#;; considering they may be the same person but like hell ill write them as one HAOSHOSJS

[oletus-manors-log]

hello fellow idv writer, welcome to the shithole that is ashes of memory /lh

anyways in the title screen as well Alice is turning around [as China server accidentally leaked a 3rd image where she's facing the player]! We don't know what this means but, like orpheus, we're taking this as a symbol of her looking back, looking back into her past to embrace her future.

I'm also taking this as Ashes of Memory part 2 99% likely coming soon 👀

Ooh, hello fellow IDV writer! 👋 Also yeah haha Ashes of Memory has me in a chokehold rn.

And ohhh— man I'm already excited for it coming soon! I just got back and if we have to wait for 3 years for the next lore drop? 😩 Hell no LMAO we don't need another episode of Orpheus lore not being dropped until years later LMAOOOO

Speaking of Alice, she's had my interest for a while and the way she's basically the grown up ver. of LG has me 👀✨ in potential lore (would also love to ask her on a platonic date like madame please tell me the shit you discovered, I'd love to know what you found out)

If we don't get to see more of her bond and the match she'll be on with the others, I'll throw hands WWWWW

[projecthipster]

Fight Club, by Chuck Palahniuk

This being a stock photo is very enjoyable to me.

“We are God's middle children, according to Tyler Durden, with no special place in history and no special attention. Unless we get God's attention, we have no hope of damnation or redemption. Which is worse, Hell or nothing?”

"A bit 2edgy4u, but neat ideas about how angry men be angry. Didn’t care a lot for the terse, repetitive writing style to start but I got used to it as the threads came together to the intense climax. And it’s short, so not like it was a huge investment."

Ok, so that’s a pretty terse review. Ironically, considering that “terse, repetitive writing” was one of my criticisms. That was, directly copy-pasted, the review I posted on Goodreads after finishing Fight Club early last year. For a proper Project Hipster post I ought to expand it. And yet— I actually think that covers it pretty well. Let’s break my terse review of this terse novel down into its aspects, then, and see what I meant, in less terse words, and let’s see whether a year and a half to think things over has changed my thoughts. Terse doesn’t sound like a word anymore.

A bit 2edgy4u, but neat ideas about how angry men be angry

The aspect of Hipsterdom that I’ve never gravitated so much towards is that which stems from angsty postmodern 90s Gen X disillusionment, and as I mentioned back in my first Radiohead review, Palahniuk is kind of the epitome of that. And he does do it well.

Maybe I’m just too young to have lived through it, but I can empathize with it. The routine of life in a bullshit job under Capitalism Victorious is as mind-numbing now as it was then, I know well, and the now laughable late millennium rhetoric of the End of History must have added a particularly different sort of catalyst for mental illness. While today it’s the chaos of the world that fills us with anxiety, its seeming stability in the age of Fight Club must have created another sort of dread, living with the apparent surety that this world of fluorescence and linoleum was the ultimate aspiration of society, and now that it had arrived, it would carry on forever. I need the darkness, someone please cut the light!

Is it any wonder, then, that Palanhiuk’s pointedly nameless narrator falls into a sleepless spiral of desire for chaos, wanting to “wipe his ass with the Mona Lisa” and break beautiful things just to experience the thrill of change? That spiral leads the narrator into Project Mayhem, the anarcho-fascist cult of Tyler Durden, a mysterious, rebellious drifter who may be more than he seems, and promises an escape from monotony through rebellion, ascending over the short course of the novel from pranks to terrorism.

A lot of the discourse around this book and its adaptation centres on that always-crucial question – in stories about men lashing out in anger, how much are we meant to agree? The ending of Fight Club (the book, at least; we’ll come back to that point) makes it pretty clear that Palahniuk is hardly holding up Tyler Durden as a role model. But he comes from a place motivated by genuine criticism of a heartless society. Palanhiuk says that its’ “about a lonely person looking for some way to connect with other people." It’s a cautionary tale, then, about the fallout of loneliness and toxic masculinity, but where’s the line that morality is transcended in favour of rage? For the narrator, it’s another character’s death. For the reader, should it be the same? Or earlier? These are interesting, worthwhile questions! I have no definitive answers to them. There are interesting metaphors here, too, like how Tyler steals human fat from lipo clinics, literally the offcast fat of the fattening system, and uses it to make his weapons.

Palahniuk was himself a member of something called the Cacophony Society, which sounds a lot like Project Mayhem purely in name, but reading up on it makes it sound a lot less intense, given that it’s more of an unincorporated counter-cultural arts group. Cacophonists allegedly created Burning Man, paint Banksyesque street art, perform satirical Christmas carols, and disrupt the rush by blocking traffic to host picnics open to all visitors. Oh, and, uh, write edgy novels. Sounds fun, actually. Sounds like that’s a much healthier response to the same things that drive the characters in Fight Club to violence. Apparently the Cacophony Society itself stems from an earlier San Fransisco secret society called the Suicide Club, which focused mostly on urban exploration and the benefits of thrill-seeking.

Didn’t care a lot for the terse, repetitive writing style to start but I got used to it

Yeah, I still think this to some degree. I just prefer purpler prose, on a personal level. But I can respect Palanhiuk’s stylistic choices, to the point that they seem to be impacting these very sentences as I type them. Quotes from Fight Club in my mind are right now bleeding into the way I tackle my own keyboard. One maybe generous interpretation of Fight Club’s writing style is that it’s a window into the narrator's deteriorating mental state. When we’re working around sleepless nights, and when stress and anger are eroding reason into base fight-or-flight instinct, none of us are thinking in full sentences. It helps somehow to know that there’s a name and history for this style as well. Palahniuk was a disciple of Tom Spanbauer, who in Portland, where lives the dream of the 90s, taught the style he called “dangerous writing.” Spanbauer defines the style’s tenets as minimalism, realism, and writing from painful personal experience. In a way it’s very similar to Hemingway’s “one true sentence” approach. It’s another swing of the pendulum in the same direction, I suppose. As Hemingway was reacting against the Romantics, Spanbauer and Palahniuk were reacting to the maximalist “hysterical realism” of David Foster Wallace and Zadie Smith (who I also like.) It’s a style. Can’t fault style for consistency. In terms of repetition, I’m referring of course to the very prominent motifs, like the narrator's constant (and it is constant) reframing of the Reader’s Digest feature “I am Joe’s…”

as the threads came together to the intense climax

And what a climax. I should preface by saying that somehow I’ve still never actually seen the movie. Through cultural osmosis, though, I knew the twist. If you don’t, stop reading. Despite Publishers Weekly calling the twist “particularly bizarre,” despite the use of then-obscure dissociative identity disorder to justify its mechanics, it’s fairly simple in concept. This character seems to be the character’s secret ambitions manifested ad extremis. And it turns out that’s exactly what he is. It’s one of those devices that leads every scene to be read two ways, which is always good, and it makes the climax thrilling. I also know how the movie ends differently. I think in terms of themes I prefer the book version, but I understand why it was changed to a more visually dramatic ending for the movie. I also think it’s pretty funny that the Chinese release of the movie wasn’t allowed to show Project Mayhem succeeding, so it cuts out the end in favour of essentially telling the book ending in captions.

And it’s short, so not like it was a huge investment.

Unlike this post. Sorry. Good thing I don't write these with the assumption that anyone will ever read them.

I give this hipster book four disillusioned white men out of five.

Project Hipster is a futile and disorganized attempt to dive into the world of things that the internet has at some point claimed "are hipster," mostly through ListChallenges search results.

This review comes from the ninth list, Essential Books For Hipsters.

Next up: a more lighthearted movie that can still make you cry.

Stay deck.

[captainsparklefingers]

I'm thinking of reasons for why Seward would contact Van Helsing in the 'lucy goes with Mina and gets a temporary reprieve from Drac' au that's looking more and more likely to be a thing I'll try to end up writing.

Obviously, in the main story, it's love for Lucy and a friendship with Arthur that acts as the main motivation. Remove Lucy from the picture, what would concern or intrigue Seward enough to reach out to his old colleague?

I'm thinking of a twofold approach. The first one is Renfield, and his behavior in the wake of Dracula's arrival becoming more erratic (continued attempts at nighttime escapes being the big one), and the second one is still connected to Lucy: her mother.

Now, I'm not thinking that Dracula would target Mrs. Westenra, she's not his type (or maybe the blood of a woman dying slowly from heart failure isn't appetizing, idk). But Lucy, writing to Arthur after a last minute decision to join Mina, would likely tell him to look after her mother and keep her company. We know the Westenra household has maids, it comes up later when SPOILERS. Some of them may be in the same age group as Lucy.

With his target of choice gone, Dracula would be forced to explore other options. Perhaps he starts close to where he originally wanted to hunt, and several of the Westenra maids start to fall ill with strange symptoms that could be caused by who knows what. Dracula could and probably would likely spread out from there, perhaps not targeting any one person in an attempt to turn them but treating the town like an open buffet.

Arthur, doing as Lucy asked, visiting her mother, could hear of the maids falling in. Perhaps he'd see one looking pale and almost bloodless and tired in a way that doesn't look like overworking. Perhaps he'd write to his friend Seward and express concern that this could spread to Lucy's mother, and if he has time would he consider coming out for a check up with some of these ladies? Just so that he doesn't have to tell Lucy her mother was surrounded by sick people, so that he's doing as she asked and making sure her mother is doing well (and maybe in the face of what's happening to her father, this actually feels like something he can do something about).

And if Jack does, out of friendship for Arthur and a love for Lucy that would drive him to do something small or odd like this to ensure her continued happiness, he would have results similar to what he got examining Lucy. Nothing that would indicate any sort of physical illness but something clearly isn't right. And then maybe he'd hear other women were having similar symptoms. Maybe there's a pattern to which women are falling sick. Hell, maybe there's other weirdness in town that could be considered a coincidence but who knows! And now, there's medical curiosity as a motive to write his colleague who specializes in unusual diseases. Who would say yes both for love of his friend and because of professional interests.

It's obviously not as personal a motive but I think it could still work? It may need some tweaking though. Until I figure out the best way to make the ripple effects of Lucy leaving work for the rest of the story, it's all outlining and figuring out bits for now.

(and yes, Quincy still remembers what happened to his horse and brings that up, because it's relevant and he wanted to spend time with his bros.)

(....even without having the full long term plot I still want to write Lucy's letter to her mother and her first travel journal entry anyway.)

[gauri-vishalakshi]

Ratnavalli: a Magadheera meets Baahubali AU (Bhairava x OC)

In which Bhairava was promised to another since birth. In which he and Mithravinda never stood a chance because it just wasn't meant to be. In which everyone but him knew that he was always betrothed to a woman who wasn't the one he loved.

Ratnavalli has known two things were inevitable in her life. The first thing she knew was that since the moment she was born, she was thought of not as a daughter but as a burden. Ministers, soldiers, diplomats, hell, her own aunt and foster mother calculated how to tie her off into a marriage that bring at least some convenience to their kingdom. Ratna remembered nothing of her mother, the ill-fated dowager queen that had lost her life giving life to the burden of Mahishmati.

The only mother she had known seemed to consider the man who had been borne from the same womb as she greater and more brilliant than Ratna. But who was she tricking, her gem of a brother outshadowed even the most lustrous diamonds with his radiance. Not that she complained. Her brothers, Baahu and Bhalla, vowed as children to safeguard her, come what may, and never once had they backed down from that promise.

Another thing Ratna had known for what seemed like forever was that on her twentieth birthday, she would be married to a renowned warrior from the neighboring kingdom of Udaigarh. Bhairava, they said his name was. She heard the hubbub around her fiancé. Strong, brave, brilliant Bhairava. She also wasn't deaf to the murmurs. So why is he marrying the burden? Anyone who knew Ratna would know that she was true to her name. A pure, selfless gem of a person who was more talented than she let on. She had also, however, spent her life living a lie. That her fiancé knew he was marrying her.

---

Radhika doesn't know where she went wrong. One minute, she was getting on marvelously with her arranged fiancé, the next, someone named Indu is suddenly in the picture as her future husband animatedly describes some sort of "tingle" as his fingers brushed hers. Maybe Harsha doesn't realize Radhika grits her teeth at every mention of this supremely elusive Indu, or maybe he doesn't recognize that the "tingle" was the very reason she had initially agreed to the marriage.

She didn't know why or how, but the second she had first set eyes on the picture her mother had shoved in her face, she knew him. She knew the soulful eyes, the clever smile. Somehow she also acknowledged the invisibly silent grief and the guarded feelings, a wisp of an existence a lifetime ago. Every now and then, she would catch glimpses of a world that was not hers, tears in the fabric of time and reality as she saw herself and Harsha, though surely that could not be them. Occasionally, she even caught a sideways glance at the suspiciously chirpy woman who claimed to be Indu's friend, clad in the garb of erstwhile royalty, beautiful face marred by a furious expression of loss and longing. And in her nightmares, she saw herself, falling off the same cliff over and over again yet never hitting the bottom. But the more Radhika learned about the coexistence of their timelines, the less she wanted to know.

In which Ratnavalli and Radhika are the same person from two wildly different worlds, and the only anchor between their stories is the man they both love.

(a/n: This is actually such an ambitious thing to write omg should I do it?? I feel like I could have some fun with this *cackles* let me know!!)

[myvoide]

Eliazer [Part two? 🤨]

Yes! Eliazer has an AU counter part! Hes used for another one of my friends D&D camp and while they're the same person, their backstories and apperinces are different, This Eliazer is tweaked for my friends world since their logic works a bit different [looking at you @warriorblood1] Here he is anyway! [long post ahead much lore yes yes]

base by: rainbow-v-e-i-n-s on deviantart

For the sake of the post, and the fact i already have shown off OG Eliazer, this Eliazers nickname is Eli! [and if you havent seen the post, OG Eliazers nickname is just E lol]

I'll go ahead and list off their differences first becuase its easier and then get into detail about Elis spesific traits

Eli starts traveling a year or two before E does [yes i dont know their exact age sue me]

Eli had to actually die to "activate" his aasimar traits, so he died in the spell-explostion that E was merely burnt by!

Because Eli didn't know he was an aasimar/didnt get his traits until later in life, theyre still developing! hence the natural ginger hair turning white, the yellow eyes, and the smaller wings [this also means he cant control his wings super well and they react with his emotions and subconcious a lot more then E's do, so if he gets spooked his wings shoot out hehe]

Elis home town in now in the middle of Fuck All No Where: Woods edition

Instead of having A toxic goddess, he actually follows a goddess of the people, she loves and considers all her children! but he is in a loyalist town to a toxic empress who is dead... maybe.... ill talk more about this later

Eli's patner is a fire genasi! [rip krevin] and Eli just doesnt know whats happened to him! i dont even know whats happened to him! he could be dead! sadly i dont intend on showing the fire genasi off, even though he has a super cool character design, because when i first made his design it was with this chibi base and while the base works for average people with minimal character traits to their physique [and to quickly get character design out of the way] it doesnt for someone whos supposed to be pretttttttty buff,,, so im gonna try to find better bases so i can learn from them like i do now!

Wow! thats all i can really think of? there are other small things like Eli isnt as flirty or sexually active as E or that Eli snuck out of his home town without telling anyone thats all pretty low on the level of importance

the biggest thing to say is that Elis hammer is a courting gift from his lost lover since hes a weapon smith and that his cloak is stolen from his mother when he snuck out at night

Anywho! the summary of his story issss,,, Eli spent a lot of his time in the woods surrounding his village becuase he was an outcast, he may not have been an aasimar at the time but he showed excelent signs of being a good healer so two of the priestesses started teaching him the way of his goddess and some healing spells and other religous things. this pulled him out of school from a young age so he never learned to read or write. he also blindly followed everything that was told to him, making everyone else in the town think he was incredibly nieave and gullable and kinda outcasting him more.

When Elis lost lover came to town he was completely foreign and not very welcomed, no one wanted to hang around a fire genasi in the middle of the woods. But Eli, having learned to treat everyone equally and with kindess from his goddess, encouraged the towns people to just let him stay a few nights.

and then a few nights turned into a year or so, Eli and his love definently had some kinda of relationship but it was never difined, they just lived day to day and while his love tried to make hints for Eli, Eli didn't really catch on. But near the end of Elis beginning his love kind of opened his eyes? made him question his loyalty to a empress hes never seen. hell his love mentioned a war but Eli has never ever heard of this war.

this is great of course because then the rebles attack his village to try and make sure the loyalists dont try and,,,,,,, kill more people lmfao ANYWAY Eli ends up questioning his whole life after waking up as an aasimar and in a state of panic and paranoia he flees to just literally anywhere and now hes with his life long destiny friends so thats great

the next session will be this saturday im so excited bc sometimes its voiced and i get to do a silly russian accent, this session will be over text but like! now i dont have to focus on maintaining the accent so yippe!

[palerinnegan]

About This Blog

CW: Will talk about sexual content and dark content(not in detail but in passing). Minors, do not interact as stated in the banner and bio. Also, I rant here, if you get ticked by my tone that's fine. If I want the freedom to rant and state my dislike, so do you.

Welcome, palerinnegan's the name. I have been out of the writing scene for a long minute, but I've been fed up recently with being unable to find content for the shows/games that I like. As a cherry on top, when I do find content, it hasn't been updated in years, doesn't interest me, or, my biggest pet peeve, has the dreaded dArK cOntEnT tag on it.

In fact, small rant incoming, that bothers me so much. No shade, but when kinks that I like have to be attached to SA and non-con, I get quite ticked. Femdom, msub, and many other kinks considered gross or weird is best when consensual. Hell, if you can't write your favorite character being a nasty little freak with some dirty ass kinks and fetishes while still being a person who values consent, that's weird as hell. Rant over though.

Before you follow

I will sometimes write dark content myself, but I hold the strong opinion that if you can't make a character compelling or a situation dark without rape, then you need to go back to the drawing board. So my dark content will usually focus on mental illness, deep trauma, and violence.

I will always tag if my content is dark, as well as have a very big warning straight up if my content has non-con, which let's be real here, rape. I do not speak for all on my feelings with dark content. If you enjoy that, great, you do you. However, we like to clown over here, and if I want to be able to complain, then I give the same right to others.

I also write yanderes, but find myself very bored with the same old psycho who doesn't actually love you and forces what they want on you, or aka, hot take incoming, a horror antagonist, not a yandere. My yanderes will be very much focused on the love part. As you can probably tell, I believe that just because it's extreme, doesn't mean it has to be dark. If you like your yanderes dark and rough, this is not the place for you.

Fandoms I write for

Naruto if that wasn't clear enough by my theme.

Persona/Shin Megami Tensei

Death Note not very often.

Black Bulter very rarely, unfortunately.

Fortnite, as a joke, but not because GAT DAM Hades be looking fine this season.

Overlord

Invincible, because Nolan is testing my patience.

Legend Of Zelda

Solo Leveling

And quite a few others, or really whatever I hyper-fixate on that week.

About Me

Call me Pale or Rinne

I am in my 20s and this is an 18+ blog. Have your age, at least the range, in your bio or pinned post. I recognize that people can lie, and people may not be comfortable sharing, but to be as safe as possible, please do so. I can only ask, for any minor reading, PLEASE do not interact with my content that is marked 18+

Do not share personal information here. Obviously, Pale/Rinne is not my real name and I will not share personal information about my life beyond very broad strokes. I don't feel comfortable with doing so, please respect that. My pronouns are also not the ones I go by in real life, but the ones I prefer when online. So, while technically any pronouns are fine, I would like it if you used the ones here.

I count personal information to be anything that can be used to find out who you are outside of an online space. Meaning, your full legal name, your specific location (town, city, state, country), pictures of your current residence, etc. I beg you, practice online safety, please.

He/Him, They/Them.

[vaudeville-venom]

3/4AM — O3-12-2O24 : RANT / RAMBLE ﹐🪶 ˖ overview: im tired of tiktok, want to move to other social media platforms. want to start blogging / journaling on tumblr and love the idea of others doing the same and find it interesting. want to redo my intro post really bad (i bring it up alot.) i want to have the 'average highschool experience', feel alone then ramble about my life a bit. talk about how i am rambling and how i dont expect anyone to read it. im tired of having a fucked up sleep schedule and being unstable. then an ending note talking about journaling on tumblr again, moodboards, the fucking intro post again, and want to work on a tagging system. (im really fucking tired oh my god)

[ me-core / aesthetic of my brain atm ] : images frm Pinterest

im really debating on just leaving tiktok for now, the algorithm fucking sucks especially right now. its boring as fuck and im not even seeing stuff of my interests or my mutuals ☠️ its all the same 3 god damn audios of content i wouldnt ever like want or expect to see??? ive mentally wanted to stop using shit like tiktok and move to using tumblr more and other sites like spacehey and stuff. i really need to redo spachey too. because while tumblr still has an algorithm ofc its alot less addicting and doesnt absolutely wreck your attention span like tiktok has for me. i feel like not using tiktok other than for occasional posts and sending things to / receiving things from friends would make me a bit more productive as well as being better for me mentally. while it wont magically cure me from any mental illness itll make me feel better and probably help my stress a bit.

i really love the idea of using a tumblr blog to post whatever i want and like use as a digital diary of some kind,, its super fun imo. i had an old acc but it felt like more of a chore to keep up with so now it’s abandoned. speaking of that blog i may make a post being like “hey, im [here] now!!” because i had some neat mutuals there. i think its really neat to see people post about their day and share things they like and reblog everything that catches their eye yk! that may just be a me thing.

i want to redo my intro post a bit, because idk im a bit unhappy with it. (dont be surprised if i edit it mid-writing this or before i post this..) i really love to write but i havent had much motivation at all. i typically love researching my interests and taking notes on them but recently i havent been able to no matter how much i want to, maybe this diary / blogging kind of thing will help me get back on my feet with that :)

i really dont have a ‘yearning’ for anything at the moment, besides having the experience of like everyone else my age. idk how (hahaha) corny that may sound but like for background, im online schooled due to mental and physical disabilities, i dont have many friends online or in person, i rarely see anyone, and i live with my dad and see my mom sometimes and dont really have family outside of that. the family i do have i dont get along with very well or theyre distant (physically or emotionally.) the family i really consider is my dad, because hes always there for me, and my friend micah, but he lives like 9 hours away from me like a LOSER (ily bffie.) im a big believer on chosen family and he is that chosen family. ok i got sidetracked, what im saying is i have no social life really, dont have a place to get a social life (school), and cant really connect with people no matter how i try to. i want to live life like how i see in teen life films or tiktoks of people vlogging with their friends, hell id kill to even have an irl bestfriend to be around. i do have irl friends, and i do have close friends, but i dont see them often or have the personal connection of a mutual best-friend feeling. my dads probably my best friend but i need someone my age lmfao.

this post will be so long that no one will read it i garuntee but also i dont mind?? im not gonna spill my guts like someone wont read this but im not gonna act like i have a large audience. this will just be a nice thing to look back on and keep up unless i anxiously delete it whenever i look back on it (maybe in the morning)

im really tired of waking up at 3-4pm right now, but i cant sleep earlier than 5am no matter what i do. and if i manage to fall asleep at 2am or something i wake up an hour later or wake up at 4-5am panicking for some reason. i havent been to therapy in forever, my therapist is like not doing her job as well as id like and i have no doctor other than my pediatrician who doesn’t understand what im talking about ever!!

i just made this post and thats kinda what led to all of this ranting and wanting to write and shit. im sorta just tired of alot of social media and would love to find myself in other ways and use other forms of social media to share those things even though tumblr is a bit more dead than some things :) im gonna end this one here but if i write another tonight or early tomorrow (like the afternoon same day but it’s tomorrow to me) dont be surprised i love rambling to myself. now i think im going to make this post look cute, post it, redo my pinned intro, work on featured tags/a tagging system, then go from there ^^’

[spooki-ghoztzz]

your the only fanfic maker who is my go-to anytime i need anything like shitt bro. ok anywasy.

aage regressing reader..,…x michael…….

reader has like clothes at the bottom of their closet and michaels like ok weird whtever clean ur closet obozo and under it is just shoeboxes with fucking LEGOS AND STUFFED TOYS AND SHIZ 😋 michael dznt. know but WALKS IN DURING WREGERESS ❤️❤️❤️❤️‼️‼️‼️❗️❗️

ij you do this fic then ill love u more than i already do /p

( tbh i've never written anything like this before but as someone who's an age regressor I feel..weird writing this? it ain't out of my comfort zone but I hope u enjoy this!! [and no this just means i’ve never and i mean never wrote anything like this] )

[yes,i’m putting a TW in case people just don’t read, if age regression/little space makes you uncomfortable don’t read.]

- ima start of with headcannons then onto the fic!

so,michael is a calm dude when he first finds out..hell people gotta cope with life somehow and yours is just going into a space where you feel young again. tbh he’s also a great caregiver. he’s patient with you and tries his best to understand what you need and what will comfort you in the moment. he may even play with you if you asked him to.

he’s sweet about it!! if you ever end up regressing around him he’s happy you trust him enough to even do that type of stuff around him. he’s a calm person to be around so if you end up regressing around him he’s..just sweet.

but he’s also paranoid about it,yes he hates feeling like a ‘dad’ figure. (also making up for that,he enjoys when you call him mikey,,)

michael always buys you new things on his way to work or from work. you want a new plush? he’s gonna find one he hopes you like. he’s the same way with toys or simple things like blankets,clothes..(he’d always go for comfy clothes and blankets though,fuzzy blankets and loose clothes)

michael also won’t care to feed you,help you bathe..tbh he’s relaxed about it as i said. he’s always gonna see you as his amazing no matter what you do to cope or simply to feel comfortable. you’re his amazing s/o after all.

he enjoys drawing with you or putting legos together. he likes to draw you little drawings,always happy to see your smiling face as you ramble on about how much you love the drawing of a fluffy dog he did. he helps you build lego builds as a small activity to pass time plus he finds it enjoyable.

he also uses small nicknames for you such as ‘dear’ or ‘honeypie’ when you’re in little space. he’s always so sweet to you plus he enjoys how you always use silly nicknames for him but his favorite is when you call him ‘mikey’ or ‘mike’.

as i said before,he won’t care to feed or bathe you. if you’re very picky about food he’d ask you if you’d like to join him at the store so you could pick out the things you like or even the bathing products you prefer. tbh he spends all his money on you but he’s happy-

michael had been helping you clean up your room since you had asked him to,considering it was his day off he agreed to it..he had nothing better to do after all. he had moved onto your closet and once finding the stuffed toys and toys in general,he didn’t think much of it. he’s an adult and he has plenty of them shoved in his closet from childhood so he assumed that till you told him. once you started to tear up over explaining it to him he wrapped his arms around you. “y/n,i really don’t care what you do..love,i’d rather you be comfortable in your own skin and not stressed. now,how about we sort out all these toys,yeah?” you nodded to his question,sitting down with him. as you two sorted out the stuffed animals you always told michael the names you gave them which made him smile softly..as much as he hated plushies due to his childhood it’s nice seeing you happy again.

[glassprism]

What do you think about Erik being queer-coded/interpreted as queer by fans?

For context, I am queer myself, and I grew up in an environment where it was... not really accepted, let's say, so I'm not going off of stereotypes here. It's true; he does live in a theatre, he's dramatic as all hell, and he can put an outfit together like nobody's business, but this goes a bit deeper for me.

Throughout his whole life, Erik was told that he was a monster because of the way he was born. This, combined with the abhorrent treatment he received because of his difference pushed him so far from humanity that he ceased to feel human at all. Although that 'difference' is his physical deformity and not sexuality, the parallels are there- he's been forbidden from loving because of that difference as well. I'm not saying that gay people are all completely alienated from society, but being treated as strange, dangerous or inhuman can have an effect on you.

When he sings about being "Hounded out by everyone, met with hatred everywhere," it strikes a chord with me. I've never been chased by an angry mob, but it's all too easy for me to imagine what he's been through because of my experiences. I wonder if there are other fans who feel the same way.

I'd think that many fans have actually felt the same way as the Phantom, again not to the extremes that of the Phantom's experiences, but the feeling of being outcast, shunned, different. It's part of why the Phantom's story has such universal appeal - probably everyone knows the feeling of not being accepted because of their gender, sexuality, race, culture, nationality, disability, and so on.

So no, I certainly don't have any problems with the Phantom being interpreted as queer or queer-coded, just like I've never had any problems with the Phantom being interpreted or coded as, say, neurodivergent, of being a person of color, of having a mental illness (on top of a physical disability), and so on. You can certainly argue too that many people who fall into those categories have been forbidden or at least found it difficult to have romantic relationships, as you consider, say, how people who are neurodivergent have difficulties socializing in ways considered acceptable by people who are neurotypical, how they and people who have physical disabilities, mental disabilities, etc. are often infantilized and seen as inherently non-sexual or asexual, the fact that miscegenation laws existed in the US up until the 1960s, and in the most extreme cases, the eugenics program and sterilization programs that specifically targeted those who were poor, disabled, or people of color.

Which is not to say that people who are LGBT+ have had it easier or something, simply that they are one of many groups who have found something relatable in the Phantom's story, and that interpreting the Phantom as such is just one of many ways of doing so, one of many ways of fandom interacting with a story in a way that includes their own personal experiences. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen people writing posts about how they personally see the Phantom as autistic, as having PTSD, about how the casting of actors of color in the role adds more to the Phantom's story, and so on, and I don't see why interpreting him as LGBT+ and/or queer is any different.

Potentially my only caveat about it is not assuming that this is intentional on the part of Leroux, ALW (ha), or any other creators - meaning that I doubt that they intended for the Phantom to be canonically a person or color, or to be neurodivergent, or LGBT+, and so on. This is mainly because I've seen people who have assumed so, and therefore attributed more, er, "wokeness" to creators than they may actually have had, and also because sometimes people will assume that their interpretations are now canon and will go after others who disagree. At the end of the day, these are interpretations, headcanons if you will, not canon - but that should not make them any less valid for you.

[likeadog]

I have a question about your gabriel oc. Is he the same gabriel as the archangel gabriel that sent the message about jesus being born? If so how does that timeline work

im so glad you asked because i can talk about important eschaton lore

enter: The Iterations (name pending may change it later)

certain classes of angels and demons experience Iterations, and this is why the names they take on are considered Titles, not true names. Gabriel's name in life (and for people close to him) is Rubén Erendirani Cuini Dominguez (or just Ruben Cuini, in informal writings--i managed to solidify his backstory after i posted his sheet haha). As I've stated before, he's an ascended human soul, like all archangels.

the demon Princes are also Iterations, but iterations are different between the princes and the archangels, so ill talk about them separately

he's not the gabriel that performed the Annunciation of Christ. that gabriel has retired. In my angel post, i mentioned that most angels have a natural lifespan, and at the end of that (whenever it may be), they begin to "crumble", as it helps phase out old ideas and make room for new ones. The archangels are similar. While some are much older than others, the balance of newer spirits and older spirits is important for their work, so Gabriel is simply the latest spirit to be promoted to the role of Gabriel, not one continuous spirit that's existed for millennia. Those that are phased out don't die-- they simply move on to the afterlife.

the demon princes are also iterations, but they're not human souls. Instead, they work on a reincarnation-esque cycle, and maintain their memories from their past iterations, although their personalities and appearances may change. only the princes of hell and the archduke of limbo do this, though-- other demons are simply "born".

[neversetyoufree]

I read the vanitas manga it's feels like queer bait to me, so many straight kisses but no gay ones? Vanitas & noe dancing is just more bait, Luna is a genderless vampire (non human) and that's it, everything else is bait just like the creator's last work

I've seen other blogs getting similar asks, so to be honest, I suspect that this isn't being sent in good faith. However, on the off-chance that this is a genuine question, or that anyone reading this has similar concerns, I'll try my best to answer this properly.

1. VnC is still a work in progress. Literally anything could happen before the ending, including canon queer people, and given the subtext we've seen so far, there's a part of me that's hopeful for it. If there were ever a shonen manga with a chance to give us legitimate rep among major characters, I feel this could be the one. I'm not going to say that just because a series so far hasn't had any explicit queer relationships, it never will.

I mean hell, just look at the show Hannibal. It's a gay love story, but the main characters spend the first season and a half getting romantically involved with a woman. One of them even gets straight married. These things happen, y'know? And even if we never see a kiss or anything, that doesn't mean something can't still be rep in a meaningful way.

2. As I've said before, even if we never do get more explicit representation than we have right now, this series will still be a very welcoming one to queer people in a way that I think is important. There is a lot of casual, subtle homophobia in the world of fiction, and VnC has had every opportunity to fall into those tropes, but it never does, and I think that's worth something in itself.

I think it’s valuable that we get to see a woman flirting with other women, and the joke isn’t “haha gay girls, that’s weird.” The only joke is how flustered the girls she flirts with get, because Domi is charming and forward. I think it’s valuable that we can see a couple of dudes dancing together, and nobody makes a thing out of it. There’s no commentary about how it looks gay. Neither guy is uncomfortable. They just. ballroom dance, and it’s fine. This may be hard to articulate well, but even if we never get Vanoé romance, and there’s nothing gay about that scene, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still feel queer. I think the more we get to see that kind of casual same sex intimacy, whether it ends up romantic or platonic, the more welcoming the world becomes to actual gay people, because it does a lot to normalize that kind of interaction. So while you may disagree, I think that scene has a lot of worth.

3. I don’t know where you’re from, anon, but personally, I am pretty uncomfortable accusing MochiJun of queerbaiting, because I come from a wildly different cultural context. I am a whole-ass American, and though there are some especially obvious cases that I’ve joked about in the past, I am not qualified to try and have an actual educated discussion about queerbaiting in Japanese media. I’m not educated enough about gay rights and culture there. I don’t know what actual Japanese queer people would and would not consider good rep. I don’t know what issues people there are concerned with.

Plus, like, queerbaiting is a marketing tactic more than anything else. The issue comes from when you try to lure in an audience by signaling that your work is queer, then double back on that promise. It is entirely possible, though rare, perhaps, for an author to write something full of goddamn subtext without fully intending to do that. For a famous example, just look at the original Sherlock Holmes (the books, not the BBC show). A lot of people have read queerness in Sherlock and his relationship with Watson over the years (and funnily enough, Noé and Vani were conceived of as a Holmes and Watson relationship), but I’m not about to accuse Arthur Conan Doyle of queerbaiting, y’know? I’m not convinced that Mochijun has ever tried to hook people in under a false promise/suggestion of rep, which is what the real issue would be.

So like, without a better knowledge of Japanese queer culture/representation and a closer understanding of Mochijun’s own intentions with this series, “bait” is not an accusation I feel either of us should be making, anon.

4. It’s been a while since I last read the series, so perhaps I’m forgetting something, but I am legitimately racking my brain trying to figure out what in Pandora Hearts you’d consider queerbait, and I am coming up empty. The series doesn’t really have any representation in it, but it never tried to suggest that that wouldn’t be the case, and I cannot remember anything that ever toed the line of getting gay. If you’d like to tell me what exactly you mean when you say “just like the creator’s last work,” please feel free, because I am genuinely rather confused.

And if this was, in fact, a bad-faith ask rather than someone legitimately concerned or confused, then it is at this point I’d like to ask you to politely fuck off and please stop messaging people. As I said, I’ve seen at least one other person get a very similar message to this, which makes me suspect that you, anon, might be the same asker, which is honestly quite sad. Do you genuinely have nothing better to do with your time than try to make random strangers on the internet feel bad about the things they like? Is making ill-informed accusations of queerbaiting fun for you? Get a hobby bud.

[3wisellamas]

(Spoilers ahead! Read at your own risk if you haven't finished chapter 2 yet!)

Kris is the Knight, Gaster is the Knight, Ralsei is sus...

How about I throw an oddball one at you? What if Dess is the Knight?

In chapter 2, Queen implied that only a Lightner can actually create more dark fountains, and literally any Lightner can if they have enough determination and a blade of some kind. And she was VERY interested in Noelle specifically for the task, touting her strength and potential, without even considering the other three Lightners right in front of her.

Noelle was Dess' younger sister. And from context in this chapter, it looks a lot like whatever happened to her, happened when Noelle was very young -- before her first spelling bee, at least, since that's where she froze up (pun not intended) on the word 'December.' But, the most important part, we don't know WHAT exactly happened to Dess. One could assume she died, either in an accident or of whatever illness Rudy has, but as others have pointed out, there's no grave for her in the graveyard. And, like, yeah, she could've been buried elsewhere, but the simplest conclusion to draw from that is that she's still alive, but either went missing or ran away from home.

