#But I also told him I very specifically do not out myself to people bc I know it will affect their perception and relationship with me

[mona-liar]

Mmmh, actually i kind of regret giving in to the questioning of my colleague and coming out to him, he does not know how to deal with it normally :) yes I found your boyfriend drama annoying and you're clearly inable to distance yourself from anything involving yourself and/or your own feelings to at least attempt to view it from another person's perspective :) but honestly the fact that you basically refuse to speak to me about it now that you know I'm aro bc that surely means I'm completely unable to have sympathy for your situation is worse :)

[mvltisstuff]

hello again!! im the anon who requested sweet nothing (also, saw the edit note and don’t worry it was a fantastic fic and i love it, thank you so much for writing it ❤️) i was wondering if i could request another fic for buck where reader is like athena’s protege and she’s a lot like athena so athena and bobby basically play match maker for them, thinking they’d compliment each other very well but buck and the reader have secretly dating since they met bc they hit it off so well and athena and the 118 end up finding out and are shocked they had no idea. thank you if you get to this, no stress if you don’t. i hope you have a lovely day and remember to take breaks and drink water!!

the feels - e.b

summary: above :)

evan buckley x reader

a/n: i love seeing these requests so much, please leave as many as you want, this one is so sweet 🫶🫶 i wanted to recreate the funny scene when may walked in on athena in bobby’s turnout 😭

the grants were sitting in the kitchen waiting for another delicious meal from bobby to be ready to eat. athena was sitting down, playing a card game with her two children as bobby was stirring a boiling pot. sharing stories about their days, athena begins her own.

“the station welcomed a new recruit today,” athena starts while cleaning up the cards. “i think i was telling you about her.”

“y/n? i remember you told me she was going to be working there, i just didn’t know she’d be with you.”

“she’s not riding along with me, but we’ve spoken a lot. she reminds me of myself. she’s young but one of the most determined ones i’ve seen. i think she has a lot of great potential.”

“maybe you should bring her along one day,” bobby suggests. “she sounds cool, you should bring her to the station one night for dinner there.”

“i’ll have to check her schedule. she’s trying to get more comfortable in LA, so that could help her. give her some friends,” athena says. “i know she came here to get away for a bit, i’m not sure why but i think something at home.”

“might wanna be careful bringing her, now that i’m thinking about it.”

“what makes you say that?” she asks.

“i’m worried someone might take a liking to her. buck loves you, and he reminds me of myself. and if she’s really similar to you…” athena walks over to bobby, giving him a light kiss before beginning again. “i’ll see what her timing is, i’ll let you know so you can tame the lion.”

the next day at work, y/n walks in uniform with her chunky belt with her gear. she sweetly says good morning to the people at the front with a cup of coffee before returning to her bosses office. “y/n?” she hears someone say from behind her.

“sergeant grant! hello, i was just about to go get started,” y/n says politely to her superior.

“you can call me athena, officer.”

“ok, athena,” y/n has a bright smile that could be the source of light to the room. “is there anything i can do for you?”

“no, you’re all set. just making sure things are good for you here,” athena knows that she’s strong despite the kindness act she puts on. she’s seen she’s not afraid to stand up for herself against all the men at the station. similar to herself, she’s ready for anything god throws at her. “if you get off earlier tonight, i was going to the 118. my husband is bobby nash, and he’s having dinner. i thought it would be a good place for you to settle in.”

“that sounds great, athena. i get off a bit earlier today.”

“good,” athena says with a thin grin. “i’ll see you then, y/l/n.”

they both walk away, going to do their paperwork and jobs of the day. on the first call, they had to deal with a specific threat, making two arrests as y/n shoved them back into the car.

she had easily clicked into her workplace, impressing everyone with her skill and ease with the job. her quick thinking came in extreme need, and athena knew she was going to be one of the best eventually.

after another call, the fire department had been at a site of a crash with drunk driving robbers. the police had been called to observe the suspects and ask them questions about the accident and even before that. after some of the crash on the street was cleaned up, y/n had been on the side, informing dispatch on the current nature of the situation. she was hanging around near one of the trucks when a man, couldn’t have been over 30, walked over to her.

“hey,” he says with a seducing smile, looking her uniform up and down. “i haven’t seen you around yet.”

“i’ve just started working here, i was a cop before but i recently moved here.”

“you liking it? LA can be a lot,” he tells her. “i’m evan buckley, 118. buck.”

y/n smiles and shakes his hand. “you’re from 118? athena and bobby invited me over for dinner tonight.”

“y-you’re y/n?” buck asks, a little surprised. she’s gorgeous, her hair was done back in neat braids. her uniform complemented her well, making her look like a boss, but also looks sweet with her bright smile and laugh. buck noticed her beauty and grace in handling herself.

athena and bobby stood to the side, meeting up at the end of the shift. “i think it’s too late,” bobby says, pointing to y/n and buck flirting very clearly to everyone but themselves. athena would never admit it, but she was actually happy. she thought buck needed woman like her, and she needed one like buck, and after a whole night of convincing each other before bed, they finally decided to take up a new career in match making.

the dinner had gone well, the team asking y/n about her past and why she wanted to become a cop. someone in particular was mesmerized by her stories. “so, y/n, where did you grow up?” eddie asks.

“i was raised in boston, and i went to suffolk for criminal justice,” y/n says. “i knew i wanted to help people, and i came to LA as an escape honestly. just try something new.”

they all nod and smile as they finish their food, laughing about shared stories and the two spend the night eyeing each other.

a couple months had gone by, and buck and y/n had been better close. very close. they were seeing each other almost every day, meeting up outside work to see each other. for being a bad liar, buck was hiding their relationship very well. they started dating a few weeks after the dinner, and no one had any idea. or at least they thought.

buck was definitely head over heels for y/n. she was a person who dominated wherever she was, but carried herself around with respect and a soothing personality. coming home from work, she was always a person to talk to. her sweet and gentle words were always a comfort to him. he thought she was the most lovely person ever.

y/n was obsessed with buck after she met him. he was incredibly charming, being able to light up a room at any time. being able to spend time with him at the end of their shifts was truly the highlight of her day, and she hadn’t felt this happy in a long time. he helped her get settled in the new city that she was venturing. he was always a shoulder to lean on during the bad days, and one to celebrate with after the good ones.

chimney and maddie had been driving over to bucks apartment. they had all agreed to have dinner together so she could spend time with her little brother.

buck on the other hand, had been too preoccupied to remember the plans.

y/n was dressed in a lace bra and panties set, wearing bucks work shirt with his name and badge on it. she was sitting on top of the counter with buck standing between her legs.

when chimney and maddie walked in, they saw bucks bare back, and both of their half-naked bodies. luckily, buck still had his boxers on, and y/n had his shirt. her arms were wrapped around his shoulders, a pair of handcuffs in her hands. “oh my god! evan!” maddie shouted and buck turned around.

“jesus, maddie!” he yelled and his immediate instinct was to cover up y/n. “what are you doing here?”

“some of us had dinner plans,” chimney adds, watching in a humorous way.

“you had dinner plans?” y/n asks.

buck throws his head back in frustration. “im sorry, guys, i completely forgot.”

“clearly.” maddie and chim say, together. “we’re going to go in the hall, give you a minute. while i call bobb-“ chim starts.

“no! do not call bobby because then he and athena will hate me!”

“i think athena would fire me,” y/n says.

“are you kidding? they’ve been trying to force you two together for months!”

y/n and buck give each other a confused look because they both thought they’d want them separate. surely, they weren’t stopping it but they especially didn’t think they would encourage it. they start laughing at each other hysterically at the thought of their superiors trying to get them hooked up. maddie and chimney exit in a hurry, leaving to the hallway.

“well, wanna continue?” buck asks and y/n gives him a questioning look.

“we have like 2 minutes, babe,” she smiles. “i don’t know if we have time.”

“you doubting me?” he says, leaning back in and kissing her again.

“prove me wrong, then,” she smirks and they spend their few minutes not wasting a second.

“bobby! sorry to bother you tonight, but you’re gonna want to hear this!” chim says after calling the captain.

bobby hangs up the phone, and is sitting next to the athena on their couch. athena hears the whole conversation. “i’ll quit my job if you quit yours, and we can start our own business.”

“agreed,” athena says, giving bobby a high-five at their dating app skills. “i will say i’m surprised they kept it a secret. she did seem a bit more upbeat though.”

“so what’s next? getting them engaged?”

“ok, woah. let’s not get too ahead of ourselves. we’ll give ‘em a bit i guess.”

“fine, but i’m getting every detail about this tomorrow from him.”

“i’ll get it from y/n, we will reconvene after a short recess.”

[sunnywalnut]

I fully believe that the only thing that stopped me from identifying as trans when I was younger was the fact of my autistic black and white thinking.

Well yeah. That guy is trans. And I think he's super cool. But I couldn't be trans despite the fact that I feel more like myself with him because he embodies everything I wish I could be but stop myself from being.

Oh no I absolutely could not be transgender at all! I didn't know I was a dude since I was three like all these other people who were taught the concept of gender and the fact that gay people exist from a young age and I only learned lesbians existed after I was ten years old.

Of course that person is transgender. The whole reason I changed the name on the sticky note set on their desk was because they're my friend and I'm an ally. Totally not because I want somebody to do the same for me.

Nah bro. I don't think my obsession with gender neutral names and wanting to change my name to Alex because it was the only gn name I knew at the time had any transgender reasons for it. I'm just super attached to the idea of accidentally being mistaken for a boy. Even if it's just by name.

The reason I specifically searched for books with male protagonists my age when I was younger was totally because of super straight reasons and not because I identified with them more than any of the female leads, despite being extremely similar to a lot of them.

Oh totally I'm not jealous of my brother who's only one year older than me, therefore I get to see him embody all these manly traits like getting a cool low voice and be taught things that I wish I could learn but I wasn't explicitly invited so I stay where I was.

What do you mean it's not normal to treasure the blue Finding Nemo basketball cap that I sneered at on Christmas Day for "looking too boyish" and wearing it inside the house while I crawled up on my grandfather's lap so he could read to me.

Of course my best friend of over seven years is my sister! Despite the fact that I feel completely uncomfortable when she claims that I am hers. Not because we're not family. Because something is wrong with the word "sister" and I can't tell what.

I mean shit. The only reason I realized that I could've been queer was bc somebody told me that if I(a "straight girl") liked a trans guy, then I would be pansexual.

Untrue, obviously, since trans guys are still guys, and my little 13yo brain thought the same way, but the fact that somebody said it so casually just opened the floodgates of "what ifs" for me.

And you know what?

The year after that, I came out publicly as bi. Then ace. Then two years after that gender fluid. Then in the same year, transmasc. Then lesbian a couple months later. Then transmasc but not lesbian after a couple weeks because my partner was also genderfluid. And now? Transmasc/trans man and bi, specifically for the girls and gnc folks.

Had that person not told me I was pansexual, I'm pretty sure I would've just gone around being indifferent to my romantic partners thinking that friendship was the romance all along this entire time.

Six entire years. And I was autistic the whole time.

It was always about being a good person for the "other" people who needed me until I realized I could be the other people as well.

The whole reason I didn't "show signs" of being transgender during my childhood?

Same reason I didn't show signs of being autistic.

I was mirroring people. I was mirroring what I thought was needed of me. Ignoring my interests or things I was curious about. Because I knew what was expected of me. That part of it was explained thoroughly, at the very least. The gender part of it all. And by God, I was going to do a good job at it.

And yeah. I was happy when I found dresses that were pretty.

Not because I was the one wearing them.

But because it meant that my mom thought I was doing such a good job at Gender that I deserved a skirt. In order to show it off to everyone.

Same reason I allowed my hair to be done. Little jewels to be twisted into my long locks that I grew myself and refused to cut. Because this was what I was good at. Everyone, even if they didn't like me, they liked my long, feminine hair. They liked my frilly, feminine dresses. And my shiny, feminine jewelry.

And well... I liked being liked. I liked being admired.

Because nobody noticed me any other way.

Unless it was for my art.

I was good at art.

I'm still good at art.

My "feminine" art.

I no longer get joy from long hair and frilly dresses and shiny jewelry.

But I still get joy from art.

Even if it isn't feminine.

Even if it isn't shown to anyone.

Because it is mine.

It is me.

It is the one thing that I grew up seeing that everyone could do. Regardless of skill. Everyone was thrown in a class together. Everyone crowded around the girl who drew anime in class. Everyone knew of the famous men like Van Gogh. Everyone was able to do art. Everyone was able to be creative. To get messy. To work with their hands.

And everyone meant that there was space for me, too.

There were finally shades of gray.

And I clutch them dearly to my heart, right next to the rainbows of devotion I painted on the inside walls of my ribcage.

Each palette I've created is a labor of love, used to picture the world in each wonderful shade of admiration.

And that is still the one thing that I have found that try as they might, they cannot sort into sexes.

So I keep my shades of gray. I keep my rainbows and my flags. And I paint them with all the colors I like. Because art showed me a way to be free. And I refuse to live my life in a cage. Regardless of who's hands made it.

I just know that it won't be mine.

[jardin-de-limaginaire]

Heyy How you doing? I wanted to make a request for Mischa Bachinski × reader where reader is like this popular but not mean kind of girl in town. Like everyone loves her and she's in every club she can and has good grades in school (which can be a problem for ocean), her friends'parents absolutely love her, etc. And like mischa and her don't talk to much, so he thinks she doesn't even remember his name. (Kind of like the song Gold Rush by taylor swift now that I think abt it? Idk).

The point is ofc she likes him, but she thinks he doesn't like her bc of his angry persona and all of that stuff (also what would people say if they saw her hanging out with someone with such a bad raputation?)

And when they finally clear things up and become friends they end completely falling in love w each other and have to tell each other at some point.

I feel like this is way too long and specific, so don't worry if it bores you or smth, ily :))

Hello! I'm currently very busy with school, but I'll still try writing oneshots at any opportunity I have! And don't worry, I love writing very long and detailed works, and I find it easier when the request is longer because I know what I need to write.

(P.S. In this fanfic, (Y/N) has two moms, which will be referred to as mama and mom, cuz I just felt like it.) (Also, they will appear in the next request too, so be prepared to see them again)

Also, sorry for not writing in a few weeks, I've been going through a long depressive episode lately, but now I've got the motivation to write again

(TW: None!)

Word count: 1,364 words

Beauty and the beast (Mischa Bachinski x Popular!fem!reader fluff)

(𝓨/𝓝)'𝓼 𝓟𝓞𝓥

"The most loved girl in town" has been a Title that I've worn like a badge for most of my life. Ever since I was younger, I knew three things:

"Be friendly to others because you don't know what they're going through, be smart so that you can one day help others live a better life, and last but not least, be happy for making others happy"

At least, that's what my parents always told me, and I obeyed them. These rules have been actually helpful for me. Thanks to them, I am now known by everyone in town as being "The most loved girl in town", thanks to my personality.

I always help others when in need, and thanks to that, I've made a lot of friends. Yes, some of them have been fake to me, but I still have forgiven them.

I am also one of the best students in school. I've never got any grade below 79%, and I am also in every club in St. Cassian high school, including the school choir.

Speaking about the school choir, I am friends with a lot of people, even with my rival, Ocean. We don't hate each other, but we are indeed rivals in every class. After we get the scores on one of our tests, the one who has the lower grade needs to buy Taco Bell from my friend, Noel, and pay with the "loser"'s money.

Even if I have a lot of friends in school, I am not friends with one boy, who's name is Mischa Bachinski. To be honest, I would like to be friends with him, but I don't think he would want to be friends with me, a goodie two shoes.

I should probably try to become friends with him. Everyone has a good soul. There's no such thing as bad people. Mischa is just misunderstood, that's the problem, and I would like to try to break him out of his shell formed of anger.

The next morning, after I woke up, I decided to make a little bracelet for Mischa, since I want to start a friendship with him, and there's no better way than to make a friendship bracelet.

I spent a few minutes making the bracelet, which also included his name, and I felt very proud of myself, yet I was still kind of scared that he might reject my friendship bracelet.

After I was done making it, I put it on my wrist, and then took my backpack, and went downstairs to eat together with my moms.

As I was walking downstairs, I observed the decoration around the house. There were seventeen pictures of me, going from up to down. The first picture was a picture of myself when I was one, and the seventeenth one was of me in the present. I'm not exaggerating one bit when I tell you that my moms are very proud of me. They always brag with pride about how smart I am to everyone they meet. Most parents even beg me to be friends with their kids, so that they can learn to be "better". Of course, I befriended their kids, but I never tried to change them. Everyone is perfect in their own way.

"Goodmorning, (Y/N)! How was your sleep?" Asked my mama. I looked at her and I smiled, as my other mom was making breakfast for us.

"It was wonderful!" I said as my mom gave me an omelet.

"Well, we're glad that you slept well!" Mom said as she sat next to mama and me.

I began eating as if there were no tomorrow, and then got off my seat and waved at my moms.

"Wait, (Y/N)!" Mama said as she walked to me, and pulled my sleeve up, to show the bracelet that I was planning to give to Mischa.

"Young lady. Who is this "Mischa"?" She asked as she smirked. I blushed a little.

"Oh, he's a boy in choir, and I want to become friends with him, so I made him this bracelet," I said, and both mama and mom smiled at each other.

"That's good, honey! Hope we can meet him one day!" Said mom, as both she and mama waved at me.

I waved back and then headed off to school.

I have gotten to the choir and looked around for Mischa. he was indeed here, but he was sitting on his phone.

I walked up to him.

"Hello, Mischa!" I waved at him. He looked at me surprised.

"Wait, you remembered my name?" He asked. I nodded. "What do you want from me?"

"Well, I would like to become friends with you, only if you don't mind!" I said, and I took the bracelet off my wrist and showed it to him.

he looked in awe at the bracelet and extended his hand to take it. He took it so gently, it was as if he never got any gifts from anyone.

