#Also i have a surgery inspired art piece i want to do. So get excited for that. Or not. Might take a while…

[anthonysbabygirl]

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[mademoisellehypergamy]

✨ CREATING A PERSONA FOR HYPERGAMY & SOCIAL CLIMBING  ✨

The votes are in and “Persona” won! Ladies, get the notebooks out. Class is in session. And this is gonna be a long one.

Be honest with me: Are you currently your ideal woman? The majority of you will probably answer honestly and say no. And there’s nothing wrong with admitting that. The harsh reality is most women on their hypergamous journey aren’t even close to being the ideal woman they aspire to be. Hell, the average woman (hypergamous or not) will probably live her life never being able to become that woman, if we’re being completely honest here.

I believe every hypergamous woman should create and adopt a persona. You are who you believe to be. When I was younger, my teachers and parents told me I was academically gifted. So guess what? I believed the same! That pushed me to work even harder in school. Same concept applies here. You are who you believe to be. A persona isn’t a “fake” version of you. It is you. Your ideal person. It is malleable, so it can change at anytime. Just like you changed throughout your life.

STEP 0 - WHY YOU SHOULD ADOPT A PERSONA

✨Not Everyone Will Win the Birth Lottery. But that doesn’t mean you can’t rewrite your past, and repave your future path. Let’s face it: some of you were born into bad circumstances; abusive families, poverty, toxic relationships, obstacles and barriers, etc. And some of you are living lives currently that you aren’t satisfied with: stressful job, health issues, bad environment, *insert sob story here*, blah, blah, blah, woe is me!  But should your current and past conditions get in the way of your hypergamous journey? No! Absolutely not. 

✨You Can’t Be the Same Basic B*tch Forever. Okay b*tch, when you were being “true to yourself” in the past, look where it got you. Probably in a less than favorable situation. Congratulations for being an authentic basic b*tch! 🥳😊

Ladies, change is necessary. When you started your hypergamous journey, you underwent a change. Are you saying your hypergamous self is fake? Of course it isn’t! It’s still you, just an “elevated you”. One that is more aware and knows what she wants. 

✨ Most People Don’t Even Know Who TF They Are. It’s sad, but true. Most people are lost and suppressing their true desires and personality. I’m here encouraging you ladies to create your ideal persona and to become this woman. Because this woman is who you are deep inside, who you want to be. Stop hiding her! Create her, and become her! As long as this person isn’t harming anyone, there is no reason you shouldn’t chase your dream self.

STEP 1 - CHOOSE & CREATE YOUR PERSONA

This is the fun part ladies! Time to choose and create your new persona!

✨ What Kind of Woman Do You Aspire to Be?  Have fun with this ladies! What kind of woman have you always dreamt of becoming? Is she wildly intelligent and beautiful? Or perhaps she has a heart of gold and is adored by all?  Nothing is off limits. This is you.

For those of you who are truly struggling, below I have included a few examples of common personas. If you don’t know where to begin, choose one as the “foundation” and build on it. Make it your own!

*Disclaimer: Anyone that I mentioned/included below is simply for inspiration. Not all of these women are hypergamous. This is just for inspiration*

1. The Socialite/ The “It” Girl: This is the girl that everyone knows. She’s always at a party with a glass of champagne, wearing the latest styles, and living the BEST life. She’s glamorously unattainable and few have access to her, but somehow she’s a part of every social circle.

Inspiration: Jamie Chua (https://www.instagram.com/ec24m/)

2. The Traveler: This is the girl that travels constantly. Whether it’s across the globe or to a different state/town, she’s always on the go! No one seems to know how she funds her lifestyle because she always appears to be traveling and never working. Her pictures are always on point and high quality, with a combination of bikini pictures, relaxing scenery, exotic foods, and endless hotels.

Inspiration: Jennifer Tuffen (https://www.instagram.com/izkiz/)

3. The Influencer: Think of the ultimate Instagram Baddie; perfect body (usually because of surgery), full lips, carefully applied makeup, nails always done, hair on point. She is sponsored by all the clothes brands, and lives lavishly. She’s always out at a restaurant and traveling. Typically dresses in more revealing clothes/lots of bikinis.  What differentiates her from the Socialite? The degree of elegance and class. While the Socialite gives you an “heiress” vibe, the Influencer is more on the “flashy celebrity” side.

Inspiration: Kaylar Will (https://www.instagram.com/kaylarwill/)

4. Femme Fatale: She rarely posts on social media, but when she does, it only makes you question her existence more. This girl is beautifully sensual, and her social media only reveals bits and pieces of her life. She is an entire mystery, no one knows about her private life. One day she’ll be flying from London, the next she’ll be visiting an art gallery  She’ll sometimes post images of gifted roses with poetry captions. She oozes seduction and dark mystery. 

Inspiration: Dita Von Teese (https://www.instagram.com/ditavonteese) Now I thought long and hard about who to choose for this one, and if you take a moment to look at Dita’s IG account, you will understand why. You will notice that the ONLY thing she posts about is her clothes/lingerie brand or things relating to business. She reveals nothing about her personal life. Every post is promotion about her business. In fact, the last time she posted something about her “life” was on October 8th when she posted her CAT modeling another designer’s scarf. She’s a very discreet woman, and it works in her favor.

5. Girl Next Door: You know that basic b*tch that’s SUPER popular for no reason? This is her. From her Starbucks to her Tiktoks, she’s just your average girl living her life. In a way, she isn’t a threat because she seems approachable, relatable, and friendly enough through social media. Something about her aspires others that they can achieve a similar lifestyle. She’s terribly basic, but somehow, it works. 

Inspiration: Loren Gray (https://www.instagram.com/loren/)

6. Exotica: *This persona is best suited for women of color* She is exotically beautiful and unique. She is a trendsetter, not a follower. She has an air of heightened sexuality, with a touch of grounded-spirituality. Something about her is wild and untamed, and she oozes excitement and adventure. 

Inspiration: Monica Leon, or “Danger”. Now if you’re in my generation, you may remember the reality show “For the Love of Ray J” (which was ghetto btw💀). To this day, one girl that I will NEVER forget on that show, was “Danger”, the girl with the tiger tattoo on her face and that NO ONE liked, but Ray J was obsessed with. Although she no longer is on Instagram (and has since legally changed her name), I still believe she naturally embodied that exotic and mysterious woman persona. I recommend watching the show for free on Youtube just to observe her (and only her because the other women were pickme’s  💀)

7. The Luxurious Diamond: This woman is the epitome of class and elegance. She exudes femininity and grace, and holds an air of mystery by only showing us bits and pieces of her life. What we see is soft luxuries, wineries, beautiful clothes/scenery, and a life of comfort. She balances a mature, elegant, ladylike presence, with subtle girly-youthfulness. 

Inspiration: Г-жа Анисимова   https://www.instagram.com/creme_de.la_femme/

✨How Does She Look Like? From her hair to how she wears her makeup, be able to create a vivid description of her appearance. Being able to do this will show you where to work on with your current appearance.

✨Personality We all have traits about ourselves that we don’t like. This is your chance to identify your traits that you love and maximize them, while also working on the aspects of your personality that are a bit more problematic.

It’s important to recognize that some “negative” traits are not really negative. Society just shames us for them. For example, “The Socialite” persona may be polite, but that doesn’t mean she’s super open and friendly with everyone. Not everyone is her friend, and she is naturally unattainable. So why would she be super friendly to everyone? Some may call her “standoffish”, but I call it “selective”.

✨Past Self? Not a Problem.  So let’s say you had a less than perfect childhood and endured a lot of trauma. Not a problem, just reinvent your past! Now I’m not saying to straight up lie and make up a crazy story about how you grew up with billionaire parents and traveled the globe. I’m saying adopt a realistic story that’ll help you on your journey. 

For example, if your date were to ask about your past, instead of telling him how tragic your childhood was and how you were homeless and abused by your parents, and no longer have a relationship with them, you can say: “I moved around a lot as a child (“homelessness”), so I really enjoyed being able to interact with a lot of different people (make the negative seem positive). My parents still move around a lot, so it’s hard for us to meet (explains why you aren’t in contact with your parents). 

Reword and reframe, ladies. Not everyone needs to know everything.

STEP 2 - BRING HER TO LIFE

✨Remove. You cannot embrace your new persona, your new IDENTITY, if you are still stuck in the past. And that includes past connections that do not serve you. Some of your old friends (college friends, childhood friends, etc.) are not meant to accompany you on this journey. And that’s OKAY. Same with other toxic relationships in your life, family included. You will have to decide who to keep, and who to distance yourself from.

✨ Social Media! I’ve mentioned this in an earlier post, but social media is the easiest way for you to push your new persona. You control the content that goes on your social media, so even if you haven’t fully embodied your new persona, you can sure as hell fake it on social media. 

- Unless your persona is a socialite/influencer type, avoid posting too often. - Be consistent; if you retouch your images, make sure its consistent with all your photos. - Be mindful of what people tag you in/post about you. You know that “friend” who always posts the ugliest pictures of you? Yeah. They’re not your friend, hun. 

✨Dress. The. Part. Okay, sis. You can have the personality down perfectly, but if the look doesn’t match, no one will buy it. Your look is the first thing people notice, so invest in it. It doesn’t cost a lot, especially with fast fashion sites like Shein that sells clothes for $5. Just be able to keep up the appearance.

✨ Immerse Yourself in the Environment.  Looking the part and having the right personality is not enough, ladies! It wouldn’t make sense for you to be a “Socialite” sharing pictures of you eating at Red Lobster and Olive Garden every night. It wouldn’t make sense for the “Traveler” persona to share only bathroom selfies in her apartment. You have to live like the woman you aspire to be, and that includes placing yourself in those environments.

If you are not in the place financially to do so, learn to project the image without spending money. Ex: If you can’t afford to go to Hawaii, go to your local beach and take bomb ass pictures. Don’t tag the location. People will automatically see a beach in your picture and assume you are on vacation traveling. Get creative, ladies. 

✨You Owe Them Nothing. Ladies! Remember you don’t owe anyone anything. Not an explanation, not your time, nothing. So if you are living this new persona and people are asking questions you don’t want to answer: don’t. This is your life. 

STEP 3 - YOUR PERSONA WHILE DATING HYPERGAMOUSLY & SOCIAL CLIMBING

So now that you have created your ideal persona, and taken the steps to incorporate it into your life, how can you use your newfound persona to aid you on your hypergamous journey and while social climbing?

✨Infiltrate New Circles. Your persona should be someone exciting and enticing. People love befriending people who are happy and adventurous. Use your persona to befriend others and enter new social circles. You can do this through: - Social media; follow similar accounts to yours and interact with them. - Activities related to your persona; Let’s say you adopted the “The Luxurious Diamond” persona and started visiting wineries. You may notice when you go that there are regulars; identify the regulars and use your common interest of wine to strike a conversation. -Interest groups; join clubs/groups that help you reach your goals. For example, “The Traveler” may have always wanted to travel to Bali, but didn’t want to go alone. She joins a travel group to meet other likeminded inviduals and meets a travel buddy. This person ends up introducing her to others who also enjoy traveling.

✨ Be a Chameleon. You should  never be set on just one persona. Like I said earlier, your persona should always be malleable. You should be able to change yourself to your benefit, and always be open to expansion. When it comes to dating, a man may “want” a certain type of woman, but the secret is that most men just want a woman who is open to possibilities.  I remember a man who used to be on my roster who loved music. This man was always insisting on taking me to operas and symphonies. And he too was a musician (I really don’t like dating musicians, but that’s a topic for another day), so whenever he was performing he would have me sitting in the box so I’d have an “undisturbed” experience.  Now ladies, I’m not into music AT ALL.  But I was open and willing, and guess what? The man adored it, and he adored me even more! He spoiled me like crazy and would serenade me with music he wrote about me because I was his “muse”. Although I ended up ghosting him, I definitely appreciate a good opera now! 

✨Be Larger than Life to Entice. The attractive part about these personas is the fact that it feels almost fake. The image that is portrayed is almost mythical, like something out of a fantasy. You can’t believe this girl is traveling so much, or you can’t believe this girl still has a social life in the middle of a pandemic! It’s unbelievable, but that’s what makes us so intrigued. Men especially love fantasy. That’s why many men have a “dream girl”, a woman that embodies their physical and emotional fantasies. They love the impossible. It’s also important to remember that you are always being watched. People see you, whether in person or on social media, and when they see someone or something more interesting than their mundane life, curiosity will get the best of them. They’ll be drawn to you and want to know you.

✨ The Persona Advantage. Creating a persona is supposed to help your journey. The purpose is to reinvent yourself into someone who will help you better navigate your hypergamous life.  For example, if you are trying to get into more exclusive, affluent circles, creating a persona who is skilled in social and dining etiquette would be more beneficial than a persona that’s an Instagram Influencer. Being an Instagram Baddie that wears Fashion Nova won’t help you at a Charity Gala. So be sure to think of what you desire in life to shape yourself into that. Don’t just become someone who won’t get you to where you want to be. 

This post will definitely have a Part 2 in the future, but in conclusion: You can be whoever you want to be as long as you play the role. Be an actress in your own life, and live the life you desire.

Well ladies, I’ll be away for Valentine’s day weekend. Wishing you all a wonderful and safe weekend ❤️ Lots of love.

Follow my IG for more: @mademoisellehypergamy

[here4theheartbreak]

Sometimes I fall to pieces Just to see what bits of me don't fit 'Cause I when I stand oh those folks will run And tell the tales of what I've become They'll speak of me, oh in whispered tones And say my name like it shakes their bones

For an uneventful few months, I feel like it’s been wildly busy! I’m doing well though - figuring out what fits/what doesn’t, as it were, and pulling myself together into a healthier self.

It’s my spring cleaning weekend, so I decided that now would be a good time to clean up some stuff virtually too, and make some general update posts. Not a whole lot of note is going on; still working, dealing with kiddo at home, etc.

I haven’t been writing much (i.e. at all) for the past few months, so once I finish publishing my current ongoing fic (it’s already finished, just spacing chapter publication) I may end up going on a hiatus from writing. I’m not leaving the fandom or anything, just haven’t been super inspired by any ideas and I have no idea how to push that writing must into action.

But I am doing other forms of art/creation - such as the sculpture things I’ve been posting now and again on my blog. I’ve also gotten into making junk journals, I think that’s super fun and would like to try and make one or two inspired by the groups I like. Who knows. In the next few weeks I’ll post the first one I made, I’m super proud of it. I have an appt in a few weeks to meet with a surgeon for carpal tunnel surgery though - the downside to doing these sculpture related things is that all the fine motor skills needed has served to worsen the condition of my wrists (which were already not great due to excessive computer work/typing and video gaming for hours on end.) But I’m hoping the surgery will resolve it; doing any sort of miniature work/crafting is impossible with a brace (and typing isn’t super easy either).

On a personal transition related front, I have an appointment with a doctor in September to discuss my next transition related surgery (a hysterectomy). I’m excited to move it along, and as of now this’ll be my last surgery unless I decide to go forward with bottom surgery (still researching/undecided for now).

Though a minor surgery compared to top surgery, which changed my outward appearance, it’s still one I’ve been looking forward to for a long time. For the obvious bonus of no more goblin parasite risk (I love my kid, I just never ever want another one 😂) but also just the general benefit of decreasing that warring hormone in my body. Once it’s gone I’ll hopefully be able to decrease my T dosage a smidgen, which should help with some of the negative side effects of T that I’ve had over the years (hair loss, etc). But we’ll see - Consult first, then moving forward.

On a less positive transition note - I learned that a Montana judge put an (albeit temporary) injunction to block the anti-trans law the gop put in place to make it harder for us to change the gender marker on our birth certificates. Unfortunately, even with that blockade in place, the department is proving just how horrifically transphobic and cruel a conservative state can be and now refusing to issue birth certificate gender marker changes to trans folks entirely. They’d honestly rather be held in contempt of court than to give a transgender person any rights 😂 - I will be curious to see if the plaintiff’s legal team comes back and attempts to get the gov’t to comply in some way. I’m upset about it, but not personally; even with the new more anti-trans rules I acknowledge that I had the requirements met, but I’m upset for those that can’t meet those requirements, so I hope that something can be done about it.

Well, I don’t want to end on an upsetting note! So, I’m super excited about Astro’s new comeback; it’s meant to be out in a little over a week and looks like it’ll be such a fun summer album. I pre-ordered all of the versions already 🙈 And then BTS’ new songs, I’m curious to hear what they’ve done - I hope they’ll be good. I’ll end up pre-ordering that album as well when I get paid.

Which reminds me I need to go through all my kpop merch and start culling it down 😅 - get rid of the merch I don’t love/don’t need/want and sell it. So, if anyone is interested, I can post my Mercari page once I get stuff listed.

But. That’s about it going in my life - just a jumble of work and other dull adulting stuff. I hope all of you are doing well and doing your best to enjoy your lives. Remember that you can’t always stop bad things from happening, but you can hold tight to the good when it comes, and even a sliver of joy - no matter how thin - is something to keep going for.

