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“No one cared who I was until I put on the mask”

(via)

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don’t abandon joy because it is brief. don’t commit to solitude because happiness is fleeting. it’s okay that good things do not last forever. it’s okay to simply enjoy a thing for as long as you have it.

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CW: medical neglect, death mention, medical trauma, infection, healthcare, pain, please be aware that the sources linked cover cases that may be especially upsetting or triggering to read about)

When I got my poor infected tonsils removed, I was on about day 7 or 8 and in a butt-load of pain. It was to the point where I wasn't able to drink enough liquids and was getting dehydrated and really starting to go downhill pretty quickly. I knew, based on past experiences that have given me a good understanding of my capabilities, that if I could just get rehydrated I'd be able to make it through the rest of the recovery. So I had my sweet mom (who works hard as my caregiver and keeps me alive) call in to the ER to see if they'd be able (read: willing) to give me an IV.

Of course the ER is well equipped to administer IVs, but are they gonna give me one without a fight? As if! I have a chronic illness which is automatically translated by healthcare workers to 'drug seeking malingerer'. The healthcare system isn't set up to support, accommodate, validate, or respect the chronically ill and it would have been really detrimental to my deteriorating health to have spent the little energy I had to show up just to be sent home. Hence the phonecall.

My mom spent probably about 15 minutes on the phone fighting to convince whatever mighty and merciless medical deity working that day and tasked with passing judgement on the wicked and preserving the resources for the worthy that all I needed was an IV. No, I wasn't coming in for any drugs or pain meds (despite having high enough pain that I couldn't swallow water and was Not Doing Well At All). Of course I'll fulfill my allotted time of painful suffering that all those punished with tonsil removal surgery must endure without any extra pain-relieving blessings from the Great Healing Ones. I know I'm unworthy. All I ask is a drop of lifesaving saline. Please.

Eventually they believed us. So I went in, got my saline IV with no special anything in it, felt soooo much better, and went home. After a few more days of now-manageable suffering, I recovered. Huzzah.

It's wild to know that if I needed pain meds (which would have been amazing, given my level of pain at the time despite my high pain tolerance due to being in pain literally all the time), I wouldn't have been given any. If I had even suggested that I wanted any, I most likely wouldn't have been able to get my IV and who knows what would have happened. I know that with my chronic illnesses, I can decline really quickly. Other people with my condition (myalgic encephalomyelitis) have died or nearly died because of healthcare professionals' reluctance to provide timely and adequate basic care (source and source), not to mention trying to get pain management for the chronic pain that is a part of these chronic illnesses and their comorbidies.

It's so messed up.

"drug-seeking behavior" woah the patient wants u to treat their ailments with medicine ...... thats crazy

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cardamom, cinnamon, saffron, nutmeg, clove, star anise, black pepper, allspice, cumin, fennel, turmeric, coriander, bay leaf, sumac, juniper, fenugreek, ginger, mace, mustard seed, thyme, rosemary, marjoram, lavender, oregano, basil, tarragon, sage, chervil, dill, parsley, mint

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good morning to only bisexuals with an unsteady grip on time, people trapped in castles, the minotaur, people driving cars full of drugs, those unstuck in time, women who rest and relax, girl wizards, those fighting holy wars, those who cannot continue to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality, riddle-telling trains, tennis academy attendees, greek students, aliens named after cars, and convenience store women. the rest of you hi ig 😐😒

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so obviously tiktok's not where you're going to go for reliable info (or any social media site, even (especially) Tumblr, let's be real), but are we really going to dismiss the possibility that the things we consume might just affect our bodies? Our brains included?

Here's a scientific journal I found saying that there appears to be a positive correlation between synthetic food dye (including red 40) and behavior.

Here's one talking about how red 40 can lead to neurotoxicity and how it affected the brains of rats they dosed with it.

A whole health affects assessment report on the subject by the Children’s Environmental Health Center, Office of Environmental Health Hazard Assessment, and California Environmental Protection Agency

reality isn't always intuitive. it isn't determined by what we think is possible or true. we should seek out reputable sources but that doesn't mean that we need to dismiss everything else as lies and foolishness. we just need to take the potential unreliably into account and then find better sources to verify.

I'm no expert in synthetic dyes or red 40 or anything. Do your own research and come to your own conclusions. I just looked into this briefly and found that it might actually be deeper than 'tiktok moms being extra and superstitious about silly things' (why are we judging people like this anyways? seems mean and shallow, but I hardly know anything about what's going on with tiktok, so whatever)

thats the newest thing i keep seeing from tiktok moms btw. red40 rage. little Pierogi Maysen gets red40 rage so that’s why we feed him natural grey sludge. The skittles make him angry and evil so he gets chia seed slime for dessert

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genuinely wild to me that my entire job is being on the phone now. when i moved from my factory job into the office management side i had panic attacks over every phone call. once i had to call a a sales representative for one of our suppliers and left a voicemail for this man (named sam) where i very loudly began with “Hi, Ham!” and i froze for a solid 15 seconds of stomach-to-asshole terror before i hung the phone up with audible force. and that was the day my supervisor told me through tears that if you press the pound key at the end of your voicemail instead of hanging up it gives you the option to re-record.

