#Call you Hela because you apparently can’t read

[missorgana]

would everything be different today?

characters/pairings: thor and loki, loki/mobius

fandom: marvel cinematic universe

rating: general

word count: 3913

warning: canon character death

summary: Prior to Loki's arrest, Thor attempts to save them and is arrested by the TVA himself. And sure, he doesn't understand much of this institution, but he's pretty sure this Mobius has taken a liking to his younger sibling. (pre-canon, thor pov)

(still obsessing over loki, who’s surprised? no one! half of this fic was written at 2am when i was Not sober, my beloved Cat / @howgodforgives read it for me tho because they’re perfect!! 💖 this is an au... supposed to happen pre-canon... inspired by this post and this post, i love them too much and simply mashed the 2 concepts together so ya. enjoy ??)

read on ao3

Thor thought he could just do one thing. And when Steve revealed his plan about utilizing their time traveling device, just one last time, the offer his friend came with for him to go back was something he had to.

He had a chance to save Loki.

Now, he knows this is far from thought out, far from logical, and Thor never told Steve when he himself was traveling to. They trusted each other, Avengers and all.

Thor knows he could save their mother, too, if he wanted, but perhaps grief was clouding his vision because he’s simply lost too many, and he’ll be damned if he’d let Loki slip away from him after everything they’ve been through.

They were making progress… weren’t they?

It surely couldn’t be another one of his tricks, and although Thor has been naive in the past, he simply can’t lose her. Not now. Not yet.

And so he goes back for them, and he gets there, he’s on the ship, Heimdall and Loki and Valkyrie and Korg and  Thanos  , and Thor’s never been prone to irrational anger, he  tries , but everything happening all over again in such an overwhelming way nearly has sparks jumping from eyes and fingertips.

Thor is so close. And then he isn’t.

He can’t comprehend what happens, but he’s out of time, out of place, and he’s in what resembles most those office buildings he’s seen so many of Midgard. Being crammed in an elevator with these strange people gave him eerie flashbacks to Sakaar, until he’s finally greeted by a significantly short human, brown suit, silver hair and moustache and a lop-sided grin.

Naturally, Thor smiles back in the midst of his confusion, it’s only good manners, you hear.

“Ah!” the man exclaims, patting his elbow with the other hand guiding him forward, “The god of thunder himself! Mighty pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

He nods, following, unsure still what’s going on. But Thor’s made too many enemies of a human lifetime, a long time ago, and he wouldn’t want to get on these humans’ bad side, even though they technically kidnapped him… peculiar.

If Loki was here, they’d probably have their knife ready at lightning speed. Classic Loki.

“Well, thank you! I wish I could say the same, but I’m not sure… where I am,” Thor answers. This really does look like an office, one the Midgardians had a decade or so, probably, before they updated themselves. Modernization, that’s what it’s called, silly humans.

“Fair is fair,” the grey haired human turns to him, “Welcome to the Time Variance Authority, TVA for short! I think I speak for everyone here when I say we’re excited to have you here.”

The man chuckles, and Thor doesn’t know if it’s to himself or directed towards him, until the human shrugs. There’s still two of those persons with weaponry and strange glowing devices on either side of them, and it seems his new acquaintance realises the need for explanation.

“Well, technically, you’re not staying as much as… you’re under arrest,” he then says, smile turning hesitant and scratching his cheek.

Arrest?!  

That’s certainly a surprise, given human laws don’t really apply to his own kind. Of course, Avenging has different rules and such… but alas.

It seems his new friend notices his eyes widen, significantly, “But don’t worry, buddy! You’re a special case, of course.”

Thor stammers, he always feels a certain embarrassment over himself when this happens, “May I- may I ask for what offense? I don’t mean to offend, these quarters are quite splendid, but Midgard and Asgard operate different-”

“Oh no,” the man interrupts, keeping a quick pace, “I’m afraid this isn’t Midgard, big guy. The TVA, we, well, control all of time!”

The guards escorting them, they must be guards, stop at the same time Thor stops in pure shock. His father never mentioned anything like this. Is this part of the nine realms? He wonders who these people are, if not human. They surely cannot be gods?

“You control… time?”

“Exactamundo! The sacred timeline, to be precise. Let me show you,” his new acquaintance guides him further with that, until they reach a strangely void room, a single table, pair of chairs and some sort of machine the only things in sight. One of those Midgardian ‘computers’?

And when he’s seated (the chair isn’t quite built for a god of his stature, but he shouldn’t complain, politeness is key, of course), this strange man shows him what appears to be a video. A video of… his life. Thor’s life, that is.

This is absurd. “How do you know this? What-”

“We know everything, buddy,” the man tells him, shuts down the device, grin sheepish, “It’s in the job description, you see?”

Thor doesn’t know what to think, rather, his mind feels somehow numb.

He was just with Loki, she was there, within his grasp, then… this. Thor also doesn’t know how long he sits staring at his acquaintance in confusion until another thought dawns upon him, “Do you have Steve Rogers, too?”

The grin lessens, mouth forming a small o, but the man nods once, “Ah, yes, another department. You two sure know how to cause trouble, huh?”

So he gets an answer, but it leaves him none the wiser, or clearer headed, or understanding. It rather feels like those sort of outlandish dreams children have, like he had when he was younger.

But what can he do? Just face this head-on?

Thor wonders if Heimdall can see him right now. Not… his Heimdall, another Heimdall, who might be alive. A Loki who might be alive, if he can save them.

“May I ask one more question of you, uh…”

“Mobius M. Mobius, at your service.”

“Ah,” he replies, and hesitantly smiles back at the grin he receives, “Then why am I here? This  department , I mean?”

The stranger, Mobius, chuckles. It’s short handed and with the professionalism of those Midgardian businessmen with replicated suits and briefcases and phones chiming them down. Is this Mobius even human? More Asgardian?

“We’re in need of assistance, you might say,” he finally answers, and turns to power up the machinery once more, “And I, for one, have a feeling you might be invaluable for the cause.”

*

Although Thor is not sure he yet understands everything in this strange world he’s now come into, this new friend, Mobius, is very educational, and while the thought of being arrested wasn’t all too pleasing, apparently, they wished for him to work for them, instead.

His offence, that’s yet another thing he still doesn’t understand. Thor wasn’t aware of this, uh, this  Sacred Timeline , as they call it. Surely a god of his status should’ve been told, shouldn’t he?

He comes to wonder if their father ever knew about this.

Thor is fairly sure about one thing, that Odin wouldn’t possibly have told them, had he had that knowledge. And what about Hela?

But he quickly learns not to think about this too much, and he counts about three Asgardian weeks in the TVA, although he has no idea how time works  here , at all. Mobius always says it’s too complicated to explain, maybe he thinks Thor wouldn’t understand.

Loki always said he was as dumb as a doornail. But she never meant it out of spite, he reasons, surely, they’ve always had that sense of humor between the two of them. He loves Loki very much, even when she lets him down. He only hopes his younger sibling feels the same.

Speaking of Loki, that is another thing Thor learns in this weird world- uh, city? Country? Timeline? The TVA is its own thing entirely.

But what he learns, much like his whole life, is that his destiny will forever and always be tied to Loki, and Loki’s to his. Because his new friends at the TVA hired him to find, and catch, his younger sibling and bring them in for a similar crime to his own.

Although he’s also  killing people in the process, Mobius explains much to Thor’s horror, and he’ll have to make sure Loki’s not hurt when he finds him, and ask him why this bloodshed is necessary. Again.

Of course, there must be a good reason as to why she’s doing it, he had a good reason to mess with the timeline himself, he must say, and Loki is incredibly clever, his younger sibling’s grand scheme must be extraordinary. He just wishes she wouldn’t hurt other people in the process, they’ve been over this, but she was getting better!

As Mobius put it, “You know them better than anyone, pal, I’ve got a hunch you’re the only one who can find out where they’re hiding. Well, besides themselves.”

Yes, Thor was not certain this was a good idea.

He traveled back in time to  save his younger sibling, not cause him even more pain. But Mobius seems somewhat trustworthy, and very polite. He assured him justice would be served fairly, and even a lesser punishment considering the help he himself provides!

Sometimes, Thor has to follow his gut. Loki always hated this trait of his.

This work proves tricky, and tedious, and of course, his sibling is sneaky and manages to escape the TVA time and time again, and if they would just bring Thor with them, surely, he could talk to her. Not apprehend her, but  communicate . Not everyone here trusts him as much as Mobius, though, regrettably.

What is curious about his new friend, and Thor’s spent a few nights now racking his brain about this, is that some of the questions he’s posed about Loki are quite specific.

They must be important for the case, he figures.

Just a week ago, hunched over files and files of timeline lingo and alternate futures that Thor has several conflicting emotions about reading, the grey haired man looked up from his scribbles and met his eye.

“Say, Thor,” he started, scratching his chin and twirling the pen in his hand, “Loki ever tell ya what they fancy for dinner?”

And the god had to blink, shuffling the papers. Did he hear it correctly?

“Dinner?”

“I mean, humans, they have favorite foods, you know? Like, preferences,” he chuckled, “I only assume Asgardians are similar?”

Thor smiles as he does when in situations where he doesn’t understand what’s going on, but simple curiousity never hurt anyone. This person’s strange, stranger than the Avengers, but he loved them all the same. “Of course. Loki’s very fond of goat. Herring, too, and our mother’s apple pie.”

Mobius nodded with a grin, and spoke no more of the subject, until two days later (Thor  thinks  it was two days, as mentioned before, time here confuses him profusely), where his friend inquired him about his younger sibling’s eye color.

They’re blue, clearly.

More muted than Thor’s own, but never grey, although some of these files have wrongly informed otherwise.

Really, this interest Mobius reveals in his younger sibling doesn’t faze him at first, but he’s thinking about it more and more often, as it turns out. And today, when the suited man asks him if Loki might be interested in water sports, it only sends Thor further into the obyss of confusion.

Firstly, he’s not sure what these water sports entail. Second, although he doesn’t doubt Mobius is a reasonable man, what does this have to do with arresting Loki?

“Forgive me,” Thor replies, “What are, uh… water sports?”

“Oh, yes! Sorry, big guy. Ya know, jetskis are quite fun for humans and otherwise. Diving, too. You think Loki would like that sort of thing?”

The god finds himself worrying his lip with little answer to the peculiar question. “Perhaps. They love adventures, you see, that’s a thing we have in common. You think Loki’s hiding somewhere, with, uh… jetskis?”

The grey haired man shrugs. Quite strange.

Then his friend continues as they walk along the hall, past several hunters and seemingly high security offices, “She must like jokes, right?”

“Oh, of course.”

Mobius laughs, “I figured,” and his smile isn’t aimed at Thor, but somewhere into the open air, distant and unexplainably fond, “God of Mischief, pranks in his blood. I’m not too bad myself.”

“Huh?”

When the shorter man opens the door for him, he shrugs again, “Sorry, buddy, this way. I mean, they’re incredibly witty. Don’t need to tell you that, I get it. I heard this joke from a Variant, I think they might like that one. You know it? So once there was-”

And so Mobius continues on, the joke must be brilliant, he’s already wheezing to himself, but now, the god’s pretty sure he understands.

Oh.

Oh.

Thor’s not as stupid as Loki claims, you see. And he has to say, he knows courtship when he sees it.

*

Does Thor understand why his younger sibling- or, a version of her, regardless, is hiding out in historic  apocalypses ? No, there’s not much logic in this, but it’s certainly in no way surprising.

Loki’s got a knack for adventures and danger simultaneously, after all.

But when he realises what Loki’s doing, he simply has to go, even if his moustached friend isn’t sure how to clear it with the TVA, or if it’s breaking the rules, but isn’t this what they assigned the god to do in the first place?

This is his younger sibling. Loki’s alive. And Thor, well, like he’s done all his life, and like Loki’s done all their life, one must always follow the other, at one point or the other. It’s fate, he decides.

And he finds him,  finally , after what feels as hundreds of millions of human years and even longer of their own, in the human city of Pompeii.

Loki isn’t exactly pleased to hear the TVA coming, that much is obvious from his face, but Thor is alone, and it’s only a matter of time before Mobius arrives, so Thor must find a chance to talk to his sibling alone.

And his sibling’s face changes from the expectant grin of a plan to kill the minutemen when they arrive to a gaping mouth in shock. Then realisation. Then frustration.

“Loki!”

And the god of mischief groans, exasperated and loud, the screams of the civilians barely fazing them, “Thor.”

It’s a matter of time, then, because they don’t  have much time before they’ll be sunken into the ground they’re standing on, and like Thor first started out his adventure in the Sacred Timeline, his first thought is to get Loki out of there.

It’s his first priority, to keep her safe. There’ll be no death. Not today. Not again.

His younger sibling has their eyes on the volcano as well, their many differences being so in sync at the strangest of times, and before Thor can even think about it, Loki reaches for his arm and they’re teleported somewhere- and some… when? else entirely.

It’s eerily quiet here, a distant rumble from the sky. Rocks as far as he can see. Darkness, besides bolts of lightning striking into the ocean before them, and blinking lights distantly behind them.

And here Loki is; a Variant like himself, as Mobius called it. Breathing.

“Why is it,” she nearly yells, clutching the strange device in her hand and giving Thor that familiar glare of destruction, “You always find a way, somehow,  anywhere, to ruin my perfect plan, brother? How? How are you here, you damn fool!?”

The insult is as it always is, and Loki looks like his blood might nearly boil over, but Thor just can’t help it. 

He feels the tears in his eyes before they even fall. “Loki.”

“What-”

It’s only a small handful of times in all the centuries they’ve lived that he’s managed to stun his sibling into silence, a loss of words. This is another incident to add to the list.

Thor grips on so tight, he never wants to let go.

He can’t remember the last time they hugged, actually. It might’ve been when they were children.

Loki pats on his back, after a minute or two, and a breath of annoyance and… something else sounds at the same time as his own staggering breathing. His sibling’s never returned his hugs, you see, but she’s doing it now. At least, Thor surely wouldn’t mistake her holding onto him, albeit not as tightly as himself.

They sigh, “What has gotten into you now, you idiot?”

Thor laughs. It’s strained, but it feels  good. That one, that’s a thing he’s missed. Loki will surely think he’s lost his mind, but there’s nothing he’d rather do right now than listen to him call him the crudest things they could think of.

It feels like coming back home.

“You’re alive,” Thor whispers.

Loki huffs. “You’ve fallen for my fake death, huh? You fall for it every time.”

He shakes his head in response, knowing his sibling won’t be able to see it, but ultimately lets go, and just looks at them. He smiles. Weirdly, hesitantly, confusedly, Loki smiles back.

“You’re an idiot,” she tells him again, but it’s softer this time.

“Where have you taken us?” Thor asks instead, and the answer is for once a place he knows of, “This is Midgard, brother, but way after the humans. In about an hour, it’ll be nothing but dust.”

That’s a frightening thought, he decides. He’s already seen Asgard in ruins.

And Thor has to take him somewhere safer, before Mobius arrives. They can’t go back to the TVA without some explanation, Loki deserves that.

His sibling seems severely surprised when he uses his own device, and a protest begins, of course, but Thor finds the right time, in Asgard, and jumps them both to it. Before their mother’s death. They’ll have to steer clear of the past versions of themselves, and their parents, and anyone else, considering Loki was imprisoned, but they’ll be safe.

And easy to spot.

“Now is not a time for a homecoming, Thor,” she tells him, already pulling up the device.

“Loki, no,” he reaches out, and Loki reaches for their knife, classic Loki, “Give me time to explain, before they come.”

He rolls his eyes but doesn’t raise the knife, “You’re not taking me to the TVA, brother.”

Thor blinks. He almost wants to rewind time on that little screen in his hand, to make sure he heard them right, but stranger things have happened. “You know about the TVA?”

“Of course I do, you buffoon. Who do you think I’m running from?”

He bites his tongue. Oh.

Thor has to shrug. Loki sighs again.

“I know, I know, they’ll arrest me for crimes against the  Sacred Timeline  ,” they say, in an overly dramatic voice and throwing around their hands in flourish, “I can’t believe they got you to help them. I can’t believe  you found me.”

It feels quite like the good, old days, as Stark used to say. “I know you, Loki, even if you don’t think I do.”

They both settle into silence, and this is also strange, but the smile he gets in return, less confused and more nostalgic and… safe, it makes it worth it.

Then, the device in Thor’s hand beeps, and he lets his sibling look at it, and he looks all the more annoyed again.

“Guess I’ll have to surrender now, because of you,” she grumbles, for once, not searching for an escape route, “Who’s leading, anyway? B-15?”

Thor pats his shoulder, in what he hopes conveys comfort. “I’m not familiar, unfortunately. This leader is named Mobius.”

His sibling frowns, but shrugs non committedly, “A new face, then.”

It’s not very often Thor sees Loki in this state, confusion, if ever. His younger sibling’s always been one step ahead of them, two, even, himself struggling to keep up. That’s why he’s always had to watch out for them, before… before the Avengers.

“He seems very interested in you,” he chuckles, and when Loki only frowns deeper, he has to explain his ongoing suspicion, “He’s asked me a great many questions about you. I believe he admires you very much. Even more than myself.”

“So he’s a fan,” Loki says - ignoring the last statement of his, of course, but Thor knows she heard it.

“I’d say more than a fan,” he decides to be honest, and Loki’s brows furrow. Thor pats his sibling’s shoulder once more, “He holds, it seems, similar feelings to when I was courting Lady Jane.”

Loki looks like a giant question mark. “I beg your pardon?”

But they’re interrupted, as per usual. The answer Thor wants out doesn’t get out before Mobius steps out of the time portal, and grins at them both. He seems to hold his gaze at his sibling a little bit longer. His demeanor’s calm, as if… recognition. Coming back home.

And Loki stares back at their brother, eyes wide and brows raised, tilting her head, “This is the Mobius who wants to… court me?”

Thor nods. Loki’s mouth turns upwards to a grin, mischief absent from his face. And even if they’ll deny it if Thor mentions it, his younger sibling’s eyes hold a certain warmth when they look back at the stranger. “I see.”

*

Many great strange things have happened in what seems a short amount of time, but Thor’s put out of work at the TVA, and his sibling’s put to work instead, and Mobius tells him they’ll  reset  him.

“Don’t worry, big guy, it doesn’t hurt,” he chuckles, adjusting his tie, “Your friend Steve had the same deal. Wouldn’t call it punishment, but it’s subjective. You did good work, ya know.”

Loki’s sat at Mobius’ now abandoned desk, one hand on a stack of case files, her eyes meeting with Thor’s own. They’re used to goodbyes, as you can tell. And emotions aren’t exactly their strongest suit.

But his sibling nods to him. The smile has no hints of sarcasm, so he counts it as a win. As progress.

Thor doesn’t know if he can stop worrying, after all. He’ll always do it, and what if he, another version of himself, tries to go back in time again?

Loki’s the only family he has left. But at the same time, his younger sibling is right. 

The sun will shine on us again. In another timeline, another universe, he figures. For now, Thor will have to let go, but they’ll always be connected after all. Thor and Loki couldn't be more different, but somehow the same.

“She’ll be safe here?” he asks, because he  has to, “You’re certain?”

Mobius smiles, like he’s heard it a million times before, “I promised you. I keep my promises, Thor.”

Of course. Of course. It’ll be fine. He’ll be fine.

“You ready?” his suited friend then asks, and he hesitantly nods.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

The man nods back, and the device in his hand lights up. The seconds seem excruciatingly long, but he’s got to get back, get moving, even without his younger sibling beside him. It’s a comforting thought, knowing there’s many more of them out there, in other timelines, following each other over and over again, as they’re meant to.

“Thank you, by the way,” Mobius then says, strangely enough, as the beams become stronger and the seconds count down. He winks before holding it out to Thor, a gesture for the reset to be complete, “For bringing them back to me.”

[sj-thefan]

The Tragedy of Y/n of Asgard

Masterlist

Can be read as a sequel to The Tragedy of Loki of Asgard, but it isn’t necessary.

Warnings: Angst, major character death, fighting, pregnancy

Y/n carried her sleepy toddler in her arms as she made her way to his room. With Loki off retrieving Odin with Thor, she was in charge. They shouldn’t have been gone long, but after waiting for over half an hour, Bromm had started to yawn. It was time for his nap, so she left the Bifrost and Skurge to be watched by Volstagg and Fandral, knowing Loki would return to her as soon as he got back.

Her mind drifted to the thought of having another child running around. She could picture that life now; the quiet halls filled with children’s laughter, toys thrown all over the palace, and her husband, finally his true self. She felt the child in her belly was a sign of good things to come.

If only she could know how wrong she was.

As she reached Bromm’s bedroom, she heard the sound of boots running on the stone floor. She turned to see Hogun running towards her. Bromm perked up at the sight of his honorary uncle.

The warrior stopped in front of her and gave a brief bow. “My lady, there’s trouble at the Bifrost.”

Y/n knew she didn’t have much time to think. She placed Bromm on the ground and looked into his eyes. “Sweetheart, I need you to go to your room. I’ll send Ingrid, but I need you to stay there. Mummy has something she needs to take care of.”

With a nod of his head, Bromm went to his room. Y/n turned to Hogun. “What’s happening?”

The couple marched through the hall while Hogun explained a woman had shown up and killed Volstagg, Fandral, and maybe even Skurge. They didn’t know exactly what had happened.

Y/n instructed him to take the men that were currently available to stop the stranger at the bridge and to send word to the remaining soldiers to go to the castle in full armour. She would lead those men to the bridge once they had assembled.

Hogun ran off while Y/n entered the chamber so she could get ready.

As she strapped on her sword, she felt a presence in the room. She gripped her sword and swiftly turned around, ready to take out the intruder.

Heimdall blocked the swing with his arm.

“Heimdall?” Y/n exclaimed. The man cocked his eyebrow, and Y/n sheathed her sword with a quick apology. “What are you doing here?”

“I see all, my lady.” Y/n smiled at him before returning to getting ready. “We must leave.”

Y/n stood up straight. “I can’t leave. We’re under attack. Until Thor, Loki, and Odin return, it is my duty to—”

“Do you know who is at the gates?” Y/n shook her head, returning to strap on her boots. “Hela, goddess of death.”

Y/n paused. “It doesn’t matter who is attacking. The people of Asgard deserve to be protected by their leaders.”

“She will not hesitate to kill anyone.”

Y/n thought for a second. She couldn’t abandon the people, even if that meant she would die. “Take Bromm,” she suggested to Heimdall. “Take my son and however many people you can get out. Keep them safe, and don’t return for me until everyone is safe.”

Heimdall nodded and started towards the door.

“Heimdall,” Y/n called, halting his steps. “Are they okay?”

He had seen Hela come through the Bifrost and how she pushed her brothers out. The princes of Asgard were thrown out and tossed to the place of lost things. They were okay. But Odin hadn’t been as lucky. It was his death that set Hela free, and he would not see the consequences that followed. Heimdall knew Y/n was asking after her family, so he told her anything she might need to know about what had happened. Then he left the room.

Y/n knew she would have to act fast. Her mind was racing with the overload of information she had been given. Odin was dead. Thor and Loki were lost somewhere across space. Hela, the goddess of death, was here to take control and wage war against the realms. Hela had killed two of Y/n’s best friends and had threatened to kill any who opposed her. Y/n’s life was in as much danger as her people, maybe even more so due to her royal status.

It was a price she was willing to pay, though.

She felt a tear run down her face as she left the room and marched to the throne room where she would meet her soldiers. It wasn’t fair. She had been nervous, happy, fearful, and ecstatic all in the span of a few hours due to the life in her belly, but now—now she was terrified, hopeless, and scared beyond her wildest dreams at the thought of her child. It wasn’t fair that today had to be filled with such madness and that to protect her people, she might lose her child. It wasn’t fair, but it had to be done.

As she joined her soldiers, a loud bang was heard just outside the grand doors. Y/n knew that Hela had reached the gates. She held her head tall, took a deep breath, and ordered her warriors to be ready. She unsheathed her sword and waited for the door to open.

Y/n stood on shaky legs. All around her, the soldiers lay bloody and unmoving. She looked to the woman responsible for this death. “Why?” she spat at the woman. “What did you hope to accomplish?”

Hela turned to face Y/n. She had seen her when she entered; she was the only one wearing something other than the standard Asgardian armour. Her eyes scanned the girl, coming to a stop at the gold circlet atop her head. Hela smirked. “Let me guess,” she drawled. “You married one of my idiotic brothers, thinking life would be tea parties and silk dresses, but now—” she gestured to the chaos around them, “—it’s a dangerous job.”

Y/n scoffed. Her life had never been easy. She and Loki had fought for everything they achieved.

“I bet everyone loves you.” Hela looked back to Skurge to see if her assumption was correct, and he gave a nod of his head. “That could be useful.”

Y/n yelled as she raised her blade and charged at Hela.

Hela stepped to the side, sliding Y/n out of the way with a blade of her own.

Y/n stumbled but quickly regained her balance. She thrust her sword with all her might. It connected, making its way through Hela’s stomach.

Hela laughed, and Y/n stepped back in shock. “You’re pretty good,” Hela took the blade out of her stomach, “but I don’t have time for this.”

Y/n watched in terror as Hela approached her, aiming the hilt of the sword at her face.

Everything went dark.

Loki stood at the door, entering the code he had stolen and memorized, while Thor stood beside him.

“Hey, so, listen,” Thor said. “We should talk.”

Loki looked up. He knew what was coming. He had dreaded this conversation since he first saw Thor in the Grandmaster’s place. “I disagree,” he blatantly stated while returning to his work. “Open communication,” the door opened, “was never our family’s forte.”

The brothers picked up their weapons, heading towards the guards in front of the elevator. “Oh, you have no idea,” Thor said. “Been quite the revelation since we last spoke.”

They both loaded their weapons and aimed, sending an ironic greeting towards the guards before opening fire.

As the guards start shooting back, Thor and Loki hid behind a wall. They shared a look as they heard the sounds of the guards reloading. Revealing themselves, the brothers start shooting their opponents again.

Eventually, they made it to the other side of the room, where Loki began entering the second code. As soon as the door opened, a guard came out, pointing his gun at Loki. Thor, sensing the guard was about to fire, pushed the gun down. As the shot went off, the guard flew up into the air from the force, and the boys happily walked into the elevator.

Loki couldn’t take the tension hanging in the air anymore, so he spoke. “I don’t think I can go back.”

“Asgard needs us. You left it defenceless when you took father to Earth. We need to protect our people.”

“You think so little of me?” Thor gave Loki a look of confusion. “I don’t want to go back because I can’t see their lifeless bodies. I can’t be in a place where we were happy and pretend things will be okay.” Loki breathed a sigh of relief. He had finally said it out loud. His wife was dead; there was no way Hela would keep her alive. She was a threat to the thrown. And so was Bromm, for that matter. Hela had probably killed them both.

“There’s still a chance—”

“—And if they’re dead, what then, Thor? I won’t—I can’t do it. I’m better off staying on Sakaar.”

Thor glanced down. “If there was even a slim chance that I could save mother, or father, or any of our friends,” Thor looked back to see Loki watching him, “I would take it.”

The elevator was silent for a few moments.

“What if—”

Thor put a hand on Loki’s shoulder. “Then I’ll be here. They’re my family too; I won’t abandon you or them.”

Loki smirked. “You’re a sap.”

Thor began laughing. “Never one for sentiment, were you?” Loki chuckled at him. “Hey,” Thor interrupted. “Let’s do ‘Get Help’!”

“What?” Loki questioned, wondering what brought this change of conversation.

“’ Get Help.’”

“No.”

“Come on, you love it.”

“I hate it.”

“It’s great. It works every time.”

“It’s humiliating.”

“Do you have a better plan?”

“No.”

“We’re doing it.”

“We are not doing ‘Get Help.’”

Less than a minute later, the elevator doors opened, and the brothers came out, performing the ‘Get Help’ act.

Thor carried Loki draped over his shoulder. “Get help!” he shouted to the guards. “Please! My brother, he’s dying!” Loki remained still as Thor began picking him up with both hands. “Get help! Help him!” Thor threw Loki at the guards, knocking them all out. He chuckled to himself. “Classic.”

“Still hate it.” Loki stood up. “It’s humiliating.”

“Not for me, it’s not. And it’s very effective.” Thor glanced back to the guards but spotted one of them getting up and running to sound the alarm.

“Apparently, not effective enough.”

The guard hit the alarm. Minutes later guards filtered into the room.

Loki turned to his brother. “Thor, you have to go. If they have a chance, it’s getting smaller with every second that passes. I’ll hold them off. You,” he gestured to the yellow ship behind them, “take the Commodore, and save my family.”

“I won’t leave you; we can take them.”

“It will take too long, Thor. Go!”

Reluctantly, Thor ran to the ship. He knew Loki wouldn’t change his mind, and the guards that started spilling through the doors hadn’t stopped. He just hoped Loki would follow on the other ship.

When the skeleton soldiers came for her, Y/n was afraid. Most of her armour had been stripped from her, along with her sword. She was powerless against them, and she had no idea what they wanted.

As they marched her through the castle, she pleaded with them. “Please,” she begged. “I am part of the royal family. As soldiers of Asgard, you serve me.” There was no response. “I have a child; he needs me.” Again, nothing. “Please, I’m with child. Please.” Still, there was no reaction.

When she realized she was being taken outside, she seized her crying and replaced her terror with a mask of bravery. She was still terrified, but if she showed a brave face to her people, they might feel calmer.

The soldiers led her to a courtyard filled with many Asgardians. On the steps to the castle stood Hela with her monstrous dog and Skurge. The soldiers threw her down.

Y/n tumbled down the steps, only to be met with more soldiers who dragged her to her feet. She glared at Skurge, the man she had trusted to guard the entrance to their world.

Skurge glanced at Hela before starting his address to the people. “Asgardians,” he yelled, “some misguided soul has stolen the Bifrost sword. Tell us where it is, or there will be consequences.” He stole another glance at Hela. “Bad ones.”

The people were silent, glancing between each other to see if someone would break.

“Well?”

Hela stepped forward when again no one responded to her executioner. “Bring her forward.”

The skeleton soldiers dragged Y/n forward and pushed her to her knees again, making sure her head and neck were exposed. Some of the people in the crowd cried out at the sight of their princess in danger. They knew she had fought to protect them and that she hadn’t run to the mountain because she wouldn’t abandon them, but the soldier held them back.

