#*ALTERNATIVELY alternatively it turns out that they are actually SUPER good parents!

[answrs]

okay but what's the average lifecycle of a typical tynamo→eelektross look like? they (at least appear to) start out as tynamo in chargestone cave, but their evolved forms seem absent from the environment. do they migrate as they evolve? what makes them so rare in what seems to be the only place the species is endemic to? where do their different stages fit into the food web? what do they eat as they grow? what eats *them*? would they be cannibalistic? are the young parasitic? are there mons (and a few concerned lost trainers) wandering around with circular wounds but otherwise unharmed, ala lamprey/cookiecutter shark? do eelektrik and eventually eelektross move out towards the ocean or rivers, only rarely returning to breed, or do they sink deeper into the depths of the caves where the water pools deep?

look im pretty sure im at least mildly sick at this point but suddenly this is the worldbuilding i NEED to think about right now immediately

[ew-selfish-art]

Demon Twin AU 

Tim Drake comes across a LOA manuscript detailing the sacrifice of a Demon Heir that’s dated around the time Damian is born and brings it to the cave. There’s no other mention of what went down, but it looks like Damian was a twin and the twin was thrown into the Lazaras Pits- Tim kind of forgets about it but shows it to Damian cause he figures that the guy deserves to know, and leaves it out for Bruce to see (basically the same thing as telling him). It doesn’t really change much but there is an obscured name in the corner so they can presume that the kid’s name would have been something starting with D A N. 

Well here’s the thing: Names carry power. Damian reaches out to John Constantine to ensure that the child is actually dead, because presumably John can do that. John wants to give the kid some closure, so he does what is supposed to be a super chill seance to an infant. He pricks Robin’s finger, chants a little and the air... turns violent.

Uh oh. Dan appears, unshackled from his prison in the Infinite Realms now that John has called upon them by someone with Familial blood. He cackles madly about the fact that it’ll be a good time to bring about the apocalypse again, promising to spare the bird for now, since he would have to get answers later. 

The alarms are blaring, the whole JL is hands on deck to try and stop Dan as he attacks across the globe. They’re saving as many civilian lives as possible but its getting very HAIRY in less than 2 hrs. Robin is out in the chaos, trying to track him down with John and Zatanna trying to recapture him and banish him back to the realms. 

Phantom touches down just as the three of them reach Dan- Danny has some choice words for his older alternate timeline self, including “This is why you have no friends.” and “Seriously, you didn’t even stop to say hi to my timeline’s Jazz this time.” and “Soup time for 1,000 years and then we can talk remediation.” 

After a short but brutal fight, Danny floats over to Damian, John and Z. After making sure they’re all right he’s like “Maybe you can never do that again? Also tell me how and why you did that so I can banish that spell?” And Damian explains that it was meant to ensure that the infant twin he never knew had passed peacefully and clearly that was not the case. Danny blinks a few times, uh, a twin?

Damian goes through the shit, John explains that it was a familial summoning meant to be an advanced seance (hence the lack of safe guards to keep the entity in) and Z confirms that there was nothing special to it beyond that. 

Danny then explains, that uh, “I guess my parents weren’t kidding when they told me I was adopted. Hi? I’m your brother. Uh, I go by Danny though. Dan was me in a different timeline and he’s normally under super strict lockdown.” 

[cutielights]

Hey pookie!! I luv ur work sm and I was wondering if u could do a rottmnt boys x spider woman reader ab them reacting to her stopping a collider like miles did? Idek if u watched into the spider verse but maybe something like that if not u could wing it if you'd like tysm hope u have a good day/night! ❤️

>>:] yes. For the purposes of writing, im going to act as if you were a spider person for at least a year before this. Not supposed to be Miles’ story, but pretty similar (if that makes sense)

i waNT THE THIRD MOVIE. Frikin dying of miles morales deprivation over here, hand over the sunflower boy with in tact parents

@moonchhu THE OTHER SPIDER PERSON ONE TAG LIST

That Really Big Earthquake

LEO

“Heyyyy, I haven’t seen you in twenty four hours which truly is a record for us, I missed you, did you miss me? I bet you did right? Go on tell me aaaalllll about it.”

“So, I was just kinda minding my own business, y’know, thwipping and thwapping and going about being an awesome hero when I bumped into myself? Kinda. They looked like me, but they were different, and didn’t look like me, but, I knew they were me! Because my spider sense went off and they could do stuff I could do, but also some different stuff! And then we freaked out for a little bit before I went to auntie May to show her and she showed me four more other me’s who were hiding out in her basement and then we tried getting them home and we had to sneak about in this fancy restaurant wearing bow ties, and we cried and they went into this collider thing, also it turns out my favourite cousin was working for the evil genius corporation and he’s dead now and it feels like my fault, I’m so totally fine don’t worry about me. Howwasyourday?”

“Haha, what.”

“Stopped the collapsing of the multiverse.”

“Oh it sounds so simple when you put it like that.” Yeah okay sarcasm queen

Made you some tea after that, let’s just, take a breath for a minute, m’kay?

He has decided it’s a self care day now, at least he did after thoroughly checking you for injuries

How you do not have a concussion will always escape him, not one broken bone? Seriously? After all that?

Please remind him you’re an actual super hero and not a pane of glass

“Wait what was that about your cousin?”

RAPH

“Hey! How was your weekend?”

“Crazier than yours.”

“Okay, Bet.”

One explanation later sponge bob narrator voice

“Wait, so you’re telling Raph, that huge earthquake that happened, happened because of you and five alternate versions of yourself?

“That’s excluding a lot of things I just told you but, I am telling Raph that, yes.”

Huge bone crushing hugs are in order, according to him at least. And I mean, is he wrong?

Not letting you out of his sight for ages, please, Raph, let them go home

“Why are you so worried? I did it, I won!”

“It’s more the fact that it happened and less the fact that you’re mostly fine.”

DONNIE

Othello Von Ryan: Stay home, S.H.E.L.LD.O.N has picked up on some strange (possibly universal fabric destroying) activity. Also there has been some earthquake activity in the area you were in yesterday, not that I have a tracker on you. Because I don’t.

Only Two Legs: I handled it don’t worry :D

Othello Von Ryan: ?

Othello Von Ryan: Traverse to My Lab.

“Heyyy Deee.”

“Stop. Explain. This better be your attempt at humor.”

There was silence for a long while after you had messily glued together words to describe the past 24 hours, before he took a deep breath.

“First, How dare you stop the multiverse from collapsing without me that’s incredible rude. Second, therapy. Third, that earthquake and power surge destroyed My Lab, thankfully I have backup backups to my backups, but I couldn’t use the internet for an hour straight.”

“Y- You’re more concerned about the internet?”

“Not what I said. Now let me check you for a concussion.”

MIKEY

“Hey they took down those art displays.”

“The what?”

“Oh you weren’t here, BUT there was these reaaaallllyyyyy cool art statues along this street! Look, hey, look, I took pics!”

“Oh cooollluuuhhh that’s not an art display that’s five different fire hydrants merged into each other.”

“Haha yeah it does kinda look like that doesn’t it? I thought it was supposed to be a dog.”

“Mikey, no-“ You pulled him aside into an empty alleyway, trying to explain what had happened over the past twenty four hours.

It was an interesting experience, but you got there eventually.

Best believe this boy is giving you the biggest hug ever, and then buying pizza.

Oh, and Dr Feelings is going to be paying you a visit. Multiple. You can’t escape him.

“So they weren’t art displays?”

Speedily bulk writing and scheduling rn bc im going on a holiday with zero internet.

[radiance1]

Let's combine your most common AUs

Instead of a teddy bear, 5 year old Danny has a plushy eastern dragon when he has his portal accident

Alternately, teen Danny gains the power to turn into a bear. Maybe an Ursa from MLP:FiM. Aragon probably still wants him for being a magic star bear in that case

Forgive me for the late response.

Hm, a two in one that I'm not sure which to do, so why not both!

Danny's favorite mythical creature was the eastern dragon, so much so that he begged his parents for a plushy of one for his birthday, they ordered one, and then he got one.

He's only ever been so happy when he found out about the wonders of space.

Despite his parents multiple attempts at trying to get him involved in Ghosts, he's just been spending his time playing around with his plush imagining both of them flying through space on super dangerous missions or exploring.

Of course, the one time he was interested in one of his parents inventions was because they said that the place they were trying to get too was basically like space.

As in, they meant the vastness of it and the unexplored territory.

But Danny took it as that it actually was space, and got extremely excited over it, much to his parents glee because he was finally showing interest in their work.

None of them could have guessed the fate that would befall such an interest, however.

An amount of time later, when his parents and sister were dead asleep, Danny sneaked his way down into the lab. Bypassing the security systems by using the methods he watched his parents do, not that they were sneaky with it, but they probably didn't expect him to remember them either.

So, in the dark of the lab, flashlight in hand, dragon plush in the other. He approached the portal. His parents said it was incomplete, but looking at it he didn't really see anything wrong with it, something about a power source and a few kinks they had to iron out that he booted from his mind. So, Dany stepped inside, just to look around, then he saw a random hole (where a button is supposed to be) and then, with his brilliant 5-year-old mind and under zero adult supervision, stuck his flashlight inside it to look around.

Such was the case of it somehow turning on, zapping Danny, his plush, and his flashlight all at once and remaking him into the body of a plush dragon boyo.

He was ecstatic at first when he found himself his plush toy because its cool, confused the next because he was glowing, even more so confused when he looked around and saw green and floating islands.

This wasn't space.

He didn't know how to get home, so he went exploring to try and find one.

===

Never has Danny so hated yet loved an ability of his.

Turning into a bear was never on his list of things he thought would ever happen to him, despite having fought an alternate him from a different timeline. Danny just, never thought that far about things like this.

Of course, an instant plus for him was that there were literal stars floating around inside his body and, if he concentrated enough, he would be able to form any constellation he wanted to!

The size was another plus, along with the physical strength that came with it. He could literally look down on anyone he wanted to, which is always good in his opinion.

Of course, the part he hated came in the form of an enemy previously forgotten and discarded, coming back for round 2, 3, 4, 5, etc. Trying to force him into a marriage.

Recently, he's just been slapping the guy around for a bit because leaving. But Prince Aragon was many things, surprisingly persistent was one of them, even if Danny could always be sure of his victory, it was annoying to the farthest reaches of space and back how many times he keeps coming back.

Of course, Danny had to vamoosh as soon as Prince Aragon came close to beating him even once, which is way too many times in his opinion. Hell, he even got Vlad of all people to help him cover for him when he went on the escape (how Jazz managed to do it, he would never know).

He eventually ended up in some random mountain, that's surprisingly furnished as if someone lived here, yet also extremely dusty and rundown as if it was abandoned. Then he decided, hey, why not just live here?

He just needed to fix it up a bit, which was require him to be human-ish (same as Dragon Danny, except this time with the bear paws, ears, tail and that) to get at the places that need a smaller and more dexterous hand.

Eventually, he did manage to clean up the place to relatively working order! Maybe replace some things, like that TV, but all in all he's happy with what he did!

What he wasn't happy with however, is these random people pulling up to his place and calling it their base.

[sunderingstars]

☆━━━━━ ⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☾ ◯ ☽₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆ ━━━━━━☆

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTER! ⌝

sampo analysis m.list

— a silly little overview of different "sampos" i find interesting

— not meant to be taken super seriously or canonically, but can tie in to some of the theories i have

— in the true spirit of elation, these aren't hills i'm willing to die on, just ones that are fun to play around with :3

— feel free to use for writing/art inspiration!

— i add to this periodically as new sampos catch my eye!

— word count: 3k (good lord)

— 🎭s indicate aha!sampo

☆━━━━━ ⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☾ ◯ ☽₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆ ━━━━━━☆

🎭 sampo "midlife crisis" koski

— at risk of losing his aeon/emanatorhood

— doesn’t find anything funny anymore

— tired of being behind the scenes

— becoming a buzzkill (having “lines” he won’t cross)

— taking drastic measures to improve his quality of life (fucking off to a random ass snow planet to scam people)

note: may lead to a villain arc — sampo "renewed vigor" koski — in which he remembers why he used to love tormenting people, conquers his midlife crisis, and returns to pure elated insanity. this is bad for everyone involved for obvious reasons

🎭 sampo "how're you gonna win if you never take any risks?" koski

— aha took drastic measures to secure their success, either through memory erasure, mortal transformation, giving up power, or all three

— under the radar, civilian aha

— trying to circumvent “destiny” through delusional self-confidence

— enter sampo i mean aha i mean sampo i mean aha i mean s

sampo "ceaseless watcher's special little boy" koski

— not aha but aha definitely likes him

— perhaps an avatar or emanator of some sort

— whether he likes aha or not is up for debate

— can easily turn into sampo "ceaseless watcher get their ass" koski, in which sampo becomes a little too fond of invoking his status as aha's favorite to accomplish his own goals

alternate possibility: he’s aha’s favorite due to his pathetic nature and slutty hip windows, he just doesn’t know it. he thinks his luck is due to his own talent & skill (it is literally outside eldritch forces beyond his control)

sampo "close enough" koski

— not an actual aeon, but rather a vessel for aha’s power or consciousness on varying levels

— perhaps akin to caelus/stelle being a stellaron receptacle

sampo "let's get you back to bed grandpa" koski

— the wear and tear of a long life has taken its toll on him

— despite the infinity of time, he has become out-of-sync with newer masked fools members, who regard him as an “old timer”

— isn’t shown much respect, and is frequently asked why he isn’t as cool as he used to be

— also know as sampo "L + ratio + fell off" koski

— “peaked in high school” energy

— can be either aha, emanator, or similar high status

🎭 sampo "in rehab" koski

— aeonic existence isn’t easy and can, in fact, take a toll on those that ascend from human forms

— he finally decided that maybe he should make a change

— and has thus embarked on a healing journey

— therapeutic exercises include: scamming people, starting pyramid schemes, selling artifacts on the black market, and more!

sampo "ultimate dealmaker" koski

— in a contract or some sort of deal with aha in exchange for power, money, or a combination or the two

— possession? who knows

🎭 sampo "i'm not mad i'm just disappointed" koski

— doesn’t understand why his children have strayed so far

— “where did i go wrong? why do they think this is funny? do they even care about the worm?”

— has the energy of an exasperated parent watching his kids flush car keys down the toilet again

🎭 sampo "horrified creator" koski

— aha & the masks have outgrown their creator (sampo) and have gone off to do their own aeonic thing, leaving him behind

— he thinks it’s all insane, actually, and he’s very disappointed and very tired

— trying to pick up the pieces of whatever mayhem the aha!masks cause

— aha!masks keep him around for fun

— “i should never have laughed at that goddamn baby”

sampo "me and aha kiss on the weekends" koski

— just a silly little guy who has somehow wormed his way into the heart of an eldritch being

— in it for the mind-bending sex

sampo "blasphemy" koski

— technically affiliated with the masked fools but doesn’t subscribe to their beliefs

— thinks aha is a load of horseshit but needs to keep up with what they’re doing to circumvent it

— may have been formerly in a high-ranking position, or just another guy with a mask

— aha probably wronged him or did some fucked up shit in the past and now he has a vendetta

🎭 sampo "stole my fucking thunder" koski

— someone stole aha’s power. that’s it

— sampo is salty

— 10/10 betrayal plot

potential inverse: he’s the one stealing aha’s power

sampo "my boss sucks and i want to quit" koski

— tired, overworked employee of the masked fools

— views aha as a sort of fucked up insane ceo that he wants nothing to do with but is unfortunately contractually obligated to work for

— wants to start a union

🎭 sampo "next in line" koski

— can also branch into sampo "formerly in line" koski or sampo "abdication" koski

— wherein aha’s power or masks are akin to titles or positions that are passed down between different people, somewhat akin to how “crowns” and “kings” work

— in this case, sampo would either be currently in line for this power, formerly in line for this power, or has actually been in power but abdicated or otherwise lost/gave up/moved on from his position

— this could be natural or otherwise

note: this does not have to be solely for aha, this kind of power transfer could work for other high-ranking positions like emanator or organization leader

🎭 sampo "this price was too steep..." koski

— got a bit cocky and wagered his aeonhood

— is now in a Not Great position

sampo "i hate owing people things" koski

— owes aha one

— does not like owing people things

— doing whatever he needs to cancel out the debt

🎭 sampo "i was crazy back then lol" koski

— the universe’s idea of aha writ large is based on an outdated version of their personality

— this always annoys sampo because he has to be constantly reminded of his insane college days before he mellowed out

— the type to reminisce over wine and say “yeah that worm thing was wild. i was crazy back then huh”

🎭 sampo "committed to the bit" koski

— one of my personal favorites

— became mortal as a joke

— ended up liking it a little too much

— doesn’t really want to go back

sampo "worm on a string" koski

— what is a man if not just another omniscient worm destined for tragedy?

��� he’s a puppet, basically

— & he just gets wormed around like he’s on a string

— hence the name

— another one of aha’s classic cosmic jokes

🎭 sampo "one of many" koski

— ties into my split consciousness theory

— aha split their personality into multiple people (either as a joke or for a bigger reason) and sampo is one of those pieces

🎭 sampo "yeah i heard aha was super cool and hot and sexy and smart and did i mention sexy" koski

— big fan of the rumor mill

— can’t help but try to win people over to the elation even when he’s supposed to be laying low

— he’s not fooling anyone. just yesterday serval watched him laugh until he cried because a kid dropped their ice cream. he is not slick

🎭 sampo "reverted to babey" koski

— someway, somehow, aha got reverted back to who they were before they ascended to aeonhood

— now sampo is just really fucking confused (and annoyed because mortal life is pretty annoying)

sampo "character creation screen" koski

— aha just had a silly goofy lil day & wanted to create a guy

— so they did

— sampo acts as a kind of controlled character who’s self-aware about his position as a playable character

— or alternatively he was turned loose with no purpose scaramouche-style and is now just fucking around doing whatever

sampo "failed clone" koski

— obligatory clone theory

— aha tried to clone themself. it wasn’t as funny as they wanted

— sampo is the result

— aha realizing sampo was a bit of a buzzkill: “i don’t want to play with you anymore”

🎭 sampo "vicarious existence" koski

— part of the split consciousness theory

— aha sectioned off or created a part of themself that can live in a way they can’t (i.e. have free will beyond the elation)

— similar to the focalors/furina situation in genshin

sampo "trojan horse" koski

— is his own person, under the impression he has free will, but is being used as an unknowing vehicle for eventual Big Aha Moment

🎭 sampo "can't remember shit" koski

— he forgor :((

— used to be aha but doesn’t know that

— most likely erased his own memory in order to accomplish a planned endgame

🎭 sampo "you don't wanna see me when i transform" koski

— dual consciousness theory

— sampo koski as a human is much more rational and reasonable than eldritch-form aha

— sampo likes to stay as sampo as much as possible because he doesn’t like what he becomes when he changes forms

— may lead to a tragic arc where, in order to defend belobog, he reverts to his aeonic form knowing he won’t be able to transform back

sampo "lmao got you" koski

— all signs pointing towards aeon or emanator status are red herrings

— he’s just really good at gaslighting to get what he wants

sampo "whoops i got attached" koski

— fucked off to belobog for whatever reason

— got surprisingly attached

— belobog now has an extremely powerful entity/protector without even knowing it

— “it’s just a weird insane little place. very charming” — sampo, probably

🎭 sampo "elias bouchard" koski

— just a shell for aha, jonah magnus style

— used to be his own person, but got yoinked along the way

🎭 sampo "5d mind chess" koski

— knows exactly what he’s been doing from the beginning

— strategic placement on belobog to meet the trailblazer

— has done a damn good job of coming off as “normal pathetic scammer mcgee” to distract from larger plans

🎭 sampo "just like everyone else" koski

— for whatever reason, aha is insistent that they be treated just like any other member of the masked fools; same rules, same hierarchy, everything

— this results in everyone looking at him weirdly but not saying anything and trying to strike up casual conversation with their literal aeon

sampo "gimme your eldritch money" koski

— the final form of scammers everywhere

— he’s scammed everyone he possibly can, and now there’s only one thing left: to scam an aeon

— chooses aha + the masked fools because there’s a good chance he’ll get stuff just because aha is amused with him

— tries to link aha up with a pyramid scheme

sampo "you should see me in a crown" koski

— either on a delusional self-confident power trip or gunning for aha’s power

— can be aha, emanator, or other high-ranking position, but aha works the best if sampo wants to go all the way up the ladder

— thinks he’s the best ever and can never fail, pairs well with “5d mind chess” sampo like fine wine

— drunk on power/worship

🎭 sampo "wine aunt" koski

— also known as sampo "washed up aeon" koski

— he’s out of the limelight, whether that means he passed on his power, had it taken from him in a free for all, or just wants to retire, and now he’s kicking back with a margarita and enthralling the belobog locals with “hypothetical” scenarios that are actually crazy mind-bending stories from his glory days

— he’s not as great as he used to be, nor does he have the power of a full-fledged aeon anymore, but belobog appreciates him all the same (goes hand in hand with sampo "just like everyone else" koski)

— “geez yeah, ix is so annoying. such a buzzkill, really, that guy even hates knock-knock jokes. i mean, who hates knock-knock jokes? … hypothetically, of course.” — sampo, probably

🎭 sampo "zhongli the funeral consultant" koski

— aha is secretly “dead” but no one knows

— perhaps the masked fools know, but either way sampo has either already faked his death, is currently doing it, or is planning to in the future

— he just wants to retire man, and if that means he has to “fall” then so be it

sampo "just a silly guy" koski

— there is actually nothing special to this man at all

— he’s just a guy. just a silly little guy

— aha is laughing at all of us for even making theories about him

sampo "aha jr." koski

— sampo is a doll created by aha like in the simulated universe occurrence, having the same appearance as aha’s human form and sharing personality & path attributes

— most likely wants to break away from the elation’s influence but doesn’t know how

— views aha as a really fucked up dad

sampo "oh my god i'm in a cult" koski

— raised in the masked fools, didn’t realize how batshit insane they were until a Formative Traumatic Event occurred and he went “oh.. oh no…..”

— estranged from most of the members but still deals with them in the way you do when you hate your family but have to put up with them at holiday dinners

— maybe got to a high position of power before, but left when he realized it wasn’t good for him

sampo "partners in crime" koski

— him & aha are friends, besties even

— knows the risks of working with an aeon but can’t say no when that much money is involved

🎭 sampo "for funsies" koski

— if aha can give the entire universe’s knowledge to a worm for fun, then by god they can give all of their power and aeonhood to a silly little guy randomly for no reason whatsoever (especially if he doesn’t want it)

— constantly fighting against increasingly powerful eldritch control

— “young god”

— canon in my heart

sampo "reality tv" koski

— part of the vicarious emanator theory

— aha gave him all their power and basically watches him like a reality show

— *pokes sampo with a stick* “hey why aren’t you doing anything” — aha, probably

— constant voyeurism

sampo "communism" koski

— part of the dual consciousness and vicarious emanator theories

— one of aha’s emanators that they share their entire path with

— “our” power

— perhaps some sort of memory or consciousness sharing

sampo "horse girl" koski

— “but your dream is to be an emanator”

— “no that’s your dream dad, not mine”

🎭 sampo "aeons anonymous" koski

— aeon in rehabilitation

— wants to start a former aeon support group

🎭 sampo "power receptacle" koski

— in which the masks function as the true “aha” and sampo has given them up or put them away for safekeeping

— “sparkle please please i’m so serious just let me put it back on once. no seriously only once i promise i won’t go insane like last time i’ll be so normal it’ll only be for five minutes please” — sampo, probably

sampo "one-sided hate boner" koski

— man absolutely hates aha (probably for backstory reasons)

— aha doesn’t care at best and at worst thinks it’s really really funny

— “you burned my house to the ground!”

— “🤷”

— “my family is dead!”

— “🤷”

— bonus points if aha makes him an emanator or something

sampo "significant annoyance" koski

— dedicated to being as annoying as possible to aha, whether out of spite, a vendetta, or sheer interest

— aha finds this funny so they let him stick around

— “he graffitied my mask with a bunch of dicks and it took me years to get it off. isn’t he just the greatest little guy?” — aha, probably

sampo "god's silliest soldier" koski

— aha gives their hardest battles to their silliest soldiers

— and that is sampo

sampo "true wild card" koski

— he’s not aha, an emanator, or any higher status

— he is quite literally just That Good as a regular human being

🎭 sampo "cosmic irony" koski

— “man, it sure would suck to be aha the aeon of elation. glad i don’t have to deal with that. i love being mortal”

— “🎭🎉👀”

— “HOW DID YOU GET IN MY HOUSE”

sampo "cult leader" koski

— humility is a facade

— “lines” he won’t cross are a facade

— everything is for the purpose of appearing like the perfect leader (or candidate for leader)

— secretly the most insane out of anyone

sampo "secret agent man" koski

— doing aha’s bidding willingly

— a goon. a henchman even

sampo "tainted love" koski

— aha isn’t the most healthy person to be around, on account of the ten billion cosmic torments jokes they throw around on a daily basis

— guinea pig sampo is TIRED

sampo "sacrificial lamb" koski

— may or may not be aware of his sacrificial status

— created or being manipulated into a position where he becomes collateral for aha doing whatever the fuck they wanna do

sampo "impromptu therapist" koski

— the receiver of many rants and complaints unrelated to him within the masked fools

— becomes the “advice friend” even though this man should never be trusted for reliable advice

— but surprisingly he is the most reliable within the masked fools

sampo "sanest masked fool" koski

— just a long-suffering member of an organization whose followers are some of the most insane people you’ll ever meet

— permanent eye bags for having to put up with them

🎭 sampo "michael distortion" koski

— he was a regular guy once, but ended up absorbing aha’s eldritch power one way or another

— potential assimilation into one form

— aha didn’t expect the joke to joke back

sampo "court jester" koski

— similar to "ceaseless watcher's special little boy"

— the king’s (aha’s) favorite little jester

— and also they make out sometimes

— has a semblance of protection afforded to him by being the favorite (he uses this to his advantage)

— “jester’s privilege”

sampo "try me" koski

— aha is physically keeping tabs on the trailblazer

— sampo is too, but only to swat aha’s hand away like a kid reaching into a cookie jar

— usually a mad dash to see who gets there first

— leads to many situations where they make tense eye contact across the street or smth

— subsists off of pure spite & annoyance

🎭 sampo "favored of humanity" koski

— aha is one of the aeons closest with humanity, and has such developed a more “mortal” frame of mind over time

— eventually if you spend enough time around mortals you might just turn back into one

🎭 sampo "hedonist" koski

— why is he doing any of this? who knows

— who can possibly understand the machinations of what an aeon finds funny

— eldritch humor beyond our comprehension

🎭 sampo "cosplayer extraordinaire" koski

— “so this is my humansona his name is sampo koski he likes scamming people and has slutty slutty hip windows”

— likes to stay in character as much as possible

— kinda like playing a dnd character 24/7

sampo "long-suffering host" koski

— somewhat dual consciousness theory

— aha is just up there, and sampo has to listen to their annoying ass constantly

— can be a joke, chill possession scenario, or necessity for aha due to external circumstances

— may be a side effect of emanator status, or may just be another Classic Cosmic Joke™

sampo "unwilling hierophant" koski

— informercial: how would YOU like to receive PERSONAL and INCESSANT psychic messages from eldritch forces beyond your comprehension?

— “geez ew no”

— infomercial: is that a YES?

— “no”

— infomercial: thank you for signing up for our FREE TRIAL service!

— “wait no”

— infomercial: text "NO PLEASE STOP NO" to 69420 to UNSUBSCRIBE from the Laughter’s FREE psychic telepathy service

— “NO PLEASE STOP NO”

— phone: thank you for subscribing to our LIFETIME PLAN of FREE, UNCEASING, TORMENTING visions from AHA THE ELATION. please enjoy your COMPLIMENTARY descent into insanity!

— “god fucking damnit”

sampo "vacant apartment" koski

— possession receptacle that’s no longer in use and is left up to his own devices

sampo "moved to iceland and became a sheep herder" koski

— living off the grid

— only came back because something bad is gonna happen to belobog

— can be aha, emanator, or other high-ranking position

🎭 sampo "undercover boss" koski

— keeping tabs on the masked fools because they’re fanatical

— “what the hell guys this is not what i want” — sampo, probably

— they say or do something and he’s just like “not funny. didn’t laugh”

— y’know when people say “if jesus came down to earth, he’d be disappointed at what people are doing in his name” — yea that’s sampo but like for real

— damage control

☆━━━━━ ⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☾ ◯ ☽₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆ ━━━━━━☆

© written by sunderingstars. do not copy, repost, translate, modify, or claim my work as your own.

[bouncybongfairy]

Woodstock 1999

Rick Sanchez x Fem Reader

Summary: After attending a house party, thrown by your friend Summer, you end up meeting Rick. While making small talk, you tell him about the Woodstock 99' documentary that you had just seen and that you wish you could have seen Korn from that festival. Rick is confident that you wouldn’t be able to handle yourself in a crowd like that. When you disagree, Rick tries to call your bluff. By taking you to an alternative reality where Woodstock 99 is taking place.

Word Count: 3k+

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

You were sweeping the floors, finishing up your shift at the grocery store you worked at. It was Thursday and the store had been relatively quiet for most of the night. Only a couple more customers were wandering the isles, picking up last-minute items.. You were pretty tired, this started as a summer job but you ended up keeping it throughout the school year. It was nice to have extra money for clothes and outings with your friends, it almost made up for how depleting work was. You heard the assistance bell ring from the register, which prompts you to run over. You were pleasantly surprised to see Summer and her mom, you share most of your classes with the redhead. She has actually spent the night at your house a couple of times and vice-versa. You give her a quick mom and start scanning her items. Her mom was going on and on about how all the bottles of wine were for a family event, you looked over at Summer who was rolling her eyes. You held back a chuckle and continued to make polite conversation with Beth. After you bagged their groceries, Beth walked back to the car but Summer stayed back to talk. 

“So obviously the family event thing was a lie but I am throwing a party tomorrow while my parents are doing this couple retreat thing. You should totally come,” Summer said. 

“Yeah that sounds really fun, did you already invite half the school?” you joked while wiping down the counter. 

“A lot of people are coming, yeah, but it’ll still be fun,” she said. 

“Yeah for sure, do you want me to bring anything?” you asked. 

“Just your hot ass and maybe a bottle would be cool. My mom is calling. I got to go but I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said while walking away. 

