syllvarin

[syllvarin]

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🧠 THE MANNEQUIN WITH POWERS — Why Character Comes Before Plot or Die in the Void A Blacksite Literature™ Transmission (If your protagonist couldn’t grip a reader’s soul in a blank room, you already failed.)

I. THE VOID YOU'RE WRITING INTO

Let’s get this out of the way first:

If your character can’t speak — not literally, but viscerally — to the reader’s insides without the crutch of explosions, lore dumps, or a “cool” outfit…

You are not writing a character. You’re dressing a mannequin. And no one gives a fuck what a mannequin does.

II. IF THEY FEEL NOTHING, YOU BUILT NOTHING

Who cares what city’s under attack? Who cares if they’re the Chosen One? Who cares about your twist, your map, your seven-act structure?

If the protagonist you’ve built:

Has no secret

Carries no weight

Evokes no response from a quiet, tired reader on a Tuesday night—

Then you wrote into the void.

Your reader wasn’t “dumb” or “impatient.” They felt nothing. And they left.

III. THE LIE OF “PLOT FIRST”

You’ve been sold a lie:

“Just make the story exciting and the characters will follow.”

No. Never. Backwards.

Character always precedes plot. Character is the plot.

Because if I don’t care who it’s happening to — Then nothing happening will ever matter.

A reader can forgive:

A slow start

A clunky scene

A cliché trope

But they will never forgive the crime of hollow company.

You gave them someone to follow —

And that someone had no soul.

IV. THE MANNEQUIN WITH POWERS

Let’s define the threat.

The Mannequin:

Has abilities

Has trauma

Has a goal

Has quips

Has a backstory

But no voice.

No contradiction. No shame. No private thing they would die to protect, not because it’s powerful — but because it’s theirs.

This mannequin does things. Big things. High stakes.

And no one cares. Because nothing human is bleeding through the plastic.

V. ESCAPISM ISN’T A LICENSE TO LIE

Yes, readers want to escape. But not from humanity.

They want to escape into:

A place where flawed people matter.

A place where pain has context, not just screen time.

A place where characters don’t just “get better” — they get known.

Escape into fantasy all you want. But if you’re escaping the imperfections of the human condition, then you’re not writing fantasy. You’re writing propaganda for emotional disconnection.

And your reader knows it. Even if they don’t say it. Even if they reblog it. Even if they finish it.

They know.

VI. THE SECRET THEY DON’T BRAG ABOUT

Let me give you the fix.

Give your character one thing:

A secret they don’t brag about.

Something they hide not because it’s cool — but because it’s raw, vulnerable, humiliating, or sacred.

Examples:

She used to believe in God, and now she can’t even say “grace” over her food.

He kept a voicemail from his brother the day before he overdosed.

She has two daughters, and hasn’t seen them since the custody ruling.

He talks shit to villains but goes home and reads old love letters he never responded to.

Do not announce it. Do not reward it. Do not let them monologue it.

Let it live. Quietly. And watch your readers form emotional attachments like animals recognizing kin.

VII. PLOT WILL NEVER SAVE YOU

You can worldbuild forever. You can twist the timelines, deepen the lore, expand the pantheon.

But if your central figure could be replaced by anyone and the story still works?

You didn’t build a character. You built scenery in a cape.

Plot is what happens.

Character is who we blame, who we mourn, who we root for in spite of ourselves.

And if you skip that? You skip the anchor. You leave your reader floating — no matter how pretty the setting is.

VIII. THE READER DOESN’T OWE YOU A DAMN THING

Let’s be brutally honest:

Your reader doesn’t care how much time you spent.

They don’t care how much of your soul you “poured in.” They don’t care how important your themes are.

If they can’t connect to a being — not a puppet — then they leave.

Because they’re not in your head. They’re alone. Reading. Tired. Wanting to feel something.

And if your protagonist doesn’t show up with emotional currency in hand?

They’re gone.

IX. THE ONLY TEST THAT MATTERS

Write this down:

If your main character was in a blank white room for five pages — with no plot, no action, no powers — would I want to hear what they think?

If the answer is no?

Start over.

Not from page one. From soul one. You didn’t give them a person. You gave them a vessel to carry your story — and no one wants to be ferried by a stranger.

X. THE REALITY YOU’RE TOO SCARED TO ADMIT

You’re not scared of writing bad plots.

You’re scared of putting real, flawed, mirrored, shameful, holy you into your character — because if it fails, it’ll feel like you failed.

So you keep them clean. You keep them plastic. You keep them “relatable” in all the ways that mean nothing.

But the only thing that ever makes a reader stay?

