#<- im so sorry

[thecrowquet]

made this as a joke between friends I regret every thing I've written that I legitimately can't face colouring it asjsk

[butchstabu]

angst @ groningen - july 7, 2023

[angiemelon]

HUZZAH! jsab whiteboard doodles!

[builtlikeastickofcelery]

I BROKE. TIME TO INFODUMP

FIRSTLY: this is mostly based off of 2012 with some rise influence.

In this au splinter is absent for most of their early lives due to him believing his kids would be safer without the foot targeting him (i promise there’s a plot to this but for now its gonna be silly). And since theres gonna be a plot thats about it ! Oh also they met april at 11 yrs old I think and Casey just a little bit before the story starts

ANWAY HAVE SOME BULLET POINTS

Casey tries to do their own facial piercings

The piercings almost always get infected

They have to go to donnie for help

April wears her iconic hat to hide her dark roots (shes not a real ginger!!)

Leo is technically the second-oldest they just have a complex

the turtles steal most of their food

April goes to a bouldering gym and can scale buildings

Casey plays roller derby

donnie is the oldest despite the fact that they’re all 15

None of them could cook until the age of 12

They all play dnd passionately

donnie is the oldest because he said he scientifically proved (lied) it and everyone else called dibs on who would be next oldest (raph and Leo agreed to tie)

now take some character blurb thingies that go by age

April: april is 16 and has a driver’s license (could technically be a junior in hs but she’s not), shes very cool and accidentally went ginger at some point then just decided she liked it?? No one knows. They go to a lot LOT of concerts and also rock climbs and she loves women. Also a drummer in a band called smth that i will figure out later. Definitely takes a lot of responsibility for the wellbeing of the turtles due to their situation but like subtly. they for sure got their own issues but chooses to ignore em a lot of the time. Only child (lameee)

Donnie: hes 15 and pretends hes biologically the oldest (he is not they’re all the same age). he made all the blueprints for the lair once it was decided it was too small. hes very good at stealing stuff which is how he gets most of his materials, learned how to hack into ATMS a while ago but thinks it’s morally wrong (only used in desperate measures). Doesn’t mind not being the leader since he knows his claims of being the oldest are total bs but definitely adopted an oldest child mentality. Keeps a lot of problems a secret from his “younger” brothers and mostly talks to april about it. Extremely silly. Main doctor but also very squeamish specifically about bones (not broken bones, just the concept). Purple everything. He has access to every one of his sibling’s internet accounts he just doesn’t tell them about it. Also the main cook, since he would try and read whatever books they could find in dumpsters, especially when they were kids. Shares leo’s space interests less because of a show and more because of science stuff. Didn’t like Casey at first but they got close super fast later on. He is the best thief out of all of them (shhhh).

Casey: also 15, in april’s grade. Knows april from Spanish tutoring despite the fact they’re latine (haha if im violently whiteified my little guys have to be too) very into punk subculture and roller derby and also engineering/mechanics (I’m very excited to show off his vigilante equipment). Constantly does dumb shit for no apparent reason. Very much similar to 2012 casey (says “thats so metal dudes” anytime anything horrifying/dangerous happens). They also have had weird unspoken tension with everyone completely by accident and cant stop falling off of buildings. They have zero fighting skills or training but somehow haven’t died yet. Missing one tooth, top of the mouth next to his right canine (replaced with a glow-in-the-dark plastic one don’t ask them how it stays in).

Leo: 15, self-proclaimed second oldest and leader. (they have a complex probably) they’re only the leader because [HAHAHAHA PLOT AND BACKSTORY] and everyone else just stuck with it. They try very very hard to be silly and goofy but are also constantly anxious, not specifically about their siblings but like in general. Very very hesitant, prefers stealth (and stupid jokes) to direct confrontation. very close with raph since they’re “twins” (all of them are the same age). Intense sci-fi/space obsession, they’ve watched every single episode of their world’s equivalent to Star Trek (and all the movies) and also had a huge nonfiction phase which is still ongoing, fueled by stolen textbooks and endless internet videos . They also write fanfiction (secretly and make fun of other people who do to throw off their siblings it doesn’t work at all). They are so so lame and i love them so much.

