#-want to eat that man whole. j letting u know <3]

[doux-bisous]

phantom-core lover 💪

and by that i mean kneeling at your feet and kissing the hems of your clothing, resting my forehead on the toes of your shoes, placing myself so entirely at your mercy because if you were to do anything to me i'd accept it with nothing but enamoured eyes and shuddering whimpers!!

would you be tender? gentle with my pitiful flesh? gracefully leaning down with a hand outstretched to my face, allowing me to press my lips to your palm and feel your fingertips ghost against my temple, to stroke past to my hairline?

or are you just fucking reviled and repulsed by me? by my dog-like sniveling and pathetic pleading to stay in the glory of your presence? will you sharply tug your legs away from me, scoffing as my head drops straight to the floor, and feel bile raise as you watch me scamper back to gape up at you? and how revolted would you be when you realize i'm not upset about this development, rather, you find me gawking and enraptured, wordless, and waiting for more?

and would you prefer it that way?

[the-s1lly-corner]

hiii could i get J, P, Q an U for Slender? thanks! and i hope your day is going really well >_<

More Fluff Alphabet /w Slenderman but these letters!

my days been pretty okay! slow, but not terrible :O gonna be slow from tomorrow until next saturday so i might promote requests being open ponders not proof read!! though to be fair i dont. think i proof read any of my stuff

J (JEALOUSY)-

he can get rather possessive in general when it comes to you or his proxies so uh

don't like, try to make him jealous on purpose, it doesn't end well for anyone involved. actually don't try to tick off forest demons in general

i know i keep saying stuff like "oh god forbid someone make you uncomfortable" in these but like. slenderman is still this huge powerful creature, i know my interpretation on him is a bit silly n different but he still has roots in the 2010s fandom interpretation, you know?

there will be... a mess... is what im saying

in the case that someone is being weird with you, he's less jealous and more angry, though, of course not angry at you

though there will be hard boundaries set in place if you try to rile him up on purpose, he doesnt want to waste his time on someone whos going to toy with him like that. both in a "hey thats not really cool or healthy of you to do to me or our relationship" and also "im fucking slenderman im a old ass powerful demon, who do you think you are?"

P (PETNAMES)-

he calls you; love, darling, my dear

he likes being called; really anything under the sun, because as long as its something coming from your mouth hes pleased, because it ultimately means hes yours and youre his

q (QUESTION)-

for more context see this post! dives into lore stuff for my au/hcs but it'll help add context to this segment!:

here!

hope the link copied well enough </3 if not you can find it on my blog, titled "all entwined in one web" or something along those lines

anyways

some variant of "why do you stay"

you could have decided to be with literally anyone else, but you chose a solitary self loathing demon who eats people in order to survive, created for the sole purpose to cause issues and harm to humanity

on one hand he wants you to stick around and keep him company; but on the other hand he wants you as far away from him as possible so you can go out and live your own life without being in danger or having to put up with his whole deal

please give him lots of reassurance, its going to take a lot for him to stop asking those kinds of questions; assuming he stops asking at all

U (UPSET)-

i feel like him being upset is similar to the jealousy part of this post, but just more. broad. like hes not going to take shit if youre going to try to upset him on purpose

hes more patient if its accidental, though. diving into a previous fluff alphabet, if its an accident and something that can be helped in terms of future instances hes likely to work through it with you. he knows his time with you is short, if his partner is a mortal, and he doesnt want to waste that time

soft slenderman my beloved, let this man have complex emotions and desires and whatnot

kinda just. vanishes when he gets real upset, though, since he cant control his anger that well and generally just doesnt want you to see him like that- best way to help him like that is to just give him time

if youre the one upset hes going to listen to you, if you need someone to talk to. man of few words, advice can go fifty fifty

either gives good advice or not good advice; and thats on him being around for a long time but not really spending a lot of that time you know... interacting with others in a meaningful way

bonus if you still live at your place he's going to do a bunch of your chores for you. in. varying degrees of success, similar reasoning as above since he doesnt really have a home of his own to do like. dishes or laundry at. still bouncing between if im going to have the mansion be a part of this au of mine or not, and if so, how its going to tie in to everything

shrugs

[charmixpower]

For me recently I’ve been eating up all the rivusa crumbs in the movies ESP magical adventure but since I have no irl outlet I’m just gonna say here that in secret of the lost kingdom the freaking cut scene from the Italian where the old white man tells riven that he needs to figure out whats his reason fighting and Musa just comes and links arms with him owns my heart AND THEN it links back to when they have their moment towards the end where he tells her she is what he’s fighting for😭😭 dude that kiss is engraved in my head for absolutely no reason I love it so much the animation was giving all it could have been giving at that moment😭😭 and also when Musa was giggling while riven was doing extra stuff with his hover bike just makes me so happy🥲

But then magical adventure ironically outsells the sotlk rivusa moments Bcs let me say when they meet in eraklyon and she runs and pushes up on his shoulders to kiss the side of his forehead😭😭 and his hand placement just gives me life and when they kiss (with so much tenderness that my heart is exploding) his hands deadass brushes over her ass😀😀😀 (the fact that the animators made an ACTIVE DECISION TO ANIMATE THAT TOO) it just helps with my hc that musas favourite place to hold riven is around his neck and his is around her waist (and lower ig🤷‍♀️ ) and they’re holding hands to wan to the ship too🥲🥲🥲 ALSO when riven ran up to musa on the ship to tell her “I always loved playing pirates” I MEAN COME ON THEY ARE SO CUTE and when they’re all kinda mourning over sky’s dad riven just puts his hands on her shoulders to comfort her and she later just reaches back to place her palm over his hand on her shoulder😭😭😭 URGH my heart can’t handle all these moments and then when the winx get back their powers she tackles him from the back and wraps her arms around his neck while she’s flying😭 and they just stay that way and look at each other when bloom and sky kiss lol🤪 and then when they need to fly back to the ship THEYRE THE LAST COUPLE TO SEPARATE AND HE JUST HOLDS HER HAND FOR AS MUCH AS HE CAN BEFORE SHE FLIES OFF😭😭😭 ok I think I’m done with my rivusa verbal diarrhoea I spent a whole 3 hours watching magical kingdom because I kept going back and slowing down the cute rivusa crumbs and analysing everything🤪 thank you for coming to my Ted talk about why rivusa have always been and will be the best

HELPPP THIS ASK IS EVERYTHING AND MORE!!!!

I thought I was the only one obsessed with movie Rivusa, bestie I love you, I could talk about "I've always loved playing pirates" for hours straight

YOUR SO RIGHT

SotLK is about big dramatic Rivusa while MA is all about those domestic casual Rivusa moments and I could stare at them forever

I rewatch the first and second movie p often because I love and are obsessed without them thank uuu so I am absolutely the person to send this to thank u for the food

I'm so mad they cut that scene bc Riven's arc in the first movie makes so much less sense without it but it's literally the same arc again and I'm sick of is, MA forever for just letting Rivusa vibe and exist

Like I know Riven is the most interesting and well written male character in the show but give my man a break 🙄🙄🙄 his shoulders must be in so much pain form carrying most of the specialist sub plots

I love all the Rivusa kisses from the first kingdom, but the one where she was surprising him was so cute. Riven defo stuggles with being openly affectionate even tho he really really wants to be and Musa knows this show she's being affectionate enough for the both of them I love them so much sobbing

Their so soft but I can't believe you needed the movie to tell u that Riven is handsy with his s/o /j like it was so obvious. I couldn't tell you who is worse between them tbh. Musa, as seen by her s1 outfit, is more attention getting, Riven is only subtle when you compare him to her. Musa is going to kill Riven with her outfits one day, and she's not gonna even be a little sorry because it was completely intentional

The animators knoooo

My hc is that Musa really likes just attaching herself to his arm. His arm is stuck being cuddled to her chest and he's not getting it back thank youuu. That hc is because the s2 finale party is literally everything I've ever needed in Winx, but I can definitely see where your coming from. Musa is part of the "I'm going to jump on my boyfriend" coalition with Stella and Aisha

And yes true, canon

THEIR LITERALLY SO CUTE ADORABLE AND SOFT IN THAT MOVIE AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH FOR IT

I love how Musa prefers to sneak attack Riven by jumping on his back. Stella and Aisha r so proud. She definitely does that just to mess with him. "Hahaha I snuck up on you 😜" and Riven, who damn well heard her is like "yaah you did babe" and then she messes with his pointy hair

They are BOTH CLINGY BECAUSE THEY WORRY ALOT ABOUT EACH OTHER CHANGE MY MIND I LOVE THEM SO DEARLY

YE S YES UES IVE DONE RHE SAME THING YOUR THE MOST VAILD PERSON IN THE WORLD

I completely agree and I am patiently waiting for the next ted talk this was WONDERFUL

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

not 2 exaggerate or anything but youre my absolute fav writer on tumblr 💥💥💥💥💥 im a big fan of domestic/comfort/simple, warm moments type of genre in fics and your works just rlly scratch that specific itch in my brain. whatever fics u post im like yo.... this is everything im looking for in a fic..... wheres the source from..... r u sucking them out from my brain be honest have u dug a hole already and using me for popularity 🤨🤨🤨 (/J)

might be bc im on my period or wtv but i was gg thru your masterlist ytday night before gg to sleep and i cried while reading "i've alw loved the way you eat," "i dream now of a normal life with you," and "ask me to leave and i'll stay forever." like jfc theres such a specific type of intimacy and soft moments you convey through your words SO WELL i physically feel my heart melting reading them. like UGH esp in "i dream now of a normal life with you" where suguru is just so soft and sappy over reader im just like UGHHHH I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME LIKE THAT AND FOR ME TO RETURN BACK THE SAME LOVE, IF NOT MORE TOO!!!!!!!!!

u get it, u rlly do - honestly u have the best fanon hcs and characterization of suguru i love that man sm so to see him so accurately represented rlly makes me so happy tq for understanding him....... sometimes i see a mischaracterization so bad in a fic i just have to close the app and touch grass LMFAOOOO but u get it.... u rlly do.... never once posted a wrong hc about suguru.... op ur brain <333 u make me so happy i love u sm thanku for creating such beautiful fics i alw come back to reread a bunch of ur stuff, they never get old, it's literally everything im looking for. idc how "boring" hurt/comfort fics r, like even if there's no drama, sometimes simple is best and u do it so, so well thanku op i lov u muacks ❤️

anon ……….

you are . the sweetest in the whole wide world. in the universe. u genuinely don’t UNDERSTAND how big my smile was when i saw this…. melted into a tiny little puddle on the floor

I LOVE YOU….. 🥺🥺🥺 i love you forever and ever and i’m so thankful for your support!!!!! i don’t even know where to begin i’m so overwhelmed pbdkdbdj (AFFECTIONATELY)…. YOU CALLING ME YOUR FAV WRITER? IS SO INSANE??? AND SUCH AN HONOUR????? i cried a bit ngl i’m just. very very thankful T_T but anon.. you can’t expose me like that </3 how am i supposed to get my daily dose of clout if you go around telling ppl abt the ideas i steal directly from your brain???? smh /j ily <3

I’M. just. so unbelievably happy that my writing can mean something to you 😭 and make you feel something!!!! when i hear that ppl cried reading one of my fics i always get so . emotional. it just means so much!! i don’t want you to cry but i’ll accept your tears happily :’3 i hope they were sappy tears and not Sad Tears…..

ON THAT NOTE. THE SAPPINESS. THE SOFTNESS. YES. i’m so happy you could feel it bc most of my fics rlly are just intimacy and nothing else and!! i rlly like writing them that way….. m just happy you enjoyed reading them too :’’’3 i dream, now, of a normal life with you is very near n dear to my heart so!!!! i’m overjoyed that you liked that one in particular 🥺🥺🥺 it just makes me feel so happy and appreciated and . i want to explode a bit. soft sappy sugu is best sugu!! i’m sure you’ll find a love like that some day anon <33 we all deserve it!!

