#Best ironing boar

[minhosimthings]

A La Folie ft. Jay

Synopsis: Wounds came and went. All in the circle of life am I right? The greatest warrior among all the kings, Park Jay. For him, seeing blood was like seeing the sky. It was a daily routine which he could not escape. Yes sometimes he had grave injuries, which he wouldn't stop to take care of, with him being a workaholic. But sometimes healers do more than heal physical wounds, and for Jay, you did exactly that.

Pairings: King!Jay × healer!fem!reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, no smut (yet hehe), mentions of blood, violence, domestic abuse, mentions of cheating, mistresses (don't read it if you can't handle it), mentions of food, Jay has a REALLY tragic past sorry bout that, reader is an orphan, also this is really dramatic IM SORRY I CANT NOT WRITE DRAMA, open ending oohh

A/N: EYYY MR JAY PARK WOOHOO Ngl I was so excited to write this but the exams and all made this kinda difficult to write so if anyone has been waiting for this I'm sorry for the extremely long wait. Also yes this wil be in three parts yay. @yunabi436 this is for you baby 😽

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

The French Quotes Series Masterlist

"And from Aphrodite's rotten lovesick blood did the white flowers turn into a darker shade of red, eternally forming the flower of love."

Aphrodite and the hunter Adonis' tale had been one of boars, blood, lust and love.

For the young king of the iron-kingdom of Vadronia (rightly given its moniker), the only thing he cared about in all of those four things were the boars and the blood.

Jay Park's kingdom wasn't the strongest in all of Paradoxica just in a penny's wish and a flick of a tail feather. It was quote unquote 'molten from iron itself' as all its rulers were.

From all of his brothers, Jay was probably the one who took his duties as a warrior seriously.

Well, a bit too seriously, according to the said brothers.

"Jay would you please stop running so fast?" Sunghoon panted, putting his hands on his knees and breathing heavily as beads of sweat dripped from his hair and skin.

The mud track was always the hardest one to trench upon, and with Jay on your trail? It was hell. Atleast that's what Jake and Sunghoon described it as.

"Are you going to be saying that when you're running from enemy horses?" Jay turned back and glared at Sunghoon, the light autumn breeze giving him peace as it whipped his hair around.

"For God's sake Jay, no one is going to invade us now." Heeseung walked into the scene, with much less sweatier clothes and an arrow clutched in his hand, indicating he had come back from his target practice, "Give the poor guys a break."

"Yes please give us a break I'll go down on my knees." Jake was close to collapsing on the floor, his hand desperately clutching onto the nearby flag pole for support.

"You'd go down on your knees for your best friend." Jay scoffed, throwing his head back to shake the sweat out of his hair follicles, because as glorious as they were, the stray strands still annoyed him, "And you." He turned towards Heeseung, who, even though was much taller than Jay, now looked like a dwarf in front of Jay's broad figure, "How many times do I have to remind you to come for practice?"

"It's not my fault." Heeseung jut out his bottom lip, he always loved acting cute in front of Jay even if he was older, "Little princess back at home has been spying on me. And not gonna lie, I am extremely aroused."

"Why did I even ask?" Jay rolled his eyes and stretched out his arms, the bright burning sun reflecting in his eyes like the moonshine he loved so much, which he drank by the fireplace as he penned down poetry he could show to no one.

"So Jayyyy" Sunghoon dragged his words out, "Felt any sparks lately?"

"Ask that question again and you'll be running twenty laps round this track." Jay promptly replied, cleaning his face with the lavender-smelling towel the nearby servant handed to him. He always loved the lavender scented things, it reminded him of the springs with his mother, oh how she would tease him with tiny flowers in his hair, and the clink of her ruby created dagger in her belt. The dagger lay soulless now, sitting in a secretive place in Jay's room, as he stared at it and remembered that moment again and again. His bastard father, no matter how many times Jay had cursed him, he still couldn't get it out of his mind.

His mother, his compassionate, kind mother, didn't deserve to bleed out from his father's turn of blade.

And no matter how many potions he took, the smell of the blood filled ballroom still lingered in his nose at night, when he would jolt awake in cold sweat, wanting to cling onto his mother, but then he'd remember that he wasn't eight anymore, she was gone.

"Jay you're my brother and I really respect you a lot." Heeseung started, sitting Jay down on the oak bench, while Jake and Sunghoon quietly sneaked out, running for their lives back to their horses, "But you've got to find someone to love in your life, you've got to get over your fear."

"Weren't you the one who was complaining about love to Jake and I a few days ago?" Jay raised a magnificently trimmed brow, to which Heeseung chuckled.

"Yep but then I fell into that rabbit hole and I seem to like it, a bit too much perhaps." Heeseung stared into the distance, instantly losing his dramatic moment as the setting sun hit his pupils.

"Yeah, someday when I'm older maybe." Jay fiddled with his fingers, he never could keep them still, "But for now, I wanted to ask if you'd want to come with me on a hunt tomorrow?"

"A hunt?" Heeseung quizzed, lifting himself with much difficulty off of the bench, bow in hand, "You haven't invited me to a hunt in ages."

"Necessity is the mother of invention." Jay got up as well, scented towel still in hand, "And in this case it's that wild boar our men have been hunting since last month, been terrorizing the border between Tarnow and Vadronia now. I'm surprised you haven't noticed yet."

"Consider me blinded by love." Heeseung threw a flirtatious wink at Jay, who visibly gagged, "I'll be there."

"I'll be waiting."

"No no no, Jay, we, under no circumstances, apply essence of Hibiscus to a water snake's venom." A lady with greying hair sighed, bending over a wooden cup, while a sturdy, black haired man gulped heavily and stared nervously at the herbs in his hand.

Jay was never very successful in his healing classes, and under the strict gaze of his teacher, old Mrs.Chun, he was far away from catching the train of success.

"I don't get it." Jay frowned like a child, setting the hibiscus flower down on the table filled with healing equipments of all kind, "Wasn't the essence of Hibiscus supposed to combat this snake's venom?"

The old lady sighed again and rolled her eyes, snatching the hibiscus from the table and setting it into a basket full of the bright red flowers. With her other hand, she picked up a wicker work basket of lavender and lifted it up to Jay.

"Lavender. I said lavender remember?" She smiled up at Jay like an encouraging teacher, "Lavender for the wounds which make a man turn purple, and hibiscus for the blood drops."

Jay mumbled the rule under his mouth before pressing the lavender petals to the venom splanched across the bown om front of him. The purplish colour immediately turned a healing shade of dark yellow, satisfying Jay and letting out a sigh of relief from the old lady.

"Just some more practice and patience and you'll be a good healer in no time." Mrs. Chun patted Jay's arm sympathetically.

"But why do I even need to be a healer?" Jay asked curiously, putting the box of potions up on the shelf where they belonged, "I'm already a warrior."

"Every great warrior needs to know how to tend to his own wounds." The old lady smiled, looking curiously at a green flask, "I made a vow to your mother to never let you fail in this subject."

Jay smiled fondly at the thought of his mother spending her hours in the infirmary along with Mrs. Chun. Mrs. Chun herself was like his mother figure, providing him the hugs his 14 year old self needed so bad years ago.

"And remember Jay!" Mrs. Chun called out just as Jay was about to leave the room, "I won't be here for the entirety of next month."

"But then who's going to look after the infirmary?" Jay turned back and raised a quizzical brow at Mrs.Chun, who smiled gently.

"My apprentice will." She promptly replied, "She's a nice girl, I told her all about your predicament of failing at healing." Jay let out a chuckle at Mrs.Chun's joke, "She'll take your classes alright?"

"Don't miss me too much Mrs.Chun!" Jay laughed, "I'm your favourite remember?"

Mrs.Chun laughed heartily to herself. Oh that boy, she thought, still a bit at heart even if he was a man to the world.

Only a bit of love perhaps, can truly lead him to show this side of him to the world.

Jay sighed heavily as he plopped down on his armchair, the most comfortable one by the fire.

Love, he scoffed, what a stupid, dangerous thing.

He believed his father to love his mother, he believed his mother to love his father even as he went out every night to quote unquote 'find himself'. Mistresses were awful buisness, and no Queen had ever objected her king having one. But of course, his mother had to object, she had to be different. She had to storm in to her husband and his lover and confront them. And his father, fire-filled man he was, had to strike a blade through her belly, making her bleed out in 14 year old Jay's arms.

And of course, Jay, blinded by his rage, had to strike his father back, skilled as his father was, Jay was more fleet footed, and in the blink of an eye, his father and his father's new toy were lying in cold blood on the floor, as Jay sobbed, clutching his mother's body, dead as a fish out of the ocean.

And his brothers had noticed, they had always noticed how Jay was never the same from that day. From the happy boy who loved to write stories and poetry and who hated to even step foot in the training yard, Jay became the mercenary king, ready with his sword clutched in hand, and his poems long forgotten to silence and withering darkness.

But it wasn't to say that Jay was a ruthless ruler, he chose not to take that path, especially not after half the kingdom starved under the rule of his father. It wouldn't have been a lie to say he was the kindest one in all of Paradoxica, except he didn't really show it in the way he spoke or acted, but by the way he controlled the administration and whatnot of the kingdom. This kept his busy, seldom leaving time for any other activities, much to the disappointment of his brothers, especially Heeseung, who had always been the closest to him, who had known what he was truly like, deep inside.

Clutching his eagle feather quill, one of his most dearest ones, Jay dipped the tip into his ink pot, letting the excess ink dry off before pressing it to his leather bound diary.

When he wrote the feelings he couldn't ever say out loud onto the softwood paper, Jay felt a sort of contentment, he had always been a clandestine philophile, so to write his proses on the idea of love, death and misery, was to create a beautiful choreography on his mindset.

Alas, if there was only someone he could show them to, someone who would understand what Jay meant in the lines, even with his messy loopy calligraphy, that would have been a dream truly come true.

But how could a man who wrote poems to challenge the angels of love themselves, ever find love?

But I am a mere narrator, what would I know?

And sometimes, just sometimes, Cupid lurked in the ballrooms of dancing princes and in the dark inkpots of oxymoronic kings.

"I have no idea what's happening, but I'm happy to be here." Sunghoon's beautiful Clydesdale horse pranced around on the grass, as energetic and as similar a persona as her owner.

"Would you tell her to calm down?" Heeseung's own chestnut's hooves guided him towards Sunghoon, "She needs the energy for the hunt." Heeseung easily managed to calm the mare down by scratching behind her eyes, to which Sunghoon drooped since he had been enjoying the prancing around a bit too much.

"Why are we going on a hunt again?" Jake adjusted his saddle, making sure he was buckled in properly to his Fox Trotter horse, "Aren't we above killing animals now?"

"Your best friend tell you that?" The clip clopping of Jay's magnificent Dutch Warmblood sent all of the soldiers to silence, "And if the animal is a wild boar, no we aren't above that."

"Whatever you say, oh great King." Sunghoon snickered, as he did a sort of bow on his horse, making everyone laugh.

"Oh shut up." Jay rolled his eyes, clutching onto his horse's hair, and leaning into his usual stance, "Come on now, don't want to keep a beauty waiting do we?" And with the mighty neigh of his horse, he rode off into the forest, followed by Heeseung, Jake and Sunghoon, who followed with dramatic sighs.

"Sometimes I wonder if he just wants to live in an adventure book and say cringey lines all the time." Sunghoon jested, making the others laugh.

"Where on earth is Sunoo?" Jay shouted out, completely ignoring the statement made about him, as the rest of the three managed to catch up to his horse's pace.

"Probably tending to his vineyard." The wind whipped Jake's hair around, "God knows if he'd ever accept coming to a hunt with us."

"Maybe a grape hunt-"

"Shh!"

Jay's action of stopping his horse, and shushing everyone startled the others, and as the clopping of hooves quietened down, they understood why Jay had stopped so abruptly.

The rustling of the nearby begonia bushes, combined with the noises of an animal which sounded extremely similar to a wild boar, alerted them, as they drew out their swords, daggers and metal tipped arrows, all from treasure chest of Vadronia's amazing metalwork, aiming them at the begonia bushes, as Jay held up his closed fist to give the command.

"Come on out." Jay whispered to no one in particular but himself, as the begonia bushes began shaking more rapidly and the sounds of an animal's footsteps came nearer.

"Hey maybe we should-" Heeseung bagan quietly to Jay, but was interrupted by the ripping of the begonias into shreds.

And there it was, what Jay had been waiting for.

A big wild boar in its full magnificence.

Ivory tusks in full gleam, swathes of brown fur all over its damaged skin, with wounds from previous hints. A ture display of its strength, Jay thought, it wanted to intimidate them, as if to say 'see how many people haven't defeated me yet, why do you think you stand a chance?'.

"Steady now, Lady." Jay patted his horse, which was ever so graciously named Lady, although the mare's personality in battle was far away from a lady's. Jay always preferred mares to horses, he though they were more faster and agile, while horses used their brute strength. And he had a hatred from brute strength. It was what got her killed after all.....

"Jake look out!" Heeseung cried out, snapping Jay out of his daze of staring into the boar's eyes. Of all the animals of the world, he hated this one the most, he hated the way his father loved to hunt them, and how he'd come home from hunts everyday drenched in blood with a boar skull im his hands, from which his mother would recoil from, what with her hatred of the smell of iron.

Hatred, that's all that was there in Jay's life. And that's all there will be.

"Jay, we have to get back come on!" Sunghoon cried, his horse already galloping away. The boar was far too big for them to contain. "Jay?" Heeseung peered back, "Jay no!"

But the sturdy built man's ears heeded no warning as he stepped along to the boar, his sword clutched tightly in hand, the carving of his name in the metal shining bright, as if to warn the spirit of the forest that he has arrived.

"Hyung what's happe-" Jake and Sunghoon's horses had turned back to see why the eldest wasn't coming, only to see Jay stabbing at the boar, while Heeseung tried to get Lady, who was close to prancing away into the depths of the forest.

