#<-im putting it in the main tag love and light etc etc

[lincolndjarin]

Oh Honey. ✩ Chapter 4

chapter four : painting the roses red

series masterlist ao3 kofi main masterlist

a/n : omfg im so sorry for how long this took to get out, with finishing another a fic and the holidays ive been swamped and this chapter was a bit of a monster (haha) so it took a lot of writing and rewriting but i'm relatively pleased with how it turned out. i hope y'all enjoy the penultimate chapter of oh honey!!

pairing : monster!joel miller x mortician!reader

rating : 18+ mdni - explicit content, read all warnings

word count : 11.7k

summary : feeling are hard, especially when your boyfriend is a blood thirsty monster and you’re supernaturally attracted to him.

warnings, etc. : dead dove do not eat, angst, graphic violence, language, smut, joel and reader are both not in good headspaces, dubcon (reader & joel are compelled to be together, all sexual acts are consensual but there is a uncontrolled attraction between the two characters), fingering in every sense of the word, joel is real beastly in this, spit kink (so much spit guys), oral m&f receiving, monster sex, vaginal&anal penetration, double penetration, body horror, rough sex, tit fucking, thigh fucking, cock warming, cum eating, size kink, period sex, blood drinking, gore, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, you know how joel has a big dick in every fic? what if he was literally 8 feet tall and an actual monster? that's how big his dick is in this, somnophilia, spit as lube, i'm making a lot of stuff up regarding vaginal&anal elasticity, biting, marking, death, readers hair is long enough to pull, i'm probably missing tags cause this chapter is a lot but tldr - joel is a monster with a monster cock and he's putting it in all sorts of places. this is a monster fucker fic - proceed accordingly

“Joel…” You give him a wary look as he bares his teeth at you, a low rumble starting in his throat as your instincts kick in. “Joel!” You yell like you would if you were scolding a dog and he freezes in place. 

Your head is fuzzy and you can only hope that his is as well. That supernatural attraction you have for him suddenly feels as if it’s increased tenfold. 

He doesn’t just smell good anymore. He has an aura now, the air around him is heavy, like you’re breathing in water. The scent of it is thick with lavender and peppermint, it’s a fresh and earthy smell that makes you want to inhale deeper. 

You want to touch him, taste him. His skin looks so smooth like this, pulled taut and tight, you have to fight the urge to run your fingers across it just to see if it’s as silky as it looks. You want to grab him by the antlers and hold him in place so you can just breathe in the floral smell of his breath. 

He hovers above you, unmoving as if waiting for a command. His large glassy eyes give you a curious look and you take the opportunity to sit up a bit straighter. 

He’s scratching the hardwood. 

It’s the silliest detail to focus on but Joel clearly loves his home, he takes such good care of it and the last thing you want is for him to accidentally destroy it in this state. So you do the only thing you can think to do on such short notice. 

“Let’s go to bed Joel. I’m tired.” You get to your feet extremely slowly, he backs up enough to let you stand. Practically purring when you hold your hand out, he reaches his out to meet yours. Your entire hand fits in his palm so you just take one of his fingers, wrapping your hand around it as you lead him down the hall. When you open his bedroom door he rushes in excitedly, curling up on the mattress in the middle of the room. 

You reach up, turning the overhead light on but he immediately flinches, snarling as you quickly turn it off. 

“I’ll- umm, go get a lamp.” You turn to leave but a large hand grips your waist. You put your hands over it, carefully peeling his fingers off of you. “I’m just going to the living room… I’ll be right back.” He huffs. You feel his exhale on your back as you hurry out into the hall. Your stomach churns instantly. 

It’s hard to be away from him under normal circumstances but just being in a different room now makes you want to hurl. 

You move swiftly. Unplugging the first lamp you find. 

You should run. 

The smart thing to do right now would be to grab his keys off the counter, get in the truck, and call Tommy. 

But is that what you really want? 

You’re trying to think of any reasons you have to not be with Joel but your mind is so cloudy, you can’t recall a single thing. 

So you take the lamp back to his room. Plugging it in, dimly illuminating the room before shutting the door. 

Your body isn’t sure what to do. 

You’re afraid. More afraid than you’ve ever been. But also disturbingly aroused. He sits on the bed. If he had a tail you’re certain it'd be wagging. He looks so excited. How much of him is still Joel? Certainly not all of it, it seems like him but… beastly? He doesn’t seem to understand boundaries or human etiquette in general. 

But his eyes are Joel’s. 

It’s all of Joel’s personality traits with absolutely zero inhibitions. 

Once the lamp is plugged in and on he makes his way to the edge of the bed before reaching forward, one talon hooks onto your shirt collar. He tears through it, dragging you forward as you stumble into his lap. 

“You’re sleepy?” He grumbles. You nod frantically and he tosses you down onto the mattress. You land with a soft thud. You can add ‘not aware of his own strength’ onto the list of things you know about Joel in this form. 

He’s got a single pillow and a thin sheet. You lay your head on the pillow but have no time to grab the blanket as he lays down beside you, his entire body curled around you. 

Your face is pressed into his chest and you get a chance to inhale his sweet scent. 

It goes straight to your core. 

It feels like you must be gushing at this point. 

You decide to turn around. It doesn’t cross your mind to not turn your back on him until it’s too late. He grabs you, pulling you flush against him. His talons scrape across your clothes. Every slice has you wincing, you’re waiting to see blood but he’s careful. 

He never so much as nicks you. 

You remain unmoving through the process only watching until he begins to peel your clothes off of you until you’re in your underwear which he immediately makes quick work of. 

Okay. 

You're naked in bed with your monster boyfriend, what could go wrong?

“Pretty.” He speaks in a low bellowing tone. 

“Thank you, Joel.” You whisper back. “You’re pretty too.” He only exhales sharply in response. You go ridgid immediately when he slowly traces a claw up and down your stomach. When his hand begins dipping lower you instinctively recoil, thin scratch lines follow his movements, but he’s careful to not ever break the skin. “Not there-” He holds a hand in front of your face, letting you watch as he retracts it back into the skin, his maw nuzzling into the back of your neck as he does. You take his hand in both of yours, inspecting his fingers, seemingly no longer sharp but you’re still apprehensive. You hold him close to your face in an attempt to keep him away from your most sensitive bits, not wanting to take the risk of having your insides torn to shreds. He bumps an uncoordinated finger against your chin instead, poking at you until you apprehensively open your mouth a bit. Immediately he takes the opportunity to push a thick, gangly finger past your lips. 

You inhale sharply but you can’t help yourself as you run your tongue along the digit, his skin tastes like sugar cookies and before you’re even aware of what’s happening you’re completely lost in the taste. 

His fingers have practically tripled in size and as he tries to push another finger into your mouth your jaw aches at the stretch. 

“Ole-” Is all you can mumble out as he scrunches up tighter around you, your throat constricting around him as he probes deeper. Could he break your jaw like this? He definitely could, you’ve seen first hand what kind of violence he’s capable of yet for some reason you don’t push him away, he’s being careful eith you. 

Slow and methodical as he rests his head atop of yours he moves his fingers in and out of your mouth. It’s sort of like a blowjob. If you were blowing two boney dicks. It’s only a matter of seconds before you’re salivating wildly at the taste, your chin slick with drool as he watches each motion intently, slowing when your eyes begin to water. 

“So, so pretty.” He withdrawals his fingers, sucking them into his own mouth before languidly letting his tongue drop out of his maw, licking up the spit from your chin. You’re gasping faintly, his tongue is hot silk on your lips as he slides the appendage into you. The sound is obscene as he runs his tongue along the inside of your cheeks and across your teeth, tasting every single inch of you that he can reach, and he reaches pretty far. You gag when he pushes in deeper, his jaw practically wrapped around yours as delves deeper. Finally you retch when his tongue slides into your throat and he withdrawals, licking any remnants of your saliva from your lips before staring at you with a satisfied look.  

“Sleep?” Even when he whispers it feels like he’s shaking the very foundation of the house.

“Yes Joel, we should sleep.” Your voice is already raspy from the brief interaction. He picks the blanket up between two talons, pulling it up over you before wrapping himself around you entirely, caging you against his chest and between his arms. 

You should be afraid, you should be absolutely appalled by everything that’s just happened but you’re tired. You’re so, so, tired and Joel is warm. And he’s safe, no one and nothing can hurt you here with him. 

You haven’t slept well in ages. 

And he smells so nice.

When his breathing slows and the large expanse of his chest heaves you shut your eyes, unable to find the energy to do anything else.

You wake with a start when Joel bumps his face against yours, when you open your eyes he’s staring at you rather nervously, a slight anxiety behind the darkness of his eyes. 

“Are you hungry?”  He mumbles, knocking a few items towards you on the bed. You stare at the bottle of water and poorly constructed sandwich, the bread squished and torn. You can’t help but smile at the gesture.

“Thank you.” You sip at the water before eating the messy sandwich, it isn’t terrible, and he clearly made an effort. You stifle a laugh at the thought of him in this state maneuvering around the kitchen. He sits patiently beside you, occasionally scratching at his antlers until you’re finished. Once you’re taken care of in that regard he makes a hushed whining noise that has your head turning in an instant. “Are you okay?” It almost sounds like he’s in pain as you scoot towards him, keeping the blanket held up against your chest to maintain some sense of your modesty. He nods, almost looking bashful as the parts of his face that are still intact blush red. 

“Can you sit with me?” He motions towards his lap as you nod, moving to sit between his legs with your back to his chest. His hands go to touch you but he stops himself hovering above you until you nod. 

“It’s okay, you can touch.” You’re less nervous now that you’ve had him in your mouth, certain he isn’t going to tear into you. And with that his hands pull down the blanket. He tosses it aside as he pushes your legs up onto his, spreading you wide open as he rests his head on your shoulder, inhaling deeply. He makes sure you can watch him retract his claws before he tilts his head forward before letting a thick line of saliva fall down his tongue onto your breasts, watching with heavy breaths as it falls down your body until it crests above your mound. With a sharp inhale you can feel him drip along your seam. Once it’s where he wants it he happily glides his fingers across your core, rubbing his spit in, before you’re even a little ready for it he your entrance, pushing a finger into you as the air is punched out of your stomach by the suddenness. He leans forward to get a better view as your pussy sucks him in. 

You’re dizzy. Drunk purely off of his touch as you lean back to rest against him as he pushes further till you’ve taken his entire finger. Delicately, like you might break, he fucks you with the digit, it isn’t until he begins moving in and out that you see the mixture of slick that pouts out of you like a fountain. Some of it’s his spit but the rest is an intricate design of reds, pinks, and whites. You hadn’t even remembered you were on your period, everything has been such a whirlwind. 

He doesn’t seem to mind getting his hands dirty. If anything the sight of blood seems to egg him on as he speeds up, opting to curl his finger every so often to press the spongy nerves there that make your ankles dig into the mattress and your back arch off of him. Your stomach tightens with every press of the tip of his finger against your insides. 

“Joel- oh my god, Joel please.” You ramble a messy chant of his name as his other hand glides down your torso. He barely even has to ghost his fingers over your clit to make you lurch forward, seeing stars as he holds you tight. Your walls tighten around him as you come with a choked up cry. 

The second you come you don’t even have a second to breathe before he’s lifting you up by your hips, squeezing to maneuver you so you’re flat on your back and held up by your ankles

“Joel!” You yelp in surprise but you're silent the second he reaches up to put his finger into your mouth, your tongue melting against his skin, reveling in the taste of the mixture. The sharp tang of your own fluids is present but they’re overpowered by the traces of his saliva. Your eyes shut as your hands grab his wrist, sucking him clean in the process. It’s warm, like how scotch would go down but it tastes like maple syrup and you just can’t stop. 

You want more. More Joel, as much as he’ll give you. You grip his finger with your lips as he removes it with a faint pop, settling down by your legs. His crooked spine curls up even when he lays on his stomach like this. In any other instance you’d feel self conscious of the way he examines your most intimate areas in the lamp light but you’re too blissed out to care. You start to prop yourself up to look down at him but just as you do he starts touching you again. You collapse down onto the mattress with a filthy moan as he pushes his finger back into you, with much more ease this time around. As his pointer finger twitches and wiggles around within you you feel his middle finger drifting lower. You’re so slick between your legs because of everything that he doesn’t need any sort of lubricant to press into your other hole. You’re thankful for how slow he goes. Alternating between soft nudges against your g-spot to deeper presses into your ass as he tries to fill you as much as possible. 

The sound of flesh slapping together fills the room as he begins moving rapidly, in and out, and in and out, and in and out. Until you can’t think straight. You don’t make a sound, only able to open your mouth in a silent scream accompanied by gasps. 

You aren’t entirely sure what his intentions were with how long he fucks you on his hand until he finally pulls it away, his breath hot as he salivates at the sight of your twitching, puffy holes. 

He was warming you up to take his tongue. 

Once his mouth latches onto you he can’t control himself. Immediately he delves into the soaking wet heat between your thighs, poking and prodding every nerve and sensitive spot within you. You watch with morbid fascination as he unhinges his jaw enough to fully envelop your pussy. His teeth graze the plush skin of your mound as he pushes further into you, the tip of his tongue pokes at your cervix but he just keeps pushing. 

“Ah-” You gasp, hands darting downwards to grab at his curls, holding tight as he flattens the base of his tongue against your clit. In one fluid moment he pulls himself out of you, sliding down, prodding at your asshole. It’s a foreign sensation as he licks up and down, from your puckered hole back up to your clit. It leaves you buzzing and craving more. He teases between your clit and hole, slurping and humming, as if he were eating a delicious meal. 

You don’t do anything but stare at the ceiling trying to stay conscious as he pulls orgasm after orgasm from your weeping cunt. When your legs begin to shake and go limp on either side of his head he grunts in discontent, simply picking up each of your ankles and setting them on his antlers as if they were stirrups. He seems to prefer you in that position and you do too, you don’t have to worry about anything other than remembering how to inhale and exhale, and he has all the access he could possibly want to the home he finds between your legs. 

Funnily enough he’s more human than ever when his face is pressed into your folds. He certainly talks more, constantly mumbling into your tender flesh. 

“S’ so sweet.” It isn’t the first time he’s said that, you can’t help but wonder what you taste like to him. His mouth is a bloody mess as his lips wrap around your hole as best they can, trying to pull more blood from you. When he briefly pulls away he exhales, satisfied, before returning to his work. “So- so fuckin’ sweet.” He growls, the vibrations pulling an almost painful orgasm out of you. “Fuckin’ made for me.” 

He’s relentless and endless. 

When he knows you can’t take anymore he gives you small breaks. Nipping at your thighs and chest to satisfy himself instead. He doesn’t break the skin, just scraping his teeth against you while trailing the faint sting with his tongue. You come to your senses briefly as he’s dragging his teeth over your pebbled nipple. There’s no more shame or hesitation, you can’t control yourself as you grab him by the antlers, bringing up to your face as you hungrily open your mouth. He obliges immediately, spitting onto your waiting tongue before going back to his work. 

It doesn’t take much after that for you to be completely gone. Melting into his eager maw, letting him have you entirely. 

Are you still conscious? If your eyes are open they aren’t seeing anything. You’re pretty sure you’re asleep. If you are, it isn't slowing him down in the slightest but you can’t complain, you couldn’t form a sentence if you tried. 

You just let yourself sleep.

And you don’t dream. 

His head is using your stomach as a pillow as he snores softly. There’s a bottle of water thrown down beside you that you gratefully take, drinking the entirety down in one go. 

The sound of your drinking makes him stir. 

When he wakes he crawls upwards, he presses something sort of like a kiss to your lips before adjusting you both.

He lifts you into his lap, cradling you between his thighs as he rubs you down against the tent in his pants. As far as you can tell he hasn’t sought any relief of his own these last couple days but it certainly feels like that’s what’s about to happen. You can feel his monstrous cock against your legs, you hadn’t even considered until just now that it would have gotten bigger along with the rest of him, too distracted by everything else, but you’re suddenly aware of how just massive the thing pressed against you is, a small tree trunk nestled between your thighs as his fingers pull your ankles apart to further rub himself into you.

One large hand holds you in place as the other tears at the pants you still can’t believe survived his transformation, they don’t survive the small razors of his talons though as he slices through the flimsy fabric and your mouth falls open in disbelief. 

He slaps his length down onto your stomach, pulling you down so you’re essentially sitting with it between your legs. His breath is hot and heavy against your face. 

It’s as if he’s sizing himself up, trying to figure out just how far into your stomach he’d go. Your fear is apparent as you stare down at the sheer size of him. 

A tree trunk was definitely an exaggeration. 

It’s closer to a baseball bat. 

To accomplish his size his foreskin has pulled back a bit, now giving you a perfect view of his leaking tip, angry and red. 

You gulp, almost comically. 

How the fuck are you supposed to fit something the size of your forearm into your vagina? The simple answer is you aren’t, at least not now. He lays you back down on the bed, your heart rate picks up at the thought of him trying to squeeze himself into you but thankfully he moves upwards instead. 

He sets his dick down onto your sternum. His massive hands come down to push your chest up, trying to wrap your tits around his length roughly as you gasp. 

