#Computer Science Lateral Entry

[manavrachna01]

B.Tech in Computer Science and Engineering (Lateral Entry) - A Comprehensive Overview

Computer Science & Engineering (CSE) powers the digital world, driving innovation and shaping the future with AI, cybersecurity, cloud computing and beyond. As industries rapidly evolve to embrace automation, digitisation, and AI-integrated solutions, the demand for skilled engineers is at an all-time high.

To meet this demand, universities offer specialised programmes like a B.Tech in Computer Science and Engineering (CSE) with Lateral Entry. This course provides a critical pathway for diploma holders and B.Sc. graduates to upskill and advance in the industry by bridging theoretical knowledge with practical experience. A Lateral Entry in B.Tech Computer Science opens doors to careers in tech giants, startups, and research, equipping students to thrive in a fast-evolving digital economy.

What is a B.Tech in Computer Science and Engineering (Lateral Entry)?

The three-year B.Tech Computer Science & Engineering (Lateral Entry) programme allows diploma holders and B.Sc. graduates to join directly in the second year. It helps bridge academic knowledge with practical engineering applications, making them well-rounded technologists ready for today's digital workforce.

The programme prepares students for software development, system design, and IT management careers, covering both hardware and software aspects of computing with its cutting-edge curriculum. It emphasises practical, hands-on learning experiences through labs, projects, and internships. This approach helps students apply theoretical knowledge to real-world scenarios.

What are the Admission Requirements for B.Tech in Computer Science and Engineering (Lateral Entry)?

Candidates seeking admission to the B.Tech Computer Science & Engineering (Lateral Entry) must meet the eligibility criteria set by the concerned institutes/authorities. However, the following B.Tech CSE Lateral Entry eligibility criteria are usually common to most institutes:

A 3-year Diploma in Engineering (any branch) with a minimum 50% marks from a State Board of Technical Education or

A B.Sc. degree with a minimum of 50% marks from a UGC-recognised University with Mathematics at 10+2 level

Career Options for B.Tech in Computer Science and Engineering (Lateral Entry) Graduates

A B.Tech Computer Science (Lateral Entry) degree offers various career opportunities across multiple industries. Some popular job roles include:

Application Developer

Database Administrator

Business Systems Analyst

Data Analyst

Database Manager

Mobile Apps Developer

Game Developer

Enterprise Architect

Hardware Designer

Network Administrator

Mainframe Systems Manager

Project Manager

Choose Manav Rachna University for a B.Tech in Computer Science and Engineering (Lateral Entry)

Manav Rachna University (MRU) offers a B.Tech in Computer Science and Engineering (Lateral Entry) programme with an excellent curriculum, hands-on training, and relevant specialisations. With state-of-the-art labs, expert faculty, and strong industry partnerships, students of B.Tech Computer Science Lateral Entry at MRU gain the skills needed for high-demand roles.To learn more about the B.Tech in Computer Science and Engineering (Lateral Entry) at MRU, visit their website.

[vesanal]

ʚɞ  ~Blog Introduction Post~ ʚɞ  

Howdy there!! Ok. So. It’s been long enough. Probably should have done this earlier but here it is now!

Anyways, hello! You can call me Ves/Vesanal or some variant of that! I love to write and do art because I like to suffer creatively twice. I am getting back into writing after a while and I will be using this blog to share my works as they come along!! I have some projects I’m working on that I am very excited to share with y’all!! 

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

→Quick Links:

Side Account!

Join The Taglist!!

Writemas Masterlist!!

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

→Here is some info about me:

I love love love making art and writing. Those are two of my greatest passions in life

Pronouns are She/Her

Plotter by heart, I cannot call a story finished if I do not know every minute detail. Quite overwhelming at times but I get by!

I am a stressed out college student who probably shouldn't be scrolling tumblr all day long but here I am. 

Computer Science/Math Major, I couldn’t decide on which subject to drain my soul from so I picked both. If I am a bit inactive at times it is due to this 

Love to yap and listen to certified yappers about fandoms and OC’s. Infodump about WIPs to me!!! I will gladly listen!!