Is the feeling that this character was carved from a place they weren’t supposed to see.

That’s what creates emotional loyalty. That’s what earns tears. That’s what builds cult followings, not just fandoms.

XI. SO FIX IT.

Kill the mannequin.

Bury the empty badass. Silence the sarcastic automaton. Throw the trauma plot in the fire.

Build a person. A person with shame. A person with weight. A person who reminds the reader of a truth they’ve never told anyone.

Then throw that person into your plot.

And watch the story ignite.

XII. CONCLUSION: YOU'RE NOT WRITING STORIES. YOU'RE WRITING PEOPLE.

You think you’re writing entertainment. You think you’re building scenes. You think you’re plotting arcs.

But you’re not.

You’re introducing human souls to strangers. And the ones who do it well? They become immortal.

Every good story is just a person you didn’t want to say goodbye to.

If you don’t have that?

Then what the fuck are we doing here. </div>

📌 If this made your spine straighten mid-sentence — reblog it. 🧠 If it exposed a hollow character you once thought was “done” — save it. ✍️ If it reminded you why we write at all — read it again.

And if it hurt? That means it’s time to start over.

Bonus:

🧠 FREE WRITING LESSON — THE MOST POWERFUL CHARACTER DEPTH TRICK YOU’LL EVER READ.

[syllvarin]

Writing Tips

Punctuating Dialogue

✧

➸ “This is a sentence.”

➸ “This is a sentence with a dialogue tag at the end,” she said.

➸ “This,” he said, “is a sentence split by a dialogue tag.”

➸ “This is a sentence,” she said. “This is a new sentence. New sentences are capitalized.”

➸ “This is a sentence followed by an action.” He stood. “They are separate sentences because he did not speak by standing.”

➸ She said, “Use a comma to introduce dialogue. The quote is capitalized when the dialogue tag is at the beginning.”

➸ “Use a comma when a dialogue tag follows a quote,” he said.

“Unless there is a question mark?” she asked.

“Or an exclamation point!” he answered. “The dialogue tag still remains uncapitalized because it’s not truly the end of the sentence.”

➸ “Periods and commas should be inside closing quotations.”

➸ “Hey!” she shouted, “Sometimes exclamation points are inside quotations.”

However, if it’s not dialogue exclamation points can also be “outside”!

➸ “Does this apply to question marks too?” he asked.

If it’s not dialogue, can question marks be “outside”? (Yes, they can.)

➸ “This applies to dashes too. Inside quotations dashes typically express—“

“Interruption” — but there are situations dashes may be outside.

➸ “You’ll notice that exclamation marks, question marks, and dashes do not have a comma after them. Ellipses don’t have a comma after them either…” she said.

➸ “My teacher said, ‘Use single quotation marks when quoting within dialogue.’”

➸ “Use paragraph breaks to indicate a new speaker,” he said.

“The readers will know it’s someone else speaking.”

➸ “If it’s the same speaker but different paragraph, keep the closing quotation off.

“This shows it’s the same character continuing to speak.”

[syllvarin]

People are trying to bring back 1880s-era anti-ASL sentiment. Worst timeline.

[syllvarin]

Should go without saying but never date a cop and christ never marry one. Rule of thumb if he's legally untouchable he's ethically unfuckable. You don't like that cop, you like buff men in tight clothing. I can show you more of those, better ones. Take my hand.

[syllvarin]

Hygiene Tips and Information Post

Hello! We are the Starfall System. We wanted to make a big post about hygiene tips and information for anyone who may find it useful. If you wonder why we use plural pronouns it is because we are a system, AKA multiple people sharing one mind. We use "we" to refer to ourselves throughout this post. If you want to learn more about it, you can read about it here: More Than One

In this post we are going to talk about things you can do to keep your body clean and healthy. Not everyone have access to same resources and information, hence why we decided to write this post. It will include information regarding how many times you should wash certain areas, how often you should change your sheets/underwear, Tips and tricks for disabled/spoonie folk, Health information for Trans Folk and many more. First of all, we would like to remind everyone that not everyone has the same ability to access certain hygienic products or perform tasks to keep themselves clean, and they shouldn't be ashamed because of it. This post is simply for information and should not be used to invalidate anyone's lived experiences.

Second of all, please do not start any unrelated conversation and/or debate, including syscourse. Thank you. We aren't doctors and this post will not be exhaustive list of everything, we can get things wrong or missing. If you have anything to add/fix, we would love to talk about it and add to this post ^^ Soo.. Let's begin! BODILY HYGIENE Showering should be done at least once a week, or every few days, depending on weather. You can shower everyday too, but it may cause your skin to dry if you don't moisturize your body. A general rule for cleaning anything is its cleaned from top to bottom. Hair/Face should be washed first, then the rest part of the body.

