#incorrect batfamily quotes

[batccidentily-inlove]

Bruce and Dick about to get into a screaming match over something:

Dick: Everybody out.

(Nobody moves)

Dick: Little wing?

Jason (more than happy to assist): You heard your mother, get moving or I start shooting.

Steph: Puh-lease, this is quality entertainment

Tim: And you're not even carrying live rounds.

Jason: You're right, all I've got on me are the paintballs that you so graciously mixed with Freezes' formula so they stay frozen.

*batlings freeze*

Tim: You wouldn't.

Jason (grinning): Try me.

[thebat-musicman]

Dick: Does anyone have any suggestions?

Jason: Why dont we shoot the Joker?

Dick: How will that help us in an alien invasion?

Jason: It would be really funny

Dick:

Dick: Works for me, add it to the list!

[everwalldigan]

Bruce: who are you? A new crime lord?

Jason: *takes off his helmet*

Bruce: *squints suspiciously* a new crime lord who looks like a grown up version of my dead son?

Jason: *sighs in annoyance and forces a bright smile*

Bruce: JASON THE NEW CRIME LORD???

[soulsforsales]

i think he should stop playing hard to get and kiss me already (he’s fictional btw)

[batfamgalore]

Roy: I’m just trying to protect our family. I don’t want to wake up dead.

Dick: I can’t believe I have to say this to you again. You cannot wake up and be dead.

Roy: It’s an expression.

Wally: It’s not.

[miiboo]

theyre literally everything to me

Tim being Damian's favorite brother is EVERYTHING to me. Like, after everything happens, with the time stream incident and all, Tim just becomes Damian's favorite brother. (Though he would never actually admit it!)

Tim, of course, is oblivious to this fact. He's positive that either Dick or Jason hold this title, because why wouldn't they? Besides, Damian has made it extremely clear that he's hated Tim from the very start.

WRONG. Tim is the older brother that Damian tries to follow everytime he does something. Tim is the older brother Damian goes to so he could show off a stray animal he randomly picked up.

Damian just stands in front of Tim, holding whatever animal he found, and he just says "This is Bartholomew." And Tim just stares, nodding slowly because he's SO confused.

Tim is ignoring snarky comments from another socialite who subtly hints that Tim must be stupid or something because he dropped out from highschool, and Damian is just glaring heatedly at whoever they are and just says, "It is obvious that he dropped out because he was too intelligent for the entire school. Of course you wouldn't know, though."

Tim is talking about taking over the world because he's only a little sleepy? Damian agrees and gives him ideas, already planning the first step. Tim wants his comfort food/drinks after a long day? Damian is the first one to be beside Alfred, wanting to memorize exactly what Tim likes when he's tired.

Is this accurate to how they are in the comics? No. But DC is my playground, and I'm in a fanon mood. ^-^

[nerdyrambling]

Tim: Bruce's told me a lot about you. Damian: Oh yeah, what am I allergic to then? Tim: Peanuts and the full spectrum of human emotion.

[foerchen]

AITA for accidentally dyeing my little brother's cat green with shampoo I didn't know my older brother had tampered with?

By u/redwingedskateboarder

Soooo, I (16M) accidentally dyed my little brother's (13M) beloved cat green. How and why, you ask? Well, it wasn't intentional at all. This morning, my brother's cat, Alfred (yes, he called his cat Alfred, I am not joking), kind of fell into our pond, I guess, and came back inside soaking wet and smelling like fish.

Because my little brother wasn't home—actually, nobody was—I decided to give Alfred a bath. Nothing could go wrong, right? Yeah, that was what I hoped, but I was wrong.

Washing Alfred wasn't that hard. Sure, the little guy wasn't very happy or excited about me dumping him in water, but he stayed pretty calm and let me do what I had to. I used my own shampoo, which is also safe for animals (I checked, don't worry!). I was a little confused about why the bubbles were turning green, but kind of wrote it off to me never seeing it in the shower because I always have my eyes closed during it.

Long story short: it turns out that my youngest older brother (19M) had tried to prank me by putting green dye into my shampoo, something I obviously had not been aware of prior. So now my little brother is having a meltdown over Alfred being green and is angry at me because of it.

AITA here? Should I be the one to apologize for it, even if this was never my intention to happen? Is our other brother at fault here for tampering with my shampoo never knowing I would wash Alfred with it? Or are we all just being idiots and this is just one huge unfortunate accident?

Please help, thanks. :)

(feel free to act like the comment section)

[batccidentily-inlove]

Years ago after a league meeting had long been over but they all still sat unmasked at the table passing around a magazine with the latest smear article covering Brucie Wayne Clark asked Bruce how he put up with seeing himself ridiculed in the media all the time.

Bruce just gives him a small shrug, "My kids have read me to filth better at the breakfast table before I've even had my coffee."

And yes, they know his identity and they know of his kids/sidekicks but they've never met them; so they brush it off as Bruce making a rare joke.

And then they all end up in the batcave after a spectacularly failed mission, nothing injured except their egos.

As soon as the plane lands Bruce let's out the deepest sigh, one that sounds alot like the sigh he gave right befor the mission went to shit.

"I apologize in advance.... I should've read more parenting books..."

They all follow as Bruce marches down from the plane like he's going to an execution.

He doesn't flinch with the rest of them when the confetti cannons go off and his children are all piled in the cave clapping and cheering.

"That was awful!!"

"You could not have done that worse, who's plan were you following?"

