#‘i wanna make you fall in love as hard as my poor parents’ teenage daughter / she’ll be the best you ever had if you let her’

[juliette-cai-enthusiast]

Save me Waiting Room by Phoebe Bridgers

[giveuthemo0n]

yk pheebs it might be time to think about the fact that it might not be for the better…

[koheletgirl]

girls will go so so crazy about éponine and waiting room

[inejqhafa]

born to experience life-altering romance, made to avoid every person I ever find attractive

[perfectplac3s]

I haven't listened to waiting room in a while. I forgot how relatable it is

[cleradinthealps]

if will byers knows anything, it’s that he knows it’s for the better (x37)

[lucydacusgirl]

I would literally sit there with my first aid kit and bleed. Is the thing.

[kucherovv]

phoebe bridgers waiting room is insane because like. who am i to ask for more FOR REAL..

[tinogiehd]

2020 george was saur waiting room by phoebe bridgers

[latibvles]

oh my god waiting room is back on Spotify i kid you not I just got physically sick from excitement RAAASHAHDHSH

[vampiredraws]

I hate phoebe bridgers so much she's in insane

[brenninthetaylorverse]

fine, you want to know the truth? I'll tell you the truth.

if you were a teacher, I would fail your class, take it over and over again until you notice me. if you were a waiting room, I would never see a doctor, I would sit there with my first aid kit and bleed. I wanna be the power ballad that lifts you up and holds you down, I wanna be the broken love song that feeds your misery and I can wish all that I want but it won't bring us together. plus, I know whatever happens to me, I know it's for the better. and when broken bodies are washed ashore, who am I to ask for more, more, more? but you're breathing in my open mouth, you're that gun in my lips that will blow my brains out. I wanna make you drive all night just because I said "maybe you should come over". wanna make you fall in love as hard as my poor parents teenage daughter. she'll be the best you ever had if you let her. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better. know its for the better.

[giveuthemo0n]

me when i see a video of someone & their partner and i remember i’ll never have that

[ilovefootballwrs]

waiting room

Reader x Leah Williamson

Warnings: Toxic relationship, homophobia, mommy issues

"I wanna make you drive all night just because I said, "Maybe you should come over" Wanna make you fall in love as hard as my poor parents' teenage daughter She'll be the best you ever had if you let her"

---------------------

Present

"How do you know she was the one?"

How did I know she was the on? Maybe it was the way that she made me feel? When we were together it was a mess, we were a mess. But when we are apart? My heart and soul long for her. I could never let her go, it is never going to happen.

"I never said that." I answered to the question.

"I know, but you implied it." She took a long breath before continuing what she was going to say. "Listen Y/N, if this is going to help you need to work with me. I can only help you so much, the real work comes from your side."

"I do really want your help, I really do! I just don't know how."

"Okay, then let's start from the beginning, tell me about how you met."

. . .

April, 2022

"I don't know what you're getting so worked over Y/N."

"This is a big deal for me Abby! What if it goes really bad and I end up blowing it up?" I sigh before setting my coffee down.

"It won't blow up, trust me" Abby said with a reassuring nod.

"And..." She continued, "If you happened to meet a super hot lesbian footballer, give her my number!" She winked at me.

"Abigail, I won't do that!"

"Not even for Lucy Bronze?" She asked me with a pleading look.

"Not even for Lucy Bronze."

I checked my clock and saw that the training started soon.

"I have to go! Can't risk getting late for my first day." I said excitingly.

"Take some hot pics of Bronzy for me! And don't forget to send them to me, for you know a second opinion."

. . .

Present

"Did you ever feel safe talking to Abby about your feelings?" My therapist asked me.

"Abby is my best friend, and I do love her with all my heart, but I never felt comfortable talking about her about those feelings." I said with an emphasis on those.

"Can you try to explain why to me?"

"I never really understood why, I still don't, but I would guess it was because of how open she was about it and I wasn't."

"Did you ever think about coming out to her?"

I took a deep breath and started getting ready to answer the question. I could feel my hands shaking and heart beating faster.

"I guess at one point I wanted to, but I would always get reminded of what happened with my mother." I took another deep breath before continuing, "I wanted to tell her about me and Leah so badly, I really did, but I just couldn't. It wasn't even like I was trying to suppress my feelings for Leah to myself, it was just to others I did that."