"Wow..." He said, and then looked at me. "You really had time to make a gift...for me?"

I nodded. He looked even more in astonishment at the bracelet. He looked like he wanted to cry, but he hid it behind the facade of someone with a "cool guy" persona. "Thank you, druh!" He smiled at me.

"Sorry if I seem rude, but what does "druh" mean?" I asked with a confused smile. He started chuckling. "Druh means friend in ukrainian." He said, still looking at the bracelet.

"Wait, you see me as a friend?" I asked once again. He smiled again.

"Of course! No one here ever gave me a gift, and you are the only one who gave me something even if we don't know each other very well."

He explained. My eyes sparkled. Then he added with a slight blush, "Thanks." I smiled brightly at him, and we continued chatting until class started. I just know that this will start a beautiful friendship.

I'll never forget the day when I befriended Mischa. Since then, we've been like two peas in a pod, rarely separated. Even though I've only been friends with Mischa for a few weeks, I consider him one of my closest friends.

After school, Mischa waited for me outside, and we decided to walk home together. He held my arm, and it felt so nice…but also weird. It was like a tingle running through my body, and my heart started beating fast.

We talked more and more, while slowly getting closer and closer to each other. I could feel a lump form in my throat. Why was I reacting like this? Maybe it's because I had never felt this before. Was this normal? Or was I overreacting? I couldn't tell. Our arms were touching, which was weird. I didn't like being touched by strangers, and Mischa was definitely not the type of person whom I would willingly touch. However, I enjoyed holding hands with Mischa. We arrived at Mischa's house. "See you at school, (Y/N)" Mischa said with a saddened expression as he wanted to enter his house. I stopped him, which made him look back at me "Hey, Mischa," I began, "I actually wanted to ask you something…" "Yeah?" He replied, sounding slightly nervous. "I…I…really like you! I blurted out. His face changed completely, and he looked shocked. He looked at me for a moment. "Why?" He asked. "Well, I guess I don't know! I just found out today that I have a crush on you, and then I couldn't stop thinking about you!" Misha began laughing. "Well, (Y/N), I like you too." He said, smiling. "Really?!?" I asked as I wasn't sure if I heard correctly. But then, it happened: he hugged me. A hug from Mischa Bachinski. "Yes, (Y/N), I really like you too." He said as he broke the hug. We stared into each other's eyes and smiled shyly. This relationship will truly begin like any cheesy romantic comedy.

𝑅𝑒𝒷𝓁𝑜𝑔 >> 𝐿𝒾𝓀𝑒 (𝒩𝑜𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝒸𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇𝓈)

[herotome]

Hi there! I’ve been following for a fair while (I was interested in the premise) and have been meaning to play the game for a while as well, but only started the last day of 2023! One heck of a way to start a year though!

I was wondering, how would the ROs feel about/interact with an MC who is touch averse? If MC can’t stand for people to touch them without getting a little sick feeling? How would that affect their relationship? Would that be a thing that would determine if they would or would not enter a romantic relationship with MC?

And maybe as a lil tiny bonus if you’re feeling up to it, how would the ROs feel if MC one day tried linking pinkies with them? If MC told them that their specific touch isn’t that bad and they wanna try slowly building up physical affection?

Sorry, this is kind of a long ask >.< I myself am iffy on touch at best and I know it’s commonly seen as a “necessity” in relationships of all kinds. Herotome is a VN that kinda breaks down modern relationships and I was curious so I wanted to ask, but alao totally understand if you don’t want or are unsure of how to answer this. Have a lovely whatever time it is in your time zone and I can’t wait to see how Herotome progresses!

Dude(gn) you're valid as hell thank you sending this over <3

I do wanna give a quick shoutout to @crescencestudio who - I know through my direct experience of editing for Alaris - is putting a huge array of touch-averse dialogue options in their VN. Do give them a follow if that interests you...!

I also want to express how flattered I am that Herotome kinda breaks down modern relationships - that's definitely been an unstated goal of mine.

Now let's see about your ask...

Warden: Fuck yeah he's down-- gosh what's gotten into me I'm cursing so much today but I'll make an effort not to censor myself <_< But yeah... honestly a touch averse MC would be right up his alley - assuming he is reassured that he has not done anything wrong/offensive with any accidental touches. To some extent, he enjoys the concept of self-restraint(...) and begins both his professional and romantic relationships rather carefully - so not having to worry about whether he's not touching someone too much or too little - and instead focusing on not touching them at all - should be quite refreshing for him tbh? He may want to touch sometimes, particularly after spending a LOT of time together... but being respectful and ensuring his beloved is comfortable is way more important to him.

Griffin: ..... well, Griffin would do her best LOL. They would have to set expectations and really communicate upfront (which you would always be doing with Griffin regardless of touch aversion, lets be real) - what is not on the table, what could be on the table in the future, what MC wants out of a relationship - and if MC is prepared to discuss these topics and - most importantly, if MC is 100% ready for a relationship - in all likelihood a touch averse MC will be able to make things work with Griffin. Just gotta be clear and communicate.

Mia: ngl she can get pretty needy, it might be rough with her...! She'll want to hug when she cries and she can get pretty insecure about herself, so I wouldddn't super recommend a touch averse MC getting into a romantic relationship with Mia... Communication can be rocky with her even when both sides try their best. But gosh she'd treat touch averse MC sooo well in the time they spend together, if MC would allow Mia to cook and pamper!!!

Dart: Eh.... Why not? He's willing to give it a shot, and if it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out. ....... I'm sorry this is all he's giving me ;;;;;

Jade: lmao she's touch averse on and off herself so she'd understand MC best out of everybody with very minimal communication no questions necessary. They'll be perfectly happy reading on opposite sides of the couch or something...

As for linking pinkies and slowly building up physical affection-

lol idek what to say bc that's so stinking adorable and swoonworthy

Warden, Griffin, Dart, and Jade would make sure MC is not pushing themself over their comfort zone just for their sake - they went into a relationship knowing not to expect touch (I assume?!)

Mia would be too busy having the happiest day of her life straight up vibrating and also having a heart attac like

[sinkingteethinwhitenoise]

Limoncello - Chapter 6

Pairings: Nick Folio x OFC, Bad Omens x OFC

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: Fluff, cursing, one mini flashback, I didn't proof read half of this bc I hate myself, a stupid joke? or exchange??, like it's really fucking dumb i'm warning you.

Series Masterlist

“To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with.” ~ Mark Twain

Mountains of different shirts, shorts, pants, skirts, and dresses littered the floor in Maeve’s bedroom. She couldn’t even see the floor anymore. When Nick had told her that he found it hard to believe that she owned anything black, she hadn’t expected that the nail polish would actually be the only black thing she owned. She also hadn’t realized that she had this many clothes. She growled in frustration as she grabbed yet another colorful article of clothing. She looked over to her vanity where her phone was propped up against the mirror, her best friend’s bored face covering the screen as she watched Maeve through the ongoing facetime call. 

“Presley,” Maeve whined to her friend, striding towards the phone and picking it up as she anxiously ran her fingers through hair. “What do I do? I have nothing to wear to this gig.” 

Presley sighed and rubbed her eyes. “Your floor looks like the opening scene of Clueless. You have plenty to wear,” she started. “What exactly are you going for?”

“Like…A rockstar girlfriend type of look,” Maeve sounded unsure. “At least something that won’t make me stick out like a sore thumb.” 

Presley visibly held back laughter. “Babe, that’s so not you. You’re not going to find anything that fits the bill in your closet.” 

“Well what do I do? I can’t go buy anything,” Maeve whined. “I have to be ready in an hour.” 

Presley thought for a moment, “Do you still have those dark green corduroy shorts?” 

Maeve nodded and set the phone down to dig through the closet once more. She found them relatively quick and put them on to ensure that they still fit. They did. 

“Great,” Presley approved. “Now just style those how you’d usually style them. You’ll look gorgeous. If that boy likes you for you, he’ll think so too. Plus, it’s a dive bar. Don’t overthink it.”

Maeve felt her face heat up at the mention of Nick possibly liking her. She hoped he did, but she continuously convinced herself that he was just friendly. Presley had been rooting for them the moment Maeve told her about him on the day the band moved in across the street.

“Presley!” Maeve beamed once she answered the facetime call. “I have new neighbors! Across the street!”

“I’m assuming you already went over there?” Presley questioned, knowing her friend’s tendency to be hospitable. 

“I just got back from bringing them cookies,” Maeve confirmed. “It’s four guys. And! They’re a band. From what I can tell, they play pretty heavy stuff. Well, heavy for me at least.” Maeve rambled on with the biggest smile that Presley had seen from her in a long time. Maeve usually was one to get excited about meeting new people. But Presley could tell this was different. 

“How did it go?” Presley asked gently, trying to get more information about these neighbors and why they had her so excited. 

“It went really well! They’re all so kind! They loved the cookies,” Maeve giggled before she continued. “Oh! Their drummer is really cute.” 

Presley watched as Maeve’s face turned bright red. “Tell me more about this drummer.” 