Proud lesbian, and yes the lgbt girl in CS stereotype is alive and true. If you have a problem with this you are on the wrong website friend

Some of my favorite genres are Fantasy, Sci-Fi, and Drama. Gotta love TV shows and movies to absolutely nerd out over :D

The type of music I like is all over the place but mostly I stick to hard rock, heavy metal, and thrash metal (I would be more than happy to tell y'all about the bands and like and even recommend some)

My MBTI personality type is INTP-T

I am a complete Tumblr NOOB. Please bear with me here while i try to figure out the hellsite <3

My time zone is CST/CT (Central Time)

You can DM me anytime. Along with asks too, but please do not send me any promotions or begs for money. PLEASE. I have gotten a few of those recently and I just want to say that is not what my blog is for. Other than that, asks are completely open! If you have a question, please ask me!!! :) <3

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

→Some of the wips of mine:

(There will be separate intro/masterposts for each of these when i get to them

The Bone-Binder’s Covenant 

(click link to see masterpost)

Basic Premise: The Bone-Binder has broken his promise with the land of Pytharios, and is now terrorizing the region to get what he wants. Chosen directly by the Queen, Aerlyra Ghorne–a promising yet incredibly unsure woman–is tasked to stop him for once and for all. With the help of her assigned crew and companions who join alongside her during the journey, she hopes to do just that. 

Tags: #The Bone-Binder’s Covenant or #TBBC

Genre: Dark Fantasy; Adventure

Status: Active (Somewhat done and planned, still getting a feel for everything, still brainstorming some ideas)

I will be adding more links as I post!!

We Die As One

(Adding masterpost soon)

Basic Premise: Tells the story from a series of ancient journals that are uncovered showing the events following up the total wipeout of all magic. The journal entries focus on a group of scrappy, young heroes who are on a mission against the world, and fail to stop the evils of the world from taking over. All that is left of them is the journals, leaving the ways of the past to be seen as a distant memory and an inspiration to the new generation, who see how the world came to what it has become.

Tags: #We Die As One or #WDAO

Genre: High Fantasy; Action-Adventure

Status: Active (ish, still in idea-phase)

I will be adding more links as I post!!

I still have more WIPS but those are secrets for later ;)

I’ll be posting mainly about my wips, ask games, the occasional art, and writing memes so stay if you are into that!! You can ask me questions any time, don’t be afraid to ask!

Taglist under the cut (interreact with this post here to be +, notify me if you want to be -)

@seastarblue @seafloor507 @stars-forever @viridis-icithus @estrellasxxminis @synthesistoagreatercreation @ink-stains-and-constellations @wyked-rebellion @satohqbanana @amatowriting @riverstixx @theodora47 @selfemployedmess @thebookishkiwi @17panicattacksinatrenchcoat @memento-morianon @the-ellia-west @write-with-will @jwritesalright @sunflowerrosy @myniceisniceblogbloglog @corinneglass

[perkeia]

Twisted Roots AU Masterpost (Work in progress)

Approximately 10 years after Weirdmaggedon, the Pines family and Gravity Falls have seemingly moved onto bigger things. Healing from the past, or ignoring it altogether, they've set new milestones and made headway on new beginnings.

No manner of growth is going to distract from the fact that old, and new threats are still lurking. Bill might be gone, but the Nightmare Realm's tether to the world remains firm.

Sequential pieces

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Journal Entry 1

Part 4 (wip)

Part 5

Doodles and other things

Dipper and Pacifica bonding

The nicest anomaly

Mabel reference

Pacifica reference

Dipper Pines - age 23

-Graduated highschool at 17

-Took a 'gap year' traveling with Stan and Ford. Ford managed to work this into counting toward Dipper's degree.

-With Ford's help, Dipper, at age 21, earned his PhD in computer science. (Don't think about it too hard, considering the main theory for Ford is that he completed his first PhD in 3.5 years EEK). Dipper studies biology on the side.

-Dipper moves to Gravity Falls despite Ford's advice to keep climbing the academic ladder. He buys his own little place in the woods, within a short distance of the Mystery Shack (belonging to Melody and Soos). He begins his own research, and continues Ford's. Though he may not have a fancy degree for Biology, he studies it in his spare time.

