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#'so you can go ahead and pretend I am someone else'
bearsbeetsbeskar · 9 months
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the next person I date has gotta be down to cosplay or role play as mando or ghost from cod, otherwise they ain't the one
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thebibliosphere · 1 year
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Speaking of therapy, I say, as though we're old friends, and you're not a stranger trapped in this metaphorical elevator with me and you can hear the suspension wires starting to fray.
I've been doing a lot of work recently that's focused on imposter syndrome and the feeling that no matter how well or how much I do, I'm not good enough. That I'm somehow tricking everyone into thinking my work is actually good.
Some days it's a minor niggle in my head that I can gentle and soothe with logic and affirmations. Or smother, depending on the mood. Other times it's loud and all-consuming and the mental anguish it causes me is so real I can feel it twitching in my muscles. This desperate fight-or-flight instinct with nowhere to go and nothing to fight but myself.
Anyway, because I'm several types of Mentally Unwell™, I was switching between workshop sheets ahead of next week. Filling in different forms. (Trying to get a good grade in therapy) And I got my "recognize your harmful ADHD coping mechanisms" worksheet mixed in with the "you're not actually lying to people, you just feel like you are because your brain is full of weasels" worksheet, and seeing them side by side made something go topsy turvy in my head, and I just had to sit and breathe for a couple of minutes until the urge to scream passed. Because it clicked, it all suddenly clicked.
The reason the imposter syndrome workshops and therapy sessions aren't sticking was because I do routinely trick people into thinking I'm someone I'm not.
Because I'm masking my ADHD for their convenience.
I've always known there was something wrong with me. My neurotypical peers made it abundantly clear I didn't fit in or was failing in some way I couldn't see nor remedy, no matter how hard I tried.
So I compressed myself into a workaholic box of hyper-competence in the hopes they'd stop noticing the flaws and exploit like me instead. And then subsequently lived with the daily fear that if they looked too close, they'd realize I'm a monumental fuck up with enough personal baggage to block the Suez Canal.
If you ever need someone to burn themselves to ashes for your comfort and convenience, I'm your gal.
Or I used to. Until I had a bit of a breakdown, and the rubber band holding my brain together snapped and pinged off into the stratosphere, never to be seen again.
Unfortunately, the trauma of living like that didn't also fuck off and instead left a gaping maw where my personality ought to be, so now I get to deal with that aftermath.
And it's that aftermath that's affecting the imposter syndrome shit. Because yes, I am hyper-competent and good at what I do-- but it doesn't feel real because that is how I mask.
And the truly frustrating thing is I am good at what I do. I am not pretending. I worked hard to be good at this. It just feels like I'm dicking around because 90% of my personality turns out to be trauma masquerading as humor in a trenchcoat, and having people genuinely like something weird I'm doing is so foreign my brain has decided it's just another form of masking.
I'm pretending to be a good author so people will think I'm a good author, and my brain thinks we are in Danger of being found out. We are in Danger, and writing is Dangerous because then people will know I'm Weird and not whatever palatable version I've presented myself as for their NT sensibilities.
Like the neurotic vampire with a raging praise kink wasn't an obvious giveaway.
Anyway. I got nothing else. Thanks for listening.
I'm going to go be very normal in another room and not stare into the abyss of my own soul for a bit.
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willowrites · 2 months
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𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 … you’ve never been eaten out and matt’s never tried…so firsts all around
you and matt had been hanging out in your room for the past hour. you had just gotten home and he decided to stay over for a bit.
you were watching a show that had a tiny sex scene in it.
“it cannot be that good.” your jaw was dropped as the actress was screaming.
matt laughed at your comment. “that guys ego is definitely high if he’s getting a reaction like that.
“yeah, like she’s practically screaming and shouting. although, who am i to judge. i wouldn’t know.” you shrugged. “but i mean if she’s screaming that loud at being eaten out, imagine how good the sex is.”
unfortunately that comment you made had matt fantasizing about how it would be to eat a girl out and it was odd because he saw you as the girl.
he was fidgeting with his shorts as he felt himself harden at his thoughts. he decided to try to ignore it until you asked him an interesting question.
“had a girl ever screamed like that when you had given her head? i’m curious.” you popped a popcorn in your mouth.
he hesitated. “u-uhh, i’ve never really…” he didn’t finish his sentence. you gulped.
“really?” you asked in shock. “sorry, i just…i’d just thought that you have.”
“no..have you ever..you know..” he didn’t want to say anything else.
“ever…” you were waiting for him to ask.
“been eaten out.” he blurted. his boner making things worse.
“oh! um no i haven’t. i’ve like imagined it but nope, never happened to me.” the movie was the least of both of your worries now that you were both thinking of the same topic.
matt couldn’t help but imagine how you’d be in that situation. someone’s head in between your thighs — preferably his head.
“all quiet now.. have i made things awkward.” you pretended to wince.
“oh, no sorry i was just thinking… i kinda wanna know how to. like how to eat a girl out, it’d be good to have some experience i guess.” he confessed.
“uh huh…” you nodded slowly. “maybe…you can practice? on me.”
his eyes widened at your proposal. “you don’t think it would be a little weird?”
“no, im just gonna tell you what feels good and then we’ll both get what we want! given you make me cum, duh.” you laughed.
keep it cool. you thought.
“are you sure?” matt asked again, not wanting for this to be something you’d regret in the near future.
you nodded and that’s how you got to the position in which you were leaned against the headboard waiting for matt to take your underwear off.
“go ahead.” you reassured him as he toyed with your waistband.
“okay.” he whispered pulling your panties down slowly.
the suspense of the situation had you aroused. you were excited but at the same time nervous. you kept telling yourself, he’s your best friend, it’s okay. he won’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with.
your pussy and matt were face to face. he gulped a little intimated because he wanted to be good at it.
“sooo i just, go right in?” he asked pursing his lips.
“i guess so… maybe idk, foreplay? or wait is this considered foreplay?” you asked confused.
“i don’t- im not sure.” he said, unable to tear his eyes away from your center.
“okay, so maybe like use your fingers first?” you knew it was seconds away from being awkward.
as you were about to just say forget it you felt matt’s finger ghost over your leaky hole. he gathered some of your arousal and lathered it over your clit. he then continued to stimulate your clit. your legs bucked up at the sensation.
“am i doing okay?” he whispered, the only thing illuminating his face was the sunset lamp in the corner of your room.
“y-yeah.” you moaned slightly, as he continued to stimulate you. you looked down at him, his fluffy hair and his beautiful eyes. the sight alone had you wanting to just-
your thoughts couldn’t even complete because you felt matt’s hot tongue on you. you let out a deep breath as you leaned back and closed your eyes at the pleasure.
his tongue flicked over your clit as he looked up at you for reassurance that he was making you feel good. while matt was taking his time, his thoughts were elsewhere enjoying the way you tasted. in seconds he was devouring you, addicted to the way you tasted.
he licked a long stripe over your center pulling your thighs toward him. he sucked on your puffy clit. “r-right there. fuck—” your eyes tightly shut.
“you taste so fucking good…” matt muttered against you. he was consuming you. it was as if he lost all control in himself. he couldn’t get enough. “tell me how good i’m doing.”
you nodded quickly. “you’re doing s-so good.” you threaded your hands through his brunette hair. yes you had fantasized about this situation — not with matt specifically but this situation for sure.
matt’s ego boosted as a spurt of whimpers escaped you as he entered his middle finger in you. he pumped it in and out whilst continuing his previous work on your clit. he had been doing so good, you were on the verge of cumming.
matt could tell too — by the way your thighs were starting to close around his head and shake. he didn’t know how he had lived without the taste of you on his tongue. he didn’t ever want to stop. he wanted to do this everyday of his life.
you tried to blurt out the words but you struggled; sensitive to how fast he was flicking your clit. he looked up to see your struggle and grinned against you.
“go on, cum on my tongue. i wanna taste it.” he begged. matt needed to taste you. he enjoyed seeing you writhing underneath him. the way you were struggling to grapple onto reality.
you nodded finally feeling your body seize up as your orgasm washed over you like a big wave. you were tugging on matt’s hair trying to get him away from your sensitive pussy but your orgasm made him want to push you further.
you had begun to feel so sensitive you tried to push his head away as much as you could while whining. “f-fuck — sensitive matt.” you begged and he finally pulled away.
your chest was heaving up and down. you had started to slow your breathing and opened your eyes. matt with your shiny substance drooled and covering his mouth and chin. he had a smug grin on his face symbolizing he was definitely pleased with himself.
“please tell me you’ll let me do that again.” he licked his lips.
you took another deep breath and combed through his hair with your hand. “how could i not?”
© willowrites
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lowkeyerror · 5 months
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The Family Business Ch. 9
WandaNat x Reader
Word count: 2.5k
Ch.Notes: emotional turmoil, jealousy
Summary: After last night's events things only grow more complicated between Wanda, Natasha, and the reader.
An: So... I have blown through all of the pre-drafted parts I have for this and am now writing in real time the goal is to do post every monday but bare with me if I slip up.
Series Masterlist | Masterlist
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The smell of coffee is the first thing to enter your sense as you stir from your place in the bed. You can't move much as your legs are tangled with someone else’s. You can feel soft breaths tickling your face. Your brow creases, but you make no other movements.
There’s a slight shift in the bed, and that's when you begin to feel a finger dragging itself along your collarbone. It’s gentle as it draws patterns lightly tracing up your neck and jaw. A thumb ghosts over your lips, but you stay still.
“Even after this life has been so cruel to you, and you've grown this hard outer shell; your skin feels so soft. So pretty under my touch.”
You are fully awake, but something stops you from opening your eyes. Instead you scoot closer to the woman and pull her body closer to yours. Your arm flexes as you hold her in place.
“Enjoying the cuddling?” Natasha’s voice enters the room.
“She’s so peaceful like this, I don’t want to wake her,” Wanda shifts in your hold.
She maneuvers so that she's sitting up right in the bed. Your head falls into her lap, and her hands start running through your hair.
“We have to, I’ve heard from Pietro that people are already being made aware of the oil spill. They’re scrambling, he’s already at the office with Kate taking orders.”
You hear Wanda sigh, “This is nice, it almost feels domestic.”
Natasha laughs lightly, “Yes, having your wife bring you and your lover coffee, screams domestic.”
“She’s not my lover, Natasha,” Wanda’s voice sounds harsh.
It takes everything to keep your body from tensing as you listen into this conversation you aren't directly involved in.
“It’s a joke baby,” you can almost hear the smirk on the woman’s face.
“Jokes are supposed to be funny Natasha,” she deadpans.
“I agree there's nothing funny about you being in love with Y/n.”
You hear shuffling and then a quick thud as Wanda throws something at Natasha. By her exasperated sigh you can tell Natasha caught it.
“Can we save this discussion for… I don’t know, when Y/n isn’t laying in my lap,” Wanda says defensively.
“Fine, but the last thing I’m going to say is your taste in women is 10 out of 10,” Natasha chuckles.
“Fuck you,” Wanda can’t help but laugh as her wife exits the room.
Wanda refocus her attention back to you, “We have a big day ahead of us little krolik and unfortunately it starts now.”
She shakes you gently and calls your name a few times. You pretend to wake up. The sight of Wanda in the morning is something entirely ethereal. You can’t help but stare at the woman. Especially after what you heard this morning.
Your intense gaze makes the woman shift and clear her throat, “Natasha made coffee for us.”
You laugh a little, your voice groggy from sleep, “Sounds like a good thing to wake up too.”
“It can’t hurt, we have a busy day ahead of us,” she says getting out of the bed.
“Your bed is like 10 times more comfortable than mine,” you sink further into the mattress.
Natasha enters the room, “Glad to hear you slept well.”
There’s something grateful about the look you give the spy, “Thank you for that. Both of you.”
“The door is always open for you lisichka,” Natasha smiles warmly back.
With much reluctance you get out of the bed. Your feet shuffle across the bedroom floor and you scratch your head, suddenly becoming more aware of the fact that you aren’t in your home.
“I guess I should go get ready at my place,” you say stretching.
“We’ll meet you over there and head to work together, ok?”
You agree to these terms and make your way home. When you get there the composure that you usually carry yourself with slips.
The brief conversation that played out between the married couple echoed in the walls of your mind. It was a joke, that’s what Natasha said in the beginning. However after claiming Wanda was in love with you, it didn't sound like a joke anymore.
Wanda is a married woman. You know this and you’d feel confident in saying that the marriage is a happy one. Natasha is good for her, better than you could ever be. Wanda being in love with you wouldn’t make sense.
As you get ready for work it’s nearly all you can think about. Every moment where you hugged each other for too long, where her hand would find it’s way in yours, where the two of refused to break eye contact was now floating in your head.
It was hard not to romanticize it, you had feelings for Wanda since you were a teenager, and now you are being told she feels the same.
It's a heavy feeling that sits in your stomach. Every part of your being wishes it could be joy, but it’s sorrow and dread. The other accompanying thought with this revelation is, Natasha.
The woman was amazing in her own right. She deserves the same love, attention, and kindness that Wanda does. You refuse to be a home wrecker. Their love it’s organic, it’s feels true. It was enough for Wanda to bring home a wife, knowing her family wouldn’t approve. There wasn’t a reality where you’d let her throw that away.
Your thoughts don’t get to consume you any longer when the doorbell rings. You put on a face of determination as you leave your home with Wanda and Natasha.
Once you’re at the office everything seems more hectic than usual. The three of you are all whisked away in different directions, answering to the influx of calls.
The sheer volume of people you have on your line, startles you a bit as initially you thought this would be enhance the unlawful business practices, but it has also benefited the business used as a front.
This might’ve been a million dollar move. However, it truly wasn’t about the money. The supply for the family was endless. It was to regain control of the city and to assure them whether Dragos was in charge or not the Maximoff’s would be running this city.
The victory is bittersweet as thoughts of Dragos invade your mind. He should be here celebrating with you all yet he lay still in a hospital bed, using machines you couldn’t name to help him breathe. With Flora likely sitting there with him, tremendous sorrow on her shoulders and the wish that he would wake up so she could scold him.
There were bigger things to worry about aside from what you had heard this morning. The health of your father figure, the health of the business, preparing for a war, there was no room for your feelings right now and you accepted it.
“Alright, it’s time for you to go on break,” Kate knocks on your office door before allowing herself in.
“Too busy,” you mumble typing away at your computer.
“I brought you lunch, meaning you have to atop working to eat it,” Kate plops down a bag on your desk.
The smell fills your nose, making your mouth water and stomach growl. You sigh moving your keyboard out of the way to open the bag of food.
“Thanks Katie,” you say before munching on a french-fry.
“No problem, how are you holding up?”
You stretch a bit, “It’s been nonstop in both businesses. I’ve got to be careful not to mix them up as I write the orders. I’m a bit stressed, but I think this is a good stress.”
“And outside of work?”
Your face drops, “I’m barely holding on to be honest. Constantly worried about Dragos, but not just him; Flora, Wanda, Pietro, all of them. I feel so helpless, I haven’t felt this way since I was a child.”
“Y/n-”
“I feel like I’m failing, Kate. We’re fighting against a war, but it’s inevitable at this point. There’s no way Kingpin is going to take this lying down. We can’t afford to lose, but I don’t think any of us are prepared to fight.”
Kate takes your hand in hers causing you to gaze into her eyes. There’s a fire there, one that you forgotten lived inside the assistant.
“Y/n, whatever happens this family will not fall. Others might have alliances, weapons, and political power, but what every single one of them lacks is loyalty. We have people on the outside switch sides, but everyone in this building is here for the long haul. We stand by each other no matter how hard it gets. Maybe you’re right, we’re not prepared for a war right now, but we will be. You aren’t alone in this Y/n, you have a family… thee family backing you.”
She’s right and you know it. It’s a hard a reality to swallow in the sense that with or with Dragos the Maximoff’s don’t have a choice but to win. They will win, but what will be lost on the way to victory. The longer you’re in the position you understand what they mean when they say heavy is the head that wears the crown.
“Something else is bothering you. I can tell,” Kate’s voice is soft when she speaks, snapping you from your thoughts.
You can feel the tip of your ears heat at her question, but you try to play it safe, “It isn’t important and I don’t think it will ever be. We have bigger things to worry about.”
Kate rolls her eyes at you, “You’re right about having bigger things to worry about. Things that you are clearly being distracted from by what’s on your mind. So as your best friend it’s my job to sit here and press you for answers until you tell me.”
It's your turn to roll your eyes, “Can we just drop this, my food is getting cold?”
“There’s a microwave somewhere in this building,” Kate took a seat at the edge of your desk, her hand still in yours.
“You aren't going to let this go are you?”
She shakes her head a little, “Nope.”
You take your free hand and place it over your face, “I heard Natasha say that Wanda is in love with me.”
“Oh my god. Y/n that’s- what’re you going to do?”
“Nothing, I’m not going to do anything.”
Kate’s eyes widen, “Why would she say that? Did she sound mad? How did you hear this? What if she is in love with you? How would you-”
“Enough!” You raise you voice at the girl and she stops.
“Sorry, but this is crazy.”
You sigh, “I know.”
“Do you love her?”
Your eye hit the floor immediately, “I’ve had a crush on Wanda for as long as I can remember. She’s seen me at my lowest, but found value in me nonetheless. Even after all these years she just makes me feel safe and I would do anything for her.”
