#BUT I also feel very helpless and angry in my limited role because it's so clear what people need (housing food respect childcare)

[careful-knives]

I need to get something off my mind.

I'm sad. And furious.

Sad, because I wasted so much time with thanking the creators of ofmd. I didn't want to come off as a creepy stalker (I realize that it might an unfounded worry, but still) and now I feel that social media is ripe with entitled people who can't stop complaining.

I want to complain too, but at the greedy corporates who cut budgets. Not at writers who were so ambitious and tried to satisfy everyone against the odds.

And this is where I am furious. I'll never be able to attend a convention, there's unlikely chance that any kind of merch will be available in my country. I don't want to make it into a pity party, but living in Eastern Europe is like that regardless if you're into western queer comedy about pirates or western crime procedure drama. You can watch it and be online, but your options are limited to that.

To see fans who have that options and who are now openly regretting supporting the show all because they misread the narrative and latched onto one character is both disappointing and beyond infuriating. Especially since they're also being disrespectful to the performance the actor put in the role they claimed to love so much.

They took all the credit for creating an understanding queer space, for the aforementioned actor to share something incredibly private with us, the audience. And now they're trying to distance themselves from it and call it a mistake because... the writers were forced to shorten everything into fewer episodes while knowing that another renewal is unlikely.

I'm so angry at all that entitlement and tone deafness. Leaves me feeling very helpless.

I hope the rest of Western fans will continue to be supportive and loving towards people who brought that wonderful show to life.

I'm also secretly hoping for another season, as unlikely as it seems to be.

[arlyonne]

tw. abuse / grooming / toxic family / trauma / teen years / sex education failed

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

hello. I want to write and vent that I have been in therapy for almost a year because I had an experience with my mother that unleashed all my traumas and the origin of several of them.

Since my last therapy until today, all I've been feeling is rage. I feel anger and fear because I discovered what is probably one of the origins of my trauma with s. abuse.

Unfortunately, since I was six years old, the role of caregiver to my younger brother was imposed on me (I was a child all the time, and I believe it is way worse for my brother) But even though I know it wasn't my responsibility to prevent it, it makes me angry knowing how much it affects both of us.

I was a victim of s. abuse, as far as I knew it happened twice. One of these times is connected to the origin of my trauma (my mother's boyfriend touched me inappropriately several times) and my first boyfriend also sexually abused me, psychologically as well (which took me to the hospital because my inability to manage my emotions led me to somatize the fear, anger and helplessness I felt being with that guy).

No one helped me or saved me from an abusive relationship at 17 years old, everyone saw me cry and suffer because of the attachment I generated to him, and also the years it took me to process the "first" abuse (I believed that the first one was with my ex, but the reality is that the further I go back in my teen years and puberty, I realize that I had other experiences and that surely there is something that I still don't know and my mind decided to forget it, hide it or ignore it).

My current age is already over 20 years old, but as an autistic person, admitting that my mother is someone who was wrong so many times, who manipulated my brother and me repeatedly; Processing 20-odd years of lies, manipulation, inconsistencies, psychological and emotional abuse has been a very big burden that I have learned to know and let go of along with my psychology and my partner.

The lack of information in my life was something very big and problematic, because it took me 20-something years to know my gender identity and the meanings of s. abuse. I could say that I normalized abuse in all its forms that when the severity of it hits, it can be very paralyzing.

Sexual education never taught me that if two adults have sexual relations or acts of s. connotation near two minors, even if we are walking down the street to spend "family moments together", it can really f*** you up really bad. Her boyfriend, in addition to exhibiting himself s. with her, touched me, "educated" me on sexuality in morbid ways that exceeded the limits of consent, and my brother and I found them having s** without locking the door. At a very early age I had precocious interest about s**, I was not even 10 years old when I already wanted to know about it and I am very afraid that there will be a memory from my childhood that is even more disastrous and traumatic than the experiences I can already see.

I just hope I can heal some day but, at least I know I can't forgive my own mother, her ex, my ex or anyone who bullied me about abuse, for the damage I feel right now. I feel so much anger and hate because no one did anything to prevent it or stop the damage.

[5mcsinatrenchcoat]

25. They accidentally hurt or upset their partner. What happened? How do they respond? What do they do to make their partner feel better?

For vice/karlach?

Also fun to see another karlach! If you don't mind me asking, how did you come up with the name Vice?

Okay, finally getting to answer, sorry for the wait ahah

This is actually an interesting one, 'cause for the most part Vice and Karlach get along disgustingly well - and if something does come up then they're both as quick to simmer down as they are to anger (in regards to people they love anyway). HOWEVER, there's a certain topic which is tricky both in the headcanon realm AND is related to the moment when I received the loudest disapproval from Karlach in the actual game.

And that would be her condition, of course.

Now, Vice is doing her best to be the most supportive, present and understanding girlfriend there. Whenever the topic arises she's trying her hardest to be all 'fuck yeah's and all. She's also, however, traumatized by losing her parents and her older-sister-figure, aka the most important people of her developmental years, each and every time being utterly helpless to do anything. Which is why in actuality she's quietly losing her mind whenever thoughts of what's to come catch up to her.

Where this does leak through especially hard is in the matter of soul coins and Karlach being all 'It'll be fiiiiine' about using those. The most vocal disapproval I ever got from Karlach was when Vice tried to refuse that one vendor giving them more coins. Which leads me to this:

I think the biggest chance Vice has at truly upsetting Karlach is by treating her differently because of her engine. They're both barbarian tanks and were matching each other on the field ever since they met, so if Vice starts slowly slipping up in seeing her as more... fragile, almost, if she starts butting heads with her over the coins like she knows her engine and its limits better than Karlach herself, THAT'S gotta hurt. Because Karlach, clearly, wants to live the rest of her life to the fullest, whatever reckless behavior that entails, and not be fucking babysat. Or, got forbid, lectured or ordered on HER condition after ten years of not having any autonomy.

Is Vice well-intentioned in her worry - of course, is she somewhat right - maybe (really, Karlach, is setting yourself on even more fire wise). Does she suddenly get any authority on how Karlach should live with her affliction or what she's capable of? Hells no, of course. Not to mention that Karlach would clearly rather not be reminded of it all that often, let alone let it stop or limit her. And to get it shoved in her face by a loved one? How fucking dare.

(I'm piggybacking a lot off of my own mother, who's thankfully NOT terminally ill in any capacity, but suffers from a condition where it's recommended she stops doing any physical labor. She doesn't stop. And she does get upset and angry when we pester her about it, because she just wants to keep doing things she was always capable of doing, regardless of how unsafe it is for her now, and doesn't appreciate being reminded of the fact that she's 'falling apart'. Not the best way to treat your sudden disability, but a human and stubborn one nevertheless.)

I can see a major fight about that happening at least once, with Vice having zero awareness of where she overstepped until told upfront. She got so sucked in into the leader role of caring about the group and steering them clear from bad choices that she briefly forgot that that's not what Karlach needs at all.

She'd have a lot of stuff to grapple with. Because at the very least watching Karlach's engine was one thing she could do. If she stops doing that as well, then it's back to the helplessness again, which, as mentioned, is the worst.

She would ultimately apologize, of course. And they'd surely talk it through, because for barbarians they're really fucking great at talking about their problems and such. Perhaps they even agreed to at the very least ditch the coin usage for good, as a compromise.

Vice also probably deliberately lead the party in some another monster cave for a yet another epic fight just to blow some steam off AND demonstrate genuine effort at change in the process. The rest of the party is less than impressed, but oh well. If her girl gets inspired and hyped by kicking yet another creature's ass and sees that she's not treating her as weak at all, it's worth it.

-----

When I was creating Vice I went to read about tiefling names and was fascinated by the concept of virtue names. So I looked through a huge bunch of suggestions and examples and I really liked Vice so that's what I named her. It ended up not suiting her personality very much, but considering that she took it all the way back when she was a teenage troublemaker it makes sense. As things stand now though, her vices have also become her strengths, which in a way honors her virtue name perfectly.

[llycaons]

you know I was so excited to move on from my lab job and do health care because I wanted to do meaningful work that wasn't for the purpose of making a businessman richer, unfortunately I live in america

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

13. Trust

It’s not fun to be put into a situation where the only person you can count on is the person who wants to kill you, nor is it fun to have to be put in a situation where you have to trust the person that you really want to kill, but Henry and Malice don’t really get a choice in the matter. (Set in an AU Where Allison and Tom capture both Henry and Malice alive.)

When Malice came charging at Henry, she was stopped by being tackled into unconsciousness by an almost identical angel.

His assumed savior hoisted her body up with ease, while the Boris with the mechanical arm had glared at both of them.

Henry tried to explain the situation to the newcomers, but the angry looking wolf simply ignored him as he walked up to the man and whacked him out with the pipe.

Both the angel and the Animator woke up in a cramped, tiny, makeshift prison while one of their kidnappers was singing and painting on the wall.

It was very tense and awkward when that happened.

Malice was clearly pissed off about sharing her cell with Henry (the man had similar opinions on the arrangement as he was rightfully upset about what she did to his Buddy Boris), but the animator could tell that she also seemed scared, outright terrified, of their captor.

While he wasn’t her biggest cheerleader, he did see some flickers of Susie still in there, there were still glimpses of a woman who poured her heart and soul into her role, and loved every minute of it until her betrayal broke her. Seeing the fallen angel so scared, and dare he say, helpless in this instance, reminded him of that tape in the Angel side room.

“Everything feels like it’s coming apart…”

His own heart broke when he first heard that tape, while he had never seen Susie get her role as Alice, he did see her voice some of those talking chairs, dancing chickens, and other minor roles. She always seemed to have fun with them and if Sammy didn’t pick her for Alice first, then he would’ve asked her himself.

The animator reached out, then hesitated, wondering if it was better to try to comfort her or to give her space.

The one who broke the silence between the three was the free angel who noticed that Henry was up when he moved.

“I know her, but who are you? Why are you here?”

“I was invited by an old friend, and now I can’t leave.”

Malice rolled her eye and muttered something under her breath.

“Then you know more than we do. One minute we don’t even exist… just… thoughts. And the next minute, this place.”

“Henry.” Malice whispered in his ear as she grabbed his hand. “I know I’m the last person you’d listen to, but don’t fall for her act! I know her, and I know she’s no better than Joey...”

Henry nodded in acknowledgement and turned back to the captor angel.

 “Are you gonna let us out of here?”

“She’s dangerous and down here, strangers aren’t good things. How can we trust you?”

“If we’re so dangerous, then why lock us up instead of killing us when you had the chance to?” Malice spoke through gritted teeth. “Why bother with the cage at all?”

The other angel stayed silent as she did not have an answer, leaving the other two in silence as well.

-----

It’s only for a few hours. No need to worry, I won’t go far… Only up to level six. Just stay here. Keep an eye on them, okay? I’ll be back as soon as I can. I promise.”

The Boris menacingly slapped the axe against his palm while watching over the pair, Malice refused to look him in the eye as he did so.

-----

“You’re drawing him again?” His cellmate asked curiously.

“Yeah, it’s just… I miss him. He was one of the only good things about this studio.”

While he was focused on his work, he did notice the twinge of guilt cross her features before her face fell into thought.

“...If it makes you feel any better, he’s not truly gone. The ink probably spat him back out a while ago and he’s probably wandering the studio looking for you.”

Henry raised an eyebrow.

“What makes you think that?”

“He disintegrated when you defeated him. Have you ever noticed that when you die, you come up somewhere else and you don’t find a corpse of yourself laying around the spot you were killed?”

