Natasha: Why shouldn't you put a toaster in a bathtub full of water?
Peter: Because your toast would get soggy!
Nat: When did your aunt say she’s going to pick you up?
Peter: She’s not.
Peter: Because I told her you said I could sleep over.
Nat: We didn’t say you could sleep over.
Peter: Well you should cause I’m not leaving.
Peter: *sneaking into his room wearing spidersuit at 5 am*
May, sitting on peter's desk: excuse me whERE WERE YOU?
Peter: I was working with Mr Stark!
Tony, turning on the light: Try again.
Peter: If there was a zombie apocalypse... couldn't you bite the zombie and it would turn back into a human?
Peter: well, if a zombie bites you, you turn into a zombie... so would a zombie turn into a human if a human bit it?
Tony: No, I didn't mean "what" as in elaborate. I meant it as in "how the fuck does your brain come up with this shit"
Tony: Pete, if you could be any animal, other than a spider, which would you choose?
Peter without hesitation: A Jellyfish Turritopsis Dohrnii.
Tony: That’s oddly specific.
Peter: They are the only known biologically immortal animal. Meaning if we were all Jellyfish Turritopsis Dohrnii we could just vibe in the ocean together.
Tony remembering Peter’s attachment issues:
Tony immediately pulling him into a hug:
Tony sniffling: I would love to “vibe” as a jellyfish with you, buddy.
*Natasha teaching Peter to drive and taking Y/n along for the ride*
Natasha: That's a pothole. To the left!
Peter: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*
Y/n, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth.
Peter: I don't think that's how the song goes.
Natasha, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home.
Peter: Country Roads.
Y/n: To the place.
Peter and Y/n in unison: I Belong!
Natasha, crying harder: What the fuck?
⚠️SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME SPOILERS⚠️
Peter: wth how’d you catch that brick
*seeing Andrew Garfield play his Spider-Man one last time as he always wanted but never got the chance, giving him a proper goodbye to the character, amazing arc and bisexuality*
Me, crying: fucken superb you funky little spider dude, I'm so proud of you
Peter: *comes to the compound after school*
Tony: Hey underroos, how was school?
Peter: I have a list of 100 words to learn Mr. Stark
Y/n: Wow, that’s only 92 more than you know now
Shuri who was visiting: *dying of laughter*
Steve: Y/n Sarah Roger-Barnes
Y/n: What? He made fun of my jacket, I make fun of his vocabulary.
Bucky: Look at it this way pal. At least she didn’t use violence
Y/n: Yeah! What Pops said.
Steve: *slaps his palm on his face*
May : So you're like the therapist for the whole team?
Peter : Mmm kinda
May : Who's your therapist then?
Peter, holding up a small pebble : Well I talk to this rock sometimes
Peter: On Halloween, we dress like skeletons, but in reality, the skeletons dress like us.
Tony: I worry about you.
Natasha: You have to apologize to Clint!
Peter: Unfuck you, or whatever!
Peter: Mr. Stark, look! I found this really cool cat, but they looked so sad and so I kinda took them with me so they can eat and now I think I've gotten attached and I really want to keep it.
Tony, on the verge of an aneursym: Peter–Peter, that's a fucking panther.
Harley: I dare you-
Tony: Peter is not allowed to accept dares anymore.
Harley: Why not?
Peter, air quoting the first part: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.
Tony: PEteR bEnJAmiN PaRKeR!
Tony: Why do you have a fake ID!?
Peter: *incoherent mumbling*
Tony: what was that?!
Peter: You have to be 18 to pet the puppies
Peter: What’s wrong Maguna?
Morgan: Dad said you’re about to turn 20
Morgan crying harder: Spiders can ONLY live up to 20 years
Peter: Awe, it’ll be fine. I’m not really a spider.
Peter frantically whispering to Tony: it’ll be fine, right?
Tony shrugging: I’m not a biologist.
Peter sweating profusely: