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ethereance · 5 months

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Screw it. *Genderfluids your Lance* Post s8. Fix it.

Lance thought his Altean markings were cosmetic. Nothing more. Nothing less. A gift from Allura, leaving a piece of her with him, to look back and remember with fondness her company. As if he could ever forget a girl as incredible as her.

It’s not until much later he realises it’s something more. That maybe Allura gave a portion more than he expected. He stares, face to face with his mirror. Something off. Something strange. Something that grabs his attention before he really knows what he’s looking at.

His ears slowly shift back to human. But they were there long enough. He saw the Altean ears.

“Incredible,” Coran says when Lance broaches this to him, and after multiple attempts at trying at failing at repeating what happened in the mirror. At last he succeeds. “You’re shifting just like an Altean.”

“I’m not turning Altean, am I?” he panics. He’s pretty attached to being a human and all.

“Haha! Don’t be ridiculous number three, you can’t just ‘turn Altean.’ Good one! Turn Altean, he says. That’s one to remember for an open mike.” Then Coran takes one look at his genuine distress and sobers. “Rest assured, my boy, you’re one hundred percent earthling, ears and all. Allura wouldn’t change you so completely when she loved you the way you are. It just seems she passed our chameleon-like abilities over to you. I can’t say I’ve ever heard anything like this ever documented before, but Allura…”

“Has a way of accomplishing the possible,” Lance offers when Coran’s eyes grow distant, bittersweet.

“Yes,” agrees Coran. Something proud, something sombre, “That she did.”

***

Lance practices often, following Coran’s guidance. Even Romelle drops by at Coran’s request, eager to show someone the ropes.

“In the colony, we had little need to shift as our ancestors had. Our only home had been there, tucked away in a corner of the universe. We understood little of the outside world except what Lotor brought us. Even so, it was an ability we never lost. When you have mastered it, it’s like walking. It becomes natural. To some more than others,” she says, a surprisingly patient teacher. He wonders where this side of her was when she was trying to get him to teach her to pilot. “You may be the ‘others’! But that okay. My… my brother Bandor was the same.”

For such a bright supernova of a person, it is easy to forget that, like Coran, Romelle has been touched by grief. And grief again.

“You strike me as an adaptable person, pointy chin. Like rivers and oceans, it has made you you. I have full confidence in your abilities. And if Allura were here.” She smiles, and it is pain, but beauty. A flower unfurling in the wake of a storm. “I know she would say the same.”

***

He finds himself slipping into other forms like a glove. It becomes easier, a swifter motion just as Romelle had said.

It’s freeing, in a way. To walk as something so slightly adjacent to him. A Lance of another life. Altean, balmeran, olkari, puigian, anything he can think of.

He loves being Plaxum’s species the most. A mer. Beneath the waves, it feels like coming home. He’s a missile underwater, swimming loops around coral.

Dreams really do come true.

***

There’s something about transforming that pulls him that much closer to Allura. Her quintessence sings to him, and his skin dances. He feels alive as he hasn’t in a long time.

Happier maybe. Or that much closer to it.

He wishes he could take a photo of Keith the second he catches sight of Lance, a good extra foot on him, and purple as a plum.

“So this is a… thing,” says Keith eventually. And what an observation that is. Lance explains.

“Don’t let Hunk catch you like this,” is Keith’s response, a hint of tired amusement, “He’ll call you Galra Lance and never stop.”

***

It starts with him shifting into an unilu. He needs the extra hands. Lance doesn’t realise the gender he’d chosen until Coran points it out offhandedly. Now, Lance knows that not every species is going to be quite so clear cut as biologically male or female. Some have more some have less. Some won’t even know what the word gender means. He has experienced a taste of the universe. He knows how vast and diverse it is. When shapeshifting into a species like that, it makes sense his gender isn’t something he’d retain.

Female. He’d made himself into a female unilu. It was a matter of size and facial shape. Nothing too strange, no stranger than his body shifting into a skin it wasn’t born into, but noticeable enough.

And isn’t that something.

***

It’s out of curiosity he tries the same as a human. Curiosity and nothing more. Just because he can. Really. Honest.

Lance half expects his girl!sona would just be a carbon copy of Rachel with the added blue scales residing beneath his eyes. But that isn’t who he sees in the mirror.

He sees. Well, he sees himself.

Herself.

She looks, feels, kind of pretty. Which makes sense. She’s Lance. Of course she looks great. Goes without saying.

Lance’s lip twitches.

***

So. So maybe he throws on the form again. And again. And again. Maybe a little more than he does with any alien species. But can you blame him? He’s just found out he has a free trial at being a girl so quiznack if he isn’t going to try it out.

