#3 different people reblogged that poll from me with 3 different answers

[greetingsfromrivain]

Reading all the tags for that werewolf poll and people’s various explanations is making me think of like, a sitcom style fic where everyone gets bitten by a werewolf and they’re all hiding it from each other loll

[m-ilkiee]

Monsters: Mikey Sano x Reader x Izana Kurokawa

Chapter 2: Shots Fired

series summary: your grievous sin was Emma standing up for you to her brothers. and now you’re going to pay the heavy price for destroying their perfect family dynamic.

chapter summary: Izana Kurokawa demands your attention and he doesn’t take no for an answer. Not even when his demands are outrageous.

cw: DARK CONTENT, MISOGYNY, NSFW, r*pe mention, religious guilt, depictions of PTSD and CPTSD, emotional incest, incestuous assault (NOT THE SANOS), abandoment issues, violence, revenge porn, depression, filming without consent, drugging, domestic (physical and sexual) abuse, victim blaming, blackmailing, depictions of rape culture, manipulation, gaslighting, noncon, dry humping, mind break, psychological and sexual torture, use of firearms, attempted su*cides

r-18+ (not suitable for 17 and under)

wc: 11.6k

[masterlist] [chapter 1] [chapter 3] [taglist]

a/n: likes are nice, comments and reblogs with comments are superior, anons are also superior too and would make me update faster cause it means people like what i write. this chapter takes an entirely different turn from the old story, some scenes are similar but the context is different. i host polls after this so stay tuned.

 YOU haven’t been able to stay asleep for the past few days.

It’s easy to fall asleep after a hard and stressful day at school and your part-time job. Your limbs ache from all the walking and lugging a bookbag far heavier than what you could handle -since all your e-textbooks were on your (now destroyed) laptop and phones were not allowed during lectures. And working from 5pm until 9pm at a restaurant, serving food to rude, overbearing customers only to be paid in pieces was another added stress in itself.

Not to mention, studying until the words are bleary and just looking at a book hurts your eyes.

But then, in all your dreams, everything you’ve pushed to the back of your memory is at the forefront. Your dream starts typically, your normal school day, waking up, dressing in your cute little blue crop sweater and jean skirt with socks. You go to classes, and then you see Mikey’s car waiting for Emma.

Things take a different turn. He’s the one getting out of the car to meet you. It’s like a siren call, him holding out his hand for you to take despite someone screaming for you to stop. You try to reject him, try to run away like the voice said but you end up getting trapped. This time, he’s not using his hands. He’s fully sheathed inside you, robbing you of the thing you hold so dear while you kick, bite and claw at him until you wake up screaming, sweat soaked all over your sheets.

You consistently dream of being violently raped by Manjiro Sano.

The next few hours until sunrise were equally horrible. You’re quietly sobbing into your pillows, praying to God to forgive you for letting Mikey touch you in the first place, assuming your reason for having such dreams was God’s divine judgement for your grievous sin. You’ve lost count on how many Bible verses you stay up reading until your eyes are bleary and the sun comes up.

No matter how much you pray and how many times you recite psalms 127 before you sleep, you can never escape Mikey in the world of dreams. He’s a virus that has invaded your thoughts, corrupting every dream you had and twisted them into nightmares.

You don’t know how long you can hold on being this sleep deprived. It’s been impairing your school life, trying to find a way to stay awake during classes only for you to fall asleep and miss the rest of it. Even when you got notes from the person next to you, reading them was always difficult because your eyes hurt so much.

Work was even more taxing and stressful, rush week adding more stress than you could ever imagine. You found yourself spacing out more than usual when you were supposed to be taking orders. You were unable to keep up with the fast paced environment, your body feeling like a ton of bricks with every moment you make. Your eyes were heavy lidded, tired from forcing them open throughout the day.

You were so, so tired-

“Hello! Are you sleeping on me young lady?” A voice snapped at you.

Your eyes shot open and immediately you stood back straight. You must have been dozing off while taking the older lady’s order -the very thing you’ve been trying to avoid all day long. “No, not at all Ms-” you started to explain. “-I was just … what was your order aga-”

You flinched when the woman angrily slammed her fist on the table, shutting you up instantly! “So you were sleeping on the job! What kind of establishment allows this?” She screamed, attracting the attention of customers around. “I need to speak to your manager. NOW!”

You instantly began to panic at the mention of your manager. If he heard any of this, he was definitely going to fire you. You cannot afford to lose this job right now, with all your school expenses and saving up money for next session’s tuition.

“No mam!” you begged, keeping your voice even as you tried to reason with her. “Th-there’s no need for that! Please! Let me take your order and I’ll-” you racked your brain for an excuse, knowing fully well your establishment does not offer free meals. “- I’ll pay for your meal! On me-”

“So you’re trying to imply I’m poor?” She interrupted you again, her tempo even higher than before. “You disrespectful little wretch! How dare you? GET ME YOUR MANAGER RIGHT NOW!”

You started begging the older woman, trying to calm her down and de-escalate the situation, but each plea only fuelled her rage. By now, every customer, every employee and just anyone in that place watched you grovel and beg this woman to calm down, some people even videoing your altercation. Your body was trembling as she screeched in your ears, calling you all sorts of names while you relentlessly apologised to her.

“What is going on here?”

You winced at the sound of your manager’s voice emerging from the backrooms. You stood stiffly as he walked to your side, using his shoulder to nudge you out of the way. “Is there something wrong Ms.?” He asked the lady. “What happened?”

“This little wretch!” She practically screeched at you, her finger wagging straight at your hung face. “She was sleeping while I was ordering! And when I pointed it out to her calmly, she called me a hag!”

Your eyes snapped open. You can tolerate people yelling at you, but lying is out of the question. “I did not call you anything! That’s a lie-”

“You be quiet!” Your manager yelled at you, silencing you. He turned to face the woman again, apologising profusely for your so called rude behaviour. “I promise you mam, she will be dealt with accordingly. Your order is in the house, please take that as a token of our humble apology and forgive us.”

You stood there in shock as the woman smirked satisfactorily at her now free meal. “Well, you better get rid of her!” She snarked, eyes scanning you up and down, plopping back down on her seat. “Or you’ll lose me as a patron.”

“Of course mam.” He said sweetly before switching his countenance towards you into a more irritated one. “You, come with me.”

You lowered your head once again in disappointment as you started following your manager towards the back rooms, your head lowered in shame as the eyes followed your every move to your damnation waiting for you in the manager’s office.

Your skin crawled as you felt his penetrating gaze on you, as if judging you. “You know how many complaints I have received this week just from you, (name)? How many orders you’ve messed up?”

You shook your head no in response, not trusting yourself to say anything reasonable at this point. He eyes you up and down again before scoffing at you rudely. “I only let you stay here because you said you were desperate for a job. But apparently, you’re not even bothered enough to keep it.” He spat out. “Unfortunately for you, this is the end of the road for you here. Change out of your uniform and leave.”

“But s-”

“I said you’re FIRED. GET OUT.”

You sighed weakly, obeying your now ex-manager’s order and leaving the office. You ignored the eyes of everyone watching you exchange the too tight black jeans and green top uniform back to your white bohemian skirt and light blue top with your white jacket. Calmly, you packed your school bag and everything you owned with you and slung it over your shoulder, replacing the uniform back to the locker, dropping the key on top.

No one said goodbye to you as you left through the back door.

  IZANA knows it's creepy to be waiting for Emma just outside her college, but it's not like he has a choice when she keeps ignoring any method he uses to contact her.

Mindlessly, he fiddled with his lighter with his back on the wall of the English department building and an unlit cigarette between his lips. Purple eyes scanned the people leaving the building one by one, hoping to find a mop of golden hair amongst the students. His hopes rose with each blond he saw, only for him to deflate when he realised they weren't her.

A few minutes passed and still no sign of Emma. Deciding that he didn’t want to stand around and gape, Izana lifted his lighter towards his cigarette, flicking the light twice and bringing the warm flame to his lips. Breathing in the familiar scent of nicotine, smoke filled his lungs as he tucked the lighter back in his pockets. His free hand took the cigarette from his lips and he exhaled, releasing plumes of smoke from his lips.

His smoking habit had gotten worse within the past week. Izana couldn’t help it, reaching for a light anytime he saw his gifts in the dustbin. Emma hasn’t been this angry at him before. Usually a new plushie was enough to wash his sins clean, no matter how grevious they were. Now, not even the most expensive shoes she’s been eyeing for months could satiate her anger.

All because of you.

Izana knows his little sister like the back of his hand. Like how she loved sleeping with plushies because it comforted her whenever their mother brought her gambling friends into the house and they were loud. Or how he picked up a guitar to learn multiple barbie songs because their mother had destroyed Emma’s CD that he bought with his money to punish her. He knew she liked warm tea during her periods and gentle back rubs to ease her pain. He’s not the best person to be around, with how fucked over he was by life until Shinichiro gave him purpose but he loved his sister a lot and everything he did was to protect her. Life hardened him, made him so jaded that the only thin thread connecting him to his humanity was Emma and he’d do anything to protect his humanity.

Only to watch it slip through his fingers.

First it was Mikey’s stupid friend, Ken Ryugi, who waltzed his way into Emma’s life. Izana didn’t like him one bit- didn’t like how Emma would bite her lip, waiting for him to reply and cry herself to sleep when he didn’t. Her heart was soft, fragile and that brute tore it apart by telling her he wasn’t interested in a relationship yet.

The only reason Ken wasn’t in an unmarked, shallow grave in the middle of nowhere was simply because Mikey was involved.

Now it is you, taking the space in her life that belonged to him and Mikey. You’re pushing both of them out of the equation, threatening their position in their sister’s life and everything they know.

Izana wonders how someone so insignificant was so important to Emma that she was willing to cut communications with her own brothers. It baffles him beyond understanding and at the same time enrages him that she could trust you so easily. That she was willing to turn against him in your name.

He took more puffs, skimming throughout the campus for any sight of her. It didn’t matter how he felt about it, as Kisaki had convinced him to ask Emma and you to go shopping, just to get back into Emma's good graces again. Apparently doing a nice gesture publicly for you would convince their sister to give them another chance again.

Especially because Izana had been the biggest opposition to their friendship.

“But Mikey was a little shit about them too.” he grumbles underneath his breath, cigarette in hand. “Why do I have to be the one to apologise? And why did Mikey get an out while I’m doing all the heavy lift-”

His thoughts were cut short the second he caught sight of a familiar blonde hair bouncing in the wind and stood up straight, tossing the cigarette to the floor and crushing it underneath his black shoes, before rushing to catch up to his little sister.

Izana pushed through the throng of people, violently shoving anyone that got in his way until he finally fell in step with her, slowing down to match her pace. Without wasting time, his hand curled around the girl’s wrist, stopping her in her tracks instantly and earning a shocked gasp escaped her lips.

“Get off me - Izana?”

Her free hand was fast to hit him, but her head was faster in turning around, only to recognize it was just Izana. Her hand stopped inches away from the smirking male’s face, the tension leaving her body and relief taking its place. It doesn’t last long, though as irritation suddenly crawls on her face, instantly displeased at his actions. “What the hell? I’ve told you to stop doing that.” she hissed at him.

A mischievous grin made its way to his face at Emma’s irritation. She always had a pout whenever she was angry at him and it made look even more adorable.

“Were you scared?” He teased, pulling Emma closer to him until she was practically smushed at his side, despite the glare she gave him in response. “You know no one would dare touch you.”

“Get off me. Your breath stinks like nicotine, I thought you said you quit smoking that shit.”

Ignoring Emma’s last question, he decided to change the topic. “Your lapdog isn't here with you?” he asked. Usually, you would be hovering behind her like a damn pest, so you not being around her was rather strange. 

Emma is quick to shove him off lightly, putting some distance between the two of them, clearly still mad at him. "(Name)'s not feeling well, so she didn't come to class today. I'm on my way to get her medicine."

Oh, that's a surprise.

But with you out of the way, Izana could finally have Emma all to himself for today and hang out with his beloved sister. Maybe even make up for the party thing without apologising to you. Without you here, it’s likely Emma isn’t as mad at the whole situation and is playing it up to make you feel like you have someone on your side.

He knows you’re not going to protest if Emma says she’s in talking terms with her brothers again. It’s a win-win situation and he doesn’t have to grovel or ask for forgiveness for some joke that went wrong.

"So that means we can hang out?"

"Excuse me?"

"You don't have to keep pretending you're still mad at me now that she isn't here." He spews the 'she' with so much venom it could kill, before switching up with a sick grin, his hand stretched out. "We can go to Vivienne Westwood and get that Saturn necklace you like, what do you say?"

His words hung in the air as Emma trailed her pointed glare from his hand, back to his cheerful visage. She crossed her arms in response slowly, her yellow eyes burning holes into his face as her lips curled into a sick sneer.