“Joel- Joel let me do it, hon.” You gently lift your own hands to remove his, carefully avoiding his extended claws as you do so. He grunts but relents, placing his hands on either side of your head as he lets a thick line of spit fall off of his tongue onto your tits. Without missing a beat he begins to rock himself between them. 

Slow and steady at first but quickly he picks up his pace, grunting and clawing at the mattress around you as he tilts his head back. You can’t help yourself as you open your mouth, letting his cock head slide in and out of your mouth. It’s the closest you’re gonna get to blowing him when he’s this size. 

If you thought he’d tasted good before you’d been sorely mistaken. He tastes comfortable and familiar now, like hot chocolate and marshmallows. 

Sweet and sticky as he leaks onto your tongue. 

He doesn’t last very long at the speed he’s going, needy and desperate to paint your face.

With a few more quick thrusts he falls forward, his body arching over yours as he comes with a snarl, tearing into the mattress, as your face is coated in his cum, more than you’ve ever seen before. Enough to completely cover the bottom half of your face as your mouth falls open. You’re ravenous in your efforts to lick it up. When he calms down a bit he leans back to help you, scooping up his spend with his fingers and pressing it onto your tongue. With greedy little sounds you swallow every last bit. 

“You’re okay?” He mumbles as you sit up. 

“I’m good.” You smile, when was the last time you thought clearly? Your head is spinning, everything about him is too good to be true. It’s as if you never feared him at all. 

He gives you a few minutes to recover before he’s raring to go again. You watch as his cock slaps up against his stomach as he stares at you. 

“Already?” You give him a skeptical look as he nods. He picks you up once more, spreading your legs apart as he settles himself between them. 

Grabbing you by your hips he begins to move you up and down. The only effort you have to make is squeezing your thighs around him, he does the rest for you, stroking you up and down his length as if you were his own personal fleshlight. Your tits bounce with each slam downward, you cunt aching from the friction. Eventually he spits again, watching as the string falls down to his cock, effectively coating him and making it easy to move you quicker. When he leans down, licking the pulse points on your neck you wrap your fingers around his antlers in an attempt to steady yourself. 

He’s not touching you enough. 

He ghosts over your clit with every thrust but it just isn’t enough contact as you whine. After a few more agonizing seconds you feel a sharp pinch as he finishes across your chest. When he pulls away his front teeth are slick with blood. Your hand flies to your neck and you quickly find the source of your brief pain. He looks ashamed as you shake your head.

“It’s okay, you just got excited.” You whisper, he doesn’t shy away as you pull yourself up to wrap your arms around his neck. “It’s okay.” He hums softly and you feel him continuing to lap at the wound. 

He doesn’t give you a break this time around. 

Holding his hand in his lap as you ride his fingers, keeping your arms around his neck as you use him as leverage to help you lift up and off of him only to slam back down. You struggle to catch your breath as you chase that satisfaction you aren’t sure you’re ever going to reach. Will it ever be enough? Or will you always feel this painful hunger for him? 

You don’t get a chance to linger on your worries as he grinds his palm upwards into your clit, pulling an orgasm from your exhausted body. You’re so full, almost too full as you lay limply against him. Two monstrous fingers pressed into your weary cunt and one in your ass as you let out a sob of pleasure. 

“Joel- Joel I can’t do it anymore, I-I’m too tired.” You sniffle in his lap as he runs a hand through your hair.

“Can I- can I put it in while you sleep?” He mumbles. In any other circumstance you’d be furious at that kind of question but the idea’s too appealing. He’s too appealing. You nod and that’s all he needs. He lays back on the shredded mattress as you straddle his lap. His cock stands stiff in front of you as you trace a finger through the coarse hair at the base, lightly scraping your fingernails across the prominent vein running along the underside of his shaft before finally sitting up, trying to line him up at your entrance before taking a deep breath. 

“Jesus- fuck Joel.” You’re unable to form any sort of coherent sentence as you lower yourself down onto him. You’re thankful for whatever mysterious force makes you crave him so dearly because you’re certain that without it you’d be in immense pain, the ruddy head of his cock feels like a fucking grapefruit being squeezed into your vagina. It’s a slow, arduous process. He makes no effort to rush you, remaining quiet outside of his whimpers as you struggle to push him in deeper. It becomes clear at one point that he isn’t going to fit any deeper unless he wants to poke your lungs. You’re slick with sweat, panting as you look at him for approval. His eyes stare in awe at you, a finger tracing the vague bulge in your stomach where he rests inside of you. 

You’re so weary you just fall forward onto him. Laying your head on his chest, his cock pulsing within your walls, straining to adjust to him as both moan in unison. You want to stay awake, you want to ride him and watch his face as you take more and more of him but you’re so fucking tired you can’t even keep your eyes open. Trying to get just a bit of rest. 

He doesn’t seem to care what part of you he’s fucking as long as he gets to stick himself somewhere. At one point he tries to put it in your belly button and you have to swat him away. 

You don’t get much sleep, he doesn’t seem to need much of it so you don’t get any either. 

“Wake up.” You feel his maw rifling through your hair, his teeth softly scrape against the back of your neck. “Please.” 

You hum, half asleep, and reaching around in the darkness to gently push his face away as he huffs with indignation. 

“What��s wrong? Are you okay?” You massage the tense flesh of his jaw as he tilts himself down, nudging his nose against your face. 

“Missed you.” 

“Oh, honey, I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.” You murmur, a pang of sympathy fills your chest. “I’m just tired.” 

You’re always tired. 

You weren’t sleeping well before your monster boyfriend was spending every waking moment fucking you senseless and you definitely aren’t now. 

He whines, high pitched from the back of his throat. 

“You feel a lot of big emotions when you’re like this, don’t you hon.” Your voice is soft and raspy as you reach for him. 

“Got bored without ya.” He grumbles, leaning into your touch as you struggle to find his eyes in the darkness. 

You want to enjoy his praises more but you still aren’t l sure if it’s him at this, how conscious is the Joel you know in there?

“Joel?” 

“Hmm?” His tongue pokes at your jaw as he hums. 

“How much of this is really you? Do you remember our dates? Our fights?” 

“S’all me. M’just bigger.”

“Mhmm. Is it a little fuzzy for you? Being near me?” 

“S’warm.” It is. He’s like a goddamn furnace but you don’t care if you get burnt as long as you stay warm. 

“Yeah?”

“And fuzzy, I s’pose.” He inhales deeply, snout buried in your hair. “I like bein’ near you.” 

“I like being near you too Joel.” You’re almost certain you don’t. A nagging feeling in the back of your mind tells you that something is horribly wrong here. Any of those thoughts vanish though as you realize he’s still nestled deep within you, something that you’ve been waking up to more and more often. Your cunt flutters around him as you cautiously slide him out of you. A flood of relief washing over your sore muscles as you do so but the reprieve is short. 

He twists you around so you’re on your hands and knees, briefly thrusting haphazardly between your thighs before grunting in frustration, slapping himself down on your back. After a brief pause you feel the familiar sensation of his saliva on your lower back, his cock sliding through the mess as he plays with the meat of your ass. Eventually he moves, you’re a little worried he might try and fuck your ass like this but thankfully he seems more than content just rocking his hips against the swell of your cheeks, watching your holes twitch eagerly until he can’t help himself, sliding back into your still puffy cunt. 

“Christ Joel!” You squeal as he presses up into your cervix in one hasty motion.

You can practically feel him in your throat as he snarls, once again taking complete control over your body as he holds your hips, pulling you back onto his length. He’s so thick, splitting you open, pressing into every soft spot within you until you’re seeing spots in your vision. He’s hell bent on trying to squeeze himself into you entirely despite the fact that it simply isn’t going to happen. 

How long have you been here? 

As your mind wanders he seemingly senses your mood shift as a large hand begins rubbing soft circles into your clit until you forget any of your concerns. 

It’s easy to lose your train of thought when you’re coming your brains out. 

“Joel, Joel, Joel.” You gasp out as his grip on your hips tenses.

“Fuck- I fuckin’- bunny-” He unravels, face buried in your hair as he rambles. 

He isn’t far behind you, when you come he pulls out quickly. His cum coats your spine, a few flecks settling in your hair as you collapse, already tired again, now with a satisfied Joel laying on top of you. 

“Love you so fuckin’ much.” He mumbles, barely audible. 

You pretend not to hear it. 

It’s a never ending cycle. 

Wake up, fuck, drink water if it’s there, sleep, repeat. 

You don’t say anything but Joel as he wrenches the word from your throat over, and over, and over again. 

Until you wake up with his head between your legs, the moment you smiled down at him he pulled off of you with a grunt.

He stumbles back and away from you, groaning in pain, your instinct is to immediately go to him but he holds his hands up in front of himself to stop you. 

“Joel?”

Your hands fly to your ears, your palms trying to block out the sound of his wailing. It’s somehow worse, watching it in reverse. The way his bones break so suddenly, his skin ripples and does its best to adjust but it looks like agony as it tries to push itself back into its proper shape despite the fact that there’s simply too much blood in his body. He’s leaking out the excess. Eyes, ears, nose and mouth, the blood just has nowhere else to go. You want to help him, to hold him but you can’t seem to move, you’re a captivated audience to the macabre display. 

His mouth is the worst of it. His jaw retreats back into its proper place before the skin has time to mend and the teeth have time to retract, making a gruesome mess of the bottom half of his face as his mouth does it’s best to hold too many teeth that are too big and too sharp as the push his tongue back into his throat while butchering his lips, reducing them to bloody shreds. 

Finally your brain manages to move your limbs as you rush forward, taking his face in your hands, trying to calm him down as he roars, pained and frightened. You press your forehead to his, whispering to him. 

“Hey- hey you’re okay. You’re okay.” His antlers begin to retreat back into his skull with a wet crunching. Each inch further has him wincing and crying out as you rub the tender skin of his cheeks as the holes in the flesh splice back together. 

Until it’s finally over and everything is quiet. 

Then it happens. 

It’s like waking up.

Like you’ve been trapped in a dense, dense, fog. A salt and peppered, vanilla flavored, pine scented fog, and when the mist clears you see the truth that was hiding from you these past few days. 

And you see the monster. 

It doesn’t matter that he stayed here with you and didn’t hurt anyone during this cycle. It doesn’t matter that you’re ‘destined’ to be with him. And it doesn’t matter that he loves you. 

You’re looking at a monster. 

And that fact has nothing to do with the creature he turned into. He killed people, good people, innocent people. How the hell are you supposed to love him like this? 

You don’t love him. 

You can’t. He’s sick, he’s a murderer. 

And you haven’t even addressed Darlene in the slightest. 

He’s a monster, and a killer. 

And currently he’s sat across from you with a rather stunned look on his face, holding the blanket up over his waist, blood still slick on his skin. 

You do the only logical thing that comes to mind and you stand, walking out of the room, grateful that he doesn’t try to stop you. You search his laundry room for clothes, eventually finding a stretched out Fleetwood Mac shirt in the dryer and some basketball shorts that fit you well enough. 

You’re trying to recall the events of the last few days but it’s all so blurry it makes your head hurt as you walk back into the kitchen, desperate to just get out of here. 

Your phone is on the counter, dead, you don’t have a way out of here so with a sigh you unravel your charger, plugging it in on the counter. You listen for any signs of Joel but you hear nothing, a part of you wants to go check on him but you can’t bring yourself to face him. 

He’s a murderer. 

Why can’t you seem to remember that? 

Your stomach growls as your phone buzzes to life, your hunger taking priority as you start looking through his cupboards until you find a cereal box, not bothering to find a bowl you simply reach in. The generic sugary flavor coats your tongue as you try to remember the last time you ate anything. You certainly ate at some point, you’re pretty sure Joel didn’t eat, he’s probably hungry. You shove one last handful of cereal into your mouth before setting the box aside for him. As your phone slowly powers on you’re met with an ambush of notifications, you quickly grab the device, silencing it as you watch your screen fill with messages. The majority are from Maria but you have a few from an unknown number, you scroll through those ones first. 

[ hey are you good? Marias worried sick about you ] 

[ this is tommy btw ] 

[ i’m sorry ] 

He certainly knows what happened. Does he think you’re dead? His last message is from two days ago, Maria sent you about a dozen messages a day, some are still coming in. 

[ Are you okay? ]

[ Please text me back. ] 

[ I’m gonna send Tommy over. ] 

[ I wanted to tell you. I’m sorry. ] 

Lot’s of apologies, you aren’t sure you forgive them. You text Maria back regardless. 

[ can you send tommy to pick me up? ] 

You don’t bother telling her where you are, you know she knows. She’s typing for quite some time based on the little bubble you stare at until you finally get a one word response. 

[ Okay. ]  

You don’t bother collecting your things, a mess of restraints and tools still scattered around the room, when the truck pulls up outside you grab your phone, for the first time since you left him in his room you hear noise from the end of the hall. As the door creaks open you rush to the door, not even bothering with your boots as you run out barefoot across the grass to the truck.  

“Christ, you look like shit.” He jogs across the front of the hood to open your door, taking your hand as he helps you up and into the truck.

“Thanks, Tommy.” You grumble to yourself, you haven’t actually looked in a mirror in about a week and considering everything you probably do look a little unpleasant. He makes his way back around the truck, immediately defending himself as he gets back into the driver's seat.

“I’m just sayin’, could be worse. Maria and I were worried he might have-” Both your heads tilt up as you see Joel on the porch, holding up the stretched elastic of his barely held together pajama bottoms with one hand, a profound sadness in his eyes as he meets your gaze. 

“I’d like to go home now.” You murmur, thankfully Tommy makes no effort to talk to his brother, simply putting the truck in reverse and pulling out of the driveway.  

It’s painfully quiet. 

He doesn’t turn on the radio as the two of you drive in the silence. A silence that remains until you’re pulling into the driveway that leads up to your camper. You’re tired, confused and not in the mood for conversation as you mumble a ‘thank you’ and open the door, before you can even get the door halfway open he reaches across you, pulling it shut. 

“Wait.” 

“Tommy-”

“I’m not gonna make excuses.” He gives you a look that can only be described as pure desperation so you take your hand off the handle. 

“Fine.” 

“I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

You aren’t sure. 

“I know how Joel is when he’s like that, he’s got no self control.”

“I’m okay, Tommy.” Are you?

“You can always call me, or Maria, if ya ever need anything.” He says it in earnest as you nod. “And don’t worry about… everything, Maria always recovers within a few hours.” He gestures with his hands and you nod once more. There’s a brief moment of silence until you open the door again, this time without any resistance. “If we don’t hear from you Maria’s gonna come knockin’ on your door.” He tries to lift the mood as he laughs halfheartedly, you muster up a smile as you turn towards him.

“Thanks, Tommy.” You whisper before closing the truck door, not looking back as you twist the door knob. 

You take a long shower. 

Standing under the scalding water until it runs cold. Tommy was right, you do look like shit. Your skin is bruised in several places, especially your waist, despite the lack of pain. There are dark bags under your eyes as you run your fingers across the skin, and your hair is an entirely separate problem, tangled with dried spit and other fluids in certain parts. It takes ages to comb through it all with your fingers, you’re hopelessly trying to wash yourself clean of his scent. No matter how hard you try you can’t seem to be rid of the scent of pine that lingers on your skin. 

Eventually your fingers dip lower. You’re not sure what you’ll find but you’re genuinely surprised to find everything to be normal, you’re a little sore and tender in some spots but other than that you’re completely fine, once again Tommy was right. You step out of the shower, wrapping a towel around yourself before darting out into the kitchen, not bothering to change as you dial the name of the takeout place. You order a pizza, feeling absolutely famished as you search around for some clothes. You put a pair of thin pajama pants on, careful to not put too much pressure on your sore bits before grabbing Joel's shirt, pushing down the twinge of shame as you stare at the Fleetwood Mac logo in your mirror. 

You can’t help it.

It isn’t your fault he’s so easy to want. 

What had you been doing before you got distracted by Joel for… 

You check your phone,

Six days. 

Jesus. 

You shake the feeling of horror off. You were trying to find justice for your aunt. You’ve got a bit until the pizza’s delivered so you sit at your table, plugging her laptop in and opening a random folder, desperate to think about something other than those five days. 

Focus on Darlene. 

Do right by her.

Sleeping with the guy that killed her probably wasn’t the best way to do that but you shake the thought off.  

There’s more video files than you even know what to do with, as you flip through them you realize she was basically doing video diaries on a daily basis. 

“Fuck.” You grumble to yourself. It’ll take literal months to get through everything. After a few more minutes of trying to sort things out you find a video that is specifically named, standing out in a crowd of default files. When you scroll further you find a few more, you sort them into a separate folder until you have five files in total. 

Benni.mp4

Benita&Darlene.mp4

Eulogy.mp4

TrailCam18.mp4

JMiller.mp4

You stare at the list blankly before turning your gaze to the treeline outside. The sun is setting, Joel never came for you. You set the laptop on your bed, with trembling fingers you close the curtains around the camper before pouring yourself a glass of water. You take small sips, hoping the nerves that have plagued you all day might subside but you know they won’t. 

The pizza gets delivered. You eat slowly, putting off your task until you can’t any longer. 

Finally, when you can’t put it off anymore you go to your bed, sitting with your back to the wall as you open the first file. You’re mentally trying to recall how old Darlene was when she passed, the video is from nearly twelve years ago and you had thought she was significantly older, but the face you’re met with is startlingly similar to your own. There are a few glaring differences but she is no doubt related to you. Chewing your lip you press play. 

