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#//but it probably doesnt help that my brain is like I HAVE TO GET EVERYTHING RIGHT OR ELSE PEOPLE WILL CALL ME A FRAUD lmao
nomairuins · 28 days
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anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day
#its just like atm everything that i need is like . not possible. which is oartially my brain being like We have to do this before we this#which sometimes isnt true but sometimes is#like i cant get medicated again or back seeing a psych or back on t until i get a job again#but i cant get a job again utnil i get my ged <- partially untrue but ged would make it a lot easier#but i cant get my ged until i have a job bc it costs money <- if i asked my parents they would probably help me If they had money 2 spare#since like. yk. they want ne to be able to work again so i have money again and ill be another source of income and they care abt me also .#affirmations . ppl donot just see me as a piggy bank they do see me as a person im not judt someone to squeeze money out of thats not how#ppl view me and its fine its fine its fine its fine . it feels so stupid being scared abt that i feel like a rich person whos like She only#likes me for my money 😭 like stfuuu annoying ass. i just ummmm. have a massive fear of debt and like. ppl demanding money from me#unexpectedly or expecting i am going to give them money. not in like a Ohhh fucking ppl want me to donate not it at all im happy to donate#but in like. god this is dumb. eveeytime i got birthday or christmas money as a kid i had to give it to my parents so they could buy food or#gas or whatever. and it never got paid bsck and it felt like shit. but i couldnt ever say no bc then itd be My fault we didnt have food that#week . yk. my first paycheck i had to give it all to my mom for groceries and we got in a fight in the store bc she was like Ok im gonna go#buy pop and my dumbass got upset abt it bc like. my mom told me itd be Necessities nd like. yk. wtvr. it was fucking stupid my entire family#r caffeine addicts so pop is a necessity i was just. rly upset and it felt like my parents saw my money as just. theirs but they had to ask#abt it so i wouldnt get pissy. yk. and they ask me for money a lot usually for food and i dont mind but it like. idk im rly paranoid abt#being a provider and ive got a Lot of guilt abt like. anytime we dont have enough food it feels like my fault bc it was my fault when i wasa#kid if i didnt give up my christmas money for pizza. or whatever. idk its so dramatic like i didnt need the money i was 8 it was selfish of#me to wanna buy fucking. toys or whatever that wasnt more important than My parents being able to get to work or my siblings being able to#fucking. literally eat. or paying bills. like its selfish that im like wahhh wahhh but i wanted to buy vibeo game wif my bday money i#shouldve judt been fucking grateful i was able to help my family. wtvr. I hate connor. wtvr#n then the shit with ugh last year like. yk. and stuff. and then the them stealing 1000 from me not getting into it b4 i get mad. idk.#and im just lazy now i need to get a job again but all the shit like. as i was saying earlier b4 i started whining. idk. i should be happy#that i get to help w bills and stuff that was my dream as a kid#like ever since i was 5 when i was fantasizing abt my future i was like Im gonna marry a prince and then ill be able to afford to pay all of#my families bills and my parents and siblings will be able to go to college and be happy and maybe never have to work bc ill be able to#handle it and ive always like. yk. when i was a dumbass kid i was like Ill go to college so i can get a good job and be useful. of course i#cant ever go to college bc im fucking. useless. and itd just be another burden on my family if i was in debt bc i couldnt help them as much#if i had debt and itd be selfish. and it doesnt matter bc im too stupid to go to college anyway. idk. i wish i could just fix everything#it just feels awful rn im literally just a drain and my family doesnt say it to me yk like. ik theyre happy imback i think they are
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mechahero · 1 year
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@outofthiisworld asked-🔥 - character designs (like pet peeves in designs? things you like that others don’t? Whatever rustles ur feathers let it rip) unpopular(?) opinions (accepting)
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I kind of don't really like super complicated designs? Yeah, they can be cool and all but if they're kind of hard for me to draw, I'm not exactly going to like them very much. (Yeah, I can always simplify it but my brain's very particular about that kind of thing. See, idk, Gen.shin Imp.act as an example bc hoo boy, I do not like the way a lot of those character designs look.)
Idk, I think I like simplicity but as long as it's not too simple of a design? Like do a little extra something with it while also being easy for me to parse and I'll be pretty much fine with it!
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axellis-archv-2 · 2 years
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a moment abt overhalliday if you dont mind but its in the tags bc im embarrassed sowwy..