Normally a house party isn’t really your scene but you were feeling kinda excited. For the past two months, you’ve been in a bit of a funk. Only going to school and work, not feeling up to doing your make-up most days, and dressing pretty bummy. You felt like a good party would break you out of that. Summer and you had a lot of mutual friends so you knew you would have company no matter what. You checked out the last customer and locked the door behind them. You grabbed some stuff for your lunch tomorrow and two bottles of Red Berry Ciroc. The store was owned by an older gentleman who sadly had dementia, his 29-year-old son now runs the store. As long as you gave him an extra ten for each bottle you bought he would look the other way when it came to age. You took an Uber home and immediately got in the shower. Scrubbing all the sweat off your body and lathering your hair in shampoo as Molly Kate Kestne’s Prom Queen blasted through a speaker. You stayed in the hot water until you felt at risk of passing out. You give your mom a kiss on the cheek, wishing her a good night before going to your bedroom. After turning on Jersey Shore as background noise, you fall asleep in your towel; completely worn out by your school and work week. 

When you woke up, you were surprised that you slept through the night considering you didn’t get too comfortable before falling asleep. You were feeling extremely well-rested, it wasn’t until you were halfway done with your hair that you remembered about Summer’s party. You were super excited, you had this Saturday off which meant you didn’t have to worry about having a hangover. You throw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and start gathering things into your book bag. Once you got to school, you couldn’t stop counting down the hours until you could leave. It felt like years had gone by once it was finally time for lunch. You were sitting with a group of friends who were all talking about Summer’s party. Maybe it’s because you have a job but your friends seem a lot less mature over these past couple of months. It seemed like if it wasn’t posted or extremely extra then it didn’t happen. I don’t know, it just felt like they did everything for shock value or clout. You thought it was weird how upset they would get if they didn’t look good in a video of them taking a shot or not taking a picture with the blunt before it was smoked. Sometimes you wish you could record how they act during those times and show them later. You pick at your salad, tuning out of their conversation until the bell rings. 

Once the last period ended you bolted out of the front doors and made your way home. You flat ironed your hair and started applying a bit of makeup. Rummaging through your closet, you ended up wearing a tube top and a pair of baggy cargo jeans. You grabbed one of the biggest purses you could find grabbed a tee-shirt and wrapped the two vodka bottles in a way that avoids any clanking sound. Your pen, make-up bag, charger, and a couple of other items. You end up walking to Summer’s house seeing that it’s only a 20-minute walk. When you got there, the sun was just barely setting and teenagers were flocking to the house. The house was practically shaking due to how loud the music was. When you walked in you practically had to wave a cloud out of your face. Summer immediately noticed you when you walked in and came over to greet you. 

“Hey! Oh my gosh, I’m so glad you came!” Summer said. 

“Yeah me too, I needed this really bad. Also.. here are those bottles,” you said, taking the vodka out of your purse. 

“Wow, I didn’t think you were gonna bring anything. I’m gonna chill these,” she said, grabbing the bottles and leading you into the kitchen. When you walked in Rick was leaning against the countertop. She shoved the bottles deep into the freezer, in hopes of speeding up the process.

“If you can’t drink -burp- the liquor at room temperature you’re probably not mature enough to be drinking at all,” Rick said, taking a swig from his flask. 

“What if we just prefer it chilled? Just because you can doesn’t mean you shouldn’t” you point out. 

“Yeah, Grandpa and after I smoke I don’t like the way hot ass liquor feels on my throat,” Summer said, closing the fridge door. 

“Doesn’t matter whether your liquor is cold or hot, your party is gonna suck since you put a ban on any of my friends coming. Seems a little like bigotry in my opinion,” Rick said. 

Summer ignored him and led you to her bedroom where a girl from your school Tricia Lange was packing a bowl. You asked Summer if it was okay to leave the party unattended. She joked ‘That’s what Morty is for’ which made you and Tricia laugh. She offered you greens which flattered you, after cornering the bowl you handed it to Summer. Coming off a two-week tolerance break, the weed was hitting you fast and hard. You tilted your head up and blew the smoke up into the air. Tricia complimented you on how pretty you looked which made you blush because.. hello its Tricia Lange, one of the hottest girls in your grade. You guys were making small talk when Summer pulled out a pink crystal and started crushing it into a fine powder. 

“What is that?” you asked. 

“It’s a Kalaxian crystal, it’s pretty mild like snorting molly kinda,” Summer said, lining up the power. 

“I.. don’t know about that,” you said looking at the powder suspiciously. 

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about it showing up on a drug test or anything. It’s not detectable with Earth’s drug tests,” Tricia said, setting her hand on your shoulder. 

“No, well that’s good to know actually but imma need to see you take a bump before I do,” you said. 

“You humor me,” Summer said, using a hundred-dollar bill to snort the powder, her eyes turning a baby blue.

Summer passed the tray to Tricia who mimicked her action. Your heart was racing as her manicured hands passed the tray over to you. Not wanting to come off as a prude, you took the rolled-up bill into your hand and brought it up to your nose. You sniffed the powder into your nose and coughed a little because the taste was so foreign. The two girls lead you downstairs where the party is now packed and a bit unhinged. Couples making out against any available wall space they could find, groups of people who were surrounding a person smoking out of a gravity bong. Drugs by Lil Aaron was blaring out of several speakers, drowning out almost every other sound. The three of you were dancing together in the living room with several of your peers. You were feeling so euphoric and magical; like you could float off the ground if you really tried. It was then that Summer reminded you of the Ciroc bottles that were in the freezer. All three of you took a shot and cringed as it went down. Summer and Tricia left to go to the bathroom leaving you in the kitchen. You were pretty intoxicated at this point and started to wander. You end up in the garage, where Rick is sitting at his workstation. 

“Out!” he barked which caused you to jump and gasp due to how loud and aggressive he sounded, he didn’t even look up. 

“S-sorry I -which way..” you started but Rick got up and walked over to you. He grabbed your chin and tilted your head up. 

“I told Summer to stop giving K-Crystals to her little friends,” he said, seeing the effects from your eyes. You looked over a noticed he had a Woodstock 99’ ticket pinned onto his wall. 

“You -hiccup- went to Woodstock 99? You- you’re so lucky you got to see Korn from that crowd,” you slurred without breaking eye contact. He laughed and let go of your chin and walked back to his workstation. 

“Did you actually go?” you asked, walking over to him. 

“I thought I said to get out earlier,” he said. 

“I have selective hearing,” you said, picking up a screwdriver. 

“I’m lost, is that supposed to be my problem?” he said. 

“Well it -burp- if you really wanted it to be,” you giggled.

“Yeah as much of a catch as you are, I think I’ll pass,” he laughed.

“Oh please I bet I’d be the best pussy you’ve had in months,” you laugh but quickly change expressions as Rick stands up and towers over you. 

“Do you really think that you would be an unachievable fantasy to me? Like I’m some sad old stockbroker who has to rely on naivety to get laid? Don’t insult me,” Rick said, taking a sip of his flask without stepping away. 

“Your shirt -hiccup- looks so soft, imagine if we could have gone to Woodstock together. You’re so tall that I wouldn’t have to worry about guys reaching up and groping me and I would have the most amazing view of some of the coolest bands of all time,” you said, feeling your high slowly start to come down. He smirked at you before turning around locking the garage door and opening a portal, dragging you through it. 

“What- where are we going?” you asked confused, adjusting your eyes to the suddenly sunny skies. 

“To call your bluff. There’s no way you could last here, it was kinda a shit show if you didn’t know,” he said. 

“I know, I watched the documentary on Netflix,” you said very matter-of-factly. 

It took your eye a couple of minutes for them to adjust but once they did, you couldn’t deny you were a little taken back. There really was a lot of nudity and white-boy aggression. You hoped Rick didn’t notice, but every once in a while, you would look behind you to make sure he was nearby. The first thing you wanted to do was get to the airbrush body paint station. You wanted Korn written across your chest in black and pink. At this point, the high of the K-Crystals was completely worn off and all you wanted was a hit of something. It was then you realized you still had your purse, you blindly reached your hand in until you felt your hand hit the cold metal of the battery. Your mouth begins salivating as bring the cart to your lips and take a long drag, blowing it up in the air. You take a couple more drags and notice that the artist has stopped. When you looked down he was just looking up at you. He was probably in his early 30s and had a 90s haircut that was short and spiked with blonde tips.  Without breaking contact take another drag and exhale as you speak. 

“Sorry, did you want a hit?” you asked playfully, looking over at Rick who was smirking with his arms crossed, evaluating the situation. The guy airbrushing you looked up at Rick who started to speak. 

“You know you didn’t come across to me as one of those girls who have nipple piercings,” Rick said. 

“Yeah I know, they’re hot right?” you asked to adjust the one that didn’t have any paint on it yet; they were bars with a chain that supported a pink bedazzled saturn charm. 

“So uh, Maria is gonna finish up our piece cool?” he said, getting up before either of you could respond which caused both of you to chuckle. 

After you were finished up with the body painting tent you made your way to the main stage. Hundreds of teens and young adults were making their way to the exact same location. It was weird because even though you knew what was going to happen, you were still bubbling with anticipation. Rick laughed and mocked you because he knew you had seen exactly what happened and still bubbled with suspense and excitement. When you asked Rick if you could actually sit on his shoulders he didn’t say anything, only nodding in agreement. You were trying to pry about the first time he ever experienced this but he would always give you a bullshit excuse like he was too wasted to remember. As you walked, guys kept approaching you, trying hard to keep conversation. You tried to be polite and at least slow down as you respectfully deny their advance. You even stopped a couple of times but Rick would gently bump into you with his body from behind to keep you walking. Once you got into the crowd, Rick took the arm and pressed his body to your back. He started guiding and shaving his way through the front of the sea of people while having his arms raised, protecting you from the crowd. 

Normally if someone was being more polite it would have taken forever to make their way to the front. Rick however wasn’t sparing any feelings as he pushed and shoved. As you people watched, you couldn’t help but take in how different people were in the 90s. One of the biggest things that tripped you out was seeing how different the hair and make-up were of the girls around you. Super thin eyebrows, a thick eyeliner waterline with clumpy mascara. Your lashes were huge and your nails were so long, it felt like everyone was staring at you.  Most of the hair extensions were god-awful but you gave them a pass considering this was a festival. The cameras were so retro-looking and looked bulky on the crew’s shoulders. Rick pulled a plastic baggie of pink powder from his lab coat. You assumed these were the same crystals you smoked earlier so didn’t think twice when snorting your fair share. Only later to find out that it was actually Molly, normally you’d be freaking out but I mean… You were in an entirely different dimension. Seemed kinda late for that. Once the intro started, Rick bent down slightly allowing you to sit on his shoulders. You could feel the energy of the crowd growing. It was almost like your heartbeat was getting more intense as the music’s rhythm began picking up. 

A camera was coming closer to you, you blew it a kiss and then took a drag of your pen. It could have been because of the drugs but you felt like you were so high in the air, you could see the top of everyone’s head.; like you were a skyscraper. You were truly having the time of your life, it was nice being able to be carefree. Being able to get as wasted or naked as you wanted knowing you had someone to take care of you. You were gently running your fingers through his hair, tugging on it a little bit. You leaned down and whispered into the top of his head, 

“Thank you for taking me here, this is amazing,” you said. 

He didn’t reply, just ran his hands up and down your leg, starting at your knees and ending at your ankles. You were feeling accomplished that he didn’t get the chance to call your bluff as he put it. When Korn wasn’t playing you could barely hear yourself think over how loud the crowd was. You couldn’t tell if Rick was mad or just concentrating. After a while, you were getting overstimulated by everything going on around you. You asked Rick if you guys could head home, and he opens a portal directly underneath you guys, dropping the both of you back into a garage. You grab the extra tee shirt from your bag and throw it over your body. 

“Thanks, we should do it again sometime,” you said before exiting the garage to find summer.

[dykeomania]

𝒎𝒊𝒂'𝒔 𝒔𝒎𝒖𝒕 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒓𝒃𝒔: parenthood (3).

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: parenthood means stress, and endurance, and exhaustion, and learning curves, and ... sometimes, really, really, really good sex?

𝐚/𝐧: this is my Parenthood (Thought) Piece because i understand that i am mentally 30 but i llloooooooooooveeee a good domesticity concept i eat that shit up nnomnomnonmonmnom. i needed to talk about early parenthood with ellie and i needed to talk about some of the ... Alternate Consequences ... of early parenting .. if you will. this was fun. this was also composed between the hours of like, 2-4am. i think it's pretty literate, and kind of alright. you may have a fun time reading it. if you don't, sorry i'll venmo you a dollar. not ssssure if i really have anything else to say, honestly. proofread (at a very early hour, mind you) but i always make mistakes, i'll always edit over time.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: i understand these tags are like super weird and i always preface my fics like "fuck around and find out," but just to be clear, this fic does not sexualize children in any way. any way. just to really make that clear. mentions of you and ellie being engaged. joel's technically alive. mentions of children. parental uncertainty. stress. a little bit of sub bottom!ellie. we're dipping our toes in. also dom top!ellie. mentions of oral (both receiving), mentions of vaginal penetration (reader receiving). both ellie and the reader being milfs / ellie thinking its really hot how you are a good mom (there are still so many things in this category that i could've hit that im probably not even thinking of, so if y'all like this and wanna talk about them, Please talk to me) i write in past tense for literally all of it and this is just a me thing, but that's not really my style, so things may be .. off. or maybe it's just me. maybe i'm tripping. we'll see. it's like, 4am. so.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 4.1k, just about (i did too much).

.   .   .   .

you both lived on the farm. it was a quiet, proud little life that you lead. a picturesque actualization of all of the little thoughts and dreams that you and ellie have had about living together, about having a family. though, parenthood was new, and difficult. there were some nights that the baby wouldn't stop crying, and both of you would take turns feeling like shit -- one usually at a grander magnitude than the other --  because neither of you would know what to do. what, am i like, a bad mom? does he hate me? you spent time convincing each other that that is simply not the case, and that this was all part of the process. that you were both new, and learning, and that it's okay.

if you knew nothing else, whether that be due to not having experienced parenthood before or the delirium accompanying the heavy set bags and dark circled ruminating under both of your eyes, then you did know that there were a few things for certain: he will suck his thumb. his cries will turn to wails which will turn to sniffles, which will turn to sighs. he will get tired. he will roll over, and coo, and will go to sleep.... eventually.

granted, while this mentality in general made things easier throughout the early days of raising your newborn son, there was still no doubt that it was.. exhausting. in every way. parenting was a constant learning curve, and it took tolls on both of you in different ways. for ellie, she'd get quiet. snippy, even, and gain a little bit too much audacity at times. a snarky remark or demonstration of blatant impatience towards something minuscule, but still hurtful. her frustration would always point toward some deeper issue that she often struggled met with annoyance first, and words second. one of the first things that ellie learned while parenting was that she was really bad at communicating. she'd find herself throughout the first three, maybe even six months, constantly finding ways to say sorry.. even without saying really having said it. like, slipping into bed when after you'd finally went to sleep, and pressing kisses to your temple. or making sure the dishrack was completely empty, so you'd have one less thing to work about. albeit she struggled to verbally explain that while she understood you were too, she was just.. a little tired.

maybe it was the sleep deprivation, or her willingness to take up most of the tasks that required attention in areas other than just the inside of the home. which.. you did have to admit, were a little bit more intense than cleaning and washing dishes. no one asked her to do all of that. she took it upon herself to do extraneous tasks, like fix the fucking roof, during the peak of summer. and you'd always offer to help, truly. but it was always no, i've got it. you've got other stuff to do. you just go play with him, and i'll be in to take over in a little, okay?

you would, at times, have to sit her down and remind her to take it slow. that the roof isn't really bothering either of you, right now, and it won't until .. october, probably. that it's okay to swap out, if need be. she can do dishes, cook if she wants (burn down the house, if she wants), clean up while you go fix the wiring of the fence, tend to the horses, whatever the fuck she feels the need to do, on top of having to do already.

you would have to remind her, that she just can't do everything all at once. and that's okay. but that's also neither of your faults.

both you and parenthood alike would teach her to .. slow down, take it easy, and to talk.

ellie would have to teach you something similar, believe it or not. your back hurt. your tits wouldn't stop fucking leaking, and ever since you gave birth, you wouldn't stop getting these aching migraines that made your ears ring. you quite literally found yourself bending over backwards, trying to do everything all at once all of the time (sound familiar?), because you knew that it was as much of your job as it was ellie's. you can change the diapers, you can pump the breastmilk, you can clean the house, you can stop him from crying, you can read him books (that he couldn't understand, yet, technically), you could do everything. and theoretically, you could. and you would, until it made you frayed, and unhealthy.

that would be enough to make ellie to step in, put her hand on your shoulder, and advise you in a tone that was about as gentle as it was stern:

hey, let maria take him for a couple of days. you're tense -- i can feel you from across the house.

despite the anxiety and the frustration and the sleep deprivation and the exhaustion, you really would feel grateful to be experiencing this trying time together. there were some patterns characterizing it that were obviously stressful, and anxiety-inducing. but there were some consistencies throughout it that were be sweet, and tender. like, running each other warm baths. sitting – either in the bath, with the other, or on the toilet, or the side of the bath – and talking in low volume, not really out of fear of waking the baby, but just to kind of relish in the pocket of peace that existed between the two of you in that moment. the affection never died between the two of you. you were always snuggling close to each other when it came time for bed. always pressing tender kisses to each other's shoulders, holding each other's hands, circling your thumbs and indexes over each other's engagement rings.

… But!

you know... i'm a whore. so honestly, what really spurred this whole thought, is the fact that .. during parenthood your sex lives would practically be nonexistent. and it's not something that either of you really notice, until one of you explicitly brought it up. raising a child -- especially raising one in an environment that you both worked to keep safe, secured, and comfortable -- is a lot of work.

it wouldn't dawn upon either of you until you both were eating one night at the table - another tradition that you did not forfeit. you managed to dance around the subject due to something entirely tangential, and then it hit you, and you said – out of pure realization, ellie, we haven't had sex in .. like, months.

and just like that, the consequences of at least 98 days of involuntarily celibacy hit you both like a fucking truck.

for you, it came in the form of .. the simple reminder that your soon-to-be-wife is really... really fucking physically flawless. you'd notice this everytime she'd wear short-sleeves, or shirts no sleeves, which was really only.. every once in a while, as jackson got colder, or whenever you both woke up. sometimes you'd find yourself looking at ellie's back profile as she sat upright on the bed, adjacent and turned from you, stretching a big, grand stretch, and you'd feel a specific heat beginning to tickle the insides of your thighs. you found it harder to keep your gazes to yourself as ellie exited the shower, muscles apparent, and glistening. her whole body was littered with scars, and yet she was still so gorgeous. it was hard to believe that even for a second you failed to recall – or be conscious of – the fact that as much of a teddy-bear as she was, you were practically dating a fucking sculpture.

naturally, you would act on your desires first. and frankly, ellie would be so willing to lean into them. 

she'd be lying if she said sometimes she didn't wake feeling a bit restless, and like there was only one thing that soothe her. she craved it, sometimes – your hands, on her. all she needed were some quick rubs against her clit and kisses against her skin to motivate her to get out of bed and feed the animals. and she was so, so fortunate to have a fiancée good enough to her to give her just that.

she dared, shame on her, to forget how good you could make her feel. ellie never really let anyone touch her, before she met you. before she met you, she was honestly convinced a lot of the parts "down there" didn't work. she could hardly achieve making herself cum. it’d take so long. ellie hardly masturbated because she’d get impatient in any ordeal that wasn’t some needy, feral 3am occurrence that left her stirring, sweaty, and overwhelmed. it was a lot of buildup for what she saw as, in the end, very little payoff. and as far as other people making her cum went? well, no one had ever gotten that far. frankly, she didn’t think anyone would get that far.

that was until she met you.

it definitely wasn’t easy. there were a lot of tired wrists and upper biceps, and your jaw did get pretty sore. her pussy was gorgeously messy. but her clit liked to hide sometimes underneath the extra skin. when you found it, you learned that it was usually, extremely sensitive. but you told her that that was okay. you could make that work.

you spent a lot of time learning all of the technicalities. what was too much, what wasn’t enough. what to say to her; how fast to rub her.

it paid off, because about a month into dating, you showed her that it — and frankly, anything — was possible. just takes a little bit of time, and patience, kisses and whispers of affirmation how about how good she feels. how good she’s doing. takes some listening, intently, to what she needs. to what her body needs. 

can feel you twitching. you want my finger right here?

fuck, yeah. right there. just like that, baby -- please don't fuckin' stop.

and once you got good at it (and you got so fucking good at it), ellie couldn’t get enough. she jokes, regularly, that that’s one of the reasons why she’s going to marry you.

ellie's voice in the mornings would breathless and empty. all bostonian accent, rasp, and nothing else. they were vulnerable. whenever she'd let you between her thighs and you placed those kitten licks across her clit transitioning into these longer, learned drags, her moans would break, like glass. her hips would shuffle. sometimes, you’d have to hold her still.

no no, fucking running. it’s okay. just let me. can you let me? can you let me take care of you, baby?

fuck. yes. yes, yes, fuck. s— sorry just – oh, fuck.

it would mostly just be wake-me-ups. but ellie's back would always be arching by the middle of it. she'd find herself gasping, and sighing, and fucking -- against your tongue, against your finger -- and gripping onto whatever, all while mumbling to gods she didn't believe in.

that feels so, so so fucking – g–good.

so fucking good to me; feels so good, babe, thinki'mgonnacum–

ellie's orgasms hit her the same way every time. hard. ridiculously hard. leaving her breathing heavy, and screwing her eyes shut while she grasped at your hand, or your hair. her thighs would tense -- sometimes scramble -- and then collapse, after a while. she became this perfect amalgamation of tinted cheeks, chapped pink lips, messy brown hair, and sticky skin. 

she was such a fucking .. painting. she's so incredible.

the plan, as she wrote it, often was to immediately get out of bed after you made her cum. but oftentimes, she couldn't do anything for the first couple of minutes except lie there, body just a sack of bones and jello. her head would rest instead of pressing into yours, or would nuzzle its way deep into your neck. both occasions a precursor to her finally catching her breath. when she moves her head to kiss you, capturing your lips in something thankful, and sweet, it is almost always grounding for the both of you.

better?

so much better. holy shit, babe.

and that's not to say that ellie would never act on her desires. she was always just a little more calculated.

for ellie, her frustrations would creep up on her in the weirdest ways. it would be.. small things. things that were, actually, probably mutual. watching you wash the dishes, even when you’re not bent in a particularly promiscuous way. watching you cook, even when she wasn't really watching you, 'cause she was keeping the baby busy. but what really did her in was watching how you handled your son. something about seeing you have him on your hip, cooing at him or laughing with him, or playing with him, or smothering his cheek in big kisses that elicited these big, big giggles from him, drove her.. a very, questionable? kind of crazy? it was pure. it was so sweet, and most of the time, it was just that. but you were so, good with him. after so many months, despite all of the struggle, you really did blossom into a beautiful, capable mother, who still held the glow and all of the weight from the pregnancy and just–

ellie would realize how good it all looked on you. she would feel.. really proud.

and it made her feel like you ..  deserved something.

you both remember the first night she’d acted on her desires like it was yesterday. it was on the night that you two had hosted a dinner party for all of your mutual close friends and people who you called family. the dinner was a 3-week-long process of grocery picking, tablecloth finding, invitation designing, and recipe collecting. it honestly stressed you out more than it did ellie because, to be honest, she was kind of just there for moral support. it was your idea, after having had maria over for dinner once. and it was a great idea. but it left you drained – defeated from the final week of preparations, which was especially hectic. when you bathed that night, you bathed alone, a little overstimulated from the day. but you’d let ellie run the bath, though. only because she insisted on doing so. 

the soak cured some of the ache that settled deep into your joints, muscles, and bones.. but not all of it. after you'd set the tub to drain, brushed your teeth, and wrapped a towel around your body, you entered the room with an expected level of silence. you slathered moisturizer on your face, over your arms, over your stretch marks. when it came time to take off your jewlery, the rings – except the prized one – came off easily. but when it came to your necklace, your hands were simply too slippery. you sucked your teeth. you always did this. 

you eventually sighed, filling your lungs to call:

hey, bug. can you come help me take this necklace off, please?

ellie eventually would appear behind you, probably shuffling off of the bed or rounding some corner after changing and becoming into her own definition of comfortable. if she seriously complained, you didn’t hear it. you only felt her, how her hand placed itself on your shoulder just to let you know that she was behind you.

some things never change, move your hair over.

you do as asked, and hang your head. ellie's fingers brush against your skin with a kind of delicacy that makes shivers run down your spine. you lift your eyes, catching ellie's in the mirror before you. yours, heavier than hers.

you watched as she fought a smile, or a smirk. either was a given with her, honestly — in retrospect, it was most likely the latter. you couldn’t really tell, though. she’d dipped her head, eyes fixated on her fingers that fiddled with your necklace clasp.

you did a really nice job on the dinner, tonight.

suddenly, you were the one fighting the smile. you watched her, still.

yeah?

oh, you like.. completely knocked it out of the park. you did great. it was really, really really nice.

you didnt know if ellie was referring to the food, or the setup, or the wine choices – whichever. but something about the appraisal made your head buzz, like you were coming down off a two glasses of champagne (which.. maybe you were). ellie successfully removed your necklace, and yet didn’t back away. instead, she pressed herself closer to your back, and tilted her head so that she could speak just above the top of your ear,

you looked really nice, too.

been waiting for you to settle down, a bit. so i could tell you.

you probably hummed something in response, something that was probably suggestive but also thankful at the same time. it gets lost, though. because ellie bent down, and placed these slow, unassuming, appreciative kisses down your neck, and against the plateau of your shoulder. between those words and the way her hands lingered over your skin, the way she was breathing you in and drinking up the moment, and your scent, made you melt into her way too easily. like butter in a warm pan.

you exhale, like you've been meaning to for .. you don't even know how long.

el..

mhm?

you realize though, that the house is quiet. too quiet. there is a stillness to it that makes the pit of your stomach twist, and anxiety and guilt bubble in the base of it before you could even stop it.

...where's our baby?

you felt ellie grin against your shoulder. she masked it with a peck,

he’s at joel’s.

and then you felt her tongue drag across your skin. a long, open-mouthed kiss across the midpoint of your neck. she presses the padding of her tongue against tender flesh, sucks hard enough for blood to make the skin bloom, and almost -- against your own will -- makes your eyes roll shut.

the simple act -- acts rather, of ellie coordinating behind your back to have the baby taken off your hands (you knew it for a few days –  it's always a few days). she thought she was so slick. it was odd, how much relief those three words gave you,

but at the same time, you kind of wanted to be mad at her.

it was hard to, though. but you couldn't think straight, with how her hands were moving over you, over your towel. with her pelvis pressed against your ass, and her lips on your neck.

you tried,

he was fine here. everything was .. fine, ellie.

but she was so..

i never said everything wasn't fine.

i just think... you've had a really long, stressful week.

you hate how your body reacts to ellie's hands smoothing up your towel. your whole body broke out into goosebumps, seemingly trying to fit into the pores of ellie's palm, 

and i think i wanna make it better.

ellie's breath was hot on your ear, and you didn’t realize it, but your head was already tilted. your eyes had begun to flutter closed. you felt yourself, almost swaying against her. your mouth hung as her teeth grazed over sensitive flesh. her tongue pressed against familiar spots that had been untouched -- like the rest of you -- for so, so long. it was too activating.

in your best effort of defense, you spun yourself to turn around to face her. ellie’s head was tilted, her eyes were low. her breath spanned over your mouth while your palm laid flat against her chest. you stalled – shivering, shaking, suddenly caught in a rapture of toiling emotion that you hadn't felt that strongly in .. god knows how long.

her head dipped back into your neck. she pressed her cotton-clad hips against your towel-covered ones, and it just wasn’t enough. it was a lot, and yet, not enough.

your hand snaked over the nape of her neck as you breathed against your cheek, whole body feeling heavy and compliant. your knees were jelly. you could feel your clit. pulsing, and pleading. it ached as you feel ellie's hand slip over the backs of your thighs, inching under the cusps of your ass.

you needed something. you needed anything. you like to think that you had no idea what necessity meant before this moment, because you had never felt it so strongly. it knocked the wind out of you, only leading you to ask – to plead, without pleading,

e... ellie?

and she understood.

ellie’s head lifted from the crook of your neck she crashed her lips upon yours. the kiss was heavy, and deep. your knees buckled, and where you swore you may fall, she made sure you didn’t. you were shuddering, a hand suddenly possessive around the back her neck. her hands suddenly possessive and stabilizing with the grips she held on your ass. months worth of unknown tension relinquished itself in the pushes and pulls you demanded from each other's bodies while teeth clattered and bit into chapped flesh, turned glossy. moans and breaths circumvented between the two of you, and suddenly, the whole room felt like it was on fire.

she delivered a verbal command, teeth tugging at your lower lip as she half-way parted from it, 

jump.

you’d used whatever remainder of your energy to follow the simple instruction, your legs wrapping around ellie's waist like she was your lifeline. they remained around her as your back fell against the duvet, and as she kissed you so deep, your head ran dizzy and your body was left no choice but to arch into her.

you remember your hand smoothing over her abdomen, and reaching up to grab her chest. you remember sighing into her mouth over the fact that you could. you relished in the moan she released your mouth, and only returned it halfway. 

you remember gripping her and massaging her and bucking your bare hips up against her in hopes of making her make that noise again, louder. you remember how she bucked her hips into you in hopes of the same sentiment, her waistband grazing against your bair clit cauisng her to succeed far quicker than you. 

the night was filled with mind-blurring, fuck-until-the-sun-rises kind of sex. sex that you had no idea your body had needed until ellie had given it to you. your body reeled with every kiss that she'd placed over your skin – you’d watched as she peeled back your towel, and replaced bits and segments of the fabric with her lips in soft, attentive kisses.  it was hard to believe that they would transpire into messy, sloppy things. wet, tantilizing things that would trek down the axis of your body. that would hold your body hostage as her tongue and her lips worked on your clit to bring you closer and closer to your third orgasm of the hour. 

your body wasn’t used to it. any of it. it was, however, too used to and hyperaware of having a tiny human in the house that you simply couldn’t wake at this time of night.

you were shuffling, at one point, scrambling to put a hand on your mouth, or to bite your own knuckle.  when that didn’t work, you let your head fall over to a pillow while you fucked up against ellie’s tongue and bit the fabric, trying so hard not to moan. but you felt yourself cracking. 

you’ll never forget how ellie looked up at you. eyes a deep, pointed shade of green as she shook her head – mouth still attached to your clit – which in and of itself had almost made you cry. when she pulled away, it was the only time you let yourself make a noise. only because the whine that was ripped out of you was entirely unanticipated, just like her action.

her breath rippled over your the nerves as she ran her fingertip up, and down your hole. you whimpered, hips shifting up relfexivley, cunt tightening just from the invitation. nearly gushing from the feeling of her beginning to small rub circles against it, instead.

i’ve missed you so fucking much.

she dipped a finger inside of you with such ease, and no warning. a long, slender digit bottomed out inside your cunt, before she pushed in another, and made your jaw go slack. her eyes hung on yours – glossed over with lust and a bit narrow as a result of the devious smile that’d begun to overtake her expression.

she’d begun pumping her fingers.

he’s not here, baby.

it’s just us.

her fingers were so fucking long, you swore to god, you would never want a life without them in it. couldn’t bear another 3, 4, 5 months without having them in you. jesus fuck.

wanna hear you. 

wanna hear you be as loud as you fuckin’ want.

ellie emphasized her words by proceeding to fuck you faster. her tongue latched back onto your clit, rolling over and slurping at the nerves, rolling beads of saliva and your juices into and against the bundle. the sound of your cunt was so encompassing, it was hard to believe that it became the backdrop for the moans that ellie had ripped out of you. that made it into, and mostly out of, the pillow, amidst a sea of praise and bucking hips.

the next morning was luxuriuosly unproductive. ellie had only woke to feed the animals and returned to bed and slept with you until noon. she was always affectionate, come mornings. but especially riding off of the honeymoon buzz of the night prior, she made the morning after memorably tender, often pressing kisses to your forehead, and your shoulder, regardless of how awake both you or she was. she’d whisper sweet nothings into your ear, promises of how much she loved you. how she’s really glad this is how she gets to spend her life, as long as it’s with you. all of the sugary things that eventually caramelize into jokes and giggles and laughter, and that how you’d know it was time to get up.

it’s safe to say that parenthood brought you and ellie both very interesting things. it brought you challenges, and it brought you lows. it brought you highs, and photographs, and moments where you did feel like all of your hard-work was paying off, even when it didn’t seem that way. having a family meant having the opportunity to open your house up to people you who you loved. having a family meant having traditions, and things to fall back on – things that you would develop over time, as you learned more and discovered more of what you wanted. and having a family with ellie meant that you could fall back on each other, no matter how tough things got.