She was also stated a couple times to be close to Asriel, even going to the bunker with him, Kris, and Noelle at one point. (Remember, the latter two would still have been very young children at this point, and Dess and Asriel might have been teens, around the age Kris, Noelle, and Susie are now.) And from that one scene with MK and Snowy, we know that something very bad happened there once involving Kris...perhaps this was a reference to that same event?

If so...what if the four of them opened the bunker, and Dess went inside? Or maybe Kris even went in too, and Dess went after them to bring them back? It's pretty much a given that there's gonna end up being a Dark World inside, there's just too much building up to it at this point, so if either of them went in, they'd have a hell of a time getting back out! Kris came back, perhaps even traumatized into the weird kid they are today from the experience, but Dess ended up lost in the dark...a lost girl.

(Hm, wasn't that Noelle's song? I don't think it was really Noelle's at all. Sure, she got kidnapped a couple times, but at no point was she ever "lost"...)

So, here's where I'm going right off the deep end into conjecture. Dess disappeared, and since Asriel was so close to her, he begged his father, police chief Asgore, to find her, which he never did, and might have even tried a few things that ended up getting him fired. Like, maybe even going into the bunker himself, experiencing the Dark World within, and coming back and making all these crazy claims that no one else believed except for maybe his children? That'd definitely be reason to remove him as chief of police, and also affect his and Toriel's marriage.

So, after this, Asriel, a Lightner stricken with grief and Determined to find his friend...went to the dark supply closet at his school, armed with a knife (and maybe his little sibling's old red horn headband, if you want to incorporate the theory that that's where Ralsei came from), and stabbed the ground.

Bam, dark fountain, and Ralsei's kingdom. Unlile Dess, though, Asriel came back, not having found her either, and eventually moved on and grew up, but the fountain he made persisted -- after all, while any Lightner may be able to create a fountain, Ralsei implies very early in chapter 1 that only a human like Kris can actually SEAL them!

But, this is a theory about Dess, not Asriel. Just making one fountain might make you a knight, but not The Knight -- lookin' at Kris here. At some point, Dess, still lost somewhere in the Dark World, either gets desperate to find a way out and return home, enough to try and cover EVERYTHING in darkness despite the danger it poses, or...grows to like it there, a little too much, sorta like what Susie brought up at the end of chapter 2, making more fountains so the whole world can be as fun as it is in there. Whatever the reason, Dess realizes she can create more fountains, and, Determined, goes ahead and does so. And she spends a little time in each of the worlds she creates, manipulating events to serve her desires to reach the Light World again or cover it in darkness, and even telling a few specific people, who are lonely outcasts just like her, about her home outside of that world, and the things she's learned in her time away from it all. Things she may or may not have learned herself from a certain odd man hiding behind trees in secret rooms, and giving away eggs...

Or, another possibility, she's doing it all to try and lure the people she used to know to her by creating Dark Worlds where she thinks they'd be, like, say, her sister, and her sister's friend Kris, and possibly even Asriel -- remember, the first happened to be straight-up connected to the Dark World in the school supply closet. Man, it's 2021. We ALL know just how crazy being isolated from everyone you know for so long can make you, and Dess has been lost for YEARS. But, however lost we feel as we explore all the different Dark Worlds, don't forget, she's with us in the dark...

Also, one last kicker that I couldn't really stop thinking about. The Fun Gang/F$?! Squad/Whatever are supposed to banish the "Angel's Heaven", right? Well, didn't Dess and Noelle make an angel for their dad once, which is in his hospital room? And if everyone speculates she's dead after being missing for all these years, that makes her an Angel...and the Dark Worlds she creates are her Heaven.

Okay, one last LAST kicker, since I was replaying the start of chapter 1 as I was writing this and noticed it. The Knight jailed the other three kings of the classroom Dark World and put King Spade and his "strange son" into power, right? And might have even stayed around the castle for a little while to help steer the King's actions towards the Light World, and mess with Jevil?

Guys, Lancer knows the Knight. Personally. He would have said something by now if the Knight was in our party, or if we encountered them in either of the Dark Worlds we visited. So, the Knight is definitely NOT someone we've seen yet. Furthermore...remember when we first met the kid, and his catchphrase was "Ho ho ho!" And how Susie told him he sounded like a baby Santa Claus? Wouldn't it be a nice little coincidence if he picked that up from someone literally named December, whose entire family is Christmas-themed...

[consulting-mage]

Hi I don’t do a lot of writing and I post even less of it but cause of how small the angels fandom is I’m just gonna. Drop this here :3

Fandom: Angels in America

Pairings: Louis/Prior

Warnings: uhhh nothin off the top of my head. Talk of death and dealing with grief, hospitals

Synopsis: rewrite of the scene where Louis walks out on Prior at the hospital, but this time he stays. Plus a lot of Louis related introspection cause I don’t see it a lot and I have a lot of feelings about his character

2,163 words

The last few hours felt like a blur. Louis couldn’t quite remember what happened between calling the ambulance and how he had gotten to the hospital, but when he asked a few minutes ago, the nurse told him it was one in the morning. He wanted, no, needed, everything to stop, just for a moment. Just one moment so he could think clearly. Nothing felt real, and yet the painful sourceless ache in his chest told him otherwise

Louis always knew this was coming. He’d been with Prior to visit some old friends over the past few months and it was always the same story.

The exact same story Louis was living right now. Except it wasn’t a story. Prior was dying and there was nothing he could do but watch.

It felt like some elaborate performance at this point. He had seen it done before; one man laying in bed dying, another by his side, silent, stoic, and honest but reserved. Louis only wished he had half the strength he’d seen in others in order to play the part. How was he supposed to sit here and act like he was ready to lose the love of his life. Just the thought of it caused the ache in his chest to grow unbearably so, squeezing at his chest in a way that prevented him from taking a full breath.

Maybe everyone felt like this, and he was just terrible at hiding it. Prior always told him he was a terrible actor.

It wasn’t fair, Louis thought, that he felt this painfully. It was Prior who’s body was a festering ground for infection and disease. It was Prior who was on oxygen and hooked up to IV fluids and 10 other tubes doing only god knows what.

It was Prior, who when death came knocking, fought kicking and screaming to stay alive.

So why did Louis, who’s heart pumped blood uncontaminated by illness, felt as though he would fall apart, limb from limb, and decay into nothing. He wanted to vanish from here, from Prior, from this whole f//ucking situation. He wanted to run away and leave Prior to whatever fate he may have, because even that would hurt less than being here, in this moment, waiting. What the f//uck was wrong with him.

Maybe it was a good thing Prior was sick and not him. He’d just die, save everyone the heartbreak of watching him actively decay. But Prior had a way of sticking with things… Prior still had a chance simply because he was Prior, illness be dammed.

Louis tried to hold onto that thought. Each beep of the heart rate monitor proved that. But after each beep came that dreaded silence that Louis feared would go on forever. In a way, it would be easier if it just stopped. If everything just stopped. Eventually the hurt would fade. But each beep afterwards brought with it another even stronger wave of hurt and fear of the next never arriving.

Louis pressed his fingers into his eyes hard enough that he saw stars, and then released. There was the smallest hope that when he opened them, he’d be back in bed with Prior pressed against him. But he was still here in the cold white room lit by artificial light from overhead.

Maybe he had done something wrong in life, and this was his own personal hell. Maybe the moral majority was right, and this was the damnation that awated all homosexuals. It made him almost laugh to himself. If Prior heard him say that, he’d tell Louis he was being melodramatic. He probably was.

“He’ll be alright now” said the nurse. Her ID badge said Emily.

“No he won’t.” Louis said without a second thought. He considered for a second that it was maybe harsh, but he didn’t say anything further. No one could deny it was the truth.

Emily paused for a moment. “No. I guess not. I gave him something that makes him sleep.”

“Deep sleep?”

“Orbiting the moons of Jupiter”

“A good place to be.” Louis stood up and walked to Priors bedside and rested his hand on his forehead. He was still burning up, but the drugs allowed for him to rest for now, which brought Louis some comfort.

“Anyplace better than here. You his… uh…?” Emily trailed off.

“Yes. I’m his uh.” There was another pause. The air in the room was stagnant with death, causing the silence to feel incredibly loud

“This must be hell for you.”

That made Louis laugh. It wasn’t sincere, but a cold, dry, bark. “It is. Hell. The After Life.” Louis pulled forward the chair that was near the bed and placed it close enough that prior was in arms reach of him. He sat down, took priors hand, and squeezed it. “Which is not at all like a rainy afternoon in March, by the way, Prior. A lot more vivid than I expected. Dead leaves, but the crunchy kind. Sharp, dry like the air. The kind of long luxurious dying feeling that breaks your heart.” Prior was fast asleep, but Louis could hear his boyfriend fein annoyance. ‘Always so dramatic Louis. You use far too many words to explain something not nearly as complicated as you make it. You overthink everything, even death.’

Seconds passed. “Yeah well, we all get to break our hearts on this one. He seems like a nice guy. Cute.” Emily replied sincerely as she adjusted the IV bags.

“Not like this.” Louis paused. “Well. Yes. He is. Was. Whatever.” He looked over Prior, his eyes pausing on his hand which he held tightly in his own, delicate and soft. There was still some cracked nail polish on his fingers, and they were well moisturized, a bedtime ritual Prior would never forget to do even thouthe he felt like s//hit. Louis felt tears prick at the corner of his eyes and his heart ached. He would do anything to rewind the clock a few hours back. Prior moisturizing his hands as Louis prattled on about the American monolith. As usual, prior didn’t understand, or even really care, but he listened, and his eyes were full of love and adoration for the passion Louis had on the subject.

“Weird name. Prior Walter. Like, ‘the Walter before this one.” Emily’s voice broke through Louis’s thoughts, just in time to catch himself before he started crying.

“Ohhh, lots of Walter’s before this one” A small, sad smile pulled at the corner of his mouth as he said it. “The Walter’s go back to the Mayflower and beyond. Back to the Norman Conquests. He says there’s a Prior Walter stitched into the Bayeux tapestry.”

“Is that impressive?”

Louis opened his mouth to reply, but took a moment to consider. “Well…. It’s old. Very old. Which in some circles equals impressive.”

“Not in my circle. What’s the name of the tapestry?”

“The Bayeux tapestry. Embroidered by La Reine Mathilde.”

“I’ll tell my mother, she embroiders. Drives me nuts.”

“Manual therapy for anxious hands.”

“Maybe you should try it.”

All the while, Louis had loosened his grip on Prior’s hand and was now rubbing his thumb over the bumps of his veins. He looked at Prior with a newfound yearning. The longing for everything to stop had lessened in Louis, and was now replaced with an intense need for Prior to open his eyes and tell him that everything would be ok.

Louis cringed. How selfish.

Prior was right, he was always the one comforting him. Even now, with Priors body giving out, Louis still wanted Prior to comfort him. Normally it was thoughts like this that lead Louis to further self loathing, but what made reconsider was knowing that Prior would still comfort him. Even half alive, Prior would cup his cheek, kiss him, and tell him not to worry. That it would be ok, no matter how untrue it was. His deep brown eyes were so earnest that Louis would have to believe him. ‘You’re thinking too much again baby. Keep telling me about…. What ever it was you were.’ Louis heard his sing-song voice in his head like a bittersweet melody, and looked at Priors closed eyes. He looked peaceful. Beautiful. Divine.

Even now Prior was still saving him from himself

Louis’s voice shook when he finally brought himself to talk again.

“Yknow, Mathilde stitched while William the Conqueror was off to war. She was capable of… more than loyalty. Devotion.

She waited for him, she stitched for years. And if he had come back broken and defeated from war, she would have loved him even more. And if he had returned ugly, full of infection, and horror, she would have loved him; fed by pity, by a sharing of pain, she would love him even more, and even more, she would have never have prayed to God, please let him die if he can’t return to me whole and healthy and able to live a normal life… If he had died, she would have buried her heart with him.

So what the f//uck is the matter with me?”

Louis felt his throat tighten as he tried to hold back a sob.

“I never understood it, yknow? I always figured you had to take action. Not sit— or be trapped, or stuck…. paralyzed by—“ his breath hitched again, cutting him off. “Even if it’s hard, or really terrifying, or even if it does damage to everyone and everything you love, you have to keep moving forward instead of just… sitting around, feeling like s//hit. If I just kept moving— well…. I don’t know. I always thought I was moving towards something— and I couldn’t stop or else I’d never make it there. But I think… I think I just run away. My whole life has only ever been running away. Even now, I want to leave— walk away from it all. I’m scared of what would happen if I don’t. It’s just—… it’s not fair. He shouldn’t have to die. He shouldn’t..” Louis put his hand over his mouth and pressed his eyes shut, his chest and shoulders shaking at the effort it took to break down right there.

