#BUT AM I WRONG. IS THIS NOT THE MOST INSANE PART OF THEIR DYNAMIC

[meowful]

my favourite thing about merthur is how steadfastly attached to the hip they are in zero time flat. like literally in 1x02 merlin is DISTRAUGHT that arthur doesn’t trust him and has sacked him from the position of his manservant like you know that’s the guy that beat the shit out of you three days ago right. you were literally complaining about how you didn’t want to serve his fat arse earlier yesterday. are you gay

[samlover4evr]

before i sleep, no one asked but this is me with sam

[aoxizu]

i have another 2.1 character dynamic post in the recesses of my brain but i need to get this out first

star rail's 2.1 update main plotline leans a lot more into existentialism and absurdism than i thought it would which is a really nice surprise

like i thought before 2.0 that at most it was just going to be some "oh no capitalism bad ipc bad cults also bad" thing but honestly what we got is so much more interesting. the spoilers start now

also massive disclaimer i am not a philosophist and actually i really don't like philosophy because it makes my brain hurt and i would much rather just look at logical nice things like math and plants so. if i get anything wrong please correct me

acheron's past and how she became an emanator of nihility reminds me somewhat of the absurdist theme of how people always look for meaning when there isn't any, until they finally realize that the universe is meaningless

and the entire path of nihility basically is a road towards that realization that people tread on, and the difference between the real world and star rail is that in the real world here we have people who will see that and then go write a book about a guy not crying at his mother's funeral, whereas in star rail it seems that just accepting that the universe is meaningless turns you into a pathstrider or even emanator of the nihility (not sure if i remember the details, correct me if i'm wrong)

and then aventurine's whole motivation is trying to understand why the universe is so cruel to him, and to find meaning when you have everything except freedom, both of which are absurdist themes

the leap of faith argument often attributed to søren kierkegaard claims that even though there is no rational logic for believing in god, you should do it anyway because the alternatives are madness, suicide, and ignorance. this was one solution to the problem of confronting the universe's meaninglessness: choosing to believe in a higher being regardless

later world wars i and ii both contributed heavily to the rise of absurdism as people returned from the war, having seen so many others die around them, and then just going back to a normal society with none of what they as individual soldiers had contributed seemingly doing anything. and then it happened again, but on a much greater scale with even more deaths. both wars and the destruction they brought led many people to start questioning why a supposedly moral god could allow this suffering, and this is where camus comes in and says that actually religion and nationalism both aren't good solutions, and instead we should just accept meaninglessness and keep living despite the absurdity

and i think dr ratio's scroll thing kind of relates to that

he tells aventurine to open it when he's about to die, or when he's completely out of answers for the question of how to confront absurdity

and dr ratio's answer for aventurine is to just tell him to keep living, good luck

which is. yeah

it's the argument that there are more answers to nihilism than just 1) going insane, 2) pretending like it doesn't exist, and 3) dying

it's the bold claim that despite everything, you can still choose to live

sure nothing makes sense but that does not detract from your life. it doesn't need to make sense at all

and with the understanding that things do not need to fit our human definition of meaning, we can continue on knowing our true place in the universe

and with that aventurine walks into the very big black hole like look at that thing you cannot tell me there is no symbolism there

let's go back to acheron.

in the part where you get a snippet of acheron's conversation with some guy just before this cutscene, the other party states that "[IX] leave[s] woven strands of fate for humans to walk, and together THEY weave a great shadow...And this shadow silently envelops them."

which to me sounds like a statement on how people across time and space have again and again come to the same question, what is the meaning of life?

and acheron's whole color thing seems to mean that she is one of the few who, after walking so far on the path of nihility, somehow have not died yet, be it from madness or something else

like it seems implied that many many more have seen the meaninglessness of the universe and have not reacted as well as acheron has

ok i have more to say about the elation and how it in turn relates to the nihility but that will have to come later but there is. a lot of interesting things there to explore

once again disclaimer: I Am Not A Philosophist And Do Not Know What The Correct Definitions Of These Words I'm Throwing Around Are. thank you for coming to my ted talk that was more of a longwinded ramble

[mcytblrconfessions]

I actually really hate when people say that SBI fics are irritating or that family dynamics are stupid bc like. Those are my little guys. I realize there are a lot of SBI fics and a lot of Tommy-centric fics, but people just enjoy that. I get why it drives people crazy and stuff that SBI has such a large part of the fandom, but it isn't as if you can't write your own fics about characters you like. I just love those little guys. I wanna see Ctommy get love and affection and a family (especially when mumza is there). Idk it just makes me very sad to see people hate them or blame them for their character not getting attention. Maybe I'm just being basic or something but they make me so happy and to see people be rude about it or say it's taking over the fandom feels sort of bad because I get that they want more media for their characters, but you need to consider that perhaps the authors writing SBI would not be writing about other creators, or dsmp at all, if they weren't writing SBI. It feels like people don't know that part of having a big fandom is having a fandom favorite character/relationship, and having most media from that fandom involve them. I know I probably just don't understand what it's like to have a small mcyt as my blorbo so I definitely am not implying that they are exaggerating their experinces. I just want to know, can we please stop pretending that SBI is the reason your characters don't get attention, guys? Because if you really want to see more fics/fanart/edits/web weaves or any other fandom art form of your favorite characters, go make them. But don't tell me I'm wrong for having those art forms of my characters. My characters having fics and attention does not take attention off of your characters, and i'm tired of people acting like it does. (I realize I'm being a hater, but I just wanted to say all of that bc I see so much SBI /neg and ctommy or cwilbur /neg and it drives me insane)

[pathologicalreid]

Girlie (gn) you hate Maeve? You have good taste I see, I fucking hated her (well strongly disliked but still) mary sue is such a perfect term, she was just boring and I feel Spencer felt so wet and weepy with her

i don't hate maeve so much as i hate the maeve plotline! i think strongly dislike is a really good phrase to use when talking about my feelings towards maeve's character.

as a character, she's super flat and one dimensional. i think she and spencer were "together" for eight months(?) and the episode where you learn the most about her is the one where she fucking dies. i've spent all day thinking about this and im beginning to think that part of the reason why she is a mary sue is that spencer tends to put people he cares about on pedestals and ignores their flaws.

and youre like "what flaws does she have if you barely know anything about her" and okay i'll tell you:

b-12 and magnesium as a treatment for migraines is fucking insane. i'm not saying it couldn't work, but all through season 6 (re: 6x12 "corazon") spencer is seeing doctors and anyone who has ever dealt with a fuckass chronic disease/illness will tell you that a blood panel like that would be one of the first steps in reaching a diagnosis!!!

why on god's green earth would you have a stalker, be dating an fbi agent, and not let your fbi agent boyfriend help you? i have been stalked before!!!! it's not fun!!!!! i'd take all the help i could've gotten at the time. this has always rubbed me the wrong way because oh my god the solution was right there the whole time. he could have protected you! he would have protected you!

i know they weren't technically doctor/patient but there is still some weird power dynamic in their relationship that gives me the ick. other than they're smart and they read, they really dont have much in common.

their relationship to me is equivalent to the girl i dated online after we met through percy jackson fan accounts. i.e. not really a relationship. most of their interaction was off screen and i think that did a huge detriment to the plot.

in the end, i think the maeve storyline and 8x12 "zugzwang" is a hard watch. i can't take it seriously. i'd skip it, but then i'd miss so much blake content (and hotch looks so good in that episode sorry spencer) (not into the fuckass bob in season 8). at the same time, i know it was like... mgg's idea and i'm pretty sure he's friends with beth riesgraf. (he loves to traumatize himself idk). but the whole thing gets messier when you think about the implications left by 14x15 "truth or dare" and the abhorrent jeid plot in season 15 where it's insinuated that spencer has been in love with jj for fifteen years (zoinks) and it's like what about maeve??? i don't know man (gn) i could go on for hours about this

that being said, i see a lot of people not liking the actress who plays maeve. i am telling you that it had to have been the writing or the directing in the episodes because beth riesgraf is incredible. she played a character named parker in the tv show leverage (one of my favorite tv shows of all time) and let me tell you That Is Her Role.

jesus this was long i had more to say than i thought sorry thank you anon

[vapolis]

listen , , , i never played the old demo but in my heart of hearts i know i would still be obsessed w D nonetheless bc of how u have written them presently. their genuine kindness is sooo unnerving to my merc bc as you've established, the merc isn't really someone who's been treated with kindness and tenderness (QWQ) but . my merc is a simp and alas D's allure and kindness is irresistible. they have had to be at another person's heel and is treated like a feral mutt (which. isn't entirely unwarranted .) but being treated as an equal and as another human being makes them sooooo wistful it makes themself want to bite themself as a way of scolding themselves aihowdfjsdf.

also the nsfw snippet you posted of dante a while back was DIABOLICAL and has been living in my mind rent free. i hope dante haunts u in the most sexy manner possible . because what the actual FUCK compelled u to write that it's been living in my mind rent free and it makes me insane fr.

(also. ik people love jax. and he is sexy . but how could u want him when d and royal are right there. offering kindness and tenderness and show-stopping sex appeal. [tho its a bit unfortunate on royal's part bc as the last chap has shown us he is like a housecat trying to step into the alley in my heart shdfoHSDFO].)

i love ur IF so much u dont understand how much its haunted me (orla is also mother of the year and could order me around like the dog i am but that's neither here or there).

i'm rambling but i really do think d offers a sense of warmth none of the other RO's do (in the sense that the merc is viewed as an equal who is Struggling and in the trenches rather than. the merc. orla's dog. a ticking time bomb.) which again! is valid but also :(((( they are baby. to me . they have done nothing wrong ever <3 i just love d so much bc of the way u convey their genuine kindness and desire to connect with the merc it makes me froth at the mouth and sob fr i hope ur days are kind 2 u and that u experience nothing but contentment in life

I love long rambly asks about D like u get it!! they're nice and kind and (at least seem to) genuinely care like no other right now. I'm very excited to get more into that dynamic bc it's different. It's lighter and they're on equal footing and scenes w D always take a turn even for me lmao also so real abt that nsfw scene... both dante's and delilah's have a different kind of chokehold on me personally.

royal is probably most like D in that sense that they give kindness eaily even if last chapter ended badly w them.

anyways tysm for all that!! this ask will be rent free for a little while as I chip away at the chapter and I'm very happy you enjoy the IF (and D) as much as you do <33

[philsmeatylegss]

please yap about dip and pip's relationship with pj, I want to know more

FUCKING YESS!!! WHOO HOO!! I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY!!!

Okay so I haven’t brushed up on my PJ lore in a while, so correct me if any of this is wrong, but I’m sticking with the basics.

What gets me about their friendship is that they’ve been through it all together. Once again, correct me if I’m wrong, but him and Phil were friends before Dan started making videos, correct? It could’ve been after. Point is, he was there pre youtube era, bat shit insane era, and out era. And there’s proof they’ve stayed close through it all. I cannot imagine the pressure of maintaining a normal friendship under the circumstances they were under. I will fully admit myself I am one curious mf first thing I would ask is if they were together. And to have a bunch of 13 year olds yelling at you to do so, I can’t imagine just seeing all of that and then casually heading out to see a movie or get dinner.

I have a head cannon which I feel like I have enough reason to treat it like cannon and that’s that dnp only were close to YouTubers who didn’t care about their sexuality/relationship. You had to be there, but the 2014 british youtuber boom, dnp were making collabs with people who just were so different and it showed. And I don’t think people will understand if they weren’t there how big of a thing “phan” was. They were described usually something along the lines of “those friends with the matching hair that fans think are together.” So when you mix personalities that, to no one’s fault, just don’t blend, mix it with the pressure of five million thirteen year olds, and mix it with people who one has a lot wrong with them, that’s a really bad mixture to set up a friendship. I believe other than Louise and PJ, who dnp knew before hand (pretty sure louise, might have been at the start of their career), tyler oakley and Anthony seem to be the only creators they seemed comfortable around. I forgot why I started talking about this. Oh, the conditions in which friendship had to stand under.

I truly don’t know how to explain how insane the phandom used to be. And how widespread. As someone approaching the age they were when they started to blow up, I am amazed they didn’t leave the internet.