Her hair is long. Her hair is short. She pulls off both looks well, she thinks. Being a girl is kind of awesome, actually.

It’s not always the case. Sometimes it just isn’t right. But others? Sometimes he finds himself slipping into her without realising it. It’s just what feels right to her in the moment.

There’s something nice about strangers using ‘she’ and ‘her’ and they don’t know. They don’t know. Something in her bubbles, giddy, they don’t know.

But Lance’s family do. Pidge does.

They look at Lance—now once again a boy—and hum, thoughtful, considering.

“Are you are girl?” they ask. Pidge does not beat around the bush. It throws Lance through enough loops to put him in a spiral.

“No”, says Lance. But for some reason that doesn’t sound quite right. “I mean. I’m not always. But—”

“You are sometimes?”

“I guess. But it’s just shapeshifting. I’m not actually—” Lance trails off, lost. “Am I?”

“Do you want to be?” Pidge asks, and huh. Does he want to be? Is it really that simple? He’s always seen himself as a guy, and had no problems with that. But.

Well.

“… Maybe. Maybe sometimes.”

Pidge grins, wild and victorious. “Welcome to the club.”

(Something in his chest feels lighter. There’s a cavern, because it has made its mark and stayed. That has not changed. But this is this.

How wonderful it is to find the answers to secrets within oneself. He could have lived his whole life without knowing, a part locked away without him ever knowing there was a lock. But now, how could he?

It’s like he’s no longer holding in a breath.)

***

Pidge later tells him it’s criminally unfair he can change his body on a whim. They are fine with she, they are, but they are them. Sometimes she is just too much she to match their they.

Lance wonders how much Allura managed to see him. He remembers how close they became, how she became someone he’d call a best friend, then a lover. How she perceived him better than most throughout it all. Looked to him and saw greatness where he, despite wanting to be so much more, only saw failure. He wishes he knew what she saw when she looked at him. The person he was. Is. Lance.

If she knew what these markings have done for him. Did she know?

She can’t have done. Lance didn’t even know.

(But if she had—

It’s not like Lance can ask.)

***

Allura comes back.

She descends like a shooting star, the blinding light of an angel’s fall. She falls home and it is at home she stays. Days are bliss. A dream Lance dare not wake from.

“You’re not dreaming,” she tells him, soft, and kind, but aching, “I’m here. I won’t leave again. My duty to revive the universe is fulfilled. I’m here to live. And I chose to live with you.”

He kisses the words from her lips, blissfully sweet. She more than happily complies.

“I never meant to hurt you this much.”

“You’re here now,” Lance says, and it sounds so beautiful spoken out loud like this. How long he’s dreamed for such a moment. “That’s all that matters. We can move forwards together.”

This is their start.

***

It takes a while. But she tells Allura.

Allura kisses her senselessly. Lance loves it.

“Though I can’t take credit for this being my intention, I’m glad you learned more of yourself.” Allura’s fondness is an ocean she could drown in. “I love the person you are.”

“Yeah?”

Allura’s hand trails Lance’s ear. “Yes. Very much so. It’s an added bonus that I managed fix your ears. You have tried an Altean form, right?”

Lance jolts. “Allura!” she protests, a little put out. “What’s wrong with my ears?”

“Nothing,“ she says, warm and amused. “Nothing at all. I find that they have grown on me greatly. They’re cute. Just like the rest of my girlfriend.”

Oh. Girlfriend.

Her heart is full.

#Ether fic #allurance #legitallurance #Genderfluid Lance #nonbinary Pidge #post s8 #vld Lance #Princess Allura #I usually try and write as canon as possible. But. Lance should mess around with gender. As a treat.#Canon gave no explanation for those marks. So it’s fun to explore the possibilities.#having him be able to talk to the mice is a fun one. it’s like they’re on the same wavelength. and the mice gets someone to talk to whilst #Allura’s gone #fix it #Currently working on a much larger fix it. but this became one so #because I couldn’t just leave Allura dead. y’know?#it’s Allura. enough said #I didn’t put all the paladins in here. or Lance’s family really apart from small mentions. but they all love and accept her <3 #yeah. I know technically it’s not quite shapeshifting. the changes are more subtle. growing. shrinking. being a chameleon. but what if #if anyone is reading an allurance fic in 2024. hi

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thatone-churro · 9 months

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okay. i know it’s a very bad idea to seek mental health advice from the internet, especially tumblr of all places, but i have a genuine question about this.

