#...ugh i'm just finding reasons to make myself upset aren't i

[falmerbrook]

Going through the wiki pages and in-game books for all the critters for the phylogeny thing, I've tried not to fall into the "ugh eso lore sucks it shouldn't be canon" vibe, because there's really no reason to feel that way about the stuff added to or presented in the game, but I keep finding myself irritated by eso's creature lore. Despite the fact that I love the environments of the game (so far). And I think I've boiled it down to a few reasons after some reflection:

They tend to put the same creature in multiple provinces, which is fine because obviously that happens (some species are generalists that can be anywhere, species aren't going to respect arbitrary man-made borders, etc.) but is kinda lame when it comes to species that really feel like they should otherwise be unique to a place or when they put the same species in very different environments on opposite sides of the continent. (Please keep morrowind creatures in morrowind only, I'm begging you zos). I can't be too upset about it because I get that it's a symptom of game design that I don't want to fault the game designers for just because it cheapens things for me personally, but I do find it kinda lame, to be frank. I also don't really know whether to include the eso ranges of species or go with my own ideas for them.

Some of the pet and mount variations make it so there's like, 20 versions of one clade of animal (e.g. horses, dogs, wolves, cervids, etc.) but we know nothing about them as actual animals outside of a little blurb. While the blurb usually indicates something about their evolutionary history or natural history (which is nice), I'm still kinda hesitant to include them because once again they feel like they sort of cheapen things. Some of them are also those colorful mmo shlock too, which I personally think don't fit tes's aesthetic very well. But I also don't want to pick and chose which ones I include. So I'm not sure how to approach those. Right now my policy on it is to not include mounts/pets unless they also show up somewhere else.

[littlemoondarling]

Some morning vents, ignore me

I feel like... no matter what I do it will never be enough, I sleep early, I wake up in the middle of the night and get insomnia, I sleep a little later, I wake up later in the night and get insomnia.

And my mom gets mad at me for not sleeping at night and spending the whole day sleeping/exhausted, and I get it, i swear i do, she wants what's best for me but I tried everything. I tried waking up early, taking a very large dose of sleeping pills, not using the phone, trying to force myself back to sleep, etc etc, nothing fucking works.

This isn't just about sleep btw, it extends to literally everything else, I pray on time, fast, read Qur'an, watch their self help videos, still my aunt says I'm not trying to help myself, and my mom says it too, just a bit kinder.

I got a job, worked my ass off, tried to be as polite and patient as humanely possible with a boss that would drive jesus himself insane, I went there even before the day the doctor reccomended after healing from surgery, I got there either on time or earlier and I was still fired. No reason given.

I try so fucking hard to fight the urges to self harm, to work through my addiction and what do I get? Blamed by mom for even thinking about it. Ugh it even makes me feel bad, whenever I don't end up hurting myself I feel so fucking pathetic, like yea there goes the liar, if they really were that depressed they would've actually done it. UGH.

I try to be funny, to make them laugh, to engage in their silly conversations that I find no interest in, to be physically affectionate despite how much I hate it, to be considered, to be a peacemaker, to follow what they say, to fucking open up, but it's never enough, never, there's always more to do, more to do now, I tell them I'm feeling bad and they ask me why, I tell them that I don't know and they accuse me of lying. I'm literally diagnosed with MDD I have anxiety, my meds aren't doing shit, idk how to tell you but sometimes I feel bad for no reason or without knowing the reason.

I... I'm tired. Sometimes all I want to do is give up. To just not better myself and stay in bed until I rot and become one with it. But I love them too much. My mother mainly. I can't bear seeing her upset knowing I could have done something to prevent it. But no matter what I do she ends up upset anyway. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I genuinely do. And these attacks, this looming war. It's... it's certainly not helping. I have no one to go to. No one to talk to. I know I have friends here, and I know they will listen if I ask them to, but I'm always feeling bad, always in this disgusting mood, I fear always talking about it would erode our friendship. Ugh. I want .... I want to be gone... for a while. Just a little while..

[ddejavvu]

(the anon is me) Honestly, when I saw the discussion, I HAD TO JOIN sjsjsj so tyty

I get that- honestly, the only reason I got into kpop was because my cousin forced me at first because I was obsessed with Motionless In White and she wouldn't let me come over until I learned everything about BTS so I had to put that obsession on pause for BTS . So, I did and learned I actually did like their music so far! I mean, I'd prefer to have found them on my own but I mean, at least I get to say I was there from the "beginning" sjsjsj (not saying that being there since the beginning is more important or anything, it's just nice to find people surprised when I tell them.). but honestly, happy for you that you found your ults <33 and SAME, love them <33 I just got into Monsta X so please, anything you'd like to share, I'd love to hear???

LITERALLY WHAT I'M SAYING. Some people in fandoms become so toxic, even to others in the fandoms. How about the fans that believe you aren't fans unless you can remember every members birth-date, blood type, place of origin, etc. LIKE I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY OWNNNN. I get wanting to know about them because they're your idol or whatever your reason may be but you don't gotta hassle others about it, others aren't obligated to know such information and plus, some are multi stans, such as myself, and literally can't harbor ALL that knowledge. We are NOT spencer reid sjsjsj- NGL twitter stans scare me sometimes but some are absolutely lovely. But I still keep my distance like you do, better safe than sorry. But the tiktok edits are always something else LMAO the amount I've seen posting the funniest shit ever of the idols really make my day. (I will now send you some when I see them, if you're cool with that-) and I block people who do fanwar stuff. I just think everyone has their own taste and if you don't like anothers, you don't have to say anything, just leave it alone and block the person if it bothers you so much.

SOWJOIJSOIJ stahop you're literally so sweet, thank you <333 I barely meet any metalhead kpop stans T-T to be honest, when i see other metalhead pages, most of the time in their DNI is just Kpop stans and I'm literally making the ಠ_ಠ face cause dude, why so mad?

YOU'RE SO REAL FOR THAT sjsjsjs Honestly, I saw Hobi and was like, yes. HIM. and to see how far they've come WARMS my heart. But the enlistment always got me on my toes.

LMFAOO my bsf showed me chewing gum by nct dream and shine by pentagon and i was hooked.. but yes i definitely know what you mean!! ugh yes mx is so so so good i really recommend their series that they did called 'puppy days' (?) it's just them hanging out with puppies for the day and they literally have to nap halfway through the day bc they're so tired LMFAOO - it's so cute!! that's my favorite piece of mx media hehe

don't get me started on fans that gatekeep FROM OTHER FANS.. i'm really really bad at remembering dates so like kim mingyu my love!! i'm sorry but i don't have enough space in my brain to remember your birthday and my mom's birthday, and only my mom will be upset if i don't </3 you literally won't know </3 i always see their posts about it and silently wish them a happy birthday but like i do not always remember and that is okay!! ugh or people that scold you for not streaming mvs.. babe i have a big girl job and i go to big girl school i do not have time to stream an mv!! i am going to listen to the song if i like the song.

i think a big component of internet drama like that is age/maturity.. i'm not saying that every young person is immature and every older person is mature but like,, even just looking at my 15 year old self is so different in terms of maturity and i would have totally engaged in stupid pointless fanwars just to be right on the internet.. now i don't even fight with people on the internet for good reason lmfao i just block and scroll and it's SO BENEFICIAL to my life

not the dni... people get so creative with those omg i feel like mine is just generic lmfao - it astounds me to see some of them!! i don't necessarily think it's a bad thing, they're just curating their online experience like they're supposed to, but it is interesting to see everyone's preferences laid out in the open like that bc i'm not used to it

YES i love bias-at-first-sight <3 aw yeah i know that's coming up soon!! i wish you the best <3

[bpd-angelcake]

guess who's back 🙃

tw: lots of ed mention

hi lol where do I even begin first off like... lmao every time I come back on this blog I think of that one ask that I got that was like "do u come back on here when things are bad??" and no lmao not always

life hasn't been bad it's just been busy im always busy i work a full time job and my social life has been the busiest it's ever been and im thankful because I love my irl friends so much and I do love my job as annoying as it can be and idk things aren't bad. they're not.

but I know my mental health hasn't been the best lately and I can't even blame my bpd. I had a really bad episode at the beginning of February and I tried pushing all my friends away because I thought they were over me and didn't take me seriously and they all came back to me literally crying wondering what was wrong and I felt so shitty and they don't know I have bpd (I don't talk about it in person unless we're going to date because I hate when people perceive me a certain way once they find out I'm not normal lmao) so we had to get in a circle and talk it out it was so rough but honestly I have never felt more secure in a friend group before in my life it makes me so sick thinking about it because idk what I'd do if anything were to change but whatever.

but idk I was doing so good with myself I was on top of my skincare and keeping my room clean and following through with things and idk everything just fell through the cracks and I feel like I have no control over anything in my life once more. I'm trying so hard to be better but it's hard. I just started saving money again because I spent so much of it the past few months and I'm so disappointed with how bad my spending got and it wasn't even for a good reason lol so I am trying I promise but ugh I feel like I was up there!! and I'm back at rock bottom.

Another thing that's been bugging me a lot is my weight too... back in 2020 I was so thin and I looked good and I had done it the right way by dieting and exercising but covid came and I got into that toxic relationship and I gained so much weight back and I look in the mirror and I am so disgusted with myself and I hate it. I see all these cute plus size girls on social media and I literally love them and think they're so beautiful but I look at myself and I can't even deal. I have to be a bridesmaid for a wedding in October and im dreading it because I'm going to look so bad....

I ordered a cosplay a few months ago and it came a week ago and it didn't even fit 🙃 I almost had a full mental breakdown about it and tbh I am 90% sure it ran small (not cutting myself slack because I know I'm fat but I also know how to measure clothes) but it made me so upset I literally relapsed and I've barely eaten this whole week. I tried to eat a spoonful of rice because I was so lightheaded the second it touched my mouth I threw it up.

