#Been working on more job applications and was getting nostalgic I guess

[inga-don-studio]

Being called ‘a beast’ for doing some feat of strength is still one of the most validating experiences of my life.

To the beloved twink at my factory job who was so easily impressed by my ability to throw around 40+ lb. boxes all day - wherever you are, thank you from the deepest queerest reaches of my heart.

[suckitsurveys]

What are three names you like that start with the same letter as your fist name? Henry, Hattie, Harriet.

How old will you turn on your next birthday? 34.

What are three things you like about your birth month (besides it being the month your birthday is in)? Pumpkin things start appearing, the leaves start changing, it’s also Mark’s birthday month.

…and what are three things you dislike about it? It’s still hot af most days but all the water parks/pools/beaches are closed, work starts piling up because the students are back, and it’s the end of summer, which gives me such a weird, melancholy, nostalgic feeling.

List three celebrities that are the same height as you. Amy Poehler, Nikki Minaj, Salma Hayek (who also shares my birthday lol).

Are you happy with your height, or do you wish you were shorter or taller? Why? I’m fine with being 5′2″.

Which family member did you inherit your hair color from? My mom was blonde as a kid and her hair turned brown and my sister and my hair did too, so I guess her.

List three things in nature that are the same color as your eyes. 👀 Pine trees, grass, moss.

Are you happy with your current weight, or do you wish you weighed more or less? I am not.

If applicable, how many pounds do you want to lose? Ideally I’d be good under 250lbs.

How many years has it been since you were last a student enrolled in school? 🏫 It’s been a while.

What was your favorite class in high school? Social sciences.

How many sisters do you have? One.

How many brothers do you have? Zero.

If you had a twin sister, what would she be named? I don’t know, maybe Matilda or Rosalita, like my almost names were? Or maybe I’d have a completely different name? How many dogs have you had in your lifetime? 🐶 Just one.

How many cats have you had in your lifetime? 🐈 Seven.

Do you prefer dogs or cats? Cats.

Where was your dad born? In Chicago.

Where was your mom born? In Lexington, TN.

Where were you born? Chicago.

Have you ever met anyone unrelated to you that had the same last name as you? Yes, once. My last name is very uncommon, especially in the states, so that was a trip.

How many sister-in-laws do you have? One.

How many brother-in-laws do you have? Two.

How many nieces do you have? Two.

How many nephews do you have? One, by marriage.

How many of your grandparents are still living? Zero.

Are you good at taking pictures? 📸 Sure.

What are three things you’ve been complimented on? My creativity, my hair, my humor..

What is your dream job? Event planner.

…and are you currently working in your dream job? I don’t get paid to do it but I do plan parties for my nieces lol.

Do you consider yourself spiritual? A little, sure.

Do you consider yourself religious? Not at all.

Do you have a positive or negative view of the word “religion”? Mostly negative, especially living in the states. Religion seems to dictate a lot of hate and I can’t get behind that. I know there are positives to religion, but my first instinct is to dismiss any and all religions.

Do you have a positive or negative view of the word “spiritual”? I have a more positive view of that word because to me, it means you can believe in a higher power without necessarily following a religion, which is something I can get behind. Who is the most spiritual person you know? My mom followed the belief I mentioned above pretty consistently.

When was the last time you stepped foot inside of a church? ⛪️ Oh buddy I can’t even tell you.

Do you regularly attend church? Why or why not? ⛪️ Nope. Because I do not follow a religion.

Have you ever been to a mosque? 🕌 I don’t think so.

Have you ever been to a synagogue? 🕍 I have, if I remember correctly.

What is your favorite religious holiday? I guess Christmas is technically a religious holiday.

If applicable, does your faith mean a lot to you? Not applicable.

Do you have the same worldview as your parents? for the most part.

Have you ever attended a Christian school? 🏫 I went to a Lutheran high school unfortunately.

How often do you pray? 🙏 Never.

Have you ever danced in church? 💃 Uhh maybe?

Have you ever been baptized, and if so, where and how were you baptized? 🌊 I was not baptized.

How many presidential elections have you voted in? 🗳️ 2008, 2012, 2016, 202, if I remember correctly. 2008 is a little hazy.

Are you happy with the current state of your nation? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

How many different medications do you normally take daily? 💊 I don’t take any.

Which medication(s) do you hate the most, and why? I never really hated any that I’ve had to take.

Is your current doctor a male or female? Male.

Do you prefer male or female doctors? Why? I don’t care for the most part.

How is your mental health? How has it been lately? LOL.

[btswishes]

Love me for who I am now

Bucky x Reader ( Chapter 1 )

Part1 / Next 

Summary: You apply for the Stark internship and end up getting it, so now you have 5 months to make a good impression to continue working with the Avengers.

A/N: This is my first Marvel fic and I am taking it as a challenge. It is opposite of what my account was made, but here I go. Sorry for any mistakes made, hope you enjoy it even a tiny bit.

Word count:  3,281

Warmings: fights, harsh language, not part of the original MCU 

Y/N- Your name Y/L/N:  Your Last Name

                                   --------------------------------------

  Through sleepless nights and dark circles, books and pens, through months of work you reached your goal. The moment you received the acceptance letter from Stark University you almost flew out the window without a fear in your mind. This was it!

  Time had passed since that moment, but it is still engraved in your mind- a memory keeping you strong during the hard midterms and piles of work, even the small glimmers of regret. Trying your best wasn’t an option, you could do only that and no less. It was no easy task, lost social life as much as you tried to keep it. You were really lucky you had good friends that understood and supported you. University wasn’t easy for anyone making this one even tougher. People of all ages, backgrounds and cultures were piled up with you in this building. The best of the best as the slogan said, the ones that proved themselves and emerged victorious.

  When you were young ,you used to spend a lot of time with your uncle at his places outside the country. He would introduce you to his work colleagues and things you had never seen before. There was a time where you would spend months on end with him. Not many memories were left from those moments in your head. At one point you spend a few years with him, your mother thought it would be good experience for you and it turned out to be nothing but the truth-at least you hoped so. You learned a lot from him and his friends, it felt like each spend day would offer you more knowledge in areas you never knew of. Computer work, ways of thinking and so much more that had become second nature to you.

  The sky was tinted in a wash of oranges, reds and yellows bleeding one into the other, swirling around the sun emitting them. The day was ending, but you found yourself filling up an application in the library, covered by the silence and smell of exam worry.

  Sponsored and founded by the one and only Tony Stark, this establishment offered an internship. Being part of the Avengers, Tony didn’t let just anyone from the students attending in, even if they were the best labeled by the school. It had been a year and a half since you started pushing yourself harder to be able to apply and there was nothing that could stop you. Pressing your finger over the enter button was very nerve wrecking yet simple. Even if it didn’t work out this year, you planned to do it again and again ,till he had no other choice but give you a chance.

  Usually F.R.I.D.A.Y. went over everything and left only the applications worth going over by Tony himself or Pepper. The next 5 weeks for you were very stressful, but there was nothing more you could do but wait and focus on your own work. The first person you wanted to tell about this was your uncle. He went to work in some distant place where they had no internet so you switched to mail. Not as much paper under his name passed through your hands, as he had stopped answering you. You missed him, but the muddy childhood memories kind of compensated for that.

“Did you send it in?” the phone muffled a bit the sweet voice coming from the speaker 

“Yeah, a few days ago actually.” You answered with a gentle sigh

“And no answer yet?” the girl’s pitch rose at the end of the sentence, amazed at that what she just heard

“I know, I know. Think about it though Nea. Who knows how many applications get submitted. Someone has to brush through them after all.” defending the situation was a form of coping for you, made you feel hopeful.

“So you are trying to tell me Tony Stark’s interface or whatever it’s called, can’t sort them out in a couple of hours? Come on Y/N! You and I both know you are trying to make yourself feel better.” The small pause made you anxious over what Nea said “Listen.” A breathy start of the sentence “ I don’t mean to brag, but I think I am one of the people who know exactly how much you deserve this. You were never the studious type, plus that you were gone for years on end with that mysterious uncle of yours. I never expected you to suddenly go for Stark University. Your dream changed you, from this quiet kid to crazy ol’ you right now on the call with me.I ain’t letting you bust yourself up over this just because it didn’t happen the first time around-”

                Ding ding

  Nea’s deep speech was cut off before she could unleash herself completely, by the slight ring of your phone’s notification.

“Who tf has the audacity to text while the great me is giving this legendary –“

                Ding!

  The second time the sound sung out made her choke up with anger, you could almost see the fumes coming out of the phone.

“WHO IS IT!” a loud hiss pierced your ear

“Maybe if you gave me a minute I could answer your question.” Pulling the call down, your finger ran over the screen to the email, making your notification lamp blink like a car. Almost instantly it opened before your eyes and you gasped. The action made you swallow suddenly and cough out a bit ,giving poor Nea an idea about the level of shock you were in.

“What?What? You can’t just almost die and not tell me what is going on.” She proceeded with a not so tasteful interrogation.

“I-…they accepted my application…” at the end a small smile flowed over your lips contorting the sound coming out

“Stop!?” she choked up as well “You gotta be fucking with me!? No fucking way this is real!”

“I am honest. It says here that they liked my skill set, my grades and the way of thinking I presented in my essay. I got the spot Nea! I fucking did it!” you threw the phone on the bed letting it bounce as you started dancing.

“Of course you did! I told you! You will be working with THE AVENGERSSSS!” at some point it sounded like your best friend was more excited than you “When do you start?”

“Well…” taking a second to calm down and re-establish contact with your phone, you looked up the schedule that came attached with the email “…ok…so it says here that I will be starting on Monday so~ in 2 days? “

“So soon! Any requirements for the job miss Avenger’s sidekick?” and the teasing begins

“A list, surprisingly.” Rolling onto your back, you held the screen away and above your face, scrolling past “ I guess my first job will be with Dr. Banner in the lab. Apparently I will be given some sort of assignments throughout the 5 months work span. I will be monitored by Dr. Bruce Banner and the grading, I guess if you can call It that ,will be done by Tony Stark himself.”

“Basically Hulk will be your babysitter.” once this girl starts teasing she never stops even in amazing situations such as this one, good thing you loved her “That sounds so cool though! You will be able to meet Captain America and Black Widow~! I am so jelly of you I swear! When you leave work make sure to wait for someone from the group to walk by, omgggg I am fangirling so much right now.What if you go to dinners with them!?AAAAA!”

“Fun thing about that.” Your eyes landed on the last paragraph of the email “It says here that I am supposed to move into the compound and stay there till further notice. The whole idea is that if I do things well I will get a permanent job. Weird…” you hummed

“Weird !? How? That is so cool! Who knows you might even become an Avenger! You will be living with them anyways.” at this point Nea was either not breathing or hyperventilating so fast you couldn’t hear it

“Don’t be ridiculous.” your attention landed once more on the thought process you had a moment ago “I don’t get one thing. They say here that my PE grades combined with my IT and overall studies make me a great candidate, but I don’t remember sports being a requirement at all, or even providing them in the first place. Does it mean that if my grades were low in that department I wouldn’t have gotten the spot?”

“I guess people of science aren’t that flexible. Who cares anyways! You got in, no ifs and buts. I am telling you, at this point you could be an Avenger.” poor girl began thinking of names and suit designs for you “ Hurry up and pack those bags before I drop by with take away, so we can gossip over Steve Rogers’s abs.”

“Um…don’t get me wrong he is super hot, I just see the Cap more like an older brother figure than anything.” It was true, you looked up to him since the first time you studied about the Civil War. Fearless, gave his life in a way for his people, astonishing man over all.

“Hey! Let me drool over him! You were always more of a Winter Soldier fan anyways.” Nea pouted audibly . Her words made some lone memory pop up in your head, but it was as murky as the rest. “I don’t know why I am interested in him. Somehow his look is very nostalgic and rugged. Anyways. ”you shook your head out of the mental image of the soldier “I will go pack up, tell my parents and fix up all my documents. Probably find some stuff from former Stark employees online. I want to have a bit of an idea of what he expects and what I am getting myself into.”

“Fine fine, you could have just said you like troubled guys. You were the one who was happy Loki got a second chance after all. I will be over in like 3 hours.” She informed you

“Hey! He deserved to redeem himself, he was used!” a firm Loki supporter as always “Ok then, see ya.”

   Hanging up the call you placed your phone to charge and rolled off your bed. The email gave vague information about what you needed, but clothing wise you would still be able to come home and get stuff if you had to. What was on top of your priorities were papers, documents, all your research materials and tech. Those things had to be organized no matter what ,since they got you this far in the first place.

  Nae came over as planned and you two had a nice sleepover talking about you know who. The night came and left, letting the morning find you in your bed at 11am. Your forearm rested on top of your forehead in a relaxed manner, letting enough space for an exhale to linger in the air in front of you. Your mind was going over everything that was about to happen to you. It was one of your dreams, you worked for it nonstop day in day out, so why were you so worried about meeting the rest of the Avengers? Maybe it was just anxiety or fear of the unknown, yeah made sense.

  All you did during the day was make lists for every piece of tech you were binging with yourself. Things seemed to be in order, but worry kept nibbling on your bones. The moment of truth finally rolled up and so did your suitcase in front of your house. Nea came to send you off as she promised.

“Sweetie, make sure to call us every day. Eat well, don’t overwork yourself and-“ your mom went off with caution about anything and everything that came to mind

“Mom, you know I am going 3 blocks down from here right? Plus I can come home at any time I want to. I am not moving to Mars or getting arrested.” You smirked the panic away from her, giving them a big hug.

