#i mean i guess if anything this just goes to show how the ada can work well enough without dazai

[note-boom]

you know, we're so focused on the whole soukoku scene when they fought lovecraft and steinbeck (obviously so cause that was an EPIC scene) that we're completely forgetting the fact that kunikida and tanizaki fought them and won first...

[cookiekat-blogz]

Why is Akutagawa literally like the best Bungo Stray Dogs character ever?

this is half satire by the way, but I mayyy go into depth for SOME things if I feel like it. (big fat silly kinnie rant with spoilers)

#1

hes a cutie patootie. yeah he's brow-less but like, its 2024, who isn't? seriously. show me an alt person on tiktok with eyebrows /hj

#2

hes silly. Yeah he may be extremely violent especially twoards Atsushi (the foot in the face was definitely personal) and anyone else he is made to defeat, but that's quite literally how he was raised. Don't forget we're talking about PM Dazai here. He was raised by Mori, what can we say? (#justice4dazai2024) We can assume (using the BEAST manga) that up until the point where Dazai turned him down, the things that occurred were relatively close to canon.

(or not idk I didn't finish the mangas. why read some rando's essay that can't even spell's abt some sassy victorian man child on the internet, infact, why are you even reading this in the first place?)

So we can assume he's been through a hell-of-alot of trauma with everyone close to him. His siblings and friends dying, and even himself tasting death and Dazai was practically his savior-- his controversial, abusive, strict, hot, gay, problematic, silly, teenage savior. Even if that's not what went down in the main series, what he went through was enough for Akutagawa to idolize Dazai, the same man that has hurt him oh so much.

(hey its the cycle of abuse, and guess who was next in line?) that's right, Kyouka. (even if Kyouka was more impacted by Kouyou) But no, this won't be a rant about Akutagawa and Kyouka's relationship, it's simply "Why you should love Aku" and totally nothing else. wait, what was I saying??

#3

he's headless, be nice /j

#4

the fit is fire. I mean like, bring back ruffles frl. he ate down. he's even so silly he doesn't even know the name of the ruffle thing he's wearing (the collar ruffle thing is called a cravat.)

#5

hes a Picies. They do no wrong. Trust me, I know. (totally not biased or anything)

#6

His relationship with Atsushi. Their so cute like every scene together even when their fighting its just like 'make out alr'. He seems heartless and cruel and its like he hates Atsushi, but really as you can see when "Where's Your Head At?" by Basement Jaxx started playing, he cares for Atsushi deep down inside. Deep, deep, deep down. Must be really deep if it took literally dying to be nice. Seriously, even if he called him a 'damn fool' he's smiling, it's so sweet it makes me cry. As the blood traversing in his neck goes on its repetitive journey for its sole purpose of bringing oxygen to the rest of his body, it suddenly changes direction, hurriedly spraying out of the newfound opening made by a time traveling sword, and finally escaping through his pale, soon to be lifeless, dark red soaked neck. Yet, he is smiling through it all, telling his furry boyfriend "rival" to run. he cares. Just look at this beautifully colored pannel by Akutagoth on reddit:

def didn't want an excuse to show this beautiful art or anything.

#7

hes an introvert, fight me on this real.

#8

hes fruity. you don't even have to ship sskk to agree, just listen to how he talks. either this or he's a time traveler from the 19th century.

#9

the hair solos, like seriously, his hair is so cool I want it. bring back dark to light fade. /srs

#9 1/2 (I made a specific post just for this so you can just skip it.)

Also, speaking of hair, anyone else ever notice how yin-yang Akutagawa and Atsushi are? Yeah they are both orphans that were taken in by Dazai and "abused by their handler" ('handler' is wild ngl) but in the main series Atsushi is more Yang and Akutagwa is more Yin, character wise, and even design wise. Yet, in Beast (a spin-off where Akutagawa ends up in the ADA and Atsushi ends up in the PM) the roles are reversed and Aku is more Yang and Atsu is more Yi, further emphasizing that this difference between the two isn't accidental (not claiming simply speculating).

Akutagawa is relatively bad but he has shown how he could be good, in the main series, Wan, and beast. he's undeniably a good brother (just look at how much he cares for his sister in beast, he even joined the ADA and made it his purpose to find her after he learned that she was in the mafia.) He keeps promises, hates meaningless torture-- which believe it or not shows a bit about his character-- (haha he does have emotions even if it may be stemmed from a deep psychological trauma). He also has a mainly dark but light accent wardrobe, from the ends of his hair to the very same accessory that he can't even name. help I ran out of good character traits I think I'm failing

Atsushi is relatively good, and even seems to be blind to it at times, but he has shown his not the best traits. He's kinda like Gon, but less merciless, even when it comes to fights with Akutagawa (sometimes). His good:bad ratio is pretty skewed though, no matter how much he may envy or hate his kindness kinda just... drowns it out. Evil headmaster dies? cry. Evil goth boyfriend partner dies? scream. Evil American enemy still lives? team up with him. Evil 14 year old serial assassin in the port mafia exist? save her.

Although, he's pretty rash/blunt (that Dazai diss was wild aku didn't do anything to deserve that) and its also shown in wan and other scenes in the main series that he would probably participate in a 2017-19 roast battle(hj) and holds some strong grudges. (help I ran out of bad character traits he's too good, its like he's so good and he doesn't even try.) Butttt apperence wise, his singular black hair streak in a head of light whatever-colored-hair (in contrast to Akutagawa's) and accents of black (suspenders, tail-belt-thing that moves as if he was Cat Noir, tie, gloves, pants, shoes) do what Akutagwa's 19th century ruffles do best. Be utterly useless and ugly and feed into the theory that he is a time traveler Contrast.

Basically, Shin Soukoku canon because opposites attract.

#10

back to number 2, he's silly. he's super sassy and may be a bit slow sometimes have thought that shrimp grows from the dirt but just watch/read bsd wan! he's so cute <33 sure his back may be bigger(j) but still, just look:

hope that was enough to convince you cause I'm out of reasons sorry bro.

[nescaveckwriter]

Stethoscopes & Triangles - Chapter 3 🐞💕

Sam Winchester x reader

A/N: Wow y'all this one is intense, and a few surprises awaits. Hold on to your seats, its a messy ride 😋

Side Note: Thank you so much for every like and repost, comment and message I really do appreciate all of them, also do not hesitate to give me your opinion... Much love - Nesca 💕🐞❤️

Warnings: Hospital, blood, angst, fear, anything else you know what to do.🐞

Chapter 3 🐞❤️💕

Yank her even more towards his chest, clenching the knife, his knuckles white, as he pushed the knife towards the crook of her neck, piercing the skin even more, she whimpers, as the blade, goes deeper, the man's loud voice as he warns ''do not come closer, or... or the doc gets it'' almost deafening her. 

The security guard , putting his hands in the air, as he retreats, not wanting to upset the distressed man any further.  ''Good! Get back'' the man warned

While the man, was franticly going on about someone saving his brother, he didn't catch a glimpse of an older man, charging towards him and the doctor, knocking the two of them to the floor. Its the smell of cigarettes and bourbon , coming from the old guy that hits Amy first, then all of the sudden she feels the lukewarm red liquid running down her neck, towards her collar bone. The security guard, comes running closer, quickly taking ahold of his arms, making sure his tied up, he radio's dispatch, letting them know there's been an incident.

Nurse Brown, comes closer towards their position, she gasps as she sees her best friend sitting up, pain evident on her delicate face, her skin color paler than normal. The knife, wedged into her the side of her neck. Her voice shaky ''Amy''

Looking at her best friend, puzzled, shuddering ''I'm Okay'' 

The older man, gets up, glancing over at the woman, he just rescued. Panicked ''I'm so sorry''

Nurse Brown orders a porter, to run and find Dr. Lafitte the surgeon ''Quickly Dammit'' she shouted.

One of the other nurses, walks closer towards Amy, trying to assist with the situation, some padding already in hand. Amy looks up at the nurse. ''LEAVE IT!'' she warns. knowing one wrong move, and it could worsen the situation. Not moving a muscle she just sits there, her eyes widen ''Ada!''

''Yes sweetie''

Her voice steady, not revealing, how she really feels deep inside, afraid, in pain, distraught and on edge. ''The man who saved me, is he okay?''

In Shock ''what, your worried about him?'' realizing what she just said, glancing towards him ''I'm.. so sorry, I didn't mean it that way''

Gesturing with his hands, that its okay, he walks toward the injured, brave woman. His gruff voice, filled with compassion.  ''Hey! Looks like we both had a terrible day,''

A half-smile forms on her heart shaped lips. ''Yeah I guess so, what's your name, and thank you''

''You can call me John'' he smiled showing the lines across his face

''Hi, John I'm Amy, what brings you here today?'' she mumbled 

''Need to come in for dialysis, my freaking kidneys gave in a while back, but hey I'm not complaining'' his forehead creased

Her eyes feeling heavy, speech starting too slur ''Shit, sorry''

The man kneels down to her side, seeing she's loosing consciousness, his calloused hands gripping her shoulders tightly, holding her in an upright position. 

The last thing she sees, are the concerned brown eyes of the older man, as her eyelids closed.

---

Sitting in the theatre hallway, waiting on some news, not really sure if his heart is still beating, it kind of stopped, when he got the call from Ada, that Amy was rushed into surgery, it's all been one big haze, hell he's not even sure, how he got here. His hands are still shaking, from adrenaline, maybe anger, probably both. If he gets ahold of the bastard, he would... biting his lower lip, trying not to go there. Underneath his breath, he lets out a silent whisper ''Please be okay baby, I can't loose you, your the only family I have''

His long fingers, playing with the watch, as he keeps an eye on that door, waiting for news, hoping and praying for the best, but fearing the worst. Feeling a slender hand on his shoulder, noticing it's Ada, ''Hi'' is all he could let out, her green eyes, bloodshot, devastated look on her face, her voice shaky ''Hi Sam, so sorry about Amy''

Stunned he glares at her, his voice barely audible ''Is...Is she?''

''No, no I don't have any news, I'm just sorry about what happened'' 

Just nodding his head and mouthing a ''thank you'' he focusses all his attention on the door again, waiting for news. It feels like hours when Doctor Lafitte finally comes out, Sam searches his face for any evidence about how the operation went, but nothing, is it a special gift they have, he strides closer to meet the man halfway, 

His voice husky ''we were able to repair the damage and close the wound, in the removal of the blade, it nicked an artery, so we had to repair that as well, but she'll make a full recovery, without any foreseen complications.''

Dragging his hands over his tired face, a half-smile on his lips ''Thank you, really, when can I see her?''

''They are just taking her to the ICU, so we can keep an eye on her, but you can go in too see her, Ada will show you the way'' 

''Thank you, once again'' Sam says passing by him, following Ada. 

Stopping in his tracks, observing, her laying there, machines and cables and tubes everywhere. Dragging himself over to her, pulling a chair closer, feeling like his legs, aren't able to carry his weight, he plunges down, grabbing a hold of her hand, his eyes welled up, distress evident in his smoky voice, ''Sweetie, I'm here'' his lips brushing her fingers before he covers her hand in his.

---

He walked closer, to were they said Amy's room was, he needs to check in on her, make sure she's okay for himself, and after today he needs a little good news, shaking his head as he allows his thoughts to wander to a earlier conversation with his eldest son ''you know what dad, your upset because I left? You left the day mom died, you were suppose to be our father, instead I was the father.'' he heard the slurring in his son's voice, knowing all too well, how that sounds, trying to warn him about drinking to much, didn't really go well. ''Dammit dad, your one to preach, about drinking! Where do you think I got it from? The only thing I ever got from you is my bad habits, because I sure as hell didn't get any fatherly love, you were so caught up in your own damn world, you forgot you had children''  It's not like his son was wrong, but he hoped, they could build a bond, when he called, with the time he had left he'd wanted to make up, for being so screwed up that, he hoped, maybe his son's would forgive him, but the possibility looked bleak. Shrugging up his shoulders, ''At least I did one good thing, saving a woman, I couldn't save my wife, nor can I save my relationships with my sons, but at least, I weren't completely useless'' he whispered underneath his breath.

Before entering the room, his sees her lying there, as he observes the room, he sees a man with brown, mid-length hair, sitting at her bedside, something about this hunched over man seemed familiar, the man lifts up his head towards her, his face strong, a little bit of stubble covering his chin, towards the side of his jaw, it feels like his heart rejoices and sinks at the same time, yes! it's him, his a lot older, he isn't the boy that went to college, but a man, a fully grown man, shaking his head in disbelief, ''How is this even possible?'' it's him, his youngest son, Sam Winchester, unsure of what to do next, he questions himself ''does he go in, or walk away'' Stepping one foot forward, and then realizing, seeing him, now, there, might be the last thing Sam needs right now, he turns around, walking into the hallway, trying to get away from there as fast as he can, he sees the exit, walking into the dead of night, eyeballing the dark skies, letting out a sigh, somehow he always found comfort in the darkness, as he strides further into the night, he can't wonder if his son's will ever be able to forgive him. 

Chapter Four Here ;)

[kyouka-supremacy]

what do you think happened to Akutagawa's coat? I mean we saw that Atsushi left the submarine without the coat, where do you think it could be? do you think Atsushi lost the coat or left it somewhere??

I think it was implied to have been lost, as much as I can hate the thought of it. Atsushi isn't shown carrying it after landing on the beach, and the idea of him minding to carefully store it for Akutagawa... Doesn't really sit right you know, Atsushi isn't used to care for Akutagawa. I guess we'll have to see, because we still don't know how Atsushi's feelings have changed for Akutagawa– although, as for his thoughts in chapter 88 it doesn't seem like they've changed all that much (╥﹏╥) We'll probably learn more about how Atsushi's perception of Akutagawa has changed when he'll (hopefully) meet him at the airport. Who knows, it's possible that maybe then Atsushi will take out the coat to try and make Akutagawa come back to senses*: I feel like if there's anyone who's gonna pull off a “I know you're still there”, then it's going to be sskk.

If Akutagawa ends up surviving, it would be sweet to have a nice moment with Atsushi returning the coat to Akutagawa (fic writers LOVE the scenario), but realistically we know it's not going to happen (@/Asagiri prove me wrong challenge)– if anything it sounds more likely we'll have Akutagawa with his coat back no explanation given lmao. If his coat really got lost at sea, I just KNOW Akutagawa would dive to the bottom of the ocean to get it once he got back to his senses: after all, he already did it once (I'm not kidding peoples for some insane reason Akutagawa free diving to inhuman depths is literally canon).

If Akutagawa is dead-dead, I really need his coat to become integral part of Atsushi's outfit. I don't care if it'll never happen. It just makes so much sense on so many levels. Atsushi coming to a huge character development that shows directly in his appearance: him letting go of his very black and white worldview to understand that even bad people can do good, and that being reflected in his apparence changing from being predominantly white to having a balance of black and white. Atsushi every day carrying with him a reminder of all the pain and death the doa attack caused. Atsushi keeping a memorial of his long date dead rival wherever he goes to motivate himself by reminding that even if his soulmate-enemy is gone, he must carry on fighting with everything he's got for him too (no homo). If the whole yin yang / two faces of the same coin metaphor can't apply anymore, it's only fair Atsushi becomes a synthesis of the both of them, you know? Akutagawa's memory living on through him. But also, I just think Atsushi really deserves a coat?? There's this curious pattern of coats being particularly common between important characters in bsd (Dazai wore a coat in Dark Era and still wears a coat with his ada outfit, Akutagawa wears a coat, Chuuya wears a coat, Mori wears a coat, and even Beast Akutagawa, Atsushi and Dazai all wear coats. It's hard to think of it being a coincidence or lazy character design); I feel it's about time the protagonist starts wearing one too?

