#>because that means they saw a girl

[deadlittledogs]

if this is too personal ya dont gotta answer but what made you realize you weren't transmasc/trans?

OH WELL I MEAN.... it's kinda complicated? In the sense that I'd have to explain all the little pebbles that lead up to road of me identifying that way in the first place. Simply, I think apart of it had to do with the act of deconstructing all those years, my internal thought process and also my personal perception of gender and sex.

(THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG ACTUALLY I LIED)

I was very confident I was trans when I first 'came out'. It seemed like such a simple answer. Puberty hit me suddenly, it seemed, and I could not cope with having the mind of a child but the body of a woman. It felt like overnight I had been haphazardly stuffed into the skin of a porn star. I didn't like that when people looked at me it was my sex they saw first, above anything else, and not my personality. Not my humor, not my hobbies, not who I was on the inside. I felt trapped, suffocated by my own breast, my hips, the curves that were constantly prevalent through the fabric of my clothing. It disgusted me. It scared me. It felt as though everything had changed and now I had this role to fill. I've always been a bit of a tomboy so being traditionally feminine made me feel out place. Like I was wrong, pretending to be something I wasn't. I hated skirts, hated dresses, despised wearing makeup because I felt it exasperated these feelings of-

"You aren't right, you aren't one of them, you're different; a farce, an imitation."

Then I got more involved on the queer side of the internet and with these feelings that had arose, combined with the gender dysphoria I had felt in the past as a younger child (caused by trauma and general tomboyness) I was like. Oh. I must be a dude. It makes perfect sense. That's why I don't feel like a 'woman', that's why I hate my tits and my hips, that's why I'm so bad at being a girl.

It went this way for a while, I flipped flopped for a couple years and also went SUPER HARDCORE BIMBO MALLSLUT when I was around 17-18 'cuz I was really desperate to be a normal girl (aka dressing really slutty and sending nudes for money and then getting confused when I got horribly horribly fucked up over it cuz isn't this supposed to be empowering? What about the slut walks? This is my choice, isn't it? So why do I feel like killing myself?)

I WENT AWHILE BEING TRANS THOUGH, EVEN THE TIMES I WOULDN'T ADMIT IT OUT LOUD I SAW MYSELF THAT WAY....

I hated being 'misgendered' and being called a girl in general. I knew that when they saw me as a female, despite my best efforts, that I had failed to obscure myself properly and was a walking monstrosity. Instead of seeing someone who was normal, I knew that they saw a disgusting, man-ish, and ultimately failing woman instead. It completely repulsed me and I'd get shivers of delight when someone would mistake me as a boy, because that meant that the inherent sexualization of my body had been successfully hidden. I had been a 'person' and seen as someone 'normal' and not just a mound of tits and hips jiggling around.

There were times where I would get hyper focused on appearing as masculine as possible (other times where I simply wouldn't care), and I'd make a great effort at micro-managing every little thing about me. Hiding my small hands, being extremely critical of the way I walked, the lingo I used, the way that I sat. It'd make me feel dizzy sometimes, this obsession with trying to being something that ultimately I did not understand. Being male did not come naturally to me, it was something that I had to try to whip into every fiber of my being to feel a semblance of validity. But yet often, I did not recognize myself. Looking into the mirror often brought feelings of drifting and derealization. The critiques my mind constantly supplied would keep me up at night and it felt like a battle I was constantly losing.

I was so exhausted and tired from these years of fear and hating myself, being too afraid to touch anything feminine because I was convinced I couldn't do it right. I asked myself, what is gender? What is sex?

Is it normal for a woman with trauma to hate her body so deeply? To feel fake? Could I just be a woman, as I was, and not need to change a thing?

What is a woman? Is a woman just a 'feeling?' you're supposed to have? Is a woman makeup and high heels and shiny things? Is a woman being naturally empathetic and maternal? Or it simply a state of being? A body you were born into?

I had often wished to be born as a man but it was the realization that no, if I had been born into a male body and raised that way I wouldn't be myself at all. It wouldn't be like just like plopping my brain into a different body. The person I am now, my experiences and my personality wouldn't even be remotely the same. I am who I am because I was born female. It made me appreciate myself for the first time, in a unique way.