“Well, his name is Nick. He seemed a little bit shy. But when we shook hands, neither of us let go when we definitely should’ve. I feel really stupid for that. It’s probably my fault,” Maeve’s smile faded a bit. “Oh my God, he probably thinks I’m so weird.”

Presley laughed and shook her head, “If he didn’t let go either, it’s probably fine.” Presley didn’t say anything then, but she knew that Maeve had a crush and that Nick probably had one too. 

Maeve dug through the clothes on the floor and in the closet looking for some very specific pieces. She grabbed a fitted, cropped white tank top, a thin brown belt, and some brown boots. After dressing herself completely she threw on a dainty, gold necklace and matching stud earrings. She backed up so she was in frame to show Presley. “This is cute right? I don’t think I’ll stick out like a sore thumb.” 

“Super cute. Super you.” Presley gave her a thumbs up. “I love it.”

“Cool,” Maeve nodded. “One more question. Bubble braids?”

“Oh, absolutely!”

After throwing her hair into bubble braids, doing some light, glowy makeup, and saying goodbye to Presley, Maeve grabbed her purse and made her way across the street. She smiled as she saw the garage door open the second she stepped into their driveway. ‘Perfect timing,’ she thought. 

Nicholas stepped outside first, his hair sitting messily in a bun on top of his head. He offered a tight lipped smile. “Hey Maeve. You’re still riding with us, right?”

“If that’s still okay with you guys, then yes,” she grinned as she approached him. 

“Well, you’ll be riding with Folio in the truck,” he explained. “And trust me, he’s more than okay with it.”

“Oh you guys take separate vehicles?” Maeve tilted her head to the side. 

Nicholas nodded, “Yeah. The drum kit takes up a lot of space, so we have to.”

The door leading into the garage opened and Nick emerged. He seemed to be on autopilot as he went straight over to the drum kit without even glancing in their direction. As he began to prepare it for loading, Nicholas leaned over to Maeve. “Watch this,” he whispered. He cleared his throat. “Hey, Folio.”

Without turning to look, Folio responded with a hum. 

Nicholas tried to hold back a smirk, “Maeve’s here. You’re not gonna say hi?”

Folio froze in his spot for a moment. His eyes widened as he finally turned around. His face had turned beet red in a matter of seconds. 

Maeve tried to hold back a laugh, “Yeah what’s up with that?” She played along. “You invited me and you’re not even gonna say hi?” He looked nervous, embarrassed and clearly didn’t know what to say. Maeve couldn’t hold in her laughter anymore as she walked over to him, “I’m just messing.” She placed her hand on his bicep and gave it a comforting squeeze. 

His face settled into a goofy grin as he looked down at her, “Very funny.” 

“Nicholas started it,” Maeve jutted her thumb to point behind her at Nicholas, who had a hand over his mouth still trying so hard not to burst out laughing. 

Folio rolled his eyes as he turned his focus to Nicholas. “Since this is so funny, why don’t you help me load this up?”

Maeve stepped to the side as Nicholas began to help Folio. Once they were far away enough from Maeve, Nicholas decided to tease him a little more. “You are so fucking down bad,” he mumbled to him with a shit eating grin on his face. 

“Shut the fuck up.”

With all the instruments and equipment loaded up, they all left for the bar. Maeve sat in the passenger’s seat of Nick’s old truck and tried not to stare too hard at his profile while he drove. Nick was trying to keep his eyes on the road. It was proving difficult with how pretty she looked and how nice she smelled, so he kept stealing little glances. 

He then realized how quiet it was. Even with the music playing from the radio, he still felt like there was an intense, awkward silence. He needed to say something. He didn’t want it to seem like he didn’t want her there. So, he began to talk about the first thing that came to mind. It just so happened to be a shower thought that he’d had earlier. “You know dog whistles?” he asked her.

Maeve furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at him. “Yeah…” she trailed off, confused. “What about them?”

“So, only dogs hear them, right?”

“I guess…yeah.” She had no idea where he was going with this, but she was curious enough to play into it. 

“Alright. Have you ever heard of a death whistle?” he questioned, seemingly changing the subject. 

“Like the Aztec ones?” Maeve asked. A smile began to form on her face at the strangeness of this conversation. 

“Exactly,” said Nick. “Do you think it’s the same? Like only dogs can hear dog whistles. Can only dead people hear death whistles?”

She bursted into a fit of laughter. “Definitely not,” she responded. “How would that even work? How do they hear it if they're dead?” 

Nick started to laugh along with her, “I don’t know! Maybe their souls have ears or something.” 

“That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard,” Maeve laughed, clearly amused. She lifted her hand to cover her mouth as she continued to laugh harder and harder the more she thought about the absurdity of the question. 

Nick looked over at her fully as he laughed at his own stupid question and her reaction to it. Then he noticed her nails. “Hey, did you paint your nails? They’re black.”

Through heaving breaths in an attempt to control her laughter, Maeve nodded. “Yeah, I painted them last night. Thought it could be fun for us to match.” 

Nick swore he felt his heart swell at the admission and he was rendered speechless for a moment. “Yeah,” he said softly, his own laughter long faded but a fond smile still present. “That’s sick.” 

[amethystina]

I was casually rereading whtd, as one does, and reading the comments (because i love the extra insight you give about the information that we're limited to in Ga On's pov) when i stumbled upon this comment: "… sort everything out? (and no one dies along the way, hopefully) He'll be very happy for them." about lawyer Ko and that in combination with the "minor character death tag" has made me Extremele worried about him. (plus you have also said that the kidnapping tag is not the one we should be worried about!!) I know you probably can't say anything about this because of spoilers, but know that it has been noted!!

Also kind of want a scene wherein lawyer Ko, Yo Han and Ga On are all together. Their dynamic would be so exquisite!! (obviously no pressure to actually write this, just a thought)

Anyway, whtd remains so good even after already having read and reread it in its entirety at least 5 times (and some scenes/chapters much more than that) (my ao3 history says i've visited whtd 200 times… so uh. yeah. i'm normal). I love slow burn so much (to the point where most romance book leave me disappointed bc they MCs get together like 100 pages in), i just love reading/watching the build up of a relationship and you write it so well!

I guess i just wanted to thank you for writing! I hope you're doing well <3

I'm usually very careful not to spoil what's going to happen in future chapters but I'll make an exception this time and flat-out say that you don't have to worry — Lawyer Ko is not going to die. I would literally never forgive myself if I killed him xD Not to mention that you all would probably come for my head if I did. He's just too amazing to be killed off!

So, rest assured, he's not going to die :)

And there will be at least one scene with Ga On, Yo Han, and Lawyer Ko in the same room unless my plans change dramatically. Which they rarely do, but "rarely" isn't the same as "never" so we'll see. Truth be told, though, I'll probably try really hard to keep it because I totally agree — the dynamic would be SPECTACULAR. So yeah. Stay tuned for that, I guess? ;)

You've definitely read Who Holds the Devil more times than I have x'D At least in its entirety. I mean, I reread the chapters at least twice (often three or four times) but I rarely start from the beginning and read it all the way through. I did at the end of my long break last year to get back into the swing of it, but it's difficult to find the time for that since I always have to focus on the next chapter. Which is a bit stressful at times, I will admit, since it puts more pressure on me to remember things at the top of my head (or at least know where to look if I want to check any details) but I'm lucky enough to be blessed with a really good memory, so that helps.

Anyway, I'm so glad you're enjoying it 💜 I honestly didn't plan for the slow burn to be quite this slow when I started the fic, but I can't say I have any regrets. Much like you, I just enjoy it too much ;) There's something so incredibly satisfying about delving this deep into Ga On and Yo Han's feelings and slowly developing relationship. And I guess that's also why I can't help throwing out tidbits of information in the comments, since there's usually so, so much happening within this story that you readers don't see (especially within Yo Han's head).

And I'm still not sure how to handle the knowledge that some people read the comments specifically to find those tidbits. Like, I don't mind you doing so! Go right ahead! They're public and all that. But it kind of blows my mind that some of you are so interested in what I'm writing that you'll do that. It feels a bit surreal to me, but in a good way? Like I'm an ACTUAL writer or something xD

Anyway, thank you so much for this kind and supportive message 💜 I definitely needed it right now because things honestly aren't all that great. Partly because of overall exhaustion and restlessness — mostly due to work — but even more so since it's now been a month since I posted a chapter and the requests for me to please update soon are starting to come in. I swear, it happens like clockwork every time I don't post within a month. And, what makes it worse, is that it's often from people I don't see comments from when I actually DO upload more frequently. As in, they don't comment on the fic itself, only when they think I don't update fast enough. Which is pretty disheartening, not going to lie.

Tragically enough, once the month mark passes, I have to start bracing myself whenever I get a comment or ask because there's now a 50/50 chance that it'll be someone asking me to update soon. They usually try to be nice about it, but it kind of always fails.

So, again, thank you for this. Because while I know that I should take my time and update on my own schedule, it's not always easy to remember that when people start asking me why it's taking so long. This was a nice change of pace and I'm very grateful for your kindness. Thank you 💜

[onlyseokmins]

[05:36] • y.j.h.