“But…”
“But she's married to one of the most intriguing women that I've ever met. Someone I know who feels like I do. Someone who takes good care of her and can be there for her in ways that I can’t. They’re the perfect couple. They both truly deserve each other and I refuse to put myself between them.”
It is fully intended to sound strong, but by the end of it you can feel your eyes start to water. You do your best to hold it in but tears start to fall.
“Fuck,” you attempt to cover your face but Kate just pulls you to her by your office chair.
Her hands rests on your face wiping at the tears. You lean into her touch as she begins to rub your back.
“It’s alright, you’re alright,” Kate speak gently.
There’s a soft knock on your office door that gets you to straighten up. The walls are glass so you’re aware that they could see what was transpiring.
“Is everything ok in here?” Natasha let’s herself in, knowing the answer to her question.
You look to Kate, who then looks to Natasha, “Do you want to take over?”
Natasha gives a curt nod. You watch Kate walk out of the office closing the curtains on the way out so no one could see inside. She tells you to call her at the end of your day and you make a mental note to do so.
“Lisichka, talk to me,” she takes Kates previous position. She reaches to wipe the tears from your eyes, but you flinch away.
“I’m fine,” your voice dies as you speak.
“I think we both know that’s not true.”
You glare at her, but then your eyes soften, “I’m just overwhelmed Nat.”
“Maybe it's your turn to go home early n" she suggest.
“I have to stop by the hospital before I go home.”
Natasha hesitates, “I don't think you're in the right space to be there.”
“Someone has to go check on Flora and Dragos,” you stand firm.
“Wanda and I will go,” Natasha says.
You debate for a second on telling Natasha what you heard. You wonder how she would react. However you could never do that to her , not like when she’s looking at you like this. This is the second time in 24 hours that Natasha has been there for you in a time of need.
“Lisichka?”
“I- I’ll see if Kate can take me home,” you abruptly stand from your desk.
You don’t get far before Natasha is wrapping you up in her arms. You melt in her hold, she smells good, her arms are strong. She kisses the top of your head.
“Let me know when you’re home safe, ok? We’ve got everything under control here.”
You nod before heading off in the direction of Kate’s office. When you get to her door she’s on call and you debate leaving, but when she sees you she ends the call.
“Y/n-"
“Can you take me home, please. I know I could ask Clint, but I just-”
Kate cuts you off, “Of course, let’s go.”
You stay close to Kate as you leave the office. Unbeknownst to you, Wanda watches the two of you exit. She heads to your office to find her wife in your chair.
“What happened to Y/n?”
Natasha sighs, “I don't know she wouldn't tell me. I saw Kate sitting on the desk and wiping her tears away so I stepped in. She said she was overwhelmed, but there had to be more to it. I told her to go home.”
“I just saw her leaving with Kate,” Wanda adds.
“She said she’d ask Kate to take her,” Natasha explains.
“I could've taken her,” Wanda says with worry in her voice.
Natasha shakes her head, “You have a business to run and I promised Y/n we’d stop by the hospital after work.”
“I wish she would’ve seen me before she left,” Wanda’s upset, but she contains it well.
“Jealous of Kate?” Natasha tries to tease, but there’s something in her tone that Wanda detects.
“Are you jealous of Kate?” Wanda throws the question back at her wife.
Natasha gaze lingers on her hands, “What if I was?”
Wanda carefully straddles Natasha’ lap in the work chair. She buries her head into the crook of Natasha’s neck before mumbling into the soft skin.
“Then we’d both be jealous.”
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Taglist: @natashaswife4125 @autorasexy @alexawynters @blkmxrvel @toouncreativeforausername @likemick @sgm616 @bstvst @dorabledewdroop @sapphic-simp4015 @natty-taffy @justarandomreaderxoxo @mmmmokdok @tarathia @bgwlsmahf25
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hsunrry · 6 days
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wedding // one shot harry styles
harry styles x fem!reader
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summary: based on this request.
words: ~3,5k
warnings: smut18+, cheating, angst (i guess), mention of being hit, fingering, oral (f receiving), protected sex
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“ready to see me?” you asked excited from behind the bathroom doors that was built in your room. tomorrow is your wedding and you wanted to show your best friend Harry how you look like in the dress.
“go ahead.” he called. when you walked out from the bathroom and stepped to the room he swallowed thickly. “you’re…” he cleared his throat. “i mean you look beautiful, really.”
“thank you.” you only smiled. he was sitting at the bed you were sharing with Denis- your future husband. situation was difficult. you loved him, of course. but there was a person you loved more, unfortunately. you didn’t really wanted that marriage, but your mother was pushing it so hard it was almost painful to hear all the time, so you decided to just give in and do it for your own sake, since you never even thought that your feelings could be reciprocated. little did you knew- you were the love of his life. you thought the same, you were sure he was the love of your life. but instead of getting married with him, he was looking at you in wedding dress, ready to marry someone else. it was painful, for the both of you. he was looking at you from the bed, like you were the most beautiful woman in the world. because for him- you were. he let out shaky breath.
“can i tell you something?” his eyes roamed over your body in this dress one more time. you nodded, sitting next to him. “this gonna sound crazy, god, i don’t even know why am i doing that.” he chuckled nervously.
“come on, i heard a lot crazy stuff coming out of your mouth.” you smiled, looking at his nervous expression.
“i’m in love with you.” he looked at you and you thought that you’re gonna throw up.
“wait, what?” you spoke after few seconds, blinking few times. he nodded slightly.
“yes i… i know you’re getting married tomorrow and that it’s probably the worst time i could tell you this, but i want you to know before i lost you for good.” he confessed. his leg nervously bouncing up and down. you were only looking at him with shocked expression.
“why are you telling me this now? i’m getting married tomorrow Harry.” you shook your head.
“because i know that if i didn’t say something, i’d have to watch you with some other guy for the rest of my life. i can’t keep pretending that you’re not the love of my life, because you are.” he said, feeling already that it was too late for that. he swallowed, looking at you. “i just… please, i just need to hear that you don’t feel the same and i’ll try to move on. i need to hear that.” he looked at you desperately.
“i can’t say it.” you said quietly and you could see hope in his eyes. you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “this it’s so complicated, god, why didn’t you said anything earlier?”
“i was afraid that you don’t feel the same.” he grabbed your hand in his, squeezing it gently. “do you feel the same?” you only nodded. “so why did you decided to marry him?”
“it’s just… i never thought you could feel the same about me. ever. i said ‘yes’ to him, mostly for my mother. she was pushing it so hard.” you explained. he wasn’t looking at you, but at your hand in his.
“please, don’t marry him… you could be mine. all mine.” he looked at you again. “i love you, i’ll do it for the rest of my life, i’ll treat you better than he treats you. you’re the love of my life, y/n.” desperation in his voice was almost killing you. the way he was looking at you. you could see the love in his eyes, it was so different from what Denis was doing. you knew he’d treat you better. but most importantly, that you loved him more than you could ever love Denis. in very different way. “please, don’t marry him.”
“this is crazy, you know that?” your eyes lingering at your intertwined hands. he chuckled lowly, bringing your hand to his mouth, kissing it.
“i know, but maybe we’re just crazy for each other.” he smiled, giving your knuckles another lingering kiss. you bite inside of your cheek, thinking. he was hopeful, that you’ll choose him. “please, don’t do that. spend your life with me, i promise i’ll make you happier than he ever could. i’ll give you everything and i know, that you know i’ll do that. you know me like no one else.”
“jesus, this is so complicated now.” you sigh, looking at him.
“i know and i’m sorry. i should’ve say something sooner, but i was too scared, so i’m telling you this now.” he shifted his body closer to you, cupping your cheek with one hand. “please, tell me you want me. say you don’t want to marry him. that you’ll be mine.”
“Harry…” you licked your lips slightly, looking at him this whole time. you swallowed quietly.
“say it, baby. say that you’ll be mine.” he watched your tongue slowly licking your lips. he started to caress your cheek with his thumb, leaning closer with his face to yours.
“fuck it.” you gasped, pressing your lips to his. he groaned when he felt the contact, immediately kissing you back. your lips moving slowly, feeling perfectly against each other. he pulled you into his lap, cupping your cheek back right after. his tongue begging for entrance to your mouth when he licked your lower lip. his free hand going up and down your waist slowly. you both moaned quietly when your tongues met, his hand went from your waist to your thigh, touching you over the material of the dress. “take this thing off me, i don’t need it anymore.” you said between kisses. he pulled back from the kiss, looking into your eyes.
“are you sure?” he was searching in your eyes for hesitation, anything really. but when you nodded he smiled. “i can’t wait to take this off you then. i want to mark you, to show everyone that you’re mine.”
“baby, are you in there?” you could hear knock on the bedroom door and Denis’s voice right after. you both froze. you looked at him.
“i have to tell him that it’s over.” you bite inside your cheek. he nodded, giving you quick peck on the lips. you stood up from his lap, going to the doors and unlocking it. you opened them, seeing how he quickly covered his eyes with his hand.
“what are you doing? i’m not supposed to see you in the dress before our wedding.” he chuckled. you swallowed quietly.
“we need to talk.” you said, looking at Harry for brief second.
“sure sweetie, but change first, it means bad luck if i see you and i don’t need bad luck in our marriage.” he smiled, still covering his eyes with his hand.
“Denis, i’m not gonna marry you tomorrow.” you sigh, looking at his reaction. he uncovered his eyes, looking at you concerned.
“w-what? i don’t understand… what are you talking about?” he chuckled nervously.
“i can’t be with you.” you swallowed quietly.
“what are you saying? i thought you love me, we’re engaged for months!” his eyes narrowed, he finally noticed Harry sitting on the bed, but he didn’t said anything just yet. his eyes went back to yours.
“i’m really sorry Denis, i didn’t planned that…” you took off your engagement ring, handing it to him. he grabbed it, looking down at it in his hand.
“are you seriously doing this? you’re telling me that you’re breaking our engagement the night before our wedding? is this some kind of prank or something?” he asked, looking at you like you just escaped mental hospital. you only shook your head. “how long have you been feeling like this? you said you love me, you agreed to spend the rest of your life with me! how can you be so heartless telling me this when we’re supposed to get married tomorrow?!” he snapped.
“i’m really sorry.” you almost whispered.
“so that’s it? we’re officially over? what am i supposed to tell our friends and family? it’ll break your mothers heart, you know that?” he was mad. his hand clenched on the engagement ring.
“i don’t care what my mother will say about that, i’ll handle it.” you saw him looking into Harry’s direction.
“is this because of him?” he looked back at you.
“it doesn’t matter.” he scoffed at your words, lingering his gaze at him.
“it doesn’t matter? you’re dumping me for your best friend and you’re telling me it doesn’t matter? we were together for over two years! all my friends knew i was going to marry you, my parents were so happy that we’re finally taking this step! you can’t just throw it away like that!” he yelled, causing your flinch.
“i love him.” you whispered, looking up at his face. his eyes went back to your face.
“for how long have you been sneaking around with him behind my back?” he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. he was supposed to marry you tomorrow, but there you were, confessing that you love someone else.
“i never cheated on you, it’s not like that. i wouldn’t take it that far if i knew earlier that he love me too.” you pinched your hand nervously few times. his gaze softening.
“please baby, you have to be joking. this is a joke, right? please don’t tell me you’re actually in love with someone else…” he was desperate, looking at you pleadingly. you only shook your head saying quiet ‘sorry’. he sigh deeply. “you were always saying that you love me. that you want that, that you want us. now, you’re telling me that you just… fallen out of love with me?… just like that?” his eyes were just simply sad. the way he was saying all of that was too much.
“you deserve the truth, so i’ll tell you.” you started, looking for brief second at Harry. your eyes went back on Denis when you continued. “i’d never thought, that Harry could ever feel the same way about me. it sounds cruel, but he’s the love of my life. not you Denis. i’m sorry.”
“so what?” he clenched his jaw, anger building in him at Harry’s name. “you think you’ll just live happily ever after with him? you think he’ll treat you better than i would?”
“you really wanna talk about treating me better?” your eyebrows raised in disbelief. his face went pale.
“i- i’ve treated you great, no? i’ve given you everything… money, stability, love, home-“
“some bruises and cuts sometimes too, but you weren’t planning to say this out loud, hm?” when you said that, Harry’s brows furrowed. his hands clenched on his sides.
“i didn’t mean to hurt you, babe. i’m sorry, i’ll change, i promise.” his voice cracked softly when he was talking. “i’ll be better, i promise, just give me one more chance.” he grabbed your hand with his.
“i love Harry, you can’t change that.” you looked at him going on his knees. “i’m sorry it all happened like that.” he looked pathetic. his eyes were wide, his skin ashen. he looked like his entire life was burning with your words. maybe because in fact, it was like that. he knew it was over. he wanted to beg, he was ready to do everything, but when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. it was like realization hit him. he let out shaky sigh, going up from his knees, but still holding your hand in his.
„what do you want me to do now?” he asked, without any emotions in his voice.
„you have to let me go.” you answered quietly.
„you’re killing me baby…” he chuckled in disbelief. „you’ll… you’ll be happy with him? you’ll be treated better?” you nodded at his words. „you deserve that. you deserve to be treated better than i treated you.” his eyes lingering on your face and then your body. „you never looked more beautiful than in that dress.” he smiled weakly.
„i hope you’ll find someone for you.” you smiled softly.
“yeah…” he mumbled. “it was supposed to be you, you know? i always dreamed of marrying you, growing old with you… having family with you.” he swallowed thickly.
“i know Denis, i’m sorry.” you said quietly, looking at your hand in his. mention of family brought a new sort of hurt in his eyes.
“i always thought we’ll be great parents together. i just knew you’d look amazing with baby bump.” his smile weak and full of pain.
“stop saying things like this. you’re only hurting yourself more by saying that.” you pulled your hand away from his. he froze at sudden lack of contact. it was like he couldn’t accept that you’re not his anymore. that he won’t be able to touch you, hold you, kiss you.
“before i leave, can i ask you something?” you smiled softly and nodded. “if i hadn’t done anything wrong, if i had never laid my hands on you, would we… would we still be together now?
“i don’t know that.” you shook your head slightly. he accepted your words, looking at Harry now.
“i hate you, you know that?” he said firmly.
“yeah? you can hate me all you want. i never liked you a bit and now that i know you laid your hands on her, you better be grateful that you’re still alive.” Harry smiled rudely at him.
“you have no idea how much i just want to punch you right now. for taking everything i ever dreamed of away from me. for stealing the love of my life.” he looked like he was about to jump on him every second. you speak up to avoid the situation.
“it’ll be better if you just go now.” Denis looked at you, his face softening. he only sigh quietly and nodded.
“i’ll go to my parents for tonight.” he swallowed. “i hope you’ll be happy, you deserve it. goodbye, my love.” he almost whispered, going out from the bedroom. few seconds later you heard front door closing.
“you okay, baby?” Harry wrapped his hands around you, pulling you close to his chest. he kissed the top of your head.
“yes, i… i should feel bad about this, right?” you pressed your cheek to his chest. “it’s cruel that i feel happy.”
“there’s no need to feel bad. you’re allowed to feel happy now, maybe it is cruel, but… it’s how life works. you can’t force yourself to be with someone who you don’t want to be. everything’s fine.” he caressed your hair, holding you close. he smiled. “he was right about something tho, you really look beautiful in that dress.” you looked up at him with a smile. he leaned down, kissing your lips softly. “i can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.” he smirked right after his words. “but for now, i can’t wait to spend this night with you.”
“yeah? then take this dress off me.” you licked your lips slightly, smiling at him this whole time. his hands immediately went to your back, where the zipper was. he slowly started pulling it down. wedding dress pooled around your ankles, exposing your body. he looked at while laced set, his eyes darkened.
“you’re so impossibly beautiful.” he touched lace of your bra over your breast. his touch gentle. his hands continued to moving around your body, when in meantime you started to unbutton his shirt. you were looking up at him this whole time. you pushed shirt off his shoulders, touching his chest right after. he let out shaky exhale, squeezing skin on your waist. your hands went down to get rid of his pants. he pressed his lips to yours right after you took them off, backing you both towards the bed. he sat on it, making you stand between his legs. he left lingering kiss on your stomach, looking up at you in this position. his hands went to the clasp of your bra, undoing it. he let out quiet groan when he looked at you only in panties. “god, how can someone look this perfect.” he gasped, leaving kisses all over your chest, sucking in few places. his hand went to cup one of your breasts, teasing your nipple with his thumb. he took care of the other one with his lips, licking and sucking gently. you moaned quietly, putting your hand into the back of his hair. his free hand went to touch your core over your panties that were already drenched. you never felt like this in your entire life- it was almost like he was worshipping you. “can we take this off?” he grabbed edges of your panties.
