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gingerparker · 1 year

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PULL ON MY THONG

Pairing: College!Peter Parker X Reader

Summary: Peter needs a vacation. So, naturally, he goes to Vegas during his summer break. He's thin on cash and finds a job at a water park! The hot girl behind the bikini bar is a great bonus to his biweekly paycheck.

Warning: Fluff, sexual tension, teasing, slight body worship, drinking (both reader and Peter are 21+)

Word Count: 7158

A/N: let's pretend this wasn't a summer writing challenge... life happened HARD for it to be posted now.. but i hope y'all enjoy anyway ajsjjs DISCLAIMER!! i know the hotel i used here doesn't have a water park but i was too lazy to use a real one sooo it's an invented one!

It's too warm as soon as Peter exits the airport. It's a sticky and dry kind of warmth, no wind of any kind can be felt around him. His small luggage feels like it weighs 5 tons more than it did mere seconds ago and he realizes how stupid it is to have worn dark clothes.

Travellers push past him to find a cab of any kind to get out of the intense heat. Families get into larger Ubers and some are crazy enough to be walking out. Peter is not that determined.

He has to shuffle through the crowd to find a free cab, they are being filled much quicker than he would have thought. Thank god for his faster pace.

Inside the car, he's blasted with cool air, the sweat on his forehead seemingly evaporating.

The drive to his hotel is smooth. He chugs the rest of his water bottle minutes into the ride. Queen's weather didn't prepare him for this.

In only a few minutes he's on the strip. Billboards of all kinds flash around the cab. It's day outside yet he feels blinded by the colourful lights. He sees half-naked men posing with tourists for money as well as showgirls doing the same. He doesn't let his eyes linger too long. The sidewalk is full of people; after all, it's tourist season.

A bright pink flamingo catches his eye, his hotel seemingly calling out to him! Come, Peter! There's some air con in me maybe you could go to my bar or even check out my casin-

"Sir!" he's startled by the harsh voice that calls him, the cab driver.

"Yes?"

"We're here? I've taken you to your hotel" he gestures to the building they are parked next to.

"Oh! How much do I owe you?"

"Y/N, I need you to do the night shift today! Bebe is stuck in St-George, you know how horrible the construction traffic is" Your boss, Xiomara, pleads over the phone. "And I can't come in I have an appointment with my OB"

"What about Charlize?" you ask.

Your phone is on speaker on your bed and you're already looking through the clean bikinis you have ready.

"I haven't been able to reach her, please please please!" she sounds so desperate that you laugh a little.

"Should I wear the blue holo set or go for the pink and red tie-dye one?" Mars squeals loudly, her voice cracks through the speaker on your phone.

"Tie-dye!! You're a lifesaver Y/N/N, I owe you"

"No worries babes, nothing exciting was happening with me tonight" You'll just have to reschedule your date with your vibrator for another day.

"I'll buy you breakfast on your next opening shift! Wait, that's tomorrow, oh god you're gonna be so tired. I can still try and reach Char-"

"Mars! Don't worry so much, keep it going and the baby will just shoot right out of you" you laugh as you pack your bag for the evening.

"I mean I wouldn't complain. I'm very much over pregnancy" she sighs and you only hum as an answer.

You both say your goodbyes and you're quickly doing a makeup look to match your uniform for the night.

Deep red lipstick, a thick black liner that frames your eyes just the way you like and a light amount of everything else. It heats up like crazy in the small bar so you don't want to be sweating it off in seconds. The finishing touch is some body shimmer, that's for the extra tips.

You live in a resort-like rental near the Vegas Strip. Your university funds top students from other states to live in these apartments. When you'd been accepted and offered to house you; you couldn't turn it down. Leaving New York was easy enough, your parents were always travelling for their jobs and your friends were leaving for other schools so it was an easy decision.

A big bonus was that it was only 10 minutes away by foot from your job in a hotel's adult pool.

You gathered all your things and made your way out.

Tuesday nights are the slowest nights. The restricted pool access you work in usually has a long cue to be let in but currently, there are only 5 people. 7 if you count the obviously underage girls that nervously fiddle with their fake IDS.

You've only made 50$ in tips so far which is pretty disheartening. Did you waste your best body shimmer for this?

After cleaning the bar for the third time in the last 10 minutes you give up pretending to be busy. Maybe you should make yourself a drink... A nice cranberry, vodka and watermelon purée slushy... You could even try the new bubblegum gin you received...

As you're trying to figure out what to mix the new alcohol with you spot a guy. A hot guy to be precise. He looks lost as he enters the area and pockets his wallet. His eyes are wide and they seem to be full of awe. First time in Vegas probably. His abs are what make your eyes follow him. For such a soft face the body he has is a pleasant surprise, muscles that don't look too bulky and that highlight the fact that he probably takes very good care of himself.

He looks like a Long Island ice tea type of guy, who likes alcohol but doesn't like tasting it all that much. You almost want to whistle at him or do anything to catch his eye.

He'd be a better date than your vibrator that's for sure.

It's Peter's fifth day in Las Vegas and he just learned about his hotel's private pool. They only let people 21 years old and older in. All he knew was that there was a small water park, and the kids' screaming could be heard throughout the day.

There are more palm trees to cover up this part of the hotel's grounds, giving more privacy to whatever happens here. There's a large DJ booth elevated at the end of the pool and at least 3 different bars. The DJ obviously pressed shuffle on a Spotify playlist and decided to scroll through his phone. The 3 bartenders he sees look bored out of their minds and are seemingly playing a card game. Only about 20 other guests are enjoying the privacy of this section.

He chooses to go buy himself a drink, there's nothing much to do besides that and swim right now.

Right as he's about to go and disturb the guys playing cards he sees a little hut next to the jacuzzi. It's pure white and only has a sign on the front where it's written "Cheeky Chicks" with a bright pink bikini painted on.

His brows furrow before he steps back to look inside.

His eyes widen and his breath hitches. There stands a girl. A half-naked girl. A very very pretty half-naked girl. A girl that's already looking at him. Peter's knees might just give out under him. A smirk forms on your lips when you realised cute hot chiselled guy noticed you. This is going to be so much fun.

"Hi," you say while leaning forward on your bar a little. The guy's face heats up instantly. Red creeps up his chest and onto his face. Peter is incredibly weak for pretty girls.

"Hi," he manages to breathe out.

"Come over here," you say with a wink. No one can tell you that you aren't good at your job.

Peter nods and makes his way over to her. His steps are quicker than he initially wanted, he did want to look cool and nonchalant. Too late now!

"What's your name?" you ask when he reaches your hut.

"Um... I'm not sure" his brain is screaming the answer at him but all he can hear is "her eyes are up there, her eyes are up there, her eyes ar-"

"Mh that's unfortunate, guess I'll have to stick with sexy stranger" your smirk grows when his tongue comes out to lick his lips.

"Right, um, I'm Peter?"

"You sure about that babes?" his eyes get as wide as saucers, nicknames are appreciated... You make a mental note of this.

"Peter Parker," he says "That's my name" he nods to himself. Probably feeling very proud that he's remembered it. God, he's adorable your practically melting.

"Hi Peter Parker, I'm Y/N, it's nice to meet you hot stuff" You lean back to your normal position, he's been working very hard to keep his eyes in respectful eye contact.

"What can I get you, Pete?"

"Huh?"

"You walked up to my bar, don't you want a drink?" you gesture to all the alcohol you have around you.

"Oh! Um what's your favourite?" he looks at the numerous bottles around you.

"Anything turned into a slush" you answer honestly.

"Ok... Something with cherry?" he suggests with a tilt of his head. You nod and get to work.

If you mix your shaker more than usual who could fault you? It keeps his eyes on you as silence settles over. After adding a cherry and coconut slush to the alcohol mix you top it off with maraschino cherries and a bright pink swirly straw.

You hand it over to him, purposefully making contact with his hand. He takes a big sip and your stare falls to his neck. Thick but lean, muscular and so soft looking. He'd look so good with hickeys littered all over it. You could even trail some down, down, down... just under where his swimming trucks start. God, you really need to get off.

"So what do you think, babes?" you ask him as he brings his straw away from his lips. He nods excitedly as a smile spreads on his face. How can you want him to rearrange your insides and bake him a cake all at once?

"It's delicious! I can't even taste the alcohol you put in here" he nods seemingly approvingly and you smile smugly.

"That's how you know it's a dangerous drink" you wink, turning around to quickly put away the things you used to prepare Peter's drink.

"So how much do I owe you?" he takes his wallet out and opens it up with one hand.

Maybe this is your chance to be bold. Get a date out of this incredibly slow day?

"Mh it'll only cost you your phone number" you shrug with a smirk on your face. Peter sputters on the sip he'd taken and flushes from head to toe. He shakes his head quickly and puts down his cup.

"I have to pay you" he goes through the bills he has in his wallet, instantly paling. He counts them again to then meet your eyes anxiously. "Um, any luck this cost under 6$?" he laughs awkwardly taking out the six 1$ bill he had. You cringe and shake your head. Why must you go for the broke cutie? He sighs and shoves the bills into your tip jar.

"I'm sorry, my aunt always tells me to budget better but this trip has got me much shorter on cash than usual..." Peter puts his wallet away, already knowing it's best if leaves as fast as he can.

"How long are you staying in Vegas for?" your question surprises even yourself. You both expect to have him just walk away and forget this interaction happened... but alas you're incredibly weak.

"I don't know really... I bought a one-way ticket so... I'll probably try and get a ticket to leave at the end of summer" which is currently two and a half months away.

"And you already have no cash left??" you gasp. How is that even possible? "Do you have a job? Or a sugar daddy?" you add in a rushed tone, shocked at his quite reckless planning.

"Think I'd look good in a bikini?" he teases. Joking at a time like this? He might just be your soulmate.

"You'd look amazing in a bikini but this is a woman owed and woman run" You sigh dreamily at the thought of Peter in a bikini. New kink unlocked? Or are you just incredibly horny... "Although... one of the lifeguards at the water park quit! Maybe I could get a good word in for you" You start shutting off the lights in your little hut and locking up the coolers and stands around you.

"Now?" Peter exclaims. You ignore his shock and turn back to him. You spot his unfinished slushy and hand it back to him.

"Drink it at least, I'm not doing charity for you not to enjoy it" you tease him before making your way out, locking the side door and hanging up the "Closed" sign.

"Oh and I'm still expecting your phone number"

That's how Peter Parker got himself a job at his hotel's water park. The man running it barely asked him what his name was before he was hired. They made sure that he had the right certification for a lifeguard job and the next day he was on the schedule. Well, they wrote him in with a Sharpie and they spelt his name wrong but he had a job!

The kids were... tolerable, the pay was ok and the conditions were bearable. His favourite part, however, is the hottie that always put extra cherries on his alcoholic slushes.

It's been three weeks now since he was able to pay back the first one, and it's also been three weeks since you've exchanged numbers.

You've been texting back and forth like crazy. Just facts about your days when you aren't working at the same time or you even like to have him pick out your bikini. He gets exceptionally shy and takes forever to answer but, surprisingly, he's got impeccable taste. Peter knows it's because of how attracted to you he is. Getting to know you has only deepened how doomed he is, how quickly his feelings have shifted from plain lust.