‘What are you so scared of Louis. The world will still go on, with or without me in it— Well, the world will have to manage at the very least— But you act like I’m already gone. You are so hung up on what’s fair and just, but I don’t think that’s fair to either of us.’ He could hear Prior’s words again in his head. They’ve had this conversation before. Partially at least. Louis stopped it a few seconds later and excused himself to the bathroom to cry.

The memory brought pain, and with pain, the urge to walk out. To leave. To run away, like he did with all his problems. Anything that caused him anguish could be fixed if he put enough distance between it and himself.

But Prior was right. He was always right.

It hurt terribly, but Louis stayed seated next to the bedside, gripping his boyfriend's limp hand in his own. F//uck. He couldn’t do this without Prior, and more importantly, Prior couldn’t do this without him…. or whatever it was he saw in him. Some idealized Louis that he knew he could never live up to, but he could try.

The hurt Louis felt, the gaping empty, hole in his chest— it wouldn't get better miraculously by running. It never did, but he was always able to bury those feelings. He couldn’t bury Prior. Not like that anyway. He wouldn’t. Even if it meant dying inside himself, dying with Prior, he would stay.

With this decision, the world didn’t end like Louis was prepared for it too. The present finally caught up with him, and he realized that he was able to breathe again. Maybe there still a was a chance that things would be ok, just like Prior always said they would. Ok subjectively— ok as in Prior living.

‘Oh Louis, don’t be so optimistic. It’s weird, and you’re bad at it. Just be here. That’s what love is, right?.’ He could hear Prior say. Something like that, Louis thought back.

For the first time in Louis’s life, he let his anguish wash over him. After all, once all the anguish was gone, all that was left was Prior, still with him now.

Yes, Prior may be dying, but he wasn’t dead.

Louis put his head down on the bed, next to Priors chest. Emily didn’t say anything after, other than maybe something about coming in to check on him later, but that was it. The heart rate monitor continued its monotonous beeping through the night. Instead of filled with the dread, the fear, of another beep never coming, Louis was now focused on the hope each new beep brought, and with it, more life.

[sorryimanon]

Pairings: Bakugou Katsuki x fem!Reader, Izuku Midoriya x NB!Reader

Warnings: some angst, FLUFF, and our boys being the best boys.

In which they comfort you after a rough day or week

A/N: im sorry if Izukus section is shorter than Bakugou’s. trying to practice writing other characters. enjoy!

Saturday's are reserved strictly by the majority of the girls from class 1-A, leaving the guys to hibernate inside their dorms as they allow the commencement of girls night. You've never rain checked nor rejected the idea of spending  quality time with your friends, considering all the tribe's and trepidation's everyone has endured together during their time at the academy. It's nice to just strip away the stress and dip your toes in pure relaxation.

Unfortunately, you woke up with a bad case of cloudy thoughts. For the past week you've been carrying the weight of dread, causing your mood to drastically change throughout the day. You'd be having a civil conversation with someone one minute and then the next minute you're completely irritated by their presence. You've tried to balance it out and fix it overnight with the regimes you researched on the internet. A new sleeping schedule, healthier diet, yoga, and even went to the extreme of writing in a journal. It was all so cut throat and prestigious, nothing close to your liking. Katsuki made fun of you for it one day when he snuck into your room and read the many inscriptions in your journal entries.

"This stuff reminds of Deku. Always shoving his nose in that stupid notebook of his," he didn't care much to hear your refutes about Izuku. "Anyways, what's with all this depressing shit you are writing? You don't really feel this way do you?"

You didn't give him a definite answer that day. Only a curt "no" and he resumed rambling about his day like nothing happened, having you listening with his voice like white noise going in one ear and out the other.

And that's how it went on throughout the duration of the prior week before Saturday.

Inside the confinement of your dorm, you made the rational decision to sleep in instead of attending classes. The chilling thoughts kept you up all night, never once allowing sleep to take full throttle. You tossed and turned around on your bed, unable to shut off your brain. So when you woke up in the peak of late afternoon, you weren't surprised to see the unread messages on your phone. All of them were from your explosive boyfriend.

King Explosion🤍: Oi you running late? Mr.Sleepy head is taking roll call

King Explosion🤍: y/n where tf r u?

King Explosion🤍: fine don't answer me ig

King Explosion🤍: are you at least coming down for lunch? i made curry last night and imma make you finish it

King Explosion🤍: fking hurry before dunce face eats it

King Explosion🤍: nvm he ate it 😐

Katsuki never intended for the message to be funny. He's probably blowing actual steams of smoke through his nostrils and ears while chasing kamanari amongst the halls. The comical imagery made you laugh harder. At least he made you crack a smile. You haven't shown any emotions let alone a hint of enthusiasm for tonight.

Maybe it'd be best to sit this one out.

"Hey, we're missing a person! Where's my y/n?" Mina asked after scanning the group of girls huddled around on the carpeted floor.

Momo shifted uncomfortably on the cushioned pillow she stole from the couch. "Y/N said she wasn't feeling too well to join us for tonight. Something about food poisoning and throwing up every hour."

In unison all the girls gasped, along with a concerned 'ribbit' from Tsuyu.

"Well I hope she gets to feeling better. I wouldn't want her to endure such sickness for much longer," Tsuyu croaked out.

Everyone in the circle agreed and promised to pay a visit later in the night to check on you.

On the fourth floor, Katsuki stared blankly at his phone, hands shaking due to the repressed anger he's been holding. Each of the messages he sent previously were all left on read, including the one he sent an hour ago asking if he could have a cuddle session with you before girls night. Yes, even an ill tempered guy such as him enjoys sappy shit like cuddling. After pacing back and forth in his room for a solid 5 minutes, he was now dead set on confronting you in front of your friends.

Katsuki made a beeline for the elevator and aggressively pressed the 1st floor button repeatedly in hopes it'll make the process go quicker. He reached the commons area in precision time, overhearing the girls giggle after someone suggested playing truth or dare. He towered over Uraraka's figure, casting a demonic shadow version of himself in the circle. Hagakure shrieked and clung onto Jirou.

"Where's y/n you extras?" He demanded, voice deafening the brunette under him.

"She didn't come tonight. She's in her dorm room sick," Jirou explained to him as she tried pry the invisible girl off her arm.

"Like hell she's sick!" Katsuki spun around quickly and retreated back to the elevator, mumbling obscenities under his breath. "She's going to pay for being so careless and irresponsible."

The commons room fell silent once the explosive blonde disappeared behind the doors of the elevator, all eyes searching each other in complete shock. Uraraka was the first to speak out of the small group.

“Should we warn y/n that Bakugou is coming for her?”

Jirou averted her gaze to the direction bakugou left off from, a ghost of a smirk spreading on her face.

“Nah. Knowing y/n, she can handle the asshole on her own.”

King Explosion🤍: can i come over? i wanna cuddle, i miss u

The text message kept flashing behind your eyes every-time you closed them - a sad image of Katsuki waiting impatiently for you to reply back with a heart or one of those unusual memes he unapologetically adores. You knew he’d be furious, no doubt about it, but you rationalized your decision and concluded it would be best to avoid your boyfriend like the plague till this undesired feeling dissipates. Katsuki doesn’t do well with people being emotional, let alone handle his own emotions for god’s sake.

Your own thoughts were interrupted by someone raping the outside of your door. The continuous knocks made your head spin, a painful sting ghosting back and forth between your eyes. Remembering back to an hour ago, you messaged one of the girls that you weren’t going to make it to tonight’s session. Surely they respected your wishes and continued on with their hangout? But you forgot about the one person who’s persistent and stubborn like a cat.

“I know you’re in there y/n! You may have fooled your idiotic friends with a lie, but you keep on forgetting you’re terrible at lying!” Katsuki hollers against the wood of the door, not once being considerate of those living above her.

He’s right. You’re absolutely horrible at making up excuses for yourself. Dating someone as intuitive as him will be the death of you.

“If there’s something going can you at least let me in? You can’t ignore me forever y/n.”

Again, he’s right.

You slipped out from the comfort of your bed and padded towards the door, mentally preparing for the blonde to scold you once he enters your room. What you weren’t prepared for was the tears swelling up in the ducts of his vermillion eyes - his hands clenched tightly into fists as he looked down at you. Your breathing hitched when his arm outstretched to rest on the door frame to keep his trembling body steady.

“What the hell y/n? Why the fuck have you been ignoring me?! Did I do something wrong?!” He asked, not caring about his current appearance.

You grab ahold of his other arm and absentmindedly started rubbing it affectionately, trying to coax him into calming down. “Katsuki no! You didn’t do anything wrong! Why would you think that?”

“Because dumbass, you’ve been distant this past week,” he paused, choking on his words. “Are...are you breaking up with me?”

Your eyes shot up instantly at his horrifying assumption. “Katsuki, if I tell you the truth, will you promise not to make things worse for me?”

He tilted his head in confusion, but nodded once you led him into your messy bedroom. Once inside, your boyfriend plopped down on your bed, watching intently as you anxiously bit down on your nails - a nervous habit you picked up at the beginning of the school year.

“I’ve been feeling weird lately. Ever since the beginning of last week. I don’t know how to describe it but, my brain is constantly feeding into my already negative state. Telling me things I know aren’t true but I’ve convinced myself they are. Almost as if a grey cloud is hovering above me,” tears were already starting to pour down your cheeks. “I just...I just feel so miserable and lonely and useless and irritated and- I’m so sorry for ignoring you. You probably want nothing to do with me after this!”

You manage to turn away from the sight of the blonde during your speech, ashamed of pouring out your emotions onto a person who disregards other peoples emotions and constitutes them as a quote on quote “pussy”.

From behind, you can hear faint shuffling nearing your already shaken up figure. A pair of muscular arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into a wall that could only be described as his own chiseled chest, doing the same as you did moments ago with his arm - lulling you to calm down a notch before he stared speaking.

“If you been feeling this way, why lie when I asked you a few days ago after reading your journal?”

“I know how you are, Katsuki. You get very uncomfortable when people talk about their feelings. So, why should I be any different?”

Your boyfriend suddenly maneuvers you around in the circle of his arms, shifting to where you’re now making direct eye contact with him. His gaze intense and unwavering.

“Because you’re my girlfriend? I don’t give a rats ass about any of these extras. When it comes to you, I’d make an exception for. I made that promise to myself when we first started seeing each other. So don’t think for a second that I’ll disregard your true feelings, dumbass.” He stepped a couple of inches backwards, ankles eventually hitting the bottom of your bed - making him fall and dragging you along with him. You landed on top of him, head still buried in the depths of his hard chest. The vibrations of his chuckle shook your whole body. Katsuki gently titled your head to be leveled with his, a red tint of blush painting his pallid cheeks.

“I’m being serious though. Don’t be afraid to come to me when things get tough, okay? I love you too much to see you like this.”

Next thing you knew your boyfriend stole your breath away by meshing his plump lips onto yours, hands snaking their way into your hair and carefully massaging it. By all means, you let him have his way with you by kissing the sadness away, tears puddling together cheek on cheek.

He let go eventually, pecking a quick chaste kiss on the side of your mouth before hauling you further into the bed. You settled on letting him spoon you, knowing how much he likes the feeling of your backside pressed against him, and the fruity aroma of your hair infiltrating his senses.

“I promise Katsuki,” you said after some time during the cuddle session.

He shifted in his spot, head placed firmly in the crook of your neck. “Promise what?”

“That I’ll come to you when these thoughts return again. I should trust you by now, and I need to not let these emotions ruin everything in my life. I love you that much.

Your confession swelled the very last evidence of Katsuki being a human being, his heart.

He smiled weakly to himself and nuzzled more into your shoulder, brushing his warm lips against the tender skin. “You better, dumbass.”

-

Today was just so exhausting, and the big fat 'D-‘ written in red ink on your final report was the icing on the cake. To make things even worse, Aizawa reminded the whole class before the exam that this was to determine wether or not if you'll be joining the training camp that'll commence the following winter break.