Do not use plastic shower sponges/loofah for showering. They trap moisture inside and become a growing ground for bacteria. Use natural fiber loofah's; they are environment friendly and exfoliate very well. Change your loofah every 3-4 weeks.

Scrub in circular motions. Wash every curve of your body. Feet and armpits may need more work to clean and get rid of smell. After shower moisturize your skin.

If you use deodorant make sure it doesn't contain heavy metals.

Choosing right shampoo is important to avoid hair damage. Please try to go for shampoo without silicone, parabens and sulfates as ingredients. You can find more detailed information regarding what to avoid in shampoos here . Also learn about your hair type here so you can pick a shampoo according to your hair type. If you struggle with keeping your hair healthy, consider seeing a dermatologist.

Clean your beard every 2-3 times a week at least, use a shampoo and if possible, a conditioner. Brush your bread.

Clean your genital area gently with unscented soap and water ONLY. Do not use any sort of "special product for genitalia" they are a scam. You only need unscented soap and water, gently wash it with your hand and if you have a vagina make sure you aren't washing inside of it- vaginal canal can self-cleanse and you shouldn't disturb the natural vaginal flora or you can get infections. Lips of a vulva needs thorough cleaning to avoid buildup along with under clitoris's hood to avoid buildup of smegma. Learn more about cleaning your clitoris here

Don't forget underneath foreskin of your penis. Gently clean the testicles with unscented soap and lukewarm water.

Wash your anus and general back area with water and tissue after every poop. If you don't have a bidet, you can also wash with wet wipes. But only use baby wet wipes without alcohol and fragrance, others can irritate the skin there.

Wash inside of your belly button when you shower. Use a mild soap and water only, rinse the insides of belly button and dry it including the inside of it to prevent moisture. Cut your nails every week if you intend to keep them short. If you want to get them longer, make sure to clean under the nail to prevent any buildup.

Your toenails needs cutting once a month, do not cut them curvically, cut them with a straight line to avoid infections/ingrown nails. You also need to clean under your toenails, especially corners.

Clean your ears every few days, including the curves and back of the ear. Do not use q tips for cleaning ear wax, it will cause damage to the ear and only push wax more to the inside. Learn more about how to clean and prevent earwax here

Wash your teeth correctly at least twice a day after meals and don't forget to wash back of your teeth and your tongue. (watch this video to learn how) Use a floss. If you have braces you can also use a small braces tootbrush to access inaccessible areas. Change your tootbrush every 3 months or so. Go for gentle bristles if you have sensitive gums. If you have consistent sensitivity with gums, contact a dentist.

Wash your feet every time you come back from outside. It doesn't matter if you wore shoes or flip flops, with shoes you have pretty much no airflow so bacteria can grow and cause smell. If you wear sandls or flip flops the general dirt that elevates from the ground will get on your feet. It is best to use a soap for washing your feet to avoid odor and ensure that its clean. Dry your feet to avoid fungal infections.

Wash your hands when you come home, before and after using bathroom (washing your hands before is good for avoiding harm your genitalia) Wash your hands before and after food. If you cannot wash at least use a wet wipe or hand sanitizer, and then wash as soon as you can with soap and water.

When using razors or shaving use a shaving cream/gel, shave to the direction of where hair grows, not against it. When shaving your pubic area try to go slow and pull your skin taut. Moisturize afterwards.

If you want to wax, check this tutorial

Do not use hair removal chemicals/products that arent genitalia safe on your pubic area.

CLOTHING HYGIENE

Change your underwear every day. No ifs or buts.

If you have vagina and you detect any different/intense odor or different textured/colored discharge, keep an eye on it for a few days. If it does not change or get worse with other symptoms such as pain, contact a gynecologist immediately. It may be an infection. Information regarding discharge can be found here

For trans folk who use a binder, wash your binder at least once per week (or more if needed) Do not put it in washing machine, hand wash only.

For people who wear bra's, try to wash them after every 2-3 uses. During summer you may sweat more due to bra and may need to wash it/change it more regularly.

Wash your bedsheets every week. Your pillowcase being dirty may be the cause of your pimples.

Change your socks after every use. If you think it is not "dirty enough" or you just briefly wore them, don't put it in the same place as your clean socks. Keep them seperate.

Plastic clothing such as polyester and naylon can and will absorb sweat and stink more than natural fibers such as cotton or viscose. Try to avoid that type of clothes for daily usage.

Clean your eyeglasses, especially parts near your ear and nose. They get buildup in tiny spaces.