"So you haven't fucked yet?" Ned's voice is loud out of his phone speaker and it scares the shit out of Peter. He's on his lunch break and it's his weekly bro date with Ned. They have lately been full of your name.

"No, women and men can be friends. You know this" Peter knows full well that he'd ditch the friendship in a heartbeat for something more. He'll keep this act up tho, more gentlemanly... right?

"Not when they obviously wanna bone Pete... You're telling me not even a steamy make-out session?" Peter is glad they decided not to FaceTime because he knows what face Ned would be making right now and he doesn't want to see it.

"No" He wishes. He wishes so badly. Like it's actually starting to concern him how much he just wants you to sit on his lap, put your hands in his hair, maybe pull a little, definitely call him babes like you alw- See? He's going insane.

"That's sad Petey, get a move on! If Y/N is as hot as you say then you can't waste any time!" Ned's voice is so diplomatic it's weird but comforting.

"Oh. My. God. Babes you talk about me?" your chipper voice almost startles Peter off his seat and onto the suspiciously green floors.

Peter looks at you with a terrified expression on his face, like you've caught him mid-murder. Damn, his Peter Tingle for not warning him of your arrival!

"Is that her? Y/N! PETER WANTS TO FU-"

His phone is thrown across the room at record-breaking speed, destroying it. You barely seem surprised.

The silence that takes over the room gives Peter time to look you over. What you're wearing today has to be lingerie... just enough is left to the imagination and it's hypnotising. The way the slightest movement makes you look, the up and down of your chest as you breathe, how you look walking closer to him. Wait, walking closer??

His eyes snap up to meet yours as you walk over to him.

"Take me out tonight" You lean down to his eye level. The eye contact you hold is intense. So much is communicated through facial expressions. Peter's mind repeats your statement over and over, making sure he actually heard the right thing.

"Where?"

"Anywhere near an Apple Store so we can get you a new phone" you wink.

Smoking hot date, check.

Carefully picked out outfit, check.

Cute but comfortable makeup, check.

Get Peter a new phone before the date actually starts, check.

You and Peter are now slowly making your way down the Vegas Strip. With the ending goal in mind to find someplace interesting to eat. You walked past many many different restaurants but nothing that made you stop walking.

Peter's hand holds yours loosely, the hot weather unsuitable for real hand-holding. He's wearing a light pink shirt with flamingos and flowers patterned around it, obviously, he hadn't packed a "date shirt" before leaving New York and bought it at his hotel. His legs are barely hidden away by his short jeans short that have numerous rips in them... God you want to bite his thighs.

"You're staring at my legs again" You can hear him smirking through the tone of his voice.

"Oh shut up!" you knock your shoulder onto his arm with a laugh.

"It's fine this most likely compensates for the number of times I've at your boobs... or your ass... or anything really when you have a bikini on" he gestures with his free hand to you. Most likely visualising a bikini on you now.

"Mh, that's true... I'll keep staring then!" you smile proudly winking at him. His face and neck flush pink as he ducks his head. He's so fun to tease always so responsive.

Conversation is easy. It always is. Your personalities mesh together perfectly which makes hanging out with him so fun.

This being more officially a date has put weight on both of your shoulders. Somehow, it's made a sliver of anxiety surround the both of you. It must mean you both want this date to go well; to have many more after.

"Oh! How about hot dogs?" Peter points to a small restaurant to his left.

"Those are probably, like funky hot dogs... I'm down, let's go!" you tug him towards Haute Doggery.

You're both greeted by a woman behind the counter when you walk in. The place is small, with four two-person tables and a high counter along one of the only bare walls. That said it's cosy and inviting so you're immediately excited.

"Wow! A foot-long hog dog??" Peter gasps as he reads the menu. You giggle at his reaction now reading the menu yourself. So many options to choose from... "Want to share two regular-sized speciality ones?"

"Only if we get fries" you nod seriously, now choosing a hot dog to share with him.

"I definitely want to try the mac and cheese one" Peter looks away from the menu to meet your eyes.

"Good choice! I saw we get that one and the breakfast one, I can never say no to hash browns"

Once you receive your order you make your way to one of the tables, ready to absolutely dig in. Peter takes the time to precisely cut in half both hot dogs and gives you your pieces.

"Cheers!" you say knocking your half with his before taking a generous bite of the breakfast delight.

"So this is my room!" Peter shuffles inside his hotel room before holding the door open for you.

The room is nothing crazy. One queen bed in. the middle, a dresser with a tv on top of it, grey carpet flooring, pinkish walls, a bathroom and a balcony overlooking the pools and the waterpark.

You make your way over to his freshly made bed: thank you housekeeping. You sit down on it beckoning Peter over to you. He toes off his shoes in a hurry before practically lunging at the spot next to you. Cute.

"Had fun, cutie?" you look at him with seductive eyes and a warm smile. You want him to be putty in your hands.

Peter reacts immediately to the name you call him, blushing and wide-eyed.

"Yeah, you're easy to talk to and really sex- I mean smart. Really smart." his words seem to be tumbling out of his mouth in a panic.

"Babes, calm down!! You can compliment me. Physically too" you smack his chest feeling the firm muscle of his peck.

He only nods as an answer but keeps his eyes locked with yours. You're the one to break the eye contact to glance at his lips. You want to kiss him so bad...

"Can I kiss you?" Peter might be a mind reader.

"Please" is what you answer.

Kissing Peter is immediately addicting. He's so enthusiastic, kisses like his life depends on it. His left hand goes to your back and his right cradles your jaw. Your own move around his body. Gripping his muscles, tangling in his hair, slipping under his shirt. You're having a great time exploring his body.

You bite his bottom lip playfully, tugging it towards you and it makes Peter moan in delight.

"You're so hot, I'm going insane" he mumbles between desperate kisses.

You only hum in answer wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him down above you. His body is so warm against yours like he's on fire. You tug off his shirt, to help him cool down is what you tell yourself.

"I know I see you without a shirt more than with one but this is so much sexier" you trail your fingers all. over. him.

Peter turns you onto your side to unzip your romper. His lips never leave yours, the contact staying feverish and fast. It's like he wants to eat you whole. Maybe he does, you'd let him.

The shrill sound of your ringtone startles you, causing you to knock your chin into Peter's nose as you look up.

He groans as you reach to silence the (incredibly rude) device. Unfortunately, your index has other plans and presses the accept call button.

"Y/N?" Xiomara... This can only mean bad news.

"I know you're on a date and I'm so incredibly sorry to be doing this. I just went into labour and you're literally in the hotel somewhere..." Her voice is strained and you breathe out in exasperation.

Peter's head drops into the crook of your neck. His hands don't start roaming, they travel, map your body out. Every single inch of skin he can reach. Inside the romper, your face, legs, arms... Anything and everything.

"I... I don't have a bikini" you manage to say.

"I really don't care what you wear. Actually, you know what I don't care about the bar right now never mind" She hangs up immediately.

"Thank fuck for that" Peter exclaims dragging the rest of your romper off.

You laugh as he readily gets back to what he was doing. His lips on yours, guided your hands into his hair and hips bucking into yours.

Yeah, this is so much better than taking over "Cheeky Chicks" for the evening.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker #tom holland spiderman #mcu spiderman #spiderman #peter x reader #tom holland x reader

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these-conquered-woodlands · 6 months

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the order of the phoenix members & co as incorrect quotes pt 2

(as an anniversary post to one of my favorite incorrect quote collections)

molly: Alright, listen up you little shits. molly: Not you Harry. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

tonks: Hey guys, I found a spider. Cool little lad. Thanks for eating the mosquitos. tonks: Oh no, where did it go? mad-eye, standing on a chair: TONKS WHAT THE FUCK?!

remus: Snape has only scowled at me three times this week. Our acquaintanceship is really improving.

dumbledore: I've been expecting you, harry. harry: How did you do that without turning around? dumbledore: Let's just say the first few people I did that to were not you.

kingsley, warning about a death eater coming at tonks: To the left! tonks: Take it back now y'all!

tonks: What happened to your nose? mad-eye: I used it to break someone's fist.

snape: You read my diary?

dumbledore: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a handwritten book about a kind of sad fellow. And then I came to a chapter called 'I hate my fucking bosses,' and thought it sounded a little too familiar.

sirius: I apologize for saying 'fuck' during the meeting and horrifying these dear kids. molly: You just said it again. sirius: I am not a role model.

tonks: Mad-eye said it's my turn with the brain cell! sirius: Alright, square up-

sirius: What do you call a dictionary on drugs? kingsley: "Addict-ionary"? sirius: I was actually going to say "high definition", but your answer's much better. kingsley:…

dumbledore: It’s nice to be wanted, you know? minerva: Not by the law!

remus, during deathly hallows probably: There’s always that weak little shit in the group who isn’t down with murder. remus: *glares at harry* harry: Well, sorry I have morals!

tonks: So if our plan goes poorly, where should we meet up? mad-eye: The afterlife, probably.

molly: Where are you going? fred and george: To either get ice cream or commit a felony. We'll decide on the way.

tonks: You didn't think maybe we'd need some actual weapons? dumbledore: Knowledge is the best weapon- tonks: I’m pretty sure weapon is the best weapon.

*trying to solve some mystery*

ron: I've connected the two dots. hermione: You didn't connect shit. ron: I've connected them.

tonks: Who the fuck- kingsley: Language! tonks: Whomst the fuck- kingsley: No.

mundungus: I think I mostly want to see what happens when this whole place breaks apart.

hermione: Harry says thanks for popping by. He’d love to chat but he's up to his eyes in homework. perhaps if you could come by next week- snape and remus, coming to check on him: He’s climbing out the window isn’t he? hermione:

sirius: *closes a cabinet* a crash is heard behind the cabinet door molly: What was that? sirius: sirius: The sound of someone else's problem.

*after discussing a plan* dumbledore: Does anyone have any questions? kingsley: Is this legal? dumbledore: Does anyone have any relevant questions?

tonks: Hey mad-eye, are you awake? mad-eye: what tonks: Are you awake? mad-eye: Who the fuck do you think just said ‘what’?

harry, at the end of order of the phoenix: You guys really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? arthur: Several air traffic violations. kingsley: Three counts of resisting arrest. mad-eye: Roughly thirteen bottles of firewhiskey (collectively). tonks: *pointing at the knight bus* Also, that's not our bus.

Bonus:

dedalus, hestia, and those other guys in the order who are rarely mentioned in the books watching the main characters' shit go down: -The actual fuck is happening now??

#i feel like that first quote was invented exactly to describe harry and molly's interactions lol #harry potter #order of the phoenix #hp incorrect quotes #nymphadora tonks #albus dumbledore #minerva mcgonagall #mad eye moody #kingsley shacklebolt #sirius black #remus lupin #severus snape #molly weasley #ron weasley #hermione granger

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mixes-archive · 2 years

Note

Can we get König with a loud assertive reader? They have a past in bullying, and as we know König was bullied heavily as a child. So kind of a yin and yang situation.