I found that I would try to embrace my fears and be an 'ugly' woman and that I was tired of obsessing over my gender and how I was perceived by the eyes of others. I started reading more stuff from angry feminist, watching movies with female leads (that winter Ginger Snaps and Jennifers Body played on repeat, yo) and listening to detransitioners.

And slowly, I found, I loved being a woman. Women have something men don't and that's something I've just observed- and I am very observant. I have a need to understand people and their behaviors, I watch those around me closer than most and I spend a lot of time in my own head either psycho-analyzing myself or those around me.

Men are just different, man. I don't think I realized this as much when I was younger lmao. They aren't the way they are in shows or movies or cartoons; there is no real Eddie Munson, ya know? HE DOESN'T EXIST.... The only times I watch a movie or something and I'm like "Okay, yeah that guy probably actually exist somewhere," is when there's like, a pissed off dad or something.

THEY JUST WORK ON A DIFFERENT FREQUENCY, MAN and I was like, no, actually, I don't want to be apart of.... whatever this is...

EVEN WHEN I WAS TRANS I ONLY HUNG OUT WITH CHICKS AND WIMPY DUDES..... any time I hung out with like, normal guys, it became very apparent that we were on two different levels, ya know?

But you know what's fun....? Just cuz I'm a chick doesn't mean I don't do the crap I used to. Like, fuck, man, I still love pretending I'm a dude sometimes... ITS FUN.... I would totally dyke out with a chick if she wanted to look like a couple of twinks with me. Like yeah man I'll be your boywife, I'll absolutely get into some yaoi boy shit with you idgaf.

I be wearing cargo shorts and an oversized hoodie and dirty sneakers and just looking like an absolute lesbo AND IT DOESNT MEAN SHIT........ I could grow out my mustache, chop off all my hair, wear nothin' but the mens section at H&M but literally that has nothing do with my gender. Why should it? To me being a woman just means that I'm female, doesn't have anything to do with my interest or personality or sparkle feelings or whatever (although, I do be shopping). AND CLEARLY I MEAN I COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON there's so many things I could ramble on about and honest to god as long as this might be this is probably the most condensed version I could possibly muster (Don't even get me started on the long lasting effects of early childhood sexual trauma and early exposure to porn, how I was more comfortable with the idea of being with a man when I was trans or how the 'queer' internet just poured gasoline on my burning teenage mind) BUT UGHhHh......... I don't know....... I feel like despite my best efforts with my wording I'll still get a pissed off little gamer in my inbox so I'm gonna go cook a turkey burger before I regret speaking at all lmao

BUT YEAH...You guys can ask questions if you want more insight though! I'm pretty open about most things if I feel like you're not asking purely just to put a bee in my bonnet. You can also DM me if you want to get deeper about it but idk.... IDK.... Just some pennies for thoughts.....

[finleycannotdraw]

I don’t have the capacity to be coherent right now but. this movie is so good

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

No time to play. You are being sent away.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[ryllen]

Sebek & Yuu's teenage child . [insp] .

[sergle]

what I was talking abt earlier. we have fully looped back around and away from feminism, societally, whereas before it was very Feminism 101 to acknowledge that many parts of existing as a woman in a misogynistic society are painful and upsetting. not that being a woman is Inherently Negative in a bubble. but that living on this earth, in the conditions we're living in, is hostile to women. and that gender is a performance. that many of the Staples Of Femininity as accepted by society are things that you have to create and perform and mold artificially and aren't inherent, that COMPLAINING about day to day difficulties of existing as a woman is something that you're allowed to do. acknowledging these basic, again, feminism 101 things, that something tied to womanhood is more time consuming or more expensive or more dangerous Because Of The Problems. does not CREATE the problems. that when women complain about having to perform femininity, they are not, in fact, oppressing themselves. the call does not come from inside the fucking house. saying that you HAVE suffered does not fucking equate that you believe you SHOULD have suffered.