"Help me would ya!" Heeseung cried, flinging his rope around Lady's magnificent neck, to which Sunghoon and Jake came quick and flung their own ropes, "One of you help Jay!"

"I'll go!" Sunghoon's horse galloped towards Jay, but to his shock, he saw that the boar was already lying, its movements still, and Jay standing drenched in blood.

It was dead.

Jay's sword was decorated with ribbons of maroon.

"Jay what the..." Sunghoon began, but he could find no words. The boar had been big, two times the size and strength of any ordinary man, and now it was kneeling at Jay's command, kneeling dead and cold as a fish.

"It's dead." Jay growled, his breathing too heavy, and his hand clutching a particularly dark spot on his stomach, as Heeseung and Jake came to the scene, having calmed Lady down, "The tusk...."

"The tusk? What about the- Jay!" Heeseung cried, before jumping off his horse and quickly moving towards Jay's graceful falling figure.

The last thing Jay felt was the feeling of wet grass underneath his head, Heeseung's hand over his wrist, and the familiar scent of feminine lavender pressing over him before everything went dark as he had always wished for it to be.

Jay never cared much about his injuries. No matter how big or small they were, no matter if it was a paper cut to the thumb or an arrow head to the shoulder, he would simply say "Injuries happen, it's a part of life" and move on. Which proved to be a source of annoyance for his brothers, especially Jake, who had an eye for healing.

But Jay was a firm believer in the notion that twenty four hours a day simply wasn't enough. He wanted more, he craved for more, more time, more work. Although he wouldn't admit it, everyone was in unison with the fact that he was Paradoxica's biggest workaholic.

And when it came back to the topic of injuries, Jay would still keep working, whether or not he was stuck in bed, because Heeseung had forced him to stay there.

Heeseung remembered Jay's younger days. How Jay would whine and do nothing if he got even the tiniest splinter in his finger. How he would beg for a day off from studies if he merely stubbed his tie against the kitchen ladder while sneaking out to steal pastries. But the horrible incident had changed every aspect of Jay, and now, he wouldn't stop working if every limb in his body was broken.

"All for the good of the people" he reasoned.

Usually Mrs.Chun had taken care of him, scolded him too many times about taking rests whenever he'd come back from battles or fights with blood flowing out his nose. But even then he didn't care. So the vision of waking up to Mrs.Chun's berry scent was a norm for him whenever he'd get injured.

But now, the room wasn't berry scented, and nor was Mrs. Chun sitting in the corner, waiting for him to wake up.

A girl?

A girl, wearing Mrs.Chun's apron, had her head rested against his table, her eyes fluttered close.

Were his eyes tricking him or did Mrs.Chun suddenly become thirty years younger?

Feeling something heavy on his waist, Jay tried to lift his head from his pillow, letting out a guttural groan as he did. God what was hurting him so much? He could feel something hurting at his stomach.

"Your Majesty, lie back down." He heard someone say, and as he opened his eyes, he saw the girl bending over him, forcing him to lie back down on the bed.

Jay stared at her for a few moments, trying to remember who she is before the candle went off in his mind.

The apprentice.

You were Mrs.Chun's apprentice.

"Are you Mrs.Chun's apprentice?" Jay groaned, feeling his head throb and his fingers were aching too.

You nodded promptly, before pushing Jay gently back onto the bed as he tried to get back.

"I'm sorry to inform you, Your Majesty, but you aren't getting up for another two weeks. You were stabbed by a wild boar's tusk." You stated firmly, shocking Jay at how casually you had addressed him, "His Highness Heeseung told me to handcuff you to the bed if you even try to move."

"Handcuff me?" Jay chuckled, moving his body slightly to lessen the pressure on his legs, "Where are you even going to get-"

Jay's sentence was cut off abruptly as your hands pulled out a pair of heavy metal from a secret pocket in the olive green dress you were wearing, and held it in front of Jay, effectively silencing him.

"I'm sorry if that was rude, but you are my patient, Your Majesty.." Your mouth let out a chuckle, sending a weird sensation into Jay's stomach, which he had never felt before, "So, I will do anything and everything in order to make you rest."

"So what may I address you by, My lady?" Jay quizzed you, his head now no longer throbbing for some reason. He studied your features for a while, he thought your eyes were pretty, decorated by a thin lining of kohl. Your figure was pretty too, wrapped in the striking colour of the dress you were in, combined with the beautifully familiar way you wore your hair.

"Definetly not by 'My lady'." You chuckled, picking up your dress, and sinking into a curtsy, "Y/N, you may call me Y/N, Your Majesty."

"Pretty name." Jay complemented, watching you stand up straight from your curtsy and smile impishly at him.

"You've got to take your medicine now." You reached into your apron's pocket and pulled a big vial, which was filled with a bubbling, golden liquid, "Now, according to Mrs.Chun, tricks by pretty people often work on you."

"Pretty people?" Jay scoffed childishly, thinking about whether or not he thought Heeseung was pretty, as you measured out the liquid into a cup, "Mrs.Chun needs to have a check for up there. And do you really think you're pretty?"

You strode towards him with the cup in your hand, and smiled widely. "Well, pardon me Your Majesty, but from the way you were staring at me five minutes ago, yes. I do think I'm pretty."

"Don't get your ego up." Jay warned, taking the cup from you, letting his mind linger for a few minutes on how your delicate fingers brushed his scarred ones softly, "Your parents mus'nt have taught you manners did they?"

"Well, firstly, I don't have parents." You smiled, "And secondly I need to check your bandages, they seem to be bleeding again."

So that was what the pain radiating from his stomach was, Jay thought, as he looked down to see his bandages streaked a darker shade of red. He quickly gulped down the golden liquid in the cup, a visibly disgusted expression forming on his face at how bitter it was, and looked up at you, with widened eyes.

"So...?" He said, expectantly, seeing you fumble with some clean cloth, another vial of what looked like cream, and a safety pin.

"Tell me where it hurts when I change them alright?" You said gently, making his lay down on the bed again, "and uh..."

"What?" Jay questioned, seeing your eyes linger at his wound or more specifically, his ab muscles, "Oh you can touch them it's fine."

"Oh. Oh yeah alright." You said, feeling your face heat up slightly. Bandaging him when he was still unconscious was easier than this, when he was awake. God his stare was so attractive to you, even now, as you gently touched his bandages, replacing them with cleaner cloth, you tried hard not to brush your fingers against his abs.

"Enjoying the view?" Jay asked, a cockish sneer to his voice. "There's a view to enjoy Your Majesty?" You fired back, although you most certainly were enjoying staring at him.

"You're an interesting one." Jay said, trying to make small talk as you lightly pressed against the smaller wounds with the cream, "Y/N wasn't it?"

"Yep." You said with a pop of your lips, finishing wrapping his wounds with a slight tap to check if they were secure, "And please do stay in bed and don't work. If you need anything, I'm right outside. His highness Heeseung has told me to rest in the chambers opposite yours."

The chambers opposite to his, his parents' chambers. God did Jay hate that room, all big and filled with skulls from hunts.

"If you want to you can go home, I can manage on myself." Jay said, his eyes set on yours. Why was it so hard to maintain eye contact with you?

"I know how that idea works." You smiled again, bringing that weird sensation back into Jay's stomach, "I'll go and then you'll order someone to bring you your work, so His Highness Heeseung specifically asked me not to leave. I guess you're stuck with me Your Majesty." You curtsied to finish off the impression.

"Jay." He spoke again, to your confusion, which made him stifle a chuckle, "Please, call me Jay."

"Jay." You smiled to yourself, "Well, ring that bell if you need anything."

As you left the room, quietly shutting the door behind you, Jay had the sudden urge to kick his feet in the air. The room was filled with lavender scent, your lavender scent to be specific, and it gave Jay a sense of calm, which in turn reduced the pain radiating from his stab wound.

Well this would be an interesting two weeks.

"Your Majesty what on Earth are you doing?"

Jay froze in his position at hearing a stern voice. Your stern voice, to be precise.

"Resting?" He said, trying to hide his cheeky smile, as he slowly backed away from his table. Rolling your eyes, you quickly got him back to the bed, worried that his bandages will open back again. But the only thing Jay was worried about was that his work wasn't getting completed.

"How about this?" You asked, as you finally managed to wrestle him back to the bed, "I'll do the work for you, if you agree to rest. It's in that diary right?"

"I can't let you do that." Jay grumbled, reaching for your arm, as you hurried to get to the diary on his table. The cold touch of his hand on your warmer skin made you flinch heavily, which in turn made Jay pull his hand away.

"I'm sorry." Jay quickly apologised, as you rubbed your arm, "I- That's my private diary, I don't really allow people to see it."

"Oh, my apologies then." You curtsied, still rubbing your arm, feeling extremely cold for some reason, even if the warm daylight was coming into the room through the window, "Your Majesty-"

"Jay." He corrected, shooting you the tiniest fragment of a smile.

"Jay." You said again, this time feeling more at ease, "You've got to rest, I'm begging you. Those bandages won't magically heal you until you rest. If there's anything I can do to get you to rest, I'll do it."

Jay's ears weren't actually listening to anything. His mind was too distracted again, by your scent. God damn his strong sense of smell, but you smelled like memories he wanted to forget.

"Tell me what perfume you use and then I won't work." Jay looked up at you with a cheeky smile. He didn't know why, but he felt comfortable to show you his smile, which he didn't often feel with the ladies in their paraffin socks.

"I- that's a peculiar question." You said, not knowing what to feel aboutthe actual King asking you about your perfume.

"I swear on my own grave that I will rest if the great healer Y/N tells me her perfume." Jay recited, keeping his hand on his chest for dramatic effect.

"It's the lavender one we get in the town square from Marcella's." You raised your chin up high, "Now would you rest?"

"Hmmm let me think." Jay dramatically sighed, "No."

"Your Majesty, I will beg." You breathed desperately, "I will seriously-"

"Your collarbone." Jay interrupted, his attention diverting from your eyes to your shoulder, "There's something on your collarbone."

Jay took note of the way your eyes flickered quickly and worriedly to your collarbone, and how you rushed to pull the sleeve of your dress up to cover it, clearing your throat afterwards to clear the awkward air.

"Are you-"

"Your Majesty, I admire the way you hold so much strivance for your work but you really must rest if you wish to keep working for the rest of your life."

The atmosphere of the room had a drastic change, Jay could feel it, as you quickly curtsied, said a quick "excuse me" and hurried off towards the exit.

That wasn't a stain or a birth mark on your shoulder Jay knew it, as he leant back comfortably, and decided to follow your advice for a while.

He'd seen dark marks like that on someone he once knew and loved.

And something in him asked him not to rest (unless it was pretending for you) until he figured out where that bruise the size of a man's hand, came from.

Part 2 coming soon....

Tags: @amazzwon @heeseungshim @kvmariii @mwahvvis @hottiewifeyyyy @sacrificeatmeup @perfectnighttt @yawnzzhoon @yunabi436

[vintagerpg]

This is the Science Fiction Book Club first edition of Robert Holdstock’s Mythago Wood (1984). It concern a family living near the titular forest. Dad’s obsessed with it, Mom is going to pieces because of that obsession, kids are largely neglected. One brother goes to war, the other stays. Mom and Dad die. The war brother comes back years later and find things…strange.

The forest is larger on the inside than it is on the outside. It is also inhabited by unusual people, like Roman centurions, Robin Hood-like huntsmen, barbarians and a giant rage god that is a man with a boar head. These inhabitants are both manifestations of the land’s memory and also somehow connected to the minds of the regular people who enter the woods — everyone brings their own set of mythagos to life. The edges of this are fuzzy and never fully explained. Its the best part of the book and it speaks somehow of a primal human consciousness in such a way that I’ve never really been able to stop thinking about it (even though I have very little desire to read the subsequent novels in the series).

The bulk of the novel consists of a rivalry between the two brothers. The one who stayed has spent years roaming the strange landscape inside the wood (which houses many ruins and a couple of distinct culture groups) as a barbaric reaver who seeks the affections of a young Boudica-like woman/archetype that the war brother also loves (some of the relationship stuff here is yicky, fair warning). Christian’s (ironic name) transformation into a violent, filthy bandit king is striking and also resonates strangely. Things come to a head near the even-weirder heart of the wood and end rather enigmatically (and subverts expectations for a violent score-settling).

Curiously, despite there being like eight books in the series, I don’t ever hear folks talk about them. That, somehow, makes the secrets of this book even more appealing.

[tired-pigeon789]

A Deeper Understanding

(Astarion X Anemic GNreader)

Notes: this whole fic is based on MY OWN experience with anemia which happened with extreme blood loss and just general low iron. and is VERY self indulgent. I also don't think about Astarion romantically but if you read this fic that way go ahead. I don't blame ya lol. Tav is also gender neutral and not named, there no description of what Tav looks like aside from them at least having shoulder length hair. (I also didn't really re-read this lol so sorry for any mistakes)

word count: 1983

general warnings: lots of mentions of blood and blood loss.

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It was rough, the last encounter took a lot out of all of us and I’m feeling weak even after Shadowheart’s healing and the health potion. Even worse was the blood loss. Dreadful goblin gave me a deep slash and even though it’s patched I’m dizzy and lightheaded. A feeling I’ve grown used to but this is a new extreme. Personally I don’t feel the need to disclose my low iron. Just how often does one need to bring up such a thing? Well, one needs to bring it up when they are being healed I suppose. “If you knew you had this condition, why throw yourself at the main line of fire?” Shadowheart asks while taking my pulse. “I overestimated my abilities, yes, but at least they got me and not Astarion, he gave the final blow to the mage goblin.” I point out while I drink a hot tea while lean against one of support poles in shadowheart’s tent. She simply sighs as I feel her opinion change of me. “You’d be as good as dead if you don’t watch yourself. We already have enough going on.” I simply say ‘I know’ as I thank shadowheart for her help and rest up a bit before I go off and help the others set up camp for the night. We had found a cast iron pot and pan to cook with so at least I’ll be getting what I’m lacking from that. The stew Gale had made for everyone was wonderful and tasteful, and even though I had little to no appetite it helped and I started to feel more alert but sleep is still needed. 