“Come to think of it… I have noticed that.”

“When the Ink’s done with people, it leaves their bodies alone. When it’s not done with them, then if they die, it disintegrates their bodies and spits them out of the puddles somewhere else.”

“I have a feeling you know this from a lot of experience…”

“How very observant of you.” She deadpanned.

“Thanks, it’s a strong suit of mine.” He also deadpanned.

-----

“Henry? Susie?”

Malice shot the ‘clueless’ angel a glare as she set two bowls of bacon soup on the edge.

“Here, you two must be hungry.” She sheepishly looked down at the bowls. “Sorry, it’s all we have.”

The free angel turned and walked away while the Boris put his arms around the bowls, turned to glare at them, knocked the bowls onto the floor, and made a threatening gesture before leaving himself.

“They never planned on giving us the soup anyway.” Malice whispered to Henry. “It’s just their ‘good cop bad cop’ routine; “miss goody-two shoes” is the good cop who generously gives us dangerous monsters some of her and her guard dog’s limited portions of endless soup, while the “Mean wolf” is the bad cop who knocks over the soup and threatens us, out of her sight, but not out of her earshot.”

“Huh, ...Did they lock you up before?”

“No, I just know what they’re like; the happy little Bonnie and Clyde couple…”

------

“I know you’re watching me, it’s just... a little creepy.”

“It’s not like we have anything else to do.” Malice muttered under her breath.

The animator would’ve stayed silent, but as he watched his vocal captor write on the walls, he noticed how similar her own handwriting was to the messages on the other walls.

“You’re the one who writes on the walls!”

“Everyone does that.”

“-We all do.” The captor angel interjected as if she did not hear her prisoner. “For some poor souls down here, it’s the only way they can be heard. But you don’t want to touch the ink for too long! It can claim you… ...pull you back. That’s how I met Tom. I was messing with things I shouldn’t have been and he... ...he was there.”

“Why do you call him ‘Tom’?”

“He just seems to respond to it.”

“Well I don’t think he’s very fond of either of us.”

“Let me show you something...” She approached the cage. “A while back, I was mapping out one of the upper levels… ...when I noticed something reflecting off a piece of glass. I held up the glass, looked through, and on the wall behind me was a hidden message! Right there! In plain sight! So I kept looking, and found more and more messages everywhere in the studio! But you can’t see them with your eyes. Only through this! Take a look!”

Malice scoffed dismissively as the freed angel handed Henry the seeing eye tool.

‘SHE WILL LEAVE YOU FOR DEAD.’

“I don’t know who’s leaving them, but I think they know how to get out of here.”

“Where does it all lead to?”

“Nowhere.” she sighed. “I followed them for a long time... just leads me in circles. I don’t think I’m meant to leave this place Henry, but maybe… you are.” 

“And yet, you keep him locked up like a little bird…” Malice muttered.

“Alice, please let us out of here.”

“...Tom thinks you’re both dangerous.”

“Of course.”

“And what do you think?”

“I… I think… ...you’re the hope I’ve been waiting for. Go to sleep, maybe tomorrow will be better.”

-----

“I Hope you’re not taking everything she says at face value.”

“She seems harmless enough...”

“That’s what she’s trying to do- Look, I know you don’t trust me, and I can’t say I blame you for that. I don’t expect you, or WANT you to trust me. But Listen to me when I say this: I ended up as what you see me as BECAUSE I trusted her. Don’t make the same mistake I did, Henry, if you really want to get involved with her and make it out unscathed, then keep your guard up.”

Henry gestured for Malice to come closer and held the seeing glass up to show her the ‘SHE WILL LEAVE YOU FOR DEAD’ message.

“...Did you write this?”

“Yes Henry.” She sarcastically droned. “While I was working to achieve my perfection and setting up Bendy land’s obstacles, I went down to the secret lair of my worst enemy aside from the Ink Demon, both risking my life in the process and putting my goals into jeopardy, and wrote that message in invisible ink, just on the off chance that if she’d capture both of us alive instead of killing me.”

“I see.”

-----

“That was really stupid Tom! You shouldn’t have gone out there! Now that he’s seen you... it’s only a matter of time…” She grunted through adjusting his arm. “before he finds us here.”

She then waved at her captives, something that Tom noticed and began threateningly slapping the axe against his hand again.

-----

“We can’t just leave them! Not with the Ink Demon right outside the door!”

“What’s going on?”

“He’s coming. We have to move on.” A loud rumble echoed above them as Malice curled up in a corner praying for her safety. “Tom! We have to let them out!”

She pulled on the boards, Tom shook his head.

“...I’m Sorry.”

“No you’re NOT! DON’T LIE TO ME!” Malice Snapped. “YOU HAVE A SWORD! HE HAS AN AXE! IF YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT EITHER OF US EVEN THE TINIEST BIT, YOU’D CUT THE SHIT AND CUT DOWN THE BOARDS!”

Alice hesitated, but ran anyway, with Tom close behind her. Leaving them to their doom.

Malice fell to the ground and started to cry, she was shaking violently and saying things that Henry couldn’t make out because she was bawling so hard, but he could definitely make out the words ‘Ink Demon’ and ‘We’re going to die’ here and there.

“Alice?” He put his hand on her shoulder reassuringly. “Alice, we’re not going to die here.”

“How…” She sniffled. “How do you know that?”

“Well, I think you’re going to have to trust me on this, but...” He held up the seeing eye tool, showing her the messages in their cell itself. “I think whoever’s leaving these is trying to help.”

[iamnightduchess]

Reiner & Mikasa: A Retrospective Pt. 1

Why their combined synergy is poetic in potentially saving Eren by the end of SnK?

(Disclaimer: This is purely an appreciation post for my two favorite characters, [BR]OTP-influenced but in no way disregarding any other characters’ importance in the series) **contains spoilers for recent manga chapters & Ep. 63 of AoT’s Final Season. Image heavy.

Ever since they were trainees, Eren has always looked up towards both Reiner and Mikasa, although he wasn’t willing to admit to the latter in front of her face directly. But, in a feeling of helplessness, he confided in Reiner. He aspired to be just like the two strongest people in his life at that point: Reiner and Mikasa.

They are the top two cadets of the 104th batch and are almost always evenly matched in the multiple times they’ve tried to take each other down if it wasn’t for Reiner’s stroke of luck and Mikasa’s hesitance. (Mikasa managed to force him out of his Titan form using her last Thunder Spear but wasn’t enough to kill him even when she said she wanted to)

(Oh yes, she & Levi gave him enough trauma for his PTSD and he has recurring nightmares of her. But he still respects them. Enemy to enemy. Enemy to ally.)

Yet together, there’s still a fighting chance for them to stop Eren because of their deep bond with him. (Armin is important too that ARM still has a huge role to play in the second wave of the final fight. Especially now that he’s realized OG Ymir’s role in all of this. I hope)

At this current timeline of the manga, we have reached the point where Reiner and Mikasa, the very two people that Eren looked up to, have to be the ones (amongst the few) who collectively work together to defeat him, who’s under the Founder Ymir’s influence & in a way, saving him from whatever hopeless vortex he is in.

I very much like to draw light to this short, quick exchange between Reiner & Mikasa on the plane heading towards Fort Salta’s direction. The above panel, which highlighted Reiner’s perspective and his empathy, says “The weight of that unimaginable power & burden would not be easy to endure and that IF he was the one who has the Founder, he’d want it to be handled by someone else and if he couldn’t handle that immense power, he’d want the power to be stopped.” Some fans claimed that Reiner was ‘projecting’ his own innate desire to die on Eren but Reiner has always been the opposite to Eren’s character. The other side of the same coin as Eren’s.

The below panel follows and it’s very interesting to note that if we look at Reiner’s gaze as he was speaking, indirectly Reiner is admitting that he’d want to be stopped by someone he knows could do exactly that and that person or his kryptonite is Mikasa. Ok, woman, this man’s weakness is you. It couldn’t get any direct than that rofl

Reiner was being very mindful (and respectful) of his implication as he is very aware on how delicate is Mikasa’s feelings when it comes to Eren. (Tbh, I also observe the unspoken understanding & mutual respect between these two) Eren’s her family & to directly call out to Mikasa to be more proactive in her actions would be inconsiderate of him despite the situation they’re in. Just like at the harbor, before the showdown with the Jeagerists, Reiner gave them the option to stay aside & not interfere, knowing full well he & the rest of the Marleyan survivors would be no different than headless chickens without the SC’s support. He didn’t force them, just like he didn’t impose his thoughts on Mikasa.

Then BOOM -- PATHS INTERMISSION. Brought to you by OG!Ymir through Young!Eren. Coincidentally, as if ‘someone’ out there wants to place weight on Reiner’s suggestion.

However, after the Paths intermission, that might just be the first wake up call to Mikasa. It’s also interesting that once again we are reminded that no matter how fast or how hard Mikasa tried to chase after Eren, she’ll never be able to get close to him. She gave him her world yet he kept moving forward & leave her behind, chasing after his shadows as he keeps going down a path that no one else can follow. I think it’s interesting that The Paths looped her back to Reiner

The horrified expression on Reiner’s face in the panel below somewhat tells me that he knew his earlier implications are not just him grasping desperately at straws but it feels like there’s the ‘human’ side of Eren, still untainted by Ymir’s will, like he believes, who secretly wants to be stopped. He understood how horrible it is for Mikasa, especially with the look of absolute shock on her face to finally have the awful truth confirmed. (At this point, Armin is already past the point of holding back & will do whatever necessary to rip Eren out of the Founding’s form)

I would like to take the time to share my appreciation of these rich panels of Mikasa working closely with Reiner’s Armored (together with the rest of course). Mikasa doesn’t tell her feelings verbally but she always shows it on her face.

Oh yes, right after the above panel, she had to get out of the way but her face below explains the anger and the rage she felt when she saw the Colossal took a bite out of the Armored’s nape & toss its body away like it’s just point blank garbage.

She was desperately worried that Armin was taken, but at Levi’s behest, she trusted Armin with his orders and they forced themselves to move forward. But one can see she was about to go apeshit when she saw what happened to Reiner & his Armored.

While Reiner & Jean were having a Titanic bro moment here, which is also pivotal in my opinion as Reiner, once again felt he finally belonged amongst people who genuinely care about him Survey Corps Suicide Squad yo even after what had happened between them. (It was a symbolical scene as well where Reiner has to let go of his old bro, Bertolt to move forward with his new bro, Jean.) Mikasa swooped in & kill the random Titan form that was about to make Reiner its lunch. Can’t blame them, that man is a delicious footlong sub. This woman ain’t gonna share haha crack humor, people! 

“If we fight, we win. If we lose, we die.”

Yes, the breaking point of one Mikasa Ackerman. This is a wholesome callback to Trost arc, the day before their graduation. When she found out that Eren died, she went apeshit & went on a “fuck this shit. i have nothing to lose anymore” mode. Jean, as usual, being the tough guy Jean, is angry that she’s putting her life on the line. Again.

But what’s interesting to me was the helpless look on Reiner’s face. He knows she’s super strong, he respects her so much for that & she’s buying them time and was more than willing to die first before everyone does BUT he can’t do much at that point because he’s at his last limit and Jean’s not letting his hand go either. Seriously, THIS is the woman you should marry, bro. She’s willing to die for you & everyone else. This woman is a damn keeper!

Although I am very sure, everyone’s ready to die for each other at this point.

