peter-parkers-left-pinky - Tumblr blog

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Judge: What do you have to say for yourself?

Y/n: Your honor, if it may please the court

Y/n: *starts beatboxing*

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Y/N: Wait you like me? For my personality?

Natasha: I know, I was surprised too.

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Y/N: Natasha, you're testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow, and the D.A. is worried about how you'll present yourself on the stand.

Natasha: Why? I'm fine on the stand!

*flashback to Testimony #1*

Natasha: Look, I'll make this real simple so even these idiots can understand.

Natasha, to the jury: MAN DID CRIME.

*flashback to Testimony #2*

Natasha: I'm sorry, could you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face?

Defense Attorney, next to the crying defendant: ...Crying?

*flashback to Testimony #3*

Natasha: And when this is over, I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna break those little fingers.

Judge: Could the witness please stop threatening the stenographer?

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Y/N: Hey Natasha?

Natasha: Yeah?

Y/N: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?

Natasha:

Natasha: ...What.

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Natasha: I just heard Y/N call the dog a “fucking liar” because he barked like someone was at the door and no one was there.

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Yelena, planning a group disguise: You cannot be Blake Bortles.

Y/n: Fine! Then I’ll be Jake-

Natasha, under their breath: Don’t say Jortles.

Y/n: Jortles! And I work at the molotov cocktail department.

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Tony: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??

Peter: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

Y/n: Why were you microwaving a lemon???

Peter: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots.

Natasha: Did you burn an orange too? How???

Peter: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

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*Natasha teaching Peter to drive and taking Y/n along for the ride*

Natasha: That's a pothole. To the left!

Peter: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*

Y/n, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth.

Peter: I don't think that's how the song goes.

Natasha, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home.

Peter: Country Roads.

Y/n: To the place.

Peter and Y/n in unison: I Belong!

Natasha, crying harder: What the fuck?

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Y/n: I need to dye my hair.

Natasha: ...

Y/n: Or get another tattoo.

Natasha: ...

Y/n: Or a new piercing.

Natasha: Why?

Y/n: To, you know, appease the mental breakdown gods.

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Steve: *Gently taps table*

Bucky: *Taps back*

Y/n: What are they doing?

Sam: Morse code.

Steve: *Aggressively taps table*

Bucky: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

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Natasha: это все твоя вина

Y/n, sighing: Yeah, i know

Tony: You speak russian?

Y/n: No, i just know the phrase "this is all your fault" in every language she speaks

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Wade: Everybody shut up, I'm thinking.

Y/n, patting them on the back: Well, don’t think too hard. I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.

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Natasha: There's something I have to ask about you-know-who.

Y/n: Voldemort?

Natasha: No.

Y/n: Is it Voldemort?

Natasha: It's not Voldemort.

Y/n: You haven’t mentioned wizards once this conversation, so I’m gonna have to assume it’s Voldemort.

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Wanda : Y/n I thought you were decorating for Halloween.

Y/n: I am.

Wanda: You're just hanging up pictures of Wade.

Y/n: You said you wanted scary decorations.

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Natasha: What do u wanna be for the halloween party btw?

Y/n: Yours

Natasha: Yeah

Natasha: That would be pretty scary

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Wanda: You shouldn't be using a straw.

Y/n: I know, I know, it's bad for the environment and stuff.

Wanda: Yeah, but I mean... it's a weird way to eat spaghetti.

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Y/n: If I say I love you, will you say it back?

Natasha : Yes.

Y/n: I love you.

Natasha : It back.

*Later*

Peter: Why is Y/n crying face-down on the floor?