#...with a guy that would sacrifice everything for one person

[note-boom]

you know, we're so focused on the whole soukoku scene when they fought lovecraft and steinbeck (obviously so cause that was an EPIC scene) that we're completely forgetting the fact that kunikida and tanizaki fought them and won first...

[mishkakagehishka]

Sometimes i scroll thru a bunch of hate comments on an insta post trying to find at least one person saying that all the hate is insane but instead i just feel like i'm the one who's gone mad

[theriverdalereviewer]

everyone jumping to team kamala we will never experience true freedom in this country

[butrememberthesong]

i have so many thoughts on the squid entity and i cannot share them with either of my Thoughts People so. skip the tags if you are avoiding endgame spoilers.

[autistichalsin]

Analysis of each character's final words in the new Dark Urge evil ending

If you are romanced to a character, you have the option, when taking the new version of the Sins of the Father ending, to kill your partner in front of the others in your party, killing them with one last kiss. They then give their last words and pass away. I love each and every one and feel they are incredible characterization moments.

So let's break these down!

Lae'zel:

I... I am glad it was you. No other blade would have sufficed.

This is something that hammers home that, Vlaakith or no, Lae'zel deeply believes in all the ideals of a Githyanki. Life is a privilege for the strong, and death is the price of weakness. Further, if romanced, Lae'zel will affectionately call you "the source of my bruises" many times. If she has to die, if she has finally found the one person stronger than herself, then she is "satisfied" that it is you- who she both loved and admired. The only one she would ever consider worthy of besting her.

Karlach:

Fuck you.

Short, simple, and to the point, just the way Karlach does everything else. She's already gone through all her stages of grief with her engine- well, almost all of them. Anger still remains. She burns hot until the end.

Wyll:

I... I forgive you.

This isn't just Wyll being a good guy. This is heartbreak, and guilt. Guilt for not saving you from Bhaal's influence when he was so sure he had. Heartbreak that after he gave his literal soul to save as many people as he could, he couldn't save you- and couldn't save others from you, either. All he sacrificed, negated in an instant by the person he loved and trusted most. Of all the characters here, Wyll (tied with Halsin) sounds the most obviously broken, and it's easy to see why, given that he is self-sacrificing to a fault.

There was a set of scenes datamined from the game, where at the Morphic Pool, the Netherbrain would have taunted the players, causing them to hallucinate things related to their fears and insecurities. Wyll's would have been a vision of himself talking about how he was never a hero, how the Blade of Frontiers was a farce all along. One can't help but think about that scene here, wondering just how much blame, bordering on self-loathing, he might feel here.

Dark Justiciar Shadowheart:

I... I'm coming to you, Lady Shar.

Another short and simple one. By becoming a Dark Justiciar, Shadowheart has fully embraced the nihilism of Shar's teachings. Why be saddened or angry at her own death when this is just what she's embraced with all her sacrifices?

(Sidenote: this does also answer a question I had, namely, what was going to happen to everyone Durge kills. Thankfully it seems they aren't actually going to be sacrificed to him as such, and will indeed end up in the realm of their deities. This makes Bhaal's plan even DUMBER, because deities in DND lore need worshippers to have enough power to exist. Killing everyone at once just guarantees that soon after Durge dies as the last person alive, so too will Bhaal fade from existence.)

Selunite Shadowheart:

I... I thought we were going to save each other...

This Shadowheart rejected everything she knew. She was scared to defy her goddess, but worked up the courage- thanks to you. She thought you would have a new life together. She believed in you. She thought she would get to return the favor, and help you turn the page on Bhaal, too.

She's not just heartbroken for herself; she's heartbroken for you, too. Heartbroken at the life you denied both her and yourself.

Gale:

You made me want to live...

From the moment the orb entered Gale's chest, he knew he was at risk of dying. Then Mystra all but marked him as a dead man walking. But despite that, he finds love with you- and for the first time thinks maybe there is a purpose for him beyond Mystra. That he isn't more useful to the world dead. More than that, he wants to live to be with you, to enjoy your company and companionship. And then you kill him, and do the one thing WORSE than what would have happened if he'd never been pulled from that rock.

It almost would have been kinder to just hack his hand off the first time you met him, though Gale may or may not agree.

Spawn Astarion:

I should have killed you when I had the chance...

The angriest, most bitter response out of all the romanced companions, a step beyond Karlach's "fuck you." This is beyond "fuck you" and even beyond "I hate you." It's "I regret every moment I spent with you." You made him believe he could have better. That he could recover from what Cazador did. You even convinced him to spare the 7,000 spawn and that he could be something better than Cazador.

And now you reveal it was all a lie. Astarion is probably thinking that you talked him out of completing the ritual solely so he'd be easier to kill right here and now. How many regrets are flashing through his mind, how many moments where he wonders if things could have been different if only he'd done this or that, even aside from killing you?

All he wanted was to live as a free person. And then the first time he thinks he has that at last, he loses it as the world ends.

Ascended Astarion:

No... no, this can't be... I can't- you can't- no...

In contrast to spawn Astarion, ascended isn't angry, because he doesn't have the clarity, the ability to process what's happening. Spawn Astarion could tell he'd been betrayed.

But Ascended? Ascended, who went through so much to become one of the most powerful beings in the world, only to STILL lose without fanfare? And by you, his own spawn who he thought he had under his control? It isn't betrayal, because he is bluescreening; he can't comprehend what happened or how or why. How could he have been killed, and by you of all people? Was all he went through killing Cazador really for nothing? How could it be when he was supposed to be the most powerful? Was power actually meaningless all along?

He doesn't say anything of substance because he can't understand what's happening here.

Halsin:

Thaniel... goodbye...

Halsin is the oldest of all the companions. He's experienced the most loss of anyone; his birth family, his fellow Druids, and, for a time, Thaniel. He has had more than enough time to contemplate his own mortality, because he's already lived multiple lifetimes.

So here, two things are happening. One, he isn't expressing anger or betrayal at his murder- because he is more than wise enough, and humble enough, to understand that there are worse things than what has been done to himself. Instead of himself, he is thinking of the world he's leaving behind that is about to fall- and most of all, of his most important person, the one who gave him a purpose, who was there when no one else was, who he failed once and only just got back. The closest thing to a child he'll ever have. In his last moments, instead of himself, Halsin is thinking of those he loves.

And second, it's an almost deliberate snubbing of Durge. He willingly walked into that kiss, knowing full well it would be the last thing he ever did. He gave you his death, he pleaded with his own god to forgive you and him both. He gave you everything he felt he owed you, and no more- no begging or sobbing. Instead, he comes as close as he ever gets to selfishness, and spends his last moments thinking about the thing that makes him the happiest- which could have been you, in another life, if you hadn't done this.

Minthara:

No... we were meant to do this together...

Heartbreak, disbelief, and betrayal. You spent so many nights planning this out. She had been cast aside by her people, her goddess, and she was going to get the last laugh. She was going to crush them personally under her heel and prove she was the best (or second best, behind you) of all of them. She's devastated she won't get to help you torture all those souls and take what she feels was owed to her. But interestingly enough... no anger. Probably because it was overshadowed by the sheer heartbreak, but also a sign that even in those moments, she still admires you for your ruthlessness.

[edgarallenrich28]

Astrology Observations pt. 2 🌈💌🐦‍⬛

- Mars in the 6th house will start deep cleaning and organizing everything when they are mad or in conflict! They also tend to over medicate themselves when they are sick.

- Moon square Mars natal will cause a person to be very harsh toward women either physically, emotionally or both. These people (depending on other astrological influences to moon) can fall into fits of rage or even borderline abuse toward women if underdeveloped. They may also have periods of extreme anger toward their mother. If the native is a woman, she may have many conflicts with women or view them as competition.

- Mercury in Pisces love to talk and debate about politics or subjects pertaining to the human collective. They become very passionate about their positions.

- Saturn in Virgo pours so much of their efforts into caring for others and filling their needs, they may forget about their own needs. They forget to tend to their daily routines, which includes taking their medication on time or even eating proper meals. They feel guilt when they take anything for themselves.

- Virgo moons are hypochondriacs and germaphobes who hate taking risks. They fear getting injured or sick, or even dying. They prefer doing things and being in places that are familiar to them and that keeps them on routine (think of the giraffe from Madagascar)

- Taurus placements, especially moon and Venus usually have great relationships with guys. Taurus is representative of brotherhood/comradory. A woman may be naturally “one of the boys” or fit in very well in male spaces. Men with this probably have a large network of friends who he considers “brothers”

- Saturn in Taurus people may have insecurities about their physical appearance. Even if they’re very beautiful, they may not want you to look at them if they don’t feel attractive that day, even causing them to cancel plans. They may slack on self care rituals or refrain from spending money on luxury items for themselves. It would be helpful for these types to splurge once in a while on a good skin care product or quality fabrics.

- Venus in the 3rd house probably has very beautiful younger siblings & really care for them. One of the things others notice about them is their love for their younger sibling ❤️

- Venus in Scorpio are the epitome of “till death do us part” when they fall in love. They’re very selective, but when they do find someone they are extremely loyal, and willing to sacrifice themselves to the extreme for the person they love. However if the relationship turns sour, they will make sure you regret ever being born

[tiajk]

Amazon strawhat reader

Warnings; fem reader!, everyone crushing on reader if you squint, everyone loves themselves amazon reader, added robin brook franky and jimbei becuase why not even though i haven’t watched that far so if i get something wrong pls tell me, reader can do a lot of stuff

A/N: none!

masterlist. part 2

— luffy would actually love you without a single fucking doubt he was practically jumping up and down asking you to join his crew if you said no he would kidnap you but who could say no to him and his cute face

— luffy uses you as a climbing tool he wants to see something up high and can’t see his going to you asking for uppies and you gladly give them to him

— zoro didn’t want to admit but he liked you on the crew becuase your strong he wants to challenge you and he admires your strength but he’s lowkey scared of you if your taller than him

— let this man see your sword he will literally not want to let it go and he’ll be so honored that you let him even hold it if you let him use it in battle if he lost one of his he’ll be so fucking happy and blushy

— sanji swoons over every women ( and man) but a muscular tall woman that’s race is literally goddess warriors this man is on the floor for you at your every beck and call

— he gets carried by you a lot he tries to carry you but you just carry him and he gets all blushy

— nami thinks that’s your so fucking cool she would 100% want to sun bathe with you all the time

— she also wants to hear about how the stories that your people have made over the years

— ussop is shaking the first time he meets you

— when there’s a fight he hides behind you and says that your under his control when you go along with it makes him very happy that’s why your his favorite

— chopper thinks it’s so cool that your on the crew when you tell him about the animals that your mother told you when you where growing up it makes him feel less like a monster and he does his cute little dance thing

— if you ever in battle and seriously injured and don’t go to him because your stubborn best believe he’s shape shifting and throwing you over his shoulder so you can get treated correctly (you could overpower him but you’ll let him win this one)

— robin has definitely heard of amazons but never seen one before in real life

— you guys will have little reading dates and she loves when you give her books from your home because there so interesting and fascinating

— Franky thinks your SUPERRRR all the time you never understood his obsession with cola but when he had you drink some you were hooked

— he makes you gadgets all the time whether to improve your sword or shield he is always making stuff for you

— when brook saw you he wanted your panties but was kinda scared when you drew your sword at him then he remembered he was dead but it was still kind scary

— jimbei had definitely heard of amazons before but like robin had never seen one

— he’s like a really cool person to be around if you wanna learn about his people culture you would always go to his with no hesitation and he would gladly tell you

— the crew admires you a lot your like there personal bodyguard they love you

— the girls will always make sure that when you guys go shopping you all get matching stuff because why not

— i feel like luffy goes to you for everything he has a cut on his hand he’s going to you instead of chopper it just shows how much he trust you

— when you first join the crew and your kinda timid to the boys they understand because your people say that men are just nasty but they get kind sad because they wanna know you better but over time you learn to love them ask much as you do robin and nami

— tell them stories of your home they wanna hear about it all the time especially if simultaneously they all can’t sleep and want to hear your voice

— they know how stubborn you can be so when you go into battle and almost sacrifice yourself so they can live they can get pretty mad at you but they know it comes from a place of love and respect

— i know that amazon’s have super strength and so does the crew so when you guys them they get kinda scared because of your bone crushing hugs

— if you don’t understand why some people do certain things then they’ll explain it to you

— sanji love it when you tell him about food that you ate when you were a child he tried to recreate it with you helping him

— they know how passionate you can be one time you were telling them how much you love them and made them cry

— whenever zoro gets lost you always find him first or he finds you first becuase he can feel your passion 100 miles away

— luffy definitely flexes on law and kid that he has an amazing warrior on his crew and they don’t (they admire you just as much and are kind jealous)

— if someone were to ever catcall you or harass you before you can get a word at there all jumping the person making there life absolutely fucking miserable

— for your birthday they did the cutest thing they had the sunny decorated like your home island from what they could make out of the books and just made you fell right at home

— when they find out your a princess that doesn’t change a thing about they see you but they can tell that another place you get your passion from

— nami will probably ask you for some money and you give it to her becuase you love her so much and she never charges you because of it

— you love you nakamas and they love you

[bhaalble]

I like that Last Unicorn quote as much as the next guy but I do always wind up feeling a little detached from analysis that paints Astarion's disapproval as purely envy. Partly because. No one's doing this for Lae'zel for instance even though she has similar disapproval and similar trauma (all she can remember is a hostile physically and emotionally exploitative environment which expected perfect strength and obedience from her or else she would be punished or killed). But also partly because it feels pretty detached from everything he actually has to say about it.

The thing about Astarion is he loathes weakness. He loathes sentiment and he loathes dependence. You can see this when he actually opens his mouth up about the people he disapproves of saving, but also incredibly loudly when he talks about the other companions, as well as his fellow spawn. If Lae'zel submits to Vlaakith he talks scornfully about how some people just come to love their chains. He's confused and put off if Wyll submits to Mizora to save his father. In every conversation with his fellow spawn (at least when hes not actively manipulating them) he's dismissive and harsh, and clearly he's perfectly willing to sacrifice them for the sake of himself.

There's an obvious origin point of those feelings, of course. Cazador's abuse is designed to actively kill off empathy in his spawn, both towards each other and towards victims. The last time Astarion prioritized someone over his own skin he got locked in a tomb for a year. We can see glimpses of it with the other spawn too, how his siblings are (apparently uncompelled at first) willing to drag Astarion back to their master for their freedom, how Petras' first dream of freedom is getting to drain another person dry. Astarion certainly doesn't seem to feel any real sense of solidarity with them, likely because Cazador understands that them building a community is a threat to his authority the way it was to his own master.

I'd also argue its Astarion projecting his own self-loathing outwards. So much of his quest is about his desperate attempt to escape from who he was. He's been given a chance to slip free of the limitations of being a spawn. He clings to that because of course he would. He also instinctively begins to run over everything in his path, because if there's anything he has learned over the past 200 years its that good things can always be taken away unless you make sure to remove any and all possible threats to that scrap of well-being. He's disdainful of people in need of help because they represent who he fears to go back to being! He calls his siblings "poor fools" while refusing to confront the fact that had it not been for the tadpole he would be in exactly their position, forced to cling to the hope that Cazador is telling the truth for once because escape isn't an option either way. He becomes irritated when Tav slows down to help the unfortunate because they represent roadblocks on his own path to safety.

There's an idea in mental health stolen from airplane safety: that you shouldn't help anyone else until your own mask is secure. What they don't tell you, speaking from personal experience at least, is that PTSD, especially for long term trauma, has a way of making you feel like your own mask will never be secure. And while that's scary, and it sucks, and there should be the utmost patience for it: no one is going to realize that mask is secure for you. Eventually you are going to have to accept the fact that you are breathing just fine. Eventually you are also going to have to accept that people asking something of you isn't them endangering you, even if it can sometimes (often) feel like it. It doesn't make you obligated to help them. But it does mean you have to stop reacting to them like a threat, because not 5 minutes ago that was you.

I think the idea that he's only mad because he's jealous is a gratifying fantasy. He didnt feel safe before, but now through your PC and the power of love he'll feel warm and cozy enough to forgive you for not being there to begin with. But I also think Astarion cannot live in a reality where he's never pushed back on. His instinctive self-protective movements are a coping mechanism, yes, but coping mechanisms developed under survival conditions can also be a way of keeping you frozen in your trauma. Outside of the environment they were necessary for, they can even hinder you from growing in the ways you need to grow to move past what happened to you. Sometimes, you need to stop a baby tiefling from getting crazy murdered by a snake because it turns out. That can happen to anybody not just people who are weak and stupid and deserve to die anyways not like me I'm normal-

[keyotos]

if this was a movie

summary — your book trope w/ hsr men!

includes — dan heng, gepard, blade, sampo, & jing yuan

tana's words — i watched project x and let me tell you I WANT THOMAS SO BAD. something about a skinny nerdy white guy will ALWAYS GET ME. and then it inspired me to write different tropes bc project x is very 2010s trope type shi

also check out my note at the end!

dan heng

⎯ you guys are: grumpy x sunshine

⎯ i feel like out of all grumpyxsunshine duos you and dan heng would be the most chaotic grumpyxsunshine because to some extent the both of you are equally as unhinged.

⎯ if you ever need someone to pull you back when you get too erratic? leave it to dan heng! if dan heng needs someone to make him not sound as assholeish? leave it to you! you two balance each other out in the most perfect way

⎯the two of you reminds me of that one tiktok sound where it's like

"that's just the way he sounds, he has an asshole voice. tell him he's okay."

"everything's great."

"dude."

⎯ you two are my FAVORITE kind of grumpyxsunshine couple because you two are both so chaotic??

⎯ your energy is just so bouncy?? like you can bounce all over the place and you're just so energetic and he's over here like meh...

needless to say, he does appreciate your energy. most of the time, he usually fuels it (he says something purposefully boring bc you always refute his his boring response). your entire being makes him smile (which is rare), and that's why you guys work out so well.

and to add to my point, dan heng is just as important to you as well. you have a lot of energy, which is a good thing, but sometimes it can lead to distraction/erratic behavior/etc. dan heng is always the person who tugs you back to earth. he's your rock in every situation: he's the logical reasoning behind your ideas, he's your pragmatist, and he's your gravity, keeping you still and calm when needed.

— and i also wanted to indulge more in my hc that you and dan heng are so chaotic together

he doesn't shut down your ideas. he just adds logical reasoning to them. those are two very different things. if you have a good idea (you usually do) that sounds reasonable (it doesn't even have to be extremely reasonable either), he'll full on encourage it.

— so you could literally have the most random and out of pocket idea ever, and as long as you back it up with some evidence (doesn't even have to be good), dan heng will approve. i think that's true love.

⎯ such a chaotic duo like you would sacrifice yourself for the world but HE would definitely sacrifice the world for you.

gepard

⎯ you guys are enemies to lovers

⎯ ik a lot of people expect like friends to lovers or something softer but NO you guys are enemies to lovers.

⎯ gepard is so HEADSTRONG and STUBBORN which is why i think he’s the perfect person for the enemies to lovers trope. like ofc his love is going to be so sweet and kind later, but the beginning…

you two are both going to be very determined and you will both fight for what you believe in. that passion makes you two such a good couple, and it also makes your love exhilarating and ongoing, bc that stubbornness you two share will never go away.

you guys definitely have silly little banter and those moments where you guys accidentally brush hands and you guys both blush. lingering touches that may insinuate another feeling that gets you hot

⎯ but you two are like stubborn af. so no confessing anytime soon! it would definitely be a slow burn romance because of your stubbornness and you two are just in denial

⎯ i want to talk a bit more abt you two being enemies: i guess you ideals differ because gepard is so devoted to his orders while you are more of a carefree spirit. you’re more of a rule breaker and he’s more of a rule follower.

⎯ at first you would have rather died than ever spoke to him. his uptight nature and the way he acted so proper utterly pissed you off. serval would have to be the only way you could converse w/ gepard w/o biting his head off

⎯ in the end, after some forced proximity, you two would def be developing some feelings.

⎯ with enemies to lovers, there will be lots of pining. which is why i think enemies to lovers is the perfect gepard trope.

since he’s captain of the silvermane guards at such a young age, he probably doesn’t have a lot of experience in the relationship department. so he’s stuck dealing with being hopelessly and utterly in love with you

everything abt the enemies to lovers trope describes your relationship. the initial hatred, the touches, the PINING, the middle ground.

⎯ after you guys have like a hot make out session i think all the feelings will be cleared up (LMAO)

blade

⎯ your trope is: second chance romance

hear me out: you guys both met in the past because you two were both stellaron hunters. however, the paths you two chose were different. you two were so in love with each other, but destiny had other plans.

now we are in the present, where blade sees you once again, and all his feelings come crashing back down into him. everything he’s suppressed about you: your face, your smile, your laugh; it’s all coming back up

⎯ ARE YOU GUYS SEEING THE VISION!!!!

⎯ you guys make your first encounter, and (depending on your own scenario) it either ends in longing or pain. blade hasn’t seen you in (probably) years.

when you end up spending more time together, the tension is THICK. old feelings are obviously not gone. body language is all pointing to you. breathing gets faster and why do you really want to kiss him????