.. it also just meant sometimes having really.. really good sex. 

(whenever you remembered that that was something that the two of you could actually do, that is.)

[aurorialwolf]

Oookay, so, ima yap about my next gen headcanon / oc for Vincent and Lovely's kid, if that isnt your cup of tea that is a-okay, now here goes :3

- Her name is Vivienne Solaire

- She's besties with Samuel Jr, the other next gen oc i made up, Sam and Darlins kid

- She loves cars, like her dad :D

- She's absolutely a daddy's girl, though not in a bratty way, moreso they are just very similar and enjoy sharing their hobbies!

- Vincent did buy her a car when she got her full license though.. because of course he did

- It was a pink 1970s Jaguar E-Type

- She tries asking her dad how he bagged girls back in his day and he absolutely refuses to tell her, worried that she'll become as shallow as he used to be to fit in

- ..Of course when she asks Sam, he gladly tells a bunch of stories about Vincent from before he met Lovely

- Vivienne secretly takes notes and tries it out, she's okay at it? But it doesn't feel good so she elects to adapt his style of flirting and is far more successful (consent is sexy folks)

- She learned electro energetic magic, soon before she was turned, and decided to continue trying to learn it after she became a vampire, and actually becomes pretty okay at it! Her and Samuel train using it, so she sends invisible lines of electricity through the air and Samuel uses his hearing to try to figure out where it's coming from to dodge it

- She can speak a bit of French, like how I hc Vincent can :3

- She did get fully turned by her own blood (at age 14), like how Samuel did but she wasn't able to regain her humanity because she's not part shifter (being part shifter when the blood thing happens helps imo, at least according to my hc cuz this is all made up lmao)

- It wasn't as hard for her because her parents are both vampires, so very little adaptations needed to be made, aside from alternate schooling

- Her turning actually went far smoother than Samuel's, mainly because her parents could isolate her during bloodlust properly, and she was not very upset about it, considering she wanted to be more like her parents anyways

- Also it would be hella depressing if she was mortal and never got turned and her parents outlived her :(

- If Vincent had never left the clan, she would have been close with William, and very trusting of him (..and super gullible regarding the darker side of things), more on this AU-within-an-AU later bc imo it fundamentally changes some of these characters

- She hangs around the pack a lot since she doesn't have a clan, but can't really be outside with them because of the sun :( so Samuel develops a temporary sun shield that lasts for about an hour so she can still be out with them, though there's physical drawbacks, as it takes a lot out of him to make, and she can feel some pain after (like a sunburn feeling except without the physical look) Thas most of it :3 lmk if u enjoyed!! Might reblog this talking about hers and Samuel's dynamic in more detail cuz that was second in the poll i made earlier Have a nice day / night and remember to drink water and take meds!!

[ugh-yoongi]

riding fakie | ksj

(or, the one where you think you’re getting a fake boyfriend, but you end up with a whole lot more.)

→ pairing: seokjin x f. reader → genre(s): enemies to lovers (lite), fake dating | humor, fluff, angst → rating: mature → warnings: based entirely on this edit i saw ages ago so good luck, swearing, reader is a trust fund kid with awful parents so classism and screwy family dynamics, a very brief but referenced two-night-stand with taehyung who has a foot fetish (canon) and is ultimately plot irrelevant, this is lite enemies to lovers so sometimes they are not very nice to each other, kissing. i think that’s it? this is mostly tame, all things considered, but i will revise if needed. → word count: 14.2k → written for: the catch of the century collab. thank you to @raplinesmoon​ / @joheunsaram​ / & @kithtaehyung​ for hosting and allowing me to participate! ♡ → thank yous: my holy trinity for keeping me inspired and accountable and letting me know when i don’t word good. @the-boy-meets-evil​ / @hot-soop​ / @effortandmore​. also my husband who actually skateboards and helped me to sound knowledgeable but will also never, ever see this. → a/n: [looking a whole lot like the dehydrated spongebob meme] hey, long time no see. this fic absolutely kicked my ass like nothing has ever kicked my ass before, but it’s finally done and here. i don’t think i’m super happy with how it turned out and i think it’s probably rushed, but i hope you all enjoy it regardless! now, if you need me i will be sobbing on the floor holding a locket with seokjin’s picture inside.

[THE THREAT]

The thing about privilege is—

Well, nothing. It’s just there, propped up in the corner, looming over every aspect of your life. And usually it’s fine. You want for nothing. People just hand things to you. But, just like the apple tree and Isaac Newton and the Law of Gravity—everything that goes up must come down. Nothing gold can stay. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. You might have your name and your money and your status, but you also have your parents and your brother.

Your brother, who has somehow found someone to marry him and is planning a wedding.

Your parents, who are threatening to revoke your trust fund if you don’t attend. And bring a date.

“I don’t want to hear it,” your mother says, preemptively cutting off your protests. She’s always had a knack for dictatorship, and another one for doing so as she barks orders to the hired help in the background. “This wedding is very important for us as a family. Do you know how bad it’d look if you not only didn’t show up, but showed up alone? It won’t do.”

On your end of the line, sitting at some bougie outdoor café with an overpriced latte in hand, you roll your eyes. “Wouldn’t it look worse to cut off your only daughter and leave her destitute? God forbid, what if I have to get a job?”

An aggravated click of her tongue. “I don’t know where you got that smart mouth of yours, but it’s unbecoming. I’ve at least managed to talk your brother’s fiancee out of including you in the bridal party, so you could show a bit of gratitude instead of being a brat.”

(Impossible, you think. Your brother had taken all the suck-up genes and left nothing for you. Alternatively, you’d taken all the backbone, so it’s almost even.)

“Why don’t you ask the youngest Jeon boy? They’re coming anyway, and it would look good for your father if the two of you were seen together.”

You grimace. “Jeongguk? Absolutely not.”

Another click. “Fine, but don’t you dare even think about showing up with some—”

“Piece of shit loser,” you finish for her. Usually she’d scold you for swearing, but it’s apparently allowed in the name of shitting on the middle-class. “Yes, Mother, I get it. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t dare sully our good family name by associating with the poor.”

She doesn’t trust you, you can tell by the way she huffs and starts mumbling under her breath, but it’s clear she’s just as done with this conversation as you. “You have three months to figure it out.”

Privilege can go to hell.

[THE SEARCH]

Park Jimin is a lot of things.

He’s got money. He’s got hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers for no reason other than he’s hot. He’s got a closet full of in-season designer clothes, so he’d look stunning hanging off your arm in a tailored suit. He’s got charisma and charm and that innate ability to talk to anyone about all that boring shit you can’t stand.

Most importantly, he’s got a chip on his shoulder, too. He’s on your level.

Park Jimin is telling you no. “Sorry, I’ll be out of the country that weekend,” he says. He doesn’t look sorry. “One of those things I can’t skip. You know how it is.”

Your eyes narrow. “You’re full of shit.”

Park Jimin’s got a laugh that rings like Tiffany crystal. “Maybe.”

Still, you’re not above begging. The list of acceptable arm candy candidates (which you’ve taken to calling The Armcandidates, because you also got all the humor genes) is rapidly dwindling, and although Jimin’s not bottom of the barrel, he’s close. “Jimin, please. Whatever you want, I just need this one favor.”

“Don’t barter with things you’re not willing to give up,” he chides, nothing but heat. Would you fuck Jimin to keep your trust fund? Pillowy lips, slutty little waist, thighs that could crush your head like a grape—you could definitely do worse, all things considered.

“Who says I’m not?”

Jimin would come dead last in a poker tournament, the way surprise flashes across his face. “Well, in that case, I’m actually sorry I’ll be out of the country that weekend.”

You groan, head dropping onto your folded arms. “Can’t believe I outed myself like that and you’re still turning me down.”

Laughter trails behind him as he disappears into his massive closet. “Have you asked Taehyungie? He loves weddings.”

“The last time I talked to Kim Taehyung, he jerked off on my feet and cried. I don’t think I could look him in the eye, let alone invite him to my brother’s wedding.”

Jimin snorts. “He’s actually quite lovely once you get past the foot stuff. Think about it.”

Regretfully, not only do you think about asking Taehyung, you actually go through with it.

One day you’re talking to Jimin and the next thing you know, you’re once again on your back in Kim Taehyung’s bed. No weird feet shit this time, you’d told him, and, well, here you are. Skin tacky from sweat, entire room stinking of sex. Kim Taehyung is weird as hell but he’s unreasonably hot, and you’d made it all of ten minutes in his presence before folding.

(The last time it’d been five, so you’re making progress. Surely that’s something to be proud of.)

“I actually came here for a reason,” you say, still trying to catch your breath. Beside you, Taehyung hums an acknowledgement. You try not to wonder if he’s staring at your toes and that’s why he’s breathing so hard. “I need to bring a date to my brother’s wedding or my parents are gonna cut me off.”

He whistles. “Damn, that’s cold. Fully?”

“That’s what they say.”

“And you’ve decided to ask me? I’m honored, angel.”

“I asked Jimin first, to be fair.”

Taehyung’s face falls comically. “I’m no longer honored,” he jokes. “Jiminie’s great at weddings. He said no?”

You shrug. Something about his rejection still stings. You’re trying not to take it personally. Or think about it too much. “Said he’s going to be out of the country that weekend. Told me to ask you because you quote-unquote ‘love weddings’.”

“He said that?” Taehyung asks, voice pitched higher, dopey look overtaking his features. “Wow, we’re so in sync.” Wistful, like he’s lovesick. “We really must be soulmates.”

You choke. “Sorry, am I interrupting something?”

“Uh, no. Is the wedding the weekend he’s going to Milan?”

That ‘no’ seems to be carrying a lot of weight. You eye him suspiciously. “Apparently.”

“Ah, I’ll be in Paris. I asked him to come with me and he told me no, too. Guess you know how it feels.”

You sit up, sheets clutched to your chest. “Seriously, what’s going on with you two?”

Taehyung heaves a long-suffering sigh. “How much time do you have?”

You roll your eyes. “About three minutes.”

“Next time, then. Sorry I can’t help with the wedding. You’ll find someone, though.”

Another day, another rejection. You tell Taehyung not to look at your feet as you get dressed to leave.

Jung Hoseok isn’t generationally wealthy, but he’s got enough money to be deemed respectable in the eyes of your parents.

He’s also got a 24 karat smile and a meticulously highlighted and underlined study guide for your upcoming exam, so he’s currently ranked number one on your Armcandidates list.

“Hobi, have I ever told you you’re my favorite person?”

He eyes you over the lid of his coffee cup. “A few times, yeah.”

“Jung Hoseok,” you singsong, “actual sunshine, number one human, best thing since sliced bre—”

“If you finish that sentence with some fire of my loins Lolita bullshit I’m leaving.”

You pout. “I need a favor.”

He tosses the study guide in your direction. “Just take it. I have another copy in my bag.”

“Not that,” you say, but you take it anyway. Hoseok’s study guides are a thing of legend: even if you don’t use it, you’ll be able to sell it to some idiot underclassman for a week’s worth of coffee. The bougie kind with whipped cream on top. “I need a date for my brother’s wedding.”

Now it’s his turn to choke. “And you’re asking me?”

“Yeah? What’s wrong with asking you?”

He shrugs, suddenly antsy, like he’s too big for his skin. “I don’t know. Don’t you have, like, actual prospects? Every dude in our cohort wants to date you.”

“Because I’m hot and I have a shitload of money,” you retort, and Hoseok makes a face that says yeah, fair. “I’d rather be tarred and feathered than ask any of them. We’re friends, and I trust you. Additionally, your family’s rich enough to get my parents off my back and we’d look good together.”

“Ah, yes, that last point is very important.”

You scoff. “Of course it is, it’s my brother’s wedding. Do you know how many pictures I’m gonna be forced to take? Hundreds. Possibly thousands.”

“Sounds terrible.”

“It will be, which is why I need a brother-in-arms. A confidante. A comrade.”

“Have you asked Jimin? He’s great at weddings.”

You nearly start shrieking. “Why does everyone keep saying that?”

“...Is that a yes?”

“Of course I asked Jimin. I asked Taehyung, too. They’re both going to be out of the country and are probably fucking, and that’s not particularly something I want to get in the middle of.” Hoseok raises an eyebrow. “It could be serious,” you argue. “Like, Actual Feelings kind of stuff, and that shit gets messy.”

“Yeah, fair,” Hoseok concedes, out loud this time. “Plus Tae has that weird foot thing.”

“Exactly! So you get it.” Finally, a lead! “Will you come, then?” You flutter your eyelashes. “Pretty please, Hobi.”

“When is it?” As you rattle off the date, Hoseok digs through his bag for his phone. Then he pulls up his calendar and frowns. “Shit, no can do, either. My elective rotation starts that prior Monday.”

“Ew. What elective are you taking?”

Hoseok nearly blinds you as he smiles. “Reproductive endo and infertility.”

Your eyes widen. “Holy shit, that one you applied to ages ago? You got it?” He nods. “Oh my god, Hobi, that’s amazing!” You launch across the table to hug him. “I still hate you for bailing, but think of all the tiny raisins you’re gonna help bring into the world!” You wipe away a fake tear. “You’re a god amongst men, Jung Hoseok.”

He takes a bow. “Thank you, thank you. Speaking of which, how’s the volunteer gig in the ER treating you?”

“It’s fine.” You groan, put-upon, and sometimes Hoseok is so smiley and endearing that you feel guilty unloading all of your burdens on him, so you aren’t going to. Not unless he asks. Because he’s prone to dramatics and neuroticism but not like you are, and you know it can be a lot for someone not expecting it.

However—

“That’s good. Is that annoying guy you told me about still bothering you?”

Wrong question.

You cock an eyebrow. “This is the third time this week.”

In front of you, Kim Seokjin just grins, dried blood cracking on his plush lower lip. “Yep.”

“It’s Tuesday,” you deadpan. The grin grows wider, warping the purple-black bruise beneath his eye.

Because he’s arguably the most annoying person on earth, Seokjin just hums an acknowledgement, leaning further against the reception desk. “Well,” he says, voice interlaced with honey, “you’d have to take that up with the Babylonians, since they invented the modern calendar. Not much I can do about that.”

A pause. Then, “You’re really fucking annoying, do you know that?”

“It's a bit rude to insult someone seeking out your services, don’t you think?”

You roll your eyes, pushing your tongue into the fat of your cheek. “Not really. Not if it’s you.”

Surprisingly—or maybe not, considering everything seems to roll off his back—a laugh comes tumbling out of him. “Listen, I know it’s probably overwhelming to be blessed with the sight of this face not once, but three times in a week. I can understand and excuse your insensitivity, so I won’t report you this time, but—”

Ignoring him, you slam a clipboard onto the space between you. “You know the drill.”

“What if I’ve forgotten it?”

“Name, address, insurance information, reason for treatment.”

“You know my name, you know where I live, insurance hasn’t changed, and I’m just here to soak in your sparkling personality.”

With as murderous a stare as you can muster, you push the clipboard further in his direction. It hits something solid. Probably a rib, judging by Seokjin’s pained wheeze, but you don’t get paid enough to care. “Do you need a pen?”

“Why, so you can stab me with it?”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

He rolls his eyes. Thumbs through the intake forms and pretends to read them, even though the last time he had to sign one he’d just drawn a stick figure giving you the finger. “Have you ever spoken to anyone about your sociopathic tendencies? Might do you some good.”

With prolonged eye contact, you toss a pen in his direction. Hits him square between the eyes. “A million times,” you deadpan. This is where you’d blow a bubble and pop it if you were allowed to chew gum on the clock. “I’ve been diagnosed with an incurable case of bitchitis. It’s a very tragic burden to bear. Fill out the form.”

Seokjin huffs. Stays standing right in front of you as he does as you say, ignoring the line of people behind him that’s rapidly stacking up. Someone towards the back yells at him to get out of the way, but the protest dies immediately once he turns around and smiles. You think an elderly woman faints. She definitely bobbles, at the very least.

“Thanks so much for your help,” Seokjin says, handing the forms back with a mischievous smirk playing on his lips. They’re free of doodled middle fingers, so you wave him off. “Have a great day,” he lobs over his shoulder. When you look down, he’s giving you the finger at waist-height.

“Have the day you deserve,” you fire back.

Your skin needles with anxiety for the rest of the day.

Seokjin comes into the emergency room again on Friday.

He’s got a large gash just above his eyebrow that’s gonna need stitches. You tell him as much as he fills out the same forms as the day before, and he tells you to tell him something he doesn’t know as he rolls his eyes and winces immediately.

“Here’s something you don’t seem to know: karma is real, and she also thinks you’re an asshole.”

You get the finger again for that one. Honestly, you can’t say you don’t deserve it.

“Kiss my ass.”

You pretend to pout. “Health hazard. Against hospital policy.”

Seokjin pauses. Seems to study you for a while, and then he’s cocking an eyebrow and asking, “What do you actually do here, anyway? Besides be a giant bitch.”

Wordlessly, you point at your name tag. There, right beneath your first and last name, lies the answer to Seokjin’s question. He squints. Winces again. “You’re a med student?”

Again, you point at your name tag.

“That means I can write a complaint.”

“Go ahead,” you retort. “My mother’s on the board of directors, and luckily for you she already knows I’m a giant bitch.”

Seokjin snorts, jaw dropping slightly. Just enough to draw attention to his mouth, which you’ve seen a hundred times for a hundred different injuries, but it looks especially sinful today. Maybe it’s just because he’s being mean to you, which is something you might need to explore with Taehyung in exchange for pictures of your feet.

“Ah, I should’ve known. You’ve got overwhelming nepo kid energy. Probably never had to work for anything a day in your life, huh? Probably a legacy to whatever shit-tier medical school was bribed into accepting you, too.”

Until now, you’d thought your banter with Seokjin was relatively harmless. Barbed, sure, and definitely effective. You’d throttle Seokjin if given the chance, and you know he’d do the same. But it’s never been outright cruel.

You try to look unfazed. Try to look like you don’t care about Seokjin and his words at all, because they’re nothing you haven’t heard before. Not like you’d asked to be born to your parents, so shit like this usually rolled off your back.

Now, though—

Your face must fall, just a little, because Seokjin immediately looks remorseful. Moves to say something, but you’re retrieving his clipboard and intake paperwork before he can stutter out an apology. “Thanks. They’ll call you back shortly.”

“Hey, I—“

“You can take a seat over there,” you interject, eyes locked on your computer screen. If you tear up, you can just blame it on eye strain.

You don’t see Seokjin for another two weeks.

And that’s… fine. His absence has given you some time to digest, some time to mull things over, decide if you’re actually upset or if you’d gone temporarily insane. It’d taken ten days, but you came to the conclusion that it’d just been a fleeting moment of sensitivity. People are mean to you all the time in the ER; if you took each insult or attack on your character to heart, you’d be in for a world of hurt.

So, yeah. You’d had a rough day and Seokjin saying you were a good-for-nothing nepot stung a little. That’s it.

Because you’ve got more pressing matters to attend to. You’ve managed to piss away an entire month without securing a date to the wedding, and now you’ve got time breathing down your neck. Two months, your mother’s shrill voice shrieks in your head, and it devolves into weeks and days and hours the longer you let yourself spiral. It’d seemed like so long before: you’d been so certain you’d have a date by the end of day one, and then the universe had to go and humble you. Cruel.

But the universe is also fair, because one day it’s been two weeks since you’ve seen Seokjin, and the next it’s a painfully slow Thursday afternoon and he strolls in with splinted fingers and a sheepish, weary expression.

“Uh, hi.”

You look up from your computer, taking in all the bruises and scars that dot his face but take nothing away from the beauty of it. “Sorry, exorcism hours ended at noon.”

Seokjin swallows, nostrils flaring. He looks like he wants to argue, just because he’s him and you’re you, but he acquiesces with a little nod. “Fair. I deserved that.”

“Here for the usual?” you ask, tone dry and neutral. When Seokjin doesn’t answer, you grab a clipboard and start your usual spiel—name, address, insurance information, reason for treatment—and then there’s a choked-off sound, not unlike a cat dying.

He looks pained when you dare a glance. Face contorted into a grimace, just like all the parents who bring in their constipated babies. “No, no,” he says. Sucks in a deep breath, and you nearly roll your eyes in exasperation. This guy’s acting like he’s about to give a speech at the goddamn United Nations. “I’m here to… apologize?”

You blink. “Are you asking me or telling me?”

“Telling you?” A pause. “Yeah, definitely telling you.”

“Okay.” Another pause. Seokjin fidgets, shifts his weight from one leg to the other, wipes probably-sweaty palms on his jeans, picks up every pen in the cup and drops it back in. “Well, the floor is yours.” More silence. His face seems to shift into reluctant acceptance. “Any day now.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Okay.”

“I was having a bad day and I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Okay.”

“I still think you’re really mean—”

“Sure, that’s fair.”

“—but I’d like to make it up to you. I think.”

“You sure are thinking a lot. Wanna give those brain cells a break?”

“Fuck you,” he replies automatically. “Here I am, trying to be nice—”

An idea strikes you then. Parts the hazy recesses of your mind like the Red Sea, and it feels like you’ve been struck by lightning. “How were you planning on making it up to me?”

Because he’s not wholly an idiot, Seokjin sends you a pointed look. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

You’re sure your smile looks straight out of a Creepypasta, but there’s an opportunity here, and you’d be a fool to let it slip through your fingers. “Because I just so happen to need a favor, and here you are, ready to dish one out.”

“I never said it was a favor.”

You pout. “But Seokjin,” you whine, “you were so mean.”

One of his eyes twitches. “Why does this feel like a crossroads deal?”

“I think the Grinch felt similar. Right before his heart grew three sizes and he saved Christmas.”

He doesn’t respond right away, and you can almost see the scales tipping in his brain, weighing whether or not it’s a good idea to entertain you at all. Which is impressive, all things considered, because he doesn’t even know what you’ll ask for yet. He could be expecting something humiliating at his expense, or a monetary bribe—you’re pretty certain asking for a date will catch him fully off-guard.

“What do you want?”

“Oh, nothing big,” you reply easily. Twirl your hair around your finger. Bat your eyelashes. “Just a little date.”

Seokjin sputters. “A what.”

“A date,” you repeat. “I just so happen to need a date to my brother’s wedding, and you just so happen to be overcome with guilt. It’s a win-win.”

“We don’t even like each other!”

You click your tongue. “Even better, because I don’t like my brother, either!”

“So this is… what? A game? Some kind of petty revenge? Bring the guy who looks like me to your brother’s wedding to rebel against your parents?”

“Yes, absolutely,” you answer, not even bothering to sugarcoat it. Seokjin doesn’t seem convinced. You sigh. “Look, you can say no. Or I can throw in something extra if it feels unfair—”

“Like what?”

You shrug. “I don’t know, I haven’t had time to prepare a fucking offer sheet, Seokjin. What do you want?”

“Depends. What’s this all entail? Is it a one-time thing or do I have to pretend to be your boyfriend?”

You choke. “My boyf—” But then it hits you: your brother will hate this. Your parents will hate it even more. Without even needing to ask, it’s clear Seokjin isn’t from your world, and if they’re ready to disinherit you for showing up to your brother’s wedding alone, might as well commit to the bit. So you clear your throat and smile again. “And if I say yes?”

“It’ll cost more,” Seokjin deadpans.

You nod, feeling a little like you’re swindling this poor man. “Add it to my tab, boyfriend.”

[THE MEETING]

Finding a date was supposed to be the hard part. Turns out, it’s only the beginning.

Your parents are thrilled and a little stunned when you tell them you’ve secured a plus-one. (So is your brother, but you have better luck with him listening when you tell him to fuck off. It’s a little hard to say the same to your mother and father when they’re dangling a trust fund in front of you like a carrot.) And, in true upper echelon form, they grill you. For hours. Family name, family business, how you met, what their intentions are, blah blah blah. You feel a migraine coming on somewhere around question two.

Eventually, your mother says, “I don’t know about this,” and your father grunts in agreement. You don’t think he’s used full words in years. Not with you.

“What’s there to know?” you whine, nearly rolling your eyes. “I’m not marrying the guy. It’s just a date.”

Your mother flutters around the kitchen, pointedly not looking at you. It’s weird seeing her like this: almost like a real mother, almost like she’s going to say something comforting and serve you a plate of freshly-baked cookies instead of huffing and puffing at everything you say and treating you like a pariah. “Do you even know this young man?”

“Of course I know him.”

“Do I need to remind you that it’s bad etiquette to bring a first date to a wedding?”

There’s a pang of annoyance that you have to tamper down. “It’s not a first date.”

“Oh? You’ve been seeing him regularly?”

This time you do roll your eyes. “Sure, Mom.”

“Don’t roll your eyes at your mother,” your father says, not bothering to lower the newspaper in front of him.

“How did you—”

“Is this young man your boyfriend?”

You think about what Seokjin had said: It’ll cost more. Not, you couldn’t pay me eight billion dollars to pretend to date you. Not, no thanks I’d rather die. Just, it’ll cost more. So, as you sit in this opulent kitchen with your parents and some ungodly amount of Italian marble, you think there’s nothing you wouldn’t pay to make these people miserable. These people, who never saw you beyond a status symbol. That traditional nuclear family tucked behind the white picket fence. Two kids. Golden retriever. Pool boy. Family vacations to five-star resorts, only your parents smiling in the pictures before they abandoned you and your brother with the nanny.

So, no, Seokjin isn’t your boyfriend. Not really. But he’s willing to play the part and that’s good enough. “Yeah,” you answer, and one simple word stops your mother in her tracks and gets your father to finally abandon his stupid newspaper, and just this little bit of power feels nice.

“Oh,” comes your mother’s reply. She shares a look with your father.

Because the patriarchy is alive and well and he loves to play the arbiter, he says, “I think we should meet him.”

And, because you’re not an idiot, you say, “Don’t forget the rule was that I had to find a date, not that you had to approve them.”

With a huff, your father disappears again behind his newspaper.

You: i need another favor

Rapid Onset Migraine: how much

You: shouldn’t my boyfriend want to do nice things for me out of the kindness of his own heart

Rapid Onset Migraine: no

(“Shouldn’t you have him saved under his actual name? Maybe a little heart emoji?” Hoseok asks, looking over your shoulder. “Unless he has a degradation kink, I don’t think anyone’s going to buy that someone named Rapid Onset Migraine is actually your boyfriend.”

“Shut up, Hobi. It’s one of those things that are violently affectionate and ironically cute.” A pause. Then—“Do you think Thunderclap Headache is better?”

“No. No, I definitely do not.”)

You: you don’t even know what the favor is

Rapid Onset Migraine: don’t care

You: fine

You: i would like to formally demand your presence at dinner with my parents this thursday at 7

Rapid Onset Migraine: i’m busy

You: i will literally venmo you rn to cancel your plans

Rapid Onset Migraine: i’m suddenly free. @jin-k92

Rapid Onset Migraine: five hundred dollars please

You: fuck off

You: $50. final offer. take it or leave it

Rapid Onset Migraine: leave it

You: sent. see you thursday!

  It’s Tuesday night and you’re fresh off your shift, headed to your car, looking forward to doing nothing but absorbing into your couch and maybe using that new bath bomb, when someone on a skateboard crashes into you.

You’re on your ass before you can process, stunned, staring up at the fluorescent lights of the parking lot. A familiar face enters your line of sight, not looking all that apologetic. “Whoops.”

You groan. “Worst boyfriend ever,” you retort, sticking your hand in the air. “At least help me up.”

There’s absolutely no grace in the way Seokjin hauls you to your feet. Doesn’t bother to steady you when you bobble, either, and you have half a mind to give him the finger. Instead, you say, “Are you stalking me?” and delight in the split-second of panic that overtakes his features.

“No,” he eventually says, expression right back to neutral. “You’ve already agreed to date me. Why would I need to stalk you?”

“There’s at least seventeen different problems with that statement and I’m not going to touch any of them.” You take a second to look him over: no obvious injuries, still obnoxiously attractive. Hair a little longer than usual, rogue strands hanging loose and framing his face. No one should be allowed to look like this. He really, really gets on your nerves. “Why are you here, though? You look fine.”