* Although there is no way Atsushi could have schemed it as he has no idea Akutagawa has been vampirized and is currently milling about, unless someone else informed him in the meanwhile.

[voidcat]

congrats on 500 dei 😱 can i request dazai + #4 (driving hc) <3 have a great day :D

thaaaaaank u rai !! and ofc,, anything for this beast of a man... thank u sm i hope u have a great day as well !!!! (this is my only non self indulgent dazai writing, im feeling # proud)

Dazai + Driving Headcanons

Just like how the agency didn't know what Dazai used to do before joining ADA, they don't know whether he can drive or not – and they're not exactly dying to know the answer to this.

Knowing Dazai always full of surprises and skillful in many areas, it's not a far fetched guess to assume he can drive, but this begs the question: does he have a drivers license? Kunikida is pretty certain a lazy ass like Dazai cannot even prepare for the exam or be there on time, let alone find an exam suited for his... unique style.

These concerns his colleagues have isn't exactly a fly around Dazai either. He is more than happy to keep up the facade that he cannot drive and enjoys being given rides to any and everywhere they need to go.

It's a moment of weakness on Kunikida's part, a particularly busy day, when he does the mistake of holding out his car keys without looking up and asking him to drive. Poor man still has no idea how he survived without any injuries.

Dazai in traffic is a beast... The speed never goes down and on top of it he always enters the tiniest bit of alleys, claiming it's a shortcut. By the time they reach, they have arrived earlier than participated but Kunikida cannot tell if it's because of the insane speed Dazai has made or if the routes he took were shortcuts only known to locals of those neighbourhoods.

After this incident, whatever driving privileges Dazai had are banned permanently, for the sake of everyone's safety and Kunikida's heart.

As much of a mess as he is in traffic, at night, he is completely different. Dazai likes to drive at night quite often and it's a rather soothing ride. Where everything but the road lightened up by the car headlights completely a void, sometimes the moon so high up, shining like a pearl behind a veil – he enjoys the serenity, it feels like an escape from reality.

And there aren't many who know about this either. You figure he does this mostly to rest when he cannot sleep, which is frighteningly common for him. The first night he offers you to join him, you're taken a back. He claims you shouldn't bother with a different means of transport at this hour and that he doesn't mind, he is used to driving at this hours. With music in your ears, you steal glances at him often. And long before you can tell, you're drifting away.

One after another, he invites you more often. Perhaps it's his way of letting someone in, to the best of his abilities. More than happy to accompany, you always come, sometimes show up with a drink; some nights the two of you talk, some nights there's eternal silence, but never suffocating or uncomfortable.

[shadyteacup]

If you’re still doing requestsssssss how about a hcs of Dazai x fem! Reader who is like Midari from Kakegurui 😌

Ooh thats a nice one! Yes love, I'm still doing requestss

And I'm so sorry, this is so late... also it's very long n I'm not exaggerating. It's not even funny I'm so sorry

I'm Crazy, But I'm Free

Dazai x Fem!reader who is like Midari

• You and Dazai probably met during his days at the port mafia.

• I can imagine the mafia capturing you because of how much trouble you were causing in a casino.

• UK, when big businesses pay gangsters for security?? Yeah, similarly the casino you were playing at, has paid the mafia.

• You were already banned from many other casinos, as your games either end with you gaining a lot of money, or begin with a dangerous condition.

• Many people were quite afraid of you, and wanted to avoid even being in the same room as you, as they couldn't handle the severity of the danger you pose with every game.

• Anyways, so you were warned by a few members of the mafia twice, but you, being the fearless adventurer you are, flipped them off and continued to seek a life threatening game.

• So then the mafia decided to use violence, and cornered you in a dark alley. You pulled out your beloved gun.

"Well, well, well! Do you boys want a fight!?", you excitedly point the gun at them.

"Put your weapon down, Ms. L/N. We are here to warn you for the final time. Stay away from this casino. Further misbehavior will lead to dangerous consequences."

You hum, thinking up a plan.

"How about this. My revolver has 5 bullets. And there are five of us. How about we all take turns to shoot blindfolded!"

You excitedly shove them in a circular arrangement.

"I'll go first! The rules are that every person gets a chance to shoot from the center of the circle. If the bullet misses, everyone takes a step ahead, closer to the center."

You explain, grinning at the men clad in all black.

"If a bullet hits me, I'll agree to your terms. If it hits one of you lot, then you can't stop me anymore. What do you say?!"

The mafiosi were weirded out by this. What if you had a good aim, or an ability that allowed you to shoot them with your eyes closed? They didn't have much intel on you, and only knew you to be a girl from a rich background, who had come to Yokohama for higher studies.

"That's enough. Grab her-"

• Thats when our boy showed up. Dazai was curious when he overheard some of the men talk about some 'fearless girl that had flipped them off even after two rather threatening warnings.'

• So he had decided to tag along, staying in the shadows, until now.

• "I think it will be a wonderful idea. Play along, gentlemen. I want to see where this goes."

• You shot, and missed. So did the other guy. Then the other one. Now, the circle had shrunk really small. You were almost in the line of fire at this point. There was an 80% chance of getting shot.

• "That's enough." ,Dazai said, as he walked to stand in front of you.

• "You are daring, aren't you. You're not afraid of death."

• Staring into his eyes, you saw a reflection of yourself. A dark, lost soul stared back at you.

• "In fact, you arranged this little game to ensure that you got hurt. You perfectly planned it out, and ensured that as the circle gets smaller, you would be in the direct line of fire."

• "You missed the first shot on purpose, didn't you?"

• He had seen right through your game.

'What's this guy's deal?', you thought.

"Why would you stop the game when it was at its peak? Hah? Whats wrong with you, man?!", you angrily grab his collar. "I was just beginning to have fun, and here you are, ruinjng it!"

• Taken aback by your bravery, he just blinked at you.

"Do you know who I am?"

"Yes, obviously, idiot. But that doesn't give you any right to interrupt our game."

"Oh? So who do you think I am."

You give him a 'baka janiono?' look.

"You are their leader. Probably an executive of the mafia, judging by your expensive suit. Why?"

The thoughts running through Dazai's head were along the lines of :

'Just who is this girl? How does she know about the mafia? Surely my men weren't dumb enough to tell her who they work for. How does she know about my position? She surely didn't just guess that, right?? And why the fuck does a student have a gun? Does her family have connections within the underworld? She obviously doesn't fear death. Will she be a good addition to the mafia?'

• "What are you thinking about, baka? Answer me."

• He smiled sweetly at you, and firmly gripped your wrist, pushing it off his collar.

"There's someone who would like to meet you"

Before you can retort back, he continues,"You seek adventure, do you not? You want to feel something worthwhile. Something akin to facing death, something that will give you an adrenaline rush. I can give you all of that. If you come with me, that is."

• Mori was shocked when he heard about what had happened. He agreed with Dazai's decision to make you join the ranks. He needed such fearless crackheads in his organization.

• He paired you up with the double black, making you an executive too. You hadn't quite agreed to his terms, but he had offered you to just accompany the ginger and the brunette on a mission. And had let you make the final decision .

• You three had to go to an abandoned warehouse, where some people were tampering with the mafia goods. There, you saw how sadistic Dazai was. How manipulative and bad he was. It made you fall for him. Hard. Plus, you realized the risk of being a mafiosi. It was quite thrilling.

• When you got back, you had screamed at mori to let you join. Quite literally begged. And he, ofcourse, agreed. You hadn't even given him a chance to threaten your life, which was the usual norm, when a valuable asset wasn't willing to join the ranks of the feared organization.

• You trained with dazai. And purposely got hit. It turned you on. But you never mentioned anything, in fear of being rejected.

• Dazai, ofcourse, noticed this, and one fine day, confronted you about it. You told him just how much you love him. He was always intrigued by your sadistic side. He saw a part of himself in you. The daring, brave, smart side of yours was something so similar to himself, yet unique. You were seeking the same thing that he was, that is to feel something. He felt sadness, and loneliness, and he never had a purpose in life. You, someone who had it all, a good family, a great marksheet, and a pre set goal in life, were willing to give it away, just to feel something. He, someone who was stripped off of a normal childhood, was never given the opportunity to choose. He used to think that maybe he was to blame. Maybe if he had had better luck, he would have gotten a good childhood, a purpose. But now that he knows you, a genius, smart person, who had it all, but threw it away, he realized that maybe life really is worthless. Maybe, he wasn't to be blamed. And that, oddly enough, made him feel better. To know that no matter how much lady luck favors him, life would still be fucked up, and that it wasn't his fault, made him hate himself less.

• And so, you two became a thing.

• Let's just say, that both of you are equally freaky.

• You want him to dom u, and he gladly accepts

• You guys try it all... I mean, especially with guns.

• I can imagine you both sitting at a boring meeting, when you decide to edge him on, and you're not even touching him. Your gun is.

• You both claim atleast one spare room on every floor of the building, for your.... activities.

• You are like his praise queen.

• He loves that.

• Always rough. Always. And you guys are into spicing it up.

• Anyways, you both never decide to commit double suicide.

• Thats because dazai wants a beautiful way out, while you want to feel the thrill of facing death. You don't really want to die, you just want to know the feeling of almost dying. You want to feel something exhilarating.

• When Dazai decides to leave the mafia, you are all for it. As long as you get to stay by his side, you were ok with it.

• Like Midari, you are a very perceptive person, and can easily guess what's going on in someone's mind. Dazai was easy to read for you, as his thoughts were pretty similar to your own.

• You were smart, cunning, and could read peoples mind with ease. So it was pretty easy for you to guess what's going on in Dazai's mind, sometimes even predicting his next moves.

• You really fit in with the ada, coz that place is filled with crackheads, and you and dazai are no exception lol

• Also, you get along with Yosano really well.

• Like, if you weren't so loyal to dazai, you would have become Yosanos slave. So would i ngl

• Anyways, you and dazai always mess with kunikida. You two prank him till the breaking point. You two are such a menace in the office. Always skipping work, slacking off, but really shining when it comes to actual detective work, like solving mysteries.

• You are a valuable asset to the ada, coz 1. You are smart and 2. You can intimidate the enemy into giving in, thanks to your sadistic games.

• You are also a very good companion. You can easily understand what the other is feeling, and end up comforting the gang.

• I can imagine you roasting Kunikida for being such a nerd, but at the same time giving him accurate and well needed advice .

• You do the same for your bf, and the two of you have many late night convos about topic that Dazai had never discussed with anyone before. Because no one had quite understood him the way you did.

• Midari is actually a pretty deep character, and just like her, you have many layers. There's the sadistic side, the goofy side, the careless side, the intelligent side and the insightful nature.

• You would be his perfect partner, as you'd support his crazy, reckless ideas, but at the same time keep him afloat, and prevent him from drowning in his own thoughts.

[murswrites]

Mx. Not-so-Innocent ⎯ Thomas Shelby Blurb

Pairings: Thomas Shelby x Reader, Ada Shelby x Reader Fandom: Peaky Blinders MASTERLIST Warnings: cursing, drinking, harassment SUMMARY: [see request] Request from anon: Tom x Reader where she is Ada’s friend and she is really kind and the brothers often make fun of her because she looks so innocent. One day they are in the Garrison and a man touches Ada but before the guys can do anything she goes full protection mode and punches him. (edited)

“Tommy Shelby will be the bloody death of me,” You mused while nursing your second glass of gin, Ada giggled loudly while nodding. “He thinks because I’m quiet that I can’t defend myself.”

“I second that notion!” She clicks her glass with yours, clearly wasted beyond saving because she’s shouting. “That bastard keeps you on a leash these days, Y/N. I hardly ever see ya anymore,” Ada leaned on your shoulder for support before you noticed how melancholic she looked.

Your eyebrows furrowed in concern, “Ada, my love, what’s wrong?”

She looked like she was about to cry and it made your heart ache, “My arsehole of a brother took you from me, I miss the old days-” Her voice cut off as she jerked forward, you barely caught her before realizing what made Ada jump.

A man stood behind her with a sickening grin on his face. The sight of the Shelby brothers making their way across the Garrison is what made you act. Before the man could say anything else, you knocked that smirk right off of his face.

The sound of your fist colliding with his jaw was loud and gross, you knew you broke his jaw from the way he held it. The man laid on the ground as everyone around yourself and Ada quieted down, in awe of what just happened. “Touch another woman and I won’t just break your fuckin’ jaw, they’ll have to wire it shut if there’s a next time!”

It was unlike you to act out violently. You hardly ever spoke up about things that irritated you so the surprise evident on Tommy’s face was valid. Your fist burned like hell but you refused to show your pain. “That extends to everyone in here! Touch someone without their permission and I’ll personally make sure hell rains down on you!”

“Jesus, Y/N, who knew you had such a good right hook!” Arthur exclaimed loudly, the others in the pub still stared, “Well, go on then! Get back to drinkin’!” With that, the people began talking over one another again.

Ada’s eyes were wide as she hugged you, “You didn’t have to do that, Y/N.”

“Yes I did, every fucker in here deserves to know their harassment shall not go on without consequence.”

“Is your hand hurt?” Tommy’s voice was low as usual as you shrugged it off, “Come in the snug so I can look at it. Pretty sure I heard the crack from over there.”

Once inside the snug, Tommy took his time in examining your hand. “Guess you’re not as innocent as I believed.”

Your eyes rolled involuntarily, “Tom just because I’m meek don’t mean I’m defenseless. I can hold my own just fine.”

His rare chuckle sounded and it made you smile despite the ache in your knuckles, “Oh I know that now, Mx. Not-so-Innocent.”

[lovelyirony]

"a single thread of gold/tied me to you" for ironhusbands?💛

If there is one thing that James Rhodes cannot stand, it is “love at first sight.” In his professional and personal opinion, there is no such thing. It is simply a concept that Disney invented so they could make cutesy stories about princesses finding their princes immediately and give people hope about love, but in the end it is all about the money. 

“You’re a cynic,” his sister Jeanie tells him over breakfast. She flings a stray Cheerio at him. “You are a cynic and you’re never gonna date someone because they’re going to think you suck.” 

“People are going to date me and realize that I’m a good, realistic choice,” James responds, sticking his tongue out and stealing a drink of her orange juice. “People are going to date you and you’ll be disappointed because you watched too many romantic movies and you let it taint reality.” 

“Loser.” 

“Dork.” 

And then he’s in college. 

Surprisingly, he doesn’t meet Tony Stark for two years despite the fact that every single year, they live in the same building on different floors. He has had to evacuate about twenty different times because Tony cannot stop himself from doing experiments in his room. 

The third year, James is an RA and required to live with one of the residents because of “experimental tendencies.” They don’t elaborate on why he’s stuck with a roommate, what the tendencies are, or who he is. 

“You’ll know,” comes the email from the coordinator, and he has never wanted to curse so badly in an email before, but here he is. 

But he’ll deal with it. Just like how he’s going to deal with everything this year. 

-

He thought he would get the room to himself for a little while before everyone moved in and brought everything and he would check them in. 

But no. 

There’s his roommate, lounging on a bed, and grinning. 

“Simply enlightening to meet you, James. They told me I could come back if I had a trusted roommate.” 

“And they stuck you with me?” 

“Well they were going to stick me with some dude who got the email, and then immediately transferred to Dartmouth. So I think you were the second option.” 

“Great.” 

He hates life, maybe just a little bit. 

Tony wants to do things. Which is fine, but he isn’t really in the mood to have the conversation of the fact that he can do things, but he doesn’t want to do them. He has to focus on being an RA and preparing for the Air Force. 

“Why prepare for that when you could be living?” Tony asks, lounging on Rhodey’s bed. 

