#'I'm picking up my order. what am I supposed to do?' /with attitude

[allllamasarenerds]

Oh yeah. Got sent to time-out at work today. The guy started it. Undeniable. Customer man went into pickup fridge clearly marked "associate only." That conversation ending "Well I'll never place another order here again!" was not the sting he thought it was. Good.

[cakelitter]

Apple Of My Eye Older! Leon x Fem! Reader (oneshot)

warnings: angst, fingering, oral (f recieve), p in v, daddy kink, makeup sex

summary: Leon and reader get into their first argument, but Leon apologizes in his own way.

words: 3.1k

a/n: i'm writing so much older Leon fics but this man lives in my head rent fucking free omg

Everything is going to shit.

Words were said, things were done, that all cut through you like a knife. This is your first actual argument, not just a simple misunderstanding or a silly disagreement. But a full-on fight.

To rewind, you and Leon were supposed to have a nice dinner date, romantic and sweet. Something the two of you haven’t had the chance to do since he’s busy all the time. You got ready, all dolled up and looking the best you’ve ever looked. You wore his favorite dress, painted your nails his favorite color, put on the kind of make up he likes. You wanted this to be special, a night to remember.

But he forgot, leaving you sitting at that table in the restaurant for an hour and 37 minutes to be exact, like an idiot. No text explaining why he was late, and wouldn’t pick up his phone either. By the time he arrived you had already downed most of the bottle of wine the two of you were supposed to share, and was feeling full from the sympathetic stares the waiter and other guests were giving you.

Worst part, he didn’t even apologize. No “Sorry baby, I had something come up at work” no nothing, just sat down, looking at you like what he did was normal. You decided to suck it up and continue on with the night. Trying to be the bigger person even though he’s twice your age and your size. Sure, you still had a bit of an attitude, some short answers, and not clawing to get closer to him like usual, but you have the right to.

Apparently not, cause he decides to get all pissy with you. Giving you glares from across the table, and in general being petty. It was clear to you, and to everyone around, that your nights wasn’t going great. You both end up leaving the restaurant after 30 minutes of his arrival, neither of you finishing the meals you ordered.

The car ride back to you shared apartment was quiet, but the tension was no joke. Instead of the normal sexual tension you both experience after these usual dates, or even just being around each other in general. There was the tension that made your heart sink and your throat tight. His eyes fixated on the road, both hands on the wheel gripping it firmly till his knuckles turned white, instead of having one in between your thighs like usual. You can’t tell who’s ignoring who, or who is more pissed at the other person more. Your mouth didn’t utter a peep, when shaky breaths and pleading words should be escaping it at this point. You hoped that once you get home, the two of you would have cooled down a bit and would talk it out like you always do.

Yet again you were wrong. As soon as you arrived back home, he slams the door behind the two of you. And starts to speak through gritted teeth.

“What he fuck was that whole fuss about?”

Turning around, you don’t know if you’re more shocked at the tone he is addressing you with or the fact that he genuinely doesn’t see what he did wrong.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe the fact that you left me there for almost two hours without explaining even why?!”

He scoffs, fucking scoffs. “What, am I supposed to give you reports on everything I do now? What I’m doing and who I’m with?”

“Leon, you can not be serious right now. All I wanted was for you to simply give me a heads up telling me that you were gonna be late.”

“Well, I was clearly busy. I’m sorry that I have a real job and responsibilities that I have to deal with.” Why is he acting like you don’t know that? like this is new information to you? In the past 2 years of your relationship, you have understood how demanding Leon’s job is, and have always been patient.

Going on missions for days and not being able to contact you. You get it, he should focus on his mission and getting home safe. Canceling plans with you last minute cause he was needed at his work. That’s fine, he can’t control it anyways.

But he always made it up for you. Taking the next day off to spend time with you, consoling you, spoiling you with gifts if he couldn’t be there physically with you. He has never gotten angry at you or talked to you in this tone before. He has never refused to apologize, and always tried to reach a solution. But now he is choosing to argue with you.

“You know how much I respect your job and how patient I am when it comes to this topic. But I can’t always brush off the feeling of neglect sometimes.”

“Well maybe you need to stop being so fucking needy.”

Ouch.

He always had loved it when you were needy though, loving the way you’d sit on his lap and shower him with kisses as he worked, loving how you needed to be close to him on the couch while watching a movie, loving the pout you do when he leaves for another mission.

You compose yourself, and start thinking of why he’s acting this way. Is he having a bad day? Did he get bad news before he came to see you?... Is he done dealing with you?

The last possibility makes your heart drop as you try to shoo that evil thought away, but it sticks like cigarette smoke on clothes.

“Are you having a bad day? Is there something bothering you?” your voice is gentle and understanding, trying to deescalate the situation. But he replies with the same harsh tone.

“Yeah, I’m tired of constantly dealing with your bullshit.”

…

He sighs, running his fingers through his hair and looking away from your face. You stand there, not knowing what to do. Feeling so stupid, just staring at him, praying he tells you that he didn’t mean that, that this was all a mistake. To pull you in his arms and whisper sweet nothings in your ear like he always does when you’re upset.

He was always so gentle with you, from his actions to his words. Scared to be too rough with you while play fighting as if you’re going to break. He constantly reminded you of how much you meant to him, how much he missed you on missions, and how much he couldn’t wait to be with you again. His sacred treasure, the apple of his eye, the love of his life.

But now, it all came crashing down with the venomous words he’s saying. Dropping your glass welded heart from what feels like a 13-story building, then proceeding to run over whatever survived. The burning sensation in your throat is starting to get hard to ignore, you try fight it off but to no use.

“What, are you gonna cry now like you always do?”

And that’s all it takes for tears that have been brimming in your eyes to finally break free dropping down to your cheek as your lip quivers. Yes, you are crying like you always do. Feeling so humiliated, tears blur your vision as you turn around and walk to your room shutting the door behind you.

You’re so upset. Sadness mixing with anger creating a disastrous cocktail causing your throat to burn like hell. And to make things worse, you can’t even go to the person that knows how to comfort you best, cause they are the reason why you feel like this in the same place.

Laying down on your side of the bed, tears are practically soaking your pillow. You’ve been crying for what feels like hours now and you’re sure your eyes are going to be swollen as fuck the next day. Multiple sobs, tears, and sniffles later, you fall asleep. Pass out is a better word for it actually. Only to be awaken by a knock on the bedroom door. You ignore it, and close your eyes again.

“Baby, please, let’s talk.”

You ignore again, hoping he takes the hint and leaves you alone. But he doesn’t. He opens the door slowly and looks over to your huddled figure laying on the bed. You’re clearly cold, legs tucked close to your chest, and your face nuzzled into your pillow as much as possible. He sighs, walking over to the bed, and lays down next to you with you back facing him. He stares at you for a bit, knowing that you’re not asleep, he knows your breathing a little too well. He scooches over placing an arm around you, and places a gentle kiss on top of your head.

“I’m sorry baby, I was being an asshole.” He whispers, planting another kiss.

You don’t reply, but you do open your eyes. Noticing that, he continues.

“I was just stressed from all the bullshit going on at work and… took it out on you. It’s not your fault, I shouldn’t have done that.”

…

“Those hurtful things, I don’t mean them. God, I don’t mean a single word I said.”

That last sentence was all it took for you to start crying again. But this time, those arms are around to pull you in. He turns you around and places you against his chest as you let it out. An arm is behind your back rubbing up and down soothingly, while the other helps getting your hair out of your face.

“Shhh it’s okay.”

“I know sweetheart, I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

Are words he repeats in a tone juxtaposing the one he was using a couple of hours ago. This is the Leon you’re used to. Calm, and feels like home. The warmth of his body helps warm you up and the arm rubbing your back, helps ease your breathing back to normal. After a few minutes you calm down, and look up at him. He smiles kissing your forehead.

“Was Daddy mean to you earlier?” he asks and you nod.

“Want him to kiss it better?” you nod again.

He smiles softly and starts tenderly kissing your lips, your forehead, cheeks, and jaw.  Each kiss was full of affection and pure sincerity. You started sensing that warm feeling in your chest, heart beat regulating, and lips curling up into a smile as he kissed every single inch on your face. You’re not sure you quiet understand the science behind this technique and how he can manage to lift up your mood with a few kisses and his heart-warming voice. But it somehow always works.

However, can’t tell if it was the sudden change in your mood or his hot breath and soft lips on your face, but the wholesome warm feeling in your heart switched at one point, to heat pooling between your thighs. And soon enough you started being needy again.

“Daddy. Want more.” You muttered, making him stop momentarily to respond.

“Want what baby, you need to tell daddy what to do so he can help you.”

You start feeing a little shy to word it out for him. Normally he would keep you being a needy squirmy mess till you say it yourself. But he was already mean to you today, so it’s only fair to help his girl out.

“Want Daddy to kiss you somewhere else?”

“Mhm”

“Where?”

“My pussy.”

How could he say no to that face. Lips puffy, eyes glossy, and lashes wet from your tears. Humming in agreement, he places one final kiss on your lips and moves down between your thighs, spreading them open for him. You were still wearing your dress, so he was immediately greeted with the lace panties you wore for him. Running his finger up your cunt, he can already feel the dampness through the thin fabric.

“Damn baby, you wore all of this for me? God, I don’t deserve you.”

He says planting an opened mouth kiss on your clothed clit making you whine. Bunching up your dress, he grabs the hem of your panties sliding them down and shoving them in his pocket. He runs his tongue up your slit, and it feels warm as he tastes you. Spreading your cunt open with his fingers, his mouth starts sucking on your clit as shaky heavy breaths escape your mouth.

His blue eyes meet yours as he continues guzzle your pussy up while occasionally fucking his tongue into you. He laps up every single fluid that comes out, appreciating every drop. Eventually, he rewards you with one of his fingers penetrating inside of you and fucking into you at a slow pace as he pulls the hood of your clit back and continues sucking on your bundle of nerves.

Moments later he removes his mouth off of you, wanting to watch your expression as he sticks another finger into you. Your mouth opens slightly as a broken sound leaves your throat. His fingers were thick, much thicker than yours. The rough skin on them making your back arch at the sensation.

“So fucking pretty.”

You can’t tell if he’s addressing you or your dripping pussy as your eyes flutter shut when his palm makes contact with your cunt. He starts moving his digits in and out of you, mouth finding it’s way back to your clit once more. Your hips start squirming in place as he uses his other hand to hold you down in place. His digits then begin scissoring you open while his tongue flicks your sensitive bundle of nerves.

Amidst the intense feeling of pleasure, you grab his hair pulling his face towards your dripping cunt even more. Grabbing Daddy���s hair and not being gentle with it is against some of the rules the two of you have established. Leon is going above and beyond to make sure he doesn’t go bald, avoiding it like it’s the plague. Hence, pulling it, is something he would normally spank you for, fuck you roughly while pulling yours to make sure you always remember. But he’ll let it pass this time.

You start babbling, the pleasure fogging up your field of vision, and the ability to form a coherent sentence, but he knows your having a good time.

“Daddy, can I please cum?”

“Do whatever you wanna do sweetheart.” As soon as you get his permission, you reach your peak with a squeal, letting go of his hair and clutch instead on the white sheets beneath you. His fingers continue moving, easing your way back down from your high. And he eventually removes his fingers out of you, placing a final kiss on your clit before looking up at your blissed out expression.

He gets up, ready to run you a nice bath to relax, but you refuse.

“Want you.”

You say looking up at him. He smiles and replies.

“I don’t know baby. Don’t think it’s fair that you get punished for not behaving and I don’t.” You whine, a pout forming on your lips. Even though you just came, you fear that you’ll never satisfied till he’s deep inside you.

 You tug on his shirt, eyes pleading, batting your lashes at him the way you do, decreasing is chances of saying no to zero.

“It’s okay, I forgive you. Plus, that boner of yours looks pretty painful.” You retort, pointing at the way his dick is begging to be released out of his jeans.

“You sure?” You eagerly nod, and before you know it, your hands are already undoing his belt. He helps you out, taking his pants and shirt off while you strip out of your dress as well.

“How do you want me?” he asks as the two of you sit naked on the bed.

You put your finger on your chin, squinting your eyes as you think.

“On your back.”

He complies, resting his head against the pillow as you crawl over you him, placing a gentle peck on his mouth. Your legs straddle him, grabbing his dick and rubbing it up and down your leaky slit. He grits his teeth, eyes fixated at your motion before you start nudging it as your entrance.

You drop down on his length, making the two of you moan in unison as you bottom out on his dick, his hands involuntarily reaching over to grab the fat on the side of your hips. You don’t take too long to adjust thanks to his fingers warming you up earlier, and soon enough you start bouncing.

Placing a hand on his chest to balance yourself as you increase the pace while occasionally grinding your hips on his skin to get more friction on your clit. One of his hands leave your hips, making its way to your lips as you take two of his fingers into your mouth. He groans at the view in front of him.

“Fuckkk, such a good fucking girl.”

Moments later however, you start getting tired. Poor thing, doing all the work by yourself. You were always destined for princess treatment anyways.

“Getting tired?” he asks through heavy breaths, and you mindlessly nod.

Grabbing your hips once more, he plants his feet on the bed and grabs you pulling your body closer as he starts drilling into you. Your head falls back, all of that sadness you experienced before disappearing with each thrust of his hips. His dick feels amazing inside of you, hitting all of the sweet spots with each move.

The familiar sense of release starts approaching. The sound of skin slapping fills the room as you start chanting “daddy” over and over. You don’t even need anything from him, but he’s all your mind can think about.

“I’m right here, cum for me.” And you do. Your body convulses as sweet release takes over you. Leon moans from how tight your walls are gipping him. Dick throbbing inside of you as he fucks you through your release and starts chasing his. Picking up the pace even more, he feels himself getting closer and closer to his own climax.

“Where do you want it baby?” he asks through greeted teeth. You mind is complete mush at this point, completely and utterly cock drunk. “Inside please.”  Look at you, still using words like please and thank you even in this state.

He was hoping you would say that, he doubts he’ll make it in time to pull out anyways. Leon’s releases washes over his as he spurts his cum all over your walls, while crashing his lips into yours. You kiss him back, moaning as you feel so full and warm from the inside. His hips slow down and eventually reach a stop, and both of your bodies relax. Lips separating, you stare into each other’s eyes for a bit, one of his hands runs through your hair delicately, before cupping your cheek. You tilt your head, resting its weight on his palm as he strokes your face with his thumb.

“I love you. I’m sorry.”

banner by @/anitalenia

[thewertsearch]

GG: i think you are projecting your own attitude on to others […] GG: rose just sent me a code for a crystal ball, shes my friend and is basically the best! […] CA: its probably a trap i wwouldnt trust her CA: she is a cunnin and treacherous sort trust me i knoww her type GG: wait do you have a thing for her too??? GG: did she reject you or something?

Annihilate him, Jade. This would be a good time to unleash that rage you've been cultivating.

CA: all of her FRAUDULENT MAGICS cannot come close to posin threat to my mastery ovver the TRUEST SCIENCES CA: an wwith my empiricists wwand i servve as the righteous hope that wwill incinerate delusion and the deluded alike

This dude's on some Methods of Rationality type shit.

I'm not sure why Eridan is on a crusade against magic. He's been insisting it was fake since his original introduction page, and it's pretty clear he has some sort of complex about it. Is there some unseen history here that we're not yet privy to?

GG: wow what are you talking about CA: so really you should be honored to inherit my old callin CA: both my armaments and my feud

To be fair to Eridan, he is accomplishing something useful here, even if it's by accident. Jade needs to get that rifle in her pen-pal's hands in order to fulfil the Endgame Bunny's time loop.

Recalling Eridan’s introduction reminds me that this is one of the most powerful riflekind weapons in existence. This should imply that top-tier weapons cost tens of millions of grist...

...but we just saw a weapon that costs much, much more.

Maybe the Proton Cannon has the same damage as the Crosshairs, but it also has an incredibly broken non-combat use.

GG: i have seen this before […] GG: i am very sure its the same rifle included with johns present […] CA: probably a cheap imitation of the original […] GG: i did not provide the weapons! GG: my penpal did […] GG: we worked on it together but he supplied the bunnys weapons GG: im pretty sure hes from the future! CA: wwhy GG: because he said hes my grandson

Really?

I suppose being raised by a Sburb veteran would explain why he uses terms like 'boonbuck' in casual speech - but almost nothing else makes sense when viewed through this lens.

If Pen-Pal is Jade's grandson, then he should be from decades in the future - presumably long after the game has ended. This doesn't sound like a problem, until you remember some of the references he made.

As much as it pains me to admit it, the Earth is probably gone for good - which means that any descendants of our Players will be raised somewhere else. Why would someone presumably raised in a completely different universe be so familiar with Earth's culture?

You could argue that he picked up his love of Earth movies from one of the surviving Earthlings, such as adult John - although that raises its own issues, because PP talks to John like he's never met him before. Maybe he died young, and passed his love of movies to PP posthumously - but as you can see, we're really having to stretch things to make this make sense.

Plus, there's an even bigger problem - namely, his 1920s 'accent'. None of the surviving Earthlings have it, and it's not like he just developed it spontaneously. If he was raised by Jade or her child, why does he talk like her grandfather would?

See, I'm still sure that PP is connected directly to Grandpa, and may well be the man himself - which means either PP is lying, or there's something more complicated going on here.

We don't know anything about Grandpa's life after he fled the Crocker household. If he was somehow raised by an adult, post-Sburb Jade, then he could consider her his grandmother, while still talking and acting like the Grandpa Harley we know. Plus, it would explain why he acts like he's from the past, but knows about the future. He already has a history of time travelling - maybe he's been doing it since he was a kid.

Similar to my old theory about Spades Slick, this one is a little too convoluted to be 100% true - but still I think there's something to this idea. Being raised by Jade would neatly explain where he got the bunny's weapons...

Ugh, I don't know! This Pen-Pal really is the biggest curveball this comic has thrown at me. I need to think it over some more.

[nevertheless-moving]

stormlight au number 27. Elhokar and Kaladin time travel from Oathbringer to Way of Kings.

IMPORTANT: kaladin and elhokar develop weird unhealthy codependent situationship.

(MAJOR Oathbringer spoilers below)

...

...

Kaladin isn't pulled away by Adolin when he has his meltdown over Elhokar's death, over not being able to Save Everyone, and instead clings to Elhokar's dying body as a symbol of his failures. When Kaladin is killed in the confusion, something - the universe/ sja anat/ tattered pieces of honor and odium / hey maybe even adolnesium themselves who knows is like - errr. What. nope. Not my special boy!  Go back, Try Again. 

Kaladin wakes up in Way Of Kings, maybe a highstorm or two before the Tower. Kaladin is just like ah i see eternal damnation. Eternal damnation for my failures. Takes a little time before even considering the idea of time travel. Fortunately his attitude and response to thinking he's been consigned to everlasting ironic torment is remarkably similar to his response to the events of the first book, so a few days go by before the bridgecrew notices he's more fucked up than usual. 

Elhokar wakes up and (i enjoy the idea of THE COSMERE ITSELF SAVING KALADIN STORMBLESSED! and also Elhokar is there!) has no idea what to do. Testy with both thadeus and dalinar. Figures out some lightweaving. Maybe passes an order that the bridgemen should all have shields, in case Kaladin doesn't remember the future either, as a little goodwill present. After a couple more days he sneaks out to thadeus's bridgemen barracks to ask the hero for help, since none of the other kholins are responding to his leading mention of things he saw in 'dreams'.

Obviously he's not going to show his actual face when the guy who murdered him is in the room.