#its like its like . sorry everything ive drawn/written up in this point is like not even kidding like maybe 2 years into the timeline#that i have in my brain#butlike in the early stages hes like . well . well hes an asshole#likehes . of the opinion that the world is always out to Get Him in a sense so hes very closed off && treats every interaction as if its an#exchange && that if he gives as minimal as possible then he doesnt potentially owe anybody anything#but at the same time deep down he cares So Much to the point that sometimes it can hurt so he runs a mechanic shop for absolutely free#bc it both helps those in need && he probably doesnt owe anybody anything . except running a shop costs $$#so he goes into the only thinghe can even see himself doing which is underground dirtywork . delivering packages w ransoms etc#he doesnt do Mercenary work per se or assassinations bc that could earn him enemies && he doesnt want enemies#at the end of the day he just wants to be left alone#he develops the healing heatgun at some point && starts being like a very respected engineer to the point that now a lott of people talk#but like everybody also talks about his bad attitude bc he just fixes you up && then tells you to gtfo#in my head if we're going into Actual Canon hed probably meet ramattrα via ram like . hiring him outright for a job#bc someone recc'd halliday && one of the points that probably intrigued him was halliday refusing to be paid for mechanic/healing jobs#the only services he wanted money on was if he was doing “other labor” && ramattrα probably wanted to test && see if this was true#&& like sure enough doing an examination at his workshop just had him to be told to leave once halliday was done#but then being asked to accompany him on a mission halliday was like “Thats where it starts costing”#etc etc etc im sorry for the long ramble in the tags .#sorry to the ppl who click “more” on the tags && get met w this#📗 my post#🎆 ramattrα#🧯 overhalliday (s/i)#<- there his special little tag
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#sometimes u just gotta have a cringe fail weekend. is what i tell myself bc i let the fact that i forgot to check my new#email completely obliterate me. also i haven't been sleeping enough. also just the normal thoughts in my head#by which i mean the part of my brain that demands consequences for inattention by means of suffering. devine punishment.#which is irrational and annoying but knowing that doesnt seem to help. so ive just been laying here in the hopes i come unspooled and start#to disintegrate. which is annoying bc ive got stuff to do#specifically bc i am supposed to b a TA this semester. which is what i figured but also feared#so. thats gonna b a lot. tho not as much as my old school bc they dont make TAs do literally everything here apparently#but. itll b a lot. and also i have to finish signing up for classes. bc i didnt do that back in April by my brain was melting. also i have#to keep doing my job and dealing with my data. ugh. well. being a TA isnt so bad. i do like to help ppl learn even if im not very good at it#like. i struggle with thr talking to ppl part. like the transition of ny thoughts to something thst makes sense#oh well. hope i end up teaching something im not too unqualified for. i could do soils. Ecology. uhhh. maybe intro bio but i never even took#university level biology. i just skipped upper level courses. that's probably it. anything else would b a lotta faking it#ugh. im tired. i should go to sleep at 9pm. thr sun hasbt even set and i should sleep#tomorrow i have to get my shit together. but also i wanna email my new professor like hey bro like what do u want me to do???#like how do i start in this lab? when do we start talking. like just not to b pushy but whats thr procedure?#i like Structure but also its like weeks until the semester starts so we got time. im just a lil nuts#jesus. its gonna b an interesting semester. hopefully fun but uh it is sorta like taking a boat out when u can see big ominous clouds#like im sure ill b fine but also i might get dumped over into a watery grave. i just. i have a lot of papers to write#and its gonna b hard to b a student on top of that. partly bc what im gonna b doing now is almost completely unrelated#which is probably y ppl stick to the same track they stsrt on. that awkward moment when ppl ask u if ur gonna keep working with bi0crust#and ur like uhhhh no fuck that actually the work ive done in the past 4 years makes me hate myself✌️#so we r back at square 1. well not 1 bc its sorta related but its a pretty big reset#itll b fine once things start. its just thr anticipation that kills me#unrelated
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29121996 · 6 months
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#planets fucking my shit up again can i catch a break. seriously.#i cannot do this anymore. im losing my mind n im seriously suicidal AGAIN like .#why does shit ha e to ve so hard why do i have to keep fucking pushing through what is ths point.#its 2#2:30pm and im wanting to die . sick i love that .#fucksake i cannot keep doing this. i seriously cant lmao if shit doesnt changs and get better within the next . week i am#going to off myself fr. its been 2months (actually its been longer but whatever)#trying to use loa to help myself n i feel lile its just making iy worse bc how am i doing everything right#or think im doing everything right. but nothinf has changed yet.#i want it to change . i cant do this#i cant b unemployed anymore. i cant be missinh him this intensely anymore. im so angrt and upset im#i wanns fucking scream.lol . i want to do stupif shit and wreck my fucking life to feel something that isnt this .#bc doing everything right and staying correct is getting me nowhere so far#ivw beem awake dor 3hrs and ive been sad this whole entire time. ive showered n eaten !#am . probably gonna ask irl if she . wants to come.to beach w me this afternoon so i can feel less shitty#and have company. while im Sugfering at least .#i dont know i dont. i get sad n suddenly deel like a vurden#even tho im NOT and she . probsbly wouldnt mind being there for me but .#i dont . h :( i just want this to end#brain keeps gettibg worse ! how am i supposed tocget better !#anyway whatever its fucking fine. ill be fine but hesus christ im so tired of going through the worst fucking pain#every few years / months . what is the point od all of this#im depressed agaon ik that . i have neen for nearly a mojth but . i dont.
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toastsnaffler · 1 year
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i feel like every decision i have to make atm is rock and a hard place devil and the deep blue sea and i cant fucking deal with it i can feel the wires fusing + cogs screeching to a halt. total mental shutdown
#it makes me feel so physically ill. someone needs to eradicate my free will and make all decisions for me. i need a sdg style ai#i know why i have such trouble with these types of situation like it makes sense where it comes from. but i dont know how to fix it#so it just eats away my fucking brain. worm in the apple innit#i cant distinguish rational caution/anticipation/realism from irrational anxiety/catastrophisation/pessimism when im like this#which means that fear overrules everything and i end up in a state of paralysis where i cant identify or follow through with what i Want#and usually things end up 'resolved' by nonaction. which 9 times out of 10 is the worst case scenario lmfao#calling my friend tomorrow so i can get a rational impartial take. if that doesnt help well lets not think about that right yet#i wish i wasnt so incapable of asking for emotional support like what i really need rn to cry rly snottily at someone for 4 hours#until they understand and can help me fix it. or at least believably reframe it as a positive choice not the 'least-worst-case' idk#but lmfao i physically cant express emotion like that around other people voluntarily unless im backed into a corner by them#so the most i can ask for is like. a more clinical type of help. unbiased situational advice. running the numbers. task-based favours#its not even that big a deal like its not inconsequential but it really doesnt have to be like this my brain is just fucking broken#idk i just dont fucking know!! i cant think abt this any more or my head will probably fucking explode. im going to go shower again#ignore this im venting its fine. its fine. or it will be eventually or maybe it wont who even fucking cares by this point. bye#.vent#nvm not done yet#i hate being like this so much i hate how unpredictable my mental state is i was feeling so calm abt it earlier everything was clear#and literally nothing has changed abt anything it doesnt make any fucking sense why i feel like this nothing triggered it#how am i supposed to live the rest of my life this way. knowing i make drastically different choices + think radically differently-#depending on what. fucking emotional whim? a butterfly flapping its wings. do i even have any sense of self or personality outside of-#just how i happen to feel in the moment. who knows not me thats for sure! its almost fucking impressive how fast shit flips#anyone else up knowing something unknowable is terribly wrong with them + living alongside that constant horror#ok thats enough gunk out of my head im done for now ugh. gonna go shower for real. sorry if anyone sees this lmao
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girlkissergideon · 24 days
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my contribution to briggsbek nation. headcanons included under the cut
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headcanons! just a few off the top of my head nothing much 🐊🐻
• briggsy isnt one for petnames, but is huge on nicknames. (Exhibit A : Yorgi).
