#(pain isnt even that bad its just the normal amount of pain. but its always annoying)

[saltedsolenoid]

[lemonlovemeanslove]

me and a friend of mine were sharing abuse stories, but the amount of shame and denial of abuse in our community is like so extreme but anyways she said to me sorry if you tell me something insane that happened to you and I dont react, its not that I dont think its bad, or awful or wrong, its just that im so used to hearing about this stuff, so i dont really react anymore, bc im kinda expecting it already, im working on it. And it made me stop bc I too am so guilty of this.

Almost everyone in my surroundings have had bad homelife, or been the victims of some kind of abuse, and rather than all sharing and empathizing with each other, we further normalize it amongst each other, we say well what did you expect? or my parents would have killed me lol! (and yes, I know some girls whos parents have out right said that they will murder them, no joke, if they bring shame to the family) or we say well wouldnt most parents react like that? As if its was casual. but its not casual. these things have hurt us deeply, it so, so, so painful to be betrayed by your parents over and over and over. But at a certain point, it becomes your life, and you notice, that this is also the life of all the people around you. and you start to think, yeah, this is wrong, but its also kinda just how things are, this is just life. But it isnt. People choose to hurt you, they choose, they see how they hurt you, but they always think thier own peice of mind, or reasoning, is worth whatever hurt they put you thorugh. even as im writing this, im going, why am i complaining? I dont have it THAT bad. I shouldnt even post this, i dont have it that bad. I want to escape this mindset and I dont know how. I dont know how.

[roughentumble]

ok so the premise goes like this

geralt puts some mushrooms in his stew one night, jaskier eats it, gets a horrible stomach ache, is up all night puking.

geralt didnt mean to, ofc, but he stays up all night caring for jaskier, and he's so soft and sweet and pliant and needy, he needs geralt, seeks out his love and affection, finds comfort in him. something about the mushrooms, when he vomits it smells sickly-sweet, and all night his skin is pale in the moonlight but his cheeks are flushed, his eyes are dewy, he-- he looks gorgeous.

it sortve breaks something, in geralt's brain, to be so thoroughly needed and comforting to someone so beautiful. it's... unforgivable, evil, to take advantage of jaskier like that, he knows it is. yet still, he files away what the mushroom looked like, what its side effects are, looks it up in books about herbology. too many stomach aches lead to ulcers, too much vomiting bad for the teeth and the throat, vomit too long and you get dehydrated-- but surely... just once or twice a year, well..... thats normal. that's a normal amount to be ill, perhaps.

he stays away from effects bad enough to induce vomiting. it's too extreme, too dangerous, and not the part he's looking for anyway. just enough to ache, enough to cause upset that needs to be soothed and rubbed away. for years, he keeps it up, one night each year. and jaskier curses himself, and his constitution, writhing in pain, but he bares his stomach to geralt willingly, and it nearly makes geralt dizzy, because jaskier TRUSTS him. geralt reaches a hand down, rubbing and soothing the cramped, aching muscles, and jaskier relaxes at his touch, looks at him and doesnt see a threat, sees a protector. and not just a protector, but a comfort. he gets a look in his eye, sometimes, that geralt cant identify. but then he curls a little closer, and geralt pets his hair in comfort, and his shoulders ease as the last bits of pain and tension melt away. geralt cant ask about it without revealing the game, so he doesnt.

eventually, he invites jaskier to kaer morhen, and moves over to the Event happening exclusively within castle walls. it's safest there, after all, and there's always a warm bed for jaskier to get cuddled in. jaskier's comfort in his discomfort is key. he doesnt have to worry about his fellow witchers finding out either, because jaskier blames his constitution at this point, and geralt (and therefore the other witchers) are able to eat the mushrooms with no ill effect. it seems perfect.

jaskier finds out, eventually. up in kaer morhen, safe for the season but also stuck, trapped together. (there hadnt been opportunities that year to subtly slip anything into the food when geralt was on cooking duty. they were coming up on spring, running out of time, so instead of just waiting, geralt decides to reheat some leftover soup in their room, in the fireplace, use the excuse of a midnight snack of sorts. jaskier sees him slipping in the mushrooms, and somehow, after all these years, recognizes it. it feels like there's a lead weight in geralt's stomach as jaskier puts the pieces together, eyes wide with rage and horror. "every year-- every year i get sick." he says, like everything suddenly makes sense-- probably because it does.) incandescent with fury, he demands to know why geralt would poison him. geralt isnt forthcoming with excuses, but when he's pushed he breaks down, says its inexcusable, says he knows what he did was bad(to say the least), but that he did it because jaskier needed him. he was beautiful and sweet and needed him. "i wanted to-- to hold you. to comfort you. in the sickest, most twisted way possible, i- i wanted to... i dont know... nurse you back to health."

jaskier's hands are shaking. "you-- you... what, wanted me to... to get better? be ill so you could fix me?" geralt shrugs. his eyes are trained on the floor. he's crossed so many lines he doesnt know where to even begin listing them, knows they'll part ways in the spring and never see each other again, is about to promise to stay as far away as he can while theyre trapped in the keep, when--

jaskier, after pacing back and forth endlessly, fury slowly melting away to some sort of grim resolve, sits down in front of the hearth, and pours himself a bowl. geralt shouts, to stop him, but jaskier tells him to shut up, and he does. jaskier starts the bowl, then finishes it. asks if another bowl would be safe, and geralt quietly responds that yes, its safe, he'll just be sore for longer, and he nods(apparently satisfied) and pours himself a half-bowl, finishes that too. geralt is too mystified to speak up for a long while, until he finally asks "you arent... mad?"

"oh i am." jaskier assures him. gets up, walks across the room, sets himself down in geralt's lap. but not sexy, exactly-- he sits sideways, curls his knees up to his chest to snuggle in close. "extremely mad. you're going to have to do a lot to make it up to me-- especially when im extra sore tomorrow... perhaps even help me with a bath." geralt sucks in a shocked breath, and jaskier nuzzles up under his chin.

"did i ever tell you much about my childhood?" geralt shakes his head, and jaskier starts playing with the material of his shirt. "my mother didnt really raise me. i was mostly handed off to a wet nurse. but i-- they werent... good at keeping help. high turnover rate. so i had more than one over the years, never really... got to get properly attached... and i-- i remember, when i was very little, i would get sick and i would want my mother-- i'd ask for my mother-- but she'd never come."

he sniffles a bit. clings to geralt's shirt. "you're going to have to do so much to make up for this. you're going to dote on me, and comfort me, and-- and--" his voice gets very small, and very sad, a frightened, trembling thing-- "and you wont leave me, will you?" he asks, and geralt makes a noise in the back of his throat, wraps his arms around jaskier and holds him tight, and jaskier relaxes in his grip.

"we're talking about this tomorrow. a very, very big, ongoing, gigantic conversation. but... but for now... well. we always have a fun night before the aching starts, so i want to spend my night how i normally do."

just to sate his own curiosity, he does eventually ask geralt about it, and geralt explains why only once a year, how he decided on dosing, what side effects he looks out for, explains about ulcers and throats and teeth. and jaskier sinks into his grip, inexplicably enamored with this odd, violating conversation. "wow, you really put a lot of thought into this, hmm? you know, there are some sick, twisted people out there who wouldnt have been able to resist. they wouldve made me sicker and sicker, never wouldve given a thought to any lasting consequences..." he's tracing little hearts on geralt's chest as he speaks.

"never," geralt says vehemently, "never. you have to get better, i would never permanently hurt you. i have to fix you, comfort you, not destroy you."

"my sweet geralt-- you know just how to care for me, dont you?" he says, and it practically makes geralt moan. jaskier smiles like the cat who caught the canary.

turns out theyre both fucked up in similar ways-- geralt needs to be needed, needs to be the source of someone's comfort, needs opportunities to be caring and gentle and attentive. and jaskier needs to be the center of attention, needs to be loved on, needs to be given comfort, needs someone to need. there's an element of control, too, sortve. geralt decides when it happens, how bad it is, and he tries hard not to abuse that now he's been given permission(though how much of an excuse is that, considering how the game started?). he fiddles with the recipe to see what works best, pays close attention to jaskier's schedule to make sure there are never conflicts. geralt's the one who makes him feel better, after all. you've got to trust your doctor. total trust

its weird, and fucked up, and once they agree on terms(jaskier insisted on negotiations that geralt agrees to instantly. terrified of losing jaskier, of paying in his eyes the ultimate price for his crimes. he was moments from sinking to his knees and pleading forgiveness when jaskier had prevented that by sinking into his lap.) jaskier gives himself over to it, never fights it, lets himself be forced into illness and bedrest, revels in geralt's big, gentle hands soothing his aches, love so sweet and reassuring and unconditional that eventually in his worst nightmares he finds he doesnt reach for his mother-- he reaches for geralt.

and when he admits this, he can see in geralt's eyes theres this wild, crazy spark, something about being that important. its heady

its maybe not Right, but they figure it out together

[goremet-chef]

trying to control my emotions is so difficult man, like i can be honest with myself and lay out the whole truth, but that little voice inside me will always be like "okay, but what if we dont know the whole truth? what if something happened we dont know about and our fear is completely warranted?"

its sad because its not like.. the 'little voice' isnt an alter or something, its just ME. i bring myself so much misery, i feel so ashamed. i cant believe im our host. i bring all of us down, and im not even being dramatic or anything, i genuinely do. im selfish, and my method of coping with reality is to LEAVE it, when someone else fronts im biting my lip waiting to crawl back into front and take me out of here. i stop our social alters from even ATTEMPTING to be social because im too scared of the consequences (even if its just part of life, it rips my soul apart to be rejected, im so tired of being seen as weird)

its honestly kind of impressive, but despite all this fear that ties me down to the floor, i cant i CAN NOT ask if somethings wrong

i cant do it, because thats admitting defeat. thats me saying 'yeah ill be honest im sure nothing has happened on your end, but ive been drowning myself in anxiety and i need validation that my fear is for nothing like how you probably think it is'

i cant keep doing that. i hate being such a piece of work!!!! its never simple with me, everythings always fine until it literally isnt. ive convinced myself my friends, my closest bestest best besties, ALL hate me and ive been so depressed only for them to act completely normal and then i realize oh actually they dont and i was sad for nothing :] okay!

like. i just.

the last time i was ever open about how i was feeling, was when i was in contact with my groomer. i loved him i think, and i felt like i should be open with him, because he was my FP and the amount of crying i did every day was so pathetic

that was when i learned i had bpd and thats why i acted the way i did, and so i tried to be more open about it because i heard that i should and it would be good for my relationships, but all it did was make him tired with me, tired that i was constantly scared and asking if he still liked me

that was a bad time for me, i cant ignore that. being in constant contact with him was basically just giving me trauma every single day. my system was SO active trying to manage the stress, it was bad. i cant just blame myself for how i was acting, because it was a terrible horrible situation that i dont wish on anyone else, but man i wish i did things different

but like?? its like no matter the option i pick, its still the same!!! different outcome but shitty nonetheless

do i open up and tell the people i love that oh actually im really scared and im constantly afraid you dont love me anymore? or do i just. sit with the pain.

if i tell them, best case they tell me 'no dom, we still love you' and thats that, worst case they get annoyed with me, they see me as too much to handle, they pity me because something is clearly wrong with me

if i dont, then i do exactly what i do now, which is just wallowing in self hate and loneliness for 3 whole days, waiting for something thats not gonna happen because i havent fucking COMMUNICATED that i want it

i think technically, being open is the way to go. if i hadnt been stuck in such a shitty situation with a person like BRIAN then i wouldve probably seen better outcome. im open that i have BPD, so people should be aware what theyre getting into. if they stay despite knowing, they care about me, i know this is true. a lot of people book it once they hear you have any sort of cluster-b personality disorder because they immediately assume yr some kind of abuser, so this already is a good thing that i have people open enough to not immediately classify me as one and run

i just get scared like. what if i ask if somethings wrong and something IS wrong?? what if its my fault? id be so ashamed in myself. i dont have enough experience in human interaction to know how to fully like. handle that situation, the unknown outcome is what scares me the most

[hoonhrt]

ENHYPEN WHEN THEY’RE SICK

: pairing — sick boyfriend! enhypen x reader

: genre — so soft :( (maybe angsty??)

