#??? should work. idk if i will ever post more but y'know.

[stairset]

I realize this could get me crucified in certain circles but as good as Andor was I really do think its fans can be truly insufferable.

[bruisedloverr]

i've started to play degrees of lewdity and i'm considering also reblogging stuff about it here because in no way i'm exposing i'm playing that game in my main

[aliorsboxostuff]

Idk if u will do this request but! Miguel’s time is like futuristic set right? ( trans people would just transition and be more accepted in this timeline sí right? 😭) so Miguel He went to college at a high prestige science university and so did reader for he is too an smart as him with his own creations in robotics and chemistry. Miguel had tried to get alone room accommodation but failed and got partnered up with transftm!reader and they became roommates. Reader fell in love with Miguel but he didn’t notice cuz he was too focused on his work and whatever. Years go by aka spider verse but suddenly miguel needs help from his old college roommate. Angst fluff maybe…smut??? Sorry English isn’t my first language 😭😭

Hey anon! I appreciate the idea and i love how much you fleshed it out! Dont worry, i completely understand your vision, and i get it english is hard for me too lol i hope i got your ideas right tho, sorry this turned into angst more than what i was aiming lmao enjoy all!

History

Tags: Miguel O’hara x FTM!Reader, Villain!Reader, Lyla, Past Relationship, Angst, Falling Out, Fighting, Arguments, Dirty Thoughts, Meet-Cute, Pining, Secret Crushes, Miguel is as dense as ever, poor reader on this one HAHA

They had a history. Of living together, spending time with each other, but despite all of that it all went downhill. Who knew your ex-roommate turns out to be Doc Oct

(Takes place before Post Credit Scene in into the Spiderverse)

—

"Miguel, I hate to tell you this but we can't-"

"There has to be another way, you designed this Lyla!"

"Hey! Don't blame the AI, blame the maker! I only followed what you said!" 

Lyla huffs and glitches to another part of the console. Miguel is currently hunched over a table in the corner of his lair, the only light illuminating his project is the light rod over his workbench and the monitors around him. 

The girl busies herself with schematics, working out equations and trying to find where they went wrong.

Miguel's latest work on the multiverse brace is to eliminate the glitches that it makes whenever someone uses it. It could potentially lead to wounds from the cells traveling to a different world, and even the healing factor won't fix it. Worst-case scenario, it would lead to a fatal wound, possibly death, and Miguel can't risk that if he's gonna start interdimensional travel. 

His eyes scan over the chip connected to his computer, adding and removing codings that might've gone wrong. He's wearing the headband Lyla gifted him, or mailed to him when it was his birthday months ago, to be exact. 

"I swear the shell is all good, Miguel. It should all contain the molecules needed for the portal bracelet,"

"Can you please stop calling it that?" 

"What? 'Portal'?"

"Yes. It's not a portal, we already have that," Miguel rolls his eyes, gluing them back to the screen.

"Then what are we calling it?" Lyla pouts, adjusting her heart glasses.

"Transdimensional Pathfinding Wristlet."

Lyla pauses her work, and turns to Miguel, her brows raised, the blinks once, twice. "Wh- seriously?" 

"Y'know what, I'm not even gonna try," He shakes her head before glitching to another monitor. "Leave it to the crazy scientist to name his things,"

Miguel ignores what his AI had said, instead focusing back on the chip. If this succeeds, it’ll be the first dimensional trip the prototype could make, and he’d prefer not to be a piece of burnt toast once he comes out of it. He coded another line, before he ran a diagnostic. The screen glares red, the annoyingly big letters of ‘ERROR’ pops up.

Miguel blinks, before he feels his claws coming out, promptly making him stand and throw his chair across the room. It shatters, the metal pieces clinking to the concrete floor. He heaves, sharp fangs bared, barely causing anger at his fingertips. 

Lyla fixes him with a look. “That your fifth chair Miguel,”

The man takes a steady breath, wiping his hand across his face, working at his jaw. He tilts his head sharply and something pops. He faintly hears Lyla clicking her tongue. 

"There's a guy I know,"

—

"What do you mean there isn't any- I booked a single room last week," 

"I'm sorry but there must've been a mishap in the system. I'm going to have to put you with an available roommate," 

"I don't want-" Miguel sighs, tapping his foot insistently. "Look, is there any way I can register for another single room?" 

"You can wait a couple of weeks for a vacant room, but you'd need to consult with the head of the faculty." She nodded to him, a regretful look behind those blonde bangs. Miguel huffs, hands on his hips, thinking out a decision. 

"Fine," He groans. "Who's still available for a roommate then?" 

The girl's brows raise before she quickly types something into the computer, reading out what looks like a list with numbers and names. "Oh!" She smiles. "Room 304, on the third floor is still awaiting a roommate,"

"Great, thank you," Miguel grumbles, already picking up his boxes where he left them on the floor.

"If you'd like-" The girl calls for him again. "I can talk to the faculty member, see if I can help you with the room situation," 

"Sure, I'd appreciate it," Miguel's back is already turned to her as he makes his way to the building's elevator. With his gym bag slung over his shoulder, and the boxes of his unfinished work, traversing the hallway takes a bit of an effort. Students were not mingling around because most of them were already in their rooms, with the time turning just after 5 PM. 

Finally, he reaches the elevator doors. Miguel shuffles the boxes into one hand, struggling to press the button before he is beaten to it by another hand reaching for the ascend button too. 

"Here man, let me help you," The person says, already picking up the two boxes that cover Miguel's vision even before he said anything.

"Hey don't-" He begins, before he finally gets a good look at the person that dared to touch his scraps. The man in front of him, standing just inches taller than him, hair with an unintelligible style, captivating eyes and the faintest smirk on his lips. 

Miguel's brain stutters a bit. "I'm- nevermind, thanks," 

"Of course dude," And Miguel's interest plummets. "What floor?"

"Third please," He nods, pressing the button once he and Miguel get in. The door closes and leaves the two in silence, only the faint whirr of the elevator's machine. 

"So, late to dorm assignments?" 

"Nah, they messed up my request," 

"Shit, really?" He turns to Miguel, his brows furrowed. 

"Yeah, now I'm stuck with a damn roomie,"

"Oh yeah? What room?" 

"304, apparently," Miguel huffs, looking down into the box he's carrying, the tape on it peeling slightly. The guy halts, now his brows are raised. 

Miguel's turn to look confused, before the guy chuckles lightly. "Funny you say that 'cuz," 

"I'm room 304," He smirks, readjusting the boxes. 

There's a pause, before he feels the red of embarrassment gathers on his cheeks. "You're-" 

"That damn roomie? Yeah,"

"Fuck, sorry I didn't-"

"No no, it's fine! Really," The guy laughs, shaking his head while Miguel tries to formulate a coherent sentence. "I don't mind man, I get wanting your own space though," 

"Hey, I hope I'll be a good roomie," He bumps Miguel's shoulder lightly, his smile not fading. Miguel finds himself mimicking it slightly. After that, he introduced himself to Miguel, his major and such.

The elevator opens just after that, the two make their way down the hallway. He asks about Miguel's major too, just as they reach the door. 

"I seriously didn't think I'd get a roomie," He chuckles, turning the key with a million other key chains. It jingles, before he pushes the door open and into the room. "I'll go check with the front desk-" 

"Oh!" He turns after putting down the two boxes he was carrying. "Just got the text, said they'll give you the key tomorrow," 

"Great," Miguel rolls his eyes, putting down his box on the vacant desk and his duffle on the chair. He turns, inspecting the room that he's been sent to stay in. One side is already cluttered with his roommate's stuff, plants and books and papers strewn about. He tilts his head when he spots a flag on his desk.