⎯ something abt intense pining and sexual tension just gets me y’all

there’s obviously past feelings in the air, and none of you want to acknowledge it. so, you two suffice on brushing each others’ hands when you walk past each other, long stares from across the room, and watching each other’s every move.

between the both of you, you would make the first move. it’d be like an accident; it would be one of those movie scenes where the girl/guy asks, “is this weird?” and the guy goes IN and he’s like “not at all.”

⎯ and then the next day you both are freaking out bc what if fails like last time??

idk something about longing and missing someone dearly just screams blade to me. the thought of someone on your mind 24/7. blade having you on his mind 24/7??

sampo

⎯ you guys are: fake dating

⎯ i’m a little on the fence but hear me out

⎯ you two agree to fake dating because it’s both mutually beneficial. it would be no strings attached. plus, you would be able to get away from that one guy who keeps flirting with you, and sampo has evidence that he can commit to something.

⎯ but when does “no strings attached” turn to more?

suddenly, the once friendly arm around the shoulder makes your heart beat quicker. the wink he always gives you makes your stomach explode with butterflies. the friendly offering of a rose makes you blush more than you should.

you aren't the only one affected. sampo swears he feels his heart skip multiple beats after he hears you laugh at one of his jokes. when you took his hand into yours once (it was an act to fool others), his heart nearly stopped in his chest. and suddenly he finds himself making more quips and trying to get closer to you, even though he knows the risks.

⎯ now, you both are left confused with your feelings bc BOTH OF U DON'T WANT TO MESS IT UP.

⎯ you both did not think it would turn out this way. before this, you were friends making a beneficial agreement. you guys were fine.

⎯ that is a lie. i just lied. you guys always had some thought about dating each other. sometimes sampo looked a little too good, and sometimes sampo found your eyes a little too mesmerizing…

back to present time. there is so much tension to the point where you both want to explode. and then there are thoughts. maybe you want sampo to be your boyfriend for real. maybe sampo does want commitment. scratch that, because he doesn’t want commitment. he wants you. he just wants you, and that’s all.

⎯ now how do you confess? or do you just hold in the feelings

jing yuan

⎯ CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LOVERS. I WILL NOT BE ELABORATING BC THIS HAS BEEN IN MY HEAD FOR A WHILE.

⎯ ik he was training hard asf in his childhood, but that doesn’t mean u couldn’t have snuck in (i haven’t got far enough in the game to know if you can or not LOL)

⎯ you guys are cute little buddies, because the both of you probably had no friends! and bc of that, an adorable bond formed between the two of you.

growing up, that bond would remain unchanged. even though you lived down w/ everyone else while jing yuan was living seclusively, that never stopped you from seeing him

honestly, you thought you were always going to be best friends. but when someone asked you if you were ever going to get a boyfriend, you realized that the only person you could really see yourself with was jing yuan.

⎯ teenage you had a CRISIS. like you were freaking out after you uncovered your recent revelation. bc you can’t see yourself w ANY GUY EXCEPT YOUR BEST FRIEND??? YOU WANT TO DATE YOUR BEST FRIEND????

⎯ you think you are the only one that feels this way but it’s a LIE. bc JING YUAN FEELS THE EXACT SAME WAY.

after his training, once he rests, his mind constantly flutters to you. sometimes he scolds himself for not focusing on criticism or improvements because he’s too distracted by the fact that you’ll be coming over that day. his thoughts are literally you.

⎯ there was a period in time where you both thought about confessing, however, the whole fiasco w/ his mentor got into the way of that. it was messy, it was sad, and it was not a good time for the both of you. bc of that, you two both set back your feelings due to personal reasons (you wanted him to be emotionally better, he didn’t want to be a burden).

it was years later when you two confessed your feelings for each other. you two were both looking at a photograph of the both of you when you guys were younger, and you confessed you had a crush on him back then.

bro goes, “i have a crush on you too.” and you were like, “haha we should’ve told each other,” but then you’re like PRESENT TENSE!?!?!?

⎯ eventually it is a happy ending in the end! obviously. hehe.

tana’s words ⎯ sorry this was a little vague 😭 if you would like for me to elaborate on some of these scenarios, lmk in my ask box!

[gibberishfangirl]

WINDBREAKER | i’d let the world burn for you

Synopsis ✰ which boys i think would relate to that song lyric “id let the world burn, id let the world burn for you” and why i do or don’t see it happening

Characters ✰ Haruka Sakura, Hajime Umemiya, Hayato Suo, Akihiko Nirei, Choji Tomiyama, Jo Togame

Haruka Sakura ᡣ𐭩 -> okay hear me out. i see this being 50/50. i feel like Sakura is such a crash out at times especially when it involves you. this man will 100% crash out over you and bring hell on whoever hurts you. on the other hand… he is main character and is very heroic which is why i cant see him fulllyyyy resonating with this lyric. a hero simply cannot unleash hell onto everyone. but if its just targeted towards one individual he’s for sure going to jail for attempted murder. he’d most likely succeeded tbh so maybe not even attempted

Hajime Umemiya ᡣ𐭩 -> yes. no doubt about it. HEAR ME OUT. i know he’s also a hero and he’s a leader so he shouldn’t sacrifice everything he has for just one person. BUT HE WILL ANYWAY. this man is ready to die on that hill if it means you’re safe. being in love and having someone be so dear to him brings out a whole new side to him. if it had been any other person, definitely not, he’d be more rational. however, since it’s you and he’s madly in love, he’ll 100% set the world on fire himself. Ume is ready to stand up for the ones he loves. no question about it, he’ll take extreme measures without hesitation.

Hayato Suo ᡣ𐭩 -> okay. i want to say yes but in reality it’s like maybe 60%? i’m a helpless romantic and Suo is practically the definition of romantic so i like to believe he would for the plot. when Suo loves he loves hard and desperately. he’s the kind of man to sacrifice himself more than anything. he loves you like a bruno mars love song. yk grenade, the song, we all know it. that’s him. that’s just his song. he gives the vibe of sacrificing himself than the world for you.

Akihiko Nirei ᡣ𐭩 -> …no. DONT HATE ME but i dont see it happening at all. i mean he’d most likely die for you and take a bullet for you and all that romantic stuff. BUT SACRIFICE THE WHOLE WORLD?? now that’s a bit extreme in his book. he loves you and would die for you. off topic but Nirei just gives me the vibe that he would want to be buried next to you so that way the two of you can find each other in every timeline <3

Choji Tomiyama ᡣ𐭩 -> have you seen this man during his villain arc??? it’s a clear cut yes. this mf will actually kill someone with his own bear hands for you. he’d carry all the blood and taint himself if it meant you would be okay. he prioritizes you more than anyone else, so he will absolutely lose it over you. if anyone even had the audacity to put their hands on you. it’s game over. all that development he’s had and has worked on will vanish in less than a second. he’s the core definition of ‘0 to a 100 real quick’. it’s not even worth testing.

Jo Togame ᡣ𐭩 -> this song was made for him. literally his fucking song. hes made himself the bad guy before and he’ll do it again. especially for your sake. Togame might be a nice guy but dont ever mistake that for anything more. just because he can have a polite mouth doesn’t mean he won’t completely pummel someone into a state of oblivion just for making you uncomfortable. biggest crash out next to Sakura.

[gojoluvs]

Secret & Sacrifices

Toji zenin x reader

summary, "Y/N, a famous actress, fell in love with Toji, a regular civilian who works as a mechanic. They had a baby together, but Toji ended up breaking up with her because he wanted her to live her life to the fullest and was tired of keeping their relationship a secret. Years later, Y/N is engaged to someone else, but she still loves Toji, who now has a new girlfriend. Despite their past, their love for each other remains.”

Tags; Toji x reader, Actress au, Actress x Mechanic, Lovers to Strangers, Hollywood, Celebrity, Parenting, Romance, Drama, Heartbreak, Reconciliation, Fame, Secret Relationship, Working Class, Taboo, Sacrifice.

Warnings; 18+, fluff, angst, smut, actress au, partying, drinking/alcohol, drug usage, romance, jealousy, cursingz

Notes: the tag-list is open! also sorry for any spelling erors too lazy to proof read…

WC; 7k words!

You had everything you could ever want in life.

A successful career as an actress, a beautiful child, and a loving boyfriend, Toji Zenin. He was the one who made you feel like a normal person, treating you with kindness and respect.

He was your pride and joy, the man who swept you off your feet and gave you the most precious gift of all - a child. Despite your parents' disapproval of your relationship, you never let that affect your love for Toji. He was the man of your dreams, the mechanic who came to your rescue when your car broke down one night. It was love at first sight, with his tall and muscular frame and that alluring scar on his face.

This man was the love of your life. The mechanic who you met when your car broke down in the middle of the night. No other cars were passing by except his and he had the courtesy to stop by and help you fix it. When he first came out of the car you were star struck. His tall and well built frame catching your attention and that immaculate scar of his.

The man who came to fix your car in the pouring rain was not only kind and nice, but also considerate. Despite being drenched himself, he made sure you didn't get wet and even told you to wait in your car while he worked. You were skeptical of the idea of love at first sight, but when you saw him, you knew it was real. He was handsome and had a charming smile that instantly caught your attention.

He recognized you immediately, as anyone would. After all, you were the famous face of Japan in the acting world. He spent hours working on your car, determined to fix it without charging you anything. You insisted on at least buying him a drink or paying him for his time and effort in the cold rain.

He refused to charge you anything for his services, but you insisted on buying him a drink or at least paying him for his time and effort. He kindly declined your offer and simply smiled before leaving in his own car.

Days went by, even years went by and you still hadn’t found out who he was. You were 23 when it happened and now you were 25. Sitting down in the park you read your book, sunglasses pinched between your nose and a black hat on top of your head.

These days were your quiet days, the days you could sneak out and sit in the park. Watching kids play and families have a day out with their kids. You drank your water, watching people run past you or jog with their dog. Smiling, you were grateful for this time to relax and escape the hustle and bustle of your busy life as a famous actress.

Suddenly, a dog came bounding towards you, its tail wagging excitedly. It jumped up on you, licking your face and wagging its tail even more. You couldn't help but laugh as you petted the friendly dog. Just then, the owner came over, apologizing for his dog's behavior.

"Ah, excuse me, is this your dog?" you ask as the friendly golden retriever jumps up and licks your face. You wipe the slobber off and look up to see the owner, a man with kind eyes and a familiar face. Suddenly, it hits you, this is the guy who helped you with your car two years ago.

"Oh my gosh, it's you!" you exclaim, standing up and removing your sunglasses. "I can't believe it, I've been wanting to thank you for so long. You really saved me that day."

The man's face lights up with recognition. "Yes, I remember now. You're that famous actress, aren't you? The one who was stranded on the side of the road?"