like I could talk about this for hours. how braindead and one-dimensional the Takes are getting. "being a woman is looking in the mirror and going fuck yeah i'm a woman" damn. I guess any negative experiences you have by living in a misogynistic world... are your fault if you are anything but positive? "you don't actually want liberation" we've fully gone back to telling feminists "you WANT to be oppressed" when anything negative about our society is pointed out. it's not real until I say it out loud, I guess, and then I'm actually the one who caused it. if anybody expresses any unhappiness with how they're treated or the status quo or the language and culture surrounding womanhood and femininity. they've created it, right that second. they invented it just now. it wasn't a problem before somebody complained, right? also trans women aren't braindead zombies who just follow the flow of whatever cis women around them say. I am pretty fucking sure they are very much aware of pain, and are MORE than aware of the swirling torrent of misogyny and standards of femininity than anybody else. actually. and I am pretty sure someone complaining on tumblr that being a woman means always putting on a performance is going to make someone change their mind about transitioning. also "performing femininity" as a necessity to being treated well as a woman is not fucking NEWS to your Local Trans Woman. I AM PRETTY SURE SHE GETS THE CONCEPT. using trans women as a scapegoat for this braindead perspective on gender politics is spineless, meritless, and pathetic.

[roseworth]

i think ppl who compare alex dewitt to uncle ben are correct, and i will stand by the fact that even though alex coined the term fridging, it wasnt really her being fridged since its more complicated than that. but i feel like with that its still important to talk about how there WAS misogyny in alex's death because of the way its different than uncle ben's

their deaths were definitely the same idea-- alex & ben both died so kyle & peter respectively would understand the gravity of being a hero and would take it more seriously, and their deaths had more narrative significance than an average fridgegirl

however. i think its worth mentioning that kyle didn't need it the way peter did. when alex died, kyle WAS being a hero. the reason he wasnt with alex when she died is that he was saving people. alex's death was used to teach him that being a hero wasnt fun, which was not a lesson that she needed to die for him to learn. when ben died, it was to teach peter that people were going to get hurt if he didnt stop the bad guys. ben's death was used to teach him about great power, great responsibility, etc, and the lesson wouldnt have had the same weight if he didnt die. the reason alex had to die was so kyle could have Man Angst about it, not because her death was vital to the narrative in the way ben's was

building off that, alex was killed by someone that kyle had never met and had no way of knowing about. ben died because peter saw the man that killed him earlier that day and didnt stop him, but alex died just because kyle was busy at that moment. again, he was saving people. alex didnt need to die to teach him a lesson about being a hero since he WAS already being a hero (not to mention he gets the same lesson like 5 other times when he meets alan & hal & the other lanterns. but we can ignore that for now). as a character, peter needed uncle ben's death to define his morals & his view of himself as a hero. alex didnt die because of a mistake or a choice kyle made, her death was just to give the story flavor and to give kyle something to be upset about

also, the way they died was very different. the point gail simone was making with the term "fridging" was that alex's death was needlessly brutal. uncle ben was shot off-panel, and all the reader sees is cops at peter's house. alex was attacked and strangled on-panel, and her body was mutilated and shoved in a refrigerator for no reason. while this is partially just because one is from 1962 and the other is from 1994, the point is that the man gets the grace of a simple death while the woman gets the unnecessarily gruesome death

anyways. im not saying that alex and ben had to die in the exact same way for comparisons to matter. obviously theyre different stories and different lessons so theyre going to be different deaths. marz intended alex to be kyle's uncle ben, and she was! but the misogyny comes in when you think about how different their deaths are

[expectiations]

Is it just me or does the phrase "dumb Darillium River" make your ears ring too?

That phrase hurts me like crazy because it takes away how the post-Manhattan events affected her so deeply. And now that we have the added knowledge that she gets to see her parents in New York even after Manhattan, THORS now presents itself in a different light.

River's resounding "the Doctor does not and has never loved me" cements the implication that she and the Doctor had a huge row after Manhattan. What would you feel if the love of your life told you he "does not and has never loved" you? Certainly not happy.

