#『I stopped actively drawing and trying to improve after that』

[deadeyemarkxman]

.

[art]

Creator Spotlight: @chaaistheanswer

Hi everyone! I am Clara, but you can also call me chaa! I am a digital artist based in Auckland, New Zealand, with a bachelor’s degree in Creative Media Production. After graduating from uni, I moved out to pursue my art career and I’ve been a freelance digital artist ever since. I love concept art, especially character design! Creating characters influenced by my love for fantasy is what I live for. Thank you for stopping by, and I hope you enjoyed my art! And thank you, Tumblr, for this opportunity!

Check out our interview with Clara below!

Did you originally have a background in art? If not, how did you start?

I specialized in art in high school and have a bachelor’s degree in Creative Media Production from Massey University with an animation pathway. For our thesis film, which I worked on with several of my classmates, I took on the role of producer, art director, and concept artist. Our short film was featured in the Wellington Film Festival Terror-Fi in 2020. After graduating, I went on to become a freelance artist, but my goal is to work for the gaming industry as a character concept artist. Ever since I first picked up a pencil, I knew I wanted to become an artist!

Have you ever had an art block? If so, how did you overcome it?

Art block is quite common among artists, and unfortunately, I too have fallen prey to the affliction. I have several ways of overcoming art block: watching movies, playing games, reading, or going out for a drive with my sister. These are just a few things I love to do to help keep my creative juices flowing!

What is one habit you find yourself doing a lot as an artist?

I tend to obsessively research about completely unrelated topics while I draw. I find learning new things helps improve my concept designs, especially in creating backgrounds for my characters.

Over the years as an artist, what were your biggest inspirations behind your creativity?

Video games and anime were my biggest inspirations! Anything with a captivating story that’ll send me to the edge of my seat, and loveable characters. I’m particularly drawn to high and dark fantasy.

How has technology changed the way you approach your work?

Technology has made a huge impact on us artists over the last few years. I used to draw a lot on paper, but since getting a tablet, I find myself searching for the undo and redo buttons and even trying to zoom constantly while I draw on paper. I used to only draw for myself as well, but after posting my art online, I now have an audience to whom I can share my art. Because of this, I am able to earn a living doing what I love by creating illustrations for clients.

What is a recent creative project that you are proud of?

I am very proud of this recent commission I’ve done for a client! Fortunately, the piece turned out exactly how I wanted it to look, and my client was very happy with the result. I am also in the process of working on a Webtoon, which is going as smoothly as I hoped it would be before its re-release!

What advice would you give to younger you about making art that's personal or truthful to your own experiences?

The best advice I would give my younger self is to never hold back! Try not to think about the negatives of creating and sharing art that you believe in. Embrace vulnerability, and don’t be afraid to dig deep into your own emotions and experiences. Always explore, and don’t limit yourself to your own bubble. And most important of all, stay true to yourself! Stay true to your values and beliefs, and never compromise your own authenticity for the sake of pleasing others. Your art is a reflection of you as a person.

Who on Tumblr inspires you and why?

@yuumei-art has been an inspiration to me since my early Deviantart days. I admire how she uses her skills to focus on environmentalism and cyber activism. @nipuni is another inspiration of mine. I found her when I was in the process of recovering from Dragon Age Solavellan hell. I admire how she manages to capture faces well while also sticking to her style. Her paintings are so beautiful and very pleasing to my eyes!

Thanks for stopping by, Clara! If you haven't seen her Meet the Artist piece, be sure to check it out here. For more of Clara's work, follow her Tumblr, @chaaistheanswer!

[plz-help-meeee]

The shadows are my friends!!

Tw: Mention of suicide, cringe???, logic is none in, death,

A/n: this is my first fic, this is inspired by "get off my screen" by @matrixbearer2024 go check them out their really cool. I really did want to add more to this fic but I couldn't think of anything else so if you have question or have headcannons about this that you want to share you can send them to me.

Synopsis: just a normal teenage dirtbag who can also parts of hell without being dead.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚

It started small with seeing little shadow out of the corner of your eye, Thinking you saw a critter go under your chair but you thought this was all just normal stuff that people always see.

That was until you started to see the sky be a red color only for you to rub your eyes or look away and it to go back to normal. Strange tall figure walking by you and you turning back to see no one there.

One day when you were walking back home you saw what looked to be weird red demons and a wolf girl in an alleyway, you spied on them as they walked through a portal talking about having just finished a job.

You lean against the wall after they were gone, you should have been scared, you should have been panicking but a smile creeped its way up your face. Any other person would have been confused and terrified but to a suicidal teenage dirtbag like you this was the most exciting thing to happen in your dull life.

You started to stare up at the red sky longer wondering how long it would take for it to change back to normal, you drew the figures you would see trying to get as many details as you could get right.

You started to change, you started to say 'good morning' and 'I love you' in a more happy tone, you became for active in school.

You even made little horns made of cardboard and fabric in the style you saw the red demons had, you saw a figure who had spikes on their tail once and you decided to make a tail to go with the horns that looked like the figures, you know it was cringey but it made you happy.

You started to recognize the streets you'd frequently see specific figures at, you'd always see this tall owl thing walk down the street you walk down to get home, the demon you walk by who had spikes on his tail would walk down the park you go to to relax

One time you close enough to touch the spiked tail demon's hat, you got so excited, you started to try and touch every figure you walked by.

There was this one figure that stood still no walking by you, or scooting just out of sight, they were just standing there. The figure was tall, much taller then you, they color palette consisted of mostly blue, they had what looked to be fire as it's head, in fact it had three heads one in the middle and two on either side of it.

You were afraid to look away thinking it would disappear as soon as you did, you tried to reach out to touch one of the heads but you stopped when you heard a voice "Ozzie!!". You turned around to see who said that but you found nobody, the figure started to move and you were able to touch their arm just slightly.

You never really saw that figure again, but that was okay you had plenty of others you could see. You patted the tall owl things shoulder whenever you would walk by him on your way to school, you tipped the spiked tail demon's hat over his eyes for fun when you could.

You kept a journal were you wrote down which figures you passed by on what street and also drawings of the figures with little information panels besides the drawing, you named the owl thing towel (cause tall and owl, get it, I'm not funny I know) the spiked tail demon was named cowboy, the figure that had three fire heads was named Ozzie (Asmodeus???, no that would be absurd, right?)

Everything was going great and you started to improve, you got better at speaking to people, had gotten a better relationship with your mom, heck you even texted your brother the one person you said you would never want to see again.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚

Today you were walking to school like always, you got your backpack, ate your breakfast and got your lunch box. You said by to your mom and was about to leave but you got this gut feeling, something telling you to do something. You walk up to your mom who was on the phone and hugged her, "I love you mom" you said in a genuine voice.

Your mother looked surprised at your hug but decided to hug back, "I love you too baby" your mom said back with smile on her face. This was the first time you two had said you love each other without malice or irritation in your voices.

You walk outed of your house and to your school, on the way you patted towel's shoulder like usual and hummed a song. You were near the part were you had to cross the road.

You saw a little kid run into the street to chase after a duck toy they had, you noticed quicker then anyone that car was heading straight towards the kid. You reacted fast as you ran towards the child to get them out of the way.

You grabbed the kid's arm and pulled them close to you as you kneeled down to shield them. Thankfully the car the avoided you and the child by mere inches, you scoffed when you saw that the driver was on their phone through their car window.

The child looked upset "my-" "toy?" you cut the child off, "right here" you said as you showed them their duck toy that you managed to save in time. "You should really be more careful kid, your life cost more then some toy." you lectured the kid about safety, you felt like a hypocrite saying all this considering only a few months away you were ready to die at any time.

Your lecture stopped when you felt a cold metal press against your head, "you just can't seem to die can you?" a familiar voice said. You turned your head around slowly, "bro-" you were cut off as everything went black.

[shadale-s-safe-space]

I don't know much about you as a person, but from what I can gather you've had a long journey with art, but still have the motivation to continue even when its rough. I'm sure you didn't start out making masterpieces, so if its not too much trouble, do you have any advice for a 16 year old artist losing motivation? i feel like im stagnating right now and its awful

Idk man, all I can say is, draw watchu want without the care who's gonna see it or what they gonna say , commit to new ideas and care less about pleasing everyone, because I know that way too well, I started learning by drawing animals, flowers and nature, "you should draw something else", switches to furries " No you must do human portraits", draws humans *no one fuckin cares*, and I felt miserable drawing what I didn't want all the damn time just trying to please everyone and be liked, hell, I still do that sometimes cuz I'm a dumbass. When in reality, when you do your own thing is when you're the happiest, this internet bullshit? Yeah don't trust the likes and favs, people like what they find relatable, no one really knows how much time you've spent on your drawing or how much you love it, when a 5 min doodle you did could do more than a painting that took 2 whole days to complete just to be scrapped in a new speedy record, paint what you love for yourself and you only.

