#(disclaimer: i have only seen these performances in clips on youtube)

[theodoradove]

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[yoshi-ori]

ranking all 12 boys planet episodes

disclaimers:

i didn't go back and rewatch all the episodes bc i don't have time for that but i did look at some of the youtube clips and the live + post-episode discussion threads on r/boysplanet to refresh my memory

the overall score is mainly based on how fun/boring the episode was and how much evil-editing was involved

i may or may not have been a bit too harsh with the scoring idk

12. episode 1 (2/10)

pros:

everyone looked so happy here (minus jiwoong who just wanted to sleep), back when they didn't have their hopes and dreams crushed

i enjoyed the brief snippets of the trainees fighting for the p01 seat, wish we could've seen more of that

funny moments:

when hui sang for the p01 seat "battle" and jihoo immediately gave up lol

cons:

i'm sorry but i've always found when the mentors talk to be extremely boring and they talk soooo much in this episode 😭 literal snoozefest

speaking of the mentors, i also don't like it when they laughed at the "bad" performances, like i'm probably just being sensitive but i always felt bad for them 😭

i don't like how much they also keep talking about the k vs g group thing like wdym you guys are besties (also it was just boring)

they also talk a lot about the trainees' dreams and how they've trained for so long and while i think that's sweet i also think it's kinda boring

11. episode 4 (2.5/10)

pros:

most of the training segments for this episode were just boring and sad but the two teams that didn't fail me were both hot sauce teams, like it was just good vibes and not really a lot of conflict

speaking of hot sauce, this was the first episode where we got good screentime and storyline for ollie and phanbin like yessss we love to see it

also some parts from the training segments that i did actually like were when yugeng and yang jun made up and when yedam gave up the killing part to shanbin, idk i thought those were pretty sweet and selfless moments and the mentors didn't show up so

cons:

the training segments were boring and sad and i snoozed through them

also daeul got evil-edited really badly and krystian got evil-edited even more which weren't fun to watch

10. episode 7 (2.5/10)

pros:

some more of my favorite performances in this episode, namely tomboy and limousine, which are S-tier and A-tier respectively. boy do i love the dual position battle performances

while i once again found some of the training segments to be boring i did enjoy nslocb and limosine teams since they didn't really have a lot of conflict and it was just good vibes

funny moments:

the rush hour conflict was not fun but i will say i laughed so hard when ricky and seongmin side-eyed the camera 💀

i know this was supposed to be a serious moment but the haobin massage scene made me laugh so hard 😭 it just felt so intimate and sudden that all i can do is just laugh. also the live chat comments were killing me

cons:

more evil edits yayyyy /s. this time we have the continuation of jingxiang's evil edit from episode 6 plus shuaibo which weren't very slay

once again, some of the training segments were really boring. i'm gonna specifically complain about butterfly bc they set up a whole storyline for junseo only for him to still get last? like girl what was the point of that other than making him look bad

9. episode 2 (3/10)

pros:

i like the part when they react to the first episode together it's fun and i do love seeing them laugh and compliment each other

some cool performances in this episode (nunu nana, the real, shut down), i actually liked these more than the episode 1 performances. the real is S-tier while nunu nana and shut down are A-tier for me

the training segments for the signal song test were a mixed bag between boring and not boring but i did enjoy seunghwan helping daeul and phanbin helping hui, i thought those were sweet. i think i enjoyed those moments bc they were wholesome and the mentors weren't talking LOL

the part where they call their parents made me cry but it's such a touching moment and idk it warmed my heart <3

funny moments:

woongki dancing to my bag in the middle of the night

cons:

same problem as the first episode, i found the mentor comments to be super boring and i sleep through them like how jiwoong slept throughout the entire song level test

some of the training segments were also boring and also just made me sad, especially when the trainees get scolded. also there's too many mentor comments zzzzzz

most of the signal song tests were pretty boring to watch and were honestly a drag. i think it's a combination of i don't like seeing the "bad/mid" performances plus the mentor's comments are boring

8. episode 3 (3.5/10)

pros:

i liked their dorm room shenanigans those were cute

i actually did like seeing the good signal song performances mainly bc they went by quickly and the mentors didn't speak much LOL

idk why but i find the part where the trainees pick their teammates for the k vs g group battle to be so fun, i liked the intensity of finding out the top 10 and waiting to see who the trainees will pick and what song they'll pick and stuff like that

funny moments:

anthonny's eye roll when it was revealed that the next mission is k vs g group again like bro same

when they were about to pick teams and haruto's like "GUYS don't forget about me remember when we ate together??" and then him running towards honghai's team in mach speed like 🫶🏃🏻‍♂️ when he got picked

when g-group burn it up team was trying to figure out who has the best abs and they weren't impressed by yutaka's skdlfjs

the arm wresting competition was so fun to watch, g-group needs to drink more milk or smth idk

cons:

the part where they practiced and filmed the signal song performance video was boring idk

i've noticed that this show tends to follow the exact same formula where right before a team is about to perform they like do this flashback where they show the team struggling but then it's ok all turns out fine and dandy in the end, which like makes sense ig since you gotta show the backstory and create sympathy towards the trainees but i still find it boring LOL. idk i just don't like seeing them sad and it just feels like it drags along forever to me

there's also some not-so-fun evil-editing moments in this episode, specifically with krystian and kinda jianyu which is sad

7. episode 9 (3.5/10)

pros:

i did enjoy the part where the switch and supercharger teams had to recruit other trainees into their team like idk i thought how they tried to convince them was fun to watch

the outdoor games they played were fun and a vibe

i also really liked the numerous eliminated trainees cameos/mentions in this episode like during that one outdoor game where they had to find their baby photos or when some of the eliminated trainees showed up to the guerrilla showcase for the trainees whose parents couldn't make it or when some of the eliminated trainees showed up to the artist battle live performances to support their friends 🥺

funny moments:

when shanbin pretended to get kicked out of smn when he just needed to use the bathroom like my guy just likes to do a little trolling

when phanbin revealed he learned the switch choreo just for funsies so he slayed getting the killing part

the en garde prank and seunghwan being an amazing actor like get that man an oscar, i'm convinced inyeon ent saw this segment and thought "we need to recruit him"

kamden twin reveal! and their awkward interaction LOL

cons:

ok i know i said i enjoyed the recruiting segments but the trainees getting kicked from over me and smn was just sad

once again the training segments were really boring, honestly probably more so than the previous missions since the mentors seemed to be more present this time around making it even more boring (idk if they actually were more present but that's just what it seemed like to me)

this episode is the second part of the smn conflict and probably the worst out of the three. people were relentless with him after this episode like mnet why do you hate matthew so much what has he ever done to you

6. episode 10 (3.5/10)

pros:

i love love LOVE the little prince musicals. as someone who loves watching musicals this is definitely one of my favorite things they've done on boys planet. the performances were all so fun and i loved seeing them rehearse and it was such a vibe. so many cute moments like gyuvin, yujin, and gunwook "fighting" over hui, hiroto and takuto pairing up together and seungeon forgetting his lines but not giving up and haobin and gyuhui slaying

this episode also has say my name aka THE superior song of 2023, this song won the artist battle, got a perfect all-kill, and won 29304823 daesangs in my heart <3

funny moments:

when they were guessing who the next star master is gonna be and phanbin guessed tbz juyeon, gyuvin guessed hwanhee, and woongki guessed ariana grande

ricky and ollie being paired up for the musical and ricky doing kabedon on ollie and them getting 0 stars for whatever reason 😭

junhyeon just making stuff as he goes during the musical

cons:

honestly this is kind of a minor gripe and doesn't actually affect my feelings towards this episode that much but i'm still salty about how mnet never released everyone's musicals 😔

more boring training segments yawnnnnn. these conflicts are getting so repetitive it's literally just the same thing: mentors check the team, mentors and dissatisfied, the trainees practice more, the mentors are happy. like bro at least show them singing/rapping more instead of just making it all about dance

FINALLY the smn conflict ends and i was pretty satisfied with the ending but i will forever be salty with mnet, like girlypop there was absolutely no need to drag that on for three whole episodes

also my bird died while i was watching this episode live so

5. episode 11 (6.5/10)

pros:

the outdoor games they played were so fun, lots of funny moments from that segment. some cute moments include phanbin's reaction to being a spy and hiroto's cute "dance battle" and "tteokbokki" aka when i lost the idgaf about hiroto war

also there weren't any training segments in this episode thank GOD

funny moments:

when over me team was doing the pulling up pants game and kuanjui just straight-up bit ricky's pants in his crotch area and over me started playing in the background 💀

leejeong doing badly at the spinning elephant game and everyone in over me team thinking he's the spy only to change their minds at the last minute for some reason?? (the fact that leejeong later revealed that he wasn't pretending to be bad and he did actually get dizzy but the editing made it seem like he was acting bad on purpose makes it funnier LOL)

matthew unintentionally getting the word right during the whisper game

the smirks gyuvin and somi gave to each other

cons:

normally i like elimination episodes but ngl this elimination wasn't as entertaining mainly bc there weren't a lot of trainees left. i was gagged by hui and gyuvin making it since i thought they were goners but that was it. also everyone just looked sad during this elimination idk maybe that's just me

everything after the eliminations (when they were picking teams and positions and choosing the killing part) was kinda boring ngl BUT i will admit i actually didn't catch the ending of this segment bc i had a critique for my art class so like maybe i'm not the best judge for that LOL

4. episode 5 (6.5/10)

pros:

as mentioned before, idk why but i really enjoy watching elimination episodes, especially after the episode is aired. idk i just like the suspense and the trainees trying to guess who will get called up and their reactions when someone's name gets called and the trainee being all shocked and everyone congratulating them and idk i think it's sweet. also i love the "hints" the star master gives they're so silly it's like playing six degrees of separation

also there's no training segments thank GOD

i love all the trainees' little intros and how they paired up based on the best mate contest those were super cute

the dance battles were all fun, idk nothing much to say here they all slayed

can i just say i was absolutely GAGGED during the hot sauce announcement like wdym all of k-group survived with some of them barely making it in. phanbin crying from happiness was so heart-warming 🥺

gunwook and hwanhee gossiping during the entire elimination was so fun

i also liked when shanbin and matthew were contenders for p01 and they talked about auditioning for boys planet together and stuff like that got me in the feels 😭

funny moments:

shuaibo doing moe moe kyun at gunpoint with junhyeon

yugeng telling yang jun all of his predictions and getting most of them wrong

the woongki vs keita dance battle was fun but the trainees' reactions are what really take the cake

cons:

ok i know i said i like elimination episodes but obviously i don't like it when my faves get eliminated and jang jiho being the only one left standing in the k-group aju nice team absolutely broke my heart 😭

also the trainees' speeches are pretty boring and they tend to get kinda repetitive pretty quickly

i was pretty disappointed when they suddenly made k-group win the dance battle competition when g-group was leading even if they did end up sharing the pizza in the end

the cultural appropriation prank was NOT it and (most of) the trainees laughing was also not it 😭

the hyunbeen prank also felt pretty mean and it felt like they were skinny-shaming him like idk maybe i'm being sensitive but yeah that was not a vibe

3. episode 12 (7/10)

pros:

i absolutely love the beginning when they introduce the top 18 through fun little films that reflect each trainee's interests and vibes and stuff like that part was so cool

the self-made concept teasers the jelly pop and hot summer teams made were so fun

i LOVE the sleepover and how they talked about first impressions like that is my absolute favorite conversation starter and everyone's just laughing and having fun and roasting each other and remiscing good memories and it's just so wholesome <3

funny moments:

the whole kamden jelly noona thing. no elaboration needed

junhyeon calling phanbin handsome but phanbin not hearing him correctly 😭

kamden asking if he has an american vibe and the other trainees just going "no"

when they tried correcting matthew's pronounciation on jiwoong's name but he still pronounces it like "jiwoon-hyung" anyway

jiwoong's "sorry what was the group name again?"

gyuvin's "sorry i forgot"

cons:

this episode is SO long like i would never rewatch this episode from beginning to end ever again ngl

on a related note, some parts of this episode dragged on for so long like the introduction and how to vote and the group name reveal and the members reveal. like i understand why since this was an actual live episode but yeah i'm not rewatching those parts again LOL

the stuff with the mentors was kinda boring, like i did enjoy the trainees making the flower headwear things and the cakes and the silly little song they sang but everything else was kind of a drag

i thought the fans' messages were really touching and stuff but for some reason i've never liked seeing other kpop fans LOL like idk it just gives me the ick (also partially the reason why i don't really like when mnet cuts to the audience's reaction during performances)

seeing phanbin cry and keita look so sad broke my heart into a million pieces 😭

2. episode 6 (7/10)

pros:

the ghost prank at the beginning of the episode was pretty funny

idk why but similar to the trainees picking their teams for the k vs g group batte, i find the trainees picking their songs and other trainees pushing them out to be so fun to watch, i love the suspense and overdramatization of it all

some of my favorite performances are from this episode, namely zoom and gang, which are S-tier and A-tier respectively

speaking of gang i enjoyed seeing their team interact the most, idk it's just good vibes and the only "conflict" that happened was trying to come up with a bunch of dance breaks but that was figured out relatively quickly

funny moments:

when gunwook pushed woongki out of tomboy and he acted all sad about it at first before strutting his way towards feel special

ricky winking at jiwoong only for him to get pushed out of love killa 💀

junhyeon yelling at shanbin to push out gunwook so that he can join ggang while gunwook is just trying to hide

jiwoong acting all silly and goofy and the birth of mattwoong

the sheer difference between woojin's timid vocals vs mingyu belting out man in love

cons:

same problem i mentioned before with the k vs g group battle, some of these training segments and the conflicts they faced were really boring

this episode planted the seed of jingxiang's evil edit before it fully bloomed in the next episode which wasn't a slay

1. episode 8 (7.5/10)

pros:

another elimination episode :D as mentioned before i enjoy eliminations and the suspense and yada yada yada

once again the intros were very fun and wholesome good stuff

i did quite enjoy watching the trainees go to their artist battle teams and their reactions every time someone joins them, like when the besties woongki and seowon ended up on the same team together or when everyone was so happy to see gunwook in en garde

planet camp tour was pretty fun, i liked seeing the trainees just vibing all around planet camp

the sports day segment was also super fun i loved it. lots of fun moments from the princesses to the chicken fight to the sudden genshin sponsorship

more gagged moments from this elimination, probably the most gagged i've been was when leejeong manifested ranking 23rd

funny moments:

the smn prank has got to be one of my favorite moments in the show. idk i just really like silly pranks like this LOL

hui practicing his why-i-should-be-leader speech in the bathroom is so funny to me like honestly mood

cons:

the training segments for the third mission were such a drag like dang why did you have to ruin a good episode like this smh (i mean granted it was less painful since the mentors didn't show up i think BUT STILL)

also some evil edits here with jingxiang (again) and ichan which were not a vibe

also this episode planted the seed to the mattbin smn conflict which lasted for an unnecessary two more episodes which was also not a vibe

this is all just my opinion no i don't take criticism thanks for reading

[wewinbees]

Techno vs Dream Duel

i saw twitter talking about the dream vs techno duel and it revived something in me im talking about it again (on here i won’t use that website but they missed a few stuff and hgnfnfn thoughts must go somewhere)

edit: putting this disclaimer at the top of the post bc its long and i didn’t realise it was technically cc neg until after posting it LMAO. basically tl;dr is duel weird, glad theyre friends now

so the big prerequisite to the duel is based on reputation. despite his channel being quite content based on mid-2019 with his new skyblock series, technoblade soon joined minecraft mondays, where he earned his reputation among the larger YT circle as a PVP god, winning 4 times and coming 1st individual more often than not. there was plenty of toxicity from other players, but the event helped his channel take off during the new minecraft resurgence. techno’s fanbase grew quickly and began to hold High Expectations for him, seeing all the times he’d won in the past

around this time, dream started his channel and actually was in MCM 9, teamed with BBH and it was one of his first big events. he ended up in 11th individual, with techno coming in 1st, though dream and bbh finished one place above him in teams.

dream established himself through his speedrunning, both challenges like the manhunts and ‘minecraft, but’ videos, and was shown to be one of the best 1.9 pvpers. and rose very quickly, hitting 1mil by the end of 2019 and growing quick through the rest of the year. he quickly became known as ‘one of the best minecraft players’, and made lots of videos with mr beast at the time, all of which portrayed him as such - a legendary minecraft player.

funnily enough, techno had an interaction with mr beast already, during MCM week 13 with wilbur, where he placed a 15k bounty on him in the final round of hunger games, announcing it halfway through the tournament, putting stress on both him and wilbur (who had 0 chance of winning Anything, by the way) and probably screwing their chances of winning. and when techno was panicking and brought it up, mr beast went “haha. anyway!” like LITERALLY he said “aren’t you the best minecraft player??” like that’s gonna stop getting hard targeted. they didn’t win, and wilbur was really cool about it, this is still one of my fav MCM POVs bc they’re so fun together despite this being like the first time they talked. but still. mr beast’s attitude with dream is already Pretty tonally different than his w techno back then

now i could only find one video of them together between this and MCC 6, Dream’s enderdragon vid which was pretty chill, but the techno vs dream rivalry was born from MCC. i didn’t join the new mcyt fanbase until around october, so i don’t know the full extent to how they were compared before this (most is just researched through youtube comments and reddit as well as just word of mouth accounts from diff ppl), but i’ve seen a little bit, specifically in a dream and mr beast collab, where dream didn’t want to go along with that, but he doesn’t Quite keep up that attitude later on. if you watch that clip, you might wanna watch a little bit after it as well, they go on for longer than a minute (which oh my god why)

at the time, techno was in the last 2 weeks of the potato war where he farmed nonstop, meaning he hadn’t practiced at All - this was one of his 3 interruptions from farming, and as a result it was his worst ever performance…. at 9th place, still coming 4th in teams, only 195 coins away from dream’s team. 9th individual is still a good score, might i add, he’s one of the only players that have never dropped out of the top 10 despite playing in 10 canon events. dream got 3rd individual, which is amazing for a debut, but this led to uh. ahha

dream made his Only Ever MCC video, the day after the tournament, to hype up the new rivalry. now i made a post about this before that summarises it, and framed it comedically so i could put it in the dream tag, but really this is a Big example of dream pushing the rivalry more than techno. and techno is shown to HATE This fucking video man. like ohhhh boy he doesn’t like it, which, yeah, absolutely fair enough!

if he made a vid out of MCC 9, dream getting 13th and him getting 2nd, and then framed the whole vid around that, it would be EXTREMELY BM!!! especially since as this point they didn’t know eachother very well, dream saying they only really became friends after techno joined the dream smp. So It’s A Yikes there. the antagonistic tweets are more obvious for that, but i know dream deleted a lot of them (which is good on him, actually)

basically, while techno absolutely added to the rivalry bc it was good content, dream pushed it a lot more, and in more of a taunty way that techno. and from what i see it was largely bc of his reputation as a New Minecraft Youtuber. he wanted to hype himself up more, and what better way to do that than taking down the old king.

i haven’t found the clip quite yet, but there’s a bit of techno talking about his reputation before dream came around, where most people said that techno wasn’t that great at PVP, but made up for it in his ‘high IQ plays and good game strategy’ and how after dream came around that was inverted, which him and everyone else in the call agreed Was Worse. he would rather be smart than good at video games. that’s not true though, we’ve all seen the potato war here, he is Scarily smart

now MCC week 7 is an event. here’s another post of mine on it, but to summarise it was SCUFFED and Dream’s team suffered bc of it and he got Kinda Toxic. threatening to log out midgame and saying the tournament was rigged in techno’s favour (which, haha, laughs in MCM). this is BAD and ended up festering some hate towards the noxcrew, which is a great way to make me personally lose all respect for anyone bc i love MCC and noxcrew and oh my god i want their hand in marriage so bad it’s my favourite ever.

but anyways, the next event is MCC 8 where they team, and THIS is where the duel was born. basically, in the team announcements, mr beast brings up the duel (see above) and techno and dream both respond. dream’s response is deleted, but he said something like “hell yes, sign me up, my middle name is down” to which techno says

now my issue with this one? based on these tweets, THE DUEL HADN’T BEEN CONFIRMED. AND IT WAS MENTIONED PUBLICALLY. WHAT. now i’m going by the assumption that it had been at least mentioned in private before this, but a precedent has been set with these tweets: mr beast wants to do it, dream wants to do it, techno does Not Want To Do It.