Oh yeah, that’s new too. Rhodey. Apparently, “Jim,” “James,” and “Rhodes” were unacceptable nicknames. 

What is acceptable is Rhodey. And of course, the “honey bunches of oats” and “loveliest RA of all time in the history of MIT” and “sugar-puff” and “sweetness overload” 

He’s responding to all of them, by the way. 

Rhodey didn’t think his mental health would get this bad by the beginning. He had actually scheduled it to be around October. 

- 

And then the students come. There are nervous freshmen, the sophomores who don’t say anything as they move in and get settled, and the returning juniors and seniors greet Rhodey and Tony with familiarity and laugh about the posters that Rhodey’s worked hard on. 

“So, we’re having joint-RA’s or something?” Miles asks, throwing his comforter over his bed. 

“No, we’re not,” Rhodey says, hoping his expression is somewhere along the lines of not-showing-emotion. “Tony’s just...” 

“I’m simply too exhausting for Housing to deal with anymore, so I have a babysitter,” Tony says with a wink. “And who better than our lovely Rhodey?” 

“Don’t call me that.” 

“Sugar-puff?” 

“Still no.” 

Miles snorts. 

“This year should be good. Tony, you gonna pull any fire alarms this year?” 

“Rhodey has expressly banned experiments in the building, unfortunately,” Tony sighs. “It’s like he doesn’t want everyone to bond over having to leave at two in the morning...” 

“Nothing says bonding like hating a rude wake-up call,” Rhodey says, and Tony nods. “We’ll let you get all moved in, Miles. Remember that floor dinner is at six!” 

“You got it!” 

Rhodey gives Tony a look. 

“You know, I can do this on my own.” 

“Aw shutterbug, I’m not gonna let you.” 

“Are you really this intent on following me around?” 

“Well, what if I want to overtake your position next year? What if you tragically get a raging headache and it’s up to me to know what to do? What if your mother kidnaps you and never lets you come here again?” 

“I’m sure the college kids will be fine,” Rhodey stresses. “And I’ll still have access to email and the groupchat, genius.” 

Tony just laughs. 

“Alright, okay. I gotta go get some shit for my new class. The teacher sent out an email stating that the textbook is mandatory, and we have to do book work. This feels like eighth grade all over again.” 

Rhodey snorts. 

“Is it for Professor Casper?” 

“Yeah, did you have him?” 

“Yeah, you don’t need the book. You can find it online for free, and he never collects the book work. It’s a waste of time to get the book.” 

“You’re an angel-and-a-half, love of my life,” Tony says. “And for that, I’ll snag an extra pudding for you at the dining hall.” 

“Is it vanilla or chocolate this time?” 

“Chocolate with cookies in it.” 

“Oh my god, seriously? Already?” 

“Guess they must have had a jump,” Tony teases. “I’ll see you at dinner.” 

- 

Tony has a specific way of getting people to open up and actually talk with others that Rhodey envies. 

If Tony wasn’t so hellbent on convincing the group that if Miles and Kamala create a distraction, they could totally sneak out one of the pictures of the mascot. 

“We are not doing that the first week,” Rhodey says. “Maybe the last.” 

“It’s a beaver,” Tony whines. “Who’s gonna miss it, a Canadian?” 

“It’ll be the floor bonding activity,” Gwen says, finishing off her fifth (maybe sixth) slice of pizza. “Better than talking about your feelings about the campus or whatever.” 

“No.” 

“We’ll convince him soon,” Tony whispers conspiratorially. “Also, who here is a freshman? I have some advice regarding the math classes and which teacher you want...” 

- 

Rhodey does have to admit, that sometimes it’s easier to have Tony around, who is so willing to stay up until the late hours because of some stupid drama or to help Peter at his chemistry homework and also ease his anxiety about leaving his Aunt May all alone. 

Tony isn’t all wild and crazy as stories have led him up to be. 

"I wore out all my crazy freshman year after going to two frat parties and deciding that no one knew anything about how to have fun,” he declared. “I mean, come on. Why have beer pong when you could quiz people about obscure fashion facts?” 

Rhodey snorts. 

“Don’t make that the next game night. Hey, what do you think about having a movie night this Friday? I’m thinking something not scary, we’ve been doing a lot of those.” 

“It is October, what do you mean not scary?” 

“Some of our residents don’t like scary,” Rhodey reminds him. “Honestly, I think we could do with a bit of Halloween fun.” 

“Hocus Pocus? Double Double, Toil and Trouble? If you want to be slightly scared of old women and clown parties, I’d recommend it.” 

“You weren’t scared of clowns beforehand?” 

“Of course not, I wanted what they have; the ability to fit eighteen people in a car.” 

“Couldn’t you just gut the car?” 

“Not the same effect, honey-pie. Not the same effect.” 

Miles and Peter both end up lobbying for Hocus Pocus, with little to no competition other than a promise that the other choice would be shown later on in the semester. 

They’ve shoved all the chairs together and multiple people have brought out their own chairs, and Tony saves a seat for Rhodey under the premise of “Rhodey organized it, he gets a seat.” 

It’s a tough squeeze, and Tony and Rhodey get all tangled up together. 

Tony smells like expensive cologne and coffee, and he grins up at Rhodey and maybe the lights from the TV aren’t bright enough, but for a moment his heart skips a beat. 

Well. Shit. 

When he goes home for Thanksgiving break, Tony seems a bit...sad. 

“What, your mom cook the worst turkey in the world?” he jokes. 

"Sure,” Tony says, eyes unfocused. “Yeah.” 

"Dude, you okay?” 

“Yeah,” Tony says, turning. His smile brightens, eyes crinkling. “Why wouldn’t I be fine, buttercup?” 

Rhodey gives him a look. 

“I’m gonna call you when I get home, okay? You better answer.” 

“I always answer to you,” Tony says, and damn Rhodey’s mind shouldn’t be going where it is. 

Rhodey waves, gets in his car, and thinks about how Tony most likely has a problem on his mind, how he should probably not room with him, and his Aunt Ada’s green beans. 

God, he loves those green beans. 

- 

Tony is alone for Thanksgiving. Jarvis and Ana got an opportunity to visit Aunt Peggy in England, and he knew that they hadn’t seen her in two years. He didn’t want to be selfish, have them stay just for him. 

So, it looked like deli turkey sandwiches were in his future. If there’s still some soda in the fridge, maybe that too. 

He sighs, and turns towards the lab. Dum-E’s not even here, as he didn’t fit in the travel car, so Tony let him loose on the floor to “keep guard” over the dorms and make sure that no one broke in or stole the cords that he knows he accidentally left in the common room. 

The odd thing is, he had almost told Rhodey. Almost let him know that he’d be alone for Thanksgiving, but is that weird? That’s weird, right? To tell people your emotions just...it’s so messy. 

They have to deal with it, you have to deal with the fact that they’re dealing with it, and then other people know that you both are dealing with it and it’s just a whole mess of epic proportions, you know? 

-

Rhodey finds out on Thanksgiving, when they’re doing the parade on the TV and there’s a new snippet on the gossip channel when they go on commercial break. 

Howard and Maria Stark, vacationing off the Mediterranean Coast. 

“It’s reported that Tony Stark has preferred to spend his time in the vacation home,” the news reporter said, her smile wide and placid. 

“Tony’s lucky,” Mama says, wrapping golden yarn around her fingers as she works on another sweater. (A small one, a tiny one. It’s for the new baby in the family for Christmas.) “He tell you about it?” 

“He’s not there,” Rhodey says numbly. 

“He’s not?” Dad says, eyes raised over the newspaper. 

“No.” 

“He didn’t tell you, did he?” Dad asks. 

“No, no he didn’t.” 

“Well then. Next time he’ll come with us.” 

Rhodey nods. 

“Christmas?” 

“Clear it with his parents if they’re not spending time together.” 

“Got it.” 

- 

Rhodey’s Thanksgiving is...nice. He can’t stop thinking about Tony going alone. 

So he calls him. It’s two in the morning, he might be asleep, and Rhodey’s not sure if he got the “eight” in the last four digits right or not. 

“Howard’s out, who is it?” comes a sleep-addled voice. 

“Good thing I’m not looking for Howard, Tones.” 

“Rhodey? Why are you calling me?” Tony asks, and Rhodey can imagine his eyes lighting up and that’s...that’s something. 

“You spent Thanksgiving alone, I wanted to see how you were.” 

“Aw, checking in your residents?” 

“Checking in on you.” 

Tony stills for a moment at the phone. 

Besides Jarvis, no one had ever really checked in on him. 

“Um, I’m fine?” 

“You sure?” 

“Yeah. I mean, it sucks to be alone on Thanksgiving, but I don’t really like any of the foods that people usually have, so I’ve been fine. I ordered wraps from my favorite place.” 

“Good to hear, good to hear.” 

There’s a silent pause for a moment, the one where they both try to find something to say. 

“Listen,” Rhodey says. “If you’re ever stuck for a holiday alone, you’re coming with me, okay?” 

“I don’t want to intrude on your family,” Tony says softly. 

“They all wanna meet you. Jeanie says she can kick your ass at ice hockey!” 

“You guys can actually play ice hockey?” 

“With limited degrees of success.” 

“Oh, now that I gotta see some time.”

- 

They come back to college, and Tony is back to his usual antics, greeting everyone who comes through the elevator with a shower of shredded paper. 

“Welcome to Winter Wonderland! Next stop: suffering through finals!” 

“Ugh,” Kamala groans, “stop it. Stop making me think. I have to memorize Byronic poetry. Do you know how boring that is?” 

"Speak for yourself, I have to build a wooden chair,” Riri whines. “Who works with wood these days? It’s so old-fashioned.” 

“Create the most bitching chair alive,” Tony says. “And I’ll help you with the necessary tools. Your professor isn’t expecting much, mainly just that it can support the weight of two people, you’ll be fine. Kam, Byronic poetry is not that bad, you will be good. We will bake cookies.” 

“Can we even bake cookies? I thought our floor got banned from kitchen usage,” Peter says. “Hey Rhodey.” 

“Hey kiddo,” Rhodey says. “First of all, yes we are banned from the kitchen. Second, we’re only banned and get in trouble so long as they know we’re there. And since more than half of us are nocturnal creatures and I am willing to wake up to help, we can bake cookies.” 

There are cheers around the room, and Tony mocks offense. 

“You don’t trust me to help the future youth?” 

“Given that we’re not allowed to rent out any more equipment from the front office? Yes.” 

“You wound me, darling.” 

“Only as much as kitchen equipment goes, sweetheart.” 

Tony grins. 

“Aw, you missed me.” 

“Yeah, I did. Now come on, you gotta help me with a billboard about the movie night this Friday. We thinking a romantic comedy or something mildly terrifying but probably won an award?” 

“Mildly terrifying!” Gwen calls from her dorm. “If we watch two people falling in love I’ll choke! We’ve been doing it all year!” 

“We’ve only watched, like, three rom-coms?” 

Gwen rolls her eyes, as if he’s missed something completely obvious. 

“You don’t get it. I’ll try again later. Hey, are we doing floor dinner tonight?” 

“They’re serving pizza sandwiches, so obviously,” Tony says. “We will feast like kings.” 

- 

Christmas is a festive time for Tony. He loves it, and goes overboard with decorations. Rhodey lets him, because you can’t stop Tony once he loves something (and Rhodey is kind of. Fond of him). 

Pepper comes up from the fifth floor, whistling. 

“Damn, Jim. I knew you would do a good job with decorations, but not this good. Is this...did you buy a miniature village? How was this budgeted?” 

“It wasn’t,” Rhodey says. “Tony’s really into Christmas and the floor convinced him that the theme should be Christmas Village. He’s been crafting identities for each villager instead of studying for any exam. The craft store employees know him by name now.” 

“Well, we all have our vices. You two seem to get along well. Housing is pleased that he hasn’t blown up anything yet.” 

“If they try to serve cheese ravioli again, he might.” 

“That’s a problem for Dining,” Pepper reminds him.  

“Still, it’s abominable. Where did they get them, bottom of the Hudson River?” 

She snorts, adjusting her shirt. 

“Probably, but hey. They still got eaten, even if that one freshman threw them all back up at the entrance.” 

“It was payback, they were vile.” 

Tony waltzes into the lobby, arms filled with glittering tinsel. 

“We are not letting you hang that,” Pepper says, gaping at it all. “Do you know how hard it is to get rid of tinsel?”

“We’ll manage!” Tony says. “Also, are you free at six-thirty?” 

“No, that’s when we’re getting dinner on my floor, what do you need?” 

“Just that little tidbit of knowledge,” Tony says, looking down at his phone. 

A message buzzes from the groupchat, and Rhodey glances at it: 

We are a go for the real Christmas tree. I have the vacuum, and a believable lie. Rhodey’s gonna tell us when the RA on duty is gonna come so we can hide it. 

Rhodey looks at Tony, grinning. He smiles right back. 

“Is there some weird roommate telekinesis I’m missing here?” Pepper asks. 

“Yes,” Rhodey says. “We’re discussing dinner plans.” 

Another text from Harley: 

I’m already picking one out with Peter. I have good taste. When is the ornament-making party? 

Pepper looks at them. 

“You’re planning something that I probably would have to disapprove of. I’ll tell people I got your floor watched tonight.” 

“Pepper, light of my life, my absolute sunshine? You’re the best,” Tony says, grinning. “Rhodey-darling, help me with tinsel?” 

He can’t say no. Simple as that. 

That is how tinsel gets strung throughout his hair as he’s watching Tony climb onto chairs that shouldn’t be climbed on to hang it from everywhere. 

“People deserve to have a good-looking Christmas,” he says. “Besides, I wanna win the decoration contest.” 

Rhodey laughs. 

“Okay, okay. I think we got it in the bag.” 

Later on in the week, Tony can be seen flitting about from room to room with help and jokes to lighten the mood. 

Rhodey has to admit, being an RA with Tony around is...nice. Better than he thought. 

And maybe he has feelings. He’s not going to say anything about it. After all, they’re roommates. He also isn’t allowed to have a relationship with anyone on the floor, regardless of anything. 

It doesn’t mean every RA follows it. God knows Sharon’s snuck down to the fourth floor to see Sam near-about every night, and her residents usually keep it a pretty good secret. 

Still. There’s also everything else to consider, and the fact that he doesn’t even know if Tony likes him like that. 

He doesn’t have to focus on it. 

- 

At least, not until the week of finals when he’s dying and Tony’s made him peppermint hot chocolate and sits on his bed, just about an inch away from his notes for his history class. 

“Do you remember what you told me on the phone?” Tony asks softly. 

“You up to compete against Jeanie for this year’s ice hockey championship?” Rhodey asks, smiling. 

Tension releases from Tony’s shoulders. 

“Only so long as you’ll have me.” 

“Always, genius. Always.” 

- 

After the last resident leaves for the holiday and Rhodey checks in with those who are staying, he and Tony hit the road, dragging suitcases behind them. 

“Are you sure I’m allowed?” Tony asks. “I can always find a hotel along the way...” 

“Mama wants to meet you, I keep telling them a ton about you,” Rhodey says, laughing. “They told me they want to hear your side of the great Glitter Debacle.” 

Tony laughs. 

“You mean the truth?” 

“Uh, I’m sorry, how are you going to convince them that green glitter was needed? And that you could clean it out of carpet?” 

“Determination and grit?” 

Rhodey laughs again as they pull onto the highway. 

- 

After a couple of hours, they make it to Rhodey’s home. His sister comes out, hugs for both. 

“Good to meet you Tony,” Jeanie says. “I’ve heard a lot, and I think we’re going to get along awesomely after I tell you every single embarrassing thing that Jim’s ever done.” 