Benni.mp4

The camera shakes as your aunt takes a few steps back, an unseen spectator holds the camera, Darlene pushes up her boxy thick rimmed glasses as she laughs. 

“This, ladies and gentleman, is the new headquarters of the Mothman Maidens!” She takes a step to the side revealing the camper, brand new, with the for sale sign still on the window. 

“When did we agree on that name?” The voice behind the camera speaks. 

“You don’t like it?”

“Eh.” The camera shifts as the voice shrugs.

“Always so negative, bunny.”

“That’s even worse, I hate that.” 

“But you’re my bunny!”

“Your Benni. You know I hate that bunny shit.”

“Same difference.”

“Oh stop, hold this, let me do it.” She passes the camera to Darlene and now you’re watching a woman with bright red dyed hair and warm brown skin take her place. “Why are we doing this again?” The camera shakes as Darlene continues to laugh. 

“Because someday when we’re famous it’ll be good for us to have videos of our humble beginnings.”

“Clearly extremely humble.” She nods sarcastically before gesturing behind her. “I’m Benita Rivera and I’m joined by the incomparable Darlene Wilson in our newly purchased first home.” 

“Monster hunting headquarters.” Benita ignores her entirely, grinning from ear to ear as she begins walking backwards towards the camper. 

“My lovely lady here has insisted we move to the middle of nowhere so she can finally prove once and for all that she’s absolutely fucking bonkers.” 

“Ha ha.” Darlene mumbles, lighthearted and sarcastic. 

“Let me show you the rest, it’s way bigger on the inside.” With an exaggerated raise of her eyebrows she swings the door open, reaching for Darlene’s hand as she pulls her up into the camper, the familiar steps that you’re used to aren’t yet built. The camper looks extremely different. The interior is painted bright colors, the furniture is mostly metal and vinyl as they walk through the space, boxes scattered about the home until Darlene sets the camera on the counter to show off the two of them. Laughing as they dance around the kitchen. 

And then the video cuts. 

Benita&Darlene.mp4

The camera is being held by neither one of them now, an outside force films your aunt and Benita standing at what appears to be an informal wedding ceremony. Darlene dressed in navy blue dress pants with a clean white shirt standing across from Benita in a knee length eggshell sundress. Both of them grinning from ear to ear. You don’t recognize the man behind them who’s speaking, telling a story about the first time he met Darlene. 

“I now pronounce you wife and wife.” With a small chuckle he takes a step back, Darlene and Benita holding each other close as they kiss each other, people off camera cheering as they walk back down the aisle with each other. 

There’s a cut to the first dance. 

The two of them spinning around the small room, arm in arm. Adoration in each of their eyes as they laugh, Darlene pulling her close for another kiss. 

The rest of the video is spliced together clips of the wedding. 

The rest of the guests dancing, a toast where Benita calls her “my darling Darlene.” The cutting of the cake, and many, many kisses between the happy couple.    

And the video ends. 

Eulogy.mp4

The vibes have changed significantly, the camera now appears to be set up on a tripod, Darlene sits alone at the table in the camper. Her eyes are rimmed with red and her hair is falling out of a chaotic mess of an updo. Some time has to have passed based on the grays that now decorate her scalp. 

You have to check several times to make sure the video is playing, the screen seemingly frozen until she finally blinks.

“They wouldn’t let me attend the service.” She whispers, a hint of malice lingers on every word. “Said I’d just cause a scene.” Her jaw twitches as her expression of sorrow turns to rage. “I’m her wife. How could they not let me see her? They said it’d only upset me further, I know what that actually means, it means that that thing really did a number on her. They don’t want me connecting the dots.” She sniffles. 

She takes a deep breath. 

“Benita Isabella Wilson.” Her voice is already trembling. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I moved us here, and that you were involved in any of this. I don’t want to do this without you, yet here I am. Lost in the woods without my compass. I just don’t understand how this is fair. You were kind, you were good.” You watch as she gets more and more upset. “You didn’t even believe in any of this bullshit, you just wanted to be a part of my life. It should’ve been me, not you.”

She takes a deep breath, looking directly into the camera lens. 

“I’ll find the thing that took you.” 

The video ends. 

TrailCam18.mp4

The footage is grainy and extremely dark. Poor quality night vision of the woods, you don’t recognize the area but how could you, it all looks the same when you’re out there. Nothing happens for quite some time, just motionless green until in the corner you see a flash of movement followed by a disheveled man running into view, taking center stage as he trips over a tree root. He lands face first in the dirt, he can’t be much older than you as he rolls over to sit up and stare at something that hasn’t yet come into view, shaking and screaming. 

The trail camera doesn’t have audio and you’re forced to watch the slaughter in harrowing silence. 

You know what’s coming but it makes your stomach churn regardless. 

Joel. 

In all his glory. 

He has the appearance of a beast but even with the terrible camera quality you can see clear as day that it’s him.

Emerging from the trees, shoulder hunched forward as you watch the muscles of his neck twitch, knowing the tell tale sign of his snarl. His victim unfortunately can’t seem to find his footing, of course it wouldn’t matter if he did, he’d never outrun Joel. 

Turns out knowing he’s killed and actually seeing it are very different things. You feel sick as he grabs the struggling man by the back of the neck, slamming him into a nearby tree until the spastic movement of his legs and arms stops completely. 

You feel sick. 

Your lip trembles as you watch him feast. Tearing into the split open flesh as you look away from the sheer brutality of it. 

Thankfully the video cuts to Darlene sitting in the dark of the camper, the only light source appears to be coming from the laptop screen in front of her.

“I fucking knew it.” She lets out a harrowing squeal of laughter. “Joel fucking Miller.” 

There’s a manic look in her eyes as she swallows. 

“Joel Miller.” She repeats, sadder, this time. 

The video ends. 

JMiller.mp4

The video opens with a somehow worse looking Darlene setting up the camera seemingly above the fridge. She doesn’t bother brushing the tangles that fall in front of her face away, her hair now streaked with gray. She looks up at the camera, opening her mouth to speak but a knock at the door has her turning, immediately swinging it open to welcome Joel into her home. They exchange pleasantries like old friends as she pours him a mug of coffee and he sets down his toolbox. They talk for a few minutes before Darlene goes quiet, it’s barely noticeable but you catch the brief silence before she speaks once more. 

“Where were you this past week?” She sips her coffee. “It’s not like you to not answer the phone.” He shrugs, leaning back against the counter. 

“Contractor job out of state.” He responds with his usual seamless excuse as she nods. 

“Really? I drove past your place and your work truck was still there.” With another sip of her coffee the energy in the video changes drastically. A tension bubbling up between the two of them. 

“Tommy drove.” His answer is short and clipped as he sets his mug down behind him. 

“I went to visit Maria and Tommy was there. With your little one.” The conversation has a blatant hostility to it now as they stare at each other, a pause before Joel speaks again. 

“I meant to say I took Tommy’s truck.” 

“Tommy’s truck was parked outside of the house.”

Silence. 

Joel’s foot taps nervously on the tile as she stares at him, waiting for an answer. 

“Where were you Joel?” 

“That’s none of your business.”

“Why not just say that instead of lying?”

“Why am I suddenly bein’ interrogated?”

“What was so important that you had to be gone for a week and leave your young child behind?” If her goal was to make him snap it works.

“I will not have my ability to parent her questioned.” It almost sounds like a snarl, looks like it too with how he straightens up. He realizes his mistake quickly though, pinching the bridge of his nose as Darlene doesn’t so much as flinch. “What’s this about?” His voice has softened significantly.

Her expression is conflicted 

“I know what you did.” Is all she whispers as she turns to stare at him, the vibes going from upsetting to downright unbearable as you watch with bated breath. 

“Darlene…” For a fleeting moment you think he might actually confess. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. 

“Get out.”

“Please, I’m worried about you. You clearly aren’t in a good state of mind-”

“I want you to get out.” 

The footage cuts to black. 

You shut the laptop the second the video ends. The date had been a two weeks before Darlene died. 

Joel killed Benita. 

He probably killed Darlene.

You don’t want to move. You don’t want to do anything but you stand regardless, crawling into bed, clutching your phone in your hands. 

You’ve got a few missed calls from Joel but no texts. You’re too tired and too upset to deal with him right now, you’ll take care of it in the morning. You know what you want and you’re going to get it. 

No more lying and dancing around things.

You want answers and you aren’t taking no for an answer. 

Your head hurts. All the time. Time moves too slowly and too quickly and you can’t ever really seem to find your footing after seeing the videos.

[ are you working? ] 

[ everything okay? i can be there in ten ] 

You don’t want to be alone with him. You’re worried you won’t be able to control yourself. 

[ can we meet somewhere? ] 

[ of course ] [ whatever you want to do ] [ i can pick you up after work ] 

[ i’ll meet you there. see you at six. ] 

You send him to the place and turn your phone off, your nausea lets up a bit, as if your body knows you’ll see him soon. The smell of him that wafts off of his shirt helps a bit but you’re still aching for him despite how badly you wish you weren’t. You roll back over in bed, still exhausted as you set an alarm for later tonight. 

That’s how you end up in an empty Applebees. 

Just you and two waitresses who you watch play on their phones as you sit in the dimly lit booth. Your leg bounces up and down wildly as your eyes dart to the door.

Joel fucking Miller. You ignore the way your heart skips a beat at the sight of him in jeans and his green jacket. His eyes light up when he sees you but immediately shift to shame when he sees your expression. Brushing past the waitress he quickly rushes over to you, sitting across from you in the booth.  

He starts to speak but you silence him with a glare.

“Here’s how this is gonna work. I’m going to ask you some questions and you’re going to tell me the truth. You aren’t going to make shit up, or tell me I’m crazy, you’re just going to answer.” You look up at him expectantly, his expression is riddled with guilt as he nods.

“Okay-” He begins to start but you stop him once more.

“If you lie to me even once I swear to god I will leave and I will call the police. Are we understood?”

“Police aren’t gonna do anything…” He starts mumbling but the look on your face shuts him up. “I understand.”

“I want the truth. The whole truth, with no tricks or left out information, you’re going to tell me everything.” Your leg continues to bounce as one of the waitresses sets two waters down on the table, when she asks if she can get you something else to drink you both say no in unison. Watching as she scurries away.

“I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. No more lies.” He reaches across the table, trying to hold your hand but you quickly pull away. The smell of him is strong enough as is, you don’t need to feel his skin on yours, it’ll make you too vulnerable. 

“What are you?” Might as well start off with your most pressing questions. He chews his lip, as if he’s trying to figure out how to phrase it. 

“I’ve looked for answers, never found a proper name for it, Tommy seems to think we’re something adjacent to a wendigo.” You’re floored by the blatant honesty, a part of you assumed he was going to make things up again but it’s nice to know he isn’t hiding it anymore. Like a weight has been lifted off of you. 

“How long have you, you know, been like that.” 

“My whole life. Hard to predict when I’d lash out, it wasn't until you started your cycle that I would have found a strict schedule.”

“Did you know who I was?”

“No. I just knew you were out there, that’s how it is for the males, it’s easier for the women.” Women? You hadn’t considered there were others outside of the Miller brothers. 

“Is it just you and Tommy?”

“It’s genetic. My grandfather passed it to my mother, who passed it to Tommy and I.” He’s never spoken about his mother before but the way he scowls when he mentions her makes you want to avoid the subject. 

“So Sarah…?”

“It’s always been easier for her, she’s got the temper for it.” 

“When does she… transform?” 

“Whenever she wants, she’s not linked to anyone else the way we are, if she ever really lost her temper she might pop but she’s more mellow than the rest of us. Better than my mother ever was.” 

“Do you have control over it? Could you transform right now if you wanted to?” 

“Probably, I’ve never tried to do it on purpose, it doesn’t exactly feel great.” The sound of his bones popping in and out of place rings in your ears as you shudder. 

“So Sarah doesn’t ever do it?”

“She did when she was younger. Usually when I did she would too, just so she could stay with me. Once she became a teenager she stopped, I can’t remember the last time she changed.” He takes a sip of his water, clearly gauging your reaction to the onslaught of information he’s giving you. 

“Do you all eat the same thing?” He sits up a little straighter when you ask.

“No. Sarah never hurt anyone, ever. I made sure of it. Tommy doesn’t hurt anyone either.” 

But Joel does. 

“How am I supposed to forgive you, Joel?” The cold professional tone you’ve been managing to hold up is slipping as you lean closer to him and whisper. 

“Please-” He reaches for you again and you continue to move away. 

“You killed Darlene.” You’re losing your composure quickly. 

“I didn’t.”

“You killed her wife.” 

“It was an accident.” He sounds like he’s in pain. Like the mere reminder of his actions is hurting him but you can’t stop. 

“How many accidents have you had?”

With that he goes silent and you can’t help but assume the worst.

“It was less before you moved here.” He mumbles, the statement makes bile rise in your throat.

“So it’s my fault?” Your voice pitches up causing the waitress who’s headed in your direction to make a sharp turn in the other direction. 

“That’s not what I’m saying.” He whispers, clearly trying to calm you down but it isn’t working in the slightest. 

“It sure sounds like it is.”

“It used to be only one or two every cycle-”

“Only?” Your eyes are wide at the ruthlessness of the statement. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? That you only killed one or two people? Those people had families, they had lives.”

“You think that doesn’t bother me?” He’s starting to lose his nerve as well the silverware clinking as he slams his hand down on the table. 

“Clearly it doesn’t since it was only one or two.” His anger doesn’t scare you anymore. You’ve seen him at his worst, nothing scares you anymore. 

“Stop putting words in my mouth.” He begs, voice getting softer as you watch the waitresses staring at you from across the restaurant. 

“I’m only repeating what you just said.” You hiss, trying to make your conversation look less confrontational. “What about Tommy? He only eats animals. Why can’t you just do that?.”

“I’m not Tommy.”

“Have you tried?”

“I can’t try anything, I’m not in control.”

“You listened to me, what if I told you to only eat animals?”

“You don’t want to see me eat.” Sure, it’s upsetting but you could learn to live with it. The image of the man he smashed against the tree flashes through your mind and you move on. 

“What did you mean when you said you didn’t kill Darlene?”

“I- I couldn’t do it, couldn’t bring myself to hurt her. Tommy did it for me.” In a disturbing sort of way you almost find peace in that fact. 

“I thought Tommy didn’t hurt people?” As your conversation quiets the two girls thankfully turn back to their phones. 

“Only a few over the course of his life, mostly when he was younger or if a hiker was unfortunate enough to stumble across him when he was already feeding.” 

You open your mouth to ask more questions only to realize you don’t have any more. At least not any you can think of in this state. 

You thought this would take longer but he’s been open and honest and you don’t know where to go from here. You have your answers. Even if you don’t like them, now you’re in a weird state of limbo. 

You stand up, unable to stand how stuffy it is in here, thick with his scent as you walk towards the door. He hurries after you, throwing a tip down on the table despite the two of you never ordering. 

It’s cold but easier to breathe outside, he can’t fill the entire world with his smell and the breeze helps you think clearer as you stare at him hopelessly. 

“So what do we do?” You finally ask, unable to avoid the inevitable. 

“I’ll do whatever you decide, whatever you want.” 

That’s the problem. You don’t know what you want, nothing makes sense and you hate him for what he’s done but as much as it bothers you you don’t want to lose him. 

“I could leave, move back to the city.” You offer up, unsure of any other possible options. 

“If your goal is to keep people from dying, that's the last thing you want to do.” There’s a beat as you glare at him, waiting for some sort of elaboration. “I’ll find you. Even if I don’t want to, the minute I lose control I will come after you and I seriously doubt that you want me running around a heavily populated area like that.” 

Great. 

“So I’ll stay and we’ll break up.” 

“You really believe you’ll be able to stay away if I’m just down the street? You think I’ll be able to control myself when the time comes again? Now that I know your- your taste? I won’t stay away.” 

“Fine, fine…” Your mind is desperately racing for some sort of conclusion to this nightmare. “Maybe we should invest in some sort of tranquilizer? We could keep you docile when you’re-”

“Tommy and I have already tried that, doesn’t matter. He shot me up with five doses of bear tranquilizer and I didn’t so much as yawn.”

“So I can’t move away, I can’t break up with you, and we can’t calm you down in the slightest. This is perfect Joel, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Let you keep killing people and pretend I don’t see the massacred state of every body that comes across my table?” A few stray tears start falling as you hastily wipe them away with your sleeve. 

“You could kill me.” He mumbles as you scoff.

“Be serious.” You shoot him a glare but his expression doesn’t change. 

“I am.” 

“I’m not doing that.”

“Why not? No one else gets hurt, and you’re free to go.” He can’t seriously be suggesting this. 

“What about Ellie?” 

“I’ll talk to Tommy, he can take her.”

“Don’t.” You stand up straighter. trying to look stern as you scowl at him, unfortunately it ends up feeling more like a pout. 

“What?” He looks tired too. Does being away from you cause him the same distress that you feel?

“Don’t talk about this like I’d ever seriously consider such a thing.”

“There aren’t any other options. You don’t want to be with me, what else are we supposed to do?”

“What about this last week? When I stayed with you you didn’t hurt anybody.” He fed on you, that much is clear now. 