Hela gestured for Skurge to do his job. He stood beside Y/n, hesitant in raising his axe.

“You’re a coward,” Y/n spat.

“Well?” Hela drawled. “Executioner?”

Skurge lifted his axe. It was about to come down when someone in the crowd shouted.

“Wait!” The crowd parted, revealing the man who had spoken. “Wait. I know where the sword is.”

Y/n yelled and screamed while the man told Hela everything. She wasn’t angry at the man, not even disappointed; he had done what he could to save a life. Yet Y/n was afraid, more than she had been earlier. If Hela found Heimdall, she could discover Bromm. His life was in danger now.

Hela sent her back to the dungeons, the skeletons carrying her thrashing body.

Y/n calmed herself when they got inside. She knew that to get free, she would need to think it through, and the best way to do that was with a calm mind. As she stopped squirming, the soldiers’ grasp on her lightened—no longer needing to be as tight. Y/n scanned her surroundings, making a note of everything that might help her. There were only two guards with her; the rest were either travelling with Hela to get the people in hiding or with Skurge, prepping for war. Y/n felt her muscles tighten as she clenched her fist. That’s when she noticed it. The soldiers’ grip had loosened enough for her to move.

With quick movements, Y/n elbowed one soldier before swinging her body around and tripping the other.

She grabbed a sword from one of the suits of armour lining the hall. It wasn’t sharp, nor was it meant for actual use, but it was the best weapon she could find on short notice. With a few swipes of the heavy sword, one of the soldiers crumbled. The other grabbed her from behind, causing the blade to fall from her hands. Throwing her weight forward, she flung him over her back and onto the ground in front of her. She quickly grabbed the other skeleton’s sword and decapitated the soldier still moving.

Y/n glanced between the two unmoving soldiers, ensuring they were really dead. When she was sure, she headed to the weaponry to stock up before joining the fight.

As she ran out the door, she was shocked to find her brother-in-law heading in the opposite direction. She quickly grabbed him in a hug. “You’re alright. Oh, thank Odin, you’re alright.”

“I’m fine, Y/n.” He pulled back, scanning his sister. She was pretty bruised with several cuts all over, but she was standing and clutching her sword. She was okay. “You’re okay?” Y/n responded with a nod. “Where’s Bromm?”

“I sent him with Heimdall. Hela is headed to the right now. I have to go—”

“No, Y/n,” Thor soothed with a hand to her shoulder. “They’re headed to the Bifrost. I have some friends who will help you, but you should go too. I’m going to distract Hela.”

“Is Loki…” Y/n trailed off as she looked towards the Bifrost.

Thor shook his head. “I’m sorry, Y/n. He stayed behind, so I could get out. He sacrificed himself for you and Bromm. He said I had a better chance of saving you than him.”

Y/n choked back a sob. This wasn’t the time. Her son and her people needed her. “Okay,” she took a deep breath, “I’ll see you soon.”

They both took off in opposite directions.

Heimdall reached the bridge at the same time as Y/n.

“Heimdall, thank Odin,” Y/n breathed out. “Where’s Bromm?”

“Mommy?” his little voice rang out.

Y/n quickly fell to her knees as her son ran into her arms. “My baby, you’re okay.” Heimdall led the group around the mother and son and further down the bridge; they didn’t have time to waste. Y/n pulled back and checked over her child. He had no scrapes or bruises, no injuries that she could see. “This mess is almost over, sweetheart.” She stood up, keeping her hand locked with his, and moved with the crowd.

When the crowd stopped moving, Y/n knelt down to her son again. “Stay in the middle here; I’ll find you when it’s safe, but mommy has to go help Heimdall keep everyone safe.” Bromm nodded as his mother walked to the front of the group.

Y/n brandished her sword as she saw what had caused the group to stop. Hela’s giant dog was charging at the group.

Heimdall held his sword up, ready to fight.

Suddenly, a man fell from the spaceship that had been shooting at the dog. He crashed to the bridge, a crumpled heap.

The dog paused for a moment to sniff the body before he resumed his charge.

Y/n and Heimdall readied their stance, but just before the dog reached them, it was pulled backwards.

It was thrown back by a giant, green man.

Y/n was sure he was the Hulk. Thor had told stories of a scientist who could turn into a strong monster that had joined him in the fight on Midgard. On the other side, Loki claimed the Hulk was a savage giant with no respect. Whoever he was, she was impressed. He and the dog soon disappeared from view as they tumbled off the bridge’s side and into the water below. Y/n would have been worried if not for the hoards of Hela’s skeletal army that were rushing at them.

Y/n and Heimdall fought with everything they had, but there were too many of them.

Heimdall was slashed in his thigh, bringing him to his knees. With one swipe of his heavy sword, he took out three men, but another pushed him over.

Y/n rushed to help him but was stopped by another soldier. A loud blast startled her, and she jumped, narrowly missing the swing of his blade. She thrust her sword through his stomach, and he collapsed to the ground.

She turned, seeing a Kronan helping Heimdall to his feet. Beside him was a creature she couldn’t quite name but looked to be supported by a metal skeleton with knives for hands.

A loud noise called everyone’s attention. Through the fog, a spaceship appeared, and standing in front, with his arms raised, was Loki.

“Your saviour is here,” he called to the crowd. The ship was parked, with a ramp leading to the bridge. Loki climbed off. “Did you miss me?” he asked. His eyes scanned the crowd, and Y/n could tell he was looking for her and Bromm. Masking his fear, he directed everyone to climb the ship.

Y/n sheathed her sword and ran to her husband. “Loki!” she called, and he turned to her. She had never been so happy in her entire life. She launched herself into his waiting arms and breathed in the scent of her husband. She felt safe and comfortable in his arms, but she knew the time to celebrate was later. She pulled away.

Loki, not yet ready to let go, pulled her back. He cupped her face and kissed her like it was the first time. The rest of the world faded away as they got lost in each other.

It was only when Loki felt his leg be embraced that he was pulled back to reality. He looked down to see Bromm, hugging his leg. He bent down and picked up his son, hugging him close to his chest. “My boy and my wife,” he sighed happily, caressing Y/n’s cheek and bringing her closer. “I was so scared I had lost you.”

“We’re okay,” Y/n reassured.

The sound of fighting soon found its way back into their blissful minds, and they were pulled back to reality.

The adults shared a look of fear.

“Bromm, my love,” Y/n cooed, caressing his small face, “I need you to go on the ship and stay safe. Mommy and daddy will join you in a bit.”

“Y/n, you need to go on the ship, too.” Loki’s expression was stern, but so was Y/n’s.

“I’ve come this far; I am not going to sit back and relax until everyone is safe.” Loki knew she could not be argued with, but his eyes flicked to her belly. “We’re okay, Loki,” Y/n reassured, with a hand to her stomach. “The worst is over, but we’re not finished.”

Loki nodded with a huff. He set Bromm down, who joined up with his friends and made his way onto the ship. He gave one last look at his parents before he disappeared inside the giant vessel.

Y/n and Loki joined Heimdall and the rest of the new soldiers as they began fighting.

A bright lightning bolt filled the sky, and Thor jumped from the castle to the bridge, knocking down soldiers with his lightning blasts.

It didn’t take long for Thor to reach his brother.

Y/n was fighting one of the skeleton soldiers. As her sword thrust into its chest, she let out a breath of relief. She could see the brothers reuniting, and it filled her heart with warmth.

She didn’t even feel it at first.

All she knew was that she couldn’t breathe.

She looked down to see the sword protruding from her stomach.

The world went silent as the pain flooded her senses. She could see Loki running towards her, and she felt when he caught her, but she couldn’t hear his pleas. She didn’t hear him begging her to stay awake. Nor did she hear the whispered, ‘I love you’s.

As she started to fade, she could see his face. She smiled at him, raising a hand to his cheek. “I love you,” she whispered. She had no idea if he heard her or not, but seeing his smile, even though it was filled with sadness, was the perfect view as she drifted into darkness.

[hydr0phius]

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans

Here's the generator I'm using :D

Part 1: The Odinspawn

Frigg: I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them. .........................................

Cop: You ran a red light. Loki: So did you, hypocrite. Cop: I was following you. Loki: That was dumb, I'm a terrible driver. Cop: Get out. .........................................

Loki: Am I a boy? Am I a girl? It doesn't matter. I'm going to burn your house down. .........................................

Loki: *gets set on fire and screams in agony* Loki: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me. .........................................

Hela: What doesn't kill me better start running, because now I'm fucking pissed. .........................................

Hela: I don't dab. I stab. .........................................

Hela: I'm allergic to death. .........................................

Odin: You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. Odin: That's why I own TEN guns. Odin: Just in case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder. .........................................

Thor: So according to the cease and desist order I got, apparently you can’t ‘legally’ be a lawyer if your license is ‘cut out of a cereal box’. .........................................

Loki: Are you really planning to shoot the demon? Thor: Don't worry, it's a holy gun. Loki: How so? Thor: It makes holes. .........................................

Thor: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism. Loki: And you came to me? .........................................

Loki: Hela, what are you doing? Hela: Making chocolate pudding. Loki: It's four in the morning, why are you making chocolate pudding? Hela: Because I've lost control of my life. Hela: Here's your pudding, Thor. Thor: Oh that's okay, I'm not hungry anymore. .........................................

Frigg to Odin: Me? I'm the bee knees, but, you? You're just... Hela: Cockroach ankles! Frigg: Ye- uh, what? ......................................... Frigg: We've got to find a way to cut down our expenses. What can we live without? Hela: Odin, probably. ......................................... Loki: Frigg taught me to think before I act. Loki: ...So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision. ......................................... Frigg: What's gone wrong, Thor? Thor: Hey! That’s one hell of a thing to say to a person. Just because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis. Frigg: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling? Thor: Well... There’s a crisis. .........................................

Hela: Hey, do you know the password to Odin’s computer? Loki: Fuck you, Hela. Hela: Hey!! Loki: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouHela". Hela: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

Odin, texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like? Thor: *Sends a picture of of a syringe with an apple slice shoddily edited inside* Hela: *Sends a picture of a shot glass with an Apple poorly drawn inside* Loki: *Sends picture of person dunking a Basketball into the hoop but replaced the basketball with a poorly resized apple* Odin: I hate all of you. .........................................

Loki: Fight me! Hela, standing behind them and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not. ......................................... Thor: Hey besties- Hela: Die. Thor: What did I do to you- .........................................

Thor: Hey, you want a tarot reading? Hela: Those are Pokemon cards. Thor: You got a magikarp. Hela: ... Thor: It means 'fuck you'.

[hela-avenger]

poison & wine- part 19

Author: hela-avenger

Word Count: 1940

Summary: Prince Loki of Asgard is in need of a date to take back home. That’s where you come in with a task of your own to make the whole trip with an insufferable prince worth it. Too bad that things don’t always go as planned and you end up giving more than you can take. Fake-Dating AU.

A/N: So the last update brought the angst and this one makes up for it! Thanks for reading and commenting everyone! Please send me a message if you’ll like to be tagged! 

poison & wine masterlist

After a few minutes, Loki was forced to let you go. You had yet to stop crying and he didn’t know what he was meant to do if this continued on. He couldn’t take you back to the palace in this state but he couldn’t stay on the bridge any longer and risk someone finding you like this too. 

“Mount my horse,” Loki instructs you as he leads you to the black stallion adorned in his colors. “You’re in no state to ride back on your own so you’ll ride with me.” 

“But…” you whisper as your stare turns to the horse you had brought along. 

“I’ll send someone to come pick him up,” Loki assures you. “Just get on my horse.” 

Loki watches as you climb onto his horse and settle into his saddle. When he’s convinced you won’t do anything brash, which he isn’t entirely convinced at the moment, Loki steps away.

“I’ll be back. Just wait for me.” 

You don’t argue when he turns away and leaves you behind. You simply watch as he makes his way into the dome. 

“Is the Lady Y/N alright?” Heimdall asks as the prince enters. 

“Yes, no thanks to you.”  

“I knew you would catch her, your majesty,” Heimdall remarks. “There was no need for me to intervene.”

Loki shakes his head at the guardian knowing that there was no point in arguing further. 

“What did you tell her, Heimdall?” Loki asks as he glared up at the All-Seer. 

“She wanted to know who her father is,” Heimdall answers. “I reminded her that my loyalty is to the king.”

“Don’t drag this out,” Loki snaps. “She’s deeply upset. What did you tell her?” 

Heimdall knows better than to reveal such a secret to the prince. You had come to the truth on your own and the prince would have to do the same.

“I gave her clues to lead her to an altogether different truth,” Heimdall states. “She was smart enough to find it.” 

Loki hated when Heimdall spoke in riddles but that was all the All-Seer was going to give him. The only way he would find out would be through you if you allowed him to know. 

He turns his back with the intent of heading back to you but Heimdall wasn’t done with him yet. 

“This game you’re playing with her at the moment,” Heimdall speaks. “I suggest you put an end to it.” 

“Is that a threat?” 

“No,” Heimdall answers as his stare shifts to watch something else entirely. “But it can be.” 

Loki scoffs and walks away. 

He held no fear towards the All-Seer and his attempts of intimidation but he couldn’t help but keep the warning in mind. There must be a reason for it and Loki had every intention in figuring it out. 

The ride was silent and slow. Neither of you were willing to be the first to speak and perhaps it all had to do with the distraction of the thoughts revolving in your mind. You had broken down and out of everyone, it was in front of Loki. You didn’t know how to manage that situation. In fact, you didn’t know how you were meant to manage any situation at all. 

You were in Asgard, a thousand light years away from your home on Earth, and you had found your answer. The answer being something you already knew. That you were on your own. 

“We’re here.” 

You frown when you realize that Loki had steered the horse out of the palace path into some unknown forest. 

“Where are we?” you ask as Loki leads the horse under the shade of a nearby tree. 

“We’re just outside of the city gates,” Loki answers as he dismounts from his horse. “There’s a small river nearby where Thor and I used to play. It’s relatively safe and out of the way that no one ever thinks of coming through here.” 

“But why?” 

“Your eyes are still red from crying,” Loki points out. “We can go back if you like but I believe you and I would prefer to avoid the royal court's attention on this matter.” 

Loki had a point and so you agree on the break. You dismount and the moment you’re off, Loki is quick to whisper something to the horse before sending him off. 

“He’ll be back when I call for him,” Loki tells you. “Just sent him out to get a drink.” 

You nod at his explanation and allow yourself to relax. You take a deep breath of fresh air and take a seat on the shaded grass. Loki follows suit leaning against the tree. 

“Are you going to tell me what you and Heimdall spoke of?” 

You let out a sigh knowing you had to. 

“I asked him about my father,” you answer as you wrap your arms around your knees to rest your head upon. “Heimdall couldn’t tell me much but the little he managed to give away … well, it was enough for me to come to a big conclusion.” 

“Which was?” 

“The reason why my father never came back for me and my mother is because he died before he was able to do so,” you can’t help the dark chuckle that escapes you. “My life is not at risk. I was safe all along apparently.”  

You’re met with silence which doesn’t surprise you. Loki stares out into the forest in front of you and lets out a sigh.

“I… I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be,” you tell him. “I found the answer I was looking for. All matters have been put to rest.”

“But…” 

“No, there’s no more buts, I just… I just want to move past this.” 

“Y/N.” 

You look over at Loki who’s watching you with that same concern he had when he caught you from falling to your death. 

“What?” you ask. 

“I am not the best at managing my emotions but even I know that you can’t simply move past this.” 

He was right but you didn’t want to admit that to him. You wanted to be numb and remain numb. 

“I don’t want to cry anymore,” you whisper. “I don’t…” 

“You don’t what?” Loki asks. 

You swallow not wanting to admit what you feared the most. 

“I don’t want to be alone anymore,” you whisper. “But I don’t… I don’t have anyone. There’s no one left.”

“You have friends down in Midgard,” Loki reminds you. “The Man of Iron and the Captain… the Witch and the Widow.” 

“I can’t call them my friends when all I do is push them away because I’m afraid of growing attached,” you answer. “You and I both know that I will outlive them all anyway and then I’ll be left on my own once again so what’s the point? My father was the only person I could rely on and it turns out he’s been dead all along.” 

“Y/N…” 

“People aren’t meant to be alone. We need a community. We need companionship,” you explain. “I thought I could go without but I have been on my own for two centuries and I can’t take it anymore. So what am I meant to do now? What is there left for me to do?” 

You lean against the tree in resignation trying to find your own answer to the questions you’ve been asking since you left Heimdall. 

“Your father, though he is dead, must have left you a legacy to follow through,” Loki tells you. “All we need to do is find it.” 

“Loki…” you sigh out unsure why he was so intent in dragging this out longer. 

“Just listen,” he interrupts you. “I looked through the travel records and found nothing.” 

“Ok?” you answer confused as to how that mattered. “Maybe someone forgot to write it down.” 

“We are precise here in Asgard. Such a thing wouldn’t happen,” Loki explains. “Which leaves a unique conclusion to explain it all.”

“That is…?” 

“Your father, whatever his role in court was, must have been very important and private for his travel records to Midgard to be sealed. Only Odin has access to those.” 

“But what kind of… That doesn’t make any sense,” you stammer out. “What could he be doing down on Earth that it had to be kept secret?” 

“I don’t know,” Loki answers. “If you no longer wish to find your father, I will let the matter rest but I believe you owe it to yourself to know.” 

You let out a sigh. 

Loki seemed genuinely invested in helping you now. It made you suspicious. 

“You’re not trying to convince me because you still need me to fake court you, are you?”  

“No,” Loki smiles. “I have a feeling you would regret missing the opportunity to find some real answers. You deserve to know the truth.” 

You knew he was right. If you went back to Earth empty-handed, you would regret it for the rest of your life. 

“Ok, I’m in,” you tell him. “You get me my answers and I’ll keep fake courting you.” 

“It’s a deal,” Loki agrees. “Are you ready to head back?” 

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you sigh out. 

Loki stands up and offers his hand for you to take so you do. He pulls you up and surprisingly doesn’t let your hand go. 

“I uh…” Loki hesitates for a moment before continuing. “I thought I should let you know that… that you’re not alone.”

“How so?” you ask him.

You couldn’t help the smile that fought its way to your lips. He was suddenly nervous that he couldn’t even meet your eyes anymore.

“You have me,” Loki answers. “I am an immortal with nothing but time in my hands. I can be there for you for as many years as you have left.”

You squeeze his hand in gratitude and he finally meets your stare. 

“I would like that,” you tell him. “Thank you.” 

Loki nods at your answer and lets go of your hand. He clears his throat and the simple gesture shifts him back to his usual princely self. He turns away from you and whistles causing his horse to trot back to you instantly. 

Loki grabs the reigns and motions for you to mount first. Once you’re settled, he climbs up and settles himself behind you.

“We should probably come up with a story as to why we left the palace to visit Heimdall,” you tell Loki as he pulls you back to the palace path. 

“Simple, you wanted to check in on your friends in Midgard,” Loki answers. “And if someone asks if you’ve been crying just tell them the truth.”

“My father’s dead?” you ask confused. 

“No,” Loki objects quickly. “I was referring to your bridge incident.”  

You can’t help but be shocked at the reminder.

“I can’t believe I almost fell off the Bifrost,” you mutter in realization. You look back at him with a laugh. “There should really be some kind of warning sign to prevent another accident like mine.”

“A warning sign?” Loki mocks. “It’s common sense to not get close to the ledge.”  

You can’t help but laugh and continue to pester him for a solution. 

“Ok then maybe set up some rails or a fence,” you offer. “Your first order of business when you become king is to put some rails up.” 

Loki shakes his head as you continue to ramble on possible solutions for him to consider. You look back at him in amusement and he can’t help but smile in response. The return of your happiness was contagious and he allowed himself the peaceful reprieve of it.

poison & wine tag: @damalseer​ @just-the-hiddles​ @jessiejunebug​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @smollest-soybean​ @assassinoftheworld​ @readerbandit​ @doyoufeelikeayounggod​ @strangemcuvlogs​ @ha-tep​ @i-dont-know-eiither​ @gene-king​ @day-dreaming-fox​ @bn-studies​ @is-it-madness​ @sigyn-njorddottir​ @devilbat​ @victor-criss-bish​ @skinny-macncheese​ @musicconversedance​ @baby-bunnyxn​ @fandoms-allovertheplace​ @marvelloonie​ @jinxjinxednova​ @queenmuahaha​ @accio-boys​​ @eternalqueensworld​​ @umlvk​​ @roger-the-reindeer​ @punkrockhufflefluff​

Loki Tag: @unicorniorosacomefrutillas​ @thesilentbluesparrow​ @oddly-drawn-muse​ @josiehosiedaninja​ @hp-hogwartsexpress​ @sadwaywardkid​ @wolf-lover74​ @sizzlingbarbarianglitter​​

All Works Tag: @jmb959​ @astudyoftimeywimeystuff​ @hellocookiecutter​ @steve-rogers-personal-hell​ @buckybarnesyard​ @not-zari-tak @strangersstranger

[grandthorkiday]

Mob AU “Playthings” Part 24

[Link to mob!au anon’s “Playthings" fic tag]

[Start at Part 1]*

(*Note: Link is editable for other parts, just change the number. For mobile users, tag is “playthings part1”)

Note from @loxxxlay: MOB ANON HAS REVEALED THEMSELVES!! They are @red-shadow-wolf-19 and they have plans to write more Grandthorki in the future! Go follow them for more of their fics <3

They dragged him out of the bedroom when it was announced on the news the next morning. He knelt in front of the large flat screen, amongst the games controllers that had been his brother’s solice, and watched as the a newscaster said in a sympathetic but efficient manner, “Thor Valhalla was found this morning in critical condition after what appears to be an assault. He was rushed to a hospital but pronounced dead on arrival. He was thirty two.”

“The Brat is dead! Long live the Brat!” Mario crowed, and the crew laughed.

Gast used one finger to lift Loki’s face to his. “You always have your exit strategy, sweetheart. Remember?” He said it almost kindly.

“M-may I go back to the bedroom?”

Back away from the crew and stares, Loki bent over the toilet and threw up in peace. He sobbed into the tile floor, aware that no one this time would come in and stroke his hair or hold him or sing some stupid song from their childhood. It was just him now.

They next day, they dragged him out again. This time because he had to cook breakfast. Life goes on.

Gast began making the rounds on the radio shows, calling in to dramatically cry about the death of one of his lost soulmates. He kept Loki in his lap, hugging him close like a stuffed animal. Occasionally the host would ask after the brunette. Grandmaster’s eyes would flick up to his, and he would politely look away. “In no fit state to talk to anyone, sadly.”

Naturally, that really wasn’t the case. Around three o'clock, Loki found a phone being shoved in his face as he laid on the bed.

“Call the hospital. Tell them you want the body. You can do that, you’re family.” There was an emphasis on ‘family’ that made his skin crawl, but he took the phone and did as he was told. Thor had told him to be good.

[read more cut]

The hospital, unfortunately, was making it difficult. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Valhalla, but Mr. Thor Valhalla’s body was released to your Father already. You will have to speak to him and your sister. I am so sorry for your loss.”

“I-I am his…,” he could barely say the words. He’d wanted to scream them for the last six to seven years, and now he barely had the energy to form a syllable.

“I’m so sorry.”

When he hung up and explained the situation, the slap to the face was almost welcome. “Call your sister! I want his body!”

Thor would have cheekily asked why he hadn’t kept it. He would have couched it as a light-hearted question. Loki simply dialled from memory Hela’s number and said nothing.

“I want Thor’s body,” he said with preamble once she answered the phone.

“Oh, Loki! I-”

“Please, Hela. I want to bury him. We-” he glanced at Gast who looked back at him expectantly, “we want to bury him.”

“After he-”

“He’s my husband, Hela…we got married. Did you know that? I’m legally allowed to have a say over what happens to his…remains.”

“I know, Loki. He told us.”

Loki took a shakey breath, the painful reminder of why Thor wasn’t there twisting in gut like a knife. “Hela, don’t make me fight you in court. Don’t make him fight you. Please, right now…”

“Daddy wants to bury Thor too.” It was said quickly, cutting him off.

“Near Mom?” he couldn’t help the hope that entered his voice.

“N-no. Um…he’s having Thor cremated and buried in another plot.” There was a quick and muffled dialogue on the other end of the phone before she came back. “I suppose we could um…share….him. Split the ashes.”

Loki felt like vomiting again. “Split the ashes?” He glanced at the Grandmaster who shrugged and nodded his assent. “O-okay.”

They arranged when he would come to pick up the ashes. Hela tried to invite him to their private funeral service, but he hung up on her instead. He had to be good. He had to survive. Grandmaster kissed his forehead and tucked him into bed for that.

That’s when he brought 'the trophy’ out. Loki nearly screamed and fled the bedroom, but he forced himself to remain where he was. The older man placed the glass container of strange viscous liquid on the bedside counter. The blue iris of Thor’s eye looked unreal and otherworldly, the veins and disconnected tissue floating out like tentacles or rays of lightning. Loki looked at it in morbid fascination.

“I said, it was his best feature,” Gast said simply, running a finger down the side of the glass.

“Yes.”

“Well one of his best features. But you can’t persevere an ass.”

“That’s why you called him Sparkles. Because of his eyes.”

“It’s not like he shot lightning or something.”

“May I keep his things? At least his drawings?”

“I guess. But keep them somewhere neat. I don’t want them everywhere,” he reached over and laid out three more items: a needle, a small bag of blue crystals, and a lighter. He left, without another word as Loki took them.

~2020~

He honestly couldn’t remember clearly the last few months. He remembered the funeral. Gast had made an emotional fifteen minute eulogy before bringing him to the front of the packed church to speak. He stood at the lectern, stuttering out something unintelligible before breaking down into sobs at the sight of the blown up picture of Thor. He had been gathered into the Grandmaster’s embrace, though they didn’t leave the altar. The cameras and the world needed to see him.

After that, his life was series of color and moments of sobriety. He tried to stay away from harder stuff, keeping mostly to alcohol and weed, but Gast kept giving him the crystals when he got 'too weepy’. He now slept and lived permanently in the master bedroom. He didn’t have to cook much anymore, mostly because no one trusted him around a stove. But he was good. Perfect. So they couldn’t complain.

Sometimes, he could forget everything. Gast would hold him in his lap during one of the numerous meetings, and Loki would simply exist, as though he had been willed into being just to please this man. Then, he would catch sight of the bar, or maybe something would brush across his cheek and it would come all crashing back. He would hug the man closer, for there was no one else he was allowed to touch anymore, and he would be given a glass of alcohol to keep quiet.

“My poor Lo Lo. All alone now.” He forgets when this was said to him exactly, but the ridiculous sweater he remembers Gast wearing made him think of Christmas. “Maybe I should get you a buddy. An itsy bitsy friend?”

He remembers the tablet being pushed into his face so he could stare at a Facebook page. The kid barely looked out of high school, standing in his board shorts and tank top, his brown hair being picked up by a breeze. He had a wide innocent smile as showed off a farmer’s tan. The photo was posted by Peter Parker, with a caption 'this boi thirsty! For lemonade it’s hooooott’ followed by a confusing jumble of emojis.

Loki had felt his stomach twist and an emotion akin to jealousy and guilt with a twinge of nostalgia settle there. But he was good. Perfect. So he had said as brightly as possible, “He’s cute!”

“I knew you would like him!” Grandmaster had cooed, as though he had picked out a puppy. He had kissed Loki so sweetly, again he almost forget everything. Even Thor’s eye still on the bedside counter.

Loki was slightly drunk when the police finally came to arrest the Grandmaster. They had been expected, but late. To the mobster’s delight he had made quite a scene. They had been at a restaurant, watching Peter, Loki still stalling the inevitable when they had came, led by Bruce Banner. He had tried to scratch the cuffs away and nearly punched Bruce’s face. To the man’s credit, he had been very gentle and guided him back to his seat before continuing. Gast naturally was home the next day, already gloating.

This time the DA did not push for a gag order. They seemed rather unconcerned with what the Grandmaster said or did. And he took full advantage of that fact.

“We’re still mourning our Thor and they do this! After his family would not come to the funeral!”

“Awful,” the interviewer said, shaking her head sympathetically. “Loki, do you have anything to add.”

“Why are they doing this to us? Haven’t…haven’t we lost enough?” He broke down with each word. They didn’t cut away as he choked and sobbed. It made for good television, he supposed.

When they DA announced they had a secret witness, there was a large meeeting in the penthouse about who it was. No one suspected Loki; he rarely left the apartment anymore, and if he could get away with it he stayed mostly in the bedroom. Besides, the secret witness was apparently in protective custody. Anyone who was late or didn’t attend the meeting immediately fell under suspicion and fingers were pointed even at those who showed up early. It was utter chaos. Gast loved it. Loki slipped away to the bedroom with a bottle of wine.

The day of the opening of the trial, Loki was woken up and made to put on the clothes he had worn at the funeral. They were a little too big on him now, he had lost some weight since then, but he still looked impressive. His eyes were bloodshot from all the drinking and drugs, so they gave him a pair of sunglasses.

“Can you even walk a straight line,” Gast asked him mockingly. He could, but his hands shook. They gave him a flask for his pocket and a packet of cigarettes. He didn’t have a wallet or cellphone anymore. He hadn’t since Thor died. All the money under his and his husband’s old mattress had been taken and redistributed to the penthouse crew, except for a hundred dollars which Loki had used for his last solo trip in the city to pick up Thor’s ashes.

The courthouse was packed with the press and the public when they arrived. Gast waved good-humoredly at them as they entered. He made a big production of helping Loki to his seat, kissing and fawning over him. He let the sunglasses dip for a moment so people could see his eyes. Naturally, the press would assume it was because of tears not alcohol. Topaz settled in next to him, a more 'comforting’ figure than Mario.

Stark and Romanov entered, ignoring the press as they went to their table. They spoke in low voices and passed a cellphone and a tablet back and forth between them. Loki didn’t pay attention, keeping his eyes forward on Gast and trying to memorize the New York seal on the judge’s bench.

“All rise!” called the bailiff. The courthouse stood as a small heavily whiskered man soon and settled himself in the high bench. “The Honorable Patel preceding.”

“Sit down,” the judge said, fiddling with papers on his desk as the courthouse sat. “I will hear opening statements. Mr. Stark?”