Dark amorphous blob with glowing blue eyes entering the barracks: Greetings Stormbles - do you all just sleep on the floor? And what is that smell? Heralds, this is depressing. Bridge four: WHAT THE - VOIDBRINGER! VOID- Kaladin : calm down, men, that's not what a voidbringer looks like. I think...its an unmade? Are there unmades in damnation? Only - that voice...do i...know you... Dark amorphous blob with glowing blue eyes: well, looking around, i suppose i can see why you would think this is braize, but come on, we're not actually dead and the almighty sent us ...here... for a reason. I need you to do your hero thing, huphup. Kaladin: ...shallan? Dark amorphous blob with glowing blue eyes: I suppose I am glad for the memory confirmation, but do i look - ugh - okay for hopefully obvious reasons i'm not going to put my true face on, so don't be an idiot and blurt out my real name, but i can probably wear the, ah, outfit she picked for me in Kholinar [Amorphous dark blob turns into pretty light eyed woman]: tada! Bridgefour: uh Teft: storms...you're one of them too...i think... Skar: does anyone else feel like we're in more danger now? Like better we were found with a voidbringer in our quarters than a brightlady? Drehy: no, i agree Hobber: shh! We're finally getting the captain's mysterious backstory ! Bissig: i TOLD you guys he must have got involved with a brightlady Leyten: and i bet on voidbringers which we all agreed was 10 to 1 so i'm pretty sure i'm winning Kaladin: Kaladin: [starting to tear up] Brightlady: uh Kaladin: [grabbing brightlady and audibly sobbing] Brightlady: UH Teft: storms you really broke him  Brighlady: what! I have no idea whats happening! He doesn't even like me! You all must have done something to him! Kaladin:  i thought...i failed you...that I cohldnt save you...i saw you get stab ed Brightlady: oh...huh. you really take that 'protect everyone' thing seriously. Do you do this every time someone you're guarding gets hurt? Moash: yeah... he's pretty much always like this Bridge four: [general nods of agreement] Brightlady: [awkwardly patting kaladin on the back]: well. The good news is i'm much more stab resilient now! Aha. Still would prefer not to... Kaladin: [weeping] Brightlady: come on bridgeman, there's a desolation coming remember? Saving the world and all that? Rest of bridge four: 

Anyway Elhokar somewhat intentionally leads the non Kaladin members of bridge four to believe that the actual Elhokar is dead, and that he (she? No, he, i think. Maybe they? Just - just go by what face i'm wearing!) has taken the king's place through dark magics. He assumes that the bridgemen will like him better if they think he's some sort of unholy kingkilling blood sorcerer, as opposed to the actual elhokar kholin.

Depressingly, he's right.

Unhealthy situationship! They both see each other as a Symbol. Elokhar is the Chance to Save Everyone. Kaladin is the True Hero and Leader. Kaladin starts tutoring elohkar on how to be a good person and leader, blaming his death on not doing so earlier. 

Kaladin's ability to do so is somewhat hindered by his deep unwillingness to see elhokar in danger, and his extreme tendency to take control when he sees something wrong. He objectively recognizes that this was also dalinars problem, but still shakes like a chihuahua sometimes to avoid grabbing elhokhar by the scruff of the neck when he does something stupid. Definitely questionable how qualified kaladin is for teaching, but like. There is progress.

Elhokar uses kaladin ruthlessly as a glowing flying tool to instill fear in his highprinces, which makes kaladins skin crawl a little, but it is helping enforce a lot of social changes protecting darkeyes that he never dreamed could happen. 

Elhokar at somepoint offers to lightweave kaladin and make him king elokhar instead. 

Kaladin doesn't even know where to start unpacking that.

Intriguingly, the whole not seeing the man for the symbol thing, while being Not Great, is also the source of a bit of solid common ground for each other. A few dizzy moments in private where they connect uniquely on what it is to have no friends who are not followers. Of never being allowed to be just a man.

Also some incredibly specific trauma bonding of living through the actual apocalypse. Both have some serious issues regarding dying in the absolute shitshow that was that the unmade palace. Mutual extreme distress when elokhar accidentally lightweaves a flashback. Please imagine a servant walking in on King Elhokar and Lord Stormblessed clinging to one another and shaking on the ceiling while a nightmareish orgy of death takes place beneath them. Paid off extremely well to never discuss what she saw, not that she'd be able to explain it.

Hard to completely cover up because she ran away screaming. Couple people assume the two men were fucking, but honestly most assume by her genuine distress, i mean jokes aside, those are two very good looking men and she was, you know, screaming in terror, so almost definitely not that. Some sort of vision from the almighty? Maybe a voidbringer?? 

Bridgefour, under the impression that 'elhokars' 'true form' is closer to the shadowy nightmare blob they initially saw (do you know how hard it is to lightweave invisibility? It was a rough draft, alright?), are largely convinced that she walked in on that. And maybe them fucking, uncertain about that part. They are initially supportive of their captain's potential monsterfucking (the man deserves to relax) but grow increasingly concerned about some of the red flags in their relationship. 

Anyway, needless to say, dalinar and kaladins dynamic is weird in this one. Still a fair amount of instant mututal respect. But now elhokar is cribbing shamelessly from dalinars hero journey and calling him out  on his tendency to seize power, undermining elokhar. So dalinar feels a lot more wobbly about his place. 

Apparently not even the visions from god are special, elhokar and his secret radiant (a real radiant!) had been receiving some too? Better, more useful ones even? 

And the radiant is taking his place in elhokars trust, and calling him out even MORE for not teaching elhokhar how to be a leader when he was younger, stormfather,  did you want him to fail? how did it get this bad? Fortunately, Dalinar is willing to get humble and Grow. Honestly, dalinar and kaladin are probably in a better place. More mutual trust. Less constant exchange of unpayable debts. Kaladins rank is really confusing, but theyre closer to equals than they were in canon.

Teft: lad we need to talk about you and the Uh. Lightweaver. shapeshifter? Kaladin : what? I thought you guys were warming up to eachother Lopen: gancho they're the best unholy creature i've ever met. Proper respect for herdassian women. Skar: lopen does not agree with this intervention but the rest of us are...concerned. Rock: is how he looks at you that we are worried. Like starving man looks at beloved pet axehound. Kaladin: Kaldin: what? Moash: you know i'm fond of the guy, it's like Skar said, we're a little...concerned. That he wants to, you know, kill and eat you so he can take your place. Kaladin: he wouldn't - he definitely wouldn't eat me. Teft: see, the fact that you didn't immediately argue with the 'murder you to take your place' part of that is concerning. Kaladin: he's just going through a lot. Rock: yes, but way you circle one another...again, like axehound and man, only you change places Kaladin: hes my king! and im secretly tutoring him on how to be a leader! of course our dynamic is going to be odd!  Teft: look its - he's not a normal person. He doesn't know how to...be a human, i don't think.  Kaladin: yeah, sure, I'll give you that. but he's getting better! You saw how he said thank you to sigzil the other day! Moash: kal... Kaladin: i can fix him Moash: kal

Sure hope dalinar never overhears bridgefour and elhokar talking about how glad they are that his nephew is dead and that new elhokar took his place! He definitely wouldn't go into a murderous rage and do something regrettable if he believed that were true!

[the-smut-analyst]

Fantasy Rom-Coms

The genre I never knew I needed. Until I found it.

Short 'n' sweet book rec post today (because I know I've been doing a lot of deep-dive analyses of late). I deserve a break. You deserve a break. So let's do it.

Here's my top three fantasy rom-com series at the moment!

Pick them up if you enjoy a bit of smutty fantasy and are in the mood to laugh.

1. Anything by Kimberly Lemming

I do not know if my tits were built for murder. I don't even think they were built with my back in mind.

Lemming is an auto-buy author for me. This woman is bloody hilarious. The humour is farcical and somewhat absurdist, which is my absolute favourite style. I grew up with the likes of Monty Python, The Mighty Boosh, and The Confessions of Georgia Nicholson - so Lemming's work is right up my alley.

Her character Alexis, the dirty-talking sword (yes, you read that correctly) is, in my mind, nothing short of comedic genius.

"Oh my god, chip my steal, you're so annoying," Alexis snapped. "Maybe if you fixed your attitude and took a bath once in a while, women would talk to you. You smell like old cheese and a mother's regret."

I know some reviewers have been thrown off my the modern vernacular in Lemming's work, due to its medieval-like fantasy setting. However, I think that is exactly what makes these books so good (and refreshing).

The love interests speak a bit more "ye oldy", while the female protagonists speak like we do. The result is something akin to what might happen if a modern romance reader were dropped into a smutty fantasy world. It's brilliant. For example:

"Every scratch," he whispered, his tone gentle and comforting. "Every bruise, I will pay back in fire and blood." I blinked. "Um... that is so sweet but so unnecessary."

I'd recommend reading Lemming's work in publication order, which is as follows (links included):

That Time I Got Drunk and Saved a Demon

Mistlefoe (novella - available with KU)

That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

Two Scoops of Hellfire (novella - standalone - available with KU)

A Bump in Boohail (novella - available with KU)

That Time I Got Drunk and Saved a Human

2. Alphas of Nasila series by V.K. Ludwig

“If you ever see me running in heels, then you better run, too,” she says with a scoff. “What am I supposed to run away from, anyway?” “Me!” “Why? You got a chase kink or something?”

The best way I can think to describe this series is that it is Omegaverse satire. The pairings are alien males and human females, and the smut / romance includes all your fairly standard A/B/O tropes - with the exception of non-con. The consent is refreshingly solid here.

Book one of this series, Heat for Hire, was actually my entry into the Omegaverse. If you're unfamiliar with the genre, then this is a good place to start because the protagonist, Elli, is unfamiliar with how alpha/omega pairings work. So all the... ahem... knotting, heat cycles, etc. are explained via her first experience of them.

My skin prickles at the memory of Rhen’s growl. But only until I remember that I rubbed myself to orgasm on a civil servant.

However, book two, Knot for Nest is by far the best of the series, in my opinion. The chemistry between the two protagonists, Lucy and Tjor, is brilliant - and it's just a genuinely hilarious read. Lucy is a snarky, independent omega who absolutely knows how to play the big, bad alphas to her advantage.

Book three, Purr for Purchase, is a lot higher angst (and less comedic) than its predecessors. It wasn't really my cup of tea, but that's just because I'm not a huge fan of pregnancy in romance.

If you've tried the Omegaverse before but not enjoyed it because of the power imbalances or dub/non-con, then I'd still recommend this series. The Omega / Alpha dynamic is very much reserved for the bedroom and does not reflect how the couple interacts outside of it. This is particularly true of Lucy and Tjor. She might enjoy being "dominated" during sex, but she genuinely holds all the power in the relationship.

“Big, bad alpha, all calm and well-behaved between my thighs.”

The characters in each Alphas of Nasila book are interconnected and the events chronological. However, you do not necessarily have to read these books in order. If you're sceptical of the Omegaverse in general, start with book two. All these novels are available with KU.

3. Claws & Cubicles Series by Kate Prior

Some people really haven’t adjusted to life under the Dark Reign of Terror yet. Some things are different, but honestly it’s all cosmetic. Things aren’t that different from when we had a normal, living CEO.

This series is like The Office, but with monsters (and smut). The dry, relatable humour of a boring corporate job - but with non-human co-workers like orcs, the undead, etc - is genius.

The comedy definitely leans into that classic British deadpan / understatement style. Think IT Crowd, Faulty Towers, and After Life. I think anyone who's ever worked in an office will definitely be smirking and chuckling their way through this series.

“You could have just called me in. I’ve got skin.” I wonder if that last remark is rude or something. After all, he doesn’t really have skin, to my knowledge. I hope I don’t have to take an undead sensitivity training class now.

Book one, Live Laugh Lich, gets pretty kinky (the MMC has three... er... yes). The smut here isn't going to be for everyone. But I liked the humour so much that I didn't really mind if the intimate scenes weren't my cup of tea.

However book two, The Orc From the Office, holds a much broader appeal, I think. I adored this installment. I'd recommend pushing through and reading this, even if you had mixed feelings on book one. The orc MMC is a socially awkward cinnamon roll and I love him.

I wonder distantly if my health insurance covers being eviscerated by Orc cock.

Book three, The Gargoyle from General Management, left me a bit wanting in terms of the character development. However, the setting of everyone being away together on a company retreat was comedy gold.

All of the Claws & Cubicles books are available on KU.

That's all! I hope you enjoy the smutty rom-com fantasy recs!

This post includes affiliate links to help me create content. No pressure to use them! But if you do, I'll be very grateful :)

[ninjahiccups]

The Songbird of Asgard

Chapter 18: ...And Lies

AO3 Masterlist Word Count: 12.3k Warnings: Usual GoW violence

With the path decided there are now consequences to face. The question is, will those consequences change the direction it goes?

Part two!

This will probably be the last thing I post for the year, I've got some things coming up that will keep me busy. But I promise I'll be back soon!

And if anyone has any feedback for how the main cast is written (mostly Kratos, he's difficult) then please feel free to share!

Freya managed to get Freyr quiet and calm enough to remain stable, the dwarves had fixed up Kratos and Atreus's equipment, and now all they had to do was decide how they would approach their counterattack. It was a strategy meeting that they were all planning on participating in, but only Kratos and Freya managed to stay focused with the blaring distraction that no one could get over.

“Do you have to sit so far away?”

“I've been here the entire time, you're the one who's far away.”

“Could you at least move a little closer? I'm doing this for you.”

“And is it my fault you chose to make this harder?”

The almost constant back and forth between Heimdall and Eivor that never ended in one of them throwing up their hands and cursing the other out was astonishing to their audience. How Eivor managed to be so patient, and the fact that Heimdall more than tolerated her back talk, all while they both seemed to enjoy themselves was far from what anyone expected to see. Especially from the scion, further proving everything Eivor had told them. 

Atreus was the most amused by their interactions, finding it absolutely hilarious that the most ornery being in all the realms could be ordered around by one of the nicest.

“Heimdall, please just lean over, I can't reach your sleeve,” Eivor sighed, letting the needle and thread fall down to her lap. She had managed to find a comfortable position to sew up the hole in the back of his sleeve, but he wasn't giving her much room to work with for the one on the front side.

He would continue to do so as well. “No.”

“Well if you won't take off your tunic —”

“I am not undressing a single layer in public.”

“And you won't lean over so I can reach, how am I supposed to fix it?”

“It can't be that hard.”

Eivor all but snarled, “It definitely is, and I'm not going to give up just to listen to you complain about this hole later.”

“Why would —”

“You will. I know you.” Heimdall only frowned at her. “Why won't you just lean over?” she asked while picking up the thread again and moving as close as she could in her chair without impeding the movement she needed to sew.

“Because it's uncomfortable.”

That answer turned everything around. Eivor put on an exaggerated pout and an overly sympathetic voice as she managed to get the needle through the fabric just once. “Awwww does it hurt?”

“Stop it.”

“Do I need to give you a big hug to make you feel better, Dall?”

Atreus, who was sitting at the opposite end of the kitchen table near Freyr, had to hold in a snicker at that, but the horned severed head on the table didn't try nearly as hard.

“Do not call me that here!” He growled under his breath, suddenly remembering it wasn't just Eivor listening to him. It was amazing how quickly he forgot where he was when he had her full attention.

“Oh, you don't like it?” A mischievous glint shined in those green eyes, one he didn't care for at all. “Then maybe I should call you —”

“Do NOT!!!!”

Eivor snickered to herself at his sudden interruption, loving that just the suggestion of uttering his other, more embarrassing nickname in the open sent him reeling. “Then lean over for me and I won't.”

“I said it's uncomfortable.”

Despite the threats, she made no progress on Heimdall's attitude or her sewing. She tried to get one more stitch in while stuck in her hindering position as she chastised, “Honestly, Heimdall, you are such a baby.”

That did it. “I am not a baby!” A line that triggered more laughing from Atreus, feeling like he was finally getting some revenge by witnessing this.

Barely holding in a giggle while still attempting to sew, Eivor mocked, “Yes you are, you're a big ol’ whiny baby.”

Regaining some of his cool when he heard even more laughter from the runt just a few paces away, he bluntly replied, “I'm in the perfect position to push you.”

“Awww is the big baby going to push me? Or is that too hard too?”

Just as he said, with Eivor seated at the very edge of the chair, crossed legs and and shifting most of her weight forward, Heimdall only needed to lift his other arm and give the slightest push to her shoulder for her to lose balance and teeter to one side, her hand shooting down to catch herself before she went too far. Heimdall smirked at the sudden shift in her, going from impish to irritated. While holding up her needle and pointing it at him she scolded, “If you do that again I will stab you in the face with this, you know I will. Now lean over!” Her hands waved at him wildly, tired of arguing over this.

Thankfully, Heimdall broke first, scoffing as he finally leaned his torso closer to her, straining his core a bit but dealing with it so they could move on.

“Thank you, was that so hard?” The exasperation in her voice was enough consolation to make Heimdall chuckle, startling the onlookers with his good mood despite his annoyance. In just a minute she sewed up the hole, making it look good as new. “See? It wouldn't have taken so long if you weren't fighting me the whole time.” Picking up the needle and thread, Eivor stood to return to Sindri's forge, sounding like a mother directing a child as she requested, “Now roll up your sleeve, I'm going to fix that armored shirt underneath.”

Already sick of the watchful company surrounding them, he refused, sounding every bit like said hypothetical child when he grumbled, “I don't want to have it fixed right now.”

“Well that's too bad because I'm doing it now. Roll up your sleeve.” 

Eivor turned and headed to the forge while Heimdall sighed and did as she asked, pausing when he heard uncontrolled chortles next to him, finding Atreus covering his mouth to stay quiet. “What is so funny?!”

“Oh, nothing!” Mimir howled, unable to hold it in any longer.

Atreus made the mistake of clarifying. “Y-you just do everything she says!”

It took every ounce of Heimdall's control not to ditch the truce and leap out of his chair to pummel the runt. “That's not true.”

Doing him no favors, Eivor called over her shoulder with a hint of warning, “It better be!”

Caught between looking horrible and giving Eivor reasons to make him look even worse than he could manage on his own, Heimdall glared at the boy and snarled, “Shut your mouth or I'll gut you!”

Kratos's eyes, which had been trained on Freya as they spoke near the front door, looked over at Heimdall, ready to warn him only once. Freya managed to save them both. “Atreus, would you mind getting more herbs for Freyr? Mimir should be able to help you pick the right ones.”

Trying not to cackle even louder at Eivor's final line, he only nodded and picked up Mimir, taking the long way around the table to avoid walking past Heimdall, who absolutely would have tripped him.

Eivor shook her head as she handed Sindri the thread for him to put away, already exhausted with the constant damage control. A break was offered when Freya quietly asked, “Eivor, a moment?” She joined up with the two leaders, worried by their lowered voices. “Kratos and I have been deciding how to handle the Einherjar. We believe it's best to inform our allies of what we're doing and have them remain at the camp, where it is the most secure. Based on my knowledge and previous attacks, I am certain I know which sections of the jungle the Aesir have made into strongholds, a large camp on one end of the river, and two smaller ones on the other.”

“But one of these areas is unfamiliar to Atreus and I,” Kratos added.

“Yes, and frankly it's more dangerous. The best plan to avoid being overwhelmed by reinforcements is to split up, but that would mean between the three of us, someone would have to go alone.”

Eivor nodded, still unsure of what they would ask of her. “All three of you are capable warriors, even Atreus for his age.”