“You really want to do that every month for the rest of our lives? That lust filled state for five days straight with no end in sight? You barely survived one week of it.” He’s got a point but what are your other options?

“I was fine.” 

“You barely ate, you were dehydrated.” He steps towards you but you don’t flinch this time. 

“What if we just lock you up? With iron chains or something.” Your voice is dripping with despair now, there’s barely any fire left behind your words. 

“If I don’t eat something I die.” 

“There has to be another option.”

“You don’t want us to be together and we can’t be apart. I just don’t see any other ways for this to work.” He sighs, rubbing his temples as he stares at the pavement. 

“I never said I didn’t want to be together.” You whisper and he immediately looks back up at you. 

“Do you?”

You do. 

“I don’t know.” You’re on the verge of tears again as you stare at him. Joel. Your Joel. Made for you and waiting for your decision Joel. Joel who was honest with you, so you should be honest with him. “Everything hurts without you and it hurts with you and I want to forgive you. I really believe that someday I could but not if you keep killing.” 

He stares at you, never looking away, pity in his eyes. 

“I love you.” He murmurs. It’s the last thing you need to hear right now. 

“Don’t say that.” 

“I do. And I know that that means less because I am genetically predisposed to unconditionally loving someone, and I’m sorry that it’s you.”

“Stop it. We barely even know each other. We’ve been dating for a few months.” You’re going to lose it completely if he doesn’t stop, your mind feels so fragile, if he isn’t careful you’ll shatter completely. 

“I know that. And I love you.”

“Don’t do this.” You’re begging now but he refuses to let up. 

“I’m sorry that you have to be loved by me.” 

“Joel. Stop it.” 

“And we both know why you won’t kill me.”

“I don’t need a reason to not want someone dead.” You wipe the endless stream of tears that now flow. 

“Just say it, it’s easier to just say it.” He looks so soft right now. So harmless as he speaks with that low drawl. 

“It’s not true.” You whisper, willing it not to be. 

“You love me.” He says it like it’s some universal truth, it makes you want to slap him. 

“I don’t, I’ve only known you a few months, and you’re a terrible boyfriend.”

“I could be a good boyfriend. If you let me. Let me try, let me earn your forgiveness, please.” He looks as upset as you feel now. His eyes, big and sad. 

“You killed people. You’re going to keep killing people.” If you don’t remind yourself of that you’ll forget. Being near him will make you forget. 

“Do you think that’s the life that I wanted for myself?” His voice cracks and when you don't respond he just keeps going. “I didn’t want someone to be forced to want me, I didn’t want to turn into a fucking monster once a month, and I never wanted anyone to get hurt!”

You both stare at each other for a beat of silence before you burst into sobs. It’s too much. Every single thing right now is just too much. What are you supposed to do now as you stare at him? A man who loves you, willing to do anything he can to make you happy, even if it means dying. 

“Joel.” Your lip quivers as you stare at him, a suffocating despair clouding over both of you as he steps forward, his gaze softening as he pulls you into his arms. 

“We’ll figure it out, bunny. I promise, we’ll be okay.” 

It certainly doesn’t feel that way. 

He takes your face in his hands, staring at you with an intensity you’ve grown accustomed to. 

“Let me make this right. Please, bunny, just let me fix this for you.” He whispers, kissing your forehead. 

You’re so tired. 

You just don’t want anyone else to get hurt, Joel included. 

You’re tired of being afraid. You’re tired of being confused. You’re tired of feeling like you’re crazy. 

You've been tired since you moved here.

So you nod. 

“Let me love you.” He mumbles as he wraps his arms around you again, both of you reflexively inhaling the scent of the other. 

“Okay.”

want to know what monster joel looks like? you can find out here because there is now wonderful art of him -> monster!joel art

want updates on chapters? follow @lincolndjarinnotifs !!

[streamafterlaughter]

Safe

masterlist | nav

summary: a night out with your friends turns sour, but you’re rescued by an unexpected hero

A/N: i wrote a chapter based on this post for my main fic, but feel a desperate need to write it again putting more detail into it bc i love a fictional man covered in blood idk what to tell you!!! let me know if you want a part II, im feeling a miniverse comin’ on (dw, chapter 23 of FD is in the works, i promise!) reblogs and comments always appreciated!

tags/tw: friends to lovers, mentions of sexual harassment, blood, violence (eddie gets in a fight), swearing, slut shaming, confessions, drunkish!eddie. (lmk if i missed something!) fluff, angst, slight hurt/comfort. reader and eddie are about 22-23, out of high school, happy etc etc. best friend!robin and best friend!steve feature, of course.

—

Your friendship had been simple, at first. You and Eddie had met as kids, before boys had cooties and girls were lame. Eddie had been cornered on the playground, by some giants in the grade above you. They'd shoved him against the chain link fence, their greasy leader demanding he hand over his lunch money. When Eddie blubbered that he didn’t have any, that he hadn’t eaten lunch in weeks, the goons cackled at him, shoving him to the ground while calling him things like “trailer trash.” You couldn’t stand it, even at eleven years old. The poor kid, with hair buzzed closely to his scalp, dressed in all black, carrying around a battered notebook with doodles of dragons on its cover. Your face had warmed with anger, hands balled into fists ready to swing on the group that would outnumber you five to two, or five to one if you were being realistic. This kid clearly wasn’t a fighter.

“Hey!” You had shouted, stomping your worn out converse against the mulch of the playground. “What the hell are you doing, Jared?” You hadn’t been afraid to get in the kid’s face, brows furrowed together as you jabbed your tiny finger into his puffed out chest. “What’s he ever done to you, huh? I don’t think it’s his fault your mother left.” You know now, it wasn’t the nicest thing to say, but it had worked. Jared’s goons had gone silent, anticipating his retort, but all he’d done was cry. What a bitch.

When he’d run, tail tucked between his legs, you’d turned to the cowering boy behind you, offering your hand. “You okay?”

He’d nodded, clearly still shaken up but trying to be brave. “I can take care of myself.” Of course, it had been embarrassing. Not because you were a girl, or younger than him, but you were braver. You didn’t give a shit what people thought of you. Even then, he could tell. You were fucking cool.

”Yeah, sure looked like it. Whatever. I’m Y/n.” You held out your hand to him again, this time to shake, like you were a seasoned lawyer, or something.

“Eddie.” He’d taken your hand, given it a brief shake, but you could tell he was nervous by the way your palm stuck to his.

”Hi, Eddie. You wanna walk to Benny’s with me? Get some burgers?”

He’d shaken his head. “I don’t have money.”

You’d only shrugged. “I got it.” You didn’t think mentioning that Benny was your uncle, or that you and your friends could always eat free, was worth mentioning. From that day on, you and Eddie had been inseparable.

—

The Hideout is loud. You’re wrapped around your best friend’s arm as he leads you through the bar. It’s the only time you’ve seen this place busy, let alone filled with people that don’t qualify for a discount at Denny’s.

The crowd must be the fault of the band. They're full of life on the tiny stage in the back of the bar, somehow convincing patrons to take to the sticky wooden floor to dance.

“You wanna drink, sweets?” You hear him even over the loud music, like a siren call meant only for you.

“Yes, please!” You look up at Eddie, who’s already staring at you. His rich brown eyes sparkle in the dancing stage lights, and you find your tongue in knots at the sight of him.

He nods, sliding his jacket from your shoulders before seating you at a table. “I’ll be right back!” He promises before skipping off to the bar. You keep your eyes trained on him, hypnotized by the way he glided towards the bar, weaving between the mass of gyrating bodies.

You can’t exactly pinpoint when your feelings for him started changing. You assume it had to have been high school. He started growing his hair out, dressing in leather and denim, and listening to a lot of heavy metal. Something about it was attractive to you, watching your best friend become the man he is now, at twenty three years old.

Even with an exterior most find scary, Eddie is still the kindest soul you know. That’s what really pulled you in. He’s always treated you with kindness and care, never once letting you leave his house angry, and knowing just what to say to calm you down. He always makes sure you’re home safe after a night drinking, sometimes even willing to forfeit his own fun to drive you to your place, or crash at his trailer.

Of course, these feelings have stayed stuffed deep, deep down. You can’t bring yourself to ruin what you have with him, risking your closest friendship to maybe be told what you want to hear.

“Hey! You still in there?” Eddie waves his decorated hand a few inches from your face, and you’re dragged back to earth. He places your drink on the table in front of you.

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Penny for your thoughts?” He rests his chin on his knuckles, full attention on you, and you feel your face warm.

“Just happy to be out with you is all.” Not a lie, but not exactly the truth. Safe.

“Alright.” He’s never been one to pry. “You wanna dance?” The song has changed to something slower, and you try not to read into his timing as you nod your head cautiously, taking Eddie’s hand as he leads you to the floor.

Eddie places his hands on either of your hips, and you can’t help but stiffen. “This alright?” He must have felt it too.

“Yes, yeah,” You stumble to reassure him, nervous you’ll scare him off. He’s always been such a gentleman, so careful with you.

You drape your arms around his neck loosely, casually. Safely. Still just two friends, swaying to some angst ridden tune you can’t understand the words to.

—

It’s later when Steve and Robin arrive, already drunk from spending the night at a concert in the city. You’re still not down for the count, and Eddie’s nursing his sixth drink of the night as the music has switched from guitar driven to computer beats coming from a turntable.

“Since when does The Hideout hire DJs?” Robin shouts over the bass driven music, eyes squinting in the bright lights.

“Ever since the place sold to some big wig in Indy, they’ve been doing this shit on weekends!” Eddie informs her as Steve starts talking about how “this is actually a great business tactic.” You decide now is a good time to slip back to the bar for a refill.

Unfortunately, you are one of about fifty people to have that idea, and you groan as you fight to find an open space along the counter. You mumble “excuse me” after “sorry” after “move, please!” until you’ve almost reached the front. As you’re about to order, you feel a hand squeeze your ass.

You whip your head around, and come face to face with a large, muscular man in a tight t-shirt and even tighter jeans.

“Hey, baby,” He winks, the disgusting smirk on his face sending a chill through your body. “You here all by yourself, gorgeous?” Your throat tightens. This is what it’s like, you know that. You shouldn’t be by yourself, that was your mistake. Your throat tightens, impossibly dry, before looking back up at this man. He is seemingly a foot and a half taller than you, likely able to break you in half using only his bicep, and he’s is standing way too close. You can even smell the whiskey on his tongue. “Uh, well,”

“Cmon, let’s go dance, huh?” He interrupts, snatching your wrist with an iron grip, and you squeeze your eyes shut as he leads you towards the dance floor, already formulating an escape route. You’ll say you need to use the bathroom, then you’ll find your friends and leave. Easy enough, right? Unfortunately as you reach the dance floor, the song slows again and you find yourself flush against this beast of a man, his big arms caging you into his chest. You feel the tears start to well in your eyes, blurring your already obscured vision. Your heart drops into your stomach when you realize you are completely, fully, and hopelessly trapped.

—

“Sooo,” Robin turns to Eddie, who’s been staring across into space, daydreaming about you for the last five minutes. “Where’s your girl?”

“What?” He’d heard her, but he wants to hear it again. And again and again.

“Your baby, dingus! You’re one true-“

“Would you shut up?” He interrupts her slurring of teasing, aching jabs, feeling his face heat up with every syllable. “She’s not my- y’know, she’s not mine.”

“Oh, please!” Steve snorts, causing Eddie to whip his head to look at him. “We all know she’s yours, and you’re hers, and all that romantic bullshit, okay? No use trying to squirm out of it. Be grateful you got that much. We all know she loves you.”

He rolls his eyes, but his heart is skipping with each word. He wants to believe them, desperately. He can’t bring himself to have those hopes, though, not about you. He’d only disappoint you, or scare you off when he got too close. It’s better, keeping you at a distance. Safer.

“Is that… No,” Robin looks beyond Eddie, and he turns to follow her gaze. He finds you easily, the only figure he’d recognize in such a loud, multicolored environment. You’re squished against a boulder of a man as you sway to the music, but he can’t see your face. Eddie feels his heart catch in his throat as he turns back to his friends.

“See? I told you she’s not mine.” He clears his throat when he hears his own voice crack. Not fucking now.

“Who is that guy?” Steve asks, craning his neck to get a better view.

“Probably just some club sleaze, she’s probably not even having fun.” Robin shrugs. Her comment clicks in Eddie’s brain before it clicks in her own, though.

“I gotta go.” He shoves himself from the table.

“Should I go with him?”

Robin shrugs. “That dude is gigantic. Maybe watch his back.”

—

“Hey, um,” The song has ended, and you need to get the fuck out of here. “I’ll be right back, I gotta use the ladies’ room,” You peel yourself away from him, but he grabs your arm before you can.

“Nuh uh, you can use the bathroom at my place. C’mon.” There will be no talking yourself out of this. Usually you can confuse a man into leaving you alone, but this guy’s different. You can sense the danger, the complete lack of empathy, like it’s a scent he’s giving off. You have to make a scene.

You twist your arm, writhing to get out of his grip, when you feel the cooling rings of a familiar hand on your shoulder. “Hey, sweetheart,” Eddie’s voice is low, so this man/monster can’t hear him. “I’m gonna get you out of here. Hang on.” He moves in front of you, between you and the giant causing him to drop your arm. There’s an angry red ring of his lasting grip around your wrist. “You gotta problem, buddy?” The guy puffs his chest out at Eddie, like some weird, animalistic instinct to seem bigger. Like he needs that advantage.

“Yeah, I do. Why were your hands on my girl?”

You try not to think about the words too much. Despite the situation though, you feel your heart skip. Steve joins him beside you, placing his hand on your other shoulder protectively.

“Your girl, huh? Well your girl’s a fuckin’ slut then, she’s been dancing with me for the last ten minutes.”

“What the fuck did you just call her, you prick?”

“You heard me bitch boy, she’s a slut! And I like my girls dirty.” Before Eddie can respond, the guy swings his arm into Eddie’s unsuspecting face as you watch, frozen and helpless. Your hands fly to your mouth to muffle the shriek, but you catch the attention of some nearby patrons.

Eddie doesn’t go down, though. The adrenaline keeps him on his feet. “Oh, we’re doin’ this now?” Eddie smirks as he wipes the blood from his split lip. “Cmon, I know you got more in ya than that. You’re massive!” Eddie taunts him before launching at the guy, managing to double him over with a punch to the gut. “You’ll have to do more than that if you want her, big guy. I’ll lay down my fuckin’ life in this bar for that woman.”

The crowd has now turned their attention to where Eddie’s got the brute in a headlock. He gets one more punch in before his opponent breaks out of his grasp, sending his elbow straight into Eddie’s nose. “Oh, ho, ho,” Eddie cackles maniacally as he lifts away from the counter, blood now dripping from his nostrils into his mouth, staining his skin and his shirt. “Look at you, tough guy.” He spits a mouthful of blood onto the bar floor. “Real big of you beatin’ on someone a quarter your size.”

Before anyone else can make a move, the bouncers are rushing up behind them, escorting both men out the front entrance while you follow behind with Steve and Robin. It takes six guys to move the giant, leaving Eddie to comply with the disgruntled manager. You watch as your adversary curses at Eddie before walking into the night, disappearing before anyone could think to call the cops.

“Oh my god, what the fuck?!” Robin is laughing nervously as she looks between you and Eddie, then to Steve with that annoying, know-it-all glint in her eyes.

“Eddie, he could have fuckin’ killed you!” Steve, ever the babysitter, scolds his friend with an elbow to his ribs, causing Eddie to wince in pain.

“Yeah, maybe, but if it meant keeping her safe-,” He cuts himself off as he meets your teary eyes. “Oh, no. Sweets, what’s wrong?”

You shake your head, barely able to look at the bloody boy in front of you. He’s hurt because of you. You were supposed to keep him safe.

“I’m so sorry, Eddie.” You whisper, afraid your voice will betray you for speaking at full volume. “You shouldn’t have done that, I shouldn’t have let you.” The tears are warm on your cheeks when they spill, and as quickly as they do, you have six arms wrapped around you.

—

“Get some rest, we’ll see you guys tomorrow.” You shut the cab door behind you before following Eddie into his trailer. You don’t want to be alone tonight, and Eddie has graciously offered a sleepover at his place.

“How’s your face?” You ask, already on your way to the freezer for an ice pack.

“I’m fine, honey, I promise.” His voice says otherwise, low and scratchy from a night of straining it. “How are you doing, though?”

It’s a loaded question. How are you supposed to feel, watching your best friend risk his life for you? You’re grateful, sure, but the guilt eats at you still. “I’m just so, so sorry Eddie,” You carefully lift your hand to caress his swollen cheek. “You really didn't have to do that.”

“What was I supposed to do? Let him hurt you? I couldn’t live with myself.” He shakes his head, wincing in pain. “I meant what I said. I’d risk my life to keep you safe.”

You shake your head, not accepting his answer. “Why?” It’s meek, barely a whisper as you blot the remaining blood from his lip.

“What do you mean why?” His words are muffled by the tissue.

You huff, getting upset despite yourself. “You’re telling me you’d put yourself in danger if it meant keeping me out of it? What’s the point? Why do that to yourself because I’m too stupid to make the right decisions? What do you gain from that?”