“yes.” you smiled at him. he quickly took them off, his dick twitching in anticipation in his boxers. he stood up from bed, picking you up and laying down on bed. before he hovered above you he took off his boxers, freeing himself from tight material. his kisses started on your neck, going down to your collarbones, chest, stomach, when finally his lips hovered over your core. he looked at you, silently asking if it’s okay. when you smiled at him he opened your legs more to have better access. he started kissing your folds, causing your gasp. when his lips met your clit you arched your back slightly, moaning. he smiled against your pussy, licking and sucking slowly on your sensitive place. his hand went under his chin, pushing his two fingers into your wet slit. you clenched at his digits automatically at the contact. you putted your hand into his hair for some more contact, hearing him moaning into you at that. action sent vibrations, adding to the sensation. his fingers curled into perfect angle, making you go insane from this and his mouth. you’d never thought that it all could feel that good. “oh my god.” you only managed to gasp. he was moving slowly, clearly wanting to prepare you for his cock. he eventually pulled out after few minutes, licking his fingers clean. he went back with his lips to yours, kissing you. you could taste yourself on his tongue, so you hummed quietly. when you break the kiss you smiled at him. “top drawer.” you said and he looked from you to the bedside table. he opened the drawer, taking a condom from it. he quickly opened it and rolled it on his length. he positioned himself between your legs, pressing his tip against your entrance.
“i love you.” he smiled, pressing soft kiss on your mouth.
“i love you too.” you smiled back, feeling him slowly entering you. his eyes searching for any discomfort, but when he found none he started slowly moving in and out.
“god, you feel so good, so perfect.” he gasped, leaning to your neck and kissing it. your hands went on his back and your legs around his hips. he wrapped his arms around you to feel you as close as possible. his breath was hot against your skin. your gasps and moans were driving him crazy. he picked up the pace when your nails started digging into his skin slightly. “i want to make you feel so good.”
“you’re already doing it.” you caressed his back with one hand. when he adjusted slightly you found yourself almost crying out of pleasure, when he found spot Denis was never able to reach. you let out desperate whine and he started moving even faster. he couldn’t hold back anymore. the way you were moving under him, the way you sounded. your back arched towards him, making you both even more skin to skin. his arms tightened around you and you could already feel your orgasm approaching. “oh my fucking god.” you panted, tilting your head back.
“look at me.” he gasped, looking at your face. “i want to see your eyes.” you quickly obeyed, looking at him. he grinned, moving even faster. his movements desperate already, chasing his own climax. “i don’t know how long i can hold that, you feel too good.”
“i’m close, so close, please.” your one hand went from his back to cup his cheek. he licked his lips, moving faster. you kissed him, moaning loudly into his mouth when you finally fell over the edge. your whole body arched and your core clenching around him, milking his length. he moaned himself at the feeling of you squeezing your cunt around him. he fucked you through your orgasm.
“fuck.” he panted, feeling himself emptying into the condom. his dick pulsating inside you, his hips twitching from intense pleasure. after you both get down from high he peppered your face with kisses, making you chuckle softly. last peck lingered on your lips and when he pulled out he looked into your eyes. “you’re truly the love of my life, baby.”
191 notes · View notes
em-ontv · 1 month
Note
may i request for more soldier boy please? <3
Of course you may, I was waiting to write another piece about him. I love these little asks because it helps motivate me. Hope you like this, anon! <3
Damsel in distress.
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Pairing: Soldier Boy x lover!fem!reader (who's a member of Payback)
Summary: when you received a call for help, you immediately got into action, only to find out that the person on the other side isn't exactly a stranger...
Warnings: cursing/profanities, no use of y/n, Ben being a drama queen, time taking place around the mid 1900s (I know they didn't have flip phones at that time but just pretend Vought had some high tech-y stuff), English isn't my first language, mistakes should be present, apologies beforehand :)
Word count: 776
———————————————————————————
Your flip phone rang in the middle of a half-baked briefing session with Crimson Countess and Mindstorm, the two of them squabbling while your mind wandered off. You were half listening, but it was mostly white noise, nodding from time to time to give them the idea that you actually gave a fuck.
When the phone rang in your pocket, you were more than ready for the distraction.
"Got a call. Gotta take it," you said, stepping out before either of them could ask for details.
"Hello?"
"Help— fuck, I need help!" The voice on the other end was frantic, strained.
"Calm down. Where are you?" you cut them off, your heart pounding in your chest. The voice was familiar but you didn't think too much of it, not when the man seemed to be in so much distress.
"Help... please, you gotta come. I'm— I'm trapped, and I don't know how much longer I can—”
The phone crackled with static, and you could barely hear the voice on the other side anymore.
"It's— shit, just get here! I'm at the old warehouse on 5th… please."
The call ended abruptly. Just like that. The line went dead before you could get another word out. No further instructions. Nothing. Your jaw tensed, stuffing the phone back into your pocket. Probably some dumbass who got themselves caught up with the wrong people. But, honestly? You cursed yourself for having that itch that dragged you into this kind of shit.
You knew it was stupid to go charging in without more intel, but something in that voice had triggered your instincts. It had the kind of urgency that couldn't be faked. So, you grabbed your gear and headed out without a second thought.
When you arrived at the warehouse, the place was dark and reeked of mold. The air was thick with tension, your senses on high alert as you moved through the shadows, your weapon drawn.
Then you heard it — a low groan, coming from somewhere ahead. You tightened your grip on your weapon, pushing forward until you reached a large, open space. And there he was, crumpled on the floor like a discarded doll, Soldier Boy. Ben.
The one and only.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" you snapped, lowering your weapon as anger and disbelief spread across your face.
You nearly rolled your eyes so hard you saw the back of your skull. Of course it was him. Who else would be dumb enough to pull this kind of stunt?
"Fuck... you made it," he was sprawled out, one hand clutching his side, his face twisted in what you might have believed was ‘pain’ if you didn't know him better. "Took you long enough."
There wasn't a single scratch on him. No signs of a struggle, no bodies, not even a broken bottle in sight.
"You're the one who called? You had me thinking someone was in real danger, you asshole." you kneeled down beside him.
Ben coughed, trying to gain some of your pity until a knowing smirk inevitably made its way onto his lips. "You couldn't resist, huh? You always were a sucker for a damsel in distress."
You stared at him, deadpan. "You're about as much of a damsel as I am a fucking knight in shining armor."
He let out a theatrical groan again, like it was some big effort to sit up, and you resisted the urge to kick him while he was down. Then, he pouted, actually fucking pouted.
"You do that again and I'll put you out of your misery for good." you pointed a finger at him. You were pissed — more at yourself for falling for it, even for a second. But Ben? He was having the time of his life.
"Aw, come on, can't you just play along for once? It was a good fucking plan." he grabbed your hand and pressed it against the side of his face, flashing you a shit-eating grin.
You stayed silent, shaking your head in pure disbelief. You stood up and so did he, getting to his feet with the ease of someone who hadn't just played dead a minute ago.
"I missed you." Ben added after sensing your silence. "You’ve been so busy last month I've barely seen you."
"Yeah, well, don't pull shit like this again just because you're feeling needy."
"Needy?"
"You heard me." you exasperated.
"I just wanted to see you in action, get the blood pumping." his hand went to the small of your back and pulled you closer, lips pressing kisses along your jaw.
"Next time," you sighed. "Just fucking ask."
"Yeah, yeah. Love you too."
173 notes · View notes
Prompts I’ve seen/found online that I have used an inspiration for many things, but mainly DP X DC stuff.
There’s 200 prompts/quotes in there
1. They match each other’s freak to a degree that is dangerous to the public.
2. People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.
3. “I have a solution.”
“Thank goodness.”
“It involves fire.”
“Absolutely not.”
4. Why are you hiding behind me? What did you do?
5. We can’t have a crisis - my schedule is already full!
6. “What’s our exit strategy?”
“Our what?”
“We’re all going to die.”
7. That is a terrible, horrible, incredibly foolish idea. Let’s do it and see what happens.
8. “This coffee tastes weird.”
“That’s probably because it’s not coffee.”
9. “Can I bother you for a second?”
“You always bother me, but go ahead.”
10. “Are you mad?”
“No.”
“So sharpening knives at 2am is just a hobby?”
11. I’m going to give my inner child a gun.
12. Your inability to learn complicated handshakes is tearing this gang apart.
13. I get so affectionate when I’m sleepy it’s disgusting.
14. Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of the night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
15. No offence to myself or anything but what the fuck am I doing.
16. I would love to be mysterious but I never shut the fuck up.
17. The divorce rate amongst my socks is astonishing.
18. Adulthood is a scam I want to be a crow.
19. Good morning! God has let me live another day and I’m about to make it everybody’s problem.
20. My house is haunted because I live there.
21. That’s my emotional support entity of questionable moral standing.
22. God released me into the wild and now he’s hunting me for sport.
23. No, no you don’t want to get to know me, I’m better as a concept.
24. I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.
25. Do birds every just fly for fun or are they always on some kind of mission?
26. The older I get the more I understand why roosters scream to start their day.
27. ‘You’ll understand when you’re older.’ I am older and I understand absolutely nothing.
28. Source? It was revealed to me in a delusion.
29. Why do drugs after 30 when you can just stand up too fast?
30. I won’t ever be the bigger person in an argument. God made me 5’ for a reason.
31. This meeting could have been a fist fight.
32. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m never going to have a midlife crisis because my entire fucking life is a crisis.
33. Anyone fancy going off the fucking rails with me I’ve had enough.
34. Go ahead and get in the pond since you wanna act like a silly goose.
35. My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes.
36. Who the fuck decided to call it ‘emotional baggage’ and not ‘griefcase?’
37. I don’t have a nervous system. I am a nervous system.
38. “What makes us human?”
“Selecting all of the images with traffic lights.”
39. Don’t let anyone else ruin your day. It’s your day. Ruin it yourself.
40. The sixth love language is combat.
41. “I just told you 2 minutes ago.”
“I do not control the remember.”
42. Due to not wanting to. I will not be.
43. My flabbers be gasted daily.
44. “Are you seeing anyone?”
“Like a hallucination, a therapist, or a person?”
45. “You’re the most ridiculous person I’ve ever met.”
“Thank you I try my best.”
46. I tried to embrace my inner child today and the little asshole bit me.
47. I think my dark under eye circles are adding to the aesthetic actually.
48. Being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot.
49. Next time I’m opening up to someone will be at my autopsy.
50. Too many songs about love. Not enough song about sword fights.
51. “You’re cute.”
“I’m feral and chaotic, don’t touch me.”
52. I’m not as unhinged as I could be and I want everyone to be great full for that.
53. How dare you know stuff about things.
54. “I have a plan.”
“Is it a good one?”
“I have a plan.”
55. “Are you decent?”
“Not morally, but I’m wearing pants if that’s what you’re asking.”
56. I may have the right to remain silent but I do not have the ability.
57. I don’t want to look ‘pretty.’ I want to look otherworldly and vaguely threatening.
58. If you ever feel safe please remember that I’m out there.
59. “I’m too good for revenge.”
“Well I’m not. Give me the gun.”
60. “You know I really feel like we aren’t seeing eye to eye.
“It’s because you’re taller than me asshole.”
61. “They rely on you.”
“I can’t be blamed for their lack of judgment..”
62. Well, aren’t you a little Ray of pitch black.
63. I can get behind murder but I draw the line at misogyny.
64. In my defence your honour, I simply do not vibe with the law.
65. Life is a tornado and I’m just the cow being spun around for cinematic value.
66. You can burn all the sage you want, I’ll be back.
67. I believe in holding grudges. I’ll heal in hell.
68. You know…they make medication for the way you act.
69. I like men with massive, throbbing vocabularies.
70. My swear jar could finance the fucking space program.
71. “Well if you want my opinion-”
“I don’t. I have my own.”
72. I’m awake but not operational.
73. Due to personal reasons I’ll be going back to sleep.
74. The bags under my eyes are Prada.
75. I identify as a threat. My pronouns are try/me.
76. Audacity must be on sale this year…
77. “Have you ever been handcuffed?”
“Sexually or by law enforcement?”
78. I don’t like salad or eye contact.
79. “Come here.”
“Why?”
“Just come here.”
“No you’re gonna hit me!”
80. “I didn’t catch your name.”
“I didn’t throw it.”
81. I have to keep reminding myself that I am an adult and will be charged as one.
82. Apparently ‘spite’ is not an appropriate answer to ‘what motives you?’
83. There is a fine line between my crazy and my intelligence. I use that line like a jump rope.
84. I don’t know where you got your opinion but I hope you kept the receipt.
85. Sometimes when I close my eyes…I can’t see.
86. Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?
87. Some days the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
88. I’m running out of reasons to not stab you.
89. When I said ‘how stupid can you be?’ It wasn’t a challenge.
90. Love at first sight? Tired, boring. Love at first assassination attempt? Spicy.
91. I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barley take suggestions.
92. And that’s a wrap on another day where I acted like I knew what I was doing.
93. Now if you’ll excuse me…tonight’s bad decision isn’t going to make itself.
94. I take super hot showers to practice burning in hell.
95. I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
96. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parent’s job.
97. Being an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.
98. If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.
99. My spirit animal would fucking eat yours.
100. Some people will only like you if you fit inside their box. Don’t be afraid to shove that box up their ass.
101. I wonder if people look both ways before getting on my fucking nerves.
102. If I was a bird, I know who I’d shit on.
103. Giving a fuck doesn’t really go with my outfit.
104. I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
105. Life is full of disappointments and I just added you to the list.
106. And then I decided to take a detour to deliver an ass beating.
107. I wanna contribute to the chaos.
108. I’m gay and also stronger than all of you. So don’t try any shit.
109. With all due respect, which is none
110. What, pray tell, the fuck?
111. My arson charges don’t define me.
112. Those are bold words for someone in stabbing range.
113. I don’t understand your specific kind of crazy but I do admire your total commitment to it.
114. I am not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
115. I don’t want to heal my inner child I want them to get revenge.
116. In order to insult me I must first value your opinion. Nice try though.
117. There’s someone for everyone and the person for you is a psychiatrist.
118. Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you’ll find a brain back there.
119. I think my guardian angel drinks.
120. In my defence, I was left unsupervised.
121. I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.
122. If you figure me out I want an explanation.
123. I don’t think I meet the height requirements to ride your emotional roller coaster.
124. When killing them with kindness doesn’t work, try voodoo.
125. Another fine day ruined by responsibility.
126. You call them swear words. I call them sentence enhancers.
127. Stop petting my peeves.
128. What a year this week has been.
129. Don’t follow me I don’t know where I’m going.
130. Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am awake.
131. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
132. Please don’t interrupt me while I’m ignoring you.
133. Everyone has the right to be stupid but you’re abusing the privilege.
134. I just know I will die trying to pet something I shouldn’t.
135. At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I’d just go.
136. I told him to take care of his eyes because they’re the only balls he has.
137. The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.
138. My last words will probably be sarcastic.
139. We don’t have time to unpack all that.
140. I may have committed light treason.
141. How is ‘pretty boy’ supposed to be an insult? I’m the prettiest goddamn boy in this town.
142. I’m not interested in being polite or heterosexual.
143. “Based on statistical evidence, I’m immortal.”
“How so?”
“Haven’t died yet.”
144. I’m just here to establish an alibi.
145. Take the day off from being the bigger person and choose violence, you deserve it.
146. Forgive and forget? I’m neither Jesus nor do I have alzheimers.
147. People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience to not kill them.
148. “I can see your bra.”
“Fucking good it was expensive.”
149. Sir, that’s my emotional support knife collection.
150. My idea of ‘help from above’ is a sniper on the roof.
151. “We’re surrounded!”
“Excellent, we can attack in any direction!
152. Lord give me patience or an untractable handgun.
153. Step back! I’m a professional idiot!
154. “Trust your gut.”
“I have anxiety. My gut is always telling me to abort mission.”
155. Keep your morals away from me.
156. Your existence gives me a headache go stand over there.
157. What, from the bottom of my heart, the fuck?
158. My heart is not a home for cowards.
159. Underestimate me so I can embarrass you.
160. “It’ll be easy. You just have to seduce them.”
“You’re kidding, right? I’m about as seductive as a cabbage.”
161. You’ve got heart, kid. Several hearts. Honestly, I’m a little scared of you.
162. It takes a very special kind of idiot to pull off what you just did.
163. I’m no doctor - but I think he’s dead.
164. I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.
165. “What brings you here?”
“A continuum of terrible choices.”
“You’d be surprised to know how often people say that.”
166. “I thought we agreed to tell each other when we were bleeding internally.”
“That’s a very specific promise I don’t remember making.”
167. “Did you really google how to flirt with a girl?”
“What? How’d you know that?”
“You do realise there’s a search history?”
168. “I’m gonna…”
“If you kick down the door, I swear…”
“I’M GONNA PUNCH IT WITH MY FOOT!”
169. “Is it still murder if I give them a heads up?”
“That’s a threat.”
“Damn.”
170. Surprise! I’m back from the dead! Isn’t that exciting?
171. Don’t mind me, I’ll just be in the corner, having another existential crisis.
172. I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
173. You’re important to me you piece of shit.
174. “Why are your hands purple?”
“That’s a very good question.”
175. Can someone turn off the sun please?
176. “I had a thought.”
“Oh no.”
“I swear it’s a good one this time!”
177. I’ve met bread smarter than you.
178. “Please stop getting shot, it stresses me out.”
“Oh, well if YOU don’t like it.”
179. Dude, we are not asking the dragon for directions.
180. You’ve got as much charm as a dead slug.
181. For you, I could steal the stars - but I can also get them through legitimate means, if that impresses you more.
182. I am under no obligation to make sense to you.
183. You smile like an idiot when you’re talking to them.
184. Don’t you sign to me in that tone.
185. Excuse me. I have to go make a scene.
186. “Shut up.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Don’t care. Shut up.”
