piyokosworldproblems

[piyokosworldproblems]

This is a thing that I wrote during one of my darkest times. It was very real and raw. However, what you read is the exaggerated version.

Relationships are really hard. Some are wonderful and others are toxic. And sometimes, they are both. 

**Disclaimer: Again, this is the exaggerated version**

~~~~~

I laid in the dark beside you. 

My heartbeat almost as fast as my stomach sank.

You talked for about an hour.

But as much as I wanted to listen, I couldn’t force myself to.

Every word you said was like another swing at my heart. 

I promised myself I would be strong this time. 

Tears still streamed down my cheeks.

Luckily, the darkness in the room loomed heavy over my face.

I wish you didn’t hear me cry.

I wish I could have been strong this time.

You break me.

You always have.

I still stay. 

I love you.

I want to love you.

Do I love you?

Do you love me?

You still talked. 

Your voice almost sounds robotic.

I wish you would allow yourself to feel. 

I wanted nothing more than to hear a crack of emotion in your voice.

I stared at the ceiling. 

Whenever I left alone or overwhelmed, I would watch the clouds roll by.

Watch the sky darken until the stars shone brightly. 

I don’t remember the last time I looked at the sky. 

You were still talked and my hands still shook.

You told me you didn’t know how to love. 

My heart was a lump in my throat. 

I wanted to tell you I loved you. 

Did it matter if you loved me?

As long as you were mine.

I let you go on. 

You never stopped.

I wish you would have stopped.

I felt the paralyzing truth that lingered over both of us. 

I wish I could help you. 

I want to be nothing more than to meet what your expectations are of me.

Why can’t I be that?

You have problems. 

I knew that when we started. 

You said you did not sign up for another relationship like your last.

I wish I could tell you how much this hurt.

But I can’t. 

I will never be able to tell you about the panic attacks at 3 am.

I will never be able to tell you the hate I feel when I look in the mirror.

I will never be able to tell you the will saved on my computer.

I will never be able to tell you about the rope in the closet. 

Or the missing pills from the bathroom cabinet. 

If I can’t help myself,

I want to at least help you. 

There is nothing left for me,

But you could have the greatest life if you let yourself.

I want the best for you.

But I know I am not the best for you.

[piyokosworldproblems]

Mood: having over 2000 songs in your library but only listening to the same 30 songs on repeat

[piyokosworldproblems]

Thank you to the person I hate the most. Part Two.

If you haven't read the first part, I suggest you read that for more of a background of who I'm referring to. If not, that is okay. This is more directed to the said person.

In this case, Bertha.

As I ended, I was naive. And I try to stress this fact. It is no excuse for my choices, but I believed the good in everyone.

Bertha had an iPhone that she flaunted. Her stepdad always bought her the newest, coolest products to get her to like him. She also had an iPod Touch that she never used. Bertha decided she wanted to talk with me outside of school. In this case, she let me borrow her iPod.

I didn't know what apps were. I barely knew how texting worked.

To skip ahead, Bertha had an app called Omegle where I came in contact with my first online predator and my first time being blackmailed.

Now.

Bertha took her iPod back and for a few days, things were weird.

She began spreading rumors, whispering behind my back, and not speaking with me.

I remember one time I accidentally bumped her and she squealed "Ew! I think I caught something!" And ran to the hand sanitizer.

Still, I don't know where this came from.

I became ignored.

By everyone.

Not just the students in my class, but the students in other classes. Not only that but the teachers began to turn their back to me.

I got called into the principal's office and there was my dad, Bertha, Bertha's mother, and a policeman.

I still don't really know what happened. Bertha showed text messages a man was sending me. I was blamed and ridiculed for a lot. I won't say anything further than that about myself or what was true or wasn't. Mostly because I still don't feel comfortable about it and I still refuse to let myself be called a victim.

Dear Bertha,

You are not God. You do not get to play God for anyone else. I don't care if you think you did a good deed for me. I'll tell you exactly what you did for me.

You fucked me up.

You screwed me over.

You messed my entire world up.

You do NOT get to make that about you.

You do NOT have the right to play the victim.

You are not a saint. By any means. I knew you better than that. If you were worried about my own well being, you should have asked me if things were okay. You should have asked me if I was okay. I don't care that this was brought up to the principal and I don't care I was suspended (cause honestly, that was the best suspension and my grandpa spoiled me.) But you had no means to tell anyone of my situation. You had no reason to spread lies. You had no reason to turn everyone against me. You had no reason to shun me and make me feel unwanted.

Because of you, I changed my entire life. I switched to a school where no one knew me.

I cut off all my hair.

I frequently saw a therapist.

I began hurting myself.

I began starving myself.

I began hiding.

I could never see the people I grew up with. I never got the chance to say goodbye. And even when I left, I got hate emails from you and others at the school. I had to find a new church.

I had to hit a restart in my life.

However,

Because of you Bertha, I met some amazing people. I met some of my best friends that stayed by my side throughout high school. I was able to live a life of freedom and self-expression. I learned that it was okay to be unique. I learned it was okay to be myself.

I relearned how to love myself.

I relearned to look in the mirror and remember that I was beautiful in my own way.

I relearned that there are good people in this world.

I relearned trust.

Because of those people, I built my confidence back. I was shaped to be a better person. I had life-changing experiences that have impacted my life for the better.

And for all of that, I want to thank you, Bertha. I want to thank you for screwing my life over so badly that I hit the reset button.

Thank you for giving me a better life.

Sincerely,

Piyoko.

P.S. Don't think I will forgive you by any means. I will punch you on sight. I don't care when or where. My fist will come in hard contact with your face and I will feel so much better.

P.P.S. It's been about 6 years since I last spoke with you or actually seen you. The fact that you still are talking about me needs to stop. I will continue to tell them that I don't know you and we were never friends. You do not exist in my life.

<3 Piyoko

[piyokosworldproblems]

Thank you to the person I hate the most. Part One.

Due to my job and current relationship status, I drive a lot. I don't think I'm the only one, but if I'm stuck in a car by myself from more than an hour things get topical and deep.

A part of me feels like it'll always be stuck in the past. I find myself reaching for acceptance that I don't need and closure from people who have well forgotten the past.

But one person in particular, other than myself, cannot forget.

I find it funny how parents know best. I mean, not all the time, but they have a pretty good idea from their own past experiences.

For their own privacy, we will call them...

Asshole.

Sorry, no, that's not appropriate.

We will call them...Bertha?

Is that better?

Bertha was, in fact, a girl.

(I don't know why I said was, she still is but I'm too lazy to make changes.)

Now, Bertha and I were really okay friends. You know those people who just make their way into your life without you acknowledging it was happening and then they suck on like a leech.

Yeah. That was Bertha.

Bertha came in around 4th grade.

Now I went to a Private Catholic school when I was a smol Piyoko. I don't know if this is true for all, but my school had a maximum of 86 students for PreK through 8th grade. I think the smallest class was a few grades below me who had 6 students (2 boys and 4 girls and you best believe there was some crazy drama!) Anyways, basically with a small class and being stuck together for years on end, the class cliques were already established at a young age.