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aww, a baby @pukicho

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acceptable ways to correct yourself if you misgender a trans person

“I went to the store with her–him”

“He and I–sorry she and I went to the movies”

“He’s–I mean they’re a big fan of Marvel Comics”

not acceptable ways to correct yourself if you misgender a trans person

“She really likes–oh my god I mean he, I’m so sorry, I just don’t have it down yet, you need to give me time, I mean, I’m getting it, I promise, it’s just so hard sometimes, and I don’t even know where that came from, and I’m so sorry, I really didn’t mean to, you just have to go easy on me, I’ve never done this before, it’s just, I’m getting it, it won’t happen again, it’s just hard, you get it, right?”

this has been a psa

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Your dislike or phobia for certain animals never outweights the animal's right to exist and live, i keep running into this behavior and i don't know why some folks never got to learn that. Who do you think you are

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hey so i went to Cares About You So So Much Island and built a little house and lived there forever and ever until all the stars burned out and the universe went dark (and still i remained)

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I'm an angry person but anyone who knows me knows I abhor violence. I'd never want to seriously hurt someone. However I should be allowed to do cartoon physics violence. Sometimes when people piss me off I just want to flatten them with a big hammer and turn them into a pancake and then they go *pop* and they're totally uninjured. That would be fine

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I will forever be profoundly unimpressed with people who take pride in their unkindness to others

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we finally watched the full Marvel Loki series

what really made it interesting (and why we waited so long to watch it) is because we have a Loki introject. Except we "introjected" him years ago when we were only an immersive daydreamer and so his path diverged from his source material some time around Thor 1 or Avengers 1 with a few continued similarities as life went on and as more marvel stuff came out, but he really got his own story.

Anyways, he became a headmate when we became a system. We tried watching Loki (the show) at some point but everything was pretty chaotic at the time and it was just adding extra stress, so we stopped.

Anyways, things are going really well right now so we figured we'd try again and Loki was willing to give it a try.

It was good. Loki doesn't feel super connected with TV Loki but we had fun watching it together anyway.

Loki has graciously and only a little begrudgingly allowed me to share some highlights (there are spoilers!):

"Well I don't like to hurt people"

"Why are there so many ads?"

Yelling "Why don't you use your magic, you idiot?!" ... "Oh. Ok good"

"Do you think we spend more time watching ads or the show?"

"Oh no, I'm singing. Oh you like it, don't you :)"

"There's no way I'd take spend that long learning that"

watching ads "I hate these people"

"Oh look! It's like Yggdrasil"

"That would be get boring really quickly after everyone's forgotten you"

It would have been nice to document these while we were actually watching but it would have ruined the experience. There was a lot of frustration with the amount of ads Disney+ has (it really is ridiculous though), some light roasting directed at me for finding him attractive, him reliably predicting what was about to happen (nothing too infuriating/major though), and just a lot of light banter/analysis of the show.

Watching source material with those headmates who've introjected from it is honestly something I've really come to enjoy. It's such a nice way to connect more deeply and it's fun to hear their thoughts on stuff.

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My work boots are the most expensive shoes I’ve ever owned.

Also the most comfortable. I chose them after trying on several different brands and comparing lifespan vs usage vs comfort - I needed them for a physically demanding job, not the weekend hiking trails. I could have easily chosen cheaper boots that would have lasted long enough to be worth their low price, but I know the Sam Vimes Boot Theory and knew weaker, less comfortable boots would make my life harder in the long run.

So when the outside edge of the heel started wearing down after three years of heavy use I went to the shop I got them from and said “hey this is a common problem for me with how I walk but now it’s affecting my ankles and knees and I don’t wanna have to buy a new pair, is there a way to fix this?”

The salesman at this very fancy upscale boot store said “oh yeah, there’s a shoe repair place that can give you some heel guards - it’ll keep the rubber from wearing out.”

So at 8am this morning right after my 9hr shift ends I went to the shoe repair shop and it is the most hole-in-the-wall, is-this-a-real-business-or-a-mafia-front, am-I-gonna-get-shot tiny cinder block cube I’ve ever seen in my life. I grew up plenty poor and love me a good hole-in-the-wall business, but going from upscale store to this cash-only repair shop gave me whiplash. Wasn’t expecting this when a guy who wears three piece suits to sell boots said it’s the best place to go.

The skinny kid behind the counter looks somehow 16 and 25 at the same time, but when I tell him this place was recommended he smiles and says to hand over my boots. I hand him the vaguely warm foot-smelling boots, and stand in my socks in the 3’ square entryway surrounded by every color leather polish you could buy and watch as he turns my boots around in his hands, sizes up a crescent moon bits of plastic, and unceremoniously hammers tiny nails through them before handing them back.

The heels are perfectly level again. I can walk without almost rolling my ankles. They don’t clack loudly on the pavement or feel different. This is gonna fix my knee pain. It cost $10.

This kid had every tool he needed within arms reach, worked fast and smoothly, I was in and out the door in less than 8 minutes, and it only cost $10.

I didn’t think anything could cost only $10 anymore. I’m so used to hyperinflation prices I was spiritually thrown back to the 1400’s visiting the cobbler in town square. This kid might have been that cobbler and just decided to never die.

I’m still reeling from the whiplash, and gobsmacked at the price, and thrilled I didn’t have to go buy new, worse work boots (cuz I don’t have that kind of money for a second pair, I’m expecting these ones to last a decade) and it feels like I just experienced one of the rare little chunks of magic that floats around our world.

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"We're living through the ongoing fascist collapse of the United States but I still gotta clean the kitchen and go to work tomorrow" sure is the mood right now, huh.