187. Now that I made it weird, I’m going to make my exit.
188. So uh, I noticed you’re kinda naked. Is that intentional or…?
189. “Do you trust me?”
“No.”
“Smart man.”
190. Well, if you’d woken up properly the first time I kicked you, I wouldn’t have had to do it four more times.
191. “I have NEVER been so insulted.”
“You don’t listen much, do you?”
192. “Don’t you know who I am?”
“Yup. I just don’t care.”
193. I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into. I just thought it would be amusing.
194. I would tell you to be yourself but that almost got us killed last time.
195. “Why aren’t you worshipping me, mortal?”
“Not interested. Thanks.”
196. “I’d rather be dead.”
“Then I have some good news for you.”
197. “Did you hear that scream?”
“Yes, I’m the one who screamed.”
198. “What happened to your-”
“I lost a bet.”
“Why-”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
199. Reading way above my grade level didn’t get me as far in life as I had hoped.
200. Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.
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mt-oe · 3 months
Note
I love ur workkkk 🥺🥺 … my heart melted
Can I request a mizu x reader in which reader was upset with mizu , and mizu trying to make reader feel happy with her ( I know I worded it poorly 😭😔. English is not my first language 😔). this can be sfw or nsfw. u write the spiciest nsfw stuff 😉
✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧
Hey dear!
Thank you so much for requesting! I'm so sorry if this was WAY overdue. I'll try to make up for it by writing as best as I can <3
Also, please don't think too much about how you worded it. Trying to communicate your ideas, regardless of how you worded it, is already enough.
On an unrelated note, I am temporarily closing my inbox so I can catch up on requests. I wouldn't want to rush since that might compromise the quality of the fics. I deeply appreciate the messages and comments and would really like to answer them but I'm still too shy ;; I promise I'm really trying. Please don't get mad or disappointed in me. Thank you for understanding!
Anyways, I hope you enjoy! Mwa mwa :*
warning/s: not proofread, she/her for mizu, implied afab reader
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Mizu has done a lot of things before. Her sword has known the blood of many, cut through numerous organs, and had seen death like it was the next door neighbor. The fights she had fought were more ferocious than what most warriors could stomach. With a will of steel and the mind of a tactician, a capable swordsman she truly was. But...
How the hell was she going to get through this one?
Cerulean orbs narrowed as she watched you, or more precisely, your back. Her gaze roaming from the tips of your hair to the way your back slumped. Your huffs and whispered grumbles were the only sound that could be heard from the room.
She could feel her palms sweating and her fingers running cold. Not a single coherent thought formed in her brain from how unnerving the situation was. For the first time in her life, she was faced with an opponent she did not know how to defeat.
And this opponent was strong. Not even the swing of her sword or the strength of her hands could quell the wrath and sheer rage of this enemy. Mizu knew she had to plan her next move well or this could cost her everything.
And this opponent...was her wife's anger.
Yes, the ronin who quite literally bit someone's nose, survived a fall from several stories high, burned down Edo, was utterly helpless under her lover's wrath.
"I said I was sorry. What else do I have to do?" she asked, placing a hand on your shoulder, trying to pull you to face her. A groan of frustration boiled at her throat as you shrugged her hand off harshly. "I said I was sorry. What else do I have to do?" you mocked her, imitating her low voice before sticking your tongue. "Go figure it out yourself! Hmph!"
This was so stupid, she thought. But despite the words in her head, she was utterly lost.
All this drama just because she missed a kabuki show that you wanted to watch?
Sure, you had told her ahead of time. Sure, you already planned it out. Sure, you were already at the venue. But it was just a goddamn stage play, what were you so upset about? There would be another show next week with the same story anyway, and if you were so excited to watch, you could have watched it without her.
So what was the big deal about it?
She rolled her eyes before standing up, looking at you in resignation. "Fine, sulk," she grumbled in response, to which you stuck your tongue out. She rolled her eyes once again before strapping her sword to her waist. "Talk when you're no longer acting like a brat." And with those words, she left, slamming the door and causing it to bounce open slightly.
Upon hearing her footsteps fading, you immediately let out a loud sigh. You turned to look at the spot where your lover had previously sat on with a sense of hurt. "But I wanted to go on a date..." you whispered to yourself, throat tightening.
This was one of those moments where you really just had to say, 'it is what it is', and pretend to not get hurt.
You knew Mizu wasn't the most romantic person on the planet. Hell, it was even a surprise that she asked you out. However, there were times when you wished you could open her head and shove some cheesy romance novels, because how the fuck did she not get that you were asking her out on a date?
Urgh.
"What am I even expecting?" you asked yourself out loud, bringing the tickets you had bought for both of you. Tickets that were wasted just because she thought training and buying supplies were more important than spending 4 hours watching a play in a theater with her wife. "Maybe next time I'll just watch her train."
You love her. Of course you did. And you knew she loves you too, but sometimes her inability to understand or express romance made you question it.
Slowly and painfully, you tore up the tickets and fed it to the candle flame, watching as it turned to ashes. Welp. There goes your idea of a romantic evening. "And I planned it for so long too," you sighed as you brought your knees to your chest.
Unbeknown to you, your wife had secretly sneaked back, sitting beside the small door crack she had intentionally made earlier. A small frown on her face as she realized how much she fucked up.
You were right.
You did plan it for a long time. She could see your eyes widen every time the two of you passed by the theatre whenever you went out for supplies, filled with excitement that she couldn't understand then. And you already told her early, so it wasn't like it was out of the schedule or out of the way. Most of all, you were already at the venue.
You were waiting for this for such a long time.
You were waiting for her for such a long time.
And she wasted your efforts. She somehow thought that what you were so eager for was something she could trade for a few hours of extra training.
Guilt welled up in her as she continued to listen to your sighs, peeking inside the room every now and then to make sure you were okay. Her heart clenched in an odd, unfamiliar, yet extremely uncomfortable way at the sight of your frown.
Damnit. Mizu knew she messed up big time. However, even if she felt absolutely terrible, she also knew she couldn't just come back in and reveal that she had just watched you go through five stages of grief in less than an hour or else you'd feel like you forced her to apologize. But how could she make up for this?
As she was deep in thought, thinking of ways on how she could apologize, she suddenly heard the soft padding sound of your feet on the tatami mat as you stood up. "I guess I'll take a nap. Maybe I'll feel better when I wake up," she heard you sigh for the umpteenth time.
Her eyes watched you stretch before pulling the futon out of the closet and set it up. Your hands carefully undid the pins stuck to your hair before laying down, pulling the covers over you, the frown you wore never dissipating.
She could feel her conscience weighing down on her, telling her what a dense idiot she was. The feeling hitting her like a ton of bricks as she watched you slowly fall asleep with a heavy heart.
No, she wasn't going to let your day go on like this. If she fucked up, she's fixing it up.
Slowly and carefully, she got up and sneaked away, leaving the inn and going to the market. No matter how unexperienced or how unknowledgeable she was with how to comfort a person, Mizu was going to try her best.
-
Hours passed and the short nap you had planned turned into one of the longest one you've had yet. It wasn't a pleasant one, but it wasn't the worst either. Your eyes slowly fluttered open before squinting at the faint glow of the candle. The world felt slightly heavy and tilted as your head spu—wait? The candle?
"Oh shit," you whispered, shooting up and looking around in panic, head still spinning from grogginess. Oh no, you forgot to blow out the candle before your nap and accidentally kept it burning. Mizu was going to pissed at you, especially since it was the last one.
But wait—
Shouldn't it have burnt out already?
You brought the back of your hand to your eyes, rubbing away the sleep and grogginess to have a better look around. However, upon looking up, surprise took over your senses.
The room was...decorated?
Or at least there was an attempt.
At a distance from the foot of your futon sat your lover with a wooden crate in front of her. A bit of relief washed over your body as you realized that she had taken care of the candle for you, but still, you were heavily confused. "Mizu...what's going on?" you asked, yawning a bit.
She looked at you with the same emotionless stare she had before sighing. Her hands slowly turned the crate around so the opening was facing you. It was decorated too, and even if it was poorly recreated, you could recognize the setting. It was very similar to the kabuki theater you wanted to go to.
From her back, she brought out two dolls. One wearing a kimono in a color similar to what you were wearing, and one male doll that looked like a samurai. A heavy exhale could be heard coming from her as the embarrassment started kicking in. Was she really going to do this? Yes, yes she was.
Clearing her throat, she moved the dolls to the makeshift stage as she began her narration. "Once upon a time, in a small village, stayed a ronin and her wife." She glances momentarily at you before looking down again, a faint dust of blush on her cheeks. "Her very beautiful wife," she clarified.
Your eyes widened with a mix of delight and surprise. The grogginess from your sleep wore off at the sweetness of your lover's effort. You couldn't believe it. It was a stage play. A stage play about the two of you.
Her hands moved the dolls on stage, making them hold hands as she narrated the events in the story. "But one day, the ronin, being very foolish, decided to go up in the mountains and train instead of accompanying her wife," she said, dolls moving to match her words.
"And her wife..." she continued, moving your doll to look like it was sulking, "...got very upset." Blue eyes looked at you once again to check if you were still watching. You could tell that she was being very sincere about this.
"Not knowing what to do, the ronin went out to think and realized that she was indeed wrong and had been inconsiderate, that her wife was really just trying to bond and spend time in merriment."
She slowly set the dolls down and readjusted, sitting up straight before bowing her head slightly. "And so, the ronin apologized," she said with all seriousness. "I'm sorry, love. I knew you wanted to go out for so long. I should have appreciated your efforts more. I have no excuses."
Silence embraced the room after, completely amplifying the pounding of her heart as she awaited your response. Jitters ran through her body from nervousness. Mizu didn't dare look up, not until you gave her a response.
Seconds felt like minutes as she waited. An unexplainable kind of anxiety holding over her. What if you didn't like the little show she put? What if she just made your anger worse? Her thoughts were scattering by the millisecond. She wanted nothing more than for you to forgive her.
Her heart stopped as she saw your hands reach for the dolls, looking over them before making your doll face her doll.
"And the wife accepted the apology," you giggled, bending your dolls head slightly so it would kiss the representing her. Before she could speak, she felt your lips on her cheek. The sweet sound of your laughter soon followed, making her blush.
You lifted the dolls up to eye level and looked at them fondly. "You really went out and beyond, didn't you?" you laughed, wiggling them around in some form of cuteness aggression. She lifted her head and smiled softly. "I didn't know what to do," she admitted, finding your fondness for the dolls adorable. "And I really wanted to go back to my wife."
"You could have just said sorry, dummy. But.." your voice trailed off, eyes looking back at your wife's, leaning closer to her. "This made me unbelievably happy," you admitted. "Thank you, love."
Your wife's smile widened as you leaned in and kissed her softly. Her hands instinctively pulling you closer. Love and affection radiated from her as both of you pulled away, gazing lovingly into each other's eyes. Her breath hitched as you opened your mouth, anticipation building up regarding what you were going to say.
"But next time you do that, you're sleeping without a futon."
"Yes ma'am"
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classicrubberduck · 7 months
Note
need an alonso scandal primer BAD
Oh Lord, I am tired after work so I will just give a very quick summary:
The Really Big Ones are Spygate 2007, when McLaren were found to have possession of stolen technical information from Ferrari. Fernando had his own mini-scandal within this scandal, when he deliberately held up Lewis during qualifying for the 2007 Hungarian Grand Prix (for which the FIA penalised McLaren and basically told them to get their drivers in line). The next day Fernando attempted to threaten Ron Dennis by sending evidence confirming McLaren knew about the stolen Ferrari information. Which led to Ron Dennis running to the FIA President, Max Mosley, to tell him that he knew nothing about the emails, which led to the FIA re-investigating the whole saga, which led to McLaren getting a $100,000,000 fine, the biggest in sporting history.
Oh, 2007 F1 Season you will always be famous.
Also in the 2007 season, Marc Priestley wrote in his book that Fernando was going around giving his mechanics brown envelopes of cash, which is, how you say, a wee bit scandalous.
Then there was the 2008 Crashgate scandal, when Nelson Piquet Jr deliberatly crashed in order to ensure that Fernando won the race. Who knows if Fernando knew about it at the time, but it's yet another weird scandal he got caught up in.
Then in 2010, there was the Fernando Is Faster Than You incident (yes that video involves Christian Horner being an enormous hypocrite but that aside) in which Ferrari gave a team order for Felipe Massa to move aside for Fernando, even though team orders were illegal at the time. And it was in particularly bad taste given that this was at the Hungarian GP, the race where one year earlier, Felipe had suffered a serious head injury.
In 2012, at the American GP, Ferrari deliberately broke the seal on Felipe Massa's engine in order to give Fernando an advantage on the by moving him to the clean side of the track.
In 2013, Fernando was asked at the Hungarian Grand Prix (what is it with Fernando and Hungary) what he would like for his birthday, and he replied "someone else's car" (valid tbh) and the boss of Ferrari called him on his birthday to yell at him.
Jenson has said that when they were at McLaren, Fernando used to pretend there were problems with the car and retire if Jenson was ahead of him in a race.
And then, when it was announced that Fernando was going to Aston Martin, Otmar said he hadn't spoken to Fernando because he was on a boat with no signal. Literally later that day, Fernando posted a selfie of himself in Barcelona, making it extremely obvious that he was just ignoring Otmar's calls because he wanted to.
I'm absolutely certain there's other things I'm forgetting, but those are the ones that came immediately to mind. As you can tell, not all of it is directly Fernando's fault, but the man's just a magnet for scandal and drama. It says a lot that I said this was going to be a quick primer, and I spent the best part of an hour writing and researching eight paragraphs worth of stuff.
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poohsources · 1 year
Text
🐝  *  ―  𝑷𝑹𝑰𝑫𝑬 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.  (  in honor of pride month, here are some sentences for lgbtq+ muses, coming outs, and pride in general. i'm mostly keeping these positive because this is our month and we deserve positivity and understanding.  )
❛  always be proud of who you are.  ❜ ❛  i'm not going to change who i am just because some people don't like my sexuality.  ❜ ❛  are you planning how to come out to your family?  ❜ ❛  i don't want to hide who i am anymore.  ❜ ❛  if that's how you truly feel then i'm okay with it. as long as you're happy, i'm happy.  ❜ ❛  can you tell me more about being [ gay / bisexual / trans / etc. ]?  ❜ ❛  we shouldn't be shamed for who we are.  ❜ ❛  there's nothing wrong with you. it's society as a whole that's wrong.  ❜ ❛  my coming out didn't go as planned ...  ❜ ❛  i've always felt like i didn't fit in but now i know it's only because i repressed who i really am.  ❜ ❛  just be yourself, and don't give a damn what anyone else may think.  ❜ ❛  i can finally be myself!  ❜ ❛  you don't have to hide who you are with me. i love you no matter what.  ❜ ❛  you don't have to label yourself if you don't want to or don't feel like you haven't found the right one yet.  ❜ ❛  want to come to the pride parade with me?  ❜ ❛  when did you figure out you're [ lesbian / ace / nonbinary / etc. ]?  ❜ ❛  it's terrible having to choose between being yourself and being safe.  ❜ ❛  people should remember that it doesn't matter what we identify as because we're all human deep down.  ❜ ❛  remember how everyone had their weird phases as a teenager? being straight was mine.  ❜ ❛  well, apparently i didn't have to come out since everyone apart from me always knew i'm not straight.  ❜ ❛  this is the first pride month i can finally be myself.  ❜ ❛  have you ever been at pride?  ❜ ❛  i wish my family would be as understanding as you are.  ❜ ❛  it's time to stop pretending you're something you're not.  ❜ ❛  as long as you're happy does it really matter who you fall in love with?  ❜ ❛  why do strangers care so much about my personal life and think they can judge me for something i literally cannot control?  ❜ ❛  you don't have to have figured it all out yet. you've still got your whole life ahead of you to do that.  ❜ ❛  well ... being straight is boring anyway, isn't it?  ❜ ❛  do you have any tips about coming out to people?  ❜ ❛  it feels good to talk to someone who understands me.  ❜ ❛  i accept you the way you are, you don't have to pretend with me.  ❜ ❛  it feels so good to stop pretending.  ❜ ❛  look, i bought a pride flag!  ❜ ❛  how did your coming out go?  ❜ ❛  what are your pronouns?  ❜ ❛  they're assholes if they don't accept you for who you are. you're awesome!  ❜ ❛  hey, do you mind using [ pronoun / pronoun ] for me now? i'm trying to figure something out.  ❜ ❛  today, i'm finally going to legally change my documents.  ❜ ❛  i don't understand much about lgbtq but i'm willing to learn.  ❜ ❛  you deserve to be loved just the way you are.  ❜
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Okay. I kinda want to walk through what I think is happening in each of their heads during the conversation. For my own sake, mainly, but who knows, maybe someone else will find it useful. Spoilers ahead, obviously. (Also fair warning that this is long and I expect nobody to actually read it; this is mostly for me.)
So let's establish first where they are when Blitz arrives.