I was what was referred to as a Floater. I didn't have any specific friends and I would just hang out with whoever was available at that time. I never cared for them much. I considered myself friends with a few but I knew I wasn't well liked by my fellow peers either, but that was just for different reasons. I'm what you call a brutally honest person.

In other words, I can be a real bitch.

Off topic.

So Bertha joined in 4th grade. This was odd since new students normally didn't join that late, but it does happen.

Bertha was greeted by most of the popular people in my class (I should say there was about 18 of us.) Bertha was fine. I don't remember much about her back then since we did not talk much. I just remember she had terrible handwriting and had a hard time spelling.

Which there's nothing wrong with. Just a few things I remember.

In fact, the reason we did begin to interact was that I was put in the "Specialized Math Course" designed to help the stupid people with math. Getting off topic a little more, they set this up in the library basement like far back where the nuns used to stay. It was crazy! For people who believe in the paranormal, they'd probably say that part of the school was haunted.

Bertha and I had frequent conversations in that basement. Mostly about how we hated math and that we weren't trying that hard anyway since stupid people math was fun and we got free candy. Half the time I don't think we did any math.

Through 5th and 6th grade, Bertha and I were kinda friends. I hate to admit fully that we were ever friends, so I'll say she was a girl who had a lot of cool stuff I wanted and I was someone who would talk to her.

My mom hated Bertha. She told be Bertha was a troublemaker and a bad influence. I know some peoples parents prefer kids calling them by their first names, but my mom was a firm believer that it was rude to do so.

The only kid that got away with calling my parents by their first name was Vio. To this day I still don't know why.

One day Bertha wanted to join Science Olympiad and asked me to do events with her. And I was like pfffffft sure, I got time to waste.

What up nerds, that's right, I was in Science Olympiad and you best believe I only did it for the free shirt.

This was a whole day that my mom drove us around to events and spent the day with her. At the very end after dropping Bertha off, she looked me in the eyes and said, "Do you seriously like this girl,"

Again, for my own pride, I'll never admit to being besties with her. But against my will, she kept me close and told me a lot of things. I never told her anything since her big mouth couldn't keep shut, but I did (*baby barf*) enjoy somewhat of the time with her.

She always had good snacks at her place.

Now before you scroll away thinking, "Oh Bertha was just a kid ya know, I don't see why you hate her."

Here's the thing I say to you.

Bertha was manipulative. She surrounded herself with me to make sure that it was only her.

Just Bertha. (DDLC fans ehhhhh?)

She could be social to anyone she wanted but once I tried to talk to anyone else she'd flock to my side and talk about all the fun times we had.

Bertha was so freakin' nosey about everything. I never liked to open up about anything, so she'd attempt to pry it out of me.

I hate saying I was a victim or whatever, but in that time I had a bus driver who was manipulative in a sorta rapey, child molester way. I was a very naive child and I thought he was just an overly generous, lonely, old man.

Bertha didn't ride my bus. Bertha didn't know that bus driver. But for some reason, Bertha made a statement to the principal about how he had come onto her.

Omg, why would she do that?!

Because Bertha enjoyed the attention.

Bertha fed off others attention.

Bertha was an attention seeker and any chance she would pounce on it.

Going into 7th grade, I noticed this. I became a little more self-aware and aware of those around me. I began choosing friends. Better friends. I stopped talking to Bertha as much.

Saying this again, I was naive. Very, very, stupidly naive.

I never had a phone. I never had an iPod. I barely was able to use a computer.

Basically, I had zero knowledge of it and only assumed that everyone on the internet was good people.

She says as she rants on Tumblr.

Part One.

<3 Piyoko

[piyokosworldproblems]

The RP Healer Manifesto

Guys I’ve been sitting on this idea for literally over a year IRL. I practically never play Nevivi in public at this point, I don’t even bother using her as a medic, I have stopped bothering even advertising that fact, and a huge portion of that is because of other healers. Everyone’s gotta get in on it the moment someone has a papercut, and if that means elbowing each other out of the way, writing over someone else’s boundaries, and completely screwing a scene over to make it theirs, it’s evidently all fair game in the name of getting to be a Big Damn Hero for a moment.

It’s bullshit, is what it is. We can all be better than that nonsense.

I am tired of hearing about (and being) healers who got a role in a scene literally yanked from their hands by someone louder and pushier and less mannerly. I’m extra tired of healers who get downright snippy with you if you try to nicely nudge them back out of the way. I’m super extra tired of attempting to be a healer in public only to get trampled, or to have someone assume I want to entertain whatever their fetish is.

So here. The ten commandments of RPing a healer without being a dick to other healers. I follow these. I hope you’ll consider doing the same.

Injured characters are not stepping stones to making a scene all about you, unless it really is already your scene. Leave the spotlight where you found it.

Other writers always have bodily autonomy over their characters no matter how accomplished your character is. Your job is to facilitate what they will allow to have happen to their character, within your character’s abilities. Anything else is god-modding.

If someone’s character is injured and someone else is there first, tough shit. They got there first. You may ask to join, and you may be told no. Respect that.

It isn’t always your job to jump in and patch someone up. If you’re RPing on private property, in an open world event, in an open forum, or otherwise in a venue or group with a hierarchy that includes a healer, and you’re not that healer, you don’t do their job for them unless asked. It’s not your scene.

If you have subjects you don’t want to write about, be clear and firm. You aren’t a real doctor. Nobody actually dies if you pass on a scene that could harm you to participate in. You have the right to end any interaction that crosses a boundary, on the spot, and without explanation until and unless you’re calm and able to do so.

You aren’t a real doctor. You won’t know how to handle everything realistically and that’s okay. Do research as you need, but don’t stress about it. Anyone who gives you shit for doing it wrong needs to take a step back. You are within your rights to tell them so.

There is no shame in researching anything you don’t know. Try adding “for writing” to searches. You’d be surprised how much of the heavy lifting has been done already. Don’t be afraid to gloss over things, too.

You have the right to tell anyone else butting into a scene that you are already part of to butt right back on out. It’s your scene if someone approaches you for healing. It’s your scene if it’s pre-negotiated. It’s your scene if it’s your own character being injured. It’s your scene if you are the healer in attendance for your group. 

Don’t be a douche. Don’t be a scene-stealer. Don’t be a spotlight hog. Don’t be more powerful than your patients want. Don’t forget to communicate. Don’t get swept up in being so important that you fail to be thoughtful.

Do have fun and be polite and respectful to each other. There’s enough RP to go around. If there’s not, we’re all capable of finding or making some. You’re only entitled to scenes you have a legitimate claim to.

[piyokosworldproblems]

It was Her.

This is just another roleplay post of my OCs. Again, this features Lance. It is the present time/age him instead of a flashback. Enjoy if you care~ OwO