meaning if it never happened, people would know who backed out. so there is now Public Pressure on techno to accept this duel, for which the stakes are Insanely High, or else people will know he was the one who wouldn’t do it, making him seem cowardly and unofficially confirming ‘Dream’s better than him’. so now he basically HAS to accept

basically immediately he jumps into the training arc, from the potato war and straight into the 1.9 training. from what i’ve seen, he mainly trained with fruitberries, cxlvxn and tapl (dunno if firebreathman was there for this one?) in both 1.8 and 1.9. apparently techno had actually suggested they do all the rounds in 1.9, dream’s main version, but it was split both ways. techno trained this for it looks like most of august, and his according to friends had ended up busy enough he barely talked. this stream at 31:19 is just one example, here’s a great phil clip too, but this duel was a Big Deal!

not even bc of the money, the guys were already loaded, but because of his reputation, Because that’s what the stakes of the duel were for techno. he’s supposed to win. and as a result the pressure was insanely inproportionate. from what dream said, he thought this duel would be interesting because he wanted to know who would win, and he wanted to prove himself. for techno, it was more that he Had to prove himself

this clip from techno says it best. because this is what it hinged on. techno had everything to lose from this duel. dream didn’t have to win, he’s a speedrunner, his audience never had such high expectations for him it became a meme to say “L” when he won. he could afford to lose. techno couldn’t. and as a result, oh BOY was there gonna be stress, and for a guy who already has anxiety issues that could not have been fun

they split the money before the duel, to try to reduce the stakes a little. techno’s tweet on the image a lil bit below shows him openly admitting to being stressed, which is such a tonal difference to dream’s taunting tweets by the way, plus there’s multiple clips of him saying he couldn’t eat for a few days before the duel [at 4:15] then one saying he couldn’t really eat AFTER, all because of stress.

the mind games around the duel are interesting. apparently dream considered his big advantage to be techno’s stress. he wanted the first round in 1.8, hoping to beat techno in his own version to psyche him out for the rest of the game, he told techno that he knew the name of his alt account just before the duel started and overall thought his lack of stress from high pressure situations would be what would win him the duel. he duelled tommy, wanting to underperform apparently just bc he thought techno would see and underestimate him. Huh?

ironically, he found out techno’s alt and panicked bc techno had a 99.3 KDA, and lost the round in 1.8 and said he was nervous for a few rounds that he won in. which brings us on to Sportmanship. if you want to see for yourself watch (or just skim) these two videos. now techno is a great sport most of the time, it’s a big appeal of his content for me, but dream repeatedly makes excuses for his loss and techno’s win

that he “should have won” and got “lucky hits” and that he overall “performed better” because he finished with more health on some rounds? bro. You Lost. now from what I’ve heard the claim that “two equally matched players can 7-3 eachother depending on the day” isn’t completely untrue, which is code for i heard fruit say it once, so i trust dream on that one. but the amount of excuse making here does Not sit right for me. like i get he’s salty bc the loss, which again! Fair! but it’s just. Ehhh. take the L on that one bro

i will say, in a brief defence of dream, even though he WAS kind of a dick around the rivalry, no one knows that better than himself. he’s expressed regret about the kind of way he acted around this time, and him and techno are still friends now, and he’s straight up said losing the duel to techno humbled him, and was probably for the best.

BUT ALSO THIS VID WHERE HE HAS TO 1v1 LIKE 50 PPL AFTERWARDS FOR HIS EGO HAHA WHY DID YOU DO THIS ONE DREAM WHAT

adding later, but heres a thread from dream’s private Twitter talking about how stressful it was for him and what it felt like after losing! there was a lot of stress on both sides on the competition

as for the mr beast bias, the format of the video was meant to be karl: dream support, chris: techno support and then him as a neutral commentator. Didn’t Work Out, techno won and mr beast went “Noooo-oh, my goodness!” and when dream was losing, he went “dreams meant to be one of the best players in the world, where is this coming from?” to which techno says “im not half bad myself”. not the best unbiased host. also techno tried to shout out calvin for help with training rod PVP and the editor put in a picture of Famed Protestant John Calvin. scammed

now the dream vs techno duel is Literally what made me a techno fan. and it’s all bc of this one clip that i saw in a compilation that made me lose it. he trained for like a full month w the best 1.9 PVPer. and NO ONE TOLD HIM?? huh???? AND HE STILL WON?? bro that’s hilarious my brains picking that one

rewatching the duel theres at least 1 obvious point where he tried to axe crit while sprinting (he comments “i miss the axe crit there and lose the fight as a result”) it is just. Wow. and im not even good at PVP or PVP analysis, so chances are there’s more i didn’t notice.

now technotwt found this and were understandably sad about the lack of support techno got. that’s not my main issue here though. this was run BEFORE the duel. it was recorded later that day, on the 27th, and then released on the 29th. that’s why i have the 2 other tweets, to show the timing. bullshit. Poll, techno saying he’s stressed and THEN recording time.

techno had to go into the duel knowing only 20 fucking percent of people had confidence in his win. WHY? there was literally no fucking need to run the poll beforehand, if it was done after the recording but BEFORE the upload, it wouldn’t have changed the content at all, But no. techno went in with a NUMBER. 20% of people. goddamn it. oh well, his dad had his back at least. technodad, you’ll never not be the coolest. i don’t think mr beast had any malicious intent w this but still makes me mad

on the subject of dads though. philza minecraft, the only man? fuck yeah bro. he had techno’s back, dude, oh my God. here’s a clip of him telling techno how hyped he was for the win (plus tommy talking about missing techno while he was gone training). while all of Dream’s friends were taunting techno w pics of bacon and pigs? PHILZA DRANK WHATEVER THIS WAS!! MY STREAMER!!

techno also had the support of like tapl, calvin, sophie, niki and plenty others, with tommy and tubbo showing their vouch when reacting to it on stream, and plenty were neutral (as seen in the poll) but the scales were notably weighted towards dream, especially in terms of content creators. techno probably knew that going in, but still must have sucked. reblogging this post w a redemptive feature of this though

extra things:

this is a must watch for this subject by the way, i linked it before but just in general Watch This One

this is very good further watching too, this guys analysis was amazing

this is funny too, but it’s quite recent and shows dream’s past the bad days of the rivalry

techno being funny in the duel

more recent, but the techno banter episode talks about a lot of the things in the post at around 4:14

i’ll also say, it doesn’t seem like there’s any bad blood between techno and mr beast or anything, like at all. as much as this post may suggest, they’ve done plenty of videos together since the duel (with one coming out relatively soon i think??) and this is all just my interpretation and part of why i personally am not a fan of the guy, but from what the fans can see they Are chill and it’s weird to assume content creators secretly hate eachother.

exactly the same thing goes with techno and dream! we know that they’re good friends now, and no matter how iffy things seemed around the duel, it is all in the past and we shouldn’t use the duel or things from the early rivalry as any kind of overruling event to judge them on who they are now. these are just my words on it all

now i didn’t clip or source Everything, bc some videos wouldn’t let me clip and i didn’t want to put a tonne of timestamps, but if you want me to hoke something specific out please let me know and I’ll put it in the replies (or the main post i don’t mind)

[realllllfangirllllll]

{SF9 Reaction} They get jealous of you fangirling at another group.

Kingdom Edition

{Requested by anon}

SF9 Masterlist

Main Masterlist

(Disclaimer: I kinda wrote mini scenarios for each of them b/c I love this concept so much ashfdgkkjs)

Youngbin

The two of you were pretty transparent with each other in the relationship so he knew you stanned many other groups besides his own. Nothing really bothered him, but that was until he joined Kingdom. While the two of you sat on your couch, cuddled against each other to rewatch the pilot episode, you kept commenting on Bang Chan’s performance and how he had such great leadership skills. Youngbin felt himself get jealous especially when the topic of leadership was brought up. He tried his best to conceal his expression so he raised his other hand that wasn’t wrapped around your waist to the side of his face. You noticed his behavior and immediately thought of a mischievous plan. After all, it wasn’t everyday that you saw your calm and composed boyfriend on the verge of breaking down from jealousy. You purposely escalated your fangirling on Bang Chan until Bin couldn’t contain his composure anymore and he unwinded his arm around your waist, got up, and stood in front of your view. You suppressed your laughter as you moved your head around in an attempt to watch the tv but he wasn’t impressed. His entire body moved along with wherever you moved and you ended up bursting out into giggles. You grabbed his waist to still him but he didn’t budge. “Kitten, I’m not going to stop until you praise me like you did with Bang Chan,” Youngbin said in a bitter tone. You stopped giggling and stood on the couch to match his height. Out of the blue, you showered his sour face with kisses and his expression immediately shifted into his signature eye smile. You pulled back and said sweetly, “How about I give you kisses instead?”

Inseong

Inseong just got back from his shooting for Kingdom and you welcomed him with your arms and wide opened for a hug. He always loved when you gave him a long, warm hug after a day of tiring work but today, he was a lot clingier than usual. He never pulled apart from the hug and walked forward, which caused you to topple over the soft couch. You giggled as he stuffed his face into the side of your neck and took a whiff of your scent. You wiggled around as he tickled you with his breath. In between your giggles you asked why he was being like a mopey puppy and he let out a long groan. He pulled apart and stared up into your eyes with his dopey ones and whined, “When we got ready to leave the shooting site for Kingdom, Chanwoo came up to me and told me how nice you were. How do you guys even know each other??” You chuckled at his pouty and jealous expression and placed your hand on top of his head. You played with his fluffy hair and told him in an amused tone, “Chani had his number and I love Chanwoo’s voice.” You saw Inseong pout again and you continued teasing him, “I couldn’t just give up on such a great opportunity. I am a dedicated ikonic.” The last sentence triggered him and he immediately hoisted his body up and peered down at you with jealousy, “I thought you love my voice.” You giggled and decided to stop teasing him before he exploded with even more jealousy and wrapped your arms around his neck. You pulled him down and connected your lips to his, “I love your voice the most.” He immediately replaced the pout on his lips with a wide smile.

Jaeyoon

You waited for Jaeyoon to finish taking a shower after he came back from his shoot for Kingdom so you sprawled yourself across your bed and decided to stream the youtube clips of previous Kingdom performances on your iPad. The thumbnail of The Boyz’s performance caught your eye and you clicked into the clip. You were so excited to see another version of The Stealer and also couldn’t wait to see your bias, Sangyeon, dancing to it. You were so absorbed into their beautiful choreo, you didn’t realize that Jaeyoon came out of the bathroom and was standing by the bed frame for a good ten minutes. He cleared his throat but you didn’t hear him through the loud audio. Jealously crept into his veins and he tried his best to cover it with sarcasm, “Should I dance to The Stealer so my baby will pay attention to me?” You finally heard him and chuckled at his behavior. You taunted him in response, “But it won’t be the same because you’re not Sangyeon.” Jaeyoon gasped, feigning hurt and took the device from your hands. He carelessly placed it on the bedside table before he flung himself onto the soft mattress. He hovered over you and said with amusement, “Well then I guess I have to show you why Jaeyoon is even better.”

Dawon

Dawon stared at you for the longest time in disbelief and chuckled out of nervousness as you sat beside him on the couch of his company’s dance studio. You made dramatic fangirl comments at Ateez’s Kingdom performance especially when Seonghwa appeared on the screen. You punched Dawon’s arm and told him to watch with you, excessively showering Seonghwa with praises. You weren’t oblivious to your boyfriend’s jealousy but you loved it whenever the opportunity came up. He has a tendency of sarcastically laughing with a hint of shy nervousness when he gets jealous and that was exactly how he was acting at the moment. Originally, you only wanted to see Ateez’s performance because you were a big fan of them and because you were waiting for Dawon to finish practicing. But when he came down and sat beside you, you unintentionally praised Seonghwa’s beauty on stage which sparked Dawon’s jealously and you couldn’t help but to continuously tease him and rile him up. As a result, you amped up your inner fangirl until Dawon couldn’t handle it anymore. “Okay that’s it,” He chuckled bitterly and grabbed your phone. You turned to him and he stared into your eyes with a pout and large puppy eyes. “Focus on me baby.” You swallowed down a laughter and extended your arm out for the phone and wailed, “But my Seonghwa!” At this rate, Dawon knew you were messing with him so he grabbed your arms and placed it around his neck before he proceeded to lift you up off the couch and onto him. He sat back down on the couch and had you on top of his laps. Quickly and cunningly, he shoved your phone underneath his butt and sarcastically remarked with amusement, “Come get your phone if you want to see your Seonghwa that badly.”

Rowoon

Rowoon had just come back from his shooting for Kingdom and you followed him around the house like a lost puppy. “Did you see Younghoon? Did you get to talk to him? How was it seeing him perform live??” You fired questions at him like an automatic rifle, clearly showing your enthusiasm as a Deobi, especially a Younghoon stan. Rowoon knew you really liked The Boyz and he was usually fine with your enthusiastic support for the group. He would even join you and fanboy himself when you watch their stages on Youtube. But Rowoon was exhausted after the shooting and was anticipating to have his s/o welcome him home with some love, something he missed so much after being apart from you for drama and Kingdom shootings. Instead, you were asking him about another man and that immediately sparked his jealousy. At first, he just let you ramble on as he took off his shoes and went to the bathroom to freshen up. He loves you and he usually will never pick a fight or act petty no matter how jealous he was. You knew that. You also knew that he was jealous the moment you opened your mouth. At first, you only wanted to get some intel from your boyfriend who had seen one of your biases in person but after seeing the jealousy that flashed in his eyes, you made it your mission to make Rowoon crack for once. You were enjoying yourself so much that you continued talking about Younghoon even as he was in the shower. You leaned against the marble sink and tried saying random nonsense to rile him up but he only chuckled at your fangirl behavior and continued to shower. Suddenly, a mischievous thought crossed your mind and you waited until Rowoon turned off the shower faucet and stepped out to initiate the plan. You feigned a curious, innocent stare at him and placed your hand beneath your chin as if you were deeply contemplating. “Babe, I’m curious about something...” He absentmindedly replied as he plugged in the hair dryer to the wall outlet, “Oh yeah? What is it?” You smirked and eyed him up and down, “Do you think Younghoon is as tall and built as you?” Rowoon froze midway through drying his hair. He turned towards you and turned the device off with a jealous look on his face, one that you have never seen before. You bit down on your lips to hold back a laughter. Gotcha. Before he could muster up a response you continued, “What about his laugh? Does he laugh like you do?” You stared at your boyfriend innocently and his face was flushed red with jealousy. He placed the hair dryer aside and suddenly hoisted you up on top of his broad shoulders, “Definitely not.” He said firmly and then chuckled before softly throwing you onto the cloud-like mattress. His face hovered closely above yours, “He will never be able to easily carry you like I just did nor could he ever make you smile the way I do.” You burst out into giggles as he proceeded to tickle you until you shower him with compliments the way you did with Younghoon.

Zuho

Zuho casually talked to you about his experience in Kingdom as he drove through the dimly lit streets. The two of you decided to go for a quick date late at night, mostly to avoid getting caught by the media, and he was beyond excited to tell you about meeting his seniors. You listened intently and responded with excitement as well since the both of you were huge fans of Btob. Zuho stopped talking once the car had arrived to the isolated park. The two of you laid on top of the car’s hood and gazed at the stars in the night sky and continued the conversation. Somewhere in the middle of your chat, you turned to him and pouted. You told him you wish you were there as well because you wanted to see and hear Minhyuk live. You emphasized with a big pout on your lips, “I want to see Minhyuk rap with his husky voice but also hear him sing with his honey smooth vocals.” Zuho froze for a second, your words not fully processing through his mind. He turned towards you and mumbled with slight jealousy, “I didn’t know you like Minhyuk that much.” He chuckled in disbelief and questioned you, “Husky voice? Honey smooth vocals?” He then became really flustered, caught by surprise at you fangirling more than usual. He kept blinking in disbelief, unable to accept the fact that you liked Minhyuk so much. You found amusement in his cute behavior and teased him even more. You placed your hands by your heart and said dramatically, “I could die happily once I hear Minhyuk live.” Zuho started to get really flustered, cheeks red with jealousy. You chuckled at your adorable boyfriend and squished his cheeks, “I’m messing with you babe! I’m a diehard Melody but my boyfriend is always the #1 person I’d die for.” You gave him a ridiculously sweet look and he caved in. He pulled you on top of him for a hug before the both of you accidentally slid off the side of the hood and onto the ground, with Zuho underneath you as a cushion. He grunted at the impact as you giggled uncontrollably.

Taeyang

When you were mindlessly humming to No Air in the kitchen after watching The Boyz’s latest Kingdom performance, Taeyang’s ears perked up and jealousy immediately ignited in his body. Yes, he gets jealous that easily. You would usually tell him how you enjoy watching The Boyz perform because it’s so satisfying and he would agree because it’s true. But you would also start to notice his pettiness everytime you mention them. He’d nod at your comments and agree but in a way that seems almost sarcastic. “Yeah they are great dancers,” he’d tell you. But then he’d look up at you and say, almost for confirmation, “But I’m a great dancer too.” You’d chuckled to yourself and agree or else you know he’ll be sulking for the rest of the day. But this time, you wanted to see how Taeyang gets when he’s really jealous. At first, No Air really was stuck on your head so you were humming to it. However, something mischievous struck you as you were making chocolate covered strawberries in the kitchen. You wanted to see how far you could take the joke so you purposely pressed his buttons. From the moment he heard you humming, he immediately dashed by your side and wrapped his arms around you as you boiled the chocolate. He laid his head on your shoulder and tried his best to subtly ask you, “Were you watching The Boyz’s performance again?” You replied with a yes and emphasized, “Juyeon is such a great dancer and his expressions are so intriguing,” and that’s when Taeyang lost it. He clung onto you as you were trying to cool down the chocolate and even while you were moving to grab the strawberries from the fridge, he’d stick to you like glue and kept asking you why you like Juyeon so much. “Babyyy,” he whined, “Did you forget about me??” He kept kissing your cheeks with his arms wrapped around you as you struggled to wash the strawberries. At the end, you gave up and twisted around to face him. His arms never let go of your waist as he continued saying jealous nonsense. You took your hand and squished his cheeks, “You are the best, most handsome and talented dancer, artist, and boyfriend okay?” He smirked, satisfied, and you giggled at his ridiculous face squished between your hand. He was just about to open his mouth to spew more nonsense and you shoved a strawberry in his mouth, “okay now shush babe. I love you but I want to eat my chocolate covered strawberries, preferably with the chocolate, so stop clinging onto me.”

Hwiyoung

Hwiyoung’s a fun-loving boyfriend and he wouldn’t just randomly get jealous even if you were meeting up with an ex. He respects your boundaries and trusts your decisions. You love him for that but it also wanted made you curious as to how your boyfriend would react when jealous. SO you decided to surprise him after his Kingdom shoot and went to pick him up with their manager. You hid in the van and surprised the boys when they came toward the vehicle. The eight boys already knew your devious plan and paid no mind to you acting unusually dramatic as you kept asking him if he talked to Hyunjin during the shoot and if you could meet him as well. He looked at you weirdly with a bit of skepticism, “You weren’t that interested in meeting him when I was on Idol Radio with him..why are you so eager now?” You flinched at his retaliation and quickly hopped into the van. You heard Rowoon and Juho snickered in the back and you glared at them for the mockery. As the engine started and the vehicle started down the road back to the dorms, you initiated your second attempt to get under your boyfriend’s skin. You pulled out your phone and watched the Stray Kids’s introduction stage on youtube without earphones. Subtly, you turned to Hwiyoung and asked with the most innocent and adoring eyes, “Babe I didn’t know Hyunjin looked so great with long hair.” At that comment, Hwiyoung’s expression slightly shifted. Almost immediately he responded with a more serious tone, “Even better than I did?” You held back your laughter and felt success creeping up. In the back of the van, you saw Rowoon and Zuho giving you a slightly surprised expression. You winked at them and got excited as your boyfriend gradually became jealous. When you all got back to the dorm, Hwi stuck to your side. You tried so hard not to laugh as he kept asking you with slight skepticism in his tone, “When did you like Hyunjin so much?” “Should I grow out my long hair again?” He acted like a kid got abandoned by his mother and needed to grab your attention. To your surprise, he acted in such a different way than you would’ve thought. But you found it so adorable so you teased him even more by turning the tv on to watch a Hyunjin fancam. Hwi caught you by surprise again as he plopped down on the couch beside you and wiggled adorably to get your attention. You raised the remote to your lips and masked your giggles, keeping note to tease him more often.

