#«also like if anyone wants to tell us about it feel free we love spoilers in this hive.»

[cthonicascendant]

«hngh i want to see the new spiderverse movie so bad but i have to wait. :( it looks so good from all the art, fanart, and meta i've seen thoughhhh.»

[coco-loco-nut]

Book Club - Part 9

pairing: grid x reader

summary: you just got your wisdom teeth out, just in time for winter break fun with headcanons

a/n: thanks for the request, I missed the club❤️ ALSO! the original post just hit 1,500 notes??? like guys🥹 ilysm, you don’t even know. you are still reading my silly little writings, and i appreciate that more than you know. every like, comment, and reblog is the reason we are here 9 parts later (seriously you should see how happy i am when i see comments)

requests open masterlist

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- You didn’t tell anyone else on the grid other than Lance, obviously

- They were all surprised when it was announced that you were going to be missing Abu Dahbi

- Your oral surgeon only had that Wednesday free before Christmas

- …and let’s be real, your seat was secure, you weren’t going to win the WDC, and the constructors championship was locked in

- You would raise hell if you couldn’t enjoy the food around the holidays, so missing the last race it was

- You were exhausted from the season and appreciated the early break

- Lance just let it slip to the drivers on Friday a couple of hours after he got there

- You were sitting at home with Kimi, swollen and in pain all Friday

- “What do you mean she won’t be here? We have our presents for her” Fernando pouts

- Charles one day ships you cases of his gelato with a note telling you to feel better, he’s trying to get into the club for the gossip

- Lance gets invited to the club meeting to his surprise

- He assumes that they want to check in on you, despite them blowing up your phone

- No, he was VERY wrong

- Lance got roped into showing them videos of you on drugs

- Their favorite was the one of you when you first came out from being under

- “I’m married? Oh my god, I married Nico Hülkenberg? This is the best day of my life”

- You were sobbing tears of joy

- Nico was sent the video immediately, you gave him permission via text to post it the next day

- The second favorite was your favorite to laugh at

- You went on a massive rant about how Susie Wolff is a MILF and how you hoped Toto could fight because the female driver was your woman crush and you WILL have her

- Susie loved the video (George and Lewis sent it in the Mercedes family gc), Toto… not as much but he was amused

- You got a lot of fussing drivers on Facetime during the meeting

- You were loopy af from the painkillers and general exhaustion during it, it wasn’t your fault they called you late

- Kimi forced them to shut up and hang up so you could sleep

- Carlos joked about being relieved that there wasn’t another race for you to follow his trend during an interview

- You won the first race the next year

- Your phone started blowing up with messages on social media wishing you a quick recovery

- Most of the book club showed up to your home after Abu Dahbi, wanting to make a quick stop to check in before the break

- “Hello, wife,” Nico greets you when he sees you

- You joked you were about to file for divorce from Lance, who just sighed and went to get you a carton of LEC

- You had to film you opening your secret santa gift and send it to the F1 social team

- You got a quilt blanket that had a square for each book you read with the club since it started

- You actually started sobbing (you blamed the meds, even if you were actually crying)

- Lewis got the biggest hug ever, he enlisted help from Valtteri for all the books

- You forced them to cut the parts of you crying out of the video

- You got Logan an old iPod full of popular music (you hacked into his phone to check the genres he liked) from his childhood and now

- Obviously you added headphones and a couple chargers

- Logan used it all the time, he called you immediately to thank you

- You had the honors of choosing the first book over winter break

- You chose an F1 romance novel

- Boy oh boy were those meetings fun, just tearing up the book for its inaccuracy

- Daniel vowed to write an accurate one and sell it

- Spoiler Alert: he never did

- But Fernando did

- It was an international bestseller

[absurdthirst]

Puppy Love {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 12.1k

Warnings: Mentions of pimping someone out, post apocalyptic morality, mentions of violence, guns, biting, infected, death, slapping, angst, anger, Joel being emotionally constipated, declarations of love, unprotected sex, vaginal sex, outdoors sex, pulling out, mentions of pregnancy/infertility

Comments: You always follow Joel Miller around, you've got his back. You're in love with him. Putting up with Tess's nickname of puppy dog, you don't realize that Joel feels for you until the end.

A/N: ~Contains spoilers for Episode 2~ Follows the episode along with some canon divergence.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

Your eyes slide up and down the streets, daring anyone to come closer or ask questions as you clean against the crumbling brick facade and twist your head to look back at the two men huddled together about a hundred feet from where you are. You can’t hear what they’re saying but Joel looks even more pissed off than normal, even for Joel. 

“What?” Joel shakes his head in annoyance, knowing he’s being squeezed for cards. He doesn’t get charged that much for the entire hydro stash he gets from his seller. “No, no fucking battery is worth that much and you know it.” He growls, narrowing his eyes at the untrustworthy weasel in front of him. 

Robert’s eyes slide nervously around and he gives a small shrug, uncomfortable being around Joel and preferring to deal with Tess. “What can I say? Times are hard. It’s getting harder to come by these things.” His greedy eyes shift over to where you are looking out at the street. “Although….I’m sure we could work something out. I could cut the price in half if you, say, let me have your little pet there for the night.” He chuckles, referring to Tess’s mocking nickname for you. ‘Joel’s little puppy dog.’

Joel stares at the other man for a few seconds, just processing what he said, until it finally sinks in. “What the fuck did you just ask for?” He growls, low and quiet so you don’t hear. 

“You heard me, Miller. A night with your little lapdog over there. She’s gotta be good at sucking cock because you keep her around. Got a fucking harem started with her and Tess. Do you have one sit on your face and the other ride your cock?” Robert guesses, crossing his arms with a cocky smirk, “or do they take turns sucking your dick? Mmm if you guarantee me a blowjob, I’ll even throw in some extras.”

You tense slightly, shifting forward from your place leaning against the way. Eyes watching the way that Joel’s fist curls tight for a moment. Wishing that you could hear what the fuck they are saying,  but Joel told you to stay here, so that’s what you’re doing. “Joel?” You call out, getting his attention as he turns his head towards you. You’re wondering if you need to come over, knowing you will throw yourself into a fight for him if needed.

He shakes his head, holding his hand up towards you to stop you. He considers the guys offer, he can’t deny it. It would get him a hell of a lot closer to where he needs to be without having to do several burns for the cards. “No. She’s not available.” He finally says, not wanting to force you into something like that. He might be an evil bastard but he’s not a monster. “She’s not an option.” He decides, “you get more ration cards when we meet for me to collect it.”

“Come on man.” Robert shakes his head and his eyes slide past Joel to leer at you. “It’s just a fucking blowjob. I’ll tell you what?” He huffs, smirking and looking back at Joel. “Let me fuck her, both holes, have her suck my cock and I’ll give you the battery for free. Hell of a deal, right? I’ll even let you watch if you want to.”

Joel can’t help but reach up to squeeze the asshole’s throat. His anger makes him growl as he chokes the prick who dared to violate you like that. “You get the ration cards when I collect it or I can kill you now and get the battery for free? Hell of a deal, right? I’ll even let her watch me kill you.” Joel sasses, tilting his head as he watches his eyes practically bulge.

“Shit!” You leap forward but Joel just turns his head. 

“Stay there!” He orders harshly, making you stop in your tracks. Watching as Joel leans in and whispers something else to the disgusting little rat he was having to buy from to get the battery he needed. 

“No, no, it-it’s good!” You hear Robert choke out, gasping and sputtering when Joel lets him go. Clutching at his throat and coughing as Joel turns around and starts striding back toward you. 

“Let’s go.” He demands, his scowl even deeper than normal as you scramble to catch up with his long legged strides. You weren’t short but he’s speed walking. 

“What the fuck just happened?” You demand, wanting to know what the fuck is going on.

“Don’t worry about it.” Joel growls, body still vibrating with anger. He hates that you were a bargaining chip in this new world. Twenty years ago, it would’ve been illegal but anything goes in this new era, even the things the QZ deems illegal are turned a blind eye to. 

“Did you get the car battery?” You ask and Joel doesn’t look at you, knowing he’s barely holding on to the thread of decency he has when it comes to you. 

“No.” He says without further explanation, “he’s got to locate it.”

“Okay.” You think there is more to it, but he obviously doesn’t want to talk about it. You just walk along beside him, watching some of the people on the street part, giving Joel a wide berth. “So what do we do now?” You ask, unsure if he had other things to take care of.

“We keep low. You seen Tess? I ain’t seen her for a couple of days. Startin’ to get worried.” He frowns, guiding you down the alleyway that takes you back to his building. “I haven’t seen her.” 

You mimic his frown, both wondering where Tess is and hating that he’s so worried about her. It’s always been the two of them. You know they fuck, you know sometimes Tess will sneak into his bed, and you hate it, but you don’t hate Tess. She is capable of a lot in this world and you know she keeps Joel grounded, something you seem unable to do. 

“Let’s head to mine and then we will try to track her down.” Joel says, unaware that Tess is already waiting in his room, her face beaten up and sore.

You sigh softly, knowing that you will do whatever he wants. It’s dumb, but Joel had saved you when you arrived in the QZ, scared off some less than honorable people and you have been drawn to him ever since. It’s hard being in love with a man who doesn’t love you, doesn’t even look at you like a woman, but you are loyal to him. He claims he’s not a good man, and that’s true at times, but he’s good to you. “We’ll find her. I’m sure she’ll be in your arms tonight.” You mutter, hating how your stomach twists in jealousy.

Joel pretends to not hear you, knowing you and Tess have some tension going on between you but he ignores it. This life is rough enough without needing to fucking deal with women drama. He gets what he needs when he wants and that’s all that matters to him. He rolls his eyes and strides a little faster to get to his room. 

When he opens the door, Tess is sitting there with her face bruised and swollen and he’s ready to fucking kill whoever did that to her.

“Jesus.” You huff, eyes wide at her injuries. It’s on the tip of your tongue to make a snarky comment, but instead you watch Joel fuss over her and clean up the wounds with the bottle of alcohol sitting next to the sink. It would be touching if it didn’t break your heart. “What the fuck happened to you?” You ask finally as he’s dabbing at the corner of her mouth. You flop down on his sofa and glare at your feet.

Joel gently grips her chin as he cleans her up, his eyes burning into hers and he doesn’t hear your question, too busy making sure Tess is okay. Neither of them see the crestfallen look on your face until your scowl covers it. Tess sighs, gently pushing Joel’s hand away as she explains that she was held hostage by a couple of Robert’s goons. Joel hisses in annoyance, knowing he should’ve killed that asshole when he had the chance.

You hate how neither one of them includes you, feeling like an extra wheel. Dragging your feet off the coffee table you slap your hands on your thighs and stand. “Since she’s home, I guess I better do the same.” You want Joel to tell you to stay, but you know he won’t. Wondering why you put yourself through this torture when he only had eyes for Tess.

Joel wants to ask you to stay but he needs to talk to Tess about what happened. He needs to form a plan and you distract him. “See you later.” He tells you, not even looking your way and Tess offers you a slight smirk as she bids you goodbye. Joel tuts when you stomp out, slamming the door behind you. “Tess…” He murmurs, shaking his head. 

“What? She’s like a damn puppy dog hanging around you all the time.” 

Joel snorts, “what does that make you?”

Tess frowns for a moment before she leans forward. “You know what I am to you.” She challenges him, holding his gaze until he turns away. You have fucked everything up, everything was fine until you showed up and things changed. “Joel-“ She pauses, deciding against asking a question she doesn’t want to know the answer to, or at least have it confirmed. Instead she decides to change tactics. “We need to go find Robert and our battery.”

Joel nods, “we do. I’ll go find her and then we can get ahead. Get your shit together.” He orders, standing up and making his way out of the door to track you down. He needs you for backup and also, he is secretly amused at the way Tess frowns whenever you are mentioned. Tess is…Tess is a comfort to him, the woman who has seen him at his worst and still wants him. 

You are innocent really, still able to fight but you haven’t seen that side of him. He doesn’t want you to. He wants you to think of him as the closest version to the person he used to be. He misses that person sometimes, grieves him almost as much as he grieves Sarah. The small things he’d bitch about, like money or working late, are trivial compared to the issues he faces today. 

When he finds you, you are sulking in your room, “come on. I need you to help me and Tess track down Robert and his goons.”

Staring at him incredulously, you huff after a moment, bending down to pick up your boots. “You’ve got some fucking nerve, Miller.” You grumble, feeling like you are being taken advantage of right now. Joel doesn’t comment, just sends you a satisfied look as you put your boots on and turns towards the door. 

“Get your pack, we might need it.” He tells you before he walks out of your rooms like he owns the damn things. Your fault for letting him in, your fault for being so fucking in love with him that you let him walk all over you. 

“This is the last goddamn time.” You promise yourself, muttering angrily as you get ready. 

Joel doesn’t say anything, just raises his eyebrows as he listens outside. Both you and he know that’s not true. When you’re ready, he guides you down the alleyways to meet up with Tess. “Right. Let’s go get this fucker. I’m sick of his bullshit.” Joel huffs, making his way through the alleys to find the place Tess detailed when she told him where she was held.

“Awwww, you decided to come along, I’m so touched.” Tess coos mockingly when you reach her, making you grit your teeth and want to punch her in her good eye. 

“Well, someone has to clean up your mess.” You huff back. 

“Enough.” Joel growls, shaking his head at you before he turns to Tess with a pointed look. They did that a fucking lot, silently communicate like you weren’t fucking there.

Tess nods and Joel leads the way, entering the building with gun in hand and he creeps down the hall, using hand signals to gesture for you to walk or stop. He knows you and Tess have some fucking women issues between you but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t have time for that trivial shit.

It’s not the time to be snarky. Instead of dwelling on the issues, you focus on the task at hand. All you care about is keeping Joel safe. Tess by extension just because you know that he would be upset if something happened to her. She was his woman, not you. Your own gun in your hand, you flank his left side as you follow, eyes peeled for any danger. 

Joel is naturally anxious, keeping his eyes open and ears clear for any noises. When he spots the dead bodies of Robert and his goons, he doesn’t give a fuck. He wants to know who did that to them. When the door to his right suddenly opens, he doesn’t think. He just acts. Shoving the girl against the wall so she drops the knife and placing his foot on it, gun aimed at her. When Marlene appears, Joel narrows his eyes, listening as she begs him not to shoot.

Your fingers tense around your own weapon, aimed at the two fireflies in front of you. “What’s who he sold our battery to? The Che Guevara of Boston?” You roll your eyes at her humor but it’s true. Listening to her tell Joel that they need to take this girl to the state house to meet her group. “Bring your puppy with you too.” You hiss at that, pissed off that Tess’s fucking nickname for you has caught on. “I tried to recruit her, but she’s too loyal to you Joel.” 

Joel conceals the way his heart flutters at the news that you wanted to stay loyal to him. His face remains impassive and the girl tries to get her knife back while Marlene points out that she is bleeding and he needs to hurry up and decide. “Fine.” He grunts after Tess states her case.

Huffing, you shake your head. “You two have fun with that.” You know it’s a bad idea. This is bullshit and there are other places to get a battery. 

“You’re going with us.” Joel tells you sternly and you know that you will, if for anything but to watch his back. 

“We don’t need her. Joel. She’ll just be a liability.” Tess barely spares you a glance and that pisses you off more. 

“I’m going.” You hiss, glaring at her.

Joel doesn't need this catty bullshit, the girl is glaring at him and it's putting him on edge. "Fine. Get your shit kid, we are leaving." He orders the girl, Ellie, who goes to get her knife back with a scowl. When night falls, Joel guides the group through the old tunnel that he uses to smuggle things in and once you're outside the QZ, Ellie's eyes widen. 

"Holy shit." She gasps and a truck drives by. 

"Get down!" Joel hisses, forcing you to duck alongside Ellie.

“Jesus.” You hate being outside the QZ. Hate the risk and you know that it’s getting harder and harder every time. “We need to move. The fucking soldiers have been crawling around.” You murmur quietly, looking around and shivering slightly in the rain. 

Just as you get ready to move, the QZ guard who buys from Joel approaches you, gun raised. Joel doesn’t even think, surging forward to start pummeling the guy to death. He’s feral and there’s nothing any of you can do except watch him. Ellie watches with a fascination while Tess stares impassively.

“Joel.” You know the man is capable of violence, you’ve seen it, but this was unhinged. He turns back to look at the girl and you, the expression on his face is fierce and you shake your head after Tess shows him the red scanner. She’s infected. You listen to the hurried explanations and you know you need to have this conversation somewhere else. “We need to go.” You tell him, picking up the knife that the kid had stuck in the bastard’s leg and handing it back to her. You don’t know about her claim that she’s immune, but she deserves to be able to protect herself out here. “Take the rifle.”