• Torbek doesnt really do petnames either, but (like the yuletide oneshots) calls briggsy captain. briggsy enjoys this.
• briggsy gets the giggles inside whenever torbek says he did something cool. if nobody was around he'd probably be pumping a fist in the air.
• ACTUALLYYY in my brain they meet for more than just yuletide sorryyyyyyy ik some people think its a cute once a year idea but i like to think they have little outings after making plans on their stupid walkie talkie things or whatever they use i dont remember . rocky talkie or something whatever. just small hangouts they never really do a lot. both of their lives have. Quite a Bit going on so it isnt often they do this but they do. a breather from everything snd everyone else
• Briggsy "Excuse me! He Asked for No Pickles!" Kratch
• torbek lifts briggsy up sometimes. helps him reach things or shows him something cool looking
• theyre both losers. this isnt a headcanon i just wanted to add it.
• Havent met eachothers party yet........ they r nervous. Torbek thinks the mask lady is spooky and Briggsy doesnt like the way "the little alligator fuck" looks at him, so theyve avoided introductions so far.
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the-s1lly-corner · 11 months
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AAAAA
TDAC X PUPPET!READER
Hear me out
Reader is like puppet from fnaf, their character being very similar to puppet, them having the same voice and powers? Yknow Puppet flies fast as HELL and etc, Reader most of the time stays in the music box, and just gets out when really wanted or needed, for example: when theres an IHA or when someone needs them for something.
TADC x puppet!reader !
ashamed to admit this but i have not touched fnaf outside of security breach, recently at least. the last time i was fully invested in the fnaf lore was when fnaf 4 had just dropped, so im quite literally relying off of your description like its a life line because i know how insane fnaf lore has gotten think imma answer this request then take another short break since my lower back is starting to get sore from sitting all day; gotta go stretch my legs too
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CAINE:
you do have your own room, of course, but you tend to usually stay in your music box; of which you came with when you first entered the digital world... which was a little odd, but hey its not the strangest thing that anyone here has seen! i like to think that sometimes caine comes to your box at night and tries to will you out so he can get to know you more. leave it to the ai to fall for the mysterious circus member who rarely leaves their box... i think sometimes he would hum and sing along to the music your box makes
POMNI:
the first time you rush out of your music box it takes her off guard, almost making her fall off her feet when you dash right by her to do... whatever was required of you at that moment in time. if she were being honest, she didnt think you were a real person, she had always assumed that you were an npc; it wasnt unheard of that caine would have npcs stationed about for in house adventures, or to man the carnival..! though i dont think she would interact much with you, considering you rarely interact with the others; what use would it be to pester you?
JAX:
honestly before realizing you literally live and sleep and mostly exist in the music box, he probably puts stuff on top of your box... accidentally trapping you inside it. well, actually trapping wouldnt be accurate because you ended up brute forcing your way out, literally sending everything that was on top of the box flying; scaring just about everyone in the room. imagine trying to find out whos faster; you or jax.. i mean, have you seen how fast jax bolted when they found out koufmo abstracted?
RAGATHA:
always tries to ask you if you want to join in on the in house adventure, she doesnt want you to feel left out or unwelcome; even though most times you willingly back out of the activity. though, she feels relieved and even smiles when you spring out of your box to join in on the action... at least she knows you havent abstracted... brain stimulation is important, you know!
KINGER:
he finds some comfort in the music, slowly but surely as the days pass he moves his pillow fort closer and closer to your box before eventually hes right next to you. sometimes even naps, leaning against it. though he does immediately scamper off when you suddenly lunge out to race towards whoever is calling for you. at least he can count on you to have his back in moments of danger or fear!
ZOOBLE:
usually stays in their own lane, but for one reason or another they need help during an IHA, and their yelps and incoherent speech was enough to catch your attention. be it gloink or otherwise, you obliterate the problem; effectively haunting zooble for the rest of their life by your actions... but hey, it feels... nice, having someone you can rely on
GANGLE:
character who is soft spoken and shy meets character that rarely leaves their box when its not needed or necessary; how could a relationship, romantic or otherwise, be fostered in conditions such as this? oddly enough, the silence between you two brings you together, the music keeping the silence from becoming overwhelming. i like to think that sometimes gangle leaves you little notes, choosing to write rather than verbally speak... best not to ruin that special quiet the two of you have learned to share
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verysanebsdfan · 4 months
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My favs x bday!reader
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Saiki Kusuo (the disastrous life of saiki k), Muichiro Tokito (demon slayer), Killua Zoldyck (hunter x hunter), Neuvillette(genshin impact), Dazai Osamu (bungo stray dogs), our!Ciel Phantomhive (black butler) (seperately) x bday!reader
Synopsis: them with s/o who has birthday, how they celebrate, what do they do etc.
Notes: IT'S MY BDAY GUYSSS!!! I honestly wanna go back to being a little child, but oh well, i still have a few years. probably contains grammatical errors but oh well. not proofread. Am I happy with it? no. Am I gonna publish this? absolutely. i also wanted to include Bram Stoker from bsd but my brain was blank and i had no ideasss :((
cw: none i think?
☆*: .。. o .。.:*☆*: .。. o .。.:*☆*: .。. o .。.:*☆*: .。. o .。.:*☆*: .。. o .。.:*☆
Saiki Kusuo:
Would not make you a surprise party, but i feel like he would buy you your favourite cake, pastry, sweets, snack...just something that he know would make you happy. Nothing extravagant, just an average present, from an average guy. It's the thought that counts<3 Would like to spend some quality time with you, but if you wanna hang out with friends or spend time with family, he doesnt mind. He would make sure everything goes smoothly and you would be safe tho<3 Prolly wouldnt make a big deal out of this...It is just birthday after all, but he loves to see you happy soo<3
Happy birthday y/n...i hope you like the (favourite dessert) i got you
Muichiro Tokito:
It really depends, if you are a demon slayer, you would maybe have private training session, and a cute lunch on a break. Now if you aren't a demon slayer (condolences) he'd make time for you'd watch clouds together, eat lunch and spend some time together, but he is busy so... :( I bet he was smiling teh rest fo teh day though :3
Look...that clouds looks just like (favourite animal)...happy birthday y/n...i love you
Killua Zoldyck:
Thinks celebrating something like an anniversary of your birth is stupid :3 Would definitely ask Gon for gift ideas<3 Now, if you are helping Gon find his dad too, I feel like you two would end up having a play fight of a sort? Yk, to train your nen:3 But if you dont, or its already some time after the og plot line, he'd take you on a date, and give you choco robots! Tease you a little too!