Blitz hates himself. He's on the path to healing after making up with Fizz, but it is a very long road ahead. So if you can imagine it as a spectrum where "hates self" and "loves self" are on opposite ends, maybe he's not all the way at the hates self end anymore, but he's still pretty darn far over that way. So Blitz is arriving thinking he's unlovable, that he makes everyone's lives worse, and that Stolas is possibly getting bored of him. We also know from his half of the duet that he genuinely looks forward to these full moon nights and likes their arrangement. Makes sense. It provides him with the comfort of what he thinks is the closest he can get to an actual relationship where all he has to give is something he knows that he can and that he's good at (sex). He wants to keep the arrangement going. Yes, for a way to earth, but also for Stolas. This, in Blitz's mind, is the only way he gets to keep him.
Stolas is likely unmedicated for his depression, since this show doesn't show us things like him being out of his pills as just a throwaway joke; it's important. Anyone who has ever had depression knows that it just loves to remind you of the worst things about yourself, most of which aren't even true. It tells you that you're worthless and unlovable. We can see this in the way he's covered everyone but Octavia in the artworks in his home, mirroring Blitz scribbling himself out of photos. He's been in a dark place. But Stolas is also being so brave, ready to ask Blitz to love him anyway. To choose him of his own free will, the way it should've always been. His depression is making it hard, but he's going out on the limb anyway and hoping Blitz will catch him.
"I need it back...permanently."
Blitz starts panicking. He reacts like a puppy that's been told it's a bad dog. He starts promising that he can be good, he can do better. He can fuck Stolas like nobody else can.
Stolas rebuffs the advance and this is interesting to me-- Blitz slips into his dom persona a little, trying to regain control of the situation. He calls Stolas "bitch" and pushes his legs apart, lowers his voice to be seductive. And it alllllllmost works, just for a second, as Stolas blushes and starts to fall under the spell of it all. But then he gets himself back under control and reasserts this new boundary.
Blitz immediately drops the act and starts to beg with genuine distress, tears in his eyes even, and up until this point, I won't argue with you if you try to tell me that it's all about the grimoire. I disagree, but I'll let you get away with telling yourself that. Right up until this point.
Because this is when Stolas holds out the crystal and everything changes.
Their fucking leitmotif or whatever you call it, I don't know music terms, it starts playing, changing from the dramatic, ominous music before. Blitz starts inspecting the crystal like he doesn't believe it's real.
Let's be clear: he knows what an Asmodean crystal is and what it does. He's seen them before at least twice, both in 2x05. So it's not that he's in disbelief or confusion about what it does or that it exists. It's that Stolas is giving it to him that's taking him aback.
"You no longer need my grimoire." "Whaaaat?"
Because all Blitz is hearing is "you don't need me now. I can be rid of you without guilt."
"I don't understand. Why are you giving me this? Am I not fucking you good enough? Because I can always do better."
Let's take a second to pretend we're in a world where Blitz has zero feelings for Stolas. That this has always just been about getting to earth. In that world, Blitz never says this line. In that world, Blitz splits right here. He has the crystal in his hands. He knows what it does. He is officially 100% free at this point.
But we don't live in that universe and this line proves it. Blitz thinks he's being cast aside and instead of seeing it as his chance at freedom from Stolas, he's begging to be kept.
I can do better. Don't throw me away.
"I care...very deeply for you. And I have for some time."
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This is the face Blitz makes after that. The entire time Stolas is talking, he keeps looking between Stolas and the crystal while making this face, like he literally can't process what is happening. Of all the things he expected to happen tonight, this wasn't even on the list. And remember: Blitz hates himself. Blitz genuinely believes he is unlovable.
Have you ever experienced something so surreal that it's almost like you left your body during it? Like your brain literally couldn't process that this was happening to you, so it's almost like you dissociate to the point that you feel like you're watching it happen to someone else? Because things like this don't happen! Not to you. These are things you see on TV or hear happening to other people. But to YOU? There's no way it's real.
"You don't have to stay here with me."
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He looks ALARMED. Scared. The thought that he's about to lose Stolas genuinely startles him. He doesn't want what he thinks is happening. He doesn't want to be cast aside. If his choice is this or the chains, he'd rather the chains.
But. That's not the choice he's being presented. Because Stolas adds,
"But I want you to."
And Blitz's brain, his traumatized, mentally ill brain...just can not process that. No one wants to keep him. He's a commodity to be bought and sold and has been since his father sold him to Paimon as a child (which, by the way, I'm fairly convinced he thinks was Stolas's idea, not Paimon's). Maybe even before.
So his defense mechanisms kick in from this point on. Default to what's comfortable. It must be a sex thing! There's no way Stolas means this, so it's gotta be some weird roleplay. Well, he can do that! He can swoon and say he loves him (and if that hits a little too close to the truth, then fuck you, no it doesn't) and it's fine because this is fake. This can't be real, because things like this don't happen to someone as "worthless" as Blitz believes himself to be.
Blitz is trying to protect his own heart here, but what Stolas is hearing is rejection. Blitz playing it off as a joke must mean that Stolas is a joke for ever thinking Blitz could love him back. And why would he? Stolas doesn't see himself as lovable, either. One of his earliest memories is of Blitz "using" him to steal from the palace, never knowing that Blitz was only doing so on his father's orders, just as Blitz probably doesn't know that he was bought on Paimon's order, not Stolas's. He's a commodity, too.
Stolas's depression immediately puts him in a place where he can't see past his own pain and self-loathing. Blitz not immediately jumping into his arms must mean that all the worst things he thinks about himself are true. Blitz sees him as the monster he fears he is.
So he pulls himself together and starts to walk. And again, Blitz could leave here if he didn't care.
But the strangest thing happens. Blitz realizes that Stolas meant it. He even asks,
"Wait, you were being serious? Hold on, Stolas. What the fuck?"
He's trying to talk it out. He's trying to have the conversation. He's hurt and confused and in disbelief but he's not running from this. He's not letting Stolas walk away from him because he wants Stolas, and he's actively trying to keep him. They have to talk this through, and Blitz of all people is the one trying to pull Stolas back into the conversation.
"The fact that you couldn't believe that I could have these feelings about you, the fact that your first instinct is that it's always about sex, that's enough to know what this is."
See, what we have to remember is that Stolas doesn't have all the information we do. He hasn't seen the crossed out pictures, he didn't witness the flashback to the fire that killed Blitz's mom. Stolas hasn't watched Blitz cry himself to sleep or drink himself into a stupor after what he perceived as a public rejection at Ozzie's. Neither of them have all the information about each other that we, the audience do.
So when Stolas, who doesn't know that Blitz hates himself and thinks himself unlovable, hears that Blitz thinks there's no way that Stolas could love him, what Stolas hears is "you, Stolas, are an unlovable monster in my eyes."
It just confirms all the worst things Stolas thinks about himself. It's a literal, "it's not you, it's me," situation, but Stolas can't see that because he doesn't have all the information.
And here's what's even more interesting. Blitz doesn't think it's over like Stolas does. He's not rejecting Stolas.
"Fuck you, Stolas. You spring this feelings bullshit on me, are you fucking kidding? Can I get a fucking minute to think after everything you put me through, you pompous, rich, asshole?"
This is Blitz saying that this is all very unexpected for him, but he's not saying no. He's saying "give me a minute, let me think. Don't take my first reaction in the way that you are. I was surprised. I was in disbelief. Give me a fucking minute to PROCESS."
But by this point, it's too late. Stolas's self-loathing has taken the driver's seat in his brain and all he can hear is that Blitz hates him, that he is unlovable, that he's a monster, that he's all the things he feared were true, and the person telling him that is the person he cared (second) most for in the entire world.
Blitz's defense mechanism is fight. Stolas's is flight. And so when Blitz unloads on him like that, Blitz is trying, in his own messed up way, to have the conversation. To work this out. To be honest for once and see if they can get somewhere now that the dam has been broken. While Stolas...his instinct is to flee. And since he's the one with the magic portals, guess what happens?
"I didn't realize you think so low of me."
You can tell by Blitz's reaction that he realizes they're not having the conversation he thinks they are. He realizes in that instant that Stolas isn't going to yell back with him. They're not going to scream at each other until they get it all out of their systems and reach a catharsis. He's hurt Stolas, maybe in a way that they can't come back from, and he immediately shifts his demeanor.
"Stolas, wait. I'm so--"
And then it's over. He's been kicked out of the palace. Thrown aside, just like he feared he would be.
And each of them are left feeling like the other thinks they're a monster, because neither of them realize that the only person who thinks they're a monster is themself.
I gotta go lie down, jfc.
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golbrocklovely · 11 months
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cultish love // colby brock
A/N: first off, so sorry for this being so late, i had a lot of things i had to edit about this fic. also this is my longest fic ever ! like the other fic before this, this is a AU version of colby… where he, you guessed it, is a cult leader. and he is also corrupt (but like aren't all cult leaders). again this deals with some possible heavy themes, so give a good read of the trigger warnings before reading ahead. i've always joked about colby being able to lead a cult, and that's basically where this idea came from. this fic also took a turn i wasn't expecting, but i like it anyway. also the first half is written as a journal entry (all italized) and then the rest is an actual fic (not italized). lmk what you think, and happy haunting !
prompt: you're a journalist, and your next big story is on the 'empathic love' cult, led by none other than colby brock. this cult is not known well, but you are getting a first hand look at them and what they do. and quickly, colby takes a liking to you. || fem!reader x AU!cult leader!colby brock
trigger warning: SMUT, no actual sex but you do get mentally fucked (it will make sense in the story), cult vibes all around, love bombing, cursing, supernatural powers, colby is very intense and kinda scary but also still his charming self, slight dubcon similar in vain to sam's story - you never say no outright, but you do have general feelings of 'wtf is this, idk if i like' so if that's too much for you, feel free to read something else :), colby's aura is crazy good at giving you visions, strangers-to-soulmates?? don't know if that's a tag lol, also…. colby's technically bisexual in this????? but like barely
word count: 8610
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I've been a reporter for only five years, and this story.... it could make or break my career. Cults aren't as prevalent as they once were way back when. They still exist, just in the shadows. A lot quieter on most fronts. Usually disguised as a business or religion, for tax reasons of course. But this cult, Empathic Love, is unlike any cult I've heard of.
Of course, they don't call themselves a cult, but that's what they are. How else would you describe a bunch of randos following one man around wherever he goes?
They only started so many years ago, right before I graduated university. The main founder, Colby Brock, is a pragmatic individual, according to his followers. The cult began blowing up in my town a little over two years ago, and now people flock from all over the world to visit the Love Compound. You would think it's Disney World the way people grow excited about it.
But I am here to get to the truth of this cult. What is their motive? What are they planning to do? Will this be another Waco or Heaven's Gate? What sinister beliefs hide underneath the modern-day hippie aesthetic they show?
These notes will document everything I experience for the next couple of days. And in case I go missing, these are my proof of who's to blame.
I don't think it will go that far, but you can never be too sure.
~~~~
Day 1 - Investigation
I'm still incredibly surprised I was allowed to come onto the Love Compound. The leader himself apparently reached out to my boss and told them that they wanted someone to come down and interview the group. They allow visitors from time to time, "new recruits" as some of the townspeople call them, but reporters have never been allowed in. Not once. Until me.
Driving up to the compound was nerve-wracking. I never imagined I would be nervous; I've interviewed plenty of criminals in my years, have done full blown investigations into scary, horrifying crimes. But something about this place freaked me out. Partially because I didn't know what I was getting into. But another part of me, and I will never admit this out loud, felt... at home.
The only promise I made to myself was I wouldn’t drink any kool-aid while there. So, I plan to stick to that. Pretend my previous statement never existed.
I was greeted by a beautiful woman when I got there: Avery. No one went by last names. And some apparently changed their names altogether, which was not surprising. My guess is there were most likely criminals hanging out amongst the group. But I had no proof of that, just a hunch. It easily could be a safe haven for those wanting to escape whatever life they had before.
The compound was three Victorian style mansions connected to each other and had a decent size farm attached - about 222 acres. Avery told me about all of the vegetables and chickens they farmed. Everything was organic and used up as often as possible. Anything that couldn't be eaten or produced too much for the only 100ish people in the compound, was sold at the farmer's market or given away to the local food bank. Avery explained to me very clearly that everyone in the compound chipped in one way or another. Some still worked normal jobs, but just lived here with everyone. But she noted that Colby hoped in the near future no one would have to work at all and they would be self-sufficient in a couple years.
A cult with future plans? Almost unheard of.
I told Avery that I was given an all-access pass to ask anything I wanted to, and nothing I asked could be ignored or deflected. She agreed to an interview. I recorded all of it, but here are the highlights of what I gathered.
I asked her why Colby was such a secretive man. There were very few photos of him that did exist out there, but all that was rumored about him was his alluring eyes and generally attractive presence. She agreed that he was handsome, describing his as having "ocean blue eyes" and his voice was to die for. "Deep and arousing", as she explained.
I noted that she seemed almost lost in thought at the idea of him, like she was envisioning him directly in front of her. Strange behavior; but not for a cult follower. Many end up falling in love with their leader, believing they have a genuine relationship with said person.
I bought up the name of the group, Empathic Love, and said it felt a little too inviting. She laughed and told me that it was right on the money - the best way to describe why everyone was there. She expressed to me that so many of Colby's followers wanted peace and love and light, and that being in this group felt like that. It was rewarding to be surrounded by those that cared and wanted to see each other succeed. Life outside the walls of the compound was rough, scary, draining; but inside, it was all love.
Call me cynical, but I don't believe that for a second. It took all the strength I had to keep from rolling my eyes at her. But I could tell from her voice, her motions... she was telling the truth. Well, her truth.
I wanted to know what brought her here, so she spoke of her previous life. She was abused growing up, moved around a lot in foster care. She was almost homeless, and then one day she ran into Colby. He had just begun the Empathic Love group, and she just knew she had to stick with him. Her life immediately turned around the moment he was in her life. The adoration in her eyes told me a different story, so I pressed her - "are you and Colby... together?" She smiled and said no, but she knew that they were life partners before, just not currently.
Oh... so it's one of those types of cults.
She said that Colby doesn't have a second in command, wife, girlfriend, whatever. Everyone is equal and heard. He's just the face of the group, which is a bit ironic given even I have no clue what he looks like. I knew he was young, in his mid-20s. But other than that, no idea.
I needed to know, why stay? What keeps you here? A dreamy look came over her, like she had said this a million times before: "Colby. He is love, and that's all anyone could ask for."
Chills ran up my spine at the tone of her voice. It was dull, and her words sounded like a mantra, the way she said them so easily.
I wrapped up my interview with her, quiring if I was allowed to interview others. She said yes and began sending over random people one-by-one to me.
If I hadn't gotten chills from her first, I would have from everyone else. Something about seeing everyone saying similar things, smiling happily, like the ship isn't sinking around them was eerie. It made my stomach churn when I would ask questions I already asked Avery, and get almost the same speech back.
I interviewed about 15 people. All variety of ages and genders. I suddenly realized that there were no children around, and everyone was over the age of 21.
Consenting adults… minus the supposed brainwashing.
A couple of the interviewees stuck out to me:
Penelope, 25. Her upbringing was similar to Avery's, but she still kept in contact with her family. Apparently, she wasn't the only one like that either. Many still kept in touch and even visited their loved ones. I asked her to describe Colby, tell me anything about him. She giggled, almost like a schoolgirl, and began to weave such a story about him. He was kind and caring. His smile was contagious, just like his laugh. And his singing voice was fantastic. She talked about him like he was a boy band member, and she was his biggest fan. I asked her to give one word to describe him, and she said "Love. He is love, and that's all anyone could ask for."
Greg, 36. He had fallen into rough times, and desired a fresh start. He had heard about this group online, and figured checking them out while he was in town wouldn't hurt. And that was a couple years ago. I wondered why he didn't feel weird listening to someone that was younger than him, and he shrugged. It was nice not having eyes on him. He loved being in a wallflower, and he believed that Colby deserved all the love he got from everyone in the group. Every ounce he got was ten-folded back into the group. Greg had never felt so connected to a group of people and he knew it was all thanks to Colby. "He brought love into my life like I never have had it before. Because that's who he is: love."
Heather, 29. She mentioned how for most of her life she felt like shit. Her confidence was at an all-time low when she met Colby. He encouraged her to keep at it, to love herself and find happiness everywhere. And by spending more and more time with him, she did. She has never felt more confident about herself, her life, her direction, and Colby is the reason for that. The tone that took over her voice when she bought him up was odd. It was very similar to a partner describing the love of their life, almost like wedding vows. I asked her haphazardly about her love life, how that was going for her. And she told me she had been on many dates - something she never used to do back when she was younger or before Colby. But she did note that regardless of who she ends up with, she knows that a part of her heart will always belong to Colby. They were connected, forever. "Love and light and happiness is what I desired, and I got it - all because Colby exists in my life now."
It felt like I was getting nowhere with some of these interviews. Many said the same thing, Colby being love and light and blah blah blah. I wanted someone that wasn't gonna just quote to me whatever mantra he made them learn. And luck was on my side, because I was able to interview their newest member, Ash. They were 23, and very beautiful. There was an almost smugness about them, like they knew they were the shiny new toy on the block. The confidence only a young 20-something year old could have.
I asked them, point blank, about Colby. Be brutally honest. They told me he was hot, and that's what drew them to him. They liked the idea of living in a group setting, especially since they grew up with many brothers and sisters. They liked helping out, and they liked knowing that Colby was keeping an eye on them the most recently. I then followed up with how long it took for them to join the group. "Three days. That's how long it takes for everyone."