What if at base (y/n if only visiting, they don’t work there, they aren’t a soldier and have a normal job) and someone starts picking on König, y/n rounds the corner and punches the fully trained soldier to the ground in one hit- and then shaking their fist and looking to their bf saying something like “well I haven’t done that in a long time” *insert cute giggle* then kicks the guy as hard as they can in the gut while he’s on the floor. König is just 👀🧍‍♂️😳

Bonus if the soldier gets up and König is just like I think tf not and stands in front of y/n/blocks them with his body protectively. <33333

Get decked, noob

OOC BUT OMG I LOVE THIS REQUEST THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ANON, SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG BUT EXAMS HAVE BEEN KICKING MY ASS, ANYWAY I LOVE THIS SO MCUH YOU ARE MYBFACOURITE ANON NOE BUT DONT TELL THE ITHERS!!

You couldn't wait to see the look on Königs face!

For once, your boss had actually let you go home earlier. You had no idea why they did, but what did it matter? An occurrence like that should be celebrated! With food!!

You had visited Königs 'Oma' in Austria a few weeks back and managed to mooch a bunch of recipes from her that brought comfort to your lover back in his childhood. He had been really down for the last two weeks and now you finally had time to surprise him with one of those dishes!

It was a little after noon, he had told you his lunch break was at two, so you had a good hour and a half to cook this thing and deliver it to him so he didn't have to buy a stale meal from the cafeteria he was always complaining about. No pressure at all!

There was no time for debating what to make, you closed your eyes and picked one at random. Kaiserschmarrn! That looked easy enough.

Thank god it was easy enough to cook as you thought, you even added raisins. You couldn't quite comprehend how this man loved to add them to every sweet you let him, but if he likes it, you're doing it. You even found some apple sauce in the fridge, choosing to put it into a smaller, different container (while praying it was airtight because you just couldn't deal with spillage right now).

You put it all in a baggie, added a cute little note with a drawing of him and left your house. You just managed to catch the bus in the direction of his work, stopping only a little before.

The ride was a little stressful, traffic was slow and you had to wrap his meal in your coat so it stayed warm.

Once you finally got off, you pretty much sprinted towards the massive base. Pretty much everyone knew you there already, returning your cheery, loud greeting and pointing you in Königs direction before you could even ask. They've done this enough times to know exactly what you were there for.

You ran of with a quick thanks and entered one of the many buildings on base. Were it not for the numbers written on them, you would've definitely gotten lost in all these similar-looking buildings.

Navigating through the corridors, you relied on the signs on the walls to not get lost. The place seemed almost deserted, most soldiers would be in the mensa around this time.

Hope was almost lost until you heard talking! Finally, you could ask someone for directions instead of relying on signs in a language you stopped trying to understandin a long time ago. It even sounded like... König! Talking to someone! Oh you couldn't wait to surprise him! Sneaking up on the corner, you waited for the perfect time to strike.

You really hadn't meant to eavesdrop. Hell, you felt kind of bad for a second, but hearing their conversation made you glad you were there.

"God König, is it that fucking hard to land a shot? Honestly, it's bordering on pathetic... How did someone like you make it this far?"

"Look I- ich hab mich ja schon entschuldigt... Es tut mir wirklich leid, Mann."¹

"And will you stop acting like a baby? It's embarrassing. Hah, no wonder everyone picked on you back i-"

SLAP.

You hadn't given him the chance to finish his insult, putting all your anger into the punch. He fell to the floor, but you were far from done with him, giving him a few strong kicks to the stomach for good measure.

"Haha, haven't done that in a looonnggg time. Hey babe!"

"Ich- öhhh, hallo Schatz? What are you doing here?" König visibly relaxed, but was still playing with his hands, slowly swaying in a side to side motion with his hips. You ran up to hug him, burying your face in his massive, albeit covered, tibbies.

"Missed you. Got out of work early." You stuck your hand carrying the back into the direction of his face. "Lunch."

A smile made it's way in your face when you heard him giggle. He gently pulled the bag from your hand and opened it. Even with his mask, his eyes had that obvious smile in them.

"Wow! Did you make this?" He wrapped his arms around you, slightly leaning into your body.

"Yeah, tried one of the recipes from good ol' Oma!"

"Don't call her old! But... Thank you. Both for lunch and punching this fucker in the face. He made me very uncomfortable." His arms got tighter, pulling you further into him.

"Is he why you've been so sad recently? I've got a few more punches left in me!"

"Yes, but I don't think he'll be bothering me any more." He turned his head away, looking at the space behind you, his voice suddenly growing deeper. "Will he?"

A quiet 'no' was audible before panicked footsteps moved away from your location.

"Anyway, why don't you stay until my break is over? I know a beautiful place a few minutes away from here. Es wären nur wir beide?"²

"How could I ever say no to that, mein König?"

Translation:

¹ "Look, I already apologized. I'm sorry, man."

² "It would only be us two?"

Bonus:

"God, I can't wait to eat this Kaiserschmarrn... It smells so gooddd" You could practically hear the drool running down his chin, giggling at the thought.

"Do you only use me for food?"

He didn't respond, choosing instead to pick you up, bridal style, and start running.

"HEY! Don't distract from the question!! You would me König, you wound me..."

You dramatically feigned fainting as he started laughing loudly, the laugh you loved so much.

#könig x reader #konig x reader #call of duty x reader #cod x reader #könig call of duty #call of duty

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ask-team-misfit · 9 months

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Curiosity Didn't Kill the Cat, but We're Not So Sure She's Coming Back

Imagine you were on your way home from work. It's been a rough day. Maybe your boss was ranting about some nonsense that'd only make sense to close-minded people. Maybe you have that annoying coworker that got on your last nerve, and you have to cover for them like always. Or maybe you're just not that fond of your job to begin with, regardless of the likeability of your peers and superiors.

Or maybe you quite like your job, but a break would be nice. Anyways.

Imagine making your way back to the solace that is your home, be it messy, or very clean, and everything in between.

Then you turn a corner to hear this.

??: "E-excuse me. Um, I just need to g-get by… please?"

CRUNCH.

There goes another car.

??: "Oops…"

It was evening, the last leg of rush hour. Typically in this part of the Sciliva region, let alone in most places of the world, one wouldn't expect the appearance of a twenty-something foot tall Twileon trying to make her way down a busy street barely wide enough to accommodate her. One may not also expect, upon beholding the above scenario, for the giantess to successfully do such a thing without some sort of accident or some element of chaos to otherwise ensue; in which one would absolutely be correct.

While such accidents have been limited to the destruction of property for the moment, her appearance alone soon attracted a crowd. Reactions ranged from disbelief on part of her being some sort of hybrid or mutant Pokemon, to displeasure from her blocking traffic, and everything in between. Some even took to recording the event with cameras, or reporting on it. Some yelled at her directly.

Speaking of yelling, she heard a lot more of it right then, regarding that smashed automobile. When she spoke again, she sounded even more hushed and timid.

[ ID: A grayscale drawing of Pikavee gazing down with unease at a crowd of people before her. Among the crowd are characters from other ask blogs, featured here as cameos. The characters and blogs in question are listed further below. Pikavee's appearance is as described here. End ID ]

??: "Oh, I know I'm m-making a mess… a-and I'm really, really sorry…"

Surely with self awareness that she's disrupting the commute will come the realization that she probably shouldn't be here.

But the giantess, Pikavee, persisted anyway.

[ featuring the following characters: Hendrik and a bonus Sol doing the pointing Wojak meme from @ask-sarah-and-co ; Venus from @borealis-siblings ; Kats from @luckykatsranch ; Iris from @phantomguild ; Monarch from @ask-noonescity ]

[ next ]

Character page for Pikavee reestablished unlocked.

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mrbexwrites · 2 months

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OC in 15

Thanks so much for the tag @surroundedbypearls! Logan sounds like a fun chap!

Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you’re free to include those as well!

Continuing into hell to edit and after I made this post about Nora, I wanted to focus on her some more!

“Holy shit! Bitch! I was beginning to get worried!” A hoarse voice yelled at me down the phone. “I know you said not to panic until a week had passed, but, girl, when I saw you go off with that guy and the state you were in...shit! Are you okay?”

“Where are you? I’m coming to you. This is going to be such a scoop! Jared is going to shit himself when he finds out!”

“A scoop! A first for Nora Ling! I can almost feel the Pulitzer in my hands! How do I look?”

“With me, is Deputy, uh, Deputy Ward of the Sheriff’s Office,” Nora quickly recovered. In her eagerness to land her scoop, she’d not gotten Ted’s name, so had to quickly squint at his name badge. “Deputy, can you confirm the rumours that you’ve found Amy?”

“But when I ran the plates a couple of days later, it wasn’t a cab. The car had been reported as stolen from a local resident in Luna,” Nora came up and slung an arm around my shoulder. “But the plates didn’t match the car listed on the DMV. So, chop shop, right? I went to the police in Albuquerque, but got poo-pooed. They wouldn’t even take a witness statement from me. So, I went to my boss at the paper, and he basically told me to go and take some photos at the dog fair.”

“Fuck!” Nora had finished her call. “Fuck! Fucking Courtnee Fucking St. Claire-James. Fuck. That fuck-face Jared, has taken the story, that I broke, from me, and is sending in Courtnee St.Claire-James to take over. Because she has ‘better screen quality and gravitas’. Fuck!”

“I can dream. Just a ‘Nora Ling who broke the story’, you know? My scoop! My five minutes of fame, and introduction to investigative journalism. But Jared just erased me with a wave of his hand, and now Courtnee St. Claire-James is getting all the credit. Ugh!”

“We’ll be there,” Nora had turned her attention back to the conversation. “Courtnee just posted that she can’t get anyone to comment from the Sheriff’s Department. I can’t imagine her face when I waltz in and get a quote from Sheriff Harris himself,” she smiled slyly, and also helped herself to one of my pancakes, having polished off her own.

Nora watched him leave, and closed her laptop when she saw one of the photojournalist’s staring at her. She gave him the stink eye. “Yeah, that’s right buddy. The scoop was mine!” [...]“It’s a dog eat dog world in journalism. If you think none of them would push me into oncoming traffic for a chance to get inside the Sheriff’s Office, then you’re more naive than I thought.”

“You know, she’s only the face of the Independent Chronicle’s social media department because her dad owns the paper, and paid for her boob job.”[...]“Of course! I’d kill to have those connections, and I’d rinse the hell out of them. Do you know how far ahead of my career I’d be if my dad owned a newspaper, or news channel? Why? Why did Ju-Long Ling have to be a dentist?!”

“Holy fucking shit!” Nora sounded as if she was screaming. “Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! I have so much to tell you, but first; I need the deets. Tell me everything. Fill me in. I have five million followers who need to know!”

“I’ve...uh...I’ve stolen a copy of the letter. It was just lying out. I took a quick snap when the forensics guy put it down to fill in paperwork. Does that count as interfering with a crime scene?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Nora waved me away. “I’ve got releases for them. I’m not a monster. I have ethics, y’know.”

(On meeting Avery) “You know who I am!” Nora looked like she might faint with happiness. “I was at one of your parties that you threw at Samson’s in twenty-eighteen. It was the best night of my life”

“I’m never drinking again,” she croaked. “Why are all the phones ringing at once?”[...]“I don’t understand how they are still upright,” Nora groaned. “Words in my head are too loud. I’m going to be silent forever.” [...]“Some booze,” Nora looked green. “You were behind the bar, pouring cups of tequila into the basin.”