: warnings —  mentions of vomiting and being ill 

: a/n — i started school again after my break so i’ve been so caught up trying to focus on it :(

･:*:･ﾟ☆ heeseung

he’d be coughing and sniffling the night before and when you ask him he is feeling sick he’d very dramatically say:

“absolutely not! i have like the strongest immune system ever baby i cant believe you’d question MY immune system”

he woke up the next morning with a full blown fever.

HED BE SO WHINY :((

wants you to lay next to you all day long csuse he claims you are his “human furnace”

croaks from your shared bedroom when you get up to get medicine and some hot soup

only agrees to take the medicine if you feed him

once he does take the medicine, he sits there with his mouth open so you can feed him his food

you just stare at him the whole time like 😐😐 am i taking care of my boyfriend or a child 😐😐

he’s staring at you like 🥺🥺🥺 cause he’s so thankful to have you in his life

he squirms into your arms and hides his face in the crook of your neck, already feeling better as you play with his hair

leaves little kisses on your neck as his way to thank you for taking care of him

･:*:･ﾟ☆ jay

tries to convince you he is okay #1

“no angel! i’m okay it’s nothing okay i’m fine psshhh no worries”

doesn’t work as you woke up from his loud coughs in the middle of the night :(

he is very stubborn and continues you to insist that he is okay and that he can take care of himself (he just doesn’t wanna burden you)

everytime you say you’re gonna go do something for him he tries to protest saying he is fine but than starts coughing up a storm

spends the whole day with a pout on his face cause he doesn’t want you to waste your day taking care of him

sucks to be him tho cause you’ll do anything for mr. jay park!

i remember someone said that when jay is feeling ill, his emotions tend to exaggerate

like he’ll feel pain in his throat but will claim his entire body hurts and he cannot move a muscle... (it’s okay it’s just the sickness getting to him)

all he wants to do is cuddle next to you and sleep

like he’ll ask for massages or even random things like piece of cake from the bakery downstairs and you go do it cause your poor boy is feeling down and you wanna see him happy :((

pays you back by buying you new things and spending all that lost time doing anything you want to do (even if it means watching a movie he despises)

･:*:･ﾟ☆ jake

NAAAUUURRR i’m gonna cry just thinking about sick little jake

his eyes are wide and glossy the whole time and his lips are pursed out into a little pout

baby hates being sick cause then he can’t go out and do fun things with you!

DEMENDS cuddles and kisses.

like i think he’ll cry if you leave his side

even if it’s for his own benefit, he clings to you like a little koala

lowkey a little dramatic, acts like his dying

“baby i think this is my last day... pls tell layla i love her” and you’re like What About Me.

you pour him the liquid medicine on to a spoon and give it to him yourself

gets so giddy and smiles at you like a goof afterwards

you bring the back of your palm to his forehead and go “you’re so hot omg”,,, he proceeds to say “i know i am babe you don’t have to tell me twice ��” BOOYYY

treats you like a little teddy bear and holds you super super close to his body!!

pays you back by taking care of you the later week when you’re sick

･:*:･ﾟ☆ sunghoon

the only one actually capable of taking care of himself 

he just seems very normal when he is sick 

like he can definitely be on his own 

lowkey doesn’t want you around so you dont get sick 

but you are very stubborn and you stay there to take care of him 

which he appreciates cause he likes being coddled a little bit hehe 

it honestly just feels like a regular, stay at home day with him aside from the fact he is violently coughs every 30 minuets next to you 

the only thing he wants from you is that you let him lay on your lap and you play with his hair 

which you do ofc and he is just simply so happy from that 

falls asleep in your lap cause its so therapeutic

“mmmm feel so nice honey” he slurs very sleepily 

nuzzles his face into your stomach, searching for warmth :((( 

you press little kisses around his face while he sleeps and he starts to blush but you can’t tell cause you think its just his face burning up from being sick (thank god it would’ve embarrassed him so bad if you found out it was from little kisses)    

brings you flowers and gives you endless amount of cuddles as his way to thank you :(( 

･:*:･ﾟ☆ sunoo

boyfriend or child you can’t tell #2

will WHINE SO LOUD if you try to leave his side 

“Y/NNNNN NOOOOO you can’t go~ its so cold~ im gonna freeze to death if you go~” “sunoo i need to get you medici-” “NOOOOOOO” 

REFUSES to take his medicine 

will turn his head the other way with a pout on his face and stubbornly shake his head 

you have to pursued him with food and kisses in order for him to actually take it 

takes the medicine but gags while taking it 

“wheres my cuddles huh 😐” 

so so so clingy :( he is pretty much on your entire lap with his head laid across your shoulder and his arms wrapped around your neck 

sunoo wouldn’t be very sleepy but he would be very quiet (which makes you sad cause youre sunny is always so talkative), so he spends this time listening to you and all the things you wanna talk about 

you guys watch movies together the whole day 

wants you to leave kisses on his cheeks cause it makes him feel better 

he pouts at you while you laugh at him when you feed him snacks 

buys you all the snacks you could dream of when he is feeling better <33 

･:*:･ﾟ☆ jungwon 

tries to convince you he is fine #2

but wakes you up in the middle of night cause he threw up :(( 

he gets teary eyed cause he doesn’t wanna burden you but at the same time it hurts so bad 

whimpers so much :(( 

he wants to be held so much, he is attached to you the entire time 

you wipe his face with cold towels to bring down his high body temperature down and push back his bangs with so much care and love 

“thank you y/n” he speaks so softly before letting out a huge sniffle 

jungwon falls in love with you so much more

like he didnt think he could but some how you have managed to make him fall in love with you again 

really likes it when you pet his head and massage his temples 

he clings to you so much that he just follows you around like a little puppy 

you guys watch romance movies together to distract him from the pain 

will never give you a hard time like if you ask him to sit up and drink his water or take his medicine he’ll do it right away no questions asked 

mainly cause he wants to get better quickly so he can spend more time with you doing more interesting things 

thanks you by taking on a cute little picnic date the week after :( 

･:*:･ﾟ☆ ni-ki

sleep. all he will do is sleep. 

he doesnt care about anything else except for that fact that he wants to sleep 

sprawls his entire body on top of yours 

he literally traps your body so you cant get out 

you have to physically push him off of you which isnt a problem cause he is in such a deep sleep 

and when he wakes up and you ARENT by his side, he gets very whiny 

“Y/NNNN why’d you leave me ☹️” 

very grumpy 

you laugh at this which makes him even more grumpy 

how cute 

ni-ki is honestly very frustrated that 1) he can’t go to practice and dance with his cheery personality and 2) he can’t kiss you!!!! (this is what is the most important to him) 

so he just whines all day 

whines when you tell him you have to take medicine 

whines when you try to get him to sit up and eat 

whines when you aren’t cuddling him 

so pls cuddle the poor boy <//3 

LOVES BACK RUBS 

your cool hand against his warm back makes him sigh out loud 

pays you back be giving you endless hugs, kisses and letting you win in games <//3 

[stanurines1mp]

Poison Me

Pairing: Shigure Sohma x Fem!Reader (she/her)

type: angst + slightly mature themes

an: im back eheheh. anyways, here is a short oneshot i wrote for one of the worst people to ever exist in the fictional world. He's literally so hot but goddamn this man is a walking red flag. i hate him but like i love him??? i feel like it cud be better. like, this isnt my best writing but this is just a short idea i had last night. also please interact thank you :) enjoy :) any requests, let me know :)