ON THE TOPIC OF SUGU. there truly sincerely is nothing i love hearing more than anons who tell me i do sugu justice. IT MEANS SM TO ME…. he’s so complex and multifaceted and knowing that my own take on him can resonate w anyone makes me soooooo happy…. 🥺🥺 and you saying i have the best characterization of him????? just makes my soul want to ascend. sniffle. thank you!! he’s our golden boy and i love him very much…. honestly i’m way more picky abt gojo than sugu when it comes to mischaracterization but i understand you completely anon…. sometimes i see a take that my brain won’t even let me conceptualize bc i disagree with it so much and then i just have to close my eyes and reboot </3

op ur brain <333 u make me so happy i love u sm thanku for creating such beautiful fics i alw come back to reread a bunch of ur stuff, they never get old, it's literally everything im looking for. idc how "boring" hurt/comfort fics r, like even if there's no drama, sometimes simple is best and u do it so, so well thanku op i lov u muacks ❤️

sorry had to copy paste this bc it made me want to CRY. you make ME so happy hello???? you have no idea the pure amount of endorphins this ask gave to me 😭😭😭 I’M HAPPY I CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY…. you have my whole heart and soul anon atp let’s just get married i think . my heart is yours to keep!!! i can’t tell you how mushy i get knowing there are people out there who read my fics not once but multiple times….. yeah. i’m just. very grateful for you anon <3333 thank you so much for your support and for sending me this lovely ask. i’m gonna be reading it forever n ever !! :((((

[59writes]

STRAY KIDS - THEIR S/O IS ADHD/AUTISTIC

two posts in one night???? I spoil you all /j

hello fellow autists <3

it has truly occurred to me how much I want a relationship where my partner loves seeing me happy stim that’s it lol. if you like seeing ppl happy flap constantly then date me hehe

this is so self indulgent I’m sobbing irl

also this most definitely wasn’t written because I am doing a little bit of skz hyperfixating absolutely not. (/s)

(it’s been a while because I’ve been hfxing on svt and I just. miss the boys v much skz will always have a very soft spot in my heart)

okokokok time for the vibes!!!

(Note: this used to be x “neurodivergent” reader. I was using neurodivergent to just mean autistic/adhd, when it really encompasses way more disorders than that. I’m sorry for any misunderstandings or distress it may have caused. Happy reading!)

BANG CHAN

• (god he’s so goofy I love him)

• okok so

• this man was just. so kind when u told him and he was like “yo that’s cool!!!”

• it was a little awkward cuz he had no idea exactly what was going on but he learned quickly!!!

• he just. is a very fast learner and observant fella and just. quickly understands

• he is your human weighted blanket

• warm n heavy when ur sad (:

• he gets excited when he sees you happy stim and definitely does it back!!! He does not know why he does it back but it is instinct to him now!!!

• he keeps all sorts of dangles and attachments on his keychain in case you need to fidget in public

• he definitely plays with them too shhhhh

• he orders food up to you if he knows you’re struggling to eat and will do chores for you if you’re overwhelmed ???? 10/10 man

• he’s such a go with the flow kinda guy I think he wouldn’t be fazed by any sudden mood swings or oversensitivity

• you push him away because human contact is too much rn? no worries. you zone out mid-sentence? all good, he’ll bring you back gently. you start rambling about a special interest?? he will listen!!! he does not care if he’s busy!!!!

• you aren’t a burden to him at all and it really is just. comforting to know ㅠㅠ hhhhhh

MINHO

• I have to start this by saying he brushes his cats for you before you visit so they’re very soft and have no potential for any bad textures

• is totally fine with you coming over to his house all the time because he knows animals make you happy

• he’s definitely fine with visits where you both just sit in silence or one of you talks the whole time while the other just listens

• definitely the type to keep stuffed animals or comforting clothing saved in his house for if you’re stressed or need to stay over

• he’s okay with not wanting physical contact like hugs. he’s just not that kinda guy so it works out lol!!

• because a lot of his jokes are sarcastic or teasing he’s started doing jazz hands whenever he’s making a joke so you can tell if he’s serous or not

• plus it’s really funny seeing him make an annoyed joke and then doing the jazz hands after while he’s all grumpy

• he notices the little things and changes them

• very willing to make small changes in his life to help u (:

• sends u texts with pictures of his cats where he’s reminding you to take a break or he’s gonna “let Dori eat your socks” or something like that

• rents movies you hyperfixate on and stays up late talking about them with you

• he later buys the movies lol

CHANGBIN

• ngl this man screams neurodivergency to me

• idk he’s my bias so I kinda look at him a lot and he just. stims a lot and has those random bursts of energy??? he has trouble with telling how loud he is??? sometimes reacts “inappropriately” to a situation??? And he zones out a lot??? idk I could explain this better but like. he and I have a lot in common and I’m very autistic so

• the lip biting thing he does all the time could totally be a stim (especially thinking about how he does it a lot in interviews or when he’s put on the spot, yk??), he has a very consistent style and doesn’t change up his hair like. ever. likes wearing hats and big clothes and kinda hides in them

• idk man I have been thinking!!! this isn’t like a “headcanon” or whatever I legitimately can see him being neurodivergent (idk I know Korea sucks about that kind of shit so ig we’ll never know??? but h)

• anyways on that note

• you guys trade clothes all the time because they r just. good comfy!!!! good associations!!!! plus you both dress for comfort so all of your clothes are safe clothes

• y’all will just hang out on the floor on your phones and just enjoy being together (:

• when one of you stims it triggers the other person’s stims and soon you guys r just having a little stimfest

• you both can tell when each other needs a break or a distraction if things are getting too much

• like you keep an eye on him in the studio and if he gets frustrated with a song you challenge him to a Mario Kart battle on your phones or start talking about something you saw out shopping and how cool it was

• and he does the same- if you’re stressed he’ll lay down next to you and start talking about the song he’s working on and what everything means and little details and all of that. or asks if you want to go out and get food

• y’all got matching stim toys, little stuffed animal keychains that crinkle a little when you squeeze them. changbin says it’s embarrassing but you know he likes it.

• you can talk without actually speaking like. you just Understand if you look at each other

• you just both know each other well and can read each other well and it’s just. very balanced and peaceful and calming ((((:

HYUNJIN

• first of all I’ve been watching this gif on loop hdbbdhvshdbjfjfjdhbdjfkfknbsvahg. help. men. specifically this man.

• lets you fidget with his hands and rings

• like you can just grab his hands when he’s talking with someone and he won’t even flinch just let you do whatever while he continues his convo

• definitely also lets you style his hair if that’s your thing too

• braid his hair and then let it down and then braid it up and then let it down etc etc (((:

• loves trying to find you new stim toys it’s like a challenge

• he wears those fidget rings all the time like the ones that spin????? just in case you need something

• after you tell him you got overstimulated during one of the concerts he works on getting the crew to be a bit kinder with the flashing lights and gets you to be allowed backstage so you can watch privately away from crowds (:

• you’re his favorite person ngl he loves doing nothing with you

• he is whipped he is at your beck and call.

• you’re so peaceful and kind and inquisitive and knowledgeable and always have something new to offer him

• never a dull moment!!!

• he likes watching you interact with you special interests because your eyes get so bright and you get so excited, even when it’s overwhelming and you’re struggling

• when it’s overwhelming and you’re struggling he knows how to safely distract you too

• he’s a comfort human don’t even @ me

• even tho he’s a bit wild he remembers what’s important and is genuinely a good person

• he likes how you notice things he doesn’t, especially things about himself

• like you point out a new freckle that wasn’t there a few weeks ago or how he cuts grapes in half instead of just eating them whole just basic stuff like that

• little things that make him see the world in a different way )))):

JISUNG

• hee hoo

• this man has absolute monkey brain

• you will never be understimulated or bored with this dude

• he’s very receptive to the world around him for better or for worse, so he catches on quickly to if you’re struggling and makes an effort to avoid stressors from there on out

• when you’re stressed in public he just talks about nonsense that you don’t have to reply to if you don’t want to, just to keep you present

• and if you’re not in a talking mood he’s synced up your headphones with his so when you play your music he can listen too if he wants

• once he left to grab something and the song changed and this man comes sprinting back into the room with whatever he grabbed and is like “holy shit this is a banger what’s it called”

• he kinda gets distracted himself sometimes and can be a bit too exuberant or make annoying noises but he corrects his behavior immediately

• like I said he’s very aware of things

• it’s hard sometimes, cuz he definitely lives for those adrenaline rushes

• but he wants you with him the whole way and wants you to feel safe and happy

• steals borrows your stim toys on complete accident

• it’s all good you just “borrow” them back later lol

• does not like big social events so that’s a plus

• he’s clingy asf so at any event he won’t just ditch you to talk to his friends Nah you’re joined at the hip he will Not let you go unless he’s sure you’re 100000% safe and even then he’ll check in like “u sure you don’t want to hang out with me hmmm”

• bastard man I love him.

FELIX

• he loves getting excited about things with you!!!

• always keeping track of your special interests and remembers things about them!!!!

• he’ll be like “yeah so I remember the time you said something about (x) and I’ve been thinking about it” and you’re like “holy shit you remembered” (pls this shit is true love.)

• sees things that reminds him of you and comes home and tells you about them

• also lets you play with his fingers and braid his hair

• leaves you notes or sends you texts to remind you of things or just make sure you know his schedule !!!

• he is an excellent listener and you two can just chat for hours comfortably and be open with each other and there’s no shyness or anxiety

• will never judge you for an interest end of story!!!

• he knows remembering to eat is hard so he also sends texts reminding you to eat something!!! he always has snacks somewhere

• he’s so goofy and lighthearted uGh I love him sm I just want to hug this guy ))))):

SEUNGMIN

• this man definitely has a weekly planner set up on Google drive or something where you can both see recent edits or whatever that you write your schedules on

• he also writes notes about his schedule, usually something about how he hates dance practice ):<

• it’s very funny he is a funny little dude

• another one who is totally fine with just vibing in the same room without talking

• he has a rlly soothing voice so if you’re stressed he just talks about random stuff and it helps ))))):

• is quick to tell others off if they don’t listen to you when you ask them to stop something or if they’re stressing you out

• normalizes some of the shit you do so you don’t feel bad

• like “yeah we can definitely order to-go. no they won’t question it we just have to look busy lol” or “dude everyone wears their headphones in public it’s not weird” or “honestly who doesn’t like the sound of rocks clicking together?” etc etc

• I definitely think he tries to steer away from the topic in public as much as possible so you don’t feel like. weird yk??

• he’s great with coming up with excuses for why you can’t do something or why you need to leave early

• not that he wants to hide your neurodivergency, just that it’s hard

• like apparently “I’m too overstimulated” isn’t a fucking valid excuse smh

• plus like. he doesn’t want anyone demeaning you because of whatever

• will fight. no questions asked. passive aggressive comments are his forte.

• gives the best hugs. not too much pressure, not too much touching, yk???

• uGh he’s just always willing to listen and learn and sit through multi-hour long philosophical talks even with all the zoning out and backtracking and jumping around

• I need me a man like this tbh

JEONGIN

• he’s used to being nagged about being the youngest or most childish so he genuinely doesn’t judge anything you’re into, even if it’s “out of your age range”

• like he doesn’t see why it’s that big of a deal that you enjoy something??? like everyone needs to calm down and let you live???

• when you infodump he absorbs everything with big eyes

• ugh he’s silly and teasing and just generally a comfort to be around

• can read body language well and so he can let you know how people are acting plus he can tell if you’re stressed

• very much a pro at finding comfortable ways to have physical contact with you

• sometimes you’ll both just talk for ages about your lives or stresses or whatever while you lay on the floor and eat ramen or candy

• just vibing!!!

• even though he’s your partner he’s very much your closest friend and confidante and you two would just. do anything for each other and are always willing to help

• You are a unit!!! he doesn’t plan anything without checking with you first and you do the same with him!!!

• overuses tone indicators when he texts because he doesn’t want to mess up!!!

• so many stuffed animals. so many so many so many

• and soft blankets!!!!!!

[babymilkawa]

valentine’s day headcanons with:

levi ackerman, armin arlert, eren jaeger

gn!reader :)

levi ackerman

a w k w a r d

he has 0 knowledge on this and only acts on instincts

he’ll know nothing about the usual valentine gifts (which is actually good) and get you something he knows you’ll like

I mean he knows he has to get u sthing mans not that dense 🙄

when u wake up and whisper happy valentine’s day

he freaks for a sec then remembers that ur gift is under the bed

he kisses you and oof soft morning cuddles until the “kids start running everywhere”

he gives you ur gift and is a little scared u won’t like it

but u do U BETTER COS ITS LEVI and he can breathe again

as for affection, he doesn’t change on this day

he still tries to give you his attention and shows you how much he appreciates you

the other corps are gushing about the two of you like “cmon...we know you wanna get a room..shfjsdh”

y'all just roll ur eyes and continue training

when ur not with him though, hange goes up to him and is like *nudge nudge* “so did you prepare anything for tonight?”

he goes huh??