Do you know what grief does to one's mind? No matter how brilliant you are, grief changes you. Grief makes you a different person. I would know, having experienced it myself. And River, in her grief, jumped into a headspace that shut out (or tried hard to) the Doctor.

Yes, she should have recognized it was him she had unknowingly dragged along on her space Robin Hood quest, but for her, it isn't him. It wouldn't be. Because that was the last thing she had heard him say.

Grief and pain clouding her mind, she proudly asserts that no, the Doctor isn't there. He won't show up for her. He has never loved her. But of course, she loves him. She's never denied that. But he proves her wrong soon afterwards. Because she is the Woman The Doctor Loves.

So, yes, on the surface level, "dumb Darillium River" seems to be what THORS had made River to be. But no, it wasn't. It isn't. It was about a grieving River and a chance for the Doctor to right his wrong. (And yes, we were robbed of that kiss. Homie here quite clearly wanted one.)

originally posted over on twitter.

[kaitobromota]

🍦What’s the Tsumugi salmon mode ending trivia? (<- brain chemistry unironically changed because of Tsumugi)

Honestly it's less an Easter Egg, per say, and more, HEY HOW DO MORE PEOPLE NOT TALK ABOUT IT IT'S WILD

And after some more 'normal' dialogue, at the very end...

LIKE HELLO??? It's completely out of left field and the only moment like this in all the post game stuff. Super eerie there is something sooo wrong with her for this <3

[dudethatsmyundeaduncle]

Tim Drake is the kinda guy who has one of those fidget spinner knives cuz he's chronically online and thinks they're cool.

(They're not cool, they get banned from young justice briefings because everyone including Tim gets distracted by them)

[blakistan]

Watched Across the Spiderverse last night and honestly. All those people like "its ambiguous you can't go around saying Gwen is trans" WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN AMBIGUOUS??????? I was told it was the one pride flag and the suit colors kinda match but NO IN UNIVERSE 65 THE COLOR PALETTE REFLECTS YOUR MOOD AND WE GET NOT ONE BUT TWO AGRESSIVELY TRANS SCENES WITH THE TRANS FLAG PALETTE COMING INTO PLAY

[ct-multifandom]

I don’t usually make posts like this, but I’ve been seeing a lot of anti-intellectual junk lately, and I really think we need to put the word “pretentious” up on a shelf until people learn what it actually means.

It doesn’t describe someone who likes artsy-fartsy deep meaning media. People who are pretentious are fake. They’re posers trying to be sophisticated and unique, not like other girls. They pretend to only like stuff they think will make them sound cool when they talk about it. They want to act like they know something you don’t, and they want attention for it.

By definition, if you genuinely enjoy something, you can’t be pretentious. If it resonates with you, and you analyze it, and you don’t care what people think, that’s the polar opposite, actually. If you love obscure experimental prog music, if you watch underground high concept indie films through English teacher eyes, if you spend hours in a modern art museum reading each piece as a vessel for storytelling, if your backpack’s full of poetry books that inspire you, if you play underrated games that were someone’s passion project, if you have an interest in studying the classics or the masters, you are not pretentious.

Of course, some people just don’t like some stuff, and that’s fine, but that’s not what this is about. Don’t let anti-intellectuals shame you for enjoying things just because your interests are inaccessible to them, because they refuse to be brave and put effort into critical thinking. You’re not stuck up for refusing to overlook the craft of artists.

[mickeym4ndy]

I wonder would Mickey have felt differently about Yevgeny had he been a girl

[enter-drfrog]

One thing I’ve learned through my years of consuming live theatre and bootlegs of live theatre is that you can almost always tell when someone used to be a Newsie.

They always have this like indescribable quality about how they move even compared to other incredibly well trained dancers. I think it’s just because Newsies is such an insane, other level caliber of dance that it just brings them to another quality of movement.

I don’t know how to describe it. I just know that whenever I watch something the Newsie always stands out.