warnings: mature themes (no actual sex(?) but def close(?)), angst, shigure being the manipulative and toxic mf that he is, praise kink(in a sexual but also sad way(?)), shigure is a pretty shit person but thats not off-character. that's all? let me know if I missed anything. if you're not comfortable with mature themes, please don't read it! thank you :)

~~~

"I love you," the words slipped out of his lips in a grunt.

Liar.

You're such a liar, Shigure.

You always lie.

I love you, I love you, I love you...

But you actually don't.

You don't even remember how you met Shigure Sohma but you did. And because of that, you are now stuck in an endless cycle of pain. All because you couldn't let him go.

It should have been so simple. You knew the agonizing truth. You knew, he knew, everyone knew...

Yet why is it that you just refused to let go of him?

What about him kept you so addicted?

Was it because of his good looks?

As handsome as he was, that wasn't the reason.

You knew the poison he fed you were the words of his lies. That was the poison that's ruining your life, even now.

His poison wasn't deadly but its harm caused you pain more than any real poison would. It kept you just at the edge of life, not really killing you just yet. And honestly, you'd rather die than have to taste his poison again.

But his poison was addicting just as it was intoxicating.

There was no way you could ever actually leave him.

"You're so pretty, Y/N."

"You're so sweet, Y/N."

"Always so good, Y/N."

Even if you knew they were lies, you still couldn't get enough of them. It's like the tiniest amount of attention he graced you with overpowers all the pain he's putting you through.

He always knew how to make you feel good. Whether with his words or actions, he just knew how to string you along like a puppet.

And you succumbed your limbs to him. Your soul gets devoured by his cruelty disguised as kindness.

Even now, the reason you're currently under him, clothes discarded somewhere in the room, body vulnerable under his touch, was because you couldn't escape his poison.

In fact, you longed for it. And he was always there.

For someone who was never there, he was always there.

The night started normally. You had to go to work in the morning, a usual daily routine for you. Nothing bad happened. Really, nothing bad at all.

Nothing unusual, nothing out of the ordinary. Except when you suddenly thought of him. But to be honest, even that wasn't unusual.

You missed him.

You missed his words.

You missed his comfort.

You missed his touch.

You missed him.

So after work, you went back home. Again, so normal, so mundane. You were finishing dinner when your phone suddenly started ringing. Your eyes brightened up at the same time your heart mellowed. All because of the name displayed on your screen.

Shigure Sohma.

Swiping right, you answered his call. You gulped, bracing yourself for another night of torment alongside his company.

"Hey, pretty angel," his cheery voice passed through the line.

"Hey, Gure," you answered normally.

"How was your day, sweets?" He asked, so caring and kind.

As if you actually fucking care, Shigure.

But wasn't that sweet of you to ask me, Shigure.

"It was fine. Normal," you replied, trying your best to show that you don't care.

"Come over, Y/N. I miss you so much," he sweet-talked. "I couldn't stop thinking about you," he added.

You missed me?

Did you really miss me, Shigure?

Or did you just miss my body?

"I miss you too, Gure," you couldn't help but smile as you uttered those words.

"So you'll come see me, angel?" His tone sounded so hopeful.

Like he actually did miss you.

Like he actually did want you.

And maybe he did.

Because as he made love to you, he managed to give you what you needed.

"Yeah," you breathed out. "You know I could never say no to you."

"Hmm, that is true," he hummed lowly. "Right! Guess I'll see you later. Look pretty, princess," he added the last sentence with a sultry tone, proving easily what he wanted from you that night.

And what he wanted, he took.

That's how you ended up under him for God knows how many times even after you swore not to end up there anymore. His name left your lips like an unholy prayer.

And it was the same for him. His dirty words clouded the room as he claimed your body as his again and again and again and again.

"Always so fucking good for me, Y/N."

Don't wanna disappoint you, Shigure.

"Fuck, just like that, Y/N."

I'm glad you like me.

"You're doing so well, pretty girl."

You really think I'm pretty?

"Always know how to make me cum, angel."

Only me?

"I fucking love you so much, my good fucking girl."

Liar.

You've always been a liar, Shigure.

But please don't stop.

Please lie to me, Shigure.

Lie to me.

"Was that good, Gure?" You hummed against his bare chest.

"Yeah," he stroked your hair, providing further comfort.

I'm glad you liked it.

Such an innocent action for such a cruel man. Yet you couldn't help but fall into his arms. Fall for his words.

You laid on his chest, your arms wrapped around his neck while he held you. Even if you knew that he lacked any care for you, you couldn't help but focus on the fact that he was holding you.

And the warmth he radiated, God, why couldn't he just love you?

Your face was buried in the crook of his neck, hiding from his eyes. You couldn't look at his face. If you did, you'd just kiss him.

"You don't love me, do you?" You spoke, pushing your face deeper into his neck.

Silence.

"You could never love me. You only love her," you whispered, loud enough for him to hear.

You could feel Shigure's body tense under your touch. Wasn't that proof enough that you were right?

But you didn't even need that. You've seen her around before.

You've seen the picture frames scattered around Shigure's house. Pictures of them together sometimes with others, sometimes just them two. And you've certainly seen the way he looks at her.

Love.

That's what it was.

What you needed from him, he gave it to her.

Akito was beautiful, that wasn't even a question. And her years with Shigure were longer and more fulfilling than your time with him.

And you knew the only reason he was with you was because he couldn't have her.

You didn't know why but you didn't care much, either. Because he wanted you. And just like a stupid doll, you gave yourself to him.

Your soul, your smile, your body, your heart...

In turn, all you received was his poison.

"Isn't that true, Shigure?" You gulped, finally lifting your head up to see him.

Once again, silence.

But you knew you made a mistake of seeing him.

Just like you expected, the only thing you found yourself wanting to do was kiss him. You adjusted your body on his, your face the same level as his.

His lips were inviting and his eyes were so fucking gorgeous, you couldn't resist even if you wanted to.

And you really wanted to.

But again, you didn't want to look away from such a pretty face.

"Yes, it's true," he answered with a straight face, eyes staring back at you.

"Praying for your love is useless," you mumbled, eyes flickering from his own orbs to his lips.

Leaning in, you gave him a sloppy kiss. One that would certainly lead you back to the start of the night. But you didn't care.

Because he kissed you back.

"Yeah," he breathed against your lips, hands beginning to roam your naked body.

"Push me away," you begged, your fingers finding comfort between his dark locks.

Even as you said those words, you were still kissing him. And he was still kissing you back.

"Please, Gure," you begged breathlessly, feeling engulfed in the way he was leaving kisses down your neck. "Fuck," you moaned out softly as his lips tuckered that one spot that he knew drove you crazy. "Push me away."

Stopping you from saying and doing anything else, Shigure pushed his body off his bed. Your body was flipped to be under him, completely vulnerable and naked for him.

Just for him.

Just how he liked it.

Just how you liked it.

His left hand was next to your body, providing him support to loom over you. His right hand was pinning both your wrists over your head and against the silk sheets of his bed.

His head dipped down to meet yours, soft lips enveloped in a passionate kiss that lacked true passion.

"Do you want to push me away?" He breathlessly whispered against your lips, his hips grinding against yours, causing friction between your bare skin against his.

"N-No," you sighed. "Never," you added.

"Good girl," he grinned against the kiss before lowering his head to your neck, leaving more and more kisses. "You're mine, aren't you, angel?"

Yes, Shigure.

Always just for you.

So please, Shigure.

Please keep on lying to me.

Please lie to me.

Feed me your poison until eventually, it takes over me, Shigure.

Let me die by the lies behind your sweet words.

Please tell me you love me.

Please tell me you want me.

Poison me.

[honeypirate]

Easy Living pt one

Part two

Obi Akitaru x fem!reader

The one where reader almost dies.

Warning- blood. Swearing. Trauma from getting hurt while working. Obi figuring out slowly how he feels.

Part two reader puts on a surprise concert. I don’t know why I add music to so many fics I write lmao. I also write reader getting hurt a lot I think but oh well. Sorry if this is too much like my other one or if Obi is ooc. I’m still learning 🙈

Part two also has a bonus if the ducky explanation

Your boss. He was your boss. You knew how cliche this was, but it didnt help you at all. Didnt stop the way your heart fluttered around him or the way his teasing felt like flirting. There was no way he was flirting with you and you knew that! So you just pretended like everyhting was fine, shoving your feelings as far down as you could and putting the lid on them, gluing, locking, putting everything you could think of to keep those feelings in.

Technically he was your boss because he was the captain, but really, you knew him when you were just fire fighters. you were friends before he was even your boss but still, you were unsure how that affects interpersonal office dating.

Thinking about this whole situation is what got you into the mess you were in, but even now, leaning against the side of a burning building as a metal rod sticks out of your shoulder, you couldnt help but think of Obi.

White clad and infernals, a normal tuesday, you ran into the garage and started quickly pulling on your pants and jacket. Obi comes in half a second after you, sliding into place in his cubby next to yours as he hops into his boots and pants. “Ready for this Ducky?” he says and you roll your eyes “when will you drop the duck thing? Shit Obi its been years.” you say as you throw on your jacket “never” he mutters into your ear, his breath making you shiver as it hit your ear. Good thing he didnt notice since shinra pops up “what about a duck?” he asks and you sigh “i’ll tell you later” you say as you all rush into the matchbox, of course landing you into sitting beside Obi. you really felt like a matchstick in this cramped car, but your heart was warmed becaue it wasnt always this full.

You got separated right off the bat. A white clad successfully drawing you out and leading you down back alleyways. You beat him, quickly you might add, but he was able to make an infernal, releasing a bug while you weren’t paying attention, for the split moment you got distracted thinking if Obi was okay. The infernal took out the building behind you and sent shrapnel going everywhere. Shrapnel like the metal rod currently attaching you to the wall of the next building which was currently blazing.

“Okay. think y/n. If you pull yourself off you could bleed out. You could use your flames to burn the wound but not on the exit wound. Fuck. what do i do here? i cant just stay here please think” you feel yourself get light headed, a wave of strange tingles hitting your body as your blood pours out of you, you can feel it running down your chest and back and pooling in your left boot. It squishes when you move your toes. “Fuck!” you shouted. Your only choice is to pull yourself off of it and since you’re bleeding so much you doubt it’s even tampering off anything and maybe it’ll be okay. Hopefully. Probably. I guess you’ll see.

You felt your tears start to flow from the pain but the fire was moving closer as it raged through the building, making your back feel warm. You could hear people shouting far away but you could tell they were all civilians, you didn’t recognize anything that could be your team. You were too far lost down back alleys to be found easily so you had to work fast.

You took a deep breath and ripped off your glove. “Please, if there is a higher power, dont let me die” you whisper before you shove your glove between your teeth to bite down on as you whine, throwing a mini tantrum because you really didn’t want to do this but your back was starting to burn now from the flames on the other side of the wall, the wood cracking right by your ears. Burn to death or bleed to death? What a decision. What a shitty hand you have been dealt today.

You count down in your head from five and when you get to one you’re screaming and pushing your body forward, gritting down on the glove in your mouth. The metal tears more and more of your shoulder as you pull, you feel blood pouring more down your shoulder, warm and causing you to get goosebumps from the heat. When youre free your glove falls from your teeth as you gasp for air and fall to your knees.