“what is there to prepare”

hange straight up face palms

“you have to decorate the bed with rose petals! light up candles! make her dinner!”

he’s stressed now

he thought it was over?? he thought he would just cuddle you like he does every night, maybe add some spice??

where the hell was he supposed to get roses huh

nevertheless, he tries his best

he doesn’t get roses and doesn’t litter them on the bed because that’s,,messy,,,

but he puts them in a nice vase

the room is lighted with only a few candles and you already ate so he didn’t cook dinner

when u come in he goes “I know it’s not much...”

but you hug him and thank him anyways 

then u cuddle and spice it up like planned 😏

armin arlert

OK SO this guy is the sweetest ok

he’s got all the sunshines and rainbows for u (yk what I mean)

he writes u a wholeass poem where he confesses his undying love for u again, bakes u sweets and packs em in a box with the words “will you be my valentine?” on the very bottom

like you’re already his s/o he don’t need to ask jdfhgjfh 😫🤚🏻

I mean was he scared you’d say no to the box? maybe...

the poem was actually very well written and you can tell he took a lot of time on it

the sweets were delicious and Sasha may or may not have stolen a few

I mean u needed to get to the bottom of the box sooo 👀

he’ll sneak kisses to you throughout the day

jean sees every one of them and glances over at mikasa, sweating his balls off HHHAhhahaha

hange will be gushing at young love and Levi will just turn away

erwin tries to get everyone’s attention again

Eren’ll prolly tell you how many crumpled papers there are in his room from the night that Armin finally decided to sit down and write the poem

Eren prolly exaggerated a WHOLE lot saying how Armin was on the verge of crying because he didn’t know what to write

I mean he WAS scratching his hair out because it has to be perfect for you

now armin is j tryna shut that damn Eren up, blushing furiously

eren is threatening to show you the crumpled drafts hahahejh

when the night comes, soft hours are on

you guys sit in his room and honestly just have some wholesome talks

you reflect on your relationship, he tells you how much you mean to him

sigh 😌

eren jaeger

he’ll go to armin instead of mikasa for help

then when armin mentions that mikasa is a girl and that she’ll prolly know better, he’s like Ron in Harry Potter when they’re asking ppl to the ball

like “mikasa, you’re a girl, right?”

*suffocates him with her scarf*

anyways, this green eyed dude will give you your gift with shaking, sweaty hands, stuttering all over the place

you end up just kissing him so he’ll shut up

then he’s got a list of your plans for the day, not being subtle AT ALL

like he prolly wrote all this on the toilet

so he’s pulling out his toilet paper from his pocket like “d-do you wanna g-go o-on a hike f-first or-”

“let's go on a picnic!” you suggest

instantly paniks cos this Wasn’T on tHE List MIkaSAAAAAA

when you guys are packing the food, Sasha offers to help but really just secretly eats it all

you end up checking the bottom of the basket to see if there’s a hole hahAha

Eren takes you to a decent place though, where the wind blows and it’s quiet and peaceful

he wants to hold your hand and just goes for it

like snATCHES it

after he gets over his nerves,,,y’all,,,make out <3

then your laying on his lap, he’s making a flower crown awww

you make one for him too cos y not

he tells you a couple of things about the nature around you

like “oh this plant was everywhere in my hometown, you would never not see it in our soup”

you watch the sunset together with your flower crowns on

when you get back from the hill everyone’s there and clapping lMAO LIKE “ABOUT TIME”

no one bothers to save dinner for y'all cos u already ate anyways

Sasha said that

when he goes back to his room Levi is standing there reading to whoop his ass for the mess but when he sees Eren walking in and smiling he lets him go

Eren doesn’t even SEE LEVI HAHAH he just plops face down on his bed and has this happy sigh

Levi just rolls his eyes and tells u ur loverboy is in there 🥰💕💘

a/n: this made me 🥺

attack on titan masterlist

[larkfeldmans]

harry gardner nsfw alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex):

harry is very caring after sex. he’ll usually get you a glass of water after and a towel to clean yourself up.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s):

his favorite body part of yours is your ass. he can’t get enough of it. throughout the day, if not working, he’ll slap your ass.

your favorite is his eyes and how blue they are.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically):

harry loves coming on your tits and back. but if you let him, he loves coming in your mouth.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs):

he really likes it when you ride his thigh. especially while he’s working. it gets him off.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

i feel like harry is pretty experienced. he’s gotten around and is very good at many things in the bedroom.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying):

harry LOVES when you ride him. he likes when you face him though, so he can grab onto your tits and watch as you moan in pleasure.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

it depends on his mood. he can make love when he has the time to, but can also fuck you like the world is about to end.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.):

he trims. it’s never bothered him, or you, and that’s all that matters.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect):

harry is very romantic. if you want rose petals leading to the bed, red wine, and hot bubble baths, you’ve come to the right person. that is, if he wants to be romantic that day.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon):

before you met harry, that was one of the only ways he could gain inspiration and calm himself down. he doesn’t masturbate as much anymore. if he does, he thinks of you.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks):

he’s a kinky bastard for sure. thigh riding, choking, blood, degradation, praise being just some of the many.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do):

risky places. the kitchen counter with the blinds open, the stairs of the house, any elevator he can get his hands on, he loves it when you suck him off under his desk while he’s writing. also, the shower is one of his favorite places.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going):

just being around you turns him on. the love and passion of your relationship fuels him so much, you’re like his own personal viagra.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs):

anything you’re uncomfortable with. he won’t make you feel bad about it.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.):

like any man, harry loves a good blowjob. especially while he’s working. he loves the feeling of it. just because he likes receiving doesn’t mean he won’t give though. when he does give head, it’s fucking amazing. the best sensation you’ve ever felt.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.):

if he’s stressed, fast sex gets him calmed down. if you’re stressed, he’ll make it romantic for you. it all depends on the situation.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.):

if you’re down for it, harry enjoys quickies. it allows him to get back to his work in time.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.):

harry gets OFF on risk. the possibility of getting caught is so exhilarating to him.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?):

he can usually last 2 or 3 rounds until he’s completely knocked out.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?):

he loves using vibrators on you. watching you squirm around in pleasure makes him go crazy. he’s also a cock ring kinda guy.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease):

harry IS a teaser. he loves seeing you go crazy from wanting him so badly.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.):

he’s not super loud, but will grunt and moan for you in your ear.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character):

harry gets off on eating you out. the fact that you’re getting pleasured, makes him so horny.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes):

a bit over average and slightly girthy. about 6 inches, but he knows how to use it.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?):

super high! especially if he’s been writing for hours.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards):

like a gentleman, harry makes sure you fall asleep before him. he’ll wrap his arms around your stomach and stay with you the whole night.

[kittydripuwu]

smoking weed with dazai and fyodor

special tags for this one @sadcannibal @whorefordazai

words - 541

warnings - drugs!, mentions of sex, more drugs! minors dni

genre - crack

dazai osamu

- we know this man has a bit of experience with drugs

- ahem throwback to when he took shrooms

- anyways i feel like dazai has some experience with substances aka alcohol and shrooms (maybe other stuff who knows)

- when you first bring up the idea to him tho, he'll be pretty intruiged

- i feel like dazai is the type of person to like trying new things

- so

- he will definetly agree to this

- you'll suggest smoking at night, somewhere nice

- he will take you to some rooftop because he can watch the stars (again with me abt dazai watching the starts oml)

- i feel like dazai's preferred smoking method would be a j

- you and him would share one <3

- *remember people, when u smoke always have water!!*

- anyways

- i feel like dazai's drugs tolerence would be so low

- this man would get so high from like 3 hits

- he would laugh at litterally everything

- like you'll litterally be sitting there and he will laugh

- will start describing everything with great detail

- "the stars are like little people pointing flashlights down on us" (again me with the fucking stars someone stop me i swear)

- "do you think aliens exist?"

- "do you believe in ghosts"

- he will ask you random questions and talk about random theories he's read online

- will CREATE crazy fucking theories like where does this shit come from?

- odd man

- eventually when he gets tired of talking he'll lay down

- watch the stars (>.<) with you

- will take your hand in his and play with it

- trace patterns onto it with his fingers for example

- you on the other hand

- you'll fiddle with his bandages and watch the stars with him <3

- you'll probably listen to trippy music with him

- prepare to have a whole dance party/rave in ur apartment

- SNACKS

- late night grocery store run

- while high asf

- with dazai? amazing.

- just the 2 of u <3

- would fuck you high (might i add)

- you'll fall asleep on the couch with him probably when u get back after eating

- entangled in eachothers arms <3

- so fucking cute

fyodor doestevsky

- you'll bring up the idea to him

- and say it's a way to "relax"

- cause he works so much ugh drag him out of that room plz

- he may be smart but when it comes to substances this man is just ???

- once u explain to him what weed is and what it does

- he'll be like "why would i want to feel like that"

- tell him its fun and that its a way to relax once in a while

- he wont get it

- ugh

- anyways, after FINALLY convincing this man

- he will insist on doing it outside because "safety hazard"

- probably right outside his rat cave ;p (house)

- you'll smoke a j with him

- easiest way imo :D

- he is NOT a lightweight

- smokes half the thing before he feels anything at all

- eventually will get really fucking baked

- he will start telling you about all his plans and reciting them

- please he just needs to share it so let him talk

- will also start questioning the effects

- "why do i feel like this" "why is my hand tingling?" "is this normal"

- yes fyodor, it is

- for a man who doesnt show mUCH physical affection

- get ready to get it ALL in one night

- "do you think sex feels different like this milaya?"

- will want to try litterally everything

- he'll find it so interesting and want to do so many things

- will cuddle with you while watching something really trippy

- he will make jokes. FYODOR will actually make jokes and laugh

- weed does some crazy things to u doesnt it ;p

- eating will be fun

- he will craft an intricate meal

- it'll actually taste good cause hes a cooking god

- god in general tbh

- you'll both get tired after you eat

- will be shocked by how much easier sleep is when high

- falling asleep together <3333

- will want to do it again :D

[draco-and-tom]

heyyy could you do a bill Weasley smut alphabet? thank you love your work:)

A/N: Hello! I'm so glad that you like my writing and hope that you enjoy your special request. I love you all, make sure to eat and drink water <3

WARNINGS: Too many to list, if smut makes you uncomfortable don't read <3

REQUEST: YES/NO

A- After Care (how they act after)

After Sex Bill tends to pull the covers over you and wrap his arms around you, saying nothing but how much he loves you and how good you did…… how sweet.

B- Body Part (Their favorite parts of your/their body, sexual or not)

His-

Bill’s favorite part of his own body would have to be his hands. He loves them the most because of how you can react to the touch of them in many different ways, he knows you love it.

Yours (sexual)-

This man l o v e s your boobs with every fiber of his being and he makes sure you know it too. He loves to pepper them with kisses and love bites and you tend to catch him looking down your shirt quite often.

Yours (non-sexual)-

To him, your hips are quite beautiful. Sometimes you’ll wear an outfit that compliments your figure so well he can't help but repeat how gorgeous you look, He’ll even brag to others.

C- Cum (read at your own risk just….cum)

Bill has two favorite ways. One of them is to cum on you, he’ll swear up and down that it’s the hottest thing he’s ever seen. The other way he loves to cum is in your mouth. He likes to watch you try to swallow it, sometimes dripping from your mouth…… let's just say that makes him want more. When it comes to your cum Bill lives for it. After you fuck he tends to lick you clean until you're pushing his head away from sensitiveness, and sometimes he refuses.

D- Do’s and Dont’s (What they like and hate during)

Do’s- Bill loves when you whimper out of nowhere. Like that one time that you sat on his lap and accidentally made that noise? Yeah… that.

Dont’s- Don'ts talk about you ex during…. He doesn't know how to respond and immediately gets turned off.

E- Experience (have they done this before)

When you and Bill started dating he was experienced in some areas. He had received plenty of rushed hand jobs, and given girls help at times, but nothing as far as actual sex which made him a little nervous when you both got sexual together. After he understood that he was doing well he ended up being cocky. That little shit.

F- Favorite Positions(s) (where they like it ;))

Bill l o v e s the bicycle position. It drives him insane when he gets to watch you tighten around him.

G- Goofy (do they joke around during sex)

Bill tends to be very loving during, but sometimes he’ll joke around about how needy you are for him.

H- Hair (are they groomed)

Bill actually tends to have his pubes very well-groomed. For some reason, that's one of his favorite things to do for self-care.

I- Intimacy (are they romantic during)

Bill is most definitely more on the romantic side. He’s always whispering how beautiful you are, how you're the one he wants forever, sappy stuff like that. He likes to kiss you everywhere he can because he feels as though his words aren't good enough at describing how much he loves you. Bill does have his rough days though. Sometimes he’ll have a bad day and taking it out on you through sex, not that either of you mind, he makes sure he’s always careful.

J- Jerking off (masturbation)

Bill loves when you tease him through masturbating. When you two are alone it drives him insane to hear his name fall off of your lips, making you whine without touching you at all.

K- Kink(s) (what are they into)

Bill is big on praise and degradation, there is never a middle ground. Bill is obsessed with the marks you make on his back. He loves the feeling of your nails scraping down his back and when he sees them for the next few days he can't help but tease you about it.