You nod, feeling a bit embarrassed. "Yes, that's me. And you're the kind stranger who helped me. I never got the chance to properly thank you."

The man bows his head in respect. "It was nothing, really. I'm just glad I could be of assistance."

You smile, grateful for this chance encounter. "Well, I would love to repay you somehow. Can I buy you a coffee or a drink sometime? I'd love to catch up and get to know you better."

The man hesitates for a moment before giving in. "Sure, that would be nice. Here, let me give you my number."

As he scribbles down his number on a piece of paper, you can't help but feel excited for the possibility of a new connection. Who knew that a simple act of kindness years ago would lead to this moment? You thank him and promise to reach out soon before he bids you farewell and walks away.

You had gone out for drinks with him, catching up after not seeing each other for a while. As the night went on, you found out that he had recently broken up with his girlfriend. Despite the heartbreak, he still maintained his belief in kindness and treated you with nothing but genuine care and generosity, not even charging you for any of the drinks.

As you talked, you couldn't help but admire his posture and the way he spoke. You couldn't deny the attraction you felt towards him, especially when he wore that black button-up shirt with a few buttons undone, revealing his toned chest.

The club you were in was one of the hottest spots in town, filled with A-list celebrities and no paparazzi in sight. Feeling bold, you decided to flirt with him and he reciprocated, flashing his charming smile and cracking jokes that made you even more intrigued by him.

As the night went on and a few more drinks were consumed, he placed his hand on your thigh and complimented how stunning you looked in that tight red dress. Your cheeks were flushed with a rosy hue, and his were as well, both of you feeling a bit buzzed but still aware of the intense chemistry between you. It was clear that you both wanted the same thing - each other.

Before you knew it you were walking hand in hand through the city streets, the anticipation and excitement grew between you and your mystery man. You couldn't wait to get back to their apartment, knowing that this was going to be a night to remember.

His hands were exploring every inch of your body, sending shivers down your spine. You couldn't resist the intense desire you felt for him, and you were desperate for him to take you.

As you stumbled into his bedroom, he asked for your consent, making sure you were comfortable with every move he made. But you were beyond caring about anything else but him. You gave him permission to do anything and everything he wanted with you.

He wasted no time in fulfilling your desires. His lips trailed down your neck, leaving a trail of hot kisses and gentle bites. Your moans filled the room as he moved lower, his hands exploring every curve and dip of your body. As he reached your core, he teased you with his tongue, making you squirm with pleasure.

You couldn't hold back any longer and you begged him to take you. With a smirk on his face, he entered you, filling you with pleasure and ecstasy. The two of you moved in perfect rhythm, lost in each other's touch and moans.

After that day, you both couldn't get enough of each other. Every day, he would come to your house after you finished work, his hands clutching a bouquet of beautiful flowers and a box of chocolates. You could see the excitement in his eyes as he saw you waiting by the door, smiling and inviting him in. As he entered, he would throw the flowers down on the counter and practically pull you into his arms. You could feel his strong hands squeezing your ass, his touch sending shivers down your spine.

The soft skin of your ass was no match for his strong grip, and you couldn't help but moan as he devoured you with his kisses. It was like a ritual, but one that you never got tired of. His disheveled hair, evidence of a long day at his shop, only added to his charm as he rushed to see you. You were his drug, something he couldn't keep his hands off of. And you were more than happy to let him have his way with you, losing yourself in the moment as he fucked you numb.

You couldn't believe how much your sex life had improved in the past few months. It was like every time you were together, a new position was unlocked, as if you were collecting new ways for him to pleasure you. And he was an expert, his hands always finding new ways to make you moan and writhe in pleasure. Whether it was squeezing and fondling your breasts or using his long, skilled fingers to fuck you senseless, he knew exactly how to make you scream his name.

But it wasn't just about the amazing sex. You two also went on dates constantly, whether they were small and private or extravagant celebrity parties. You loved showing him off to all of your friends, feeling proud to have such a handsome and charming boyfriend by your side. And everywhere you went, people couldn't help but stare and admire the two of you together.

Life was good, and you couldn't imagine being with anyone else. This was your perfect relationship and you were living your best life with your amazing boyfriend.

The two of you had been in a loving relationship for a year now, and the idea of starting a family together had been on your minds for quite some time. After much discussion, you both felt that the timing was right and decided to have a child together. You even took a break from your busy filming schedule to fully focus on this new chapter of your lives.

You remember spending countless days tracking your ovulation and planning out the perfect time to try for a baby. And eventually, all of the hard work paid off and you were blessed with a beautiful baby boy, Megumi. The joy and love you felt in that moment was indescribable.

Toji was by your side the entire time, never leaving your side as you went through the labor pains. He held your hand tightly, tears in his eyes as he shared in your pain and wanted to take it away from you. He was your rock, constantly reassuring you that you were doing an amazing job and that he was there for you every step of the way.

As you pushed and struggled to bring your baby boy into the world, Toji never left your side. He kissed your forehead, stroked your hair, and whispered words of encouragement and love. And when you finally heard your baby's first cries, tears of joy streamed down both of your faces as you held each other and your newborn son. It was a moment that you would never forget, and one that only strengthened the love between you and Toji.

Crying as he heard the babys cries and watching as you sighed in relief. Staying with you the whole time as the doctors took your baby to clean him up.

“Mm so tired,” You said whispering, you felt pain all over you and your body was sweating profusely. You were in the verge of dying and the doctors immediately took you to the emergency room. Watching as your boyfriend held your child and had tears brimming in his eyes as you were rolled away in the bed.

When you brought your child home it was like a dream, Toji by your side and a beautiful baby boy aswell. People knew about your baby but not about the father. You wanted Toji to have privacy and not get harassed by paparazzi.

You spent your days in bed cuddled up with your boyfriend and your baby. He would always take care of him, changing his diaper and feeding him the breast milk you froze prior. He would cook for you, even thought all he knew what to cook was soup or making a simple sandwich.

He was the one taking care of you, making sure you got everything you needed. Extra blankets, medicine and helping you shower. The first time he saw you, you were terrified. Scared that he wasn't going to find you attractive since you just had given birth.

He treated you with kindness, taking days off work when you were feeling sick. He was like an angel sent just for you.

Monday picnic days were your favorite, going out in the park with your boyfriend and baby. Megumi cooing on your leg as you ate the sand while prepared hy Toji. His arm was wrapped around your waist, peppering kisses around your face.

As you spread out the blanket in the park, you couldn't help but feel a sense of contentment. The warm sun was shining down on you, the birds were chirping, and your boyfriend Toji was setting up the picnic basket. You laughed as Megumi excitedly crawled towards the basket, trying to grab a sandwich before it was even unpacked.

"You're just like your momma, always hungry," Toji joked, ruffling Megumi's hair as he handed him a sandwich. You smiled at the sight of your two favorite boys, a perfect day for a picnic.

As you sat down to eat, Toji wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you in for a kiss. "I love you," he whispered against your lips.

"I love you too," you replied, your heart swelling with love for your little family. As you took turns feeding Megumi and sneaking bites of food for yourselves, you couldn't help but feel grateful for these simple moments.

"Hey, let's take a family photo," Toji exclaimed, pulling out his phone. You all huddled together, making silly faces and capturing the joy of the moment. As you looked at the photo, you couldn't help but feel grateful for these Monday picnic days. All of you, Toji, Megumi, and yourself, were smiling and laughing, enjoying each other's company.

Little did you know, paparazzi were lurking nearby. They snapped pictures of your little family, capturing the love and happiness that radiated from all of you. But these photos would later be used in an article that would ruin your relationship with Toji.

Life was good until that article was released. You had just come home from an award ceremony, feeling proud and accomplished. As you placed your bag down and kicked off your heels, you walked over to your baby's crib. You checked on Megumi, watching him sleep soundly. He was the one good thing that came out of this relationship with Toji.

But lately, things had been tough. You were constantly fighting, and you were tired of it. It seemed like every time you made plans to go out or have a date night, something would come up and you would have to cancel. Toji was tired too, the baby was stressing him out, and not having his girlfriend by his side was making it worse. It seemed like the paparazzi were the only ones benefiting from your relationship.

Your friends had been asking why your boyfriend hadn't proposed yet, even though you had been together for two years and had a child together. But the truth was, your relationship was struggling. Work had been overwhelming, with the stress of balancing your job and being a new mom. Your maternity leave had caused your contracts to pile up, adding even more pressure to your already hectic schedule.

You rarely had time to see your baby and Toji, let alone spend quality time with your partner. And when you did come home, you would often find him already in bed, your son sound asleep. His once playful and loving demeanor had turned distant and cold, his eye bags getting worse from the lack of sleep. And to make matters worse, you hadn't been intimate at all, adding to the growing divide between you two. It was hard to accept, but it seemed that having a child had caused problems in your relationship with your boyfriend.

The final straw for Toji was the day he saw you on TV, snuggled up with Megumi while the baby slept peacefully on his chest. His hand instinctively went behind his head as he reached for the remote, turning up the volume to watch your speech as you accepted the award for best actress of the year. You were stunning in a white silk dress, no doubt from a high-end designer. A wide smile graced your face as you thanked everyone, including your family and your "Babyboy" Megumi.

But Toji couldn't help but feel a twinge of hurt as you failed to mention him. It wasn't because you didn't care, but because he had asked you not to. He didn't want the world to know that he, a simple mechanic, was dating the most famous actress in Japan. He didn't want you to be judged or ridiculed for being with someone of lower status. As he watched you on TV, he couldn't help but wonder if he had made the right decision in keeping your relationship a secret. But in that moment, he couldn't deny the love he felt for you, even if it meant sacrificing his own pride and happiness.

And as he watched the tall, white-haired man wrap his arm around your waist and hug you tightly, Toji could feel a twinge of jealousy and anger bubbling up inside him.

He recognized that man all too well - the asshole actor who had come to Toji's mechanical shop and demanded a refund for his car's motor, claiming that Toji's work was subpar. And now, he was your co-star in a romance movie, which made Toji's blood boil even more. He hated the idea of you filming intimate scenes with someone else, even if it was all just acting.

But what angered Toji the most was the fact that the public saw you and Satoru as the "It" couple, even though you weren't even dating. The movie had made millions, and the audience was convinced that you and Satoru were the perfect couple, solely based on your on-screen chemistry. It was ridiculous and infuriating to Toji, who knew that no one could ever come close to loving you as much as he did.

So yes, Toji was fucking jealous. Toji knew that Satoru was a successful and well-known actor, and he couldn't help but feel inferior in comparison. He looked down at his son, Megumi, and thought about how different their lives would be. Megumi would grow up with a celebrity mother and most likely follow in her footsteps, while Toji would always be just a small mechanic working on cars.