“That is true…” Freya began, glancing at Kratos, “but we cannot agree on how to split up. I don't want Kratos or Atreus to go through a dangerous part of the jungle without a proper guide, so I have to take that route. Going there on my own would be risky — after all, I'm sure Odin wouldn't waste a chance to do some harm while I'm alone, and as comfortable as I am fighting, I only have two hands.”

“Maybe bring Atreus with you and send Kratos alone?” Eivor suggested, certain that they had already considered that.

“That was Kratos's solution, but I'm personally not fond of bringing Atreus to fight Einherjar among chaotic wildlife and poisonous plants, even by Vanaheim's standards. My solution was to send Atreus to the more familiar parts of the jungle alone, thinking he can handle it —”

“I do not trust sending him without aid now that we have Gjallarhorn. Odin may use him to force an exchange,” Kratos explained, showing no indication that his mind would change.

Freya didn't attempt to. “And that is a perspective I respect. The best compromise would be to bring a fourth party with us, and you are the best candidate. However…”

There it was. Eivor could see how their dilemma had gotten even bigger. “You don't want to leave Heimdall here with everyone else.”

Kratos paused, glancing at the scion as he watched them curiously. “Correct.”

“To be honest, he wouldn't want to stay here either. I'm positive he would rather go with me.”

“We had speculated as much. But if Freya will not allow Atrues to venture into the unexplored portion of the jungle, then I will have to go with her. And that would leave you to travel with Atreus.”

…and that would mean Atrues would be traveling with Heimdall. 

Quite a predicament indeed.

This was far from ideal, and Eivor could only hope the worst case scenario didn't play out, but she couldn't let Freya's found family suffer more than they already had. Counting on Heimdall wanting to go with her, Eivor wordlessly held out her hand to Kratos.

The old god recognized the motion, having experienced it twice before. He held out his left hand, letting Eivor take it and cast her teleportation spell on his shield again, the thread fading when she looked up at his aged eyes. “If he is in any danger, regardless of its source, I will call you.” Her quiet voice paused for a moment, pouring out her honesty and sincerity with eye contact. “I won't let you lose a loved one to save one of mine.” A painful vow from the beginning, but one that would be even worse if her call would be what led to Heimdall's end. She would use every tool in her arsenal to keep anyone from getting hurt. Even if Heimdall was furious with her for making him look bad.

Kratos stared at her thoughtfully for a moment. He worried for his son, but he knew the kind of power she had very well. A power that was quiet and caring, but stronger than the tide in a thunderstorm. 

A power that Faye wielded just as skillfully.

He gave her one shallow nod. “Very well.” He looked to Freya for her approval, which she gave with a nod of her own. Their path decided, Kratos made the final command. “Atreus. We are leaving.”

“And where are we going, exactly?” Heimdall bellowed, catching on right away. 

Atreus jogged over to the group, and once he was there Kratos instructed, “We will split up. I will go with Freya, you will stay with Eivor.”

While Atreus agreed to that, Heimdall stood and stomped over, appalled that he had been ignored. “Excuse me, are you forgetting about someone?”

“Heimdall,” Eivor scolded.

He cut her off, finding her far too precious to be thrown back into the front lines with a bunch of hoodlums. The point she made during their tumultuous reunion still applied to her. If she wanders around without him to convince All-Father she was worth forgiving she could be killed, and he wouldn't let that happen. “You can't go back there.” 

“I'm going, Heimdall.”

“You're not going.”

That fire he loved so much flared up enough to burn him, her disdain of his ordering her around like a servant only making her more resolute. “Look, you can stay or you can come with me. Whether you do or not, I am going.”

It was a standoff. Two stubborn individuals staring each other down, waiting for one of them to back off and give in. Heimdall could see right away that she wasn't going to listen to him, leaving him with limited options, none of which he cared for in the slightest. In just moments he sighed in defeat, glancing at Atreus and then Kratos before relenting. “Fine. But I'm going with you.” He hated that he would actively be taking part in this useless endeavor, but he wouldn't take another chance, not after he thought he'd lost her. Besides, this could be an opportunity for him to get Eivor away from these miscreants and bring her back to the safety of Asgard, and that was an outcome he liked.

“Then it is settled,” Kratos announced, not waiting for another disagreement. 

Atreus handed Mimir to his father, mumbling to him, “Do I have to?” Exploring the jungle? Why not. Exploring with Eivor? Sure. With Heimdall? He'd rather be eaten by a fanged flower.

Unfortunately for the boy who predicted an awful night, his plea had no effect. “For now,” Kratos whispered back, not berating his son for the rueful “great” he said under his breath. The God of War turned and started for the door without any further comments, his actions alone getting his entourage to follow. As the door closed behind them Brok called out, “None of ya go dyin’ out there now!”

The unspoken consensus among the group?

This was going to be a long night.

It took only minutes for them to start bickering.

What was most unfortunate was Atreus's increase in bravery after seeing Heimdall be so tame with Eivor.

“You don't even know where we're going, do you?”

“If you know so well then how about you lead?”

“I'd much rather let you display your incompetence for as long as possible.”

“That's a funny way of admitting you're lost.”

“Ha! I'd be more than happy to make sure you get lost and are never seen again.”

When Freya and Kratos went their own way, after they agreed to meet back at the realm gate once they were finished, they both gave Eivor a worried look, one that she dismissed with a confident nod to assure them they had nothing to be afraid of. Now she was thinking their roles should have been reversed. Out of anyone on this trip, she would gladly say she was the most miserable. “Boys, please. Can we get along for just five minutes?”

Atreus sighed, “Tell me about it.”

Heimdall, however, gave an answer that his two allies expected. “It's hard to see eye to eye with a snake.”

“No, seriously, both of you,” Eivor made them stop their tense walk down the jungle path to look at her, glaring at both of them in a way that would make even the mightiest crumble. “Heimdall, stop being a jerk. Atreus, enough with the attitude. Just move on. Please?”

The scion only sighed, but Atreus took a moment to think about this. Eivor was actually a little…scary when she got this serious. A part of him understood why not even Heimdall would argue with her for long. But he'd rather die than admit that. “Fine,” Atreus grumbled, leading them forward again. “But we're getting close—”

“Oh I know,” Heimdall interrupted solely to remind the boy that he knew exactly where the camps were and was simply choosing not to share, earning an impatient nudge from Eivor.

Rolling his eyes, Atreus finished, “Then at least try to be helpful so we can get to the next one fast?”

“On your right.”

“Huh?” Atreus yelped when an Einherjar leapt from the trees to strike them, having reflexes just quick enough to grab his bow and bat the soldier away, then preparing an arrow to shoot at the reinforcements coming at them fast.

Heimdall chuckled, “It seems not even my help can get you to perform, hm?”

Atreus grit his teeth at the comment, but chose to make ample use of the frustration rather than letting it fester, as his father taught him. At this point he openly welcomed an outlet for his need to punch Heimdall.

The boy didn't hesitate when the few members of the preemptive attack were down and made the short sprint into a clearing that the camp was settled into. Eivor moved to join him, stopping only when she felt Heimdall's hand on her arm. “Why not let him handle this? I'd rather not do something to make matters worse.”

Eivor felt her heart sink a little, seeing an implication that he had already decided on going back to Asgard at some point and expected her to follow. She was hurt by how loyal he was even without the spell over him, but she also couldn't say she didn't expect it. Spell or no spell, anyone would fall back on the only life they ever knew, needing more than a few hours to see just how distorted their perception was. It made her worry about how much harder it would hit him when it became apparent that the knowledge he had was far from the truth, how he would handle learning just how extreme his ignorance was. For a brief moment she could only wonder how she would tell him just how little he knew, or how to deliver the cold reality of the magic chains he'd been wearing for so long. If there weren't Einherjar and a young god fighting nearby she would have had to take a breather to dismiss the despair the thought of his devastation brought her.

Unfortunately, the truth would have to wait. 

Shelving her own feelings to pay more attention to her promise to Kratos, focusing on keeping the boy in their company safe. Tearing her arm free, Eivor found a way to get Heimdall to think just a bit deeper about his decision to sit out as she backed off to head into the fray. “That's a shame. It's been a while since we had some fun like this, but I guess I'll have that with Atreus instead.”

The playful lilt to her taunt and the smirk she gave him as she joined the jötun told him everything he needed to know. Using his jealousy and pride to get him to join in this useless charade. No, he wouldn't let it get to him.

He watched for a bit, telling himself that he was above the rebellion he was witnessing, but seeing Eivor in action, with all of her grace and beauty and skill, it reminded him of those days they spent exploring together, making bets and doing everything they could to one up the other. When was the last time they got to do that? Not since Eivor had finished looking for the artifact, actually, and that left him with more confusion than he ever noticed. If he and Eivor worked so well together and enjoyed being on a team, why wouldn't All-Father let them do it more often? Why force him to do things with people he hated? Did he never earn a single task he could do with the one person he liked?

He had earned that at least, and that was something he wouldn't deny.

It was a question he pushed aside, setting it with all the other strange ideas that had crossed his mind since this mess began. That also helped him decide that he, in fact, was owed some excitement with the one person he cared about, even if the runt was there to dampen the experience, and that was something he would have. 

Besides, they were just Einherjar. It's not like they wouldn't come back. He'd thrown them around for decades now, it was surely something that could be forgiven.

Eventually he did join in, casually slicing through the Einherjar until he caught up with Eivor, who raised an eyebrow at him and looked too pleased for his liking. All he could say was, “I don't want to hear it.”

His focus was on remaining close to Eivor, ensuring none of the stupid brutes got close enough to her, but she made it increasingly difficult as she kept following Atreus, who bounded and hopped across the field, having no reservations and no fear of the hardened warriors, knocking them over left and right, barely needing any support from either of the capable gods near him. It caught Heimdall's eye, seeing that Atreus was more skilled than he had assumed in Asgard, but quickly brushed it off. He sincerely thought the half-breed would have to be bailed out at least three times before they were done with the first camp alone. At least that was a pleasant surprise.

Eivor caught his glances, not wasting the perfect opportunity to poke at him. “Heimdall, are you…” a pause while she momentarily took Gna's shroud and shoved an Einherjar with a huge hammer away like he was wearing paper rather than heavy armor, “dare I say, impressed with Atreus?”

Heimdall scoffed while he sidestepped and tripped another enemy that clumsily swung at him. “Oh look, he isn't dead yet. I'm sooo impressed.” 

Thick with sarcasm, but the fact that he didn't refute her claim was answer enough. “I knoooow! It's almost incredible how well people can do when you aren't being an ass to them!” She laughed at his annoyed frown as one of her barriers flew out and smashed into another captain, grinning like they were at a celebration rather than fighting amongst the mud and blood surrounding them. Heimdall found himself smiling ear to ear, having missed the sight of her so much, and relishing in her beautiful display of magic. It was welcome, it was enchanting, it was… fun. A kind of fun he wished he was allowed to have more than once. Perhaps if he weren't so busy at the moment he would have noticed the flicker of resentment the thought brought out.

Atreus had to regain his composure when he took a cautious gander at Heimdall, making sure he wasn't doing anything suspicious amongst the commotion. Seeing Heimdall smiling, and in a way that wasn't full of mockery or cruelty or ire of some kind, only containing the joy one would see in every other smile, was so foreign that he had to confirm that he wasn't hallucinating. It was strange to see the watchman enjoying himself without putting down another. It was almost like he was human.

A ball of bifröst and a shattering of golden light later, there was only one Einherjar left, and it was finished by Atreus shooting an arrow to its face as he pinned it down with a foot to the chest. “Are you okay?” Eivor asked as the boy caught his breath, forcing himself not to look at Heimdall to see if he still looked like a normal person.

Atreus checked his surroundings, remaining alert until he was certain there was no more danger and slung his bow back over his shoulder. “Yeah, I'm good. I think that's all of them.”

Of course, Heimdall had to take a jab at him for making an obvious statement. “Really? I hadn't noticed.”

“You didn't? Guess that foresight of yours isn't as good as you think it is,” Atreus shot right back, quieting whatever part of him thought Heimdall might actually be able to feel any inkling of happiness.

“Don't start,” Eivor snapped before Heimdall could even open his mouth to fight back. “Don't start again, you guys were doing so well.”

“We weren't even talking,” Atreus shrugged with disbelief.

“Exactly. You two do so much better when you just. Don't. Talk. To each other.”

“I'm okay with that, honestly,” Atreus said, ignoring the glower Heimdall threw his way. Though he had to agree. He would much prefer if the kid would be quiet. Or dead. Either worked for him. 

Just like the first round, Atreus led them through the jungle until they came across the next camp, this one taking a bit longer to track down, thanks to Heimdall's unwillingness to give him any clue as to exactly where it was. When he did manage to find it he could see that this fight wouldn't be quite as straightforward. The second camp was placed around a trio of enormous trees in the center of a clearing, the one in the center of the cluster taller than a mountain, the other two about half its size. They were surrounded by elevated rock faces, the camp structures placed in between the more reasonably sized plant life, aside from the one cliff that had a trickling waterfall flowing down into a tiny pond that was barely large enough to allow a bath. With such a major site, it took the Einherjar lookouts no time to spot them. As if it was a routine, Atreus went right to work, Eivor kept a close eye on him, and Heimdall begrudgingly let Atreus have the lead while he watched Eivor, much more concerned about her than anyone else. 

Just like that, it was over. It felt too easy.

With the area having so much cover Atreus, as his father would put it, took the necessary time to double check the area, climbing across the rocks and keeping an eye out for any trace of leftover Einherjar waiting for them to turn their backs, not trusting Heimdall when he claimed the coast was clear. As much as he hated to prove him right, Heimdall wasn't lying and he found no signs of any more adversaries. 

Eivor saw Atreus walking back to the edge of the stone, brushing past some shrub branches on his way. “Find anything?”

Atreus sneered at Heimdall for a moment, seeing his arrogant smirk. “Yeah, I think we're done.” He stepped up to the edge, preparing to jump down and regroup. “Now we just —” His sentence was cut off when sharp black talons grabbed him by the belt and yanked him backwards, making him yelp as he was thrown into the trees and practically disappeared. 

Eivor wanted to spin back to Heimdall and ask if he didn't tell Atreus something was still out there on purpose, or if he didn't see that coming either. The words would never come out, her own shocked shriek escaping her when a blue and purple bifröst chain wrapped around her and heaved her behind Heimdall. The scion turned to follow her, growling in rage that whoever was left deliberately attacked her, and because he somehow had missed two unseen attacks. He was even more appalled to find just a simple Einherjar captain, wearing completely average armor with eyes shining through the openings of his helmet, holding the other end of the bifröst chain. Heimdall couldn't keep up the fury at the sight of such a stupid and easy opponent and laughed, both in disbelief and offense. “Are you serious? You have the nerve to—”

He was cut off when a shard of bifröst shaped like a blade cloaked in sickly green magic grew between two links in the chain that were positioned over Eivor's chest. The captain hauled her closer, the blade coming far too close to her skin as she was dragged to his side to sit on the ground at his feet. It wasn't the blade or the rough treatment that made him freeze, however. It was the captain's voice that sounded as his hand shouted out a command for Heimdall to stop.

“Hold on just a minute, Heimdall!”

That voice. Spoken as if he wasn't wearing a helmet, like the armor wasn't even real.

He knew that voice. One he had obeyed every single day of his life.

“A-All-Father…?”

As confirmation a green crystal raven flew across the captain's face, its translucent body giving Heimdall a peek behind the cloak to see a much older visage with only one eye, perfectly framed by the three dark tree trunks behind him.

Heimdall felt everything in his body turn to ice. He stopped, stiff as stone that was as old as time itself, unable to even move a fraction of an inch. There he was, committing the worst crime and Aesir could ever carry out, and he had been caught red-handed. He couldn't even think straight, had no way to decide where to even begin explaining how he ended up here or how long he should beg for forgiveness.

In the end he could only remain silent and listen as the All-Father spoke to him as Eivor stared at Heimdall, praying he would look at her again so she could tell him not to listen. “You'll have to forgive the disguise,” Odin chuckled casually, as if he wasn't holding a goddess's life in his hands. “As you know, my face isn't a welcome one in these parts.” Odin paused, pacing just a few steps at a time as he lowered his hand. “I must say…I'm disappointed.”

It hurt. That word hurt Heimdall worse than any wound could, feeling his entire body grow heavier as if he was collapsing into his own chest. His throat was dry and his eyes were locked on the god he owed his life to — the one who had raised him as his own even though he had an entire realm to lead. Eivor was subtly shaking her head in hopes that the movement would get his attention, knowing exactly how to ensure Odin didn't get his way.

“After all this time, after so many years of good service, dedication, and loyalty for your people and the greater good… this is where you end up?” The sharp words stung like burning needles stabbing into every pore on his skin, singing every inch of his body and leaving him too paralyzed to put the flames out. His instinctive reaction was to look at Eivor for comfort. She was the only thing that managed to thaw out the layer of ice that had taken over his being when she mouthed a message to him over and over.

“Read him.”

An odd request given that she knew he couldn't read Odin, and even if he could he was far too ashamed of himself to look the All-Father in the eyes, unworthy of such an honor. Which made Odin's response even more odd. After Heimdall looked down at Eivor for too long, he pulled on the chain around her, bringing that ethereal dagger over her a little closer to her chest, making her silent messages stop all together. Odin knew Heimdall had no power against such a mighty being like himself, so why would he try to silence her? Heimdall couldn't say he thought about it long enough, too trapped by the sheer disdain Odin held in both his demeanor and his words.

Odin continued as if he hadn't made a vague threat to his prisoner. “You gave all of that up, for what? A pretty face?” He gestured to Eivor with an incredulous laugh, shaking his head in a way that made Heimdall's stomach tie itself into knots. “Anything you have to say?”

Many things, but none of them were willing to come out. He surprised himself with one restrained thought relating to his comment about Eivor. Referring to her as nothing more than a pretty face? To him it was an insult of the highest caliber, looking past all of the things about her that made her so much better than everyone else, traits that Odin clearly recognized considering he was the one who brought her to Asgard in the first place. As that point came to mind, he was reminded of other times when Odin said something unfavorable about Eivor, all of which he had just…ignored. But this time was different. This time he felt the anger rising and staying there like it never had before, the fear being the only thing that got him to bury it for the time being.

At his silence Odin sighed, throwing up a hand only to let it fall back down and slap his side, but it sounded and felt forced. Rehearsed. And Eivor believed it was all to emphasize what he chose to say next. A master puppeteer completely in his element for the performance. “Y'know, I thought I finally got one. I thought you were the only one I got.”

Heimdall furrowed his brow while his hands shook, terrified of what he would say. The one good servant? The one decent god? The one reliable ally? Every single one would be a devastating status to lose. 

He could only brace himself.

“I thought you were the only one of mine who turned out right.”

Not even a bug made a sound.

The entire jungle seemed to fade into a lifeless wasteland when Heimdall and Eivor took in that phrase, the latter feeling an uncontrollable rage consume her at the Aesir king's blatant manipulation. Heimdall's eyes drifted to and fro, the realization dawning on him in a way that only made him even more confused and dumbfounded, regaining control when Odin spoke again. “Yes, before you ask. That means exactly what you think it means.”

His entire body shivered. 

All-Father was… his real father?

And he never knew? Was never told?

Heimdall couldn't make sense of it. It was such a massive secret, a huge part of his identity that was kept from him, but for what? And why bring it up now, after all this time?