L- Location (where do they have the most fun)

Bill and you always have sex in private. He wants to make sure that he’s the only one to see and hear you in such a state. The closest to public sex you and Bill have ever had was one night at the burrow in his childhood room. M- Motivation (turn-ons)

Again, Masturbation. Hearing his name falling from your lips like that is one of the hottest things he’s ever seen. Another thing that tends to get Bill horny is when you talk about things you are passionate about. He knows it sounds weird, but he loves how independent and strong you are.

N- No (something they would never do)

Public sex. Bill is up for minorly public sex, like fucking on a couch while your friends are outside, but never anything extremely public.

O- Oral (giving/receiving)

If Bill was to tell you the truth he likes eating you out more than your blowjobs, and he loves those too. Bill tends to get overwhelmed with the taste of your arousal and the rock of your hips and begins to moan against you.

This man swears that you have the best mouth he’s ever seen and felt. He always tries to look at you during, but that's quickly thrown out the window, him losing eye contact to throw his head back.

P- Pace (how fast do they go?)

Bill is very much a teaser so he tends to start slow. You always end up winning anyway, by the end he’s going pretty fast.

Q- Quickies (their opinion on quick sex)

Bill doesn’t like quickies. The only exception is either when he has a bad day or if you want it quick and rough one day. He just wants to make sure you feel loved.

R- Risk (What will they try)

He is down to try anything you ask him but tends to get nervous when he asks you about trying something new. You have to remind him that he shouldn't be embarrassed about wanting to add something new.

S- Stamina (# of rounds)

Bill can go around 5 rounds if he really wants, but most of the time you both just want to cuddle after one or two rounds.

T-Toys (do they own any)

Bill has vibrators in his nightstand drawer, ready to use if he wants to tease you.

U- Unfair (do they like teasing/being teased)

Bill loves teasing you and being teased. He’s in love with your teasing and can't get enough of the noises you make when the roles are reversed.

V- Volume (How loud they are)

The ginger tends to raise his voice slightly, but not a lot. His voice may not get very loud but you can tell how he feels by the pitch, his voice gets deep.

W- Wild Card (random headcanon)

You and Bill started dating during your 5th year at Hogwarts and had your official first time with each other. He made sure that everything was perfect. He lit candles made you a bubble bath for afterward, the whole nine yards. You knew then that you were never letting him go.

X- X-ray (size)

Bill is pretty big, but not too big. He’s pretty long and makes sure that you know it.

Y- Yearning (how often do they want you)

He gets needy at least once a month but is pretty much always down for a round if you need it.

Z- ZzZ (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

After sex, you both fall asleep really quickly, the comfort of being in the other's arms finally getting to you.

[taones]

𝐓𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐤𝐚 𝐍𝐒//𝐅𝐖 𝐀𝐥𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭

Pairing: tanka x gender neutral!reader (afab)

Note: Its 1am this probably sucks

Warnings: Smut (duh), mentions of public sex

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

tanaka is the sweetest and you cannot change my mind that he is touch starved. therefore, aftercare is the perfect opportunity for him to cuddle you and tell you how good you did or the other way round, depending on your preferred dynamics. If he's doing the aftercare, he always has a sports drink next to the bed for you and makes sure you drink it and have come down from your high before he drags you into the shower with him.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

It's his abs. Not to be predictable but they're something he worked hard on and it definitely payed off, so what if he likes seeing the look on your face when you see them?

Ryu is an ass man through and through, he matter the size his hands are all over that thing. Even when you're making out his hands are squeezing and rubbing your ass like it's his personal treasure.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He is lowkey a messy person when it comes to cum, yours or his. He likes yours all over his face and in his mouth sk he can taste you. However, he prefers his to be over your ass or the back of your thighs if he isn't allowed to come inside you (his first choice).

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He kinda likes pain. It isnt really a dirty secret cause it takes him a while to notice but he can't help but shiver and moan when you scratch your nails down his back or bite his neck to muffle your moans. Tanaka even likes pressing down on them to feel some pain when he gets off.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

I feel like he has a decent amount of experience maybe a couple of other people but he does research this kinda stuff and tries his best to adhere to any feedback you give him.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Any position he can see your ass in. Just the visual of his hips hitting your ass and it jiggling could make him come so he prefers reverse cowgirl etc. Not picky though, hes Tanaka.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

I feel like its 50/50 with Ryu. He could totally go for giggly sex and a lot of the time it is. If you start laughing about something he'll join in and he even laughs at himself a lot during it too. However, if hes super worked up then it's all about ramming you/getting rammed into the mattress and giggles can come during aftercare thanks.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He probably shaves. If it's not almost completely hairless then it's very well groomed and kept short. Couldn't care less about your body hair, he just doesn't like it on him.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

When he really gets into it, especially when hes about to finish, he gives out more and more praise. This can range from complimenting your body and making lewd comments to straight up repeating goes much he loves you. Apart from that, hes fairly romantic but not really if you get me. He'll praise you but he isnt exactly laying out verbal rose petals.

J = Jerk Off (How often, what are they thinking about, …)

Hes a horny bastard, he jerks off a lot. With your permission, he probably has some photos saved of you that he uses to get off and if not he has plenty of memories of you that he can use as inspiration.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

I firmly believe he is up to trying anything at least once. However, does have a thing for quite literally fucking you stupid. The whole eyes unfocused, drooling and unable to say anything but his name makes him hard just at the thought.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Anywhere and everywhere. Has literally no shame but hes a little possessive so, if you're doing in in public, he's making sure nobody can see you because that's his and his only to look at. This being said, he has a thing for shower sex. The way the water flows down your body makes sure that he is at least a little hard and you can't really take a shower together without it ended with probably a blow job.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

When you wear certain clothes. For example if you're wearing something tight or short he can't help but oggle a lot. God forbid you decided to wear some of his clothes or walk around in nothing but his tshirt and underwear. Tanaka really won't be able to control himself.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Like nasty degradation. He doesn't like anything that could potentially emotionally hurt you, even if you like it. Insulting you, sexual or not, will always leave him with a feeling of guilt and he just can't carry on with whatever you guys were doing

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Now, he likes getting his dick sucked cause duh. However, he lives for giving you oral. Tanaka can and will be between your legs all day if he could and this means face sitting is an amazing experience. His skills are nothing to blink at either, be can get you to be a moaning mess within seconds and he probably gets a couple of piercings just to make that experience better for you.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

With the exception of when you're upset, Tanaka is usually fast and rough. He cant help himself, sometimes you're just too hot and he always fucks you like there's no tomorrow.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He is up for anything, like I said earlier. Plus he's very easily turned on so quickies are a fairly normal thing for you guys, they're not his favourite though because he tends to prefer a lot of rounds.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Like I said before, hes up for anything once. If you want him to do it, he'll probably give it a go! Risks are a thing he's willing to take as long as you're comfortable with it.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

His stamina is no joke. Seriously, he can go for a good 3 rounds before he even starts getting tired. Most of the time, you come more times than him cause you're the main focus so he tries to limit the amount of rounds for you two.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Very basic toys like a vibrator and a pair of handcuffs for either of you. Most of your guys sex isnt actually pre planned so the handcuffs are more common than other toys but he enjoys when he gets to bring them out.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Little shit thinks it's funny to pull away to 'stretch' just when you're about to come. He is in this mainly for your pleasure but he can't help but rile you up sometimes and get you whining.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

I'd say hes relitavely loud. Loud enough that public sex isn't often but not loud enough for that many noise complaints from the neighbours. He can't help but get caught up and start spewing dirty talk in your ear between grunts and low pitched moans and your response usually increases his volume a little.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Let him leave hickey hearts on you! Seriously, he has a thing for it and likes seeing them when you get changed in front of him. It's like a weird possession thing or maybe he just thinks it's cute, who knows.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

I'd say he's slightly bigger than average in length and has a good girth for him. His dick has a few prominent veins that are sensitive.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Higher than average, definitely. Can and will have you every single night if you let him, even after a long day.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

I feel like he gets kinda hungry after sex and his aftercare is kinda long. After your shower, he probably makes a sandwich or something, eats it and comes back to bed after. Might spend a little time talking to you before he's out like a light.

Tumblr mobile likes to be annoying so sorry for any spelling mistakes! Requests are open and enjoy

[leviskitten]

𝑵𝑺𝑭𝑾 𝒂𝒍𝒑𝒉𝒂𝒃𝒆𝒕 ♡

Sugawara Koushi x reader(gn!)

Warnings: regular nsfw stuff, nothing dark tho

A/n: I love alphabets can’t you tell? Lmao. If there are any characters you want me to do alphabets for then lmk.

Original template Fluff version

♡彡 A = Aftercare : What are they like after sex?

• It depends really. I headcannon kou as a bottom leaning switch (ofc), so it depends on which role he took for the session.

If he was a sub, then he’d be very tired probably, and clingy. Would definitely whine when you leave to grab a wet cloth to clean him up, and would whine again when you get up to at least put a T-shirt on lmao. But besides that he’s very cuddly. Pet his head while he rests his head on your neck while calling him a good boy and not only he’d be a blushing mess but he’d also fall asleep with a little smile on his face 🥺

If he was a dom, then he’d probably treat you the same way he wants to be treated when he subs. Cleans you up as fast as he can so he can get in bed with you a cuddle a whole bunch 🥺🥺

♡彡 B = Body part : What’s their favorite body part of theirs? And yours?

• His favorite body part about himself is probably his chest. He likes how slim and soft it is, (and how it looks when you mark him up).

And yours, it’s probably your legs. He loves how they look when you wrap them around his waist while he fucks you, and how they almost suffocate him when you sit on his face. He could admire them for hours honestly.

♡彡 C = Cum : Anything to do with cum, basically

• He has an odd fixiation with his cum. There, I said it.

He likes cum play, wheter that is paiting any part of you with it, stuffing it deep inside you and watch it slip out, or when you overstimulate him and let it all pool on his stomach.

It turns him on tbh.

♡彡 D = Dirty secret : A dirty secret of theirs.

• He wants to have a foursome with the other third years. But not in the way you���d expect.

He wants to either let them all have their way with you and practically use you. Or he wants you to be controlling them and make them act like your little pets. No in between.

There’s just something about you being in charge of two large man and himself that just turns him on to no end.

♡彡 E = Experience : How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?

• I feel like maybe he’s had had a little bit of prior experience, but not really.

He technically knows what to do, and how to do it, but he’s never done it before. So it’ll be a little awkward at first, but he’s got the basics and he learns quick so it’s good don’t worry.

♡彡 F = Favorite position : self explanatory lol

• When he subs, doggy style. He likes to be spanked and to leave the sheets wet with his cum afterwards.

When he doms, mating press. He likes to able to see your expression as he fucks you senseless, and it also makes him able to really get in there y’know.

♡彡 G = Goofy : Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous?

• He can be both really tbh. He’ll try to take it serious most of the time, but if something funny happens he’d definitely point it out and laugh at it. It’ll probably turn into a in joke between you two afterwards.

♡彡 H = Hair : How well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes?

• He’s pretty well groomed honestly. He likes the twink vibe, so he’d probably shave over there most of the time. However the carpet does match the drapes 100%, tho it’s a little bit more blondish in there for some reason.

♡彡 I = Intimacy : How are they during the moment? The romantic aspect.

• Oh he’s a hopeless romantic, so if he’s in charge he’d 100% have his little cheesy moments without a doubt (will hold your hand while you cum).

♡彡 J = Jack off : Masturbation headcannon.

• The only way he can get off without you, is with one of his dirty secrets.

However he will call you while he’s doing it so you can give him instructions, that shit really turns him on.

♡彡 K = Kink : One or more of their kinks.

• He’s a kinky bastard so I’m not gonna go into detail with all of them but here’s a little list:

— Pegging, both degradation and praise (depending the mood), choking and spanking, spit (kinda), overstimulation and edging, b r e e d i n g, cumplay, voyeurism, biting and scratching, and sensory depravation.

♡彡 L = Location : Favorite places to do the deed.

• Probably his bed, he likes to be comfortable in the meantime yknow.

♡彡 M = Motivation : What turns them on/keep them going?

• Mainly moans and just being really vocal in general. He absolutely adores when you talk him trough it.

Also, being kinda rough. It awakens something in him lmao.

♡彡 N = No : Something they wouldn’t do/turn off’s

• There aren’t many things that he wouldn’t do tbh, he’s a pretty open person and he’s probably open to do a lot of things at least once y’know. However he can’t do public humiliation, or just very public stuff in general (like fucking in a park or something). It creeps him out a little bit, and he’ll probably be too nervous to proceed.

♡彡 O = Oral : Preference on giving/receiving, skill, etc.

• He doesn’t mind either tbh, I guess it’s really depending the mood, but he doesn’t really a preference when it comes to that.

He’s pretty skilled tho, and a very fast learner so it wouldn’t take him long to figure out what you like. And once he knows, he wouldn’t mind spending hours just eating you out and swallowing your cum over and over again <3

♡彡 P = Pace : Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc.