~~~

Lance The King snorted at the events or Arnold and the girl. He clapped his hands his the excitement, "Well!" He said aloud. Lance averted his attention back to the King, "I will speak with Sir Endroc on the manner and from there we will speak with Princess Yumi on the matter of who will obtain custody of the wyverns."

Queen Katherine rolled her eyes, "You are dismissed. I must talk with my husband in private." She grumbled as she shooed them out.

Lance peered down the hallway where Naomi and Arnold disappeared to. He glanced down at Clink with a frustrated sigh, "You can't go into the shadows." He repeated as a reminder to himself. He began down the path, hoping that he would bump into them. 'I don't know her scent anyway.' Lance thought to himself. It was simple to find Yumi's shadow. It knew exactly how to track her. He was able to find the Kings too when he was alive, but finding shadows of others unfamiliar to him was difficult and sometimes nearly impossible without a scent. These abilities could only be performed in his shade state. Lance looked at Clink again, which he was not able to do.

Lance curiously continued to follow. He could only rely on hearing Arnold's overbearing voice somewhere near. He had to get back to Yumi soon. He became a little anxious to confirm his suspicions. Arnold called her Naomi also, he had to have been right. Was it the same Naomi? She looked much older now, though some things never changed. Her hair was still the same auburn color, though her curls seemed to have loosened into gentle waves through the years. The glimpse of her eyes back in the room still looked like the same green as they were before and the pattern of her freckles under her cheeks didn't seem to have changed.

"She wouldn't listen to me." The girl's voice whined out.

"All you had to do was escort her home. Did you tell her the castle was no longer deemed safe for visitors?" Arnold demanded.

Lance walked closer and within earshot to listen to their conversation.

"Well yes," Naomi muttered.

Arnold growled, "Not well yes, Naomi! Yes or no?" "I told her the castle was no longer safe, yes. But I also may have mentioned that we are harboring two wyverns-"

"You what?!" Arnold interrupted in sheer anger.

Naomi cringed, "I said it was hurt and wouldn't be able to attack anyone. She said she needed to use the washroom and when I went to check in on her and she was gone."

"You lost Lady Beatrice?!" Anger flowed with Arnold's blood. He threw up his hand and got ready to swing.

Lance rushed himself in front of the blow, blocking the hit with his arm. Arnold quickly yanked his hand back and held it close to him,

"What the hell!" Arnold groaned.

Lance looked back at Naomi who stood still behind him. He looked back to Arnold, "My bad." Lance spoke unapologetically.

Arnold clutched his other hand in a fist, "Sir Lance, for the sake of all that is holy, remove yourself from this situation before I knock you back to Mythicana." It was clear to Lance that he had lost his patience with the visiting kingdom awhile ago. 

"How I choose to punish my Knights are none of your concern."