look at yourself, in a few years, i wont even be able to call you a baby :3 is it just me or youre even more beatiful? must come witha age:3 Happy Birthday silly:3
Neuvillette:
Humans celebrate the anniversary of their birth? Why? He asks, why celebrate being even closer to death. It scared him...your death...It's so close, yet so far. When you explained him that it's to commemorate your past years, and celebrate what's to come. he understood, after all, humans have only finite amount of years to live, so he was going to make yours the best possible. He would clear up his schedule, or at least try. He would get you flowers and then he would take you to a romantic dinner to the finest restaurant in all of Fontaine, and then to a romantic walk by the shore, to watch otters (:3) He hopes many of these so called birthdays of yours would come.
Mon amour...we should do this more often, not only on special occasions...I love you so much...and these..."birthdays" only remind me of...future without you...
Dazai Osamu:
My man will ask you to commit double suicide i am not even joking. Honestly would either not gaf about your birthday or would be really attentive and romantic and i cannot decide.
Would you be willing to commit double suicide with me, on this important day? *smack*
our!Ciel Phantomhive:
It's not like i am lazy to write, but it's really hard to think of anything okay. I believe you would have tea party. A lot of Earl grey tea, a lot of sweets...and chess or other board games. You will just spend quality time with him...and technically Sebastian too, since he will be tending to your needs, and preparing all the food :3
Happy birthday dearest, i hope the cake is to your liking, i had Sebastian prepare it out of the finest ingredients
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payasita · 1 year
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Good job getting ADHD medication! I’m so proud of you :D
thanks so so much im very happy and so hopeful for the first time maybe ever but also it TOOK ME LIKE. A YEAR. A YEAR.
like yall for real?? for real. for real i have been diagnosed since i was like six. (funny story my teacher thought i was on the spectrum so my parents get me tested with the nodes and shit and according to mom, who loves this story, my neurologist did all that and talked to me and then just turned to my mom and went "she's not autistic. she just hates the other kids" but they DID find an adhd diagnosis in there so net win for all of us)
diagnosed since i was SIX. on stimulants until i turned 8, and you know why i got off em? my pediatrician retired. we could not find another who would take our low-income insurance. so i just had to rawdog The Rest Of My Fucking Life. diagnosed when i was six. legally neurodivergent for 20 slutty slutty angry years.
and it still took me like. a few months to get a psych appointment. a few weeks to reaffirm my diagnosis as an adult. a few more weeks for another appointment for meds. he doesnt Want to do meds first, because i must have been doing fine without them if its been two decades, right? i got a job and a car and everything. well gee fuckin shittickers Dr. Brain Guy, just WHAT was my alternative? would you prefer i be maladapted to the point of incapacitation; is that what it takes for someone to be considered? i cheated my way through school. every day after work i sit for an hour in my car because i dont have the executive function to stand up and walk the ten steps to my house. garbage just appears around me. i have three empty bags of hot chip and two cans of sprite on my desk as we speak, neither from today. at that point i hadnt had a debit card for six months because that would have required me to Drive To The Bank, a location that was new to me in this area, so i just did everything on credit. is this all normal? is this fine? am i GOOD, actually, Dr. WeirdBrain?
so we cordially agree that yes i should probably be medicated. i want to do a stimulant. he does not want to put me on a stimulant. "stimulants can mess with your heart," he says, "and you're young, you don't want heart problems." i say ok because i dont want to make him think im just looking for narcotics. even though i am. because they WORK. i agree to try some kind of antidepressant.
the antidepressant gives me tachycardia. i go to the emergency room after reading a heartbeat of, oh, 140 bpm, which is about like double what it normally is and juuuust below the You Are Having A Heart Attack threshold. i get to the ER and the doctor there is very obviously convinced i'm a local addict having some sort of episode. it is the most ironic experience i've had all year and i feel an abrupt and all consuming kinship with those birds in australia that will swoop you and peck at your face for seemingly no good reason.
so yeah, we narrow it down to the antidepressant. as it turns out, these particular meds are known to, semi-commonly, Mess With Your Heart. i have my next appointment with my psych and somehow refrain from pecking his eyes out. he puts me on a noreprinephrine inhibitor(iirc) that isnt actually FDA approved to treat ADHD specifically(i DEFINITELY rc) but it IS given to smokers to help them quit. i dont smoke. i may very well fucking start before this whole ordeal is at the point where someone listens to me
it obviously does a combined total of jack and shit, and the man waffles with this one because he has "had success" using it as treatment for other ADHD patients. he ups the dose. twice. three months on the smoker meds, which are also apparently notorious for destroying your appetite, but they didnt even do THAT. no change to the average amount of hot chip on my desk.
he wants to try quelbree after that. i finally tell him i'm tired of this shit and would like to have more than two hours of usable daylight to function before it all falls to uncontrollable youtube shorts binges and a daily experience i like to call The Weighted Nothings and i would very much like to PLEASE. TRY A STIMULANT.
he's been friendly enough with me over these past four or five or whatever months but at this he gets suddenly very very business-baseline. gives me the whole spiel about the north american shortage. gives me a spiel about how i absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, lose or sell this medication, because they will not refill it if i do. i am sitting here wondering if he he's telling the truth about having other ADHD patients at all like ever in his career, and also, am i nuts or should the "don't sell your prescription drugs" bit apply to EVERYTHING? i dont fuckin know man i just live here
he says he wants a urine test first. its scheduled for two weeks out. i take it.