“mother fucker” you whispered and then then mustered up the rest of your strength to use your second gen powers, pulling the fire that's all around you to just hold a small ball in your hand. You tear off your jacket and push down your jumpsuit sleeve, your tank top sleeve underneath torn away and ripped because of the metal rod. You scream out as you try to push the fire into your skin but you cant, you cant physically put yourself through any other amount of pain. You start to sob, you were so scared, you’ve never seen this amount of blood before and it’s your blood which makes it even worse. You discard your helmet, then you pull yourself to your feet, your knees wobbling for a moment before you take off running, using your last energy to make it back to your team.

“y/n?” arthur is asking when he sees you pop out from the alleyway “Arthur please” you sob, your voice breaking from the pain and from your fears “you have to, you have to burn it okay?” hes voicing his confusion but when you turn and he sees all the blood he’s quiet and starts to run towards you “you have to, to stop the bleeding. Please” you say as you try and take a step towards him but falling to your knees.

“I cant. I tried to burn it myself, but i had to pull myself off and i couldn't- i couldnt do it. but you have to! okay Arthur? Use your sword. You have to stop the bleeding or i will die” you say, your body shaking as you reach for him, your hands covered in your own blood and shaking uncontrollably “ I cant burn you y/n. I cant” he says, his voice cracking. seeing you covered in so much blood freaked him out. You growl, getting annoyed with the pain and fear now “ARTHUR DO IT NOW! A TRUE KNIGHT would save their friend” you say, your energy begin to fail as you another wave of lightheadedness hits you and he screams before he places his sword against your wound and ignites his plasma.

Your screaming is what attracted Obi, he heard your blood curtling screams and took off running. You sounded so close you must be just a street away. He pops out to see Arthurs plasma disappear and hes filled with anger “Arthur what did you do?!” he shouts as he runs towards you. “I didnt do anything she didnt ask me to!” he shouts.

Obi runs to you, ignoring the smell of iron covering you and the smell of burning flesh, and he sheds his jacket. He unzips his jumpsuit to shed his shirt, using it to press into your shoulder in the front. He rips the sleeve off your jumpsuit and then rips it more making a makeshift bandage. He rips your other sleeve off as you kneel there a little loopy, your tears still flowing as you looked at his serious face. “Hi Obi” you whisper with a light chuckle and he gives you a stern look making you smile for some odd reason, thinking he looked so handsome in this moment.

He uses your other sleeve to shove tight against your back wound before using the long strip of sleeve to use to tie around you as tight as he can, holding the fabric in place. Obi didn’t know the whole story, just that you were covered in blood and had a bad wound. Once hes done, after about 8 seconds, hes lifting you easily into his arms and taking off running, not even payinng any attention to Arthur.

Everything after he picked you up was a blurr, you weren't all there but you tried to keep conscious as much as you could as your head lolled to his shoulder, realizing he didn't put his jumpsuit back on and your cheek is against his skin. “Stay with me. Do NOT fall asleep. That’s an order!” you chuckle softly, your tears stopped now as you felt safer in his arms, and you lift a hand covered in drying blood and started to trace small circles aganst his chest so you could stay conscious.

“An order from my superior who isnt that much older than me and who was my friend before he was my captain. You know” you groan and sigh as you start seeing dark spots in your vision “i would more likely follow your orders if you just asked me as a friend” he laughs, glad that at least you’re talking and awake even if your speech is slurred and he can feel your blood start to seep through his bandages. “More likely? Like you arent always following my orders to the T anyway little duck” he jokes and you nod, your head swimming from the action. “Yes but who knows the extra miles I would go for you, Obi” you whisper before your consciousness finally fades away into peaceful darkness.

You wake with a gasp, your hand tightening around the one that was currently holding yours, startling the person awake as they move to stand quickly “hey hey shhh shhh shh it’s okay you’re okay” he says and you recognize his voice. Finding his eyes you relaxed into the bed as you remember everything that happened.

“Captain” you said, your voice and throat dry and he hands you some water. “Glad to have you back. What do you remember?” he asks and you go to sit up but wince, your eyes screw shut and you groan as you stop moving. When the pain has stopped a little you take a deep breath and start from the beginning, using the bed remote to lean your body up.

“The white clad drew me away from everyone else and before I realized it was too late. He let a bug go before I took him out and the infernal caused the building to explode, a metal rod flying out and hit me in the shoulder pinning me to the next building which was already burning.” He was scowling as you told him this, anger in his heart about how you got hurt. “The building was ablaze. I could feel it burning my back and I had no other choice but there was so much blood” you voice cracks as you look down at your hand remembering how covered it was. You clear your throat to try and stop the tears that you feel burning your eyes “I made Arthur stop the bleeding because I couldn’t do it. I was so afraid Obi. Please don’t be mad at him. The bleeding had to be stopped” he nods “I know. I still cant help but feel annoyed that he had to hurt you though” you smile softly at him, glad that he was here with you. “It was that or let me bleed to death obi what would you have done?” he scowls “something else” he mutters and you laugh gently and squeeze his hand “been protecting me since we were greenies. I must say, i appreciate it”

He sits again and runs his hand through his hair, he looks disheveled and he has a 5oclock shadow. “I got you to the ambulance shortly after you passed out. I left everything with Hinawa because it was pretty much wrapped up by that time. they took you into surgery and it went well and didn't take a long time. They said the longest thing was the blood transfusions since you lost so much blood. It didn’t hit anything important thankfully and they said that burning it was a good idea given the circumstances” your eyebrows furrow as you realize it’s dark outside. “What time is it? How long have you been here?” you ask and he looks away sheepishly “it’s around three in the morning. And I’ve been here the whole time. What did you expect?” He says with a chuckle and shy smile. you squeeze his hand and he looks back to you “i’m glad it’s you” you say, quite easily in fact that it kind of scares you, until you realize it’s probably the pain meds.

You shiver and try to pull up your thin hospital blanket, but it does nothing to help how cold you feel. “Obi do you know if there are any more blankets in here?” You don’t know why you whispered, maybe because of how late it is or how dark the room is, the only light being from the light on in the bathroom with the door halfway open. He stands and starts to look through the cupboards and drawers.

“I found socks, another gown, and this pack of tissues” he says and you smile “thanks for looking, can I have the socks” you go to reach out for it but unintentionally use your bad arm since it was your dominant hand. You hiss and stop moving, leaning back against the bed. He scowls, hating to see you in pain, but currently he thinks it’s just because you’re one of his closest friends and what kind of person would like to see their best friend in pain?

He takes the socks and moves up the blanket from your feet, gently lifting your right foot he slips on the sock and then pulls a little at the toes so they aren’t too tight. Your eyes widen and your breath hitches at his soft actions and the way he fixes your toes. You’ve never even mentioned that you do that he must have just picked up on your habits and noticed these small things.

Once he’s done he slips out of his jacket and goes to hand it to you “no it’s okay. I don’t want you to be cold too” you say and he smiles softly, “I insist y/n. You’re the wounded one” he says while placing it on you gently. His warmth floods into you and the smell of his cologne which makes your heart flutter. You frown and take his hand before he can sit again “hey maybe we could compromise so we can both be warm..” he raises his eyebrows and you scoot to the edge of the bed on your side, gingerly babying your shoulder as you meet his eyes. looking down at you he can see the vulnerability in your eyes. He remembers how you were crying when he found you and Arthur, how scared you were and the sound of your scream still fresh in his mind. He can see some of that residual fear in your eyes and as you pat the empty space he’s kicking off his boots and climbing in the bed next to you.

He’s slow and easy, a little awkward at first, but he relaxes as you turn into his body, wrapping one leg around his, his jeans rough against your bare legs as you try and soak in his warmth. His arm wraps around your back and stays away from your wound. you sigh softly as you finally stop shivering. “Thank you Obi” you say and he hums in response. His eyes closing as he relaxes into the bed until he feels something hot and wet hit his chest then he’s looking down at you worried.

“Hey hey what’s wrong?” He asks softly and you sniff, trying to hide your face in his chest “I’m sorry” you whisper, unable to stop the tears that fall and he hushes you “no you have nothing to apologize for” he pets your head comfortingly, his fingers sliding through your soft hair. “I just. I was so scared tonight. I’ve never been that scared before. There was so much blood. I thought. I thought that was it. That I wasn’t going to see you again” you sniff and quickly add “or anyone else at the eighth. I thought-“ his hand stops on your head “hey” he says cutting you off “you’re right here” he says “you’re here. You’re safe with me” he whispers and you feel the tears flow harder as you hide your face in his chest. He hums softly and shushes gently, every once in a while telling you that he’s with you or that you are safe.

When you relax into him, your tears stopping and exhaustion hitting you, you sigh and move your head so your cheek is against his chest. He brushes away the stray tears left on your cheeks and you smile in your half asleep state and say “you’re such a good man Obi”

He doesn’t know why his heart fluttered when you said that. He doesn’t know why it made him feel so proud that you think he’s a good man. He was confused about why he wanted to be a good man for you. he sat awake in the dark, playing with your hair and thinking about why he’s suddenly feeling this warm and soft with you, he catches himself thinking about how he never wants to have you out of his arms, where he knows you’re safe.

“Well isn’t that sweet” Hinawa says from the door and you stir in his arms. He shoots Hinawa a glare and brings his finger to his lips. “She hasn’t slept nearly long enough” he whispers and Hinawa smirks as he enters the room, as an outsider who’s known you both since the beginning of the eighth, he’s seen all the signs and knew this would eventually happen. “Is she okay?” He asks as he sits in the chair. “She will be” Obi fills in Hinawa about what happened and told him how your surgery went, he left shortly after to fill out the paperwork for a worker hurt on the job and tell the rest of the team.

When you wake up it’s because Obi is brushing your hair from your face “y/n wake up” he’s saying softly and it pulls you from unconsciousness. You take a deep breath as your eyes flutter open, smiling when you see him looking down at you. “Good morning little duck” he says with a soft smile “the doctor is here and I should get out of the bed so they can do their tests” you nod and move, letting him go as he gently rolls out of the bed.

After the tests the doctors say they want you to stay there for a week under observation so they can make sure your wound doesn’t get infected. you were surprised when it went by quickly and even more surprised that Obi came to see you every day. The rest of the team takes turns on days to come see you so you never had to be alone for too long but Obi was there every day at the same time in the afternoon, bringing you some brunch and staying for a few hours. And every time he leaves he finds it harder to be away from you. The only times he has had to be away from you in years and he doesn’t like it one bit.

“You’re scowling again” Hinawa says during dinner and Obi huffs rolling his eyes “you don’t have to point it out every time” he says and Hinawa just laughs, because he knows how this is going to end and he enjoys watching it go down.

“Today’s the day!” Obi says as he walks through the door and you laugh, you’ve changed into clothes he’s brought you the day before and you just got done with the physical therapist meeting and you’ve set up days to come back for therapy every other week for the next two months. You go to put your bag over your good shoulder and he’s taking it from your hand and putting it over his shoulder “ready little duck?” He says and you roll your eyes “I’m so ready” you say and he grins “let’s go home”

