#(*absolutely* funny enough to earn a drawing :P)

[soriastrider]

the result of more cat dirk discussion... cat boy encounters dog girl, chaos ensues

[@lemon-protection-squad: now i can see jake doing the auspisticism eyes when his grandma/granddaughter is barking at some high furniture his husband has climbed and is hissing at her from

me: imagine dirk climbing a giant pile of furniture that he assembled via flashstep and perching on the very top while jade runs in circles around it

me: jake walks in like “what the godforsaken blasted FRIG are you two doing”]

[sneezefiction]

dreaming of you

Sugawara x Reader - Scenario

@0hakaashi‘s request: “can I request suga with #11 (dreams)? ty💕”

a/n: sometimes you write fluff... sometimes that fluff is sickeningly sweet and makes you want to cry out of pure comfort and warmth. have a little taste of that with Sugawara tonight, my loves <3

warnings: none!

wc: 1750

---

Sugawara’s apartment has seen some pretty crazy things.

It witnessed that wild, drunk dancing phase of yours that knocked over way more than just a few breakable items. Your first kisses as a couple and endless domestic, morning pecks with the ever-so gentle boy. It watched as a multitude of sleepovers went from being strict study nights to early morning giggles thanks to distractions like a new song release, Napoleon Dynamite dance routine attempts, and melted ice cream on cherry-tinted lips.

The poster-covered walls knew you better than some of your closest friends. You’d left your mark there. With little, accidental chips and water-stains on wooden furniture. On that old, grey carpet that caught several pain-induced tears, while the rest of your crying was usually muffled by Suga’s thin, white t-shirts. By adding a toothbrush as well as shampoo and conditioner to his bathroom.

You, Sugawara, and this nostalgia-drenched apartment have experienced quite a lot.

And, even if it hasn’t all been perfect, you’ve been lavished in over a year's worth of sunkissed memories. Days that would always start snuggled up under his chin, feeling the reassuring rise and fall of his sturdy chest. With the tenderest of touches, he’d caress your cheek using the back of his hand every morning without fail. Every time you opened your eyes to his chestnut-brown irises, your heart would flutter involuntarily. 

It almost seems fake. That this world, which used to be dull and lifeless, could paint itself into a rainbow of colors only the two of you could see.

Once again, you’re splayed across his bed on your stomach, stopping the gentle sway of your legs and placing your phone down in front of you to see Suga’s silvery tufts of hair, his honey-brown eyes gazing thoughtfully at the ceiling.

You’d spent the night at his place again and, as per usual, the morning is quiet. The first 20 or so minutes filled with stretching, phone-scrolling, and snuggles.

He reaches his slender hands upward, stretching his arms toward the open air of the quiet bedroom.

A heavy, golden stream of sunlight casts the shadow of a window onto your wall, along with the outlines of his fingers and thumbs. But as soon as he loses interest in the gleaming sunrise colors that dripped down his hand, Suga drops his arm and lifts himself up to face you, seeking an answer.

Words as soft as a young bird’s feathers ruffle the silence of the cool air.

“Would you be mad if I got super cheesy right now?” Suga asks cooly, his question genuine.

You tilt your head, a small smirk forming because you’ve seen this face before. It’s the look you got before he lavished you with sweet sayings and almost sickening, lovey-dovey phrases.

You used to fuss at him, flick his forehead, cover your face in embarrassment… the whole nine-yards just to avoid his compliments and the tingly feelings that followed.

“I have a feeling you’re just gonna say it anyways, so you might as well.” You roll your eyes, propping yourself up on your elbows and using the palms of your hands to hold your chin.

“You know me so well.” A cheeky grin spreads across his face.

Suga shifts himself up and over to you as he gently lays his head onto your middle.

It’s a tingly, ticklish sensation. His consistent show of closeness and affection always had you melting into him, like clay being warmed by a careful potter's knowing hands. Your hands automatically start carding through his unreasonably soft hair and he hums into the touch before continuing his thoughts.

“Y/n, you’re so good to me.” He breathes out, beginning to build his web of thoughts.

“Things have just… flowed well for me ever since you came into my life.” Suga tilts his head back into your brushing fingers and strokes your thigh with the back of his hand.

“You always make me laugh, you understand me, and wow are you gorgeous. You’re pretty much perfect.” He says while a smile forms on his visage and heat rises to your own face along with a copycat smile of your own.

But the conversation takes an unusual turn.

“And, well, I dunno...”

“...sometimes it almost feels a bit unreal.”

He huffs out an amused sigh because the words sound much funnier out loud than they did in his head. But he might as well continue. You’ve heard him say much weirder, far more… questionable things.

You tug lightly at his sterling strands. With a soft, “Mhmm,” and an unseen smile, you prompt him to continue.

“I’m serious! You’ve somehow even managed to work your way into my dreams most nights, actually.” He admits, letting out a breathy laugh, your own soft giggle following.

He notes how nice it is to feel you laugh against his head, mentally snap-shotting the moment. But Sugawara wants to add one more thing, twisting the moment slightly. Something that could potentially pause that splendid laughter.

“...so when I wake up, I always wonder if you’ll actually still be there... y’know, with me...” The hand that was once twirling his hair now pauses its movements.

You shift yourself upwards so that you’re sitting with your back snug against the bed’s headboard, moving Suga’s head to be in the center of your lap.

With his face more readily availble to you, you’re now tracing the outline of his features while processing his words, gazing deeply into an unreadable expression.

“So you’re trying to tell me…” You brush a few strands of hair away from his eyes, cocking your head to the side with a look that says, ‘Are you being serious right now?’

“...that because things are going so well right now...”

You lean in closer to his face, which lays perpendicular to your own. “...hell, maybe a little too well...”

“...and because I somehow interfere with your subconscious while you’re asleep…” Your nose brushes gently against his, a small flush coloring his pale skin.

“...that you’re worried I might just up and leave you someday?” You quirk an eyebrow and a small smirk appears on your face.

It was an unfounded insecurity... and most insecurities don’t like to listen to logic.

He averts his gaze, a hint of embarrassment flashing in his eyes.

You hover over his face a little longer before tilting your head to ghost your lips meticulously over his.

Even though you’ve taken the initiative, it’s impossible to not get a little flustered with his minty breath gently fanning over your face. You become acutely aware of the subtle shifting of his hands, pressing ever so slightly into the bed at your close contact.

Suga’s golden-brown eyes close and just as he lifts his head off your lap to steal a kiss, you teasingly lean back earning the sweetest of pouts in return.

At your refusal to appease him, Suga rolls his head to the side, avoiding eye-contact with you.

“Well now I just feel silly.” He sulks, face jokingly downcast and blush lightly tinting the apples of his cheeks.

You can’t help but chuckle softly. Your boyfriend has always been a funny one, but it’s hard for you to believe that he would have so little faith in you. Even if it was a passing doubt, you never wanted him to think that the absence of good times meant that you would leave him too.

Because Suga had made a point of always being there.

Always sticking around. Never leaving you, a teammate, a family member, or even a lost stranger behind. He would take anyone by the hand and lead them to a safe place with utmost care. Hell, you bet that even in his dreams, he would still clasp your fingers tightly with his and not let go unless you absolutely begged him… though you doubt that the dream version of youself would ever be stupid enough to ask Suga to untwine your hand from his.

So you decide to be the cheesy one for a change.

You lean over him once more, but this time you use both of your palms to draw his face toward yours. A beautiful, squinty smile adorns your once teasing expression and greets his soft, pouty one. You proceed by blowing cool air into his eyes, causing him to shut them in mild discomfort, which allows you to sneakily take his lips into yours, melding them together tenderly.

He immediately responds by lifting up one of his hands to caress your face, deepening the sleepy, sunrise kiss.

It’s warm and comforting.

And as though a cool breeze had just brushed over your skin, you feel a shiver run down your arms when Suga gently tugs on your bottom lip with his teeth.

Sitting up a little, Sugawara finds himself taking in your saccharine taste. His thumb pleasantly skims over your cheek causing you to smile slightly, breaking the flow of the slow kiss.

As you pull away, you could almost melt at the adoring gaze Sugawara gifts you with. All he can do is blink gratefully at you while relishing in the rare, precious silence. He’s right in front of you, sitting up just enough for the sunlight to catch his silver hair, gracing it with a shimmering gold halo of sorts.

You let out a contented sigh and lean forward to place your forehead on top of his shoulder, inhaling his clean lavender scent. It’s fresh and soft. A little smoky even? It might be from that cologne you gave him last Christmas. Nostalgia combined with a hint of sweetly fragranced detergent. You hum into his white t-shirt and he rests his cheek onto the side of your head.

At his touch, you simply decide that he smells like home.

“Hey Suga…?” You whisper through the thin fabric of his shirt.

“Hmm?”

“You’re a little weird...” A humorous, closed-mouth smile forms on both of your faces.

“Hey now, I thought we were having a moment?” Suga sighs into your hair, some of the lose strands tickling your ear in the process.

“Let me finish!” You quietly huff in mock exasperation.

He nods and you sink a little deeper into the crook of his neck, prompting him to place his arms around you to pull you closer.

“I was gonna say: you’re a little weird, but I’m glad I’ve somehow made my way into your dreams.”

There’s a pause, a breath, and an exhalation.

“I’m glad because I always want to be with you. Whether it’s here in the real world or up there in your pretty little head.”

---

tags: @cherryonigiri, @yams046, @miss-rin, @shou-kunn, @senkuwu-chan, @super-noya, @stcrryskies, @holaaaf, @sugacookiies, @vintgicals, @moonlightaangel, @starboybokuto

(comment, dm, or send an ask to be added to my general tag list)

[teeztheflag]

─────────────────────

P r i n c e s s

⋆ pairing: mafia!san x reader x mafia!hong joong

⋆ genre: mafia au, smut

⋆ warnings: alcohol, strong language, age gap, threesome, anal sex, double penetration, mentions of killing

⋆ words: 4,600

„There‘s one condition. You have to promise to be our and only our princess from now on. What do you think?“

─────────────────────

Bodies sway from side to side in sensual ways while the club consumes everyone in its rhythm. You yourself already lost track in time by rolling your hips to the music not seeing or hearing anything else since you entered the dancefloor. After some time you decide to get to the bar for a refreshment and while waiting you start to let your eyes roam around the club. In one of the booths you find your best friend being occupied in a hot make out session with a girl.

You suppress the smile that is urging to grow on your face and thank the bartender when he hands you your drink. That’s really what you needed. You would go back dancing after you finish your drink and while devouring the toxic liquid you spend the time with watching the wasted people in this club called ‚Wonderland‘.

Your gaze stops at a booth section right across from you. You tense when you suddenly feel a pair of eyes land on your form and quickly look down at your hands that were playing with your glass. Your were caught staring.

Well, technically you didn’t even know what you were looking at or more precisely who. The only thing you were able to catch a slight glimpse at were two boys or men sitting and watching the scene, too.

You were growing impatient. So eventually you dare to peek again into the direction only to find one of the men missing. Since the light play of the club slows down for another song the man‘s figure starts to be illuminated in unsteady intervals. But it is enough to see him slightly smirk and raise one eyebrow in a provocating way daring you to check him out any longer.

„Princess wanna‘ join us?“

You startle so hard at the silk voice and minty breath next to your face you accidentally spill some of the liquid out of your glass to the ground. Turning around you are met with one of the probably most handsome man you’ve ever seen. When your eyes linger a little bit too long on his face and icy white hair he leans in again and breathes down your neck to repeat his suggestion.

You already understood the first time but were too nervous to say anything to a beautiful man like him.

He smiles at you and lightly turns his head to the said booth with the other man waiting who watches the amusing scene with high interest.

After mindlessly nodding at him he grabs you by your waist and carefully guides you away from the crowd and up to the booth where his partner is eagerly waiting.

„My, my. What a diamond you brought us, Joong!“

The man in the booth makes place for the two of you and you are sit down between them the man holding you not letting go of your waist in the process.

„Tell me princess, what’s your name?“

The man hands you a drink and patiently waits for your answer. The other one takes this as an opportunity to shamelessly let his gaze roam over your petite form and stops at your hand that tries to pull down your short dress a little bit.

Sweet.

The man licks his lips at the sight and fights down the urge to fuck you right here in his club where all the people can see you. Your sweetness just emphasizes your pure appearance even more.

„Y/N. That’s my name.“ You shyly look to the ground not being able to hold eye contact with one of these godly men more than a second.

„Mh, what a beautiful name for a gorgeous girl like you. Don’t you think, San?“

„It is. But I think princess suits you the best.“

Your heart makes a beat when the man named San takes your small face between his smooth thumb and index finger turning it to face him.

His eyes turn into crescents and dimples adore his features when he shoots you an intoxicating sweet smile. You only stare in awe at him taking in his beauty. Surprisingly you like his feathery touches on your skin that make funny things to your tummy.

„Is it ok if we call you princess, Y/N?“

Hong Joong steals your attention from San when he pushes you back a little bit causing you to end in his embrace.

„Y-yes, it’s okay.“

Both men smile at you and you sip from your drink trying to calm down a little bit. It wasn’t your first time talking to older men but definitely the first flirting with two at the same time. Well, at least you thought they were both interested in you regarding their littles touches and gazes.

„You are really cute. How old are you, Y/Nah?“

„Actually, my 18th birthday was just a few weeks ago.“

You were afraid to disappoint them with your age but you liked sincerity so you decided to tell the truth.

„Oh, you are really a young princess. Only 18, that’s so precious!“ San can’t hold back his happiness about your age and pokes your little cheek at your confession earning him a sweet giggle out of your mouth.

„Princess, we are only a few years older than you. And you’re not a minor anymore. So everything’s good, right?“

„Yes, I think so...“

San is still grinning at you while Hong Joong starts to draw little circles over your exposed thigh with his finger tips. You feel the area he manages to reach form goosebumps and you suddenly shiver at his actions. He seems to notice your little shaking and stops to lay his hand flat on your tight flesh.

Again you bring the glass up to your lips emptying it with on swift move. The boys watch you eagerly but San‘s sending you a questioning look when you grimace because of the strong alcohol. With a flick of his fingers immediately a waiter appears and the boy with the mullet whispers something to him. The waiter bows to San and practically flys to the bar.

Hong Joong chuckles a bit at your cuteness and low level of drinking ability and takes a strand of your hair between his thin fingers to guide it back behind your ears. You cannot concentrate on anything if he’s touching you constantly. So you have to try hard to hear what San says when the waiter comes back with a bottle of ice cold Fiji water.

„Little girls shouldn’t drink too much.“

He winks at you and gestures for you to drink up.

„Oh, I am good. But thank you!“

„It wasn’t a question, princess.“

Something in his voice tells you he wouldn’t take a no again and you start to drink the water feeling a relief in your system. Hong Joong kisses your hair as a reward for your obedience but being not used to the proximity yet you flinch a little bit leaving the man pouting at you.

„I am sorry. Didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.“

„No, it’s not... I mean there are still many people here...“

San and Hong Joong literally coo at your pure statement. San takes your hand into his stroking it in lovely motions.

„You are absolutely right. Do you wanna‘ come with us to our place?“

Do you? You don’t know these handsome strangers and they could try to take advantage of you as soon as there were no witnesses.

They recognize you taking time and Hong Joong knows the more you rethink it the possibility of you rejecting them grows. With a soft move he takes away his warm and comfortable arm around your form and leaves you cold. San understands and distances himself a little bit, too.

„Or we can call a cab for you, Y/N?“

Their technique seems to work when you practically whimper at the loss of touch. It brings you out of your thoughts and before you can think straight you stop them.

„No, I really want to come with you!“

Both men hide their amusement and this time San takes your form in his arm and guides you outside.

After a twenty minute trip you arrive in front of a grand mansion. Hong Joong opens the door for you and takes your hand. All this time both males watch your reactions. When you ask them if they were rich or something San only smiles following you and Hong Joong inside their house.

Of course they were rich. They nearly controlled the whole country. But you didn’t need to know that at this moment.

To say you are impressed would be an understatement. You never have seen such luxury before in your life.

You take back your hand out of Hong Joong‘s grasp and start to take in your surroundings. Spinning around in the entry area you watch every little detail of the richness.

„Please tell me about your employment. I think I am going to change my major!“

Both men heartly laugh at your suggestion. You wouldn’t want to if you knew.

„You’re in college, princess?“

San emerged from behind and embraces your form in a tight back hug leaning his face in your shoulder. He starts to usher you forward and you see the livingroom nearing.

„Yes, I am studying to become a teacher!“

„Oh, one day you will be the perfect mommy.“

That was a little bit strange but you humm at it nervertheless.

The three of you make yourselves comfortable on the big couch in their living room and start to make a little bit small talk. After some time you start to come out of your shell and tell them a lot about yourself and your hobbies.

They ask you more and more questions and you realize that you technically don’t know anything about them to this point.

„So, what are you doing for a living? I mean, who can afford such a grand palace?“

As soon as the question leaves your mouth Hong Joong‘s smile falters a little bit and San‘s lips seem to twitch for only a second. You really were a curious princess. After Hong Joong composes himself he motions for you to come to him and sit down in his lap. You debate with yourself but as excitement fills your body at the thought of feeling him under you your body reacts on his own. You find yourself sitting in the boy‘s lap like a little girl your arms around his neck to hold onto him. His face nears your own and you are brave enough to hold the eye don’t as he caresses your cheeks with his hands.

„That’s a good girl. You know, what we do isn’t quite something for princesses to know. But I can tell you that we are willing to fulfill every wish of yours.“

„Every wish?“

There is indeed something you wish for as you feel your face heat up at his soothing touches. You feel your arousal forming and your panties growing wet from it.

But why aren’t they answering your question. As if San seems to recognize your uncertainty again he comes over to the two of you and sits down next to Hong Joong your back facing him. Suddenly he embraces your waist from behind and pushes away your hair to give him a better access to your smooth neck.

You shudder when he presses down an open mouthed kiss to your shoulder causing you to only lean more into the boy.

„Wait. Why me? And what do you want in return?“

They are both taken back by your sharpness but like it. Hong Joong chuckles at you and grabs your neck to move your face right in front of his.

„Don’t you know how hard you made us with your sinful movements on the dancefloor?“

His gaze burns at you with enormous lust and it takes everything in you to not moan at loud.

„I didn’t know...“

„Of course. That’s why I am telling you now. Your body practically screamed for us to take care of you, princess.“

You don’t know what to say anymore. His words alone could make you cum undone right at this moment. You clench your tighs together but Hong Joong seems to notice and before you can react he pushes his hand between your legs and holds your princess part in one hand.

You try to get away from him only to have San holding you in place from behind.

„Ohhh...“

„There‘s one condition. You have to promise to be our and only our princess from now on. What do you think?“

He adds some pressure with his flat hand onto your clit and you swear stars are forming in front of your eyes.

„Y-yes! I promise!“

San chuckles behind you. „What do you promise? Say ,I promise to be only Hong Joong‘s and San‘s princess from now on!‘ Do it!“

„I promise to be only Hong Joong‘s and San‘s princess from now on!“

„Good girl.“ San purrs into your ear and suddenly both boys let go of you leaving you a whimpering mess on the couch. They stand up and watch from above how you are clenching around and biting your lip in a seductive manner.

San and Hong Joong exchange quick glances and San takes you up in bridal style and the three of you go upstairs to a equally luxurious bedroom. He carefully puts you down on the fluffy blankets and kisses his way down to your feet until he frees you from your stilettos.

Hong Joong emerges from another room and puts something into his pocket when he sees your already tired gaze. He sits down beside you onto the bed and watches as San professionally undresses you in front of the two mafia leaders.

When you are totally naked San takes in your breathtaking body sprayed out all vulnerable on the bed ready to be devoured like a dessert. His bulge is growing in his pants at the sight and creates a painful urge to free himself of his clothes, too. But he knows they want to prepare you first.

You shiver at the coldness your exposed body is met with and thank Hong Joong when he cradles behind you and positions you between his legs back facing him. He spreads your legs wide for San who needs to pay attention to not drool at the sight of your beautiful pink pussy. San takes a hold of himself and emerges your form to kiss your parted lips.

„You smell so wonderful princess. Like a flower that’s only blooming for us.“

You whimper as Hong Joong breathes in the scent of your hair and neck and flinch when he starts to sink his teeth into your pulse point sending you to utopia. You moan out loud closing your eyes and fully lean into the man behind you giving him better access.

San takes this chance and lunches downwards to plunge his tongue as deep as he can into your entrance.

„Fuck! What are y-“

You look at the brown haired boy between your legs and how his demeanor changed into something like a possessive demon the way he tries to reach and taste every inch of your slit.

Soon the overwhelming sensation of being pleased by two man at the same time sends you over the edge. Your legs are starting to tremble terribly when you feel your orgasm starting to build from deep within you. San notices and adds a finger into your pussy. He starts to penetrate your g-spot in rhythmic motions and sucks at your clit like his life depended on it.

