janitorqueer

[janitorqueer]

Drag king stories #9

I’m back to performing, after a 5 year hiatus. “Adam Andro-matic” was last seen at a small bar downtown doing drag-aoke as a wind-up-doll to the song “Blue Monday” by New Order. And then the pandemic hit, and I haven’t been back to that bar since. A new opportunity came up recently! An acquaintance put on a show at a small theater in November that we attended, and they asked me if I wanted to…

[janitorqueer]

I came out at work, redux

Eight years ago, after a long buildup, I finally came out at work as trans, and more specifically, non-binary. It was right after Trump had been elected, and before he took office. It feels like a long time ago now. Lots of new staff members have been hired since then; I don’t have reasons or avenues to come out to any of them. Last week though, an opportunity arose. Er rather, I took something…

[janitorqueer]

The Future of Queer People in the Janitorial Field

I got an email from a reader named Ike the other day. They said, hi there! found this site killing time before my shift as a fill in custodian for the NYCSSS and it was about exactly what i was looking for lol. I wish my question was more close ended, but basically, what do you think is the future for being queer in a field like this? At the moment, i have only worked alongside someone else even…

[janitorqueer]

Ten year anniversary of this blog!

Ten years ago, today, I started “janitorqueer.” I wanted to write about being queer, specifically genderqueer, and about being a janitor. Mostly though, I wanted to find and connect with others who had similar stories. I wanted to be on testosterone long-term, but I was afraid that it was going to do irreversible “damage” to my body and my life. And before that stage, I was so afraid of even just…

[janitorqueer]

Ten years on testosterone (and also off, on, back off/on, etc.)

Prior to finally trying testosterone, ten years ago today, I was stressing so hard about whether to do it or not. Perseverating for years, really. If I could go back to that younger version of myself, I’d say, “Just try the dang thing! It doesn’t have to mean anything in particular, as far as identity, and you’ll probably fairly quickly know whether it’s something to continue to pursue or not.…

[janitorqueer]

Specific trauma feels so far away

Specific trauma feels so far away

For as long as I’ve had this blog (9 years!), I’ve written annually around this time of year, about a hospitalization I went through at age 17. I was there for 19 days; it was voluntary but quickly became involuntary once it was clear I wasn’t actually based in reality. This year, I wasn’t sure if was going to write anything. I’ve been thinking it over for the past few days. What else is there…

[janitorqueer]

Addressing hate mail

I got some hate mail yesterday, and decided to respond. Anonymous asked, Why the fuck are you doingvthis [sic] to yourself and causing other people to follow you. [sic] The main reason I’m doing “this” to myself is because I value the quality of my life. I’m just going to have to venture a guess about what “this” is, based on the contents of this blog: taking testosterone, getting top surgery,…

[janitorqueer]

Laura Jane Grace and Her Dysphoria Hoodie

Laura Jane Grace and Her Dysphoria Hoodie

On Wednesday, a friend posted on social media that he had an extra ticket to go see singer/songwriter/trans icon/punk rocker Laura Jane Grace in the next town over, and did anyone want to take him up on it? My first reaction was, “Oh wow! I would love to see her!” Followed by, “Damn, I have to work, like always.” (I work till 9:30pm – not conducive to having much of an evening social life.) The…

[janitorqueer]

Haircut

Last week, I got my hair cut by a professional for the first time in over 20 years. Why haven’t I done this sooner?! I was aware that I had acquired some stubborn habits around my hair, and I was going to someone to intervene, but it still took me a long time to follow through and book an appointment. Hair salons / barber shops are one of the most gendered spaces someone can enter. That is the…

[janitorqueer]

Incorporating a traumatic event into a narrative, pt. 2

Incorporating a traumatic event into a narrative, pt. 2

Every year around this time, since starting this blog eight years ago, I revisit the events surrounding a hospitalization that happened when I was 17. That was 22 years ago now, and I’m getting closer toward a goal of sharing my writing about it with a wider audience. Two years ago, I wrote, “Maybe one day I’ll share it with a wider audience.” Last year, I wrote that I was actively working on a…

[janitorqueer]

Electric Plush

This essay and collage was first published for Femme Salée’s zine issue Perverse Bodies, Winter 2021. More about this awesome collective of artists, writers, and curators can be found at Femme Salée. On Halloween afternoon, 2009, I was running around doing last minute things like my head was cut off. Our inaugural variety show was kicking off that night, at the local community space that had…

[janitorqueer]

Back on testosterone, yet again

Back on testosterone, yet again

I like to make note of when I’m on and off testosterone, and this time, I’m way behind on mentioning it – I’ve been back on since July 20th. I hit it hard initially with a pretty high dose (100mg per week) and then lowered it to 60mg per week. So far, my menstrual cycle halted immediately (fingers crossed this continues to be the case – it’s been over 2 months so I’m thinking I might be in the…

[janitorqueer]

Working 9-5

Last Wednesday, I asked my supervisor if I could work from 9am – 5:30pm for the rest of the summer, and he agreed. And then it struck me all over again that I’ve never worked this standard shift before in my life – I’ve worked almost everything except, spanning from super early to super late (excluding overnights). I’ve been with this school district for 19 years so far, first as a painter, but…

[janitorqueer]

Tried testosterone for the first time 8 years ago, today

Tried testosterone for the first time 8 years ago, today

Eight years is a long time! Trying T, even though I wasn’t at all sure I was going to like it, but positive I needed to at least see what it was like, was one of the best decisions I’ve made for myself. For the first few years, it was a very fine line between feeling very connected to what it was doing for my inner world, versus not wanting any physical changes. I was microdosing, but even…

[janitorqueer]

Back off testosterone again

Back off testosterone again

The last time I injected testosterone, for the time being, was December 8th. I like to keep tabs of when I go on and off it – I’m back around to off again. The first thing I noticed that was new / different was today: my co-worker made microwave popcorn downstairs while I was upstairs, and even though she does this on occasion, I actually could smell it today. And as I sit here typing, I can…

[janitorqueer]

Incorporating a traumatic event into a narrative

Incorporating a traumatic event into a narrative

On this day, 21 years ago, I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for 19 days. I was 17. I’ve observed this time of year, every year since starting this blog 7 years ago, by revisiting the events surrounding it, in one form or another. This year, it feels like not a big deal at all. This hasn’t always been the case, but it’s felt less and less traumatic as the years have gone by. Processing it…

[janitorqueer]

What cleaning looks like at school during COVID-19

What cleaning looks like at school during COVID-19

Today was the kids’ first day back, and boy did things go differently! I’ve been a school cleaner for 16 years, and, interestingly, I’ve never before had less to do than I do right now. This might seem counter-intuitive, but it’s actually a testament as to how well-planned out things are to account for what’s going on. No amount of planning is going to stop the spread completely, but… well, we’ll…