Use a shoe deodorant if you want to avoid shoes smelling. Try to change the shoe you wear often. Do not get cheap shoes if you can and do not wear tight shoes often, they can mess your feet's shape and health.

MAKEUP HYGIENE

Clean your brushes every few days or after every use. Use a shampoo instead of a soap so it won't hurt the bristles. Use lukewarm water and try to get into the bristles. Don't let them stay with moisture to avoid bacteria from forming and put them somewhere warm to dry quickly.

A general rule that can be applied to products: if you can use it on eyes, you can use it on other parts of your body.

If you can use it on your lips, you can use it on other parts of the body but not on the eyes.

If you can use it on your face, you can use it on your face and other skin areas but not your lips or eyes. There are some skin products such as foundations you can also use on your lips.

If you can use it on your body, you shouldn't use it on your face.

This rule is not always true but it usually applies to a lot of cosmetics.

Use 50 SPF Sunscreen, especially for your face. If you can't get a high quality one still get the best one you can because an average sunscreen is better than no sunscreen.

Don't sleep with makeup, clean your makeup before going to sleep. It can clog your pores, cause eye infections, and more. For cleaning your makeup, you can use makeup cleansers, makeup cleaning oils, or makeup cleaning wipes. Pick those that don't irritate eyes or harm skin in long run.

Try to not get any makeup product in your eye, if you do get any, wash it with water for a while. Don't rub your eyes.

If you use lipstick, use a lipbalm or lip moisturizer before the lipstick to avoid chapping.

For piercings, talk to your piercer about how to keep it clean. It depends on the piercing regarding how often you need to clean it.

There is probably a lot i don't recall to write it here at the moment since i don't do makeup often, so any and every kind of suggestion is appreciated.

DISABILITY HYGIENE TIPS

For lovely disabled folk, your best is enough. Doing whatever you can is always better than doing nothing, do not worry about it being perfect or not.

For those who cannot stand upright for long period of time in shower, a stool or chair is very useful. You can also get long showering brushes or hand shower cloths/mitts for accessing unaccessible or hard to access parts of your body. Picking a scent-free and sensitive bodywash/shampoo may benefit you a lot (personally we can only use sensitive bodywash because our body gets red and swells with any other bodywash)

If you find it hard to wash your teeth, you can use mouthwash, it is better than nothing. If that is too much, you can chew a minty gum for a while to get rid of mouth smell.

Foam grip tubes can be used to grab things more easily.

If you can, use smaller bottles for your shower to minimize energy usage to handle bottles.

If you cannot shower/wash your face/use deodorant, you can always go for wetwipes. There is zero shame in that. You can also wear clean clothes after wet wipes to avoid getting dirty for a while longer.

You can also use dry shampoo for your hair to go longer without showers.

If you find it hard to wash your hair along with your body, you can try to wash body and hair seperately.

Try to be careful washing around your ports or any other health related objects on your body. Ask your doctor about how to keep it clean. Better be safe than sorry.

If you can't use nailcutters you can use emery boards to trim your nails.

It may be hard to change sheets every week, you can put sheets on top of each other when you have energy so you can just strip off old sheets on top and have clean sheets. This way you can get time from once a week to once two weeks. We sometimes use this when we are low spoon.

If you have ADHD, trying to start tasks may be difficult. Try to do smaller tasks before big tasks to gain inertia. We sometimes pour shampoo on our dry hair if we cannot shower, so we eventually want that shampoo out of our hair and get into shower. Or sometimes we simply put our clothes away and try to get cold, so a warm shower gets easier and more pleasant to have.

If your mental health takes a dive and you find yourself unable to perform tasks, reaching people and asking for help is always and always okay. Don't be ashamed of needing help, it is a normal part of life everyone eounters.

I found this website that goes in detail regarding different tools for using during showering.

Any and every tip from disabled people to add to this list is very appreciated <3

TRANS HYGIENE

Already talked about binders there in clothing section ^ just a reminder :)

To trans folk who start HRT and have a second puberty; it is incredibly normal to have body odor changes, especially on your private area. I know quite a few ftm folk advise to shower frequently once people start T due to excessive sweating. A deodorant change may be needed. Your hair type may also change, so maybe changing your shampoo can be a good idea as well. Don't shame yourself and try your best to keep yourself clean, moreso than anything, enjoy your transition !

For checking ingredients of any product, you can use these websites:

Cosmily

INCIDecoder

CosDNA

They may not be totally accurate, but it is best to have an idea about than none.

Aside from all those, for every and any product you put on your body, best advice comes from your doctor/dermatologist.