„There you go princess! Cum for us!“

„Nghaa... please!“

„Do it you little slut!“

Hong Joong starts to lightly choke you and suddenly your whole body is consumed by a mindblowing orgasm that rattles your whole being.

„SAN! Fuck! Oh my gosh!“

You whimper out loud when he rides you through your explosion with his fingers and slowly takes them out when you fall limb in Hong Joong‘s arms.

You merely make out San‘s glistening smile only recognizing that his whole chin is plastered in your wet cum. He draws big circles on your thighs while Hong Jong kisses your face and hair helping you to calm down from the shaking event.

„Do you want to continue princess?“

Can you? You really feel worn out but seeing the two boys watching you with excited eyes you want to know what else they wanted to do with you.

You try to sit down straight in front of them and grab Hong Joong by his collar to guide him into a meaningful kiss. You play with his tongue and dominate his mouth causing him to smirk into the kiss. He seems to like that so you add it to your mental notes.

San watches the hot make out session and undresses himself quickly. When he’s fully naked he takes his dick into one hand and starts to stroke it while Hong Joong grabs your tits and plays with your nipples causing you to slightly flinch. Next the white haired boy guides you to the edge of the bed where San is standing.

You took in the boy’s naked glory and you only feel yourself getting hotter at the sight. Oh how badly you want to roam your hands over his defined abs and kiss each pack of his. Your gaze drifts down to his dick right in front of your face. He’s thick and veiny and you start to wonder if you would be able to feel every unevenness of his dick with your walls.

San seems to grow impatient and whimpers lightly to gain your attention. You make up for the waiting by starting a full blow to his cock earning a cry from the boy.

„So pretty. My little princess looks so hot with her lips around my dick. Oh fuck. Yes!“

You feel a pool of wetness building under your slit at his praising words and grab a hold of his tensed buttocks to push him further into you.

„Shit, princess!“

San growls at every blow you give him and closes his eyes when you hit the back of your wet cavern. Same time Hong Joong gets rid of his clothes and makes himself comfortable on the bed watching your ass from behind swaying up and down in the process of pleasuring the other gangster.

As San engulfs into the feeling of his cock hitting your throat he holds your head in place and starts to deepthroat you. You immediately gag at the deep intrusion and try to stop the man by pushing him back by his abdomen. You only whimper out before San recognizes your discomfort and instantly pulls out. He quickly checks your face.

„Shit, I am sorry princess. I got carried away.“

„No, please don’t be. I am just not good in deepthroating... But I will practice!“ Both boys have to laugh at your cuteness and San clears your drool with his thumb.

„Baby, you don’t have to practice anything. You have to promise us to always be honest if you feel uncomfortable. Is that clear?“

Hong Joong pets your back while showing you a comforting smile.

„Ok, I promise. But what if I don’t want you to stop?“ Both men are shocked by your statement.

„Then, maybe we should think about a safe word?“

„That’s a good idea! What about... wonderland?“

„Oh, wonderland? Why tho?“

„Because it’s the place where we met for the first time.“ After thinking about it for a moment the two boys nodded at you.

„Then it’s wonderland!“ San clapped into his hands and decided to continue by engulfing you into a kiss again. Meanwhile Hong Joong finds the item in the pocket of his trousers that are laying on the ground next to the bed. San turns you around and positions you in front of Hong Joong on all fours.

Hong Joong’s penis was not as bag as San’s one but beautiful nevertheless. San doesn’t give you much time and pushes your head down on to his friend‘s dick and gets back behind you.

Hong Joong lightly pulls at your hair while his eyes roll back at you in front of him. How could such a pure being have a sinful body and lips like this?

„P-princess. This isn’t your first time you’re doing this. Am I right?“

You stop blowing him and look into his dilated eyes.

„What do you think?“

You continue to take him in as deep as it fits causing the gangster to throw his head back into the cushions.

You feel San behind you kissing your butt stroking it from time to time to encourage you. Suddenly Hong Joong stops you and hands San the object he was hiding under a cushion.

„Huh?“

„Princess, are we allowed to pleasure you through every pretty hole of yours?“

As soon as you understood what he meant San already had his tongue on your other entrance igniting a deep moan out of you. You feel your legs giving out when he starts to lick his way from your cunt to your asshole.

„I-I will try! Fuck!“

Hong Joong sucks your bottom lip into his mouth and starts to swirl your tongues. Moans and wet noises fill the room and you don’t know if you could ever be pleasured better again by another man.

As soon as San feels your entrance slowly becoming soft and squashy he tries to insert one finger into the hole. As he emerges in your virgin part you can only growl into Hong Joong‘s mouth who isn’t letting go of you.

San starts to pump his finger in and out of you so you can adjust to the new sensation. After some time he pushes in another finger and you mewl out at the stretching feeling. Suddenly his fingers are pulled out and your entrance is met with something cold and synthetic.

You make a move to look behind what he is planning to do but Hong Joong still holds you in place kissing you more ravishingly than before. And your cry out when San pushes a pink buttplug into your back hole.

„Fuck! Feels .. soo ... goooddmnfnf!“

Hong Joong smirks into your mouth and your cries and whimpers shake his whole body and stop at his erection that is urging him to stroke himself at the feeling.

San continues to fuck you with the toy and stops for a second to spit onto it to make the process easier.

„How does that feel princess? Do you like it? Do you want me to fuck your sweet little hole with my own dick?“

„P-please! Yes!“

San growls at your needy answer and takes out the buttplug. Hong Joong stops kissing you leaving your lips red and bruised because of the long attack.

San lays down on the bed and Hong Joong positions you onto San your back facing the mullet boy‘s face.

„Take your time baby. This dick is much bigger than the buttplug.“

San holds your hips in a helping manner while you steady yourself on Hong Joong‘s shoulders. Painfully slow you guide yourself down onto San‘s standing erection the boy positioning his dick so he can enter you easier.

And god does it feel amazing. Your moth forms into a silent cry while you take him in fully. Hong Joong watches the scene with amazement and San curses out incoherent words at the tightness of your butthole.

„Fucking shit!“

The first pushes feel awkward although San and Hong Joong pull you up and down onto the cock very slow. After some adjusting you feel the amazing sensation of the anal experience and close your eyes to get lost in the moment. You start to push yourself down onto the boy on your own and decide the rhythm of the trusts to go quicker.

San‘s grip on your hips tighten with each thrust you are pressing down on him. Hong Joong grows impatient at the sight of his partner having all the fun alone and starts to kiss your breasts leaving markings all over the place.

„This is so good! Nghaa...“

San slowls you down and strokes your back to give you the feeling of doing well in this position. Hong Jong shares a look with San and positions his cock in front of your pussy watching your reaction with eager eyes.

„What do you think, princess? Can you take two at the some time?“

Holy shit.

„Yes! Please fill me, too, Hong Joong!“

„That’s our good little princess.“

San and Hong Joong definitely not knew you would be so obedient and into a threesome and double penetration so having you practically pleading for it shoots goosebumps over their own skin. They made the right decision in choosing you this evening.

But only after this night they could decide if they would let you live or kill you off.

Hong Joong sinks to his knees over San‘s legs and puts his cock in front of your entrance and teases the wet area with his pulsing shaft.

His eyes darken at the sight and you feel your breath getting caught in your system when he enters you painfully slow stretching out your pussy. You never felt this beautifully full before and notice San‘s and Hong Joong‘s grunts, too, when they pass eachother in your pelvis only a thin wall between the two itching dicks.

San‘s little movement under you suddenly lets you experience a rush of another accidental orgasm making the boys aware of your sensity to the situation.

You just lay limp on San‘s sweaty body after calming down everyone trying to not move a single muscle. After a few seconds Hong Joong presses his head against yours whispering encouraging words to you.

„Baby, you can do it. Just another one.“

„Mhh.“

Sloppy sounds are heard when the boys start to grind into your holes leaving you a crying mess between their bodies. As soon as they set a rhythmic pace Hong Joong digs his fingers under your knees and holds them up to deepen the contact between you and him.

You love the feeling of being fucked by the two man at the same time and grab Hong Joong‘s neck to steady yourself a little bit while their pace only quickens more. You blood is buzzing when their rhythm grows unsteady and you feel yourself becoming hotter each second.

„I-I think I am going to cum soon. San?“

„Yeah, same!“

Hong Joong presses his thumb onto your clit and starts to roughly rut his hips into your body leaving you and San in shock under him. He circles your clit aggressively and your head falls over San‘s shoulder who leans up onto his forearms.

„Fucking shit you little bitch you’re going to take all of us!“

Hong Joong‘s eyes darken and he grabs a tight hold onto one of your tits while fucking you into oblivion. You shudder at his sinful words and feel your orgasm approaching because of it.

Your vision fades to black when the third times this night waves of pleasure rush through you. The boys equally tense and with low grunts and one final push they insert their thick cum into your holes mixing it with your own.

Only strong breathing sounds are heard in the room and the trio of you are laying on the bed nuzzling into eachother. You are so worn out that you instantly fall asleep while a cozy smile adorns your face.

San and Hong Joong carefully pull out of your entrances and lay down beside you. The brown haired boy spoons you from behind and Hong Joong covers your forms with a blanket. Before closing their eyes San shoots Hong Joong an enquiring look to which the mafia leader only devilishly smiles and hums.

Seems like you passed the test.

„Sleep tight, our little princess.“

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[shipmistress9]

FTLOAP: Chapter 48: Reminds Me Again It's Worth It All

For The Love Of A Princess Masterpost

Alpha/Co-author: @athingofvikings

Taglist: @drchee5e @hey-its-laura-again @thepixiedustfactory​ (If you want me to add you to this list, just say so. ^^)

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If you want to support me you can buy me a coffee. I love coffee 😊 (Ko-Fi)

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AN: How... how is it already almost three months later again? Time is a lie! xD But I won't apologise. Life is just absolutely crazy right now, and not just because of this virus. But I'm not abandoning this story, don't worry! :)

And I don't want to ramble here too much, but... I was worried how you all would take it that I implemented the canon events as legends. And I'm very happy and relieved to see that you guys generally seem to approve. ^^

This week's title comes, again, from Memories by Within Temptation. I've picked this title before I wrote the chapter and I have to admit that it fitted better to the original vision I had of this chapter than to the end result. But it still works and it's not that important anyway, right? ;P

. o O o .

“Do you think you can do it? Can you kill a dragon?”

Grimacing, Hiccup averted his face at that question. Killing a dragon… There once had been a time where this prospect had troubled him. It had been something he had to do, but not what he’d wanted to do.

But now, things were different. He'd already lost so much to a dragon’s attack once, and now could gain so much more if he did it… It wasn’t a question about whether he could do it anymore.

But… would he be able to do it?

“I get that it’s a lot to think about,” Eret said when he didn’t reply immediately. “Especially after what you just told us and in such a short time. The thing is just… You legally winning that title for yourself would be the easiest and cleanest solution. But we can prepare you as much as we want; if it’s more likely that you’re getting killed, it’s not worth it. Then we have to come up with something else. I’m sure there’s something we can do. There has to be.”

Hiccup pressed his lips together and lowered his head. Astrid was still sitting right next to him, her hand in his. So close. It could be so easy. All he had to do to be with her was kill a dragon. But after all his failures, he wasn't likely to be too optimistic.

“I don’t know,” he eventually said in a low voice. “I became a better fighter over the last years, I had to, and… and I have the best motivation imaginable.” Chuckling weakly, he lifted his hand to breathe a soft kiss onto Astrid’s knuckled. It made her smile, tentatively. “But I don’t know if I can do it. It would be difficult, nearly impossible . During raids and other occasions, we use special tools and weapons against dragons that make it easier to capture and kill them. If I had some of those, I think I could do it. But without them?” Gulping, he shook his head. “I’d need a lot of luck, and, well… given the past few years, luck is not something I would want to count on.”

Next to him, Astrid flinched. The fingers of her free hand painfully dug into his arm; she clearly didn’t like his answer. But as much as he wanted to give her another one – lying just to comfort her wasn’t an option.

“But you can build these weapons,” Eret objected. “I know you can, I’ve seen you work in Berk’s forge and you even managed to fix the music box. Just tell us what you need, and we get if for you.”

Hiccup’s gaze shifted back to Eret. He was grateful for his enthusiasm and optimism, that he wouldn’t give up. But in this case, just thinking positively wouldn't help much. With a tired sigh, he shook his head. “You’re right, I could build what I need. But not within only a couple of days. I’d need special moulds to forge the pieces, special tools I don’t have… It would take me weeks to build all that from scratch.”

“Can’t you get some of those things here?” Dagur threw in. “I mean, the markets here might not be as big as Southshore’s… but this is the capital. There’s a lot you can buy here.”

Hiccup grimaced, his free hand tightening into a fist. He gazed down at Astrid, tightly clinging to his arm and her face hidden against his side. He couldn’t give up now. Eret was right, winning that hunt would be the cleanest solution. And for Astrid, he was willing to try and risk everything. Whatever it would take.

With a heavy sigh, he turned back toward the others. “Maybe you’re right and we can find at least some things. So far, I haven’t seen anything of that sort though, and finding the tools I need, let alone the functioning weapons, might take just as long as trying to build them. But yeah, it’s at least a possibility.”

“All right, what should we look for?” Tuff asked.

He shared a look with his sister who added, “Tuff and I know the city pretty well. And we know some people… If the things you need exist somewhere in Volantis, then we’re your best option to find them.”

Frowning, Hiccup took a moment to think. “The most important thing,” he eventually replied, slowly, “would be a bola shooter. The best way – the only reasonable way, really – to fight any dragon is to first incapacitate their wings, if possible their legs too. If they can’t fly or move much at all, they’re relatively easy prey.”

“A…. what shooter?” The question came from Tuff, but except for Eret who’d seen a bola shooter in action before, everyone looked equally confused.

“A bola shooter.” He released Astrid’s hand to use both arms for his explanation. “A bola is a weapon made for hunting. It’s made of three – or more – strings of rope, all tied together at a centre point and each with some form of weight at the end, usually a rock of this size,” he held up his fist, “or bigger, depending on what kind of prey you’re after. If you fling it the right way, it wraps around the beast’s body, preferably around its legs or wings and renders it immobile.”

“Makes sense,” Dagur agreed, nodding. “But I don’t see your problem. Making such a bola doesn’t sound that complicated.”

Hiccup nodded. “It’s not. But using a bola just on its own, that’s not advisable if you’re out to hunt a dragon. Flinging a bola over your head is not exactly stealthy. If you’re in a raid where there’s chaos already, it doesn’t matter much. But if you try to sneak up on a dragon and want to capture it before it attacks or simply flies off? Not a good idea. So what I need is a shooter. It’s a device to launch such bolas without the eye-catching gaining of momentum.” His gaze wandered to Astrid’s servants. “What you would be looking for is–”

“Wait a moment,” Eret interrupted him. He got up from his chair and walked over to a desk, then returned with a sheet of paper and a pencil. “It’s not as if I have much need for letter paper anyway.”

Gratefully, Hiccup took the paper and pencil, and leaning over the low table in front of him, he made a quick sketch of what he needed.

“It’s a wooden or metallic tube,” he explained. “Wide enough for weights as such rocks and with a mechanism to launch them attached to it at one end.” He handed the sketch over to Astrid’s warder.

The man narrowed his eyes as he looked at the sketch then showed it to his sister next to him. She too narrowed her eyes, then the twins shared a knowing look and a nod.

“What?” Dagur asked, a little annoyed. “Have you seen anything like that before?”

“Maybe,” Ruff replied slowly. She inspected the sketch for a moment longer, then shared another strange nod with her brother before she left the room without another word.

Everyone gazed after her, perplexed, then threw Tuff a questioning look.

But Tuff’s answer wasn’t very enlightening. “She needs to check something,” he simply said.

Dagur snorted. “Don’t bother trying to make sense of their twintuition. It’s pointless.”

“I can hear you, you know?” Tuff muttered.

“So what?,” Dagur cackled. “Nothing I wouldn’t say to your face.”

Rolling his eyes at their bickering, Eret cleared his throat to draw Hiccup’s attention again. “Who knows how long Ruff will be gone. So let’s use the time to talk options. I agree, flinging a bola isn’t stealthy, but it would still be possible, wouldn’t it? Or how about a weighted net? I’ve seen you use those sometimes, too.”

With his lips pressed into a thin line, Hiccup nodded. “Possible, yes, but not advisable. A shooter would give me another advantage over simply flinging a bola or net myself. I wouldn’t need to get as close to the beast since a shooter can hurl them farther than I can throw them, and they could be bigger too as it can handle higher weights. And with a net, I’d need to be in a higher position to throw it on top of them. It can be done, obviously, but, yeah… It would require a lot of luck.”

Eret frowned but didn’t object and didn’t come up with some other option, either. Grateful for the break, Hiccup leaned against the cushioned backrest, relaxing a little when Astrid cuddled to his side without hesitation. She’d been surprisingly quiet throughout the whole conversation, and now he noticed just how tense she was; her shoulders, her expression, even her hands clenched into fists around his tunic. As if she was subconsciously holding on to something invisible.

It was strange in a way. But just like he'd drawn from her strength earlier when the memories of his dead family had threatened to overwhelm him, it now seemed as if she was relying on his strength in return. Even though he had no idea why she needed it.

He let his hand run up and down her back, slowly, comfortingly, and after a minute or two, she relaxed at least a little bit.

It didn't take long until Ruff returned. In her arms, she carried a large basket full of laundry which earned her confused looks from everyone waiting.

"You came to bring fresh clothes?" Dagur asked, a little incredulously. "Do you expect anyone to rip theirs off?" He threw an insinuating grin at Astrid and Hiccup, but nobody was really in the mood for joking.

"Haha, funny," Ruff deadpanned. She placed the basket on the ground and rummaged about for a few seconds until she found what she was looking for. With a satisfied grin, she glanced from one to the other. "No, the laundry was just for cover; I didn't want people to get suspicious if they saw me with this." She pulled an object out that had been hidden by layers of cloth, a smug smile on her face as she looked at Hiccup. "Is this what you were talking about? A bola shooter?"

Hiccup could only gape. Disbelievingly, he reached for the device when Ruff held it out to him, his fingers reverently gliding over the sturdy metal tube. It was dusty, the mechanism getting stuck when he tried to wind it up, but it was undeniably a bola shooter. It even was the same model they used on Berk, the size and length of the tube distinct. And the mechanism! It was just like–

Hiccup sucked in a sharp breath and turned the device around until his eyes found what he’d been looking for, a sign that was etched into the metal at the underside of the tube. A horizontal line crossed by three vertical ones. Or, the way he read it, ‘H H’.

"Where did you get this?" he asked, his eyes on the twins.

This couldn't be… It made no sense! How?

"What's wrong, Hiccup?" Eret asked, frowning, a note of worry in his voice.

Mutely and without looking, Hiccup handed the shooter over to his cousin. His eyes were still on Ruff, still waiting for her answer.

Ruff exchanged a frown with her brother, and they both shrugged. “It’s Astrid’s,” she replied.

Stunned, Hiccup turned toward Astrid, but she looked just as surprised as he was. “Excuse me?”

“It’s true,” Tuff said with another shrug. “It was in one of your birthday chests from three or four years ago.”

Still confused, Hiccup cocked his head. “Birthday chests?” he asked for clarification when even Dagur just nodded in understanding.

“Usually, there aren’t as many people here for my birthday as there were this year,” Astrid explained in a low voice. She sounded distracted, as if her mind was somewhere else entirely. “But since ignoring the Princess Royal’s birthday could be considered an insult, practically every noble family sends a gift every year. Nothing extravagant in most cases, just a sign that they remembered. Often, it’s some local speciality, food, clothes, or craftsmanship. I… some pieces I kept, and the food always gets eaten, of course, but the rest gets stored away, and…” She trailed off, shrugging.

“Exactly!” Tuff nodded. “There’s an entire room just filled with shelves and boxes full of stuff – for every member of the royal family. And there’s some weird stuff in there, that I can tell you.” He snickered.

Somewhere in the depth of Hiccup’s mind, a memory was rising, but he couldn’t grasp it yet.

“Very true!” Ruff said with a smirk. “Some of these things are great for pranks; it’s just a hassle to sort through them sometimes. Anyway, there are a few chests that are different… bigger. Sometimes, higher noble families don’t just send one gift but an entire chest full of various gifts. There is one in particular that contains a number of strange things I’ve never seen anywhere else. Clothes in an unfamiliar style, wooden carvings, instruments… and this weird fellow.” She pointed at the bola shooter in Eret’s hand. “We never knew what to make of it, but when you sketched your shooter just now…” She broke off, looking over at Eret as he grunted in surprise.

"Is… is that one of yours?" he asked, baffled.