"You're trans?" Miguel asks, turning to him where he was still standing with his phone out. He hums and lifts his head, meeting Miguel's browns.

"Oh that old thing? Yeah," He scratches the back of his neck. "I know, I get it. No one really cares nowadays, the worlds moved on, whatever," 

He glances at the little flag, pink and white and blue adding color to the messy desk. He smiles. "It's a reminder, I guess," 

Miguel stares at the flag, just once, before he nods and shrugs, turning to open his boxes. "Sure, that's cool," 

He can practically feel the sunshine radiating from his roommate behind him. He crosses his arms, turning again to face him, and he's right because his roommate has a really bright smile. "I hope we'll be good friends, Miguel," 

—

"Miguel there's so many people in Nueva York how am I supposed to-'' Lyla stops, before she grins. "Nevermind, found him!" 

Miguel finishes his spider shot, cracking his neck again as he sets the syringe down. He turns towards Lyla, the AI already projecting the location. "Looks like our guy lives in… the slums? I thought you said he was a prodigy," 

"Yeah well not everyone gets a decent job even if they are a genius," Miguel huffs, running his hand through his hair as he looks at the mirror.

"Who's you said the guy was again?" Lyla begins to scroll through the data. 

Miguel sighs. "Old roommate, back in college," 

"Ooh, interesting," She giggles.

"Lyla don't-" 

"I'm not looking through his history! Just a peek, though," 

Miguel lets out another sigh, walking towards the large opened window. "Uh, hey Miguel, are you sure about this?" 

"Why what's wrong?" 

Lyla displays her screen as it glitches in front of Miguel. According to her research, the old roomie has been caught by the police stealing items from hardware stores and electronic stores, a handful of accounts of disruption of peace according to the other tenants in his old apartment. And he's currently deemed missing.

"Where did you say his location was?" Miguel reads through the file, his brows knitted. 

"Just here, some abandoned warehouse in the slums," 

—

“Miguel, man, you’ve got to eat,” A tray for warm food was suddenly placed between Miguel's paperwork. He huffs, pushing the plate away and to the edge of his already small table. He hears a sigh, before the plate is moved out of his peripherals, and Miguel is back into his work.

“Dude, you only ate like, one energy bar after going to the gym,” 

“I’m fine,” 

Another exasperated sigh, before his roommate goes back to whatever robotics he was working on. Miguel has been perfecting his latest assignment the whole week, going back and forth on his computer, writing down research papers and consulting with his professors. Meanwhile, the man that he shares his room with is tinkering with a recent robotic piece he’s been pouring his heart into.

It’s correct that they share most of their schedule together. Miguel would wake up before dawn, and so would he. They’d run a couple of laps around campus before hitting the gym just before it gets too crowded. He’d spot for Miguel while Miguel would comment on his form if it needs any improvement. Sometimes they’d share breakfast together, before they head for their different classes, though ever since Miguel has been engrossed in his recent paperwork, their time spent together has been blessed. It'd be a lie to say Miguel doesn't miss their shared time, but he supposes seeing him back in their room after a long day is enough. Though, it doesn't seem enough for his friend. 

Unbeknownst to Miguel, his roommates have been supporting a devastating crush on him. Stolen glances, longing eyes whenever Miguel's back is turned towards him. Times when he’d stare a bit too long whenever Miguel was doing his bench presses, times when he’d stand close just to feel the comforting warmth beside him. He’d fuss over Miguel, bringing food or drinks, bringing things Miguel might've forgotten with his busy schedule. Sometimes, when Miguel worked too late and too much, he’d fall asleep on his desk, at which he’d bring his blanket to cover Miguel’s back. In the morning, he rolls his eyes and says something about Miguel getting a bad back, which Miguel would promptly ignore. 

It’s currently Friday night. The man that's sitting on the opposite side of the room has seemingly lost interest in his robotics and decided to peer out of their bedroom window. Suddenly, Miguel is bombarded by a loud shout coming from outside of their room, and snaps quickly to the source. He sees his roommate has opened the bedroom window and is looking out into the campus’ courtyard. 

“Yeah, I'll join you! Be right down!” He hollers, before he shuts and locks the window. Miguel turns, blinking away the slight dizziness he got. 

“Who was that?” 

“A friend, they're having a party at one of the frat houses, you wanna join?” He grins, pulling on his leather jacket and pocketing his belongings. Miguel has never been to a party and he's not about to start going, especially when he has a deadline to push. He shakes his head, always swiveling back his chair. 

“No thanks,” 

He hears his friend scoff. “Come on Miguel! You’ve been working on that thing for ages now, you deserve a break, and the deadline isn't for another month!” 

“I’m not interested,” Miguel bites back, barely glancing at his pleas. 

“Just this once, I promise it’ll be fun! I’ll be there and I can take care of-”

“I said I'm not interested.” He spits out, already hunching into the part he’s soldiering. He doesn't hear anything, not an answer or another push for him to join. The air has changed, something heavy hangs between them. The tension is palpable, but despite it all Miguel only hears the shuffling of his friend's boots. 

“Sure, whatever,” His roommate fixes a stare at the back of Miguel's head, before he unlocks their door. “Y’know, one of these days that work of yours is going to destroy you if you're not careful,” 

And with that, he leaves Miguel alone for the night. 

—

“What the fuck!” Miguel jumps and manages to hold on to the side of the building. “Lyla searches for his weakness points!”

“Hah! You think this has a weakness, Miguel?!” The man shouts, a wide grin on his lips. “I’ve perfected these arms, they are practically indestructible!” 

“SO this is how you greet your old roommate?” 

“I’d prefer for us to meet for coffee, but after how you treated me, I think this…” He brings a menacing robotic arm towards him, as if to inspect it. “Is way better,” 

The arm suddenly lunges towards Miguel which he narrowly avoids. He jumps and entwines two of the appendages together as he lands behind the man, at which he growls and breaks free of Miguel’s red webs. “I never treated you badly!”

“No, not really huh,” He smirks. “But you never noticed the shit I did for you anyways!” 

He spears those sharp arms towards Miguel which he does a couple of doges before jumping down the rooftop they were currently fighting on. 

“All of those morning coffees, late dinners, all for nothing! None! All because you were so fucking focused-” He sharply turns, grabbing Miguel’s wrist and stopping him from dropping a punch. He suddenly pulls Miguel towards him, burning anger behind those eyes. “On combining a damn spider's DNA with yourself!” 

He throws the Spiderman across the street, breaking several walls until the momentum finally stops. Miguel groans, cracking his neck when Lyla suddenly pops up. “Boss, the control panel for those arms is on his back, if you could pull it apart from him, it’ll stop him from controlling it,”

“On it.” Miguel swiftly stands, running through the many rooms he passed before leaping into the air, catching the man off guard. He throws a punch that lands on his face, throwing him off balance and into the concrete street below. He grows, and fixes his jaw, before launching back to full force against Miguel. 

“It was all fine until you went out with that fucking brunette!” He shouts, throwing debris towards Miguel which he weaves and dodges. “Did I ever mean anything to you?!”

He’s got Miguel pinned to the ground, and pushes all of the arms to stab at him, but instead misses and gets buried in the ground instead when Miguel swiftly pulls away with his web. He struggles to get the appendages out of the strong concrete, suddenly finding them stuck, an opportunity for Miguel to rip the control panel off. He swings above the man, landing directly behind him where he quickly digs his nails into the seams of the panel. 