Pairing: yoon jeonghan x afab!reader

Genres: suggestive/kind of smut so as always minors dni, best friend's sister, kinda loser bc I always make it that way

WC: 1.1k

Warnings: banter, teasing, mentions of toys (specifically handcuffs), mention of oral (male receiving), mention of choking, alcohol, swearing, idk man lmk as always

A/N: hiiii back w/ this bc I thought of the second line and said aha let's write hannie and didn't look back at my 5893303 drafts! This is lame but enjoy!

“What are they for?”

“Sometimes seeing and knowing too much can be very, very bad. Hasn’t anyone ever told you curiosity killed the cat?”

“You’re not going to kill me, Yoon Jeonghan,” you chirp as you bob back and forth on your feet with a cheeky grin. “Not unless you’re using those whips, collars, and leashes for something very, very bad. Like murder. Or the gross kinds of torture.”

He’s standing in front of you, arms crossed and jaw clenched firmly. Like he’s standing guard to hide his little toys away from your prying eyes. As if you hadn’t already seen what’s in that dresser drawer.    

Nobody would believe you, but it really, truly was purely coincidental. And a hundred percent to your advantage.

The man’s expression is unreadable as always, but you know he’s at least pissed off slightly by the questions he growls out.  

“And what if I am? What’re you going to do about it?”

“Nothing! ‘Cause, it’s not like you’re murdering people.”

“What makes you think that?”

“It’s my instincts. Even if you haven’t answered any of my qu — “

“Acting all cute with that criminal justice degree of yours, huh?” He takes one step closer as he speaks. “But you aren’t good enough to ever get me to tell you anything so let’s just drop it.”

Intent on angering you enough to let the matter be, Jeonghan makes to walk past you, but you sidestep faster and grin at him.

“You think I’m cute.”

“… What?”

“So, how good of a girl do I have to be to please you?”

He balks at his slip of tongue and your question. You’re trouble. Everyone knows it.   

“I don’t know what kind of game you’re trying to play but it’s not funny. Or fun.”

“If you’re somehow afraid of Seungcheol, don’t be. He doesn’t have to know.”

The mere mention of his friend’s name made Jeonghan scowl, a chill crawling up his spine. Because he knew and was informed multiple times in great, explicit details exactly what would happen to any man that made a pass at you.

“I’d prefer to keep myself intact, thank you very much.”

“Hm, I’d very much prefer you that way too.”   

He thinks he’s going to pass out when your eyes shamelessly drift down to his crotch and you even go as far as licking your lips. You have no intention of making this easy. In fact, you’d like to make things very hard. In more ways than one.

But you’re also very well aware that your brother can be the biggest dick around. So, you meet Jeonghan’s stony gaze again with a smile, this time without a mischievous sparkle in your eyes.

“But if it makes you feel any better, let’s just call and make him promise to not lop off your balls or whatever heinous acts he likes to threaten with.”

When you actually pull out your phone his eyes widen, hand reaching out in panic as he curses.

“Stop, Seungcheol’s gonna kill me!”

You tsk and roll your eyes. “No, he’s not. I’m pretty sure he likes you even more than I.”

“Impossible,” he scoffs out, “you’re the prized treasure of the Choi family.”

“I think you boys forget that I’m older than all of you. Cheol’s protective, sure, but all he does is keep you away from me. I’m starting to think the two of you are using those chains and whips on each other.”

Jeonghan sighs and mutters the only thing that comes to mind. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

It was a true statement. All the way from the beginning when you first approached him with a flirtatious wink, drink in hand, and asked for his kind assistance in fixing your bra strap. Only later that evening for Seungcheol to introduce you as his precious older sister and very clearly completely, absolutely, unarguably off limits.

But you liked to test limits and break rules, he discovered. Pulling him onto the dance floor, hidden away from your brother by other gyrating bodies. Jeonghan found out he was drunk on your alluring scent. Something that lingered consistently on his mind. Especially when he was alone in bed. The man didn’t dare to picture your body on his — fingers running up and down your curves, hand wrapping your neck… okay maybe he did.  

But there’s no way he thinks about your giggles, the way you curl into your brother’s body during a scary movie, the scrunch of your eyebrows while examining a case study, or the way you chew on your gum way too loud in fear of what that might mean. Absolutely not.

You continued to tease him, though. A cheeky kiss blown his way when you stopped by the dorms, asking his opinion on a hypothetical verdict, an occasional nude sent to his phone after he somehow managed to secure your number, all the way to now. Standing close enough that he’s drowning in your fragrance once more, hand on your hand, easily able to pull you onto his bed only a couple steps away.

Unbeknownst to him, you can see the softness and longing he tries to hide behind a tough, cool act. Seungcheol has always felt on edge when his sister and best friend lock eyes because even that blockhead can see the magnetic pull you have to each other.  

And right now, no one is here to block it. Your goal all along. Gingerly, you bop his forehead with your free hand.  

“I don’t think you were listening earlier, but I like you, Yoon Jeonghan. Even more than my stupid brother does.” He doesn’t say anything, simply staring wordlessly with stars in his eyes and you can feel his hand slightly tighten its grasp around yours. You pout. “Say it back, loser.”

“… Why’re you calling me a loser?”

“You did mention cats earlier so, do you prefer kitten?”

“You’re such a brat.”

“Takes one to know one. Y’know I’m probably your best resource in getting handcuffs.”

Jeonghan’s tongue pokes his cheek. “No need.”

You make a disgruntled sound when he boldly tugs you forward, a whisper of “I like you too” almost missed by the ruffle of his bedsheets that the both of you fall upon. What you don’t know about is the unopened, brand-new box underneath his bed. Something he’d saved especially for you when he dared to dream that you might give him the tiniest bit of attention.  

Of course, he never imagined that he’d be the one handcuffed to his own bed frame but how can he complain when you’re giving him the greatest suck of his life. The only gripe is that he can’t touch you (especially without your permission) but even as he begrudgingly whines, you assure him there will always be next time.  

Oh, and Seungcheol? All your dear brother does is sigh and grumble that he knew it and stalk past, telling Jeonghan he owes him drinks for the next six months. 

[gayleviticus]

I was skimming thru the gospels recently, trying to get a feel for how they're structured for myself, and smth that caught my eye are what events each Gospel use to open Jesus' ministry after the initial baptism, gathering disciples etc

Matthew, wanting to present Jesus as a second Moses, opens with the Beatitudes, and the sermon on the mount. Jesus is an authoritative teacher of God's Law, the Torah, and how he tells us to live is important.

Mark similarly opens with Jesus teaching in a synagogue, except - we aren't told any of what he said! But we know he teaches with authority, an authority he demonstrates in a very dramatic way by casting a demon from a possessed man. Jesus is God's representative, one who speaks and acts with authority, and yet there's something mysterious about him that can't yet be grasped.

and it's interesting, bc it's sometimes said by people trying to push back against a hyper-theologised protestantism that neglects the social justice implications of the Gospel, that christians spend too much time focusing on the epistles theologising about who Jesus is, than the Gospels which tell us about his moral teachings. But if we accept such a binary division (which I don't), Mark is much closer to the latter than the former; he gives us some teaching, for sure, but much of his Gospel is about establishing Jesus' authority not just through miraculous works but through his Passion and Resurrection.

Luke, meanwhile, opens with Jesus at the synagogue in Nazareth, applying the words of the Prophet Isaiah to himself to declare the Spirit of the Lord is upon him to proclaim liberation and the year of the Lord's favour - in response to which he is rejected by his own hometown. This is doing a lot of things at once; firmly placing Jesus in the tradition of the OT prophet hated by others for speaking the truth and championing social justice, but also foreshadowing Luke's interest in the eventual way Christianity was rejected by Jews and went to Gentiles (which btw i acknowledge this raises issues of supersessionism, but we do not have time to unpack those; suffice to say Luke wrote with a specific agenda at a specific point in time when there was a v specific relationship btwn Jews, Gentiles, and Christianity as a Jewish sect).

Finally, John opens with... Jesus turning water to wine? It almost seems like a parody next to the other gospels! Next to handing down the law, casting out demons, and fulfilling biblical prophecy, throwing out some extra booze at a party seems rather indulgent.

Jesus even seems to acknowledge this "What concern is that to you and me? My hour has not yet come." The Son of gOD should be making a big, dramatic debut, not performing party tricks. And yet he does it anyway.

I'm sure there's much to be said about the theological significance of this - a reference to the Eucharist, a fulfillment of OT themes of the great eschatological banquet with wine running freely, 'the best wine saved for last' as symbolising Jesus.

But what strikes me most is how low-stakes it is - and it's not as if the rest of John is exactly slice-of-life; unlike the other 3 gospels people are much more consistently out to get Jesus here. And yet as his first great sign, through the miracle of water into wine Jesus celebrates the goodness of God's creation, of wine to make man's heart glad, of weddings to join two people in commitment, of parties to celebrate family and friendship. In a sense he's hallowing everyday life here; the lack of drama is the point.