Eivor could put it together right away. Heimdall and his foresight were invaluable to Odin, and with something like that he wanted complete control and absolute loyalty, and he would be willing to sink to the lowest depths to get it. To him, shared blood was not enough of a guarantee. Children would always rebel, breaking away from their parent's authority and rules eventually as they grow into their own person, regardless of how close they are to their parents. And that was not the kind of relationship Odin wanted. That was too risky. But to be a savior? To be indebted to a figure that could never be pleased? That was how he would get the devotion he wanted, far more than he could get by facing the obligations of a parent. He could have fulfilled them and earned such a loyal son. But no. That was too hard. He wanted the easy way out, no matter who got hurt or what the consequences were, so long as he got what he wanted in the end.

It was sickening.

Heimdall slowly shook his head, unable to spit out any sound. He had no words. How was he supposed to respond when Odin was still the one he admired for his entire life? While he still had Eivor chained and threatened right in front of him. Two very different extremes all at once, and he somehow had to figure out how both could coexist with a life on the line and a king waiting for answers.

Again, the old Aesir waved a hand like it was nothing, chortling like it was funny to him. The dryness to it made Heimdall flinch. “I know, definitely not a good time to bring it up, but believe me, it was for your own good. Your mothers, whoo, they were something else, I tell ya. If you knew ‘em you'd be grateful you were spared.”

…”them?” 

That sentence alone brought up so many more questions. 

“But we can talk more about that later, after all this is settled, eh?” The All-Father could feel Eivor sneering at him with blazing hatred, wanting so badly to grind him into plant food, but he couldn't care less. She was basically irrelevant to him. “Now, Heimdall, you know me. I understand that we all make mistakes. I understand that even you can make mistakes. I get it, really.”

Heimdal found himself blown away by how gentle Odin was, sounding like he was consoling his servant rather than reprimanding him. All of his past errors were met with harsh criticism and cold unforgiveness with a side of higher expectations that he always felt compelled to meet, even if it would cost him his time, sanity, life, or all three. A part of him was actually relieved and grateful that he was met with such a kind confrontation. Another was still too confused to understand why the change was so sudden. This was his worst crime yet, and this was the one he hadn't been ridiculed for?

Once more he looked down at Eivor for some balance of support, finding her mouthing the phrase even more urgently.

“READ HIM.”

Odin didn't miss her second attempt, ripping the chain back even harder and making the blade graze her chest, the cold magic left behind that coated the burning skin like lava.

“So I'll cut you a deal.”

Heimdall's eyes were watching the tiny gash on Eivor, his instincts, for the first time in his life, speaking up to say that  the wound wasn't an accident. It was deliberate. A message. 

Don't look at her, don't listen to her, or else. 

For her safety, he looked back at Odin, listening carefully and praying his instincts were mistaken.

“You know I don't make these kinds of agreements with just anybody, but in return for all the good you've done for Asgard I can make an exception.” Odin raised his hands, lifting the chain just a little as he opened his free hand as if he was releasing something. “I'll let all this go. All of it, gone. Like it never happened. You can come back home, go back to your duties, get the life you had back, and no one will ever know about this blunder.”

Heimdall heard that statement and felt the temptation of his words, especially when Odin reminded him that all of this was a giant mistake. Put all this behind him, save his position, his status, and his reputation? How could he refuse such an outstanding gift? But he felt it again. His instincts, yelling at him to keep a discreet eye on Eivor. He glanced down at her, briefly to keep her from being cut again, only looking in her eyes for short moments to see what she wanted to say without her having to move a muscle. 

It was the same message.

“Read him.”

“This one, on the other hand,” Odin said, words growing more stern as he jostled the chain in his hand, the ghostly whooshing sound of them making his spine tremble, “won't be coming back. But…I'll let her go, scott free. I'll pretend she didn't cause this whole kerfuffle.”

Heimdall shook his head, trying to look stunned to avoid drawing attention but glancing at Eivor halfway through as a means to give her an answer. “I can't,” the action said silently.

“You can.”

What made her think that?

“On one condition.”

Heimdall winced at the commanding tone Odin adopted, watching as his hand reached out to him, palm up. He spoke only one word. 

“Gjallarhorn.”

A single phrase that made his entire being nearly shrivel up into dust on the spot. To give up Gjallarhorn was to give up his title, his destiny, his symbol of achievement and prestige. To lose that meant he had lost everything.

Except Eivor.

Which was the only reason he was willing to do it. A possibility that the blue eyes witnessing the exchange were afraid of. And waiting for.

“Don't give me that look, I promise it's not because of you,” Odin reassured, though Heimdall doubted the sincerity before he could help it. “With everything that's happened and all the people who want it  I just think it's best to keep it locked up somewhere until it's time to use it. And hope it ends up staying there forever.” His voice grew lighter and softer, more comforting than commanding. “And that's it. Do that and you can come home. You'll be welcome with open arms. And Eivor can live. That's a lot better than letting her be on the run, right? That's a lot more than she'll get if she's caught by noble Aesir, like the Valkyries, don't you think?”

Yes, it was. If he had to choose between being with Eivor or her being alive, he would, despite how miserable it would be, he would rather not wait for her to die. It was far from an outcome he wanted but was the best he could get. Did he even have another option?

He couldn't see one.

And he would rather live without Eivor and his titles than put her through more pain than he already had.

That stung, the thought of everything he'd done to her. Far more than anything Odin's disapproval did to him.

Perhaps All-Father was right…He had already seen so many times that he didn't deserve her. Maybe he should give her up to make her happy. And safe. Maybe All-Father's wisdom was guiding him, like it always did. Maybe it would be better this way…

“You're smart enough to know the right choice,” Odin added, making himself very sweet and kind as he used one last comment to drive it home. “You really are, son.”

Unfortunately, it worked. Heimdall was leaning more towards returning to his captor rather than running away from him.

Eivor's teeth grinded together, her jaw cramping from the amount of pressure they applied. He knew exactly what he was doing. Saving all of the confessions and endearments until it would serve him the most, using it all to mask that he was only serving himself. She really had never been more disgusted. 

She wouldn't let him get away with it. Even if it cost her life.

Slowly, mind still in shambles from Odin's final word ringing in his head, Heimdall reached behind him to take Gjallarhorn off of his belt. To give Odin what he asked for, as he always did. Going back to who he used to be before her. Letting it all go for the sake of comfortable familiarity.

But it just…it just wasn't fair.

As childish as it sounded, he was adamant about that. His entire life selflessly spent in service, never asking for anything in return, and this was all All-Father could do for him? 

And All-Father would ask him to go back to that service knowing it would destroy him? Then what was even the point of taking him back?

It didn't feel right. Something just wasn't right.

His eyes went to Eivor again, wanting so badly to hear her speak and make this nightmare end, only finding one phrase in her mind.

“Trust me.”

Trust her. 

He did trust her, always and forever. She never made him wonder. 

But, after all this, Odin had given him reason to doubt.

With that, it was much easier to choose who to listen to.

Swallowing the lump in his throat and slowing his shaky arm as it brought Gjallarhorn around to his front, ears ringing and eyes hazy, Heimdall finally looked up at Odin, straight into those disguised eyes. 

It was shocking enough to feel anything, but he did. Normally whenever he looked Odin in the eyes he would see nothing, a blank slate of nonexistence, as if his foresight couldn't see anything at all. This time there was something there, but not a mind. A wall, blocking him, very much like the barrier he felt when he first met Eivor, forbidding him from seeing what was inside. But he had to get through. He wanted to see if everything Odin had revealed was true despite how horrifying it was to breach such a sacred place. As Gjallarhorn gradually floated into Odin's view and he took his time reaching forward, he took a closer look at this wall blocking his sight. He had spent years chipping away at Eivor's, her wall one of stone and metal that he had yet to crack. Odin's was much weaker by comparison, like old wood fencing ready to fall apart in the wind, and it was almost too easy to push over. Then there it was.

He could see into the mind of the untouchable All-Father.

And the ice in his veins only thickened at what he found.

Every word was true. Heimdall could see that Odin's confession was nothing but the truth. 

Odin was his father.

But he didn't see that truth from fondness, pride, or even resentment.

He found it through his disgust. 

Disgust for his own kin. Disgust that his once dependable son had been just as unreliable as his others, forcing him to take matters into his own hands. Disgust that made him hungry for punishment.

Heimdall could also see that. The punishment he was hiding.

Odin had no intention of keeping his word.

As soon as Gjallarhorn was in his hands, he would yank on the bifröst chain and plunge that magic knife into Eivor's chest to kill her, forcing Heimdall to watch as the life left her.

He was lying.

He lied.

Just like everyone else.

All-Father—

No, Odin was as fake and selfish as everyone else.

And he had… worshiped him.

Just like that so many lies had come to light all at once, from the ones Eivor had begged him to see for years to the ones he had thought of since he reunited with her, they were all just proof.

Proof that he had been used.

Pure rage. Pure hatred for the ignominy he would forever face for never seeing what others could so easily. The fury melted all the fearful ice in him while his hand stopped in front of him, fingers gripping Gjallarhorn like he wanted to shatter it, teeth bared in a deadly snarl and brow morphing to match the intense emotion in him as he growled out his first words since Odin revealed himself.

“You're lying!”

Despite her precarious position, Eivor smiled, wishing Heimdall was in a headspace to see how proud she was of him. Proud that he was finally reclaiming his freedom.

Odin nearly gasped, taken aback and stunned by the fact that Heimdall was able to break through the precautionary magic in seconds, meeting the rebellion he had done everything he could to prevent — and he was far from pleased. Dropping any respect and decorum, Odin's extended hand curled back as he barked, “You had your chance!” and he gripped the chain harder, ready to pull with all his might.

Heimdall nearly dropped Gjallarhorn and left it abandoned as he shouted, “No!” and raced for Eivor, but even he wasn't fast enough to stop such a simple motion.

But the blue eyes watching had anticipated as much, and they were prepared.

A red wolf sprung from behind the enormous trees and charged right at the disguised Aesir's arm, biting through the fake armor and into the arm holding the bifröst chain. Odin screeched, but in his attempt to shake the wolf off he still pulled on the chain, and Eivor cried out when the blade struck her before it disappeared from Odin's grasp.

Heimdall felt his body fail to function at the sound, only shaken out of the state when he saw Eivor crawl away from Odin, still alive. Odin managed to shake the wolf off, flinging it across the clearing and into one of the stone walls, making the wolf fade and forcing Atreus to take back his true form with a grunt. Eivor didn't hesitate to act, standing just long enough to shuffle away and reach an arm towards one of the huge trees, using her new skills from Freya's lesson to make a gold copy of one of them and send it plummeting straight down to Odin, the All-Father having to summon his ravens to escape the collision in time. Once he was gone and the tree exploded into glittering gold dust, Eivor collapsed. Heimdall raced to her, thinking that she had to be alright if she could still manage such incredible magic, turning her onto her back to see what her other hand was clutching. 

His heart nearly stopped when he saw the blood.

And he could have sworn it did when he saw the wound oozing bifröst and an awful shade of green light. 

His entire world — or what was left of it — fell apart when he heard her wheeze and gasp, her breathing strained like she was being strangled. “Eivor? Eivor!” He cried, looking down at her and panicking when all she could do was rasp in return. He immediately went to dispel the bifröst seeping from her wound, recoiling when the insufferable burning licked at his fingers and made them retreat. Unlike any other bifröst, this seemed to be beyond his influence.

He was powerless to help.

Atreus ran over to them to try to heal her himself, and Heimdall let him, but he had the same reaction as Heimdall and groaned at the icy sting on his hands. Before either of them could get a word out, there was shouting coming from all around. More Einherjar were coming out of the trees. 

Heimdall was still stuck in place, recoiling at Eivor's raspy breathing and wet, uncontrollable coughing, despising how useless he was when she could have been dying in his arms. It was left to Atreus to be the leader. Drawing his bow, he demanded, “Pick her up and run, I'll hold them off!”

The former scion stared at him, the very idea of fleeing beyond his comprehension. He was an Aesir, he would never —

Then again, how would he know what he was?

The Einherjar were approaching fast. “Just go! Go!” Atrues urged, summoning a pack of spectral wolves to help him fend off the encroaching enemies. Heimdall sucked up his ego and picked Eivor up, being as careful as he could be while running at full speed. 

Utter chaos. He ducked under branches, dodged poison from flowers, leapt over swords and tripped Einherjar at almost every step, using all of his foresight and reflexes to keep them from stopping him. He knew they would go for her if he was caught, and he would not let them touch her.

He would not give up the only thing he had left.

The gut wrenching thought was shoved aside when the red wolf appeared, tackling an Einherjar to the ground and trampling over them to catch up with Heimdall, transforming back to himself to instruct, “Down here,” while leading them through the forest and shooting enemies that tried to stop them. They came to the river, where there was a large stone in the middle to help them cross, but just before they could jump to it a ball of fire landed right on it, setting all the plants that made a home on top of it ablaze. Atreus turned around to see the Einherjar not far behind, and back at the flaming bridge they couldn't cross, trying to come up with any way to get to the other side that was faster than swimming. A clever idea came to him, one that Heimdall would detest but he didn't care if he got yelled at. “You're fast enough to run across something that's moving, right?”

Heimdall ripped his eyes away from Eivor to scoff at the Wolf. “Of course. Why?” Atreus didn't give him an answer, but he sensed what he was going to do and was appalled by the plan. “Are you kidding me?”

Atreus refused to answer again, shooting an arrow through the flames and into the thick trunk of a tree across the river, the flame hooked on its purple magic once it reached its target. He then drew another arrow and infused it with more sigil magic before hitting the same spot. The flame on the first arrow violently flared up and destroyed the base of the tree, knocking it into the river and sending it rushing down the water towards them. “Hurry!” Atreus said, shooting more arrows at the Einherjar just paces away from them. Heimdall sighed at how unbelievable the idea was, slowing down time at the perfect moment to sprint across the tree as it flowed past and make it to the other side, leaving Atreus alone.

The jötun proved to be resourceful again, using his bow to shoot a line high into another tree and swing across the river, the jump so rushed that he slipped and nearly fell into the water when he landed. Now that they made it across and the only way for anyone to follow them was in flames, the persistent Einherjar shouted at them and headed upstream, looking for another way to get to them.

With imminent danger away for a moment, Heimdall couldn't hold in his irritation. “Are you insane?!”

Atreus, to Heimdall's annoyance, only shrugged and replied, “Have you seen my father?”

Eivor let out a thick cough that left her wheezing and gasping even more, drawing Heimdall's attention and rekindling his hopeless desire to do something. Atreus leaned in and took a closer look at the wound, seeing that the magic oozing from it had only grown into a darker green. “That…doesn't look good.” He instantly regretted the words, waiting for Heimdall to chew him out for stating the obvious, but he received nothing. In fact, Heimdall didn't even seem to hear him. He just stared at Eivor, short of breath and pain evident on his face.

Atreus had never seen him so…scared. Really, he had never seen Heimdall show so much of any emotion at all. 

He had to help. Rivalry or not, Heimdall needed help.

“This way, we can take her to Freyr's camp,” Atreus suggested, already starting towards their destination.

A terrible idea, Heimdall told himself, but he didn't have much of a choice. He would take anything to save her. It thankfully wasn't far from them, and in minutes Atreus pushed open the gates to the camp and called out for help. “Guys! Are you here?!”

Hildisvíni was the first to reply, the two elves and Lúnda emerging with him. “Atreus?” All of them stiffened when they saw who was behind him, drawing their weapons and pointing them directly at the Aesir that had cost them their safety and their friends.

The Wolf held up his hands and frantically waved at them, “Wait wait wait! It's okay!” He stepped aside, showing them what Heimdall was carrying. “Eivor's hurt!”

The crowd paused, looking at each other cautiously. Hildisvíni eventually made a decision, waving his bow down towards the fire and saying, “Put her down here.” Atreus mumbled his gratitude while Heimdall rushed to put Eivor down, resting her back on one of the logs by the fire. Hildisvíni slowly put his bow down as he looked at Eivor, finding the sight recognizable. “More Aesir were here?” he asked, kneeling down to examine the magical wound, listening carefully to her strained breathing.

“You know it?”

“I haven't seen it since the war…” Hildisvíni trailed off, magic emanating from his hands while he reached out to her, retracting his hand with a hiss when he felt the same pain Atreus and Heimdall experienced. “But this is different. Corrupted, somehow.”

Heimdall didn't care for his long explanations and stories. “Can you fix it?!”

“I'm not sure.”

Atreus listened to the jungle for just a second before asking, “Could Freya fix it?”

“I'm sure she would have a solution.”

Standing up and listening to nature for a few more moments, Atreus was already backing away when he said, “The animals are quiet around where Father and Freya were, so they have to be done. I'm gonna go get them!” Before anyone could stop him, he was off, shifting into a wolf to move as fast as he could.

Hildisvíni didn't sit around, getting up and making use of the team he had. “Gather our medicine, make sure Freya will have everything she needs.” 

The group made themselves busy, leaving Heimdall to stare at Eivor on his own, taking in her shallow and aching breaths, how pale she was, feeling the loathing for his own uselessness settling in. Kneeling down next to her, taking her hand in his own and using his other to brush the sweat soaked hair from her forehead was not enough for him, not enough to make him think he was doing what she needed from him. It was agonizing to just watch and listen to her struggle, his only alternative to marinate in the lies, the shock, the fear, the cold reality he had been doused in. To just sit there, doing absolutely nothing as the only thing that hadn't abandoned him or lied to him slipping away right in front of him while he watched, practically blind and deaf with no way of making any of it stop…

He'd paraded his superiority around his entire life. He had sworn none could surpass him, none could outdo him. But now?

He'd never felt more worthless.

“H-Hei—!” She tried to call out for him, her choking snapping him out of the searing pain. “Eivor? Please, tell me what to do, anything!”

It wasn't a plea he uttered quietly, and all the onlookers stopped and observed in awe, trying to figure out if this was the same watchman that had attacked them just days ago. 

In a way, he wasn't.

He paid them no mind, his undivided attention on his one and only Songbird while she sputtered and coughed in his arms. “I…it…” another wet heavy cough that was strong enough to make her shake. “H-hurts…”

Never had he wished to be harmed, only boasting that he never could be, but now he wished could be in her stead. To see her so weak that she could hardly express her pain tore him apart from the inside out. 

Then it got worse. There was a commotion in the background, one just loud enough for the entire camp to catch, but he heard it clearly. It sounded like a fight, one that came from the direction Freya and Kratos were supposed to be.

He nearly crumbled at the hopelessness. If they were stalled long enough and didn't make it back in time he would lose everything. If he lost everything he ever loved and cared for in a matter of hours, then what reason would he even have to live? 

Heimdall shook his head and clenched his jaw as he watched tears fall down Eivor's cheeks, his will to watch this happen slipping farther and farther down into the earth with every moment. He couldn't stand looking at her and did the only thing he could, pulling her in close and resting his cheek on her head, hoping at least this was enough to keep her conscious. “I know, just…just hold on. Please.” 

Just sitting there, his skin burning with every wheeze he heard and cringing at every cough that tore through her, one phrase came to his mind from earlier that night.

“So that my last moments are with you.”

Eivor's alternative to having him at her side. All he could think about was how much he wanted that too, how much he would give to have her until his last moments and make her smile the last thing he ever saw. Now, with the very opposite happening, the despair was swallowing him as he envisioned Freya getting there too late, Eivor lost to him while he did nothing, left completely alone with nothing and no one to his name. 

He couldn't. He just couldn't do it.

So he said it again. Something he said only once, years ago, but was never forgotten by either of them.

“Please don't leave me.”

He couldn't find it in himself to care at all about his home or himself. He could only beg internally. 

Just not her. Anything but her.