It was dark and late, the moon shines overhead and keeps my eyes closed. I feel weak after everything I’ve been through today but I’m just happy to have a bedroll to lay in. I just can’t sleep. In, out, in, out melt away stress. Breathe in, breathe out. I think this to myself as I try to sleep. I feel as relaxed as I can be but I just can’t slip away into the blissful void of sleep. First the blood loss and now the loss of sleep. There’s simply no winning today it seems. Sighing I open my eyes and gasp as I see Astarion hover over me, Fangs bare, a vampire. Quickly I prop myself up and try to steady myself despite the lightheadness and the massive headache. 

“Shit.” He says as he backs away while I prop myself up on my elbows while I glare at the man “No No- It’s not what it looks like I swear.” “What the hell Astarion!” Glaring at the pale elf I see him look down at me. “I wasn’t going to hurt you I swear, I just needed some blood.” Getting at better at him I see now for what he is. “A vampire, honestly I'm kicking myself for not seeing it sooner.” I say as I try to keep my distance from him. “I’m not some monster,” he says in a desperate voice as he try to find the words to defend himself. “I only drink from animals, Boars, dear... Kobolds, whatever I can get, it’s just, after everything I’m too slow to go out and hunt.” “And you thought the best way to deal with that was to get a drink from me?” Astarion looks taken a back but sighs. “I just need a little blood, so that I may think clearer, and fight better. Just a taste, please.” The way he said please made me hold my breath for a moment. Probably because I know that feeling well. That lightheadedness, the faint lights that plagued my eyes when I walk the need to hold on to anything. It’s helpless feeling, one that I didn’t expect to share with a vampire. 

“So if you drink my blood, you’ll be stronger?” I ask as I try to calm down and think more pragmatically about this offer. “It would benefit us all, but if not I could just hunt a bear or boar out in the woods.” Astaron says plainly. If I do this he’ll be better in combat, but I’m already weak as it is if I don’t sleep or eat something bloody myself. I know what he says is true, it’s basic logic when it comes to vampires. And deep down inside me I feel that understanding, maybe it’s one sided trust but I know if I had a way to rid of this feeling this hunger myself I would. At the end of it I sigh and nod. “Ok, I’ll let you do this, but you have to promise to stop when you have your fill and, you have to keep an eye on me.” Astaron smirks as he kneels in front of me with a look in his eye saying ‘I can’t believe I’m getting away with this.’ And frankly I can’t believe it either. "I promise you have my word. You can trust me” He says. 

Laying back down Astarion hovers over me as he pushes my hair to the side, pulls down the collar of my shirt in a less obvious place to hide whatever mark would come of this, and takes a bite at my shoulder. Hissing in pain I take a deep breath and my hand holds onto his bicep as he drinks from me. The pain melts after a minute but the lightheadedness that I’m used to now feels even more nauseating and I start to push on Astarions shoulder to get him to stop. He stops thankfully but his face doesn’t leave the crook of my neck just yet. I’m shaking and running colder than usual, my breath is faint and I lay my head firmly on the thin pillow underneath. “Your blood, it’s faint. Are you anemic?” I nod as I try to control my breathing. “I know it isn’t a lot, but I don’t think anyone else in our party would’ve let you drink from them.” I say softly as I close my eyes as tiredness finally creeps up on me. “And I’d rather it had been me you drank from than some poor stranger.” “You’re going to be in a long sleep after this, you have nothing to gain from what you just did.” He says as he finally pulls away and looks down on me. “I couldn’t sleep anyway. And you got stronger right? At least a little bit? Surely it’s enough to cover for me tomorrow.” I jest a bit as I continue to shake a bit and cover myself with a blanket. 

“I won’t drink from you again, your blood is very watery.” “Thank you?” I say weakly as I hear Astarion sit himself down next to me. “It’s not a compliment. You need to do something about that.” “Believe me I know. However last I checked I’m not in my cozy apartment in Baldur's Gate, where all my medicine is. I hate feeling like this.” opening my eyes I look over at Astarion as he just simply looks into the fire in front of us keeping us warm. “Be honest, with me” Astarion starts while he keeps his gaze on the fire, “If you knew you had this condition, why did you let me drink from you?” I think again for a moment before I speak.  “Because I know what it feels to be weak from blood, It’s a weird craving and I know it horrible, maybe not in the same way as you but I can make a good guess. I’ll be fine, I’ve like this before.” I can’t move much, my whole body aches and my breathe is shallow as I feel the need to stay awake, it’s not really a fear of death from the Astarion bite but just unease and general paranoia. “Did my blood even do anything for you?” I ask. “Some what, I just didn’t expect the weak taste.” I just let out a small chuckle. “Talking about my blood like one would talk about wine, funny.” “how long had you know about your condtion?” my breath evens out but I still shiver under the blanket as I think about the question. “About a few years now, I figured it wasn’t normal to feel faint everyday.” Astarion hums in understanding as he sits next to me. “I’m surprised you’re still next to me if I can be frank.” I say softly as I look up at Astarion. “Can’t let the others think I killed you in your sleep now can I.” he pauses for a moment before he continues, “I also feel like we’re kindred spirits now in way” “you’re very funny.”

After a moment of silence between us, Astarion speaks up “you ought to sleep, there will be plenty to do when day comes.” I just hum softly while I cover my eyes with my arm “I doubt I’ll be of much use. You guys are going to need to do whatever is needed in my place.” “how long do think you’ll be out?” He asks with some surface level concern. I know he only cares enough about me to make sure I get the tadpoles removed, to how I just became the leader of this strange group I do not know but can understand why Astarion would ask that. I would too if I was him. Sluggishly I pull my arm away from eyes and see Astarion look down at me with slight concern but the arch and furrow brow of his gives away that he really doesn’t want to be next to me. Maybe it’s out of pity or guilt, or perhaps he just want’s to go hunt to get his fill. “I don’t know, but I know I can’t do much of anything tomorrow, I’ll be fine in case you were worried.” I say softly as the sweet void of sleep came creeping up on me, however I felt just as scared as I did when I first woke up in the Nautiloid. I know I won’t die in my sleep. I know I won’t. But the paranoia doesn’t leave me. I need to stay awake. 

Struggling to keep my eyes open Astarion brings his hand over my eyes to close them “Sleep. like I said, I don’t want the rest of the camp thinking I killed you.” “How kind, but you would have though, Had I not woken up.” I say absent mildly. Astarion doesn’t say anything for a minute, not a ‘I would never!’ or a ‘yes I would.’ which in a way is enough of answer to me. I didn’t like that I was right. I feel the fire dies down a bit and I hear him shift the logs and the warmth comes back. “You’re not dead though, so lets not dwell on that.” he says. Almost like a child saying ‘you should be happy that worse case scenario didn’t just happen so you can’t be mad’ the idea almost makes me laugh. “You can still drink from me, only when I’m well of course and you can’t find anything else. I want you at your best.” “Even with your condition and finding out my secret you’d still let me drink from you? You must really not care about your life.” Sleep feels closer as I drift off while trying to the words to say something in response. “I’ll take my chances, I’d rather die bloodless than become a squid. But I’ve also grown to trust you a bit, Despite everything.” “Questionable logic at best my dear.” he chuckles which in turn makes me smile a bit. “Well I’m not in the best state of mind. But I don’t think it will change.” I sigh. “Sleep, I won’t leave-” before Astarion could finish his sentence my mind fades and I do in fact, finally sleep. 

@half-poison-and-half-hope Just for you

[secretlywritingstories]

You can feed on me tonight, if you'd like? | BG3 Astarion one shot

Summary: It became a habit to let Astarion feed on you every night. He does it so carefully that you normally don’t wake, until the one night you do.

Tags: During canon Act 2, blood drinking, late night conversation, hurt/comfort

Warnings: Brief mention of canon trauma

Word count: 3.9k

Read on AO3 or below

You didn’t exactly intend to make it a routine, but perhaps it shouldn’t be surprising that you find yourself wanting to cling to a certainty when the option is presented to you.

Life has been more complicated lately than you’d ever thought. Being infected with a mind flayer parasite is life-ruining. It should have been death of you already, lost forever to become a thrall.

Only your parasites are different, or it’s the guardian in a damn githyanki artefact protecting you. You still haven’t quite figured out which is which. You also haven’t figured out if this delay is a blessing or a curse.

But there is one thing you are sure of in this whole chaotic journey that you never asked to go on. You like the company. Maybe you’re just all trauma bonding. All of you’ve got issues and stuff to deal with that doesn’t necessarily have a good solution. Too many of your companions are in danger of being blown up, losing themselves to old masters or seeking power that’ll corrupt them.

It's a lot trying to manage it all. Especially because you’ve become the leader of your crew. You’re not quite sure how that happened, but everyone always looks for you to have all of the answers. You have to consider how every single choice will affect you all.

It’s exhausting and scary and every new encounter tests you in a new way.

Maybe that’s why it’s easy to stride over to Astarion every night before you lie down on your bedroll and tell him that he can feed on you if he’d like. You always try to lower your voice, whisper it almost like a secret.

A ridiculous notion because Astarion’s reply is always loud, laced with teasing and appreciation in equal measure. And every single morning, you’re hobbling over to Shadowheart to request that she uses one of her limited spells to do Lesser Restoration on you. That too has become a familiar routine. You don’t even have to ask her anymore. She just does it when she sees you come over.

It was different the first time Astarion bit you. You still remember it quite vividly. During the day, you’d found the boar, a victim of a vampire attack, and how cagey he’d been when you’d tried to ask for his opinion. Still, you hadn’t foreseen that you’d wake that same night with him standing over you, about to use you as his personal juice box.

It’s almost ironic that you’re the one walking up to him every night now.

He’d thought you’d kill him when you woke that first time. You’d seen the fear in his eyes. You remember being baffled that he didn’t just strike to kill you first. He had far more dexterity. He could have gutted you before you’d had a chance to recover.

But he had stood there, fumbling to explain himself, and looking like he was waiting for you to strike him. It was your first hint that something was off about the whole thing. You know more now. About how he was enslaved to Cazador Szarr for 200 years and made to feed on rats as his only nutrition. How the vampire master carved a demonic ritual into his flesh, and left him to wonder how he’d been branded.

If you’re ever making it to Baldur’s Gate before the tadpoles or any of your many enemies get the best of you, then you’re going to kill that vampire – or better yet help Astarion do it.

You let him feed that night, and you don’t regret it. Even if a nagging thought in the back of your mind wonder if he’d have drained you dry, if you hadn’t persuaded him that he’d had enough.

Back then, maybe he would have. But you don’t think he would anymore. It feels like things have changed between you. Not just because of your one tryst at the tiefling party. That did set your relationship down a path that you hadn’t anticipated, and you know that you cannot separate sex and romance like he perhaps can.

But he’d been off that night. Far away in his mind. He’d insisted that he was just holding back when you’d asked, and while you did appreciate that, it didn’t feel like the truth. You’ve never pushed the issue of sex again, and having learned more about how he used his body to lure victims for his master, it feels like the right call.

The feeding, you know he appreciates. He says so every time you allow him it. That’s one of the strange things too. One night, you had been too battered and exhausted and forgotten to tell him that he could bite you. You had assumed that he would do so anyway, since you had been giving him permission time again and again in the days before.

But you’d woken that morning healed and not feeling the tell-tale signs of being bloodless. You’d tried to ask him about if that morning, but you had gotten a rather unpleasant visit from one of the many fiends you’ve got to deal with lately. A new chance had never presented itself.

Astarion has it down to a fine art to bite you without waking you now. It’s almost a little terrifying. You don’t stir at all. He could rip out your throat and you wouldn’t have any way to prevent it.

You’d like to think that any of your other companions would go to Withers and bargain to have your life restored. They’d find more than enough gold on your body for it. And well, they still need you.

Some of them might try to kill Astarion if he killed you. It’s a strange thing to find yourself so surrounded by people who like and want to protect you. You’ve never quite felt this bond with anyone.

But Astarion never kills you, and you suspect that he only drinks a little bit. The blood of thinking creatures, such as yourself, seems to sustain him well. You’re still not sure if it’s healthy for you to bare your neck this often but you would not change it.

It makes him happy.

And he deserves every sliver of happiness that he can get after centuries of pain. It’s why you sometimes stop and bask in the sun a little, even if some of the other party members try to hurry you along. Because you know Astarion wouldn’t stop on his own but you know that he craves basking in the sun, now that he can.

For now. Until you find the solution to the tadpole problem, at least.

It’s too scary to think further than that. Your plans keep getting derailed time and time again. You’re learning to accept that you can never anticipate what will be around the next corner.

You’ve never woken once in the weeks that Astarion has been drinking your blood, but you do tonight. Astarion is drinking from your neck, ever so carefully.

You’re not sure why you wake up this time. Maybe the shadow-cursed lands just creep up on you. For most part, you’ve tried to make camp at the Last Light Inn but sometimes, it’s just not feasible to trek back.

The pain from the bite is different from what you remember the first time. That sharp piercing pain is mollified. It’s a little uncomfortable but it doesn’t really hurt. You’re not sure if it’s the change in your heartbeat or Astarion was simply done, but he pulls back and looks surprised to find your eyes open.

His mouth drops open, ever so slightly. Fangs gleam in the moonlight and a little blood trail down from one of the corners of his mouth. By many people’s standards, this would be the picture-perfect image of a monster.

But his blood-red eyes stares into yours and you don’t see a monster at all. You see the elf that your heart is becoming rapidly entangled with, even if you know it’s a bad idea.

“Oh, you’re… awake. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

He sits back on his haunches and wipes the blood on his mouth away with the back of his hand. Wasting a couple of drops. He would not have done that if it was the first time. He made sure to savour and not spill any.