[luvdsc]

Hi Cat (i hope it's okie if i call you Cat 👉🏻👈🏻)! I hope you're doing well! :3 It's Tam once again w some updates UwU

I had a discussion w my supervisor last week and submitted my draft for the Ethics Review Board (ERB) to my supervisor last week soooo yay!! 🥳 just waiting for her to review the draft before we officially submit it to the ERB, I'm hoping it's all good and that there aren't major issues ToT

Aside from that it was free & easy last week after having experienced hell month * - * hehe also I'm going for my vaccination tmr!! (First dose) AHHHH but it's a day before my finals for economic psychology so let's hope it proceeds well too ToT

I left some replies under the previous post but I'll also summarise here keke:

Huhu honestly I doubt I would've had a topic had I not read August :/ my back up topics were either not feasible cuz of complicated measurements or it had too lil studies 😭 ngl i panicked a lil cuz what if I couldn't come up w topic in time ? 🥺😭 I'd face penalties and it'd rly slow down my thesis process huhu so I'm glad this topic was born ToT super ultra grateful 🥺💖😭

This study is pretty novel as there's no prior research has linked these 2 variables together so it's a big gap in itself! I'll have to conduct surgery and piece past literature tgt to create a big narrative in this research topic, so yup there are studies to back me up just needs a lil extra work, innovation and ice cream 😙 it's def more fruitful than my other backup topic that literally, just had 1 study in existence though, I aborted ship immediately ._.

The current sem I'm in is a short sem! Huhu that's why things have been a lil more hectic and crazy, esp w thesis :/ doesn't help that our batch got 2 of the heaviest subjects tgt in a short semester + everything was due tgt towards the end of the sem too (2-3 weeks ago) so it was draining :( but I'm glad we got over this phase and now I'll just have to sit for 1 final paper and I'm done w sem 2! :3

My oral defense went smoothly too! Super glad i didn't have to defend myself too much * lowers gun of defenses * it was more on clarifying the direction of my theoretical framework (TF), my co-marker advised me to ensure clarity & coherence when I actually write my paper and my supervisor's comments were just on seeking further clarification for the scoring of the scale and my theoretical framework! Yays to this hehe UwU

Also IT'S A MUST TO INCLUDE YOU IN THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS 🥺 you've inspired me through yr writing and 10k words in one sitting? THAT'S MY THESIS RIGHT THERE :O

Thankiew for yr kind words and showing so much love and support in my thesis journey!! 🥺💖😫 this motivates me to WORK HARD AND GET THAT HD (a distinction (D) is fine too 🥺) for my thesis huhu 🥺😭

hi, honey bee !!!! 💕 i'm so sorry about the delayed response, i wasn't able to see my later messages in my inbox on the app since it only shows the first ten or so for some reason ?? and yes, it's absolutely okay to call me cat, lovebug! 🌸 i'm doing good, and i hope you're doing good and enjoying your weekend 💘

i saw your most recent message and omg big congrats that your supervisor approved and you got to send it off to the ERB, sweetpea !!!!! 🥳🥳💟 i'm so proud of you :')

alkfhdalkjsd i hope these past few weeks have been kinder to you!! how was the first dose? did you experience any symptoms? have you gotten the second dose already? and omg how did your econ psych final go? :o

i'm so sorry, i didn't see your replies, honey bee 😭 i think it might've gotten lost in my notifications especially since i went mia for a couple weeks 😅

oh goodness, then i'm so so glad that you were able to come up with a topic after reading august, lovebug 🥺💖 what were your back up topics if you don't mind me asking? and i feel that tho 😭 i didn't know what i wanted to do for my final art pieces and panicked a bit because i needed to submit my ideas for it too 🤧

omg that sounds like so much work, but also researching is so much fun when it's for a topic you actually enjoy?? plus, psychology studies are so interesting to read !! i love reading up on those sm 💕 how has the research been going for you? (also, what's your favorite ice cream flavor? 👀) and i'm glad to hear that there's more studies to back it up compared to your previous topic omg only 1 study...... rip

wait what's a short sem? :o i thought most semesters are like aug - dec and then jan - may? oh god, this makes me suddenly grateful that i'm no longer in college because i remember the grind that happens in the last few weeks when everything is due 😭 i'm glad to hear that it's over for you now though !!

omg i'm so happy to hear that your oral defense went well too!!! this is so interesting to hear all about your thesis process, like i never had to do this, and it's so cool to learn about what other majors do :o

PLS IT IS AN HONOR THAT YOU WOULD INCLUDE ME IN YOUR ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS, THANK YOU SO SO MUCH 😭😭💖 this is my greatest accomplishment ever🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️

and omg of course, honey bee !!!! i'll be your biggest cheerleader like i'm so so excited to hear about your thesis and everything, and thank you for letting me be a part of your thesis journey 🥺🥺 YOU WILL GET THE HD 😤 I BELIEVE IN YOU !!!! i'm so proud of you for working so hard and doing so well 💜 but also pls make sure to take breaks and have some time for yourself too !! self care is important !! 🌷🌷

[daughterofelros]

‘rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world. tag as many writers/artists/etc as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I was tagged by @ober-affen-geil  and @ninswhimsy-- Thank you so much! I’m pretty excited about the things I’ve been working on in RNM Fandom. I’m still early in finishing/posting a lot of my fic, but I’ve got a few under my belt, and I’m proud of all of them so far! 1.) Space Cowboy -- This Malex fic is the longest that I’ve posted in the fandom. It took on a life of its own very early on in the writing process-- it started as a song-inspired fic that would end with a kiss and be about 1500 words long. Several thousand words later, these boys were making grilled cheese, cuddling, and very carefully not kissing. Someone asked about Alex returning the spaceship piece, and I said I’d write one more chapter in the future about that. Another 18 thousand words later, the boys were in a VERY different place, and taking so long to get to breakfast (by way of Alex’s shower), I thought the Crashdown might close before they got there.  2.) We’ll Meet Again -- This is one of many fics that I wrote for the Alteraroswell2020 event...but the only one that I finished in that week and actually posted yet (I ended up making 2000+ masks for my community during that week, and didn’t have time for editing). This one is a WWII AU where Alex and Michael are in different branches of the military and meet at a hotel bar in Milwaukee that is known to cater to queer clientele. They share a night, and vow they’ll meet again. A lot of the background knowledge for writing this fic came from a yet-unposted Steve/Bucky fic (Bucky’s basic training was at Camp McCoy in WI, which is a big part of why I have a ton of research about pre-Stonewall Milwaukee). Also, I know a ridiculous amount about queer history of this era, and talking to me for too long will invariably end with me telling you things you never even thought to inquire about. Apologies in advance. 3.) There’s Got to Be a Morning After -- This is a Malexa fic that is an unabashedly positive portrayal of waking up the morning after the 2x06 airstream scene. I’m Poly, and seeing three characters explore a path that isn’t grounded in cruelty and possession and toxic jealousy-- even just for a single night-- was really, really beautiful to me. I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea, so it’s cool if this is one you don’t want to check out. But if you like subtly sweet moments and mornings-after, then it might be right up your alley. I’m proud to have written it because positivity matters to me, and I wanted to be able to share a positive take. 4.) Good, Good, Now We’re Making Some Progress -- This is the first fic I wrote in RNM Fandom-- It’s a Malex fic written during the hiatus, so it’s only canon-compliant with Season 1. It’s near and dear to my heart because it’s where I developed a LOT of my headcanons around Alex’s prosthesis (seriously, the amount of research I did just to write like...a sentence about taking it off is objectively ridiculous). But it was important to me to get some of this set in my own head because I have multiple immediate family members who are BK (below the knee) amputees. Getting details on this reasonably right matters to me because I remember being there during their surgeries and rehab, and being a caretaker for them...but the nuances of their experiences have some substantial differences from Alex’s, and technology is moving pretty fast. The options and procedures for prosthetics have changed so much between 1997, 2001, and 2007 when my family was living this most directly, and then again in the decade or more since. (In essence, it mattered to me that Alex have more current technology for his prosthesis than what was available to 75-year-old Retired PE teachers when Alex  was 2 years old).

5.) This last one is a Meta that I wrote about the 2x06 airstream scene, and why I loved it. It doesn’t have to be your thing, and having a different perspective is okay-- but in this house of queer folks who are sexual assault survivors, domestic abuse survivors, folks with trauma and folks living with PTSD, we felt SEEN by the scene, and saw it positively. For an explanation of why I personally felt that way, feel free to click the link. If that’s not something that’s likely to bring you joy, it’s totally cool to pass on by and read some of my stuff that might be more along the lines of what you like!

6- Bonus.) There’s another thing I’m really proud of and will probably post this weekend, and I’ll try to remember to update this post for posterity. We giggle every time someone in RNM says “We’re closed!”...so my husband and I made a supercut of all the times it’s happened so far, and once we’re finished captioning the video, I’ll post it!

If you’ve been tagged and it got buried in your inbox while you’re meaning to get to it, consider yourself tagged again...and if if you haven’t seen yourself tagged but think it’s a cool idea and want to do it, YOU are tagged! Go for it! please bring more positive energy into the world!

[dayenurose]

A little while back @deadhermiteyes posted a lovely piece of Dick/Babs fan art she drew. (View it here! It really is lovely). And she happened to mention that she’d like it if someone would write something based off of it. Which, in turn, kick-started my writing brain and I was inspired to write this piece.

A couple of quick notes… The artist captioned her picture with the line: “We used to leave the galas and come here all the time when we were kids, Dick. They’re gonna find us!” I have included it in the story (with a minor edit). All credit for that line goes to her.

Also, she mentioned wanting something angsty, so there is angst.

[Read on ao3]

Enjoy…

Moving On

The gala was in full swing. Photo ops had been snapped and sound bites gathered. The charity had been praised—a foundation supporting adult literacy programs—and the family thanked for their continuing support. Especially in these trying times.... The evening had marched on at a maddening slow pace until Dick didn’t think he could stand another moment of this farce. Then, as it had always been the case since he was a child, there was a moment when the crowd ceased to pay attention to him and he might as well have been invisible. Taking advantage of this lapse of attention, Dick slipped away from the gala and made good his escape. He had a few minutes before he would be missed.

Leaving the party behind, Dick made his way to the roof. The access door shut behind him on groaning hinges, leaving him alone in the blissful silence of the rooftop garden. Listlessly he meandered along the path which wound in and out of various garden patches, while his thoughts wandered a less steady way.  

They had convinced him to come tonight. They had told him it was time, that this was important, but the gala had been too much. Too many people with too many questions. He had to get away. Even if it was only for a moment. Closing his eyes, he breathed deeply and took in the cool night air heavy with the promise of rain. This he missed.

From this perspective, high over the city, Dick felt more at home than he did when he was on the ground below, mingling with people he scarcely knew. Playing a role and moving on. He hated that phrase. That was all anyone said to him anymore.

Dick sat along the low retaining wall, confident he would not fall despite being six stories above the ground. Shrugging out of his jacket and loosening his tie, he abandoned both on the ledge beside him. They were strangling him. He could barely breathe as it was. He needed...he needed her.

It had been too long since he’d taken to the rooftops. He couldn’t, not anymore. It would be foolish, irresponsible. He wouldn’t.  

Still, Dick could taste the freedom which leaping off rooftops and gliding through the air had always granted him before. It had been too long since he felt like the “daring young man on the flying trapeze.” Oh, how she used to tease him.

Shaking his head as though it were possible to clear his brain of the unwanted thoughts. Too many memories clung to his shoulders —clipped his wings and pinioned him to the ground. The wind bit through the thin silk of his shirt and ruffled his hair. Tomorrow, he told himself, I’ll go back on the trapeze tomorrow. From there, maybe things would look brighter. It had helped in the past. He just needed this tonight.

Retrieving the device from his jacket pocket, Dick turned it over and over again in his hands. He shouldn’t be doing this. He promised....

With a click, Dick turned on the device, set it on the ledge and waited.

“Dick? Are you up here?” Babs’ voice rang through the otherwise silent night. It was too close, while at the same time being far too distant.

Hesitating for only a moment, Dick pushed himself to his feet and stood as still as stone. He shouldn’t be doing this. He shouldn’t be here. He needed to stop living in the past.

“Dick, where are you? This isn’t funny.” Despite the rebuke in her words, there was amusement in her voice.

He didn’t rush to her as had once been his custom. Instead he stayed his mark. If he wanted this, he needed to stay here. To endure the wait, Dick closed his eyes and breathed deeply. No matter what he tried, he couldn’t quite fill his lungs.

“There you are, Hunk Wonder,” Babs called as she rounded the corner of the path. Her movements were slow and a bit awkward. After the experimental spinal surgery started to fail, she had good days and bad ones. More often than not, she spent most of her time in her wheelchair than not. But, for this occasion, she’d felt up to walking.

“Yeah, here I am.” His voice almost sounded normal. Not that she would notice one way or the other.

Dick opened his eyes and openly stared at Babs, drinking in every detail. Her smile lit up her face and a teasing glimmer sparked in her green eyes. At the sight of her, his heart raced in his chest. His expression softened and his lips curled into a smile. This...he needed this.

Her eyes. They sparked with more excitement than they usually did when they met for these secret assignations. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

Dick grinned. “I needed to get away for a moment.”

“I know. Me too. No matter how many times we do this, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to all this hobnobbing.” The breeze caught at her hair as she pulled out the pins and allowed the long locks to tumble about her shoulders. The loose braid which had formally accented the updo was quickly lost amid the red curls. She massaged her temples and exhaled a sigh of relief. “That feels better.”

He wanted to run his fingers through her hair, but held back.

Taking a step closer, she shivered and ran a hand over her bare arms. “It’s getting too cold for rooftop meetings.”

“But the view is gorgeous.” His gaze followed the deep v neckline of her dark charcoal dress.

A rosy flush coloured her pale cheeks as she followed the progression of his hungry gaze.  “Dick, not here. We used to leave the galas and come here all the time when we were kids. They’re gonna find us!”

“We have a few minutes before anyone will miss us,” he mumbled. Spinning her around so her back pressed against his front, Dick wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close, interlacing their fingers. The pose wasn’t as easy or as comfortable, as it had once been. His left arm traced down the length of hers until he captured her hand in his. He tried ignore the missing cool metal of her wedding band. Babs giggled, the joy effusing every ounce of her being.

“The gardens look lovely. You did a great job.” Though he was trying to distract her from the cold and the thoughts of discovery, Dick truly meant the compliment. Babs had helped create this little haven of green in their city. Each of the half dozen or so plots contained a different colorful and fragrant offering.

Never one to forget the hardships of the No Mans Land quarantine, Babs had insisted they include vegetables among the gardens. There were tomatoes and peppers. Heads of lettuce and kale. Zucchini vines snaked their way through the neat rows.

Not far from where he stood now, a small patch of wild flowers grew nearby, offering a colorful bounty of flowers. A trio of beehives nestled among the daisies, clovers, and a myriad of other flowers he couldn’t name. The bee were quiet in the deepening night, though in the morning the buzz of an active hive would begin anew.

Closing his eyes, he dipped his head and tried to prolong the moment. Breathing deeply, he inhaled rose and lavender. The scent he loved—the one he longed for—was missing. Long gone was the subtle, sweet scent of vanilla. Babs had once admitted she preferred a perfume with a touch of vanilla. It reminded her of the old books she loved. She’d explained the chemistry—as the paper broke down, it carried the scent of vanillin. Her passion for books was one of the many things he loved about her. He could not count the number...

“Dick,” Babs’ voice interrupted his runaway thoughts. “I’ve got something to tell you.”

“Mmhmm,” Dick managed to choke around the lump in his throat, no longer able to pretend everything was okay. No longer able to stick to the script. Babs continued as though he had never missed his cue. He opened his eyes to see her face, needing to see it one more time.

Who was he kidding? Once more would never be enough. Her green eyes are bright with all the potential of bright tomorrows. She flickered in his arms.

“Dick...”

The access door creaked, breaking the moment before she could share the news.

“Daddy? Are you up here?”

Dick started. The image of Babs flickered again as he stumbled back and scrambled for the projector from its place on the ledge. He flicked it off, leaving him once again alone.  

“Annie, I’m back here.” Dick dabbed at his eyes with his handkerchief, though he couldn’t hide the red. He didn’t mind if his daughter saw the telltale signs of his tears. After all, It’s okay to cry, had become a near mantra around their home since Babs’ death six months ago. Over that span of time he had cried enough to fill the oceans of the world several times over.

No, he didn’t mind if she found him crying. Rather the problem was that once she located him, his time alone would be over. They would need to rejoin the gala. Once more he would be subject to the pitying glances, the uncomfortable silences, and—God forbid—the empty condolences. People were beginning to move from the ‘I understand, take all the time you need’ to the ‘Why aren’t you over this yet?’.  

Their extended family was better, but none of them knew how to help Dick and his children grieve. They couldn’t adopt the family’s usual method for dealing with loss. Cancer left no enemies to beat up. No mystery to solve, no justice to enact. Death’s revolving door stayed firmly shut this time. He was no Orpheus able to charm open the gates of Hades.

Annie found him exactly where he had stood. She clutched a book in her hands, grasping the spine until her knuckles turned white. Allowing her to bring a book was the only way he could get her to come. Behind her glasses, wide, lost eyes searched the gardens. She ran the last few feet to him and threw her arms around his waist in an embrace. With her face pressed into his shirt, it was hard to hear her amid the muffled sniffles. “I was scared when I couldn’t find you. I thought I lost you too.”

“I’m sorry sweetheart.” Dick gathered his daughter in his arms and held her to his chest. It hurt to look at her. She was so much like her mother with her bright red hair and the liberal sprinkling of freckles. Annie had his eyes—the shape and colour—but he always thought they shone with the same bright curiosity which had been Babs’. Before his legs gave way, Dick sank down to the ledge and resisted the urge to break down in sobs. He needed to be strong for her.