“Are you insane?”

“What?”

“Don’t ‘what?’ me Izana! I just told you (name)'s ill and you're asking me to go with you to shop at Vivienne westwood? Are you nuts?”

Emma’s voice was loud enough to garner wandering eyes of other by-standers, watching the event go down. Izana kept his composure, despite his bubbling irritation beneath the surface of his skin, with a smile -albeit stiffer than before. ‘She’s just being emotional’ Izana whispered to himself, still trying to be rational. ‘Just take it easy with her’

“Oh come on, should I care about her-"

"You should be begging her to forgive you for what you did to her that night!"

"You can't still be mad at me for that shit that happened two weeks ago. And besides, it's not my fault she couldn't take a joke” his words were smooth, buttery, flowing out of his lips like it was the truth, digging his own grave. “I didn’t know your friend was that sensitive-”

“Are you listening to the bullshit coming from your mouth?” Emma roared, her voice echoing throughout the entirety of the department, her face red with fury. Izana had never seen his own beloved sister ever look at him with such disgust in her eyes, her teeth gnashing against each other and hands at her side, clenching against each other. “Is that what you think a joke sounds like?”

“Calm the fuck dow-”

“No wonder you’re fucking single, you’re such a piece of shit to anyone that isn’t Shinichiro!” Emma screamed, interrupting Izana once again, her temper fiery enough to burn a hole on the ground she stood with how heated she was. “How does anyone even stand you for so long? You’re unbearable!”

“Excuse m-”

He doesn’t like where the conversation is going, with how furious Emma was right now. He tried to raise a comforting hand to Emma’s shoulder to ease her tension but she was quick to smack it away from her hard, stinging his fingers a little.

“You’re so unpleasant, how do you even have any friends? How do they tolerate you? To think (name) wanted me to forgive you! Thank god you aren’t my fucking brother, I can’t imagine being anything like you!”

The words left her mouth before she could stop herself.

It was as if the world froze over for Izana. He stood there, wide eyed, his heart beating loudly in his chest as all the voices around him faded into the background. His hand extended weakly at his side, mouth drying up as a lump formed in his throat. 

“I-I-i" she starts to stutter. It’s obvious that she can recognize what she had just said as he blankly stared at her. "I didn't mean i-”

He doesn’t let her finish, turning on his heel and walking away as fast as possible. People were quick to clear out of his way, not wanting to be his target of aggression. Emma followed behind, instantly, shouting his name at the top of her lungs followed with strings of apologies.

“Izana, wait please-” she screamed from the crowd of people, tears streaming from her yellow eyes. He continued to ignore her as he hopped on his bike, sliding in the key and revving up the engine before she could reach him.

Izana zoomed away, turning Emma’s cries into background noise, her words repeating in his head.

“I didn’t mean it! I’M SORRY-”

YOU don't know which was worse, the feeling of helplessness that came with the reality of your life crashing before your very eyes or the splitting headache you've developed after crying in your room for a week straight. Laying on your bed all day, huddled up in a blanket and sobbing uncontrollably was unhealthy, but it was all you found the strength to do these days. 

In all your years of being alive, you've never felt this pathetic. Not when you would be pushed outside in the pouring rain if you made a mistake in making dinner, or had been beaten with a belt in front of Yuzhua and Hakkai because you failed your catechism test. You could protect yourself from your brothers when they got violent. You could run and hide when your dad was really angry and wanted to take it out on you.

Unfortunately, no one told you what to do when your life is falling apart.

Ever since that day, you couldn't find the strength to go to class or do anything for that matter. It was like your entire energy was sucked out of you, leaving your body an empty husk with nothing left to give. 

You only have yourself to blame.

You drag the blankets closer to your body, sniffling a bit. The worst part of all of this is that after this month, if you don’t find a job that pays you quickly, you are going to be broke. It’s times like this that makes you regret leaving your family. You know it’s wishful thinking, but you wonder if you would be forgiven assuming you return home in tears and repentant of your sin of disobedience like the prodigal son in the bible. Life is too hard to live in the outside world without the help and guidance of a parent. You miss your old life, with your own bed and guaranteed food, as long as you did as you were told. You miss how sometimes your parents took you and your siblings to eat out after church.

You miss your mother. You want to go back to her. Life is hard, and dealing with being jobless with nowhere to turn to is harder. You could ask Emma, but she’s already taking care of you and there was no way you would bother your friend about your money problems.

"Hey babes, I got the medicine for you."

Emma's soft voice rouses you out of your self-pity session. The wood creaks underneath her heels as she walks to your bed and takes a seat besides you, the mattress dipping underneath her weight. The scent of her Vivienne Westwood wafting through your nostrils fills you with a sense of warmth, familiarity and at the same time, dread.

You feel guilty. Perhaps it's because you don't know how to tell Emma what exactly is wrong with you. It's easier to give her the half-truth that you caught a stomach bug than say everything. If you even as much as hinted that Manjiro had something to do with the real reason you were a sobbing mess on your bed, you're sure she would overreact and fight with her brothers again.

But still, not telling her meant you were keeping secrets from her. Something you both promised not to ever do as you two became best-friends.

‘It’s for her own good.’ you try to justify it. ‘It’s better I keep my mouth shut.’

Pushing that thought at the back of your mind, you roll over to her direction, pulling down your blanket just a little bit to see her properly. Your heart drops at the sadness etched onto Emma’s face, a forlorn look in her eyes. You hated seeing her down, yet all you’ve been doing for the past few months since you came into her life was causing her pain. You know how it feels to lose family, no matter how bad they were to you and Emma is no different.

“Hey”

Your voice is hoarse from your constant crying, but Emma doesn’t mention it as she reaches a hand to caress your face. “You look better than yesterday. You up to eat?”

You nodded briefly, realising how hungry you were. You’ve barely had an appetite to eat anything, so your rations had been smaller and compact until you regained it back bit by bit, thanks to Emma’s constant care. Pushing yourself up, you sit up and yawn, quickly covering your mouth the moment a bad stench emanates from it. Emma’s face quickly grows sour as well, probably smelling it too.

“You haven’t showered.”

“Uhhh-”

You knew there was no excuse for that one as Emma put the food and medicine away before yanking you off the bed while talking about how gross you were for not showering throughout today. “You’re a girl (name), don’t do this to yourself, c’mon-”

“But-” you start to whine, trying to defend yourself. “I was tired-”

“Nope!” she retorted, pushing you towards the bathroom. “No excuses! I swear you’re acting like Mikey when he’s in one of his moods-”

The room falls silent at her words, the cheerful aura dropping the second Emma realises what she’s said, a wave of guilt washing over her face as she lets go of your hands.

“Fuck- I’m sorry (name)...”

Your heart aches at how heartbroken she sounds right now and shatters even further at the fact that everything, every problem they were experiencing right now was all your fault. You saw it deep in Mikey’s eyes how much pain and suffering your presence in their family had caused, and how his anger reflected that action towards you. You’ve been so entrenched in your own problems that you forgot the mess you made in their family.

“Emma, you miss them don’t you?”

‘It’s not too late.’ You mutter to yourself, your heart in your throat as you steel your resolve. You couldn’t let her make that mistake you made by leaving your family aside. You don’t want Emma to be like you.

“(Name), please don’t-”

“You can’t keep ignoring them forever.” You cut her short, speaking directly to her now. “You can’t keep ignoring Draken either too. You’re miserable.”

“I’m fin-”

“Emma no.” You snap at her, finally having enough of her stubbornness as anger swells up in you. “I see how sad you look everytime you look at your pictures with your big brothers and Draken. Do you think that it’s healthy to keep ignoring them like this?”

“You were the one they hurt, you shouldn’t feel bad for them-”

“It doesn’t matter! I don’t matter!” You yell desperately, now pulling away from her grasp in an attempt to put your foot down. “They are the ones who matter a lot. Those are you family members! People who love you and have protected you for years! Just talk it out with them! They miss you for god’s sake!”

“What the hell do you mean you don’t matter?” Emma roars back at you, suddenly enraged by your outburst. You nearly stumble back at how angry she sounded, fear creeping into your skin as your verbal claws retract. “You matter to me! You mean the world to me as any of them do! You’re my best friend and I love you and if they don’t understand that then there is nothing to make up for!”

By the time she was done yelling, her breathing was heavy and her eyes so intense you couldn’t even stare at her. Your eyes quickly flickered to your feet instead; scared of seeing the disappointment on her face and terrified of her anger. You didn’t like it when Emma yelled, it reminded you of your mother getting angry at you, something you hated doing to her.

Eventually, she took a deep breath and took a step closer to you, her hand intertwined with yours. “Come on, I’ll help you shower.”

You silently follow behind her, eyes downcast and shoulders slumped.

  PERHAPS Izana should be angry at Emma.

It would be justified after the words she said from her mouth, but he can’t because he knows the truth. Emma was just angry as well and she didn’t mean any of the words she had said to hurt him. She said them because of you, however and he realises that every fight they’ve had is over your presence in her life.

Which meant that the true culprit was you.

People may believe in love at first sight, but from the first day Izana set his eyes on you, he could only feel hatred towards you. You were just there, sitting awkwardly while Emma tried to involve you in their conversation and it irked him.

At first, Izana thought it was the fact that the both of you were clashing personalities that made him feel that way, but then you keep getting in his way and ruining things for him. He hates everything about you - the way you picked your finger when you were nervous. Your bright smile you gave to only Emma and how easy it was for her to like you. Just your mere presence in general was enough to set him off because of how simple it was for you to be close to Emma while you barely knew her. It felt like he was losing his only sister to a stranger, and now the Emma who stands in front of him is a mere mockery of his real sister.

And that’s the frustrating part. He can’t do anything to hurt you. He’s smart enough to know that if he does, Emma would never forgive him.

“... Kurokawa, are you here with us?”

Izana snaps back to reality as Kisaki taps the table three times to get his attention. ‘I might have spaced out.’ He thinks to himself before facing the entirety of the table; Tetta Kisaki, the rather shrewd and ruthless dealer sitting, his equally irritating lap dog Shuji Hanma and the little shit that he called his younger brother, Mikey.

Speaking of Mikey, ever since that day he made that phone call and revealed his brand new plan of accepting you into their friend group, he’s been very quiet. Even throughout today’s meeting, he hasn’t said a word, aside from mentioning that Draken was going to be absent and asking where Kakucho was before the meeting began.

And knowing his brother, a quiet Mikey is a suspicious Mikey.

Now that Izana thinks about it, he’s noticed that Mikey, who was on his side initially had suddenly switched to trying to apologise to you. Which was weird, considering how egocentric Mikey could be on the topic of apologising. Izana has his suspicions, but then again Mikey is unpredictable due to his rather dark impulses, so he couldn’t really say anything yet, until Kakucho came back from his task.

Izana cleared his throat and faced Kisaki again, deciding to be as honest as possible. After all, it’s their fault that he’s in this mess, might as well remind them. “Just thinking about how Emma practically called me a bastard and I’m supposed to be okay with it.” He said nonchalantly and the air in the room shifted into an uncomfortable silence for the upteenth time this week ever since that unfortunate day. It isn’t surprising to anyone as to why though, Izana’s complicated relationship with the Sano’s is a sore topic that no one ever dared to bring up.

From Kisaki’s tight lipped expression, Izana is sure that the younger male is picking his words carefully in his head. Even Hanma who would have laughed or said something to intentionally piss off Izana remains silent. Eventually, Kisaki lets out a resigned sigh. “The audit would be done another time.” He states in a cool tone, putting his laptop aside before facing the two brothers. “It’s obvious we’re not gonna do anything useful until you resolve this issue with Emma and her friend.”

“Really?” The white haired male mocks, causing Kisaki to shift in his place, an irritated frown creasing his face. “would you like to hear my pla-”

“We’re not going to kill a civilian and draw attention to ourselves, Izana. I’ve already told you what to do.” Kisaki snapped back, his yellow eyes darting from Izana to Mikey, before narrowing in irritation. “Both of you. Just apologise to (name), it’s not that hard. You don’t even have to mean it, the girl won’t even know the difference-”

“Ah yes, cause that went well the last time.”

“And whose fault is that? I clearly told you to say “I’m sorry” and all you did was make things worse!”

“I’m just brutally honest.” Izana spits back. “And you can’t blame me because I tried, compared to Mikey who sits on his damn ass and has done nothing-”

“I wasn’t the one who called her a cheap hooker!” Mikey interjects defensively, sitting upright after staying quiet from the start of this meeting, finally saying something.

“Oh, so you can speak.” Izana retorts back, his voice cold. Mikey is so good at shifting blame onto others for actions he has a hand in, especially when he knows it would reflect badly on him. Unfortunately, Izana has been in this game longer than his little brother. “I thought you had gone mute with the way you don’t want to talk about the issue beyond pushing me to apologise to her.”