“You have no idea how nice it is to be out of there” you say at dinner and Hinawa looks knowingly at Obi who just kicks him under the table. “We’re so glad to have you back Y/n!” Tamaki says and you smile “I missed you guys. I was going a little crazy there”

Obi makes sure he knows where you were at all times, telling himself it’s just so he knows you’re okay just in case you need anything. Not letting himself believe that almost losing you almost wrecked him

He brings you into his office that night to talk about moving forward and what he expects of you. “Until you’re cleared from physio you won’t be sent on any missions unless cleared by me. Expect a lot of paperwork” he smiles softly when you sigh, knowing your hatred for the mundane task. You nod “yes sir” before he lets you leave his office, he gets up from his chair and gently embraces you. You gasp softly and pause before wrapping your good arm around him and burying your face in his chest “I’m so glad you’re okay y/n. I just wanted you to know that” he whispers and you nod into chest, your heart fluttering and stomach flipping.

You go to shower that night, tucking clothes into your sling and your towel before grabbing your caddy with your good hand. When you exit your room you bump into none other than Obi, who was just about to knock.

Your clothes fall to the floor and he chuckles and apologizes before bending down to pick them up. “I wanted to ask if you wanted-“ his voice goes quiet as he picks up your thong, black and lacy he feels as if his heart stopped as he immediately pictured them on you. He pushes away the thought and his face turns red, your cheeks blush when you notice what he’s holding but you smile softly when he just folds them and places them between your shirt and shorts he just refolded as well, then he grabs your towel and stands.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to” he laughs awkwardly “have a cup of tea with me. Like we used to when we were greenies” you smile as you remember getting tea with him when you weren’t a fire soldier. Every night after work you’d get a cup of tea and talk about your lives and mainly rant about work and the government. It was nice because he would sometimes choose to get tea with you instead of get beers with the rest of the team. Sure you went out with all of them occasionally but he always preferred your company to the rest of your team at the time.

“If there’s lavender tea you know I’m in” he smiles with a chuckle “ don’t worry. I picked up some yesterday”

He walks you to the bathroom, carrying your stack of clothing as you talk, just joking like usual but there was something sweet in the air, and you were pretty sure he was flirting with you when he said “see you later pretty little duck” which he was, but cut him some slack man doesn’t know how to flirt with someone way out of his league like he knows you are. He’s nervous. And that’s the reason why he used your nickname to call you pretty without it being too heavy of a confession that he wasn’t that confident with at the moment, he didn’t know just how deep he loved you yet.

Your feet pad softly against the hard flooring, echoing softly against the hallway walls. You left your sling in your room, not wanting to wear it since you’ll be going to bed soon. You push open the kitchen door to find no one there, but the remnants of someone making tea is obvious. You see the light on the stove that means it’s still hot, and some crumbs on the counter from the cookies you knew Obi was saving on the highest cupboard. You smile and walk down towards the dining room and smile when you see what’s inside.

“Hey there Ducky” he says when he sees you come in and you feel your cheeks flush, not at the name but the way he said it, his voice soft and gentle, no trace of teasing or jokes. Like being called ducky was endearing and not a story you hold as your most embarrassing moment in your life.

The table had tea set out and cookies and had only the lower lights on so it wasnt too bright, it was just the same atmosphere as the tea shop youd go to. “You didnt have to do all this” you say and he smiles with a shrug “just wanted to show you how glad i am you are home” you smile, suddenly feeling shy, and take the seat next to him.

He pours you some tea and adds a sugar cube, just how you like it and you smile “thank you Obi” you say and your fingers brush his when you take your mug and he furrows his bows at the tingles that shoot up his arm. You take a deep inhale of the tea, the lavender already making you relax.

You sit and talk with him for hours, it feels like you’re young again and actually taking time to relax with your friends. “This is really nice Obi. It’s been a long hard road filled with never ending work, it feels nice, to have a moment where I don’t have to worry.” You ended up as close to him as you could be at the edge of the table, next to him at his place at the head of the table. Your left foot was behind his and your right foot was between his that were crossed at the ankles. Physical touch wasnt anything new between you but it felt - new - somehow. “I’m glad I could give you that moment” he says with a smile as he finishes his tea.

“Why do you call me ducky so much? Is it because you’re just teasing me?” you ask as you nibble on a cookie, your eyes were tired and burning but you didn’t want to leave yet. He watched as your eyes rose from the cookie to meet his eye and couldnt help but think how cute you looked as you slowly blinked tiredly at him.

“Because that was the day i realized that you’d be in my life forever” he says with a grin and your heart stops as you stare at him “care to elaborate?” you whisper and he laughs softly “that may be an embarrassing memory for you, but for me it was one of the best memories. I realized that we would be best friends for a long time and that i’d make sure of it” you laughed “best friends. Yeah” you say and then lean forward, pulling your feet from him and sighing “i should get to bed, my shoulder is beginning to hurt” he nods and stands with you, helping him clean up before he walks you back to your room.

“Did I say something? Are you okay?” he asks softly when you get to your door and youre too afraid to look him in the eye so you just wrap your good arm around his side and hug him close “dont worry Obi, i’m just tired. I’m really glad you want to be my best friend. You are invaluable, truly. Keep calling me duck, i dont mind it.” you turn to walk into your room and wants to stop you, wants to cup your cheeks and look deep into your eyes until you tell him the truth, but he cant make himself. He can only watch as you avoid his eye and close your door softly with a click.

[emetkoto]

What was k'oto and g'raha's relationship like during the crystal tower questline? also how did he feel watching those doors close on g'raha knowing they were unlikely to meet again?

i did that thing where i accidentally write too much again. sorry </3

k'oto has chronic "must protect soft kind boys" syndrome so right off the bat he was more friendly and receptive to g'raha than normal..its hard to explain its just like. he sees a nice looking man. he is more willing to trust them right off the bat :) less 'guilty until proven innocent' like usual and more 'innocent until proven guilty' ! its kind of a problem of his, judging people like that as soon as he meets them but this isnt a character study of k'oto its about him and his bf so lets move on

ANYWAY so yeah k'oto thought g'raha was pretty chill and funny and kinda cool like the man was an archon and had allagan blood and was a badass archer and his enthusiasm was contagious <3 it really helped k'oto get through the crystal tower stuff which he originally saw as kind of an annoying drag of a task he didn't want to do, he wasnt particularly interested in allagan history and didnt think or care much about the tower....he was in the middle of a 'why do i have to be the one to do this' phase, back then he didnt fully grasp why or how he was so important so being made to do stuff like this annoyed the hell out of him but g'raha came along and was so excited about it he was like 'ok....maybe i can do this if it means this guy will smile more and his eyes will sparkle and he'll infodump on me a little more'....he was just glad to have another chill friend yknow thats why he liked cid so much bc he was just Chill <3 it was basically puppydog (kittycat?) love, k'oto never in his life could have guessed how little time theyd have together so he didnt think much of that lil crush and was like 'ill think about that later'.....oops! later is a lot later than he thought </3

g'raha was ofc very excited to meet k'oto, he'd heard all about the cool stuff he had been upto and was a bit jealous of how many grand adventures he'd been on and how much impact he'd had on the world in such a short amount of time, the normal g'raha idolizing wol thing yknow? he wanted to be a lot closer with him but found himself hesitating a lot because. inferiority complex and imposter syndrome is a bitch, trust me buddy i get it </3 even if he could see k'oto was kinda crushing he was just like 'nah...no way the warrior of light likes me' so they just kinda both. didnt do much about it at all! they had a little moment there on top of the tower before the end of the questline and both of them were like 'oh man maybe theres a chance for something here' and then...........................g'raha realized his destiny and sealed himself in the tower :,)

k'oto was like. devastated when he realized what was going on, it was the first time that someone other than him was the 'chosen one' and even though he always asked for it to be someone else he didnt mean it like this cmon hydealyn he likes this guy,,,,,but yknow g'raha was like 'this is my destiny ive got to do it' and it kinda helped k'oto realize his own importance bc sometimes...you really ARE just the only person who can take on a responsibility no matter how much it sucks and can hurt, so he and g'raha were able to part with a (pained) smile in the hopes they'd be able to meet again someday....but k'oto really didnt get his hopes up too much, everyone had made such a big deal about how hard it is to open the tower that he really just thought it was the end, even if it got opened it wouldn't be in his lifetime so he kinda. blew that real bad </3

needless to say they were both. SO happy to get a second chance

[dannyphantom-justiceleauge]

2/2 as for Jazz I dont think her obsessions psychology--thats her passion. But making sure Dannys ok/not alone? She does constantly fret over him in canon. Maddie IS hard tho. maybe its not so much obsession as it is regret that makes her ghost, depending on if she knew about Phantom. Imagine all the regrets she had about hurting Danny before she knew, or all the things she couldnt do to help him after she did. Its a lot of guilt--it may not be happy but the existence of a ghost isnt meant to be

now i’m kinda imagining jazz just living in danny’s layer and making sure he’s okay at the end of his missions. like she’s the family he can rely on being there at the end of the day. i find it a little odd to be that close with your sibling, hell he probably gets annoyed sometimes, but at the same time, after the particularly rough days he really appreciates her. she is the most balanced and human of the ghosts probably. she definitely extends her sister instincts to include all of danny’s friends and dani, and to a lesser extent her parents. i also can see her hanging out with johnny and kitty when danny is on a mission, which is just cute friendship content.

maddie regretting being a bad mother is painful but also has an amount of logic. she’d shot her own son on multiple occasions. she was always more serious and more accurate when it came to taking phantom than jack was. jack cared taking down phantom but he cared about hunting all ghosts. he was a lot bluster and his shots almost never hit. i think even though maddie found out danny was a halfa before she died, she’d still carry that guilt to the grave.might make her similar jazz in she could become obsessed with taking care of danny and being a good mother. only she takes the care to a negative extreme. where jazz is mature and normal about it, maddie might be more dangerous and scary about it.

this could be an ongoing tragedy, a mark that dying isn’t always hunky-dory and that ghosts don’t have control of what they become when they die. Maddie isn’t a rational ghost, her personality is different, she can be dangerous and is only really calm when she has one of her kids around. the family are all kinda sad to see her like this. i think jack and dani are the main ones that look after her and she mostly stays in her lair, a perversion of their original home. they all take time spending time with her and keeping her happy. and if she goes too long without seeing danny she starts to freak out and get violent. they all do their best and the love is still there. it’s just an issue.

i don’t know how vlad would react to this version of maddie, but i doubt she’d react well to him.he’d hurt her baby boy worse then she had after all. she probably reacts violently to his presence and attacks him on sight. danny, for as sad he is about his mom losing herself, still find the incidents where she attacks vlad hilarious.