When Annie’s sniffling ceased, Dick relaxed his embrace. Annie slipped out of his arms. A Grayson through and through, his ten year old daughter showed no fear as she sat on the ledge beside him. Her leg bounced in an unsteady rhythm. Resting her head against his arm, they sat in silence listening for the hum of the traffic below.

“Where’s Henry?” Breaking the silence, Dick asked after her twin brother, the two were scarcely seen without the other. He slipped his jacket back on, but left off the tie.

Between all his siblings, Steph, Alfred, Bruce, and Jim—Dick and Babs had never worried about their children at events like these. With the training ingrained into each of them from their nights working together to keep Gotham safe, his family watched over his children. It was almost uncanny how the children passed from one set of watchful eyes to another without the explicit need to organize the process. But, like everything since Babs had died, that too seemed broken. She had held their little world together. When they had Oracle’s all seeing gaze watching their backs, the extended family’s self-appointed mission felt a little bit safer, a little more possible. Now, the Clocktower was empty, the Oracle was silenced.

A sob hitched in his chest. He pulled Annie close and held her tight.

Annie shrugged. “There’s too many people here, so he left with Aunt Cass. Grandpa Bruce knows...”

“You didn’t want to go with them?” He tried to keep his voice light. He didn’t care if she attended the party or not, just that she was safe.

“I wanted to find you first.” She worried her bottom lip. Silently she ticked off each member of their extended family on her fingers as she mentally recalled their locations.

Dick’s heart ached. His bold, vivacious children had turned quiet, never straying far from each other or family. Annie needed to know where everyone was at all times and Henry couldn’t stand crowds. If they hadn’t inherited Babs’ brilliance, there had been rumblings of holding them back a year in school. Dick was all they had now. He couldn’t be risking his life on a nightly basis. He couldn’t leave them orphans.

Annie picked up the projector and turned it over in her hands. “Is this Mama’s...?”

“Yes,” Dick plucked the device out of her hands. His fingers hovered over the switch. From diagnosis to her death, it had been nearly a year. It was all too short a time, but Babs had never given up hope. Even in her last pain filled days, Babs had never stopped trying to find ways to take care of them all. Trying to extend her reach beyond her passing.

In the time she had left, she and Dick had created the projector. Adapting her training room technology, they had created a way to record memories and play them back in lifelike vignettes. They had started with her memories, then his. It was all they had time for, before it was too late. He was suppose to continue adding stories—and the twins’, and her father’s, Bruce’s, his siblings’, her teams’, everyone whose lives she had touched. There had been so many. Once the collected stories were gathered and woven together, they would have a comprehensive record of Babs’ life.

“I miss Mama.” Annie ran her fingers along the spine of her book. It was the last book Babs had given their daughter. Though Annie carried it with her everywhere, she had yet to read it.

“Would you like to see what I was watching?” It was time to share this memory.

She nodded.

Dick flipped the switch. The image flickered to life (a sick feeling twisted in his stomach at that turn of phrase) and paused where he had left the scenario. This simulacrum of Dick and Babs were so young. Even his daughter noticed the difference. She ran a hand through her dad’s hair, now liberally streaked with grey. He no longer tried to hide the passage of time. Pressing the button again, the memory played from where he left off.

“Dick,” The memory-Babs repeated his name, making certain she had his attention. Their eyes locked and the love was unmistakable. Eager and hopeful. Even back then, he already knew what she was going to say. How could he not? Babs took one last deep breath, before announcing her news with a radiant smile. “I’m pregnant.”

The smile on Dick’s face was as brilliant as the sun. He swooped Babs up in his arms and spun her. When at last he set down his wife, he kept a steadying arm around her waist. Lightly pressing his free hand to her stomach, he leaned in and kissed her.

In the present, Dick allowed the image to linger for a moment before turning off the projector. Tears ran down Annie’s cheeks at the sight of her mama alive and vibrant.

“That’s the night we learned about you and your brother,” Dick murmured into his daughter’s hair, holding her close.

“I wish...I wish she could come back to us,” Annie whispered. “I miss her so much.”  

“So do I sweetheart. So do I.” Dick closed his eyes and breathed in the night. The subtle scent of vanilla was missing. Their world would never be the same. And it wasn’t meant to be. They would go on, somehow. He couldn’t see the way— yet—but he knew they would find it. Together.

[princepestilence]

2019′s “worth it” things.

After last year’s pretty triumphant sweep, this year was twice as hard, I think, and really tested me. Being sick (and still being sick, still waiting for surgery, still wondering if I’ll ever not be sick again even after all this) has been a challenge I didn’t see coming and didn’t know how to handle, and which is weighing on me going forward. But there was still a lot this year that was great and that I want to celebrate, so here it is: 2019 was Still Pretty Good, and Here’s Why.

got knocked down, got back up again: I’ve been variously sick all year, sometimes very badly so and for a long time, and that kind of trounced me and was super awful BUT I got better (emotionally and socially speaking) and was able to turn things around and get some help with pain management and everything and I’m a lot happier now than I was earlier in the year and despite my worries, I’m optimistic about recovery

first major publication: the book I’ve been editing for the last two years or whatever is now a real physical thing people can and will read and I’m in it as editor and that’s really cool and makes me excited about the potential of making a career out of this kind of thing

still have a super cool great girlfriend: it’s two years begin together in March, which is wild, and frankly I’m the luckiest boy in the world and I love her and I’m so happy with her and maybe the wildest part of it all is I genuinely couldn’t imagine sharing this kind of happiness with a person even three years ago. It was beyond comprehension. 

wrote a Dread game: it’s nearly entirely finished (only final touches left) and it’s Actually Pretty Cool, and I’m excited to have a chance to inflict it on play it with some friends in the New Year. I’ve got a real thirst to create more of this kind of content.

use AO3 more: this was one of my resolutions for this year and I would say I knocked this one out of the park most thoroughly of all! I’ve posted something like ten stories since the middle of this year, including some longer pieces and one full on bit of smut (for the first time), and people actually like all of it, which I’m loving. It’s really improved my confidence re: posting things I write, and I’m super keen to create more because of such a warm reception. 

someone did art of my writing: kind of ditto above but how cool! I’m thrilled about it. I realised only yesterday that someone else also did art, so that’s two whole arts inspired by stuff I wrote, which is rocking my world right now. 

learned some cool new card tricks: I really want to make this a regular thing I do, but some is better than none, so I’m happy. It’s so fun being able to do tricks for people. 

left bad relationships: this year I made the decision to leave two (2) significant relationships that were really not good for me. It was hard to do, and sometimes still very hard, but there’s no doubt at all in my mind that it was the right choice and a healthy choice for me. I’ve been a lot better off for not having those people in my life anymore and it’s done a lot for my sense of self-esteem and general self-respect. I’m proud of making this step and removing people who didn’t deserve to be in my life and were taking up space my heart that is better used in loving people who actually treat me well. 

got joy from media: I discovered/got into a ton of new YouTube channels and podcasts that have brought a weekly/fortnightly pattern of media to my life that I really appreciate and enjoy, especially when things were rougher for me and I was home sick a lot earlier in the year. It’s been really nice to make little rituals out of watching these with friends, getting excited on certain days of the week because of New Content. 

a lot of personal growth in general: I like who I am, and I’m proud of how I got here and where I’m going. That’s good. 

grew out my hair really long: and then cut it to a more manageable length when I got exhausted of taking care of it and also it got so long it being that super nice, lion mane aesthetic I so love, so despite the time I took to grow it out, I decided to cut it a little shorter and now I’m happy and have finally had that experience and know for sure this is the length I want it to be. 

got myself a cool microphone: I’ve wanted to do this for ages and I finally did and it’s very cool. I also got myself some other electronics (i.e., new laptop for games and a switch) because I’m allowed to have nice fun things and I’ve played a lot more games because of it, which is honestly really nice and I’m glad. 

saw Jekyll & Hyde for my birthday: with the actual Anthony Warlow in it! It was so good. 

began to deal with some of the thesis problems I’ve been having: my thesis has been maybe the hardest consistent part of my life for the last few years and it’s been in my mind recently that maybe I should just quit it, even though I don’t want to, because it’s such a drain on my mental health and overall well-being. Actually getting help (asking for it, knowing what to ask for, following through) has been part of the challenge. But in the last few months of this year, I’ve worked towards some significant life improvements in this area and made the first major steps towards getting to a better place with this work (and in general, since the issues I’m having aren’t just specific to my thesis). I’m proud of that, even if I’m still very apprehensive about the future. 

[psychedelic-freak-out]

What are you addicted to?

Started with music, then turned to me aggressively smoking pot, tripping way more than I should have, then prescription medications I messed with for a while, getting vicodin for a wrist surgery at 14. When I graduated coke was a big thing in my town, so many people were doing it but most of it is really shitty and just gave me an even stronger urge to do other things. At this point my twin sister had already overdosed on heroin the night of our prom, my dad and I had revived her, but she still struggled with her boyfriend who had been an addict for years at that point. I was so hateful towards hard drugs after that, but I ended up going through a really hard time in my life, dealing with a break up, working two jobs and losing my childhood home all in a short time, I moved in with a guy I had been friends with since I was 14 and he was about 2 years deep into his addiction already. I was almost 19 the first time I tried heroin, and I remember instantly knowing it was a feeling I didnt want to live without. I told myself I could actually moderate it, and I did for awhile. I quit my second job and stayed at the same one for around 3 years actually, functioning on drugs for the better part of a year, keeping it my secret from all but maybe 3 people and the people I met through drugs. That was so dangerous, living life like that in secret. Not to mention everything in MA was quickly turning to fentanyl, which is more addictive than morphine, and way more likely to make you overdose, plus narcan/naloxone doesnt always help- my sister needed like 3 when she OD’d, and I’ve heard of people needing more. H quickly changed me, made me bitter towards anything that wasn’t it, even though it was a constant battle with H itself. I told myself I wasn’t hurting others because they didnt even see me doing the things I did, because “I only stole from stores, not the people I loved”, because addiction will tell you anything to keep you in that animalistic “survival” state as my boyfriend and I call it. But basically about a year into doing harder drugs, one night I made the awful mistake of mixing what my friend told me was “liquid xanax” (basically just research chemicals), H, and alcohol, I went from being out and about with my friend, to waking up starfished on my parents front lawn, my head cracked open from me falling into the front cement stairs, me getting up to greet my parents because I couldn’t even feel my head, let alone realize how messed up I was. My mom literally laid in bed next to me and held me the whole night, and I had no idea until she told me the next morning. A day or so later, I remember I had to work all day and I was going through withdrawals towards the end of the day and of course was freaking out trying to figure out how to pickup. I figure out a plan and my boyfriend at the time who was also my manager at work was gonna bring me home from work that day and I was gonna pull my usual “oh I don’t feel good” or whatever so he’d drop me off and not know what I was up to, but I was stupid when I was stuck in that mindset and I can’t believe I thought I could hide it from him or my parents. I got home to an intervention with him and my parents, and an hour later was on my way to a detox in Boston. Freaking out because I was sick, I chugged the rest of the liquid nightmare stuff, and stumbled my way through my first night of detox, which wasn’t much considering I got there late at night. I remember waking up in so much pain the first day though, and everyone there looking at me like “you don’t look as happy as you did!” and me just thinking “I met you??” and realizing I was all alone in a well-known detox on Mass Ave (one of the worst places for drugs in Boston). It was the scariest and hardest week of my life. I did a methodone detox because I was way too sick and weak to try anything else, and I remember I actually came out of detox sicker than I went in because of it, which only pushed me further into my addict mindset, telling me “suboxone! get on the clinic!”- another wrong choice for me. Medical Assisted Treatment can help so so many people, don’t get me wrong. Like with everything, it depends on the person. Suboxone is a synthetic opiate, basically acting to get rid of physical withdrawal symptoms, and works as a blocker in your brain and makes it so you cannot get high on opiates. I ended up being on the clinic for 6 months which started out great, but soon turned into just another addiction. The clinic prescribed me a way higher dose than I needed, which made it super easy for me to sell or trade the subs for other drugs or cash. Not to mention it was just another thing I had to wake up and take every day, and you get sick if you don’t. Another prescription to fill and pickup weekly, biweekly, monthly. I ended up relapsing and after a few months of not talking, the friend since 14 that I had used with for my first time, and who I tried to help get clean so many times, was finally clean. And it hit me like a ton of bricks- he sounds so amazing, he looks so fucking good, and he sounds like HIMSELF again- the kid I fell in love with SIX years ago, before all the insane shit we went and put ourselves through. It took detoxing in jail for a month and getting put on probation, but the fact that he was THANKFUL for that and looking at this as an opportunity to build a new and even better him, was so inspiring to me. I went from basically the streets and living at dealers houses, to moving back in with him to focus on recovery, and I can’t even begin to explain how rewarding it has been. Recovery will always be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with, but I also have to be honest and say I do not regret doing any of it. Anything and everything can be a learning experience, its just how you look at it and what you do with it. My addiction is once again music and art- I’ve made goals to learn something new everyday, to find new music, to learn lyrics, to get better with my memory. I’m planning my future and it looks so exciting, even though I’ve officially had to start over with NOTHING. My clothes all got stolen and lost, I had sold every bong, pipe, art piece, everything I cared about. I even lost my wallet and social security at one point, and I can’t begin to tell you how awful that felt. But I kept going, and things aren’t rapidly getting better, but I realize you get what you put into things, you have to make the daily decision to want to be better, it doesn’t just happen. And for anyone curious, I did detox from suboxone and my boyfriend and I are full supporters and advocators of VIVITROL/NALTREXONE. There are pills you can take daily, but I highly recommend getting the monthly shot in your ass, because this stuff has the amazing benefit of blocking opiates and making it so you can’t get high, but is completely not addictive or dependable, no physical symptoms occur.Thankyou so much to anyone who takes the time to read this, I’ve been wanting to post something like this for awhile but quite honestly I’ve been trying really hard to focus on myself in order to be able to at all be useful to others lol proud of everyone who woke up today though, and a huge rest in peace to those who might not, and to those I know who haven’t made it. My inbox is always open- I haven’t had my own phone for the better half of a year so I may not answer right away, but I will always try.

[skyblxssom]

Title: Justice never sleeps! Fandom: Ace Attorney Rating: K Word count: 2974

Basically my first attempt at writing something for AA. Recently played through the games all the way to DD, and fell head over heels for Bobby! A lot of the inspiration came from @windmaedchen-aa lovely art, specifically the office baby version cause I’m a sucker for soft interaction.

This piece is chock full of attempts on grasping the characters mixed with my own hearty sprinkling of personal headcanons. Also involves windmaedchen’s OC, Kid Fox! Thanks to them also for talking and bouncing ideas with me haha. Hope I did Kid some justice!  

Well, please enjoy!   

As always, Detective Gumshoe left his apartment bright and early, decked in his usual jacket that had been with him through thick and thin. While some had called it ratty, he personally thinks it added a sort of charm to it.

Regardless, he made the walk to the precinct. His apartment might not be all that maintained, but its close location in relative to the precinct made the blasted icy showers and creaky elevator worth it. Half of the time.

Gumshoe gave a wave at the clerk manning the front desk, flashing her his patented ‘pal’ smile as some of his coworkers dubbed it as. She returned it with a shy smile of her own, her face flushing slightly at his hearty chuckle. He took the elevator to his floor, and it was when he stepped into the office that something immediately caught his attention.

The detective blinked, his steps drawing him closer to the small lounging area set in the right corner of the open floor space. It was a cozy little spot where people tended to sit and chat away, or sometimes eat their boxed lunches at during lunch time. No one laid claim to the sofa, as it was a who got there first sort of situation, but he had to admit that this was the first time he saw someone actually sleeping on the old, somewhat lumpy thing.

It was even more surprising that the person was none other than Detective Bobby Fulbright. One of the more dedicated detectives in the Police Department, there was nobody in the precinct who hasn’t heard about him. He carried this sort of exuberance and positivity that – while annoying at times – was honestly so genuine that one couldn’t help but become fond of, or at least tolerate after direct exposure.

He was a prime example of someone who followed the law, but Gumshoe knows that he wasn’t inflexible. Detective Fulbright walked down his own path of justice that pretty much involved helping anyone that he was able to lend a hand to. He believed in the good of people, though that doesn’t translate to naivety. He chose to spend his time and effort to make the lives of the people better, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant it may be.

A detective that examined gruesome murder scenes that also helped the elderly cross the road was a bit of a whiplash, but that was just how Fulbright is. It is only just that he lent his support to those who could use it, for their job is to maintain the peace and to assure the public that crime would not run rampant in the city.

They don’t have to necessarily limit themselves to just investigating and solving crimes. Interacting and helping the common folk, ensuring that they are happy and able to walk down the streets peacefully is an act of justice in of itself, Fulbright had once told him.

He was usually whizzing about, doing his work and other things, so it was rather unusual – and slightly concerning – to see the good detective passed out on the couch. Fulbright had taken off his white jacket, using it as a makeshift pillow to give support that the arm rest can’t hope to provide. His aviator glasses were still perched on the bridge of his nose, looking dangerously close to sliding right off. The sofa wasn’t capable of holding Fulbright’s 6'0 frame, so one of his legs dangled over the edge while the other laid motionless by his side. His right arm rested on his stomach, his left hanging off the sofa.

Gumshoe leaned in a little, his eyes quickly taking in the little details. Even with the glasses, he was able to see the dark bags peeking out, showing that Fulbright had been missing on some good sleep lately. There was a hint of facial hair smattering his chin, pointing out that he had no time to shave. If Gumshoe remembered it correctly, he did hear on how someone helped to cover one of the officer’s night shifts due to them facing a family emergency.