  Ellie takes it and Joel is almost dazed as you walk through the debris and overgrowth to find shelter in the city. Once you’ve found where you usually stop, Joel slumps down in the chair, flexing his knuckles and hissing. Ellie looks exhausted and you tell her to get some sleep, you’re stopping here for the night. “She’s infected.” Joel grunts when she’s fast asleep, bringing yours and Tess’s eyes over to him.

“Her wound looked healed.” Of course it had been dark as shit, but bites from the infected never looked better. It’s always inflamed as the fungal infection spreads through the body, taking over. You glance at his knuckles, wishing that you had ice to put on it. “You should wrap it up.” You tell him.

Joel ignores you, just imagining what could’ve happened out there if that asshole had blabbed. You’d all be dead. Hung for treason or some bullshit like that. “I’m fine.” He finally answers and Tess looks over at him, “she’s right.” That Joel definitely ignores. He grunts, standing up, “I’ll take first watch. You two get some sleep. I’ll watch the girl.” He says, grabbing his rifle and ignoring the pain in his knuckles when he grips the handle.

You sigh, knowing it won’t make a damn bit of difference, but you find yourself a corner away from the door so you have time to react and lay your pack down. Using it as a pillow as you turn your back to Joel and Tess. You don’t want to see whatever else they do or talk about tonight, tired of being the third wheel and tired of feeling like you should just leave.

Joel keeps watch most of the night until Tess tells him to get half an hour. “Lazy bitch couldn’t even get up for a watch.” She scoffs at your sleeping form. 

Joel shakes his head at her, “she didn’t sleep the night before. Trying to help me out by keeping an ear out for the radio. Just - let it, okay?” Joel asks and Tess snorts, nodding her head. He sits down, closing his eyes but he never truly relaxes, just rests until the sun starts to rise. 

“What do we do with the girl?” Tess asks when he stands up, walking over to her. 

“Kill her.” Joel says, knowing that Marlene wouldn’t find out. He could lie and say she got infected for real this time. It’s not far from the truth. “We don’t know if she’s gonna turn.” He murmurs, keeping his eyes on the curled up ball in the middle of the room.

Grunting, you wake up with a jolt, used to the nightmares that plague your sleep. Everyone in the fucking horror reality has them, or they’ve never lived outside the QZ they were born in. Flipping over, you notice that Joel and Tess are already awake, both of them watching the girl. “Shoulda woke me.” You grumble, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from your eyes before you shuffle over towards Joel.

“You needed the sleep.” Joel murmurs, ignoring the scoff from Tess. “We should kill her.” Joel says with finality just as the girl wakes up, glancing around to see you sitting up and Joel sitting there with his rifle aimed towards her, anxious and tense as hell. “You make one wrong move and I’ll kill ya.” He promises, making Ellie scoff and pull her sleeve up. 

“I’m fine. No different than last night.”

You shift slightly, looking from Joel to Ellie. “Why didn’t she kill you?” You demand, asking about Marlene. Ellie explains about the daily testing and holds out her arm to show that it is perfectly steady. No tremor, which is normally the first sign of infection besides a bite. “Jesus.” You shake your head, unsure of what all of these means and look back towards Joel. It’s him she needs to convince. Or Tess rather because she can sway Joel’s opinion.

Joel considers not killing Ellie when Tess points out that it hasn’t spread. “Fine. Better get something to eat before we head out.” Joel says, sitting down, and he flexed his knuckles. 

“Broken?” Tess asks and he shrugs, “hairline. It will heal fast.” 

You frown at that but still get your jerky out of your pack. 

Ellie, meanwhile, pulls out a delicious looking sandwich and your eyes widen. “Is that chicken?” Tess asks and Ellie explains how Marlene got it from smugglers. Joel snorts, chewing on his jerky and trying to ignore the pain in his hand.

You hate that he is hurting, knowing that he can’t take anything that would help because it would make him slower to react. Instead of offering to take the gun, you open your pack and offer him the precious bottle of aspirin you have. It took a month of ration cards to get it, and you normally used it when your cramps would get too bad. “Here.” You offer quietly, “to help with the swelling.”

Joel takes the pill, knowing it’s aspirin and trusting you. He swallows it dry and makes the decision to head out. “Let’s go. We need to take advantage of the daylight.” He says, standing up to grab his pack and the rifle. Ellie scrambles to pack up her pack again and soon enough, you are heading outside with Tess keeping close to Joel.

“Do we want to take the long way or the short way?” Joel asks and it’s not your opinion he’s actually asking for. Tess snorts. 

“You mean the long way or sure to die way.” She corrects sarcastically, making Ellie’s eyes widen dramatically and you roll your own. You’ve been the short way and it’s fine as long as you pay attention. 

“I vote for the long way given the small amount of information available.” Ellie huffs, making you smirk. 

“The long way, fast.” You decide. “Sooner we get her to the state house, the sooner you have the truck you need to get to Tommy.” That’s what all this is about after all, getting to his brother.

Joel nods, agreeing with you. You, Tess, and the girl trail behind him. Joel hears Tess telling the kid about Boston and the wreck it is now, but he isn't really listening, too busy scanning the area for any threats: human or infected. 

He walks into the hotel and Ellie is amazed. "Wow. Did you guys ever stay somewhere like this?" She asks and Joel snorts while Tess says, "it was a bit out of our price range." You can't help but snort when Joel sasses the kid by hopping down onto the last step. 

"Come on." You urge her forward and she rambles on about the hotel. When she rings the bell, Joel rolls his eyes and you shrug, offering him a look of amusement.

Halfway through the lobby when Ellie screams, you turn around and rush back through the water, unsure if it’s a clicker. Relieved when Joel isn’t shouting and shooting, you find the decayed bones of an unfortunate bastard floating. He must have moved and scared the girl. You hum, watching as Joel offers her his hand, something that he wouldn’t have done if he didn’t somewhat believe her story about not being infected, so it bodes well for her. “Come on kid,” you offer, giving her a small smile. “Let’s go up to the rooms. We’ve got a hell of a climb.” 

Once you climb the ridiculous amount of stairs, Joel curses when he finds the exit has caved in. “Fuck.” He grunts. 

“I can fit through. Let me try and get through.” Tess says and Joel shakes his head, “we can go the short way.” 

Tess huffs, “we don’t have time. I’ll be fine.” She promises and starts to climb through the debris. You hover near Ellie, trying to ignore the way your heart pangs at their secret look, only between them. It makes you feel like you’re a thousand miles away from them. Ellie slumps down on the floor and Joel follows suit, looking over at you while Ellie starts to ask him questions.

You fiddle with your gun, trying not to feel like you are stuck in the middle of a Q&A that you don’t want to be at. Snickering to yourself when Ellie sasses back at Joel that she knows where Detroit is. Only to be surprised moments later when Joel actually knows where you are from. You had only told him once and assumed that he had forgotten or didn’t care enough. “So you and her are….” Joel’s entire body tenses. 

“Pass.” Of course he wouldn’t define their relationship, he doesn’t ever acknowledge things Tess says in front of you, but he doesn’t deny them either. 

Ellie huffs and turns her inquisitive eyes towards you. “So that means you and her are……” She trails off, trying to get either one of you to fill in the gaps. 

Joel grunts, “pass.” He doesn’t want to talk about you or Tess with Ellie. 

“Are you- is it like a throuple situation?” She guesses and Joel snorts, “nope.” 

You and Tess would kill each other before you fuck each other. “Absolutely not.” You wrinkle your nose at being with Tess. God, she gets under your skin but she is important to Joel. 

“Rightttt.” Ellie drawls just as there’s a thumping on the door. Joel stands up, gun in hand, anxious until Tess shouts her announcement that she’s back. Joel sighs slightly, relieved to see Tess, and he gestures for you and Ellie to get your shit.

Your stomach knots, knowing that the hardest part is coming up but there is something calming about the view from the terrace. Looking out over the ruins of the city that you had wished to have visited before all of the world went to shit. Tess pulls back the heavy plastic curtain so Ellie can get her first look and you walk up to the ledge. 

Ellie has to step up on the little ledge and she looks down at the courtyard below. “There’s so many of them.” Ellie exhales, looking at that view. You shift to stand next to her, Joel on the other side. Tess starts to talk, explaining the way the fungus spreads. “They’re connected.” Tess hums. “More than you know.” Joel looks over at you and meets your eyes for a second. 

You wish that he cared about you, but he doesn’t. You tear your eyes away from his and listen to Tess tell Ellis about how the tendrils spread underground, alerting other infected to your location. “You’re not immune from being ripped apart.” Tess cautions her. “You understand?” For a moment, the woman you hold such a grudge against seems almost motherly and you wish that she could talk to you with half the kindness, although you know you’ve not been exactly nice to her. Your feelings for Joel getting in the way of that.

“So we’re not going that way.” Ellie huffs and you shake your head, knowing what’s coming. “Short way?” She asks, looking between the three of you and you look to Joel for his opinion. 

“Museum.” He decides, making you roll your shoulders in anticipation of the problems ahead. 

You are anxious, preparing yourself to enter the museum and Joel glances at you, "be careful." He tells you softly, ignoring the glance from Tess. He opens the door, pleased after discovering the fungal roots are dry. He enters the Bostonian Museum, keeping his gun raised and ready.

Blowing out a soft breath, you grip your gun in your hand tightly and keep your head on a swivel as you watch your steps. The museum is dark and all you have for light is the flashlights, the kid breathing heavily at your back and you swear you hear her huff under her breath because Joel wouldn’t let her have a gun. She looks around, taking in the scene as the old building creaks and groans around you. “Yeah, cooked.” Joel says and Tess grunts. 

“Finally some fucking luck.” Ellie steps forward, almost carelessly at their conversation. “I guess we should have gone this way in the first place.” Joel hums, not watching as Ellie turns a corner. 

“Oh shit!” You rush over and shine another light on the body she discovered, groaning to yourself when you see that the person has been ripped up. Knowing what causes that. “What the fuck did that?” She demands, making you shush her quickly. You look over at Tess and Joel, the other woman looking nervous. 

“Maybe.” Tess whispers. “Maybe he was attacked outside. Crawled through the door, the door was open. It could have been him.” She insists, making you roll your eyes and scoff quietly. She knows that’s not what happened. 

“I don’t hear anything.” She insists. “What would you hear?” Ellie demands, her voice at a normal volume and all three of you turn towards her to quiet her down.

Joel holds his hand up, telling Ellie to quieten down. “What would you hear?” She repeats in a whisper, “you saying an infected did that?” Tess shushes her and you bite your lip. “-because I’ve been attacked by one and it wasn’t like that.” Ellie looks back at the body. 

“Okay from this point forward we are silent. Not quiet, silent.” 

Ellie shakes her head “what-” 

Joel cuts her off, “no questions. Just do it.” Joel is anxious, always tense when he’s in closed spaces, and he slowly makes his way up the stairs. It’s difficult to move so slow but he is careful when he steps on the dried fungus. He manages to make it up the stairs and onto the second floor. He opens the door, walking in with his gun ready. The ceiling collapses and Tess shoves Ellie forward, pushing her into you and the three of you fall onto the floor. Joel helps Ellie up and that’s when you hear it. A clicker.

Shit. Your gun comes up and you immediately move in front of Ellie, flanking Joel to his left and Tess to his right. You’re trapped in a room with a fucking clicker. You don’t dare to breathe, barely creeping forward since they rely on hearing, totally blind with the large, hard fungal growth covering their heads. You hear her breathing start to pick up and you turn to find her wide as you realize there is more than one. All of you crouch down behind a display and Joel motions to Ellie that they rely on hearing. You can see the terror on her face, making the way your heart is pounding in your chest. Joel puts his finger to his lips again as they continue to make horrible screeches and clicks as they search for the source of the sounds. The clicker comes around the display and the little girl sees it for the first time, inhaling sharply. 

Shit. The clicker turns and screeches before Joel brings his gun up to shoot it. 

It’s terrifying, fighting for your life, and you are scared that Joel is gonna get bitten. You scramble to shoot the clicker but eventually you run out of bullets. Joel curses, “fucking go.” He hisses, “I’ll distract it.” You rush to hide around a corner to reload your gun. The girl and Tess are across the room and your hands shake as you struggle to reload your weapon. “

Fuck.” You hiss and Joel comes to stand beside you, doing the same thing. His eyes are full of fear and you stare back at him until you hear the clicks.

Your eyes close for a brief second, well aware that this could be it for you. You hate it. The fact that you could die in this fucking museum and never find Tommy. Never tell Joel how you feel. The floorboards creak and you hear the clicks right next to you. Another sound draws its attention and you turn to watch it, finding Ellie cowering behind a display and both you and Joel creep over to her. Making your way silently until Joel steps on a piece of broken glass. You cry out and start shooting as the clicker flies over the display and knocks all three of you to the ground, trying to infect you as you fight it off. 

Joel curses, scrambling to keep the clicker away from you and Ellie and himself. It’s a struggle but eventually he manages to push it aside and put a bullet in its neck and eventually it’s face. Just as that one falls, the other rushes forward and Tess swings an axe into its head. Joel scrambles to grab his rifle, shooting the bastard in the head to kill it. “You alright?” Joel asks Tess as she stands. 

“Twisted ankle.” 

He turns to you, eyes wide and asks you the same question. “I’m fine.” You answer and Tess asks Ellie who exhales shakily, “well I didn’t shit my pants.”

You can’t help but laugh at her response, knowing you felt the same way the first time you dealt with clickers. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Turning back towards the kid, your eyes widen when you see that she’s injured again. “Ah…I mean if it was going to happen to one of us.” 

You catch the way that Tess tenses up, making you frown slightly but she’s quickly redirecting the conversation. “Hey, let’s get out of here.”

Making your way onto the roof, it’s obvious that Tess needs medical attention. Joel hands Ellie a rag for her arm and turns his attention to Tess. Leaving you to walk over to the other girl and help her while he concentrates on wrapping her ankle. “Come here. I’ll help you.” It will be a good distraction, tending to her wound rather than watching Joel fret over a twisted ankle. Soon her arm is wrapped and she’s walking towards the edge and the scaffolding that connects the two buildings. “Over there?” She asks and Joel barely glances at her. “Yeah, I know it looks scary.” Joel starts but Ellie interrupts him. “That was scary, this is wood.” She huffs as she brazenly walks across the beam and makes you smirk at the other two adults. 

"Just wait there. Give us a minute." Joel says and you step to follow Ellie across the wood, not wanting to see the tenderness Joel gifts Tess with. "Be careful." Joel warns you while opening his backpack. You scoff, walking across the wood as brazenly as Ellie. Joel shakes his head, while he tapes Tess's ankle. 

"Told you, she's trouble." Her eyes focus on Joel but he doesn't notice, set on the job at hand. "There's probably more ahead." 

Tess nods, "so we'll deal with it then...I got it. I got it." She tells Joel when he wraps around her ankle again. 

Joel leans back to look at Tess until his gaze turns to the building across from them. "What about the kid?" He asks, "maybe the first bite didn't take but what about the second?" 

Tess huffs, turning towards him, "why don't you just take the good news? Can you do that?" She asks Joel, "can you just for once think that we might actually win?" Tess asks and shakes her head, "just go and watch her and your fucking puppy." 

Joel sighs, grabbing his backpack and rifle before making his way across the wood. “Wow.” Ellie exhales, looking at that view. You shift to stand next to her, Joel on the other side. 

“Is that everything you hoped for?” Joel asks Ellie as you stare across what used to be a major city now turned to a deserted urban jungle. 

“Jury’s still out.” Ellie replies back, “but man…you can’t deny that view.” You hum in agreement and Joel looks at Ellie before his eyes meet yours for a second.

“Tess gonna live?” You ask, breaking the moment up but you hate how his eyes seem to suck you in. It’s not going to happen for you and you need to accept that. You’ve already decided that when Joel and Tess get their vehicle from the Fireflies, you are going to stay. You’ll go with them or turn around and find a way back to the QZ. You can’t do this anymore. It’s too hard and you know that it will never be you that he picks. Stupid of you to fall for a man who was obviously involved with someone whether or not he admitted it. Joel rolls his eyes, not answering you and you swallow harshly. “When we get to the state house-” You start, wanting to tell him your plan, but Tess comes hobbling up. 

“Come on, let's get there before it’s dark” She demands, impatient to get moving again as she swings herself onto the ladder. 

