gothicjammies

[gothicjammies]

I love all that you are. Come darling, show me how weird you are.

[gothicjammies]

To be loved by a Lestat,

To be loved by a Lestat means to not want to be loved by anyone else. It means to accept the greatest form of love that you will never see anywhere else. It comes from a heart that has been cultivated to feel for centuries. The beauty from ancient times, when you were never there, he already learned to love and therefore it ruins everyone else for you. To be loved by a Lestat, means to accept the version of a person that has been hurt before but will regardless never stop loving you because he is okay with being hurt by you, for centuries if you will, because he has the time to love you and forgive you even if you do not deserve it. At all.

To be loved by a Lestat means experiencing anger that you never have because he will always choose you above himself and it will anger you because it is so hard to comprehend how he does not simply understand why he does not come first to you because he has no one else. It is a form of anger that will keep you raging for years until you realise that is how he perceives love. He will kill others and save you even if he is aware, you have picked others countless times over him.

To be loved by a Lestat, means to perform because after you he loves the theatre. To be loved by a Lestat, is to perform your worst lines at a play, do the same thing over and over like watch him lay down with other people while he claims you have his heart. You have his heart. He will repeat, you have his heart as he lay on the bed with another because you do not want to hold him.

To be loved by lestat, is to understand that you are immensely loved and he will never really leave you alone, even when you have left him alone even after you have poisoned him and slit his throat . He believes in you and that is why he will wait for you, centuries and centuries as the leaves withers and the historical buildings become myths, when nothing no longer makes sense. He will cry for you silently and still restrain himself because you needed time, and besides his love something else he has is time.

To be loved by Lestat, means to be understood. As wicked and broken as you are, albeit him causing you to break but oh he so regrets because he was broken himself. As wicked and broken as you are, he will still take you in his arms. He will simply allow you and will ask you the names of your demons so you know, he knows you well and still wants to hold you every night.

To be loved by Lestat is to be burdened with the amount of trust that you have never known before. he will write to you, that he trusts you, more than anything. Lestat will lay his life in your hands. It is a burden that most of us will try to run away from, it is too much especially because it is just you that he is trusting.

To be loved by Lestat means you are the epitome of beauty and you forget that in his eyes that has seen oh so much beauty, but none compared to yours, none. You are ethereal in his eyes, and he would not need to say it because his eyes speak for him.

Oh, to be loved by Lestat, I want to be loved by Lestat.

[gothicjammies]

I don’t even want sex with how flustered I am. I just want a conversation where all your eyes are on me and you look so fucking handsome…I just wanted to add.

[gothicjammies]

While I am aware of the flaws in my appearance, the awkward nose, downward canthal tilt or whatever new insecurities that social media come up with on a weekly basis.

And while I am aware, I am often isolating and doubting myself, the anxious sweaty palms I get when stared at.

And I am so aware that my family is so dysfunctional and I envy those that grew in stable homes.

Aware of how nobody holds me in my sleep.

I think I’m still so fucking cool.

[gothicjammies]

I think there’s a sadness in all of us that can never be fixed. Maybe a sadness that yearns for love, maybe a sadness that wants to destroy, a sadness that was once anger. A sadness that wants us to hide away or despise others for no reason. I don’t know, I don’t have to know. I’m just sad.

[gothicjammies]

Or did you simply forget? That to be loved doesn’t always mean forever. Forever is subjective. Yours doesn’t mean its theirs and that’s okay. Out there, someone’s forever matches yours.

[gothicjammies]

If it rained every time I thought of you. Would we ever see the sun?

[gothicjammies]

You are in my memories, my dreams. I crave a touch I have never felt. I love the lips I have never kissed. I yearn for you when I am aware and when I am not. My entire existence is painful with hopes that perhaps you’d look at me like you’d die with me. Will you just love me so you put me out of my misery?

[gothicjammies]

I think falling in love means accepting your heart to break a little, maybe more but it’s definitely a form of insanity because we put them over ourselves.

[gothicjammies]

Most times I want to set myself free and leave behind the misery of being desperate to be loved by you.

But I am my own poison, I refuse to let you go.

I am delusional enough to think that in “another time”, you yearn for me as I yearn for you.

I say “another time” as if a part of me doesn’t want it to be “this time”.

Perhaps, its for the best if I think of you as mine in “another time” to give closure to my ever hollow heart in this lifetime.

-A letter from written by a forever bleeding heart.

[gothicjammies]

His woman lay on bed, withering away, almost cold to touch. She struggles to form a few words, that both of them already knew and yet craved the now timed affirmation.

Her lips parted, nothing was said. So he held onto her hand because it was the last time the lovers would be in the same room with loud beating hearts.

Their gazes held on to each other and spoke to one another what the lifeless woman wanted to say and what the broken man wanted to hear for the last time.

[gothicjammies]

Sometimes the line between love and hate gets blurry. I know the love I have for you is as much as the ocean foam but I despise you just for that.

[gothicjammies]

It’s those devilish brown eyes that sucked the sense out of me and now I cannot sleep without the thought of you.

[gothicjammies]

[gothicjammies]

I Am From A World Of Fear

I am from a society where death is easy and life is hard.

I am from a world where it's easier to say goodbye than to say how you feel.

I am from a world where we live in fear of diseases but not from war or gun violence.

I am from a country that values its bullets over its children. 

I am from a place where education is victorious, but the race is rigged.

I am from a society where the children are flowers that grow in concrete gardens.

I am from a country where our schools are full of clear backpacks but are empty of hope. 

I am from a world where monsters are people, not creatures hiding under your bed.

I am from a society that brushes mental illness under the rug like the dust line on your floor. 

I am from a society where we judge character based on skin color like the cover of a book.

I am from a society where the brand of your clothes is like the color of your hair, noticed and important. 

I am from a world where plastic can be reused but floats in the ocean instead.

I am from a world where drugs are used as a coping technique rather than for pain.

I am from a country that builds and profits off the blood of the lamb.

I am from a world full of people who have shown that love is imaginary and can only be found in movies and books. 

I am from a world where heroes are the villains and the villains are often the heroes. 

[gothicjammies]

How you look at me is how I want to be looked at for the rest of my life.

Be mine.

[gothicjammies]

“You are enough”

Sometimes that’s all I wanted to hear from you.