"hey uh, your piss came back with cannabis in it" "well it'd be weirder if it didn't, we are in california and i am a kitchen manager" "you can't have weed if you want adderall" "fine i'll stop" "we'll schedule you another test in a month" "aight bet" it didnt go exactly like that but this is kind of what the vibe between us has devolved into by this point.
anyway i wait a month and get a good grade in piss. i get the meds prescribed. i go to fill out the prescription
all i really need to say to you are the words "prior authorization error" for most of you to get what happened next.
the psych isnt even aware. i wait another month for our next meeting, which was yesterday. i do not yell at him. he tells me to take it up with the pharmacy, and yell at them. i am going to yell at them.
so i go, and guess what, it actually went through a while ago! NO ONE TOLD ME OR DR. FEEL-BAD OVER HERE. but we can't fill it right now because its a controlled substance so come back in a few hours. hey it's ready where the hell are you? TAKE YOUR METH AND GET OUT
anyway i started it today, reorganized my pantry, and fixed the fire alarm in my hallway that's been chirping at me for a week. i no longer have to wear earplugs to bed.
and with my newfound executive function superpowers, i will be spraying my weed-free piss all over Reagan's grave.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#ugh. the fucking struggle of a thing i will not talk about. its just an off shoot of one of my many#obessive compulsive tendencies. it just makes me think of my dad. like hes also a fucking anxious person but hes like. i have the thoughts#but then i dont let them control me so its not an issue. and he knos i get caught up on the structure and identification of problems so#hes always like. its only an issue if its like ruining ur life. and hes right and i definitely meet the standards of both of those things#bc im fucking thinking abt these things constantly. its in my head literally all the time. every second of the day#and i mean i guess this specific thing isnt ruining my life but it certainly isnt helpful and in combo with everything else my quality of#life is not what it could b. idk it just feels all empty which is y i became a fucking workaholic#bc i just get so fucking bored stuck in these stupid patterns that at least i can make myseld useful as i drive myself nuts#it also doesnt help that im still trying to unfuck my leg and not being very successful bc theres this fucking voice in my head like#keep moving. u cant sit down. walk around. dont stop. dont stop. dont stop. i can feel the muscles getting irritated again#its unbearable bc it doesn't really even hurt. i just kno im fucking it up for myself and i have all this excess energy that i cant get rid#of bc i cant run. anyway its just irritating#i probably triggered myself by watching the bear all day lol. its so good but it reminds me of working in a shitty banquet hall when my#brain was on fire. and theyve got that toxic workahoism that i so desperately cling to. and in a weird way i can relate tho their fucked#up mom when everyones just trying to help but shes so fixated on this thing that's clearly causing her distress but shes just screaming at#them. like i mean i have insight into my issues and i try not to let them affect anyone but me but its so hard when its like. i have to do#this thing. i have to do it. i kno its bad. i kno its fucked up but shut the fuck up and let me do this. u dont fucking understand#but i wouldn't say that bc i kno its irrational. ugh. i also have to go to a lab dinner tomorrow. maybe#no time has been listed so idk. its for my leaving so im technically the focus. hate that for me. whatever. itll b fine#at least the place is within walking distance and its like less than 3 weeks until i leave#unrelated
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crow-ur-beloved · 2 months
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various jrwi headcanons because the worms in my brain (potential autism) wont shut up. no real plot spoilers except for one, but its marked :]
the suckening:
shilo is like vampire immunocompromised, which added to the pile of reasons his mom used to keep him inside the castle because she didnt want him to immediately get 37 different diseases and Die. (if vampires can have allergies then id like to think they can also get sick. i dont actually know if thats possible in the vtm system but i dont care they can in my heart)
genderfuck/genderpunk afab emizel. i feel like thats the only label he'd use, if he had to have one. i dont think hed label his sexuality because he wants to be an enigma. but he Definitely likes men.
bizley said in the qna something that can Only let me think of shilo as aromantic. maybe aro And ace... i dont remember what he said exactly aughhgh i wish i did...
shilo fidgets with his hands like all the time. his mother and uncle tried to get him to stop and sit still because it wasnt very princely and whatnot but my boy needs a fidget toy. i think hed go craaaazy with an infinity cube
i feel like me saying arthur bennett is a bisexual doesnt even count as a headcanon like i think thats just a given. i feel like itd be more surprising if i said i thought he was straight. all beautiful beautiful vampire men have to be lgbtq. its the law actually
arthur never officially broke up with mary. mans just Left one day without warning. probably left a note that said "sorry. -arthur" on it. i doubt he had it in him to say goodbye to her face or his reasoning for it (he thought hed inevitably hurt her because of what he is and what he did to the people he loved in the past, because bad luck seems to follow him everywhere... oughh he makes me ill). he definitely used finding a new lead on anya somewhere else in the country as a good reason to dip. at least, as good a reason as it couldve been for him.
maybe controversial but i 100% think arthur and magnus had a one-night stand at the beginning of their relationship, before magnus met jerome, and they never talked about it again and pretend it never happened. cannot explain how real this is to me.
riptide:
ftm chip who 100% innately knew he was a dude since the moment he could think. like when the black rose pirates picked him up, he got confused when they started referring to him as a girl at first. probably never got The Talk from them, so was Very confused when he hit puberty. Reuben reluctantly helped him steal to pay for top surgery.
since tritons live at the bottom of the ocean, they would have eyes that are far more sensitive to light to allow them to see better since little light gets all the way down there. gillion was Immediately blinded by the sun when he surfaced and still gets headaches from how bright it is in the oversea, but they've gotten better the longer he's been up there. tritons are built to adapt to all kinds of conditions, so his eyes have slowly been getting a darker bluish-purple the longer he spends above the ocean; they were originally more of a light blue-grey.
in tandem with the last one, chip thinks hes either going crazy or a bad friend because he Swears gill's eyecolor is different than last week but how could that be possible, thats not just something he can do, right? why would he be able to do that???
if gillion gets knocked onto his back without warning he does that thing that sharks do where they get paralyzed for a bit when they get flipped upside down. its scary because he can see everything but cant do anything. he also definitely forgot to tell chip and jay about this fact and scared the Shit out of them the first time it happened around them.
gillion can also change his sex like some fish can. its the reason he can lay eggs. i think this makes it safe to say genderfluid/nonbinary/generally trans gillion tidestrider is highly possible and even probable in this headcanon. what im saying is t4t fish n chips.
not to headcanon all my favs as trans but i cant help it. it is the highest honor i can bestow upon them. anyways. mtf jay ferin. ava always knew and was the first person jay came out to. jay was also 100% named jayson after her father and went by jay most of her life anyway as a nickname and just decided to stick with it instead of picking anything else. may was always very openly-supportive of her. jayson was as supportive as a generally strict, overbearing, unsupportive-in-everything father can be. jay totally came out to him and the first thing he said to her was something like, "as long as it doesnt interfere with your navy training," and may promptly kicked him under the table and made him say something nice.
kiras trans too btw. she came out before jay and helped jay discover she was trans. and that she liked women.