Any and every kind of correction/suggestion is appreciated! This post is far from finished and we would love to add more.

If in doubt/pain, contact a health professional immediately!

Lastly, fuck Trump. ^^

-Starfalls System!

[syllvarin]

If there is a god why did it create plurals without giving them shapeshifting abilities smh

[syllvarin]

Not from states but hey, to those who are- please read

USA people! Buy NOTHING Feb 28 2025. Not anything. 24 hours. No spending. Buy the day before or after but nothing. NOTHING. February 28 2025. Not gas. Not milk. Not something on a gaming app. Not a penny spent. (Only option in a crisis is local small mom and pop. Nothing. Else.) Promise me. Commit. 1 day. 1 day to scare the shit out of them that they don't get to follow the bullshit executive orders. They don't get to be cowards. If they do, it costs. It costs.

Then, if you can join me for Phase 2. March 7 2025 thtough March 14 2025? No Amazon. None. 1 week. No orders. Not a single item. Not one ebook. Nothing. 1 week. Just 1.

If you live outside the USA boycott US products on February 28 2025 and stand in solidarity with us and also join us for the week of no Amazon.

Are you with me?

Spread the word.

[syllvarin]

this honestly just came out of left fucking field i would have never expected to hear anything like this in this show. consider me Pleasantly Surprised tbh

[syllvarin]

peembo hangin' out

[syllvarin]

We love art not simply for the result, but for every little touch, mistake, improvement, thought, feelings that went into the art as a whole. What makes real art so valuable is it is like a snowflake, one cannot create a piece exactly like another. Because every person is unique, so is their art.

i love you visible brushstrokes. i love you glue warped scrapbook pages. i love you awkward poems. i love you junk journal with faded receipts. i love you poorly composed journal layout. I love you unintentionally blurry photographs. i love you asymmetrical beading. i love you curling freeform crochet. i love you fingerprints on pottery. i love you reused materials. i love you improvised instruments. i love you mistakes. i love you bravery to make it anyway. i love you creativity that hasn't been wiped clean of every drop of humanity and sanitized and commodified.

[syllvarin]

I've been disabled for almost 29 years. Here's what I've learned.

Tablets sink and capsules float. Separate out your tablets and capsules when you go to take them. Tip your head down when taking capsules and up when taking tablets. Liquigels don't matter, they kinda stay in the middle of whatever liquid is in your mouth.

If your pill tastes bad, coat it with a bit of butter or margarine. I learned this from my mom, who learned it from a pharmacist.

Being in pain every day isn't normal. Average people experience pain during exceptional moments, like when they stub their toe or jam their finger in a door, not when they sit cross-legged.

Make a medical binder. Make multiple medical binders. I have a small one that comes with me to appointments and two big ones that stay at home, one with old stuff and one with more recent stuff.

Find your icons. Some of mine include Daya Betty (drag queen with diabetes), Stef Sanjati (influencer with Waardenburg syndrome and ADHD), and Hank Green (guy with ulcerative colitis who... does a bunch of stuff). They don't have to be disabled in the same way as you. They don't even have to be real people. Put their pictures up somewhere if you want; I've been meaning to decorate my medical binders with pictures of my icons.

Take a bin, box, bag, basket, whatever and fill it with items to cope with. This can be stuff for mentally coping like colouring books or play clay or stuff for physically coping like pain medicine or physio tape.

Decorate your shit! My cane for at home has a plushie backpack clip hanging from the end of the handle and my cane for going places is covered in stickers. All of my medical binders have fun scrapbooking paper on the outside. Sometimes, I put stickers and washi tape on my inhalers and pill bottles. I used my Cricut to decorate my coping bin with quotes from my icons, like "I've seen enough of Ba Sing Se" and "I need you to be angrier with that bell".

If a flare-up is making you unable to eat or keep food down, consider going to the ER. A pharmacist once told me that since my eye flares can make me so nauseous that I cannot eat, then I need to go to the hospital when that happens.

Cola works wonders for nausea. I have mini cans of Diet Pepsi in my coping bin.

Shortbread is one of the only things I can eat when nauseous. Giant Tiger sells individually-wrapped servings of shortbread around Christmas or the British import store sells them year-round. I also keep these in my coping bin.

Unless it violates a pain contract or something, don't be afraid to go behind your doctor's back to get something they are refusing you. I got my cardiologist referral by getting in with a different NP at my primary care clinic than who I usually saw. I switched from Seroquel to Abilify by visiting a walk-in.

If you have a condition affecting your abdomen in some way (GI issues, reproductive problems, y'know) then invest in track pants that are too big. I bought some for my laparoscopy over a year ago and they've been handy for pelvic pain days, too. I've also heard loose pants are good for after colonoscopies.