But it wasn't just jealousy that consumed Toji's thoughts. He also felt guilty for feeling this way. He knew that you deserved to live your best life and be with someone who could offer you more than he could. You were a beautiful and ethereal actress, loved by fans all over the world, and he was just a simple mechanic. As he watched you on TV, he couldn't help but admire your talent and grace, knowing that he could never be like that.

But as much as it pained him, Toji knew that he had to let go of you. He couldn't keep holding onto the hope that one day you would choose him over someone like Satoru. He knew that you deserved someone who could give you the world, and he couldn't be that person. So with a heavy heart, Toji came to terms with the fact that he had to let you go, even though it broke his heart to do so.

As you walked up the driveway, your heels clicked against the pavement, the sound echoing off the nearby houses.

You couldn't help but feel your heart beating a little faster as you held the hand of your fiancée, Satoru Gojo. You were both carrying a handful of gifts for your son's 3rd birthday, your first time back at your ex's house since your split 2 years ago.

You were dressed casually in jeans and a tight black top, but your fiancée looked effortlessly stylish in a white polo and jeans, with a Versace belt adorning his waist. As you approached the front door, you took a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves. You knew that this meeting was important, not just for your son, but also for your ex-boyfriend, Toji.

Satoru was the perfect partner, always treating you with love and affection. He would surprise you with thoughtful gifts and take you out on romantic dates consistently, making you feel loved and appreciated. When he proposed, you were overjoyed and eagerly said yes, excited to spend the rest of your life with him.

However, as time went on, you couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy and sadness whenever your son mentioned his father's new girlfriend. You tried to push these feelings aside, but they only seemed to grow stronger with each passing day. Maybe it was because she was just a regular person, working at a flower boutique across from Toji's mechanical shop. You couldn't help but compare yourself to her and wonder if she was better suited for Toji.

You decided to do some digging, wanting to know more about this woman who would now be a part of your son's life. But to your surprise, you couldn't find anything negative about her. In fact, she seemed like a genuinely kind and caring person. She spent her free time volunteering at charity events, using her earnings to donate to various organizations. You couldn't help but feel a sense of admiration for her, and maybe even a bit of guilt for feeling jealous in the first place.

Walking into the house that was once yours and Toji’s, the house were you raised your son until he turned one and a half years old. You felt tears brimming as you continued to walk into the house, passing by the picture frames, pictures of only your son and Toji. Your face no where to be found at the home were you used to wake up every morning, your son and boyfriend cuddled up with you.

The house that was your only source of peace and freedom. The house were you weren’t judged from. Now that you were engaged to Satoru you couldnt help but wonder what it wouldve been like, to be engaged to the father of your son Toji.

You immediately noticed the changes in the house. The once familiar couches and rug were gone, replaced by new, modern furniture. The house that used to bring you comfort now felt foreign and unfamiliar, much like your relationship with Toji.

As you made your way to the backyard, you saw everyone seated at different tables, chatting and enjoying the food that Toji's new girlfriend had cooked. Your heart sank as you realized that you were no longer a part of this family gathering. But then you saw your son, your beautiful baby boy, running towards you with a big smile on his face.

"Mommy!" he exclaimed, his arms open wide for a hug. You couldn't help but smile as you bent down to embrace him, feeling his little arms wrap around your neck. He was getting taller and it pained you to know that you were missing out on so much of his life. Toji had taken custody of him, claiming that you were too busy to raise him, and it broke your heart.

"Hi my love," you whispered as you lifted him up, his head resting on your shoulder. Satoru, Toji's brother, stood next to you and gently patted your son's head before going to place the gifts on the table. As you looked around at the happy faces of your former family, you couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness and longing for what used to be.

You walked with your son, feeling but feel a pang of sadness and nostalgia as you saw Toji's back facing you. He had his arm around his new girlfriend's waist, the sun casting a warm glow on both of them. You couldn't deny that they looked good together, with their matching black short hair and easy smiles.

It had been months since you last saw Toji, and while he still looked the same, there was something different about him. He didn't have that same look on his face that he used to have when he was with you, the one that made your heart skip a beat. You couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy as Toji's girlfriend turned to face you with a bright smile.

"Hello! Nice to finally meet you," she said, extending her hand towards you. You hesitated for a moment, staring at her in disbelief. Taking her hand, you shook it firmly before responding,

"Hello, I'm Y/N. And you are?" Your gaze then shifted to Toji as he turned around, his smile never faltering as he introduced her

“This is Saori, my girlfriend.” He smiled at her before looking back st you watching as your gaze turned to something else not wanting to watch your ex boyfriend be all happy about his new girlfriend.

She was absolutely stunning. You couldn't help but admire her, even though you wanted to hate her for being with your ex. As Toji smiled at her and then at you, you couldn't help but look away, not wanting to see him so happy with someone else.

But as you stole glances at Saori, you couldn't help but notice how she seemed to light up the room. She was wearing a beautiful yellow sundress, adorned with delicate flowers, and it suited her perfectly. Her hair was styled in a cute and carefree way, showing off her flawless facial features.

You wanted to say something, anything, but your words were stuck in your throat. Your fiancé, Satoru, wrapped his arms around you possessively, a smirk on his face as he looked at Toji. "So this is the father of my step-son," he said, his tone slightly mocking. You could feel Toji's eyes on your hand as Satoru interlocked his fingers with yours, rubbing his thumb over your hand.

You stood there, watching your ex with his new girlfriend, you couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy. But at the same time, you couldn't deny the fact that Saori was absolutely beautiful and seemed genuinely kind. You couldn't bring yourself to hate her, even though you wanted to.

Toji didnt know why he hated seeing you with him, maybe it was because he called it, he knew this was going to happened or simply because deep down he knew saori could never be you.

You smiled at them and excused yourself walking towards the table where all your friends sat. Satoru followed you like a lost puppy, not knowing anyone who came to the party besides his soon to be step son

Toji was so fucking jealous and he didn’t know why. Maybe it was because he had always called it, predicting that this would happen, or maybe it was because deep down he knew Saori could never be you.

Making your way to the table where your friends sat, you couldn't help but feel a sense of relief. They were your closest companions from acting school and they always knew how to make you feel better.

"Y/N!" Utahime practically jumped on you, squeezing you so tightly that you felt like you couldn't breathe. She was your pride and joy, your best friend who you had met during acting school. Despite the awkwardness of the situation with Toji and Saori, being with your friends made you feel at ease.

You smiled warmly at your friend, Utahime, she was beaming with excitement as she saw you, and you knew it was because of the news you were about to share. You motioned for your fiancé, Satoru, to come over and he smiled back at you before making his way to your side.

Utahime gave him a quick once-over before her eyes landed on your left hand. "Not let me see that ring!" she exclaimed, giggling as you held out your hand to show off the stunning engagement ring that Satoru had chosen for you.

As Utahime oohed and aahed over the ring, you couldn't help but feel a sense of happiness and contentment wash over you. Satoru was the love of your life, and you were grateful to have him by your side. He placed his hand on your back and pulled you closer, kissing the top of your head affectionately.

Utahime's expression turned serious as she looked at Satoru. "I swear, Satoru, if you ever hurt her-" she started, but he cut her off with a laugh.

"I would never do that to her," he reassured her, his eyes filled with love as he looked at you. "She's the love of my life." You playfully hit his arm, scrunching your nose at him before leaning into his side.

From afar, the heartbroken man watched as you and your fiancee stood together, admiring each other with love and happiness. He couldn't help but feel a sense of longing and pain as he saw you both, knowing that he could have had that kind of love with you.

Toji gazed at you, remembering the days when he would come home from work and see you with your newborn son. He would watch as you read a book for new moms, taking in every moment with your child. He could still hear your laughter and see your smile as you cuddled with your son, a sense of warmth and contentment radiating from you.

His mind then drifted to the times when you would surprise him with his favorite chocolate chip pancakes, your laughter filling the room as he devoured them with delight. Your joy and love were infectious, and he couldn't help but feel grateful to have you in his life well at least before he ruined everything.

But now, as he stood there, he could hear your laughter once again, but this time it was directed towards your fiancee. Saori handed a piece of cake to your son, his eyes lighting up with excitement.

Saori's eyes followed Toji's gaze until they landed on you, the woman he still loved. She couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy and insecurity as she watched the way he looked at you. It was obvious that he still had strong feelings for you, despite their relationship.

She had always known about your past with Toji, but she never brought it up. It was like the word "love" was forbidden in her household. From the moment she met Toji, she could tell he was kind and sweet, and he still was to this day. But lately, she had noticed a change in his behavior. Maybe it was because of the announcement of your engagement that made him realize he was truly losing you.

She watched as Toji's gaze lingered on you, his eyes filled with longing and regret. And for a brief moment, he caught your gaze and the intensity of his stare made Saori feel like she was intruding on a private moment between the two of you. You glanced at him for a split second before looking back at your fiancée

His heart skipped a beat, a feeling that he had almost forgotten. It was a feeling he used to get when he saw you, and now, inexplicably, it was happening again. As you stood in front of him, he couldn't help but notice the softness in your eyes for a split second. It was a look he had not seen in a long time, a look that gave him hope that maybe, just maybe, you still loved him.

But he knew he couldn't hold onto that hope. He had made his choice when he let you go, and now he had to live with the consequences. As he walked into the house, his footsteps echoed in the empty hallway. It was the same hallway he used to walk down with you, hand in hand, laughing and talking about your future together.

Stopping himself, he placed a hand on his face, trying to push away the memories that were flooding back. He had to stop thinking about you and let you go. He had moved on, started a new relationship with Saori, someone who brought happiness back into his life after he broke up with you.

But deep down, he knew that he would always have a special place in his heart for you. You were his biggest regret, the one that got away. He regretted letting you slip out of his grasp, and now he was left with only memories of what could have been.

Walking into the kitchen, he opened the fridge and grabbed a glass bottle of beer. Popping the cap open, he took a sip of the sour liquor. It was a taste that he associated with you, as it was your favorite drink. He couldn't help but think about how much he missed you, how he would wake up in the middle of the night wishing the one he slept with was you and not Saori.

But he knew he couldn't turn back time. He had made his choice, and now he had to live with it. He took another sip of the beer, trying to drown out the thoughts and memories of you that were constantly haunting him. He had to let you go, for his own sake and for yours. It was time to move on and accept that you were no longer a part of his life.

Placing his half-empty beer down onto the cool marble of the kitchen cabinet, he couldn't help but feel a sense of unease. His motivation was slipping, and he knew it. He hadn't been working as hard as he used to, and it was starting to show. The only thing that still drove him to push harder was you. The thought of coming home earlier and seeing your beautiful face was the one thing that kept him going.