Passing the tag onto @kaylinalexanderbooks @warriorblood1 @andromedaexists @cowboybrunch @darkangel319 and open invite to anyone who wants to :)

#tag games #morgana dodds

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lunarsilkscreen · 10 months

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Minimum Wage, and beyond

Let's use any store for an example:

Minimum wage is set at $15 an hour.

In order to break even, which is arguably the entire point of a business to begin with. You need to pay your employees hours worked.

That means you need to sell 2 $10 sandwiches an hour per employee. You make cost of ingredients AND pay that employee.

Now, back in the day before utilities were a thing: water, power, refrigeration, ectera... You didn't need EXTRA to pay the utilities. It wasn't a thing. That's why bartering worked, because the shopkeep could sell goods to the next sap to walk in the door.

And, besides from the assholes, rent wasn't a thing. You bought a plot of land, took out a loan to hire a carpenter and built your house and business on the same spot, called it a day. (Or got some buddies and some brewskis and did it yourselves.)

There's building codes, and inspectors, and utilities, and you have to worry about termites, carpenter ants, other pests, mold, mildew, ASBESTOS!

You gotta pay all *that* on top of the doctor that owns the business that you manage for him while he's in the Bahamas. He's never there, he rarely checks in, he just wants to foot the bill for a continuous dividend.

And shit if you fuck it up, or the business is in a location with no foot traffic. (And since it's to expensive to go outside, now you only interface with people delivering to other people! And those other people will give you a bad review when they inevitably receive their food cold.

Did I mention it was good for nothing doctors that recommended asbestos in the first place as a miracle insulation?

So how the f* are you supposed to make enough money to pay yourself, your employees, and your boss AND STILL HAVE ENOUGH TO PAY UTILITIES!

And on top of *that* what's the next step since you don't work for a corporate infrastructure that has hierarchy beyond *some doctor who owns this place*?

Unless you manage to figure out how to convince the doctor landlord to pay you a bonus for making astronomical returns, this is it buddy. This is your life.

I hope you enjoy Pizza.

So how is it possible that anybody make more than that? How is it, that somebody can get a loan of A BILLION DOLLARS. Refuse to pay it back, and then not go to jail? Is it because you'd have to be an idiot to loan out that much? Well if you got that much to lend, it must be fine.

In America, "pawn stars" has ensured that bartering is like an old fashioned nearly ancient way to make money. Goods are money, disposable items means you can't sell anything. Hell, I've never seen anything at a garage sale go for more than a couple bucks.

The goods as currency just doesn't work if everybody is just waiting to "storage wars" your old stuff when you can't pay your mortgage anymore. It's not value, it's icing for land owners and banks.

So tell me, how is value store supposed to work for the average person? We need to spend money to eat, and for the economy to work, it's mathematically impossible to make ends meet at a business that sells food if the local population doesn't come eat at your establishment.

On a macro scale, what we have isn't working at all.

It wasn't working when minimum wage was $7 it isn't working with minimum wage at $15. We checked the math twice.

How do you ensure an employee can afford room and board, and still have time to participate in politics to ensure a working government and economy?

That is the questions we're trying to answer as we look at the entire system from a macro perspective.

We have to ensure that the plumbers, and the farmers, and the electricians and the mechanics can all get paid a living wage, but they cannot if there is nobody who can afford their services.

So how do we make sure, that the "dirty jobs" that "nobody wants to do" actually have demand for use, AND return on investment to the individual doing them?

I think, that it should be illegal for a residential unit to be used on AirBnB. I think, that they should have to be zoned like regular inns and hotels. I also think, that if somebody who *owns* the house they're living in, or you know, has a mortgage. Then you should mind your own damn business if they have an OnlyFans. unless they're keeping you up at night, or out in the streets, I don't think you should care.

I also think that rental housing should also follow the same rules for Hotels and apartments. They should be zoned for that, and they shouldn't count towards the theoretical residential housing that the city thinks they have.

At the very least, it'll ensure that there's a supply of people nearby to buy pizza from Dr. Pizza's Pizza and Law office.

And you'll be able to keep track of your homelessness issue.

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sleepless-translation · 2 years

Text

Phantom Troupe Drama CD English Translation-Track 10&11

CD : HUNTER×HUNTER～Next Episode Scene 3 幻影旅団 (Link)

Track 10. 誘惑の悪魔の右手 “Devil’s right hand of temptation” starts at 35.15

Track 11. 自意識過剰なチカン騒ぎ? “Overly self conscious pervert incident?” starts at 38.46

Disclaimer:

This is a fun bonus content from the 1999 anime that I decided to translate because I want others to enjoy it too (´꒳`)♡ Do note that some of the characters might act in an unusual comedic manner. TW: This one has non consensual touching mentioned.

Summary:

These two scenes take place when half of the troupe is riding the train to look for the chain user, where a dispute happens twice in a row! Wait… who’s the culprit again?

10.

[Nobunaga] Why is the Phantom Troupe riding a friggin’ train?

[Shizuku] Because boss isn’t interested in a car that can hold six people.

[Machi] Plus, we're out of gas.

[Pakunoda] Stop complaining. There’s no traffic jam by train, and it’s convenient to go around the city. Right, Boss?

[Chrollo] Hm? Ah, yeah..Hahaha...

[Nobunaga] That was shrill.

[Machi] His laugh is unusual.

[Pakunoda] Boss..?

[Machi] To begin with, won’t it be better to run if we’re in a hurr- … What is it, Shizuku?

[Shizuku] I’ve been touched.

[Machi] What?

[Shizuku] Someone had touched my butt.

[Machi] A groper?

[Shizuku] it would seem so.

[Machi] What a jerk. I never thought the Phantom Troupe would have to deal with a groper.

[Shizuku] Don’t worry, we’ll catch him.

[Machi] Paku.

[Pakunoda] I heard everything. Let’s catch him together in the count of 3.

[Machi] Okay. 3, 2, 1, go!

*Hyah*

[Machi] Huh?

[Shizuku] Did you get him?

[Pakunoda] We did, but…

[Machi] What the hell…Kortopi?!

[Shizuku] The groper is… Kortopi?

[Nobunaga] Hey, what’s going on? What do you mean by groper?

[Machi] Apparently Kortopi touched Shizuku’s butt.

[Chrollo] Is that true, Shizuku?

[Shizuku] Yes.

[Chrollo] Kortopi, did you touch Shizuku's pretty and cute butt?

[Pakunoda] Did he just say pretty…and cute..?

[Kortopi] Maybe I did.

[Machi] Grr. What do you mean by “maybe”?! What Paku and I got a hold of is your right arm, isn’t it?

[Kortopi] It is, without a doubt, mine. But…

[Shizuku] But..?

[Kortopi] It’s the Devil's right hand doing.

[Pakunoda] Are you saying it’s your nen ability’s fault?

[Kortopi] Yeah. My hand moves on its own, towards the temptation in front of it.

[Machi] Hmm? That’s your excuse?

[Kortopi] Mhm.

[Shizuku] So it was your ability that caused it.

[Pakunoda] That’s not a problem, then.

[Kortopi] Mhm~

[Machi, Shizuku, paku] As if!

[Machi] Shut it and give me your right arm! I'll cut it off.

[Kortopi] Eek!

[Chrollo] Wait. Calm down, you three. Let me handle this one.

[Shizuku] If the Boss says so.

[Machi] No other choice.

[Chrollo] Well, there’s no doubt it happened. So, Kortopi…How was it?

[Kortopi] "How”..?

[Nobunaga] Boss is asking how it felt like, Kortopi-kun.

[Kortopi] Umm. It was soft.

[Chrollo] Hm~Hm ~ so it was soft…

[Nobunaga] “For example, what would you compare it to?” is what Boss is going to ask.

[Kortopi] Hmm. Gummy bear?

[Chrollo] I see. Soft like gummy bears...

[Nobunaga] Alright. There’s one thing left.

*menacing music*

[Machi] What…

[Nobunaga] Ah, you got it all wrong. Boss is just investigating. Right, Boss?!

[Chrollo] Y-yeah. I meant no disrespec-

[Machi, Shizuku, Paku] Die! all three of you!

*Kapow*

════════ End of track ════════

11.

[Machi] Dammit. Men are all the same

[Shizuku] Now, now. What’s done is done.

[Machi] Weren’t you the victim?!

[Pakunoda] Yeah. You have to be firm about these things.

...

[Machi] Paku?

[Shizuku] What’s wrong?

[Pakunoda] N-No. It’s nothing.

[Shizuku] Okay then.

*Badump badump* *Jazz music playing*

[Pakunoda] Someone touched me. Did Boss…touch my butt? Even though we already went through this thing earlier. if it really was him…No. I can’t. I’m not that kind of person. But, if it were to happen somewhere else. I-

[Machi] Paku?

[Pakunoda] Right. If only he had told me about it properly, I would have- Quarrels between troupe members are, in fact, prohibited. I wonder if the same goes for romantic affairs…

[Machi] Paku!

[Pakunoda] Huh? What?

[Shizuku] You were spacing out, like you were lost in your own world.

[Pakunoda] I-is that so? I’m just a little tired.

[Shizuku] Is it your age?

[Machi] Shizuku! Don’t talk about Paku’s age.

[Pakunoda] That’s true. At my age, it’s about time I got married.

[Chrollo] Don’t say that. I still need you to work for me, you know.

[Pakunoda] Boss…Thank you very much. Hm? Huh?

[Chrollo] What's wrong?

[Pakunoda] Both your hands are on my shoulders..so, this is…

[Nobunaga] Huh? What is it, Paku? What are you doing with my Katana?

[Pakunoda] Boss’s hand is…Nobunaga’s Katana? Nobunaga..?!

*Paku’s mental breakdown*

[Machi] Paku?

[Shizuku] She said “katana…”

[Machi] Nobunaga, what did you do to Paku?

[Nobunaga] N-No. No. Machi, wait. Listen. I didn't do anything!

[Shizuku] But, she kept saying “Nobunaga, Nobunaga…”

[Nobunaga] Hey, Paku. Say something! I'm innocent. I'm being wrongfully accused here!

[Machi] Nobunaga, did you…

[Shizuku] Grope…?

[Nobunaga] Of course not! Even If I did, it wouldn’t have been Paku!

════════ End of track ════════

TL Notes & Commentary:

Fun fact: Kortopi’s ability (Kami no Hidarite Akuma no Migite) is also the title of a horror manga series from 1986.

#hunter x hunter #hxh 1999 #phantom troupe #genei ryodan #chrollo #chrollo lucilfer #pakunoda #kortopi #hxh shizuku #hxh machi #hxh nobunaga #hxh drama cd #translation #english translation

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0809wrld · 2 years

Text

past life

☆ mingi x reader (fem pronouns)

☆ word count: 965

☆ general audience, angst, open ending

☆ inspired by tame impala’s past life

“Hey, Mingi! The usual?”

The barista greeted Mingi how she usually does everyday. Energetic and sweet, with a warm smile. He’s been coming here for some time during his lunch hour—the food and atmosphere is always a good pick-me-up when the midday slump hit. And it being right down the street from his office is just a bonus. Being able to break free from the stagnant air in the building for some moments helps free his mind of impending tasks, nagging bosses, grumpy clients, etc etc.