-Interested in computers, film, drumming, and ghosts. Big ghost hunter this one. Don't let him tell you about his old youtube channels. Also taken up the job of ensuring Bill stays out of Gravity Falls.

Mabel Pines - age 23

-Graduated highschool at 17

-Bounced around different areas of study before settling on Paramedic. She completed her certification at 20. (Did NOT do summer semesters like Dipper).

-Started her own yarn and craft business at 19, 'May & Hogg Threads - It'll give you stitches!' which is doing insanely well.

-Mabel doesn't have plans to move to Gravity Falls, and despite missing her twin, has decided CA has more opportunities for her.

-Interested in crafts, scrapbooking, adrenaline rushes, ultimate frisbee and loves her grouchy old pig.

Pacifica Northwest - age 24

-Basics as they don't come up often. Graduated at 18, got her bachelor's in business at 22. Currently debating going to fashion school.

-Though she maintains her own Tailor shop in Gravity Falls, she works at Sally's Diner on weekends to spite her parents.

-Interests include thrifting, archery, sewing, singing and hiking (she'd die before admitting that).

Bramble

'Journal entry 1 WOOP. Can't believe I get to be the one to write this, definitely thought one of the others had gotten here first. Guess they're just too slow. Can't blame them though. I'm pretty fast.

But back to that stupid demon(?) Bramble. It doesn't seem to have a physical form like Bill did but ------' (the rest of the entry is unreadable. Covered in what could be glitter glue, or Mabel juice. A final note is scribbled on the bottom of the page.)

'I'll rewrite it later.'

[boylied]

Animorphs Book Club- The Alien

Sorry I’m a bit late for this one. It’s been a crazy week (I was on five planes within the span of four days) and I haven’t even been online for most of it. But we finally get an Ax book. I remember being so intrigued by him and never having any Ax books of my own. I finally found them at a library. It was not enough time to figure him out. Let’s try again now that I my brain is finished forming.

I love that aliens across media are always stunned at how much water Earth has. In a universe where sentient life has popped up all over, a water planet is still remarkable?

I have mentioned before that I was a parentified eldest child. As such, I really don’t vibe too much with Ax’s viewpoint around Elfangor. But I think this small scene between the brothers is so cute. I can’t help but think about when the Ellimist plucked Elfangor from Earth and, when trying to convince him to return to the war, the Ellimist used Ax’s existence as fodder. Elfangor returned, in part, to be with Ax and protect him. And we were robbed of getting to see the brothers together.

I love the diary entries.

“I would have liked to have Tobias’s DNA, but that was not possible,” Cute.

I love the whole trope of a bunch of kids trying to show an alien their human society, only for it to go horribly wrong. But this is the only example I can think of where we get to see it from the alien’s POV. I love the dramatic irony. But also, Ax is losing his mind over movie theater popcorn and candy. I just know a bowl of gumbo would kill him.

“Rachel is a true warrior,” I know that’s right

Chekhov’s rattle snake.

First instance of Ax calling Tobias his Bestie. I know he thinks being besties would mean having no secrets, but he does not really that All middle school friendships involve secrets and drama.

Jake’s fury at the fact that Ax withheld information for him specifically to manipulate him into destroying the kandrona. Fast forward to endgame when Jake keeps Rachel’s solo mission secret specifically to prevent the others from putting a stop to it. Presently, Jake says “you don’t know a thing about [humans].” So I ask, does Jake eventually lose his humanity? Or is Jake the one who doesn’t humans?

KA Applegate does Who’s On First?

It’s funny thinking about what things Ax describes for us versus what things he assumes we know. He takes the time to explain that the Andalite sky has anywhere from two to four moons. But he never bothers to lay out how he eats (until -for character arc reasons- he is forced to explain to the animorphs later). He mentions that books seem more advanced than computers to the Andantes, but thinks that the program he found in Marco’s house is a children’s game.

