kinky-corpsbride

[kinky-corpsbride]

Being unsure whether I should follow inktober2020 oder linktober2020.

[kinky-corpsbride]

Kinda forgot its October and got very tired so starting with a 20 min speed drawing - art supplie changed during half of the time. Kinda embarrassing but hey I’m in it for the feeling 😅

[kinky-corpsbride]

I didn’t have the choice whether to be born or not. I didn‘t have a choice to be traumatised and broken by so many things and people in my life.. I didn’t have the choice whether to be sick and never know if I got 60 years or like 60 days left to live..

So please.. let me have that one choice in my life. Let me have the choice, to leave this place, when It’s time for it..

[kinky-corpsbride]

My eyes are heavy,

My heart is cold

Let’s open my veins

Like I was told..

My live is a nightmare

That sadly came true

Dear happy me..

I‘m missing you...

[kinky-corpsbride]

Happy birthday to me tomorrow?

Or happy „let’s give my suicide attempts it’s 18th try“ day..

Still discussing with my self

[kinky-corpsbride]

Why do we always try to be nice and lovely too everyone, even though they’ve hurt us? Let’s take some moments to be the Demons we are and let happen what has to happen.

[kinky-corpsbride]

Zwischenbilanz

- über Jahre sexuell Missbraucht

- 2 mal vergewaltigt

- 3 Stalker

- 4 gewalttätige Ex-Freunde

- 17 Suizidversuche

- 30 Diagnosen, psychisch wie körperlich

- 10 Jahre zu leben (wenn sich nichts ändert)

- 4 mal Psychiatrie

- ED auf Autopilot

- 5 mal fast gestorben (abseits der Suizidversuche)

- .... Fortsetzung Folgt

[kinky-corpsbride]

Panicking cause I know I’m crashing down in the next 7 seven days. But no plan when, so every seconds scares me.

[kinky-corpsbride]

ANXIETY!

[kinky-corpsbride]

Being loved shouldn’t be that scary and painful anymore.. it shouldn’t make me feel uncomfortable, worthless, anxious and depressed.

[kinky-corpsbride]

Jeder hasst mich.. ausnahmslos jeder.

[kinky-corpsbride]

It fuckin doesn’t matter if you will ever win the war, cause you won’t be abled to put your attention on the victory. You will just sit there and try to crawl back to when you had a personality.. even though it was a disorder, cause now you have to go in, looking for yourself in all the ashes and the shards, while always keeping an eye back on the enemy you defeated.. scared he‘s growing back to fight you again now that you start healing..

[kinky-corpsbride]

„DEATH“

D rugs

E mergency rooms

A nxiety

T rauma

H eartbreak

[kinky-corpsbride]

[kinky-corpsbride]

[kinky-corpsbride]

Stupid lies Part 1: ...

~ I’m just tired

~ I’m not hungry

~ I can really open up in Therapie. It helps so much

~ “no I’m not suicidal anymore. It was just a stupid phase like self harming, being bisexual or bay blade...”

~ It’s ok if you project all of your selfhate on me. That what friends are for

~ I feel comfortable with your friends. I feel like they like me and integrated me in your group

~ I’m not jealous.

[kinky-corpsbride]

Stupid lies Part 1: ...

~ I’m just tired

~ I’m not hungry

~ I can really open up in Therapie. It helps so much

~ “no I’m not suicidal anymore. It was just a stupid phase like self harming, being bisexual or bay blade...”

~ It’s ok if you project all of your selfhate on me. That what friends are for

~ I feel comfortable with your friends. I feel like they like me and integrated me in your group

~ I’m not jealous.