He takes his food—iced black tea, unsweetened, and a turkey sandwich—and idles around in the area. It’s almost October, which means staying outside for long periods of time will be unbearable soon. He chooses one of the many benches provided and finishes his food. It’s much more pleasant to sit and savor his food, he realizes. He’ll have to do this more often.

20 minutes left. Mingi is still seated at the bench. People watching is fun, everybody has their own life, their own reasons for being in this space. Some frequent the area, some are new, some are just passing by. And at the end of the day, they all go home unknowing of these moments. Mingi guesses he does the same, it’s just a part of everyday life. Nothing to get all philosophical about. He checks the time again.

10 minutes. He gets up to head back to the office.

Wrapped up in his phone, navigating back to the building by pure muscle memory. His pace is fast, anyone coming in the opposite direction of him needing to promptly move out the way to avoid being bulldozed.

His phone trance is broken when another figure brushes past, barely grazing his arm, but it’s enough for them to say sorry. And Mingi recognizes that voice. He’s able to catch a glance before she’s gone, already a couple of feet in the opposite direction. He stares at her backside, hoping that if he stares hard enough, his vision will be able to penetrate through her so he can see her face. Or until she turns around, that’s more reasonable.

Multiple people have bumped past Mingi, he doesn’t notice their scowling faces at him for standing in the middle of the sidewalk obstructing foot traffic. The only thing that gets his attention is the blaring sound of his phone's timer, letting him know lunch is over and it’s time to clock in.

Focusing on his work tasks was close to impossible. Anything he got done was completed with half a thought, his mind unable to stop thinking of his interaction from earlier. All his coworkers noticed something was off with him, his boss even dismissing him to head home early to get his mind right again.

He paces around his living room waiting for Yunho to pick up.

“Hey, Min. What’s up?” Yunho sounds so relaxed, Mingi feels a pang of jealousy, but takes a deep breath before replying.

“Hey, I’m all right.”

“You sure? You don’t sound all right.”

Mingi sighs, “ah, Yunho. What do I do?”

“How about you give me some context first buddy.”

Mingi recalls the interaction. He feels like he sounds like a madman, letting this one incident consume him for the rest of the day.

“Are you sure it was her? And not some doppelgänger?” Yunho sounds amused, which ticks Mingi off.

“If you’re just gonna laugh at me, I’ll call Hongjoong instead.”

“No,” he clears his throat, “I’m sorry, Mingi. Please continue.”

“Yeah… well anyway, I’m like 99.9 percent sure it was her. It sounded just like her… and I saw just a bit of her face. But it’s like she was gone so fast, and it shook me up. And I mean, surely she’d recognize me too? I mean I think I am very recognizable. Maybe it wasn’t he-“ Yunho cuts him off.

“Hey. Maybe it was her, maybe it wasn’t. Even if it was and she did recognize you, maybe it just was a bad time to try to reconnect. You two did end things on a weird note. And if it wasn’t her then… I guess you have nothing to worry about.”

Nothing to worry about. Except “nothing” has started to plague his mind. All the memories and feelings he had with you that he repressed are bubbling to the surface. He wants to talk, maybe figure things out and fix them. He wasn’t the most mature back then, maybe if he showed you how much he’s grown you’d at least stay in contact with him. Or maybe you’ll just acknowledge his maturity and leave it at that. Mingi would be happy with either, he just needs to talk to you again.

“I think I wanna call her.”

“Sounds like a good plan to me.”

“But… what if she doesn’t have the same number?”

“Maybe she does. There’s no harm in trying, you know.”

“Yeah. But it’s so late. Maybe I should try tomorrow.”

“You and I both know you won’t, so get it done tonight. But I’ve gotta get to bed soon. I’ll ask how it went tomorrow. Good luck and goodnight, Min.”

Mingi stares at his phone for a solid 10 minutes, mind completely blank. Yunho’s right. He has to do it tonight, because despite the maturity he’s gained with age, he can still be avoidant. He can’t let himself sit and dwell on it any longer. The longer he waits, the less chance he has to speak to you. He scrolls until he sees your contact. He feels like his brain isn’t even sending signals, limbs moving completely on their own to press on your number to call. He feels his heart rate quicken the longer the ringing tone goes, breath hitching when it stops.

“Hello?”

I hope y’all liked this ;-; if there’s anything I’ve written that I want feedback on the most, it’s this 😭💔 so any and everything is welcome 🥰 as always thanks for reading!!

#mingi x reader #ateez x reader #mingi angst #ateez angst #mingi fanfic #ateez fanfic #jj:mingi

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mamamittens · 8 months

Note

Hiii, I would like a toffee milkshake with caramel syrup, with whipped cream and cherries please! Id also like to add in a white russian, alice in wonderland, and brain hemmorage! I go by "Anne" and im pretty short with long, curly brown hair and dark brown eyes. Im very deadpan but when I get desperate im a bit (very) bratty. Can be with Sabo, Zoro, or Law! Take your pick :)

As a final entry, this one is a tad longer than expected! I hope it's to your liking!

Warnings: Unprotected sex, couch sex, creampie, size kink, light degradation kink, and overstimulation.

Word Count: 2,936

The rain came in around an hour before the end of the shift. A bitter, frigid outpour of water that turned from sprinkles to a deluge in a matter of minutes. Anne smacked her head onto the counter as Zoro busied himself with cleaning the coffee pots. They still had four hours until they could leave but the borderline winter rain was scheduled to last well into the next day. Lighting lit up the rain in a static haze every so often as the wind howled by.

Absolutely no one was coming in now, that’s for sure.

“Think if we left now anyone would notice?” Anne grumbled.

“Boss has an alarm system that tells him when the doors get locked and unlocked and cameras for the front. I’m pretty sure he’d bite our heads off if we left.” Zoro huffed, equally irritated.

Zoro had been her best friend since they were in diapers, the two inseparable ever since.

“Why hasn’t he called to cancel the shift?” Anne rolled her eyes as she stared out at the indecipherable, shifting wall of rain outside. It was still a little light out, but she knew the sun was setting.

“He’s on vacation. Unless he gets a notification from the security system, he doesn’t care, remember?” Zoro reminded her.

Anne huffed and threw off her hat, taking out her ponytail that had started to give her a migraine for a while now. The relief was instant as her dark brown curls bounced past her elbows. A large, calloused hand carded through her hair and massaged her scalp. She leaned back against Zoro with a pleased hum.

“Thanks… may as well get comfortable.” Anne mumbled, removing her apron and setting it on the counter. Zoro followed suit, putting aside his own hat as well. “Think he’d notice if we turned off the lights for the signs?”

Zoro chuckled into her hair and went to shut off the neon signs. The light that used to reflect into the rain cutting off, leaving only the soft overhead lights.

“Now we really won’t get any customers.” Zoro mused. “Oh well.”

“Who the hell would be out in this weather for coffee when they could just go home?” Anne asked but Zoro could only offer a shrug.

It wasn’t like the shop was super popular or on a busy street, either. So, foot traffic was already minimal.

“So… We just camp out here until it’s time to leave?” Anne asked. Zoro squinted out the window.

“I don’t think we’ll be able to, even if we left now. I think I just saw an umbrella float down the street. Or maybe a car?”

“You did not see a car float down the street! We’d be ankle deep in water if that was the case!” Anne flinched as thunder exploded above and the lights flickered.

“Well, we can’t drive in this weather either way.” Zoro opened the door briefly and the sound of rain went from chaotic to overwhelming. He quickly slammed the door closed, arm tense against the wind as it tried to rip it from his grip. “Nope. Looks like we’re staying overnight.”

Anne felt her phone vibrate and pulled it free. Swiping away notifications about the torrential rain, warnings to shelter in place, and random social media posts. At the end of her notifications was a text from their boss.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t hear about the weather in time. Just got a call from Sanji. You two lock up, clock out, and stay where you are. Put out some bags to block the doors in case the street floods. In the morning, clean up what you can and let me know if anything needs repairs. I’ll add a bonus to your checks for the inconvenience. Power might go out, so try and stay warm and prepared.” Anne read out loud for Zoro.

“…Well, that’s that then, isn’t it?” Zoro locked the doors and moved to the back where they stored the baking supplies. Flour bags would have to do, she supposed. He retrieved the giant, bulk bags and settled them in place. The rain certainly wasn’t going to be stopping anytime soon so it was only a matter of time until the water started hitting the door. At least a little bit.

With cleaning and preparations finished, they had nothing left to do besides make some hot drinks before the power went out and decide how they were going to sleep.

“I don’t want to sleep up front if I’m being honest.” Anne commented. There were a few options. They had a small kitchen to bake in, two bathrooms, a break room, and the manager’s office. Zoro ambled over and started making a hot mocha latte for himself.

“Well, the manager’s office has a couch you could take.” Zoro offered as the lights flickered.

“And what about you? Planning on curling up on one of those plastic chairs or something?” Anne smiled, accepting the extra warm drink. At that moment, the building shook as lighting flashed.

The ambient hum of the electronics cutting out all at once, leaving only the sound of pouring rain.

“Ah… powers out.” Zoro noted, taking a sip as he glared out across the dark shop. Anne sighed, laughing a little to herself.

“Yep. Wanna bunker down for the night? We can see if two fit on that couch.” Anne asked, moving towards the back office.

With her phone as a light, they found the office remarkably clean. The manager probably tidied up before leaving on vacation so nothing sensitive was left out. The couch in question a bit small, enough for two to sit down but no one else. A decorative blanket thrown over the back.

“Yeah… there’s no way I’m fitting on that.” Zoro noted with a snort. Anne was definitely small enough to fit, barely coming up to Zoro’s chest. And he was broad too, so she couldn’t blame him for immediately dismissing the idea. The problem was that it was already getting chilly in the building.

“Maybe sitting up?” Anne asked, finishing off her drink reluctantly. It was going to be cold soon anyway, but she’d miss the warmth it provided. He sighed and plopped down on the couch, adjusting himself into a comfortable position half reclining across it. Ultimately, he slid down until his calves were hanging off one end and propped up his head.

“Better?” Zoro asked, tugging her to him. She slipped into place against him, a little surprised she fit so well. And he was pretty warm too as he pulled the blanket over them both. Anne pressed her face against his collar bone, hooking her legs between his.

This wasn’t the first time they’d been so intimately pressed against each other. Sleepovers over the years usually ended up with her clinging to his side. The cold and dark creeping in as the temperature dropped steadily.

Anne shivered, curling up more firmly against Zoro’s chest and startled a little.

She could feel his cock against her thigh, burning hot and hard.

This was… also not new. It was bound to happen at least a few times. So, just like any other time, she elected to ignore it.

When Anne started shivering again despite how hot Zoro ran and the blanket over her back, Zoro grunted. Rubbing his hand over her back as she wound her arms around his chest.

“…you’re cold.” Zoro noted, heavy hand brushing over her spine. After a moment he turned, moving to pin her between himself and the back of the couch. It was undeniably a bit warmer now, her own body heat reflected back against her back. But the position made her heart race.