Lance seemed to have blatantly ignored Arnold. Instead, Lance's attention was fixed on Clink. He caught the last bit of Arnold's word, "Knight or not, Sir Arnold, a lady should be respected." He glanced back. Naomi still seemed to be peering up at him with a doe-eyed gaze.

"Not when she can't do her job," Arnold glared past Lance and at Naomi, "I warned you, Naomi. The next time you messed up would be your last!" Arnold began to walk away after realizing that Naomi had not been listening, "Find her or else!" Arnold yelled out. Lance figured he didn't have much more to say. 

Lance felt a jolt from behind him that caused him to be unsteady, "Uh." Lance scowled as he regained his footing. He glanced down to see arms attempting to wrap around him, but both of their bulky armor made it difficult.

"I knew it!" Naomi squealed, "It was you!"

Lance removed her arms from his waist, "Watch it." He adjusted Clink. He turned to face her. Her eyes were fixated on him with a ridiculous smile,

"I passed the room and I saw you! I told myself it was you and it was!" Naomi rambled, "I didn't think Id ever see you again but now that I have, I have so much to tell you!"

Lance scanned her. 'I knew it.' He thought to himself. He turned around and began walking back to the wyverns room.

"W-wait!" Naomi stumbled over her armor, "Where are you going?"

Lance looked back over his shoulder, "I have to return to my duties. I only wanted to confirm you were who I thought and now that I have, I must head back."

Naomi scowled, "You're so formal." She pouted, "Are you not curious?" She said referring back to her armor.

Lance faced her. He was a little curious how a girl like her obtained the title of a knight. It was far too unusual for an Aelian woman to join their army. He stayed as she walked closer, "I suppose."

"It was because of you!" She grinned wide with the same smile that made it hard to take her seriously. Lance furrowed his brows,

"Me?"

"Yes!" Naomi shuffled her feet, "When you saved me in the forest-"

"Saved is an overstatement." Lance looked away from her. He didn't really remember that day. He could remember arguing with Endroc before taking a walk then finding a girl dressed in rags crying in the forest. He gave her some food and sent her off on one of Mythicana's palace horses. From there his memory was vague.

"Nevertheless, you did. If it wasn't for your kindness I probably would have ended up in Mythicana's prison. For all I know, I could have been Princess Yumi's slave!" Naomi shuddered. Lance snorted. He was thinking of telling her that wasn't how Mythicana worked, but he would let her imagination run wild for the time being. 

"I came right home and I told my father that I wished to become a knight. You see, I wanted to be just like you! I wanted to be kind and humble. I wanted to save others while encouraging them to be what they want to be." Naomi spoke with passion, "It took a lot and I got picked on often. I was told a woman couldn't be a knight and I almost gave up. But every time I thought about it, I remembered the boy who sacrificed losing his title to help a scared little Aelian girl." Lance smirked. He didn't remember everything, but he knew her young mind must've recalled the day differently. He had been carrying extra food in his knapsack that he planned on throwing out for the dogs. The horses weren't hard to sneak off since their primary mode of transportation was dragons or griffins. Did she see him as a sort of hero? 

Her cheeks were a rosy red, "As you might have seen, I'm still new."

Lance nodded, "It is a lot of responsibility."

"It sure is!" Naomi giggled. She perked up, "I have an idea!" Her squeak caused Lance's brow to raise, "You can help me find Lady Beatrice!" 

Lance shook his head, "I'm afraid not. I told you I must get back." He started towards the direction of the room. Naomi's armor clinked against one piece and another to catch up to him,

"Where are you headed?"

Lance continued, "The room where the wyvern lays. The Princess is waiting,"

"Perfect!" Naomi skipped alongside him, "I think Lady Beatrice might be there!" She interrupted him before all his words registered in her mind, "Princess Yumi? She isn't with the wyvern." Lance paused and immediately caused Naomi to trip over herself,

"What do you mean she isn't with the wyvern?" His voice shook as he demanded an answer.

Naomi tilted her head, "Sir Kotano of Mythicana took Prince Alaric and Princess Yumi out to spend more time together. I was supposed to be in charge of keeping Prince Alaric and Lady Beatrice separated."

"Damn you Endroc!" Lance held Clink tight as he began running down the halls, "You’ll pay for this, Bastard!"

~~~

I’m still not sure how much I’ll post. I enjoy Lance’s character and arc a lot. I’m happy to put these major events up for everyone. I’ll make note to give a thorough character description for him or anyone who plays an important role.

Thanks for reading :3

<3 Piyoko

[piyokosworldproblems]

🌱🌱🌱

[piyokosworldproblems]

Lance’s Flashbacks

These are just a few flashbacks of my OC Lance. He is one of my favorite characters from my role plays. Enjoy~

~~~

Lance peered out the window to the castle. He sat tall in a carriage that the horses pulled. A boy, not much older than he, sat cramped beside Lance; though, the boy was scrawny and did not take up much space. In front of the two was an older boy who had a snarl that seemed permanently tattooed on his face. Lance did not pay attention much to the boys, yet instead had his gaze locked on the walls of Mythicana's castle. More specific where the Princess' quarters lay.

"This will be fun! I am very excited!" The scrawny boy yelled out with his fist raised in the air, "Today we become men!" His laughter rang in Lance's ears.

"You are nothing but a child. Don't get too excited." The older boy grumbled, 

"Guardship is for the men to be picked from the children, like yourself. It is pure hell, you will not last seven sunsets before being killed." His legs began to bounce anxiously.