But that was then. Now he’s well-fed. Things are different.

“You didn’t wake me,” you insisted, sitting up.

A mistake. Your head swims from the blood loss and you feel a dizziness overtake you. You would probably have tumbled right over if not for the steadying hands on the small of your back and your shoulder.

“Easy now, peach. I wouldn’t want my favourite meal to die on me.”

There’s a question at the tip of your tongue, even as your head still swims. You force it down and make yourself take steadying breaths. It wouldn’t do anything good to ask about what you mean to him. You’re not sure you’re ready to face that answer.

You’re just going to have to trust that you’re more than a meal.

“I’m fine,” you say.

It’s quite easy to say these days, even if it is a lie. You don’t have any choice to but to be fine. You have to persevere. Everyone is counting on you to solve all of this. And the calamity of what ‘this’ means keep expanding too. You don’t like that you’ve got to take down so many huge and scary villains.

You’re a regular person. You didn’t sign up for this shit.

Astarion clicks his tongue but doesn’t let go of you. His touch feels warm, even though he shouldn’t really be warm as a vampire spawn. Maybe that’s your blood’s doing.

“I don’t need to be particular perceptive to tell that’s a lie,” he remarks.

“Fuck off,” you bite back, partly in jest, but partly also wanting to change the conversation.

It has the intended effect. It makes Astarion laugh, and in turn that makes you smile. You savour every genuine laugh and smile that you can elicit from him. It feels like a small victory.

Maybe that’s going to be your main victory at the end of this. All of the times that you made your companions feel better, even if just for a moment. You’ve helped Gale with his magical items, Karlach with her mechanic heart, Shadowheart with protecting the artefact, Lae’zel with tracking down the creche, Wyll with his pact with Mizora, Halsin with the Druid grove and Astarion with his bloodlust.

And his revenge on Cazador, when it comes to that.

You don’t like mindless murder, which one might not think when they consider the blood that you’ve had to spill along the road here. You always try to go for the lesser evil or talk your way out of most situations, but it doesn’t always work. But either way, it would be different with Cazador.

After what he’s done to Astarion, he deserves ruthlessness.

“My, my, what has you looking like such a murderous vixen?” Astarion asks, finally letting go of you.

You watch him contemplate how to move, before he eventually sits down next to you on the bedroll. That’s the first time that has happened.

You cannot tell him the truth. You’re not sure what he would think about you contemplating killing Cazador. He would most likely approve but you’re still a little scared to discuss the specifics with him. You know he hungers for the power that Cazador has and you’re not quite sure what’ll happen if he gets it.

“Well, murder, of course,” you said with a shrug, and pull your legs up against your front. Making yourself smaller.

Astarion narrows his eyes at you, seeming to contemplate pressing the issue but eventually relenting. The silence seems to settle over the two of you. It’s not exactly peaceful out here with shadows wanting to lurch forward and kill you. It’s almost eerily quiet.

But you’ve got the pixie blessing, so you’ll be fine. The shadows can’t reach you. But you know that doesn’t mean you’re protected from all of the other things out to get you. Like the tadpole squirming around in your brain. You’re never getting used to that.

“You know,” he says, looking out into the shadows, “why do you come to me most nights? So eager to be a snack?”

It was not the question that he’d ask, but you suppose it makes sense. It’s the first time the two of you have really been explicitly confronted with what you’ve been doing these pasts weeks.

Maybe he still thinks you naïve and easy to manipulate. It seemed like that might have been the case at first. Maybe it still is, but then why would he ask? Risk you reconsidering your repeated offers to keep him fed?

“To allow you to feed, you mean?” you ask, wanting him to put it into the exact words.

You like his sass, his flair for the dramatic, but this is quite a serious topic and you need him focused. To strip away some of the façade.

“Well, yes,” he says, still frowning and staring ahead instead of looking at you.

You let out a thoughtful hum and try to string your words into something that would make sense to him. It’s difficult, when it doesn’t really fully make sense to yourself. You’re pretty sure that he isn’t going to accept the explanation that it just feels right.

You’re worried that it would be even worse to confess that you do it just to make him feel a bit of happiness. That feels like it is too big a confession while the world is falling apart around you.

“It doesn’t cost me anything,” you say, and letting out a light sigh, looking out into the same darkness that he was watching so intensely. “And it matters to you. So why wouldn’t I do it?”

Silence settles over you again, but you feel Astarion’s eyes on you now. Boring into the side of your head, observing your profile. The urge to immediately turn is strong but you let yourself wait. You let him see you.

You wonder what he finds while gazing upon your face. If he can see the other answers that you didn’t dare to speak out loud. If he can see the answer that you won’t even voice fully to yourself.

Eventually, you cannot bear it anymore and you turn to face him. His eyes have never quite looked so soft. His whole expression is stunned and a little devastated. And maybe there’s a bit of awe in his eyes too, though you’re almost too stubborn to believe it. This is not how you thought he would look at you. Ever.

“What?” you ask, whispered between the two of you, like a secret for real this time. Everyone else being soundly asleep, for now it’s just you in your own little world.

Astarion is the only companion in camp who doesn’t sleep. He mediates for a few hours but you know that’s not the same as sleeping. Elves don’t need sleep but that also means that he can never escape his own consciousness. He had to live through every second of his 200 years of captivity.

You’re breaking your own heart just remembering his history.

“I… huh, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you,” he says, and his eyes are so big, almost sparkling in the moonlight. They hold all of your attention.

You want to reply that you’ve never quite met anyone like him either, and you would have meant every word, but he continues before you can get the chance to reply.

“Where were you two hundred years ago?” he asks, splitting your heart open.

He draws his legs up against his chest, mimicking your posture. You’ve never seen him sitting like that. There are so many words you wish to tell him, but you fear any attempt at reassurance will just ring hollow.

You cannot change the past. You could not save him when you hadn’t even been born. Yet you find yourself yearning for a different past. One where you could have saved him.

“Where were you when I needed saving?” he continues.

There’s no resentment in his voice, only sad resignation. It does not sound like he blames you, but still the guilt threatens to choke you. If you thought your heart was breaking for him before, you were sorely mistaken.

He had waited for rescue. For two centuries. And none came.

When he finally got out, it wasn’t even a rescue for him. It was a kidnapping. A happenstance that ripped him from one master, but infected him with the intention to bind him to another.

You don’t realise you’re crying until he’s reaching out to gently wipe a tear from your cheek. It’s the most tenderly he’d ever touched you, the pad of his thumb barely brushing along your skin under your eye.

“Darling, you’re far to pretty to cry,” he says, and he clearly tries for a light and teasing tone but it falls flat. “Don’t waste your tears on me.”

It looks like he has even more to say to you. Maybe he feels an obligation to tell you that he doesn’t actually blame you. You both know you could not have helped him. But you find yourself yearning and wishing that someone else had.

Suddenly, every time he disapproved of you going off from the main mission to help someone else makes a little more sense. You couldn’t put your finger on why he would disapprove at first but maybe it wasn’t because he didn’t care. Maybe it was because he cared too much.

You’ve dragged him along on numerous adventures, forced him to watch as you try to help and save everyone. Relentlessly and with all of your willpower because it’s the right thing to do.

Because it felt right to help, even with the numerous threats constantly hanging over you. Because you couldn’t imagine abandoning someone who needed help.

You reach out for his hand, grabbing it before he can retreat it back to his side of the bedroll. He looks almost startled at the touch, and you’re about to pull back when he turns your hand, interlocking your fingers. Keeping your hand in his.

You want to say that you’re sorry so terribly, but you know it will never be enough. You do not want to apologise for not saving him, but to apologise on behalf of the universe that no one else did. Nature is all about maintaining balance but you cannot see how such cruelty can ever balance out.

There is nothing you can say to make this better. There’s nothing you can really do to make it better either. But you’ve got to at least try to provide him some of the comfort that he so desperately needs and deserves.

“Stay with me tonight?” you ask.

His eyebrows shoot up, clearly surprised, and you see how his face pinches together as he makes the wrong assumptions.

“Just here, lying together for the night,” you clarify before the misunderstanding can take root. You’d not ask him to sleep with you again until he explicitly tells you that he wants to. If he ever does, and if he doesn’t, then that’s okay too.

He lets out a little chuckle, sitting back a little.

“But you need to sleep. I’ve already interrupted your rest, despite promising not to do that,” he says and looks almost bashful. It’s a new look on him too. You’re seeing a bit more of him tonight than he’s shown before.

“I don’t care,” you say.

“My sweet, I don’t sleep, you know this.”

“I do. I want to stay awake with you. You can meditate if you want, but I want you to know that you’re not alone. At least not for tonight,” you say and it feels like too much, but you don’t care anymore.

So what if he will use how much you care about him against you? He’s smart, he’ll figure you out soon enough either way. You might as well let him in now.

“You… you’d do that?” he lets out a short laugh. “Normally, I’d be the only thing creeping in the shadows on a night such as this.”

“You don’t have to creep anywhere anymore,” you tell him, squeezing his hand. “Okay? As long as we’re on this journey together, I’m not letting you go. You can have blood, you can have company, you can have someone who’s there for you.”

Astarion whispers your name as if you were one of the gods or goddesses. His eyes are definitely filled with awe this time, looking at you as if you are divine.

“I cannot change the past, no matter how much we both would wish it, but I can help now. I can do something now, and I will. Now and in the future, if you’ll let me. I can’t promise that it’ll be work out. Too much could go wrong, but we still have to try. So please let me try to help you.”

Astarion looks at you for a long moment, and something in his eyes change, as if he sees you in a new light. You know your words was tinged with desperation and you’re letting him know just how much you’d be willing to do for him, but he deserves it. He deserves someone who cares for him relentlessly.

You’re willing to bare your neck to him, not because you trust him not to bite, but because you want him to and trust that he’ll do so gently.

Far too long, he’s been deprived of every ounce of happiness, and you’re going to make sure he gets a chance at as much of it as possible.

In the end, he nods and the two of you try to properly lie down on the bedroll that’s definitely too small for two people. Astarion should go to the other side of the fire and grab his own, but neither of you are operating on logic right now.

You squeeze together on the one bedroll. Your shoulders pressed together, and hands still intertwined. It’s not really comfortable but that doesn’t matter. You have both endured far, far worse.

And it’s still nice. This is nice.

You lie in silence for a long time, and you fight against consciousness to stay awake next to Astarion like you promised him. He was right that it’s a foolish attempt and that you need all of the rest you can get in these parts. But he must also know that you cannot be discouraged from something when you’ve made up your mind.

And you’re glad you fought against the tendrils of sleep when you feel his thumb stroking along the back of your hand. A light and reassuring touch. It grounds you and gives you hope for the future.

You’re not sure that he’s ever going to be okay after everything that’s happened to him, but maybe pockets of happiness will be enough. You hope it will be enough.

[goodqueenaly]

In your opinion, in AFFC, what would have been the best way for Cersei to get rid of Bronn? Could she have just sent him to the Riverlands to ‘help’ Jaime, or to the siege on Dragonstone?

It's not that Cersei didn't have different ideas of how Bronn might have been (in her mind) quietly dispatched. Indeed, when she berates Falyse Stokeworth for the miserable failure of Balman Byrch's assassination attempt, Cersei scolds her that "I asked you to arrange a hunting mishap. An arrow gone astray, a fall from a horse, an angry boar ... [sic] there are so many ways a man can die in the woods". If Cersei is not always the smoothest of operators, much less conspirators and assassins - see, for example, her clumsy attempts to kill Robert, echoed in some of the schemes she suggested above - these were, if only in a very much relative sense, subtler plans than Balman Byrch's naively chivalric interpretation of her barely unspoken directive to kill Bronn. In Cersei's mind, I think, she imagined the plot would have happened quickly and discreetly: Bronn was at Stokeworth, her Stokeworth friends (in the loosest sense of the term) could have lured him into a convenient trap there, Ser Bronn of the Blackwater would have met an untimely end, and no one would have been the wiser as to the queen's hand in all of it.

But the bigger point here is why Cersei believed she had to have Bronn removed in the first place. By buying off Bronn with Lollys Stokeworth, Cersei had freed herself from the fear that he would support Tyrion in the latter's trial - but because Cersei has long operated under the base assumption that Tyrion is the prophesied valonqar who will eventually murder Cersei herself, Cersei could not simply live and let live when it came to Bronn. It could not be the case that Bronn named Lollys' child "Tyrion" out of a sort of wry fondness for his former employer - no, Bronn had to be hinting at his continuing allegiance to Tyrion, even to the absurd point of hiding Tyrion at Stokeworth itself. It could not be that Bronn was simply taking a leaf from his old employer's book by building a personal army for himself out of a handful of sellswords, in order to secure his power in an uneasy position - no, Bronn had to be mobilizing a pro-Tyrion army with the intent of deposing and killing Cersei.

Put bluntly, only Cersei's paranoia had convinced her of the need to have Bronn killed. In her haste to get rid of someone she believed was Tyrion's agent and protector in virtually her backyard, Cersei had not only acted with her characteristic assassination clumsiness, but had also targeted someone who posed no actual threat to her. It was a move that backfired spectacularly, because not only did Bronn survive (which he might have no matter what manner of assassination Cersei chose, given her penchant for chancy prospects), but he did so while forcing Balman to confess that Cersei had put him, Balman, up to it in the first place. Now Bronn knows that Cersei was out to get him on no grounds whatsoever - and as jure uxoris Lord of Stokeworth, he now controls one of the Iron Throne's primary local vassals, the very families Cersei might be calling on for support as her regime crumbles in TWOW. (But at least she and her family didn't ruin relations with another major local Crownlands family, the Rosbys ... oh wait.)