Even if he can be a little slow on the uptake, it wasn’t difficult to connect the dots. Ah, it seemed that Detective Fulbright had extended a helping hand, essentially pulling double shifts because the man still performed his regular duties. It wasn’t not surprising then that he pretty much exhausted himself.

Gumshoe eyed him for a moment longer before coming to a decision. The professional thing to do would be to wake him up, but the kinder option was to let him catch up on some sleep. With that in mind, he carefully leaned over the couch, being super careful not to jostle anything as he drew the blinds shut. The mild furrow on Fulbright’s brow smoothed with the absence of light.

With his mind still whirling, Gumshoe briefly left the office. The detective soon returned with a blanket that they kept on hand, as well as a Blue Badger doll that was often used for safety announcement videos. Very gently, he draped the blanket atop Fulbright’s form, covering halfway up his torso. It wasn’t able to cover his legs, but it would provide him some warmth.

Gumshoes froze when he shuffled a little, looking like he was roused from slumber but Fulbright remained fast asleep. Heaving out a quiet breath, it was a bit like surgery on how precise he had to be in planting the Blue Badger by his head. He pulled his hand back, observed for a moment longer then sighed once more.

There was no indication that Fulbright realized what he did, though he nuzzled a little into the stuffed doll before settling. Gumshoe could feel the wide smile that tugged at his lips, feeling quite pleased with himself.

Right, he knew what they should do today.

When Ema entered the office that morning, the first thing she noticed was how quiet it was. Usually, there’d be some form of noise—idle chatter, loud phone calls and the like. She paused by the door, giving the area a general sweep. His coworkers were hunched over their desks, so the silence can’t be attributed to a lack of people. In fact, it looked like they were actively trying to do their work without making too much noise.

“What’s going on…?” She mumbled, looking a bit confused. Her expression must’ve given her away, as one of the detectives jutted a thumb to his right. Ema followed it—and then she understands.

She had worked with Detective Fulbright multiple times in the past. You’d think his sunny personality would clash with hers but she did find him as one of the better detectives to partner up with. His enthusiasm for justice can be rather overwhelming, but he more than makes up for it by showing genuine interest in her own excitement about forensic science.

Once she got used to it, there really wasn’t any reason to dislike him. Fulbright reminded her of a loud, tall puppy. Kind, eager to please and – as she approached the sofa to get a better angle – right now, looking rather adorable with the Blue Badger plastered next to his face.

Ema wore a faint smile. Poor guy must be completely tuckered out to even consider the sofa as a comfortable resting spot. She figured that everyone else wanted to let him rest, thus explaining their odd behavior. Heh. She didn’t think that some of the gruffer detectives would agree to it, but everyone seemed to content to leave him.

She gave him another once over, noticing that he was still wearing his glasses. As someone who had her own pair, that was just a recipe for disaster. Ema noticed the eyes on her when she bent forward. Just like how she treated a crime scene, she was being super careful in her act of removing his glasses. She held her breath, keeping check of his expression and only exhaled when she stepped back with it in her hands.

Ema fished in her pockets for her eyeglass case. Green in color with her name etched on top of the cover, she placed his glasses into it. While the lenses were a bit rounder than hers, it slotted in without much trouble.

With an air of accomplishment, Ema placed the case on top of the arm rest. Detective Fulbright continued to snore softly, oblivious to the world around him.

Idly, she smoothened out the blanket – like how Lana used to do for her during bedtime – before fully stepping back. Well, it was time for her to get to work.

She’d make sure to keep the Snackoo munching as quietly as she possibly could.

An almost silent air greeted Detective Kid Fox when she came in for work, sending her mind into overdrive on various possibilities. It was never this quiet, so there had to be a reason for it. How was the atmosphere? Did something horrible happened within the precinct? Were her colleagues in mourning? If so, how did it happened without her knowledge? A recent happening? Had that been the case, this place would have been buzzing with activity as opposed to near stillness.

Though, her trail of thought came crashing to a halt when a quick survey of the area landed her gaze on the little lounge area close to her desk.

The proverbial light bulb lit up as she reached her answer. Truthfully, Fox found it a tad odd that all of them were being so… considerate with sleeping beauty over there. Bobby slept on amidst the quiet compromise that the rest of his coworkers granted to him. He looked real cozy on that lumpy thing, what with the shutters drawn, a blanket draped over his form and—was that a Blue Badger doll that he was resting his head against?

It wasn’t what she expected coming into the office this morning, but Fox would be stupid to complain about it. If the rest were letting him sleep, then there was no real reason to disturb it. Besides, she thinks that Bobby should sleep in the office more often, if it gave her this silence. She did love working in quietude when she dug through old case files.

Knowing that this wasn’t something to worry about, and after another quick overview of the sleeping detective, Fox silently approached the sofa. Those shoes looked quite stuffy, so she figured she’d do him a favor by taking it off.

Fox moved quickly yet carefully in the process of tugging his shoes off. Doing so revealed that he continued to be a fiend to society by not wearing socks, but she didn’t let that bother her or anything. After his feet were free from its confines, she placed his shoes on the floor in front of the sofa.

With that out of the way, Fox went back to her desk, ready to tackle on the files whilst relishing this rare peace in the office.

Usually, it was the detectives that made their way over to the Prosecutor’s office to meet up with their partnered prosecutor when they’re working on a case. This time however, Klavier personally swung by the Police Department to see Ema, as well as take care of some other business within the building. He had been to this place multiple times, though the moment he stepped into the office, being met with silence wasn’t something that he expected.

Klavier wore a faint look of confusion, wondering about the reason behind this strange tranquility. He could see that the detectives were doing their work like always, but silently. Any form of conversations involved hunched backs and whispers. It was like they were actively making an effort to do things as quietly as possible.

Before Klavier could ask someone about this admittedly strange scenario, his eyes just so happened to spot the sleeping figure on the sofa.

Ah, that made sense. He could feel a small smile tugging at his lips. Klavier recognized the other, having worked with him a couple of times. Detective Fulbright always had this larger than life sort of personality; a brightness that drew attention to him like when he used to perform on stage with the Gavinners. Only with the detective, it was purely a solo gig.

Still, he found it mildly surprising that the other detectives were allowing this. It showed a camaraderie that he privately found to be quite outstanding. Clearly they looked out for one another. This might come across as unprofessional, but they cared more about Fulbright’s wellbeing to let him get sleep.

Now wouldn’t that be a good muse to write a song about? The tale of a tired detective who endlessly pursued justice, but could fall back into the support of the friends around him. That, or some form of rocking lullaby. Maybe taking the classic lullaby and putting a rock twist on it?

That was something he’d entertain more on later. Right now, he wanted to see the Fräulein detective regarding the case they were working on. Until he found the surprisingly amicable Ema, Klavier hummed a soft tune beneath his breath.

A gentle tug at his consciousness was enough to slowly rouse Bobby from slumber. Initially, he was in a groggy state of confusion, his brain taking its sweet time to boot up. Shifting slightly, he started to realize multiple things.

His neck felt stiff while the rest of his body resembled a giant ache. The surface he apparently slept on was not his bed—too small and lumpy. Slowly, he pried open his gummy eyes, blinking multiple times through the blurriness. In an absentminded gesture, his finger touched nothing when he tried to push up his glasses.

Bobby settled with pressing a hand against his forehead as he tried to recall where he was. The last thing he remembered was going back to the office at night to cover for Detective Russel’s shift because he had a family emergency to attend to. Then he decided to take a break when it was getting difficult to keep himself awake. Bobby shuffled to the sofa and laid down with the intention to get back up after a few minutes but—

Wait, did he fall asleep!?

That thought pierced through the fogginess and with it, a sudden rush of panic filled him. Bobby hastily tried to push himself up, which was easier said than done when his legs dangled over the edge of the couch. Something fell by the side of his face, but he didn’t notice it in his hurry to get up and get back to work--!

“Woah pal! Take it easy!” A familiar voice greeted him, which effectively halted his attempt. Bobby harshly rubbed at his eyes before he looked up to find Detective Gumshoe standing by his side. Wait, when did he get here? Wasn’t it supposed to still be the night shift?

“D-Dick?” Bobby uttered, the confusion noticeable in his voice.

“Yep! Did ya get some good sleep?”

“Sleep?” The detective looked around, finally noticing that it wasn’t night time after all. “Wait—how long was I asleep for!?”

“Well, it’s just about noon, pal! About time to grab lunch, so you woke up at the right time!”

Bobby felt something icy course through his veins. Not only did he fall asleep, he practically overslept! That was unacceptable! While everyone else was hard at work, here he was, sleeping like he didn’t have responsibilities in this department! Hardly a good example to show his fellow detectives, nor was it fair!

It was… it was unjust! Bobby sported a horrified look, hands gripping the side of his face.

“Oh my god—I’m so sorry Dick! I didn’t mean to fall asleep! I promise I’ll get right to—“

“Hey, it’s fine pal!” Gumshoe interjected, placing his large hands atop his shoulders for emphasis. Bobby’s mouth snapped shut as his wide eyes looked into his senior’s kind ones.

“We knew you were running yourself ragged pulling double shifts like that. Of course it’s understandable that you’d just be out like a light! You needed some sleep, so we let you catch up on ‘em!” A hearty laugh. “I can’t imagine the sofa being all that comfy but hey, it’s better than the floor, I guess!”

Bobby felt his jaw dropped at his words. They knew he was literally sleeping on the job, and they left him be?

“But I’m missing out on work—“

“Which ya can get back to, after you’ve charged up.” Gumshoe wore a warm, friendly smile. “You’re real dedicated to your job, Bobby. One of the most hardworking fella I’ve had the pleasure to be friends with! You needed the rest before you risk worsening yourself. Last thing you want is to get sick!”

Bobby felt an assuring squeeze on his shoulder. “Trust me. Everyone understood it, which is why we’ve been working real quiet so you’d be able to sleep peacefully.” Another chuckle. “From the looks of it, seems like it worked!”

He was still processing everything, but one thing surged to the front of his mind—and made his eyes sting with tears. Bobby just felt… touched, that everyone seemed to have put in effort to let him sleep, even when they should have woken him up.

They… cared about him and his wellbeing. That thought alone made his lips quiver into a wobbly grin, the tears finally slipping out in a rush of happiness. Amidst Dick’s sudden worried questions, Bobby realized that he learnt something valuable today.

Justice never sleeps—but he needs to so he could be in good condition during his endless pursuit for it.

And preferably, back in the privacy of his bedroom and on actual bed.

[yegarts]

Blind Ambition: Heroic story of Canadian pilot takes flight in new film by local filmmaker

Filmmaker Frederick Kroetsch, photo supplied by the artist.

When it comes to filmmaking, Frederick Kroetsch is a man of many talents; he has worked as a reporter, camera operator, host, director, TV producer, and he currently runs Catapult Pictures with his wife Rebecca Campbell. He has produced thousands of broadcast stories covering everything from Cattle Police to Astronauts, and as a documentary filmmaker, he has filmed in countries around the world. He has created dozens of projects that range from comedy web-series to feature-length documentaries. He is currently nominated for two Alberta Rosie Awards: Best Screenwriter Unscripted under 30 Minutes and Best Cinematographer Unscripted over 30 Minutes. 

And now Frederick has one more notable career highlight to add to the list – the world premiere of his new short documentary Blind Ambition: The Wop May Story at the Edmonton International Film Festival.

Shot on 35mm filmstock with an orchestral musical score, Blind Ambition brings to life the story of an inspiring and courageous pilot:

After learning to fly in WWI, a young Canadian man returns home to start a bold career in aviation. Barnstormer, lifesaver, and intrepid bush pilot, Wilfred ‘Wop’ May proves the value of flight to the world. But an old injury requires catastrophic vision surgery and forces him to admit he’d done it all with only one good eye. Now grounded, Wop continues to push aviation forward by running training schools for pilots and navigators in WWII, creates the first Air Search and Rescue service, and opens the Arctic and Pacific Rim to commercial flight. But this dedication leaves little time for family, and upon Wop’s death, his teenage son discovers how little he really knew his father when he travels the North and hears tales of his adventures, heroics, and generosity - the legacy of Wop May.

In anticipation of the film’s premiere, we connected with Frederick to learn more about his career as a filmmaker and the process of telling the incredible story of a Canadian aviation hero.

Q: Tell us a little bit about yourself as an artist. How did you get involved in filmmaking?

I got invited to film with some friends when I was in grade 6 – I think we were shooting a Doctor Who spin off. It was gloriously terrible. And we didn’t stop. Video tapes were cheap, and editing was difficult. Following the innocence of Hi8-video I got a fine arts degree at the Concordia film school in Montreal, became a TV journalist for 10 years, and then went back to filmmaking. Currently I enjoy balancing commercial work with smaller art projects.

Q: Your film Blind Ambition tells the story of legendary Canadian pilot, Wilfrid “Wop” May. What drew you to his story?

I recall hearing about him when I was a journalist – I always wanted to find a way to make a project about Wilfrid ‘Wop’ May. Years later I was debating the idea of filming a stop-animation art film about him. I visited the Alberta Aviation Museum to learn more and discovered a lot of new details. Wop was way ahead of his time. Against the social conventions of the day, he hired the first female and Asian pilots. He survived a dogfight against the Red Baron by not knowing how to fly. He did aerial stunts, saved lives, and helped open the arctic with his bush plane. And HE DID IT ALL WITH ONE WORKING EYE. That’s crazy! It’s a story that demands to be told!

Q: You describe the film as a creative documentary. How does this style of documentary differ from the style audiences are likely more accustomed to, and how do you think this form of storytelling added to the story of Wop May?

What I refer to as a ‘Standard Documentary’ is what we see quite often on the news or on Youtube – talking heads interspersed with ‘B-roll.’ Which is a great style for disseminating information but is rather uncinematic.

When discussing Wop May, I felt emotive forces reminiscent of watching adventure films from the 1980s like Indiana Jones. I wanted to find a way to recreate that nostalgic, inspired feeling. Also, we didn’t have any photographs for some of his amazing adventures. So, we decided to film dramatic recreations in two different ways. The first method was with designing comic books that we filmed, and the second was live-action recreations using actors, props and costumes. We filmed in real airplanes with stunt pilots. And we shot it all on 35mm Kodak film stock. We also shot it on anamorphic lenses, which squeeze the image so you can have a classic widescreen aspect ratio. These elements helped to create the atmosphere in which to tell Wop’s life story. I wanted the audience to feel like a kid watching Indiana Jones for the first time, except with a documentary about a real person.

Top: Actor Jesse Gervais with stunt pilot Ted Reynolds, photo by Frederick Kroetsch . Bottom: School room scene from Blind Ambition, photo by  Frederick Kroetsch.

Q: Tell us more about your decision to shoot with 35mm film. What were some of the challenges and rewards to using 35mm?

Our cinematographer David Baron really pushed us to shoot on 35mm Kodak film stock. As much as that sounded like a cool thing to co-director Tom Robinson and I – and it’s pretty cool – we weren't entirely sure that was the best move for us. It’s expensive and you can’t tell if it worked until weeks later when it’s processed. Also, we had VERY little money. We tried it out… and it was beautiful. The grain structure of the film stock perfectly emulated that nostalgic blockbuster feel. Tonally, it fit well with the visual language of historical archives like 8mm and turn of the century photography.

Shooting on film meant we had to change the way we normally make films. We could only do a few takes of each shot – which meant everything had to be rehearsed and perfect. The camera is huge and heavy – which meant we focused more on creating movement in the frame. We had to use a tape measure for focusing – it forced us to be more aware of details. Our artistic process was able to step back in time and enjoy the madness of cinema before it became digital. We are intending to shoot more of it.

Q: For the film, the score was created with a European orchestra. What was it like to work remotely with the Prague FILMharmonic Orchestra? Were there any other collaborations (either local or international) that helped achieve the vision of your film?

Composer John McMillan was the artistic force behind our musical score and the orchestra in Prague. I had just worked with John on Rebecca Campbell’s documentary The Secret Society, and I wanted to work with him again. As soon as he heard the words ‘1980s adventure films’ he was instantly on board. He spent weeks writing the music, and then he hired some recent graduates from the MacEwan class that he teaches for the notation. John also secured a grant from the MacEwan Music Department to record with the Prague FILMharmonic Orchestra a 50-piece orchestra.

The recording took place in a studio at MacEwan. We had a live video feed to the studio in Prague. Someone handed me a stack of sheet music – I stared at it confused. A conductor began speaking in Czech. Then the music began, and we recorded for 3 hours. After that the score was mixed by Paul Johnston, and then went into post audio with Johnny Blerot. It was a lengthy process, and we’re lucky to have worked with so many professional artists.

Q: What do you hope Edmonton audiences will take away from the film?

Wop May is all around us in Edmonton. There are numerous murals on the sides of buildings. The neighbourhood of Mayfield is named after him – that was where he landed his planes. The Blatchford Hanger is where he worked in WW2. I want people to watch this and feel like they’re a kid again, excited and amazed at a good story. And then ask the question – what is a hero?

 You can catch the world premier of Blind Ambition: The Wop May Story at the Edmonton International Film Festival on October 3, 2021, 5:45 PM at Landmark Cinema 9 City Centre. Click here for more information about tickets and online viewing options.