“Only if I get to share stories too,” Tony teases, grinning. “Aw, they call you Jim?” 

“What do you call him?” Jeanie asks. 

“Jim-Jam, angel-dear, sugar-puff, Rhodey. You know, the usual.” 

Jeanie snorts, taking one of Rhodey’s bags. 

“Calling you the first one from now on.” 

“Tony did you have to let her hear any of those?” Rhodey asks, exasperated in a teasing manner. 

“Of course I did,” Tony sing-songed. “Now after you, I’m sure your mom is waiting to hug the living daylights out of you.” 

- 

It’s not until Rhodey gets all settled in and Tony is downstairs competing with his dad in a round of chess that Jeanie sits on his bed, the intention to annoy. 

But it’s...different. She looks at him. 

“You love him a lot, don’t you?” 

Rhodey stills. 

“You wouldn’t have told him he could come here if you didn’t.” 

“You’re right.” 

“I’m always right,” Jeanie says, flipping braids over her shoulder. “Nice of you to finally realize that I’m the smart one.” 

Rhodey doesn’t say anything as she saunters out of the room. 

He makes the decision not to tell Tony. 

If it goes wrong and if Tony says no, he doesn’t want it to be an awkward family event but more importantly, the most awkward rest of the year ever. He can say it as they’re moving out, and that’s that. 

He tells Jeanie as such. 

“I thought you didn’t believe in love,” she says as they’re preparing the soup for dinner.” 

“I don’t believe in love at first sight,” Rhodey says. “I do believe in love. There’s a difference.” 

There’s a hell of a difference. 

First sight, you don’t know everything. The second, third, fourth, fifth, and so on? Oh you learn so much more, and they become that more important. 

He learns that he doesn’t mind picking up tinsel, so long as Tony is laughing and singing along to all of the worst Christmas songs ever, and maybe. Just maybe he could picture looking at Tony underneath the fairy-lights that they hung in the dorm room for all time. 

Love is terrifyingly exhilarating, even when it isn’t supposed to be. 

Rhodey did not think his heart would race so much as Tony listened to his Mama talk about her wedding china, about the utter disaster that his father was. 

“He forgot his tie,” Mama said, smiling. “Oh my lord, my mother had a cow about that. I thought he looked kind of dashing.” 

Tony’s eyes drift towards the wedding pictures, which are slightly shaky, but everyone had such wide smiles. 

It’s a far cry from the publicity photos from the Stark wedding, Rhodey remembers the solemn expressions, the stuff tuxedos. 

“I love it,” Tony says softly. He looks at Rhodey across the table, setting down the final plate. “Tell me more, Mrs. Rhodes.” 

“Call me Mama, honey, Mrs. Rhodes is for people I don’t like that much. I think you’re gonna be my new favorite.” 

“Even over me?” Jeanie says, grinning as she kisses Dad on the cheek. “I’m your favorite.” 

“You’re my favorite until now,” Mama says. “Don’t think I don’t know that you skipped out on setting the table because Tony was here and graciously offered.” 

“It was nothing,” Tony says. “Just happy to help. Thank you for letting me stay at your home for the holidays.” 

“We’re always lucky to have guests,” Dad says, setting down the main dish. “Now let’s eat.” 

Family dinner is a brand new concept to Tony. He’s had maybe four or five of them, and the majority of which were staged for some holiday shoot or some “celebrating American values” shoot. 

It was awkward, weird, and he didn’t get why. 

Now, he does. Jeanie has been steadily moving mashed potatoes away from Rhodey’s plate, and Mama caught her eye and winked, distracting him with talk about his college major and news about the neighbors. 

Mr. Rhodes watches it all with a careful eye and a lax smile. 

After dinner, they play cards. 

It should be boring, but Jeanie puts on an old record and Rhodey keeps trying to count cards, and Tony didn’t think you could count cards in a game of Spoons. 

“You can’t, he’s just a try-hard,” Jeanie stage-whispers. 

“You-” 

Jeanie laughs, rolling herself out of Rhodey’s grasp as he chases her around the family room. Tony leans back into the couch, and shouts with surprise as Jeanie trips Rhodey into the couch. 

His body twists, and Rhodey’s facing him on the couch and they’re close and with the fire roaring in the fireplace and the Christmas lights outside shining through the windows, it’s almost magic. 

It is magic, but Rhodey is kind of terrified of that. 

Tony breathes in, breathes out. 

“Hello sugar-puff,” he says. 

“Hello genius,” Rhodey says, a smile on his face. 

Oh. 

The night does not get much sleep. 

Tony doesn’t sleep anyway, but Rhodey finds that quite often he can’t sleep without some softly-playing rock in the background, doesn’t matter if it is a highly-questionable AC/DC song. That and Tony softly murmuring about his plans, and it’s like a personalized lullaby. 

Rhodey cannot sleep. Tony’s in the guest room, and he can’t sleep. 

There’s a soft knock on his door. 

Tony’s there in shorts and a t-shirt that’s probably expensive, but he’ll never say if it is or not. 

“Can I...I can’t sleep.” 

“Get in here, Tones. I can’t sleep either.” 

The bed is a tight squeeze, but they make it work. 

Rhodey whispers until he drifts off to sleep about Christmas and school and everything else. 

Tony watches with quiet eyes, interjecting with his own stories occasionally. 

They fall asleep tangled up together, and Rhodey doesn’t mind it one bit, not as he pulls Tony in closer. 

-

Waking up is bittersweet, honestly. Rhodey has Tony in his arms, and that’s...that’s perfect. He thinks this is going to be the best thing that’s ever happened in his lifetime. 

“It’s too early, darling,” Tony groans. The light from outside is already peeking through the blinds, and he has stuffed his head right back into a pillow. 

“Jeanie’ll be here soon to bother us for Christmas breakfast,” Rhodey says. “And unless you want her pouncing on the bed and landing on wrong everything, we better get down there.” 

Tony smiles sleepily, stretching. 

“Thanks for letting me sleep in your room, honey-bunch.” 

“No problem,” Rhodey said. “Missed the constant AC/DC and late-night discussions about robotics.” 

“Not like I did much talking, Mr. Sap,” Tony teased. “Or was it me who mentioned that they had a favorite plate for dinner?” 

“Listen, it’s superior and you did not once interrupt that story to complain. I think I did a great job explaining it.” 

Tony laughs. 

“I’m gonna go get dressed, okay?” 

“Not until after present unwrapping,” Rhodey says. “We stay in pajamas.” 

“I’m cold,” Tony whines. 

Rhodey chucks his sweatshirt at him. 

“Then here you go.” 

Tony’s eyes light up as he shrugs it on, wiggling as he brings it up to his nose. It shouldn’t be that cute. But it is. 

“You are the light of my life.” 

Rhodey laughs, rolling his eyes. 

“Maybe. Now come on.” 

They head downstairs together, and they both get swept up into the speed of things, with Jeanie racing around the house and telling Tony that he got treats too, they just didn’t have a back-up stocking. 

“Hush,” Mr. Rhodes says, handing Tony a carefully wrapped gift. “After breakfast, we’ll go ahead and open it.” 

He smiles, and Rhodey thinks it’s the best thing he’ll ever see. 

- 

Christmas gifts, Rhodey thinks, are his new favorite thing to see Tony interact with. 

It’s painfully obvious that he’s never really had any personal gifts, anything that reminds people of himself. He carefully unwraps the paper, careful not to rip it. 

“You nerd,” Rhodey says, grinning. “Come on, show us what you got.” 

Tony laughs as he opens a box with two coffee mugs from the rest of the family, emblazoned with “Rhodes” on one cup, and the other being a simple red with gold trim. 

“They’re perfect,” he says. “Thank you so much.” 

“You’re feeding his coffee addiction,” Rhodey answers. 

“Like you aren’t doing the same,” Jeanie teases. “You made him his cups of coffee this morning.” 

“That is because I have trained him well,” Tony says, grinning. “Rhodey, here’s my present to you, open it.” 

He’s nervous. 

Both of them are, but Tony especially so. 

He told Rhodey once that he’s not good at shopping for other people. He tends to have the phrase “go big or go home” permanently circling in his mind, and it can lead to...complications. 

(Rhodey remembers the overhaul of his closet for his birthday, complete with a visit from a rather well-known designer.) 

Inside is a beautiful jacket. It’s all patchwork, artfully sewn together with embroidery thread spelling out “James” at the lapel. 

“I commissioned Janet,” Tony says, smiling softly. “She wants you to still walk in her fashion show, by the way. Says you’re a model.” 

Rhodey snorts, shrugging on the jacket. 

“You helped with this, right?” Rhodey says. “I can see it in the gold thread you got on the sleeves.” 

“I may have had some creative input.” 

“I love it,” Rhodey says. “Now here’s mine.” 

Tony breathes, and Rhodey wonders if this gift will be enough. He feels a bit stupid, it doesn’t seem like that great of a gift, in retrospect- 

It’s a puzzle. 

A puzzle of their favorite cafe and restaurant to go to at MIT. It was in a shop window, and Rhodey could tell that Tony would love it. 

On top is a scarf, since Tony gave away his last one to another student in their philosophy class. 

“I love it,” Tony breathes, tackling Rhodey in a hug. “I love it, I love it! We have to do the puzzle after this.” 

Mrs. Rhodes sends her husband a look. 

Yeah, Tony would be around for a long time. 

- 

They set up the puzzle on the floor of Rhodey’s room, clearing away any luggage. It’s silent for a while, Tony moving around the pieces and Rhodey looking for edge pieces. 

They work closely together, side by side. 

Rhodey can’t stop staring. 

He should be able to. He’s stopped himself before, but now? 

Sunlight is coming in through the window, playing around Tony’s fingers as he nimbly picks up puzzle pieces, and this is the eternity that Rhodey wants so badly. If he died right now, he thinks he would choose for Heaven to look like this. 

“You okay?” Tony asks, eyes looking up. He took his contacts out, and now he’s just in his tortoiseshell glasses, the ones that he secretly likes more and Rhodey loves. 

“I’m in love with you,” Rhodey blurts out, because he can’t stop thinking about how beautiful Tony is and how much he loves him. 

He realizes that this could very well be considered a mistake. Because they still have to live together and drive back together and it won’t be the same, and the residents will notice no matter how well they both act--

Tony pops his head right under Rhodey’s chin. 

“Kiss me?” 

That’s all it takes. 

They mess up part of the puzzle, but that’s okay. They find they don’t mind it too much. They can work on it later, when Tony’s done getting Rhodey out of his new jacket and Rhodey works his hands underneath Tony’s sweatshirt. 

-

Mama takes one look at them for dinner and grins. 

“Jeanie, you owe me a night of dish-washing.” 

“Seriously?” 

“Mama!” Rhodey hisses, embarrassed beyond belief. 

Tony just cackles, and elbows Rhodey out of the way so he can get to his chair at the table. 

“Couldn’t have fooled you for a second, could we?” Tony teases. 

“Not at all,” Mama states proudly. 

Rhodey rolls his eyes and squeezes Tony’s hand under the table. All will be well. 

- 

When they both get back to college, none of their residents are surprised, at least not until they have to have a “knocking before entering” policy put in place after one particular late morning. 

[four-rabbit]

First day

Hey! I can’t believe I was actually able to write this, but I’m so glad I did! This is (probably just) a oneshot based on this Parent AU created by @remuscore, because we all know I just had to write about Remus being a parent.

Sorry for any mistakes, hope you enjoy it!

Summary: It’s Roman’s first day of preschool or dealing with enough kids to fill a classroom for that matter and he has never been more excited. His father, Remus, on the other hand, can’t stop himself from worrying that, just as he did as a child, Roman will have difficulty adapting to the new environment. 

Characters: Remus Sanders; Roman Sanders; Patton Sanders

Warning: Swearing, one mention to eating a bug, food and first day of school as a main theme.

Word count: 2259

It was midnight. Remus finally threw himself on the bed and closed his eyes. After one minute, the daylight broke through the windows, hurting just as much as the screamings of a child. 

“Dad! Dad, wake up! Wake uuup!”

“Wh… Roman, it’s…” He squinted at the cellphone, his vision still getting used to all that light and brightness “...It’s time to wake up” He sighed heavily, letting the phone fall from his hands. The last day finished, like, seven hours ago, why did he already have to deal with another day?! 

“Yeah, that’s what I sayied”

“Said” he corrected, closing his eyes again hoping that, somehow, a few more seconds would be enough for him to be ready to be a functional human being. It didn’t work, but he had to at least pretend to not be dead inside anyway “What do you wanna eat?”

“Breakfast soup!” Roman opened his arms and a smile from ear to ear. Very adorable, his father thought. Would be way more adorable if you didn’t scream at seven in the fucking morning. 

“I think the cereal is over, buddy” he sat with effort, his entire body feeling like it had been hit by a train “We ate it all… yesterday. I guess. But we have… hmm… Something. Probably” 

“Dad looks scary”

“I know”

“Really really scary. Like a zombie. Or, or, a witch! Or Dragon. Dragon witch!” Remus smiled tirely. His son’s excitement was almost contagious. Almost. 

“Thanks for the regards” he mumbled, getting on his feet and grabbing Roman, who was busy jumping up and down on the bed and making it even messier than it was before.

There were the remains of an egg bowl and an out of date ketchup in the fridge. And that's it. Remus did his best to keep the curses that came to his mind, well, in his mind. 

“There must be something in the pantry” There was. One packet of cookies. “Eggs, cookies or both?"

“Cookies!” Roman exclaimed. 

“Cool, but I’m gonna make the eggs  cause you’ll need energy for your first day of school. 

“Cookies give energy!” Roman pouted, crossing his arms. Remus ignored him, grabbing the eggs and then turning to the kid, frowning.

“Hey, when was the last time I gave you a shower?” If Roman was a little older he would have replied "you’re asking me that?!” but when you are three, you don’t really understand why it matters how frequent your showers are. 

“‘Lastday’?” he asked more than anything, after stopping to think a little. Remus sighed again”.

“Yesterday, ok, go…” would it be too irresponsible to ask his son to shower by himself? “You know what, the eggs can wait, let’s take a shower and then find your clothing and your backpack and…” Jesus fucking Christ we’ll never be there on time.

“Kay!” There wasn’t anything that would bother Roman. Not now that the possibility to go to school and make friends and be cool was so close. 

The shower was fast and messy. Roman got really close to falling, like, three times and their neighbors probably weren’t happy with all the drama he made when Remus tried to dry his hair. 

“You act like I’m trying to rip off your head, not just dry your damn hair!” 

“I want Patton! Patton not mean! Dad mean!”

“Patton is also not here and it’s over. See? You’re alive” Roman showed Remus his tongue, grabbing his towel in a dramatic outing and going to his room.

Remus always believed in self expression. Even when you are a child. That's why he let his son choose an old glitter t-shirt, beach shorts, a red cape and spongebob shoes to go to school. Which can be either a questionable or great parenting method. I’ll let you decide. 

“You look neat!” His father complimented when Roman sat down at the kitchen table, waiting for his breakfast. 

“Dad is lying!

“I never lie”

“All grown-ups lie” Remus looked down at the eggs in front of him. Yeah, I guess he’s right, thought to himself, I can’t afford to be honest all the time if I want to be good at adulting. Or, as he liked to say, adultery. 

“Ok, but I’m not lying now. You do look good” he gave his son a thumbs up, sitting down and putting the eggs in front of them.

“I want cookies!” Roman complained, refusing to eat. 

“You can take the cookies to school, how ‘bout that?” 

“The whole packet?” the child asked, half-closing his eyes with suspicion. Remus smiled lightly.

