#But it isn't supposed to be about who was right and who was wrong.

[reignseclipse]

I mean Sami isn't wrong though.

The beginning of Romans title run he told Jimmy and Jey there'd be consequences if they didn't fall in line. Seth took the wiseman, and he has Bron who i guess is supposed to be his right hand man? Seth is pretty much trying to BE Roman.

The only reason Seth wanted Roman to fall was because he knew he could swoop in. He didn't care about "the monster he created" he wants to BE that monster.

[imgay134]

Ok I'm probably gonna get hate for this.

So first off I'm gonna be talking abt helluva boss, stella and stolas to be specific. This is probably gonna be a LONG post but I need to get this off my chest.

Ok to start off, I fully believe that stell is almost fully in the right for her decisions to kill stolas and ruin his reputation.

My reasoning? HE CHEATED ON HER??? IN HER OWN BED?? AND HE HID IT FROM HER FOR MONTHS BEFORE SHE FOUND OUT FROM THE MAN STOLAS WAS CHEATING WITH???

And people tell me I'm wrong for this

but when we see stella try to hit stolas we only see that after he cheated on her, and to be honest if i found out my husband cheated on me and didn't not only not feel bad about it, but rubbed it in my face daily and continued to see him, and still think he can live in my house with my daughter?? I WOULD HIT HIM TOO??

And not to mention he obviously doenst care for his daughter as much as he says he does.

Stolas constantly tells his daughter that she is the main priority and that he will be there for her.Only to go off with this man that he's cheating on her mother with, and then he completely forgets about her daily

Hell, stolas was fully committed to offing himself for this man that he cheated on octavias' mother with, and then expects her to believe him when he says that she's the main priority??

AND WERE SUPPOSED TO FEEL BAD FOR HIM WHEN HE RIGHTFULLY GETS WHAT HE DESERVES??

And just to clarify, when we see stella before she finds out stolas cheats, sure she's bitchy to him and makes fun of him with her friends, but she's faithful to him! Hell she even invited him to the party, and if you ask me that scene just shows that she will allow stolas to go off and do his own thing whenever she throws a party, or goes have fun with her friends and not really care

People forget that stolas isn't the only one forced into that marriage, hell stolas got off easy! Stella had to get pregnant by stolas (a man she doenst even like let alone want to, you know, with) had to birth his child and then raise her with him.

Sure the only backstory scenes we see with stella and octavia, stella sends stolas out to take care of a fussy baby octavia, but kids are fussy, she's probably had to feed octavia for nights on end, parenting is not easy for either parents, including stella

And it's cannon that stella loves octavia, and yes her hate for stolas is probably big.

But if i found out my cheating husband had finally paid for cheating on me and my OWN DAUGHTER was trying to reach out to him, I would be pissed too.

Stolas hid his affair with blitz from stella for months maybe even years (I don't know the time frame) and stolas thinks he can get off with no punishment?

It's crazy to me that people think that stolas are completely in the right in this?? Sure, the show literally only shows us how 'hurt' stolas and blitz are and how this literally only affects the people who made this happen in the first place??

And you can't make the excuse that stolas and stella had to stay together because the whole divorce arc for them shows that they could've had a divorce any time at any moment, and there was no reason for stolas to cheat at all.

"O-oh b-but stolas was unhappy🥺" SO WAS STELLA AND SHE DIDN'T CHEAT ON HER HUSBAND?? AND SHE KEPT OCTAVIA, TAKING CARE OF HER AFTER STOLAS LEFT THEM TO GO DIE FOR HIS BOY TOY FLING BLITZO

And people say that octavia it doesn't have character development because it always boils down to something like "im sad because my dad is not giving me attention" and YEAH! She is completely in the right to feel that way

Over and over and over again, her father, who cheated on her mother, is off, trying to die for or trying to leave with his fling.

Stolas abandoned his daughter and his wife for this boy, he met on a whim at one of HIS WIFES PARTIES

HE THEN PROCEEDED TO CHEAT ON HIS WIFE AT SAID PARTY WITH SAID BOY. It then proceeded to continuously cheat on his wife for however long. WITHOUT TELLING HER OR ANYONE ABOUT IT

No matter how you put it, stolas is NOT the victem in this scenario.

It just makes me angry that the only excuse i can see for stolas is "oh but he's gay and happy so it's ok that he cheated 🥺"

LIKE BE SO FOR REAL RN🥀

[becausegraf]

Everything You Put Me Through - what is this ‘everything’ really?

Featuring: 

1) Interpreting the actual meaning of Blitz’ angry rant

2) A look into how Stolas misheard him just like most of us did, and 

3) A side-track into how they both gave the wrong signals about what they actually wanted from each other right from the start.

So, idk if this is a new-ish idea or not but

I've been pondering that moment where Blitz goes 'After *everything you've put me through*!!' during their one-sided argument, because it just didn't make a whole lotta sense to me.

The *obvious* reading would be that he means everything as in 'the sex arrangement [that I didn't like but didn't object to]' and I get the impression that's what most people read it as, taking it at face-value. 

It makes no sense though, as we see all kinds of evidence for Blitz actually *wanting* the arrangement to stay exactly as it is. Both before the Full Moon and after he shows his motivation to stick with their deal, and ‘it makes sense’ to him. He's at least physically into Stolas and Stolas is into him, for as far as he knows/hopes, what could possibly be wrong about continuing to have regular sex dates they both enjoy?

Throwing out that accusation of Stolas putting him through something upsetting, I personally felt like he was talking out of his ass spouting something aggressive just to channel his anger *somewhere*, including the whole tangent he went on with the whole 'not taking the lower class seriously' thing. 

Sure, it's an angle you can definitely consider, but it just seemed to have so little to do with their actual interactions around their agreement, and with what was happening right there and then?? The dismissive ‘bye Blitz I'm done talking please leave’ attitude,, sure, but something about his rant doesn't seem on-topic to be about JUST that.

-

All that said, I think I finally figured something out:

He's talking about explicitly everything *other than the sex part*

‘The sex part’ is specifically what he WAS okay with, but it's the whole 'ugh wtf is he trying to do here, playing at us being actual friends and him caring about me' that was NOT part of the agreement that caused by far the most emotional distress to Blitz, and what I think he had in mind when thinking of 'stuff Stolas put him through' that he'd *actually* have struggled with.

Like.... this might sound kinda backwards but I can see Blitz legitimately struggling with 'how dare he put me in this situation where he gets hurt and I feel like it's my fault, and somehow I'm supposed to care and I DO care but what the fuck am I supposed to *do with that*'

- because that'd be the sort of emotional challenge that'd really throw him off and make him feel absolutely terrible.

'If he'd just kept this business-only, I wouldn't be this conflicted.’