[variousqueerthings]

I think it's also interesting to see how things change depending on the time in which they're being engaged with. so I see things about rose today that point out that she's written to be 19 when she meets the doctor and that's a big age difference (which... I understand the point is it's a big age difference because billie piper was 23 and eccleston was 40, and then dtennant was like 34/35 when he started which isn't so big of a shift but anyway the optics I get what people are getting at, but also I think it does oversimplify a lot of what's actually going on in the written dynamic, anyway-)

and also that the rtd run's Themes start coming together properly around s3 (although they are present from day one), and in some ways at this point, because nu!who has been running for... fuckn. actually quite a few years, which is wild to me as someone who started watching as a kid, and I wonder if classic!who fans felt the same way about their show and anyway -- she shifts from being Literally The First Companion You'd Seen For 17 Years (not counting the movie and fan things and the sketch) Who Was Defining A New Era For A New Generation to... a companion

comparable to other companions, comparable to the rest of the show

we sift through the writing to see what worked and what didn't (in our opinion), and we know how the ten-and-rose storyline Really ends, and how the ten storyline ends (sort, of because now that doctor and donna are Back), and we know what happens afterwards, and we talk about tenrose with a 2020s eye, and rose is "just" one of the people that travels with the doctor, one of several, and notably the one who gets most of the sunshiney doctor that buries a lot of the (wonderfully portrayed) angst of the latter half of the rtd show, and doesn't have as much lore as everything after that, so the story is "just" more simple overall

and to me she's kind of incapable of being just that. doctor who was still a risk that first season, it wasn't a done deal that it would have legs at all, never mind that it would continue for as long as it has. rose was created to be the Face of what nu!who was, moreso than nine/eccleston, because even with the extra angst and the eccleston gravitas, we know the doctor, the doctor is established, it's not actually the doctor that needs to sell what the new show is going to become and what the Feel of that new show is going to be (I mean, partly ofc, but-)

rose was doing so much heavy lifting and she succeeded! she was the face of who before dtennant or any other doctor or companion of his era and subsequent eras. she was created to appeal to a demographic of girls who wanted someone relatable in science fiction, because rtd wanted this to be for the girls, and billie piper came into it off the back of being a popstar and it changed her entire trajectory (for the better I think/hope -- there's a lot of bad shit in billie piper's past and I'm always sending her a fond thought)

nine/ten-and-rose were It! not calling it romantic or platonic or any secret third thing (haunting the narrative), but simply It! that's why it has so much staying power as a ship (which, my opinion on shipping has been somewhat *eh shrug* in later years, but in early-days when that was how you engaged with dynamics that got to you, of course it was going to be massive). it's so hard to properly describe how "for the time in which it was made" that this dynamic was written for, and how successful it was. it was rose that breathed doctor who -- and the doctor's character -- to life, as much as herself

she sets the stage for everything that comes next, both within and without the show proper

and I'm always so pleased that rtd at the time was thinking about what was needed to create this character and he opened with a shot from a girl on the estate with messy hair, clumpy eyeliner, and a minimum wage job, and went "that's the girl who's going to go on the adventure of a lifetime, that's the girl we're seeing the story through and relating to, because that's what girls (and uh... those who were girls at the time - and their parents and the boys) should be seeing."

I know rose isn't the first working class companion including classic!who, but she set the tone for nu!who and her family and background are important to why she is who she is, and is explored

"I've got no A-levels, no job, no future-" said the girl about to see the universe

she was very much for teenagers, and so she reads differently when you're an adult watching it back (much like those "teenager saves the world," novels you loved as a kid), but that's why she's 19 at the beginning. that's why she's billie piper (who does a perfect job). she was there to bring a new generation into this story, and it was perfect. and then she grows up. and we grew up. and she had adventures and it was brilliant and she survived and she made a life for herself. that's her story

[moonilit]

Aww the side story of the barbie (not date) but from Shouta’s POV, this is the cutest by @cyanoscarlet

Alliance in Pink - Side Stories, First art

[honeybunchesobees]

it's bout to be 20-fucking-24, and we still out here discussing if chloe price is a toxic bad person or not. yall chloe haters just admit yall hate women and cant handle a bad bitch, and we can move the fuck on. cuz im sick a yall.