Hopefully this was one of your teacher's terrible deception tactics into making everyone do their absolute best, go plus ultra even. But to your dismay, he was indeed very serious of the matter this time.

It wasn't your fault, not entirely. You stayed up all night listening to another one of your boyfriends rambles, the conversation lasting till 2 am. Izuku grew worrisome and anxious ever since his encounter with a gruesome villain, thus resulting in him to pour his emotions out onto you. Poor baby kept mentioning the safety of All Might and you.

Solemnly, you left class and trailed back to your dorm room, wanting to ignore the jovial atmosphere inside the cramped room as everyone traded and talked about their scores.

Izuku noticed you leaving abruptly and got up from his desk to follow you behind, bidding a quick goodbye to his friends.

Your room was dark and dramatically colder than usual, a trickle of light threatening to pour in from the cascading sunset. You laid down on your stomach with one of your pillows propped on your head, in hopes to shield away anyone from seeing your ugly-crying face.

Too late because Izuku was already standing outside your dorm room, swaying back and forth on his feet while biting down harshly on his lip. He can hear your soft cries seeping through the door. He doesn't know why he's hesitating, he's your boyfriend after all.

Moments later you hear the acute sounds of someone knocking on your door, followed by the soft spoken voice of your green haired boyfriend.

"Baby? Can I come in? I-If that's okay with you I m-mean! It's alright if you need some space but you left class so early I figured something happened to you and I got really worried because you always wait for Iida and uraraka to walk us back to the dorms as a group and maybe it had something to do with what I was telling you last night-."

You crack the door just a smidge before fully opening it, revealing your bloodshot eyes and tear stained shirt to him. His breathing hitched once his eyes fixated on your disheveled state. 

"Can you comfort me? I need you right now Izuku," your voice cracked a little, throat still tight after the crying session.

His strong, lean arms wrapped around your body momentarily, encasing you into a bear hug. Hugs from Izuku were amazing, no exceptions. He placed a quick peck on the crown of your forehead.

"C'mon, let's get inside and snuggle. How does that sound?" he asked as he unwrapped himself and took your trembling hand, leading you back inside the dimly lit room.

Izuku laid you gently down on your side once reaching the bed, crawling alongside with you before  draping the covers over the both of you. His familiar hands snake around your waist and nudges you to roll over. You obliged and shifted your body to face his, sparkly green eyes staring straight at you.

"Tell me, what's wrong baby? Does it have to do with the recent exam?" his thumb started tracing delicate lines on your hips, your uniform long gone and now replaced with comfortable clothes instead.

"I failed Izuku...I did so terrible on the written exam. I kept falling in and out of sleep during the test that I didn't have time to finish the middle portion of it," you exhaled a shaky breath. "Who knows what'll happen on the practical. I'll probably fail that too...I'm such a failure compared to everyone."

Izuku grabbed the tender flesh of your cheeks and directed your vision to level with his. He looked angry and concerned.

"Don't say that y/n! You're not a failure! That exam doesn't determine wether or not if you're good enough to be a hero. I've seen you in action hun, and I know for a fact that you're possibly the most strongest person I've met in my lifetime! You're ambitious, smart, determined, and so freaking beautiful." He then kissed you tenderly on the lips, his eyes closing slightly due to the contact.

"So...freaking...beautiful." He whispers against your mouth.

His sentimental words were enough for you to push back the negativity and simply enjoy the intimate moment.

Izuku lifted his head away from your face to rest it against your temple. "You're going to do great things, okay? One failing grade isn't going to be the end of the world. Trust me sweetheart, I've had my fair share in failures during our time here in Yuuei. But look at me now, still standing."

You nuzzled more into his chest, tickling his chin with your hair. Faintly, you can hear the pitter patter of his heart beat bursting through his rib cage.

"Would you love me even if I was a horrendous looking-failure?" you were clearly teasing him, but sometimes Izuku became dense when it came to that.

"Y/n! W-Why would you ask that! Of course I would you dummy! I'd love you no matter what."

This time you return the favor and kiss him, knowing how to easily fluster him in seconds. He whimpers into your mouth at the sudden contact and cups your jawline affectionately.

The two of you stayed like that till the moon shone through the balcony curtains, illuminating your skin in a dusty glow.

Lips bruised and swollen red, you laid lifelessly in his arms, letting him wove his scarred fingers through your hair. Izuku would occasionally stop to peck your lips, then resumes his attention back to your hair.

"I'm sorry by the way. I shouldn't have kept you up last night before the exam. I'm such a horrible boyfriend..." he admitted suddenly.

"Yes. Yes you are."

He gasped and stopped his movements altogether, obviously taken aback by your blunt words.

You giggled and said, "Kidding. You're the best boyfriend. Apology accepted.”

After hearing that, Izuku shoved himself onto your chest and let out muffled cry. "D-Don't scare me like that. Almost made me have a heart a-attack!"

[mindibindi]

Beyond disappointed in Ted Lasso. What were they thinking?!

The writing is a complete betrayal and insult to Rebecca’s character and Hannah’s skills as they’re being seriously underused. It’s also insulting Sam’s character.

Hoping someone pulls Rebecca’s head out of her ass tbh. Sam shouldn’t be getting caught in the crossfire of her looking for romance. I know he showed up at her doorstep but she still should’ve turned him away, and not even messaged him in the first place.

Hey, I'm with you, Anon, though we do seem to be in the minority. Sam is definitely not blameless here, he is also in the wrong. But if one of them is more in the wrong, it is Rebecca. I can't speak to whether her head has left her arse as yet because I have quit watching (at least for now). I hear she called it off with Sam in the most recent ep, though not because of any major crisis of conscience or because anyone in her inner circle expressed any reasonable reservations in response to her bad behaviour. And to be honest, I'm not sure we should need to hope and pray that Rebecca's precocious god-daughter, her slimy ex-husband, or the brutal British press will act as a moral compass on this ill-advised relationship. Both Rupert and the press have been set up to some extent as the villains of the piece. And a 14 year old should never have to school her elders on what is and isn't acceptable. Nora's needs have already been neglected by Rebecca for far too long.

If a moral position is to be taken on this, it needs to be taken by the show (because stance matters) and/or by its characters. But the show has for the most part depicted this relationship as ill-advised but ultimately hot, sweet, funny and romantic. As for the characters themselves, Sam has shown at least once that he has some moral backbone but seems to be adorably clueless when it comes to fucking his boss who keeps trying to set boundaries with him. Meanwhile, Rebecca's whole arc in s1 was about learning not to misuse her power for her own selfish ends. In season one, she misused her power within the club in order to exact revenge. In season 2, we have seen her misuse her sexual power, though I still cannot see to what end. I'm a bit at a loss as to what exactly she gets out of this 'relationship' but then I'm a grown woman so I have absolutely no interest in sleeping with a Harry Potter enthusiast barely out of his teens. I couldn't think of anything less sexy and more ick. I was certainly hoping for better character development for her this season.

As to what the writers were thinking, obviously I was not in the writer's room, but I would guess that they were thinking that any drama is good drama, people are stupid and fan devotion will trump any meaningful critique. In other words, they were thinking exactly how every other television writer thinks, despite the fact that this show posited itself as 'not like other TV shows'. This, to me, is where the blame really lies. Not with the characters or with the actors who are doing their best to sell this ludicrous turn of events. It must be noted, however, that both actors were completely blindsided by this relationship that had supposedly been so cleverly foreshadowed. Newsflash: if the people actually living these stories did not see this coming then you haven't foreshadowed shit. Sure, there were a handful of people that paired Rebecca with Sam but this does not constitute proof either. Fans have free-range to imagine and re-imagine characters. In some cases this may extend to imagining relationships between characters who have barely, if ever, interacted. There may be little to no evidence that these characters have even clocked each other's existence and some fans will still ship it. The existence of a handful of shippers does not legitimise such a problematic and divisive plotline making it onscreen.

But wait!, you might argue, this may not be a case of a popular show seeing just how far they can stretch fan devotion. This may not be a case of fan service to a handful of shippers. After all, the creators mapped out the entire three-season arc of Ted Lasso before they even pitched it to Apple. This was their brilliant plan all along! To which I would say: then maybe they should've rethought their second act based on people's strong reactions to their first. Ted Lasso was touted as the show we all needed in 2020. The writers and creators have all marveled at the chord it struck considering it was conceived prior to the pandemic and all the chaos it wrought. And while there is something to be said for having/sticking to a creative vision, there is also something to be said for being flexible and responsive to your audience and the cultural zeitgeist with which you're engaged. Season 1 of Ted Lasso told its story so gently, without creating distrust, division or unnecessary anxiety. It did not treat its audience like a gaggle of stupid lemmings to be led over a succession of narrative cliffs. THIS is what I mean when I say the show has broken with its brand. And look, this whole dark forest thing would be okay if the narrative arc was as well-crafted as s1. Season 1 gave us meaning, cohesion, comfort, sense in a senseless time. It was an almost perfectly crafted season of television. And I kept the faith for 6 episodes, despite the first half of s2 being pretty damn wobbly. But the follow-up to this stellar debut has been less than extraordinary so yeah, perhaps they should've thought a little harder about what made s1 so special before throwing it all out the window.

But wait!, I hear the faithful say, you don't know how things will pan out yet! Wait until the season is over and everything will make sense! But -- wearily and once again, I say -- we should not need to wait until the end of the season to understand what the hell is happening. By this point (over halfway through the season and show) we should have a v clear idea of the show's themes and the characters' arcs. And tbf, from what I can tell there are some fab things happening in other aspects of the show that I wish I could watch and enjoy. But my biggest fear at this point is that they are going to use Sam to solve Rebecca's childlessness. That, like Rupert (because the parallel cannot be avoided), she will become pregnant with a young fling and the show's attitude to this relationship will ultimately be: oh well, it was a bad idea and didn't work out for them but it was all for the best in the end cos who can be mad about a cute lil baaaayyybbbeeee??!! If they do go down this path then I will definitely be abstaining from the rest of the show. I will simply recall my repeated viewings of s1 with fondness tinged with regret at just how badly they fucked up a good thing.

Ultimately, Anon, I think this may be a case of there simply not being a diverse enough perspective in the writer's room. I am not saying that every single woman or every single person of colour will necessarily object to this relationship. I am simply saying that women and people of colour will be more sensitive to the issues of gender and race that are relevant here but that have not been fully or sensitively acknowledged in the writing of this plotline. Neither am I saying that Rebecca is the first woman to sleep with a man much (much, much, MUCH) younger than herself or indulge in an ill-advised relationship. But the comparison with Rupert both works here and doesn't because Rebecca is not being written like a white woman, she is being written like a white man. Realistically, only a white man can engage in this kind of hugely imbalanced relationship seemingly without any major moral qualms or societal ramifications. Not to put too fine a point on it, but this kind of relationship is reserved for all the Bills and Joes and Brendans and Jasons out there -- not for the Rebeccas and definitely not for the Sams. We are way beyond the point in feminism where we believe that liberation is simply the right for a white woman to behave as badly as a white man. The truth is that whatever wealth, power and privilege Rebecca has, the rules are different for men and women. She will not be treated the same as Rupert if and when this affair is uncovered. She will be treated far more savagely than Rupert ever was and Sam will be treated far more savagely than Bex was. This is not an argument for the equal treatment of these two relationships. It is an argument against how the relationship between Rebecca and Sam has been envisaged, i.e. through the wrong perspective. In writing from a 'neutral' white male pov, the show has invisiblised all the many issues activated by this storyline and revealed a blindspot that was always there.

As much as I loved and still love season 1 of this show, it has definite blindspots when it comes to representations of race and gender. There are at least two moments in s1 that stand out for me as being so obviously written by a man. Not necessarily because of what they do but because of what they don't do: what is missed, absent, unacknowledged. I was willing to overlook such minor failings in a debut season for many reasons. But s2 seems to have exacerbated these minor flaws rather than correcting them. And here I can't help thinking of Tina Fey speaking of the diversification of the writer's room at SNL during her tenure as co-headwriter. This notoriously male-dominated environment only began to shift and produce better work when a greater diversity of minds, voices and persepectives was allowed in the room. In this richer environment, she notes, different jokes played differently. Different sketches made it to air. Different perspectives were represented and different performers were celebrated. I can't help wondering if this plotline would have made it to air if there had been a female writer, a writer of colour or both further up the chain of command to challenge the ideas of the straight white dudes in charge.