The caw of a bird soared over the camp, a falcon hovering above the ground near Lúnda's shop until the magic around it flared up into smoke and revealed Freya, who Heimdall was glad to see for the first time since they met. “Where is she?” she asked Hildisvíni, not quite seeing Heimdall and Eivor behind the fire. The advisor pointed them out and explained what he found, the Vanir queen gasping, “By the gods…Get me a mixture of Shaman's Wicker and Lilac Feather immediately.” Freya dashed to her patient and kneeled down at Eivor's other side. “What ha—” She froze, concern fading and outrage taking over as she saw the magic emanating from the wound. She snapped at Heimdall, “Odin was here?! That bastard has the nerve to show his face —” Freya took a deep breath, quieting her wrath as Heimdall only nodded.

Hildisvíni returned with a bowl of powder that glowed a subtle lavender color. “What has he done with this spell?”

Freya bitterly spat, “Proven that I should never have taught him anything about my magic.” She dipped her fingers in the powder to coat her skin, then raised her hands over the gash and directed the purple powder into the ghastly magic.

“And where are Kratos and Atreus? Do they need help?”

“Getting rid of the Einherjar, they shouldn't be long.”

“Can you help her?” Heimdall asked impatiently, the dust not having enough of an immediate effect to make him feel any better.

“I can,” Freya replied, though her brow gave away the amount of thinking she had to do to accomplish her goal. “But we will need something stronger.” Pointing to each individual as she spoke, Freya gave orders to every person she had available. “Hildisvíni, gather Lamb's Cress from our supply. Lúnda, harvest whatever Albino Thistle we have. Byggvir, Beyla, get a handful of the Thornnuts from the tree outside of camp.” In a gentler tone, she turned to the only person who hadn't moved. “Heimdall, see those vines with the large leaves next to Lúnda's shop? Bring me three of them, no wider than your palm.”

He couldn't find it in himself to be irritated by being bossed around, instead getting up and doing as she asked right away. Another action that drew attention that he didn't bother to address. With shaky hands he inspected the leaves by the shop, picking three suitable ones as quickly as he could while his mind was moving too fast for him to comprehend, then turning to head back to Freya. There was an old spear with a freshly polished head resting against the shop wall, giving him a split second to see his reflection in the corner of his eye.

Blue?

Why did he see blue?

Unable to contain the curiosity, he leaned in a bit closer to the shiny metal. He could see it much clearer now. The blue was mixed in with the violets in his eyes. In fact they weren't just pink now, there were more swirling colors than he'd ever seen. 

They were different.

He was different.

How much worse could the night get?

That wasn't important right now. Heimdall hurried back to Freya, handing her the leaves before reclaiming his seat next to Eivor, squirming as her wheezing entered his ears again. With a few more ingredients mixed into her bowl of powder, Freya dipped her hands in again, the magic flowing from her fingers an orange color this time, and thankfully getting Eivor to breathe just a little deeper than she could before. Feeling her weakly rest her head on his chest while she closed her eyes was almost too much for him. 

“He was interrupted mid strike?” Freya asked Heimdall, who didn't even acknowledge her, too busy trying to keep himself from breaking down in front of everyone. “Well, whatever you did, it saved her life.” 

Now he looked up. 

“Had it been just an inch more to the right it would have struck her heart; a fatal wound. She's very lucky to have at most a punctured lung.”

Freya thought nothing of his thoughtful look as he stared down at Eivor again, but on the inside Heimdall's soul was only shattering more.

That runt…saved her. 

While he was too gobsmacked to act quickly enough to do it himself, the half-bre— 

Atreus saved her life.

Before a voice in the back of his mind could convince him to be grateful the Wolf himself returned with his father in tow, the boy reaching Freya and looking at what she was doing closely. “Can you help her?”

The queen nodded, but looked at Heimdall as she said, “Yes. But it will not be easy.” She let the lights drifting from her hands disappear, satisfied with the amount of magic giving her room to make her extraction possible. Leaning in a little to address Eivor, who needed whatever strength she had left to look up, did her best to listen as Freya gave her a very serious run down. “Eivor, I'm going to dispel the curse now, but I have to warn you. It will hurt. A lot. Are you ready?”

Eivor gave a weak nod, not having the energy to tell her to just get on with it and make this unbearable pain stop.

With a grim expression, Freya sat back again, making Heimdall's eyes widen when she chillingly said, “Kratos, hold her down. Don't let her move.” While the silent god kneeled behind Eivor and took hold of her shoulders, Freya continued, “Atreus, stay right here and watch carefully, I'm going to have you help me so we can do this as fast as possible. Heimdall…” 

The lull in her instructions brought another overwhelming wave of shame. He was still completely useless, he thought, but was completely unaware that Freya was only thrown off by just how scared the watchman looked.

“Keep her comfortable,” Freya finally said, her face softening as she added in a much more soothing whisper, “She will be fine.”

If she wouldn't be alright he would tell Kratos to finish what they started hours ago.

Concentrating on the gruesome magic in Eivor’s chest, Freya reached towards it, her fingertips just beyond the green miasma before she uttered an ancient word, pulling her hands back on the second syllable.

It was then that Heimdall regretted every single thing he'd ever done that led up to this exact moment. 

Eivor screamed, the pain of the cursed magic being wrenched from her body feeling like her entire rib cage was being pulled out with flaming ice, wanting so badly to lurch forward and curl up into a ball to keep all of the horrible sensations away, but Kratos easily held her in place. The hand that Heimdall wasn't holding flew out to swat Freya's away, but Kratos managed to catch her just in time, leaving her with no choice but to wail and sob with half her face buried in Heimdall's tunic.

All while the scion just watched.

The sound of her shrieks destroyed him. His stomach turned to ashes, his heart became the heaviest and coldest metal that crushed his organs, his lungs shrunk and dried out while he listened to her cry in anguish, the sight of her constant stream of awful tears making him wish he could rip his own eyes out to save himself from the sight.

And just when he thought it couldn't get any worse, Freya told Atreus to join her, both of them speaking the ancient phrase again while they pulled back even more, making Eivor's bawling even louder until her voice began to crack and give out. Heimdall wanted nothing more than to expel his soul from his being to make the scene just end.

It was just too much.

He never, ever, ever, wanted to see her like this again.

Never.

After what felt like a millennium, Freya gave one last brutal tug on the magic, rising to her feet and stumbling as the ugly curse remained between her hands. It burned her skin and bit at her palms, the goddess having to grind her teeth to stay in control of it. The magic wrestled with her, wriggling around in an attempt to escape and return to the host it had made a home in, but Freya's skills were too great. Grunting at the exertion, Freya let her own magic invade the curse until it began to shake violently, the Valkyrie queen ending the parasite by ripping her hands apart, her magic forcing it into the open air and eating away at it until it dissipated into nothingness. She had to take a moment to slow her breathing and shake out her hands after putting such strenuous pressure in herself.

Heimdall only looked at Eivor while the spectacle happened right next to him, his eyes not leaving her since her shouts came to a sudden halt and her body went limp. Her breathing was shallow, blood was still gradually leaking from the leftover gash, she was barely moving. The only thing he could tell himself as he eagerly waited for her to open her eyes was that they were too late.

“E-Eivor?” He breathlessly mumbled to her, the slight wheeze that was still present killing him even more. 

Consciousness was lost for just a moment, but Eivor was strong enough to bounce back in spite of the exhaustion, grounding herself with the feeling of Heimdall's hand on hers until her hearing cleared up and the darkness clouding her mind faded. Very slowly, she started to regain her grip on reality, the sounds of the rustling leaves of the jungle, the warm air from the fire near her, the dull ache that was still deeply burrowed into her chest, everything was there to remind her that she was not only alive, but well enough to come out of the dark hole she'd been buried in and fight back against the monsters that put her there.

She was still too tired to speak or open her eyes yet, but she found the motivation in the tiny, desperate whisper she heard. 

“Songbird, please…”

Heimdall used her nickname in public, in plain view of the entire camp. It told her just how mortified he was, how much he wanted her to show him that she was alright. Given how horrible this night had been for him, she had to get back up faster than her mind was letting her. She couldn't let him suffer like this. Her voice barely a rasp, tired and weak, she murmured to him, “I'm…okay.” Then, using all of the energy she had, she cracked her eyes open. Those beautiful true bifröst eyes were the first thing she saw, so filled with worry but finding relief when they met hers. “I'm okay,” she repeated, watching as he exhaled sharply, letting out all the tension that had plagued him. 

Freya knelt down by Eivor again, looking intently at her wound. “Do you feel cold anywhere? A burning sensation?” Eivor shook her head, making Freya relax. “Good. Then the spell is gone. I'm afraid the rest of the healing process is just time and rest, but I'll give you some herbs to speed it up. Once you feel well enough we can take you back to Sindri's. Do you just want something to dull the pain…or would you rather have what Freyr took?”

“No, thank you,” Eivor answered, unable to keep a hint of a smile off her face.

“Wise choice,” Freya agreed with a chuckle, happy to see that the young goddess still had her spirit. She stood and told Atreus and Kratos to give her and Heimdall space, leaving the two alone while Freya prepared the medicine she promised.

Eivor didn't say another word, only resting her head against Heimdall while he stared at her, looking past her as he was lost in thought. 

It just didn't make any sense. Nothing made any sense.

All these people hated him, and he hated them. But when he needed help, they all rallied to do something that he couldn't. When he was useless to them, they still let him stay close. They should have shunned him, thrown him out and told him he wasn't going to be anywhere near them while they treated their friend. Yet they did the opposite, putting their differences aside for the time being, treating him like he wasn't more than happy to kill them just hours ago. To say that they showed mercy didn't feel right. No, not mercy, it was…compassion. Showing kindness when they shouldn't just because they could. Until now, he firmly believed the only person capable of such a selfless act was Eivor. 

She'd always said he was wrong, that there were people out there who did care about others. He never believed her. He never thought it was true.

But if it wasn't true, then none of this should have happened. Eivor should have died in his arms due to his negligence, or at the very least he should have been abandoned and left to wonder if she would survive. 

So there could be no denying it. He was wrong.

Was that really so surprising?

Clearly he had always been wrong.

He held Eivor tighter, pulling her in close enough to bury his nose in her hair. 

He didn't even know who he was anymore.

[lolwhutdidijustdo]

Incorrect Snucius Quotes

During The Order of The Phoenix, wherin Lucius is worried about Severus' safety when spying on the Order.

Lucius: I admire your disposition in regards to this, Sev, but I cannot help but ponder all the ways it can go wrong.

Severus: Don’t fret, I know precisely what I am doing. Everything is under control, and I will be fine.

Lucius: How can you still say that? With your position as our Spy within the order...

Severus: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius: Severus, why has Draco gotten detention from Dolores Umbridge?

Severus: She pointed at him with her wand, and said “there is an idiot at the end of this.”

Lucius: The impunity! And…?

Severus: He told her that she should speak more highly of herself.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius: What goes up but never comes down?

Narcissa: The amount of stress you're bringing this family.

Severus: Your level of insufferability and pompous attitude?

Draco: Your ego?

Lucius: Merlin, what is wrong with you? I was going to say my love for you all...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius: I am quite confident in my assessment that you are probably some sort of sick deadly fuck.

Severus: Who told you my secret?

Narcissa: That's - how is that a secret, Severus? The both of you are literally Death Eaters.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius: I have the upmost confidence in your abilities, Severus!

Severus, to himself: Merlin, I must suck. The nicest thing Lucius can think to say to me is that he doesn't doubt the usefulness of my existence.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius, explaining his plans to Voldemort: That’s why we need to get an expert on poisons, to ensure the swift... displacement of our political enemies.

Severus, sarcastically: Oh, and I can't imagine whom you would ask to carry out such a task.

Death Eaters: *Stareing at Narcissa*

Narcissa, with a resigned sigh: Oh, alright. I suppose I'll be doing it then.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Severus, to Draco: You cannot use magic to transport any potions ingredients because it will interfere with the potency of the brew! Any idiot would know that!

Lucius: I knew that!

Severus, gesturing to Lucius: See?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the Battle in the Department of Mysteries

Lucius: My head hurts. Severus: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Severus, talking to Lucius about the Death Eaters: They're trying to lure me into a false sense of security! Well, joke’s on them! I’ve never been secure in my life, and I’m not about to start now!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius: I am wounded, Severus, that you have lied to me. Severus: I'm a spy! It's what I do! That being said, I would never lie to you.

Lucius, enamoured: Truely?!

Severus: Well, it somewhat depends on how you define lying.

Lucius: I happen to define it as intentionally obscuring the truth. How would you define it?

Severus: Reclining your body in a horizontal position.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius: Don’t go picking a fight with me. I could make your life difficult.

Severus, sarcastically: Wow. I wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius: What the hell is wrong with you?

Severus: I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I’m better than everyone else.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucius: Sev, when’s your birthday?

Severus: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?

Lucius: …So I know when to get your present and wish you a happy birthday.

Severus, tearing up: Oh...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Severus: Go fuck yourself.

Lucius: Come over here and fuck me yourself you coward!

Severus, striding forward with purpose

Lucius: wait no-

Bellatrix, seeing this go down: Can we please just have one normal meeting!?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[waterfallofspace]

hi!! your d/azai fic was SO GOOD OMGG i kept trying to figure out what was setting him off & i never would’ve guessed M/ORI’S COLOGNE?! brilliant especially since c/huuya bought it for him XD

could i possibly request s/oukoku feat. allergic to dust d/azai (mayhaps with kitten snzs 🥺) and prompts 36, 40, 45, 47, 75? (or whatever you can do 🫶🏻)