I questioned them about the "Colby is love" thing, and they agreed it was a bit strange, but they couldn't help but feel the same way as everyone else. They were like a moth to a flame when it came to him. Everything about him was hypnotizing, entrancing. It was like staring at the sun; even though you knew to look away, you just couldn't help it.
Then I had to know: were they sleeping with him? Most of these cults feed off of the leader fucking every person they wanted to and leaving other members high and dry. But for some reason, it felt as if Colby was sleeping with everyone with the way they all talked about him. Ash dissented, saying no one was sleeping with him. He didn't sleep with any of his followers. But they all shared a deep, sensual mental connection with him. They felt like, sometimes, he was in their soul. And that sensation alone was euphoric, bordering on orgasmic. They also knew that in another life, they would have been together, similar to what Avery said.
It was then I knew that this group was clinically insane, or just really infatuated by what Colby was selling. It had to have been some crazy brainwashing. But it was odd; people were allowed to leave, to see loved ones, to have lives outside of the compound walls. Hell, some had dating lives that included those not here! That's unheard of, and completely stupid on Colby's part if he wants to keep things going.
A cult leader that wanted to watch his world implode.... I had to meet him. I had to meet the myth that was Colby Brock. And tomorrow I get my chance to.
~~~~
Day 2 - Interview with Colby
I feel the need to explain that these are my notes, not really meant for anyone else to see. And really, the only reason anyone would be seeing this is if I disappear or got murdered.
So, I say all of that just so I know, for myself, that this is a safe space for me to express my truest emotions and thoughts after interviewing Colby.
And all I can say, honestly, is that... I get it. I understand it now.
I felt my nerves hit their break last night before going to sleep, unable to stop my mind reeling from what was to come. I ended up bringing along a bodyguard, or really a photographer. I had known Trey since I started working as a journalist, and I knew I could rely on him to get us out of the Empathic Love compound if anything went south. I wasn't sure what I was up against when I went to interview Colby, but God... I didn't think I was so underprepared.
I met him in his office, Avery walked me over to it. It was up in the attic of the third house. It overlooked the entire property with wide windows. For an attic, I expected it to feel dark and dusty, but surprisingly it was light and airy. Almost like being out in the woods and taking a deep breath.
Colby was sitting in his main office chair. He spun around to see us, a light smile on his face. I'll be honest - I was taken aback by his beauty. I understood Ash's whole spiel about him being attractive and looking at him was like looking at the sun. It was intense. He was intense. His blue eyes bore into me, almost like they could see through me. I felt chills, but they weren't of fear. It was out of... excitement, of awe.
He greeted me, giving me a warm handshake. I hate to admit that I almost blushed at the sound of him saying my name. I had to take a couple deep breaths before starting. Avery left the room, and Trey sat outside the door, in case of backup.
I recorded our interview, knowing that I couldn't keep track of everything he said. But listening back to it now, his voice.... it's like a song. A beautiful, spellbinding song. I could almost fall asleep to it....
I asked him about his life, and how he came to be a leader for a group like Empathic Love. He spoke of his upbringing lightly, barely scraping the surface. He talked about growing up pretty normally, having a loving family, a great friend group, and then one day realizing that he could make a change in the world. That many people loved him and loved being around him. And that's when he knew that if he could make their lives better, he would. So, he started Empathic Love. Originally, it was just gonna be a safehouse for those that needed it. But then more and more people joined and suddenly, it grew into what it was today.
I asked where his family was now. "In Kansas," he told me. He said nothing further than that.
He humbly spoke of all the love he received from his followers, or his "friends" as he put it. They all cared about him in a way that he only wished he could return tenfold. I questioned him about the whole "Colby is love" thing. "How come everyone says almost the exact same thing, like they've been brainwashed into saying it?" He didn't even trip over his words as he spoke matter-of-factly to me. "I didn't come up with that phrase, they did. You would have to ask them. I take it as the highest form of a compliment, truly. I'll be honest, it's a bit embarrassing at times when they call me that, but I can't help what they do. I appreciate their love, nonetheless."
I continued asking him about different topics, until finally reaching the one I was most intrigued about. "How many of your followers - excuse me - friends, have you slept with?" He smirked, smirked, at me and said "None. Did any of them tell you that we slept together?"
"No, but the way they talk about you like the sun shines out of your ass does seem a bit odd, don't you think?"
He looked unphased. God, he had an answer for everything. "I'll be honest with you, some of my friends might be in love with me. But I make it abundantly clear that while I love them, and love their love, I don't have feelings for them. I'm still looking for the one."
I remember holding back a glare, "So, you're celibate?"
"Now, I never said that." He let out a chuckle, then his eyes darkened. "Why do you care so much about my sex life? Unless of course, you want to join it."
I tried ignoring his gaze and his words but stuttered through my next question. “Then who exactly is the right one for you, if it's not one of your followers or friends?”
It took him a while to answer, he even closed his eyes for a bit. He sat up once he knew, sauntering over to his window that overlooked it all. "I imagine the one for me is someone that will bring peace to me and my life. Someone that for all my faults, can see who I am truly deep down. She will love me, and I will worship her. I will show her what true love feels like. Our souls will be one, because they always have been."
Something strange came over me. I don't know why I said it, but I uttered, "What about looks?"
Who cares about looks! Why did I ask about looks? I was a serious journalist, not a reporter for Star Magazine!
He looked over his shoulder at me, "Looks aren't that important to me. What matters is mind and soul. Who you are deep down. But if I had to pick… someone like you. I feel someone like you would be a perfect fit around here."
I wanted to give him the sassiest voice and rebuttal I could muster, but deep down I was shaking. Energy raced through my body, like I had been electrified.
He kept his back to me, staring out the window. “I'm not trying to be overly complimentary. I'm just being honest. But I can tell that you would do so well to have us around. To have... me, in your life. I bring a lot of love to people's lives, that's for sure. But I also bring a lot of drive, and passion, and intimacy.”
Intimacy?
“People open up when I'm around. They tell me everything, even things they never dreamt of telling another person. And I allow it, because clearly, they needed to express it. And once they do, it's like the floodgates open. Love and light just start pouring into them, into their life, and it's overwhelming - but so worth it. Doesn't that sound nice?”
I guess so...
“I bring happiness to so many. My friends have told me that they get jittery around me, I'm like a shot of adrenaline. And that energy, that power, courses through them. And when it gets expressed, it comes out in…” He took a long pause, turning back to me. The look in his eyes… I can remember it as if he was still in front of me. “Pleasurable ways.”
I hate admitting this, and it's embarrassing to say it even now, but I felt a jolt of... something, run through me. I won't even say what it was out loud, in fear of never being taken seriously again. But what happened after that, I don't know if words can even express it well.
Colby continued talking, but I couldn't pick up on any of it. He was talking up a storm, but I couldn't help the sensations I was feeling. Even in my wildest of fantasies, I've never felt anything in reality. It was all in my mind. But in that very moment, it felt like it was happening to me.
I felt lips tread up my neck, stopping just below my ear. A hot, low moan breathed into my ear. My spine tingled at the sound, my hands gripping the armrests of the chair. If I didn't know any better, I would think Colby was behind me, making those noises. My hands suddenly felt hands on top of them. My eyes widened, looking down, but nothing was there. I couldn't really move my arms once the invisible hands were there. My whole body felt numb and heavy, relaxed. My mind was the one on edge, worried as to why I was feeling all of this.
I hadn't eaten or drank anything at the compound. Maybe it was being poured into the room by the vents? I don't know, but something was making me feel this way.
The invisible hands drifted up my arms, massaging my shoulders for a moment. My head lulled back, almost hitting the back of the chair. My mind was on high alert, but my body was about ready to fall asleep. The hands relaxed me so much that my eyes began to flutter.
But then... they drifted down my torso. They traced along my neck gently, drawing small, insignificant patterns. The hands grew lower and lower until they finally were on my chest. I felt the hands cup my breasts softly, my breath hitching in my throat. They kneaded my tits gingerly, my nipples hardening in my bra. I bit my lip, praying that I wouldn't make a sound. It was hard not to, especially when the delicate fingers of these invisible hands found my nipples, gently pinching them.
I remember closing my eyes tight. Trying to clear my mind. This wasn't actually happening to me. There was no way. This was a psychosis or a drug hallucination that was happening to me and Colby was doing nothing about it.
One hand drifted down my body, stopping right above my sex. I suddenly became very aware at how wet I was, my eyes widening. I felt a rush of blood flow through my cheeks. I was about to get caught. These invisible hands made me wet, and I couldn't stop them.
And the terrible thing was, I didn't want them to. I wanted them to finish the job. To get me off... in front of Colby. One hand rose back up my body, grabbing my neck and turning my face to look up at him.
A deep voice whispered harshly, "You want him, don't you?"
I didn't say anything, afraid of what would come out. But deep down, I knew.
"Say it, and it's yours. Say you want him. And he'll have you... forever."
I opened my mouth. I felt the words almost leave my lips. I stuttered out something. I closed my eyes, my body feeling high.
And then in a split second, it was all gone. The room grew quiet, and Colby cleared his throat. "Y/N, are you okay? You look flush."
I jolted out of my seat, being able to move freely again. I looked around and realized Colby was sitting once more, staring at me concerned. I finished the interview abruptly, saying I had everything I needed - even though I definitely didn't. And then he uttered words I wish I didn't hear.
"If you want, come back tomorrow. We are having a celebration here. I would love if you came by, even if for an hour."
I nodded, not even really taking in what he said, and left. Trey was confused as to why I bum-rushed out of the room, but I never told him the truth. How could I?
I knew deep down I shouldn't have said yes to go to the party. But getting that footage would be killer for my article. Interviews are great, but a party at a cult compound? That's bound to end terribly (for Colby, but great for me).
But something in me can't shake this feeling that I basically signed myself up for the end. End of what? I'm not sure. But I'll find out tomorrow.
~~~~~~
Stepping back onto the compound made my heart race. I was nervous as all hell, and just wanted this day to be over with already. Today was my last day doing this story. I was counting the minutes to when I could go back to my office and write about how this place was insane, or whatever narrative I planned to write.
I had enough proof that something was up here. All I needed to do was a bit more digging. And during the party is when I planned to do it.
Avery walked up to me, smiling brightly. "Hey, Y/N! How are you doing today?"
"I'm okay. I know it's a bit early, but Colby never specified when the party was going to take place." I replied.
"No, you're totally fine. The party is gonna happen later. Right now, though, we have something going on that you'll definitely want to see." She clapped excitedly.
"Oh? And what is that?" I questioned.
"We are inducting a new member!" she exclaimed giddily. "There's a whole process that we do, and everyone is involved. I imagine that will bode well for your article if you see it firsthand. It's all taking place in that tent."
I stared over at the huge tent, its plastic cover doors strangely inviting.
I hummed, "Sure, I'll be there in a moment."
Avery nodded, turning on her heels and prancing over to the tent, following in other members.
"What's happening in there?" Trey asked.
"Apparently they are inducting someone new into their cult." I informed him.
He blinked. "Group, you mean."
I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, whatever. Make sure to capture as much as you can."
He shook his camera, giving me a wink, "On it."
We both walked in, many members still up and around, giving everyone hugs and chatting. Avery waved me down, patting the seat next to her. I walked over and sat. My body tingled in anticipation. I wasn't sure what was going to happen. My breathing picked up as everyone grew silent, the doors opening. Colby walked in, and people rushed to their seats.
Colby called out, "Hello everyone, good morning."
"Good morning, Colby." Everyone said in unison.
Jesus, that was creepy.
"A lot of things are going to be different today. First, we have guests watching our festivities. Y/N and Trey. Everyone, give them a hand." He gestured to the two of us.
The tent exploded in applause, Avery evening rubbing my back sweetly. It felt like I was being congratulated on something I didn't achieve, my cheeks flushing at the acknowledgement.
"And secondly, sadly, the new member we were going to have decided not to stay." He frowned, his face dropping.
Members gasped, some audible "oh no" echoed around the tent. Colby nodded his head sympathetically. “I know, but fret not. I think this will be a learning experiment for our new guests. We can still do our traditional motions of having someone join us. But, imagine it as if it's a mock ceremony instead. Ms. Y/N, would you please step up here?”
My heart stopped when he looked into my eyes, the first time since yesterday. I glanced at Avery, who grinned enthusiastically. She pushed me out of my seat, my body following her lead. I gazed around, finding Trey, who pulled away from his camera with a concerned look. I stumbled up the walkway, stepping on stage with Colby.
Colby lowered his voice so I could only hear him, moving away from the microphone. "I know you wanted to know about how we induct someone into our little home, so I figured why not use you as an example? We aren't actually inducting you, in case you’re worried. This is just what would happen if you were joining. Are you okay with that?"
I gazed around the huge, white tent, making eye contact with many people in the audience. They all looked so eager, waiting to hear my response. Some were even shaking with excitement.
I stuttered, feeling Colby squeeze my hands to bring my attention back to him, "I-I guess so."
"Fantastic." He turned, still holding one of my hands, "Alright everyone, you know the drill."
The crowd cheered, suddenly many lining up to a microphone at the side of the stage. Colby lightly pulled me to a cushioned throne, sitting me down. "So here's what's going to happen. People are going to come up to that microphone, and they are going to give you plenty of love. Genuine love. And then the next person will go, and so on until everyone has spoken."
"Everyone here? Like, all hundred plus of you?" I whispered.
"Yes. It's gonna be a while, so get cozy." He laughed, rubbing my shoulders.
Time felt frozen as slowly everyone came up and said something nice about me. Some were quick, mostly just commenting on how nicely I dressed or how the stories I had covered in the past were interesting and thoughtful. But others, it's like they could see into my soul and point out the exact thing I was insecure about. Everyone was complimentary and it was nice, but exhausting.
The line had dwindled down, and the next person to speak was Avery.
She stepped up the microphone, giving me a huge smile. "Hi, Y/N. I know we don't know each other that well, but I feel like I've known you my whole life. These couple days of getting to know you, being interviewed by you, have just been the highlight of my life. You are such a lovely presence to be around, and you deserve all the success you've gotten these last couple years."
Lots of people in the crowd nodded, agreeing with Avery. She continued, taking a deep breath, "I wanted to add - you are so deserving of love. You are easy to love too, and I hope that you are surrounded by people that make you feel that way. I know that this is just a mock ceremony, but I truly believe you would be such a great addition to us. I know you don't trust us, but I hope that soon you will find that you have a safe place here. Even if you never come back here again. This is your home now, and forever will be."
My chest heaved suddenly, tears welling up in my eyes. What the fuck is happening right now? Why was I crying at what she said? Sure, it was sweet and kind, but... how did she know I needed to hear that?
I turned my head, wiping the tears before anyone could see them fall. The crowd clapped as Avery left, going back to her seat.
The last couple people were a blur, my mind still hanging onto Avery's words. Suddenly, a hand was placed on my shoulder, jolting me out of my thoughts. I gazed up, seeing Colby's beautiful face staring down at me.
"The ceremony is done. Now, time to party."
~~~~~~
It had been a couple hours since the ceremony, my body feeling almost numb but jittery all at the same time. It was hard to shake all the love and words that were thrown my way today. Sure, some were probably just lying and saying random things because they had to, because they were conditioned to. But it freaked me out how some just... hit the right spots, knew my insecurities.
The party itself was fine. Two of the houses had parties happening in them, and since all three houses were connected, you could leave one and walk into another. There was a dancefloor full of people, and multiple fully stocked bars. Tons of food was at each table. It honestly looked like an adult prom. But I wasn't in a partying mood. Trey, on the other hand, was enjoying himself immensely. Girls and guys surrounded him, laughing at his jokes and bringing him plates of food and wine. One girl kept rubbing his thigh, staring at him longingly.
I wanted to leave. I had had enough of today, and I just wanted to be as far away from Empathic Love as I could be. I decided fresh air was what I needed, so I got up and slid out the back door of one of the houses, taking a deep breath. There were still too many people around, but I noticed the last house, the one with Colby's office in it, had no lights on and no one around it. I walked through the yards, stopping once I was by the back porch of the third house.
I sighed, leaning back against a railing. I could still hear the party going on, almost getting louder now that I wasn't there. I shook my head, feeling overwhelmed.
“Hey, Y/N. Fancy seeing you here." Colby's voice broke through my thoughts.
I exhaled. “Hi, Colby.”
He cocked his head, “Are you doing okay? You seem... upset.”
I felt this sudden rush of anger, knowing in reality he was to blame for all of this. “No, I'm not doing alright. I want to go home, I'm extremely overwhelmed by this party and all the people around here. That ceremony was too much for me to deal with, and the only way for me to get out of here is Trey and he's getting rubbed down by your followers!”
He took a step back, putting his hands up defensively. “Woah, that was a lot. You must have needed that release.”
I glared, “You think?”
“Look, I get it. It's a lot to take in. I myself don't love going to all these parties. It can be really overwhelming and if I'm honest, it gives me a lot of anxiety,” he admitted casually.
“You get anxiety?” I scoffed, “How? Everyone here loves you.”
“I know. That's the stressful part!” He sat on the railing, turning to me. “I'm the leader of this family. I have to make all the right decisions, and sometimes that means upsetting some of the people closest to me. Not to mention, so many eyes are on me, and it's just all too much sometimes. Even if you think this group is a cult, I still care for everyone here. I make sure they are fed, have a job, and have a life outside of here. And that's a lot to take on.”