(spoilers for 109 and beyond) chip can't entirely remember what he looks like. everytime he focuses on the illusion of hiding that hes practically just a skeleton now, it changes just a bit. freckles in the wrong places, the wrong shade of orange for his flame tattoos, too much light in his eyes, too much muscle on his arms. jay notices it but cant bring herself to say anything. she knows the illusion is meant to keep everyone from worrying, but, everytime she sees something off about it, she just remembers what he really looks like underneath, and that somehow feels worse.
blood in the bayou:
all these bitches gay as hell. kian is pan. rands got a lot of internalized homophobia. rolan probably too. its the 80s, man.
apotheosis (haven't finished it yet so idk how true these'll be lol):
agender rumi. godbless.
also rumis a theater kid. he got the lead in every musical he auditioned for because he could literally just shapeshift. theyd make up a new identity and appearance for every role and get to know everyone on the cast and then mysteriously drop off the face of the planet as that person when the production was over and nobody would know it was them.
peter has actually tried All Kinds of things. weed. yoga. multilevel marketing schemes. you name it, big chance hes done it at least once and didnt like it. he doesnt know how he ends up in the situations to try it, either.
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thatghostinyourbog · 1 month
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THIS SCENE
THIS FUCKING SCENE
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I always thought this scene SAID everything it needed to say
And I just never looked too deeply into it until now
Atsushi and his tiger are separate
They are portrayed as 2 separate beings throughout the entire show
And his ability might be like that
But if we're thinking of this from a storyteller point of view
Atsushi is the tiger
The tiger is Atsushi
In that scene atsushi admits how much he hates himself
And later Akutagawa reveals that Atsushi thinks he doesn't deserve to live unless he's helping others
But that doesn't change, atsushi just doesn't think he deserves to live. He is trying to earn to live but helping people is just keeping him alive
I think the tiger came out to help him (he helped himself) only because he finally thought he deserved to live, he was helping so many people and in that moment he realised this gives him a right to live
So why was that not the end of the season and his character development??
WELL I'M GLAD YOU ASKED
After all that happened SECONDS after the ENTIRE CITY was saved Atsushis main focus was still on making sure as many people lived as possible. After all that it still wasn't enough.
Then we move onto his quality bonding time with the little Victorian boy
I've already talked about Atsushi and Akus relationship so I won't say much more
But the interactions at the end of season 2
Aku not only figured out Atsushi was trying to make it so he deserved to live he also told him how stupid it was
Atsushi and Aku need to hear things like this
Natural behaviours and beliefs they have from their trauma are stupid, but they have so much weight to them neither of them can help but live by those things and sometimes it takes your rival to go up to you, stab you in the shoulders, and say you're stupid for you to think somewhat rationally
Aku tells Atsushi he doesn't have to live his life by other people's morals
He does actually have a choice
With Atsushis past at the orphanage hearing this must've felt like being hit by a truck
Atsushi realised he can have his own morals and he's free to help or kill whoever he pleases
Aku shows Atsushi that he is free
Now there isn't a set way to overcome trauma or improve your mental wellbeing
God everyone wishes there were but that's just life
And I think that's what bsd is
It's people trying to overcome their trauma
People trying to get better
People who seem to be worse at just living than others
Imo bsd is about getting better
Some characters won't
Some will
Some people won't get better
Some will
Bsd is so special because of that fact
It's the only show I've seen that is aimed towards people who simply find living more difficult than others
This is the show you watch when you feel completely alone
The characters are written so well and they're so different from eachother but they all are still suffering
It covers topics that the viewers probably thought they were entirely alone in even thinking about
(My thoughts were all over the place I can't figure out a better way to put all this together so just suffer through the edited thoughts of my brain)((Yea imagine how I feel I have to suffer through the completely unedited ones))
Atsushi views the tiger way higher than himself
The tiger represents the part of Atsushi who no matter what will help others
Atsushi himself does not believe he is such a good person
He doesnt believe he is as good as he is, he believes he can harm to people when in reality he would never be able to bring himself to hurt others
The tiger represents Atsushis natural good nature
And Atsushi himself represents all his doubts and worries and feelings of worthlessness
He thinks he is such a bad person he has separated the natural good things about himself and put them into his ability
Which is why in dead apple he seemed so lost and helpless
For half the movie he was following Aku and Kyouka around unsure of what to do
And once he faced his trauma and got his ability back he realised he doesn't HAVE to be such a good person
He doesn't have to be this perfect being who saves everyone and doesn't let anyone suffer
He learns he has to fight
He learns he has to kill some people and there's no way around it
That doesn't make him a bad person
It just makes him human
And this is what he realises at the end of the movie
It's also what he shows Dazai right at the start and the end with those little interactions they have
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Atsushi never doubted Dazais humanity
They're all just human
And they're all trying to live to be better people
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intrinsicepiphany · 7 months
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Okay tumblr lets talk theories again.
(my brain rot + knowledge of religion has me all up in Hazbin Hotel right now.)
Today I want to talk Biology! Mostly because I made the poor choice of going to Twitter's chaggie tag and looking at the comments...
So can we discuss Why do so many people keep trying to apply HUMAN biology to the Half-Demon Nephillim daughter of an Arch-Angel?!
Okay I'll start at the begining and work my way to the reasons why if Charlie really wants a kid with Vaggie both of them being assigned female at creation probably isn't going to matter.
Let's start with Lucifer!
So as far as has been shown in the show Lucifer is an original Archangel even down to his lovely 6 red wings. This makes him one of the most powerful beings in heaven.
(If we go by bible text he was actually a favorite until his dreams of free will led him astray and depending on the text he merely has to admit he was wrong and ask for forgiveness to return)
Now looking at everything after this fall he has never lost his Angelic Abilities. His default powers are still angelic gold.