Don't be shy to learn new things, I have tons of stuff I don't post here cuz I know people wouldn't care about it, but here for this post, have this that I practiced when I felt too depressed to think of anything good and wanted to step back from the MD artstyle

You'll see, you'll thrive when you draw what you want, and get yourself a drawing buddy! That way you'll stop focusing on the internet and more on each other, and each other's improvement. Tbh I struggled with that one. Since everyone I had were not into art irl, I somehow managed to find someone after 10 years of drawing alone. I honestly wanted more people to join in and make an improvement circle, but unfortunately that never happened.

I found myself twice as productive now than ever, even though I'm not active here as much I am still drawing and making things, ofc giving you more comics! And other fun things in the future I hope.

If you're struggling to draw something just do it, man commit, i was uncomfortable drawing men and male characters for years, I've wasted so many years being "too uncomfortable" and draw a naked person like yeesh who fucking cares, it's for studying.

And ofc if you feel like you're not improving at all please, please experiment with your artstyle and try something new, please refresh your mind, I was stuck for years doing the same thing over and over, same colors, same 2px brush, drawing like a machine same shit over and over, I felt so stuck and lost, but also afraid to do something new, idk why, I guess I never felt good enough or deserving of it. I also didn't go to art school, I am NOT a professional, nor will i ever be in my opinion. Hell, me feeling like I'll never be good enough left me afraid to try and apply for art school, they were asking for sculptures, different mediums all that scary stuff and I was like, I don't.. know.. how to do those things... I can't build a portfolio in less than 3 months?!?! I don't even know how to use half of what they're asking for!!

In reality at the end of the day, art is what you make of it and no one can stop you, search for inspirations and don't be afraid to try, yes you'll fail fist 2 or 10 or hell even 100 times, but you'll come back with more knowledge than ever.

For ending I give you the most confusing drawing to ever exist [dw he's just sleeping on top of her and she's just ghasping for air but awe romance or sum lol] is it weird? Yeah but I had a fun time making it hahaha

Idk I'm bad at putting my thoughts together, but hopefully some of this helps.

[seriouslysnape]

Snowed In

Severus Snape x Fem! Reader

Warnings: None.

Word Count: 1.2k

“For your sake, I surely hope not.”

“The snow isn’t going anywhere, my love. You might as well get some enjoyment from it.” Severus called to you, not once looking up from the newspaper in his hands. 

It wasn’t uncommon to experience multiple days of snowfall during the late/early months of the year. It was an annual occurrence, and one that you had become accustomed to over the course of your life. It wasn’t that you didn’t enjoy the wintery flurries and frost. As a matter of fact, you always welcomed the initial snowy weather with open arms. The snow and ice brought all kinds of activities that the spring and summer couldn’t offer – sledding, ice skating, hot chocolate, snowmen building competitions, you name it. 

The part that you didn’t quite love was the cabin fever that often came with it. 

At this point, the snow had packed together and accumulated to the point where it was too dangerous to venture outside, leaving you completely snowed in. This was day three of being stuck indoors, and you were beginning to feel the starting point of insanity. It was maddening to know that you literally could not leave for any reason whatsoever. There wasn’t enough entertainment in the world to appease your boredom – and there was no end to this snow storm in sight. 

Severus was faring much better than you were. Severus, being the extreme introvert that he was, found this to be the perfect scenario. He had been as happy as a clam over the last few days. He was relaxed, at ease, and satisfied. It wasn’t lost on him that you were struggling to find the positive in this situation. It would be at least another few days before it would be deemed safe to return to the outside world, so he was doing his best to keep you content. 

You didn’t step away from the window that you had been staring out of for the last 10 minutes, thinking that maybe the snow would magically stop fluttering down from the endless gray skies if you stared long enough. It didn’t work.

“I feel like I’m going to explode.” You stated, continuing to stare out over your backyard that was unrecognizable due to the blankets of pure white snow.

“Oh, wouldn’t that be a shame?” Severus remarked plainly.

He continued to read his copy of The Daily Prophet despite your irritated reaction to his sarcastic comment. In all honesty, you knew that you were driving him crazy. The stress and anxiety that you were releasing into the air was putting a damper on his idea of a vacation. 

“This is torture. I can’t do this.” You groaned, pulling away from the window and turning back to face the interior of your living room. 

Severus noted the genuine distress in your voice, and opted to try a different approach rather than being a smart aleck.

“Darling, why don’t you draw the curtains and come sit? You won’t feel any better by watching the storm go by.” Severus took a long, buffering sip from his cup that was in his free hand. 

He was right after all. There wasn’t a single thing that you could do to improve this predicament. If you were patient enough, then you might actually get some recharge and relaxation from this. You shuffled to the sofa, crashing onto the open spot next to him with a sigh. He set his beverage on the coffee table in front of you, and used his open arm to pull you into him. He could feel how stiff you were from being so uneasy, and he couldn’t help but feel sympathetic. 

It bugged him that you weren’t comfortable in his home. He had worked hard to create a safe, inviting space for the both of you. Now you were clearly uneasy, and that wasn’t what he wanted.

“Would you like me to read you the Quidditch scores?” He offered, looking at you with genuine kindness.

“Please.” You recited. 

He chuckled when he pressed a kiss to your temple, and he worked his arm around you to turn the page to the sports section of the paper. The two of you enjoyed following pro-Quidditch, and he found that this would be a great way to take your mind off of your cabin fever. He paraphrased as he skimmed through the column.

“Last Saturday’s match between the Magpies and the Cannons….” He trailed off to find the scoring chart. “The Magpies won with a final score of-”

“Do you think that we’ll have another snow storm this winter?” You blurted out suddenly, and almost in a bit of a panic.

Taken aback by suddenly being interrupted, Severus missed what you had asked.

“What?” 

“Snow storm. Blizzard. Do you think we’ll have another this year?” You repeated.

“Potentially, I suppose. I don’t rightly know,” Severus answered. “For your sake, I surely hope not.”

That hadn’t been a very definite answer. You needed to know if you were going to be forced to endure this universe punishment again so you could prepare. You didn’t say anything else, and Severus went back to reading. 

“The Magpies won against the Cannons with a final score of 148-110,” He read. He turned to the next page to read the next set of scores. “Also from Saturday, the Catapults came through with a neck-in-neck score of-”

“Severus!” You screeched abruptly, causing him to flinch at your sharp tone and swift movement.

His heartbeat reacted to the alarming stimulation by speeding up in his chest. 

“Darling, what is the matter with you?” He questioned, discarding the newspaper completely.

“What if the storm lets up right before the weekend?” You ignored his question and posed one of your own.

Severus blinked at you. You had really lost your mind this time. 

“What about it?” He brought his hand to your face to brush a few stray hairs away from your eyes.

“If the storm ends before the weekend, then we’re stuck here for another two days because it’s the WEEKEND!” You wailed.

Severus couldn’t help but laugh. This had really started to get to you.

“I promise that I’ll take you to Hogsmeade for a drink if that’s the case. I won’t allow you to be subjected to any more of this,” He assured. “Come on. Sit back.”

With hesitance, you joined Severus once again in settling back against the cushions. You couldn’t fathom how a seemingly never ending snowstorm could get you so worked up.

 It was fine. This was fine. A roof over your head? Yes. Plenty of food and other basic necessities of life? Check. The love of your life at your side? Absolutely.

Everything that you needed was present and right where you needed it. As long as the two of you were safe, that was all that mattered. A long exhale from your chest physically released the tension from your muscles. One second at a time, and you’d be calmed down in no time. Severus didn’t speak again until you were snuggled up next to him, and he was sure that you weren’t going to have a complete breakdown on him.

“Are you alright?” He asked, turning his body slightly to get a better look at you.

“I’m okay. I think I’ll make it.” You answered, meeting his gaze.

“Are you absolutely sure, my love?” He double checked.

You pressed a kiss to his cheek, causing a hot blush to creep onto his face. You couldn’t hide the amusement in your tone as you spoke next, hardly even remembering the frightful weather outside.

“Yes, I’m sure. Now let’s hear those Quidditch scores again.”

[tumanlll]

Something happened last night that I couldn't even dream of. There are 100 of you gathered in my warm corner of creativity, silence and fog…

To be honest, when I created this blog, I didn't know where to go. I've been trying to develop on Instagram and Vkontakte for a long time, but I've been developing very slowly, bursts of activity have been rare, which just allowed me to improve my skill.

However, here.. At first, I was in the shadows and drawing for myself, I didn't hope for any audience, when suddenly something changed, and I had you. Those who, with every response to my work, kindled the fire of creativity in me, lit sparks in my eyes, pushed me to new ideas and concepts. I was able to try something new for myself, thanks to you and your support, I entered a new stage of progress in my style. I was in the art block for a whole year after I held an exhibition of paintings in my city, after that I stopped painting because I fell out of life and was busy with my studies, personal life and work, but my hands remember everything…. You can't imagine how you support me…I have never seen such activity in the field of my creativity. I feel like I can do more than that. I also want to say the same sincere thanks to those whom I managed to find on this network. My friends (you know who I'm talking about). Your work, mutual desire in communication, the words that you say, you awaken inspiration and motivation in me incredibly strongly. You have become important people to me in my soul.

