#2023: my so-called life

[kinetic-elaboration]

February 15: My So-Called Life 1x01

I’ve literally spent my whole afternoon and evening digesting lunch uuuuuh good thing this luncheon only comes once a year. I took a nap and woke up in rather a bad mood but watching My So-Called Life (and eating crackers) has helped. I thought that since I have seen this so many times, I wouldn’t have much to say but…honestly I see it from different angles each time, and I notice new things.

Here are some random observations:

The story of my life is re-watching MSCL and appreciating Patty more each time as I get older. And so the tradition continues. I love Patty so much and even though I know when I myself was younger, I found her way more…annoying, even villainous perhaps, because I took the story at a certain face value I suppose, now when I watch it’s hard to understand where Angela gets her vitriol from in this ep. Like, your mom is trying her best and she is pretty great? But it does make sense: Patty is always the bad guy, Graham has always taken the easy road, been more fun. And most importantly, Patty and Angela are so similar. I really felt this time that Patty is just Angela grown up—except that Patty was cooler in high school. But her self-awareness and her thoughtfulness, her desire for change and growth—the way she talks about the cheese—“Do you think I ever wanted to sound this way?”—the linguistic tics like “in my humble opinion”—and of course the “I thought [your hair] died of natural causes” which is absolutely an Angela joke—they are the same! Or similar enough for conflict.

Graham on the other hand…what a wet noodle. What a pathetic little man. I was really against the idea that he and Patty would have divorced in S2, primarily because I see S1 as their marriage improving, not disintegrating, and I don’t think he and Restaurant Lady were anywhere near an affair—but now I sort of wonder… Does not Patty deserve better? I appreciate and identify with Graham’s sense that his life has become something he didn’t sign up for, that he’s just sort of wandered into who he is and what he does. That’s a fine conflict for an adult to have and I think it’s ballsy to give him that conflict within the context of a show about teens. But at the same time: grow a spine.

Last time I watched, I felt myself becoming very critical of Angela. That was sort of the theme of that re-watch, I suppose. This time, I felt more sympathetic. Yes, she’s not being great as a daughter and she’s a pretty terrible friend to Sharon, and there is something…trying so very hard not to say ‘cringe’ here…distressing if realistic about her reaction to Anne Frank. But she is also so much mor observant than most people let alone most teenagers. “My Dad thinks everyone in the world is having more fun than him”?? Yeah, that’s so true though! It’s interesting to see the way she still has blind spots, for example about herself, sometimes about Patty, but she perceives so many things that I really don’t think most people would ever think about or put into words.

I’ve also come to ship Jordan and Angela so much harder as an adult and I truly think his crush on her starts here in the pilot. As a kid, I’d always watch from Angela’s perspective, where Jordan seems mysterious and cool and she’s just like this dork. But from his perspective? This random girl finds him at a party where he’s clearly trying to avoid people, she has secret knowledge about the day of the week, and the next time he sees her, she’s disappearing into a cop car. How mysterious and cool! The little “out on bail” joke was cute.

The encounter with the guys in the parking lot is way scarier to watch as an adult. Like Rayanne is just reckless and in over her head, Rickie is scared, and Angela is straight up naïve. She would have gone with them!! Literally they make it out of that situation because only one of the guys was a rapist and the other had enough of a moral core to remove his friend from the situation and that is IT.

It was also interesting to me how quickly Rickie ran when the police came. I never really thought about that all that much, but watching it now, I wonder if he was concerned as a young man of color, or as a gay kid—or perhaps as a kid from an abusive home, how his uncle would react if Rickie showed up in a cop car. Similarly, when he talks about how he’s “waiting for his life to start,” this hits so different than when Angela says similar things. Angela means it in a general I’m-fifteen way. Rickie means that he doesn’t even have access to the usual rites of passage of people his age because he’s a gay boy in Pittsburgh in 1994.

I know I’ve said this before but I maintain as strongly as ever that Rayanne is queer and in love with Angela. Her repetition of “it hurts to look at you,” even knowing the context that Angela suggested it for convinces me of this. There is no other reading. I’m torn on whether or not I think she’s a lesbian… I think this is a fair reading, but not as required. I think it’s interesting that Angela sees Jordan as like this mythical, cool, perfect guy, who is just so attractive—but she’s really that person! Look at the pilot: Rayanne has a crush on her; Brian has a crush on her; Jordan is developing a crush on her; even Rickie, who she as yet barely knows, seems honestly moved and intrigued by her in the Let’s Bolt parking lot scenes.