Back to the original pondering: The Reiner & Mikasa saving Eren with/through Armin going directly against Ymir.

The Final Exhibition played a lot on this Eren vs Reiner with Mikasa being in the middle. Touched on this briefly before.

The Final Stand highlights the confrontation between The Founding/Attack against The Armored, with Mikasa being in the middle of the confrontation, tipping the scales of the outcome. Before, she assisted Eren against Reiner.

We are seeing her working together with Reiner to take Eren down right now. The definitive final question that would be answered soon was printed on the wall featuring Eren & Reiner’s exhibition panel:  “Who’s the one that will disappear from this world?”

I just hope that the right one(s) persevere. Reiner & Mikasa are going to Bonnie & Clyde/ Cloak & Dagger / Cyclops & Phoenix that shit out

Read on their characters compatibility in Part 2

[wetalkedaboutthisshinji]

More Jojolion Long ass texts

TOTAL SPOLERS TO THE LAST CHAPTER

I just have lots of thoughts about recent Jojolion revelations.

It took me a while but I think I´m finally at peace with the fact that the Calamity Arc was 90% sure the climactic Jojolion arc and that Tooru is Part 8´s entrance to the Jojo Big Bad Gallery TM, a supervillain group truly on the level of the Disney Villains. I´m only half joking lol.

It hurts bc I was (and still am) a strong believer on Big Bad Kaato. I LOVED the idea of a female Big Bad, especially one that gray and I was very curious about seeing her stand in a Stand Battle.I love evil ladies and that blinded me  I don´t even think Araki chickened out or anything, but that Big Bad Kaato clearly was never the idea for the story he had. Still, Kaato´s scenes, while too short, were damm cool, and Space Truckin´is a damm cool stand, but I still wish we had seen it more. I wonder if it could be used offensively? It at least can trap people from a distance, which is very useful. Im so angry bc its power was sooooo good for some JJBA weird moves, but alas.

One thing I love about Jojolion is that it completely goes against the normal tropes of a shonen/seinen battle manga in that most of the characters are just....people. It really is a Twin Peaks TM plot with more fighting. With the exception of the Rock Humans and Jousuke most of the characters are, like, some guy from town, at worst kinda shady and mean. We have housewives, a model, a divorcee, local businessowners, some doctors and an oddly viscious agriculture university student. Of couse Part 4, which Jojolion mirrors, had some of that, but IMO you really get more of a sense of normalcy on Jojolion, maybe bc Araki changed his way of writing a lot, maybe because Jojolion is more of an ensemble story, maybe because it´s less episodic. So you take these randos and give them superpowers and involve them in fights against supernatural beings and I think that´s part of the reason why the fights are so quick and to the point. Characters like Mitsuba or Kaato are really just normal people that happen to have stands so it makes sense for them not to do the whole strategic Stand Battle. And it bought us some awesome moments. Looking back maybe there were a bit too many “this character looked helpless but NO” but damm if it didn´t hype me up when reading it.

So, yeah, Kaato had her role, did her thing, and got Kei’d. And she was never evil, but rather, like Jobin, more morally gray and she died a martyr. And I wish both had more to do, but the part is long and Araki clearly wanted it to be a 3-way conflict with a clearer villain.....

evil twink Tooru.

Ngl I was at first really against Tooru and wanted him to be just a big antagonist and not THE big bad. After I calmed down and reread some past chapters I feel much more appreciative. I like how he really has a different dynamic, being a "mistery villain" but in a different way to Pucci or Diavolo. He really looks harmless and Araki clearly worked HARD with the misdirections. Theres a reason there were some fools (like me) still arguing against him being tbe antagonist. I checked his intro again back on the Doctor Wu fight and I really like how totally whatever the scene is the first time around. He absolutely could have been a minor character. Rereading it the whole thing is SO ominous AND everything Tooru says has a double meaning. I also like that his oddness can be chalked up to being a romantic rival to Jousuke, which threw off lots of folk (likeAs for WOU I'm also starting to like the fight more and more. The power over causality def is on the same level as power over time or space and I like how the characters are forced to think of loopholes and try out different ways to hurt him, playing with his "kill list" and such. I also like that WOU has limitations and that the Dr. and Tooru have to work with them to be deadlier, which makes them both so much smarter. I KINDA dislike how at the end he turned out to be so stupidly poweful that only Go Beyond can hurt him, which is not the worst Deus Ex Machina (Jousuke had to "figure" out his own stand --thats kinda symbolic for someone with duch a complex identity) but its a bit cheap for a 20+ fight.

Of course the real insanity is how unique of a stand WOU is. I dont think we had ever seen a stand this autonomous and smart? In my opinion thats what makes the fight so unique and Tooru so powerful. Its only balanced stat-wise in that neither Tooru or his stand buddy looks particularly powerful offensive or defensive wise in a conventional fight. Not that they needed it. Cant help but wonder how the hell could they add Tooru as a fighter if theres another JJBA fighting game. Maybe a double fighter?

Finally you gotta love the Magritte (hope im spelling it right) references with the doctor. Araki clearly was having fun and it added some "classic art" thing to the part. Kaato's attack and all of calamity also looked great, if we ever see Jojolion animated Im sure it will be a feast for the eyes.

Ofc maybe all this bs means nothing if Araki does pull a 180° next chapter. But thats the Jojo experience.

If anyone´s interested in this, how do you feel Tooru and WOU stack up against the other Jojo Big Bads?

[spockandawe]

give me Steve/Loki thoughts :D

THE BOYS!!!!!!!!

Downsides: 

For some reason, they hardly get any canon time together??? I’m sure this is just some unintentional oversight, but it wounds me, personally.

And on a character-driven level, Loki doesn’t react great to people trying to nudge him to be a good boy, which isn’t exactly what Steve does, but he does have a way of... encouraging people around him to be their best selves, and that unfortunately hits Loki right in the well-if-you-want-to-see-me-as-your-enemy-I’ll-be-the-best-goddamn-enemy-ever baggage. Plus Steve has his own baggage with being ““enough””, and the people he cares about ““leaving”” him, and especially at the time when they meet, Loki doesn’t really give off the most... stable vibes.

Upsides:

The good news is that those are just logistical downsides, babey, and what we have here is fertile, fertile ground for slow-burn character development!!! 

I guess it does make it a lot harder to casually ship them, which makes it difficult for me on the creator front, because even when times were less stressful and plaguey, I’m not much of a longfic writer. But I am a longfic consumer, and oh my god, this ship! These personalities!!!!!!

So, okay. On the one hand, you have Loki, a brittle, angry, skittish man who is still processing the idea that he is, in a very literal way, a “monster,” and that his father lied to him, and that the deck was always stacked against him and he was never going to be good enough, and probably he was never actually loved to begin with. (the idea of being quote-unquote enough is an important thread for both of them that I’m worried I’ll get excited and forget, but it’s important to remember). He’s lost his home and family, he tried to kill himself, he went on a deep space mindbreak torture vacation, and showed back up to attempt to conquer earth, and just had a really unhappy times of things.

And on the other hand, you have Steve, who was so determined to serve in wwii and be part of something important that he volunteered to be a test dummy for a super-soldier manufacturing experiment. He’s spent a lot of time both accomplishing as much as he possibly could (even though wwii is too much for one person to handle, and it never feels like he does enough) and to live up to the image of the idol he was held up as (even though he’s intimately aware of all the ways he fails to live up to that ideal). And in the end, he lost his best friend, he lost his home, he sacrificed himself and lost everything and got dragged into a future where he can still see a few little traces of the home and friends he left behind, just enough to make the present jarringly alien. And the strongest trace of himself left in the world is the “Captain America” image, and all the conflicted feelings that came with that (the unhappy pressure of living up to a role you aren’t sure you want to keep playing is also another thread connecting these two).

Now, together... On a superficial level, these two have personalities and priorities that are very different, and it’s not difficult to see them both being very frustrated with the decisions the other one has made. It would be so easy for them to pass each other by and go on their own way without even wondering if they’d missed out on something important.

But if you can hold them next to each other for long enough, it’s just magic. A shippy thing that I just had to find the words for in the starjack ask was that you can end up in a shipping situation where it superficially seems like one character is a martyr who just gives and gives and gives, like Steve. And I don’t think Steve is super helpless or unwilling to stand up for himself. But give me a person in his corner, who is willing to be selfish for his sake. Steve might have his limits, but they are generous limits, and give me a Loki who will see people trying to impose and not be as patient as Steve. It doesn’t have to be an actual intervention, it doesn’t even need to change anything, just give me Loki draped across his back grumbling about how it’s stupid that these people are saying they neeeed Captain America when all they want is clearly a photo op.

And the emotional needs that this fulfills for Loki... this is my jam........ It’s not that he needs someone to love him unconditionally, because 1) there’s Thor, and 2) I don’t think Steve’s love is the full unconditional. But give him someone who’s not tied up directly in all of his old pain and baggage and emotions, and give him someone who’s willing to take a step back and try to understand his decisions. I don’t think Loki has made good decisions, and I don’t think Loki thinks he’s made good decisions. But I also don’t expect Loki to try to explain himself (I expect him to play up the villainy-for-the-sake-of-villainy thing tbh), and I do think it’s very likely that Steve will slow down and try his best to think through why Loki made the decisions he did.

This is a general character thing that comes up most often for me in shipping contexts, but I love characters who make terrible decisions for... insufficient reasons. I don’t need the story to justify why they were actually right after all, I don’t need them to put on a self-flagellating repentance act. But I always, always want to read about someone looking at those terrible decisions and subjecting that character to the good ol’ mortifying ordeal of being known.

And like Starscream, like Mu Qing, I think that ordeal is particularly mortifying and painful for Loki. I think it hurts, a lot, and that he would really prefer if people didn’t try to touch the open wound. And I also am trying real hard not to make Steve into a selfless perfect saint, because I don’t like doing that to any character, but especially get uncomfy doing it to him when he’s got the Captain America ideal thing going on. But he is very determinedly empathetic and kind. I expect him to probe at why Loki did his Loki things, but I expect him to do it as gently as someone could reasonably expect. 

Plus, very id-tastic, both of them have the sort of damage that I think would set off the other one’s protective instincts :PPPP I’m a woman of simple needs! And those needs are ‘no, I’m protecting you.’ I already went into some of that with Loki being a person who will advocate on Steve’s behalf. But also, once Loki stops being an immediate Threat (which i don’t think takes much, he’s a very, very worn out man, at almost any point in canon), I think Steve is able to avoid slipping into ‘right, let’s all of us just pretend none of that ever happened’ while also not being okay with people, like... taking out frustrations and old grudges on him. When Loki is ready to dive into despairfrustration and start playing the supervillain role that everyone expects from him, Steve is capable of expecting better from him, without also invalidating the emotions he’s feeling.

Oh lord, haha, this has gotten away from me. I need to cut myself off, probably. But no ragrets whatsoever. I like this ship so much, Lise! You did this to me!! XDDDD

[ziracona]

Sorry if this has been asked before but, I'm really curious about how you would have written Max in the story if he were to be there? He's one of my personal favorite characters and finding redemption stories about him is kinda hard (You have no idea how happy I was when I read Claudette threw him a scarf to stay warm, like yes please; he's a feral child in a killer's body, but please stay warm)

I don’t think I have been, and no problem!