if there’s a way to get her back to the maddie she used to be, they’ll find it. they are certainly trying - Hestia

[1990jeevas]

hi hello i dont think we have talked b4 but i would love 2 hear ur craig ND headcanonz :))

hehe hello!! thank you for the asks!! here's my ND craig headcanons aka me projecting onto one of my kins :>

note? ig: im diagnosed with adhd buuuut i probably also have undiagnosed autism and idk how to separate those symptoms tbh so im not gonna be too specific about what's what ig. this truly will just be Pure Projection soooo

let's go!

-was absolutely that one kid growing up that got either "never applies himself" or "has good grades, but issues with socialization" on report cards

-bad at making and maintaining friendships :/

-school probably tested him and was like "yeah there is something here but we arent gonna diagnose bc that means we have to give him Actual Accommodations" and then stuck him in SPED classes which just got him bullied ajsksk

-has bad sensory issues with like. the feeling of skin and the sound of like silverware on plates, it literally makes him wanna peel his skin off. there's other ones obvs but those ones are the worst

-sensory overload makes him incredibly agitated or just downright pissed. gets very snippy but doesn't yell bc yelling feels Weird and he doesn't like it

-cant wear more than 2 layers, cant sleep with more than one thin blanket, it makes him feel like he's being suffocated and having his movement restricted

-always stimming but pretty good at making it unnoticeable, has a lot of normalized stims like playing with rubber bands, leg bouncing nail tapping, cracking knuckles, etc.

-but when he isnt trying to hide it? ohhh boy is he a loud motherfucker, very into stims that involve noise like rolling his r's, doin lil brr sounds, clickn buttons on like remotes and stuff, etc.

-not very good at masking tbh

-mmm echolalia galore

-flappy hands!! lots of flappy hands :]

-stims by hitting the balls of his hands/wrists together repeatedly, is probably one of his most used stims

-has like. harmful stims when he's upset or in pain? like hitting himself, scratching himself, etc.

-has lil dancey stims but only really does them in private or around close friends

-so flipping people off is already basically a stim in canon lbr but imagine he starts doing 👉👈 as a joke and then it just becomes a Default Stim. he jus be standing there and outta nowhere he's goin 👉👈 while having a completely normal conversation

-very bad at reading tone and social cues but he just wont admit it. refuses to ask questions either. leads to a lot of bad situations but he'd rather die than ask for clarification

-if you don't tell him exactly what to do he will just kinda. be confused. like you need to give him a step by step tutorial otherwise he will not do something very obvious on his own just incase he's wrong

-low empathy my beloathed /hj

-uhhh pls dont put him in a situation to comfort someone he will say and do all the wrong things even if he's trying his best

-red racer hyperfixation <3 guinea pig hyperfixation <3

-the most dry texter known to man bc he refuses to have important conversations over text due to Lack Of Tone Indication (his friends would be an exception bc tone indicators pog but still greatly prefers irl)

-its the having multiple swears as stimmy words for me /hj

-walks while leaning on the outside of his feet more than having them like. level? if that makes sense. similar to toe walking but like on the sides of the feet

-dont ask him to read a book he'll either hyperfixate or end up rereading the same page over and over again bc he retained nothing

-very blunt but he's not trying to be mean he just has literally no idea how to Not talk like that

-does a lil high picthed mm sound when happy flapping and usually rocks back and forth with it :]

-will be in the middle of the test and you'll just hear him softly muttering "bonk. bonk. bonk. bonk. bon-"

-that ^ or bababooey

-basically any tiktok sound he hates turns into a stim at some point

-has a playlist just titled "neurodivergent moment" bc he's that kind of person. the first song on it is the home of 47, followed by stupid mf (idk if the person who made the home of 47 ((trolleycat)) can reclaim the r slur but it's used a good amount in the song, stupid mf is just blatantly ableist tho lol)

-*info dumps by tearing apart his favorite media and then gets offended when a NT does the exact same thing*

-calls things ableist when they dont go his way

-has a lot of oral stims like give him anything he can chew on and he will fucking destroy it unless it's made to be chewed

-*sees strings on hat* *sticks end in mouf* *complains when its soaking wet 2 minutes later*

-hyperfixates on a lot of problematic media so he has become the most critical ass mfer when it comes to the shit he consumes

-sometimes he just. screams. bc he can. and he feels the need to.

-has rsd but shhh he'll never discuss it

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[blindkite]

While it's none of my business, may I inquire about what ails you?

I’ve actually been pretty open about my illnesses (since it affects my commissions work and anything schedule related) so I don’t mind! 

Some of them need a little explaining as to what they are, and it’s kinda a long list. I have alot of health problems.

Hashimoto’s disease is my main issue, its a type of autoimmune disease that causes hypothyroidism, aka, i regularly have to get blood tests and up meds to keep up with its fast progression. Not fatal, but its a fuckin pain in the ass i tell you.

Normally it isnt such havoc to deal with, but I’ve actually had symptoms of this since childhood, so I was ALWAYS being tested for thyroid issues, but nothing came up, so it was chalked up as whiny kid just complaining and faking sick for attention. 

I went an extremely long time misdiagnosed because i had a rare variant of it that required a nonstandard test to find, (It’s called Test Negative Hashimoto’s, cause it shows as negative on general tests)  so by the time i was finally diagnosed and put on meds, alot of damage had already been done to my body and there was no reversing it. If it had been caught sooner, I would never of become this sick, there’s even a chance it could of been stopped entirely. All it would of taken was one doctor to think to try the alternate test, instead of just blaming it on being a whiny kid.

As you can tell, I’m extremely salty about this.

Next up,

Ehlers–Danlos syndromes (EDS), I have the hyper-mobility type, which means my joints love to lock and dislocate over literally nothing. washing dishes? not anymore, now your fingers refuse to move. walking? hope you didnt need that knee to bend. again, its more annoying than anything. I do sound like a box of rice krispies whenever i move tho (snap crackle pop)

Fibromyalgia is also in the mix, this is a recent diagnosis since it was kinda hiding behind the EDS, since they have similar all pain all the time. Tho this has the bonus of hurting a fuck ton if you poke me, and pain in random places for no reason! Also I’m young and in a state that fears opioid/pain medication abuse so, all i get is some Alleve and a prayer!!!!

Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) is also a newbie diagnosis, because it was hiding behind the hashimoto’s, which also causes digestive issues. Also I have the annoying version you can’t take medication for, I either strictly control my diet or i fucking suffer. I’m basically in a constant state of, the more they treat, the more they find wrong, which is not great.

Last up is Circadian rhythm disorder, aka, I was born naturally nocturnal. And no, it is not a matter of a strict schedule and some melatonin to fix. Been there, tried that. Because of the life long sleep issues (i was literally like this as a baby), i’m prone to insomnia if my natural sleep is fucked with, with the bonus of getting super vivid hallucinations! FUN!!! So yeah, I fuck with that as little as possible. It does what it wants, and I’m just along for the ride.

AND WHAT AGGRAVATES AND MAKES ALL THESE THINGS WORSE??DRUMMROLL PLEASEEEEEE~!

STRESS. STRESS IS WHAT MAKES IT WORSE.

As it is, i already have Anxiety + ADHD (or High functioning Autism, as my doctor recently realized it might actually be??) so bad its like i have boss music playin 24/7, so my very spanish soap opera like family who loves to find trouble no matter where they go, makes it very hard to NOT be stressed. Which means my health very often spins out of control. And when its out of control, they all eat into each other.

Which results in an extremely shit a immune system, pain, dangerously low amounts of sleep and fevers on a weekly basis.

None of it is fun, its very complicated and just an all around not great time.

Thanks for coming to my TED TALK 

[familiaanteomnia]

warning: mental illness, dysphoria-body image mentions, ED type mentions, shark week ish, bottom growth/related stuff n.sfwish? depending on how you take it- also packers,etc mention (naturally it varies by verse,etc but i’m mostly sharing pretty consistent information- also dont be stupid about any of this like i stg) -his puberty got kind of messed up like he so badly despised it, plus his mental health issues and all that basically by sheer force of messed up will/chemical backfires,etc it had an reaction like how stress affects those things as in... in regards to shark week was so inconsistent, so very much to the point he has these meds he’s supposed to take that basically kick his body the rest of the way into doing the process/is supposed to make it quick, done way sooner with less pain due to effectiveness even (he obviously forgets genuinely/fights against the whole situation leading to major cramps and issues even if he isnt bleeding) will go like 3 months of risking major health damage over it. (going on t makes this all worst because doctors like ‘okay now you really need to cause now you’re having more issues’ and he just- doesn’t) -really knows way too much medical shit in general,  naturally he’s very much an ‘why does life work like this why are people so ashamed of normal stuff’ etc but also dude will balk at stuff like ‘ugh im on my period’ xav just grimacing inwardly all like why must i be reminded that’s an thing.. ha ha not me lemme repress shit as such dude will carry extras,etc but is very much trying to be an punk dudebro about it/even if is basically screaming internally about it all, trying to never think about that stuff -k.t tape binds most the time, if not just doesn’t bother cause of his body shape/type and mood+ outfit+ plans for the day. however he does own an binder, sports bras work and are more often the case. as such most the dysphoria hits in different ways, elsewhere (but with his general puberty complications/fast metabolism,etc he also just forgets he’s trans an lot like he gets hit in the crotch and falls over in pain then 10 seconds later like ha ha wait what the hell i’m not even packing) -dude is pretty slender,etc from his fast metabolism, shit eating habits (because he can eat like 5 whole pizzas and not get slightly full or bloated but also he frequently lives off like candy, energy drinks,etc vices...) though it also can vary to kinda athletic and he doesn’t seem like mega unhealthy at least lol in that department plus with what he wears,etc usually unnoticeable (he is super easy to pick up especially if unconscious even that add of dead weight is pretty light but like not easy to tackle) -totally pumps his bottom growth not even entirely in that ahem sesual way but in an genuinely helps with pain/helps with dysphoria (not that his growth is bad at all but also, it kinda helps with that too) like i mean obviously splurged too so he can just like pull some pants on, play video games or whatever as it does its thing -likewise doesn’t skimp on things like packers, has an major collection/gets lower dysphoria? dude will drop like 1000 dollars on more options even if has plenty that are high grade, expensive not even sesually though of course many purposes and he’s only an person like anybody else/plus that t juice fueling an already high libido,etc but anyways yes he sometimes prefers to be like lol glow in the dark d.ick is my packer even though i have an 3 in 1 that cost so much money and is multifunctional (also he 100% for fun, aesthetic, and boredom sometimes pierces them) -general body image issues/disconnect problems due to his mental illness more than dysphoria, being trans surprisingly more stuff like ‘oh right this is what my body is? you mean to tell me for the last 48 hours was watching myself in 3rd person but didn’t notice- oops.’ but also damn is he pretty much like i know i’m aesthetically pleasing, hot and i will flaunt it even if not quite full of myself -likewise mirrors? he makes faces at himself, flips himself off and has totally shattered an large amount of them because he started thinking too much about if his freckles are visible,etc same with reflections though isnt always super mega serious can just be to make himself giggle/habitual

[mousehole5000]

the rest... of... book 4..... through chapter 225

i sad.

“He was lying to himself and lying to others! All nothing but deceit! No matter what, it was impossible to pretend nothing had ever happened, and it was impossible to return to before!!!” - i know :(