And now I feel so fucking lame because I'll go on edtwt and see these girls posting their stuff and they're all in their teens and it's like.... I'm in my 20's dude I shouldn't be doing this shit anymore but I do and I hate it because it's all I know and it's so comforting because I'm literally a professional at it like I know all the tips and tricks I know what to do when I accidentally binge I know how to curb cravings and what excuses to say when I don't want to eat in front of people it's so sad because I thought I was over this but I guess not.

I haven't weighed myself yet, I was going to do it tomorrow but ugh all I need is to see that number go down or else I might kill myself because I can't do this anymore!!!! this is my life I feel like I'm 14 again in the worse way. IDK I might start posting more about it (with tags ofc) so if that's not your thing I understand but it's all I have to make me feel better and I'm not looking for advice I'm not looking for tips I just want to vent and if you're going to judge me do it kindly please lmao bye

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

Hrrrng my friend sent this tiktok she must've thought I'd find funny and it boils down to a bi person making fun of their attraction to men implying its somehow worse than experiencing attraction to women blah blah and like... I'm having a hard time finding the words to explain to my friend that I don't relate to that, it's not funny, and I don't want to be shown videos like that. I'm surprised by how upset I am actually, I knew stuff like that was trendy but I avoid it so being sent it directly and unknowingly watching it, I'm just, not happy. I don't know, I know I need to tell her because I do not want to keep getting sent stuff like that, I know she'll respect that, I just don't know how to say it without sounding really angry. Cause like, I am angry. I'm not ashamed of any facet of my attraction.

I do feel weirdly ashamed of myself though, this feels like I brought this on myself, I tend to talk about my attraction to women more than what I feel for men but the reasons for that are complicated (gender stuff, I wouldn't even know where to start). I hate that people interpret that as "oh you must not actually like men then". I do like men. I absolutely like men! I wouldn't say I like men if I didn't!!! This is more venting than a question at this point, that's my bad. But any encouragement given is appreciated. I know I gotta just tell her. Ugh.

God, I'm so sorry you had to see that. I absolutely hate this type of narrative about bisexuality. It's definitely some kind of weird mix of internalised biphobia with a little dash of radfem rhetoric. Some bi women seem to think they are only valid sapphics if they scold themselves for liking men. That makes me feel sorry for them but also often angry that they don't see how shitty it is to reproduce that (while disguising it as a funny meme). They are doing a huge disservice to the bi community by keeping this narrative going. So many young bisexuals are seeing this and think that's the way that bisexuality works but that's neither true nor helpful.

I think you've already stated pretty clearly here why you don't want to see that kinda content. Maybe this post has some more useful input but I think it's actually fine to start by telling your friend "actually that's not funny. I don't see why bi people should be ashamed for their attraction to men and I'd prefer not being send that kind of stuff" and if your friend wants to know more about it, feel free to send her that post I've linked to or just explain that it's a harmful biphobic narrative especially amongst young bi women that attraction to men is somehow bad or that they need to be sorry for that in order to be acceptable queers but that you do not want to be a part of that narrative bc you aren't ashamed of liking men and so shouldn't anybody else.

I hope this conversation goes well and it honestly doesn't have to be a big discussion. But it's important that you say it and between friend it should be fine to say one's opinion. Especially if something hurt you.

Maddie

[unprofessional-bard]

Out of Touch

Pairing: Jacob Frye x Reader

Warnings: Jacob being Jacob (aka a lot of teasing/flirting), just some grabbing around (nothing to explicit), angsty at first but ends with a slightly heated fluff.

Summary: Jacob has been your bodyguard for the past month under strict orders from poor Evie who had been dealing with your father's unnecessary worrying. Jacob is a rough, reckless man who killed and you were the daughter of a man who had taught you manners and raised you as if you were royalty. Two complete opposites... right?

Author's Note: Okay nsjdjdjdsjns this is basically a Han/Leia AU... I've watched the originals again and wanted to write a fic with their chemistry: a scoundrel and a princess - Jacob and my lovely readers 😚 And of course a big thank you to @marshmallow--3 for helping me when I got stuck while writing 😊💘

This fic is for readers of all genders! If I've written anything that says otherwise please please please let me know!

Enjoy!

"Ugh!" You huffed for the umpteenth time that day because of the boredom eating away at you. All you had been doing for the past month was to sit on your armchair in the library with a hawk watching over you. Or should you say, a rook?

A rather handsome rook at that.

"What is it now, your highness?" Your supposed bodyguard groaned at you.

"Would you stop calling me that?" You snarled at him as you pushed the wood in the fireplace around with the steel poker. The poker was dirtier than you imagined, which annoyed you even more as your hands got covered in ash and dust. "This whole being stuck at home thing is really getting on my nerves..."

Jacob gave you an offended look: "You've been stuck in a big, empty house with the most handsome man in all of London for the longest time, yet you still complain - unbelievable..."

You didn't bother looking at him as you walked to the door. If it were your first week with Jacob, you'd be gasping, throwing a book his way, yelling at him to shut up with his infuriating flirting; but you were used to it by now and chose to ignore him for the sake of your nerves.

You were born in London, but your family moved to Paris when you were younger and now, ten years later, you were back in London -not as settlers but as guests- with your father. Your mother had passed before you could begin your assassin training and it wounded your father deeply, leading him to cancel your training and keep you out of the "assassin" business. It didn't anger you before because you didn't care, grieving and moving on from your mother's passing took a toll on you and it took too long. When you turned 16 however, you started realising what a great opportunity your father had taken away from you and so you've been upset with him ever since. Five years had passed and here you were, stuck with a reckless assassin named Jacob, who's father was friends with your own for a long time until his recent passing.

The reason you were stuck in the house with the said assassin was nothing but for your own safety, at least that's what you've been told by a variety of people. How hard was it to put you in a carriage and let you sail back to France?

Too hard apparently. You didn't even really know why your father was in London in the first place. He kept saying "assassin business" and hid things from you, why did he even bother bringing you along in the first place?

"Remind me, for how long more will I be stuck with you?" You walked to the living room, Jacob right behind you.

"Two more weeks," he shrugged. "Why, bored of me already, your worshipfulness?"

You sighed loudly in irritation, to which he replied: "I bet I can get you to make those sounds with my-"

"Will you shut your gob?!" You turned around, eyes and arms wide open, shouting at him. "The audacity you have, if you were half the person your sister was-"

"Oh don't bother," Jacob spoke suddenly with a tone you haven't heard before. "I'm too 'wild' and 'vulgar' and 'rebellious' for the likes of you people, I know. Spare me the lecture."

Your anger cooled down and you almost felt sorry for him, thinking about how upsetting it must be to always being compared to someone, not better than him, but different. He didn't look you in the eye as he turned around to leave.

"I just wish that you'd cut it out when you're told to cut it out," you said quietly, not wanting to start up a fight with him. "Anyways... I am going out."

That made him halt in his tracks and turn around: "I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me." You said, determined. "I am going out and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

"Oh, trust me, you don't want to know the amount of ways I can stop you from taking another step," he said, still shocked.

"Well, I don't care. You either come with me or stay out of my way because I am going ou-" Just as you were reaching for the door handle, you felt your body being pulled backwards and pressed harshly against the wall.

"Good lord-" you gasped involuntarily. He was pressing against your body from behind, your face trapped between the wall and his face which was only inches apart from yours. "You make it so difficult sometimes."

"I do, I really do..." Jacob nodded as he held you in place but he wasn't hurting you . "You could be a little nicer though. Eh, admit it, sometimes you think I'm bearable."

A moment of silence settled between you as you pushed him off yourself and turned around, still leaning against the wall, rubbing your wrist: "Occasionally- maybe, when you're not acting like a rotter."

"Rotter?" He raised a brow at you. "Rotter..." he repeated as he very slowly closed the space between you two and gently grabbed your wrist. He smirked like the rascal he was as he carefully massaged your wrist - you both knew it wasn't hurt at all. "I like the sound of that."

It took you a short moment to realise what he was doing: "Stop that."

"Stop what?" He asked, confused.

"Stop that," you repeated, trying to pull your wrist away from his big hands; "my hands are dirty."

"My hands happen to be dirty too, your majesty. What are you afraid of?" His voice was low and it couldn't have been deeper.

"Afraid?" You tried to act confused as you felt the distance between you close even more.

"You're trembling..." he pointed out.

"I'm not trembling," you tried to chuckle but instead your voice trailed off.

At this point, he was towering over you: "You like me because I am a rotter... There aren't enough 'rotter's in your life."

"I happen to like polite men-"

"I am a polite person," his nose brushed against yours and it was then, you realised, he almost had you.

Just before he could close the little distance between you entirely, you pushed him off with little force and immediately went out the door.

Jacob was absolutely stunned at your sudden act and followed you out: "Oi!"

You smirked to yourself as you skipped around the streets amongst the throng of people, thinking that Jacob will have a hard time finding you and dragging you back home. Ten minutes were all you needed and before he knew it, you'd be back as if you hadn't stepped outside at all.

Well, you were wrong.

Just after three minutes of walking around the streets you finally took a turn and stopped to rest on an empty alley, but only after 20 seconds of freedom and starting to feel joyful because of finally being by yourself, you were harshly grabbed by your waist and shoulders once more and were pulled into a small cabinet behind you.

You yelped but a big, familiar hand muffled the sound as it closed over your mouth.

After you stopped moving and stood still, Jacob dropped his hand onto your shoulder and the other remained around your waist. Your back was, once more, pressed tightly against him; his breathing on your neck sending involuntary shivers down your spine.

"Let go," you demanded quietly.

"Sshh-" Jacob ignored you. You weren't exactly sure what he was up to, but it was starting to become suffocating in there.

"Let go, please..." you asked, softer this time. Although he wasn't pressing you down entirely and you could easily move out of his hold like you did minutes ago, Jacob noticed how you weren't really fighting to get out of there but decided to reply anyway.