The ADA stood and spoke very succinctly. They had evidence of weapon trafficking as well as drug trafficking. They also had evidence of sexual and physical assault, and conspiracy to attempt murder. Gast, he explained rather dryly, was a danger to the city and society and had manipulated his way out of justice before. “Hopefully, he won’t this time. With your help,” he concluded, thanking the jury.

Gast’s lawyer stood as soon as Stark sat and began to dramatically recount the last year: the DA’s first attempt to sully the Grandmaster by manipulating his lover, Loki which resulted in Loki’s suicide attempt. The brunette shifted uncomfortably in his seat at being part of this, but he made no move to shield himself from view. Then, he spoke about losing Thor to thugs collecting a gambling debt. Bile rose in his throat at that, but he pushed it down. He was good. Perfect.

“And now, DA is dragging this man and his loved ones back into court not four months after burying his beloved as some sick way to get votes. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you have the poor to end this! Listen to the weakness of this case, and then find En Dwi Gast not guilty!” A few people in the gallery clapped, causing the judge to bang his gavel a few times.

“Stark, are you ready to proceed with your secret witness?”

“Already? Blowing your load a little early, aren’t you?” Gast quipped. The gallery laughed. The gavel fell.

“This is not an open mic night. Please refrain from comments. Mr. Stark?”

Tony nodded, dialled a number on his phone and said a few words. A side door opened. The room gasped.

Loki didn’t look at first. He was good. Perfect. But finally when Gast gasped as well, he swiveled his head robotically around. He let out a cry.

Thor stood, supporting himself on a cane and Valkyrie’s arm. He had an eye patch his left eye and his hair had gotten a little longer than the Grandmaster ever let it grow. Every step he made to the witness box was slow and pained, but he barely seemed to care. His one eye found the defense side of the room and he glared with venom at the older man.

Loki’s limbs moved on their own. He stood, knocking over Topaz. By the time the woman had recovered, he had walked out of the gallery. Gast was calling to him, using all the sweet nicknames he had. It made not an ounce of difference. The judge was saying something and the bailiff tried to intercept him but Val had waved him off as Stark shouted to be heard.

He was standing in front of Thor, the sun streaming over them from the high windows. Thor’s expression had softened as he had gotten closer. He was crying now, reaching out to him, stroking his face tenderly like he had the last time they had seen one another. Loki took the hand before launching into his arms, nearly knocking him to the ground.

The brothers held one another for several moments, the courtroom holding their breath as they spoke in hushed and hurried voices. Finally, the younger let go, turning to Stark. He spoke in a watery voice slightly hoarse from months of crying, drinking, and disuse.

“Can I be added to the witness list, too?”

[chokememrstark]

Birthday Surprise // Assistant Verse Thorki

Words: 3,6k

Summary: Thor is confused when he overhears a phone call Loki makes and even more so when he later transfers a call from his bosses mother. After a bit of snooping around, he finds out that it’s actually Loki’s birthday and feels awful for not knowing and for making such an important day bad for his boss. He decides to do something to lift Loki’s mood, which doesn’t go quite as planned.

Warnings: bottom!thor, sub!thor, top!loki, dom!loki, blowjobs, smut, pwp (though actually it has plot this time!), drinking, aging (i guess?)

Notes: This was such a fun thing to write! It’s set in @thequeenoffish ‘s Assistant Verse, which seriously gives me so many thoughts and ideas that I had to write this scene. If you’re in need for some sub!bimbo Thor you have to read this, it’s absolutely beautiful!!

When Thor walks up to Loki’s office he can already see that his boss is on the phone, but he needs to pick up those papers for the new product line the marketing manager asked him to get, so he makes sure to be extra quiet to not disturb him. Loki barely acknowledged Thor’s presence, just nods at the pile of paper on the table, and continues to speak.

“No, Hela, I told you to not call me today, didn’t I? I don’t care about these things, I never did. What? Yes, thank you for reminding me I’m wasting my life. Of course I know. Do me a favor and skip the call next year, okay? Sure, you too.”

Thor doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, but it’s inevitable while he sorts through the papers to find what he needs. When he looks up Loki is massaging his temples, eyes closed and visibly annoyed. He knows better than to ask dumb questions, so he just leaves with what he came to get and doesn’t give into his curiosity.

Two hours later though, it’s sparked once more when he gets an unusual call on Loki’s line. He puts the woman on hold, pressing the button on his desk to speak to Loki.

“What now?” Loki groans frustrated and Thor frowns. “I’m busy.”

“Sir, I have a call for you on hold, from your mother?” Thor feels kind of awkward saying this because he knows literally nothing about his bosses family or private life, even more so when the first reaction he gets is another groan. “Do you want to speak to her or should I tell her you are in a meeting?”

“No, don’t do that,” Loki sighs after a few moments. “Put her through. God, this day just gets worse and worse.”

Thor does as he’s told, but he doesn’t know how to feel about it. After merely two minutes Loki rings for Thor to come to his office, which he does immediately of course. Loki sits at his desk just like before, fingers on his temples and even more annoyed than the last time.

“I don’t want any more calls today, Thor,” he says as soon as the door opens and looks up. “Tell them I’m in a meeting, tell them I’m dead, I don’t care. Unless it’s someone from the top management, I don’t want to talk to them.”

“O-of course, sir,” Thor mumbles surprised, but nods anyway. This is rare, Loki never rejects calls like this and he doesn’t remember seeing him so frustrated before either. “I can do that.”

“Good, now get out of here, I’m getting a headache and need silence.”

Thor makes sure Loki is not disturbed by any calls for the next few hours, slightly worrying about the whole situation. It gets even worse when Loki exits his office around four in the afternoon, announcing that he would leave for the rest of the day. Thor jumps up and asks if he wants him to do something, but Loki just waves his hand, saying: “Go home or wherever, I don’t need you anymore today.” He leaves without even so much as a goodbye, which is unusual even at his worst days.

Despite being told to leave, Thor stays for half an hour more. He feels kind of bad for following his nosiness by logging into the company’s personal files, but he needs to know if his assumption about Loki’s mood is right or not. Eventually, he finds the answer he expected, and it all starts making much more sense. It’s Loki’s birthday, his 30th to be precise, and apparently, it doesn’t go at all as he wanted it to go. Thor feels bad when he closes the files again and asks himself if he should do something about it.

Birthdays aren’t something everyone celebrates of course, but he does think this is a rather special one and he doesn’t like that Loki seems to have a miserable day. When he packs his things and makes his way out of the office, he wonders if Loki expected him to know and do something special, which is a thought that sends a cold shiver down his spine.

“Shit.”

He’s Loki’s secretary, he is supposed to know such things! How could he be so careless and not even think about this before? No, this is bad. Thor decides he needs to fix this mistake, even if it will end with Loki yelling at him for being so dumb to forget it in the first place. So, instead of going home, Thor calls a taxi to run some errands in order to make up for his lack of competence.

It’s already starting to get dark when the taxi pulls up in front of Loki’s place and when Thor gets out, he’s immediately greeted with ice cold rain right in his face. He quickly pays the driver and picks his stuff up from the back seat, before hurrying to the door. Ringing the doorbell turns out to be quite difficult, so eventually, Thor has to do it with his nose because his hands are full and he doesn’t want to put anything down into the mud.

Loki groans when the doorbell rings and actually flinches for a moment. Seriously, a visitor? Out of all days, this is surely the worst one to pick. Not only did both his sister and his mother had to call and remind him of his birthday, of course with Hela mocking him and calling him ‘middle-aged’ and ‘slowly running out of time’, he also had to come home just to find a damn gray hair on his head. He didn’t plan to get drunk originally, but this was the last straw. He’s down to his second bottle of wine within one hour and the effect finally starts showing when the doorbell disturbs his peace.

With a low growl, Loki puts down the half-empty bottle and stalks over to the door, ripping it open without even trying to hide his annoyance when he barks: “What?”

Thor didn’t expect such a harsh welcoming and is visibly startled, actually taking a step back. The two look at each other for a few seconds - Loki’s face slowly losing most of his anger and Thor drenched and still being rained on, awkwardly smiling and very uncomfortable.

“Thor?” Loki asks, blinking confused as he lets go of the door handle. “What the hell are you doing here? Did I forget to pay you or what?”

“I… well…” Thor stumbles over his own words, suddenly feeling really dumb for coming here. Loki clearly wants to be left alone, no wonder he’s mad. “I just… thought…”

“For God’s sake, Thor, speak!” Loki snaps and Thor flinches at the harsh tone of his voice.

“I… I got you some cake and wine,” Thor mumbles ashamed, stepping from one foot to the other. “For your birthday, I mean. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you. I’ll just leave again, but you can still have them if you want to.” He holds out the box and bottle in his hands, avoiding any and all eye contact.

Loki is silent for a full minute, completely baffled by Thor’s explanation. He has no idea why Thor knows about his birthday or why on earth he would think this was a good idea, but he can’t deny that he’s kind of flattered.

Thor eventually steps back, lowering his head because Loki doesn’t react. Not that he blames him, he understands, he just hoped that he might appreciate the gifts at least. He’s about to leave, looking at his feet when Loki suddenly speaks and he stops in his tracks.

“Wait, I can’t let you leave like that. You’ll get ill.”

Thor looks up confused. He totally forgot that he’s soaked from head to toes, but with the way Loki looks at him, he remembers again.

“Come inside, you’re gonna freeze to death out here,” Loki says and takes the cake out of Thor’s hands finally. He turns around, jerking his head to signal Thor to come, and after a moment of contemplating, Thor follows him.

Thor fears he might leave dirty footprints on Loki’s floor and quickly gets out of his shoes before following Loki into the living room. He immediately notices the bottles on the table, no glasses, and wonders if those are all from today, but the way Loki signals him to sit down kind of speaks for itself.

“Take your jacket off though, it’s leather, but it’s sensitive.” Loki turns and leaves the room without anything else, but Thor does as he’s told because the last thing he wants is to ruin Loki’s chair. After sitting down he doesn’t really know what else to do though, so he listens to Loki work in the kitchen and looks around a bit. He has been here before, but never actually inside, only picked up a few things every now and then.

Loki’s apartment is quite big and the interior is simple and clean, but it has something comfy to it at the same time. Thor likes Loki’s taste, which mostly consists of black and white with several gold accents. It suits him somehow, he doesn’t really know why. He’s actually so fascinated by what he sees that he only notices Loki returned when he hears a noise behind him. He turns around and realizes Loki brought plates and forks from the kitchen, as well as two glasses, and for some reason, he blushes slightly at this and shifts in his seat.

“If you come here unannounced, I’m sure you don’t mind staying for some cake and wine, right?” Loki asks and Thor quickly shakes his head.

“O-of course not,” he mumbles.

Loki smirks and opens the wine Thor brought, filling both glasses with it. Thor isn’t used to Loki doing such things - not that they ever had wine together, but usually he is the one who prepares things for his boss, not the other way around - and it makes him slightly nervous when he even cuts the cake and hands him a place with his piece.

As awkward as it is, the cake tastes very good, just like the wine, and while they eat, Thor slowly begins to relax a little again. Loki is obviously tipsy and empties his wine faster than Loki can process before getting a second, but he doesn’t seem to be as annoyed as when Thor arrived anymore. By the time the cake is gone, Loki is slumping on the couch, eyes slightly hooded and lingering on Thor in a way the other can’t quite identify. He tries to ignore it for some time, but it’s impossible to not be affected by it. Not in an uncomfortable way though, which is what confuses him.

Suddenly, Loki smirks and rolls his head to the side. There is something predatory in the way he looks at Thor and it makes the blond’s loins flare up.

“Did you really just come here to bring me cake and wine?” Loki asks, curious and slightly suspicious.

“You looked really angry when you left work, so I thought it might cheer you up a bit,” Thor explains his behavior, which surely comes off strange now that he thinks about it. “That’s all I wanted, really.”

“That’s too bad, really.” Loki shifts to sit more comfortably, spreading his legs a little while watching the other’s face closely. Thor gulps inaudibly, trying to keep his eyes directed at Loki’s face instead of allowing them to wander. “I hoped you had a different reason for your late visit.”

“A… a different one?” Thor mumbles, clearing his throat that suddenly feels dry and tight. “I… I don’t know what other reason I should have. I just… think birthdays should be nice, not sad.”

“They should be, yes,” Loki says slowly, arching his back with a low grunt. “And I know something that would make this birthday a lot better than it started out.”

Thor knows where this is going and he can barely hide the fact that he wants Loki to continue. Something inside of him woke up when Loki looked at him like that as if he is nothing but his prey. He shouldn’t be aroused by this thought, but he is, there’s no arguing about it. When Loki suddenly squints his eyes at him, Thor knows he needs whatever is coming next. It doesn’t matter what it is, but he needs it badly.

At first, Loki just signals Thor to come closer by crooking one of his fingers. Confused, but still curious, Thor follows the gesture until he stands between Loki’s legs. For a moment, his boss simply looks at him like this - tongue slowly licking over his bottom lip and his eyes dark and dangerous. Then, he speaks a single word with a dark, husky voice that breaks all of Thor’s defenses immediately.

“Kneel.”

By God, this one word alone creates a firework in Thor’s head and stomach that makes him obey embarrassingly fast. It almost hurts when he hits the floor, but Thor doesn’t care, not even a bit. He looks up at Loki, cheeks flushing and eyes full of need, and he doesn’t have any words to explain how incredible he feels in this moment. The tightness in his pants that came so suddenly only adds to his internal wildfire that now burns brightly.

“Such a good boy, aren’t you?” Loki asks, bringing a hand up and burying it deep in Thor’s blond locks. Thor can’t hold back a quiet moan at this and leans into his touch, hardly able to keep his eyes open. “Tell me, Thor, how badly did you want to touch me when I had you on your knees the last time?”

“Badly,” Thor gasps, gulping down hard when his eyes brush over the bulge in Loki’s pants. “So badly it hurt.”

Loki tucks on his hair, forcing Thor to look back into his eyes. They are hungry in a way that makes Thor’s head spin. “Show me,” he orders, coaxing another moan from Thor. “Now.”

Thor’s hands are shaking when he brings them up, so much he can barely open Loki’s pants when he tries. He can feel how hard he is under the fabric and he never wanted anything more than he wants this. It takes him almost a minute before he’s able to free Loki’s cock, a sight that makes him gasp and almost drool immediately. He licks his lips when he wraps one of his hands around it, heart stammering in his chest as if he just ran a marathon.

It feels like time has slowed down when Thor closes his eyes and leans forward, licking the drop of precum off the tip of Loki’s cock like the sweetest treat in existence. He can’t help but hum at just how perfect it tastes and when he closes his lips around him, Loki lets out a loud, utterly lustful moan. Thor’s head feels beautifully light, leaving nothing but the feeling of Loki’s perfect cock in his mouth, of his tongue tasting what he longed for for so long and of the intense heat that spreads throughout his whole body.

There is nothing about this that isn’t absolutely sinful and desperate, but Thor doesn’t care. He loves trailing his tongue along the shaft of Loki’s cock, feeling it twitch under his touch and to take him in deeper slowly, just a bit more every time he bobs his head. Not even when he begins to gag Thor stops, no matter than breathing becomes difficult like this. He wants all of him, wants to choke on Loki’s cock until he passes out if he can. It’s everything he imagined it would be and so much more, he just can’t get enough.

Loki does nothing to stop Thor, he is letting him do as he pleases, moaning deeply at his eager. When Thor finally takes him in completely, he lets out a quiet ‘Fuck’ that makes the blond shudder and suck him off hard, almost sending him over the edge immediately. He doesn’t want it to end already, but damn, Thor is incredible with his mouth, he’s making it difficult for Loki to keep it together.

Thor is absolutely lost in sucking Loki off. He gives everything he has, swallows him down to the point tears build up in his eyes before letting go just long enough to take a breath before going down on him again. There is something so intense about this, about the sounds he coaxes from Loki and about the thrill of pushing himself to his limits. He doesn’t even realize when he starts rutting against the floor, searching for friction to relief his painfully hard erection somehow.

Suddenly, Loki’s hand is back on Thor, trying to push him away. Thor can feel Loki’s cock twitch harder and his hips buck, but he doesn’t want to be stopped. He digs his fingers into Loki’s thighs, hollowing his cheeks as he takes him in all the way again, humming in delight when Loki gasps and groans beneath him. There is nothing he doesn’t want and he is determined to go all the way, sucking Loki off as skillfully and hard as he possibly can.

“Fuck, Thor!” Loki moans, nails digging deep into Thor’s shoulder when he finally loses it and cums deep down the blond’s throat. Thor almost cums on the spot himself, the overwhelming salty taste all that exists anymore and causing his loins to tense up so perfectly. He swallows down every last drop, unable to stop milking Loki dry even when tears roll down his cheeks and he can see black dots bloom before his eyes. Only when he is forced to get air he pulls back, head falling against Loki’s thigh and breath hitching and shallow.

Several minutes pass like this, with Thor trying to catch his breath and yet being unable to do it. He lets out a displeased grunt when Loki suddenly moves, followed by a clicking noise and, shortly after, Loki exhaling slowly and leaning back. Thor is still so hard it hurts, but he doesn’t dare to touch himself and in a way, it’s a sweet torture because none of his arousal has disappeared. Eventually, he can bring himself to look up, eyes glossy and lips slightly parted, with nothing but bliss on his face.

Loki’s arms are spread over the back of the couch, his hands holding a glass of wine in one and a gleaming cigarette in the other. He just looks at Thor for a moment before taking a drag. Thor’s eyes are fixated on Loki’s lips, on the way his jaw moves as he inhales, of his throat muscles tensing and relaxing again and even though he is completely against smoking, it’s the hottest thing he has ever seen.

“Get up,” Loki says after blowing out the smoke. He takes a sip from his glass when Thor follows his command, eyes not once leaving his. With a wicked gleam in his eyes, Loki puts the cigarette out by dropping it into the glass and leans forward to out it onto the table. As he does, his face comes so close to Thor’s crotch that his cheek is brushing over his hard on and Thor lets out a cry of agony. He is desperate for release and Loki knows that all too well.

“Sir, please, I…”

“Shh, come here,” Loki hushs Thor when he leans back, pulling him close by his wrist. “You did so well, Thor, you deserve a reward.”

Thor shudders when Loki pulls him down, making him straddle his lap. He can barely hold himself up on his own, his legs trembling too much to support him in any way, but Loki takes care of that by holding him in place. One of Loki’s hands rubs over the bulge in his pants carefully, building up pressure slow enough to be both painful and amazing, and Thor can’t help but drop his head against the other’s shoulder. He forgot how to speak, he forgot how to do anything but moan like a needy bitch.

“Cum, baby,” Loki purrs into Thor’s ear, so close that his lips brush over his skin. “Show me that pretty face of yours when you’re moaning.”

As if he had waited for approval, Thor’s orgasm begins to build up under nothing but Loki’s demanding touch, without more than the friction created by fabric rubbing against his cock. Thor moans; he moans embarrassingly loud while cumming in his pants harder than he ever came before. It feels like forever and it’s just so good, he could pass out if Loki wouldn’t hold him so tightly and breathe down his neck.

“Such a pretty little whore for me,” Loki purrs, coaxing a soft whine from Thor, who leans even more into his touch. There is nothing about Loki’s words that would hurt him, not at all. He wants to be his whore, he wants to be his pet, fuck, he wants to be everything Loki asks him to be. Until now it was nothing but a fantasy, but now Thor knows this is what he craves.

“Only yours…” Thor whispers, almost too quiet for Loki to hear him. He does though and brushes a hand through the blond’s hair gently.

“That’s right, you are,” he murmurs, brushing his cheek against Thor’s slowly. “You’re mine.”

[obsidianarchives]

In Defense of Thaddy Thor's Physique in Avengers: Endgame

There has been a lot of conversation surrounding Avengers: Endgame, the final chapter in Marvel’s 22-film, three-phase saga. Fans and critics have a lot of feelings about what the film did right, but a lot of the chatter I’ve seen on social media has been about what the film did wrong. Specifically, how the film “ruined” Thor. While I get some of the general issues people have with Thor in Endgame, a lot of the criticism feels unfair.

If you haven't seen Endgame yet and don't want to be spoiled, now is the time to stop reading.

At the beginning of the film, our heroes have lost the battle with Thanos. Thor, the self-proclaimed “strongest Avenger,” who first failed to deliver the fatal blow in Wakanda, executes a weakened Thanos on a garden planet in front of a demoralized team, then walks off. When we catch up with him five years later, he’s holed up in New Asgard with friends Miek and Korg. His hair has grown, his beard is unkempt, and crucially, he has gained weight. This has, apparently, made Thor “a joke.” That particular criticism irks me, so I’ll jump right into why I think it’s wrong.

First of all, Thaddy has been through A LOT. He loses the last of his living parents at the beginning of Ragnarok. His sister Hela, fresh outta prison, shattered Mjolnir(!) and kicked him out of the Bifrost mid-transport. She went to Asgard and murked an entire military squad, the Warriors Three, and no telling how many others. He landed on a strange planet where they cut off his hair(!!) and forced him to fight gladiator-style against his friend, Hulk. When he and his friends escaped, they came back to Asgard to save what remained but had to bring about Ragnarok — essentially letting a monster destroy Asgard — to kill Hela. Then when he led his remaining people to safety, their ship was beset upon by Thanos, who manually culled half the people on the ship, killed Heimdall and Loki, and gave Hulk the business. All while Thor watched, tied up and helpless.

Thor had already lost all his friends, family, and the majority of his people before Thanos used the Infinity Gauntlet to reduce the population of all living creatures by half. He 👏🏾 is 👏🏾 depressed. 👏🏾

Depression doesn't look the same on everybody. But it can and sometimes does look exactly like Thor. It looks like isolation, apathy, extreme weight loss or weight gain, and self-medicating or substance abuse. It looks like doing the bare minimum to keep yourself alive and grooming/showering only when you can muster the strength or the fucks to give. Thor wears his anger, grief, and guilt on his body like people who struggle with depression often do.

Apparently, this makes Thor unworthy. Or at least, that’s the way some people have interpreted it. I don't think the filmmakers thought through Thaddy, beyond wanting to show how much he was affected by everything he's experienced since we've known him. He was not written with as much care as he could have been, but I also don’t think he was written carelessly or as a punchline to a bad joke. I don't think the filmmakers saw him negatively or expected the audience to. They wrote him as someone who is still worthy.

Contrary to some criticism (1, 2, 3, 4), there are only a few times where someone makes a specific comment regarding his body/weight.

When Bruce and Rocket go to retrieve Thor and where his new, fatter body is revealed. Thor says something like "I am doing good, don't I look good?" and Rocket replies, "you look like melted ice cream."

Rocket is an asshole. That is his most defining characteristic, outside of being a sentient raccoon. (This is also why he does not give Thor a good pep-talk on Asgard.) Bruce says nothing about his physical appearance or about the way he spends his time and doesn't make fun of him or judge him for how he's changed. He just asks for his help.

When Thor abandons his mission to take the Aether from Jane and runs into his mother. After she lovingly roasts him and gives him sage advice, she sends him off with "eat a salad."

Mom's be like that. That’s not to diminish it cause it is problematic, but it's a thing a mom would say. It's something my mom has said to me and is in line with the kind of caring concern mothers who mean well often show.

After the team has successfully retrieved the stones and are discussing who will wield the new gauntlet. Thor asks them, "do you know what's coursing through my veins right now?" And Rhodey replies jokingly, "cheese wiz." Thor responds to this by making a face/gesture that's hard to read but is either agreement ("that's fair") or mild hurt. I personally read it as, "you got me there, but now is not the time."

It was, maybe, uncalled for, but definitely not worse than any of the numerous jokes that have been levied at other, fit-bodied people over time. One-liners are a staple of the Avengers films. Humor is one way the MCU and the Avengers films, in particular, have softened what might otherwise be very harsh stories to watch. Take away the zingers and it's just angst and fighting and death.

When Thor rejoins the rest of the team in Endgame, nothing really changes in how they treat him. Tony calls him a nickname, Lebowski, which is not a comment about his weight but his dress and overall demeanor. When Thor starts breaking down while discussing Jane and going on a tangent about what he's lost, they awkwardly try to get him back on task and when they can't, Tony gathers him patiently. They may react to him in ways the audience finds humorous, but they are not laughing at him.

I’d say the camera's POV was more discomforting than any of the characters’ words or behaviors. And this seems largely due to our own biases coloring how we view things. I watched all three Thor films recently and they have always loved a lingering torso shot that pans up. All-a-sudden it’s an issue when that same shot is focusing on a body we no longer find "appealing” or "attractive." They’ve always emphasized his body, it’s just now that his body is no longer “desirable” that the shot is making fun of him. The audience saw a “beer belly” and decided that was the joke. Never mind that the camera has always treated Thor this way.

Thor

Dark World

Ragnarok

Bonus: Age of Ultron

As for his character arc, he went from a person who wanted to be king but wasn’t ready in Thor to a person who was ready but didn’t want it in Dark World. In Ragnarok he discovers that even handicapped and disarmed, he has all the power within him. He leads the Asgardian refugees not because he wants to but because he is needed. It’s a lesson carried through into Infinity War, where he stands in front of a dying star to create a new weapon capable of defeating a powered-up Thanos. He doesn’t need Stormbreaker to be powerful, he needs it to channel his power.

That growth wasn't undermined in Endgame. Thor has not regressed, he’s stagnant. He’s lost. He doesn’t know where to go or how to move on. He feels like he failed his people as their king and everyone else as the “Strongest Avenger.” His retrieving of Mjolnir in the past/alternate reality was not about him “needing” a weapon (as he clearly had access to Stormbreaker), it was about him answering the question of, after all the failures and losses, is he still worthy? And he was. Belly, beard, sweatsuit, and all.

Maybe people's discomfort wasn't that the movie "made fun" of Thor's weight, but that it showed him being soft and vulnerable and messy and not all the way together. He didn't suppress the sadness and guilt he's entitled to. He responded to the pain. People want their heroes to suffer silently and never react or be affected. And it bothers some people that he didn't just move the fuck on. The film didn’t make him a “bumbling idiot” it just made him fat and people projected all their biases onto him.

As of this writing, I've seen Endgame three times. I went into both repeat viewings conscious of how the film treats Thor. And I've come away from it each time feeling the same way. I love Thaddy! I love that he was allowed to be imperfect. And I especially love that there was no “quick fix” before the big battle where he magically loses all the weight. Because even with a belly and split ends he’s still powerful, strong, and capable of and willing to fight. He’s still a hero!

And let us be clear, Thanos was beating ALL they asses! Any comments that Thor was singularly weak is nonsense. Tony and Steve got rocked in equal measure. Steve wielding Mjolnir was the shit(!!!) and it didn’t take anything away from Thor or undermine his strength in any way. Thor got his hero moments like many of the OG Avengers did, he just took a few Ls in the process.

Thor's final act on Earth is appointing Valkyrie king of New Asgard. He didn't want to be king in the first place and only took the mantle to protect his people after Asgard fell. In the five years while he was depressed and unable to lead, Valkyrie stepped up. She was ready and willing and he was not. Giving her the throne was not an act of weakness, but one of strength and wisdom. It was a culmination of all the lessons he's learned and him heeding his mother's advice to "be who you are, not who you're supposed to be."

Last we see Thor, he's hitching a ride with the Guardians and having a push-and-pull with Quill over who’s in charge. As we know, Thor is not a dude, he is a man. Quill is a dude at best. It's unclear whether Thor will make an appearance in the next GOTG, but if he does, I expect him to be the captain, it’s only fair.

Whether he remains thicc or tightens up is of no consequence. Being fat does not diminish him. He is still strong and he is still a hero. And frankly, he is still foine! A little tummy ain't never hurt nobody and Thaddy could still get it!

Header image credit to Marvel Studios.

[aphrodaisyacs]

Summary:

After the stunt they pulled at the party, Tony has taken to referring to Loki and Steve as “clone boyfriends”, a nickname which rapidly morphed into an inside joke amongst the Avengers. It’s all fun and games until it gets overheard by a clueless reporter- now the public believes that Steve and Loki are genuinely an item.

Chaos ensues.

Or: The one where Steve and Loki get mistaken for a couple, but they go along with it to make homophobes mad.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies) Relationships: Loki/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, James “Bucky” Barnes & Steve Rogers, implied past En Dwi Gast | Grandmaster/Loki Characters: Steve Rogers, Loki (Marvel), Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Thor (Marvel), Sam Wilson (Marvel), James “Bucky” Barnes, Wanda Maximoff, Vision (Marvel), Brunnhilde | Valkyrie (Marvel), Peter Parker Additional Tags: Crack, Humor, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Infinity War is still cancelled, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Homophobia, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Genderbending, News Media, Social Media, Attempted mass shooting, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Brief cameo by Tr*mp

(Reposting this on tumblr because I fucked up the first time round)

The sequel to this fic, and things make more sense if you read that one first.

Full chapter below:

It’s been months since Steve had last set foot in New Asgard. Already, the place looks so different- more like an actual town. It’s the one-year anniversary of the Asgardians’ arrival and settlement on Earth, and Thor had decided to celebrate their progress by throwing a festival. The Avengers were invited, though only about half of them took up on the offer- the rest remained in New York to hold the fort, so to speak. And due to the nature of the event, government officials from all over the world have also been invited.

Shortly after arriving, Steve and his friends split up to do their own thing; Tony had made a beeline towards the food stalls, Clint went off to try all the games and activities available, leaving Steve and Natasha to stroll aimlessly together in the bustle of the crowd, avoiding reporters as much as possible and stopping whenever something caught their eye.

Steve is sipping on a sample of Asgardian mead when he suddenly feels his phone vibrate. He fumbles for it, while feeling all too aware of Natasha’s curious gaze on him.

He raises his eyebrows when he sees that it’s a message from Loki.

Steve opens the single attached image and sure enough, it’s an extremely unflattering picture of himself mid-blink, cropped from what appears to be an interview directly following the Battle of New York.

Steve rolls his eyes.

Me [11:42am]

Seriously, where do you keep finding these? I swear you’re gonna run out someday.

A few seconds later, his phone chimes again.

Loki [11:42am]

I won’t :)

Steve shakes his head, but he can’t help the amusement tugging at the corners of his lips.

Me [11:43am]

Btw we’ve been here for a while now but I still haven’t seen you. Where are you?