“Call me or text me when you get there.” Nea pulled you in, whispering in your ear as quietly as possible “And don’t forget to sneak me a booty pick of good ol’Cap. You know what they say-”

“That is America’s ass.” Your voice came out in a mocking tone

“That i-…let me at least finish it by myself! Geez!” she pushed you towards the door “Ok ok, go now before you spoil me something else” her arms crossed in front of her chest

  The walk wasn’t that long, you were too invested in your own thoughts to notice when the time and distance had passed. The glistening windows of the compound building shined into your eyes. Your lungs filled up with a breath that they kept in for a moment, before releasing it back in the outside world. Pulling out the documents you stepped in. The fresh smelling air hit you making you close one eye for a second.

People were walking around you fast and concentrated. Some looked in a hurry, others were on break with a cup of coffee and a strain-leaving expression.

 Your feet, as slightly shaky as they were, took you right up to the front desk were a lady with a dark rich red colored uniform looked at you. She flashed a professional smile, her eyes asking for your purpose.

“Um, hello. My name is Y/N -Y/L/N.” she saw the logo on your papers and gasped

“You must be the new intern Mr. Stark told us about.” She signed something and reached out “Can you give me your hand for a second.” Your fingers didn’t go past the surface of the desk when she pocked your skin. Pulling in your extremity, your palm wrapped around the spot that began to sting a bit “Don’t worry about it. This is your identification pass. Fancy, no?” she smiled winking. Her body stood up as she pointed at the elevator far in the back of the foyer.

  Instructions were given with each step of the way, calming your nerves a bit. The moment you found yourself inside the elevator she pulled your hand to the sensor on the wall next to the buttons.

Recognized: Code 2514. Welcome Miss Y/N  

 Your head shot up when F.R.I.D.Y.’s voice echoed in the small space. The women smiled giving you a small nod and stepped out of the vicinity. Once her body was outside ,the doors slid closed. Over them glowed a protective blue light layering over the material like a soft veil.

 It felt like you weren’t moving an inch. Your body flinched when the sun stung at your eyes from the window. Your gaze landed over the view of the city, as you went higher and higher, ascending into the clouds  The blues and yellows were covering the inside of the elevator, such vibrant and lovely colors warming your body. For a moment your heart felt heavy- lost memory tugged onto it again. An often occurrence lately, yet you kept brushing off as deja vu. 

Floor 134. Welcome to the Avenger’s compound Miss Y/N

“134!?” the numbers cracked out with your voice. The interface made you turn towards the opposite opening doors revealing a room as big as a hall, if not almost a stadium. The ceiling was high being the lid to this round area. Your heart beat increased pumping blood to your body, dilating your pupils at least twice their original size. It look amazing, almost like you had just entered heaven. The walls were white, the furniture was perfectly placed and cream colored. Stepping outside you jumped at the sound of the elevator doors closing behind you. 

“Wow” escaped your lips, your hand pulling the suitcase closer. So this was the common room or the shared space. The windows were so big they were practically a wall of their own. The bright rays were making themselves at home giving the white paint a new color with each passing minute. The ceilings were probably the equivalent of 3 floors in height. There was this weird feeling of home inside, a bit of isolation maybe mixed in. 

“Miss Y/N?” your head swung to the side when you recognized that shy but bright smile. Throwing the papers on top of your suitcase, you extended your arm at the man.

“Ah.” Good thing your mind automatically responds politely to people without you giving it much thought “Dr. Banner. It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance.” you shook his hand gently a couple of times and let go ,finding the papers and showing them to him “My name is Y/N-Y/L/N.” gentle bow and a smile followed the words skillfully chosen

“Welcome Welcome. Tony is out right now so I might be the only one actively walking around the compound. Well…”he scratched the back of his neck, lightly hunching over with a sheepish smile “I am one of the people you will be working under anyways, so I guess it is good that I came to get you. I would love to show you the lab, but I am sure you would like to set up your things first.” You nodded and he showed you to your room. The corridor had 3 tall doors scattered on the walls, all looking modern and elegant.

“This is the side where usually we have our female members. Natasha and Wanda will be your nextdoor neighbors. Hope it won’t be any trouble.” Bruce looked at you ,when an aggressive shake took over your neck

“No, no. Not at all sir. I am very grateful to have such amazing heroes next to me. As a matter of fact won’t they be troubled with me here?” and here came the normal anxiety that you had for everything

“I am sure they will like you. Don’t worry about it.” Bruce stepped next to the door and waved you over “You don’t have a key or a door handle as a matter of fact. Tony’s idea, don’t ask. If you got up here on your own I assume he made the girls downstairs give you an identification implant. That is basically your entrance for everything here. Kind of an Avengers thing.” You nodded and him wiggling his fingers like a spell. Placing your hand on the door like he told you activated F.R.I.D.A.Y.

Recognized: Y/N. Access and ownership granted.

  The metal frame slid open and you found yourself standing before a big room. It was nicely furnished. The desk was big enough for you to work on it and have everything around. Bookshelves empty and ready to be used on your left and a large bed on your right flush against the wall. The window was once more its own wall right in front of you standing behind the desk. The bathroom door was opening a space before the shelf the same color as the paint in the common room.

“I will let you set up. If you need anything F.R.I.D.A.Y. is always here. The room is interactive, you can ask exactly what works under the interface’s control. The door is one.Take your time.”he was on his way out “Would you like some coffee or tea?”

“I would like some tea, thank you very much.” Bruce flashed you a smile “F.R.I.D.A.Y. the door please.”

Door closed 

  Done as said and requested, clicking behind you. 

Would you like an extensive list of my functions as an assistant?

“Please do.”

[sprnklersplashes]

work-love balance (rejanis one shot)

There are a number of reasons Regina wishes she didn’t have this job.

For one, the uniform is gross. And yeah the uniform is just an apron but it’s a gross apron. It’s navy, that’s all that needs to be said about it. Second, she’s realised she hates dealing with people. Not all people, there are a few that are okay, but some people are just so, so hard. And since she’s already on her second warning from her manager, she can’t tell someone to shove it whenever they snap their fingers at her, or don’t say thank you, or refuse to tip. She just has to swallow her pride, paint a smile on her face and complain when it’s quiet. Thirdly, it’s coming up to Christmas now which means she has to deal with Mariah Carey being played on a constant loop or six hours straight and not even Jolly St Nick himself could put up with that.

And fourth and most important; it eats into her Janis time.

Senior year is hard for both of them, especially now with finals coming up and work starting on their college applications. Janis is swamped with artwork, her hands constantly covered in paint, and Regina can barely breathe with all the assignments she has to get done. Where weekends were once for movie nights and coffee dates are now booked through with studying and projects and their conversations happening almost completely through the phone. They kept themselves busy enough earlier, with Regina’s lacrosse and Janis’ various extracurriculars, but now it seems that neither one can fit the other into their schedule. And believe it when they say they’re trying.

“Okay,” Janis sighs. They sit at an empty cafeteria table, a soft silence about the room at this early hour. Since the only time they see each other is in school, they agreed to come in early to try to work some sort of plan out. Regina was fine with it because she’d have been up anyway, Janis on the other hand was a little harder to persuade. A little begging, a lot of pleading, and a promise of a coffee on her swung it in the end. “Okay, so Monday is out, you have lacrosse training. Tuesday I have to study for my biology final. What about Wednesday?”

“I can’t,” she sighs. “Group project to work on. And then job-work after that. Thursday?”

“The talent show has their tech rehearsal. And they need the whole team down there.” Janis takes a long drink of her coffee, a scowl etched onto her face. Regina knows Janis loves doing the techy stuff for the school shows, and she outdoes herself every year, but she simply wishes that this year she’d have skipped it. Regardless of how good it looks on the college application. “Friday night?”

“More lacrosse practice,” Regina grumbles. “And I’m working.”

“Saturday and Sunday?”

“Work, work, work. Both in the school and the job.” Her head falls onto her arms, a low groan emitting from her and shaking the table. She feels Janis’ hand on her back making soft, reassuring pats and it makes her feel a little better, especially with her girlfriend mutters “there, there” in a half-joking, half-serious way that only Janis could pull off. A smile curls on her mouth, even if it’s muted by the rest of her frustrations.

“I just miss you,” she says, her head back up. “I miss how things used to be with us. You know…” She grins slyly, her finger tracing across the table until it reaches Janis’. “You and me. My room. Laptop between us.” Her fingers slowly interlink with Janis’ and she watches as the faintest hint of a blush creeps across her girlfriend’s cheeks. “Your head on my shoulder… us sharing the same blanket.”

“Stop,” she says softly, her voice so close to a plea. “You’re making me nostalgic.” She lets out a wistful sigh then, her thumb rubbing the back of Regina’s hand and sending goosebumps up her arms. “I miss you too. I mean who else is going to stop me from going crazy?”

“Thought that was Damian’s job.”

“Damian’s job is to keep me crazy.” She winks then and now it’s Regina’s turn to blush. “Your job is to keep me crazy.”

“My mistake,” she chuckles. Janis lifts her hand and presses a kiss to her fingers, her eyes never leaving hers, telling her she’s forgiven.

There’s a sort of breathless excitement she’s started feeling since dating Janis, and it comes in the small moments like this. Those moments have been so few and far between recently that Regina’s almost forgotten what that felt like, but here it is. The way her heart picks up just slightly, the way her veins seem to hum beneath her skin, the little soft feeling that unfurls in her stomach, all making her feel good-really, truly good-for the first time in a long, long time.

It doesn’t last long though, the bell ringing rudely and cutting into their alone time, and so they head off together, pinkie fingers linked, both hoping that somehow, they’ll find more time this week. She knows that it’s not likely, but if her relationship with Janis has taught Regina anything, it’s that miracles can happen. Sometimes they just need a little push.

Regina spies her opportunity for a ‘little push’ on Friday night. As per usual, the mall is absolutely packed with Christmas shoppers-parents buying for kids, teens getting Secret Santas and young men trying desperately to find a good gift for a girl who probably expects a ring. The mall is utterly flooded with people everywhere you look and that means that the line for Regina’s little milkshake shop is at least a mile long. She’s not been here an hour and both she and her colleague, a little wisp of a thing named Clara, both have headaches from the amount of screaming children and her cheeks sting from the smile plastered on her face. She’s been keeping score since she got here and so far there’s been three assholes telling them to hurry up and two Karens chastising her for her lack of customer service skills.

She wishes so badly she didn’t need this job, otherwise she’d flip each and every one of them off. Or, she would if she could remember their faces, but as she takes orders and turns around they all blend into one, and she doesn’t see them again until she’s shouted “small Skittles shake!” for the third time and the owner finally, finally comes forwards.

So all in all, she’s exhausted.

“Seriously,” she pants when she line dies down. “Who the heck wants milkshakes in December? Or ice cream? Why do we still sell that.”

“The kids,” Clara explains with a vague wave. “You know… kids like ice cream. And parents just want to shut them up.”

“Reminds me why I’m never having kids,” she scoffs and Clara actually laughs at that. She’s not so bad, not at all. She’s good fun and she’s nice, which is all you could want in a work buddy.

They serve the last few customers, and Regina wonders if she’ll actually be able to take a break, run down to the food court and get herself a sandwich, only to look up and find the manager appearing in front of them, carrying two cardboard boxes on his shoulder.

“You said you were running out of cones?” he asks.

“Did we?” She turns and looks and yep, their supply of cones has dwindled to almost nothing at all. Clara must have find a second, if even, to send him a text. “Oh yeah, thanks.”

“How have things been over here?”

“Well we’re alive,” Regina sighs. “Barely, but we’re alive. We made a lot of money if that’s what you’re interested in.”

“Oh, sounds good,” he says. “And Regina… you’re good to close up shop?”

“Yes I am,” she says through gritted teeth. He nods at that and gives her a brief, clipped thank you before asking her for the delivery receipts and heading on his merry way, back to his comfy office and his comfy office chair while they remain on their feet for the next few hours, serving customer after customer until they collapse. And then, with Clara leaving soon (she deserves it after all), Regina’s left to shut down all by herself…

Hang on. Lightbulb moment.

“Clara.” She grabs the other girl by the shoulder, her eyes wide and a smile tugging on the corners of her lips. “Can you hold the fort down while I go on my break?”

The girl hasn’t even finished saying ‘sure’ before Regina is gone, flying down the halls and pushing past people as fast her legs can carry her, her months of lacrosse training finally being useful. She makes a quick pitstop at the foodcourt and grabs herself some dinner before sitting down at an empty table and whipping her phone out, mistyping the number twice in her excitement.

Janis picks up on the second ring and that’s still not fast enough.

“Regina?”

“Hey,” she says through a mouthful of noodles, a small prick of anxiety in her gut. “Okay, so what are you doing tonight?”

“Um, nothing I guess,” she says. “Homework, art, watching Netflix. Why?”

“Because I have an idea,” she begins. “For us.”

“Oh do share.”

“It’s a surprise.” She can practically see Janis’ face falling. She hates surprises, and that’s what makes this fun. “I just need you to trust me on this.”

“Okay… I trust you,” she says in the least-convincing voice Regina has ever heard.

“Perfect,” she says. “Just get here late and hang around until 9 okay?”

“9? The mall closes at 9.”

“9:15 actually.” She wolfs down some more noodles. “Just be subtle when you get in here, okay? Be sneaky.”

“And then you’ll reveal to me your mysterious plan?”

“I promise.” She hears Janis laughing then and oh what that sound does to her heart.

“Okay. I better get some studying done then before I get there.”

“And I need to finish my food. Oh and Janis-” she interjects. “Bring your laptop. And your charger. Just in case, you know?”

And it’s the long, confused ‘okay’ from Janis that makes this all so worthwhile.