Oh my god- hello, thank you!! That's so sweet of you hehehe~~ I'm glad you enjoyed!! And thank you so much for the request, I had so much fun writing this one hehe~ I did try 'stuffy talk' writing for the first time in this, it seemed needed in the context, but I usually try to avoid that, so I hope it doesn't take away from the story too much~ (also I've seen the other two I assume are also from you, and I will be working on those soon too!!) 2.3k words, prompts 36, 40, 45, 47, and 75, story under cut! 36. “Blow your nose, I can’t understand you.”  40. “You’re sneezing everywhere. Clearly, something’s up.”  45. “Your nose is literally twitching.” 47. Hiding sneezes  75. Accidentally inhaling an allergen.  (References to swearing, and mild/playful violence just in case anyone doesn’t like those!)

~~~~~~~

There was always a level of tension between Soukoku, but it had only intensified after Dazai made his escape. Chuuya has never had a ‘forgive and forget’ attitude, not when it comes to him. So when Mori and Fukuzawa decide to team up against a common enemy, Chuuya lets himself believe he’ll only have to cooperate with the detective agency from a distance. 

“Chuuya~! Stop staring off into space. I know I’m the brains of this operation, but you could still attempt to help.” 

Growling in response, Chuuya feels his eyes roll on their own ‘Apparently just as fed up with him as I am-’, thoughts drifting back to the idiot currently attempting to pick a lock. It was his job to get them in the hideout they’d been ordered to investigate. ‘Of course it wouldn’t be from a distance. It could never be that easy, not with this asshole working for them.’ 

Despite the sentiment being entirely in his head, Dazai seems able to hear it, casting a smug smile in Chuuya’s direction. ‘Fucking creepy how he can do that. I know his gift doesn’t let him read minds, but sometimes I wonder…’ 

“We’re not supposed to leave any indication we were here. Blasting down the door wouldn’t exactly be subtle. So this one’s all on you. What, not up for the cha-”

“Got it! Chuuya didn’t really doubt me, did he?”

“Sh- shut up. Let’s just get this over with.”  

Dazai’s posture is infuriatingly calm, a brash contrast to the waves of tension surging through Chuuya’s very being… until they enter the building. Dazai immediately tenses up, fingers flexing at his side as he attempts to feign nonchalance. Normally seeing the mask slip a bit would send shivers of pleasure down Chuuya’s spine, however they were in enemy territory with an assignment to complete. ‘Now is not the time for one of your… things… Dazai. Whatever this is, lock it away.’ 

“You take the papers over there, I’m gonna check for any other rooms, exits, or spaces to hide something. Got it?” 

“My my, quite bossy, aren’t we? You know I love when you get all controlling~.” 

“Ach. Just yell if you find anything useful, alright?”

“Yeahh.” 

On anyone else, it would just be a slip of the tongue. Something not worth noticing, let alone mentioning, but on Dazai? It’s similar to having gunfire rain on you from an unknown source. Chuuya starts to feel hairs on the back of his neck standing up, trained eyes scanning the room for whatever danger might be coming his way. ‘Come on, Dazai. Either sort yourself out, or tell me what’s wrong… This mission needs to go smoothly, if you’re sensing dang-’ 

“hih’ekshh-! hh’gshh-!” 

“You say something?”

“No- hah’kshht-enk’shhiew-! Excuse me, no I didn’t.” 

Chuuya finds his mouth hanging open, Dazai’s nose noticeably pinker than it was a few minutes ago. In the silence, Dazai attempts to busy himself with papers they both know he’s already scanned. ‘Did- did he just…?’

“W- was that a sneeze?” 

“Wow~ great observation skills, Chuuya!” 

Dazai narrowly avoids the kick aimed his way, Chuuya catching his balance with a spin as Dazai smirks at him, letting out a grunt as the next one lands its blow. Taking his turn to smirk now, Chuuya begins his retort. 

“Oh, whatever. Just keep-”

“eh’ntshh-aiyshh’iiee-! N- not done- heH-! eashh’iew-! teshh-en’kshhew-! hh’knshhiie-!” 

“That was pathetic.”

“You know, it’s customary in most places to offer a blessing.” 

“Not here, it ain’t. What’s wrong with you, anyways?”

The question is ignored, Dazai’s eyes snapping back to the papers he’s picked up, mouthing words under his breath too fast for Chuuya to interpret as he breezes through. Electing to ignore the obvious attempts to derail the conversation, Chuuya takes a seat next to the desk, letting his feet rest right on the papers Dazai’s looking through.

“I believe I asked you a question.”

“You only believe you asked? Chuuya must be sli- hehh… slip- slipping- heAh’tezshh-eiiszshh-hh’keshh’iew-!”

“Eh?! For Christ’s sake, just answer the fucking question.”

“‘For Christ’s sake’, that’s quite the western expression, and yet you can’t offer a mere blessing to your… eH’Knshh-tieshhii-! kshh-eishh-hH’knchhiew-! suffering partner?” 

“I’ll ask once more, what’s wrong with you?” 

Dazai’s eyes are still trained on the papers, his face remaining pointedly calm to the untrained eye. Which, Chuuya is not. ‘He’s attempting to relieve the itch without touching his nose. Apparently not as easy as he’d like it to be, judging by the tremor in his hands that he can’t seem to stall.’ 

“I have no idea what you mean.”

“Don’t play coy, Dazai. You’re sneezing everywhere. Clearly something’s up.” 

“It’s a perfectly normal action. Everyone sneezes at times, even Chuuya.” 

“Yeah, but not this much. Your nose is literally twitching as we speak.”

“Th- thanks for the re- reminder…. hehH-!”

He manages to pull his collar over his face before the next fit breaks through his quivering nose.

“hNksh-hh’kshhew-! tinshh-enshhiew-! hh’kshh-! heH’tschh’iew-! hahh’kshh’iie-!” 

Chuuya smirks at the way Dazai sniffles with a deep urgency as he attempts to catch his breath. ‘Pathetic is right, those were the tiniest things I’ve ever heard, and they still left him breathless. For someone so tough, he’s really quite frail.’ 

“Yeah, that’s not normal.”

“You really don’t remember? I have a slight… sensitivity to dust.”

“Are you fucking serious?”

His facade long forgotten, Dazai raises a hand to practically scrub his nose raw as he lets a few itchy moans fall out. Chuuya feels a pang in his chest, one that he quickly smothers before it can build into actual sympathy for the idiot.

“You don’t remember- Well I guess it- kshh’iew-!  was a bigger deal for me than you. That time Mori sent us to recover some stolen files from that warehouse that they apparently hadn’t c- clehh… hH’kshh-eishhh’ii-! Cleaned in years?” 

“I do actually, though I seem to remember you ducking away pretty fast after we found them- oh motherfucker, was that because you were holding off an allergy attack?!”

“Yep! Thankfully for that mission I foresaw the possible complication and took some precautions. However, in this case, I wasn’t aware of the… state… this building would be in. hh’kshh’iew-! Nnshh-!” 

Before Chuuya can form a reply, Dazai raises a hand, his face unreadable once more. Chuuya freezes, eyes darting to the hallway behind them as footsteps echo off the walls. ‘Impossible to tell how many there are, it’s too empty in here, the sound is distorted. I’d guess at least five, but it could be more. There’s enough bullets in the drawer I found before to take them out if I can get to-’ His thoughts are interrupted by Dazai’s hand against his arm, nullifying his powers before he can make a move. 

“Remember, we’re not supposed to tip our hand just yet.” 

It’s hushed, but Chuuya hears it perfectly, his focus always irreversibly glued to Dazai when his gift is being subdued. Something Dazai knows full well, and was counting on. He lets his mask slip once more, letting Chuuya read his intentions without a word. ‘We need a plan, and it can’t be violence.’ 

“Fine.” 

‘I noticed a crawlspace when I was surveying the room. It’ll be tight in between the beams, but there’s at least a bit of space vertically. Either way it’s better than getting found. Normally I’d just hide on the ceiling, people so rarely check there, but given Dazai’s here, it's better not to leave him to fend for himself.’

Pressing himself against the floor and sliding through the crack, Chuuya starts to drag Dazai in with him, pausing as the nervous energy radiates off the man.

“Chuuya I don’t thi-” 

“Just shut up and get in, we don’t have time to argue.”

Dazai hesitates once more, tension flooding Chuuya’s body. ‘He’s not one to hesitate. Ever. But we don’t have a choice, it’s this or be caught.’ Finally Dazai lets out a sigh, mask on enough to keep Chuuya calm, but not enough to be comfortable. Chuuya braces himself against the floor with his hands as Dazai climbs into the crack, kneeling over him.

“Well this is cozy~.”

“You better keep your mouth shut. If they find us I will end you.” 

The footsteps continue to descend towards the room, finally stopping as smothered voices begin breaking the silence. Chuuya closes his eyes to try and make out the words better, a trick he regrettably learned from Dazai of all people. When one sense is removed from the equation, it can help the others hone in with greater ease.

“Ch- Chuuya…”

His eyes snap open at the breathy quality of the voice. Dazai has his hands pressed against the floor to keep his balance, and even through the muted light Chuuya can see his unattended nose starting to tremble. Dazai’s attempting to rub it against his shoulder, but the soft cloth just seems to be irritating it further.

“Don’t you dare, Dazai.” 

The panic seeps into the whisper before he can stop it, Dazai reacting with a sharp nod, eyes starting to water. Chuuya can feel Dazai’s body trembling as every scraping breath seems to drag more allergens into his tortured nose.

‘Fucking damn it. Even with those pathetic little things, given the echo in this room, they’re sure to hear us if he breaks into a full attack.’ Just as he’s starting to come up with a plan, Chuuya’s body starts moving on its own, gloved hand pinching Dazai’s nose shut just as the first hitch escapes. 

“heH- Wha-” 

“Not. A. Word.” 

Chuuya can feel Dazai’s nose pulsating under his grasp, a few tears freeing themselves from his eyes as he crushes them shut against the building irritation. But finally, after a few painstakingly long minutes, his breathing returns to normal. Chuuya carefully releases his grasp, hand still hovering in front of Dazai’s face. He rolls his eyes at the theatrics, snarling in an attempt to disguise the warmth flooding his ears. 

“Better?”

Dazai starts to nod, sniffling lightly, before intensely shaking his head, nose flaring with a passion. He gets only enough time to lean into Chuuya’s hand, attempting to stifle the fit that breaks loose. Chuuya almost pulls away, but one of Dazai’s hands comes up to grip his wrist, pulling it closer.

“knGt-! nGT-! ihKDt-! hH’AHngT-!”

“G- gross, what the fuck are you do-” 

Realization dawns across Chuuya’s face, chased away by a guilt fueled blush that settles in his cheeks. ‘When sliding in here, I used my hands on the floor. The dust covered floor. I just practically smothered his nose in his allergen. Fuck- this isn’t good…’ Dazai’s eyes are flooding with itchy tears, only getting a chance to inhale when he’s building up to another stifle.

“kndT-! heH- indT-! hH’EnDt-! Ch- Chuuya… hH’NDT’iew-! heAhh- kNgT-!”

“Hold on-” 

Letting his head peak out, Chuuya attempts to scan the room, focus being torn between searching for possibly enemies and- “hHnDT-!” the constant- “nGT-!” stream of- “ihkNdT-!” itchy stifles- “ehdNXt-!” being aimed at- “heH’KxT-!” his gloved hand. ‘I can’t see anyone, and other than the obvious, I’m not hearing anything to suggest we’re not alone.’ 

“Okay, I think it’s safe no-” 

The half-finished confirmation is all Dazai needs, ducking into his shoulder with a fit that seems to only grow in desperation as each tiny sneeze falls out on top of each other. 

“eh’kShh’iee-inchh-eshhh-kechhew-eh’knshhiiee-!”

Pulling himself out of the crawlspace, Chuuya attempts to brush the dust from his clothes, peeling off his glove with a wince before offering a hand to help (yank) Dazai out too. The normally put together man is currently sneezing too rapidly to even acknowledge the change of scenery. He’s attempting to aim for his shoulder, but Chuuya notices he’s fairly unsuccessful, huffing a few blessings between the outpouring. 

“hH’kshh-ensshheww-nnshh-tiesshhie-!” 

“Bless you.” 

“aishhiew-! heHhH-! kezzshhiee-! Ehh’shhiew-!” 

“And again.” 

“hah’kshh-knnsh-nnshhie-!” 

“Going for a record there, Dazai?” 

A smirk has worked its way onto the incredibly itchy looking face as Dazai’s watery eyes flicker up to meet Chuuya’s, a hint of mischief dancing through the waves.

“M- enshh’iew-! Mea- hh’kshh-! nnSh-! eh’knShii-! Mean, Ch- chushh’iew-! heH’kshh-enschh-tezzshh’iew-! Chuuya.”

“Bless you. Don’t try to talk, you moron. It’s making me dizzy.” 

“heH’inGShh’iew-! ddshh’ii-! nnSHh-! heH’kSHHiew-!”

“Christ Dazai. You gonna live?” 

“You dknow tha- heh’KShhiiew-! nndshh’ii-! Thadt wa-”

The congestion in his voice cuts right through Chuuya’s brain, a grimace forming in response.

“Blow your nose, I can’t understand you for shit like this.” 

“And whadt exacdtly do you wandt me dto use? I have dnothing to blow idt ond-” 

Chuuya sighs heavily, hand reaching into a pocket to pull out the handkerchief he keeps there incase of emergencies. ‘I guess this qualifies, though the idea of Dazai’s fluids on more of my clothing makes me feel a little ill.’

As soon as it's in Chuuya's hand, Dazai lunges for it, having the decency to turn away as he releases a handful of throat scraping blows that have Chuuya wincing again. When he speaks again his voice is still hoarse, congestion seeping through the edges, but at least it’s decipherable. 

“Ahem. Like I was saying, you know that was entirely your fault, right?” 

“It’s not my fault you have such a weak nose.” 

“hH’enkshh-! nndshh’iew-! innShh’ii-! mmShhiew-! I think it heard you.” 

Rolling his eyes, Chuuya throws a punch at Dazai’s arm, a touch of guilt invading his mind when the blow lands easily, Dazai hissing lightly through clenched teeth. ‘Apparently still too out of it to dodge.’ He feels heat drip into his cheeks once more, quickly quelled as Dazai’s mischief soaked eyes meet his own.

“I think you owe me a drink.” 

“Whatever. But you owe me a new handkerchief, and gloves.” 

Dazai brings said handkerchief back up to his nose to crush a few leftover sneezes, a smug smile forming on his face, despite the battered state of his sinuses. 

“hh’mmshh’iew-! eh’mmshhii-! heh’nnSHh-nnshh-heH’keshh’iew-! Deal.” 

No, Chuuya’s not one to ‘forgive and forget’. Things will never be the way they were. But as Dazai silently leans against him to steady himself while they walk out of the building, Chuuya’s hands automatically coming to brace him, he lets himself consider that maybe, just maybe, that’s okay. 

Maybe they can be something else. Something better. 

[ingravinoveritas]

How will you feel if Georgia and Anna turn up in GO2? Or any other assorted family members?

(Grouping all of the GO 2 Anons together since there are quite a few, and in order of take hotness level from Mild to Medium to Habanero Spicy...)

So, to recap the seeming order of events up until now (though I'm sure everyone is probably well aware): Three weeks ago, Neil made this post featuring a behind the scenes photo from GO season 2. Almost immediately, Twitter detectives set to work trying to ascertain the identities of the three people in the photo, and it very quickly came to light that both Peter Davison and Ty Tennant have roles in GO 2 listed on their respective CVs on their shared agent's website:

Shortly after that, the news appeared to be confirmed on the Radio Times website, and was subsequently picked up by a number of other media outlets. Most of these seem to be repeating what was reported by Radio Times, and while (from what I have seen, at least) there has been no official confirmation from either Amazon or Neil, the roles being on Peter and Ty's CVs seem to have convinced most of the fandom that they are in the second season.

I think there are several things we have to consider when talking about all of this. The first season of GO came out in 2019, and since then, the world has, well...I suppose "gone completely tits up" is one way of putting it, but the world has changed dramatically, and the circumstances around filming and production of television have also changed. Thus, when GO season 2 was filmed in Scotland from October of 2021 to March of 2022, the set was extremely locked down tight due to Covid safety protocols.

In all likelihood, it probably would've been very difficult to get actors for smaller roles or as extras, so from a purely logistical/practical standpoint, that is what could have led to the casting of Peter and Ty. There is also no way to know who the characters of Alastair and Ennon are, so for all we know, these could be very brief appearances where the characters are in one scene and then never appear again.

With that in mind, let's turn to the subject of nepotism, which I have seen mentioned quite frequently since the alleged casting was announced. I think what people may not be seeing is that there has been a marked difference in the reaction to Peter/Ty's casting from the hardcore GO fans vs. the wider public on Twitter. With the GO fans, there seems to be this attitude of tiptoeing around the word nepotism and everyone needing to be super happy/thrilled at the prospect of Peter and Ty (and possibly Georgia, but more on that ion a minute) being in GO 2, or otherwise you're a "bad" GO/David fan.

The wider public, however, has no such compunction about saying the word, often repeatedly, and with additional color commentary. What I wish the fans on Twitter understood is that this is something to be genuinely concerned about, because when the second season comes out, it won't be enough for just the hardcore fans to watch it. The show needs to bring in new viewers, and if people are as turned off by perceived nepotism as they seem to be, they won't tune in. Without those viewers, season 2 may not perform well, and if that is the case, Amazon could easily say "Well, GO season 2 didn't perform, so we're not going to greenlight a third season."

That is why it matters. Because even if casting Peter/Ty was done out of necessity/practicality, it ultimately comes down to people's perceptions, and overwhelmingly those perceptions are of nepotism and/or stunt casting.

For me personally, I certainly was and am not thrilled at the idea of Peter and Ty being in GO 2 (let alone Georgia and Anna, which...I might need a stronger drink before I write out my thoughts on that). But this does not in any way have anything to do with me disliking Peter or Ty, and in fact goes back to what I've always been most concerned with, and that's the integrity of the show.

Thinking back to 2020, I'm reminded of the heart-achingly beautiful audio clip that was released just a few months into lockdown, in honor of the 30th anniversary of GO's publication. Neil didn't write a new scene for Shadwell and Madame Tracy or Newt and Anathema...he wrote a scene for Aziraphale and Crowley. It was Michael and David whose performances resonated so strongly with all of us and with him, and he specifically chose to bring them back as Aziraphale and Crowley to mark that occasion.

When Staged came along shortly thereafter, it was created to build on that chemistry and relationship between Michael and David. Staged was meant to remind us of Good Omens, not the other way around. So I do feel that, when it comes to Peter and Ty (and Georgia/AL) being in GO season 2, it would be a distraction to have them there, rather than an enhancement. Not even because of the acting--as Peter is a seasoned actor and Ty/Georgia are decent enough (though AL is the exception, as she categorically cannot act, which we have seen)--but because of the principle.

The reason so many of us have greatly anticipated the second season is the relationship between Aziraphale and Crowley. So for me, casting any of these folks in the show (but particularly Georgia and AL) draws attention away from the Husbands, almost as if to say the relationship between Aziraphale and Crowley is somehow less/not as worth our attention as their "real" relationships. It also goes back to what I mentioned above about stunt casting, and again, if the viewers the show very much relies on see it that way and are turned off by that/perceived nepotism, it may cause the show itself to suffer overall.

So those are my thoughts on the potential casting of Peter Davison/Ty Tennant and Georgia/AL being in GO 2. I suspect we won't really know the truth about who is or isn't in the show until it's released, but to the Anons who felt they are alone in having feelings of hesitation over these casting decisions: You are very much not the only one who feels as you do, and I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to write in and share your feelings with me. We'll just have to wait and see what happens...

[thematthewscrew]

( Here something that I started writing but didn't finish at first about how Audrey broke her arm before Halloween and before it was discovered about Ella. But It's now completed with the help of @mayabrazton which I appreciate so much😊)

Bumps and Bruises

The girls, except for Lydia were in the backyard playing on the trampoline while the dogs barked. Lydia was in a mood and put herself in her room because Colin and I got onto her for her attitude again. I was in the kitchen but I was able to still see the girls through the window above the sink over looking the sink. Colin was in the front yard dealing with leaves. I was making a snack for the girls when I heard Lydia come down. I turned while she got a soda out of the fridge. " Would you like a snack too Lydia?" I asked her. She ignored me. " Excuse me?" Silence. " Young lady I am talking to you." I said. She turned around rolling her eyes as she did " I asked would you like a snack?" I told her. She just shook her head no. " You know you can't keep the silent act up all fall break. I know you're mad because your dad and I scolded you but this act is gonna get old." I told her. She just shrugged her shoulders and went back upstairs. I sighed and turned back to finish the girls snacks. I just finished placing the apples on their plate when I heard the most terrifying screams. I immediately dropped the plates and ran outside. When I did I was met with the twins " Mama you gotta come!" Gracie said out of breath " It's AK she's hurt her arm!" Abbie exclaimed. " Okay girls deep breathe okay?" I said calmly and the twins did take a breath as I told them. Then we rushed over to their sister. " Mama my arm hurts." Audrey sobbed. I could already tell by the way it looked it was defiantly broken. " Gracie, get your daddy from the front yard. He probably couldn't hear from the leaf blower." I told her. She just shook her head and ran. " Mama my arm really hurts." Audrey sobbed " I know baby. Your daddy and I are gonna take you to get it all better ok?" I told her as I brushed through her hair. " She fell off the trampoline." Abbie told me. " She what?" I asked " She fell. She was trying to do a cool trick like Gracie and I do and she fell. We told her not too." Abbie said getting upset " " Oh baby this is not your fault. She just thinks she can do what you guys do but sometimes she forgets she's little." I told her. By then Colin came rushing towards with Lydia too. " What happened?" He asked kneeling by Audrey. " She fell off the trampoline." I said " Daddy my arm hurts." Audrey sobbed. " I know baby. " he told her " You think your mom can come by and watch the girls?" I asked " Of course they don't live far. Lydia watch your sisters till Oma gets here okay? Do you think you think you can handle that?" He asked " Yes sir." She said nodding. " I'm gonna go get the car ready." I told Colin. " No mama". Audrey cried breaking my heart. " I'll get it ready. You stay with her and then when I get back I'll carry her." Colin said. I nodded and brushed the hair out of Audrey's face. " You know what Audrey you're gonna have an awesome cast." Lydia told her. I smiled knowing she was trying to get her sister to feel better. " Really?" Audrey sniffed. " Oh totally." Lydia said. " Will it hurt?" She asked her big sister, Lydia shook her head " No I don't think so, they'll probably give you some medicine." She told her. Audrey just nodded and wiped her tears.

Before I knew it Colin was back. " Alright baby your daddy is going to carry you to the car but I'll be right behind you ok?" I told her. She nodded and Colin carefully picked her up. We got her in the back seat and I got in with her trying to keep her calm as possible. " Wasn't there suppose to be a net with the trampoline?" I asked Colin " Remember that storm we had the other day? Well it ruined the net and we had to order another one." He replied " Oh yes I remember now, and the shipping got delayed. I should have been out there with them." I replied feeling mom guilt. " Hey this isn't your fault. Accidents happen. Kids get bumps and bruises. It is what helps them grown." He said looking at me through the review mirror. " you're right." I sighed brushing my fingers through Audrey's hair. She's still crying but not as bad " Mama my arm really hurts" " We are almost to the hospital baby to get you all better." I said kissing her head.