“The whole packet”

“Cool!” the oldest checked the time. The family had five minutes before their ride got there. 

“So. I guess I should give you, like, a school talk” 

“Not really.” Roman said after swallowing. 

“Hum. Okay. First, don’t worry about not making friends, I know all of this is new, but I’m sure that you’ll be fine”.

“I’m not worried” Oh excuse me Mister.I’m-a-Fucking-Extrovert. 

“Oh. Good. Yeah. But also, like… don’t be so sure. Like… if not everything goes as planned or if you don’t make that many friends, y’know-”

“I’m gonna make friends, I’m not weird like dad” Roman interrupted. Remus tried to not seem as offended as he was. Turns out being called “weird” is harder when it’s your own son. 

“Cool, cool. But I also feel that we should establish some rules, I guess?

“Estab what? 

“Create some rules and follow them”

“I’m great at following rules!” he exclaimed. It could have come as sarcasm if he wasn’t too young for that. 

“Ok. First: no nicknames. Call people their actual name for the love of god”

“But what if their names are boring?”

“Especially if their names are boring.” Roman seemed almost offended, but nodded reluctantly.

“Two: y’know the bad words I say sometimes? Don’t say any of those. Ever” he could only imagine the headache it would be trying to deal with a teacher after his son told a kid to go fuck themself. 

“Ever?!”

“Ok, not ever, but not until you are ten, let’s say”

“How long is it?

“Not that long. And finally. Don’t get into any fight. Please. 

“I won’t! Unless someone is mean to me, right?

“No. Not even if someone is mean to you. At least not for now” Roman tilted his head.

“But you always say that” He changed his posture and tried to imitate Remus’ voice. “When people are bad, you gotta be bad back”

“I said this, like, once and… It was different. If something goes wrong at school, we may have to pull up with some sh- things I don’t know if I can deal with”

“Like what?” Remus was spared from having to answer that and make his worst fear even more real as a horn echoed from the street. Roman immediately got up, running to the door and screaming: “Patton! Patton is here!” Remus opened a relieved smile for a lot of reasons, letting the closest he had to a father get in.

“Hey Kiddo, it’s so good to see you!” Patton said to both of them, hugging Roman and them the twenty years old man.

“Sup” Remus simply mumbled, too prideful to let the guest see how grateful he was for the possibility of a break. “You guys have fun here, I have to find this little brat’s backpack…"

“Hey! Dad ‘have be’ mean to me the whooole morning! Tell him to be nice!" Roman commanded. 

“Your dad is just a little tired, sweet, I’m sure he means no harm. Oh, I really like your cape! Where did you buy it?

“I made it myself! And dad helped a little, I guess”

“And by a little he means I did most of the work and he put those stars at the bottom” Remus replied, coming back with his son’s backpack.

“Oh, you two did very well! So, is everything alright?” He took a look around, putting his hands on his waist.

“Yeah, I hope” Remus answered, not really sure of it himself.

“Well, I’ll have to trust your word, kiddo, cause we’re kinda late. So, let’s get going! 

Patton probably had some deal with the devil. That’s the only way he would be able to handle a whole trip with Roman - And Remus too, who knew himself to also not be easy to deal - and still keep it cool. 

“Here we are” said as the small building got in their gaze, full of kids and screaming and social interactions and oh god, Remus was so glad he never even considered to be a teacher. Roman didn’t even think twice, already opening his door and starting to run toward the school.

“Fuck! Hey wow, stop right there!” Remus immediately followed, the panic growing in his chest and dispeling the tiredness for a moment. He grabbed his son by the arm, trying to at the same time be careful and resolute “You can’t just go running like that! Some car could have… Oh god”

“I’m fine!”

“I know. I just. Do you want me to be there?” Why is school always so fucking scary? Even when you are an adult, apparently, from how all those gazes felt on his skin “Or maybe if you want, Patton can go with you…”

“Dad can go with me there!” He then grabbed Remus' hand and proceeded to push his father with all his determination, guiding them both through the school even if he had no idea where his class was. But they figured it out after a couple minutes. 

“I guess it’s here, isn’t it?” Remus asked more to himself than anything. His son nodded. 

“Don’t be sad, dad. I promise I will make a ton of friends and be cool and popular” He opened his arms to give emphasis to his words. The oldest smiled. 

“I’m sure you will, buddy. But also, if you need anything, I’ll be there, so… 

“You’ll? But isn’t it just for the kids?

“Yeah, but you still need some adaptation period and I have to stay while this.

“I don’t need ada- adap- this thing! I’m so totally fine!”

“We don’t really have a word in that, buddy. Now, where is your teacher…?” He looked around, but it didn’t take the man a lot of effort, since a smiley woman wearing the school uniform was already coming in their direction.

“Oh, you must be Roman Prince, right? Nice to meet you!” she leaned down to the child’s height, still keeping that smile on her face. 

“Nice to meet you too” He exclaimed back. Remus was relieved he remembered the cumpriment. 

“Why don’t you go meet your new friends? We have hot dogs!

“I love hot dog!” He runned toward the food without second thoughts, leaving Remus and the nice normal lady alone. He tried to smile too, but it probably didn’t look as genuine considering all his nervousness. 

“And I guess you must be... “ She analysed the young adult from his multiply pierced ears to his ripped pants and worn boots. “Roman’s brother?” That would be easier, wouldn't it?

“No, I’m…” He held out his hand to greet her. “His dad. Remus Prince, nice to meet you”

“Oh” She didn’t accept his hand. 

“Yeah”

“Can I talk to his mom?”

“Of course! When I find her I’ll let you know” She flinched. Fuck, wrong time, wrong joke. “Yeah, if Roman needs something I’ll be there” he vaguely pointed to a bench, speed walking in it’s direction. 

You know someone is awkward when they still have problems dealing with school even after they already finished it. He sat there, trying not to see so… what? Irresponsible, scary, wrong, useless. The last one would definitely have been easier if Roman wasn’t such a natural. He made friends before his father could say ‘“fucking extrovert”, participated in all the games, just cried once. Remus was proud, but also kinda jealous. By what his parents told him, his first day basically consisted in him eating a bug and being excluded for the whole year after that. What I great fucking way to start things. 

But if Roman was so much better, I guess it meant he did a better job than his parents. Not like being better than those assholes was that hard tho. 

As the morning went over, Roman got back, his face red and sweaty from all that playing. On the moment Remus saw that ear to ear grin, he knew it was worth it and couldn’t stop himself from smiling too.

“How was it?” asked just so his son could talk, which he loved too, it clearly went well. He was there after all.

“It was so cool! I made friends and we played and teacher is nice and we ‘eated’ pizza and hot dogs and watched a movie!”

“I’m glad! So… We want to come tomorrow too?” Roman violently nodded, jumping up and down.

“Yes, yes!

“Neat. How ‘bout we grab some ice cream on our way? We sure do need some food” I know, I know, ice cream is not really food, but give him a break. Also, Roman managed to seem even happier.

“Ice creaaam!” He yelled. Remus smiled again, feeling that warm feeling in his chest that was familiar at that moment. Love. It was hard, of course, sometimes he felt like he couldn’t make it, like he was just not born for the job and would eventually just screw everything. But he was trying, which was better than he could say for Roman’s “mother” or his own parents, so maybe he could convince himself that trying was enough. 

[windsweptlassie]

On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners: 

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves: 

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love: 

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters: 

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose: 

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

[pyreo]

fallout 4 struggle tweets: I just had the worst time and I’m literally just going to talk about how much it sucked

I’m on my third, ‘yes I’m really gonna finish this time’ playthrough and I never managed to get to the end of the automatron DLC before. I’d always had Ada around and never did the last part.

My first mistake when starting was thinking it’d be a regular length instance. It was about triple the size of a normal F4 ‘building with narrative in it’. God I think it took like 2 hours

They clearly put effort into the level design and I was impressed by the attention to lighting, atmosphere, even the dingy sound effects. It was pretty immersive. I gradually realised there was a backstory to the place, that this lair was actually the place robobrains were invented and it was showing you the horrific lead-in to how the military decided to harvest brains from living convicts to experiment on turning into robots. They didn’t care, they incinerated them for being distressed by their new bodies, etc etc. Like it’s not deep but it was lore I guess. You’re even paced through the scientific crimes committed an age past by being walked through the prison that housed the test subjects, even a bit Bioshock-esque with observation floors and still-living ghouls inside the cells.

There’s terminal entries for the scientists to go ‘oh my god what are they doing to people in the labs’ or ‘ha ha it’s so cool how we’re doing immoral crimes in the labs’, because you know, it’s fallout 4, but like it’s trying

There’s a main lab that’s devoid of enemy robots for once where you can soak in how disgustingly inhumane the history of robobrains was, see all the equipment and automated needles and suspicious stains on the steinman-basement tile.

None of this has anything to do with the Mechanist, the reason you came down there, who is a normal person wearing cosplay and yelling “Begone Evildoer!” at you.

It occurred to me, in the middle of those 2 hours of working through this hole, that it barely felt like Fallout 4 any more. They gave each room a different vibe, different lighting and colour effects, and they put down a more fleshed out backstory than you’d expect considering it wasn’t realted to the quest. The mood in the medical rooms backhands you with how hard they’re trying to play up the torture realism. There are still brains in jars everywhere. There’s a terminal that jokes about a scientist daring his colleagues to make a cocktail out of the brain fluids. It’s phenominally idiotic but in a way where it’s actually trying.

Then you have to step into a big big room and someone in a cardboard robot costume yells at you for being evil and sends waves and waves of customised robots after you.

The whiplash is too gigantic to be believed. This might be the most utterly serious ‘we experimented on living people that we deemed unworthy of human rights’ played straight in one of bethesda’s fallouts. Apart from the cocktail guy it’s depicted as unconscionable. This is where they decided to stage the funney delusional guy wears a comic supervillain costume hehe :o)

Additionally the lore is wildly all over the place. So they decided to fill in the creation of robobrains? The human experimentation thing is utterly basic, the medical rooms have dozens of brains? Just still floating in there? They also have a gigantic tank with 2 ghouls in it for some reason?? And there’s xrays on the wall, one of which is an xray of a deathclaw skull. I suspect re-used assets with nothing implied by any of this, or someone just flicking through existing stuff they could place and going ‘haha yeah’ with no more thought in it than that

I ran out of ammo in the mechanist confrontation. I’m on hardcore mode so I carry a limited amount because it takes up bag space. There are no places to take cover, because you can be shot through the floor gratings. I spent about 40 minutes dying and loading again every 6 seconds. My playstyle that got me to level 70 is a hide-and-snipe type Survivor, meaning I cannot live through heavy fire and no stealth. And after repeatedly saving every time I lived more than those 6 seconds, inching progress along, killing robots as fast as I could, I EVENTUALLY got to the point where the robot supply ran out.

And the confrontation didn’t progress, because it bugged and just didn’t end. According to the wiki this happens if you ‘kill the robots too fast’.

40 minutes that took me.

This is the point where I find out you can actually skip that entire fight if you find certain holotapes along the way - which I had - and I wondered why on earth I’d missed the opportunity to take the less hostile option I had already earned. Turns out it’s because you have to manually backstrack through the entire facility, which nobody would ever do, and that’s where the terminal to use them is. Instead of like, next to the door.

Then you find the Mechanist and she takes off her helmet and HOOLY FUCK SHE’S A WOMAN, ohh my GODDD what a fucking TWIST can you believe she used a voice modulator and was A WOMAN under the helmet a fucking WOMAN??

Fuck you bethesda

Then they recycled their same script from fallout 3 where she goes oh no I’m protecting the wasteland I’m good you’re the bad one. and you can speech check her out of it. All of that and the person you spent hours tracking down goes ‘oh it was a mistake haha’. No meaning to any of it, no point, nothing

Anyway I just killed the mechanist for making me go through that. I don’t care if the facility becomes a settlement I don’t want it I never want to go back there again

[pleaseleavemetowrite]

All my troubles on the burning pile | Tomas Shelby

warning! I don’t know all that much about the show, I’ve seen a total of 1 season so if anything is wrong please just ignore it for the sake of the fic

this also takes place before the events of the show, like significantly before. Also Tommy is probably ooc but idk i like it 

Also if (Y/n) is annoying at some points just please keep in mind that during some parts she’s literally a six year old 

———————————————————————

Small Heath remembered the day the men got sent away for war vividly. Boys were swept away from their families arms far too young, Fathers were dragged away from their children, and lovers were ripped away from each other some old and some young. It's hard to forget a day like that. But that is only increased when a roaring fire illuminated for what seemed to be miles from the old field where it originated.  Some would tell you it seemed like hellfire, nothing but retaliation from a stupid teenager who felt too much and didn't have enough discipline. Others would tell you it was a heartbreaking scene, a pitiful display of how everyone felt to some capacity. But only (Y/n) would be able to tell you how it really was, an explosion of too much yet not enough. Like being in a limbo where nothing feels real but the consequences do. 

She remembered her friends telling her to go as it looked dreadful but she told them to simply get lost if they didn't like it, then telling her youngest brother to just go home and tell mum that she'll be back soon. Then as pitch black settled in the sky, she remembers Ada Shelby approaching her, the fire building in intensity and height, and simply pulling her close. Hugging her. And (Y/n) broke. All the rage bubbling up became still and transformed to immense despair, tying her insides into knots and clouding everything. She felt cold despite the building heat of the flames that danced in the air. 

Ada rubbed circles in the older girls skin, soothing her slightly. Ada already missed her brothers dearly and couldn't imagine how (Y/n) was feeling. With the idea of marriage going from a realistic event to something that couldn't even be guaranteed, (Y/n) was going to have a few rough years ahead of her if she carried on the way she was. 

"Always the firebug, eh?" The nickname easily slipped out the younger girl's mouth. (Y/n)'s mouth slightly uplifted at the familiar nickname. (Y/n) had known the Shelby family ever since she was young with her being the same age as Tommy and seemingly clinging to the boy like glue it was inevitable she would grow attached to the rest of the family like they did to her in return. However, that doesn't mean that they were exempt from the surprise that was her impromptu fire starting but after knowing (Y/n) for a while to became easy for them to guess when a fire was upon them. And because of this, the nickname of firebug seemed to be obvious. 

The Shelby family remembers the day that (Y/n) started her first fire in the abandoned field. She was no older 6. Having grabbed a hold of a lighter from god knows where and gathering as many sticks as she could and setting them aflame. However, it also turns out that children don't know a lot about how lighters or how fast a fire can spread. So, (Y/n) accidently sprung the lighter to life again and burned her hand, dropping the lighter and setting the dead grass alight a long with it. And while (Y/n) couldn't stop the screams that escaped her she also couldn't stop the excitement she felt from seeing the flames lick at the ground. And coincidently, Tommy had gone looking for the girl as she had been gone for around an hour which wouldn't have been strange for other people their age, but (Y/n) wasn't normal. She practically wouldn't leave him be until the sunset and they were called to their respective houses, so her sudden absence was a little worrying for the young boy. And he ran as fast he could once he heard the familiar shriek he had grown to know in the short time he had known her. 

There she was, the lighter on the burning floor as she backed away from the flames that seemed to follow her until she bumped into someone. She was startled and feared being in trouble so she quickly turned around and seemed relived to find Tommy, her new best friend. She quickly hugged the shorter boy, "My hero! It's too bad I'm taller then you." Tommy rolled his eyes, "What is that!?" He nodded at the fire.