“I’m sorry,” Miguel manages before he pulls. An ear-splitting scream, before deathly silence. Miguel could only hear his heavy breath, before sparks of green ran through the man's body, and it jolted him. He shouts, before falling into the pavement. Miguel takes a beat to examine the control panel, before throwing it somewhere on the ground. He spots the bareback of his once roommate, a horrid sight of root-like marks growing around the man's back. Miguel furrows his brows, before he hears the faint police sirens, no doubt coming over to clean up the commotion. 

Just as Miguel was about to make his leave, he heard the man cough, a horrid groan behind him. Miguel glances slightly, as he hears him begin to speak. 

“I was right… Your work did destroy you.”

Requests are opened! Remember to reblog!

[echowithpain]

I just woke up so I'm still a little loopy and was scrolling through Tumblr and saw this post and it made me think of that time Maddie and Chim invited Buck and Josh to dinner at Chim's old apartment and Josh said if he didn't know any better, he'd think Maddie was setting them up. And honestly??? That actually would've been really fucking cute???

Can you imagine if Buck and Josh had started dating??? Buck going to the call center and using the excuse to see Maddie and take her to lunch only to "accidentally" run into his boyfriend and starting a happy flustered conversation with him before he has to go back to work. Oh my god I can actually see it so clearly:

Maddie’s typing away on her computer and glances up, looking over her monitor and seeing Buck in his civies walking through the door (cause he's all legs lol) and she stands up and goes over to him asking,

"Hey, what’s going on?"

And he's like "Nothing! I just thought I'd come by and treat you to some lunch." all while doing that thing he does with his hands and looking around the room trying to be casual about it.

And Maddie’s like, "Uh huh. So there's no other reason you could possibly think of that would bring you down here?"

And as Buck’s about to deny it then Josh walks over, having just finished a call and he sees him and is like, "Buck?"

And Buck perks up and turns to face him and is like, "Josh! Hey!"

And Josh is like, "Hey, good to see you. What are you doing here?"

And Buck starts explaining, "Oh, you know. I just came down here to see if... Maddie, wanted to grab some lunch with me. Y'know with the heatwave, people are probably going crazy out there." all while Maddie’s playfully rolling her eyes

And Josh of course finds this amusing and is playing along and starts telling him about a few calls they took, and Buck would be happily listening and nodding along and even giving a few comments here or there before Josh finally tells him, "Yeah, it's been a day. While it's finally slowed down, we're still a bit busy. But don't worry, I can cover for 'Maddie' until she gets back from her lunch break." While nodding at Maddie

And Buck would be like, "Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry, I should uh, let you get back to work."

And Josh would go, "Yeah, probably. See you later, Buck." and give him a wink while walking off and taking another call "911 what's your emergency?" all while Buck's watching him go with his big puppy eyes

And then Maddie would put her hand on his shoulder, getting his attention, and be like, "Hey. I know you're just using me as an excuse so you can come down here and talk to Josh in person, but I just want you to know... I'm holding you to treating me to lunch today."

And Buck would be like, "Yeah yeah, okay." and give a final look at Josh while Maddie’s laughing and getting her things and then they leave.

CAN YOU IMAGINE????? 🤩💖🤩💖🤩

Oh my god this started out as a sleepy ramble that turned into writing fanfiction and me actually getting upset over what could've been. Seriously think about it!

Buck and Josh are already good friends. If they started dating we could've gotten:

more Buckley siblings interactions

more scenes of the call center

more Josh, Linda, and Sue

Eddie and Josh "conflict/rivalry" (im still tired so idk the right word but I'm talking about when Eddie worked at dispatch and took over the call with the speed reference and Josh stepped up afterwards with the "You're a guest in this house" and how Eddie threw that line back at him when the place caught fire. Ever since, I like to think they have unserious beef, every now and then trying to one-up each other lol)

Buck constantly using Maddie as an excuse to visit the call center to see Josh until he's able to work up the courage to go up to him on Maddie’s day off and ask him out on a date (this could've been so fucking cute holy shit)

It could show a bi man and a gay man going out with each other and having fun and good chemistry, but ultimately deciding to break up and still remain good friends afterwards

HELL!!! YOU COULD EVEN HAVE JOSH BE THE ONE TO POINT OUT THAT BUCK IS IN LOVE WITH EDDIE AND HELP HIM REALIZE HE ACTUALLY HAS FEELSINGS FOR HIS BEST FRIEND AND HOW TO SORT THOSE FEELINGS OUT!!!

Honestly, fuck Tommy for leaving Buck on their first date. Josh would've understood Buck’s panic because he's been in Buck's shoes. Also knowing Buck and Eddie’s relationship, and how based on Buck’s reaction could piece together that he's not out to him yet, Josh could've played along and had a bit of banter with Eddie, and then reassure Buck that they would go at his pace, and NOT LEAVE HIM STANDING ALONE ON A STREET CORNER BECAUSE HE PANICKED WHEN HE SAW HIS BEST FRIEND WHILE OUT ON HIS FIRST DATE WITH A GUY!!!!

Damn, now I'm actually getting mad.

I've said before that I didn't like Tommy's character but accepted him as a way for the GA to get used to the idea of Buck being bi, but now I can't even say that anymore. Their scenes feel so awkward except for when they're making out, and they've only kissed twice, both kisses only to be establishing something. The first was to show the GA Buck was bi by having a guy kiss him and him liking it, and the second was to show the other characters he was bi by kissing a guy and getting soot on his mouth from it.

While I know they were gonna do the bi Buck storyline this season, I do think Tommy was shoehored in it. They originally said the person flying the helicopter to find the cruise ship was gonna be Lucy (miss her) but they couldn't get her actress because of scheduling conflicts or something, so they got Tommy and made him a pilot instead. I'm almost certain if they were able to get Lucy's character to fly the helicopter, Tommy wouldn't be here.

Josh actually would've been a great bi realization for Buck as well as a great first boyfriend. I've already listed reasons above but here's some more:

The GA already knows who Josh is and know that he's gay

He's an established character people already like

He's actually nice and funny but can be firm when he needs to be

He's really smart and is skilled at what he does (need I remind you of when Sue got hit by that car and he lead the police through a freaking maze with no helicopter support. bro's a badass!)

He's shown to be friends with the main cast (they all know and like him (except maybe Eddie lmao))

We already know part of his backstory (why he joined the call center and how he met Sue)

He can be vulnerable and cares about his friends

He's not above pulling pranks/getting pranked (when Linda and Maddie tried to make his schedule crazy cause he kept giving himself time off whenever there was a full moon, and he found out but let them think he didn't know until he tricked them into confessing)

Josh deserves to go on a date with a guy without getting beat up halfway through (still pissed about that storyline)

I could go on and on but I'd get even more upset and I've got shit to do today. So I'll leave you with this:

Fuck Tommy, Josh would've been a better choice

Oh, one more thing. For the people who are inevitably gonna bring up Carson or whoever it was and say Josh is dating him, we don't know for a fact if they're dating or not. Josh asked Sue if they do background checks for people working for them (again fuck that storyline) and when she said yes he went over to the ambulance and they have a small talk. We never see him again lmao. For all we know, they could've dated and broken up by now, or Josh could've asked him out and he kindly turns him down. We don't know cause we haven't seen him, and I'm not gonna argue with people who's main complaint is "What about that one guy Josh liked in season 5 that we haven't seen since that one episode?"

Shush and think about how cute Buck and Josh would be.

[littlemissprettyprincess]

This is for everyone who seems to be "struggling" with states + what I can suggest + My success story.