Ellie goes next and then you look at Joel who nods at you. You nod and make your way down the ladder, firm in your decision. Joel glances at his watch, thinking about Sarah, and forces himself to keep going. As you walk towards the state building, Joel glances down at Ellie’s arm. Cautious and wondering if she’s gonna turn at any second. When you arrive, there’s no one there and you duck behind a car to see if anyone shows. “Where the fuck are they?” Tess asks and Joel shakes his head, looking back at Tess before his eyes meet yours. 

He stands, rifle in his grip, and he makes his way over to the truck. Cautious and alert, he opens the passenger door and turns back to you, Tess and Ellie. “Stay back.” He orders, making his way around the truck to find the back is empty.

“Joel, what the fuck is going on?” You, Tess and Ellie come towards the truck and Joel shakes his head. 

“I don’t know.” 

You look around, a bad feeling settling in the pit of your stomach. “They went inside.” Ellie tells you, pointing to the blood on the ground and you sigh, knowing that is never a good sign. 

Tess seems to take this as a personal attack and grabs Ellie’s hand as she marches towards the steps. “Tess.” Joel huffs, making you roll your eyes but you follow are the pair. Not for Tess’s sake, but for the girls. You know Joel will be right behind you. You walk into the state house, finding all of the crew dead on the floor in the middle of a vegetation patch. 

“Holy shit.” Ellie hisses, and you have to agree. This is bad. 

“Fuck.” You hiss under your breath, checking for signs of FEDRA or if it was infected that got them. 

Tess searches the bodies, “I mean there’s gotta be a fucking radio or something, right?” She says, searching the crate closest to her. 

“Who killed them? FEDRA?” Ellie asks and you shrug, glancing back at Joel who pulls the body at his feet back onto its back. 

“No. One of them got bit. The healthy ones fought the sick ones. Everyone lost. Tess? What’re you doin’?” He asks, turning back towards her as she continues searching. 

Tess steps towards the girl and you edge your way in front of her to protect her. “Where did Marlene say that she was taking you? Ellie!” 

The girl steps forward, “uh. I don’t know. Just west.” 

Tess turns away, “just west. Fuck. Okay. Well, I mean one of them’s gotta have a map on them, right?” She says more to herself. “Joel, can you help me?” She asks, nearly begging. 

Joel shakes his head, “no! Tess, it’s over. We are going home.” He walks towards her, wanting to get everyone back to the QZ and safe. 

Tess growls, “that’s not my fucking home.” Joel stares at her, eyes unreadable as Tess stands up. “I’m stayin’.” She declares, “I mean, our luck had to run out sooner or later.” 

Joel’s face falls and your eyes widen just as Ellie says, “fuck. She’s infected.” Joel turns back to Tess, staring at her, almost begging her with his eyes for that to not be true.

“Show me.” Joel demands and you can hear the agony in the two words. He doesn’t want to believe it, doesn’t want it to be true. Your stomach drops, hating that she has been infected despite your differences. It didn’t mean you wanted her dead. 

“Joel.” She takes a step towards him and instinctively, he jolts backwards, pulling away from her. You walk towards the kid and put your arm around her shoulder gently, wanting to comfort her. Tess pulls her jacket away so you can see the bite on her neck and you close your eyes. “Oops.” She jokes. “Right?’ She turns to Ellie. “Take your bandage off.” You help Ellie take the bandage off to reveal that her own wounds from the clickers haven’t gotten any worse. She’s not infected. Walking over, she takes the girl's arm. “Look, Joel.” She demands, holding it up for  him to inspect. “This is real. Joel she’s fucking real.” She insists. “I need you to get her to Bill and Franks.” 

“No,” Joel shakes his head. 

“They’ll  take her off your hands. They’ll handle it from here.” 

“No, no, no, I can’t. They won’t take her. They’re not going to take her.” He frowns. 

“They will ‘cause you’ll convince them.” Tess tells him. “Yes you will. I never ask you for anything. Not to feel the way I felt…” You frown in confusion, not understanding what the fuck she is talking about. Joel loves her. 

“No.” Joel shakes his head but Tess interrupts him. 

“Not to…shut the fuck up because I don’t have time.” Joel looks devastated and you clutch Ellie’s shoulder as you try not to react to this entire scene being played out in front of you. 

“This is your chance. You get her there, you keep her alive, and you set everything right. I know you don’t feel the same way I do but you need to stop burying your feelings. Life is too damn short to keep lying to yourself.” Tess says, her eyes meeting yours before she looks back at Joel’s. “All the shit we did…” She looks over at you, “he was gonna offer you up to Robert. He was gonna trade sex with you for the battery we needed.” 

Your jaw drops and Joel refuses to look at you, keeping his gaze on Tess’s. “Little puppy dog, always following him around. Thinkin’ you were the third wheel when it was always me.” Tess chuckles humorlessly and shakes her head. “Please say yes, Joel, please.” Tess begs and Joel’s gaze shifts over to you. 

The way you’re looking at him is enough to make him say no. He wants to protect you, protect the girl. He can’t do that if he takes you both to Bill and Frank’s. “Please.” Tess begs again just as the body behind Ellie shifts to crawl. 

“Oh fuck!” The teenager yells and ducks behind you and Joel when you move her out of the way. Joel doesn’t hesitate to take his gun out, killing the bastard, and his jaw is clenched when he sees the fungus curling around the dead digits. He looks towards the door and rushes past Tess to open it. Eyes panicked when he looks back after shutting the door. 

“How many?” Tess asks. 

“All of them. Maybe a minute.” Joel says, spinning around in a panic to face you but you refuse to meet his eye.

Tess gets to work, pushing over the barrels of gasoline, spilling it over the ornate tile floor. “What are you doing?” You ask and Tess answers with “making sure they don’t follow you.” 

Joel is frozen, facing the reality that the woman who’s been his right hand for so long is not walking out of this building with him. He steps closer to her, grenades roll across the floor. “Joel.” Tess moves to stand in front of him. “Joel.” She repeats and he finally meets her gaze. “Save who you can save.” She orders, her eyes flicking over to you before she meets his dark stare. 

He’s struggling. Part of him wants to drag Tess out of here but the other side of him wants to keep you safe. He’s torn and eventually, the side of the living wins. He stares at Tess, offering her a small nod, and he spins, grabbing Ellie’s hand and wrapping his arm around your waist. “Stop! We’re not leaving her. Get off of me you fucker! I’m not going with you!” Ellie shouts and you let Joel drag you out of the building. He’s frantic to get you away before the building explodes with Tess inside of it. 

“Hurry up.” He growls, dragging you both until you’re far enough away. He ducks down as the glass explodes, shoving you on the floor, and he grabs his rifle to aim it in case any infected chase after you. 

Ellie stands beside him, watching their bodies fall to the floor with the flames, and Joel eventually lowers the gun. “Joel…” You trail off and he shakes his head, turning to walk away. Ellie lingers for a moment until you step forward to follow him.

Your jaw rocks and you shake your head, unable to believe that he had refused to even talk to you after Tess dropped that bomb on you. At least she told you before she died, even though it was supposed to be one last barb through your heart. “I’m not going.” You decide, stopping short, only a few hundred feet from where you had watched the building explode. “This is your mission. For Tess.” You turn around and start walking back the way you just came, sure that the infected will be burned now given the size of the fire bomb and the smoke still billowing from the building.

Joel pauses, watching you for a moment until he strides forward to grab your wrist, pulling you back to stop you walking away. “You ain’t going anywhere. It’s too dangerous. Stop movin’.” He growls when you try to pull out of his grip. “I don’t understand. What - why you wanna go back?”

Instead of trying to pull out of his grip, you spin around, slapping him across his cheek. “You fucking bastard!” You hiss, yanking your wrist away from him as he loosens his grip in shock. “You were going to- going to fucking sell me to Robert for your fucking battery!” Hot tears spill down your cheeks and you don’t even bother wiping them away. “I knew you didn’t-“ you break off, “fuck you, Miller.”

Joel is shocked that you slapped him and he hisses, “Jesus Christ.” He curses Tess despite her soul not even leaving the damn earth yet. “I didn’t sell you. He wanted you and I said no. I fuckin’ told him no.” He clarifies, ignoring the wide eyed look from Ellie. 

“Tell me you didn’t think about it.” You challenge him, chest heaving as you step closer and square up to him. “Tell me that you didn’t consider it.” Joel doesn’t answer you and your chin trembles when you see the guilt in his eyes. “I thought so.” You choke out. “I fucking loved you and you were going to whore me out to save money and get your goddamn battery.”

He shakes his head, “no baby. I didn’t - I didn’t do it though.” He chokes, knowing you hate him and he doesn’t know why that destroys him when he’s fought so hard to keep you at arms length. “You can’t love me, okay? I’m - I’m a fucking mess and I was fooling around with Tess until I realized that I -” He cuts himself off, knowing that it’s getting dangerous.

“Until you what? Couldn’t whore her out?” You spit, shaking your head at him. “I put up with the stupid fucking nickname. ‘Puppy dog’.” You sneer. “Guess that’s what I was, huh? A stupid little puppy dog that doesn’t fucking realize she’s not wanted. Following you around, helping you, trying to make you- fuck, I don’t know.” You lift your hands helplessly and slap them down against your thighs. “Make you love me, I guess. But that’ll never happen. I’m not Tess.” You close your eyes, and sigh. “Just- go to take Ellie where Tess wanted you to, go find your brother. I’ll- I’ll be fine. I’m not your problem.”

He knows he will lose you forever if he lets you go now and he’s lost so much in his life. The burden he carries every damn day with each life he loses around him. He can’t lose you too. He brushes over what you said to finish his own sentence. “I was fooling around with Tess until I realized that I was fuckin’ in love with you and Jesus fuckin’ Christ that terrifies me.” He confesses, chest heaving.

You frown, not believing him for a second. “Don’t lie to me, Joel.” You sob out angrily. “You at least owe me the fucking truth.” 

Ellie steps forward. “Hey so, uh- it’s-“ 

You turn around and glare at her. “Not now!” You hiss, wanting to finish this so you can leave and find some place to hole up for the night before sneaking back into the QZ. “She was practically living in your apartment. She was there every damn night. Now you want to tell me you weren’t fucking her?”

“I stopped. We weren’t - we were plannin’ the smuggling. We weren’t doing shit other than figurin’ out how to get shit past the wall, past FEDRA. Jesus, sweetheart, I didn’t - I don’t want to put you in danger. I’ve been tryin’ to keep you safe. Tess knew how I feel. Shit, she was jealous and that’s why she called you my puppy dog. I should’ve stopped it but doing that wouldn’t meant acknowledging these fuckin’ feelings that I’ve been tryin’ to squash down. Love doesn’t succeed in this goddamn hellhole. Love is a weakness and I - shit - you make me weaker than a paper straw under a one ton weight.”

You don’t know if you believe him. The sting of finding out that he had even thought about giving you to Robert, even for a moment, stings. But you know it would be safer for Ellie if there was more than one capable adult looking out for her ass. There’s enough of you that immediately wants to forgive Joel that you stare into his dark eyes for a moment before you nod. “Fine.” You whisper. “I’ll….go with you on this fucking haul.” 

Joel is relieved that you are coming along. He knows this conversation isn’t over but you need to get moving. Get to some kind of shelter before it gets dark. “Come on baby. We can talk later. Let’s get safe first.��� He says, grabbing his rifle. Ellie raises her eyebrows at him as he walks past her. 

“Never knew you were so emotional, Joel.” She scoffs, remembering the books that would be passed around in secret at the school about romance and how the guy would kiss the girl after declaring he loved her.

Instead of following directly behind Joel,  you put the girl between you and him. Bringing up the rear for safety as well as to give you some space to allow for thinking about what the fuck you are going to do. You know Joel isn’t a ‘good man’ in the pre-end of the world morality. Maybe he was then, but this life, this world changed everyone - you included. You don’t even know as much as Tess might have, but you know that he had saved you when he could have killed you. That he didn’t give you to Robert. Biting your lip, you wonder if that’s why he was choking the bastard the day before yesterday. Not that it mattered, the fucker was dead. Sighing softly, you shift your gaze around the fading light to look for somewhere to safely pass the night. 

Joel guides you through the forest that is invading Boston, nature taking back what is rightfully hers. Joel sighs, holding his rifle, until he comes around a sheltered area. It’s not comfortable but it’s safe and that’s all that matters. “We will set up here.” He declares, watching the tree line for any disturbances and when he doesn’t find any, he shrugs his pack off.

You don’t speak, just shrug off your own pack and set it down as you start to get the area ready for the night. While the infected weren’t in this area, wild animals were. A fire would be necessary to keep them from getting too close and you know that the sun will be setting soon. You start to drag trash and debris closer, scrapping out an area to start the fire and pile things high. Joel can’t move much, not with his hand even though he would protest over it. 

Joel watches you start the fire and Ellie sits down on the ground, opening her pack to pull her sandwich out. She’s starving and she doesn’t want to wait to eat. When you’ve started the fire, Joel pulls out his food and water, holding it out towards you. “You gotta eat, sweetheart.” He says, watching you sit down across from him. He will mourn Tess later when he takes watch. He doesn’t want to show his emotions now when you’ve shattered him with your onslaught.

Shaking your head, you don’t take his offerings. “You need it more than me.” You tell him as you reach for your own pack. “I have my own but I just-” You bite your lip. “I’m going to sleep first. You take first watch and wake me in a few hours.” You don’t let him argue, setting your pack up as a pillow and turning your back on him and the girl, curling in on yourself and forcing yourself to close your eyes. 

He doesn’t argue, knowing you need to rest and he needs time to think. Ellie looks at him as he starts to chew on the jerky and he ignores her raised eyebrows. “Don’t say a word, kid.” He orders, shaking his head after he swallows the chewy bark. 

Ellie rolls her eyes, “whatever dude. You can’t see what’s right in front of you. What Tess saw.” She says and continues eating. Joel grimaces, thinking of Tess. He tried to hide how he felt about you from her, thinking he had been successful but he wasn’t.

You don’t know how long you’ve been asleep, but your jerk awake with a gasp. Your hand reaches for the gun that is right next to you and you flip over to try to figure out what woke you. The fire is still burning and the kid is curled but about five feet from you, wedged between the concrete wall and the fire. Joel is still awake, his eyes watching as you sit up. “Shit.” You huff, putting the gun down and blinking rapidly. “Get some sleep, I’ll take over.” You promise, groaning quietly as you move to your feet to stretch.

Joel shakes his head, “no. I wanna talk. Come here.” He pats the space beside him, wanting you to come and sit down. 

You hesitate but eventually sit down beside him. “What is it Joel?” You murmur, not wanting to rehash this bullshit. 

“Shut up.” He orders and you open your mouth. “Shut the fuck up.” He hisses, pissed off with you. “I’m not gonna make this damn speech again, okay? I don’t do this shit. Not since before outbreak day. I - I love you. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t - I can’t lose someone else and I - I haven’t felt this way in so damn long and I tried to ignore it but I love you. I’m in love with you darlin’ and that fuckin’ terrifies me.”

His speech startles you, not expecting to hear something like that. Not from him. You close your eyes and absorb the words that you have wanted to hear for so long, believing them to be nothing more than a wistful dream. “I’m sorry.” You offer. “For that, I guess. For Tess.” You have to look away from his dark gaze, unable to look at him for too long without wanting to kiss him. “I’m not sorry that I love you though.” You murmur, looking into the fire. “It’s- it hurt everyday but it was worth it.”

He turns to look at you, his brown eyes almost orange as they reflect the flames of the fire. He’s slow, giving you a chance to pull away but he leans in, cupping your cheek. His calloused thumb caresses the skin there and he leans in to kiss your lips. It’s soft, the opposite of him, but he wants this moment to be good, to be memorable in case you don’t make it past tomorrow. In this life, every day is a bonus.

Eyes slipping closed, you want to live in this moment. Joel’s lips on yours makes your entire body tingle. Reaching up and taking his hand while your other finds his shoulders. Moaning softly because you can’t believe this is happening and you never expect it to be so gentle.

Joel groans softly into the kiss, grabbing your ass to pull you into his lap. Straddling him and he glances over your shoulder to make sure the kid is still asleep. “Fuck.” Joel groans when you are pressed against him, his lips finding your jaw and he kisses until his lips press against yours again.

You whine again his lips when his hands squeeze your ass just like you’ve imagined more times than you ever want to admit. Wrapping your arms around his neck and shamelessly grinding down on the bulge in his jeans that you had always salivated over. “Joel.” You whisper, not wanting to wake the kid. “I-“ he shushes you, pressing his lips to yours again.

