#incorrect batfamily quotes

[batfamgalore]

*Bruce talking to Dick and Jason after a mission*

Bruce: Both of you have done exemplary work, which I appreciate.

Dick: And I can see that by the absolutely no indicators on your face.

[incorrectbatfam]

Tim: Do you remember that hoodie I let you borrow?

Damian: The black one?

Tim: Correct.

Damian: I do remember it.

Tim: Okay, I want it back.

Damian:

Tim: Give me my hoodie back.

Damian: Why do you need it?

Tim: What?

Damian: Why do you need your hoodie back?

[mxfloof]

Bad Guy, pointing a gun at Jason: Don't move, or I'll kill you. Jason: Bold of you to assume I've never been killed before. Dick: Jay... Jason: Oh, please, we all know it takes both a crowbar and explosion to take me out. The guy has neither. Dick: WE ARE NOT TESTING THAT Tim: But, If one of us dies to a firearm, Bruce Wayne might suddenly become a gun control activist. Jason: Either way we win. I don't see a problem Dick: I DO

[gothamundernightlight]

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Damian: Drake, I have need of your aid. My class is being forced to do a Secret Santa and I got the class bully. What should I get him?

Tim: Make him a Where’s Waldo book but photoshop Waldo out of every picture.

Damian: …

Dick: …

Jason: …

Jason: That’s cruel, but I love it! Do that!

Dick: Tim, didn’t you give me a Where’s Waldo book last year?

[beyond-the-stars-fairy]

Dick concentrating on a task : What is love ♪

Y/N : Baby don't hurt me.

Damian : I would never hurt you.

Y/N : No it's a so—

Damian : I will never let anyone hurt you.

*and goes back to sharpening his sword*

[whatever908]

Kidnapper: I have your kid Bruce: which one I have many… Kidnapper: the really loud, annoying one that never shuts up Bruce:... Bruce: which one I have many…

[theaceofarrows]

Damian: [walks into Bruce's office with his hands behind his back]

Damian: Father, I would like to congratulate you. You are now a grandfather

Bruce: [seconds away from a heart attack] W- what?

Damian: [reveals the hamster he was holding behind his back] Meet Ferdinand

Bruce: [slumps against desk] Next time... please- please lead with that... I'm begging you

-

Jason: [hiding in the vents with a camera] He actually did it, the crazy little son of a bitch

[mentallyunawareofpapaya]

Jason & Dick, finding a dead body on patrol:

Jason:

Jason: b-

Dick, holding up a finger: don't you DARE say 'been there done that'

Jason: you can't tell me what to do, you didn't even come to my funeral!

Dick: I was in SPACE

Jason: and I was in the GROUND

[wickedsmille]

Tim: You've heard of elf on a shelf, now I give you

Tim: *points at Jason's new mug shot*

Tim: Jason under investigation!

[youroriginalsublimecupcakestuff]

Bruce : " Here, you can play with this kaleidoscope I got you at the airport."

Dick : " What ? A kaleidoscope ? I’m not five."

Dick : *Looks through kaleidoscope*

Dick : " Shapes and colours the likes of which I’ve never seen~ "

[kimjun]

Jason: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?

Yn: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?

Jason: Yes.

Yn: I'd sleep.

[brokenstar28]

Bat-fam as random things I've said/heard this week/ Sleep Deprived 5-9

Bruce: Do you need these brains?

Tim: Yeah, there my back-up's.

~~

Dick: *blocks the doorway* You shall not pass!

Damian: I have to go to the bathroom.

Dick: ...Hugs first.

~~

Tim: Do you ever want to just...dissapper?

Dick: NO!

Damian: Yes.

~~

Tim: What are your thoughts on murder?

Jason and Damian at the exact same time: DO IT!!!

Dick: Murder bad!

~~

Damian: IT'S A CENTAUR-DOG!!!

Jason: We just thought the exact same thing!

~~

Edit:

Damian: 1 or 2?

Tim: 3

[incorrectbatfam]

Damian: Father, can I borrow money to buy you a present?

[firerose18991]

Literally anyone meeting bruce and his family for the first time: So how did you get so many kids by 30?

Dick: HE WAS A TEENAGE DELINQUENT

Jason: *shouting over him* HE LEFT MY MOTHER AT THE ALTAR

*tim is sitting, just happy to be included*

Bruce: BE-quiet.  They're ADOPTED!

Jason: *not a beat missed* Because he’s never known the touch of a woman.

[gothamundernightlight]

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

*Bruce interviewing for a new sidekick

Bruce: Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental disorder or experienced any childhood trauma?

Kid: Not yet.

Bruce: I can fix that.

[beyond-the-stars-fairy]

Jason, stops walking and turns around : What?

Tim : ...I lost my shoe.