The mall is practically deserted when Regina switches off the sign and gets out the brush and pan. Normally the clean-up process is painfully slow, what with the dozens of things that need doing and Regina feeling utterly drained by the end of the night. But tonight she’s found a source of energy she didn’t know she had, one that has everything to do with her girlfriend, and she wipes down surfaces and brushes the floors in double quick time and throws things in the fridge with no rhyme or reason. She sprints out to the dumpster with the trash and back again in less than ten seconds, determined that nothing and no-one cuts into her time with Janis. She’s so focussed on her mental to-do list that she doesn’t even notice a person coming up behind her, not until she hears those dreaded words-

“Hi can I get a large Reese’s milkshake?”

Oh for the love of-

But her rant is stopped entirely when she turns and sees only Janis, chuckling on the opposite side of the counter, hair slightly damp and her backpack on her shoulders, a self-satisfied gleam in her eyes.

“Asshole,” she sighs. “That’s what you are. An absolute asshole.” She waves her hand. “Come on in, asshole.”

“Oh someone’s been busy,” she comments. “You know, I did get a little worried when I didn’t receive one snapchat from you about how much you hate the closing shift.”

“Oh shut up.” She checks that the coast is clear and then pulls down the shutter, with them still inside. Thankfully she had the foresight to slip the stepstool underneath it, preventing them from being shut in completely, but Janis’ eyebrows still shoot up, her mouth hanging half-open in a silent scream of oh my god my girlfriend’s finally lost it.

“Regina…” she begins. “Please look me in the eyes and tell me you are not locking me in a milkshake store with you. Please, tell me that.”

“Don’t worry,” she says. “I’m not locking us in. What I am doing is having an amazing idea for a date night.”

“Which is…” Regina gestures around them.

“Look around,” she says. “We’re alone. We have all the ice cream we can eat. We have sparkly lights. And you have your laptop, so we can whack on something cute. Or something dark if you’re into it.” She shrugs. “I thought if my job interrupts our dates, maybe we could have a date at work.”

For two seconds, maybe less, a cold fear washes over her as she waits for Janis’ reaction. Maybe this is too far, maybe she already had plans, maybe she doesn’t want to sit on a dirty floor with her.

Or maybe, she’s throwing her arms around her and the force of her body is throwing them back. Maybe she’s giggling into her shoulder and rocking the two of them gently, her smile brighter than any of the lights and sweeter than any of the candy around them.

“This is amazing,” she whispers. “You’re amazing. Maddening and possibly crazy, but amazing.”

She kisses her then and Regina wonders how she can still get butterflies in her stomach, even now.

They sit down on the floor, using their jackets as impromptu blankets, and Regina grabs some ice cream from the freezer, settling on Rocky Road after some deliberation, while Janis opens up her laptop. The heat from the computer contrasts with the coldness of the ice cream, both balanced across their legs, and it’s an odd sensation to say the least, but Regina doesn’t care.  They keep the ice cream close by and the toppings even closer; Janis has already covered her servings in chocolate sauce, and of course, rainbow sprinkles. The opening credits of To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before play onscreen, which Janis swears she only watches because Regina likes it so much, but she’s heard the muffled squeals behind her hand. She knows how she feels and one day she’ll get her to admit it.

But for now she just leans her head on Janis’ shoulder and snuggles into her. Janis presses a kiss to her head, slow and soft and so precious and Regina concludes that if they get trapped in here overnight, it won’t be so bad. Not if there’s Janis.

[twokinkybeans]

Thanks for the tag, @silentsunplays !! Do you make your bed? Kim: Sometimes? Most of the time I don’t whoops. I want to, though. Lien: I wish, it’s a habit I should pick up lol

What’s your favorite number? Kim: 4 and 11 Lien: Always used to be 24, but now it’s 17!

What’s your job? Kim: Physical Therapist Lien: Front desk of a construction company

If you could go back to school, would you? Kim: For a couple days, yes I’d love to! Will probably do one day for my Master’s but... For now enjoying the working life without homework ehe (who am I kidding, I’m taking way too much online courses). But I’d LOVE to go back to high school for a couple days. Shitty as it was sometimes, they were some great years <3 Lien: Currently in interior design school! I love to learn, so I will definitely do short courses after this. Am currently considering something with flowers or event planning (my previous job required a lot planning in film, but that’s not AS applicable to normal life lol).

Can you parallel park? Kim: Yes! Lien: Heck yes

A job you had that would surprise people? Kim: Funny enough I haven’t had many jobs. I had this newspaper route, I then worked in a shop and after that I rolled into elderly care (that being my side job in college). Nothing spectacular! Lien: Assistant Director on film sets

Do you think aliens are real? Kim: I’m very undecided. Lien: “Aliens” sounds so sci-fi lol. I do think there are more planets out there in the universe that are habitable and therefore have (sentient) life on them? So, yes, I guess lol.

Can you drive a manual car? Kim: Same as Lien (she answered these first so aha). Lien: Where we live it’s default to learn how to drive a manual.

What’s your guilty pleasure? Kim: German 80′s music Lien: The Mummy (the og film)

Tattoos? Kim: I have three! Lien: My fear of needles and pain keeps me from getting them lol.

Favorite color? Kim: Black & green! Lien: Used to be blue, but I’m leaning more towards green lately.

Favorite type of music? Kim: Uhhhh, I think my go to genre is alternative/punk but I love lots more around that too! Love it when it’s a bit heavier though. Lien: Film soundtracks/scores

Things that people do that drives you crazy? Kim: Hatred/judgement in general. Can’t think of a specific example right now. Lien: Be mean for the sake of being mean.

Do you like doing puzzles? Kim: Stuff like sudokus, word searches etc. Yes! Jigsaw? Nope, I can’t handle the frustration of not finding ANY piece and my sisters just - walking by and spotting the right piece in less than ten seconds. I gave up. Lien: I do! Though I tend to cheat if I’m particularly impatient. :P And if we talk jigsaw puzzles; I always used to do those with my grandma, so I always feel highly nostalgic doing those!

Any phobias? Kim: I’m not sure if it’s a phobia? But sudden, very loud sounds have me cry more often than not (it’s getting better tho!). The Dutch go absolutely NUTS on New Year’s Eve with their fireworks so I wear earplugs all night long ahaha.  Lien: Needles.

Favorite childhood sport? Kim: Dancing! Lien: Always danced (both ballet and street dance) and did some horseback riding too!

Do you talk to yourself? Kim: All the time Lien: More than I’d like to admit lol.

What movie do you adore? Kim: Beauty and the Beast (2017) Lien: Kubo and the Two Strings

Coffee or tea? Kim: Tea <3 Lien: Tea, for sure.

First thing you wanted to be growing up? Kim: Performer in a circus Lien: Dolphin trainer

We’ve been tagging so many people lately! Consider yourself tagged if you want to do this! <3

[let-me-vibe]

Fine the first 10

Well now it feels like a challenge.

Full name- Spark Iguchi

Age- 18

I'm afraid of dolphins, the dark, and the inevitability of death

I love my family, Aimi, and Link the nonbinary legend we all deserved

I'm a minor, I can't legally be turned on you weirdos :P I'm like a broken car

My best friend is either Dai or Uncle Jin

I like gorls

Only had one first date, and that was... 😬

I'm "short"

I miss the house not being so loud all the time

We already discussed when Dad's innocence was truly lost

My favorite color is neon pink

I guess you could call it a crush? I have a girlfriend obviously

I don't have a favorite quote

I like this tea shop down the street

My favorite food is salmon

I absolutely use sarcasm

I'm listening to Ember, Kin, and Zome try to impersonate Dad's screamer music

The first thing I notice about a person is how aggressively they're looking at me

I have gecko feet, so shoe sizes don't really apply to me

My eyes are purple

My hair is naturally red, but I dye it blue

My favorite style of clothing is *aggressively hides all my curves*

I've done several prank calls

27 not applicable

My favorite movie doesn't exist for you yet

I don't have a favorite song

Or a favorite band

I feel alright

I lovvvvvvvvvvve Aimi

I still have a girlfriend somehow

My dads rock

My favorite holiday is Valentine's day

I don't have any tattoos or piercings

Nor do I want any, which works out, cuz scales (RIP Papa)

38 not applicable

I don't have an ex

I do get "good morning" and "good night" texts

I last texted Kurogiri, and I have kissed him in a grandkid way

I last held hands farrrr too long ago, poor lonely hand :(

It takes me about an half an hour to get ready.

I can't shave my legs, they are barren

I'm on my couch

Anybody on the team would handle me if I was drunk, it's just a matter of who finds me first

I don't listen to music a lot

I live with my dads and other various weird kinda family members

I'm excited to be an adult

Yes, I can speak to men

I don't fake smile unless it's for pictures

I last hugged somebody, like, ten minutes ago

If Aimi was making out with somebody else I think I'd scream so loud she'd assume I'm a dragonborn or something

I don't think I trust anyone I shouldn't

I still dislike my lack of toenail

If I could meet anybody, I'd meet God so I could punch him

No thoughts head empty

I can lick my eyeballs

I'm scared of dolphins

I hate having my picture taken

The last lie I told was promising Ash that I didn't find her annoying sometimes

I'd rather call people than video chat

I guess I have to believe in ghosts, and I don't see why aliens wouldn't be real

Obviously magic's real, look at Uncle C

I don't see why luck would be fake

Very sunny over here

I last read a Star Wars fanfic

I like how gas smells

I have too many nicknames to list

My worst injury is probably just binding stuff

I save money

I can touch my nose with my tongue

Ash is pink and in front of me

My favorite animal is Le Gecko

At midnight I was calling my gf

Satan's last name is Todoroki

Can't say I have a happy song, but MCR does make me feel nostalgic

Win my heart by feeding me and giving me ripped black jeans

On my tombstone, write "wasted"

My favorite word is "flabbergasted"

81 not applicable

If the whole world were listening, I'd say "****"

I don't think I have relatives in jail

If I could have a superpower, I'd fly

I'd be afraid to honestly answer anything about my sex life

Desktop:

I've had sex

Never bought condoms

Never gotten pregnant

Never even been to a class

I've kissed a guy

I've kissed a girl

I've kissed in the rain

I have a job

I have left the house without my wallet

Never bullied anyone

Never had sex in public

Never played on a sports team

I've smoked weed

Never done any other drugs

Never smoked

I've tasted alcohol

I'm not vegitarian/vegan

Never been overweight

Never been underweight

I've been to a wedding

I've been on the computers for far longer than 5 hours at a time

I've watched TV for more than 5 hours at a time

I have left Japan

Never had my heart broken

Never been to a sports game

I've broken several bones

I cut my finger cooking once, but that's nothing compared to training with Papa

Never been to prom

Never been in a plane

Or a helicopter

Or been to a concert

I have a freAking girlfriend

Never learned another language

Never worn makeup

I lost my v card when I was 15

I have had oral sex

I have dyed my hair

Never voted

Never been in an ambulance

Or had surgery

I live with famous people

Never stalked anyone

Or peed outside

Or been fishing

I have helped a charity

Never been rejected by a crush

Or broken a mirror

Uhhhh I dunno what I want for my birthday

No kids 😤

I wasn't named after anyone

My handwriting's great

My favorite toy as a kid was Papa's face

Don't have a favorite show

I want to have a big rich person house

I don't play any instruments

I got a scar from itching my face too much

Only cheese should be on pizza

I'm afraid of the dark

I'm afraid of heights

I have been caught making mischief

Never dissapointed myself

I suck at knitting

My greatest achievment is beating Papa at Mario Kart once

Never really had anything specifically mean directed at me

If I won the lottery, I'd get top surgery

I like everything about myself

153 not applicable

I want a chocolate pool

[magic-miraculous]

Thoughts on Crisis on Infinite Earths (Part 3)

@vixen-uchiha

Let me just say before starting, I have high hopes but I feel like it’s gonna end in tears.

Again, continuity! How is Earth-203 still around??

Oracle?? Yessss

‘its his first crossover’ Ralph baby

Ryan? What show did he appear on before? I honestly don’t remember

Thank you Cisco. I also don’t like the name Anti-Monitor.

Wow, the Monitor is really bad at his job

KATE STOP WHY MUST YOU KEEP THAT KRYPTONITE AROUND

I feel like re-instating Vibe is a violation

Also, where has Nash been? Like, he was there for a minute at the end of part 1 but that’s it

Oh here he is

What side is he on?

Okay he’s on Anti side

The Monitor seems to know too much– he knew Vibe would be needed like that

KARA NO GET AWAY FROM LEX

Kate. This is a trap. It has to be.

Earth 666. How forshadow-y.

Oh hey Lucifer, what’s up?

I don’t watch that show but I’ve heard of it, and I’m sure people are freaking out rn

Is he flirting with Mia??

'Daddy issues’ oof

Wow ok bye that was fun

Cisco. It’s a trap. How much you wanna bet?

Jay??? What are they doing to you?

Oh, they didn’t know about Earth-2 at this point? That sucks

Ralph looks so offended poor kid

Wow the Monitor/Anti-Monitor are looking and sounding more and more like Thanos rn

Paragon!Clark spouting wisdom

Oh hey! Black Lightning! Hi! What’s up?

Tbh, I only watched the first season of BL, but at some point I’ll get around to watching the rest

Oh jesus his Earth is gone? You shouldn’t have told him like that

Kara and Kate are a fantastic dynamic. I need more of this in life.

The tension in here is laughable!!!

Crisis count: Nine, maybe? I lost count

Also: BARRY NO DONT VANISH PLEASEEEE

Oh Jeff’s school quote! I remember that! It’s super inspiring and I’m glad they worked it into the crossover

Crisis count: We’re assuming 10

No offence, but Oliver got back his memories too easily for my liking

I’m really glad Iris was the one to help Ryan

Wait. All the other Earths are gone??? Like, every one? I don’t like that

Barry and Iris just hitting me right in the feels

Everyone hitting me right in the feels!