• He can be both to be honest, it depends on the mood and what he’s planning to do with you if u know what I mean,,,,

♡彡 Q = Quickie : Their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.

• Not a big fan of them tbh.

He’d rather spend a whole night/afternoon just going at it. However he doesn’t mind a quick blowjob or handjob (for either of you), every once in a while.

♡彡 R = Risk : Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? Etc.

• Oh he’s willing to take a few risks lmao.

He’s a very open and experimental person when it comes to sex, so don’t be a afraid to tell him anything new that you wanna try, he’ll probably say yes to everything lol.

♡彡 S = Stamina : How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last? Etc.

• If he’s subbing, he can go for hours. It’s almost as if he’s craving it (he is lmao).

If he’s domming, then he can go for a round or two, but it’s most likely for him to take a little break to check on you or just finger you for a little while.

♡彡 T = Toys : Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?

• Oh yeah he definetly does have a couple of toys. He’s most likely to buy an entire collection with his partner tbh.

He likes to use them himself and on his partner (or his partner use them on him lmao). Again, he’s very experimental, and he actually did grow a liking for vibrators and cock rings lmao.

♡彡 U = Unfair : How much do they like to tease?

• He’s a cheeky bastard. 100% will tease you to no end while you’re busy only so you can punish him later.

♡彡 V = Volume : How loud are they? What sounds they make? Etc.

• He’s l o u d. I said before that noise turns him on, so of course he’s gonna be very vocal in general.

He pants a lot, and when he’s being overstimulated he makes the sweetest whines and high pitch moans it’s just <3

Also, expect a lot of “Hmm you like it when I do that, don’t you?” “You want it? Beg for it” “Such a lovely little slut for me aren’t you?” When he’s on top.

♡彡 W = Wild card : A random headcannon for the character.

• When he’s jerking off alone, he likes to do it sitting down in front of his full length mirror in his room. Completely naked. And he does it until he cums at least twice.

♡彡 X = X-Ray : Let’s see what’s going on under those clothes.

• HE HAS SUCH A PRETTY DICK I JUST KNOW IT.

About average size and width, but it’s so pretty and perfect omg. Slightly curved upwards, and it’s pretty pale, with the tip in a soft pink (it turns more red when overstimulated oops). Also, it’s very sensitive on the head, touch it a few times with the pads of your fingers and he might cum just with that if he’s turned on enough.

♡彡 Y = Yearning : How high is their sex drive?

• It’s pretty high not gonna lie lmao.

But he keeps it undercontrol,,,, most of the time.

♡彡 Z = Zzz : How quickly do they fall asleep afterwards?

• If it’s been a long session, then probably pretty quickly (baby boy is tired ok 🥺), though he always refuses to fall asleep unless he gets to cuddle with you while you play with his hair and whisper some reassurance cuz y’know, sometimes degradation can take the best of him :(

[leejeongz]

nsfw a-z BAE JINYOUNG (CIX)

requested: yes, by anon

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

he sometimes forgets that you need to be looked after once it's all over but if you remind him, he’s gonna do whatever you need. his favourite tiny activity to do for you is putting on some fluffy slippers for you for comfort. he just thinks it’s so cute and it makes him feel relaxed too.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

he really loves your legs! the way they wrap around him and pull him in closer when your about to cum is one of his favourite moments during sex. he really likes running his fingers up and down them, knowing it drives you crazy and turns you on.

his favourite thing about him is his tongue. he knows it works wonders and that you love it, anything you love he definitely loves it too. he’s the type of guy that will lick any exposed skin just to try and turn you on, and would you look at that, it works.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

this guy doesn’t think too much about it but when he does cum, it looks so fucking pretty on you. and he tells you how pretty it looks too, vvv sincerely. it mostly happens either on your tummy or over your lips (he likes to drag is dick all over your lips while he’s cumming, hence why his aim is so good). other, rarer places include all over your face, down the back of your hand when you’ve finished him off by hand and on your inner thighs.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he wants a threesome with you and another girl SO badly but he doesn’t want you to feel jealous and he’s happy with just you anyway. he just wants the experience.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

you cannot be bae jinyoung and not be experienced… that’s all i’m saying…

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

he loves sitting you on the edge of the counter/sink so butterfly is his favourite position. you can easily wrap your legs around him in this position which is absolutely something he’s into, especially if you’re close to cumming on his dick and he gets to feel them shaking.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

v e r y serious. he’s focused and he’s in the zone, nothing can make him snap out of it. the only laughs you’re getting out of him are ones when you do something “pathetic” that makes him wanna fuck u even more.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

pretty much clean shaven, if not very neatly trimmed.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

despite being rather rough and seemingly distanced, it’s actually all very romantic. he loves being close to you and maintaining eye contact throughout.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

he tugs one out in the shower at least twice a week. something about the hot and steaminess of the shower gets him all worked up, not to mention it’s private and he can take as much time as he needs. he also uses the wall for stability and imagines fucking you against it.

something that he gets off to WHENEVER it happens (like u could catch him off guard while he’s just chilling with his friends) is phone sex. he loves hearing your heavy breathing down the phone and will drop anything for it.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

corruption- this man loves turning you into his dirty little whore, he would love to see you change from a sweet innocent girl. he’s gonna teach you things that are beyond your imagination and that soon become a regular for you two. there’s always something he can teach you, even if you think you know everything. he giggles about how attached you become to the things he’s taught you too as he’s proud of what he’s done to you. the whole reason why he degrades you is so that you know your place and that you learn to be like this just for him.

when he’s feeling less dominant (it’s rare but it does happen) he likes using the term “mommy” but if you’re not into it, he won’t say it.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

his ultimate favourite place is in bed but he also likes to fuck you in the bathroom, in the shower. he likes fucking you passionately under the sheets, where it’s hot and sweaty and dark so you can’t see much, it’s all about feeling.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

lingerie, especially sets or pieces that he’s bought you (and hasn’t torn yet). you just look so good, particularly in lace, that he cannot wait to take it off you. it drives him c r a z y knowing that you’re feeling yourself in it too, the confidence is sexy.

not only seeing you in lingerie, but also just dresses that show off your legs. he’s a real big lover of your legs and whenever you show them off, he goes wild. this is why most “fancy dates” actually eventually just turn into you and him not even making it out of the house because he’s already got his head buried between your legs.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

absolutely no non con. he would constantly be asking if everything was okay with you if you didn’t stop him and tell him it ruined the mood. NO NON CON.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

he does love receiving but he prefers giving. he prefers making you cum on his tongue and getting you soaking before he fucks you. he’s not the type of guy who won’t eat you out after he’s fucked you either, he does not care, anything to make you cum. he loops his arms around your thighs so you can’t move or pushes your torso into the the bed/back into the mirror. he kisses you after so you can taste yourself on his lips.

when receiving, eye contact is a must. if you don’t look at him, then there will be consequences, yet idk how you can’t look at him while he’s pulling your hair in such a way that forces you to look up at him.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

usually fast and rough but not without passion and love.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

not a fan. he just can’t throw himself into something like that just for the sake of it. it takes time to get you both so worked up, it’s not just something that can be done in a matter of minutes.

but if you consider phone sex a quickie (?) then sure he’s all for it

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

he’s down to take risks if you are. he’d do pretty much anything, especially if you’re into it. taking risks is something he wants to introduce to you no matter who you are or what you want, there’s always something he can do.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

2-3 rounds if you want it, he’s up for it. given that he’s giving oral more than receiving, sex seems to last a long time, but he won’t actually last that long inside you.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

oh he LOVESSSS using toys on you to tease you. like using a vibrator against your clit and telling you not to cum is something he actively looks forward to, seeing you struggle and fight against it for so long.

he also likes when you suck his dick and use a toy on yourself at the same time. like it’s getting you wet for him and he’s getting pleasure too without even lifting a finger.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

his middle name is tease lol. he loves edging you and denying your orgasms until you beg him to let you release. he also enjoys it when you tease him but that is saved for special occasions when all the roles are reversed. if he was in dom mode, you are under no circumstances allowed to tease him.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

not that bothered about having loud sex, he’s more likely going to tell you to shut up (and that your mouth is meant for sucking not for talking anyway).

he himself doesn’t make much noise, it’s more about the facial expressions that let you know when he’s having a good time.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

(ok so i decided i’m not gonna do those mini scenario things for this anymore bc they aren’t that good lmao instead i’m just gonna write stuff that doesn’t really fit anywhere else)

this guy gets real sweaty while fucking you. this is super beneficial, which you both soon learn as it helps you slip between positions. not only is it great physically, but it also makes everything more intimate and you find it’s something that actually really turns you on when it’s him. he’s gonna run his hand through his hair and droplets are gonna fall on you and you ARE gonna like it.

this man absolutely adores eye contact in the moment. it really gets him in the mood and shows you that he’s focused on you.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

you cannot convince me he isn’t packing okk? maybe he isn’t the girthiest but it’s definitely long and for some reason (idk why but go with me on this) i think he’s circumcised.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

he’s horny when you’re horny. well he’s gonna be horny whenever you want him to be really. he doesn’t want sex all the time, but if you want it it’s gonna make him want it.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

honestly 🤭 pretty much as soon as he’s cleaned up and helped you he’ll be zonked. he likes to fall asleep on your shoulder while your on your phone because he knows that’s something you do most of the time after sex.

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

out of context of course, what do you take me for? a sane person?

"they made lightning mcqueen hot"

"inch resting"

"Nix: Cars (2006) several people are typing..."

"im evaporating"

"enjoy precipitation"

"tow mater is more attractive than lightning mcqueen/hj"

"lightning mcqueen looks like he would call me a slur"

"why did I come back to a discussion regarding the attractiveness of vehicles"

"lark is the braincell of shiftblr tbh"

"you all need some grass in your life"

"me over here simping for block men and now literal cars"

"didn't nick wilde commit fraud canonically"

"i have no strong opinions on whether or not nick wilde is attractive"

"I AM AROMANTIC AND I AM NOT IMMUNE TO NICK WILDE"

"I am bisexual and I. Am not into Nick Wilde based on a simple fact he looks like he will drink all my pepsi and call me names"

"What is shiftbkr but not a bunch of simps"

"cries in Bianca Monroe"

"listen i have a folder called gayass

it is mostly pictures of kyoka jiro and virgil sanders"

"Nick Wilde x Reader where he steals your car 📷 carjacker to lovers AU 📷"

"he says "mama i like to step on keyboard""

"MY MOM JUST WALKED IN AND I HAD TO TELL HER I WAS LOOKING AT LIGHTING MC QUEEN HUMAN FANART"

"crab walks away"

""Y/N..." Nick whispered into your ear. "Your car...is a Honda Civic, right?" You looked up at Nick with a baffled expression. "Nick, my beloved? Whatever are you talking about?" "Just asking..." He said as he let you out of his embrace. "Hey, wanna see a magic trick, babe?" Your eyes sparkled. "Really, Nick? Of course!" Nick smiled. "Ok, close your eyes!" You giggled and closed your eyes, waiting for Nick to tell you to open up. Instead, you heard the loud rumble of a car starting up, and you open your eyes. Nick has stolen your car, and he has driven off into the sunset..."

"did y'all know his name used to be canonically Montgomery--he changed it to lightning mcqueen to get rid of his past"

"That is my exit number"

"cars trauma arc"

"wait do y'all know about car jesus" "as if jesus wasn't a ford focus in the bible"

"oh yall do not want to know about the trauma in my cars dr lmao"

"Dewit tau style babey make Lightning McQueen outlive everyone and stalk their reincarnations"

"Do they baptize other cars in like gasoline then"

"there is a pope car in the cars universe which means car jesus died for cars sins"

"NOT THE BOOMER MEMES"

"-lays facedown on the floor while caramelldansen plays-"

"like im serious how many of you guys endorse me falling face down on my floor" (NOT THE SAME PERSON AS PREVIOUS QUOTE)

"I will be Tall and no one can stop me"

"is a soft floor?"

"stop I thought faceplant meant like a succulent in the shape of a face instead of falling onto your noggin for a solid 10 seconds"

"Touch some grass??? What about eating grass"

"what if for every employee of the month i just printed out really horrible boomer memes"

"what ab smoking grass /j"

"Can the grassdirt smoothie be a special in the cafe"

"PLEASE IM ROLLING ON THE FLOOR REWRITINH THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE WHIKE SPEEDRUNINT MINECRAFT"

"you have to get good dirt from like the middle of a pennsylvanian forest for it to taste good though"

"I ate a four leaf clover as a kid cause i thought it would make me lucky"

"guys how do i see the mee6 leaderboard"

"I used to think i was half dragon and I ate plants out of sidewalk cracks"

"i think i punched someone"

"my parents told me to stop doing that so I looked at them and ate a flower"

"I ate grass when I was 9 bc I read warrior cats and thought I was a medicine cat ....................."