It's been a long time since I've been so immersed in creativity… It's been so long since I've felt so complete. My hands can't do without drawing, so I started working hard, creating, and still haven't given it up for a long time thanks to you.

I'm not fully used to hearing warm words yet, I fall into a stupor every time or hang over the monitor for a while, but I'm sure I'll react like the first time every time, because for me it's something special, valuable.

I will continue to work hard to improve my skills, please you and evoke vivid emotions, I love you very much and kiss everyone on the forehead 🫶

[abbeyofcyn]

Heya! I’m going around and asking a bunch of my favorite Tmnt artists the same questions out of curiosity

How did you discover/get into Tmnt?

When did you start drawing/actively start trying to improve your art?

It was a warm summer's day in August 2022 when I was hiding in the darkness of my home. Oh how bored I was as summer slipped away and I wished to do something more than stare at the ceiling.

I opened Netflix after ages of ignoring it and then I saw.

A trailer.

Bright colours flashing on my screen. Action scenes so intriguing I had to know more.

But... it was tmnt and... well ugh I never cared for tmnt.

But it looked so good...

I could try? Maybe it wasn't that bad? I could always turn it off...

Anyhow flash forward to now and it seems I've got a new hyper focus that has hit me hard and got me to actually draw fanart and even worse...fanfics

----

As for drawing, my mum told me that I drew as soon as I could hold a pencil. I remember drawing daily for years until...hm...13 years ago? I gradually stopped and often didn't draw more than once a year with a few revivals here and there.

With some pushing from others I started drawing again at the start of this year and boy I never expected to draw almost daily again. Let alone fanart which I almost never drew! (I only have some very old final fantasy and kingdom hearts fanart)

I uh... should actively try to improve my art but unfortunately I don't like making mistakes and you need to make those to improve instead of only drawing what's already familiar and safe. I also wish I could get feedback but my rl friends just like everything and although that's super sweet it won't help me get better 🙈

[lesuccube]

➚ 𝐅𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐄𝐑 : ᴍᴀʀᴄ ꜱᴘᴇᴄᴛᴏʀ — ʀɪɢʜᴛ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴ , ɴᴏ ᴛɪᴍᴇ

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 — secrets long kept revealed between bodies dancing together .

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 — angst bug [ read at your own risk ! ]

𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 — not beta'd , constructive criticism is welcomed . reblogs and comments are appreciated .

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 — 3.3k

another night, another mission accomplished.

holed up in your hotel room somewhere in switzerland, you and marc finally rest. at least try to. you've known marc for some time now, you've been friends since you joined the military the same year.

he was quite the man to befriend that time but you wouldn't give up on him... you figured that's why he gave in and just let you in his life, because you wouldn't give up on him even if he pushed you away or ignored you. you would just keep coming back.

marc once called you 'an extremely stupid idiot', stressing the word extremely, when you wordlessly joined him on becoming a mercenary.

in the beginning, he often asked you why you'd give up your perfectly fine position in the army for a job that took care of people regardless of whether or not they were good or bad. your answer? 'i don't want you to have to do things alone anymore.' because that's the kind of man marc spector looked like to you: a man used to the life of solidarity and isolation.

you had no desire to change who he was, it was the reason you were so drawn to him back when you two were soldiers, so withdrawn from social gatherings whenever your barracks would hang out for some well deserved TGIFS, marc always stayed behind. or when he does join in every once in a while, he'd always drink by himself on the farthest end of the table.

but you were fine with him like that. your comrades would often call you foolish for even trying but you don't care. you still don't.

you'd take a seat next to him silently, enjoying your own drink and occasionally making or attempting to make small talk with him. it took him a while to warm up to you, nearly a year in service when one friday night as your group once more were enjoying their beers, marc had answered one of your silly questions you tended to ask whenever you would sit next to him.

"which animal do you think would suit you? personally i think you'd get along well with a dog. you're an active guy so you'd probably like doing walks or jogs at the park with one. hm, you'd probably pick a labrador or k9. dobermans would suit you too y'know? you'd both have that dark and intimidating look. or would you rather a cat? since you're like... a social recluse you'd like an introverted animal as well? i mean, it's plausible. i heard a cat's purr helps heal like aches in the body and they generally improve one's mood. yeah, a cat works too. might make you less grumpy—"

"a goldfish." you finally turned around to face him, your eyes wide and disbelieving because did the marc spector finally speak to you? yes, yes he did. and his answer wasn't even included in your previous rambling. "a goldfish..?" you had asked, like you weren't quite sure you heard him right.

he nods at you after glancing in your way for a brief moment. "yeah." you grinned widely at that even if it was only a one word response. "really? how come?" he sighed, putting his drink down, watching the condensation drip down the side of his glass.

"my little brother used to draw this one-finned goldfish when we were kids." this was the first time marc shared personal information with you, well, to be honest this was the first time he actually spoke to you.

"you have a younger brother?" you asked. he stayed silent this time, reverting back to his usual stoic facade. but you can see the way his jaw clenched and his eyebrows knitting, creasing the skin in between.

by then you had figured out that the topic of his younger brother was a sore spot, like a fresh wound, open and profusely bleeding.

normal people would stop talking after seeing the person they're talking to becomes unresponsive to anything you say but not you. not you. you just kept talking as always, listing off the pros and cons of owning a goldfish.

"what are you thinking about?"

marc moves behind you from where you stood by the large mirrors that showcased the nightlife of the small village. where it was, you don't really remember.

you only hum as response, not taking your eyes off the view below. it's not until he rests his hand on your hip, the small touch setting sparks on your skin as it fills you with warmth do you finally turn your head to face him. "it's nothing," you reassure him but you're still somewhat distracted, still reminiscing. "just... thinking."

he raises a curious brow at that, standing next to you as he takes in the city lights as well, much like you did before except now your eyes are on him. you watch his side profile, brows set in its usual straight line, eyes still dark yet it shines with the reflection of the bright lights and his lips pursed. he's relaxed though, you can tell from the way his shoulders lose its usual tenseness and his breathing is even, steady. he's not posed to fight, still alert but at ease nonetheless.

"you sure?" he asks, a small smirk on his face when he notices you staring. you avert your gaze this time, a faint cherry shade on your cheeks. "i'm sure."

on this job you two took, you were only meant to intimidate the archeologists on the dig site in egypt when your partner for the job had shot one of the hostages. that was the first strike.

marc and you had secretly plotted to help them escape. you set a getaway car from what was already on the site, ready to get you all to safety and away but when you had thought you were at a safe distance, bullets ricochet off the car's body until one manages to hit one of its tires and sending you all toppling out of the vehicle in various directions.

unfortunately, you had remained trapped inside it, the seatbelt you had strapped keeping you locked in place in the turned car, hanging you upside down. sticky liquid oozed from an open wound on your head, vision swimming and muddled as you attempted to look around and assess the damage. well, tried to.

you're pretty sure you have a concussion and you probably broke some of your ribs too making it hard for you to breathe through the smoke and sand.

you can't find marc, can't hear him either as gunshots after gunshots echo in the desert, the screams and pleas of the archeologists you were helping escape ring in your ears. he caught up with you and was killing off every single soul you tried to save. only now do you pray he doesn't find you trapped in the car.

your consciousness begins to fade in and out as the desert becomes quiet once again, like the sand has swallowed all that made noise. the oil leaks from somewhere in the car, and you can barely see the flames licking the side of the vehicle. you hear your door being ripped from its hinges, tossed aside somewhere but you're so exhausted, adrenaline wearing off as fatigue settles in your bones.

you barely catch a glimpse of a white figure carrying you to safety, all your weary self saw are two pairs of glowing eyes, like the moon hanging high in the sky above you before you finally lose consciousness.

marc saved you that night in the desert, told you about the deal he made with the egyptian god khonshu and how he accepted becoming his avatar and be his fist of vengeance, protecting the travelers of the night. but of course he couldn't say all that without revealing to you his past, his brokenness.

he told you about the death of his younger sibling roro, the abuse he faced from his mother after that and steven. his alter, his dissociative identity disorder. you knew it all. the only person marc had spilled everything to. you. and much like your time together in the military, you continued top accept him as he is, embraced all the parts of him, good and bad because you can never stand the thought of marc going through everything alone anymore.

you stayed much to his surprise. he'd expected you to up and leave him after you've recovered but you stayed even after that. that's when marc had finally realized you'd be by his side no matter what.

even if you can't see the 7 foot tall skeleton bird that loomed over marc constantly, he always snitches to you what khonshu says just to piss him off and make you laugh. you still helped marc with his vigilantism, though no longer fighting next to him as much as you used to much to your dismay. instead, you were the one who formed networks, did all the social and background work.

you'd be the one to book flights and hotels for you two, under the pretense of a married couple like your fake passport says to avoid suspicion.

you weren't his wife. that much was true. after that night in the desert, he told you that he was seeing a woman, layla el-fouly. you recognized the last name from one of the men that died in the hands of your supposed partner.

you chalk it up to guilt, keeping quiet about it and only congratulating him for that. you even teased him about cheating on you since you're no longer the only woman he was spending time with. he laughed and told you that you were irreplaceable. but not in the sense your heart wanted.

you loved marc a long time ago. maybe it started when you had finally managed to crack him open a little bit that one friday night, maybe it was when he saved you in the desert. all you knew was that you loved him.

you loved him and you'll never be with him. not when layla was now in the picture. he became happier, though obviously never told her what he told you back then, marc kept her in the dark about his past.

you've only met her once in person. that was during their wedding. to say that a part of you died the moment you saw them kiss was an understatement. it left a part of your soul empty, consumed by a void of jealousy and b yearning. you desperately wished that was you in a pretty dress standing next to him as you both said your vows, kissing him until he was left breathless.

you were introduced to her as his best friend. best friend. never did you think that those words would bother you so much when you once took pride in your position in marc's life.