-Have you ever been one of those people to reach "that moment" in manifestation where you wanted to be, even if you have never either it doesn't matter. You know how much of an outsider and annoyed/obsessive over loa when seeing other people succeed and couldnt really find what would work for me. Sounds like you, huh? You are not the only one, I'll tell you exactly how to get out of there + master your manifesting skills and a bit of self-concept.

The. answer. is. staring. right. at your face.............................................Yes.

"But anon, wdym by that??" What I mean is that notice how all of these people who post their success stories are in the state of easy/effortless manifestation. Like they mention how easy it is and how effective it is. Thats because of their state, they chose to occupy the state of someone who does the bare minimum in loa and still gets wtf they want. It doesnt matter how many times you repeat your affs, persist, mental diet, you wanna know why you waste energy doing that? Is because your occupying the state of "difficult manifesting", meaning you obsess over it, you try so hard but "nothing" comes, you feel you need to do the most to get it. Notice how all of these points I made fall under the state of "difficult manifestation"?? if you were in that state, those things I just mentioned would've been what you experience. Why?? BECAUSE YOU OCCUPIED THE STATE OF SOMEONE WHO ISNT SUCCESSFUL IN MANFESTING!!!

A thing I def reccomend when using states to manifest is to understand the 4D IS THE TRUE REALITY AND NOT THE 3D. Yes I know you're tired of hearing the same thing but now that you have a shifted paradigm on states, it should be easier. What I did was know that the 4d is the blueprint, kind of put it on the pedestal but not in the negative way. It was a way where I didn't ignore the 3d and affirm against it, but focused on my 4d and stuck with it. Because "ignoring the 3d and affirming agains it" simply implies that your 3d is filled with undesirable things and you affirm against it.

Cause trust me I've been there when I say living in my 4d was making me crazy, but you know why it did? Was because I looked at the 3d for validation/ didnt trust what my 4d is saying. It's kind of like y'know when you like a guy/girl and your friend warns you to stay away from that person but you get annoyed at them because you think what they're saying is bullshit?? Same thing applies. If you dont trust your 4d and realise it creates the 3d and is so much more powerful than what you experience, when will living in the end ever be a fullfilling thing to do? Get it? "Fullfilled" LMFAOO I'm so hilarious, but enough of my corny jokes. Heres a summary

-Be in the state of someone who is a master at manifesting/self concept etc.

-Know that your 4d creates everything, when its done in your 4d, its done in 3d, a simple way to put this is just live in your mind because when you realise that, you change your imagination, you change your reality and there is so much power in knowing that.

-ANNDDD THENNN you can apply everything else like persisting, repeating affs etc.

I got perfect self-concept doing this, like I got compliments today and I felt so confident, I love the way I'm so pretty, like why am I so perfect and gorgeous?

I manifested many straight niggas to like me at my school (im black and gay) let me tell you!!! a nigga stopped and walked back and stared at me to see "Damn who is that??" I was laughing so hard.

Overall my life has improved, I get things to go my way and yeah. thats about my successes. I might start a blog but because of how disrespectful anons are Idk if I should.

-tysm lovies, stay hot nd mysterious, and know how powerful you are!!!! stop wavering!!!!!

omg, thank you so much for sharing this ! i hope this helps some people ! ♡

[kemosabeko]

RE Actor AU!

I thought I could hide it but I really can't anymore

*this is mostly about wesker but will I apologize? Nah. Imma do my own thing.

A/N: these are very, VERY self-indulgent

Warnings: None, just fluff and crack

Also this is my first post in Tumblr so idk how do texts/posts works in here :p

This was created because my current hyperfixation rn is wesker (YES)

You'd think with his role he'd be uptight and quite the serious actor. Yknow those types.

Oh boy oh boy would you look at that. He just brought another coffee for everyone on set.

MF LITERALLY IS ONE, IF NOT THE MOST, KINDEST PERSON YOU'LL MEET.

Always there to help crews moving their things, especially the heavy ones like camera.

Helps fellow actors with their script and scene.

But the most noteworthy trait of his is being a family man.

WOFJWISHJS GODDD HOLD ON

He literally SHOWS OFF his twins to his co-workers.

Everyone is a victim

"Chris look at this. They're walking"

"Yeah you showed that to me like five times alr-"

"they're WALKING"

Okay biggest victims are Chris and Leon

Jill and Chris are people who entered the industry the same time as Albert and has worked on multiple projects with each other. Hence, their closeness.

Now back to the general cast

Chris and Claire are literally siblings in real life

This franchise is actually Ada's first acting role in the industry! Which immediately became a huge boom to her career, which she didn't expect.

She was actually originally working as a stunt woman, but one time a manager suggested her to do acting after seeing her try to double a character since the original actor was sick, and she couldn't be more thankful that she took the risk.

She's very skilled in martial arts!

She and Albert are some of the few casts that don't do double-stunts.

Leon is a child actor starting from the age of 7.

Came from a very wealthy (aristocratic) family

ABSOLUTELY IDOLIZES ALBERT

Y'know that one story of Tom Holland when he talked about RDJ and was absolutely stunned when he entered the set?

Yep. That's literally Leon on his first day on set.

Look. He's worked with a lot of big shot names. Cate Blanchett, Robert De Niro, Morgan Freeman, Nicole Kidman, you name it!

But has he ever worked with this man with basically a face and body carved by the greek gods themselves, slicked back hair, and possibly the smoothest and healthiest skin ever, who's basically his entire fucking idol and goal to work with? NO!

So why, should he NOT FREEZE UP when he finally met him on set?

Albert saw a blonde, handsome boy sticking out like a sore thumb from the entrance of the set. He quickly realizes that this is the actor they cast for the protagonist. He walks up to them and smiled warmly.

"Hey! we got a new face around here. You must be Leon Kennedy right? Nice to meet you! I'm Albert Wesker"

He stretched out his hand to shake with him, but all Leon could think was

"oh my god... it's ALBERT FUCKING WESKER"

Poor blondie basically stopped working for a few seconds, before he realized how stupid he looked and was on his way to ruin his first impression.

He quickly snapped out of his shock and went to shake his hands and OH MY GOD THEY'RE SO SMOOTH AND WARM AND HIS SMILE--

Had to take a breather when he went to his tent after that encounter.

After that and throughout the shooting, they became closer and eventually became close friends

Which is how Albert met you but that's for another story.

Carlos has a HUGE and I mean, simp level of huge, crush on Jill.

This man really was the real smooth operator cause when he heard that Jill, together with a male character, will be the MC for the third franchise? Oh this man was on a MISSION.

Immediately auditioned and prepared for the role like his life was on the line (on his defense, it was)

The first to hear about this was Chris.

Which he then gossiped to Albert.

To which they both supported Carlos by giving him tips about what Jill likes, hates, her fave foods, her favorite movies, all of that and etc.

CHRIS AND ALBERT #1 VALEVEIRA SHIPPER 💯

Literally had them plotting the most insane shits for a date

Thankfully, their shenanigans bear fruit after a year when Jill finally accepted him as her boyfriend.

Man was so over the moon, he deadass called the other two in the middle of the night to talk about what happened.

Albert was NOT happy being interrupted in his sleep, but decided to let it slide hearing the joy in the younger man's voice.

After all, he wasn't so different when the same thing happened to him with you.

Oh also, did I ever mention that Albert ADORES children?

Which is why he found Sherry so cute! Even though she plots pranks with Leon and Claire occasionally.

Throughout the years, they have become absolutely close friends that they consider each other as family (I'm starting to hear Dom Toretto)

Leon and Ada also eventually became a couple after years of painful pining (the rest of the cast and crew had to suffer witnessing their years of pining for each other)

They often do a late night chats with each other, sometimes they do IG live together when everyone's free.

