#ALSO let me add how this comes from privilege too bc this famous guy has all the money in the world to pay for the best doctors and

[deadrlngers]

people really say that us, as a society, don't have a problem with fatphobia and then some kind of influencer/singer will go on ig live and say "well at least cancer made me lose weight hehe". like what the fuck

[normal-thoughts-official]

magnus is this notorious pirate famous in the caribbean with everyone talking about him because of how successful he is. his quartermaster is definitely raphael (his care for his clan and how he cares for others solidifies this thought process) and their ship has some corny name that raphael pretends to hate but definitely loves. europe thinks that magnus and his crew are demons(racists fucks) meanwhile theyre out here being nerds who enjoys navigating the seas and ruining racists job prospects+

+cat and ragnor live on nassau with magnus bringing back supplies they sell(we love the blackmarket here). the lightwoods are brought into this world bc their parents send them off to nassau to try and expand the family's business and gain profit off of this lawless place which refuses to be governed by anyone. malec meets at like the local inn where maia works at also where izzy meets her and by association The Polycule)and is just attracted to each other right then and there with bad flirting. once they become settled in, alec and izzy becomes like disillusioned with following what their parents expect of them and start to actually do what they wish. because he's dramatic, alec probably asks ragnor who settled down from pirating for more lessons in sword fighting (hes not unexperienced but theres a difference from fighting on land and on water)

eventually magnus hears about this cue them dramatically learning how to fight on like this cliff top with their swords connecting (we love euphemisms for sex) and them bonding over magnus' book collection he has and them no longer doing what their parents expect of them (im imagining asmodeus as this well traveled trader or something who only cares about money rather than having humanity) and even though magnus is this pirate which is a profession that the "civilized world" looks down on, he's like the epitome of actually having morals and caring about people (pirates were known to drastically impact the slave trade as they often freed slaves and let them join their crew or they worked directly with maroons and indigenous people). 

i imagine their first kiss to be when theyre training and someone has a sword pressed against the others neck because theyre horny bastards and they accept only the dramatics. their proposal/matelot is potc levels of dramatic with them fighting an enemy crew alongside The Polycule(the most badass and queer crew out there) and like halfway through alec is just like marry me and then next thing they know it raphael is officiating their marriage around dead people before they go on to have a better and more planned out wedding on shore (had to get some of this out now before i went too deep, The Poycule is definitely something i paid attention to most considering how big and complex the group is)

ugh not to add to an already huge post but

you are totally right about raphael being his quartermaster! raphael is a great leader and he cares so much for his people and he is one of the few people magnus obviously trusts, even as they have their differences. only other person i could imagine as magnus' quartermaster would be cat but like! raphael is perfect for the job! also i love the idea that he pretends to hate the corny name, he has to pretend to hate magnus' puns and jokes on principle but really he loves it

also "meanwhile they are all nerds" accurate, the whole ship is just a whole mess of people having fun and being family we love that for them

and ok not to slut for the polycule but i'm slutting for the polycule i just. aaa want to know so much more about them. i know you said they were already with maia but idk i can see many of them being part of magnus' crew? especially meliorn and tbh clary lmao she seems the type who would love adventure like that (i'm going with fanon clary here mostly) and i can see simon in both but i can also definitely see simon being in the inn with maia (god i have a half baked au that includes that) because being in the sea all day? no thank you. and they are just this nice local couple that helps all the pirates because fuck the racist law

also it's hilarious because they are so warm and welcoming and the lightwoods get there and simon is like "oh-oh. incoming" and maia is all like "what the fUCK do you want"

which lowkey backfires because izzy is just like "oh she's so fierce, i love her" and is already like, halfway in love doing the head tilt and huge grin thing (she's not creepy about it, just like, she likes it, you know? especially because in this AU izzy was raised as a Rich Girl so she's expected to be all that fragile useless white woman ideal and yada yada and she's not here for that so she's attracted to the idea of women like clary and maia)

and just like ghhgggghhh not to slut but i love the idea that they are in the inn and meliorn raphael and possibly clary are always in the sea so like! sweet reunions! not that they are usually going super far lmao mostly just stopping the slave trade and protecting the caribbean and shit, but that's a few months in between visits and i picture that at some point when they are getting to nassau raphael is just like, vibrating (you know, as much as he allows himself to) and magnus just smiles knowingly, happy that his boy has found people he's so happy with

and raphael getting into the inn and being like "simon! maia!" and simon and maia being like "raphael! meliorn!" and just crashing into this big group hug and it's all laughs and meliorn twirls maia and she giggles and simon kisses raphael's cheek and is all worried about them both (plus clary) because god what the fuck kind of shit did they get into this time, are they hurt? if he's broken another leg he's gonna- and raphael laughs and says "no, cariño, i promise all i have with me are gifts" because he's not gonna travel the caribbean and not bring stuff for his partners. so it's him and meliorn showering maia and simon in gifts and pretty and maybe stolen things (maia in particular takes such great joy in learning that her pretty new bracelet belonged to some racist bitch) like spoils you know? lmao, and looking at them it's like they haven't seen each other in years or something but no it's been like a month and it's always like that