[iphoenixrising]

I can't stop thinking about your Dr!Tim verse (This isnt a prompt btw, I just wanted you to know that Ive been thinking about your writing and how much its inspired me. Sorry for how long this is). I keep imagining the man on the bridge being the hot topic on every news station and paper, even more than Batman and Robin. Everyone wants to know who he is. Is he ok? Did he give his life saving his fellow Gotham citizens? There are a lot of questions

(2)and few answers. Those in the loop are more than content to leave it that way,but somehow it gets leaked that Gothams new hero is a young prodigy doctor atGotham General. Tim is not made aware of this until he gets mobbed by reportersas he’s leaving his 36 hour shift and getting asked a lot of innapropriatepersonal questions. And it’s not nearly as funny as you seem to think it is,Jason.

(3)Of course his boyfriends quickly stop finding the situation funny once the joboffers from all over the world start rolling in. Dozens of them, all offeringthings like millions of dollars in salary, positions like chief of surgery, allin state of the art hospitals that are properly funded and don’t reside incities with crazy clown attacks. And it hurts because, how could they ask himto stay? How could they ask their genius sugar to tie himself down to a city

(4)that chews everyone in it up and spits them out, to be a doctor in a hospitalbarely scraping by, how could they ask their genius boy to refuse a once in alifetime opportunity to escape this shithole of a city and make something bigof himself, all to stay with two vigilantes who cant guarantee they’ll make ithome each night. They couldn’t do it, they want whats best for their boy, evenif it means he leaves them. They can’t ask him to stay.

(5)Damian of course has no such qualms about blackmailing, er requesting Drakestay in the city, and subsequently with his older brothers (Because if he hurtsthem, Damian will hurt Tim twice as bad). Which leads to a very awkwardconversation in which Damian threatens Tim not to leave, Tim is confusedbecause “who said anything about leaving?” And then they have a heartto heart about how Tim isn’t stuck at Gotham general, he chose that hospital.And that he’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

**

So, hi babe :D  Iknow this has been sitting in my inbox for a minute, sorry >.

Brilliant, babe. Justbrilliant.

I also get to play withanother back-and-forth I haven’t really gotten to yet in these little things,so I’m super excited for B and Tony Stark to just have a little snark-fest,yeah?  

**

Tony showed up a fewweeks early for his quarterly “visit” to Gotham.

It’s disconcertingbecause Tony Stark goes between creating new innovations to privatelyconsulting around the US on the most dire of cases in need of a precise handand large enough ego to make miracles happen. He might have to do somebookkeeping even though Pepper is his CEO and runs his company with iron heels. When he’s not working, he has a nice relationship waiting for himat home.

All of it didn’t leaveTony much time to be running to Gotham before schedule to do someridiculous amount of pouting.

And yet?

Here they are.

When Tim actually getsto turn away from the stack of charts he’s updating, he has an oh shitmoment because Tony…isn’t immediately talking. No white coat, just asnazzy three-piece, arms crossed over his chest, and utterly

Silent.

Tim automaticallystands, taking in his old mentor from head to foot, looking for clues toadd to the inevitable diagnosis hovering in his brain pan.

(Because, you know, thattime when he was still a lowly bachelor and could take a month off of Mercy topretty much live in Tony’s facility while things like brain tumors threatenedhis Tony Stark’s life. His hands didn’t shake the whole time he was rootingaround that famous mound of grey matter–that’s when he knew he’d hit the bigleagues.)

“If you even think,”Tony starts, low and angry, “of taking the offer from UCLA over mine, Iwill be an even bigger asshole about your terrible life choices.”

Oh.

Oh shit.

Word has apparently gottenaround.

It started out with aquick blurb on the news, blurry camera phone picture of emergency workers andplain clothes civilians jumping to action in the middle of a crisis, a humaninterest story and all that. A glimmer of goodness among the chaos.

More picture with betterquality once the shock and aftermath died down, started to flood Social Media,even various videos of cables snapping and people running, trying not to gettrampled. One the media latched onto just happened to be of him carrying thelittle girl from the car and helping her mother up in the back of a truck tosend them to safety.

The one with himbreaking through the fallen debris made Dick gasp from the table where he waspatching his suit and Jay wrap a big hand around his ankle to squeeze.

The one where he almostlost his grip climbing the wall of broken shit and flaming car remains isprobably where someone saw the connection because the class of kids went on thenews, holding up colorful signs with Thank-You, Dr. Drake!

He was happy they allseemed fine and after an uncomfortable call from Channel 11 Gotham (howthey found out his name is still a mystery even though he suspects B is an evenbigger troll than he’d already surmised), in which he stipulated nocameras this time, went by the elementary school for a visit. They gripped hisnerd shirt with excited hands, and his arms are long enough for a lot ofhugs.

But while Channel 11agreed to his term of no cameras, no interviews, that didn’t really panout when it came to the story later on that night.

His picture flashed allover the damn place, the resident angel on the bridge as one Dr. Drakefrom Mercy General trying to save as many lives as he could. More video clipsand interviews after the fact (he’s so glad to see that Karmen and her mom areokay), and dammit, he’s being literally attacked outside thedouble doors to his ER after a very long shift without Steph. He mighthave been a little mean when he told them in no specific terms that he was onlytrying to make sure people didn’t, you know, die horribly, as is hisnormal, every-day job, and please let him go home where he can pass outfor a day or he’s going to lie down on someone’s shoes and take a nap.

Jay was predictablyentertained at the whole of it. Dick merely told him his kick-ass doctorinstincts deserved appropriate accolades.

Both of them areassholes, but still, they’re his assholes.

But eventually, likeeverything in Gotham, those videos became old news and the next wave ofinevitable oh shit became front and center. Which, should have meant hisfifteen seconds of fame was pretty much over (thankfully)–if he hadn’tstarted getting other interest.

Several offers startedcoming first by mail to the Penthouse, more by phone and email. Unassumingproper stationary with silver and gold lettering, bright voicemails about his“heroism” and obvious skill in emergency situations, emails from high-rankingdoctors or board members extending an invitation to visit their campus and seeif his career might be going in a new direction.

(Gag)

It was pretty easy atfirst, chucking those finely detailed introduction letters in the trashdiscreetly, sending back appreciative declines without Dick or Jason gettingwise as to how many there actually were.

(John Hopkinsthough…that one he had to think about)

A month later and thingsslacked off (or might be routed through Drake Industries so they stop coming tothe Penthouse). Apparently, though, the attention had been somewhat noticeable.

“I don’t know what youmay have heard, Tony, but–” he starts out calmly, putting the penpointedly down.

“Let me start with the shortlist,” it’s the usual sarcasm laying the mood, mimicking an imaginarychecklist, “John Hopkins, Department Head of Emergency Medicine. Mayo, General Surgery Residency Program Director. MassachusettsGeneral, Chief of Surgery. UCSF, Chief of Residents. UCLA, Chief of Staff.Cedars-Sinai, Neuroscience research grants out the ass. Sound morefamiliar?”

Well, there’s only oneway to get this conversation started.

Bonding over coffee.

Gathering up hischarts with a sigh, Tim shakes his head a little and grabs the cane he’s beenusing since his leg is finally starting to get with it (and no Steph,the House MD jokes were funny a week ago, now you need new material). Heshoos Tony out of the room and down the corridor to the chaos that is his ER.

“Notice I didn’tmention the very generous and consistent offer from StarkMedical, Tim,” because Tony really has nothing to be mad about per sayand falls in step beside him anyway, slowing down his unusually fast strides toaccount for the limp. “Because I’m not here to smooze.”

He pauses at the maindesk to arrange the charts in order, gets the approving nod from his favoriteHead Nurse.

“There’s story behindthis,” he fills in casually, “it’s more complicated than just–”

“You almost died,”Tony interrupts smoothly, “on a bridge. You ran around on a crumbling bridgeinstead of getting people the hell off while you got the hell off. Halfthe nation saw that guy with the crazy bat fetish catch someone out in openwater wearing purple scrubs, Tim.”

Well, none of that isa lie really.

Hands free, Tim gripsTony’s elbow and steers them pointedly into the break room, closes the door.With Dr. Stark roaming around Mercy, most everyone would stay clear unless somecatastrophe hits anyway.

He lets Tony stew fora few minutes while he makes a fresh pot of coffee and thinks very, very hardabout how this is going to go.

“You were worriedabout me,” Tim finally gives a half-grin in the face of Tony’s nope, andputs a fresh paper cup in his hand, “you can bluster all you want, but you wereworried, and I appreciate it.”

“That is absolute crapand you know it. I’m here to make sure no other hospitals or researchfacilities snatch you up, Drake. Not after all the effort I put into you overthe last few years.”

Sure, Tony. “The bridge. I survived. A lot of otherpeople survived, so you can ignore whatever crap the news stations aresaying–”

“All of it is true.You stupidly risked your life when the structural integrity was compromised,and since it just happened to involve that wing-nut in the cape, thenation is going to pay the fuck attention.”

Which is probably whyhe’s suddenly Mr. Popular in his field. Well, that does answer some questions.

“You’re taking thisout of proportion,” even if it’s fruitless, he’s still going to try,“there really haven’t been that many–”

“Twenty of the topfacilities in the world have made offers that would put this place to shame.Three of your last publications have shown up in recent journals. The nextsymposium you’re supposed to be at is already sold out.”

And well, shit.He…he didn’t know all of that.

“Besides, if I wasblowing it out of proportion, we wouldn’t be talking about it in thedeserted break room, Drake.”

Tim groans out loud,rubbing a tired hand down his face. How is he going to explain without soundinglike a complete moron?

“Tony, the offersare…nice, okay? I’m not going to say it isn’t cool to be wanted by someof these places. I mean Cedars… they have equipment and research facilitiesmost places couldn’t even dream of. Just the possibilities–”

A very pointedclearing of the throat makes him take a pause to breathe, count to ten becausehe has to get in the mindset to deal with Tony like this again (it’s been aminute) when he’s being incredibly stubborn.

Neither of them noticethe dark blue against black right at the side of the building, but the presenceunder the open window narrows white eyes and stays hidden in the Gotham shadow. Who even knew how long he’d been there.

“Excuse me,Cedars has equipment most facilities–aside from Stark Medical of course–couldn’teven dream of.”

The look he gets backis unimpressed at most, but Tim can see past the usual Tony Stark mask. Theexuding confidence is there like the nice, expensive suits he wears, but underneaththe brilliance and the snark, Tony’s eyes are bloodshot and the dark circlesunderneath look like bruises. He keeps his dominant hand in the pocket of hispants, probably to hide the slight tremble (which is why he isn’t wearing acoat, right? If Tony’s riding the sleep dep train, he won’t operate if hishands are starting to shake).

Tim eases back alittle, sips on his terrible sludge while idly thumbing his phone open.

“I’m very well awareof the opportunities right in front of you, Tim,” Tony starts moving, a shortwhirlwind of movement, activity, and energy. “I’m just saying–”

“What I told you ayear ago is still true,” Tim comes back, finishing up the quick text to one ofTony’s significant others, (just a little knowledge drop on how exhausted hismentor really is). He puts his phone away and crosses his arms over his chestin a firm sign of ‘this is how the discussion is going to go.’

“You can’t be serious.”And yes, that’s Tony Stark without all the touchy-feely, I care if you diekind of thing. “I’m outraged. I’m outraged on your behalf, Tim.”

“You can’t be,” hedeadpans.

“The hell I can’t.You’re going to stay here, in this death trap of a city and practicemedicine in this ill-equipped, dilapidated chop-shop hold-over from the secondWorld War–”

“Tony, c’mon.”

“While half thegoddamned world is out for you?! Do you have any idea what kindof direction your career could go if you accepted even one of thoseoffers?”

“I–”

“Anything else isliterally going to be professional suicide.”

“When you put it like that–”he snarks back, getting a little closer to his patience. It had taken longerthan usual because Tony, like Layla, needed to adults to lay it out for themonce and awhile.

“It’s time to listento reason, Tim. You’ve had plenty of time to try, I don’t know, winningthe Nobel for putting up with terrible conditions and homicidal maniacs withbomb fetishes. Isn’t it time you started challenging yourself again, and notby trying to die in this trash-dump city?”

And the shadowsoundlessly slides away in the night, leaving the conversation to finish up anecessary patrol. The rushing wind doesn’t take away anything he’s alreadylearned.

Dr. Drake, blissfullyunaware of the company, narrows his eyes dangerously, straightens up because dammit,he thought he handled this.

“I. Am. Not.Interested.” He tries, wondering if the emphasis counts. “As appealing as theresearch capabilities are, I’m not taking any of the offers. At all, atall. I’m staying right the fuck here where I choose to be.”

And he sees Tony startto open his mouth to start-up with another fast and furious argument on whyGotham is a cesspool of death and more death, but Tim walks right overanything he might have started in on by just getting right up in Tony’s faceand laying it all out.

“I appreciate the fuckout of the interest, Dr. Stark. Thanks but no thanks.”

“I need someone tocheck you out obviously.”

“I like ithere.”

“Oh? And what’s hername Mister I-Like-It-Here?”

“His name,Tony, and their names for your information.”

That has the intendedeffect and makes his old mentor pretty much pause on the next syllable.   

“But just so you know,they aren’t the only reasons why I’m staying in Gotham City. It’s more thanbeing close to my parents’ graves or close to my best friend and my niece. It’smore than just finally coming home, Tony. I belong here. I’m neededhere. It’s dirty and dangerous and so fucking what if there’s a guy in aBat suit running around kicking the shit out of criminals? It’s my city,so no. I’m not going anywhere.”

And Tony just blinksdown at him for long moments, this scene so painfully familiar from their daysof arguing back and forth during his “internship” with Stark Medical. It hadn’ttaken him long to understand what needed to be done to make someone like TonyStark change his mind.

Get all up in his faceand drop some truth bombs.

“I really, really hatethis,” Tony finally replies flatly, but his eyes are scrunched in amusement.

“I know. If I ever dowant to leave it behind, then you know the first place I’m going to go,” Timcomes back more gently, giving Tony a smirk.

Even though he’sobvious not happy about it, some of the pissed off fades out of Tony’sstiff posture. “Promise me, Drake. No one gets to kill you before I pick yourbrain about the neuro-stimulation device we’re working on.”

And with the obviouspun, he leans over laughing until his damn leg starts to ache and Tony has tohold him up by the arm so he doesn’t fall over.

**

The very impressiveRolls Royce greets Dr. Stark when he finally makes his way out the front doorsto attempt finding some palatable coffee.

The older man waitingby the passenger-side door is familiar enough that a smile cuts across Tony’sface.

“Alfred! Long time, nosee.” He smirks at the irony since his “visits” to Gotham didn’t alwayscoordinate with Pepper’s insistence he at least be in the city for SMbusiness.

“Master Stark, apleasure to see you again, Sir.”

“Always. Let me guess.You have some incredible coffee in there waiting for me?”

“Of course, Sir. Flavoredjust how you prefer.”

“You are a master ofall things, Alfred. Don’t even let Bruce tell you any differently.”

“I shall remind him atevery opportunity. However, you may do me a service and tell him yourself,”Alfred opened the back door with a slight flourish to show the billionairehimself sitting in the back, drinking from a thick, glass tumbler.

“Aw, Bruce, is that autility belt under your shirt or are you just happy to see me?”

The surgeon foldshimself down to get in, eyes sparkling for the slight scowl on his old friend’sface. He pays little attention to Alfred getting back in the driver’s seat andstarting the car. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you didn’t trust me inyour city.”

Tony stick up hispointer fingers at the side of his head, wiggling them to mimic the ears on theside of the cowl.

He’s smiling likecrazy when B just rolls his eyes and takes a deep pull from the tumbler.“You’re early, even after you’ve been running the gambit at your facility andStark Industries for the past few weeks. Forgive me for being curious.”

“I had to see anotherdoctor about a job prospect.”

“The doctor we have amutual interest in?”

“That would be theone. Next time he needs to be saved, leave the tights at home. Don’t you have aWE helicopter for a reason?”

“And exactly how wouldI explain that one away?”

“You have PR people,Bruce, let them have a field day with ‘rich socialite accidentally savespeople on a crumbling bridge.’”

“That would make morework for me as Bruce Wayne. Batman is a better figurehead for that kind ofthing.”

“Figurehead? Oh,you mean the persona you’ve gone to great lengths to hide as some kindof myth or urban legend all these years? That guy just suddenly shows up in thedaytime?”

“He’s beenphotographed before, Tony. Sometimes even with other superheroes, likeSuperman and Wonder Woman. All drawback of being on a team.”

“Teams are wonderfulthings, Bruce.

“Says you.”

And from a pocket inthe door, Bruce finally has a little bit of mercy on the overworked genius bypulling out a warm travel mug with the Batman logo on the front.

Tony laughs maniacallyfor long, painful moments, earning another eye-roll. The contents, however, arejust as Alfred promised: full of caffeine and just as tasty.

After a long moment ofsatisfaction, Tony lays his head back on the cushy seat and just sighs.

“You’re pushingyourself too hard,” Bruce admonishes gently. “I’m going to send the WE chopperto pick up Jim and Steve instead.”

That wakes him up.

“Don’t you even dare,B. I’ll never forgive you.”

“I’ve made worseenemies.”

Tony doesn’t snortcoffee up his nose, but really, it’s a close thing.

“You obviously can’ttake care of yourself,” Bruce is his usual brusk, no-nonsense about it, butTony can see there’s already some kind of plan in the making. “I can seewhy the two of them have such a hard time with you.”

“Says the guy thatneeded an emergency arthroscopy for meniscus tears.”

“Then I guess I’m verylucky you were in town.”

Tony hums, but hiseyes are sparkling. “How is the knee doing by the way?”