"layla, this is my best friend, y/n. i've known her since i joined the army and we've worked together since then." you stretch a friendly hand out for her to shake, a smile on your lips as you greeted her. "it's lovely to finally meet you y/n! marc won't shut up about you."

the statement makes your heart skip a beat but you tell yourself to calm down, he doesn't mean it that way. "you too layla. marc shows me all the pictures you two take whenever i see him, you two make such a cute couple."

lies. in your mind, they won't last. not unless marc ever tells her about what had happened, his did and the abused he faced as a child, she'll be forever be in the dark or accidentally trigger him in one way or another.

after their first dance as a married couple, marc made a beeline for you, taking your hand in his larger ones as he led you to the dance floor. you danced together as you rest your head on his shoulder, one hand sprawled on your lower back as you gently swayed to the music, your other hands intertwined as he leads you both.

"so..." you started, "marriage. wow. that's like super next level huh?" you can feel his chest rumble with quiet laughter, his hold on your hand tightening. "yeah. super next level indeed. i never- i didn't think i'd ever get married but i guess life still manages to surprise me."

it makes you snort out a chuckle, to which you hastily cover with a cough, not that either of you minded. "you and me both marc. didn't peg you as a husband material."

another lie. you had definitely imagined a life together, much like the one he'll be sharing with layla.

you two continued to dance in silence after that, enjoying the music as you swayed together. only you wished you weren't just his guest, rather the woman he married. layla will never know how much you envy her.

"how's layla?" your question breaks the silence between you as you continue to look down at the city lights below. "she's... fine. we're fine." now that makes you look back at him, an inquisitive look in your eyes. the last sentence was... unnecessary.

you had simply wondered about layla's well-being, not the state of their marriage but now you're beginning to doubt his statement about their relationship being fine. "fess up marc, what's wrong?"

hands on your hips, an eyebrow raised, like a mother waiting for his child to confess. he releases a sigh, head hanging low as he crosses his arms over his chests, like he's protecting himself. something marc does when he's uncomfortable.

"she still doesn't know?" his jaw clenches, like that time you asked about his brother, and that's when you knew you hit the jackpot. "layla needs to know marc. it's better she hears from you rather than finding out about it in a way that's out of your control."

he grunts, he knows you're right, knows he should let his wife know about his condition, him being moon knight and everything he's kept a secret so far. but he can't, he wanted something normal and away from everything he knows. layla was his tiny bubble of obliviousness and to tell her about himself was to burst that bubble and he wasn't ready. he thinks he'll never be prepared to.

instead, he leans his head on your shoulder as your hands naturally find their way to his hair like second nature, raking your fingers through the slicked back curls, letting a few of them come undone and fall over his forehead. "don't wanna." was his only answer and that was the end of it. you don't push it much further, instead choosing to relish his closeness, his breathing brushing against the skin of your exposed shoulder.

you two should be strategizing about your plan for tomorrow, to steal the scarab that leads to ammit's tomb from arthur harrow in the tiny village here in switzerland before he ends up releasing her in the world and cause the deaths of millions not doing whatever it is that you were doing. cuddling? that's not something you two had done since his wedding, respecting the new boundary that was drawn between you. another barrier you'll never be able to cross.

unexpectedly, marc takes hold of one of your hands, the other finding its way around your back until it rests there. there was no music to guide you two, only your heartbeats as he sways you two, the same way he did on his wedding night.

"does layla ever hate me sometimes?" you questioned not too long after but you don't give him enough time to reply when you continue. "she knows i work with you, go to places with you and everything... makes me wonder if there was a part of her that curses me out for spending more time with you than you do with her."

you feel the faint brush of his lips on the exposed skin of your shoulder as he speaks in a hushed whisper, eliciting a hum from you, 'let's not talk about her right now.' he begs, so you remain quiet, simply dancing with him under the dim lights of your hotel room.

your heart speaks and you shush it, not wanting to ruin this tiny moment you have with marc. who knows when you'll get him this close again?

your mouth parts and your voice echoes in your ears before you can stop yourself, the words already hanging over the palpable tension between you two.

"i love you."

he freezes in his steps and about to raise his head from its spot on your shoulder until your grip on his hand tightens, his movements halting.

"since when?" he asked, his tongue heavy in his mouth. "since way back then." came your vague response, never specifying because even you don't know when it was exactly that you had fallen in love with him, before you knew it, you were already in too deep with your feelings for you to be able to swim back out. "i'm sorry for confessing so suddenly. i just— i needed to tell you before it consumes me whole."

you lead this time, continuing your paused dance. he follows soon enough, recovering from the shock of the knowledge that his best friend had just confessed her love to him. "you don't have to say anything marc. i know my place in your life and i would never want to jeopardize that. i guess i've held on it for so long it only felt right that you knew."

silence hangs over you like a tumultuous storm, the thunder being the rapid pounding of your heart against its confines. "why didn't you say something before..." he trails off, unable to finish his question. before i married layla. "i didn't know you'd look for her either marc. i planned to but i couldn't. not when it meant hurting an innocent woman too."

a shaky sigh leaves your lips as you finish, tears stinging the back of your eyes as you try to keep your composure, not wanting marc to see how hurt you are after all these years. how much it hurt that he didn't choose you.

"i love you." you repeat, this time as a finality. finally choosing to let go of the feelings you've held on to for years, unable to be anything more than a friend. "i love you marc spector."

you mean it this time as you sway gently to nothing, in your tiny hotel room somewhere in switzerland. your confession looms over you the same way khonshu does over marc. a daunting shadow you'll never be able to ignore. it hurts, saying those three words out loud but at the same time, freeing.

like a heavy burden off your chest only to leave a part of your heart with it, an empty chasm where his name should rest replaces it. you promised, you told yourself not to but marc spector completed you. he made you whole unlike any other as he holds you in this soft dance.

how bittersweet, the two times you've danced with marc leaving new wounds over old scars. how liberating the pain felt but how utterly empty it left you. being second doesn't feel the same.

"i'm sorry but i fell in love tonight, i didn't mean to fall in love tonight."

marc looks at you this time, an unreadable emotion swimming in those dark pools of chocolate and soil. "you're looking like you fell in love tonight." you teased with a watery smile, lips wobbling as you do so. marc opens his mouth, his voice barely audible, if not for your closeness you wouldn't be able to hear him at all.

"can we pretend that we're in love?"

[jils-things]

happy new year! ; my farewell letter to 2023.

last year, ive written a similar farewell letter to 2022 and i want to make this a little tradition - so here's my second one <3

okay, so - wow. first of all, just wow.

this might be incredibly bold to say, but i think this has been my best year to be alive (i promise you i do not want to sound corny about it, but i really think 2023 was amazing for me.) of course, many things happened. im at my last year of senior high before i go to college, which is very scary but i hope i can be brave for it. school has been actually very generous to me recently, despite a few minor setbacks that looked very major when i was going through it, but overall it was very generous to me. but irl rambling is boring, so let's talk about my selfshipping blog!

last year, i had a verrrry firm grip on a previous f/o that im 100% sure old followers know - though im a little sad I can't find that spark to focus on him again - the shift in media has helped me find new f/os that i can say has been incredibly memorable to me. as we all know, im in a very INSANE pokemon brainrot since november or october(?) of 2022 and it has still remained heavily active in my head right now - which i honestly didn't even know i had the full capacity of doing! I don't know what magic this game did to me but i promise you im so happy i revisited this game again.

i would talk about how grateful i am to everyone has been supportive and sweet about my romantic f/os but i think the best highlight of my blog is my newfound love for my familial f/os - before that, i never had a single one on my list because i was simply quite disconnected to the family love concept, but after indulging myself in pokemon - i would come to discover pokemon adve.ntures, or poke.spe for short hehe. i have so many fond memories of finding myself wanting to read more and MORE - i would have every chapter downloaded beforehand just so that i can read it in my spare time, not even school that demanded my attention would stop me from sneaking my phone to quickly read through the manga LMAOO - but consuming the media itself wasn't enough, i needed people to understand the ROLLERCOASTER of emotions i had while reading and well, i think its very clear who those people were, the ones who came to save my miserable ass from (insert shocking scene in poke.spe) AHSJHSHSJSJS you know who you are and i appreciate you forever and they - i kid you not, helped me create something wonderful!