And I think it makes for a poignant book-end with the epilogue to John, which involves no dramatic ascension to heaven as in Luke, nor the giving of the Great Commission as in Matthew, nor the ambiguous cliffhanger ending of Luke. It involves Jesus having breakfast on the beach with his besties. Jesus' ministry in John starts with a wedding and ends with brunch with the bros.

[badgerhuan]

Mitsunoko :3c

@saltyfilmmajor NANCY HI I KNOW IT'S YOU

so I've waited until I'm stuck on a bus for about an hour to answer this on my phone bc otherwise it's going to turn into a 10 page propaganda manifesto with screenshots and I do not actually have the spoons for that.

they make me UNWELL.

Ship It

1. What made you ship it?

my beloved friend @twotwinks was playing through Ace Attorney Investigations and liveblogging it at me. and at one point jhe sent me a screenshot where Itonokogiri swears to follow Mitsurugi through thick and thin. and then was promptly dragged away from him kicking and screaming.

famous last words

jhe then started microdosing me with content about these two in the games, and after I told my treasured friend @maverickcalf about it they also started putting posts about them on my dash. and it took about three weeks before I caved and read through the entire ao3 tag of the ship in one night and. the rest is history, as they might say.

ive always had a passing interest in Gyakuten Saiban but just never got around to getting into it properly. I'd bought and played through a bit of GS6 when it first came out but didn't get very far bc of my limited Japanese then. when MT got really into it I thought it was the perfect chance for me to familiarize myself with the franchise (nothing better than a friend that infodumps) but I. never expected to fall into the franchise as hard as I did, especially not in This Specific Way. this will now be my entire personality for the next three years.

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

god where do I START.

I think what really does strike me is in the first game, how much they clearly trust each other. Itonokogiri is Loud about it so we know clearly where he stands, but while Mitsurugi doesn't say it out loud there are so many scenes where his actions dictate he does trust Itonokogiri. small instances that makes you go HUH. like the fact that he feels bad about keeping things from Itonokogiri in Turnabout Goodbyes!! and the fact that Naruhodou suspected it would hurt him and WEAPONIZED that against him. like. GOD. WHAT THE FUCK. HOW IS THAT CANON.

another thing I love so much about them is that despite fitting the stereotypical roles of a smart character + a not so bright character, Mitsurugi is never condescending to Itonokogiri. it delighted me so much in Gyakuten Kenji 1 where Itonokogiri would have a question about something, and Mitsurugi would just explain it very plainly and straightforwardly to him, without judgement. it means so much to me!!! he never calls him dumb or stupid to his face!! even in his thoughts the most he does is phrase it tactfully in a way that doesn't outright insult Itonokogiri whenever he does something unexpected. I just. oughhh I love them so much.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

oh boy do I.

having only played the games in Japanese and only learned about the changes made in the English version through my friends, I strongly believe the English localization of the franchise is at best a pale comparison to the original and at worst a purposeful character assassination of many of the characters, ESPECIALLY Itonokogiri. to me, Ace Attorney is a completely different franchise from Gyakuten Saiban and the characters in the localization are not and will never be the same characters as the ones in the original. I respect the people in the fandom that love version of the ship and the characters in the localization but I need people to understand. they have a very different vibe from the original version of them. because Itonokogiri, a Japanese man, not understanding what a ceiling fan (katakana) is, and Gumshoe, an American, not understanding what a ceiling fan (English) is, have very different implications, and Mitsurugi's and Edgeworth's reactions differ greatly based on that.

I can never engage with the English-speaking fandom at large bc of that and it saddens me, but at this point I care about Mitsurugi and Itonokogiri's characterization in the original Japanese versions of the games Too Much to compromise on it.

oh and even among jp fans I am camp mitsunoko instead of nokomitsu (it's less about the top and bottom thing and more about the vibes and dynamics bc on GOD Itonokogiri would NEVER be the one to make the first move are you KIDDING ME) and that pigeonholes me into an even MORE niche corner LMAO.

anyway I think that still turned out longer than I meant for it to be sgskhsjs but godddd they plague my every waking thought. ITONOKOGIRI CHECKS UP ON MITSURUGI AFTER AN EARTHQUAKE. MITSURUGI ONLY TOLD ITONOKOGIRI ABOUT HIS TRIP ABROAD AND NO ONE ELSE. THEY CAN'T COMMUNICATE FOR SHIT AND NEVER TALK ABOUT ANYTHING BUT THEY KNOW EACH OTHER SO WELL. WHY ARE THEY LIKE THIS.

[ikoarts]

October 2023 Art

for some reason i wrote a novel under the cut, for those of u actually reading, thank u for being so patient x

vvv dates + info under the cut vvv

1 - 03/10/2023 : another of my faves of last year, was trying to get better at drawing trainz, so just Edward and Toby hanging out, displaying the duality of old men x

2 - 04/10/2023 : got a new puter! one of the first things i set to doing after getting set up was to draw a Ru, of course, it was also just me trying to get used to the new MS paint..... it feels very odd

3, 4, 5 - 06/10/2023 : part 1 of redrawing random pics i have of Edward on my phone with my human version of him, this was really fun tbh, and the third here is one of my fave drawings of the year probs.. like sir.. those look heavy... what big uhh.. Glasses.. you have

6, 7, 8 - 07/10/2023 : part 2! i think i just like drawing his face... dare i say this train is cunty or will that get me exiled

9 - 08/10/2023 : something stupid i thought of and couldn't get out of my head for days so had to draw it..... little johnny from oingo boingo's only a lad, doing what he does best, fantasising about radios he wants oh so bad and running people down with a boyish craving for blood.. based on that 1 meme of the guy driving and thinking of a thing then making that insane face

10 - 09/10/2023 : based on that 1 silly vargskelethor song (that could not be less specific), had Shed 17 on the brain and was reminded of the milk song where the skeleton comes out.. thomarse dank 2 much milk and died..

11, 12 - 10/10/2023 : chooshada again :333 first a little doodle on my phone bc i was wondering about her livery, i do think she'd have originally been NER apple green but then painted NWR colours, butttt with a twist... coz i can do whatever i like... the twist is just that she's painted dark blue rather than a sky blue, coz its more her colour x

ALSO MS paint shada, wanted to draw her more uh, idk, detailed ig, idk i love this one, it also served as more train practice

13 - 13/10/2023 : previous one, but with COLOUR!! not much 2 say other than that shes very cute

14 - 18/10/2023 : saw a tweet abt old photos of engine crews posing with their crashed locos and how the NWR crews would do that, made me think of how, if Toni was (choo)shada's driver, she'd do that.. probably x .. very like her to slay in the midst of a terrible accident

15 - 22/10/2023 : predictably, i have some playlists for the ttte engines, one for Diesel which is notable here, so uhh, i have the scrapped song from the lorax "biggering" in there, bc i see it as like a Duck vs Diesel song, ik im surpassing several layers of cringe here but hear me out ok... i drew this at 2am coz i couldn't stop thinking of Duck lecturing Diesel

16, 17, 18 - 25/10/2023 : speaking of playlists, think i was listening to my Robin one here, and felt like drawing him, i have "the land of make believe" in there, which ive always found to be an oddly haunting song, so this is semi based on that, though that wouldn't be apparent if i hadn't just told u x .. this looks like vent art but tis not i was just having fun

also tiny chooshada, i was in the middle of writing something which i have literally Just remembered now and i was writing a scene where Ru is stuck between some characters who shes not looking forward to working with bc they're about to bicker the whole fuckin time and one of them thinks shes a dick, so i drew her being sad that shes forced to work with morons..... and speak of the devil, 3rd drawing is here with 2 of the aforementioned morons :D i think D+D take a liking to her, they're just a little obnoxious (love them for that)

19 - 27/10/2023 : a quick(ish) digital thing of Chooshada again that i did on the side of another project, more engine drawing practice he he, she'll be out of proportion and lacking detail but really it was just to not be too hard on myself about that, it did help i think to understand how to draw her more, plus just look at her lil face... also she has a number here, doesn't mean much other than 8 being her lucky number, other than 11, like those are just her numbers, suppose i could have it be 1188 to ref her bday, idfk x

[havocspiral]

do you have any evidence about shittyclive being a groomer? genuine question

im glad you asked because he literally groomed me!

note for all of this i am going to be using he/him, i don't keep up with him enough to know exactly what pronouns he uses, if its anything different please tell me and ill update this post. he may be a groomer but im not a twat. also please be patient because my chronological memory is Horrible so i may not remember things in the correct order, but i have all of this written down and i Know that all of this happened

this all happened bc of a server i made called DAAC in ~May 2020 - that's where i met neil and also his friend K (not gonna name em but iykyk), along w a few other people. most of the ppl in that server were obsessed w sexualising me, especially neil. im not abt to put my age on the internet but it was. yknow. not fun, and everyone in that server knew my age btw because i trusted them and did not think that all This would happen (he also drew nsfw stuff and showed it to me)

anyway to cut a very long and unimportant story short, dated a guy, he was crazy, broke up w him and he stalked me march 2021 to ~july 2021, in that time neil attempted to pose as a sort of "protector" and in his OWN WORDS a father figure. side note my stepdad died in feb 2021 and i grieved too much and he dropped a frankly quite ass song abt it but i digress. yeah we got really close knit we were a "father-son" duo and when i tell you the ONLY THING HE TALKED ABOUT WAS SEX i wish i was kidding but our only topics were him telling me abt what he wants to do to his man of the month or how hes suicidal and AGAIN, absolutely inappropriate at the age i was. this lasted for so long that i began to break down entirely and becoming suicidal, also resorting to drinking and hurting myself, even going to crisis teams along with missing a LOT of school because i had become entirely dependent on him. basically he had me on a leash and was using me as a crisis hotline AND a sex hotline. i tried to cut him off multiple times in an emotional state and this obviously wasn't the best thing i couldve done but i literally saw no other choice. oh also during this time he suggested i have DID and i had a counselor for my stepdads death and. god damn he may be a weirdo but he was correct there ill give him that (he did also try to recount my trauma to work out how i worked as a system which. i shouldnt even have to explain how thats just odd)