[goodnightmemes]

HOUSE OF THE DRAGON SEASON ONE SENTENCE STARTERS

❛ I'd rather serve as a knight and ride to battle and glory. ❜

❛ We have royal wombs, you and I. The childbed is our battlefield. ❜

❛ I want to fly with you on dragonback, see the great wonders across the Narrow Sea, and eat only cake. ❜

❛ We must either act now or leave it with the gods. ❜

❛ The gods have yet to make a man who lacks the patience for absolute power. ❜

❛ I have only ever defended you! Yet everything I've given you, you've thrown back in my face. ❜

❛ To elude a storm, you can either sail into it, or around it. But you must never await its coming. ❜

❛ We should be free to speak our minds to one another. ❜

❛ I imagine even dragons get lonely. ❜

❛ I understand the order of things. I'm not sure you do. ❜

❛ If you mean to elicit some anger from me, you should know that you're failing. ❜

❛ Men would sooner put the realm to the torch than see a woman ascend the Iron Throne. ❜

❛ I'm right here, the object of your ire. ❜

❛ Do it. And be done with all this bother. ❜

❛ Proud men don't like having to look up. ❜

❛ Our worth is not given. It must be made. ❜

❛ None of it needs be this way in truth. ❜

❛ The boars squeal like children when they're being slaughtered. I find it discomforting. ❜

❛ Even I do not exist above tradition and duty! ❜

❛ How lucky you are to have a say in your own life. ❜

❛ All that I have, I owe to you. ❜

❛ Well, if you truly believe that, my dear... then you possess a generous spirit. ❜

❛ I was trying to help you. Will you not be helped? Why must every effort on your behalf be resisted - as if to the death? ❜

❛ You wear a crown. Do you also call yourself "King"? ❜

❛ How romantic it must be to get imprisoned in a castle and made to squeeze out heirs. ❜

❛ Though I do suppose you seem changed by your adventures. More mature, perhaps. ❜

❛ Marriage is only a political arrangement. Once you are wed, you can do as you like. ❜

❛ You can not live your life in fear, or you will forsake the best parts of it. ❜

❛ I have no desire to live in fear. Only solitude. ❜

❛ This is a vile accusation. ❜

❛ I have spent a lifetime defending you. But your heart is even blacker than I thought. ❜

❛ You said I could have anything. I want [name]. I'll take her as she is. ❜

❛ When one is never invited to speak, one learns instead to observe. ❜

❛ It's long past time our houses were united in blood. ❜

❛ Let us leave it all behind and see the world together... where we'll be nameless, and free... free to go where we like, to love as we like. ❜

❛ What will they say of me when the histories are written? ❜

❛ I deserve some say in the affairs of my own family. ❜

❛ Your obsession with those beasts goes beyond understanding. ❜

❛ The consequences of an allegation like the one you toy at would be dire. ❜

❛ Have I lost my sanity? Do my senses lead me astray? Or is everyone else asleep, dreaming the same woolly dream? ❜

❛ You have your honor and I have mine. ❜

❛ Dark rumors are hunting us. They nip at our heels. ❜

❛ The wise sailor flees the storm as it gathers. ❜

❛ How sweetly the fox speaks when it's been cornered by the hounds. ❜

❛ You may do as you wish, when I am cold in my grave. ❜

❛ You may know what is the right thing to be done, but love stays the hand. ❜

❛ No matter how fat the leech grows, it always wants for another meal. ❜

❛ Mayhaps the gods have scorned us for our insatiable pride. ❜

❛ What is this brief mortal life if not the pursuit of legacy? ❜

❛ Each of us is capable of depravity. And more than you would believe. ❜

❛ I will have the truth of what happened. ❜

❛ This interminable infighting must cease! All of you! We are family! ❜

❛ There is a debt to be paid. ❜

❛ What have I done but what was expected of me? ❜

❛ Exhausting, wasn't it? Hiding beneath the cloak of your own righteousness. But now they see you as you are. ❜

❛ We play an ugly game. And now, for the first time, I see that you have the determination to win it. ❜

❛ You and I are made of fire. We have always been meant to burn together. ❜

❛ They will fear what else we might be capable of. ❜

❛ And while I should like your support, I do not need it. ❜

❛ I would say it's nice to be home, but I scarcely recognize it. ❜

❛ I've done everything you've asked me to, and I try so hard, but it will never be enough for you. ❜

❛ Hold your nerve. What we do, we do for the good of the realm. ❜

❛ I must confess a certain uneasiness now this is at hand. ❜

❛ A generous offer. Or a desperate one. ❜

❛ But tonight I wish you to see me as I am. ❜

❛ Let us no longer hold ill feelings in our hearts. ❜

❛ It is you. You are the one. You must do this. ❜

❛ His last words to me and I was the only one to hear it. And now he's dead. ❜

❛ I recognize no authority but the King's. And until there is one... I have no place here. ❜

❛ It is our fate, I think, to crave always what is given to another. If one possesses a thing, the other will take it away. ❜

❛ I will do you the considerable courtesy of assuming there is a good reason for the outrage of my treatment here this morning. ❜

❛ You are wiser than I believed you to be. ❜

❛ You desire not to be free, but to make a window in the wall of your prison. ❜

❛ There is no power but what the people allow you to take. ❜

❛ Our hearts were never one. I see that now. ❜

❛ No king has ever lived that hasn't had to forfeit the lives of a few to protect the many. ❜

❛ Reluctance to murder is not a weakness! ❜

❛ We don't choose our destiny. It chooses us. ❜

❛ Whatever claim remains to me, you are now its heir. ❜

❛ Naught is to be done but by my command. ❜

❛ Come with me. I'll show you the true meaning of loyalty. ❜

❛ If you choose treachery, if you swear fealty now only to later turn your cloaks… know that you will die screaming. ❜

❛ Let's end this mummer's farce. ❜

❛ I do not wish to rule over a kingdom of ash and bone. ❜

❛ Dreams didn't make us kings. Dragons did. ❜

❛ You abandoned me... when I most needed you. ❜

❛ Hope is the fool's ally. ❜

❛ I will not fight you. I came as a messenger, not a warrior. ❜

[sincerely-sofie]

Character design work for a number of original projects below! The name of each project the designs belong to is above their respective image, along with a little teaser for the premise.

Which designs do you like best? Which projects catch your eye? Let me know, I'd love to hear!

Iron and Roses, a fantasy romance about a princess marrying herself off to protect her kingdom and stars a bit of a yandere boy-next-door best friend who ain't too happy about this:

Ocean in a Girl, a heartfelt found family story that was originally a Minecraft fanfic but evolved into an original story about a young witch who is being pursued by her godfather, the deity of decay, and is hired to work at a boar woman's tavern after she's spotted stealing from her tavern's display cases one night:

Clover, a psychological dramedy comic / video game (undecided) about a young woman who moves out to attend college and begins seeing creatures no one else can and which claim to come from a world beyond the physical plane and also hate her specifically out of all the population of humans:

The Creeping Chronicles, an "epic" fantasy series about the aftermath of a save-the-world plot and features swords, sorcery, and bug people with trauma:

Starchild, a standalone novel about a demigod of wartime who takes in an amnesiac mortal teenager and swiftly learns there's more to her and her missing memories than meets the eye:

Boss Fight, an animated fantasy parody of The Office about a goblin secretary who works in a video game dungeon and is planning to kill her incompetent lich boss so she'll be the one running the place, but doesn't realize that her boss is head-over-heels in love with her and thinks all her efforts to kill him are her flirting:

This one doesn't have a project, it's just an old persona concept I wanted to show off, hehe:

The Creeping Chronicles again, but with older designs and a broader selection of the cast:

Thanks for checking these out! Again, did any characters or stories catch your eye? Let me know, even if it's just by answering the poll below. I'm really curious about what y'all would like to see more of from my original work :>

[sweatytyrantobservation]

when p2 berserk horses

The moment you've all been waiting for...

Part two of berserk horses that caught my eye!

Wyald.

I don't like wyald, but I like his horse. It looks just as crazy as him and I think the fur on the tack is a cool, small but distinctive detail.

Black Ram Iron Lance Knights

With the most ridiculously long winded name I've ever seen, I love these guys. I like the horns on their heads.

Andon, general of the blue whale knights.

Again, not a fan of this guy but Jesus christ this animal is an absolute unit. I'm really a huge fan of its helmet.

The green knight

Yeah I can't lie I was confused as hell at first I thought this was locus but I like this guys armour. Kinda smooth, sleek. Pretty.

Locus

Gorgeous. Like hello? Definitely one of my favourite designs. I can really appreciate the details

The Headless horseman?

I've heard this dude is a combo of the green knight and some demon? Anyway, spiky horse. Reminds me of a holly Bush. Which is cool because I like Holly bushes.

The Holy purple rhino knights

I had these guys super confused with the blue whale knights for ages because the design of horse armour is really similar. Still, neat. I like how the armour is made to match the name of the army, rhino knights? Rhino armour.

Judeau!

Our favourite boy. I love his horse. Simple, smooth, cute. I bet he takes good care of it. Sorry this was the best photo of it I could manage.

Tudor knights

Yeah I'm not sure much on these guys yet but I like the boar snouts on the cavalry. Again a neat detail

And finally!!..

Isma and isidro

I know the unicorns aren't their horses bur they're cute, So damn cute I love how they interact with the both isma and isidro.

[latenightsundayblues]

I have animal hcs for all of the scream cast because I have way to much time on my hands researching naitive californian animals + house pets to fit every character

sidney - coati

tatum - cocker spaniel

billy - wolverine

stu - blonde greyhound

randy - stoat

gale - a really annoying ground squirrel

dewey - german shorthaired pointer (tatum and him are siblings so they're both dogs. also this breed is known to be loyal and the best hunter dogs and that's ironic)

casey - blonde tabby

steve - fisher cat

kenny - wild boar

Omg i love these!!!!!!! Blonde greyhound stu is so true like wtf..... They're a very iconic breed in my country (they're popularly called 'caramel dogs' in here which i think is so much cooler) so im gonna think of him every time im walking down the street and see one on the sidewalk lmfao

Also thanks to you now i know there's actually an animal named wolverine. So badass. The scientists werent fucking around naming that one ill tell ya that......

COCKER SPANIEL TATUM THO..... ur gonna make me cry!!!!!😭😭😭so cute

[soylent-crocodile]

Animal Conversions- Panthers and Apes

These, for the time being, are the last two animal conversions I'm publishing. I have bears and boars statted up, although they are close in abilities and CR to really be worth it, I think. I intend to tackle ocean life (dolphins, orcas, seals) soon, but that's for a later date.

I may have mentioned my love of cat monsters here before, and my panther's stat block here probably shows that bias. I've combined jaguars and leopards into one stat block, even if they aren't any more related than they are to other Panthera species, because they're large and solitary. My other reason for grouping panthers into one statblock was to give the DM an opportunity for some spec evo- maybe there are striped arboreal panthers in your world? Maybe black panthers are their own species? Go wild!

Chimps also got a massive boon. You may notice I gave chimps an intelligence of 3- personally, I think pathfinder's scale of "smart, stupid, literally mindless" is just not a very good way of defining animal intelligence. I'm giving particualy smart animals (pinnipeds, elephants, apes, parrots, corvids) an intelligence of 3 to represent this. Also chimps can maul you know. They're fuckin scary, yo.

(Jaguar by CorvusHound)

Cat, Panther

This predator stalks quietly through trees and waterways, eyes glinting and pelt spotted. Misc- CR4 TN Medium Animal HD5 Init:+9 Senses: Perception:+7, Low-Light Vision, Scent  Stats- Str:20(+5) Dex:21(+5) Con:16(+3) Int:2(-4) Wis:16(+3) Cha:13(+1) BAB:+3 Space:5ft Reach:5ft Defense- HP:38(5d8+15) AC:8(+5 Dexterity, +4 Natural) Fort:+7 Ref:+9 Will:+4 CMD:23 (+2 Racial bonus vs Trip)  Offense- Bite +8(1d8+5), 2 Claw +7(1d6+3 plus Grab) CMB:+8 (+2 Racial bonus to Grapple) Speed:40ft, Climb 30ft, Swim 30ft Special Attacks: Pounce, Precise Feats- Multiattack, Weapon Focus (Claw), Improved Initiative Skills- +16 Climb, +6 Intimidate, +7 Perception, +13 Stealth, +16 Swim (+4 Racial bonus to Stealth and Intimidate) Special Qualities- Roar Ecology- Environment- Forests, Plains, Rivers (Warm) Languages- None Organization- Solitary Treasure- None Special Abilities- Precise  (Ex)- A panther gets a +4 Racial bonus to rolls to confirm critical hits. Roar (Ex)- A panther may make an intimidate check as a swift action.

“Panther” is a word that can refer to a number of medium-sized solitary cats, typically leopards and jaguars. They are all-terrain hunters, capable of climbing and swimming, and of all wild animals they are among the most common who turn maneater.

Panther pelts are prized as exotic trophies; if relatively undamaged and treated properly, they sell for 200gp in most markets.

Ape, Chimpanzee

This hairy ape has long, sharp canines and a manic expression on its face. Misc- CR2 TN Medium Animal HD3 Init:+3 Senses: Perception:+2 Stats- Str:19(+4) Dex:17(+3) Con:16(+3) Int:3(-4) Wis:6(-2) Cha:14(+2) BAB:+3 Space:5ft Reach:5ft Defense- HP:23(3d8+9) AC:13(+3 Dexterity) Fort:+6 Ref:+6 Will:+1 CMD:20  Offense- Bite +7(1d6+4) or 2 Slam +2(1d4+2 plus trip) CMB:+7 (+2 Racial bonus to Trip) Speed:30ft, Climb 30ft Special Attacks: Vulnerable Strike +1d6 Feats- Iron Will, Power Attack (-1/+2) Skills- Climb +11, Intimidate +4, Perception +2, Swim +0 (-4 Racial penalty to Swim) Special Qualities- Screech Ecology- Environment- Forests (Warm) Languages- None Organization- Troop (4-8) Treasure- None Special Abilities- Vulnerable Strike (Ex)- A chimpanzee knows to target the softest parts of its opponent. Their bite attack deals an additional 1d6 precision damage against creatures that are flanked, grappled, prone, or helpless. Creatures dealt damage this way must make a DC12 Fortitude save or be sickened in pain.