but of course, the video games were just as amazing. would you believe me if i told you i played gens 1 to 7 in one year? that's how much i adore the game and i still have yet to catch up to other games like the spin offs :] im not sure how to end this statement but. im so happy appleshipping and memoryshipping exists 🥹 i usually don't like thinking that they'll be with me forever because i believe nothing lasts for eternity but i just wanna say that they were just ... im just so contented 🥹 again, all of this actually would not have been so impactful to me if it weren't for my awesome mutuals hearing me out about it and supplying me with even more ideas - these mutuals would also end up becoming such loving friends of mine that helped me get out of my comfort zone and im still happy they're around (hi guys!) 💚

oh! and, what a surprise, i never thought id have an oc f/o! i initially thought that this was so impossible to do but?!??;?! it just happened i guess!!!! i keep surprising myself this year 😭

ok now here's the obligatory art summary for the year 💥

literally the best thing i ever done with my art is try using csp and it actually really helped me change the way i draw, and i even managed to cross out a few items in my last year's resolution thanks to it! i still bounce between using ibispaint and csp but i certainly improved!

the last thing im forever grateful about are the people who has been consistently supportive of my art - especially the commissions, i can't stress it enough how much it has helped me outside and it allowed me to go beyond my comfort zone when it comes to my drawing skills :']] thank you all so much

and finally, big thank you to everyone who sent me nice letters to my tree 🥹💚 its a gentle reminder that im actually ... pretty cool ig 🥹 and if you didn't send one, that's also ok!! you're still cool for reading this mwamwa

again im so bad at ending posts like these but cheers to a new year and let's hope it'll be better for everyone. 💚🫡 goodbye 2023!

[urfavsho]

Hacketts Quarry summer love

Fluff

Rylan

2.2k words

Okay so i totally got this idea from this post!

I think it would be fun to try and challenge myself to write some bits and pieces i think would have happened to their relationship over the two month period!! So here i am..attempting that idea. It’s kinda in the form of multiple one-shots? However, it’s been a long time since i’ve written so if its horrible, i apologize profusely <3

Day One of Camp

Starting P.O.V: dylan

Dylans been on a cramped mini-van with the other counselors for about an hour or two now, Hes yet to learn all of their names yet, but two of the counselors stuck out to him. Ryan and Kaitlyn. They had a sort of enticing energy to them, the vibe where you could spend hours talking about how mysterious and interesting the two seemed; Kaitlyn had a very loud, spunky, and no cares given personality to her, whilst Ryan was a loner and rather vague dude.

Dylan looked around inside the mini-van as he soon realized that they were close to Hacketts Quarry, unplugging his headphones and turning the phone off to look out the windows at the scenery presenting itself before himself. The soft orange shimmer of the sun was beautifully illuminating the agricultural landscape, it was comforting to see the squirrels run across the bushes every now and than, to see all of the animals in the vast forest of Hacketts.

“ Wow..this is perfect!! ” a semi-loud voice yanked Dylan out of his daydreaming as he began to look around himself. Abigail, or Abi for short, was the one who broke the loud silence in the car; she grabbed her sketchbook out of her bag and started drawing away. Dylan decided to inch closer towards her and watch her etch away on the paper “ You know..you’re like..uh..Picasso! “ He said out loud, Dylan was trying to start a conversation, but with the snort and weird look she gave him..it’s a 50/50 chance on whether or not it was effective.

“ Alright counselors! We are here at THE Hacketts Quarry! “ Mr. Hs’ voice boomed and the van soon slowed to a stop infront of the lodge. Dylan waited his turn as everyone soon piled out of the van, the last one out before Dylan was Ryan. The pairs hands slightly grazed one another as they got out of the van, a rush of electricity bolted up Dylan’s body and he felt a hot blush rise to his face. This was the first time when Dylan could remember a deeper attraction developing on Ryan.

Week 2 of camp

Starting P.O.V: Ryan

It’s been about two weeks since Ryan has been at camp. As Ryan begun to teach the younger kids and campers about sailing techniques. However, today was different, he had to do some of the scheduling plans with Dylan. The loner woke up early today, around 6:15 am, and got ready. The duo decided to meet up in the library today, however, it was mainly Dylan who coordinated the meetup, Ryan had expected an outdoor area so he was grateful Dylan had chosen a calm area. After a few minutes of walking around the camp, Ryan soon made it to the library and saw Dylan waiting for him. Dylan had a flower-style hairpin in his hair to hold his bangs back, a bunch of notebooks scattered around the table ,and some apple juice boxes. It was a sight to see.

“ Yo Dylan, ” Ryan said as he approached him, the tall boy smiled and leaned back in his chair. “ Wassup, big guy! ” Dylan responded with a cheerful grin, Ryan rolled his eyes and sat down next to him before grabbing his own schedule book out along with pens and other various items “ ..So we’re scheduling out this week’s sailing plans right? ” Ryan asked as he soon trailed off and admired Dylan’s colorful organization of notes, they were color-coded, sticker coded in a way, and everything had little bulletin points underneath to explain something further; the organization wasn’t just for schedules, but it also was for improvement ideas for certain areas of camp, activities for the kids, gift bags to be made at the end of the summer, and even every counselor/campers birthday so he remembered. Ryan was sure there was more to be found within the countless books, but- “ Ryan! ”

Oh. Right. Ryan snapped back into focus and looked at Dylan “ Yes? ” Dylan rolled his eyes and laughed, his hands came up to slightly cover his smile. It was the sweetest smile Ryan had ever seen. “ Okay, so the reason you are here with me today is so we can get that messy brain of yours under control ! ” As Dylan continued explained why Ryan needed to be organized, Ryan felt himself getting lost more and more in the taller boys big, beautiful brown eyes, he had light freckles dusting his cheeks. Ryan had never noticed that til today. Their knees slowly grew closer and closer over the time they spent as the pair made sure to schedule the “sailing” plans.

Week 4 of Camp

P.O.V: Dylan and Ryan

Two weeks after their last encounter, Mr.H had announced to Dylan to promote the swim party happening tomorrow. Of course, Dylan broadcasted the exciting event during the daily morning announcements, he explained all of the details and fun activities happening at the party. The campers were eager for the next day to come, they couldn’t wait and kept pestering Dylan about what food was going to be at the party if they could do a bonfire afterward, and even asked if they could roast marshmallows! Ryan soon picked up on the consistent questioning from the ecstatic kids, he quickly stepped in to try and ease the pressure from Dylan.

“ Hey, if you monsters don’t stop asking about the party I might have to cancel it. So head out to the lodge for lunch. “ Ryan quickly remarked in a teasing tone, instant whines and groans came from the campers as they scurried off into the lodge. Dylan stared at Ryan for a second before he reached and gently patted the boys shoulder, a bright smile resting on the taller boy’s face. “ Haha..thanks for the help!! Those kids can be SO persistent. “ Dylan thanked Ryan and began to retract his hand before running a few fingers in his own hair. “ They just can’t resist Dylan. “ Ryan glanced up at Dylan slightly and let out a short chuckle, he shook his head and walked away.

“ Yup. “As dylan watched Ryan walk away he felt a quick increase in the patter of his heart, did he really just make THE Ryan Ezrahler laugh and smile? He must dreaming!! Dylan laughed to himself and patted his hands against the sides of his legs, he felt a heat rising to his cheeks as he indulged more and more into the thought of Ryan. “ Dylan! “ Kaitlyns loud voice awoke Dylan out of his thoughts and he cleared his throat before looking over at her. “ Oh! Uhm, yes? “ Dylan said as he saw Kaitlyn shake her head before she started to tell Dylan that he needed to come into the lodge and eat.

Week 6 of camp

Starting P.O.V : Ryan

The morning was easy and slow enough, Ryan didn’t have any “classes” starting til around 11:30 so he decided to take it easy and listen to his new podcast obsession, Bizarre Yet Bonafide. As Ryan started his walk around the camp he came across Dylan’s small group of counselors (around 8 kids) Ryan wondered what they were doing out and about on the rocky road trail, the nature walks weren’t planned for another two days.

Deciding to end his pointless wondering, Ryan walked up to the group and stood off to the side as he listened to Dylan ramble on about how the group was going to surprise Abi with the sticks, rocks, and leaves for some sort of art activity. Listening to the taller boy talk with so much passion was a new perspective for Ryan, most of the time Dylan could be perceived as a quick, witty, smart-ass so seeing him take a more appreciative approach to something was a completely unexpected experience to witness. Eventually, Dylan realized Ryan standing off to the side of the group and stammered mid-sentence. “ And that’s why- oh! Uh, hi Ryan “ The words came out as a jam before Ryan interrupted him. “ I was just wondering what you were doing, but after 5 minutes of you talking. I think i got my answer “ Ryan’s words came out rude, but his tone was rather sweet in a way. “Oh yeah, that makes sense..” Dylan diverted his eyes away from Ryan’s and scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment.