The fans ABSOLUTELY eats them up because it's their source of meme and crack content from the cast.

The Behind The Scenes were filmed by almost all of them, or whoever wants to.

Tons of them are Chris tripping over almost everything.

Claire trying her stunts and being extremely proud when she successfully does one without her double.

Carlos just playfully punching and having beef with the camera.

It also includes Albert teaching Ada some stunts on how to do them better and more safely, and vice-versa.

And then you got Luis, Ashley, and Leon straight up doing a mukbang ASMR for one of their BTS (they failed horribly cause they, especially Luis, can't stop laughing)

Luis tries teaching Ashley spanish but eventually gave up. But after a few months, Ashley came up to him and said in almost perfect spanish "soy un raton rubio"

Loverboy felt like a proud parent he started singing out of nowhere.

*I feel like I really have so much more to put but maybe I've finally exhausted my ideas so here they are!

[littlespoonevan]

Ciara!! you are so real for that tag 'i just wanna be hELD' like???? relationships were never a necessity in my life,,hell,,im 28 and like never had one actually and it never truly bothered til this year. I feel embarrassed for not having anyone in my life ever and start to think that maybe I have some kind of a problem? because yes I haven't actively searching for it but also nobody offered anything? showed any interest?idk? and these days all I want is just to be held. I wanna come to a home where im 100% me. I'm sorry dumbing this on you I am thinking about it a lot these days and seeing your post and tags was like universe screaming at me or sth

oh bud, you are absolutely not dumping this on me!!! i'm nodding along vigorously with everything you're saying!!!!

i've been in one relationship (which was bad for So many reasons and certainly was not romantically fulfilling in any way) and i've dated a little but the true, genuine affection that comes with being loved by someone is just......not something i've ever experienced lol.

and i think when talking about it online a lot of the time the legitimate reasons some people have for wanting to be in a relationship sort of get brushed off in a 'you don't need a relationship to be happy!!!! romantic love isn't everything!!!! be proud to be alone!!!!' kind of way. and i mean. like you said, i'm fine on my own generally. it doesn't bother me. and i don't need a relationship to be happy.

but also. i'm still allowed to want one?????? why shouldn't we get to fall in love, u know??? or find that happiness and love and affection with somebody????? why should i have to settle for being alone when most of the world isn't????

and y'know, re the age thing, i think it's a vicious cycle bc the older you get, the more it maybe feels embarrassing to reveal your lack of experience with relationships so it can make you back out of dating someone before things get serious but then that just means going Even Longer without having those experiences askjdfh i have yet to work through that issue myself lol

also. i know dating apps have been very helpful in one way but in another i feel like they have rUINED dating culture bc it feels like now you do have to be actively looking in order to date anyone. (i am so firmly against the whole 'it'll happen when you least expect it' thing that is highkey not true anymore askjdfh) but my experience of those apps is just everything feeling so formulaic and like you're ticking boxes of the same basic conversation you have with multiple different people while also swiping past people you could potentially really like bc all you're seeing is a few pics and whatever info they've decided to reveal in their bio (which is usually extremely limited). and in general, i think they really don't benefit people who prefer knowing someone in person/being friends first before dating (like me)

but yeah tl;dr. it's really hard sometimes, when i've had a bad day or i'm stressed, to know if one of my friends felt like that they can go home to partners who'll hold them and comfort them and make their day better without having to be asked. and i just....go home, pick myself back up, and carry on. it would just be nice to not have to deal with everything on my own, y'know?????

relationships certainly aren't everything and not all of them are good but also i would like someone to take care of me now, thanks 🥺

[dooptown]

my disorganized thoughts about the main reason i don't like 343 halo stories

i feel like one of the biggest failures of 343 Halo's stories is lack of character, literally. Pretty much every major player from the original trilogy is dead by the end of it (thanks marty) so they were left in quite a pickle. It had to be hard creating a new cast of characters, especially with 4's tone shift. It worked for some people, but this post is specifically about one character from the original trilogy that's been pretty much shafted by 343 and i cannot understand for the life of me why they don't utilize him

and of course i'm talking about Thel "The Arbiter" Vadam

sure he was controversial in 2004 but he's easily a fan favorite now. he's like the only major relationship chief has with someone who isn't cortana (or johnson but y'know...) They're former enemies who are forced to work together, with chief literally being the reason for Thel's entire character arc

i also think it's really interesting how cordially Chief talks to him when they're grabbed by gravemind (who i think was done the dirtiest in halo 3 irt to writing but this post isn't about that)

guy pretty much just says "hey, chill bro" when he sees him struggling. Like, Chief is THE guy who kills these guys. He's the one human that's probably killed the most of them. And he's just so quick to just casually quip like that. He sees him as a person. I just think it's such an insight into his character, and seems like the start of a fun dynamic relationship

Unfortunately that's the only time he ever says more than one word to Arby. Of course Chief's silence in 3 is due to Cortana not being with him, as she's the only one who can bring out his more talkative, sarcastic and quippy side. Him not saying a word to Arby is just an unfortunate side effect

343 could have changed this with their games. They could have brought Thel in and had him as a major player in the stories. I understand shelving him for 4 since that story was for chief and cortana, but having him appear in 5 and having their only interaction be teased in a cliffhanger and only talked about in a fucking BOOK is one of the most insulting things a game franchise could do. His further absence in infinite is also bizarre to me. Like i get that the stories they're telling don't really need to involve him but also they're not great stories anyway. They keep bringing cortana back (even though she should have stayed dead in 4) while ignoring the only other major relationship Chief has that he could develop to properly replace her friendship. Halo 4 and Infinite's story about grief and moving on rings a bit hollow when you're replacing the one important relationship you had with a near carbon copy of it

i could understand 343 writers being intimidated about using the arbiter (although i think most people's favorite part of 5 was his inclusion so idk i think it'd be a safe bet to keep bringing him back) since the vacuum in Chief/Arby interactions has mostly been filled in by fanwork and fan discussion. Maybe they're afraid of backlash if they don't depict it in a way fans would accept? I really don't know but i think anything would be appreciated instead of literally nothing

this all ties into a previous post i made about how 343 is afraid to tell stories that aren't human centric. I have no more expectations for modern halo, but it would be nice to see the deuteragonist of the original trilogy return to the series

also he's hot

thanks for your time

[numetaljackdog]

what i'm listening to 9/5/2023 (song notes under cut)

spot. link//yt link

Laura Les - Haunted: haunted. by laura les.

Laura Les/osno1 - ditch a body in the laundry (feat. Dylan Brady): i'll make no secret of it; i've been a sad little dog this past month. and this song is like PERFECT sad little dog soundtrack material (the whole ep is, and lots of laura's work if we're honest... but more on that later). there's this absolutely ice-cold novocaine hatred instilled in it, the kind of agony that stings the skin because the very action of having to exist as a physical animal hurts so bitterly. i'm really terribly obsessed with it and have also cried a lot to it and i really like the addition of dylan because while his part is short it's very good. links to this post also

House Of Pain - On Point: i lovvvve house of pain omg ^-^ their second album is kind of a cult classic and while idk if i'd say i like it better than the first, it's still real good. and this is a banger single. that horn riff? awesome. we did this one for videos night (which i am still planning more of!!) and it was fun. there is a little surprise slur moment in the last verse which is. y'know. but as far as the sound goes i think this is basically unparalleled, i could listen to songs that sounnd just like this forever and ever

Radiohead - How To Disappear Completely: did i mention that i was sad. bc i was. this was another song i turned to when lying in bed late at night and just really going through it. the idea of being able to disappear off to somewhere, anywhere that wasn't where i was...... well you get it. tears a gal up. it's almost like this is a good song on a good album or something