“You don’t make it any easier with how you talk to people.” Mikey hisses back, his tempo rising with each word, but Izana can hear the slight shake in his voice, almost as if he’s hiding something. “How am I supposed to do anything if you keep saying shit like you’re glad (name)’s gone?”

(Name)?

The entire room falls silent at Mikey’s sudden outburst, or rather what Mikey had just said. No one says a word as they all stare at Mikey in shock, eye wide and mouth hanging open like he’d grown two heads. There’s a glimmer of confusion in the dark eyed male before the realisation of his mistake washes over him, his facial expression changing into a mixture of guilt and pure terror.

As if he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t have.

It’s unmistaken. Izana knows his brother is hiding something and it has to do with you. “You’ve never,” he starts slowly, never taking his eyes off Mikey, gauging his facial expression. “called her by her name. You only call girls who you had something to do with by their name.”

“I-”

“You fucked her, didn’t you.” it’s a statement, not a question. Mikey grows pale and it's more of a sure answer than anything else at all.

“I didn’t do anything bad… she’s still a virgin-”

“What.” Kisaki, interjecting as well, cuts him off, his voice cold. “Did. You. Do?”

Mikey is silent. It’s brief and doesn’t last long as he finally seals his fate with a quiet voice. “It’s not my fucking fault, she wore a short skirt and she was asking for it-”

At the side, Kisaki crumples back onto the dining table seat, his head in his hands muttering a quiet “Oh fuck, I should have stayed with Osanai.” as he shakes in disbelief. Hanma just sits there, clearly perturbed, not knowing how to react but at the same time, not really interested.

“Glad to know I’m not the only screw up.” Izana scoffs as well. Despite how cheery his voice sounded, the furious look on his face says a different story altogether. “Since apparently you’re just as stupid as I am.”

Mikey runs a hand through his golden locs, frustration evident on his features. No one has ever seen him look so frantic, like a little kid who broke something and is trying to hide it. “I didn’t do anything wrong. Sure she said no at first but I knew she wanted it when she relaxed in my touch-”

“That’s not what Emma’s gonna think, you idiot!” Izana barks at him angrily, his temper finally off the rails. “You practically threw away your entire plan before it even started! All for what? Mediocre pussy you could get from some other girl? And you know how Shin is about this shit. If Emma finds out and tells him, we’re screwed!”

There’s a mixture of emotions swirling in Izana right now. The urge to punch Mikey was strong, for daring to not only lie to his face, but also making him look like a fool to cover his ass.

Then again, he knows it’s really not Mikey’s fault but yours. You must have done something to make Mikey hurt you because he knows his little brother doesn’t hurt girls. You have this effect of turning people into worse versions of themselves, making them disgusting, evil and hateful.

You turned Emma against them and now you made Mikey’s dark impulses come out.

It’s you that’s the problem.

“So what anyone find out? They won’t believe her” Mikey snarls back, irritated. “She can’t blame me, I told her to fucking leave but she didn’t listen! She was practically begging me to fuck her-”

“ENOUGH!”

Kisaki’s voice is loud enough to silence the two brothers, ending their argument instantly as they breathe heavily from their prior screaming match. Izana slumps back on his seat as Kisaki sits up straight, eyes narrowed. Mikey does the same as Izana, his jaw tightly clenched as he crosses his arms on his chest, feet crossed. The younger male clears his throat, and starts to rationalise the situation.

“It’s obvious that we’re going to switch gears since this happened. We all have a curated reputation that we need to protect so that people don’t nose into our business.” He turns to Mikey who is still glaring hard at Izana. “Your brother has a point, you fucked up our plan by not telling anyone what you did-”

“You judging me too, Kisaki?”

“Can you stop being defensive for once Mikey and just listen!” Kisaki scolds, just about done with everyone making things more difficult for him. “I don’t care what you did to her, whatever affection or lust you have for her is a you problem. I just want this situation to be in our favour.”

The statement makes Izana scoff in dismal fashion, but he decides to ask out of curiosity regardless. “And how do you intend to turn this situation around? Cause right now she has leverage over us and any careless move can put us in a tougher spot than we can handle.”

Kisaki turns his attention fully towards Izana again, a knowing look on his face as he asks. “Is Kakucho done searching Mikey’s car?”

‘How did he know?’ Izana blinks, but then catches Hanma smirking and doesn’t bother to ask his impending questions. Kisaki always had a nasty and suspicious habit of continuously tailing him specifically, and usually it doesn’t go over Izana’s radar when it happens, apart from this instance. Which meant someone was being a rat in his group.

He’ll deal with that later.

Mikey raised a brow in confusion as well, opening his mouth to protest the invasion of his privacy when Izana’s phone suddenly rings. He picks it up, attempting to step out to answer it when Kisaki raises his hand to stop him.

“Answer it here.” Kisaki said, ignoring the way Izana looks at him like he has two heads. “and put it on speaker.”

He had no reason to comply, but he wanted to see where Kisaki was going with whatever plan he had. With a wry smile, Izana put the phone down on the table and slid the answer button, putting it on a loudspeaker.

“Did you find anything Kakucho?”

Ever loyal, Kakucho clears his throat and starts to speak, his voice sounding strained over the phone, as if he’s struggling with something. “Yes boss.” He answers, a twinge of nervousness coating his tone. “There’s a dash cam on the mirror and a spy cam underneath the compartment facing the passenger’s seat…”

Mikey grumbles under his breath something about fucking Kakucho up if anything ends up spoilt or missing in his car but Kisaki holds his hand up to his lips and shushes him. Izana continues once he’s sure his brother is done complaining. “And did you confirm the anonymous tip that we got?”

He can hear Kakucho shift uncomfortably, the silence on the other side of the phone drawn out until he finally says. “Boss, it’s too … I don’t think we should use this against her.” He tries to reason. “I think we’re going too far-”

“Perfect.” Kisaki chimes in, now looking at Izana with a satisfied smile. Kakucho is about to ask why Kisaki was there but Izana cuts him off instead. “Bring it back. I’ll explain once you come to the house.”

“Okay boss.”

The phone line dies and Kisaki, fairly confident in his plan, looks at Izana once again. “I’m sure you know where I’m going, right?”

Izana may think Kisaki is a pathetic brat who just happened to be smart, but right now, it’s like the both of them are connected and in tune with their thoughts. The tanned male stretches his lips into a smile, one full of malice and at the same time, glee, his eyes light with mirth when he realises what Kisaki was thinking.

Finally a plan he could follow along with.

“Alright, I’m all ears.”

THE walk back to your dorm was quiet.

By the time you managed to catch a bus after spending the entire day looking for a job and getting back to campus, it was already late in the night. Save for only the street lamps that were beginning to dim, everywhere else was darker than usual.

You had read that there was going to be a lunar eclipse tonight between the hours of 10pm - 00am. The time boldly written on the bus’ digital clock before you got down was 10:45pm, so you already assumed it was the cause of the unnatural darkness tonight.

A long time ago before the world weighed you down, things like this would have made you excited. You loved watching the stars when you were young, trying to check on the papers your father bought to see if there was any space news available. You remember borrowing your immediate elder brother’s binoculars as a makeshift telescope, trying to piece out the stars in the sky or see if you would catch a glimpse of the comet that was said to pass through that week.

Unfortunately, you were young and foolish. Wanting to impress your father, you told him all about your book of constellations that you drew up, detailing the first star that appeared every evening, down to your crazy childish theories about aliens and space.

“Can you show me the book?” your father asked calmly. You should have known it was dangerous for your father to be this calm, but you were too blinded by excitement to think and you gave him the book, a bright smile on your face.

Your smile fell as his large hands ripped your book into shreds, before telling you: “Women don’t dream.”

Maybe that was the day you realised the love you craved from your father will never be given to you. You were so young and impressionable, all you wanted was for him to be proud of you, like he was with his sons. Now, you can’t even look at the stars, the memory leaves a bitter taste in your mouth and you try to shake it off as you continue on the path.

You wondered what grievous sin you’ve committed to be so down on your luck like this. Today had been one disappointment to another

You passed by Emma’s dorm building, a sigh escaping your lips. She told you that Draken wanted to take her out for dinner tonight, which shocked you because friends with benefits - according to what Emma herself told you- don’t go on dates or do lovey dovey stuff with each other, to avoid complicated feelings from budding.

Then again, their relationship is based on the fact that they both have feelings for each other, but Draken was not interested in a relationship.

It was already complicated before it began but at least she's taking your advice and talking to them again.

Your eyes darted up to her window, hoping her lights were on. Whenever she was alone, Emma hated sleeping in the dark. She said it reminded her of the times her mother would lock her and Izana in a dark room whenever she brought her customers in. Anytime she was in a darkened room, she told you she could still hear the sound of her mother moaning and a man grunting. Izana would try his best to distract her, playing games or even stealing an earphone and plugging it to his own so that she would listen to music instead of what was going on.

A frown graced your lips when you saw two bodies from the curtain, one tall figure you recognize as Draken and Emma’s smaller dainty figure perched on him, kissing. You quickly averted your eyes and walked faster, ignoring the unfamiliar pang in your chest. Maybe you’re jealous because you needed your friend’s comfort right now and she wasn’t available. You felt greedy for this, after spending a week with her, you should let her be free.

‘She has her own life to live. And I have mine’ you muttered to yourself as you trudged along the path, slowly dragging your feet. ‘I have to stop being so dependent on her.’

Eventually, your thoughts drift back to your reoccurring dream. Losing your job made you realise that if you didn’t do anything about it, your tiredness would eventually catch up to you and ruin everything else you’ve worked for. With an important test scheduled for tomorrow, you knew you could not afford to take another loss this week. You had to power through your sleep tonight, even if it traumatised you.

‘Maybe I should pretend that I like it. Pretend it’s okay and enjoy it so that I won’t have to wake up.’ You shook your head, cursing as you drew closer to your own dorm building. ‘Oh God, how far I’ve fallen. Look at me trying to enjoy a disgraceful act-’

You paused in your tracks at the sound of a leaf crushing. You quickly turned around, trying to ascertain who could be lurking there behind the bushes. Your palms started sweating, your nerves firing at the thought of being watched.

Silence.

You decided to continue walking, assuming that maybe you were hearing things and there wasn’t anything at all. Nighttime always had a way of making you nervous, especially with all the horrible stories you heard about innocent women being attacked around these times. Besides, looking around for whatever may be lurking was a dumb idea.

You should just get out of here.

Eventually, you make it to your dorm house in record time, a sigh of relief escaping your lips. ‘Maybe I’m being paranoid. But at least I’m safe now.’ You think to yourself as you push the door open, closing it behind you.

Weary from the day’s stress, your body starts to give up on you but you push through, trying your best to just make it to your room. You’re sure you would just collapse on your bed the second you got there and forget about anything else.

You finally make it to your room, about to rummage your bag for the keys when you notice the door was unlocked. ‘Oh? Ami must have come back rather early, since I barely saw her until 2am?’

But as you reach for the handle, a feeling of dread washes over you, the same one you felt when you were outside. ‘I really need to let this go. There’s no harm waiting for me. It’s just my room.’ You mutter to yourself. Your overthinking has cost you a lot, from your job to your academics and right now, you really need it to stop. Pushing whatever feeling was keeping you away, you walked into the darkened room.

The first thing that greeted you was the stench of some kind of smoke -weed, the kind that Ami liked to use whenever she was in the room. You always hated the smell and you recall telling her to leave the windows open whenever she wanted to smoke. Coughing, you quickly covered your nose and mouth with one hand and reached to turn on the light with another. “Ami, how many times have I told you to open the window whenever you smoke? You know I don’t like the smell-”

Your blood turns to ice the moment light floods the room, your mouth dry as you stare at the man perched on your reading chair, a leg crossed over the other, the weed blunt hanging between his tanned hands. His lips are stretched into a sick grin, showing all his teeth, purple eyes shining with an odd mirth as he glances at you up and down.

Izana Kurokawa.

‘Run’

You don’t need to be told twice, quickly discarding your bag and running towards the direction of the door, only to hit someone hard, standing tall in your way. You look up fearfully to see mismatched eyes, a scar running down his face and flinch backwards in reflex. It’s as if he gazes at you with pity, but quickly switches to a blank stare as he stands between you and the door.

You know him from hanging around Emma a lot in the Tenjiku frat house, Kakucho. He’s always around Izana and only loyal to him for some reason that you don’t know. He doesn’t listen to anyone else, not even Mikey. You realise that he might have been the one that was following you when you were walking home.

Begging him to let you pass would be futile.