One of the reasons I didn't think Ted Lasso was for me was that it centred a straight, white, cis-het, able-bodied man who rose to a position he didn't earn. That is just not a pov I would normally choose for myself, especially now that there is such a rich array of alternative perspectives through which to view the world. But I think the show won a lot of females fans with its first season largely due to its portrayal of Rebecca. She is the first person we meet. She is arguably the protagonist of s1. And while she would have been figured as a villain in previous pieces, the show never took that stance with her (because again, stance matters). Other elements like the depiction of female friendships, all centred around Rebecca, made this show female-friendly viewing. But imo, the major reason this show won over female fans (this one, at least) is because, in this post-MeToo, post-TimesUp era, it stood up and said: domestic violence is not okay, we stand with women and all victims of abuse, we will defend you, we know words can hurt, we know it can happen to anyone, we know all about toxic masculinity, we do not take this lightly and we will support you in your healing. Needless to say, this is how women hope men will act when they speak of their most difficult experiences but it is not how they always do.

The shift away from Rebecca this season has however meant that the white male experience is more centred than it was in s1. Rebecca's journey to recovery, health and happiness has been trivialised and sidelined, reduced to a highly questionable sexcapade. Meanwhile, we get overwrought manpain at every turn. We get Beard wandering around London (no, I haven't seen it and no, I don't need to. We've all been raised on white dudes thinking they're genuises when they have a figurative wank all over our screens). We get NO queer represention at all. And the only other female characters on screen are in care/service roles to men. The father/son, mentoring and toxic masculinity themes are all still there but they're no longer balanced out by ANY other competing perspective. One of the reasons I was okay with Ted failing upwards in s1 was that he used his power and privilege to lift up others. He was the one in service. He used his enormous privilege for good, as anyone with such privilege must. (Admittedly, it could be argued that this is just another version of a white savior narrative).

My point here is that I'm not sure that peeking behind the mask at the sad clown is as revolutionary as some might believe. We love it because it's familiar. But this is a narrative with a long and problematic history. Do I believe in tearing down toxic masculinity in all its forms? You bet. Do I believe that patriarchy traumatises men as well as women and every other minority in existence? I mean...nowhere near as much, but absolutely. Do I believe in men expressing their feelings and going to therapy? Wholeheartedly. But I am also aware that 100 or so years ago, we were in a very similar place with our narratives. Everyone is looking for a recapitulation of modernism and frankly, this might be an indicator of just that. Whenever women and people of colour have demanded rights and recognition, there has always been a resurgence of tales about just how frickin' hard it is to be a white man. Minority genders and non-white people have never in western history been as visible or vocal as they are now. So forgive me (or don't, I don't care) if I critique a show not only for centering fathers, sons, boys and men but for blindly and boldly writing one of its only female characters and one of its only black characters as if their gender and race just do not exist. There are many other power differentials at play in this relationship, including age, experience, wealth and position, but race and gender are the two that patriarchy is most invested in invisiblising. So I don't care how brilliant they think they are, I will not trust the writing of a bunch of white dudes trying to tell me that race and gender are irrelevant.

[ye4gerismarchives]

the bachelorette: the wedding

an: h-hey guys😅 a whole month w/o rhe bachelorette. y’all prolly forgot about it. fortunately, i haven’t😭 sorry yall, i’ve been up all night for the past month reading about nasty white men instead of writing for the bachelorette. this chapter has 4768 words, so i guess that’s a plus.

tags: black, fem reader. i don’t have any triggers off my head, if something does trigger you, do let me know

taglist: @taybird

5:00 am

You had plans to send Levi to his grave. How dare he wake you up at like four in the morning only to start your makeup and hair an hour later? The makeup and hair team were completely respectful towards you and respected your space, considering today was going to be full of emotions.

As your face was getting beat, there was a knock at the door. The makeup artist working on your face stopped so that you could address the person at the door. "If your name is Levi, don't bother coming in," you say. The door opens and your heart jumps because

Her Royal Highness Princess Historia and her girlfriend, Ymir, were in YOUR room.

"Oh sh*t, Your Royal Highness," you let out. Members of your team start to curtsy and bow to Historia. Ymir stands awkwardly behind her. She must have been getting used to the royal bs around her.

You stand to curtsy as well but Historia raises a hand to stop you. "Today is all about you. Ymir and I are going to be your bridesmaids today! Levi called us and we decided we would support you today!" she says cheerfully.

So, Levi probably wasn't going to die today. Now, you couldn't bring yourself to be mad at him but you still side eyes him. He was a powerful guy- you were still under the impression that he said something to Mikasa during the show and caused her unusual behavior.

"O-Oh?"

"Yeah! Ymir and I will get changed but we'll see you in your dress."

And with that, the princess and her girl left your room. It was like a dream.

5:30 am

Weeks before the wedding came, you went dress shopping. However, it didn't go how you wanted it to go. Ideally, you would be dress shopping with Sasha, Mikasa, and Connie. There was no way in hell you would call Sasha and ask her to go with you. You called Connie, who refused to pick up. You thought about calling Mikasa but you felt uneasy about it. So, Levi and his husband, Erwin, went with you.

Erwin was a complete angel. He asked you respectful questions about your life and even made you laugh. Spending time with Erwin made you realized how...dark Levi was and even made you question why they were even together. But your thoughts couldn't stop you from seeing how Levi melted under Erwin's touch. They loved each other. You hoped that You and Jean would be like that.

With their help, you managed to pick the perfect dress.

Slipping it on for the second time was just as magical as it was the first. Your team awed and cooed over how beautiful you looked. Historia and Ymir entered in matching pink outfits and immediately started fawning over how good you looked.

You felt your face redden up and you couldn't help but smile. But all of that went away when a familiar face entered.

"You...you look good, y/n."

"Mikasa...what are you doing here?"

Mikasa was standing in front of you in the same pink color that Ymir and Historia were in but her outfit was a sleeveless wide-legged jumpsuit. Her bangs were brushed away from her face and the rest of her hair sat behind her ears- well, mostly.

"Levi called me. He apologized for everything and told me to come over to apologize to you too. And then he forced me to be your maid of honor," Mikasa explained.

Levi forcing her to come over sounded like him but apologizing? He must have realized he went too far, especially since Mikasa was his niece. Levi was too caught up in creating and entertaining drama that he probably forgot Mikasa's relation to him.

So, you decided to let everything go.

You walk towards Mikasa with arms open and she's shocked but she doesn't hesitate to envelop you in her arms are well.

"I'm so sorry, y/n. I know was so out of line. I'll never let any man get in the way of our friendship again," Mikasa said as she squeezed you harder.

"Same here. If things don't work out with Jean, I'll marry you instead," you joke. You can feel Mikasa's laughter vibrate against your neck. She pulls away first and you proceed to ask another question. "Have you been in touch with Sasha?"

Mikasa purses her lips and shakes her head. "She's been radio silent. I can't tell if she got more backlash than me. She's off social media and just unwilling to speak with anyone. The hate probably got to her and she's just hiding for now."

You weren't too surprised. Mikasa was doing a job- a terrible one- but Sasha went out of her way to sleep with one of your guys...but she was drunk. You could imagine Sasha being the most discussed and debated online. Without speaking to her, you wouldn't know what was really going on in her mind.

"Oh! You never said hi to Princess Historia or Ymir. They're my bridesmaids for the day," you point out. The color leaves Mikasa's face when she realizes who's in the room with her. "Sh*t. Your Royal Highness," Mikasa curtsies. Historia lets out one of her signature giggles and begins to introduce herself and Ymir to Mikasa. As that goes on, your team starts helping you with your dress again.

You were slightly glad Mikasa was by your side today. The situation between the both of you was awkward but you were willing to give her another chance.

7:30 am

In the last two hours, you've done photoshoots and chat with everyone around you. Now it was time for Jean to be yours and for you to be his. You did question the early wedding time that Levi gave you but this would probably be the last time you saw that man so let's just let him do what he wants.

You were visibly nervous. You were gripping onto Mikasa's hand like it would be your last time doing so. "Hey, just remember, he's not your real husband. At least for now. This is all show," Mikasa reminds you. She was right. Jean may have been romantic with you but also he got his hour of fame, he could possibly leave you. Maybe he would get married to Connie.

You started to take a few deep breaths as you pulled up in front of the venue. Levi had rented a beach (not the one you and Connie were on) for your wedding.

From what you could see in the car, there were multiple seats and people were filling them up. You hoped that Connie's family had no ill-feeling toward you and decided to show up. It would be a shame since you were caught on television talking about how you would love for them to be there.

Your car came to a slow end. "y/n, do not worry. Remember, THIS is all fake. Only you decide if it's real," Mikasa reminds you. Levi opens your door and offers his hand to you. "It's go time." Mikasa helped you with your veil making sure that it wouldn't hit the ground.

"y/n, I know I may have been a menace but I'm happy for you. You might have had the most popular season yet," he says. Him bringing up ratings was no shock to you. You don't reply and Levi have his moment.

You like to think that Jean would like to spend the rest of his life with you. You knew that wasn't the case with many Bachelorettes and Bachelors but you look at Levi and Erwin...ah well, that wasn't a good example, considering that Erwin wasn't a contestant. He was the previous host. 'CALM DOWN,' you tell yourself, 'YOU AND JEAN WILL BE GOOD. AND IF HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU, ITS WHATEVER BECAUSE I'M THE BEST THING EVER.'

Minutes later, you're at the end of the aisle. Jean has his back turned and he's pacing back and forth slightly. Next to him is Connie. You know this because you recognize his big egg head. You're happy he put everything aside to support the both of you.

Mikasa takes her place in front of you and the music starts. Levi offers you his arm and you take it.

This was really happening.

You looked into the audience with a smile on your face but everything was moving so fast, you couldn't recognize their faces.

Before you knew it, you were by Jean. He still couldn't look at you- not until Levi gave you away. The marriage officiant clears his throat and begins to talk.

"We are gathered here today to witness the union of Jean and y/n. Welcome friends and family! We're glad to have you with us.

Today is the beginning of a remarkable journey for this couple. Drawing on their mutual admiration, respect, and trust, they are ready to embark on the next chapter in their lives. We celebrate the love and light evident in their relationship and wish them well on this joyous occasion.

Who gives this woman away?"

"I do," Levi answers. He takes Jean's hand and places it on top of yours. Jean then moves his under yours so that he could hold it. He looks down at Levi and mouths 'Thank you'. The shorter male nods and takes a seat.

The officiant gives you and Jean a moment to face each other. Jean had the biggest smile on his face when his eyes landed on you. "You look gorgeous," he whispers. "You're not so bad yourself," you reply.

The officiant continues. "If anyone has cause to object to the forming of this union, speak now or forever hold your peace." You look over Jean's shoulder to see Connie. You couldn't see his whole face, thanks to Jean's height, but you could see his eyes. They were narrowed and looking straight at you.

You wanted to feel bad, but you couldn't. YOU decided that Connie would not be your spouse, and that was final.

No one responded to the officiant's request, so he continued.

"Marriage is an integral part of the human tradition. Let us remember, as we stand here before the Universe, that the vows taken today hold great importance, just as they did to our ancestors. As individuals, we choose to enter the union of marriage to share all aspects of ourselves with our soulmate. Today, this is true for Jean and y/n."

Soulmate. You hoped that was true for you and Jean. You did meet him on a tv show.

"There are few greater joys in life than finding someone with whom we truly "click." In that spirit, I will now share a short reading on soulmates from author Richard Bach:

"A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we're pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we're safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life."

Under the eyes of Ymir, together we take a moment to acknowledge the seriousness of the commitment being entered into today. With great joy, we also recognize the special bond shared by Jean and y/n.."

This...this was a special bond indeed. Not only that, it was completely random. The next part of the wedding was your vows. The next part of solidifying your relationship.

"I will now invite the couple to share their vows. Jean and y/n, the promises you make today are sacred; they are the groundwork from which your marriage will grow and blossom over time.

Jean, would you like to begin first?"

Jean nods and squeezes your hands. "y/n, hopefully by the end of this ceremony, you will be my wife. I know there's a lot that you're worried about but I'll do everything to make you happy. I'll always protect you and keep you satisfied."

"y/n, your turn."

"Jean. I'm not too sure what to say...you've out-speeched me," you joke. Jean chuckled. "But...I too promise to love and protect you. I'll also make sure we're on the same page because that's very important for our relationship. I'm willing to fight for us."