I’m probably too tired to really get into it, but there’s a very interesting motif of artifice, story-telling, role-playing, etc. that I don’t know that I ever picked on precisely before.  I mean yes it’s a coming-of-age story narrated by a 15-year-old so obviously it’s going to be about artifice, because a big part of coming of age is learning who you are and how you exist, or can/should exist, in the context of the world around you. But I think this episode was very subtle about it in a lot of ways. Angela telling Brian that “everyone’s an act, even you,” when he accuses her of being someone she’s not. Angela telling her English teacher that the yearbook is just stories that aren’t true, because if they were true “it would be a really upsetting book,” and then at the end, Rayanne and Rickie tell a story about the encounter at Let’s Bolt that is not at all true, but which hides and makes bearable a very upsetting truth. Angela herself is drawn to Anne Frank’s diary, I suspect in part because it is real, and because she feels that it has an unvarnished sort of truth to it: in hiding, she became free, is how she sees it. When you don’t worry about storytelling and roles and boxes and expectations, you are truly YOU. What a fantasy, what an ideal, for someone who is 15. Perhaps for all of us. Of course, with age and experience, you recognize that survival-mode does not allow you to reach your realest or fullest or best self and that people do not flourish in traumatic circumstances. The Diary itself as a historic artifact is very famously only part of the story—I don’t mean the edits, I mean that it stops before she’s captured and does not include her death. That’s a pretty important context! But I think Angela divorces it from that context. She has a certain idea of what truth is, but that conception is still very much a work in progress. Which is very 15, but also, I mean, something I still work through at not-15.

A lot happens in these episodes… they really knew how to use 48 minutes in the 90s.

[temeyes]

Slip-Up

[yoon-dowoon]

you're my best friend for the rest of my life until the days tinge purple once again bangtan boys and their songs for armys 💜 (cr. bemyjinnie, merjy_)

[stardustdiiving]

How evil is arlecchino and what is she cooking

As of 4.2, I’m really curious what they’re planning with Arlecchino as a character, especially as a villain/antagonist/morally dubious character, and how far/which direction they may go with that

Intuitively my impression is we’ll see her do something way more “villainous” than she presents herself as being for majority of Fontaine’s AQ in front of us right—(which isn’t a surprise given that, you know, Arlecchino nor the House of Hearth have never been presented as 110% ethical LOL) but I find myself not being in complete agreement with most analysis or speculation threads I see about Arlecchino’s morality and the like, level of sinister people seem to ascribe to her.

Idk how to put it, especially in regards to her children I do agree they are not a wholesome found family, that Arlecchino is not above pulling strings or using them for her own ulterior motives, but I kind of hesitate on the idea she only cares about the Hearth children as a means to the end/things she can control and there’s nothing else going on with her characterization wise there. I’m not saying that impression seems remotely unreasonable or unfounded, but just that it feels there’s something intentionally missing in how we are supposed to conceptualize her as a person

My main reasoning for this hunch is the fact they have not elaborated on Arlecchino and the previous Knave—who Arlecchino is stated to have taken over the position from by force. The extra tidbits I think about are that 1) Arlecchino was previously an orphan in the Hearth 2) the previous Knave is described as way, way crueler to the children of than Heart than Arlecchino was from when she took control of the House

Often, people’s major indicators that the House of the Hearth is kind of super fucked up are the NPCs we meet in world quests who are part of it and clearly suffering. But one thing I haven’t ever seen people mention w this that i think is a very interesting detail is, in The Very Special Fortune Slip Inazuma worldquest, where we stop this House of Hearth guy (Efim Snezhevich) from manufacturing tension between Watasumi/the Shogunate to restart the war with his other Hearth subordinates, at the end of the quest we get this dialogue that reveals he had been acting under the previous Knave’s directives:

It’s also mentioned he’s employing this plan in an attempt to “rebuild the prestige of the Knave” following Signora’s death, iirc? Now, see, the dialogue itself says that this is “assuming our captive is telling the truth” so who knows what’s really going on, but I find this a really odd/interesting thing to highlight. I’m a bit fuzzy on other world quests with Hearth members, and am not saying none of them were acting and subsequently being treated poorly by our Arlecchino, but like, this gives me a lot of questions especially when paired with implications this previous Knave seemed to be way worse

Like, what drove Arlecchino to take over? How unexpected and controversial was this within the House? Assuming the above information is all true it definitely says something this guy went rogue and acted on what the previous Knave would want and didn’t think our Arlecchino would greenlight it, which does feel consistent with the previous Knave being described as basically worse & crueler than our Arlecchino. It also makes me question how much house of hearth things we’ve seen outside the main story are the work of our Arlecchino or if there’s a bigger divide of loyalty. Heck, I could be wrong but it doesn’t even seem like we know if the previous Knave is dead or not