“Don’t worry, I’m just here to have a little chat with you. I’m not going to hurt you.” His tone is calm, but it doesn’t bring you any comfort. If Mikey could hurt you without any remorse, then there’s nothing stopping Izana from doing worse to you. “And as much as your backside is as interesting as your face, I prefer talking to someone who is looking at me.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.” The words fly out from your mouth before you even think of a more appropriate response but it doesn’t seem to give him any form of reaction other than a dry laugh.

“Ungrateful bitch. I could have sent my boys to do this for me instead, but I decided to talk to you.” He scoffed. “I don’t care. Turn around.”

Reluctantly you slowly turn to face him again, your body trembling as your fear filled eyes lock with his. Your heart drops to your stomach when you hear heavy footsteps walk out of the door, shutting it behind you, locks turning and trapping you with Izana.

‘Oh God oh God oh God.’

Your fear doesn’t go unnoticed by the white haired man, and he only chuckles at how stiff you were. Between the two brothers, you know Izana thrives in fear, using it to his advantage and it’s not unfounded. Notwithstanding his backing from Black dragons, Izana had taken Tenjiku from a down and out frat house, to a den of crime that holds power, trickling right into the administration of the university. Even his men know better than to ever get themselves in his bad books, because no one can ever escape him, no matter how much you try to run.

It was only a matter of time until he would make you pay for causing him problems, but you didn’t think he’d come by himself. You felt stupid for thinking he wouldn’t care about you or he’d forget how angry he was at you and leave you alone, especially with Emma still not on speaking terms with them.

He motions with his bunt for you to come closer to him and you comply, taking careful steps until you’re standing right in front of him. He eyes you again with a tepid frown. “When you meet a king, you don’t stand before him, you kneel.”

Kneel. You want to assume he’s not serious but you know better than to question him and go down on your knees, focusing your gaze firmly on your lap. It’s humiliating the way he has you at his mercy, without even moving an inch but it’s better to be compliant than to aggravate him even further by being disobedient.

You’ve learned the hard way what could happen if you resist.

From the corner of your eyes, you watch as Izana puts out his weed blunt on your reading table, before reaching behind his waistband. Your mouth grows dry the second you catch the sight of a gun, your heart pounding against your chest as he presses the barrel to your head.

‘Oh god.’ You gasp as he presses it further against your head, until you’re sure it would leave an indent. ‘He’s going to kill me. He’s going to kill me…’

“That’s odd,” He murmurs. “Usually, other people would be begging for their lives when met with a gun to their head, but you’re quiet. If not for the way your hands are trembling, I’d think you weren’t scared.”

This time, with a gun pointed at your head, you’re careful with your words. “Y-you said you won’t hurt me.” Your voice shakes with fear but you continue. You know men like Izana, he reminds you of your older brother who ruled the house outside your family with fear and control. Sometimes, when you were able to stroke his ego, he’d go easy on you. Maybe that would work on Izana too. “That you want to talk.”

“And what if I changed my mind? Pulled the trigger? That’ll make my life easier, yeah? I won’t have to fight for my sister’s love and affection with you.” 

Your breath hitches in your throat when you hear the safety go off and watch as his finger curls around the trigger. ‘Oh God, he’s going to kill me. He’ll shoot me dead.’ Tears pricking your eyes. ‘I-i have to say something- I don’t want to die-’

“I-i trust you not to do it.” You reply, your lips trembling as you struggle not to think of your head scattered into pieces on the floor if he chooses to kill you. “You’re a man of your words.”

There’s another complete silence that engulfs the entire room, until you hear a click that makes you flinch for a split second, waiting for the bullet that would end it all. Instead, it’s him putting the safety back on, and chuckling at your reaction.

“You trust me? How foolish.” He laughs, tracing the gun from your head down to underneath your chin and forcing you to look up at him. You’ve only read about people with empty eyes in stories, but seeing it in person was so terrifying. “Is that why you ended up with Mikey in his car?”

All the blood rushes from your head to the tip of your toes. “H-how do you kn-”

“I have eyes and ears in this school, (name).” You’re sure it’s the first time you’ve heard him call you by your name and despite being in a life or death situation, you couldn’t control the shiver that ran through your spine. “Not to mention, I have the video evidence of you moaning like a slut just from being fingered-”

“T-that is not what happened!” You suddenly cried out, trying to explain your own side of the story. Of all the people who know your dirty and shameful secret, Izana is the worst person, with how much he hates you. “It was a mistake! I tried to tell him I didn’t want it but I couldn’t-”

“Ah ah -” Izana cuts you off, tilting your chin higher with the gun. “Don’t lie to me. That skirt you wore was too short. You were practically sending him an invitation to fuck you.”

“No! I wasn’t trying to do anything, I just wanted to talk-”

“Really? Cause I watched the full video, you were practically pushing your thighs together, trying to get his attention-”

“No, no I- didn’t… I pushed him off the first time-”

“You were dangling your thighs like a piece of meat for him to fuck and then acted like you didn’t want it until he was knuckles deep inside you. The way you were moaning didn’t sound like a girl being assaulted. You sounded like you wanted it.”

“That’s not true-” your lips start to tremble at his words, tears forming at the corner of your eyes. You didn’t want to be assaulted, you just wanted to talk to him about the Emma issue and you wanted to apologise. “That’s not true-”

“Oh but it is.” He said firmly, now leaning in closer to your face until there’s barely any inches between the two of you. “If you truly wanted to talk you would have been more modest. We warned you that outfits like those are an invitation, but you decided we insulted you and turned our sister against us.”

“No-” your voice is small, trying to defend yourself but even you are beginning to doubt your own credibility with how he keeps twisting the narrative around until you begin to actually believe him.

‘No! Don’t let him make you think you’re in the wrong! You know what happened!’

“He even told you to leave but you refused to. Like you were baiting him to just do something bad to you so that you can tell everyone how bad Mikey is and make yourself get more sympathy points. 'Oh look, the Sano brothers struck again!' That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”

“That’s not true! I would never do that to Mikey!” You don’t realise your tempo had suddenly gotten high or that tears had started to drip down your face, but Izana did. He doesn’t point it out, staying quiet as you start to shout at him. “I didn’t tell anyone because it would cause problems and I would never bait him into hurting me. I just wanted to make up with him because I felt that I overreacted at the party I swear! And then he assaulted me in the car -”

“But if he “assaulted” you, why didn’t you tell anyone? If that’s what truly-”

“Because I love him!”

Oh no. The words flew out of your mouth before you could even stop yourself from saying them. But before you could correct yourself, Izana hammers another nail into the coffin with his next words.

“The same way your big brother loved you, right?”

You feel weak. You’ve never told anyone that before, not even Emma. It’s a part of you that you chose to keep buried at the bottom of your heart, pretending it never existed.

“Please, Izana, pleas-”

“Did I ever tell you that I know you?” He suddenly snapped, his voice menacing. “I’ve known you from the second you stepped foot in this school. I know your sob story -the one you tell everyone, how your parents’ kicked you out for not marrying an older man. How you were homeless, living in shelters as you worked up money to go to college until you made something for yourself-”

He paused, now leaning further into your face until you smell the marijuana on his breath, his dark eyes peering at you. “But no one knows the true story. That your parents didn’t kick you out, you left.” You start to shake as he tells you the story of how your semi-peaceful life went downhill.

“Izana please stop-”

“It was your eighteenth birthday and you never quite got along with your brothers, especially the oldest one, Michael was it? Seems like you have a thing for Michael’s or rather the other way around.”

“Stop it, please-”

“So Michael and your other brothers told you that if you wanted them to like you that you’d let their college friends talk to you. You went along with it, hung around your brothers and their friends and everything was fine, until you felt tired after drinking some juice that Michael gave you-”

You hate this. You don’t even know how he found out about this part of your life, or how long he’s been holding it until he could use it but you need the story to end now, you don’t want to relieve your trauma. “You’ve made your point. I lied about running away because I was scared. Please, please-”

“Shhh,” He pushes the gun to your lips until your pleas are muffled noises. “don’t you know it’s rude to interrupt someone while they’re telling a story? As I was saying, Michael offered to carry you to your room, because you felt so tired, you couldn’t move. And oh, you poor, dumb fool. You had no idea what was going to happen that night to you as your big bro took you to his room-”

You suddenly burst into tears and without thinking, shoved the gun out from your mouth to beg him. “Stop it! Stop! I get it! I won’t tell anyone what happened between me and Mikey. Please don’t finish that story!”

Izana stops and you sigh, still not out of the woods yet, but at least you’re sure he won’t say anything else-

A scream rips from your throat as you feel his veiny palms drag you by your hair violently, to the bed. You feel like a ragdoll as he throws you onto the bee, before climbing on top of you right after. “Izana stop! STOP I-”

Your voice catches in your throat the second he switches off the safety of the gun and points it towards your window, pressing the trigger twice. You scream as the bullets pierce through the window, shattering the glass completely, and clamp a hand over your mouth when he points the gun back at you, his eyes narrowed in anger.

“Please, please, please-”

“You don’t want to hear the truth, fine. I’ll show you what your brother did to you instead, but if you as much as piss me off one more fucking time, I’ll shoot you.”

You freeze in place as he starts to lift up your long skirt with one hand until he exposes your panties. You hear him fumble with his belt buckle, having kept the gun out of your reach behind him and he pulls his black jeans enough to only expose his half-mast clothed dick.

He was getting off on imagining you being assaulted. You feel sick.

You blank out as your legs are spread apart, by his two hands, and he pushes his entire weight on you, until his crotch is pressed into yours. Shame fills you as he starts to grind against your clothed pussy, the stimulation having an undesired effect on your clit and you turn your head just not to look at him.

With each roll of his hips, you feel his thick length rub against your poor nub, wetness leaking through your panties and staining his boxers. Izana smirks at your distress, growing fully hard at how wet you’ve become from just him humping you. He leans down to your ear, hot breath hitting your neck and starts to taunt you “It’s a shame your father caught him before he could continue. He could have seen how slutty his sister was.”

You try to keep your mouth shut, tears rolling down your cheeks as he gets himself off but he wants to hear you and raises your hips higher until you're flush against his aching cock. He bucks his hips into yours at a faster pace now, targeting your clit with each thrust, coupled with his warm breath ticking your skin. The wetness has made the cotton of your panties thin, making you feel his movements until you can't stop your moans mixed with tears from spilling out of your lips.

“Iza-na please s-stop-”

He only chuckles in response to your misery. There’s just something so satisfying to him about seeing you, the girl who made Emma call him a fucking bastard beg him for mercy. Unfortunately for you, it isn’t enough for him to make you relive your trauma, no, he wants to make you really, really hurt.

“You wouldn’t have been begging me to stop if you had just let me finish my story.” He whispers against your skin, rocking his hips slower now, in circular motions. “Or maybe you hate hearing the truth about being the problem. You should have been less prettier, less provocative-”

Your skin crawls at his words and you want to protest but you lack the ability to keep yourself and your thoughts composed as he is doing right now. “It’s your fault this kind of thing keeps happening to you. You keep making men the worst versions of themselves. Your brother, for example, was a good Christian boy until you hit puberty and all of a sudden, he couldn’t keep his hands off his dick when you’re around. Mikey had never, ever forced a girl to do something with him, he didn’t need to.”

You feel ill. You didn’t mean for the incident with your brother to happen, you had no idea he felt that way, with how he violently beat you whenever you did something wrong. You didn’t know Mikey looked at you that way either, you thought he hated you. How were you meant to know anything?

Yet, it’s still your fault. Just you, only you.

“You’re not protesting it.” He articulates with timed thrusts. Your thighs are trembling underneath his grip, meaning you’re close, but your mind is not here, it's soaking up, his every confession of how he feels. “So you know what you do to everyone. Even your father, who was a good man, always got angry with you. But despite your faults, and despite what you did to your brother he wanted to keep you and offered for you to help your brother by marrying that old man and you know what you did? You ran.”

‘I ran. I ran away like a coward.’

Your mind is numb, your body feels overwhelmed, electricity running up your body as Izana guides your hips up and down his clothed shaft, tethering you to the edge, relishing every last whimper and moan you let out. “You ran away from a family that you were given for free, I would kill to have lived with my family, no matter how shit they were. Last I heard, your brother brings girls that look like you home. Because you didn’t stay in your lane to fix your family. What do you have to say for yourself?”

“So-rry.” It comes out of your mouth before you realise it. Maybe you should be sorry for the things you have done. For making them do all those horrific things to you. “I’m sorry” you sob, choking on your words as you repeat it over and over again. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry-”

You’re still babbling when you finally twitch in his hands, cumming all over his boxers with a quiet yelp until you can’t anymore. You’re still out of it when he pulls out his dick from his confines briefly, jerking it off and to cum all over your panties and thighs not too long after.