"Don't get excited now," He whispered half arrogantly and half disturbed.

"Well, Mr. Frye, being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited."

But your reply seemed to excite him: "I'm sorry love, but we haven't really got the time to do anything else at the moment."

Jacob let go of you just in time as some nasty looking Blighters finished passing by and stepped out of the cabin with you.

You straightened your clothing as Jacob growled: "Do you have a death wish? What were you thinking?!"

"Perhaps I do," you replied angrily but you didn't raise your voice at him. "What do you care? Other than getting an earful from Evie and your little gang of assassins?"

"Your father-"

"Of course," you sighed. "But you needn't worry, Jacob. If he cared about me even in the slightest, he would've respected my choices and left me back in Paris instead of getting me into this mess."

"But he does care about you, a lot in fact."

"Really?" You asked, smiling bitterly. "If he had cared from the beginning, I would've been an assassin now and we both wouldn't have been stuck in that cursed house for weeks! Maybe if he didn't wail as he does with everything and lost himself in his assassin business and actually cared for me, then he would've made sure I could take care of myself instead of 'protecting me from the dangers of the world!'"

You didn't realise the tears rolling down your face as you finished yelling at the once more stunned Jacob. After a moment of quiet, you began sobbing and broke down, falling onto your knees.

Jacob calmly approached you and kneeled down beside you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and putting his hands on them.

"Please take me home," you sobbed quietly as you leaned in to rest your head on his chest. He didn't move while you cried a little more and thought about how hard it must've been for you. He couldn't imagine what he'd do if he wasn't an assassin and he understood your frustrations with your father.

He gently moved and picked you up bridal style. You had neither the energy nor the state of mind to fight him about it and let him carry you, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and burying his head in the crook of his neck.

"Hmph," Jacob hummed thoughtfully as he aimed his rope launcher to the edge of a roof. "Hold on tight love."

"What do you me-" you began but got interrupted when you heard a thwip, then a far away clang from above you; and just as you felt Jacob's arm tightening its grip, with a whoosh, you suddenly gasped.

In a matter of seconds, you were launched in the air and landed on a rooftop in Jacob's strong hold. How did we not fall?! you thought.

"Jacob!"

He switched your position from his arms to his back: "If this doesn't excite you, I don't know what will." he said smugly and just as you hugged his back tighter, he repeated the motion with the rope launcher and down you went.

You were surprised at how strong both Jacob and the rope was as it carried you across the sky, downwards to your house. It took maybe a little over a minute but it felt like more - and it certainly did pump some adrenaline through your veins. You shouted and laughed all the way through which put a different kind of smile on Jacob's lips.

You both almost fell over when you landed, but Jacob grabbed your legs and found his balance. You were right in front of your door, which made you sad as you had the most splendid time in a long while. When he let go of your legs, you only grabbed onto him tighter.

"What's this then?" Jacob smirked as he tried to turn his head around when you didn't let go. He could feel your heart beating on his back and it was still beating like crazy.

"Your grace demands that you carry them into their chambers," you demanded in an exaggerated way and smirked backed. "You asked for this, I told you to stop calling me those names."

"Very well," he sighed in defeat and adjusted your form on his back, then went to open the door. If this was all it took to make you smile, then so be it.

Jacob carried you all the way upstairs to your room but instead of dropping you on your bed right away, he somehow effortlessly switched back to the bridal hold.

Your smirk dropped from your lips as you noticed that you were trapped in his hold. He gazed at you for a while -your disheveled hair, your beautiful eyes, crimson cheeks that matched your perfect lips- and then slowly lowered you onto your bed, but as he did, he carefully climbed on top of you; he gave you enough time and space to tell him to stop or push him off, but you didn't.

Jacob moved closer until your noses touched and quietly asked: "May I have my kiss now?"

Without hesitation, but slowly, you lifted your head up and connected your lips with his in a soft, passionate kiss; he, however, immediately grabbed your face and pressed you back onto the bed.

Incredible was one way to put it, arousing was another, but you truly couldn't find the words to explain how utterly delicious that kiss was. Your hands were quick to find their place, cupping his face, his beard an absolute delight to feel on your fingertips.

Just as everything was getting more heated, however, there was a calling of your name along with Jacob's from downstairs.

"Damn..." you cursed, breathless.

"We'll continue this darling... later." Jacob smirked devilishly, he was as out of breath as you were. He quickly jumped off you while you called your father.

You both quickly fixed your attire and went out of your room to greet your father. A sour expression settled on your face, which Jacob noticed. He quickly but gently pushed you against a wall and gave you another toe curling kiss.

"Thank you, Jacob..." you managed to say when he detached his lips from yours. "For today- for everything, really. Much as you infuriated me, you also made this past month more bearable."

"My my, is this a confession?" Jacob said with a brow up.

"Don't get cocky," you pushed him off and went downstairs.

Maybe it was a confession, maybe it wasn't, nevertheless it would be better if you kept it to yourself, for you'll be on your way back to Paris in two weeks.

... But then again, you could make your last two weeks more interesting. He said it himself, you two weren't done yet - it wouldn't hurt to have a little fun and make this a memorable trip, right?

[holdmyhopeinyourhands]

Hypocrisy & My F1 Experience

I wish feelings were easier to sort out. I wish it was easier to be morally on the right track all the time. I wish I could make a judgement call and stick to it. I wish it was easy to say you dislike a celebrity, athlete, any person in public limelight after they've done something controversial (and by controversial I mean something wrong/cruel/inexcusable etc etc) just like that. Click of the finger and any postive feelings towards them turns to the opposite. I guess I hate how not simple it is to turn away from someone you don't know in real life, someone who turns out to be problematic but you still like them because "media" makes them seem more likable than they probably are.

Getting into formula one was both amazing and really terrible for me. I love the sport now, love the fans, love the whole atmosphere. But I'm so conflicted about some of the drivers. It was easier to pass a judgement call on them all when I knew nothing? Like it was so much simpler to hear that they weren't kneeling and automatically know I should dislike them. Easy to seperate them from the good ones. I especially as a black woman was so annoyed and disappointed with them but also... not surprised? I was feeling more resigned then anything else. Because, what else was I supposed to expect from rich, privalaged people who probably never ever had to fear for their lives like black people and other minorities do.

And then I watch videos and clips of my favorite drivers. The ones I'm proud of for taking the knee for blm. The ones who used their actions to speak up against racism. The ones who stood united with the only black driver there. I watched videos of them to just enjoy their personalities, but then, there they are, the ones who are controversial. The ones who don't kneel, the ones I rightfully deem problematic for their casual inaction against racism and.... they look so human? So normal? Like they aren't evil or bad or terrible. They don't do things that upset me. They make me laugh and they are endearing and sweet and they are funny and kind and..... suddenly I find myself trying to make excuses for them. I watch them pull pranks and take part in jokes and suddenly my righteous disappointment is crumbling and I'm here scrambling for any and all reasons to explain away their problematic behaviour.

It's kind of terrifying. How we're all so desperate to excuse away problematic behaviour of people who could give less than two shits about us. How easy it is to fall into the trap of acceptance. How we're willing to hold certain people accountable because "we don't like them" while we harshly judge the others, not because their crimes are any bigger, but because we already disliked them enough to simply logically turn away from them.

What I guess I'm trying to say is that life is life. It's not simple. It's not easy. And I wish I could just fix all my emotions and feelings with cold hard facts. I wish I could hate these strangers for the damning things they've done equally. I wish hypocrisy wasn't so intertwined with my emotions. Ugh, this bothers me so much and there is probably not an easy way to solve it and honestly, tumblr fans are so strict on that line I'm pretty sure no one even voices this.

And honestly, I'm not saying it's fine to like problematic people or that it's ok to excuse away their behaviour. Or make it out to be "not a big deal" when it clearly is. I just wish human emotions were much more simpler and easier to manage.

Eventually I'm pretty sure I'll reach a point where I can neatly put everything into these tiny boxes that seperate the good things from the bad. But for now, I'm just gonna stumble my way through my hypocracy and hope I come out on the other side of this a little bit wiser.

[marshmallowprotection]

Man, I love the Choi twins so freaking much, but when I truly imagine myself in the MC's place, I can't help but question my ability to handle some of the things they go through, especially in Saeran's route. I have ADHD, and from that RSD, which is basically when my brain goes, "Even if it wasn't actual criticism/rejection, here come the tears anyway!"

I honestly think I do a very good job and turning my ADHD into something positive; I make jokes out of the quirks that it comes with, and sometimes I don't even have to try, because things like bursts of rapid-fire questions only for me to answer them myself all within one breath tends to elicit laughter on its own.

But RSD, my emotional sensitivity, I hate it so much. I hate it; I hate crying in front of others. I don't even like it much on my own. I don't care how much people say my feelings are "valid" because sometimes they aren't! Sometimes it's really a stupid thing and yet the tears come anyways even though I don't deserve to cry over that, I don't need to, it's not something to cry over.

...I don't work well under pressure. Under time limits. I freeze up, my brain goes blank. I literally cannot think well until I'm calm, and staying calm can be very difficult. I just... I'm not sure I'd be good enough, strong enough, for either routes, and I know it's not really a big deal, but I can't help but feel a little... disappointed in myself.

I have a better chance in Saeyoung's route; my determination to help him, my stubbornness, could be enough for me to pull through, but I'd probably be so damn hesitant and nervous after his cold demeanor sticks around. Even a quiet, level, but cold, statement such as, "We can't even be friends" would probably bring the tears and UGH I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate it.

Saeran... that's a special case. And, again, I know it's not a real situation, but I can't help but think about it, and I'm sorry I'm ranting like this, but it just kinda got to me and I needed to write this out kind of in depth. Thank you for reading this far...