This isn’t me saying Arlecchino couldn’t possibly be treating hearth children worse than she wants us to know, especially ones who aren’t her “favorites” the way the fontaine trio seem to be, but I really don’t feel sure about making a solid conclusion of her exact level of malice the way ppl r generally understanding it rn when it feels there’s going to be more about her. Just the idea of she, as a Hearth child, clashed with the previous leader who was known for being cruel, overtook their position and took on less harsh methods of leading that made at least some members with more power/possible closer proximity to the previous Knave go rogue and try to commit atrocities in the previous Knave’s name…I feel this leaves a lot of room to suggest there’s more going on with how Arlecchino is as a person

I don’t mind if she’s just very evil and deceptive bc if she totally had me fall for thinking she was less evil than she actually was that’s fun tbh. But I feel people suggest that’s all her character could be with no degree of like, “sympatheticness” or deep grey morality and that if her character did go there it would be automatically poor writing and genshin walking back on making a truly evil woman when IDK. I feel you can claim at this point they have left it open ended and it’s never been completely confirmed she’s pure evil. Also sometimes I just get a hunch and feel cautiously confident in Genshin executing certain characters well. Not all characters, just certain ones. Especially given Fontaine’s character writing being very good and a character like Lyney feeling very solid to me when any development with Arlecchino would likely involve him and his siblings as well, I honestly feel open to the idea of Arlecchino being satisfyingly written to be both villainous/morally dubious but “sympathetic/likable as a person” in ways outside of just her ruthlessness if that makes sense

If I’m wrong/they drop the ball with it more than I anticipate I’ll eat my hat but I am pretty excited about her character and which way they decide to go with it. I will say the only potential impression I have of where they’ll go with her has been wondering if it will go in a “cycles of abuse” direction—I’d be surprised if they ever elaborated on Arlecchino’s character especially in how she feels about things and her also growing up as an exploited child of the hearth wasn’t relevant

[phant0m-png]

CRINGETOBER '23 DAY 9: Crossover ship/Rarepair

*in marge simpson voice* i just think they're neat! :]

[red-moon-at-night]

You know what. I hope, when I open youtube dot com to watch Cat on 26th July that Kazui Mukuhara IS the cat. and we just have another Muu situation except everyone is cats instead of bugs

[eeveekitti]

pspspsp. can you pitch the basic plot of entropy: zero to me in the way you would if you were trying to convince someone to play it

anon do you know what youve done /silly

[here's just the game descriptions for those who don't want to see 200+ words about a half life mod]

do YOU like half-life 2?? and optionally the HL1 expansion opposing force?? have YOU ever wondered what it's like to play as the combine?? well that's the entire pitch of this free-to-play HL2 [EP2 apparently, didn't know that] mod!

in entropy : zero, you play a combine metrocop, stranded in the unheard of city 10 almost a year before the events of HL2. your job? surviving the harsh cold, and taking down an entire rebel base!

fighting your way through the rebel outposts and working your way into becoming more and more of a threat is the fun of the first installment in the entropy series.

entropy : zero 2 is a much more character-driven game, and what attracts most people to the series, following a much more talkative and very interesting iteration of our protagonist.

this time, you pick up the story after the events of HL2, hunting down well-known resistance member judith mossman in the north. there's actually so little i can say on entropy 2, so much of it is character-focused, but i promise you it's super super good!!!

and a personal funfact: ez2 is my favorite game ever as of current [even above rain world!! and i'm a rain world blog!!] and has my favorite character ever in it!

so i highly encourage everyone who owns hl2 play these mods please please please [<- desperate for a tumblr fandom to exist] and if it sweetens the deal for you-- i'm like 90% sure they're making a third installment!!

[evilmagician430]

who up sinning their fest

[radio-4-is-static]

ハイパーベンチレイション | RADWIMPS from BACK TO THE LIVE HOUSE TOUR 2023

[mo-ok]

10 Seasons, 80 Heroes /// Here's the Pink and Yellow Ones

[kinetic-elaboration]

March 21: My So-Called Life 1x06

To me, The Substitute is probably the weakest episode of the series, but this might be my bias talking because I really hate Mr. Racine. I find him incredibly annoying. I think that’s the point—that is excruciatingly obnoxious to anyone over the age of 18—but he still drags the story down in terms of watchability.

Nevertheless, I will give the episode credit for still being very smart. There’s a cliché to the story (in the way a lot of MSCL eps are cliché, probably because they invented the cliches at issue), the new, cool teacher comes in and treats the kids like adults and they learn and grown under his mentorship… he changes lives, man. But it still subverts or complicates those cliches throughout. Like, I hate Vic but I love that I hate him because I think he’s supposed to be immediately transparent to someone not in high school. Of course an adult who treats you like an equal, or appears to, is going to appeal to teenagers but I see this fellow adult and I think ‘he has serious issues.’ Everything about him, from the socks that don’t match to the throwing out the papers to the random insults and yelling to the toothpicks, which are definitely a replacement for some kind of bad habit or addiction, just screams red flag! Red flag! Red flag!