He was lost in his thoughts when he heard the loud stomps of heels approaching him. As he turned to see your body charging towards him, he couldn't help but feel confused. That confusion quickly turned to surprise as you slammed a piece of cake down on the countertop in front of him.

You crossed your arms and raised an eyebrow at him, your eyes locking onto the beer in his hand. "Really, Toji?" you scoffed, "Are you letting your fucking girlfriend feed my child cake now?" Your tone was accusatory, and he couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. But as he looked at you, he couldn't deny how fucking beautiful you looked in that moment. Despite being upset with him, he couldn't help but admire the way the light caught your features and the fire in your eyes.

"It's cake?" he asked, a glint of confusion his eye. You rolled your eyes, knowing exactly where this was going.

"Sato-," you began, but stopped yourself before saying his name. "Toji," you corrected, your arms falling to your sides. "You know how Megumi gets if he eats too much sugar," you reminded him.

Toji's heart broke when he heard you refer to your fiancée instead of him. "Did you just say his name?" he asked, trying to cover up the pain with a chuckle. A small grin curled onto his face, but the hurt in his eyes was hard to miss. "Didn't know you two were fighting so much," he teased, trying to lighten the mood.

But you weren't in the mood for jokes. You scoffed and shook your head, "Believe what you want, Toji. But please tell your girlfriend to not give my son sugar unless I say it's okay," you said, your voice firm. You couldn't help but give him a once-over, taking in his figure with a mixture of longing and sadness. Then, without another word, you turned to leave.

But before you could take another step, you stopped in your tracks. You turned back to face Toji, wanting to say one last thing. "And you should really stop drinking," you said, your voice softer now. "I don't want Megumi to have an alcoholic father, like I did," you confessed, before turning and walking away, leaving Toji alone with his thoughts and regrets.

He walked out back to the party, the sounds of laughter and music filling the air. As he made his way through the crowd, he couldn't help but feel a sense of emptiness inside. But then, he saw his son running towards him with a big smile on his face, and he couldn't help but feel a spark of joy. As he knelt down to hug his son, he couldn't help but notice the familiar features in his face.

He saw a glimpse of both of you in his son's face - the same eyes as yours, the same smile as his. It was like a piece of both of you were still together, living on in your son. Tears welled up in his eyes as he placed his hand on Megumi's chubby cheeks, feeling the softness and warmth. In that moment, he felt a wave of emotions .

He may not have you by his side anymore, but he had your son - a reminder of the love you shared and the memories you made together. And for that, he was grateful.

He may have lost you, but he still had a piece of you with him, and that was enough to keep him going.

Notes; was listening to Glimpse of Us by Joji and it inspired me to write this mini series.. It’s prob gonna have like 5 chapters max since it’s a small series! anyways wrote this at like 3 am welp.. Dividers by @/cafekitsune !!

[oharababe]

ACROSS FOR COMFORT | MIGUEL O'HARA

⋆𐙚₊˚ premise: when he feels that the weight of the world is crushing him, miguel can only think of one person he can go to and unravel his biggest fears. he'd go to you even though you are far away from across the multiverse.

⋆𐙚₊˚ tags: spiderman 2099 miguel + afab reader. hurt/comfort, longing from afar.

⋆𐙚₊˚ wc: 2,148

Miguel knew that he divided the Spider Society the moment he let everyone know that they would not stop until Miles Morales was brought back to him. 

Anger coursed through his veins when the young Spider-Man managed to slip through his fingers and escape from the Society again. He’s been defeated by a sixteen year old boy, who only had a year experience as a vigilante, who didn’t know much about the big sacrifices all Spider-Heroes had to make. And yet, he managed to draw everyone out of headquarters so that he can escape where no one can find him. 

But Miguel will make sure that Miles is found, even if he has to take drastic measures in order to protect the Multiverse. 

The boy wasn’t supposed to be Spider-Man, and yet Miles managed to outsmart him single-handedly. Outsmarted himself, Spider-Man 2099. Who has been protecting the multiverse for years with more experiences compared to the young hero. Who has never seen how fragile the universe is. Who made one mistake that caused the ruins of other people’s lives, wiping their existences off the arachnid humanoid poly multiverse (yes, that name does sound a little far-fetched, but he will always refer to the multiverse as that). Miles Morales reminds him of himself, and Miguel hates it. The one who thought that he can have the best of both worlds; saving lives and having the people close to them alive.  

I thought we were supposed to be the good guys? 

We are, he told Gwen. They still protect the multiverse, saving people’s lives. He was keeping the universe together. And yet, he couldn’t get her words out of his head that echoed in the back of his mind. Miguel knows that the weight of his words and actions have divided the Society, but what was he supposed to do when he tried to explain the situation to Miles calmly and it didn’t work out? And the possibility of another multiverse wiping off its existence can happen again? 

Miles Morales reminds him of himself, believing that Spider-Man can have everything in his life. The reality of it is that they can’t. No matter how hard he tried and the consequences led to severe destruction because of him—it was selfish of Miguel to think he could have it all. 

Miguel sneers when a couple of the Spider-Heroes give their updates that they couldn’t find Miles Morales in the universe they’re assigned to. His fangs bare under his mask, the tone of his voice edge command and hint of desperation as he commands the heroes to continue their search on the young vigilante. The multiverse is large and he knew that Miles could be anywhere. But the boy wouldn’t be able to hide and escape away from him for too long. Miguel knows that—he’ll make sure to find Miles Morales and confinement will have to be done. 

Setting up coordinates to a certain dimension, he strode into the wormhole and reappeared at the end of the time tunnel. The rain has stopped and he’s greeted to a new environment. It was pitch black, quiet and the full moon brightens up the dark canvas of the skies. Feeling the serenity in the air, calmness begins to settle in him, something that he hasn’t felt in a long time. He scouted the multiverse, taking notes of which universes he visited so that he could look for Miles. Earth-223 is no different; his mission is still to catch the young boy. But a thought crosses his mind when he comes to this universe, and his heart starts to race a little faster. 

Miguel hasn’t visited Earth-223 in a while and his stomach curls as he overlooks a part of the city. He glances down at his gizmo and as he suspected, there are no energy levels of anomalies on Earth-223. He has a job to do—to protect the multiverse—but at that moment, his mind is drawn to one thing that he’s been hoping to do since his arrival. 

He moves and swings swiftly from one place to another, going to a place that he had in mind. With one last jump, Miguel lands on top of a roof building perfectly, landing on his feet and rising up to stand. He overlooks a particular street apartment that he’s been looking for. His eyes look down at the street and observe the citizens that walk past by. Miguel knows that he shouldn’t be doing this but a part of him couldn’t help himself to go along with the plan. To find someone from this universe that he knows well. 

And within his view, there you were. Walking down the streets of where your apartment complex is. Seeing how late it is at night, you must have just got off work, ready to return back to your home. He watches as you approach the apartment’s main entrance, taking out your keys and watching you enter the building. 

Miguel lets out a breath that he didn’t realise that he was holding back. You live on the fifth floor of the building and he contemplates on if he should do what he’s been wanting to do with you. In the apartment, he has a hunch that you’re walking up the stairs to your flat. It should take less than five minutes at least and his mind races as he debates on whether he should take the leap or not.  

“Lyla,” Miguel speaks up. “Call them.” 

“A-are... are you sure you want to do that?” Lyla questions. You should be on the way up to your place, maybe walking down the corridor as you prepare to get your keys out to get inside. He knows your routine like the back of his hand. 

“Just do it,” his voice firms. “Call them.” 

Lyla doesn’t argue and she tells him that she’s connecting his earpiece  to your phone number. Through the window of your apartment complex, he can see that the front door unlocks and opens. You step in, put down your bag and take off your coat to hang it up. Miguel sees that you stop midway and your hands pat down to your side pockets. He knows that his call is ringing on your phone because a smile appeared on your face despite how tired your day must have been. “Hey,” 

“Hey,” Miguel responds back. He notices you move around in your apartment, going to the kitchen. Your voice speaks to him on your end of the line, asking about what he has been up to with that calm and cheerful tone of yours. He keeps it brief about his day because he would rather hear about yours, than to remember the crisis he is currently facing. The mask on him disappears away as Miguel listens to you. His free hand rubs against the pad of his fingers together, sometimes running through his dark brown hair. His eyes never leave your sight as he sees you walking around in your kitchen, listening to you talk his ear off that he welcomes deeply. 

“When are you ever going to stop calling me that?” Miguel half jokes. The corner of his mouth curves up into a half smile. Though his words come across displeasure, his heart races at the nickname you made.  Please never stop calling me that. “Miguelito? Really?”

“Well, you never complain.” You tease back. There’s a moment of pause before he hears you speak up again. “Hey, I can tell something is bothering you. You okay?”

Miguel realises that he can never escape from your skepticalism, no matter how hard he tries to hide it. You’re the only civilian who knows about his identity and what he does, even if he isn’t the Spider-Man from your Earth. He knows better than to let anyone in but when it comes to you, he couldn’t stay away. Drawn to you like a moth to flame. Maybe in truth, the reason he is on your Earth is not to find Miles Morales. But rather, to look for you.

“I don’t know if what I did was the right thing to do.” Miguel’s voice wavers. 

Quietness settles between the two of you, and he allows himself to lower his guard down as his voice guides him. “I know that I have to be the one to do it. But I just… don’t know where I am going with this. I thought I knew what it takes to carry this burden.” 

Miguel sighs, the weight of his thoughts and words prior tightens in his chest. He finds it a struggle to downright say that he wants to express at times. He stayed silent and exhaled out slowly, his chest deflated. Miguel’s eyes clock on your figure by the window and though he could only see a side profile of you, he catches a small glimpse of you quietly as well. Not long after, you speak up. “I’m really sorry that you’re having a rough time.” 

“I feel that I did this to myself. Always so… rigid.” A solemn expression etched on his face. 

“True but you have gone through a lot.” 

“There’s this new kid who isn’t like the rest. Different. Which worries me.” Miguel begins. “I told him about the predicament of the future of all Spider-Man—that we will all lose someone close to us. And, Miles wouldn’t accept that.” 

“I see.” You say. “Who is he predicted to lose?” 

“His father, a Captain.” Miguel says. “Miles is trying to change the future and I can’t let that happen.” His voice sterns for a brief moment. “Or else he’s making the same mistake as I did. Have the same guilt that I carry.” 

 The invisible weight he feels in his mind and chest lightens somehow when he tells you what’s going on. You’re quiet when he’s done talking and there’s a moment of pause lingering between you two. 

“I don’t really know much about the effects of messing up timelines,” you say. “But from an outsider’s perspective, it seems that Miles would go against the predicted fates because he would rather give all he’s got than do nothing. Even if he’d get hurt by messing up the timeline, I think Miles would be even more hurt and guilt-ridden if he didn’t give it a try for himself to save someone.” 