Noo, Joe isn’t getting to say goodbye!

JAY NO

JAY WAIT NO DON’T

I mean I was considering the 'which Flash’ thing but STILL

Wait, he’s also a Barry

Just insert 'Barry’ wherever I said 'Jay’ I guess

Aw, the clips from the old Flash show! That’s so sad and nostalgic

So Earth 1 is safe

No other Earths are left

Also, what’s the point of the Paragons? What are they going to do? Like, I get the concept, but not the application of it

John’s 'make like a tree’ pun

Spectre? John Corrigan? Hmmm… Sounds slightly familiar I think

Also suspicious as heck

Jefferson and Barry are playing the 'Who’s got more trauma?’ game but at least there’s a good reason

Ooh, I love that poem! Dylan Thomas!

Okay, I saw a post saying they wanted Kate to do one of three things with the Kryptonite, and I’m so happy what actually happened was close to one of those things

Well hey Lyla, what’s up?

Yeah we can’t trust her now

Crisis count: 10

LYLA NO

So Pariah does have a pattern

Hello I hate this

Blue vs. red light show to the DEATH

Blue wins

So the Monitor was stupid enough to create his opposite? Dude.

Earth. No. Frick. No.

Is Pariah going to sacrifice himself or? What’s going on?

So the Paragons are gone

What will happen to the rest?

NOOOOOO

WHYYYYY

The vanishing point? Is from where? I can’t remember

What’s happening to Paragon!Clark?

NO LEX WHY NO HOW COULD YOU?????

This man. I swear to god this man is testing me.

THAT’S IT???

AND YOURE TELLING ME I HAVE TO WAIT A MONTH FOR THE REST???

UGH

[pet-diary]

New Nostalgia

I’ve been really falling down on writing about my day lately, so I thought I would try a new format and see if I liked it (to be honest, I stole it from bokurarri because their entries look so clean and appealing). Think of it like buying a new diary, haha. Because I tend to just give up when I get too behind on posting... I guess I’ve always done that when it comes to keeping a diary, even when I was a kid. But I really want to post more regularly, on the daily. Like, I keep a queue running constantly, but in terms of immediate posting, and more descriptive accounts of my day, I only tend to do that when I’m on my desktop and have free time. I’m just noticing, I really won’t have as many free days like that if I start getting busy with grad school or a job. That’s kind of scary to think about (okay, a LOT scary), so I really need to form these habits now while I still have some time. I thought I’d start by posting an entry that I wrote a few days ago but never posted. Maybe I’ll do this sometimes, just to keep a record of things, even if I don’t have much time to write. I know I also tend to start writing an entry and then I fall asleep and have to stop, so maybe this will help for that. I’ve also been wanting to do this in Mori Journal format, but I figured I’d start simple for now. So here goes....

＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿ ☁： 天気はどうですか 😅： 元気？ ￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣ ■ 02.03.18. (Saturday) 【Apartment viewings & Cocktail Parties】

Today, I viewed two apartments, walked a lot, turned in an application for one apartment (effectively signing on it, we move in half a month!), came home, got dressed for a cocktail party, went to a major donor casino party for a disability rights and services organization, hung out with two new friends (I have friends!!) all night, met a ton of new people who I really liked, drank a lot of water while everyone else got drunk (lol, I hate that my body doesn't like alcohol), gambled for the first time in my life (black jack. Kinda boring! but it was for a good cause, and it was actually free to us), randomly ran into an ex at this party who I deeply dislike (I'm pretty sure I did not hide my disdain well, lol oops), turns out he works in the same field and hangs out around the same types of people. Also works at the hospital I’m doing my observership from, so that’s SUPER fun. I genuinely hate this guy... Oh well. That was really uncomfortable and exhausting. I had to pretend to be polite and friendly. Trev doesn’t like him either, and he hated Trev. Ugh. I hate faking my emotions, I’m not good at it. Lots of cognitive dissonance gross feels. The rest of the night was really good. Feeling very proud of myself lately for being so brave and strong... But very exhausted.

Back to present day... I’ve been feeling a little anxious lately about the future. I think that’s normal, considering everything I have going on right now. But I get really scared that my anxiety will become acute again. That I’ll get panic attacks again, or deeply depressed again, or start having odd thinking again. I’ve come so far in just a short time, so I’m trying really hard to have healthier coping mechanisms and thought processes. But it seems like little things will trigger old ways... I tend to bounce back more easily, but it still happens. And when I try to talk to anyone about it people tend to blow me off and tell me I’m doing fine and I don’t have anything to worry about. If I’m doing fine it’s because I’m working hard every single day, every day is a struggle, “fine” doesn’t come easy. So this fear of back sliding is real, very very real. And, Idk. I guess I’m just trying to live with it and stay aware of it but not become too fixated. I keep saying that I’m just sort of living with a baseline of anxiety right now. It’s better than acute. But I don’t know how long someone can live that way either. Baseline of anxiety. I just keep hoping that I still have room to heal and things will get better in the future... If Trev’s job gets better, if I get into grad school. Maybe grad school will be the fun/exciting experience I hope for. But I’m worried that I’m romanticizing it, like I do most things. Will I ever be able to have a normal job? When I imagine my future, I see clips of my life, like frames from a movie. Myself, dressed professionally, walking through a hallway. Myself, preparing my lunch. Catching the bus. The sound of my purse as I tighten it around a stack of files. My walk to work. The way my coffee mug feels in my hand as I walk on a chilly autumn day... I don’t imagine running into exes. I don’t imagine making small talk. I don’t imagine feeling like I have no idea what someone is talking about, or that I am so behind in so many subjects and I’ll never catch up. I don’t imagine it realistically. I imagine it nostalgically. And that’s what worries me...

Well anyway. I’m excited about our new apartment. Something new to feel nostalgic about. As I mentioned in a previous entry, we got approved for the apartment! So now we just have to pay the fees, and I need a note from my therapist saying Cash is an emotional support animal (bc it’s otherwise a no-dog building, and I’ve been needing to get this anyway -- although apparently legally there is no paperwork for this and I am not obligated to provide any paperwork, but I wanna stay on the good side of our future apartment manager so I’ve asked my therapist to provide me with some kind of documentation). Once I get that we’ll be all set. We can officially move in on the 15th, but we’ll likely move a few days later because we’ll be taking a weekend trip for our 11 year anniversary. :) 11 years. That’s real. :) Something REAL to feel nostalgic about now, something that is like a movie. Some happy moments really are real. It’s what keeps me going. I just hope I can keep building on these real happy memories.

[stvlti]

11 Questions

i was tagged by @privatekururugi, @espiadimonis, and @transguynoriaki a while ago. each gave me a set of 11 questions to answer, so i will answer these 33 questions. i’m not gonna tag anyone in particular, but if you see this do feel free to have a go at any or all of these sets of 11q’s.

from @privatekururugi:

1) Do you have any specific diet you go by? (Vegan, Gluten-Free, Paleo, etc.) i used to be pescetarian, but then the deficiencies it gave me caused some pretty bad dental / gum problems, so i started eating a bit of lean chicken and pork on the side again... (yeah i know supplements exist, but even my nutrition major of a friend thought a pescetarian diet won’t yield deficiencies, and also supplements are fairly expensive. get off my case)

2&3) Do you have any siblings? If so, how close are you? nope, i’m an only child

4&5) What’s your favourite book and why? (I might want to read it lol) hmm. i still really like 1984, it was the first dystopian classic i read and the concept of Newspeak, tampering with historical authenticity on such grand scales, etc. just blew my mind. so even though i still dislike its weakass character-writing (p much anyone besides Winston has no personality, no distinct personal motives, etc), it’s got a soft spot in my heart. next to that i also liked A Clockwork Orange for the philosophical discussion of the nature of right and wrong (although in hindsight the story is a bit didactic); To Live by Yu Hua (the ill-fated episodes and tragic ends are made all the more absurd by the subtle and simply narration style, but it really is a humbling and informative experience for us readers of a different era and socioeconomic background); and of course, my favourite fable, A Little Prince.

6) Would you describe your personality as dominate or submissive overall? what the fuck kind of question is this. well i’m opinionated as heck, so i’m not submissive “personality-wise”. and that’s all i’ll say on the matter because i’m p sex-indifferent lol, if that’s what this question was trying to get at.

7) What are your dreams usually like at night? oh man. i usually don’t dream normal dreams; as in, most dreams i have is either one big adventure / story, or some bizarre situation that would have been questionable at best, fucked up at worst, in real life context. when i start dreaming about mundane everyday life problems or situations, like failing a test or being stuck with a friend i’ve cut off from my life years ago, that’s usually when i’ve got some kind of stress going on in my life.

(i’ve been trying to restart my dream journal tag actually, but i got stuck on my second entry trying to recall the specifics lol. maybe i should release entry #3 from the drafts first.)

8) Is there anything you’re currently anxious about? well, yeah. my future. my job prospects. being homeless once my parents decide to sell their house off for retirement because the housing prices are through the roof here. pick one.

9&10) Are you looking forward to Thanksgiving? Will you be contributing anything? we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving!

11) Whose your favourite Death Note character (if you have one)?  Light Yagami, even though he’s a slimy fox.

from @transguynoriaki:

1. What kind of music do you listen to?

hmm, i only listen to really slow music or something dark or rock-ish, nothing in between!! muahahaha!! 

okay that’s generalising it; i do love The Honey Trees and The Novembers, which are on opposite ends of the “slow” spectrum (one’s dream pop, the other’s infused with shoegaze and other distortions + some screamy vocals and loud noises at times), with Lana Del Rey and her decadent sounds smack in the middle lol. but yeah i certainly have a taste for the more atmospheric stuff, so aside from the fuzzy feelings of The Novembers’ stuff and the grandness of Lana’s string instrumentals i also like the darker chill vibes you get from The Neighbourhood, some of The Weeknd’s older stuff, etc. 

and I also really enjoy MCR, Muse and the like - i.e. dramatic sounds, that’s the good shit to me haha.

i also like more conventional pop acts like Lorde... and my fave local singer, Ivana Wong, of course!

2. Do you prefer to keep your living space neat and tidy or do you like a certain amount of mess?

i do prefer order and routine in my life, sadly if i can’t do that on a structural level you think i can do that with my desk?! lol. in an alternate universe, maybe.

3. What was the first ship you remember really shipping?

hmm probably TerraxBeast Boy from CN’s Teen Titans. i was lukewarm / indifferent to other canon pairings i’ve seen in media up until that point; but i guess i was more persuaded by the storyline than their characterisations as looking back there are glaring trust issues in their relationship (and that’s an understatement)

4. Do you have a certain show or book series that holds a lot of nostalgic value for you? If so, what was it?

hmm, i guess Courage the Cowardly Dog? (i was a weird kid but shush) and Teen Titans of course. as for books, hmm... ASoUE is definitely one of the ones that just takes me back to middle school. i even bought the Beatrice letters files thingy. tbf the whole Lemony Snicket universe did teach me a lot about cryptography, which i guess if me or a friend of mine were to do an L rp and solve cases it would help a lot (*cough* not saying that’s what’s happening right now because i’ve got other stuff i’m investing my time into. i guess my friend’s gonna make themselves scarce as well hahaha *cue Mariah Carey’s i can’t read gif except it’s L*)

5. What is your favorite type of food?

Italian and Japanese are my fave cuisines! i guess that means i love richly-flavoured foods and creamy stuff. ooh, love those sauces.

6. Was there ever a fad or activity from your childhood that you could never understand or get into?

i wasn’t a gamer at all. we didn’t own a single console and i wasn’t allowed to get a handheld. the most i had was a Tamagotchi. so i guess it’s not so much i never got that ‘fad’, just that i was never given the opportunity to discover the really good games. i’ve only ever played a bit of Mario Kart or Cooking Mama on my cousin’s NDS so yeah. didn’t see the appeal in the more light-hearted games like that.

(now that i’ve played Undertale i’m kinda wanting to explore more PC games though. i heard Papers Please is good, and PJ (@kickthepj)’s been recommending Hyper Light Drifter a lot, and the art looks amazing, so yeah... too broke to get them though... and even if i had the money and time to play them i’d be allocating it towards other stuff you know?)

7. What’s your favorite time of day?

well i got 2 fave time periods. the first one’s the witching hours between midnight and early morning, when the world is quiet and you could do anything and nobody would know. the other one is early morning, just after sunrise, and the air is clear and slightly chilly, and it’s also really quiet but you can just hear the birds tweeting somewhere.

i’m more likely to be awake for the first time period described here though... ._.

8. What’s your favorite type flower and why?

hmm i'm not really a flower person. i’m just gonna steal Luke’s answer and say cactus flowers haha (well i do like cacti, they’re some of my favourite plants; i even named my IG/Twitter and Pokemon Go usernames after the plant; also some of you might remember that i had a pet cactus for 8 months)

9. What’s your favorite cliché/trope in fiction?

lovers running out of time...

10. Did/do you do any extracurricular activities when you were in school and what were they?

(wow Luke that’s a lot on your resume!)

i did bits and bobs throughout school, but perhaps my longest commitment was my Clarinet lessons. started when i was in Year 2, carried on until i obtained a Pass in Grade 8 ABRSM certificate in Year 10. i had to quit and give up on a diploma there because i was starting the IB diploma programme in Year 11...

this commitment is only rivalled by the dance classes i took. i did ballet from a young age until i was about 12~13, quitting just before en pointe shoes were introduced; i had also been in Chinese dance lessons from Year 1, so after quitting ballet i just focused on that until Year 10 as well (again, quitting to focus on my full-time diploma).

i also did Taekwondo as a child and obtained a black belt qualification by age 12. i quit once i did though, because again i couldn’t afford to juggle so many commitments the older i got and the more demanding my studies became.

perhaps the proudest extracurricular i’ve done is in my senior years of high school: i started and chaired the student committee as the editor in-chief for the school’s first student-ran and seasonal (now monthly) publication. it’s not student-ran either anymore because i guess the kids that came after the classes of 2014, 2015, and 2016 just dgaf about slightly more demanding extracurriculars that require organisation as long as they can earn their credits elsewhere (yes i’m salty, i’m allowed to be okay, it was my brainchild but apparently kids these days don’t care about having their voices heard if it means having to negotiate diplomacy with the adults in charge. god, how do they expect to survive in uni or in a workplace?)