Due to a friendship in my past -- my first best friend -- I think I would struggle with him a little. Not so much during his route, although the ADHD and RSD would make that difficult, too. Man... I wouldn't give in, not at all, but you can bet 100% that I would cry at least a little every damn time Suit Saeran came in to verbally torment me. Literally none of what he says would actually hurt me, but just because they're harsh words... And I wouldn't put it past him to actually reach into my insecurity of my ADHD making me annoying and overbearing, because I likely would've mentioned it to Ray once or twice or a million times lol.

But past that, GE Saeran seems to be heavily emotionally dependent on the MC -- no surprise there, but I... My friend. She was like that. Different issues, though: depression, anxiety, self-harm, and eventually suicidal thoughts.

I carried all her secrets, all her problems. I was in middle school. I was eager that someone would trust me so much. I was certain it had no impact on me.

And then it did. And it still does. I took on an... unfavorable habit. I still do it on occasion -- and I do small versions of it everyday. It's a terrible and destructive coping mechanism, but I... I like it.

We had a fight. I told her parents everything. They got her help. I'm happy for her, always still worried about it, but we're not friends anymore. I couldn't take it.

Ever since that, I get cautious around people who show similar behaviours to her -- thinking, I can't deal with a repeat.

Saeran isn't exactly a repeat, and I'd still want to be there for him 100%... but I'm afraid of how it might affect me. I don't know what would happen. Maybe I'd accidentally end up distancing myself from him, or maybe I'd fall back into the position of taking all of his burdens onto myself, as much as he would let me...

I realize Saeyoung would likely also be a little emotionally dependent as well, but I still think I could handle that a little better... maybe... Geez. It's not a big deal now, but... I mean, people like that -- people who are or get emotionally dependent -- exist. And if I meet someone who I really like, platonically or otherwise, and they end up being even a little emotionally dependent, I fear I would unintentionally distance myself, and end up losing an amazing relationship... This is why, I believe, the thing with the Choi twins affects me so much. That, and I know I would really want to help them, but I would struggle with so much feelings of inadequacy... No, I'd struggle with emotional inadequacy itself...

Sorry for this long post, but thank you for reading... ^^"

[417]

There can be a true catharsis in writing out your feelings so I hope that you feel a little better now that you’ve gotten it out. The fun thing about games is that it is allowing you to range outside of your comfort zone and put you on a playing field where you can click things that you may feel too nervous or unsure to do in your actual life! It’s good that you can find comfort in these characters, as well, and I totally get where you’re coming from. 

Here’s the thing, yes, there are hard times emotionally with both of them but do not think for a second that they wouldn’t stop themselves in the middle of what they are doing if you start crying or get upset. Neither of them wants to hurt you or make you cry. They’re both fully aware by the ends of their routes that they’ve got a lot to work on. 

It’s not easy. But, coping and learning how to deal with your trauma in a healthy way takes time. Realistically, the events of the game should happen over a much longer period and that would make it easier to put yourself in the situation and deal with as it comes. Especially with Ray’s Route, specifically. Because there is such a drastic change in his feelings. Falling in love and playing with the line of what he knows and what he doesn’t... that’s a whole thing. 

Yes, to an extent, he leans on his MC. I’ve talked about that before. He’s going to lean on them a lot. He won’t mean to do it but he’s only ever lived his life in the sense that he can please others and do for them. Everyone gave him a reason to be alive and to exist, and now that he doesn’t have that, he doesn’t know what to do and that’s hard. That’s going to be a battle in itself but he’ll get better in time with therapy and positive support from everyone. However, that can be exhausting, so that’s something to take with care. 

Saeran knows that he needs to work on himself and he’ll apologize and work with you when he does that. You just have to be gentle with him and be honest about how exhausted it makes you feel. He’s willing to work with you and take care of this. He wants to get better. He wants to fight for his health. But, Rome isn’t built in a day. If you love him and he loves you, he wants to make this work. 

Saeyoung is hard in the sense that yes, he loves you and he would do anything for you. His issue is that he can be skittish and paranoid. In the events of the SE, he and his brother still have to live with the fact that their father is still out there and could still hurt them. He’s not going to push that fear onto you specifically but it will show in what he does. He sleeps with his back to the wall. He needs to double-check when you go out alone on CCTV. He watches over you and he can get really scared. 

It’s not smothering, per se, but it is something that he needs to work on and very well acknowledge that he is doing. It’s not healthy for him to live like that, but the fear is warranted so that’s hard to fight. He, just like Saeran, understands that he has a long road ahead of him to get better... but he wants to, and the willingness to be ready to fight for yourself is the first step in the long battle. If someone isn’t willing to fight, then it’s not going to work. 

With your own fears, I think they would both be happy to help you work on your own fears and help you in your own battle. Support systems are important, and the Choi boys want you to feel safe and loved too. Fear is fear, but love is love, and it’ll be okay. If you find comfort in them, don’t fear that things would spiral out of control, there will be hard nights, but it will be okay. At the end of the day, you’ve got someone that cares about you as much as you care about them.

It’s about being willing to be honest. 

Being honest is hard, but you have to acknowledge it. It’s something that the three of you can work on together, no matter what timeline this is. Like, to give you a personal example, even though I love Saeran, I would have a hard time myself being there in the physical form. One of my triggers is loud voices, and I would have an issue with Suit Saeran as well even though I tend to try to rationalize anger and fear to combat my anxiety. I can’t control the fact that I cry when people scream at me, though. 

But, I do control how I let it affect me afterward and that’s a part of my personal battle to cope and to heal... and knowing that Saeran is just fighting so hard to control himself and he feels so twisted up, well, I have faith in him even when he is angry and lost. That’s me though, I have faith in people. It’s just good, to be honest with yourself and know that you can find comfort and rationality in that love. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Amelia & Jac