His hands slide under your shirt, wanting to feel more of you, and he groans when you grind down on him again, cock hardening in his jeans. He thinks you’re gorgeous, fucking gorgeous, and he’s jerked off thinking about you too many lonely nights after he stopped sleeping with Tess. “We gotta be quiet.” He orders, sliding his hands higher so he can undo the clasp of your bra. He doesn’t take it off, just pushes it up your chest so he can slide his hands around your torso to cup your tits, squeezing them in his rough hands.

There’s a voice in the back of your mind that wonders if this is because Tess is dead. If you’re merely replacing her for him. You push it down, ignore it. You don’t care when you are getting to touch him like you’ve always wanted to. Ducking your head down and kissing the bare patch on his jaw like you’ve always wanted to. Your fingers fumbling with his belt as you try to get him free from his pants. You can’t ride him like this, not without taking your pants off and that’s dangerous. Hell, this is too dangerous really. You’re distracted by him.

He knows this is dangerous, the girl could wake up, but he desperately wants to feel you. He works on your pants, unbuttoning them and he shoves his hand inside, cupping your cunt after sliding under your panties. He finds you wet but not dripping and his fingers rub your clit after sliding through your folds.

You swear you’re going to bite through your lip trying to keep quiet. Loving the thick fingers you’ve watched so many times slide though your folds and press against your clit. “Joel.” You pant, needing more from him. “I- you have to fuck me.” You gasp out. “Please. Just- just once.” You know that he might change his mind come morning. That he could put that wall back up but you will be happy if you just get one night. “Please, baby. I need you.”

He nods, knowing he needs that connection. Losing Tess, nearly losing you, it’s been a long ass day and he wants to connect to you. He whispers for you to stand up and he withdraws his fingers, making you whine softly. When you stand, he pulls your jeans and panties down to your ankles, dragging you back into his lap so you are straddling him, cunt bare to the cool night air. He reaches down to take his cock out, “can’t cum inside of you. Gonna need you to let me drag you off when I cum.” He whispers, knowing he won’t risk you like that.

You nod quickly, readily agreeing to whatever he wants. “I know- it’s- it’s okay.” You promise, reaching down and wrapping your hand around the thick head of his cock and moaning quietly at the smear of pre-cum building up on the tip so gorgeously. “I-“ instead of telling him that you love him again, you rock your hips forward and line him up so you can sink down on him with a moan of his name that is pressed to his shoulder as you take him.

Fuck, you’re so tight. Hot and wet around him and you mean so much to him. His heart thumps in his chest while his cock twitches when you bottom out. “Fuckkkk.” He hisses through his teeth, hands gripping your ass and he struggles to remain calm as he allows you a moment to adjust around him. “Gotta be quiet.” He whispers in your ear, kissing the skin beneath it.

“You- you might have to cover my mouth.” You admit breathlessly, whispering the words to him as you flash him a quick smile. “Always been loud in bed.” An irony in a world where you’ve had to be silent at so many times when you just wanted to scream. Your fingers sink into his hair and you tug on it slightly as you start to move, wanting to ride him and eager to feel this incredible cock filling you more.

Joel knows he will want more after this. He’s already addicted to you and the thought of ever giving this up, you up, has him on edge. He presses his lips to yours, silencing you with his tongue, and he groans softly when your walls grip him tight when you find the angle that works for you. His hands slide up and down your back, squeezing your ass and enjoying how damn good you feel around him.

You try to stifle your sounds but it’s hard when he feels like he’s in your fucking throat. Stretching you out and making you feel more relaxed than you have in years, while craving more. Your tongue tangles with his while your thighs start to push up and down, moving yourself on his length in a way that keeps you as close as possible. Needing to feel every inch of him as much as you can.

Joel is trying to hang on to his composure, resist the urge to roll you over and just slam into you, fuck you into the ground, but he can’t. The kid is there. He can’t do that now. So he lets you lead, just pulling back to watch you work yourself on his cock. When your mouth opens to moan again, he shoves two fingers in there, wanting you to keep quiet. “Can’t wake the kid, darlin’. You gotta keep quiet.” He reminds you, leaning in to rasp in your ear.

His hands are dirty, filthy. You should want to spit them out but you don’t. Not even caring at this point. The feeling of his cock shredding up into you every time your hips fall is too good to care. His voice rumbling in your ear makes your cunt clench around him, swearing you can cum from him talking.

There’s so much to say to you and yet he can’t. The risk is too much, to both waking up the kid, and to his own heart. He can’t bring himself to say anything but he does lean in to kiss you, replacing his fingers with his lips, and his hand finds your clit. Rubbing tight circles in it as he gets closer to his own orgasm.

You whimper, groaning as he keeps rubbing your clit. Trying to keep quiet but it’s so hard when he feels this good. Your arms tighten around him and you kiss him harshly, feeling your cunt bottom out and your entire body light up with pleasure as you start to cum for him.

“That’s it baby.” Joel practically exhales into your mouth as you clamp down on his cock, body shaking against his. He pulls you closer, thrusting up into you as best he can until he’s pushing you onto the ground beside him, barely managing to shift onto his knees to cum on the dirt and not ruin your clothing. He pants, chest heaving while his cock twitches in his hand. “Jesus Christ.” He exhales, letting go of his cock to tuck himself away and he shuffles over to where you are on the ground. “Sorry baby. Couldn’t - needed to pull out.”

“It’s fine.” You pant, understanding why he needed to pull out, but wishing he hadn’t. “You can’t risk it.” You’ve never told him anyway and in the moment isn’t a good time anyway. It’s not like it matters anyway. You shuffle quietly, trying to pull your clothes back on and put yourself to rights.

Joel watches you put your clothes back on and once you’re settled, he reaches for your hand, dragging you close to wrap his arms around you. He breathes you in, relieved that he didn’t lose you today. He lost Tess, which he will process and grieve in his own way, but right now, he’s just happy to have you. He loves you, he really does. He wishes he had told you sooner but this life is unpredictable at the best of times. You have a journey ahead with him to get to Bill and Frank’s and he will do everything he can to keep you safe. Whatever it takes…he won’t lose anyone else he loves.

****

Joel reluctantly turns over the responsibility of watch to you. He needs rest, you know he didn’t sleep last night and he’s had a fucking hell of a day. You all had, but him most of all. Whatever him and Tess had been towards the end, he had cared for her in his own way and he needed to grieve her. You keep the fire crackling, staring into the flames when you aren’t watching the inky blackness around your small space and listening for more than the rustles of wildlife. Your jerky and your water bottle your own companions through the rest of the night until the first rays of sun peak over the horizon and the sky begins to brighten.

When Joel wakes up, you and Ellie are talking, and he winces at the sunlight, trying to figure out how long he’s been asleep.  “Why didn’t you wake me?” He grunts and you shake your head, “you needed to sleep.” 

Ellie nods, “yeah man. You had a rough day yesterday.” 

He sits up, running his fingers through his hair and he shifts to stand up. “We gotta get going. Get your shit together. I’m gonna take a piss.” He stumbles to the tree line, gun in hand and he checks his surroundings before he shoves the weapon in the back of his jeans and pulls his cock out to pee. When he returns, you’ve put the fire out and are ready to go. Joel grabs his pack and leads the way, rifle in hand.

You walk alongside Ellie for a bit, hanging back as you try to figure out how to tell Joel. You should, he deserves to know. “So, uh, did you work your shit out?” Ellie asks, making you look over at her. “Cause I don’t want it to be a tense trip.” She offers, making you snort. 

“It’s going to be a tense trip regardless.” You remind her, the journey is no walk in the park for sure. “But we’ve talked. While you were asleep.”

Ellie snorts, “talked. Sure.” She doesn’t believe you just talked. She’s not dumb. She learned about all that in school and she knows that’s how most adults show how they feel. You fluster and look at Joel as he strides ahead, rifle gripped in his hand. He sighs and looks over his shoulder at you and Ellie.

You see Joel jerk his head towards you, motioning for you to come up beside him. Eager to get away from Ellie’s prying questions, you hustle forward and catch up to him. “Something up?” You ask, wondering if he wants to talk about the plan for getting Ellie to Bill and Frank’s.

Joel turns to look at you as you come alongside him, “everything okay with the kid?” He asks and you nod, “yeah she’s good.” 

He sighs, “you think she’s gonna be okay with Bill and Frank?” You shrug, “who knows.” Joel glances behind him again to see Ellie looking around and he takes a chance to reach out and hold your hand.

Shocked, you look down at his large hand wrapped around yours, holding it tight and yet he’s not crushing it. Your heart thumps in your chest and it’s impossible to not fall more in love with him. “Joel- I need to tell you something.” You murmur softly, not wanting Ellie to hear.” You can feel him tense up but you squeeze his hand reassuringly. “It’s not- it’s nothing bad. Or, I guess it’s better to say, "I made peace with it a long time ago.” You take a deep breath. “You don’t have to worry about getting me pregnant.” You confess. “I can never have kids.”

Joel frowns, turning to look at you. "You can't - shit. Baby, I'm so sorry." He murmurs, knowing it must've been hard to process. "What - what did they say?" He is curious and wants to know why you can't have kids. He also wants to comfort you but all he can do is squeeze your hand. Even this is more intimacy than he is used to displaying.

“Premature ovarian failure.” You roll your eyes at the words that had been told you so many years ago. “Basically, I stop producing eggs.” You explain. “I found out about two years before the end of the world. So I guess it’s handy?” You try, your joke falling flat. “Not that I would want to have kids in a world like this. It’s not fair to them. Not fair to her.” You nod back towards Ellie. “I just- if we, you know, again….you don’t have to pull out if you don’t want to. If you do, I get it.”

Joel feels guilty that he is happy to hear he doesn't need to pull out but he's sad that you won't get to be a mom. You'd be good at it, even in this fucked up world. "I'm sorry you couldn't, you know, but, next time...I want you in a bed and I ain't gonna pull out." He murmurs so the kid can't hear.

You shiver slightly, happy to hear that there will be a next time if both of you can help it. You hum quietly and shoot him a small smirk. “Maybe we can find a hotel to spend the night in tonight.” You tease softly, not sure what awaits you on this journey but at least you’ll be there. By his side this time, instead of trailing along behind him like his little puppy.

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

No longer yours to keep

summary: what happens when you and Xaden bond with mated dragons but you're already dating Garrick?

warning: pretty suggestive, some iron flame spoilers.

Kind of part II

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For as long as you could remember it had been you three against the world. Your families had been extremely close so it was inevitable for your three to end up being best friends. And it was like that until you all started to grow up. And once the teenage years kicked in so did the desire to explore and learn new things.

You mingled in this relationship with no boundaries, no labels for a bit. Until Xaden had to uphold his duties. Had to agree to be engaged to a girl just for the sake of power. That of course meant that you and Garrick had been slightly pushed to the side. Xaden was barely free to spend time with you, barely there for your usual nights out. Meaning that you and Garrick fell into this easy rhythm. This bonding over losing a friend you two loved dearly. And without any big gestures. Without any grand signs had fallen in love.

Garrick had always been made of sharp edges, similar to Xaden. Just Xaden used that as a form of self-defense when he needed to be out in the public and Garric... He had always been on the rougher side. Had always been harder to read. To predict. But he was an amazing lover. There wasn't a moment where you felt unseen or unheard. Yes, he had his moments but once he stewed over them, he would always come to apologize. To make it right. And he was so protective. Boy, was he protective. It was both a charming thing because it empowered you even more but... it was frightening too because Garrick's heart was in your hands, he had let you in deeper than anyone else. And you had planned to keep it forever. Had planned but...

But then threshing came. You three were at the top of your squad. Ready to grasp the best spots in the section. Garrick and Xaden were already waiting when you emerged. They had remained close friends throughout the years. Lost had changed and in all honesty it was you who bitched to Xaden the most. "We can do the next shipment after we bond with dragons", Xaden said quietly. There was a revelation brewing. And surprise, surprise Xaden was at the top of it. "I'll get the boys to take the boxes tonight", Garrick said, as his arm sneaked around your waist, "Hey", he muttered pressing his lips to your temple. "Everything's okay?", you asked, earning a nod from them both. "Excited to bond?", you looked across the field as the wind picked up.

"I have my eyes set on a dragon I want", Xaden said firmly. "Of course you do", you rolled your eyes, suddenly feeling the urge to cling to Garrick as if this might as well be the last time you two were gonna see one another. "You're okay?", Garrick wrapped an arm over your shoulders, you hesitated for a moment but... they were your childhood friends after all.

"I just have this weird feeling", you breathed out, "Like something is about to change". Xaden snicked from beside you and Garrick threw him a glare. "We will be bonding with dragons today, princess", Xaden mused. "Might be. Don't be too full of yourself", you bit back, Garrick instantly brought you closer to him, hands on your hips, "Don't bite his throat out, baby". Xaden pushed away from the wall, "I'll see you two there".

You huffed out a breath. You didn't want to be a bitch but that man was grinding your gears at times. He was also putting himself in so much danger and for what? A fucking title? "Tell me about what's worrying you", Garrick cupped your face. Your eyes met his. God, you loved this man. "I just have a bad feeling", you muttered, "I don't think that anyone is dying today but... I think that things are going to be different. Really different". Garrick tilted his head to the side as he watched you. "All I care about is that you come back to me", he muttered, "with or without a dragon, I just want you back by my side". His words clenched at your heart because somehow deep down you had an inkling that that was exactly what wasn't gonna happen.

You had crossed paths with burnt flesh multiple times. Guess this year's threshing theme was roasted cadets for dinner. You were so tired. Sure, this had to end soon and you would have to admit your defeat. And just... A puff of hot air hit your back making you still. You could feel its presence behind you. You took a deep breath in before turning around. And here it stood. The biggest black dragon you had ever seen. "Holly fuck", you breathed beneath your breath.

Your head was buzzing. Every fiber of your skin was on fire. You could believe that you had bonded with a dragon. A black one at that. Black dragons rarely bonded. Lower your ego he snarled in your mind. You slide down his leg ready to give your dragon's name so you can be officially linked when an overwhelming sense of emotions hits your chest. You faltered slightly. Gripping the edge of the table a huge scroll will names was placed on it.

You hand fell on your chest as the edges of your vision blurred. You let out a pained breath as your eyes snapped up and here he stood. On the other side of the field. A blue dragon by his side. Eyes burning holes into you. Hands in fists. What the fuck... you felt an arm wrapping around your waist. Oddly enough wanting to pull away because it just didn't feel right only to find Garrick inches from you, cupping your face. And then everything went black.

Your eyes snapped open with a jolt. The moon was casting faint light over the room. Garrick was passed out beside you. His hand wrapped around your middle. You brushed your fingers through his messy hair when a wave of need rushed through you. Need that wasn't however in any way related to the man that was next to you. Come to me. The voice rang in your head making you jolt. And even if you didn't want to. And even if you tried to fight it. Tried to fall back asleep. Tried cuddling into your boyfriend. Not even fifteen minutes later you were padding through the quiet corridors.

You didn't even have a clue as to where you were going and yet here you were, standing right next to the person that had taken over your mind. "Why the fuck do I feel you in every fiber of my body, Riorson", you said through gritted teeth. Your body grew warm just from the sight of him. "Our dragons are mated", he said bluntly, puffing out a cloud of mirth-root. You instantly crossed the distance between you too, snatching the blunt and taking a hit yourself. The overwhelming feeling eased slightly, but your body still yarned for him.

"We need to sort this out, get this fixed", you muttered, brushing your fingers through your hair in frustration. "How do you plan on doing that? They have been mates for centuries. Fuck, we hadn't even been born back then", Xaden huffed out. "I'm with Garrick, I won't leave him, I...", you muttered in panic, but Xaden's hand that sneaked up your throat made your voice die down.

"They are fucking", Xaden said through gritted teeth, eyes hazy as he looked at you. You could feel it too. Gods, even the smell of him. "We can't... I can't do this to him", you pushed back, trying to keep distance between you two. "Do you think it's not eating me alive?", Xaden growled, cursing under his breath, "I watched Garrick falling head over heels for you. You're it for him, and now...", Xaden turned around, bracing a hand on the wall as he breathed. Please hold your pleasure to yourself you snarled at your dragon. But it's like your words didn't even reach him.