Colin got us parked and then he carefully got Audrey out of the car. We entered the ER and before we knew it nurses came over asking what had happened. Then they got us into a room. Then one of the doctors came in and saw her they defiantly got her the X-ray in right away after looking at her arm. Then the doctor had one of the nurses start the IV for pain medication for her. After that the nurse was leaving and told us it hopefully won't be long till AK got her X-ray. When she left I turned to Audrey " You had me scared little girl." I told her " I'm not little mama." She told me tiredly from the medication " Yes you are you'll always be my little girl." I said. " I hope that net comes in soon. We defiantly don't need another girl hurt." Colin said looking at his phone for shipping updates for the trampoline net.

I was sitting on the hospital bed with Audrey trying to soothe her. I looked over at Colin while rubbing Audrey’s back and realized how nervous he was. His leg bouncing, eyes frantically scanning over the different anatomy charts on the walls, mindlessly picking at his nails. “Colin” I said gently, trying to snap him out of it. No response. “Colin!” I said a little louder. “Yeah? What’s wrong?” He asked shifting his focus to me and Audrey. “She is going to be ok. I think the pain medication has kicked in and the doctor should be in soon.”

“I know..I just don’t like seeing her in pain that I can’t take away.” “I know it’s hard but this won’t be the last time it happens. We can’t always take the pain away but we can make it easier to deal with.” Colin smiled at me and got up to join me on the bed to help soothe Audrey some more. The doctor came in shortly after and walked us through everything they’re going to do, starting with a bunch of x-rays. He managed to help distract Audrey with the selection of colors that she could pick for her cast. She was actually a little excited to have a cast because Lydia said they were cool and she could get her friends at school to sign it. After the x-rays were done the doctor showed us where the break was and gave us an estimated healing time. I was worried that the images would scare Audrey but I was surprised by her reaction. “That’s what it looks like in my arm?” She asked looking at the screen. “Yeah baby. It is.” I said hesitantly. “Woah!” She said completely fascinated. “How about we get your cast on so you can show everyone how tough you are!” The doctor said making Audrey’s eyes light up. The rest of the time at the hospital went smoothly and Audrey was discharged in no time. On the way home I kept glancing to the back to see Audrey admiring her new accessory and decorating it with some stickers she had left in the car the other day. Colin’s hand found mine in my lap and gave them a little squeeze. “She is a tough one. She gets that from you.” He said while smiling and glancing over at me briefly. “She has the best of the both of us. Our little caboose.” I said while smiling back.

@mcrb2dt-evans

[hellhoundmaggie]

5 Songs

**Share 5 songs related to your current WIPs (art or writing related)

**If you don’t have a wip, you can share what you like about your top 5!

tagged by @cymatile, thank you cymatile

I usually don't listen to songs with lyrics when writing, because they're too distracting. Often I'll throw on that lo-fi hip-hop beats stream. But I will sometimes listen to a thematic song or two before writing to get in the proper headspace. And how convenient, I made up a playlist for my blorbo, Wayne Scarlethollow! Listen to it why doncha?

There are 13 videos on that list, but I will pick out my Top 5 songs from it and explain them! In no particular order:

1. Mx. Sinister (I Don't Know How But They Found Me)

And I'll get you yet (I'll get you yet) I've got to make you mine Just know I'm not the sinister type

Wayne kind of understands that he strikes people as creepy, but when he tries to be reassuring it just comes off as even creepier. But he's literally neurodivergent and a miner, so I'm willing to give him a pass. In fact, it's part of his charm.

2. I Will Possess Your Heart (Death Cab for Cutie)

How I wish you could see the potential The potential of you and me It's like a book elegantly bound but In a language that you can't read just yet

The way the instrumentals slowly build from a simple bass riff into an intense soundscape over more than four-and-a-half minutes before the vocals even kick in! Gives me chills, folks. Plus the stalker's smug condescension and certainty (or false bravado?) that he will earn his target's love captures Wayne's attitude to a T.

3. The Point of No Return (The Phantom of the Opera)

Past all thought of right or wrong One final question How long should we two wait before we're one?

If you watch the clip from the Royal Albert Hall's 2011 production of PotO, you'll understand why I picked this song. You all can see it, right? I firmly believe that events similar to the PotO scene will play out in Episode 6. Wayne will walk on in to Avery's party, letting the guests assume he's a guy with a bitchin' Halloween costume, and give MC a big ultimatum. MC must either leave their friends to the horrors and go with him to (relative) safety, or stay with them all and probably die. The drama!

4. Liebestod (Tristan und Isolde)

Do I alone hear this melody, which wonderfully and softly, lamenting delight, telling it all, mildly reconciling sounds out of him, invades me...

The final aria from Tristan und Isolde captures not only the tragic romance aspect of the Waynemance that I think the devs are building towards, but also how bizarre a Waynemancer MC must be to pass over a bunch of nice, conventionally-attractive people for a scary zombie man. Yes Sybil, Wayne is my friend and we're in love and I am drowning in his song and sweet smell. Why are you looking at me like that?

5. Under Attack (ABBA)

This is getting crazy, I should tell him so Really let my anger show Persuade him that the answer to his questions is a definite no (I'm kind of flattered I suppose)

"Stop following me! uwu" A bouncy 80s pop song is a fun way to close out a playlist full of heavy tracks and serious themes. And yet there's a haunting quality to this one. Again, I don't think the Waynemance is going to end well. But it's going to be a lot of fun, won't it?

Tagging @lytorika, @itsmewahoo, @nimbexy, @shanklinthestabpossum @kris-mage-fics. No pressure!

[marcelinesghost13]

Okay blog... I am going to try to write about the events that have been occurring over the last couple days. There is a part of me that just wants to ball my fucking eyes out and cry uncontrollably. Then there's a part of me that wants to fucking scream her fucking lungs out.

So if you've read my blogs before you know that I have left my wife because of her actions towards me last Friday. Over the last couple days I have been trying to mend and fix my relationship with her.

Yet there are several people that care about me and love me that don't agree with my actions. One of those individuals even pretended to be me and filed a police report of abuse. I addressed those actions on my FB because I know it's someone there that did this. I honestly was not too happy that they did that but I don't hold it against them because what they did was an act of love. And I'm very much about love as many of you know. So whoever it is is well aware that I'm aware of what they did and I am going to move on.

As far as my marriage goes it is totally 100% dead at this point. That was evidently clear to me today. My wife let me know exactly her point of view of our relationship and the things that I have done to ruin it. She has let me know that she is allowed me to have the friends that I have. She has allowed me and tolerated all my crazy ideas. And I have treated her like dirt along with my family. And have completely abandoned her her entire life. I have never made a decision with her at any point or time in our marriage or relationship. Simply because I do whatever the fuck I want to do because I am a narcissistic asshole. She let me know that she was upset that I got her a car and she didn't get to make a choice of what kind of vehicle she wanted. I just got her a car and told her deal with it this is what you're going to be driving now. That's just one of many things that has happened in our marriage. She also let me know that me transitioning was supposed to be a decision that we both made. And me deciding to come out was very selfish for me to do because I should have talked to her first about coming out as a girl. He is upset with me because I have treated her like crap her whole life. and the reason why she is acting the way she's acting is because she's finally standing up to me and all my bullying towards her. She's not going until allow her husband to make decisions for her anymore. So that is my wife's point of view on our relationship and marriage.

As far as I'm concerned I'm done. We clearly do not have the same point of view of what occurred in the last almost 30 years of being together. I was a good dad to my daughter and I was constantly there all the time. I have done a lot of things in my life in order to make my wife's life so much easier. Plus she has a tendency of getting in trouble quite a bit especially when it comes to finances. I have bailed her out of every financial hole that she has dug. I have supported her for every bad fucking decision that she has made and her life and she has made a lot of bad decisions. Some of them have to do with her leaving a job simply because she's upset that the manager is a bitch or the manager is a fucking asshole so she's not going to put up with that kind of attitude and I'm the fuck out of here. Even though her leaving would financially fuck us. I still supported her leaving because I knew I could pick up the slack. I have constantly been buying her side the whole time she's been sick. I have made sure that a lot of the doctors don't bully her into something that she doesn't need to get into. Granted I'm not very smart when it comes to medical stop I am the first to admit to that but if something sounds wrong I am going to say something. I think that's what a good husband would do. I have done everything I can to love this woman and she never once affection. I've tried to do holding hands and just public affection she doesn't care for it. I've tried for years for her to like cuddle with me not happening. The bad that we sleep in literally has a lump in the middle of it because she sleeps on one end and I sleep on the other end. There's no snuggles there's no cuddles there's nothing. I can't do this anymore. And everything is always so fucking negative. And then I'm the one that gets gaslighted for her having a miserable fucking time. None of this adds up. And I know I'm not a narcissistic asshole or bitch. Then I didn't know it was her choice for me to come out as a girl. I didn't know that I was posted clear it with her about coming out as a trans girl. I just don't think any of it's right.

It's really hard to write this blog and stay clear minded and focus. Simply because I'm writing this after I just had that conversation with her about our future together and what direction we are moving in. Because there was a whole lot of gas lighting in that conversation and I'm trying not to be pissed off. But I'm royally pissed off and I'm very hurt and I'm trying not to cry also because I'm so angry.

For days now I have been dropping off food at the house that way she doesn't starve to death. Because I know she needs to eat in order to take her medication. So that's why I've been getting food everyday Plus she doesn't know how to fucking cook. So I'm making sure that she's okay. This shows my level of compassion for her. Even though she's being really fucking mean I'm still showing up and being kind to her. If I was a narcissist I wouldn't be doing this. If I was a fucking asshole I wouldn't be doing this. If I only thought about myself I wouldn't be worrying about her. So how is it that someone can point that finger at me and say those things when I'm actually doing the complete opposite. It just doesn't make sense. It's hypocritical thought. I see you being kind to me I see you doing kind things for me I see that showing me compassion. Yet you're a narcissistic fucking asshole. Right.... How does that work again.

I am so done I'm not texting her anymore. We are supposed to go to Denver Colorado in order for her to meet with her doctor. I don't think I can do that. Simply because I don't know if I want to be stuck in a car with her for 8 hours. I have done it a number of times with her over the years. And sometimes a lot of the times actually it is gotten really fucking ugly. She completely freaks the fuck out and screams her ass off and lets me know how shitty of a human being I am for the entire road trip. What.... how does that work. I'm wasting my money to get a hotel and drive you with my money to put gas in my car to get you to where you need to be in order for you to get the treatment that you need. But yet I am the shitty fucking human being. Okay.... No I'm not doing this anymore I'm not putting up with this abuse I'm not putting up with the gaslighting I'm not doing anything anymore with her I am done. Honestly I don't want to be with anybody right now I just don't. I'm good with being friends with other guys and girls but I don't want to do the whole relationship thing right now. I honestly don't even want anything to do with sex right now. I I don't want to do that kind of human interaction I just can't fucking do it right now. My emotional level is completely fucking maxed out. I just can't have that kind of human interaction right now in my life. I need to actually be a little selfish right now and worry about me becoming the girl that I need to become.

The reason why I say that is because I found out last week that I am an intersex AKA a hermaphrodite. My genetic coding says that I have more x chromosome than y chromosome. Which means that I was supposed to be born a fucking girl but yet I'm stuck in this mierda male body. No longer will I be stuck in this body. I am going to do everything that I can in order to become the woman that I need to become. I can't be in this male body anymore.

100420231949

[the-firebird69]

Donald Trump Ignoring Judge's Ruling, E. Jean Carroll's Lawyer Says

They said that he defamed her and it's not what was said in court what in court was said was that he accosted her and there's two different things and these people in the news are being arrested for putting stuff up like that. But the case is proceeding on Monday and it is for defamation and since the attack was real actually or not it doesn't matter it's a separate case and the treaty is the same and going to shoot themselves in the foot again. This guy's a wreck and a piece of junk and it's just a threat sitting there we're working on getting them out and today that's supposed to be I am titanium the video it doesn't look like it's going to occur and it's going to be a school day we think it's not necessarily true but it has to do with the TV series which hasn't been done yet but we think the start of it's in westborough and it's about all these watches and really our son said it's about taking over the watch for George on the Max and they are saying they're doing it and they're not and they say they need the watches and it helps they actually start to think about it they know what time it is. And they are going forwards with it and it's a mess I fight over the watches it is very clear though it does make sense but it does start with that video which is coming up but the bike that they're going to build is one that they all have the prototype for and I wonder why they should go up there and if they go up there we'll see why there's a platform out back and it has parts and a few of them and women who have children understand that it's a dream and to see your child do well and it's a dream for Kevin to have a business with our son and it was stopped and halted by a whole bunch of people they're nasty losers I think everything is free it's not true at all anywhere especially here and boy do they get their asses kicked a lot of them even the max are now getting them kicks for this asinine attitudes. Moreover some people are working for a living and these people don't and it's doomed to failure. People are finding the video in the tapes but really they're up there in westborough and then they're in safe keeping in some places some people put them in the bank and the local banks which is rare there's a couple clips some people but 90% of them are up there even though they're looking at them and some people see people watching it is a disastrously important for some reason and ridiculous how they feel about it is they have to go do it so he can't and they're selling us all these businesses I guess they don't know who we are and we think we're Max and they say either way a million times it's going to be an ugly scene but it is picking up

Thor Freya

I find a couple things of interest open that platform are things that he and Kevin youman talked about and there's a witness I'm here at them once and he talked to him about it it was brief and he said he wanted if he could help and he asked him to help and they talked about it a few times too and he's right there and people are calling him the Big Chief. And it's going on now that he is witness to the project and was going to be part of it and it feels bad cuz it didn't work at all and people are calling him names and harassing him it made it worse but my husband and Kevin put parts up there my husband found a few things and he was gathering them tried to order some online I went to a parts store and he had a dirt bike he had some old parts I brought them out there and left them there and they covered them with a tarp and they're in tanks and people think they can make it out of that good luck on that one but it's a disaster. And people don't want to do that big they want to reconfigure it one of those you can probably do it pretty easy but it won't hold enough weight and there's no way to really reinforce it they're kind of wimpy benches and he says maybe they should use the bench not the tube one but the and really you could use the tube for the larger international harvester roll cage and you say it because you can put it back together but really you can't use it and it made him strong when he was younger and it helped him and it was a great deal if he gets it again bus driver question is going to use it for a light workout. Odds are it would be coming back this is a good idea too he's got three benches two of them were smaller metal one was round and one was tube steel and they want the tube steel one and they're fighting over it now he didn't really have that much else that was tube steel you can actually use both I think you need both to make one and he says I think so I think the piping might work for something this thing is too big it is pretty big use it for a muffler cover and the laughing because it would look cool. Really there's there's a few other things that he had but not many he really did not have that much stuff in one of those inclined Kung Fu by rooster Bruce Lee's enemy Chuck Norris and that would work too and so there might be a couple ideas and he's handled the metal but the steel in the house is too big and the aluminum is still good

I've got an idea to know what I'm talking about he's not really witness he was part of the original project

Hera

We're going to have problems but we do already and they need a heads up

Olympus

[deerydear]

It's way more fun to leave it to the mystery of the wind....

...but, to my ears, I always thought it was obvious that Ryuzaki's aggressive-top attitude was a parody-dig at L.

"You know, I am childish and I hate to lose."

"I have never once been submissive, not even to a traffic signal."

It just makes sense coming out of L's mouth.

Although.... *dipshit thinking-face*

Someone else brought up the point that maybe L copied Ryuzaki's copy of him, for the Kira case..... specifically just to freak Kira out, try to throw him off balance.

He had heard how well it had worked for Ryuzaki.

My other supposition: Everything that Ryuzaki did was supposed to be a dig at L, including rifling through a murder-victim's panty-drawer in plain view of another detective.

Look, you would think that if B had wanted to do that.... that he would have made time specifically for when he wouldn't have company. But he knew Naomi was coming. She says this, she detected it in her gut, before her mind had processed it.

It's also fun to be the bad guy.

I often think about the movie Se7en, where the lead detectives are interrogating the serial-killer they've caught.

He says he was inspired by God.

One detective asks: "If you feel that you were ordered to do this, then why did you seem to get so much enjoyment out of it?"

[.........]

"Nothing wrong with a man taking pleasure in his work"

I have a strong distaste for fandom... I like the privacy that a book holds.

For me, this has really been like a litmus-test for tumblrites' intelligence, at least for as much as I should take random people's opinions seriously.

If you can't even solve a problem where there is a definite right or wrong answer, where there is INTENT, there is a question posed.... then how could I expect anything of you?

I'm not trying to insult, but I'm putting my thought-process out on paper.

A dangerous thing.... is that?

Is it so dangerous to know what's running through another man's head?

Another funny thing, back to Ryuzaki: is how there are two components.

One, he put the plan out on paper. He marked it down, he planned it.

Two, he did it.

IT'S LIKE SURFING, MY DEAR WATSON!

lol...

because there are all these currents underneath your feet, and you have to know how to move over them, in order to achieve a goal.

So imagine for yourself, putting a plan on paper........ then, how you would realize it into the world.

(L's other succeeding heirs each embodied these two functions of his personality: the cold, methodical, calculating one who sits like a spider; the one who picks up all the pieces and organizes them, one at a time.

The other is the actor, the instigator, the one who grabs life by the balls and pulls.)

Catch the wave, my dear Watson!

I'd do it because it would amuse me. It isn't particularly my natural behaviour, but what is natural anyways?

Everything is trying to achieve form all of the time. The ether is full of unrealized potentials.

Did you know that the I Ching's hexagrams -- alternating yin and yang lines -- are the inspiration for the binary math that is used in computers today?

0's and 1's

Assigning an alphabet to ordered combinations of these: 01101100 01100101 01110100 01110100 01100101 01110010 01110011.

Let's look at an episode of south park for inspiration:

The time where the guys TP someone's house.

This little soundbite video, embedded up above, is a lot funnier in the full context of what's going on in the world. I linked to the episode so you can watch it.

Just make sure your antivirus is active. Wear a condom, man.

Why I bring this up?: When I first saw this, I wasn't aware that this was inspired by another movie. I thought it was hilarious in its own right.

Something about that...

You know.... if we're going to play tit-for-tat, I think that Misora got off pretty light, as far as the Ryuzaki treatment goes.

I mean, that L is so weird that he chose to handcuff himself to another person, spent every second of every day and night together with him... even as far as showering.

Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!

[cat3ch1sm]

This is my first request but could you do the wammy boys reaction to the reader giving them a spa day? (Like with skin care masks, hair masks, nail painting, the whole 9-yards :33)

🐢| order up! enjoy<33 this will be a mix of headcanons plus scenarios!!

mello

❀ spa day? what's that? this man hasn't taken a deep breath since 1876

❀ mello is usually fine with the absurd things you suggest to do when you're bored- but what? having someone personally pamper him? someone actually showing him that they care about him and his wellbeing? the fuck?

he's just really confused as to why you want to give him a spa day

he's gonna act all tough and defensive when you suggest it as if he's too hardcore for a spa day, but really, he's kinda into the idea

"Please, Mello? Just this once." "Fine- if you insist."

hair masks

"What is this shit even supposed to be?" Mello glanced from the open container of moisturizer to you, his expression disdainful as he peered into the jar.

You smiled cheerfully, paying no mind to Mello's attitude- after all, he'd agreed to this in the first place. "It's a hair mask! It really helps with dry or damaged hair, and I know you really haven't taken care of your hair like you should be..."

Mello scoffed, but didn't deny this. "I don't have time."

"Okay, Mello," you chuckled, slightly exasperated as you moved towards him. "Here, I'll help you put yours in."

face masks

"And now my hair feels disgusting. Happy?"