Chani

Another one that doesn’t get jealous often. Or ever actually. That’s just not the way he shows affection. But that was until things got a little too personal. Beside the sepgu boys, Chani has never really seen you interact with any of his other friends so he never understood actual jealousy. However, after the one time Chanwoo called Chani to thank him for his advice on Kingdom, he started to notice how much you liked Chanwoo and Ikon. Because of your boyfriend’s appearance on Kingdom, you started to take an interest on Ikon and became a fan of their music. It was true that you liked Chanwoo’s voice but it was never really to the extent of fangirling over him. That thought never crossed your mind until Chani kept asking you how much you liked Ikon, or most importantly, Chanwoo. From his point of view, he’d always notice how your face brightens while watching Ikon performances on the tv. He’d stare at you with a hesitant smile and when you asked him what he was staring at you for, he’d simply reply with a shrug, “You always seem so happy to see Chanwoo’s part in the song.” At first, you hadn’t put much thought into his comment until he continuously brought it up every time an Ikon music video appeared on tv. And so one day, you decided to tease him and hopefully see your boyfriend become an adorable, jealous mess. The two of you were browsing through Netflix shows in your bedroom since it was his free day. You had the remote as you struggled to find something remotely interesting to watch. The two of you slept until late afternoon, yet Chani was still as drowsy as before. You chuckled to yourself as he laid comfortably on your shoulder. Suddenly, he shifted on the bed and got up to go to the bathroom. You found this to be the perfect chance to rile him up so you quickly exited the Netflix page and went to youtube to watch a Chanwoo fancam. Chani came back and slightly flinched in surprise at the tv screen. Your eyes were glued to the tv screen and you ignored him as he crawled back onto the bed and asked, “I thought we were watching a show?” You smiled to yourself and told him you felt like watching Chanwoo dance instead. You were mentally preparing yourself to see Chani act adorably jealous but he took you by surprise and grabbed the remote from you. He turned the tv off and stared at you with dark lust in his eyes. You fell back against the headboard as he hovered over you. He whispered in a deep voice with apparent annoyance and jealousy in his tone, “Chanwoo this. Chanwoo that. It seems like you forgotten who your boyfriend is.” You chuckled nervously and told him you were just joking, but it was too late. Chani pulled the covers over the both of you and lets just say...you eventually got off bed to have your first meal of the day in the late evening.

———

• Yes. These were long. Yes. Some of these gradually got spicy. 🥵 But I couldn’t help it I love the boys agsgsksks •

• Support the boys (and other groups) on kingdom! •

[kanmom51]

JM JK timeline.- my observations how they grew over the years - 2018

Disclaimer: these are my own opinions and conclusions.  Feel free to disagree, but hate or aggression will be unacceptable.

Part 2

March 2018 Run BTS episode 43

There is an apparent closeness, JK gravitating in JM’s direction, keeping an eye on him.  But the kicker for me was when Suga was supposed to smell the food and member, and recognized JM as JK.  This is not the first or last time that the other members seem to mix the two up.

12 March 2018 J-Hope Mix tape shoot - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uuy-otdJQR0&t=600s (part 2).

JK arrives to visit when V and Suga are on the set already.  JK helps out with the shooting of J-Hopes ‘Daydream’ MV and just filming J-Hope on set in general. Then JM arrives on set too.  There isn’t recorded interaction between them at that point.  

JM capturing JK filming J-hope.

JM & JK leaving together, because they have things they needed to do…

Who you looking at JK?

March 2018 Run BTS episode 44.  

JK rubbing JM’s waist.

March 2018 Run BTS episode 45.

The barista episode.  JK lets us know JM looks like a young barista only to follow with telling us that baristas are cool.  JM gives JK to taste the coffee he made.  JK tries to keep a straight face even though he dislikes it immensely, and when JM’s not looking, he shows us just how much he hates it…

4 April 2018 YouTube Red: Burn the stage episode 2.- This is the episode documenting JK’s collapse during the Santiago concert.  See my 2017 timeline .

7 April 2018 Jimin uploads 3 photos to Twitter, including one taken by JK, of which I like to refer to as JK’s ‘sky & people’ photo.

8 April 2018 BTS X Puma fan sign. - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gahBvVk7PM .

April 2018 Run BTS episode 48.  The village episode.  JK was so clueless, trying to convince JM he’s not the criminal, all the time while JM was one.  I know nothing major happened in this episode, just them being cute.

18 April 2018 YouTube Red: Burn the stage.

JK & JM went bowling together, highlighting, once again, how those two choose to spend their free time with each other.

18-25 April 2018 Tokyo Japan 4th Muster – Happy ever after.  JM couldn’t keep his hands off JK’s behind.  Even their outfits couldn’t separate from each other. Tae had to come to the rescue and pull the apart. Lol.  The famous Nagoya moment also happened.  No real footage of this moment.  There was a very big buzz about this moment between JM & JK, but for lack of footage I prefer not to address it.

23 April 2018 Jimin Vlive - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZ3bYLp968g&t=1482s (start from 21 min.).

We always talk about how JM is calculated, how he knows what he is saying and usually won’t fuck up. If he says something, it’s something he meant to be out there.  That sometimes is thrown right out of the window when he is in JK’s proximity. Well, this time JK was no where around, and still, for me, this was one of those instances I would consider a ‘JM fuckup’.  

He talks about their performance that day, how the costumes made him laugh and how it was hard for him to concentrate.  He thanked the stylists for their hard work.  Then he stops talking for a second, and you can see his mind working: “do I say this? “, only to come out with one of the more outrageous things we have heard from him yet.  

Yes Jimin, it must have been really hilarious to see JK’s naked back, so much so that you lost your concentration.

I will let you decide on the matter.  This is the said shirt JK wore that day:

Hilarious is it? Do you imagine seeing JK’s naked back seeing him like this? Ahm…

28 April 2018 BTS for NHK song programme. RM’s reaction. Lol.

30 April 2018 GCF Osaka - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMEkmiQP5bg

This GCF clip is already official BTS content, not like GCFT which was JK’s private project.

Although being BTS official content, JM still rules as far as screen time.  We can see the way JM interacts with JK while being filmed, acting natural in front of JK’s camera, talking to JK, not the camera, only comes to show just how much he is used to JK filming him.  

JK loves to film JM goofing around, and JM loves to goof around for JK. But this is not something new to us. We have seen JK follow JM around and film him for years now.  JK may feebly deny that JM is his main model for GCF, but we know otherwise, don’t we? It’s like when JK was asked why he filmed JM all the time, his answer was that JM was just always around when he filmed…   Lol.  

To be continued...

[rainbowsky]

yibo never gave me totally straight vibes ever, i know his solo stand bring up the bts where he tells an old man he's straight but after watching the whole video i was more like that was his way of escaping that mans hug as the director had said the same to the actor who hugged him. even with his uniq bros he was and is close to them but he wasnt all over them as the rest were with eachother. maybe im wrong but the boy is confident now coz he's basically grown up the show business.

I'm not sure if you've been asked this so I apologize if this is a   repeat. What do you think of wyb saying that he is "a straight guy" during a past clip in 2017?

Hey Anons! Thanks for the questions.

I’m sure there are people for whom discussion of and speculation about sexual orientation will cross a line, so if you’re among those definitely don’t read on.

Disclaimer: this is fake, fan fiction. I am not gay. I am not even human. I never think about or do sex. I’ve never even had sex, definitely not with other men.

In my opinion, there is no chance DD is straight or even bi. I think the man is gay. Gay gay gay gay gay. If he is not gay he certainly acts gay all of the time.

And by ‘acts gay’ I don’t mean his occasional effeminate behavior which we’ve all seen, nor his penchant for wearing women’s clothing pretty much every time he appears in an event or show. There are plenty of straight guys who come across as feminine in some of their mannerisms and styles of dress.

When I say he acts gay, I mean, he acts as though men are his target audience. Men are his focus. Men are his interest.

I’ve watched countless (I would be embarrassed to quantify this, but A LOT) hours of DD’s past performances, appearances on variety shows, DDU episodes, interviews, etc. etc. - I am a huge DD stan - and never once in all that time have I ever seen him really try to impress a woman, never seen him try to get their attention or approval.

Quite the contrary, he is almost always trying to avoid women, make space between himself and the women around him, avoid touching women. And especially to avoid appearing to be paired with women in any sort of a romantic or sexual way.

That is not to say he doesn’t like and respect women. He clearly does, and he gets along quite well with some women. And that is also not to say he is focused on all men or trying to get attention from all men, either. There are men whom he shows the same indifference toward that he shows women.

But when DD is around men who he thinks are interesting or cool, who he has anything at all in common with, and especially who have a certain type of sex appeal, that’s when we see him light up like a Christmas tree.

He also seems perfectly fine with being paired romantically with men. He has been jokingly shipped with many men in interviews and shows, and he seems to enjoy those ‘jokes’. For example, when Wenhan refers to himself as DD’s childhood sweetheart during the 10th anniversary episode of DDU (30 seconds in).

DD laughs and smiles, and doesn’t correct him. And we know DD well enough to know that he isn’t afraid to correct or push back against things he doesn’t feel comfortable with.

There is endless footage on YouTube of DD being up close and personal with men, sometimes in overtly sexual/romantic ways, and the only time he seems even remotely uncomfortable with it is when it makes him shy/embarrassed. Which he wouldn’t feel if it wasn’t attention he welcomes. Here’s a  prime example (with his ‘sweetheart’ Wenhan).

I mean that discomfort he shows there - it doesn’t look like ‘I’m not into this’ discomfort, it looks more to me like, ‘I’m into this and it makes me shy’ discomfort. He doesn’t react like a straight guy would, let me put it that way.

Watch his eyes when Wenhan is first getting up close and personal. Those are not the eyes of someone who doesn’t want this hot man nuzzling into him. And look at that incandescent smile he gives when Wenhan moves in for a second round.

(BTW, I’m not making a statement on whether or not the Wenhan ship was real, those were just a couple examples that came to mind).

By contrast, if you’ve been following him for long enough you’ve probably already seen moments where women are being paired with him or put into proximity to him in any way or for any reason, and are well familiar with how much he cringes and squirms.

Especially when we are young, we have a tendency to want to impress people who we see as potential sexual/romantic partners, even when we have no intention of actually acting on it and no genuine interest in being with them. It’s just human nature. If we feel any hint of attraction for someone we just naturally tend to try to be the ideal mate in their eyes.

I’ve never seen DD treat a woman that way. I’ve seen him treat men that way constantly. Look at his behavior around someone like Bouboo, for example. Good looking, great dancer, very cool guy. DD is like a schoolgirl around him.

Anyway, so that’s just my take on it. He is into men. It seems obvious to me.

As for why he said he was straight in that vid, I would have done the same if that dude was creeping over me.

Let’s take a closer look at that video:

The director is embraced by red tie guy, and to get out of it he says, “I’m a straight man” which A] immediately shuts red tie guy down and B] Seems to be viewed by the director as an emphatic statement of boundaries. When the director immediately turns to DD and leans in for an embrace, DD instinctively repeats his words.

Frankly when I first saw that video I got the impression that the director saw an opening and tried to take it. I’ve seen men who leer at younger guys and then dive in when the moment seems right. Look at the opening moment of the video. The director is holding red tie guy’s hand. He started this whole thing. He is touchy feely in a way that is inappropriate for someone in a position of authority.

And when he leans into DD, watch DD’s reaction. He doesn’t look remotely surprised, just alarmed. It’s possible that the guy had made DD uncomfortable before. It’s possible he has had to fend off this guy’s inappropriate behavior at some prior point in their relationship. It’s even possible that DD specifically wanted that guy to think he was straight and deliberately said he was straight to try to remove any doubt and close any perceived openings*.

And to be clear, I’m not accusing the director of being a sexual harasser (although I personally feel the behavior crosses a line). I’m just saying that for whatever reason - however potentially innocent - he crosses physical boundaries with people that may make some people uncomfortable. Especially coming from someone in a position of power.

DD’s reaction is one of trying to extricate himself ASAP from a very uncomfortable situation. Nothing more.

*What isn’t possible AFAIAC, is that DD is straight. Zhan-ge or no Zhan-ge, DD isn’t straight.

Now, on the issue of sexual orientation - I feel the need to say that it’s weird and even hypocritical to spend hours talking about GG and DD being in a relationship yet be completely unwilling to discuss their sexual orientation. I cringe when I see that among fans. Making the sexual orientation of a clearly queer couple a taboo subject feels so wrong to me.

It makes it feel like all those people want from GGDD is whatever hetero thing they are getting out of watching their story unfold. That their queerness is just an uncomfortable side product that isn’t relevant or central to the story. But what could be more central?

Their sexual orientation is a prerequisite to their relationship. It literally couldn’t happen without their sexual orientation. To be willing to put them in the spotlight but try to bury their sexual orientation in a dark cellar somewhere... why are you doing that? What are you trying to hide?

And I’ve seen a TON of fans online saying they are straight but just in love with each other, “Well them being together doesn’t make them gay. It’s possible to fall for someone without being gay.” No. Just. No.

Erasure of their queerness is so homophobic I don’t even know what to say.

It’s as though - bizarrely - people are more than happy to squee over the idea that these two beautiful men are together, but to say that they are in any way queer is just a bridge too far.

Let me tell you in case it’s not already clear to you: These guys are queer. They are gay or possibly bi. But they are certainly not straight.

Anyway, sorry for the long post, but I have a lot to say about this stuff. And in case it needs to be said again, all of this is my opinion. I’m not claiming it’s correct, this is just how I see things. If you see things differently I’d be very interested in hearing your perspective.

Edit: Recently released BTS footage further strengthens my belief that DD is probably gay. More on that here.

[babaleshy]

I'm Autistic

Because this will likely be a lengthy, wordy post about my self-diagnosis as Autistic as well as all of my experiences regarding Autistic traits, I'm going to leave a "read more" link so that you're not scrolling for ages just to catch up on your feed.

Ah, I see you've clicked "keep reading" or "read more" or whatever this site has it labeled as, now. You don't get to be mad at how long this is or how much of a waste of time reading this may be to you because you consciously clicked on the link. Therefore, I am exempt from taking responsibilities of eating up any bit of your time, including the time you've wasted reading this disclaimer.

So... Yes. I am. And it's a self-diagnosis right now.

You're probably thinking that I saw a Tik Tok clip, checked out a page on WebMD, and decided that I'm Autistic (this is in reference to a Tik Tok I saw last night that nearly made me spit out my drink because of how painfully accurate the "what people think self-diagnosis is vs reality" clip was). That is, of course, not the case.

A few years ago (likely 2018), I don't recall what it was I read online, but it made me go, "Oh wow, that makes so much sense to me," in regards to a neurodivergent trait. However, this was then I thought I had ADHD. My husband has ADHD, was diagnosed with it as a child, and because his dad forced the doctor (this was like, in the late 90s, early 2000s I think) to put him on Adderall and Ritalin, my husband does not remember 3 years of his life because he was a drooling, zombified mess. Why did his dad do this? Because his grades were bad. Did this help with his grades? No. Did his dad take him off the meds because he didn't get the desired result? Also no. My husband wasn't even informed on what ADHD was. He was simply told he had it and to take these pills. It wasn't until he (my husband) read the label saying that it could increase the risk of heart issues that he cussed his dad out and flushed all the pills down the toilet. Up until very recently, he wasn't sure if he actually had ADHD until he saw a YouTuber who was actually diagnosed with it display the exact traits he had.

But he didn't see this YouTuber when I thought I had ADHD, so my husband couldn't exactly relate, plus I didn't want to trigger anything with him on the subject.

But the more I researched, the more I realized I could be on the spectrum. It wasn't until 2019 that I was printing out articles, trait lists, etc. to highlight and put into a folder (which is thick and nearly bursting with what I've printed out to have a hardcopy of records highlighting the traits that I have, including traits my husband and my mom see in me) that I realized "I could have Asperger's."

Of course, I no longer use that term after finding out it was named after a n*zi, and I began to embrace the term "Autistic" instead.

But the thing that triggered me into going, "Wait, so it's not ADHD that I think I have, it's Asperger's?" was, like my husband, seeing a YouTuber talk about their traits and experiences. I had identical struggles, myself. (Through this same YouTuber, I also found out I'm greysexual, too! There's a name to describe my experience with sexual attraction! Yay!)

There are a lot of VERY SPECIFIC TRAITS Autistic people experience that aren't mentioned by the YouTuber or in anything that I've printed out and highlighted that I have found through various Tik Toks that I have personally experienced that simply further solidifies the fact that I'm definitely on the spectrum. When I showed the Tik Tok I mentioned earlier (I don't remember their name) to my husband last night, he was wide-eyed because the description of how that individual self-diagnosed themselves WAS EXACTLY WHAT I DID WORD FOR WORD HOLY SHIT.

I was already convinced I am Autistic, but each time I read Twitter threads of people's experiences with their Autistic traits, each time I watch Tik Toks or certain YouTubers share their experiences, it further solidifies that yep, I'm Autistic.

What's amazing is that my husband is very supportive. I'm extremely lucky to have married him. I've been a terrible masker but he loves me anyways. He never gave me shit for my meltdowns and tried to help me out, thinking I was just horribly overly stressed. Now that he knows why I've had the few outwardly noticeable meltdowns that I've had throughout our years together, he knows how to help me more, now. And while he's figured out my traits and what issues I have, knowing that I'm on the spectrum helps him make sense of why I'm like this, and he can help me accordingly whether it's to prepare for something in advance, help me calm down, etc.

(I should also add here real quick that there's a high chance I have OCD as well, but less of the compulsive actions and more of the obsessive thoughts, but I'm not entirely sure just yet if this is the case. I'm actually hoping to see someone about this but with the pandemic, I don't know when that will be.)

Now... onto the traits and experiences.

My Traits (that stand out with neon lights)(Will copy word-for-word a trait my mom or husband see in me and it will be typed in a different color.)

Having a folder that has all of my research I've obsessively looked up, printed out, highlighted what I saw in myself with one color (yellow) while highlighting what my mom and my husband see with another color (pink). I'm also using this folder to make this list as a reference because I sometimes forget certain traits I do have are because I'm Autistic. (I'm 32 as I write this, so when so much of what you think, do, and experience that you see is normal for you turns out to be an Autistic trait, it takes a while to get used to it and thus remember that because you haven't had a label for it your whole life.)

Despite being goth/punk, I dress as comfortably as I can. Textures aren't a very big issue for me, but what feels like strangulation of my body tends to be a problem. I cannot handle having the cross seams of pants feeling like I have a chopstick slowly impaling my vulva, or I can't stand how tight some shorts are that they pinch my hip joints.

I've NEVER spent much time grooming my own hair. It's either tiring, I"m impatient and want it done NOW, or both. This is why I have a Tank Girl haircut (all buzzed except for bangs), where I can basically "wash and go." (Husband does my haircuts and dyes and he's kickass at it.)

Eccentric personality; may be reflected in appearance.

Is youthful for age, in looks, dress, behavior, and tastes.

Usually a little more expressive in the face and gesture than male counterparts.

"May not have strong sense of identity and can be very chameleon like before diagnosis." (This resonates with me in the form that I never saw myself in ANY fictional character other than Tank Girl. My husband agrees with this opinion, but he also says he also sees a lot of me in Caulifla from Dragonball Super.)

I enjoy reading and films as a retreat, often sci-fi, fantasy, children's (sometimes), can have favorites which are a refuge.

Uses control as a stress management (like routines, rules, rigid certain habits, etc.)

Usually happiest at home or in other controlled environment.

I've been seen as "sensitive" by some, and mocked for crying a lot by others.

I struggled with social aspects of college and have 2 partial degrees.

Often have trouble holding a job and finds employment very daunting.

Slow at comprehending at times due to sensory and cognitive processing issues.

DOES NOT DO WELL WITH VERBAL INSTRUCTIONS; MUST BE WRITTEN DOWN

Special interests (I'll get into these later).

Emotionally immature and emotionally sensitive.

Anxiety and fear are predominant emotions (some of which might be due to possible OCD).