Madness - One Step Beyond: yeah okay a couple songs from the skaugust WILT stuck around. i just adore that fucking deep growly riff that comes in after the spoken intro, i can never ever get enough of it. and it's so danceable but still maintains that narstyness. good good shit i love ska so terribly much and especially the rockingest rocksteady beat..... of MADNESS

Nirvana - Blew: this should probably be higher tbh but it's close competition. despite remaining relatively unknown when held up next to something like about a girl, blew is SUCH a highlight from bleach (and i do really like bleach). the way kurt's voice lays over the main riff makes it so chunky and layered but it also feels dissonant, like it was accidental or improvised. every day i become slightly more of a nirvana fangirl.... there's worse things to be

Ada Rook - UNDERNEATH IT ALL: GOD i fucking love this album. it can be really dumb sometimes but it's so just. grrrrrrrrrh. ada rook is one of those musicians who just Gets It, i've often said that her music is the type of music i wish i could make. and the addition of ash nerve on this one creates that nice balance between abrasive screaming cyber rage and prettier clean sung choruses and harmonies. kind of the same effect the two achieve on angel electronics projects but i prefer the overall sound of this a lot

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard - See Me: does anybody have the video of that weird as fuck animation with this song over it....... i watched that and was like idk what to do with this but the song jams i wonder who this is. and i found it in the notes and was like ahhhh that makes sense. the glizzard. and yeah idk the descending melody that kind of quavers around the lead line is just really otherworldly and takes me in right away each time i hear it. it's cool

The Specials - A Message To You Rudy: i feel i've said pretty much everythingg i wanted to say about this song. it's just one of the catchiest damn things ever

House Of Pain - I'm A Swing It: hey they're back!!! this one doesn't stick in my head as much as on point but again the sound is just immaculate and there's always so many corny-but-actually-really-good lines. it also always interests me how much everlast referecnes rock musicians and the like. he knows the audience lol

laura les/osno1 - nothing just hanging out: less of a song really, but still so representative of that coldness that represents me. none of the cemetary stuff is gonna be available on spotify, those are my local bandcamp files, and i don't have an individual upload of this track on youtube nor the time to create one, so i just put in an upload of the full ep. just listen to the whole thing it's really good and not that long. but yeah sorry lol

Mark Morrison - Return Of The Mack: i think this appeared on a previous WILT but i mean. talk about the catchiest things ever!!!!

Crisis Sigil - Blood Semen Box-Elder: a favorite album cut from the new crisis sigil. this release my first proper exposure to the project and mannnn that shit is brutal. this one esp methinks. once again. rook music good

Nicki Minaj - Roman Holiday: was listening to this one because of worstsongever and being like whoever nominated this doesn't know shit. this slaps hard. i was never like especially a nicki fan but this just straight up goes. weird as fuck but that's kind of the appeal. if you want a REAL bad song, that will come later

The Front Bottoms - Au Revoir (Adios): no not this one!! well. maybe a bit. idk i like folk punk but never really cared about these guys that much? but i've met some people recently who do like them and was like yeah i could give this another spin. i do admittedly alwways think of the post that's like "this gif is silent but it still manages to sound like shit." it's not as deep of a song as it's probably supposed to be, but i still think there's something there. a lot of folk punk songs focus around character writing that acknowledge their flaws, including (and sometimes especially) the narrator and this is a good example without coming out and stating it. it piqued my inch rest

Roxy Radclyffe - Exemption's Dominion: i'll be real i don't exactly "get" what this song is about but it is freaky and cool. i was really interested to see the music video when it popped up in my subscriptions. the part of the song that does get stuck in my head is the little two-word pitchshifted phrases in one of the verses

Haggus - Uneducated Politician: someone recommended "mincecore" to me, and these guys in particular. weird as fuck sound but i think it's fun! maybe it's just the bad recording quality but the growls on this track in particular come out sounding reallll fucked up, which is what drew me to this selection in particular. still got a lot to learn about this whole scene but it's made it this far with me!

MC Boing - Car Song: tbh i don't tend to really like danny harle, i don't mind him but it's just not really my deal. this one got me, though, despite being dumb as all fuck. we are driving in a car car car car car car. mc boing indeed

Eminem - FACK: you did this to me, worstsongever (R.I.P.). it's annoying to me that i actually don't completely hate this thing.... it manages to be so stupid it loops back around to being funny for about a minute and then it just gets so old so quickly. but somehow still found itself stuck in my head :( many such cases

[bakafox]

So I called an aunt who'd sent me a card for my birthday and just y'all a day or so later I am still tired, and now more so since my last little bg3 post reminded me of it.

BC of course I was asked how I was doing, and I am TERRIFIED to ever make it sound like I am 'cured' when I am not, because I WANT TO AVOID being told I should get a job and off disability, but also am trying to remember to not bring up every little speedbump in my life and I am doing better than I used to. I *am* pretty stable.

SO I say I am doing better and stable and then panic because I am so used to the idea that some people will immediately start asking 'so when are u going to work at least part time' so laughingly I added "I still can't hold down a job or anything, I still can't keep schedules" which is true, and to be fair, IDK that this aunt or uncle would've bothered me about jobs except after I was relieved that that went over without argument...

They started asking me if I've considered volunteering at local homeless shelters and soup kitchens and things, framing that as a good way for me to get out and meet people while helping people. BC surely they can use volunteers even not on a schedule. And y'know, I'll be a better person for it! I'll have a purpose!

And just.

I'm tired.

I want to be allowed to just be stable and do what I want to do or feel I can do without having ideas thrust at me without asking as to what I should be doing.

They don't WANT to hear that I can't even cook for my fucking *self* regularly but that that's actually stable still and better than I was, but apparently if I don't lead with that, I'm gonna have it suggested I should cook for others.

And I don't WANT a capital P Purpose To My Life. I just want to live, and yeah I hope I am helping others sometimes when I'm able to donate time or money or energy to doing shit, but mostly I want to live and chill and be enough without being even more exhausted than I already always am.

[chryblossomjjk]

I just wanted to say this to all the readers who are asking about a part 2 of the weekend.

While I, too, would LOVE a continuation bc it was finger licking good (if y'know what I mean) and the execution was AMAZING, we do need to respect kiki's choice to only release the one part of the story.

She's not giving up on the story or trying to ignore the interests of her readers. But instead, is putting out her story in the way she wants to present it and choosing to share that with her audience.

It's the same as if she painted a beautiful but somewhat heartbreaking and bittersweet portrayal of love on a canvas, and we asked her to further it to give it a happier and more soft narrative just for our enjoyment without appreciating the rich concepts already there.

She allows room for interpretation after the ending for the readers, but furthering the story wasn't part of the idea she wanted to capture.

So, let's try to remember as readers that to truly appreciate the works that writers are SHARING with us (that they do outside of both school and their jobs) means respecting their boundaries when they say they won't continue a story and not trying to peer pressure them into changing the storyline/develop it further to fit our wants bc that's not kind nor is it considerate.

That aside, the story wouldn't be very genuine in the end if she did. She can't cater to everyone, and honestly, every fic would pretty much be the same if writers did that.

Kiki has been very gracious and sweet to everyone asking about pt 2 or an ending, and I very much admire that, but we should really try not to abuse that. Y'all are such cool readers, but we can always be cooler by respecting kiki 🤘😌.