You took in a shaky breath, right as your eyes met Xaden, and within the blink of an eye you were pressed against the stone wall, legs wrapped around Xaden's hips. His teeth buried in your neck as you dug your nails into the back of his neck. It felt as if your body was on fire. As if only with him near you could finally breathe. "We can go back to having an open relationship", Xaden breathed against your ear. You shook your head, "Garrick will never share, we're in too deep", you muttered. Xaden let out a growl, "If he'll want to keep you, he will share, baby". His hands moved up your shirt, Garrick's shirt, and that was a reminder enough for you to push against Xaden's chest. You wiggled till he finally lost his grip on you. "If you'll challenge him for a claim of me, I swear to everything I believe in, I will suffocate you in your sleep", you pointed a warning finger at him. Xaden only chuckled, "You'll be crawling to me", he breathed out. Dark eyes watching you. "Fuck you, Riorson", you huffed, "You'll do that to baby", he mussed right as you turned around. Practically running back to your room. Heart beating in your chest so loudly that for a while it was all you could breathe.

[ihaveforgortoomany]

Talking about Isolde's 2.1 garment "And all that Jazz"

(This isn't spoilers for CN since we already know Isolde will join the suitcase but yeah talking about an unreleased skin yippee)

This garment is current my favourite out of all skins currently because it almost gives us a bit of development on Isolde's character post-everything in Vienna.

Voicelines indicate a growing freedom in Isolde ("what should I sing?" and "The show is over but the loneliness persists"), there's a sense Isolde acts less for an audience or expectations of others instead for what she wants - and thats Kakania.

If anyone can figure out what song Isolde is singing please tell me, as her standard garment has her singing parts from Tosca Im assuming. But I think its obvious the person she is singing about is Kakania.

"Take my hand"

"To be yours alone"

"Then I found you"

"Don't let go"

(We only got fragments of the song but stylistically it sounds similar to Druvis' EP or again stretching?)

Its also a giveaway that her outfit now includes much more green highlights, even the nightingale has green more than pink. Kakania did in some way free Isolde's repression - while ofc not realising the disastrous consequences I think it some what helped?

The voice lines here feel like they reference the totally not sad "it was a beautiful dream that I forgot how ugly I was looking at it" scene (still my favourite scene in r1999). Kakania did bring happiness to Isolde's life, there is no changing that but now after everything the both of them stand at a difficult point in their relationship, already unethical as doctor and patient.

Back to a post I made on if Schneider and Isolde could interact what would it be like, it would make sense for the Opera -> Jazz change, WW1 was followed by the Jazz Age by the 1920s. Im wondering had the Storm never occurred, would either Isolde or Kakania had gotten involved in WW1? Would they survive? Ive seen a fic about how they escape to the US where Isolde begins to perform Jazz but yea I love her new garment lol.

[elsa-fogen]

Sudden thought of Inside Out AU, but it's Alastor's emotions we see. What would they look like? :0 (it's okay if you're not into this idea)

GET OUT OF MY HEAD i was just thinking that (i'm not gonna draw it tho lol i'm gonna die kjdhjlfkdgdljhk it's stupid) (they're all just mini alastors but in different color IFUVJIHLGKDFLGKDFGKLJDUH i told ya it's stupid)

but i was thinking what if a person like has very organised mindscape, there would be mini version of themselves controlling all emotions and having access to any memory at any time, and that would be what is happening in Alastor's head lol

Also he (in my headcanon) has that other voice in his head, and i'm not sure about that, how it would look... like another entity in there? possibly...

also, big question which emotion is the main one?... i'm not sure, my variants are anger, joy or disgust (SADNESS IS LITERALLY BANNED LOL) (sometimes (very VERY rarely) it manages to get to the controls and it's a disaster) (i haven't seen inside out 2 yet, if there any important lore then i don't know it, but i know there are like new emotions, is there hate? can Alastor have it? that would be very fitting for him (DON'T TELL ME IF THERE HATE IN THE MOVIE i dont' wanna spoilers)) (all other emotions and mini alastor are fighting sadness and The Voice is just watching them with popcorn) (also sadness made all the memories with mom sad because yyyeeeaahh)

ALSO??? like. Alastor doesn't remember those 7 years, but they aren't forgotten compelitely, just blocked, how would THAT look?? A huge wall?

also, core memories. one with mom, for sure. one with his first kill (his dad cough cough). sOMETHING ABOUT RADIO! Yes! Question, can core memories form in afterlife? if so then Rosie must be in one.

i'm thinking too much about this silly crossover i never gonna draw lol

but feel free to use these headcanons btw, if anyone wants to draw anything let me know i'd love to look at it (and die probably)

[thats-a-mood-gabriella]

Okay. I kinda want to walk through what I think is happening in each of their heads during the conversation. For my own sake, mainly, but who knows, maybe someone else will find it useful. Spoilers ahead, obviously. (Also fair warning that this is long and I expect nobody to actually read it; this is mostly for me.)

So let's establish first where they are when Blitz arrives.

Blitz hates himself. He's on the path to healing after making up with Fizz, but it is a very long road ahead. So if you can imagine it as a spectrum where "hates self" and "loves self" are on opposite ends, maybe he's not all the way at the hates self end anymore, but he's still pretty darn far over that way. So Blitz is arriving thinking he's unlovable, that he makes everyone's lives worse, and that Stolas is possibly getting bored of him. We also know from his half of the duet that he genuinely looks forward to these full moon nights and likes their arrangement. Makes sense. It provides him with the comfort of what he thinks is the closest he can get to an actual relationship where all he has to give is something he knows that he can and that he's good at (sex). He wants to keep the arrangement going. Yes, for a way to earth, but also for Stolas. This, in Blitz's mind, is the only way he gets to keep him.

Stolas is likely unmedicated for his depression, since this show doesn't show us things like him being out of his pills as just a throwaway joke; it's important. Anyone who has ever had depression knows that it just loves to remind you of the worst things about yourself, most of which aren't even true. It tells you that you're worthless and unlovable. We can see this in the way he's covered everyone but Octavia in the artworks in his home, mirroring Blitz scribbling himself out of photos. He's been in a dark place. But Stolas is also being so brave, ready to ask Blitz to love him anyway. To choose him of his own free will, the way it should've always been. His depression is making it hard, but he's going out on the limb anyway and hoping Blitz will catch him.

"I need it back...permanently."

Blitz starts panicking. He reacts like a puppy that's been told it's a bad dog. He starts promising that he can be good, he can do better. He can fuck Stolas like nobody else can.

Stolas rebuffs the advance and this is interesting to me-- Blitz slips into his dom persona a little, trying to regain control of the situation. He calls Stolas "bitch" and pushes his legs apart, lowers his voice to be seductive. And it alllllllmost works, just for a second, as Stolas blushes and starts to fall under the spell of it all. But then he gets himself back under control and reasserts this new boundary.

Blitz immediately drops the act and starts to beg with genuine distress, tears in his eyes even, and up until this point, I won't argue with you if you try to tell me that it's all about the grimoire. I disagree, but I'll let you get away with telling yourself that. Right up until this point.

Because this is when Stolas holds out the crystal and everything changes.

Their fucking leitmotif or whatever you call it, I don't know music terms, it starts playing, changing from the dramatic, ominous music before. Blitz starts inspecting the crystal like he doesn't believe it's real.

Let's be clear: he knows what an Asmodean crystal is and what it does. He's seen them before at least twice, both in 2x05. So it's not that he's in disbelief or confusion about what it does or that it exists. It's that Stolas is giving it to him that's taking him aback.

"You no longer need my grimoire." "Whaaaat?"

Because all Blitz is hearing is "you don't need me now. I can be rid of you without guilt."

"I don't understand. Why are you giving me this? Am I not fucking you good enough? Because I can always do better."

Let's take a second to pretend we're in a world where Blitz has zero feelings for Stolas. That this has always just been about getting to earth. In that world, Blitz never says this line. In that world, Blitz splits right here. He has the crystal in his hands. He knows what it does. He is officially 100% free at this point.

But we don't live in that universe and this line proves it. Blitz thinks he's being cast aside and instead of seeing it as his chance at freedom from Stolas, he's begging to be kept.

I can do better. Don't throw me away.

"I care...very deeply for you. And I have for some time."

This is the face Blitz makes after that. The entire time Stolas is talking, he keeps looking between Stolas and the crystal while making this face, like he literally can't process what is happening. Of all the things he expected to happen tonight, this wasn't even on the list. And remember: Blitz hates himself. Blitz genuinely believes he is unlovable.

Have you ever experienced something so surreal that it's almost like you left your body during it? Like your brain literally couldn't process that this was happening to you, so it's almost like you dissociate to the point that you feel like you're watching it happen to someone else? Because things like this don't happen! Not to you. These are things you see on TV or hear happening to other people. But to YOU? There's no way it's real.

"You don't have to stay here with me."

He looks ALARMED. Scared. The thought that he's about to lose Stolas genuinely startles him. He doesn't want what he thinks is happening. He doesn't want to be cast aside. If his choice is this or the chains, he'd rather the chains.

But. That's not the choice he's being presented. Because Stolas adds,

"But I want you to."

And Blitz's brain, his traumatized, mentally ill brain...just can not process that. No one wants to keep him. He's a commodity to be bought and sold and has been since his father sold him to Paimon as a child (which, by the way, I'm fairly convinced he thinks was Stolas's idea, not Paimon's). Maybe even before.

So his defense mechanisms kick in from this point on. Default to what's comfortable. It must be a sex thing! There's no way Stolas means this, so it's gotta be some weird roleplay. Well, he can do that! He can swoon and say he loves him (and if that hits a little too close to the truth, then fuck you, no it doesn't) and it's fine because this is fake. This can't be real, because things like this don't happen to someone as "worthless" as Blitz believes himself to be.

Blitz is trying to protect his own heart here, but what Stolas is hearing is rejection. Blitz playing it off as a joke must mean that Stolas is a joke for ever thinking Blitz could love him back. And why would he? Stolas doesn't see himself as lovable, either. One of his earliest memories is of Blitz "using" him to steal from the palace, never knowing that Blitz was only doing so on his father's orders, just as Blitz probably doesn't know that he was bought on Paimon's order, not Stolas's. He's a commodity, too.

Stolas's depression immediately puts him in a place where he can't see past his own pain and self-loathing. Blitz not immediately jumping into his arms must mean that all the worst things he thinks about himself are true. Blitz sees him as the monster he fears he is.

So he pulls himself together and starts to walk. And again, Blitz could leave here if he didn't care.

But the strangest thing happens. Blitz realizes that Stolas meant it. He even asks,

"Wait, you were being serious? Hold on, Stolas. What the fuck?"

He's trying to talk it out. He's trying to have the conversation. He's hurt and confused and in disbelief but he's not running from this. He's not letting Stolas walk away from him because he wants Stolas, and he's actively trying to keep him. They have to talk this through, and Blitz of all people is the one trying to pull Stolas back into the conversation.

"The fact that you couldn't believe that I could have these feelings about you, the fact that your first instinct is that it's always about sex, that's enough to know what this is."

See, what we have to remember is that Stolas doesn't have all the information we do. He hasn't seen the crossed out pictures, he didn't witness the flashback to the fire that killed Blitz's mom. Stolas hasn't watched Blitz cry himself to sleep or drink himself into a stupor after what he perceived as a public rejection at Ozzie's. Neither of them have all the information about each other that we, the audience do.

So when Stolas, who doesn't know that Blitz hates himself and thinks himself unlovable, hears that Blitz thinks there's no way that Stolas could love him, what Stolas hears is "you, Stolas, are an unlovable monster in my eyes."

It just confirms all the worst things Stolas thinks about himself. It's a literal, "it's not you, it's me," situation, but Stolas can't see that because he doesn't have all the information.

And here's what's even more interesting. Blitz doesn't think it's over like Stolas does. He's not rejecting Stolas.

"Fuck you, Stolas. You spring this feelings bullshit on me, are you fucking kidding? Can I get a fucking minute to think after everything you put me through, you pompous, rich, asshole?"

This is Blitz saying that this is all very unexpected for him, but he's not saying no. He's saying "give me a minute, let me think. Don't take my first reaction in the way that you are. I was surprised. I was in disbelief. Give me a fucking minute to PROCESS."

But by this point, it's too late. Stolas's self-loathing has taken the driver's seat in his brain and all he can hear is that Blitz hates him, that he is unlovable, that he's a monster, that he's all the things he feared were true, and the person telling him that is the person he cared (second) most for in the entire world.

Blitz's defense mechanism is fight. Stolas's is flight. And so when Blitz unloads on him like that, Blitz is trying, in his own messed up way, to have the conversation. To work this out. To be honest for once and see if they can get somewhere now that the dam has been broken. While Stolas...his instinct is to flee. And since he's the one with the magic portals, guess what happens?

"I didn't realize you think so low of me."

You can tell by Blitz's reaction that he realizes they're not having the conversation he thinks they are. He realizes in that instant that Stolas isn't going to yell back with him. They're not going to scream at each other until they get it all out of their systems and reach a catharsis. He's hurt Stolas, maybe in a way that they can't come back from, and he immediately shifts his demeanor.

"Stolas, wait. I'm so--"

And then it's over. He's been kicked out of the palace. Thrown aside, just like he feared he would be.

And each of them are left feeling like the other thinks they're a monster, because neither of them realize that the only person who thinks they're a monster is themself.

I gotta go lie down, jfc.

[digi-lov]

Digimon Liberator Novel

[read on the official website] DEBUG.1-1 [Yuuki] - DEBUG.1-2 [HEAVY METAL PLAY] - DEBUG.2-1 [Winr] - DEBUG.2-2 [GOOD GAME]

First spoiler free, then more detailed including spoilers under cut

So the first 2 chapters of the Digimon liberator novel dropped last week! We don't exactly know how frequent it'll update, but most likely not as regular as the comic. First impressions on the main characters, I really like them. I think they are fun and interesting enough to drive the story. They don't feel like exact copies of previous characters, and make me exited for a fresh adventure!

As far as I could tell, the translation seems fairly good, but there was a mistranslation of a card effect. However the translation of TCG card effects can be a bit tricky, and the translators might not have known the official english wording. They also show the respective card right there, so it's easy to see what the effect should be, but it might be confusing to people who weren't already familiar with the cards.

Nevertheless I'm optimistic and looking forward to read more!

So now for a bit more detail

First off, I think they way they incorporate the player's tamer cards is really smart. A player get's their own blank tamer card, and can obtain various effects to add to it within the game, to customize their own tamer card to their play style. Nice! This way it doesn't feel like a weird 4th wall break for Yuuki to have a Yuuki Tamer card for example.

I really like Yuuki , immediately! She's fun, and she definitely has flaws and quirks to work on that'll make her interesting to watch grow. Her relationship with Impmon is nice too. Impmon is not exactly a serious character, but does want Yuuki to be a bit more serious, and recognize the weight of the situation. To an extend, Impmon wants Yuuki to take their partnership more serious in turn, I'd say. The way they talk to each other feels very familiar. You can tell they're close, not holding back complaining about the other. They bicker, but they also quickly drop the fight when needing to figure something out together.

Yuuki's Impmon, as most already know, get's a new evolution line: Punkmon, Loudmon, and HeavyMetaldramon. I love them! I like how it gives Yuuki and her Impmon more of an individual identity, than if they used a previously common Impmon line. The detail about Yuuki being a dancer, and vibing with the cool metal dragon is sweet too!

Also, I wonder if that Altea character is this girl from the poster? It's interesting that Impmon is not a fan of her...

Winr and FunBeemon's introduction was great too. Winr seems like a proud kid, without being feeling too stuck up. The story taking place after he's already known Yuuki for a year, really helps with his walls having started to come down already. I'm curious if his parents will be related to the in universe Digimon Franchise or Game Company in a way, or it they're just generic absent rich parents. Which, I don't think would take away from Winr's character if they are. I feel for him to want to escape from his home life into a virtual world. I love his relationship with FunBeemon. FunBeemon is very attentive to Winr's feelings, and cares a lot about him. And Winr doesn't get annoyed by it, but appreciates it, even though he doesn't quite know how to express it. The new evolutions for FunBeemon are also cool! I've like FunBeemon for a partner Digimon for a while, and I'm excited to see it finally happen!

I'm curious about Winr's real name too, assuming Winr is his username. Winr is a play on "winner", with his Japanese name サイキヨ Saikiyo being a play on 最��� (さいきょう) saikyou meaning "the best" or "the strongest". FunBeemon's nickname "Winnie" is キヨちゃん kiyo-chan in Japanese.

For anyone who's interested: Japanese first person pronouns

Yuuki uses the japanese first person pronoun あたし atashi, which is quite feminine, but as being too over the top girly is sometimes seen as disruptive, atashi also has a do-as-I-please kinda vibe sometimes. For example, it's used by Yuffie from FFVII. The even more cute-girly atai in turn is often used in media by very strong-willed, rough women, such as Plumeria fom Pokémon Sun&Moon, or the Gerudo women from the Legend of Zelda games. It can also be played straight as super cute too thoug, like with Vivian from Paper Mario TTYD.