Despite her previous comment, (Y/n) suddenly felt quite small. The fear of losing her new friend gripped at her, making her small limbs lock up. "It doesn't matter ok! It's alwayyys rainy so it will be gone soon anyway, so stop being stupid." (Y/n) suddenly became defensive, gripping her burned hand but stopping once she remembered how much it hurt. And suddenly, (Y/n) began to cry as she realized it may not rain and she will in fact get in trouble and damn did her hand hurt. Tommy became alarmed at her sudden tears, and noticed her hand. "You don't need to cry! Can't your mum just help your hand." "But Tommy! What if it doesn't rain." Tommy was now confused he didn't see what the rain had to do with the burn on her hand. 

But that didn't matter either, as with seeming perfect timing, it began to rain. Heavily. This relieved the girl, seeming to not care about her injury anymore. Tommy however, did still care and insisted on walking her to her house despite his house being on the other end of the street. This then lead to (Y/n) having a bandage on her hand and Tommy having a cold for a week. It was then that the Shelby's and (L/n)'s knew it wouldn't be the last time something like that happened. 

One incident that not everyone knew about was yet another fire that was caused by (Y/n) at around 15. She had once again decided she wanted fire but this time Tommy was by her side, holding a box of broken items. Some of them belonging to the pair some it being something neither of them seemed to fully recognize. "You can't keep at this you know, someone will catch you one day and doubt they will forgive you so easily." Tommy said, his voice even, he wasn't mad at her. He just knew of what may happen if she is caught by someone other then him or his brothers. (Y/n) nodded as the fire sprung to life, and gestured for Tommy to throw the box in. Wordlessly, Tommy threw it in.

However, due to the density of some of the times, not everything in the box was catching fire. So carefully, Tommy began to kick the box trying to make it catch. But he didn't seem to see that it worked and that the flames were growing. (Y/n) panicking, pulled Tommy back and watched as the fire grew right where he was previously. Tommy looked down at her in gratitude as she looked away, as although she would never say it aloud she had been harboring feelings for Tommy for some time now. And before she could say anything, Tommy said, "My hero! too bad I'm taller then you." A grin tugging at his lips as he saw (Y/n) begin to laugh in disbelief at the vaguely familiar statement. "Thomas Shelby! you tosser." She gently pushed him, laughing lightly.  

"Well there goes all my troubles on the burning pile." (Y/n) said smiling, as Tommy wrapped his arm around her shoulder, tugging her body towards his. "And if you catch fire?" Tommy asked, despite the statement being extremely hypocritical from him because of what had just had happened. "Then I'll change my aim and throw my woes at the world instead." (Y/n) said gazing into the flames in front of her. "I wouldn't expect anything less." Silence followed Tommy's statement. It was comforting, as the cool summers evening began to start its slow conclusion, the warmth of the fire fought any possible cold breeze and the two teenagers stayed close and unaware the other was trying to ignore their feelings. 

However, it seems that their feelings were too much to simply move aside as that very night the pair confessed, much to their friends and families' relief. 

(Y/n) was pulled out of her reminiscent daze when Ada asked, "What are you burning?" "My troubles." Ada seemed to understand the vague statement. "I assume soon you'll be burning letters that "aren't quite right" soon?" Ada asked a light teasing tone in her voice in a hope to lighten the mood. It seemed to work as (Y/n) replied, "And you expected anything less?" Ada lightly shook her head as she smiled at the woman she'd grown to see as a sister. "He'll be back one day (Y/n)" "Well I sure hope so the tosser still has to make me his wife." 

The two young women laughed, still worried for the future but feeling better then they did before. 

[rpd-rookie]

Hi! I saw that you're requests are open so i decided to write mine lol. How about the reader being jealous of Ada Wong because she thinks Leon still has feelings for her? And then Leon confesses to the reader and reassures her he only sees Ada as a friend(at best). Just some angst and fluff basically. Thank you!

There it is. I hope I won’t disappoint. ;-) It’s angst. It’s fluff. You’ve been warned. 

Blue Is His Favourite Colour - Leon S. Kennedy x Reader

Sitting there in your blue dress, you were staring at the woman in red in front of you, scrutinizing her with - what you hoped - was an expressionless look as she was calmly drinking a cup of coffee, her legs crossed like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct.   But the truth was, if looks could kill then the one you were giving right now would be the deadliest. You were not only looking daggers at her. No you were looking an entire arsenal right now (rocket launcher included), feeling an intense jealousy eating you up more and more with each second passing in her presence.     But that didn’t make Ada Wong drop her serene demeanour nor her over-confidence.

“That’s a good coffee.” You frowned at her sultry voice that was nothing else than her usual voice, you were sure of it. After all, that woman was oozing so much sexiness it was making you sick. “But I guess you didn’t pretend to be Leon to just chitchat with me around an espresso.”           “What’s going on between you and Leon?” She smiled and placed her cup on the coffee table before her, fixing her beautiful almond-shaped black eyes on you.     A scoff escaped her lips showing how amusing this situation was for her. But you wisely chose to ignore it. The woman in front of you was the kind that loved playing games. It didn’t take a genius to see it. It was part of her femme fatale persona. “You look way younger than I imagined. Guess that explains your insecurity.” You gritted your teeth at her commentary, probably because she was somewhat right. But the thing annoyed you the most was that she knew about you which meant Leon had talked to her about you. “And you look way older than what I imagined. Guess that explains the stripper dress.” You scornfully eyed at the short tight red dress she was wearing and that fitted her like a glove, not sure that this was appropriate for an afternoon coffee with a friend (which was the reason you had found to make her come here when you had texted her last week, pretending to be Leon). “That being said, you don’t answer my damn question.” “Ouch.” She grinned, not an ounce hurt by your words, before she eventually slouched a bit into the couch, knowing that you would not let her live your place without answers. You slightly glared. Even her lazy drooping posture was attractive. That was enraging. But despite your uncontrollable contempt for the woman, there was a part of you that couldn’t help but silently admit she was a very beautiful woman and that secretly wished you would look like that yourself. Even just a tiny bit. After all, you two couldn’t be more different.

Ada was the woman of all men’s dreams. Sexy, confident, mysterious. The type of girl that used to overshadow you in high school and definitely the type of woman that could outshine you even today. Who were you, wearing that baby blue dress, in front of that bombshell in a red dress? No wonder Leon had a thing for her. Cause he had, right?

“What do you want to know?” Ada asked. Finally, someone ready to talk and not treating you like a paranoid.             “The truth.” That was simple as that.       You were tired of Leon’s secrets. You were tired of him not telling you anything whatsoever about the mysterious Ada whose name was written on the silver compact powder you had accidently found in the drawer of his night stand one night when you were simply looking for a condom. But most of all, you were tired of fighting with him each time you were trying to put a conversation about her on the table.           “That might take a while. We have a lot of history. It goes back to Raccoon City.” You nodded, that sentence not coming as a surprise but tugging at your heartstrings nevertheless. Of course they had history. Had she been a one-night stand or just a simple ex-girlfriend, Leon would have never eluded all your questions about her. He would have talked about her as freely as he had talked about his previous girlfriends.     “But I strongly believe Leon would tell it better than I would. You should ask him.”

You were not stupid. You knew she wanted to hear you say it. You knew she wanted the ‘He doesn’t trust me and I don’t trust him’ speech, the crying and everything that went along with it and you were sure as hell not going to give her that satisfaction.           “Look, Y/N. You seem to be a sweet girl - a bit jealous and insecure sure, but sweet. I’m sure you’ll give Leon a flock of blue-eyed baby Kennedys playing in a garden with your golden retriever.”           “Seems like you played that scenario quite a few times in your head actually.” You spat. “I have yes. But I was never playing the role of the brood mare.” You fleered, not liking the comparison at all. But then again, Ada didn’t really exude mother material to you. “Let me guess. You were the homewrecker.”       Ada laughed, enjoying your sass a bit too much than she would have expected. “What I’m saying is that that scenario is what Leon secretly wishes. But that’s not what I wish. We’re different he and I and believe me when I say we both came to realise a long time ago that we would never work. I can’t give him what he wants. We can’t be endgame; despite the feelings we can have for each other … or had, since, judging by the feminine touch of this apartment, you must have definitely been living here for a while.”

Her long monologue barely comforted you. Actually your brain had stopped functioning at the ‘feelings we have for each other’ part. That bit had hurt like hell. Guess looking an entire arsenal at Ada Wong is useless when she has the right dagger to pierce your heart in her perfectly manicured hand.       “You’re wrong. He still has feelings for you. I can feel it in my bones.” You struggled to keep the nascent tears in your eyes, not wanting to look weak, or worse, childish.     “Y/N” Ada sighed and bent over to put a hand on your knee. Her voice was suddenly very compassionate. It surprised you. She was about to say something when the door of the apartment slammed open.

Leon barged in the living room, furious and - to your surprise - not even a bit astonished to see Ada sitting on the couch, meaning he knew that she would be here. “You can’t be serious!” He harrumphed, clearly mad at you and you couldn’t blame him. You had gone behind his back after all. “Alright. I believe it’s my cue. I’ll let you two discuss this among yourselves.” Ada stood up, took her coat and without saying another word headed towards the main door. “Thanks for calling, Ada.” Leon said as he glared at you. Of course she had told him. “Anytime.”

The door shut, leaving you and Leon in the heavy silence of your apartment. You didn’t dare to look at him, dreading to cross his eyes and most importantly fearing the inevitable argument. And right now, given the circumstances, you were certain that this one would make the walls tremble like never before. “Why would you do that, Y/N?” He sounded hurt. Was he trying to make you feel guilty? Because that was working but you didn’t need him to feel guilty right now. “Texting Ada, really? I thought you trusted me.” Those last words made you go through the roof.             “I thought you trusted me.” You repeated, probably louder than intended. “But at least you know how it feels now!”           “I know how what feels? My girlfriend spying on me?” He shouted, mimicking your tone. “That’s overstating things, don’t you think?” That was not the time for sass as Leon made it crystal just by the way he narrowed his eyes and slightly shook his head, showing how exasperated he was. “Then tell me what is it that you’ve done?”   “I went looking for the truth that you were refusing to give me. And guess what? That hurt like a bitch! Do you have any idea how I felt in front that woman?” He threw up his hands in annoyance. “You’re the one who invited her!”     “Yeah but it is your fault. I would have never asked her to come if you had been honest with me. At least, Ada told me what I wanted to know.”             “Oh, and what amazing thing did you learn?” He fixed his eyes on you with a ‘go on, give me your bullshit’ look that you found so irritable.         “Nothing very particular but the part about your ‘long history’ and your ‘feelings’ was more than enough to make me understand I was right all along and that YOU. WERE. LYING.” You pointed your finger at him to accentuate each word. But you weren’t done just yet. You needed to vent a little bit more. “She’s not ‘no one’ or ‘nothing that should concern me’! You have feelings for her.”         “ You got to be kidding me! How can you think that?”   “ Oh easy. A) we don’t keep a girl’s compact in a night stand if she means nothing.” Leon rolled his eyes, not believing you were mentioning that stupid compact again. “Here it goes again.”         “ And b) …” You weren’t even able to finish your sentence that Leon escaped the living room in the direction of your bedroom. He wasn’t leaving this fight? Right? Right?

“I’m not finished, Kennedy!” You yelled as you rushed to follow him. “Oh, but I am.” He growled as he opened the drawer of his nightstand. “I. am. fucking. done!” He said as he gritted his teeth, rummaging through the drawer. And suddenly he turned towards you and raised his hand. You covered your face by reflex and yelped when you saw Leon throw something with a brutality and a rage you had never thought he was capable of. Whatever is was, it smashed against the wall, far away from you with a loud clank. “There! Happy?” He asked with an angry voice before storming out of the room, slamming the door behind him so violently that you jumped.  

You turned your head towards the object Leon had thrown against the wall to see what it was even if you had quite an idea. A tear rolled down your cheek when you saw the silver powder compact lying on the floor, completely shattered. You were not the kind of couple that would normally break things during quarrels.   You sat on the bed and took your face in your hands to cry your eyes out. This, all this Ada story had gone way too far. You had gone too far. You and your stupid jealousy. You and your insecurity.

You don’t know how long you sat there, thinking about all the things you had done and that had led your couple into this mess. But you knew that it was enough. You dried your tears and wiped the mascara that had run under your swollen reddened eyes before you eventually silently left the bedroom.     You found Leon sitting quietly in the living room, with a glass and a bottle of whisky in front of him that you stared at with guilt and sadness. Leon was only drinking when he was feeling terrible. And if he was drinking right now, then it was undeniably your fault. You went to sit by his side, putting your hand on the glass before Leon could take another mouthful of the amber-coloured liquor. “I’m sorry.” You said softly.         Leon put the drink back on the table and looked at you, his blue eyes mirroring the same sadness and pain that were in yours.     “ I just don’t get it, Y/N. Why this obsession with Ada?”           “ No, Leon. Please. I don’t wanna talk about her anymore.” You confessed, letting another tear run down your face. “Sweetheart, we have to. Cause this whole thing is killing us and I can’t bear that.” He cupped your face with his hand, wiping the tear with his calloused thumb, waiting for you to talk, to finally tell the truth.      

“I’m afraid I’m not enough for you.” You admitted, glancing away from him. “ And when I found that stupid compact, I thought … I thought…” You didn’t know what you really thought. So many things actually. That Leon was having an affair or at least that he had feelings for another woman and that you were just a pastime, someone he would leave for her sooner or later.         “… that Ada still meant something for me.” He finished your sentence when he realised you wouldn’t. You met his eyes. If this was truth time then you needed to ask. “Does she?”   Leon sighed. But he was not annoyed at you this time. No he was annoyed at himself. “No. Not anymore. Look.” He took your hands in his. “I don’t know why I kept that silly compact. Truth is I didn’t even know it was still in my nightstand until you found it.” He had told you the same thing weeks ago. He had repeated it on and on actually but this time, contrary to the previous ones, you actually believed him. “She gave me that compact years ago, at a time when yeah, I had feelings for her. I’m not gonna lie. But here me out.” He cleared his throat to find the strength to talk to you and sat up straight on the couch.       “Ada was a part of me I will never be able to forget.” That sentence was painful. It made you sob but Leon continued. You needed to hear what he had to say. “I met her in Raccoon City. She saved my life back there and she kept on saving me many times ever since. But the thing with Ada was that my feelings for her were leading me nowhere. And whatever relationship we had, it was just some cat and mouse game meaning I was running after her and she was running away. And apart from some very occasional sex, nothing ever truly happened.” You grimaced. You could have lived without knowing that. “But I was okay with that … until I met you. And I realised that whatever I was feeling for Ada was nothing in comparison to what I was feeling for you. A love that consumes me, that gives me a purpose, that makes me keep fighting everyday and want come back home every night, that make want to make this fucked up a better place. I love you, Y/N. And I should have told you all this since the very beginning.” You sniffed, looking at the sincerity and the love in his gorgeous blue eyes. “ Why didn’t you?” You asked, genuinely curious.         “ Cause I’m stupid. Cause I thought that burying my past would be better for our couple.” That was indeed stupid. Had you known all this, it would have caused the both of you less pain “But I look nothing like Ada. How can you love me?” You asked.   “ You just said it. You’re nothing like her. You’re my everything.” He grabbed your chin and laid a soft kiss on your lips that made shed a tear because of the intense love you could feel in it. “And, didn’t I tell you that blue was my favourite colour?” He joked with a wink. Good, cause as you were gazing at his eyes, you couldn’t help but think blue was also your favourite colour.

[soukokuwu]

ADA!DAZAI OSAMU

A BREATHING PAIN

》 angst, i caved (dazai x reader)

》 trigger warnings! death

》 word count: 2.6k

》 thanks @yokelish for this prompt, i went absolutely nuts and i still am

“where can i find another you”

When he thought of you, the first thing he could envision was your blissful expression. You never showed any sorrow on your face. Well, barely. Even if you did, it was only little snippets, and then you’d bury it deep within you, let yourself drown in it when you were alone.