. . .

April, 2022

"I am so sorry about the camera, I really didn't mean for it to happen. I can pay you for the cost!" She said in a panic.

"Don't worry, it's not me you should be worrying about because this isn't my personal camera. I got it from the media team." I told her.

"Still, I am sorry!" She looked at me. God, she has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen.

"It's okay, really." I reassured her, again.

"This is a really bad way of introducing myself." She laughed. "I'm Leah" She struck out her hand for me to shake. I took her hand and answered.

"I'm Y/N."

. . .

Present

"Leah would try to tell me that it was okay, but I never listened to her. I should've and we would've maybe still been together."

"Did you ever feel like Leah was pushing you?" My therapist looked me deep in the eyes.

"She never meant for-" I started before she interrupted me.

"Y/N, did you ever feel like Leah tried to force you to come out? It's a yes or no question and the only one that know that answer to that is you! I am not interested in what she meant or didn't mean, this is not about her it's about you!" She looked at me with a sharp glance.

"Yes, yes it did feel like that to times. It was the reason for most of our fights. She would ask me to stop hiding her and I would tell her that I never meant for that, I just wasn't ready." I sighed. "I understand how she would feel like that though. I wouldn't want that either, but it just didn't feel like she understood where it came from."

. . .

January, 2023

"I just don't understand Y/N! Why can't you just tell Abby at least? She would understand!" She yelled.

"I get that she would understand, Leah! But that isn't the point! I'm just not ready." I tried to explain.

"What are you waiting for Y/N? There's nothing stoping you from telling her, what's the big deal?" She said.

"What's the big deal? Leah, how coming out not a big deal?" I yelled at her, at this point I was furios.

"You've already come out to your mum, why can't you just come out to Abby?" She questioned.

"And how did that go Leah? She hasn't talked to me since!" I felt the tears in my eyes at this point. How could she not understand. "I thought that you of all people would understand Leah, but I guess you're just like everyone else."

"I tried not to be! But you never gave me any other choices. I want to be with someone who will drive the whole night just to be with me, but you can't even tell people about our love. Y/N, I'm not your waiting room, I can't be."

. . .

Present

"That's the last I've heard from her." At this point I was sobbing. "I tried texting her and calling her but she blocked me. She doesn't want anything to do with me." I tried to calm down, but it didn't help. "After this, I told Abby. I had to tell her. If I just told her sooner, maybe I still would've had Leah. But it's too late now."

. . .

The end.

[asoftepiloguemylove]

i wanna make you fall in love as hard as my poor parents teenage daughter / she'll be the best you ever had if you let her

Sylvia Plath from a letter to Ann Davdiow-Goodman written 1951; Letters of Sylvia Plath, Volume I: 1940-1956 / Jeanette Winterson excerpt from Lighthousekeeping / Rosamund Hodge excerpt from Cruel Beauty / unknown / image: Angelica Alzona Intimacy (2012) words: The National Daughter of the Soho Riots (2005) / Tathève Simonyan A Prayer / @/FAUNTHEKiD (pinterest) / Victoria Chang Foghorn; Six poems / image: unknown words: Richard Siken excerpt from Crush / Hala Alyan I'm Not Speaking First

i. Sylvia Plath, letter to Ann Davdiow-Goodman

[ "I know I'll always think of you with something like hurt and nostalgia - and a great deal of love." ]

ii. Jeanette Winterson, Lighthousekeeping

[ "This is not a love story, but love is in it. That is, love is just outside it, looking for a way to break in." ]

iii. Rosamund Hodge, Cruel Beauty

[ "You fought and fought to keep all the cruelty locked up in your head, and for what? None of them ever loved you, because none of them ever knew you." ]

iv. unknown

[ "and you've cried once more because recognition feels like forgiveness, which is a burning furnace that can't stand on its own. love is a feast but you've learned to abstain. there is a sickness that follows the shame of giving with love only to be met with slaughter." ]

v. Angelica Alzona, Intimacy / The National, Daughter of the Soho Riots

[ Surrealist painting of a man and a woman kissing as their faces blend together. Red outlines of hands reach up around them. "BREAK MY ARMS / AROUND THE ONE I LOVE" ]