Do whatever works, even if it's weird. I've sat on the floor of the Eaton Centre to take my pills. I've shoved heating pads down my front waistband to reach my uterus.

High-top Converse are good for weak ankles. I almost exclusively wear them.

You can reuse your pill bottles for stuff. I use my jumbo ones to store makeup sponges and my long skinny ones to hold a travel-size amount of Q-Tips.

Just because your diagnostics come back with nothing, it doesn't mean nothing is wrong. Maybe you were checking the wrong thing, or the diagnostic tool wasn't sensitive enough. I have bradycardia episodes even though multiple cardiac tests caught nothing. I probably have endometriosis even though my gynecologist didn't see anything.

You can bring your comfort item to appointments, and it's generally a green flag when someone talks to you about it. I brought a Squishmallow turkey (named Ulana) to my laparoscopy and they had her wearing my mask when I woke up. I brought a Build-A-Bear cat (named Blinx) to another procedure and a nurse told me that everyone in the hall on the way to the procedure room saw him and were talking about how cute he was. Both of those ended up being positive experiences and every person who talked to me about my plushies was nice to me. If you don't feel comfortable having it visible to your provider during the appointment, you can hide it in your bag and just know it's there, or if you're in a video appointment, you can hold it below frame in your lap.

Get a small bucket, fill it with stuff, and stick it in your bed (if you have room for it). I filled a bucket with Ensure, juice boxes, oatmeal bars, lotion, my rescue inhaler, etc. in October 2023 in anticipation of my laparoscopy and I still have it in my bed as of January 2025.

If your disability impacts your impulse control (e.g. ADHD, bipolar disorder), you should consider setting limits around your spending -- no more than X dollars at a time, nothing online unless it's absolutely necessary, and so on. Or, run these purchases by someone you trust before committing to them; I use my BFF groupchat to help talk sense into myself when I buy stuff.

Feel free to add on what you've learned about disability!

[syllvarin]

honestly, as a trans woman who's running a fairly 'popular' or whatever queer blog, i've noticed so much shit in the past 2 years and i'm just gonna lay it out for y'all. it's a new year. it's 2025. i do NOT wanna carry any more of this bullshit forward. i'm calling everything for what it is. if this pisses you off, unfollow or block and move on.

as someone else put it in the tags on one of my other posts:

i am sick and tired of not talking about extremely important queer conversation topics for the sake of "keeping the peace".

this is not giving trans women and transfemmes a better quality of life to attack literally every every and all trans men for being trans men. it's making people fucking scared shitless of us. i hope people realize this isn't helping improve the opinion other people have on trans women and transfemmes. it's making people absolutely fucking terrified to even exist around us, because we've gotten to the point where we're attacking literally everyone and anyone who says something we don't like. people are fucking terrified of talking around transfemmes and trans women and it's time we broke the silence on that.

other transfemmes and trans women: do you seriously, really want other trans people to be scared to death of you? do you really want other trans people to be absolutely fucking terrified to speak around you because they're scared of getting fucking yelled at? do you really want other trans people to be utterly terrified to speak up about their own trans issues for fear of being told they hate you? do you really want other people around you to feel utterly terrified to talk about anything queer related at all for fear of being corrected, looked down upon, or verbally harassed?

i am just completely done with this environment we've fostered where basically everyone is on pins and goddamn needles holding themselves back from having real, genuine, impactful, substantial conversations about gender because they're absolutely scared shitless of being called transmisogynistic and publicly cancelled and harassed at all times for saying something as simple as "trans men don't have it easy" or talking about how AFAB people can also be trans. it really does not take much at all to set people off on this website and start accusing people of being transmisogynists left right and center.

i'm not participating in this weird mind game anymore. i do not like how this is being used to control the narrative on transness and trans experiences.

i am done with having to walk on eggshells in every. single. conversation. we have about gender.

i am done with acting like talking about transmasculinity and transmanhood is somehow magically attacking and silencing trans women and transfemmes.

i am done with people having to tack on massive disclaimers saying that they're not attacking trans women and transfemmes just for talking about their experiences on just about every post people write about gender.

i feel like every conversation about gender on here has to be so fucking sterile and calculated and meticulously planned out and stripped of most of its contents in order to not immediately get slammed with a "oh so you hate trans women" or a "oh so you're transmisogynstic." it's fine to point out genuine transmisogyny, i'm not gonna say you have to put up with it when it's real, but can we acknowledge that people are leveraging the fear other people have of being called transmisogynistic to shut people up?