The smell of oil, coffee, and that wild, grassy musk Zoro had always worn thick in her nose. His thigh pressed between hers as well as his cock, which only seemed harder than before. If Anne focused, she could hear the rain pounding the building and thunder shaking the walls. But over all that was Zoro’s steady heartbeat. She tried to adjust herself, find a less awkward position that wouldn’t press her against his cock, but it only made him grumble and squeeze her closer.

His breath washed over her hair and into her ear.

“Stop. Moving.” Zoro hissed.

“Sorry.” Anne mumbled. “It’s just…” She could tell the minute Zoro understood why she was a bit flustered. His whole body turning stiff in her arms.

“Oh. Yeah. That… Well, it’s not very surprising.” Zoro commented almost breezily. “I’ve always thought you were beautiful.” Anne quietly gasped.

Zoro was never one for compliments. Brutally honest, sure, but not typically heaping flowery praise. If he thought she was ugly as hell, he would have said something. But mentioning how beautiful he thought she was? Now that was different.

Anne laughed a little.

“I didn’t think you noticed that sort of thing.” Anne replied softly against his collarbone. He squeezed her gently with a huff.

“If its you, I’ve always noticed ‘that sort of thing’.” Zoro affirmed.

Anne lifted up her head, nose brushing his chin.

“And when were you going to tell me that?” Anne breathed, smiling as he shuddered.

“Thought it would freak you out.”

Anne laughed, pressing her lips against his throat, feeling how his pulse raced.

“Well it doesn’t… makes me happy. Even if it’s just… a looks thing.” Zoro’s whole chest moved as he sighed deeply, curling closer around her.

“Oh, it’s definitely not just a ‘looks thing’. Does that make you happy too?” his voice was low and deep, hitting down her spine in a way that made her feel warm inside and out.

“…yeah.” Anne pressed a soft kiss to his chin and he grunted.

His hands slipped down over her ass, pressing her against his erection pointedly.

“You know, there’s another way to warm up.” Zoro mentioned casually.

“On this tiny couch?”

“Would you prefer over the desk? Or maybe against the door?” Zoro chuckled, slowly grinding against her. “I kind of like how you feel, right where you are now.” Zoro confessed.

“We really shouldn’t…” Anne moaned as he managed to slot his thigh directly against her cunt. Any consideration towards the manager out the window swiftly. “W-With clothes on! I-I can’t stand being teased—oooh~ like this~”

Zoro laughed, pressing his lips to her ear.

“You can’t? Sick of waiting for me to make a move?” Zoro purred, hand slipping under the waistband of her pants and panties to slide them down her hips. His jeans quickly grinding against her cunt.

“Y-Yeah~ Z-Zor—ooh!” Anne kicked her legs desperately, shoving off her shoes and shucking her pants to the floor. The chill was instant but easy to ignore as the heat grew between her thighs. He laughed at her, gently slapping her ass before grabbing her cheek to pull her thigh over his.

“You feel that? This is what you’re shamelessly crying for—are you sure you’re ready for it?” Zoro growled, pointedly grinding the hot outline of his cock against her bare cunt. The thick curve parted her lips open even flattened against his thigh. “Wet enough you just might be, but I want to hear you say it before I ruin your cunt.”

“Y-Yes! I-I am, I w-aahhngh it, Zoro~!” Anne moaned into his neck, kissing the exposed skin desperately. “Stop teasing me and fuck me already!” Anne whined, nipping him hard.

Zoro hissed and reached his hand between them to unzip his jeans, shoving them down to free his cock. It slapped against her wet cunt like a brand.

“Don’t be a fucking brat!” Zoro sneered, slipping the head of his cock against her clit before catching in her cunt. Anne gasped, hips trying to buck away but having no room to do so as he slowly hilted. His cock almost burning as it’s size left her breathless. Cunt struggling to take his unrelenting invasion. “W-What happened to all that whining? Got nothing to say now that you’re stuck on my fat cock? All those times you sassed me when you were bored but it turns out you just needed to be fucked? I’ll keep that in mind~”

Anne keened, digging her nails into his back as he pressed her against the couch. Slowly, he ground his cock into her walls, not retreating an inch. She could feel him so damn deep, it made her chest ache. Any sense of how cold the room was gone in favor of how wide he pulled her walls apart with sheer force. Tip throbbing against her cervix, catching and nearly trying to pry that open too in a way that hurt. But it only added to the heat she felt.

How thoroughly Zoro was fucking her despite being gentle.

How fucking badly she wished he’d do it harder.

“Z-Zoro~ h-haaarder~! I-I know you can do better than this, give it to me, please~!” Anne whined.

“Ooooh, you don’t want that~ Trust me, baby, this is all you can handle right now. Your pussy can barely take what it’s got, and you think you can handle more?” Zoro chided, still slowly fucking her against the couch. “Don’t let that bratty mouth get your ass in trouble, now—just enjoy this while it lasts.”

Anne hissed, reaching up to grasp his face and pull it down. Licking up his chin until she found his lips, she desperately slipped into his mouth. Tangling with his tongue as he groaned in surprise.

He tasted of coffee and mint. Something she chased until he pressed his tongue back past her lips, taking over the kiss as he pressed his cock into her cunt as deep as it could go.

The sound of their kiss was wet and loud as he pulled back with a harsh gasp.

“Fuck. Me. Zoro.” Anne bit out, grinding her hips against his. “Or find me someone that will!”

She didn’t need to see his face to know Zoro was grinning. He nipped her lips and pressed a chaste kiss to them.

“I warned you~” Zoro chided, sliding her further under him and into the couch. Hands gripping under her thighs and nearly cradling her ass. “But you just had to be a brat!”

Zoro pulled nearly all the way out, her cunt crying out in relief as the pressure in her lower belly eased. Then the slammed into her with a loud, jarring, wet slap. The two of them bouncing off of the cushion springs below.

“OH! F-FUCK!” Anne wailed, Zoro laughing sharply as he railed into her. Mindful of the springs below so that every hard thrust had just enough space to fuck her back onto his cock before he started again. It was steady and ruthlessly disciplined, rapidly driving all thought from her as she started chanting his name. “Z-Zor-OH! Zoro! Oh-oh~ Zoro~!”

“What?!” Zoro snapped, gripping her ass hard as he struggled to keep his breathing steady. “Got nothing smart to say? No ‘more’ or ‘harder’? Is this finally good enough for you, brat?”

Anne cried out as she came with a wet gasp. Her quivering cunt still being railed at a steady, hard pace, cum squirting out with every thrust.

“YES! Y-YES! ZOROOOOooooh~! Aaaahn~!” Anne whined, squirming as the pleasure kept going. “C-Cum! C-Cum i-in me, please!”

Zoro barked out a laugh, still going steady.

“I’ll cum in this pussy when I’m damn good and ready to—brats don’t get to decide when I’m finished.” Zoro hissed over the squeaking springs, finally letting go of her ass to brace one hand on the arm rest. The other hand splaying over her stomach. Pressing down against his cock until she wailed and dropping his thumb lower to grind against her clit. Anne gripped his biceps, heart thundering as she gasped for air.

The couch groaned as Zoro suddenly pinned her deep into the cushions. Hot cum pooling into her cunt as she came. His thumb still abusing her clit. Thighs shaking, Anne swallowed hard with a moan.

“S-So good, Zoro—OH! A-AHHN~?!” Anne screamed as Zoro started up again, tilting his hips up to slam his cock in deeper. “Z-Zoro! A-Aaaahn!” she wailed, throwing her head back.

“I said ‘brats don’t get to decide when I’m finished’… Nngh! And I’m not stopping until your pussy is ruined from my cock.” Zoro laughed. “G-Gotta make it worth it to have this damn thing cleaned. No saving this pussy though, I’m making sure of that.”

He raised up her leg and pinned it on top of the couch, spreading her thighs lifting her ass for his thrusts. The room hot and filled with the wet slaps of her cunt struggling to take his cock.

“I-Is it worth it, Anne? Was the wait worth getting folded up and fucked on a couch?” Zoro asked softly.

“Yes! Yes, it was—I-I needed this—I need more~!”

Zoro laughed into the dark over her wet cunt.

“I thought we talked about that bratty mouth getting your ass in trouble, baby?” Zoro pinched her clit and she screamed. Squirting on his cock as his thrusts grew ruthless, splashing her arousal over their thighs and the couch. Even though she cried out from the overstimulation, Zoro didn’t stop.

And Anne didn’t want him to.

“More! More! O-Oh Z-Zoro, I need more!” Anne wailed until he kissed her.

“Fine! Better not hear any whining about this pussy hurting tomorrow~ S-since I know that’s just how you ask for more, you brat!” Zoro spat without any heat, much to her delight.

Zoro definitely made it worthwhile getting the couch professionally cleaned.

#one piece #shake date #one piece smut #zoro x oc #zoro smut

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meowzfordayz · 2 years

Note

Okay, so hear me out. And you can totally ignore this if you are too busy, but headcanons on Shinobu giving the other Hashira a ride on her motorcycle?

She is totally a maniac on the road, but the others don't know that I'm assuming, they hardly believe she has a motorcycle. I'd really like to know your thoughts on their reactions to Shinobu weaving through traffic like a boss and no care in the world.

Please and thank you! You writing is amazing!

Hiya! ☺️ Currently going through my many suggestions, and decided I wasn't really feeling this. 😅

The imagery of your prompt makes me cackle 😆, but I've already written traffic — motorcycle, and figured the Hashiras' reactions to Shinobu's driving... err... ~technique 💀 would be similar.

That being said, I offer you...

terrified for their lives, eyes shut, silently uttering prayers the entire time, audibly squealing whenever she turns sharply — Mitsuri, Kyojuro

amused, lowkey expected her to be a menace, only using their thighs to hold on, enjoying the thrill — Sanemi, Tengen

and

simply confused — Gyomei, Giyuu

Bonus...

not allowed to ride w/ her per her own rules — Muichiro

#suggestion #to write... someday ??

11 notes · View notes

munchflix · 2 years

Text

MUNCHFLIX - REPLICAS

IMDB BLURB: A scientist becomes obsessed with bringing back his family members who died in a traffic accident.

WARNINGS: Fakey science beyond the realm of sanity, violence, cloning, cgen robots, and a bunch of bullllll-shit.

RATING: 3 kegs of amino acids.

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All reviews are done solely for humor and should not be taken seriously ever. If you cannot handle cursing, crude humor and probably some offensive things, pls do not read this.

Munch: I've been wanting to do this one since I first watched it because of the absolutely batshit amount of plot holes and fakey science involved. It's got decent production value and the acting isn't great but it's way better than a lot of the movies we've watched. Regardless...this one takes suspension of disbelief and just throws it over the side of the boat like it's the mom in Funny Games. Bonus points if you get that reference.

Biscuits: Riverstone pictures! Have you ever heard of them? No? They made a movie.

M: Whoo...these margaritas might be a BIT strong.

B: Here comes the booooooy......hello boy! There he issss....he is here.....

tHe BoOoOyYy~

M: SO anyway...Keanu Reeves is on the screen doing important sciencey things in his science guy lab and there's some helicopters and they're bringing in a motherfucking android and a dead dude. They're gonna science the hell out of this dead dude, even tho he's been dead for seven hours. How can his cortex be viable? He's been dead for SEVEN HOURS.