"As a matter of fact, I am," you replied brightly before clapping your hands together. "Next, we're gonna do face masks!"

Mello automatically recoiled, his face repulsed. "Huh? We have to put this stuff on our faces?"

"What- no, of course not. Face masks are different from hair masks," you explained, tearing open two thin bags each containing a sage green face mask. To show Mello, you took one out and held it in front of your face, making sure your features aligned with the holes in the mask. "See?"

"That looks terrifying as hell."

You couldn't help but laugh as you set the mask back down on the bag. "Think so? Wait till we get to put cucumbers over our eyes."

"Wait- the fuck?"

nail painting- manicure+pedicure

"You're really pushing your luck here, Y/N."

"Hey- you agreed to this! You gotta go the whole way now."

Mello let out a melodramatic groan, but you could tell he wasn't really annoyed. "Black. I'm getting black."

"Mello. You wear the same chipped polish every day. It's time for an upgrade, dude." You stepped aside from the table behind you to display the numerous bottles of nail polish you'd laid out. "Choose whatever colors you want- one for fingernails and one for toenails. And you can't choose black."

"We're doing both?"

"Pick two colors!"

"What- fine."

massage

"Are you trying to make this weird?"

Undeterred, you shot a wide smile Mello's way, and slightly flustered, he dropped his sullen gaze to the ground. "Not at all. I'm only doing this because you haven't relaxed since the day you were born, so..."

Mello, whom you had forced into a chair, looked up abruptly, no doubt preparing to protest- but realizing you were probably right, he folded his arms across his chest. "Whatever. Do what you want."

"Thank you." You leaned over to kiss him quickly on the nose, to which he turned his eyes to the sky, avoiding your gaze.

༊* he ends up enjoying the massage way more than he expected himself to, although he absolutely won't admit it. well, you can tell anyway.

steamy shower

"You haven't said anything snarky yet," you informed Mello, a brow raised. "Have I broken you already?"

You had already started a hot shower, waiting for it to steam up a little more before it was ready.

"Don't be dumb. I'm wondering if this will be the only thing I can actually get into in this so-called 'spa day.'"

"Hm? What makes this less miserable?" you queried curiously.

"I get to see you naked."

"Oh- Jesus." Now it was your turn to stare at the ground, face hot as you began heading to the shower, Mello beside you.

matt

༊* matt is totally down. tbh go mf crazy

hair masks

"So how do you put this stuff on?" Matt asked, popping the container open and sticking a finger into the moisturizer. "You just drench your hair in this stuff?"

"Well, there's a specific way you have to apply it so you get full coverage," you explained. "Here, let me- Matt?"

You hadn't even begun your explanation before Matt had already turned the whole thing over on his head, tapping the bottom of the container to get all of the product out. Unfazed by the stuff dripping from his hair and sliding down his cheeks, he promptly looked back at you expectantly. "What's next?"

face masks

Finally, you'd managed to clean most of the hair mask from Matt's face- although there was still glossy residue on his clothes, and his hair was full of product. With an exasperated shake of your head, you set down the damp rag you'd been using and picked up a face mask.

"That looks a little freaky," Matt remarked, an eyebrow raised at the mask you held over your face.

"Clear skin doesn't," you replied nonchalantly, placing it on your skin and moving to get Matt's face mask. Matt, in the meantime, peered into the bowl of dewy cucumbers with an odd look. "What are these for? Do we eat them?"

You spun around instantly. "Matt, no-"

Too late- your boyfriend had already decided to munch on the green vegetable slices, popping at least three into his mouth and frowning slightly. "These taste weird as hell."

"I- good grief, Matt, you weren't supposed to eat them!"

"Really? Wow." Matt sent you an innocently bright smile, cucumbers sitting in front of his teeth. "My bad."

Regardless of Matt's antics, you couldn't help but smile.

nails- manicure+pedicure

"I can totally do my own nails, you know."

"Yeah, well, after that hair mask stunt, I don't trust you around this stuff," you retorted, setting down the barrage of nail polish bottles you had. "Choose two colors- one for your fingers and one for your feet."

"Why don't I just get a different color for every nail?" Matt asked flippantly, bent over to observe the nail colors you'd laid out.

"Because you have too many digits for that. Now choose or I'm choosing for you," you answered, giving Matt a pointed look.

Now Matt grinned in amusement. "Ha! There are easily thirty different colors here. You just don't have the patience." Casually, he danced over to the still present bowl of cucumbers and popped one into his mouth.

You shrugged before laughing out loud. "You aren't wrong."

massage

"Why do I need a massage?"

"Because you hang around Mello twenty-seven hours a day."

Matt gave you an amused look. "What does my hanging out with Mello have to do with me needing a massage? And also, there aren't that many hours in a day. Just saying."

"I know that, genius. What I mean is, Mello is the most uptight person I know, and I'm sure it's not doing you any favors. Now sit on the chair." You indicated a wooden chair in the center of the room.

Matt raised a brow at it skeptically before glancing back at you oddly. "This is supposed to be a massage chair?"

"Well, I really can't go out and buy a big fancy recliner when we're in hiding because the goddamn police are looking for you," you replied with a dramatic eye roll.

"You know, I figured I wouldn't be able to relax with a massage from you anyway, but you're really making it worse."

"I'm still better than Mello."

"Are you?"

shower

"So now you're saying I stink?"

"Matt!"

"Kidding. Come on, let's get in."

"So you're automatically assuming we're showering together?"

"You don't have a choice, babe."

near

༊* he's wondering why you came up with the idea, but after some convincing, he agrees to it if it will please you. but be aware that this man has no idea what self-care is😭😭 the almighty near has no damn clue how to brush his hair properly

hair masks

"Uh- I'm not sure I know what exactly a hair mask is," Near informed you, eyeing the jars of scented hair product somewhat cautiously. "Will it have any detrimental effects on my hair after I use it that I need to know about?"

"Uh-" Quickly, you snatched up one of the jars and skimmed over the words on the label before putting it down and smiling brightly. "Nope! All good. Also, I had to buy a million of these because your hair is insane and I really doubt you take care of it like you should. You're welcome."

"Thanks?" Near picked up a strand of white hair and twirled it in between his fingertips before glancing up to watch you open one jar. "Do you just... put it in your hair?"

"Pretty much."

Near paused and stared at the jars for a second before looking back up at you expectantly. Feeling his eyes on you, you looked back up at him questioningly.

"Do... you need me to show you?"

"That would be nice."

face masks

"Huh- my hair feels... moist."

You had to fight the urge to laugh at how clueless your boyfriend was when it came to these matters. "That's what's supposed to happen- see? No side effects."

"Alright. What will we do now?"

"Face masks!" you announced excitedly, laying out the supplies. Near glanced down at them with a furrowed brow.

"I believe I've seen these before... I may know how to apply one if I can remember correctly." Tentatively, Near took one in between his index finger and thumb and promptly plastered it on his face, looking at you expectantly. "Is this right?"

You blinked a couple of times before smiling slightly. "Uh- yeah. But don't forget the cucumbers!"

"To... eat?"

"Nope! You put them over your eyes to get rid of eyebags."

"Eyebags? I am only nineteen- I don't think those are an issue yet-"

"Yeah? When was the last time you slept more than two hours at night?"

"I get plenty of sleep," Near retorted defensively. "Just last night I was able to-" Suddenly, he cut himself off, mind blanking as he tried to recall a night where he'd gotten an adequate amount of sleep.

You raised a brow at Near pointedly. "Case and point."

nails- manicure+pedicure

༊* i think near would rather paint a mural or something on the floor instead of doing his nails- but tbh he doesn't care, let him go crazy

You sat on the ground in front of Near, observing his activity with a puzzled look on your face. "I'm a little surprised you decided to paint the ground instead of your nails, but whatever makes you happy." You tilted your head at the art made of several glittery polishes and smelling strongly of chemicals. "What are you making, anyway?"

Near didn't answer, dabbing a few more drops of metallic silver onto the floor before scooting back and observing his drawing.

"Look- I made Ryuk."

༊* pls tell him it looks nice no matter how it may actually look because pls

massage

༊* near does not want the massage. he wants to keep painting. he also starts stacking the empty nail polish bottles on top of each other. u must play with him

steamy shower

"Hot showers make my hair frizzy."

"Yes, Near, but you need to exfoliate, so you don't have any choice."

"I have never exfoliated before. I don't see any reason why I should begin now."

"Near, you already agreed to the spa day- you gotta go all in now."

ryuzaki

༊* it takes a lot of pleading and cake but you finally get l to agree to your spa day. except now you owe him like five slices of cake. fun.

༊* so uh yeah buckle up bc this man has never breathed in the same room as a shower

a/n- anyways purely headcanons here because this post is hella long n im tired

hair masks

༊* will probably take the whole container and dump it on his head

༊* he will proceed to accidentally gel his hair into a bunch of naruto-looking hairstyles and wonder why you're falling tf out in the back

༊* then l realizes his hair looks weird asf, get irritated by you laughing at him, and then go to you and turn a whole different container over your head because he's childish and petty. have fun cleaning the stuff off your face and shirt

face masks

༊* -puts face mask over self- "Boo."

༊* bro has no clue how to take care of himself. at all. mentally or physically. he's worse than every other wammy boy combined. it's rare he even bathes properly, let alone does a whole spa day routine

༊* once you say the cucumbers are supposed to get rid of eyebags/dark circles, he flat out refuses to put them on his face

༊* "Ryuzaki. You're telling me you don't see why you need to put the cucumbers over your eyes?"

"No. I think my dark circles give me character."

༊* eh, well, he isn't wrong.

nails- manicure+pedicure

༊* honestly L kinda likes the idea of having his nails done. he is not at all concerned with the feminine factor he just thinks it looks nice

༊* he sits all quiet and still while you paint his nails with dark blue or black. finally his frog position works out to your advantage because his toes and fingernails are displayed

༊* does everything in his power not to smear the polish once you're done. he will also not remove it willingly for several weeks afterward

massage

༊* l is the one giving you a massage despite your efforts to convince him to let it be the other way around. ur not complaining tho

༊* at first you hear bones cracking and get anxious but it turns out it's pretty refreshing

༊* 10/10 massager. would hire at a salon

steamy shower

༊* mans has never walked into a shower in his life. he has basically always used that weird washing machine thing

༊* he also keeps the water absolutely freezing and therefore is not at all open to getting in a hot shower. he is also dramatic as all hell about it and is stressing u tf out

༊* "Do you want me to boil alive?"

"Good question."

[tendousthoughts]

HQ Boys Thinking Their S/O Left Them Pt. 2

Character(s) included: Tsukishima & Ushijima

Warning(s): Cursing

Song of the day: Love The Way You Lie by Eminem

A/N: Wow thanks for 200+ likes on my last part & 15+ reblogs! I’m almost at 150 followers so thank you for that too! I can't believe that my account is still active! Here’s part two! As always my ask box is open for comments and such! I would love to have some more Anons or even some character anons. Part three is next so if you have any haikyuu boys you want next just send a message! Please forgive any spelling and grammatical errors!

Where to find all the parts!

Where to find all my content!

Tag(s): @chibiiichann

Tsukishima

So the argument was your fault. The ‘harmless’ joke made its way to be more effective than you imagined. So maybe it wasn’t as funny as you thought to pour water on his head as soon as he got through the door. But it wasn’t your fault for not knowing he was having a tough day already.

“Baby.. please.. kei, I am sorry..” you whispered softly as you followed him in. You could tell he was angry. After all he just wanted to rest and now you just fucked everything up. “Kei.. please.” He turned to you.

“What?” He was drenched and tried to not let his attitude show. He just wanted to take a shower and go to bed.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.. it was just supposed to be a harmless prank..” you muttered softly now avoiding his eyes. They felt like they were burning holes into you.

“Oh wow so funny!” He looked at you. Now making eye contact you can feel the hints of venom in his voice. “It’s so fucking funny. You know sometimes I wonder if I ever did the shit you do to me back to you how would you react? I mean after all it’s just a fucking harmless prank! Do you ever just fucking think for a moment, ‘fuck maybe that’s not a good idea?’ Or no? I mean is you brain so fucking small and your so fucking dumb to the point you don’t have a good thought in there?!” His voice was loud, deep, and annoyed. You could almost see the hatred seeping from each word. You looked to the ground and took his hurtful and harmful words. 

It was your fault after all.

After a moment he looked down at you, getting out everything he needed to say, well almost everything. “It fucking sucks to put up with you sometimes. I hope you know your fucking lucky.” There he went, finally finishing his bitter words. He left slamming the door behind him as he started the shower. The warm tears that you had been holding in now finally making their way out.

After grabbing a jacket, phone, wallet, and keys you leave. Feeling terrible that he had to put up with you. Locking the door as you left you decided to take a walk. It was cold and dark. It was a terrible idea to have, but there wasn’t much more that you could do.

After he finished his shower he got out looking for you. He had sorta realized the weight of his words. He knew he went too far.

After about five minutes he realized you were nowhere in sight. He changed and grabbed his phone. “Pick up..” he muttered, calling you. It was too cold for you to be out, let alone it was too dark.

You looked down at your phone and just ignored the call, scared to be yelled at again. It was freezing, now coming to the realization that you should have brought a bigger jacket. You head to a nearby ramen place to eat.

On his side he is freaking the fuck out. “Fuck fuck..” he muttered softly. He tried calling you again and to his surprise you picked up. “Y/n where are you?” He seems upset.

“Don’t worry about it.. just get some rest okay? Night.” You’re almost about to hang up where he starts talking again. He is frantic and you can tell he is extremely worried.

“Y/n please. It’s dark and cold and I don’t want you getting lost or anything worse please..” he mumbled softly. He is trying not to seem overbearing.

“I’ll be okay. Goodnight.” You hang up. Not to your surprise he calls you about five times as you order something to go for the both of you. After about twenty minutes you start to walk back. It’s pitch black and freezing. You put the bag on your arm and zip up your thin jacket. Now holding onto your phone on flashlight with one hand and with the other the soup trying to keep warm. It takes you another fifteen minutes to arrive and you open the door.

Tsukishima was waiting by the door. It was quite late so you bit your lip and closed the door after. In that time Tsukishima’s arms are already tightly around you. His eyes were red and puffy and it was clear he had been crying.

“I told you to get some rest, Kei..” you whispered softly, unsure why he was up. Kinda glad that the ramen did go to waste though.

“I am sorry.. I’m sorry.. I’m sorry..” he started to cry again holding you tight. You were cold to the touch and to be honest if it weren’t for what he said earlier you would probably be really enjoying this.

“It’s okay.. I got some dinner..” you whisper breaking away from his grasp as you sit at the table him following after. He wiped away the tears sitting in front of you. He felt like shit. As you place the food in front of him he gives a weak thank you, which you just shake your head to and start eating.

After dinner you get up putting your dishes away. Getting ready for bed after. As you finish brushing your teeth and changing. You are met with his long warm arms around you once again. He missed you all day, and didn’t want you to be distant any longer. “I’m sorry y/n..” he whispered softly, tears rolling down his face.

“It’s okay kei.. don’t worry I know you didn’t, it was my fault anyway..” you muttered softly. “I’m sorry baby..” you wipe away his tears. “I didn’t mean to worry you okay..?” He just holds on tighter and shakes his head gently, picking you up. He decides to carry you to the room you two share. As he holds you, you whisper nothing but sweet words of love, trying to comfort him.

When he lays down you gently hold him. He clears his throat ready to apologize more. “Y/n.. I really didn’t mean any of that okay..? I really love you so much and I’m the lucky one. You’re so considerate and shit and you were just trying to play a prank but I had a really shitty day and just didn’t react well.. I’m sorry..” he whispered softly. His head is buried into the crevice between your shoulder and head. It was clear he was upset.

“Baby it’s okay.. don’t worry I know you didn't mean too.. it was my fault.." you whisper softly. His arms tighten around you holding you close. "I should have known it wasn't a good idea and just didn’t do it. Instead I decided to do it and then leave.. making you worried and stuff.. So I'm sorry.." you whispered softly.

He just shakes his head and smiles softly. "Okay.. I love you Y/n," he muttered softly as he closed his eyes. Quite tired from such a stressful day.

"I love you too Kei," you muttered back, staying up until you’re sure he is peacefully asleep. When you are sure, you drift to sleep. You are safe here. You are safe in his arms, being loved by him. This is where you are meant to be, forever.

Ushijima

Practice was shit. He missed almost everything that came his way, and to be honest it was getting to him. He was quite pissed seeing you with some other guy. No matter what or who they were, they weren’t him. That’s all that mattered. You were laughing and smiling with them and he was upset. So of course he would be off his game. Who wouldn’t? You were the person everyone wanted. Ushijima was lucky to be your boyfriend let alone even talk to you.

But the same could be said about Ushijima. He was known everywhere and you got jealous too at times. I mean who wouldn’t when he got gifts every time he entered a match. He barely talked to you then too, because he thought you would be too ‘distracting.’ So in the end you normally would sit in the back and chat with a few people but tried to stay focused. Today was different. It was a practice not a game. So you didn’t mind not paying attention.

Once practice ended you were met with Ushijima’s tall form in front of you. “Oh hey baby,” you smiled getting up. He doesn’t look too happy and gives the guy a stare that makes him almost immediately leave.

“Who’s he?,” he looked down at you again. You’re shorter than him but to be honest he loves it. He loves the fact that he can tease you with kisses or the fact he can pick you up.

“I just met him. He is pretty cool, turns out he was in one of my old classes.” You smile a bit.

“Oh. Okay let’s go.” He muttered softly. Now expecting a kiss on the head before you two leave you wait. It takes a moment before you realize you’re not getting one so you just follow after him.

“How was practice..” you ask when you guys get in the car. It was quiet and you didn’t like that. It was too quiet.

“You would have known if you were watching.” He was brief and quick with his answers. “It went bad.”

You shake your head softly and when you guys get back into the house it’s no better. Now deciding to break the silence once more. “What’s wrong baby..” you look at him. Something’s off. Completely off.

He looks to you maybe for the first time, in what.? Half an hour an hour of being in the same car. Whatever it was it didn’t matter, it was too long.

“I don’t know why you have to come to my practices and just distract me the whole time.” He doesn’t think about what to say before he does.

“What..? I didn’t run up to you like usual and I stayed in the back like you like! What do you mean ‘distract’ you?” You look at him confused.

“Maybe you shouldn’t come then. It seems like everywhere you have to just be in my way. Let alone you just bring people with you.” He looks annoyed and maybe you should just drop it. But you can’t. You did nothing wrong.

“What? I stayed out of your fucking way! I didn’t ask to come. You asked me too! It’s not like I begged you to come and then was up in your face the whole time. Like your so-called fans! They were up in your face the whole fucking time trying to give you gifts and shit! But ya I’m the distracting one!” You looked annoyed. Upset. Pissed off. Whatever you wanna call it.

“Really? Really? We wanna go there now? It’s not like every fucking time we walk the halls together someone doesn’t come up to say hello to you! Or asks if your fucking free, I mean it’s not like your with me or anything.” You can tell he is mad. But it isn’t your fault.

“Yes really! You have fucking people wait by the gates of the school for you. I mean that’s what I get for dating you right? I get a bunch of girls following my boyfriend, I get called a distraction when I come up to you and get called a distraction when I’m away from you. I don’t know what to fucking do at this point!” You can feel yourself tear up. This is fucked up.

“Wow. Of course. All my fucking fault. Mhm just blame it all on me. You know what fuck you, and fuck your high horse.” He slams the shared room’s door closed. You don’t say anything, deciding to just leave. You grab your stuff and close the door. It’s a bit chilly and you’re glad you grabbed a jacket. It wasn’t weird for you two to fight let alone get on each other’s nerves. But when it’s going good, it’s going great.

You leave heading to a friend’s house and stay the night. Unsure how you fucking feel at this point. What the fuck was up with him? You just tried to stay in your fucking lane. It hurts. It fucking hurts to be called a distraction. Maybe he didn’t get that. But you knew he did. He wasn’t that dumb. He wasn’t that fucking dense like everyone else thought. You knew he wasn’t. That was one of his worst insecurities and you knew it.

The next day you were dropped off at school and we’re surprised to see Ushijima waiting. You bit your lips walking right past him. You could see the hurt in his eyes. He had eye bags and his eyes were red and swollen. He seemed like he had been crying, you felt bad. But at the same time you didn’t. You needed him to understand how much you were hurt by his words.

When lunch came around he was waiting at the door of your classroom and you bit your lip. “Do you need something?” You ask. It took him a moment before he shook his head.

“Can we please talk.. I’m sorry..” he muttered softly. He was clearly still upset by yesterday’s fight and so were you.

“Okay. It’s fine I’m sorry too,” you look up now, his big arms were wrapped tightly around you. He sniffled softly as he was already tearing up again.

“I didn’t mean any of that.. you’re not a distraction and I love you so much baby..” he whispered softly. “I was just jealous and shit..” he muttered softly. “I don’t like it when you hang out with others and stuff and I know it’s not fair.. I just get worried you will like them more and just leave..” he whispered softly finally opening up.

“Hey look at me..” you whisper gently, taking your hands and wrapping them around his cheeks. “I won’t do that to you.. I love you so much, okay?” He shakes his head.

“I love you too y/n..” he muttered softly. He was tired and you could tell. Once you reached the cafeteria you sat next to him and he laid his head on your shoulder.

A soft laugh made its way out as you held him. God you love him. Nothing could ever change that. No matter any fight. You loved him and he loved you. That’s all that would ever matter.

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