kafkasque-bitezzz

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I usually add it while going XD

writers who make playlists before writing anything scare me. how are you setting a mood for something that doesn’t exist yet. are you conjuring it. are you a witch.

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my fyp is full of this guy called sombr idk anything about except that bro is th1nsp0 final boss

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my guitar

my books

pretty clothes

art supplies

sewing kit

My room is filled with hobbies I used to love, but now they're just collecting dust because depression stole the joy out of them. And I keep wondering when, or if, I'll ever feel that spark again for the things that used to make me happy.

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I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT HAS BEEN FIVE YEARS

(my tokyorev phase is something ill love to bury but it was one hell of an anime i got attached af to)

NEW TOKYO REVENGERS ART FOR THE 5TH ANNIVERSARY!!!

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Double s00ic1d3 ?

one suspicion that my favourite person is mad at me or may want to leave me = i want to kill myself right now, at this moment

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not me stocking up on xxs cute clothes-

I needa level up my fashion game.. But first, gotta lose weight

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Reblogging cuz i havent drawn in so long though usually my drawings gets the most notes (Feelinh super unproductive lately :(((( )

Lobster Riki (֊⎚-⎚)))

Drawing our Lobster Boi from No Doubt that i cant stop Daydreaming about since November <3333. ദ്ദി(,,>ヮ<,,) Drawing Bro in my anime art style wasn't even hard considering Bro looked straight outta anime in that mv (//∇//) Ain't no doubt that it's is not very good but Naneun Gwenchana with the fact that mayyyybe it's okay because I only used a pen ૮(˶╥︿╥)ა (Yes, there's No Doubt that I'm going overboard with the puns (,,> <,,)))) Idk why I end up using only pens to draw (maybe because it gives me an excuse to be bad (,,¬﹏¬,,)))) But though the hands are kinda not gwenchana I think it's overall good enough to be shared!!! :))))

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Reblogging cuz why not

A Niki scribble attempt I didn't like very much?

I was trying to draw more bodies because I kinda nailed the Face part of realism but body is just harddd. And I should really buy some pencils TT

As someone who drew anime (and not even good ) their whole life, it's pretty hard to draw realistic. Semi realistic looks hot so I try leaning more towards it.

Drawing sunglasses is surprisingly hard?

And why does he look like if Yasu from Nana had hair-

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Imagine hating on me when I'm in my room like

So long and goodnight

SO LONG AND GOODNIGHT

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''mom told me to shower (i havent in a week) i must be disgusting, time to st44ve so im not"

nah my coping mechanisms worse than my actual problems 😭

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Like I forgot the whole point of my life. I used to be so stuck over being perfect at everything though I was definitely not cut out for that . I used to be stressed over being the best at everything and ended up being best at nothing. I was so so sure that a life like that, which won't be remembered is useless, that I should maybe k111 myself.

But that's when I came across my dear Tubatu, who taught me that "Loving" is almost as good as "Being Loved" I came to this world for free, why should I waste my life away to "Pay and prove" that I do deserve it.

Like it or not, I'll spend it like we spend free stuff. I wouldn't have chosen to come here, but I did . And since I did, I should enjoy everything good life has to offer.

Fictional books, movies, dramas, TV shows, art. Everything I wouldn't have seen unless I was born, KPOP idol's, extremely handsome (!) people I wouldn't have met unless I was born. I mean cmon, seeing those pretty faces is ENOUGH to live.

Jokes aside, I learnt through those music that it doesn't always have to be someone nearby, you don't always have to be someone's number one. Someone far away, singing to millions of people to run away on the train of 9 3/4 platform for money, profession is enough. You don't always have to live for yourself, you don't have to be "loved" to live. You can live to "love' even if it's fruitless. Cuz it's just so much fun !

Well that's how I like to think, I don't tho. I might just stare at the sea a moment later and be like "Damn jumping off sounds hot rn" but yea that's me . That's me, I'm someone who'll never feel deserving to live, never stop craving love and never accept love when given !

But no stinky b11ch with no personality, who called my music taste, mental health issues, hobbies, favourite movies and aesthetic cringe and proceeded to make all those "Hers" for the next year. Who though mental illnesses were hot and proceeded to act like she had it by watching "Black Swan" and listening to "Lana Del Rey" ("oh I don't like how she sings, it's so weird" when she said that my heart dropped, I just wanted her to say she likes my music taste, and now she asks which Lana song she looks like ;)) will give her the mental illnesses that'll finally make her interesting.