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We do see he also has a Full Demon form when he is pissed. Interestingly enough his crown also doubles as a halo in this form. Also note for later just how much Charlie resembles him in both forms.
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This suggest that at root biology Lucifer is still an archangel with demon traits. This combination is most likely what makes him the strongest being in hell by a long shot. The only reason others even have power is purely because he doesnt care enough to flex his power and has no desire to actually rule.
Now on to Lilith!
What do we know about Lilith?
Well we know she was a created human not born.
She was Adam's equal
And she left and got with Lucifer before the fall.
So here is the deal... I dont think Lilith can be classified as a sinner. She didnt die to end up in hell and in fact she fell before hell was really a thing. she helped create it after all. (Plus you know Charlie exsists)
So what IS Lilith? I think Lilith as one of a few Actual Demons. And if we have to classify her she'd be closer to a Sin. I actually think of Lilith as the Sin of Pride in Hazbin Hotel not Lucifer. We are even told that She created pentagram city and developed hell while lucifer kept to his workshop in depression.
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Now let's talk about this scene for a second. Lilith fell from heaven/earth Alive and possibly even immortal since human kind was immortal before Eve took the apple.
Lilith gains power from her fall into hell. She develops demon like attributes and seems to have musical based magic. She also seems to retain or get immortality. So what does this fall mean? It means that Lilith was NOT HUMAN by the time Charlie was born.
So what does this mean for Charlie?
Well for one Charlie is NOT just some Hellborn. She is by Definition a Nephilim but she is not half-human. She would most likely be considered a Half-Demon, Half-Angel Nephilim.
This would explain her expansive (if never used) power base. The official power ranking has her tied with Lilith with only Lucifer being more powerful. Which makes complete sense. She is the Heir to the entire thing after all. (I actually think this is why Alastor couldnt make a deal for her soul and settled for a favor instead)
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She also inheirited Angelic powers from her father. As seen by the fact that her default magic is gold. Which means she has angel blood in her veins. Lets be honest i wouldnt be surprised if she ended up bleeding gold in the future.
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In fact she seems to have inherited most of her abilities from dear old dad.
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Im pretty sure that just by shear ability and magic if Charlie wanted a kid she could probably create/magic one into exsistance no matter who her partner was.
But lets review Vaggie just for fun! Because I have thoughts
What do we actually know about Vaggie?
Well we know she is an angel. I say is because I dont think Lute or Adam actually have the power to cast an angel out of heaven AND she gets her wings back. This would mean she is not actually a sinner she would be closer to a fallen angel like lucifer.
We know she speaks Spanish and seems to be of Hispanic nature. BUT! Do we know if she was ever really human?!
We know Adam claims to have named her Vaggie. This could suggest three things
1) exorcist take on a new name when they join. But if this was true why wouldnt she leave this name behind and return to her human name once in hell? It would have kept her secret better and you'd figure she would want to leave behind the negative feelings that would come with her exorcist name.
2) Adam in his self-centered ways misheard her real name (maybe something like Aggie from Agatha or Maggie) and thought she said Vaggie or actively chose to misinterpret her name and she never cared to correct him. BUT Once more why would she not just return to her real name once with Charlie in hell?
Or 3) And this one is the real kicker. Vaggie is a Heaven-born Angel.
If the answer is 3 than it would imply that she was never human which brings her closer to lucifers biology.
Some other interesting things to consider about this last theory. Lute and Vaggie resemble each other a great deal. In fact, all the exorcist seem to have a similar body type. (I mean you could argue its the uniform but even without the uniform the resembalance between lute and vaggie is uncanny) and if I remember correctly at one point the exterminators are refered to as sister? I mean this could mean sisters-in-arms BUT What if ALL exorcist were heaven-born?
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If they were never human this could explain both their ability and their desire to slay sinners. Much like Sera they wouldn't have any sympathy for the dammed because they wouldn't have any possible family that could end up down there. They would also have Very little connection to or concern for former humans. After all like Adam said they had their chance and they screwed up.
So in the end what does this all mean?
Well I actually already kind of said it
1) Fandom really needs to stop applying human biology to Charlie. She is a half demon half archangel Nephilim with incredible magic.
If charlie wants a kid she can probably magic one up no matter the obsticles please stop asking artist and writers how it is possible for her and vaggie to have a kid/get pregnant if they are both women - the answer is Charlie Magic.
2) all 4 of the above have the potential to be way stronger than they have been shown in the show.
And
3) Charlie is a potential BadAss and is just too nice to go full tactical nuke - this will be covered in my next ted talk.
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hp-hcs · 11 months
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Hello there.
Since you're taking a request, then maybe some poły relationship with Theo and Mattheo. Preferably male lub gn reader
Thanks and have a good day
aaaaaa a non-monogamous relationship with my two favorite boyos??? abso-fuckin-lutely!!!
polyamorous theodore nott & mattheo riddle x gn!reader headcanons
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(lovely pictures from @demieyesore)
since it wasn’t specified if the boyos were dating each other as well or not, i made it ✨up to reader interpretation✨
❕gender-neutral reader❕
TWs: violence (it’s theo & mattheo, what do you expect?), brief sexual harassment/attempted sexual assault (?)
requests open (please for the love of god)
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
general headcanons:
mattheo is little spoon and i will take no arguments
(he’s almost always in the middle <3)
if you call theo literally any pet name he will die on the spot
same if you call mattheo any variation of ‘pretty boy’ or ‘cutie’
(extra bonus points if you compliment something unrelated to his physical appearance, like how well he did on a test, or how perceptive he is. homeboy will have no idea how to respond. he’ll just be like 🧍‍♂️🥹👍🫶)
the poly thing actually only happened because there was a very aggressive love triangle thing going on and then they were like “wait this is dumb”
plus, it makes a bunch of the teachers uncomfy, + both of their fathers, so really it’s ideal
they r possessive as F U C K
they can share with each other, that’s it. no one else.