"bees are just spicy flies"

"I had a mental breakdown when I was three cause I didn’t know how to turn off a phone"

"My mom drank a bee once"

"when I was a baby I kinned ink sans."

"bro who here find the yellow hat man from curious george fine as heck 📷📷📷"

"mY LUNGSSSSSS"

"no one topping Him"

"I like em big"

"I think Moto Moto has no game like move over hunky boy I could beat you 1v1 Roblox Arsenal 📷📷📷"

"If you didnt have a crush on springtrap, jeff the killer, or Underfell/Gaster/Error sans don't talk to me /j"

"LOOK THEY'RE BOTH DILFS WITH ABS THAT WOULD FIGHT GOD"

"ZORO IS BANNED"

"Guys please help I found my old fnaf fanart from when I was 8 I'm in literal tears"

"OH NO BOT MY FIFTH GRADE HAMILTON PHASE"

"The worst attraction ive ever had has to be Sombra Overwatch"

"My family is like "save all ur art so I can sell it when you're famous" I literally could not sell this if I tried"

"screaming puppet"

"I just remembered Ive drawn overwatch/hamilton crossover fanart"

"my hermit crabs ate each other again"

"we're cannibals ????"

"having me here is a curse you have inflicted on yourselves and I for one am glad for it <3" "scitters around like a crab in anticipation"

"CARB DAY"

"WE NEED TO HAVE A WATCH OARTY"

"hey y'all ill be right back i have to throw away a crab carcass"

"if I watch cars I'm going to start laughing in the middle of it nonstop just because the word cars is funny and also cars are funny like how do you move silly little metal box with rubber circles"

"Lark asleep post catboy pitbul"

"Mwista Wowldwide! Nya!" "hermit crab 2: electric boogaloo"

"Is that why your name is chaos"

"manifest the crab power!!"

"cool dex fact: i can't read 📷"

"sighs adds to worship these entities list"

"with a knife <3"

"yeah and if he betrays me I could probably throw him across the atlantic ocean"

"give me his eyes"

"my good citizen i am a- wait no im nonbinary nvm"

"it worked on a fish idk what to tell you"

"what is gender??? Is that a board game?? If so can I be apples to apples that one's my favorite"

"CHUTES AND LADDERS"

"anyways actually my gender is Candyland"

"Oh god romes the destroyer of friendships/j"

"i am a simple gay i see math i run in the opposite direction survival instincts 101"

"math my beloathed"

"algebra makes me want to rip open a bag of swedish fish and swallow them whole"

"cackles in they're au characters and this will be very fun"

"pog !!!! me too ksajgks one of my drs is a sanders sides au"

"Is that bipper"

"tumblr sexyman"

"Good because he’ll fuck u up if u hurt a child"

"I want a wing-suit"

"looks like a bean would poison someone"

"my hermit crabs are cannibals what can i say"

"sonic the hedgehog kinnie"

"get yourself a man who is capable of the most ungodly actions but won't do them because of their morality owo"

"tell him he can steal my wallet"

"eyes"

"idk about y'all but I need blueberry sweet tea to live"

"y'know the red souls from soul eater i really want to eat those"

"but like only respectable crimes like stealing from elon musk"

"You can go cultbashing with he!"

"He acts like a flamboyant gay man, but if a flamboyant gay man was straight."

"Simp Satan 📷"

"definitely arson"

"They look like they enjoy lemon squares and other lemon desserts"

"Satan is all-powerful but he spends most of his time building honeymoon locations because he is convinced that the protag loves him"

"bc shes the reincarnation of his dead wife or something i guess"

annd here's a quote from our very own dream (@shiftingwastaken) that sums this post up:

"shiftblr but context makes it worse"

[athys-obelia]

summary: no one's evil au lmfaooo but make it pt. 2

character/s: anastacius de alger obelia, claude de alger obelia, athanasia de alger obelia, jennette de alger obelia

and here's part 1 <3

oh my god okay. okay. so.

ana, claude, athy and jennette - they go on a LOT of vacations

claude complains every single time but anastacius pulls his trump card and sends athy and jettie BOTH after him

u think he's strong enough to say no after that? lmao jokes

and their vacations always go this way:

jennette: isn't this scenery just gorgeous, uncle

claude: indeed it is. and...quiet

jennette: ...too quiet

[cut to anastacius in the distance, fighting a bear as athy cheers him on]

athy + anastacius, hands down the most chaotic pairing yes i will not be taking criticism

they have tea in ana's palace everyday, just the two of them, they're so poised and picture perfect through the entire thing everyone thinks it's just the emperor giving profound advice to his heir

it's actually them deadass scheming,,, ana has no qualms discussing everything from court gossip to military tactics, both of which she's so on top of all the time

if anyone shit talks jennette or claude, this tea party is where their slow and agonizing demise is planned out to the dot

[true story - count sivan once made the fatal mistake of expressing his favour for athy as the next empress, dissing jennette by comparing her to athy sm which inevitably sparked a debate that ranked the princesses. a week after athy's sources informed her of the kindling behind this new debate, the count's sudden divorce became the talk of the town, and the man's business faced bankruptcy all of a sudden. the sivans still haven't recovered.)

athy n jennette were actually allowed to visit kiel in arlanta a few times, except it was too dark at their first arrival, postponing the meeting to the next morning

buttt then jettie can't sleep and she decides on a midnight snack run (their hotel doesn't really have the maids the palace does, but oh well. she's left the palace w lucas n athy plenty of times)

felix tags along btw, he knows this trip is important to the girls since they're leaving the palace without their Overprotective Papas™ for the first time and want some sense of independence, but... she's just so smol n he couldn't bear it if anything happens so he just shadows her

she totally knows he's there

n e ways so there's a juice place right beside their hotel which she aims for, but when jennette reaches it, it's closed

and out of nowhere, a voice addresses her - "hey you, do you come here a lot?" she nearly jumps out of her skin at the brunette, relaxing when she sees he's literally a kid around her age and not a murderer lmfaoo "me neither," he continues without waiting for her, pouting at the closed sign, before he asks for her name and whether she's new in arlanta

she confirms that yes, she's only visiting, and refuses to tell the stranger her name, still feeling strange at being addressed as 'you' for the first time (well, minus lucas, but he was like her brother and had the emotional capacity of a teaspoon, so)

he eyes her. "you're so weird. i've never seen a girl out so late before, and alone too. are you stupid?"

(felix has his sword out at this point)

she's flushing now and has no idea why she's still out here, but then this stranger kid apparently senses her mood and tells her the best ice cream store in arlanta is not too far away

(he also explains he knows someone who's starts doing weird things when she's hungry as well, and tries to defend that ice cream is actually a healthy midnight snack, "you can just take a healthy flavour like strawberry or mango, mangos are healthy,,right"💀️💀)

so jettie has travelled all the way from obelia, she loves her papa but he would have a heart attack if he found out she was ever awake this late?? yeah bc she's never getting this chance again, jennette accepts the offer

the stranger boy seems to be taking the whole "i'm not telling you my name," thing like a joke, and asks what he should call her since 'you' was getting boring

she goes with "lady j" and like a knight, the boy becomes "sir c"

(felix is on the verge of committing a crime - the princesses can only have one knight, after all)

they walk as the the boy navigates the streets in the dark, and she asks whether he's from the academy, seeing his uniform

"of course i am! you could probably tell bc i look so smart, right?"

she snorts. "yeah, that."

she also comes to know that this guy,,,well he might as well be a tourist? she's out here asking stuff like "oh where's the statue of lady alphia?" or "aren't we really close to the museum where they keep the first emperor's sword?" and he goes "lady do i look like your brochure?? but if you turn right from here there's a cool arcade and across the street from there is the best street food vendor you'll ever eat from."

well at least mans had his priorities straight 😌

"so can you take this off?" he asks, pointing towards her dress once they've neared the store

um???????? sir tf????????????

anyways jettie has been living with lucas n her dad farr too long to not take this the wrong way?? "...no?"

the boy raises an eyebrow "look, it looks like an expensive cloak but i promise i'll return it, alright? i gotta hide my uniform."

ohhhhhhh. 😳.

so she unfastens the cloak and because he's kinda just staring at it cluelessly (he can't even tie his shoelaces fight me), jennette sighs and moves the clothing over his shoulder, fastening it in place at his neck

he's literally a tomato when she looks back up and realises that yes, we are way too close rn

bc she's ana's daughter, jennette by default cannot function when she's flustered. so she kinda stumbles backwards like a fish out of water (years of princess training n etiquette? where art thou??) and 'sir c' has to grab her forearm so she doesn't bump into the pillar behind her smfh

the shopkeep is definitely suspicious of this pair that's definitely too young to be out so late, but chalks it down to his sleeplessness

they escape the store with the ice cream before the shopkeep can ask any questions, and 'sir c' escorts jennette back to her hotel. he climbs onto the roof of the building, helping her up as well

(felix wishes he had a magic stone to capture this moment, this is the first time he's seen jennette become such fast friends with someone)

she stands on the roof (it hurts her butt so she doesn't wanna sit)

"my sister would be so jealous right now," jennette murmurs, "she told me her ideal first date would be either a picnic or something like a moonlit walk. we're having like a moonlit picnic."

it's silent for a few seconds the boy speaks up, "is this a date?"

oh-

oh.

"i mean- i didn't- i don't- uh."

give her some time lmfao she's loading

"i don't really mind that," he tells her, and she thinks she might just walk off the roof in her embarrassment - who just says something like that?? "you're probably feeling really lucky right now, right?"

jennette: ✊😔

he does look pretty in the moonlight, she admits to herself, listening as he excitedly tells her about his siblings at home and how she should send an offering to the gods since they gave her the good fortune to be on a date with the most good looking one of all four of them

in turn, she tells him about how she spent her childhood away from her amazing dad and had gotten closer to him recently, about her sharp-witted uncle, her sister and friends

(the 'friends' section includes felix and he's melting)

she smiles - it's almost as if, at finding out he treasures his family just as much as she does, they've gotten a bit closer

and he tries to listen. jennette had guessed that his temperament was somewhat like her dad's - her dad didn't know how to listen, always making his opinion known before anything else, though she supposes as emperor he could do that

'sir c', on the other hand, tried his best, his blue eyes focused on her as he almost burst from the unsaid words he was holding back, trying to let her finish. the sight was an odd mix of sad and insanely adorable that she couldn't help but let him tell her about everything he couldn't hold in

sensing she could pass out from her exhaustion nearly half an hour later, and 'sir c' escorts her to her window and helps her sneak in bc "what sort of knight would i be otherwise?!"

(felix can't stop shaking the entire night)

the next morning, jennette's heart is pounding as kiel shows her, athy and felix across campus - the chance is low, but still...

"ezekiel!" comes a voice, and the four watch as a turquoise haired boy waves down the alpheus heir "are these the guests you mentioned?"

kiel introduces the trio to johannes vastia before asking, "where's cabel?"

"at the training grounds, he asked if you could bring everyone there so he could show them around there."

"... they're my guests though?"

athy is quick to befriend johannes (i mean she and his sister are practically the same person, so) and at the grounds, jennette's blood runs cold

(so does felix's)

the brunette doesn't notice her at first, arguing with johannes about something as kiel introduces him as cabel ernst

jennette is hyperventilating?? actually back up is this girl even breathing??

cabel ernst from kiel's letters? the 'loud and obnoxious cabel ernst', who gradually turned into 'my acquaintance cabel ernst', then 'hardworking, passionate cabel ernst', and finally 'my friend cabel'?

she'd actually rather admired this slow build of respect between her friend and the ernst boy, and had even expressed her interest to meet him

"this is the first daughter of his highness prince claude de alger obelia, princess athanasia-" cabel mock salutes the princess before his mouth forms an 'o' and he remembers to bow, "-and here's the emperor's only daughter, her highness princess je-"

andddd his eyes widen comically "-hey, lady, it's you?"

yeah jettie is on the brink of literal death - her entire face reddens as this...cabel, grins at her

she watches as he glances behind her, "and you're the guy who was following us - sup?"

felix flinches "...you knew...?"

cabel shrugs. "i mean you do kinda suck ass at the whole subtle thing."

"don't say it like that," jennette retorts, "felix was trying his best."

"princess 😭😭 you knew as well?"

"uhhhh no?"

athy + kiel in a corner: 👁️👄👁️

they watch as cabel's eyes widen all of a sudden and he just,,,runs away

...🐦...🐦...🐦...

yeah well anyway he comes rushing back a few minutes later, a piece of cloth in his hand "...*huff* here *huff*...you go."

athy totally flips out "jennette is that your CLOAK???!??"

"uhhhhh no?"