How lonely must it have been to try and act that strong? Dazai knew of your act, though. He willingly let you get away with it. He was a terrifyingly observant person, and as much as he saw how sad you were beneath that tough act you put on, he also saw how badly you wanted to conceal it. And so he let you, by simply not questioning you.

He always wondered why it was that you were like that. It was the one thing he could never quite figure out. When he first got to know you, you weren’t as easy to read as other people were, but it wasn’t an impossible task for Dazai. Usually he wouldn’t even waste his time trying, but you were a peculiar little thing from the start, and so he attempted to do so.

You see— Dazai considered you a dear friend. The first one in a long time. Since Oda. He was unsure of the exact reason why, but throughout these four years that you’ve known each other, you were the closest he would let anyone could get to him. To interact with you made him feel different. With others it was almost a chore to even talk, but with you it felt effortless; comfortable.

You didn’t understand him completely, maybe just a little bit more than anyone else, but he appreciated that you didn’t pry; that you knew your boundaries. He was especially grateful that no matter how curious you were you would never let it show on your face just because you didn’t want him to feel bad. He could see through all of it of course, but he still thanked you silently for the attempt.

But what he thought he liked about you, he now hated. Dazai hated how you’d never tell him if you needed him by your side- you’d never tell him whenever you were falling apart. Dazai hated how you would hide every negative thing you’re feeling just for the sake of having smooth, easy conversations with him. He hated how much you tried to please him with every action. He hated how rarely there were ever any moments of intimacy between the two of you. He stopped as he thought about that last sentence. Or maybe, he thought, the thing he hated most was how much he was denying that single fact.

Dazai felt like a complete ass. It was like he knew you, but didn’t at the same time. Who was he kidding? He may have been able to tell what you were thinking most of the time, but he never questioned you about the reasons behind them. You could be sad and hiding it, he’d know that, but he wouldn’t know why. Who was he to say that he understood you? He started thinking he maybe never figured you out at all.

You never told him you needed him, you never told him there were times that you crumbled too. And so he pretended not to notice, doing his own things and living selfishly.

Tomorrows didn’t necessarily grant a future. It was something he wished he’d realised sooner. And thinking of you made the regret even worse. Not a day goes by without it haunting him— it was like the regret was injected into his bloodstream, destined to flow through him forever. He couldn’t leave it alone.

Why did you always insist on going through every hurtful thing by yourself? Sure, there were times when you undid the chains and let Dazai wander about in your mind— but now he regretted that he didn’t explore further. He always stopped himself before he got too far in. And he regretted that he had you tied up at his starting point. Why didn’t he grant your wish and allow you to trudge in further? Why did you let him make you wait there all by your lonesome, chaining yourself to the beginning? All you wanted was to know him, the dark parts, because you knew how lonely it was fighting alone. And yet you couldn’t achieve what you wanted.

And now here he stood— before your grave, as he did everyday for the past month since you passed on. He had thought of visiting you all day, and now that he’s here he felt even more depressed. A fresh bouquet of flowers in hand, much like every single day since you died. The non-existent courage to place it on your grave was the same for him everyday too. He just couldn’t. Everytime he tried, he couldn’t bring himself to. Why should he? He didn’t deserve it.

Why did he feel that way? Due to one simple thought that never left his mind: what right does the murderer have to put flowers on your grave when he put you in there in the first place?

That much he felt was true. As true as it was real that he did something unforgiveable.

He killed you.

Osamu Dazai killed you.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

The day you died—

Dazai stood before you, looking at your chest slowly rise up and back down, your eyes closed and unmoving. You looked so peaceful just resting there. There was a painful decision he had to make, and he had thought that looking at you would help him figure it out. But it didn’t. It just served to make him even more conflicted.

It wasn’t like he had anyone to confide in it about. You had no relatives— your parents died when you were young and your aunt, who had been your guardian, passed five years ago. You had been living alone all by yourself before you joined the ADA. No friends, no family.

He vaguely remembered the first few times the two of you hung out alone, you had celebrated the fact that you had made lots of new friends at the agency. It was a minor thing to be happy about, but then again you were a very lonely person, so maybe it wasn’t so weird after all. You were a reserved person and rarely spoke of your feelings about anything but that was one thing you let him see. From that alone he knew how much the people there meant to you. You deemed all of them your close friends. 

“Stop with your bullshit.”

The sudden accusation snapped him out of his thoughts. Dazai turned to face one of your coworkers, mildly surprised. Ranpo wasn’t usually one to show exasperation, and today he sounded especially frustrated and it caught Dazai’s attention. Dazai hadn’t expected to see him around either, considering how busy the agency’s been as of late.

“What are you talking about?”

“You already have an answer in mind, don’t you?” Ranpo asked him, looking at the ground in front of him. “Yosano couldn’t even heal her. We all know how bad it is.”

Dazai kept quiet. The only person who could come closest to guessing anything on his mind now was right in front of him. Hiding anything would probably be futile.

“I—”

But before Dazai could say anything else, Ranpo tutted and started walking away, knowing that he might let his emotions get in the way. What Dazai definitely needed now was more rationality, less emotions. He wasn’t sure why he came here, was it to urge him to make a decision? Or to try and convince him to make the right one? But then again, who was to say what was right?

Just before Ranpo turned the corner, he turned back, locking eyes with Dazai, his own green eyes sharp and unrelenting as he said, “You’re the only one she put as her emergency contact. It’s your responsibility. Stop wasting time.” And then he left, as much as he wanted to stay and fight for you.

A few hours later, Dazai was seated beside your body, holding your hand in his and bringing it up to his mouth. He kissed the back of it and let it stay there. He breathed in slowly. You didn’t even smell like you anymore. You usually smelled like gardenias, fresh and sweet. But now all he could smell was antiseptics and cleaning agents. Just like this whole hospital did.

“Her body is in so much pain. If this continues, I’m afraid it means that you’re simply prolonging her dying process.”

The doctor’s words rang clearly in his head. Dazai had said nothing then and simply walked away and back into the room. But he knew enough of what he was implying. You were on life support, and the doctor was just warning Dazai of the most likely scenario. It was just the day before. He didn’t tell anyone in the agency, they would just make everything harder. Ranpo figuring it out didn’t surprise him though.

Dazai looked at your face.

Are you in pain, my belladonna?

He was aware of the power that was in his hands now. To continue to fight for your life, or to alleviate the pain for you and let you go?

This is fucked up. This is so fucked up.

Your eyes, your voice, your smile, the way you scrunched your noise when you cringed and the way you pouted when you were playfighting with him. He had gone without any of it for a while and he was now actually having to entertain the fact that he would never see it again. His eyes travelled from your eyes down to your lips. He had a passing thought about what it would be like to be kissed by you, but now he would never find out.

You didn’t stop his suicidal tendencies but you made him feel excited for every new day. This was an achievement in itself already.

The person he spent countless nights with drinking, the one he let in after many years of closing himself off, even if only slightly, could actually be gone. He could lose you. It felt like a repeat and it actually hurt. For the first time in a long time, Dazai remembered exactly how it felt like. The helplessness. When he looked at you now his feelings mirrored how he felt as he looked at Oda for the last time, dying in his arms. He still remembered, no matter how much he didn’t want to.

If he could rewind time he would go and save his dear friend from the gallows, but that was not possible. What was possible now, though, was to save you. But would that be the correct choice? As he glanced at your face, he thought about what you might do. Would you choose to wait for him— if he ever got out at all? Or would you relieve him of his pain and finally let him get what he so desperately craved?

It didn’t take him long to figure out what you’d say to him now, though. Do what you believe is best, and don’t look back. He knew what he believed: There is nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering. And you were suffering.

“You’re in pain, aren’t you?” Dazai asked, full well knowing he wouldn’t get a reply. “It hurts, doesn’t it?” Dazai struggled to keep his tears at bay as he combed his fingers through your hair. The regrets started coming to him, one by one.

The remorse he felt for not showing you enough affection, even the remorse of not understanding you even better hurt. You always told him of all the stuff you wanted to do but never got to, and he listened, he remembered every one of them. Throughout the years you had accomplished several of them, some with Dazai even, and now no amount felt enough for him. He wanted to give you everything you wanted, everything he could give. Sometimes Dazai would be too tired or lazy to do them with you. You always said there would be more time for everything. You always said you could wait.

But you lied. You don’t have time. You don’t have any fucking time left. You’re leaving and you can’t wait for me anymore. You’re leaving without me. If anything I was supposed to go first, damn it.

He would even try to open himself completely to you if it meant you could open your eyes again, live again. Anything to be able to make you happy. He silently wished it in his heart, and then stopped himself.

“I might as well ask for a piece of the moon,” he mumbled to himself, chuckling in self-deprecation.

At that moment, your doctor came in, warily eyeing Dazai. “So—”

“Do it.”

The doctor heard him and got stunned in silence at Dazai’s stoic tone. Then Dazai spoke again.

“Pull the plug.”

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

In the empty cemetery, the day turned into night and Dazai still stood frozen in front of your grave, rooted to the spot. He gazed at the lights in the distance impersonating falling starlight.

He saw them got reminded of walking alongside you one night by the beach. You had spotted a shooting star and closed your eyes, clasping your hands together and bringing them up towards your chin, making a silent wish. He never asked you what you wished for. But as you finished making it, he caught you mumbling to yourself, “I might as well ask for a piece of the moon.”

What did you wish for?

After a few more moments of conflicting thoughts, Dazai finally sat down beside your grave and opened his mouth to talk to you, the first time since you died. What else did he have to lose?

“I swear I won’t lie to you anymore. I swear I’ll do everything you want with you. I swear I won’t make you wait anymore,” Dazai mumbled, staring at your name craved in the stone, choking as he tried to get more words out. Tears were starting to blur his vision. His hands smoothed over the carvings. “You were more than you thought you were to me. I should’ve let you know just how much you were worth.”

He trailed away, sighing, the tears still flowing down his cheeks. Why was he speaking all these? Then he shook his head, realising exactly why. Because he was wishing an impossible thing. Telling you all of this even if you couldn’t hear him— in the hopes of you coming back to life? He could almost slap himself for how ridiculous he was being. Why did he feel like this when it came to you? Incomprehensible.

The pain he felt coursed through him— it was a breathing pain. It would stay with him as long as he was alive. It lived in every corner of his body. It was painful everyday, having to see that empty table where you used to be, having to drink alone once again without your company and knowing what he’s missing out on, having to be reminded of your beautiful smile everytime he saw the photo the two of you took together. Even the silence hurt. But the thing that hurt the most is wanting to see you again.

Dazai subconsciously shifted closer and leaned back against your gravestone, craving to be closer to you even if it was just an illusion. He hated this. When he closed his eyes he saw you. When he opened his eyes you weren’t there. And he didn’t know which one was worse.

I wish you were back.

I wish I could turn back time.

I might as well ask for a piece of the moon, huh?

“and we left everything undone”

[soukoku-brainrot]

Soukoku celebrities AU

Yeah yeah, it’s probably nothing new but I’m adding to it anyway. It was originally a YouTuber au but that didn’t really make sense so here we are

Simply put, in this au, everyone knows of the Dazai-Chuuya situation (autocorrect’s a bitch) and quite frankly, it’d be more concerning if you were somehow unaware of it because it’s that well known.

They were both childhood actors and worked for the same agency for quite a while and their on screen presence was phenomenal. Though anyone who has ever worked with them would know that as amazing as they can act, when the camera isn’t rolling, they argue and bicker endlessly. They work well together and have a certain presence that can’t quite be described together and it’s hard to find it anywhere else and it’s part of what makes and performance and interaction they have on screen incredible but that doesn’t stop their bickering off screen. Most people who meet them together first question if they really are the same actors as the pair whose reputation speaks for itself. But then something happened, no one really knows what, there are a million and one rumours but the company hasn’t really confirmed anything and neither has Dazai or Chuuya. But all the media knows is that the two of them suddenly stopped working together entirely and Dazai transferred to another rival agency.

Bla bla bla, more things happen, they get social media accounts, both go out of their way to bicker over social media because for some reason that’s a priority? And everyone knows about it. Their “sessions” always send their fans crazy. (And can you blame them?) Kunikida always complains about Dazai doing it but every time one of their sessions occur, well, it’s good for the agency business wise so he honestly can’t say that much about it and same with Chuuya’s side. They’re reminded to not overdo it though but anyway, well, they’re generally left alone with their sessions.

Quite predictably, there are people who ship them. There are also fics written about them. Both are horrified when they first find out and their reactions are everything.

Anyway, onto the actual plot because yes, surprisingly I started writing this with an actual plan in mind so here we go. It’s a little like the fox-Disney situation and another company acquires rights of a show based off a series of novels and this company also owns the currently unnamed port mafia agency and the also currently unnamed ADA agency. It’s a pretty big company that took over the two agencies but it’s a deal that benefits all of them and they don’t really have to change all that much either and all’s good.

Then, auditions for the show go up. It’s a pretty big deal and it’ll be a big step for anyone who manages to lend the role. So obviously most of them would go for the auditions. Including Dazai and he posts about it and out of sheer pettiness, Chuuya decides to audition for the same role. Time rolls on and the roles are eventually decided and turns out Dazai got the role, the directors thought Chuuya would be better fitted for the love rival.

It’s the first time they’ve had to work together in years and obviously the both of them have their multiple complaints but well, the company technically owns them and in this case they don’t really have a choice either cause everyone is going crazy over who will get the role so they decided to give them both roles in the show and it’d be highly beneficial to both their careers to listen and just suck it up so well, very reluctantly, they do.

The show requires them to travel overseas too so again, no choice and off they go to some far away land to do filming. They dive right back into acting like nothing ever happened and they work together just as well as they did before, it’s amazing honestly. They continue being their usual bickering selves and one of their co actors filmed one of those sessions and posted it online with a caption of “yeah, this is what I have to deal with every single day on set” and there are a couple of comments that go along the lines of “they should kiss already” and “they’re not fooling anyone” and both of them comment on the post too which ends up in another squabble.

Anyway, they continue posting updates on the filming and what not and the other always comments and they almost always reference what happened on set and it’s basically a never ending cycle.

They continue with their bickering as usual but after a certain point, they admit (internally) that yes, they’ve actually missed the other. Neither of them are willing to actually admit it out loud, jokingly tease the other about “aww, Chuuya, did you actually miss me? Come on admit it already! You missed me, didn’t you?” Yeah sure but actually seriously say it, nope. Not there yet. Everyone is confused about their relationship because they tease each other like friends, bicker and argue like enemies and there’s a certain ...atmosphere that can’t quite be described ;)

But they do start going out for lunch or dinner after filming willingly though it started out in a very them way where they act like it’s not a big deal and just for their convenience but eventually, they come to admit that their time spent outside of filming means a lot to them too. (I’ve thought of a scene where fans find them having their dinner and after spending way too long there, they sorta sneak out together and with each other’s help)

Anyway, it’s like slow relationship developments, more fans speculating if they’re secretly dating and them eventually coming to the realisation that they like each other. Though that happens at the end of the filming, when they’re almost done and despite the fact that they’ll probably have a season two, they’re both a little scared about what will happen to them when they return back home, if they’ll reverse back to the old them and what they’ll do from there, bla bla bla, point is, neither of them confess.