This whole long rant is to say that it was overwhelming to even be in the vicinity of dnp. The amount of pressure is something I truly cannot describe. And it’s hard to explain if you weren’t there, but I cannot imagine an outsider maintaining a relationship with the two of them with the pressures both within the relegation ship and outside. Because let’s also not forget Dan’s mental health and trauma was triggered every time a “phan is real” comment happened. It was truly such a chaotic time and I think the reason they didn’t have a lot of friends was because they couldn’t.

So it’s just that it must have been so fucking hard. And they must have a very close bond to have survived what their friendship endured. It was such a unique scenario to be pulled into and deciding to come along for the ride is something I find so admirable.

I also think PJ has been a part of their journey with sexuality and how public they were about being together. From what we know, Phil and PJ filmed together back when it was just millennials. To as recent as filming April Fool’s. That experience of watching that dynamic rise and fall and having to just follow and work with must’ve been crazy

If you look at a lot of the credits in dnp’s more professional videos, PJ is often in the credit and often has a big role. Really, it’s mostly the same people who dip and pip work with which gets me the most. It’s obvious they feel comfortable and genuine around him. We’ve seen behind the scenes how they discuss ideas. It’s just very relaxed, which is something dip and pip were deprived of as soon as they started blowing up. Everything had to be planned and thought through. And I think having an old friend who they were likely open to about their relationship and sexuality probably kept them sane. I do believe they are a lot closer than they put forward online and good for them. I think that’s why they’ve stayed friends for so long.

A lot of this is pure speculation. But it must be so cool to have watched your close friend go through the journey pip did, all the while being with someone he loved. But also helping them through it and helping them express themselves within their own boundaries.

That’s what I was yapping about at the start. I think the few YouTubers dip and pip remained close to Anthony, Louise, and Tyler, is because they seemed to like dan and phil because they liked dan and phil. There was no ulterior motive and they genuinely didn’t give a shit their relationship or what fans said. If I were dnp, I would have become very guarded with my emotions. But, at least from what we’ve seen, they seem very comfortable with Pj and his gf I forget her name but she’s so pretty.

When I think of friendship I think of what Peej has with dip and pip. There was so much obvious discomfort for so many years and being able to adapt to that is something special. Balancing public versus private. And just having such long history together. Once again, I’m not up to date on my lore, but I’m pretty sure Phil and Pj knew each other before Phil knew Dan. Or at least it was very close. Like they have been friends from the start. Pj was there for every stage. Every stage. And having a friend who remained neutral during it all probably really helped dip and pip not go nuts.

I truly cannot put into words how out of control the phandom was. Like I don’t even know how to phrase it. It was such a unique phenomena that I have never seen anything even close since. So it’s hard to really get across what it meant sticking with dip and pip during the height of their career, but it must have been so fucking hard on all sides.

And to just see after that chaos that they are still close, that they still film together, that they just hang out,,, I just find that very neat. And admirable. And I’m so curious to know more about it.

I’m not rereading any of this so enjoy the typos

[psycheofaphaggot]

we’re opening the floodgates people because the only thing i think about ever, and what i WILL shout from the top of every rooftop i come across

DINA IS THE PERFECT WOMAN.

i don’t care. i don’t care what anyone else says. i don’t care if your opinion is different because you’re wrong.

she’s witty, she smart, she’s incredibly fucking kind, patient, and yet so strong willed and never not willing to speak her thoughts even when she’s unbelievably scared. she’s so perfect it hurts honestly.

one of the things that breaks me the most about dina and ellie’s dynamic throughout the entirety of part 2 is dina’s part in it all. her, irrevocably in love with one of her closest friends, JUST after finally confessing to one another officially is suddenly thrust into a WAR where she can only be a bystander. ignoring the whole pregnancy thing, just that is fucking insane.

and she handles it with the utmost care and patience. moreso than honestly anyone around her deserved (not that these characters didn’t deserve kindness).

i could go in depth about how much i believe ellie williams is one of the best representations of PTSD in modern media today but as much as seeing that breaks me, watching dina deal alongside her is infinitely worse. ellie is a character who has just lost her entire world basically, only a few years after seemingly losing her purpose for being alive at all. with no closure. she’s sad, she’s angry, she’s broken, she feels essentially unloveable.

and dina treats her with the gentleness of a morning breeze. you know the thing thats like “character who feels unloveable and the other character who loves them like its breathing”? yeah.

dina is patient, kind, stable. she is exactly the thing that ellie needs. she never blames ellie for her outbursts, she never insinuates that ellie should get over her emotions faster, and even better she doesn’t even treat ellie like glass that could shatter at any moment. she just loves her. in the easiest way one could possibly be loved.

and its hard. it’s difficult and they both go through an unbelievable amount of trauma together and yet they still come out on top. they’re still able to build the semblance of a life together in the ashes of what they’ve lost.

as someone who identifies a lot of myself in ellie. everything about their love and how they love each other does nothing but break me apart. its so full of hope yet so layered in nothing but destruction. it really is the worst kind of despair. especially because of their end. all of that work and just the existence of trauma is what throws it back in her face.

i am not the most eloquent person. im sure my thoughts are jumbled and insane and hard to understand when i write them out like this. but there are so many aspects of this games that are so fucking admirable. naughty dog found a way to tell a tragic story full of people. not good people, not bad people. just humans, and the world would devolve into when pushed to the absolute edge. and even before that. it is a story of the human race at its most raw.

and its heartbreaking. its enjoyable, its sadistic, its humorous and it’s absolutely gut wrenching. its beautiful.

this series will probably never not be my favorite game ever. i will scream about it and look like a crazy person, and i will keep finding more and more things to love about it.

but this is a ramble when its really supposed to be a dina appreciation post. i love her. everyone should love her. she’s such an amazing person and i think about her constantly. i hope that wherever she ended up, her and JJ live the happiest and most fulfilling life they can.

[romainlettusdinnerparty]

I get so happy when more people see the car guy mike vision! I saw you said you love cars, so I'm curious do you have any thoughts about what you think mike being a car guy means for him/what he likes?