and alec and izzy are just watching that, mouths slack, shocked, but highkey yearning for something as free as that, that loving family and that open love and meliorn's genderfuckery and just everything about them! and alec "conceal don't feel" lightwood is kind of frowning and goes "are they always like that?" to which magnus, behind him, answers "yes" and then he turns around and they stare at each other and magnus quickly goes from "happy for my boys" to "hello tall person" in a matter of seconds and is suddenly all seductive and flirty and alec is having the time of his life? especially since here away from the lightwoods he can allow himself just a little bit, and letting a guy flirt with him can't hurt, right? he knows izzy won't tell their parents. so he engages

cue terribly bad flirting, izzy smiling widely as she watches the polycule dynamics, highkey wanting something like that for herself, especially seeing the way that clary talks to maia all like "look at this SWORD" and all the adventures. and maia still doesn't trust her but apparently magnus has already hit it off with her brother so what the hell, they might as well stay

and just!! yes getting to know each other shenanigans. i picture that like the army gets there and tries to get magnus and his crew and alec and izzy are like running to them to warn them (alec not knowing quite why, he shouldn't be taking that big of a risk, he shouldn't be getting attached to a pirate - of whom he's only heard terrible things so far, thinks they are Evil basically - just because something about him is alluring and represents the freedom he doesn't allow himself to want, but... he is getting attached) and the whole gang is all like *very calmly heading to the secret hideout in their room* oh don't worry about that lmao they do this every week

and idk i just want a moment where they are almost found and alec and izzy lowkey save their ass (i mean they would have managed but they make it easier, maybe use the Privilege Card lmao). maybe the guards were closer than they thought so alec ends up just shoving magnus into the hideout and when the guards come in he's all like "WHO is interrupting our sleep" and acts like an entitled brat and they don't even search the room lmao and then alec runs to the hideout all "sorry that i pushed you, are you okay?" and magnus is all like "i'm fine" but a little touched about the care. just to establish that trust, you know? both between them and between izzy and the rest of the polycule

so after that it all kind of flows smoothly because they know they can genuinely trust the lightwoods and so it grows into something more. magnus and alec can bond over having Terrible Parents With Terrible Morals and they open up about their respective traumas with abuse, and alec confesses to magnus for the first time ever that he doesn't want to be like his parents, that he thought if maybe he earned their respect, he could change things from the inside. and magnus looks at him all soft and touched and is like "there's no changing things from the inside" and alec is like "i'm starting to realize that" you know

and yeah alec gets to see how much that crew cares for each other, way more than his "traditional family" ever could (except for him and izzy who are just as devoted to each other as the crew is, but like, it's honestly less the "blood relations" and more how they've always been there for each other as they handled their parents' shittiness) and again he's just yearning because he always believed he wouldn't get something like that. and magnus in particular is just so caring and just wants to make the world a better place, you know? and he admires that and they bond over that, too

and just jdhdaodshad god i love this. and meanwhile izzy is flirting with maia clary and meliorn like crazy and soon they are like this huge messy group with all those dynamics... and i just aaa and alec and izzy end up joining the crew and daiodsaiodjsaio RAPHAEL OFFICIATING THEIR WEDDING i'm genuinely all for that fucking shit, magnus wants his boy to do it for them and aaaaa! also i DEMAND raphael&meliorn fighting sequences because i bet they would make a bomb ass duo fighting back to back and shit, you know? bonus points if they are defending simon and maia who are behind them and just making sure no one touches them?? i live for this shit 

in short i love this and you said “get some out of your chest" so if there's more, then fuck, i can't wait to see it dahsdaijas i'm sorry for talking so much i get too excited

[sqoiler]

my role reversal au:

damian is conceived when bruce is training with ra’s 

he’s delivered to bruce when damian is 10 and bruce has been batman for like 5ish years

bruce has no idea what to do with a child but he has a squishy little face and bruce’s eyes and bruce can’t??/ turn him down??

so he takes damian in, and damian being damian, wants to help bruce very!! badly!!

so he sneaks out a lot and eventually bruce is just like “whatever if you can’t beat em join em”

alfred is like “masTER BRUCE!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!! HES A BABY!!!!!!”

and bruce is like “hes fine he was trained???? it’ll all b good”

and damian is named robin after a carving on the handle of his sword. also robins mean spring and bruce is hoping it’ll add to the light/dark theme

damian thinks robin is the WORST and a baby job but he toughs it out bc he wants to make his dad happy

damian’s been robin for like ??? 3 years?/ when damian starts doing teen titans stuff 

(read more bc this is getting Long)

bc robin is gone from gotham for so long, the criminals start to notice and like. take advantage of batman’s weakness without his partner? 

plus justice league stuff, cant forget that

so these street kids start to dress like robin and help protect gotham from the criminals and the “we are robin” movement is led by some random kid named duke

bruce tries to stop the movement but it grows too fast and eventually just gives up and decides to train them. he trains duke personally and lets duke take care of the others (bruce does help a little)

eventually duke’s parents are put in a coma and bruce decides to take duke in?