They return back home and return to their individual sides of the company and neither of them really talk after that either, the show debuts with no problem and it’s amazingly received. Then, Dazai finally watches the first episode after putting it off for a long time and realised how much he’ll miss Chuuya and impulsively posts a photo of either a selfie they took together during the filming or a selfie of himself in front of his tv paused at a scene with the two of them with the additional caption of “as much as I hate this, I’ll admit, you’re like fungus, you’ve grown on me and I’ll actually miss filming with you”

Then Chuuya comes by his literal door and demands for a clarification on what he meant by that. Dazai takes a sorta step I guess and “exactly what it says. I will miss filming with you. Won’t you?” Comes out. The last part comes out more seriously than it should have but it sends Chuuya into a sorta silence and he reluctantly admits that yes, he would miss him, it snowballs into a confession and they get together and Chuuya sleeps over. And the internet finds out when Chuuya comments on one of Dazai’s posts saying how idiotic it is and Dazai goes on with a “maybe. But you’re still with me, aren’t you” and it’s responded with a “fuck you” and a kiss because well, they were both lying in bed when that interaction happened. The internet crashes.

(Not proof read, I really need to go to sleep soon, I don’t know what I was doing with this but here we are now)

[tinyboxxtink]

Okay SO--

Since nobody wanted to answer me right now and I was dying to write, I wrote beginning's for BOTH of my ideas. God almighty I really hope I didn't just start two different stories running at the same time.....NO. NO I WILL NOT. You have to CHOOSE which one you get now, and which one you get later.

The first one is called "Caught In The Storm" and the second one.....I can't think of a pithy title right now.

So...yeah. CHOOSE.

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@wanniiieeee

@aprildecker-blog

@milkshqke

@lolliepopsicle

@objection-argumentative

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

PS- For the first one, you really need to have heard or listen to "Caught In The Storm" By Katherine McPhee as heard on SMASH.

"Caught In The Storm"

“Okay I want you guys to be COMPLETELY honest, be brutally honest,” You instructed the group as Kelsey sat at the piano. They all agreed and yelled cheers as you began to sing:

You can push me away

I can take it

I can make you a promise

and break it

We know the way it goes by now

Running off just to see

if I chase you

I pretend I know how to replace you

Still we get tangled up somehow

You danced around the stage, singing happily to your “family”, that basically consisted to the entire NYC SVU squad and your two best friends, Kenneth and Kelsey.

Hear it thunder

And I wonder

How long can I hang on

I'm caught in the storm

I'm caught in the rain

I'm caught in the rush that hides this pain

I'm ready to drown

But it's coming down

But I feel so alive

Just let me go

Just walk away

If you love someone you never let them stay

Caught in the storm

You didn’t have the best family life growing up. Your dad was out of the picture, your mom worked 3 jobs just to keep a roof over your head, so you were alone a LOT of the time. You and your next door neighbor Kenny had become fast friends, and often his dad Fin would let you stay for dinner, even sometimes overnight if your mom was going to be really late.

As the bars on The Bowery are closing

You arrive at the door standing frozen

You say you thought you'd find me here

Tell me how I begin to forget you

When you keep coming back and I let you

Love me until you disappear

From then on, even when you went through high school and college, Fin was your “dad”. And when he became a detective at SVU, you’d often visit him because you didn’t live next door to him anymore and he seemed to ALWAYS be working.

I'm caught in the storm

I'm caught in the rain

I'm caught in the rush that hides this pain

You had quickly been “adopted” by Olivia Benson, and the other members of the squad. However, people began to shuffle in and out of the unit, the only consistency being your “mom” and “dad”. Currently, your “extended family” consisted of Nick Amaro, Sonny Carisi, Amanda Rollins and Rafael Barba, the ADA that often worked the SVU cases in court.

I'm ready to drown

But it's coming down

But I feel so alive

It had always been your dream to be a famous singer, but so far the closest thing you had to fame was being adored at Karaoke Nights at every club and bar you could find. But now, this was your big break. Someone at one of those karaoke nights owned a small up and coming bar/club, real nice and classy, and he wanted live music. A house singer, to be exact. Someone to sing there EVERY night, be adored ALL the time. Your big audition was tomorrow morning, and the “gang” had all agreed to come down and listen to your audition song at the club.

Just let me go

Just walk away

If you love someone

You never let them stay

Caught in the storm

You had been making sure you made eye contact with everyone during the song, dancing and twirling on the stage gleefully. You were losing yourself in the song, the lyrics speaking to you, as the bridge came up.

Let me wash away

You can find me after the flood

Let me wash away

The piano cut out for a moment after the crescendo, lightly dancing notes out of it now, leaving you in your head about the song’s meaning.

Caught in the storm

Caught in the rain

Caught in the rush that hides this pain

You didn’t even think, you just sang the last lines looking STRAIGHT into Rafael Barba’s eyes.

If you love someone

You find a way to stay

Caught in the storm

Suddenly you heard Kelsey clear her throat VERY loudly as she played the end of the song and you realized what you had been doing. You quickly looked down at the floor, praying to God no one noticed it.

Hmmm…..

You sang the last note to the floor, then looked up with the biggest fake smile you could and curtsied awkwardly while you turned to Kelsey and nodded for her to follow you as you bolted backstage.

“Tell me you didn’t notice anything at the end,”

“Oh you mean when you basically stared holes into the ADA’s eyes when you sang YOU LOVE SOMEONE?” She asked. “Oh yeah no, totally unnoticeable,” she added sarcastically.

“Fuuuuccccccccckkkkkkk…..”

“Y’all, WHAT was that?!” Kenny suddenly came from offstage to join the conversation. “Y/N, Girl were you drinking before this or just taking stupid pills?”

“I can’t...I’m not going to deal with this right now,” You waved them both away and walked out to face your “family”.

“Oooookay well, it’s totally getting late and I appreciate you guys hearing me out, get home safe!” You awkwardly spit out a million words a minute, looking around the room above everyone’s eyelines. It was like Stevie Wonder was giving them a goodbye spiel.

You quickly turned on your heels to bolt backstage and wait it out until they left, but the last voice you wanted to hear spoke up.

“Don’t you wanna hear our opinions, baby girl?”

You sighed and turned slowly to face all of them, their faces mostly super uncomfortable. You looked to Fin, who had made you stay.

“Yeah, sure-- go for it,” You threw your hand up dejectedly and waited for the drop.

“Well I’d say it was excellent, except for the part where you were eye fucking Barba,”

And there it was.

“FIN!” Olivia hit him, the rest of the squad squirming uncomfortably. You didn’t dare to see what Rafael was doing.

“Yep, there it is,” You rolled your eyes, starting to walk away.

“Where are you going Y/N, we’re gonna talk about this!” He started angrily walking after you.

“Talk about WHAT, Fin?” You spun around.

“Have you been screwing Barba behind my back?” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“WHAT?! NO!” You gasped in horror.

“NO,” Rafael added almost on top of you.

“He has nothing to do with it, Fin,” You assured him.

“Good because you and him, NEVER gonna happen,” He gestured between the two of you.

“Okay FIRST of all, I love you Fin but I’m a grown woman and you can’t tell me who to date!” You scoffed.

“Oh please Y/N you’re 22, you’re still my baby--”

“And SECONDLY,” You interrupted him. “I’m not ACTUALLY your daughter, so you don’t get an opinion,”

“And THIRDLY, I really, REALLY don’t want to have a long conversation with ANY of you about how I just professed my love for Rafael on--”

“Love? You’re in love with him now?” Fin interjected again, turning to Rafael. “What did you do?!”

“Oh my god, FIN,” You stood in between them. “He didn’t do anything, this is all on me,”

“This is insane, you are NOT--” Fin tried to start bitching at you once again, but Kenny came to the rescue.

“Dad, just let them be. She’s right this ain’t any of our business, no matter how angry you are right now okay? Just...let’s go, yeah?”

“Yeah alright…” Fin nodded to Kenny, then turned to you. “We’re going to talk tomorrow,”

“Can’t wait,” You muttered under your breath as they walked outside. Finally over that little debacle you started to make a beeline for the backdoor when you heard another voice you really didn’t want to.

“Y/N….Don’t you think we need to talk?”

You turned back to see Rafael standing there with a concerned look on his face. Awesome. You looked behind him noticing the rest of the squad waving goodbye at you and excusing themselves, leaving you and him alone.

“You know I really need to get some sleep before tomorrow, and--” You started to walk away, but Rafael grabbed your hand.

“Y/N…”

“What?!” You spun around again, now angry and tears in your eyes.

“What, Rafael? Unless the next words out of your mouth are ‘Gee you know what Y/N I didn’t realize it until this very second, but I’m in love with you too!’, then I REALLY don’t need to hear it, trust me,”

“Y/N come on, just talk to me,”

“Rafael I get it,” You bit back tears.

“You’re too old, or Fin’s too much of your friend, and I never should have said anything, but I did. But I’ve got the biggest audition of my LIFE tomorrow. So what I’d really like to do right now is go home, cry, drink and forget this night ever happened so that I can just focus on that, can I do that? Please?”

“I…” Rafael dropped your hand, but still looked at you with puppy dog eyes. “Yeah, I guess so,”

“Thank you,” You nodded to Kelsey who followed you out the back door, leaving Rafael alone in the dark and empty club.

----------

"Role Model" or TBD

“Shit, he’s going to kill me,” You muttered as you glanced at your phone. You were already twenty minutes late to Kenneth's party, and you were still stuck in traffic about a block away.

“You know what, I can walk from here,” You nodded to your UBER driver and exited the car, running down to the bar. You finally made it, glancing at the neon sign: BUDDY’S. It was you and your best friend’s favorite bar, and now you were late for his party.

You quickly gave the doorman your name and he nodded you in. The place was packed, per usual. You didn’t see anyone you recognized so you headed up to the bar and ordered a Porn Star Martini while you texted Kenny to see where he was.

“Oh my God do you think she knows?”

“She showed up so I’m guessing not,”

You glanced over to see two classmates from your law school a few feet away. They were clearly drunk and speaking louder than they believed they were.

“I can hear you, morons,” You rolled your eyes as the bartender handed you your drink.

“Oh! Y/N,” The first one giggled as they both stumbled over. “Sorry, we didn’t see you there,”

“Right,” You gave them a sarcastic smile. “And what exactly don’t I know?”

“That--” The other one started, but someone tapped you on the shoulder.

“Kenneth! Happy birthday! I’m so sorry I’m late it’s--”

“Please don’t kill me,” He cut you off.

“...Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?”

“No, I’m saying it to you, and I’m saying it again. Please don’t kill me, and I’d like to add I had NO idea this was going to happen,”

“What are you talking about?” You raised an eyebrow.

“I, um-- I invited my dad,”

“You invited your dad, to a gay club?” You sipped your drink with a skeptical look.

“I mean I mentioned it to him, I didn’t think he’d actually show up,”

“Okay so, what? You think your dad’s gonna cramp our style or--”

“He brought his friends,” He added with a very serious tone.

“...What do you mean, he brought his friends?” Your heart started racing.

“What do you think I mean?”

“Hey Hey party people-- OH. Y/N! You came!” Your other best friend Gabi walked up with shots.

“Give me that,” You stole the shot and took it immediately, the familiar burn of vodka travelled down your throat.

“Nice to see you too,” She snorted, then noticed Kenneth’s face. “Oh you told her, didn’t you?”

“Told me what?” You asked, praying to God you didn’t know the answer already.

“I think you know,” Kenneth gave you another apologetic look.

“We’re in the back,” Gabi grabbed your hand and pulled you through the crowd.

“Who’s we--” You started to ask, but then you saw them. At the back of the club, in a small secluded area with plush couches and a table sat a couple of your mutual friends, his dad Fin Tutola, and the entire squad of NYC SVU.

“I’m going to--” You growled under your breath.

“Please don’t kill me,” He whispered back.

“I won’t if you tell me tweedle dee and tweedle ditz haven’t been running their mouths off back here,”

“NO,” Kenneth almost yelled. “I have kept those vultures away from here all night, but--” He glanced over at the two girls who were obviously failing at flirting with the very gay men at the bar. “You know they’re just waiting to take you down,”

“So we’ll just wait them out,” Gabi shrugged as she came back from the bar with more shots. “Or, y’know shuffle him out the back door,”

“Shut up,” You took another shot from the tray and downed it.

“Are you really sure you wanna--?” Kenneth asked as you downed a second one.

“If I’m about to come face to face with the man of my dreams for the first time ever, YEAH Kenny, I’m pretty sure I do,”

“Man of your dreams,” Gabi scoffed playfully behind you.

“Shut up!” You hit her again. “He’s beautiful, he’s perfect, he’s--”

“Sitting RIGHT there,” Ken gestured to the group of “adults” now very much staring at your trio.

“Show time,” Gabi giggled as you nervously followed Ken to their group.

“Dad, you remember Y/N,” Ken nodded to you.

“Yeah, the lawyer right?” Fin asked, making Rafael’s ears perk up; he stared right into your eyes while you swore up and down you would NOT pass out in front of a whole club full of people.

“Law student,” You nervously responded, trying to keep your eyes on Fin.

“Well this is Rafael, Barba, our ADA. Maybe you’ve heard of him?” As soon as Fin introduced Rafael to your group, Gabi let out a very loud laugh. You elbowed her so hard she almost fell over back into the crowd.

“Sorry…” She made a face at you.

“...Is that a yes?” Fin asked in confusion.

“Nick, Sonny!” Ken suddenly yelled at the two men sitting next to Fin and Barba. “This is my best friend Y/N!”

They both waved politely, but you caught them scanning your body up and down with approving smiles. Had Rafael done that? You had been too embarrassed to look. Did he approve?

“Boy you are so rude, we were in the middle of a--” Fin started again.

“This is Olivia and Amanda, our partners,” Nick suddenly interjected. “Just so you know, they’re not our girlfriends,” He emphasized.

“Subtle, Amaro,” Sonny snickered. “You’ll have to excuse him miss, he’s already had a few,”

“Are we all introduced now? Are we good?” Fin looked at each of his compadres who nodded and went back to their conversation, but you noticed Olivia looking between you and Barba.

“So I’m guessing you do know--”

“Y’know Fin, I think it’s pretty obvious she knows who he is,”

“Liv!” Rafael looked over at her with his mouth agape, shocked she was being so aggressive. “Annnnddd no more drinks for you,” He took the wine out of her hand.

“This cannot be happening…” You looked up at the sky and muttered to no one in particular.

“I’m going to get a refill,” You suddenly excused yourself, having downed your beverage in 2.5 seconds. As soon as you were gone, Kenneth hit his dad.

“Really, dad?”

“What? Does she not like him or something?” Fin was completely obtuse.

“Oh no she REALLY likes him--” Gabi started to laugh again but stopped immediately when she saw Kenneth’s death stare.

“I don’t understand how she even knows who I am?” Rafael looked between the two of them.

“Law school, term papers, I don’t know,” Kenneth shrugged, not entirely sure how you got your obsession with Rafael Barba started. “All I know is that she has a huge thing for you, and she told me that in confidence,”

“Barba?” Nick suddenly yelled, only hearing the last part of the conversation.

“She has a thing for Barba?!”

Were the first words to greet you as you rejoined the group, new drink in hand.

“Oh my GOD, Kenny?!” You screeched. “You--You TOLD them?”

Your eyes darted between Kenny, Amaro and Barba. You didn’t know what to do, or say. You wanted to scream, throw up and run away all at the same time.

“NO!!! No, Y/N look I--”

“Save it,” You threw your fresh drink in Kenny’s face and stormed back into the crowd.

“Thanks, Amaro,” Kenny sighed as he grabbed napkins to dry his face. Rafael looked to where you had run off to, then to Kenny, then to Fin.

“Should I--?”

“Oh good GOD no, please don’t,” Kenny assured him. “I’ll go get her, it’s my fault,” He sighed and ran through the crowd after you.