#incorrect batman quotes

[batfambrainrotbeloved]

Batfam quotes as quotes from my dnd group (part 4)(a few mild nsfw so be warned, but again- dnd, so it was inevitable)

Dick:“Zantana is in the fucking shadow realm assembling her Yu-gi-o deck” Duke:"I'm going to look you in the eyes and be difficult, you are well within your right to refuse me" Tim:"It's Saprophysis- okay Zara I know you wanna spell it so it goes F..." Jason:"..." Jason:"You immediately fucked that up-" Tim:"Kon do you not trust me anymore"? Luthor:"Lie to him Kon" Kon:"Nah its just that your now really fucking hot-" Luthor:"Kon NO" Damian:“If he had drowned I would have been like- oh well" Tim to Ra: “May I ask? Oh no- I will ask- Whose terrarium do you crawl around in”? Babs:“She's more of an object” Dick:“Aren't we all” Jason:“..Objects to the system” Steph:“Maybe that's what's on my horizon… glue” Damian:“The Raven queen does not permit you to walk away-” Jason:"But what if I jump"? N/A Goon:“You will watch them make out” Steph:"Oh... oh nooo- anything but t h a t" Jason:“What does a shark cock look like- I'm curious”? Duke:“Does it like.. Roll up”? Steph:“I mean a shark vagina actually looks fairly normal, you look at it and go yeah that's a vagina” Damian:"I hate you all."

[headcanonthings]

Ives: What did Bernard text you? Tim: 'I can't believe I miss you this much after just three hours' Ives: And what did you send back? Tim: 'Haha lame' Ives: Tim: I was flirting

[galaxymagitech]

Bruce, walking into the room:

Bruce: *sees Tim and Jason covered in glitter and fencing with fire pokers, Steph and Cass having a tea party while taped to the ceiling and providing commentary in British accents, Duke climbing out the window, Damian roasting marshmallows in the curtains (which are now on fire), and Dick attempting to put out the curtain fire with a bucket of fruit punch*

Bruce:

Bruce: What.

Tim: I can explain.

Dick: No, he can’t.

Tim: Yes I can. The explanation is that we’re all insane.

[dc-and-damirae]

bruce: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan. kate: We could attack them with hummus. bruce: I stand corrected. kate: Just keeping things in perspective.

[91-1lover]

What if Damian and Tim love each other and even like? It's just more of a situation "Manipulating others is easier ". Maybe an example will help;

Damian: Father, May I go to Zoo today?

Bruce:No Damian, you're grounded.

Tim:Oh, that's bad. I could go with you to take photos of otter, but if you are not going I think I will stay too. What's a zoo without company. Maybe I will go with Kon next week.

Bruce *Super happy in a moment of thinking his youngest kids getting along*: If you two agree not to kill each other, Damian can go

Tim and Damian:*Knowing looks*

Or situation like;

Tim who has abandoned issues and is having fear of people leaving him: Dick is mad at me. Can you stab me so he will be in his mother hen mode Instead?

Damian who would like to have 5 minutes of peace from Grayson: Say no more

[goodoldfashionedengineer]

The only time when all the batkids will work together in perfect harmony is to prank Bruce.

And for the best prank all they needed was a few label makers.

Labels are put on everything.

On every mug, on every plate, on every bandaid package.

The chocolate bars are labeled "BatSnack".

The fruits become "Batana", "Batricot" and "Batermelon".

Every button on the microwave, every key on the keyboard, it all gets a label.

"Batstop button", "Batstart button", "Bat-A-key", Bat-Enter-key".

Bruce's desk isn't simply the "Batdesk". It is the "Batwood construction surface".

There is a label beneath the desk too.

Originally named "underside of Batwood construction surface".

It takes days, weeks, months to remove all the labels.

Until one day, when Bruce makes a few new installations in the cave.

Surely some higher being is laughing at him right now, Bruce thinks, as he pulls of the last one.

"Batceiling"

[sodamnbored]

Damian, entering the living room: Oh, Drake. I didn’t realise you were here too.

Tim, distracted on his phone on the couch: Yeah, best WiFi around. Keeping busy?

Damian, looking in cupboards and chandeliers for acrobatic older brothers: Looking for Dick.

Tim absently, not looking up from Grindr: Mm, me too.

[cardinalcheerio]

I imagine that the Batkids go out for food every once in a while.

So there they are all sitting at the restaurant, when dick goes to pay and accidentally uses one of Bruce's cards.

They get back to the cave to bruce freaking out, everyone is like "IDENTITY BREACH AHHHHH" y'know.

And the next day a paper comes out, "Bats steal Brucies Credit Card!"

From then on they use Bruce's cards for snacks in the field and gotham just accepts that

1. Bruce funds the Bats

2. They take it from him

3. Bruce and Batman dated and Batman stole his credit cards and gave them to his kids.

[dickgraysonmybeloved]

Jason, eating cereal: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this. Tim, who walked out of his bedroom in his house into his kitchen: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!

[ryemiffie]

More stuff from my day as batfam incorrect quotes:

Batman: I would never betray you!

Red hood, pointing at Tim: Then what's that?!

Tim: ...

Batman: A complication.

Red hood: A complication?! It's a child!

Batman: Well I see that!

Tim, talking to Jason: Oh you don't have to be offended, he doesn't know how I got here.

Red hood:

Batman: I don't!

Tim:

Red hood:

Batman: It's actually kinda unsettling, how did you get here?

Tim: I followed the voices.

Batman: Oh, I didn't realise we were being that loud.

Tim: No no, not your voices, the voices.

Red hood:

Batman:

Red hood: should we be worried or-

[batfambrainrotbeloved]

Batfam quotes as quotes from my dnd group (part 5)(but my homeland security class once more, we had a guest speaker- it was a vibe)

Dick:“I'm sorry I keep swearing- i'm from Gotham it's how we say hello” Steph:“He impaled a bunch of people IRL” Duke:“The Vampire”?? Damian:“If someone says nothing ever came from waterboarding I would say thats incorrect” Jason:“The first time is just a new experience, but the 73rd time? it hits different"

Jason:“The amount of drugs in that shit could have killed the entire fucking country- if you kill everyone who the fuck are you going to sell to”?

Duke:“This doesn't look right for Gotham New Jersey, means you had to be doing some stupid shit to be suspicious in GOTHAM”

Tim:“Are criminals stupid? Thank god sometimes they are”

Duke:“..How did you burn it”? Cass:“With Gasoline.”

Daimian:“She's a white woman” Dick:“Of course” Steph:“Yeah frikin white women”

Jason:“I'm missing a trigger finger- they went how are you gonna fire, I can do it like this” *flips them off* Steph:“This old guy went fuck it, give me the drill, and he just drilled” Tim:“I have never respected the elderly more”

[headcanonthings]

Tim: You know archaic Latin? Jason: I got bored with classical Latin. Tim: You know normal Latin? Jason: Yeah someone from my knitting club taught me. Tim: YOU HAVE A KNITTING CLUB? Jason: You don't know everything about me Replacement. Now do you want a sweater or a scarf?

[galaxymagitech]

Jason (Age 12): I’m not gonna die from inhaling cigarette smoke, quit worrying, B.

Jason (Age 15): *dies from smoke inhalation*

Jason (Age 19): Well, it wasn’t the cigarettes.

[arguablysomaya]

failed step one

[youroriginalsublimecupcakestuff]

Dick, at the police station: hi, i'm here for jason.

officer: last name?

Dick : .....ah. you must be new.

[91-1lover]

Dick and Damian- *Fighting using an incredible strategy and hours of training*

Meanwhile

Jason- YEEEET *Throwing Tim at bad guys*