“It hurts when I breaksomeone’s jaw. Other than that, it’s fine.” And because it’s Bruce, he wavesit away without a second thought.

Tony hums again, buthis eyes go down to the knee in question.

Bruce sips his drinkagain while Alfred continues driving and Tony makes him wait for it.

Finally, once they’repassing the old Mylar building, B looks at him head-on, “all right. What did hehave to say?”

Trying not to grin,Tony shrugs a shoulder, “you’ve got nothing to worry about. Drake is staying inGotham, even with the more-than-generous offer I’ve made him. Believe me, B,I’m not happy about it, but he doesn’t seem too keen on leaving Mercy General.”

And as Tony is well-awarein their long and industrious friendship, the real Bruce Wayne is like a closedbook, doesn’t let even the smallest twitch break his facade (well, except infront of his boys, which is when BatDad makes an appearance), but thesigns of relief are really hard to miss for someone that literally kept B’sright arm moving after that rotator cuff injury.

“Dick and Jay will behappy to hear that, I suppose.” Tony observes with false cheer becausehonestly, who wouldn’t put two and two together at this juncture.

(Bruce isn’t the onlydetective. As a surgeon, Tony has to deduce with little evidence, so it’s notreally a shocker to find out the vigilantes have a doctor for a sweetie. Smartmove all around.)

“…yes, they will.Tim…?”

“He didn’t have to.You just told me yourself, Mr. Wayne.”

At the frown, Tonygives himself a mental point. The day he can get one up on the Batman is reallya day he needs to remember.

“All right, fine. Jayand Dick might have mentioned he’s been getting attention outside Gotham. I’vealready taken some steps to try making it seem like staying in the city mightbe a better deal.”

And Tony’s jaw drops,“you’ve been trying to get Mercy to partner with WE! That’s why they aren’tplaying nice with Pepper! Bruce, you devil.”

“Demon, actually, ifyou believe the stories,” and now it’s Bruce smirking into his tumbler. “We’lltalk more about it over dinner. Besides, the Batcomputer is on the fritz again.You can dazzle me over filet mignon.”

“Flatterer. How can Ipossibly say no?”

Bruce taps theintercom to tell Alfred they’re ready to go back to the Manor and Dr. Starkwill be joining them for the evening. Alfred gives him an affirmative and the planis set into motion. If there just happens to be a comfortable surfacefor Tony to pass out on during the visit, well, the pictures for Jim and Stevewould be well-worth the effort.

**

The conversation withTony didn’t end well, leaving him with a mental hangover by the time his shiftis finally over.

Night hadn’t startedbreaking away into dawn yet, so he’s still walking by dark alleys where thestreet lights are flickering.

He gets out a, “whatthe fuck–!?” before he’s just suddenly swept up off his feet by a strongarm holding him up hundreds of feet in the air.

Really, he should beused to things like this by now.

Robin undoubtedly givesno shits about how tight he’s holding onto the doctor or, the obviousdifferences in their height as punctuated by the botched landing, putting himliterally on his ass.

“Wow, thanks for the warning,Rob. I really didn’t need legs anyway.”

In some way that mightactually show he’s sorry, Robin bends down to pick up the cane and handsit over so Tim can get back on his feet.

“Alright, what’s goingon? Where are you hurt?” He doesn’t bother with niceties, just grips Robin bythe bicep and turns him, uses the cane to hold the cape out of the way. “Pleasetell me no one stabbed you because wouldn’t that just be ironic?”

He sees no blood ortorn suit. Takes a second look just to make sure.

Robin, in a creepyparody of his conversation with Tony earlier in the evening, is silent.

“Rob? Robin, what isit?”

A litany of oh shitruns through his brain pain in the form of toxins, mind control, and bloodborne pathogens (oh my).

“I have beeninformed,” the youngest vigilante starts slowly, “you are considering other opportunitiesoutside of Gotham, Drake.”

He blinks once. Doesit again while staring down at the whiteouts.

“Opportunities? Rob–Dami,what are you talking about?”

“Facilities are vyingfor you, offering you more advantages than any in Gotham possibly could.I understand the temptation of such offers–”

“Whoa, what? Wait aminute. Just. Wait.”

“However,” Robin goeson, his tone low in the night, “I am here to offer you a bargain.”

And that in no waywhatsoever sound anything less than ominous. Like, ‘I’ll promise not to takeout your spleen’ kind ominous.

He leans down a littleso the crime fighter doesn’t have to look up at him, “First: yes, I’ve gottensome job offers. It’s nice they’re thinking of me, really, but those offers arebased off a one-time emergency incident, not because they’ve seen me inaction or know anything about my…hobbies. They’re not offering a jobto me, Dami. Do you get that?”

The ensuing silenceand Bat-stillness are signs of the younger processing.

“Besides, I choseto come back to Gotham when I could have gone pretty much anywhere after myinternship with Stark Medical. You have no idea how many places wantedme on staff after I survived Tony Stark. If I wanted a job outside of the city,I could have had it in spades. The point is I chose to be here. I wantedto stay, and that? Isn’t going to change, okay? No bargains, no threats,nothing. I’m not leaving–”

He stops himselfbefore saying I’m not leaving Dick and Jay because really, he isnot, repeat Not talking to Dami about his relationship. Poor kid mightbe traumatized for life, so nope, not happening.

(Their last littleconvo to the vibe of ‘harm my brother and I shall eviscerate you per one ofyour textbooks. I shall do it slowly and methodically. Your screams would nottrouble me’ turned into a pretty good discussion on the best possiblescenario in effectively ripping someone’s spine out. His argument against thelogistics of it had spurned Robin out of the killing mood).

The obvious relief inthe small crime fighter is right there in how his shoulders sag just slightly.

“So, you’re going tohave to put up with me saving your ass when you do stupid shit like take on anarmy of zombified Jokers without backup.”

“Then…I shall haveno other option but to deal with your meddling when necessary,” the youngerwaves off his concern, but a corner of his mouth is tilted up just enough tonotice.

**

It’s really nice ofDami to drop him off on his fire escape. Walking would have been fine, but whenyou can travel Air-Robin, well, why not?

He pushes his windowup and gingerly eases in, maneuvering the cane to steady his leg. Hands are onhim before his head is inside and he wacks himself a good one in surprise.

Dick is smiling gentlydown at him, still gripping his elbow to steady him.

“That sounded like ithurt,” is a failed attempt at a joke because the mirth doesn’t reach the darkblue of Dick’s eyes.

Oh. OH. Welp, that’swhere Dami got this nonsense from, is it?

His stern lecture isgoing to have to wait for at least one cup of half-way decent coffee because hereally need to wind it up so the message hits home.

Jay is already there,his chair pulled out from the kitchen table and the pot filled with somethingdarker than the night.

“Hi honey,” he tiredlycalls, “did my boys have a good time kicking the shit out of bad guys tonight?”

Making grabby hand athim, Dick is one of his hugging moods, and pretty much lifts him off hisfeet to nuzzle/carry him to the table where blessed coffee awaited. Fine.Lecture pending.

He gets a last goodnuzzle to the face before the smell of pizza hits and a plate appears in frontof him. Jason leans down to blow a breath across his jugular before his mouthpresses just enough to be a kiss, the usual effect takes his nerve endings up anotch or two before the tease pulls away.

The three of them eatin sluggish silence, the strain of their night jobs hitting a little close tohome. The call of a communal shower and their large, comfortable bed a siren’ssong to the over-worked, sleep-deprived do-gooders.

But Tim knows them bynow, knows what’s already running them further down.

Through the last yearof their relationship, they’d already been through the whole we’re puttingyou in danger just by being with you argument.

Yes, yes it possiblywas.

Yes, he is fullyaware.

Yes, he can make hisown choices fuck you very much.  Apparently, his no, not changing mymind is going to come out for a second time tonight.

“Robin picked me up onthe way home,” he starts out while the two of them are finishing up and lookingless likely to start up arguing before he’s made his point.

“Dami was still out?”

“What? Baby Bat ain’tget enough in that warehouse down on 23rd?”

Tim finishes off hiscoffee and finally sets his eyes on first Jason and then Dick. “Going to ask mewhat he wanted?”

Both crime fighters gostill, doing that eye slide thing they can still pull off with a domino andhelmet.

“Lay it on us,Timmers.”

“He pretty much askedwhat offer I was accepting for some mystery job half a continent away,”and now he’s glaring, eyes narrowing when Dick looks quickly away and Jasonsits back with a tense jaw jutting out.

“Which is absolutelyfucking ridiculous considering I like right where the hell I am.Where could he have heard such a thing, I wonder?”

Oh yeah, that’s Dick’sguilty expression.

“It’s fine if theywant to offer me a position, but the nice thing about it is that I can politelydecline, you know.”

“Top twenty facilitiesin the world, Timmy?” Dick’s voice is softer than he’d like, shakingly unsurefor a vigilante that literally risks his life every night to keep peoplehe doesn’t even know safe. “That’s not something to take…lightly.”

His mouth drops openwith an are you even kidding me?

“‘Sides,” Jayintejects without really looking at him, “ain’t like this is the fucking centero’ the world fer a fella like you, Sweets. Smart, sassy, moves like yerass is on fucking fire when someone’s on the line. Ya got moreguts than anyone outta the cape I ever met.”

“Gotham doesn’t haveto be the hill you die on,” Dick picks up, looking down into the sludge left atthe bottom of his coffee mug, “we would absolutely understand andsupport you if you even wanted to look into any of these places–”

“Even go ta seewhatcha might be lookin’ at,” Jay shrugs indifferently, “make sure ya’d findsomewhere safe ta build a nest.”

“The kind oftechnology they could offer you would be, like, ground-breaking stuff and…andGotham just can’t give you that, Tim.”

“No motherfuckersgonna break inta yer shit, I guaran-fucking-tee ya on that.”

“It’s not just beingin the ER or in surgery, it’s moving up to management or teaching or being afull-time researcher with grants and–and everything.”

“Make a safe routethere n’ back, you feel me? Me n’ Dickie’ll scope it out a few days, check the scene.”

“We would never wantto hold you back, baby. Not when the only thing Gotham has to offer you isexploding bridges and insane mad men that kidnap you and ninjas that are readyto attack at any second, and…and Timmy, you could never be safe, notreally, not here. Not even with us and B and Dami and everyone else,it’ll never be completely safe for you.”

“But fucking believeit, Timmers, we’ll make any place ya wanna lay yer head down as safe as wecan, yeah?”

“We…we love you, andwe want the best for you.”

“If leavin’ is what’sbest, Sweets, then we’ll make it fucking happen.”

It’s DIck’s voicecracking and Jay’s shiny, averted eyes that end it for him right then andthere.

He shoves himself upfrom the table abruptly, a jarring motion. The sound of the chair fallingbackwards a loud clatter against the softness of their voices. He keeps a handon the table top to walk around the damn thing and almost strangle Jason bylooping an arm around the base of his throat and pull the Red Hood into hischest. He holds out his other hand to Dick, glaring with the best of hisabilities.

It’s a tremulous thingwhen Dick rises tiredly out of his seat and takes that hand, lets Tim pull himover and secure the both of them to him.

“I’m going to say thisbecause it’s obvious the two of you are too tired to use your detective skillsfor anything more than superficial clues.”

Slowly, Jay’s face isin his stomach, arms wrapping around his waist while Dick secures his chest,the two of them almost holding him up.

“After all thefighting I’ve had to do to get here, to get this far, I’m not giving up jackshit. I run the gauntlet because that exactly where I want to be. I staywith my people because that’s my fucking team and no, I don’t wantor need another. I can watch Layla grow up into this kick ass little person andmake sure Steph has someone to Netflix and chill with while we kill a pint ofBen & Jerry’s. But what matters the most, what I can’t fucking give upis being here with the two of you in whatever capacity I can. Asyour boyfriend, as your surgeon, as the guy that is totally, you know, inlove with you. As someone that can share your lives like this. All of it isexactly what I want and what I get to choose. You two? Don’t get to tellme what’s best for me. I decide that. Got it?”

The quiet, still menattached to him give half-shuffling nods where they’re buried in him.

“I don’t want to hearanything else about leaving Gotham, like at all, okay? The answer is no.I’m not going anywhere to tour the facilities or listen to stupid speechesabout what they have to offer or how good the benefits package is. None of thatshit. They can’t offer me my ER, they can’t offer me time doing research in theBatCave, they can’t let me play around with alien DNA for a minute, and theycan’t give me you two. So? No. Case closed.”

Dick lets up justenough for him to tilt Jay’s head back and lean down to slide their lipstogether, giving the Red Hood a little something to seal the deal. Those eyesare bluer when he pulls back, making him smirk before he straightens up to giveDick the same treatment.

(Because they’re bothtall, he has to pull them down to effectively fuck his tongue in their mouths.Such a pain in the ass.)

When he pulls back,Dick gasps in a little, tightens his hold around Tim’s chest.

But the reliefpervades the air between them, giving him a reason to go a little more lax,just to feel them pretty much ready to hold him up completely.

“So the plan is,”he continues easily, one hand on the back of Jay’s neck to rub the tensionaway, and the other gripping Dick’s wrist tight enough to bruise tomorrow, “weget a nice, hot shower with plenty of scrubbing and maybe a little play time.Then, we climb in bed and pass the fuck out. You can fix your suits tomorrow,and we’ll all feel up to having dangerous acrobatic vigilante sex after about eight hours. If you’re both good,I’ll…I’ll wear that thing you got me for my birthday. Deal?”

He knows he’s alreadygot their acquiescence when both his boyfriends noticeably perk.

“That sounds like adeal to me,” Dick tries to be mock-grave, but he’s laughing in the back ofTim’s neck, running his nose over the knob of bone.

“Fucking righteous,Sweetheart. I been waiting ta see that.” Jay is grinning up at him with thatlook– all kinds of anticipation without any of the previous hesitation.

“Good. Peel yourselvesoff of me and lets get naked. For mostly clean purposes. Or not. Really, I’mpretty beyond compromised, so I’d probably like to make you both come at leastonce before I’m unconscious.”

“Sweet-talker,” Dickteases and steps to the side so he can be the first to lift their civilianboyfriend up in a princess hold that has become way too reminiscent in the pasttwo months.

“He’s just talkin’ my language, ‘at’s all, Baby Boy,” Jaystands to give him a fast n’ dirty before he gets their mugs to the sink andfills them with water to wash tomorrow. He hits the lights and follows his boysdown the hallway where slippery skin and things like I’m not giving upare waiting.

[codyrichards91]

How To Learn About Reiki Amazing Tricks

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[cookinguptales]

update: lmao I am so fucking doped up right now. sorry to the world that I got behind on shimamatsu translations, but have you ever tried to translate while on muscle relaxants? it’s a bad scene. god, I’m in a lot of pain rn.

gonna talk about some of the movies from the film festival below the cut. doped up af but I’ve seen like 14 movies so far, hella. tomorrow I probably have to skip bc I just took two cyclos and that is gonna fuck me the hell up.

movies I’d recommend:

thelma a norwegian film which is basically a coming-of-age story for a fundie christian girl who goes to college and realizes she’s a lesbian. oh, and that she has insane supernatural powers. (it’s kind of carrie-ish but with canon f/f, but imo a lot better than carrie.) the love story is really interesting, if incredibly dark. like if you’re in the mood for dark, kind of mindfuck-y f/f, this is your film. despite the very long upcoming list of potential triggers, it’s not as scary or brutal as it sounds. lmao. highly recommended, probably the film I’ve enjoyed most so far. (tw: violence, nudity, drug use, death, [spoilers] child abuse, possible mind control, child death)

custody a french film based on a short film that I saw a few years ago, and it’s fantastic and gut-wrenching. the short film was about a woman running away from her abusive husband with her children; this feature-length film is about what happens when a stupid judge ignores what both the wife and children have to say and gives him joint custody. (spoilers: it doesn’t end well.) interestingly, it has all the same cast as the original short film, though the kids are markedly older. idk if it’s meant to be a straight sequel or if one just inspired the other. really well done, tho, I was fuckin white-knuckling it in the theater. people were like. yelling. the climax of that film is INTENSE. probably the best quality film we’ve seen so far, though I think the plot could’ve been tightened up a little. (tw: very explicit depictions of physical and emotional abuse, very terrifying moments. [spoilers] but no child death.)