“I am fine—”

“Uninjured,” you clarify, which earns you a scoff.

“I’m that, too,” he snarks, “but I came to find you to figure out the game plan.”

“Why didn’t you just text me?”

“I was already in the area,” he lies.

“Uh-huh.”

“And I thought I could con you into buying me dinner.”

“What’d you do with the fifty bucks I sent you the other day?”

Seokjin looks at you like you’re dumb. You’re really starting to wonder if you are. “I spent it.”

“On what?”

“Are you my accountant now?” he huffs.

“No, but you’re not my sugar baby, either. Buy your own dinner.”

He bats his lashes at you. “But honey…”

“Fuck off, Seokjin,” you say, stomping towards your car. Unsurprisingly, he’s right behind you, the wheels of his skateboard noisy as they glide along the concrete. “This is why you’re always needing stitches?” you ask, knowing he’s close enough to hear.

“Yep.” A louder noise; probably some kind of trick. You’re not going to dignify him by watching and being impressed.

During your second semester of college, Hoseok had gotten you into this horrible habit of parking far away. So you get your steps in, had been his reasoning, and it’s hard to say whether you’d given in to the 10,000 steps per day hysteria or just Hoseok’s convincing, evil little smile, but you still do it. And you’re really regretting it now, when you have to traipse through a half-mile of parking lot with the world’s most annoying person on your heels.

“Are you gonna take me to dinner, though?”

That’s how you wind up sitting across from him at a diner.

His cheeseburger is demolished in record time. Fries are halfway gone, too, by the time he asks what the plan is and seems genuinely shocked when you say there isn’t one.

“What do you mean there’s no plan?”

“There’s no plan,” you repeat, dipping your own fry into his ketchup just so he has to swat your hand away. “I mean, dinner is at seven, but that’s it.”

Seokjin looks confused, like you’ve tilted his world on its axis. “There’s gotta be a plan,” he argues. “There’s always a plan with you trust fund kids.”

Another dig, and you can tell by the way he avoids your gaze once he makes it. “There’s really no plan,” you say, ignoring the quip. There’s a reason you’ve got a fake boyfriend, and it’s not because your parents are benevolent and easy-going. “I don’t care what you tell my parents.”

“Now I know for sure you’re setting me up.”

You shrug. “Believe whatever you want.”

Seokjin studies you, clearly still unconvinced. “You’re telling me,” he begins, sticking the straw of his root beer float in his mouth, “that I can just walk in there and sabotage you? That I have carte blanche? That I can tell them you literally paid me to be there?” You shrug. There’s a disgusting slurping sound. You grimace.

“Well, I’m hoping you won’t, but I certainly can’t stop you.”

“You’re terrible at fake dating.”

A sigh escapes you before you can stop it. You don’t want to delve into twenty-plus years of parental trauma, especially not with this guy, but sometimes it can’t be helped. “Look, I don’t want to go to my brother’s wedding. I don’t like him, and I don’t like my parents. No one else wanted to fake date me”—you hold up your hand to kill the obvious comment before he makes it—“and, honestly, my parents are gonna hate you and that’s the entire reason I asked for your help. So, no, I don’t care what you tell them, because I don’t care if they approve. I’m sick of them making me jump through hoops just to be their kid.”

Unfazed, Seokjin breezily replies, “You obviously care enough to keep taking their money.”

“I consider my trust fund to be reparations.”

“That why you were so touchy about that nepotism comment?”

Nodding, you fidget with the hem of your scrub top, hands suddenly sweaty. “Well, it doesn’t feel great to have my accomplishments credited to my last name or whatever, but it’s not something I can stop anyone from assuming.”

“Are they?”

“It’d be naive to think they aren’t.”

“You got into med school, though,” Seokjin says, and you tamper down the flush that’s creeping in. You are not going to care about any man’s acknowledgement. “That’s not an easy thing to do.”

“Can you tell my parents that?”

A laugh bellows out of him, and you’re horrified to learn it’s a terrible sound. Everyone in the diner turns to stare, and you’re flushed crimson and trying to duck under the table.

Still, you can’t help but smile. Your parents really are going to have a stroke.

To your delight, Seokjin is good at getting people to hate him. Like, really good—almost scarily so.

He’d shown up twenty minutes late, having ignored the dress code entirely, clad in a pair of ripped black jeans and a plain black t-shirt, arm tattoos and innumerable scars proudly on display. He hadn’t bothered to shake your father’s hand or introduce himself to your mother, just fell into the seat next to you, stage-whispered a, this place is a shithole huh, and stuck his nose in a menu. When the waiter came by, he ordered a bottle of wine older than the two of you combined and the most expensive entree on the menu.

Now, an hour in, your parents are teetering on the edge of a major cardiac event.

“So, Seokjin,” your father says, voice gritty and forced, “what do you do?”

Seokjin shoves a large piece of meat in his mouth, making sure to smack his lips. “What d’you mean?” he asks, the question garbled around the food.

“For a living.”

Scarily good, you think. Seokjin pretends to choke, pretends to look shocked and appalled. “I don’t work,” he answers, tone bang-on to the one your parents use when they’re being condescending. “My parents give me money, and I figured I’d date this one”—he flicks you in the temple—“until she becomes a doctor and can support me. Then we’ll get married.”

Your mother gasps. Your smile is involuntary.

Your father, on the other hand, knocks over his wine glass. Spills it all over the table, goes red in the face, and it’s the most distressed you’ve ever seen him, usually composed to a fault, immovable. “You’ll do no such thi—”

Seokjin fakes a yawn. “You ready, babe?” He doesn’t bother waiting for a response, just stands, tosses his napkin on the table, and grabs your hand. The two of you are out of the restaurant before either of your parents can utter a word.

Feels like one of those movie moments, you think: the cool breeze in your hair, against your flushed cheeks, your hand in Seokjin’s, both of you not daring to breathe or make a sound until you’re safe outside, away from your parents and their gobsmacked expressions. And then you crack, just enough for laughter to spill out, and Seokjin snorts, another horrible sound, and before you know it, the two of you are collapsed against the side of the restaurant, tears in your eyes as the brick scrapes against your skin.

Maybe something shifts. Maybe the smile Seokjin sends you is genuine.

[THE RELATIONSHIP]

Much to your horror, fake relationships aren’t all that different from normal, authentic ones.

Which means two things: one, that your brother and his wife-to-be both received an earful from your parents about Seokjin and The Dinner, and two, you still have to compromise.

The first one wasn’t so bad. Your brother had called you and issued a vague threat, of course, because he’s never had a sense of humor about anything, but you hadn’t answered so it’d been easy to delete the voicemail and forget about it. And, luckily for him, your future sister-in-law was far more lax. Bring him, she’d texted. He sounds like a good time.

You’re not sure you’d describe Kim Seokjin as a good time, but you replied with a thumbs-up emoji regardless.

All of that had been fine. You’re well-versed in dealing with your family by now, so it’s easy to let their bullshit wash over you and down the drain like rainwater.

No, it’s the fake but has to look at least semi-real relationship that’s proving to be difficult.

Because you don’t like to compromise. You want to do what you want to do when you want to do it, and you don’t want to hear about it from anyone. But here you are, doing a quasi-photoshoot with Seokjin so he can “soft launch” you on his Instagram—which, honestly, is a little daunting. He has a lot of followers. Not surprising, considering the way he looks, but the thought of being perceived by hundreds of thousands of strangers makes you feel like you’re wearing your skin inside-out.

“Can you try looking less constipated?” he asks, tone dry as toast as he scrolls through the series of selfies the two of you just took.

You scoff. “First of all, I don’t look constipated.” Really, you don’t. “Second of all, why do you even need to do this? We only have to convince my parents, and you pissed them off so bad I’m not sure they’ll ever ask me to bring a date to anything ever again.”

“Because I have a competition next weekend that you’ll have to go to, and I don’t want anyone asking any questions.”

“What if I’m busy?”

“You’re not,” Seokjin retorts, all conviction. “If I had to clear my schedule for that dinner, you’re free for this.”

“What if I have a school thing?”

Seokjin raises an eyebrow. He’s looking at you, and you’re looking at him through his phone camera. It’s really not fair, the way his face is. “Do you?”

“No, but what if?”

He takes another picture and cackles, gleefully showing it to you. “See? You definitely look constipated.”

With a glare, you wrestle the phone out of his hand and aim it the way you want—the way you know looks good. And maybe you do a little pout, too; do that thing with your eyes that looks seductive and a little dirty. Not because you care about what Seokjin’s followers think, because you’re hot and you know it, but because you want him to suffer. Just a little bit. It’s illogical, the way you want him to look at this picture and feel… something. Half pride, half longing.

So, you angle and pout. Delight in the caught-out expression on Seokjin’s face this time, like it’s the first time he’s learning that you’re hot and that it troubles him a little. “Is that better?” you ask, sugar-sweet.

Seokjin doesn’t respond, just posts the picture to his Instagram story.

Skateboarding has never been your thing.

Your brother had gone through a phase, once. Spent all his allowance on the video games and collected CCS catalogs, spending imaginary money as he’d thumb through the pages and circle everything he wanted. Never bought a real board, though—just developed a superiority complex because he listened to the Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2 soundtrack one too many times and thought it was a legitimate substitute for actual pre-teen rebellion.

However, fake-dating Seokjin means you’re getting a crash course.

“What do these do?” you ask, holding up a set of wheels. There’s an alien holding a bong on them. They make you laugh.

Seokjin eyes you from across the shop and pointedly ignores your question. Instead, the disgruntled guy behind the register answers. “They’re wheels,” he says, tone clipped, which you answer with a surprised noise, like you’ve discovered something new.

“Wow, wheels,” you intone. “Cool.”

Done picking out new grip tape, or whatever the hell he’d said, Seokjin plucks the wheels from your hand and puts them back where you’d gotten them. “Fascinating invention, huh?”

The man behind the register smells like weed. Reeks of it, actually, and the stench is almost overbearing as you sidle up next to Seokjin at the counter. Yoongi, his name tag reads. You don’t think he looks like a Yoongi, because it kind of lends itself to a stoner character, but it also sounds kind of sweet, and the man in front of you looks like he could snap you like a twig and enjoy it.

Then—“Oh, you’re Instagram girl.”

You scowl. “I’m who.”

First, you’re reduced to nepotism and your family name; now it’s Instagram. There’s a huff halfway out of your mouth when Seokjin wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you against his side. You think he’d press a kiss to your temple if this was real. “My beautiful girlfriend,” he says, playfully hip-checking you. 

Yoongi looks between the two of you, then pushes the tape back in Seokjin’s direction. “You know you don’t have to pay for this shit, man.”

“Sure, but I can. I have a rich girlfriend now.”

He yelps when you step on his foot with the heel of your boot. “Aren’t you so lucky,” you grit out.

You don’t see the way his gaze softens, but Yoongi sure does.

Anticipation crackles in the air.

Feels like the day you’d sat for the MCAT—that brand of nervous, determined focus, bordering on excitement. Something that will really only go one of two ways with a million variables, and it’s a small relief to not be the one in the hot seat.

Hoseok had been there last time. Now, a man that’s seemingly all limbs plops down beside you, ungraceful and awkward.

“You’re Instagram girl,” he says, before sticking his hand out. “Hi, I’m Namjoon.”

Seems like Seokjin’s idea of a soft launch is anything but. Briefly, you wonder how many more people are going to forego your identity entirely in the name of Instagram, but it’s kind of nice, too—nice to be someone other than your parents’ daughter, your brother’s sister, your family name. There’s a long way to go before the patriarchy is smashed entirely, because it’s not so nice to be newly reduced to Seokjin’s girlfriend, but baby steps.

For now, it’s all right.

For now, there are far worse things you could be.

“Hi, Namjoon,” you finally reply, because he seems out of place and nice enough—nicer than Yoongi, at least. Definitely far less gruff and abrasive.

He chokes a little, like he’s surprised you responded to him. Not for the first time, it’s just sort of par for the course when you are who you are. “Oh, sorry,” he says, cheeks flushing under the guise of the relentless afternoon sun. “I just—recognized you? And couldn’t help myself? Which probably sounds really creepy, which was not my intent, it’s just—Jin doesn’t bring anyone to these things. Like, ever. So it was a little shocking! Kind of like meeting a celebrity? Even though I’ve never really done that, either. Oh! I met Greta Thunberg once. That was cool. It was, like, on accident, though? So…”

On and on he goes, bless him, because he just talks endlessly without expecting a response. You look around: the bleachers are starting to fill up, awestruck kids with humored parents, and you wonder what that’s like. To have an interest in something and have it nurtured, instead of having to live up to expectations you never wanted. Maybe you would’ve been a skateboarder, too. Maybe you would’ve shucked all those societal norms and did something you wanted, even though it doesn’t really matter now.

“Hey,” you say, stopping Namjoon’s latest spiel in its tracks, “do you come to these things often?”

Namjoon lights up like Christmas. People must not ask him about himself much. “Yeah! Well, sometimes? I’m in grad school, so I come when I have time. I thought it’d be a good idea to get two master’s degrees, so I finished my first one—in philosophy, before you ask, which was pretty stupid, because what am I gonna do with that, you know? But I guess it worked, because I had a full-blown existential crisis and decided to get a second one to put off the inevitable second existential crisis over what I was going to do with my life—”

“What was that one in?”

Namjoon startles again, and it’s almost hopelessly endearing. “Huh? Oh, Botany and Plant Pathology.”

You blink. “Plant pathology?”

“Yeah! It’s really interesting, because everything’s connected, right? Like, you can’t really fight climate change and food insecurity if you have all these diseased crops and forests, and I leaned pretty heavily into biological philosophy for my first degree, especially environmental ethics and conservation—”

“...And you come to skateboarding competitions for fun?”

His ears turn red; his cheeks and neck follow shortly thereafter. “I like physics, and skateboarding has a lot of physics.”

Just your luck. “Can you explain to me what’s going on, then?”

Namjoon does as you ask, and takes his job very seriously. He explains the rules and the implications, the rankings and what they mean for the future, who’s who and the major players. He explains tricks as they happen—how they got their names, who did them first, notable events. You remember your brother screaming at the TV the night Tony Hawk landed the 900 at the X Games, and Namjoon’s smile is so bright when you tell him about it.

“Yeah, that’s—that was so fucking cool, man. You know he was 31 when he did that? I think about that sometimes. There’s all this emphasis on aging, this juvenile notion that life peaks in your twenties, that you need to have it all figured out before you’re thirty: the job, the marriage, the house with the white picket fence, and it’s bullshit. I know it’s bullshit, but sometimes I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything at my age, and I just think: Tony Hawk landed the first 900 when he was 31 years old, and now 10 year olds are doing it. That’s fucking dope.”

He’s off on another tangent almost immediately, telling you about how he’d met Seokjin and how they became friends. You hear none of it. Seokjin comes in second place. You don’t remember much of the celebration, either.

You can’t shake the feeling that you’ve been dunked in ice-cold water. Feels a bit like drowning.

You’re good at compartmentalizing.

You have to be, growing up in the family you did. Because Namjoon’s words had rattled you, sure, but you can’t linger on them. Lectures still need to be attended, hospital shifts still need to be worked, and it’d really hurt Hoseok’s feelings if you bailed on your study sessions, so you have to tuck away all those wayward thoughts for later.

Not until you’re alone, tucked into bed far too early for someone in their mid-20s, do you think about it.

Well, it’s less ‘thinking’ and more ‘ah, these are the existential crises Namjoon was talking about.’ Certainly not your first crisis, and it won’t be your last, but it’s still… unnerving. Being a doctor was something you’d always been rock-solid about. You hadn’t wanted to go into business like your father and brother, had no interest in kissing ass in the political sphere and wielding influence like your mother, but you’d been told all your life you had to do something. Something important, something impressive, something worth bragging about—because what were you worth if your parents couldn’t talk endlessly at fundraisers about how much better you were than everyone else?

You glance at the clock: almost two a.m. There’s only one person that’ll be awake at this hour, even though you shouldn’t. Seokjin has one job, and it isn’t talking you off the proverbial ledge in the middle of the night. Still—

You: you up?

Rapid Onset Migraine: this is happening a little fast don’t you think?

You: ??? huh

You: wait no

You: that’s NOT what i meant

Rapid Onset Migraine: yeah sure

Rapid Onset Migraine: well obviously i’m awake

Rapid Onset Migraine: you ok?

You: yeah, i’m sorry to bother you about this

You: i think i’m just having a bad time?

That’s that, you think, because minutes pass without a response. But then your phone’s vibrating, lighting up in your hand. Rapid Onset Migraine flashes across the screen, his contact photo set to a meme of Handsome Squidward just because you’d thought it was funny.

“Hello?”

“Sorry,” he says immediately, “I needed to make a pot of coffee before I had this conversation.”

You hum. The comment doesn’t sting. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you drink coffee.”

“I don’t,” Seokjin answers. “Well, not usually. Only if I have an early flight or something.”

“Or need to talk through your fake girlfriend’s two a.m. existential crisis?”

“Yeah.” Seokjin laughs, and it’s almost enough of a balm. “But I’m friends with Namjoon, so I’m an expert in those by now. I keep weird hours, anyway, you know? I’m either skating or gaming, so he used to call me at, like, four in the morning because he’d read too much Kierkegaard or Beauvoir and was spiraling.” You hear him take a sip of coffee. He starts sputtering immediately. “Shit, that’s hot. Fuck, I think I burnt my tongue off.”

“Luckily you know a doctor.”

“I do,” he says, and his tone is warm. Almost proud? “Anyway, what’s going on? You read Being and Nothingness, too, or what?”

For a moment, you’re just quiet, trying to think of the words to say. You’re well aware of your privilege, make a conscious effort to not throw it around the way others might, so there’s a lot of guilt that comes with something like this. You know what people probably think: poor little rich girl, with her family money and their connections, it must be so hard to be her. It’s not, and you’re fine, but—

“Did you always want to skate professionally?” you ask, because you figure it’s safe. Doesn’t give it all away, even though Seokjin’s smart enough to read between the lines.

And, to your surprise, he plays along. Doesn’t call you out or press on the bruise, just says, “Hm, no, not really.”

“No?” you repeat, incredulous. “Seriously?”

“Seriously,” he confirms. “This is really embarrassing, but I wanted to get into software engineering or coding. Whatever would let me make video games.”

“Why would that be embarrassing?”

“Because it’s me?” Seokjin forces a laugh, pure self-deprecation. “That’s the kind of stuff people like Namjoon do. And that’s—it’s fine. I’m good at skateboarding and I get paid to do it. That’s the kind of thing kids dream about, right? Getting paid to travel around and skateboard all day?” He sighs, and it’s broken in a way that’s unsettling and familiar. A sound that could be coming from your own lips. “Don’t get me wrong, I love it and I’m thankful I get to do this as a job, it’s just not what I thought I’d be doing with my life.”

A brief silence, and then Seokjin’s talking again before you can reply, which you’re glad for. Everything feels off-center. “Is that what’s going on? School stress?”

“Maybe,” you admit, still a little breathless. “I’m just… struggling? I think? With knowing what’s actual desire and what’s just expectation.”

“Ah, I see. I don’t think I can really help with that beyond empathizing, but I’m sorry you’re going through it.” Then, like he’s telling you a secret, “If it helps at all, I think it takes a lot of courage to do this kind of introspection. It’s not easy, especially when you’re likely to find things you don’t want to.”

You can’t help but snort, but it’s gentle. Quiet, though still loud in the stillness of your bedroom. “Thanks,” you eventually reply. “Surprisingly comforting.”

“Yah, I’ll have you know I’m a very comforting person!”

“Of course you are.”

“Besides,” he says, and his tone takes on such conviction you’re sure you’ll believe whatever comes out of his mouth next with no hesitation, “it’s fine if you decide this isn’t what you wanna do. It’s never too late, or whatever, but for what it’s worth, I think you’re going to be a great doctor.”

“Or whatever,” you echo, smile creeping up on you. “That makes it sound so easy.”

“I guess it is.”

What’s it like to live like that, you wonder. Completely devoid of expectations, just going with the flow, doing what you want without crippling fear of the consequences. Must be nice, is your conclusion. Life doesn’t work like that for you, and you’ve had plenty of time to come to terms with that, so it’s fine. You’re on a path and maybe it’s not what you would’ve chosen had you had time to look at all the possibilities, but you’re on a path and it’s yours.

You want to say this to Seokjin. You want to thank him, both for the pep talk and the unfounded confidence, but your eyelids feel heavy and he’s just babbling now, something about the first time he landed a tre flip, and it’s soothing. Comforting.

Sleep takes you before you can think about it too hard—think about how Seokjin used to be nothing but a menace, the worst part of your day, and now he’s not.

You’re on another night shift, third in a row, and you’re the kind of exhausted that has you smelling colors.

Nothing makes sense. Your bones hurt. When you think about going home and finally going to bed it feels like when you’re starving and wait too long to eat and don’t feel hungry anymore. Then you finally do and it’s not satisfying, kind of makes your stomach hurt, and the cycle repeats.

Seokjin texts you to check in. After your two a.m. convo, you’re hyperaware of how much time you spend venting, so you assure him you’re fine. He drops off a coffee and some snacks, anyway. Just because he’s already up.

—

There are other hangouts. You don’t call them dates, because that word has implications and meaning and this is fake, but you have them nonetheless.

Overindulgent takeaway, equally expensive alcohol that has sat unopened in your apartment for far too long, shitty movies playing in the background, and Seokjin’s inability to stop talking. He sneakily lobs popcorn at you when he thinks you aren’t looking. This prompts an all-out war, and you both have tears streaming down your faces by the time Seokjin calls a truce.

Just days later, you spread out a gingham blanket in the park. Seokjin makes up bullshit constellations, gives them horrific names and backstories, and revels in the sound of your infectious laughter. When your head feels too heavy to hold up, you lay back in the grass and try to keep your heart in your chest when Seokjin does the same, slender fingers searching out yours in the dark.

You want so badly to kiss him. Want to crash your mouths together and kiss him breathless, but you don’t.

On your third hangout, you cover each other in silly temporary tattoos and take too many selfies. Seokjin snorts at how dumb he looks in the filters and asks you to send him some, immediately setting a particularly couple-y shot as your contact photo.

And if you get butterflies when he posts one to his Instagram story? Well, that’s your business.

—

Seokjin gets the dumb idea that he’s going to teach you to skate.

Which is not only dumb because it’s impossible, but because you’re sure your skeletal system is probably insured for millions of dollars, knowing your parents. You can’t do any of your clinical rotations with broken bones—instant dismissal—and Seokjin knows this, but he’s annoyingly persistent and assures you you’ll be fine, so you relent because you trust him, despite all odds.

Physically, you are fine. Seokjin holds onto your waist and doesn’t let you fall, which is about all you can ask for when it comes to unwanted skateboarding lessons. Emotionally, though? Not so much. You’ve been close to Seokjin before. Enough to feel his body heat; enough to get goosebumps; enough to nearly become delirious with your want to taste him.

Normally that’s fine. But now, as he uses one hand to hold your waist and the other to hold your own hand, you can’t think of a single logical explanation for depriving yourself of more of this. Because he’s steady and warm, and sometimes you teeter and he grips tighter, causing your mind to wander and think about things it shouldn’t. You’re only human, and Seokjin is an otherworldly brand of handsome, so you don’t beat yourself up over it.

Still. It ignites something, that’s for sure, and if it’s anything like Seokjin himself, it won’t be easy to extinguish.

—

It’s by complete accident that you meet Jeongguk.

Well, that’s not entirely accurate. You’ve met him before, at some bougie function your parents dragged you to, but it was brief and forced and awkward. Jeongguk was weird back then. Still is, probably, judging from his entire… presence, now.

He’s dangling upside down from a tree branch when you meet him for the second time.

“Oh. Jeongguk. Hi?”

“Hi!” he says, smile brighter than the sun, and before you can ask him why he’s upside down in a tree there’s a massive camera in front of his face. “Are you here to see Jin?”

Here is a public sidewalk, but you don’t say that. Instead, you say, “I’m on my way home. Why are you in a tree?”

His response is nonverbal, just a finger point dead ahead of you. Some Brutalist architecture leftover from the ‘50s—a large set of stairs, public fountain, weird art sculpture, a small crowd. Doesn’t take long to learn what they’re there for: Seokjin grinds down the rail, lands perfectly, nearly skates into the street and gets whacked by a car. Everyone cheers.

Ah, that explains the camera, too. You vaguely recall your mother telling you the youngest Jeon went to school for filmmaking. She hadn’t sounded impressed. You wonder what she’d think if she knew he was your delinquent, skateboarder, fake boyfriend’s videographer. Probably something aneurysm-inducing.

“He’s so cool,” Jeongguk says, whimsical and dreamy in a way that sounds like he has framed photos of Seokjin on his walls. Maybe his picture in a heart frame, like that one meme. “You’re so lucky.” There’s definitely some jealousy there.

You raise an eyebrow. “You wanna date him instead?”

Jeongguk seems to mull it over. Doesn’t move from his spot in the tree, either, and you reckon he’s got another sixty seconds before you forcefully turn him right side up. “Nah. He seems really happy with you.”

“We’re not—” Together, your brain finishes, but you can’t bring yourself to say it. So you cough, hope Jeongguk hasn’t caught it, and say, “Yeah, we’re not doing too bad,” instead.

—

“I think you’re too far gone, personally.”

You can’t help but roll your eyes. What does Hoseok know? Okay, he’s probably the smartest person you know, but that’s medicine. He hasn’t had a long-term partner in years, so yeah, what does Hoseok know.

“I am not,” you insist, because the majority of your time in this library has been spent defending the validity of your love life, not studying. “Hobi, look.” You sigh, snapping shut your notebook. A migraine is forming just thinking about the amount of reviewing you’re gonna have to do at home to make up for this. “Does it really matter, in the grand scheme of things? Life is fleeting and we’re all inconsequential, so I understand why you’re grilling me on this and not the MLE review book we paid for—”

He pulls a face. “It was fifty bucks! You’re acting like I’m out thousa—”

“Not the point!”

Hoseok squeezes his eyes shut. Pinches the bridge of his nose. Presses his fingers deep into his frontal sinus points. “I think it not being the point is the point, though? None of this was necessary. You could’ve just brought him to the wedding without having to pretend he’s your boyfriend.” You move to protest. He waves you off. “I know you wanted to get back at your parents. Your parents suck, so I get it, but don’t you think this is a little much?”

“How?”

Now it’s Hoseok’s turn to sigh. Put-upon, like he’s a beleaguered parent talking to a very idiotic child. “Uh, how about the fact that the two of you are going on actual dates, for one? And they’re definitely dates, so I don’t want to hear it. You took him to a Michelin star restaurant, quote-unquote, just because.”

“I was hungry!”

“Sure, okay, whatever you say.” He throws his hands up, clearly defeated, and it settles all wrong in your gut. Hoseok gets mad, sure, but never at you. Not even annoyed. “Have you given any thought at all, even considered just a teeny-tiny bit, that this might not be as fake as you think?”

“No,” you retort, petulant, because it is fake and you don’t need Hoseok to tell you that.

But Hoseok is smart, you know, so you were never going to get off easy. “I think you actually like him.”

“I know. You’ve said that a hundred times.”

“And I’ll say it a hundred and one, if I have to. Fuck, your head must be made of concrete.”

“Could be,” comes your breezy response. “Maybe that’s why my mother hates me.”

Hoseok chokes. Knocks his tea over and onto the MLE guide, which prompts a distressed shriek from him and a harsh shushing from the rest of the library.

So much for it only being fifty dollars.

—

Unbeknownst to you, Yoongi does leave his skate shop, which comes as a shock for a man who has severe cavedweller vibes.

“Hey, Instagram,” he says, smelling like actual cologne and laundry detergent instead of a dispensary as he stands behind you in line.

Yoongi is clearly talking to you. You know he’s talking to you, but you still pause, fragile like a deer caught in headlights, and look over your shoulder as if he could be talking to anyone else. “Uh. Hi?”

He squints. “You are Instagram girl, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I thought so, but you looked at me like I was the one who’s stupid so I wasn’t sure.”

Did he just call you stupid? “Did you just call me stupid?”

Yoongi shrugs. “What’s good here?” he asks, changing the subject. He definitely called you stupid.

“I—most things? I don’t know, I always just get a cold brew with oat milk.”

He grimaces. “Ew, gross. I’m gonna go grab a table. Grab me a medium iced americano.”

You order him a small, purely out of spite, and Yoongi doesn’t come to this coffee shop often enough to know the difference so he doesn’t even notice when you set it down in front of him. Takes all the satisfaction out of being petty. He must know. “Thanks,” he says, not looking up from his phone as he unwraps a straw and stabs his drink perfectly in the center.

“Sure. I’ll send you a Venmo request.”

“Oh, I don’t have Venmo.” He finally looks up. “Are you going to Jin’s thing?” All he receives in response is a blank stare. “The skate comp. Second qualifying round for the big championship event? Surely he’s told you about this.”

Let no man ever say you’re a bad liar. “Ah, yeah, of course! Med student brain. It’s all memorizing neural pathways and… stuff… and forgetting skate competitions.”

“Hm,” comes Yoongi’s response, and he quirks an eyebrow but doesn’t question you further.

(You bring it up to Seokjin later, expecting him to laugh it off, extend an invitation out of obligation. Instead, he laughs in a way that sounds fond. Says, “Yoongi beat me to it,” in a way that brings his scarlet red neck and ears to the forefront of your brain, and follows it up with, “I’d really love it if you came, but I understand how busy you must be right now,” that has your skin flushing all the same.

You’re loath to make promises, but sometimes they’re easy.)

Time is not on your side.

You barely make it to Seokjin’s second competition. Barely have your ass in the bleachers, hairline dotted with sweat and anxiety coursing through you, before he’s dropping into the bowl for his first run.

He’d mentioned it offhand. Told you it wasn’t a big deal if you couldn’t make it, because he knew how busy you were with school and that you needed to study because exam season was relentless, but he’d looked so relieved when you joked that it wasn’t so easy to get rid of you, that you’d be cheering him on from the first row. That being anywhere else just wasn’t an option.

And that had… taken you aback. Watching him skate is a good enough distraction for all those thoughts. You don’t have to dwell on the whys: why the thought of sitting in your apartment, nose stuck in a book instead of being here, had been so unconscionable. Instead, you’re able to focus on him, which is almost worse. Because the way he looks—wind pushing his hair back off his forehead as he skates around, calf muscles flexing every time he kicks, shirt fabric darkening under a light sheen of sweat, smiling at kids and the countless people he knows—is a little overwhelming. You’re winded for two reasons.