11. What’s your favorite piece of work that you’ve ever created and what about it do you love so much?

hmm. i think for sure the prose poem i wrote about Light’s death in the anime. idk, the flow and the imagery is just a good concentrated example of what i could be capable of given the right tone and context. (of course, i’ve been trying hard to branch out in genres and forms, so that sort of language isn’t always applicable. but yeah, it remains my fave as a showcase of my best writing abilities ^_^)

and from @espiadimonis​:

1.If you could have one piece of death note merchandise of any kind, what would it be?

oh man! i’ve been pining after the Hot Topic official DN poker card deck for quite some time! i’ve checked Blue Banana while i was in the UK, but it’s not available there, and it’s not at Tokyo Toys either (they do sell a DN playing card deck, but it’s a lot cheaper in design :/)

2.What’s your favourite 3D animated movie?

does Lego Batman count? if not, then i guess Zootopia.

(there’s a reason these 2 are listed in my bio fandoms list like...)

3.What superpower would you like to have?

i used to always choose levitation / flying, but lately i’m not so sure. i’ve heard a lot of compelling arguments for other powers haha.

you know what, i’d trade for something as simple as better control of my own brain. i don’t care about mind control over others; i just want to be able to harness the best parts of my lightning fast thought processes and out-of-the-box thinking on my best days without being constantly tripped up by executive dysfunction like that on a metacognitive level.

4.Favourite piece of clothing?

my soft furry hoodie, which i’m wearing right now! <3

5.Who’s your favourite Sailor Scout?

i don’t have one, sorry! i was 4 when it aired on TV, so i don’t remember much from those years except the Sailor Moon t shirt i got courtesy of my aunt because it was all the rage back then... i’m sorry, but i have more vivid memories of Pretty Cure and Sugar Sugar Rune!

6.Do you prefer potato chips chocolate?

it is a good combo for sure! we are talking about Royce’s chocolate potato chips, right? (if you haven’t tried it get some next time you or a friend/family goes to Japan! we can buy it locally from like Citysuper or something, but i doubt they export it to any countries beyond East Asia haha)

7.What song makes you feel melancholic?

oh, Six Billion did last week. it left me feeling cold all over. an effect from the combination of the layered vocals and the instrumentals i guess. (is it in minor key? i’m sorry i can’t tell anymore, it’s been far too long since i’ve had any musical training. but if it’s in minor key it would explain why.)

there’s also some of the stuff off The Novembers’ catalogue... mostly 終わらない境界 from To (melt into), which was my daily commuting soundtrack at a time when i had brainfog on a regular basis, so yeah, anxiety and all that fun stuff :/

8.Which dn character would you invite to Spaceland(the amusement park)?

Sayu or Matsuda? they deserve a lot more than the hand canon dealt them. hmm maybe Rem too? but she wouldn’t be able to interact with a lot of the stuff there :/

9.What’s the funniest movie you ever watched?

i guess The Lego Batman Movie? i’m sorry i know i keep bringing this film up, but it’s comedic genius for a “kid’s movie”.

10.You can only choose one pokémon! Which one do you choose?

Blissey was gonna be my go to answer. she’s a tank, have you seen her? but is she really my fave mon? debatable. idk man. i really liked Vulpix/Ninetales as a kid... but dark and ghost types though!! okay i can’t choose, next question 

11.What made you happy recently?

i went to another poetry event last night and i met up with a friend i haven’t seen since September :P

[aliceinacademia]

I graduated!

NB I'm cross-posting this on my new blog, where I'm in the process of converting my posts from here (not very quickly, YAML is tedious) and I occasionally blog about books.

On Friday 20 July 2019, 145 weeks and two days after my original viva, nearly 15 months after my second viva, and just over ten months after my certificate was issued, I finally had my graduation ceremony.

It was definitely my favourite of the three graduations I've had - I was happier with my outfit and make-up than I had been on the other two occasions, I got to meet John Bercow, who said to me 'nobody can take that away from you', he and Alumna of the Year Melissa Johns gave amazing and inspiring speeches, and I enjoyed seeing my erstwhile department colleagues at the reception and taking advantage of the buffet (there were these mini-scones with jam and cream which were DIVINE). Four of my former students got their degrees, with two of them appearing as case studies in the graduation booklet for the day, and I felt so happy for them.

And yet, in the weeks leading up to it, I fell into a bit of a funk, because I felt that, as a PhD graduate, I should be impressing everyone with my achievements since completing, when I'm still in more or less the same position I was when I crashed some of my friends' graduation reception last year. In the ceremony itself, there was a lot of talk about 'getting out there', making a difference' and 'slaying it'. There are always these messages around graduation time that you're on the cusp of something amazing, yet I don't feel like I am doing, or am going to do, amazing things. People with PhDs are always characterised as ambitious and high-achieving (aside from the PhD itself), but I'm an unspectacular being who just happens to be really bloody-minded.

It's occurred to me since, though, that those statements are more applicable to the majority of graduands - undergraduates who literally have just finished one thing and need to start another - than someone in my situation. I'm just on a different timeline to a lot of the other people there. I really started my 'next chapter' in October 2016 when I moved into full-time work - changing when and where I work, who with, what I do, and when and how I'm paid - and my PhD work became something I had to fit around that.

With all these messages of change in the air, I felt bad that I wasn't shaking things up myself. Don't get me wrong, I don't fear change, and welcome it if it looks to benefit me, but at the moment I like what I'm doing, can't think of any other job (that anyone would let me do, anyway!) I'd rather have, and can't imagine having nicer colleagues, so why change for the sake of it?

Something that I wasn't expecting was how nostalgic I'd get for my days at Essex. Picking up and returning my robes to the Lecture Theatre Building reminded me of when I had some of my MA classes in there, and sat in on the lectures for one of the courses I taught on; taking my habitual route off campus, and waiting for the bus put me in mind of all the times I did that same thing over the years. I have returned to campus since completing, to sit by the lake and feed the ducks (SEEDS, NOT BREAD!), but perhaps because I was reunited with so many people from the department I used to see all the time, this visit was really evocative.

Suddenly, it was 2012 again and I was returning to university after two years of a mind-numbing part-time job and I was getting excited for all the modules I was going to take, what I was going to learn, and the things there were to do and see on campus. I'd never do a PhD again, but I do miss the seminars and set reading of the BA and MA.

At least I did have one piece of news - I've agreed to contribute to an edited collection. I know I said I don't want to publish, and I still wouldn't actively ask to be published, but I was invited, and I have enough ideas and material in my thesis to write a stonking chapter without having to do extra research I don't have the resources for. What's more, I miss writing, I just don't want to kill myself in the process of doing so, and this task looks to have an acceptable enjoyment-pain balance. I'm quite excited, actually!

So I guess this still isn't my final PhD blog post - as long as my chapter is OK, I'll be posting again in a couple of years' time when the collection comes out.

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Jayne you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Marcus McKinnon!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

There’s a lot of people who are super excited to have your Marcus back in the mix! And reading over your application just made us really nostalgic and happy that he was coming back. It’s clear how much time and effort you’ve taken into developing his character, which really makes him jump out to us as someone we’d hate to do without in the roleplay -- and we’re so excited for you to explore some of the plot points that you’ve developed and take him further along in his journey! You’ve been missed!

application beneath the cut

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

My name is Melissa Jayne but I prefer to go by Jayne, I am 23 (blah - feel old), she/her pronouns please and I live in the GMT+1 timezone, United Kingdom.

ACTIVITY

I plan to be pretty active, keep up with activity requirements and interact with everybody. 7/10, because a girl needs to earn money and get her beauty sleep ;)

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

I was here before :)

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

I don’t think I really connected or identified with any one character, I loved them all individually for different reasons and the books and characters were like a family to me. I loved Nymphadora Tonks the most, though I wouldn’t say I was anything like her - her ability to change her appearance seemed cool and she was clumsy just like me.

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Marcus; /ˈmɑːkəs/; MAR-kuws Meaning>>  Dedicated to Mars - Ancient Rome        

Elliott;  /ˈɛliət/;  EH-lee-ət Meaning>>  With Strength and Right/ Bravely and Truly/ Boldly and Rightly

McKinnon; /məˈkɪnən/;  MUH-kin-on Meaning>> Fair Born/ Fair Son - Gaelic

FACE CLAIM

Garrett Hedlund!

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

I have always loved Marcus, from the first moment I read his biography and realised that of course, Marlene would have siblings. I played Marcus as my first ever character here and I adored him, the character development and the interactions and the relationships I was able to create with him. I want a chance to work on him again, redevelop him and bring him into a new environment with a clean slate and a fresh start.

Call to mind a man in a nice, crisp suit, leaning back in an office chair, one foot up on the desk in front of him as he nibbles absentmindedly on the end of a quill. This is the image of Marcus that comes to mind whenever I think about him. He is professional, intelligence and shrewd, however, he has a softer side of him. He doesn’t trust easily but once his trust is earned, he is at your disposal. He is loyal to his friends, putting their needs above his own and he adores his sister Marlene. He takes his job very seriously but he enjoys messing around with his colleagues and building good relationships with them.

In Hogwarts he was always one with the clear head. He made sure his friends kept out of trouble and that his homework was done at least two days before it was due. He enjoyed playing Quidditch and ate chocolate eclairs by the bucket load. He passed all of his OWLS, the majority with Outstanding grades, though he never bragged about them and instead, celebrated the grades of others and encouraged his friends out of their disappointment. He can be a little bit of a smart arse, which often gets him playfully punched or whacked with a pillow. He has also been known to sulk about little things and hold grudges unfairly.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Marcus is heterosexual and I have no preferred ships for him, I like ships to form through chemistry and good writing. He uses he/him pronouns and identifies as a male.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

A MOODBOARD [x]

AN AESTHETIC [x]

A PLAYLIST [x]

A FEW HEADCANONS

When Marcus was five, he fell into a lake on a family trip and almost drowned. His father dove in to save him. Ever since that day, he had been terrified of the water. he can swim, but if he can avoid it, he will do so with every fibre of his being.

Marcus has always been incredibly protective over his sister, and oddly, her friends. He saw them all as sisters that needed to be watched over.

Frank has been his best friends since they sat together on the train on their first day at Hogwarts. Despite their different houses, they remained close and by each others side. Marcus kept Frank out of trouble and Frank encouraged Marcus to cut loose every once in a while.

Marcus joined the Ministry because his father advised him to do so. He has never truly known what he wanted to do for a career.

A FEW POTENTIAL PLOT POINTS

Marcus’s old injury continues to cause his grief, effecting his combat skills and even his ability to tackle stairs. It isn’t until he collapses in front of Amos that he admits that something is not right.

Marcus tries to prove his worth and ends up making a deal with the wrong man, or the wrong Deatheater and he ends up in turmoil, struggling to get a grip on his life and career.

Marcus quits his job at the Ministry and lives off of his parents money for several months whilst he tries to scrape his life back together. A Ministry career had never really been for him anyway.

Marcus dies whilst fighting alongside his family, in the final weeks of the war. He dies knowing that he fought for the right side and as hard as he could.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

Marcus runs a hand through his hair as he ponders the question. His father is currently going bald because he runs his hand through his hair too often, especially, like Marcus, when he is deep in thought. “I honestly don’t know, every potion or spell I have ever needed has already been invented. Perhaps a charm to convert my thoughts into words without lifting a quill? Late night reports are a bitch for hand cramps”.

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“I would take Frank with me, without a doubt, partly because he is brave but mostly because if I didn’t, he would bitch and whine at me until I threw myself from the astronomy tower, simply to get some peace” he joked, though he sucked his lips as he thought hard on the next part. “A knife, probably, since there is some creepy shit in that place and if I my wand was knocked from my hand, I’d like to be able to defend myself”.

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

“Ones that compromise my character?” he half asked, shrugging a little. “I haven’t had to make too many hard decisions, but I suppose if I had to decide on who to save between two people I loved, that would be an impossible decision”.

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

He leaned back in his chair, clasped his fingers together on his lap and glances towards the ceiling as his mind repeats the question. “I… don’t know” he said quietly, his eyes slowly moving from the ceiling and back to the interviewer. “I guess I would hate for anyone to call me a coward… does that count?”

WRITING SAMPLE

He wasn’t entirely sure as to how he was keeping his eyes open, but he assumed it might have something to do with the three mugs of coffee that he had guzzled whilst changing into his formal wizarding robes. High Society, Pureblood gatherings were not his cup of tea, or coffee as it were, but as his mother had attempted to guilt trip him and eventually blackmailed him, he had had no choice in whether he attended or not. As soon as he had finished at the Ministry for the day, he had rubbed his tired eyes, groaned in annoyance as he had glanced at his calendar and remembered his obligation and headed home to his apartment to change.

As it always was, the social gathering was full of smartly dress men and elegantly dressed ladies, lavish surroundings that were no doubt decorated, polished and prepared by house elves and a banquet that was fit for kings, which many of those among the pureblood society believed they were. His mother and father had not wanted to attend and he had known exactly why - they hated these gatherings just as much as he and Marlene did. To make the night worse, as if that could be possible, he had barely slept in the past week and wondered several times if he was simply dreaming of being at a party, but every time he accidentally bumped into someone and they scowled at him, he was reminded that he was very much awake.