“How do you deal with all of it, then?” I questioned.
“Patience. And a lot of alone time when I can get it - through meditation, specifically,” he laughed. “I was actually going to go meditate before I found you. Would you like to join me?”
I shook my head. “No, I'm good.”
“Are you sure? Look, at the very least, it will get you away from the party and all the noise. You don't even have to join me, you can just... sit in the room with me while I do it.” He argued, shrugging his shoulders.
I gazed at the party, everyone had grew rowdier while we were talking, and I didn't even notice. But my head felt like it was spinning from the noise alone. I sighed, nodding my head. Colby smiled, opening the door to the house, and I walked in first. I followed him up to his office, sitting down on his couch as he sat in the center of the room on the floor.
I raised an eyebrow. “That's where you meditate?”
“Yeah, I know it's a bit silly. But I feel so much more grounded... on the ground.” He replied cheekily.
I snickered, sitting back and watching him. He crossed his legs, resting his palms on his knees. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He took multiple breaths until they were low and shallow. I furrowed my brow, my eyes never leaving his form.
It almost seemed like he was asleep, or in a hypnosis of some sort. He was completely still and silent. A dull glow appeared at the top of his head, growing brighter and larger. I leaned away from him, my eyes widening at the sight. What the fuck is that...?
An aura grew around him, surrounding him completely. He didn't move, unfazed by it. His eyes remained closed, and with each breath it grew.
"How... are you doing that?" I uttered, my mouth a gape.
"Doing what?" He spoke in a monotone voice.
"That... aura. How are you doing that?" I pressed.
“I've always been able to do it since I was young. You can get closer if you want to.” He suggested.
How did he know I was still far away?
I stepped off the couch, moving closer to him. I kept my distance, but the aura was almost pulling me in. It was beautiful, the light reflecting and growing bigger. I was almost engulfed by it, but it stopped right before getting to me. I could feel its warmth, its energy. It was calling to me, beckoning me to step towards it.
The aura wrapped around me, filling me with light and love. Or at least that's what it felt like. I gasped at the sensation, my legs shaking underneath me. I breathed in deeply, my lungs filling up with fresh air. I didn't feel like I was in the room anymore. I felt like I was flying, the world almost zooming around me.
“Let your body relax, Y/N. I know it's so much to take in.” Colby’s calming voice spoke.
I felt my body give out on me, falling onto the soft rug. I laid down on my back, staring up at the ceiling. Visions began to swirl in my mind and around me.
How is any of this happening?
He answered, reading my mind. “Because of me. Because of us. Because of the connection you and I share.”
My body felt very heavy, unable to move even if I wanted to. I could move my eyes, and out of the corner of them, I saw Colby stand up. The aura remained around us, almost engulfing the entire room.
“You know, I knew the moment you stepped foot on to the compound's grounds, you were going to like it here. You were going to stay.” He smiled sincerely, gazing down at my body.
I blinked, confused. “What? I-I don't plan to-“
He cut me off, “This is the final step, Y/N. Everyone gave you love, people celebrated you, and now... I'm allowing you in.”
I wanted to shake my head, but couldn’t. “But I don't want to join.”
He chuckled, “Yes you do. If you didn't want it, none of this would have worked on you. You wouldn't be seeing what is directly in front of your eyes.”
The visions morphed around me, suddenly showing Colby and I. But we weren't us, we were different people, at a different point in time. But I could feel it was us. We were in love, growing a family together. Our lives were beautiful.
What the fuck is this?
“That is our past, or present, or future,” he winked. “The thing is, Y/N, I never seek out anyone. They all seem to find me.”
“That's not true, you emailed my boss about being interviewed.” I remarked.
"Oh, you are so forgetful, Y/N. You emailed us, begging to interview me and anyone else that said yes. I only agreed because I knew you wanted to meet with me. You sounded very eager to join in your email." Colby pulled out a piece of paper, reading from it happily, "Dear whoever reads this, I'm hoping to score an interview with your group, Empathic Love, for an article I am writing. I would love to meet Colby, and really pick apart his brain on why he created said group. Maybe I could even join if you guys win me over. Please let me know if any of this sounds of interest to you. Sincerely, Y/N of Global Gazette."
He leaned down, staring into my eyes mischievously, "Now does that sound like someone that didn't want to be here?"
My heart raced, suddenly scared. “Why don't I remember writing that?”
“I couldn't tell you. All I know is you wanted to be here. And there's a reason for it.” He sat down on the ground next to me. I wanted to get up and run, but my body stayed still, heavy. “Growing up, I realized very early on that certain people just... gravitated to me. A lot of women, yes. But really it was anyone. And not only did they gravitate towards me, they became obsessed with me. At first, I was confused, uninterested in ever going through that. Who wants someone obsessed with them? But then I realized how much good I could do with so many people rallying behind me.”
He continued, “As I got older, my ability, or power, or whatever it is - grew twice as strong. Suddenly, all the people around me followed me, did anything and everything I could ask for. Then, I began getting visions, and I understood why this was the case. Everyone here: we had a past life together. Their souls and mine have always been connected. They find me and then continue to stay. And almost always, they fall in love with me. It's just so glorious.”
“You're insane.” I mumbled.
He hummed, “Interesting, especially since you’re seeing the same things I am.”
It was true. The whole time he spoke, I saw vision after vision of our past lives together. We were always destined to meet, destined to be with one another.
“But the thing is, I know you're different from all the rest. You and I, we are meant to be together forever. You are meant to love me forever, and I am meant to love you. That's why my abilities affect you so greatly.” Colby divulged.
“What if I say no? What if I want to leave?” I grunted, trying to shake free.
“You've had the ability to go all this time. You just don't want to. You know how much love I can give you. You know how much pleasure I can give you as well.” He bit his lip, his eyes snaking up and down my body, “You've known that since yesterday, haven't you?”
Blood rushed to my cheeks, memories of yesterday played in my head.
“And do you know what’s crazy about that? That's not even half the pleasure I can give you.” Colby kneeled next to me, a devilish smile on his lips. His hand lightly brushed my face, cupping my warm cheek sweetly.
A burst of arousal raced through me, my body spasming in ecstasy. “Oh my God!”
“I know, it's a lot to take in. But I just want to make you feel good, darling. You deserve it.” He leaned in slowly, “You are mine, after all.”
"This is what your followers meant by a deep and sensual mental connection," I groaned, feeling hands all over my body, touching me in the most lustful of ways. "You got inside their heads and mentally fucked them."
“...That's one way of wording it. But if they didn't trust me, if they didn't already want me, it wouldn't happen.” He winced playfully, “So in reality, it's your fault.”
“Fuck you.” I growled.
“But baby, that's what's happening,” Colby laughed darkly. “Those hands, those kisses and bites... that's all mine. I can tell you're losing it. You want me real bad, but you don't want to admit it. I get it, you’re overwhelmed.”
I felt like my body was getting electrocuted with pleasure. My hips grinded into the air, needing some form of relief. My nipples strained against my bra, wanting any form of touch. I closed my eyes tightly, embarrassment rolling through me as I felt my damp panties against my sex.
Fuck, he was right. I did want this, and him.
I didn't even need to say it out loud. Suddenly I felt a cock slid inside of me, too easily from how wet I had become. I ripped my eyes open, looking around. Colby was watching me from his chair, smirking.
He palmed his hardening dick through his jeans. “Imagine how much better it would be if I was actually inside of you, filling you up with every. fucking. inch.”
I thought about screaming Trey’s name. Maybe he could help me.
He grimaced, rolling his eyes. “He won’t do anything for you, sweetheart. He joined our group just a couple weeks ago. Right around the time you sent the email. So really, you have all the more reason to join us.”
“Even if I join this cult, I will never stay here. I will leave here and never come back.” I hissed.
“And that is your choice to make. But Y/N,” his gaze lowered at me, his eyes intense. “You will never be satisfied. You got barely a taste of what I can offer you, and you're gonna want it forever. Just like everyone else here.”
“You're a- fuuuuuucckk!” I moaned, the cock inside of me hitting my spot deeper. I caught my breath, glaring at him. “Y-You're a freak.”
“Says the girl almost coming to my invisible dick.” He spat, clenching his jaw.
I bit my lip, annoyed at how right he was. The hands exploring my body gripped my ass, slapping it lustfully.
“Okay, okay. I'll agree with you. I am a bit of a freak of nature. But let's not act like I'm some monster. I let people leave. But they always come back because they choose to. I can't force people that far. Pinky promise,” He stuck his pinky out, and I rolled my eyes defiantly. He huffed, “It's not like this place is Scientology, for Christ's sake. We are love. I am love.”
“You are the most tainted form of love that I've ever met.” I retorted, gripping the rug to hide my building arousal.
He deadpanned, “Ow. That hurt.”
Colby strutted over to me, laying down right beside me. The pleasure grew more intense, my hips bucking desperately. His one hand hovered over me, never touching me. It didn't matter, because having him this close felt like his whole body was on top of mine, fucking me hastily.
“If you allow yourself to enjoy this feeling, you might actually come. Because I won't force you to. I'll just keep you here, for hours, riving in pleasure until your brain melts into goo.” He smirked, “How's that sound?”
"I-I hate you." I gritted my teeth. Why did I feel like I was lying?
"No you don't. But soon you'll be able to admit the truth." He leaned his mouth in close, his voice low and sincere, "I know that this place might not be what you imagined your home to be like, but it is. You will always have a place here. You will always be loved here. And I know that's what you want deep down. To be loved unconditionally. To have every fiber of your being satisfied. And if you let me, I will do that. I will please you every night, however you want me to. But for me to do that, you have to let me in. You have to let love in."
The cock inside of me pounded faster and faster. I could barely think anymore. The only thing on my mind... was him. The lives we had together, the life we could be having. I knew I shouldn't want it, but I did. I wanted him in my life, forever. He was what was missing, and I couldn't live one more day without him.
I mewled loudly, my hips thrusting up erotically. Colby's hand cupped my face gently, turning my head to look him in the eyes.
His alluring eyes stared deep into mine, his jaw clenched. "You will always be mine. I am love, and that is all you could ask for."
"You are love, and that's all I could ask for." I repeated mindlessly, grabbing onto his arm desperately.
His face softened, “That's right baby. You're such a good girl for me. My good girl, forever. You want that, don't you?”
“Yessss, please Colby. I want to be yours forever.” I keened.
"You will be. I promise, you will always be mine." His eyes darkened, the pupils almost completely blown out. "You will never leave."
"I won't!" I trembled, my orgasm building closer and closer to the edge.
“You wanna come, Y/N? Get close for me. Don't I feel so good inside of you? You like when I do this?” Colby's hand snaked down my body, rubbing my clit sensually.
I begged wantonly, dying to come. "Pleaseeeeee! Please let me come! I need it! I need you."
"Of course you do, baby. You and I need each other. Our connection is unlike anyone else's. Tell me the truth and I'll let you come." He leaned in close, his lips brushing against my ear, "Tell me, baby. Say it..."
"I love you," I cried out, right on the edge. I direly wanted him to say it back, knowing it was already the truth.
“I love you too, baby,” he smiled sweetly, kissing my cheek. “Now, come for me.”
Hot, white pleasure shot through my body. I had the strongest orgasm of my life, my mind shattering as I rode every wave of pleasure that went through me. Colby stayed by my side, shushing me as my high lowered down more and more. He kept whispering 'I love you' repeatedly, my mind unable to hear or think anything else after a while.
I blacked out at some point but awoke when my body was lifted off the floor and placed softly into a bed. “Wha... happenin?” I slurred.
“Relax, darling. I just brought you to my bed. Well, our bed now,” he chuckled. “I want you to get your rest because tomorrow is a big day for you.”
“What's tomorrow?” I murmured.
“Your introduction to everyone as my soulmate.” Colby informed happily, tucking me in. “Everyone will be so pleased that you changed your mind about joining us.”
I nodded my head, snuggling deep into his bed. He dimmed the lights, whispering softly, "Welcome home, Y/N."
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falkarph · 9 months
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ELDEN RING STARTERS
rp prompts taken from the video game elden ring by fromsoftware. some have been edited.
❛ death has left its mark once again. ❜ ❛ the talk, i surmise, is of you. ❜ ❛ i feel as if i've been in your debt from beginning to end. ❜ ❛ don't you dare. unless you want to die like a dog. ❜ ❛ not only are you incompetent, but shameless to boot. ❜ ❛ i apologise for any offence given by my bearing, but i'm quite unable to move, you see. ❜ ❛ i just wanted to get the apology out of the way, beforehand. since you're so scary and all. ❜ ❛ oh, my dear... had a change of heart already? ❜ ❛ i see. then you must kill me. ❜ ❛ beautifully fought. my thanks, 'twas more of a challenge than i envisioned. ❜ ❛ i want to be like everyone else, but i'm just too scared. ❜ ❛ are you so far out of your mind with fear... you've divested yourself of all reason? ❜ ❛ it is safe here. you may let down your guard. ❜ ❛ you are fated, it seems, to die in obscurity. ❜ ❛ someone must extinguish your flame. ❜ ❛ i suppose you'd like to know then? what awaits you on the path ahead? ❜ ❛ you will witness true horror. ❜ ❛ forgive me, i've been ... testing you. ❜ ❛ no secrets lie with me, not a one. ❜ ❛ you, yeah, you there! stop pretending you can't see me. ❜ ❛ you bloody halfwit. picking a fight with a dragon? ❜ ❛ a man cannot kill a god. ❜ ❛ perhaps it is foolish to say this to you of all people, but i am sure of my skill with the sword. ❜ ❛ if it's on the cards, i'd be glad to meet again. ❜ ❛ though the suffering cannot be undone, i can still mete out justice. ❜ ❛ never met someone with a taste for crab i couldn't trust. ❜ ❛ and when the fighting is done, then you may lay me to rest. ❜ ❛ honestly, i don't know what's going on anymore ... ❜ ❛ i know... i'm asking you to commit a cardinal sin. ❜ ❛ the depths of wickedness never fail to surprise me. ❜ ❛ perhaps before my departure, i needed someone to say farewell to. ❜ ❛ i always resented these hands. their pale complexion, a far cry from any warrior's. ❜ ❛ tell me a story... about the big, wide world... ❜ ❛ kill me, please... ❜ ❛ i hope you understand the weight of my words. ❜ ❛ what are you waiting for? a kiss goodbye? ❜
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fanaticsnail · 6 months
Note
Snail I need you to know I got struck with the most heinous inspiration for a Buggy smut that I am cooking up rn but bc it will be a while let me set the scene
Picture this; Buggy so enamored with someone that he hasn't had sex with anyone else, and every time he masturbates he's imagining them.
So by the time they have sex he quickly realizes he's not going to last. He keeps trying to subtly stop and readjust without letting them know but they catch on and ask what's wrong. He confessed and they assure him that they want him - in whatever way he'll be, but he's not fully convinced.
They joke that if they are that desperate they can always just use him.
And both of them notice how much he likes the sound of that.
So they pick up again, only this time he's not holding back - he wants to cum early so he can watch them use him for their own pleasure like a sex toy. He's begging them to describe how they'd use him, and they do.
They mention his devil fruit powers and how they could always use him as a dildo, or detach his head and ride his face, or both at the same time. Just hearing them describe it makes him cum but he doesn't even let himself finish cumming fully before he's trying to talk through his moans, begging them to use him. He doesn't care if it hurts, he wants it to hurt, he wants to bring them pleasure at his own expense.
They detach his dick - still inside them - and ride his face. He's mostly just sucking their clit, he doesn't care that he's tasting himself because the more he slurps away his own cum the more he can taste them. Until they start humping his face more and he opens his mouth around the base of his dick to stabilize it for them. The image giving him fantasies of them using him another way by fucking his face with his own dick. The more he feels their frothy slit around the base of his cock on his lips the hungrier he gets to feel it himself, so he detaches his tongue and sends it up there. Shouting around himself at the overstimulating sensation of his own tongue wriggling past his shaft through the hot, tight warmth. Finally, he finds their G-spot and abuses it as they grin their clit into his nose. Not caring that the more they tighten around him the more it hurts.
When he feels them cum he does too. When all of a sudden they start squirting and he immediately opens his mouth to latch around their pussy and catch it, feeling betrayed when he realizes his tongue is still inside so he doesn't get to taste it in his mouth.
Once they stop shaking from the aftershocks his dismembered body pries their legs further apart and rips out his dick, his tongue flying to join back with his mouth before it presses tightly shut around his prize. Uncaring as his own warm spend leaks onto his face he moans as he finally gets to taste it.
"More."
The two successive orgasms plus the sudden rush of cold air on his wet dick makes him burn with overstimulation, but he doesn't care.
"Please, baby, use me more." his head tries to chase you as you collapse beside his head, legs unable to hold yourself up anymore. "Please? Take my dick with you, or take my tongue, you always say I talk too much, please-"
His makeup is so smeared.
"please, keep using me, don't leave me, don't let me go, don't care if it hurts. Want it to hurt. Wanna feel you when I walk-"
You've created a monster
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Snail.
Snail.
SNAIL.
You can't just go around and say these things and expect me to go ahead and pretend that everything is fine. My goodness. SNAIL. I am absolutely amazed. Gobsmacked. This is bloody spicy. Bloody hell. Oh my gosh.