I, Tonya tonya harding biopic. I’m not really a big one for biopics, but this was a good one. it tried to explain how harding’s life led her to where she got, but didn’t necessarily paint her as some innocent victim. it was sympathetic where it needed to be, empathetic where it needed to be, but rarely let her get away with bullshit. lot of good performances here, but Margot Robbie (even though she looked way too old for the part) did a great job. (tw: explicit child/spousal abuse)

the villainess Korean lady-gets-revenge-on-shitty-men bloody action flick. not really my genre, admittedly, but I feel like anyone who likes this kind of movie would really enjoy this one. very Kill Bill-esque. it’s the story of this girl who basically gets passed around between illicit assassination organizations, in-fighting, revenge on all those who wronged her, etc. it is Very Bloody and many people die. the action scenes are HQ if you are into that kind of thing. I was mostly invested in the huge amounts of f/f potential. like at one point she joins an assassin organization where all the operatives are female and that whole part of the movie!! was very gay!! the actual canon relationships are het, but there is a strong potential for dark f/f murderwives here. (tw: haha oh boy if it’s a problem it’s probably here. implied CSA, child abuse, creepy relationships, violence, gore, nudity, child death, everyone else death, non-con facial surgery...like it’s bloody af okay...)

love means zero this is a documentary about nick bollettieri, who’s this super famous tennis coach. (apparently.) I knew next to nothing about the world of professional tennis going into this documentary, but I still enjoyed it bc wtf this guy is a piece of work. it’s basically all about how he fucked over a ton of people (especially kids) when he was trying to make tennis champions. and how he succeeded! by fucking over a ton of people! the interviews with him are honestly kind of wild bc he’s just such a crazy narcissist. this was especially weird for me to watch bc I grew up in the sarasota/bradenton area and never even knew all this shit was going on there. it was weird seeing my hometown on the screen like that, but also interesting. (tw: child abuse, just generally being a fuckboi)

MOVIES THAT WERE OKAY but like I had Issues

brimstone and glory I feel like I really recommend going out to see this one if you can see it on the big screen. it’s a documentary about a fireworks festival in Mexico and honestly the cinematography is stunning. it’s just so, so, so cool. but the actual documentary part is kind of boring sometimes, and you gotta have a strong stomach bc it also shows some of the injuries people get at this insane festival. like I don’t think showing that is a bad thing; I think it’s the only responsible way to make a documentary about this festival. like it’s amazing, it’s so cool, but also these people are like. going blind, losing hands, dying. and taking their kids!! like if you cannot handle watching kids in dangerous situations, don’t go!! dad was freaking out, lmao. (tw: graphic depiction of real-life injuries)

radiance a Japanese film about a woman who writes audio description for blind movie-goers. the same director made An (Sweet Bean Paste) a couple years ago, which was notable for its depiction of what Japan does to its citizens who have Hansen’s Disease. (leprosy.) it was weird to me when that movie came out that none of the reviewers really talked about that aspect of the movie; they were all like “UGH IT WAS SO POINTLESS AND CLOYING” and I’m like “did you miss the point of the movie?? which was critiquing the social ostracization of these people in Japanese society??? did that completely go over your heads????” anyway, I appreciated the depiction of PWD in Japan bc having lived there while disabled, I know that shit isn’t easy. that’s why I went to go see radiance. it was...okay? I think the most interesting part was when they let the blind characters talk. the movie was otherwise pretty pretentious and self-indulgent. lmao. like... it’s a rent, don’t buy situation.

marlina the murderer in four acts this movie was not bad! it’s an indonesian film about a woman whose home is invaded and she kills all the invaders. it’s definitely a film that critiques misogyny in indonesian culture, but I feel like it undercut its own message by showing such incredibly graphic rapes. like honestly, I don’t really ever recommend movies that have very graphic rape scenes, but I guess she does end up killing her rapists during the rape scenes. I just. I feel like it could have been done in a way that won’t get people all sexually excited while watching a violent rape. : / y’know? other than that, though, I really liked the female characters in the movie and sympathized with marlina’s journey trying to get society to help her and realizing she had to just go it alone with her female friends. bc like. she’s attacked by men, but she’s also revictimized by shitty ordinary men all the time she’s trying to get to town, report the attack, etc. and so are the other female cahracters. so they just. have to be vigilantes. (tw: GRAPHIC rape, violence, mild gore, spousal abuse)

newton Indian film about a guy going out to the jungle to get votes in the main election. but like. none of the people out there even know who the candidates are, there’s a lot of anti-government violene, the villagers are caught between anarchists and the police, it’s just a mess. and I do think the movie was good at showing the futility of it all and showing how the people who really end up getting fucked over are the poor people in rural areas, but at the same time like. pacing was uneven, tone was ???, and I found the protagonist irritating. and there was what appeared to be some pasted on het which made no sense. (like honestly I cannot figure out why she ever wanted to talk to his dumb ass again.)

blade of the immortal it’s takashi miike making blade of the immortal. I mean. I feel like if you are familiar with those names, you already know if you want to see it or not. if you aren’t, idk how much you’d like it anyway. after already having watched miike’s ace attorney adaptation, I sense a pattern. the guy just looks at a HUGE corpus (like a VG with 5 cases, or a manga with 40 volumes) and is like “welll....then I guess we better make things fast.” so you have Big Bads being introduced in the same breath that they get killed, 30-second backstories, just a frenetic pace and a huge amount of information, and it’s confusing and overwhelming if you don’t already know it. and honestly, I haven’t read BotI so I can’t say how faithful this was. but if you already love the characters and just want miike’s trademark bloody action flick style, then I mean. fair enough. this here’s a bloodbath. I had a hard time getting emotionally invested as a fresh viewer, tho. highlight of the evening: an old man walking out grumbling about how he only likes classy martial arts movies, and apparently this did not qualify. having seen a lot of classics of the martial arts genre, still unsure what a “classy” martial arts film looks like. (tw: offscreen rape, death, blood, gore, just an unreasonable amount of killing honestly like it was funny by the end, attempted CSA)

gemini this is a “neo-noir” thriller. so essentially a murder mystery. unfortunately, the title of the movie basically gives away the entire story lmao. so while the build-up wasn’t bad, the entire last 15-20 minutes of the movie are a total letdown. it was nice to see canon f/f, I guess, but I feel like the movie never went in hard enough on that. like were they trying to make a point about how hard it is for celebrities to have same-sex relationships? I’m not sure!! I can think of a lot of things that would make this plot more interesting, but they just didn’t do them. acting was fine, I guess. John Cho was in it, even if his character was pointless. Zoe Kravitz is always fun. (tw: I mean it’s a murder mystery. so...murder.)

DID NOT ENJOY

scaffolding (israeli film, boring af)

the workshop (french film, kind of boring, makes questionable points about neo-nazis)

[smokesontheroof]

OOooh Okay  So I was tagged by @andrewminyarrr ! Thanks for tagging, Idk if you realized what you were gonna be in for.  Prepare. This is actually going to be good because I can see visually where all my projects are instead of having a billion different lists ok. This could get long. Ahhh I’m not going to tag anyone because this kinda got away from me lol please consider yourself tagged if you want to do it! Do This: List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets, whatever. 1) A piece! (Actually probably 4- one “big” one and 3-4 little ones) for the Dishonored Big Bang!!!  I’ve been putting this off because I had been working so long on my Give Your Back to Me Zine comic but now I’m fighting a deadline and it’s A LIL stressful but I like what I’ve got so far I just hope it’s ok??? I’ve never done a Big Bang before so I hope I’m on the right track haaahaaha. 

2) A piece for the AFTG Big Bang! Which I still need to get started on so I don’t actually have a physical WiP but I’ve got WiPs on my mind so it counts ok haha.

3) A Check,Please! Related commission (Jackparse (aka Jack Zimmermann/Kent Parson)) which I am SO eager to work on I have to force myself to work on these other things first. Self denial man. I am....not very good at it. Regardless, I’m super excited about it. I have Plans. (Commission info here)

4) Another OmgCP commish (of Ransom <33) Still in thumbnail stage.

5) A non-fandom commish for a long time commissioner for an opening/closing title page for his podcast....this is one of the things I have been putting off to work on number 3 >.> 

6) Another non-fandom commission to fill a sketchbook. I’m working with the commissioner’s rpg characters and the world in which it’s set which is SUPER cool, but also there’s SO MUCH freedom It’s kind of intimidating and it makes me freeze up whenever I think about working on it so THAT S NOT VERY FUN. but I got some good progress done on a page yesterday so there’s hope for this weekend.

Wip images Here and Here

ok ok now we’re on to purely personal projects with no deadlines/obligations (but also things I haven’t worked on in months and might not work on for more months) So I’m gonna put this under a cut cuz this could get long and irrelevant

7)  I sketched out a couple things based on this post >.> by @fabbittle So I kinda hope to finish that this weekend but I mean look at the rest of what I’ve got going on haaaahaha so who knows. 8) Uhhhhhh I’ve got a sketchpage (2 actually??) of some characters that Idk I felt ‘em for a while but now I’m not entirely sure if I liked the trajectory i had so I might want to revisit. but it was like. a Catholic-raised, trans, werewolf photographer (read: complete self insert), a park ranger, and a medical examiner and like they’re good sketches, I like where the character designs were headed but idk shit about story. 9) A LONG TIME AGO I was planning on doing some mock magazine illustrations and layouts about my fam’s (fam = myself, gf, & our partners) homestead kinda thing...like the ideas are still good, I still like them, so once this summer calms down (got the above listed projects, top surgery, a trip out west, etc. lots of things going on) I would like to revisit those. 10) A LONG LONG time ago (idk like a year and half maybe 2 lol) I was working on a tarot deck. I have more sketches than these two but: The Fool The Magician And then there’s the list of things that I kind of count as works in progress because I think about them a lot. This is my “To Draw” list. I already have a pretty extensive one for AFTG typed out -I really want to draw some of the *places* from TRC like Adam’s parents’ trailer, 300 Fox Way,Cabeswater, etc. -I want to do a couple tarot inspired drawings of the Raven Boys (and others) My Check Please To-Draw list - I want to try my hand at doing portraits of Actual Hockey Players in the same vein as these pieces:  Jack Kent Georgia -storyboard of Jack & Kents feelings regarding eachother post-OD inspired by and directly correlating to (in the form of music video storyboards/comic) the song “Hate Me” by Blue October -MORE NHL!BITTY -something with Bad Bob, Uncle Wayne and Uncle Mario -Kent Parson + crop top + desert -MORE PUNK AU -Bitty in the penalty box (based on that gif of Conor Sheary) “PLAY PROUD” magazine covers/spreads (aka my fake gay sports magazine that I have too much fun thinking about) I already have THIS ONE and then I’ve got this one as a thumbnail but I’d like to revisit that, and I’d like to DO MORE using it as a platform for illustration&text about aftg and omgcp. <3 With that in mind I forgot I also want to draw literally all these fictional athletes at the olympics.

[vileart]

Liz Richardson and Tara Robinson

Gutted

Pleasance Dome (Jack Dome), 1 Bristo Square, Edinburgh, EH8 9AL Wednesday 2nd – Sunday 13th August 2017, 14:40

Liz Richardson has an embarrassing problem and these yogurts aren’t helping! Here, she shares her real life experiences of living as a twenty-something with a chronic bowel condition called ulcerative colitis, similar to Crohn’s Disease. 

A shameless tale of love, laughter and lavatories, Gutted (co-produced by The Conker Group and HOME) is a pastiche of the many people Liz has met on her journey, from hospital staff to complete strangers, patients to friends. With a contemporary aesthetic, visceral moments and a love story bubbling underneath, Gutted, co-created with theatre maker Tara Robinson, is an engaging investigation into how we think about illness and the boundaries that cause us to feel shame. Sitting on top of a subtle celebration of the healthcare system, it explores how we treat each other and form relationships, the nature of hidden disabilities and femininity in the face of an embarrassing physical condition. 

What was the inspiration for this performance? Liz: Gutted is based on real life moments from my life since being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis (an Inflammatory Bowel Disease). I didn’t start out thinking “I’m going to make a show about what’s happening to me” but I did spend a huge amount of time doing what I love best, people-watching! I love observing people’s eccentricities, the way they talk and move, and the way that others interact with them, and I started noting these down.  I trialled some of these notes made from this period into a stand-up routine as soon as I was fit and in remission, and then this routine developed into a richer and more theatrical performance as soon as I had been introduced to director/writer Tara. Is performance still a good space for the public

discussion of ideas? Tara: Undoubtedly yes. We’re very proud of the way Gutted invites audience members to actively engage with each other about illness and shame and provokes them into quite immediate conversation with each other. We’ve observed this at work in the minutes after the show. But we’re also proud of the way that as a publicly shared artwork it is also part of a wider dialogue that asks questions about how we view ill health and how want to treat each other.  I think the performed experience,  the act of sharing space with others, is hugely powerful as a tool for evoking empathy and bringing people together to reflect, engage and converse. We do feel however that how it reaches all of the potential audiences that it could benefit from is still a work-in-progress.  With Gutted we’re testing a model that tours to

hospitals and patient groups, asking audiences to meet us there in what is often a socially neutral space rather than an arts venue which often isn’t. This is a step towards broadening the discussion amongst a wider public. How did you become interested in making performance? Liz: I trained at Acting School for 4 years and left, like most others, with this enthusiasm for my future career and raring to go and be ‘found’...and, like most others, well, it didn’t quite go that way and I was unfortunate enough to become poorly. 

Despite having the few acting jobs here and there, I never really felt I was getting anywhere, with this disease continually rearing its ugly head. It was at this point I decided to start making the work for myself when I could do nothing more than rest up. And once I had started creating and had started to learn how to play with my own material, I found myself introducing myself to others as a Theatre Maker before saying I was an actor.  There was a whole new wave of freedom in creating a piece of theatre which reads exactly as I had imagined and which I could access when ready rather than fitting into everyone else’s schedule. It was a wonderful time for me creating

Gutted with Tara and it has spurred me on to continue creating my own work. Is there any particular approach to the making of the show? Tara: The show began with a process involving a detailed sharing of Liz’s autobiographical experiences and memories with me and the collation of these into themes and events. The real work began when we started to discuss the effect we wanted to have on an audience with these though. Liz felt strongly that she didn’t want to speak in the piece “as herself” because of how it might make an audience feel, so we devised a number of rules that meant she couldn’t. The first of these was that Liz would impersonate a dizzying array of characters, all those she met along the way, and the audience would be cast as “Liz”. Whenever we hit an obstacle within this form and the material wouldn’t work, we would try an alternative, resulting in a piece that mixes a whole range of ingredients: voiceover, audience participation, video, food and impersonation. If there was any one approach that could be used to describe our process it would be collaboration. The show wouldn’t exist without one or the other of us and the marriage of our artistic tastes. Does the show fit with your usual productions? Tara: I’m really drawn to making work about something I hear about or see in society that can be picked apart, that gives me space to challenge how we relate to each other. In that respect Gutted certainly fits with my other work. It’s about how we think about and deal with illness, and especially the kind of illness that is shit related. But it’s also like my recent work because it’s aesthetic is playful, the narrative fragmented, and it plays around with form to interrogate the content. This said, when we started making it I had never worked with autobiographical material and never made a show about something I had no personal vested interest in. That process was definitely new and very exciting, and the piece is possibly more narratively driven than the work I am making this year.

What do you hope that the audience will experience? Liz: My hope in making this piece is for it to be received with total open-mindedness. That audiences will feel that they can relate with it whatever their background or experience. That they can converse with each other and with those who haven’t seen it, about matters of everyday illness and health; relationships and struggles. I want the audience to feel part of the experience, needed and included. I also hope that they will laugh! What strategies did you consider towards

shaping this audience experience? Tara: Liz’s characterisations are really wide-ranging and they offer a very broad spectrum of perspectives and responses to how the people around her dealt with her illness. It is these that offer comedy and empathy as part of the audience experience and because they are offered largely without comment, they offer space too for reflection.  But in pursuit of making the experience welcoming and shared, we also wanted to ask our audience to interact more directly with the piece and so Liz invites them to read key messages from her mother and partner in exchange for cake or beer. We were nervous of this element to start with (we don’t always like audience participation ourselves!), but we feel very happy now that we have crafted a mode of interaction that involves a willing exchange and also reflects the story.  Also important in the work is the fact that the body being discussed is in the space. It sounds obvious, but this is Liz’s story and this is her body that’s been through this illness. Rather than explaining the medical processes that it has undergone through a video or slideshow, Liz paints her guts onto her tummy, indicating where things were operated on and reminding us of the authenticity of her body and voice.

Gutted is a frank, funny and compelling autobiographical exploration of living with an inflammatory bowel disease. Liz comments, Enough sh*t, let's talk frankly: I'm a woman who doesn't poo flowers out her bum. I'm exposing myself in hopes that more people will do the same. In an age of Instagram filters, this show attempts to give audiences the courage to find joy in the unedited journey of life, with its ups and downs and the relationships that guide you on it. Liz underwent surgery to have her colon removed when she was 28 and lived for a period with an ileostomy bag (or stoma bag) before having a ‘reversal’ which involves the creation of an internal pouch. She lives without pain now, but needs to manage and regulate her physical wellbeing carefully. While Liz is able to control her illness to a certain degree, this hidden disability does have its limitations and the shorter Edinburgh run reflects her awareness of potential physical fatigue.

from the vileblog http://ift.tt/2s50595

[jordan202]

My Boys: Beneath the Surface - Chapter 1

Hey Guys, I am back :)

So, as previously mentioned, I am starting a new multi chapter. This one sets 5 years after the events of MBBD. It will mainly focus on Omelia and Amelia’s relationship with her family, how it affects the dynamics of her marriage to Owen and the repercussions her trouble past has in her life up to this moment. 

Thank you to the lovely @jia911 for proofreading this overnight. You are my team!

 My Boys – Beneath the Surface: Chapter 1

 “I really don’t know how to thank you enough.”

At the sound of the words, Amelia’s mother in law turned around with a sympathetic smile on her face.

“There is no need to thank me, I’ve told you that,” The elderly woman added with a gentle nod, genuinely happy for being able to help. A couple of hours before, Amelia had called her to ask if Evelyn had any idea how to cook Spanish and Moroccan food and Owen’s mother had immediately stepped in to help, driving over to her son’s house to give the neurosurgeon a hand with the cooking.

The school to which Amelia’s kids went to was having an international fair to celebrate cultural diversity and much to Amelia’s dismay each student in the class of her eight year old twins was in charge of taking local food from a few selected countries.  

“If I can’t cook our own food,” Amelia said with a teasing smile, “how do they expect me to cook stuff I’ve never even tried before?”