Impmon uses オレ ore, which is a strong, proud, often masculine pronoun. In formal situations it would be considered rude, but it's normal for guys to use in a casual setting. Very rarely it is also used by super tough women in media, such as Kumatora from Mother 3, or Big Mom from One Piece. Eiichiro Oda mentioned himself knowing women who use ore, but this is quite uncommon and likely a modern developement. You go girls! Impmon also uses it in katakana, which gives it a bit more emphasis.

Winr uses 僕 boku, which is quite common for young boys, or more soft spoken men in casual settings. In media it is also occasionally used by girl characters that have a "tomboy" vibe, but also sometimes by female singers in their songs.

FunBeemon uses 私 watashi, which is technically a polite neutral pronoun, but using it in a casual setting has a feminine connotation.

PS: Sorry this took so long, I'm still very sick, and writing coherent sentences with okay spelling is diffcult.

[the-music-maniac]

Zoro has rapidly become my favourite character in One Piece and so I felt the need to write this after seeing one too many people misinterpret him as this alpha male type of dude purely because he's muscular and likes fighting. Don't do my boi like that, I actually think Zoro is a very good example of non toxic masculinity, and I will fight people over it. I've seen someone call Zoro a red flag. I will find you.

I've seen this happen quite often when it comes to characters with certain body types and defining traits, especially in shows with large followings like one piece, where people just tend to equate muscular + likes to fight + likes to drink to a certain archetype of personality without looking at the nuance? In reality, Zoro is a very likeable guy in my opinion (once you get over how terrifying he can be as an opponent).

Disclaimer: I haven't finished the entire show so feel free to write any rebuttals if you think I got anything wrong! Fandom debates can be quite fun.

I also mention Sanzo/Zosan very briefly so feel free to skip over that part if you're not into that ship.

The biggest thing I think people tend to forget is that Zoro is kind. And this one I don't understand how anyone can forget, because it's like an integral part of his character. Sure, his goal of becoming the greatest swordsman is not a path that's without bloodshed. He's not kind in an all encompassing, indiscriminate way, he's kind in a practical way, especially in the world he lives in with the type of life he leads. He doesn't have qualms about killing when necessary. But the motivation behind those actions are never cruel. He wants to be the greatest swordsman, but he's not amassing that skill because he wants power. He's doing it for love of that weapons style and for the childhood dream both Kuina and him had. Does he like fighting? Yeah, but I'm pretty certain it's purely for the competition of skill. And Zoro shows his kindness with how willing he is to help those who need it, in that he usually doesn't use his strength to take what he wants/hurt others but to protect. Even when he was a bounty hunter and earned his moniker of Demon of the East, he was just trying to survive. I'm not sure how people forget that he's a kind person when our initial introduction to Zoro was him agreeing to get tied to a post for a month without food or water to save a little girl and her mother. He's kind in the little ways as well, in that mundane everyday living type of manner, not just in the big, heroic "risk your life" type of way, which I think is important to acknowledge. He didn't have to tell that girl that her food was good. And Zoro is pretty damn good with children - we see that with Chopper, and we see that with that filler episode with Zoro babysitting and - I think there are some more examples but I can't recall them right now. That's a very big green flag in my opinion. The little gestures can matter as much as the big ones. As far as I'm concerned, those traits couldn't be further from the "alpha male" stereotype.

I've also seen people characterize Zoro as just a cool, quiet, man-of-few-words type of guy, and sure, I can see how he would give that impression if all you saw of him was random edits of when he gets serious but honestly, the man is pretty fucking sassy. He's also just - SUCH a 19 year old with all the antics he gets up to with the rest of the crew, and I'm aware he gets much more serious after the timeskip (I haven't gotten to that point yet in terms of watching but I don't care about spoilers so I know the reason behind it), but like. I don't think he lost his snark from some clips I've seen. Zoro is funny, and I think people ignore that too often for the cool guy type of characterization. Not that he isn't cool - Zoro has his moments but that's not all he is. The man gets lost running in a straight line???? He once almost got frozen in wax and decided his priority was to ensure he died in a cool pose. That type of willingness to be silly is not something you find in a stereotypical alpha male type of personality. Like, who are you kidding, he's lame af, unashamed of it, and it's fabulous.

Another thing, granted this is not a common opinion by any means, but on one instance I've seen someone act as if Zoro's some lady killer or some shit and I actually had to pause and stare at my screen in disbelief. Could I see women being attracted to Zoro? Yeah sure, I mean the one example I can think of right now is Hiyori (another example may or may not be me. But then again you knew that didn't you, considering this post is just one giant love letter to Zoro). But does Zoro purposely try to attract women? Uh no? I don't even think the man is straight. He's either aromantic/asexual (very ace of him to not give a shit about romance but leap up in two seconds upon hearing the word "sword") or just gay, cause he exhibits very little interest in romance, or very little indication that he finds women attractive. And I pinpointed attraction to women specifically just cause people tend to assume Zoro is heterosexual and have the audacity to get mad at you if you try to imply otherwise. Which to me is clearly heteronormativity speaking because where. Where is he straight, I don't see it. And sure is there a possibility he may be heterosexual and just unwilling to act on attraction because he has a different goal in life? Yeah sure, but you can't act like that's the only valid interpretation for him. But regardless, no matter what sexuality you headcanon him as, he's still very very far from "manly man with ladies swooning left and right into his muscular arms" type character. I mean if someone swooned into him I'm pretty sure he would catch them on principle without registering any romantic connotations whatsoever. (Note that these opinions do not stop me from being a Sanzo/Zosan shipper, but that's more because I find the concept entertaining. An argument could also be made that Zoro does pay the most attention to Sanji, even if it's to fight him). So yeah, another strike against the whole alpha male type of characterization. Zoro doesn't really give a shit about romance and even if he DID, I am convinced he still wouldn't treat a potential romantic partner as anything but an equal, doesn't matter if that s/o is a man, woman or non binary. And this segways into my next point.

Because Zoro has some very refreshing attitudes about gender, both his own and of other people. This doesn't just tie in with the sexuality/romantic partner thing, it ties into the willingness to be authentic/silly thing, and the "likes to compare skills through fighting" thing. I very much think that Zoro just doesn't really register gender roles much, or he does and he just doesn't care about it. And I'm aware this partially stems from a position of privilege he has as a guy - he doesn't need to care about gender roles and how people view him because he's a man. He wouldn't be short changed for anything if he doesn't notice. While the same luxury is not extended to individuals like Kuina and Tashigi, who were in a field of practice that looks down on them purely for being women. Having said that, Zoro literally just doesn't give a shit who he's dealing with, man, woman or any other gender. If you challenge him, he'll fight you. And the level of effort he gives that fight is usually dependent on ability and the situation. If you annoy him, he'll annoy you back. He has no qualms about snarking and yelling at Nami the same as he would with a male member of the crew. People in the past that have pointed out to him the difference in the way the rest of the world perceives men and women - like with Kuina and Tashigi for example - is met with confusion. And again, this is partially because Zoro has the privilege of not noticing, but honestly even if he did notice, I don't think his personal actions would change. And I find that refreshing. I love Sanji as a character, don't get me wrong, but his whole refuses to fight women schtick is something that annoys me (even if I do headcanon that it partially comes from a place of trauma). And moreover, Zoro gives me the impression of a person that doesn't give a shit if his own masculinity is "compromised", going by the stereotypical definition of the phrase. He does shit cause he feels like it, not cause it's the "manly" thing to do. Yeah, he happens to like drinking, working out - things that are considered traditionally masculine, but I get the sense that if he did have hobbies that were not traditionally masculine, he would just go ahead and do them regardless of what people think of him. His antics pre-timeskip wasn't exactly the epitome of manliness, it was silly and goofy and he has no qualms about it cause it was authentically him. And he wouldn't feel threatened if he were to do anything not in keeping with a "manly" image, even if he wouldn't do any of that of his own volition. Like the babysitting filler episode? The man was in a crop top that said "mama" on the front. I fully believe that if he lost a bet to Nami and had to wear a dress or some other traditionally feminine piece of clothing, or if for some convoluted reason Luffy ordered him to put on a disguise like that for some mission or whatever, Zoro wouldn't give a shit as long as it was comfortable and didn't obstruct his ability to fight. If someone made fun of him for it, he would probably bite back depending on how insulting the person is trying to be, cause not caring about wearing non masculine clothing doesn't mean he would be okay with someone looking down on him, but he wouldn't automatically equate the two to each other without that interference, and that association wouldn't be permanent. Would he choose to wear a dress on his own? Probably not. He does still have clothing preferences and they tend to be simple, practical and comfortable, and with certain clothing pieces, in keeping with his culture. Would he fly into an insecure rage about not being a girl? I don't think so. And that's so far in attitude from the whole alpha male thing that it's not even funny. The whole concept of an identity centered around being an alpha male reeks of insecurity, and Zoro is very secure in who he is as a person.

And this is also why I think Zoro would act differently in a romance than how "alpha males" would act, even if it's with a woman (I still don't think Zoro is straight btw, but just for conjecture). For one he respects people based on ability and if not that, determination and heart, so right off the bat he's not gonna treat his partner as lesser than him by virtue of being a woman. And I've noticed that a lot of heterosexual couples (not all, mind you, but a lot) seem to care more about dating a gender role than dating an actual person. By that, I mean individuals who pride themselves on being a model of masculinity however they define it - usually look for a partner to compliment them in that regard. I find this counterproductive, because your partner is not meant to be a tool/accessory to maintain your image, and also because being the perfect man or woman is too narrow of a definition, and it doesn't exactly leave you a lot of room to live comfortably as a human - with all your fallible moments that don't fit comfortably in little boxes. It's impractical and illogical. If you value maintaining the status quo and assigning responsibilities and roles based on arbitrary rules assigned by society instead of ability, if you care about that more than you care about helping your partner and maintaining a functional life, I don't think y'all are gonna last long. That's just my two cents. But for the reasons listed before, Zoro barely even registers gender roles, and he's a pretty "get shit done" type of person. He's not gonna give a shit. He'll do what he's able to do for the relationship, and he wouldn't feel insecure when his partner does the same, even if it doesn't fit into traditional roles. And considering Zoro's love of sparring/fighting I don't think he would get with a partner that isn't able to give him a run for his money anyways. Another thing that sets him apart from the alpha male stereotype, those guys are terrified of anyone challenging them for their position of "authority", however dubious that position is (and however stupid it is to care about notions of dominance for a relationship. Have y'all seen those interview videos with guys who actually believe that? "I can't date a girl that bench presses more than me cause that means she becomes the dominant figure in the relationship" excuse me what.)

This post is getting overly long so I'm going to end it there. Thanks for reading!

[gryffindormarveltwilight]

All We Need - Part 7 - Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Reader

A/N: Sorry guys for the delay on this part. It is a bit shorter than usual and there will probably be 1 maybe 2 more parts to this series. I hope you enjoy it - as always feel free to send through requests or feedback.

A/N2: I have just reposted this it turns out some of the tags were not working so sorry to those who wanted to be tagged and weren't hopefully that is fixed now!!

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, spoilers for the mission in the movie, naval inaccuracies, alot of Rooster x reader giving sibling vibes

Sitting in my cabin on the carrier my leg was bouncing up and down it was only two hours until the mission took place. I hadn’t spoken to Jake since last night when I left him speechless on the couch and I had my dad pick me up early before anyone was awake leaving Daisy with a kiss on the forehead. Flashbacks to my conversation with Jake running through my head when the cabin door cracks open to reveal Bradley with a sad look.

“You okay in here Thena?”

“Brad, come in, yeah i am fine”

“Want to try that again?”

“Who told you?”

“Hangman actually, said something about a disagreement last night then said he hasn’t seen you since.” I nod lowly.

“It wasn’t a disagreement I just told him why I picked you and not him.”

“Ah yes he also mentioned that. You do know you are not replaceable to anyone especially not Jake and Daisy.”

“Did you just call him Jake?” Rooster cringed slightly with a laugh.

“That is beside the point, you aren’t. I know we haven’t spoken much since we got recalled but Athena you have to see what we all see, you are Daisy’s mother and Hangman is so in love with you.”

“And you are in love with Phoenix.” Rooster laughed and looked down at his hands.

“Yes I am, how about we make a deal, we both make it through this we tell Hangman and Phoenix how we feel.”

I laugh slightly “you know what, deal.”

“We are going to make it through this aren’t we?” Bradley ask in a sad voice.

“I am going to try my hardest to make sure you do.”

“I love you Y/N, we will get through this.”

“After all we have a few angels looking out for us, I love you too Bradley.” Bradley pulls me into a tight hug and kisses the top of my head before turning towards the door. 

“Bradley! When we are up there, Don’t think, Just do.” He nods and leaves my cabin. I fix up my uniform before grabbing my helmet and heading towards the flight deck, as I get there i can see everyone else next to their planes doing there checks, at the end i see Jake and Coyote getting there planes ready incase we need back up, Jake and I make eye contact, his eyes hold a sad look, I turn quickly to my plane starting to do the checks when i hear footsteps behind me. I turn to see Ice and Mav and Hondo standing there.

“Sirs, can I help you?” Ice doesn’t respond just give me a tight hug followed by mav and Hondo.

“Be safe and come home. We all love you.” Ice says and Mav nods before they turn around and head back to the control centre. 

“You have some people looking for advice Athena.” Hondo steps aside and I see Payback, Fanboy, Bob, Phoenix, Rooster, Coyote and finally Jake right at the back.

“Daggers, some of you may know but after this we are permanently becoming a squad, therefore whatever happens up there today, we stick together and we have each others backs to make sure everyone comes home. And if by some miracle we pull this off, beers are on me.” They all cheer at the laugh statement and start hugging each other. Phoenix and Bib hug me before we hear the announcement that we are to be taking off in less than 5 mins and that kills that laughter before we all look at each other before heading back to our planes. I climb into my jet Hondo following me up.

“I don’t like that look Athena.”

“Its the only one I have Hondo.”

“Mav only says that when he is about to do something dumb.” I laugh and so does he.

“Look after them Hondo, for me.”

“Always,” i nod it was one of the things i lkked about Hondo, he was a realist and never tried to pull the whole everyone will make it back speech. “you know everyone compares you to Ice but you really do have the best of your Dad, Ice and Mav, so fly like that today okay.” I nod as i start to close the canopy up.

“Dagger Three Up and ready” i hear Phoenix say through coms.

“Dagger Spare Up and ready.” Jake comes through next followed by Payback and Rooster. I take a deep breath.

“Dagger One, up and ready.”

“Daggers ready on catapult awaiting command approval.” I hear control centre thorough the comms, then we hear Cyclone.

“Send them.” With that we are launched off the carrier and get into formation, after descending below radar level, i give the all clear to release the tomahawks looking up as they fly above us. 

“Daggers into attack formation, enter point in Tminus 30secs, 2minute 30 second on the clock - entering now.” I press the timer on my dash as i hear the others confirm they have to as we enter the canyon. As we fly at pace I can hear in the comms that rooster is falling behind.

“Rooster you have to pick up the pace.” I yell into my comms

“Come on Dad talk to me.” As I am about to respond i bear Mav come through the comms.

“Come on kid, dont think just do.” Suddenly Rooster picks up the place as i fly under a bridge speaking into the comms to warn the others.

“You with me Phoenix?”

“Right behind you Athena.”

“Popping up in 10secs be ready on that laser Bob.” 

“All system check, Laser is a go.” Bob responds.

“Popping in 3,,,2,,,,1” i suddenly feel the force on my body as we pop up and level out heading towards the target, as Bob confirms he has a lock to the target  I drop my missiles and pull up on the joy stick, crushing weight of gravity as the G-Force gets stronger, i can hear the heavy breathing of Phoenix and Bob.

“Stay with me Phoenix, Rooster status.” I say through laboured breaths,

“Nearly there Athena. Fanboy have the laser ready.” I hear Bob yell that we had direct contact, simultaneously with Fanboy saying there is something wrong with the laser. He is going back and forth with Rooster until Rooster said he was dropping blind. I levelled out when i saw smoke in the air from the SAMs.

“Here they come guys, SMOKE IN THE AIR.!” I yell. With that chaos ensures everyone screaming at each other where the SAMs were coming from and what direction to break, i saw rooster with two SAMs behind him.

“Deploying counter-measures,,,SHIT I am out of flares.” I hear Roosters panicked voice through the comms.