I know for me I love the headcanon but it came naturally from that leadership aspect of him, and I think it suits him to be a main driver amongst the party. plus I think he'd like the responsibility. and I go a bit more into this in a fic I'm working on, but I also like to think he enjoys fixing up his car and finds it a nice challenge/puzzle for his brain! but the actual technical or detailed parts of the headcanon I haven't researched and explored yet because I'm not well versed on cars myself 🙈

hiii omg thank you so much for asking me about this i am about to bombard you with so many thoughts brace yourself

ok im gonna be so fr when i say i love cars i mostly just mean i love driving,, i am not super well versed in the actual technical aspects of cars myself either😭 buttt i do absolutely have thoughts about mike and driving and super agree with what you said especially about leadership and responsibility. i think mike Needs to be the one everyone turns to drive them places like he wants that to be his Thing (also him needing to be needed popping up there👀),, now max has also obv expressed interest in that but with her ending up disabled she might be less able to do that especially with the accommodations available at the time and even if she could drive it would be a longer process so i like to imagine mike kinda teaches her the ways of the road and they bond, and similar to how he doesn’t walk on eggshells with will he treats max so normal (hostile lmao) which is probably super refreshing for her with being disabled!! orrr that dynamic could even be reversed like if max is unable to drive but she so Wants to be that for the party, she kinda teaches mike that as a way to live vicariously through him? idk i just love max’s thing with cars and mike is such a car guy its insane. I think its also safe to say he’s very precious about his car like not a single crumb of food will get on his seats if he has anything to say about it. this obviously does not apply to will who can do absolutely no wrong but,, because will can see how much mike cares about his car he helps enforce his little rules with the rest of the party when they don’t take them seriously and mike gets lowkey upset with them about it. i love the idea that mike is the first to get his license so he’s kinda designated driver by default for a little while and ends up spending a ton of one on one time with everyone because of that. one of those people obviously being will, and i think between joyce working so much and jonathan going off to college and them definitely not being able to afford another car (and like love too),, will ends up abusing that aspect the most even before they get together. and while will is doing this cuz he’s like in love and stuff and it makes mike feel all useful, mike does get insecure that will isn’t actually spending time with him cuz he wants to and its just to use him to get around, and then when other people start getting their licenses hes like oh i guess the end of an era will doesn’t Have to just drive with me anymore he won’t need me :( but then obviously he Does and they kiss about it or something

and on the note of the fixing cars and stuff i sooo agree he likes learning new things and being able to fix his car and fix everyone else’s cars. like even after he’s the only one with a license he’s found this other thing to be useful to everyone with. omg also there was this post i saw forever ago about mike fixing up his car while will sits on the hood with his legs crossed drinking a milkshake and the image has fr never left my mind its quintessential passenger princess will and car guy mike to meee. i feel like mike would know so much about cars that it would make him distinctly not cool like he is such a nerd about something that would be considered cool that it circles back around and makes him sooo lame. i do think will would not think its lame tho and it does in fact turn him on when mike talks about his car. maybe mike refers to his car as a “she” and has a name for it and everything and will gets lowkey jealous and has to have car sex with him about it idk 😭

anywho!! thank you sm for asking me about this even though i probably know the exact same amount as you do about cars lmao,, actually so fucking hyped for your fic tho ahhh i love your writing <333

[save-the-villainous-cat]

Hi Cat!! Hope you're well. I've been wondering, and I don't have anyone to talk book to, so here I am.

What do you think of reading books that might not be written very well? Like don't get me wrong I love a good book where I'm none stop thinking about it and examining it because my mind is blown on how someone could possibly write this, but sometimes, especially when I come back from a reading slump, I just like to read something that makes me feel good.

For example, Iron Wing. I skim a bunch of the parts that are boring, but for the most part, I can enjoy it. But I'll doom scroll on tiktok for a bit feeling bad because I'm apparently reading a book that sucks and everyone hates.

I'm not talking about Collen Hoover type books screw her for ruining booktok.

Hm. Hm.

First of all, thank you for the question! I’ve had this discussion quite a few times and lots of people don’t really like my opinion about it, arguing that literature is entirely subjective and as long as you like it, it’s good literature.

Literary criticism is a fundamental part of literary theory and in my opinion it’s quite important to be able to analyse and criticise texts. Simply, because with literature you cannot only communicate but also manipulate your audience.

Literature has always been more than simple communication and I don’t think that anyone should consume media without thinking about it and criticising it. Because the subtext truly delivers the message.

What is this text about? What is its meaning? Why does it exist in the first place?

Personally, I wouldn’t want to read/watch a story that doesn’t have anything to say — something that is just scene after scene with no actual meaning. That’s a waste of my time.

However, when it comes to “badly written” as in “I dislike the writing style,” that’s different to me.

I read the Spy x Family novel a week ago and personally, I don’t think the writing style was that good. It definitely felt more like a screenplay for an episode.

That could be a translation problem though since I have the English copy. However, the themes and subtext of the little stories, the character dynamics and characters themselves are so dear to me and well-written, I cannot help but enjoy the story.

All together, I think there’s a difference between a good story and an entertaining one. To say a story is good because it is entertaining doesn’t make much sense to me whereas a story obviously can be entertaining because it’s good. Story structure and character dynamics do have certain “rules” you have to obey while writing to make your story work.

I can acknowledge that particular stories aren’t good but entertaining, but arguing that a story is good because it’s entertaining isn’t a valid argument. (In my opinion)

That being said, other people’s opinions on a book you like shouldn’t matter to you. Once you have that book in your hands, the words are yours to read. The text is yours to consume and no matter how you decide to consume media (with criticism in mind or not), do what you think is right for you.

Personally, I believe it’s important to listen to other people when they have valid arguments and make a good point. And even then, you don’t necessarily have to agree with them. I just cannot consume media without turning my brain on. (Unless it’s a show that’s playing in the background because I need someone to talk or I’ll go insane)

But as always, don’t let a random writing blog on tumblr tell you what to think. You have to decide for yourself.