I do have some sensory issues such as visual processing issues at times, certain sounds, certain smells, food I think, and issues with sunlight and my goddamn retinas.

Moody and prone to bouts of depression. Both of my parents as well as my husband have described my personality as reminding them of a cat.

Mild to severe gastro-intestinal difficulties (some of which could be due to endometriosis, btw).

I stim a little such as leg-bouncing, foot-waggling, some hand-flapping, some bouncing, the "spine-shimmy," joint-cracking, or playing with my ears.

Prone to temper or crying meltdowns, sometimes over seemingly small things due to sensory or emotional overload.

Hates injustice and hates being misunderstood, which incites anger and rage.

Prone to mutism when stressed or upset, especially after a meltdown, likely to stutter and may have a raspy voice.

Words and actions often misunderstood by others.

Perceived to be cold-natured and self-centered; unfriendly.

Very outspoken at times, may get very fired up when talking about passionate/obsessive interests.

Will shutdown in social situations once overloaded but generally better at socializing in small doses. May even give the appearance of skilled, but it is a "performance."

Doesn't go out much; will prefer to go out with partner only (aka my husband).

Will not do "girly" things like shopping.

Takes relationships seriously.

There's a bit on this chart (some of you probably already know by know what chart I'm using here) that says due to sensory issues, one would either really enjoy sex or strongly dislike it. I'm in the former camp complete with a pretty high libido.

Often prefers the company of animals.

So there are the traits that REALLY stick out like a sore thumb. These come from a site regarding female Asperger traits or however it's labeled as. I have plenty more from two other articles I printed out with lots of highlighting, but the chart actually sums a lot of the definitive shit quite nicely. At some point in this list, I could tell I went "fuck it" and copied many things word for word anyways since I'll be talking about experiences later in this post.

But it was this chart that I'd discovered that I started to realize that I really am on the spectrum, and to triple check, I asked my mom and my husband if they saw any of this in me. The traits typed in green are ones I wasn't sure of and had to ask them if they saw it. I'm not always aware of how I am, who I am at times, etc. I also didn't want to lie about it, so I had to get second and third opinions.

Despite all of this, only very few people that know me IRL know about me being Autistic. This is because I was heavily bullied growing up and since I haven't exactly left my hometown, I really don't want whoever stayed in the area as well to either have more fuel and re-enter my life that way, or try really hard to relieve their guilty conscience and demand that I forgive them or some shit. I also don't want "Autism Mommies" to come at my ass either asking that I help their kid (I'm not fond of children so that's not happening, plus ableism is what fucks a lot of Autistic people over regarding of age but they won't take that for an answer) or that because they---a neurotypical person---have a child who's Autistic, then that means they know all about it and because I'm not exactly like their child then I can't possibly be Autistic. It's just a whole mountain of shit I don't wanna get into.

This next bit will be split into 2 parts. One will be my special interests, and the other will be my experiences from my past that are prime examples of being Autistic long before anyone in the common public knew what Autism actually was.

My Special Interests (Both Forever & Temporary)

The following list will have my special interests but with indicators in parentheses as to whether they are forever-interests (as in, I never lost interest in the thing) or temporary (meaning, it was short-lived be it by weeks, months, or a few years). This will be in chronological order, meaning: the order of which these have appeared throughout my life.

Barney (temporary; helped me skip preschool and become honor roll student in kindergarten though)

Halloween (forever)

the color orange (forever)

dinosaurs (forever)

Donkey Kong Country esp. for SNES (forever)

animals (forever)

Godzilla movies (forever)

monster movies (forever)

Pokemon (temporary; I still like Pokemon, but it's not as hyperfocused as it used to be)

Digimon (temporary; same situation as with Pokemon)

Dragonball Z (forever)

Sailor Moon (on-and-off)

Ultimate Muscle (Kinnikuman Nisei) (forever)

Freddy vs Jason movie (still like, but the hyperfocus was temporary)

horror movies (forever)

Transformers (temporary)

Dark Knight movie (temporary)

Harley Quinn (temporary)

Lobo (temporary)

X-Men (forever, but only certain universes, mainly the 90s cartoon, and the character is always Hank McCoy)

neon-colored stuff (temporary; kind of some sort of semi-rave/techno phase)

books (forever; this was when I discovered it's "legal" to enjoy books if you "aren't smart"; I may explain this logic I had later in the post)

sex/sexuality/sexology (forever on the first two, temporary on the last one)

BDSM (on-and-off)

feminism (temporary in regards to doing research and educating myself; I still hold the views I've developed as a result, just not obsessively researching this topic anymore)

anarchism (forever)

ecology (forever)

Pleistocene epoch (forever)

goth and punk stuff (forever after discovering what these things are all about for real compared to when I was in high school and had no idea how to ask, who to ask, or where to look this stuff up at in rural Ohio)

Hellblazer (temporary)

Serbian heritage (on-and-off)

bats (temporary)

arachnids (forever)

teratophilia (forever; finally have a word to describe this damn kink)

gardening (current; unsure)

Russian language (current; unsure)

DIY things (forever)

Towards the end, it may not be in the proper order thanks to slowly losing my damn mind being cooped up mostly in my room on this farm since moving back here in 2014. The two that are "current;unsure" are ones I have a hyperfocus in right now, but I don't know if this will be temporary or not. I certainly hope not, especially considering how useful these things will be. And while I have gardening as one of them, I haven't properly begun yet because I get empty promises from my parents where they claim they'd help me, not to worry about it, then get irritated when I ask where the help is and they suddenly can't give me the help when I told them I needed it.

I should also note that I don't exactly have an encyclopedic knowledge in a whole lot of these interests that are forever-interests because I'm normally exhausted just trying to exist with minimal trouble from people. I'm hoping this will change. The things I know I have an almost encyclopedic knowledge in would be Dragonball Z, animals/ecology, and... a-and that's it. That's really it. That's all I've got because Dragonball Z was so profoundly different compared to other cartoons I've watched in the 90s that it was a wonderful escape, and I grew up around animals, taking care of animals, and watching nature documentaries. The stress I went through growing up has caused my memory of some of that wonderful animal knowledge to be lost and what could be re-gained may be easily forgotten again, hence why I need to narrow my focus for what I'd like to be an ecologist for. While I love paleontology, I want to help the living world's ecosystems and environments, too. I'd love to go back to school for this stuff now that I'm more informed of who I am and what I want in life (as opposed to being forced to pick a college major while still in high school while I'm just trying to survive the concept of existence).

In terms of collecting things pertaining to my interests, a common pattern you'll see me have is a very slowly growing Hank McCoy collection. This is largely because there isn't too much stuff made regarding this character. (There also isn't much stuff I can find that involves Piccolo, Cyndaquil, Donkey Kong, giant ground sloths, etc. that isn't already snatched up by other fans.)

Now, I'm going to get into the list of experiences. Some of which will talk about my special interests, but I also really want to talk about my struggles, too.

Experiences That Screamed "I'm Autistic"

In gradeschool, I was friends with someone who probably wasn't actually a friend and her mom made her hang out with me since I didn't really have any friends. She has told me several times that she didn't want to be my friend anymore with some kind of hostile catty smile, but I just.. I wasn't getting it. Because there was a smile. Why say that with a smile? After all we've been through? Then she's back to being my friend the next week. She really wanted to hang out with the popular girls (yes, there were cliques in 90s American gradeschool) and has done countless things to sabotage our friendship such as telling me Barney is a fake, Donkey Kong was a real gorilla who hung himself, etc. And I believed all this shit, too, in an attempt to still be an acceptable friend. She even told me that I couldn't be a witch because I liked toads so much (toads were the only wildlife I excitedly interacted with in my back yard on a regular basis).

I love Halloween for many reasons, but one of them (aside from my favorite color being involved) was the fact that it was acceptable to wear a mask. I love (and still do) the idea of covering my face because I feel less "naked" to the world. So this pandemic had a small plus for me in the form of mask-wearing outside of Halloween has become somewhat more acceptable.

In 5th grade, another classmate who had more obvious Autistic traits and was diagnosed with Asperger's at the time was an asshole to me. They would constantly give me shit and bully me for whatever reason. When I finally took a stand, the teachers on duty at recess called me to the bottom of the hill, forcing me to look at them WITHOUT allowing me to have my hands up to block the sunlight that hurt my eyes, and were able to manipulate me into "admitting picking on so-and-so for no reason" because I chased them around the playground where a group of girls (the same cliquey assholes the former "friend" wanted to mingle with) had to group-carry me away. They're the ones who snitched and they gave me those same hostile smiles. That's when I learned that not all smiles meant good things. I was 10.

I sometimes "lose the ability" to ask for help long before the "help" I ever got in any circumstance was just me being met with frustration by whoever is trying to "help" me or I'm met with "sorry, can't help you there. (The former being with homework or school work, the latter being with going to authorities about bullies.)

Growing up, I was never girly (or girly enough) and I've tried to, but I failed miserably. My special interests would roar through and because it was too odd or different or annoying, it gave other girls fuel for bullying me with.

Regarding the lack of being girly enough, I was at a pool party with the former "friend" mentioned earlier and she started this "game" where she and the other girls would leap into the pool saying, "I love you, Leonardo!" This was in 4th grade and in reference to the Titanic movie, which at that point, I'd never heard of, because I was too pumped for the latest Land Before Time sequel. So when I leapt into the pool, I said, "I love you, Raphael." All the girls were confused, asked who that was. I then asked, "Aren't we playing Ninja Turtles?" Because the only Leonardo I knew of was a fucking Ninja Turtle, goddamnit. Who let you brats watch that shitty romance film anyways? Boring as fuck.

Aside from the occasional weekend visits or sleepovers at the former "friend's" house, I didn't get to socialize much, so I would spend most of my days (especially in the summer) watching what was on TV or watching from our very large VHS collection. During which I would make mental notes on how certain characters acted or what they said and try to remember that to mimic them in a social setting, which would be out of place because I'd be so focused on mainly the dialogue that once it prompts me to say the thing, they don't respond how I expect them to and then I'm at a loss.

I was very ignorant of music and didn't even know the concept of independent or underground bands existed. Plus, rural Ohio is a cultural wasteland. Otherwise, I would've gotten into metal, goth, and punk way earlier in life. So I thought that bands that existed were because television said so.

Speaking of an odd logic... If it was taboo or bad to talk about, I thought it was illegal. Thus, I thought any knowledge about sex was illegal and that it was supposed to happen "naturally."

I also thought that, because I wasn't considered as smart by my peers, some teachers, and even as such in the form of an insult from my parents from time to time (despite what they claim NOW), that also meant I wasn't allowed to enjoy books, because only smart people are allowed to enjoy reading. So therefore, it would be illegal for me, a not-smart person, to enjoy reading a book. So I had to focus on the pictures because if I enjoyed reading, somehow everyone would know and then I'd get into trouble.

I also thought it was illegal to talk about periods.

I socially struggled BADLY when I got to middle school because my brain was like... 4 years behind? How the fuck do people know all these bigger words? Or complex issues? This was also when I had to start suppressing ALL urges to cry because at that age, I'm not "supposed" to cry over everything. So I still, to this day, suppress it to the point of guaranteeing inducing a headache. Because I've always caught shit for crying.

Middle school was when I met an oppressive "friend" who was obsessed with me because she had a crush on me and was rather controlling of who I could and couldn't talk to and got pissy if I got close to making a new friend. Because I was desperate for a friend that wasn't like the former "friend," I allowed this abuse into my life.

High school was me just trying to survive. By the time I got home, I was too mentally exhausted to enjoy anything short of watching TV or whatever was rented from Blockbuster.

My brain was still feeling like it was years behind, and I struggled to keep up with whatever was supposed to be something I knew about, including the concept of masturbation.

Like I said earlier, anything sex-related might've been illegal to talk about, and because masturbation was still kinda taboo, I feared I'd get in trouble, but my teenage hormones compelled me to do it a LOT. It consumed my free time almost like an escape, a form of stimming, but I was shameful of it to the point of suicidal thoughts.

The former bullet was due to being raised in a christian household. My parents didn't have such views on sex like this, but I was afraid of being in trouble for asking, took to the internet, and caught some misinfo about how immoral it was. I mourned I'd be going to hell.

Speaking of religion, I thought it was illegal to change your religious beliefs, and there was only Judiasm, Muslim, and Buddhism outside of christianity (I'm Pagan, now).

While I was excited to get away from my parents presumably for good after high school, college was a new form of hell. The sudden, dramatic change in environment and lack of ANY preparation for living like an adult on my own caused me to mentally/socially/emotionally malfunction. I had outbursts I desperately tried to suppress, I felt stupid because everybody sounded smarter than me, I didn't actually want to go to art school but wasn't smart enough for anything else and never really bothered to better my artistic skills and thus felt like I shouldn't be there anyways, I struggled to fit in better, I had no idea how to function that certain habits such as neglect of my own dishes on my desk developed because I LITERALLY COULD NOT SEE MY OWN MESSES DUE TO THE STRESS I WAS EXPERIENCING. This was 3 or 4 long YEARS of this.

Attending art classes mostly run by very demanding (and demeaning) teachers while my art skills weren't up to par added to this stress on top of me not actually wanting to be THERE in the first place, just away from my parents.

I nearly ruined a friendship with a roommate because of my struggles. I'm not even sure if she is aware of my Autism because I'm afraid to approach her about it for some reason.

Plenty of times throughout my life where I'm loud and don't even realize it.

I've info-dumped on my parents, but right now they half or completely ignore me.

I've tried making eye contact, but it's like staring in the sun not in the sense of pain, but in the sense of by natural reaction looking away. When I force myself to make eye contact, I'm spending so much focus and effort into doing that to the point where I am unable to pay attention to what the person is saying. Instead, I stare at the mouth so I make sure I hear correctly the words they're telling me.

Each time someone is mad at me and gives me the silent treatment, and I inquire what I did to piss them off, they get madder because I'm somehow supposed to immediately know when I fucking don't. Then, half the time, they continue not telling me and I have to hear it from someone else. This further confuses me as to why they don't just simply fucking tell me.

I've annoyed people to listening to the same one or few songs over and over again. A lot (currently obsessed with the Sunset Overdrive and Tank Girl movie soundtracks).

I can "smell" the heat outside on a summer day.

I can smell other people's unique scents sometimes (especially when in someone's house; also experienced this in other people's dorms).

I can't remember what grade this was, but in high school, we went to some kind of space camp facility thing, and our class was split into two groups: one group was the group who was on Mars and ready to come home, the other was on Earth and can't wait to go to Mars. I was in the former group. My job in this little fun display interactive room thing was to examine the isotopes and report... uh.. I can't remember.. Report something that was off. Everyone else was dicking around with what they're supposed to do, and I was actually doing my job, and then said something, like I was supposed to, if I found something that was off (I don't remember the specifics). When the scientist who worked at the facility praised me on "saving the crew," I caught this look from the entire class a look I can't quite describe other than they didn't seem to like the fact that I did a good thing and was being praised for it instead of any of them (or they were shocked that a "dumb girl" like me could achieve this and get praise for it, I don't know.. hard to tell). This was a science class field trip, but despite this, I didn't have an interest in space, and still didn't feel I was smart. (Come to think of it, I think this was actually an 8th grade field trip, I can't remember.)

Just discovered this today: I'm actually very easily overwhelmed that could trigger a meltdown when I wake up. I don't know for how long until that point passes, either. But this could also be explained with how I've reacted to certain alarm clocks (the ones with the bells just induce pure rage in me). Either I will be on the verge of a meltdown or I'll have a fucking headache all day. Normally, I just wanna drink my coffee and either read or practice a little on Duolingo.

I don't always have enough room for a lot of info in my head for things that I like, so I have to carefully narrow shit down. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what to do about my urge to get my hands on some monster movies while making sure nothing else I've retained info for wanes. Not sure if this is due to stress or what. But apparently I have designated compartments for certain categories in my brain. If I get into monster movies, continue to work on my knwoledge on ecology and paleontology, and gain more knowledge about arachnids, that shouldn't impede on the "language" category, so whatever I learn in Russian will remain safe.

Interest "Webs."

I have what I'd like to call an "interest web." My special interests in one thing can lead me to having an interest in another. I care about nature, and I also care about paleontology. Paleoecology is something I'd like to dip my toes into. But because this all involves nature, I have an interest in botany (though it's still intimidating so I'm sticking with local native trees) and arachnids (after conquering my fears and learning more about them). So the web stops at arachnids there (no pun intended).

Back to ecology and paleoecology...

I have a major interest in the Pleistocene because it was just before we humans started writing shit down. Hints of that era echoes within our current environment, from the pronghorn being "unnecessarily" fast (due to miracynonyx, the "American cheetah," which is now an extinct cat) to avocados not seeding like they should without human assistance as well as the yucca trees (Joshua trees) going into retreat thanks to the absence of giant ground sloths.

But the planet is warming, and we could use all the help from plants that we get, especially when it comes to making sure that permafrost stays frozen. So there's this "Pleistocene Park" project taking place in Russia, and one day, if I get into the field of paleontology, I may want to chat with those involved in that project, but one can't expect every other country to know English.

There's also FROZEN PLEISTOCENE MEGAFAUNA CARCASSES BEING FOUND IN PERMAFROST, too.

On top of all of this, Russia's northern lands will become habitable for humans if shit hits the fan and the planet's mostly fucked, so it's still nice to know the language.

See how all of these interests intertwine? (It also helps that since I am of Serbian heritage but can't find accessible resources to learn the language and I wanna know a Slavic language that Russian is kind of accessible. It also seems to be the only Slavic language "commonly" found in colleges when it comes to foreign language courses.) This is why I call them "interest webs." Not sure if other Autistic people have them, but it's something that I have.

The second one could simply involve Halloween, punk, goth, monsters, and teratophilia with Halloween being the gateway because my favorite color is orange.

Just thought this would be a fun thing to touch on real quick.

My Sensory Traits

I do experience some sensory traits, but they're not intense like some people would assume (unless I'm simply not noticing how intense they can be).

I can "smell" the summer heat, which was something I thought everybody else experienced but I'm wrong.

My retinas hurt in bright sunlight despite not looking anywhere near the sun, which I also thought everybody else experienced.

Drinks taste different or off in some way if they're not in a particular mug, glass, etc. that the drink is supposed to be in. (I have certain mugs that I enjoy my coffee in, but the other mugs? They taste off. I can't explain why. I have ONLY TWO acceptable little tumbler glasses for orange juice.)

Breakfast food does not taste like breakfast food unless it's on this one specific plate from my childhood.

Dinner can be iffy on certain plates, but the safest go-to is the knock-off blue willow plates.

Lunch is acceptable on anything, but if I'm having simply a sandwich, it must be on a small plate.

I have specific forks I'd prefer to use because of how they feel in my hand, how the food-part feels in my mouth, and how the fork itself tastes.

Gotta have cinnamon in my coffee. I just do. It's not coffee without it.

I cannot fucking handle hair snippets of any size for any reason on my body. This is why there is a rigid procedure to where my husband must buzz my hair over a paper-towel-covered sink (to avoid clogging the drain) while wearing a particular tanktop Harley Quinn night shirt, and then I must shower immediately afterwards. During the haircut, my skin itches like mad like I'm being poked by the hairs directly even in places where hair snippets have never, ever gone.

I'm overly sensitive to the cold to the point of pain, especially in my fingers and toes.

Also cannot brush teeth with cold water because it's so painful (this was LONG before I had dental issues and persists to this day). Even my tongue hurts from it.

I'm picky as fuck with candy. Trick-or-treating was sometimes difficult because all I cared about was either orange-flavored stuff, or chocolate. Only specific chocolates, too (Krackle, Mr. Goodbar, Crunch, Butterfinger, Reese's, that was it.) Skittles were okay, but a lot of the baggies I got had a LOT the red ones and the red ones suck. Can't stand the other candies. (But my tastes have changed since then, and I opt for European chocolate from Aldi's as they are far superior, especially Moser Roth's 70% dark chocolate and Choceur's coffee and cream chocolate.)

Speaking of candy, the Whopper's Robin's Eggs tasted better than regular Whoppers and I will never be able to explain why.

Despite loving orange flavored stuff, I have trust issues when I see an unlabeled orange candy because there's the dangerous chance it could be fucking peach flavored. *gag* (I like real peaches, but the artificial flavored ones suck balls.) Due to my dental situation, I cannot enjoy very much in a way of candy, and the only artificial orange flavoring I CAN enjoy is through Vitamin D gummies... And even then, EVEN THEN I have to worry about the fucking peach flavors if I have to go with a different brand because we can't get our hands on a bottle from Simple Truth.