The meek boy shrugged, "I don't think that." He glanced past Lance who did not look away from the castle,

"Hey." The boy said as he looked back to the boy with a stern look, "I remember you!" He squinted his eyes as if his sight was a bit off, "Yeah! You're the boy from the last section! The one that left a few seasons ago! Endroc, right? They sent you home for-"

"You don't know a damn thing about me, peasant!" He growled deeply as he lunged at the child. He placed his rather large hand around his throat and squeezed tight, "Don't you be spreading my name everywhere! You shut your mouth, you don't know anything!" He lifted his face close to his before pushing him back into his seat. Endroc sat with his arms crossed. He spat a wad of spit out the window of the other side.

The boy coughed obnoxiously in Lance's direction. He gasped for a big breath of air, "Kotano." He sputtered.

"Excuse me?" Endroc raised his brow with a sneer, "What did you call me?"

"Not you." He began to compose himself, "You called me peasant because you didn't know my name. My name is Kotano." He sat back straight in the seat, 

"We're all going to be bunkmates and I would like you both to call me by my name." Kotano straightened his training armor.

Lance continued staring from the window. He felt nudges here and there by accident from Kotano that would bring him back to reality, but nothing to draw his attention away from the window. Was she thinking of him? Did she miss him? Was she crying for him to come back? He promised her to visit, although he understood it would have to be in secret. He promised to write her as well and expected letters from her. His parents disappeared only a year ago. In this time, he relied on Yumi to be his source of happiness, and she always was. Her beaming smile brought out the best in his behavior. His mind was wrapped around her and he found it hard to do things without her near. He took a gulp. Eight years went into Guardship training, did she understand that? Did she understand her promise? Did she know what he meant?

'Promise me! Promise you'll wait for me! Eight years isn't so long, only a few sunrises and I will be back to play in the castle with you forever! So, please, wait for me,'

"Mayumi," Lance muttered.

"Ma-what?" Kotano tilted his head, "That's a pretty odd name, but I guess I cannot judge much." He continued to gaze heavy at Lance, "Are you okay?"

"We're talking to you!" Endroc stuck out his leg to give a hard kick to Lance, "Pay attention."

The carriage began to move. The three boys bounced in the back over the rocks that the wooden wheel ran over. The castle slowly began to fade in the opposite direction. Lance closed his eyes and let out a deep breath,

"My apologies, my mind was temporarily distracted. I would appreciate if you could please repeat any questions that were directed towards me and I will answer them promptly." Lance glanced at the two who wore blank expressions.

Kotano chuckled, "What's your name?"

"Lance."

"You sure talk funny, Lance. What quarter do you live in, Lance?"

"None."

Kotano furrowed his brows, "Well how can you live in no quarter? Are you not from Mythicana?"

"I am," Lance answered ominously.

"Then you must be from a quarter."

"I am not."

Kotano grumbled to himself. Endroc narrowed his eyes at Lance, "He isn't from the quarters."

"You don't say." Kotano huffed.

"He isn't because he is from the castle." Endroc pointed out and watched 

Lance's reaction, "You're Lance, the offspring of Ashton, the King's personal guard."

"I am. Don't whisper, it is no secret." Lance said as if he had heard the story plenty of times.

Endroc gave a hidden smile, "Living in the castle must have its perks. You must be close to the Princess."

Lance raised his head to meet Endroc's eye contact.

"I heard that you two are quite close. Are you not her plaything? How is playing with dolls and trying on her gowns? She is a gem. Imagine how she will look when we get back." Endroc made an exaggerated figure of a body with a sharp wink before holding out his hand, "Very nice to meet someone of such high class, Prince."

Lance amusedly looked at Endroc's hand. He reached out until their hands met. Lance gripped tight and twisted Endroc’s arm until cracks could be heard, "Never speak of the Princess in my presence." He let go and let Endroc caress his arm. Lance pressed his back to the seat as his head turned out the window.