Part of what’s fun with these books is figuring out what’s going on when the narrator isn’t around. What’s fascinating here is that we know that Ax is keeping secrets, and the Animorphs now know that he’s actively keeping secrets, not just being mysterious. And now we see Tobias come talk to Ax alone. And then Marco. And then Cassie. And it’s like, they’re really getting together aside and being like, Who is the best one for the job? Who’s gonna get him to open up?”

The Hork Bajir have a bio clock that sets them warring every 62 years? I did not remember this little fact. But I was always interested in the world building aspect of the series (Work-Bajir chronicles was my Favorite book). And now I’m thinking this was definitely a design by the Arn to keep control over the population and distract them in case they ever got brave.

“Cassie has talent. Morphing does not happen to be my talent.” Ax is so funny because he is clearly a good fighter. But he has admitted that he didn’t pay attention during school. He doesn’t remember much about xenobiology, or the more advanced sciences (by Andalite standards), never cared for art, isn’t that good at morph control. He only cared about fighting and being like Elfangor. And because we’re human readers, we click more with the Animorphs and think of Ax as this advanced, alien being who is more advanced than humans, but in reality, they got saddled with the Andalite version of the middle school jock. Omg- Ax is Jake this explains so much.

The communications between Ax and his home planet is just *chef’s kiss*. We get to see him relieved and emotional to just see another Andalite. We get to see him go back to normal operations, giving his report and finding comfort in the familiar. We get to see him admit the uncomfortable, and vehemently defend both Elfangor’s actions and the humans as a whole. Ax being bullied and pressured by an older, well respected Andalite into lying and taking the blame (apparently this call will NOT be recorded for training and quality purposes). And we see the very beginning of Ax getting radicalized. 

Also, I get that it’s devastating to lose your eldest son. But you hear from your long lost son, who you didn’t know for certain was alive. He tells you his brother died, and your immediate response is “well you better go get his killer, kid.” Stone cold Pops. I get that it’s tradition, but it’s giving shot gun wedding vibes.

Also love seeing more insight into Yeerk society. They’re parasitic slugs, but they’re capable of love and relationships. Is this their own capabilities? Or a byproduct of their hosts? I seem to remember that their reproductive cycle includes self destruction to create the next generation? So I doubt their biology would evolve to include romantic love or familial feelings. So my hunch is that Yeerks can develop friendships and share bonds with each other, but they only grow to develop romance and family after taking hosts that have that biological urge (Visser 1 being the most prominent).

Once again, Cassie’s the goat. This whole deal with Seerow’s Kindness gets me itchy. My memory is fuzzy but it’s taken what- roughly 70-80 years for the Andalites to go from kind space explorers to traumatized, walled off space cops. When I was younger I thought this was such a good story for children. You start off kind, someone betrays you, and you close yourself off to prevent it from happening again while beefing with your ex. It ruins your next relationship (the Hork-Bajir). And then someone else comes along and finally teaches you how to love again. That love and healing is more powerful than fear and secrets. But now that I’m older, I realize that most adults haven’t grasped this concept either.

I wonder how many would have lived if they had just mercy killed Alloran.

But of course we end with a PSA on unity across species and the pursuit of freedom. Lovely.

Also shout out to @emeraldmew for the comparison “Apparently more than you, you CLOD.”

[izicodes]

Hello! Do you have any advice on getting into freelance coding or remote jobs in the field? I'm having trouble with my current endeavors of applications and my current customer service job isn't doing me well enough to want to stay, so I'm hoping for progress sooner rather than later. Anything helps, thank you!!

Hiya 🖤

Thanks for reaching out with your question about getting into freelance coding or remote jobs. Making a transition can be challenging, but with dedication and strategic steps, you can definitely progress in your career.

Firstly, consider specializing in a specific field of computer science rather than trying to learn everything. This will help you become an expert in a niche, making you more attractive to potential clients or employers.

The big thing to look at is (1) what specific job do you want? Don't know yet? That's the first thing you need to find out. (2) Found the job you want? Go to this website "roadmap.sh" and click the job title you want and look at the roadmap to become it. (3) Have an idea of what you need to learn? Now study :)

Here are some extra key pieces of advice:

Public Code Repositories

Showcase your coding skills by contributing to public repositories on platforms like GitHub, GitLab, or others. This allows potential employers to see your projects and assess your coding abilities.