[starkjoy]

it’s insane how disappointed i am with this season… like i don’t even know how to deal w this lmao. i just feel like i’m being gaslit into believing all the stuff i previously thought about tomshiv’s dynamic and even tomgreg’s (in terms of the nero/sporus subtext) isn’t true. it’s a weird decision on the writers’ parts.

the whiplash is so odd to me that i can’t help but wonder if they’re intentionally misleading us for some late-in-the-game twist. that’s probably delusion though—simplest explanation is that they changed their mind or it’s shitty writing. seems to be a trend with hbo final seasons. let’s see how it all ends before we make any final decisions, though.

unlike failed internet darling mlm ships of the past, tomgreg isn’t a case of fandom creating a narrative and setting themselves up for disappointment—the writers intentionally implanted homoeroticism into their plotline. the actors knowingly played around with it. jesse literally called them homoerotic a few weeks ago. it’s really sad to think succession may fall prey to every other queerbait-adjacent (adjacent for now since the season isn’t over) curse, leaning into the queer undertones until they’ve written themselves into a gay corner with the internet convinced something is gonna happen, only to backtrack and pretend the vibes were never there at all. it’s too early to say if that’s the case here, but it certainly feels that way at the moment. i mean, what else are we supposed to think when the writers go from nero and sporus gay marriage as the through line of season 3, to disgusting brothers hetero sex tour comedic relief background noise with tomshiv redemption front end center? am I supposed to be enjoying this?

all that being said, on a positive note im glad we’ve seen how much closer tom and greg have gotten as partners, and that they’re scheming together and on the same page. i’m glad they’ve had at least one interaction each episode. i’m glad greg seems much more into tom than previous seasons, quelling any unrequited friendship accusations. i’m glad we got insane homoerotic undertones in episode 1, even if they’ve dropped off since then. but where we’re sadly lacking is depth—what was once the hallmark of tomgreg’s deeper connection in contrast to tomshiv’s emotional constipation. now greg makes sexual quips while tom rolls his eyes…end scene. and again. it was funny and cute at first, but now it’s getting boring. don’t they deserve a more interesting arc in the final season after years of build up? why are we subject to tomshiv rehashing the same shit we’ve seen for 3 seasons instead?

also, one of the most compelling arcs of season 3 was tom’s vengeance, especially because we saw it play out from his perspective. outside of his plane convo with greg, tom’s pov has all but been erased. even the tomshiv moments are from the lens of shiv’s experience. and as much as we may sympathize with shiv’s heartbreak over his betrayal and her dad’s death, it feels almost wrong that the show is trying to make me feel bad for her? we saw how awful she was to tom for three seasons, we saw from tom’s perspective how much she hurt him. i don’t feel bad for shiv on the tom front at all, the fact that she kept his baby feels wildly out of character, and frankly it’s a little insulting the amount of time the final season is spending trying to convince the audience otherwise.

hey, maybe my feelings will change in a few days. maybe the final episodes will change all of our minds. i’ll always have some hope for tomgreg, but right now it’s not looking promising given the treatment they’ve received so far. anyone with any positivity to share hit me up because I could use it!!

[tfemjoseph]

hi, you do not have to answer this if i am overstepping !! i am just curious

recently ive seen you and ciel have been working on yourselves, so i just want to ask, is the conabusive aspect of your relationship the same as it was ? or has it changed ? i remember there was a post from your account translobotomized where you were talking about all the bad things ciel has done to you, and i was just wondering if its the same or different ? thank you ^^

it has changed quite a bit, now that i think about it.. hope you dont mind me rambling here about it </3

our dynamic has been drastically less intense than it was in 2022-2023, and by that, i mean a lot less "risky." i do still personally enjoy the riskier stuff, but due to us both trying to better ourselves, that aspect of our relationship has fizzled out a lot. maybe it'll come back in the future when we're both healthier so that it can be done safely, but for now, the more intense stuff is extremely rare. I'd say that the most intense thing we've still got going is our.. pact. but even that may have to go due to our pupfriend, we still have to talk about that whole thing with him

threats aren't too common anymore either. they will rarely happen unless the situation explicitly calls for it (ex. if the alters in front are into that kind of thing or if a particular alter will not stop hurting another alter unless threatened into stopping), so that's generally been a lot better

we also fight a whole lot less, which wasn't exactly part of the conabuse and more caused by both of us being mentally ill and receiving little to no help, but it is really nice. the reason for this is mainly that we have both started learning what kinds of things trigger each others' bpd, and avoiding triggers helps us avoid splitting on each other. of course, splits still happen due to outside triggers, but we always work through it. ciel's also gotten so much better with apologizing to me when he's done something wrong which i am so insanely proud of him for because that is something he struggled with a lot and still does, but hes getting better. im still working on being more patient when it comes to him being difficult, but i think ive gotten better since ~late 2023

i am also going to be going into therapy again pretty soon, i just need to find the time to make an appointment and then set up a schedule, but we're looking forward to that because it will help me a lot with anger management and emotional outbursts, and if i learn how to help myself regarding those issues, i can also try to extend that help to ciel due to us both having those issues. taking out our anger on each other was a big part of our conabuse dynamic, and it works decently well, but we both end up feeling guilty afterwards even if the other is forgiving, so hopefully having a therapist involved to help me out will give me a way to help us both find new outlets

overall, i think things have improved quite a lot. ive made my own progress, but i also have the privilege of receiving therapy, and he doesnt, so i am especially proud of how much progress he has made since i first met him back in 2022. the fact that he is still making progress despite all of the rocky patches and setbacks is so insanely admirable to me, and i think hes doing amazing. hes grown so much, and im so so grateful that ive gotten to be by his side to watch him improve over these past two years and even more grateful that i will get to stay by his side to watch him continue to grow as a person. im so glad i have him and our pupfriend, i love them both so much, and i hope to be able to become a better girlfriend and support system to both of them as i recover :]

(sorry for the long ramble </3)

TL;DR: it has changed a lot and is generally more toned-down. also i love my boyfies so much

[sadeyedlady-writes]

Welcome,

This is my pinned post.

(Last updated 29th March, 2024.)

I pretty much never shut up about Les Misérables or Dostoevsky novels, and I can talk for quite a long time about Phantom of the Opera as well. I will try to tag things consistently, so if you don’t like one of my interests you can and should block that tag!