When you come to it eventually, he dresses properly and leaves you with his twisted handiwork. The feeling of humiliation and dirtiness hangs over your head. You feel so much shame and humiliation, like there’s dirt underneath your skin that no amount of washing would make you clean. All those things Izana said to you, the memory of your own brother assaulting you and having to relive it again feels too heavy to bear, to live with.

You’re not sure you want to live in a world where Izana has all this information about you.

Something drops on your lap and you see it’s the gun that he had threatened you with earlier. “A quick bullet to the head can do the trick. You’re guaranteed to die. If you’re dead, no one will ever know what we discussed here.” He says nonchalantly, walking past you and knocks thrice on the door before turning around to face you again. “Or if you hate me so much now, you can shoot me right here” he points at the heart. “And your secrets die with me. Not even your precious Mikey knows this.”

You realise it’s one of his sick mind games, the kind an unfair god plays for his own amusement, but at this point, you don’t care. You just want an out of this world, of being blamed for things you can’t control. Everything is your fault and if you die, maybe things will go back to normal.

And you’ll never have to face Izana again.

The door opens as you begin to pick up the gun, and Kakucho attempts to run towards you, possibly to protect Izana, only for the white haired man to shove him backwards. The two men watch, one with pure horror and one with pure amusement as you slowly press the barrel of the gun to your temple, tears rolling down your eyes.

“WAIT DON’T-”

You press the trigger before he could finish his sentence.

Bonus:

“You should have seen her face when she realised there was no bullet in the gun. Kept begging me to give her one so that she could die.”

The laughter between Izana and the rest of Tenjiku sounded like roaring in Kakucho’s ears. He and Mochizuki were the only ones who didn’t find what Izana did to you funny. He hated when Izana did things like this to innocent people like you. It was agonising to hear you cry and beg him every step of the way, even to the point of apologising for things that aren’t even your fault.

Kakucho had raised some concerns about leaving you alone in the room, as you could hurt yourself, which would be detrimental to them as they still need you alive to further manipulate things to their favour. Eventually, they decided to take you back to Tenjiku’s house and lock you in Izana’s bedroom.

Still not ideal, but it’s protected.

“Bet she cries pretty, yeah?” Ran asks, after the laughter died down. “She looks like someone who cries a lot, boss.”

“Her crying face is the prettiest I’ve ever seen, but her cumming face is better. I’ve got pictures to prove it-”

“I can’t deal with this shit anymore. I’m off to bed” Mochizuki groans, pushing himself up to leave. Kakucho couldn’t blame him, the atmosphere was toxic, laughing at your suffering for no reason. The last time he left you, you were hugging your knees to your chest, crying. He feels like a piece of shit for stalking you and then trapping you in the room with Izana of all people.

But he did it anyway, so he can’t act like he’s a saint.  He was an accomplice.

“Can you check on (name) before you go to your room?” Kakucho all but pleads. He isn’t sure he could face you after what he did to you. Mochi nods and walks away.

He thinks about the first time he met you. He could only watch from afar, admiring the way you smiled, how quiet you were compared to everyone else. You were in your own world. Izana never liked you, all Kakucho knows is that Izana hates you for throwing away the thing he valued the most, your family. But you never knew that and it hurt him to see you be punished for a crime you do not know of.

It didn’t help that you were pretty, so while you were Izana’s “type” quiet, obedient, something he could break, Izana also struggled with his hatred for you. Perhaps if you were never friend’s with Emma, he would have avoided you -

“FUCK, STOP, DON’T JUMP!”

Mochizuki’s scream cut through the entire house, interrupting the discussion. The executives instantly stood up and ran in the direction of Izana’s room, where the noise came from only to be greeted by a rather gruesome sight.

You used Izana’s Egyptian silk bed sheets to hang yourself.

Mochizuki had already rushed to your unconscious body, holding you up so that you don’t cut off your air flow and Kakucho found himself untying it from the ceiling fan as quickly as possible and the makeshift noose from your neck too.

Everything felt like a fever dream, a bad one he couldn’t wake up from as Rindou started CPR on you, with Kisaki on the phone, yelling for an ambulance while Izana counted for Rindou.

“She’s breathing again, it wasn’t too long she was suspended. She’ll live... right?”

A terrible nightmare.

special thanks to: (please turn on your mentions in 'settings' before filling the form.): @officiallyjaehyuns @haikyuusboringassmanager @ilybbg @merrymerrykiss @cockonoi @Rindou24689 @short-cxke @kokoch4n3l @GenAwi @ryuguji-sana @nuyoo @reiners-milkbiddies @kiwixpi @gh0stgirl333 @brisssaaa009 @fushiqruo @kawaiikoalagarden @damidamimongalam @raven-nevra @ilovetwodmen @kodzubaby @straightfromheaven @manchie55 @pikibee @tomeyano @matchamilktea-05 @tenjikusstuff4 @m0onz1 @hapikiou @rainnyzz @Lovelyartistz @lik0 @maraya-007 @thisismarisaaa @reeyy0-2 @littlemisspropaganda @cherie026

[gomzdrawfr]

‧₊˚✧Welcome˚₊‧⁺˖ ‎

A lil bit about myself:

Im Gomz (used to go by Gummmy), I have a panda persona

she/her

Im from Malaysia (apa khabar yall) I can speak Mandarin, Malay and English

╭──────────.★..─╮ My socials ╰─..★.──────────╯

My carrd

What I do in different social media (besides sharing doodles):

Tumblr (you're here!) -> almost everything, this is like my central hub for everything COD with a mix of other fandoms that I am interested in, and also my OC things, certified gomz the yapper reside in this place

Twitter -> lesser OC stuff, polls and ask request occasionally, I would say this place primarily only have my COD doodles(yk, without the mix of other fandoms) also a lot of my moots are there where I retweet their amazing fics and arts so come visit if you'd like (at your own risk though cuz codtwt is...reputable)

Instagram -> I post wips and silly meme in my stories, drawing process in reels and sometimes my irl stuff! (mostly me whining about Uni if you're interested)

Kofi

Consider checking out my:

Kofi membership (5USD or 10USD/month)

Shop (free wallpapers)

Commissions (status: OPEN)

╭──────────.★..─╮ Navigation ╰─..★.──────────╯

#gummmyart has all the doodle I drew

#gummmyspeaks has all the rambles I ever talk about

ask response, thanks for the ask <3 is when I answer my inboxes

I am also on AO3 where I post my OC fics

#prompt redraw has redraws of incorrect cod quotes

╭──────────.★..─╮ Content ╰─..★.──────────╯

predominantly call of duty fanarts + my cod oc (soon I want to branch out to the LOTR/The Hobbit fandom)

My masterlist of my contents (these are only a fraction of what I draw)

I reblog a lot, because it helps to boost other people's work and more people should see what others have created!

╭──────────.★..─╮ OC ╰─..★.──────────╯

Main OC that I will yap about is my cod oc Raven

I do oc x cannon content

everything about my oc is tagged with [oc]Raven or Raven[oc]

Her masterlist [half updated as of July 2024]

Her character sheet [outdated]

Her color palette

Raven fanbox (collection of fanart of my oc from my friends and followers)

╭──────────.★..─╮ Q&A ╰─..★.──────────╯

1. I like your doodles, can I set it as my profile picture/header/banner?

yes you can! just make sure you credit me ♡

2. Can I draw your oc?

yES BY ALL MEANS!! if you do just tag me and I'll be happy to come see ♡♡♡

3. Can I expand your doodles? (ex: continue the story, make a fic, make another drawing etc)

yes, yes you can, again just tag me when you do! im always excited to see what other takes other people have

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Enjoy your stay <3

[wishtale-blogs]

📣Wish Announcements📣

Ello!! So, since I don’t have an introduction/master post, I will have an announcement post instead!! It’ll work just like an introduction post but with more! It’ll be separated into three sections: events, Q&A, and tags!

Events:

Events works pretty simply, if I’m doing an event or challenge of some sort it’ll be put here so y’all can see what’s happening!

I’m currently hosting a DTIYS!!

Q&A:

Q&A also works pretty simply, if I notice a question is being asked a lot, no shame at all for asking, it’s just being put here so others will know before they ask and I don’t have to repeat myself 10 times lol. (not including in ask games lol)

(Also, while I don’t have any real questions rn as I’m writing this, I will answer some basic questions so y’all can get to know me!)

1). What do you do?

I make art a lot and hope to work on animations soon!

2). Do you take art requests?

Yes!! Unless I make an announcement otherwise, my art requests are always open!! If you have a request send an ask to my side blog @wishtale-art-requests Tho it might take a little bit to finish, especially if there is an event going on, it will be finished as soon as possible!!

3). Are you open to asks?

Yes!! Asks will be answered as soon as I’m available to answer them!!!

4). What characters have you made?

I’m the creator of Wishtale that I currently only have an old ref sheet of Wish! sans (which I haven’t Wishtale worked on in a long while), and Monarch! Sans in the utmv community! And I also have my persona that ironically is also named Wish until I figure out a better name lol!

5). What fandom/s are you a part of?

I’m a part of a lot of different fandoms, but the one I post the most about is utmv, although I do occasionally talk about fnaf, Jujitsu Kaisen, Demon Slayer, and vocaloids!

6). Do you have any other blogs I should be aware about?

Yes!! I have a second blog @wishtale-art!! This is where I post my final drawings, tho wips and other things I don’t want on my art blog will be posted on this blog! I also have a art request blog @wishtale-art-requests

7). What is your sexuality and gender?

I’m a aromatic lesbian who is also agender!!

8). What pronouns do you go by?

I go by any pronouns!! And star/stars/starself neopronouns! (neos are completely optional tho!)

9). When is your birthday?

My birthday is on December 14th!!:3

10). Is there any triggers I should be aware of?

Not really, but smoking and vaping make me uncomfortable (not in drawings, but like when people smoke/vape and encourage it is when I get uncomfortable) and really suggestive things (mostly just when talking to people, it makes me very anxious)

Tags:

Tags are where I’m going to put tags I use often and explain what they are used for!!

#📣wish announcements!📣- used for this post any updates on this post

#wish zoomies- for any post I reblog

#wish rambles- for posts I post that I talk about stuff!

#wish answers- for any asks I answer

#wish’s art- for any reblogs from @wishtale-art or any of my wips or drawings I post on this blog

#wish does polls!!- for any polls I do

#wish is real???- for any posts that have to do with me irl (I keep forgetting I have this tag lol)

#important stuff👆- for any reblog/post that has an important topic!

(I also have a secret vent blog)

Please know that everything on this post is bound to change and be updated with time but I’ll do my best to let y’all know whenever any major changes happen!

Also, I made this as a very late thank you for 326 followers!!! I’m extremely grateful for each and every one of y’all that’s following me!!!<333

[thsc-scattered-stars]

RULES

Heya! You can call me Saisk or Star! So, just a beforehand- I have never run an ask blog before, so here's to hoping this goes well... but!

This is an Au where post Valiant Hero, something shifts and goes wrong- what, you may ask? Well, that's just what you're going to find out as you follow a certain pilot that's been displaced. Though I will say this is not a crossover of any kind, Charles has been displaced in a different way.

Another little note, you can find my main blog here! I don't really use it much, except for reblogs- I honestly should probably clean it up a bit, but- I'll get to that eventually-

Currently Open for Asks: VH Charles, VH Henry, SSaT Henry, SSaT Ellie, SSaT Chester

Timeline for VH: SE(Sneaky Escapist)-UB(Unseen Burglar)-GSPI(Government Supported Private Investigator)-PD(Presumed Dead)

Timeline for SSaT: BBO(Badass Bust Out)-JPE(Just Plain Epic)-PBT(Pure Blooded Thief)-CA(Convict Allies)

Now, before we get to the actual rules... some notes!

This is an AU, and while I will be trying to keep the characters as canon as possible, some things will not be exactly as what you think of the characters! The Henry Stickmin fandom, from what I have seen, tends to be really chill with this- but I still thought I'd say!

I... do not have a schedule. I'll post as much as I can, if I'm not posting, I'm likely busy! I do have a life outside of drawing and writing, sadly.

If you click on characters, you'll get a bio :) And maybe other things, I haven't decided yet. I'll update this if I do something more besides bio's

I don't mind like or reblog spam! I know some blogs do, but I don't :3

If you want to send an ask towards me instead of Charles(or other characters if/when they become open), feel free! I might not give an answer to some questions if the answer would be a spoiler, but still!

My submission box is also now open! I didn't really expect any fanart of any kind, but thank you so much to those that have either expressed the want to do so, or have done so! It means so much to me that people are liking this so much that they want to!

RULES

1. No M!A's. Sorry, I know they can be fun, but that's not something this blog will be doing.

2. Don't use anonymous to be unkind or anything like that, please. If it does happen, and it happens a lot, I will be turning it off. I don't expect that to happen, but still.