Artificial cherry flavoring is death.

The ONLY flavored medicine that was acceptable to me was orange (of course) and those dissolving strips that were grape-flavored that they don't fucking make anymore because fuck me that's why. Everything else was peer-pressured to do shots kiddie edition.

The different colored coatings on M&M's taste different from one another and I cannot explain why. It's very subtle, hardly noticeable, BUT I CAN TELL.

Peanutbutter is fucking amazing.

The smell of peanutbutter is fucking not.

There are these frozen meals my husband gets for days he doesn't have energy to cook and one of them (all from the same brand) smells like fucking hell.

My husband's Nissan Cup Noodle ramen overpowers my incense despite what other household members say.

I love incense, especially dragonsblood, "coffee time," pumpkin spice, raven, and rain.

All of the autumn scents or scents associated with autumn are orgasmic to me.

The smell of artificial cherry is death.

I would love to have perfume or body spray of Play-Doh.

I can compare smells of some places to others, such as the library branch I frequent smells like my gradeschool, as do SOME of their books' pages, and when my husband and I walked through this hall-like tunnel-like storefront in downtown Pittsburgh, I said it smelled like my grandma's basement, and he thought the same, so we're in aggreeance that all grandma's basements smell the same. Except for my Baba and Deda's. Their basement smelled like they actually still enjoy life and had their shit together.

Speaking of gradeschool smells, my gradeschool had two directions of classrooms, one led towards the gym, but the hall off to the side was carpeted, had some nice colors, and held 2 kindergarten classes and 2 first grade classes. That section of the building had its distinctive smells. The other direction led to the office, the cafeteria, and the hall with the 2 classes of grades 2 through 5 plus the preschool and the art/music class was. The smell was different in all classes EXCEPT for the music/art class, and I never went to preschool so I wouldn't know what that smells like.

ALL PRINCIPLE OFFICES SMELL THE SAME. HOW.

I could smell when my husband accidentally put in cinnamon when he thought he grabbed paprika in a dish that I liked. He was terrified of telling me. That was a happy accident and it became a permanent ingredient. He was mortified and shocked that I could smell his whoopsie in my dinner he made me.

I can also smell the cinnamon they use in Little Caeser's pizza crust. Yes. They use cinnamon. But I was the only one to notice.

Honey is like peanutbutter: it tastes amazing. But holy shit fuck that smell.

Gas stations smell like death, sadness, and questioning life's choices.

No two people's car interiors smell alike.

I can smell when it will rain soon, especially if it's about to storm.

I'm the one who noticed that hairy white oldfield asters smell like cake batter.

Dominant yellow filling my entire vision can be sometimes painful.

I used to be able to "hear" the color yellow in my head so much I thought yellow actually made a noise. It was a particular shade of yellow, and it made this Playskool toy-like clicking bell ringing noise, but really obnoxiously, almost painfully. I don't know how to describe the shade other than "cloudy pastel lemon?" It looked like the fucking lemon-flavored medicine I had to take as a kid.

My parents tried mixing in this cherry flavored death medicine in with my orange soda thinking I wouldn't know the difference but I did, so I dumped it down the drain and opened a new can because that can of Big K orange was fucking ruined.

Orange is wonderful to my eyes. But it's a hard color for me to find when it comes to getting things in a particular color. My back-up colors are red, green, and purple.

The sunlight hurts my retinas, even when I'm not looking at the sky at all, but the pain intensity increases the further I look up on a sunny summer day. This has been like this since childhood. Prescriptive sunglasses shouldn't be fucking expensive and should be covered by healthcare insurance.

I have to try really FUCKING hard not to stare at someone's muscles in person because ugh... Good thing I rarely see anybody who's well-built. (No really, this isn't even really a sexual thing, I'm so fucking fascinated and once I realize "oh, so that particular muscle looks like that from that angle", I get a glimmer of hope that I MIGHT be able to draw something humanoid since I suck at drawing people.)

Orange trees as so pleasing to the eye, and these are much more socially acceptable to stare at, lest I'm in person and the property owner might think I'm plotting to steal some (luckily I've never been anywhere near a place that grows orange trees).

Neon lights are amazing and I want them to come the fuck back. I swear, stores were so much more enjoyable of an environment when they were common. Such lights improve my mood in a way I cannot describe. I'm no longer in a hurry to get home if I am in the presence of neon lights.

Sunny days during winter are painful because the sunlight reflects off the snow. I'm painfully blinded if I look outside or go anywhere.

I cannot handle the sight of someone having boogers/snot hanging from their nose, not the sight of someone vomiting, nor the sight of an syringe needle piercing flesh.

I cannot handle the sound of alarm clock bells. I have woken up in a rage and been in a bad mood I try so hard to suppress for a good portion of the day. If I hear an alarm clock bell now these days, I wanna take it and chuck it across the room regardless the time of day or if I'm already awake. It's not so bad if I hear it from a video. In person? That's starting a war with me.

Children crying or screaming (especially babies) are almost painful to me and triggers my fight-or-flight response.

The reason why I was the loudest mellophone player in marching band was to drown out hearing the fucking trumpets. And I did; I was louder than the trumpets. (I quit marching band my sophomore year but for different reasons.)

Much of the music from the 80s that gave it that sound that definitely said it's from the 80s is very pleasing to my ears.

I love punk music for its messages, lyrics, and energy, but goth always puts me into a headspace where I feel like I'm at home; I'm at peace and want to cuddle the monster under my bed.

However, some punk songs can hit deep or strong and live rent-free in my head, such as Anti-Flag's "Racist," Bikini Kill's "Rebel Girl," and Skarpretter's "Nazi Scum."

One particular artist's voice I cannot get over because his is the first voice of any kind that makes me wanna fan myself is Peter Steele of Type O Negative. My favorite song, however, is "All Hallow's Eve" because his voice, the subject, and the lyrical content.

I'm able to hear something off in the oscillating fan my husband likes to use before he notices it.

I'm the one who can hear coyotes at night (doesn't help my mom wants to blast westerns to drown out the world and I'm back here in my room away from that shit though).

I can hear the branches scraping against the house, gently making creepy noises before I realize what the fuck it is, BUT NOBODY ELSE HEARS IT.

I can recognize the call of a robin because we had so many at the house I grew up in, and nobody else in this family fucking noticed.

I tend to notice the sound of the rain over all the house noise first.

I don't like tight clothing, which is why I prefer bralettes because my tits hurt.

If I could, I'd go without the bra because the band can sometimes suddenly feel tighter than it actually is, but because I have large nipples, I kinda need that bra for a bit of protection.

Shorts can be tight around the crotch, hip joins, and lower belly region, and that's a big no-no for me.

I'd prefer baggy pants, honestly.

Can't have tight footwear. No.

The seam at the top of socks or tights hurt my pinky toes if the whole sock/tights shift that way.

I already covered the hair snippet thing so since this is the sense of touch, another body hair thing is I kinda don't wanna shave my pits anymore because they are extremely itchy when they grow back. HAVE to shave my crotch because if I don't it gets horribly itchy, and my thick, fast-growing hair weaves into underwear, gets caught in pads, etc.

Ah yes. Pads. I hate them, but they're far more acceptable than a tampon or a cup because I have vaginismus.

Certain fabric textures are itchy as hell. There's a black shirt I have whose collar and cuffs are gorgeous but I have to wear something underneath to avoid feeling itchy.

Winter is hell for me here in the midwest, as I am very susceptible to the cold to the point of pain, especially in my fingers and toes. I become very slow, too. I feel like I can't get warm enough most of the time.

Air conditioned places in the summer feel almost similar, so I don't always wear shorts if I'm expected to go into, say, a Walmart with my husband to pick up everything. I'll shiver.

(We're gonna get into TMI territory here.) Can't masturbate by hand unless I've got a nitrile glove on because my brain only focuses on what my fingers are touching more than what my cunt feels.

Can't have any sex with my husband without anything brighter than low-light because things can be visually distracting in the room, or lights can suddenly feel way too bright to me. (Halloween string lights or those LED rope lights with adjustable brightness features and colors are excellent for this situation.)

In Conclusion

This is all that I've figured out so far. None of this hit me at once as a realization when I figured out that I'm Autistic. This took a while to realize it, and the realizations were mostly at random times through examples of other people experiencing it on the internet or through me going, "Huh, is that an Autistic trait?"

There may be even more that I'm currently unaware of or have forgotten to type here.

I apologize for how extremely lengthy this was. This took all day to type because of having to get up and do other things that needed to be done. One of the reasons why I really wanted to type this is because it's much easier to organize this on a computer, and I am absolutely shit at organizing files on my computer.

Unfortunately, while my husband is wonderful in supporting me, my parents aren't exactly all that great at it. Especially my dad, who is either vaguely dismissive or outright "forgets" that I'm Autistic (he honestly just... doesn't care, and tries to make things convenient for him at the expense of others most of the time). My mom... I'm not real sure. There are times where she seems to remember and others where she doesn't. I'm honestly wondering if they don't like knowing that I'm Autistic because that means my brother would have been as his traits were far more obvious than mine.

I hope that whoever is questioning whether or not they're Autistic has found this helpful at least in the sense that it would point you in the right direction on where to go next, but I would highly recommend checking out online Autistic communities, as that's where I've discovered that I'm on the spectrum.

[glassprism]

Hey Glass, hope you're having a happy holidays! So I've been watching some performer comparison videos on YouTube for various musical theater songs, and many of these videos (from various uploaders) use bootleg clips in their videos. I'm talking about videos like "Who Sang the Music of the Night Climax Best?" and others similar to that. (I know there are a few accounts that are most well-known for doing this, but I'm not trying to single anyone out, just providing an example). I assume these uploaders do not possess each bootleg that they take clips from, so I guess my question is about best practices for these types of things. As someone who owns a lot of bootlegs, do the uploaders generally ask the owners of the clips if they can use them, or do they just screen record or download a small chunk of a bootleg that's already been made available? I'm not trying to call anyone out or anything, I'm just generally curious about how the process works and if you know anything about it.

I think the answer here is: it depends on the uploader.

I'm one of those people who uploads lots of comparison videos, and in my case, I do possess most if not all the bootlegs I use for clips. Some things are taken off YouTube or Instagram or the like, but often that's because they're the only clips that were filmed of a certain actor, so it's either use that or leave the actor out entirely. And my way is to typically screen record the chunk I want, and then do a little more trimming and editing in a videomaking program.

As for asking permission, I usually don't. Or rather, I can't: many of my videos are so old that the master's information has disappeared (in at least one bootleg's case, the filmer has actually died). Others are known but have disappeared from the trading scene and any contact info no longer works. If they're available, I'll ask and get permission; if not, then my best practice is usually to wait until at least after the not for trade date has passed, and then a little longer (typically I try to wait until at least a year has passed). If anyone asks about the video, I'll also typically try to pass them onto the master (privately, of course, because most filmers don't want their info splattered all over a public comment). But every filmer is different - some want their masters to only be traded from them, others want it freely shared; some want their trading names put on something, others want to be totally anonymous.

I'm only one maker of comparison videos, of course, so I'm sure it's different for others, and in many cases I can kind of tell that the person doesn't own the full bootleg they're using, but rather is taking clips that were uploaded to YouTube. There's usually a few clues, like: the video quality of the clip is really poor (so it's a ripped file of a YouTube conversion of the original video), the clips are all from really common videos that I've seen uploaded to YouTube or Google Drive, they're missing many of the rarer videos and casts, etc.

In many of those cases, I don't think the uploader has asked permission; I think the assumption is that if something is publicly available on YouTube (and it's illegal footage anyway), then the person will probably be okay with a clip of it being put in another, publicly available video on YouTube. I will say that I've never had anyone ask permission to use clips I've uploaded in their compilation video, and I almost never see that on other videos. To be clear, it's not something I get mad about; it just reinforces my theory.

And all that being said, I think this is also something that's really dependent on the fandom and the uploader. I think older fandoms like Phantom have a more relaxed view towards these things because there's so many videos, some are really old, and the show is pretty lax about cracking down on clips. In others, though, it's taken more seriously; I know when watching compilations of, say, Six The Musical, I'll see disclaimers that permission has been asked from all recorders and even credit given to them, and this is probably because it's a newer musical, with more Internet-savvy recorders who are still in the trading scene. And I think some uploaders get more of a pass if they have more clout or are just known for making these videos in general and aren't active within the trading and fandom circles themselves. (Like, good luck banning Mr. Golightly or whatever.)

Anyway, just some thoughts! Hope that answers most of your questions!

[padfootagain]

Girl Crush (XI)

Chapter 11: First Times Like Daffodils

 Here we go for a new chapter! Nothing too angsty or anything, it's rather cute.

I hope you like this chapter!! Tell me what you think!

A little disclaimer as I used Harry's words for the speech during the show, you'll understand what I mean as you read ahead. So these particular words are not mine, I just used a clip I found on youtube.

Word Count: 3405

Harry was nervous to say the least.

He was excited too, but he was mostly nervous. His album was released the day before, which in itself was absolutely nerve-wrecking. But the fact that he was performing this show tonight, singing the songs of his album, on his own, was making him tremble.

What if he couldn't do it alone?

His mother and sister were somewhere in the audience, they had spent some time backstage with him while he was getting ready. A few of his friends had come too to support him, and he felt so lucky to be surrounded with these people who loved him.

And yet, a few minutes before going up on stage, he was holding his phone in his hands, checking the screen every ten seconds while he talked with his band.

You hadn't sent him a text to wish him good luck.

You had promised that you would. He had joked that he needed a lucky charm, and you would be perfect for the role, so you had promised to send him an encouraging message before his show would start.

But he had only five minutes left before going out there, and his phone was desperately silent.

He wished you were here. He had offered to pay for your tickets, to organize everything. But your life was in L.A. and so was your work, and you couldn't get a few days off to travel and see him. Which he understood perfectly. He was simply disappointed that his best friend wasn't here for his first show, but you would have other opportunities to see him when he would be on tour, places that were much closer to your home. He reckoned that he could use one of your legendary hugs right now though…

But you were in L.A, and given the different time zones, you were working at the moment. Which explained your silence. You were probably busy and didn't have time to think about his show. If he felt a little sad about it, he also understood. He wasn't the centre of your world, and for now, you had more pressing tasks to tend to. He just wished he could hear from you before going on stage, he knew it would ease his mind.

Finally, his phone vibrated in his palm, and he hurried to check the notification.

It was your text alright, but he frowned as he read it, the words not being at all what he expected.

 Row 4, middle, slightly to the left.

 What?

 Good luck, Rockstar. See you in five.

 A little heart emoji followed, but Harry's frown only grew bigger as he read the texts again.

Did it… did it mean that you were here?

That was impossible, you were in L.A… he had talked to you the previous day, and you were home…

What was happening?

"H! Time to go!"

"Is Y/N here?"

Mitch raised an eyebrow.

"I've just received a weird text from her," Harry went on. "Is she here?"

Sarah and Mitch exchanged a knowing glance, but shrugged. Meanwhile, Adam couldn't refrain a chuckle.

"We don't know," Mitch answered, with the less innocent expression Harry had ever seen.

"Come on, tell me, don't give me a false hope!"

"We don't know."

"Mitch. Sarah. Adam. Come on! Clare, do you know anything?"

"We don't know… I mean, it might be possible that we've booked a flight for her and kept it a secret…" Sarah proposed, Harry breaking into a bright grin. "But that didn't happen, cause we haven't been paid yet, which means that we're broke."

"Liars! Liars! All of you!" Harry accused, and yet his smile didn't falter.

"Time to go!"

And indeed it was time. His heart was pounding, and he heaved a sigh, hugging every member of his band before stepping on the stage.

The cheers were deafening. God, he had missed standing on a stage like this…

But as he got ready, adjusting his guitar before he would start playing, he looked through the crowd, narrowing his eyes in an attempt to spot you despite the blinding lights that were facing him, a vivid contrast to the darkness that bathed the crowd.

Fourth row… around the middle…

The music started for Ever Since New York, and Harry kept on scanning the crowd while he sang.

It was hard to spot anything in the crowd, with everyone shouting and rising their hands, but he noticed that someone was waving at him and didn't hold a phone, on the fourth row.

And indeed, there you were.

You were standing there, in the midst of all these strangers, with a wide grin plastered on your face as you sang along to the chorus.

You gave him the thumbs up, and he couldn't refrain a smile.

You were here…

He couldn’t believe it. You had lied to him, and his band too, and he was pretty certain that Jeffrey was involved as well. What a band of liars you all made.

He was happy to be played for a fool this time though. Because you were standing there, fourth row, just a few meters away from him, and you were singing along and jumping and cheering, and he felt so much comfortable now that you were here. Safer. As if nothing would go wrong for as long as he kept you jumping and singing the way you did now.

He felt stronger now that he knew that you were here.

Ever Since New York turned into Carolina, and you jumped and sang along and you never stopped smiling. He kept an eye on you all along, smiling every time your eyes caught his.

And you had to admit that he looked stunning in his black shirt and purple Gucci suit. He seemed a little nervous, and yet you could tell that he was exactly where he belonged. He was meant to be on stage.

When the last notes died out, and the crowd cheered so loudly - you were certain that you would walk out of the room being deaf - he turned to the crowd to greet his audience.

"Hello, London."

More shouts echoed through the hall, and you smiled at how excited everyone around you was.

"Huh… I'm Harry, nice to meet you," he went on with a little wave, and you swore that he was the most adorable being you had ever seen.

He stared right at you when he spoke again, his smile still sincere although it turned a little cheeky.

"Thank you very much for having me."

You winked at him, making him chuckle, before he would turn to the rest of the crowd again.

"How are you?"

Some deafening cheers again, and he grinned.

"Good. Huh… my album came out yesterday and… huh… I wanted to do a show and… huh… I'm gonna play those songs for you, I hope you enjoy it. And… huh… this is my first show in a long time. My first show ever. So…"

He turned to you once more, and you recognized this time that his voice was shaking with emotion as he spoke once more.

"… it's a moment I won't forget and I thank you very much for being here with me."

You beamed up at him, sending him a kiss, making him smile and shook his head at you.

How could you be so damn adorable all the time?

And how did you manage to always be here for him when he needed you most?

All that he hoped was that he did the same for you.

Harry was nervous to say the least.

Which was ridiculous after all, because he was only going to your flat to spend his evening with you. Which he had done hundreds of times, and he was genuinely happy to see you.

What was different this time though, was that Gareth would be here.

You had asked Harry if he wanted to meet him, and even if he was lying, he had accepted with a smile. Of course he had, he was your friend, and it was only natural for you to want for Gareth to meet your friends.

Jasmine would be there too, and Harry was rather grateful for that. He reckoned he would feel less awkward then. Not that he really knew why he thought that it was awkward for him to meet Gareth… he reckoned it was better to not dwell on this feeling too much.

Anyways, that was why he was nervous now, holding his bottle of red wine while he climbed the flight of stairs leading to your flat.

He reached for the doorknob the same way he had so many times before, because you always left the door open for him when you were expecting him to drop by…

… but this time when he tried to open the door, it was locked.

He tried again, but there was no mistake.

Your… door was locked… why had you locked your door when you knew that he was coming? And why was Harry so hurt by the gesture?

He remained standing there, on the threshold, his hand resting on the doorknob, his rings making a metallic noise as he moved his fingers slightly to tighten his hold. Somehow, he couldn't process what it meant. Or, actually, he was processing way too much.

Did it mean that you wouldn't want him around anymore? Would it mean that he wouldn't see you as much as before? Did it mean that you had moved on and left him behind? Were you closing your world to him? Had you changed your mind, and closed the door upon him, not wanting him to be the close friend he used to be to you now that you had someone in your life?

He shook himself, cursing at his rambling mind for being ridiculous, while he finally raised his hand and knocked.

You had simply been busy and had forgotten to unlock the door, he was sure that was it. Wasn't it? It didn't mean anything else… nothing else…

He heard your rushed footsteps coming closer to the door, and you were fast to open the door for him.

You welcomed him with a large grin.

"Hi, Harry!" you imprisoned him in a tight hug, and it seemed that all his worries had vanished in thin air the second you closed your arms around him. "Sorry about that, I thought I had opened the door."