Next to him, Astrid shuffled to sit up straighter. “Yeah, apparently it is. Even though I can’t–”

“He means me,” Hiccup interrupted her gently. He held his hand out for Eret to give him the shooter back, then turned it around to show her the symbol etched into the metal. “See this? That… well, you can call it my signature, I guess. I used to mark everything I made with this sign. H H. Hiccup of House Haddock.”

He shrugged, a little embarrassed. Putting that signature on his works had been an act of pride and rebellion, he knew that all too well. So many people had called him useless for not being a good fighter and not going after the dragons as he was supposed to. And yet, they’d been happy enough to use his weapons and devices.

Astrid traced the symbol with her fingers, her touch careful. “So… you made this?” she asked, visibly puzzled “But… how did it end up in that chest?”

Hiccup’s memories were all falling into place then. “I haven’t thought of this in a long time, didn’t even remember until just now,” he said slowly. “It was on the day the council had decided that I would have to prove myself in the arena, and I was… well, I was terrified, to be honest. Torn on whether I even wanted to kill a dragon and scared by having to do so in the arena, without support or the usual methods. I had just finished working on this shooter, but more felt like throwing it out of the window and into the ocean. What was the point of crafting all these weapons if I wasn’t allowed to use them? I think I was pretty lost, wallowing, and didn't pay much attention to my mother when she came into my workshop."

He had to pause and swallow at that memory. What would he give if he could go back to that moment, for the chance to talk to her again? To ask for her advice, or just to listen to what was on her mind. If only he hadn't wasted so much time only focused on his own problems...

"She tried to cheer me up and encourage me, said that she had faith in me. But I didn't want to hear that and in the end, it wasn't why she'd come looking for me anyway. She was about to send a chest of gifts to her friend, for her daughter's birthday, and wanted me to contribute something, too." His lips twitched into a rueful smile. "I remember how annoyed I was. What did the birthday of some stranger matter to me? I had more important things on my mind, like not losing my honour in front of the entire tribe, for example. Or my life. So I just gave her the shooter I'd just finished, unreasonably angry at the device itself for me not being allowed to use it in my fight against the dragon."

With slightly shaking hands, Astrid reached for the shooter to inspect it a little more closely. "Is it still working, though?" There was an odd tone in her voice, so quiet and almost trembling, something he couldn’t quite place. “I mean, it’s been lying around in that chest for three years now. Are you sure it’s not rusty? What if the mechanism jams when you need it?”

Hiccup took a moment to think, then nodded. “Yeah, it should still work. Maybe not right now, but it shouldn’t be a problem to get it to work on time. I just need to disassemble it, clean all parts, and put them back together.” He paused, trying to think it through. All parts were there, working and in his usual high quality. They shouldn’t have suffered much over time, and even if one or two parts were broken, it shouldn’t be that hard to replace only those.

He sucked in a deep breath, a confidant grin on his face. “So, going back to your question,” he said, looking at Eret. “Yes, with this baby here, I think I can do it. I can kill a dragon!”

. o O o .

Hiccup was itching to get started. Three days weren’t much time to prepare for the task that lay ahead of him, and he didn’t want to waste even one second. But no matter how eager he was to disappear into the royal armoury and work on the shooter, he grudgingly had to yield to Eret’s logic.

“You can’t go and spend all day locked up, working on some secret project. If you do, people will get suspicious, and we can’t have anyone pay overly attention to what either of us is doing.”

So he spent most of the day assisting Eret and Dagur during their training – which probably wasn’t that much of a waste of time, either. It was a little tricky as on the one hand, it couldn’t become obvious that Hiccup was training some techniques for real, while on the other hand, Eret and Dagur couldn’t put too much obvious effort into it. But all he could do was hope that the ruse worked.

Astrid was watching them from afar, but something was strange about her. Hiccup was ecstatic, even as his leg was acting up a little from the unusual workout. For the first time since Astrid’s birthday, he felt true confidence, for their future but also for himself. The plan Eret had come up with was good. It wouldn’t be easy by any means, but it could work. And even more importantly, it was something he could do.

But Hiccup noticed that Astrid wasn’t nearly in as good a mood as he was, even from a distance. She looked tense and anxious, even more so than this morning, almost constantly biting her lip. He wished he could go and talk to her, could ask her what was bothering her. But there were too many people around on the fighting ground; all conversations would have to wait until the night.

And until then, he had to use every bit of time he had. He didn’t join Eret and Dagur for their lunch break and instead spent the time at the armoury. And even though he only had about an hour, he made good progress with the shooter. It was years now since he last worked on a device like this, but it still felt natural, easy as breathing.

After a first inspection, he was relieved to see that nearly all pieces were still in working order. One rod was warped and needed to be pounded back into shape with some work on an anvil. Another was broken and he would need to replace it, same as a bolt or three. But all that was manageable, no reason to worry. If he used his free hours in the evening and on the next day without wasting time, then he should be done by tomorrow night, the morning after at the latest.

The good mood carried him through the day, even though it was a long and exhausting one. After his simple dinner in the servants’ kitchen, it was time to sneak into Astrid’s rooms again, and if it hadn’t been for this happy prospect, he would have just gone to bed directly. His leg hurt more with every step he made through the narrow tunnels as he followed Tuff, and it was only the thought of Astrid that kept him going. Of holding her, but also of the anxiety he’d noticed in her.

And when he entered her bedroom and Ruff closed the door behind him, it quickly became apparent that her mood hadn’t improved all day. She was still as tense as she’d been before if not more, sitting on the edge of her bed with her hands nervously fiddling with her nightgown.

"Hey," she greeted him. There was a smile on her lips but it felt off. It didn’t reach her eyes, even though the warmth and love in them were real.

"Hey," he replied. With a sigh, he sat down next to her, relieved when his weight was off his leg. Whatever it was that was bothering her, they surely could talk about it sitting, right? "Is everything okay?"

But Astrid didn't react. Instead, she frowned, her eyes not meeting his. "Your leg hurts."

It wasn't a question, but Hiccup nodded nonetheless. "A little, yes. With all the training today, that was to be expected. I should probably take it a little easier tomorrow,“ he added lightly.

She nodded, still not looking at him. Instead, her frown deepened and she chewed on her lower lip, thinking. "Do you want me to massage it?" she eventually offered.

Hiccup knew that he should decline. The pain wasn't that bad, nothing a good night's rest wouldn't heal, and letting her hands roam his skin wasn't necessarily advisable anyway. All too well, he remembered how that usually affected him.

But something was keeping him from turning her down. There was something in the way she avoided his gaze, how her hands trembled, that told him that, for some reason, Astrid needed this. He wasn't sure whether it was about having something to do in general or whether she craved contact just as much as he did, but it was there. And he didn't have it in him to deny her. Besides, a massage would definitely help, and coming from her would make it all the sweeter.

"Yeah, that would be great."

On her indication, he made himself comfortable in the middle of her bed, with his back resting against the headrest and the leg of his trousers rolled up as far as possible. Claiming that he didn't enjoy how her hands glided over his skin and worked the tissue and muscles beneath would have been a lie. It felt wonderful, both the relief it brought to his aching leg and the sensations her touch elicited in the rest of his body alike.

But as much as he enjoyed the massage, he also was aware of how anxious Astrid still was, of the wrinkles in her forehead, the tension around her mouth, and how her hands were trembling. She clearly was not okay. But since she’d evaded his question before, all he could do was wait for her to be ready to tell him what was bothering her.

"It makes sense now," she eventually murmured. She wasn't meeting his eyes, her gaze resting on his scarred leg, on her fingers tracing the ugly ragged lines.

"What do you mean?" he asked when she didn't continue.

Astrid swallowed. "Your leg. I... I've been wondering about these scars ever since you showed them to me. Not where they come from!" she quickly clarified, "But... It's just that I've seen the scars on your back. Those wounds there must have been so much worse than the one on your leg. And I always wondered why your back healed so well and your leg didn't. But now I know."

Hiccup sighed. "Yeah... my night in the forest really didn't do me any good. The infection–"

"It's not just that," she interrupted him. "A wound like this needs constant care to heal properly. Cleaning and treatment and fresh bandages and time. Bu-but if you got imprisoned and exiled, your leg got none of that, right?” Her voice was trembling now. “That's why it's still bothering you. Not because the wound was so severe or because it got dirty or even infected. It’s because it never got time to heal."

Hiccup closed his eyes and nodded. "You're right. I only got the barest minimum of treatment before they sent me away. And then, I had to leave quickly and couldn't risk resting for a week or even longer to let the wound heal. I was lucky I didn't lose the leg altogether…" He trailed off as the painful memories made a lump form in his throat; memories of cold nights in the northern forest, of hiding from thieving groups… and of being scared but at the same time not feeling worthy of even the care one of Freya’s temples would have offered.

Astrid shifted, finally looked at him as she reached for his hand. There was a shimmer in her eyes, as if she was close to tears. "Oh, Hiccup," she sniffed. "That... that must have been horrible!"

Swallowing, Hiccup lowered his head. She was right, it had been horrible. Not just because of what had happened, though, but mostly because he hadn't thought it possible that the Tribes' leaders, his own people, would be so callous and cruel. He'd always known that there were some who'd wanted House Haddock removed and even more had been in doubt about him. But he hadn't expected them to directly exile him without a proper trial. To all but execute him without solid evidence.

Astrid's hand was shaking around his, causing him to look up at her again. Her eyes were filled with sadness. "I-I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I wish there was a way to make it all undone. I wish I could spare you all the pain you've been through. And your family! I knew they were dead, but... but what happened to them – it wasn't fair!"

Again, Hiccup swallowed. "No, it wasn't fair," he murmured. He took a moment to take a deep breath and slowly let it out again. "But it's all in the past. What happened happened, and nobody can change it anymore."

Astrid nodded, weakly, her hand tightening around his. "And I'm sorry. For making you talk about them this morning. I can only imagine how much that must have cost you! If there's anything I can do to make it up to you or–"

Hiccup put a finger over her lips, effectively silencing her. "It's all right," he assured her. "You're already doing more than I can ever put into words, just by existing, by being here. Besides... I think it was actually good that I finally talked about it all, about them and what happened. I feel... lighter, somehow. I still miss them, of course, I do. But at the same time, I know that they will always be with me as long as I remember them. They are my past, and while I’ll never forget them… Thinking about them made me remember how happy I was. And it reminded me that it’s worth fighting for a happy life. For our future.”

Astrid sucked in a harsh breath. Again, she began to tremble, so much so that Hiccup pulled her into his arms to comfort her, grateful when she didn’t resist even though he didn't understand what troubled her.

“Hey, hey,” he mumbled into her hair, one hand soothingly rubbing her back. “What’s up? Why are you so upset?”

Sniffling, she burrowed deeper into his embrace. “I don’t like it.”

He frowned. “What do you mean?” There were many things not to like lately, and while he was reasonably sure that she wasn’t talking about their shared future, there were just too many options left.

“Eret’s plan. You having to hunt and fight a dragon. I don’t like it!”

Her words were muffled and it took him a moment to fully understand them. Then he frowned. “Why? It’s the first time we actually have a plan. Finally, it’s something solid we can do, something I can do.”

She snorted against his chest, a humourless laugh. “You know that you don’t have to prove yourself, right?”

“I know,” he sighed. “Not to you. But… I know that it’s stupid, but I feel like I have to prove it to myself – that I’m worthy of you and our future. That I’m not a failure. And I need it to get closure. I couldn’t kill that dragon back then and it ruined my life. So if I now can ensure our life together by killing a dragon… It’s like settling old scores, you know? Besides, Eret is right. If I can earn this title, then we’re going to face far less resistance. It will be easier, all things considered.”

She was silent for a few heartbeats, not replying in any way. Then she seemed to burrow even deeper into his embrace, her mumbled words barely audible. “But only if it works.”

Hiccup grimaced, glad that she couldn’t see his face. “It will work,” he then replied with conviction. “It has to. Remember what the Goddess said? That I have to do what comes naturally? Well, this does. This is something I can do. Even more so, it’s like this is a task that’s made for me, just like Eret said. I have the training and knowledge needed for this Hunt. This has to be what the Goddess meant.”

But Astrid still wasn’t convinced. “I don’t know,” she whispered. “I see what you mean, but… I just have a bad feeling about all this! As if something will go terribly wrong...”

Sighing, he pulled her up until he could look at her. “It won’t go wrong, okay? I won’t let that happen! Not when I have you to come back to.”

“But what if you don’t?” She sounded desperate now. "What if that shooter doesn't work? Or someone attacks you? Or the dragon you find is stronger than you thought? What if you don’t come back?” She shook her head, a single tear running down her cheek.”I don’t want you to leave, don’t want to be apart from you. It feels wrong! I just have this weird feeling about it, as if something will happen when we’re not together, someth–”

He cut her off with a quick kiss. He could see what she was doing, spiralling down into worries and fears. He recognised it, had been there often enough in his life. But thinking like that wouldn’t do them any good. “It won’t go wrong! Do you hear me? For some reason, the Gods need us for their plans, so it won’t go wrong. You’ll see, I’ll be back here before you really notice I’m gone. That I promise you!”

With a pained expression on her face, she shook her head. Slowly, she crawled up the bed until she sat above him, straddling him. Her eyes were sad when they searched his, worried, her hands coming up to brush away strands of his hair. When she kissed him, it was hesitant, careful even, her fingers against his jaw and neck trembling. And yet, it was full of an urgency he didn't quite comprehend, lingering desperation thrumming beneath the surface. Without a doubt, it was fueled by her anxiety, but why she felt that way, he still didn't fully understand.

When she deepened the kiss, he didn't resist though. Her tongue was delving into his mouth, seeking closeness and reassurance, while her hand roamed to the back of his head to hold him close, fingers tugging at his hair. She was trembling, whimpering. Clinging to him as if to dear life. And he just didn’t have it in him to push her away at that moment.

His body liked her squirming in his lap more than it should, but he tried to ignore it, focused only on Astrid instead. For some reason, this was what she needed right now, just like he'd needed her support earlier when he’d talked about his family. So he didn't deny her and instead wound his arms around her lithe frame, holding her close, safe.

And who was he kidding? Kissing her and feeling her so close was a joy on its own. She was so warm, so soft, melting against his chest and into his embrace as if they were one. No matter how good this day had turned out to be, being here with her right now, tasting her kiss and hearing her little sighs, was better than everything else.

And even though he knew he should, he didn’t stop her when their kiss grew more passionate. Her fingertips scraped over his scalp and wandered down to caress his throat in a way that sent shivers all the way down his spine. It made his hands clutch her more firmly, hurl her closer still, made him groan into their kiss, and made heat pool low in his belly. She was all he wanted, all he needed, all that mattered. And, Gods , he wanted her so much.

Without his help, his hands wandered down her body, gliding along the curves of her waist, her hips, and her thighs. The thin fabric of her nightshift did little to cover her; he could feel everything, every muscle moving beneath hot skin. He eagerly swallowed the low moans his touch drew from her, luxuriating in the knowledge that it was he who made her feel like this. It was something he hoped to never lose, the simple joy of making her feel good.

However, when she broke free of their kiss to let out a louder groan and she ground herself down against him in that clear search for more stimulation, he remembered that there was a line they mustn't cross. As if he'd burned himself, he pulled his hands away from her thighs, though only to let them land on her hips instead, holding her still.

“Astrid!” he implored, pleading in a low and hoarse voice.

A low whimper escaped her, but she didn’t move and only let her forehead drop to his shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I… I got carried away.” She chuckled, embarrassed and a little breathless. Her hands tightened into fists around the fabric of his tunic. “But you better keep your promise, you hear me?”

Hiccup tilted his head to place a soft and relatively innocent kiss below her ear. “I will,” he vowed, his lips twitching. He knew that she was referring to what he'd said a few minutes before, but he couldn't resist teasing her a little, if only to lighten the mood. “I will come back to you. And don’t worry, I’m not going to scam you out of all the nights I’m going to make it up to you, either. You might even beg me for a break every now and then.”

His words had the desired effect as she was chuckling for real now. Her arms slid around his neck and she settled against his shoulder in a comfortable embrace. “Just promise me that you’ll be careful. Promise me that nothing will go wrong. That you won’t get overconfident, that you won't take unnecessary risks, and won’t do anything stupid.”

With his hands slowly caressing up and down her back, Hiccup smiled, hidden within her loose night braids. “All right. I promise not to do something stupid. And don’t worry, I know how dangerous dragons can be; I won’t get cocky. I have too much to lose.”

“Same here,” she mumbled before kissing him again, though sweeter and lighter this time.

After only a few seconds, she pulled back again and even slid off his lap to cuddle to his side instead. Hiccup missed her warmth right away but knew better than to protest. This was not the time for intimate closeness but it would come, soon.

“So, what about that shooter of yours?” Her voice was light, but a little strained. As if she was forcing herself to sound untroubled.

Hiccup grimaced. He didn't want her to pretend for his sake. He pulled her a little closer and brushed his lips against her forehead. "We don't have to talk about this," he mumbled against her skin. "Not if it makes you uncomfortable."

Astrid hesitated, then sighed. "It's… okay. And I think I do need to hear this. I need to know that everything will work out."

Hiccup chuckled. "That limits how I can reply to your question. You realise that, right?"

She snorted, and he could practically hear how she rolled her eyes. "Well, if you tell me now that the shooter won't work then you won't participate in this Hunt anyway."

His lips twitched at her adamant tone. "The shooter is in a good state. A little dusty so I need to clean it thoroughly, and I need to replace a couple of parts. But those are all manageable details. Don't worry, it will be in perfect shape for the Hunt."

"Okay." She nodded, the movement soothing against his arm, and sighed. "Maybe I'm just overreacting after all…"

Hiccup shrugged. "I wouldn't call it overreacting. To be honest, I'm a little nervous, too. But I refuse to let that deter me. You'll see, everything will go smoothly and next week by this time, we'll laugh about all this. And then you'll have to admit that I was right."

She snorted again and shook her head. "Is this a thing of yours? Do you always have to be right?"

Hiccup flinched as her words echoed in his mind but in another voice, a little deeper but with the same playful annoyance.

“What is it?” Astrid looked at him questioningly. She'd noticed his reaction, of course, she had...

“It’s… nothing. Just… Arndis used to say that, too. Complaining about how I’m usually right.” He chuckled, even as a fresh wave of sadness tainted his mood. “Wasn’t my fault she always tried to go straight through the wall instead of taking two steps to the side and around it.”

Astrid sat up until she knelt next to him, watching him carefully. “Would you… tell me more about her? About your family? Only if you feel like it, of course,” she added quickly.”But they meant so much to you, and I… Well, I wish I’d known them.”

Smiling sadly, Hiccup nodded. He leaned back, his eyes on the ceiling as his hand searched for hers.

“Arndis was… a little pigheaded,” he began, chuckling. Absentmindedly, he weaved his fingers through Astrid’s, her touch so soothing and comforting. “She wasn’t unreasonable, just… She had her own mind and wouldn’t let others tell her what to do. Or what she couldn’t do. I told you that women in the Tribes have more freedom than they have here. But Arndis still was the daughter of the High Chief and Grand Duke and was expected to enter a political marriage one day, possibly outside of the Tribes. Our parents tried to teach her certain manners so she wouldn’t be completely lost… but she barely listened. She refused to even learn how to ride on a side-saddle, for example, easily kept up with father’s guards when they got drunk in the Great Hall, and was far better at wielding a sword than her knitting needles. In fact, she was better at wielding a sword than most of Father’s soldiers, I included.”

He chuckled at the memory and marvelled at how easy it was to think about her now, with barely any pain.

"Sounds like my kind of person," Astrid replied, watching him with a smile.

Hiccup nodded. "Yeah, I think you two would have gotten along very well," he said wistfully. "You're a lot like her, in many ways. She never had the patience to master an art like archery, though that’s for the better, I think. She was very competitive – not unlike you, if I think back to our occasional horse races.” In general, those were happy memories but he flinched nonetheless, hadn’t meant to remind her of Markor again. But Astrid didn’t seem to mind.

“Mmh. I wish I'd known her. I met a lot of other highborn daughters over the years, but they were all so boring.” She chuckled, then grew quiet again. “And your brother? Teitr? How was he like?”

Hiccup swallowed, and his hand in Astrid’s twitched. “Teitr… he-he was…” He trailed off with a helpless shrug, then tried again. “He was a surprise, in every aspect. After Arndis and me, nobody expected our parents to have more children – not even them. When my mother became pregnant again and gave birth to another healthy boy, it was like a miracle. And that’s how he got treated, too; he got spoiled rotten by everyone.”

“And by you, too?”

Hiccup’s lips twitched into an involuntary smile at her guess. “Most of all by me. You should have seen him… He was so sweet. Brave and curious and always so full of energy, so eager to explore the world.”