It’s a beautiful thing, watching someone do something they’re passionate about. Seokjin especially, but you’re biased. You want only good things for him.

His first run finishes. He chews on his bottom lip as the judges huddle together. Numbers flash on the scoreboard. Good—great, even. You know what the stakes are: score high enough and he’ll advance to the championship. More sponsors will fall in line. Someone will present him with one of those comically large checks that he’ll probably spend on god-knows-what at Yoongi’s shop.

More skaters follow. Highs and lows. Seokjin watches them all, enraptured, just as happy for their successes as his own. Someone bails out right next to him, arms out to break their fall, making a sound an arm should never make, and Seokjin’s there right away. He’s good.

Except the universe doesn’t always reward goodness. His second run starts off well: smooth as butter, impressively technical. Seokjin is fluid when he skates. Makes it look easy, like you could hop on a board and do it just as well. You watch him, but you almost like watching everyone else watch him more: the wide eyes, the whistles under their breath, the nods of approval. Seokjin’s got all of it, truly thrives on the admiration. He’s good, he’s good, he’s good.

You know it’s coming. That trick he’d told you about—the one he’s never been able to land during a competition. The one that’s gnawing away at him. He’s going to try it, and you’re holding your breath as he kickflips, grinds his board along the rail, does some kind of dismount that looks absurd and impossible to your untrained eye.

Then he’s on the ground.

He’s still for a second. Huffs in frustration. Back on his board before you can blink.

Seokjin’s not a child, but you know it stings. You’re overwhelmed by the urge to comfort him, the way he’s done for you countless times, but you shouldn’t so you don’t. The two of you don’t talk until after, and by then it might not matter.

It isn’t until he’s about to drop in for his final run that he scans the crowd. You want to believe the look on his face when he spots you is relief, but it’s painted over in a nanosecond. He smiles, smug but content, and then he’s shoving his helmet back on his head, clapping someone on the back, and he’s off.

Maybe the universe does reward goodness, because everything goes right this time.

Seokjin lines up to attempt the trick again, because if he’s going to go out it’s going to be on his terms. Completely unshakeable, the kind of attitude that gets plastered on those bullshit inspirational posters about falling down nine times and getting up ten, and you wonder, briefly, if it’s stupid. A good score would be enough to get him through, but he wants to do this.

And he does.

Everyone around you erupts as soon as the trick is landed. Seokjin calls the run early—just a handful of seconds left, anyway—and his fellow competitors are on him immediately. Someone picks him up in a bear hug and spins him around, and the joy on his face is so pure, so unbridled, that you almost cry.

But the wait is torturous. His second run had gone so poorly and those in the top spots had done so well that it’ll be close, even with a gazelle flip under his belt. Nothing is certain, and the way you can barely bring yourself to look at the scoreboard is proof enough. Seokjin is good, and you want only good things for him, and you can barely look at the scoreboard but you can’t look away, either—

The roar of the crowd is deafening.

A freeze-frame moment. All around you, there are fists in the air, shrill yells of Seokjin’s name, maybe a chant, nothing but chaos. You can hardly hear yourself think, but you can see just fine, and what you see is Seokjin’s gaze locked on yours. The corners of his mouth lifting into a smile. A flicker of hesitation before he’s gracefully shrugging everyone off of him and making his way over to you, and then it’s just reflex. Here, you know what to do.

You barely flinch when he grabs the back of your neck and pulls you in.

Everything is soft. Feels a bit like floating.

Seokjinnie: do you wanna come over later?

Seokjinnie: i can either cook or get takeout, your choice

The apartment is small and you love it because he kisses you at the door. Seokjin has lips you want to memorize, so you kiss him again as he pulls away. The two of you kiss for a long time: throughout the “tour,” which is just the large studio space and the bathroom, all over the kitchen as he finishes cooking, until he exaggeratedly pulls out your chair, until you have to shove food in your face to keep your mouth off of him.

Seokjin has the kind of lips that leave you questioning if it’s really this easy.

Because Hoseok had been right: this isn’t fake for you anymore. Hasn’t been for a while, if you’re being honest, and maybe before this would’ve been a realization that scared you, but this doesn’t. Not when it’s Seokjin. So, yeah, maybe it is easy.

“Wait,” he says, chest heaving, gently pulling away from you. “Before I—wait, I have to talk to you about something.”

You just smile, hands still grazing over warm skin. “I think I already know.”

He stills. Takes a few seconds to reboot his brain before he’s smiling, laughing in a way that almost sounds unhinged. “God, yeah. Yeah, me too. But it’s—not that.”

“What, then?”

Immediately it’s clear this is not going to go well. Seokjin sighs, tilts his head back against the arm of the couch. His neck is gorgeous, littered with marks from you, but you gear up for a fight nonetheless. “The competition,” he says, as if that’s enough explanation. “The final round got pushed up.”

Your stomach drops. You know what’s coming, but you still ask, “To when?” because you’re a little bit masochistic. Because maybe you’re itching for the fight. Itching to say see, I told you so, I knew this was never going to work, because it’s always been fake. Itching to hurt, because you want what’s familiar when you hurt.

“Saturday.”

The day of your brother’s wedding. “Of course.” You snort; the universe loves a good dose of irony.

He sighs again. Looks so genuinely distressed that you find it hard to truly be upset. “I’m sorry. I just found out today.”

“It’s fine,” comes your instantly reply, auto-generated. Some silly, naive part of you refuses to spiral, stubbornly convinced you can salvage this. You’d found a date. That was the rule. You’ve done exactly what your parents asked of you, and you think with a rueful smile that they’ll probably be relieved when you show up alone.

But Seokjin’s not convinced. There’s still turmoil painted across his face—some silly, naive part of him clinging to something stubborn, too. “I’m going to ask you to be there.”

Yet another freeze-frame moment. The part in video games where it’s clear you have a very important choice to make, neon signs practically blinding, saying you better choose right, better not fuck it up. But you’re going to. You’re going to say no, and it’s going to hurt Seokjin, and you have about ten seconds to come to peace with that.

“I can’t.”

To his credit, Seokjin doesn’t look surprised, and you think that might be more painful. He’d expected nothing from you and you still let him down, so his snort is sardonic and derisive when he says, “Of course you can’t.”

And your tone is defensive and disbelieving when you retort, “What’s that supposed to mean? What exactly do you expect me to do here?”

“Nothing,” he says. “I didn’t expect you to do anything, I’d foolishly hoped you’d say yes.”

Your jaw drops. Snaps shut when you swallow around the lump in your throat, because you’re not going to cry at not living up to another set of invisible expectations. “It’s my brother’s wedding, Seokjin. It’s not some small thing I can blow off.”

“Is that it?” he challenges, eyebrow quirked, expression bemused. “Or do you not want to lose your precious little trust fund?”

“Are you serious? Of course I don’t want to lose it, but I—”

“You don’t even like your brother,” he continues, giving you absolutely no reprieve. No chance to catch up, catch your breath. “You don’t even like your family, but I guess you like their money. Nothing was ever gonna be more important than that, huh?”

“That’s not fair, Seokjin.”

He hums; knows you’re right. Doesn’t try to get in anymore jabs, but he looks broken. “I don’t think this has been fake for either of us for a long time. It was stupid to think you’d go against your family on this, but I thought maybe, for me—”

“Again, that’s not fair.”

“I know it isn’t fair,” he shoots back. “I know that. I just…” He rubs his hands over his face. “I can’t skip this, and you’re not willing to skip yours, so I don’t—I don’t know what to do.”

“I can just go alone,” you say, because it seems simple. “I already did what they asked, so I can just go alone. It’s fine.”

“It’s not like that for me.”

You’re stunned into silence. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s irrational, but it’s… the principle. For me. I’m never going to match up, you know? I’m never going to be from your world. I can make all the money in the world doing what I do and I’ll still never come close. So I had this stupid thought in my head, like, if she comes then it’s real for her, too. It means something. If she’s there, we can figure it out.”

“And that’s the only way? It’s only real if I do this one thing? Doesn’t matter how we feel?” You laugh, exasperated, and you’re up and halfway to the door. “That’s bullshit, Seokjin. How am I supposed to live up to these expectations you’ve got of me if you never tell me what the fuck they are? You know, that’s—this is exactly what my family does, and you—you know that, what the fuck.”

“Hey, no—”

“I can’t belie—” Things go all glassy. Crystalline. You need to get out of here. “I shouldn’t have asked you to do this. I’m sorry.”

“Wait—”

You press harshly into your eyes. You’re not going to cry over this. “Good luck, Seokjin.”

[THE CHOICE]

Things come full circle during another two a.m. crisis.

You’d stared at the ceiling. Scrolled mindlessly through your phone. Ignored Seokjin’s texts and thought about texting Hobi but decided it wouldn’t be fair and instead went cross-eyed watching some questionable late night paid program. Tried to disregard the crippling weight on your chest. Couldn’t. Thought about what Namjoon might do, because he seems well-versed in these sorts of crises, and looked up Sartre quotes on the internet. Got as far as one and quit, both because it hit too close to home and because all you can think about is your last two a.m. crisis.

Seokjin’s voice had been so soft. It wouldn’t have that same tenderness if you called him now and that stings, knowing you had a good thing, something velvet, and you let it go.

And still you think about Namjoon, about the ethics of conservation: when to preserve and when to let die. Does preservation ensure survival, or does it stave off the inevitable? It all gives you a headache, because nothing is guaranteed but that doesn’t mean you don’t try.

Jimin goes to Milan. Taehyung posts a selfie looking sad and beautiful on some balcony in Paris. You don’t want to be like them, doing some perpetual song and dance. Resisting an obvious thing.

Your brother answers on the second ring.

“Hello?” Groggy and confused. A voice you’ve heard a million times that still feels indistinguishable from a stranger’s.

“I can’t come to your wedding.”

A moment of silence, both literally and for your trust fund. “Uh, okay.”

“I’m sorry,” you rush out, because it feels important to say even if you don’t necessarily feel sorry. “I, uh—I am sorry, because I like your fiancée and I know this is probably a huge inconvenience considering your wedding is in a few hours, but I can’t—”

There’s some rustling. You don’t think you’ve ever talked to your brother in the middle of the night before. “It’s really fine.” He yawns. “This couldn’t wait ‘til the morning, though?”

“Not really.”

“Alright. Why do you sound like you’re about to have a panic attack?”

A lightbulb moment: he doesn’t know. “I am. You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“That Mom and Dad threatened to cut me off if I didn’t show up at your wedding with a date.”

More silence. Then, slowly, the trickle of laughter. Just a quiet snort at first, and you’re a little confused, wonder if you should be laughing too, if he’s laughing at you, and then it compounds until he’s nearly in hysterics. “Oh my god.” He’s almost shrieking. “Holy shit. That’s why you brought that guy to dinner, isn’t it? The one they hated?” It’s the first time you’ve heard him sound like this.

“Yeah.”

“That’s fucking hilarious. Fair play.” You wonder why you’ve spent two-plus decades hating this man on the other end of the line. “Okay, then. Why can’t you make it?”

You talk until you’re hoarse: about the competition, the fake relationship that hasn’t been all that fake for weeks, about the trust fund and growing up under the weight of your family’s money and expectations and always coming in third behind societal ass-kissing and your brother. You’re not looking for an apology but you get one anyway. A heart-to-heart in a moment that’s not entirely built for one, because the sun is coming up and your brother is still getting married in a few hours even if you won’t be there to witness it.

“All right, I really gotta go, but listen: I’ll talk to them, okay? And I’m rooting for you. Maybe in a few weeks you and Seokjin can come over for dinner, if it all works out.”

“Yeah, sure.” You agree readily, and it’s nice to have someone that shares your name in your corner. “I’ll make sure he behaves.” Your smile drops, chest cracked in half. “If it works out.”

Your brother says goodnight and wishes you well. Hangs up, and the silence is deafening and consolatory. You think about the Sartre quote again: Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Whatever happens, you think you’ll do just fine when it’s on your own terms.

Perhaps naively, you expected the day of your brother’s wedding—and subsequently Seokjin’s competition—to be gloomy. Of course, the weather is perfect. Mid-70s, light breeze, cloudless blue sky. When you’re wounded everything feels like an attack, so maybe before it would’ve felt like the universe was mocking you, saying look how beautiful and intact the world is when you’re falling apart, but you see something else.

You’d done a lot of thinking. Soul-searching and introspection and all those uncomfortable, vulnerable things you and Seokjin had talked about before, and you’ve made it to the other side, so a cloudless blue sky on a beautiful afternoon doesn’t feel like an attack. What you see is clarity being reflected back at you.

But it still takes a lot of courage. Instead of putting on a stunning, designer dress and painting on a smile to pacify your family and anyone else important enough to be granted entry, you’re pulling on normal clothes and normal shoes. It doesn’t matter if your hair and makeup are done. Everything feels wrong for a moment, like you’re forgetting something important, and you suppose that’s normal. This is arguably the biggest and most consequential decision you’ve made thus far in your life. No wonder you’re out of sorts.

Normally, this is where you’d compartmentalize. Tuck all that discomfort away for later: a problem for Future You. But that had been your go-to for years, and it did nothing but turn you into an emotionally constipated mess, so you’re done with that—trying to be done with that. Which is fine, because you don’t have a plan, not really, but sometimes it’s enough to simply show up, so that’s what you’re going to do.

Rejection is likely. You’re smart enough to know that, and you’re mature enough to accept it, if it comes down to it. But you don’t want Seokjin to feel rejected. Not again. That’s more important. So you’re going to show up, heart on your sleeve, and if he rejects you, fine, but you’re going to be there. And you’re going to cheer when he wins, even if your voice is drowned out.

Another packed event. It helps to feel anonymous when your sympathetic nervous system is working overtime like this. You’re trembling by the time you find a spot—a little out of the way, no room left on the bleachers. Seokjin probably won’t see you here, wouldn’t think to look, and it’s okay. You’re here for him but you’re here for yourself, too. Just to prove you can. Just to prove that you’re still human.

It all goes by in a blur. The skaters you don’t recognize, some you do. Scores that are both meaningful and meaningless until they aren’t. Seokjin’s name gets called and your stomach drops, but it’s okay. You see Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jeongguk, all nervous energy and bit fingernails and cautious smiles. They don’t see you, but it’s okay.

Two runs happen in a nanosecond. Seokjin holds steady in third. The guy sitting in first falls on his final run, and it’s best of three so you’re not breathing easy yet but your fingers start tingling with anticipation. The guy in second does well but nothing good enough to improve his score. Your phone’s blowing up in your pocket. Presumably your brother’s told your parents by now, and you can wait just a little longer to get cut off. What’s in front of you is more important, it is, and you know it when—

Call it divine intervention, but Seokjin looks up just as he’s about to drop into the bowl. Looks right at you, and the tingle spreads from your fingers all over. Another freeze-frame moment; the two of you are getting good at this.

He smiles. He wins.

Feels a bit like falling in love.

As always, thank you for reading! My inbox is always open if you’d like to leave feedback. I’d love to hear your thoughts! ❤

[humorisstoredinthetits]

Heathers Candy Store AU

This is another completely random AU that I thought of

An alternate title is The Heathers bribe Veronica with candy AU

In this AU Veronica never meets the Heathers in the bathroom and so she never joins the Heathers and stays a loser

She graduates and goes to a college near Sherwood with Martha and Betty

She moves into an apartment with them and to make rent she starts looking for a job

After a bit of searching she sees that there's a job opening at a store called Heather's Candy Store and she thinks 'why not its a candy store how hard can it be'

It turns out she got the name of the store wrong

Its actually Heathers' Candy Store

If she had saw that then she would never have applied

She shows up one day after she gets called in for an interview

Its a quaint little store in the Sherwood Mall, its not super big but it smells amazing

She goes in and who is at the register but Heather McNamara

Veronica does a double take whenever she sees her and she prays that she doesn't recognize her

She doesn't

She goes up to Mac and explains that she's here for the interview and Mac yells for Heather to come out bc the interviewee is here

At this point Veronica puts two and two together and realizes that the name of the store is not Heather's but Heathers' and that this is the Heathers' store

She debates just bolting but she decides to just go to the interview and then politely decline the job and look somewhere else

While she's waiting she looks around and she sees Duke working behind a glass screen making some kind of candy

At this point she's just more confused that the high school bullies opened up a candy store at the mall instead of like, she doesn't know, getting rich people jobs or just living off their parents wealth

Then the mythic bitch herself, Heather Chandler, walks out of the back room and Veronica's suddenly taken back to high school, doing everything in her power to keep her head down and stay out of the warpath of the color coded cunts and to protect Martha and Betty from their wrath

Internally panicking, she awkwardly shuffles into the back room, wishing the interview was over already

She expects to be relentlessly grilled about her qualifications and what she can bring to their store and laughed out after she gets rejected

Instead Chandler comes to her with a pleasant attitude and smiles and tells her how they would be happy to have her at their store

Veronica is taken aback at the emotional whiplash and she wonders if she entered an alternate timeline where the Heathers are nice

She still initially wants to reject the job offer because she's not fully sure if this is a troll and she doesn't trust them despite their friendly demeanor

But then Chandler tells her about their flexible working schedule, decent pay and free candy with every shift

Veronica takes a moment to think about it and she realizes that this is probably the best deal she's gonna get as a college student seeking part-time work so against her better judgement she agrees to work there

Also the free candy is a good incentive too, she has a big sweet tooth

She goes back to her apartment and tells Martha and Betty about how the fucking Heathers opened a candy store and they are just as shocked as she was

They both think that this is a trap of some sort and she needs to quit but then Veronica tells them about the pay and free candy and they admit that those are good benefits

Martha pulls her aside later and tells her to be careful, the Heathers might try and trick her like they did with her and a fake note from Ram during homecoming last year

Fast forward to her first day of work

She arrives at the store when the mall opens and she gets her uniform which is like one of those classic striped ones

Everyone's is color coded obviously

The way the store is set up is that Mac runs the register bc she has people skills, Duke is the one who actually makes the candy, and Chandler does the administrative stuff plus paperwork and all that other bs

The plan is to teach Veronica both the register and how to make candy in the event that Duke or Mac can't work or need extra help

To say it goes poorly is an understatement

For the register, Veronica has no real idea of what she's doing and theres all these different measurements and prices she has to remember and the store is much busier than expected so she had less time to learn than expected

Mac is constantly having to come over and show her something or fix a mistake she made

They decide to move her over to the making candy part and somehow she does even worse

She mixes up a lot of things and ruins a few batches of different stuff

By the closing she feels super embarrassed that she couldn't do some simple stuff and she's pretty sure she's gonna get fired, especially considering that she screwed up in front of the Heathers

But to her surprise the Heathers apologize to her

They say they should've known that Saturday was gonna be a busy day and not a good day to start her training and they take the blame for her failures

They say they're all gonna come in early tomorrow and teach her right this time

Veronica is just dumbstruck that the motherfucking Heathers actually apologized to someone and just goes uh huh yeah before running off

She goes home and tells Martha and Betty and they're convinced that the Heathers are gonna pull some kind of trick to get their revenge for her messing up

Veronica is not fully convinced, sure the Heathers were mean in High School, well mean is an understatement, they were downright evil, but they were still just teenagers and they have had time to change

Even still she goes into work the next day keeping an eye out for any funny business

She goes in half expecting to see the Heathers just standing there ready to laugh at her

But instead they take the time to teach her everything and point out little tips on how to remember certain things

Mac even took the time to print out a sheet and tape it next to the register with all the prices and instructions on how to ring up different candy

Veronica is the first employee they've had and so they didn't really realize that a new employee would need time to learn the ropes

By the time they open Veronica has a handle on most things and while she still needs a little help here and there she's got a hang of most things

From then on things start to improve

While they work the Heathers talk to her about whatever and she learns a lot about them

She learns that Mac loves animals and has a pet rabbit named Munchkin and that she donates a portion of the profit to the local animal shelter each month

She learns that Duke likes to read classic books but they also bond over their shared love of all things creepy and just plain weird

And while she doesn't see much of Chandler she learns that she is truly dedicated to their business and that she really just wants to make candy that people will enjoy

Every day she comes home with her bag of leftover candy which her and Betty and Martha just consume

Things are looking up that is until she sees something she probably wasn't supposed to

She came in early one day bc she just happened to get to the mall early one day and she sees Mac and Duke making out on the counter

She quickly walks away and prays that they didn't see her, which luckily she didn't

She assumed the Heathers were just allies, they didn't strike her as gay, but she knew they weren't homophobes because they had made some rainbow candy and specifically sold it as pride

In hindsight that and the color coded outfits should have tipped her off but at the time the idea that the Heathers were anything but straight never crossed their mind

***Break bc word count limit is stupid***

If they would have been out at Westerburg they would have been even lower on the totem pole and Veronica and her friends, so the very idea that they were gay was unthinkable

She's a little awkward around them for the rest of the day but she eventually forgets about it and moves on

That is until a few weeks later the same thing happens but this time its Mac and Chandler that are making out

Luckily they don't see her either but Veronica is outraged that Mac is cheating on one of them, she doesn't know which but she's angered on behalf of whichever one

She's really cold to Mac that day, she doesn't respond to her attempts to make conversation, etc.

This really upsets Mac bc she doesn't know what she did or why Veronica is being so cold to her and eventually she starts crying

This pisses off Duke and Chandler and they demand to know whats Veronica's damage

Veronica admits that she saw Duke and Mac kissing one morning and this morning she saw Mac and Chandler kissing and that Mac is cheating on one of them

They all look at her and then they all just start laughing

Veronica is super confused as to why they are laughing at this really serious thing

It takes a few minutes before Duke calms down enough to explain that they're all in a polyamorous relationship which they explain to her is when multiple people are dating each other which the other's consent

Veronica goes ohhhhhhhh and apologizes to Mac which she accepts saying that it was perfectly reasonable, if she didn't know and saw what she say she would act the same way

They decide to tell her the story of their lives and why they decided to open a Candy Store

They assume she went to Westerburg and that's why she was so weary of them in the beginning (Veronica didn't notice they picked up on that) so they made an effort to be nice and welcoming to her to show that they've really changed since high school

They say that they've all been dating since Junior Year, Mac and Chandler since Freshmen, friends for years before that, and that they've always had a dream to open a Candy Store and just make and sell candy all day

Candy makes people happy and its just plain fun to make and in a way it makes them feel better about how they acted in school, they've hurt a lot of people but with their store they can put some good back into the world

Another first but they apologize to her for how they acted in high school, they didn't do anything to her specifically but they know how awful they were, but it was a kill or be killed situation which Veronica understands

She tells them that while she accepts their apology, there's someone else that they really need to apologize to, her friend Martha

The Heather's eyes widen as they remember who Veronica is

They tell her that one day they will apologize to Martha and explain everything, and Veronica says thats good enough for now

Now that the secret's out the Heathers are a lot more affectionate with each other around Veronica and it starts to make her feel a certain way

As a bisexual disaster herself she's always thought the Heathers were attractive, but with how genuine they were with her and how clear it was that they had changed and were remorseful for how they acted back at school she starts to develop feelings for them

As it turns out the Heathers also feel the same

It starts out with light flirting, just jokes that they say they can make now that the secrets out but it slowly turns into something more

Mac was always physically affectionate with everyone, but her touches start to linger and little longer than usual

When her and Duke talk about whatever and she makes Duke laugh and she looks Veronica in the eyes and it lasts just too long to be friendly

And she sees Chandler watch her interact with her gfs with this small smile on her face

Eventually there comes a day where things are really slow and her and Mac are standing at the register just talking and she makes Mac laugh and when she calms down she leans in for a kiss

Veronica, on autopilot bc this pretty girl is kissing her kisses back until her brain wakes up and goes 'VERONICA YOU IDIOT SHE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP' and she pulls away

Neither Duke or Chandler seem mad, they're more annoyed with Mac and they're like 'goddamnit Mac we weren't gonna tell her yet' and Veronica is just so confused

Basically they admit to her that they've liked her for a while now and they were planning to make this whole big surprise involving a crap ton of candy to ask her to join their relationship

Veronica, obviously going to join the relationship is like you guys didn't have to do all of that of course I'm gonna join

They decide to close early that day and just spend the entire day just eating candy and making out

However, Veronica knows they'res one last thing they have to do before she'll fully join

She invites the Heathers over to her apartment to finally make good on their promise to apologize to Martha and Betty for how they acted in high school

They decide to do it over dinner, and its really tense

No one is saying anything, and they're all just waiting for someone else to start talking

Eventually Veronica breaks the ice to tell them that the Heathers have something they would like to say to them and before they can open their mouths Martha launches into a rant about how horribly they treated her and her friends and how they tugged at her heartstrings and just layed into them

Once Martha calms down the Heathers begin to apologize

They say how they know what they did was wrong and that they wish they could take it all back but they can't and that all they can really do is move forward and try to make peace with the past

They also tell her their rationale for opening their store, the same as they told Veronica

They also offer her a pass which would allow her to get as much candy from their store as she pleases for free as a sign of goodwill

Martha stays silent for a moment before saying that she doesn't forgive them and probably never will, but she can't spend the rest of her life hating them and that she would also like to let the past be in the past and move forward

Veronica shows up to work a few days later when she is intercepted by Mac who puts a blindfold around her eyes and walks her towards the store where Chandler and Duke are waiting

The blindfold is removed to reveal that the store has a new sign stating "Heathers' + Veronica's Candy Store"

[gabessquishytum]

ok, Selkies then, right? Cool, I got my BA in literature and cultural studies for this moment.

So some neigboring Queen gives Hob this seal fur coat she found. She trying to tell to Hob that she's totally DTF, but Hob is just like "right, thanks," and has the coat put away and doesn't want to think about it cause he's not really ready for the whole marriage thing, it's all stupidly political and complicated and he'd rather just keep the gifts the suitors-to-be send over in a hall where he doesn't have to look at them.

Meal while, Dream has been looking for his coat left and right, and that sucks because he wants to be a seal again. Eventually, he find that it was sold at market to a woman who worked for the queen, and when he tracked her down, the woman informed him that the queen gave it to Hob.

So *heavy sigh* Drean has to go tell Hob that he, Dream, needs his coat back to go back home.

No one will let him see Hob, no one will tell Hob that Dream wants an audience. And Dream has to brake into Hob's bed chambers to demand the coat back.

When Hob wakes up, he sees this man over him and is like "well, something just awoke in me."

But Dream has no time for these sexy shenanigans, he wants his coat back and if Hob could just kindly point him to wear it's being kept, Dream can get it and be on his way home.

And Hob, very happy to be rid of the coat for a good cause, says "I can get that for you," and Before Dream can stop him, Hob get's the coat and hands it to Dream. Dream won't take it, so Hob just drops it in his arms, so Dream can't really refuse him.

Hib gives one of his warm and goes back to bed, but Dream follows him.

Hob explains that he doesnt need permission to leave, and Dream should return home.

And Dream meekly explains that returning the coat like this was akin to a marriage proposals, and Dream taking it basically meant they were married now, and it would be impolight for him to *a-hem* leave his husband wanting on their wedding night.

And Hob doesn't want Dream to feel obligated, but Dream's on board if Hob is, and who is Hob to argue if a beautiful husband gals into his lap?

Hob is like fuck yeah!! I don't have to do all the boring political matchmaking!

But of course he feels super guilty for accidentally trapping Dream into a marriage! He feels like such an idiot. But Dream is like "actually my family sent me onto land to try and find a spouse but things got complicated and I lost my coat so this is good, I can go home and tell everyone that I'm not useless!"

And Hob is like "useless?? Why would your family say that, you're obviously perfect???" And Dream blushes and decides that his new husband is rather lovely, actually.

Turns out that Dream is actually a selkie prince! His family kind of suck and he much prefers being Hob’s consort. Dream tries to let Hob have the coat back to show that he won't run away but Hob refuses because he's determined to let Dream have as much freedom as he needs to be himself. So Dream takes Hob to the sea and they swim together and have sex on the beach as a kind of big Fuck You to Dream’s terrible family.

Hob issues a proclamation that is basically like "if you fucking touch my husband or his coat i will have you personally murdered :))" and I like to imagine that they have lots of lovely little selkie babies together or alternatively adopt some babies who have lost their parents. And when Dream goes back to visit his family, they have to begrudgingly admit that he's done very, very well for himself.

[cocogrrrl]

play pretend

to what lengths will you let yourself have feelings for your best friend, kyle broflovski? (alternate version to passenger in the rain)

kyle broflovski x female!reader (best friends to lovers), kind of one-sided kenny x reader cw brooding (maybe unlikeable) yn, Kenny is as distraction wc: 2931

an: as per request of 💫 anon dearest <3 also some scenes in the other vers is used here as well

Sick, embarrassed, and ashamed. That’s what you feel.

You really shouldn’t be having feelings for your best friend, Kyle. Well, you could and you did, but god, did you hate it. You loathed, detested, and abhorred the feeling of falling in love with him—mainly because you hated dealing with your feelings.

It feels so embarrassing to be so head over heels for your best friend and try to cover it up as well. The “what-ifs” of what could and would happen if he found out freaked you out. Would he be cool about it? Probably not. It would be super awkward, and he’d try to play it off, but it’d be too much to bear, and you two would eventually stop being friends. That’s what you think would happen, at least.

Stupid feelings aren’t worth risking for worthwhile, maybe lifetime, happiness.

Then again, you enjoyed where you were right now—in Kyle’s bed beside him. He was completely knocked out, and his jaw was slightly agape, with the softest of snores filling the dead of the room. The sun gently shone on his face, causing him to look a lot warmer than he actually was—since his body temperature was normally cold even during the heat of the summer.

It felt almost saccharine, almost as if you were already together, if not for the fact that there was a barrier to what extent you could stay like this. Maybe you could just play pretend for a bit in moments like these. You sighed at the thought, lifting yourself from the sheets to go fix your bedhead appearance up.

When you got back after tidying yourself up, you were greeted with a disheveled-looking Kyle already awoken. He looked all groggy, with him rubbing his eyes while his poofy hair was flattened on one side. “Good morning…” He croaked out.

“Mornin’.” You tipped your head and smiled, leaning on the door frame. “You look like you slept well.”

“Sure did,” he yawned, stretching out. “What time is it?”

“I believe it is twelve-thirty PM.” You replied, checking the time of your phone. You were right. It was 12:37 PM.