“Rooster Evade Evade!” I yell back at him as i see he has come up behind me, without hesitation i pulled the throttle back soaring over the top of Roosters jet releasing the flares I had left before i felt an all too familiar jolt of a missile hitting the back of my jet and before i know it I am burning in plummeting towards the snow as I reach down below me and pull the ejection handle, quickly followed by the string to deploy my parachute before blacking out as i land in the snow.

Icemans POV

Everyone let out a sigh of relief when we heard through the radio the Rooster had hit the target. The mission had been successful. I hear Cyclone mutter under his breath now they just all had to get home. I looked at Maverick who look as nervous as i felt listening to our pilots yelling directions at each other in order to avoid the SAMs. I held my breath when I heard Rooster saying he was out of flares with two SAMs on his tail. I looked at Mav as we heard Athena yelling at him to evade, and i felt like i was about to pass out when Roosters voice came through the comms.

“ATHENA NO!!” Rooster screams

“D-dagger one is down” I hear Phoenix say her voice breaking slightly “I repeat dagger one is down”

I stumble backwards sitting down on the chair behind me looking at Maverick who has tears in his eyes, Hondo has his head in his hands and Cyclone and Warlock are speechless, before we can even really process one of the operates reports that there are bandits incoming, and Cyclone is telling them to come back to the carrier, like ringing in my eyes i can hear Rooster argue that they should go back for Athena and cyclone argues that they aren’t losing anyone else. A silent sob leaves my chest when i hear Jake through the comms

“Dagger Spare request permission to fly cover and search and rescue.” Hoarseness in his voice indicating that he too probably has tears streaming down his face like me and Mav who both are yet to say anything outloud.

Cyclone shakes his head at Jakes request. “Negative spare, daggers return to the carrier.”

“Sir, what about Athena.” Hondo says his voice slightly shaky.

“There is nothing we can do for her, not in goddamn F-18s” he shakes his head “I won’t lose anyone else today.” We all look down understanding his position.

“Rooster, don’t do it, she is gone.” We hear Phoenix over the radio.

“I am not loosing her, not today.”

“ROOSTER!!” We look at the screen to see Roosters jet going in another direction before hovering for a few seconds then disappeared on the screen much like Athena’s had done minutes before. Now Mav sat down next to me head in his hands.

“We certainly raised dumb stubborn kids.” I laugh slightly but can’t form a sentence, I pat Mav on the shoulder before walking out of the control room towards the flight deck. 

When I get to the flight deck I can see Jake sitting against the landing gear head in his hand and I go and sit next to him.

“We lost them both.” Jake looks up shocked.

“What do you mean both?”

“Rooster went down as well, I think he went back for her and got shot down.” Jake let out a sob as I wrapped my arms around him.

Y/Ns POV

I jolt awake in the cold snow and unclip my parachute before I turn around and hear the sound of a helicopter approaching. At first I thought that it may have been search and rescue then I saw their guns point towards me, without hesitation I start to run and I dive behind a log, accepting that this may very well be the end of me and I start to think of my parents, my dysfunctional aunts and uncles and finally Jake and Daisy and I smile at the thought they will be my last thought until I hear an explosion and look up to see that the helicopter is spinning out of control and there is one of our jets hovering, then I see smoke in the air and the jet tail is hit, I let go of the breath I was holding when I see a parachute land a few hundred meters away from me in the woods. I start sprinting towards where I saw the parachute land, as I get closer I see Rooster wrapping up his chute.

“Rooster, are you okay?”

“Athena, I am fine.”

“Good” I say as I shove him back into the snow. 

“What the hell Athena?”

“Me what the hell! You are meant to be back on the carrier by now Rooster what the hell were you thinking!”

“Mav taught us not to think, plus I made a promise to make sure you came home!”

“YOU WHAT! Who the hell made you promise that.” Rooster just raised his eyebrow at me “Jake of course, well news flash Rooster now we are both stuck!”

“They will send search and rescue.”

“No Rooster, they won’t, we have landed to far into enemy territory for them to risk it.”

“It is good to see you alive Athena.” “You too Rooster, you too.” I gave him a hug as I pull back I give him a look.

“I don’t like that look.”

“I think I have an idea, follow me.” After a walk we are perched on the top of a hill looking at the demolished airbase that our tomahawks took out earlier that day, I grab a mini telescope looking to see if there is any planes undamaged, “Bingo.”

“You have got to be shitting me Athena, a F-14”

“Hey Mav shot down 3 MIGs I one of those.”

“We don’t even know if that bag of ass can fly.”

“Only one way to find out.” I say as we start walking across the base towards the plane, Rooster pointing out people coming near us so we start to run to the plane. Once we get there I start explaining to Rooster what to do as I climb in the pilot seat, sighing with relief as it starts up and Rooster climbs into the back seat. 

“Do you even know how to fly this thing Athena.” “Rooster I knew how to fly one of these before I knew how to drive a car.” He just nodded as we got onto the taxi way, I look over to see the runway is completely destroyed, I start putting the wings out when I hear a panicked voice from behind.

“Why are the wings coming out Thena?” I ignore him as I push down on the throttle the plane speeding up as I do. I can hear Rooster stressing behind me. We gain speed quickly and just before the end of the taxi way i pull up of the throttle the plane jolting up along with it the landing clipping the ruin of a building snapping off.

“Get us in touch with the ship Rooster.”

“Any clue how to do that Athena?”

“Uhhh circuit breaker 2 I think.” 

“Thena there is over 300 switches back here”

“Figure it out Rooster it is in you blood.” I hear him mumble a complaint before his panicked voice breaks through again “tally two low Athena”

I tell Rooster to put down his visor and pull his mask up as the other planes pilot starts to make hand signals I barely recognise.

“What is your plan here Athena?”

“I don’t know yet, have you turned your beacon on?”

“Yeah I turned it on as soon as we were airborne.”

“I want you to punch out Rooster and then the ship will send search and rescue for you”

“And what about you huh? What are you going to do?”

“Rooster…”

“No Athena, if you think for one second that I am going to punch out and leave you to draw them away with a dog fight you are extremely wrong.”

“Rooster, you have to make it back.”

“Then do some of that pilot shit Athena, cause I am not leaving my sister to die up here.” I sigh heavily.

“Alright then, its a dogfight.”

Taglist:

@dory-98 @djs8891 @brooke-stinson @emma8895eb @a-court-of-roscoe-and-baby @itsdesiree86 @dempy @kmc1989

[just7frogsinapeoplesuit]

Finished reading Harrow the Ninth last week! It was a lot smoother than the previous book, and another fun read. Thoughts (spoiler free):

- This may be the only book I've ever read where 2nd person narration didn't make me want to pull my hair out, because it's the only time I've seen it done for a clear reason! The narration switching between chapters helps set a discordant tone and creates mystery in a unique way, and the bit where it switches to first person for just a few words 3/4 of the way through the book hits like a truck.

- Continuing to love how puzzley this series is. Piecing together stories from scraps is soo fun and satisfying. The pacing at which we receive information is (again) perfect and (again) we never get the entire picture so there's always something extra during a reveal.

- I felt this in Gideon but it's more relevant now: 10,000 years is way too long a timescale for the setting and characters, and the absurdity of it makes it feel less real. It should be 1,000 years maximum given how little it seems humanity has evolved since the resurrection, and nearly every length of time stated by a lyctor should be about 1/10 of what it is. The single reason I would accept for it really being 10k years is if it's a setup for an "over 9000" joke which, to be fair, is extremely plausible.

- Every new character has a name that's 3 syllables or less! I could actually remember who everyone was!

- It's even clearer in this book how unique and complex the characters' relationships are. I don't often encounter series where I genuinely couldn't give a concise answer for how anyone feels about anyone else. I'm so glad there's more.

- The one alien planet with substantial life we encounter is almost exactly like earth, down to Harrow assuming there are mammals and annelids. Unless these planets were purposely set up with Earth flora/fauna (despite being supposedly almost inaccessible) this feels like a cop-out to not have to make up alien biology and frankly it was disappointing. Really hoping this was done for a reason.

- Having a narrator we know is unreliable adds so much depth to the mystery of the story, especially the 3rd person segments. I said this before but I really wish more people wrote from the perspective of deeply flawed or ignorant characters.

- The visuals are detailed and often stunning, but sometimes they're just redundant. We do not need to be reminded what the lyctor robes look like every time someone is wearing one, I am going to assume they are still the same two pages later. The constant focus on the color of people's eyes could be considered an exception since it's a very plot-relevant detail, but even that was a little much at times.

- The lyctors and God read like an office drama where everyone involved is an objectively shitty person and I enjoyed every moment of it.

- I thought I was prepared to encounter none pizza with left beef. I was not prepared to encounter none pizza with left beef.

- The prose has been smoothed out a lot. The voice feels consistent even across chapters (and even near the end!), and the number of unnecessarily long and/or obscure words is slightly less but still got irritating at times. Muir definitely has a handful of favorites she overuses, namely:

Tessellate: Fair for the setting but unnecessary when telling us the wallpaper has a pattern

Scintillating: We see synonyms for this maybe once, it's used every single time something sparkles or is shiny

Deliquesce: Again great for the setting, but again it is used every single time something is melty (and a few times metaphorically). She even uses it to describe a soggy biscuit once. I don't know how to express just how much biscuits cannot deliquesce without going on an unhinged rant about the mechanics of rot.

- There are also still instances of clear thesaurus overuse, such as fog being described as "lubricious". I am assuming this was because in context it's supposed to be contrasting cold weather and that's a listed antonym for "frigid" but explicitly in a metaphorical sense. Did Muir know she was telling us the fog was horny? I want to believe there was some hidden joke but I couldn't find one, and it's far from the only time a college-level vocab word is used instead of a simpler synonym in a context that just doesn't quite work (because it adds connotations that don't make sense).

- On the other end of vocab things, there are a few obscure words she uses only once that are so vividly relevant to the setting it's almost weird they never come back. "Flense", for example, is probably the most necromancy-friendly 19th century word imaginable and using it metaphorically is a brilliant choice, but Muir has given priority to other less grotesque (but higher in syllable count) 19th century words and it only appears a single time. Yes, my irritation is showing. Unnecessary syllables irritate me.

- None pizza with left beef aside, my personal favorite meme was the Miette reference, but "wake me up inside" was a close second.

- Overall, similar in enjoyment to Gideon but easier to read. Excited to start Nona when I get the chance!

(Gideon the Ninth review here)

[sadist1224]

A FREE IDEA FOR FAN FICTION

Sorry for the mistakes, English through translator.

In general, this post is for readers too, but mostly for the authors.

I'm too lazy to write a whole fanfiction, but I'm not too lazy to illustrate it, in general…

ROYAL AU!

I NEED A ROYAL AU!

I have already read enough medieval stories, and I have not yet seen such a plot, so I will summarize it briefly.

The main character is the reader /"Y|N"/ you are the indirect heir to the royal throne. That is, you seem to belong to the royal blood, but you are not close to the board at all. Your father is the king's cousin, so you don't have much chance to rule, and you don't need to. You and your family have been slandered in every way possible to keep your parents away from the capital and the palace. Of course, as a child you were in the palace, at balls and so on, but that was a long time ago.

You and your father lived on the outskirts, in a small estate with an adjacent village. You weren't poor, but you weren't rich either. You know what it's like to live in the common people, what hunger and disease are. You don't need the throne because you have a deep resentment and dislike for the crown, which is why your family suffered.

You had almost no childhood. Your father had his own crazy mission - to teach you everything he knows himself. Politics, economics, even military affairs and fencing. Sometimes it came to paranoia. One of his lessons turned out to be a disaster for you and now your back is decorated with a long torn scar (you can make up a story).

And one day, your father is called back to the capital. He doesn't tell you the reasons, but he's coming back after a month. Really sick. Over the next week, you had the feeling that your father had been poisoned. He's dying in your arms. Weak, exhausted, not like himself.

And a year later, 4 horsemen with the coat of arms of one of the most powerful clans in the kingdom come to your estate. 141, headed by the family of John Price. Along with him come the "dead knight" Simon "Ghost" Riley - his right-hand man and chief adviser, John "Soap" McTavish and Kyle "Gaz" Garrick (you can also add Roach and others here).

Price announces to you that practically the entire royal dynasty was killed in a coup and now you are the first in line to the throne. At first, you give up the crown and send them back, BUT then you agree.

1) Price uses blackmail (how exactly and what kind of blackmail is at your discretion)

2) You need to find out what happened to your father (the main reason you agree.)

3) You really don't have a choice (why?yes, the dick knows, we need to come up with)

FURTHER SPOILERS!

The irony is that you were chosen for a reason. The former king and his family were frankly terrible rulers, and in fact it was 141 who staged the coup (but the reader will learn about this as the story progresses)

Price's plan was to put someone on the throne, in the role of a puppet. In that case, he would have the power. And Price is not a bad person, he wants only the best for your country, but he cannot entrust its development to anyone.

That's why he chose you, but you ruin his plans almost immediately.

You're really taking control of the country into your own hands. You don't let yourself be controlled, you are constantly learning and developing. You're really smart! It is important! More importantly, you can't trust anyone from the royal court. After all, in addition to 141, there is another clan - CorTak (who is in charge of it, who is in it and what they do is up to you. THE ONLY THING is to add Koenig, I love him, and women, because without them there are only men in the palace).

Whether CorTak will be involved in the coup is also up to you to decide.

The main conflict can be tied to foreign policy. For example, Shepard is the ruler of a neighboring country, and his representative in your kingdom is Graves.

Maybe Shepard wants to take over your lands? Was he involved in your father's murder? ???

You can also add Laswell to your side, as an ambassador on your side.

A FEW HEADCOUNTS OF CHARACTERS:

JOHN PRICE

Cunning, smart, wise. Do not think that behind his "calmness" there is really "calmness"He has a good command of his face. A great political player, an excellent leader with his dark secrets and injuries.

Military, fighter, fencing at the highest level. Kapets is so strong. He can be mean. I'm used to achieving my goals. He usually avoids harsh immoral things, but when things "smell fried", he will do anything to protect his clan.

Did he have a wife? Maybe, but he's got a lot of mistresses. Rather, he is single, or frankly does not love the woman he married.

Really RICH. He's a lord or whatever. He has lands and he is one of the king's confidants, his adviser, even if the king is dead, John still holds this position.

She can blackmail the reader, and in principle, at first treats her with distrust and prejudice. After some time, he begins to deliberately annoy her, attract attention to himself and behave quite boldly (for example, enter her personal space). Sexual tension is 100%. But he's still a gentleman.

SIMON RILEY

I think he probably has an estate with a village, but most likely it is empty, or he is being looked after by several servants. He hardly ever shows up there.

Otherwise, it is a canonical rough, hard, cold Ghost, with its own backstory. He serves Price faithfully.

Sleeping with Johnny? I don't mind, we're all a bit perverted here.

JOHN MCTAVISH

Ahhh, typical Johnny. A funny guy, a fucker, shamelessly flirting.

He can run after skirts. He'll end up with Simon anyway. \(-_-)/

He has a BIG family. Right now, yes. I think he's from a small town in Scotland. Maybe Price found him?

KYLE GARRICK

The same story as with Sope.

I also have a family, but I don't think it's rich.

In general, sexual relations between 141 are welcome. Let's be honest, "141 x reader" is much more interesting when chemistry flows between all its members.

Speaking of love lines: 141 x reader + KorTac x reader.

You can put Vaqueros and Graves in here. I love everything, I like everything.

DESCRIPTION OF THE READER

I repeat that the reader is smart! This is really important! The reader is not naive, he does not have pink glasses.

Stubborn, arrogant, strong in spirit and character. responsible and independent.

He also manages his face well, but not at the same level as Price.

About 22-24 years old.

The reader has a lot of skills, but he will have to learn a lot more to run the country.

He doesn't like luxury. More for practicality than beauty.

She knows etiquette, can play the piano and violin, and she loves music, but she rarely gets to do it.

He doesn't like dancing. She's cold enough for balls and social evenings, but she can't do anything about it.

He reads solely because of the information. Uses any free minute for any activity.

He doesn't know what rest is. The guys have to forcibly drag her out for walks. She won't say, but she's grateful to them.Sincerely loves to laugh.

She can be sarcastic. I like to put people (especially those who deserve it) in an awkward position. It amuses her.

SOME SCENES THAT TAKE PLACE.

Damn, I can see how Price is sending Sop and Gas to convey some information to the reader, which is not very important, but he requires transmission right now. Imagine the guys' faces when they find you naked in the bathroom, sitting with your back to them, with a book in your hands. And in fact, you are not embarrassed by their presence, but begin to nightmare them, amused by their reaction. Or maybe Price won't send anyone, but will go looking for you himself. Or will it be a Ghost?