3. Don't repost my work! It's not kind, as I put work into this. Reblogs are very much okay though :3

Extra Notes

I will have tags for things! As things change, or tags get added, I will add more things here

Comic: #scattered stars comic

Pages with in-character asks: #asks

Out of character asks(Or asks directed at me!): #ooc asks

Bios: #bios

Extra stuff like art: #extra stuff

Art that is still thsc related but not related to the SSaT au: #unrelated au art

SSaT related are: #scattered stars art

Polls: #polls

Fanart of the comic: #fanart

You can find the beginning of the story here!

You can also find all the characters side by side with others of their faction below! I also plan to update these everytime new character's appear for each faction, so keep an eye out for that!

SSaT Toppats

SSaT Gov

SSaT CCC

VH Gov

[braceletofteeth]

catch up meme

Rules: answer + tag 9 people you want to get to know better and/or catch up with!

Thank you @notsocharmy for tagging me 💕

Favorite Color: Last time I said I was in a brown phase, right? Well, I put so much brown around me I got sick of it 😅 Now, I'm feeling more attracted to shades of red. It never happened before (it usually feels too intense for me), but recently I've realized I've been putting it everywhere too.

Last Song: Lucky Again by Louis Tomlinson. It's my favorite song from the album Faith in the Future, which I only discovered recently (many good songs there!).

The current quote in my bio is from this song.

Last Movie: I watched Uncontrolled Love 1 and 2 this week (it's a chinese BL from the time they still made those).

Before that, I also watched 10 Thing I Hate About You, for the first time (I'm a little late to the party, I know).

Currently reading: I have a book, a fanfic, and a legislation that I've started, but can't get past a few chapters at a time :( It's been hard to engage, especially with the ones I'm reading for fun. I'm too stressed to relax and properly enjoy.

Currently watching:

Never Let Me Go

It's a rewatch. I'm doing it slowly because I also wanna finish tagging and reblogging the remaining posts still in my drafts since the first watch.

Cherry Magic [Anime ver.]

Would I watch the exact same story for the third time, just in a different format? Well, of course!

Ploy's Yearbook

Would I watch an entire series for one actor? Well-

Death Parade

I found this anime in one of the polls I reblogged recently. I'm making my brother watch it with me <3

Enchanté

The people were right. Akk is hands down THE BEST of Force's characters. I'm not a huge friends-to-lovers person, but I'm having fun with this one. (I'm also using the random french words/phrases to exercise my beginner's french :)).

Currently Craving: If I mention The Heart Killers one more time someone might actually push me off the stage...

You know, what I'm really craving the most lately is to become financially independent from my family, and I'm doing everything I can in order to reach that goal, so that next semester I can finally get free. I want to move out and watch my silly little dramas in a safe environment, decorated to my taste, where I can dress however I want, learn to cook anything I wanna taste, and not worry so much all the time 😊

Coffee or Tea: Sorry. The only hot beverage I like is hot chocolate 😅

tagging: @permanentlyexhaustedpigeon247 @kdreader02 @cangse-sanren

Hi, guys 👋 I haven't known you for long, but I'd like to know more, if you feel like sharing. If not, no problem at all! Have a good day <3

[ultimatepokemontournament]

Gratitudes Combo Post! I shall be bulk replying to nice messages that people have sent me here in an attempt to minimize clutter! I hope this works for you all as well!

@roodllle I'm very very glad the system works for you!!

For those that weren't here at the start, I actually did initially have set polls up to be daily, but after a bit of poking at it, I was able to figure out how to make polls weekly and still keep things moving on at a good pace! It seems people have enjoyed that a lot more so I'm very glad I put the work in to make the switch!!

I found the reblogs important too, just cause I know how fast things can disappear on the dashboard, and how hard it can be to remember what events are going on, especially if stuff if happening on a daily basis! Plus I talk to a lot of people in very different time zones, so my morning is definitely someone else's midnight.

(Many more below the cut!!)

@pileofrats It is indeed a full time job gjfisjgfi but if I wasn't willing to do such things For Science, then what kind of scientist would I be? :D (It says Science twice on my diploma, not that you need a degree to be a scientist, but just to show that I am dedicated.)

@vampiredeliverylady I have indeed been thanked, but it's very nice to hear it every time!! Thank you for taking the time to write such a nice message and it's wonderful to hear that this tournament is making a positive impact for you !!!!

@samuwhal Thank you so much! I'm very glad you're enjoying it and hope you keep having fun!

Thank you! I hope you have a wonderful day (and I hope all of your interceding days have been wonderful too) as well! I'll admit I maybe wasn't thinking about how much work 1000+ Pokemon would be when I started, but I'm dedicated to seeing this through! (And they've added new ones since I've started!! I'm going to have to go back in and work those in after I'm done here. </3)

Thank you!!! 💙💙💙

I am !! Sometimes it gets a little stressful, but at the end of the day, I'm very lucky and very happy to be here!

Thank you!! I definitely gotta keep it organized, because I absolutely would lose stuff if I didn't ahaha, so it works out for everyone! (And if I am occasionally secretly hoping that sometimes people are finding about this tournament from individual Pokemon tags that they're browsing, well, let's keep that a secret between us ;D)

And needless to say, I am also very lucky to have you all here with me :D !! A tournament is not a tournament without all of you participating and hyping up your favorites!

Thank you so much!! It really means a lot!! 😊

@taintedhallows you know it!! :D 💪💪💪

@commieorcs Thank you!! I hope you're having fun participating! :D

@indiana-grace Thank you! They're definitely a huge help to me too because I absolutely would vote differently if I couldn't look them in their little eyes before casting my own votes hahaha. My hope is that it also makes it more newbie friendly as well, since I know not everyone voting is familiar with all of them!

Thank YOU!

gjiofsjgf I'm glad it's working out then!! I too am often too busy to pay attention to other polls I'll admit. Often times the only thing I do on Tumblr in a day is work on this tournament lol

Ok, I think that's a wrap! I shall now clear these asks out of my inbox, but one more collective thank you to all of you and everyone who has said nice things!! It's very very sweet and kind of you all and has given me a lot of energy and motivation to keep pushing forward with this!

Sorry for taking so long to answer some of these!! I know I wanted to avoid clutter, but I could've made smaller grouped response posts and answered these collectively sooner!

[zucest-week]

Hello motherfuckers, it's time to Zucest.

As many of you know, last year, I, along with a group consisting of myself, me, Kate and @ilikepjo24, organized the first ever Zucest Week. The event was a huge success, a very enjoyable process for me, and everyone else who participated. So naturally, it will be done again.

I have already started working on some background projects and planning that are related to the event, like scheduling the dates, that I will share with you right now.

Last year, I got an anonymous complain, saying that the prompts were announced too close to the date of the Week itself. So this year, I decided to switch it up a bit. The Week will still happen on the same dates as last year, but the process of collecting prompts and voting for the winners will happen earlier that year, to ensure that there will be enough time.

So, with that being said, the Google Sheet where everyone will be able to write down their ideas will be shared with the public at the 28th of February. It will be editable by for a week and a day. Normally, it's supposed to be only a week, but this year is a leap year, which means you'll have an extra day to add your suggestions.

After the predecided deadline, the spreadsheet will no longer be editable, but it will remain online and accessable to however wishes to go over the prompts once again.

Once the prompts have been collected, I will seperate all of them to five categories, depending on their energy. Those categories will be:

Smutty/Kinky Suggestions

Fluffy Suggestions

Humorous Suggestions

Sad/Angsty Suggestions

And there will be a fifth category titled Free-For-All. The suggestions that go there are the prompt that fall into two or more of the other categories. Once the prompts are seperated, I'll create a voting poll for each of the categories and I'll share all the polls with you so that you can select the suggestions you prefer. That will happen in the 7th of March and this process will last one week.

After the voting process is over, I'll collect the seven most voted prompts from each poll and arrange them in each of the seven days of the Week. That way, each day sill have five suggestions, one from each of the five categories, and you pick what you'd like to write for that day. When each of the prompts you have chosen has been arranged to each respective day, I will announce the winner prompts. That announcement will take place in the 14th of March.

The Week itself starts at the 14th of June and ends at the 20th of the same month. So from the moment the prompts will be announced, we will each have 3 months exactly to write/draw their works based on the prompts.

All forms of art are appreciated and welcome. You can write a story or a poem, draw a picture or a comic, you could even compose a song if you wish to do show, or make a post with a headcannon inspired from the suggestions of the day. You might want to do a different project for each day and that's more than okay as well! All I wish for is that, if you use your platform/account on Tumblr to spread your art, tag it as #zucestweek and/or #zucestweek2024 so that it'll be easier to find.

Soon, I'll make another post regarding other Zucest related events that will take place at the same period of time, so stay tuned.

As always, if anyone had any question/idea/suggestion/concern, please feel free to contact mez anonymously or not, any moment of any day, through an ask, a reblog, a comment, or a private message in this account, or in my other account @ilikepjo24, although I would prefer if you contacted this account, so other people that might have something similar to say could also get their answer by following this account here.

And as I mentioned before, I organize this event by myself *side eyes Zucest loving friends that do nothing* so I'd appreciate it if no anti tried to burden me with any hate, cause I honestly don't have time for that.

That is all, have a nice day, wherever you are!

[mental-illness-bingo]

I have a couple questions for fellow systems (and to be clear, if you believe you are an "endogenic system", you are too early in your journey to answer this question if you don't remember your trauma yet) that have low/no/fluctuating/conditional empathy for people outside of the system. Whether it's due to autism, aspd, npd, etc. if you fit those two things, I'd love your input.

1.) Do you have affective empathy for your alters that you have at least some communication with? If so, is it for *all* of those alters, or just some of them? Try your best to exclude things like emotional bleeding from other alters and passive influence if you can. This one I'll do as a poll, since it can easily be made into one, but if it's closed when you see this feel free to answer in tags/reblogs/replies.

2.) If you do have empathy for all of them, do you think it's possible not to? Would it be possible to not have affective empathy for someone sharing a brain with you? It's obviously possible to not care what a particular alter is feeling, but is it possible - without amnesia barriers involved - to not know what they are feeling if they were to not tell you?

3.) For those who have empathy for their alters, but not for people outside the system, do you feel like it affects your relationships with people outside the system? Does it feel like your relationships with people outside the system are less deep/meaningful than with those in the system? Especially for those with in-system romantic relationships, do you feel like outside romantic relationships struggle to be valuable in comparison?

My answers - to give more context to why I'm asking - are under the cut for anyone curious

Background: have at least somewhat solid communication with pretty much all of my alters except maybe 2? at this point because I have done a lot of work to get there and made it a priority for a long time to get there. I have no empathy for people outside of the system due to ASPD (and possibly also impacted by my autism), besides what are called Exceptions in the ASPD community (similar concept to BPD's Favorite Person).

1.) I have empathy for some alters, but for others, it feels like I don't? Even though I don't know exactly how that would work? I have good communication with these alters and yet I only have a vague idea of what they're feeling unless it is outwardly obvious (crying/yelling/etc) or they tell me, much like how I experience my lack of empathy outside of the system.

2.) I don't know if it is possible, or if it is, how that would work, hence making this post. It feels like good communication would be linked to having empathy for them? System psychology and neurology is a really complex topic with little research and few definitive answers, so I'd love to know anecdotally how other systems are experiencing this.

3.) Due to my particular brand of trauma and me being poly, I am in *several* in-system romantic relationships. There also are and have been other in-system relationships not related to me. In comparison, it feels so much different from how I experience romantic relationships outside of the head. I know any type of relationship with alters will pretty much always be different and likely deeper than outside relationships, but I feel like systems with typical empathy for other people still seem to want to engage in outside relationships. For us, we frequently feel like we're forcing it. I can pretty much only handle dating Exceptions when dating outside of the system because it's the only thing that feels somewhat close. I love my partner of course, and I hope to spend my life with him and any potential afterlife there may/may not be with him as well, but it does sometimes hit me that it doesn't come as easily as dating in the system. It feels much less natural, and I'm curious if other systems feel this way as well, or if it's just my regular ASPD-related aversion to people. Many (but not all) of my alters are Exceptions, so that helps, but I can date non-Exceptions in the system and cannot outside of it. I guess I'm just wondering if I'm alone in this feeling or if any other systems have struggled with it too.

Thanks for reading : )

[honeysuckle-fae]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers!

(please don't feel pressured to answer this if you don't want to, by the way!)

Thank you so much for the ask!!! Five things that make me happy, let's see...

My partner! I love him to bits

Knitting! I learned how recently and it's been getting me through. A Lot

Wildflowers! There are so many beautiful kinds and I love learning about the different ones I see <3

The Amazing Devil! My favorite band! Please give me more music!

@camlannpod ! Everyone go listen to it, it's fantastic!