Next to him, Astrid sat up, and only when her fingers brushed over his cheek did he notice the lonely tear there. “You loved him a lot, didn’t you?”

Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Hiccup nodded. “It was more than just that, though, he added, a little hesitantly. ”There were many quarrels among the Tribes over the last few years and Father was always busy mediating between the arguing parties. So I often took care of him when Mother had other duties to fulfil – Arndis rarely had the patience for that and I always felt responsible for him – until I kind of… became something of a replacement dad for him?”

Biting his lip, Hiccup dropped his gaze. It brought fresh pain to think of Teitr like this. He’d certainly looked up to Hiccup – and he hadn’t been able to save him.

“Sometimes, he even called me Dad, when he was just learning how to speak and didn’t know the difference mostly, but also a few times when he was older, too, distracted by whatever he wanted to show me.”

He’d never told anyone about this, hadn’t even acknowledged it to himself, but it had happened. Yes, Teitr had been more than just a little brother to him, in a way. Telling Astrid about him, the woman he wanted to start a family with someday, felt both incredibly awkward and absolutely right.

He wasn't sure how he'd expected her to react, but a part of him wasn’t even surprised at how she took it. She wasn’t angry, wasn’t jealous, wasn't rejecting the bond he'd shared with his baby brother as ridiculous. Instead, she offered comfort for his loss, kissing him with the salty taste of sadness on her lips before she straightened to hug him close to her chest. And he could feel it, the sorrow and understanding thrumming through their bond. It showed him again that she was worth it all.

He held her close, his arms wrapped around her waist, and listened to her steadily beating heart until the turmoil in his own chest had settled again. It took a long while, with her all but wrapped around him for comfort, her hands soothingly running through his hair. She seemed to sense when he’d calmed down – or maybe he’d made some noise or movement, Hiccup wasn’t sure – and pulled back to look at him again.

“I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how that must have been for you. I mean… I lost my baby brother, too. But even though I mourn him that obviously wasn’t the same. I never got the chance to know him. So…” She paused, biting her lip. She averted her eyes and looked a little embarrassed, a slight blush on her cheeks. “I don’t know, I don’t want to come across as presumptuous. But I was thinking… Maybe, if that’s okay with you, then we could name our son Teitr. As a memento?”

Hiccup was momentarily stunned. All too well, he remembered the vision they’d shared, remembered the little boy Astrid had held in her arms there. But now, his mind made up details he wasn’t sure had truly been there before; an open but cheeky smile and a pair of green eyes brimming with life and curiosity.

He had to swallow against the lump in his throat but at the same time, he felt warmth spreading from his chest and through his entire body, not erasing the sorrow and pain but making it easier to bear.

“I… Yes, I think I’d like that,” he mumbled with something of a smile creeping onto his face.

When her eyes met his again, there was a deep understanding in them, a reassuring warmth, and just so much love. It made something melt inside him, and with a sigh, a tension he hadn’t known he’d held left his body. He leaned his forehead against Astrid’s, drawing upon her strength. If that was still possible, he loved her even more now.

“Thank you.”

These two words were too weak to express what he felt, but he hoped that she could feel it, his love and gratitude.

Astrid just hummed in response, tilted her head to kiss him lightly, and then leaned against his chest again.

They stayed silent for a long while after that and just basked in each other’s closeness. Hiccup kept caressing her back and shoulders until her breathing became calm and even, her warm weight against his chest telling him that she was falling asleep. Gently, he guided her to lie down, undressed toward a comfortable state, and slipped beneath the sheets next to her. Astrid only woke up for long enough to cuddle into his arms before her consciousness slipped away again.

Hiccup stayed awake for a little while longer, though. He wasn’t tired, despite the long day, and instead was content with watching her in her sleep. There was something of a tentative smile playing around her lips, but some of the tension from before was still there, her worries and fears creeping back into her now unguarded mind.

With a sigh, he leaned down to brush a butterfly kiss to her brow, then whispered, “Don’t worry, Milady. I’ll do better this time. This time, I won’t fail. I will kill a dragon! I’ll do whatever it takes, for our future. For you. I promise– no, I vow to you. This time, I won't mess it up!"

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Uh oh...

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In good news, the next update shouldn't take that long. It's going to be another interlude and it's already completely written out. And also... it comes with a "Minor Character Death" warning...

Next Chapter

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If you want to support me you can buy me a coffee. I love coffee 😊 (Ko-Fi)

[guilty-pleasures-abound]

Sexy Headcanon A-Z Game

Yeeee, thanks for playing, y’all, these were super fun.

To recap:

Stan: A: Aftercare: absolutely all about the cuddling. He’s such a secret softy, he lives for spooning up with his partner (big spoon, naturally), pressing gentle little kisses on the back of their neck as they both fall asleep.

B: Body Part: His jaw. A girl once told him he had the perfect jaw; strong enough to sit on all night, and it was a compliment he took deep to heart and still thinks of with pride. When it comes to his partners, he loves a nice pair of legs. He likes them to be strong, so when he’s got them wrapped around his waist or on either side of his head, he can tell just how good of a job he’s doing by how hard they squeeze him.

C: Cum: He loves to pull out, just as he’s about to come, and cover his partner in his spunk. Their belly, their back, their face. It’s so sexy, like marking his territory with some secret flag.

D: Dirty Secret: He once stuck his dick in a glory hole in a seedy club in Vegas. It was the best head he ever got, and even though he never saw their face, the experience was jerk off fodder for years after.

E: Experience: Experienced enough to be comfortable and confident. Like most, he thinks back on his first few times as a teenager with a degree of cringe, but has most definitely learned and improved since then.

F: Favorite position: doggy style. There’s just something sexy and primal about it; he likes the way his partner’s back arches, the way their ass impacts against his hips. He liked that he can reach around them to play with their nipples or between their legs, or take a fistful of their hair into his hand.

G: Goofy: He’s a funny guy, what can he say? One can’t just turn off that kind of charm because things have moved into the bedroom. Once or twice he’s overstepped, made his partner angry at him, so he’s learned when to be serious and when he can be a bit more playful.

H: Hair: There’s no use. His hair is completely unruly and grows like a weed, so shaving or trimming doesn’t do much, and frankly he doesn’t understand the idea of removing all his body hair anyway. Why would you want to look prepubescent?

I: Intimacy: even when it’s a new partner he just met, he’s going to make sure they know how happy he is to be there. Sex is great, sex is fun, and if he’s lucky enough to go to bed with someone (even if it’s just once) he’s not going to hold back on making sure they know it.

J: Jack-off: Stan loves to jack off in the shower. It’s efficient, it’s relaxing, and it makes him feel ready for whatever he’s doing after that; whether it’s being Mr Mystery or winding down for bed in the evening. Sometimes he just kind of let’s his mind wander, and sometimes he thinks about past hookups, or occasionally a hot tourist that came through the Shack that he wished he could have had a fling with.

K: Kink: Bondage. He’s been powerless too many damn times in his life, so having control over somebody else, being able to completely control their movement, their position, if they can touch him or not, makes him feel powerful and strong.

L: Location: Unlike Ford, Stan finds it thrilling to fuck in public places. Not town square public, mind you, but in the museum of the Shack? The seats of the Stan Mobile? Hell, out on Lake Gravity Falls in his little Stan O’War boat? There’s something thrilling about it that energizes him like nothing else.

M: Motivation:Stan is all about the visuals. He absolutely loves a good striptease, sexy clothes, sexy underwear. He loves when his partner plays those “what? I’m just bending over to pick up this pen” kind of games, and will play right along until he’s too wound up to keep himself from pulling them into the first private room available to fuck them silly.

N: No: The only time he wants to make someone bleed is if he’s in a real fight; otherwise the idea of drawing blood from a partner freaks him all kinds of out. That’s why he’s totally on board with a bit of rough play like spanking, but would never use tools that could break skin. He doesn’t want to do that kind of damage.

O: Oral: Looooooves it. Loves giving it, loves receiving it. Loves the taste of his partners, loves the taste of himself in their mouths. He’s the kind of guy that takes shortcuts in almost everything else in life, but when it comes to this, he takes the long route. Building his partner up slowly, luxuriating in the sounds they make, the way they clutch his hair and shoulders. He’ll do it as long as they let him.

P: Pace: He likes to pretend to like it fast and dirty (and sometimes that’s true), but he’s such a secret softy, so happy when he gets the opportunity to take it slow and gentle. He loves to take his time, really enjoy everything, drink in as much of the experience as he can for as long as he can.

Q: Quickie: He’s always loved the thrill of a quick fling, especially when it’s someplace they shouldn’t be fucking. It’s like the thrill of pulling off a crime, except he gets an orgasm out of it. It’s especially enjoyable when it’s a partner he has an ongoing relationship with, as he learns what gets them off quickly and satisfyingly.

R: Risk: Stan’s a bit more reserved about trying new things in the bedroom. He knows what he’s good at, so throwing him something new makes him nervous; he’s afraid of being bad at it and driving his partner away as a result. He’ll come around to most things, given enough time, reassurance, and the opportunity to learn about it, but not always.

S: Stamina: He can’t go for hours, but boy does he make the time he can go count, making sure that his partner is comfortable and happy. It’s part of why he loves foreplay so much; he just loves proving that you don’t have to last for ages and ages to make your partner feel good.

T: Toy: he’s a simple guy with simple tastes; he’s not gonna knock toys, but he’s not real interested in them. He’ll use them on his partners if they want them, but he’d much rather use his fingers or his mouth to get them off.

U: Unfair: He’s the worst. He loves to tease, loves to wind his partner up then leave them wanting; that little bit of a sadistic streak in him coming through. He’s a good sport about the teasing being given back to him, though, loving it when his partners brush against him then fake innocence, or play games where he can look but he can’t touch. The waiting and teasing makes the eventual victory all the more sweet and intense, which is exactly the kind of thrill he’s down for.

V: Volume: Noisy. Not outrageously so, but there is an abundance of groaning and grunting when he’s really deep into it. He curses and moans when he comes, too, which has more than once earned him a hand clamped over his mouth to quiet him.

W: Wild Card: there was a girl he met on the road who was all kinds of wild. He was so enamored that he let her convince him to try on her panties; they were lacy and sky blue, and he was genuinely shocked at how much of a turn on it was to see himself in them in her bedroom mirror. It was something he tried to push to the back of his mind since then, but sometimes he remembers and is almost tempted to buy a pair–you know, for nostalgia’s sake. Almost tempted.

X: X-ray: Just like Ford, Stan is thick. He’s an average length but his girth is what leaves his partners melting around him.

Y: Yearning: Not as high as you might think. It’s higher when he has a partner he’s really keen on, but going without sex for long periods isn’t the worst torture imaginable for him.

Z: Zzz: Oh right away! Don’t look to him for long pillow talks, he’s half asleep by the time he pulls off the condom.

Ford: A: Aftercare: he’s very considerate after sex. He’ll go get a washcloth, tidy his partner up, make sure they’re comfortable. He’s not into cuddling all night, preferring a bit of personal space to sleep, but he doesn’t mind a hand on his arm or his shoulder; just a little bit of contact to remind him he’s not alone.

B: Body Part: His shoulders. When he and Stan hit puberty, it felt like Stan left him in the dust for a little bit, but once he really reached adulthood, he finally felt powerful in his own skin. Part of that was how broad his shoulders became, and he made sure the rest of his body was just as strong. When it comes to his partners, he tends to favor nice necks; it’s such an erogenous zone for most people, and something he can inconspicuously touch and kiss, even when in the company of others.

C: Cum: He’s ashamed of how much the idea of coming inside his partner makes him so freaking hot. Partly because it’s an act of trust, and that’s an important factor in his sex life anyway, and partly because in a brain like his, so focused on science–on math and facts and logic-ing his way through any situation–the desire for sex and idea of breeding taps into some primal part of his brain that makes everything else shut off.

D: Dirty Secret: He likes being called a slut in bed. It’s so not what he is, he can count on one hand the number of partners he’s had in his life, but the implication that he’s doing something dirty and naughty by having sex gets him hot.

E: Experience: He was a “late bloomer.” He didn’t have his first sexual experience until well into adulthood, and technically not in this dimension. He eventually learned its value to his life and mental wellbeing, becoming far more open and exploring of it as he traveled.

F: Favorite position: Ford loves having his partner on top. It frees up his hands to touch and stimulate, and allows him to watch their reactions to everything he does.

G: Goofy: He’s never really been one for jokes, that was always Stan’s department. That’s not to say he’s super serious in bed all the time, he knows how to have a bit of levity and fun, but he’s not interested in it becoming a laugh fest by being silly.

H: Hair: Ford doesn’t bother shaving or trimming his body hair, he’s got more important things to worry about. And honestly he hasn’t had any complaints, so he’s not about to start fussing with it now.

I: Intimacy: he’s not about flings or one-night stands, so if he’s with someone, it’s going to be intimate. It’s going to be about the connection between them, the mutual attraction and affection. He’s going be deeply invested in their pleasure, their comfort, and knowing exactly what he feels for them.

J: Jack-Off: He honestly can’t remember the last time he jerked off in bed; he does it when he gets restless, or hits a roadblock with one of his experiments, so that usually mean masturbating down in the lab. (Thank god he had the forethought to have an incinerator down there, or the used tissues would really make things awkward when Dipper came down.) It helps him clear his head and get focused, so he doesn’t tend to think about anything specific, just letting his mind go blank until he comes.

K: Kink: Voyeurism. Started the first time he accidentally caught a couple hooking up under the boardwalk, and realized how much harder it got him than porn ever did. Something about actually seeing it in person just gets him.

L: Location: In a bed is his favorite for sure. A bed was never guaranteed when he was drifting between dimensions, so having one available to him, especially for something so pleasurable as sex, is something he deeply values.

M: Motivation: Ford’s sex drive is deeply influenced by his state of mind, so simply feeling him up won’t get him turned on. Dirty talk is a useful tool in this regard; tell him what you want him to do to you, what you want to do to him, how good it will all feel, how good he is at it–that all goes a long way to get his undivided attention and his very intense arousal.

N: No: Public sex. It takes time for him to trust someone enough to be intimate with them, so the chance that someone else might catch him in such an intimate state (an inherent gamble when in a public place) makes him far too nervous.

O: Oral: When given to him, he likes it as foreplay, but not to finish. And where Stan loves to just go and go for as long as his partner will let him, Ford is less interested in doing that; preferring to get his partner off quickly and efficiently with his mouth before moving on to the next thing he wants to do.

P: Pace: When he’s focusing on the other person, he wants to do what they need to get there, but when it’s his turn, hard and quick is key.

Q: Quickie: He’s mastered quickies. He doesn’t perfect his skills at getting his partner off for nothing; being able to do it in record time but still leave them satisfied is a point of personal pride for him. He likes the challenge, he likes the sense of thrill from trying to “beat the clock” so to speak, especially when the quickie takes place down in the lab while he’s running an experiment.

R: Risk: He’s lived a life of danger, experimenting in the bedroom doesn’t scare him. As long as there’s no high risk of imminent death or permanent damage, he’ll try anything once.

S: Stamina: He is very proud of his level of fitness, and that absolutely translates to the bedroom. He can go as long as you need him to, his athleticism a boon for maintaining pace and intensity that satisfies his partner. He needs a little time to recover after he’s climaxed to be able to engage in a second round, but he’s more than happy to provide other stimulation until then.

T: Toy: he’s encountered some stuff in the multi-verse that would blow earth’s collective minds. Stuff that taps directly into your nervous system to give you the maximum pleasure a body’s capable of, just as one example. Sadly he was unable to bring any of it back with him; priorities, after all, he had a monstrous triangle to defeat. He does like toys in general, though; he’s into gadgets, what can he say? His favorite for himself is a vibrating butt plug; he is unashamed of the fact that prostate stimulation makes orgasms more intense, and a good butt plug delivers that in spades. When it comes to partners, his favorite will always be whatever toy they have that gets them off the hardest.

U: Unfair: Shockingly impatient. He doesn’t really do the “teasing” thing well, getting hungry and demanding fairly rapidly. He doesn’t respond well to it either, “playing hard to get” just not coming across for him, and instead leaving him thinking that he has done something wrong that warrants his lover’s dismissal.

V: Volume: Quiet, just the occasional gasp and soft moan or grunt of effort. He’d rather hear his partner’s sounds of pleasure.

W: Wild card: His love of roleplay doesn’t end with Dungeons, Dungeons & More Dungeons. Actually, bring the campaign into the bedroom and it would make his year.

X: X-ray: Ford is thick. It wasn’t something he really thought much about until he had a partner compliment him on it; which brought to his attention the apparent opinion among many that when it comes to dicks, length is not as good as width.

Y: Yearning: Fairly high. He masturbates nearly every day, even when he has a regular partner. Having sex with a partner is better though, taking his focus out of his own head and into someone else, which helps him destress and clear his mind, frequently leading him to breakthroughs in his research and inventing.

Z: Zzz: Definitely takes him a while. He doesn’t sleep much anyway, and while sex can sometimes help, it’s not a cure-all. He takes the time afterwards to talk to his partner, maybe engage in some light cuddling, or maybe just observing them as they drift off. Sometimes he’ll get up after they’ve gone to sleep, throwing on comfy clothes and heading downstairs to make himself some tea or coffee, maybe check on an ongoing experiment, or do some reading or journaling.

[carlottastudios]

Can I just say it?

There are some really. Really. Fucking. FANTASTIC! People! On this site.

And I’m going to call out those I know right here right now.

@with-this-crownofthorns

Probably the first fellow Storm Hawker I actually chatted with on this site. And whom I swear I don’t talk to enough. In all of our interactions, you have been sweet and funny and just so nice! Please can we talk Storm Hawks sometime and scream together about how much we physically and psychologically need this show to return?

@stormageddon-101

I already called you out in a recent post, friend, but I AIN’T FINISHED! I swear to the gods, you are, in my eyes, one of the most bombastic, awesome and badass fans out there! And now I just love talking to you so much! I am legit ecstatic that I got to connect with you again after, what, years of relative silence? Yeah, we knew each other on DA and we found each other again. Not just with Storm Hawks, but also Voltron and The Dragon Prince, and maybe more, who knows?! We share many interests, but we also have our differences (as our current chat here on Tumblr no doubt proves), and I just find that amazing. You’re a mother effin storm queen, my friend. And you make me so so happy.

@melonstar21

YOU! You magical pixie of liking ALL OF MY POSTS?!?!!!! I know I’ve already thanked you before, but I’m going to do it again! Thank you! So very much! Don’t think for a second I don’t notice how your likes make up 80% of my activity page, AT LEAST. I’m shocked and touched and amazed that you keep up with my random-ass self so again, thank you!

@mx-kit

Buddy. Fren. Bruh. KIT! You already know you are DA BEST! DA! BEST! I can’t say it enough!!! Your crazy matches my crazy and our daily chats on Discord never cease to fill me with joy!!! You are incredibly generous with your drawings and your time and your sheer enthusiasm, and you are one of the kindest and most wholesome people I’ve ever had the utter joy of meeting on this or any site. I can’t even remember how I managed to luck myself into our friendship, but I’m so goddamn happy the universe saw fit to bring us together. I swear if/when we meet IRL, your ribs are going to be in serious danger because I’m gonna hug the shit out of you and just-GODS! I can’t stress this enough! You’re oodles and oodles of wonderful and I’m so grateful to you for blessing me with your presence.

@sunder-the-gold

How such a clear genius and master of common sense and logic came to view my blog as worth their attention is beyond me. I take so much joy in reading your thoughts in your many, many, MANY posts. You inspire to want to think more and type more in my comments, though your seemingly endless energy almost exhausts me just watching my dash fill to the brim with your reblogs. I don’t think we’ve ever had the chance to talk at length, but regardless, I admire you a lot and respect you and think you’ve more than earned this callout.

@mojo72400

Like Sunder, we haven’t known each other long. But it is still mind-boggling to me how we share SO MANY RWBY SHIPS! Like, it is SO uncanny! You’re very fun to talk to and I love your RWBY Husbands posts: they never fail to make me laugh or grin and they’re just a ray of sunshine! Keep doing what you’re doing, my friend! You’re doing it so well!!!

@lightning-claw

I swear to the gods, you. Yes, you! YOU are the flaming light that’s keeping the Storm Hawks fandom alive! At least on this site! I just-I just can never EVER get enough of you or your posts! You’re such a wonder and you just fill my little Storm Hawker heart with tons of joy and happiness and UGH! LET ME WALLOP-HUG YOU, ATMOSIAN SENPAI!!!

@cloudburst-paint-water

Again, we have not known each other long, fellow Hawker. And hopefully that will change!!! I’m always so happy to receive an ask from you and would be more than happy to chat Storm Hawks (or whatever other fandom we have in common) with you!!! Also, you too are a sugary-sweet magical glittery like pixie. Be proud of that fact.