If Max had had a larger role in ILM, I am not 100% sure how I’d have written his perosnality, since I haven’t had to do it yet in-depth, but I know he’d be very angry and both defensive and aggressive towards everything, warry, skittish, hostile. Not bad necessarily, but humans will raise hackles and be ready to lash out and bite if they’ve all they’ve ever known is abuse the same way a mistreated cat or dog would, or like, most any living thing. I think he’s very lonely and unloved, and it’s hard for humans to survive without positive contact and affirmation and physical affection. I mean, if we’re left alone totally, we literally just die. But since his only experience with humans—and his parents/the people who should have loved him most no less—was nothing but danger and abuse and isolation and imprisonment, I think it’d be very hard for him to be approached. Not at all impossible, but man, it is really, really hard to convince someone who’s been through torrential rains of abuse that there’s something else to be given.

I do have ideas on how you could get through, but let me think about personality first. Well, aside from aggressive, defensive, skittish, warry, and hostile, like inborn traits to go along with learned, I think he is a very volatile person. He must be enduring and strong to survive what he did and live, and so determined and tenacious. —Oh! Hang on, big one before I forget. So, I am not a forefront authority in Disability as it relates to narrative, but I know quite a bit and was lucky enough to have a professor whose central areas were Disability, Horror, and Disability in Horror. I don’t know who exactly popularized the idea of Max as having basically a child’s mind in an adult’s killer body, though I think I’ve been told it was one person or story? Maybe it was just a big fandom take. But that’s one of the most prevailing and harmful disability stereotypes, especially for mental disabilities, and horror is a massive offender in general with both disabilities and disorders, and we need to do better & listen to the communities themselves more. I don’t mean this in a harsh way at all—I don’t even know if you meant ‘feral child in a killer’s body’ that way, or meant like, ‘this feral man in a killer’s body is my child TuT’—which is a totally different statement—and even with the former, I know people have had that idea of Max super popularized and are inundated with it, and most people I think just don’t know it’s a very harmful and prevalent stereotype period—I didn’t until I was in my 20s. But I think it’s important to bring attention to it when it’s brought up. Many of the bad things done to people with disabilities come from treating them as not fully actualized humans (I guess I should say ‘us’), and some of those ways are easy to spot, because they’re cruel, and some are harder, because they seem positive. The ‘child mind in an adult body’ is a huge one for disabilities that doesn’t seem awful at first glance, but actually is a huge problem. Unfortunately, human children also get treated by and large as not fully realized humans (as in autonomous & worthy of respect and self-determination—obvs there are some differences that are important, but a child is still an entire ass human & should be respected as such). The painting a physically and mentally disabled character as childlike or mentally trapped as a child is used to control and take autonomy and gravity from our opinions and lives. It’s also just like, not accurate. But the biggest thing is that it takes agency from individuals and paints them as less intelligent, less capable of wanting or pursing more ‘adult’ things [such as jobs or sex or protesting for their rights or having informed opinions on current events and doing something about it], and tries to paint that permanent, life-long dehumanization as a positive thing by making it cute or innofenssive at first glance. While still discounting disabled as kids, passing off autonomy and decisions to their caregivers, and ignoring our status as equal and actualized individuals. Stunted learning or growth or different ways of speaking, moving, and limitations understanding certain things don’t actually make disabled people like children. They’re just adults who sometimes have some very different ways of speaking or thinking or seeming or being. But it’s super important that we’re still adults and like, have the actualized self of adults, even if our speech patterns seem weird. There’s a huge and extremely important difference between an adult with social hangups around sensitive areas and social norms, and being a child. If you didn’t know any of that, don’t feel too bad, again like, people who aren’t disabled almost never talk about disability theory or issues, and I didn’t know this till I was in my 20s. But I feel really bad for Max and bad about how he is usually characterized, so it is important to bring this up.

Okay! That all said, I think personality wise, Max would be really fun to write. Because you have two levels—you have the taught things—fear, aggression, etc, and his inborn perosnality. There is very little canon about Max, but we know he never left home after freeing himself, he steals clothes from scarecrows or whatever he can find, and he’s probably in his early 20s or maybe to his mid 20s now. Since he never left home, I’d think he’s probably a little more cautious and anctious by nature, even with all that rage. I think he’d be sentimental if he ever was given something to love. He must have attachment to things pretty easily, and would I think have liked people a lot because of that, if life had been different. Would have been a shy but friendly and hopeful farm boy. Now, he’s kind of a broken mess, sadly. He’s had it super pounded in by family he is worthless and horrific and disgusting and a monster and an abomination, so I think he expects all humans to take one look and violently feel the same towards him. Taught humans are cruel, and he isn’t safe with them, and the only thing that will stop them and protect himself is unchecked aggression.

So, when it comes to like, getting close enough to him to redeem him, it’s rough, because again, he’d be very very aggressive. I mean, even after killing his parents, he mutilated the animals on the farm in rage, and continued to viciously hurt and then kill anything living he could find on the farm, so he’s got a lot of danger, and he really leaned into violence to protect himself. It’s what he knows now. I think he’s still lonely — like, so lonely he’s sick with it — but unlike Anna and Michael, he’s never known love, so I don’t think he’s even aware of that, and it’s on a pretty subconscious level. Plus, he has even less understanding of human communication and rules and gestures than the other feral killers, so it’d be really hard to get through to him. I think about the only plausible way is really, really, really fuckin slowly, through repeated gifts and kindnesses for no reason (like Claude with the scarf but every day for three years)—the same way you’d try to get through to a feral cat, since like other living things, humans also are wary and mistrustful when hurt, but can be socialized into new situations and do have a pretty set list of gifts and actions we appreciate. I mean, if I was feral, I would start to soften if repeatedly left chocolates and big warm coats and picture books to look at, pretty rocks. I have a crow heart.... >.> Or, the much more likely option, you’d have to catch him or find him captured and helpless, and then be kind instead of doing anything bad at all, and help him for a somewhat extended period of time, nurse him back to health or such, so he’d be forced to actually realize this person isn’t trying to hurt him—they’re trying to help.

I think Max would get less hostile slowly and cautiously because like, if you’ve ever been horribly abused you know you’re afraid to be hurt again. But also, if you’re alone, there’s a battle between wanting some kind of constact and love, and the fear of trying to trust someone only to be brutally torn up again and cast aside. It’s a painful place to be. But I think once he made it over that initial trust hurdle, and could bring himself to stop shuddering at a touch and to believe the person helping him was just trying to give him food, not poison or something to choke on, he’d be absolutely overcome, becuase if you’ve never been shown kindness and then are, overwhelmingly, it’s really hard to process. There’s a lot of psychology stuff about how we form our understandings and processing of each other and the world that I’m not gonna go into much bc convoluted, but it’d be like the opposite weirdly of a Just World break. The realization some things are less awful than your cemented life understanding structure. It would feel wrong and be hard to process (and rewireing a brain takes some time), but he’s been so alone for so long, I think the longing for people would get through, and he would cautiously start to trust and be just bowled over and kind of intimidated by the strength of like, the love and affection and gratitude and belonging he’d start to feel. I think he’d be afraid, becuase it’s not how life is meant to go, and jumpy, but he’d also just be lost to the happiness of actually having some kind of positive human connection, and become fiercely protective of whoever (or whichever people) was/were helping him. Got something he doesn’t want to lose now.

He’s young, so he’s going to still be figuring stuff out, and he had an awful upbringing, so lots of confusion and anger and un-learning too, but I’m really glad you liked that scene!! 😭 and that you like Max too, because he needs more love. I like him a lot too, that’s why he ends up with an undetermined fate instead of, like, dead in ILM. I’d like to give him a fully story role sometime, when there’s more space for it. He’s such a complex and unfortunate guy, he deserves a chance to grow more right and find people who are different and have a better future. TuT. It ain’t fair how his life was.

[bluepunkmon]

This is all very spur of the moment and scattered and bad but I wanted to get it out of the way before I start working soon soooo

(this is personal and what I personally would enjoy seeing, apologies if it diverges from canon too much)

Now, let’s talk about Guinevere. Can we talk about Guinevere, please? I’ve been dying to talk about Guinevere with you all day, okay.

Ok so Guin, I’ve got lots of thoughts about her. I’ve seen Lots of far interpretations, and they’re all very valid and extremely good, we need more of them.

My grand conclusion walking around one morning was; what if she’s a grumpy cynic?

This came from me thinking about Camelot in general. In most King Arthur media I’ve experienced/seen, the court is always wrapped in a sense of nostalgia. King Arthur’s court was uniquely good, a shining beacon on a hill, and England was worse off for its loss

(I haven’t played past Fate GO’s Camelot chapter bc I’m really stuck and I haven’t read all of fate so idk how off this is w fate, apologies)

A cursory glance at the Fate wiki describes Guin as pretty fucked up over marrying Arturia purely for ideals, and the pressure, and Lancelot, and like, everything

And that’s cool! She goes through a lot of tough shit.

In a few variations of the legend I’ve seen, Guin lives after the fall of Camelot and becomes a nun? Sometimes.

(again, I haven’t played past Fate GO’s Camelot chapter and I haven’t read all of fate so idk how off this is w fate)

 Idk I just think itd be neat if, after however long of being a nun/living in isolation/being away from it all, Guin goes, ‘hey wait what the fuck was all of that’

She’s got a lot of time for self reflection, and it makes some of the sadness (some, she’ll always be sad about what happened), starts to sour. Why did the fall happen? Why did she have to marry Arturia if she didn’t love her? Who put all of the pressure on Arturia and Camelot to be perfect?

She questions more and more, and is really truly, deep to her bones angry

Anger makes her wake up a bit more to what’s going on around her. Camelot just fell, so maybe things are chaotic, maybe they’re sliding back into the warring states Arturia unified, maybe they’re facing opportunistic neighbors pushing their limits now that a major governing body has imploded, Idk, im not an Arthurian scholar

Point is things are messed up and Guin doesn’t ever want to feel as helpless as she as before, so she starts doing stuff. First nursing the wounded who come to them at the nunnery (assuming there were nunneries then that did charity work I am not an Arthurian scholar as I said), but the itch doesn’t go away, and it doesn’t feel like enough

So she leaves, and does more stuff. More medicine, helping to farm, whatever needs to be done. She tells no one about who she was. Less questions that way. Less questioning about random wanderer who knows medicine and farming and goes so far as to defend others by wearing patchwork armor and fighting, because by this point she’s learned to do that too.

She never does this to be a hero. As she reflects more, she realizes that she doesn’t like the very concept of a hero. Camelot is a double-edged memory. It was bad that it fell, and that so many died, but she’s now realizing she was never happy there. The perfect system relied on her fulfilling a role she didn’t want. And, more time goes by, she even pities Arturia, from what little she could see it was a lot of pressure on one person. The perfect system was also built on serfdom, and after more time living alone she realizes that that isn’t all that great either

So shes disenchanted with Camelot, and heroes, and kings, and probably divinity too once she gets around to it.

Gion roves around, helping out when shes asked, laying low when she isn’t, and eventually she dies. Maybe plague, maybe fighting soldiers, maybe when she tries to fistfight whatever god or gods were in charge of camelots fate. Point is she dies, and shes left behind such an impression that some part of her starts to materialize as a heroic spirit. Maybe as a mysterious errant knight (which shed hate wow), maybe as some spirit of the people, idk

But! Guin really, really hates heroes! So much so that she actually subconsciously resists becoming summonable. Hence why she still isn’t in FGO.