Ily u kiki 🥺. You're so cool and deserve all the hype and luv💕✨️.

bby i love you with my entire soul and being and you mean the world to me!!

it doesn't necessarily bother me that people are asking for a part two, i appreciate the enthusiasm and interest in my writing!! means the world to me!! but with that being said, the point of this piece is to be ambiguous and up to interpretation!! this story is meant to just hang in the air, no resolution, no hopeless heartbreak.

and i agree!! i know that fanfic is escapism to everyone, me included, however, its also someone's writing yk? and topics they like to explore. i generally tend to like writing realism and angst. not that happy endings aren't realistic, however, they're not realistic in every circumstance!! especially the plot of the weekend!! my escapism is just exploring plots n characters in a way that feels authentic to the world im trying to create!!

furthermore, any movie or book or writing thats ever stuck with me has had an unideal or unexpected ending, so those just tend to be the things i like to write!!

also platform changes have kind of killed my willingness to write certain things lol. for whatever reason, the platform has been super duper agressive with labeling and shadowbanning my fics within like 2.5 seconds of posting lol, so my motivation to write is not what it used to be. not that i dont want to, just my dedication to one storyline is faltering as of now!! i do apologize!! i understand that a lot of people support my writing and i do feel some sense of beholden (idk if i used this word right rip, i just mean i feel like i owe you guys!!) to those people bc i genuinely appreciate the love sm!! all i can promise is to provide the best stories i can with what i feel motivated to write!! i have no desire to continue the weekend and never intended too!! if i did it would be v disingenuous to myself and readers!! hope you all understand!! love u dearly <3

[lynnedwardswrites]

AITA WIP Intro

It's a tag game! Write an intro for your current wip by writing an AITA style post from the perspective of one of your characters. I'm going to use Creed from The Hare and the Jackal with one of the major tension drivers of the whole book? So strap in for thematic spoilers I guess?

Tagging @lola-theshowgrl and @frostedlemonwriter and anybody else who wants to! :)

CW: sexual betrayal

Am I The Asshole for being interested in another woman?

I (40m) and my partner (35f) have worked together as con men for the last 10+ years, which, maybe 8 years ago or so, started to include cons where I would seduce or divert various women (usually nobles) to earn trust, secrets, or sometimes just access to their homes in the middle of the night. This was my partner's idea when we started and I've always made a point to make sure she's ok with it before using those kinds of tactics on any given job. And she's always been super fine with it. More than fine, even. Like sometimes I get this weird feeling that she pushes me towards those kinds of jobs on purpose? Like she wants me to... get my "needs" met or whatever somewhere else. She's never said those words exactly, but... idk it's like she doesn't actually like having sex with me. Like that aspect of our relationship is a burden to her. And... I mean I get it, cuz she's had a pretty turgid relationship with sexuality because of stuff from before she met me. And I love lots of the other aspects of our relationship. But sometimes I can spend hours touching her in all her favorite ways and her eyes will just kinda glaze over and I'll lose her.

That didn't used to bother me so much until I met this other woman (noble, so I have no idea how old; met her cuz she's the mark for a current job). And she's, like... idk. She just seems... healthy in a way my partner is not. Like she's... got something to give. But I also feel like a complete asshole even saying that because of course my partner has stuff to give and I feel like an entitled little prick even thinking that maybe she should be giving more to me despite, y'know, how hard sex can already be for her. Gods, this is so raising stupid of course I'm the asshole, what am I even saying??? This other woman is probably just using me to get something, just like I've used dozens of people before I met her. Why am I even on this forum.

EDIT: THE OTHER WOMAN TREATS ME DIFFERENTLY, OK??? She treats me like I deserve to be, idk, to be looked after and cared for too??? It's like she looked into my soul and saw how damn hard I try all the time, being as sensitive and patient as I can, and said "now it's your turn for tenderness" and I want what she's offering and I don't know what to do or how to talk to my partner about these feelings or if I even should??? I can't ask my partner to give me more than she's able to!! Do I just have to hide this from her forever? Forget anyone ever made me feel this way??? Because other woman is not somebody I'm ready to upend my life over but I just don't know if I could tell my partner about these feelings without getting ridiculed or yelled at or just hurting her feelings in a really big way that she doesn't deserve. But I also don't know how I'm ever going to be happy again knowing there's this void in my life that isn't being filled.

TLDR I might be unhappy in my relationship and getting some needs met for the first time that I wasn't even aware I had and it's making me consider breaking off my relationship with my long-term partner. AITA?

[delusion-of-negation]

personal, potentially triggering, post below the cut, needed to vent

you know how I bitch about how sections are like six months in my country? but idk if I've also mentioned that, because you have food and shelter, benefits will be cut or even ended. which at first might seem reasonable to you, until you remember what happens if you can't pay rent for six months. especially as you're physically locked somewhere and thus unable to work. like, I will note that they can't throw you onto the street afterwards, they'd have to help you get a place to live (which they could circumvent by putting you in a hotel iirc, so idek). last time I didn't have my own place, but I'd just been kicked out of my home, so I applied for benefits and couldn't claim full backpay to when I was kicked out because I was fed/sheltered (well, on paper anyway) during those months. I don't know exactly if, and if so how, they'd calculate stuff for a flat full of possessions that would be lost if I wasn't paid - not that it matters, my landlord would kick me out (they already schedule appointments when they know I'm on holiday or at the doctors or whatever, and threats if I miss them). and, if that happened to me, I'd lose everything, I have no family to take my belongings, and you're not allowed savings on benefits. when people say "we think you should go to a safe place until you feel better", or so forth, they don't understand that it isn't safe on any level - from rampant abuse/neglect, to derailing your entire fucking life. outpatient care and actual help here sucks, wait times, shit therapists, bigotry, etc. but then there's this fucked up saviour complex people have when they hear you're feeling... like, a certain way, where they call for "help" and treat you begging them not to as you just not wanting to help yourself - they do more harm than good in the process, but they feel good about themselves. so after this kind of thing happening to you, and/or after various other events that kill your trust in people, and if your situation is one of those where cliché lines like "it gets better" simply don't apply and you've started to get irritated by them, and when all of your friends are too wrapped up in their own lives and problems and prejudices and vulnerabilities to really be there for you... and so on, it becomes easier and safer to just keep everything locked up inside, y'know? and why does anybody think it'd help? in my experience, places will even fail to do the selling point (that's still up for debate, in terms of both ethics and efficacy) of keeping you away from things you can kermit unalive with - from smuggled in things, to surprisingly easy access to steal knives, scissors, the smoker lighter, shoelaces, etc, if you plan for ten seconds. do you remember how in school there was more chewing gum everywhere than basically anywhere else you've ever been since, all because chewing gum was banned? it's like that... but flavoured worse. I guess there's a lot of reasons that I can't and/or won't talk to people about feeling this certain way, and this post couldn't and doesn't bemoan even half of them. but this is notable because nobody wants to even admit that the saviour shit and the way the system is structured does more harm than good. I just want comfort, the old misery loves company, but without all of the risks and tiresome repeating of "it won't get better and- no, I'm not being a pessimist, I just know my situation more- stop getting offended that your hollow gesture wasn't appreciated" and so on. and I'm just tired of shouldering everyone else's troubles then they disappear or get angry or make things worse when I need anything more than a cup of tea and a catchphrase. sorry to yell at clouds, it just bewilders me you can be tortured for the first seven years of a shitty life, you can end up homeless multiple times and just falling to pieces, and the system still goes "well, good luck out there bro".