"um do you realise uncle would literally wage war at this."

and as if it would make everything better,

"i washed it," cabel offers with a grin

"you didn't," the vastia heir deadpans

"i mean, johan helped a little bit."

kiel smiles murderously at the pair. "johan, did you know cabel took the princess out?"

"wait, you're a PRINCESS??"

your honour they aren't very smart

so the group orders some coffee (milk for cabel smfh) to find out what happened, cabel mentions "date" and everything goes to shit again lmfao

kiel and felix scheme against poor cabel while athy n johan get over that stage pretty quick ("listen. MY sister will be living with ME after the marriage and if your friend wants to be with her he'll have to come with us to obelia." and johan's just like "fine by me ✌️😊") and start planning the wedding

cabel + jennette dip n sneak out of the academy again to get the juice they couldn't the night before bc shit is getting awkward here

on another note, our uncle cius' musical intelligence is actually very high - he can probably play more instruments than i can name tbh, but he feels most comfortable singing and i shit you not, this man has straight up an angel's voice

(didn't like singing in front of others coz he was secretly a nerd and only knew old love songs with deep lyrics, athy found out and educated him)

jennette tends to have nightmares often, most often regarding their family - she's seen her father murder her uncle for the throne, and vice versa, athy admitting her affections towards jennette were a front to get the position of crown princess, her uncle killing her to solidify athy's claim, etc - her family is her everything, so despite however many times these horrible scenes play before her, she's left sobbing uncontrollably

and on these nights, she leaves for her father's room, who holds her close and sings her to sleep

also lucas n jennette are like sibling duo# 1,,, jettie is an active lucathy shipper even though he denies it sm - like their dynamic is just peaceful walks in the gardens as she watches the plants n lucas shi talks the nobility and kiel

claude and athy have a thing for each other's sleeping on each other? idk it's weird

athy once fell asleep on the couch while reading with him, and claude moved her head onto his lap so she wouldn't be uncomfy sitting - well, she woke up to his hand absentmindedly raking through her hair and it was just so soothing that whenever she's tired and he's working or reading, she just plops her head on his lap and zzzz

and claude wondered what was up with that, so she proposed they switch roles and he felt so awkward trying to lay down in front of her lmao

obviously athy noticed and she just started reading, thinking he might be more comfortable if her attention isn't on him completely - she ended up reading out loud while playing with his collar and he just,,,passed out

also anastacius has definitely pulled jennette aside regarding the issue of his heir at some point - she had been hesitant at first before admitting she wouldn't like to be the empress at all

i know we'd all love to see empress!jettie and her sister duchess!athy ruling the court, but i really really really can't see her wanting the title?

so thus start athy's empress lessons, but holy shit her teacher is mean

like this man makes me want to bash his face in?? so he doesn't like the idea of athy becoming empress over jennette at all, all bc of both hers and claude's mothers being commoners

he has one of those long ass sticks that you use in presentation to point at stuff?? idk but basically mans has athy name every region, its lords and their vassals during their first lesson

the first time she gets one wrong, she's too shocked as the stick meets the delicate skin of her forearm to react

now the thing is, wmmap!athy would probably stand up against this bc her dad is the emperor and she's his only heir, but i imagine with anastacius' social nature he holds many parties / balls where she's probably heard claude's mom + diana slander and it wouldn't be unreasonable for her to be self conscious abt it (now she's the emperor's heir while jennette, 100% royal + noble blood, is right there which probably makes her feel even less legitimate)

so she endures it, the light marks on her arms as well as the taunts of his she's too smart to not understand - perhaps this is the price to be accepted in jennette's place?

and honestly, no one really notices until at breakfast a few weeks in, where jennette mentions how her dresses are still so modest when sleeveless dresses were more in fashion - ana is suspicious because athy is always on top of these things, societal trends and such, and claude is sus from the way she hesitates slightly in her answer, "i haven't had the time lately, i suppose"

the lesson after focuses on ettiquete since everyone knows she's good at politics and such already, but now tears of frustration are pooling in her eyes because what the hell?? this guy had made an opinion of her long before he even met her, so anything she did would be wrong in his eyes

he gives her a sinister smile, "tired, princess?"

"no," she insists, keeping her voice level. he's about to spout some other nonsense, when anastacius enters the room, taking a seat across from her

anastacius watches quietly as athy answers the teacher's questions in her "public" voice. he watches as her usually cheery disposition is replaced by something far more...dead, despite the front she puts on for him. he's soundless as she hesitates in her answers where she normally would've been louder, more confident. he stops watching in silence when his niece flinches at the sight of the stick

oh.

he interrupts her lesson, not missing the way she winces almost imperceptibly when he grabs ahold of her arm, announcing, "we're going."

he just- it's just that that was the moment he knew for sure - the sight of his niece emotionally disheveled for the first time reminds him too much of how his own brother had once been, and he'd... he'd promised he wouldn't let anyone hurt his family anymore

he ends up taking her to the port with some of his advisors to welcome some royal guests, insisting that she would learn better from experience rather than books - but the guest delegation gets so boring that he sneaks her out of the meeting n they end up in the streets

now athy has no idea where they are, but apparently her uncle does?? ana has his hand on her head as he navigates the streets of the capitol as if he comes here everyday, using magic to casually disguise the two of them

in the meantime?

felix is at the port trying to cover for them smfh, he makes up this huge story about how the great wise emperor wanted to familiarize his heir with the locals, understand her subjects, yada yada

back at the palace prince claude is currently dragging a man by his collar and only upon jennette's insistence does he throw him in prison rather than literally kill him

(jettie visits him later in prison to give the guy a piece of her mind, after felix's visit he's sporting a few noticable bruises and the prisoner is practically unrecognizable once lucas visits)

back to athy + ana, they end up stuffing themselves with some super good street food as anastacius confesses that yes, he has definitely been sneaking out of the palace ever since he was a lil kid

athy almost mentions that she, lucas n jettie sneak out too but that might give him a heart attack, so

"it's so pretty, uncle cius," she says, gesturing towards the necklace he holds up. once he's paid for it, anastacius fists the necklace, opening it to reveal the jewel pendant - now imbued with his magic and replaced with gold lettering of the word athanasia

and she realises that yes, that's what both him and her dad have called her all her life, haven't they?

"you're my heir, athanasia," he uncle tells her with a small smile, "i am proud of that."

getting teary, she tells him, "i'm really proud of you too, uncle cius," triggering a very flustered + blushy anastacius

this mans craves validation - not from the sycophantic nobility, or the obsequious concubines he'd dismissed all those years ago, but from the family he thought he'd neither have nor deserve

and just the acknowledgement is so large for athy - he wants her as his heir, not because she's his niece, but bc he trusts her to look after his hard work after him??? - yeah she's totally bawling her eyes out

anastacius magics her a handkerchief but my mans magic isn't that strong?? lmao he's used up so much by now that the 'handkerchief' turns out to be some scratchy tissues

awkward amirite

nope! athy laughs at that, offering him a sip of her drink as she magics another straw and a proper handkerchief lmfaoo

n e ways so when they return, everyone's shocked to learn that the crown heir, princess athanasia will actually be joining the official circles as anastacius' temporary aid - he doesn't wanna entrust her to anyone but family, and decides that the best way to learn is by his side

(she's so confused bc lucas doesn't normally bat an eyelash when she wears the prettiest gowns, but he deadass can't look her in the eyes when she's in her aid uniform - it's more like a suit than it is a dress)

yes lucas women in suits >>>>>

everyone is STUNNED when at dinner, claude proposes they leave on vacation??

anastacius is just not having it?? like no, this is not my brother, and he throws a grape at claude to check if it's a clone or sum (¿¿how does that work??)

anyays so he ain't no felix, ana's aim is ass and it hits jettie instead

mans nearly gets on his knees to apologise

long story short everyone preps for vacation, but by some aCCiDeNt claude n athy end up at a different destination than jettie n ana, when she suggests returning to the palace to regroup, mans deadass sulks

"so you wouldn't like to spend this time with your father, despite barely visiting my office for weeks?"

o-oh

so at their return, the nobility starts pestering everyone that the princesses aren't independent enough, yada yada idc so to quell this annoyance, to the girls' joy, they get to move into emerald palace together, while claude and ana stay in the ruby and main palaces respectively

literally emerald palace becomes such a cool place to be in since it's the residence of the only decent people in this family, the brothers spend hours going through the requests of maids who want to be transferred

it's such a busy time because of athy joining the court and jettie starting her studies as well - naturally, since she isn't becoming empress, she'll be getting the duchy claude + athy were to be given in the beginning

speaking of futures, jettie's interest in plants and cooking has definitely branched out into herbs

claude notices her tending to a small garden during his visit to athy and even gives her a few tips (he had been studying medical since he was a kid, and picked it up again when athy was born and the empire stablised somewhat)

this soon becomes a routinely thing, and he actually starts reading up on some herbs and even orders a few for her prospering garden

after a month of her learning from books, claude proposes adding a medic as one of her teachers, and turns out his hunch was right?? she's excelling at medicine and they keep it between themselves for the time being

it doesn't last long though, bc they're on a hunting trip when ana injures his leg

and !! this girl istg, she gets to cleaning and wrapping the wound without blinking an eye, as if it's the most natural thing ever, and claude is just smirking while athy and anastacius and literally everyone else: 🌟💞✨jettie✨💞🌟

literal tears coming out of anastacius' eyes "how come my daughter is smarter than me😭💅"

claude: that's not a very high standard, brother

anastacius: ✨suddenly i'm an only child✨

behold, the people in charge of running an empire everyone 👏👏👏

even though jennette is claude's (unofficial) student and athy is her uncle's heir, they both ask their dads to the debutante

yes athy does dance with lucas, anastacius sent him an invitation even though he wasn't a noble (he's an active match maker 😌) and nobody dared question the emperor's special guest

at the end of the night, kiel gives jettie a letter from arlanta - it's an invitation to the academy during holidays, from a certain brunette

when she brings up the subject, felix lets out a squeak and literally everyone goes silent 😭😭

athy n kiel are just out here DARING him to spill them beans

but anastacius takes on look at his excited lil kid and decides that yups, she's going to get everything she wants

a/n: i literally don't know how many parts this should have lmaoo but y'all made it this far!! thanks for reading i hope you liked it<3

[tsukkisbean]

haikyuu nsfw alphabet series | tendō satori

please block #claras steamys if you don’t want to see this type of content!!

warnings: sexual themes, mentions of (unprotected) sex, voyuerism, bondage, edging,  fem!reader

a/n:  based on post time skip!! okay i don’t talk a lot about tendō so it was super fun to analyze him and bring my headcanons to life bc he’s definitely a hard hard dom!! this is also unedited pls excuse any unfinished sentences or mistakes

return to nsfw alphabet series masterlist

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

i think tendō would be surprisingly big on aftercare. given how he acts in the bedroom (detailed later) he makes sure that you are well taken care of after a long session together. like he’ll grab some water and a towel and help you get cleaned up and comfortable. maybe in the morning he’ll have a super simple breakfast ready like a toast and coffee or tea or maybe even some chocolate depending on the time of day

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

his favourite body part of his is 100000% his fingers. his hands are large, fingers long and skinny and he absolutely loves the way they look shoved down into your pretty mouth, around your throat, or fingering your wet cunt.

he absolutely loves your mouth (detailed more below!!)

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

so based on the above tendō loves when you’re sitting on your knees, waiting for him to cum in your mouth. there’s just something about the way you look with his cum painted all over your tongue. and it drives him especially crazy when you lick your lips to clean up the drops that are spilling down the corner of your mouth because you don’t want to waste a single drop

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

honestly? i don’t think he has any, mainly because he’s not afraid to be open with you. he strikes me as the type with absolutely no filter and so he’s going to tell you everything and anything on his mind whether it’s a random dirty thought or something new that he wants to try with you

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

i’m a little on the fence about this mainly because tendō has a personality that people need time to get used to and understand. so that being said, i don’t think he has a lot of experience, BUT he knows what he’s doing (from watching a lot of porn probably)

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

you’re on your back, legs spread out wide, his hands wrapped around your ankles, holding your legs in the air while he fucks you

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

not goofy, but i wanna say he’s more playful. he likes to talk dirty, and say things he knows will make you embarrassed. loves the expression when you’re lost for words but also clearly turned on!!

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

not groomed whatsoever like i cannot see him giving a crap about what he looks like down there

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

honestly i think he gets so into the whole sex aspect that he completely forgets about being romantic for the most part. he’ll do things like praise you, and maybe a kiss or two here or there but most of it will just be him focusing on fucking you and help you reach your high

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

he knows that you know and you know that he knows, yet you don’t move from your spot hiding spot. you didn’t intend for this to happen; all you wanted was to surprise tendō by finally coming home early for once. you peer through the crack in the door, reveling at the way your boyfriend looked with his eyes shut, head thrown back, and those beautiful fingers wrapped around the base of his cock. it feels weird to be spying on your boyfriend, someone you were regularly intimate with, yet you can’t seem to tear your eyes away.  you don’t realize, but your mouth hangs open, drool dribbling down your chin.

the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end as your boyfriend’s voice cuts through the silence in the air, “are you going to just sit there like a dirty slut and me jack off or are you going to come suck my dick?”