@laserdog10

A new member of the like-fairy army, hmm? Except it’s not just likes for you, isn’t it? Nah. YOU REBLOG MY S**T! AND YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY!!! THANK YOOOOUUUUUUU!!!

@maxgentlman2

Another fellow Hawker I have recently began to call friend. I just-Thank you! Thank you for existing and being here and writing and having so many ideas and sharing them and blessing me and everyone with your lovely self! I’m sorry I don’t reply to you as often or as quickly as you deserve. Because you deserve to be showered in notes and praise of all sorts! Thank you so much!

@p-r-imeday

We knew each other back on DA, and yet here we are, also on Tumblr! Also, I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I’ll be honest, I don’t even remember where and/or how our aquaintanceship (friendship?) started. But like a phoenix, it’s rising again from the ashes, and I’m so happy it is! You are legit hilarious and so very talented and I want to chat with you again!

@esperhuntress

Your majesty. Your ladyship. Your grace. QUEEN OF OZGLYN!!! I am legit blessed to have found you as an RP partner, and I lament only that we don’t speak nearly as often as I wish we did and that I no doubt strain your patience with my late late LATE LATE LAAAAATE replies. Of course I understand that you’re busy, and I absolutely will not try to force myself on you by trying to chat with you at inconvenient times, but just please know that you’re amazing and lovely and I’m so happy you are not only my favourite Glynda, but also one of my first ever friends in the OzGlyn niche of RWBY. And I’m so grateful. (And so ridiculously sorry for keeping you waiting in our thread DX)

There are more lovely, decent people I could call out, and who deserve to be called out, but my hand is getting really tired from typing, so I’m just going to tag some of you:

@ozcarpin, @tellme-professorozpin, @deeptrashfury, @ozpin-defense-squad, @ya-boi-aerrow, @luveus, @chuckles-the-jester

And to everyone who I tagged and to every decent person out there I haven’t tagged: I love you. I love you all so much! Thank you for putting up with this hellsite to grace it with your presence. Decent people like all of you really make the world a better place.

[adilynia-kiden]

For Them: Part Two

PART ONE

“TITANS FUCKING BALLS, PIXIE!”Raelin’s voice is the first thing I hear after almost 12 hours of being sequestered away. His wide eyes taking me in are enough to make my cheeks turn pink while I shove his shoulder  gently and adjust the collar of his shirt.

“I will literally vomit all over you if you make one snide comment right now…” My threat is playful, but he knows there is a grain of truth in it, as my nerves have been his constant companion for over a century and a half. But he doesn’t shoot back with a witty and sarcastic comment, because he’s too busy trying to wipe away the tears at the corners of his eyes when they rise and settle on my hair.

“T-Those are…Vinnie’s braids…” Funny, I wondered if he would even notice, but his hand moves to the braid in his own hair that holds a lock of my sisters and I know his thoughts drift to the Shadowlands and the Rose that awaits his arrival. Brilaria is right there to wrap her arm around his waist in support, as my best friend rarely falters, but even he needs a moment to compose himself every once in awhile.

I’ve never seen Tanner without something to say, as I swear he hasn’t stopped talking since I met him. He’s surprisingly solemn right now, and I don’t think he knows what to make of me dressed like this, as he is more used to the sight of my armor than glittering gemstones and golden gowns.

The first thing he does after looking me over from head to toes with the eyes of a squire is render a flawless salute that makes me smile. The respectful gesture doesn’t last long, as in the next heartbeat he’s awkwardly trying to wrap his arms around me for a hug, but can’t seem to decide where to place his limbs as to not disturb any detail of my appearance.

“Light bless, Tanner…I’m not going to break!” Not, not today. Not ever. He knows. We don’t break.

I can tug my dress into place and Bri can fix my hair, but Tanner’s hugs are one of the best things about him, and I could use one right now.  I think maybe he does too given how tightly he holds onto me for much longer than I expected.

The clearing of a throat is what draws us apart with matched shy and sheepish expressions as I reach up to ruffle his hair and tug his black and gold tunic to straighten the gig line.

My focus is drawn to the soft expression of my father who stands over Tanner’s left shoulder with a look of pride and adoration that accents the laugh lines around his eyes. He’s caught somewhere between the present and wistful memories as he steps forward to brush his fingers tenderly against my cheek.  “Dame Adilynia Silverfall, you… look like your mother.”

“P-Papa… don’t you start...” The laugh in my throat gets caught a seeing his crystal blue eyes misting over, and hearing the weight of his emotions in the lofty comparison he makes. He understands the honor I have been given today, and I know his heart swells with pride for the little girl he used to bounce on his knee, but I need his strength right now.  I have seen my father cry far too often, and I will be a mess if he starts now.

“Let’s get this party started!” Anything else that might have been said between Papa and I is interrupted by Raelin’s abrupt control on his emotions and the excited clapping of his large hands at the prospect of the celebration to come. He’s got the best timing to bring smiles to our faces in breaking up the stifling emotions that have left Papa and I quiet.

“Yes, lets…” Brilaria interjects, “…because if either of you are the cause for her ruined eyeliner, I will burn your casks of Wildhammer Stout the next time they are delivered.” Her threat earns a hysterical scowl from my father and best friend that curls her smile to devious intention. I have little doubt Bri make good on her threat… there’s a reason we call her the Hellcat.

“Shall we, Pixie?” Papa says, offering his arm for me to take and returning to the nickname I have held as a child in an attempt to comfort my frazzled nerves, for which I am exceptionally grateful.  

My hesitation confuses him as I start to reach for the offered limb, only to draw back at the last second and take a step from his side.

“I...t-think… this is something I need to do alone, Papa…” I hope he understands why I need to do this. Why it matters that I step out of those doors on my own and not clinging to his arm like I did the night I was presented in the Thalassian court.  

The duality of this event is not lost on me. On one hand, Teren and Lycan’s wedding is cause for nothing short of absolute and complete happiness that I will celebrate with every shred of my heart. On the other, I am not ignorant of the political gathering this event is likely to be. I am well aware my every move will be watched, judged, measured and no doubt found wanting by most of those in attendance today.I’ll be damned if they will see me break under this pressure when I know there is so much more to come in my pursuing a Nishanian citizenship. We don’t break.

“I can’t let them see my cracks… n-not today.”  My voice sounds weak, but regardless of the lingering moment of sadness in my father’s eyes, I know he understands whyI have refused his arm. Today I need to be perfect and with MY merits and strengths applied to bear the honors I carry for Teren and Lycan, on my own…

My father’s encouraging smile and firm nod of understanding lift a weight from my shoulders as he silently reminds me to straighten my posture, as he done a hundred times before when we’ve entered a public event together. His his broad frame shifts noticeably to take his own advice while offering his arm to Brilaria with a wink shared between them.  

“Looks like it’s you and me, kid!” Raelin says as Tanner falls in step at his side with a roll of his eyes at my best friend’s goofy grin.

Moving gracefully as one unit, my family and I make our way to the wedding event itself with the staccato click of Brilaria’s heels matched to the thunderous sound of my heart in my ears.  

The pause as the doors open seems like it takes forever, but it’s really just my heart stopping at the sight of the LITERAL thousands of people gathered outside of Teren’s mansion and beyond the gates to celebrate in their happy day.  Eonar grant me strength.

Truthfully, I’m not even the sure the Titans can help me now.

My heads full of fog and the edges of my vision are turning dark… My legs are filling with lead and refuse to move… I can’t even feel my hands, but I know they are shaking… I don’t even remember my own name…nononono… I c-can’t breathe…

“No cracks.” The two words, spoken in the combined voices of my family, arrive like ambrosia to my spiraling panic and provide the lifeline I need to find my strength. The echo of it bounces around inside my head to amplify and Titanforge my spine until the air in my burning lungs escapes in a surprisingly controlled exhale and return of my visual focus.

I can do this. I will do this.

I count six steps as my family moves away from me in a symbolic moment that leaves me with no formal escort for the evening. I have chosen to face the hundreds, if not thousands of pairs of eyes that now stare at me, alone.

Why?

Because...all of this; the jewels, gown, inks on my skin and braids in my hair have been done for one singular purpose; them.

I will face my fears and swallow my nerves to be perfect for them today. I will be brave like my mother and sister, and strong like my father and Raelin. I will be poised and ready for battle in a gilded gown like Brilaria, and humble and grateful like Tanner.

Because of my family, I will be what Teren and Lycan need and want today. I will carry these tributes and honors they have given me with all the grace and pride that they deserve.They want me here.

All of this...all of me... …is for them

(( @ironbound-praetorium @silverfall-patriarch  for the SL mentions.))

[eightcurioussouls]

CHAPTER 10: SHAKE MY HAND

   The moment the children had stepped out of the Ruins, bitter cold had assaulted them, except a select few, who were the kids wearing long sleeves.

   Andres had blinked at the few freezing kids, confused, “Why’re y'all shiverin’?” He asked, head tilting slightly.

   Cason gave a soft, chilling chuckle, “Just- just the snow, Andres.” He replied, Diction sighed, “Cason, you are in shorts, a short sleeved shirt and a bandanna- and the gloves! Honestly, you'll freeze.” The boy removed his jacket, dumping it on him with yet another sigh, Cason gave a small, grateful nod.

   “Anyways- doesn't this road look a tad bit… long?” Vic asked, gesturing to their only way forward, “What if- something pops up along the way? It's a tad risky.” Gracie gave him a look, and smiled, “Well, we should go check it, right?” She asked, giggling softly, “The more we check, the more we know!” “Yeah, yeah…” He sighed, and began to walk, Frisk on his tail, and the others soon followed.

   As they walked, the children chatted happily, Oli, despite the cold, was skipping around.

   And Andres, having walked ahead of everyone for a moment, ended up coming across a stick.

   “Hey- guys! Check it!” He called out, gesturing to it, everyone crowded around it, murmuring.

   “* It’s a tough-looking branch, it’s too heavy to pick up.” “...” “Do ya think it fell from a great height?” “It would’ve snapped to pieces, otherwise.” “It's a pretty big stick….” “I don't think we can pick it up.” “Duh, genius! Cason is trying to do that!” Victor listened to the others, ‘...So they can’t hear Choc, huh?’ He thought.

   Frisk broke up the conversation with a gesture to carry on.

   And so they did, however....

   C r u n c h.

   The cowboy spun to look at what did the noise, and stared at the now-broken stick.

   “...” He seemed to have kicked into high alert, turning to rush back to the others.

   And they continued walking.

   The sounds of happy chatting had resumed, at some point, Diction had turned to look behind them.

   And caught the sight of something moving, he froze up, eyes widening.

   Frisk tugged his sleeve, having noticed him freeze, he glanced at them, relaxing slightly.

   ‘What’s wrong?’ “Nothing, kid.” Was his answer, Diction gave a shaky grin, “Let’s keep going.”

   And they kept walking.

   Soon enough, they came to a barred bridge, they looked between each other, confused.

   And then they all froze up, were those… footsteps?

   They were getting closer, and closer…

   S o v e r y  c l o s e . . .

   “H u m a n s.” Andres had reached over, gripping Victor’s hand nervously, his eyes were wide, Victor’s eyes flicked back to him, he didn’t seem as scared.

   “D o n ‘ t  y o u k n o w  h o w t o g r e e t  a n e w p a l ?” Frisk clung to Diction, shaking a bit, Diction bit his lip, maybe he should’ve told the others…

   “T u r n  a r o u n d  a n d s h a k e  m y h a n d .” Cason had place a gloved hand on Oli’s shoulder, to stop the little girl from shaking so hard.

   ...No one turned.

   Except Gracie, who spun around carefully, and reached for the outstretched hand, grabbing it.

   …

   FRRRRRRRRRRRRT-

   Cason absolutely lost it the moment he heard the noise, Oli seemed confused, as did the others, Gracie gave a small, nervous smile.

   “heheh… the old whoopee cushion in the hand trick. it’s ALWAYS funny.” The newcomer spoke, Gracie gasped at their appearance, “You’re…” She stopped herself, thinking it might’ve been rude to point out the fact that this monster is literally no skin and all bones, but he continued, “anyways, you’re all human, right?” “I- well, yes-” “that’s hilarious. i’m sans. sans the skeleton.” The ballerina gave a soft sigh of relief at that, okay, good, he was suppose to be that way, “i’m actually supposed to be on watch for humans right now.” AND BACK TO THE TENSING.

   “but… y’know… i don’t really care about capturing anybody.” And the sighs of relief.

   “now, my brother, papyrus… he’s a human-hunting FANATIC.” CUE INTERNAL WORRY FROM THE CHILDREN. “hey, actually, i think that’s him over there.” “Oh fuck-” “i have an idea. go through this gate thingy.” “You want us to wHAT-” “yeah, go right through, my bro made the bars too wide to stop anyone.” “I… I mean…” And he’s ushering them all through.

   Once through, Sans pointed at… seven lamps, why were there seven lamps there, “quick, behind those conveniently-shaped lamps.” The children looked between each other, going behind their respective lamps, some found this to be goddamn hilarious, especially Victor and Cason, of all people.

   They quietened down upon hearing footsteps nearby, coming closer and closer until…

   “s’up, bro?” Sans started, and he was answered with a loud voice, “YOU KNOW WHAT’S ‘S’UP’, BROTHER!” They started, “IT’S BEEN EIGHT DAYS AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T RECALIBRATED. YOUR. PUZZLES! YOU JUST HANG AROUND OUTSIDE YOUR STATION! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING?!” “staring at these lamps. they’re really cool. do you wanna look?” Victor had peeked slightly out of his lamp’s hiding space to draw his finger across his throat to the skeleton, eyes narrowed, “I will fucking murder you if you give us away.” He hissed lowly.

   “NO!!” Papyrus exclaimed, “I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THAT! WHAT IF A HUMAN COMES THROUGH HERE!?!” The taller skeleton stomped his foot on the snow, “I WANT TO BE READY! I WILL BE THE ONE, I MUST BE THE ONE!” He huffed, “I WILL CAPTURE A HUMAN!” He placed his hand on his chest, having stopped stomping, “THEN, I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS… WILL GET ALL THE THINGS I UTTERLY DESERVE!” Diction looked at Victor, “First impression?” “Kinda conceited, but…” “RESPECT... RECOGNITION… I WILL FINALLY BE ABLE TO JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD.” Papyrus continued, Vic chuckled, “I think his heart is in the right place- wait, what’s a Royal Guard?” Vic whispered, eyes widening, Diction shrugged, “Let’s hope we don’t find out.”

   Though, Papyrus continued with his speech, his brother listening in, “PEOPLE WILL ASK, TO, BE MY, ‘FRIEND’? I WILL BATHE IN A SHOWER OF KISSES EVERY MORNING.” Sans gave a chuckle, “hmm...” He started, “maybe these lamps can help you.” “BITCH SHUT YOUR FUCK-” Victor hissed, though, he was interrupted by Papyrus, “SANS!! YOU ARE NOT HELPING!! YOU LAZYBONES!! ALL YOU DO IS SIT AND BOONDOGGLE!!” “Boon-” Diction started, “Boon-what now-” “YOU GET LAZIER AND LAZIER EVERY DAY!!” “Roasted.” Andres quipped, “hey, take it easy, i got a ton of work done.” Sans started, there’s a small pause.

  “A skele-ton.” For a second there, Sans had turned to someone and winked, but who knows who it was, the sound of a ‘ba-dum-tss’ was heard, Andres giggled at that and Vic almost lost it in a small fit of rage.

   Victor hates puns.

   And it seems that Papyrus shares a bit of that sentiment, though he doesn’t seem as aggravated as the apron-clad boy, “SANS!!” He hollered, “come on.” Sans stated, “you’re smiling.” “I AM AND I HATE IT!! UGH…” The skeleton huffed yet again, “WHY DOES SOMEONE AS GREAT AS ME… HAVE TO DO SO MUCH JUST TO GET SOME RECOGNITION?” “wow, sounds like you’re really working yourself…” And Vic groans, here it comes again.

   “down to the bone.” And he does it again, he turns, winks off at someone, whoever they may be, as well as the ‘ba-dum-tss’, and turned back, grinning, “UGH!!” Papyrus groaned as well, “I WILL ATTEND TO MY PUZZLES.” He stated, recollecting himself, “AS FOR YOUR WORK.” He started, “PUT A LITTLE MORE… ‘BACKBONE’ INTO IT!!! NYEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!” And off he goes, turning his heel and leaving.

   Though he does return for a second with a final “HEH!” and then, truly left.

   A blanket of silence befell the area, and Sans broke it with a chuckle, “ok, you can come out now.”

   And one by one, the children- some reluctant to do so- shuffled out from behind the lamps, they gave a look to Sans, who, again, chuckled, “you all oughta get going, he might come back. and if he does… well, you’ll have to sit through more of my hilarious jokes.” “Yeah that’s it we’re going.” Vic grabbed Cason by his wrist, heading off, the others looked between each other, and Gracie sighed, “Let’s go.” She murmured, and off they went.

   Before they could, though, Sans piped up, and they looked at him, “actually, hey… hate to bother ya, but can you all do me a favour?” He asked, Diction tilted his head, “Oh..?” “i was thinking, my brother’s been kind of down lately.” The skeleton admitted, “he’s never seen a human before- let alone seven, and seeing you all just might make his day.” The children looked between each other, “don’t worry, he’s not dangerous.” Sans added, “even if he tries to be.” He chuckled, “thanks a million, i’ll be up ahead.” And… he turns on his heel and goes back the way they all came.

   Silence overcame the children yet again, though, Vic broke it.

   “I have a question.” “Yes, Vic?” Diction murmured.

   “WHAT, THE KRIS-KRINGLING FUCK, WAS ALL THAT ABOUT?!” The older children burst into a fit of laughter- Gracie blushed and quietly told the younger children to never repeat anything the boy says.

   With that, they were quick to head on- chatter rising from the group, within the next area, one of those stars lay- Micah was quick to grab it and save, Andres was marvelling over the the snow, giggling softly, “When can we play in it?” He asked, yellow eyes wide, Gracie gave a small smile, and patted his shoulder, “Soon, dear.” The girl cooed, Cason had gone up to their left and came back, looking a bit sad, he earned some quizzical looks, and all he could muster was; “There was some sort of note saying to call someone, my phone is dead…” Victor snorted, covering his mouth, though he doesn’t make a witty comment.

   They head onwards, and the first they note- those two again. Diction raised an eyebrow, slowly pushing the other children behind him.

   “SO, AS I WAS SAYING ABOUT UNDYNE-” Papyrus started, but he caught sight of the group, and looked to Sans, who, when he turns back to, turns to look at the group, they repeated this, slowly getting faster and faster until they were flat out spinning- the kids looked between themselves in mutual concern- before they both turn their backs, “SANS!! OH MY GOD!! ARE THOSE... HUMANS?!?!?!” They turn back to the group, the tall blonde raises an eyebrow at them.

   Sans leans to his side ever-so-slightly, a thing only Diction had noticed, “actually… i think those are rocks.” He pointed out, and Diction looks behind him, noticing three, four rocks behind the group, he rolled his eyes, turning back to the skeletons- Oli’s grip of fear on his hand was tight.

   “OH.” Papyrus slumped a bit at that, and Sans makes a glance towards the group, “hey, what’re those in front of the rocks?” He asked, and Papyrus turns to look at them, eye sockets lighting up, “OH MY GOD!!!” He yelled, and leaned towards Sans, “(ARE… ARE THOSE HUMANS.)” He whisper-yelled, Sans winked, “(yes.)” The taller skeleton gasps, looking to them, “OH MY GOD!!!!” He exclaimed, and Diction sighed, “My e a r s.” He grumbled, frowning.

   “SANS! I FINALLY DID IT!!” Papyrus exclaimed, “UNDYNE WILL… I’M GONNA… I’LL BE SO…”

   “POPULAR!!! POPULAR!!! POPULAR!!!” He pauses, “...AHEM.” He regains his composure, and points to the group, “HUMANS! YOU SHALL NOT PASS THIS AREA!” He proclaims boldly, “I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL STOP YOU!! I WILL THEN CAPTURE YOU! YOU WILL BE DELIVERED TO THE CAPITAL! THEN… THEN!!” A pause, “I’M NOT SURE WHAT’S NEXT… IN ANY CASE! CONTINUE, ONLY IF YOU DARE!!” He then proceeded to rush off, yelling ‘NYEH-HEH-HEH’, Diction facepalmed, sighing, Sans turns to them, “well, that went well.” He admitted, “don’t sweat it, kids.” He then winks again, “i’ll keep an eye socket out for ya.” He then heads off after his brother, leaving the kids in silence, Victor takes a deep breath.

   “I’ve decided; I fucking hate the short one in particular.” He stated, Diction rolled his eyes.

   And so they proceed.