"We're going to have fun." Kotano smiled between the tension radiating between the two.

~~~

The rain of the storm beat down on the roof of the bunker. Water seeped through the cracks into the bucket that was half full. Lance opened the squeaking wooden door. He shuffled himself inside the hut and shut the door carelessly behind him. Dirty and wet from the storm, Lance shook the mud from his boots and water from his hair.

"You're making quite a mess again." Kotano stuck his head up from a bottom bunk. He rolled out of his bed and began to wipe up the water with an extra cloth. 

Lance began to strip his clothing on the side of his bed, "Sorry." He muttered. 

The top bunk creaked loudly as Endroc rolled over to glare at Lance, "Sir Bartholomew stopped by again." He grumbled towards Lance. His voice began to strengthen with Lance's lack of acknowledgment, "He asked where you were..." His brow twitched with annoyance, "Again." 

Lance glanced at Endroc before continuing to pull up his undergarments and beginning on his pants. Endroc sat up and dangled his legs over the side. His grip tightened on the side of the bed, "Kotano and I are running out of excuses, Lance. You understand that your careless behavior affects us too."

"My apologies." Lance shrugged flatly.

"Damn right your apologies." Endroc spat, "Sir Bart made Kotano and I do your work as well as your exercises to make up for your absence. I don't care how great you think you are when you decide to actually show up, this is unacceptable."

"You took care of Midnight?" Lance looked up shortly as he referred back to his horse, "You made sure to use the water from the southern springs, yes? She doesn't like the east pond water. It's dirty-"

"It's a damn horse, Lance!" Endroc jumped down from his bed and walked towards Lance, "Where do you go? To whom is this beloved woman you lie down with on nights like these?"

Lance wandered to grab a shirt from his drawer, "Tis none of your business." Lance scavenged further.

"Do you travel to the castle?" Endroc pushed harder.

Lance pulled a shirt from and closed the drawer with a sharp slam, "I have no business with the castle." He replied in his usual emotionless tone.

"To see the beloved woman named Yumi, is it?"

Lance slammed his fist on the top of the dresser, "Tis none of your business!"  Lance's eyes widened as he turned to find Endroc holding a letter.

"This is my business-"

"Where did you get that?" A deep growl formed in Lance's throat. 

Endroc threw it to the ground, "Do not take Kotano and me for fools, Lance." He gripped onto Lance's shoulders, "The only fool here is you!" Lance shoved his arms off. He leaned down to grab the letter. A strong force caused Lance to fall to his side with a hard grunt. Endroc set his foot back on the ground and stood over Lance, "Go back and I will let every man know of your doings." He turned to go back to his bed. 

Kotano watched quietly. 

Lance grimaced to himself, "And?"

Endroc looked back with his hands up, "And you will never be able to see her!"

"And I will remind them of the boy who cried death." Lance slowly stood back up. 

Endroc scowled,"Excuse me."

Lance held onto his elbow that dripped heavily with blood, "Suspicious." He threw his head back with a soft chuckle, "How five boys in training were mysteriously murdered on patrol led by...That's right! You! I do believe you told the King it was two Aelian soldiers who killed them but left you alive to tell the tale of warning."

Kotano jumped between the two boys, "That's enough accusations for the night." Kotano glared at Lance, "I do not care where you sneak off to, but at least wipe your feet before coming in." He looked back at Endroc, "Only you know what happened that day, Endroc. We trust what you say is true. Lance is only tempered."

"I am not tempered. I can speak for myself and I meant that! Your patrol was some of the top boys. You think two Aelian soldiers could take out five of our top trainees? Furthermore, as I recall you had no scars or bruises, only blood on your chest plate." Lance stared deep into Endroc's eyes,

"Tis none of your business." Lance blew out the last candle lit, letting the room fall dark.

~~~

If there’s any interest in having me continue posting these, I will try to do so! I have a few other characters that are my babies and I would be happy to share them!

Just please let me know if you do enjoy my writing or have critics (I’m very sensitive about my writing so be gentle!) 

<3 Piyoko

[piyokosworldproblems]

Waitresses/Waiters

Dear Complainers,

I was once a server and there are just a few things I would like to emphasize for you before you complain to your waitress/waiter.

1.) As the server, we are aware that our prices can be “ridiculous.” However, as the SERVER we do NOT decide the prices of the food. There is nothing we can do besides wonder why you’re even looking at the most expensive item or why you chose our place anyways.

2.) I understand that cold, undercooked or overcooked food is disgusting and we apologize for the inconvenience. However, as the SERVER we do NOT cook the food. If you have a complaint, I would love to bring out a cook or a manager, but do NOT yell at your server who had nothing to do with it.

3.) Please refrain from the jokes we have heard 1000x. If I would ask “Can I get you anything else” and you say “a million dollars” or “the winning numbers for the lottery” I will make sure to boycott your table for refills.

4.) Do NOT bang, knock, punch, honk, or throw items at the drive-thru window. I understand you are trying to grab the attention of the server, but you are being incredibly rude and impatient. Chill.

There are so, so many other things that annoyed me about being a server.

So just don’t do it.

If you have a complaint, be respectful and understand it isn’t always a server's fault. We are people too and we still have feelings. Next time try to remember that. You never know what is going on in someone else’s life that day, week, month, or year.

Sincerely,

The ones who have the upper hand to shoot a loogie in your next refill

If any of you have been a Server or worked in customer service, let me know something that annoys you.

<3 Piyoko

[piyokosworldproblems]

Forever a Cat Person...

Warning: This post will include the topic of self-harm and suicide. If that’s something that may be upsetting, please enjoy my other posts.

I wrote a paper on this subject recently and although I didn’t get in depth about it, it has never left my mind. It’s something that I have only ever shared with select few or was too embarrassed to really talk about. It wasn’t a time when I was confident or really proud of myself, but it happened. I don’t want to feel shame for the past anymore and feel free to openly say “Yes, that happened.” 

There’s a bond between my cat and I that is ultimately unbreakable. I love him despite his desire for world domination and here’s why,

This is my cat, Chip. He is 16.8 lbs of pure hatred for most beings. Though he shares the markings of a Turkish Van, he is proudly your run-of-the-mill Domestic Short Hair. 

My sister and I had a deal. She got a cat and I got a dog. Her old outdoors cat ran away and out family dog went to the vet and never came back.

So in April of 2006, we brought home Chip! My Grandpa had three barn cats, Chip and his brothers Alec and Peanut Butter. That day of meeting them, my sister immediately chose Chip.

The name was difficult, so if you are wondering why, he has a black speck in his left ear. We called is a little “Chocolate Chip” and the name kinda just stuck.

Our old cat's name was Oreo. We aren’t creative, we just like cookies.

As Chip grew older, he grew a slight attitude. He would let you know when he was hungry, when to pet him and when not to. I always thought he had gotten out sometimes because he would hide under a bed all the time. 

Catnip was always the trick to lure him out.

In April of 2007, we welcomed home my puppy, Rosie. I spent a lot of my time with my dog and training her. Of course, Chip didn’t care much for human contact so I never had a bond with him. 

I cared for each of my animals, though. 

My sister and I are roughly 4 years apart. This meaning when I started high school, she was just going away to college. She moved into the dorms and left Chip behind. It seemed to affect him.

Chip and my sister never really had a great bond, but she was good about taking care of him and for that, he showed her the slightest of appreciation by sleeping under her bed that night.