Thanks again for the ask! These are always fun <3

[avidaraku]

Hi!!!! ʕ •̀ o •́ ʔ

welcome to my pinned post I honestly still dont know what to do with my blog like ever but still :) nice stuff. This blog contains whatever the fuck I reblog, including fandom and 18+ stuff - I do not tag my porn reblogs so if you're following me for fandom things, this is an all in one blog bc i do what i want <3 you are warned! leave if you dislike my beloved freak blog

|･ω･)

just be nice and kind babygirls, that's all i ask of <3 human decency lets go!!!! (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

my ao3 account is https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daimashiko :) I like writing porn, my brain is constantly on khr mode :) I also never have any consistent name for my accounts, so thats also why my names are different. Hi to any discord friends who know me from well, discord <3 im sure u guys are familiar with my socials in this case

TAGS. ─=≡Σ((( つ＞＜)つ ／(＞×＜)＼

#my art (very self explanatory I am not a creative person with names?? sorryyyyy - i also considered making my art tag into artvidaraku but like. thats too much effort jklsjgkldKJDF:SJ:JKL:JK:LDG ;;)

#khr (that is my main fandom ofc <333 - overlaps with my art but also other people's khr stuff so haha... its a mess but oh well)

#poll (i like answering them! or just reblogging polls i wanted to volunteer in but its too late </3)

#lotta tags (i tend to comment a lot in tags but these are the ones where i usually write like. a lot of commentary to the point im like ohhhh i should tag this right? curious if anyone's ever went through them but also i've never talked abt these things so. oopsssss <3 - lot of it is kinda sad / depressing but usually i am pretty reflective. kinda?)

#animals (self explanatory. i love me some fucking creatures. respect nature babygirls i adore them fellas <3)

#tumblr classic (i love getting to see the classics / things i'd personally consider a classic on my feed)

#fandom (this one's pretty commonly used! yadda yadda, talks abt fanfic and stuff / sometimes i get disappointed with fandom but that's not new lol)

#fashion (i don't use this as much as I should be?? but if you want to check out what i think is fun / a vibe <3)

#avidarecs (****i literally just made this on impulse so there's not much rn but i want to share more of my recs for things in general! fandom / songs / whatever other thing comes to mind?***// will probably be rarely used? but you never know~)

there might be more tags I haven't included but from the top of my head this is it?? Might add more, i have no clue. But anyways back to my other interests and what I'm into!

media i like: khr (its number one bc i am unable to pry reborn's hands on my stupid silly little soul so i cannot escape even if i wanted to), slay the princess + scarlet hollow (games made by the same studio. i love the art and vibes sooo much and also the fanart is sooo beautiful), Jenna Marbles (i've been obsessed w her stuff recently and I hope she's having a good time w her dogs and Julien :), kpop (honestly its only just loona bc im tired and feel old as fuck despite only being in my 20s so i am not gonna get into another thing lol), and sanrio!!! i love my melody she's a cutie patootie <3

-probably more stuff I like but this post would be a lot longer

I'm certain its obvious but I am a proshipper (also i am always in rarepair hell girl HELP. but also i will chain myself to that random mix of characters without prompting. ah....), if you don't like proshippers, leave my page and block me <3

But anyways my fav tropes (i definitely have more i just cant think of them but in general im chill with lots of stuff!)

incest (i am so fr when i say somehow i always revolve around incest ships they're just soooo good. my brain is absolutely destroyed in favor of tasty fucking food. shout out to incest shippers you guys rock luv yall :3)

age gap / size difference (these tropes are lovers and they're already fucking each other within one yard of each other. good fucking food yk?)

any toxic/problematic food (necro + lolisho rights!!!) in general. i am just. yeahhhhhhhhhhh MMMM LOAD THAT SHIT UP. i also have very little memory but still whatever

genderbend - i know it's a dwindling trope in popularity but there is nothing better than mindlessly turning a guy chara into a girl like wow..... so hot.... <3 this has also been a long time trope i've adored and i'll probably never stop using it bc its just that good for me <3 mmm. girls. cute.

monsterfucker stuff is great! (does this include animal hybrids? im going to include it with that soooo)

i think this is enough, but also before you go explore whatever maze my blog is in bc i cant be bothered enough by my blog, i will also reblog things in tandem to politics / real world things (I support Palestine <3). Am American. Am Mess. But I hope the world is kinder even just a little bit more. This world is cruel, but I hope we can continue to offer each other support and love, even when times are harrowing as always.

(っ ᵔ◡ᵔ)っ have a hug/kiss!!!! (i like gifs hehe)

[ask-skull-and-muffin]

🌼Welcome to my Ask Blog!🌼

Heyo! It is I, Lonliest_muffin a (primarily) Katekyou Hitman Reborn Ao3 Author!! :3

I will use this Blog to answer various Questions, reblog writing advice and khr fics, post tumblr-exclusive short stories, announce Updates on my fanfics and (maybe) create some polls about said fanfictions.

If you want, you could also follow me on my Fandom Blog, @social-muffin! :3

And if you'd like to help me build a story, check out my second Ask Blog @ask-kyoya-hibari-and-kyo-kun!

You may ask me anything about, or relating to my many (mostly) Skull- and/or Hibari-centric khr fanfictions. You can even ask me some questions about who I am as a person. Just address your asks to Muffin and I will answer as myself! :3

Under the Read More you'll find a list of Skulls/AUs I plan to answer questions for! I am not an artist(yet I hope), I'm a hobby-writer, so I will answer these Questions with a little story to accompany them, depending on what the question is. (may be 20 words, 100 words, even 1000 words, depends on how inspiration strikes)

Answers that include spoilers for my fanfictions (stuff I haven't written/posted yet) will be tagged as 'Spoilers', for those people that wish to avoid that! But I will not Tag stuff I've already written and posted as spoilers.

Disclaimer!: Harassment and Hate of any kind has no place here, you will be blocked on sight.

Here is the current list of the Skulls I'll answer questions for(may change)! Links are included on the names of the listed fanfics. (mentioned for the Vision impaired)

This is also a really basic Guide on how I would like you to Ask Questions for specific versions of the characters I write!

These WARNINGS are different from the fanfictions's tags, so do check the tags before reading as well, just to be safe! The Tags are more elaborate, I wanted to keep this brief.

Series: Igniting Embers!

Guardian Angels (First Timeline) - Teen Skull (age 16/17) goes through a rough time, then he ends up under the protection of the Vindice! He has fun with it while it lasts.

To ask him and his mysterious pals questions, start your Asks with GA!Skull or Guardian Skull. (Guardian Bermuda, GA!Jaeger, etc.) Will be tagged '#khr Guardian Angels" in case you wanna look through this blog for Asks about this specific AU.

WARNINGS: This story contains implied/referenced underage non-con and the resulting ptsd. This fic is incomplete.

Pathway of Sacrifice (First Timeline) - Skull (pre-curse/age 21) somehow ended up in the Mafia and he is not happy about it! Unfortunately, his teammates are as beautiful as they are cruel and stupid... Skull has to protect them.

To ask him and his tormentors questions start your Asks with PS!Skull or Sacrificed Skull. (Sacrificed Luce, PS!Verde, etc.) Will be tagged '#khr Pathway of Sacrifice' in case you wanna look through this blog for Asks about this specific AU.

WARNINGS: Skull experiences the canon typical bullying, there are several near death experiences, the Arcos have emotional constipation. This fic has been completed.

Simmering Embers (Part of the first Timeline, but a divergence) - Skull (cursed/age 40~) leaves the Hibari Clan and takes along his baby brother, Kyoya (age 3). Now Skull has to figure out how to raise children all while removing himself off the face of the earth, so the Arcos can't find him or his brother. Not to mention he has to do something about the curse!

To ask him and his sweet bro questions, start your Asks with SE!Skull or Simmered Skull! (Simmered Kyoya, SE!OCs also allowed, etc.) Will be tagged '#Simmering Embers' in case you wanna look through this blog for Asks about this specific AU.

WARNINGS: Self-mutilation (can be skipped while reading), mild suicidal ideation at times, Child Abuse, original character death, weird cloud flame things. This fic is incomplete.

Embers Underwater (First Timeline) - Skull (post-curse/age 50~/looks 20~) tells Hibari (age 17) they're half-brothers. Kyoya is surprisingly okay with this and immediately takes Skull home. They get along fine, but then the Arcobalenos start to search for Skull...

To ask him and his brother questions, start your Asks with Ember Skull, or EU!Skull! (EU!Kyoya, Ember Reborn, etc.) Will be tagged '#khr Embers Underwater' in case you wanna look through this blog for Asks about this specific AU.

WARNINGS: Ptsd, miscommunication, Skull and Kyoya are not well, bittersweet ending. This fic has been completed!

Systemic Disorder (First timeline and happens directly after Embers Underwater!) - Skull (still post-curse/age 50~/looks 20~) goes into hiding after his latest stunt causes a mafia-wide uproar. He picks up a new identity and starts living a new life in Namimori! Things won't be that simple when living with Hibari Kyoya though....

To ask him and his many friends questions, start your Asks with SD!Skull or Systemic Skull. (SD!Nana, Systemic Spitfire(OC), etc.) Will be tagged '#khr Systemic Disorder' in case you wanna look through this blog for Asks about this specific AU.

WARNINGS: Everyone needs a hug, everyone has PTSD, Skull attends his own Funeral, Arcos reach their breaking point/verbal abuse. This fic is incomplete.

A Title to Guard the Strongest (Second Timeline!) - Skull (age 20) leads a boring life as an internationally beloved Stuntman. At least until he finally meets some interesting people! Two Soldiers, a substitute teacher that moonlights as a Hitman, a trainee illusionist, an exotic dancer with an assassination hobby, a slightly unethical pediatrician and the revered Donna of the Giglio Nero Familia... Nobody seem able to resist Skull's undeniable charm!

To ask this Skull and his unconventional Family questions, start your Asks with GS!Skull or Titled Skull. (GS!Luce, Titled Reborn, etc.) Will be tagged '#khr A Title to Guard the Strongest' in case you wanna look through this blog for Asks about this specific AU.

WARNINGS: implied/referenced non-con, implied/referenced dub-con, alcohol use, Sky!Skull, explosives and injuries, Luce-appreciation (she gets cuddled here eventually). This fic is incomplete!

Accumulated Embers (Crossover of the First and Second Timeline!) - Embers Skull (age 50~/looks 20~) is having the worst time of his life. Every that could go wrong, goes wrong and he succumbs to the darkness at his core. Titled Fon(age 50~) disagrees with that sad fate, so he burns a path across timelines to protect and nurture that poor soul. As a bonus, Titled Fon also gets to gently bully the Ember Arcos into better coping mechanisms!

To send Asks for this fic, you just have to add on AE! before you write who the Ask is for. (Would look like: AE!Embers Skull, or AE!Titled Fon, or AE!GS!Reborn, etc.) Will be tagged '#khr Accumulated Embers' in case you wanna look through this blog for Asks about this specific AU.

WARNINGS: mentioned Infant death, mentioned substance abuse, mentioned child neglect, mentioned child abuse, internalized transphobia, identity crisis, poverty, bullying, ptsd, Immortality, learning to communicate, Titled Fon has his work cut out for him. This fic is incomplete.

Cirrostratus (A Divergence in the Second Timeline!) - Skull (age 20) meets Reborn (age 25) when the hitman is at his lowest and struggling. Skull has always had a kind heart and open doors. Reborn can only reject that help for so long... A civilain's life seemed a distant dream until it was suddenly at his fingertips.

To ask these two roommates questions, start your Asks with Cirro!Skull or Roommate Reborn. (Cirro!Reborn, Roommate Skull) Will be tagged '#khr Cirrostratus' in case you wanna look through this blog for Asks about this specific AU.

WARNINGS: PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, initially bad coping mechanisms, but it will get better, Skull is a good Bro and way too trusting. This fic is incomplete!

Series: Plot Bunnies

Object Permanence (is actually slightly adjacent to the Igniting Embers Timelines, yet very much it's own thing) - The growth serum Verde developed post-canon goes wildly wrong! Their minds now match their bodies, as though they'd been plucked straight out of their messed-up childhoods. Only Skull was spared, as he regained his adult body. And well... Someone has to take care of these scared, confused children, right?

To send questions to this odd family, start your Asks with Papa!Skull or Tiny![insert Arco] (Examples: Tiny!Reborn, Tiny!Fon, etc. Tiny!Skull is also an option!!) Will be tagged '#khr Object Permanence' in case you wanna look through this blog for Asks about this specific AU.

WARNINGS: a variety of different types of PTSD, neglect, poverty, grief, anxiety, internalized transphobia, canon-typical bullying, pls take care while reading, nobody is all okay, but it will have a very uplifting ending. This story is incomplete.