(( aaa goodness! this took so long- and i’m sorry it did! i honestly need to post this story more often aaa, anyways, thank you for the patience in waiting for this, and sorry, no pictures this time because i wanted it out! i’m gonna get to the next chapter real soon <3 ))

[fan-fantasies]

Sparks (P.5)

A/N: I got my tickets for Infinity War (even though I work at a theater and could wait and see it for free) and I’m so excited! I definitely won’t have any spoilers in this series or in future imagines for a long time after the movie is out. This plotline is gonna go ahead as if Thanos wasn’t being an eggplant looking asshole trying to destroy everyone we love. Anyway, I hope you guys are still enjoying the series! -Heather

Summary: You’re a prisoner in Wakanda, having used your powers for evil rather than for good. Hoping to redeem yourself, and to help work towards your freedom, you take on the task of fixing Bucky Barnes. Will you succeed and finally earn your freedom (and perhaps a guy to go along with it), or were your crimes too much to ever come back from?

Pairing: (eventual) Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of violence/murder, swearing, (eventual smut in the series)

Masterlist   Marvel Masterlist

Part One Part Two  Part Three Part Four / Part Six

Bucky wriggled his newly calibrated fingers and flexed his new, vibranium arm. He loved how the gold contrasted with the dark metal, showing him that his arm wasn’t only for destruction, but could be beautiful as well. 

Shuri wouldn’t tell him who the visitors were going to be, only that he should be excited. He was almost worried that he was going ot be shown off like some science experiment, but she reassured him that it would be nothing like that. 

You, however, could not care less about the guests that were due to arrive today. It wasn’t like you’d be allowed to see them. It was like you were Wakanda’s dirty little secret, and they preferred to keep it that way. 

Shuri led Bucky through the halls to the front of the palace, where T’Challa and Okoye were already waiting. He greeted them both and they greeted him warmly in turn. 

“Glad to see you are feeling better, Sargent Barnes,” T’Challa smiled. 

“Please, call me Bucky,” he nodded. Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, one of the king’s jets appeared in the sky. It carefully made it’s way down in front of them and landed. 

The back of the jet opened and out walked someone who looked very much like Steve and someone who looked very much like Natasha, and then just Sam. Steve had grown his hair out and was sporting a beard while Natasha was blonde. Bucky didn’t know what surprised him more, the fact that they were there, or that they looked so different.

A smile graced his features none the less as the group approached them. Steve nodded at T’Challa before standing in front of Bucky. 

“Hey, Buck, how are you doing?” He asked, not able to keep the smile off of his face.

“Pretty good. Not as good as the beard though,” he joked. Steve chuckled and shook his head before pulling Bucky into a hug. 

“Good to see you up and about, Barnes,” Sam mumbled in the back. Bucky looked over at him and smiled. As much as he and Birdman didn’t get along, he was happy to see some familiar faces. 

Speaking of familiar, he looked over at Natasha who seemed to be deep in conversation with Shuri and Wanda. Those were three powerful women Buck did not want to be on the bad side of.

“Shall we go inside?” Okoye asked. The group nodded and headed back inside. Bucky had been given his own living quarters inside the palace so he could not have to travel back and forth for arm testing and now to see Steve. 

“So what’s new?” Bucky asked. 

“Traveling, trying to stay out of focus from the media and some others who aren’t too happy with us,” Sam answered before Steve could. Bucky felt a pang of guilt, knowing he was the reason they had to run. Steve gave him a knowing look before giving him some more details of what they had all been up to. 

“What about you? Wakanda treating you well?” Steve asked as they all sat around a table with some coffee. 

“Yeah, it’s really great here,” Bucky smiled fondly thinking of his time in the beautiful country.

“Wanda seems to really like it here too,” Sam acknowledged. “She said your treatment went well.” 

“Yeah, she and (Y/N) really helped me out,” he blushed a little speaking your name. He wondered if you would be joining them at any point. He would like for Steve to meet you, maybe get his take on things. 

“Who’s (Y/N)?” Sam asked. Bucky rolled his eyes, not wanting to have to explain you to Sam. 

“Someone who helped Wanda fix me,” he gave the simplified answer. If he was being honest, he would have told them that you were beautiful and funny and tough. You were sassy enough to handle Sam but wounded enough to understand Bucky’s struggles. You were the one that chased Bucky’s nightmares away and kept his thoughts company every night.

“Why haven’t we met her?” Steve asked. Bucky was surprised as he thought Steve knew about the details of his treatment. 

“You mean they didn’t tell you?” Bucky asked. Steve looked increasingly anxious.

“All they said was that Wanda was going to see if she could extract the memories from your head. We went off the grid and only recently got back in contact with T’Challa. He gave us the news that you were back in action,” Steve informed his oldest friend.

“So who is this (Y/N) chick? And more importantly, is she hot?” Sam asked with a smirk. Bucky gave him an unimpressed look. 

“Maybe Shuri should explain more about her,” Bucky sighed. Steve shook his head.

“Just tell us.”

Several moments later

Steve burst into the lab where Shuri was currently working with an angry look on his face. 

“You let a murderer inside his head?! She could have killed him!” He screamed before the poor girl could even turn to face him. “You should have asked me first!”

“We tried to reach you, Captain Rogers, but you were simply unable to receive communications. I assure you, (Y/N) was under the highest supervision and was very secure. We would not have taken that risk if it was not expertly calculated and absolutely necessary,” she told him calmly.

“You should have exhausted every option before turning to that,” he growled.  

“The risk paid off. Bucky is safe because of her. She is not my favorite person either but I cannot deny her vital role in saving him. They seem to have had a positive effect on one another,” Shuri explained. Steve was not happy about her decision, but he was glad that Bucky was better. And the way Bucky talked about you, he knew there was something about you that Bucky thought was worth saving.

“I want to meet her.” 

“That can be arranged,” Shuri nodded before turning back to her work.

At Dinner

You sat in your cell drawing and writing whatever you felt like. You heard the lock on the door being disarmed and it swung open, revealing Shuri. 

“Would you care to accompany me to dinner?” Shuri asked you. You shrugged your shoulders and stood up, the guards ready to cuff you. You held out your hands but Shuri shook her head. 

“That will be unnecessary. Right, (Y/N)?” She looked at you. Your jaw dropped in surprise but you nodded nonetheless. You were hoping that you would be having dinner with Bucky and you knew you had to behave. Things had never been that good there and you wanted it to stay that way. You weren’t sure what you expected to get from your friendship with Bucky. You couldn’t deny your attraction for him but you were a bad guy, and he was a good guy.

You walked into a dining hall and smiled as you saw Bucky seated at a long table. You went to take a seat next to him but Wanda quickly grabbed the seat you were headed for. You were going to go to his other side but a blonde woman practically lunged forward into the seat. Bucky gave you a sad smile and you took the seat next to Shuri and Okoye. 

You watched carefully as the blonde seemed to be sitting too close to Bucky speaking in another language, Russian, you guessed. Bucky was smiling and going along with whatever she was saying. Your heart began to sink into your stomach.

“So you’re the famous (Y/N)?” A blonde man with a beard asked. 

“Infamous seems to fit better,” you smirked. 

“But you fixed tinman over there?” A dark-skinned man without a Wakandan accent asked. 

“She helped,” Wanda answered. You gave her an eye roll.

“She was the brains and I was the brawn. Well, technically Bucky was the brain, but you get the idea.” 

“So you used your electrical ability for good instead of murder this time?” The blonde asked with a smug smirk. 

“And who the fuck are you supposed to be?” You snapped.

“Bucky didn’t tell you about me? We go way back,” she smirked and laid her hand on his forearm. He recoiled at her touch, seemingly uncomfortable. 

“Guess he forgot to mention you,” you forced a smile. 

“Well, there is a lot to talk about,” she winked at Bucky. Steve cleared his throat and distracted you from glaring daggers at her.

“We wanted to thank you for helping in Bucky’s recovery, right Nat?” Steve gave you a curt nod. 

“Right. Thanks for returning him to us in relatively one piece. That’s just the way we like him,” she said, not breaking her gaze at him.

“Nat? Isn’t that one of those annoying little bugs that fly around shit?” You snapped. 

“(Y/N)!” Okoye scolded. You could tell she was uneasy not having you in cuffs and was on guard.

“And here I was thinking the only catfight would’ve been with T’Challa,” Sam snorted at his own joke.

“I’m just letting her know her namesake is fitting for her personality,” you smirked. 

“Listen here, Sparky, the only reason you’re not in your cell rotting away right now was that Steve wanted to make sure you weren’t playing some hidden angle with his friend here. You may be able to fool Bucky in his fragile state, but I can see right through you,” she seethed. You looked at Bucky who was just sitting there staring at his food.

“I’m the one fooling Bucky? I haven’t done anything yet he’s the one that keeps coming back to me. He needs me, but I most certainly do not need him,” you growled and the lightbulb above you burst. You ignored the throbbing in your head and the hurt look on Bucky’s face as you stood up. Okoye jumped up as did the guards who were sitting by the door. You put your hands up as you held them out to Okoye. “Take me back to my cell. I can see that I was only brought here to be humiliated.”

She cuffed your hands and brought you to the guards who brought you back to your cell. You didn’t dare look at Bucky as you were being taken out. While the humiliation hurt, it was the fact that he didn’t stand up for you that really killed you. You thought that he was on your side, but apparently, you were wrong.

You sat in your cell for hours, just staring at the ceiling. Every so often you would create a spark with your fingers to feel the device go off. It was like a sharp pinch. You preferred the physical pain over the emotional. You were so engrossed in your thoughts you almost didn’t hear your cell door open. You looked up startled to see someone standing in the doorway. 

“You were right...I do need you.”

If you’re not tagged and your name is listed with a strikethrough then there may be something off in your settings. Let me know if you’d like to be added!

Taglist:  @jemjem-chan @marvel-fanfiction @twasallstartedbyamouse @mamacita83701  @anamcg317 @mus1cal-barnes @tudgey97 @jadepc @atombombastic @all-by-myself98

[zhumeimv]

Why Charlie's Angels Bombed At The Box Office

Why Charlie’s Angels Bombed At The Box Office

Date: 2019-11-19 02:00:04

[aoa id=’0′][dn_wp_yt_youtube_source type=”101″ id=”YpBLsq5irtA”][/aoa]

Charlie will be disappointed to hear that his Angels didn’t make it to Box Office Heaven this past weekend. According to Deadline, the film suffered a dismal $8.6 million domestic opening, and it only earned a paltry $27.9 million internationally across 26 markets. Beyond that, the film had an…

[jamesgeiiger]

Financial Samurai 2018 Year In Review: Almost A Fantastic Year

Although 2018 ended on a down note with the stock market selling off, I feel good about how things unfolded. I’ll take the ratio of three good quarters to one bad quarter any year.

Believe it or not, my theme for 2018 was: back to early retirement life. I pushed myself to the point of burnout in 2017. But the funny thing about hard work is that it’s over. I only remember bits and pieces of how difficult 2017 was.

At year-end, it’s easy to forget our accomplishments and our failures. With this post, I’m excited to relive the good and the bad in the following categories: Finances, Family, Health, Business, and Odds & Ends.

This post is like a 4-for-1 special. It needs to be thorough so I can prove to my son his old man wasn’t a deadbeat when he inevitably starts rebelling or when I’m no longer here to defend myself. 

2018 Year In Review

Finances – 2.5 Out Of 5 Stars

At the beginning of the year, I predicted we’d see a slowdown in coastal city real estate, a 10-year bond yield under 3%, and a stock market that would have one last hurrah with a 10% return. I was almost three for three with the stock market up ~8% in September. Too bad it gave up all its gains and then a whole lot! At least I got more defensive starting in March.

My net worth is roughly made up of:

30% in stocks/bonds = -3%. After writing Your Risk Tolerance Is An Illusion in the Spring, I reduced my stock allocation in my House Sale Fund to roughly 52% from 70%. As bonds began to outperform stocks coupled with further profit taking, my end allocation is roughly 40% stocks / 60% bonds. Owning a bunch of equity structured notes in my other main fund has helped minimize volatility. But clearly I wasn’t defensive enough and should have taken more profits during the summer.

My House Sale Fund portfolio was up around 13% at one point until I gave all the gains up in the 4th quarter. Right now, it’s holding onto a tenuous 5.4% gain, after the huge rally on Dec 26. Overall, my public investment portfolio is slightly down, which violates my rule of never losing money post retirement. I plan to update this performance daily due to the volatility.

I’m disappointed with my public investment performance. This goes to show that no matter how concerned you are about an asset class or the economy, greed can override logic.

Here’s a good chart that shows how the Vanguard Long-Term Bond Fund has outperformed the S&P 500 since 1999. The next time I start feeling greedy, I need to remind myself that slow and steady wins the race, especially if you’ve already passed the finish line.

6% in cash/CDs = +2.3%. Thanks to rising short-term rates, you can now get around 2% in a money market and 2.5% in a 12-month CD. It’s wonderful to earn something from our risk-free investments now. Cash and short-term CDs have been 10%+ outperformers against the S&P 500. Hopefully, folks will no longer badger me about the risks of underperforming inflation when the real risk is losing absolute dollar value. Unfortunately, I should have had closer to 15% of my net worth in cash and CDs.

30% in real estate = -5%. The online estimates say my real estate holdings have gone up ~6% YoY, but I doubt it now that the stock market has sold off so aggressively from the peak. Online price estimates and public data are always lagging estimates. Prices did continue to go up until about January 2018, but began falling for the remainder of the year. The chart below shows data months before the 4Q2018 stock market correction. Therefore, I’ve manually inputted -5% from +6% for a 11% swing.

Even though my real estate holdings are down, I thankfully feel no stress compared to my stock holdings, which is one of the reasons why I prefer real estate over stocks. One rental property has no mortgage since 2015, my primary residence is providing utility every day by sheltering my family, and my vacation property is generating a positive cash flow. I can’t wait to bring my boy up to Lake Tahoe to touch his first snow in March!

It’s unfortunate that I reinvested $600,000 of the $1,800,000 proceeds from my house sale into the stock market. I should have just stayed super conservative. But I suspect the best I could get now for the house is $2,600,000 today versus the $2,740,000 sale price in 2017. My house was on a busy street next to the busiest street in all of San Francisco. Fringe location properties, even in a good neighborhood, tend to underperform during a market softening.

8% in alternative investments = +5%. My alternative investments in venture debt and real estate crowdfunding seem to be doing well, to the tune of a 11% – 20% IRR. But these figures are probably too aggressive as well, so I’ve assigned a +5% performance instead. REITs and rental property have outperformed all year as rents are stickier than stocks. I remember back in 2009, my rents stayed flat because by the time the lease was over a year later, the recession was over.

25% in my online business = 0% – 150%. My business is the trickiest to value. Revenue and profits are up 20%+ YoY. Therefore, one might conclude that its value should also be up by 20%+. However, valuations have probably compressed since the stock market sell-off. The good thing is that a peer site with about 35% less traffic sold for 2X the value I assigned for my business in my net worth calculations. Therefore, there’s a possibility my site could be worth 2X – 2.5X my assigned value if we normalize for traffic.

From an estate planning perspective, I want my business to be valued as low as possible. It’s the same way you want your house to be valued as low as possible to pay less property tax. To prepare for hard times, I’ve kept my business at 0% growth in my net worth calculation.

Net Worth Growth

Here’s my 2018 net worth progression chart according to Personal Capital. The chart is a little chunky because of cash recognition delays. But overall, it was doing pretty well until the end of the year.

2018 Net Worth = +6.5%

The main reasons why my net worth is up ~6.5% in 2018 are business cash flow and aggressive savings. I continue to save over 70% of my after-tax income. If I didn’t aggressively save, my net worth would have been flat. As my net worth has grown, it’s harder to move the needle as much.

6.5% is OK, but at one point I was up ~11%. Hence, it feels a little disappointing. 10% YoY growth has always been my minimum net worth growth target since graduating from college. Despite the disappointment, I’m glad my net worth didn’t go in reverse.

If you’re feeling bummed out, it helps to look at how far your net worth has come over the past five or 10 years. When I left work in 2012, I was comfortable with what I had. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have left. Having another six years of growth, excluding 2018, has really been a blessing post early retirement.

The key is to not lose all your gains to a bear market.

Related: Recommended Net Worth Allocation By Age Or Work Experience

Family & Fatherhood – 4.7 Stars

I could not have tried harder to be a great stay at home dad. I only have one shot, so I did everything to educate myself about parenthood. I also spent as much time as possible with my son as a stay at home dad.

My greatest moments of joy all year came from seeing my son’s milestones. He started waddling with help at around 11 months and slowly started to walk unassisted at 12 – 13 months. By 18 months he was able to count to 30, say all letters of the alphabet, and identify eight different colors.

His favorite words and phrases at 20 months old are “hot dog, ketchup, yum, yum, yum” “double wide garage door,” “walk with daddy,” “knock knock,” “verde,” “voila,” and “da hai bao (big seal in Mandarin).” He’s also just begun to sing a couple lullabies, one in Japanese and one in French. We try to talk to him in multiple languages as supposedly that helps brain development. He’s hilarious and full of determination. Oh boy is he determined.

When I’m not working on Financial Samurai or managing our investments, I pretend I’m a pre-school teacher and occupational therapist. Because he has a vision issue, I’ve been helping him track objects, work on his depth perception, and hand-eye coordination. So far he can walk up stairs no problem, but he still needs assistance going down stairs.

Now we’re focusing more on his fine motor skills, like drawing, holding a pencil, brushing his teeth, playing piano keys, and using scissors. The duties are never-ending, but it’s been a blessing to care for him every day and watch him grow.

He is a determined boy

My greatest sorrows have also all come from my son. Between 11 – 15 months old he would fall frequently or accidentally bonk his head on something hard or sharp. I felt his pain each time and admonished myself for not doing a better job protecting him.

As a result of his accidents, I ended up padding everywhere around the house and padding every wall and table corner. Interior design be damned! Thank goodness we live in a modest size house. The padding has saved him from injury numerous times, including on Christmas, when he stumbled on a package and hit his head on our coffee leg corner which was padded, hooray!

It turns out that toddlers between 12 – 19 months fall about 17X an hour on average according to one study of 120 toddlers. Only until about age 4 do most toddlers fully master their walking and running skills. That made me feel a little better, but it still made me so sad whenever he hurt himself. Taking him for a walk with a harness has helped tremendously. I’m teaching him to look both ways before crossing the street.

It’s also interesting it takes up to 24 months before a toddler’s fontanel closes. Therefore, we as parents might as well be as diligent as possible in trying to protect his head before his skull gets to full strength. So much about parenthood the first several years is about survival – from preventing suffocation while sleeping to making sure they don’t walk off a ledge.

The better our boy sleeps and the more he is able to communicate his desires, the more rewarding parenthood has become. Because he is so strong-willed, his temper tantrums are also quite a challenge.

One of my concerns is that he will hurt himself during these temper tantrums by banging his head on something hard or arching his back and hurting himself on the floor. Doctors say temper tantrums peak by around 24 months, subside, and then rise again at around 36 months. Here’s where I need to demonstrate maximum patience as a parent for the next 18 months.

Before my son was born, there was never any whining or crying around the house. But once he arrived, I have heard crying and whining every day, multiple times a day for 20 months in a row. Unfortunately, there is no logical reasoning with a young boy, except to use a technique called “caveman speak” while voicing what we think he wants to calm him down. Adjusting to this new scenario has been hard.

It’s also difficult to write, record a podcast, or mentally relax when there is so much noise. Being able to more easily find a quiet space is one of the benefits of upgrading to a larger house. As a result of needing to find quiet time, I often had to wake up between 4am – 5am to get things done. But I’m proud to say I’ve never lost my temper around my boy.

I’ve still got to improve my patience with my wife and not let business stress or stock market stress hurt our relationship. We operate at different paces, and I need to do a better job slowing down. The whole point of financial independence is to be free from money stress to live your best life.

Given my wife is a full-time mom and absolutely does more of the caregiving, the pressure is on me to make sure our finances never go in reverse. As the stock market melted down in 4Q2018, my stress level definitely increased.

Our goal is to both stay full-time parents for at least our son’s first two years of life and ideally try to be full-time parents for five years before he attends kindergarten. Fatherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Related: How To Survive The Pressures Of Being A Sole Income Providing Parent

Health & Fitness – 3.2 Stars

I’m the same weight as I was in 2017, which is OK. But I gained 5 lbs in 2017, which was not OK. I need to get down to 162 lbs from 170 lbs. At least I exercised 3X a week on average plus took light walks with my son 5X a week on average. Given my goal is to live until 75, or whenever my son can establish himself and find a life partner, it’s important for me to stay in mental and physical shape.

Luckily, I’ve had no serious injuries or medical mishaps this year. I did catch some flu-like virus that knocked me out for 1.5 days in October, but that was it. We did have our first emergency room visit for my son at 5am because he seemed to have come down with a similar virus I had a month later. We also went to an after-hour care facility for some inflammation. Luckily, things got better after 24 hours.