actually, before i get too far, i guess i should add some context about myself:

i’m fairly talkative in a certain sense. i like talking. if i start talking about something i like, or if i get excited while talking, i can talk a lot. when i’m alone, i tend to talk to myself a lot. just verbalizing thoughts, mostly; talking myself through a strategy, just voicing my thoughts as i play through a video game, or sometimes just babbling as though i’m talking to someone else. this is a frequent thing and not the root of my concern.

course, sometimes i talk a little less in public or in certain social situations if i’m not “invited” to speak too (more than just being spoken to first, but that’s another explanation i don’t want to go into right now), but i’ve always been like that; something, something, i know it’s more about social anxiety or something that i know i inherited and is a different discussion for a different day.

so, every now and then i have these days where, for lack of a better description, talking feels like it takes too much energy. even that doesn’t feel like it explains it properly but. like the same struggle to get out of bed on a rough day. like somehow speaking, the act of opening my mouth and forcing words out of my throat, takes too many spoons. the same way it feels like taking a shower or brushing your teeth has too many steps despite it being a simple process when your depression’s acting up (we’ll get back to this comparison in a minute).

i can tell when these days come on before i even have to speak to someone; it feels like my words are stuck in my throat. i mean that physically; there’s not actually something in my throat, but there’s a weight of some sort.

i’ve taken to calling these days “quiet days,” since this feeling affects just about everything associated with talking; making myself talk is a struggle; i can’t even talk to myself and all those monologues and discussions happen inside my head instead, but i can’t verbalize them; i don’t want people to talk to me on these days, as in there’s a deliberate, subconscious feeling already there on those days, not that i’m not wanting to talk because of the other feelings; actively listening to and comprehending things people say is also an effort to do, and i tend to tune out my music or whatever background noise i set for myself more than usual; i’ve recently discovered that this same feeling is applied to singing, much to my dismay, because i found this out on a day i kinda wanted to sing.

it’s not that i can’t speak on these days, i can physically make myself if i have to, it just takes more conscious effort sometimes than something like speaking should.

now, i used to chalk this up to being standard nonverbal bouts. i’d heard those were common among neurodivergents, and while i’m not officially diagnosed with anything (classic “everyone does that”/“that’s just something you got from me” type childhood), a lot of symptoms for both ADHD and autism (that i’ve heard of/looked into) match up pretty sharply with me.

however, no accounts from actually autistic people that i’ve read who go nonverbal at times really match up with my experiences. for me, it’s never a response to stress, anxiety, or overstimulation; it’s just something that happens on any given day and sometimes ebbs and flows throughout the day (as in sometimes it’s easier in some parts of the day, but not others, without any particular cue), and it’s never me going absolutely nonverbal, just a preference not to speak from it feeling like it’s too much to do sometimes.

remember that comparison i made to having to speak on “quiet days” feeling like trying to do basic things on bad depression days? yeah, i noticed on a day it hit that it felt very much like that, because i did feel it earlier that day; i found trying to make myself sing or even talk to myself out loud somehow felt like a process with too many steps and i didn’t have enough energy, just like trying to get out of bed that morning (to the point that i didn’t “get up” until that afternoon).

so, all that text and explanation leads to my one question: are these bouts and “quiet days” more from “going nonverbal” as a “symptom” of autism, or simply a symptom of my depression? or can it be chalked up to anything else at all? i’ve never seen or read anything about this on either side, and if it’s something from my depression, then that’s gonna make me take it much more seriously than i have been in the past. or like, is it just me and not anything at all?

any advice appreciated 🙏

#if this is from my depression all along i’m gonna scream but i need to know #because something like that’s really gonna push me to looking into getting it treated quicker #like antidepressants or therapy or something #because the idea of my depression being able to take away my ability/desire to TALK is honestly a terrifying concept to me #but i need to know; i’ve never heard of this being a symptom of depression but also doesn’t match many accounts of autistics going nonverba #actually it just being a me thing and not a thing i can attempt to fix might be worse #also hi mutuals who watched me put the pieces together earlier because i was pissed i couldn’t make myself sing 👋#grace being kinda serious for once #text post #personal #help #depression #autism #neurodivergence #going nonverbal #mental health #sorry i’m just adding every tag i can think of being somewhat related to this so i can get some answers from somewhere 😭

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padfootastic · 1 year

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yeah so it’s not like my codependent james & sirius don’t love or care for other people. it’s that, when it comes down to it, their default is the other and sorry if u don’t think that’s different but it is.

they’re not putting the people in their life on a twisted graded hierarchy, they’re just?? each others?? most important person?? like bro why is it that the most common tropes on fucking earth are a problem when it’s prongsfoot????