Online Certifications

Earn certifications from reputable online courses like Freecodecamp, Codecademy, or SheCodes (if you're a woman). Displaying these certifications on your LinkedIn profile adds credibility for remote work or even freelance work because then clients will trust your skills more if it's back up with evidence (projects and/or certificates).

Links: "Massive List of Thousands of Free Certificates" / "The Udemy courses I use" / "FreeCodeCamp" / "Codecedemy" / "SheCodes" / "Udacity" / "Coursera" / "Google"

LinkedIn Profile

Revamp your LinkedIn profile to reflect your job title. Use a title that aligns with your dream job, and highlight your skills, certifications, and projects. You don't even need work experience OR do what a lot of my developer mates do have no work experience and set your "job" as a self-employed freelance developer... little cheat there~!

Links: "LinkedIn Career Explorer" / "Tips for speaking to/reaching out to Recruiter" / "Tips for Landing Your First Entry-Level Developer Job" / "Career Services for Web Development" / "The Talent Cloud Community: Careers Workshop"

Volunteering

Help someone out with a project for their business or whatever. For example, I helped a guy I met in a programming discord server build his portfolio page for free, but I care more about the experience. Search online for volunteer jobs with your dream job title e.g. Volunteer App Develope, but in your country would be better. The experience you can you can add to your LinkedIn. the project you work on you can add to your resume/experience.

Link: "SkilledUp Life"

Networking

Connect with professionals in your field on LinkedIn, even if you don't know them personally. Growing your network can open up opportunities and expose you to valuable insights. Events in person or online, servers (I found volunteer opportunities here), forums, Twitter (I found some mates on there), Instagram (another place I found developer friends). Networking can even help with building group projects~!

Link: "Tips for speaking to/reaching out to Recruiter"

Project Building

Work on both small and big projects to demonstrate your capabilities. Highlight these projects on your resume and portfolio.

Links: "Building projects after learning a new concept advice" / "Tips from learning using multiple resources" / "Tips on learning programming with ChatGPT" / "Harvard University Free IT Courses" / "The Udemy courses I use" / "Free Programming Books" / "Coding Advice for beginners" / "800 free Computer Science classes"

Online Presence

Share your learning progress and projects on various platforms like Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, or YouTube. Employers often appreciate candidates who actively showcase their work and commitment to learning. I made a post for Tumblr coding blogs:

Link: "Codeblr Blog Advice: 8 Blog Coding Post Ideas"

Good luck!!

[skyewritesstuff]

cruel summer (kenny's version)

my masterlist.

entry 4 in my (taylor’s version) songfic series.

summary: a detailed account of your summer fling with kenny mccormick.

pairing: kenny mccormick x reader (college!au kinda)

fandom: south park

warnings:  implied nsfw. substance use (alc/weed/nic). language. vomiting.

notes: based on cruel summer by taylor swift. this was not beta read. we die like kenny.

word count: 7.9k

It all started and ended in Kenny McCormick’s rundown, single cab pickup truck. It was summer time and Kenny’s main friend group had all separated for this one lone week despite everyone being home from college. Stan was still on the outskirts of town at Tegridy Farms. Eric had been dragged out of state to visit family. Kyle was in Denver doing a week-long intensive course. 

Kenny was in community college, about to wrap up an associates in computer sciences, a few classes short of graduation. He was also working full-time at the local Best Buy doing tech support, but somehow he’d managed to have three days off in a row towards the end of the week. However, this had to be the worst time for him to have next-to-nothing to do.

You were in Marjorine’s bathroom, standing over her as she sat on the toilet, pink dye that was scented like lemon drop candy was coating the ends of her naturally blonde hair when your phone rang.

“Marj, can you see who that is and let me decide whether or not I”m gonna get you to answer that?”

The blonde girl laughed, “Sure thing!”

She grabbed your phone and looked at the screen, “It’s Kenny!”

“Kenny McCormick?” 