Chimpanzees are tropical animals that closely resemble humanoids and live in troops which have occasional violent infighting. Because of their appearance, many humanoids have attempted to tame or train chimps, but these situations rarely go well, and it’s best for everyone’s sake that they stay in the wild.

[cutie4560]

Tale of Shail

Ch 1: Will You Join Us?

Thorin Oakensheild and his twelve dwarves traveled to the Shire to recruit their fourteenth member, Master Baggins. An alleged burglar, spoken so highly of by Gandalf the Gray. The simple hobbit was plucked from his comfy and safe dwelling to embark on a journey and reclaim a lost kingdom. Traveling on horseback, the company took the eastern road. The wind blew across the treetops making the leaves dance. Gandalf rode enjoying the peaceful pace. "Ah good old Toby, care for some my dear Bilbo?" offering his pipe to the hobbit. Bilbo graciously declined the offer as the group came to a sudden halt. Gandalf pulled on his reins calling up to Thorin, "Why are we stopping now?"

Ignoring the wizard's question, Thorin commanded "Dwalin, Fili, follow me. The rest of you stay here until we return!" Thorin turned back to the path ahead, eyeing a distant sign of trouble. The remaining company, although confused, obeyed their king's order. Kili was not as easily swayed. While the others kept to themselves, Kili instead began to gallop towards the three.

"Thorin, what's this all about then? Our travel has already been delayed by that buttoned up halfing. Now we're wasting time; chasing squirrels and striking every brushing bush." Dwalin grumbled.

Thorin answered while pointing to the sky "Best our travel be delayed than ambushed. Look." His finger followed the trail down showing its origin. "Be on guard, nothing is safe out here." Thorin warned. Dismounting their ponies, the three walked the grounds seeing an open fire with a hen roasting on a spit. Kili secured his pony next to Fili's. He hid behind shrubs. Fili heard the rustling, turning back all he saw were four horses, nothing unusual. Wait, four? Fili rubbed his eyes then held his growling stomach. He was starting to get hungry and the delicious smell of something roasting wasn't helping. Concluding that he must be seeing things, Fili returned to his uncle.

Thorin found a full pack amongst the campground. Going through it, he pulled out a pouch with a boar symbol embroidered into the leather "This is from the Iron Hill…" He observed the surroundings. A single tent was pitched. Hanging from a line was a couple of wet tunics. Handing the pouch over to Dwalin, Thorin went to inspect the shelter. The tent's cloth consisted mostly of flimsy patchwork. Pulling back the flap, Thorin peeked in. Inside laid out a tattered sleeping bag, a pile of dirty dented tin dishes, and a pair of black disheveled boots flopped over in the corner.

Dwalin carefully searched through the sack. Flipping it upside down he violently shook out its contents. A sharpening kit, steel pegs, wooden hammer, glass bottles, and small miscellaneous items. Finding nothing of interest Dwalin dropped the sack. He went on exploring the campground.

Over the campfire was a small chicken roasting on a spit. Fili, smacking his lips, followed the scent of cooking meat. The juices dripped, sizzling on the flames. Fili went to pull off a drumstick when he noticed a large weapon leaning against the tree. He squinted to identify an emblem, a boar? Just then A hand grabbed his shoulder. "AHH!" The prince screamed in shock. Turning around Fili saw his younger brother.

Pieces of foliage were in Kili's hair and clothes. Whipping them off his face dropped from a grin to flushed embarrassment and guilt. He shushed Fili, afraid of being reprimanded by Thorin. "Me shush? You shush!" Fili lowered his tone. Although he was irritated, he didn't want to attract his uncle's attention or the unknown camper. "By Durin, I could have carved you up, sneaking up on me like that. I-...what are you doing here? Uncle told you to stay back." He angrily whispered, even fearing Thorin's wrath for Kili's sake.

"My skills were no use back there; just tinkers and miners prepping for a snack. I would have cut the bread wrong. Besides, if the three of you found yourselves in trouble I would be here to save you." Kili argued his case.

"Ha! YOU save ME? Tell me, who helped you up onto your pony this morning?" Fili laughed, tussling his brother's hair. The two exchanged a few brotherly arm smacks and shoves. Fili wrestled Kili onto the ground. Too focused on the tussle, the brothers neglected their volume. Pinned to the ground Kili laughed, he then soon squealed as Fili snorted and hung a line of drool above his face. Kili closed his eyes and squirmed trying to break loose. When he opened his eyes, Kili saw a figure behind his brother darkened by the morning sun.

Grabbing the back of Fili's coat collar Dwalin yanked him off Kili. "What are you two idiots doing?!" Dwalin impatiently scolded the boys. "This is no place to be playing around."

"It was only a bit of fun mister Dwalin." Kili said, getting up.

Throin rejoins the now three dwarves."Kili! You were to stay back with the others." He scolded his nephew. Hearing a noise the hair on Thorin's neck stood up, "Let's get back, something isn't right."

"Let's go." Dwalin said as the three walked back to the horses.

Fili took the opportunity to nab up a new weapon. His boot stepped on a pile of leaves triggering a hidden net trap. Fili was swept up hanging in a tree. "Fili! Quick cut him down!" Thorin yelled running over, Kili and Dwalin each pulled out a knife sawing at the ropes.

Demounting from their steads, the company took a moment to stretch. Their limbs hurt from riding so many hours straight. Bombur took the opportunity to prepare a small snack; nobody opposed and even helped. Bofur hopped off his pony, heading to the bushes. Bilbo panicked as Bofur trailed off from the group "Where are you going? Thorin said to stay here." The hobbit interrogated.

"Don't worry, just gonna release a stream before I burst. Been holding it in since that last hill peak." he said, pushing through the low branches of a bush. Bilbo, appalled by the lack of manners, walked away with a scowl.

"Curse these dwarves. Contracted to embark on an allegedly dangerous and honorable journey, and what does it entail? Stopping for luncheon, naps under shady oak trees, chirp listening and cloud watching! To think, I turned my anxieties into courage only to be faced with pleasures of Shire in unknown woods. Ha! Perhaps this burgling business won't be so difficult after all. I should hope any forest creatures are politely mindful about sharing their berries and seeds. O-or bandits and rouges would be well versed in folklore to discuss great novels. And the great mountain dragon will be the gracious host of afternoon tea!" Bilbo's worry was making him delirious. The Gray Wizard noticed the hobbit's distressed spiraling. He chuckled to himself then approached the halfling to provide much needed comfort.

"Bilbo, my lad. You seem stressed by factors of your own conjuring. Why not stop and breathe? Look around and intake your new surroundings. I'm certain you've never witnessed russulas like these in the Shire before, have you?" Gandalf encouraged.

"Incredible. Any hobbit would be so ecstatic to come across such a fungi. They'd throw themselves down hills to snag a cap." Bilbo answered sarcastically. The wizard laughed at his friend's attitude, allowing Bilbo to lighten up and share a chuckle as well. "Joking aside, Gandalf, this is not what I expected of this quest. I'm not opposed to postponing sudden death at any turn. However, the prolonging of any unforeseen dangers is growing my paranoia. We are undoubtedly overdue for a mishap."

"Indeed we are." Gandalf agreed under his breath, looking out to the dark of the trees. He looked back to the uneasy hobbit "..And this isn't your first journey? Hahaha." The two shared a laugh again. "Come, Bilbo. Let us roam these grounds and clear our minds. We'll need them to be sharp for the well-read bandits you plan on running into." They wandered off, sparking some Old Tobey.

"Oh yeah…" Bofur sighed after relieving himself. Fixing himself, Bofur was ready to join the others when something caught his attention. Walking deeper into the woods, he found a stump housing a pile of fresh picked berries placed on a leaf. "Well, well look at this. Someone left Bofur a lil treat." The hungry dwarf popped one in his mouth. "Delicious! Odd it being here, but who am I to argue on an empty stomach." Picking up the leaf, Bofur took the snack to go. So enamored by the berries' juices, Bofur was too engaged in licking his fingers to notice a lurking presence. When Bofur turned to head back, the berries flew out of his hand from being startled. A hooded figure stood in front of him. "Where'd you come from? Sorry, were these yours?" He asked. Backing away slowly, Bofur bumped into the stump. He continued to walk backwards around the obstacle, still receiving no reply from the stranger. "Listen, just an honest mistake. I can go pick you some more!" He offered with a worrisome smile. A subtle sound below him drew his attention. Bofur looked down to see his foot in a hidden rope loop. "Uh oh." He said before being snagged by a snare trap. Bofur yelled as he was dragged across the ground up into a tree. His hat fell to the ground and Bofur hung upside down. "Y-you made this trap? Mighty talented! Hehe. H-hard to catch dwarves, being that we are sooooo hefty!" He awkwardly chuckled. His nervous smile shifted into a frown as the stranger approached. They drew out a dwarven dagger from behind their lower back. "Coming to cut me some slack, yeah? HehehehaaAAAHHH! BOMBUR! BIFUR! ANYBODY, HELP!"

With ears of a fox, Gloin heard Bofur's distant cries. He shushed his brother's ramblings to listen harder. The deaf dwarf didn't notice and continued to go on about directions. "So I believe we need to go to the end of this treeline until we hit these sharp looking pointy bits. Once we climb those ridges we'll be to the riverbend. Sure it looks wee bit spooky but it'll cut our commute in half. Right Gl-...Gloin?" The redhead had walked away.

Gloin gathered Nori, Bifur, Balin, and Dori to check out the commotion. "Probably got his member snagged to a thornbush" Gloin joked. The five, thinking nothing of the scenario, headed into the dense woods. Gloin, although, carried his ax.

"You plan on ending his misery by cutting it off?" Nori laughed as he gestured to the ax.

"Gotta be prepared. Always." Gloin explained. Ori agreed and with a heavy stick, joined behind his brothers. The two turned around and commanded him to stay. "I can help!" Ori pleaded

"Whatcha gonna do? Poke em?" Nori snickered. Dori smacked his arm and gently turned Ori around and guided him to walk back.

"You've got a very important responsibility here to watch over our resources. We'd be nothing without the supplies, and wouldn't last another day." Dori smiled then returned to the fleeting group.

"Watch over my 'tatoes. I like em warm, not burnt. Haha-OW!" Dori smacked Nori upside the head for teasing. The young dwarf huffed and threw the stick to the ground. He was too upset to pay attention where it landed and almost tripped. Ori sat in the company of the remaining two dwarves, Bombur sat silently cooking and eating while Oin was holding an entire conversation by himself. Ori sighed, he knew he was more skilled than this. Bombur offered him a biscuit, Ori took and ate it.

The group of five dwarves urgently followed the sounds of Bofur's yells as they became louder. Out from the bushes, Nori and Gloin charged with battle cries. Both halted when they came across the scene. Seeing Bofur hung while a stranger stood underneath, Nori ran over to attack. The sound of metal clanked as the two daggers met. The two struggled, using their body weights to shove the daggers closer. Breaking off, the stranger dodged Nori's attack. The mystery opponent tripped on their cloak, falling to the ground. Gloin grunted as he swung his ax, aiming for their face. The stranger rolled out of the way in time to avoid it. They sprung up to punch Nori and pivoted to sidekick Gloin's gut. Thrown off, both men dropped their weapons. As the others joined in, the stranger nabbed Gloin's ax. The dangerous tool was swung around frantically with skillful care. The company kept an open perimeter. "CUT ME LOOSE, FOR DURIN'S SAKE!" Bofur yelled. Balin evaded combat to get Bofur down. The stranger saw Balin's effort and chucked the ax at him. The throw just missed, the blade landing right behind the back of Balin's heel. Bofur yelped as his hat dropped down. It fell on Balin's head. The oldest dwarf grunted and threw it off to focus on the task at hand. The hat landed on the stranger's face, obscuring their vision. Bifur and Dori took the opportunity to restrain the assailant while they were blinded, each dwarf grabbing an arm. Bofur kicked and spun around trying to help Balin with his escape "I'm gonna be sick. I'm gonna be sick. I'm gonna be sick."

"Stay still laddie." Balin fussed with the mechanism's knot. It was anchored to a tree with rough bark, the friction helped to hold the contraption together. The stranger threw themselves backwards onto the ground, Dori and Bifur collided heads and released their holds. The stranger tossed Bofur's hat aside and charged at the oldest dwarf. However, the second their palms made light contact with Balin's shoulders, an unexpected force tackled them to the ground. They landed with a painful grunt as the wind was knocked out of them.

"No one attacks my brother!" Dwalin yelled, pinning down the culprit's wrists up to their ears. Their legs flailed less and less under Dwalin as they coughed. Yanking off the hood, Dwalin revealed a female dwarf. "Durin's name…what's this?" Instinctively, he yielded his strength and blushed. The giant brute was embarrassed for her, having to be on top of this poor lass.

"That dwarf there scared mah kill away!" She snarled, regaining a steady breath. The stranger had the same growly dialect as Dwalin and Gloin.

"What is going on here?" Thorin demanded to know as he approached, his nephews following right behind.

"She was going to stab Bofur." Gloin answered, rubbing his hurt stomach.

Thorin with a furrowed brow cut Bofur free. He dropped to the ground and let out a groan of pain. Bofur caught his breath, giving Thorin a thumbs up. Through gritted teeth, Thorin barked an order at Fili and Kili "Get him up." The two pulled Bofur to his feet and Kili handed his hat back. Thorin kneeled beside Dwalin to inspect the attacker and took out a dagger. He pressed the blade against her neck as he questioned her. "Is this true? You tried killing one of my dwarves?"