#if u couldn’t tell already #i keep going onto the anti pf side of things #and ykno what i’m gonna do it. i’m gonna take the plunge. do what i dislike. and block.#(no but i’ll try to. really)#lEt tHeM bE bRoS #dOnT cHeApEn tHeiR fRieNdShIp #yah and while we’re at this it let’s also let the history books say they were friends #because we don’t have enough male friendships so we need representation 😀#(sometimes??? do they realise??? they’re regurgitating older homophobic phrases or???)#like bro. ur not the only one w life exp.#‘sometimes i think these people don’t/can’t—‘ shut up shut UP #i hate romance irl. can’t do it will never do it don’t like it.#but that’s not my fictional consumption now is it?#and won’t be either #j&s occupy a space more than friends OR lovers #also don’t know why some people r seeking realism?? in this universe?? esp considering what they’re writing usually??#like. some self awareness pls?#if y’all can’t tell. i’m annoyed lmao #i’m just sick of seeing j/s treated like. idk. it’s the first or only ship to romanticise friendships or wtv #WHILE and this bit is imp WHILE loudly shipping w*l farar and j*gulus like???#just say u like those ships and go??#but also. that last point is just me being frustrated. i get the bitching bc i do the same w those two ships #so like. yeah. respect their right to rant. but won’t respect the rant lol #also…this isn’t @ like anyone in particular . it’s just many people on the anti pf mwpp side i’ve seen who have similar arguments #and they’re always the stupidest #which i wouldn’t care for so much it if they didn’t constantly bring up ‘real life! realistic! not how it works!’ etc etc #yah #that’s it for now #i’m sure i’ll come back later lmao #pen’s whining

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couldbebetterforsure · 1 year

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Chance’s loser dad: If the woman you love is arguing with you, just kiss her! That’ll shut her up!

Certified Angel™️ Suzu Orimaki and the cool men of the Orimaki family: If the woman you love is arguing with you, just listen to what she has to say and communicate with her!

#story time with me #jack jeanne #jack jeanne spoilers #willow takes center stage at univeil #chance babe don’t listen to your weirdo dad #nice to know being A+ lover material just runs in the orimaki family genes #it really is so endearing that the reason suzu couldn’t get the kiss scene right was because #he was so viscerally uncomfortable with the idea of the kiss scene happening because of chance doing it mid argument cause it goes against #how he feels and was taught how to treat someone he loves #it’s a running theme in suzu’s route that I love….how much he cares for the people around him #their thoughts and feelings…he is so considerate and wants the people he cares for to be happy and achieve good things #like he himself said…he wants to treat the girl he likes better #and because of that he can’t reconcile the chance who is otherwise so like him with the chance who would kiss sissia is such a way

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compacflt · 1 year

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I love your interpretation of Mav and Ice. I love how realistic they both feel because well, they're white men in the Navy starting in the 80s. What it does make me wonder about Carole? I know you don't write for her but your analysis of Top Gun itself just made me wonder about her. Like whether she was a traditional military wife or just kinda met Goose and fell into it. Did Goose's death and the period between his death and her's change anything? Did it make her more skeptical of the military because of the cause of Goose's death or was her asking Mav to not let Bradley fly purely out of her hurt for Goose's death and not a moral/political thing also. PS. I read your Slider fic and absolutely adored it

well… i think any attempt to flesh out Carole’s character is gonna be completely based on conjecture, because we’re not given more than “slightly naive Christian woman who doesn’t always say exactly the right thing.”

But I think it’s helpful to remember where she fits into the narrative at large, and why: Carole Bradshaw is the villain of the Top Gun franchise. Top Gun is her villain origin story.

The rhetorical purpose of the top gun franchise is: to make money, obv, AND to get people to join the navy. (to what extent it’s successful at achieving that latter goal is the topic of a different post… im certainly not the first to say it’s pretty easy to find an antimilitary reading of TG.) but if top gun is aiming to portray the navy as someplace you want to be, and someplace where you have to earn a spot to be (as I keep repeating over the last couple weeks, it’s all about honor), then Carole Bradshaw becomes the villain of the recruiting story of Top Gun: Maverick, because she (momentarily) prevented her son from joining the navy with the honor he thought he deserved, and she is to blame for the emotional through line of the entire movie. Thank God! we don’t have to blame maverick for fucking up and preventing Bradley from achieving his Dream Of Working As A US Military Contractor! we can blame his dead mom instead, so that maverick is still a good guy whom we, a moderately-conservative pro-navy target audience (🤑), can still root for & pay money to see.

so yeah narratively speaking she’s just a scapegoat. She has no agency in the story whatsoever, she’s only an object to receive blame. any backstory/reasoning/character we invent for her doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t really matter WHY she does it—whether she hates the military or not, narratively speaking we have to blame her just the same either way—it just matters that she does it. and then she has to immediately die so she can’t explain herself and maverick has to self-sacrificially take the blame. Because otherwise the plot of TGM wouldn’t happen, which would not achieve the rhetorical goals of making a bunch of money and getting kids to sign up for the navy.