If she ever is summoned, somehow, she’ll be summoned as she was living post-Camelot. And it works out, because even when face is uncovered, most wouldn’t immediately look and frowning, scarred, weathered woman and think queen of Camelot

I think shed prefer it like that, and only divulging who she is to others from her time. She’s had decades to grow with what happened, but she still doesn’t really want to get into it again, sooo shes putting that off as long as possible

TL;DR, I made my own version of Guinevere ‘heroes are overrated and so is feudalism’ Pendragon

[just-call-me-natt]

3 March,2021 - 1906

Work today is killing me.. Recently I’ve been moved to the Sales manager role from my existing role, I was glad I get to keep my job but also a bit scared about taking this on because several sales managers before me had quite because it’s just not the best role to take in this company.

The workload is huge, because it’s a small company the Sales ‘Department’ only consist of myself. I have no one to back me up and no one else to help me. My responsibility ranges from dealing with angry customers to sorting out delivery and rearranging orders for production. I feel very helpless because there is just no one there to help and the stress I’m feeling is immense.

So far I’ve only been in the role for 2 days, and the previous sales manager has not been making this any easier but harder.. His sales handover was limited, it didn’t include all the info I need but only the big clients. The smaller customers needs were it translated and I had to spend so much time to investigate the convo he had with the client and it’s taking too long. I’ve also not been assisted in transitioning my previous role’s responsibility to anyone else, which meant I’m working two to three roles in a company.

I’m really struggling and frustrated..

[currentlyreadingmanga]

Toilet-bound Hanako-kun Chapter 18: Mitsuba (Part 1)

Previously: we wrapped up the little mermaid arc. Hanako and Yashiro’s relationship continues to evolve while they figure out where they stand and how they want to move forward. In relation to that, Hanako confirmed that the person he killed was his younger twin brother and he promised to tell Yashiro the whole story in the future. We also met what I assume will be our complete group of antagonists (at least for the time being): Natsuhiko, Sakura and Hanako’s brother. Their dynamic so far seems to be (surprisingly) quite playful and lively, but also Hanako’s brother murdered the puffer fish with such glee that I just  (;;⚆_⚆)

Now onto the next chapter!

Welp, I didn’t intend to take another long break but life happened and I have the attention span of a goldfish. As a way to also make myself stick to a schedule, I’m gonna try my best to do these recaps as regularly as possible. We’ll see how that goes.

This time we open with Kou and his friends talking about a rumor that says that the entrance to the middle school is haunted. I’m guessing this means that this arc will be a little more Kou-centric? Especially since he and Hanako were the ones in the cover of this new volume. I wonder if he’s gonna do his own thing with Hanako and/or Yashiro chiming in like in The Young Exorcist Arc, because that would be cool.

Okay, so apparently the ghost grabs you when you’re changing your shoes. And judging by the ominous “Hey” speech bubble, I’m guessing this rumor is true just like the others, then (not like I was expecting anything else, but still) Also Kou’s friends are very cute, they look like they deserve hair ruffles.

(ﾟдﾟ；) Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) JFC that’s much more terrifying that I thought it would be. Also!!! does that head angle give anyone else crooked man vibes? no? because it’s giving me some horrible flashbacks to that game.

The chapter cover page here is that image (from ch 16) that has our three babies looking ready to tell some ghost stories. I wonder if it’s something that this site did or if the volume itself repeats this page. Nevertheless, I still love this page, they look very very cute.

The title this time is “Mitsuba”, which sounds like a name and I’m only saying that because I think I might have heard of another character with that name. Then again, my japanese is very limited, so I could be completely wrong. If it IS a name, I’m guessing it’s gonna be our crooked man’s over there since most chapters so far were named after the different supernaturals. 

Moving on, Kou shows the ghost that he decided to mess with the wrong guy by promptly throwing them against the shoe lockers. RIP ghost (again).

Oh! Kou says that the ghost is wearing a school uniform, so he was possibly a student here. Interesting! Now, we don’t know when this boy died, but this means that Hanako isn’t the only ghost that has an attachment to this school. The question then would be why this boy is here specifically and not somewhere else.

OH!!!!!! There he is!! He’s the pink-haired boy, right?? Okay, so, it’s been a while, but I mentioned that I had seen two spoilers when my instagram feed decided to betray me. One was Hanako’s brother and the other was this boy here! I saw him two times in two pieces of fanart with Kou. I didn’t know he would appear so soon! Ohhhhhh that’s exciting! I’m guessing he must be important in some way, right? He looks really cute! and now I feel bad about the crooked man comment (even though his neck really looked kinda funky in that one panel). Are they gonna become friends?? Is Kou gonna expand his friend list to two (2) ghost friends?.......oh, god, I hope Teru doesn’t object to this one too. Well, no, I don’t think he would; he wants to exorcise Hanako because he considers him a danger to the school (and I’m not saying that Hanako doesn’t have the power to hurt others but like…….his brother really seems like the bigger threat right now ngl……...Although, do they even know about him? Because we know that Kou’s grandmother (?) was the one to seal Hanako away and his family knows that he killed “someone”, but do they know about his twin?)

Hey, there’s my other two children! So they are gonna be involved in this arc as well, cool.

OMFG KOU! Sweetie, no! Like, I get it, he’s a ghost that tried to grab you and he could have hurt someone but he looks so helpless, like a scared puppy! I get tying him up but was the duct tape on the face really necessary? I mean, no one else besides the other supernaturals and Yashiro and Teru would have heard him, right? I can’t even be mad at him tho, look at how excited he is about catching a ghost  ಥ‿ಥ    

Anyway, it seems like he went to Hanako to check how he could deal with the ghost. And awwww!! It’s because he doesn’t want to exorcise him, either! He’s really committed to this new path, huh? Good on you, Kou, I’m so proud. 

Hanako gives the boy a long silent look and tells Kou that since the ghost is there probably because of some unfinished business, that means he should help him solve whatever they are. I mean, if countless movies have taught me anything, it is that this plan should probably work.

Omfg Kou just keeps yanking this little ghost boy around. Please be careful with the ghost child. Yashiro shows her concern over the idea (understandable, Kou can be overly enthusiastic and we don’t know anything about this new boy). Hanako says it’ll be fine and he also confirms that the boy is not really dangerous now (the “now” is kinda concerning, though (⚆.⚆) …..but then again, since I saw him and Kou in fanarts, I’m guessing things will turn out okay), and that if things take a turn for the worse, it’s just more work for him because he’s the mediator. Hmmm, that’s quite a solemn look on his face. I think he mentioned this when we met the mokke as Yousei-san, but he wants to avoid killing/getting rid off apparitions whenever possible, right? That’s why having Yashiro as his assistant works in his favour. So that means that he probably doesn’t want to have to “deal” with this ghost, but since that’s the nature of his role, he has no other choice if push comes to shove.

(ALSO, this is a side note but it just hit me: since Hanako doesn’t seem to know this ghost, that means that he’s new? or maybe that he recently acquired the ability to manifest? could it be because of the rumors? like, he was just doing his own thing and suddenly the rumors forced him to haunt the entrance?)

Anyway, we cut back to Kou and ghost boy.

Omfg this poor child. Kou, please untie him before he starts crying.

……………………………...oh my god. I- well, I expected many things but this was not one of them. Like, he has every right to be angry but wow this child has a mouth on him. But also it could be because of the way it’s translated but it’s very funny to me that his insults range from “i hope you drop dead” to “dummy head” pffft.

I-..... He’s really nothing like I expected omg what. Sweetie, breath, trust me when I say Kou would be one of the last people to even think about doing something like that.

OMFG I JUST SCROLLED

Pffffffffft why is that so funny?? I can’t be the only one that  read that in the spongebob narrator voice.

But yeah, it looks like he got it all out of his system. Now Kou is trying to maintain his “cool guy facade” so that ghost boy will respect him (I think it’s gonna take more than that to achieve it, but we’ll see). He also tells him that he comes from a family of exorcists but that backfires spectacularly because the boy basically calls him an otaku. RIP Kou, he really can’t catch a break pffft

Ghost boy keeps being sassy and that makes Kou threaten him with his staff. Good thing he doesn’t know that it’s sealed and that it doesn’t really work.

Hey! His name really is Mitsuma (thank god, I can finally stop calling him ghost boy). He really isn’t the cooperative type, huh? Also what’s that bottom left face omfg Please just let Kou know, he just wants to help.

Like, I know they’re brothers but wow Kou looks so much like Teru right here, scary face and all. But yeah, anyway. A picture? Like, he lost a picture that he treasured? Or maybe he wants to take one? Or he wanted to take a picture with someone else?

Ohhhh, okay. So he was part of the photography club and there was a picture he wanted to take before he died. Or so he thinks. So like, do you lose part of your memories when you die? If so, could it be because of the passage of time or as defense mechanism of some sort? If his camera is still at the club, then that probably means that he was a student here not too long ago.

We cut to Kou helping Mitsuba take some pictures (and being attacked by birds in the process), And from the looks of it, it’s all on purpose and Mitsuba is having way too much fun with the power he has lol Kou, in turn, keeps zapping him with his staff when Mitsuba gets too cocky. Boy, these two already have quite the dynamic, I can’t even imagine how chaotic they’re gonna get in the future.

Kou then points out that Mitsuba has taken pictures of scenery and animals but none of people. Mitsuba admits that pictures of people are better if you want to win awards but then cuts himself off. Hmmm. Does he like to take pictures of nature better because of his artistic style or could there be a deeper meaning behind it? 

Here’s your reminder that I really really love Kou  ಥ‿ಥ He’s such a good boy I just  ಥ‿ಥ  ಥ‿ಥ 

“I’ll pass” PFFFFFFFFFFT these two give me whiplash, I swear. Mitsuba is freaking brutal (and I’m kinda living for it ngl).

Hey, one of Kou’s friends, Yokoo, is back! 

Oh????? Did Mitsuba went to the school recently? Were they in the same year??? Kou didn’t look like he recognized him, so maybe he was in a different class?

Ah, they actually were in the same class during their first year. Is Kou in his last year of middle school? So….they were in the same class two years ago? 

Oh no. Mitsuba died sometime last winter in an accident. It looks like he has a big scar on the back of his neck; if that’s how he died, it seems like it was quite painful. This poor child ;; Yokoo mentions that they weren’t really that close to him (and that’s very clear considering Kou’s reaction). I wonder why Mitsuba didn’t say anything. But then again, Kou didn’t really give him any signals to work with, I guess he just decided to keep quiet.

Oh! It looks like Kou is remembering something now that he’s been reminded. 

oh my god…...look at them…….babies ;;; they look so young ;;;;;; what happen??? why did they stop talking?? just because they were in different classes?

Oh, that’s…….that’s heartbreaking. To desperately reach out, again and again, and to come out empty handed every time. And I feel like it’s such a common fear too, the possibility of being forgotten by everyone you care about. That would be such a hit to your own self-worth. Oh, sweetheart….This poor baby needs so many hugs.