“Oh, but you’ll love this dish,” Evelyn lightheartedly added, mixing the ingredients next to the stove. She was cooking a Spanish tortilla that consisted basically of eggs and potatoes and seemed very easy to serve. “Owen used to ask me to cook this when he was younger. I am pretty sure we’re going to have to save some for him,” Evelyn turned her head around and looked at her daughter in law with mischief in her eyes, “But don’t worry, I’m making more than enough.”

“I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks your son eats like he’s been starved for the past year,” Amelia said with good humor. “And by the looks of it, it seems like my sons are just the same.”

Evelyn shared a heartfelt laughter with her daughter in law, clearly enjoying herself. The two women spent the rest of the afternoon in the kitchen, casually talking while Amelia washed the dishes and Evelyn took care of all the cooking.

.

Owen strode around the supermarket, watching as a very excited Megan had a hard time staying still inside the shopping cart.

“Meg, sit down, you’re going to hurt yourself,” Owen said gently but firmly.

The five year old did as told, clearing space among the groceries to finally sit.

“Dad, can we get ice cream for dessert today?” She turned her neck around and used her best puppy eyes to convince him. “But not that strawberry kind that Lucas likes, I want the one he likes the least.”

“Why?” Owen frowned while stopping at the cereal section to load the cart.

“Because,” Megan replied with serene logic. “If you get one he likes he’ll just end up eating everything like he always does.”

Owen let out a loud chuckle and promised Megan they would get enough of whichever flavor she chose. Reaching out for his pocket, he picked up a sheet he’d left hung on the refrigerator earlier that morning. When Owen had said he planned to go out grocery shopping, Amelia had mentioned their twin sons had a school assignment that required some special ingredients and coincidentally, Thomas had asked for a special kind of glue to finish his art project.

As a way of simplifying things, Owen had scribbled “Write down what you need” on a piece of white paper and hung it on the fridge with magnets. Thomas had written his request on it and Owen could also distinguish Lucas’ scrawl asking for sweets and the cereal brand of his preference. The twins had followed adding the list of ingredients their teacher had given them for the recipes they were supposed to take and at last, Owen noticed his wife’s elegant calligraphy as he read the two final words on the list that made him involuntarily laugh: Your smile.

Her unexpected and adorable addition brought a large smile to Owen’s face. Unable to contain a chuckle, he finished getting the items on the list with the always cheerful help of his daughter, hurrying to get back home in time to start preparing dinner.

.

Much to Owen’s surprise, he found his mother already with dinner halfway prepared the minute he made it home.

“Didn’t you say we were going to make paella?” Owen protested, lifting the bag with the ingredients he’d just gone out to get at the same time he stared at his wife questioningly.

“Why make it hard when you can make it so simple?” Evelyn intervened, justifying their change of traditional Spanish dish.

“Your mom said it, not me,” Amelia looked at Owen with a semi apologetic smile, but the amusement was clear in her eyes. It was obvious she agreed with Evelyn.

“I thought you were doing all the cooking for Danny and Robbie’s school thing?” Owen raised both eyebrows as he turned around to face her before putting the fresh ingredients in the fridge.

“Yeah, right,” Amelia’s disbelief was clear on her face as she let out a loud chuckle, clearly having fun. She had pretty much no talent in the kitchen and other than fixing a quick meal of semi cooked pasta or scrambling eggs, there wasn’t much she would venture herself with.

Owen playfully nodded his head in disapproval and carried the leftover bags to the pantry to stock the rest of the groceries. From a distance, he could hear the excited chatter coming from the kitchen and it only got louder when Megan joined in, excitedly stepping in when her grandmother asked if she wanted to help with the cooking. Something his daughter did made the two women crack up and Owen distinguished the sound of Amelia’s musical laughter vibrating in the air.

The trauma surgeon couldn’t contain a smile once he realized that the three most important women of his life were obviously enjoying each other’s company.  Over a decade before, when he’d married Amelia, it didn’t take her long to develop a close relationship with his mother. Years later, she had also come to perform a surgery that saved Evelyn’s life, tightening the bond between the two. The fact that Megan had been born that same week had only helped to bring the two women together and include the little girl in their special attachment.

Owen knew that his wife didn’t have a close relationship with her family and that they didn’t see each other much. He had always been close to his parents, developing an ever closer relationship to his mother and sister after his father had passed away. And then for a while, it had been just him and Evelyn. Owen regretted the years he’d spent neglecting his mother after being so damaged by the traumas in the war but even without meaning to, Amelia had helped him regain proximity with his mother.

Right after he’d married her, she and Evelyn had hit it off pretty quickly and in his mom, Amelia found a very caring and affectionate mother figure. When their first son was born, Evelyn had been of great help caring for the baby and the routine repeated itself every time they added a new member to the family or when the kids were on school break. Owen had long ago stopped being surprised when he came home and found his wife in the company of his mother. Even though sometimes he would accuse them of ganging up on him, Owen never really meant it because he knew that deep down, it was lovely how close the two of them had become.

Strained relationships between mother in laws and wives were very cliché and he was happy that over the years Amelia had once again grown to organically break all the expectations, uniting with Evelyn over the common love they shared for Owen and the kids, instead of unconsciously competing over it. To Owen, it just proved how kindhearted and mature his wife had become. She openly admitted how grateful she was for getting the chance to build their own happy, functional family and he knew that not a day went by when Amelia took it for granted. Her attitude was not only inspiring, it was contaminating, and Owen felt just as lucky to be able to live the dream they’d been through so much to create.

Evelyn stayed for dinner and for the rest of the night, Owen kept busy helping out Thomas with his art project. Unlike his father, the eleven year old was very talented in detailed manual work and even though Thomas could skillfully craft the miniature house he was building with wood sticks, it really helped to have his father applying glue to the assemble as he did it.

“Remind me why you’re building pillars?” Owen frowned, seeing the two story house take formation. Thomas' assignment was to craft a miniature house but unsurprisingly, his son hadn’t settled for creating something simple, choosing to add more walls and a second pavement to the project instead.

“Because Kate said hers would be better but it won’t,” Thomas replied with an ambitious grin. “So I am building a model of our house to prove her wrong.”

Owen chuckled and ruffled Tom’s hair, playfully shaking his head in denial. Thomas had always been good friends with Jo and Alex’s oldest child and they were always friendly fighting for the top of their class. As long as they kept the competitiveness on a healthy level, Owen thought it was a good thing the two kids stimulated each other to do better.

After another twenty minutes, Thomas finally decided they’d done enough and Owen could at last relax after a full day. He kissed Thomas goodnight and checked in on Lucas, who was already in his room watching television. Imagining the youngest kids were already in bed, Owen made his way to his bedroom, eager to finish the day in the company of his wife.

Even though Owen didn’t regret it one bit, having five young kids was a handful of work and at times, he wondered how they were able to manage. Among school projects, homework, extracurricular and sports activities and leisure time, he didn’t remember the last five minutes of peace he’d had. Things like reading the newspaper in the morning or sleeping in on weekends had become a luxury. Despite the full day, it was still relatively early so Owen smiled to himself, imagining that maybe that night, Amelia would be up for staying up late for a very good cause. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d had more than ten minutes to themselves and the idea of being alone with her made Owen anxiously stride to their room.

He was already thinking of ways to slowly undress his wife when, after he crossed the door to his room, his dirty smile vanished the moment Owen saw his bed had been taken over.

Amelia was already lying there as he’d imagined, but she wasn’t alone. Robbie peacefully slept lying between his mother’s legs with his head resting on her lap, while Megan and Danny were still wide awake, watching a children’s movie on the television.

“You guys are still up,” Owen tried to control his disappointment.

Amelia’s eyes met his and he could swear she smiled mischievously, as knowing exactly what was going on in her husband’s head.

“Yes, but it’s past their bedtime,” Amelia informed the kids, playfully squeezing Megan’s nose when the little girl protested.

“Can’t we at least finish the movie, mom?” Danny bargained with adorable begging eyes.

“Nope,” Amelia replied decisively. “It’ll run for at least another hour and you guys have watched it way too many times,” she added, gently shifting on the bed trying not to wake up Robbie. “Give me a kiss goodnight.”

Danny promptly did as told, being closely followed by Megan. But when Amelia handed Robbie over to Owen, he heard the little girl asking:

“Mom, can I sleep here tonight?” She skillfully made her way beneath the covers. “Please?”

Amelia once again made eye contact with her husband and saw the shadow of physical pain behind the blue of his eyes. She wanted to laugh but tried her hardest not to.

“Can she, dad?” Amelia provoked looking up to her husband, knowing very well that even though Owen really wanted the kids in their beds as soon as possible, he would hardly say no to such a sweet request from his daughter.

“Yes,” Owen dryly replied. When Megan excitedly celebrated, not for the first time he felt guilty for wishing that for at least twenty minutes a day, they got a break from the kids. Truth is, he loved them too much to even consider being without them.

The trauma surgeon took the twins to their rooms and tucked them in. Upon his return, Amelia and Megan were already lying beneath the covers with the lights off. Letting out a conformed sigh, Owen went to bed too, feeling his daughter’s arms instantly wrapping around his neck, clinging to him as she stole all space available.

He closed his eyes and let out an amused sigh through his nose, involuntarily laughing at his own predicament. Very gently, Owen turned to his side and placed the little girl on the mattress, seeing she was already too deeply asleep to wake up with the movement.

“Do you want to take her to her room?” Amelia whispered in the dark.

Owen propped his head on his elbow and stared at his sleeping child. She looked like a little angel.

“Nah,” He replied, pulling the covers to make sure she wasn’t cold.

Even though it was dark, Amelia noticed the mesmerized look on her husband’s face as he stared at their daughter. Megan really was adorable and just like her brothers, at the end of the day, gave all meaning to their lives.

“You want to have sex, don’t you?” Amelia provoked her husband, muffling her laughter at his startled expression.

“Shhh!” Owen censored her for using the word, childishly covering Megan’s ear with his hand.

“She is asleep,” Amelia justified, leaning over their daughter to give the girl a kiss on the head. “She can’t hear us.”

“How do you know?” Owen defensively asked with a whisper.

Amelia playfully rolled her eyes and got comfortable on the bed, feeling her body relax from the intense day. Owen was already half asleep when he heard his wife’s voice resonating in the room again.

“Don’t you ever just look at the kids and wonder what the heck have we done?” Amelia asked with good humor, turning to her side to face her husband.

Owen furrowed his brown heavily, apparently offended with the question.

“Of course not!” He rejected her supposition completely.

Amelia couldn’t help laughing at his outrage.

“You are way too politically correct,” She teased him, reaching out her hand to grab his. “I am not saying this is a permanent feeling, it’s not. I actually feel incredibly guilty when I think that so the thought only lasts for like, two milliseconds,” She confessed. “But come on! You have to admit it… Don’t you just wish they could be locked in Neverland for at least a little while so you could enjoy some quality, worry free moments from time to time?” Amelia asked with sincerity, making Owen lighten up. “I mean, when was the last time you didn’t have to worry about absolutely anything?”

“Before I met you,” Owen replied with mock pretense, clearly provoking her. Amelia’s laughter warmed his heart and he gently rubbed his thumb on her open palm, enjoying her touch. “Nah, I am kidding… I actually can’t remember what it’s like not to worry. I mean,” Owen turned his head to face her. “I thought worrying about my unit in the army would be the biggest responsibility of a lifetime, but then I became Chief of Surgery…” He added with a playful voice. “Then, you happened,” Owen teased her, seeing Amelia scowling at him in response. “And just when I thought my worrying days had reached its limit, I became a dad. It’s like I can’t catch a break.”

“And they just kept coming, right?” Amelia thought out loud.

“The kids?”

“No, the reasons to worry.”

“Oh,” Owen thought about it for a second, realizing how right she was. “Absolutely.”

“But yeah, the kids too, I guess,” Amelia decided with a lighthearted tone, smiling when she met her husband’s eyes in the darkness. The neurosurgeon stayed quiet for long seconds, apparently immersed in deep thought but soon after, Owen heard her voice again. “Do you ever think how it would be if we’d done things differently?”

“What do you mean?” Owen quizzically asked, more interested in the conversation.

“Well, how our lives would be if we didn’t have the kids. Or if we only had one or two like we initially planned.”

“Amelia, you have always said you wanted a lot of kids and so did I.” Owen argued.

“Yeah, but remember how after Tommy we decided to stop?” Amelia asked with a broken voice. “What were we thinking? We were so stupid back then.”

“What?” Owen chuckled at her spontaneous confession.

“Just imagine the insane amount of happiness we would be missing out on if we didn’t have the twins or Megan, or even Tom and Luke.”

“Didn’t you just say you wanted to ship them to Neverland?”

“No,” Amelia frowned, looking deeply offended. “That’s not what I said.”

“Then, what did you say?” Owen raised one eyebrow at her, having fun with how worked up she was getting.

Amelia seemed to ponder his question for a few seconds, processing her answer before opening her mouth to talk.

“I said that even though sometimes I wish I could get a five minute break, I really don’t, you know?” She played with Owen’s index finger between hers, idly staring at the ceiling while lost in thought. “I mean, even though these five brats drive me close to exhaustion nearly every day, I feel like I live and breathe for them. And I absolutely can’t imagine myself being happy without any of you.” Amelia confessed, letting her husband know of the important role he played in her life too.

“Yeah,” Owen agreed, closing his fingers around her hand and bringing it closer to give his wife a gentle kiss on her knuckles. “I feel the exact same way.” He seemed to struggle with his thoughts for a second before finally admitting. “I guess sometimes I do ask myself why we decided to have kids in the first place,” He smiled sheepishly at the confession when their eyes met. “But all it takes is one look at either of them to make me instantly remember and regret my doubts.”

Amelia grinned, happy to realize she wasn’t the only one who felt like that.

“It would be pretty cool to send them to Neverland, though,” She teased, chuckling at her realization. “This way, they’d never have to grow up.”

Owen smiled at her admission and watched as Amelia gently wrapped one arm around Megan, snuggling next to the little girl at the same time she protectively held her.

“Owen?” Amelia’s whisper broke the silence after a few minutes. “Are you sleeping?”

“I am trying to,” He did his best to hide his smile at his teasing reply.

“I spoke to Meredith today,” Amelia shared, letting out a sigh of frustration. “She is not going to the wedding.”

Owen rubbed his eyes, fighting off sleep. He knew that conversation would probably take more than a few minutes.

“Did she say why?”

“Not really,” Amelia replied, playing with a nonexistent loose thread on her pillow case. “I mean, I didn’t expect her to go in the first place anyway but as usual she just made up a sad excuse about work as a way to justify her absence.”

“Well, I can’t say I am surprised.”

In a few weeks, Owen and Amelia were traveling to the East Coast to attend Amelia’s oldest sister’s wedding. A few years before, after visiting Amelia and realizing how unhappy and frozen in time her life was, Nancy had gone back home and turned the table around. A few months later, she had divorced the husband with whom she hadn’t had a real relationship in nearly a decade, gotten closer to her kids and soon after started dating again. Now, a couple of years after meeting someone very special, Nancy was going to remarry and Amelia had planned with months in advance some free time at work so that she and Owen could spend some time in Connecticut for the wedding.

“I told her that we wouldn’t mind taking Zola, Bailey and Ellis,” Amelia confessed, supposing Owen would be on board. “I know Meredith isn’t interested in keeping a relationship with my family but the kids will always be Derek’s and they should be given the chance to spend time there. It’s their family too, after all.”

“Of course,” Owen promptly agreed. “Do they want to go?”

“I didn’t ask them yet,” Amelia confessed. “But I suppose they’ll want to. It’s summer anyway and they’ll be off school. I don’t see why they wouldn’t want to go.”

Owen was too polite to say why he absolutely agreed. Over the years, it wasn’t uncommon that Derek’s three kids came to spend time with them, often having sleepovers. Before Amelia had married him, she used to live in the same house as her nieces and nephew, and the three kids had always felt a special connection with their aunt. But over the years, they’d grown to be left alone for large periods of time while their mom was working extra hours at the hospital.

“Are we really doing this?” Owen let out a sigh of worry. “Traveling across the country with eight kids?”

“Well, Zola is hardly a kid anymore…”

“You know what I mean,” Owen turned his head sideways and looked at his wife above Megan’s head.

“It could be fun,” Amelia tried to sound encouraging.

“Yes, it could,” Owen agreed, giving up adding that it could also be a total disaster.

“Are you going to sleep now?” Amelia asked. Her voice sounded like she was still lost in her own thoughts.

“Yes,” Owen slowly moved up and leaned over Megan, surprising his wife when he gently touched her face with his hand. “By the way, I loved your request on the grocery list today.”

Amelia took a fraction of a second longer than usual to realize what he was talking about and she couldn’t help smiling in response when the memory of her spontaneous addition caught up with her.

“Well, I meant it,” She declared affectionately, feeling Owen’s thumb rubbing on her cheek as he leaned over with full intention to kiss her.

Amelia noticed the sweetness in his eyes as he intensely gazed at her, obviously admiring her features.

“We’re very well off then,” Owen realized before capturing her lips with his own. “Because this is all I need to smile.” He added, recalling her wish.

“A kiss?” Amelia giggled when he buried his face on the curve of her neck, playfully exploring the area with his lips. “Is a kiss really the price of your smile?”

“No,” He raised his head, making eye contact with his wife and seeing the contentment on her face. When Owen replied, his voice sounded firm with determinate conviction before he got back to his side of the bed to finally fall asleep, “For you, they’ll always be free of charge.”

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