Amelia: My mum heard wrong and you're actually okay, right? Jac: I am now Amelia: but it was you Jac: me and half of Dublin Amelia: I could care less about about 3/4 of this town Jac: generous, a whole 1/4 Amelia: you know what I mean Jac: yeah Jac: your maths isn't that shocking Amelia: what happened? Jac: what do you mean Jac: I didn't accidentally swallow my mouthwash or something Jac: you know how it goes Amelia: alright, why did it happen? Jac: It was new years Jac: simple as Amelia: you don't give a shit about New Year's Amelia: or anything else right now Jac: I was feeling festive Amelia: because? Jac: because it's the reason for the season? idk Amelia: you're really going to make me figure it out? okay Jac: there's fuck all to figure out Jac: you've got drunk, you know why Amelia: What did she do? Jac: which nurse was it that told your mum Jac: or was it a receptionist, they're the fucking worst Amelia: answer my question so I don't have to go on her profile Jac: go ahead and look Jac: you won't be surprised, no one else is Amelia: [does so a pause] Amelia: I'm sorry Jac: I knew anyway Jac: well, was 99% sure Jac: but then that 1% went so Amelia: You could've called me Amelia: nobody on the gossip grapevine even knows the lad who brought you in Jac: I very much couldn't Jac: I was passed out Jac: so me either, the thank you note will sit here unsent, like Amelia: before, I mean Amelia: she didn't post that last night Jac: it was Christmas Amelia: so? Jac: a time for family Amelia: you used to be Amelia: basically Jac: well that's just weird Amelia: again, you know what I mean Jac: not acceptable to float your incest fantasies just 'cos you've got no siblings to go there with Amelia: ugh, shut up Jac: works for me Amelia: no, it doesn't Jac: ask anyone Jac: I've had a very relaxing break Amelia: none of this is working for you, that's why you ended up in hospital Amelia: for fuck's sake Jac: that was the tequila Amelia: none of this is funny Jac: what do want me to say? Amelia: quite literally anything that isn't a pisstake Amelia: that's how low my bar is now Jac: I got drunk, it isn't the drama your mum and whoever the fuck is making it out to be Amelia: it isn't a drama that you got so drunk you had to be medically emptied out after being brought in by a stranger, no of course not Amelia: anything could have happened to you but why the fuck would that matter Jac: clearly I was surrounded by nice people Jac: I wasn't in a crack den Amelia: you wouldn't tell me if you were Amelia: unless you had a joke you could make out of it Jac: I appreciate that you find me so amusing Jac: I'm not making jokes, there is just nothing to actually be said about any of it Amelia: Fine, we'll go back to not talking Jac: don't let me ruin your good time Amelia: it's a bit late for that advice, thanks anyway Jac: amazing Jac: way to make my hospital stay about you Amelia: how could I? It's all about Savannah fucking Moore, as always Jac: so you wanted to be the one I drank myself into a coma for Jac: I'm so sorry Jac: I'll try again next time and leave a note shouting you out Amelia: no you won't, because that would involve telling people about me Amelia: I might as well not exist Jac: 'cos I'm going around telling EVERYONE that this is about her Amelia: it's never been any secret how I feel about you or that I need you even though you don't need me Amelia: and you could've fucking died or something Jac: seriously Amelia: yeah Jac: it's bullshit if you actually believe that Jac: and you're not just saying it Amelia: all of this is bullshit Jac: I'm a fucking mess Jac: I hit you up all the time Jac: why do you need me to spell it out to you Jac: hire a fucking skywriter Amelia: none of it matters because when things actually matter, like this, you don't Jac: because I'm not fucking okay Jac: that doesn't mean that I don't those other times Amelia: I know that Jac: you clearly don't Jac: it means nothing Jac: then fuck it Amelia: it doesn't mean nothing Jac: it's so fucking Jac: infuriating Jac: I haven't talked to anyone else in person for so long Jac: and I barely do it in writing now either Jac: don't pretend you don't know that means something just to fit your narrative Amelia: what to do want me to say? or do? Amelia: I've spent ages worried about you even before this and there's nobody I can talk about it with because you won't Amelia: I don't get to be upset because it's Christmas and we're not friends and I'm over it, that's the narrative for everybody else Amelia: then I hear this and it's no big deal to you, apparently Jac: just not be so fucking dense Jac: at least when you're talking to me, you don't need to pretend that now Jac: what would you like me to say? how fucking vile it was having to bring up my entire stomach contents, what it smelt like? how terrifying it was to be there on my own? Jac: or what can I do for you now? start sobbing about how out of control my life is, repent, promise to change and be different? Amelia: I've already lost you once because of her, I can't do it again Amelia: especially not like that Jac: I can't stop loving her Jac: I can't stop it hurting Jac: all of us Amelia: I can't stop loving you Amelia: and she isn't going to force me to when she isn't even fucking here Jac: There's no point blaming her Jac: if she didn't know, before I showed her how I felt Jac: she didn't know about you and me Amelia: and you think I'm dense Jac: I don't think she's perfect Jac: not completely Amelia: it's progress Jac: shut up Jac: I'm sorry, alright, I wouldn't have told you, you wouldn't have needed to be worried Amelia: I'm worried by all the things you don't tell me Amelia: where you go and what you do when you're not 'hitting me up' Jac: it's not as if you'd wanna hear it though Jac: you want me to stop, like everyone does Jac: but I just Jac: I can't Amelia: I don't want to hear it because I know it's not what you really want Jac: I can't have what I want Amelia: you can't have her, it doesn't mean you have to have that Jac: None of it was real Jac: but it doesn't erase all that time, what was said and done and felt Jac: not for me Amelia: of course it doesn't Jac: it's like I'm trapped Jac: I can't go back but I'm just left here, she's left me here and all of the things we were going to do and be together aren't going to happen Jac: I'm not going to be that person but I'm not the same as before Amelia: it's like she killed you, you have to grieve Jac: I don't like who I am now Jac: without her Amelia: you said it, you're a mess Amelia: not much about that for a virgo to like Jac: this is just another day in the life for you is it Jac: 🦂 Amelia: it's not about me Amelia: how you feel about you Jac: it's no secret I CLEARLY hate myself Amelia: it'd be the worst kept secret ever if it was Jac: so yeah, it's nice to flip the script, have people think maybe I hate them instead Jac: I ruined Christmas because I hate you all, like, yeah, fine Amelia: maybe Cammie's brothers are little enough to fall for it Jac: it's surprising how effective playing at being a coma patient is for the cause Amelia: everyone knows you're hurting instead of hating Jac: alright Jac: sounding like a cringe 90s rnb love song is not cute Amelia: I'm not cute today Jac: have you got your serious face on to match your tone Amelia: my parents have and if you can't beat them, join them Jac: did your nan say something homophobic and they forgot to call her out on your behalf? Amelia: I'm grounded because of what you did, that's what passes for logic in this 🏠 Amelia: they haven't stopped talking about it or trying to overhaul my life Jac: oh great Jac: I'll not be able to see you too now Amelia: they've told me to stay in, they can't make me Amelia: you can see me whenever you want to Jac: your parents are actually sensible, if leaning towards over-protective Jac: they'll get a restraining order Jac: or me sectioned, if they can really sell it Amelia: they don't know about us Amelia: you're fine Jac: they know they don't want you being my friend Amelia: they don't want me getting hospitalised, that's all Amelia: they know if we were still friends I'd look after you and vice versa Jac: it isn't catching, it's alcohol poisoning Jac: can we go to the beach Jac: we've obviously missed the official swim but I want to Amelia: they did run out of Christmas drinks because I never got around to replacing what we stole and I did have to take sole blame, so that's where they think I'm heading Amelia: but yeah, we can go to the beach Jac: their friends always could put it away Amelia: and I wasn't even drunk last night Amelia: because I'd already had a lecture Jac: how drunk did you get on Christmas day then Amelia: it's not my fault they all stop at a couple of glasses Amelia: or want to my life a competition vs the child or children of every single person my parents know Amelia: 🥱🙄 Jac: you didn't know miracle was a lifetime obligation as well as a fancy title? Jac: gutted Amelia: did I hit you up, no, therefore I CLEARLY wasn't drunk enough Jac: Charming Amelia: 😏 Jac: you know, when I get drunk, I make really bad choices/nearly die Amelia: not always Amelia: and I might've given my cousin my phone so I didn't send you anything, okay? I'm that 😳🤓 Jac: She blatantly wanted to nose at all your private texts anyway Jac: I wouldn't trust any of mine as far as I can throw them Amelia: she'd have to steal my fingerprint, I definitely wasn't that drunk Jac: don't you delete them after? Jac: amateur Amelia: what would I do when you aren't talking to me if I did, read a book? Jac: you're quick with the recommendations for me, so yeah Amelia: I get enough migraines without encouraging them Jac: 😏 Jac: we definitely shouldn't be friends then Amelia: that's not even in the top 10 of reasons why we shouldn't Jac: again, so polite Amelia: come on, you know I'll break any amount of rules Jac: it's not supposed to be adding to the fun of it, like Amelia: fuck supposed to as well Jac: alright Jac: but I ain't going out and getting drunk tonight Jac: I feel inside out still Amelia: what do you want to do then? Jac: I don't know Jac: let's just start with the beach and I'll see Amelia: okay Jac: what do you wanna do Amelia: I only give a shit about seeing you Jac: It might take me a while to get out Jac: goes without saying I'm more than grounded Jac: one pair of 👀 on me at all times Amelia: that kind of wait won't kill me Jac: alright Jac: I'll think of something Amelia: remember a coat this time, yeah? Amelia: I can't lend you any more without literally taking the one off my own back Jac: oh no Amelia: you didn't nearly die in my coat, did you? Jac: I was wearing it Jac: but I don't have it now Amelia: oh Jac: I do remember where I was, I wasn't that gone when I arrived Jac: but I don't wanna go back, I can give you the address? Amelia: do I want to go there or should I just hit the sales? Jac: yeah Jac: consider it a late christmas present? Amelia: wait, my late Christmas present isn't that you didn't die? Jac: you're glad, aren't you, that's a gift Jac: but I also meant money for a coat, that's only fair, if anything Amelia: I can afford my own replacement coat Jac: alright Jac: but I did lose it Amelia: I lent it to you, if it was that precious to me, I wouldn't have Amelia: and my mum will be thrilled I'm asking to go shopping Jac: yeah, true enough Jac: what did you get her for christmas? Amelia: [something her basic mum would actually love because she only had to buy for her parents so might as well go in] Jac: wow, daughter of the year much Amelia: I'm their only daughter, there's no contest Jac: all I got mine was a nervous breakdown so you know Amelia: I did that last year, you know, before it was cool Jac: 🤓 Amelia: I'm sorry that you didn't invent pining Jac: I'm not pining though, you can have that Amelia: I don't want it Jac: I'm sorry you invented pining Amelia: I didn't, I just happen to be amazing at it Jac: or bad at it, depending on your outlook Amelia: well yeah Jac: I look awful Amelia: how do you feel? Jac: awful Jac: at least there's no disparity there Amelia: you've nailed it, along with the majority Jac: start as the year will go on, no matter my intentions or otherwise Jac: fucking hell Amelia: I look great, you've been warned Jac: 😂 Amelia: 👧🏻 Jac: at least it isn't bowl-esque now Jac: like your xmas throwback Amelia: I knew you'd like that Jac: that santa is creepy looking though Jac: your face says it all Amelia: 😂 Jac: how likely do you think any of my siblings are to cover for me right now Amelia: 🤔 very unlikely Jac: distract and run it is Amelia: can you even 🏃 the state you're in? Jac: They gave me IV, I'm technically in my prime, thank you Amelia: carry on Jac: you don't have to come Amelia: I want to though Jac: alright Amelia: okay Jac: [I think she should ask Jesse to cover but whatever the outcome of that convo let us say you do get out somehow and you can go to the beach] Amelia: [yeah even if he won't, find a way gal] Jac: [have your nice moment] Amelia: [it's deserved, well not really because you ruined christmas and new year's but Savannah ruined everything first so it kind of is lol] Jac: [it's what being a teen is all about henny] Amelia: [not this teen, I was a goody two shoes] Jac: [my boo is too good she would never lmao, I did so] Jac: [I think they should have a nice time but then someone/someone's parents is at the beach so she's like well bye] Amelia: [that's very valid because you lowkey wouldn't be able to go anywhere without seeing someone either they know from school or Amelia's parents know the parents of] Jac: [exactly, it's an easy way to end things before anything really has to be said or done so tah everyone] Amelia: [I hope you're both going home, we don't need any more drama immediately] Jac: [my boo says get your ass back home] Amelia: [mhmm] Jac: [she has nowhere to be so I'm sure she's going back to bed lol] Amelia: [get your arse back home too Amelia even though I'm sure that girl has text you at Christmas and New Year's] Jac: [at least you weren't at the beach gal] Amelia: [I 100% vote you do see her when school starts though even though she in the year above and would have to seek you out lol] Jac: [my boo says let her have it] Amelia: [we do love the jealousy always] Jac: [mhmm] Amelia: [not letting you date her though because she actually seems to like you so that'd be rude] Jac: [only jac and savannah can do that lol] Amelia: [Savannah do like this boy cos he reminds her of Jac remember LOL] Jac: [lmao]

[timey-wimey-doctor-woctor-stuff]

The Last Of His Kind (Tenth Doctor X Gallifreyan Reader)

Hi again, it me, your local trans mess, how are you? You better be okay because I'm sending good vibes to you and you can't stop them.

Also, I wrote this one is 1st person haha, I used to write this way all the time so it should be a bit better :D

And a daily reminder, you are loved, even if you think you aren't. There is always someone there for you, and you aren't a burden, so don't be afraid to just message them or talk to them, because the chances are they'll listen. And if they don't, then I'm here! I know I'm a random stranger on the net, but I just want you all to be happy, which is one reason why I write these. But, please, if you ever need to talk, please do it. Bottling emotions only makes things worse. I learnt that the hard way.

