mentalhealthmillie - Tumblr blog

[mentalhealthmillie]

Still going strong

I’m still managing to do really well on my lower calorie diet!!! Next Monday I think is weight day (as it’s been 2 weeks) and I will see how much weight I have lost

I have resisted all urges to binge and I feel so proud of myself !

Night everyone!

[mentalhealthmillie]

So I have no idea what’s going on!!! Day 4

This is really really odd because I genuinely have had no urge to binge.

Even though this morning I left for work and got ready too late so I didn’t even have time to have my breakfast or make lunch to take!!

I am sitting here with a big bar of chocolate in my bag and I only ate 2 squares at 111 calories!

I know it wouldn’t be a good idea to binge on it all - even though I could

And I’m proud of myself! Yeah I definitely should have eaten this morning and made lunch- but man - I am proud for not bingeing!?!!!!

I don’t know if this has anything to do with the fact that my room is SUPER clean and I have been listening to the audio book of “Good Vibe, Good Life” in the last couple of days!

Go me :)

[mentalhealthmillie]

Lifestyle change #Day2

I am super pleased with myself as yesterday I consumed 1426 calories and today I consumed 1197! Yay both under 1500

That’s such a good start for me considering I am a prolific binge eater.

I am trying as much as I can to incorporate whole foods, vegetables and fruits into my diet- but one step at a time :)

I’ve decided I’m going to weigh myself every 2 weeks so I don’t overthink my progress as I know this is going to take a while.

I am reading a great book about how to overcome binge eating and the advice is to think of the part of me who wants to binge as a separate entity.A separate entity that needs to be caged and controlled.

All in all I am pleased with myself and it’s a good start!

Millie

[mentalhealthmillie]

Weight loss update:

So I know I posted a couple of days ago that I am trying to lose weight. With the help of my Fitbit - I am trying to get more exercise and steps in.

I am also trying to drink more water.

In addition I have set my daily calorie intake to between 1400-1500 calories. I’m not cutting too many foods out at present - every time I have done the extremes it never lasts- therefore I am going to start slowly and see how I feel.

I am also reading a book about how to overcome binge eating disorder- which is great for motivation and I hope that it keeps me on the right track!

Bye for now xxx

[mentalhealthmillie]

Early Mornings

Anyone else struggle immensely to get up early when on psychiatric meds? Feel so tired constantly - I hope my new routine of waking up at 8am begins to work and I don’t feel so exhausted anymore. I probably need to take my bedtime pills a little bit earlier - goal between 9-10am.

[mentalhealthmillie]

So I have realised something...

I don’t think being constantly happy is something that exists

I think it’s to do with the journey that you are always on- trying to get better and improve yourself with little steps, whatever that is.

There’s always going to be struggle

But it’s how to deal with that and how you seek support that counts

Because people DO Care

You just have to ask for help and keep moving forward.

My thought of the day.

[mentalhealthmillie]

Tidy, Tidy, Tidy

Im trying my absolute hardest to tidy and clean my entire room and for some reason it’s taken me three days so far just to have the motivation to do anything! Anyone else?

[mentalhealthmillie]

Budgeting!

I am absolutely terrible at budgeting

So I set up an account with Monzo!!!

I am only going to have 50 pounds a week to live on and that includes food. But I have already paid for my yearly travel, gym membership and phone bill - so for one person I suppose that’s not bad!?

I can do this :)

[mentalhealthmillie]

A thought I had in November ‘19

My head is completely fucked up and I read something today which said

Most people probably kill themselves because they are fed up with wondering whether they should actually kill them selves or not.

I’ve spoken about this before

The decision I call it. But it’s just as hard debating whether you will or won’t do it as it is to have suicidal thoughts in the first place.

I wonder how it must feel to not have that constant argument happening.

[mentalhealthmillie]

Breathe

They tell me to take a deep breath in

But I want to stop breathing

I’m so close to giving up

Yet so far

Because I don’t know if I have it in me

To truly die

Either way I’m sinking, falling, drowning

I don’t want to try anymore

Where are the rose tinted glasses? I’d like to put them on just for a moment so I can see beyond the dark.

Thinking I’m never going to be free is soul destroying and hurts like hell.

I know life has lessons to teach

My patience is running out

[mentalhealthmillie]

Yesterday

Yesterday I let the tears run down my cheeks

I cried hard and hard again

I felt the pain I so tightly lock away from the world

I know what’s good for me and what’s not so I let it happen

The tears rolled away from me and I let someone see into the pain, but only for a short while.

[mentalhealthmillie]

Hide

I conceal myself so you don’t have to worry

I hide away so you won’t see

I plaster a smile upon my lips to trick you

That I am to be believed

MHM 2020

[mentalhealthmillie]

Preach

And that’s completely okay. @madsrecovers

[mentalhealthmillie]

Poem : First Love

Not a man,

Not a dream

Nor a Hollywood scene

My first love was blood

My first love was pain

Not a star

Nor hope

Not a game

My first love was insane

[mentalhealthmillie]

Soul

Is my soul truly dark?

Is it cracked?

Is it broken, like me?

Or is it blossoming?

Blossoming into something beautiful...

[mentalhealthmillie]

I am good enough. I am important. I am worthy.

I am also a broken woman.

MHM 2020

[mentalhealthmillie]

A poem I wrote which is relevant right now.

Up

I’m feeling more up lately

I have the energy to look to the sky and smile

I want to hear the birds in the trees

And the echo of life at sunrise

I want to be part of the world

Rather than spending my time observing it

For it is too painful to just sit and watch as it goes by

Maybe now I’ll start to see myself staring back rather than darkness

Maybe I’ll begin to understand life a little more