You look at the officiant, letting him know that you were done.

"Let us proceed. Jean, before your family and friends, do you take y/n as your beloved Wife, to have and to hold, through laughter and in sadness, through challenges and successes, so long as you both shall live?"

Jean is silent for a moment. He's rubbing the back of your right hand and staring straight into your eyes- almost as if he was reevaluating everything. This made you nervous. Jean was a smart guy. You know you couldn't hold him down and force him to do anything he didn't want.

"I...I do," he finally answers. The weight on your chest dissolves.

"y/n, before your family and friends, do you take Jean as your beloved Husband, to have and to hold, through laughter and in sadness, through challenges and successes, so long as you both shall live?"

"Yes, I do," you answer quickly. You hear small laughs coming from the audience.

The officiant gives you a small smile before continuing. "Wedding rings are a traditional symbol of the strength of the bond between two soulmates."  Connie comes from behind Jean with the wedding bands and gave you both one.

"This bond is never broken, and continues in a perpetual circle, glowing with the warmth and eternal light of two souls in a perfect union. By wearing these rings, you will be always reminded of the connection you share and the vows you have made today. Jean, please, repeat after me;

I, Jean..."

"I, Jean..."

"present you, y/n, with this ring..."

"present you, y/n, with this ring..."

"as a symbol of our everlasting love."

"as a symbol of our everlasting love."

"Let it never lose its luster..."

"Let it never lose its luster..."

"just as my love for you will never fade."

"just as my love for you will never fade."

Jean, still gently holding your hand, slips the ring on (whatever finger your culture uses for weddings!). He can't help but admire it for a moment. He looks back up at you with the biggest grin. All you had to do was place the ring on his finger and your marriage would be "official".

"y/n, repeat after me. I, y/n..."

"I, y/n..."

"present you, Jean, with this ring..."

"present you, Jean, with this ring..."

"as a symbol of our everlasting love..."

"as a symbol of our everlasting love..."

"let it never lose its luster..."

"let it never lose its luster..."

"just as my love for you will never fade."

"just as my love for you will never fade."

You slip the ring onto Jean's left finger.

"By the power vested in me by the Ymir Life Church and Paradis, under the eyes of the Ymir, I happily pronounce you Husband and Wife! Jean, kiss your bride."

At that moment, everyone disappeared. It was just you and Jean. Jean places a hand on your waist and pulls you in. You find your hands riding up his chest and resting on his shoulder as you get closer. You and Jean connect and all of sudden, you're not in that bubble anymore.

"Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time, I give you Mr. Kirstein and Mrs. l/n!!."

You and Jean left together as "spouses". The first thing you did was official wedding photoshoots that were to be spread all over Paradis and all over the world- thanks to social media. Y'all kinda look like Meghan and Harry tbh.

Anyway.

You both got an opportunity to change in your reception outfits. After that, it was another car ride to the reception venue. Jean held your hand and couldn't stop talking about how beautiful you looked. You were so flustered, you couldn't get a response out. When you reached the venue, the driver helped out first and Jean slipped out of the car after you. He took your hand and entered the reception venue with you.

When you entered the dining hall, you were welcomed by cheers and claps. It was extremely overwhelming- not in a bad sense, however. You looked around the room and caught some familiar faces. You saw Bertholdt and Reiner sitting at a table with another unfamiliar girl. Across the room, Mikasa is seated with Connie, Historia, and Ymir. Everyone else is family that Levi most likely reached out to.

You and Jean take a seat and the cheering calms down. You lean on Jean's shoulder and sigh. The day wasn't over yet, but you were already so tired. Jean places his head on top of yours. "I can't wait to just be with you. I don't know what you had planned tonight but to be honest, I just want to sleep. I haven't realized how tired I was until now," Jean says quietly. "I have to agree. Let's just take a shower, cuddle and just pass out."

Jean brings his head up and smirks at you. "A shower? Together?" You only roll your eyes jokingly. "Oh, look, I think Levi is gonna call us up to have our first dance." "Don't worry, I'll get my answer sooner or later, y/n. You can't run from me." Jean pokes your arm teasingly, which causes you to squirm a little bit. Levi calls you up and Jeans takes your hand to lead you to the dance floor.

(Song of your choice) starts playing and you're not even sure where to start. Jean has a hand on your waist and is holding your free hand. You have a hand on his shoulders. "I'm not even sure where to start, we never practiced," you whisper. Jean smiles softly. "Don't worry about it. We're in this together aren't we?" He begins to move, taking full control. You stumble a bit but your reception dress hides your clumsiness. After a bit, you weren't stumbling anymore. You rest your head on Jean's shoulder and he pulls you even closer. Your movements get even slower. The music slowly disappeared and so did everyone else. It was just you and Jean.

When the music actually came to an end, you pulled away slowly. "You did great," Jean says softly. "So did you." You both go back to your seats. Waiters started to come out and take everyone's orders for dinners and started to pour drinks- meaning a toast would be coming up.

Mikasa comes up to the dance floor and awkwardly clanks her glass, trying to get everyone's attention. Everyone turned their heads and it wasn't because of the awkward clanking of the glass. There were some 'What the hell is she doing here?'s and 'Eren's b*tch?'s. You could visibly see Mikasa's nervousness so you attempted to lock eyes with her. It took her a while but she could finally look you in the eye. Mikasa clears her throat. "Um, hi. You're probably wondering why I'm here but today is not about me. It's about y/n and Jean. I was once y/n's closets friends until I was pressured to do something that I wouldn't normally do." Mikasa gives Levi a side-eye. The shrimp man crosses his arms and rolls his eyes.

"y/n is absolutely amazing...I can't really put it into words but there's something about her that just make people want to be around her. I can see why Jean fought so hard to be with her."

Jean squeezes your hand when she makes that comment.

"I often think to myself about how y/n could have easily met Jean at a café or a movie theatre or something rather than on TV show. But at the same time, this was good for her...and all of us. Here we discovered the lengths of our friendship and who we really were as people. I believe these ups and downs helped y/n find Jean- her true love. Honestly, I wish you both a happy future. Make it worth it."

Mikasa raises her glass and everyone clinks their glass with their neighbors. Connie begins to walk up to the dance floor as soon as Mikasa leaves.

"I'm going to be really honest with you. This is was unexpected. I honestly thought that today was going to be about me." Connie raises his eyebrows at Jean, who furrows them.

"But I guess it's a good thing I didn't marry y/n. I wouldn't have been enough to handle. So, congrats to you, Jean. You're tolerable."

Connie gets off the dance floor without giving you or Jean a look. You look at Jean and he's hurt. "H-hey...maybe he's drunk or something. In his feelings, you know? Don't let him make you feel bad," you say. Jean gives you a small smile before sipping down his drink.

Moments later, it was time for parent dances. Jean got up to dance with his mom. It was a little bit uncoordinated than yours but they looked like they were having a lot of fun.

Next was the bouquet and garter toss. You started with the garter first. You sat in a chair with your legs cross. You knew this was going to happen but it wasn't rehearsed. Jean could see your uneasiness, so he started doing a silly sensual dance. It made you laugh and your laughter got louder once he started shimming down to the floor. He got closer to your thigh and you felt your face heating up. You slapped your hand over your mouth once he starting biting the garter and pulling it off. As he continued, you cupped your face. When Jean was finally day, cheers erupted and you uncovered your hot face. Jean closes his eyes and throws the garter into the crowd and it lands in the hands of Reiner. The guys cheer even louder for him as he awkwardly glances over at Bertholdt, who is a few people away from him.

Next was the bouquet throwing. You closed your eyes and the guest counted you off. Once you heard the number three, you threw the bouquet. You open your eyes and turn around to see that Bertholdt had gotten the flowers. His face is so red...he look like a tomato.

After your guest settled down, it was time to cut your cake, meaning that your wedding day was almost over. You picked a (cake of your choice) for tonight. "It looks delicious. I can't wait to try it," Jean whispers in your ear. "It is. You'll love it," you respond. You pick up a knife. Jean wraps his hands around yours. You both gently place the knife on the cake and pushed it down. You lean back to give Jean a kiss and he gives you one. Jean grabs two forks by the cake and hands one over to you.

Jean scoops a piece of the cake first. He places a hand on your chin and you open your mouth. "Ladies first," he says as he places the cake in your mouth. You take a minute to savor the taste before swallowing. You also take a piece of the cake and get on your toes to feed Jean. He chuckles softly at your struggle before taking the fork from you and feeding himself. "You're right, it's good," he says after swallowing. He bends down slightly to give you another kiss.

The night was slowly coming to an end. There was no sight of Connie after his stupid speech and Levi and Erwin were getting ready to get home. Historia and Ymir had left right after the cake cutting ceremony but had promised to call you once everything had settled down. You and Jean formally greeted your guest and started your goodbyes.

Mikasa had gone up to you with a slightly awkward face. "Today wasn't so bad, huh?" she starts. You give her a kind smile. "It wasn't. Did you enjoy yourself?" Mikasa pauses to answer. "Your wedding was beautiful...however, I can't get upset over the reaction about me being here. y/n, I have to apologize again. What I did was completely wrong. I shouldn't even be blaming Levi for everything. I could have told you at first and-"

You pull Mikasa into a hug to shut her up. "Mikasa, move on. Come on, we're adults! At least you're apologizing and trying- unlike someone we know," you joke. You pull away. "Hopefully, if Jean and I have a real wedding, it won't be as awkward for you." Mikasa nods. "I'll see you around. Congrats." As Mikasa walks off, Reiner, Bert, and this mystery blonde come up to you. Inside Reiner's pocket is your garter sticking out and Bertholdt is clenching your bouquet.

"Hey," you start," Thank you for coming. Who's your friend?"

Bertholdt looks over at the blonde. "Thank you for inviting us...um...this is Annie. My dad thought you were her."

Now, why did Bertie's dad think you was this yt girl?😟

LMAO. "Nice to keep you, Annie. You Bertie's girl?" you ask.

Annie shakes her head no frantically. "OH, NO. Never in a million years, no. Yuck!" she answers dramatically. Reiner throws an arm over Bert's shoulder. "He's actually my boy now," he says proudly. "OH-! Congrats! So we're having a wedding for you soon, yes?" You tease. Reiner nods and Bertie tries to hide his face in Reiner's hair. "When did this all happen...? I just eliminated you like...two weeks ago?"

"Well...Reiner and I were still in contact and when I left, he reached out to me. We met up a few times and we hit it off," Bertie explains. "Congrats. I'm really happy to hear that," you answer. You turn around to look for Jean. He's talking to his mom. He gives you a small glance before continuing his conversation with her. "I better go catch up with Jean. It was nice to see you...and finally meeting you, Annie." The trio say their goodbyes before leaving.

You make your way over to Jean but you're stopped by the human fit of annoyance- Levi. You were so tired of him but you threw on a smile since Erwin was walking over as well. "Yes, Levi? I thought we were done here," you say in a singsong voice. "Aw, you're ready to go?" Levi says sarcastically. You open your mouth to answer but he cuts you off. "For starters, thank you for adding on to mine and Erwin's paychecks. We really appreciate it. Arrangements for your hotel and honeymoon have been put together. You're tired of me, but don't hesitate to call me if something goes wrong. Besides that, I wish you luck. Make everything worth it."

Levi walks past you and Erwin stops to hug you before following his husband.

Jean makes his way up to you, his mom following behind. "Everything good? I saw shrimp talking to you." You take Jean's hand. "Everything's good." Jean pulls you into a side hug. "Aw, you guys are so cute. I really do hope you last," Jean's mom comments, "I've always wanted a daughter."

"Mom, nothing's official yet-"

"I'm glad you think of me as your daughter, June."

"Well, I'll see you later. Jean, take care of her tonight. Be good to her and listen to her. Don't be rough, she's not a rag doll," June warned her son. She had a finger up in his face and everything. Seeing their relationship on the regular was going going to be hilarious.

Jean swats his mom's finger out of his face before waving her goodbye. He then fully wraps his arms around you. "No offense. But I'm glad this is over. We'll get to know each other one on one now," he says. You can't help but agree.

ITS FINALLY OVER. well not exactly. i have one more chapter to write and y’all will never hear about levi, 12 guys, and dates ever again😭 but since this series has reached its goal (you getting married) please do me a favor and rate my series, it would be appreciated!