I used to think that I was the only one. I used to think that everyone else had died, and I was prepared for a lifetime of loneliness, it didn't bother me at all.

So why was I so upset?

Maybe this regeneration was more emotional. I was also running on barely any sleep, so that might've contributed to it, but I'd never been like this before. I let a sigh escape my lips, and then I stepped outside, not expecting what came next.

I had, luckily, landed on Earth. That was good. That was always good. I was expecting the weird looks, after all, I was dressed in my previous regeneration's clothes, and I probably looked a mess as well, so the weird looks were normal.

I hadn't expected to be dragged inside by some random woman though. And who the hell was this doctor she was talking about? I had no idea. Ah well. At least she let me make my way into the kitchen. Kitchens were good. Kitchens meant food, and food meant that I could eat my sorrows away, and- oh dear, I'm crying.

I continued to slowly eat a coconut, ignoring the Woman's protests. Well, if I wanted to eat a whole coconut, shell included, I was going to eat it.

"What even is your name?" I asked, looking at her curiously. She stared at me, before shaking her head.

"I'm Rose. Rose Tyler." She answered my question, at least, before squinting. "But who are you?" She flipped the question, and raised her eyebrows.

"Me? Oh. I'm not really sure. New face, and all that. Last time I checked I was a guy. Am I a man? Or a woman?" I frowned, taken aback. "You got a mirror?" I jumped up, shaking, before falling back down. "Ugh. Regeneration sickness. Not nice. You're a lucky human." I glared at the ceiling, and then I realised that someone was coming through the front door, and- something felt...familiar.

A man came skidding around the corner, and he looked at Rose, then me, then Rose, and then me again. Then it seemed to hit him, and he gasped, obviously shocked. "No way." He mumbled, rushing over. "No...it's impossible." He stared at me, and I frowned, not even noticing.

My thoughts were being plagued by how alone I was again, and that brought a fresh wave of tears. The man yelped, startled by my outburst of emotions.

"Doctor?" Rose called softly. The man, who I guessed was called Doctor, looked up, something unreadable in his brown eyes. "Doctor, are they...?" She trailed off, leaving me confused, but Doctor nodded. Wait. Would it be Doctor, or The Doctor? Was Doctor a title? Or was it his name? I, once again, had no idea.

"Yeah." He confirmed whatever suspicions Rose had. He turned to face at me. "You're a Gallifreyan." He stated, earning a nod from me. He gasped, and next thing I know I'm engulfed in his arms. It was a familiar feeling, though, and I returned the hug. "What about your name? Your real one." He asked quietly, and I whispered it, which caused him to jump back. "I know you! I actually know you!" I blinked owlishly. What on earth?

"Okay, as intriguing as this all is, I'm rather tired and regeneration sickness isn't nice, and I want to sleep." I grumbled, trying to stand on unsure legs.

"Uh, careful." Rose frowned, trying to figure out what was going on. "So, Doctor, you're saying that they're a Gallifreyan?" She asked. The Doctor nodded. I had come to the conclusion that it was a title. Nobody would just be called Doctor. No way. "So you're not alone? You're not the last one?" Rose smiled at him, and he nodded once again.

I chose that moment to pass out.

~

I awoke to find that the Doctor was sat on a chair beside me. Rose was nowhere to be seen. But...I felt a lot better. I jumped up, and The Doctor looked at me, and there was something in his brown eyes that was oh so familiar, and- oh. Oh. Now I knew why...now I knew why he had been so shocked.

He was Gallifreyan too. Like me. "What's your name?" I asked, quietly, edging closer to him. He smiled, and told me. "Wait. You're...oh my god. It's been too long, Doctor." I knew him. I knew him from all those years ago on Gallifrey, before the war, and I knew him! We had fought together, we had even travelled together for a while, and then I went missing and he must have thought I was dead, and I thought he was dead, and we both thought we were alone, and oh my god!

I was unable to stop myself from diving forwards and wrapping him in my arms. I missed him. I missed him so, so, much. I didn't even realise that teas were streaming down my face until he gently pushed me away, and carefully wiped them away, his touch so gentle that I almost didn't feel it. But I did. Once he had wiped the tears away I hugged him again, never wanting to let go. I couldn't lose him, not again.

"What regeneration?" He asked, and I laughed quietly, and he grinned slightly. "Oh come on, what regeneration are you on? This is my tenth."

"I'm on my fifteenth." I shook my head, amused. He raised his eyebrows, and I rolled my eyes. "I never seem to get any less clumsy, alright? I still trip over air. How have you been, anyway? I haven't seen you in so long, Doctor." I watched him, and he shook his head.

"Forget that. It doesn't matter. I'm just glad that I found you again." His hands were in my cheeks again, and I assumed that this regeneration of him was more...affectionate. I wasn't objecting. "We've got so much to catch up on." He leant down, pressing his lips to my forehead in the quickest of kisses, and then he was off, darting down the stairs, and I followed him downstairs, into the Tardis.

And that was the start of a long day of storytelling.

[nicoforlifetrue]

Summery:Dee Roman and Remus practicing a dead religion has some hiccups when it comes to history

Notices:

none of these are in any real timeline yet!

Yes the other sides are here

More then one person wrote this

There is a prologue! Read it here

The History Class Incident-

History was taught by Professor Thomas Sanders, he was a bright, cheery guy who never called Remus out for the 'juice' in his water bottle. He was a great guy by the standards of the three. That is, until the mythology course started. 

You see; Roman, Remus, and Dee hadn't yet told their roommates why they burned their food or why Remus was always inebriated or high. They hadn't said why Roman was so focused on appearance or why Dee's knee jerk reaction was to lie. Because all that was normal to them. It was how the three followed their respective patrons. But after the first day of mythology, the boys dragged their roommates out to meet the people they grew up with and rage over the inaccuracies of the course; expecting said roommates to rage with them. 

Dee had talked Virgil into going the entire way to the little coffee shop a friend of theirs worked at. The college student was seething the whole way there; you see the first unit in the course was Norse mythology and dear Professor Sanders had called Loki, his patron, the main villain of all things! Now Virgil, the good but anxiety ridden person he was, finally asked Dee what was wrong about halfway to the coffee shop. "Dude, what's your deal? Why are you so pissed?"

Dee sighed at that, rubbing his face before he stated, "You sat next to me in history; I know you heard what the professor said. He insulted the gods themselves and insinuated that Loki was a villain! That's why I'm pissed; he's a disrespectful cunt!"

Virgil laughed. "Dude, chill; he's just talking about an old religion. Like, sure, Loki is a cool superhero, but he's still pretty crazy in the myths."

Dee leveled his gaze at Virgil upon hearing that; disbelief written across his features. "Are you fucking with me? Please say you are; ‘cause if you aren't, I might have to kill you."

Virgil raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Oh really? Why are you taking it so seriously?"

"How are you not?" Dee snapped back before he sighed, trying to calm down. "I'm sorry I just- good gods and goddesses he called Loki a character, flattened his story's into two dimensional cluster fucks, left out all of the good Loki did; and all around disrespected him; thus disrespecting me and all other wards of Loki! I have no idea who your patron is but imagine if that happened to them. It physically sickens me just remembering that 'lesson', ugh."

"Wait wait wait," Virgil said, putting two and two together. "You take mythology seriously? Like it's actually your religion?"

Dee gave him a look. "Stop calling it a mythology and what; you don't? I always thought you followed Hades or Nyx," he hummed. "I grew up learning about the gods and goddesses, yes."

"Oh that's cool, I didn't know anyone still believed in that religion. I've no clue who my patron would be though," he said, laughing a bit.

"You don't?" Dee questioned before pausing and humming. "That actually explains some things…. But he's still a fucking cunt."

Roman, on the other hand, felt more betrayed; though not quite nearly as much as when he had watched Hercules. He knew what Loki meant to Dee, and to hear such a grossly incorrect retelling of the gods stories? It was devastating. And to hear not just that, but Loki being reduced to his greatest mistake and flattened into an evil villain? He was brokenhearted at the fact that his favorite teacher could be so ignorant and brash, to the point of calling Loki a character! Now Logan, despite his ineptitude with emotions could tell the class had upset Roman. So as at least a good acquaintance of the man he felt obligated to ask what was wrong.

"Roman? Why were you feeling upset in class?"

"How could I not be?!" he responded, throwing his hands up. "The professor grossly distorted one of Loki's stories and refused to tell any others! Instead he just honed in on his greatest mistake and made Loki seem like a Disney villain!” 

“I still don't see why you are getting angry over a retelling of a simple character's story."

Roman’s gaze flattened at that. 

Staring at his roommate angrily, "Logan. You did not just call Loki, the trickster God of Asgard, a character from some fictional work. If you did, may the gods and goddesses help you when Dee finds out."

"Gods and Goddesses are not real, they are simply imaginary characters people created to explain the causes of natural phenomena, they are useless now that we can define the world with science."

Roman stared at him dumbfounded. "Logan, my friend, blessed by Athena, unless you wish to end up being mauled by my brother; I suggest you change that perspective before he runs out of wine. And perhaps pay more respect to those higher than us mere mortals." 

Logan sighs. "You will not understand that one cannot praise something that is just a fictional character, so I will end this pointless conversation."

Roman rolled his eyes at that. "You’re going to be punished for ignoring the gods, you know."

And the last pair was Remus and Patton. Patton wasn't a fan of Remus, the only reason he was coming along was so the drunk didn't hurt himself.

 

"I just can't believe the guy!" 

"What?" 

"What do you mean, ‘what?’ He shit-talked the gods!" Remus huffed, well more like pouted. That statement basically ended the conversation.

The door to the cafe slammed open, an angry Dee storming in and over to their table. The other four were already there as Virgil trailed behind him. He slammed his palms against the table staring down at the wood, eyes full of fire.