B: Well you know...it's only seven hours. His cortex is fine.

M: So they're gonna brain transfer the dead guy's brain stuff into the robot. I put the brain in the robot, okay? What do you want from me.

B: Plankton already did this, we don't need to watch this. Extracting neural data?? So they mapped his brain and now they're gonna...put the brain map in the robot?

M: Through a HUD, that Keanu Reeves is wearing.

B: Some Star Wars hologram shit. Oh he's manipulating a big brain hologram. Very cool. What exactly is going on? They're just spouting a bunch of fake science shit. They 3d printed a brain inside the robot??? This looks like a parody of a sci fi movie. How many quandills do we have!?? We have too many bringbrongs, destabilizing the matrix!

M: This is exactly why we had to watch this. Margot...energize the body. So now it's time for all the stuff they just...manipulated or whatever to go into the robot. He's movin! Keanu is trying to talk to the robot with the dude's brain but it's freaking out a bit because it's in a fucking robot now. Why would they ever think this was cool? The dead guy was not at all warned about this. The robot is fucking destroying itself now because well...that didn't go well.

B: I wrote a long angsty poem about an android who destroyed itself. This reminds me of that. This is progress! They don't understand my massive brain! This is my life's work! I'm so close! We've heard this spiel in literally every movie ever.

M: There's a couple of tropes here! Keanu's boss is mad because he can't make the robot brain thing work well so Keanu goes home to his nuclear family and his very nice house. And now his nerdy coworker is here because he's house sitting.

B: Daddy? Me too, little girl.

He’s a wholesome family man doing top secret evil science

M: And cue the thirst! Actually it already started.

B: Maybe you shouldn't be doing that at all! Maybe the question shouldn't be should we bring back the dead until the science is good enough, but maybe whether or not it's morally wrong to do it AT ALL!!

M: Keanu says - how many times have you had a patient flatline in the hospital and brought them back. That is NOT the same thing, my guy. Putting a dead guy's brain in a robot without his express permission is not like hitting somebody with a defibrillator.

B: I don't think we're gonna see any new ground covered here with any interesting moral quandaries we haven't heard before.

M: Just making sure we're on normal speed here.

B: His wife's acting, wow. I know Keanu's not always given the best performances but wow. Her acting is like syfy and not like science fiction, like the channel. Maybe you should stop doing morally dubious science and spend time with your family.

M: This dialogue is so heavy handed. I'm just dying over them not having ever had this conversation in the entire history of his working for evil science co. They leave their mansion in the care of coworker guy. To go driving in the rain at night.

B: I SURE HOPE NOTHING BAD HAPPENS. I'm really glad we got all this time to get attached to these characters. I had time to really feel the connection before they instantly got killed. You've heard of the woman in the ice box trope? We're putting them all in there! All three kids!

M: Magically...his entire family dies horribly in this tragic car accident except Keanu who is now slowly sinking in his death car full of dead family.

B: If this happened in real life they would've immediately suspected him for killing his entire family. I wanna offer a bit of writing criticism and suggest that if the evil company had a hand in killing his family it would've been more interesting.

M: Keanu takes the time to drag every single member of his dead family out of the car and onto land and lays them out in an artistic pattern before calling 911.

If I wanted to watch Keanu Reeves be sad about his dead wife I’d just go watch John Wick.

B: Maybe he was trying to see if anyone was alive.

M: It doesn't take that long! And now instead he's...oh nevermind...he called his coworker. Not 911. He says NO QUESTIONS. We're gonna do some science shit on my family's corpses.

B: This would be a lot better if it was just Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. A wonderful novel about the moral dilemma of creating life from death.

M: You could've just...called the paramedics or something. Instead of just going yeah okay I'll help you do fakey science on your dead family. Have you even considered the legal implications of this decision? Leave him there, coworker guy. Leave the sad man in the rain with his dead family.

B: I like how the neural mapping device is just a headband.

M: We just won't make a mistake, Keanu says. Okay.... but we're missing some major plot points here because now they suddenly have an entire cloning facility at Evil Corp, which is super handy for the plot and now instead of just putting the brains into a robot, they're gonna clone his family and put the brains in there.

B: Okay but like...cloning...okay....they're just gonna clone his wife and she's gonna come out as an adult human...? Wait, let me not tell you, movie, how science does or does not work! This is some super big brain Elon Musk technology that we haven't figured out.

M: And now we gotta get rid of the real bodies because that's fine. Coworker guy will take care of everything. We haven't been given like ANY heads up on ANYTHING in this movie. It's just suddenly everything is here RIGHT NOW. Hey they do crazy science, hey family is dead, hey cloning lab.

B: BARRELS OF AMINO ACIDS???!? WHAT?!? This motherfucker did NOT just come in here and say he's got an entire keg of genetic material?! A bunch of primordial ooze?! They're throwing so much shit at you at MACH SPEED.

M: Keanu needs four pods for cloning his family and they only got three pods valued at 1 milllion dollars a pop which they stole from Evil Corp. Nobody will notice.

B: I don't know what the company's name is. I don't even know what the protagonists name is! And coworker guy just...took all this shit. We had entire barrels of human goo!

I am...looking respectfully 👀

M: Now Keanu has to decide which of his family he's gonna clone and who gets left behind. He does this the only rational way by putting their names in a bowl. And tells coworker guy to pick one. Coworker is once again reluctant but he also fucking keeps going along with all this shit and he's in too damn deep now.

B: Just make the kids. Or just clone your wife and make more kids!

M: The clones are of course, gonna mature at an absolutely irresponsible rate. And they're just doing this at Keanu's house. It's fine.

B: So they don't need a host...that's what the pods are for? Not any more unreasonable than any other bullshit in this movie. I'd love an entire keg of Keanu Reeves’ genetic material.

M: Gross. Now they're doing fakey math to try and speed up this process before anyone notices that Keanu's entire family is dead. How the fuck is he gonna explain why one of his kids isn't there??!? They're gonna do this in SEVENTEEN DAYS. Yeah what about your other kid, Keanu.

B: I feel like it would be less complicated to just try and revive their dead corpses than create clones and put their brains in the clones.

M: He's gonna make clone family forget that Zoey existed. Okay great but what about literally every other person who knew her??

B: This guy seems like an asshole.

M: Like you've never tried to clone your dead family in your basement.

B: This isn't no way home where he's doing Dr. Strange magic! He just like googled Zoe and he's destroying all their memories of her!? OKAY. It keeps escalating. I can suspend my disbelief for a lot of things but you can't just type in ZOE and erase all their memories. I'm starting to think the people who made this movie aren't scientists.

We’re not even kidding.

M: It gets worse. It gets so much worse. Keanu is getting mad but it's a normal stage of grief that he is not at all dealing with. Now the police are here. Someone stole the car batteries out of every car on the block and you wouldn't happen to know who that was, EH? Why they fuck would they need car batteries?? Car batteries don't have that much juice, they run with an alternator that keeps them charged...

B: Coworker guy has to come in now and explain why Keanu isn't there even tho they fired him but they gotta get him back to work I guess. Fuck dude, can't you just show your tits or something. I don't mean that in a sexist way.

M: Just a horny way. I'm also in denial that all this Evil Corp stuff only cost 8 million dollars. Now Keanu has to get back to work so coworker dude has to come watch the pods. Why do they need to be watched?

B: In case something goes wrong.

M: We still haven't explained the Zoey thing. Keanu is back at work now tho and nobody has noticed the huge amount of missing stuff. Keanu is now sad about the kid he didn't clone but it's fine. We'll just clone her afterwards. After the other ones are done brewing or whatever.

B: Yeah Matt's been out of school and you couldn't get his wife on the phone because they're DEAD IN THE BASEMENT. This guy is suffering from a serious lack of consequences.

M: Suddenly Keanu realizes that he can't explain ANY of this because coworker guy lied about his kid staying with his dead grandparents. Keanu has called literally nobody to offer a cover story about his dead family. What could possibly go wrong? At this point in the movie, I was waiting for some horrible clone catastrophe to occur. That would've been cool. It doesn't happen.

B: The clones are zombies or all mutated or something and try to kill him. But this isn't a horror movie. Dude! Dude. My man is trying now to cover his ass by texting everyone and making up lies about his family. They're gonna shut a lot of shit down when they find out what Keanu's been doing.

Co-worker guy is way too gung-ho about all of this

M: And what IS Keanu doing? He's running a simulation of brain imprinting and it keeps failing and he really should have thought about this ahead of time. He checks in on his clone family who are now all moving around and squiggly and shit but it's fine.

B: Our leading man is kinda unabashedly evil at this point. We're not conflicted about whether or not we're rooting for him. We're not.

M: I think we're supposed to be though. And the thing is we're not even halfway through so we got a whole other plot to get through. And so we can't leave the family in the tanks because even if he doesn't get the brain imprint thing going they're gonna age like crazy because that's how this works. Keanu is gonna sedate them into a coma once they're born so he can get the brain thing going I guess. This seems like a good idea.

B: We're way past questions of ethics at this point, coworker guy. White dad frankenstein guy does not give a shit.

M: Hello clone wife! Welcome to the world! Have a coma!

B: IT'S A GIRL!

M: So I guess they're all born and shit now and he's got 3 days to get their brains sorted so it's fine. We've only seen the wife so far tho. Keanu reviews his past failures and touches clone family softly in their comas. Keeps lying to everyone. Gets sad about Zoe. Suddenly everything is going very slow. Can we have the major brain breakthrough already.

B: They didn't even establish this guy as being that smart. They just established that he works for an evil corporation. I guess he's a super genius or whatever. A movie about a bad man who does stupid things but it's still very boring.

M: Keanu figures out that if he touches his wife her brain wakes up. So this is the big breakthrough. The soul or whatever is hosted in the body, not the brain. So what the fuck is the point of all the BRAIN SCIENCE then?!

Insert ‘neuron activated’ meme here

B: NOBODY THOUGHT ABOUT THIS?! None of these big brain super genius scientists realized that putting a brain in a synthetic body would make it freak out?? Dude, Ed (coworker) is a ride or die motherfucker.

M: He's also the only person in this movie with ANY common sense.

B: I can't get over this hologram interface he's using. It's like Iron Man but it's just Bad Man. He just did bad shit but he was still hunky. He's not even like a good villain you can root for, he's just kind of a bastard.

M: I'm wondering why nobody has figured out what they're doing, or why he still has a job at all. I also don;t get why we had this massive body/brain breakthrough and then still did the brain imprint and now it's fine. Keanu sedates her again because as he says while she's still awake, he can't have her notice that anything is weird. Like that one of her kids is missing but she won't notice because he deleted those specific memories and it's okay.

B: HOW ARE WE ONLY HALFWAY?!! WHAT ELSE HAPPENS!

M: An unbelievable amount of chase scenes.

B: Is this an action movie?

M: The second half is. So now the entire family is waking up and he's erasing all memories of Zoey and shit and he's sad but we don't care because he's an asshole.

B: Sleeping in bed next to your baby brain comatose clone wife is creepy. Oh no, she woke up! MY WIFE!