i dare anyone to try to bully or harass you
or actually, even just look at you
OR IF SOMEBODY TRIES TO ASK YOU OUT
someone call an ambulance for the poor fuck 💥🚑🚨🩹🪦💀
lil oneshot thing? idk man:
you go to one of enzo’s stupid parties without your boys
“i’ll be fine guys, promise”
y/n was, in fact, Not Fine™
someone tries to hit on you but just DOESNT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER
let's say it’s cormac mclaggen cause mf is creepy asf
(i know everyone makes him like ‘the bad guy’ but yk what if you don’t like it go write ur own headcanons. they’d probably be better anyways)
anywhore, cormac is like, getting a lil too close for comfort
just kind of haranguing you the whole night
offering drinks, complimenting how you’re dressed, telling you that your boyfriends are “so lucky to have someone as sexy as you”
🤮🤮
you are OBVIOUSLY uncomfortable
but shit hits the fan when he grabs your waist/hip area and tries to kiss you
✨surprise!✨
your mancandy was here the whole time 😌
(not cause they don’t trust you, they just don’t trust anybody else)
💥👊😡🩸🩹🔪🗡️💣
cormac: 🥊🦷😵‍💫🩸🩹🩼☠️⚰️🪦
(lowkey hot to watch em defend you but yk)
((y/n for literally no reason: 👁️🫦👁️)
(((if you tell mattheo you think it’s hot, he’ll just go 🥺🫶💋😚🫂)))
misc:
expounding further on my earlier mattheo x reader headcanons, a scientific study i’ve conducted has found that mattheo riddle is, in fact, a himbo
from the new partridge dictionary of slang and unconventional english, a himbo is “a man objectified by his good looks and presumed lack of intellectual qualities, a man who trades on this image, a gigolo”
objectified by his good looks? have you met tumblr? ✅
lack of intellectual qualities? well, he thinks violence solves everything and thinks with his dick instead of his brain so i’m gonna say yeah ✅
but let’s keep it going, shall we?
a himbo is also defined as the “human version of a golden retriever—beautiful, incredibly well-intentioned, and dumb.”
…yep
beautiful ✅ well-intentioned (in his own mind) ✅ & dumb (lovingly) ✅
additionally: buff 💪 ✅ & respects his romantic partner(s) ✅
“but hp-hcs,” you bemoan. “what does that make theo?”
well, my dear delusionists, theodore nott is a hunk—not quite a himbo, but close
hopefully this venn diagram i made of some of the himbos & himbo-adjacents in the hp world will help illustrate this for you
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phoenixyfriend · 2 years
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Post-O66 Mace going into hiding as a pirate with a crew like Hondo's, is that anything?
I got a bunch of input on discord. Calling this one:
A bunch of pirates, a Jedi Master on the run, and a traumatized twelve-year-old.
Kicking off with a key part of it all is @atagotiak (Tia):
He’s annoying because he’s such a stick in the mud (by which I mean it’s rather inconvenient for a pirate crew when the new recruit has morals and stuff) But he’s too valuable to get rid of, due to having all that experience with administration
I am enamored with the idea of Mace's main job being just. Pirate Admin.
Mace: So this is what I am reduced to. Aiding and abetting… in tax evasion. Hondo: And piracy. Mace: The tax evasion is a bigger hit to my pride.
Tia:
The pirates are annoyed that despite him stopping them from going through with the more immoral (and lucrative) plans they’re still making more money than before
Pirates: How are we making more money now-- Mace: Have you heard of a budget.
@jebiknights (knights):
okay but traditionally pirate ships have a quarter master who is high ranking, in charge of the bounty of every prize and therefore in charge of dividing everything up fairly like that could work really well lmaooo
The crew runs into Obi-Wan during the Leia incident and it's just time for "I can explain" on both ends.
Tia:
Hey, d’you think the pirates go after force sensitives? Mace managed to talk them into recruitment and/or relocation instead of selling to the empire. (And that’s another thing that could possibly have worked out better for them than the immoral option (not least because the empire doesn’t really treat its allies well)) Obi-Wan: and how are you dealing with Hondo’s… nonsense? Mace: eh, it’s not like he’s any worse than you or Yoda. (Mace is probably just messing with Obi-Wan. Probably)
Also I'm thinking that one of those initiates that Hondo let go(?) that one time finds them because a pirate might be likely to sell them out but they're demonstrably competent at evading arrest, so maybe-
And that's how Mace ends up with another padawan. Maybe Katooni.
@dracothulhu:
Hondo would put him in so many stupid costumes
knights:
i also just realized that mace loses both of his hands in rots..... hondo tries to convince him at least one of said hands should be a hook or a lightsaber
Tia:
Probably deliberately playing straight man about it. He doesn’t care about dignity that much, but there’s benefits to exaggerate how humiliating he finds it Hey, y’know what’s piratical? Eyepatches
[vibrates in response to baiting for Nick Fury jokes] Love it
Tia:
I do think as much as jokes about Samuel L Jackson’s other roles are fun, pirate Mace shouldn’t swear much, even after becoming acclimated to pirate life.
knights:
also i agree i think pirate mace shouldnt swear much, he should get to use his classically trained acting chops and give dramatic speeches like hes the love interest in a pirate romance novel hondo is swooning in the background .... nixy im about ready to start crack shipping them bc of this dammit this is going to pick at my brain isnt it dhgisrjgser (pirate mace not the hondo/mace part) honestly the funniest thing is that mace would probably really enjoy being a pirate after all of the beauracracy he had to deal with in the senate during the war. things are much more simple even if everyone drives him nuts lol listen mace didn't intend to get directly involved in the actual like heists probably, he is there to lay low and also to keep the ship organized and make sure hondo doesnt blow all their money on booze and "investments", but then hondo's dumbass probably gets in over his head along with his first mate and some other crew members and mace is starting to like the life hes living esp bc he is still able to help people on the Path in between thievery and tax evasion, so he goes to rescue them and is like... what am i supposed to do i am too recognizable i am supposed to be dead and puts on a disguise and just goes for it
Another thing Mace is good at is contracts He is. Painfully good at it. He doesn't enjoy it, but watching Hondo draft up a contract is almost painful. (Hondo is smart at this. He's clever. He's experienced. But he didn't take multiple classes on contract law.)
Tia:
Hondo never seemed especially book smart, and he never made a promise he hadn’t at least considered breaking so contracts would be a weak point for him
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