midnightlovers235 - Tumblr blog

[midnightlovers235]

I TOLD YOU I COULDN'T DO IT ANYMORE I COULDN'T HANDLE WHAT YOU KEPT DOING AND WHEN YOU DID IT FOR THE LAST TIME YOU LEFT ME ALONE TO LICK THE WOUNDS THAT YOU PUT THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE AND YOU NEVER CAME BACK TO SEE IF I NEEDED STITCHES AND NOW WHEN I SAY THAT THE PAIN IS GETTING TO ME YOU SAY YOU DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT ANYMORE BUT YOU DONT LET ME LEAVE AND OR HELP ME GET BETTER I DONT GET IT WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT OTHER THAN ME BEING HURT I SHOULD HAVE LEFT THE FIRST TIME YOU EVER LIED TO MY FACE AND IF YOU WANTED TO SEE WHAT IM LIKE WHEN IM DONE HERE YOU ARE

[midnightlovers235]

canopies above sheild me from the cool rain pouring down

i think of us, of my hope

i think of you, of my trust

i think of a love that was over before it even began

i think of 1 year, 9 months, and 18 days

with someone who didn't want me in the first place

i think of how you crumbled my self worth down into nothing

how you watched me piece myself back together, silent and unbothered

how for every piece i fixed, there was another one you broke

how when i turned around it was you holding the axe

how i shouldnt of been surprised when you refused to put it down

i think of how the most poetic parts of our love were

how you specialized in making me feel so worthless

how the day i realized you did not love me

was the first thunderstorm in years

[midnightlovers235]

I will soak my sheets in boiling water

Discard the letters, the books, the love

You gave

I will scrub my body

Until you have not touched it

Peel back layers of myself

Until I am nothing

I will rebuild my life

From the ground up

And you will have no part in it.

You will have no part of me.

[midnightlovers235]

“I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fu#k, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane.”

— John Green (via thegoodvybe)

[midnightlovers235]

—Ari Aster, Midsommar (2019) Script

[midnightlovers235]

I don't know how you did it, but you made every song about you. Every. Single. One.

//h.r.g// @midnightlovers235

You exist in everything. You are infinite. We were infinite.

[midnightlovers235]

And just like that, in the blink of an eye, we were done. A year, a month, and 11 days and nothing to show for it. Nothing to say that our little forever ever existed.

//h.r.g// @midnightlovers235

You will always exist so beautifully in my memory

[midnightlovers235]

[midnightlovers235]

How do you not chase after me. How do you make it look so easy.

//h.r.g// @midnightlovers235

[midnightlovers235]

Since I left, I have searched for you in everything I've come across. Some how you exist the most in faded Levi's (you always loved those jeans) and me (you left half of yourself in your love for me).

//h.r.g// @midnightlovers235

[midnightlovers235]

How awful you are to yourself.

How awful it is, giving all of yourself into another person. How foolish and naive. How your mother really should have taught you to be okay being alone, to be able to breathe easy without someone by your side. How quick it all happens, though. How you wake up one day and you don't realize it yet, but you've already made them your reason to get up on your day off, to shower, to squeeze yourself into those jeans you know they like. How truly unfortunate it is that you never did any of that for yourself. How you needed another person to give you a reason to wash away the pain you inflicted on yourself. How brutal the burn you feel is when they lie to you. How you would rather rip your own heart out, with your chewed nails and all. How the pain you feel wakes you up in the night, makes you question every ounce of your existence. How much easier it would be to simply run away, to start a new life, to cease to exist completely. How you would erase them from your memory if you could. How you learn to never, ever make a living, breathing person your home. How people leave. How places don't.

//h.r.g// @midnightlovers235

[midnightlovers235]

The leaves have turned and the air is changing again. Today, 365 days ago, I took a picture of you in my living room wearing my sweater. It was so small on you, you looked so happy there. I started to fall in love with you that night. I miss the people we were 365 days ago.

//h.r.g// @midnightlovers235

[midnightlovers235]

isn't it strange how you say you love me dearly, yet all you do is hurt me. oh how romantic this all is.

@midnightlovers235 //h.r.g//

[midnightlovers235]

But you dont want me that way. You don't fall in lust when I send you nudes, when I'm bent over for you, patiently waiting for something. I tell you my secret, dirty needs, and you listen attentively but never execute. I would break my bones if you asked me to.

You don't love me in the same way that I love you. You hate my past, you hate who I was when we first met. I have evolved, I'm am new, but you can't love someone fully without loving all of them.

Sure, I'm your world when I'm on the verge of leaving. When I cry, saying how bad you hurt me. Or when you think of me with someone else. You want me all to yourself, but you do a whole lot to make me leave. I will love you forever, but being with you is leaving scars.

If you want me, then start loving me

Because I'm already half way out the door.

@midnightlovers235 //h.r.g//

[midnightlovers235]

Glowing in the darkness, your light radiates warmth. In a sky full of stars you're the only one that shines for me. I tell you my secrets. I can't tell if you're listening but I say them anyways. You tell me some of yours. I can't tell if you're lying but I believe them anyways. I come back, night and night again but you aren't always there. At some point, I fell in love with your illumination, but when I try to touch you I am left burnt, and you disappear. You are so far from me, each night inching further and further. I cannot sleep without you here. My love for you keeps getting stronger, I beg for you to stay but you never do. Why can't you see me. Why do you hurt me. I love you, I love you, I love you.

@midnightlovers235 //h.r.g.//

[midnightlovers235]

You're the air I breathe. You're the smell of a fall day after a summer that was too hot. You're the sky before rain, a deep breath on a cold day. You're stargazing on a clear night, you're the feeling of grass on my feet. I'll remind you a million times over that you're the one. You're so beautiful, it stops my heart. Even when you lie, when I have tears in my eyes.

You're so beautiful.

You're so beautiful.

@midnightlovers235 //h.r.g//

[midnightlovers235]

What does Lucy Cat offer him that I don't?

@midnightlovers235