Miguel stays quiet. There is something in your words that reaches him, anchoring him to see things differently. You’ve always been good at putting things into a different perspective. 

“I know you care for the kid, Miggy.” You continue. “Even though you have an odd way of demonstrating that.” 

He could imagine the corner of your mouth curving up into a smile as you chuckle softly at your end of the line. And he does the same; cracking a smile on his face for once since the mess of the Spider Society everything happened. Miguel allows himself to venture with the idea of a peaceful life with you; a life where he would return home to you on his good and bad days, and you would be the one he is excited to come home to. He wants to be comforted by you. To hold you in his arms, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. 

He wishes he could just be with you. To him, you are his world. But he knows that you’re only a tiny fraction of this multiverse he swore to protect, even if it means keeping his distance away from you. 

“Miguel? Are you still there?” Your voice speaks through the earpiece. 

He cleared his throat, breaking away his thoughts of a life he knew that he couldn’t really have. “Yeah, I’m here.” 

“Thought I lost you for a moment, there,” you say. Miguel sees you moving around in your living room and settles to sit in the middle of your sofa. You cross your legs in a lotus position and he couldn’t help but watch you, feeling himself strained to stop the smile from forming. But he couldn’t help it, not when you look so carefree and safe. 

“Anyways, are you free to swing by? I made an extra batch of food to share.” You said. “Feel like I cooked a bit too much this time.”

“Not this time I’m afraid.” Miguel says. “Work’s getting intense.” 

“That’s a shame,” you tell him. “Well, I don’t know where you are but that doesn’t mean you can’t escape from me telling you off. And to remind you to look after yourself.” He sees you stuff a spoonful of food into your mouth. He gives you a moment to eat but still manages to talk to him. “Or else who am I going to ramble someone’s ear off but yours?” 

You are what he is protecting, and he’ll do anything to make sure the world you’re in is safe. 

TAGLIST gang: @99matterss @tojishugetiddies @miauamy @pigeonmama @oyayablog @itsmiguel2099

[kissami]

UN ÁNGEL- Cloud strife Headcanons

sum. Need boyfriend headcanons for cloud? SAY LESS.

warning: modern cloud, oc cloud srry I love him soft, might be a little self insert because of the stuff I like but that’s all

femreader! with she/her pronouns

song of the day: igual que un ángel - Kali uchis

boyfriend Cloud who knows your order by heart at your guys’ favorite coffee shop and no matter how many times he does it, it never fails to make you blush and impressed.

Boyfriend Cloud who never fails to make you ticklish especially during intimate moments that you can’t help but burst out laughing.

Boyfriend Cloud who sometimes can’t handle all the attention and affection so he distances himself but can’t help but miss you even more.

Boyfriend Cloud who loves picking you up from university on his motorcycle to show off especially knowing that Reno would be there. He is still very bitter that Reno was your first kiss in fifth grade and not him because he was too busy helping collect Tifa’s shopkins from the grass at recess.

Boyfriend Cloud who loves going to Aerith’s flower shop because he helps her make your bouquets extra pretty just for you. #bestfriendprivileges

boyfriend Cloud who has recurring nightmares of losing you to Sepiroth. No not the “I’ll steal your girl,” kind of way. More like he murders you and Aerith at the same time. Perhaps something from a past life?

Boyfriend Cloud who loves watching studio ghibli movies with you especially ponyo and spirited away. Let’s not get started on his love for Princess Mononoke.

Boyfriend Cloud who goes with you at the bookstore for now on to carry your books because he found out that a guy put his number inside of a book after catching it for you when you accidentally dropped it from your stack pile.

Boyfriend Cloud who’s COMPLETELY and UTTERLY obsessed with you. Not the annoying obsession, but the obsession that makes your tummy in knots and the cute things he loves to do for you. Whether it’s making you lunch for school/ work, leaving cute notes on your door handles, or literally dropping everything instantly for you when you call.

Boyfriend Cloud who hid in the bathroom after you guys had…yk…and too embarrassed to come out. If only he knew you were on the bed breathless and wanting more.

Boyfriend Cloud who baby trapped you. With a cat. Her names Honey and every time there’s an argument he uses her as an excuse to visit you. “We can’t let our cat have separated household problems,she needs both of her parents so please answer the door.”

Boyfriend Cloud who had no idea him getting a lip piercing would be in the way of kissing you for it to heal correctly. He ran out of the piercing shop and only agreed to come back to get a matching eyebrow piercing with you instead.

Boyfriend Cloud who not only made you a playlist, but this mf burned a cd for you, made tifa draw a one in a million piece of art for you for the cover, has a sticker of it on his car, and even bought a necklace that had the Spotify playlist code. So whenever a person flirts with him, he’ll hold it up and say, “scan this and read the description. That’ll be my answer for you.”

Boyfriend Cloud who didn’t understand why you were so obsessed with kpop, especially BTS. Him and jungkook have beef apparently. He also buys you albums all the time and even sacrifices himself to let you use his phone to make sure you guys get tickets to concerts.

Boyfriend Cloud who WILL call your work to call off. He doesn’t care, cuddles are more important.

Boyfriend Cloud who forces you to drink water whenever you hang. You always complain about headaches and he makes sure when you’re with him you’re hydrated.

Boyfriend Cloud who is addicted to Dr.Pepper. You gave him some when you two went to watch Barbie in the summer and it’s his holy grail. “We need to head to Costco, I ran out of my pepper.”

[littlebigwave]

No clue

Haechan x Fem reader

Ever since you crashed into his life he's never images a day without you. He loved everything about you from top to toe, taking in everything you had to offer the moment he first laid eyes on you.

Since you were new to town Mark was the first person you knew as a friend, introducing him to his friend group that'd you hopefully grow to like, but as soon as you and Haechans eyes met, something in him clicked, a warm feeling bubbling in his stomach. The way your soft eyes peered at him in curiosity made him eager to know more about it. Just as he thought it couldn't get any better his eyes lit up at how his name rolled off your tongue so well. Almost like silk. This was the first time his name came out so well from someone's mouth. He never thought his name would sound like desirable until he met you and ever since that moment he knew you were the one.

Despite his undeniable attraction to you, he was never able to fully express it. Normally keeping to himself or with close friends, but with you. He'd most definitely do anything for you. Help with work? He's got it. Need to open something? He's got it. Comforting you when your sick? He's most definitely got it. He would sacrifice his life for you. His heart melting when you give him even the smallest comment 'thanks', showing that you cared about what he did. He's fallen so deep it's almost painful for the guys to watch him as he serves himself as an obedient dog to you, always by your side.

It was turning much more severe once you two started dating. His quirky attitude and loyalty made you fall right for him just as much as he did to you. His mind short circuiting the first moment both your hands interlocked, your warm palms pressed against his clammy ones which you didn't seem to mind. This small gesture only fuled his desires for you. Wondering what more he can do now that you were finally his.

_________________________________________

A/N : I'm sorry but I'm a sucker for loser haechan :(

[inkskinned]

they don't see it, because it is around them like air. to them, it would have to be through movies, through magazines. they think it happens outside of life, like it must be selected to be interacted with.

but you discovered in the fifth grade that you couldn't wear shirts with words on them, it was an excuse for someone to look at your chest. you were catcalled before you were in middle school. sometimes you look at that memory and deny it - surely that can't be right, you were young. but you were in a skirt, so maybe that was a natural byproduct. it was a skirt from that place "justice by limited too" - a store literally for kids. it was popular around then. you wore that skirt twice and then never again.

you can't wear headphones, because what if a man wants to talk to you? there's a guy on the internet who complains that women shut themselves off from being approached. at night, you often keep the headphones positioned but with the sound off, just in case you need to hear something behind you.

you learned at 12 that you can't make eye contact, don't acknowledge the aggression. just walk faster and hope he picks on somebody else. don't wear your hair like that. do not park next to that kind of car, park an entire cityblock away if you must.

you can't go to the museum, you're sitting and tying your shoe when he approaches you and mentions that nobody understands art anymore. that in the whole world, it's just you-two. you have no recourse for eating a meal (it's rabbit food if it's salad, and someone will roll their eyes, eat a sandwich. it's pick-me behavior if it's a burger, we get it you're a cool girl). if you like mushrooms you are cottagecore, which is cheesy. if you like video games you're an egirl (similar to a pick-me). boys do not get categories, but if you point out the categories are sexist, you are told okay but these girls really exist.

it is somehow developing, a little undercurrent that you've been uncomfortable with. the nickname "karen" went from being "a white woman that uses her whiteness as a weapon, particularly against people of color," to now mean "any woman raising her voice or being even a little upset." the reappropriation of a term used specifically to call out white women for their racism has set your skin on edge. now it is just another version of "bitch," one that can be said on television. recently you saw a woman get called a karen because a drunk driver sideswiped her, and she screamed when it happened. the comments on the dashcam video all say "why do women always scream about everything." "when has the world ever been bettered by women screaming." "this fucking karen. she deserved to get hit."

in the sitcom, it's a joke that the wife is furious; slamming her hands down into the sink. i do everything around here, might as well do this too. in your house, your father is always in-his-office. before you know better, your first boyfriend is the type to say it's just easier for you. you used to beg him to take you on dates. he used to make a big deal about it, about the sacrifice of effort, even if you were the one who did most of the planning.

someone on the internet makes a "POV: the most boring person you've ever met" where he puts a towel on his head and just talks like a normal person. his impression of a boring woman is just a woman that is talking about her pretty-average life without exaggeration.

you are sometimes actually sad in the reverse, because actually you did used to struggle to pay attention in conversations. you were also easily bored of normal things, your adhd pinging off of every radio tower in the vacinity. it took time and therapy and patience, and now you delight in the small things about your friends. you like having them show you their organizational systems and talk about their taylor swift tickets. you are entertained by them because you learned to be, even though your brain is structured to only be excited by novelty. you kind of hate the idea that the reason your father will never actually pay attention to you is that you're no longer interesting. eventually the shine wore off, and you were just a person, not a spaceship. he never learned how to just, like, form an actual intimate friendship. it was always at a distance, this sense - emotional closeness was too much. (and yes. he's homophobic).

you're already tired of whatever the fuck is happening with the words "divine feminine", a rancid take that is basically just a rebranding of the patriarchy in action. what the fuck do they mean "being small and delicate and needing protection" is feminine. the words they are looking for are that they want a partner, not that their desire for equivalent support is relegated to gender. the human desire for community is not actually gendered at all. also, what fucking wolves are these "divine masculine" men even battling. fuckken taxes? shouldn't their "desire to protect" also mean "protect you from emotional neglect", or are all emotions off-limits (and how sad would that be. that's a horrible bar to set.)

and they tell you it's really not bad actually, because it's just there. they suggest you get off the internet or you stop reading that book or you stop thinking so hard about the movie or you stop just-being-a-feminist because honestly it's a killjoy sort of thing and then you tilt your head to the side and there's that little siren in the back of your head. if things were actually fine, being a feminist wouldn't put a stop to anything, it would go completely unnoticed, because you wouldn't have any comment to make about any of this

but you are ruining your own life, they tell you. also, girls don't sit like that. also, all girls are catty. also, all girls are bad drivers. also, all girls just need a cute bracelet and an iced coffee.

you do like iced coffee, is the thing. when you close your eyes, the world around you has this strange note to it. and once you hear it, it never stops ringing.