"Fuck Professor Sanders."

Roman and Remus made noises of agreement as Dee sat down. "Who does he think he is! I mean, he's so clearly biased against trickster gods. Holy fucking Underworld!"

Roman nodded in agreement aggressively, and Remus kinda hummed as he took another sip of his drink. 

"I do not understand why you three are getting so riled up about what Professor Sanders said, he was merely telling the story of a mythological character." Logan said, monotone.

All three looked at him askance. "Because he retold it incorrectly, and refused to share any stories that would make my patron seem like he wasn't a complete shithead," Dee snapped; Roman frowning and Remus giggling drunkenly.

 

"Your 'patron' is a complete shithead, as you say, he wasn't a good person at all."

Dee stared at him at that "I'm sorry, did I hear you correctly? Did you, one, put air quotes around the word patron and then secondly, follow it up by calling my patron a villain?" His voice was cold and dead serious, angry to the point of pulling a Remus and ripping the next person who insulted Loki to shreds.

"Yes, I was speaking clearly, so unless you are deaf; you heard me correctly. Secondly, I did not call him a villian; you called him that."

Dee took a breath, then sighed. "Logan, you dumb fuck. How has Athena blessed you?" he stated, mostly to himself. "Ok, here. Think of it this way. Let's say someone explains something as simple as the water cycle in a grossly incorrect manner. Wouldn’t you be pissed?" 

"I would fix their falsehood and move on. Yes I would be mad, but I would be right and they would be wrong."

"Now think of it like that, but it’s fucking stuck with me because I was also personally insulted with this falsehood. It would be like someone explaining how colors work to you as if you’re five; but they do it so very incorrectly. That's why I'm pissed off, get it?"

"Yes, I'm now partly understanding, but how were you insulted by this 'falsehood'?"

"’Cause it's also a fundamental part of who I am," Dee responded blandly. "Loki being my patron shaped who I am today; and what I present and act like, being Loki's ward, has made me who I am. And to insult him? It's a personal attack on who I am as a person, as well as an attack on someone who I hold higher than myself." 

Logan places his hands on the table. "So let me get this straight, you hold Loki in the same esteem that, say, a Christian would hold God?"

"Kinda; unlike Christianity though my patron, though unlikely, might change. I don't know how but it can happen. But basically, yeah." 

Logan nods. "And Roman and Remus are the same?" 

"Different patrons, but yeah." Roman chimed in, Dee nodding.

"Big ego, loves his own appearance; Roman is your patron Aphrodite?" Logan asks.

"Got it in one, Teach!" 

"Teach?" Logan says confusedly. 

"You act like a teacher. So, Teach." Roman responded with a smirk; Dee chuckling, Remus watching him with his loopy tipsy-but-not-quite-drunk grin. 

"Thank you for explaining, Princey." Logan says holding back a smile

"Ooo! I like that one," Roman hummed; Remus's face scrunched up before he grinned.

"Can I be Dukey then?" Logan ignores that. 

Virgil, who had previously been quiet, snickered. "Sure, why not?"

Dee sighed, relaxing.

"Now I'm worried about what he'll do to the rest of our patrons, especially Aphrodite." Roman shook his head. "I might just file a complaint, at this rate."

"I mean, Aphrodite was a little bipolar in the stories. And no, Roman, I'm not insulting her." Logan said, trying to stop Roman from getting mad.

"Good," Roman huffed; Remus giggling again.

"Yeah, but with what the professor did to Loki; he'll turn her from bipolar to outright batshit crazy."

"Yeah; that's my job!" Remus cheered. 

"Wait, drunkenness, insanity…is your patron Dionysus?" Logan said.

"Bingo!" Remus responded.

"You could just offer to teach things the right way around, since you have first hand experience with the stories," Virgil offered calmly.

"They could; but wouldn't that be taken as slander to Professor Sanders’ teaching?" Logan said, pulling a Rubix cube out of his pocket.

"Yeah, most likely not worth the risk," Dee hummed with a sigh. "We'll just have to grit our teeth, and hope he doesn't damn us all by insulting the gods and goddesses too badly..."

"Yeah, oh! Why do you have the snake tattoo, Dee?"

Dee raised an eyebrow. "I like snakes, and they’re a sign of my patron; tattoos are also a sign of rebellion against higher ups, especially on the face and areas of high visibility, so..." he gestured at his tattoo. "I got one."

"We should get back to school."

"But we have the rest of the day off! Don't tell me you need to study that badly," Roman whined; Dee nodding.

"Nothing to stress over…"

"You can never be too behind on your work. Also, seeing how we have to do something about Loki, I would suggest you get it over and done with."

Dee groaned at that. "I'm going to put in the truth, not whatever nonsense the professor was spouting." 

That promptly started a 'discussion' on work ethics.

Enjoy that? Well join the discord to help make more or just to support it!

https://discord.gg/Pun4QBA

[kyo-moon]

happy pride month, everyone!! i'm one of you too, i'm bisexual and asexual! have some lgbtq dialogue for your characters to come out to their parents / partners / friends , etc !

they're kind of angst dialogues, very angst i guess.

sorry about the angst.

lgbtq coming outs:

[specially bisexual coming out] “you will get over it eventually” “no, i won't. i don't want to” “what do you mean exactly...?" “i like them both. men and women, and i will not tolerate you saying i'm confused anymore”

“if it wasn't for them, you wouldn't have become like this!” “like this? well, wow, the only thing i know for certain is that because of them i became the best person i could ever be. and i will never regret dating them”

“i wish you have never met them” “why do you say that? is because you're upset because i'm happy and at my best with them or because you're jealous you will never have what i have now?” “...” “homosexual people aren't bad. people like you are the bad guys here”

“why you— agh! why do you keep saying things like that?! you know how happy i'm with them and yet, the only thing you want for me is to leave them! all this because you don't like the relationship we have! you're so– so wrong!”

“we really need to talk about this? i'm not going to change my mind, not even a little. i know what i like and what i want my life to be... i want a life where i'm with them” “just think–” “even if you're not in it”

trans coming outs:

“what are you doing...?” “i'm tired, okay? i'm tired. i'm tired of being someone i'm not. i'm not that person you used to know, not anymore... i just want to be me, the real me this time”

“what in the world are you wearing? ugh, you look like–” “me. i look like me” “...what?” “this is the real me, and i don't want to hide it from the world”

“i don't want to be anyone but me! THIS is me! why can't you understand that?! you're being irracional– it's not like i'm a unknown person now! just– stop pretending to know me better than i do”

“sometimes i feel really weird, you know, while wearing those clothes but... i've never felt better with myself than i'm now”

“what is wrong with trying to be, finally, who you truly are? i don't get it, i just don't. is it really wrong being yourself with the outside world?”

lgbtq oneliners:

author note: hi, it's me :]. i just want to make clear that i will be using the word ‘queer’ in the next sentences to not use specific sexualities, like, bisexual/gay/lesbian/asexual/trans, etc, okay? so this way you're free to replace queer with whatever sexuality you want!

“you know? sometimes what you find extraordinary, others find it weird or... unnatural. well, i think i'm into unnatural things” “come on, what are you implying now?” “i'm queer”

“i may be queer, yeah, but that doesn't mean i'm a bad person now i said it out loud. but of course, if i haven't said anything i would still be a normal, good person, right?

“it's funny, you know” “what?” “how the people you know and you call friends quite often turns their back to you once you said you're queer... like, is not like i said i was the devil”

“i've been thinking for a while now, and what i find strange in society has something to do with how mean people are when it comes to change. then, pretend to act like the change is wrong just because they're afraid or not ready for it to arrive... like queer people. society isn't ready for me yet...”

“i always wanted to live my life just as my inner child and my younger me always cherished to, but it's been hard for me since then, you see... i was always hiding from everyone, my friends, my parents, siblings... just because i knew i was queer, and i was too, too afraid of it to admit it”

okay so, this is it for now! i really hope you like this and i want to say i mean no harm with this post, okay? i just thought that they might be some fic writers, drawers or just random people wanting to express themselves through their own characters, but for some reason they can't find the right words! so i'm here to help them out and help them only! and again, happy pride month! <3

[punkscowardschampions]