First thing to know is that I very much welcome any and everyone to come talk to me about the books I'm insane about. Anon is on, DMs are open, I don't know how social interactions are supposed to go so there's no awkwardness here. Just come scream at me about characters or themes or whatever you want. There's no need to stand on ceremony. Also, I don't check my dash super regularly, so if you want me to see a post, please tag me in it or dm it to me! I won't think it's weird, in fact I'll be delighted, I promise!

If l ever unfollow you, please, please don’t take it personally. You are absolutely welcome to still interact with me, message me, etc. I never want to hurt anyone’s feelings, I just really try to curate my dash because otherwise it’s overwhelming and I don’t go on there at all.

I post fics on ao3 as sad_eyed_lady.

Here's the current list of fandoms I've written for, but for the most current list just go to ao3 itself:

The Idiot - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (7) Les Misérables - Victor Hugo (5) Le Fantôme de l'Opéra | Phantom of the Opera & Related Fandoms (4) Brat'ya Karamazovy | Brothers Karamazov - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (3) Prestuplenie i nakazanie | Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (1)

I very much welcome comments, or if you're shy to comment publicly you're more than welcome to message me here; a few people have done that and it's made my entire life. Almost the entire purpose of fanfic for me is the sharing and community of it all.

I am not much of an artist, but occasionally I attempt to do an art when the fannish fervour strikes me. Appropriately enough, these attempts can be found under the tag #my attempts to do an art.

And finally, since tumblr's search function has become so abysmal that I can no longer find my own meticulously-tagged posts, I'm going to try to catalogue some of my messy analyses so that I can find them again. This will be an on-going wrangling effort on my part.

Dostoevsky, Fyodor, The Brothers Karamazov

Musings on class/position in society as relates to the interaction between Katerina Ivanvona and Grushenka in 1.3.10, and how this lens might shift our view.

Grushenka and active love

Healing the rift in The Brothers Karamazov and Crime and Punishment

Dostoevsky, Fyodor, Crime and Punishment

Some half-formed thoughts regarding parallels between Raskolnikov and Marius Pontmercy and why I'm so much harder on Marius despite, you know, the axe murders.

It was Sonya's window, maybe?

Why 2002 BBC C&P was wrong especially in the way they handled Lizaveta's murder

On Avdotya Romanovna shooting but not killing

Healing the rift in The Brothers Karamazov and Crime and Punishment

Dostoevsky, Fyodor, The Idiot

On Nastasya Filippovna engineering her role as the doomed victim in a gothic narrative

Nastasya giving Rogozhin the details of the murder

Rogozhin wasn't an unstoppable killer who would have killed her no matter what

Comparing and Contrasting Semyon Parfyonovich (Rogozhin's father) and Totsky

On Myshkin imitating Christ

Rogozhin's childhood

Ramblings on Rogozhin's brother, Semyon Semyonovich

Cycles in the Rogozhin family

Hugo, Victor, Les Misérables

Subcategory: Éponine Realities of the class dynamics between Marius and Éponine in the Brick as opposed to the musical Not an edgy girl who wants to be edgy Not a morally grey character Future trajectory/P-M involvement

Some half-formed thoughts regarding parallels between Raskolnikov and Marius Pontmercy and why I'm so much harder on Marius despite, you know, the axe murders.

A Thénardier turning the tables on Marius's dream

Misc Posts

Master list of all of my The Idiot fics in order

[vethbrenatto]

TLOVM S2E7 Thoughts

WOW, I was like “i wonder if they’re going to keep in the ‘vex calls scanlan useless’ bits” a day ago and they literally. just started it I’m insane my intuition

I hadn’t even considered grog and the gnomes might not be in the episode but now I’m thinking that e7 might be team half elf plus Percy and e8 will be grog and gnomes

Lmao nerd boy is nerding

You couldn’t just pretend to be happy Vax

Nope totally wrong grog and the gnomes are here

WHAT IF I PUT MY HAND OF YOURS WHILE YOU HEALED YOURSELF WHAT THEN

literally this whole scene he’s holding her how am I supposed to focus

SKINNY GROG CANT HURT YOU

why do i have three peni.

how could you say that about his books vax

COUNTRY TRAVELING SONG WHAT THR FUCKCK

I’m really of two minds about the Pikelan direction they’re going in: I think it aids Scanlan in that it emphasizes his need to deflect sincerity with comedy. However, I think it really detracts from Pike in that campaign-Pike thinks Scanlan is funny. She likes his jokes. A lot of pike’s s1 arc in TLOVM feels inconsistent with her dislike of Scanlan’s crass side- like it’s very in her nature to find this stuff funny. Not that she can’t also like the sincere side, which she does, but just that I think her side of this narrative is making her character seem flatter than it should, especially when you group it with the fact she’s been given a lot of Kiki’s campaign personality traits

the drug trip scene is funny but was it necessary. there’s 8 minutes left where is saundor. or syldor. Where is the Vex focus. Maybe,, they’ll stay in the feywild for e8 while grog and gnomes head to Westruun?

Garmelie was merely the TRAVELER

okay so syngorn next episode.

Best Characterization: Percy. Love u nerd boy

TLOVM S2E8 Thoughts

ohhhh this episode is the Echo Tree, I had the order in my mind wrong no wonder I was so confused about the pacing

Syldor your bitchass can die

WILHAND TRICKFOOT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS I LOVE YOU SIR

ngl I think the titling hit less animated but fun nonetheless (it’s about the reactions, the live audience, the Matt’s face)

I love saundors voice literally slay sendhil

I adore this Vex in the Echo tree scene, I’ll touch more on it at the end

“My heart is someone else’s” NOW THERES A PUNCH THAT HITS

arty my boyyyy

Best Characterization: Vex

TLOVM S2E9 Thoughts

Boulder parchment shears!!

OKAY THERES THE PIKELAN I WANTED. she flirts back! it’s stupid!! he takes it too seriously!! they joke!!

KAYLIEEE SHES HERE SHES HERE

I don’t have much comment I just love the grog backstory

black hair pike 🥹💚

wait so scanlan wasn’t part of dranzel’s troupe :( that’s such a weird detail to remove

zanror does have a cutie nose

“What if I need you” mirroring s1 buddies ahhhh

Best Characterization: Grog/Pike

Overall Best Characterization: I’ll say Grog.