“ Well if you want to join us you can? “ Dylan’s suggestion of joining the group surprised Ryan, he stood for a moment before shrugging and walking up closer to Dylan and the group. “ Sure, why the hell not? “ The words spoken by Ryan made the youngsters gasp and make various Ooos, Ahhs, and giggles, Dylan himself joined in on the teasing and he gently nudged Ryan. “ That goes against camp policy sir, watch the tongue! “

The teasing normally would have been slightly annoying to Ryan, but he didn’t feel any discomfort from the comments, just more of a warm fuzzy feeling. The group, now with a new member, finished their scavenger hunt for the gift to Abi and headed their way to the Art Cabin. Ryan and Dylan unlocked the door, made sure everyone made it in and they started to put together the gift basket of various leaves, rocks, sticks, and flowers. Once finished, Ryan took a step back with the kids and smiled softly “ Nice. “ he said quietly before turning around and giving all the kids high-fives for their hard work “ Go to the cafeteria, I’ll get you guys some juice boxes for your hard work “ Ryans offer made the kids smile and cheer in excitement as they piled out of the room and headed over to the cafeteria. Sighing in relief, Ryan turned to face Dylan and leaned against one of the desks slightly. “ We did awesome huh? “ Dylan asked Ryan with a shit-eating grin, Ryan tilted his head slightly and nodded in agreement. “ Yup. “

And that’s it!! I could write way more, but i feel like i’ve already gotten sort of ooc for these two. I enjoyed writing it a lot, there’s so much fluff opportunities for these two dorks so i love mixing the pot and making some!! Hope you enjoyed and leave any tips or criticisms in the comments <3

[seaseraphic]

A new personal best- I'm on a winning streak! Used this lovely drawing for reference.

A dear friend of mine asked if I could post my art and I do thrive off validation so, post I shall. Showing off my work is what this blog is for anyway.

Where I'm at with my art right now (and more recent sketches) below the cut.

If you are a frequent reader of my tag rambling on my main, you might have seen me mention how little I've been able to draw over the past few years but also that I'm finally turning that around.

The power of Baldur's Gate 3 and Loving Astarion somehow tipped the scale for me and gave me the drive I needed to sit down and actually work on improving my art. Even before I stopped drawing altogether I'd been unhappy with my art for some time, feeling that it had completely stagnated and, after trying nothing, it didn't improve. So I actually went back to look at some fundamentals and gods. I wildly underestimated how much I needed this.

After only putting a small number of hours into dedicated practice I've seen my proficiency leap forward. That euphoria that all these half baked understandings, and everything that I've learnt from just looking, have finally come together into something I can do with my own hand.

I'm not 'where I want to be' yet, in the sense that I feel like I'm a little stuck only being able to sketch but I'd love to actually do some illustrations and completed work. Not yet frustrated by this, since I'm learning from myself as I go.

(Did you know when you have ADHD you don't always remember how you did things before? So every time you attempt something you have to learn how to do it all over again? Getting medicated changes this. I have memory now. Memories of how I worked through a task that I can use again and iterate upon in the future? Wild.)

There is a lot of mental health bullshit and anxiety that actively gets in the way of my ability to draw and commit myself to all kinds of creative endeavors. I'm not sure how long its going to take before I can start drawing out some of the things I'm imagining, but I think I'll get there. It's not like I've never drawn (and sometimes even finished!) ambitious things before. I'm having fun! And I only want to race forward so I can have more fun! But it's okay. I have all the time in the world to keep doing this.

[shadowcatzone]

this is a xingyue child story, with some renheng on the side. but it's mostly about. the child. imagine them maybe a head taller than yanqing. that'll be important, somewhat.

in this one, xingyue child will have ptsd, abandonment trauma, as well as that "my father is bad so i'll probably be bad too" - i forgot what this one's called. i'm not very good at writing all of these but i'll try my best. just. keep them in mind somewhere.

well, the problem with criminals, they thought, is that it's a downward spiral. they let out a silent laugh, more like a huff. knowing their situation did not make them stop, though. they were so close to finishing up and leaving.

nobody would question them staying in the forge after nightfall. they did often forge things during nighttime. but they only had about 3 more minutes until the surveillance turned back on, so they hurriedly took any valuables the other workers left behind.

they even took the liberty of replacing the high-quality steel with low-quality ones. well, the supplier might get in trouble, but since the steel was already paid for, there wasn't much that could be done.

slipping away for the second time that night, they hurried back to the spot they had been in ten minutes prior. hurriedly lighting their pipe, drawing a large breath of the smoke, before exhaling it into patterns.

when everything turned back on, they drew in the last of the smoke before suffocating the embers and heading home. had their parents been around, they would certainly be less then thrilled about their childs choice of activities.

___

"you said you wanted to practice, to train with someone else, right?"

yanqing paused. he did tell them he needed training, but the timing seemed rather odd. "...i thought you didn't want to talk about fighting? you said specifically during meals..."

"ah." they pushed their lunch aside. "yeah. but, a friend of mine is gathering all sorts of people to... practice fighting in front of an audience. would you be interested?"

he thought about it for a minute. "...you won't mind if i ask the general first, do you?" "oh. technically, i don't mind. go ahead. it's just... you see..." he stared at them for a minute, and was about 70 percent sure this was gonna involve him in something... less legal. but he was willing to give his 'friend' the benefit of the doubt.

"don't look at me like that. those people want to practice to fight in front of an audience, so they're naturally rather shy. what do you think would happen if THE general jing yuan decided to watch them? they'd die on the spot!" they could see that the teen didn't believe a word. but they have a secret weapon for cases like this... "well, that's a shame. i once heard the general also wasn't fond of public fighting before he practiced with a group just like that."

they didn't even have to wait long- "did he really!??" would i lie to you? they thought, yes, i would. "i believe my father mentioned something of the sort once." that the man needed a lot of practice to master his weapon, and that he wasn't fond of public events. a white lie, surely.

___

"do i really have to wear the mask? it's annoying." well, he really wouldn't ask that if he understood why they were here. "well, but it's to help people with their shyness. even if YOU don't really need it, these guys would feel really bad about themselves knowing you can do what they can't." that made even less sense, even in their mind. "just try your best to win. I'll be waiting over there, at the counter."

___

they've been coming to the same general area for a few days now. "well? aren't you improving a lot?" yanqing started grinning "yes! the other day, i was sparring with the general, and he also said i was improving rather quickly! i... may or may not have told him about that sparring group, accidentally... i'm sorry." they stood in thought for a moment. "...did you? that's okay though. i really didn't expect you to keep it secret for so long either..." they walked to the place in silence. "hey, yanqing... i've heard... that there are, well, gonna be some... troublemakers tonight... listen, if i tell you we need to leave... then we best leave. immediately. okay?" "...alright, sure."

the fights went as usual, when, halfway through, [xingyue child] dragged yanqing out through a separate, concealed exit, not a bit to early, as the door falls closed, the space is quickly filled with cloud knights.

"well, i'll have to talk to my friend about when this takes place the next time. let's go eat something!" the teen nods and goes along. through a dozen winding passages, they find themselves at aurum alley.

___

yanqing was scowling at them. "do you know how angry the general was??" [xingyue child] smiled apologetically. "oh, yanqing i just wanted to ask you if you would help me..." "you got me involved in that illegal fighting ring! and now you want my help again!?"

they tried even harder to look really downcast. "i didn't know it was illegal... my friend promised it wasn't..." they wondered if they should jam their nail into their leg so they'd actually cry. "but i have to carry a bunch to the artisanship commission, and if i do it all on my own, i won't finish today... and then i won't have the time to eat dinner... i'm sorry, i really am..." he sighed. it can't be helped... "...fine."

they went to a warehouse, accompanied by [xingyue child]s constant thanking, apologising, and promising it won't happen again. looking up at the warehouse, he voiced his concerns once more. "are you sure this isn't illegal...?"

they gasped, feigning hurt. "of course not! look, see, if this was illegal, there'd be no need for me to have this temporary pass for the warehouse! right?" they held it up like a prize. it certainly has their name and picture on it. "alright. open it then." they turned around, and under the guise of fumbling with it, exchanged it with another pass. gaining access immediately, the two went inside.

carrying the boxes to the artisanship commission wasn't difficult, but they were rather large. they ended up handing them to an assistant who seemed... far too casual for the position. "don't worry. he'll move the boxes the rest of the way."

___

"...a number of warehouses have been stolen from. keep a close eye on those you pass." yanqing nodded at the generals instruction. "were there no recordings of the thief?" "no. the surveillance was down for about ten minutes." this didn't, however, mean that he didn't know exactly who did it. "i'm thinking of letting dan heng handle this..." he says, under his breath, while massaging his temples. yanqing had, however, already left.