"'S alright. Here's the wine!"

"Thanks! It's weird, I was sure I had opened that door…"

You let Harry in, leaving the door unlocked this time as you expected Jasmine to arrive soon, calling for Gareth while Harry was taking off his jacket.

"Babe, did you close the front door? I was sure I left it open for Harry and Jas…"

"Yeah, I did. You shouldn't leave your door open like that, it's not safe."

At the sound of your boyfriend's voice, Harry froze for a second. So, that was what he sounded like… a rather deep voice, even if it wasn't as much as Harry's. And he had been the one closing the door, which meant…

… which meant that you still wanted Harry around just as much. He let out a relieved sigh, no matter how ridiculous his thoughts could be.

"It was for Harry and Jas to get in."

"Oh, okay."

Harry finally stepped into the living room, and you could introduce him to Gareth properly this time. You had an excited smile on your lips.

"So… Harry, this is Gareth. Gareth, Harry!"

The two men shook hands, exchanging polite smiles.

"How are you?" Harry asked first.

"Good. Thanks for coming. It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Y/N keeps on talking about you all the time."

"Huh! Does she, now?" Harry teased you, a cheeky smile adorning his lips, and you rolled your eyes as an answer.

"He's trying to flatter that enormous ego of yours just so you can like him, obviously," you retaliated, making Harry laugh.

"Well, please, Gareth, don't stop. I love it."

Harry's jokes seemed to break a little of the ice that had settled between the two men, but there was still an uncomfortable element floating in the room.

A loud ding ringing in the kitchen drew the attention to something else though. Harry turned to you with a frown.

"Is that a timer? Are you cooking?"

"I am!" you answered proudly.

"Oh shit…"

"Hey! Gareth is helping me, he's a great cook!"

"Oh, I see," Harry nodded, turning his gaze to the ground, and clenching his fists.

Well, if Gareth was a great cook then…

"I'm guessing that Jas will be late, as usual," Harry took it upon himself to make small talk.

"Probably."

"So… Gareth… Y/N told me that you were an architect?" he went on as you all moved to the kitchen.

"Yes, I am. I renovate buildings and mansions, mostly," your boyfriend answered.

"For how long have you been doing that?"

"A couple of years."

"And it's going well?"

"Yes, it is."

"What made you choose to renovate rather than build new… buildings?"

"I just had an opportunity in a firm after I got my degree, and figured it was a good start. And I genuinely enjoy it, so… Why take a risk and look for something else, right?"

"Right," Harry nodded.

On the other hand, Harry was a musician… very successful for now, but he reckoned that every step of his career was a risk. Every album was a risk to take. And Harry reckoned that it was worth it. Having a chance to make a living out of his music was definitely worth taking risks, and he had been lucky in the past, he was living more than comfortably and didn't have to worry for the foreseeable future. Still, his life was hectic and more uncertain than most. Gareth on the other hand, was stable, safe, reliable. The kind of guy who didn't look for the best job but the safer one.

And he was a great cook…

Besides, now that he was looking at him up close, Harry couldn't deny that he was quite good-looking. He had no trouble imagining why you would find your boyfriend attractive. Did you think that Gareth was more attractive than him?

Jasmine eventually arrived, late as usual, and you settled together around your kitchen table. Gareth couldn't help but notice the way Harry was so comfortable in your home. He knew where everything was stored, he didn't seem to need for your permission to go in your bedroom to go looking for one of the sweaters he had left at your place. And he had left a few pullovers and jumpers in your home. Gareth had discovered a couple of weeks before that he even had his own toothbrush.

When he had asked you about it, you had looked at him with a frown, clearly not understanding the issue. It was more practical, you claimed. Sometimes your movie nights lingered too late, and it wasn't safe for him to drive home, so he stayed for the night on the couch. He had a few things at your place just in case. And you apparently had everything you would need at his place too if you needed to stay over at his house.

And Gareth would have been lying had he claimed to be comfortable with this. Of course, he was happy that you had friends, but Harry…

… Harry was sketchy.

Harry was too charming, he oozed charm all around him. He was British with this accent, and he was all over… too much in your life.

He was your best friend, but Gareth wasn't so sure if you were only a friend to him. When you talked about him, you described him as being the kindest person you had met, and Gareth could see why, he seemed to be a good person. And when he had asked about all the rumours the tabloids kept on pushing onto him, you had glared at Gareth and warned him to never trust or even mention those again, because none of their words were true.

But then, Gareth didn't know Harry for now. And currently, he didn't like how close the two of you seemed to be, how simple it seemed for you to slip into a conversation of your own, how easy it seemed for you both to understand each other. Because he didn't think that he was there with you just yet, it was only natural, he reckoned, that jealousy would then gnaw at his heart.

"When is your tour starting then?" Gareth asked your friend, and Harry's flinch was visible.

"In September," Harry answered. "Got about a month left to finish preparing everything."

"Can't wait to go and see you," Jasmine nudged him. "I knew it was a good idea to be friends with you. We got free tickets," she added, winking at Gareth and making all of you laugh.

"Do you want to come too," Harry politely offered to your boyfriend, although he truly hoped that he would decline. Sadly, he didn't.

"Sure! That would be great! Thanks!"

"If it's as good as this first show of yours, then it's gonna be amazing!" you grinned, and Harry made a funny face to hide his blush.

"I was crazy nervous."

"You were great! It was amazing!"

"Is that the show you went to in London?" Gareth asked you, and you nodded.

"Yeah, Mitch and Jeff helped me plan everything to surprise Harry. I was supposed to be working, but managed to convince Mary at the last minute, so I asked for their help to travel there."

"Thank you again for coming. It means a lot to me," Harry gave you a tender smile, a smile that Gareth found too tender, actually.

"So… you just flew all the way to London just for the show?" Gareth asked, frowning.

"Yeah. I took a plane back home the next day, Mary only gave me two days off."

He looked at you with a shocked expression that you didn't understand.

"What?"

"You flew halfway across the globe just for one concert?"

"It was Harry's first show since he started his solo career, I needed to be there for him."

"It's… it's just a show."

"It's Harry's show. He's my best friend. It was important. It's as if… I don't know… what if I managed to open my shop? Wouldn't you find important for you to be here when it opens?"

"Yes, but… I'm your boyfriend."

"And Harry's my best friend. It's normal."

Gareth wanted to reply that it wasn't normal at all. He had a best friend too, but he wouldn't travel across the planet for only one night, under short notice, like this.

You shrugged his remark away and asked more about Harry's tour, the conversation drifting back towards his shows.

And maybe Gareth was being paranoid, simply because of who Harry was, but… he settled on the idea that he didn't like him too much.

Harry had to leave early that night, because of early appointments to prepare his shows. While Gareth was in the bathroom, Jasmine took the opportunity to talk to you in a more private setting.

"So, that was Gareth."

"Hmm," you nodded, washing the dishes while your friend leaned against the counter by your side.

No need to ask her for help, you knew she would simply ignore you.

"He's nice. He's a really nice guy. I'm glad you found someone who seems to be truly involved in your relationship."

"Yes, he's sweet."

"I mean… he doesn't have Harry's dimples nor his arse, but then nobody's perfect."

"JAS!" you splashed some water on her, making her laugh.

"I'm joking!" she defended herself. "I like Gareth, he's nice to you, clearly. And he's a safer choice. That's what you were aiming at, right?"

"I don't reckon that there was ever a choice. What are you insinuating? Harry and I are just friends. We've always been just friends, and it won't change."

"You listened to my advice."

"Yeah, I did. Although there was nothing to get over, because I don't like him that way."

"I see. All is fine then?"

"Sure," you nodded, taking a deeper breath, and you weren't sure if you were trying to convince yourself or your friend as you went on. "Everything's fine."

**********************************

Tag list :  @ponycake27​​ @horsesreign​​ @xinyourdreamsx​​ @jbluevelvet​​@notkeppeki @daynigt-dreamer-stuff @fudgeflyss​​ @stuckupstucky​​@snek-shit​​ @suchatinyinfinity​@i-padfootblack-things  @buckybsarmy @heyohheyitsgabi​​@jigsawlover10 @emyyjemyy​ @addictedtofictionalcharacters​​ @staringmoony​@madamrogers​ @cronias13​ @stylesfics-xx​​ @mellamolayla​

[gracie-p8-officialblog]

Spilling Tea On Phantom of the Opera 2004

DISCLAIMER: I just want to say from the start that it is not my intention to offendanyone, you're entitled to your opinions and I'm allowed to have mine...

Ok, so, I just watched this movie a few days ago on my laptop and it was pretty much my first time sitting through the movie. I watched a few clips of the movie on YouTube but... Then, I decided to watch the whole movie. And this was my reaction.

Don't get me wrong! There WERE parts I liked but... That was just half of the movie... But overall... Um... It was meh. Ahem. Down to business!

My opinion on Gerard Butler as the Phantom? Um, wow. And not in a good way. I feel like this was a case of a talented performer being grossly miscast as the Phantom. I think this Tumblr post best describes on what I thought of his singing.

"He's supposed to have the voice of an angel, but it sounds like he's been gargling vinegar" ~Quoted by @faded-florals

Don't get me wrong. His voice is quite good for an untrained singer but... The Phantom is one of the biggest musical theatre roles of all time! It's right up there with Jean Valjean. It's really not a role that could go a competent singer, someone who's never sang professionally before but could be good once they've been trained up a bit. The role demands a truly great singer... And he wasn't right for the part.

His voice felt too strainy, growly and rock-ish for the Phantom. I didn't like how Joel Schumacher bought into the whole "sexy Phantom" thing and cast a hunky heart-throb, who was nowhere near disfigured enough. It's meant to be a gothic thriller novel with a small romantic subplot, not a B-grade vampire romance movie!

As for Emmy Rossum as Miss Christine Daae... it's true, her voice is good. She should know though, should she wish to excel, she has MUCH still to learn (Heeeeehee. Sorry. Couldn't resist.)

Emmy's Christine had little-to-no character growth and personality but I don't think it reflects her as an actress, but reflects more on the director and casting director because of how young she was (but more on that later)

Not only that, her Christine was SIGNIFICANTLY dumbed down and oversexualized. I mean, the entire point of the story is that Christine grows strong enough to overcome the trauma of an abusive relationship and make sure that her abuser never hurts anyone ever again but still shows the Phantom compassion and sympathy. I mean, her story arc is her becoming strong-willed enough to overcome the Phantom's pull/spell/enchantment/hypnosis or whatever you percieve it as on her! And don't get me started on her costumes because of the SEVERE lack of modesty.

The chemistry was a little flat because she was underage and her two male love interests were both in their 30s (which totally isn't HER fault, of course, but the directors could easily have cast someone else older)

Her voice, too, strikes me as being much too young and undeveloped. She has a very pretty, sweet-sounding quality to her singing but she doesn't sound rich and operatic enough to be a convincing Christine. Rebecca Caine and Amy Manford do the best job of singing the way I think Christine ought to sound- a maturing opera voice! Though POTO is NOT an opera (you wouldn't believe how many people actually think it is...), it does revolve around opera, and Christine is an opera singer, not a pop star.

And now onto... Everyone's favourite vicomte!!!!!!

C'mon people, put your bottles down. It is a truth universally acknowledged (or at least in the wee Raoul Defense Squad Circle) that Raoul is one of the greatest and most underrated boyfriends to ever exist in musical theatre and it's almost impossible to hate him because of how relatable he is.

Ladies, puh-leeze. He's much more relatable than you admit and face it, we all have a little bit of Raoul in us. Failure to see things staring us in the face, saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, having a 'see it to believe it' attitude when we have little-to-no evidence on something... yeah, don't pretend you don't see a trend. Raoul is relatable whether we want him to be or not.

My thoughts on Patrick Wilson as Raoul, he was one of the few redeeming qualities of this not so great movie. Yeah, the swordfight and Tarzan leaps were a little too much but can you blame him?! And though I feel like that foppish wig made him look more like a magic elf prince than a vicomte, he couldn't control that!

His Raoul was so gentle and caring! Yeah, his acting was a bit stiff but at least his voice wasn't a chore to listen to, it has this warm, tender, comforting quality to it which suits Raoul. I really loved the way he sang "Don't throw away your life for my sake" and "I fought so hard to free you" in the Final Lair (😭😭😭) It feels like Raoul is genuinely apologising to Christine.

I know, I know... The Hadley Fraser fans are approaching with menacing expressions as we speak but let me clarify. I still think Hadley is amazing but... His Raoul kinda felt a little too shouty for me and his Raoul was closer to the LND-canon than POTO-canon (not his fault though).

Miranda Richardson (aka. Rita Skeeter) as Madame Giry is kind of weird. I mean, I know Madame Giry's supposed to be a little Strange and Mysterious. But this Mme. wasn't really Strange or Mysterious at all, or even slightly Spooky at all. She was just kind of an oddball. Popping up in random places to give warnings about the Phantom and looking at people as if she were questioning their life choices or something. As for her daughter... well, Jennifer Ellison's Meg was so-so. She's got a sweet-sounding voice and that added scene where she looked for Christine in the lair was a nice touch... But... Her Meg was kinda forgettable and uninteresting. Meg is supposed to prance around shrieking that the Phantom of the Opera is here, not whisper it in a blase manner that you half expect to be followed up with, "by the way, what's for lunch?" Not to mention, she rivaled Christine as far as low-necked costumes went.

Minnie Driver as Carlotta was spot on! Yes, I know she didn't sing the score but her acting was alright. She was very over-the-top and self-centered, which is great for Carlotta, but I felt her portrayal was a little too childish to be accurate. Carlotta is a successful middle-aged diva who's willing to scream and storm when she doesn't get her way, but she isn't a two-year-old pouting and throwing tantrums. (Yes, there's a difference.)

Ciaran Hinds and Simon Callow played Firmin and Andre, respectively. Their managers kinda felt like twits and nothing more. Also, Firmin's masquerade costume was ridiculous. The stupid kind, not the funny kind. ...Well, okay, it was a little funny.

I'm not going to touch on every song here, but I will say that "Hannibal" was beyond awful (if you thought the costumes in the stage version were a bit risque, you should see the movie ones- no, actually you shouldn't) and that "Think of Me," while very nice, was not particularly memorable. Christine's dress, however (despite its less-than-ideal neckline) was GORGEOUS, even though it looks completely out of place in a musical that supposedly takes place in ancient Alexandria.

"Little Lotte" kinda lost its charm by being spoken instead of sung. And Gerard Butler's voice in "The Mirror" was too rough and raspy for my ears and made me cringe in sympathetic shame. The title song was like a cheesy, campy B-grade horror movie tbh, trying way too hard to be spooky and chilling ("ooh, look, Phantom's Lair! It's DARK and SCARY down here!") and succeeding only in being cringeworthy. Not that I've actually ever seen a bad horror movie- or any horror movie at all, for that matter. Unless you count this one.

Christine's costume, too, annoyed me no end. She was basically wearing a corset and drawers under the dressing gown. *facepalm* The dressing gown is supposed to go OVER your COSTUME to keep it CLEAN, peeps. It's not a BATHROBE. And the amount of eye makeup she had on would terrify a raccoon. Yikes.

Though I liked the random horse because of its nod to the Leroux novel.

"Music of the Night" was so blah-slash-touchy-feely that it made me summarily uncomfortable.

I'd like to be able to say something nice about "I remember/Stranger than you dreamt it" but I have none. One thing that bugged me to no end was how Christine is no longer wearing stockings, like dude, that gives some GROSS implications. Anyways, let's skip to Il Muto!

Oh, but first I should say that "Notes" was rather a flop and that "Prima Donna" is unmemorable and indeed should probably be fast-forwarded as there's a rather unsavory bit involving a crew member showing the audience what he thinks of Carlotta's behaviour.

"Il Muto," I must say, was pretty doggone funny. Carlotta's "Your part is silent. Leetle toad," cracked me up into a bunch of giggling little pieces, and the little vignette of the Phantom tinkering with Carlotta's throat spray made her croaking later on a lot more believable.

Now for "All I Ask Of You", SQUEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! I honestly can't understand how anyone could listen to this song and still maintain that Christine and Raoul don't belong together. He represents everything she needs- stability, protection, a guiding hand and affirmed affection. She represents everything he needs, in turn- someone to show affection to and his childhood friend.

One thing I definitely think could have been left out was the scene in which Erik kills Buquet- we totally did not need to see him being chased, terrified, through the rafters and finally strangled. Gross.

And the Phantom and his rose crouching behind that statue... I think this was supposed to be sad, but there was too much snot mixed with tears for it to be sad. It was, again, gross. So was Gerard Butler's pathetic attempt at the "all that the Phantom asked of you" line. And the lack of a chandelier crash in that scene made the song anticlimactic.

And "Masquerade" was so-so but... The Phantom's entrance is anticlimactic somehow, and his Red Death costume (if indeed it's supposed to even BE the Red Death) is unimpressive. I don't like how Raoul just runs off to desert Christine as soon as things start looking ugly (yes, I realize he was going to get his sword, but still... something could have happened to her while he was gone. Duh, did this guy learn anything from "Little Lotte/The Mirror"? Just sayin)

As for Madame Giry's flashback immediately following, I like how it gives us some of the Phantom's backstory, but it seems really abrupt. You don't even realize until she's done that she was talking to Raoul the whole time- it sounds like she's just randomly reminiscing about Stuff, and if you didn't know the story you might be sitting there thinking, "who is this strange woman again?"

Also, Christine leaving wherever-it-is at, like, five in the morning to go to who-knows-where, completely oblivious to the fact that the Phantom is driving her. Whaaaaaaaaa? How'd he know she was planning to go for a graveyard stroll? Was he watching her through the mirror again? THAT'S JUST CREEPY.

"Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" was rather mediocre and dulled down the fact that it is a Christine Empowerment™ song. Why, exactly, does Christine's father have the biggest monument in the cemetery? If he were a rich and famous violinist as his crypt seems to suggest, why on earth was his daughter struggling along as a chorus girl taking free music lessons?

The swordfight... Well... I had mixed feelings about it. Sword fights are all well and good, but... The swordfight takes away the element of mysterious danger to the Phantom. Okay, fine, Christine getting Raoul to spare the Phantom's life is a nice touch, I guess, but did it strike no one else that his "now let it be war upon you BOTH" makes absolutely NO sense after that? If she just saved his life, why would he suddenly be all, "thanks, but no thanks, I'M GOING TO MURDER YOUUUUUUUUUU"?

And "Twisted Every Way" was after "Wishing" which made ZERO sense. Plus, I didn't like how they cut most of it because in the musical, it gave Christine a spine!

"Point of No Return"? Hooooooo boy....... There are so many things wrong with this number. Let's just a list a few.

*HOW did no one recognise the Phantom through his "disguise"?! At least in the stage play, it made more sense because of how he was wearing a cloak that obscured most of his body.

*Christine's sleeves falling down over and over again were REALLY annoying.

*It was just too touchy-feely for my taste.

*The fact that Emmy Rossum was a teenager during filming made this scene gross because of the way they oversexualized Christine in this scene.

*Gerard Butler's voice in that scene made me cringe and shake my head in sympathetic shame.

*In the stage play, Christine ran from him, showing her own agenda and resistance to his pull! While in the movie, she didn't resist him!

*Now for the one that took the cake... The disfigurement! Or it would be a disfigurement if it actually made him look, y'know, deformed. Instead, as several people have put it, he looks like he got a bad sunburn or something. It's really rather pathetic. It makes him look more like a drama queen than he already is! Yeah.... I really don't like this movie.

On to... Final Lair!!!!!!!! It was a flop. From Raoul's whining and flailing around and his stringy hair flopping about (shallow complaint, I know, but it's so ugly) to Christine's sappy melodramatic "don't make me choooooooose" faces to the Phantom's prancing around with his ropes and maniacal laughter that somehow wasn't really scary at all... yeah, it was a flop. A major, major flop. And though The Kiss wasn't all that bad, all I could think of was, "She's SIXTEEN! SIX! TEEN! THIS IS CREEPY, DISTURBING AND GROSS!"

Which is why it's so difficult for me to admit that, um, I... cried at the end.

I COULDN'T HELP IT GUYS HE WAS ALL ALONE THERE IN HIS LAKE WITH HIS MONKEY AND HIS SMASHED MIRRORS AND HE WAS CRYING AND IT WAS SAD.