at this point it's being used as a scare tactic and i'm so over it. i loathe how accusing people of being transmisogynistic is a default insult. trans men can't make a post about transmasculinity without someone getting pissed off and calling them transmisogynistic. trans men can't talk about a goddamn thing without being told to shut up, for some reason? why is this happening? like literally why are you doing this? trans men can't talk about ANYTHING at this point. like they needed to be able to coin words for the specific types of oppression they face so they could talk about it, and instead they just get fucking yelled at and told they're being copycats and that the violence they faced wasn't real? what the actual hell is this accomplishing?

why are we acting like we own oppression and no one else can even come close to understanding what its like? come on now, we don't own the goddamn concept of oppression. we also don't own transness. i am sick to death of this idea that transfemininity and trans womanhood are the only "real" ways to be trans. we do not own the concept of transness. it's not just about us. "trans rights" applies to more than just us. it can't be about us all the time. WE are the ones being self centered right now. WE are the ones who are forcing the conversation to be about us in situations where it's completely and totally inappropriate.

we need to say it for what it is: we're fostering an environment where, at this point, only trans women and transfemmes are allowed to talk about anything queer related at this point. like can we call it for what it is? for some reason, trans men and transmascs aren't allowed to talk about trans manhood or transmasculinity at all. ever. they're not allowed to say a fucking peep. they have to shut up and listen to a trans woman explain it to them, because for some reason, the trans woman knows trans manhood better than the trans man. this is out of fucking control, we should not have trans women explaining trans manhood to other people unless they are also a trans man. this is just unacceptable. transfems attack transmascs who speak for transfems, and yet this is seen as good and the norm?

you are not cool if you hate trans men and misgender them on purpose. this isn't feminist. this isn't progressive. you're not getting back at the patriarchy- most trans men do not benefit from patriarchy and never will- you would understand this if you listened to them. instead of talking over and for trans men, and listening to people who talk over and for trans men, if you listened to trans men, the source, you'd understand that no, transmasculine lives are NOT easy and no, trans men do not instantly benefit from patriarchal society if at all, ever. if you listened you'd understand that T doesn't make people aggressive and hostile and evil. if you listened you'd understand that there are a lot of wonderful, loving trans men out there are who are not transmisogynistic just by virtue of existing.

nobody is saying that we want to you prioritize men over trans women when we talk about trans men's rights. we're not saying that we need to talk about men all the time and never talk about women, and that men are the only ones allowed to talk, now. we really have to let multiple people participate in conversations. we can't keep doing this thing where One Gender Has To Be Superior Over another. that's gender essentialism. why must you keep yourself trapped inside the binary like that? why are you so desperate to stay stuck inside of the machine that's trying to destroy you?

challenging someone else's transphobia is not being transphobic. challenging someone else's behavior is not hating them or their gender. criticism is not an attack on trans womanhood and transfemininity. transfemmes are trans women are not immune to criticism and we need to stop acting like we are. we're not. we've created an echo chamber where only trans women and transfemmes are allowed to talk right now and it's not transmisogynistic to point that out, because it's literally happening before our eyes.

if we're demanding that other people treat us better, why are we treating other people like shit in the process to get it?

stop silencing other people talking about other trans experiences. transfemininity and trans womanhood are not the only ways to be trans. stop forcing yourself into conversations you don't belong in. if you don't want trans men do that, don't do it as a trans woman. don't barge into conversations you have literally 0 stock in just to be rude and mean and make the conversation about trans women instead. let other people talk. this has gone on for way too long.

let. other. trans. people. talk. we shouldn't have let it get this bad. but i'm not letting it stay this bad. if you want to accuse people having genuine conversations about transness of being transmisogynistic just because they're not a trans woman, then feel free, i'm not gonna stop you, but i'm not listening to you. i don't care anymore. i'm sick to death of not being able to have REAL conversations on here because some people don't like being reminded that they are not the only people who suffer under cisheteronormative patriarchy. if you can't accept that you are not the only one who suffers under patriarchy and that men need to be liberated from patriarchy as well, then i'm not interested in having a conversation with you to begin with.

seriously, if any of this bothers you, please just block me. i'm not participating in these dumb ass little mind games anymore. i do not give a singular shit about offending people who think this behavior is okay. i spent way too long being afraid to speak up about real world issues because of shitty internet trolls. i don't give a fuck if someone you don't like speaking about their experiences hurts your feelings- you are the problem here.

this is affecting real people in real time and i care about that. i care about people, not stupid ideologies and fighting over who is or isn't "really trans". i care about people, not fighting over labels. open your mind and understand that is is about real ass people, and not just ideologies. trans men and mascs are real ass people. they're not antagonists made specifically to attack and piss off transfemmes and trans women. enough of this.