damian is super resentful but he can’t stay mad at duke for long

before long bruce is. actually adopting duke and then duke decides to be a new identity, the signal

the signal & batman & robin are a trio to be feared

when damian’s like...........16 & duke is like 18 lucius fox finds out that bruce is batman and his oldest daughter finds out also (bc she’s super smort)

tiff really wants to help the city!! but her dad won’t let her and she doesn’t know how without her dad’s help?? so she’s like “lol fine” and she makes a costume and decides it can’t be THAT hard if some privileged white guy managed to start from scratch

and thus; batgirl is born

after some fighting and trials bruce accepts tiff into the fold and tiff & duke become instant besties and damian begrudgingly accepts her presence

everything is gr9 until damian turns 18 and him and bruce’s paths in life seem to shift

tensions rise and it turns into a really messy fight between the two that ends with damian running off to college in bludhaven and signal & batgirl become more of a team then before

bruce is kinda mopey and depressed until some punk wrapped in a purple curtain starts running around and leaving clues everywhere and bruce isn’t sure if this kid is good or bad

the kid tells him to call her spoiler and that she was a professional and that she had everything covered

a week later stephanie brown was moving into wayne manor

steph & bruce argued a lil but bruce liked having a kid around the house again; plus she was so different from damian it was refreshing

before long bruce was offering robin to her, to be his partner, and she gladly accepted

her first night out as robin steph is attacked by some NERD in a dark costume and a hood calling himself nightwing; steph laughs in his face and separates his two fighting children

damian is angry but he can’t hold a grudge since steph is literally an angel and he can tell how good she is for his father and he accepts her as his sister

damian & steph get really really close and steph forces him to do kid stuff he never did as a kid and he shows her how to use a sword and everything is good

steph & tiff are great friends too and steph ADORES tiff as a role model 

steph also loves duke and crashes in his apartment like every other night

everything is great until black mask tells steph that crystal brown is still alive and that if she starts a war in gotham, he’ll let her see her mom again

she does & she doesn’t tell bruce so matches doesn’t show up so--

she dies.

steph dies and bruce is heartbroken and damian retreats to bludhaven without a word and duke soldiers on and tiff retires batgirl

just in time too, because black mask shoots tiff in the spine & she’s paralyzed for life

bruce gets more angry & reckless and little timmy d notices and he’s like “well something’s gotta change”

so he approaches damian and tim’s like “bruh u gotta b robin again” and damian’s like “lol no”

so tim goes to duke and duke’s like “kiddo. im not sure if there’s room for robin what with steph’s ghost so heavy around here” so tim’s like well eff that

and tim makes his own robin costume and he’s robin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bruce tells him no then he accepts him but damian. hates him for replacing steph. 

duke & tiff (tiffiany is now oracle) like tim okay and they all get along

then some kid starts following robin around and they’re like “noT AGAIN” and the girl’s like “wait here me out: let me be batgirl”

nell little is homeless and she ADORED the old robin & batgirl and she just wants to HELP and they’re like “ok fine” so tiff trains nell and viola: batgirl!

this is all good until some OTHER punk with a tire iron shows up and dares to try and jack the tires off the batmobile??? wtf kid??

so bruce, obviously, adopts him, because duke and damian and nell and sorta-tim aren’t enough kids, apparently, and jason for a while doesn’t really have a secret identity? he just trains w duke or tim and hangs out with tiff

then tim quits robin and jason’s like “now’s my Time” and he becomes robin

tim’s a little bummed but he gets over it because jason’s so happy and tim doesn’t want to deprive his brother friend from happiness!

jason’s barely robin for 2 months before there’s a run in with you-know-who and jason’s pretty sure he can take him, or at least hold him over until bruce gets there, but bruce is too late. 

jason is dead and its all bruce’s fault and everything is awful and--

--and someone calling themselves cluemaster is in town

bruce freaks out because the cluemaster person is a girl and who is she what’s going on--

then she reveals herself and stephanie is ALIVE and that’s his daughter and she’s angry but willing to listen and bruce asks how she could POSSIBLY call herself cluemaster

“i picked the name that hurt the most,” she answered, and bruce started to cry

steph doesn’t. come back. but she doesn’t NOT come back. she moves in with damian and takes on spoiler again and she tries to talk to bruce & all the new people in her family

including the new-new batgirl, who followed nell home one day and asked without words to train her. cass lives with tiff & she loves nell and tiff and steph and duke and tim and all her siblings and bruce adopts her and she cries

some random other robin shows up and everyones like !!!!!! until he shows up in wayne manor like “waddup everyone im here” and it’s JASON and everyone’s coming back to life and bruce is like, the Peak Happiest he’s ever been

...so to celebrate he takes the gang on down to the circus

he hears the opening act is quite famous

apparently the acrobats to a stunt without a net under them

bruce is sure this will be a real treat