vi. Tatheve Simonyan, A Prayer

[ "Rage, that is love - rotten! / Rage, that is desire - rotten! / Rage! - like a prayer, unanswered, ricocheting from your ceiling and landing right onto your eyes, never quite reaching where it was meant to." ]

vii. FAUNTHEKiD

[ "being in close proximity to you / is being led to the slaughter / if that the lamb is aware is alive is accepting / if that the slaughter is love love love" ]

viii. Victoria Chang, Foghorn

[ "The great mystery / is whether I love you or / I just love mourning. / The absence of a laugh just / gone, and the air that fills it." ]

ix. unknown/Richard Siken, Crush

[ Silhouette of a boy looking downwards. Red streaks from the background spread outwards from the middle. "I'll be your / slaughterhouse, / your killing floor, / your morgue / and final resting" ]

x. Hala Alyan, I'm Not Speaking First

[ "Nothing's Freudian anymore. A cigar's a cigar. I want to love something / I want to love something without having to apologize for it. Please don't tell." ]

[mourningliliesmorningglories]

“And when broken bodies are washed ashore, who am I to ask for more, more, more?”

Regulus welcomed September. A new year is borne from another reckoning. Another storm is weathered, another tempest yet to come. He’s happy to leave home behind. His forearm will sting for eternity but it’s a small price to pay. He knows no one can find out about this or his greater intention. His plan is set - leave nothing behind. His mother never cared for the spare. He has no friends, no allegiances. He has one thing though, undefined and unfinished, a weakness. Regulus is too selfish to leave it behind just yet.

“But you're breathing in my open mouth, you're the gun in my lips that will blow my brains out.”

Regulus can only watch. He watches James at breakfast, at Quidditch. Their friendship is tentative at best and forbidden at worst. He waits for only one thing - their Wednesday night rendezvous in the astronomy tower. He never asks for more than he is given. Regulus knows that he can’t show just how much this means to him - anything he treasures will inevitably be taken away. He can do this. He can long from afar. He survives his mother. He survives the misunderstanding of his brother. So he can do this. Loving James is never something that needs to be survived, it’s a lifeline, a tether.

“I wanna make you drive all night just because I said, "Maybe you should come over"”

“You could just leave?” James’ voice is quiet, hesitant even. Again, it’s Wednesday so they’re perched in the astronomy tower like owls. It makes Regulus laugh that this is the only time he feels free - when he’s trapped on a ledge, with the boy who risks his best friend just to be here. It makes Regulus almost happy to harbour the fleeting thought that he is important to James. “I’m not Sirius.” Regulus’ voice is firm, resolute. He knows his brother’s intention - always took the fall, always shouldered the blame, always sought to mark the path for Regulus behind him. What Sirius didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. This conversation always makes its way back around. “It’s not a crime to leave something so terrible behind.” Regulus wishes he could believe James - if only he knew that the terrible things still await.

“Wanna make you fall in love as hard as my poor parents' teenage daughter.”

Another Wednesday. A repeat ritual except it is different. “She’s amazing.” His voice is rich and passionate. “She’s kind and smart and intelligent and just so, so pretty…” James’ voice trails off as Regulus pats his back sympathetically. This is all Regulus will allow himself. He doesn’t have much to say. Regulus will not beg for a love he doesn’t deserve. In fact he wouldn’t ever ask for much more than just company. He knows James deserves to be loved - a love that is pure and untainted. Regulus knows that he is ruined, that something so distorted and ugly could never exist in the bubble of James’ life. He looks at the blush on James’ cheeks and thinks of the girl who causes it. Regulus knows if he begs like a dog, surely he deserves to be put down like one too.

“She'll be the best you ever had if you let her.”

Lily watches James, the vacant stare present in his eyes. Every Wednesday night he’d go missing until Remus finally relented. Every Wednesday he’d go to the tower, just like he did before Regulus had left. Every Wednesday he’d sit on the ledge and wait to hear footsteps behind him. He’d wait for Regulus to sit down next to him and smile - like really smile, not just his usual smirk. Lily would gently rub her hands over James’ shoulders before resting next to him. She was used to the sharp inhale and soft exhale of disappointment. In this moment, and only this moment, she couldn’t be what James wanted. She wonders just how much love James has to give, if he can love someone and grieve another at the same time.