[lure-of-writing]

Never been good enough

Authors note: I haven't written in forever so please forgive me if this isn't the best but I would love to hear what you think!

Summary: You would never be good enough for Ariel

Word Count: 2.3k Warnings: Arguing, curse words, mentions of death, Elain slander, Tamlin makes an appearance

Part two: Left in regret

Part three: Why can't We?

There was always something so enticing about Azriel that you could never put your finger on. To simply put it he was fascinating. Being a part of the inner circle for as long as you have meant that you put your feelings for him aside, did what you thought was best for the group. Not only that but Azriel never gave you any signs that he was interested in you and there was no way you would let him know about your feelings. What if you guys dated and it didn't work out? Or worse, what if you told him and he didn’t feel the same way? These types of thoughts made a home in your head and they made it a point to consistently remind you that Azriel would only ever be a friend. But hey, better a friend then nothing at all, Right?

That was until Rhysand met Feyre and in turn met Nesta and Elain. This is where your downfall began. You were truly happy for your high lord and new high lady but could have done without her sisters. Nesta was always ready to pick a fight and tear you down with her words as if she were some wild animal backed into a corner that would bite if you tried to pet it. The comparison wasn’t far off, she basically was a wild animal. Elain on the other hand was, well, contemptible at best. From what you knew Elain was basically loved by all in the inner circle but you. There was just something about her that irked you to your core. In a world that praised the strong and belittled the weak, her innocence bothered you. Why did Feyre have to do everything for her sisters, especially the middle one? As an older sister yourself you would have made any sacrifice necessary to protect your little sister. In fact you did. Maybe that's why you resented the middle sister. 

Before the new additions were made to your family life was perfect, before under the mountain of course, the group was a perfectly balanced number and each person had their person. Rys with Armen, Mor and Cassian, you and Azriel. The group would spend long days giving each other a run for their money with stupid bets and at night you would have an even longer night getting drunk at ritas, but ever since Ryhsand met Feyre things changed almost instantly. It was like the people you once knew completely changed over night. You still knew who they were to their core but you didn’t recognize who they had become. 

Cassian bowed to an unwavering, impolite, ungrateful human turned fae also known as Nesta, he was willing to die for someone who would never give the time of day to even acknowledge that he existed. Amren found company in her ruthlessness, found friendship and understanding in her unbothered face. 

Mor found sisterhood among the complexities of healing with Feyre, through the grief and joy and thousands of other emotions one feels when finding themselves after trauma.

Ryhsand found his mate, the one he never thought he would meet. The one he was willing to die for as long as that meant she was safe.  

Azriel saw the need to protect someone as delicate as Elain. So he did. 

And you, you found a changed group of people before your very own eyes. 

“Azriel can I please hold the fancy special dagger?” the Shadowsinger simply stares at you from the other side of the ring. Today had been training day for everyone excluding Amren, if you asked her she would say it didn’t pertain to her, and while the boys took turns sparring you were teaching Mor a new fighting technique you learned recently. “No” the short answer was no surprise to you at all. “Why not? I even said please and I never say please” the inner circle could not wait to witness this scene unfold for this wasn’t an uncommon occurrence but considering that you were Azriels favorite amongst the group even if he refused to say it, they thought that maybe one day you would wear him down enough to the point where he lets you hold the truth teller. “y/n I have never let anyone hold that dagger and you will not be the first. You are more than capable of handling yourself without my blade.” “Exactly I am more than capable of handling a dagger Azriel. One day I will get the truth teller in my hands just you wait.” he simply raised his shoulders in a shrugging manner as if to say “yeah I’m not concerned”

To say you were surprised that Azriel gave Elain the truth teller would be an understatement but honestly you should of seen it coming. Not even a few days before he was rushing into the hybern camp to save Elain without any second thought. There was never a time in the five hundred years where Azriel threw himself into a situation like that where he didn’t at least take some time to plan everything out. As a spy yourself you knew that at least having a fraction of a plan could save your life but it appeared Arizel was willing to die to save her. Feyre's sister be damned. So to watch from afar as he handed over his dagger to inexperienced hands was truly a gut wrenching experience. How could your closest friend of literally hundreds of years spend his potentially last moments with someone who was basically a stranger instead of a true friend? It was a revealing moment, it either showed how kind he was to try and help a defenseless person have a means to defend themselves if the time came where it was needed or he truly had changed and no longer cared for you. You would have your answer sooner than you had hoped. 

For as long as you have existed you were trained as a spy for the cover up of an  assassin. It made you as deadly as anyone else in the inner circle, maybe even deadlier since no one ever saw their death by your hands coming. So when the time came to go to war you were ready. The Battle was bloody and ugly and cruel. It was long and it felt never ending for every body you cut down it seemed there was ten more to replace it. When you watched as Cassin dove from the sky just as the cauldron unleashed its power amongst the world, the fight seemed hopeless. How were you supposed to win when hybern had that kind of power to be used whenever the king wished? But as a warrior in your own right you just wished that when you died upon this battle field that it wasn’t for nothing. That everyone in your family made it home by the end of this war, you may not recognize your family anymore but they meant the world to you and you just wanted them to be safe no matter the cost. 

Seeing help arrive re-established your hope that Hybern wouldn’t win and it pushed you to fight that much harder but the renewed sense of vigor made you lose focus and that was your downfall. A hybern soldier came charging at you with the anger of a thousand suns and sliced your stomach in one quick motion and before you knew it you were one the ground bleeding out. 

The inner circle was checking on Cassian when an unexpected figure came walking in with your limp body in their arms. “Oh gods, y/n!’’ Mor was the first to stand up and gawk at you in Tamlins arms before the healers directed him to a place where they could properly work on you. Nothing was said as the healers started working, as the inner circles' minds were racing and as Tamlin was leaving. “Thank you” Tamlin didn’t even stop to acknowledge Rhysands form of gratitude. Azriel was the first to speak “How did we forget about her?” no one had an answer.  

Once back in Velaris with your healing underway you could tell that something was off within the group besides the obvious effects of a battle like that and a gut feeling told what it was. You could feel this sense of guilt every time you stepped foot into a room and you knew it was that they forgot about you, they never said that they did but while you were unconscious you could hear everything, and what you heard broke your heart. You were becoming an outsider in your own family. 

You watched day by day as Amren bickered with Nesta, Ryhsand flirt with Feyre and cassian with Nesta, watched as Elain and Azriel danced the line of lovers and watched as you were slowly distanced from the group but it all came to a head after a heated argument with Elain. You were sick and tired of her acting like she was helpless when she wasn’t. She was cauldron made and she needed to start acting like it or else it would get someone killed or even herself. It happened on a training day. 

The sun was beating down on your tired body and the whisper of a breeze was doing little to help and listening to Elain ask Azriel for help was driving you up a wall. “Azriel can you help me? I don’t think I'm doing this right?”  all she was doing was stretching and she needed help with it? “For fucks sake Elain do you want him to spoon feed you and wipe your ass for you while hes at it?” Everyone stopped at your outburst and stared at you. Nesta looked like she was ready to rip off your face but Azriel beat her to it “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” you watched as she shifted her body to be behind his as if she knew he would fight her battles for her. “What it means Azriel” you stalked into his space until you were face to face and watched over his shoulder and Elain moved to seek comfort between her sister and the high lord and you couldn’t help but scoff at her theatrics 

 “Is that all this group ever seems to do is baby her! She is not a child, she can handle herself. She doesn’t need you to teach her how to touch her toes Azriel but heaven forbid poor sweet Elain has to do something on her own for once. I mean my gods what aren’t you willing to do for her Azriel? Correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t you give her the truth teller?” Azriel was quick to interrupt “Is that what this is seriously about?” if looks could kill he would be dead because your glare is cutting him up into pieces “I wasn’t done. You gave her your dagger, you went into a hybern camp to save her, you answer her every single beck and call as if she's not fully capable of doing things for herself. You all enable this, every single one of you!” you point to every member of the inner circle “ And I have had enough of this bullshit! Its ridiculous! Elain loves to play sweet and innocent but really she just loves having people dote on her and not having to do anything herself.”  Everyone knew you were seething for they could see the redness creeping up your neck and into your face. And apparently you pissed off Elain

 “So what if Azriel did those things for me it has nothing to do with you so mind your own business.” you knew she wasn’t as nice as she seemed. “This has everything to do with me! I used to be his best friend, me! Not you! I watched everyone change when your family came along and it ruined mine! I have been in love with Azriel since the day I met him and yet I’ve had to watch him fall for you, who he hasn’t even known for two seconds! I heard him say that they forgot about me on the battlefield after hybern! So yes this is about me, I am an outsider in my own family!” The silence was deafening after watching you fight to speak through your tears and cracking voice. No one dared to move for fear of upsetting you even more or maybe it was the weight of your words keeping them in place. Azriel went to place a hand on top of your shoulder but you were quick to step out of his reach. “Y/n I had no idea you felt that way” again you couldn’t help but scoff “Of course not because you were too busy with sweet Elain to notice anything else.” he shook his head as if in a silent no “I am so sorry that we forgot about you there is no excuse it should of never happened. I-we never knew you felt this way, felt like you were being pushed away. But y/n why didn’t you ever tell me that you had feelings for me?” something broke in Azriels heart watching you cry, watched as your face scrunched in pain while you fought back sobs from taking over your body. Something pulled him to comfort you but he knew better than that. He couldn’t, not with Elain here.

“I have been telling you for five hundred years Azriel how much more do you want me to do? I may have never flat out said it but why do you think I stayed up waiting for you to come home after missions, or why I defended you against the teasing, or why I showed you my love in a thousand different ways but you never noticed even though you are the head spy master of the night court.” a sob racked your body forcing you to stop and Azriel wanted nothing more than to hold you until the tears stopped flowing and you felt whole again something in his soul was pulling him towards you but your next words stopped him in his tracks. “I never told you because to you it seems that I have never just been good enough. I have never been enough for you.”