He shakes his head, clearly frustrated. “Do I have to gain something from it? I do it because I love you, y/n. Simple as that.” You gape at him, and he rolls his eyes, the beginning of a smirk twitching on his face. “Do I have to spell it out for you?”

“It would be helpful, yes.” You’re just about begging now, the nervous sweat causing your shirt to stick to you.

“Sweets, I accepted that I would die for you a long fuckin’ time ago. If it meant keeping you happy, I would tie myself to the train tracks. Or, in this case, let some fucker twice my size beat the living shit out of me.”

You can’t accept it, logically. Your brain won’t let you believe any of his claims. “But I don’t-“

“No.” His voice is stern, almost scolding. “No more of that ‘I don’t deserve you’ shit. Okay? Absolutely not. Because you do. You saved my life all those years ago, and I promised myself I’d make sure to protect yours, too. You are my best friend, and the absolute love of my life, so I’m gonna give you everything I’ve got.” He laces his fingers with yours, and you watch as his rings catch the light.

“It’s okay if you don’t feel that way about me, I’ll never ask you for that, it wouldn’t be fair. But I can’t stand by when you’re in trouble, it’s not what I do.”

Your heart is fighting to free itself from your ribcage. It wants to jump from your skin, straight into Eddie’s open palms. Though the ever present coward in you wishes to curl up inside yourself and hide from him, everything else in your body is being pulled towards him, compelled as if by nature.

Before you even notice you’re crying again, Eddie wraps himself around your shaking frame, rubbing soothing patterns on your back as you sob, open mouthed and ugly, into his t-shirt. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m right here.” He coos, and you focus on his breathing, matching the pace to calm the stutter of your cries.

You claw at his jacket, inhaling his scent of cigarettes and pine soap. You need him closer. He tightens his grip on you, and you look up to face him. His own cheeks are wet with tears, his eyes screwed shut trying to stifle the bite of the wracking sobs you know the strength of well. This is the only chance you’re getting, so you move with calculation. Despite the anxious pounding of your heart, and everything in your head telling you that he’s not yours and never could be, you crane your neck to reach Eddie’s split and swollen lips, squeezing your eyes shut as you place your mouth on his, ever so gently.

Before Eddie can react, you’re gone, face inches away from him as his eyes flutter open. “Whoa. Uh, w-what… what are you doing?” He sputters, face now bright red, and you feel your own cheeks blush.

“I’m- I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed… ” You cover your mouth with your hand to hide the shame, feeling the fire in your stomach. You have just ruined years of friendship, and for one stupid kiss! But Eddie’s beaming, and he’s still gripping you close to him. “I've just wanted to do that for so long.” You admit shyly, shifting against his grip, ready to retreat, but he holds you tighter.

“Can you do it again?” His voice is more confident now. You’re not sure you’ve heard him correctly, but when you look at him, it’s undeniable.

You mirror his smile, nodding before leaning into him again. He makes the connection, taking the lead as your body contorts around his, lips locking together as he holds you flush against him. His lips are so soft, and he’s so gentle with you, even though you can tell he’s eager, like maybe he’s also wanted to do this for a while. The thought causes you to smile against his lips, and you feel his own lips stretch against yours as your hands move from his shoulders to his hair.

One of his hands moves from your waist to caress your face, holding your jaw like a precious pearl he’s discovered after years at sea. Your tears fall freely now, ones of overwhelming love for Eddie, ones you never could have hoped to shed, content letting them simmer in the pit of your throat if it meant keeping your best friend. You’re breathless when he lets you go, fighting the urge to chase after his lips. After almost a decade of wondering what Eddie would taste like, what kissing him would feel like, now you get to know. “I have been in love with you since that day on the playground,” He confesses, tightening his arms around your waist to keep you close. “But I’m such a chicken shit, I didn’t wanna ruin anything. You were so sweet to me, I couldn’t risk losing that, losing you.” The words seem to spill from him now, like he’s been craving to tell you. You suppose he has.

You take in the sight of your best friend, battered and bruised for the sake of your honor, like a knight thrown into battle without armor. He’s beautiful, even in black and blue. You bring your hand to his cheek, rubbing small circles on his skin as he leans into your touch. You could stay here forever, you think. “I love you too, Eds. I have for as long as I can remember.” He smiles at you, lip splitting again but he doesn’t even flinch. You return the grin, feeling your cheeks ache from how wide you’ve stretched your mouth. “Thank you for keeping me safe.” You kiss him again, letting yourself taste the blood he’d spilled for you, a silent promise that you’ll make sure he never has to again.

-

taglist @children-of-the-grave :p

[puppyboy-boytoy]

new intro (wip on making it cute)

hello this is my nsfw 18+ blog, you may have seen other posts of mine because i migrated from a sideblog to a main blog so i can block people directly. the old blog is @catboy-catboy-backup

holy fuck put your age in your bio or ill block you :l

Im not 100% good at tagging but this blog should be safe from any hard stuff. if i accidentally reblog wrong lemme know and ill delete or tag. i tag bluntly, so #blood not #bl00d etc

pls read entire thing before referencing my partners!!

21

they/he + masc terms (puppyboy, boytoy, bf)

dating @cagedcryptid and @princesswisteria, im the polycules designated sub but we're all switchy/flexible in positioning

we're all physically disabled

obnoxious and autistic /pos

t4t

demi-sexual gender fucked and queer

im a switch verse who usually tops, only really sub and bottom for my princess + boyfriend

you can call me puppy, pup, or dog

pls i love asks!! and dms!!! we want to build relationships but you CANNOT be weird about it also NO UNSOLICITED PICTURES. PLS ASK FIRST. thanks :3

yes:

monster fucking, edge and denial, oral fixation, teasing, overstimulation, bondage, exhibitionism, begging, praise, embarrassment, biting, scratching, breeding with pregnancy, light somno, impact, spanking, stimmimg, choking, pinning, probably so many more

NO:

cnc, painal, piss, scat, ageplay, detrans, misgendering, breath, guns,

i might reblog things w the word c*nt but pls don't directly refer to my body or my partners' bodies w the word thanks!!

this is a queer blog. its not meant for cishets, but as long as yall are Normal you can stay. T4T ALWAYS ‼️ ageless, blank, and minors DNI. you will be blocked. i block liberally.

i have other blogs too

@pissedpupp - piss and omo

@bloodypuppyboy - very violent, untagged, proceed w caution

@bloodypuppylove - irl pictures of me! dont want my blogs nuked, so im posting there and reblogging to my other blogs instead. covers many kinks, proceed w caution

more info under the cut!

flashing images/blinkies under the cut!

#boytoy thoughts -> stuff i wrote

#monster nsft -> anything monster fucking related

#this puppy bites -> anything biting or dog related

#both ways -> id like to do it and also have it done to me

#image -> anything with an image or video

#creature -> monster fucker specific art and pictures

everything else should for the most part be tagged accordingly but lmk if i gotta change anything

i use they/it, and have a clit/tdick/cock, pussy/hole, and tits/chest

princess uses he/him but femme titles, and doesnt want his body referenced

my boyfriend uses they/he and does not want his body referenced at all actually

my discord server is now up! its for kinky transgender autistic disabled folks! we have about 35 members rn, but only a small handful are active

the bot is coded for 21+ but if youre 18-20 dm me we can try and figure something out 😌

dm / comment / ask for the link! it keeps expiring

[sarahtheconjurer]

@ghosttmachine tagged me in a get to know you meme thing (tyyy!!)! So. Here i am posting for oncce lez goooo

Last song:

Technical answer is post traumatic blues by corey taylor, bc ive been using the spotify dj thing and it keeps giving me metal that i o ly kinda like. The funner answer was rhe barbie movie ost since me and my friends literally just got back from it n my friend mariana had me play it in the car. Not rlly my thing was catchy (barbie movie was good btw! Posts abt it being like. Not the deepest critique of social issues and the like are correct but it was a fun time w a lot of heart + rlly great production value + honestly. Very funny. And i watched it w two of my best friends so :})

Currently reading:

For books:

When the Angels Left the Old Country

I haven't touched it in a hot sec, but its a queer, historical fantasy ya book based in jewish folklorex about an angel and a demon that leave europe, after a girl goes missing from the village they've set up shop in. It's very light and whimsical which is not my usual fare, but I'm enjoying it! Its very heartfelt and the two main leads have very good chemistry. And its always cool to see angel/demon lore outside the usual christian sphere.

For manga: steel ball run (part 7 of jojos bizarre adventure) its. A story about a cross continental horse race to find the body parts of jesus. Which is the most coherent way i can put it. Im rereading it w two of my friends rn and im enjoying it! It isnt my favorite part, but its up there, and features some of the best stuff in the series. This is. Also a story featuring a pair of ride or die protagonists with a very strong dynamic and chemistry (honestly, best 'set' of protags in the series) and so much comes from their bond. Its at the point in the series where it started getting a monthly release and it shows, w some rlly gorgeous art. Gyro and Diego are highlights artwise because the former doesnt have a stand he just. Has these steel balls he spins and throws around, so you get very dynamic shots of him just. Chucking them that the author uses in super creative ways to lead the eye and compose panels and the latter. Can turn himself and other things into dinosaurs. Have you ever seen a dinosaur ride a horse? Its fucking sick. It also has some interesting themes of american imperialism and christianity, of all things, which i think are done, well in some respects, esp given the authors track record. IT ALSO HAS SOME OF THE WORST STUFF IN THE SERIES THAT MAKES ME WANT TO KILL HIM W HAMMERS.

Currently watching:

Nothing in particular, but ive got a p big to watch list (Trigun, mob psycho, etc) and i just watched the barbie movie, like i said.

Current obsession:

Guess. Take a guess.

Jfc jojos bizarre adventure is holding me at gunpoint. Its not good its not bad (besides when it is) it its own tier of media. I forgot how much 15 year old me was obsessed w it and so i foolishly rewatched it thinking id be. Normal. I was wrong. God. I've never seen anything like it! It's so clearly a passion project from someone who's very eccentric and so it goes from absurd and stupid and comedic to circling right back to being very human and poignant. Like, it's about love! And familial trauma! And prevailing in the face of great tragedy! And also killing the president because jesus told you so! It's got a myriad of flaws from technical writing issues to genuinely tasteless/bigoted content, so its not some untouchable media, but ive been enjoying it a lot.

Part 5 and 8 are my favorites for very different reasons.

Part 5, Golden Wind, is abt a bunch of weird mobsters on a roadtrip through italy to kill their boss. It has a very charming supporting cast who are a sort of found family of societal rejects, brought together by this guy named Bruno who acts as a leader + mentor + sort of dad? To them. They're all surprisingly fleshed out characters, esp for this early on in the series, and their group dynamic, combined w some of the best fights in the entire show, really sell this part. The main character and main villain are. Not good. Sans a few aspects. Tho. Like i forget giorno is there half the time. (Giorno is my beloved stale cracker of a character but hes MY stale cracke, tho)

Part 8, Jojolion, is uh. Hm. It follows this amnesiac dude who wakes up in the dirt, as he tries to piece together the person he was. It's set in an au version of the town from part 4, w some characters being spins on old ones. Its the most recent part, and it shows. Its a lot better structured, paced, and developed compared to earlier parts. The mystery running through it has a lot of fun twists and turns, the themes are coherent, and the pace is slow, but not meandering. The supporting cast is fun (the lead's romantic interest is an actually decent jojo woman and they have a very cute relationship, and the family the main character is sort of adopted into are all fucking insane) but the real draw for me was the main character. Josuke (the second. Theres another josuke from an alternate universe in part 4, anyway) is probably my favorite jojo. I could go on about him, but compared to the others, he feels the most real? Theres this very grounded sense of frustration abt him as he tries and fails to piece together who he is, while everyone around him seems to have somethimg they need from him, or an idea of who he SHOULD be. He isnt a hero, he isnt even all that noble, hes just trying to find himself and if anyone out there loves him. He's blunt, one track minded, and is doing the jojo equivalent of spamming x to skip through all the dialogue bc hes not here for anyones shit beside his own. Jojolion somehow captures the feeling of being a weird, displaced pseudo adult trying to piece yourself together, while everything Keeps Fucking Happening. I love it so much. But by god does the ending suck hoooooly shit oh my god dude jesus christ. Fucking. I hate tohru i hate tohru i hate tohru fjcjendnxzlzm. Anyway jobin sweep

OTHER OBSESSIONS INCLUDE OCS AND DND.

Im currently running a csm tabletop n curse of strahd game, and am in a ravenloft game. They're all very different but i love them all.

Ravenloft game is a sort of sequel to the curse of strahd game i was in a while bsck

I play pageturn (kenku paladin) and coda (changeling flavored as fallen angel, bard). Ones a 13 year old w a kill drive going through a double crisis of faith while somehow being the heart of the group and the others a shapeshifting corrupted celestial, whos trying to find themself. we are currently exploring the fomain the latter was imprisoned in and have found the eye of vecna and. I am. Excited and concerned for what our wonderful dm has cooked up.

Chainsaw Man game is a high stakes office drama following the worst group of devil hunters youve ever seen. Its more episodic and light than my other games which is a nice change of pace, and i rlly like the energy our group brings to the table. I am always horrified and surprised by whatever new government supplied human rights violation they commit next! Every character is uniquely sad, while still maintaining the token csm dark comedy abt them. We are currently revisiting a mystery allll the way back from our first session and im stoked for some stuff i have planned.

Sippy Crew (curse of strahd game) is drawing to a close and ahh i could make a whole post abt how much these guys mean to me. Its been a joy dming for this group of freaks and watching as they come together not into a found family, but a group of distinctly doomed, but fiercely loyal individuals. They've had two pc deaths, even more close calls, and have lost so much, but they're pushing through like dandelions in concrete. Its genuinely the most emotionally invested ive been in a ttrpg, and am so excited, to see their journey come to a close, and will miss them dearly.

Both jojo and ttrrpgs have been a way to reconnect with friends i dont usually talk to as much, and strengthen the bonds of the friends that i do, which is why theyve hit so hard, haha.

anwyaY this turned out way longer than it needed to be bUt.

@turtleslothart @500sunstone you. Do this.

[ghostmaggie]

I posted 2,813 times in 2022

124 posts created (4%)

2,689 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

Not trying to spam a bunch of folks I don't know with my year in review but @bethanyactually you were in my top 5 <3

I tagged 1,598 of my posts in 2022

Only 43% of my posts had no tags

#ndcw - 458 posts

#nace - 230 posts

#nancy drew tv - 128 posts

#post - 117 posts

#ted lasso - 71 posts

#fave - 60 posts

#dracula daily - 54 posts

#bridgerton - 46 posts

#ts - 45 posts

#dw - 38 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#been told i need to try other things like excedrin and aleve but tylenol and ibuprofen are all i ever took growing up so im in the habit 😂

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

in my feelings thinking about nancy telling carson she might stay at george's before going to meet ace. in my feelings thinking about nancy waiting for ace at the loft and when he doesn't show up she doesn't just go home she goes to the historical society to double check because she wants to have this conversation. in my feelings thinking about ace not realizing he's invisible and thinking nancy is just ignoring him because she's mad and chasing after her. in my feelings thinking about nancy telling george about ace wanting to talk and trying and failing not to appear sad and longing. in my feelings thinking about ace telling hannah he can get through to nancy despite her doubts. in my feelings thinking about nancy feeling ace's touch across a dimension. in my feelings thinking about ace looking at a friend. in my feelings thinking about that hug. in my feelings thinking about literal true love.

67 notes - Posted May 9, 2022

#4

I really dig shows where certain folks outside the main characters end up finding out about the supernatural and just have to deal with that as part of life now.

Like, as fun as it can be to have the protagonists constantly having to hide and talk around mystical happenings, it's so refreshing and delightful to see Nancy Drew, where at first it's a select few "in the know" and then it's like, okay, well, oops, Carson knows now. And apparently McGinnis has known the whole time. And now Owen's in this. And Ryan. And we told John Sanders point blank but he doesn't believe us and it's not worth pushing it. And Connor is not pleased but he knows who to call to handle freaky stuff. And Tamura really ought to believe at this point but he's not going to. And Park is totally down with it. And so on, etc., whatever happens happens.

Why bother hiding it when many hands make blood rituals light work, right?

76 notes - Posted April 27, 2022

#3

i can’t decide if my favorite part of this clip is nancy’s delivery of “with...me 😬” or ace’s “oh yeah she’s got a point 🤷” expression but either way i’m going to watch it on a loop forever

85 notes - Posted February 9, 2022

#2

nancy and ace seeing each other at the bobbsey's

86 notes - Posted January 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

ace's texting style is so fucking funny

switching between you and u with no discernable pattern (very mood)

qualmless double and triple texting without a response

"MEAT HOOKS!!!"

"Nancy? NANCY?" in the same text as if he's shouting out loud

flirting by accusing someone of vandalism followed by work text followed by flirting by complimenting their outfit

"u off today? Maybe come in?"