If it was ‘just business’ and nothing more, there would be neither the expectation nor the justification to approach Stolas and everything about him like a friend. Blitz *needs* it to be unambiguously ‘just business’ for his own comfort and sanity, because if it isn't… 

Example:

A prissy rich boy just looking to get giggity living out his fantasy couldn't possibly give a fuck if his ‘plaything’ to be ignored outside of fun times didn't come see him at the hospital, right? If that's what this is (and to Blitz that was the only blievable option), to go visit him would be an enormous risk, and a huge emotionally mess at that, given what happened the last time he tried to see someone he cared about who got hurt because of him. 

Yeah hahah, no, it's way easier to tell himself Stolas doesn't care than to open THAT whole can of worms, and push himself into the purgatory of being rejected in anger or be made fun of for being so stupid as to think Stolas might have wanted him there for real.

It's that internal emotional turmoil that really messes him up, and that he resents Stolas for. 

‘Why can't he just play by the obvious rules and keep it simple and clean, why does he have to do this pretend-bullshit making me almost think he actually values me, and make it so hard to keep my distance and stay detached, damnit!’

Because if that's what Stolas was actually doing, that would 1000% count as ‘playing with someone's feelings’, wouldn't it?

The annoying nicknames and the 'having sex appointments' stuff is not remotely the sort of thing that actually bothers someone like Blitz that much. It's maybe a nuisance or inconvenience, but there's no way he actually has deep-seated emotional pain about that. 

Stolas trying harder and harder to invite him closer and get to know him, THAT would be what would piss Blitz off, because he could only see it as this owl dragging him into some dumb roleplay. And that is what would actually, genuinely hurt to be a part of, because he wishes it *could* be real.

When Stolas ‘plays at being his friend in earnest’, Blitz thoroughly hates how it makes him feel.

Stolas is NOT pretending, but that's 100% inconceivable to Blitz, it's the one possible interpretation he can't risk taking seriously because if he's *wrong* oh my lord…

At this point in time, Blitz can't process his own feelings well enough to comprehend that that's what's causing him this pain, so all he feels is agitation over something vague. 

‘This hurts and I wished he'd stop doing what's causing me to feel this way.’

He feels anger, some resentment towards Stolas, and the only proper explanation he can give to himself is that Stolas is being thoughtless and disrespectful towards him - of course he'd be bothered and annoyed. That makes sense in his mental framework.

‘This whole thing he does, pretending to give a shit for real makes me feel like garbage, and he just keeps doing it like it's nothing, because he's just a total braindead douche when it comes to that specific stuff. He doesn't get why he needs to stop at *all*.’’

Blitz is walled off from his own vulnerable yearning and desires by fifteen layers of deflection and ignoring and irony. 

He tells himself he hates Stolas’ disrespectful, patronizing attitude, when the core of it is *disappointment* and self-doubts, and how it triggers his sense of unworthiness and hopelessness about never being able to have anything ‘real’.

He *genuinely* didn't get it, as obvious as it seems from an external POV, and other than Fizz nobody had any reason to challenge him on that. Other parties either didn't care, saw it just like Blitz did, or had no idea Blitz could be *that* freaking blind. 

Example:

Millie goofily referring to Stolas as Blitz's ‘boyfriend’ to her parents. Blitz responds as if she's disrespectfully joining in with Stolas’ thoughtless making a mockery of his feelings just to tease him, rather than being affectionately cheeky about this odd but kind of cute situationship he has going on and ‘pretends’ to be in denial about.

-

ALL OF THIS makes what he said when he blew up at Stolas make perfect sense.

... and it also means Stolas misheard it as 'he thinks I'm just some shallow sex fiend using him for pleasure' instead of 'he's mad at me because I sounded like all my attempts to be nice to him were just a messed up powerplay, despite me meaning every word of it'

To Stolas, Blitz thinking he'd be that shallow is far easier to believe because it's the most obviously logical, AND it's also kind of his worst fear at that point. 

The notion of his genuine interest and tenderness being consistently misread, by comparison, is a pretty strange mental twist, it *almost* makes no sense at all

'When did I ever play with his feelings, it can't be all the times I tried to be nice to him with no strings attached because I really meant that in earnest... so it's gotta be the sex arrangement he's mad over??'

No wonder he took it the way he did.

-

Now, for my third section - it's quite the tragicomedy that their first reunion as adults was a whole pile-up of giving each other inaccurate impressions of what the other one actually wanted.

'Are you here to ravish me' = oh okay, owl do be randy??? thinketh a Blitz

'Oh hey there buddy, want me to ravish you then~?' = oh uh wow uh um ok he's here because he's actually for real into me????? wondereth a Stolas

and then they just kept that little 'roleplay' of trying to give the other what they thought they wanted from each other going, assuming that was the actual primary motivation of the other (when really Blitz was there for the book and Stolas had no idea what he was getting himself into and he was just making shit up on the fly half sloshed).

They pretty much *showed* each other that yes, they do in fact want-a-da-sex from each other, pretty explicitly,

and the deal they struck was just a convenient excuse to keep seeing each other.

It's not that hard to see how Stolas' thinking went there... 

‘Hey so, that was the most amazing thing ever and oh my goodness me, if Blitz actually likes me that way and as an aside he can use the grimoire too, um, well, tee hee hee? maybe we can make it a regular thing officially~?’

He called it favours for favours, but really it's sex for sex, and the grimoire's kind of a bonus tossed in because it makes a neat story, for as far as he's concerned. He clearly didn't have any intentions of withholding it if Blitz wanted a different arrangment.

'Let's keep having dates under this little fun guise of borrowing my book, because hee hee hoo hoo that's a neat dramatic plot device just like in my novels'

He only way later clues into the implications of 'wait shit he does actually really need that book for real, this is kinda messed up despite never intending to lord it over him like this'.

Stolas *would* be the kind of dork to think of it like some romance story where the fated lovers come up with some cover story to continue their passionate forbidden tryst

... and it also makes scheduling really simple, HAH. 

(I mean scheduling can be *such* a pain in the ass, anyone who's ever played DnD would know that well enough, right~? Consistency is key ehehehehe.)

[libertarianbean-plz-dont-step-sh]

Initial disclaimer: didn't read anything you wrote in response to the others in this reblog chain because I was honestly supposed to be in bed an hour ago, so I just can't, man.

I mean I agree with what you said in your response to my point?

I know everything is chemicals, I'm studying chemistry in uni amongst other courses, so I am quite aware of the mechanics of... Life? So, for example, if I said I put sodium hydrogen carbonate in the cake I made you, you'd probably be reconsidering the pros and cons of eating a slice. But that's just baking soda. Not as scary sounding.

Fun fact! That example was brought to you (and me) by Ann Reardon! I have been subscribed to her channels for at least 6 years by now, and I watch all her videos, the one you attached included! So, again, yeah, I am aware and I agree.

I think the misunderstanding in this was caused by me talking about those "evil chemicals", when I was just paraphrasing things I've heard for years that I was criticising.

You then said that it's not correct to say that Europe bans harmful ingredients while the US allows them. But you kinda contradict yourself with your next paragraph?

Correct me if I interpreted what you wrote wrong, but the jist of it is that Europe tends to ban more things, even if it's not 100% sure they are harmful, because it tends to err on the side of caution, while the US strategy is different.

Now, I'm not here to argue who is more correct in its approach because I'm not qualified to do so, nor am I claiming that this way the EU has absolutely banned everything that is harmful. But it does imply that they certainly do so more than the US, who has a more lax approach.

I think a good example of the difference between the US and EU is your radioactive-looking, red-orange Fanta and our pale-orange/yellow, orange juice-colored Fanta, and how it's essentially waterdowned, carbonated, sweetened orange juice.

And for the last point about sugar. Yes, I also agree with that. Obviously. That's just how that works. [That would be the job of the parents, rather than the government, as it can't force parents not to make their kids drink coke (it CAN force them not to snort it though. Isn't that weird?) ]

But the word sugar as we commonly use it refers to sucrose, which is in the same family as fructose, glucose, lactose. So using less or no high-fructose corn syrup IS using less sugar.

Again, not a food scientist. I'm not nearly qualified enough to propose what to use instead.

But my point in my post was never to suggest an alternative, nor, as a matter of fact, to claim that one approach is better than the other. As you said, the US does better in some aspects and the EU in others.

All I was doing was fucking tweaking about having to hear whining for YEARS about how the US is supposed to be more like Europe, only for those same people to whine AGAIN when it does just that.

I don't care who's right or wrong, I care about inconsistencies.

I think being coherent is maybe even more important than being right about a certain aspect.

Because it's incredibly difficult to be right about something, and if you are completely honest to yourself, you will never truly know if you are right about a certain topic, it's basically impossibile. But what you CAN be certain of, is if your logic is consistent or not. That is something you can know

(that means you can be consistently wrong, but still, it's better than being inconstant AND wrong)

I can think of a hundred things we could do to improve our collective health a hundred fold more than replacing sugar with a slightly different sugar that breaks down to be the same sugar in our bodies.

Free cancer screenings.

Eliminating food deserts.

Free vaccines.

Free birth control.

Drug treatment.

Naloxone to anyone who wants it.

Okay, I am too tired to do one hundred. But I'm sure I could.

[gowerhardcastle]

Feedback in Interactive Fiction

Just sitting, writing a game with no feedback can be incredibly difficult and demoralizing; you're just sitting there, accumulating page after page, and it can feel like you're just doing it in this complete vacuum.

And interactive fiction is, I think, *extra hard* to get feedback for--the barrier to entry feels higher. You can't just hand someone your story, and then, even if they play through, they've only seen (if you are branching interestingly) a sliver of the story.

It's hard enough to get someone to read a short story you wrote and give you honest, useful feedback that isn't "oh, yeah, I liked it!" because they are your friend. Getting that for interactive fiction, getting some real conversation is--I don't want to say crazy difficult, because I have seen it--but let's say very, very challenging.

That's the nature of the beast, though.

I mean, I've been immersed in Choice games for a decade now, and when I go to the Choice of Games Reddit and people ask about certain paths through games that I have played multiple times, some of those aren't even familiar to me. I have nothing to say on those threads, because I don't even know that romantic path they're asking about! It's hard to have a conversation about IF, and that's why the Reddit threads are almost all asking for recommendations rather than a discussion of a game--because done well, most players of a game are reading quite distinct games.

This, in addition to the incredible array of truly excellent works-in-progress brewing right now. It's hard to find people who want to get immersed to the level of being able to offer feedback.

And then there is the other problem, which is that it's quite challenging to give feedback: it's a pretty sophisticated skill, and I know this because I teach it (or try to) in my classes. People have a lot of trouble knowing how to move from microlevel feedback (you need an "s" at the end of this word; you spelled that wrong; this character's eyes were blue in this chapter but brown in that chapter) to macrolevel feedback (I didn't think this part was funny; I got confused by the end of Chapter Two; you need more transition into the fight scene).

Microlevel feedback feels safe. Macrolevel feedback is hard and puts yourself out there in a scary way. And you run the risk of the author getting defensive. This is why when you make students read each other's essays they will look at each other and say "It was good, I really liked it!" with no other feedback unless they are taught otherwise.

We're all super busy, and many, many, many people who are best qualified to evaluate interactive fiction are writing interactive fiction themselves. And if they are, their precious time is spoken for!

I feel this as well as I'm working on a really, really long sequel to a really, really long first game in a series, which is itself a takeoff on another pretty long game. It's like...how do I present this to someone for feedback? My solution has been to make this game relatively standalone and understandable as is, but even so, there's a getting-overwhelmed-factor at play.

I've written more about this effect here (for free membership) and how odd it is to be in the middle of a series and try to talk about the middle game, and just some thoughts about series in general.

I have also apparently hit some button or other and initiated a 25% "End of April," membership sale, which, all right, let us celebrate spring together in this fashion. It's not maypoles and cloved fruit, but it'll will do, I suppose.

[midnight-bay-if]

I just stumbled across the demo, and it's fantastic! I'm already in love with N and Umbra, Umbra in particular! (something about them!) let me know if this is too much, but how would the ROs react to someone with sexual trauma, who is scared/nervous about being physically intimate with the ROs after having scarring experiences in the past?

(Thank you so much, anon! And this isn't too much, but I have avoided answering asks where consent is questionable... I'm less comfortable with that. But since this is more about providing comfort, I will answer. Also, sorry for the long wait for this one. This was a heavy one for me, and these characters are complicated. Heavy trigger warning for this. It's not graphic, though.)

S: They could hear it in your voice; the cracks, the pauses, the tension in your throat, the words wilting away whenever you tried to find them. You feel the need to explain yourself, because sometimes you flinch away on instinct, and your immediate response is to apologise for your own body. It hurts them every single time.

After another evening spent conversing, listening, hands wandering, fingers circling skin with a delicate tickle, a stray touch causes you to pull away, and Selby feels their heart freeze.

“Talk to me,” they coax gently—not an order, but an invitation. “I am right where I want to be, and I have no intentions of leaving. You can tell me anything, and my affection for you will remain unchanged. I promise.”

So, you talk. And talk. You tell them everything. For the most part, Selby listens quietly and patiently, barely breathing through the long lapses of silence between the more difficult sentences, with a palm open, should you decide to lay your hand in theirs. When you are done, exhausted and unable to share another word, they lean forward, watching your reaction very closely before pressing a gentle kiss to the back of your knuckles.

“Words cannot express my sorrow for you, my darling,” they whisper, misty-eyed. “I hope you know I will never expect more than you are willing to give.” They pause, collecting their thoughts, pushing down the anger they feel for those who hurt you, so they might pull the soft words they need to reach you. “My heart is already yours, so do with me what you please. I would crawl on my knees and beg for mercy at the feet of your demons before I ever wilfully hurt you. Tell me what you need, and I will make it so.”

Rain: This is their fault. How stupidly blind are they? So caught up in the feeling of tenderness, and butterflies, and all things sweet, they failed to recognise the very real fire burning beneath. How long had it been burning for you? How long had they been adding fuel to the fire?

You had been cuddling up together beneath layers and layers of blankets, watching another classic movie you had been dying to introduce to them, when, lost in their own head and feelings, they thought to slide a teasing hand across bare skin. It was supposed to be teasing, seductive, sexy… but you pulled away, quickly, breathing harshly and with the bubblings of panic. Rain felt stricken.

You were afraid. Of them.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I thought—” the confession dies in their throat. “I’m sorry…”

They feel terrible, especially when you sit down with them, calming your own racing heart in an effort to comfort them and explain why you reacted the way you did. Their stomach turns with every word, and they cannot help but imagine how impossibly helpless you must have felt. With every stray tear they cry, they quickly swipe it away with the cuff of their sleeve. They have no right to cry in the face of your strength.

“I am so sorry you went through that, and I hope you know that it was wrong and none of it was your fault.” The words feel completely inadequate, but they needed to say them. They needed you to hear that much. “I also hope you know that my affection for you isn’t riding on a touch. Even nights like this, just sitting together, watching a movie, with only the TV light to illuminate us, make me fall more deeply in love with you every second. There is nowhere else I would rather be. Your journey of healing is yours to take; know I will be staying apace with every step.”

Taj: You are not yourself. They have noticed you retreating further and further away, the closer they try to pull you in. It’s difficult to not feel hurt, to not doubt, to not question. Not you, but themselves. Did they say something? They are always guilty of something, some misguided statement, or ignorant dismissal. Their only conclusion is that they have already managed to fuck this up—this one good thing.

One evening, it all becomes a little too much. You are sat quietly, knees tucked into your chest, your arms wrapped around them, as if trying to make yourself appear as small as possible. And Taj freaks out.

“Can you just tell me how I’ve fucked up?” The words come out harsher than they intended, his tone chastising, but by your flinch, you don’t seem to realise it is themselves they are castigating, not you. “Fuck… I didn’t mean to...” they pause. They really are a piece of shit. “I-I’m sorry; that’s not— I wasn’t trying to—”  the words are stunted, disjointed, an apology unfamiliar on their tongue. But they want this to work. They need this to work. “Can we just, like, talk? I’m not angry or anything,” they say, purposefully dropping their tone to barely a whisper, “but I can feel something is going on with you, and I’m… afraid.”

You finally share what has been on your mind about why you sometimes struggle with the aggression, the assertiveness, the touch; they feel sick. Sick at the world, sick at the sick fuck who dared to hurt you, and sick at themselves for not seeing it sooner. For not realising.

They want to hurt someone. They feel it building inside of them—the inexplicable rage. But the last person they would ever want that to be is you. So, they force the fire down; it sits in the pit of their stomach, a bomb ready and lying in wait to be pulled at exactly the right moment, but for now… it idles, and they breathe.

Finally, they slowly reach out, watching for your reaction as they gently take your hand in theirs. You don’t pull away. So, they bring your hand close and place it on their arm, ensuring your nails lightly dig into their skin. You try to pull away, feeling obvious fear that they mean to hurt themselves through you, but nothing could hurt worse than the thought of hurting you. “I want you to do this if I ever do anything you find uncomfortable,” they demand, a desperation lacing their words. “Dig your nails in. Hard. It won’t hurt; I promise.”

“Taj—”

“Listen, I’m no fucking good with words. And right now, my head is swimming with a million different ways I might kill the fucker who hurt you. Or better yet, help you do it. But that isn’t what you need to hear right now. All I can offer is myself, as I am. I hope it’s enough because I’ve thrown my lot in with you, now, Koel. I’m yours, in whichever way you need me.”

N: They see that glassy look in your eye.

It’s a look they are all too familiar with, having seen it staring back at them in a mirror on the loneliest evenings in a palace full of people, wearing little but a robe and expectation. Coercion is a mask, and one they have worn very well over the years, although never to those ends. They would never go that far. The very thought blackens their thoughts. They play the role of the most beautiful child almost perfectly, with every step rehearsed, practised, and utterly in line with expectation.

They could have said no; they didn’t. They chose it. They chose it. It’s what they tell themselves, over and over, to create a version grander than reality. They chose it.

But you didn’t.

One evening, when you are both alone, and they feel the twinge of your thoughts, a fear, a lingering guilt for your withholding touch, and the stone in place of their heart begins to crack. You want to share, to open up, but your throat burns with the unshed tears, and the words strangle in your throat.

It’s a scream subjugated into silence.

“Forgive me, my dear, but your thoughts are rather loud when distressed. If there’s something you wish to share, I am all ears. In your own time, of course. But if you truly wish to maintain your silence, I might be able to shut myself out from consciousness forcibly. If only for a while.”

They want you to have the choice; the option to say no. It’s too important.

You choose to tell.

And it breaks their heart entirely.

“My dear, if you decided you never wished to touch me, if the only intimacy we ever shared was the tips of our fingers pressed together, I would embrace you still. What happened to you should never have happened.” These words barely scratch the surface of the depth of their feeling, but it hardly feels appropriate to lament how you cannot currently snap the neck of the person responsible. Better to keep it light. “And I apologise if my behaviour has ever made you uncomfortable. From now on, you are the ruler of this chariot. I am happy to be along for the ride.”

Umbra: It takes them a long time to recognise that anything is wrong. They were perfectly content to bask in your company, sitting side by side with five inches between you, and not even question it. It was their own discomfort, their fallacy, their penchant for isolation that created this distance. It was their burden to bear, not yours.

But then you began reaching for them in the dark, trying and trusting, eventually pulling away in quiet frustration, and then they noticed. It was too easy to assume the problem was with them. Of course, you would be repulsed by their touch; it’s only natural. Until it all becomes too much, and you scream.

It’s the kind of war cry one might hear at the end of a long, bloody battle—wounded, afraid, and desperate for it all to end. It’s terrifying, and beautiful.

“Tell me,” they whisper, instinctively understanding your shriek for the cry for help it is, and feeling ready to flay the skin of the monster who created it.

You do. You share what you can, and clam up on what you can’t.

Umbra’s hand begins to shake with the breathless way you speak, and they settle it by laying it on the handle of the dagger they keep sheathed at their side.

“I will find them,” they vow, the fury uncontainable inside them.

“This isn’t about them. Umbra—”

“I will find them,” they repeat. “You won’t need to be afraid if I find them.”

[akechi-stole-my-heart]

respectfully, i disagree. i very much do know who loki is, i've done in depth research into him for my akechi palace fic. and you're right, loki is a trickster who plays both sides. but the thing about loki is that he is seen as a villain in the collective unconscious, or at least, very much was for a long time--he was seen as a devil figure. this isn't an accurate portrayal of loki, at least, from what little we know about him, it appears to be a twisting of the truth--loki is ultimately a mysterious figure we know very little about due to the christianization of the norse. but that's neither here nor there. the point is, akechi's persona is very clearly drawing on this villainous concept of loki in his design and akechi's own outfit. loki is supposed to be seen as a villain. even if that's not actually the truth.

of course, the truth is complicated. akechi did want vengeance. he was acting according to his own sense of justice when he took that vengeance. but akechi doesn't think it's true justice--his true inner sense of justice is represented by robin hood, as he states when they infiltrate sae's palace and is proven by the ova proof of justice. loki represents a different kind of justice, his personal justice and anger at society, a justice that ultimately aligns much more the with the vengeful phantom thieves than robin hood's societally acceptable version of justice does. i agree, loki is a version of justice for akechi, but he doesn't necessarily see it that way, deep down.

because akechi knows being a murderer is wrong. he knows he's not the hero of the story. he knows he gave that up when he took on his personal sense of justice and became a villain instead. when he gave up on his other sense of justice, the selfless hero surrounded by allies that he idealized as a child. loki represents both his personal justice and his understanding that that personal justice turned him into a monster.

of course the designs of the outfits matter. they represent one's internal concept of rebellion, don't they? akechi's rebels through loki by defying society's expectations for him to be the perfect obedient upstanding little boy. robin hood rebels by holding on to that childish sense of justice even after society has told him over and over and over again that that dream for himself is impossible, that true justice, that real heroes--they don't exist.

loki is a trickster god, but he also brings about the end of the world. he kills all of the gods in his quest for vengeance. vengeance that is, perhaps, deserved, but that doesn't necessarily make bringing the apocalypse right--countless innocents also die due to loki's actions.

the truth of loki is complex and multi-faceted. that is the point. akechi thinks of him as the evil counterpart to robin hood, the part of himself that must remain hidden at all costs, the ugly, disgusting parts of himself. but that isn't the whole truth. loki is far more sympathetic than society has given him credit for, and I think that is true of akechi himself. he doesn't realize that loki isn't evil, because his self-conceptualization is so thoroughly divided into "hero" and "villain." he is either one or the other. if he is true to loki's justice, he gives up robin hood's heroism, and vice versa. he is either perfect or irredeemable. there is no in-between. akechi hates himself, he fundamentally despises who he has become, and that is reflected in this binary divide. he doesn't have a healthy self concept that accepts both sides of himself and synthesizes them into the true anti-hero that he is.

until hereward, that is. but that's a separate meta for another day.

"akechi thinks his vengeance was just" maybe that's the lie he told himself to justify it but actually no. the whole point of loki and robin hood are that he knows he's a villain. he knows he's not a real hero, a real hero would live up to robin hood's ideals, which he doesn't, not deep down. he knows his actions are ultimately unjust and loki's villainous appearance displays that. but he commits them anyway because he needs his vengeance more than he needs to be a hero. he knows what he's done is evil and he did it anyway. akechi is not light yagami. anyway i need to go to sleep maybe i'll write a real meta about this in the morning

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

None of our hands are clean

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[bookshelfdreams]

.

[raleighrador]

"He didn't lie because later on he filled in some of the missing pieces" - that isn't how the truth works? If I lie to you today, and then tell the truth tomorrow, I still lied today. Lies of omission are still lies - subsequently offering the information doesn't undo the initial deliberate omission. Also if you are talking about "filling in" the pieces about Leia... mixed honestly. Obi-Wan confirms "the other" is Luke's sister, but Luke works out it is Leia on his own. "He never manipulated"? Genuinely, all love and I am glad you get what you want from these movies, but it feels like we watched completely different films. Obi-Wan (and Yoda) very clearly seek to manipulate Luke. They give him just enough information to establish a conflict with Vader, and a justification for Luke to confront and kill him, while withholding clearly relavent information that would change Luke's mind.

The literal dialogue in ROTJ when Luke asks Yoda (source is https://imsdb.com/scripts/Star-Wars-Return-of-the-Jedi.html)

LUKE Master Yoda... is Darth Vader my father?

Yoda's eyes are full of weariness and compassion. An odd, sad smile creases his face. He turns painfully on his side, away from Luke.

YODA Mmm... rest I need. Yes... rest. Luke watches him, each moment an eternity.

LUKE Yoda, I must know.

YODA Your father he is.

Luke reacts as if cut.

YODA Told you, did he?

LUKE Yes.

A new look of concern crosses Yoda's face. He closes his eyes.

YODA Unexpected this is, and unfortunate...

LUKE Unfortunate that I know the truth?

Yoda opens his eyes again and studies the youth.

YODA (gathering all his strength) No. Unfortunate that you rushed to face him... that incomplete was your training. Not ready for the burden were you.

LUKE Well, I'm sorry.

Even if you think Yoda did it out of justified and well meaning concern, he still deliberately withheld information in order to guide Luke's. The benevolence (which I doubt) doesn't make it not a manipulation. It is equally clear with Obi-Wan. Same source as above: LUKE Obi-Wan! Why didn't you tell me?

The ghost of Ben Kenobi approaches him through the swamp.

LUKE You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father.

BEN You father was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I have told you was true... from a certain point of view.

LUKE (turning away, derisive) A certain point of view!

BEN Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.

Luke is unresponsive. Ben studies him in silence for a moment.

BEN I don't blame you for being angry. If I was wrong in what I did, it certainly wouldn't have been for the first time. You see, what happened to your father was my fault.

Obi-Wan himself doesn't even put much effort into defending the fact that he lied. Luke certainly doesn't accept the "certain point of view" spiel. Obviously I cannot control how other people interpret a text but it also feels obviously clear to me that the audience is supposed to clearly believe Obi-Wan lied. He doesn't deny it, Luke doesn't accept his explanation, and we have the films themselves - we have seen the truth of who Vader is, we can compare it to all the times Yoda and Obi-Wan could have and chose not to tell Luke etc.

He didn't "stretch the truth" he quite literally lied. "A young jedi named Darth Vader, a former student of mine, betrayed and murdered your father". That is quite literally not what happened, Obi-Wan knows that isn't what happened, and he says it anyway. Words mean things! "He didn't want to put to put a lot on the boys shoulders" - again, but what? He literally immediately hits him with "here is lightsaber, you need to become a Jedi, come with right away to rescue the princess"? At what point did he ever make it seem like he wanted Luke to take it easy? That just isn't what happened. "He knew Luke wouldn't believe him so overall he didn't lie" once again, not how lying works. It doesn't matter what someone will or won't believe, that doesn't change the truth. Additionally, he clearly thought Luke was ready to believe that his father was a Jedi, old Ben is a famous general and all sorts of other big claims so he clearly believes Luke IS ready to believe a lot.

"He gave a stretch of the truth to the point that would lead of Luke of wanting to know where his heritage was coming from". Again, he lied. If I tell you someone murdered your dad when in fact your dad is alive (and is actually the person I claimed was the murderer) that is just a lie. The secondary idea here that he deliberately told Luke enough to pique his curiosity because he wanted Luke to learn the truth... It just didn't happen. in ANH, in Ben's house, Luke's face LIGHTS up when he realises Ben knew his father, he clearly wants to know more and Ben doesn't encourage that AT ALL. He gives him 3 details, then "confirms" Anakin is dead, then gives Luke the lightsaber to change the conversation. As per the script extracts above Ben and Yoda deliberately tried to prevent Luke from learning who his father is. Again, all love, take what you want from these movies, but at least acknowledge what happens on screen.

Luke already wanted to fight along with the rebels... no? Again, I am sorry, but if anything the exact opposite. Luke wanted to go to the IMPERIAL ACADEMY. He goes on to say he hates the Empire but clearly doesn't see fighting them as his issue or plan. He wants off the farm to go to the academy, to become a pilot, but not once does he say he wants to be a member of an armed insurgency. He explicitly tells Obi-Wan he can't go because he needs to get home.

He is just a kid who wants to go to flight school. "So even if Obi didn't do what he did one way or another he would have found out"... yes exactly. If Obi-Wan didn't lie, Luke would probably have found out sooner. That was the entire point of the lie.

The whole thing re Owen... ok and? Even if Owen was lying to Luke, that doesn't mean Obi-Wan wasn't. Crucially, Owen is himself a victim of Obi-Wan's lies. Owen believes Anakin is actually dead, and that he died because he was a Jedi. He is worried Luke will become a Jedi (and die) because of Obi-Wan. He doesn't know Anakin is alive. They are not at all equivalent.

In terms of the Kenobi series showing Obi-Wan never manipulated Luke... how so? Obi-Wan basically doesn't interact with Luke through the course of the show? He does spend a lot of time with Leia, lying to her face and refusing to tell her the truth, but he has no real interactions with Luke?

His interactions with Leia are actually interesting in contrast with his interactions with Luke in the OT. He is more open about the fact that he isn't telling Leia the truth, and it is made clear why he isn't/can't tell her.

None of that is true in the OT - he makes no effort to say "Luke, it is complex, but I can't tell you". He just lies.

That is because - IMO - the Kenobi show is less a story with narrative purpose and more an exercise in fan service because people love Ewan Macgregor and Obi-Wan. That is fine, but an entire show basically dedicated to rehabilitating Obi-Wan and make his fans happy is of very limited value.

However, it then begs the question of (if we are to accept the Kenobi series betrayal) why was he relatively more open with Leia than Luke?

The answer - as far as I can tell - is because he wasn't trying to manipulate Leia, he wasn't trying to train her up and launch her on a suicide mission, he didn't need her angry and focused on killing Vader.

He DOES talk to Owen to try and convince Owen that it is time for Luke to be trained - so if anything the show confirms that from very early on Obi-Wan was angling for Luke to become a Jedi (and we later find out that the whole point of Luke's training, from Obi-Wan and Yoda's perspective, was confronting Vader).

I will grant that the series doesn't show Obi-Wan explicitly manipulating Luke but only because he barely interacts with him. It certainly doesn't rule the manipulation out. It also shows us that Obi-Wan wanted Luke trained up to be a warrior to launch at Vader from when Luke was a child.

Over all Obi didn't technically at all lie to Luke sure he left out a few details but how else would he have to say that "oh btw your father is alive but is working with the enemy of the galaxy and the girl who is calling for help is your long lost twin and your mother was a ruler a politician and by extent you and your sister is royalty" to a child who thought he didn't have any relatives left in the galaxy

It's a lot to sink in

[james-stark-the-writer]

just finished Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, and it is a game written by cowards for cowards.

the final twist genuinely ruins the game. it's so stupid as a narrative decision. i hate it so much. it almost makes me understand what the people yelling about The Last Jedi being too subservient to its themes were yelling about (OBVIOUSLY not the ones that were being bigoted and loud and wrong about it, but just the ones who had actual issues with its narrative directions/execution). genuinely, the twist takes what could have been an extremely solid 8.5, maybe a 9/10 game down to a 4/10 game with nothing of interest to say deluding itself into thinking it's saying anything of worth by thoughtlessly repeating patterns as if that's supposed to generate meaning without any real effort of actually committing to that meaning, or seeing the world as anything beyond its basic binary worldview of Good and Bad.

putting that twist in fundamentally cuts the legs out from any actual, interesting and substantive critique it could have leveled at the legal system and our feelings about people on trial and their perceived guilt or innocence, and it just ends up reinforcing it as a power of good that Will Ultimately Prevail In The Search For Truth, as if that is even remotely a thing any legal system is concerned with, especially the one in the game that mostly just stumbles into The Right Choices because it's a game controlled by the player. it's frankly ideologically incoherent to the point of saying nothing because its critique is unfocused and toothless. best it can muster is "maybe some people are corrupt and lying, but if You take Advantage of The System, you can beat them" as if malicious compliance is supposed to change the system. fuck off.

ran out of tags but. i'm serious about this lol, i really hate it as a narrative and ideological choice. the game threatens to say something bold and interesting and then just pulls the rug out from underneath you. it sucks. it's very much like 12 Angry Men in that way, i think, except at least that movie Knows what it's saying and that its basic premise is its ideological downfall, this just doesn't really feel like it says anything much interesting or coherent, ultimately, because the criticism either drowns in the length and comedic nature of it, or just ultimately isn't focused and pointed and nuanced enough to actually say something meaningful. like ik someone's gonna do a "kid's game" thing but hello, kid's shit has always been nuanced and just bc it's "for kids" doesn't mean it has to abide by some binary ass morality that flattens all its interesting critique, especially when you're constantly led, structurally, to the more interesting and nuanced narrative choice only to have a twist completely ruin it and making it all feel like a waste of your time. plenty of things are nuanced and interesting and "for kids" without deflating their themes and messages by writing a stupid twist that undercuts the interesting parts of its arguments.

[fantasmadelaciudad]

i will be honest though. i do not like erika ishii's character.

[ms-demeanor]

Do you have thoughts about the changes to Firefox's Terms of Use and Privacy Notice? A lot of people seem to be freaking out ("This is like when google removed 'Don't be evil!'"), but it seems to me like just another case of people getting confused by legalese.

Yeah you got it in one.

I've been trying not to get too fighty about it so thank you for giving me the excuse to talk about it neutrally and not while arguing with someone.

Firefox sits in such an awful place when it comes to how people who understand technology at varying levels interact with it.

On one very extreme end you've got people who are pissed that Firefox won't let you install known malicious extensions because that's too controlling of the user experience; these are also the people who tend to say that firefox might as well be spyware because they are paid by google to have google as the default search engine for the browser.

In the middle you've got a bunch of people who know a little bit about technology - enough to know that they should be suspicious of it - but who are only passingly familiar with stuff like "internet protocols" and "security certificates" and "legal liability" who see every change that isn't explicitly about data anonymization as a threat that needs to be killed with fire. These are the people who tend not to know that you can change the data collection settings in Firefox.

And on the other extreme you've got people who are pretty sure that firefox is a witch and that you're going to get a virus if you download a browser that isn't chrome so they won't touch Firefox with a ten foot pole.

And it's just kind of exhausting. It reminds me of when you've got people who get more mad at queer creators for inelegantly supporting a cause than they are at blatant homophobes. Like, yeah, you focus on the people whose minds you can change, and Firefox is certainly more responsive to user feedback than Chrome, but also getting you to legally agree that you won't sue Firefox for temporarily storing a photo you're uploading isn't a sign that Firefox sold out and is collecting all your data to feed to whichever LLM is currently supposed to be pouring the most bottles of water into landfills before pissing in the plastic bottle and putting the plastic bottle full of urine in the landfill.

The post I keep seeing (and it's not one post, i've seen this in youtube comment sections and on discord and on tumblr) is:

Well-meaning person who has gotten the wrong end of the stick: This is it, go switch to sanguinetapir now, firefox has gone to the dark side and is selling your data. [Link to *an internet comment section* and/or redditor reactions as evidence of wrongdoing].

Response: I think you may be misreading the statements here, there's been an update about this and everything.

Well-meaning (and deeply annoying) person who has gotten the wrong end of the stick: If you'd read the link you'd see that actually no I didn't misinterpret this, as evidenced by the dozens of commenters on this other site who are misinterpreting the ToU the same way that I am, but more snarkily.

Bud.

Anyway the consensus from the actual security nerds is "jesus fucking christ we carry GPS locators in our pockets all goddamned day and there are cameras everywhere and there is a long-lasting global push to erode the right to encrypt your data and facebook is creating tracking accounts for people who don't even have a facebook and they are giving data about abortion travel to the goddamned police state" and they could not be reached for comment about whether Firefox is bad now, actually, because they collect anonymized data about the people who use pocket.

My response is that there is a simple fix for all of this and it is to walk into the sea.

(I am not worried about the updated firefox ToU, I personally have a fair amount of data collection enabled on my browser because I do actually want crash reports to go to firefox when my browser crashes; however i'm not actually all that worried about firefox collecting, like, ad data on me because I haven't seen an ad in ten years and if one popped up on my browser i'd smash my screen with a stand mixer - I don't care about location data either because turning on location on your devices is for suckers but also *the way the internet works means unless you're using a traffic anonymizer at all times your browser/isp/websites you connect to/vpn/what fucking ever know where you are because of the IP address that they *have* to be able to see to deliver the internet to you and that is, generally speaking, logged as a matter of course by the systems that interact with it*)

Anyway if you're worried about firefox collecting your data you should ABSOLUTELY NOT BE ON DISCORD OR YOUTUBE and if you are on either of those things you should 100% be using them in a browser instead of an app and i don't particularly care if that browser is firefox or tonsilferret but it should be one with an extension that allows you to choose what data gets shared with the sites it interacts with.

[prlssprfctn]

Jason, who is constantly making death jokes, and gets back a "dgaf" kind of answers from his siblings. Which he is... used to. Firstly, because it is what siblings supposed to do, be mean to each other, and secondly, because... they are not wrong. His death didn't mean anything. No one cared much about him dying. Yes, they were bothered that he died - a kid, a son and a brother, had died. Everyone mourns dead kids, he wasn't special. Right?

So, he is fine with whatever he gets from his brothers. He often laughs back, even his laughter sounds far too strained to his ears. But, honestly, whatever! It is fine!

Until once, it isn't.

Maybe it is just a bad day. Or maybe his death anniversary is getting closer, and he gets more anxious. Nonetheless, he makes another joke - something about warehouses and crowbars; so, nothing new - and gets a usual funny-snappy reply back, something along the lines And no one cared. And he just huffs, his smile turning to a scowl, and before he can take it back, he shrugs.

'I know.'

Suddenly, it is too quiet in the room. And suddenly everyone is staring - confused, hurt, slightly surprised, even. Jason tries to laugh it off, to make them stop looking at him with so much pity, but his forced laughter sounds too much like a certain clown's in his insane, tired mind, and he ends up murmuring a haste farewell, before practically running away from the cave.

He thinks someone tries to call him back, but he ignores it.

The defeating silence and the looks of pity haunt him in his dreams for the rest of the night.

[ohnoitstbskyen]

Ok so I’ve had this question for a while and I feel like you’ll be able to give me a good answer. I understand that we’re absolutely not supposed to support anything JKR does monetarily and I never intend to do so. However is engaging with Harry Potter media *at all* also something I should not do or is it only things that give her money?

Like, would there be anything wrong with me playing Hogwarts Legacy if I pirated it? Is fanfiction and fan art ok to consume? Or is engaging with the IP at all going to be harmful in a way that I don’t see atm?

Thank you for your time!

I don't really think a cis person is the right person to ask about this, but I also know that trans people are sick to death of having to field these questions so I'll do my best to answer this, if everyone who reads my answer will promise me that you will NOT use anything I say in this post as an annoying argument against a trans person who has a different opinion on the matter. Remember whose opinions are actually important here.

And look, number one, you can do whatever the fuck you want. Nobody can stop you. If you, in yourself, in your soul, feel morally comfortable consuming Harry Potter by some convoluted method of Ethical Consumption™, then go and do that, and own it, and have the strength to be judged for your decisions.

Trans people might not trust you - hell, I'll probably not trust you either. They might get angry at you, and criticize you, or roll their eyes and call you a fucking loser. If you have the moral conviction that what you are doing is right, and that you are acting in accordance with your beliefs and you are not doing harm, then stand by that conviction and face the consequences. Have that strength of character.

But if you feel the need to go around posting and arguing that it's unfair, that you shouldn't be judged, that you should get to be a special exception and people are unreasonable when they get mad at you... then that is evidence, proof positive, that you are a fucking loser. That you are cowardly, and you don't actually believe that what you are doing is right, you just want the world to affirm your fragile ego while you enjoy your little treats.

To be clear, I am not accusing you of doing this (you seem to just earnestly be asking for guidance), but there's a hell of a lot of people who do do this, and you don't want to be one of them.

So that's number one. Do whatever the fuck you want, and face the consequences with a spine.

Number two is... just fucking drop it. That is my earnest advice to you. Just fucking drop Harry Potter. They are children's books from the early 2000s, they just are not that fucking good or important. The Hogwarts Legacy game is live service slop; the movies are passable at best and their quality comes from the actors being better than the source material. Just drop it. Harry Potter has nothing to offer that you can't get elsewhere from better media with better authors, or problematic authors who have good grace to at least be dead.

Don't waste your life thinking about complicated ways to circumvent the moral problem of JK Rowling's rancid transphobic hate-aura at the center of the franchise, don't waste your finite time on Earth trying to thread that stupid needle. Harry Potter isn't worth this. Rowling is old, and shriveling from hate and mold fumes, at the very least just wait for her to fucking die, and for her political project to fail, before you pick that world back up again.

I speak as someone who read the first book at age 11, hyperfixated on relating to Harry, and whose entire cultural life was consumed by the franchise for over a decade. It is not worth it. You don't need it, you don't need the stress of trying to navigate how or whether to engage with it ethically. You almost certainly have an enormous backlog of other books, games, movies and TV shows you've been meaning to get around to, so just go do that instead. I promise you it will be infinitely more rewarding, and infinitely less compromised by stress and guilt and cognitive dissonance.

And while you're at it, send some money to a trans charity and go scream invectives at a transphobic politician some time.

[ms-spkhd]

It's not like there's anything inherently wrong with Steve. Just...weird. Odd. A wealth of other various synonyms to describe his decidedly bizarre behavior.

Well, Bizarre's a strong word.

But Eddie's point still stands! Steve's a little to the left and it makes Eddie feel endlessly awkward for noticing. The fact that he's uncomfortable about it compounds his unease over it.

"Wanna talk about it, then?" Jeff asks, riffling idly through the record crate. Of course, the one day off they spend window-shopping in Indianapolis results in Eddie getting the fucking 'let's discuss our feelings about things' talk from Jeff. He wonders how the man isn't green with sickness from therapizing all the goddamn time.

Eddie rolls his eyes. "I'd look like an idiot."

"Would the idiot keep running or confront his problems head-on?"

"This feels like a trap."

"Oh yeah," Jeff says simply.

"Like the ones with the cardboard box and the stick."

"Pre-cisely."

Eddie's shoulders slump in defeat. Better the idiot who speaks, he supposes. "He's very smiley about me being gay."

"Smiley."

"Smiley. As in he's acting like I vomit flowers and shit rainbows." Eddie shakes his head in frustration. "I'm not opposed to the support and everything...it's just that. He's like an octave higher than usual about it."

Jeff purses his lips in thought. "Like, his voice?"

"No--like...like, he's very enthusiastic about my sexuality."

Eddie leans back against the shelf behind him. Steve's a nice guy, really, but the way he goes about his support of Eddie feels like he's trying to compensate for something. A lack of empathy when he was younger, perhaps.

"He always asks if I have a boyfriend, or if I've been hooking up with any guys lately--which, hello, does he not know that queer metalhead nerd isn't a very hot item here?"

Jeff pulls a face but nods in understanding.

"And when I tell him obviously no, he says he can hook me up with his, what? Fucking father's brother's cousin's former roommate? It's like he's begging for a double date with him and his new squeeze, it's goddamn ridiculous." "New squeeze?"

"I'm hyperbolizing." Eddie blows a raspberry and shrugs. "He says it's sad that I don't have someone for how good-looking I am. You're making the face again."'

Jeff snaps out of whatever trance he's in, his drawn eyebrows shooting up to his hairline in surprise. After his gawking mouth clacks shut, he cautiously gestures at Eddie to continue.

"It's stupid," Eddie concedes, "but I really don't understand what changed, y'know? He used to be this cool, confident guy with a dorky side, but now he's just so...I don't know."

Jeff smiles lightly and knocks Eddie's shoulder with his. "I have a theory."

"Go on."

"I think Steve isn't being supportive."

"Uh-huh."

"Far from it, actually."

"Yeah. Whatever you say, chief."

"He isn't smothering you," Jeff points out. "He wants to fuck you."

Eddie blinks. Takes a moment to access and really take in what Jeff just said. "What?"

"Or at least, he wants you in an entirely non-friendly and possibly even carnal way."

"Excuse me?"

"Biblically."

"Dude," Eddie insists. "What. The. Fuck."

Jeff raises his hands placatingly. "Steve clearly likes you. A lot. He probably sees you being gay as an in for him."

"Okay, well, I don't understand. He tries to set me up with randos he knows all the time."

"He called you good-looking."

"While he was trying to set me up with said rando!"

"Guys like him have a really backward way of doing things." Eddie crosses his arms sternly. "Or he's straight," he says.

"Again," Jeff asserts. "Good. Looking. Dude, he's fucking obsessed with you! You said he's an octave higher around you now, right?"

"Because he's a well-meaning friend?"

"Eddie, remember when he crashed band practice last week?"

Oh yeah, Eddie remembers that. The man of the hour randomly parked in Gareth's driveway, leaned against his Beemer with his arms crossed, and watched Eddie play like he fucking hung the moon. Afterward, he'd sung his praises for the band and gave Eddie a yellow guitar pick attached to a sparkling silver chain. "Found the pick a couple of towns south with Robin the other day. Reminded me of you," he said softly. "Since you lost your last one."

It went unspoken where Eddie lost 'the last one'.

Eddie remembers smiling back at Steve with the force of a thousand supernovas, and thinking later in the night that it felt like a scene from a romance movie. Steve's favorite color is yellow, isn't it? It was like he wanted a piece of himself with Eddie at all times, right next to his heart.

Eddie didn't want to give himself that stupid hope. That Steve Harrington wanted in on his heart.

It doesn't feel so stupid anymore.

He looks back at Jeff and says, "Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

Part two