Series: Igniting Sparks

Sparking Hearth (is part of the first Igniting Embers timeline, in a different Series because it's Hibari-centric) - Hibari Kyoya (age 6) runs away from home ,only to stumble across the most beautiful town he ever did see. The herbivores are actually insane, roaming the streets as though they're prepared for war, all while a kind of grief lingers in the air... But more importantly! That school is gorgeous!!

If you'd like to send this little dear questions, just send an Ask addressed to Baby!Kyoya, or Baby!Hibari. Or Spark/Sparky if you wanna bully the child lmao. Of course, will be tagged '#khr Sparking Hearth' just in case you wanna look through this blog for Asks about this specific AU.

WARNINGS: headcanons for flame harmonization and flame sealing, the following insanities, also Death of OC via child, child abuse, homelessness, Baby!Hibari has no concept of societal rules yet. This fic is incomplete.

☁️💜Thanks for reading if you got this far! I hope to hear from you in my Ask Box! :3 💜☁️

[dustdeepsea]

💫 🎀🎉💝

<3

Answering asks from this list <3

Thank you so much for sending this, Lene! Sorry it took me so long to reply—I was trying and failing to give myself a compliment that didn't sound too cheesy ^^;

💫 what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

It's really wonderful when people tell me which lines they liked best, or pick up on the motifs in my writing. I like to leave little stylistic easter eggs as a treat for myself and it's so cool with readers pick up on them too.

(There's a very short mirrored scened in aqua vitae/Nine Lives that no one has found yet. You'll get sexy eyebrow waggles if you do.)

🎀 give yourself a compliment about your own writing

You write emotions during sex scenes well, and your character's voices are convincing and realistic. (Based on my readers' feedback!!)

🎉 how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)

Pretty often, I feel! If I've had a very good writing day, I share the news with my partner as well :) I also shameless do a next day reblog now.

💝 what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

I wrote Benediction (Tav/Zevlor) as part of a poll fill. It's by far my most popular fic to date and I have no idea where all the readers came from. (If you're here because of Benediction, please say hi!)

I truly adore Zevlor, and I have such strong feelings about his character. Because of that, I honestly feel too overwhelmed to tackle another Zevlor fic, if that makes any sense ^^;

Many other writers have explored different facets of him really well, and I'm wondering what other angles I could write about. If you have an idea, please let me know and perhaps I could make it work!

[big-pp-energy-ven]

This is just a miscellaneous post of my inner rants, I expect no one to engage with this other than myself when I find this post in like 5 years from now

Based on the previous reblog where it was poll on what kind of gay I was in high school, I was a choir kid (derogatory)

I say derogatory because,,, I had mix feelings about it.

I got into choir in 7th grade middle school, and was in choir up until 12th grade of high school (excluding the covid year, I was online). That's almost 5 years of choir.

Those first 3 years were alright, I might even say great. I had pretty good directors, I especially liked my 8th grade director- excusing that one time she yelled at me tho and made me cry... (maybe).

Middle school choir was about what you expect, I feel like it wasn't all that serious. No proper techniques, just... singing to the crowd. The only shit that was a constant issue was drama amongst the clique of 11-13 year olds. My 8th grade director was great cuz she gossiped with us and she fr kinda ate... she was a middle aged latina woman who had a new jersey accent... loved how real she was.

Then I get to high school choir, and of course everything is different. The director, who we called "Mama", was the sweetest woman and she made choir the best for me. She was like my 8th grade director but more sassier and a loud mouth (affectionate)

You might be saying- what was so bad about choir?

All I will say, the one thing that Mama would get on our asses about whenever we weren't meeting her expectations was attitude and egos. I've seen how some my classmates acted... she was right in most cases.

Something to admit, right off the bat, being in choir for those 3 years was the 2nd time I had ever felt lonely. I mean, 10th grade concert choir, is when I made friends with people I'm currently friends with now! It's funny because I remember seeing how my buddies interacted and I thought they were weird... but then I gradually warmed up to them and realized that I was just as weird.. (that's on that neurodivergent behavior).

While I did make friends with those weirdos (affectionate), I recognized that I spent most of my time alone. Quiet and just watching the other choir students talk and stuff. Whenever someone did talk to me, I remained friendly and said hi, but it always felt kind of forced. Like I couldn't exactly hold a long-lasting conversation. I think I spent more time listening/watching than actually talking. I did have to force myself to talk to people and be a part of a group, I didn't wanna be completely alone. Even in 12th grade, I tried my best to put myself out there... but there weren't a lot of people I vibed with except maybe like 5 of them (there were at least 50 people, btw).

I was in the beginner choir for 2 years, I was supposed to go to the bella voce (all women's) choir my 11th grade year, but covid happened...

So it was surprising when I was chucked in chamber (advanced) in 12th grade. You had to audition and do an interview to get in, and you would be added according to the schedule. Mama always found a way to get in you in multiple choirs... but I was surprised when I was put in there, cuz I didn't have to do any of it.

Mama always mentioned how she saw the best in us and knew who was hard working. Me, however, didn't see that.

I think that's when I started to develop imposter syndrome or at least started to notice it. I felt like I didn't belong in chamber. Everyone in there were great singers and were in theater as well. I know I shouldn't have been comparing myself, but it's kinda hard when you're surrounded by so much talent

I remember we were having a discussing and Mama was asking if we saw ourselves as an ensemble (a person who works collectively with their group) or a soloist (someone who's having a performance of their own... /negative). Most answered ensemble. I answered soloist, and when I explained my own reasoning, I said something like "It's not that I'm intentionally singing alone, I don't feel like I'm apart of the ensemble and I'm my own island." Mama took note of that.

I worked to better my vocals, I sang during karaoke days, and I was considered one of the strongest altos in my section, but I still felt like I wasn't trying hard enough. Senior year had become a weird period where choir became my least favorite class unlike before... I didn't hate it, but it became something I didn't look forward to.

The rehearsals felt monotonous, the drama felt constant, the current state of the world was no longer the same, and I had to worry about passing, so choir wasn't my top priority exactly. I still did what I needed to do during those last 40 minutes of the day, but outside of choir, I was focused on other stuff.

My friends were either in different choirs or were doing dual enrollment, so I was alone for the most part in that class period. Yes, I had friends outside of choir, but I only saw them during lunch. I feel like senior year was lonely... that 1 hour lunchtime didn't seem like enough time.

Now, MPA (basically a choir exam) was coming up, and we have these really advanced pieces we're performing. Mama, love her to death, was working us to the bone. She was harsh. She was critical, but I'd say it was mostly tough love... and this was also when the interpersonal drama started to ramp up, and she had gotten involved to some extent. A lot was happening now (..uh time frame, this was early 2022).

There was one day where the tension was... well tense. And Mama was not having it with us. I was stressed out of my mind at this point, I felt like I wasn't working hard enough, and it felt like I was experiencing the weight of the situation.

The rehearsal went on, and she distinctly told us, "You're gonna close your eyes and sing this right. If you open your eyes, then you aren't taking this seriously, and you don't have the right to be in this choir."

That, for some reason, got me. In the middle of the song, I got choked up and was so ridden with anxiety and sadness that I froze up. I was rubbing my pants' legs and shaking, all with my eyes closed. One of the guest teachers had to touch me to calm me down.

Of course, there was discussion afterward... I was put on the spotlight. I don't even remember what I said, but I spoke out how I felt about the performance. I was mess. I still think about that day because it makes me feel exhausted thinking about it. I remember how much I wanted to quit after that. It's been a year since that happened. I don't know why I felt so burdened during that rehearsal. It might've been due to my own fears of failing, I already had the constant thought of not being good enough and not belonging. I still don't know what set me off to this day.

I find it a little messed up to say that I was happy when I left choir and graduated. I remember seeing my choir mates crying and hugging the seniors. Meanwhile, I was just happy to get out of there. I did say goodbye to one of my favorite underclassmen. I felt no attachments to the choir anymore. The only reason why I cried is because it was due to seeing two of my favorite teachers front row (Mama and my English teacher). That got me, god.

Mama was a great teacher in terms of how she taught and lifted us up. Not only that, she was a good counselor... she was very vulnerable with us, and that, in turn, made us vulnerable with her, and she's the most supportive teacher on campus. I hope she still works there.

The only things I did enjoy from choir were the songs. I can remember a few of them. Also, I'll never forget that I listened to Ubi Caritas for 2 hours straight... I learned it, though. I can't listen to it, thought without feeling sad, as it reminds me of that rehearsal day.

My dad always asks if I'm still singing, and I would say not really... I mean, I do sing on occasion, but I still don't think I'm good. I don't see myself joining the singing career. I still have moments, though, where if/when I listen to someone sing, I listen to techniques and silently correct them. I'm glad I'm more focused on visual arts than performance arts... I was in tech theater though, that was fun.

Sorry for anyone that happened to read this entire mini Bible.. I've had this on my mind for a year.

[forusomimiya]

hiii can i ask you some things?

how is tumblr for you when you were starting? d'you also had those days when you feel like no one's appreciating your works? how did you go through that? and how did you grow your community?

i really need answers from someone successful. i have been off these past few days and i feel like i wanna stop writing but i dont really wanna stop. i also dont want to impose to my readers to try and reblog. and im feeling insecure like are my works that bad or smth. give me advices?

hiii 💜 well, I started on tumblr by re-uploading everything I uploaded on twitter, and somehow or another, not many people seemed to like it (just look at the difference in likes and reblogs between my first posts and now), then I thought about giving a twist to the content and started uploading content related to anime characters and reader. I think I just went up in followers and interactions because tumblr in this fandom, looks for this kind of content, while what I was writing at the beginning is more of twitter (I don't know if I explain myself). I also had days when I said: "nobody likes what I write?" but I didn't care, I wanted to share my thoughts and ideas, I just had to take another way to connect better with people. I can only tell you if you want to write, do it. I know it's nice to be recognized for what you do, but sometimes you will need patience or else find your "way" to match with others who will end up showing you that they really like what you do, and will value it. I would start for example to ask for suggestions in your question box, do polls or depending on what you like to write about, look at some hashtags and see how is the structure of the posts of those who focus on the same as you. Hashtags are also important, I think there are some that are more key than others…. Just be patient and enjoy what you create, sooner or later there will be people who will show you that what you write is great <3 <3 I send you lots of encouragement, and I hope my advice will help you in something, since I'm not very good at giving them! hahahaha

[fadebolt]

I'm not sure if it's just me, but interactions within the Rain World community just feel... less and less common nowadays.

There aren't any more 'Send me your design so I can draw them!' posts, new poll blogs, voice acting projects, or pretty much anything that one could participate in, outside of some ask blogs where the inboxes get flooded extremely quickly.

It's mostly everyone just doing their own thing, and reblogging some stuff here and there.

But getting mad at this would be quite hypocritical of me, as I never really did anything about it.

It's very much possible that I'm just looking at the wrong places, and I could find much more interactions within some of the Discord servers I'm in... or I just simply missed some stuff, because that absolutely happens too.

Regardless, some others have been pretty vocal about how much of a problem it is that I don't exactly initiate anything ever. I do respond to people, I just never end up being the one who goes "Hey, we haven't talked in a while, how are you?" or "Sup, I think you're really cool! Can we chat" or "Guess what, I'm doing a really cool thing, and you can join in! Would you like to?", or anything else of that nature.

I always just hope that other people will approach me, or that they themselves will start something I can join into. I had generally unpleasant experiences from when I attempted to do that myself, which is why I'm like this, but it's very clear that this is not healthy, and that it can absolutely lead to isolation.

Currently, everything is fine. I'm spending time with my brother, playing this stupidly hard moba-like PvE Warcraft 3 map through LAN, and I'm sort of enjoying the new event the Discord server is running (even if the server members don't seen to care about my scugs as much as the Artfighters).

But the event will end, and I won't be home to use LAN in October, and I frankly want to do more, than to just share some images and get a few notes (while maybe playing some games by myself, and chiming into some Discord chats here and there).

All this to say:

I'm very much considering starting some sort of new project. I have brainstormed many ideas, but the one that seems the best would be a new roleplay blog, one where Rain World characters could react stuff other people would submit, be it jokes, questions, images, videos, or whatever, really.

The twist would be that every character is played/represented by a different person, and they could all send voice clips - reacting to the submissions as if they were their assigned character.

This mainly came from the fact that a voiceover project was just cancelled like, two days ago, and there's a bunch of voice acting enthusiasts I know, who would be dying to dub something.

Problem is that I would have to depend on others, both to get submissions, and to get the answers from all the character's I'm not voicing myself. And I'm struggling to make that leap of faith to start this thing, especially consider that I don't have a huge following.

Let's just hope I'll get to start working on something cool, once I'll leave for my apartment. I'll be contemplating on this stuff in the meantime.