The way you've set the scene right off the bat is impeccable, truly. I was immediately left too stunned to speak. I was assembling dinner and was like: "Oh? I got an ask? Oh it's from that beautiful Snail! That sweet, beautiful, lovely Snail who always has such kind thoughts and words to share. Oh let me see what they've got to- OH, WHAT THE FUCK, OH MY GOSH, BLOODY HELL!!!"
Had to take a minute to compose myself before I got back to cooking my cassoulet 💀. I had to perch atop my kitchen counter for a bit. Heights brings me an aura of calm 👌.
When you drop the full fic, you have to tag me, love. Oh my gosh.
Everyone. Everyone. Look at what the amazing @sexc-snail is whittling. I'm still stunned.
@feral-artistry @sordidmusings @writingmysanity @since-im-already-here @lostfirefly @vespidphoenix @carrotsunshine look at this!!!
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Text
secret keeper | m. schumacher
pairing: mick schumacher x driver!teammate!reader word count: 2.1k words (i really wanted all of these to be short lol sorry) request: don’t think so! prompt: doing secret santa ⎯ “just tell me who got me.” from this prompt list. not my prompts, credits to the person who created it!warnings: kinda crack!fic, idk. language, really fluffy, seb being great, special appearance by the spanish speaking gang (i had to). reader speaks spanish in this. a/n: here’s day 2! i hope you like it, pls let me know what you think! reminder that my requests are closed.
my masterlist
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(you'll know why i chose this gif later lol)
doing secret santa was the most exciting part of the year for her. it was something so silly and it made her so happy, the thought of having someone actually think deep about what they felt she’d really enjoy was a thrilling one.
something she didn’t quite like about secret santa was that first part. the secret. whilst she did like surprises, and there were only a few limited options as to who might give her something, the anticipation was too much for her. 
her teammate, mick, had made a bet with himself, to see how long it’d take her to either figure out or start interrogating everyone until they told her who her secret santa was. at first he gave it ten minutes, but he laughed to himself as he watched her.
they were doing the standard start-of-year interviews, the drivers’ goals and predictions, and the secret santa name draw. mick had already finished his, and was waiting for her so they could go and have lunch together. normally they’d wait longer to do the name draw, but last year the organizers had left it till the last minute, and they didn’t want to risk it this time. plus, they’d have a whole season ahead of them to think really well about the gift.
“okay, (y/n), i’ve got this santa hat here-” the interviewer said, showing her the hat.
“ooh, christmas in march, i like it!” she laughed.
“and in here there’s the names of the other drivers available for the gift exchange,” she nodded at the interviewer.
“i like that we’re doing this right at the start of the season,” she chuckled, grabbing the hat by the white fluff, the pom pom hanging down, “but i can assure you, more than one person will wait until the day before to get their gift,” the people around her laughed, mick did, too. “why are you laughing? did you feel called out?” she asked mick, raising an eyebrow. a camera panned to him, shaking his head at her.
“i already know what i’m going to get,”
“ooh, tell me, tell me!” she rushed to him, moving her hair away from her ear. he leaned in, presing his lips close to her ear.
“no.”
she rolled her eyes, slapping the back of his head. 
“did you get seb?” she asked walking back to the spot where she was supposed to be, where all the cameras were ready to record her. she hadn’t arrived in time to see his secret santa segment, so she’d have to find out another way.
“i’m not going to tell you!” he laughed, as the interviewer shook her head.
“you’re not supposed to tell each other, or anyone,” she clarified. 
“ugh, fine.” she laughed, “sorry,” she apologized, and placed her hand in, “wait, then he should leave! or he’ll know who i get,” she pointed an accusatory finger at him. “what if i get him?”
“someone else already got mick,” the interviewer clarified, and her shoulders slumped a little, it wasn’t a lie that the two of them were the closest friends and teammates, but she wouldn’t let that discourage her. 
“dang it, what am i going to do with all those treats i got for angie, then?” she teased, mick laughed. “so sorry, i know this is taking way longer than it should’ve. i promise i’ll focus now.” she nodded, “you can stay, just promise not to tell anyone,” she told mick, who pretended to zip his lips together.
she ran her fingers through all the folded pieces of paper, finally picking one that called to her. she unfolded it, her eyes opening wide as she read. 
“hell yes!” she skipped from one foot to the other, jumping in excitement, “i got seb!” she declared happily, showing the paper to everyone. “ha-ha!” she mocked mick, who only rolled his eyes as he laughed. the two of them were the best of friends. they grew up together, and had been teammates since they were in f3, somehow they always found their way back to each other. suddenly her eyes snapped open, “did you get me?” she gasped. mick shook his head. “did he get me?” she asked the rest of the crew behind the cameras, who only laughed at her eagerness, but didn’t answer. “fine, if you could just tell whoever got me that my favorite color is blue, that would be great, thanks!”
-
months passed and as the end of season approached, her relentlessness to know who her secret santa was came back with as much as before. this time, mick wasn’t her only victim.
it started in mexico city, when she was walking alongside charles and lando, and someone from charles’ team approached him.
“hey, charles, just to remind you that the deadline for the secret santa gift is in brazil.” he said, leaving them after that.
“you haven’t turned in your gift?” she asked, she’d done it the week before, when she was finally done packing the perfect gift for sebastian. her mentor. 
“i honestly forgot about it,” he said, lando laughed, drinking from his water bottle. something shifted in her eyes as an idea popped in her head.
“well, i could help you!” she offered, blinking slowly to gain his attention.
“really?” he asked, feeling like a weight was being lifted off his shoulders, “thanks i honestly didn’t know what to get-” he was about to say the name of his secret santa, but lando elbowed him on the ribs.
“you can’t say it!” he scolded him, chuckling at her enraged face.
“lando you ass! he was about to tell me!” she grunted, grabbing charles’ face and directing his eyes to her. “tell me charles, who’s your secret santa?”
“no! i can’t say,” he shook his head, feeling something in the pit of his stomach as her eyes narrowed. 
“did you get me? do you know who got me?” she asked, shaking his shoulders dramatically. lando laughed, charles was trying his hardest to keep a straight face. 
“no, and no!” he said, she grunted, and moved on to lando.
“do you know, norris?” she asked.
“no. i don’t know. and i didn’t get you.”
“you didn’t?” she asked, at least if he denied it she could tick him off his list.
“i don’t know,” he said, shrugging and smiling sheepishly. 
she punched his shoulder and walked away, both drivers hurried after her. 
-
finally, in abu dhabi things got a little bit sweeter. the dinner to honor sebastian was a perfect opportunity for her to really tick people off her list of suspects, up until that point the only person off her list was herself. she hadn’t made that much progress. she had to be smart about it, she couldn’t just straight up ask someone about it, much less if her friends were listening to her.
thankfully, as they were about to leave and were all gathering to take a picture, they all started talking about their agendas for the next day.
“i’m doing the secret santa thing early tomorrow, thankfully,” she heard fernando say, in spanish, he was talking to the other spanish-speakers of the grid. she thanked the stars for her stubbornness, and her parents for listening to her when she said she wanted to learn as many languages as she could. spanish, of course, french, italian, english, and german. this was her shot, and if she were alone, she would’ve grinned like the grinch. she approached them, slowly, and listened to them. “after that i’m completely free.”
“free of what?” she popped in.
“media duties,” he explained, smiling.
“ugh, i’m busy all day. i think they left my secret santa segment for last.”
“well, of course, everyone knows how much you love that thing,” checo said.
“that’s true, i know,” she chuckled. “did you guys struggle to get your gift?”
“not really, mine is an inside joke with max,” checo shrugged, the name slipping from his lips without him noticing.
“aw that’s nice,” she smiled, feeling carlos looking at her.
“i’m not going to tell you who i got.”
“why? did you get me?” she tried, but carlos shook his head.
“i don’t mind, if it will help you sleep better. i didn’t get you,” fernando admitted, she looked at him gratefully.
“see, carlos? that’s what a good friend does!” she pointed at fernando, “thank you.”
mick called her name, she excused herself and walked to him, feeling his arm around her shoulders. 
“what are you doing?” he asked accusatorily. 
“we can tick checo and fernando off my list,” she gave him a smug smile, clearly content with her work for the night.
“you’re just not letting this go are you?” he asked, amused at her stubbornness, it didn’t surprise him, he knew her like the back of his hand, but it was still nice to see her trying her hardest to figure this out.
“this all can end if you just tell me who got me.” she said, leaning her head against his shoulder as everyone else gathered around, getting ready for the group picture. 
“you’ll know tomorrow. don’t worry.” he reassured her. she sighed.
-
the next day, mick and (y/n) were like two kids, she’d wanted to watch seb open the present she got him, and had convinced mick to help her make it happen in a way that wouldn’t be so obvious. it didn’t take that much to find a way to stay and watch seb.
they just found him as they walked pass, and asked if they could stay. the lady in charge of all of the f1 media just asked them to stay quiet.
“oh, this is very nice,” seb smiled as he took out the first present, “didn’t we have like $30 limit?” he chuckled, (y/n) and mick laughed too. the last gift was a dead giveaway, a picture of her, mick, and seb. when the two young drivers were just kids, barely starting karting against each other. it was from the first time they met sebastian in a “professional” environment. “oh, well, i think i know who this is from,” he grinned, his eyes darting to the two of them, with mick confused and (y/n) with a big smile on her face. he showed the picture to the camera, a different camera panning to the two haas drivers. “judging by their faces i’d say this is from (y/n),” he guessed. 
she nodded her head, and walked to him when he opened his arms for her. they hugged each other, she was going to miss him so much. he’d always been there for her. all throughout her career and her personal life. she looked up to him, admired him and everything he worked for, what he stood for. 
“thank you, dear, i loved all of my gifts,” she smiled, proud of herself. 
“thank you for everything you’ve done for me,” 
-
after an excruciatingly long day, it was her turn to film her secret santa section.
“i really hope you add a special montage of every time i’ve risked my life, and others’, trying to figure out who got me in this gift exchange,” she only half-joked, but it helped ease the mood with everyone around. mick, as usual, was sitting next to her, on the other side of the cameras.
“we’ll make sure of it,” the f1 producer nodded, making a mental note to check all the footage. once the cameras started rolling officially, she got her signature smile on, “(y/n), welcome to the 2022 f1 secret santa. i know this is something you’ve been looking forward all year long,” she nodded her head, “i won’t make you wait much longer so, here you go,” she was handed a small box, and her first instinct was to shake it to see if it made any noise.
“i hear a faint jingling.” she said, unwrapping the blue ribbon around the black box. “it’s blue! thanks santa!” she smiled, remembering the comment she’d made about her favorite color. “oh, whoa-” her eyes widened as she saw the gift. it was a necklace, with the outline of a track hanging in the middle. “it’s spa!” she giggled, recognizing the twists and turns. “oh my god, this is so nice, i-” her eyes widened as she stared at it, a light flush had creeped its way up to her cheeks. “oh, gosh, i-” she was at a loss for words, she was expecting maybe a gift that was partly a joke, or something small. this was too much. “i don’t think i can accept this.”
“do you have any clue as to who it might be?” they asked her, she was still too shocked to think.
“no. well, i mean the only person that pops in my head that might be this thoughtful is either mick or seb, but i guess maybe charles, too? i know he’s sponsored by a jewelry company,”
“you’re so close,” they told her. 
“pierre?” she guessed, it didn’t really make sense, he didn’t know that spa was her favorite track, well, to her knowledge.
“not quite,” she sighed.
“i don’t know. i-” she turned her head, seeing mick looking at her, throughout the entire time he could feel his eyes on her, it wasn’t anything different. but she saw a faint blush on his cheeks, his ears. “oh my god. no. are you shitting me?” she asked him, directly, not even looking at the cameras. “it was you? it’s been you this entire time?” she asked. and mick couldn’t hide it anymore, he smiled, nodding. “mick!” she ran to him, he stood up as she approached him and she jumped in his arms. “thank you, i love it,” she said.
“i’m glad you liked it,” he said, suddenly becoming shy under all of the stares.
once she returned to her spot, she couldn’t wipe the grin off her face. her fingers were playing with the chain that now hung from her neck. 
“how’d you know it was mick?” they asked her.
“well, not many people know that my favorite track is spa. i mean, they probably wouldn’t think it is given my bad luck there,” she said, referring to the fiasco last year and her dnf of that year after having a great race. “and he blushes a lot,” she added, chuckling. 
they hurried the rest of the video, as she thanked him once more, this time in front of the cameras. 
-
“i should’ve known,” she said as she shook her head. “i knew there was a reason you weren’t telling me.”
“ah, well, i had to keep the secret,” he chuckled. 
“i really love this, mick, thank you. you really didn’t have to get me something so…”
“oh, you’ll just have to wait and see what i’ve got in store for christmas,” he smiled, leaving her stunned there as he kept walking.
“what do you mean? you got my gift already?!” she asked, rushing to him again.
“i don’t know,” he shrugged, “maybe,” he said as he got into the elevator.
“what is it? can you give me a clue?” she asked.
“hmm… i can just say you’re going to love it,” mick smiled, already looking forward to their christmas trip, one that could possibly change the course of their friendship, possibly changing to something more. being her secret santa wasn’t the only secret mick was keeping.
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thisonelikesaliens · 4 months
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jt620123 ig 05.02.24
the producer/writer of the show posted her take on this scene in ep11, sort of her vision/expansion of what was shown on screen. below the cut because this is LONG, and also big big disclaimer I AM NOT A WRITER WRITING IS HARD i tried my best to translate the intent and spirit of this piece but i apologize in advance for the zero finesse
@abstractelysium this is for you
Pushing open the door where he was sitting at waiting to be let in all those years ago, Wei Zhi Yuan pulled Wei Qian after him and headed straight up the stairs, but Wei Qian stopped.
Growing up, how many times had they walked up these stairs? Going up the stairs today would change everything, so how could Wei Qian take this step without thinking it through?
Wei Zhi Yuan felt Wei Qian's pause so he pulled, but instead Wei Qian let go.
Wei Zhi Yuan looked down at his empty hand, then looked up and saw how lost Wei Qian was. Wei Qian looked up and saw surprise on Wei Zhi Yuan's face at being let go, then looked down and saw his own cowardice. Neither one dared to move, stuck on the precipice of a major shift in their relationship.
"You already came home with me, why aren't you coming up with me?"
"You pulled me all the way. How can I go up without talking this through?"
"Do you really not understand? I want you--" the resolute determination in Wei Zhi Yuan's voice caused Wei Qian to panic and interrupt.
"What do you want from me?" Wei Qian knew he was still trying to find a way out, as if as long as they didn't lay all the cards on the table he could still pretend nothing had changed between them. He understood clearly what Wei Zhi Yuan wanted, but was he capable of giving him everything he deserved?
Wei Zhi Yuan understood Wei Qian's hesitation. This was his brother! The man he had been holding in his heart all these years! If he let Wei Qian run all the way back into his shell there would be no more coaxing him out. At this point there was no turning back and there was no way they could go back to being just brothers. So Wei Zhi Yuan gave a final push.
He took a step down and moved closer to Wei Qian, eyes locked on his target.
"What do I want from you? Wei Qian, have you not thought about it?"
Wei Zhi Yuan continued to step forward, causing Wei Qian to step back.
"I want you to not only be my brother. I want you to be with me the rest of our lives. I want you to rely on me no matter what happens."
Wei Qian stepped back, until he had nowhere else to go.
"Yes or no?"
Wei Qian looked into Wei Zhi Yuan's eyes, and for the first time he didn't flinch and saw his own reflection in Yuan's eyes. Back then, a steamed bun, a bento box, a jacket, and this kid with sharp spines like a hedgehog followed him home. Now, that kid had grown taller than him, stubborn to a fault, but sometimes so soft-hearted it made him worry.
"Ge, one day I will be taller and stronger than you. By that time you can rely on me. Let me stand by your side, okay?"
When Wei Zhi Yuan had asked that time when he was still little, Wei Qian only patted his head and shrugged it off.
It took Wei Qian a long time to finally understand. Wei Zhi Yuan could lose everything, but he would never, ever let go of Wei Qian. What did he ever do to be loved by someone with such a bright future ahead, who could easily find someone better than him? Wei Qian realized he stopped thinking of Wei Zhi Yuan as just his brother a long time ago. He couldn't imagine a life without his Yuan anymore, and the regret if something were to happen scared him more than anything else. Life was too short and too fragile, and he did not want to waste any more time to acknowledge what Wei Zhi Yuan truly meant to him.
Wei Qian squeezed his fist as if he finally came to a decision and nodded.
"Yes."
"Yes, what?"
It was Wei Zhi Yuan's turn to hesitate. He wanted to scream, but he was afraid he misunderstood. He needed to make sure Wei Qian was not saying yes as a compromise.
"I want you, but I don't want your pity or compromise. Wei Qian, I'm not forcing you!"
"You didn't force me. I just thought it through."
"Ge, is this what you really want? Or are you accommodating me?"
Wei Qian sighed, and took action to chase away Wei Zhi Yuan's doubts when his words could not. He pulled Yuan towards him and kissed him softly, with just a hint of awkwardness.
"I'm not accommodating, you know your Ge…"
Wei Qian swallowed the rest of his words when Wei Zhi Yuan kissed him back fiercely.
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