[deeisace]

Tonight's "I'm not asleep yet" drama is about I'm not sure if going on the depo injection will fuck up my chances of getting on T or not

Like it's hard to tell cs I've only had one so far (second is tomorrow), and the second one is a month late cs I'm a a uh a goober, but I sure as fuck haven't had to wear my wrist braces for four months

Cs steroids, technically, y'know, just the same as T is

Turns out helps my fucked joints as well as stopping my uhhh idk whatever word you use I don't really I try not to think about it uh from freaking out every month

It's a really fucking shitty decision to have to make, and I'm looking forward to going on T, but if it's a choice between

Like, I know that depo it stays in your system for a year, the nurse said last time - and idk how the fuck it all works, but if I have to stay like with nothing again, go back to wrist braces and knee braces and pads and painkillers, for at least a year, very likely longer cs the NHS is not fucking healthy itself atm, so that I can go on T

That I don't think I'll ever be fully certain I 100% want, cs tho I'd like to be misgendered less and fuck about for fun, I already look enough like my dad, y'know, and all I've ever been told (yeah, by cis people) is oh are you sure, are you sure you're sure, you have to be careful y'know - even the GIC assessment person she was like "you know you'll get really hairy, are you prepared for that?" Idk if I put that in a post at the time, I was more focused on how she'd said I should change my name cs "in some cultures it's seen as more feminine" Legitimately, wtf.

If I can do both, or if the depo like levels in my system don't effect the timescale of my going on T, then sure, but fuck me, in the summer I was basically broken and that's 100% not just me working cs I'm still on the same fucking hours a week like this entire 6 months - yeah I've been getting more achy joints again for the last month cs the depo's wearing off, but it was fucking magical going on it

It's too late at night for this, I'm going round in circles

Basically I'm getting my injection tomorrow and I'm really excited to hurt less again and have to deal with far less fuckery, but I'm also a bit scared the NHS will declare me Not A Real Tran like with one of them big paperwork stamps, and thinking about how it could be a different injection which could also be fun and cool and stuff, y'know

[quantum27]

tagged by @mickstopher-mouse

Rules: Make a new post and copy the text from this post and fill out the questions with your answers. Then tag five or more people you want to get to know better. Have fun!!!

1. Favorite color(s): bi flag colors which is convenient but I don't think there's any color I dislike. One thing about learning more about art is that colors are like. Useable in endless ways. Even the muddy ones.

2. Currently reading: the letters of Vincent van Gogh and fanfic ig. I should get back to my noncanonical bible and another actual book lmao.

3. Last song you listened to: promise from silent hill 2, not the reprise. Last one with lyrics? Elvis's see see rider cover.

4. Last thing you watched: stargate idk what episode specifically.

5. In school?: I...work at a school. I just graduated from HS. I plan to go to college eventually but y'know. Riding the waves of life

6. Thing you’re looking forward to: Christmas honestly? Which is surprising because ever since a particularly tragic Christmas I've been turned off by the holiday. HOWEVER. I love buying n making stuff for people and because of aforementioned school Job I finally have a solid source of money to buy things for people. I already have a wishlist of shit to buy.

8. Can you cook or bake? Cooking.... Not great. I can make a few things.Pretty neat at baking, even though our oven makes it difficult sometimes. I know some elitists knock boxed cake mixes but when you're mentally ill they're a god send and also easy to add to.

9. Piece of media you’d recommend to anyone: this is hard specifically because of like. The anyone bit. But uhhh. Unironically the Shrek Franchise ig (y'know except for the third.) Oh and also like Free Guy? It's a really good movie tbh. Possibly cookie run kingdom? It is one of the few gacha games you can get lots of stuff without paying money because they have events a lot where you get free stuff. I feel like the rest of my interests you have to be a specific kinda person to get into. Yes this includes Tron. But anyway yea. I know that's technically multiple things but I feel like. "Anyone" is a broad term lmao.

No pressure tags: @mbirnsings-71, @jet-bradley , @feenie-wright10 (are you even active on Tumblr rn idk I'm sorry sebbie 😭) I'm so bad at tagging people

[redrawthecolorlessworld]

(not exactly) poorly explaining rhymix characters' backstories (part 3)

hi everyone

———

1. Colorless

how convenient that he's first...!

guy who has seen The Horrors of the World™ and loses all hope in everything and basically views the world as colorless.........do you get it now

a lot more might be elaborated during main story. who knows tho lol

2. Lea

i don't have much to say other than the fact that she had connections with spasmodic...... (lesbianism????!!!!! /hj)

3. Pandora Paradox

used to be The One Who Transcends All until she decided to do something that may have already been mentioned in past fic posts (aka her wanting to end the world because she thought that it's imperfect and shit like that). she got stopped by tsunagite and then boom. into prison realm she goes. after centuries or smth idk she gets released by tsuna because tsuna feels bad and misses her :(( let's go lesbians let's go. YURIIIIIII

4. Tsunagite

was a normal human being at first. also met pandora and bonded with her for like a full year or smth i forgor. pandora tries to fuck shit up and then tsuna stops her and seals her away into her prison realm. pandora ends up transferring some of her powers of tsunagite, entrusting her with the task of finding a successor for her. also tsuna misses her so she lets pando out like. a long time later. this is incomprehensible.

5. Mope Mope

was in an abusive household. watched her dad kill her mom right infront of her. the dad eventually gets arrested but she just. hates him a lot. eventually craves violence. lol

6. Mayoeru

she had a loved one. they live far away from memoria, though. she only met them once during a summer festival and never saw them again ever since. that's all

7. Trap Crow

.....will be elaborated in side story 1.

8. Aria

Nothing™

9. Suito

one of the first living beings to set foot onto rhymix. has lived a long life, and even got to know many people. his life isn't too interesting, aside from the very obvious beef between the elves and the humans of gyroscopia.

10. Ling Hao Cheliang

used to be a very upbeat and actually emotional kid, but then the experiments and the prosthesis replacements kind of fucked with his memories and his ability to feel emotions so. whoops

11. Ether Second

is simply here to complement with ether strike

12. Nhelv

explained in his introductory:

he used to like composing music but then after entering music contests and losing all of the time he gets really burnt out. do you see the reference and inspiration here yet

13. Random

dude idfk he's just there living his life taking whatever comes at him as if his playing baseball or smth idfk

14. #D3D3D3

sort of explained in her introductory??

the experiments related to the prosthesis led her to view the world and the universe in general as nothing. just blank. a Blank Universe.

Heh.

15. World Vanquisher

idk yet L

16. Convergence

i can't tell you this early, y'know? you gotta find out through something else. just wait until that time arrives.

17. Defection

worked for testify for a long time. that's all

18. Infinite Strife

has beef with world ender ever since they first met. that is literally all

also she actually has her own fear. nobody else should know about it yet.

19. Frey

sort of explained in his character teaser post

used to be a bright young kid who others would think would grow up to become someone remarkable one day. he said a lot of philosophical things too. however notalano lost its color, and at the same time, frey lost his parents. so he became more quiet and reserved ever since.

20. Horizon Blue and Bloody Marquis

used to be close friends, and even blue had feelings for marquis. but then they got taken in but uhhhhh astaroth, i guess???? and then marquis changed and blue is sad :(

21. The 90's Decision

she doesn't have too much shit going on with her. dw abt it. she's having fun

22. Pure

i don't really know yet ouch

23. solips

has always been curious of the world around him, including being curious of Himself???? damn bro what the fuck. idk what else to say i haven't really fleshed him out that much yet

24. Vulcanus

used to be friends with technicolour, and during the horrible accident in their hometown, he managed to escape and survive. now he resides in gyroscopia, waiting for the day where he and techni can reunite again

also he befriended inverted world. lol

speaking of inverted world...

25. Inverted World

she doesn't have much going on with her. she just really wants to travel all over the world, and maybe even go into parallel universes herself. that's all

THAT'S ALL OF THEM YAYYYYY