Lux & Amber

Lux: Hey, Amber, I was wondering if I could talk to you, when you've got the time to 💬 back and forth for a bit 😌 Amber: Hi Amber: this'll work... Amber: are you okay? Lux: Yes in the sense this isn't a total emergency Lux: but no in the sense I'm not bothering you for no reason Lux: I don't know how to start this Amber: total emergencies are what my mama's for anyway, but I'll still try to help, if I can Lux: Yeah Lux: not that I'll be having that kind of emergency ever Lux: well, it was his idea Lux: and I don't know whether he expected me to follow up on it or not but I'm going to Lux: so maybe I don't feel as insane Lux: it's about Dash Amber: Oh Amber: we're not together if that's what's worrying you, it was just once Amber: and it won't be happening again Lux: I knew you weren't Lux: maybe knew is an overstatement, thought, anyway Lux: what do you think of him? Amber: you did, because he doesn't do 'together' and we all know that Amber: what did he do to make you feel insane? Amber: I think it's probably similar to the way he made me feel stupid, but I'm ready to be wrong Lux: How did he make you feel stupid? Amber: I thought we were friends, we're not Amber: and I thought that maybe he was just a little lost, but he knows exactly what he's looking for Lux: Yeah Lux: I think it might be the same Lux: he said one thing at the time Lux: but then today he said something that made that all so Lux: gross Amber: because he wanted something different from you today from wanting to have sex with you Lux: he said it was part of the tour Lux: which in itself...but then he said he only did it to 'tourists' Amber: I've been here for months, how am I a tourist? Lux: I know! Amber: my family lives and works here and he goes to school with me, I see him every day for like hours, on the commune and outside of it Lux: I wanted him to admit that it was a lie, that this was like family, because that isn't what you do to family, even if it's totally chill or whatever, you still don't view all these girls as your sisters, like you clearly do the boys as your bros Lux: but he couldn't do that, 'cos if this is all bullshit then what is he doing Lux: but then that amounted to him essentially saying he did it to the most fucked up, vulnerable girls, who he knew would go away before it became an issue for him...and that's me, so, everything else he said is untrue and manipulative and Amber: I don't think he understands family for what it's worth, whether he really believes this is one or he's hiding behind that Amber: but if that's his perspective, I understand now why he seemed to immediately regret sleeping with me, because it's unlikely I'm leaving any time soon Amber: even if my 'vulnerability' did jump out Lux: you've at least confirmed I'm not hysterical Lux: he said I should ask you, that it's cool Amber: I'm sorry he hurt and used you like that, I didn't realise I'd have to start warning every girl here Amber: or that he was THAT person Amber: yes, he lied to me and stole from me but he's not the first hippie boy I've met who tried to do some kind of free love revival Lux: he said he wasn't scared of me 'telling' on him to these girls because everyone else is into it too Lux: but he asked me not to multiple times so clearly he doesn't think everyone would still be down if it was total transparency Amber: plenty of people here are into it and whatever you say or don't say, there'll be girls who are still into him Amber: I fell for it after everything I'd seen and heard because he made me want to, I was still willing to give him another chance afterwards Amber: pretty face and prettier words, right? Lux: I'm just sick of dealing with people who are shitty Lux: just because they're not as shitty to me as everyone else Amber: there are people here who would listen, I hope, hold him accountable instead of falling into the forgiveness and understanding speech immediately Amber: my mama, for one, if it came from you instead of me Lux: there's people here who don't like me too Lux: more than that Amber: Who? Lux: I'm not trying to turn this into a big tattle-tale party Lux: I tried to tell him but he wasn't listening Amber: you can tell me, I'll keep my temper and listen Amber: nobody wants to listen to teenage girls and I'm not feeding into that lie that we're all hysterical, even though I am angry Lux: some of the older ladies Lux: they don't think I am a teenage girl Lux: that I've co-opted the experience of being a woman for the aesthetic, without ever having to face the adversity and struggles they do, as biological women Amber: I don't have the vocabulary to express how disgustingly narrow and dangerous that thinking is Lux: it's interesting to hear it from a perspective other than religion, I guess Lux: but still Lux: he thinks it's perfect here, and everyone is Amber: and his brother thinks it's hell on earth Lux: you know his brother? Amber: I met him and my 'aesthetic' jumped out for him Amber: he decided who I am because I live here Lux: I almost thought he'd made him up Lux: in a weird way Lux: I don't know how you get Dash and then him, from what he sounds like, anyway Amber: their experiences are actually entirely different Amber: Dash has opted out of any of the struggles, by being here, so it is perfect for him in that way, I guess Amber: like a utopia Amber: it's no wonder his brother thinks none of us live in the real world Lux: He doesn't 'do' responsibility, he said that Lux: responsibility to be an alright person really is the minimum Amber: plenty of people here obviously don't either Amber: those woman you mentioned don't even understand their own privilege, they just want to tell you yours Lux: don't get me wrong Lux: here is fine Lux: and lots of the people are nice and whatever Lux: but whenever I talk about my family it's like this smugness of how backwards they are when I've got the same treatment from plenty of non-religious folks for no reason but disagreeing Lux: my parents think they're saving me from eternal damnation, because they love me, that's not nothing Amber: like the thinking that anything about living this way makes us superior isn't backward Amber: they're pretending to be free and open is the key to the kingdom and the only way anyone gets to be here Amber: but it's not Lux: I just need somewhere I'm safe Lux: so I can actually sort out what I'm doing with the rest of my life Amber: I know what you mean Amber: I feel like I'm always asking for time to figure things out but it doesn't happen like that Lux: Sorry to put more strain on your time right now Lux: it just Lux: ugh Amber: honestly, it's a relief that there's someone else who feels the same about this place Amber: I can't talk to my parents about it, they love it here Lux: You can talk to me about it any time Lux: even if I am your dad's teacher's pet right now Lux: I just get really bored of the manual labour here, I don't mind chipping in, obviously, but being stuck here all day every day, I want to be using my 🧠 Amber: he talks about you A LOT and I am jealous but I'm not holding it against you personally Amber: if only you could take my place in school... Amber: but for now, do you want to come with me? Somewhere where everything is concrete and plastic? Lux: Dash would be so upset we're not talking about him right there Lux: sounds like heaven Amber: does he 'do' upset? 🙄 Lux: I'm trying not to care right now Amber: we're caring about 🛍💅 like teenage girls with like ZERO struggles Amber: I full intend to buy the most uncomfortable and impractical bra ever and wear it everywhere those women are Lux: 😆 Lux: as long as I can find some falsies to fill mine Amber: I probably should too, there's not much going on here Amber: and when you're in a better headspace, I'll introduce you to my friends from school Amber: I think it'll help Lux: really? 😀 😃 Amber: Yes, some of them are so 'normal' it makes me feel 👽 Amber: but in a good way Lux: I could use that Amber: the conversations hit different because they are Lux: I liked talking to him Lux: 'til he messed it all up Amber: not to be ✌☮🕊 but do you want to give him another chance? Lux: I really don't know what I think or what I'm going to do yet Lux: I've got no desire to hate anyone or be petty Lux: but he isn't sorry so Lux: I'm just a pushover and an idiot if I give him another chance Amber: caring is important but you need to care about yourself too, especially if he isn't sorry Lux: I just hope he can make some better choices Lux: but unlikely Lux: he's happy with how it is right now Amber: treating girls right instead of passing them around like 🚬🌿 isn't growth he's ready for Amber: yet Lux: its hard to know what I should say Lux: if anything Lux: to these other girls he was openly being nasty abouy Amber: his honesty was brutal, why soften the truth if it only protects him? Amber: you can always show them the relevant parts of the conversation if you kept it Lux: I'd feel like crap if other people got hurt needlessly when I knew Lux: but I'm hardly endearing myself to them if they don't see it how I do and they just think I'm trying to like, claim him or whatever nonsense Amber: I can do it, he's already made all those jokes about me being 💔 Amber: and I've been here long enough for everyone to know who I am Lux: 🙄😒 Lux: why are guys like that Lux: they say they wanna chill with down girls but then their ego makes them wanna believe you're actually in LOVE with them Amber: I wish I knew, and that I didn't have sex with him Amber: but he probably would have said I did anyway, I guess Lux: He's the second person I've ever Amber: well now I'm really 😠 Amber: my dad'll be upset about it but if I see him around I will hit him Lux: I mean, I'm straight Lux: so I was gay Amber: that's adversity if those judgemental woman would like to get into it, liking boys is the biggest struggle Amber: they really don't make it easy for us Lux: Are there any boys you like that aren't him Amber: I need to make better decisions, so that means saying no to that question Lux: Gotcha Amber: but it's a lie and I'm not lying to you today too Amber: just so you know Lux: I appreciate it Lux: probably got enough frivolous boy chat for the both of us though, so you can try to be better Amber: he did say he likes me, I do have that in writing, but what have we learned today if not to trust stuff like that Lux: is he from school? Lux: not all guys can be total assholes, right Lux: that sounds like something those old ladies would say Amber: he's a good person but he insists he's bad for me, I have to listen to that, don't I? Lux: depends why he thinks that, I suppose Lux: it could be an insecurity thing Lux: or a genuine warning Amber: he thinks it's genuine, and I know why he does, we are very different Lux: good different like your school friends Lux: or the bad kind Amber: I don't know Lux: Tricky Amber: it's another thing I need more time to figure out Lux: You'll have it Lux: boys wait for girls like you Amber: girls like me? Lux: Beautiful Amber: that's girls like US Lux: 😌😚 Amber: beautiful and weird and getting out of here for a while even if boys are waiting for us Lux: heck yeah! Lux: he's waiting on Cleopatra though, currently Amber: who? Amber: is she new here? Lux: oh, that's not her real name Lux: umm Lux: another 💎 Amber: he's not waiting for me Lux: Sapphire! Amber: of course Lux: I don't know her Amber: she got here a few weeks ago, her brother Onyx tends to speak for her more than she does for herself Lux: don't love that Lux: was picturing Liz Taylor Lux: wouldn't need to worry about her Amber: did he say she looks like Elizabeth Taylor? Lux: just Cleo Lux: well, 'vibe' which can mean everything and nothing, I really don't know Amber: I don't 👀 it Lux: like you said, if anything his words are pretty Lux: which is nice, in a fucked up kinda way Amber: I don't think I'll try and remember how he described my 'vibe' though Lux: just let me know if he's doubling up on 👼s Amber: there are less 👼🏽 it would be creative Amber: but no Lux: not going to keep a list for him so he can keep track or anything Amber: if he keeps one himself I didn't find it when I searched his room Lux: wait, WHAT??!? Amber: he stole my stash, I didn't want my dad to get upset with me so I went to his house to see if I could get it back Amber: that's how I met his brother Amber: I didn't find it, if he smoked with you, that was on me Lux: asshole Lux: I need to find something cute to wear at the shops Lux: it's the most teen girl response possible Amber: [tells her where she can find all the best clothes because it'd be such a free for all cos nobody has proper rooms or storage like] Lux: 🤞 having my ankles on display is a CHOICE LEWK Lux: ['cos how many of these malnourished girls are 5'10 lol] Amber: ✂ Amber: short shorts are a teenage girl staple Amber: I'm going to get something else pierced while I'm this young and beautiful Lux: 😄😄 I have the legs for it 💁 Amber: and if you get 😽 called, you get to say everything Dash refused to listen to earlier Lux: Alright, I'm ready 😎 🤩 🥳 Amber: 🙃 Amber: let's go!