___

their horns weren't that problematic. cutting off their horns was painful, but bearable. the alternative could be far worse. the horns would quickly grow back, like nails. the real problem was cutting their tail - which also grew back, but hurt a lot more, due to it being attached to their back. never the less, the disciples paid a lot for ingredients like these. and if the preceptors ever caught sight of their draconic features... their surroundings fell apart as they cut- then they jolted awake.

when sleep found them again, they returned to a barren landscape. when they were living on the zhuming for a while, they did so under ardens regia, whose voice still haunts them. "do not disappoint me. if you end up as your father before you, you must not gaze upon me." they are being cast aside. dropped on the battlefield to die. the second time they woke up, they didn't go back to sleep, they instead went out to the forge in the artisanship commission.

___

when [xingyue child] was called to the seat of divine foresight, they thought they were gonna be scolded. they did expect their 'uncle', jing yuan, to lecture them a bit. or a lot.

what they did not expect was the addition of the people who should have been, rather, would have been, their parents. the seat of divine foresight had otherwise been mostly cleared out.

"[xingyue child]," jing yuan started, "you've become quite bold lately, haven't you?" "i don't know what you mean, uncle. i didn't do anything wrong, did i?" the tension in the room went up. "then, should i tell you exactly what you did wrong?" "well, that would be-" "i believe you have been stealing... again." their expression froze up for a second. they had a hard time reading the generals expression. just how much did he find out? "i wouldn't, you told me last time to better myself. i wouldn't make the same mistake twice."

"even if you didn't steal. we're rather worried about your... involvement... with those illegal fight rings you somehow managed to drag yanqing into." they felt panic rising in their chest. "but, that was a misunderstanding. i genuinely thought those were just sparring matches." his smile fell on their last sentence. "is that so? well, there's more..." the list of crimes was long. none of them had been terrible crimes, but add them all up...

by the end of it, [xingyue child] had paled significantly, their mind racing. dan heng had a concerned expression. blade stared off into space, seemingly unconcerned about the issue. "...that's a lot." dan heng probed carefully. jing yuan was smiling again, "that is a lot."

"but none of that is my fault." [xingyue child] spoke up. the general sighed. "then, whose fault do you think it is?" "no, i mean, it's not my fault. i'm not at fault for becoming a criminal." "...elaborate." [xingyue child] had a desperate smile on their face. "i mean - really? i'm just a victim of my circumstances. it was very obvious, actually, that i would turn out this way. right? because i'm just like my parents, and my parents were both criminals, so i-" blade, who had been uninterested in the conversation, interjected, by grasping [xingyue child]s shoulders. "who told you that?"

"i... everyone says that. i mean, it's true." they wondered if the man who was once their dad would try to murder the entirety of the luofu. he certainly seemed to consider it. "...no, obviously not everyone, but... the mean ones." he didn't seem convinced.

_____

tired hhhhhh

(insomnia, nightmares, anger and distress

feeling unsafe, low self-worth, shame, insecurity, uncertainty about getting their needs met)

[icedmetaltea]

Same anon from outlast au.

So, I would like to add a few things. At the end of your first day Moon returns with a dirty box that he hands to Sun, then the night robot takes the child and you want to protest, but Sun is already carrying you and leaves you in a chair in front of the desk. He corners you and grabs your wrist, you can't move away and only the metal fits more painfully. When you stop struggling, Sun smiles and bandages your hand, kissing each place where a finger is missing (Would it count as a kiss if a robot held your hand, rested its eternal smile on your wounds and made an exaggerated kissing noise?) At the end he gives you a candy for being a good patient, but you refuse and he just hides the candy in your jacket pocket.

He takes you to this tower, you assume it's a tower, it terrifies you when he starts floating and Sun just laughs. He takes you to his room, it's not a big deal but there is no blood or human remains and that is appreciated. That night you sleep hugging the infant who is already in his fifth sleep, both huddled together in a stupid amount of blankets and pillows in a corner, sleeping on the floor is not something you are used to but after so many long days you fall asleep in seconds.

Moon brings many more blankets and pillows, Sun disinfects your wounds and the four of you have breakfast together. The meals are not luxurious, but nothing is worse. They divert the conversation when you ask where all this comes from, you decide not to ask more.

Looking for an exit you discover walls covered in blood under the rubble, the stains are large and it seems as if someone was desperately trying to clean up the mess and then gave up and threw a bunch of things there to hide it. Youu discover that the brown stains are dried blood due to its slight metallic smell. But there are no bodies in sight.

One day you wake up in the middle of the night, Sun and Moon are nowhere to be seen. Do you take a piece of... Pipe? Maybe it belonged to one of the structures below? You just know it's an elongated piece of metal, you use it to hit the hinges, You tear them out of their place and when you kick the door and it opens you wake up the child. He yawns, asks you what's wrong and you have to lie saying it was time to play hide and seek.

They go down endless stairs, they sneak where they can, you don't get far. Moon was returning from his patrol and carries you like a sack of potatoes while holding the child in one arm. Sun is already waiting for the other from the door that you broke in his room, Moon wishes you luck after taking them both down. You grab the boy's hand, facing Sun, who has his arms crossed, his foot tapping the floor, and his smile is strained.

Moon does his best to put the door in its place. but it is useless and you hear him put things on the other side of the door, creating a barricade. The little brat asks if your game of hide-and-seek is over, and Sun nods happily. He's already pushing them both into his 'bed'. But in the morning you will have problems

When Sun grabs your arm and is already dragging you to the balcony, you are very aware that you have problems now.

I was thinking about Sun being an animatronic created for this little area where crazy people can draw or do activities to observe their behavior and encourage them to improve. Moon is the security guard of the place, making sure that no one gets hurt. They are the only animatronics in the place and they became attached after everything fell apart, Moon makes sure that no one dangerous enters the craft room and Sun is in charge of cleaning everything as much as possible. He hasn't had a decent conversation with anyone besides Moon in a long time, his friends tried to dismantle him and he had to defend himself. Both Sun and Moon do their best to survive here, and if they could deal with that, they can convince you that you are better off here, they are definitely obsessed with the only adult and child who can reason. They don't want to lose that and be alone again.

Definitely a madman evades Moon and reaches Sun, these are tense moments, the solar animatronic is as cheerful as ever, he kindly asks the man to leave and when he becomes aggressive he knows that he cannot allow them to reach you, who run to hide.

He does it quickly, he doesn't want you to get scared and the child couldn't see it. There's a bang, a scream, and then nothing. Sun drags the body out of the room to deal with it later. He takes you and your child to his room, sings to you and calms you until the shaking stops.

Daaaaaaayum you've got just about a whole fic figured out 👏👏 Thank you for another helping of soup!!!

[maestriovermind]

wit's end

cw: vent/rant post, uses very aggressive language throughout

this is really not meant to be read by anyone but it doesn't do me any good if it's not available for people to see so just move along, especially if you're emotionally vulnerable to things like anger

people who immediately ghost/block when you do something they don't like or something they find socially unacceptable are extremely untrustworthy and honestly I don't even know the words to describe it but they, like, want to foster an environment wherein they remove people they don't like (for whatever reason) and discard them like trash, which is, I can't believe I have to say it, TOXIC BEHAVIOR.

Self care is important! I will concede that much. And everyone has different needs, and some people cannot afford the spoons to deal with conflict. I know I almost have or just have a breakdown every time I'm faced with someone who disagrees with me.

But you know what's also important? Empathy? You dumb fuck?

Why do you think this person behaves the way they do?

"because they're inherently horrible?" are you really that stupid?

People are inherently good. Everyone has the capacity to learn.

Read it again. Yeah. That last line.

"Oh but some people are less intelligent" Fuck you? Intelligence is measured by the ability to apply knowledge and draw inferences/comparisons, NOT the ability to learn new information, you complete and utter dumbass.

Assuming that someone "is just like that" and "can't be changed" shows that you have no understanding of how people work, you blithering imbecile.

Anyone can learn how to be a better person. And you know what happens when you punish a person for being bad instead of trying to teach them how to be better? Yeah. They keep being bad. You literally improve nothing. It's like stuffing things in your closet when you clean your room. It may not be your problem for the moment, but it's going to be an issue for somebody else, because you were too much of a self-centered prick to do anything about it.

This is me, teaching you, to not be a horrible person. So pass it along, dipshit.

And sorry for being mean, I guess. I hate having to deal with people who continue perpetuating problems through predictive repetition of behaviors that they think are acceptable. So stop the cycle. Please?

-

After writing all this, I would like to address that if you actively try to help someone see that what they are doing is bad, and they refuse to change, then you're probably not equipped to help them. Changing the way people think is not something everyone can do! And if they're harassing you, and not listening to you, that's what the block button is for. But reflexively blocking without even trying? Disgusting.

Be better.

[the-amber-raven]

Oohh I've always been fond of fics where Chris picks up some habits from Buck! Aside from the jackets, what other habits/headcanons you have for them that wasn't included in the fics?

This was a surprisingly difficult one to answer, since thanks to the (asides) I use in this series and the flashbacks in I once was lost, I've actually been able to include a lot of them!