LIKE BITCH YOU GOT LOVING PARENTS. YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T NEED MENTAL ILLNESS. But everyone only wishes for something they don't have. I have strict angry parents, but they DO BUY ME A SHIT TON OF STUFF, LIKE OVERCONSUMPTION. And like I get it, that's how my life is. Kinda like Rapunzel," I'll do anything don't leave the castle " her parents are RICHER that mine, she lives abroad, and her parents are chill enough to let her have a job and hobbies that include going out of home .

Well I needed to say my pov like a vile b11tch too. After all, always bottling up my feelings led to this

That's my point of view, that's wrong. She might just be another normal person. Maybe I'm just projecting my insecurities at her ,I never even hide that I'M JEALOUS XD cmon, I'm young ofcourse it's the age of jEaLoUsY.

Like ,okay. Cmon I tried to be cool. I tried to ignore the one person who killed my "I don't ever hate anyone" policy. She broke it, cool. She got under my skin, only person in the world who did. And hey it would've been broken at some point, aren't I giving her too much credit for doing something someone eventually had?

My previous account was the common "pink coquette girlblog studies overachiever" type. That was me, that personality someone stole, someone who called that personality cringe. I'm no longer that, I'm so much of a stranger to that ,that I had deleted that account (I regret it, it would've been fun to scroll through) but hey I KILLED EVERYTHING ASSOCIATED with her. And it took only a bit stalking after a year to get all those feelings back. And I think the fact that it lasted only a day is achievement alone.

I'm just so different now, we just don't strive for the same things anymore. It's just...studying to get people's approval isn't one of the "amazing things world has to offer" I just don't want to be better than others anymore. It sounds like a bad thing, but it doesn't to me. I don't want to live am ordinary life ,sure. I don't want to study till I get a job and marry and have kids. I want to study enough to leave the country, do odd jobs to save up, travel maybe? Or just.... lounge around like now? It's my life who can accuse me of wasting it.

It's just...looking back I've changed a lot. Maybe for the worse but hey, I love it

I decided to hold the hand calling me too run towards the 9 3/4 platform. I'm at a magical world only for me :) I'm tired but happy.

Thanks for saving me :)

Going random depressed over someone from the past cuz they achieved more than I ever would when I literally just want to somehow survive through this life (and enjoy it the easiest way, my literal hobby is reading fanfics-) and don't even wanna do anything is super unproductive TT. Wdym I got jealous of someone I never wanted to be like I wasted a whole day in jealousy and plotting revenge like girl-

I would've seen so many Vampire Diaries episodes within this time

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Going random depressed over someone from the past cuz they achieved more than I ever would when I literally just want to somehow survive through this life (and enjoy it the easiest way, my literal hobby is reading fanfics-) and don't even wanna do anything is super unproductive TT. Wdym I got jealous of someone I never wanted to be like I wasted a whole day in jealousy and plotting revenge like girl-

I would've seen so many Vampire Diaries episodes within this time

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Do you ever wake up and your brain starts to randomly play a song that meant a lot to you in the past so the whole day you're just nostalgic and spacey the whole day?

One of my biggest regrets is realising how much bigbang mattered to me after they announced they will be disbanding :(

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Realest shit-

Like why did everything get progressively worse since then TT

everything would've been better if I just killed myself at 14

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Now I know I am with the right crowd cuz wdym the way I ranted to them and they all took my side AND I'm so NOT used to it as someone who's side is almost never taken TT

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I'm like if sadness and jealousy were Asian and had a child and slapped it right after it came out of the womb and lock it up in a place far beneath the world so I don't believe warmth even exist.

i'm like what if laufey songs all came together to conceive a human and then gave a little kiss on top of its head after giving birth but then i got abandoned so now i lurk in every corner of love to search for the warmth i felt back then

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Funny how young and old the 16-20 age group is. There are people my age , achieving everything life could offer, full of life, full of ambition. I feel left behind, too old to do anything, to start anything. But then again, among the many people I admire, there are indeed some that had been rotting as much as me at my age. And really, I feel left behind but still not hopeless. And sometimes I wish I had dropped these hopes ,so I wouldn't be burdened by them. But human wishes seldom comes true.

It's about time I give up isn't it?