“Before Feng Xin went, he was afraid. Now that Feng Xin had gone, he wasn’t scared any longer. But, even though he wasn’t afraid anymore, he was in deeper agony.” - ah yes. being afraid of your friends leaving so you do things to drive them away so you can have something to point to and say that you were the one who made the choice and you dont have to fear it anymore. except that has never once worked out ever and turns out losing people just means you lost them and it still hurts. not that i would know or anything.....

“He saw upon the table there were a few plates of horrid-looking dishes that were now cold. They were what he made the queen take away without eating a single bite the night before. Now, he pulled them over absent-mindedly, and ate everything, not daring to leave behind a single leaf, afraid to miss a single grain of rice. After he ate he started puking.” - this broke me and the bad cooking isnt funny anymore :(

all this happens after they have money again. no further commentary on this chapter

i know for a lot of book 3 i just wanted hua cheng to go away but now i would give anything for wuming to come and interrupt these interactions with white no-face

“Lang Ying, a brute commoner, led an army and destroyed Xianle. With the aura of the king enveloping his body, ordinary evil wouldn’t be able to come close to his person. However, at this moment, what Xie Lian brought with him were millions of souls of those who died on the battlefield!” - interesting to think about this story from lang ying’s point of view. the bit about his wife and child... oh my god... the things we carry with us...

“Will it really be alright to leave him like this? How about, I give him a cup of water?” - cup of water motif is back... ouch

“One person. Just one. Really. Just one person was enough!” - for like 20 minutes after reading this i really was just sitting here thinking about every time a stranger did me a small a kindness and the times i did the same it just made me cry harder i love people and they really can be awful and choose to be cold and cruel but it means that when they choose to be kind..... it doesnt negate the cruelty but its still indescribable.. and being able to see that and remember that even after all the pain..... 

ugh still just thinking about the times ive gone through something that changed me and having the cold numb fear that i would never be the same as i was before that i would lose some precious part of me forever and wondering if this would be the thing that finally did it... i dont know if ive ever actually experienced a piece of media that really make me think about that tbh

“Stop thinking so highly of yourself! I don’t need you to teach me anything, I can learn on my own. If you represent heaven’s will, then something like heaven’s will should be destroyed!” - why is defying the heavens so sexy.... keep it up (edit after white no-face identity reveal: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!)

the fact that xie lian went through what he did and got nothing out of it and in fact lost everything he had left due to the trauma,,,,, but just one person is enough for him to willingly offer to do it again, even if all he could save is one person,,,,,, crying again.... and who it is who takes it all on instead... ok...

“After all, everyone knew that Mu Qing ascended because he cleaned up all the remaining stubborn resentful spirits in the old capital of Xianle, so to understand it as “generous and kind” wasn’t unreasonable. In any case, everyone in the old capital of Xianle were all very grateful for him.” - its not unreasonable at all!!! this boy picks cherries for his mom and the neighborhood kids leave him alone

“Shaking his head, Xie Lian contemplated, then he ladled two large bowls of rice, one offered inside the Temple of Ju Yang, the other inside the Temple of Xuan Zhen. Finally, feeling that everything served its purpose, he clapped his hands close, completely satisfied.” - please i just want them to be friends again

ruoye........ xie lian bidding farewell to the tiny red flower.... ok i feel a totally normal amount about all these things

book 5 time!!!

xie lian king of taking a third option.. no one dies in the kiln at all we’re just leaving bitch

“Xie Lian didn’t know why he had to use his hands to cup Hua Cheng’s cheeks, but he did so subconsciously, probably so he could comfort him, but also because Xie Lian was afraid Hua Cheng’s face would be frostbitten by the snowstorm.” - gay people.....

“This giant stone divine statue must’ve been sculpted when Hua Cheng was trapped inside the Kiln, when he was severely beaten down and in intense suffering.” - ohhhh my god. okay. okay. look. i get it....

“The divine statue obeyed his command and took off with a gigantic, wide step, going along with the rolling current of snow. One slide was several miles, and the snow waves it created crashed around its body. Because both its arms were open, even though it was a body of a million tons, it still maintained good balance.” - HELL YEAH!! HELL YEAH LETS FUCKING GO LETS GOOOOO

the statue that requires transfers of spiritual energy... statue of make you kiss me i see how it is.....

“Hearing this, Hua Cheng raised his brows, his expression seeming to say, please have them beat each other to death, that’d be great.” - when you dont like your SO’s friends and they dont like you

“With a sharp sword in hand, Xie Lian was like a tiger with wings added, his might increasing exponentially, and he struck out!” - YES!!! GET EM!!!!

“No one could blame him for not knowing what was going on. Perhaps, he was confused the entire way: Why was he beaten? Why was he buried inside a wall? Why was he turned into a daruma doll? And why did he have to turn into a sword, too? There was not a single point where he’d figured out what was happening.” its okay qyz its okay i know honey me too

HELLO?? SQX IS BACK???? omg what a development omg omg okay okay interesting... okay so shi wudu would have rather died than lose everything but shi qingxuan is still trucking

“Hua Cheng responded lazily, “Oh? So you mean to say, beggars can’t save the world? Is it because they don’t have the ability to, or because they’re not worthy?” - KING okay i know this is a motivational tactic but also... who was it who took on all the souls for the human face disease and did in fact save the world back then hmmm?

absolutely enthralled by the fact that in chapter 207 we find out that the guoshi is in fact just. still here. and the name of the chapter is "Seeking Affection; Ghost King Fakes Displeasure” which i mean that happens too but fjasdlkfajsld

bruh okay. okay. okay. everything is happening okay. okay. chaos in the heavens okay. ling wen is still invited to kiss me on the mouth tho idc

“Indeed Yin Yu didn’t have enough confidence, and said weakly, “Chengzhu has shown me grace, he saved me…” “I know,” Jun Wu said. “He even helped you pacify and send off the resentful spirit of Jian Yu, who died during banishment, am I right?” - awww im glad they resolved that bit that whole situation was awful also give me the forbidden hua cheng ghost king lore...

“Yin Yu finally couldn’t take it anymore. He clenched his fists tight, his knuckles cracking, and he whipped around. “I DO RESENT HIM! I DO HATE HIM!!! BUT, SO WHAT??” - yin yu kiss me on the mouth right now

“Xie Lian hugged him. “It’s alright, it’s alright. These are all small matters, really. Your Highness Yin Yu, just live in this world for another few hundred years and you’ll know that none of that really matters. Either driven to madness or really wishing someone would die, whichever. Who in the world has never had such thoughts? I’ve even thought of massacring all in the world who had wronged me, it’s true, and no lie, I’d almost done it. But look at me, haven’t I shamelessly lived until now? You haven’t actually done anything in the end, and that’s the most important thing.” - he’s right im crying again

“But…in the end, I…still think…it’s so unfair,” Yin Yu sobbed. “If I was already destined to be no one remarkable, then at the very least, I…wanted to be a kind and perfect person. But…I couldn’t even do that. It’s really…so unfair. And truth to be told, even in this moment, just thinking that I’m dying for Yizhen, this little dummy, I still can’t get over it. I can’t even let go and die with a heart with no resentment and no regrets, what is that.” - YIN YU YOU CANT DIE NOOOOOOO youre the only man in this whole book i would kiss why does this always happen im actually really sad ;_;

“If the Rain Master was killed directly, and a better heavenly official couldn’t be found to replace her, the people put food above all else; if agriculture isn’t running smoothly, the world will be thrown into chaos. You don’t let people eat, people won’t give you a job. Besides being displeased with the Rain Master, the people of the world might also begin to be dissatisfied with the great god above Rain Master’s head. Which means, if he isn’t careful, the fire can burn all the way onto him. If things aren’t controlled adequately, it might incur riots to topple gods.” - rain master my friend rain master... also yes!!!!! food production!!!! critical!!!!!!! theres a lot you can get by without but food is not one of them!!!!!

“Feng Xin was Xie Lian’s servant, his good friend, but not his slave. He could’ve built his own home, had his own family. And he had actually already met those people, but the encounter just had to be during Xie Lian’s first banishment, the toughest days they suffered back then.” i am very sad about all of this

hua cheng in the palace of ling wen looking for the brocade immortal while the heavens are in complete chaos as the world turns on its head and STILL taking the time to beg for kisses is making me lose it fjalkdfjlsd

oh my god the guoshi and the cards thing..... hmmmm

delighted that mount tong’lu has such great significance beyond just being the kiln or whatever

hmmm crown prince of wuyong... its truly sad... but dude.....

the way that the heavenly capital is literally built out of previous gods... wow

the outright attempt to continue to cycle of trauma that failed simply bc 1. xie lian is his own person and 2. xie lian recieved kindness and gave it back to the world even to the people who refused to help him im ;_;

the absolute mess of xuan ji/rong guang/pei su/banyue/ke mo going down in the palace of ming guang... entertainment

okay i think im to a point where i dont have any possible spoiler knowledge in my brain about what happens next (only thing i have is theres a joke about he xuan eating that i dont understand yet and i think we might get like an emily corpse bride moment but if we do i dont know why) but oh my god things have escalated

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 107

[Date: 28/03, 3:41 AM GMT - 28/03, 4:33 AM GMT]  

[Direct continuation of pt 106]

jayyyyyyyy: “actually now that I think about it-- you're allowed to talk to us, but the rest of the court isnt. any idea why?”

Duke: “Today is the only exception on discord, the crown said that we may only do an introduction and answer any questions you few may have! curiosity when running rampant can be dangerous you see. With regards to twitter however, the truth is that we are simply more mature.”

jayyyyyyyy: “definitely seems like it-- you guys seem to be a lot more compact with how you respond to things”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “Duke do you remember meeting crown? just curious!”

Duke: “Do not tell the others I told you this but many times I have crept down and listened to the scoldings our siblings have given each other, the brutish way they bicker and the consequences of their actions. Poor Baroness, her dress I mourn for! the Crown understands that despite us being young and despite us being newer members of the family we certainly have much more of a handle on things than the other poor lions do.”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “Oh”

jayyyyyyyy: “do you like dresses, Duke?”

Duke: “Meeting Crown? it was a summer's day, Ibelieve. My sister and Iwere having an outing at a beach with our family and we went off to explore and then...... Hm. It is quite interesting how joyous occasions can just slip past the mind! how time goes so quick when you are having fun it seems as though Icannot quite recall.”

jayyyyyyyy: “that-- I. hm”

Kate 👑: “Oh, the beach sounds lovely! I've never been, unfortunately- I'd get too many weird stares...”

Duke: “Dresses I do find intriguing! I prefer trousers and shirts though - much easier to clean and outfits do not come to ruin if a seam of either garment rips.”

jayyyyyyyy: “oh! I was asking because you said you mourn for her dress?”

emuhlee: “Oh Duke, what kind of music do you prefer?”

Duke: “Oh beaches can be quite lovely! the water usually is so soothing and lovely. Kate, perhaps one day my sister and I may escort you? there are private beaches although I am unaware where the closest one may be.”

jayyyyyyyy: “I’d love to go to the beach-- its always seemed so nice, but unfortunately water burns me :')”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “I’ve never been allowed to any beahes but from what I’ve heard they're lovely!”

Duke: “I adore multiple composers, it is hard to say! Niccolo Paganini my rank among my preferred if it may help.”

Raeva: “I've never been to beach but I have been to the coast and watched the waves crash and turn.”

Kate 👑: “I've been considering... filing down my antlers so I don't get weird looks, so maybe I can go out in public- but I'd love to maybe come with you one day!”