[the-caffeinated-utopian]

of sombre sunsets

everyone is capable of empathy. 

let me rephrase that - everyone who is not suffering from clinical or sub-clinical conditions affecting their mind are capable of empathy. many people on the extremes of antisocial personality spectrum may be hindered by their condition from feeling a connection with their fellow humans.in this article, i shall talk about those of us whose ability to feel and connect are not modified by any deviation from the mainstream.

thus my realisation - everyone is capable of empathy, except a few. 

this thought came to me when i was remembering certain memories of my childhood. on twitter, an artist (who also happens to be a single mother presently) posted a picture of her toddler offering a flower on the grave of their beloved pet. the tweet read, "his first death'. 

i am in a profession where i see death, loss and suffering regularly, so my feelings about them are numbed. however, i got curious and tried to remember the times before these questionable changes happened to my psyche. do i remember my first brush with death? do i remember my feelings then? 

death, in general, is never discussed in my household. my parents are an interesting mix in this regard - my father is morbidly anxious about mortality, not only his own but in general; my mother tends to romanticise the concept of death and dying and yet, when it comes to the possibility of her losing a loved one, she doesn't react well. since i grew up mostly with my mother, i would often hear lines such as "death is nothing but a doorway to a new life' and horrified shrieks if i ventured into the water even with a life vest tightly fastened around my trunk.

  my first brush with death was at the age of three. i was in nursery school. at the time, my father was posted at his office in a city four hundred and forty four kilometres away from the city i was born and spent the first couple of years of my life in. my mother had moved away from her family to be with him and had taken me along with her. the city was important to me. i started school for the first time in my life at a place where my parents and i were living like a three-man crew on a raft, trying to navigate the currents of life. admittedly, i had very little role to play in the "navigation'. i was only a member who saw much but understood very little.

i still remember the day. daylight was dissolving into the evening. the sun had molten over the western horizon and all i remember is the vast pinkness that stretched all around my tiny self. it was nothing out of the ordinary. my mother loved watching sunsets and it was our daily ritual to watch the sun go down. my mother would hum a tune or be silent. the moment would have its impact on me as well, for i would also stop my chatter for a short while until all the beautiful colours disappeared from the sky. it seemed like a long time then but i know now, sunsets are transient. 

my father is not a part of these memories because he never returned home from work until late evening. i always knew that he was at work but while watching the nature create magic in front of my eyes, i never asked if he had the luxury to take a break for a few minutes and stare at the sky through the window at his office. my limited childish thoughts failed to grasp the true enormity of a magnificent natural phenomenon. now that i am older i know, even if my father did have the opportunity, he would have never been interested.

i remember the day i had my first brush with death. my mother and i were sitting on the terrace. the sun was a red orb in front of us. the air was still warm. the gentle breeze of the evening had not started blowing yet but we knew from our experience that it was just a matter of time. little did we know that we would miss the rest of our ritual that day. 

there was a sudden knock on the door, startling my mother out of her trance. she opened the gate to find my father standing there with an ashen face. my mother asked him what was wrong. he did not reply immediately. he silently entered the house, sat down on a chair and kept staring at her. as an adult now, i can only imagine the apprehension my mother must have felt in those moments. i still remember it as if it is a video recorded inside my head that i replay every now and then.

"tell me,' my mother insisted. 

"you will cry,' my father replied. 

i have never asked what my mother was thinking at the moment. it is rude to keep reminding people of the times when they received the worst news of their lives.

"tell me,' she reiterated.

"your father has passed away,' my father replied in a no nonsense tone. that's my father. he has never been the one who would give someone the time to gather strength or courage to face the impending devastation. he believes in ripping off the band-aid in one go.

i remember my mother silently sinking to the floor. i did not really understand what was being said. being the talkative child that i was, i kept asking both of them about what had happened. no one answered. 

for a long time i did not really understand what had happened. even with my limited emotional capabilities as a three year old, i was very fond of my grandfather. he had always loved me but more importantly, he respected me as an individual, irrespective of the size or age of the said individual. he often indulged me. he never made me feel small or helpless, a feeling that i was familiar with when it came to interacting with my parents and the rest of my family members.

i did not mourn my grandfather then because i did not understand that death is a permanent goodbye. i mourn him a little everyday now. i am certain that he had his fair share of flaws. no one is a saint. however, in the brief three years of my existence, no one had an impact on me as deep as my grandfather. i have faint memories of him, strengthened by the accounts of my grandmother who often witnessed us bonding. i shall always be grateful for the sweet memories that i have.

i started this article with the mention of "empathy'. if you have read so far, you might ask what i am getting at as i seem to have taken quite a lengthy emotional detour. pardon me for that. i wanted to share some of my memories with you.

even though my father broke the news to my mother quite abruptly, i had witnessed empathy in that moment in strange ways. "you will cry,' he had said quietly.this is the same man who has a violent temper, who gets verbally and physically abusive when he is angry or drunk. this is the man whose ego is fragile and the people around him (namely, my mother and i) have to often walk on eggshells not to set him off. he is a man in pain, he always has been. in a twisted pathological cycle, he inflicts the pain he feels on those surrounding him. he is a man belonging to the toxic environment that asks him not to seek help. accepting any help given to him threatens his warped sense of masculinity because the society has taught him so. 

throughout my childhood i have viewed my father as a thoughtless person capable of destroying all good things with his anger. but whenever i look back on this particular memory, my father's quiet voice resonates in my ears, "you will cry.' it gives me hope. while we should certainly take care not to be harmed by people who are abusive or emotionally disturbed, we should not forget that perhaps even inside the depths of the harshest of people might lie a spring well of understanding. 

is it worth staying in an abusive relationship in the hope that once in a blue moon, we might get a glimpse of that ever elusive empathy? 

no. 

my intention is not to encourage dysfunctional relationships but to restore some faith and hope in the nature of humanity.

my mother missed her father's funeral but we reached in time for his last rites. i remember her seeing his shoes on the rack when entering her parents' house and breaking down in tears. 

i am still unsure about how i processed my first brush with death of a loved one or how i eventually grasped the concept of death. all i know is that even in my thirties, sometimes during a day's sombre end, i still miss the warmth of my grandfather's hugs.

my mother has never watched a sunset with me ever again.

[ticklybtswriter]

what you deserve

summary: you had been teasing your lers too much for their liking. one particular tactic to get the tickles you craved, though, proved to be a bit too effective.

request: Finally thought of a request: could you write a scenario where you've been teasing the boys a lot, like exposing your spots in front of them or mentioning how sensitive you are, until they get frustrated and gang up on you? Love your writing btw :)

warnings: nsfw-ish themes (not soft tickles at all skdfmlksdfm), bondage, being nearly naked but not entirely, kind of submissive/dominant if you look close, excessive use of princess because this is me we’re talking about there

author’s note: brought the brat out for this one, guys... i hate saying that because it means i’ve admitted defeat... but anyway, i’m really excited for this fic!! i’m always a fan of punishment tickles akmflskmdf ahhh

Let’s get one thing straight: you knew what you had done. You were well aware of the fact that you had been teasing them, probably past the point of no return. 

You had taken deliberate moves just so you could get them all in ler moods. You would show off your sides and stomach when on the couch, masking your teasing through a faked yawn and stretch. You’d also told them how sensitive your muscles were whenever you woke up, knowing that they were already aware of your nerves’ heightened state.

It seemed, though, that they had taken a page out of Taehyhung’s book. Whenever you were being bratty, he would stubbornly hold out on giving you tickles until you became a good little girl again. But for some reason, you wanted to push limits you never even neared before.

You were home alone, still deprived of your tickles. You were plotting new ways to get what you wanted, but you were drawing blanks. Well, you were until you were scrolling through a tickle blog on Tumblr and saw a picture of a girl showing off her bare tummy with a teasy caption beneath. 

The smirk on your face could’ve rivaled Namjoon’s had anyone seen it.

You took a few hundred photos of every sensitive spot. From your neck to your stomach to your socked feet. You were a bit hesitant to send them at first, but then you remembered that they were being the stubborn ones. After that, you had all the confidence needed to press that “send” button before a series of pictures were forwarded to your group chat with them.

They were in dance rehearsal so you didn’t expect to get a reply as quickly as you did. It was only from one person, Jin, someone who was pretty well-tempered when it came to your antics. However, the message conveyed anything but the typically serene Jin you knew.

It merely said: Oh you’re in for it tonight kitten.

You were buzzing with anticipation; giddy or fearful, you couldn’t quite tell yet. The text from Jin kept you on edge, especially since that was the only one you had gotten and it had seemed so definite. You questioned whether you’d taken it too far, but then you realized it meant you were getting what you wanted.

Thinking too far into the outcome of this wasn’t going to last long. You heard the jingling of keys from the front door. What put you off was how silent the men behind said door were. Usually, they’d be laughing or groaning about how exhausted they were, yet you didn’t hear anything.

The door swung open. The first person you saw was Hoseok, his eyes instantly connecting with yours. It was almost eerie how quickly he captured you with his hypnotic, dominant stance.

“Hello, princess!” He announced gleefully. “Did you enjoy your day?”

It was a trick question, you were sure of it. You weren’t sure what the trick was, but Hoseok was too cheerful to actually be that, even for Hoseok.

You didn’t get to answer before Jimin was standing beside him. He held up a photo of your thighs next to his head. “Oh, I’m sure she did, hyung. Didn’t you, princess? Putting your lers in the mood while they were working must’ve been so much fun for you, huh?”

Now you saw the trick to the question. “U-Um, well, you see-”

“What I see is a little brat who needs to be dealt with,” Jungkook made his way towards you. He picked you up by your legs, making sure to steady you over his shoulder. “And we’re not going to waste any time in doing that.”

Next to feeling totally helpless in Jungkook’s grasp, the worst part about your ascent up the stairs to your room was seeing the other six men smirking at you as they leisurely strolled after you and Jungkook. It was more flustering seeing them so calm then seeing them angry like you envisioned.

“U-Um, I’m sorry?” You whimpered to Namjoon who had been closest to you.

“Aww, it’s too late for apologies, baby girl,” You simply told you. “You made your lers unfocused during rehearsal today. For that, you need to be punished.”

Your face went bright red. The promise of your demise hung in the air, and everyone around you chuckled darkly at the wide-eyed stare you gave them when you finally realized how totally screwed you were.

You’d only ever been punished by them once, and truthfully, you couldn’t feel your diaphragm for a week. You had stayed curled in a ball for hours until Jimin and Taehyung had to coax you out of bed. It was so wonderful, yet so horrid at the same time with terribleness outweighing what was so pleasing about it.

Jungkook deposited you onto the bed. He was careful as to not hurt you but also put you down in a way that let you know he was in control.

“Arms up, baby,” He commanded. When you kept your hands firmly to your chest, he sighed. “Do you really want to play that game, darling? You know how impatient my hyungs can get, and we wouldn’t want to keep them waiting. After all, the longer they have to wait to get their hands on you, the meaner they’re going to be.”

A part of you wanted to resist, just to keep up that tough facade, but even you weren’t bratty enough to go against seven angry lets. You put your wrists together and above your head like he had instructed.

“There’s our good girl~” Taehyung cooed.

With all seven of them working together, they were able to get you out of most of your clothes save your undergarments and have your arms tied nice and tight above your head.

“Look at you all pretty and tied up~” Jin purred next to your ear.

“Where should we start?” Yoongi asked the room as he cracked his knuckles, something he knew drove you up a walk.

“I say...” Jimin started ever so softly trailing his fingers across your bare stomach. “We take this nice and slow.”

Another thing that drove you insane: when they all decided to warm you up with tickles by doing this. They were the tickles that were just barely there, the ones that weren’t enough to even get a giggle out of you. The point of this was to make you squirm, and you squirming was euphoric to them.

“P-Please, don’t t-t-tease me!”

“What’s that?” Hoseok asked mockingly. “Are you actually telling us not to tease you? After everything you’ve put us through these past few days?”

“The audacity!” Jin scoffed. He emphasized his point with a quick scribble to your side.

It came as a shock from the light tracing, forcing a squeak from your lips. “AH!”

“Making cute noises already, baby girl?” Namjoon question teasingly.