“Shit, really?”

You nodded. “Why?

“I gotta pick up Ike from his friend’s place around two. He has this group project thing. Mom and Dad’s attending a friend’s wedding today, so they dropped him off earlier this morning.”

“You want someone to come along with you?” You hummed, checking your phone to see if you were busy today. To your delight, you weren’t. 

“Are you sure? I don’t wanna worry your parents or anything.” 

“Nah,” you beamed, finding yourself smiling at his worry for your parents. Despite the fact that you two have known each other for nearly forever, therefore you two were always hanging out together, he still was always worried about your parents getting upset. “I’ll just tell them that I’ll be with you for a little bit more.” You added, texting them already.

“Alright, thanks. I’ll go get ready,” he said, grabbing some clothes as he headed to the door—where you were. “Wanna kill time and get coffee later? We still got a little over an hour before we pick Ike up.”

“Definitely.” You grinned. “Can I borrow a shirt, by the way? I forgot to bring some extra clothes. I only have pajamas. I’ll re-wear my pants.”

“Oh, sure, go ahead.” He nodded, already out of the room, but his back turned to seemingly tell you something. “By the way, you left your skirt last time you stayed here. Mom washed it, I’m pretty sure. It’s in my closet, separated from the rest of my clothes.”

“Ah, alright.” You nodded. “Thanks, Kyle.” 

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

You and Kyle were currently lined up in the coffee shop, Tweek Bros. Coffeehouse, actually. You were near the front of the line. Kyle, behind you, was scrolling through his phone as you patiently waited for your turn.

On the way, Kyle insisted it would be his treat—which you fought strongly against. You were embarrassed that he’d pay for something rather small like coffee. You were embarrassed whenever he’d offer to pay for anything at all. Or do anything for you, as a matter of fact. You gave up, though, and he said it was his thank you for accompanying him.

“Next!” Your schoolmate, Tweek, called out. You ushered yourself to the front of the line, Kyle right beside you as you two stood in the front.

“Oh, hello, YN, Kyle.” He greeted, flinching. You and Kyle returned a simple nod and waved to him. “What can I—Ack!—get you today?”

“I’ll have one flat white, and I think Kyle’s order is a cortado, but half the milk and replaced by almond milk instead.” You hummed, leaning closer to him to whisper something. “Lactose intolerant.” You murmured to Tweek, pointing at the boy beside you.

Leaning back, you looked at Kyle for his approval. “Am I correct?” 

“First of all, the whole world doesn’t need to know I’m lactose,” he breathed out, rolling his eyes. “Second of all, I’m surprised you know my order.” He chuckled, handing you the money.

Embarrassment crept up on your cheeks. Why did you know Kyle’s order? I mean, yeah you like him, and you’re also his best friend, but that really doesn’t mean anything! …Right?

“Duh, you’re my friend!” You replied, handing Tweek the money—after which you and Kyle walked around the cafe to find a seat.

“Do you know Wendy, Marj, or even Bebe’s order?” He raised a brow.

“Of course! It’s, uh,” you paused, trying to recall the order. “Joke. I don’t think I know.”

“Yeah? So you somehow know my order?”

“Well, it’s because I spend my time with you the most. I’m bound to know your order.” You said, motioning to a table with two free seats by the window. You two sat down.

“Uhuh,” he replied sarcastically. “And you haven’t been following me around when I get coffee in the morning—”

“—Before 7:30, so there’s still extra time.” You both said at the same time.

“Yeah, actually, I think the reason why I know your order is because you’ve said it a good few times for me to remember it as a part of your morning schedule.”

“That would make sense, but I don’t think I’ve ever told you my morning schedule.”

“What?”

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

A few days later, you’re in your bed. Not Kyle’s, but yours. The covers haven’t been changed in a while. You should probably get to that. However, the smell of sweet flowers in the spring, accompanied by an underlying muskiness to it, reminded you of Kyle. Mainly because that was the fragrance he wore pretty much all the time.

Playing pretend is fun sometimes.

It’s so annoying how everything reminded you of him, though. Every little thing was always connected back to him. No matter what it was. 

Oh, you wanna play some good ol’ tennis? Tennis is a sport, and Kyle plays basketball. You want to listen to rock? Well, actually, you just end up playing The Cure—Kyle’s favorite band. You’re going to the bakery to pick up some dessert? You immediately start to think of his mom’s wonderful Challah. Fuck.

Someone literally asked you out yesterday, and you denied it because you were saving a spot just in case Kyle would ask you out too. Maybe you should get back on them, though. Just so you could distract yourself from your current feelings. It wouldn’t hurt to try, right? Just as long as they don’t find out, you’ll be fine.

You grabbed your phone and scrolled through your contacts, checking for that one single name. Kenny McCormick.

Immediately, he picked up. “What’s up, pretty?”

“So, about that date—”

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

It’s been about a week since your initial date with Kenny, which was the very day you called him, and it’s been fun, to be honest. Sure, you were by no means into him at all—not by a long shot—but it’s fun to pretend.

How was Kenny doing with it? By the looks of it, he was having a blast. You sure hope he did. You really didn’t wanna let him down or hurt him cause he really is a sweetheart. He’d walk you to class, leave sappy notes in your locker, and give you wet kisses on the cheek between passing periods. All the sweet things couples would do in high school movies, he definitely did.

What about Kyle and your feelings for him, though? The feelings definitely did not go away, first of all. In fact, they amplified. Every single romantic gesture Kenny made, you imagined Kyle doing it instead. That’s kind of how you’ve been getting through this anyway.

When Kyle learned about you and Kenny going out, he was definitely shocked, to say the least. You couldn’t blame him, though. Kenny used to be one of his closest friends during elementary and middle school. They did part ways though once high school hit because of a whole bunch of things, but that’s not the point.

You spent less time with Kyle now. While that did make you a little sad, you tried convincing yourself that it was for the better. You’ll learn to get over Kyle and love Kenny. Right?

“YN!” Kyle called out from the end of the hallway, running towards you. He seemed like he had something urgent to tell you. “There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“You could just message me, you know?” You smiled, rocking back and forth on your heels.

“You never check your texts.” He pouted, crossing his arms.

“I mean, neither do you.”

“At least I answer calls!” He raised his hands.  “Anyways, it’s been a while since you came over. Mom misses you.” He sighed.

“Thanks?” You nodded your head, not quite sure what he meant by that.

“I’m saying that you should come over.” He laughed. “Hopefully tonight?”

You wanted to say yes. You believe that you were about to say yes. Promise. Kenny snuck up behind you and wrapped his arm around you, though, holding you near him.

“Hey, mamas.” He yawned, the smell of pot strong on him. Not that it was something you cared about too much, it was just really noticeable that moment. “Are you still up for tonight?”

You looked back at Kyle with guilt nipping at the back of your throat, giving him a sad smile. “Yeah, sorry, Kyle. Maybe next time?”

“That’s fine! I’ll tell them. Thanks.” You nodded in reply as he walked off, the rejection clearly obvious—to you, at least. You heard him leave a huff out in the middle of the hallway.

Shit. Maybe this was a bad idea.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Weeks passed, and you’re already broken up with Kenny. Honestly, neither of you took the breakup seriously. You were pretty sure Kenny knew he was going to be in a one-sided relationship with you. You were sure he knew how in love you were with Kyle.

You felt bad for the guy. You wished that you could’ve treated him better and that you could’ve been an actual proper girlfriend to him, but you were no better than that. Kyle’s the only person you know you can be right for.

Speaking of Kyle, what’s been going on between you two? Well, things worsened, actually. Ever since you got with Kenny, you two have been more distant than ever. Of course, this troubled you. I mean, Kyle’s been your anchor forever, but now you don’t have anyone anymore. You still had your other friends, but it didn’t feel the same without him.

Deep down, you felt like you were pushing him away, though—since it’d be easier to bury your feelings if he wasn’t looking.

You did this all to yourself. It was time to face the consequences of your actions. You had to come to the fact that you are really fucking stupid, especially considering how you still had a grave crush on Kyle after all this. Playing pretend can’t save you in a situation like this now.

You were about to start ignoring the whole world even further to drown yourself in your feelings, but you couldn’t. All because of some measly little message that popped up on your phone. You wanted to ignore it, but your gut was screaming at you not to.

It was Kyle who messaged you—woo. Were you thrilled at first? Not quite. You realized that he never texts you unless it’s urgent, especially nowadays. So, you opened the message.

Kyle Dude

You ?

Kyle Are you busy?? Can we talk?? Like irl

You Sure?? Where though?

Kyle My place rn No delays its important

You groaned, not wanting to deal with quite literally anything right now, but you guessed that it would be better to get it over with right now. Kyle seemed to make it out as an urgent matter anyway. You supposed that it was the least you could do after seemingly ghosting him for weeks now.

You tidied yourself a bit, making yourself at least a little bit more presentable. I mean, how embarrassing would it be if you went up to their house out of nowhere and then also looked like a mess? You’d rather be disowned by your family than cause shame as bad as that.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

As you made your way to the house, nervousness started to creep up your spine.

What was it Kyle even wanted to talk about? Did he find out about your feelings and the reason why you dated Kenny in the first place? What did and does he think of you now?

Maybe he’s just upset since you two haven’t been going out and stuff. Yeah, maybe that’s it. You’re all alright, and everything will be perfectly okay—

“YN! Oh, my, I’m so grateful you showed up.” Sheila’s voice chirped, catching you off guard. “Try letting me know when you’ll come here next time, though, okay? I don’t have anything prepared for you and Kyle–”

“Mom, I invited her here right now,” Kyle yelled out, his light footsteps down the stairs making themselves known. “Sorry, I didn’t tell you.” He sighed.

“Oh, that’s okay, booby.” She grinned, patting his head. “Are you two going to stay for long? Just so I know if I have to cook extra.”

“No, I don’t think so.” He answered before you could. “We’ll be quick, ma.” He returned the smile, pulling you by the arm and dragging you up the stairs and into his room.

The quiet in the room, once he shut the door, was unbearable, which was unfamiliar. Kyle’s room was always a safe space for you, but it seemed to have completely changed. It changed because of you.

“I missed you,” he mumbled, his back facing towards you as you stood right in front of the door, suffocating in the heavy air.

“I did too.” You sighed, words slipping out of your mouth faster than you could catch them.

“So why did you leave me?” 

“I didn’t mean to, Kyle. I just,” you paused, thinking of some made-up excuse. “Have a lot on my plate right now.”

“You could’ve told me what it was. I could’ve helped you out!” He turned, facing you now. You only caught it right now, but his eyes seemed a little puffy. Was this all because of you?

You exhaled, shaking your head as you laughed to yourself. “That’s the thing.”

“Huh?”

“It’s a problem you can’t fix.”

“Who says I can’t do so?” He raised a brow.

“I do.”

“And why?”

“Because the problem is that I like you.” You exhaustedly huffed out, shaking your head. “I needed a way out of my feelings, but it was hard to do that, so I instead ended up pushing you away and distracted myself by dating Kenny. I’m sorry.”

His mouth was ajar as you spoke. After that, he let a huff out, his turn shaking his head and laughing at you. “You’re so stupid.”

“What?”

“I like you a lot too.” He smiled, cupping your cheeks and lifting them, making you look at him.

Your gaze was averted elsewhere, though, in shame. “I’m sure you’re upset with me, though.”

“Yeah, I am.” He said with a frown you didn’t need to see to recognize. You could just hear it in his voice. “I think I can see why you did all that, though. I mean, it’s really fucking stupid, but I can’t completely blame you for it.”

“You think so?”

“I guess.” He hummed, pressing your foreheads together.

“So, what are we then?” You asked, now confused.

“I think I still need time to process everything,” he cooed, gently rocking your bodies back and forth to the tune of nothing. “Can we take this step by step? Work our way to wherever?”

“Yes, definitely.” You smiled, wrapping your arms over his shoulders as you swayed along with him. “As long as you’re with me. As long as we can go back to what we were before, if not more.”

“Yeah, for sure.” He gently stood still, stopping you as well. He leaned his head back, taking a look at you. “Thank you, YN.”

“Thank you, Kyle, for staying by me.” You sighed, bringing your eyes to his for once. “I, uh,” you paused, holding back the silly 'L' word you two would exchange a lot when you were younger. “Am grateful for you.”

Maybe it's best to not have pretended. Maybe you should just let whatever universe conspire against you two, it seems to know that you and Kyle would be despite everything.

[lixxen]

hello beloved mutual lixxen. im curious of about danny phantom! ive seen your reblogs of it, and i was wondering if you could explain the premise of it? bc my memory of it was a kids show from nickelodeon, but it seems super popular. is it still running??

anyways it seems kind of fun, im thinking of starting it

Welcome back to Lixx explaining hyperfixations!!

Danny Phantom is a children's cartoon from 2004 that has three seasons and a graphic novel (that came out last year) (the show has been done for twenty years)

It focuses on Daniel Fenton, who is a 14 year old who lives in a small town somewhere in the northern Midwest of the US (near Wisconsin but not in it). His parents are scientists/inventors who are obsessed with ghosts. They create a portal that should bring them to the Ghost Zone, a special realm that ghosts come from, but it doesn't work. Danny does inside of it and turns it on, which turns him into a Halfa. A Halfa is a half ghost, half human. He canonically dies twice in the show. I will not elaborate on how this kid just dies a few times.

The show follows Danny and his friends (and various classmates and reoccurring cast) as he learns how to use his powers and fight off ghosts along the way!

The cast includes:

His older sister Jazz, who is actually a really good big sister who cares a lot even if she's overbearing

Sam, his main love interest who is a Jewish goth girl and doesn't eat meat

His best friend Tucker, who is a techno nerd who loves meat

The A-Listers, who are the popular kids

Valerie, who is a love interest and enemy at certain points

His parents Maddie and Jack, who are overbearing and can be kinda crazy at times

Vlad, his not uncle who is fucking insane and a main bad guy. In love with Maddie

Plus various others!!

The fandom is very active and old. There are regular Tumblr/AO3 events that happen every year with a schedule and there is a steady fanon that has been built around the show that is basically canon (or supported by the canon). The creator, Butch Hartman, is a bigoted asshole who everyone hates.

The show is very fun and it is bingeable. It has a specific formula and is predictable at times. But also, it's very grim because you slowly realize that this 14 year old kid is literally carrying the weight of a realm on his shoulders and is living a double life where his parents basically want him dead and gone while loving his alive self

The fandom loves gore/whump.

I'm not kidding.

I have written a handful of gore fics for this show and tbh they're not even the worst things ever. If you've ever want to see some of the most jaw dropping whump and gore, this fandom has it.

We have fics that are literally the best written alternate universes and have nothing to do with the original show besides characters and death. Like. There's bound books of that specific fic. I haven't read it but it's long and it will make you sob

Some things that are lore building/fanon shit that everyone knows:

Ghost obsessions (you'll know it when you see it)

Ghost cores having specific effects on ghosts (it's canon but not really talked about in canon for more than two seconds)

Danny having allergic reactions to blood blossoms outside of his ghost form

Ghost speak being a ghost language all ghosts speak

Wes Weston and Kyle Weston being unnamed background characters that the fans took and made into full characters. It's actually cool as fuck. They're fully functioning characters and I love them

Death echoes/death days

I will warn that whatever feelings you have regarding to ships needs to be kicked to the side. All things go for ships here. Don't like the ship/don't condone it, don't interact with ir. You will waste your breath trying to play police over ship

Ships also have names. Platonic AND romantic ships. Here's some I can name off the top of my head:

Pitch pearl: Danny/Phantom (Danny gets split into a ghost and human form at one point)

Amethyst ocean: Danny/Sam

Savant Par: Danny/Tucker

Everlasting trio: Danny/Tucker/Sam

Badger cereal: Danny & Vlad (I think????)

Swagger Bishie/Golden Twinkie: dash/Danny

Pink astronaut: Danny/Paulina

Gray Ghost: Danny/Valerie

So yeah lol

This is my most read fic I think. I am gonna start writing again for DP soon. I love reading them

(here's my AO3 fic tags from my bookmarks for DP)

[goodtweetbadtweet]

I had actual plans to write a sequel to love at first bite

like, I have an outline mapped out

is it good? no. does anything actually happen? not really. is it a rom-com? ehhhh.

like, I was actually going to explore themes of motherhood and fatherhood, the process of losing yourself and adapting to something you can never really be ready for, the whole whirlwind romance thing that turned serious too quick and the challenges that come from that, the difficulty of trying to be a family man when you’re fucked up and have no concept of what that actually means

and I might never have time to write it which makes me sad

sequels are never that good but like .. I miss pasta girl™️ and freak with a personal blood bank™️

also, a few months ago I was half-awake when I had a half-baked idea for a horror/psychological thriller alternate universe spin-off that I’ll absolutely never write but at the time it seemed like the best idea ever

because at the end of lafb, we learn that Lukas will help Franny find a summer internship and so I thought what if she gets sexually harassed by some frat boy turned tech douche, who likes to abuse his power over helpless interns, and she gets away or talks herself out of the situation before it turns into full assault, but she’s obviously freaked and can’t continue with the internship

and she can’t tell Gia, because Gia has high blood pressure because she’s pregnant and it’s a super stressful situation, and she can’t tell her parents because somehow it seems embarrassing to be in that situation, and there are other young women who warn her against telling anyone because they’ve profited off the situation

so she tells Lukas, who gets her another internship obviously, and she begs him not to tell anyone, but it keeps eating away at her and ..

well, long story short, Lukas kills the dude and half a dozen more like him while his pregnant wife (yes, wife) paints little ducks on the walls of their nursery

so anyway, I’m not dead

[medusapelagia]

The restless sea calls back to you - Harringrove Mermaid AU [NSFW]

I'm super in love with this fic and I want to clarify that it's super self-indulgent! I love it because it all started with this beautiful picture, and I love it because that's how I became friend with @lemonhitsu and I had a great time plotting with them and I am very grateful to them for allowing me to use their art as inspiration and for trusting me even if the first story I was writing was not good enough and I had to start back from scratches.😅 I want to thank Lemon for the fun and the incredible support! Nothing of this could have been possible without you! Thank you so much for being so kind and supportive and holding my hand when I was feeling low! 💜 And a special thanks to @applewillowstone and @spaceofentropy for helping me doing some research about monster sex!

That said, I wish everyone a happy holiday season and I am sharing with you this fic which is the present I made for myself and I hope you will like it! Please mind the tags!

Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Merpeople, Merperson Billy Hargrove, mermaid trainer Neil Hargrove, Aquariums, Violence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Sex Change, mermaid trainer Steve Harrington, Murder, Murder Mystery, mention of past Non con with original character, Anal Sex, Human/Monster Romance, Eventual Smut, Blow Jobs, Blood and Injury, Sex, Slow Burn, They/them prononun, Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Angst, Angst and Feels, Enemies to Lovers, Monster sex, Switch Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington Has Bad Parents, POV Steve Harrington, No Beta Read

And because AO3 is not working... get ready for 15k words under the cut!

Steve sighs as soon as his alarm goes off.

He has been working at the Birch Aquarium for a couple of weeks and all his enthusiasm has already died.

He was so happy when they called him back to take the place of the actual mermaid trainer, but two weeks of working with Billy were enough to make him regret his choice.

The blond merman is the biggest pain in the ass ever. He never does what the trainer requests of him and is always glaring and hissing at Steve like a feral cat. The boy has learned on his skin that there is a reason why everyone tells you to not go near an angry mermaid without wearing protection.

Mermaids are rare but not uncommon, the biggest aquariums in the world have at least one, and Steve’s aquarium was so lucky to have a baby mermaid that now became a beautiful merboy.

Steve remembers the day he decided he was going to become a trainer. It was the day his parents brought him to see the baby mermaid that was the main attraction of the aquarium. If he closes his eyes he can still see the little mermaid hiding behind some big black rocks, his little red tail barely visible between the rocks.

A kid punched the glass, trying to get the attention of the little mermaid and Steve saw for a moment a pair of ocean blue eyes big and terrified, and from that day on, every time his parents left him with a new babysitter he asked to go to the aquarium until finally, one day, when Steve and the babysitter were the only visitors of the aquarium, he caught a glimpse of the little merboy. They stared at each other through the glass for a long moment and then a man called a name and dragged the merboy away with a big fishnet. Steve turned toward his babysitter, Angela, and asked her who that man was and she told him that he was the mermaid's trainer.

“So he plays with mermaids all day?”

“It’s a job, Steve, I don’t think that he plays a lot, but yes, he spends his time with the mermaids.”

Now that he is changing in the locker room, Steve is regretting for the umpteenth time having been so adamant about wanting to become a trainer. He sighs. He can’t quit. His father told him really clearly that if he is not able to keep the job he will cut him out once and for all.

Fuck.

He wears the diving suit and gets into the swimming pool where Neil is already waiting for him.

“Go catch him.” He tells him, throwing him a spiked collar. Steve looks at the object with disgust.

“Still too naive, new boy? That monster could kill you in more ways than you think and he is not cooperative, you should know that by now.”

Steve nods, he has a red cut on his forearm that the merboy gave him on his first day, so now he wears the protection every time he has to get to Billy’s tank.

The merboy is brushing his blond curls with his long fingers while resting on a rock, half of his big red tail still in the water.

“Still here, pretty boy? Didn’t I scare you enough?”

“It’s just a scratch.”

Billy smirks “No, it is not, but I appreciate that you came here to bring me lunch. Be so kind and bring it to me.”

Steve knows better than to lean toward the water so close to the merboy so he throws him a couple of fish.

“So stupid. How do you think you can convince me to put on your collar if you already gave me the food?” Billy asks, reaching for the fish that is floating on the surface and tearing a big chunk.

“Asking you kindly?”

Billy bursts out in a laugh “You are funny, I’ll give you that.” The merboy replies, resting on a big rock “Not smart, but funny.”

“Come on, the pool is bigger than your tank and you need to swim more freely or your tail could atrophy.”

“Oh, so that’s it. You are worried for me. No other motives, right?”

Steve sighs “You know that the aquarium is not doing too well, they want to use you as an attraction to sell more tickets, is that a bad thing? I mean, they are still the ones that pay for your food, and your tank, and that make sure that you are healthy and…”

“How kind of them, isn't it? The owners of the aquarium care about my wellbeing so I should repay them by doing some stupid tricks in front of an audience? No, thanks.” The blond merboy replies disgusted.

“A lot of mermaids do stupid tricks in aquariums and they have fun! Maybe you will have fun too?”

“Have you ever been in a tank, Harrington?” The merboy asks, glaring at him.

The boy sighs “You know I have.”

“I’m not talking about giving a walk in the tanks to clean something or sedate some big fish, I’m talking about living in captivity. What do you call it… Oh yes! Living in prison! And be grateful to your captors because they feed you and make sure you are healthy.” Billy glares at him and Steve blushes.

“I know that is not the most perfect place to be but it’s not too bad, you should admit it.”

Some smugglers kidnap mermaids to sell them as expensive pets to rich assholes and only god knows what they do with those poor creatures.

“Have you ever spent a day with Neil? He is no fun either.” The sea creature retorts.

Steve shouldn’t talk badly about his supervisor, but everyone knows that Hargrove has a very impetuous nature and sometimes he gets violent even toward the animals, but especially toward Billy.

“You should try to do what he asks from you for once, maybe he will stop hurting you.” Steve tries to suggest.

Hargrove is no fool, he hits the merboy when no one can see him and he makes sure not to leave any bruises behind.

“Thank you for your kind advice, Harrington, I’m sure everything will be so much better now that you told me exactly how to act when I have to deal with a fucking psychopath!”

“He is not…” but Steve doesn’t have time to finish the sentence that Hargrove is back in the tank.

“What the hell are you doing? It’s not tea time! Get the stupid collar around his neck and come back to the pool. Where is the fish?”

Billy grins, licking his lips “It was delicious, Neil. Thanks.”

“You gave him the fish? Are you fucking stupid, Harrington?! How the fuck do you think to get him off that stupid rock?” The man asks, pinching his nose.

“With some persuasion?”

“This!” Hargrove yells, showing the collar “This is the kind of persuasion that Billy understands and now it’s too far from the shore so you get into the tank and drag him to the pool or I’ll make sure you get fired!” And to clarify the concept he grabs Steve and pushes him into the water without the scuba cylinders or the regulators.

Steve was co-captain of the swimming team but he knows too well that Billy could drag him down and drown him if he wanted to, that’s why every time he gets into the water he makes sure to have the scuba cylinders with him, but now it’s too late, he has his back turned and he knows that the merboy is going to attack him. He tries to regulate his breath and to feel the water break as the merboy reemerges.

As he was expecting the merboy tries to drag him down, but Steve has the lucidity to close the collar against Billy’s throat and yank it hard against the gills the merboy has hidden on his neck.

The sea creature shrieks and releases his grip, freeing Steve who resurfaces and gets back on shore coughing.

“Good job, Harrington. Next time try not to lose all this time.” Hargrove states “I’ll wait for you in the swimming pool.”

Steve takes some deep breaths while the merboy resurfaces glaring at him.

“Come on, Billy. Don’t make me activate it, I know that is already bad as it is.” Steve begs him, showing him the passage from the tank toward the swimming pool, and Billy gets in the pool, always hissing toward him.

Steve takes a look at his clock. Half past nine and he already barely escaped death. Not bad. It could be his new record.

***

When the training ends Steve brings Billy back to his tank. The merboy is tired and he has red bruises where Neil hurt him.

“You ok?” It’s a stupid question, Steve knows that, but he can’t avoid it.

“Are you worried about me, Harrington? How sweet.” The merboy replies, licking his sharp teeth “Maybe next time you’ll get into my tank I’ll keep you.”

“Fuck you, Billy!”

“Are you proposing, pretty boy?”

It’s just their usual bickering but Steve can feel that his cheeks are blushing.

“Oh, so you do have a crush on me. That makes so much sense: that’s why you are obsessed with me. Don’t worry, pretty boy, I’m not going to fuck you… at least not as you are thinking, but I’ll keep fucking with you because it’s the funniest thing that I can do in this stupid place.” Billy replies and then he gets underwater, while Steve stares at his big red tale covered in shimmering scales.

“He has an attitude, I’ll give him that.” Hargrove says appearing from nowhere “But stay away from him. He is still a mermaid and even if he hasn’t had the time to learn the songs from other mermaids he is still capable of convincing you to kill yourself in his tank. It would not be the first time.”

Steve stares at the old man “Did he… Did he kill someone? For real?”

The man nods, walking Steve toward the lockers “You are too young to remember, but there was another girl who trained with me years ago, pretty thing, red hair, sweet smile, the name was Susan. She was even more innocent than you are, she treated him like a kid, not like the monster he is, and one day when I got to the tank to feed him, he was underwater, holding Susan’s body into his arms.

Billy attacked me when I tried to take the dead body from his arms, and the authorities had him sedated and they were ready to put him down, but there was a petition against it and he was still the biggest attraction of the aquarium, so, in the end, they decided to keep him but they moved him to the tank where he is now, in a more secluded area and where no one else could get in a part from me and you, so pay attention if you don’t get killed during your first month of training.”

They are changing together for the first time and Steve sees many claws scars on Neil’s body “Did he…”

“Mermaids are like that. You have to pay attention every single second.” The man gets up “Listen, boy, I know that you don't like my way of training him, but you have to understand that he is not a pretty pet, he is a ferocious monster and our luck is that he was taken from his family too young so he doesn’t really know what he can do and how easy would be for him kill everyone.” Hargrove closes his bag “I don’t pretend that you agree with my method, but I want you to be conscious that he is a menace and you are the only person that stays between him and the visitors. Think about yourself like a sort of paladin. That’s what I do.” They are looking each other in the eyes when Neil asks him “Wouldn’t you do what you can to protect the people you care for?” And then he leaves Steve alone with even more questions.

***

The conversation he had with Neil opened his eyes: the old man is right, the mermaids are dangerous and he was a fool thinking that with some kindness and some fish he could have convinced Billy to do what he wanted.

“Raise and shine, Billy. Are you ready to jump throught some hoops today?” Steve enters the tank but Billy is not on his favorite rock. He looks around and he can’t see him. The merboy is too big to hide in the tank, but from the surface, Steve can’t see where he is hiding, so he takes his equipment and, with a sigh, he gets into the water.

The water is full of colorful fish that quickly swim away as soon as the boy gets closer, he swims toward the rocks when something shining attracts his attention, mermaids are famous for having a passion for shiny things. Steve gets closer to the big rock, the same where the little mermaid used to hide, and reaches out for the shiny thing when he sees it, the big red tail.

In a moment Billy is in front of him, yelling with a voice that has no words but that gets directly into Steve’s mind even if they are in the water.

Steve shakes his head, ripping off his mask and his scuba regulator, trying to free himself from Billy’s tight grip screaming in his head, then he opens his mouth to breathe. Underwater.

***

“Boy? Are you with me? Harrington?”

Steve coughs, holding for dear life to the person who is speaking to him.

“Harrington? Steve?” The voice calls him again, urging an answer.

Steve pukes some water “Fine. I’m fine.”

The man’s grip relaxes while Steve tries to take some deep breaths.

“What happened?”

“You told me! I saw in the security monitor that you got in the tank, next thing I know that monster was holding you underwater and you were drowning.”

“Billy… where is Billy?”

“Oh, he is lucky if they don’t decide to sell him even sooner.” Hargrove hisses.

“Se… Sell him?” Steve asks, still coughing.

“You must have seen that he is no good with little tricks and his care it’s expensive, the owners of the aquari will sell him sooner than later, but after he tried to kill another trainer I don’t think any other aquarium will be willing to buy him.”

“He didn’t try to drown me.” Steve tries to protest and Hargrove looks at him with pity.

“He messed with your head. Didn’t he?” The man looks at the pool “I knew it! They should have cut his vocal cords when I suggested it but no, animal rights activists said that it was too cruel. Cruel. Wasn’t it cruel to let him drown Susan? Or you?”

Steve shakes his head, trying to concentrate even if he is too confused at the moment. Did Billy try to kill him? He can’t remember what happened, just that he saw something shining on the floor of the tank, something that didn’t belong to the aquarium.

“Come with me, I’ll drive you to the hospital.” Neil says, helping the boy stand up.

“I’m ok… I don’t need to go to the hospital.”

The old man stares at Steve, then he helps him back to the lockers “Take a hot shower and change back, you and I are going to have a little chat.”

Steve nods, confused, it’s the first time that he sees Neil worried. Did Billy really try to kill him?