When she did come home, she brought along a new addition to her beginning family. A small, extremely naughty, kitten named Moeky.

She replaced Chip and he was aware of that. (Side note: Chip hates other cats and dogs...and basically anything that moves and breaths) 

To this day, he still has a special place of hatred for her. 

(Scroll down if you want to know more about my kitty. This part will be me ranting on about how I got bullied and my depression.)

Switching off of the cat for a minute, let me provide a little more detail on what had been happening the past few years leading up to my Freshman year.  

I was enrolled in Catholic Schooling. For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, it is just like in the movies with nuns slapping your wrists.

Just kidding, but it was dreadful. 

I suffered through it. I was really part of the loners who did her own thing and talked to everyone. I didn’t dislike anyone, but I also couldn’t say that I had a true friend there. Teachers disliked me as well as the principal. 

I’m not claiming to had been a great kid. I got detention often.

But I also felt like I had grown up a little too early.

Anyways, I’ll summarize since most came to read about my cat.

I got bullied.

And I know a lot of kids do so I won’t exaggerate it. I was in the 7th grade which is a pretty hard grade to get through. You’re learning new things about yourself, starting to really figure out your friendships and in some cases thinking about relationships.

It wasn’t just the girls who were brutal, but the boys too.

Let's just say, within a span of a week, I was suddenly at a new public school where no one knew me or my siblings and was seeing a therapist twice a week.

Now listen, being........13(?) it was hard to switch to a public school with nobody only months before my 7th-grade year ended. I think there were only 4 months left. And in those 4 months, the girl, who was basically assigned to be my friend via the welcoming committee, was diagnosed with Leukemia and I still made no new friends.

8th grade was kinda a blur of emotions so I’ll breeze through the key points. I played a persona. A mix of -deres I seen in anime that I wanted to be like. I made a few new friends and lost them within the year, had my first “real” boyfriend and was cheated on (he screwed a girl), and at the end of the year, she lost her battle with cancer.  

So. Freshman year.

I quit going to my therapist and felt finally comfortable being myself with my new friends. Most of which happened to be of the male species because they seemed easier to deal with. 

I lost someone who meant the world to me. He didn’t die or anything, but we lost contact and that was something that seriously messed me up. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, he was my first and actually only love.

I distanced myself from my friends after that. I showed a darker side and ghosted a lot. I emerged myself in a world of video game live streaming and the wonderful worlds of a slice of life anime. I cried a lot and could only think back to being bullied. The words and things they said never shook and I clung to them like they were my own sentences and my own actions. 

I stopped caring.

I stopped caring for the world and for life itself. 

Thinking back now, I couldn’t tell you what was going on in my head at the time, but I wasn’t right. 

I knew I had my best friend to talk to, but I was ashamed of myself, in my actions, and terrified she would be too. 

So I kept it all building inside my head and feeding my depression. 

I tried to combat it with anything.

More anime, more live streams, more music

Nothing worked.

This grew farther than ignoring my friends and I started ignoring my family. I became a boiling pot of mixed, probably hormone induced, emotions that threatened to spill. 

I hated the world, but I hated myself more.

My actions haunted me. The built-up secrets that I had that only my parents knew. My siblings didn’t know I saw a therapist and neither did my friends. My siblings didn’t know I was being bullied and only made things worse with chants of how special I was because my parents loved me the most to send me to a new school as if it were my choice.

Looking back now, I was being very dramatic for the way things were.

But also, that all of those demons inside my head saying to “end it” was real at the time. 

Which is now where my lovely kitty kitty comes back into play. 

I didn’t have anything or anyone who I could really talk to. 

I had no one to tell me just to stay a day longer. 

And so, with that mindset, I attempted to commit suicide. 

I waited for my parents to leave and when I was alone to make a suicide video. I addressed each person who still had some sort of significance in my life. 

I was hoping that doing that, thinking of each person watching it, would give me a reason to stay. But it didn’t. 

I was calling out, crying for just the four letter word,

Stay.

I went back to my room, sat on the bed and stared at a knife. 

I didn’t think I had a single tear left in my body.

Going in with the knife to my wrist, all I felt was the warmth of a fuzzy white paw and someone finally told me to stay. 

All I could feel was a rush of emotion looking into his big eyes.

And for the first time, he sat there and let me cry into his fur. 

My cat. A cat, who is an apathetic asshole to most, saved my life.

I cried in his fur until my parents came home and finally noticed there was something wrong. His poor fur was soaked.

I went back to therapy and got the help I needed. 

Chip slept with me almost every night after that one. If he didn’t, he would watch my every move and follow me at a short distance. 

He still kept up his tough guy attitude. 

Months after therapy and feeling stable, I allowed myself and my therapist to play back my video.

And in my video without me noticing, 

A very round, white fluff ball sat behind me with his eyes never leaving my shaking body.

And that is why I will forever be a cat person. 

My cat is one of my best friends and in his older age, I constantly work to make sure he is living his best life. He sleeps with me nightly now and stays close to where I am. 

Thank you for letting me share my story and get a little off my chest!

If you are going through a rough patch, feel free to message me. I’ll send you pictures of my dapper kitty. 

And if there’s no one telling you those four letters, Chip and I are here to say them. 

Stay. 

If you have any stories about your animals, please let me know! I love hearing about them!

<3 Piyoko

[piyokosworldproblems]

Ghosting.

I hope everyone enjoyed their holiday!

I want to pretend that was the reason for my absence, and well sure it played a part in it, it was also because I get distracted easily.

I ghost.

A lot.

It’s never on purpose and is usually because of my own self rather than another person doing something.