[jayyyyyyyy: “oh! I was asking because you said you mourn for her dress?”]

Duke: “And I do mourn for her dress. It was crafted with such care and deocre. Beautiful dresses are already difficult to maintain and it is a shame when one falls due to petty arguments.”

jayyyyyyyy: “aah I see”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “Duke, how old are you and your sister? just curious!”

Duke: “I feel selfish for taking so much time and attention onto myself, do you have any interesting things about yourselves you would care to share?”

Duke: “My sister and Iare seventeen years of age.”

jayyyyyyyy: “oh! uh”

jayyyyyyyy: “well, uh.. I’ma full enderman, if you havent guessed already. a few people have commented on my eyes being green instead of purple though :]”

Kate 👑: “I mean...I have antlers like a deer... I don't know if that would be considered interesting...”

S T A L: “I'm not quite sure. Ithink I'm a human if that helps”

Duke: “These are quite interesting things! Tell me, jay are you able to teleport?And Kate do you grow velvet?”

Raeva: “I like your antlers Kate even if you tried to gouge me with them once~”

Duke: “There is no shame in being human, it is what my sister and I are afterall!”

Big G (they/them): “17 yrs old gang pog”

jayyyyyyyy: “I can teleport! Ihave a lot of control on where I teleport to, though I also tend to panic teleport if it gets to that point”

Big G (they/them): “Also I am definitely not human, which is interesting I'd say.”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “I have fox ears and a tail but sometimes my ears play music against my will- and I have like black holes for eyes- not sure if that's interesting but its something abt me :/”

Duke: “Oh, that is intriguing! how does it feel to teleport?”

Dollar General Tubbo: “Sorry I haven't spoken much, I am more of a listener; but I'll properly introduce myself. The name I go by is Moth. I am also an enderman... Sort of. Long story. Green eyed as well :]”

Duke: “Your ears play music?”

Duke: “Oh goodness, so many endermen! It is a pleasure to meet you, Moth. I am Duke.”

jayyyyyyyy: “it feels.. well, at first it felt, erm.. strange? it upset my stomach a little, moving within the folds of space and all. now all it feels like is as if someone flicked my stomach”

Kate 👑: “They do... it's such an awful experience. I always look like I came right out of a horror movie...”

Dollar General Tubbo: “Pleasure to meet you as well, Duke.”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “uhh yeah, my fox ears sometimes switch from normal to mechanical and play music- I don't have control over it though so it gets annoying at times

like sometimes I'll be half asleep and my ears are like "mmmm melohi go brr" and then I cant sleep”

Duke: “You all are such interesting individuals! Teleporting sounds like such fun but also like such pain, Jay. It sounds so unpleasant and yet it is as natural to you as breathing is to I.

Your ears truly are a mystery though Ren! Do you know what causes it to be as such, or have you suffered from this affliction since childhood?”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “like dont get me wrong mellohi is a poggers song but it's unsettling when its playing in a dark room at 2 am”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “uhh I have an idea of why ears switch.. although I’m not sure as to why they only play music-

and I mean I technically have had them since  I was a child but I wasnt born with them-”

Duke: “Was it a curse?”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “depends on what you mean by that..

Duke: “Nothing bad, I assure you. I am simply just curious.”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “if you mean like someone said some magic words and now I have to go on some quest to get rid of it, then no

but I see them as a curse or burden”

Kate 👑: “I'd take those ears over antlers any day...”

Duke: “My sincerest apologies to the both of you, it sounds painful.”

Raeva: “We all look like we crawled out of hell somedays.”

Big G (they/them): “lol”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “I currently look like I crawled out of my hell tbh-”

Duke: “You should see me in the morning before I had my first cup of tea, I am truly a sight to behold!”

emuhlee: “You've mentioned tea a few times, what's your go-to type of tea?”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “I've been wearing the same clothes for like- how long has it been- for like 2 weeks because these are the only clothes that fit me rn, god there's so much dirt”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “yeah what type of tea person r u??”

Dollar General Tubbo: “Ren, do we need to go get you more clothes?”

Duke: “My preferred blend is Da Hong Pao. It's rich blend is truly something worth tasting.”

emuhlee: “maybe there are doll clothes laying around for you, ren/j”

Renboobigceenzatublraffectionate: “*normal clothes wouldn't fit me anyways we'd have to get van manto shrink them-”

Duke: “Have you ever crafted your own garments?”

[An argument breaks out between two of the server members that continues alongside this conversation]

Duke: “Getting in contact with a tailor may be in your best interest. While the needlework will have to be fine due to your small size the amount of fabric you use up would be less than a yard, likely evening out the cost.”

Duke: “Oh dear me. Be kind to your flock members, they are all you have.”

Kate 👑: “This is what I meant when I said that some of them don't appear to like the family, Duke...”

Duke: “The grandfather clock ticks away and I know I must leave soon. It is a shame Kate seeing your words proven true. Before I leave would you all enjoy a story?”

emuhlee: “A story sounds nice. Do indulge us?”

Duke: “"Do you love us?" asks the star to the moon, "Do you love us as you love the sun?"

"No," said the moon, for it could not lie to the ones it loves so preciously, "I love you more."

"Do you love the sun, then?"

"Indeed I do."

"Then how can you love us more?"

"Because," the moon said, gazing down at earth, "I love the ocean most of all."

Goodnight little sheep, I hope you all have sweet slumbers and lovely dreams. I myself will be having tea before bed, so I do hope you indulge in something nice before you sleep. I do hope you cease your arguing to find peace.”

[carylspookie]

This was not wrote by me but I had to share it 💔

Credits to addieanatomy on instagram.

its so difficult for me to understand those who never feel the slightest bit of sympathy for norma and those who blame norma for being a bad mother, for nurturing her child into a serial killer. since the beginning on the series, norma had been a whole person. she has a backstory filled with emotional abuse and neglect at the hands of her awful parents. and emotional and sexual assault at the hands of her brother. and then she gets married to an abusive husband with a son born of incest because of her brother raping her. and another son who blacks out and becomes violent to the point of murder. norman blacked out and murdered her abusive husband/his father and had no idea. and he continues to kill several ppl that come into his life. but that’s just a whole other discussion for a later date. it makes my blood boil when i see ppl want to hate norma and blame her for all norman does. they want to. hate norma for what norman is. in some ways. yes. i can see why we all should give her some blame. because of numerous events in her life, norma’s incredibly broken which doesnt make motherhood too promising for her. i mean. i would argue that the worst thing norma has done has been having a lack of understanding the causes and effects of her actions. and just having a lack of insight in general.

norma feels that nothing outside of her and her care is safe for her and her beloved child. but eventually, she starts to see norman as a threat, to herself and himself. okay and quite honestly. im surprised norma didn’t end up being the damn serial killer given her fucking upbringing and the experiences she faced… anyway. alright norma definitely allowed for levels of intimacy between her and norman that are pretty uncomfortable. and some ppl would say shes reluctant to admit that there is something wrong with her beautiful child. but in my opinion. i believe she was always fully aware of normans troubles and knew that theres was smth wrong with him. but like i said before. she didnt see safety in anything outside herself. bc shes so fucking stubborn! but she truly believed that she was the answer to normans problem and she thought she could help him and protect him. i think it is very harsh for ppl to classify norma and anything she does as a mother as being neglectful. or abusive.,..,. she certainly comes close but. she doesnt cross the line into that territory. and yes. she did tell norman things he shouldnt have to know as her son. like. the situation with her brother. but. if u think about normas role as a mother overall. within the context of her own life experiences. she tries really fucking. hard. to be a the perfect and ideal mother. and i believe her efforts should be applauded considering she had no good mother or father to have as an example for her parenting. this woman did whatever she could to protect her son. and when she realized that she couldnt give him the help he needed,... she sought out help. she went to pineview. she begged dr edwards or whatever to help her son. she did her best to get her son the aid he needed in order to not be a threat to himself, norma and everyone else.

i would find it absolutely ridiculous if u didnt feel an iota a sympathy for norma in that moment in 401. she even explained herself in that moment with dr edwards. she realized that she couldnt control what she thought she could. and that she was afraid of going to the doctors bc she thought they could take him away from her. and i believe that she didnt want him taken away bc he was the last bit of love she had left in her life. she had no one. she loved norman so passionately bc they were all each other ever had. its just. in that fucking moment with dr edwards. norma was showing so much of herself. so much honesty. which is smth she tends not to do. and she was revealing in that moment that literally. like all parents. she didnt really know… exactly what she was doing. she was just hoping that what she thought was best,.,. was good. and she had a moment of great fear that what she was doing was hurting her child. and she wanted to do smth else to change and make it better for both of them. all norma has ever had is good intentions. love makes u do crazy things. and she did crazy things out of the sometimes dangerous love she had for her child. but she cant take full blame for what norman is and became. being the parent of a psychopath is not gonna be fucking easy and a literal cake walk with a manual on how to succeed. all norma fucking wanted was a normal life for her and her son. and normal life that she never got to have throughout her childhood. and teenage years. and into her married life with both of her husbands.

she could never catch a fucking break. and she never did. she never. fucking. did. shitty childhood, 2 shitty marriages, a kid who resulted from being raped by her brother, a kid that was more than just mentally unstable. and her own mental wellbeing never treated was just. the fucking cherry on top. and even after she dies she didn’t even get peace until after norman died, considering he was lugging her dead body around. when ppl talk about norma, her mental health is not often in the conversation. but quite honestly. norma's entire mental state had to have been absolutely exhausting for her. she needed serious help. and she needed it well before norman even came into the her life. i think the only time she realized that… this isnt how normal people live. is when she was with alex... alex gave her a real glimpse into a type of normalcy she had never experienced. honestly. i would like to believe she eventually would have gone into therapy had she survived. and even if norman had stayed at the live-in hospital and didnt try to kill her, she and alex were not going to magically start living a beautiful, good life. she was going to need some serious therapy herself. and i just know she wouldnt bring herself to do that all by herself. i think if anyone could help her decide to help herself... that person would without and doubt be alex. norma truly was beaten down by life at every corner. anyone in her shoes with that kind of history and mental wellbeing would be in an unbelievable amount of pain on the inside. when thinking about how this all plays into her relationship with norman... i just think she loved norman to the best of her ability. but it was from a perspective warped by extreme mental illness, fatigue and injury of her own. to add to this exhausting amount of mental turmoil, came her exhausting love for norman. god i love this woman so much. she is everything to me.

This hit me so damn hard. People ask why I love this show so much and the reason is above. Vera Farmiga portrays Norma so brilliantly and I couldn't think of anyone else who could do it better.

Romanticizing the relationship she and Norman had is unhealthy yes, but she loved her son so much she would do anything to keep him safe. Norma Bates is a fucking warrior- fictional character or not.