Steve knows that some mermaids have the ability to use their voice to manipulate fish, it’s how they hunt: some of them sing to the fish and the others capture them, but he never knew that they could do something to humans’ minds. And how does Neil know it? He has indeed been a trainer for years but if the mermaids were able to manipulate people someone would have said something, right?

The hot water helps him relax and when he gets back to Neil, all this terrible adventure seems just a bad dream.

"Sit down." Neil says, holding a cup of tea, and Steve sits in front of him.

"A few years ago there was a lovely girl who wanted to be a mermaid trainer like me. Her name was Susan. Susan was a dreamer, just like you, she didn't like to use the collar, just like you, and she was convinced that mermaids needed better care than the one we were providing.

Billy was just a baby fish at the time and I guessed she thought about him like a baby, but not like a baby monster. You see, all mermaids are dangerous, but some of them are more dangerous than others."

"What does it mean?"

Neil sighs, sipping some coffee "It means that some of them can emit some frequency that can drive you crazy, convincing you to do things you would never do in your right mind. And our boy, well he is one of those."

"How do you know it?"

Neil raises his elbow and replies "I always suspected it. Billy used to play with the fish and the water horses in his tank but he was clever, he only did it by night. Fish don't really sleep, you know? And so do mermaids. But one night I caught him playing with the fish. They were making shapes for him, not the classic shape of a school of fish, the kind he was asking them to do, and I swear to god that I heard him giggle."

Steve closes his eyes, concentrating on the hot cup between his hands. He knows exactly what Neil is talking about. He saw those shapes. Or even worse, he showed those shapes to Billy on one of those days when he and his babysitter were the only people in the aquarium and the girl was too busy chatting on his phone. And Billy made a square of fish for him.

How could he forget that?

"Well, making shapes with fish doesn't sound so dangerous."

"Yeah. Until he doesn't decide that he is tired of making squares and circles and he decides to attack you with some sharks." Neil lifts his eyes to meet Steve's "That's what happened to Susan. He convinced her to get into the tank and the shark attacked her. When we were able to recover the body the merboy was holding it so tight that there were little red punctures made from his claws in her skin."

Steve gulps, trying to keep his heart beating under control "What happened?"

"The coroner said that she fell into the tank and drowned before the sharks attacked her, but I think that he ordered her to jump into the tank and then he kept her there until she was out of breath, then he tried to cover his tracks by ordering the sharks to eat her."

"What about the security cameras?"

Neil smirks "There was a big storm that night. The security cameras were off." Neil gets up "Finish your tea and go home."

"But we still have training..."

"After what I saw I don't think they are going to keep him for long. If you really want to be a mermaid trainer, is it better if you apply to another aquarium." the man replies, leaving Steve alone in the relax area with the quiet hum of the refrigerator in the background.

***

Having the day suddenly free, Steve goes to the local library to do some research. He could go back home but he doesn't want to see her mother's disappointed look when she will ask him why he is at home so soon.

He was her perfect little boy until he started to attend high school and started to party every weekend.

It is not his fault if his parents were always away on some business trip and he hated being home alone! That's how he started drinking and smoking and his grades got worse and worse.

His mother decided to come back after the night he almost fall into an alcohol-induced coma and ended up on the first page of the local newspaper, fucking up his image as the perfect golden boy and definitely fucking up the future his parents were dreaming for him.

Steve hasn't drunk a single drop of alcohol since then, but that doesn't mean that his mother stopped to smell his breath every single time he doesn't respect the schedule so, no thanks, public library it is.

He gets to one of the old computers that has nothing to do with his Mac, he even searches for some link from his smartphone and then he copies the link on the computer to read it more easily.

The first information he looks for is about Neil Hargrove.

His Facebook page has very little information about him, on his profile picture Neil is holding a rifle, he is fifty-nine, if the birth date is correct, and ex-marine with a penchant for weapons.

The profile picture is an old one, as Steve sees as he enlarges the images, he is smiling, standing next to a bullseye, with a cigarette on the side of his mouth while holding a big rifle.

Steve searches for more information and finds a little blurb about his departed wife and how he left the marine and became a mermaid trainer to stay close to her when she got sick.

Perfect husband and perfect citizen, or so it seems. He even rescued his old neighbor from the fire.

A hero, practically.

Then Steve starts to look for Susan.

Even if he doesn't know her surname it's easy to find her given the information he has: Susan Mayfair, twenty-five, a degree in marine biology and a passion for mermaids, deceased after being attacked by sharks while cleaning their tank.

Not exactly what Neil said.

Steve looks for more information and finds an old Instagram page still open. All the pictures are old, and the latest are some selfies she took at the aquarium. There are some old penguin tanks that after the renovations have been moved to another section of the aquarium, and there are a lot of Billy's pictures.

He looks like a human kid, he couldn't be older than ten, maximum twelve, they are playing in the water, Susan is winking behind her mask and Billy's red tail emerges from the water.

In another Susan's hand is holding what looks like an aluminum can tab, the caption says "My prince gave me an engagement ring".

Steve snorts, who the hell would give an aluminum can tab to a twenty-five-year-old girl as an engagement ring? He keeps looking at the pictures and the answer gets too easy: a kid would. Or, to be more precise, a merkid.

Steve keeps looking at the pictures, trying to find any evidence, any sign that Billy is the monster Neil talked about, but all he can see is a happy little fish, playing with the person who took care of him.

He is still looking through the picture when something gets his attention. Something shining in the background, something that he had seen before but didn't understand what it was.

A dog tag.

A military dog tag.

***

This is the worst idea Steve has ever had, even worse than the time he and Tommy decided to jump from Steve’s window into the pool and almost kill themselves in the making.

Steve has a badge that allows him entrance to the aquarium at any time and he knows the night guard, all he has to do is tell Jim that he forgot something in the lockers, and he will not ask any questions, maybe he will mumble something about how he should pay more attention, but he will not stop him, not until it will be too late.

Steve passes his badge and the backdoor of the aquarium opens with a slam that in the silence of the night reverberates like a gunshot.

“Who's there?” The chubby guard asks, walking toward the door with the hand ready over his gun and a frosted donut in the other hand.

“Jim. Hi. I’m Steve. Sorry to bother but I forgot my… my wallet in the locker.” He says, trying to remain calm under the sight of the armed guard.

“Your wallet uh?”

“Yeah. You know… I’m so messy sometimes.”

The man gets closer “So you forgot your wallet. Here.”

Steve shivers for a moment when he repeats “Yeah. My wallet.”

The man is so close that he can smell coffee in his breath.

“I see. Do you want me to get it for you?”

Shit! He didn’t think about that! What now?

“No. It’s fine, I can get it.”

“Are you sure? I know you had a hard day.”

“A hard day?” Steve asks, confused.

“Neil told me about the mermaid. It’s a little piece of shit that one: he keeps turning the camera in his tank so I can’t see shit! But if he thinks I’m going to get inside and let him fucking kill me he is fucking wrong! I’m not going to get close to that monster!”

“He is… he is not a monster.” Steve tries to protest but his voice sounds unsure even to his own ears.

“Are you sure you are ok? It’s not the… mermaid thing? Neil said that they can convince you to do what they want… Oh god. Are you under a spell?”

Steve quickly shakes his head “No, no spell, just a little bit shocked to be honest, but I need my home keys.”

Jim glares at him “I thought you were looking for your wallet.”

Shit!

“Yeah! I’m looking for my wallet because I have the electronic key that opens my house in my wallet, but I call it my home key, you know?”

The man raises an eyebrow “Fancy rich shit, uh?”

“Obviously.” Steve replies with a smile so fake that his cheeks hurt.

The man stares at him for a moment and then he tilts his head “Go, but be quick. I don’t want any problems.”

Steve nods and rushes toward the locker room, he knows that there are no cameras either in the locker room or in the passages behind the tank with access limited to the dedicated staff, when they have to move from one tank to the other, and if Billy’s camera is not working he has at least twenty minutes: not enough time to change and to take all his equipment but Steve was always the best one at free diving. He wears the wet suit and runs toward Billy’s tank, hoping that the mermaid is asleep somewhere.

Mermaids never really sleep, not like humans in any case, they just rest, so Steve really hopes that he is lucky enough that Billy is resting and not ready to attack him.

When he gets into the tank he looks toward the rocks where the merboy usually rests but doesn’t see him anywhere. He takes a few deep breaths, trying to expand his lungs to their maximum; he hasn’t weight around his waist but it’s not too deep, he should be able to get to the floor easily enough, and if he is lucky he will manage to get behind the little rock without disturbing Billy.

Steve dives in, his sight concentrated on the tank floor and on the little rock he saw that morning. He knows that Billy is there somewhere and that he probably felt the water vibration when he dived in but he really hopes that he will be quicker than him.

All Steve’s hope crashes when he sees the merboy swimming rapidly toward him screaming something in the water but Steve has come too far to stop now, he reaches out his hand and catches the shiny thing, military dog tag, and turns it to see the name of the owner, but Billy is screaming pushing Steve against the glass wall.

Steve screams something back, the stupidest idea ever, he realizes when he sees the bubble of air running toward the surface, fuck. He will drown. He has no time to get to the surface. He tries to swim toward the surface, his hands reaching up, but Billy is holding him and he can’t reach it. The boy lowers his eyes and Billy is in front of him, his blond curls waving in the water, so beautiful and so deadly.

But especially beautiful.

Steve is going to die so he finally does it: he slips his fingers in Billy’s golden locks, and now that they are so close he can see that Billy’s eyes aren’t blue. They have golden flakes near the pupil that he has never noticed before.

Billy’s eyes are the last thing that he will ever see and they are so fucking beautiful.

He is still lost in these thoughts when Billy pushes him against the glass wall so hard that he whimpers and in a moment Billy’s mouth is on his, kissing him. No. Not kissing him. Breathing into him!

Steve’s eyes widen, the mermaid is pushing air into his lungs, and then he takes him under his arm and drags him toward the surface.

“What the fuck Harrington! If you want to die go jump from a fucking bridge, don’t come to my tank!” The merboy complains, irritated.

Steve stares at him, touching his lips incredulously.

“You kissed me.”

“It’s not a kiss if you are almost dying. And I’m tired of saving your stupid life.” Billy replies looking at him with flaming eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“This morning? When you removed your regulator? Does it ring a bell?”

“I… I didn’t…”

“Oh, you fucking did. And you breathe water in, stupid moron, I had to push on your stupid chest and breathe air in your lungs. And you are back here, trying to kill yourself!” The merboy rebukes “Don’t you have a life? A girlfriend waiting for you somewhere?”

Steve shakes his head, then he asks “You gave me CPR? How do you…”

“Someone taught me.” The sea creature replies “She thought that I could have helped people one day. Be a lifeguard or something like that.”

“Susan?”

Billy turns his head for a moment, biting his lips as he was fighting with himself, before he hisses “Can you tell me what the fuck do you want from me? Do you want to prove that I am a monster? Is that it? I could have killed you!”

“I know.”

“So why the fuck are you here! And with no oxygen!”

“I didn’t have the time and I wanted to check on something.” Steve tries to explain.

“What?”

Steve opens his fist and shows him the metal tag in his hands.

“That’s mine! Give it back!”

“Can I read the name of the person who owned it?”

“What?”

“It’s a military dog tag.” Steve tells him “It’s a kind of microchip, like the one the dolphins have. They gave this to the people that were fighting in case… in case they die, so that someone could have brought it back to the family.”

“A name? This thing has a name on it?”

Steve nods and the mermaid uses his webbed hands to turn it but then looks at Steve ashamed “I can’t… I can’t read.”

Stupid Steve, Billy has spent all his life in a tank. How do you pretend he could read?!

“I could read it for you.”

“My mum gave it to me when I was a baby fish.” The blond merboy tells him, holding the tag so tight that his knuckles whiten “She said… she said it was my father’s…”

Steve stares at the merboy astonished “You mean… you mean that your father was human?”

Billy nods “That’s what mum said.”

“Where is she? Where is your mother?” Steve asks, getting closer.

“I don’t know. I was just a baby fish when they brought me away from her. That’s all I have.”

“You can hold it, I just need to turn it and read the name under the tag. Will you let me?”

Billy shivers, Steve has never seen him so nervous, he is usually sassy and sarcastic.

Steve gently pries Billy’s hand open and then turns the tag, gasping at the name.

***

The chestnut boy definitely doesn’t have the time to take a shower, so he changes back and runs toward the exit, hoping that Jim will be too busy looking at the last episode of his favorite series to check on him.

“Thanks, Jim! You saved me! Have a good night!” Steve says, while he keeps running toward the door.

“Hey, Steve, everything ok?” The guard asks him but Steve is almost at the door.

“Great! Have a nice night!” He tells him before closing the door behind him and taking a big breath of relief.

He can’t believe what happened: he got into the tank, Billy saved his life, apparently for the second time, and… they kissed. No, not kissed, he was just breathing air into his lungs, Steve repeats to himself trying to slow down his beating heart.

And that’s not even the most crazy thing.

The craziest thing is that Billy is half-human, like literary half-human, like… he has a human father. A father whose name is written on a metal tag that the merboy hid for years. A name that makes absolutely no sense, because if there is someone who seems to hate mermaids it is that man.

Steve gets home and gets in the shower, feeling the wet sensation of Billy’s plump lips on his. He shakes his head like a dog and a million tiny drops fly everywhere.

It wasn’t a kiss! It was a life-saving maneuver. And that’s not even the point! The point it’s that the name on that stupid tag is the one he suspected, but now that he knows that it’s Billy’s father's name he can’t believe that he was right.

He gets out of the shower and, still dripping water, gets to his computer, searching for every article about the aquarium, Billy, Susan, Neil, Jim, every person that he knows has worked at the aquarium, and he finally finds a very tiny article about Billy’s birth.

“Blue Ribbon at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Nerea, a young little mermaid with beautiful blond hair, has given birth to a very healthy baby merboy. His name, William, was chosen by the visitors of the aquarium, but the staff of the aquarium affectionately calls him Billy.”

Nerea, the young blond mermaid, is looking with terror at the man who is holding her child in the picture.

And that man, it’s Neil Hargrove.

Steve searches for other information about Neil and quickly finds out that his wife's death and Billy’s birth are suspiciously close to one another and that the men left the aquarium when the veterinarians decided that the merboy was old enough to be sold to another aquarium.

Nerea, the young mermaid, died of sorrow a few weeks later.

Steve keeps searching on every website but there is no info about Billy or Neil after that, only a few news about Susan and her premature death, which was labeled as an incident.

Steve goes back to Susan’s Instagram page, searching for every image with the dog tag; there are just a few, in one of them the caption says “My little prince brought me to see his sacred treasure.”

Could Susan have known about Neil?

But how could she? No one knew that Billy was the son of a human and a mermaid.

Unless.

Unless Billy told her like he told Steve.

Holy fucking shit!

Steve looks at the clock, it is far too early and he knows he will not sleep, but he tries his best to rest a little, tomorrow will be a very interesting day.

***

When he enters the locker room Neil is already dressed in a wetsuit “Are you ready to go? Yesterday was a difficult day, I get it if you don’t want to train with him, especially now that you know that he is going to be sold.”

“And why is that? He seems like a unique specimen.” Steve says, feeling disgust for himself but trying to hide it.

“Because he is a monster, maybe?” The man replies sarcastically “Or because he is too stupid and stubborn to be trained? He is good looking but he definitely has no brain.”

Steve nods, wearing his wetsuit.

“You know, I read some articles about Billy last night. He was born at the Monterey Bay Aquarium, did you know that?” 

“Yes.” Hargrove replies.

“His mother died of sorrow when they took away her kid.”

“She probably got some infections during childbirth, they are like animals, Steve, they have no feelings.” Neil insists and Steve does his best to hide his repugnance.

“You worked there too, didn’t you?” The boy tries to make it sound like a casual question but, from the way Neil stiffens, Steve knows that he got the point just right.

“Are you implying something, kid?”

“No. Why should I? I just wanted to ask you how she was. If you were able to train her, maybe you can train Billy too.”

“Billy can’t be trained, I already told you. I tried everything. I tried to be kind, I tried to give him prizes, I tried to hurt him, he is indomitable.” The man growls.

Steve nods but he doesn’t think that it’s a bad thing because that’s exactly what Billy is: he is the biggest and scariest wave of the ocean, the one that can destroy an entire town, but that gives you so much adrenaline if you ride her.

Indomitable.

Sounds like a nice nickname, doesn’t it?

“That’s a pity. As we said, he is a beautiful specimen.”

Neil nods “There are places for creatures like him. Maybe they’ll find a way of making him more cooperative.”

Did Neil say the same to Susan?

Did they fight over Billy’s future?

Steve has no proof but he feels that Neil knows more about Susan's death than he is willing to tell him.

“Come on. No fish this time when you collar him. Show him who is the master.”

“Don't you think he will try to use his scary voice powers?”

“Only if you let him. That’s why we have the spiked collar. If he tries something you can activate it.”

“And what did Susan think about it?”

Neil glares at him “Why?”

“I don’t know. She seemed like a nice girl.”

“You have done an awful amount of research, Steve, I’m impressed. Are you studying for something in particular?” The man asks, glaring at him.

Steve keeps smiling innocently “I would like to find a new way to make the mermaids cooperate without hurting them.”

“That’s a nice idea but it’s not possible. How many times do I have to tell you that they are not like us? They are monsters. Free him somewhere and he will feed himself with human meat.”

Steve follows Neil toward the training pool, then he gets back in the tank where Billy is resting.

“No fish today, pretty boy? Are you offering yourself to be my lunch?”

“Nah, just wondering if you were in the mood for a little swim in the big pool.”

“I hate that fucking pool. And I hate that fucking man.” Billy’s eyes shine gold for a moment.

“Billy…”

“What?”

“Don’t do it.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“He has the collar. He will mute you and he will hit you.”

“Not if I hurt him first.”

“And then what? If you kill your trainer someone will put you down because you are too dangerous, do you understand that?!” Steve hisses, trying to resonate with the sea creature.

“Why the fuck do you care?” Billy growls.

Because I like you. Because I liked you since the first time I saw your little red tail waving in the water and your blue eyes pinned on me.

“Because you are a living creature and…”

“Go fuck your self Harrington!” Billy yells and then goes underwater.

Steve sighs, he shouldn’t have told Billy which name was written under the metal plate.

“Harrington! Where the fuck is my merboy?”

“He is tired. Can we try again tomorrow?”

“You are too soft, Harrington, you will never get him to do what you want!” The man yells and then he gets back to the tank where Billy is hiding “Get out of there! Stupid fish!” He yells again toward the water.

Steve understands what’s going to happen just a moment before it does.

Billy gets out of the water so fast that all that Steve sees is a blur of the red silhouette dragging the old trainer down with him.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Billy! Don’t!” He screams, before diving in the water too.

Neil is trying to escape from Billy’s tight grip but Steve knows how strong the marine creature is, there is no chance that he will free himself without the spiked collar.

Steve swims closer to them trying to free the man but Billy’s screams in his mind.

Back off.

And Steve does, unable to resist the command in that voice.

He sees Neil stopping to struggle and finally stiffens, while Billy releases his hold on the man and gets closer to the boy.

Did you like kissing me so much?

The voice sings and then Billy’s lips are on Steve’s, breathing into him and dragging him toward the surface.

It takes a moment for Steve to come back to himself this time.

“How… how did you do it?”

“I sang.” He simply states, keeping Steve lying on his body while he lazily swims in his tank.

“Neil. You killed him.”

“I did.”

“They are going to put you down. You know that, right?”

Billy nods “I know, but when you told me the name I couldn’t… I couldn't resist anymore.”

“Resist?”

Billy nods “My mum. She said she didn’t want it, but he kept abusing her during her training, tiring her out so much that she wasn’t able to fight back. She always wore the collar, speaking was hard for her, but she told me what I needed to know, that I didn’t have to trust humans, and that I should take revenge for her. And I did.”

“I don’t want you to die.” Steve whispers.

“I know.”

“How do you know?”

“You are the only kid that came every fucking day for weeks. You are the one who showed me shapes. You are the one that promised me freedom. You are the one that lied to me.” Billy glares at him.

“I didn’t lie. I was just six. How could I have freed you?”

“I guess, maybe you didn’t lie. Maybe you finally freed me. Today.”

No, no, no, that’s not how he wanted things to go.

“I don’t want you to die.” Steve repeats feeling tears in his eyes.

“I don’t think there are other options, pretty boy.”

Steve is still lying on Billy’s stomach when he sees it, the sewage canal. Not the cleanest way to escape but…

He points at the grate “I guess you are strong enough to pull it.”

Billy sighs “I’m strong enough, but I have webbed hands, did you forget that?”

“Use me. I mean, use my hands, I’ll grab it and you will pull.”

“I will hurt you.”

“I will not let you die, Billy, so help me or I’ll do it myself.”

They swim toward the sewage canal and Steve grabs the grate with all his strength before Billy grabs his arms and pulls so hard that the grate cedes.

They hear the sounds of steps.

“You can still say that I made you do it. That it was my plan all along and you did what you had to to survive.”

Steve shakes his head, here, in a big aquarium tank with a dead body floating just a few feet away, Steve feels finally useful.

“I will not leave you alone.”

In his mind he is still six years old, asking his babysitter if Billy will feel alone at night.

“No, honey, he will not, can’t you see how many fish are there with him?”

Only maybe he did. Maybe he was just a mermaid child, missing his mum.

***

The loud splash brings Steve back to the present time, he has no fucking idea where the water will bring them, and the flow is strong, Steve is a good swimmer but all the adrenaline of the last few days is getting to him so he is starting to feel tired.

“Let the water carry you.” Billy suggests from behind him. Even in the dirty water, Billy is still the most beautiful creature Steve has ever seen.

His tale is huge in the tight canal, but he seems completely at ease even in this unfamiliar environment.

“Are you not scared?”

Billy smirks “Oh, Steve, I have been scared all my life. This? This is nothing.”

He gets closer to Steve and hugs him “Hold on me.”

Hold on me.

Like… you can count on me.

Like… I’m here for you.

And somehow, while they are swimming in the semi-darkness toward an unknown future, Steve feels that he is exactly where he was supposed to be.

He starts to giggle in the dark.

“Are you definitely going crazy, Steve?” Billy asks, but his words are not harsh, just curious.

“I was thinking about my parents, how proud of me they will be when they find out I helped you murder Neil and escape.” The boy chuckles.

“Are you regretting it?”

Steve’s chest gets tight.

Is he scared out of his mind? Yes.

Does he have any idea of what they are going to do now? No.

Is he regretting freeing the merboy? Absolutely not.

They stay in silence for a long time, then Billy sighs "I wasn't trying to kill you, but you were putting your dirty hands in my den.” he explains, without looking at Steve.

“Your den? I thought your den was in the farther part of the tank.” And then the boy suddenly remembers the little red tail hiding behind that same rock “Oh… that was your hiding place.” The place where he collected and hid his treasure.

Billy sighs “I can't believe that I had the answer under my nose for all this time and I didn’t know it! I knew that the stupid necklace had something to do with my father but I never thought that Neil… He was kind, you know? At least at the beginning. He brought me sweet things and some shiny ones. Mum always said to not trust the human but he was the only person I had any contact with so it was hard not to become attached to the only person I saw every day. I could speak with the fish in the tank, but they would not answer me. Neil did. Neil always had some adventure to talk about. How could I not notice that it was him? My mum was fucking terrified of him! And still, I didn’t understand.”

Steve turns Billy’s face until they are watching each other “Don't get angry at yourself. You could have no idea that he was… that he did… who could have ever imagined all of that?”

“Susan.” It’s Billy’s cold answer “Susan did. She told me that she had a plan and that all I had to do was wait for her. Why didn’t she tell me what she discovered?”

Did Neil kill Susan? That’s what Steve has been thinking about since he saw the pictures on Instagram.

He has no proof but if Susan saw the dog tag and Billy trusted her enough to tell her about his father, Susan must have understood that Neil was Billy’s father and everyone knew what kind of trainer he was.

Steve tries to imagine for a moment the red-haired girl confronting the old man, maybe even threatening him.

“But why did she do that? Why didn't she talk to me?”

“I can't pretend I know why she did, Billy, but I'll tell you why I would have done it: to protect you. I would have faced Neil and told him to quit. There aren't… there aren't laws against the abuses of mermaids so the only thing she could do was pressure him into quitting. She probably tried to blackmail him and he… he killed her.”

Billy remains silent, flapping his fins, keeping Steve close to his body.

“She was kind. I think I liked her.” He whispers “She always made sure that there were a couple of shrimp in my food because she noticed I liked them the most. After she died I have never eaten another shrimp.”

Steve holds him even tighter “I'm so sorry, Billy.”

“She was so young. Maybe a couple of years older than you. I thought she fell into the water, I tried to help her, I really did but… but…”

It was too late.

There are no words that can erase such pain, so they stay embraced like that, following the water.

“Listen. Seagulls.”

***

When they emerge from the sewage canal the sun is setting.

For a moment Steve wonders if they will find the police waiting for them, but everything happened so fast that he doubts that anyone had the time to study the watery system and understand exactly where they would have ended up.

When Billy sees the ocean his eyes get wide and the gold in his irises shines even brighter, his gills open, breathing in the salted air, and in a moment he disappears under the water.

For a few moments, Steve sees the red tail, now almost violet, and then nothing more.

He stays on the shore, wet and shivering for the cold, looking at the blue expense of the ocean in front of him, wondering what he should do now. He definitely can’t follow Billy underwater, no matter what, and he has no equipment to swim with him even just for a few minutes.

The boy stares at the ocean, waiting to see a red tail or something but when nothing appears he lets himself fall on his knees.

It’s ok, they didn’t promise each other anything at all, and now Billy is finally free,

The air is crisp on his skin, he is wet and tired and all he wants to do is rest, just for a moment.

***

Steve lies on the shore, looking at the stars and wondering what he is going to do now.

His old life is gone, he is a fugitive and his parents will never get him back after what he did. He vaguely wonders if the police will inquire, if they will look through his computer if they will come to the same conclusion he did. If they will understand that Neil killed Susan.

A gasping fish falls into his lap and when he lifts his eyes, Billy is staring at him, eating another one.

“You should eat.”

“I can’t eat raw fish.”

“Why?”

“It’s bad for my stomach.” Steve tries to explain “And I have no fucking idea on how to make a fire, but thanks.”

Billy raises an eyebrow but doesn’t comment when Steve puts the fish back in the water and the animal starts to swim faster than he could.

“What can you eat?"

"Raw? I really don't know, honestly, I never had the urgency of eating something raw directly from the ocean." Steve replies tilting his head.

Billy turns toward the ocean "Have you already been here?"

"In this place?"

"In the ocean." The merboy says, looking at the horizon "It's the first time for me." Billy whispers "My mum told me something about it but… it's so big. I could swim in every direction and tired myself before getting to the glass wall."

Steve chuckles "Billy. The ocean has no glass walls."

The merboy turns toward him, his eyes big with wonder "No?"

For the first time, Steve looks at him like he was a child, not the deadly creature everyone said he was.

"No. You can swim wherever you want, with no limits."

Billy stares at him, silently.

"Are you scared?" Steve asks, getting closer to the water.

"No." the merboy denies, and Steve sits on the shoreline.

"It's ok if you are. I will not judge you. I'm scared too, you know?"

"About what?"

"Everything? I mean, I think I technically lost my job, I'm pretty much a fugitive and I can't go back home. All I have right now are the clothes I'm wearing and they are soaked." He confesses with a wry smile.

"Why don't you strip?" Billy suggests.

Steve startles "What?!"

"Why don't you strip? Your clothes will get dry faster."

"I'm not going to stay naked in front of you!" 

"Why not? I'm always naked and it makes no difference to you."

Steve blushes "It's different!"

"How?"

Steve can't point out if Billy is being sassy or naive, so he turns his face to avoid Billy and he sees a Lifeguard Towers a few feet away with a white little boat resting at his feet, the word lifeguard written in big bold red letters, and goes toward it: if he is lucky enough he will find some spare clothes.

The boy is not worried about adding breaking and entering to all the crimes he probably committed in the last few hours, so he breaks the lock with a rock and gets into the lifeguard's tower. He finds an old backpack with a pair of bright pink swim trunks, and a long faded tank top, then he takes his wet clothes and throws them inside the little boat and he pushes the boat toward the sea.

"What's this?" Billy asks, swimming around the little boat.

"It's a boat. It's a floating thing that humans use to move in the water without swimming." He never understood how little was Billy's knowledge of the world until now and for a moment he regrets his actions, the merboy is used to living in captivity, how could he survive in the wild?

Steve starts to row but Billy complains loudly about it "Stop it!" He yells, barely avoiding one of the rows.

"If I don't row in some direction I'll go adrift!" Steve complains "I have no map and I'm no good at reading stars, if the water flow will drag me far from the shore I'll be lost." And probably die.

"I can push you."

"Sorry?"

"I can push this thing.” Billy repeats “I'll stay close to the shore, I promise."

"We need to find a cove or something like that, a place where we can both rest but where we can hide." Steve says, looking around.

"Like a den."

"Like a den." Steve agrees, getting the rows inside the boat.

Steve wonders if it is crazy to entrust his life to a killer merboy who could literally eat him, and the answer is probably yes, but he is too tired, and the gentle rocking of the waves is so soothing that he falls asleep.

***

An unusual weight on the chest is what wakes up Steve, who yells when he sees a big seagull resting on his chest.

"You ok?" A familiar voice asks.

Steve turns and sees the merboy resting on some rocks nearby while the boat is resting on the shoreline.

"Where are we?"

"In a den, like you said."

Steve looks around him, they are in a little cove, the water is bright green where the boat rests, but it gets darker and darker a few feet away.

"A sea cave." He whispers astonished.

"Do you like it?" The merboy asks him, jumping into the water and reemerging just in front of Steve "We could live here."

Steve's stomach grumbles.

"I can get you some fish." Billy proposes and Steve starts to look in the old backpack to see if there is something useful and finds a crumbled packet of crackers and half a bottle of water.

"Thank you but I'm good." The boy replies.

That is a limited-time solution, he will have to get back and Billy will swim away soon, but all he can do right now is let himself enjoy the moment.

His feet hit something, and when he looks down he sees many colorful little rocks, some of them are bottle glasses that the waves transformed in little gems, but there are also some shimmering shells.

"What are those?" Steve asks, confused.

"Presents. For your treasure."

"I don't have a treasure, Billy." Steve tries to explain to him.