"Don't worry we've already scrubbed all the most embarrassing moments from the media and made them into a compilation for you"

"Yaasss, Go girl! Give us nothing!"

The league watch dumb struck as Bruce pulls off the cowl groaning and makes his way to the seat they have reserved in the middle of them facing the screen, "Do I at least get snacks?"

[headcanonthings]

Tim: You don’t get to choose your biological family… Jason: You don’t get to choose your found family either! Cape up bitch!

[currentlyuntitledwork]

Texts my siblings have in the gc that give off specific bat sibling energy

[soulsforsales]

goth/emo Jason Todd with piercings and tattoos and black nail polish and eye liner. look at this post with your eyes if you agree

[demonicsuffrage]

Bruce has a strict 'no metas/powers (except duke) allowed in Gotham' policy in place but it has a clause, BYOR (Bring Your Own Robin)

No one is allowed entry untill and unless they can produce their very own certified robin-shaped identity card

Whenever someone with even a hint of supernatural powers in them arrives at Gotham, they're first met with Bruce standing at the city border with a notepad in hand

Bruce: State your name and purpose.

Kon: Kon-el, here to hangout!

Bruce: Your Robin?

Kon, flourishing Tim from behind him: Ta-Da!

Tim, waves: Hey Bruce

Bruce: Approved, you may enter

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Name and purpose?

Hal: Here to investigate a case, Hal Jordan

Bruce: Your Robin?

Hal: I.... don't have one?

Bruce: Denied

Hal: What?! But-

Bruce: Denied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Yes, Wally, where's your robin?

Wally: Oh shit lemme just- *zaps away and returns with Dick, who was in the midst of brushing his teeth, in a bridal carry*- Here!

Bruce, grumbling a little: Fine. Approved.

Dick: You gotta stop using me as a key already, man

Wally: Blame Bruce.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Name and purpose?

Clark: Clark Kent, here for our monthly barbecue

Bruce: Robin?

Clark, producing an actual robin bird: Does this count?

Bruce:.....yes

[batcavescolony]

Bruce: *is dead again*

Dick: well this s-

Tim: *carrying a go bag* I can't believe this! I'm gonna put a tracker on him when I- oh hi Dick.

Dick: ...you don't think he's dead?

Tim: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME ANYONE DIED! ok Alfred but at this point I think he's using this as a vacation from us but PAST THAT! Who ACTUALLY dies? Superman 'dies' every few years, Bruce keeps 'dying' hell YOU 'die' sometimes. Obviously Jason, Damian, Cas, Steph have all 'died', my friends have'died',BUT THEY COME BACK! everyone. comes. back. I'll be back when I find Bruce for the THIRD TIME! *slams door*

Alfred: *walking into the room* he's not wrong. Tea?

[theendlessnessofbeingme]

Stephanie dying her hair black for an undercover OP

Stephanie: So what you guys think

Dick:

Tim: That is so freaky

Jason: You… you look like Bruce’s mom!

Stephanie: WHAT? No I don’t!

Dick: You do! And it’s so fucking freaky!

Tim: It’s a really fucking eerie resemblance. Are you sure you’re not related to him? Like a distant cousin or something?

Stephanie: Your all fucking insane. I don’t look like her!

Jason: Hold on. Alfred! Can you come here!

Alfred: There is no need to shout Master Jason. Now what is all the commotion?

Jason: We just need to know, does Steph look like Bruce’s mom?

Alfred: Bloody Hell. You do bear a very striking resemblance to the late Martha Wayne, Ms Brown.

Tim: Told you.

Dick: Come on let’s dye it brown before Bruce sees and has a fucking panic attack.

[foerchen]

AITA for suggesting my rebellious brother get piercings to piss off our dad, but it ended up bringing them closer?

By: u/thegraysonofgotham

Hi Reddit!

One of my younger brothers is obsessed with this site, so I figured I’d try it out too. Here’s the story:

I (24M) have three younger brothers (19M, 16M, and 13M). Our dad raised all of us, though only the youngest is his biological child, the rest of us are adopted.

My 19-year-old brother, let’s call him Pete, has had a rocky relationship with our dad due to some past trauma. While things have gotten better, Pete still makes it a point to rebel (mostly in petty or dramatic ways) to get under Dad’s skin.

Recently, Pete’s been frustrated because Dad isn’t fond of the idea of him going to college out of state. Usually, this kind of tension explodes into huge fights, so I tried to defuse it by giving him an outlet.

I suggested piercings. When I was younger, Dad always talked me out of them, so I figured it’d be the perfect harmless rebellion, and it fit Pete’s vibe anyway.

Pete loved the idea. A few days later, he came home decked out: snake bites, three lobe piercings in each ear, full cartilage rings, eyebrows, tongue—the whole shebang. Honestly? He looked awesome. Even our younger brothers agreed.

But here’s the twist: Our grandpa (who lives with us) saw Pete, chuckled, and went to get Dad. When Dad saw him, he didn’t yell. No, he left the room, came back five minutes later… holding a photo of himself at Pete’s age, rocking even more piercings.

Turns out Dad went through the exact same phase. Now, instead of fighting, they’re bonding over piercing care, favorite brands, and even sharing life stories. Pete (who secretly probably enjoys this) is salty because his act of rebellion turned into father-son bonding.

So… AITA for suggesting the piercings in the first place, even if it totally backfired (or forward-fired, depending how you look at it)?

(Feel free to act like the comment section xD)