Nursing a glass of whiskey, he scanned the crowd for any signs of a friend, perhaps Frank or Lucinda, but neither seemed to have been invited or been inclined to attend that night. He wished he had been able to take his sister with him, though they would have likely been given the same glances that the Carrow siblings received any time they walked into a room together. Marlene had only recently been released from the hospital though and she was fragile in his eyes, so he hadn’t wanted to throw her into a room of stuffy Purebloods. When they were younger, they had sat in the corner and giggled as they mocked the other party goers, but it wasn’t the same when he was mocking them by himself and he suspected that speaking out loud to himself would only earn him a reputation of being ‘touched in the head’.

An hour passed by before he finally admitted to himself that he had had more than enough and it was time for him to leave. Finishing the whiskey in his glass, he placed the glass on a nearby table and headed for the door, swerving in and out of people as he did so, keeping his head down and his eyes averted. He could almost feel the eyes that turned his way and he moved through the crowd, but refused to look up until he had left the home of whichever Pureblood had thrown the party - he had completely forgotten and didn’t care in the slightest. Taking a deep breath, feeling the icy air fill his lungs, his head cleared and he breathed a sigh of relief, before taking out his wand to apparate home and share tales of his awful night with his sister.

Next time, he would let his mother post his baby pictures to everyone at the Ministry and be done with it.

[klovenhooves]

BenWash drabble: Unformed Clay

For @grumblebee-trilogy: 

George loved the summertime; the warmth spread through the city like a comforting blanket, and his nephews (well, not quite nephews, Gilbert’s children were not his blood, but they were close enough) came to visit for a week. George allowed himself the week to indulge in his childhood memories; he got to take George (he affectionately called him Junior), Henriette, Anastasie, and Marie out to Central Park, to Coney Island, and to a little paint-it-yourself pottery shop that he’d frequented when he was a child, long before he allowed himself to admit that he was terrible at painting anything, especially a piece of pottery.

 But still, the week was coming to a close, and Marie, especially, had been asking since their arrival (a flurry of cheek kisses and squealing, his dog Captain hiding under the kitchen table at the noise) when they were going back. He worried that Junior, the eldest, had lost interest in pottery painting, at a moody fourteen years old, but even he had a nostalgic grin on his face when they entered the shop.

 A man that George didn’t recognize was at the counter, his hair long enough to be pulled back in a bun, an apron splattered with paint over what looked like a sweater with leather elbow patches and some tight khakis. The children immediately scattered, their eyes trained on the shelves of ready-made pottery, just itching to be filled in with carefully applied paint.

 “Good afternoon, sir,” the man said kindly, but George could see a weariness behind his eyes that spoke of hours on his feet. “My name is Benjamin Tallmadge, have you been here before?”

 Before he could censor himself, George extended his hand, grasping Ben’s paint-flecked one warmly. “George Washington,” he replied. “I’ve been coming here since I was a child.”

 Their hands were still connected, rising and falling softly as if the ritual of handshaking had yet to be completed. George released his hand, his gaze finding the children, settling in at their own tables to their work.

 “Your children have been coming here as well?” Ben asked, retreating to the counter in the back of the shop to retrieve more brushes and refills of black and white paint.

 George watched him go, his graceful gait only slightly marred by what was obvious exhaustion. He felt a pang of sympathy for the man, and had an irrational urge to usher the children out so he could rest.

 “Oh, these aren’t my children,” he explained. “They’re my nieces and nephews.”

 “So you’re the benevolent uncle,” Ben said with a smile that transformed his whole face. George lost himself in that smile for a moment, long enough to take in the intoxicating blue of his eyes and the soft gold of his eyelashes. “I can see that.”

 “And you?” George asked, following Ben back to his counter to give the children the privacy to paint without distraction.

 “Me what?” Ben asked, trying to hide a yawn behind his hand.

 “How long have you been working here?” George asked, noting silently the way that Ben leaned on the counter, the way his eyes flickered back to the cameras in the corner that he knew were there. Was he afraid of talking to a patron? Or was he afraid of being chastised for something else? George knew the owners of the place; he knew they were rarely in the shop anymore, especially as they aged. They left the shop to the worker for the day, or the shift, and they had to run the ship alone until closing or until they were relieved. Usually, it wasn’t so bad; but based on the deserted shop and the fatigue of Ben, his angelic eyes heavy and his shoulders stooped, George would have to hazard a guess that he’d been at work since they opened.

 “Only a few weeks,” Ben said, trying to blink past the tears that his most recent yawn had brought forth. “I’m so sorry,” he apologized, indicating his own hand over his mouth.

 “No need to apologize,” George said with a grin that pulled a blush to Ben’s cheeks. “This job can be tough.”

 Ben seemed to be unwilling to answer, but a loud grumble from beneath the counter told George all he needed to know. Ben’s faint blush at George’s smile became a full red face of embarrassment as George’s smile widened at the sound of Ben’s grumbling stomach.

 “Can we just…pretend that didn’t happen?” Ben said quietly as Marie screeched in delight behind George.

 “How long have you been on this shift, Benjamin?” George asked, lowering his voice as if to tell a secret. Ben leaned in closer to hear the question, and George was again struck by the cherubic innocence and beauty in the younger man’s face. He was a masterpiece worthy of a museum, not just a little pottery shop, gilded only slightly in the light like he was dusted with gold.

 “We opened at 8 a.m., sir,” he said, trying to maintain professionalism that George waved off.

 “It’s four in the afternoon,” he replied. Ben nodded, shifting away from him slightly as his voice rose. “You’ve been here since you opened?”

 “Well, the person that was supposed to take over my shift didn’t show up, so,” Ben shrugged, but his shoulders fell heavy, as if carrying an enormous weight. “It’s okay,” he said when he saw George’s face contort in disbelief. “It happens all the time. I’m used to it.”

 “But I’m sure it’s exhausting,” George coaxed, pulling a nod from Ben as he cast his eyes about to the four patrons, dutifully painting away. “But the pay is worth it, I imagine?”

 Ben shrugged, his shoulders rising and falling in that familiar cadence that George was rapidly getting accustomed to; it was the movement of ennui, of someone who had already given up liking their job. He noticed it in people at his firm before they resigned. He saw it here now.

 “I mean, when we get paid,” he muttered, almost to himself.

 When they get paid? George wanted to ask him what he meant, to repeat himself, but he knew the touchy subject that was the salary of any job. Some people were forbidden to talk about it with anyone by contract, others pressured into not saying. In the silence that followed, the poor man’s stomach rumbled again, and George tapped the counter with a sudden resolution. The sound made Ben jump slightly, but it didn’t matter.

 “I’ll be right back,” George said to him, his hand dropping to land on the top of Ben’s wrist for only a moment before he retracted it. “I trust you four will behave while I’m gone?”

 “Mais oui,” Junior said with an offended smirk, brushing his flopping hair out of his face with the back of his paint-covered hand.

 Ben watched him go, the jingling of the bell punctuating his exit. Exit stage left, he thought with a sigh. If he wasn’t so tired, perhaps he’d give the man his number. It wouldn’t be a bad investment, based on the way he dropped his hand on Ben’s wrist. But Ben could tell by his Armani suit, in danger of paint splatter, and the careless way he moved around the shop in it, that a man of that caliber would not be interested in a man who wore the same cardigan to work every day because he hadn’t had the money to do laundry in three weeks.

 Still, he was handsome, and the low timbre of his voice was so soothing Ben found himself drifting off while he spoke. The way he used his whole name, Benjamin, and the way it fell from his lips sent a shiver through him far too indecent for his current setting.

 He regarded the children, painting away, with a faint smile. They really were a delight, painting quietly, not like the children he’d been dealing with all day. He had a child yank four different statues off the shelves and break them all without so much as a hint of remorse – his father hadn’t had much remorse either, come to think of it. He’d dealt with a mother who wanted her daughter to paint one of the little princess statues, but the little girl had insisted on a Batman logo. The resulting row had been almost too much for Ben, who was already dizzy from a lack of food and sleep.

 His boss had unexpectedly popped in only half an hour before to let him know that he was going to have to cover until they closed, and to remind him not to use his phone, because they could see from their security cameras when he did.

 He thought, momentarily, about giving the camera the finger.

 He wished he had brought himself something to eat for lunch; he had expected to be out of here by one in the afternoon, prime lunchtime, but once that had passed, and then two o’clock came around, he knew that his relief was doing what he often wished he could do, but refused to do. Shirking responsibility was almost impossible for Ben to do without waves of guilt crashing over him. He wished he could do it.

 The jingling bell caught him off-guard, and he realized he had been daydreaming again. George had returned, a devilish grin on his face that Ben rather liked; it sent a jolt of electricity through him, and a brown paper bag that smelled heavenly.

 He didn’t.

 “I didn’t know what you liked,” George confessed, placing the bag on the counter and reaching in. “I figured a club sandwich would be the most applicable, but I did tell them to put the avocado on the side, just in case.”

 The smell of the food made Ben’s stomach physically ache, but he restrained himself from devouring it. He lifted his gaze to George, who was staring at him hopefully, waiting to find out if he had done a good thing or overstepped his boundaries.

 “You – you brought me lunch?” was all he could think to say.

 “You’re starving,” George replied, reaching into the bag to take out a little Styrofoam container of macaroni salad, “and you’ve been here all day. You’re exhausted, probably because you’re hungry.”

 “You didn’t have to do that,” Ben answered quietly. God, had he been so pathetic that this man literally felt like he had to go out and buy him food? He wanted to hide behind the counter to cover his flaming cheeks, the warmth of his blush rising all the way to his ears. “Really, you shouldn’t have.”

 George faltered for a moment, his eyes falling to the food. “But – Benjamin, I wanted to.”

 “You don’t even know me,” Ben’s voice hardened a little, and George softened further. Ben could feel guilt in every inch of his body; it pained him, to know even the children were looking at him curiously now. He was so embarrassed; he wanted to bury his face in his hands, he almost did, too, but George shifted closer to him, and his proximity claimed his attention.

 “Look,” George dropped his voice, “This place is obviously taking advantage of your good nature, making you take over extra shifts with no break, having you run this whole shop. I know how they work – you work all day until your shift is over, no lunch break, no nothing. It’s not fair to you, and it’s not healthy.”

 “Mr. Washington –”

 “George, please –”

 “George, then. I appreciate it, I really do, but I could get in trouble for eating while you’re here.”

 George’s eyes twinkled mischievously, and he leaned away from Ben, but somehow closer to the camera that watched them both. “And what if I said that I would cease my yearly donation to this shop if you didn’t eat that sandwich? A donation that, mind you, Benjamin, keeps this shop’s doors open.”

 Ben’s mouth dropped open, snapping closed quickly at Marie’s giggle.

 “I – I suppose I would have to eat the sandwich then,” Ben stammered.

 “The macaroni salad, too,” George replied easily, charmingly. “It’s to die for.”

 He nudged the bag closer to him, and Ben peeked in just enough to see that the napkin at the bottom had a phone number scrawled onto it. He smiled, the grin morphing into a giddy laugh as George unwrapped the sandwich and pressed it into his hand.

[kitkatdana]

Random questions

1. Do you bite or lick ice cream? Now that I’m thinking about it... i don’t know

2. What is home to you? I don’t really have one.

3. What was the last lie you told? My mom told me to go to bed early because I need to sleep more and I said I would

4. Does everyone deserve the truth? Yes - I don’t know why I can’t deliver it though.

5. What is the creepiest toy ever made? idk?

6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation. Uhhhhhh

7. List two things that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn't mix them up.) I... don’t know.

8. When was the last time you worked really hard to achieve something? I worked really really really hard to be a drum major. Not many people really get what it takes to earn the position and to maintain it.

9. How many all nighters have you pulled? Maybe 1-2. I normally make myself go to bed by 3.

10. If humans didn't evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happiness instead? a good-old-fashioned thumbs up

11. How many romantic "things" or "flings" have you had? shhhhhhhhh

12. What is your paradise? honestly? being in the car alone. it’s the only space i have to myself, which is why i really really really hate how close i live to everything (which yes, is a very annoying thing for me to hate. i’m sorry).

13. What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) soft rain

14. How many hearts do you think you have broken? 0 i’m too ugly for that shit

15. What is the most important thing about electronics? What does this say about you? They keep us connected and keep us curious and informed about the world around us. This just says that I’ve heard way too many engineers talk about why they chose their field. 

16. Why do people care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities? Because they see themselves in them maybe? I don’t really (that’s not to say I haven’t before)

17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you? Act like nothing happened when they did/do something that I literally can’t stop thinking about for days (hahahahahahaha in this case months)

18. Do you overexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this? Yes. pros: i... don’t know. cons: i lie i guess in a way

19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments? I’ve played the clarinet for 6 years whoop-whoop

20. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? no i’m fucking ugly

21. List 3 things you like about yourself? literally nothing. i guess i’m an okay writer when i actually try but i don’t like sharing my personal writing with other people.

22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? to push myself do things that i didn’t think i could or had the guts to.

23. Do you have what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not? no... probably not. i’m way too easily distracted and easily get emotionally worn out

24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? i don’t. i just disassociate 

25. When was the last time you felt awkward? today when came home and had to tell my parents that i lost my wallet that had my id, car insurance card, and debit card in it :)))

26. Are you introverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both? introverted

27. What constitutes a good friend? they listen and know when to give you space

28. Would you rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend? one i guess idk

29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear? people fucking chewing that shit’s nasty

30. What is your dream job? an astronomer or an astronaut.

31. Is it better to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent? hardworking but unintelligent

32. What is a truth about yourself that others find hard to believe? some people don’t believe me when i tell them that i’m a dumbass

33. What have you always wondered about the other gender? idk

34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? idk

35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. this one girl... oh my god. she was very lowkey mentally abusive and didn’t like when i would hang out with other people and would even talk bad about me because of that? 