It's not a story where he starts out totally cool and then becomes totally villainous. He’s a dangerous presence, threatening violence, right from the start, and ultimately, his real story reveals him to be, not really a bad person, but deeply, deeply damaged: not a hero, just human. I don’t have sympathy for him. But they didn’t go the route of him having try to hurt the kids, for example; the truth was he didn’t really care about them at all, not even enough to learn Angela’s name. He’s just wrapped up in himself and slightly unhinged from reality. And he did really help them write better, and he did engage them in learning, and he did get Angela to care about an issue that really did matter to her. He was also a legitimately good teacher for Jordan, although I will say, really following through on teaching someone to read requires sticking around for more than 2 weeks.

This is the first time I really connected Angela’s opening voiceover to the rest of the episode: do teachers have real lives? Yeah, they do. They have real lives and real homes and real biases and real messy personal lives. That’s her real lesson. Like so many other parts of her coming of age story, she’s learning to see adults as just other people, not as figures that only relate to her.

As far as the actual paper goes… I am definitely old and square because I certainly do see the point of view that publishing some of those pieces, and not just the “haiku” in a school magazine is inappropriate. It’s actually most wild to me that no one took offense to the person stalking their ex and talking about killing a dog, or the kid who outright talks about taking his own life to get back at his father. I mean, I don’t actually find either of those pieces super objectionable, but I think they’re just as objectionable, and would just as much run afoul of reasonably placed content restrictions on student work, as the not-very-explicit sexy piece. But content restrictions need to be announced beforehand. The school, which obviously has no control over anything, clearly has never bothered putting guard rails on the lit mag, and why should they? It’s produced from student class assignments, inevitably very dull. So I’m not surprised no one ever wrote down guidelines or rules. Once the magazine was produced, it was a poor idea, logistically, to try to get rid of it. That is only going to make the students want it more. Also, it was successful in getting everyone reading—really engrossed too, not just flipping forward for the short erotic poem! So on the whole, it was probably worth it.

I guess what I’m really saying is that the real fuck-up of this situation is the lack of planning and clear communication on the part of the administration. Like this frustrates me from the point of view of someone who works in academia. But I do think high school students deserve the respect of having decisions explained, otherwise it is just censorship, and it is wrong, and Angela was ultimately right to defy it. That she got away with it struck me as mostly just a consequence of the episode running out of time, but I guess I could see it as the principal just backing down as he usually does. I think Angela’s demographic helped her a lot, and maybe the principal’s sense that the best thing he could do was just not goad her. In that sense, actually pretty smart.

It was also interesting that even though the Graham-affair story line was basically resolved in 1x04, some of that uncertainty lingers. We never really find out how much he knows she knows, and it’s certain they never discuss it outright. She mentions her father in her fable, and Graham connects Vic’s abandonment of his family to the specter of his own possible abandonment of his family—it’s all this ambient anxiety still.

A lot of the story of this ep was self-contained but I liked the seeds of the Sharon and Rayanne friendship, the continuation of the strained-gender-roles theme with Patty and Graham (what we need is a wife!!!!), and the additional insights into Jordan. He was so polite, calling Vic “Mr. Racine,” when everyone else seemed to be on a primarily first-name-basis with him. He just… really is a sweet kid, ultimately. I’m so used to watching this show with Angela-goggles but watching him from just…the point of view of an adult, he’s less heartthrob and more like… I want to tuck him into bed.

[eosofspades]

every single person making gifs of the little mermaid 2023 on here is more talented at lighting, coloring, and editing than the actual moviemakers

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

Anyone else kinda wondering if during the whole Kendom plot there's a second (Ryan Gosling) Ken thats in Barbieland and is the one facing off with Simu Ken and maybe even its just a big fight for who is the one true Ken? No? Just me? Alright cool no worries

[carcinized]

i dont know how to express to someone who has never played womens soccer what lindsey horan's goal today meant to me (and girls everywhere) but like . holy fuck im not kidding when i say that changed my life. my mom straight up cried

[mishervellous]

Gallavich Week 2023 Day Six (Shakespeare)

@gallavichthings

“And when they're complete, I swear to thee—we shall fly beyond this isle—the corners of the world our mere prologue. I'll seek to make thy happiness so great that e'en the name of liberty's forgot. What sayest thou to my most hopeful wish?”

“Yes.”

inspired by this wonderful life is strange scene and with a special sorryistillhavetofinishwritingthis thank you my accomplice @creepkinginc 💙

[ffrogie]

didnt call for that in our year 2023 we would be getting a dnpg google feud.

what a fucking time to be alive-