You said that like there was any other Kenny in your hometown. There was no confusion in your question, though, just a slight bit of disbelief. You’d had feelings for Kenny since high school that’d been a long-kept secret for various reasons. First, you thought Marjorine liked him, but apparently not. In reality, Marjorine is just a helpless romantic who has a slight attraction to all of her friends, you included. Then, he ended up in a weird situationship with Tammy Mullins and then “cheated” on Tammy Mullins with his ex, Tammy Warner, if you can even cheat on a fuckbuddy. 

Kenny didn’t have the most savory reputation in South Park when it came to women. He was a flirt who made it known to everyone how much he liked the ladies and with his charm and rugged looks, he oftentimes was able to pull any girl that he fed the right line to. You felt like it was pointless to pursue him, because you’d inevitably get your heartbroken and look like an idiot much like Tammy Mullins when she attempted to beat the ever living shit out of Tammy Warner for the aforementioned incident. 

“Aren’t you going to answer it?” Marjorine spoke in a sing-song voice that let you know that she was highly anticipating overhearing this conversation.

You rolled your eyes, “Go ahead.”

Marjorine swiped the answer bar, “Well hi, Ken!”

“Hi, Barbie!” Kenny didn’t miss a beat, a chuckle to his voice, “Where’s Y/N?”

“I’m right here. What’s up, Kenny?” You spoke, distracting your nerves by finishing up Marjorine’s hair and making sure that the color was evenly spread with meticulous attention to detail.

“Just wanted to see if you ladies wanted to chill at Stark’s Pond later. The guys are all out of town doing fuck knows what and I have like...three days off of work and I’ve already bored myself to death.”

“You mean to tell me you’ve already gotten bored with jacking off and hitting up girls on Snap? Are you feeling okay, bud?” You said with a smirk, eliciting a gasp at your language from the blonde sitting underneath you.

“Ha ha…hilarious. I haven’t jacked it at all today. I’m waiting to see you in a bikini at the pond so I can have that mental image to cross that off my list.”

“Cute.”

“Gross, Ken!”

He chuckled again, “Are you guys coming or what?”

You looked at Marjorine and she looked at you. Before you could contemplate a response, she replied for you, “We’ll be there! Does 3:00 work?”

You shot her a look and she grinned mischievously. “Yeah, for sure. You make sure to look cute too, Marj. I’ve got a lot of free time coming up.” You could hear his smirk through the phone, earning him another eye roll.

“Oh shut it, Kenny. We’ll see you later.” 

“Okay! Love you guys, bye!”

“Love you too!” Marjorine replied, hanging up the phone and looking over her shoulder at you with a smile.

“I hate you.”

“Nuh uh.”

“I’m going to drown you when I rinse you.”

“Oh, hamburgers.”

A few hours later, you were in your room putting on high waisted black bikini bottoms with a black and white striped top as you were trying to call Marjorine to determine whether or not the suit was too modest or just right. You’d called several times, but she still wasn’t answering. You turned your attention to your hair, putting it in two braids, when you finally heard your ringtone.

“Hey, are you okay? I tried calling like a hundred times.” You spoke over speaker phone, starting on your other braid.

“Yeah, I suppose I’m alright…well, a little anyway.” She sounded sad. You’d be willing to bet the $500 sitting in your savings account that you knew where this conversation was going. 

“What happened?” 

“Well, you see, my dad was real sore about my hair. He said it made me look cheap and…”

“You’re grounded…”

“Yeah…”

You sighed, “Marj, we’re twenty. Your dad can’t ground you forever.” 

She sighed back, “I know…I keep hoping that maybe he’ll stop the older I get, but really, I’m getting older everyday and he’s not stopping!”

You groaned, flopping back on your bed, “So, I’m just going to go hang out with Kenny alone…”

“You say that like you haven’t wanted to date him since we were in high school.” Marjorine said, a smile clearly perking up on her face. You could tell by her tone.

“Yeah, but like..” You tried to start replying back.

“But nothing! Go and have a good time!” she said, “And use protection!”

“Marjorine!” You gasped, shaking your head at her response.