At 41, I still haven’t sprouted any grey hairs, which is a surprise since I first got several grey hairs at 33, the year before I left my day job. The only reason I can imagine for this phenomenon is that not working a full-time job is less stressful. It’s one thing to say how much better life is after achieving financial independence. It’s another thing for the body to show us.

My most fun physical addition has been joining a softball meetup group that plays every Saturday it doesn’t rain. I must have played over 30 games in 2018. Ah, now I remember sustaining a left knee bone contusion that hurt for six months. My personal highlight was drafting and captaining a 4th of July softball tournament and winning. Curiously, it was one of my most satisfying life moments!

Finally, I found out in December I wasn’t getting bumped down to 4.5 in USTA tennis from 5.0. I did poorly in 5.0 league at the beginning of the year and was hoping to get bumped down after three seasons. When I didn’t, I appealed and got denied.

5.0 level tennis is brutally tough. From an ego perspective, it does feel good to be in the top 1% of all tennis levels. Other players give you respect as you puff out your chest and start thinking you’re the shiznits. But after you start repeatedly getting beaten by players younger than you, it starts to get demoralizing! Therefore, I always try to make fun of myself to others by saying the computers must have malfunctioned to keep me at 5.0.

Business – 4.8 Stars

I could not have tried harder to build Financial Samurai either. Here are some of the accomplishments:

Published three posts a week on average

Published three pages a week on average

Published one newsletter a week on average

Improved my short-form writing skills with the newsletter

Produced over 40 podcasts

Did several podcast interviews on other platforms

Launched the Financial Samurai Forum with 1,300 members thanks to my wife who set everything up over a year

Got mentioned in Business Insider, CNBC, MarketWatch, MSN, Apple News, Forbes, and Yahoo

Updated How To Engineer Your Layoff with a new forward for 2019

Increased overall traffic by 20% YoY, with 50% YoY traffic growth between August 11 – December 27

The 50% YoY traffic surge since August 11 seems like an anomaly. It’s like suddenly turning into a speedboat after being a cruise ship. But traffic has been elevated for almost four months so far, with December being the highest traffic all year. For years, December has always been a quiet month due to the holidays. Perhaps the traffic increase is due to a combination of more production, search algorithm changes by Google, and content syndication.

Overall, I’m just really happy there’s been a correlation with effort and reward. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, hence part of the reason why I left work in 2012. Every year since the birth of Financial Samurai in 2009, Financial Samurai has drastically outperformed the S&P 500 and the San Francisco real estate market. As a result, blogging has surpassed real estate as my favorite asset class to build wealth.

For poops and giggles, here’s another net worth chart if I manually input a business value based on recent comparable sales. The 30% spike is nice, but is also dangerous because it brings a false sense of complacency. It’s best to stay motivated as the economy softens. Just know that creating next level wealth is all about owning growth equity over the long term.

Net worth including market value of business = +30% YoY

Life’s Odds & Ends – 4 Stars

In May, I helped coach my high school boys varsity tennis team to the Northern California Sectional championship. This was the first championship in the school’s entire 40+ year history. This victory was particularly sweet because we had come so close my first year in 2017 only to lose in the finals to a school 3X our size. This was another incredible life moment that had nothing to do with money. I only got paid $3,500 for 3.5 months of work. The relationships I developed with some of the parents were a nice bonus.

My dad came to visit three times and my mom twice. My mother-in-law also visited twice and my father-in-law once. It is always great to see them, and I hope they continue to visit us more often. My dream has always been to have three generations spend as much time together as possible. Unfortunately or fortunately, all our grandparents want to remain independent and live in their respective cities. It’s hard to change the older you get, which is why I’ve been trying so hard to move to Hawaii.

I further strengthened a couple friendships. This is huge because as a stay-at-home dad, it’s often hard to make new friends or deepen friendships. There are simply less social events to attend e.g. happy hour. I love having a good buddy to shoot the shit with. I also developed a new in-person relationship with an FS reader, who also so happens to also be a professional athlete on my favorite team. Pretty neat!

I did some decent home maintenance projects this year: caulked the top of our living room window sill to prevent leaks, varnished all our wood planter boxes, rooted the upstairs sink that was clogging, re-roofed the leaking light well, maintained the yard, and fixed a leaky faucet at my rental. Man, I forgot about all this stuff until my wife reminded me. Thank goodness I sold the other rental.

Finally, we finalized our will and revocable living trust. My wife also led the charge getting us through this cumbersome and complicated process. There were so many documents to gather and questions to ask the estate planning lawyer that she estimates the whole process took her about 40 hours. But after we finally signed all the documents on December 20, I felt a huge sense of relief that I could die knowing that my wife and son wouldn’t have to go through probate court.

2018: 3.8 Out Of 5 Stars

Although I didn’t decide to take it easy per my 2018 goal, I have no regrets staying consistent with Financial Samurai. I don’t think I’ll ever change my work ethic until my body starts breaking down. The joy of writing is so tangible because it is an identifiable product that can be eternally consumed.

It’s been hard to accept no longer making a positive return on my public investments after nine years of up, up, up. I’ve got to do a much better job at not letting financial loss negatively affect my mood and my relationship with my wife. Not taking unnecessary risk will help.

During downturns, I envy those in professions that have nothing to do with the stock market. For example, when I asked my estate planning lawyer about what she thought about the stock market collapse in December, she said she had no idea because she outsources all her financial planning to someone else. What a blessing.

I also have zero regrets being a stay at home dad all year. Yes, the days were long and there were many moments of frustration, but just hearing his squeals of joy made full-time fatherhood worthwhile. All I want to do is squeeze and kiss him 100X a day! I’m so thankful my wife has been an amazing mother and partner all year.

Family and Financial Samurai are my two great loves. Everything else comes in a distant second. There was a point where we thought we’d never have a child. So we say a prayer of thanks every evening. Financial Samurai has been a part of me since the bottom of the last financial crisis in 2009. It’s like an old friend that has stuck with me in the worst of times.

The key is to not let my two loves collide, but to let them be synergistic. My family gives me motivation to write, while Financial Samurai is a creative outlet that helps ensure we remain stay-at-home-parents until we decide otherwise.

There’s always a silver lining to a downturn too.

For Financial Samurai, it’s increased traffic as more people are paying attention to their finances. Book sales on how to negotiate a severance are also increasing as savvy employees are trying to get ahead of the layoff curve. Finally, our passive income has also increased due to higher interests rates and my shift towards higher yielding assets like cash, bonds, and CDs.

For family life, it’s being less tempted to go back to work because the return on effort has declined. When all is in shambles, why bother dealing with a commute, company politics, difficult clients, and a declining company stock price.

I hope if my boy one day reads this article that’ll he’ll be proud of his dad. Although 2018 wasn’t a fantastic year, it was filled with many positive milestones.

I’ll be sharing my 2019 outlook and goals next. In the meantime, I’d love to hear some of your hits and misses for 2018!

Related: The Best Financial Samurai Posts For 2018

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[samuelfields]

Financial Samurai 2018 Year In Review: Almost A Fantastic Year

Although 2018 ended on a down note with the stock market selling off, I feel good about how things unfolded. I’ll take the ratio of three good quarters to one bad quarter any year.

Believe it or not, my theme for 2018 was: back to early retirement life. I pushed myself to the point of burnout in 2017. But the funny thing about hard work is that it’s over. I only remember bits and pieces of how difficult 2017 was.

At year-end, it’s easy to forget our accomplishments and our failures. With this post, I’m excited to relive the good and the bad in the following categories: Finances, Family, Health, Business, and Odds & Ends.

This post is like a 4-for-1 special. It needs to be thorough so I can prove to my son his old man wasn’t a deadbeat when he inevitably starts rebelling or when I’m no longer here to defend myself. 

2018 Year In Review

Finances – 3 Out Of 5 Stars

At the beginning of the year, I predicted we’d see a slowdown in coastal city real estate, a 10-year bond yield under 3%, and a stock market that would have one last hurrah with a 10% return. I was almost three for three with the stock market up ~8% in September. Too bad it gave up all its gains and then a whole lot! At least I got more defensive starting in March.

My net worth is roughly made up of:

30% in stocks/bonds = -2%. After writing Your Risk Tolerance Is An Illusion in the Spring, I reduced my stock allocation in my House Sale Fund to roughly 52% from 70%. As bonds began to outperform stocks coupled with further profit taking, my end allocation is roughly 40% stocks / 60% bonds. Owning a bunch of equity structured notes in my other main fund has helped minimize volatility. But clearly I wasn’t defensive enough and should have taken more profits during the summer.

My House Sale Fund portfolio was up around 13% at one point until I gave all the gains up in the 4th quarter. Right now, it’s holding onto a tenuous 5.4% gain, after the huge rally on Dec 26. Overall, my public investment portfolio is slightly down, which violates my rule of never losing money post retirement.

I’m disappointed with my public investment performance. This goes to show that no matter how concerned you are about an asset class or the economy, greed can override logic.

Here’s a good chart that shows how the Vanguard Long-Term Bond Fund has outperformed the S&P 500 since 1999. The next time I start feeling greedy, I need to remind myself that slow and steady wins the race, especially if you’ve already passed the finish line.

6% in cash/CDs = +2.3%. Thanks to rising short-term rates, you can now get around 2% in a money market and 2.5% in a 12-month CD. It’s wonderful to earn something from our risk-free investments now. Cash and short-term CDs have been 10%+ outperformers against the S&P 500. Hopefully, folks will no longer badger me about the risks of underperforming inflation when the real risk is losing absolute dollar value. Unfortunately, I should have had closer to 15% of my net worth in cash and CDs.

30% in real estate = -5%. The online estimates say my real estate holdings have gone up ~6% YoY, but I doubt it now that the stock market has sold off so aggressively from the peak. Online price estimates and public data are always lagging estimates. Prices did continue to go up until about January 2018, but began falling for the remainder of the year. The chart below shows data months before the 4Q2018 stock market correction. Therefore, I’ve manually inputted -5% from +6% for a 11% swing.

Even though my real estate holdings are down, I thankfully feel no stress compared to my stock holdings, which is one of the reasons why I prefer real estate over stocks. One rental property has no mortgage since 2015, my primary residence is providing utility every day by sheltering my family, and my vacation property is generating a positive cash flow. I can’t wait to bring my boy up to Lake Tahoe to touch his first snow in March!

It’s unfortunate that I reinvested $600,000 of the $1,800,000 proceeds from my house sale into the stock market. I should have just stayed super conservative. But I suspect the best I could get now for the house is $2,600,000 today versus the $2,740,000 sale price in 2017. My house was on a busy street next to the busiest street in all of San Francisco. Fringe location properties, even in a good neighborhood, tend to underperform during a market softening.

8% in alternative investments = +5%. My alternative investments in venture debt and real estate crowdfunding seem to be doing well, to the tune of a 11% – 20% IRR. But these figures are probably too aggressive as well, so I’ve assigned a +5% performance instead. REITs and rental property have outperformed all year as rents are stickier than stocks. I remember back in 2009, my rents stayed flat because by the time the lease was over a year later, the recession was over.

25% in my online business = 0% – 150%. My business is the trickiest to value. Revenue and profits are up 20%+ YoY. Therefore, one might conclude that its value should also be up by 20%+. However, valuations have probably compressed since the stock market sell-off. The good thing is that a peer site with about 35% less traffic sold for 2X the value I assigned for my business in my net worth calculations. Therefore, there’s a possibility my site could be worth 2X – 2.5X my assigned value if we normalize for traffic.

From an estate planning perspective, I want my business to be valued as low as possible. It’s the same way you want your house to be valued as low as possible to pay less property tax. To prepare for hard times, I’ve kept my business at 0% growth in my net worth calculation.

Net Worth Growth

Here’s my 2018 net worth progression chart according to Personal Capital. The chart is a little chunky because of cash recognition delays. But overall, it was doing pretty well until the end of the year.

2018 Net Worth = +6.5%

The main reasons why my net worth is up ~6.5% in 2018 are business cash flow and aggressive savings. I continue to save over 70% of my after-tax income. If I didn’t aggressively save, my net worth would have been flat. As my net worth has grown, it’s harder to move the needle as much.

6.5% is OK, but at one point I was up ~11%. Hence, it feels a little disappointing. 10% YoY growth has always been my minimum net worth growth target since graduating from college. Despite the disappointment, I’m glad my net worth didn’t go in reverse.

If you’re feeling bummed out, it helps to look at how far your net worth has come over the past five or 10 years. When I left work in 2012, I was comfortable with what I had. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have left. Having another six years of growth, excluding 2018, has really been a blessing post earl retirement.

The key is to not lose all your gains to a bear market.

Related: Recommended Net Worth Allocation By Age Or Work Experience

Family & Fatherhood – 4.7 Stars

I could not have tried harder to be a great stay at home dad. I only have one shot, so I did everything to educate myself about parenthood. I also spent as much time as possible with my son as a stay at home dad.

My greatest moments of joy all year came from seeing my son’s milestones. He started waddling with help at around 11 months and slowly started to walk unassisted at 12 – 13 months. By 18 months he was able to count to 30, say all letters of the alphabet, and identify eight different colors.

His favorite words and phrases at 20 months old are “hot dog, ketchup, yum, yum, yum” “double wide garage door,” “walk with daddy,” “knock knock,” “verde,” “voila,” and “da hai bao (big seal in Mandarin).” He’s also just begun to sing a couple lullabies, one in Japanese and one in French. We try to talk to him in multiple languages as supposedly that helps brain development. He’s hilarious and full of determination. Oh boy is he determined.

When I’m not working on Financial Samurai or managing our investments, I pretend I’m a pre-school teacher and occupational therapist. Because he has a vision issue, I’ve been helping him track objects, work on his depth perception, and hand-eye coordination. So far he can walk up stairs no problem, but he still needs assistance going down stairs.

Now we’re focusing more on his fine motor skills, like drawing, holding a pencil, brushing his teeth, playing piano keys, and using scissors. The duties are never-ending, but it’s been a blessing to care for him every day and watch him grow.

He is a determined boy

My greatest sorrows have also all come from my son. Between 11 – 15 months old he would fall frequently or accidentally bonk his head on something hard or sharp. I felt his pain each time and admonished myself for not doing a better job protecting him.

As a result of his accidents, I ended up padding everywhere around the house and padding every wall and table corner. Interior design be damned! Thank goodness we live in a modest size house. The padding has saved him from injury numerous times, including on Christmas, when he stumbled on a package and hit his head on our coffee leg corner which was padded, hooray!

It turns out that toddlers between 12 – 19 months fall about 17X an hour on average according to one study of 120 toddlers. Only until about age 4 do most toddlers fully master their walking and running skills. That made me feel a little better, but it still made me so sad whenever he hurt himself. Taking him for a walk with a harness has helped tremendously. I’m teaching him to look both ways before crossing the street.

It’s also interesting it takes up to 24 months before a toddler’s fontanel closes. Therefore, we as parents might as well be as diligent as possible in trying to protect his head before his skull gets to full strength. So much about about parenthood the first several years is about survival – from preventing suffocation while sleeping to making sure they don’t walk off a ledge.

The better our boy sleeps and the more he is able to communicate his desires, the more rewarding parenthood has become. Because he is so strong-willed, his temper tantrums are also quite a challenge.

One of my concerns is that he will hurt himself during these temper tantrums by banging his head on something hard or arching his back and hurting himself on the floor. Doctors say temper tantrums peak by around 24 months, subside, and then rise again at around 36 months. Here’s where I need to demonstrate maximum patience as a parent for the next 18 months.

Before my son was born, there was never any whining or crying around the house. But once he arrived, I have heard crying and whining every day, multiple times a day for 20 months in a row. Unfortunately, there is no logical reasoning with a young boy, except to use a technique called “caveman speak” while voicing what we think he wants to calm him down. Adjusting to this new scenario has been hard.

It’s also difficult to write, record a podcast, or mentally relax when there is so much noise. Being able to more easily find a quiet space is one of the benefits of upgrading to a larger house. As a result of needing to find quiet time, I often had to wake up between 4am – 5am to get things done. But I’m proud to say I’ve never lost my temper around my boy.

I’ve still got to improve my patience with my wife and not let business stress or stock market stress hurt our relationship. We operate at different paces, and I need to do a better job slowing down. The whole point of financial independence is to be free from money stress to live your best life.

Given my wife is a full-time mom and absolutely does more of the caregiving, the pressure is on me to make sure our finances never go in reverse. As the stock market melted down in 4Q2018, my stress level definitely increased.

Our goal is to both stay full-time parents for at least our son’s first two years of life and ideally try to be full-time parents for five years before he attends kindergarten. Fatherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Related: How To Survive The Pressures Of Being A Sole Income Providing Parent

Health & Fitness – 3.2 Stars

I’m the same weight as I was in 2017, which is OK. But I gained 5 lbs in 2017, which was not OK. I need to get down to 162 lbs from 170 lbs. At least I exercised 3X a week on average plus took light walks with my son 5X a week on average. Given my goal is to live until 75, or whenever my son can establish himself and find a life partner, it’s important for me to stay in mental and physical shape.

Luckily, I’ve had no serious injuries or medical mishaps this year. I did catch some flu-like virus that knocked me out for 1.5 days in October, but that was it. We did have our first emergency room visit for my son at 5am because he seemed to have come down with a similar virus I had a month later. We also went to an after-hour care facility for some inflammation. Luckily, things got better after 24 hours.

At 41, I still haven’t sprouted any grey hairs, which is a surprise since I first got several grey hairs at 33, the year before I left my day job. The only reason I can imagine for this phenomena is that not working a full-time job is less stressful. It’s one thing to say how much better life is after achieving financial independence. It’s another thing for the body to show us.

My most fun physical addition has been joining a softball meetup group that plays every Saturday it doesn’t rain. I must have played over 30 games in 2018. Ah, now I remember sustaining a left knee bone contusion that hurt for six months. My personal highlight was drafting and captaining a 4th of July softball tournament and winning. Curiously, it was one of my most satisfying life moments!

Finally, I found out in December I wasn’t getting bumped down to 4.5 in USTA tennis from 5.0. I did poorly in 5.0 league at the beginning of the year and was hoping to get bumped down after three seasons. When I didn’t, I appealed and got denied.

5.0 level tennis is brutally tough. From an ego perspective, it does feel good to be in the top 1% of all tennis levels. Other players give you respect as you puff out your chest and start thinking you’re the shiznits. But after you start repeatedly getting beaten by players younger than you, it starts to get demoralizing! Therefore, I always try to make fun of myself to others by saying the computers must have malfunctioned to keep me at 5.0.

Business – 4.8 Stars

I could not have tried harder to build Financial Samurai either. Here are some of the accomplishments:

Published three posts a week on average

Published three pages a week on average

Published one newsletter a week on average

Improved my short-form writing skills with the newsletter

Produced over 40 podcasts

Did several podcast interviews on other platforms

Launched the Financial Samurai Forum with 1,300 members thanks to my wife who set everything up over a year

Got mentioned in Business Insider, CNBC, MarketWatch, MSN, Apple News, Forbes, and Yahoo

Updated How To Engineer Your Layoff with a new forward for 2019

Increased overall traffic by 20% YoY, with 50% YoY traffic growth between August 11 – December 27

The 50% YoY traffic surge since August 11 seems like an anomaly. It’s like suddenly turning into a speedboat after being a cruise ship. But traffic has been elevated for almost four months so far, with December being the highest traffic all year. For years, December has always been a quiet month due to the holidays. Perhaps the traffic increase is due to a combination of more production, search algorithm changes by Google, and content syndication.

Overall, I’m just really happy there’s been a correlation with effort and reward. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, hence part of the reason why I left work in 2012. Every year since the birth of Financial Samurai in 2009, Financial Samurai has drastically outperformed the S&P 500 and the San Francisco real estate market. As a result, blogging has surpassed real estate as my favorite asset class to build wealth.

For poops and giggles, here’s another net worth chart if I manually input a business value based on recent comparable sales. The 30% spike is nice, but is also dangerous because it brings a false sense of complacency. It’s best to stay motivated as the economy softens. Just know that creating next level wealth is all about owning growth equity over the long term.

Net worth including market value of business = +30% YoY

Life’s Odds & Ends – 4 Stars

In May, I helped coach my high school boys varsity tennis team to the Northern California Sectional championship. This was the first championship in the school’s entire 40+ year history. This victory was particularly sweet because we had come so close my first year in 2017 only to lose in the finals to a school 3X our size. This was another incredible life moment that had nothing to do with money. I only got paid $3,500 for 3.5 months of work. The relationships I developed with some of the parents were a nice bonus.