36. Imagine that you have switched bodies with someone you don't know. You can't switch back. What do you do? send them an apology letter for getting put into such a disgusting person’s body

37. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? burn it. can’t let that shit get in the wrong hands

38. What is the most important, applicable class you have ever taken? psychology in 9th grade was pretty cool. so was current events.

39. Name the last book you read. the great gatsby for the millionth time jesus

40. Imagine that you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world? just me personally? not much.

41. When was the last time you made the first move? literally never oops

42. What is your opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap? thanks i’m good

43. What was the last movie you watched? i haven’t sat down and watched a movie since i saw star wars in theaters in december

44. Do you like and appreciate your life? i appreciate aspects of it at times but i know that i personally have no purpose or significance.

45. Do you like and appreciate yourself? nope

46. When was the last time you cried? less than an hour ago

47. What are you scared of? heights; any fucking bug; snakes; rejection; debt; disappointing others

48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? live

49. What are some of your hobbies? playing the clarinet; crying; writing; photography

50. What is a superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make? idk what that means. i guess i’m really bad at remembering names? does that count?

51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend? i am a really bad friend bc i’m never there for people when they need me and always take shit too personally and let it effect my relationships

52. Do you honestly learn from your mistakes? yes

53. What have you learned the hard way? that not everything will just come to you - some things, you have to go out and get. don’t miss an opportunity to do something with someone you love. always say goodbye to those you love. never take someone’s appreciation of you for granted.

54. What is the most important thing to have in order to attain happiness? support

55. Which medium do you use for expressing your artistic emotions? (Singing, writing, etc.) writing and tbh this sounds so nerdy but playing my instrument i am able to add emotion to music to make it beautiful when i really want to try

56. Are you a creative or a logical thinker? logical

57. What is the smartest thing you have ever done? idk i guess my psat scores were ok

58. What is your ideal meal? a sandwich & some lemonade

59. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? insult you

60. Do you like animals? Which kind is your favorite? i like most animals. dogs.

61. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? open-carry

62. Do you have any guilty pleasures? idk. eating chocolate?

63. What is the best thing that the internet has ever created? the ability to share your writing and art

64. Do you like playing video games? Which video games? i guess every once in a while with my dad and brother i’ll play mario kart or something simple like that.

65. What is your opinion on beauty in today's society?

66. Are you a morning person? When do you usually wake up? sure - 7-7:30 (more around 9 over the summer)

67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? uh CARS!???? 

68. Would you rather live in the city or in the countryside? countryside - i prefer silence

69. Would you rather live near the ocean or in the mountains? mountains

70. What are the best things about winter? i can excuse staying in bed all day because it’s cold

71. What scares you most about the future? isolation and failure

72. What makes you feel old? watching movies from my childhood

73. How many hours do you spend on the computer or phone on average? idk i don’t keep track

74. What are some of your New Year's resolutions? to get over this feeling that’s been dragging me down for years

75. What is your life story in 6 words? the fuck i don’t know bitch

76. Describe yourself in one word. worthless

77. What bad habits do you do? i don’t eat for long periods of time and then eat really shitty food once i finally do; i sleep for only 3-6 hours a night; i take online quizzes and tags rather than writing history essays that are due the next day

78. What genre of music do you listen to? anything but country and metal

79. Most prominent childhood memory? my first dog dying

80. Imagine if you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If you don't, how would this change your life? idk he’d probably be mean and annoying and hate myself even more

81. Spirit animal? idk

82. Do you believe in horoscopes? not really but they’re fun

83. What is the worst advice you've ever been given? to smile

84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now. my dad, my friends, my crush, idk, there’s more than 3 i guess

85. Favorite memory of your family. we were in nyc on christmas eve at rockefeller center, about to go to dinner, and it started snowing. it was the most fucking magical and beautiful thing i’ve ever experienced, to be quite honest. idk why. but. it makes me nostalgic.

86. What do you look for in a relationship? mutual respect and love

87. Do you have a role model? Why or why not? yeah a few

88. What is your opinion on social media? i mean i use it a lot so i guess i like it.

i89. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? i’m pessimistic about most things but optimistic about dumb things

90. List some things that you think are overpriced? college; fresh food

91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? too many to count

92. What superpower would ruin the world? is immorality one

93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? procrastinate

94. What lessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they? about time taught me that love - whether it’s platonic or romantic - is important to express, and that you will regret not doing so as you grow older. it also taught me to not take life for granted (but it obviously hasn’t stuck) and that there is beauty in everyday things.

95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? antartica

96. How do you approach people? awkwardly

97. What is your opinion on first impressions? they’re important but you can recover if you try hard enough

98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do? idk

99. What languages can you speak? english

100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years? fucked up

101. What do you do on your lazy days? sleep and watch star wars

102. What ended your last relationship? shhhhhhh

103. Favorite food? don’t really have one

104. What is the most terrifying dream you've ever had? well i had a series of dreams for a few months where i would come out to my crush and they would literally run away or ignore me or tell me i was wrong

105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? today at myself for losing my wallet

106. What was the last friendship you broke? i can’t remember i’m really bad at keeping friends i’m a jerk

107. Do you have any pet peeves? loud chewing; talking loud right into my ear; idk; lots

108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to? my dad

109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed? right now

110. What part of your personality do you want to change? all of it

111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now? one of my pals

112. What is your biggest motivation? death

113. What did you want to be when you were little? astronaut

114. What are some things that you are good at? nothing

115. What is one thing you want to be good at? writing & doodling

116. What distracts you the most, especially when you're trying to work? social media and text messages

117. How important is privacy to you? very

118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be? idk this is a weird question

119. What's the craziest lie you've ever told? i can’t remember

120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties? i don’t go to parties i hate social shit

121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do? some of these questions are really weird.

122. What is the stupidest thing you've done to impress someone? lots of things

123. What is your morning routine? wake up, eat breakfast, brush teeth, change, make lunch, leave

124. What's the last thing you did that is worth remembering? idk

125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? hurt very badly

126. What is your opinion on playing "hard to get?" it’s really fucking annoying

127. What are the pros and cons of straightforward? pros: u get ur point across. cons: u may not get the outcome u’d like.

128. What do you consider "leading" someone on? do NOT get me started on this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

129. Are you the friendzoner or the friendzoned? hahahahahaha the friendzoned

130. What do you admire most about your friends? their beauty and intelligence

131. What do you admire most about your family? their lack of anxiety

132. What is your opinion on "going with the flow?" i wish i could say i was able to do that but nah

133. Do you enjoy talking or listening? both

134. When is it time to end a friendship? when it becomes emotionally draining, or you aren’t gaining any benefit from the conversations you have with them

135. What is the worst excuse you've ever come up with? idk

136. If GPA didn't matter, what courses would you have taken? yearbook x3809423

137. What are your favorite baby names? idk??

138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? this morning

139. What instantly ruins a conversation? memes

140. Biggest turn ons and turn on offs. idk i like it when people are kind and smile and make eye contact for a lil too long and don’t mind being close. i hate when people are rude and talk over someone else

141. Biggest disappointment. myself

142. Do you have any self-restraint? nah

143. When did you last do something outside of your comfort zone? idk

144. Prized possession(s)? letters from a pal and my haim/borns t-shirts

145. What is your opinion on second chances? i’m not sure

146. Text or call? i like calling some people - hearing their voice makes me feel warm or safe. other people i prefer texting because it gives me less anxiety and i can think about what i want to type out.

147. What do you like about the 21st century? that’s a weird question idk

148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? get some sleep, child

149. How organized are you? most of the time i’m organized but lately i’ve been a complete disaster

150. Favorite mode of transportation. my car

[tobiologist]

some place real

Hunk/Lance // canon compliant // stargazing // 1.5k // sfw

Summary: 'The stars you can see from here? This isn’t the same sky. The chirping sounds aren’t coming from crickets or cicadas either, and of course there aren’t any frogs. I can’t even imagine what the animals are like. I’ve only seen those weird cat-hedgehog creatures so far. And, Lance, this-“ he tugs at the ground- “this? It’s purple.’

or: Lance and Hunk have a mostly serious conversation about what “home” really means to them

Maybe Lance is too picky.

The grass beneath his fingers feels smooth, spindly wisps of violet bursting from the ground. The forest stretches out below the hillside and plumes of pink treetops stretch for miles. Animals of some sort chirp and hum, creating a backdrop much like cicadas and frogs on a summer night. A breeze ruffles the sleeves of Lance’s jacket.

And although every detail is familiar… it’s not the same.

>>READ THE REST ON AO3<<

Lance is content to sit here, under the stars. It’s always nice to see them from the ground rather than the inside of a ship. He likes it and wants, more than anything, for it to alleviate the homesickness sinking in his gut like a lead weight. But, no matter how many times he closes his eyes and tries to pretend, it doesn’t change a damn thing.

“Dude, was I right about the view from up here or what?” At his side, Hunk tugs Lance’s thoughts away from dangerous territory.

“Yeah,” Lance answers and immediately winces. Hunk has known him long enough to see through his bullshit. He puts on his most convincing smile and turns, “Yeah, it really is. I’m glad you brought me up here.”

Hunk hesitates and, for a horrifying second, Lance thinks he’s going to call him out. But he carries on, keeping his gaze focused overhead. “No problem. Pidge staked this spot out like the first night we were here, and now I can totally see why. It reminds me of… it kind of reminds me of back home.”

Lance flinches. There it is.

“Remember when we were younger and used to sneak out to the park? Because we didn’t want our moms to know we were out past curfew but wanted to look at the stars anyway? With your book about constellations?” Hunk’s tone is wistful, nostalgic. Lance remembers those nights all too well. “Man, I wish I still had that telescope. It was awesome.”

“Your dad took it with him,” Lance recalls. The thought of Hunk’s dad makes his skin crawl; he was never a big fan. “He took it when he left. Which made, like. Absolutely no sense. Why would a guy like him need that telescope?”

“Eh, it’s fine. He was a dick, that’s all there is to it. I guess he needed the money. And at least you had one, too.”

“True.” Lance drags out the u, glancing down at his feet. “Best birthday present ever. My older sister was- is a blessing.”

Our families are still alive. I shouldn’t be talking about them in the past tense like they’re not.

Hunk laughs, as if he doesn’t notice the misstep in Lance’s words, and shakes his head. The space around them goes silent. The lull in conversation isn’t awkward, though. Lance always enjoys his talks with Hunk for exactly this reason. Moments that should feel weird instead feel… comfortable. Natural. He supposes their relationship is just like that- as easy as breathing.

“This isn’t Earth,” Hunk mutters.

Lance chances a glance at Hunk. The uncharacteristic expression on his face twists Lance’s insides, coiling into painful knots. He expects Hunk to stop, but, surprisingly, he carries on.

“The stars you can see from here? This isn’t the same sky. The chirping sounds aren’t coming from crickets or cicadas either, and of course there aren’t any frogs. I can’t even imagine what the animals are like. I’ve only seen those weird cat-hedgehog creatures so far. And, Lance, this-“ he tugs at the ground- “this? It’s purple.”

Lance stares down into his lap.

“The grass is- it’s not green. It’s purple.” Hunk lets out another laugh, but this one comes out shaky, hollow. It isn’t like Hunk.

Without hesitation, Lance rests his hand over Hunk’s, lying between them. Lance curls his fingers and marvels at how warm the point of contact is. Hunk has always seemed warm to him. His personality, his sense of humor- it’s what made him so special. Lance still can’t believe he managed to befriend someone as genuinely kind and smart as Hunk.

Hunk scoffs. “You’re pretty smart, too. You know that, dude, you have to.”

Oh God. Had he really just- Awesome. Good job, Lance. He’d spoken out loud. Leave it to his own mouth to betray him like that. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Um, I- thanks, buddy,” Lance mutters, suddenly self-conscious.

“Actually… this is going to sound super cheesy. And I’m worried you’ll make fun of me so, uh. Can you please promise me you won’t laugh?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.” Lance pauses. “Wow, okay, maybe not die. That can actually happen now, what with the whole ‘fighting aliens from inside giant space lions’ thing. Cross my heart and hope to… lose to Keith! Yeah, that works.”

Hunk chuckles, and Lance can’t help but smile. That’s more like it. That’s a real Hunk laugh. I did that.

I made him laugh like that.

“Alright, alright, fine. I trust you.” Hunk takes a deep breath. Lance glances over and marvels at the light flush dusting Hunk’s cheeks. He can’t remember the last time he’s seen Hunk blush. “Anyway, I’ve been thinking about this for a while. You know I don’t usually get homesick, right?”

“Yeah, not as much as you used to. Proud of you, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Hunk says and Lance can almost swear his cheeks get pinker. “But I think I figured out why I’ve been improving.”

“Ah, yes. Better food? Eating green goo for every meal would make anyone long for the sweet release of death. Especially when you compare that gloppy stuff to your mom’s cooking…”

“Lance.”

“Oh, oh, wait! I’ve got it! Helping me tease Keith? I was so glad when you joined in. My list of ‘mullet’ and ‘samurai’ nicknames wouldn’t even be half as long without your he-“

“Lance, seriously,” Hunk warns.

“I’m just kidding, geez. Alright, what is it?”

Hunk looks torn between explaining himself and dropping the issue. Lance feels about two inches tall, thinking he’s the reason Hunk would shy away from a serious answer. Is he really that scared to tell me? They’ve known each for years; if there’s anyone Hunk can be honest with, it’s Lance.

