#//god this is so fucking funny

[piers-official]

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain

I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain

But that's just perfect for an Amish like me

You know, I shun fancy things like electricity

At 4:30 in the morning, I'm milkin' cows

Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool

And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that

Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone

I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline

Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin

But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine

Then tonight, we're gonna party like it's 1699

🎶We been spendin' most our lives Livin' in an Amish paradise

I churned butter once or twice Livin' in an Amish paradise

It's hard work and sacrifice Livin' in an Amish paradise

We sell quilts at discount price Livin' in an Amish paradise!!🎶

[payasita]

being a manager sucks balls half the time but the cashier kids im in charge of trust me enough to dick around in front of me so ive been keeping a running list of the shit they say that makes me laugh randomly: -"guys, is it cheating if you play fortnite with your ex" [4 seperate others, immediately]: "YES" -"there must be like… infinite sentences" -"bro what bro what the fuck bro what's that mean bro why'd you say that bro what" <distraught response to a girl randomly greeting him with 'hey there big boy' in an old timey transatlantic news reporter accent

[time-woods]

guy doesnt know what pins n needles are

( part1-2/? ?)

(start) (<next part>)

[cozylittleartblog]

@staff if you [change] the [design] of the fucking [dashboard] i will kill you

edit. i want it on the actual post that i am not actually making a de-th threat against the staff. that's shitty. the caption quotes the fucking costco hot dog meme, which i originally said in the tags. if any staff member sees this please do Not take it personally

[socvincjpeg]

The book of bill website is open and typing in breakup/divorce gets you..

bro...

[eldritchsquared]

THAT IS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST FUCKING THINGS I’VE EVER SEEN OH MY GODDDDDD

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

so in an attempt to actually use positive thinking, anytime i fuck up and my brain reacts as if ive cause a minor apocalyptic event, i compare my fuck up to the 4 minute fuck up committed by the crew of the uss william d porter.

and only today, as i was having to explain what happened to my mom when i was explaining the whole comparison thing, did i realise that most people dont know about it and ive decided that needs to change because its objectively hilarious.

...which is a weird thing to say about an event that occured on a warship in 1943, specifically november 14th.

see the uss william d porter was a fletcher-class destroyer but you dont need to know what that means, just that she had guns that went bang bang and that she was escorting another ship, the uss iowa, to cairo.

while they were on their way there, they performed some gun trials like testing the anti-aircraft guns or the torpedos. and while they were running a torpedo drill, the crew of the porter managed to fire a live torpedo straight at the iowa which you know, in terms of a list of things to do while escorting a ship, shooting a torpedo at them is not on that list.

especially if the president of the united states is on board.

yeah so fdr was on board and the gun trials were actually his idea, and part of the trials was that they were conducted under radio silence.

and that means the crew of the porter couldnt just call the iowa to be like "move out the way, we accidentally shot a torpedo at you."

but they did have signal lamps and you know, the signalman on board was trained to signal this exact kind of message.

...and uh never mind, the signalman did manage to successfully tell the iowa that a torpedo was coming toward them but wasnt as successful when it came to the direction the torpedo was coming from.

not all hope is lost though because the signalman could still use the signal lamp to correct his previous mistake and-, never mind, he announced that the porter was reversing, which she wasnt.

yeah so at catastrophic mistake number 3, they broke radio silence to warn the iowa and she managed to turn out of the way just in time which meant no one got hurt. and even though the inquiry into the incident led to chief torpedoman (fantastic job title btw) lawton dawson being sentences to hard labour, fdr intervened and waved away his sentence, saying it was all an accident.

but yeah, so thats my new measure for "how much did i really fuck up?" and when i compared accidentally picking up a pencil case without a tag on it in wilko, turns out it was a very minor fuck-up. yes, the cashier had to ask another worker to grab a duplicate so they could scan the barcode, but i didnt nearly kill the president during wartime via accidental friendly fire

[heyitsphoenixx]

of course brennan’s vip ep was an art house film about the metaphor of the self through the lens of false dream logic and time loops delivered by a wild man from the woods who is also a physicist from Newfoundland who carries around rocks in a briefcase that he has to hatch and doesn’t know the word alligator but does know the words centrifugal force and is afraid of bowls. of course.

[columboposting]

rewatched Last of the Time Lords

[lotus-pear]

charm stat at debonair ‼️‼️

[demigods-posts]

been thinking about that scene in chalice of the gods when percy and annabeth are singing karaoke together. and it's so funny bc percy "if anything, i should be getting a scholarship to NRU" jackson is just stone-faced, fed up with this bullshit and just sings the song bc dammit this might as well happening. and annabeth "this quest is the least dangerous things i've had to do in my entire life, and i'm trapped in my eight-year-old body with no guaranteed that i'll return to myself" chase is just singing her heart out, adding a ridiculous amount of riffs and runs, and is definitely off-key and off tempo. like, percy could not be more pissed off about how stupid it'll be if they don't survive, and annabeth could not care any less about how they win as long as they do. this is a hilarious visual. hats off to rick.

[1hellofacookie]

Do... do you like

...the colours of the sky?

please tell me nobody did this yet 💀💀

[softausterity]

we're so back (it's so over)

[lazycranberrydoodles]

english translation book 5 baby we are in the ‘people assuming kid form hua cheng is xie lian’s son’ era 🔥🔥🔥 / follow for more hualian silliness

[nobledragonflying]

it's the final video of the current hermitcraft season, you open it to find grian doing a final tour of the server, of all the builds and funny stories that had happened

then he goes to the place that started it all, the fishing dock. he never did get that mending book after all

imagine him fishing for one last time for old times sake, the string bobs and he reels in a book

he laughs figuring it’s a sharpness or bane of arthropods, or something just as useless to him. still he goes and opens his inventory. his cursor hovers over the book and right there it says-

mending

in glowing shimmering purple. there is a silence so deafening that you think that someone was murdered

you can physically see his soul leave his body before the most ear piercing scream-

the video cuts to black

[saragrosie]

I have been sketching. So much tma. Here's some expansions on my Jon and Martin designs I've been doing.

Another note I forgor to mention is I love how after hearing Simon go "it's enough to make your hair turn white" about Martin's office in s4 many of us collectively agreed his hair turned white because of his association with the Lonely. The shared consciousness is real and we use it to play hot potato with the communal brain cell dedicated to the sillies.

Closeup of apocalypse boyfriends (also to the person who said they love my s5 Jon's fancy white girl updo: I think about that every day)