(Also, I didn't say the hoodies tidbit wasn't going to be in the fic ;) Just sayin')

I've been trying to think of the ones I struggled to shoe-horn in though, so here's a selection:

Bobby had a Reputation at all of Buck's schools. After his first parent teacher interview at their school in LA, he organised a meeting with the principal. She attempted to fob him off to someone else but he insisted it had to be her. So she diligently collected information from all of his teachers and went to this meeting prepared to discuss what she was sure would be his concerns about his son potentially having ADHD. She had a list of psychologists to refer him to and everything! And then he hands over a folder and starts explaining to her very seriously that the school is barely meeting fire safety requirements and here is a list of all the things she should do to improve their adherence to code and ensure student safety. She passes this information on to Evan's next school, which has a very frantic principal running around quadruple-checking fire safety standards before the first day of school.

Related to the above - Buck is diagnosed with ADHD in this universe, although he never ends up taking medication for it. Bobby is more concerned with making sure Buck is taught in a way that works for him (see "Mr Stugley said that I need explicit instructions" in oh captain my captain) and he has no patience for teachers who just tell him to get his son medicated. The revolving door of sports is also to help Buck manage his need to keep moving and stay active.

One of the first gifts Evan ever got for Bobby was a horrendously ugly mug. Bobby did not care about how ugly it was and used it anyway. Buck got in the habit of giving increasingly tacky mugs, a part of him morbidly curious about where his dad would draw the line. Bobby is suspicious that his motivation is to test him (as is Athena when he starts doing the same thing for her) but actually he doesn't really care because he is that much of a Dad that he will happily use a #1 Dad mug no matter what it looks like. This was actually really close to being in the story, so have this little snippet I wrote: Bobby had wondered sometimes if Evan was subconsciously testing them to see if they would still be willing to use the gifts when they were so over-the-top. Ultimately, though, it didn’t really matter because he had loved every one of them purely because they were from his kid and had taken great joy in using them. 

Lily (the paramedic in Minnesota who treated Evan after the fire) holds a grudge against Bobby for counseling her to stop getting involved when he then subsequently GOT INVOLVED AND ADOPTED THE KID. She gets her revenge by teaching Evan about just how much of a pushover his new dad is and she is the main reason that baby!Evan knows exactly how to soften Bobby up.

Eddie was pretty happy with how things ended in that last chapter of the mortifying ordeal: sure, Hen and Chimney teased him relentlessly about the miscommunication but they actually seem pretty happy to hear he's dating the captain's baby. And then it's Buck's first day at the station and he is suddenly reminded that Evan is in fact the station's baby and he realises he shouldn't be so complacent just yet. There are many, many speeches involved.

Christopher has found their silken ropes in their bedroom once, after they forgot to put them away properly ("it was a long shift and we had a tiny window of alone time, okay, it was a totally normal mistake!" Eddie insisted to a cackling Hen later.) Buck spun a very elaborate story about how someone at the station had gotten a new cat and he had read about DIY cat toys you could make with rope and so he wanted to give it a try but he was just soooo tired that he'd given up and fallen asleep. Chris very kindly offers to to help instead since clearly they can't let the poor kitten not have any toys! The crew laugh when Buck bemoans the loss of the ropes. ("They were expensive!" he mourns, getting laughter from the crew. "And they were so good because they never left any visible marks!" Bobby is visibly traumatised by the conversation.)

Evan got so used to Bobby's cooking that he forgot that there are people who aren't as good at cooking. The first time the 118 have to look after Evan for an extended period of time (because Bobby is in the hospital, badly injured but not on his deathbed, which creates plenty of heightened emotions) Chimney burns their dinner, Sal makes something ridiculously bland, and Tommy uses a store-bought spaghetti sauce. Evan is very judgmental. (Hen and Karen do fine, of course.) Bobby feels very vindicated when he gets to go home and gets a cuddle from Evan alongside a speech about how much he missed his cooking.

[astorythatwritesitself]

@korblez I'm counting it as close enough to 'you asked', here's a chunk of drell thinks in general xD

And the realization I've had recently that... I think I've unconsciously been developing them as a sort of... foil?? Parallel? to the asari xD Which was probably running with the designer notes of 'this entire species based on creating a single individual of Pure Fanservice'.

But yes there's elements like:

Biotics! I HC Rakhana as an eezo rich planet, and most native life had biotic potential... but it never really developed beyond that. Unlike most contemporary sapient species, drell had no prothean ruins- the most alien tech present on the planet were a handful of discarded Dragon's Teeth style items from cycles long past, knowledge of which only survives in folklore today. Once introduced to the wider galactic community though, all refugees were identified as having biotic potential, and the few who remain on Rakhana do as well. Subsequent generations have markedly lower degrees, but there is a very distinct correlation of biotics born following pilgrimage trips to the homeworld.

Rakhana is actually still inhabited... but yeah it's rough. While there were offerings to try terraforming techniques to restore some of the ecosystem, they were refused- drell are creatures of memory, after all, and future generations must be allowed to see with their own eyes what unchecked progress for progress' sake wrought. Pilgrimage, for them, is mostly a matter of seeing their own ruin: here were once verdant oases teeming with life, now dried into dust, displays of flora and fauna driven to extinction, that sort of thing. The more spiritual/hardcore sorts have a parallel journey that stops at several temples, ruins, and natural formations. Traditionally, it's done on foot with no navigation equipment, following ancient migration paths still passed down through various songs, poems, and family histories.

Drell have an absolutely unmatched oral tradition and no one will ever convince me otherwise, The Oddesy ain't got shit on some of the drell epics xD However, this comes with an unfortunate drawback, especially with the climate crisis- there was a sharp lack of written works, and when communications/storage failed, they lost an enormous amount of information.

Their lifespan being around 80 years is... Flawed. Prior to evac, it was close to current human standards, but got skewed extremely hard once Kepral's became commonplace. It's starting to climb again, thanks to improving treatments, and there are high hopes for a widely available preventative gene therapy soon. (I choose to play it as - oh, it's severe, nasty to treat/prone to reoccurring... but it is treatable, especially with early diagnosis. Also, it's not an important hc, but I imagine Dr. Saleon had a lot of drell patients back when he was active...)

Gender/sex is interesting for drell - the closest Earth analog is a trioecy system, ultimately most drell unions can potentially produce offspring (and there's been around half a dozen known cases of parthenogenesis), but on the whole, birth rates stay fairly low without intervention. Certain environmental conditions (light, temperature, & diet) can have a masculinizing or femininizing effect, but in the current day it's a lot easier to go for direct targeted hormone treatment if you're dead-set on going towards an extreme end. (As far as presentation goes: earthy/warm tones have more of a feminine association, bright/jewel tones more masculine- kind of playing off the alleged bird inspirations lol, and fashion/cultural intricacies are all over the place- if there's much of a divide in the first place. They & the hanar got lucky, neither being a species with a hard binary situation, it was a lot less fun trying to figure out how to get things to translate well with others...)

The most widely practiced branch of polytheism (particularly on Kajhe) is actually more accurately labeled a semi-omnism, drawing deities and spirits from many drell religions; an attempt to preserve as many elements of their cultures as possible and a declaration of unity as a people in the face of a broadened universe and their own near demise. Younger generations haven't held onto that so much, and there's even some who espouse an attitude of 'whatever gods we had, we killed', while others lean towards a pantheistic/siari deal. While practice isn't totally discouraged on Kajhe, it's hard to find more than a household shrine; several high-profile priests died under... questionable circumstances within the last twenty years or so, and funerary procedures are almost exclusively drawn from Enkindler doctrines; a drell enclave on the Citadel is the current hub for the more devout.

There was/still is a serious thing with debt/gratitude in drell culture- there's no convenient 'oh I forgot you did that!' lol. You treat people well, because they will remember! This is partly what led to the Compact- refugees who felt they owed the hanar a genuine life debt, and a few families feel it lingers through subsequent generations- after all, they wouldn't be there otherwise, right? Thane's family were among that group, so as far as he knew, that was just how things worked. He... never entirely reconciled Irikah's pointing out that it was one thing for first generation- or even present adults- to make that choice, something else entirely to give up a child just developing their permanent memory. (But hey, he agreed to keeping Kolyat out of it, so... progress?)

Drell cuisine tends to go wild on flavour/seasoning, and a major part of post-evacuation culture has been food-oriented- learning new dishes, adapting old ones, fusion cuisine is a massive hit, and if you're invited for a visit, you are getting dinner and extra for the next night.

On the whole they lean towards fairly social- multigenerational households are the norm, and especially around Kajhe and the Citadel, you'll often find otherwise unaffiliated single adults meeting at a dinner table. Even the more introverted will tend towards lurking in crowded spots. (Part of this may have developed due to the slippery nature of their memories- those who slip hard into something alone may be hurt or waste away, staying near crowds ups the chance of someone maybe helping bring you back to the present.)

Ok this one seems to go against a common take I've seen, and it's that drell can handle (relative) temperature extremes either way- I imagine Rakhana tends towards hot days and cold nights, so it takes a fair bit for either cold or heat to get to them. (That said, heat tolerance > cold tolerance, but it's still more than most humans can take xD)

Aaand I think that's all I got for now xD