In general, I need such a story on AO3 or here, it doesn't matter. I just hope someone gets inspired by it and writes it. And also. Leave a link in the comments to the fanfiction, if any.

[nexxocatt]

ETM ACT 1 RANTS

So, I thought, since ACT 1 of ETM is now officially done,,, why not talk abt it? Y'know, for fun? Cause I have some thoughts😇 Let's begin, shall we?

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Also; TW: Mentions of death, violence, swearing (I think that's all. If you feel triggered, feel free to click off!!)

TROY SAGA

I have a love/hate relationship with 'The Horse and The Infant' tbh, like YEAHHH NEO AVENGE THE HELL OUTTA ACHILLES!!! But also oh Jeez, Zeus wtf man. Also when I replayed the whole ACT I was really scared that it was playing 'Monster', since they start with the same opening😭😭 (And yes it was on shuffle)

I FUCKING LOVE THE VOCALS IN 'JUST A MAN' Like oh meh Gods who possessed Jorge to sing like that, holy moly (hehehe refference). But yeah, very heartbreaking song, especially when that "when does a man become a monster?" part hits. AND THE "FORGIVE ME"S😭😭

In 'Full Speed Ahead' I love how Ody says "Polites!" cuz like THAT'S HIS BESTIE!!! YAYYY :D Also, I saw a tiktok that was depicting the last part (when Ody tells Polites to get ready cuz they're going over to that island, and Eury is like we don't know what to expect) as the trio with the 'Pessimistic Realist'(Eury), the 'Realist who doubles as a Sunshine Protector'(Ody) and, ofc, the 'Sunshine'(Polites) ((And Ody lowkey becomes a mass murderer when Polites gets hurt))

I swear 'Open Arms' will forever be my fav song on this Saga, I just LOVE how Polites is like a supportive bsf to Ody and is trying to get him to approach the world differently. The Lotus Eaters were probably so happy to get them to face Polyphemus so that they won't have to worry abt him

I hate & love at the same time how Ody shows one act of kindness and Athena's like "🤨📸 Are you slacking off work??? Nahhh, not on my watch." But also the hopeful "Goddess and man, bestest of friends!" and then the broken "Okay :')" break me everytime cuz like Ody really just wants to get close(platonically) to Athena😭😭

THE CYCLOPS SAGA

I hate how Polites is like "I can't believe there's so many sheep here, just for us! :D" like buddy, do NOT believe it😭 Also I believe in the headcannon that Polyphemus was really about to let them go before Ody hit him with the "Eye to Eye" verse

Didn't realise that in the opening of 'Survive', the ensemble sings the sylables of "POLYPHEMUS" before a video pointed it out (I believe the name was 'Epic: The Musical but only when someone's name is said' and it had the opening of 'Survive'). Also can we just agree that the broken "captain" in 'Survive' and the several "CAPTAIN!"s in 'Ruthlessness' are gonna haunt Ody forever😭🙏

I truly believe that in 'Remember Them', Ody was really about to just leave before Athena showed up and he decided to reveal his name, home address, and social security number to one of his enemies🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️ But can you blame him tho?? Like I find it pretty reasonable to let your defeated enemy know who they messed it, so that they won't fuck with you or anyone you hold close again.

Even before 'My Goodbye', when Athena said "don't dissapoint me" in 'Warrior of the Mind' I was like "Then don't be dissapointed! How 'bout that???" (As you can tell I'm fed up at Athena's reasoning for leaving Ody. And then she has the AUDACITY to call Telemachus her friend and then disregard viewing Ody the same way🤨📸)

THE OCEAN SAGA

I relistened to 'Storm' during a school roadtrip, when it was raining heavily, and LITERALLY AFTER the song was done, the rain stopped😨😨 Also love the addition of trumpets to show that it was Poseidon who started the storm(cuz trumpets are his signature instrument if I remember correctly)

I feel like 'Luck Runs Out' is heavily skipped troughout the musical, but it's a really cool song that just radiates "Odysseus No. Odysseus YES" energy

'Keep Your Friends Close' is my fav song in this Saga bc I really love whoever sings Aeolus' role😍😍 Also the "Everything changed since Polites" line made me audibly and visually scream😭 Like okay, BOLD😤😤

I will always laugh at the "ALL I GOTTA DO IS OPEN THIS BAG" "WHAT" part😂😂 Like he just lost 557 men and he just BOLTS IMMEDIATELY. And I was really confused when Poseidon said "I mean you totally could've avoided all this, had you just killed my son", cuz like, wasn't it in the prophecy that ody was meant to blind Polyphemus, not kill him?? (This is not meant to show hate to this specific part, only to show hate to Poseidon, bc he gave PTSD to my fav boy and was wrong at the same time😤)

THE CIRCE SAGA

I immediately started crying at the start bc the opening instrumental sounds like the "Watch where the birds fly, they will lead us to land. There we'll hunt for food, my second-in-command" in 'Full Speed Ahead' and it really shows that now there's just the two of them, Ody and Eury, 'cause they lost Polites(whom I'm still mourning). Also the "What" and the "Damn" Ody says during Eury's explaination are giving me life😭🙏

I saw in an animatic of 'Wouldn't You Like' by Ximena Natzel on YT that at the last chorus Hermes was just throwing Ody around in the air and I feel like the "Oh-woah"s Ody sings are him going along with whatever Hermes is doing and he's enjoying himself🥺 (But not for long)

I have no idea what to say for 'Done For' other than I think it took over the entire fandom when it released on Feb 14th. I love how Circe immediately knows that Hermes gave Ody the Molly flower and Ody's like "Alr ya caught me, but hey, Imma still defeat you"

I also don't know what to say about "There Are Other Ways" other than the "Or maybe the world will need a puppeteer more!" part is making me question my sexuality😳 (ofc I won't steal Talya from Jay but I'm just saying). Oh also the "12 long years" part definitely took over the fandom at that point😭

THE UNDERWORLD SAGA

I made the BIGGEST mistake of listening to this Saga on a school roadtrip (the same one I was on when relistening to 'Storm') and almost CRIED MY HEART OUT when I heard both Polites and Anticlea's parts😭😭 there's also a sound on TT where it first shows Polites' part in 'Open Arms' and then in 'The Underworld' and I'm crying so hard😭😭😭😭

I love Mason's voice when playing Tiresias so much ong. Also: "Who?" Odysseus asked calmly. LIKE FOOL IT'S YOU!!!!

I love the song 'Monster' so much, mainly for the fact that Ody's asking himself if the other beings they encountered along the way feel as guilty as he does. I also feel like Astyanax is just vibing to the song and Hector's like "That's literally the guy who killed you???" And he's like "Womp womp. This song's fire!!" (Cringe, Ik, but you can't stop me)

On a last note: JORGE WHEN I CATCH YOU JORGE- /j

But seriously, you wound us, Mr. Jalapeño; YOU WOUND ALL OF US.

Hope y'all enjoyed my rant🤪🤪

[aachria]

omg new chapter jst dropped im still reading i jst finishdd read coins letter and man i already love him sm

Like (spoiler alert ig if anyone's on tumblr before reaching the chapter???))

Hes so so so so funny and and :(( hes so dad figure coded

"Not even the great pirate era smh 😕" so real for that boo

ALSO ALSO ED AND COIN SPENDING THE TIMESKIP TOGETHER IS ALSO SOMETHING I PREDICTED Ed is gonna be such a badass. Also the line that goes "wherever you are, ill find you" makes me feel like you might legit make ed have both the coin training arc and be on the execution stand and i have never been more excited for something because i feel like if you do that we might get a luffy pov 🤭🤭🤭

Him going around calling ed his kid made me so happy. Guess ed wont have to worry abt getting too close to whitebeard now that they have their own found family dad "You’re probably something to brag about so I wanted a head start." Ed deserves to be bragged about 🗣‼️‼️‼️

him immediately saying that if rayleigh says his name is a dick joke hes lying is so sibling coded (and rlly zoro and ed coded i feel)

"And no matter what — what you’re fighting for right now, what your morals are, how shit you think your personality is, any of that bullshit — you couldn’t possibly disappoint me. " i cried, i sobbed, i shoved my head in my pillow and screamed.

And and "Just remember you’re everything, everything is going to be fine, and I’m gonna help you anyway I’m capable." :((( hes so cool i love him fr

"PLEASE do not prove me wrong on that one oml. I mean make your own choices slay queen pussy boss" hes the best. Friendship ended with Ed, Coin is my favorite self insert oc now.

"Pick you up later kiddo" FATHER??? bro is not only ed's dad hes my dad too now. Jst. *takes him and runs away*

I read the letter so many times i should probably get to the rest of the chapter this is gonna get long im srry in advance for yapping sm 😔

Glad we might have a reasonable explanation for teach knowing ed because that shit was worrying

The more i learn abt coin the more i want him as my father :/

The crew thinking ed might leave them makes me even more worried abt the timeskip. Eds so relatable hitting a lil too close to home w the attachment issues codependency line

ik i probs said this before but goddamn do i love the way you portray the strawhats and their dynamics

They're finally talking abt the convo ed and luffy had and the new world and im honestly hopeful abt this, without ace at the execution stand and, again im jst assuming atp, ed taking his place marineford might go way differently. Honestly them still being able to somewhat joke around makes me feel better. At least when they get separated it'll play into what they wanted to happen and what they were planning to do

OMG OMG OMG SABO SABOOOOO MY BABY OMG WHEN I TELL YOU I SCREAMED WHEN I READ THAT HOLY SHIT

Thank you once again for blessing us with this amazing chapter, i will be off to reread it a dozen times now.

Coin is my specialist of guys and so sweet and lovely I just ADORE that parental figure-shaped man.

The way writing a Luffy POV would kill me. My man has no internal dialogue what the hell would I write for his silly goofy ass???? (I say this but I absolutely will write Luffy POV at some point, oneshot or not.)

I wonder if Coin works like an anti-Whitebeard shield. Like does his cool dad/uncle energy cancel out the daddy issues aura????

Tfw your kid is SO MUCH to brag about you gotta start before they even exist just to even hope of reaching an adequate amount of bragging. My man has that unconditional love in him where the dog should be.

The fear of abandonment came free with your SSSBMTY subscription.

[shiny-jr]

Hi! I just want to say that I've read all of your takes on how the overblot crew don't get held accountable for what they've done and I am so happy to find another person that agrees with me.

Listen, I understand that we're dealing with incredibly traumatised teenagers who were pushed into it and overblotting was what ultimately lead them towards their healing but put aside the damage that they did during their overblot and think about how awfully they treated yuu beforehand.

Azul: took away their home and the only comfort family they had in twst (the ghosts), and sent the tweels to attack and harrass them during their attempts to get back their home and free their friends from servitude

Jamil: Kidnapped them, locked them up in a room against their will, again took away their home, isolated them from their friends/adeuce and prevented them from contacting anyone, hypnotised them and manipulated them, forced them to participate in long marches in the desert and literally turned a blind eye during their clear suffering

Vil: (he is literally my least favourite character - and yes, I do understand that he has just as much trauma and issues as the others due to his past and the pressure he puts on himself to be perfect - but I just don't like him) he was downright cruel and needlessly awful to not only Yuu but everyone else. He not only was horrid to poor Epel but he was dismissive and uncaring to the point of upsetting Deuce and making him run off so that no one would see him in that state. And that was before he tried to murder an innocent teenager in cold blood pre-overblot.

Yuu has gone through so much because of them and not once do they ever actually acknowledge the damage they've done to them. No one ever thinks: hey, maybe we should check up on that traumatised child that we've most definitely emotionally scarred and try to make amends instead of brushing their feelings under the rug.

You know why I love Ace so much? He actually calls people out for what they've done. He rightfully admonishes Trey for being a bystander during Riddle's reign of terror whilst Heartslabyul was suffering, he rightfully tells Riddle that crying won't erase the way he treated them before he overblotted (I was shocked that he had the guts to say that but I agreed with him - I stan a real one), he punches Riddle when he maliciously insults Yuu for no reason (that was the moment I fell for him. Yes I have a 5% hunch he did that also because he just wanted to punch him but the fact that it was Yuu's feelings getting hurt that made him actually lose it after everything else Riddle did to him is just everything to me), and he rightfully gets mad at Malleus when his prank made him think that his friends were dead.

I actually have a Yuu/OC that's so traumatised by the overblots that the only people they fully trust are Adeuce and Grim. They don't know if anyone that's nice to them are actually manipulative or will just use them in the future so they've developed serious trust issues and have PTSD from the actions of the overblots that they don't even look at them or greet them in the hallways. This is a Yuu that will forgive and never forget. It sounds petty and vindictive but I want them to suffer in their guilt whilst Yuu gets the support and help from Adeuce that they need.

Okay, I held off on responding to this because goddamn is it a long ask. Hold on, I gotta put this under the cut because it's too much, and my responding just makes it longer. Also, you read all the takes? That's impressive, considering I don't remember half of what I said. Spoilers for all overblots, including from the diasomnia chapter.

I'm just gonna summarize this in one simple statement. I know people aren't gonna agree, but here it is. The overblotted students deserved more punishments. As you said, yes, they're traumatized, but they were still conscious of their decisions before they overblotted. And they all did some questionable stuff before overblotting.

You literally said everything I was going to say. None of them are innocent. Even if they didn't overblot, their actions before the disaster were bad.

Idk, I feel like Yuu should be a little more acknowledged sometimes. I mean, yeah, ultimately, the characters do get close to Yuu and help them out. (1) Riddle helping Yuu investigate against Leona, (2) Leona helping Yuu get rid of Azul's contracts to free everyone, (3) Azul stepping in to help Yuu while they were stuck with Jamil, (4) Jamil getting them out of that dangerous overblot situation with Vil, (5) Vil helping fight against Idia and giving Yuu and co. a kiss, etc. But half of these felt like they had ulterior motives when they did this, and yeah, they treat Yuu differently, but we don't see that too much.

Ace is like one of the only real ones. The realest. Yeah, he was a massive jerk in the beginning, but that character development? In the beginning of the prologe, he was just being rude for no reason. But then, by the end of the prologe, he's actually begrudgingly friends with Yuu, and then towards the end of chapter one, as you said, he defends Yuu after Riddle made that unnecessary comment. Find yourself a bro like Ace (also because, as mentioned in other posts, he did not stand for Malleus' and Lilia's bs prank).

Honestly, Yuu should be super messed up mentally and emotionally by now. Probably even physically. Because of all the stuff they've gone through.

[uhhhhhhhhh-ummmmmmmmm-trollge]

(Spoilers for ii 15) I love how pathetic Taco is in the new episode. I love when villains try to "redeem" (more so just try and do the right thing, she sees herself as irredeemable) themselves and completely fumble the bag bc they are too afraid to do what would actually get them somewhere /gen. She forced the others to reveal and talk about things they weren't ready for in order to prove a point when she could've proved the point by simply asking them what they'd do if she asked personal/life ruining questions. Would've taken less long and would've kept anyone from winning before she could fully explain what the problem here is. She has the smarts to do so as well. Also she was the reason Mic quit and she burned bridges with Pickle herself. She could've 100% explained the persona thing to him and then clarified that she still never thought of him any lesser. She had her second chance with mic and instead just did the same thing and then used it as an excuse to get Mepad. If we see her confronting Pickle/Mic in EP 16 I really want it to end with them NOT forgiving her. They can understand the sorry and take it, maybe even go "Maybe later" (more likely) but I really don't want them to forgive her. She needs to distance herself from the show as much as she tells others to. There's no honesty with Mephone4, but there's also really no honesty with her either. She called Knife a brute even though she gave Mic a paralyzer, killed testtube, knocked out fan, and kidnapped Mepad while most of Knife's stuff happened a WHILE ago. She shattered over not wanting to talk to someone which is kinda strange considering she made the others do something very similar so like. It's just a sorry. It's not that deep. OH ALSO THE WHOLE "BEFORE HE CHANGES YOUT TOO" THING EVEN THOUGH TACO WAS LIKE THAT FROM THE START OF THE SERIES. Girlie, he didn't change anything you just don't want to take full responsibility for your actions. Anyways live laugh love pathetic villains. Taco is amazing and ima go rewatch the episode again. Feel free to fist fight me on why Taco isn't actually pathetic since I would love to have a small conversation on this with someone (doesn't matter who I don't have many friends who also like object shows besides @ray-the-art-demon Sorry for the mention by the way I decided to not do the slash method bc I wanna see your opinion as well)