"No, I was gonna cut 'em loose, and have a friendly talk." She answered him with a sarcastic tone. Thorin put some pressure, not enough to draw blood but his patience was wearing thin. Sensing now is not the time for games, she composed herself. "I just need me rope back, I have no interest in you townies. Now can you let me up?" She asked, looking up at Dwalin. He turned to his king for an answer. The two exchanged no words, but with a single small nod Thorin gave Dwalin the okay to release her. Climbing off, Dwalin offered her a hand up. She took it resentfully and was pulled back onto her feet. She looked over the tarnished rope in frustration "Took me hours ta set that trap; I was gonna catch a stag this time 'round." She spoke out loud.

"You set all these traps yourself? What of the one back at the campsite?" Thorin interrogated. He began to piece together this stranger. She's alone and has been for quiet some time since her skills were immaculate yet scrappy.

"You set those off too?! Gilthok meIf! Haven't wasted enough of me supplies already!" She yelled out in aggravation. Salvaging what she could, the lass stormed off back towards her campsite. The dwarves, making sure she wasn't up to anything malicious, followed behind on the way back to their site.

Balin walked alongside Thorin to discuss more about the she-dwarf. Thorin huffed at his proposed notion. "Balin, you're considering asking that… wild lander to join my company?" Thorin asked defensively. "She started trouble with my company and had no qualms with killing one, under no threat too. We know nothing of her intentions being out here."

"All I am saying is the lass has a valuable set of skills, Thorin. Obviously she knows how to survive in the wild. And what do we have? Gloin, the fire maker?" He asked, both looking over at the disheveled Gloin still groaning in pain. "You know, as do I. We need all the help we can find" Balin reasoned. Thorin crossed his arms, snubbing the idea. Balin chuckled, giving Thorin's shoulder a pat."You leave it to me." He assured the king. As they approached the company's site, the dwarves tensed up. They were ready to brawl again if the newcomer were to do anything unpredictable to their supplies or other members. However, the stranger continued to walk ahead at full speed with no intention of stopping.

Ori used the big stick he tripped over to now draw in the dirt. He was just finishing the details of a lovely liatris sketch when suddenly a stomping foot ruined his work. "Hey!" He looked up to scowl at Nori, but it wasn't his brother. In fact, it was a dwarf he did not recognize. The figure was not engaged in his whine and marched forward. She was walking so intently to her campsite that she didn't notice, nor cared, that she stepped on Bombur's cooked sausages.

Balin, trying to save face, called out and tried to catch up as she walked away. "Tell me lass, what can I call you?"

Looking back at the white haired dwarf, she turned away and answered."I'm called Shail."

"Lovely name. Means "radiant" n' "warrior", very fitting. A lass like yourself in these lands must be off on a journey. Any thought of where you are going? Maybe to the Blue Mountains, or the Iron Hills in the north?" Balin questioned, trying to receive any information. Shail turned around impatiently and finally spoke to the dwarf.

"Nowhere specific. The better question is where are you all off to? The Blue Mountains are back thada way. And none of ya seem like Iron Hill natives. So if all thirteen of ya are traveling there, it must be for business. And ya won't get much business there without no merchandise to haggle. Wouldn't ya agree?" She mouthed off.

"Yes, I'd suppose" He answered taken aback by her abrasiveness. When she turned to walk away again, he knew he had to cut to the chase. The lass' attention was short. "Though that is not were we are heading. No, you see we are off to the Lonely Mountain." Balin informed.

Stopping in her tracks, Shail turned back for the last time and looked in disbelief at him. "I know of only one dwarf who'd think of traveling back to that mountain..." Looking at the stoic black haired dwarf, "Thorin Oakensheild son of Thrain?...So the stories are true." She whispered under her breath.

"Yes, they are." Thorin confirmed walking up to her. He wore a stern look, towering over her. "Most of these dwarves aren't as advanced in survival as you seem to be."

She looked over Thorin's right shoulder to see what characters were in her presence. Shail watched as Bilbo flinched at a horse fly. The strange soft creature blew air and waved the bug away "No shite. I'd say before nightfall you lose half of them. Sorry, I don't travel with townies anyway." She disclaimed with sass.

"Townies?" Kili asked from the back. Thorin looked to the nosey prince, giving his nephew a glare.

"Townies; the folks who live in large packs. All soft and fragile, afraid of messing up your locks." She degraded. "The lot of ya just don't fit in with the wild. At least it don't look that way…" She went to inspect the members one by one. "Here let's take a look at ya. Come here!" She said tugging at a few of them. The lot became a bit defensive, unsure what she was up to. Shail chuckled at their fear. "How well can ya see in the dark?" She asked, looking into Fili's eyes. Shail then used one hand to pry his eye open wider. The prince stepped back and rubbed the irritated area. Turning briskly, she yelled into Oin's trumpet,"What about yer HEARING!?" The old dwarf flinched and groaned at the verbal assault. "Know how ta handle a weapon? Do ya even have one?" She asked Ori. She rummaged through his bag and pulled out his slingshot. "Well this doesn't seem too handy." Tossing it back to him without care, she went on. Ori fumbled the item when caught then held it dearly. "What about hiding your musk? Let's have a smell." grabbing Dori, she took a whiff of his forearm. "Ugh, you smell just like a townie! You need a good mud bath." She said before being shooed away. "I don't come for free either. So what can the great Thorin Oak-en-sheild offer me?" She asked in a mocking tone.

"A portion of Erebor's riches shall be yours!" Balin promised. He went to retrieve a contract from his satchel.

Grabbing the paper, Shail skimmed over it. "So I'd get a bunch of shiny bits?" She asked. Giving a nod, Balin was halted by the abrupt laughter. "I don't need that useless stuff. So I guess you can't offer me anything." Shail went, shoving the parchment onto Balin's chest. "Have fun getting eaten up by that dragon." Parting through the company, a scent caught her attention. She turned to the very large ginger dwarf and asked "Is that a tasty smell?" Bombur held an iced pastry in one hand while nibbling on another. "Well you can give it here." She went to snatch it, but Fili got to the sweet first. He tossed it over to his uncle.

Catching it, Thorin changed the offer on the spot. "I can offer you three meals a day and these so-called 'tasties' whenever accessible." Walking up to her, Thorin waved the dessert cake in Shail's face. "Better to have a meal offered than to chase one down. So , do you say? Will you join us?" He asked.

Shail's eyes followed the treat. "Double my servings on the meals and tasties. I also get first pick on a sleeping area. And get me as close to the Iron Hills as ye can. There, we can part ways..." She counter offered, holding out a hand. The two shook on it. She was officially a part of the company. Snatching her sweet, Shail gave the king a coy grin and took a bite.

"There, Bilbo. You are in a much better state than before." Gandalf assured, cleaning out the burnt Old Tobey from his pipe. The hobbit nodded with a cheery grin.

"Yes. I think I just need to take a little walk and get away from all of that commotion. Now, I am relaxed, rejuvenated, and ready to contribute to this quest" He agreed. The content mood slowly dissolved as he approached the campsite. The dwarves were all packed up and began to move again. He wondered, would they have continued without the hobbit and wizard? Leaving them to fend for themselves stranded in the woods? Did they even notice the two were gone? The members rode past the hobbit, the only one to greet him back was Bofur.

"You all seem to be in such a rush just to be going the wrong way." Gandalf inquired as he looked to the direction he thought the map called for. He stood still while the company went by below him

"We have an unforeseen detour to take first." Thorin gruffed as he rode past the wizard.

"'Unforeseen?'" Bilbo asked, but the king did not answer.

"We have to stop by Shail's campsite to gather supplies." Balin explained riding away from the halfling. Bilbo stammered and was left in his tracks with no answers. The hobbit turned around in confusion and called out to anyone listening ahead of him.

"Whose Shail?" He yelled out.

"Keep yer voice down, you'll get us killed! Ya tryna let the wolves know that suppers' soon?" Shail warned as she rode past. The hobbit was damned. A lady dwarf. He was shocked by the vision in front of him. She did look the part as he had imagined but never thought he would ever witness one in his life. Shail cracked a knot on each side of her neck then spit on the ground. She was a dwarf alright.

"...Is she riding Mrytle?"

[izunias-meme-hole]

In Celebration of Tears of The Kingdom, have a Ganon design ranking,

The Legend of Zelda

Oh… yikes that is HIDEOUS. And the actual artwork is somehow worse. 1/10

Zelda 2

Kinda goofy looking, but he looks ominous and spooky thanks to the shadows, so points for that. 5/10

A Link To The Past (Artwork)

I like how much more refined this look is, but Ganon here looks almost… too cartoony. Still this was the inspiration for any future designs, so I respect it. 6/10

A Link To The Past (Sprite)

Hallelujah! He’s still cartoony, but the greenish blue skin, full on yellow eyes, primarily brown attire, and skull necklace make him look more serious. 8/10

Ocarina of Time/Smash Ultimate

This Beast Ganon design does not just look demonic, but it has a chimera-esque feel to it. Also the greenish blue skin is BEAUTIFUL. Ganon here truly feels like a savage devil, and I’m all for it. Easy 10/10

Oracle Games

This design is 100% a good update to the classic Ganon look, and the hoves complement the look but I don’t like the face and I don’t like the pure blue used here. It’s good for what it is though, and I see it pleasing veteran Zelda fans. 9/10

Wind Waker (Puppet Ganon)

I like the concept behind Puppet Ganon a lot, and I like how well this design fits into the toon link aesthetic. 10/10

Twilight Princess/Smash Bros

A hybrid between a boar, a wolf, and a lion. It’s fitting given how Twilight Princess’s take on Ganondorf was more rage filled than his other incarnations, but this form only exists so Link’s worlf form could square up against another four legged beast. Also that crown should’ve broke after he transformed. 8/10

A Link Between Worlds

This is near perfect. I hate that he’s still bald after so many games, but this is a great take on the classic design. The greenish blue skin is finally here, the shadowy appearance, and the pure white eyes complete this cartoony, yet scary look. 9/10

Yuganon

Yuga… you look great, but god please fix that bald spot. It’s atrocious. Still this is a 9/10

Hyrule Warriors

Even though I wish his skin was that greenish blue, I still think this design is rad as all hell. The humanoid shaped body, with the lion-like mane and tail work so well. 10/10

Calamity Ganon (Mist Form)

While technically not a beast form for Ganondorf, Calamity Ganon was still Breath of The Wild’s Ganon. It definitely has a dragon feel to it, but it’s too obscured by shadows. I’ll just give him an 7/10

Calamity Ganon (Boss)

I love this design. It abandons the pig motif in favor of the haunting visual of spider-like demon with Ganondorf’s features, highlighting that this WAS a man once upon a time. Still, because of it being so over complicated, it’s sadly a 9/10

Dark Beast Ganon

Does anyone else smell burnt bacon? Oh it’s just the neighbors pig being set on fire. 5/10

Cadence of Hyrule

The best Classic Ganon design, PERIOD. He FINALLY has hair, the skin may still be blue, but it isn’t THAT blue, the eyes are a pure yellow, his legs are hooves, and overall it’s a cartoonish, yet menacing appearance. This type of design would fit PERFECTLY into a Link To The Past remake. It’s honestly ironic that Cadence of Hyrule’s Ganon isn’t good in the slightest, but his design is still a banger. 10/10

Skull Ganon

Mmm… ourple bacon. I’m sorry, but I cannot take this look seriously. 5/10

Tears of The Kingdom

Reject pig. Become dragon. In all seriousness though, this was a MUCH needed addition to the Ganon Canon. 10/10

[big-bee-png]

I remade my map and got around to naming all the main factions and major settlements.

Faction info below:

Favon has insect-people. It's iron-poor and overall low-tech but really the idea is supposed to be that "tech-trees" aren't linear.

United Myrmecia: A faction formed from the unification of several ant monarchies. Ruled by a council of queens. Lots of mushroom farming.

Babel: A territorial and isolationist faction of termites. Heavily centralized, without any notable population centers past the gargantuan towering main structure that serves as its capital. Controls the main supply of iron on the continent.

Azure League: A diverse faction formed by several smaller states for mutual defense during an old war. Home of the famous Horned Knights and skilled alchemists. Populated by all kinds of bugs.

Eurus has mammal and amphibian people. No monkeys though those don't exist. There's a high variety in overall "tech-levels" between factions, but each one has things it's the best at.

Nation of Selene: A technologically advanced faction from which the Wayfarers originated. The main user and supplier of electricity, exports Shock Cells. Often accused of poaching scientists from other factions. Mainly canines, felines, rabbits and the like.

Tusk Union: Highly industrial and fairly militaristic, surrounded by dangerous and aggressive wildlife. Brutalist architecture, specializes in metallurgy and biofuel. They got mostly boars, bulls, bears, weasels, etc.

Rhiz Republic: Mostly based on coastlines and wetlands. High food production through fishing and wetland farming, trades a lot with other factions. Lots of boats. Primarily composed of amphibians and semiaquatic mammals.

Subter Hollow: A series of settlements inside the massive cavern system under Eurus' central mountain range, joined in a loose union. Has lots of mining and mushrooms, as well as whatever unusual stuff that can be found in the depths. Mainly moles, bats, rodents and other underground or nocturnal animals.

[fruitzbat]

Food in Devil & the Deep Blue Sea

I thought we'd kick off the Devilverse commentary on this blog with a topic that I get asked about a lot when it comes to my writing. I'll break it down by book and put it under a readmore!

To wit, the one and only thing I can say I ever felt bummed out about with regards to the worldbuilding of Exandria (par for the course for an RPG) was how little focus Exandrian cuisine gets! But I'm not writing an RPG, I'm writing books! And I love food!

Let me know what other topics you're curious about!

Book I: Crowned Teeth

The idea behind a lot of the cuisine in the Hespet Archipelago is that it's supposed to reflect the history of the area: a lot of the free cuisine has a basis in a Nurari custom or cooking method that they taught to those that had come to Nurari communities after having escaped from pirates, but it took on a very different appearance once the communities went their separate ways. For instance, we have the "timanya" that some of the crew eat, which is a free take on a Nurari dish. The word "timanya" is a corruption of the Sardinian dialect word "timagnera", which means an incense burner/thurible. In Nurari tradition, these dumplings are called as such because they're simmered in a pot -- when you lift the lid, the fragrant steam rises in the same way that incense does. The shape of the parcels, as well, is reminiscent of an incense burner.