Ghosting someone on accident is already pretty bad, but realizing that you’re doing it can be a bit worse. 

Ironically, this was already a topic I wanted to cover. It’s something I do a lot and needed to say it openly.

Sometime during High School, I was really into Twitch and watching/participating in live streams. So much so, I’d find a small community and really support it. After finding one that I fit into, I stayed active for a good year. I had a lot of fun on the Minecraft server in factions, creating my own PeaceKeepers faction, and dedicating each Saturday as honorary Piyoko Purge day. I made a lot of friends on TeamSpeak and that meant a lot to me.

Over time, my schedule got busy and I no longer had time to log in every day like I used to.

I want to believe it was my busy schedule that kept me away, but honestly, I just didn’t feel like logging on. Which began the first of my ghosting problem.

I didn’t return for about a year. I told myself a lot that I was busy and had other things to do. But even when I was online, I would just avoid wherever they were active.

Let me point out this had nothing to do with them. I still get online sometimes to keep updated. At the time, I just went out of my way to avoid it. I have to enjoy something to the full to give it my attention and at the time, I didn’t care too much about it. 

Maybe I grew out of it at the time or burnt myself out by the countless hours I spent online when I should have been sleeping, but either way, I didn’t want to deal. 

I do this in my Roleplays too (Sorry Clara. <3) This is the bad one that I find myself doing because I care a lot about my characters.

I have ghosted my Roleplay partner a lot. She’s so great about replying too. 

I’ll have waited a month to reply, and she will go out of her way to ensure I have a reply by morning or later that evening. Then she will usually wait another month before I get enough motivation to reply. 

I do feel horrible about it, don’t get me wrong. 

The worst part is that we will keep in contact throughout the time that I’m not replying and she’s too nice to yell at me to reply.

Last of all,

I ghost people in general. I go out of my way to stay out of contact with them. Sometimes to the point of blocking them on Facebook from seeing that I was somewhere close to them. 

It’s just something I need to work on.

But I know I can’t be the only one.

<3 Piyoko

[piyokosworldproblems]

Things College Has Taught Me...

I'll be completely honest. I despise school. It provides me with nothing but useless facts. I find that I am a firm believer that you should really only need to take courses on the information that corresponds to your degree.

I'll be the first to admit that I didn't give college a fair chance. I skip my classes a lot and never care enough to put in the effort.

HOWEVER.

College hasn't exactly taught me the things I was anticipating on learning.

So. Heres a list of things I have learned so far in college.

English 101 should really be called 'Writing 101' or 'Formatting 101' because I have only been writing and submitting papers all semester.

I have learned a considerable amount of information about my English Professor's dog. In her words, "They snuggle better than men."

The coffee in the basement cafe is really just flavored milk.

The boy who sits next to me in English is seriously addicted to porn.

You can make friends by offering those around you candy.

I enjoy the basement milk.

I get basement milk daily.

CLS (College Learning Studies) is the most ridiculous course I have ever taken.

The wifi is terrible.

My English Professor hates me since I refuse to accept that "a person who emails pictures of a dead girl's body to her parents" is still under the same category of "internet trolls."

My Math Professor's conservative sister drunkenly made out with their Uncle Tim.

Uncle Tim is a very dirty man.

Uncle Tim "likes 'em young"

I have become excellent in the art of doodles.

It doesn't matter how you dress in college.

If you want to be a good student, check your student email a lot.

I am not a good student.

Never. Forget. Headphones.

Every year, this is always a phenomenon that happens (fully loaded magazine found in the bathroom, murder in parking garage, etc.)

I am not a morning person.

Daydreaming about my characters makes time go by faster.

There's a lot of other things I have learned, but I think it can be summarized in one sentence.

I Hate College.

<3 Piyoko

[piyokosworldproblems]

Piyoko Blogs

Alright.

I don’t log into Tumblr much anymore because I’ve been busy and other things catch my interest. 

However, I have decided to turn my page into a blog (more like a rant page.) 

I plan on logging on daily to weekly and stay relatively active and keep updating about random events in my life. Someday might be more active than others. I may have a lot to say or nothing much has happened interestingly.

I was always told that I should make a YouTube on “story time” and such but honestly I’m not committed enough to look nice every time or at least make a set look nice, etc. I also get off topic when I talk and the story turns into five combined. Writing helps with that.

I also really like sharing my roleplays or writing, so I’m thinking adding inserts of those ever so often depending on if an audience (not saying I think I’ll really ever build one but I hope) might want! Let me know! 

I really want to interact with others as well, so feel free to comment or if you want me to talk about anything. Feel free to leave questions!

Thanks for the support.

<3 Piyoko

[piyokosworldproblems]

I was poking at a friend about how she didnt save me in her phone....I still dont understand what just happened here....she sent me those texts and followed with the picture. HOW?!

[piyokosworldproblems]

Sorry for how grainy this looks? It only looks like this on tumblr ^^;; These are my OC from my Roleplay. It isn't canon, but the Roleplay is on temporary hiatus (again...) and I get bored. I tried my hand at a new style. I'm not sure if I'll keep this way for awhile. I do like the outcome and I adore the ship!

[piyokosworldproblems]

I drew this a bit ago. I had the sketch but decided to try my hand at coloring it with pencils. I dont really like how smudged it looks or the coloring/shading, but I think I did pretty good for a first time. (In case you didnt know, its suppose to be Lady Aphmau from Minecraft Diaries)

[piyokosworldproblems]

It's at a weird angle but this is my first fanart of Cry plays: Life Is Strange. I was originally posting it on Twitter if anyone was wondering why it has his twitter name. Thank you!