Loki [11:43am]

I know

Don’t worry, you’ll see me soon :)

“Who are you texting? Your clone boyfriend?”

Steve sighs and looks up to meet Natasha’s deceptively innocent expression.

It’s all Tony’s fault- he was the one who started throwing that nickname around after the party. The teasing only intensified when Loki had somehow acquired Steve’s number and started messaging him with it. It had taken Steve an embarrassing length of time to realise that Tony was just being Tony, and he wasn’t actually accusing Steve of secretly dating Loki.

At first Natasha and Clint were extremely wary of their former enemy’s attempts to contact Steve, but they slowly withdrew their caution when it turned out that Loki’s messages mostly only consisted of unflattering still images of Steve and miscellaneous petty complaining.

“I’m so mad at myself right now,” Clint had said, a month after Loki first messaged Steve. “That guy mind-controlled me. And yet I’m finding it hard to stay pissed at him because he’s just so fucking hilarious. ”

Because Steve’s life is a cosmic joke, Natasha and Clint both picked up Tony’s stupid nickname, and one by one the other Avengers started using the stupid nickname too, the traitors. It even managed to spread all the way to Norway; Bruce and Thor found it hilarious. Loki, for his part, seems to find the nickname rather childish and beneath him. So like Steve, he mostly ignored it.

Despite Loki’s cryptic message, Steve doesn’t manage to see him anywhere for awhile yet. Instead, he and Natasha stumble across the archery competition, where they join the crowd to cheer for Clint until he wins. The three of them then wind up in a nalebinding workshop, and they all attempt to knit their own little patches of cloth. It isn’t as hard as Steve had expected, and he leaves the tent feeling pretty proud of the thumb-sized square he had made.

Around mid-afternoon, it becomes apparent that many of the festival attendees are congregating in the direction of the main stage. Out of curiosity and for a lack of anything better to do, they follow the crowd, and arrive just in time to see the curtains rise on a performance titled “Ragnarok”.

“Oh hey! There you guys are.”

Steve turns around to see Tony stride over with his hands in his pockets, followed unexpectedly by Brunnhilde, who waves at them.

“Hey,” grins Clint. “Where’s Bruce and Thor?”

Brunnhilde jerks her chin up at the stage.

“They’re going to be up there soon.”

Sure enough, a blonde man with a huge hammer strides into view, red cape billowing behind him. The people around them start cheering and whooping, but Tony adjusts his sunglasses and squints at the stage.

“He’s got the whole getup going, but surely that’s not our resident God of Thunder?”

Brunnhilde takes a swig from her bottle and lets out a bark of laughter.

“Oh, not him. He’s just an actor. Thor’s also in the play, just not as himself.”

“Who is he, then?” Steve asks.

She gives a lazy smile.

“Oh, you’ll see.”

Steve has to admit, the play is rather impressive for a stage production. Asgardian technology is truly a wonder, and miles ahead of anything they have on Earth when it comes to stage effects. He watches in awe as the old man on the stage, playing the previous King of Asgard, is replaced by Loki in a shower of light. But it barely takes two seconds for him to realise that the Loki on stage is also just an actor.

Just as Steve is beginning to wonder about the whereabouts of the real Loki, Thor and Loki’s secret evil sister suddenly appears in a burst of green light. Her entrance is marked by her completely shattering Thor’s hammer with one hand.

“Kneel before your queen!” she orders, sweeping her arm out and dispersing the remnants of the prop across the stage in a dramatic flourish.

Scattered gasps can be heard throughout the audience, but Steve finds his attention drawn to the woman on stage for different reasons- something about her just feels unexpectedly familiar…

“Hey is it just me or does she look exactly like Wanda, but with black hair?” Clint mutters.

Brunnhilde nearly chokes on her beer.

“That-” she coughs. “That’s Loki. In his female form.”

“What.”

Brunnhilde is laughing so hard at their shocked reactions that they get shushed by nearby members of the crowd. She was the only one amongst them who had any idea that Loki could even do that, though Steve supposes that it’s rather obvious in hindsight. He already knows from firsthand experience that Loki can shift into an exact copy of another person, so changing genders isn’t that much of a stretch.

Loki seems to be having a lot of fun playing the role of the villain, if the way he (she?) is hamming it up is any indication. They watch him dramatically banish Actor Thor and Loki to a new setting called Sakaar, then skewer all of the soldiers on the stage with blades pulled from seemingly nowhere.

When Sakaar’s ruler, the Grandmaster, is first introduced, the first thing he does is snatch off Actor Thor’s blonde wig and shove him into the gladiator arena. That is when Bruce enters the stage, covered head to toe in green body paint.

“I had to help him with that,” Brunnhilde comments absently.

Natasha whistles lowly. “That’s a lot of paint. How long did it take?”

“Oh, probably a minute. Took much longer to dry though.”

“Woah,” Tony says. “How?”

Brunnhilde shrugs.

“I pushed him into the tub of paint.”

Steve finds himself thoroughly enjoying the play, even some of the more absurd and over the top elements. At certain points he even finds himself wondering just how far the “based on a true story” label has been stretched, but considering the insanity of his own life, who’s he to judge?

He almost forgets that Thor is also supposed to be in the play, until the final act where Actor Thor and Loki decide to instigate Ragnarok in order to defeat their sister. It takes Steve a while to realise that underneath the makeup and costume, the fire demon gleefully destroying the cardboard recreation of Asgard is actually played by Thor. The play ends with a battle between Thor-as-Surtur and Loki-as-Hela, and Steve has never seen a group of people applaud the destruction of their own home so enthusiastically when the curtains finally close.

As the audience begins to disperse, Brunnhilde leads the Avengers to the backstage area. They arrive to find Bruce and Thor being interviewed by some reporters, but before they are forced to awkwardly stand around and wait until they get noticed and dragged into the interview as well, Loki shows up.

“Well, if it isn’t my favourite heroes,” he drawls. He’s already changed back into his normal appearance. “How did you like the performance?”

“I enjoyed it,” Steve admits with a smile. “Is that what your sister actually looked like?”

“Of course not,” Loki scoffs. “I don’t think any of the Asgardians are ready to see her likeness again so soon. That was just my preferred female form.”

“Did you look anything alike, then?”

“No. We’re not even related.” There’s a hint of mirth dancing in his green eyes. “I’m adopted, remember?”

Before Steve can reply, he’s interrupted by Thor.

“Friends! It’s been a while!” Thor grins. His enthusiasm to see them again is matched only by the volume of his voice.

“Aww man, you just interrupted the reunion between the clone boyfriends,” Tony jokingly whines. “It was getting sweet!”

Thor laughs.

“Sorry about that.” He turns around to where Bruce is still gathering his things. “Banner! We can finally show them the weapons demonstrations now.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming! I just need to wash all this off first,” Bruce calls back, gesturing at his still-green appearance.

“Sure, big guy,” Brunnhilde says, giving his arm a pat. “We’ll wait for you outside.”

They all shuffle out the exit, completely oblivious to the bewildered glances exchanged between the reporters and cameramen who had witnessed the entire exchange.

The next day, on the morning of their flight back to New York, Steve wakes up to a very ominous text from Sam.

Sam [1:13am]

Call me when you’re awake. Get the others too, if they’re up.

Natasha is the only other one awake in their lodge, nursing a fresh cup of coffee in the kitchen. Her expression tightens when Steve shows her Sam’s message.

They huddle around the kitchen table and he puts Sam on speaker.

Sam picks up after the first ring.

“What happened?” Steve says.

“Well good morning to you I guess. Who else am I talking to?”

“Just me,” replies Natasha. “Tony’s probably still in his room and Clint’s not getting up until he’s gone through all of his alarms. What’s the emergency?”

“Weeell…” Sam begins. “This isn’t exactly the type of emergency that we usually deal with. But long story short, some reporter overheard one of you guys refer to Steve and Loki as boyfriends, and. Well.”

Steve blinks. He runs through his memories of yesterday, and groans when he remembers what Tony said backstage after the play. Next to him, Natasha begins furiously typing away at her phone.

“Oh god,” Steve mutters. Sam makes a sympathetic noise.

Natasha exhales loudly.

Before Steve can ask, she shoves the results of her Google search at him:

‘Clone Boyfriends’: Captain America secretly dating former enemy Loki

CNN

Avengers accidentally reveal that Captain America and Loki are dating

Vox

National icon defiled? Captain America turns out to be gay

Fox News

Captain America has a boyfriend, according to Avengers

USA TODAY

Captain America revealed to be in gay relationship

New York Times

“Oh god, ” Steve repeats.

“Yup. I know you don’t go on your social media accounts that often but I think you should avoid them for a bit.”

Steves rubs a hand over his face. Maybe if he presses against his nose firmly enough then he’ll be able to suffocate himself to death and he won’t have to deal with any of this.

“How likely is it to go away if I just ignore it?” Steve asks, voice muffled by his palm.

He’s half-joking, but he immediately feels Natasha’s incredulous gaze on him. Sam’s snort of laughter can be heard on the other end of the line.

“You’re kidding me, right? Look, I’m not that familiar with the media circus but even I know that’s not going to work.”

Steve lets out a hysterical bark of laughter.

“Really? But people have always speculated on whether I was dating Peggy or Bucky. Or both. And if the tabloids are to be believed then every single one of the Avengers have dated each other at least once. What makes this any different?”

“The difference,” Natasha says, “is that they were just that- speculations. So no one took them too seriously. But this time, from the public’s point of view, there’s actual evidence- an inside source. Namely, Tony. And Thor too, I guess, for not disputing it.”

“But that doesn’t-” Steve begins to protest.

“I know,” Sam sighs. “But that’s not how the public sees it. And now all the news outlets are talking about it.”

Going rogue again is starting to sound unreasonably appealing. Steve’s done it before, so it can’t be as bad the second time round, right?

“Alright,” Natasha says. “We’ll call a meeting once we arrive back at the base.”

Steve sighs.

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

Tony chooses that moment to shuffle into the kitchen with a loud yawn.

“What’s this? You guys having a secret meeting while I was still in bed? Rude.”

“Have you checked the news yet?” Natasha asks instead.

“News always comes after coffee,” Tony declares while fiddling with the coffee machine. “Why? We don’t need to suit up or anything do we?”

“Nope,” Sam replies. “You can worry about it later when you come back. You need to leave soon for your flight anyway, right?”

“Uh…” Steve glances at the clock next to the fridge. “Yeah. Talk to you soon.”

The call ends, and Tony does indeed check the news after the first sip of his coffee.

Which he promptly sprays back into the mug.

Steve wrinkles his nose at the droplet which landed on his elbow.

“Ho- holy shit,” Tony chokes. “I can’t fucking believe this.”

He tries to say more, but he’s laughing so hard that nothing else comes out coherent.

Steve sighs and turns to Natasha. Predictably, she’s no help at all.

“As much fun as this is,” she says, eyes twinkling, “I have an ass to kick out of bed right now.”

She gets up and leaves, and Steve suspects that she probably meant what she said literally.

Since Tony is still bursting into fits of giggles every time he so much as glances in Steve’s direction, Steve is left to process his situation by himself.

He absently fiddles with his phone, and he finds himself opening up his message history with Loki. He knows that he has to say something to him- a heads up, at the very least. But after five minutes of typing and erasing the same thing, he simply settles for attaching a link to one of the articles that Natasha had pulled up earlier.

Out of morbid curiosity, Steve reads the articles- including the comments- while waiting at the airport. He finds it bizarre how most people seem more hung up over the idea of him being in a relationship with another man than the fact that it’s with Former Public Enemy Number 1. It’s disappointing, but not unexpected. But it could’ve been worse, he supposes; back in the 40s, even the slightest suspicion that Steve is also attracted to men would’ve meant dealing with a lot more than just having his non-existent love life aired to the world for other people’s entertainment.

The second, slightly more sensible but equally vocal group consists of the people who are still doubting the authenticity of Loki’s status as a reformed criminal. These are the people who are using the scandal as an opportunity to revive the debate on whether the punishment the Asgardian had gotten upon returning to Earth was anything more than a slap on the wrist. After all, could being confined to New Asgard even count as a punishment?

But there was also another surprising group to emerge out of this mess; feeling emboldened by the news that their hero is also part of the LGBT+ community, there has been a wave of people coming out on social media. It’s the only good thing to come out of this mess so far, and Steve genuinely feels bad when he thinks about how disappointed they’ll be when they find out that this was all just a misunderstanding.

It is only after they touch back down on New York that Steve finally receives Loki’s reply.

Loki [3:35am]

Oh my

I didn’t realise we were courting

Why didn’t you tell me?

Me [11:56am]

The reporters overheard Tony’s stupid nickname

And then they got stuck on the “boyfriend” part in “clone boyfriends”

Why

Loki [12:01pm]

The world begins to starve when you don’t feed it a regular dose of scandals

What are you going to do about it? Are you even going to do anything about it?

Me [12:02pm]

I have to. I don’t know what it’ll be yet but we’re holding a meeting with everyone once we get back to HQ.

Will you, Thor and Bruce be free in the next hour or so?

Loki [12:02pm]

You know we can always just go along with it ;)

I’ll ask Thor, but we should be.

Bucky welcomes Steve back with a light punch on the shoulder.

“Twenty four hours,” his best friend deadpans.

“Shut up,” Steve groans, swatting his arm away. “It’s not even my fault this time.”

“Is that a new record?” Sam asks with a grin.

“Nope. That one’s gotta be the time when I went to get ice-cream, then turned around to see him get shoved at a trash can. So maybe ten minutes.”

Steve feels heat rise in his cheeks.

“That never happened!” he tries to protest, but Sam’s howling laughter drowns out his words.

Inside, Wanda and Vision are already seated in the meeting room while Rhodey is setting up the holographic call to New Asgard.

“This has got to be the weirdest reason we’ve held a meeting, ever,” Rhodey mutters as they wait for the call to connect. When it finally does, the holographic forms of Thor, Bruce and Loki flicker into view.

“Before we start,” Steve says, addressing them directly, “has Loki told you guys why we’re having this meeting?”

“Oh, yeah,” Thor replies. “Can’t you just tell everyone the truth?”

Sam sighs.

“That’s definitely an option, but we also need to account for the fact that there are already people trying to get Steve to give up the shield.” At Thor’s miffed expression, he quickly adds, “Because they don’t like the idea of him dating a guy.”

If anything, Thor looks even more confused, and just the slightest bit indignant. Bucky snorts.

“Yeah, right. He’s more likely to repaint the shield rainbow.”

Bruce frowns.

“That bad? Already?”

“Yep- bad enough that even our good ol’ President’s commented on it, apparently,” Clint suddenly pipes up, finally looking up from his phone.

All at once, everyone else except Thor and Loki groans. Thor looks bewildered at their synchronised dismay, while Loki’s eyebrows lift in barely concealed amusement.

“And what did this President of yours say?” Loki asks, in a tone a tad too light to be genuine.

Tony looks up at the ceiling.

“FRIDAY?”

FRIDAY obediently pulls up the clip, and Steve almost groans again out of instinct the moment he sees the President’s face.

“The fake news media has gone too far this time. Now they’re slandering Captain America and making stuff up!”

There’s a brief pause as the audience in the footage erupts with agreement. Meanwhile, nearly everyone in the meeting is exchanging shocked looks.

“Am I hearing correctly or is he actually right for once?” Vision muses.

“I know a lot of gay people and I think it’s great, but I’m a traditionalist man. And Captain America is a true American man who’s done a lot for this great country. He stands for the traditional values of America, not the nonsense that the fake news media has been saying about him. They should be ashamed of themselves, for defiling our national icon like that.”

The clip ends there, and the room stays silent as everyone processes what they just heard.

Rhodey shakes his head.

“Yeah, nevermind.”

Steve finds it unsurprising that the President falls under the group of people who are stuck on the idea of Captain America dating another man. Though he’d honestly expected a little more outrage regarding it being Loki, a former enemy responsible for the dozens of deaths in New York. There’s nothing particularly unexpected about the President and his supporters having skewed priorities, but for some reason this is the reaction which sets off the truest, deepest part of him- the scrappy kid who tried to fight against the unfairness of the world even when all he had were his bare fists.

The anger swirling in Steve’s stomach is beginning to make him feel nauseous.

Across from him, Tony sighs heavily and runs a hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry. This is all kind of my fault. Look, let me lend you my PR team for this- they have experience dealing with me, so this should be a piece of cake for them.”

Steve furrows his brows.

“What would they need from me then?”

“Eh, nothing too complicated- I think they’ll just get you to make a public statement and apologise for the misunderstanding. Just y’know, explain that the whole clone boyfriends thing is just a joke amongst friends that got misunderstood by a third party, how you and Loki are definitely not dating, but you fully support the LGBT+ community.”

Steve bites his lip as he considers the option. It’s fairly reasonable, he supposes.

But it doesn’t feel enough.

“Is… there something else you can also say?” Wanda speaks up reluctantly. “Because at the moment it feels like we’re admitting that the President is right, and…” She trails off and bites her lip, looking visibly uncomfortable.

“Yeah it does, doesn’t it,” Rhodey sighs.

While everyone else begins murmuring suggestions, Steve is silently contemplating his situation. It’s just as Wanda said- it may sound petty, but the last thing Steve wants to do is admit that the President and his ilk are technically right, albeit for the wrong reasons. He’s seen the way the President and his Administration have abused their power, time and time again, taking away what little the LGBT+ community have gained. He’s seen that amidst all the hatred and scepticism at his mistaken relationship with Loki, there is a visible part of the community which is cautiously delighted at the news that someone they look up to is one of them.

Tony’s solution… it isn’t bad, but it feels too close to admitting defeat for Steve’s comfort. He wants to do something that will tell the President and his supporters to fuck off and stop using Captain America as an anti-gay symbol. Steve has never put much thought into his own sexuality, partly because he never thought he’d live past 30 and also because he knew how unattractive he was as a partner, being so sickly and small. But he knows how important it is to many people, especially those in the LGBT+ community. And he wants them to know, unambiguously, that he’s on their side.

Steve glances at Loki’s direction to see what he’s thinking, but the other man merely looks back at him with a curious gaze. Loki doesn’t seem emotionally invested enough in the situation to really contribute anything, and Steve gets the feeling that he’s waiting for Steve’s decision.

He sighs.

What else can he even do?

He absently spins his phone between his fingers, but then drops it in surprise when he accidentally unlocks it. It opens up to his latest messages with Loki.

Me [12:02pm]

I have to. I don’t know what it’ll be yet but we’re holding a meeting with everyone once we get back to HQ.

Will you, Thor and Bruce be free in the next hour or so?

Loki [12:02pm]

You know we can always just go along with it ;)

I’ll ask Thor, but we should be.

Steve blinks at his screen.

Huh.

“Hey, Loki?” he suddenly says, gaining the attention of everyone in the room. “Remember the plan you suggested before the meeting started? Do you still want to go through with it?”

Loki looks a bit startled at being addressed out of the blue, but he quickly recovers and tilts his head questioningly.

Thor narrows his eyes.

“What plan?”

Loki’s eyes finally light up with recognition. A mischievous smile snakes through his lips.

“Of course. I would be more than happy to.”

Tony looks back and forth between them suspiciously.

“No, I’m not liking the look of this. Seriously, what plan?”

“We’re going to go along with it,” Steve says, his resolve hardening with every word. “We’re going to pretend to date in public.”

Stunned silence descends upon the entire room.

“Please tell me you’re joking,” Bucky finally says.

“I’m not.”

“But-” Bruce looks like he’s at a loss for words. “Why?”

“Because I can’t let people like him, ” Steve jabs a finger at the air where the President’s face was mere moments ago. “Use Captain America as a symbol against a community that’s already been ostracised over and over again for no good reason.”

“And you can’t do that with a public statement?” Natasha asks with an unreadable expression.

Steve shakes his head.

“It won’t be enough. Not for people like him.”

“Steve, no, look-” Bucky looks physically pained. “I know how you get when the President’s involved. We’re postponing this meeting to tomorrow because you’re not thinking straight right now.”

“That’s what she said,” Clint mutters, then winces when Natasha kicks him under the table.

Steve clenches his jaw stubbornly.

“I know exactly what I’m doing.”

“Alright, fine,” Sam says. “Say that you do go through with this plan. What exactly are you hoping to get out of it?”

Loki gives Steve a very unsubtle once-over.

“I think that’s quite obvious,” Loki smiles, prompting an appalled look from his brother.

While Steve isn’t in the mood for the usual light hearted teasing, he can’t help but roll his eyes in response.

“If I pretend to date Loki,” he says to everyone else, “then things will continue the way they are- people will no longer get to use Captain America to further their homophobic rhetoric. This may or may not make things better for the LGBT+ community, but it will definitely send a stronger message than a public statement telling the truth.”

“And you don’t care about the damage that it will do to your public image,” Natasha says, making it more of a statement than a question.

“This isn’t just about my reputation- Captain America’s reputation- anymore. I just-” Steve sighs. “I’ve been looking at some of the reactions to the news. At first I was angry at how the misinformation got viral, but then I saw how it led to so many people coming out- they felt like they were able to because their hero did. And I can’t just take that away from them.”

There’s a brief moment of thoughtful silence, until Tony speaks up.

“I know this is slightly off-topic, but it’s kind of important- are you gay, Steve?”

“Tony,” Rhodey says sharply, but Tony quickly holds his hands up in surrender.

“It is important. Because I think that before you go and pretend to be in a gay relationship- such a public one, no less- you should at least have an idea of whether you’re gay or not.”

Steve bites lip and turns his gaze down to the table in front of him.

“I don’t know,” he admits. Now that he thinks about it, he remembers quite a few instances where he’d found his gaze lingering on some men a little too long to be considered polite. But he also knows that what he felt for Peggy was real; he knows that if he had made it home when the war ended, he would’ve felt like the luckiest man alive to marry her, settle down and raise a family with her.

Steve isn’t sure what this means, but it doesn’t matter.

“Loki and I are friends anyway,” he continues, and boy does it feel strange to hear those words out loud, even after all these months. “So I don’t think it’s going to matter. We’re just going to go with it for now, but once people stop paying attention to the relationship we can quietly break up.”

The Avengers reluctantly agree to the plan, and the meeting ends shortly after that. Steve can’t quite believe that he’s going to be faking a relationship with Loki, of all people. But he supposes it’s fitting that if he’s going to fool the whole world, then he’s doing it with the help of the God of Mischief himself.

Belatedly, it hits Steve what it really means, for him to pretend that he and Loki are together. In a relationship.

He has no idea what he’s doing.

The only experience he has under his belt are all the double dates that Bucky had dragged him into, and the almost-not-really thing that he had with Peggy. And look at how well those have turned out.

His inner crisis gets interrupted by a knock on his door.

“Hey.”

Steve looks up from his book he’s long been distracted from to see Natasha leaning against his doorway.

“Hey yourself.” Despite how drained he feels, he can’t help but smile at her presence.

Natasha takes that as the invitation it is to sit next to him on the bed.

Steve sighs and puts his book away.

“You’re not trying to talk me out of it, are you?”

Natasha lets out a disbelieving huff.

“Give me a little more credit. You know I know you better than that. I’m here to tell you a few things before you actually do anything.”

She looks at him, and Steve has to pause at the intensity of her expression.

“You need to remember that this isn’t a mission. No one’s lives are at stake, so you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, even as part of the charade.”

Steve frowns.

“Nat, I don’t think Loki-”

“This isn’t about Loki,” she interrupts. “This is about you and what you’re comfortable with. I’m just saying- all couples are different. Take Wanda and Vision, for example; those two only go as far as hand-holding in public. So if you don’t feel comfortable with certain types of PDA then you need to remember that you don’t have to do it.”

“I…” Steve begins, then swallows. Her concern makes something warm blossom in his chest. “Thanks.”

The corners of Natasha’s lips twitch upwards.

“I just hope for your sake that he’s a better kisser than you are.”

“Hey!”

Me [4:11pm]

Since people think we’re dating, they’re gonna ask how we got together

What’s our cover story?

Loki [4:17pm]

The best lies are the ones closest to the truth

We can just tell them that we began our correspondence after one of the Avengers’ gatherings

Me [4:19pm]

Yeah that works

Can I also expand upon that and say that it’s a long-distance relationship (which is why we haven’t been seen together in public yet)?

Loki [4:19pm]

Of course, Captain

Me [4:20pm]

I’m pretty it’ll make more sense to call me Steve at this point

Loki [4:20pm]

As you wish, darling :)

For their plan to work at all, they need to, at the very least, be seen together in public.

Tony reluctantly asks Pepper to extend Loki a last-minute official invitation to the upcoming Maria Stark Foundation Charity Ball. Bruce too, since Loki isn’t legally allowed to leave New Asgard without being accompanied by an Avenger, and Thor is too busy to take a break again so soon. The charity ball is familiar territory for Steve (and Loki too, given his royal background), so it’ll be a good start for them to debut as a couple.

Steve is still on social media blackout, but in the days leading up the ball, Sam has helpfully informed him that the hashtag #LetCaptainAmericaBeGay has been trending on Twitter for three days already. When Steve brings this up to Loki in their messages, he simply receives a “Guess what else is trending” and a link to the #Stoki posts on Tumblr in return. It’s… eye-opening, he supposes, in the same way that watching a car pile up happen in real time is.

(He will never admit that he’s lost an hour of his life scrolling through that page)

It’s kind of strange how nothing really changes between them. But then again, it’s not as if Steve’s unexpected friendship with Loki isn’t strange to begin with. The other Avengers still don’t know what to make of it (with the unsurprising exceptions of Thor and Bruce), as is usually the case when it comes to anything Loki-related these days.

The day of the ball finally arrives, exactly one week after The Scandal. Steve has to admit, Loki looks good, in his dark and expensive-looking three-piece suit. Loki too, takes the time to pause and admire Steve’s appearance when he sees him.

“Hello, darling,” Loki half-sings in a mocking yet deadpan manner. “Did you miss me?”

This gets a genuine huff of laughter from Steve. It’s quite obvious that Loki is just messing around, but they’re already attracting the attention of nearby strangers who are trying and failing to pretend that they aren’t eavesdropping.

“Of course, love,” Steve replies in a matching tone. He doesn’t even manage to keep a straight face while saying that, but he can feel the shocked gazes swivelling in their direction.

God, this is already simultaneously way more fun  and nerve-wracking than he had expected it to be.

The first part of the night isn’t so bad, but that’s mainly because they are seated at a table with the other Avengers and Pepper. Steve manages to distract himself from the stares by paying more attention to the conversations with his friends and the plate of food in front of him.

But in between the deliveries of each part of the meal, people are getting out of their seats and socialising, so unfortunately that’s what they have to do as well. Steve and Loki stick together throughout most of it, only occasionally breaking off to talk to their own friends.

The Avengers may not trust Loki, but the general public trusts him even less. For almost every starstruck look that Steve receives, Loki gets a wary glance at best and a distrustful glare at worst. The polite ones make an effort to congratulate them on their “relationship”, but when they actually launch into small talk with Steve, they completely ignore Loki as if he isn’t there. Loki doesn’t appear phased by the not-so-subtle unfriendliness, but it still rubs Steve the wrong way. And the worst thing is, Steve knows that they’re probably not even doing it on purpose. After all, the same thing constantly happened to him whenever he was with Bucky, back before the serum.

Steve understands where they’re coming from, he really does- and he really isn’t expecting everyone to to simply drop their grudges and welcome Loki with open arms- but it keeps happening, again and again.

Steve thinks he’s doing a decent job of hiding his thinning patience, but unsurprisingly, it doesn’t escape Loki’s notice.

“You can at least afford to pretend you’re enjoying my company,” Loki jokes when they’re back in their own seats, dessert in front of them.

Steve blinks.

“Oh no, sorry, it’s just-” He makes a vague gesture in the direction of everyone else. “They keep ignoring you. Or acting like you’re just going to attack them when their backs are turned. Which is really rude and unfair to you.” He pauses. “It sounds kind of stupid when I say it out loud, doesn’t it.”

Loki’s bright green eyes glimmer with an unreadable emotion.

“I suppose it does,” he murmurs, almost distractedly, while stabbing his fork into a slice of lemon tart.

Steve manages to keep his cool, even when a particularly pushy reporter corners him for an interview once dessert is finished. She ignores Loki (yet again), but this time he chooses to exit with the excuse of refilling their glasses. Steve is left to indulge her questions, which seem reasonable enough at first.

“So,” she says, after the polite warm-up questions. “You are dating Loki?”

Steve’s polite smile tightens.

“Yes.” Despite the number of times he’s said it already tonight, the lie still feels foreign on his tongue.

“I- How-” She lets out a nervous peal of laughter. “How did that even happen? I mean, I don’t have anything against gay people or anything, but… surely it doesn’t make sense for Captain America of all people to be gay?”

Steve feels a small frown slip into his expression.

“…What do you mean?”

“It’s just that you like women- everyone who knows their history knows how important Margaret Carter was to you. And you came from a time where that kind of thing was frowned upon, and you wouldn’t be able to join the army if you were gay. And yet you’re probably the best soldier in all of American history.”

“I…” Why do they always like bringing up Peggy whenever they want to stick their nose into his love-life? “You flatter me. And just because it was frowned upon doesn’t mean that gay people didn’t exist.”

“But you’re not actually one of them, are you? Because so many children look up to you and it would be such a shame if their hero turned out to be someone with a lifestyle that isn’t so family-friendly.”

What.

The night has been wearing at him, and there are about ten different ways Steve wants to respond to her nonsense, but he was raised better than that.

He is left with no choice but to silently seethe, but Loki chooses that moment to return with two full glasses.

Loki raises an eyebrow at the visibly tense atmosphere as he hands one of them to Steve.

“Is everything alright?”

Steve purses his lips as he takes the glass. He gives a quick glance to the reporter, who is wearing a pinched expression at Loki’s interruption. Or maybe his presence. Whatever.

Steve turns his gaze back to Loki. An idea forms in his mind.

“Yes. Of course. Thank you.” He mentally apologises as he looks into those green eyes, which gaze back at him curiously.

Then he hooks an arm around Loki’s neck and tugs him down for a kiss.

He remembers to tilt his head at the last moment, but that doesn’t stop their lips from colliding messily. Their teeth clash and Steve accidentally bites onto Loki’s lower lip, inciting a small, surprised noise.