M: And everything is fine. They're all perfectly normal. Which is honestly weird. I was expecting something super weird.

B: None of them are slobbering zombies or anything, they have all their memories. They're all just completely fine and normal.

M: Oh no, clone wife is having some pains in her chest or gallbladder or something.

B: How is the milk expired but all your other food is fine? And now a donor guy is showing up and they still want him to come in even though he hasn't shown up to work in what...three weeks!? You are extra fired! He doesn't feel like his family are eerie hollow simulacras of their former selves?

M: He doesn't think ahead. We've established THAT much.

B: His boss is like oh hey you're back from your fucking pneumonia or whatever for a month. Ed is right, he's always right. Someone is gonna notice all this shit.

M: Where are these soldiers coming from?? Is there a war going on??

B: They're in some non descript south american country so...maybe.

M: Keanu is gonna inject something in the Evil Corp bathroom and put it directly into his brain. This seems totally legit. His boss comes in and he's like well you keep fucking things up but it's fine. Continue to work for us. And Keanu has just injected some nonsense into his eyeball and into the brain and he'll be fine.

An average afternoon in the men’s room.

B: ......what....

M: Meanwhile back at Casa De Clone, none of his family have noticed anything is amiss either. Ed sees Keanu bleeding from his eye and goes oh my god did you do the brain thing on yourself and he's like yeah it's fine. He's gonna put HIS brain in the robot. It's totally fine.

B: Dude....uh...(groans) But WHY....

M: So he can keep his job.

B: In the context inside the movie, okay yeah but in the context of this BEING a movie, why is this the plot? Why is it THIS? I just don't understand at all. I'm sorry. They couldn't just go with the whole dead family plot they've been doing? Oh that makes the movie too short so we gotta make a whole other plot because we couldn't possibly have put some exposition in there.

M: Keanu now magically has figured out the whole brain/robot thing because he's a super genius but clone family appear to be having some problems. And remembering things that they should not possibly be able to remember as they are CLONES and not real people.

B: He did take the neural scan after they were dead. Maybe he forgot to cut that part out.

M: But then why wouldn't they just...remember it and not just be having nightmares or whatever. Oh he’s gonna do it NOW. Just sedate them and scramble their brains again a little bit while they're sleeping.

B: You fucking.....I'm sorry....

M: Clone Wife shows up while he's scrambling his teen daughter's brain and is amazingly calm about the whole situation.

B: He's just gonna explain all of this to her right now!??! Guilty conscience?! This SHOULD be the climax of the movie! His family figures out they're clone and he has to kill them again. Sometimes dead is better.

M: Nope. CloneWife is taking this all shockingly well. It's okay Keanu, I forgive you for letting us die and cloning us and scrambling our brains and doing dangerous illegal science that so far has had no real consequences.

Hey sorry I cloned you. Anyways wanna have sex?

B: I want a divorce. Single female clone with two clone children seeks roomate. Enjoys long walks on the beach. Hates fake Christmas Trees.

M: That would at least be interesting. The CloneKids are having some issues with remembering Zoe and he's like well there might be some things happening with the thing that happened.

B: MY GUY. His boss is here. Is that apple pie I smell? Or a CORPSE like my daddy. Keanu, did you clone your entire family? Did you happen to steal 8 millions dollars worth of science machines?

M: Oh he knows everything. He wants Keanu's family because they're technically Evil Corp property.

B: I know you took all of our stuff, you didn't do much to cover your tracks. We're gonna have to euthanize your family. His evil corporate overlords were lying to him! WOW.

M: We're not a biomedical corporation???

B: You should've fucking known! These guys are doing really dubious science?! OH MY GOD.

M: I'll get the stuff, Keanu says.

B: No, your family SHOULD die, my guy! This is the comeuppance part of this story! I feel like literally every time this man is presented with a dilemma he makes the wrong decision.

M: And now for the action part of the movie. Keanu sedates his boss and kicks his ass and now he's gotta get his CloneFamily out of dodge. But first he's gotta microwave the algorithm.

B: This movie is both balls out insane and somehow really boring.

M: CloneWife's eternal underacting is killing me. She does not have an appropriate response to anything. She's just like yeah okay.

B: Nobody except Ed has reacted correctly to anything in this movie. THE ALL NEW 2018 CHEVROLET CUNTSNATCHER. So many car promos. PERFECT FOR RUNNING OVER YOUR ENEMIES. His boss woke up really fast from an injection that put Keanu's family into a coma. Some good job you did of microwaving that data, dude.

Perfect for late-night drives with your clone family.

M: And now for a vigorous chase scene.

B: OKAY OKAY, PAUSE. LET'S TAKE A FUCKING MOMENT. Okay. Evil Corp puts tracker markers in their experimental animals. But they didn't make these animals, Keanu, YOU DID. When...exactly, did they put tracking chips in your clone family??? And if this happened automatically in the cloning process....then wouldn't you have KNOWN? Shouldn't you have thought about that? That they would KNOW that you cloned them because their tracking markers were in them?? And you DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THIS?? You fucking figured out how to cut memories out of your family's brains and you couldn't figure out how to take A TRACKING MARKER OUT?!? Okay Mr. BigBrain Big Muscle Super Genius. I need a minute. I feel like the screenwriter was making this shit up as he went along.

M: Come on we only got half an hour left!

B: Are you FUCKING kidding me?!? Keanu Reeves is gonna have to take a lot more clothes off to redeem this movie.

M: You're gonna be really disappointed. The tracking chips are attached to their spines or whatever so they're gonna go to the clinic to just...remove them. It's fine. Keanu literally just said they can't be removed but his CloneWife was a nurse so she's gonna fry them with a defibrillator. And this somehow works.

B: Okay compared to the other bullshit that’s fucking plausible. Whatever. Okay.

M: So now they're on the road again but without the tracking chips so now they can't find them or whatever. They're gonna go get on a boat.

B: They're taking Ed's boat I guess. A real homie will help you clone your family and let you steal his boat. Ed took a bullet for him.

M: And does he care about all the consequences for Ed? NO. He doesn't care about the consequences for anyone.

B: Man who can figure out how to remove memories can't figure out a boat.

M: But the bad guys are here somehow and they have Keanu's family of clones so now he's gotta go confront BossDude back at Evil Corp where Ed is pacing the floor and he's sold Keanu down the river! But to be fair...he had it coming. I would've done it ages ago.

B: I guess this corporation is more evil than him but...like...

M: Keanu tells him he'll give him the algorithm but only if they let CloneFamily go. But he shoots Ed instead, what the hell did Ed do?

B: He's evil big boss man he doesn't care about anybody so he had to shoot him.

M: You don't love her, she's not even your wife! You wouldn't have done any of this if you actually gave a damn. And now Keanu has the Iron Man headband on and he's doing more brain science but he's not doing what evil boss thinks he's doing!

B: Of course, he's one step ahead of everybody. Like he totally has been the whole movie. Keanu has one moment of forethought in his entire life.

M: He puts his supermassive big brain in the robot at Evil Corp and now it's gonna go kick some ass for him. He gives Boss the big important information but now ROBOT TIME. Robot Keanu comes in and starts just kicking ass everywhere and killing all the bad dudes so Keanu and his CloneFamily can escape.

B: The robot effects are straight out of a Harryhausen movie.

M: Keanu gets everyone in the car but then he's like...no...I gotta go back.

B: The robot clone just obeys him?? He's just like, I can't have my robot self exist.

M: He gotta talk to the robot. Stop him from killing evil boss even though he totally deserves to die. He's like, we can still work this out, evil boss. Just give me your brain.

B: This man is a supervillian at this point!

M: Robot Keanu is gonna do the evil guy brain transfer and stick around and run evil corp I guess. They could also steal Ed's brain too.

B: Tell me this is not how the movie ends, right?

M: It is.

B: (unholy screeching) This is just bad man does a ton of bad things and has absolutely no consequences for it!! He didn't even have to question his own moral choices!?

M: And look, they cloned Zoe.

B: No, his wife shoots him and all his kids and that's how the movie ends.

M: That would've been more interesting. Instead Keanu literally just becomes a rich evil dude who sells cloned bodies for a living and gets really rich.

B: You don't have to describe anything, it's pointless. NO.

M: SO......anyway. It's a bad movie. I'm not sure I have anything to add at this point. None of this makes sense. Whatever character arc they were going for failed miserably. The plot is so full of holes it makes The Core look like a well thought out movie.

B: Okay...for fucking real?? I mean maybe they were trying to play it that he 'turned into the villain' at the very end but the problem was he was the villain from the very start! Maybe they were trying to fuckin' 'subvert expectations' or whatever but subverting expectations doesn't automatically make something good!!! I wish fucking hack fraud filmmakers would get that through their fucking three-foot-thick neanderthal craniums! This is fucking nonsense! It has no establishing action and just follows the story of a man doing literally the wrong thing at every passing moment and he never even has to confront the immorality of his actions. And yeah, you can root for the villain in a story, but there has to be some *reason* to root for them! They have to be interesting! Or charismatic! Also, the writing is terrible, the acting is terrible, and the pacing is utter nonsense! What is it with these bad movies and having no concept of pacing??

M: I don't know. I can't believe most of these ever pass the pitch meeting. Munch and Biscuits out, yo.

#replicas #munchflix #keanu reeves #movie review #scifi #clone #cloning #robots #evil corp

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strawberryspotsstuff · 2 years

Note

FLUFFY CHARLIE X READER PLEASE

y/n had a tough long day and Charlie tries to help with cuddles?? Just nappin n' cuddling on his bed or couch will be nice :]

(also bonus points if tommy the snail is included somehow.)

-Owl Anon

AAAAAAA FLUFFY CUDDLING WITH CHARLIE!!!

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Charlie x Reader

You grumbled bitterly as you stomped along the pathway of the busy city street. Dusk was upon the citizens as the warm colours of orange and baby pink illuminated the sky, afternoon traffic piled along the streets, as crowds of strangers moved in between each other.

Making your way through the sweaty crowds, you sharply turned a corner to a dark alleyway, which lead off to a old wired fence and perfectly neat hole cut through it. You checked behind you for anyone before ducking under and jogging out of view to the secluded forest which was close to the city.

Finally letting out a few tears as you stormed to Charlie's little abode. As soon as you threw yourself in his house, Charlie quickly came to your side, scooping you up and frantically asking if you were okay.

In return you feebly shook your head as Charlie laid you on the couch, letting you rest on his chest as you started to vent about your day.

"Your.. boss is not nice" Charlie concluded after your ramble, patting Tommy who was sitting on his shoulder.

You nodded in agreement, sighing. "You could say that again"

Charlie laughed at your snide comment before gently picking up Tommy and resting him on your shoulder.

"Do you know what will help?" Charlie cooed, you raising your eyebrows in return.

"Patting Tommy!" Charlie cooed teasingly.

You rolled your eyes as you reached up and started to pat his shell. As the afternoon slowly drift to night, you both snuggled up (with Tommy of course) and letting yourself rest the night away, the worries washing over you.

#strawberrycow writes #charlie OC #fluff #x reader #reader had a tough day :[#but charlie solves it with cuddles!!!

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dilipreview · 17 days

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marketingprofitmedia · 3 months

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