We see this, too, early on in Vasta when we go to market. Compare the honey-bread and candied currants to the foods that we see in Ganatar: honey and berries are both sweet staples in the region, but where the Nurari put regional berries in barley milk, the free are using foreign products to emulate a similar result.

The Hespet Archipelago in the series is based considerably on the social and economic history of the islands Corsica and Sardinia. This inspiration is also reflected in one of the Hespet's bigger quirks: there are very few cows. You notice that most of the meat and dairy comes from goats/sheep! Sardinia is known for one of its own varieties of cows in the Sarda, which is considered a very small breed. One could also make the argument that the cows are also too busy sunbathing to make milk for the Hespetarians.

Book II: Wine-Dark Sea

"Timanya", as mentioned before, is a corruption of the Sardinian word "timagnera", meaning a thurible or incense burner. We actually see the Nurari dish when Fjord and Jester have lunch in Visumïa, and it's much lighter fare than the free version that Felaun and the Oxendines ate in Viga. While the Nurari still eat boar or cheese as the filling, instead of the dumplings being fried in pink dough, the filling is wrapped carefully in a thin leaf. This and the marrow and beans from the night before are both supposed to illustrate the reversal in the relationship between Fjord/Jester and King, where it's now King leading them through a world that they don't quite understand.

Kingsley's commentary on how to find nice food and drink in Gallu is supposed to serve as an ironic echo of Giada's own predicament, in which all of the good things on the islands and the best of its products are sent far away to succeed.

There's also the granita scene, which was supposed to reflect how much Marquesian influence has touched both the Hespet and the Menagerie Coast (it's the same word, but Jester realizes that the flavors are completely different -- how can a granita shop not have strawberry?).

Book III: Home to Roost, Act I

The Plank King's lunch in Darktow is supposed to show subtle disdain for how much bounty he actually has, and the way he abuses that prosperity (his copious amounts of white wine is for 'swilling out seeds' from between his teeth, for instance) -- a major theme for him in general. These are all things on his table that would take a great deal of effort to acquire, even for him: chilled soup, citrus, parsley, branzino. We see all kinds of feasts with kings where the meat in question is chicken or a suckling pig; I was trying to go for the Denethor vibe while taking into account that Darktow is an island and a maritime power.

But the most important example I can think of when it comes to this part of the book and food would have to be the "henweigh" concept in the Greying Wildlands. The henweigh's specific selection and serving method is very loosely based on something we have in Dublin called a spice bag. I also thought it would be a fun way of alluding to the purple tief's sliding scale of Irishness on the stream (while Tal was going for a Belfast accent and Lucien's accent is somewhat Generic Southern Irish, the inverse is true of spice bags: they're very popular in the Republic, but not so much in the North), and also referencing his bit in canon where he talks about his favorite food being "spiced cream", which as most people have pointed out isn't really A Thing.

Also, "henway" is a Pun Trap much like "updog", "Greek urn," or "Candice". You now have an answer to the question that isn't "8-10 lbs." You're welcome.

[cypriathus]

Here are the three animalistic children of J’Tervazoschin!

Buhemozrita is an animal god who simply values strength, power, and protection of the earth and land animals, never backing down from a good challenge. His motives aren’t inherently malevolent, but he can come across as domineering and intimidating. He’s a fiercely independent and highly decisive entity who doesn’t like to be controlled or manipulated by others. He’s sometimes overly confrontational and aggressive, but he prefers undisturbed serenity, only resorting to violence if needed. He prefers to maintain a stoic and tough interior, but he occasionally leans into his emotional vulnerability when needed. Buhemozrita is an impulsive thrill-seeker that indulges in all kinds of sensory pleasures, but he does try his best to keep those desires under control.

He’s a 410 ft (12496.8 cm) four-legged, omnivorous beast with an Alamosaurus neck, a hippopotamus tail, a round belly, boar tusks, and a muscular back and elephant legs. He has water buffalo horns of heated iron and his body is covered in a thin layer of silvery hairs. His skin is a purplish-grey with brownish specks and rose quartz blushing on the face, joints, and lower back. Buhemozrita’s head is similarly shaped to an iguana and his bones are made from tubes of polished bronze. He has large, flaring nostrils and medium-shaped eyes of sunburst green-hazel with pinkish-red dilated pupils. His mouth is lined with two rows of enormous jagged teeth that get shorter the further back they are, resembling those of an alligator.

Even though all Hirczalotepus Tejasozuri don’t require bodily necessities, he possesses an insatiable appetite, going as far to devour everything in his path. He has absolute strength when in contact with the earth, and supreme invincibility, endurance, agility, stamina, reflexes, and senses. He has total authority over all land beasts, and he can bring orderly calmness to them when things go awry and communicate with them. He’s able to tap into either a berserk or tranquil state of mind that greatly depends on the situation. For example, if Buhemozrita and/or the land animals are being threatened by manmade harm, he’ll release his unstoppable rage in response. He’s free and independent from laws, rules, fate, predestination, concepts, limits, and other types of cosmic, spiritual, mental, physical and mystical jurisdictions, making him highly resistant to their effects. He can survive and adapt to all natural environments, and manipulate the land, land life, earth energy, planetary energy, deserts, mountains, minerals, metals, crystals, and volcanic fields.

FAMILY:

Himanotrude Etluszoripha (aunt)

Äylcephinozur (cousin)

Blodeghuta L’Ægorvinus/Schuzelonta Chatzerbodius (aunt)

Melchjuszrovibta T’Xuljabhoszervi (cousin)

J’Tervazoschin Iazophetus (mother)

Numphoktezrija W’Vheplaktobrinus (younger half-brother)

Liwatozhendus (younger sister)

Zekwaboruchni (younger sibling)

ALIASES/NICKNAMES:

Behemoth

Lord of the Earthly Beasts

Chief of the Ways of Cosmos

The Wrathful Answer of Earth’s Mother

FUN FACTS/EXTRA INFORMATION:

He aided in the creation of land animals and Theszarpoks

He often gets into bloody fights with Liwatozhendus

As an Æylphitus, his name means “to be dumb and speechless, ox of the water or great beast”

Liwatozhendus is an animal goddess who never breaks her promises without notice and solid reasoning, and she dutifully protects the ocean and aquatic animals. As an embracer of change and unpredictability, she can become fairly jaded and disillusioned if she’s had too much of the same thing. She can easily turn to jealousy and self-pity when her desires aren’t fulfilled, and she has no patience for persistence and disrespect. She’s incredibly intelligent and self-confident, but she does indulge in irresponsibly playful behaviours. She’s naturally curious, loyal, and willing to show merciful compassion towards those who earned it. Liwatozhendus sometimes wishes to be left alone, valuing her privacy and not caring much about the outside world.

In regards to her height, she’s often described as being able to wrap around Earth three or four and half times. She possesses seven draconic heads, false killer whale eyes, humpback whale fins, and yellowed canine teeth. She has six gills on each side after the first pair of fins, greenish serpentine tongues covered in a fireproof slime, venom glands, and two fleshy fangs where her upper canines should be. Liwatozhendus have long necks to accommodate their teal frills, which usually stay folded against each side of the head. Her body is serpentine and it possesses impenetrable crocodilian armour with glacier, ocean green, elm, sunglo, and tulip tree epidermal scutes and an iceberg dermal exoskeleton.

Her eyes possess great illuminating power that allow her to see in the dark, and she can breathe fire with radiating fumes. She possesses absolute strength, speed, agility, flexibility, invincibility, stamina, reflexes, senses, intelligence, and lung capacity. She has full dominion over aquatic animals, and she can tap into a primal instinctive state of mind if needed. She’s completely liberated from laws, rules, fate, predestination, concepts, limits, and other types of cosmic, spiritual, mental, physical and mystical jurisdictions, making her highly resistant to their effects. As a literal sea serpent, she has extraordinary adaptation skills in regards to all aquatic environments. She can change her size to the height of a reticulated python, communicate with aquatic animals, and create portals to other bodies of water and Nifjazroghetus. She can also manipulate chaos, light, the ocean, aquatic life, water, and hydrological disasters.

FAMILY:

Himanotrude Etluszoripha (aunt)

Äylcephinozur (cousin)

Blodeghuta L’Ægorvinus/Schuzelonta Chatzerbodius (aunt)

Melchjuszrovibta T’Xuljabhoszervi (cousin)

J’Tervazoschin Iazophetus (mother)

Numphoktezrija W’Vheplaktobrinus (younger half-brother)

Buhemozrita (older brother)

Zekwaboruchni (younger sibling)

ALIASES/NICKNAMES:

Leviathan

Tortuous Serpent

Wriggling Dragon

The Devil Whale

Lady of Fleeing

Weaver of Aquatic Dreams

Duchess of Twisting Waters

Predator of the Awestruck Wonder

Great Beast of the Storming Abyss

FUN FACTS/EXTRA INFORMATION:

She aided in the creation of aquatic animals and Theszarpoks

She often starts fights with Buhemozrita

As an Æylphitus, her name means “to join and connect or wreath”.

Zekwaboruchni is an animal deity who possesses much superior compassion and kindness compared to their two older siblings. They’re immensely polite, possessing a lot of self-control and giving genuine input in conversations when they feel it’s necessary or useful. They’re a cunning planner who will methodically work backwards to decipher critical events needed to make an outcome they desire. Despite being an entity of benevolence and generosity, they can be violent and aggressive, but that’s only directed towards those who threaten the sky and birds. They’re incredibly wise, honourable, goal-oriented, and future-focused, and they possess astonishing strategic thinking and leadership skills.

They’re an extremely massive bird with their head touching the sky and their feet merely covered by the ocean’s surface. They have the wings, body, and legs of an eagle, the tail feathers of an Indian peacock, the claws of a lion, and the head of a canine. Their head, body, and wings are covered in white, purplish-red, and bronze plumage that almost resembles a phoenix. They have four gargantuan wings, bone-crushing hyena teeth, the red comb and V-shaped wattle of a rooster, and golden eyes that spark with lightning.

They have complete control over all flying animals, such as birds and insects, and an incredibly stunning voice that they use to sing during the morning on a daily basis. They possess the ability to manipulate the sky, air, weather, thunder, volant life, shadow, and balance. They have absolute flexibility, senses, reflexes, speed, agility, invincibility, endurance, wisdom, and lung capacity, and supreme strength while flying. They can induce an eternal night through eclipsing the sun with its wings and produce sounds that are capable of affecting anything. Sound produced by Zekwaboruchni can exist at such impossible levels that no defence is possible, leading to complete annihilation of objects in quantum foam. They can instantaneously adjust to any given atmospheric and high altitude environment, and they’re a master of riddles. They can give birth to agate eggs, generate gold as a reward for riddle-solving, and grant people the ability to age slower-than-normal.

FAMILY:

Himanotrude Etluszoripha (aunt)

Äylcephinozur (cousin)

Blodeghuta L’Ægorvinus/Schuzelonta Chatzerbodius (aunt)

Melchjuszrovibta T’Xuljabhoszervi (cousin)

J’Tervazoschin Iazophetus (mother)

Numphoktezrija W’Vheplaktobrinus (younger half-brother)

Buhemozrita (older brother)

Liwatozhendus (older sister)

ALIASES/NICKNAMES:

Ziz

The Avian Sovereign

The Prodigious Bird

The Celestial Singer

Our Triumphant Rooster

Eagle of Divine Justice

Gryphon of the Motherly Horizon

FUN FACTS/EXTRA INFORMATION:

They aided in the creation of volant animals and Theszarpoks

They try to prevent fights between Buhemozrita and Liwatozhendus from happening

As an Æylphitus, their name means “lock of hair, blossom or worm”.

[immaculata-nocturne]

Silk Press Tips for Natural Hair

My head is home to a mixture of type 3C and type 4A hair. The hair stands are thick and my overall hair density is high. It sucks in any moisture around it like a dementor’s kiss stealing a soul.

Therefore, it’s been quite a journey trying to find the correct products and technique to create a truly long lasting silk press. This method has protected my hair during a blizzard in Quebec and the humid heat of the Deep South. Not a frizz in sight!

The silk press typically lasts for weeks. It’s rare that I have to do a retouch.

Products Used:

CHI Silk Infusion

Color Wow Dream Coat Supernatural Spray Anti-Frizz Treatment

A Boar Bristle Brush

A Rat Tail Comb

Any Hair Dryer

Method:

This is always performed in freshly washed hair. It’s not mandatory, but there’s zero build up on clean hair which will give you the best results.

After washing, I moisturize my hair and separate it into sections for manageability during the blow drying process

Next, I spray my hair with Color Wow Dreamcoat. This is activated by heat, therefore I blow dry my hair after applying it.

Once my hair is blown out. I apply the CHI Silk infusion. A little goes a long way. I normally roll my eyes at the dime size recommendations on hair product bottles but in this case it’s accurate. I used approx a dime sized amount, or less, for each section of my hair.

Last, I used the chase method to straighten my hair.

The chase method consists of running a hair instrument, typically a fine tooth comb or brush, through your hair quickly followed by a flat iron.

The flat iron is chasing the comb/brush. It’s right on its tail, hence the chase in chase method.

I usually use a rat tail comb, unless I want my hair to be more voluminous. If I desire more volume, I use the chase method with a boar brush instead. This gives more of a smooth blowout effect rather than a silk press. Nonetheless, it’s still a beautiful style.

It is rare that more than two passes are done. If you have to do multiple passes (3+) with your flat iron, you need to:

Section your hair into smaller sections

Make sure the comb/brush is actually smoothing your hair out

Make certain that your hair is properly detangled

Check to see if you applied enough heat protectant.

Et voilà!

The Silk Press Of Your Dreams