#always a treat to remember that the target audience of tgm is republican dads of teenage boys #i only watched top gun bc i (teenager) was forced to by my formerly republican dad #i saw ur Carole post & i actually think she was fridged.#in case you couldn’t tell i am a little pissed about it.#very rarely are side characters just characters. everyone (paramount pictures and me included) has an axe to grind.#thanks for the ask glad you liked slider! It’s my favorite thing I’ve written for the fandom so im glad #top gun maverick #top gun #carole bradshaw #asks #pete maverick mitchell #* pissed about the fridging not about your post. i liked your post #she is killed not to strengthen the emotional throughline of the story but #solely to further TGM’s pro-navy pro-recruitment agenda and absolve the male MC of guilt.#that is the purpose of her death & her character at large in the franchise #sooooooo imo it doesn’t really matter what her outlook is/was #she’s the villain #and also part of joining the navy/having family members in the AFUSA is accepting the risk. esp if ur husband is an aviator there is so #much risk involved independent of enemies etc. people die flying all the fuckin time. she would’ve had to accept that #the fact that she doesn’t accept that is what makes her an anti patriotic villain etc etc #and remember she TOLD maverick GOOSE would’ve accepted the risk ‘he would’ve flown anyway’#again she is incredibly out of character in TGM (as is Mav) re: papers pulling & its all to serve this rhetorical goal

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kingofmyborrowedheart · 11 months

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I doubt if Joe was imitated by being with 'THE taylor swift' they would have been together so long. We know nothing about their relationship or why they broke can we stop making weird assumptions (and bringing him up tbh).

It’s clear that he did have a bit of an issue with that though since when he was asked about creating music with her together—which is not a question entirely out of left field to ask since it was usually under the context of what happened during the pandemic and he got a Grammy for it—he chose to brush it off. There’s a difference between being private and respectful of their relationship and he did often get asked about it—and I completely understand why he wouldn’t want to talk about it—and being asked about that experience of creating which wouldn’t have to necessarily delve into the more intimate details of their relationship. It seems like he decided to straight up decline to answer any question about her and after being together for that long it seems a bit odd. Like wouldn’t you want to talk about finding a new creative avenue and what that experience was like?

When they first got together she was in a completely different place than where she is now; she felt that she needed time away from the public eye to heal and he was a shoulder for her to lean on during that time and that’s great; I’m glad she had someone to turn to during that really hard time! But it’s clear that something shifted toward the end of it and it wasn’t working as was stated by her reps to different publications after their split and what she’s chosen to share with “You’re Losing Me” and her speeches at Eras shows, particularly during the one for “betty.” She’s at an incredible spot in her career right now and is more comfortable being seen more publicly, and I can see why it might’ve caused a rift if she felt that she wanted to be more public and he didn’t. People change and grow apart and that’s normal, it doesn’t mean one person was at fault! She’s emphasized over the years how important people showing up for her is (and her showing up for them!) and we know he wasn’t doing that at the end and that was a big thing for her. I’m not saying that I’m omniscient and know every single moment in their relationship, I’m just saying that we know what was important for her based off of what she’s chosen to share and I’m not the only one saying that.

I’m not saying that Joe was an evil person who prevented her from being seen in public because he wasn’t and they had chosen to be more private during that time. I’m just saying that there’s a difference in the public support she received from him while they were together and the public support she’s receiving from Travis. I don’t think I’m out of line for being happy that she’s with someone who has been showing up for her in public and not afraid to talk about it and that it’s nice to see.

#ask #anons #got something to say to you*#I must say I’ve always been pretty neutral on Joe #but it did rub me the wrong way that he was seemingly not showing up for her and that it was all she was asking for #I don’t think he’s a terrible person or like the scum of the earth I just think it kinda sucks that he couldn’t show up for her #when it was really important for her #like I’d be saying these same things if a close friend was going through this kind of thing #and one of my friends was going through a similar thing earlier with a ltr and a partner that wasn’t there for them!#I don’t hate their former partner but I am upset at how they treated my friend

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