"9-1-1! Charity Hudson haunting Historical Society?!?!? HELP" bestie this is art put it in the moma

painstakingly crafting a text to ur crush to make a date so you can confess your love then immediately fucking off to an astral plane where you almost get wiped from existence :)

287 notes - Posted March 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[anglerflsh]

I'm a full believer of the fact that if Luz is supposed to be a mirror of modern fantasy stories then the Wittebane brothers should be a mirror of older fairytales. Which is a correct opinion to have btw

[ynscrazylife]

Hi! Im not sure how much detail I’m supposed to go into, but can I request a Yelena fic? Hurt/comfort, if you can? I love all your works!💖💖💖💖

Saving Each Other | y.b angst & fluff fic

Summary: What if Y/N, Yelena’s friend, was the one to free Yelena from the brainwashing? What if Yelena hurt her?

Authors Note: Thank you for requesting! I apologize at how late this is, I wanted to wait until the movie had come out.

Request to be on a taglist (or multiple) here! (Taglists are at the end of the fic)

MCU Masterlist #1 | MCU Masterlist #2 | Main Masterlist

PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of these works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

header c @/piratanjo

Yelena was suddenly aware of her panting breaths, the tight knot in her chest, and how her hands were pressing deep into the pavement. Red dust clouded her vision and the memories all came crashing back, so fast that it took her almost a minute to sort through it all.

The Red Room . . . Brainwashing . . . The mission . . . Fighting . . . Y/N??

Yelena was pulled back into the present as Y/N Y/LN, the woman she had dated before the Red Room’s brainwash, came into her line of vision. Except it wasn’t the happy reunion she used to dream of - it was a nightmare. 

“Oh my god, what did I do?” Yelena hurriedly said, backing up to access the damage. The woman was laying, sprawled out on the ground, gasping and gripping onto the vials that contained the cure. A pool of red was growing thicker and bigger from her stomach, underneath her suit. It was then that Yelena realized there was a kn*fe in her hands, and it suddenly escaped her already-loose grip, fingers shaking. 

“That - wasn’t - you,” she managed to croak out through the coughs that wrapped around her throat. 

“No, no, don’t talk. I’m going to get you help, okay?” The blonde insisted, her accent growing even thicker when she was scared.

Y/N shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut for just a couple moments to get some brief relief from the pain and the agony. “You have to save the others,” she reminded her.

Yelena paused for just a second. “We’re all in pairs. I only broke off because I saw you. If I leave you, you’ll get kidnapped or worse and they’ll just brainwash me again,” she reasoned.

She quickly looked around for something — anything — that could help. Luckily, there was a trash can nearby and some cloth in it. Yelena grabbed that and tied it tightly around Y/N’s waist, having to ignore when Y/N let out a small whimper of pain. More tight = less blood.

Then, Yelena quickly turned off the tracker the Red Room had on her and her comms. She spotted someone getting out of their car and quickly ran to them, knocking them out with one punch and grabbing the keys to their car. She returned to Y/N and wrapped her arms around her, gathering her into her arms.

“You don’t happen to know a hospital, do you?” Y/N said weakly, into Yelena’s shoulder.

She scoffed. “Hey, I’m supposed to be the sarcastic one here, not you,” she said lightly, not really meaning anything by it.

“Just trying to make you smile,” Y/N said, her tone growing softer, as Yelena put her into the back of the car.

She hopped into the front seat and glanced over her shoulder, only to see Y/N looking like she was going to sleep. Quickly starting the engine, Yelena said in a more firm, but still panicked voice, “You know what would make me smile? If you stayed awake, yeah?”

Yelena, in fact, did not know about any hospitals. At a red light (which she almost sped through), she was rambling off quite literal nonsense to Y/N in hopes of keeping her awake, but also rummaged through the car, hoping to find something . . . Aha! A phone. She nearly smashed it trying to get into it, but then realized the phone was not password protected. She was able to look up the nearest hospital, and muffled a scream when she realized it was in the opposite direction.

Making a drastic U-Turn, Yelena’s grip tightened around the wheel as she was desperate to follow Google’s directions. “Y/N - Y/N! Keep taking to me. Tell me how you escaped. Or about the cures.” That’s when she had to quickly glance at the passenger seat to make sure that they did have the cures.

“I didn’t really escape . . . Well, I kinda did,” Y/N began. Her slurred words only made Yelena go faster. “One of the older agents actually helped me escape. She had made the cure and when she was training me one day, she - ya know - got me out of there. So I took it and ran.”

“Riveting,” Yelena muttered under her breath.

After what felt like forever, she pulled into the parking lot (well, served) and did a very bad parking job, but didn’t care. She left the cures securely hidden in the car, along with their weapons, and lifted Y/N into her arms, carrying her into hospital. The Widow snapped at the first employee she saw, desperate to get Y/N help.

It was either because they saw the condition that Y/N was in or were scared by the two young adult women, but they allowed Yelena inside and had her hurriedly explain the situation - she made up a lie, of course - before ordering her out of the hospital room.

Yelena spent the next two hours pacing non-stop, a buzz going through her mind. A deep worry was growing in the pit of her stomach for the woman she was in love with, but she also had to digest this new reality: after all this time, she was free. Free to live her life. Make her own choices. Except there was one thing she had to do first, and that was take down the Red Room.

Occasionally a doctor or a nurse would emerge, and Yelena would spin around and hound them for information that they didn’t have. It got to the point where she was begging the next nurse, who looked thoroughly exhausted, for any information on Y/N’s current state.

The nurse pulled her lips into a thin line and gave a huff. “She will be okay.”

That four-word sentence lifted Yelena’s spirits. She was finally able to sit down, her legs aching, and dug her fingers into the seat, taking deep breaths. She was going to be okay. Everything felt more steady now. Less rocky. The demons she was going to face in the near future felt that much more conquerable.

Around that two hour mark, another doctor finally emerged, this time with information. “As a nurse previously informed you, Miss Y/L/N will be fine. We’ve stabilized her, and she is awake if you want to visit,” she said.

Yelena nodded, too excited and relieved to form comprehensible words. The moment the doctor left, Yelena rushed inside, only to see Y/N looking around. Despite her bandaged state, she looked 10x better than she did in the car.

“Hi,” Yelena said, forcing herself to be calm, and gently shut the door behind herself.

Y/N’s lips curved into a smile and she pushed herself up further. “Hey,” she said, in a voice a little above a whisper. “You doing okay?”

Yelena just shook her head in amusement before pulling up a chair and sitting next to Y/N’s bed. “You’re the one in the hospital and you’re asking me if I’m okay?” She said.

Y/N shrugged. “You’re free for the first time in years. It’s a lot to process,” she said.

Yelena sighed, thinking. “Well, I’m free because of you . . . You saved me,” she pointed out.

Y/N reached out to take her hand, making Yelena tense up for a moment before she relaxed. “And you saved me. Bringing me here,” she said, squeezing the woman’s hand.

Yelena smiled and leaned down, pressing a kiss to Y/N’s hand. “Want to take down the Red Room when you get out of here? I’ll rope in my sister, too,” she offered.

Y/N grinned. “I’d love that.”

Permanent Taglist: @natasharomanoffismywife @hehehehannahthings @paulawand @blackbat2020 @cerberus-spectre @marrymemcgrath @celestialbarnes @kathryndimitrescu @snipyloulou @big-galaxy-chaos @cc13723things

MCU Taglist: @stephanieromanoff @summerlovingbaby @ineffablebean @okkulta @procrastinatingsapphictrash @prettysbliss @caseyfish @sarahp-stan @thewidowsghost @basiclesbianbitch @mycosmicparadise @kidswhofightmonsters @xtraordinaryfangrl @peggycarter-steverogers @username23345 @ima-gi--na-tion @yori-nakajima @hi-i-1 @mmmmokdok @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @mads-weasley @tenaciousperfectionunknown @afraid-to-be-me @lilclownx @acertainredhead @natromanoffxox @lilymurphy03 @thanossexual 

[jchnmcdonough]

Ok I’m finally posting this @wingsy-keeper-of-songs.

(Some of) My Hancock hc’s. I’ve broken them down further into categories beyond the read more :-) taggin this bc i feel the hancock tag is in need a cleanse. 

APPEARENCE 

- Knows how to sew and takes great care of his clothing, particularly his frock coat. No ripped / falling apart seams in goodneighbor no ma’am. and yes, he does have more than one outfit

- Big on good hygiene! There’s a reason goodneighbor has decent plumbing lol

- 5′9. no, im not arguing on this.

PHYSICAL / MENTAL 

- doesn’t ever really sleep. Dozing, sure, but a deep sleep for him hasn’t happened since he turned into a ghoul. Cat naps are frequent but never more than 30 minutes. This threw lizzy for a loop the first time they ever slept together lol. Going off this, when he does doze, he uses his hat to cover his eyes. Makes people think he’s asleep despite being aware of his surroundings and gives his eyes a break from the lights

- Sensitive to bright lights, especially fluorescent which is why candles / oil lamps are used throughout the entire of the state house. He likes the look of neon lights which is why they’re heavily used throughout the exterior of GN

- avoids heavy drinking unless he’s alone or fahr is present because he tends to spiral 

RELEATIONSHIPS: daisy

- Daisy became a close confidant of his before Fahrenheit came into the picture. Actually kept him outta trouble during his drifting days

RELATIONSHIPS: fahrenheit

- He taught Fahr how to play chess

- Met Fahr a bit after he became mayor. The watch caught her trying to steal food from one of the warehouses, so he decided to take her under his wing. I’m honestly considering writing a short run off about their relationship tbh bc it wouldn’t really make sense to put into my main story

- Fahr is the only person to see him cry (except lizzy but I’m not counting her rn). Fahr has seen a lot of actual John rather than the Hancock persona which is why she’s so…almost territorial over him. She also would continue to be his bodyguard/advisor even if he didn’t pay her (tho he doesn’t believe this much to her dismay)

RELATIONSHIPS: ETC

- Established a safe trade route between goodneighbor and the slog that he allows the railroad to use while escorting runaway synths. Ghouls will also use this route to avoid any unwanted attention

- If he’s not doing meetings or business in the state house then he’s outside visiting residents or bothering Daisy lol. This is how lizzy discovered how adored he is by everyone. People stopping what they’re doing just to greet him, children asking him for caps to buy sweets (referred to as mr. Hancock).

- Has connections with Mother Isolde. you wonder how he got ahold of that experimental drug? like the covenant im in the process of revamping the crater of atom. i actually adore the children of atom and think they’re a super cool (i like the complexity of cults leave me be pls). plus, they’re the only COA in the commonwealth that don’t attack on sight so

- Has a trade going on with Jack Cabot

MAYORAL...ESQUE

- Will absolutely use physical force during interrogations but usually has Fahr deal with those issues. If Hancock gets involved that’s how you know shit is about to go down.

- Usually leaves the killing to Fahr as she likes doing it and he doesn’t like the mess, BUT will do it to make a point/send a message. Preferred method is a quick stabbing, but has used a shotgun at close range for a select few menaces

- does bi-weekly community meetings with residents to make sure any concerns are taken care of swiftly

FOOD / DRINK / DRUG 

- Knows how to cook but doesn’t do it a lot

- Loves sugar bombs because they remind him of his childhood.

- Absinthe, brandy, whiskey. That’s it.

- Berry mentats are his absolute favorite

- smoking became an unintentional; addiction. he actually had plans to quit prior to becoming a ghoul, but gave up post ghoulification because it adds to his ~look~ and due to his extended lifespan

RECREATION / HOBBIES 

- Record player is always on. He lives for having background music. Hypes up his main character complex

- Billie holiday and frank sinatra are his favorites, but has a soft spot for the beach boys. 

- plays chess and poker most often, but also enjoys pre war board games like blast radius or catch the commie 

- Tends to pace / wander around goodneighbor at night when he can’t relax.

- reads whatever he can get his hands on, but especially loves material regarding prewar commonwealth. 

[many-gay-magpies]

[ many-gay-magpies tag masterlist/navigation ]

personal tags

#magpie thoughts : personal posts, shitposts, and general unintelligible yelling. pretty much what it says on the tin

#midnight thoughts with magpie : all the thoughts i have and post after midnight. not entirely sure why i decided to make this its own category besides wanting a place to put all my after hours unhinged-ness, but, well, here it is!

#magpie rants : when i get angry/upset about stuff and rant about it - i dont use this tag a lot, but feel free to block it if you want

#my art : pretty self explanatory. its my art!

#magpie writes : my writing (very infrequently used)

#magpie's writing adventures : me talking about writing (included in this is the sub-tag, magpie's writing struggles, specifically for when i'm struggling)

#magpie in the sky : my adventures playing sky: children of the light!

#ziggy tag : my dog! he's cute! go look at him!

general tags

#art : other peoples' art

#comics : what it says on the tin, often overlaps with art

#serotonin boosts : things that make me happy

#beautiful things : self-explanatory

#aesthetics : dont use this one that much to be honest-- its not for any lack of aesthetic posts being reblogged, its just that i forget to actually tag them when i reblog them

#moodboards : again, self-explanatory

#nature : pretty landscapes, plants, sunsets, oceans, etc etc. mother nature does some beautiful stuff!

#cats : cats

#dogs : dogs

#dragons : i love dragons probably a little too much to be healthy

#birbs : my most active animal tag, probably. i love birds a lot

#dinosaurs : not a very expansive tag but i figured it would be nice to give the prehistoric fellas their own space on my blog

#animals : any animals that are not cats, dogs, dragons, birds, or dinosaurs

fandom tags

#toh : the owl house

#centaurworld : its.. centaurworld. LOL (+ the tag 'centaurworld posts', which is specifically MY posts about centaurworld, tagged that way so they dont all show up in the main tag)

#bbc merlin : bbc merlin

#the untamed/cql : applies to all the shows/books/etc under this umbrella, not just the live-action show (although the live-action is the only piece of media ive absorbed, there are no doubt posts ive reblogged that talk about the book/animated show/etc)

#lotr : lord of the rings

#trek : general star trek stuff

#ds9 : deep space nine specifically, since it's the show i'm most into/invested in

#mlp : all the mlp stuff ive reblogged in the past. since i have a separate mlp blog now im not using this tag anymore, but it exists as an archive of sorts

#mlb : miraculous ladybug, not major league baseball (which is apparently a mix-up that happens often). i dont really watch the show anymore but a lot of the fan content slaps

[ all tags will be tagged below for navigation convenience, and all tags that do not fit due to tumblr's tag limit will be added on in a reblog ]

[queenmylovely]

Hello! I was just wondering if I could request something? I know it’s silly to feel bad about it but basically, I’m 20 and I’ve never had a partner, never had sex, never been kissed etc. so I was wondering if you could do something where Ben maybe finds out and takes the reader on a date to show her how she should be treated then teaches her how to kiss and maybe takes her virginity and it’s all just really sweet and loving and gentle? Sorry if it’s too much 😅 thank you!! ❤️❤️

Definitely don’t feel bad bc i’m 21 and in the same boat. I did most of this but bc it’s a blurb I couldn't fit it all. Thank you for the request, lots of love (warnings are a little bit of cussing; 1.5k words) 

Masterlist

☆☆☆

“Well what do you mean you’ve never done anything?”

“I mean I’ve never done anything, can you not make me spell it out?” you sighed, feeling a flash of nervous adrenaline as Ben asked you about a topic you didn’t often talk about.

“So you’ve, like, only made out? Over the clothes stuff?” Ben asked, trying to clear it up.

The only reason you were even answering is that Ben seemed genuinely confused and curious. A lot of the time when someone learned about this, they were judgy or teased you, so this was refreshing at least. And Ben really wasn’t the type to judge or tease when it was something so personal as this. You knew that much from your half year or so of friendship.

You looked at him across your kitchen table where you had been eating lunch before the subject of that new coming of age movie came up and Ben started talking about the beginnings of his sex life and asking about yours.

“Ben,” you said quietly, making sure he was looking at you. “I have not made out with anyone, I have not touched or been touched by anyone, and I have not kissed anyone. Ever.”

“Oh,” a look of slightly stunned realization crossed Ben’s face. A few beats went by of you looking at Ben and Ben looking off into the distance.

Suddenly he looked back at you, and the abrupt eye contact made you jolt a little.

“Wanna go on a date with me?”  

You blinked, “Um, that’s a hell of a non sequitur.”

Ben shrugged, “Well I was just thinking–”

“Hold on, is this some sort of virgin kink?” you asked, starting to lament the fact that you were about to lose a friend because as nice as he seemed, he was actually a total weirdo.

“No, no! Oh my gosh, not at all. I actually only really brought up that movie to bring up the idea of us dating,” Ben explained frantically.  

“How would talking about teenagers having sex for the first time lead to a conversation about us dating?” you questioned disbelievingly. Not to mention your disbelief at the idea of Ben wanting to go on a date, or multiple, with you.

“Well, if you’ll remember, the main characters are friends first who then start dating,” Ben reminded and now that you thought of it, you were the one to bring up the funny and awkward after-sex scene.

Now it was your turn to say, “Oh.”

“Yeah, so… how about it?” Ben smiled at you, that bright smile that reached his eyes and made you feel excited all over.

“But, why do you want to go on a date with me?” as much as you wanted to, it was hard to just trust Ben and agree.

“Well, first of all, I know we get along great. You’re funny, we always have a good time, you’re incredibly caring and kind to me and to everyone. Not to mention you’re super smart and always teaching me about obscure things I never would’ve known about on my own. And oh yeah, you’re gorgeous,” Ben said, and the sincerity and meaning of his words hit you like a ton of bricks, but in a really, really good way.

You were too flustered to even speak for a few moments.