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

tendō enjoyed seeing the look of defeat on his opponents faces when he played volleyball and i think that translates into the bedroom. he’s the type that loves to see his partner struggle (i would say he’s pretty much a sadist) and so i can think of A LOT of things he’d be into but i’m going to just keep it to top 3. 

1. bondage: loves to tie you up, your hands completely bound, eyes covered with a blindfold so you can’t move in any way. the power he feels just seeing you struggle, the way your face contorts in frustration because your arms are bound and your vision is temporarily taken away is immense

2. exhibitionism: absolutely LOVES the thrill of the two you possibly getting caught will having sex; the expression of the unsuspecting person.he gets especially excited at the way you clench around him because you’re nervous someone will spot you even though you’re okay with the exhibitionism

3. edging: favourite way to do this is first by eating you out. as soon as he feels your thighs about to quiver, he’ll pull away. next, he’ll pump his fingers in and out of your drenched cunt, fingers curling every so often. when he he feels you clench around his fingers, he’ll stop again. to top it off, he’ll fuck into you, slamming his hips against yours but at a painstakingly slow pace. loves the way you beg and cry for him to let you cum.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

the balcony of your apartment!! checks off all his boxes. it’s accessible and there’s the possibility of getting caught

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

dirty talk!!! if you want to get him all riled, tell him all the things you want him to do. better yet, tell him all the things you want to do him and you guys will be in the bedroom in no time

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

i can’t think of a single thing. i think tendō is one of the most open to experimenting when it comes to sex and he won’t really know he doesn’t like it until he actually tries it

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

this might come as a surprise to some, but i think he prefers to oral. the man is skilled with his tongue. he loves the way you squirm in his grasp, needy for more, but refuses to give it to you just because it’s fun to him

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

fast and rough; he likes to build up the momentum and right when you’re about to cum he’ll stop. continues that pattern until you’re reduced to a blabbering mess

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

not a fan because he prefers to draw out each time with you as long as he can. will only do it if he’s super desperate and he knows you guys can’t wait for the right moment

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

this man is down to do everything and anything that you want. he probably has a long list of things he wants to try with you and it grow every single day.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

can accomplish anything he puts his mind to so i would say his stamina is pretty high. he could probably go for at least 3 rounds, each lasting around 30-45 minutes (including foreplay)

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

lots of different toys for the both of you to use on each other!!

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

given his kinks tendō is the biggest tease but he’s not cruel; over time he’s learned your limits and will push you just until you’re a quivering, crying mess  because he knows you can take it

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

not super loud, but he’s extremely vocal in the sense that he likes whispering dirty things and praises in your ear (with the occasional grunt or moan in-between) cause he knows it makes your skin crawl.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

at a time when the entire city should be asleep, there you stand on the balcony of your shared apartment with your boyfriend. one hand grasps the railing in front of you, the other presses firmly against your mouth. the feeling of your boyfriend’s lips merely ghosting against the nape of your neck is enough to send electric currents up your spine, “kitten, why are you so shy today?” 

in one swift movement, both your arms are pinned against your back, your chest meeting the frosty glass of the balcony. his thrusts are long and deep, and with each one it becomes harder and harder to hold back your pathetic cries.

at a time when the entire city should be asleep, there you stand with your boyfriend for anyone to watch as they please.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

longer than average, average girth and a slight curve to the right

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

h i g h. mainly cause he randomly thinks of something new that he wants to try with you and can’t calm down until it happens

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

honestly he probably falls asleep while cuddling you almost instantly after you guys are done

[sinkix]

Haikyuu!!│Boys going grocery shopping w/ you! HC’s│Ft. Bokuto, Nishinoya, Terushima, Kuroo & Kunimi

I had this late night idea and just HAD to follow through, the chaos would be O F F T H E C H A R T S. Thank you to @deathcab4daddy​ for helping me brainstorm some good characters for this post lmao I love you bby and can’t wait to do a collab. <3

E N J O Y ~ 

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

BOKUTO:

WHEN I TELL YOU THIS BOI PICKS UP EVERYTHING IN SIGHT LIKE A 6 YEAR OLD

 I FUCKING MEAN IT.

“(Y/N) we need this” 

“Bokuto we do not need a 7th jar of peanut butter.”

 “But (Y/N) it has a squirrel on the front-”

“BOKUTO I SWEAR TO GOD”

Tries to drift on the edge of the cart like something straight outta CSGO and the cart nearly obliterates under his weight.

V e r y l o u d u n e c c e s s a r i l y.

Everyone always stares at y’all when you’re going through the isles bc ur literally escorting a man-child sprawled in a shopping cart who’s going “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” at everything he sees like he’s a toddler at the zoo who’s never encountered a chimpanzee before.

Unless you have a bottomless bank account do NOT take him shopping of any kind he is LETHAL.

When you’re at the check-out he turns it into a basketball competition and tries to launch everything perfectly on to the conveyor belt.

Volleyball player? Nah this sis with the NBA now.

Do not ask him to go get something, he will return with at least 9 items you didn’t need and everything BUT the item you requested

He turned up with a whole ass pineapple, a jar of jam, a stick of butter and a bottle of olive oil.

Like,,,where is the correlation in those items???

Once made the mistake of asking him to grab some pads from the hygiene section and specified it HAD to be with wings

Boy showed up ten minutes later and looking very confuzzled.

You questioned why he has a pack of wingless pads in one hand and a can of red bull in the other.

He said it’s because they didn’t have any with wings so he figured the Redbull would suffice and do the job for you.

i-

NISHINOYA:

Can literally fit him in the little cart seat made for kids and he LOVES it lmaoooo IT’S SO CUTE MY HEART.

HE JUST SWINGS HIS LEGS EXCITABLY WHILE YOUR GETTING STUFF AAAAAAA

Ppl give you such weird looks though bc you have a guy who’s at least 14 years older than the intended demographic sitting there and raising his hands in elation over you copping a cookie dough pie and chucking it in.

Again, another who is VERY LOUD FOR NO REASON AT ALL.

Get’s out of the cart after a while bc his legs be growing numb and begins roaming around.

Someone came back with a feral Noya in hand stating “Is this your child” WNDKJWEFNWJEF.

M’AM HE’S LIKE 18 EXCUSE YOU.

Was salty about it for the rest of the day.

Just ruffle his hair and call him Senpai 

Problem solved.

Picks up tons of exotic fruit that look more like plastic or fuzzy poisonous plants and begs you to get them.

“Noya what the fuck is that.”

“...a Pitaya.”

“...”

“Can we get it-”

“no.”

“(Y/N)-”

“I SAID NO DAMMIT”

Last time you bought some strange fruit he took it to practise and got Tanaka to spike it LMAOOO

IT SPLATTERED E V E R Y W H E R E

AND OVER DAICHI’S SHIRT.

He begged you to no longer allow Noya to purchase weird fruits from then on since he is like a child with a nerf gun.

He once picked up a phat wrinkly purple fruit and turned to you asking if it was an overgrown raisin.

“Noya sweetie that’s a Date.”

HE FULLY TSK’ED AND THREW IT BACK SINCE IT REMINDED HIM OF DATE TECH I CAN’T.

My boy out here defending Asahi even in the Grocery Isles.

We stan a loyal king.

TERUSHIMA:

Another one who tries to stand on the ledge and the cart wheels almost collapse because it wasn’t designed to hold the weight of a young adult.

Oh young adult??? Sorry I mean’t MAN CHILD.

He treats a shopping experience as a time to practise his aim apparently because he ALWAYS THROWS SHIT AT YOU TO THE POINT YOU’RE THREATENED TO BE KICKED OUT.

Definitely picks up phallic looking objects and places them against his crotch, snorting and saying “Like what you see (Y/N)?”

Homeboy is stood there in front of a wife and child presenting his cucumber appendage for the world to see.

He once grabbed a pair of fat ass melons and pressed them against his chest, shaking them and belting the lyrics to ‘My Milkshake’ while begging you to SQUEEZE HIS MELONS.

“Look (Y/N) they’re bigger than yours!”

I just- 

I give up.

Constantly tries to sneak mutli-packs of energy drinks into the cart to the point you’re convinced he is going to keel over from heart failure and kidney stones by the age of 20.

Has his airpods in 90% of the time and treats the isles as his personal dance floor.

He busting them MOVES and performing the MJ moonwalk while in the dairy section.

ONCE HE SLID TOO FAST AND SLIPPED ON HIS REAR IN FRONT OF LIKE 12 PEOPLE LMAOO

He was DEAD silent the rest of the trip.

Probably the most serene shopping experience you’ve had to date.

The checkout clerks occasionally hit on Mr. Sore-Ass over here.

Until he opens his mouth and they realise he’s a total dolt and question how you have the patience for him.

You don’t know either honestly.

The whole bagging experience is spent with them shooting you sympathetic glances as if to say ‘sis you shoulda’ left him at home’.

Yes, yes you should have.

Never a dull moment with Teru as your shopping partner.

KUROO:

LITERALLY LIKE A MIDDLE-AGED MAN OR A TODDLER WHEN Y’ALL GO SHOPPING THERE IS NEVER AN EVEN MIDDLE-GROUND.

Frequently cracks lame-ass food puns or dad jokes that make you want to crawl into a hole and die.

You have competitions on who can come up with the most and the loser always faces a penalty.

Kuroo and creating penalties do NOT mix safely so you better hope you win.

“I love you a waffle lot.” 

Proceeds to hold up a wrapped waffle.

Ok that one was kinda cute you’ll let it slide.

“I ap-peach-iate you Kuroo.”

Cue HyenaLaugh.mp3

“Want a pizza me baby? Bitch peas, doughnut take me lightly.”

You changed your mind.

You didn’t talk to him the duration of that shopping experience, no penalty could be as horrifying as what just came out of his mouth.

“(Y/N)... sometimes I feel like you don’t carrot all.”

You slapped him with said carrot and obviously had to pay for it after.

You forced him to eat it raw.

He is the definition of Neutral disaster when you go shopping.

Shitty food puns aside, he is actually very responsible when making sure you both get what you need.

Not without tons of poking, prodding, and blowing into your ear while you’re trying to decide what ingredients to buy for dinner.

You contemplated serving him a plate of bubbling snot and moulded broccoli seasoned with rosemary.

Bone apple teeth, bitch.

Ofc you didn’t because he always pulls out the puppy eyes and cuddles card after since he knows he’s well and truly rattled your patience lmao.

Actually picks really healthy food options?? Being the captain of a team he has the responsibility of keeping his health in top condition and leading by example so at least he knows the right ingredients to make a bomb-ass and nutritious meal ig.

Y’all always bicker and tease each other at the checkout which is usually great amusement for the clerk serving you as they often smirk and perceive you as an old married couple.

Which tbh you kinda are, it feels like it at least.

Still such a big asshole though lmao you never leave the store without your sanity being scathed.

KUNIMI:

Honestly just wanted an excuse to make jokes at the expense of the Aoba Johsai teammates.

and what better candidate for cracking these than Kunimi.

He’s a very chill partner to have tag along with you on your endeavours.

Not without some grumbling and groaning on his part though, lazy bitch.

You always finish shopping trips with a busted lung at how much you have been laughing though with some of the SHADY ASS REMARKS HE MAKES ABOUT THE OTHER TEAM MATES.

You were outside the store when you both spotted an angry looking Doberman tied to a nearby post.

“Smh who let Kyotani outside again.”

You hadn’t even set foot in the store yet and he was already spitting flaming insults.

[Walking up to the automatic double doors]

“Damn Oikawa move out of my way.”

Oikawa just tryna live and he keeps getting roasted for his flat cheeks 

#StopOikawaAssShaming

Ten minutes of scouring the store later he picks up a spikey Kiwano and compares it to Iwaizumi’s hair.

Proceeds to beg you not to tell my boy Iwa because he KNOWS he will get decked to the gym floor.

Passers by often wonder why you’re wheezing and producing noises like a boiling kettle.

When I tell you no one is safe, I mean N O O N E.

“These Yule logs really out here looking like Matsukawa’s brows.”

The finisher was when Kunimi picked up a turnip and said 

“Huh, kinda looks like Kindaichi.”

I just-

He could roast a whole chicken in minutes from the burn of these comments I stg.

You can now never look at the Seijou team without various foods or inanimate objects plaguing your thoughts.

Thanks, Kunimi.