"I know. But you need one. A big one. I know you are not strong enough but I'll help you guard it." The sea creature replies, smiling with his sharp teeth.

"Billy… I don't need it."

"You do. My mate needs to have the biggest treasure ever!" The merboy declares proudly.

"Your what? Billy, are you ok?"

Now that Steve notices it Billy's tail is even brighter and he is almost dancing around the boat, like the sea lions do before mating.

"Billy?" He calls again, but Billy's eyes are golden than ever, with no blu in his irises "Billy I don't know what you are thinking but you are not in your right mind, ok? I understand that everything that happened was overwhelming, but please, look at me. I'm Steve. I'm your trainer."

"We kissed."

"We… sort of kissed but it wasn't a real kiss, ok? You were giving me air to breathe, do you remember that?"

"I want to give you more air." Billy's voice is so musical, and even if he is not singing to Steve, he definitely could.

Steve shakes his head, he must remain lucid, they are still in danger… Billy's lips look so nice and all Steve wants to do is feel them on his own.

"Steve…" that’s music. Not the kind he experimented when Billy gave him the order to say back, but is still a song, a song about a kid who preferred to stay at the aquarium all day instead of going to play at the park, a song about a boy who was lost, a song about a mermaid child that was scared and alone, a song about a powerful creature willing to kneel for one person alone: Steve.

The boy is leaning toward the merboy, their faces so close that he can feel Billy's breath on his skin.

It's wrong and it's perfect.

The water opens for him when he falls from the boat, but his beautiful merboy is there to cushion the fall and to share air and spit with him; his webbed hands at the side of Steve's neck are drawing swirls that make Steve shiver and for the first time Steve's hand touch Billy's skin.

It's a strange feeling, Billy's skin is cold and a little bit slimy, but his lips are warm and welcoming.

Steve.

Steve.

Steve.

He knows that it's his name but somehow is not his anymore.

Billy reemerges, holding him tight.

"Steve." He calls again, and Steve's decision shatters under the merboy touch.

The sea creature swims toward the shore, letting the boy lie on the sand.

"I want you." The merboy whispers on his lips, licking the salt from Steve's skin and Steve can’t suffocate a moan when Billy’s lips stop just behind his right ear and start to kiss and bite playfully his ear.

“Sing for me…” Billy murmurs, grinding against him with his entire body and it feels like an electric shock.

Billy’s hands are cold and Steve’s skin is far too hot, he struggles with the tank top, and finally Billy tears it, freeing Steve from the offensive piece of tissue, while hovering over him.

The merboy could crush him, but he doesn’t, he is gentle and handles Steve with such care that he thinks that no one has ever treated him as such.

They kiss again, still hungry for each other's taste, Billy pushes Steve against the sand but Steve is not going to stay there and take what the merboy is going to give him, so he turns them, leaving the merboy lying on the sand and straddles him.

Billy’s eyes are wide, his entire body is driven by the oldest force in the universe: lust.

His scales open a little and Steve sees it: a huge red dick pouring a clear liquid.

“What…?”

“I wanna mate you.” Billy whispers, like a plea on Steve’s skin, and there is no doubt about what the merboy is more than willing to do.

“Billy…”

“I’ll be gentle.” He promises, but Steve knows that he can’t trust him, at this moment Billy is just an animal driven from the primal force of reproduction and Steve’s body is not made to take something so huge.

“I can’t. Billy, I can’t. It’s too big!” Steve protests.

“Gentle.” Billy repeats, while he darts his tail and makes Steve slip closer to his chest, his huge dick between them “Touch it.” He asks him and Steve moves his hands to touch it. It’s different from Steve’s dick, bigger but softer, wet and so flexible, and it seems to move almost like a hand.

“How…?”

“It will not hurt. I promise you. I would never hurt you, you know that.”

Does Steve know that?

“How… how do you want me?”

“Close.”

Steve moves Billy’s dick out of the way, the merboy's dick just behind his back.

“What now?”

“Relax.” Billy whispers while he takes Steve’s wrists and pushes him against his chest.

“No, no, I’m not ready!” Steve tries to protest, but Billy’s dick is grinding against him leaving a wet trail that tingles.

“You’ll be ready in no time. And my dick is softer than what you are used to.”

“How do you know?”

How do you know that I have been fucked?

“I scented him on you. Didn’t like it. You smell so much better now. Sea, salt, sex.”

Steve can’t deny that his dick is leaking on Billy’s chest.

“Will you stop if… if I ask you to?”

“You will not ask.” 

“But if I do?”

“I will.” the merboy promises, and then, with a sudden movement, he starts to push inside Steve’s rim.

The pressure is gentle but relentless, Steve feels so full as he has never been before, but Billy is right. It doesn’t hurt. Not at all.

“Oh god… I fill you in my throat…” he moans.

“Would you like that? Would you like to feel my dick into your throat?”

Steve can’t answer because Billy is dragging him down on his monstrous dick while kissing him, licking with his tick tongue every corner of Steve’s mouth, eating every moan, every sigh directly from the source.

Then he starts to move inside him.

“Harder! I want you harder!” Steve asks and he will cry if Billy denies him, but he doesn’t, the merboy is ready to satisfy him and he keeps moving inside him harder and harder, making Steve bounce on his slippery tail, his legs spread around his muscled boy.

“Will you show me the most beautiful of your expressions?” The sea creature asks him and Steve nods, he doesn't even know what Billy means but whatever he wants he will give it to him.

“Come. Come for me, my treasure.” He whispers in his singing tone of voice, and Steve clenches so hard around his huge dick that it almost hurts, but it’s just a moment, and then he is falling from the biggest height ever.

When he opens his eyes the mermaid is still deeply inside him, jolting just a little inside him.

“You ok?” Billy asks him, his eyes back to blue.

“What happened?”

“You came for me.” Billy explains to him easily and Steve nods.

“Yeah but… after?”

“You passed out.”

Steve has read in some porno magazine that it could happen, but he thought that it was just an exaggeration, instead, he came so hard on Billy’s dick that he blacked out.

“What about you?”

“I need more.” The merboy tells him.

“More like what?”

“Will you let me come inside you? Paint your inside with my cum? Make you drip?”

The answer is so obvious that Steve doesn’t waste time answering and just nods.

“Give me your hand.” Billy asks him, taking three of Steve’s fingers and sucking hard on them while he keeps thrusting harder and harder. Billy’s teeth are very sharp and he could easily chop off Steve’s fingers, but they are looking at each other, Steve’s body still covered in sweat, and when he feels Billy going rigid Steve pushes his fingers even deeper, not caring for his own safety, and it’s the right thing to do because Billy opens his mouth, moaning something that sounds like a song and comes into Steve. One time, two times, three times, he comes so much that Steve feels his stomach bulge and the merboy’s cum dripping from him.

“So beautiful.” He whispers, lying on Billy’s body and the merboy holds him even tighter.

“Rest.”

“You need to rest too.”

“Mermaids don’t rest.” that’s incorrect, but it’s true that they don’t sleep like humans so Steve doesn’t complain “I’ll protect you.” Billy assures him, and for a moment, before falling asleep, Steve thinks about how quickly their role reversed. He was the kid that promised to free him, he was the one that helped him escape, but now, in their den, it’s Billy who is taking care of him.

Their den.

It sounds nice.

Doesn’t it?

***

Steve hears them before he sees them: angry songs rise from the boiling water. Steve is still on the shore and Billy is in the water, moving back and forth protectively in front of him, hissing.

“Who are you?!” One of the mermaids asks him, and Steve notices that they are all old and female.

“Who are you?!” Billy growls, hissing again.

“If the guppy wants to play, let him play, Muriel.”

Steve can understand what they are saying even if they are not really using words but a strange kind of subtle melody, and the mermaid with the black hair that just spoke doesn’t seem too friendly.

“Go away from my den!” Billy hisses again.

“How sweet is that, the guppy is trying to defend his territory!” Another laughs, and Billy keeps hissing, trying to shield Steve from their view.

“Oh… I see… the mating season made him crazy. He thinks that the stupid human is his mate.”

“Go away!” Billy sings to them but the order has no effect.

“Your mum didn’t teach you how to sing, little guppy?” The one called Muriel asked again.

“Don’t talk about her!” Billy growls, but then he freezes, seeing a mermaid with blond hair getting closer “Mum?” He asks confused and astonished “Mum… I thought you were still at the aquarium!” Billy says with a wet voice.

“She is not your mum Billy!” Steve tries to tell him, running toward him.

“Maybe she escaped like I did!” He replies, still looking at the beautiful mermaid, but Steve gets into the water, trying to shake him.

“It’s not her, Billy. It’s not your mum. Nerea… she died. She died after they brought you away from her.” The last words are almost a whisper and for a moment everything stills, then, something drags Steve underwater and he feels a sharp pain at his waist. He looks down and a red-haired mermaid is biting him.

He screams, trying to free himself, but it is only Billy’s intervention that makes the other mermaid release her grip and then he drags Steve safely toward the shore.

“You ok?” He asks, looking at the red blood that is pouring from his pierced skin.

“I’m good… I’m good.”

“Did you know Nerea?” The blond mermaid asks, getting closer.

Billy grits his teeth, so Steve answers for him “She was his mum.”

“Nerea… Nerea was your mum?” She asks again, and now that she is so close she has something familiar, long blond hair, blue eyes…

“She was… she was my sister.” The mermaid says “Are you really her son? She was too young when they captured her! How… How did that happen?!”

“My mate is injured!” Billy growls “I don’t have time to chat!”

The blond mermaid turns toward the other mermaids “Go get some seaweed to cover the wound.”

“But Onda…”

“Do it!” She sings and the order is so fierce that Steve would have been ready to go too if Billy wasn’t holding him so tight.

“Can I look at your wound?” The blond mermaid asks and is not an order, Steve could refuse, but it hurts a lot, and if she can do something to help him with the pain he will gladly accept the help she could give.

“It’s not too deep and Shui didn’t use any venom. You’ll be fine in no time, little human.”

Steve is not used to feeling little, but between these two creatures, he really feels just a kid.

“Are you really my mum's sister?” Billy asks without looking at her and the mermaid nods.

“Can you tell me what you remember of her?” She asks, and Billy is ready to tell her but she shakes his head “Not like that. Sing it to me.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Close your eyes, concentrate on her image, and let the music flow.”

It’s a sweet and sad song and even if Steve can’t understand a single word, at the end of the song his eyes are full of tears.

The blond mermaid addresses his wound and looks around the sea cave.

“You find a nice spot Billy, but you can’t stay here forever. Would you like to come back home with us?”

Billy’s fins shivers and Steve knows that he has never had a home, but then he looks at him.

“You have to go, Billy. They are your people.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll be ok.”

Onda nods “I will personally erase his memory and make sure that he gets back to his home safely.”

“You want to take him away from me?!” Billy snarls and Onda seems to scent Steve.

“I see. You already mated him, didn’t you, little guppy?”

“I’m not a guppy! And he is my mate! I will not leave him!”

She laughs “And what are you going to do, uh? He has no tail that I can see, and no gills either.”

Steve smiles, playing with Billy’s hair “It’s ok. You have to go with them and I have to go home. It’s ok.” He tries to comfort him but Billy is crying into his arms.

”I don’t want to leave you. You are my mate.” The merboy whispers.

“I am not, baby. You just imprinted on me. It happens. And I think I did it too. But you’ll be ok. I’m sure that there are a lot of pretty merboys waiting for you.”

“Steve…”

“It’s ok. Do what you have to.” He tells the blond mermaid and the mermaid nods.

“Thank you for keeping my prince safe.” She whispers, but before Steve can ask any questions a sweet song is already making him sleepy.

***

When Steve opens his eyes he is at a hospital and a policeman is asking him questions about what happened at the aquarium, but Steve can’t remember anything at all. A month of his life has gone completely lost.

He doesn’t know who Neil Hargrove is and he has no idea how he died, in his mind he is still waiting to know something after the interview that he made for the position of mermaid trainer, but the aquarium hasn’t a mermaid anymore so it seems that he is out of a job.

Steve joins many TV shows where they interview him trying to make him talk about his experience. He attends every single one with his mother, always eager to parade him around and ready to play the part of the worried mother. They take the money but the interviews are all the same, an infinite series of “I don’t know.”

Did the merboy threaten you?

Did he try to kill you?

Did he bite you?

Steve doesn’t know.

Public opinion is divided into a group that thinks that mermaids should be protected and left free, while another part thinks that what happened is proof that they are far too dangerous and that they should be exterminated once and for all.

Both of them ask Steve if he wants to be their ambassador and it doesn't matter how much money they offer him, he always refuses.

Every morning he runs three miles and ends his run on the beach, looking longingly at the sea, feeling that he misses something that was really dear to him, but he keeps running and goes back home, takes a shower, and sees the red sign of the bite on his skin, tangible proof that mermaids are, indeed, dangerous.

A mermaid killed Neil Hargrove and maybe even Susan Mayfield.

A mermaid bit Steve.

Still, his heart is mourning.

He dreams of oceans, colorful fishes, and shiny shells, and he dreams of songs with no words but that fills him with emotions and when he wakes up, in the morning, he feels rested, loved, and cherished without any real reason.

After a couple of months, all the interest in Steve has diminished and one more time he is the failure his parents can’t accept.

They tell him to find himself a job and he changes from one minimum wage job to another, trying to find his place in the world, telling himself that when he will find the right job, the right house, the right girl, everything will be ok. He just has to wait, the universe will give him what his heart longs for, he knows it, and he is not wrong.

***

Steve always loved diving, so when the longing for the sea becomes unbearable he takes his equipment and goes to the beach.

He shouldn’t go diving alone, it’s dangerous and he knows it, but he can’t wait anymore.

The boy changes into his wetsuit, which feels like a second skin to him, he wears his diving mask, takes the oxygen and his fins, and gets into the water.

The deeper he goes the colder it gets but he keeps diving, searching for a thermocline where he knows he will find some fish.

He has the impression to have seen something violet in the distance, but when he turns to look with more attention there is nothing.

When Steve reemerges, ready to go back home, he sees a little white boat rocks near the shore, inside it there are many shiny things: pieces of glass, shells, and little jewels.

It’s a present for him, a proposition, and there, when the sun is setting like it was months ago, Steve makes a decision. He grabs all the little trinkets and puts them in his backpack, then he goes back to his sad one-room apartment, grabs some food and some clothes, and goes back to the beach as fast as he can, wishing so hard that the boat is still there waiting for him, as it is.

He gets on the boat and starts to row toward the open sea.

A little voice inside his mind tells him that he will get lost and he will die a horrible death in the middle of the ocean, but another part of him urges him to keep rowing so he does, until he hits a rock. Or maybe not.

“Going somewhere, pretty boy?”

Listening to Billy’s voice is enough to dissolve the enchantment that the blond mermaid did on him.

“Billy!” The boy calls, diving into the water, and the merboy catches him with no effort.

“Hey there, pretty boy. I knew you would have come.”

“Did you sing for me?” He asks, putting together all the little things that happened to him: the dreams, the pull toward the sea, the shiny treasure.

“I sang for you every single day.” He replies, peppering his face with kisses “Onda told me that if you really were my mate you would have felt the pull even if you didn’t have your memory. And you did, didn’t you, sweet thing?”

Steve smiles, but they are still in the middle of the ocean.

“What now?”

“Now I’ll bring you home.”

***

Home, Steve discovers, is a little island uninhabited, or at least with no humans. There are a few animals and a big underwater cave that leads to an entire submerged town. Even if Billy did his best to share oxygen with him, Steve wasn’t unable to visit it, he just saw a big palace nestled between the rocks.

“I hate that you can’t see it.” The merboy says while they are resting on the beach.

“I’m sure it’s beautiful.”

“I could sing it to you.”

“Do you want to?”

“I want to share everything with you.” Billy replies, and then he starts to sing while playing with Steve’s hair, but in his song, there is more than just a castle between the rocks: there is pain and sadness, there is hope and fear, there is a hole that has Steve’s shape, and there is love. So much love.

“I’m sorry.” Steve says, turning away to hide his tears “I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, baby.” The merboy replies holding his chin and making him turn toward him “Nothing.”

“I left you.”

“You did not. You were hurt and you needed help. And you came back to me. You came back for me.”

Steve nods, while silent tears fall from his eyes and the merboy licks them.

“No more tears, I want to see you wiggle.” He tells him and then he kisses him and Billy’s foreign mouth is the closest thing to home that he has ever tasted.

The blond merboy keeps kissing him, biting the side of his jaw, and then he goes down, and down, until he is breathing just above the tent in Steve’s swim trunk.

“Can I taste you?” Billy asks him, and when Steve nods he lowers his swim trunks and takes him into his velvety hot mouth. His clever tongue insists just under the head of his dick and Steve grabs Billy’s hair, trying to resist the impossible pleasure that is filling him.

“I’m going… I’m going to come…” he mumbles, and Billy sucks even harder, ready to swallow Steve’s release.

With a few hard thrusts, Steve comes with a moan into Billy’s mouth.

Billy smiles like a shark before kissing Steve and sharing his own cum with him and even Steve’s cum tastes like the sea.

Steve’s body is so lax after the orgasm that Billy’s dick finds no resistance when he gets inside him.

The boy whimpers a little when Billy’s big dick brushes against his prostate so soon after his first orgasm, but he doesn’t complain when the merboy keeps moving inside him, boxing him and kissing him until he is a whimpering mess under him.

“So good for me… So perfect…” he praises him and Steve comes again, painting both their stomachs white.

He gets ready to relax and feel the merboy filling him until he is dripping cum, but after the first shot, Billy pulls out and comes on Steve’s body, mixing their cums on his skin.

“Mine… My mate…” he whispers and Steve nods, unable to speak.

***

“You know how important you are to him, right?” Shui, the red mermaid that bit Steve months ago asks the boy.

“I love him.” He replies.

“I know you do but I don’t think you get what it takes to fall in love with a mermaid. And with a special one like Billy.” She tells him looking at him with condescension.

“He has always been special to me, even before you found us in that stupid cave.” Steve retorts angrily.

“Don’t be offended and listen to me, stupid human. He is a Prince. Do you get that?”

“Onda is the Queen, his title means nothing.”

“It means nothing now. It will mean a lot when he changes.”

Steve turns toward the red-haired mermaid.

“He what?”

“Have you seen him today? Are you wondering why I am here babysitting you and not eating shrimp with my sisters?” She points out, annoyed.

“Where is he? What is happening? Can you bring me to him?” Steve asks anxiously.

“Calm down, little human. He is fine. He is just going through a transition.”

“I don’t understand. Is he ok?”

The mermaid nods “He is. It’s a natural process. Some fish do that, didn’t you know?”

“Some fish do what?”

“They change sex when they get older.”

They do. Groupers do it. Clownfish and other fish do it too.

“He is changing sex?”

“Didn’t you notice that all the old mermaids are females?”

He has seen a few other merboys… but no merman.

“Will he be ok?”

“They. And of course they will. They are with their sister, they will take care of them and I promised to take care of you. I just wanted to warn you because I don’t want you to be mean to them when they come back. They have human blood and we don’t know how they will change.”

“It doesn’t matter. I love Billy and I will love them whatever it happens, but are you sure they’ll be ok?”

The mermaid stares at him and then she silently nods.

***

One week.

The entire transformation lasted one week, and in all that time Steve's only company was Shui and his own fears, so when he finally sees a mane of blond hair he runs toward the water.

Billy doesn’t look too different, the only difference that he can spot is “Your tail!”

It’s not bright red anymore, it’s more lavender.

“Did Shui…”

“She did.”

“And you are ok with that?”

“Me?” Steve asks, confused.

“I’m not… I mean I am still me but… different…”

This time Steve is holding them tight “I don’t know what happened and I don’t want to know. I’m just glad that you are ok.”

“I am not ok.” Billy replies, avoiding Steve’s eyes.

“What do you need? Can I do something for you? I can ask Shui…”

“I’m not… complete.” Billy replies with humiliation.

“You are not… what?”

“I don’t have any fucking tits, Harrington! Didn’t you notice?”

Steve blinks a few times, his mouth open in disbelief. He did not notice.

“And is it a problem? Is it hurting?”

“I’m good at nothing!” Billy yells, punching the water and splashing salt water everywhere “All I had to do was transform like every fucking mermaid and I did it wrong.”

Steve gets deeper in the water, holding Billy’s face in his hands “You are fucking perfect. You got it? You are all I ever wanted and all I care about is if you are ok.”

When Billy turns toward him Steve stares at them unashamed: it’s not true that they have no tits, it’s just that they are smaller than the other mermaids. Steve gently cups one of them, weighing it in his hand.

“Can I… Can I kiss them?”

He has never thought about a female version of Billy but now that they are in front of him he wants to discover every part of this new body.

“Aren’t you horrified?” Billy asks.

“I think that the word you are looking for is mesmerized, and I am.”

Billy’s tail winds around Steve and drags him toward their chest “I’m still going to fuck you. You know that, right?”

***

They are on their honeymoon, that’s what Onda called the period they gave them before dragging Billy back to work at the palace now that they are officially the second in line.

Billy’s body is softer and their tail has a different color, but for the rest, they are still sassy as they used to be.

They haven’t had sex since Billy transformed and Steve is determined to put an end to their period of chastity.

“You know, humans have sex during their honeymoon.” He says, caressing Billy’s shoulder while they are resting under a swaying palm tree.

“Oh, do they?”

"Definitely."

“And what’s your plan? Convincing me to have sex with you talking about human customs?”

Not the brightest plan ever, but at least they are addressing the matter once and for all.

“Are you in pain? That’s why you don’t want to have sex with me?” he asks and Billy shakes their head “Are you worried you will not like it?” another nod of refusal “So what?”

“I’m worried I’ll get pregnant.”

Steve almost chokes on his own spit.

“You what?”

“Oh, Steve, do I really have to be the one who tells you? When two people love each other very deeply, sometimes they have a baby.”

“No, I get that, I mean I didn’t think that…”

“That you could get me pregnant?” Steve’s mouth feels too dry so he just nods “You could. Just like Neil did with my mum, and the younger the mermaid is, the easiest is to get pregnant.”

Steve nods “Oh, I get that, you don’t want a child from me. I mean, it’s ok, it wasn’t really in the cards when we met so…”

“Would you like that? A child? Our child?”

It’s a tricky question.

Short answer? Yes.

But he is respectful of Billy and their choice so he says “All I ever wanted was a family, and you are my family.”

“That means that you hate the idea of having kids?”

“No! I… I… I’d like to have them. With you. But if you don’t want them I get it. I mean, our life is pretty complicated as it is, right?”

He is not wrong: Billy has many responsibilities and Steve can’t exactly follow him underwater.

“I want them. But I’m scared. What if they are damaged, like me?”

No, Steve is not going to have any of that.

He pushes Billy until they are lying with their back on the sand and their arms over their head.

“You are not damaged Billy, and our hypothetical kids will not be damaged either. And if you will never want them I will never ask, but I can't stand listening to you talking like that about yourself.”

“You are really in love with me…” the mermaid grins.

“I really am.”

“Maybe I should fuck you, just to know if you are still a good partner.”

“You are such a brat!” Steve complains, but after a moment it is he who is trapped with his shoulders on the warm sand.

“Do you think that your human dick is good enough to fuck someone? It seems so tiny, doesn’t it?”

Steve’s dick is far smaller than the one Billy had “Do you think it is too small?” The boy asks, blushing at the humiliation.

“Oh, I think that with such a tiny dick I will barely feel it, and I really don’t think it will catch.”

“There is just a way to find it out, what do you say? Are you ready to let me try to knock you up?”

Billy’s dick is smaller than it was but is still there, so Steve takes it in his hands and finds it even more flexible now that it’s smaller.

He rubs his dick on Billy’s and when the tip of Billy’s cock gets into the slit of Steve’s dick he whimpers.

“Oh fuck, I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

Steve shakes his head “It’s just… intense. And strange. But mostly intense.”

“Does it mean that I could still fuck you, pretty boy?”

“Oh, I think you could even if I was inside of you but this… this feels…”

“Good?”

“So fucking good.”

Billy’s dick keeps thrusting inside the tip of Steve’s cock and when it withdraws with a quick movement Steve comes copiously on the mermaid.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” he moans, trying to stabilise his breath.

“Harrington, I thought that all of that was supposed to get inside me, not on me.” Billy teases him.

Steve rests at Billy’s side “Give me a moment and then I’ll fill you until you beg me to stop.”

“Do you really think you could?” The mermaid keep teasing the boy, but Billy let Steve rest a little while they go back in the water to keep themself hydrated; when they get back from their swim Steve is more than eager to show them that he can be a good lover.

Billy tries to play with Steve’s dick again, but the boy grabs Billy’s sex with his hand and starts to jerk them off while he slowly penetrates inside his partner for the first time.

Billy’s body is wet and warm and when they whisper on Steve’s lips that they want it harder, Steve doesn’t hesitate, thrusting harder and harder, listening to the watery slaps sound and to their moans.

“You are so warm, baby. So velvety and warm. I wanna bury myself inside of you and stay like that forever.” Steve whispers while Billy keeps repeating that they want it harder. “If I keep going like this I’m going to come in no time.” 

“I’ll fucking kill you if you stop now!” Billy almost yells while they keep moaning under Steve and when the boy feels that he is close it takes Billy’s dick in his hand once more and starts to jerk them off quicker and quicker, doing his best to get them off before coming inside of them.

“Let go. I’m here. I’ll get you.” Steve reassures them and finally, Billy comes with a moan that reverberates inside Steve’s soul, clenching so hard on Steve’s dick that he comes too, filling Billy’s inside.

They hug each other, Steve still inside Billy “I want to keep you inside me a little more.” They tell him and Steve couldn’t deny them if he wanted to.

“You ok?”

“It was… intense.” They reply and Steve smirks.

“Was it?”

“I think I’d like to do it again.”

“I’m your humble servant.” Steve replies with a smile, brushing away the blond locks “You are so fucking beautiful.” He whispers, kissing their cheeks, and somehow it feels more intimate than the fact that Steve is still buried deep inside Billy.

Steve sighs, content, if Billy want he will try to breed him again, and again, and again, but for the moment holding them in his arms is more than enough.

[beasts-of-jadewood]

Super Lesbian Animal RPG Is The Best Video Game I've Played Since Minecraft

Now that I've finally regained my ability to make publicly visible posts, I'd like to take a moment to gush about the critically acclaimed indie game classic Super Lesbian Animal RPG by @ponett and associates.

Holy shit. Holy shit? This game is so fucking good you guys. Are you kidding me? I know the title sounds like a stupid joke and there is actually a lot of humor in this game but you know what? This is a video game that's worth taking seriously. I've never given a shit about romance as a genre before getting into @slarpg because all the romance stories I've seen as a kid are either dragged-out "Will They, Won't They?" types, painful divorce stories, or fucking Romeo and Juliet. There seems to be this overwhelming belief in the genre that the greatest obstacle faced by a truly happy couple that's meant for each other is the process of getting together, and once they've gotten together the story can end. Of course, anyone who's ever had parents knows that shit isn't true, which is why I'm so fucking happy that SLARPG is a romance story about a couple that's already together and it showcases how they can have disagreements and awkward moments but still overcome them and keep going. I love that shit.

In my opinion, the most important thing a turn-based RPG developer needs to do is make sure the plot of their game is solid. With a more action-oriented game like the Souls series or Armored Core, the story doesn't fucking matter and nobody cares about it. People are in it for the exciting, challenging gameplay. If you show them a crisp parry animation that feels better than sex when you time it perfectly or a sick-ass command grab from a boss or whatever, then they're already sold without even knowing who any of the characters are. But you can't have those things with a turn-based RPG so the story is the most important part, and holy shit did SLARPG have the story nailed down on a cross and ready for worship.

See, I've spent my entire life searching for more stories that are relatable to people who live in the real world but at the same time provide a better alternative to the bleak reality we all know and don't love. SLARPG is one of those stories. Melody and Allison will talk about shit like housing being too expensive and Claire will mention how she doesn't talk to her transphobic parents anymore but they're also able to find happiness and stability with the power of love. It gives the game a sort of hopeful undertone that it's meant to represent the real world if people had the courage to do something about all the awful shit we have. Basically, SLARPG shows that misery exists in its world without normalizing it. Every drop of tear shed by Melody is treated with the immense gravity it deserves. At no point did the game say "This suffering you feel is just what happens in the world, better get used to it kid." but it also simultaneously shows how it's possible to move forwards from that sadness one step at a time. I fucking love that shit.

Read more for spoilers.

Now, getting into spoiler territory. I really like how this game also managed to marry its personal, emotional conflict with its greater, physical conflict. At no point in the game are you made to feel like the action-packed excitement of "Fight enemies, save the world." is interrupted so the characters can work through their private emotional insecurities. No, the characters' emotional insecurities and the world-ending threat they face feed into each other and feel as though they're one in the same. Even the main villain was revealed to be someone suffering from similar insecurities in the end and it's the protagonists' ability to make a positive example of themselves that played a key role in defeating her.

Speaking of the villain, she actually made me briefly consider not liking this game since she initially said that she wanted to destroy all the world's evil and recreate the world in a better state, only for the heroes to immediately try and stop her. I had a huge issue with this plot development at first because I hate it when people who wish to change the world for the better are portrayed as the bad guys for some reason. That is, until SLARPG revealed that its main villain was just making up an excuse and simply wanted personal revenge for the perceived murder of her wife that didn't even actually happen, while the heroes wanted to stop her because they were understandably ignorant and afraid of what the fuck her plan actually meant and how many casualties it might cause. In other words, the villain never actually intended to make the world a better place and was thus not portrayed as a bad person for doing so. She wasn't portrayed as a bad person at all, in fact. Rather, she's more depicted as someone blinded by her own rage and victimized by enabling trolls who wanted to start shit for fun, which made her far more relatable and interesting in my opinion.

All in all, I think SLARPG was great. It's a thematically consistent and tonally hopeful story with a good message and relatable characters. The game itself also left quite a few unaddressed antagonists like the evil crypto-mining corporation that keeps the reanimated corpses of former employees as slaves, or the mysterious being from the astral plane that possessed the protagonist and was never truly defeated. These things make me hopeful that we'll get a sequel or DLC or something one day, and I'll be there to support this series every step of the way. Bobby, if you're reading this, thank you so much. I haven't seriously enjoyed a contemporary work of fiction for years now but this game reminded me of how it feels to actually love a video game for once instead of playing through it out of spite like I did with the Souls series. Keep up the good work, for real.