My dad came to visit three times and my mom twice. My mother-in-law also visited twice and my father-in-law once. It is always great to see them, and I hope they continue to visit us more often. My dream has always been to have three generations spend as much time together as possible. Unfortunately or fortunately, all our grandparents want to remain independent and live in their respective cities. It’s hard to change the older you get, which is why I’ve been trying so hard to move to Hawaii.

I further strengthened a couple friendships. This is huge because as a stay-at-home dad, it’s often hard to make new friends or deepen friendships. There are simply less social events to attend e.g. happy hour. I love having a good buddy to shoot the shit with. I also developed a new in-person relationship with an FS reader, who also so happens to also be a professional athlete on my favorite team. Pretty neat!

I did some decent home maintenance projects this year: caulked the top of our living room window sill to prevent leaks, varnished all our wood planter boxes, rooted the upstairs sink that was clogging, re-roofed the leaking light well, maintained the yard, and fixed a leaky faucet at my rental. Man, I forgot about all this stuff until my wife reminded me. Thank goodness I sold the other rental.

Finally, we finalized our will and revocable living trust. My wife also led the charge getting us through this cumbersome and complicated process. There were so many documents to gather and questions to ask the estate planning lawyer that she estimates the whole process took her about 40 hours. But after we finally signed all the documents on December 20, I felt a huge sense of relief that I could die knowing that my wife and son wouldn’t have to go through probate court.

2018: 3.8 Out Of 5 Stars

Although I didn’t decide to take it easy per my 2018 goal, I have no regrets staying consistent with Financial Samurai. I don’t think I’ll ever change my work ethic until my body starts breaking down. The joy of writing is so tangible because it is an identifiable product that can be eternally consumed.

It’s been hard to accept no longer making a positive return on my public investments after nine years of up, up, up. I’ve got to do a much better job at not letting financial loss negatively affect my mood and my relationship with my wife. Not taking unnecessary risk will help.

During downturns, I envy those in professions that have nothing to do with the stock market. For example, when I asked my estate planning lawyer about what she thought about the stock market collapse in December, she said she had no idea because she outsources all her financial planning to someone else. What a blessing.

I also have zero regrets being a stay at home dad all year. Yes, the days were long and there were many moments of frustration, but just hearing his squeals of joy made full-time fatherhood worthwhile. All I want to do is squeeze and kiss him 100X a day! I’m so thankful my wife has been an amazing mother and partner all year.

Family and Financial Samurai are my two great loves. Everything comes a distant second. There was a point where we thought we’d never have a child. So we say a prayer of thanks every evening. Financial Samurai has been a part of me since the bottom of the last financial crisis in 2009. It’s like an old friend that has stuck with me in the worst of times.

The key is to not let my two loves collide, but to let them be synergistic. My family gives me motivation to write, while Financial Samurai is a creative outlet that helps ensure we remain stay-at-home-parents until we decide otherwise.

There’s always a silver lining to a downturn too.

For Financial Samurai, it’s increased traffic as more people are paying attention to their finances. Book sales on how to negotiate a severance are also increasing as savvy employees are trying to get ahead of the layoff curve. Finally, our passive income has also increased due to higher interests rates and my shift towards higher yielding assets like cash, bonds, and CDs.

For family life, it’s being less tempted to go back to work because the return on effort has declined. When all is in shambles, why bother dealing with a commute, company politics, difficult clients, and a declining company stock price.

I hope if my boy one day reads this article that’ll he’ll be proud of his dad. Although 2018 wasn’t a fantastic year, it was filled with many positive milestones.

I’ll be sharing my 2019 outlook and goals next. In the meantime, I’d love to hear some of your hits and misses for 2018!

Related: The Best Financial Samurai Posts For 2018

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Financial Samurai 2018 Year In Review: Almost A Fantastic Year

Although 2018 ended on a down note with the stock market selling off, I feel good about how things unfolded. I’ll take the ratio of three good quarters to one bad quarter any year.

Believe it or not, my theme for 2018 was: back to early retirement life. I pushed myself to the point of burnout in 2017. But the funny thing about hard work is that it’s over. I only remember bits and pieces of how difficult 2017 was.

At year-end, it’s easy to forget our accomplishments and our failures. With this post, I’m excited to relive the good and the bad in the following categories: Finances, Family, Health, Business, and Odds & Ends.

This post is like a 4-for-1 special. It needs to be thorough so I can prove to my son his old man wasn’t a deadbeat when he inevitably starts rebelling or when I’m no longer here to defend myself. 

2018 Year In Review

Finances – 3 Out Of 5 Stars

At the beginning of the year, I predicted we’d see a slowdown in coastal city real estate, a 10-year bond yield under 3%, and a stock market that would have one last hurrah with a 10% return. I was almost three for three with the stock market up ~8% in September. Too bad it gave up all its gains and then a whole lot! At least I got more defensive starting in March.

My net worth is roughly made up of:

30% in stocks/bonds = -1.5%. After writing Your Risk Tolerance Is An Illusion in the Spring, I reduced my stock allocation in my House Sale Fund to roughly 52% from 70%. As bonds began to outperform stocks coupled with further profit taking, my end allocation is roughly 40% stocks / 60% bonds. Owning a bunch of equity structured notes in my other main fund has helped minimize volatility. But clearly I wasn’t defensive enough and should have taken more profits during the summer.

My House Sale Fund portfolio was up around 13% at one point until I gave all the gains up in the 4th quarter. Right now, it’s holding onto a tenuous 0.6% gain, excluding the huge rally on Dec 26. Overall, my public investment portfolio is slightly down, which violates my rule of never losing money post retirement.

House Sale Fund Portfolio went from +13% to just +0.6%

I’m disappointed with my public investment portfolio performance. This goes to show that no matter how concerned you are about an asset class or the economy, greed can override logic.

Here’s a good chart that shows how the Vanguard Long-Term Bond Fund has outperformed the S&P 500 since 1999. The next time I start feeling greedy, I need to remind myself that slow and steady wins the race, especially if you’ve already passed the finish line.

6% in cash/CDs = +2.3%. Thanks to rising short-term rates, you can now get around 2% in a money market and 2.5% in a 12-month CD. It’s wonderful to earn something from our risk-free investments now. Cash and short-term CDs have been 10%+ outperformers against the S&P 500. Hopefully, folks will no longer badger me about the risks of underperforming inflation when the real risk is losing absolute dollar value. Unfortunately, I should have had closer to 15% of my net worth in cash and CDs.

30% in real estate = -5%. The online estimates say my real estate holdings have gone up ~6% YoY, but I doubt it now that the stock market has sold off so aggressively from the peak. Online price estimates and public data are always lagging estimates. Prices did continue to go up until about January 2018, but began falling for the remainder of the year. The chart below shows data months before the 4Q2018 stock market correction. Therefore, I’ve manually inputted -5% from +6% for a 11% swing.

Even though my real estate holdings are down, I thankfully feel no stress compared to my stock holdings, which is one of the reasons why I prefer real estate over stocks. One rental property has no mortgage since 2015, my primary residence is providing utility every day by sheltering my family, and my vacation property is generating a positive cash flow. I can’t wait to bring my boy up to Lake Tahoe to touch his first snow in March!

It’s unfortunate that I reinvested $600,000 of the $1,800,000 proceeds from my house sale into the stock market. I should have just stayed super conservative. But I suspect the best I could get now for the house is $2,600,000 today versus the $2,740,000 sale price in 2017. My house was on a busy street next to the busiest street in all of San Francisco. Fringe location properties, even in a good neighborhood, tend to underperform during a market softening.

8% in alternative investments = +5%. My alternative investments in venture debt and real estate crowdfunding seem to be doing well, to the tune of a 11% – 20% IRR. But these figures are probably too aggressive as well, so I’ve assigned a +5% performance instead. REITs and rental property have outperformed all year as rents are stickier than stocks. I remember back in 2009, my rents stayed flat because by the time the lease was over a year later, the recession was over.

25% in my online business = 0% – 150%. My business is the trickiest to value. Revenue and profits are up 20%+ YoY. Therefore, one might conclude that its value should also be up by 20%+. However, valuations have probably compressed since the stock market sell-off. The good thing is that a peer site with about 35% less traffic sold for 2X the value I assigned for my business in my net worth calculations. Therefore, there’s a possibility my site could be worth 2X – 2.5X my assigned value if we normalize for traffic.

From an estate planning perspective, I want my business to be valued as low as possible. It’s the same way you want your house to be valued as low as possible to pay less property tax. To prepare for hard times, I’ve kept my business at 0% growth in my net worth calculation.

Net Worth Growth

Here’s my 2018 net worth progression chart according to Personal Capital. The chart is a little chunky because of cash recognition delays. But overall, it was doing pretty well until the end of the year.

2018 Net Worth = +6.5%

The main reasons why my net worth is up ~6.5% in 2018 are business cash flow and aggressive savings. I continue to save over 70% of my after-tax income. If I didn’t aggressively save, my net worth would have been flat. As my net worth has grown, it’s harder to move the needle as much.

6.5% is OK, but at one point I was up ~11%. Hence, it feels a little disappointing. 10% YoY growth has always been my minimum net worth growth target since graduating from college. Despite the disappointment, I’m glad my net worth didn’t go in reverse.

If you’re feeling bummed out, it helps to look at how far your net worth has come over the past five or 10 years. When I left work in 2012, I was comfortable with what I had. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have left. Having another six years of growth, excluding 2018, has really been a blessing post earl retirement.

The key is to not lose all your gains to a bear market.

Related: Recommended Net Worth Allocation By Age Or Work Experience

Family & Fatherhood – 4.7 Stars

I could not have tried harder to be a great stay at home dad. I only have one shot, so I did everything to educate myself about parenthood. I also spent as much time as possible with my son as a stay at home dad.

My greatest moments of joy all year came from seeing my son’s milestones. He started waddling with help at around 11 months and slowly started to walk unassisted at 12 – 13 months. By 18 months he was able to count to 30, say all letters of the alphabet, and identify eight different colors.

His favorite words and phrases at 20 months old are “hot dog, ketchup, yum, yum, yum” “double wide garage door,” “walk with daddy,” “knock knock,” “verde,” “voila,” and “da hai bao (big seal in Mandarin).” He’s also just begun to sing a couple lullabies, one in Japanese and one in French. We try to talk to him in multiple languages as supposedly that helps brain development. He’s hilarious and full of determination. Oh boy is he determined.

When I’m not working on Financial Samurai or managing our investments, I pretend I’m a pre-school teacher and occupational therapist. Because he has a vision issue, I’ve been helping him track objects, work on his depth perception, and hand-eye coordination. So far he can walk up stairs no problem, but he still needs assistance going down stairs.

Now we’re focusing more on his fine motor skills, like drawing, holding a pencil, brushing his teeth, playing piano keys, and using scissors. The duties are never-ending, but it’s been a blessing to care for him every day and watch him grow.

He is a determined boy

My greatest sorrows have also all come from my son. Between 11 – 15 months old he would fall frequently or accidentally bonk his head on something hard or sharp. I felt his pain each time and admonished myself for not doing a better job protecting him.

As a result of his accidents, I ended up padding everywhere around the house and padding every wall and table corner. Interior design be damned! Thank goodness we live in a modest size house. The padding has saved him from injury numerous times, including on Christmas, when he stumbled on a package and hit his head on our coffee leg corner which was padded, hooray!

It turns out that toddlers between 12 – 19 months fall about 17X an hour on average according to one study of 120 toddlers. Only until about age 4 do most toddlers fully master their walking and running skills. That made me feel a little better, but it still made me so sad whenever he hurt himself. Taking him for a walk with a harness has helped tremendously. I’m teaching him to look both ways before crossing the street.

It’s also interesting it takes up to 24 months before a toddler’s fontanel closes. Therefore, we as parents might as well be as diligent as possible in trying to protect his head before his skull gets to full strength. So much about about parenthood the first several years is about survival – from preventing suffocation while sleeping to making sure they don’t walk off a ledge.

The better our boy sleeps and the more he is able to communicate his desires, the more rewarding parenthood has become. Because he is so strong-willed, his temper tantrums are also quite a challenge.

One of my concerns is that he will hurt himself during these temper tantrums by banging his head on something hard or arching his back and hurting himself on the floor. Doctors say temper tantrums peak by around 24 months, subside, and then rise again at around 36 months. Here’s where I need to demonstrate maximum patience as a parent for the next 18 months.

Before my son was born, there was never any whining or crying around the house. But once he arrived, I have heard crying and whining every day, multiple times a day for 20 months in a row. Unfortunately, there is no logical reasoning with a young boy, except to use a technique called “caveman speak” while voicing what we think he wants to calm him down. Adjusting to this new scenario has been hard.

It’s also difficult to write, record a podcast, or mentally relax when there is so much noise. Being able to more easily find a quiet space is one of the benefits of upgrading to a larger house. As a result of needing to find quiet time, I often had to wake up between 4am – 5am to get things done. But I’m proud to say I’ve never lost my temper around my boy.

I’ve still got to improve my patience with my wife and not let business stress or stock market stress hurt our relationship. We operate at different paces, and I need to do a better job slowing down. The whole point of financial independence is to be free from money stress to live your best life.

Given my wife is a full-time mom and absolutely does more of the caregiving, the pressure is on me to make sure our finances never go in reverse. As the stock market melted down in 4Q2018, my stress level definitely increased.

Our goal is to both stay full-time parents for at least our son’s first two years of life and ideally try to be full-time parents for five years before he attends kindergarten. Fatherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Related: How To Survive The Pressures Of Being A Sole Income Providing Parent

Health & Fitness – 3.2 Stars

I’m the same weight as I was in 2017, which is OK. But I gained 5 lbs in 2017, which was not OK. I need to get down to 162 lbs from 170 lbs. At least I exercised 3X a week on average plus took light walks with my son 5X a week on average. Given my goal is to live until 75, or whenever my son can establish himself and find a life partner, it’s important for me to stay in mental and physical shape.

Luckily, I’ve had no serious injuries or medical mishaps this year. I did catch some flu-like virus that knocked me out for 1.5 days in October, but that was it. We did have our first emergency room visit for my son at 5am because he seemed to have come down with a similar virus I had a month later. We also went to an after-hour care facility for some inflammation. Luckily, things got better after 24 hours.

At 41, I still haven’t sprouted any grey hairs, which is a surprise since I first got several grey hairs at 33, the year before I left my day job. The only reason I can imagine for this phenomena is that not working a full-time job is less stressful. It’s one thing to say how much better life is after achieving financial independence. It’s another thing for the body to show us.

My most fun physical addition has been joining a softball meetup group that plays every Saturday it doesn’t rain. I must have played over 30 games in 2018. Ah, now I remember sustaining a left knee bone contusion that hurt for six months. My personal highlight was drafting and captaining a 4th of July softball tournament and winning. Curiously, it was one of my most satisfying life moments!

Finally, I found out in December I wasn’t getting bumped down to 4.5 in USTA tennis from 5.0. I did poorly in 5.0 league at the beginning of the year and was hoping to get bumped down after three seasons. When I didn’t, I appealed and got denied.

5.0 level tennis is brutally tough. From an ego perspective, it does feel good to be in the top 1% of all tennis levels. Other players give you respect as you puff out your chest and start thinking you’re the shiznits. But after you start repeatedly getting beaten by players younger than you, it starts to get demoralizing! Therefore, I always try to make fun of myself to others by saying the computers must have malfunctioned to keep me at 5.0.

Business – 4.8 Stars

I could not have tried harder to build Financial Samurai either. Here are some of the accomplishments:

Published three posts a week on average

Published three pages a week on average

Published one newsletter a week on average

Improved my short-form writing skills with the newsletter

Produced over 50 podcasts

Did several podcast interviews on other platforms

Launched the Financial Samurai Forum with 1,300 members thanks to my wife who set everything up over a year

Got mentioned in Business Insider, CNBC, MarketWatch, MSN, Apple News, Forbes, and Yahoo

Updated How To Engineer Your Layoff with a new forward

Increased overall traffic by 20% YoY, with 50% YoY traffic growth between August 11 – December 27

The 50% YoY traffic surge since August 11 seems like an anomaly. It’s like suddenly turning into a speedboat after being a cruise ship. But traffic has been elevated for almost four months so far, with December being the highest traffic all year. For years, December has always been a quiet month due to the holidays. Perhaps the traffic increase is due to a combination of more production, search algorithm changes by Google, and content syndication.

Overall, I’m just really happy there’s been a correlation with effort and reward. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, hence part of the reason why I left work in 2012. Every year since the birth of Financial Samurai in 2009, Financial Samurai has drastically outperformed the S&P 500 and the San Francisco real estate market. As a result, blogging has surpassed real estate as my favorite asset class to build wealth.

For poops and giggles, here’s another net worth chart if I manually input a business value based on recent comparable sales. The 30% spike is nice, but is also dangerous because it brings a false sense of complacency. It’s best to stay motivated as the economy softens.

Net worth including market value of business = +30% YoY

Life’s Odds & Ends – 4 Stars

In May, I helped coach my high school boys varsity tennis team to the Northern California Sectional championship. This was the first championship in the school’s entire 40+ year history. This victory was particularly sweet because we had come so close my first year in 2017 only to lose in the finals to a school 3X our size. This was another incredible life moment that had nothing to do with money. I only got paid $3,500 for 3.5 months of work. The relationships I developed with some of the parents were a nice bonus.

My dad came to visit three times and my mom twice. My mother-in-law also visited twice and my father-in-law once. It is always great to see them, and I hope they continue to visit us more often. My dream has always been to have three generations spend as much time together as possible. Unfortunately or fortunately, all our grandparents want to remain independent and live in their respective cities. It’s hard to change the older you get, which is why I’ve been trying so hard to move to Hawaii.

I further strengthened a couple friendships. This is huge because as a stay-at-home dad, it’s often hard to make new friends or deepen friendships. There are simply less social events to attend e.g. happy hour. I love having a good buddy to shoot the shit with. I also developed a new in-person relationship with an FS reader, who also so happens to also be a professional athlete on my favorite team. Pretty neat!

I did some decent home maintenance projects this year: caulked the top of our living room window sill to prevent leaks, varnished all our wood planter boxes, rooted the upstairs sink that was clogging, re-roofed the leaking light well, maintained the yard, and fixed a leaky faucet at my rental. Man, I forgot about all this stuff until my wife reminded me. Thank goodness I sold the other rental.

Finally, we finalized our will and revocable living trust. My wife also led the charge getting us through this cumbersome and complicated process. There were so many documents to gather and questions to ask the estate planning lawyer that she estimates the whole process took her about 40 hours. But after we finally signed all the documents on December 20, I felt a huge sense of relief that I could die knowing that my wife and son wouldn’t have to go through probate court.

2018: 3.8 Out Of 5 Stars

Although I didn’t decide to take it easy per my 2018 goal, I have no regrets staying consistent with Financial Samurai. I don’t think I’ll ever change my work ethic until my body starts breaking down. The joy of writing is so tangible because it is an identifiable product that can be eternally consumed.

It’s been hard to accept no longer making a positive return on my public investments after nine years of up, up, up. I’ve got to do a much better job at not letting financial loss negatively affect my mood and my relationship with my wife. Not taking unnecessary risk will help.

During downturns, I envy those in professions that have nothing to do with the stock market. For example, when I asked my estate planning lawyer about what she thought about the stock market collapse in December, she said she had no idea because she outsources all her financial planning to someone else. What a blessing.

I also have zero regrets being a stay at home dad all year. Yes, the days were long and there were many moments of frustration, but just hearing his squeals of joy made full-time fatherhood worthwhile. All I want to do is squeeze and kiss him 100X a day! I’m so thankful my wife has been an amazing mother and partner all year.

Family and Financial Samurai are my two great loves. Everything comes a distant second. There was a point where we thought we’d never have a child. So we say a prayer of thanks every evening. Financial Samurai has been a part of me since the bottom of the last financial crisis in 2009. It’s like an old friend that has stuck with me in the worst of times.

The key is to not let my two loves collide, but to let them be synergistic. My family gives me motivation to write, while Financial Samurai is a creative outlet that helps ensure we remain stay at home parents until we decide otherwise.

There’s always a silver lining to a downturn too.

For Financial Samurai, it’s increased traffic as more people are paying attention to their finances. Book sales on how to negotiate a severance are also increasing as savvy employees are trying to get ahead of the layoff curve. Finally, our passive income has also increased due to higher interests rates and my shift towards higher yielding assets like cash, bonds, and CDs.

For family life, it’s being less tempted to go back to work because the return on effort has declined. When all is in shambles, why bother dealing with a commute, company politics, difficult clients, and a declining company stock price.

I hope if my boy one day reads this article that’ll he’ll be proud of his dad. Although 2018 wasn’t a fantastic year, it was filled with many positive milestones.

I’ll be sharing my 2019 outlook and goals next. In the meantime, I’d love to hear some of your hits and misses for 2018!

Related: The Best Financial Samurai Posts For 2018

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