Raph: 15, also second oldest, very very overprotective but like low-key about it. Super close with april and leo. Does all the confrontation and has accidentally been confused to be the leader of the team (CONSTANTLY ends up in hostage situations to the point it’s almost funny). ALLERGIC to Feelings he will Die if he has to talk about things so he mostly vents by tearing up his room and then feeling bad abt it. Made donnie help him find leo’s fanfics and then swore him to secrecy forever. Very distrustful, secretly super artsy, weirdly obsessed with messing with ppls hair (probably because he is surrounded by bald ppl). Also secretly a fashion icon, he has a disguise specifically so he can go to the mall with april and look at clothes for fun. He is physically the strongest out of everyone and has a really bad habit of using himself as their meat shield. Accidentally very very silly dude.

Mikey: 15 the Absolute Youngest by request. He is objectively the best fighter but is constantly being sidetracked by his siblings taking hits/taking out enemies for him (look theyre all just Like That). Really really smart when in a crisis, but for some reason not in a low pressure situation. She tries to cook but ultimately prefers baking. He’s also good at building things, so he usually hangs out with donnie in his workshop and made a lot of the lair’s furniture though he somehow can’t build anything from ikea. Also knows about leo’s fanfic career and accepted a bribe of a hubcap chandelier (?) to not tell anyone. Leo never made him a chandelier but at this point she has completely forgotten about it. Is secretly a beta reader for the fics and pretends she doesn’t know leo, except for when he describes very very distinct details of their home as suggestions for a room or something. Will continue to do this until leo either has a nervous breakdown or realizes it’s him. 

PLEASE ASK ME MORE ABOUT HTESE GUYS IM BEGGING YOU AUGHGHGGH

[intercrusher]

this is their foreplay

[james-p-sullivan]

the older i get and the closer i am to reaching 30, the more the people around me try to deny me my age. it’s a constant ‘oh you’re just turning 29 again teehee 🤭’ or ‘dont tell your SO that, he’ll leave you for a younger model 😉’ and i just???? hate it?????????

i spent my entire teenaged years fighting for my life. i crawled through the deepest pits of my depression to cling to the promise of a life beyond that pain. i was so convinced that i was going to die young, that i would never see the grace of my age starting with a 2, let alone 3.

so im going to turn 30, and there’s not a damn thing anyone can do to stop me from loving it.

[ofswordsandpens]

idk why people get super pedantic about the movie logic in Home Alone and start and try to pick it apart, because like, its a Christmas movie about a child accidentally being left home alone, the premise isn't exactly asking us to suspend our disbelief that much, and yet nearly every single "gotcha" question I see people bring up about this film is literally answered within the first 15 minutes :/

[everwalldigan]

Bruce: who are you? A new crime lord?

Jason: *takes off his helmet*

Bruce: *squints suspiciously* a new crime lord who looks like a grown up version of my dead son?

Jason: *sighs in annoyance and forces a bright smile*

Bruce: JASON THE NEW CRIME LORD???

[daftmooncretin]

spock’s room decor is actually fucking bonkers. The weapons??? the big red velvet curtain??? like ok phantom of the opera go crazy.

for reference jim’s room has some photos and a plant so we can surmise this is uniquely a spock being a dramatic weirdo thing

[chessb0r3d]

Analysis so bad you don't even know what it's talking about anymore.

[wireframearson]

in my dream this was the danish flag

the creature pictured was Spinkelsnorf, their mascot

[bosspigeon]

so bc i am a Gross Dude my friends i and sometimes rate our burps and my coworker (who is a teen girl) burped in front of me once and i instinctively rated it

so now every time she burps she looks to me hopefully for a rating and bc she has delicate little baby burps i now have to create an entirely new Burp Rating System unique to her bc i rate anything below a 5 and she looks at me like this

[amygdalae]

Me in 2018: I can't thirst post that's embarrassing

Me now: I know he nuts loud and abundant

[catmask]

its true that romance amd friendship will not solve everything but. objectively speaking its very hard to get sad when you can say 'lets go get cake tomorrow okay' and someone will go get cake with you. like there is some good at least. you know

[hoodedjelly]

The Square Root Of Two