Okay so I liked this batch a lot, but I’ve got to come back to the question: Split the party- yay or nay?

And I’m still wavering between yay and nay.

Yay: I think the character beats particularly that came from the Grog + Gnomes side of the story hit harder with them sequestered on their own. This new “Grog finds his strength” taken literally storyline is a huge boon to Grog’s character even though I found it a bit superfluous at first. They were able to emphasize the Pikelan and to a lesser extent Scanlan/Grog dynamic that they haven’t been able to touch on as much before.

Nay: I felt like the episodes had some wasted time. Episode 7 I felt like we didn’t need the Feywild side of the story (the most important part is meeting Garmelie- the fight in that episode is essentially to drive further home that Vax is on a diverging path, something I think 4-6 already firmly established). Episode 8 I felt we didn’t need the Grog/Gnomes side of the story (meeting Wilhand was great, but the B plot of “giving grog an enema” was weak)

Ultimately, I think I come down on the side that I would’ve preferred the party to stick together. The weaker plot lines I outlined above I think could’ve been axed and the whole party could’ve gone to the Feywild, we’re still given significant Grog + Gnomes content, and then we’re given just a bit more time to stew in the concept of Syngorn. The punches, specifically with Perc’ahlia in Syngorn, fell flat to me because I don’t think they were given enough time. Had they cut the original E7 fight to make more context for Syngorn, I think it would’ve gone well in expanding context. Then, E9 could’ve remained totally the same just with the rest of VM along for the ride.

That said, maybe the split was worth it just for the country traveling Pikelan bop.

[dez-wade]

I was always the type to ship the most popular ships in a fandom but in qsmp I just am a 4halo hater. They're so toxic to each other, bad more than forever in my opinion, and I don't see any chemistry I see with other ships (guapoduo, fitpac, bagina) so now I understand the people that get annoyed when a tv show plot gets too focused on a ship. I feel the pain now.

I still think that forever will eventually meet a person with whom he'll have a healthy relationship with, they just haven't arrive to the island yet...

Being annoying under cut

Like, I get why 4halo has become so popular and it is until now. Not everyone wants a nice, happy, normal couple. Who's just love-dovey all the time. And well, no one can't deny they're interesting. They have a really wild dynamic, you can't even boil down what they actually are to each other.

But if you're not into it, or in my case — don't want that with a particular character — it becomes a huge pain in the ass. I will say again, but every time someone says that 4halo is equally toxic I want to die. Forever is genuinely so straight forward about their relationship, he proves and says over and over again that he cares about Bad and that he wants to help him. While Bad is a rollercoaster of emotions with Forever, going back and forth into liking him and hating him.

And the worst part, is that not only that ship is hugely popular, it's that everyone boils down Forever's character to that ship. Including so called Forever fans. The amount of people I saw that reduced Forever's talk about how he felt while on drugs to "Oh, he said he regrets blowing up Bad, but not the marriage proposal!" "Why is he talking about all this but not addressing the marriage proposal?". Like FUCK OFF. My man is literally saying how he was glad that he gets forcefully drugged because he was afraid he'd do something bad otherwise and that joke of marriage proposal while on drugs is the most interesting thing to talk about?

They keep dismissing his feelings over and over again because of this ship, constantly saying how he should apologize to EVERY single thing he has done to make Bad upset because they want them to get along already for shipping purposes. Regardless if he's right or wrong.

And like, I'm not even talking about the Ghosties. Props to them to defend BBH with tooth and nail and make everyone else be the worst person in the story.

So like, even if I'm not happy at all with current 4halo, the fandom makes me hate it much more. For Ghosties Forever is a tool for ship, and if he's not delivering people immediately turn against him. Forevitos make his character all about him, and despite Forever having a million different and more fun dynamics they're not brought to attention at all. The amount of people who genuinely forgets or doesn't care about his duo with Pac is INSANE.

Now leaving the fandom aside, my opinion is that I just want Forever to have someone who loves and trusts him like Cellbit has Roier, Pac has Fit, and Bagi mostly likely has Tina. And clearly BBH isn't that, you know? There will NEVER be a happy ending for them. All I see is tragedy, especially for Forever. And I'm not into that.

[martellspear]

I havent seen you post much about arianne but since you seem to be positive to all martells im asking you since I havent seen much about it elsewere either. I absolutely love arianne and daemons relationship especially the twow prewiew scene where he asks her not to go to storms end, do you have thoughts about it or can i talk about it in your asks because I have no one to talk to about this and im loosing my mind over it.

Hi, anon! You’re more than welcome to talk about them in my asks and I’d be more than happy to read your thoughts. Also, with the Martells, I’m on the “everything they’ve done wrong was trying to do something right” spectrum 😁.

Anyway, let’s talk about Arianne “I always loved his smile” Martell and Daemon “My face is yours. Do what you will” Sand.

Warning: it’s a long post.

I seem to enjoy relationships that we know little about, so they caught my attention immediately. They have #history and I don’t believe that what happened is buried lifeless, quite the opposite. Arianne is constantly thinking of their past and how much it still lingers within her, with them. I see “what if?” and “in another life” as a big part of their dynamic and it drives me insane!! They’d be great together and yet Daemon can’t be more than a paramour.

“The rest of the party kept a more sedate pace. The princess found herself riding beside Ser Daemon, remembering other rides when they were younger, rides that often ended in embraces. When she found herself stealing glances at him, tall and gallant in the saddle, Arianne reminded herself that she was heir to Dorne, and him no more than her shield.

The thing is: Daemon still has feelings for her, feelings that have been there for quite some time. She’s the firstborn daughter and heir to Dorne and he, a bastard, asked for her hand for marriage. He’s either insane – which we know is not the case – or he truly thought it was worth the risk; it’s Westeros, Doran could be less tolerant of that as some other lords might have been. We see that the offer to share a bed with her causes a different reaction from what I believe she was expecting; I think he knew that laying with her again would bring to the surface the same feelings he was trying to make go away.

