noonebutalone - Tumblr blog

[noonebutalone]

Y’all…..

I’m going to die fat 😭😭

[noonebutalone]

I’m wearing a corset thing(faja) hopefully it’ll help me feel full

[noonebutalone]

I know it’s bad but I really like to dehydrate myself so I can drink more water.

I just don’t drink or eat til I have too

And yes I’m back to trying to lose weight

[noonebutalone]

I fcking hate food

(Me after I finished binge eating)

[noonebutalone]

I’m trying to come back but I keep eating and binging….I’m not fitting into my clothes anymore you think that’d be motivation enough…..

[noonebutalone]

My toxic trait is that I truly believe I could win a fight against anybody if I was mad enough. U might have the strength and size but I have pure, unfiltered rage.

[noonebutalone]

Why tf am I such a pig??

Why can’t I just not eat??!!

[noonebutalone]

TW: talk about food/food restrictions

I’ve come to realize (for me at least) that OMAD are better and less stress inducing.

I literally started counting calories and broke a fast mid week

I started over today but like I did nothing but eat what I wanted and now I’m having heartburn and feel like throwing up….

I don’t eat or drink anything sugary I almost did this morning. It makes it harder to stay in a fast and cravings start.

I dehydrate myself as much as possible cuz to me I won’t be bloated/have water weight and my body will start consuming what I ate or my fat

I don’t remember mentioning this but I just give myself an hour to eat.

For two good reasons

• I’m the only one capable for my job area

• The faster I eat the fuller I’ll feel and I’ll be done quicker

I weighted myself yesterday 229.6 lbs…..

[noonebutalone]

TW: mental health/mental thoughts(non)destructive

Okay so I’ve always heard “you’re your own greasiest enemy” and I’m sure there’s one for being your better self but I don’t know what that is.

Bad thoughts and horrible possibilities were always a think that I thought about or anticipated. Now I’d say I’m balanced between negative and positive thoughts but it’s still weird.

We are our own bully and our own friend…

My point being don’t be too hard on yourself.

Sometimes you just have to tell “them” fck you!Not today a-hole!

You will be skinny enough

You won’t self h@rm as much

You won’t feel pain or sadness as much

You ARE enough

You ARE loved

You are an imperfect masterpiece

[noonebutalone]

I have this love and hate with my body. Sometimes I’m okay with how I look but when I can literally feel all the sugar and my heart starts beating hard; I just hate my genetics.

In a way I wished meanspo would help from other people but again I’d be defensive about it.

If you call me ‘fat’ or anything I’d just say “thank you” or smile like I don’t care.

I mean if someone I cared for said that to me then mayyybe yeah I’d take it to heart but that’s hard to happen unless I ask for it …..

[noonebutalone]

[noonebutalone]

I was sick for this entire week and I made the horrible mistake of eating all week

So now I ate my weight back and probably some more……

I hate starting exercise all over again cuz it reminds me how much of a fat pig I am.

Why did I let this happen?!?!?!

[noonebutalone]

I don’t have goal for what to eat a day but I’m at 430 and most of it was a Starbucks energy drink 😭😭

[noonebutalone]

When you see a cute boy and it motivates you to not eat 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Ngl never understood getting pretty for a person but now I do and it’s all the dopamine fault {no it’s not}

[noonebutalone]

If I had friends who were an0r3x1c

I’d have a better chance of losing weight

I’d fail but I’d still try

[noonebutalone]

Am I just leave????

Or die???

I just want things and feelings to stop

[noonebutalone]

I’ll start and stop fasting here and there and I’m kinda okay with it but I didn’t think I’d ever be able to stop eating at 11 pm starve almost all day until 4 eat and start again within the next hour.

I eat enough just not be hungry until I need to eat again.