[syllvarin]

trans male privilege absolutely does not exist.

MALE PRIVILEGE is only awarded to WHITE CIS MEN. it is extremely dangerous to imply that TRANS men and ESPECIALLY TRANS MEN OF COLOR have access to male privilege when we are still affected by reproductive health restrictions and medical discrimination because of us taking testosterone. this is also ignoring trans men and transmascs who DONT PASS AND/OR DONT WANT TO MEDICALLY TRANSITION WHO WILL NEVER HAVE ACCESS TO MALE PRIVILEGE. and also ignores the fact that we are much more likely to be subjected to sexual abuse and corrective r*** and how much more trans men/mascs die due to suicide.

once again: shut up and listen to us for once.

and also stop using ANTISEMITIC DOGWHISTLES FOR FUCKS SAKE.

[syllvarin]

The pain in-system relationships bring

I have a lover inside. I have an in-system relationship and I love my boyfriend to the death. There are pros and cons to every relationship type, let it be up-close far distance or in-system, I don't think it is fair to compare them but our mind still does. And it still hurts. I used to think I overcame that, but due to a recent turn of events I realized how much we don't get to have. Every single day I am reminded of just the sheer amount of how much we can't have.

When I am on the bus and I see a couple holding hands, whispering things to each other, giggling together... People asking them, them just being at places together, kissing each other, people acknowledging their relatitonship. Them going on dates, or just living in their life as usual, doing chores and playing games competitively, or just casual bantering, showering together.

Or the concept of sex itself. One can argue you can do all or some those with your in-sys partner too, but, it is not the same way. It is not to the same extent. It does not feel the same, It feels less to me. I know it shouldn't, maybe, but we cannot control our feelings. It is different, it is valid, yes, and I tear up as I speak but I cannot for the life of me get this painful throbbing heart to stop thinking every moment of "what if my boyfriend had an external body".

I grieve, I am yet to finish grieving. We are on our 2nd year of dating and I am still grieving with stops and breaks in-between. How long will this grief last?

I think to myself, and my boyfriend too, he says to me; yes, we will never be able to physically hold each other. Yes, we will never have sex like other people, ours may just stay as an imitation and imposition of sorts and that's it. Yes, that may not be enough for our bodily needs and that is something we can resolve with other things. The important thing is we will resolve. It is okay to grieve. It is okay to wish for the impossible. But time will heal it.

It has to heal it.

We can focus on what we do have. An endless possibility of dates to be scheduled, our real bodies (not the human ones!) being inside and being able to interact with each other. Always having each other close, so up close that you can even read other's mind sometimes. Arguments almost never being a thing because you know how they feel the way they breathe the way they talk. Loving yourself means loving him, too.

I think to myself, this heart I have beats for people more than one. It beats the same time for both me and him. It beats, beats, beats, until we die. Until we both draw our last breath. When we live we will always be together and live together, when we die we will die together.

Thinking of what could've been possible if I had him physically is a tunnel with no light at the end of it. The only light that is possible is the light of death.

Maybe, just maybe after all those, there is an afterlife where we get to have our own seperate bodies and live our love to the fullest. I never believed in spirituality, but I wish to be proven wrong so badly on this. I hope some deity hears my plea and gives me just one chance, one singular chance to hug my beloved and inhale his scent all the way.

Maybe if we love hard enough in this life, it can exceed physical realm's chains and feel each other more than anyone else.

I stay in this relationship because our love exceeds the enormous amount of pain it brings. And I don't regret any moment of that.

[syllvarin]

The pain of invisibility

We have a world inside. We have our own relationships, our own bonds, emotions, homes, playgrounds, gardens inside. We can show such a small amount of it to this world.

And that in itself is painful. But what pains us the most is not that.

We get to live our life in headspace and it is lovely. It is our own safe home. Where we belong to. But the physical realm - the body - needs a home, too. And lately, we have been thinking more and more about where we belong. Where our body belongs. Is it a place? Is it a person? People? Ourselves? In the end we concluded we need all of those to call it a home. A place with people we love and ourselves, all at once.

The crushing reality that your innerworld cannot compensate for the external world is absolutely nerve-wrecking. But we can get through this.

[syllvarin]

it's funny that we were all so worried about viktor's villain arc and then jayce was like L + ratio + here's my unconditional love and forgiveness + i always thought your imperfections were beautiful + nothing about you is broken to me + in every universe i will find you and save you from your loneliness + none of this is worth it if you arent by my side. and viktor folded IMMEDIATELY

[syllvarin]

GIVE HIM A BREAK