You shook your head, even though you knew it was futile. Whenever they heard a squeak or a rogue giggle that was cuter than the others, it was an incentive for them to thoroughly wreck you. You were aware of their new desire when Namjoon brought this up and they knew that you knew as well.

“Ready?” Yoongi asked you.

“No!”

“Good~”

That was when the merciless torture officially began.

It was evil, beyond that. Your nerve endings were alight with ticklish sensations as all seven of them began scratching away at your sensitive skin. Not a single pair of hands relented or slowed or even showed any sign of hesitation. Even the softest of lers had taken to make sure you were wrecked with rough tickles.

“Nohoho! I’m sohohorry!” You whined.

“Are you though?” Jungkook debated with you. He hit a very sensitive part on your hips, loving the reaction you were providing him. “Because by the smile on your face, I’d say you’re pretty proud of yourself!”

“No! Nohoho, I’m nohohot!”

Someone started leaving butterfly kisses across your neck. You squealed at the soft sensations.

“Ahhh, Jin-hyung, I think she likes that~” Yoongi drew the phrase out.

“How could she not? After all, she’s always talking about how soft my beautiful lips are!” He exclaimed before returning back to his torture against your neck.

You wanted to focus on shooing him from your neck with your chin, but you had to throw your head back in laughter when you felt Jimin and Taehyung really start to scratch away at the roles of your feet. God, Jimin even went straight for the kill with your toes on one foot while he directed Taehyung to the worst spots on your other.

“Nohoho fahahair! Plehehehease!”

“Princess, I think it’s time you stop with all this complaining and just laugh for us,” Hoseok commanded of you. “Anything that isn’t a cute little laugh? Well, you remember, don’t you?”

How could you forget? Last punishment you accidentally cried out “no!” and somehow there was a toothbrush vibrating in your belly button. The seven of them didn’t bring out tools often, but you were fearful of their unpredictability... or maybe you were also extremely in love with it. Either way, it gave you shivers just thinking about it.

You nodded and just continued laughing. That was all you could do.

Your back arched when Namjoon and Yoongi tasered your sides in perfect synchronization. They gave one another a proud grin while you bucked between them. Those assholes... those freaking amazing and ruthless assholes...

You couldn’t even process the onslaught of tickles from those two for too long before Jungkook was back with his terrible hip tickles. All the while Taehyung and Jimin were still tickling your feet with such vigor. Hoseok was tracing patterns into one underarm while Jin got with other, making sure to add his tickly neck kisses into the mix.

You were in pure bliss but experiencing pure torture all at the same time. Your laughter began to go silent. Tears were running down your face before you knew what was hitting you.

“Such pretty tears, princess~” Yoongi cooed. He leaned over and kissed your cheek, showing some affection in this time of ruthlessness.

“Noho- I- ple-hehe- You were struggling to get the words out. Thankfully there was some shred of compassion left in Namjoon.

“Here, let’s give her a break real quick,” Namjoon told the others.

They retracted their fingers from your shaking body after some time. You greedily gulped in as much air as your lungs would allow while some of the guys rubbed your skin comfortingly. Tae and Jimin cuddled up to your sides, rubbing your sides soothingly.

“Having fun?” Tae asked.

“Mehehean!” You simply told them.

“Sorry, princess,” Jimin gave you a joke-pout as he pushed your hair back. “But you deserve it after everything you did today.”

“Yeheheah, I’m sohorry about that...” You apologized genuinely when you came down from your tickle high.

Jin ruffled your hair. “It’s alright, baby. But you can’t do that kind of stuff while we’re working. Your adorable tickle spots are pretty distracting, you know. Makes us want to be mean to you, which you don’t want. Well, that’s what you say.”

“We’re about to get a lot meaner anyway,” Yoongi informed you as he got closer to your body. You could see the assortment of feathers he was twirling between his fingers as he approached. “Regardless of what you say.”

“W-Wait!” You stammered. “I-I-I thought i-it was done!”

“Oh, you thought that we were finished with you?” Namjoon asked with a quirked brow. “Baby girl, this is a punishment! Did you think you could get away with only a few minutes of tickling? And besides, I do beleive Hobi told you that you weren’t allowed to do anything other than laugh.”

“Sit tight,” Hoseok patted your stomach. “The night is still young, kitten~”

author’s note: i’m kind of tipsy but i finished this so i’m content!!

[emmvxnce]

i didn’t know i was a p h o e n i x                                TILL I LEARNED HOW TO S P E A K

𝖖 𝖚 𝖔 𝖙 𝖊 𝖘

"Without losing a piece of me, how do i get to heaven?  Without changing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven?  So if I’m losing a piece of me, maybe I don’t want heaven.” — Troye Sivan, Heaven

“She had a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach, like when you’re swimming and you want to put your feet down on something solid, but the water’s deeper than you think and there’s nothing there.” — Julia Gregson

“The worst thing in the world next to anarchy, is government.” — Henry Ward Beecher

“I’ve left my fingerprints somewhere. And that’s good enough.  And I am my own person. And that’s good enough.  And… I stand my ground. And that’s good enough.” — Morrissey

𝖇 𝖆 𝖘 𝖎 𝖈

NAME: Emmeline Glenys Vance NICKNAMES: Emme, Em, Vance AGE: Twenty Two BIRTHDAY: 10 September 1957 GENDER: Cis Female PRONOUNS: She/Her SEXUALITY: Homosexual ETHNICITY: English, Welsh, Chinese

𝖋 𝖆 𝖒 𝖎 𝖑 𝖞

MOTHER: Jìngyi ‘Jenny’ Vance, née Ling (44) FATHER: Raymond Thomas Vance (46) SIBLINGS: Charles Vance (23), Margaret Vance (20)

𝖕 𝖍 𝖞 𝖘 𝖎 𝖈 𝖆 𝖑 𝖆𝖙𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖇𝖚𝖙𝖊𝖘

FACE CLAIM: Chloe Bennet BUILD: Naturally slim, of average height.  Several years of training have lent an athletic edge to her body.  Solid bone structure, thin but not waiflike. HAIR: Shoulder length, thick, and wavy. Typically pulled back off her face in some way or other.  Often twisted up with her wand which backfires when she is forced to pull her wand and her hair comes falling around her face.   HAIR COLOR: Dark brown. EYE COLOR: Typically brown, nearly black when she’s upset or angry but lighter when the sun is bright or her mood is up. SKIN COLOR: Beige with warm undertones. DOMINANT HAND: Right. ANOMALIES: Broken nails from years spent biting or picking at them.  A scar on her hairline on the right side of her forehead from where she fell when she was eight and cracked her head on the coffee table in the living room.  Various minor scars from several years with the Order.   SCENT: Honey and lilac from her shampoo, a touch of something floral if she’s decided to put on perfume which is rare and reserved for the most special of occasions.   ACCENT: RP but with traces of welsh from years listening and speaking with her dad who is from Cardiff.   ALLERGIES:  Pollen and blueberries. DISORDERS: Mild anxiety triggered in the last several years by the worsening war FASHION: Leans to muggle fashion, typical late 70′s clothing.  Bell bottoms, high waisted jeans, crop tops, the occasional leather jacket, over sized men’s shirts paired with leggings.  She prefers pants to skirts as often as possible.   NERVOUS TICS:  Biting and picking at her nails, toying with any jewelry she may be wearing, usually a necklace, twirling hair at the base of her neck or from her ponytail.  In general her hands are usually fidgeting in someway, she has a hard time keeping them still. QUIRKS:  She doesn’t like silence and sometimes will hum to herself if there is no other sound just to fill the empty air, she almost always sits with her legs pulled up either under or in front of her.

𝖑 𝖎 𝖋 𝖊 𝖘 𝖙 𝖞 𝖑 𝖊

RESIDES: Plainview Point BORN: Cardiff, where her parents lived in the earliest years of their marriage before moving to a village just outside London.   RAISED: Shere, a village in Surrey, about an hour southwest of London.   PETS: Persimmon aka Persy, a ginger cat she met in an alley near St. Mungo’s who took a liking to her after she shared her turkey sandwich one day and followed her home.  

CAREER: Healer, specializing in spell inflicted damage and working on the fourth floor of St. Mungo’s. EXPERIENCE:  Member of the Potions club in her fifth through seventh years at Hogwarts.  OWLS and NEWTS in Charms, Potions, Herbology, and Defense Against the Dark Arts.  Entered the Healer training program upon graduation from Hogwarts, rotating through each floor and specialization at St. Mungo’s before choosing to specialize in spell-inflicted damage.   EMPLOYER: St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries

POLITICAL AFFILIATION: Order of the Phoenix BELIEFS: Equality, in all shapes and forms.  Being a muggleborn, a woman, the daughter of an immigrant, and a lesbian have given her a unique viewpoint into so many of the ways that society is stacked against certain people.  She does not have a strong religious or spirtual practice or belief but adds it to the list of things she believes people should be allowed to choose and practice without judgment or intercession. MISDEMEANORS: Breaking curfew, pilfering from the potion supply closet in school and a little bit from the hospital when it’s not something she can get at the apothecary FELONIES: None on the record, only in service of the Order DRUGS: Marijuana, both inhaled and ingested.  Girlfriend makes a hell of a pot brownie. SMOKES: Marijuana, yes.  Cigarettes, no. ALCOHOL: Beer mostly, the occasional whiskey when someone else is in charge of choosing it.  Never wine or cocktails.  Too sweet for her taste. DIET:  Mostly simple meals, usually with a bit of a Chinese foundation.  Rice as a staple, a lot of stir fry because it’s simply and quick and can be made in large quantities to last her for many days or to feed a multitude of people.  

LANGUAGES: English, Welsh, Mandarin

PHOBIAS: Fire, losing those she loves and being left alone.   HOBBIES:  Brewing potions, listening and collecting muggle music TRAITS: { + }: compassionate, self-assured, determined, hard working, pragmatic { - }: blunt, ineloquent, inflexible, stubborn, temperamental

𝖋 𝖆 𝖛 𝖔 𝖗 𝖎 𝖙 𝖊 𝖘

LOCATION: Her flat.  She’s turned it into a haven with couches you can sink into, nooks where she can curl up, candles and warm smells, even a fireplace she and Persy like to lie in front of until they fall asleep on the poufs she has as extra seating.   SPORTS TEAM: Chelsea Football Club, Holyhead Harpies (football first and then quidditch) GAME: Rummy, card games in general MUSIC: Muggle rock and punk - Queen, David Bowie, Blondie, The Clash MOVIES: Star Wars, The Godfather (just the first one), Superman, The Exorcist FOOD:  Chinese food but actual Chinese food like her mother makes, not what you can get in the shops.  Not that that’s bad - it’s just not her favorite.   BEVERAGE: Chocolate Milk.  Yes she knows she is a child.   COLOR: Deep gold.  

𝖒 𝖆 𝖌 𝖎 𝖈

ALUMNI HOUSE: Hufflepuff WAND (length, flexibility, wood, & core):  9 ¼ inches, ash, phoenix feather core, slightly springy.  The saying goes that ash wands are stubborn but it isn’t the arrogant or crass type of stubborn that attracts this wood.  It is drawn to a person whose beliefs are held strongly in their mind and deeply in their heart.  Combined with a core of phoenix feather and it’s slightly springy nature, Emmeline’s wand is particularly loyal and becomes finnicky in the hands of anyone other than it’s owner. AMORTENTIA:  Fresh baked pastries, cinnamon, twilight air in the summer PATRONUS:  Brown Bear - social creatures who find strength in sharing resources and who are known for their protective instincts.  Bears are also closely associated with healing in some cultures.   BOGGART:  Darkness.  The kind of darkness that envelops your senses.  Instead of becoming stronger, it dulls each sense so you cannot see but you also cannot hear or feel or smell.  You are isolated, alone, helpless.  Seconds become eternities as you seek any anchor to hold on to to pull yourself back to the world.  