“So did I make a good enough case?” Ben prompted. With a little chuckle, you nodded, “Yes, those were all fine reasons.”

_____

Two days later, you were walking into an Italian restaurant after work for your first date together. You were so nervous it felt like you were sweating bullets. Not only was this your first date in a long time, it also felt like your first date ever that had real potential. Which was nerve wracking.

Ben had texted you that he was already sitting down, so you told the host that you were meeting someone and started looking around. You found him next to the stained glass window on the left side of the restaurant. As you walked towards him and he stood up to greet you, you couldn’t help but admire how good he looked. Sure, he was handsome and conventionally attractive, that was obvious to anyone who looked at him, but knowing that he looked this particularly good because of you was something else entirely.

Ben reached for you as you got closer, pulling you towards him and towards his face. You panicked for a second, but he was just going for a cheek kiss and quick hug, which you were familiar with, and returned happily. Then he offered for you to sit down and you did with a smile.

“I just got here, but I ordered us both Negronis, I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course it is, you know it’s my favorite drink,” you reassured him, reaching across the little table to touch his arm.

You were used to casual physical contact with Ben as friends, but now even touching his arm made your skin feel electric and your nerves came back, like your body knew where this kind of touch might lead at the end of the date. Still, you waited a few seconds before pulling your hand back, enjoying the moment between you and Ben.

There were a lot of moments like that throughout the meal. Cheersing with strong eye contact when your drinks came, offering bites of food of your meals to each other, dabbing at a bit of sauce that got on Ben’s chin, and Ben damn near lasciviously eating a maraschino cherry that came with the dessert, all the while looking to the side innocently.

The tension grew as the night went on, and soon the nerves from the beginning of the meal were replaced by a desire for any sort of closeness or contact with Ben that was currently being prohibited by the table you were sitting at.

When the check came, you didn’t put up a fight at Ben paying (other than to say you would pay next time) because you wanted to get out of the restaurant as quickly as possible. As you left, Ben was right behind you, his hand on the small of your back, making your skin unbelievably warm.

The fresh breeze as you walked outside helped to cool you a little, but Ben’s hand dropped down to grab yours, and your face heated again. The two of you picked the river, only a couple blocks away, to stroll along.

You walked for a ways, chatting about what you saw: the people, birds, water, and sky. As the sun began its descent, you relished the last rays of warmth since you knew the dark would start you walking back and the date would be all but over.

Hearing the call of a bird, you spun to watch it land on one of the riverside trees, smiling and pointing it out to Ben. Turning back to look at him, you bumped into his chest and tilted your head to meet his gaze.

“Oh,” you breathed, surprised at his closeness.

“Hi,” he murmured with that grin of his.

“Hi,” you returned, a grin of your own painting your lips.

You didn’t know what else to say, or whether to say anything at all, not wanting to ruin the moment, but also not sure this was the moment you thought it could be.

Thankfully, you didn’t have too much time to think about it or say anything, because Ben leaned down towards you. His smile lessened bit by bit, until he was only an inch or so from your face, pausing there to look down at your lips and move his free hand to the side of your face. You waited for him to close the gap, waited, waited, until you couldn’t take it anymore and pressed your lips to his.

His lips were warm and soft against yours, and you delighted in the feeling of kissing Ben. He pulled back a little, adjusted the angle, and this time he kissed you, using a light touch on your jaw to move you. Ben was unhurried, gentle, and sweet, letting you get acquainted to the feeling at the speed you wanted.

Parting your mouth, you ran the tip of your tongue on the center of his lower lip and he smiled before parting his own. He kept letting you lead the way, try whatever you liked, and when you accidentally knocked your teeth together, all he did was squeeze your hand reassuringly; you could’ve sworn your heart melted right there.

Of course things couldn’t go on too long, since you were in public and it was now dark save for the streetlights. Reluctantly, you broke away, a warm look passing between you. As you walked back, you let go of Ben’s hand, but only to grab it with the other and wrap his arm around your shoulders. Ben’s eyes twinkled as he looked down at you, and you returned his smile as you squeezed his hand.

★★★

tagging for the length: @riseetothesun @drowseoftaylor @caborhapch @queenlover05 @johndeaconshands @stardust-galaxies @theblossomknows  @buckyluvrs @im-an-adult-ish @sleep-i-ness (unable to tag italics)

[shoutaaizawas]

Jordan...I think you know what i'm requesting for. 👀I would like to request a disneyland date w/ aizawa please! However long you like, and whatever style you prefer (hc, drabble, scenarios etc.), I'll love it in whatever form. You're writing is amazing as always, tysm~ 💗🌙

this was an absolute delight to write, it gave me all the serotonin but also made me miss disneyland. im gonna go through my photos from my trips now lol thank you for this

↳ aizawa shouta x reader → ❝disneyland❞

summary: your boyfriend aizawa takes you on a date to your favorite place word count: 1.9k+ tags/warnings: fluff, disneyland a/n: if you want some song recommendations for this married life from up and i see the light from tangled (it’s mentioned in the story so playing it there would be the perfect timing)

masterlist

For someone who seemed so indifferent, Aizawa was very invested in you, and the things that made you happy. That’s how you ended up at your favorite place on earth for what you could already tell would be a perfect day.

The two of you were at Disneyland and Aizawa knew exactly how you liked to spend the day there. You got there before park opening, getting beignets at Downtown Disney for breakfast. A terrible sugary fried dough that was not a balanced breakfast but did it matter? You were at Disneyland. You laughed at Aizawa as he took a bite trying to avoid getting the powdered sugar on his black shirt. He failed but that gave you an excuse to brush the sugar off his chest.

Waiting in line to enter the park always left you with that giddy feeling in your stomach. Walking in through Main Street, music playing and the scent of fresh popcorn and cookies in the air you looked at Aizawa asking him what he wanted to do first.

“Space mountain?” He asked. “If we get there fast enough there won’t be a line.”

“I love your mind.” You said before you grabbed his hand and took off running towards the ride. Tomorrowland was always a fun place to start, and after you hit space mountain you could go on the smaller rides there.

“Okay, but what are we doing for the photo?” You asked walking through the hallways into the loading dock for the ride.

“Hmm.” He said. You always had to plan for a pose for the photo in the ride. Aizawa didn’t care but he always indulged your ideas. “Can’t think of anything.” He said.

Aizawa was a liar. As you got to the spot where the picture was taken, which both of you knew well, he grabbed your face pulling you in for a kiss. By the time you got to the screens where the photo showed you were laughing at how shocked and flustered you looked.

Of course, you got a copy of the photo.

After Space Mountain, the two of you made your ways to Star Tours then after that Buzz Lightyear’s Astro Blasters. The two of you always had a fun time on it. The ride was both a ride and a game where you shot a laser gun at targets. No matter how hard you tried you could never beat his high score. Today was not an exception.

You were starting to think he was cheating, how was it even possible to get a score that high. And he was so indifferent about it. You gave him a hard time about his score as you exited the ride.

“It just doesn’t make sense how you’re that good.” You whined.

“I don’t know what to tell you.” He replied taking your hand in his as you returned to the more crowded area of Tomorrowland.

“It’s not fair.” You said your thumb absentmindedly rubbing against the back of his hand.

“Do you want to go to Matterhorn or Thunder Mountain next?” He asked.

“Hmm, Matterhorn is closer.” You said. He nodded and headed in that direction leading you through all the people. You passed the water of the Nemo ride, watching as the submarines went by.

As you approached Matterhorn you could hear the rattle of the carts going by and people screaming. The sound got you excited for the next ride. The polka music playing as you lined up in the queue.

Matterhorn was one of your favorites even if Aizawa complained about how much it threw you around.

“I think it threw my back out of place.” He complained rubbing his shoulder.

“Aww, baby.” You cooed, walking behind him and rubbing his shoulders. “Maybe if we go on it again it will put it back?”

“I’d rather not take my chances.” He said rolling his eyes at your joke.

“Can I get you some popcorn to make it up to you?” You said, leaning up to press your cheek against his as you continued to rub his back.

“Maybe.” He said.

Popcorn made every line better no matter the wait time. The sun was high in the sky as the two of you crossed through Fantasyland into the back way to Frontierland. You passed by the track of the roller coaster Thunder Mountain, the train car coaster flying past into the intricate desert mountain architecture. You looked at Aizawa excited as you made your way to the queue, snacking on popcorn as you waited.

After Thunder Mountain you went on to Pirates of the Caribbean, appreciating the scent of the water that was so unique to Disneyland. On the ride you found Aizawa’s head resting against your shoulder, you couldn’t blame him it was dark and cool. The perfect nap spot. Since the boat ride was so long it left you with a good amount of time to do so. Not that Aizawa needed any of those luxuries.

Once you were off the ride Aizawa was looking refreshed after his power nap so it was time for you to drag him to his least favorite ride. Splash Mountain.

Aizawa was a brave man, there was no question about it. If he was Superman, Splash Mountain was his kryptonite. He hated the ride, there was something about the drop at the end that he could not handle. This didn’t mean he wouldn’t go on it but he suffered through it every time. All it took was one puppy-eyed look and he was getting in line with a sigh.

On the ride you took the front seat happily as Aizawa sat behind you, holding onto your waist for dear life despite the fact that you hadn’t even left the loading dock.

The ride floated through the log flume as you moved through the different scenery. As it went inside with all the animatronics you danced along with the song humming as you did. The ride went further and the song got menacing as the log began to climb up to the top of the drop. Aizawa now had his head buried into your shoulder as the light got closer.

Once you reached the top you enjoyed the brief view of Disneyland before it plummeted to the bottom, water spraying you as you laughed.

“I hate that.” You heard Aizawa mumble into your shoulder.

As the two of you climbed out he grumbled about how much he hated wet socks as you walked out of the ride. You couldn’t help but snap a photo of the photo the ride took. Your smiling face with Aizawa’s hair covering your shoulder was too good to pass up.

In your gratitude you took Aizawa to his favorite food spot in the park, the clam chowder at Disneyland was amazing and you could never resist. You were able to dry off as you ate and Aizawa looked much happier after eating.

Indiana Jones was the next stop, always an exciting ride and one that didn’t torture Aizawa. In fact, you thought it might be his favorite ride, not that he ever admitted to having a particular favorite. He claimed he liked all the rides, Splash Mountain excluded.

Once you were off that you spent the rest of the day on the smaller rides that didn’t have as long of lines.

The sun began to sink into the horizon and lights began to go on. Disneyland at night was nearly another place. The perfect lighting throughout the park was such an experience.

Finally, the event of the night was here, the fireworks. Now, most people went for the spot in front of the castle to watch it. Which was a good place but it was always very crowded and you had to go early to get a spot which wasted a lot of time you could spend on rides.

The best spot was in Fantasyland, by the carousel. You could watch the fireworks from behind the castle and there were never too many people there. You stood next to Aizawa, Fantasyland was pretty much empty other than a few people in line for Dumbo. The carousel stood in front of you but it was closed during the fireworks.

Aizawa’s right arm was wrapped around you holding you close to his side. You leaned your head against his shoulder as the fireworks began. Music played and fireworks lit up the sky.

You watched in awe at the display, it didn’t matter how many times you had seen it before it was always so beautiful. A familiar song began, I See the Light from Tangled. That song always managed to make you tear up. You were so engrossed in the moment that you didn’t pay any attention Aizawa touching your hand.

That was until you felt cold metal against your finger. You looked down curious what was happening only to see a ring on your left hand. You stared at it trying to understand if what you thought was happening was really happening right now.

Looking up to Aizawa you saw an unfamiliar expression on his face, something between nervousness and excitement. Your eyes teared up, the fireworks around you, the music swelling to the peak of the song, the ring on your finger asking you a question you understood far too well.

“S-Shouta are you?” You questioned.

“Will you marry me?” He asked, his words so heartfelt only pushing more tears from your eyes.

“Y-Yes,” You answered. “Of course!”

Aizawa leaned down, one hand on your cheek and the other around your shoulders as he kissed you.

You loved Aizawa and there was no question in your mind what your answer would be to him. There was no one else you could imagine spending the rest of your life with.

Disneyland was a great place for him to propose at and the way he had done it was literally perfect. The perfect setting and timing not to mention it was subtle but more meaningful than anything else could be.

You loved going to Disneyland with Aizawa.

It’s the way you hold hands through the crowds so he doesn’t lose you and how even when you are out of the crowd he still holds your hand. How he holds you from behind while you're in line, resting his head on your shoulder. That small smirk he gives you at the end of a ride when you look over at him with a big, excited smile. It’s sharing a pretzel, tearing off a piece of the bread and dipping it in the nacho cheese before stuffing it in his mouth for him. It’s how romantic it feels to walk together through the chilly night with the lights glowing perfectly around you.

There was no better way to spend a day with your boyfriend- no your fiance.

After the fireworks most of the crowds left, you took advantage of this going on all the popular rides again while there was no line. Once it got late, the park began to close and you both began to walk out through Main Street, the piano music filling the street like a goodbye.

“Do you want anything?” Aizawa asked gesturing to the gift shops.

“I think I have the best souvenir I could ask for after today.” You said holding up your left hand to him with a smile.

Aizawa smiled back taking your hand in his again, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Let’s go home, princess.” He said teasingly.

taglist:  @sugarmaplewings-fics @lilkiwisfinest @ewwis-but-more-otaku @kandy1410 @moonlightaangel @winnies-headcannons @bkglovesyou @paintedr0ses1 @toobsessedsstuff @spellboundxizi @ourladyofseijoh  @x0doodlebug0x @katsushimaa @mooncademia @moon-write @todominica @why-so-red @kvichisaki

[zypiris]

Im the chronic pain partner ask btw. Thank you so so so much for your input. It feels v hard because it's osteoarthritis (at 21) which only seems to have info for older people, is treated like a minor condition, and at a young age is treated like his fault. He feels exactly the way you described where all he can think about is stuff he cant do and it is just very hard. Currently doing as much research as I can and just trying to be a loving presence as much as possible. My heart goes out to you and everyone else talking about these things. Thank you.

The... journey, the uphill battle of making peace with a new future is something that’s going to take as long as it takes, and everyone is different. You are, in essence, mourning the lose of what your future could have been. There was a hope, faint dream that maybe it was something simple and it’d clear up, and then you could go back to how you were before. But now there’s a name, a permanent name, and you can’t. It’s going to be like this. Forever.

Keep giving him patience and support and validation. I can only speak for myself, but. It still hits me sometimes where I am and “where I should be”, and I have to take a breath. I usually apologize to my partner afterwards, for not being what they wanted and not being able to do things. Chores, sex, activity in general. They keep telling me that it’s fine and they love me as I am, and that I’m not a bad person or a failure or broken. It makes me cry, because I don’t believe it sometimes but if they do I can pretend a little bit.

Research what you can, particularly in regards to support groups (generally fairly thin on the ground) and resources online and in your area. You’ll want information about what he will need medically and personally, and ways for him to get what he wants (after things settle and he has a better idea what he wants in the future).

Look for a pool. One of the main concerns is going to be making sure he can exercise safely and as painlessly as possible when he is able to. Water provides great joint support, and has built in resistance. Pools are amazing and I love them. Walking to the pool is harder on my joints than the hour I spend doing light laps, splashing around, and dipping into the hut tub to give my joints a nice bake. (Heat helps a lot. Invest in hot water bottles, electric blankets, etc).

There’s going to be a lot of doctor nonsense. Since (In the US where I am, anyway) almost everything that can help is provided through doctors, you’ll both have to put up with a bunch of ableism nonsense. Even after you do find a good one, they can only do so much with their resources or the information you can provide (I answer a lot of questions of shrugging). It can help to go with your partner, and corroborate symptoms, as well as just providing a witness. Some of the lazy but not actively malicious ones will get their shit together just from having a second person. (Just make sure your partner requests it because of privacy laws and stuff)

Hang out in tags. That’s how I got my people, I just read through the fibro tag and found people that said things I agreed with. The osteoarthritis tag is all fucking clickbait, so try the arthritis one. There is going to be a certain amount of weeding through, but such is life. See about making a resource friend, who you and your partner can ask questions. (Is it normal to do this? Should I be worried? How do you handle spring cold on the joints?)

It’s going to be hard for you and your partner. Like, annoyingly, stupidly hard for no better reason than because people just don’t want to spend effort that doesn’t personally benefit themselves. But you’ve got your partner’s back. You can make a plan and do research and chip away at this. Your partner is going to have to do some prioritizing, but it’s not the end of everything. He is still capable of taking part in and enjoying life. He can make and meet goals. Living with a disability will teach you a lot about planning. I’m beginning to wonder if chronically ill people wouldn’t make the best tacticians.

I hope this helps, even just a little bit. I don’t have much hands on knowledge about arthritis stuff besides that it sucks but if you want to vent at me, I will validate the ever loving shit out of you. Make sure you take care of yourself, too. If you want to support your partner, you have to make sure you’ve supported yourself first, like support beams in a house. Build a strong house together :)

[gremlin-gr4pes]

Hi,

Can you write Logan and *a Side of your choice* with looking at the stars in the sky?

Request by @xandriagreat.

If you don't mind, I'll be putting Virgil there and I'll make it where it can be viewed as platonic or romantic.

Tw/Cw: swearing, platonic or romantic fluff.