Arianne gave him her most seductive smile. “We might share a bed together.” Ser Daemon’s face was stone. “Have you forgotten, princess? I am bastard born.” He took her hand in his. “If I am unworthy of this hand, how can I be worthy of your cunt?”

AND THEN we have one of the scenes that get me giggling kicking my feet twirling my hair squealing:

She snatched her hand away. “You deserve a slap for that.” “My face is yours. Do what you will.”

Another thing we know about them is that, regardless of the damage their relationship suffered in the past, they still care for each other. Daemon is honest with her in a way one wouldn’t be unless there’s some level of trust; she’s a royal, she’s the woman he can’t have. He must protect her, it's literally the reason he’s there, he could simply agree and oblige to what she says, but he doesn’t. Instead, he helps her see things as they are without undermining her. And Arianne is aware of that, she seeks his opinions.

Her father had confided in Ser Daemon when he chose him as his daughter’s shield; with him at least she could speak freely.

 I would also like to mention how they, apparently, seek each other, that old familiar pilar, crafted together, that one leans on.

Arianne exchanged a look with Daemon Sand.

They are comfortable with each other; Daemon wouldn’t say half the things he does otherwise.

“Be gentle with her, my lady,” Arianne said. “I remember when I was her age. My father despaired of me, I’m sure.” “I can attest to that.” Ser Daemon took a sip of wine and said.

+

“I never knew how wild she was till now,” Arianne complained to Daemon Sand, afterward. “Why would my father inflict her on me?” “Vengeance?” the knight suggested, with a smile.

+

If the gods were good, by now Obara Sand had treed him in his mountain fastness and put an end to him. She said as much to Daemon Sand that first night, as they made camp. "Be careful what you pray for, princess," he replied. "Darkstar could put an end to Lady Obara just as easily."

+

”I would sooner it were Quentyn who’d returned”.  “Or so you say,” said Daemon Sand.

This last one specifically didn’t mean much to mean until I reread it: he understands the Quentyn situation in a way most don’t or can’t. They grew closer during the time Arianne found out about the letter, Daemon probably became some sort of confident to her. They were close friends, there’s no soil more perfect for love to grow, and so he goes and asks to marry her. Which obviously he can’t and that leads to a permanent mark on their relationship and that “I hate loving you but without that I wouldn’t be me” atmosphere they have. 

I love how she ricochets between “Thankfully, Daemon is here <3” to “I want him gone!!” (and it’s in that “I cannot look at you any longer, there’s too much – too much history, too much of you in me; my heart is betraying my gracelessly betraying my heart” way).

“I like the dragon.” She wanted to slap the smile off his face. Or kiss it off, perhaps. The man was as smug as he was comely. Of all the knights in Dorne, why did my father chose this one to be my shield? He knows our history.

 X

Her father had confided in Ser Daemon when he chose him as his daughter’s shield; with him at least she could speak freely.

Furthermore, let’s talk about how Daemon was DEMANDING the Sand Snakes to be released, imagine: a bastard demanding something of the ruling prince. He isn’t one to conceal his thoughts – see that he also doesn’t drink to Tommen. There’s more than duty to Arianne as a princess; he’s his own person and I adore this dynamic, Arianne does drink to Tommen, he could have done the same just to please her. He’s her sworn sword, he’ll die for her if needed, but he is not following her blindly, despite his feelings, we see that in the TWOW chapters. He chooses her. Daemon respects her as a person and this is one of the very few relationships in which we see that happening in ASOIAF.

Arianne is idealistic, she has her own beliefs and is still learning that they aren’t the standard – and to cope with that -, she believed she could defy social structures directly and one of the reasons I love her character is her development, she is learning and she’s aware of that. Daemon beckons her to look at other angles. It comes from a place of support and admiration; he knows what Arianne is capable of achieving. Arianne is in the process of learning how to measure her decisions, to think harder, and analyze the situation she’s in; she’s the spectrum between Doran and Oberyn.

“Who will defend Ghost Hill if these strangers land upon our shores? Should I call my men home?"  "Your men are needed where they are, my lady," Daemon Sand assured her. Arianne was quick to nod.

In the scene where they discuss Storm’s End, I couldn’t see just a sworn sword fulfilling his duty, he wants her safe. Arianne, not only the Prince of Dorne. That scene is so endearing to me, they’re talking as equals; it’s the situation I’ve talked about before of their balance: Arianne’s idealism paired up with the scars from the failed plan and its consequences and Daemon showing different angles. We also see the “at least she could speak freely” in practice.

That night when she told Ser Daemon what Chain had said, the Bastard of Godsgrace seemed as perplexed as she was. “Storm’s End was still held by men loyal to Lord Stannis when last I heard. You would think Connington might do better to make common cause with another rebel, rather than making war upon him too.”

“Stannis is too far away to be of help to him,” Arianne mused. “Capturing a few minor castles whilst their lords and garrisons are off at distant wars, that’s one thing, but if Lord Connington and his pet dragon can somehow take one of the great strongholds of the realm…” “…the realm would have to take them seriously,” Ser Daemon finished. “And some of those who do not love the Lannisters might well come flocking to their banners.

+

“And that is why you should not put yourself at risk.” Daemon Sand went to one knee. “Send me to Storm’s End in your stead. Then if the griffin’s plans should go awry and Mace Tyrell takes the castle back, I will be just another landless knight who swore his sword to this pretender in hopes of gain and glory.” […]  “It is brave for you to seek to shield me, ser. I thank you for that.” She took his hands and drew him back to his feet. “But my father entrusted this task to me, not you. Come the morrow, I sail to beard the dragon in its den.”

I think he’ll end up going with her and I can’t wait to see more of their relationship. In the caves, he was the one that made her keep going. Daemon helps her find in herself to push limits and go further; Arianne gives him purpose in a way I don’t think he’s even aware of yet. They’re somewhat complicated, given the history and the social distance, but no one else could fill the space the other left. They don’t need each other, but it’s much better when they’re in each other’s lives; I believe they have a kind of bond you can’t break and pretend it never existed.

Thanks for asking my thoughts, it was fun rereading her chapters and going into deeper thought about their relationship <3