𝖈 𝖍 𝖆 𝖗 𝖆 𝖈 𝖙 𝖊 𝖗

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Neutral Good MBTI: ENFJ-A (Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging, Assertive) MBTI ROLE: The Protaganist ENNEAGRAM: Type 2 ENNEAGRAM ROLE: The Helper TEMPERAMENT: Sanguine WESTERN ZODIAC: Virgo

Virgos are always paying attention to the smallest details and their deep sense of humanity makes them one of the most careful signs of the zodiac. This will lead to a strong character, but one that prefers conservative, well-organized things and a lot of practicality in their everyday life. These individuals have an organized life, and even when they let go to chaos, their goals and dreams still have strictly defined borders in their mind. Their need to serve others makes them feel good as caregivers, on a clear mission to help.

CHINESE ZODIAC: Rooster

Roosters are smart, charming, witty, honest, blunt, capable, talented, brave, and self-reliant. They are known for their ability to do astounding things with extremely limited resources. Their way is always right (in their mind, at least), and they love to debate their stance. Roosters are extremely sociable and bask in attention and praise.

PRIMAL SIGN: Corgi

Loyal, observant, and analytical, those born under the Primal Zodiac sign of the Corgi are devoted friends and family members who take on the role of caretaker with great passion. Few others are as eager to jump in and help a friend in need, and Corgis take great pride in this. More so than other signs, members of this sign like to fill a very specific role in the lives of other people, thus getting the majority of their own personal fulfillment through their service to others.

TAROT CARD: Justice

The Justice Tarot card has to do with moral sensitivity and that which gives rise to empathy, compassion, and a sense of fairness. Since the time of Solomon, this image has represented a standard for the humane and fair-minded treatment of other beings.  This card reminds us to be careful to attend to important details. It's a mistake to overlook or minimize anything where this card is concerned.

SONGS: coming soon, i suck at this

IDEOLOGIES: Doesn’t believe in wallowing or living in the past.  Mistakes get made and bad things happen and the only way to get past it all is to pick yourself up and keep on walking.

Tea over coffee.  Fight her about it.  Get yourself some black tea if you need the caffeine.  

There is exactly nothing that can’t be made better by a dance party around the flat with the music so loud that you can’t hear your own thoughts anymore.  

There is no excuse for inequality.  People are people and the only way to get through this life is to care about the people inhabiting the world around you.  Most common thought - “I don’t know how to explain to you that you should care about other people.”

[daresplaining]

How can you describe Murdocks's personality?

Matt: “I’m an endless contradiction that’d never stand up to cross-examination, Foggy. Always thought that was part of my charm.”

Daredevil vol. 1 #353 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele

    Matt’s personality is varied and complex, thanks to one of my favorite aspects of Big Two superhero comics: the fact that Daredevil has been around for 55 years and has been written by dozens of different people. The downside of this situation is the myriad continuity issues that plague these comics, but the upside is that it results in rich characters who have been explored from every possible angle, and Matt is (in my unbiased opinion) one of the best examples. The tone of the story being told tends to impact the way he behaves, and different writers have emphasized different sides of his personality based on their own interpretations of his character, but there is a lot that has remained consistent over the years.

    Since his introduction, Matt has been characterized by fearless heroism; his origin story involves him leaping in front of an out-of-control truck to save a stranger’s life. He is called “the Man Without Fear” (and, heck, Daredevil) for a reason. He has a strong moral code and sense of justice that keeps him fighting for people in need. His childhood spent in a crime-ridden neighborhood, and his father’s murder while he was in college, both taught him hard lessons about how cruel and unforgiving the world can be. He knows how important law and justice are, and knows how often they fail, and so he is compelled to help people, both as a superhero and as a lawyer. He is extremely brave, and doesn’t hesitate to go to great lengths to achieve his goals. This is true in every aspect of his life– in his legal career as much as his superhero one.

“Stay calm.”

“The voice isn’t soothing. It’s stern-wry-stormy. A reckless say-your-prayers sign-your-will-before-crossing-it kind of voice. The attorney with the vocal attitude is Matthew Murdock. Known in legal circles to be something of a daredevil.”

Daredevil vol. 1 #380 by D.G. Chichester, Lee Weeks, and Christie Scheele

    This ties into Matt’s adrenaline junkie tendencies. He isn’t just willing to take risks– he enjoys them! He’s an active, energetic guy, and both his blindness (and the ableism/societal expectations that came with it) and his father’s role in limiting his athletic activities as a kid further exacerbated his need for action. I can’t allow myself to get through a post like this without getting up on my usual soapbox and saying: regardless of what else may be going on in his life, on a fundamental level, Matt loves being Daredevil. Swinging through the city, fighting bad guys, and making a name for himself as a superhero fulfills his need for action, thrills, and empowerment, and has actually proven to be a key aspect of his mental health. Whenever Matt is bored, restless, stressed, upset, or doesn’t know what else to do, he will fling himself out the nearest window. 

Matt: “Look! I’m not getting anywhere sitting around here… which means– it’s travelin’ time… for this bored little Man Without Fear! It’s true… it really is; out here, with the wind rushing past me, I come alive! For a short while, I have no problems, no worries– nothing but total freedom!”

Daredevil vol. 1 #125 by Marv Wolfman, Bob Brown and Klaus Janson

Foggy: “What are you doing?”

Matt: “I’m going out.”

Foggy: “Out there? To face them?”

Matt: “No. Out there. To do something worthwhile for someone.”

Foggy: “You’re a stubborn @?!*! You know that? You’re a stubborn @!?*!!”

Daredevil vol. 2 #34 by Brian Michael Bendis, Alex Maleev, and Matt Hollingsworth

    At times, Matt has questioned whether this thrill, rather than the superheroics, is the real reason he is Daredevil, and it’s part of why I’m convinced he would have become a superhero even if Jack hadn’t been murdered.

    Matt is extremely strong-willed and resilient. You can’t beat him down; even when he gets stomped into the dirt, he will not stop fighting. This has also been true since basically the beginning of the comic. One of his earliest character-defining issues is Daredevil volume 1 #7, in which Matt singlehandedly battles Namor the Sub-Mariner, and refuses to give up even when it’s clear that he has no hope of winning

Caption: “But, once again, the power of the Sub-Mariner is greater than any could suppose, and it is he who recovers first– while the Man Without Fear […] lies weak, and dazed, and helpless…! Yet, how can one measure the limitless courage of a fellow human? Although on the brink of unconsciousness– although racked with pain and fatigue– still the sightless crusader reaches out–!”

Matt: “Come back! You– you mustn’t fight the others–! They’re innocent– mustn’t be harmed– mustn’t–!”

Namor: “I have fought the Fantastic Four, the Avengers, and other super-powered humans, but none has been more courageous than he, the most vulnerable of all!”

Daredevil vol. 1 #7 by Stan Lee and Wally Wood

    Matt’s life has been difficult to the point of becoming a running joke within Marvel comics. He has suffered a lot. But a key element of this suffering is showing how he survives it. For instance: many people point to the “Born Again” arc as an example of a depressing Daredevil story, but I don’t see it that way because it’s ultimately a celebration of Matt’s strength of spirit. There are two ways of being the Man Without Fear: there’s the swashbuckley Daredevilling, and there’s having the courage to keep fighting when all seems lost.

    Matt’s superhuman willpower also has a negative side. He is stubborn and hardheaded to a frustrating degree. He has a big, sometimes overpowering personality, values his perspective above all others, and will frequently trample over/disregard the opinions of other people for the sake of doing what he thinks is right. This wholehearted confidence in his own judgment is vital for his hero work, but not so great for his personal relationships. It’s one reason why he mostly operates on his own as a superhero (it caused him to butt heads with Natasha Romanov while they were partners), and why he can also be a huge pain to work with as a lawyer. This is exacerbated by his secret-keeping– something he has done since he was young, long before he became a superhero or even had powers. One of the first things we learn about young Matt in DD #1 is that he snuck to the gym to train without Jack’s knowledge, hiding a key side of himself from his father, and he has maintained layers of secrecy– including crafting an array of aliases/alter egos– ever since.   

Matt: “Even when I was first blinded, I never told anyone about my radar or my hypersenses. Not even my dad. I enjoyed having a big secret. When people make you feel like you’re weak and helpless, it’s empowering to know something they don’t. And, boy, did I need empowering. […] But here’s the truth: learned behaviors die hard. They become a comfort zone. So even though I grew older, and stronger, I somehow never let go of that need for the power of secrecy. And along the way, it went from survival skill to habit to… to…”

Foggy: “Emotional addiction. I can see that. You do love coming to the table with an ace up your sleeve. No wonder you took to law.”

Daredevil vol. 3 #22 by Mark Waid, Chris Samnee, and Javier Rodriguez

    He puts up facades and keeps information to himself almost by instinct at this point. When things get bad, he shuts people out and turns inward. And he often displays what I’d call selfish selflessness– doing things he thinks are right while ignoring the fact that they may actually have harmful consequences. A major example of this is faking his death to keep his loved ones safe– something Matt has done on multiple occasions.

    He is also an extremely emotional person. Matt feels things intensely, in more ways than one. He has clinical depression (which was established by Mark Waid in Volume 4), and he has been through a series of horrific mental breakdowns over the course of his career. Matt at his lowest points is erratic and often frightening. He becomes dangerously impulsive, sometimes emotionally abuses those around him, and is extra angry and violent as Daredevil. 

Matt: “I don’t enjoy torture. But tonight I don’t care. In between the screams, I beat him. Like he was a heavy bag. And it feels good. I should feel sick. I should, but I don’t. I just feel more angry… ready for a new target.”

Daredevil vol. 2 #104 by Ed Brubaker, Michael Lark, Matt Hollingsworth, et al.

    He has suffered immense loss over the course of his career-- mostly in the form of his array of dead girlfriends-- for which he blames himself (and to be honest, he does deserve at least some of that blame). He doesn’t always learn from the mistakes that leave his loved ones dead, but he still feels that grief very deeply.

    On the upside, he’s also extremely passionate. He will do anything for the causes/people he cares about (even if he doesn’t always show it), falls in love fast, hard, and all-consumingly, and in general needs to have friends around him to keep him sane and happy. He is very smart but often lacking in common sense. He’s a charming flirt, a charismatic public speaker, a snarky punk to those who know him well, and he has a hilarious dry sense of humor that is 50% self-deprecation and 50% blind jokes. 

Foggy: “Did you see this, Matt?”

Matt: “Foggy, how long have you known me?”

Foggy: “You know what I mean!”

Daredevil vol. 2 #76 by Brian Michael Bendis, Alex Maleev, and Dave Stewart

    In short, he’s a hugely complex person in a way that I adore, flaws and all. I’m going to end with this quote from Foggy (well, Mark Waid), since it’s a personal favorite:     

Foggy: “[Matt] will confound you. He will frustrate you. He will make your choices FOR you, he will manipulate you without CONSULTING you, and you will want to PUNCH him in his self-assured face at least ONCE AN HOUR. […] But he will care about you in a way that no one else ever could.”

Daredevil vol. 4 #5 by Mark Waid, Chris Samnee, and Javier Rodriguez