Au: none

Word count: 1048

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Virgil's POV]

I had been searching for Logan for over an hour now. I had asked around yet no one knew where he was.. I'll be honest, if I said I wasn't worried I would be lying.

Sure I wanted him for some trivial question, one to spark an interesting conversation but I didn't expect him to just disappear from the face of the earth!

-or well- mind palace I mean. Though it was still unusual, where the hell was he?

His room was empty when a searched, beside the scattered papers upon his desk, his bed half made whilst a notebook and pen sat on top of it. Other than that everything was in order, as it always was.

The kitchen was occupied by a certain light-hearted side, one who made puns right left and center and constantly wanting to please others. That's right, you guessed it, I found Patton in the kitchen. Scurrying around trying to acquire the ingredients for a batch of cookies he wanted to make. He asked me if I wanted to help but.. I declined.

I almost lost hope until I noticed a distant silhouette outside of the window. The night was clear, without a cloud to be seen so the moonlight was visible and hit any surface it could find. The silhouette was familiar enough.. Maybe.. It was him.

[3rd Person POV]

The night was cool, not quite cold, not quite warm, a nice middle ground that may give chills down ones back if out too long. It was a nice spring night and from the position Logan was sat he could see a clear view of the Ursa Major and the Hydra constellations. If he so wished, he could look closely and see 4 more constellations.

Logan had always had an interest in astronomy, space, stars, planets etc. Anything to do with the vast void that was widely unexplored by humankind. Not to mention vastly expanding. He found himself outside of the main area quite often when everyone began to calm down, activity slowed and Thomas began to relax completely for the night. Work was minimal for the Logical side tonight.

This mainly happened after a project, which had happened as it was only today had they completed it.

Logan's eyes were locked onto the night sky as he allowed his body to relax. Not in a way he'd allow any other side to see. That was until he heard a voice from behind him, making him turn to the source of the sound.

[Virgil's POV]

I trecked through the field with light footsteps, keeping quiet as to not attract the attention of the sillohetted man who was far in the distance. I could only hope my gut instinct was right and that the twins weren't pulling some sick prank, leading me out as they somehow knew I was looking for Logan just to scare the shit out of me!

Though my skeptic mind eased as I found out it wasn't a prank.. Nor some random guy-or side.. I don't know.. Anyway, the silhouette, or should I say, Logan sat alone, looking up at the night sky. He looked so peaceful.. So relaxed. He always had this tense, strict demeanor so.. It was nice to see this side of him.

I almost hadn't noticed I had been staring, a light smile upon my face. When I did, I shook my head, I had to focus. "hey Logan.." I made my presence known. Though maybe it was a mistake.

[Logan's POV]

A voice behind me startled me. Only slightly, after all I am Logic. I straightened my back, ensuring I looked more presentable although sat on the increasingly dampening grass of the night and turn my head to the source of the noise.

Virgil was staring at me, not in a creepy way, I must add. He looked disappointed but I didn't comment on it, it wasn't my business. "Salutations Virgil, what brings you here?" I would inquire, not many went out this far unless they had to trek the forest to get to the dark sides part of the midepalace. Which was fairly rare.

He was silent, for what reason? I was unaware. Though it did look like he was contemplating something, only making me curious of what he wanted.

[Virgil's POV]

I was disappointed to see Logan's change, immediately straightening his back, looking more presentable.. Why can't he just allow himself to be comfortable around us? But he couldn't, he had to be serious because 'Necktie!' obviously.. It was a stupid rule.

"Virgil?" Logan's voice dragged me out of thought, looking at him like a deer in headlights. "hm, what?" is all I could respond with.

"are you alright? You didn't answer my inquiry" He announced. God- I'm so stupid! I should've been listening! Now I look stupid, idiot, ignorant- god damn it!

"oh, yeah I'm fine.. Sorry what was it?" I gave out a nervous laugh, blakenting my embarrassment but to no avail. But my embarrassment caused Logan to..smile? It was small but, I could see it.

"what brings you hear? Virgil" he asked once again, this time I heard him clear as day, although it was night. "oh, right.. I just wanted to talk".

"about?" oh.. Oh I made it sound serious-I didn't mean that. "oh.. Nothing really just a normal conversation" aaaand I'm making it worse-

"I see, would you like to join me" he gestured to spot beside him, maybe I'll see him relaxed again.. That would be nice.

I nodded lightly and joined him, sitting upon the grass and looked up to the sky. "are you a fan of astrology?". "a little.. I don't know much though".

I saw Logan relax once more as he seemed to brighten up at the idea of educating another. It was a rare sight, seeing him like this.

He proceeded to point out the spring constellations in the beautiful sky. Adding stories to the patterns, it was clear he loved educating people, and I loved listening to his insight.

The night went by, laying beside each other, talking, rambling, joking, the list goes on. Tonight was fun even if we only layed on damp grass and looked up at the stars.. It was nice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list:

@fire-and-ash67 @im-actually-ok @wintersandsunshine

Please ask to be added or removed!

[ally-writes-many-things]

Call out. (Matt Casey)

Summary: You and your husband Matt Casey were helping the charity run when a bomb goes off.

Words: 1414

Requested: Yes!

Prompts:

Warning/A/N: mentions of blood and injury. Y/F/P/N: your favorite pet name. Baby, sweetheart, cupcake, etc

Tags:

@miranda0102 @talicat713 @intergalxtic @babyfannii @corebore123 @halsteadsway @bethii1 @littlemaatta @disneyismyworldforever @nhcwdw

You and Casey were helping for the Chicago P.D and firefighters charity run for Chicago Medical. Jay Halstead one of the best detectives, he's also your brother comes up to you and Casey. "Casey, mind helping setting up a booth?"

Casey agreed and looked at you. "I'm gonna go into the hospital and get the registration forms,"

Casey nodded and gives you a quick kiss on your cheek. "Okay, I love you,"

You smiled at the l love you but you kiss him on the lips. "I love you too,"

You and Casey were just recently married about maybe two months ago after dating for two years and engaged for one. You could hear Jay make a comment and Casey told him told, shut up or he'll punch him. You laughed at the two of them. They weren't the best of friends when the first met but now they are like brothers cause well they technically are now. You get into the hospital and made it up to the second floor which was where the main lobby and the forms were at it. "I'm here to pick up the race registration forms?"

The receptionist looked through some papers but finally found them. "Here you go. Sorry about that. A lot of paperwork today,"

You smiled at her. You knew how busy a work day can get within a matter of seconds. "I know how that is,"

She smiled at you before you had starting walking back down to the stairs. You had an irrational fear of elevators. You knew how funny that sounded because you were a fire fighter. If you had to, you would take an elevator, but if you could choose, the stairs it would be.

You had just made it to the top step of the stairs when a loud boom went off.

----

Casey had woken up to a ringing in his ear and his vision fuzzy and to laying on the ground. He got up as fast as he could and looked around and saw a giant hole in the hospital. When the ringing had finally subsided, the screams and the crying started. Casey started shouting out orders to the other firefighters and getting uninjured civilians to help out. He didn't know how long had passed when he saw Truck 81 and Engine 51 pull up. He ran up to Boden, and Boden asked him what happened. "I don't know all the know is that there was a loud boom, and I was knocked out and when I came too, there was a giant hole in the hospital, people were screaming, car alarms were going off. Just pure chaos,"

At this time, Jay had ran up to Casey. "Matt, where's my sister? She's not answering her phone,"

That's when it hit him. He hadn't seen her. He had been so preoccupied with helping people that he didn't know where she was, but he looked towards the building. "She was in the hospital getting the forms when the bomb went off,"

Jay tried to run into the hospital but Casey stopped him. "Jay. NO. It's not safe,"

"That's MY sister in there, and YOUR wife could be hurt. Don't tell me not to go in there,"

"Jay, we don't even know if she's in the hospital. I'll find her. Stay put. You trusted me with to protect her for three years. Trust me now,"

Jay looks at the hospital and then back at Casey and nodded. "Alright text me as soon as you find her,"

"I will,"

Casey frantically looked around the parking lot and when he couldn't find her, he ran to the hole in the building. He started to climb the rubble but just merely missed a piece of ceiling falling. "CASEY!"

He turned and looked at Severide whose pointing above him and saw that the entire ceiling was about to fall. Casey moved out of the way just in time before the entire ceiling fall.

---

You had woken up to being under a slab of cement, you couldn't move, talk, scream nothing. "Y/N? CASEY?"

You heard Severide call out for you and you tried to say something back but you couldn't muster up anything, not even a tiny squeak. You looked around to see if you can make any sound with anything. You spotted a rod that you can pull down, and it'll make a sound. You reached up and did it once. "BABY! WHERE ARE YOU? CALL OUT?"

You reached up and pulled the rode down further and this time, it made a loud sound. "WE HEARD THAT! DO IT AGAIN,"

You couldn't reach up and do it again, after a few seconds you heard Casey call out to you. "COME ON, IF THAT'S MY WIFE DOING THAT. BABY, I KNOW YOU ARE PROBABLY TIRED BUT DO IT AGAIN, THAT'S ALL WE NEED ONE MORE GOOD SOUND AND WE WILL FIND YOU. PLEASE DO IT AGAIN,"

You had to reach up three times before you could pull the rod back down but you managed to do it and it was louder than the other ones. "IM COMING,"

You don't know how long it was when you saw a flashlight shinning the other way. You got an adrenaline spike when you saw that flashlight. So with all you have, you finally yelled. "MATTY! I'M HERE. HELP ME,"

The flashlight had quickly moved to where it had landed on you. "Hold on, we're coming,"

It had taken than less than three minutes to get to you. They saw that a slab of cement had you pinned down. "Is this pushing you on?"

You shook your head.

"Are you in pain?"

You shook your head again.

It wasn't pushing against you or were you in pain. The slab had you pinned, yes but it wasn't actually hurting you. The boys shinned the light on the slab. "You stuck in between two slabs. Your right leg is caught in between them. This might hurt I'm gonna try to free your leg,"

You nodded and grabbed onto Casey arm to brace yourself. Severide had gently but quickly got your leg free but once again it didn't hurt. "You're free, let's get you out of here,"

Casey had put you on his back and as soon as you were out of the rubble, he had slide you off his back and as soon as he did you instantly passed out, Casey almost not being able to catch you. That's when he noticed blood on your shirt. He quickly sits down with you in his lap and lifts up your shirt, you had a gash in your stomach that was bleeding badly. "DAWSON! I NEED HELP!"

Dawson comes running over and sees you unconscious in Casey's arms. "Oh shit,"

Dawson runs over to you and pushes down on your wound.

---

It had been a few hours since you had passed out from blood lost and you were in surgery. Casey was losing himself so was your brother. Casey had seen the nurse took you into the hospital come out into the waiting room. He stood up and walked over there. "How she is?"

"I can't tell you that sir,"

"What do you mean, you can't tell me? I'M HER HUSBAND! You either going to tell me how she is or take me to see her, or I will do it myself,"

"Mr. Casey,"

Casey turned around and saw the doctor that was doing your surgery. "Doc, how is she?"

"Your wife is out of surgery, but she is sleeping. She will make a full recovery. I will have a nurse come and get you when she wakes up,"

-----

"I was wondering why I wasn't feeling any pain, I just thought it might been the adrenaline running through my body,"

Matt looked at you and gave the side of your head a kiss. "Probably that, too. The doctor said that they'll keep you overnight to observe you but if everything goes well, you'll be released later tomorrow,"

You nodded and laid your head on your husband's shoulder and wrapped your arms around his one. "You're gonna stay with me right,?"

Matt moved his head, so he could kiss the top of your head. "Yes, baby. I don't know what I would've done if I lost you,"

You didn't answer him. You just tightened your arms around his. After a few minutes of silence. "I love you,"

"I love you too, Y/F/P/N,"

[yeoldontknow]

catch up tag 🌸

tagged by beautiful angels @chillingtae and @yoonia to do this catch up tag. thank you so much loves! i hope you guys are having a happy friday <3 <3

1. what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

kat is fine! i introduce myself to people as kat. if youre using my full name youre either upset with me or a member of my family lmao

2. when is your birthday?

jan 23

3. where do you live?

nyc

4. three things you are doing right now?

working (waiting for one of my systems to load which has been bogged down and super slow lately), listening to my spotify release radar (which is....not great today im disappointed), mentally drafting lines and description for the next hero chapter as im in the mood to write today but im absolutely not in a romantic place lmao

5. four fandoms that have peaked your interest?

uhhh ill list fandoms ive written fanfic for! kpop (obviously), merlin, muse, and supernatural (but like really specifically supernatural seasons 2-5)

6. how has the pandemic been treating you?

i mean....50/50. my company is amazing and i know im super privileged. ive been working from home since the end of february and corporate have been extremely generous (giving us additional time off, mental health days, extending summer fridays until end of 2021, compensating for home office needs, restructuring work from home policies to accommodate parents). i got a bonus in june in place of my raise due to financial tensions but was confirmed for another promotion next year - even was offered a new job, literally straight offered didnt even need to interview, to create my own team in a different department. i have a roof over my head and food on my table. my family is healthy, my parents are retired and safe. like...im so so so grateful.

mentally and emotionally and creatively...i am struggling. a lot of my inspiration for fics comes from being out in the city and observing people and their interactions. even architecture inspires me. the act of moving through a city inspires nearly all of my fics (like..i think everyone can sense that lmao asas is in london, light sakura is tokyo, all quiet is movement through spaces, hero was inspired by a building in harlem). not having that kind of motion and observation has made writing really hard. and also just...the news and the onslaught of hyper-reality. its been utterly daunting and ive found myself completely burned out more this year than ever before. usually my burnout hits during new years or the holidays. ive spent part of summer and part of autumn and literally all of november just...vacant.

so yeah. 50/50

7. a song you can’t stop listening to?

Flexibility of Mind - GRoost

8. recommend a movie?

Summer Wars (2009, hosoda mamoru)

9. how old are you?

31

10. school, university, occupation, other?

currently employed at a major company in the arts & entertainment industry

11. do you prefer heat or cold?

cold!!!! its so easy to warm up and bundle. who doesnt love cozy socks and hoodies and slippers <3 <3 its so hard for me to cool down in the summer and i hate sweating lmao

12. name one fact others may not know about you?

uhhh i worked in music supervision while getting my masters and the two degrees i have do not necessarily relate to the work i do now lmao

13. are you shy?

i can be. im definitely introverted and find other people to be way, way more interesting than i am. i enjoy listening to people talk about their passions and what interests them, and this also means that i dont say much or say anything at all about myself, really. im not usually the first person to engage in a group or even to introduce myself first to someone unless i get the sense there is someone uncomfortable (with the energy, the topic, the setting, etc) and then i will put myself in a position of leadership to make them feel safe

14. preferred pronouns?

she/her !

15. biggest pet peeves?

people who react rather than respond to criticism or confrontation; people who instigate drama; really loud groups of people on public transportation

16. what is your favorite ‘dere’ type?

i dont believe i have one

17. how would you rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be?

ill say like...8

18. what is your main blog?

this one - yeoldontknow

@yeoldontknowiread is for ficrecs

20. is there something people need to know about you before they become friends?

i can be pathologically secretive in that i dont really talk about myself or what my day has been like or what im up to unless something happens that is exciting or interesting. being an introvert also means that my regard for our friendship will define it as something sacred and i will likely be more devoted (though quietly so) than you might be if youre an extrovert. im really passionate about things and if i sense that you are not as passionate about those same things i will likely not bring them up again unless i feel like you want to hear about it. it might take me a while to respond to texts or messages, but it doesnt mean i love you less. there could be long periods of inactivity in our friendship but if someone else asks me about you i will say i love you and you are special to me and will call you a close friend even if its been years since weve last talked

tagging: @yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @jamaisjoons @j-pping @yeolville @loeybeans @ditzymax @imdifferentshadesofpurple @red-exo @iris-somnia @inkedtae @yeojaa @hobi-gif @sahmfanficbts @snackhobi @delhyun @yutacrush @nunchiwrites @blackberrykai @kimtaehyunq @jiminiethot and anyone else who wants to do this. i know i tagged a lot of people but really i just want to check in on you and see how youre all doing. as always please only do so if you wish <3

[its-sixxers]

Love yourself challenge

Tagged by the wonderful @boarix!

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works you created in the past year, (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want, (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

This was REALLY HARD to narrow down but here we go! Putting links to tumblr posts where applicable if you wanna reblog stuff.

1. Isolde Harte (portrait) My WoW main back when the gang was still Alliance. Apostate of the Church of the Light, student of the Void. Very much embodies the quote “to fight the abyss one must know it”.

2. Nheshien (WoW Portrait Commission) Really loved this character concept and I think it shows. Love Nightborne so much.

3. Flower Child More Isolde. Precious corrupted baby.

4. Deacon Pin Up I am without shame sometimes.

5. Glory Really happy with general color choice and composition of this. Something just CLICKED and I loved the result.

tagging: uuuh oh god who hasn’t done this. just gonna shotgun it (and give the general HEY IF YOU SEE THIS AND WANNA DO IT TAG ME) disclaimer, apologies if you’ve been tagged already lol im sorry @marvilus73​ @slothssassin​ @courier-sux​ @dangernoodleofhell​ @eeveevie​ @randomwordsandstormydays​