#incorrect peter parker

[mamaspidershit]

Natasha: Why shouldn't you put a toaster in a bathtub full of water?

Peter: Because your toast would get soggy!

[incorrect-wandanat]

Nat: When did your aunt say she’s going to pick you up?

Peter: She’s not.

Wanda: Why?

Peter: Because I told her you said I could sleep over.

Nat: We didn’t say you could sleep over.

Peter: Well you should cause I’m not leaving.

[1luna1lovegood1]

Peter: *sneaking into his room wearing spidersuit at 5 am*

May, sitting on peter's desk: excuse me whERE WERE YOU?

Peter: I was working with Mr Stark!

Tony, turning on the light: Try again.

[marvel-lous-guy]

Peter: If there was a zombie apocalypse... couldn't you bite the zombie and it would turn back into a human?

Tony: ...what?

Peter: well,  if a zombie bites you, you turn into a zombie... so would a zombie turn into a human if a human bit it?

Tony: No, I didn't mean "what" as in elaborate. I meant it as in "how the fuck does your brain come up with this shit"

[ironrad]

Tony: Pete, if you could be any animal, other than a spider, which would you choose?

Peter without hesitation: A Jellyfish Turritopsis Dohrnii.

Tony: That’s oddly specific.

Peter: They are the only known biologically immortal animal. Meaning if we were all Jellyfish Turritopsis Dohrnii we could just vibe in the ocean together.

Tony remembering Peter’s attachment issues:

Tony immediately pulling him into a hug:

Peter: Um?

Tony sniffling: I would love to “vibe” as a jellyfish with you, buddy.

Peter: :)

[peter-parkers-left-pinky]

*Natasha teaching Peter to drive and taking Y/n along for the ride*

Natasha: That's a pothole. To the left!

Peter: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*

Y/n, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth.

Peter: I don't think that's how the song goes.

Natasha, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home.

Peter: Country Roads.

Y/n: To the place.

Peter and Y/n in unison: I Belong!

Natasha, crying harder: What the fuck?

[1neverendingstories1]

⚠️SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME SPOILERS⚠️

Peter: wth how’d you catch that brick

Matt:

[red-lipstick-bisexual]

*seeing Andrew Garfield play his Spider-Man one last time as he always wanted but never got the chance, giving him a proper goodbye to the character, amazing arc and bisexuality*

Me, crying: fucken superb you funky little spider dude, I'm so proud of you

[marvelflame2010]

Peter: *comes to the compound after school*

Tony: Hey underroos, how was school?

Peter: I have a list of 100 words to learn Mr. Stark

Y/n: Wow, that’s only 92 more than you know now

Peter: *shocked*

Shuri who was visiting: *dying of laughter*

Steve: Y/n Sarah Roger-Barnes

Y/n: What? He made fun of my jacket, I make fun of his vocabulary. 

Bucky: Look at it this way pal. At least she didn’t use violence

Y/n: Yeah! What Pops said. 

Steve: *slaps his palm on his face*

[underoooos]

May : So you're like the therapist for the whole team?

Peter : Mmm kinda

May : Who's your therapist then?

Peter, holding up a small pebble : Well I talk to this rock sometimes

[incorrectpeterparker]

Peter: On Halloween, we dress like skeletons, but in reality, the skeletons dress like us.

Tony: I worry about you.

[mamaspidershit]

Natasha: You have to apologize to Clint!

Peter: Fine!

Peter: Unfuck you, or whatever!

[azerishi]

Peter: Mr. Stark, look! I found this really cool cat, but they looked so sad and so I kinda took them with me so they can eat and now I think I've gotten attached and I really want to keep it.

Tony, on the verge of an aneursym: Peter–Peter, that's a fucking panther.

[1luna1lovegood1]

Harley: I dare you-

Tony: Peter is not allowed to accept dares anymore.

Harley: Why not?

Peter, air quoting the first part: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.

[marvel-lous-guy]

Tony: PEteR bEnJAmiN PaRKeR!

Peter: y-yeah?

Tony: Why do you have a fake ID!?

Peter: *incoherent mumbling*

Tony: what was that?!

Peter: You have to be 18 to pet the puppies

[ironrad]

Morgan crying:

Peter: What’s wrong Maguna?

Morgan: Dad said you’re about to turn 20

Peter confused:

Morgan crying harder: Spiders can ONLY live up to 20 years

Peter: Awe, it’ll be fine. I’m not really a spider.

Peter frantically whispering to Tony: it’ll be fine, right?

Tony shrugging: I’m not a biologist.

Peter sweating profusely: