lanceketchum

[lanceketchum]

Always be yourself.

Unless you can be a sparkledog.

Then, always be a sparkledog.

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Blueberry and whipped cream pancakes are my spirit animal.

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I don't know who needs to hear this today, but:

The first year boats in Harry Potter that seemed to move on their own? Yeah, they were being propelled by the giant squid. That's why the squid always seemed to be in the lake year after year and why a tentacle put young Creevy back in the boat when he fell overboard.

Please do what you will with this information.

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Hardest hitting quote I've heard in ages:

"I'm not much of a romantic, and I think that nostalgia is basically a form of depression...."

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Stressful day at work. Coworker told me they were close to a mental breakdown. I told them,

"Do you know what you get when you disassemble a lunch box? A bento makedown."

They silently pointed toward the door.

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2025 vibes:

"Excuse me, what song are you listening to?"

*Fumbles with headphones... What?

"What song?"

* Oh, uh, "Hostile Government Takeover EDM Remix" by AGiftFromTodd

"Thanks my friend"

*cheers

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When I get turned loose on the dating scene...

...call that pan-demi-onium!

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You are the apple of my eye.

I'm your teacher.

You're my student.

Also known as my pupil.

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Ladies, gents, and other idents!

It's time for this week's original animal humor™!

Featured animal this month: AXOLOTL!!!

Ba ba ba BA!!!!

What did the frog say to the salamander when asked to do the laundry?

"Geez buddy, you sure do axolotl of this relationship!"

Thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you as well!

Tune in again for more witty Original Animal Humor (not actually trademarked).

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What I want my friends to say if I have a meltdown in public 😅

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Pretty sure this is already how voting works.

Is it bad that if you were running for president, I'd vote for you just so see what you would do in office because of your hilarious shenanigans? What would you do if you ever became the president?

I’d do hilarious silly little shenanigans like executing the oligarchy live on television

[lanceketchum]

Ladies, gents, and other idents!

It's time for this week's original animal humor™!

Featured animal this month: AXOLOTL!!!

Ahem:

What do you call a chibi axolotl?

An axolittle!!!

Tune in again next time for more sparkling animal humour content.

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Ironically, the word "perspicuous" means "easy to understand."

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**Waves some jedi ninja hand sigils:

"These ARE the data you are looking for!"

the phantom of the opera and the hunchback of notre dame? opposite ends of same spectrum 

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The road goes ever on and on.....

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It's been said sooo much before, but truly, we don't deserve dogs. (Or better yet, working to be deserving of them should make us better people.)

Snuffling up to us whenever we get back, like:

"Ahoy human, let me investigate your biochemical aura. You know, so that...

<sniff sniff >

... I can tell where you've been

<sniff sniff >

... and who you've been with

<sniff sniff >

... and check whether you're ok

<sniff sniff >

... and see whether you have any emotional needs I can meet

<sniff sniff >

... and whether you have any cheeto dust on your fingers.

...

...

...

... Belly rub?"

And this all happens in like 3.274 seconds. Ordinary miracle if you ask me!