“You,” Hunk eventually finishes, voice barely more than a whisper.

Everything goes quiet. One single word, that’s all it takes. It hangs there, charged and full of hesitance, and Lance has trouble processing Hunk’s response at first. He and Hunk are friends, sure, and best friends at that. But…

Lance has never really felt special. The way Hunk explains it, straightforward, with red-tinged cheeks. It’s hard to grasp the concept. The reason Hunk doesn’t get homesick… is Lance?

“Me,” Lance repeats uncertainly.

“I mean… yeah.”

“Huh.”

“Other than Pidge, you’re the only person I knew well before getting sucked into this whole mess,” Hunk rushes to explain. “But I’ve known you since we were little, you know? We lived on the same street, went to the same school- we even applied to the Garrison together!”

Lance smirks. The application for that damn academy took hours to complete- days, even. But filling everything out with someone there to suffer along with him… it sucked a little less. When it came time for interviews and dorm selections, it sucked a lot less.

“I didn’t want to make things weird between us but- I had to tell you. It was eating me up inside, dude.” For the first time since he started speaking, Hunk meets Lance’s gaze. His softened features, even in this context, catch Lance off guard. “You remind me of being back home.”

Home.

Lance chokes back the dying animal noise threatening to creep up his throat. Because Hunk is right-  he’s totally right. When Lance is around Hunk, he’s reminded of visits to the playground, agonizingly long study sessions, weekly movie nights. The realization hits Lance like a fucking bullet train.

Hunk is his closest tie to Earth.

“Same,” Lance blurts. Instinct takes over, and Lance finds himself sliding closer to Hunk, slipping his arm around Hunk’s waist. He’s so warm. End me now. “Same, buddy.”

Initially, Hunk stiffens. But after a few seconds, once he seems to realize Lance isn’t messing around, he relaxes against his side.

“You didn't… laugh. Lance McClain-Sanchez managed to have a serious conversation with me about feelings-”

“Hey now! I can talk about my feelings just fine.”

“Sure you can,” Hunk teases.

“It’s one of my many charms.”

“…you’re unbelievable.”

“Aw, c’mon now. You know you love me,” Lance trills, brimming with self-satisfaction.

A beat.

“Mmm…”

The sound rumbles in Hunk’s chest. Lance feels it in his bones. He doesn’t miss the significant pause between responses. Hunk couldn’t possibly… But that’s a matter for another day. They could sort that out later.

Overhead, the stars continue to glint and shine. Their patterns, unlike those visible from Earth, would normally frustrate Lance. The purple blades of grass tickle any exposed slivers of skin on Lance’s body, occasionally eliciting little shivers that have him pulling Hunk closer. Bizarre creatures continue their chatter. The spindly branches of the trees below sway in the wind.

No, it isn’t Earth. But having a little piece of home with Lance everywhere he goes certainly helps.

[standardstate-blog]

Still can't believe what I witnessed, but it was real.

It's been a couple of weeks now and I still can't wrap my head around what I witnessed. I went to interview for a system architect job at a place closer to home, much closer. I don't know for the rest of you, but in the Montreal area, tech jobs are almost 95% on the island but pretty much all the people working those jobs live outside the island, north or south. This is my case. I have to commute anywhere between 2 to 3 hours 5 times a week. When I say an opening about 5 kilometres from my home (about 3 miles I guess) I went nuts and submitted my application right away.  A couple of days go by and then I receive a phone call from that very place saying they want to schedule a 2 hour interview at the end of the following day. I said yes.

Obviously I discussed the whole matter with my wife beforehand, she's the one in charge of social engineering in our household! It would make a lot of sense for me to work much closer to home, for reasons that, if you have kids, I don't even need to explain. She also did some digging on her end to see what I would potentially be stepping into not 24 hours later. What she found was simply staggering. That place had accumulated award after award for being the best employer and the best place to work at for the last decade or so. They also had a 4 year (yes, you read that right, YEARS) run with 0% turnover. No resignations, only retirements. I had never heard of this place before, what the hell ? Everywhere someone was talking about that place, it was only praises and compliments.

I was thrilled to make their acquaintance and couldn't wait to the next day.

So the day after came and sure enough I got to their place of business, not a stone's throw from my house. I step in and get greeted by the nicest lady ever. She brought me water and made conversation while I waited for the director of operations to come and meet me. A tall guy in his early fifties I guess greets me with a big smile and tells me we'll start with a tour of the premises. Begins the jaw dropping experience.

So on the basement level, they have a gymnasium, like an actual gymnasium where you can play basketball, volleyball and badminton. Like we had in high school. He informs me that the employees have access to all the installations 24/7 for themselves and their families, including the other ones we have yet to visit. We continue on to what they refer to as the "bistro" and it's exactly that, a bistro with a bar, a giant screen for watching sports (they organise watch parties for the Super Bowl and World Cup), a pool table and a babyfoot table. There are lots of tables and chairs and a special poker table where they have tournaments every other Thursday. Right next to the pinball machines is an actual kitchen, with a stove and all that you would have at home like a big fridge, cupboards, cutlery, flatware, etc ...

Next, to the other level, skipping the main floor (where I presume most of the dev takes place) to the second floor. There is a complete, and I do mean complete gym, with weights, machines, stationary bikes, treadmills and a golf swing analyser station thing ( I don't know golf but with a couple of computers and cameras, that thing looked hi tech enough).  There is a physical trainer onsite during business hours. That person is an employee and her job is to encourage not only using the gym but also provides dieting advice and creates training plans. All included for all employees. On Fridays, there is a physiotherapist and a massage therapist, you know, to start the weekend on the right foot .. (sarcasm here ..). Again, all provided free of charge to all employees.

Alright, now that we left the second floor, back to the main floor, where the actual dev work gets done. We are in the second cafeteria with a magnificent view of the woods in the back. Apparently they spot deer and foxes every now and then. I then learn that they have season tickets for the Montreal Canadiens, the Alouettes (canadian football) and the Impact of the MLS. They give those away to the staff for every game with some kind of lottery. The objective here is that most who want to can to see a hockey game at least once per season. They had their old seats from the Forum on display close to the main entrance.

The bonus system was, for lack of a better word, completely nuts. Pretty much anything that is positive ends up being accounted for in the bonuses. You buy an electric car, bonus ! You get back to the gym after a couple of weeks of not going, bonus ! You have an idea for the social club, bonus ! And if that's not nutty enough, the amount that is put in the bonus pot so to speak gets distributed among all the personnel, no individual bonuses to keep every body motivated. I can hear you : "But Fred, can it get any more insane than that ? ". You bet your balls to a barn dance it can ! Check this out, they issue bonuses 4 times a year !! I haven't seen the colour of a bonus in the last decade, nor have 90% of my colleagues and friends.

But, where is the catch ? There is always a catch.

Damn right there is a catch, a massive one. And at the worst place possible, their tech.

To say their tech was medieval would be insulting to medieval tech. Good lord, they were at least 10 or even 15 years behind on some parts of their system. When they started talking about their applications and architecture, I heard expressions I haven't heard in years and years. Stuff like 'generated pages’, ‘content tables’ and ‘the server produces the html pages’. Nostalgic yet ? Their mobile application wasn’t epic either but they seemed to be on the right track because they were well aware it wasn’t. It looked like the apps on a 10 year old Blackberry Curve.

Long story short, it wasn’t looking very good for a guy that lives in 2019 and owns a colour television ...

The question that needs to be answered is this one : "How can a software company survive and make money using stuff that is about 20 years old ??". Simple : HR software. And I guess that is a good thing. Usually, the big place that require such complex, and critical software isn't interested in having to manage it so much. As long as it gets the job done and the HR people are happy with it, everything is fine. And that makes total sense. Once you have a stable version of all the calculations for the income tax in conjunction with the vacations, benefits, bonuses and 10 000 other things that need to be taken into consideration, you're not touching that code again unless you absolutely have to. I hadn't realized before speaking to those people how incredibly complicated and vast the whole HR software sphere actually is. There are so much conditions, exceptions, laws, territories and the list goes on. Plus the HR software is not something you change overnight like an email client or a browser. It is very much integrated with other systems and services and can't simply pulled out without a heavy price being paid. So if it's ugly, so be it. At least it works and does not make mistakes on employee statements. Reliability is key here.

They were talking about evolution and updating the stack, but it was more like terraforming over many years instead of a couple of months or maybe two years. And I get that, staff must be trained plus the decisions that would be taken now still need to make sense 20 years or so from now. Not a trivial task in any sense.

That all makes sense and good for them honestly. I am not coding on that, ever. So I am thankful some people want to take on that challenge. Just goes to show that coders, like any other type of person, are all different in many ways. And it's good to show the other 99.5% of places that you can actually get a lot done if you put your staff at the center of all you do. It's not a waste of time or money, on the contrary. You get so much back on your investment, it's insane! These people are more dedicated than pretty much anybody I came across between there and my home. Granted in this example, not my kind of place. But that does not invalidate the incredible things that get accomplished here from a human standpoint. A great example to follow, especially in software.

[cielb]

and for more bs. wooo. “I think we should all just relax and laugh at how most of Peterson's critics don't get him. “ yes, he snakes out of answering questions in a straight forward way all the time, while in his own book bitching about people doing this. for instance, you can see how he responds when asked if he literally believes the bible, or what he believes “truth,” is. “Jordan Peterson is a clinical psychologist. End of story.” yeah, a clinical psychologist who divulges the personal account of his own fucking patient and slut shames her for allegedly getting raped multiple times.  “He also happens to be erudite in expressing his observations of the human condition to an audience. That does not a political demogogue make. “ but....there’s got to be a but. “But, it seems the average Peterson critic is so ensnared in their politically correct critical social theory narrative that they are incapable of a fair and balanced appraisal.” oh that’s, i see. so lobster boy is an erudite psychologist and his detractors are just snowflakes, okay. “They malign his character simply for his addressing the psychological damage caused by the far left’s political correct thought police and their misguided application of neo-marxist critical social theory” conservatives: SJWS need to stop using buzzwords like “patriarchy,” or “microaggressions,”  also conservatives: anything i disagree with is “neo-marxism/ cultural marxism,” and i won’t explain exactly what that is but is has to do with bossing people around and creating a new order that is unnatural, i guess? thus any criticism by feminists or lgbt rights activists means they’re marxists who want to controllll you not that they want equal rights.  “...to undermine the rights and responsibilities of the individual. Peterson is castigated by these people for identifying the cause and correction of the current widespread psychological damage these people are causing.

Since those who are at the polarized extremes of the political spectrum are mostly incapable of impartial observation,” ah, the good old, us centrists are the more reasonable ones....even though your idea of what the “center,” is are defined relative to whatever culture you happened to be sharted out of and thus assuming moderation is inherently rational is just intellectually lazy. oh, also, yay. nice job blaming minorities, the poor, disabled, and le gays/trans for their problems. great class analysis there. very clever. if we point out obvious disparities in wealth, police brutality, poorer k-12 education, homelessness caused by unaccepting parents, landlord bullshit, etc. that shows discrimination, we’re radical neo-marxists. we’re just feeding a victim mentality. if you just had a better attitude, you wouldn’t be fucking poor, silly! fuckity fuck fuckkkk.  “we should be prepared for quite a bit more Peterson name-calling and character assassination.” he himself has a martyr complex. he’s a white, heterosexual man with a fucking Ph.D., but he has to somehow be a martyr. if that is by defending traditional values with weird pseudointellectual postmodern word salad, and then getting booed by college lefties, than so be it.  like, it’s apparent he has a martyr complex and the fact he is Christain cements it you can see how christians in the u.s. act like they’re persecuted when it’s so obvious they aren’t. ugh.  “We should just laugh at it because all they are really doing is showing how disconnected from humanity they actually are.” you know who’s disconnected from humanity? or at least, female humanity? Jordan B. Peterson. Because he spent so much time talking about a female patient who he paints as having a tumultuous childhood due to being neglected by her father, that in his Freud-esque long debunked psychobabble, he goes on about how that’s the reason she gets drunk and whores around in bars and she was asking for it. Keep in mind this is how he talks in a book he fucking publishes, about a woman who comes to talk to him about how she might have been raped.  THAT is disconnection from humanity.  “In spite of their missionary zeal for social justice through name-calling and character assassination, their observations are mischaracterizations.” The Amazing Atheist and The Bible Reloaded both do great work taking apart his book line by line. TJ Kirk is far from a fucking sjw given he spent years lambasting feminists on youtube, but yeah okay.  “ They are incapable of appraising Peterson fairly. They haven’t cleaned up their own psyches before telling others what to do.” it’s funny because Peterson and other snakes like him will constantly talk about how myopically controlling leftists are, and given the rise of SJWs and political correctness, there’s criticism to be made. but their insistence on traditional gender roles and all this other homophobic bullshit undermines all that criticism because how can you talk about how evillll and controlling the feminazis are when you are nostalgic for a time when men had more power and thus more self worth and how can you bemoan everything is falling to chaos while simultaneously saying leftists are so controlling?  it’s just so hypocritical.  “They will continue to parade their war for social justice while spinning adolescent caricatures of those they fail to understand, and that includes themselves. They don't really understand themselves and that's why they are having such a hard time with Peterson.” to be fair, you have to have a high iq to understand why femininity is chaos. you know....even though it’s mostly white far right young men doing all the domestic terrorism yeah okay the real problem is women and gays have too many rights and i won’t say it aloud cause that’s bigoted but i will dogwhistle the fuck out of it and frame a narrative where that must be the conclusion and then if anyone points it out i will cry victim and my fans will talk about lefties fear mongering.  k bye.