(another thing i just remembered he sent inappropriate pictures to me and my friend, ill put her recount of it at the end of this)

one day i spoke to K, realised that was i was doing was wrong and attempted to talk about the situation with neil to which he was like. oh yeah i cant do this anymore bye and when i went to tell K he did the same. this was when i was in school which was rare, i just entirely broke down (also worth mentioning every time he told me about being suicidal i mentioned getting a therapist but he said he couldn't and i would also get all shaky and sob uncontrollably and basically be unable to function THATS HOW BAD THE DEPENDENCY WAS) and i had to be picked up bc it was that bad

i texted his instagram begging for at least and explanation and that i loved him and wanted to talk to him again (<- so manipulated it was insane) and he was like yeah but only on weekends and i felt such STRONG RELIEF and then when i went to sleep he went sike lol bye

remember the bf from earlier? yeah he faked his identity multiple times so i (at the time) was used to keeping tabs on people since. stalking. and i didn't want the guy to get the jump on me. so i kept tabs on neil for a bit, which i do regret and am sorry for, and one day he just disappeared? and honestly? i celebrated. also the ex from earlier faked his death multiple times so neils attempt at faking it this way was a dig at that specific incident. it didnt really work because i think about a day ish later he admitted to my friend (the same one from earlier, ill call her V) that he did it and wasnt dead

then he "apologised" to me and while i may not have screenshots for the most part he mentions what he did in the apology which is just. outright admission FROM HIM about what he did. he also admitted the apology was a total lie on his blog which i find funny because he frames it as a "gotcha" when i didnt even accept the apology?

also found out from an anonymous person who knew neil that apparently hes meeting up w people and also is violent w his friends which. ew

ok heres the evidence

(censored parts are for my own safety)

[stilldancewithyou]

I really think they’re not gonna do J cheating in s3 which on one hand I’m fine with since they made him bi and as a bi person myself I don’t want to see that awful stereotype on screen for the billionth time (granted I also feel like it was so tokenized because it was such a blip and I don’t think they’ll ever mention his attraction to men ever again or explore that in a meaningful way but hey maybe they’ll surprise me since I have low expectations when it comes to TV and bi representation; personally I think Gavin has great chemistry with Sean but I’m not sure they’d ever explore j/s since people may find it weird he’d bounce between the Conklin siblings and as of now Steven is straight in the show iirc) but also I read that s2 follows the book very closely according to some extras on set and it would make me mad if they show Conrad’s very human mistakes and then sugar coat j’s so he still looks like the “nice” guy…

I can’t say j is my favorite but I also liked that the books kinda went beyond his nice guy persona and showed how this behavior can be a red flag (bc there’s too many shows that romanticize the guy who definitely sees the girl as the prize and let them end up together and like sorry to Jere who I know loved belly in his own way but his romantic intentions with her started off wrong since deep down it was about getting back and stealing something from Conrad and that just turned me off to them romantically (I do like their friendship)) but then also show him overcome it (I.e. letting belly go at their wedding day and presumably finding happiness since he was mentioned to have a plus one at the b/c wedding) I think this would be nice to see on tv but idk

granted I feel like they have shown in s1 the darker sides of J already and people ignore it (ex. The firework scene like no jeremiah physical violence is not the answer to your problems😒 and him yelling and projecting at Conrad saying he only sees belly as a competition and then scheming to separate them) but idk I don’t know what other problem aside from the cheating that they could throw between b/j to have them on the brink of a breakup that leads to their sham engagement happen for s3 (my worst fear is they’ll make belly the cheater to take the heat off of J since many of his Stans always say belly was projecting when she claimed him to cheat bc “technically” they were broken up and she was still in love with C and this would will further villanize her relationship with Conrad and thus prop up j… and that would remind me of how dirty the second to all the boys movie did LJ by not showing the very real mistakes Peter made in their relationship and making it look like she just freely bounced between John and Peter for no reason)… anyways this is a ramble but I’ve just been thinking about it since s2 is nearing (and in my heart I need it to be s3 already lol)

okay I have thought long and hard about this specific topic and I hear what you're saying. but I still firmly believe the cheating thing is going to happen in the show. I just...idk. there's just no way around it tbh. It's kind of like having Susannah miraculously live...the story wouldn't be the same. I think the cheating went a lot deeper than the surface level people are stuck at, at least in my interpretation of the book. The whole thing about it is that Jeremiah found out that Belly saw Conrad in Cousins in December and she never told him, and Jere spent months secretly brooding about that and being angry (somewhat rightfully) and the way he says things in the books I feel like Jeremiah thought/assumed that something happened between Conrad and Belly (cause they were alone at the beach house!) and he thinks that's why she never told him she saw Conrad. So I feel like after the whole fight about Cabo and Belly not wanting to go (bc she wanted to be in Cousins instead!) Jere went to Cabo pissed and jealous and slept with what's her face out of spite, to get back at Belly. at least that's my interpretation. But he obviously ended up realizing it was messed up and tried to make it better with the engagement. And then as a double whammy to Jeremiah, because of the engagement, Belly ends up spending the summer alone in Cousins with Conrad planning the wedding which probably made Jere even more angry (it's just so ironic lol).

I'm also with you on the point about Jeremiah being portrayed as the nice, perfect guy up until the 3rd book, and I really hope the show captures what the book did. Because they have worked overtime showing how perfect Jeremiah is and how he's the better option and trying to sell him as the best person. I think the way you get to see his flaws and mistakes (which are very human but also he was a jerk for a lot of the 3rd book outside of the cheating thing and ppl are blind to that I feel, like everyone is stuck on just the cheating). I also think it was super important for Belly to see Jere's flaws. She never truly appreciated what she had with Conrad and the person he is because she couldn't see past his very human mistakes (which all happened when his mother was dying and immediately after her death!!!) and she got so stuck on what Conrad did wrong she looked over and felt like Jeremiah was perfect and seemed so much better, funnier, happier, etc, etc, it was very much a "the grass is always greener on the other side" type of situation. The show definitely did show a lot more darker, more flawed sides of Jeremiah pretty early, but I still think they also worked really hard making him look perfect like in the books (up until book 3). I also think that's partly intentional, part of the point is that Belly had very idealized and romanticized ideas of both boys and what dating them and being around them all the time would be like and her bubble needed to be burst by reality.

anyway, all of that is to say that I still firmly believe the cheating thing is going to happen in the show. So prepare yourself while you have time. There's just nothing else that could compare to that to create not just the sham engagement but the angst, the jealousy, the anger and everything and then the way Conrad finds out about the cheating and immediately runs to Belly, all pissed off at Jere...I don't think anything else could get us there.

also as a side note: Jere and Steven did have good chemistry, but also I LOVE THEIR FRIENDSHIP TOO MUCH TO GO THERE. The friendship between Steven, Jere, and Conrad is so important and special and I feel like in the books they're presented as being like brothers. I don't think I could handle another lifelong friendship being ruined tbh (cause Belly and Jeremiah also had a great friendship and I loved it in the books but the show kinda fastforwarded over it). And I don't think it's something that could ever be explored because it gets too close the whole premise/storyline of Belly dating the Fisher brothers. But there's no harm in shipping! I personally thought Jeremiah and Taylor had really great chemistry as well (Taylor and Steven were also good together and I do love them) and I wanted to see more moments with Jere and Taylor. I am also still salty that the show basically erased Jere and Taylor's whole brief dating thing and some of the best flashbacks from the first book. But they're clearly going in the Steven/Taylor direction for now so I'm not getting my hopes up.

[zzencat]

What If I Don’t Really Believe?

tl;dr : having trust in the universe

———-

I had a magical moment today that I wanted to share with you guys. So for the past week, I’d been reconsidering quitting the job I literally just got like 3 weeks ago-ish due to how it thrusted me too fast into situations where my anxiety would freeeeaaak. A lot of networking has to be done too so it’s not just approaching random people on the side. I know that tackling these skills and developing them would help me immensely in the real world, but my introverted mentally-shaken self kept pushing back on it. The dilemma was against gaining these new skills by going full force out there or quitting and waiting for a less demanding, mentally and emotionally taxing position in August. Only last night was I really debating about it after a team meeting, and being in PMS mode doesn’t help. I was like “*fidgeting fingers* I should have a 1-on-1 with the boss” but I didn’t know how to bring it up or approach the topic since I could probably get fired for “not being desperate enough” to be there or work for them. Or he’s just so busy that he might not have time to talk. I asked my spirit guides for a sign because I was stuck af, in my own mental hell and the overwhelmingness of it all. I haven’t been seeing signs or synchronicities as often as I have and I was so desperate for an answer. I was like “if you guys want me to continue with this, I will. If you don’t, so be it. Give me something pls” with my hands clasped together n everything. Said it out loud with my brows pulled together and eyes screwed tight.

We had a team meeting this morning—which I also wanted to 98% ditch bc I was considering just distancing myself just in case they did kick me out, but I attended anyway. With a lot of hesitance and anxiety tho. My stomach was hatin it. Turns out they were offering new positions to this girl and I to just call people and connect them to the main man. TOO LUCKY!! I was like “yeah sure; it’ll help me build some kind of foundation” since I’m fairly new in the whole job world.

After the meeting, the boss CALLS ME. I was gonna reach out and be honest abt how I was feeling pretty unsure and I didn’t wanna be out and selling (especially things I’m not particularly passionate abt), and that maybe I should just quit…BUT BRO CALLED ME. Right after the meeting. I couldn’t believe. he caught me up with speed, is a very nice little man, very understanding and overall, a great teacher. I confessed my thoughts and feelings & he did his. He basically did a private tutoring session with me before his next meeting, AND even considered the ADHD part bc apparently his cousin has it too and he had to teach him before. Chances like these don’t land before your feet everyday, like ever.

I got into it a good 2 years ago and have been fuckin w it ever since. It was such an odd time for me but I took my chances and went with the wind, catapulted myself out of a toxic environment without looking back just because some tarot lady on Youtube told me to. That in itself was crazy. But it was my first act of sacrifice and very much a blind leap, putting my full trust into my spirit team and the universe- I swear my intuition has grown so much and I’ve first had my doubts about this whole tarot spirituality intuition thing, but they always come around. I saw small signs literally the first few days, but was like “nahh it’s just a coincidence…bc no way…right?” When I pick piles/have someone do readings on me, I always take them with a grain of salt in case things switch up. But I promise you, if you have even a sliver of thought that it’s real, it will be. There’ve been too many signs and happenings for me since then to not NOT believe. But don’t forget, you have to put in work to manifest as well (I will link a specific pac I liked.)

So my lesson today is…HAVE FAITH AND TRUST IN THE UNIVERSE. DON’T LOSE HOPE. Ask when you need help. Something will work out for you!

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hi BPP! Just wanted to ask how you’d do things if you were in my position. So my situation is very specific and I really don’t know my place in ARMY spaces. Here’s why:

1. My favorite dynamic among all bangtan pairings is definitely yoonmin. The constant bickering just makes me laugh so much and wish for more. I absolutely love how they just constantly challenge each other.

2. My biases are vmin. I resonate the most with Jimin. His existence makes me cry. I am in love with Tae. Everything about him makes me melt. Jimin is my person; Tae is the love of my life.

3. Lastly, I think jikook are dating…? I don’t actively seek their moments so I’m not really a shipper, I think. If anything, I’d be more of a yoonmin/vmin shipper because it’s their moments I look out for. But jikook is the one pair I keep side-eyeing because their interactions just bring out a lot of question marks in me. They have weeeeird energy, idk it’s hard to explain. How I feel is like how Seokjin reacted when Jimin was explaining the hickey (????) thing.

So to summarize, yoonmin gives me butterflies. vmin gives me a double serotonin boost. jikook makes me release an exasperated but endearing sigh (I say endearing because they’ve still become my top 3, not bcs of their dynamic—too cheesy for me lol—but bcs it seems they make each other the happiest).

Having mentioned all that, I find it really hard to express myself in ARMY member x member spaces (mostly on twitter).

Among yoonmin lovers, there’s a subgroup consisting of toxic taekookers hating on Jimin. Among jikook lovers, there’s a subgroup of toxic jikookers passive-aggressively hating on Tae.

I feel like I’m relatively safer among vminies in terms of interacting with genuine OT7 fans. BUT a chunk of vminies seem to have this annoying superiority complex over other shippers. A lot can’t even fathom shipping vmin romantically. Some of them sound almost homophobic, “u can’t assume they’re gay unless…” and it irks me especially as a queer person.

The thing is I prefer ship-focused spaces because the general non-shipping part of the fandom has the biggest superiority complex against pairing two people together. And they don’t seem to be genuinely open about the idea of the boys actually being queer. And I just don’t like that.

But it’s just so frustrating to not be able to express my love for my favorite duos without having to do it in separate accounts. And I still don’t feel safe even then, because I’m also second-guessing my audience, “u sure u really love jimin?” “u sure u aren’t token-stanning jungkook?” “u sure u aren’t token-shipping vmin?” “u sure u’re okay with them actually being queer?”

Sorry, you don’t really have to answer. Idk where I was going with this. I just like the thought of this reaching someone.

***

Hi Anon,

I've got a few more asks in my inbox like yours, and I recall answering an ask very similar to this almost two years ago - all that to say, I get why you feel your situation might be unique to you and it feels isolating, but ARMY is a huge fandom and I promise you, whatever you're dealing with someone else has gone through before and found their tribe, for better or worse.

There's nothing more to it than curating your space. Someone doesn't think you like Jimin enough despite him being your bias? Unfollow and/or block them. A joker is being obnoxious with their hate boner for Tae? Hasta la vista. And so on. If you don't know these people enough to have a conversation around points of confusion or disagreement, why exactly should you hesitate to prune your online habitat? There's no shortcut to curating your space - you just have to lean into the people whose values align with yours, and cut off the dead weight.

Hopefully that should offer you some comfort.

One more thing I'll tell you now that I told those people then who have asked similar asks before:

If you're the sort of person who is sensitive to how other people think or what they say, being in any big fandom will be a very difficult experience for you. Anyone who is looking for a safe space in fandom is looking in the wrong place. You will always come across weirdos, people who lack basically every literacy skill, conspiracy theorists, and high conflict personalities who think everyone's talking about them or that they're the only people brave enough to obsess over 'taboo' topics. It's enough for you to identify these sorts of people when you come across them, determine for yourself if their values align with yours, if they base their actions in fact and respect for the guys, and act in whatever way that maximizes your peace of mind. It could be a slow process, but with practice you'll get it. Taking frequent breaks and making ARMY friendships offline could help too.

I liked reading your ask because you seem to already have a clear idea of what you like, what you think, and why, but you don't seem like a very assertive person so what I would do might not be practical for you. So I hope all the above are better options for you.

Good luck. 💜

[autistic-earth-genasi]

Okay update on the therapy situation. I emailed my psychiatrist at Kaiser like the therapist recommended and he responded super fast and said he’d already sent a referral which is awesome. However, I got the follow up info today and apparently the referral is for an online therapy thing called Path Mental Health. It’s basically an online portal where you can search for a therapist which is fine but unfortunately it’s only for in network therapists and so the therapist I want isn’t on it. I do plan to give it a decent try and look through the therapists on there but a cursory look told me there are very few or none that specialize in autism and lgbtq issues which are two of the main things I want. Also the therapist I found is overall a much better match than anyone I’ve seen on Path so far. I might be willing to try someone else but it is only online sessions, no in person and I’ve done therapy on zoom before and I hated it. I don’t feel as much of a connection with the therapist and I find it really distracting to be able to see myself on camera.

So basically I’m starting to formulate how I’m going to push back. Like I said I will give it a serious try over the weekend when I’ve hopefully calmed down (I almost had a meltdown when I got the email and saw everything). But I know there is a good chance I won’t find anyone (after literal months of searching different therapy sites I found my list of maybe 4 therapists I was interested in contacting so chances are slim) so I need to figure out my arguments for why they should cover the specific therapist I found instead of any of the ones on that site. I know this is a thing they do because at my consultation, the therapist said one of his other patients was able to get them to cover it, you just have to fight. So far here’s what I have:

They only offer online services which I’ve tried before and found it difficult to really connect with a therapist. Also I don’t have the best internet connection and I live with a roommate so I am not guaranteed to have a private place to have my sessions (the last part is not entirely true bc I have my own room but I do have to be careful how loud I talk bc she can hear me and also past experiences have taught me that people are very afraid of confidentiality laws).

I cannot find someone who specializes in autism, anxiety, trauma, lgbtq+ issues, and family issues who matches my availability (it sucks a little bit because I have not talked to the psychiatrist or anyone at Kaiser about autism and I’m really not looking forward to it but needing specialized care is one of the strongest arguments I have).

Also if they push back would it be a bad idea to 1. Say I’ve already had a consultation with this therapist and 2. Say that he told me he has another patient that got Kaiser to cover therapy with him (in the case that they say they can’t cover it/there’s nothing they can do bc I know that’s bullshit)? Or would that make things worse?

Any suggestions or tips are appreciated! I really need this to work!