#CAN THEY JUST LET ME FUCKING BREATHE
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ever since 911 moved to abc i feel like i've been having a nonstop cardiac event
#CAN THEY JUST LET ME FUCKING BREATHE#like i am thankful. i am so thankful. BUT AT WHAT COST#MY HEALTH? MY SANITY?#911#yelling
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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The urge to kidnap her & rape her in the woods. Chained against a tree & split open on my cock. The screams in pain drowning out all the pathetic cries for help. Carving our initials inside of a heart on, “our” tree afterwards so everyone knows what a sweet couple we are. 🔪🌹
#Mine. When you cry a name#it will be mine! No one else's...MINE!#Every breath you take is mine I’ll kill anyone that touches you. stalked my prey so long and now I finally caught you#now I you just want to look you are so fucking pretty I whispered#You are so beautiful when scared you can’t escape me lil miuse I will find you You better get ready for me to ravage your body. For me to#to explore every square inch#inside and out#of you#to fill you up and hold you down#and not let you go until I am done with you - until you are completely fucking mine.#Growls I can smell you you was made for me you was born to be mine nothing#not even you#will stop me from owning what is rightfully mine."You're meant to be mine#and pretty soon you'll admit it to yoursel#once I get my hands on you I'm going to fucking ruin you. You'll never look at another man again once you feel my cock You can fight it a#but you’ll learn your place by the end of the night. Now run.”#Lil mouse run trow the woods I’m going to fucking ruin you you will ruined for all other men#cnc brat#desperate slvt#cnc daddy#daddy's good girl#bd/sm daddy#edging and denial#edging kink#cnc knife play#brat taming#bratty#bimbo training#bimbo doll#bimboification
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been extra miserable about them this past week
#WHYYYYYY WHY CANT THEY BE HAPPY#mxtx can we talk....lets discuss mxtx listen to me#and its just . banging my head into a wall their whole thing is they never be happy in any life . ever again#because they Die . and thats it poof out of the reincarnation cycle#FUCK YOUUUUU BFLF RUINING MY LIFE#canon im beating you with a stick like a feral animal#ill be sitting minding my own business and my brain will go dream on like shut the fuck upppppppp#bawling my eyes out rn#this is so awful i hate u bflf i hope youre both miserable#no i dont sorry please be happy#ok . ok deep breaths#art tag#tgcf#shi qingxuan#he xuan#beefleaf
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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im just gonna be honest gang obviously its gonna be easy for you to say youre in love with a character and theyre an angel when anytime they do something you don't like you brush it off as out of character
#bad writing is still canon unfortunately#the place where i absolutely draw the line is gallavich being verse don't fucking piss me off @shameless writers#unfortunately your fav characters did do and say those bad things..... and to ignore that is too fundamentally misunderstand their character#how can you love a person when you choose to be blind to who they are </3#this isn't directed toward anybody y'all are just being very dramatic lately and really i think we should remember that tv shows aren't real#i can recognize when someone is caused by bad writing but i still have to accept that it's a real thing that happened#like. do i find shameless entertaining? YES! is it well written? FUCK NO#it's actually fundamentally a bad show in many ways. but that's WHY i enjoy discussing it#it's why my hyperfixation hasn't died down. because theres just SO MUCH to pick apart and interpret and discuss!#it's actually so bad at times i blocked it out of my memory!#but if i believe something isn't canon or *shouldn't be canon* (HUGE difference between those 2 things)#then i should explain why i think that. and i also need to accept that others disagree#but if you say everything you don't like is just ooc bad writing and therefore not real to canon then#....lol what are you even doing here#like. we should be rallying against the writers for being actively racist homophobic transphobic fatphobic ableist etc#yet we're sitting here with our thumbs up our asses fighting about which character fanclub is the most oppressed#WHO CARESSSSS JOHN WELLS DOESN'T CARE ABOUT US IT TRULY ISN'T WORTH WASTING YOUR BREATH OVER#i just want to read about 2 toxic kinky boys kissing idk#let me say this tho! hardcore fiona stans you gotta be the most out of touch people on planet earth!#okay goodnight everypony#wall of text in the tags#a.txt
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HP Rants: Things Fandom Gets WRONG
The Dark Mark (tattoo)
where oh where is the reading comprehension??? did y’all really not read any of GoF??? not only does the minister of fucking magic not know about the Dark Mark tattoos, as snape has to explain and show it to him (which just ????? astounding incompetence from the ministry of goddamn magic and the wizarding world at large) but sirius literally says in response to the kiddos telling him that Karkaroff showed snape something on his arm, “'He showed Snape something on his arm?' said Sirius, looking frankly bewildered...'Well, I’ve no idea what that’s about." despite the fact that he KNOWS for a fact karkaroff was a death eater. (and his own goddamn brother was a death eater. And his family was super pro-voldemort).
The whole fucking point is that no one knew.
Otherwise it would have been obvious who was and who wasn’t death eaters, or at least, inner-circle death eaters. Sirius would not have gone to Azkaban. The Malfoys and literally every other free death eater would have.. but this didn’t happen because the wizarding world is complete shit at handling things and disseminating EXTREMELY IMPORTANT information.. that’s the whole fucking point.
#every time i see a fic say that regulus “took the mark”#or that sirius' parents wanted to make him “get the mark”#i want to scream in rage#and i immediately close the fic no questions asked#and then have to take at least 5 minutes of deep breaths to calm myself down and remind myself people are allowed to be wrong#i can be mature and let them be wrong#i am a mature adult and can let them be wrong#i don't need to start a fight because i am a mature adult and i can just let them be wrong it won't kill me#but seriously#why the FUCK is everyone so fucking wrong#ALL THE FUCKING TIME#WHERE or where is the fucking reading comprehension????#salty hp rant#hp rant#hp meta#harry potter#sirius black#dark mark#salty hp takes#marauders#harry potter meta#i hate being the only correct person in this fandom#lmfao#god please help there is no reading comprehension in this fandom#it is so diseased and sick#marauders fandom#literally the fucking worst
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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Asshole Things Ambrose Has Said/Done #8: Describe Cyrus' relationship with Malistaire as "odd" then sends a child, essentially a stranger to Cyrus, with no business with being involved in their family issues, to extract information out of Cyrus on how to kill his brother (a grieving man)
#ambrose: can you go manipulate a man who's had to see his brother suffer insanity and grief and loss into telling us how to kill him? for me#hey ambrose i have an idea. why dont YOU go do that.#why dont YOU interrogate cyrus. the man that you distrust incorrectly. by the way. on how to hunt down and kill his brother. hm.#hey ambrose why dont YOU figure out malistaire's weaknesses#no lets not comfort the man grieving the loss of his sister in law and his brother. naw.#also using a stranger to be impartial to your feelings and loss is so dirty????? ☹️#if i was dealing with severe family issues and worrying for my lived ones 24/7-#and someone whom ive never met bursts into my house. sent by another person. tried to ask me how to kill my loved one#cyrus was an asshole dont get me wrong but yknow. he had a good reason to be one#like malistaire is my least favorite villain but still. he went through so much. and cyrus too#and ambrose HAD THE GALL.#'hey lets not support the guy who works for mw and instead secretly susoect him of Crimes because of his brother'#ambrose sent us not to go comfort cyrus. but to EXTRACT INFORMATION FROM HIM#SHUT UP SHUT UP JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.#breathes. anyways hi :)#i refuse to shut up about the wizard being a kid by the way. sorry!#wizard101#wiz101#w101#text posts
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why should it just be steve who has all the torturous purgatory realm fun?
#dbd#myart#wip#quick clarification for those only familiar with the american version of ringu: sadako is 19.#anyway. I love that dbd lets me explore steve and nancy's characters outside the bullshit that the show is.#because the whole steve and nancy dynamic is Interesting. but the dustbags are plagued by cerebral hetrot so that story never GOES anywhere#it's just the “Waaaah love triangle OMG!!! will they? won't they?” crap. idk man. idc. why're these dumbasses breathing in Upside down air?#some people here have seen lucy before-- he is the ghostface pictured. and he's an OC. different person entirely from danny.#I won't explain his full lore here but-- he was a drag queen before the fog who started out by only killing those who he felt deserved it.#his entire persona satirises catholicism and he calls himself “the holy ghost” rather than ghostface. the entity made him an actual devil.#he's obsessed with steve because he LIVES his own role so he sees steve as his heroic opposite or some fucked up gay shit like that.#he's clutching kate's heart because if he were a real character in the game-- he'd have two moris.#one standard... and one for if a steve is present in the lobby. the second would involve him carving out the heart of a survivor as a gift.#he never harms steve though-- so it makes steve's penchant for self-sacrifice pointless.#steve instead has to do what he can to open the gates as fast as possible-- or watch everyone else die! :)#as for the toxic yuri-- it occurred to me that sadako's backstory bears some striking similarities to barb's story.#as soon as I realised this-- it was like I had suddenly gained the ability to see a new colour I could not see before.#sadako wanting to torment nancy as sick revenge for what happened to her but using barb's death as justification for this...#...nancy being unable to escape the ghost of barb... even in this hell dimension full of terrifying monsters--#it is still the memory of the girl she feels she “let” die in steve's pool that scares and hurts her the most.#not to mention that sadako's powers are reminiscent of how the upside down related fuckery appears...#the screwy technology. the telekinesis.#I just REALLY love seeing characters be forced to confront difficult parts of themselves even if that shit REALLY hurts.#dbd makes it so easy to do that to any given character. of course this goes both ways too-- it'd force lucy & sadako to change too.#which opens the door for torment on their end too because killers who disobey the entity are tortured into obeying.#a rock and a hard place on both ends. and that is Exactly how I like it. intense. complicated-- a puzzle to be solved.
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Real talk if you reblog shit about israel and gaza, and honestly any sort of situation where REAL LIVES are impacted and give it a cute little tag like “ ___ discourse” thats just like, absolutely disgusting and shameful. It’s like some internet debate game for you. Open a window and get some fresh air. Look at yourself in the fucking mirror. you arent helping people by tagging triggering content. If you really care you’d use normal fucking tags. Just say it like it is: What you’re really doing is creating a little shelf of posts that make you feel morally superior and justified by collecting “gotchas” over people you disagree with. A box of clout that makes you feel better about your tiny existence by having “the right opinions”. You don’t care about the people that its actually affecting. No fucking compassion or sympathy for those who are actively suffering while you argue semantics and make bad faith claims on your stupid fucking device like it’s made up bullshit on Netflix. No further introspection or questioning of values or morality.
You should probably have a little more tact and at least pretend like you dont view this shit as the same as fandom or shipping discourse. If you’re doing this i hope you know that if i knew your face, i’d spit on it.
#the doctor is in#cw israel#pls let me know of better tags to use#palestine#free gaza#cw genocide#honestly if you see anyone reduce real world issues to ‘discourse’ you should not engage with them.#im not kidding i would stop being friends with someone for that type of shit#posting because i just saw someone trying to ‘debate’ + spreading misinfo and being pompous and passive aggressive on a post abt palestine#while at the same time reblogging disgusting zionist posts ridiculing palestinians and tagging it as ___ discourse like… what the fuck#but honestly this even applies to many people that claim to support palestinians but pull this shit in the same breath as well as taking#any moment they can to squeeze in antisemitsm#like… at LEAST make a new tag jesus christ but dont reduce this shit to DISCOURSE.
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My new hobby is skimming through seasons of Ninj//ago to induce a fever dream like state in my psychese
#I've always had kinda like....petty beef with ninj//ago just cause like. EVERYONE compares it to monkie kid#When they r just not comparable beyond the surface level observation that its legos#Like ninj//ago contributes to the idea of an Asian monolith and uh. It's annoying to me.#It's also so thematically empty and they just reset shit whenever and it barely has characters. It's not good#Which makes me feel crazy when lmk is SO good. Like so so so good#Let it be known I've seen all that's out of drag//on rising#the first 3 seasons of the og show. And I skimmed through possession seabound and both crystal king parts#Gotta say. Sea Nya slaps like what the hell#Ninj//ago isn't good but that was legitimately like. Awesome#So there are officially 1 and a half episodes that I find thematically banging#I'm always a sucker for there being no good choice but still having to choose. Like I am. What decision can you live with#But Nya losing herself to the Sea? Losing her own breath and inhaling the sea to remove the water out of Jay's lungs?#The fact that she only became the water ninja because her friends needed her which eventually pushed her into this fate#Making it so she couldn't remember who she was or what her loved ones meant to her?#Her convo with nyad was like#duuddeeeeeeeeeee. brooooooo#Like she became eternal and endless. A force of nature but there was still a small part of her that remembered what ''good'' is#The part of her that would save a sailor who had gone overboard even if it went against the natural course of the ocean#Because there is no right or wrong there. Except in the small drop of Nya that was left#Like what the FUCK that's CRAZYYY BRO#Like she literally had to pull herself out of herself (the sea) to keep ''Nya'' together like. oh my god. How the cookie crumbles I guess#ninjago critical#anyways I've been losing my mind about Sea Nya and how nothing else in ninja//go is like it I needed to get it off my chest#sea nya
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🐇💭
#so yeah i messaged my old friend A a month ago#then we talked a little and i managed to reply with no more than one day inbetween#but then i just go so fkn avoidant in general and didnt reply for two weeks FUCK#i replied now but idk...#this has been a reason in the past why he has ghosted me :(((#so i can just hope he replied again...#but i also was a little crazy and took a deep breath#and asked him if he want to hang out someday lol#im scared and idk it feels anxious af bc i havent seen him in years and years and i dont know how to talk to him anymore#but yeah i figured that even if he doesnt reply now and doesnt wanna meet up#at least i have done whgat i wanted which is to ask him and let him know i would like to meet up#im so anxious abt it tho omggggggg#god i hope he replies... i hope he says yes..bc even if its scary i wanna see him again#even if its just once and we're like oh..#it doesnt work anymore.. at least ive gotten to see him one last time#so yeah im scared but i so badly hope he replies#but i hate myself for being so fkn stupid and useless like why couldnt u#couldnt *i just have replied earlier ffs
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Yesssssss guess who just learned how to swap usb cords between mice tonight? That's right mate, we are unstoppable now. So you go ahead and discontinue the best mouse ever fucking made, Logitech, that's fine; I'm just going to ship-of-theseus my babies forever and you can't stop me.
#oh my gods it is so amazing having a mouse that doesn't disconnect every time i breathe#i don't think i let myself realize quite HOW much of a problem it had become#(because i did not DID NOT want to have to find a new different type of mouse to use after TWENTY FUCKING YEARS thanks)#(and if i just pretended that it was fine then IT WAS FINE AND I COULD JUST KEEP USING MY DYING MICE LA LA LA)#but! now it is FIXED and it WORKS and i am UNSTOPPABLE#my fingers are very sore (sewing tools are not made for opening usb connector pins but they will work in a pinch!) but i don't care#BECAUSE MY MOUSE IS FUCKING WORKING AGAIN HELL YEAH#i can wiggle all around or get up and make tea or pee or what-the-fuck-ever and not have to worry that when i come back my mouse won't work#BECAUSE IT IS JUST FUCKING WORKING HAHAHA THIS IS GREAT#gonna do the other mouse tomorrow i think HECK YEAH#computers#technology#logitech trackman marble#mice#me#TRIUMPH#(i might be a LITTLE BIT excited shhhhh)
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So apparently totk isn’t getting a dlc here’s some botw->totk things that make me go mmmmh
#Ok the last one is just me coping with the fact that they got rid of elemental weapons and arrows for the fuse mechanic#they could have just gave you more power if you matched the elements correctly or some fucked up things if you don't#also this is just some of the things that make me go mmmh#like I could have added that in botw everyone was like wow link it's like you can slow down time and then they gave zelda time powers#or durians#like c'mon man#link#zelda#riju#yunobo#botw#breath of the wild#totk#tears of the kingdom#this has been in the drafts for a good while#i just found out they don’t let gorons in gerudo town anymore#i hate it here#and when you talk to robbie his sick ass guitar rift isn't there anymore :(#my friend told me this one apparently riju doesn't talk in gerudo tounge not once??#I'm not going to check that shit again#really hope the no dlc isn't true cause this game's story is fucking ass#all the more reason to not take this game as canon#also they straight up just got rid of Kass#totk critical#totk salt#snix talks
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they should . invent a bra that holds your fat tits but doesn't make it hurt your back to breath . btw . imo .
#just blahs#im suffering out here#every time i take a deep breath i can feel it in my upper back and it hurts so fucking bad#let me out of here#get these odf of me#i hate it here
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