The kiss is too rushed, too unprepared, and it only lasts just long enough for everyone to register what’s happening.

Then Steve pulls away, heart pounding in his ears as he takes in Loki’s stunned expression.

He turns back to the gaping reporter.

“Sorry to cut this short, but I have to go now. Duty calls.”

He grabs Loki by the wrist and they make a hasty exit. Surprisingly no one follows them, but it does nothing to lessen the thundering of Steve’s heart. He can’t even bring himself to look Loki in the eye again until they reach a secluded area just outside the venue.

“I’m so sorry,” is the first thing Steve says. He winces and runs a hand through his hair nervously. “I shouldn’t have done that without asking you.”

But Loki only laughs.

“Oh no, don’t worry about it. How could I object to being kissed by a man as fine as you?”

Steve feels his cheeks heat up, but he refuses to let the teasing distract him.

“I’m serious. I should’ve at least asked you. It’s been a long night and I got angry at what she said, but that doesn’t excuse what I did. I’m sorry.”

Loki tilts his head consideringly.

“As I’ve said, don’t worry about it. It’s something that I’m far from opposed to,” he smirks. “And besides, the reactions you garnered were possibly the best form of entertainment I’ve had in the past week. It was amusing to see how closely humans are capable of resembling fish.”

Now that his anger-turned-mortification has worn off, Steve supposes that the gaping fish look the reporter had was actually pretty funny. He’s even starting to look forward to reading whatever article she’ll write after this.

The moment is broken when Sam finds them.

“There you are! I didn’t see what you did but suddenly there were rumours everywhere and then you guys had run off.”

Steve and Loki exchange amused looks.

“What kind of rumours?” Loki asks innocently. Sam takes one look at him and just shakes his head, refusing to even dignify that with an answer.

“Come back inside,” Sam says instead. “The speeches have started already but you should be able to sneak back in. After the last speech they’re opening up the dancefloor, and, well, I’m pretty sure I’m not exaggerating when I’m saying that everyone’s expecting the two of you to dance together.”

The words sink in, and Steve feels an oncoming wave of uncertainty.

Dancing brings up many memories for him, particularly those from before the ice- memories of his missed chance with Peggy, memories of the double dates with Bucky. The last time he had even danced, he kept stepping on his poor date’s feet. But with the serum now, his balance and coordination have most likely improved. It still doesn’t make the idea of dancing any more appealing though.

“I’m afraid that’s not possible,” Loki says, sending a pondering glance in Steve’s direction. “Our previous kiss has ignited our carnal desires, and we are currently having a passionate tryst behind the bushes. We are too preoccupied to return inside.”

He says all of this with a completely straight face. Sam’s eyebrows have long disappeared into his hairline, and Steve can’t help it- he bursts into laughter, laughing so hard that he doubles over. By the time he manages to straighten himself, he sneaks a quick glance at Loki. Even after all that, the only crack in the other man’s serious facade is the twinkling laughter in his bright green eyes.

Steve can’t help but smile as well.

He feels better after laughing- much calmer than he was before, at least. He’ll listen to the remainder of the speeches, and when the time comes for dancing, then… well, he’s been told that dancing is much more different now, less coordinated and partner-focused than he’s used to. He can probably get by with sheer instinct and going with the flow.

“No, it’s okay,” Steve finally tells Sam. “I’ll do it.”

“Are you sure?” Sam asks, still looking sceptical.

“Yeah.” Steve falters, then looks at Loki. “Unless you don’t…?”

“No, I’m fine,” Loki replies. Then he raises an inquisitive eyebrow. “Were you nervous about dancing?”

Steve sighs. Was he really that obvious?

Loki lets out a huff of laughter, but it doesn’t sound mocking at all.

“Don’t worry, Steve. Just follow my lead and we’ll be fine.”

“And if I step on your toes?” Steve half-teases.

Loki gives him a mock-offended look.

“You won’t.”

Sam looks between them with a thoughtful frown, but he shakes his head.

“Alright then, let’s go back inside.”

[Video: Hand-held recording of Steve and Loki dancing together in a semi-crowded dance floor. They are both smiling and laughing]

Liked by tonystark and 329,200 others

brucebanner Honored to be attending the #MSFCharityBall2018

Show all comments…

perrygp

I don’t think people realize how important this video is. It’s just Captain America dancing and having fun with his boyfriend, but I can’t tell you how much this would’ve meant to me in my teen years, when everyone treated gayness as something weird to be laughed at. And the people who are objecting to said boyfriend being Loki are missing the point.

usernametakenmyass

We’re living in the weirdest timeline

peterparker2001

hOLY SHIT theyre actually dating??? It wasn’t jsut celebrity gossip?? WHAT

bluecarpa3

what…? why? i liked captain america better when he was straight :/

veloucity

Did captain america already forget that this guy killed hundreds of people in new york or

r0ss_r1

I remember writing an essay for history in high school arguing that Captain America isn’t straight, and my teacher said it was well-written but she failed it because it was “factually incorrect”. And now it turns out I was right all along. SUCK ON THAT, MRS CHAPWELL.

female_presentingnips

I can’t believe I’m saying this but they actually look kinda cute together? Wtf?

2deraa

I was holding out on hope that the rumors weren’t true but I guess I’m not a Captain America fan anymore

tarax0x

I hate the internet. Their dancing, which somehow means they must be gay. They used to be enemies but now their just friends! Homosexuality is lustful, sexual attractions, while friendship is something so much more pure.

“Wait wait wait I thought the clone boyfriend thing was just a nickname I didn’t know you were actually dating.”

Steve and Bucky freeze in the middle of their sparring session. Bucky makes a face at the interruption while Steve blinks at Peter, who looks back with wide eyes.

“Uh, no, we’re not, actually.”

“Oh. Okay.” Peter looks slightly relieved, though no less confused. “Good- I was right then. See, I honestly thought that you guys weren’t telling me something about that party like it was one of those ‘what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’ type of things, which I missed because it was on the same day as Ned’s birthday-”

“No, Loki and I are not dating,” Steve interrupts before Peter can hyperventilate. “But we are pretending to.”

“Uh.” Peter looks like he has no idea how to react. “Sorry, what? ”

And so Steve and Bucky give the poor kid a crash course on The Scandal and what led up to it, as well as Steve’s genius plan (as quoted by Bucky with a generous helping of sarcasm). By the end of it, Peter hums thoughtfully.

“I mean yeah,” Peter finally says. “I think your plan’s working, anyhow. If you look at that video post of you dancing on Dr Banner’s instagram, the comments are a complete mess. And I’m pretty sure there’s already about a hundred articles written about it.”

Steve is still on social media blackout and Bucky only ever uses the internet for Skype, Spotify, animal videos, cooking tutorials and online shopping, so this is news to both of them.

“What post?”

And so that’s how Steve ends up spending the next ten minutes scrolling through a landmine of Instagram comments on Peter’s phone with Bucky reading over his shoulder.

“This is why I don’t do social media,” Bucky mutters, and Steve has to agree. Truth be told, a petty part of Steve is revelling in the homophobic anger of some of the comments. But there are also certain comments- especially the ones thanking him for being inspiring- which remind him of why he’s doing this fake relationship thing with Loki in the first place.

“Has Loki left already?” Peter suddenly asks.

“No,” Steve answers. “He and Bruce are still here, but they’re leaving tomorrow morning.”

“Ohhhh,” Peter says, nodding slowly. “Is it because you’re planning to go on a fake date soon or something?”

“Uh, no, they just wanted some room to breathe before going back to Norway.”

“But you totally should! You and Loki are trending right now, so if you go out say, tonight, then you’ll be getting a lot of attention. It’ll help your plan!”

Steve flips the idea over in his head, which isn’t too bad, actually.

He glances at the clock in the room. 2:35pm. A bit too late for lunch.

“I guess I can ask him out for dinner,” he muses out loud.

Me [2:35pm]

Do you have anything planned tonight?

If not, we can go out on a fake date for the public

Peter says we’re trending on social media right now, so maybe we should take advantage of it

Loki [2:37pm]

Not particularly

And of course, darling :)

Shall it be dinner at 7 then?

Me [2:37pm]

Sounds like a plan

With Bucky and Peter’s help, Steve attempts to pick out the most decent restaurant possible for such a last-minute booking on a Saturday. In the end, with Loki’s approval, they settle on a fairly classy seafood place with pretty good reviews.

That would’ve been the end of it, if it weren’t for the nagging feeling at the back of Steve’s mind that something is missing.

“Should I get flowers…?” he mutters out loud. At Bucky’s raised eyebrows, he quickly adds, “Because it’s the proper thing to do on dates- even fake ones, isn’t it?”

“Well I guess, yeah,” Bucky reluctantly agrees. “Figures you’d wanna go all-out on even your fake relationships, huh.”

Steve shrugs.

“Gotta do things properly, or they’re not worth doing at all.”

Peter perks up.

“Are you getting flowers, then? Because I know a place.”

Around a month ago, a rowdy group of primary school kids had run past a florist, knocking over several displays and then continuing their sprint out of fear when the poor owner had yelled out after them. Spider-Man, who had witnessed all of this, stopped to help clean up the mess, and from that moment on the florist adored the young superhero so much that she made a habit of giving him something for free every time he swung by.

After the three of them stepped through the cramped entrance, the florist had readily extended her friendliness to Steve when Spider-Man introduced him as the “friend who needs help”. She didn’t even seem to mind Bucky standing silently off to the side and staring intently at the rows of bright flowers. She wasn’t a particularly nosy, woman, but she did give Steve a knowing look when he admitted that the flowers are for a first date.

Steve stares at the mixed bouquet sitting on his coffee table while he lets Bucky adjust his tie for him. He’s wearing his second suit, which is practically identical to the one he wore yesterday except it’s charcoal grey rather than navy. He remembers how at first he had thought Tony was being excessive when the billionaire had insisted that it was important to own at least two suits. But now, five years later, Steve is grateful that he had begrudgingly listened.

He feels Bucky pat down the non-existent wrinkles on his shoulder pads, and he closes his eyes against the familiarity of the gesture, trying not to let it dredge up memories from a previous lifetime.

Bucky suddenly pauses.

“Have I done this before?”

Steve lets out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

“Yeah.” Seeing Bucky’s slight frown, he tentatively adds, “Are you remembering something?”

Bucky doesn’t answer for a few moments, but then he finally says, “I set you up on a date with Mildred’s friend. Patricia.”

“Yeah,” Steve repeats, slowly. “And within an hour she left me and they both became your dates.”

Bucky’s frown deepens. “She didn’t deserve you, Steve.”

Steve smiles. He feels something sad and warm twist in his chest.

“You said the exact same thing too, that night when we came home.”

“Oh.” Bucky goes over to the flowers on the coffee table, and gently picks them up. He stares at them in silence for a few moments, before he says, “I don’t know if Loki deserves you either.”

“Buck, you know we’re not actually-” Steve begins, but Bucky silences him with a disgruntled glare.

“Just don’t do anything more stupid than usual,” his best friend says, shoving the bouquet at Steve. “And no, that wasn’t a challenge.”

“Hey!”

Bucky rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling too.

“Good luck, Steve.”

Steve is bolstered by the not-pep talk from his best friend, up until he finds out from FRIDAY that Loki is currently with Wanda and Vision in Wanda’s room. His steps become more uncertain after that, but they slow to a complete stop when he reaches Wanda’s door frame. He isn’t sure what he expected to find, but it isn’t this- Loki and Vision are sitting cross-legged on the floor with a chessboard between them, while Wanda’s nestled on her beanbag, practising guitar behind them. It’s an unexpectedly peaceful scene; they look like they’re simply enjoying each other’s company.

Steve supposes it makes sense. After all, out of all the Avengers, Wanda and Vision are the ones who have the least amount of reason to hold a personal grudge against Loki. For some reason he cannot explain, Steve finds himself happy at the thought of Loki befriending more of the Avengers in his own time.

“I wasn’t aware that there’s an invisible barrier preventing you from entering,” Loki muses without looking up. Wanda laughs, pausing in her playing.

“Well it’s certainly not my fault if there is,” she says. “You can come in, you know.”

Steve awkwardly adjusts his hold on the bouquet, keeping it out of sight. The movement catches Vision’s attention.

“What are you hiding?” he asks with a curious tilt of his head.

“Uh, nothing, no, I’m fine thanks. Just-” Steve internally cringes. Why is he so bad at this? “Loki. I’ll meet you outside whenever you’re ready.”

He looks at Loki, who is actually rather well-dressed for someone who’s been lounging around indoors all day. In fact now that he thinks about it, Steve doesn’t think he’s ever seen the other man dressed in anything other than Asgardian armour and expensive-looking suits.

Loki looks back at him with slightly furrowed brows, then sighs down at the board.

“Wanda? Could you please win on my behalf?”

“Yeah, I guess,” she says as she puts her guitar down. “I’ll see you sometime.”

“Yeah,” Vision agrees. “We’re finishing this next time.”

Loki gives them both a lazy wave in response as he follows Steve out.

“You do realise we’re going to be ridiculously early if we leave-” Loki begins, but he suddenly cuts himself off.

Steve nervously follows the wide-eyed gaze to the flowers he’s holding. He clears his throat.

“Um, yeah. I know that we’re only pretending to date but I figured that I should still do it properly. And I don’t know about Asgardian culture, but on Earth, giving your date flowers is something we do. I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I ended up getting you a bit of everything. So, um, here.”

He holds out the mixed bouquet, which Loki accepts seemingly on auto-pilot. Loki is still speechless, and Steve watches anxiously as the other man stares at the flowers in his hands as if he isn’t quite sure whether they’re real or not. When Loki finally looks back up at him, Steve feels his breath catch at the intensity in his eyes- sea green, swirling with a mix of emotions.

But the spell is broken by the smile that graces Loki’s lips, which feels less genuine.

“Thank you, darling. You sure know the way to one’s heart.”

Steve isn’t sure what to make of Loki’s odd reaction, but he figures it can’t be too bad, if the way the other man carefully handles the bouquet back to his guest room is any indication.

Steve does his best to pretend that he doesn’t notice stares and whispers directed at their corner of the restaurant. Loki’s doing a much better job at ignoring them; he’s currently gazing intently out of the giant glass windows, though he looks more curious than impressed at the night view of the city outside.

“You liking the view?” Steve asks for the lack of anything better to say.

Loki lightly scoffs.

“Let’s just say it’s… different to the cities of other planets. But I’ve also noticed how practically every city on Earth is identical.” He absently swirls the water in his glass. “Funny, considering how much you insist that you’re different from each other.”

Steve wrinkles his nose.

“It’s actually a bit more complicated than that. How much of Earth’s history do you know?”

“Not as much as I’d like to, unfortunately. Before New Asgard, I’d only taught myself as much as I needed to know depending on whatever business I had at the time.”

Steve looks at Loki curiously.

“Oh? And what did your business with Earth usually involve?”

“Nothing in particular,” Loki says. “I merely used it as a place, amongst several other realms, for retreat on occasions where I felt the need to have some space to myself. And before you ask- no, I did not use the Bifrost. It’s fast, but hardly a discreet method of travel.”

Steve hums.

“I guess that explains how you’ve picked up on our technology here a lot quicker than Thor did.”

Loki rolls his eyes.

“Thor is a stubborn fool who likes sticking with his own way of doing things,” he scoffs, but there’s a hint of fondness to it. “In all honesty, I hadn’t actually come down here in over a hundred years, at least until several years ago. And I’m sure you don’t me to tell you that a lot has changed since then.”

Steve stares at Loki in surprise.

“Oh. Wow. Sometimes I feel like there’s still a lot of things I haven’t figured out yet about my phone, but you seem to know what you’re doing. It’s like you grew up with it.”

“Why, thank you,” Loki smiles. “Though to be fair, I do have an unfair advantage- for one, I’ve already familiarised myself with the technologies from a range of different realms. And for another, well…” He trails off, watching Steve carefully. “Let’s just say that I had the help of two humans well-versed in the area.”

Steve matches his gaze evenly. He’d seen this coming, and it’s honestly a surprise that they haven’t touched upon this topic already.

“Have you spoken to either Clint or Dr Selvig since you came back?”

“No,” Loki answers simply. “I haven’t seen any of Thor’s scientist friends, and considering that he’s broken up with Jane, I think it’s unlikely that I will. And as for Clint, well…” The smile that stretches across his face is entirely artificial. “We’ve been content to avoid each other.”

Steve sighs. He’d expected as much.

Their waiter chooses that moment to take their orders, something which reminds them that they’ve barely even glanced at the menu since they sat down.

Steve internally winces at the prices, but when he looks up at Loki, he sees the other man frowning as well.

“This can’t possibly be edible,” Loki says, gesturing at his copy of the menu. Steve looks at where he’s pointing, then feels a surge of amusement.

“Crab? It’s a staple of most seafood restaurants. You haven’t had it before?”

“I was expecting fish. This is a giant spider.”

“It’s not,” Steve laughs. “It’s good, I promise. Want to try it?”

Fifteen minutes later Steve is struggling to keep a straight face as he watches Loki attempting to get to the meat under the shell with nothing but his cutlery and the crab cracker.

“You know you can use your hands right?” Steve says mildly, hiding his smile behind his fist.

“I can do this,” Loki replies through gritted teeth. Unsurprisingly, he does manage it, after much manoeuvring. He eyes Steve smugly when the latter cleans his hands with the provided wet wipes, prompting Steve to roll his eyes in response.

They pretend not to notice the paparazzi trailing after them when they leave the restaurant. But halfway down the busy streets, Loki catches Steve’s eye with a mischievous smirk before slipping his hand into Steve’s.

Steve does his best not to tense up in surprise. It doesn’t help that Loki’s hand is cold, though it isn’t particularly surprising, considering how cool the night is. Steve gives Loki’s hand a gentle squeeze, hoping the transfer some of his own warmth. He feels some of the warmth travel to his chest as he watches Loki’s smirk soften in response.

A block away from where Steve had parked the car, they are suddenly interrupted by a sharp bang.

Loki hisses and clutches at his upper arm, and Steve immediately springs into action. For a split second he reaches for his shield, and he internally curses when he realises of course he doesn’t have it. He faintly registers light travelling up Loki’s body in his peripheral vision as he quickly dives and knocks several bystanders out of the way, just in time for more shots to be fired in their direction.

Steve braces for the impact of the bullets, but he watches with bated breath as they smack harmlessly against a force field which shimmers into view.

He looks up.

Loki’s black suit has been completely replaced by his Asgardian armour sans his horned headgear. His green cape billows behind him, and for a brief moment, Steve is struck by how heroic he looks.

But Steve can thank Loki for saving his life later- right now, he has a shooter to take down.

The crowd is beginning to truly panic, and Steve does his best to direct as many people to the direction of Loki’s giant force field as possible while he scans the direction the bullets had come from. It doesn’t take long for him to spot the pale, gangly young man clutching at a rifle. The shooter appears to be hesitating at Loki’s appearance, and Steve takes the opportunity to slip into the terrified crowd, unnoticed. Steve keeps an eye on the shooter the whole time, so he immediately notices when the the young man makes the frenzied split-second decision to fire several more shots in Loki’s direction.

Steve feels his heart drop and his ears are drowned out by the screams of the people around him. He doesn’t manage to see if any of the bullets had hit anyone or not, but he grits his teeth and continues making his way towards the shooter.

He has to trust Loki to take care of it.

Steve catches the shooter completely off-guard when he comes in out of seemingly-nowhere and knocks the rifle out of the young man’s hands, kicking him back and grabbing the weapon from him in one fell swoop. Once the guy realises that he’s been stopped by Captain America himself, he goes down without a fight. But just as a precaution, Loki strides over and freezes the man’s hands together in makeshift handcuffs with some ice spell.

Steve watches in fascination as the cold blue light spreads from Loki’s fingers, forming the ice seemingly from thin air. He isn’t sure if it’s a trick of light, but for a split second he swears that the skin of Loki’s hands turned blue.

Now that they’re waiting for the police to arrive, Steve turns to Loki.

“Let me see your arm.”

Loki crosses them both over his chest defensively.

“It barely grazed me. I’ll be fine. My armour and magic deflected the rest of it.” He pauses, then narrows his eyes at Steve. “What about you? You charged at him while you were unarmed. What were you thinking?”

Steve is taken aback at the sheer anger and worry in the other man’s tone. It even reminds him a little bit of Bucky, and he can’t help but laugh.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I know how to fight without my shield.”

Loki huffs in annoyance but doesn’t pursue any further, because the police arrive. The shooter gets arrested and Steve does most of the talking to the officers. It doesn’t escape his notice that while they seem in awe at his presence, they keep eyeing Loki warily. It reminds Steve a little too much of the charity ball, which already feels like a distant memory, with everything that’s happened.

By the time Steve and Loki are free to go, the area has been taped off and a huge crowd has gathered on the outskirts of the crime scene.

Steve sighs. Now that the adrenaline has faded, he just wants to go back to the compound. This wasn’t how he had wanted his fake date night to end, but he doesn’t feel up for doing anything else.

He suddenly feels a light tug on his wrist.

Steve looks questioningly up at Loki, but the other man has his eyes on the crowd. Steve follows his gaze.

There’s excitement and curiosity buzzing around the gathered people, and there’s even a noticeable number of them holding out their phones in Steve and Loki’s direction.

Steve feels Loki lean in conspiratorially.

“They’re all watching us now. Shall we do something with their attention?”

Loki’s whisper makes the skin on Steve’s neck tingle. He barely manages to suppress the involuntary shudder.

He swallows.

“Yeah,” Steve whispers back.

The corners of Loki’s lips quirk upwards as he gives one final glance in the direction of the crowd.

“How about a kiss then? One for the cameras?”

Steve licks his lips nervously, but he nods determinedly.

This time their lips meet slower. Carefully, but not hesitantly. Loki’s hand gently cups Steve’s jaw, while his other arm is looped around Steve’s waist, pressing their bodies close together. Steve leans into the touch and his arms around Loki’s neck tighten, deepening the kiss. Steve faintly registers a surge of noise in the background. But then he feels Loki sigh softly against his lips, and the little remains of concentration left vanish completely.

Then Loki pulls back, and Steve feels an unexpected wave of disappointment, though they are still close enough that their noses almost touch. He’s left feeling dazed and breathless, and his insides don’t feel entirely solid, like they might collapse under the heavy pounding of his heart.

It makes Steve feel a little better to see Loki looking equally stunned. They’re still pressed together, and Steve can feel Loki’s chest lightly heaving through the shared contact. He looks into Loki’s eyes- dark green, nearly the shade of a forest. Molten with heat, and so many other emotions that Steve currently lacks the brainpower to decipher.

Steve catches himself staring, and quickly turns away. He does his best to ignore the sudden pang at the loss of contact, and takes in their surroundings. His eyes settle on the crowd a few meters away, and reality abruptly crashes around him.

Right. That was why they were kissing in the first place.

He clears his throat.

“I think we should try heading back now.”

Captain America and Loki prevent a mass shooting in upstate New York

The Washington Post

Captain America kisses boyfriend after foiling an attempted shooting

Vox

Captain America proves that he no longer deserves his title

Daily Wire

There are zero casualties in last night’s shooting- and it’s all thanks to Loki

BuzzFeed News

Here’s what #Stoki means for the LGBT community

The Independent

Rumors that last night’s shooter was Spider-Man’s civilian identity

Daily Bugle

The Avengers’ reactions can be summed up as “Really, Steve? Really?” Which is frankly unfair, because the kiss wasn’t even Steve’s idea. Though he can’t exactly complain about resulting public responses it had garnered (in fact, come the next morning they find an unsigned note amongst the pile of mail, consisting of nothing but a succinct “Are you fucking kidding me” in what looks suspiciously like Fury’s handwriting). That’s what Steve has chosen to focus on, instead of the way his insides begin to feel strange whenever he even thinks about the kiss. He’s blaming that on the fact that he has kissed too few people in his life.

But despite everything, Steve still feels a genuine pang of… something when Loki and Bruce return to Norway. Something which, of course, his friends take notice of.

“So I’m guessing he is a better kisser than you,” Natasha says, because she likes making him suffer.

“Are you sure you’re not actually dating?” Tony teases, which Steve resolutely ignores.

The others are nice enough not to actually say anything about it, though at one point Bucky does tell him he’s acting like a lovesick teenager (which he isn’t, okay).

Sam sends him an article with the headline “Florida Man Accidentally Burns Home Down After Lighting Captain America Merch On Fire In Protest Of Hero’s Relationship With Loki”. Steve forwards the article to Loki, then prints it out and sticks it on his wall next to his sketches.

Steve and Loki continue to regularly text each other. Loki still likes to start conversations by sending unflattering photos of Steve, and Steve is beginning to wonder if there’s a website dedicated to photos of him looking as ugly as humanly possible, be it mid-blink, mid-sneeze, or appearing double-chinned from an awkward angle. But of course, there’s always the possibility that Loki himself was the one who found the stills by pausing footage at the right moment. At this point, Steve isn’t sure which one would be better. But he still makes sure to send back funny and/or interesting videos and images that he finds online.

Neither of them have really talked about the kiss, outside of the context of how the general populace has reacted. Which is to be expected, because that’s the whole point of why they’re doing this. Yet Steve can’t help but feel that it’s something like a spectre, hovering unspoken between them.

Their plan finally bears fruit when, as time passes, the public begins to treat their “relationship” as they would any other celebrity couple. In fact, in his most recent interview, Steve even gets asked about what it’s like to date a former enemy, and also what it’s like to be in a long distance relationship.

Life is good, though Steve sometimes catches himself longing to see Loki again.

Which he does- almost three months later, after he nearly dies.

The first thing that Steve registers is how sore and stiff he feels. The second thing he notices is that he’s sleeping on something soft.

Really soft.

“Don’t worry, only three days have passed.”

Steve blinks blearily, then stiffens when his brain finally registers who the voice belongs to.

He tries to sit up, but two strong arms push him down again.

“Please don’t,” Loki says, an expression which almost resembles genuine concern flits across his features. “You’ll undo all of Eir’s hard work.”

Deliriously, Steve thinks that Loki looks like an angel, and he nearly drops the glass of water that the other man hands him.

As Steve sips on the glass, he tries to remember what happened.

He’s supposed to be in Sweden. With Bucky and Clint. They were on a mission investigating the rumours of Chitauri tech being circulated underground in Stockholm. It was a bit of an overkill for the three of them to go, but it was more of a matter of safety just in case things go terribly wrong.

Which it did.

After having their operations discovered, the dealers started a shootout at the base.  In the midst of the chaos Steve got hit point blank in the stomach by one of their weapons. The last thing he remembers, before completely blacking out from the pain, was an explosion which felt like it had burned him alive.

“Where’s Bucky and Clint?” Steve finally asks.

“Bruce finally managed to convince them to get some proper sleep a few hours ago.” Loki pauses, levelling Steve with a serious stare. “You’re quite fortunate that you were so close to New Asgard. If you were treated in one of your ordinary hospitals, your chances for survival would’ve been rather… slim.”

A brief flash of pain flickers through Loki’s eyes- teal, under this lighting- as the last word quietly drops from his lips.

Steve swallows down the rising guilt.

“Oh.”

He averts his gaze, and he uses it as an opportunity to glance around the room he’s in. He’s currently lying on one side of a king sized bed, under cream-coloured silk sheets. Aside from his now-empty glass, there’s a small stack of books and a lamp on the bedside table. Pale daylight is peeking through dark curtains, which seem to be hiding a large window. In the wall opposite the bed is an unlit fireplace, and there’s a wall length cupboard next to the door. It’s sparsely decorated, but it still feels strangely cosy for a recovery room.

“Where exactly am I?”

“You are currently resting in my bed. You’re welcome, by the way- if my sources are correct then it is possibly the best surface you’ve slept on in the past weeks.”

Steve stiffens.

“Wait- this is your bed? Then what about-”

“You were only moved here this morning,” Loki interrupts him. “Eir predicted that you would wake up some time today, and our medical facilities are still rather small and understaffed. So being the generous and considerate lover that I am…” Loki’s lips twist into an amused smile, and he spreads his hands out. “I offered my own living quarters as a place for your recovery.”

Steve attempts to protest that he doesn’t want to impose, but Loki shuts that down quickly with “You almost died, you idiot.” After that Steve begrudgingly acquiesces, especially when he has to suppress at wince at how sore his abdomen feels as he sits up.

Steve is able to walk around without too much difficulty, so Loki leaves him to eat in the kitchen while he leaves the house to go somewhere else. After taking one bite of an apple, Steve suddenly realises how hungry he is, and he devours the rest in less than a minute.

Loki isn’t gone for long, as he returns with Bucky and Clint in tow while Steve is almost finished with his second apple.

Clint visibly perks up when he sees Steve alive and whole, though he still remains alert of his surroundings. Bucky’s expression is about as rigid as his shoulders, but after staring at Steve for a few tense seconds, it all drains out of him and he mournfully mutters that he’d thought he had lost Steve.

Steve feels his heart clench seeing Bucky so distraught. After all, he knows exactly what it feels like to think that you’ve lost your best friend forever when you were supposed to be on a mission together.

Eventually they get around to discussing the disastrous mission in Stockholm. It was technically a success as they did break up the alien weapons trading ring, destroying every trace of it to boot. Bucky and Clint didn’t get out of the warehouse shootout unscathed either, but they were nowhere near as horrible as Steve was.

Throughout it all, Steve notices that Loki is lingering silently, as far away from them as the small space of the kitchen would allow. He finds it slightly odd that Bucky and especially Clint don’t seem to mind Loki listening in on classified information of their mission, but Steve supposes that somewhere along the process of him getting sent to New Asgard for emergency medical treatment, Loki must’ve gotten ahold of the details anyway.

“Oh and by the way, Steve,” Clint says. “Bucky and I are heading back to the compound first thing tomorrow.”

Steve frowns, but Bucky interrupts him before he can say anything.

“Yeah, we’re leaving you. Think of it as a vacation or something. God knows you need a break from trying to get yourself killed.”

Steve glances at Loki, who doesn’t seem surprised by the news at all. He thinks back to his earlier conversation with Loki, and it suddenly clicks. So he’s staying over at Loki’s for the next couple of days; they must’ve discussed it before he had woken up, then.

“And you’re okay with Loki watching over me?” Steve asks Clint sceptically.

“Hell no,” Clint says immediately. “But I’m trusting Thor and Bruce to step in before he does anything. And if that doesn’t work…” Clint glares at Loki. “I’m turning you into my personal pincushion.”

“Well that doesn’t sound very pleasant,” Loki says drily, prompting Clint to childishly flip him off.

Bucky appears only slightly less adverse to the arrangement, but he still gives Steve a careful hug before he and Clint leave.

Steve is surprised, to say the least, when it turns out that Loki lives in a modest-looking cottage which looks no different to the others in the neighbourhood; Loki must’ve used magic to make everything much bigger on the inside. Aside from the living room, kitchen, bathroom and laundry room, the cottage has two bedrooms, though one of them has been completely repurposed into a personal library/study space. When they get back to Loki’s room, Loki admits that when he first heard about the label of “king” beds, he had thought it meant that the bed would be befitting for a king.

“It’s acceptable, I suppose,” Loki shrugs, which Steve responds to with a playful roll of his eyes. Typical.

It also happens to be the only bed in the entire cottage. Loki absolutely refuses to let Steve sleep on the couch, but he also thinks it’s beneath him to sleep there when the bed is perfectly capable of fitting both of them.

“I suppose I’ll look forward to waking up to your beautiful face, then,” Loki says with a playful wink. Steve ignores the teasing like he usually does, except this time it’s accompanied by a light fluttering in his chest.

(He ignores that too)

Truth be told, Steve doesn’t mind- after all, he’s not one to get touchy over bed-sharing. Back when he was living with Bucky in their apartment in Brooklyn, there were times when they couldn’t afford consistent heating in winter. Thus, in order to prevent Steve from getting sick from the cold, they often shared a bed to share warmth. Steve’s also lost count of the number of times he had shared beds with Sam and Natasha (or even both at the same time, if the bed was big enough) while they were on the run. In the end, bed-sharing is just a pragmatic thing that he does with people he trusts.

It kind of begs the question of whether Loki is someone he trusts. A year ago the answer would’ve been a definite “no”. But that was before he’d actually gotten to know his former enemy as a person. A petty, snarky yet insightful person, with a ridiculous sense of humour. Now, after over half a year of being friends with Loki, and especially after that incident following their fake date, Steve thinks the answer might be “yes”. He knows most of his friends would disagree, but he does trust Loki.

Steve sits half-tucked into his side of the bed, trying his best to answer his mountain of unread messages. He assures all of his worried friends that he’s fine but he’s going to stay in New Asgard for a few more days, though he’s almost certain that they would’ve gotten that information already from Bucky and Clint.

Steve doesn’t get any immediate replies, so he idly scrolls through the news to see what the public is told about the incident in Stockholm. Somehow that leads him to discover that news of his presence in New Asgard has somehow gotten out, which led to his “relationship” with Loki being brought into the limelight again.

Steve is watching a clip of some Fox News anchors debating with a “historian” on how “Loki the god of evil has brainwashed Captain America and we need to rescue the poor Captain from his clutches” when Loki strides into the room in his nightclothes while toweling his damp hair. Loki raises an eyebrow at Steve as he listens in on the newsclip, but Steve doesn’t say anything until several moments after the video ends.

“Oh my god,” Steve finally manages, after his brain finally processes the sheer amount of bullshit that he had just been forced to listen to.

“You called?” Loki grins, tossing his towel aside. Steve groans.

“I know a lot of people still hate you for New York, but-” he gestures at his phone, at a loss for words. “What the fuck. ”

Loki bursts into laughter.

“No need to be so angry on my behalf, Steve,” he says, climbing onto the bed. “I actually quite like their version of the truth.”

Then Steve blinks as he watches Loki abruptly rearrange himself into a mocking parody of a seductive pose.

“Yes, I have indeed seduced the good Captain to the dark side,” Loki smirks, lowering his lashes. “And I definitely have plans to do so for every other hero that Earth has to offer.”

Steve swallows. To distract himself from his elevated heartbeat, he throws a pillow in Loki’s direction.

The ensuing pillow fight lasts for over an hour.

It doesn’t surprise Steve when, in the middle of his lunch meetup with Thor, the topic of Loki comes up.

“How have things with Loki been?”

“Pretty good, actually,” Steve answers honestly. Loki has actually been a rather gracious host, though he does get a bit ridiculous whenever he gets under the impression that Steve is overexerting himself.

“Good, that’s good,” Thor says, but there’s a slight furrow between his brows.

Steve frowns.

“Is something wrong?”

“Oh, no,” Thor quickly denies. “It’s just that- it’s not that I don’t trust you or anything- because I do, you’re a great man, one of the most honourable I’ve had the luck to meet and fight with in my lifetime-”

“Thor…” Steve tries to interrupt, but his friend goes on.

“-but I think I should tell you that if you hurt my brother, then he’s not one for forgiveness.”

Steve stares at him.

“What.”

“He’s more likely to retaliate,” Thor clarifies, as if that was the part Steve should’ve been confused about. “See, when we were on Sakaar, Loki had this weird thing going on with the Grandmaster.”

Steve nearly chokes on his own spit.

“What.”

“Yeah,” Thor agrees, as if he is imparting some particularly juicy bit of gossip and not telling Steve something he never ever wanted to know. “The Grandmaster was a strange, but horrible man, but Loki only went anywhere near him because of his power. In the end, Loki betrayed him, stole his best ships and there was also a revolution involved. I’m not sure what exactly happened, but I’m pretty sure the Grandmaster is no longer the ruler of Sakaar.”

What the fuck.

“Um, okay?” Steve finally says, weakly. “Why are you telling me this?”

But the only answer he receives is a pat on the arm.

“You’re a good man, Captain. I’d hate to see Loki ruin your life.”

What the fuck.

Cold creeps into the air inside his lungs, seeps into his skin, turning his bones into ice. The air around him thickens, until he drowns in it, chokes in it-

Steve’s eyes snap open and he gasps for air.

It takes several heartbeats for him to realise that he’s in Loki’s room, and not the flooded cockpit of the Valkyrie. It is still completely dark, and a quick glance at the time tells him it’s a quarter to four.

An involuntary shiver suddenly wracks through his body, and that’s when Steve realises that the cold didn’t vanish with his dreams.

In fact, it seems to be coming from beneath the covers.

Loki makes a pained noise and shifts in his sleep, and that’s all Steve needs before he throws off the blankets and turns on the bedside lamp.

The movement jars Loki awake, but Steve’s jaw drops when he sees him in the light.

Loki’s skin is completely blue. Steve has no idea what this means, but now that he’s concentrating, he can feel that the source of the cold is actually Loki himself.

Loki looks frantic and disoriented, as if he had just woken up from a nightmare. But the moment his eyes- red, blood red- land on the blue of his hands, a fresh wave of panic sweeps through him.

“Loki-” Steve begins as calmly as he can, but Loki flinches and throws himself off the bed.

“Loki-!”

“Don’t touch me!” Loki suddenly yells, as he spins on the floor to face Steve like a cornered animal.

Steve takes in a steadying breath. He doesn’t move, even though the muscles in his arms and legs are practically twitching from the effort.

“Don’t… touch me…” Loki repeats, weakly. He’s kneeling on the floor now, hunched over his shaking hands.

It kills Steve to do so, but he manages to remain seated on the bed. He watches, more fascinated than what is probably appropriate given the situation, as the blue slowly begins to recede from Loki’s skin. Loki still doesn’t move even when his usual, pale colour is fully restored, but Steve begins to make his way to the other man, until he is crouching right next to him.

“Are you okay now?” he asks softly.

“I… I’m sorry.” Loki still doesn’t look up. “Go back to bed, you need your rest. I’ll leave.”

“No Loki, look-” Steve sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “You don’t have to tell me what your nightmare was about. You don’t even have to tell me why you suddenly turned blue. It’s just… I had a nightmare too. And I’m going to the kitchen to get some water. Will you come with me?”

Loki hesitates for a moment, but then he nods.

They sit together in complete silence in the kitchen for what feels an eternity, before Steve finally speaks up.

“I don’t think I’ve had that nightmare in years.” In his peripheral vision he notices that he catches Loki’s attention. “The plane. Crashing it into the ice.” Steve smiles wryly. “Most people assume that I got knocked out by the impact. But I was awake for the whole thing. When the cockpit flooded… my arms and legs were broken from the crash, but I could already feel them knitting together even as I was running out of oxygen.

“I don’t know what got to me first- the cold, or the lack of air.”

It feels weird, but also strangely relieving to tell this to Loki. The only other person he’d ever mentioned this to was the therapist that SHIELD provided him after he’d first woken up. The therapist had nodded in understanding even though Steve could see her thinly-veiled horror, but Loki is merely looking at him with alert and assessing eyes. A far cry from the wild look he’d sported earlier.

“I’m sorry,” Loki finally says. “I must’ve been the cause of that. My Jotunn form… the cold…”

“Jotunn?” Steve asks, latching onto the unfamiliar term.

Loki doesn’t say anything for a moment, but then he sighs.

“Well as you know, I’m adopted,” he begins with a humourless smile. “Jotunn. Not Asgardian. What you saw just then is my true form, if you will. A monstrous, hideous creature of the cold- even the touch of our skin gives our enemies ice burn.”

Steve frowns.

“But you’re not monstrous or hideous,” he says.

Loki stares at him, then laughs, a tad hysterically.

“You would say that about someone who made you relive your own nightmares? Someone who attempted to enslave your race? Or did our little game of pretend make you forget that already?”

“It was an accident,” Steve says. “If it makes you feel better, I broke a bedside table once because of a nightmare. And as for New York…” Steve sighs, and looks Loki in the eye. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive that. But in case I haven’t made it obvious enough, I’m trying to move on from it. And I know that you’re definitely trying to move on from it too. I think that’s what matters for now.

“And besides,” Steve tries to smile. “I don’t think it’s possible for you to look hideous.”

Loki narrows his eyes.

“Steve,” he says warningly, but Steve only laughs.

“Oh, so you’re the only one allowed to compliment me on my appearance?” Loki’s pinched expression prompts the edges of Steve’s lips to quirk upwards in amusement, and he adds, “I honestly don’t think you looked bad- just different. But just as beautiful as you usually do.”

Steve nearly slaps himself when the last part accidentally slips out. He fervently prays for himself to spontaneously develop the ability to vanish from existence when Loki stares at him with wide eyes. But just before Steve can backtrack, give an excuse, anything, Loki clears his throat.

“And what exactly do you mean by that?” Loki’s expression is carefully blank, and Steve feels his heart pounding so fast he’s surprised he hasn’t passed out yet.

This is so stupid. He hasn’t even had the time to really think about the… feelings he’s been having for the other man.

And yet-

“I want to stop pretending,” Steve suddenly blurts out, and god damn it, what is wrong with him?

Loki goes completely expressionless.

“What.”

Steve licks his lips nervously, but he refuses to avert his gaze.

“I want to stop pretending because I want it to be real,” he ploughs on, because that’s his only option now. “I… I don’t think I’ve been pretending, to be honest. At least not for a while.”

Shock and surprise flood Loki’s face and he stares at Steve as if he’s seeing him for the first time.

“Steve…” he begins, but he trails off, still struck speechless.

“I’m sorry if that’s not what you want,” Steve quickly says. “We can forget this conversation ever happened.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Loki scoffs before surging forward and capturing his lips in a kiss.

Steve tries to put all of his feelings- the unstoppable urge to smile or laugh when he sees Loki do the same, the way his heartbeat accelerates in his presence, and the pure ecstasy that this is happening, this is real- into the kiss. It seems to work, because he feels Loki smile against his lips in response.

They break off briefly, but Steve runs his hand down Loki’s hair and grabs a fistful of it, using the grip to tug him down again. Loki follows without complaint, even moaning into Steve’s mouth in response.

They continue kissing, again and again, until the darkness outside bleeds away into dawn.

“You know,” Steve says, as the commercial break begins. “I think Thor tried to give me the shovel talk.”

Loki shifts on the couch next to him to stare at him incredulously.

“Shovel talk?”

“The ‘If you hurt him, I’ll hurt you’ talk.” Steve pauses. “Except I think he was trying to tell me that if I hurt you, then you’d ruin my life.”

“You Midgardians and your strange ways with words,” Loki mutters, almost fondly. “Thor is unbelievable, so of course he did that. What else did he say?”

“Uh.” Steve suddenly regrets bringing this up at all. “He mentioned the Grandmaster?”

The colour abruptly drains from Loki’s face. He grabs the nearest cushion and promptly buries his face into it.

“For fuck’s sake, Thor. ”

[frasier-crane-style]

Black Panther

It was okay.

-Just about every post or review I’ve seen of this has started with some variant of “I’m a white guy, so I can’t imagine what this means to black people,” which I find a little patronizing. If it meant a lot to you, I’m not going to denigrate that--although part of me thinks that some of that’s due to a cynical marketing campaign positioning this as the first movie that’s ever had black people in it. Just know that I can’t speak to how important a movie is to the black experience, either for or against, I can only speak to how I enjoyed it and what I thought of its various elements. 

-I liked most of the cast, I thought a lot of the way they visualized Wakanda managed to pull off the “grass huts and forcefield” level of technology Jack Kirby envisioned without coming off as cheesy--even if it doesn’t quite fit to the Hudlin, Wakanda has always been advanced, backstory (in the comics, there are giant panther mecha. In the movie, there are... rhinos with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads). I thought the Korea action sequence was good, as well as parts of the final battle--the action ranges from bad (the opening fight) to good, but I don’t think it’s ever as visceral as Cap and Bucky storming through a SWAT team, a throwaway moment that now comes across as a highwater mark in a genre of Homecomings and Ragnaroks.

-Some people have said that T’Challa was boring, I thought the character and the acting was fine in a story that didn’t give him a lot to do (see below). I’d rather have a quiet, Zen Black Panther then see Tacoma Whippits turn him into a joke machine, and the obligatory bits in the first half where he has to act like a dork so we in the audience “relate to him” or whatever are just the worst. You had Feige specifically comparing T’Challa to James Bond, but I don’t remember Sean Connery slipping on a banana peel to tell us viewers that he was a fun guy. Just make the guy a convincingly badass motherfucker, we’ll like him. It worked in Civil War. (This is half a petty nitpick since after the ‘Q’ scene, they knock it off, but still, first impressions are important.)

-Petty nitpick department: For a genius, you’d think Shuri would realize that it’d be a lot easier to launch jeep-disabling weapons from the jet instead of making them into tiny little beads that you have to throw as you fall out of a plane. Even Batman just goes ahead and puts a gun on the Batwing, you know.

-They make this big point of how advanced Wakanda is, but it really doesn’t seem that much more advanced than what SHIELD and Tony Stark have. Like, what’s the difference between a Quinjet and whatever Wakanda’s version of a Quinjet is? The Black Panther suit seems less advanced than Iron Man’s stuff. Yeah, you can store it in a necklace, but it can’t shoot repulsor beams, it can’t fly, you have to physically walk around in it instead of being able to pilot it by remote. And the heart-shaped herb is a good biomodification, but it seems on par with Captain America, and not really something that has a mark on the Hulk, Quicksilver, Extremis, or Spider-Man. Kinda seems like the whole country could be taken out by one of those advanced Helicarriers from Winter Soldier. I realize they don’t want to make these guys too op, otherwise the next Spider-Man would end with Peter calling in a Dora Milaje to take out Venom for him, but it makes the Wakandans come off as a bit sheltered. “My Vibranium armor makes me bulletproof!” “Yeah, we have this Luke Cage guy, his skin does that.”

-Half of the plot seemed kinda... pointless? This has been out three weeks, so I feel safe in discussing spoilers--why couldn’t Erik just show up in Wakanda and challenge T’Challa in the first five minutes? Hell, why didn’t he show up before Civil War and challenge T’Chaka’s old ass? Seems like that would’ve been easier, plus, that was the guy who actually killed his father. 

-I guess Killmonger’s plan was... and much of this wasn’t presented as such, so I’m just hypothesizing...

Phase 0: Wait for T’Chaka to die so Wakanda is vulnerable during the transition of power. Don’t, like, set out to assassinate him yourself, even though that seems perfectly doable. Just, you know, hope you get lucky.

Phase 1: Dangle Klaw in front of T’Challa’s face with a vibranium selling plot, then sabotage his attempt at capturing him to weaken T’Challa’s position within Wakanda. (No idea how T’Challa couldn’t find Klaw before when the Avengers and Ultron were able to do it with ease in AoU. I guess T’Chaka really was lying down on the job there.)

(-I’ve seen it suggested that T’Chaka let Klaw run free as a way of covering up N’Jobu’s death, but it seems like A. there’s no way Klaw could’ve known that much about it, B. it’d be far safer to just find him and kill him on the spot, and no Wakandan would question it.)

Phase 2: Kill Klaw himself to gain favor with the Wakandans, which will work, and cause T’Challa’s lifelong best bud to turn against him (even knowing that Erik was responsible for Phase 1).

Phase 3: Defeat T’Challa in battle. Phases 2 and 3 are now pointless since all of Wakanda is now honorbound to follow you.

-Speaking of, if you’re some superpowered guy in a supersuit, I should think you could pull off disarming some jabroni with a gun without stabbing him in the heart. I mean, Spider-Man does that five times a day, and he’s fifteen. I guess the implication was that they Jack Ruby’d him? But then Marvel doesn’t want to dirty up Wakanda that much, so...

-I get Erik’s dad smuggling vibranium out of Wakanda, but why would he partner with a racist psychopath like Klaw to do it? You’d think a prince pulling an inside job could set up something a little better. It’s the Marvel universe! There must be like fifty supervillains he could’ve called up.

-Didn’t like that T’Challa’s big fight with Klaw, his arch-nemesis, was Klaw getting in one hit that BP no-sold, then just winning. That’s John Cena bullshit.

-There’s no way in hell I buy that a week after her father is murdered in a terrorist bombing, the unbearable Shuri is making quips about her brother having a girlfriend, much less stopping a religious ceremony to crack wise. Imagine Princess Di interrupting a royal wedding to moon people. Now remember that Wakanda is supposed to be way more honorbound and traditionalist than Britain.

-The whole resurrection of T’Challa thing makes no sense. So, Erik has taken over Wakanda and burned all but one of the heart-shaped herbs. So, since only the royal family can take the herb and become a Black Panther, Shuri has to step up... no? She just kinda follows along while they take it to M’Baku to make him the new Black Panther? But conveniently he’s saved T’Challa so they can give him the herb and immediately repower him.

-And if M’Baku’s people are such Luddites, how come they’re able to take on the Vibranium weaponry of W’Kabi’s guys? Do they also have Vibranium weapons? If so, where exactly are they drawing the line? Is a sword that can cut through Iron Man okay, but not a flying car? (Yes, I know there’s an explanation about jabbari wood in the EU, but they could at least put in one line about it so we know how it works without reading the novelization.)

-For a country that’s apparently super committed to isolationism, Wakanda really easily gets on board with Plan Imperialism. I guess most of the Wakandan people are morally inferior to the Asgardians, since even in Ragnarok’s hatchet-job, most of them were depicted as either actively resisting Hela’s imperialism or being cowed by her army.

-And no, don’t say the Wakandans were honorbound to follow Erik, because T’Challa specifically shows up in front of everyone and says that the duel isn’t finished, so a whole parcel of them are deliberately choosing Erik over T’Challa, despite Erik being this outsider, out-of-wedlock, blasphemous murderer they’ve never seen before... who is also obviously a psycho.

-It just seems like Wakanda goes really quickly from being one hundred percent behind T’Challa to going “You’re weak! Erik is strong! We need a strongman to lead us otherwise we’ll get our asses kicked!” I don’t buy that the Klaw fiasco is enough to totally torpedo T’Challa and make Erik untouchable.

-I mean, it’s the same basic plot as the first Thor, only there it works because the Asgardians don’t know just how much of a weasel Loki is, plus he goes to the trouble of setting Thor up first. 

-I got it, the issue is that this is based on the Don McGregor storyline where T’Challa had been away from Wakanda for a long time, serving on the Avengers and macking on gaijin Monica Lynne, so all of Wakanda was pissed at him and willing to hear this Killmonger guy out. But in the movie, he hasn’t done any of that, so it comes off as forced and contrived that all of a sudden, Wakanda is telling T’Challa to get to fuck.

-In fact, wouldn’t it make sense for Killmonger to factor M’Baku into his plans and take advantage of that tribe in some way? Since that’s one of the few things he could conceivably know about Wakanda (he really got lucky that W’Kabi was the first Wakandan he came across and totally sympathetic to a coup by a complete stranger).

-I guess the implication is that W’kabi and a lot of other Wakandans want to take over the world as some mix of maybe well-intentioned extremism, warrior pride, and garden-variety ambition, and they’re just following Killmonger because he can sign the papers. Which, when you think about it, makes Killmonger the black Donald Trump and his followers the Republican Party--”yeah, sure, he killed one priest, but he’s passing our tax bill, so...”--but I guess we’re going to skip straight from that take to him being a weeb?

-(That’s not really an issue with the film so much as a lot of the audience--not black people, but, like, Tumblr in general--deciding ahead of time exactly how they were going to feel about the movie and all its characters, which seems crazy to me. Like, why even go see the movie? But, not the movie’s fault, fanthings bein’ fanthing.)

-I thought the whole Okoye/W’kabi relationship was underdeveloped--at the end, when she stands up to him, I was like “oh, yeah, those two are A Thing.” I can’t imagine how much more forced taking the time to say Ayo--who is pretty much just the third Dora from the left here--is specifically in a lesbian relationship would be. So that’s a free pass from me for this stupid “gay representation controversy”. Even the T’Challa/Nakia thing felt pretty half-hearted and obligatory. The character of Nakia is alright, I was just never sure why these two in particular are into each other besides him being hot and her being hot (especially when the one thing we know about them is that their worldviews fundamentally disagree). Maybe she’s just the only woman T’Challa knows who A. has hair, B. isn’t related to him.

-In fact, it’s weird how the entire conflict in the movie is really between isolationism and outreach, yet there’s really no character representing or arguing for isolationism, not even any of the villains. T’Challa, I guess, but obviously he changes his mind. It seems like there should be a ‘devil on his shoulder’ type deal arguing for tradition. I think M’baku should’ve been that--the guy who slinks off into the shadows at the end, warning T’Challa that he’s coming for his ass because he opened up the borders and fucked with resurrection. (Five points to whoever gets that reference.) Instead, the conflict is lopsided because everyone seems to be against isolationism, they’re just differing in how.

-Actually, the whole thing of Wakanda following Killmonger just because he’s won this bullshit trial by combat because it’s tradition, and T’Challa urging them to follow him because it’s the right thing to do, could’ve been an okay take on that conflict, but instead apparently Wakanda legitimately wants to follow Erik and take over the world. And they just don’t spend enough time developing that.

-I also think they don’t spend enough time on T’Challa being depowered and kicked off the throne. It seems like there could be a really cool movie where, in the first fifteen or thirty minutes, Erik Killmonger shows up out of nowhere, kicks T’Challa’s ass, takes over Wakanda, and for the rest of the movie T’Challa is forced to rely on allies like Ross and M’baku who he can’t completely trust or rely on, and he has to fight his own people who are just trying to do the honorable thing, and he has to rethink being the Black Panther and earn that position instead of just having it handed to him. I’m pretty much describing the Don McGregor storyline this was adapted from. But, you know, why would you take that and add all this filler with Klaw and South Korea and such, and then skimp on the actual dramatic material? It’s like a version of Iron Man 3 where Tony’s house doesn’t get blown up until an hour and a half in, and then he immediately calls in the Iron Legion and goes to kick the Mandarin’s ass.

-Speaking of Korea, it seems a bit hypocritical to make this big production of being woke, then to throw in this inaccurate and ‘exotic’ side mission. It just seems like it’d be more thematic for this deal to be happening in Haiti or Jamaica or any other African country, somewhere where they could further comment on the story’s themes and develop them more. Maybe have the setting reflect what some of the characters want in terms of their goals, or fear happening to Wakanda? We kind of get that with the Boko Haram guys in the opening, but they’re dealt with so glibly (like muggers in a Batman movie) that it’s hard to see them as credibly a factor in any character’s thinking. Is T’Challa worried people like that will drag Wakanda down? Is Nakia determined to stop them? Seems like it was just something BP dealt with in ten seconds so he could hang out with this girl he likes.

-It’s funny that they follow in the steps of Ragnarok and Doctor Strange by dirtying up the heroes’ forebears--almost like that plot point is part of some formula 🤔 🤔 🤔 --yet still find time to white-wash a lot of Wakandan society. The Dora Milaje don’t have the underage, wives-in-training aspect. M’Baku and Nakia go from supervillains to frenemy and love interest, respectively. (Yeah, they turn W’kabi into a villain, but he beat his wife in the comics, so that’s not much of a stretch.) And yet, the plot relies on much of Wakanda being horrible people--willing to conquer the world, but not accept refugees. It’s a weird mix of utopianism and ‘uh, yeah, we still need to have a plot where the villain isn’t immediately dogpiled by all the average citizens who don’t like hyperwar.” Again, the Don McGregor storyline makes a point of Wakanda being a flawed, imperfect society, so it makes sense that Killmonger can take it over, but the movie is making the exact opposite point--Wakanda is so advanced and it’s so wonderful--and the plot doesn’t work anymore.

-To go into fanfic territory, it probably would’ve worked better if there were a significant amount of Wakandans who were pissed at T’Challa for letting Zemo live, because traditionally, someone who’d killed the King of Wakanda would be done, so it’s another divergence between what T’Challa finds moral and his country’s traditions. Just have M’baku say “you let your father’s killer live!” instead of “you failed to protect your dad!” 

-I’ve also seen it suggested that Killmonger’s master plan could’ve involved finding Zemo, springing him from American custody, and then delivering him to Wakanda. That sounds a lot stronger, but it would also result in Zemo necessarily being taken off the board, and even a bastardized Zemo seems too important to the Marvel Unnie for that. Maybe he could have a cousin who’s really into their family history?

-I think there were a few too many characters in this story. Most of the ‘strong female characters’ just seemed to spend the finale getting their asses kicked by Killmonger, while Ross’s Top Gun moment seemed pointless when--if T’Challa won--it seems like he could just order the transport to turn back... what, were they going to start World War 3 the moment they left Wakanda’s borders?

-Like, did Angela Bassett actually do anything in this movie? 

-Shuri, for instance, I think was so clearly intended to be ‘the meme one’ and just ended up ill-fitting in the MCU’s realistic milieu. I mean, this is a universe where Peter Parker isn’t much of a science nerd, he has a ‘guy at the computer’ to do his hacking for him and an AI to help him out and all that. Then over in Wakanda, you have a sixteen-year-old super-genius that’s the best scientist in the country and it clearly clashes with the grounded feel of the universe, but they just plow ahead with it anyway because “oh, it’ll get women interested in STEM, it’ll show black girls can do anything.” And she actually gets the better of T’Challa and razzes him with her ‘witty one-liners.’ I just find it really condescending. She’s basically a black female Wesley Crusher.

-Petty nitpick department: The first stinger is a dog. They end the movie SHOWING that T’Challa is revealing Wakanda to the world and using its technology and wealth to help out the underprivileged. Cool, got it, very clearly established all of that. Then after the first set of credits, we get a scene of... T’Challa going before the UN and TELLING that Wakanda is being revealed to the world and yadda yadda. It seems like the more natural scene would be him going up to Tony Stark or whatever and saying “hey, I’m joining the Avengers, and the next time there’s a problem, count me in!” But they cheaped out on getting RTD, so instead it’s just a less visually interesting presentation of a plot point we’ve already covered. This in a movie that was already very long and apparently left out crucial plot scenes.

-It’s also strange to have him give this big speech about how we’re all one tribe and we all have to come together, but a lot of his team seems at least casually racist? Like, you don’t see T’Challa saying “hey, M’baku, Ross was being pretty polite in addressing you, you didn’t need to bark at him like a dog just because he’s white” or “hey, sis, Ross is actually a buddy of mine and a pretty cool dude, maybe you shouldn’t greet him by calling him a racial slur?” I’m just saying, you wouldn’t see an X-Men movie where Jubilee is an unrepentant homophobe and all of the other mutants are cool with it.

-They set up that BP’s big special move is absorbing kinetic injury and then blasting it back out again, only it isn’t really clear how much he can take before it starts hurting him, if it ever hurts him. Like, could the Hulk punch him, then he gets up and walks it off, or would that break every bone in his body but leave his suit all glowy? I get that Captain America’s shield is unbreakable, so is BP walking around in an entire suit of that? And wouldn’t that make him invincible/boring? And for such a tactician of a character, they don’t really have him find any clever ways of using it, he just gets hit, uses the blast, moving on. You’d think there would be a scene where he does something counterintuitive or painful, but it’s just him thinking three steps ahead and charging up this power so he can use it at a crucial moment. 

-It also adds to the video game feeling of a lot of the already pixel-y action scenes that he literally has a rage meter limit break thing.

-Petty nitpick department: The movie characterizes both Klaw and Killmonger as Joker-style wisecrackers, which makes me wonder what they’ll do for villains in a sequel, since that’s Reverend Achebe’s thing and he’s about the last big villain in Black Panther canon who isn’t either dead in the MCU or adapted into an ally. And three evil Cockney jokesters in a row seems like a lot.

(-I’ve heard Dr. Doom suggested for a villain, but I kinda doubt Marvel would job out T’Challa/Wakanda to him, and Doom really needs a W if he’s going to be Doom.)

-I also don’t think the movie really engaged with its premise of depicting an African society that had never been colonized. In the real world, racial dynamics vary enormously from America to Europe to Japan, but Wakanda pretty much has the same viewpoints that African-Americans would have: resenting white people, using American idioms (”Guess who just popped up on the radar?”), even quoting American memes. It seems like in real life, Wakanda would be more concerned with the rest of Africa instead of being obsessed with America. I mean, in the comic books, you had Wakandans with this sense of jingoism, who resent all outsiders, no matter their skin color. Them making a distinction between white Americans and black Americans (for instance) comes off like pandering.

-Like, they start off the movie with BP fighting Nigerian slavers who have taken a number of women hostage and conscripted child soldiers, and obviously BP is against that, but how does Killmonger feel about those guys? Zuri? M’baku? Black people oppressing black people in Africa seems like a more immediate concern than police shootings all the way over in Oakland, but the whole idea seems too complex to factor into this white oppression dynamic, so they just use them as action scene fodder and move on to black people oppressed, white people mean. Maybe that’s supposed to be Killmonger being hypocritical and prioritizing stuff that reminds him of his own suffering over other issues, but that needs to be played out in the text.

-Because it seems like a really obvious counterpoint to Killmonger that there are political situations much more complex than “evil oppressors vs. innocent oppressed”--just look at the Middle East--and hence his simplistically violent philosophy is doomed to fail. Instead, the movie kinda concedes that his position is right, he’s just going about it in the wrong way. Which I think is intellectually dishonest.

-Petty nitpick department: They have an entire bit about how Shuri has designed these soundproof boots for T’Challa, but he never uses them. In accordance with the rule of Chekov’s Gun, which states that if you show a gun in the first act, then in the third act, it should turn out that it’s only purpose was to be a dumb joke.

-Petty nitpick department: So this takes place immediately after Civil War, and Civil War ended with Captain America in Wakanda, but then they never mention him in this and he doesn’t seem to be hanging around. I guess he’s off freeing all his buddies from the Raft during all this? But then the stinger of this is Bucky having been revived, and he was frozen again in the stinger to Civil War. So I guess it goes Civil War >>> Black Panther >>> the stinger of Civil War >>> the stinger of Black Panther? Usually when continuity is this convoluted, Han is still alive.

[feynites]

Brunnhilde

Okay I think this is my last Thor fic.

...Probably.

......Maybe. We’ll see.

It has been a long, long time since anyone called Brunnhilde by her name.

She can’t even remember the last time, in fact. Among the Valkyries, ‘sister’ was a more common term of address. Even when it wasn’t, she had ended up bearing the same name as the commander of her order. The two Brunnhilde’s. Her stern commander, cold as a star-filled evening; soft and sweet as moonlight. And herself. Sunny, dedicated, impatient Brunnhilde, who loved her summer wines too well, and her commander far too well.

Not that anyone had minded, in the end.

When necessary, most of the Valkyries had called her Hildie, to keep the confusion away. But ‘sister’ was still more common. And ‘beloved’, too, whispered in words that have kept a place in a corner of her heart. Under lock and key, where they can only whisper to her in the dead of night. After all the noise and the lights have become too much, and she cannot keep it all at bay any longer.

The Grandmaster, of course, has his numbers. To his guard she is ‘bitch’, and to many of her rivals it’s mostly the same. Numbers and insults and sometimes compliments, whenever someone is trying to butter her up.

After Asgard falls, she is ‘Valkyrie’.

Of course. She is the only one left. There’s no need to clarify things any further, and no one seems bothered to ask for a name. Of Asgard’s survivors, she recognizes only one face. And she never knew Heimdall very well – never knew most of the Vanir. He keeps to himself on the ship, too. They’ve only seen each other a few times, and the look in his strange eyes – like they were seeing straight through her – kept her moving.

She’s not sure if she’s happy that someone else from before is around, or if she kind of wishes it’d been more of a clean sweep for the old timers.

And… shit.

Well.

She’s an old-timer too, now.

Sakaar had a way of making time pass differently. Not totally differently. But… differently. She’s not really sure how old she is, anymore.

Not that it’s a big deal. But it’s strange to walk among what’s left of Asgard, and have no frame of reference for a lot of the things people are talking about. For the dead being mourned, and the events being debated. Shit, she doesn’t even know if Odin left any more spawn hanging around, waiting to crop up at the next inconvenient point in time. When she asks Thor, he says ‘no’ at first. But then he gets a deeply concerned look on his face, and excuses himself to go find Heimdall.

He does that a lot.

She’s pretty sure that the throne is actually more or less in Heimdall’s hands, right now. Which is fine by her. At least someone seems to have the first clue of what the hell they’re doing.

Going to Midgard, she reminds herself. The last time she was on Midgard was four thousand years ago. Pretty place. Boring place. Kind of depressing – the people had really short lifespans, and they were all like Bruce in terms of resilience. Tissue paper people.  But, without the Hulk.

Unless… they all do that, now…

She veers away from asking Thor about potential Odinspawn to go and ask Bruce if the refugees of Asgard are heading for a planet full of people who can just turn green and throw them around like ragdolls. Because honestly that doesn’t really seem like the ideal safe harbour. She heard about a lot of places on Sakaar. Other realms, other planets. With a little digging they might even be able to find one that’s uninhabited.

She finds Bruce on the bridge. Trying to figure out more of the ship’s working parts. He is smart, she’ll grant that. The universe probably had to offer the tissue paper people a few things to make up for the two-minute lifespans. And, of course, thousands of years of living under Asgard’s ‘protection’.

Bruce blinks up at her with a look that says he’s been reading glowing script for more than six hours, probably. Or that he’s been drinking, but, he doesn’t tend to imbibe. Near as she can tell.

“So just to check a thing – are you the only mortal who does the thing, or is that normal for your people?” she asks, twirling her hand in a way that’s meant to indicate ‘turning green and becoming an unstoppable force of destruction’.

Bruce blinks, and takes a minute to process her question. He looks confused, and then incredulous.

“The – you mean, turning into the Hulk? You’re asking me if that’s normal?” he checks.

She nods. Already kind of guessing at the answer based on his response.

“No,” he confirms. “That’s not normal. That’s… no, not even a little bit.”

“So everyone else on your planet is just, like, Bruce Banner levels of threatening?”

Bruce hesitates.

“Um,” he says. “Uh. Well, no… yes? I mean, it’s not like I’m not a potential threat as Bruce Banner. Intellect is of course the most potent tool and the most dangerous weapon that anyone can wield. Uh, case in point – one of the most prominent people on our planet is Tony Stark. Who… you won’t have heard of, of course, but he’s an inventor. He made this suit. Robot suit. Well not really a robot suit that’s a colloquial oversimplification-”

“Got it. Lots of nerds,” she sums up. “But you’re the only Hulk?”

Bruce nods, and then hesitates a little.

She waits.

This is seeming a lot like the question about potential Odinspawn. It’s a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ but apparently at some point after the fall of the Valkyries, people throughout the universe just stopped asking important questions.

…Not that she can get on her high horse about that, considering her own decision to just bury her head in the sand, too.

It’s strange. How much it feels like she’s waking up for the first time in…

Four thousand years.

“I am the only Hulk, but, there are some other people who are… stronger than average,” Bruce concludes.

“How much stronger?” she presses. It’s only practical to know what they’re getting into. Especially since most of the people who survived Hela’s assault are non-combatants. Those who never really could have taken up arms against her in the first place. Aesir are hardier and stronger than most, but they’re not all warriors. And resilient physiology only goes so far.

She would know. She wasn’t the only one to end up in Sakaar. Falling off the stray end of a path somewhere. She was just the only one who made it this far.

Bruce tilts his head, thinking.

“Well… There’s Cap. Steve. He could go toe-to-toe with Thor, I can’t actually say who would win in a fist fight. And there was, um. Another project. Like me. He’s gone now, but, it’s been two years. I guess they could have tried again while I was out of it,” he explains.

“So, you’re saying, there could very well be other Hulks on Midgard?” she presses, folding her arms.

Bruce sighs.

“Possibly? Not many. There wouldn’t be much of a planet left if there were,” he insists. “And they’re not ‘Hulks’. Hulk is… well, it’s a thing, sure, but it’s also kind of like a name. He picked it. I don’t know why, so don’t ask.”

“Hulk’s your name?” she checks. That was what she had thought to begin with, but the way Bruce talks about it…

He shakes his head.

“Hulk’s his name,” he insists. “Not that we’re… we’re not really separate beings, I guess. Except that we are. It’s complicated.”

Awkward silence descends.

After a moment, Bruce lets out a breath.

“Kind of weird to think I spent two years living on an alien planet, and no one there even knew my name,” he muses. “I was just ‘Hulk’ to you all.”

She hesitates. A weird feeling in her chest. Two years is hardly anything to an immortal. But, maybe to a tissue paper person, it feels like a lot more. And time on Sakaar can be strange in more than one direction.

“Don’t worry about it,” she tells him. “No one on Sakaar knew my name, either. And I was there a lot longer.”

Bruce frowns a little.

“No one?” he asks. “That can’t be right…”

She raises an eyebrow at him.

“What’s my name?” she asks.

He opens his mouth, like he has an answer. And then he hesitates. She wonders if his brain is stuttering over one of Hulk’s nicknames, or if he’s trying to grasp it and failing. After a few minutes, though, he gives up, and settles on an embarrassed look.

“See?” she concludes, and turns to leave.

“Well, wait, though – what is your name?” he asks.

In hindsight, she should have seen that coming. Her strides falter, just a little. It’s a simple question. And it’s not like she’s forgotten. It’s still there, in the back of her mind. On the tip of her own tongue. Lurking in the hollow of her throat, like a scream that won’t come loose. Brunnhilde, I’m Brunnhilde, I’m a person, dammit, I’m not a fucking number, I’m…

But it’s not so much the thought of hearing someone say her name, as it is the thought of hearing someone say her name, that’s keeping it under her tongue.

Brunnhilde.

Maybe it’s not even the thought of hearing it. Maybe it’s just the reality of having to say it.

Well. No one lives for thousands of years on Sakaar without learning how to cheat.

“My friends called me Hildie,” she tells Bruce. Glancing back towards him. And it comes with only a little strain. Only a small twinge, like pressing on an old bruise.

“Hildie?” Bruce asks, surprised. He laughs a bit.

She raises an eyebrow at him.

“What’s so funny?” she wonders.

“Nothing,” he assures her. “It’s just… it’s a very sweet sort of name. I like it. I wouldn’t have guessed it, but… it suits you.”

She takes a moment to tell, but, she doesn’t think he’s making fun of her. And she supposes he has a point. Hildie was the name of a Valkyrie sister, a warrior-in-training, someone still new to riding her winged steed when Hela knocked it out of the sky. It’s the kind of name one of her sisters might groan, while leaning against her shoulder. Sore from some battlefield injury, and playing it up a little to get some treat or drink smuggled in.

A name for someone with friends.

“Maybe it’ll fit better again, with some time,” she suggests.

Time that’s finally moving forward, now.

She leaves Bruce, and goes to see if Loki might know more about any hidden bastards of Odin’s. A Valkyrie’s duty is to protect the people and throne of Asgard, after all. If she’s going to do that, she’s going to need to know what else they might be up against.

[hela-avenger]

poison & wine- part 14

Author: hela-avenger

Word Count: 1494

Summary: Prince Loki of Asgard is in need of a date to take back home. That’s where you come in with a task of your own to make the whole trip with an insufferable prince worth it. Too bad that things don’t always go as planned and you end up giving more than you can take. Fake-Dating AU.

A/N:  Things are getting good! There’s more drama to come so stay tuned. Also thanks for reading everyone. I love seeing all your excited comments! Please let me know if you’ll like to be tagged!

Hela-Avenger Masterlist

“You don’t know who your father is?!” 

You let out a sigh at the sound of Loki’s alarmed voice in the room. You had failed to notice his appearance and you blamed the magical doors that apparently allowed anyone inside without hesitation. 

“Have you ever heard of knocking?” you ask. “Perhaps maybe privacy?” 

“You had me believe you knew who your father was,” Loki states in annoyance.

“It’s not my fault you fell for my lie,” you shrug confused as to why he was so worked up by your revelation. “Though it really wasn’t a lie. You made an assumption and didn’t think of confirming it.” 

Loki rolls his eyes at your technicality not amused at your current tactic to get under his skin. 

“Then what is the purpose of all this? Why are you even here?” 

“Because I do want information on my father such as who he is,” you clarify. “And I want to meet him.”

“I didn’t sign up for this...” 

“Yes, you did! You made a deal!” 

Loki opens his mouth to argue this further but Frigga steps in. 

“You two are being quite loud,” Frigga calmly states. “I understand that this revelation isn’t what we were all hoping for but we must plan accordingly. Y/N is still in need of your protection, Loki, and because you made a deal with her, you will honor it.”

Frigga turns to look at you with a promising expression. 

“We will find who your father is and we will protect you along the way.” 

“Thank you,” you whisper. 

Frigga nods in response and turns back to look at Loki.

“Now, why have you come unannounced to my chambers, son?” Frigga asks. “You interrupted a private conversation.” 

Loki scowls at being reprimanded but doesn’t comment on it. 

“Odin has asked for Y/N,” Loki states. “He wishes for our courtship to follow Asgardian traditions which means…”

“He wants to offer his blessing,” Frigga frowns. “And more…” 

You scowl at the addition and wonder what you could have possibly signed up for. As if sensing your concern, Frigga turns to you and offers you an encouraging smile.

“Don’t fret,” she tells you. “All will be explained.” 

This doesn’t assure you at all. Being called to speak to Odin about your courtship with no preparation at all was just a recipe for disaster. 

“Now you two get going,” Frigga orders. “If you waste more time, Odin will grow suspicious.” 

You don’t need to be told twice and Loki is quick to offer his arm for you to take. You slip your hand to the crook of his arm and allow him to escort you out. The silence you’re met with after should have been a reprieve except you knew Loki was still reeling from your revelation.

“I’m sorry I tricked you,” you find yourself apologizing to him. “I just… I knew this would be the reaction.” 

“I don’t care.” 

“Well it seems like you do,” you point out. “You’re upset.” 

Loki’s scowl deepens and you don’t understand why he’s taken such offense. 

“Why are you so upset?” 

“I’m tired of people making a fool of me,” Loki grits out as he glared down at you. “I may be the God of Lies but that doesn’t mean I enjoy being lied to.” 

“You know you’re being hypocritical seeing as you lied to me first,” you argue. “You manipulated me into this courtship by withholding vital information. Your mother herself said you even have your own selfish reasons in doing so… so don’t act so hurt when I’ve been playing this game the same way you are.”

Loki’s glare is still intense but the tension in his body disappears. You had a point. You knew you had a point. And you knew he hated that you were right. 

“We will discuss this later,” Loki sighs out. “For now, act happy and in love with me.”

You immediately take a deep breath and smile softly up at him. 

“Is that loving enough for you?” 

“You’re insufferable,” Loki mutters as he turns away from you. “Now keep up. We’re about to have quite an audience.” 

You hope he’s lying to you this time, but he isn’t. The moment you enter the courtyard, there is a brief moment of silence before whispers take its place. All eyes are on you and Loki causing you to hold on to him a little tighter.  

Surprisingly enough, he looks down at you with a soft smile and raises your hand to press a light kiss on it. You almost believe he’s being sincere but you are reminded that this is all a lie. Either way, the act eases you enough that you are able to ignore the whispers that uttered your name and continue forward. 

Loki leads you to the throne room where you find King Odin waiting. He remains as serious as you first met him. His gaze picking you apart in the few seconds that you’ve been in his presence. 

“Lady Y/N,” he greets. 

“Your majesty,” you greet in return as you offer a slight bow. 

“Thank you for coming,” Odin states, his expression never wavering. “It seems like my son left a few details out last night when we first met.” 

You can’t help but glance over at Loki unsure of how you were meant to respond to that. 

“Odin, do not accuse her…” 

You squeeze Loki’s arm in alarm. You didn’t know what you would do if they both got into an argument at this moment. 

“Forgive me… forgive us for keeping the information secret. It was a decision we both agreed on when Loki decided to bring me to Asgard,” you interrupt him. “We were… We were unsure of how you would take it and in all honesty, I was scared enough to be here as a guest. Loki didn’t want to add more onto my plate so we decided to keep this to ourselves.” 

Odin hums at your response. His expression softening slightly as he considered your words. 

“I can’t forgive you,” Odin states, causing you and Loki to tense in alarm. “For there is nothing to forgive you for. I understand your unique situation and I wish nothing but happiness for the both of you. That said, you have my blessing under one simple condition.” 

You glance over at Loki in apprehension but he just scowls in annoyance. 

“Your relationship may be advanced in Midgardian tradition but I wish to see it under the structure of courtship in Asgard.” 

Loki lets out an exasperated sigh but knew better than to argue with Odin at the moment.  

“There will be certain traditions I hope you may follow,” Odin explains with a smile that you can’t help but believe be of amusement. “We will start simple with an act of gift giving and then progress to banquets so you may introduce your relationship to Asgardian society. From there, well… we shall see if you’ll reach the next stage.” 

You try to make sense of what he’s requesting. It seems simple enough that you don’t understand why Odin believed your lie would collapse before then. 

“Loki honoring our tradition, you will give Lady Y/N a blade crafted for her use only,” Odin states. “As for you, Lady Y/N, it is tradition that a woman shall give her partner a handmade shirt for him to wear. You will show off these gifts of affection on your first banquet which will be two nights from now.”

That was a quick turnaround and you now realized the king was hoping to set you up to fail. You didn’t understand the urgency of doing so but you knew that those secrets that Loki has been hiding were most likely the answer to your question.  

“I hope that won’t be too much trouble.” 

You were not someone so easily scared off and you enjoyed a good challenge here and there.

“Not at all,” you respond to Odin as you offer him a smile. “If this is what you wish, then so be it.” 

Odin seems to realize that you were no stranger with a battle of authority. Perhaps you and Loki were a true match if that were the case. 

“If that is all, Odin, we wish to retire to our rooms,” Loki states. “It has been quite a day.” 

“Ah yes, you may take your leave,” Odin responds watching as Loki escorts you out. The moment the doors are about to be open he speaks again. “There should be no need of me to remind you that though you may be sharing a room, your actions have consequences. Please do try to avoid another scandal.”

Loki drags you away at Odin’s parting words in fear that you might bite his head off at the accusation made. He was right in doing so as your face had grown red in a mix of embarrassment and anger. 

“Your father’s an ass.” 

Loki could only laugh in agreement.

poison & wine tag: @damalseer​ @just-the-hiddles​ @jessiejunebug​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @smollest-soybean​ @assassinoftheworld​ @readerbandit​ @doyoufeelikeayounggod​ @strangemcuvlogs​ @ha-tep​ @i-dont-know-eiither​ @gene-king​ @day-dreaming-fox​ @bn-studies​ @is-it-madness​ @sigyn-njorddottir​ @devilbat​ @victor-criss-bish​ @skinny-macncheese​ @musicconversedance​ @baby-bunnyxn​ @fandoms-allovertheplace​ @marvelloonie​ @jinxjinxednova​ @queenmuahaha​

Loki Tag: @unicorniorosacomefrutillas​ @thesilentbluesparrow​ @oddly-drawn-muse​ @josiehosiedaninja​ @hp-hogwartsexpress​ @sadwaywardkid​ @wolf-lover74​

All Works Tag: @jmb959​ @astudyoftimeywimeystuff​ @hellocookiecutter​ @steve-rogers-personal-hell​ @buckybarnesyard​ @not-zari-tak

[sweetdreamr]

thoughts on thor: ragnarok

I’m gonna preface this by saying that I really really wanted to like this movie. Like. Really.

But, as the Rolling Stones once said, we can’t always get what we want.

Be warned, this is long af.

Hits:

--Valkyrie--um, lethal, gorgeous, haunted by her past? Yes please. I’ve been a sucker for that one since my Xena fangirl days. Her bond with Hulk was also funny and warm (”Angry girl!” made me smile, the more so because she seemed less angry around him.) It was nice to see somebody having fun around here.

--Hela-- Her costume was epic. I was antsy about what they’d do with her clothing, given that it can be pretty, uh, minimal in the comics sometimes. Fortunately that didn’t happen here. She was equal parts scary, funny, and seriously badass, and i enjoyed the parallels between her relationship with Odin, and that of Loki and Thor.

--Grandmaster was fucking hilarious and occasionally cruel, and who knew Jeff Goldblum could rock blue eye makeup like that?

--Fenris. I still wanna pet the puppy. Even undead he is floofy and gorgeous.

--Thor having to see Hulk naked. That’s karma, asshole.

--Loki’s costumes were fantastic, and his ability to be equally resilient yet able to charm his way into the Grandmaster’s good graces (and STAY there, since the Grandmaster is fickle af) is one of the few things about him that stayed in-character.

--It’s nice to see Loki supporting the arts in Asgard. Also, eating healthy is important. U go Loki.

--Matt Damon had the role of a lifetime as Loki. He may as well end his career now, since it’s not gonna get any better than that.

--Odin’s death scene was really beautifully done. Even if Odin suddenly being about to die made no fucking sense. At least he doesn’t seem pissed at Loki, and let us have a nice little moment between them.

--I liked the acknowledgement that Odin’s power and wealth has a really ugly history. For all Asgard’s beauty, it’s built on something truly hideous.

--Loki: “You had ONE JOB.”

--Thor is right about Hulk’s room and its stylistic choices. It was ugly af.

--Literally everything Heimdall. He gets better with every film, but goddamn does he need more scenes. Still, his hair looks great and he’s the unsung hero of the film.

--Thor losing his eye and becoming more like Odin, but hopefully better. Also, harnessing his lightning/thunder powers fucking ruled.

--”Oh? You’re the God of Hammers now?” Odin pls stop making me laugh. I’m trying to hate you over here.

Misses:

Oh boy here we go, strap in kiddies.

--Odin’s power and legacy is shown, as mentioned above, to come from true ugliness, and yet? He doesn’t have to answer for it at all, and instead dies a peaceful death. I liked that scene, don’t get me wrong, but what the fuck?

--Really, Loki? Skurge was the best replacement you could find for Heimdall? Maybe try Ziprecruiter or something next time?

--Thor. Um, has anyone seen this guy? Do you think he knows that some douchebag stole his outfit and is douching his way around the multiverse pretending to be the God of Thunder for most of the film? More on this later.

--Why would the realms have gone to hell after Loki assumed the throne? Nothing in his past within the films indicated to me that he’d be a poor ruler, certainly no worse than Odin. He might get bored with it, and come to dislike it, but Loki can and does do many things he doesn’t particularly like, and does them well. (Exhibit A: playing second fiddle to Thor, etc.)

--How the fuck did Loki’s spell drain Odin of his magic? Also, if Loki is that powerful, how the fuck did Dr. Strange manage to trap him for 30 seconds, let alone 30 minutes?

--Seriously, Odin’s death made no goddamn sense. At all.

--I’m calling a bam on Thor saying “I have a feeling it will all work out fine.” THOR. IT GETS WORSE AFTER YOU SAY THAT. EVERY TIME. STOP.

--Dr. Strange’s cameo was a waste of my fucking time. That’s like 20 minutes of my time that I will never get back. You’d think, being such an experienced actor, that Benedict Cumberbatch’s American accent would be way better, but it sounds awful. Like, really really awful. I’d rather fall for 30 minutes with Loki than have to listen to that auditory nightmare again.

--Who was Hela’s mother? (I mean given that her father is Odin, her mother could be pretty much ANYONE.) Not a big deal that we never found out, but it annoyed me anyway.

--Are we gonna talk about how Hulk has spent the last two years fucking murdering people?

--Also, how the fuck did Odin convince an entire kingdom (or NINE) that his daughter never existed? I’m assuming magic, but as the writers didn’t give enough of a damn to think this was worth explaining, I’m not about to theorize and do their job for them.

--WHY DID I HAVE TO BE SUBJECTED TO HULK’S NAKED ASS? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE HAVING TO SEE THAT WITH MY OWN EYEBALLS. THIS IS NOT OKAY.

--The Warriors Three died the most pointless fucking deaths ever, literally for no goddamn reason. There was no need to kill them off, since it would have been perfectly logical for Thor to send them to various parts of the realms to restore peace. Honestly, the only reason for their deaths that I can fathom would have been to increase Thor’s grief, but we never see him learn of their deaths or mourn them, so that can’t be it. Again, pointless.

Remember when I said I’d talk about Thor’s OOC behavior later? It’s later. And OH BOY do i have a lot to say.

--I’m about to contact the authorities and put in an MIA search for Loki and Thor’s character development. It was nowhere to be seen in this film. They were just tossed straight into their old cycle of betray, threaten, beat up. It’s stupid as fuck, and I’m really fucking annoyed that I have to sit through this again. Sometimes it’s entertaining but at this point? It’s just tedious.

I’d also like to point out that the initial relationship presented to us in the first Thor film was really not that cycle. It’s vaguely hinted at, but not completely spelled out. There was genuine love and affection punctuated by the occasional prank, but that’s pretty much all I got. While I recognize that the cycle is a central theme in the comics, the film versions are very, very different. That said, it makes giving the film characters the storylines of their comic book counterparts is a tricky business that needs to be handled a LOT better than it was here.

Spoiler alert: It was not handled well here. At all.

Oh, then there’s Thor’s repeated line of “That’s what heroes do”, which was reminiscent of this:

Not a great parallel to evoke, guys. I’m just saying.

Because last time I checked, heroes don’t leave their brothers tazed and convulsing on the floor. That’s not a hero move, that’s a dick move. Thor is supposed to have evolved from that, and bringing it back for the sake of punchline just feels like a cheap-ass way of getting laughs. (Yes, there’s the possibility that they planned this together, but again, I’m not wasting my time honeypotting for hack writers.)

I mean, the Thor we’ve been presented with so far is warm-hearted and smarter than most people think, and he does his best to make things right when he fucks up.

Except for this movie, apparently.

Also, while I didn’t mind Loki’s ‘looking out for ME’ mindset (it’s one of the few things that actually made sense--I mean fuck, who else is gonna do it?), Thor’s surprise at it was kind of ridiculous. What the fuck did you expect? It’s like he totally forgot that, at the end of the first film, he realized his role in inflicting damage onto Loki that helped to make him into what he was.

Instead it was like:

Um yes. Yes it fucking does. Does this negate Loki’s choices, or his actions? Fuck no. But it did play a role, so let’s at least acknowledge that, shall we? Having said that, it’s logical to conclude that continuing the same behavior that inflicted the initial damage is counterproductive at best. And a shitty creative choice if ever there was one.

Thor’s anger over Odin’s death, and Loki’s supposed causing of it (albeit intentionally) made sense, (i guess? i didn’t understand Odin’s death scene in case u hadn’t noticed) but it was done in such a weird way. “I hate you, oh no wait let’s banter, oh okay now i’m mad at you again, whoops no i’m not” all throughout the film. Conflicting feelings is one thing, but goddamn, pick a fucking flavor.

Also, what the fuck is Marvel’s issue with portraying psychological trauma? The way they do it, it’s like it isn’t even worth mentioning unless it can be played for laughs. (See: Naked Selvig running around in TDW, without much reference as to why he’s doing that. “Oh he’s naked hahaha”, yeah, let’s not treat this with any sympathy at ALL, good job Marvel.)

And in Loki’s case? Oh God. The whole scene where he sees Hulk again is just. So awful. That it’s played for laughs makes it worse. Loki getting his comeuppance from Hulk during the first film after trying to use him actually had purpose (Loki’s defeat and Hulk’s taking revenge at being used), but since he hasn’t done anything to Hulk during Ragnarok, it’s just not all that funny.

I mean, fucking hell, psychological trauma does have absurdities that can lend their way to humor, but doing it at the expense of the traumatized person is fucked up and gross. Whether or not the traumatized person is a nice person or not really doesn’t come into it. Or at least, it shouldn’t.

Myy good friend @icyxmischief has a lot of meta about this on her blog, and she’s way more eloquent than me, so please go read it. It’s amazeballs.

[criticalpraisefilm]

Top 5 Best and Worst Movies of 2017

Wow, this list was hard to write. Not because I didn’t have enough material, not at all. If anything, I struggled to find films to put on the worst list. Some of the films on the worst side of the list I actually enjoyed, because this year has given us so many fantastic movies. It’s been the best year for films in a long time. In fact, this year has been so good, I’m starting with some Honourable Mentions. Because I can. Honourable Mentions (in no particular order): Power Rangers Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie Logan Lucky The Hitman’s Assassin Baby Driver (newfound casting awkwardness aside) Wonder Woman (wow, how did I not have enough space on this list for Wonder Woman?)

And now, on to the good (and bad) stuff:

5th Best: The LEGO Batman Movie

After saving Gotham again, Batman finds himself struggling to find a purpose in life, when he accidentally adopts a child, and finds himself dealing with that, while trying to stop villains from taking over the world again. It’s hilarious. Get ready to read that a lot on this list, because half of my favourite movies of the year were at least partially comedies, but I really can’t say that much about the movie beyond that it’s full of jokes, and a vast majority of them work. You’ll end up laughing your way through it, which is the best way to watch a silly movie like this. And hey, if you miss half the jokes, that just gives you an excuse to watch it again.

5th Worst: Baywatch

The members of Baywatch have to accept some new recruits into their ranks that stir things up, while dealing with a local new drug ring. I wanted to enjoy this movie, because when it’s being funny, it’s pretty damn funny, and Dwayne Johnson doesn’t know how not to be entertaining. But I just couldn’t because it wasn’t funny often enough, and when it wasn’t funny, it was painfully unfunny. Maybe good for a few laughs, but nowhere near as successful a comedy as it could and should have been.

4th Best: Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Star Wars happens. Rey trains in the Force with Luke, Finn, Poe, Leia and the rest of the Resistance try not to die, Kylo Ren tries to make them die, it’s all very Star Wars. And it’s good Star Wars, pulling a great number of subversions of overdone Star Wars ideas, and combining enough Original Trilogy familiarity with it’s own originality to produce a great movie. The best Star Wars we’ve had in a long time to be perfectly honest. Carries on the franchise nicely and provides plenty of hope for the future.

4th Worst: The Dark Tower

A Gunslinger and a Man in Black spend a movie trying to kill each other, while psychic child Jake tags along with a Gunslinger to stop the universe from ending. I kinda wish the kid wasn’t there. Nothing against the actor, but the character detracted from the interesting part of the movie, which was the Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughey shooting each other. Unfortunately, said kid was the focus of the movie. Mostly it’s just kinda boring. There’s not a great deal to say about it, because so little feels like it happened. Which is not the route you want to go in a movie where the entire universe is literally being destroyed.

3rd Best: Thor: Ragnarok

Thor and Loki team up again to fight Hela, Goddess of Death. They lose badly and end up on a mostly lawless planet, where Thor meets up with the Hulk, and starts putting together a team to give murdering Hela another shot. I keep hearing different numbers, but apparently a good amount of this movie’s dialogue was improvised, and it feels like it in the best possible way. The jokes, comedic timing, and character interactions are absolutely perfect and wonderful. It doesn’t even try to take itself seriously, and yet still tells an engaging story while being so funny it hurts sometimes.

3rd Worst: Assassin’s Creed

This came out 1st January 2017 in the UK. I’m counting it because this movie sucks. Callum Lynch is executed, and later wakes up to find himself imprisoned by the Abstergo Corporation, who want to use his “genetic memory” to find an artefact that will allow them to take over the world. For something with world-ending stakes, not a lot seemed to happen. Sound familiar? Again, this just turned out being not very interesting for much of the runtime. It’s boring, the plot makes little sense, every character is an asshole, the climax is so underwhelming I didn’t believe the movie was over initially, and it’s just a drag to get through.

2nd Best: The Disaster Artist

Actors Greg Sestero and the indescribable Tommy Wiseau find little success in getting movie roles, so they decide to make their own movie. Called The Room. The rest is history. James Franco’s impression of Tommy Wiseau is scarily uncanny at times, which is what holds up the movie’s comedy because the antics of that man are a sight to behold. The rest of the movie is held together by Dave Franco’s inspired performance as Sestero and the shockingly inspirational themes. If you are a fan of The Room this is a must see. If you are not a fan of The Room, go see The Room, and then see this one.

2nd Worst: American Assassin

Mitch Rapp wants to get revenge on some undefined terrorists, and so joins a super-secret unit of highly trained soldiers dedicated to...taking out terrorists I guess, it isn’t very clear or memorable. The main problem with this movie is the main character: namely, that he’s an idiot who thinks he’s a badass, and unfortunately the movie agrees with him. He constantly does stupid, reckless things that should get him killed, but don’t because he’s the main character. Other than that, it’s a pretty generic action movie with nothing new about it. If it had been about all the ways the main character died because of his stupidity, it would be a much better movie.

Best: Blade Runner 2049

Replicant Blade Runner K stumbles across a secret that could ignite a war between humans and Replicants. He and his holographic partner Joi must make the decision to destroy evidence of the secret, or ignite the spark of revolution. This movie was as perfect a sequel to Blade Runner as we were ever going to get. It looks beautiful, the plot plays out in fantastic style, the characters are all interesting, and the themes and ideas presented are just flawless. This is the best movie I have seen in many, many years, and stands a good chance of being one of my favourite movies ever, if not top of that list.

Worst: Fifty Shades Darker

Anastasia Steele, after making the best decision of her life and breaking up with Christian Grey, completely goes back on that and gets back together with him on the promise that he’ll be better and stuff. Not much else happens. What do I need to say? It’s Fifty Shades: the second one. That name has become synonymous with zero plot, terrible and terribly-written characters, bad pacing, stale writing, and just overall nothing interesting beyond the flat sex scenes. Even if it is much less reprehensible than the first movie, that does not by any stretch make it good, and it is really, really not. This movie should be avoided at any cost.

[veliseraptor]

I did this meme three weeks ago but I feel like I wanna do it again to see if I can corral my brain into cooperating with me. 

Here are my WIPs! Send me a number and I’ll add 150 words to that story or edit for 15 minutes, depending on how complete it is. If I get the same number multiple times, I have to write more for that fic!

Eleven WIPs eligible for this meme (and 11 excerpts) under the read more.

1. And then there was Foster. Jane. There was no question as to what Doom wanted with her - undoubtedly her help using the Tesseract. But she was brave - foolishly brave. Loki would not be surprised if she refused outright. What would Doom do to her then? He couldn’t kill her, not while he needed her. Could he? Would he control her mind as he had tried to do to Loki? Torture her?

Thor would no doubt blame Loki for anything that happened to her. He had threatened her last time they’d seen each other. Loki felt vaguely ill at the reminder, and pushed it hard away. Dr. Foster, he reminded himself, was a detail. Her capture was unfortunate but primarily concerning because of its part in the wider picture.

Take care, Loki, she’d said. I hope you’re wrong. About what Thor might do.

I believe you. Just tell me how I can help.

Forget about her, Loki thought savagely. Focus. (Life in Reverse)

2. Steve wasn’t sure how Sam got everyone to step back and, if not sit down, at least a little further from erupting into violence. He was pretty sure it was some kind of miracle.

Loki placed himself as far from Bucky as possible, still wild-eyed and looking like he was just barely holding together. Bucky stood where he could see the door and the windows as well as Sam, Steve, and Loki, his expression stony. Steve longed to go over to him but planted himself in the middle, equidistant from both Loki and Bucky so if one of them moved he could respond quickly. Hopefully quickly enough.

“Loki,” he said. Loki’s eyes didn’t budge from Bucky, looking like he was about to start vibrating. “Loki,” Steve tried again, “Bucky’s not…part of HYDRA.” Bucky twitched at that name, and Steve wanted to apologize. He held back, for now. After this, when things had calmed down and he could actually talk to Bucky… “He’s a friend.”

Loki looked like he wasn’t sure whether he was going to try to go through the wall behind him or lunge at Bucky. “A friend,” he said, almost spat. “Then why was he there?” (Steve Rogers’ Halfway House for Notorious Supervillains)

3. A group protesting the alien invasion of the Earth (referring, Loki could only assume, to Thor, since the Chitauri were manifestly no longer present) set off a bomb in Cleveland, Ohio that had spewed a toxin that killed in seconds and were threatening to use another. Loki suspected they were not aware that their weaponry was alien in origin. Kree, if he did not miss his guess.

At any rate, naturally the Avengers were there, and he followed.

He meant just to watch. To take the measure of the situation and observe Rogers more closely, so he could be certain his protection could be effective.

That lasted about as long as it took for Rogers to run into an infected building and not come out again. Loki watched for thirty seconds, sixty, ninety…

No one else seemed to have noticed. Or else were just busy enough with their own difficulties not to notice.

Damn it. (Someone to Watch Over You)

4. He continued.

That was the best way Loki could think of to describe it – he did not feel it could be called living. Staring at the ceiling and listening to the quiet drip of the leak in an apartment above him, it occurred to Loki that perhaps that could describe everything he had done since falling from Asgard – since the first time he had decided to die, only to find that death would not accept him. Continuing. Forging doggedly onward because he did not know how to stop.

Apparently he still did not, though he also did not know how to do anything else. He hovered somewhere in between, like a shadow, a ghost. Just substantial enough to feel hunger pangs and thirst, to feel pain and weariness.

That last most of all. He was so tired, and that weight never left him no matter how long he slept. (post svartalfheim au)

5. Thor reached out to grab Loki’s arm and held it fast. “Explain,” he said, his voice vibrating. “Explain to me. Did you – I felt you die. You did not breathe, your heart was still-”

“I know what death is, Thor,” Loki said, trying to shake his hand off. “I lived it. As it were.” Something slipped across his face and was gone in a flash. “Obviously it did not stick, as you can see. That is unimportant right now-”

“Unimportant?” Thor burst out, incredulous. “How can you say – how, Loki, tell me how!”

Loki hissed. “Must you always ask the stupidest questions? How does not matter, nor does why. Do you want to stay here and wait for Her Majesty’s guard to catch us? She may decide to forgo the proper sacrifice and simply kill you prematurely. I am sure that prospect delights you.”

Anger throbbed in Thor’s stomach even as memory of Hela sent a shiver down his spine. He glanced over his shoulder.

“Fine,” he said, through his teeth. “We will do as you say and go. But do not think I will forget this. You will tell me the truth.”

“Ah, yes, the truth,” Loki said, and this time Thor let him yank his arm out of his grip. “Such a simple thing.” (Sword Age, Wolf Age)

6. “I will not go back to Asgard.” Loki’s voice was hard. “And I will not believe – why come now? How did he even learn that I was here?” Loki shook his head. “They want something from me, and that is the only reason Thor has been sent. And when he is refused – he may seem impatient and boorish now, but you have not seen his temper.”

Delightful, Steve thought. Aloud, he said, “you don’t have to go back, Loki. I’ll stand by you on that. He can’t make you do anything without going through me.”

“That is what worries me,” Loki said quietly, but after a moment seemed to shake himself. “You said you knew this…SHIELD. Who are they?”

“A secret organization,” Steve said. “They were…the people who dug me out of the ice, as far as I can tell. At least, they were the people who were there when I woke up. Gave me some resources and turned me loose, though I get the impression that they did it with the implied expectation I’d come when they called.”

Loki glanced toward the front seat, and Steve saw his fingers flick very slightly. “And what do they know about me?” He asked bluntly. Steve shook his head slowly.

“I don’t know. You weren’t...in any of the official histories, but…Peggy was part of the SSR, and the SSR turned into SHIELD. I don’t know what she might’ve said, or to who.”

“Ms. Carter was involved with these people?” Loki said, with a mixture of startlement and disdain. Steve held in the urge to laugh. (Thunderstorms)

7. Natasha found him there maybe an hour later and sat down next to him. “Heard you’re having trouble with your new assignment,” she said.

“You could say that,” Steve said wearily.

“I’d say ‘buyer’s remorse’ but that would probably be tacky,” she said. Steve winced, and she sat down. “Tony looked like he wanted to go on a three day bender when I saw him earlier. Anything you want to talk about?”

“How would you handle this?” Steve asked. Natasha’s eyebrows quirked.

“I wouldn’t have taken the job to begin with,” she said. “In fact, I didn’t. As far as I’m concerned, Asgard should have him back, and good riddance.” Steve grimaced, and she eyed him. “I’m pretty sure they only let Thor saddle us with him because they’re waiting for Loki to kill one of us so they can execute him without Thor getting in the way.”

Steve frowned. “Loki agrees with you.”

“That is…a disconcerting sentence,” Natasha said after a moment. “All right, I’ll humor you. What does Loki agree with me about?”

“That this sentence is a sham. Only he seems to think that the Council is trying to inconvenience me into giving him back.” Steve gave her a weary look. “Slavery would be bad enough, Nat. But this is torture.”

“There’s often not much of a line between the two.” (Tear My Castle Down)

8. “Do you think it’s Ross?” Clint asked, finally. “Seems to me like there’d be more bullet holes involved, if it was him.”

“If not Ross then who,” Bucky snapped, barely pausing in his pacing. “If someone has an idea of an alternative, now’s a good time to speak up, but I’m not sure we shouldn’t just shake Ross and see what falls out anyway.”

“Aliens,” Clint said, simply, and when they looked at him, shrugged. “I’m serious. We know they’re out there. We know a lot of them want Loki’s head on a stick, and they might consider a Earth hero a great bonus. That’d explain how they got in.”

Wanda swayed forward. “I didn’t sense anything,” she said. “Any magic, or…”

“Would you, if you didn’t recognize the type?” Clint asked, his voice going gentler. Pietro scowled at Sam, of all things.

“Aliens,” Bucky said flatly, staring at Clint. “If you think that’s what happened what do you suggest we do about it?”

Clint’s expression flickered. “Do you have a portal lying around somewhere, Barnes? I don’t know. You going to kill me over that?” (we’re not the only ones)

9. “You cannot heal death, Eir,” Loki mumbled. His eyes were still closed, and he did not sound quite conscious, but he clearly listened.

“You are not dead, Loki,” Eir said. “Despite your efforts in that direction.”

“Not yet,” Loki said. “But I am. Halfway. It just needs to finish.”

Eir glanced at Sif, who shook her head. “You need to stop this,” she said.

“No,” Loki said almost dreamily. “I need to end it.” He opened his eyes, an odd expression on his face suddenly, fear and distress. “No,” he said, seemingly to empty air. “Don’t leave me. Please. You have to stay.”

“Loki,” Eir said sternly. “There is no one there.”

A moment later he slumped and let out a shuddering sigh. “Not anymore,” he said, sounding suddenly very sad. “She’s gone.” (We Two)

10. Something faintly familiar about this boy prickled at the back of her mind, but she couldn’t quite pin it down. He looked - maybe ten or twelve, younger than her own sons, but small even for his age. His black hair looked mussed and like it needed a trim; her fingers itched a little for scissors to at least get it out of his eyes.

Wanda shook herself. This was a strange boy who had appeared in her house, and she knew well that few things were exactly what they seemed. “Who are you?” She asked, more firmly. “And what are you doing in my apartment?”

The boy looked a little surprised by the question. “Looking for you, of course,” he said. “You are Lady Wanda Maximoff, right?”

Lady Wanda Maximoff, she thought. That was a new one. “Yes,” she said. “I am, but that doesn’t really answer the question. Either one.”

The boy - squirmed. She studied his face, trying to puzzle out the source of that strange familiarity. “Oh, well,” he said. “You’re arguably the most powerful sorcerer - sorceress - on this - ah, planet, excepting maybe Doctor Strange, but he’s a bit - well, I don’t think we’d get along.” He gave Wanda a hopeful smile, eyes widening a calculated hair. “I’m very curious about magic, and there’s only so much one can get from books.”

Wanda narrowed her eyes. “So you broke into my house?” (untitled Wanda and Kid!Loki fic)

11. “My right,” she said in disgust. “So it’d be justified, because-? Never mind. Don’t answer that.” She made a noise back in her throat. “It bothers me because it disgusts me.” Loki went rigid, and she went on before he could interrupt. “It disgusts me that, no matter what you say about consent, apparently no one ever thought to mention to you that consent still matters when you’re asking someone to hurt you. It disgusts me that I could have – have? – done something you didn’t want and you didn’t tell me to stop because you didn’t think you had the right. And it disgusts me that you can’t tell the difference between torture and sex because apparently for you there isn’t one.”

Loki blinked at her like she was speaking a strange language, and Natasha resisted the urge to strangle him. He’d let her, too. She remembered last time she had. He’d stopped her before it’d gone too far, but she’d tested it because she hadn’t quite believed he would.

She’d known, even then, that she was walking a dangerous line. But she hadn’t thought about what it might mean. Not really. (Privation)

[ciathyzareposts]

Ragnarok: Gods and Giants

About how it goes every time I face a new monster.

            Playing Ragnarok is a process of repeatedly convincing yourself that your character is getting stronger and you’re getting better and then suddenly getting torn apart–quite literally–by the next level of foe. That’s not quite a complaint, but it’s inescapable that while the main game is about as difficult as NetHack, its worst foes would have the Wizard of Yendor for lunch.

I spent the bulk of this last session finishing up the dungeon beneath the opening forest. The dungeon consisted of 3 levels and 27 screens, and the key plot reason to be there was to obtain Odin’s spear, Gungnir, from Vidur. As I closed my last session, I was having no luck even scratching Vidur let alone killing him. I tried it hastened with Potions of Speed; I tried it invisible; I tried it under the influence of a Potion of Phasing, which doubles your armor class. He still kept killing me in one round.          

Maybe don’t eat random mushrooms.

        I took time to explore the rest of the dungeon to strengthen my character and hopefully find more valuable items. Some notes from that process:

The levels aren’t all randomly generated. Even when they are, there are rules set on some of them to avoid exits on certain sides of the map. The Temple of Vidur on Level 3 is only supposed to be accessible from a hole on Level 2, not any of the other Level 3 maps. However, a Wand of Tunneling or a pick-axe can undo such intentions–sometimes.

More intrinsics: fire dragons confer fire resistance; “blurs” make you faster (although I think just temporarily); wraiths give you level increases, although at a certain point they stopped working. Through other means that I didn’t fully note, I have also acquired resistances to petrification and death rays.

         This sounds so unappealing.

        There’s one mushroom that fills you up when you eat it. The others are not worth experimenting with.

Kalvins are horrid, hateful monsters who swipe one of your eyes out with every hit. It turns out that a blessed potion of curing will regrow an eye, but I was so traumatized by my temporary blindness that the next time I found a Scroll of Extinction, I used it on Kalvins.

Worse that Kalvins are Zardons. They can send out a piercing wail that hits you for about 50 hit points at a time from anywhere within the dungeon level. Guess what else soon went extinct? 

            I’m not sure I should have this kind of power.

         One damned hit from a werewolf is enough to give you lycanthropy, which requires a blessed Potion of Curing to cure. Scrolls of Blessing aren’t so common that I like wasting them on this.

On the matter of Scrolls of Extinction, I can’t be the only roguelike player who has secretly thought that if I just find enough of them, I can genocide every monster in the game. 

I keep finding Amulets of Quickening, which double my speed and are thus incredibly useful. But they have limited duration, and then they run out, they turn into something called “Eyes of Sertrud.” I have no idea if they do anything in their “Sertrud” form.

A couple of enemy types are capable of reproducing faster than you can kill them. One is these little tiny things called “secitts.” The second are tree creatures called “faleryns.” I had to abandon a dungeon level to the latter creature when they wouldn’t stop multiplying, but I gained about 15 levels trying to kill them all. If I need to grind, I’m going back there.

         You guys can have this dungeon level. I’m just trying to get to the stairs.

         The best spell scroll combination I’ve found is a Scroll of Blessing with a Scroll of Enhancement. Use the former on the latter and then the latter on a piece of armor or a weapon, and you soon have a +13 (or higher) item. I’m carrying a +14 mirror shield and a +13 silver sword because of that combination.

Some of the scrolls are “diaries,” which give you hints. 

          Glad I got this hint because I would have thought this was bad.

          Something weird happened with my strength. For a long time, it was stuck at 18.99, and I figured that was the highest, but at some point it rolled over to 19-something and has been continuing to grow towards 20 ever since.

At some point, I acquired the “Psi Blast” power. I have no idea when it happened or why. It doesn’t seem to do very much damage.

             When I hit Level 20, I got the “Fletching” skill, which allows me to make arrows out of woods. Since “Terraforming” allows me to turn any square into woods, I basically have all the arrows I want. Anyway, I took the game’s offer to change classes and changed to a conjurer. I spent 20 levels as a conjurer, skipping the first offer to change, because I hardly gained any spells. Even after 20 levels, I can only cast “Set Recall” (which only helps if you have a Scroll of Recall), “Reflect,” “Draw Life,” and “Illusory Self.”         

Casting spells. I thought I’d have cooler spells.

         At Level 40, I changed to a blacksmith. Somewhere along the way, I read a couple of Scrolls of Knowledge and obtained the “Fennling” skill, an extremely useful skill that lets you combine the charges of two wands of the same type. I also got “Relocation,” which lets me teleport on demand, “Ironworking,” and “Taming.” I haven’t really experimented yet with the latter two. 

When I was done exploring, I went back to the Temple of Vidur. He still killed me instantly, but this time I had one new item: a Wand of Death. It only had two charges, but one of them took care of Vidur nicely (unfortunately, not before he killed my new companion, whose release so enraged Vidur in the first place). Gungnir was on his body, and apparently I’m too weak to wield it.          

The first god falls.

        I headed back to the surface and found the forest absolutely swarming with monsters. They’re low level, and no danger, but they’re so thick that I can barely move. Thankfully, my teleportation abilities get me through. They seem to respawn as fast as I kill them. I wondered if Ragnarok had started while I was in the dungeon or whether carrying Gungnir brings the to me.             

My reputation must have taken a hit while I was underground.

           While I was in the forest, I happened to note an icon I hadn’t seen before. I (L)ooked at it and the game told me it was Thokk, the giantess who refused to cry for Baldur, meaning I’d have to bring her soul to Hela to get Baldur out of hell. I slipped on my Ring of Soul Trapping and killed her with a single blow. I made the mistake of not taking off the ring afterwards, and her soul was immediately replaced by the new slain enemies’. That required me to reload a significantly older game and replay Vidur’s temple again. The second time, I found Thokk in the same area and took off the ring after capturing her soul.         

Part of one quest down!

         Lacking guidance on exactly where to go, I escaped the monster hoard by jumping through a portal. It took me to Slaeter’s Sea and some other outdoor maps that kind of wrap around the opening forest, including the River Vid and the River Gioll. I can just stroll across the water because I have Skidbladnir (the magic boat) in my pocket.            

The River Vid is mostly water.

         I soon found out that if you go the wrong way out of these areas, you wind up in the open ocean and you immediately get attacked by Jormungand. The first time I found him, he damaged me for -60302 hit points. (I had a maximum of 452 at the time.) I tried the Wand of Death on him but it didn’t work. He’s also inescapable. I suspect you’re just not meant to go into these areas.           

I suppose if I could kill Jormungand, I wouldn’t need to do anything else.

         But there’s an enemy that roams the rivers and lakes of this “outer rim” that’s almost as deadly as Jormungand: the lorkesth. He gets like 5 attacks per round and does massive damage. He’s the reason I can’t just blithely stroll through the areas (the other enemies are relatively easy at my level). I have to watch very carefully for their appearance and use my teleportation ability to get to a safe square of land. There’s no outrunning them, since they can move three times for every move I make. If I stand one square away from the water, I can defeat them with throwing weapons and wands, but like any monster they may auto-generate at any time. If I get another Scroll of Extinction, they’re going to be strong candidates.          

I like to think I’m skipping these shurikens along the water.

           To the west, the world ended at the Bifrost. (Which I have been unable to take seriously since I discovered it’s properly pronounced “beef roast,” although I think it’s cool that the Norse conceived it as a rainbow. So many things in mythology are dark and dreary.) I figured it was too soon to go to Asgard, so I went the other way. Mapping in this game is complicated; I’ll explain more thoroughly in my next entry. Suffice to say that the particular section of maps I was in ended to the west at the Bifrost and east at the River Gioll. The Gioll map had some patches covered in fog and a river swarming with lorkesths, but oddly no other enemies or items on the map. For some reason, my Ring of Locus Mastery doesn’t work, meaning when I teleport, I just teleport to a random place. Something is also causing me to teleport frequently even if I take off my Ring of Relocation.

In the middle of a patch of fog on the east side, I ran into a character named Harbard. He was rooted in place and didn’t pursue me, but if I walked up to him, he killed me in a couple of blows. So I stood a couple squares away from him and hit him with the second and last charge in my Wand of Death. His body disappeared in the fog, but when I walked and stood upon it, the game told me that there was a staircase. Taking it led me to Niflheim.           

Hell looks a lot like Maine in April.

          I immediately had one of those moments that I described in the opening. I had been killing fire dragons and frost dragons in single blows, so I wasn’t bothered by the “hel dragon” heading in my direction–not, at least, before he killed me in one attack that left me with -1,006 hit points.              

My brief foray into hell.

          Upon reloading, I tried again, taking pains to avoid the dragon, and I did come across some luck when I stumbled on a Wand of Wishing with three charges. I immediately wished for another Wand of Death, and while it worked fine against the next hel dragon, it did nothing against the unique enemies of the area, including Konr Rig and Plog. I reluctantly returned to the surface and decided to try again when I was stronger, although given the fact that I’ve already maxed in most of the game’s classes and I have incredibly powerful equipment and near-max strength (I assume, since it’s now going up by decimals instead of integers), I don’t know what “stronger” is going to look like.

Still, I moved north from the River Gioll to what turned out to be the mountainous realm of Jotenheim. I expected to meet a lot of giants but mostly found the same creatures from previous areas, including a lot of faleryns, who fortunately didn’t seem to be as interested as replicating as they were in the dungeon. Teleport control still doesn’t work, which makes it hard to explore systematically.         

The transition to Jotenheim.

        After I cleared most of the map, there remained an impenetrable rectangle of mountains and trees. Figuring it must hold something interesting, I used my “Terraforming” ability to change a tree into regular ground. Inside the rectangle was a small building populated by a large foe named Gymir. He had the decency not to kill me in a single blow, but his attacks were capable of doing more than 100 damage each. I quaffed a Potion of Speed and a Potion of Curing and proceeded to kill him in legitimate combat. He left behind Mimming, Freyr’s sword. I’m too weak to wield it.           

My character doesn’t just chop down trees; he changes the very nature of the landscape.

           Jotenheim continued for two maps to the north. To the north of that was “Mimer’s Realm,” a map of mountains, lava pools, and fog. A new monster called “iridorns” were introduced. They can kill in a single hit by ripping off your head, although they die pretty easily if you can strike them first.            With Mimer’s Realm, I found Mimer’s Well, mentioned in the backstory as the residence of the serpent Aspenth, the transformed version of Gjall, Heimdall’s horn. But I need the “Swimming” ability to navigate there and I don’t have it yet.            

My character at the end of this session.

           At some point, while exploring Jotenheim, Heimdall’s voice bellowed from the sky:               

O great heroes of the world! I must have Gjall to rally the forces of good. Time begins to grow short. The sea rages with the anger of Jormungand. The earth quakes mightily. Loki seems ready to burst his bonds. The moon and sun shall soon be swallowed by the mighty wolves Fenrir and Garm. Surtr is honing his sword of destruction. The evil ones are gathering their forces.

To speed you in your quest, I will use my powers over nature. The lesser creatures of the realm shall grow weary and despair. They shall no longer wish to battle against your might.

               This announcement suggests the game has a time limit (and also that Heimdall just removed my ability to easily grind). I’m going to explore to the north a little further, but if nothing pans out, I’ll use my Wand of Wishes for Scrolls of Knowledge and see if I can pick up the swimming ability. At this point, I have three of the six quest items. If I can get one more, it might be worth heading to Asgard.

Time so far: 15 hours

*****

B.A.T. II: The Koshan Conspiracy was going to be next, but I’m not sure how it got on my list in the first place. None of my sources call it an RPG, not even a hybrid. I can’t find evidence that any commenter defended it as an RPG. I’m dumping it unless someone can make a persuasive case. The Adventure Gamer already covered it if you really need to read about it.

That means we get to our first random roll for the next game on the list! Pulling up the list, adding a “Random” column, filtering out games I’ve already played or rejected, we get . . . Xenus II: White Gold (2008). But of course I’m not going to play a game before its predecessor, which in this case is Boiling Point: Road to Hell (2005). That’s also the first game on my list from Ukraine. I can’t find mention of any other necessary precursors. But I’m just kidding because I’m not going to let myself jump that far ahead in one go. The actual next game needs to be in the next year I have not yet played, and a random selection from that year brings us to Shadowkeep 1: The Search by the same author as the Bandor series. Meanwhile, Planet’s Edge gets moved up a notch to Game 358, but I’m having trouble with that one. DOSBox crashes every time I try to leave the intro screen. So the real next game might be Ishar while I try to solve that problem.

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/ragnarok-gods-and-giants/

[proofthatihaveaheart]

Q1 2018 Fic Recs

In 2017 I did a fic rec post every month, which was great but also kinda stressful when I was busy and had barely read any fic. I thought about just not doing them but I missed it so I decided to divide 2018 up into quarters and do a post of my favorite fics every 3 months. Hopefully this works better with my schedule. My backlog of fics to read is still monumental, but here are some of my favorite fics from the past 3 months: 

[8 Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 1 Marvel] 

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

all exits look the same by fishycrow (Jake/Amy, 2k): Probably, Jake should’ve argued when Amy offered to drive him home. Just to stay with him and work the case and maybe order takeout, because it’s been forty-eight hours since either of them slept. But that brings him into a headspace that’s, for lack of a better term, dangerous. Not physically, but emotionally. Lack of sleep brings him into this liminal space where he starts noticing things that he maybe shouldn’t be noticing on her. [Soft and gorgeous and evocative. I love the imagery in this fic and the way it builds up to its final moments. It’s truly something lovely.]

call me, maybe by johnny-and-dora (Jake/Amy, 1k): "There’s this one second where they’re just half-smiling at each other awkwardly and she’s the only thing that even matters in the room and maybe even in the entire world and it’s, uh, nice, as seconds go. One of the better seconds he’s had, definitely." or, the one where jake peralta is already falling fast and hard when amy santiago asks for his number (for work purposes only, obviously) and something that vaguely resembles his idea of flirting ensues. [I love fics about Jake crushing on Amy and this one is so good. It captures the spirit of their early banter and it made me smile.]

girls just want to have fun by gspotlinetti (Jake/Amy):  He’s not quite sure how many drinks he downed at Shaw’s, but apparently he had enough to think that going to a sex toy store with Amy Santiago is a good idea. [Just reading the summary should be enough to convince you to read this short, non-explicit fic but if it isn’t, take my word that it’s delightful and cute and wonderful. Also there’s a fantastic sex tape joke.]

A Hard Day’s Night by Kasuchi (Jake/Amy with lots of gen goodness, 24k):  "Why does that dog have Jake's badge?" When Jake is out of commission for a month, it's up to the squad to solve the case. [Jake is turned into a dog. Yes, that premise sounds absolutely wacky. It is. And also absolutely FANTASTIC. The characterization in this fic is perfect and the dialogue reads like a script from the show and it’s amazing.]

on my heart like a tattoo by elsaclack (Jake/Amy, 9k):  Amy’s a month old, too young to remember anything, and he shows up on her skin for the very first time in the form of an explosion of color. [Not only was it a joy to re-read the first chapter of this soulmate AU, but Em wrote a second chapter from Jake’s perspective that gives you a whole new context AND has some truly beautiful  and moving lines.]

paint the sky in ever grey by fruitwhirl (Jake/Amy, 1k): “I didn’t get the chance to say it before, but you really do look like a mermaid.”Despite her best efforts, the corners of her lips quirk up. “The dress I almost bought—it was actually called a mermaid style. At least, that’s what Gina told me.” [I love the tension in this piece, how the moments of quiet interact with the dialogue and how Amy and Jake support one another throughout.]

Rosa, those are our dads! by startofamoment (Gen family stuff with some Gina/Rosa and Jake/Amy, 5k): “Dad, permission to arrest Rosa for being a jerk.” “Permission to shoot Amy for being a coward.” “Stop it, both of you… Now you’ve done it. You’ve made me turn my chair.”B99 + Adoption AU: in which Raymond and Kevin adopt Rosa and Amy as babies. [Read this if you want to smile because they’re a beautiful family that love and support one another.]

You can See It with the Lights Off by useyourtelescope (Jake/Amy, 2k):  Jake and Amy can't quite escape the madness of their family and friends on their wedding day. But at least they manage to get a little respite. [Sweet wedding fluff to make you smile.]

Marvel

through and through with fire by notbecauseofvictories (Thor: Ragnarok family gen, 4k):  It takes the combined strength of Thor, Loki, and Valkyrie to drag Hela onto the Grandmaster’s ship, though Loki gets a split lip for his trouble and Hela’s nails leave deep gouges in the leather of Thor’s vambraces. [A beautiful and poetic tale of this dysfunctional family. Thor’s insistence to redeem all his siblings, their shared awkwardness in trying to connect, the little moments when they do manage it, all the references to Norse mythology. I love all of it.]