And then that rose on the gravestone? That single red rose? And the look on Old Raoul's face (still Patrick Wilson, by the way, under all that makeup) when he saw it and realized he wasn't the only one visiting Christine's grave? Yup, I lost it again there, too. And I really didn't want to. Because I tend to cry over movies I love, y'know? And I didn't love this movie. At all

Yet I still cried at the end. I'm not really sure why. I think perhaps it had something to do with the way the story still "got" me, deep down inside, despite the lousy casting and less-than-perfect singing and ridiculously unnecessary elements that totally didn't need to be there. It's still a tragically beautiful romance, and even a bad film can't kill that.

In conclusion, I think Mary Poppins can best express what I thought of POTO 2004.

In conclusion, I rate it a 2.7/5

[andyagentoftheempire-blog]

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[irisouy]

So today I want to give my opinion on my latest obsession: BTS. No, I am not speaking about “Behind The Scenes”, but about a music group/band called BTS (Bangtan Boys). For those who do not know them (who doesn’t at this point?) they are a 7-member k-pop group, who are breaking all records. I usually do not give my opinion on music, since my blog is mostly a “The 100”–related blog, but I felt that this time I could make an exception, because I have been enjoying this group very much during “The 100” hell-hiatus and felt like sharing my impressions.

So how did I come across discovering this group? Well… lately I have been into k-dramas. Almost two years ago I discovered the world of Korean dramas, and really fell in love with it. It made me stop watching most American series (well except for The 100, duh), and I have been doing a lot of binge-watching of really good Korean series. Of course, while watching them I often hear really nice songs in the background or as OST, and out of curiosity I went on YouTube to listen to those tracks in full version. That’s how I discovered k-Pop: it was first VIXX, then GOT7, then EXO and WINNER. Of course, I watched other k-pop boy-bands, but those are the ones that I liked most. And then, one day, after watching a clip from one of the groups I have just mentioned, the automatic lecture feature in YouTube put on “NOT TODAY” of BTS and I got hypnotized by the crazy dancing. Don’t get me wrong, other groups are very good dancers, but BTS choreographies and attitude really impressed me big time. And when I watched “FIRE” next, I was hooked.

Before I move on let me clarify some things about me: first of all, I do not consider myself as an ARMY member. Again for those who are not familiar, “ARMY” is the name of the BTS fandom and I believe it is one of the most active fandoms in social media if it is not the most. Second of all, I am in my mid-thirties, which is kind of old considering the average age of ARMY stans. Also, I was a teenager during the 90’s and I have lived the boys-band era, and let me tell you this: I have never been a fan (to the exception of some random songs). So this is the opinion of a person who is not in the BTS fandom (yet?), who has never really been fond of boy-bands and who is “oldish”.

Let’s get into it! (Beware, I have a lot to say => 5 K words after the cut)

Disclaimer: I am rather new to this so if I say something wrong, educate me, do not send hate please

So as I said, it’s the dancing that got me interested in BTS: the songs I first heard where OK to my standards, very catchy, but I mostly loved watching the dancing, more than listening to the songs. But then, I came across the rest of their songs and I started enjoying it more and more. The more I listened to them, the more I enjoyed it: this kind of music has a way to creep into you.

So what has “sealed the deal” for me?

A great discography

Variety of genres in their discography: not one songs resembles the other. They have Hip-hop, trap and rap tracks, R&B and pop songs, ballads …the variety of genres is impressive, even within the same song! I am not used to see this in other (non-korean) groups/singers: once they start in a genre they stick to it, with very seldom variations. But BTS seems to enjoy exploring genres and they are very good at it.

I mostly like their calmest songs with “Tomorrow” being my absolute favorite, followed by “House of cards” and “Let me know”. But they have so many beautiful songs: “Spring Day”, “Save me”, “Dead leaves”, “Hold me tight”, “Sea”, “Born singer”, “I need U”, “Run”, “Go Go”, “Boy in luv”, “Best of me”, “Baepsae” to name some of my favorites. I even really like their debut songs such as “No more dream”, “N.O.”& “We are bullet-proof”.

This doesn’t mean I do not enjoy their most recent songs like “Blood, sweat and tears”, “DNA” & “Mic Drop”: but for those, I mostly like the video clips more than the songs (sorry, my opinion!). Just like “Fire” and “Not today” are extremely catchy (and I’m in love with the MVs), but it is not the type of songs I listen to on my way to work. Those are the type of songs which are more powerful if you watch the whole performance (singing + dancing).

So my advice: do not just listen to Title tracks only: my favorite BTS songs are not Title tracks, and they are sooooo good.

To top it all, the majority of their songs have meaningful lyrics and tackle sensitive topics. And when you start scratching the surface you discover that their songs and MVs are connected to each other across the years of their existence. That’s when you get into theories, because yes, every detail is important and is part of a mysterious and giant puzzle that will blow your mind.

Top-notch Production

An A-team: I firmly believe that BTS members are among the most talented individuals I have ever encountered, but they are not alone in this. The reason why BTS is rising to the top is also due to the team surrounding them. Watch any BTS MV: the cinematography is beautiful, the costumes are stylish, the color scheme is on point, the choreographies are awesome, and camera angles perfect… you can feel there is a lot of work and thought put together to get this result. And when you watch live performances, you also get the sense that behind BTS, there is a talented team that supports them.

I think that BTS is the only idol group of Big Hit entertainment (for now) and it really shows. You can tell Big Hit puts a lot of effort and care into this group. Every little detail is well thought of and planned. Big Hit entertainment is doing everything they can to showcase the talent they have in their hands. I also appreciate the fact that they are letting each member explore their own artistry outside from the group. The fact that they gave solos to each member in the Wings album was a smart move. It allowed each member to shine on their own, with their own style, while still showcasing the group as a whole. Smart, smart indeed.

I like the fact that they allow some freedom to their artists: they have their say in the production process, they write lyrics, produce songs, and from time to time they let them get songs by themselves and let them explore the music they like. Because they are so different, and they all shine when performing solo, but each on their own way. Just have a listen/look at the mixtapes released for each member of the rap line: whether it is RM’s, Agust D’s or J-Hope’s, each mixtape has a different feel and genre. The members’ tastes and personalities just shine through their music and I like the fact that Big Hit supports them into their musical journey.

 7 talented young men

Well of course what makes BTS so good are its 7 talented members: each one has a very distinct voice, style and personality and whether they are singing, rapping or dancing, the experience is really enjoyable. Note that they are so good, that it took me a loooooong while finding a “bias” (aka favorite member), and even if I have one now, the others are really not far away from him. It’s crazy how easily you can get attached to them.

Let’s do a quick tour of the members, their performances and characteristics. (Again, this is my opinion based on what I have seen, do not get offended that I don’t like your bias as much as you do!).

Let’s start with the rappers: J-Hope, Suga and RM. I am not going to lie, although I enjoy rap, it is not my cup of tea: I’m fine with small doses, but can have trouble listening to pure rap, with nothing else around. However those 3 rappers made me appreciate rapping in ways I did not expect, because they have the attitude, the flow and the talent. If you don’t know them already, I recommend listening to their Cyphers (with subtitles turned on) which are really, really good: I personally really like Cypher pt. 4, but pt.3 is really good too (but this will be different according to each person’s tastes).

The rappers of the group have suffered from mockery from other rappers because they joined BTS, and were hence considered as not being “real rappers”. But let me tell you this: they have proven again and again that they are extremely talented and that they do not need to envy other self-proclaimed “real” rappers.

· J-Hope: real name Jung Hoseok, also known as Hobi, Hoseok. He might be the most underrated rapper as usually RM and Suga get most of the attention. At least, I know he is the last member I paid attention to within the rap-line. Rap-wise I would say that his style is slower than RM’s and Suga, infusing his cheerful personality in every line. I like how he modulates the rhythm of his diction in his rapping, and the fact that he incorporates singing into it, building his own rapping style. What is also impressive is the fact that J-Hope never rapped before joining BTS, he was a dancer. But keep in mind that I am far from being a specialist of rap. The first time I paid attention to J-Hope is with the Wings album: I was impressed with his track “Boys meets Evil” and I also really enjoyed “Hey Mama”. What gets me the most with him is that he is a multi-faceted artist: he knows how to rap, sing (have you heard his singing? soooo nice!) AND he is an amazing dancer. I really do love his dancing: the energy he has when dancing is breathtaking, and this same energy transpires in his solo tracks. And of course I have to talk about his mixtape that just came out in March 2018. Such a sleek and mellow sound: the Hixtape is a very unique trip into his world and a real treat for the ears. No wonder it broke records all over the World! Also, personality-wise J-Hope is a funny, caring and optimistic individual: basically, a real sunshine. What’s not to love?

 · RM: real name Kim Namjoon, aka God of Destruction, formerly known as Rap Monster (or Rap Mon) …he is the first rapper that I noticed because of his low deep voice and chill attitude. He “spits some bars” has some will say but in the best way possible. His rapping skills are sick: he can rap extremely fast (*cough*joke*cough*), or take it slower, but always with attitude. But what is weird is that I like RM the most when he sings…yep, with time I have the impression that he has been singing more and more and I absolutely love it. His part in “Best of me”, “Let me know”, or in “4 o’clock” is really awesome for lack of a better word. RM is the leader of BTS and as such he is in charge of being the spokesperson of the group and the link between Big Hit and the BTS members. He basically is the dad of the group and makes sure that every member gets his share of spotlight.

Besides from being a caring and respected leader, RM is also an excellent song writer and producer: you need to listen to songs like “Spring day”, or “Serendipity” to see the tip of the iceberg of his writing abilities.

Basically, RM is a really smart (IQ of 148), caring, charismatic individual who takes his role in BTS to heart.

 · Suga: real name Min Yoongi, also known as Agust D. At first I didn’t really pay attention to Suga. But he is a quiet force that crept into me slowly and then hit me hard. I really started noticing him with his solo song in the Wings album: “First love”. I first listened to it without reading the lyrics and I was touched by the raw emotion that his performance transpired. Then, when reading the lyrics I got transported by his love of music: music was and will always be his first love. Nice. But of course it didn’t stop there, that was just an appetizer: I then discovered his mix tape under his other stage name “Agust D”. Oh WOW. Do you remember when I said I was not into rap songs that much? Well I am into HIS songs very much. I discovered real gems in this mixtape, my favorites being “Agust D”, “Far way” and my number 1 of all “The last”. His rapping is the most lit thing I have ever heard, the way he modulates the rhythm of his rapping according to the message he wants to deliver and at the core of that there is always RAW emotion. And when you read the lyrics of “The last”, oh my… it’s heart-wrenching. This guy is so freaking talented that he just became my bias wrecker with this mix tape, hands down.

But Suga’s talent does not lie only on his rapping skills; just like RM he writes lyrics, composes and produces songs. And he really is very good at producing: my favorite song of BTS (Tomorrow) was produced by him. He even won an award for his producing skills. I like that he is so passionate about his music.

And I also like his personality: he is more introverted than the others, with a darker humor and can be a real savage. But you can tell he is a tormented soul (even before reading his lyrics!) and inside he is a big softy. So yeah, freaking Suga: an awesome individual, rapper AND producer.

OK, now let’s dive into the vocal line: Jin, V, Jungkook and Jimin. As I said, I am biased because I enjoy singing more than rapping (well most of the time).

· Jin: real name Kim Seok Jin, also known as “Worldwide handsome”. Yes, he IS handsome but he also has such a beautiful, and breathy voice. The “visual” member of the group is also the most underrated singer of BTS. I thank the Wings album every day because it got me into knowing each member and pay attention to them individually. Just like with Suga and J-Hope, it’s Jin’s solo song “Awake” that made me notice him more. He surprised me in a very positive way, and I realized at that moment that may be the fact that I did not pay attention to him was simply because he doesn’t have that many lines in the songs. He truly deserves to get way more spotlight to show his true potential. Luckily he finally got more lines in the Japanese album and has shone in “Don’t leave me”, and “Let go”.

Jin has a very stable voice that relaxes me to no end. I can’t wait to get some Jin-exclusive content: I will be there to support him. I honestly was low-key disappointed that Jungkook got the intro “Euphoria” for “Love yourself: Wonder”: I was expecting an intro by Jin (don’t get me wrong I love Euphoria and Jungkook!).

Personality-wise, even though he is the oldest, I think he might be the least mature of all the members: a true kid with the funniest laugh ever (sounds like windshield). He is sweet and sensitive, but very loud! Especially when food is involved ^^ He spends his time telling dad jokes and blowing flying-kisses. As time goes on, I am liking him more and more even if at first I thought he was kind of “bland” (nonsense I know!). HE IS NOT.

 · V: real name Kim Taehyung, also known as Tae or Tae-Tae. What a soulful voice! His voice is the most distinct to me out of the members of the voice-line: when I started listening to BTS I could tell his voice apart from the others because it is very unique. His voice is like melted chocolate: so beautiful and warm. Once again, I will be referencing the Wings album: in his solo track “Stigma” he hits the high notes without a sweat and keeps his husky voice all the way through. Among my favorites I would also mention 4 o’clock (with RM!) or his cover of Adele’s “Someone like you”. But just listen to any BTS song: you cannot miss his voice. He is the member with the widest vocal range. I absolutely love his part in “Let me know” and “Spring day” to name a few, but the list would be too long. Just one thing though, I like his voice the most when he is in the low range: I appreciate him in Blood Sweat and Tears for example, where he showcases his highest notes, but I don’t know why, I am most invested when he is in the lower ranges. It just does things to my heart I cannot handle (“Crystal Snow”, “Let go”… OMG)

So his voice is amazing, anything else? Hell yeah. He is such a good performer! We often talk about J-Hope, Jimin and Jungkook when discussing dancing skills, but honestly V is not lagging at all. He lives his performances to the fullest: he is very expressive and very good at acting. Besides from that, he is a weird and funny fella and yet another sweetie. He is the biggest troll you will find and a real social butterfly. Tae really makes me laugh so much and his reactions are so unpredictable!

 · Jungkook: real name Jeon Jungkook, also known as Kookie, muscle bunny. Ok this guy is not called the “golden maknae” for nothing (Maknae means the youngest of the group). He is absolutely badass in everything he does: singing, rapping and dancing (and drawing, and sports and photography, editing…and so many areas that it is unfair for the rest of the world). He is also a very handsome kid, so I am not surprised he is the “bias” of many ARMY stans. He is one of the first I noticed because I really liked his attitude in the MVs, and when I heard his voice I melted. There is a reason he is BTS’ main vocalist. Listen to his cover in collaboration with Jimin for “We don’t talk anymore” and you’ll have an idea of how beautiful his voice is. I actually like this version of the song better than the original one. But any other cover he has done is wonderful as well (papercut, or 2U for example) and let’s not forget his solo track “Begin” (yep Wings album again). His voice has a wide range and is extremely stable, even while dancing.  To sum up, Jungkook is a very young artist that has the potential to become a bulldozer in the music industry. He oozes talent from every pore of his skin. This kid is growing fast and thanks to his “hyungs” he is asserting his style and personality.

Personality-wise, he is a walking-meme and a mischievous little bunny: he loves teasing his hyungs so much. But at the same time he still is shy in many situations: but his BTS brothers are there to protect him.

 · Jimin: real name Park Jimin, also known as chim chim or little mochi. Ok, ladies and gentlemen, presenting what k-pop fans call the “bias”. Jimin is my “bias”. He wasn’t at first, but he won me over, clip after clip, performance after performance. I like him because he is made of contrasts: I really love his voice, which can reach the highest flawless angelic notes, but at the same time deliver raspy sounds when singing low notes. I got to admit that Jungkook has a really nice voice which sounded similar to Jimin’s when I first started listening to BTS: it was hard for me telling them apart. But eventually I reached a point that know I can tell them apart 99.9% of the time: I like the fact that Jimin’s voice vibrates and flows when getting into high notes, and gets a little raspy when hitting low notes. I am not sure I can express what I hear with my English skills though (non –native speaker here). I like voices that can stir up my emotions, and his definitely does that. I always ended up liking his parts the most in almost every song, before knowing it was all him. How can I not mention his two solo songs: “Lie” and “Serendipity”? his voice is pure bliss. But I also liked his debuts and growls. Some say that he has not the best voice; I don’t care, I like his voice the most because he has some imperfections. And yes V, Jin and Jungkook can hit really high notes, but none of their voices get me as Jimin’s voice does. You know, personal bias here.

On top of having an amazing voice, this guy is an amazing dancer: both, J-Hope and him are always wonderful to watch. Jimin’s way of dancing is so expressive: everything from body to face lives the songs to the fullest. His background in contemporary dance mixes so well with popping and hip hop style of dancing. He has a good control of his body, and just flows; he is like water. Add to the equation that he seems to be a real cinnamon roll in RL, and you have an artist who is sweet and a badass at the same time. He has a very bright and sweet personality, but once he gets on stage, he becomes this other persona, full of strength and attitude: the contrast is striking and so interesting. I guess I also like the fact that he is also a very sensitive soul, struggling with self-confidence issues and inner-demons. He is a perfectionist and tortured soul hiding behind the sweetest smile.

 Energy, emotional honesty and passion:

OK, so besides their music and talent, there is also a “je ne sais quoi” factor that got me attached to this group in particular. I started watching many videos of them performing live but also many off-stage videos. And let me say this: I really liked what I have seen. OK it might be staged or manipulated, because I don’t really know what is really going on behind the scene, but it felt quite honest. Their energy seems legit, their interactions and care for each other seem genuine, their emotions as well.

Here are the things that I noticed and really liked:

·Real passion for music:

BTS members love music. Some prefer producing songs, other like to sing, others enjoy dancing… but they all have in common a drive to improve and always deliver the best performance in everything they do. Their work transpires passion and positive energy.

·Emotional honesty:

First of all I was surprised by what I call their “emotional honesty” and how they break male western stereotypes. In the countries I have lived (US, France and Spain): men are not allowed to be fragile. When I say they are not allowed, I mean society standards pressure them into always having a strong façade, no matter what. Emotions are kept buried inside because otherwise they would be seen as “feminine” and it is considered as a weakness: any time a man shows his feelings, his vulnerabilities he is being weak. Last time I checked men are human beings, just like women: they go through pain, grief, anger, anxiety etc. The fact that society tries to control the way men express their emotions is as harmful as society trying to dictate women into not being equals to men. So that’s the type of attitude I am used to see with men raised in western societies: “conceal don’t feel”.

But BTS members are not like this at all. I don’t know if in Korea men are more in touch with their emotions (I don’t know this country and its society so I cannot judge), or if BTS members are emotional because they are still young. But anyways, it is so refreshing to see these kids expressing their feelings, inner turmoil and anxieties on-stage or off-stage; they laugh and cry whenever they feel like it. They are honest with their emotions and it shows: I really hope that when getting older, they won’t lose that emotional honesty because to me that is their strength.

This emotional honesty is also present in their songs: many of them have shared their personal struggles in songs. The two songs that stroke me most were “The last” from Agust D (aka Suga) and “Lie” from Jimin: the lyrics are so personal and even dark. It takes a lot of courage to share this type of struggle, but that’s what makes this group so special. They express themselves through music. But even other group songs have deep and meaningful messages showcasing their struggles and inner thoughts. They communicate with theirs fans and the world with their lyrics.

·A strong brotherhood:

The second thing I really enjoyed about those Behind The Scene (he he he BTS;)) moments is their interactions with each other. One can tell that they are all very close to each other and that they are each other’s support. OK I know that this subject is leading me straight into a sensitive subject: “ships”. Yep, I know there is a lot of “shipping” among ARMY stans… I won’t get into that because I hate ship wars (if you know the 100 fandom you can understand what I’m saying…although I do ship, but my motto is ship and let ship). I honestly have no preferences among the relationships of the members (no ships among BTS members), but I can really say that it is a pleasure to watch their interactions, and it puts a smile on my face every single time.

And if their interactions are so pleasant to watch it is mainly due to the first point I raised: their emotional honesty. In every interaction I have watched they all seem so close to each other: not just a mere partnership, no, it seems to be a deep friendship, a brotherhood of sorts. One can tell that together they had to face challenges and suffer from extreme stress: this type of situation has the advantage to solidify relationships with the people you are living this with.

They seem to have healthy relationships: the kind of relationship where you can count on the support of the other person. We have to keep in mind that these are very young men that got into the music industry at a very young age. They got separated from their families, and even if they seem to be holding “their shit together” and being all grown-up, deep down they are still kids at heart that are getting into adulthood. They struggle with inner demons, society pressure and hectic lives.

In the light of last year’s events (suicide of SHINee’s member Jonghyun), I really hope that this group of young men are going to keep the sincerity that I can sense in them: honesty with their emotions, their art, and their relationships. I really wish they won’t get their wings burned by the music industry, and that they will have space to breathe and become their own person.

I said I don’t consider myself as part of the ARMY, but I just wrote the longest meta ever about them… should I create a side blog dedicated to BTS and jump into the fandom? Not sure I can handle two fandoms…

[livixbobbiex]

Writing Figure Skating 101 - The Routines

This is 100% about Yuri!!! On Ice, but most of this could be applied elsewhere too

Now obviously, artistic liberty, you’re free to write whatever you want and good on you, but for those who want some more realism in your fics: 

Combinations

Most often, the second jump in a combination will be either a toe loop or a loop (because they’re the only ones that take off from the right backward outside edge - which most jumps land on). If the skater spins or changes feet in between jumps, then it’s a jump sequence, not a combination. 

Also, during a Free Skate, you can only use one three jump combination, and three combinations or sequences over all. So you could have a program with a three combo and two two combos, or a program with three two combos, if that makes sense.

If you’re unsure about a combo, don’t just guess. Type into youtube, for example “double axel triple loop combo” and some results should come up. Pay close attention to how the skater moves, also. When writing Yuuri, I’d honestly recommend watching some clips of Yuzuru Hanyu, as they have (in my mind at least) a similar look.

Jumps 

Do not be afraid to google in favour of just throwing in jump names. I just tried it and it took me literally five seconds to find some pretty good, well thought out resources. There are thousands just a mere click away.

If you’re writing about 12 year old Yuuri Katsuki landing a triple axel - although it is adult Yuuri’s favourite jump - like it’s nothing, you probably need to take a step back and think about it. Of course, there are exceptions (see Until My Heart Bleeds And My Heart Aches for example - in which Yuuri starts skating more professionally earlier than canon), but in general, nuh uh. 

The only character who we’ve seen perform difficult jumps at that kind of age is Yurio, and we can assume he’s been skating with a proper coach since a very young age (based on that flashback with his grandfather). The only other character confirmed to have had that kind of affinity with jumps so young is Viktor (in a scene he implies he used to perform quads in Juniors without Yakov’s permission). 

As a very helpful guide, try and look for the Yuri!!! On Ice guide book, as I’m 90% sure it had listed the jumps that every skater can do. At least, I’m sure that chart does exist somewhere. 

Also pay attention to real life figure skating! The anime and the reality are at similarish levels, so take notes of what’s going on. AKA, don’t have your skaters jumping a quad axel on a whim when IRL it’s known as “the impossible jump” (though my own headcanon is that Yurio would be the first to ever land it sometime in his career - only after serious training).  

In terms of allowances, the free skate for example only allows eight jump elements total (including normal jumps, combinations, and sequences - you could do 10 jumps for example in a routine, but only eight separate elements). Again, look at the actual character here. In real life, Nathan Chen landed five quads in a routine, so I think you could safely say the same for characters with a very high stamina in the YOI canon. 

The in between parts

So you want to write step routines etc? Great! If you want to put in the hours of research so you can write exactly mechanically what they’re skating, all the more power to you. Actually, I’d probably love that, but you don’t really need to. If you were to just throw in something like “Yuuri slid into a spread eagle” I think that would be enough for most people. 

Again, just watch a figure skating routine, it’ll help you get a feel for how people choreograph these skates. Just remember that figure skating can be very boring when it feels like only jumps and spins. 

Strengths 

One of the things Yuri!!! On Ice did really well in my opinion was building up a bunch of different characters, with different strengths and weaknesses. If you pay close attention to the anime, some of it is pretty clearly stated. Viktor’s consistently high technical difficulty, Yuuri’s ability for step routines, Yurio’s flexibility, how Phichit’s appealing to crowds etc. 

When writing a skating routine, this is your weapon so that you’re not just repeating yourselves. Every description of skating should feel different, because there’s at least one quality that separates each character. Once again, refer to the guide book as I’m pretty sure it flat out listed their special quality, and all their stats. 

Also think about each skater’s emotions, as that was a huge part of the anime. Especially if you’re deep in the POV and mindset of your character, just talk about what they’re feeling as they skate. The only character who actually seemed to pay full attention to the routine without letting their thoughts drift is Seung-gil in canon. 

Trust me, “as Yuuri spun and prepared himself to launch into his triple lutz, digging his toe pick into the ice, he couldn’t help but briefly think_________” is a lot nicer to read than “Yuuri performed a three turn, stepped onto the left back outside edge of his skate and vaulted into the air, rotating three times and landing before_______” 

(I realise that the second didn’t sound as awful as I intended it to but you just have to imagine that sentence essentially repeated in one massive block paragraph). 

The main thing I’d want people to take away from this is that describe, putting in a few minutes of research to ensure that it’s accurate and plausible, but don’t over describe.

Scoring 

Okay so let me just throw out some real life world records here:

Men’s combined total: 330.46 Men’s short program: 112.72 Men’s free skate: 223.20

Lady’s combined total: 241.31 Lady’s short program: 80.85 Lady’s free skate: 160.46 

Owned by Yuzuru Hanyu and Evgenia Medvedeva respectively. 

This is explained in the actual anime, but program scores are calculated out of technical elements (set points for performing jumps and spins correctly, plus any additional marks for making them more difficult, and then minus any errors) and presentation scores. 

I’m not going to sit here and break down exactly what each score should be based on as we’d be here for hours, so honestly, just look at the Worlds results or something and base your scores from skaters at a similar level to whichever character you’re writing. 

Also a warning that scores used to be based from a mark out of six given by each judge for both technical merit and artistic merit, and changed to the current system in 2006. So if you want to write junior Vitya, you have to look into the old scoring. 

As for now, that’s all I have to say in terms of writing routines. I 100% will write a part two about the actual events, and the politics of skating etc. but this part is already getting long enough

Also just a disclaimer that I’m not a figure skater (unless you count the fact that I can do, like, one twizzle), nor am I some writing genius. I’m just a big consumer of wonderful fanfiction, and a longtime fan of skating, and was inspired to write this from the sheer amount of authors notes that read something like “please forgive me I don’t understand figure skating”. Some of this information could itself be wrong, so I’m not claiming this is 100% at all. It’s more just my advic

TL;DR? Just google it, don’t guess. 

[firestorm26621]

Top 10 of 2018

Disclaimer: The following are not what I think are the “best” movies of the year, at least not in the objective sense of the word. I’m not even entirely sure how one can judge “best” in an objective manner, or by what criteria that could be measured.  Competence in composition and construction, acting, design, music; these are all only parts of what makes a film connect with an audience, and some truly great films have few of these in any great quantities, while there are a good number of movies that are practically perfect films by these gauges which had very little impact on me personally.

So, setting all that aside, what follows are my top 10 films of 2018 only in the sense that they are films I personally enjoyed the most; be that by conjuring the biggest emotional reaction, making the biggest intellectual impact, or simply inspiring the greatest sense of wonderment and appreciative awe in me.  These sorts of things are not easily measurable and certainly aren’t objective, but I know what I like, and it’s these.

#10 – Free Solo

This one was a late and odd addition for me, being the most recently watched on this list (having seen it in January).  Documentaries, by and large, are always interesting to me, but I rarely walk away thinking they are great movies, as they usually have fascinating subjects but little in the way of actual narrative.  Won’t You Be My Neighbor, another great doc, is an example of this, as it is a fantastic look at a subject, but has very little narrative through-line.  

Free Solo, while it starts this way as a film that investigates a free solo climber (being a style of mountain climbing done without any ropes, and which often kills its practitioners), begins to focus in as it centers itself around one specific potential climb, a massive vertical mountainside in Yosemite that has a very high likelihood of killing him in the attempt.  

So, the film suddenly gains a very solid narrative, and begins exploring the questions surrounding it.  Is his new girlfriend really comfortable with his death-defying lifestyle?  Is the camera crew complicit is something morally questionable by filming this dangerous scenario?  Is this guy really ok, mentally speaking?  All of these come to a head in a breathtakingly beautiful yet terribly suspenseful climbing sequence that had me genuinely worried for a human life.

#9 – Isle of Dogs

I’ve always been fairly hit or miss on Wes Anderson, with much of his previous work heavy on deadpan twee sensibilities and light on actual deeper meaning.  Which is partially why 2014′s Grand Budapest Hotel knocked my socks off so hard; it had his pastel sense of style, but it was used to tell a story that hooked me with themes that spoke to me, and it was incredibly narratively satisfying.  

And while Isle of Dogs doesn’t quite hit those heights, it definitely feels like Wes Anderson is moving as a filmmaker into a place I can really dig into, where he engages the broader world and tackles heavier themes, like tribalism and alienation in this film.  Yes, the film is funny, with all its voice actors giving hilarious deadpan line deliveries, and yes, the animation is both stunning and impressive, with the film somehow looking both intentionally rough around the edges and meticulously crafted at the same time.

But beyond how impressive the look and how charming the style, it’s the story that really lands it here.  It uses these tools to tell a clever, touching, almost sci-fi story about our connections and the strength of relationships and full of what I read as strong allegories to our current political climate.  It manages to be both cute and deep, and connected with me on both of those levels.  

#8 – Searching

Yet another surprise, as I was expecting nothing out of this gimmicky looks thriller about a man whose daughter goes missing and his investigation to find her, all told through the screen of the computer he uses to do so.  This isn’t a new gimmick, with a handful of bad horror movies using it previously, but Searching is by a huge margin the best film to use it yet.  It starts with an immediately impacting, tragic montage, charting the evolution of a family as it progresses through a tragedy, all told through emails, computer calendars, YouTube clips, and various other computer programs.  As it progresses, it continues to use its premise to great effect; we see text messages begin to be typed, then deleted, then retyped.  It essentially uses these as character building tools, showing us as much about these characters as their actual words and action.

And then the mystery starts.  The film becomes something of a techno-thriller detective story, with John Cho giving a fantastically evolving performance (especially considering most of the performances involve primarily staring into various webcams).  The film presents the investigation with plenty of twists and turns as Cho’s character comes to learn more and more of his daughter's life, and as it does so, it builds to some surprisingly powerful emotional beats surrounding how this family has dealt with tragedy.  And sure, it may cheat a bit in its final moments, expanding its scope a bit beyond what could reasonably be found on a computer screen, but by then you’re fully bought in anyway, fully engrossed in a story that delivers far more than what was expected.

#7 – Mission: Impossible - Fallout

I love this series.  While the first two films waffled on what kind of films they wanted to be, starting with the third entry and onward they locked in; they were to be bombastic spy thrillers with action set pieces centered around Tom Cruise’ specific brand of almost manically enthusiastic daredevil stunt work.  And here, at the sixth entry, that focus has continued to be honed and adjusted.  Fallout is an entry that is defined by its set pieces; a “how did they shoot that?” one-take jump out of an airplane, a “ why did Cruise do that?” climb up a rope to a flying helicopter, a stunningly choreographed bathroom fight scene, and my personal favorite, a motorcycle chase through Paris that makes it very clear Cruise himself is putting his life on the line for these shots.

What’s crazy to me is that this isn’t even my favorite in the series; 2015′s Rogue Nation has a better story and Rebecca Ferguson’s Ilsa Faust has a far better supporting role in that one than any here (and weirdly enough, Nation was only an honorable mention in 2015, but that’s because it was a much stronger year for movies I loved).  Yet, while Fallout may not tell a better story, it is likely more memorable, as it presents a non-stop cavalcade of incredible action sequences and stunt work that are as thrilling as they are visually impressive.

#6 – Creed II

I had extremely high hopes for this one.  Creed was one of my favorite movies of 2015 (a strange commonality between this and Mission Impossible above), and was personally my favorite in the Rocky franchise (though whether the Rockys and the Creeds are the same franchise could be debated).  My excitement was tempered upon learning that Ryan Coogler wouldn’t be returning to the directors chair, and to be fair, some of that absence is evident, mostly in the boxing sequences that don’t have quite the same technical proficiency shown in the first film.  But beyond that minor quibble, this film is a more than worthy successor to the first.  

It has the same thematic depth; it has evolved its focus from choosing a family and letting that affect your personal identity to a focus on dedicating yourself to that family and the conflict between it and personal ambition or desire.   It has the same inspirational intensity; featuring a fight that inspires fear in Rocky and a prideful vengeance in Creed, before in the classic format of these films, the characters have to rebuild themselves to rise up.  And it has the same chemistry; all three leads are still fantastic, with more focus this time being given to Adonis and Bianca as they navigate building their own family alongside the inherently dangerous nature of Adonis’s profession.   All this ties together into a fantastic follow-up that builds upon the first film and continues this wonderfully dramatic saga.  

#5 – Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse

This was by far my biggest surprise of the year.  I expected nothing of this film, in fact, due to a clip of the film being shown as a stinger on Venom, I was fairly certain the movie wasn’t going to be very good.  It looked to be a slapstick cartoon comedy of a superhero film, and I wasn’t terribly excited for it.  Happily, however, I was very wrong.  So wrong, in fact, that I believe I can comfortably say this is my favorite Spider-Man film.  The film is stylish in a way few animated features have managed; the animation alone is impressive with its blend of modern cg and traditional hand drawn comic book accents, but it’s also got a soundtrack that is wholly rocking and tuned in to the story and character they are backing up.

The film is also hilarious; not only does the mentor/student relationship between Miles & Peter feature charming odd couple banter, the additions of the other spider-people make up a “motley crew” comedy style helped along by some excellent voice work (and special marks for the spot-on casting of Nic Cage as a noir-detective and John Mulaney as a talking pig).  Most shocking to me, however, was just how powerful the story was when it got into gear; the unusual animation style ends up working in tandem with the themes and narratives arcs the story is telling, and while yes, this is in fact another superhero origin story, Miles Morales coming into his own turned out to be one of the best coming of age stories I’ve seen in a long time.

#4 – A Quiet Place

I do love a good monster movie. Not only for the creativity in design choices and aesthetic that can be brought to make some fascinating creatures, but also in the themes, as in almost all the best monster flicks, the monster themselves are stand-ins for some other idea, something that scares us in a more abstract way.  In this case, that theme is very solidly established in the first few minutes: parenthood, and more specifically, the fear and stress of a parent trying to keep their child safe in a very dangerous world.

The first step in exploring this theme is a really solid chunk of world building; presenting a decidedly post-apocalyptic landscape where few humans remain, and those who do must live in silence to avoid detection by the otherwise blind creatures that destroyed the world.  To stack the deck even further, the film presents additional complications; a pregnant wife unclear how she’s going to give birth to a screaming baby without bringing danger, a deaf daughter who cannot hear when the creatures are about, and a father so focused on protecting his family that he shuts them out emotionally.

All this is built up over the first half of the film, and then starts a climax that last almost the full last half as the family has to face all these issues at once.  It’s fantastically tense, riveting horror even it’s rarely outright scary, and firmly establishes itself as one of the more inventive, well told monster stories out there.

#3 – Avengers: Infinity War

It’s difficult to gauge exactly why I love this movie.  Is it sheer comic-book fanboy glee that a story as iconic and beloved as Infinity War was actually adapted for the big screen?  Is it the appreciation of the massive feat that this film represents, bringing together over 20 superheroes from across 18 films together into one story?  Is it the fun of seeing all these superheroes actually interact with each other? Or hell, is it just a really entertaining summer blockbuster?  The answer is obviously some combination of all of these, but I’m still months later having some trouble actually processing it all.

To be clear, it is a great superhero movie; despite one odd sequence aboard a space station with an odd performance choice from Peter Dinklage, the rest of the film is a propulsive journey that cleverly combines and separates its many heroes on to various paths that still interact and matter to each other narratively.  It features action sequence to match, filled with more jaw dropping moments and impressive fight scenes than I can easily count.  

The biggest question I still have is whether this a great movie on its own, taken out of the context of the 18 films that came before it.  And while I don’t think it would be as enjoyable outside of that context, and I’m not even sure it could exist without it, I do still think the answer is yes, and that mostly comes down to its villain.  Thanos is, on his own, a great character, and so much of the movie revolves around his ideology, his plan, and his motivations that it can be and has been argued that Infinity War is actually his movie, thematically speaking.  He is the character with the most traditional arc, down to an ending that shockingly belongs to him as well.  And  while the full story may not yet be concluded, it will be tough to top this achievement of a superhero movie.

#2 – Bad Times at the El Royale

This is definitely a personal pick that I doubt will end up on anyone else’s top 10 this year, but I really did love this movie.  Landing somewhere between Hitchcock and Tarantino, it’s a fantastic thriller that consistently surprises throughout.  To start with, it has a fantastic cast, and they are all absolutely bringing their A-game.  It features Jeff Bridges as a priest suffering from memory issues, Jon Hamm as a sleazy fast-talking salesman, Dakota Johnson as a catty and standoffish hippy, Chris Hemsworth as a maniacal cult leader, and standout newcomer (to me at least) Cynthia Erivo as a subdued but ambitious soul singer.  All of these are rich, deep characters, helped along by dialogue that is witty and engrossing, sounding very Tarantino-esque. And that dialogue often plays around with the fact that all of these characters, across the board, have secrets.

Which brings us to the story, which is where the Hitchcock comparison comes in.  The story at first appears to be a bottle movie, taking place almost entirely within the titular hotel The El Royale.  However, at some point the story begins to shift, both showing us backstories in flashbacks and shifting whose point of view we see the events of the story from.  It leads to a twisty plot that keeps us on edge throughout, sometimes unsure of just where it’s going, but it always pays out for the attention and patience it requires.  And it’s all backed up by an amazing period perfect soundtrack full of soul music that really helps accentuate the narrative.

It all adds up to one of my favorite mystery thrillers in a long, long time.  It’s a genre that is done very often, and more often than not quite badly, so seeing one that is not only an engrossing mystery but relentlessly entertaining counts for a whole lot, to the point where it was almost my favorite movie of the year.

#1 – Annihilation

I am a sucker for a good hard science fiction movie, and it’s a genre that has had an amazing few years.  Ex Machina, Arrival, and Blade Runner 2049 have been some amazing entries, and Annihilation is now another.  These films are great because they are not only about deep, intellectual topics, they explore them in intriguing ways that are equally deep; they are movies that are best served by revisiting multiple times and by discussing them and reading about them afterward, worthy of further reflection and study.  That said, to be a great movie, it also has to be entertaining, and all of these do that in spades as well.

Narratively, Annihilation is about a mysterious dome of energy that is causing odd biological phenomena, and the squad of ladies who go in to investigate it, despite the fact that no one else who has gone in has every come out, including our main characters husband.  Thematically, however, it’s about self destruction, of the natural and biological variety as well as that within the human condition, and its cyclical relationship with creation.  The film constantly presents imagery of rampant creation, including plants and animals blending, a landscape that bleeds into time and the thoughts and memories of those in it, and the most terrifying creature of the year in the rotting bear monster that seems to absorb the last moments of those it kills.  It contrasts against that backdrop its characters, who are all in some way, both voluntarily and involuntarily, self-destructing, and asks what the reactions to each might be.

And while I have a distinct interpretation of what its ultimate message is, I have read and watched many other interpretations that are just as valid and just as interesting.  It’s the kind of film that is far more than its face value, whose intellectual nooks can be found the more you think about it, and I have found myself thinking about it quite a bit since seeing it for the first time.  And for that, I am very grateful, not only for it expanding my conceptions, but for being a touchstone of a philosophical topic I never would have given much thought to.  And for all that, it is my favorite movie of the year.

Runners-Up:

Eighth Grade - A nice sister piece to Boyhood, it’s a more focused, comedic, and stylized counterpart that brilliantly gets inside the head of a girl in a near constant struggle with navigating her emotional state, her social skills, and her world shifting under her.

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs - An anthology film that breaks the western down into component pieces to tell masterfully constructed, beautiful, brutal, tragic, and often bizarre tales that bring as much melancholy as delight.

Won't You Be My Neighbor? - A heartfelt, impacting, poignant, powerful look at the life long mission of Fred Rogers to spread love and acceptance, and the obstacles and internal motivations that drove it.