“I’m just saying.” She replied. Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the door.

“Marjorine, are you on your phone?!” Her father’s voice boomed.

“No, dad…I’m just…uh…talking to myself!” She replied back nervously. You could hear her father barking out orders at her to stay quiet and to think about what she’d done. Quickly, she wished you luck and ended the call.

You looked at your phone, noticing it was almost time for you to leave and decided that you would start gathering your things so that you could go. Once you arrived, you immediately noticed Kenny’s truck. It was an older model with rusted parts, chipped paint, and numerous crude and comedic stickers littering both the back glass and the door to the bed.

Part of you wanted him to not show up. Sure, you’d been harboring a crush on Kenny, but to think you’d be able to pull him? There was no way. He liked girls with big boobs, curves, full lips, and gorgeous skin. Compared to those girls, you just felt normal, like there was nothing special about you. You’d been told you were beautiful, funny, and smart, but going after Kenny still felt futile.

You parked next to his truck and then got out, walking towards the pond with your bag in hand. You soon noticed the blonde boy laying on a tattered quilt blanket. He was wearing only orange swim trunks and a pair of aviator sunglasses. His head turned toward you and he did a double take, tossing his hand up to greet you.

You walked over and sat your bag down next to the blanket. Kenny let out a soft wolf-whistle. “Baby, baby, baby…” He said, “I thought the view of the pond was beautiful, but you’ve got it beat.”

You rolled your eyes, sitting down on the blanket. “You’re full of it, Ken.” you said. He chuckled, shaking his head, “I’m just observing.”

“Uh huh…”

“Where’s Marj?” 

“Grounded”

“Shit…I mean, that sucks, but hey…” He turned on his side to look at you, “At least we get some time just you and me, right?”

Your chest tightened and you took a deep breath, “Mhmmm…”

“So…you seeing anyone?”

You rolled your eyes again. He was always so flirty with everyone. This was his baseline. You had to keep this at the front of your mind and just roll with his advances and play along with the game he was initiating. 

You shook your head, taking out your sunscreen. You twisted the nozzle so that it would spray and went over your arms, chest, and legs. Kenny held his hand out and you handed the bottle to him, expecting him to apply a coat to his already tanned skin. Instead, he sat up and slid behind you and sprayed your back.

“What are you…?” You lost your train of thought as he reached up and started gently rubbing it into your back.

Your breath hitched in your throat, “U-Uh…it’s…it’s touch free…”

“Oh?” He said. You could hear the smirk in his voice, “I didn’t read the bottle.” He leaned in closer to you until his breath was on your ear, “My bad…”

A shiver ran down your spine and he laughed under his breath again, moving back to the blanket. “So, why’d Clyde say he’d been talking to you if you’re single, then?”

“Because he’s full of shit.” 

It was a plain reply to the question because that was the honest truth. Clyde tended to be a bit of an attention seeker and this kind of behavior was a norm with him almost as much as being flirtatious was to Kenny. 

“Interesting…” Kenny laughed, “I think you should take that up with him.”

“It’s not that serious.” You laughed, laying back on the blanket, turning your head to look at him.

“I think you should tell him that you’re not talking to him because you’re talking to me.”

“Lie to end a lie?”

“Doesn’t have to be a lie.”

“You’re something else, you know that, right?”

The small talk and banter between the two of you went on for what felt like minutes, but upon looking at the clock on your lockscreen, you found out it’d been hours. The sun was starting to set and the two of you were the last people remaining at the pond.

“We should go get food.” You suggested, gesturing towards him with his sunglasses that you were holding, having taken them from him hours ago upon realizing that yours had been left in Marjorine’s car days ago.

“Or we could skinny dip and then get food.” He retorted, shrugging as if he didn’t ask you to get naked in public with him.

“You’re insane.”

“Some people would find that hot, you know?”

“Pretty sure skinny dipping is illegal.”

“No guts, no glory…plus, our police force is a joke. I think we’ll be fine.”

“You think.”

Kenny got up from the blanket and started down to the water. He turned towards you and smirked. “I know…” He then jumped into the water, making a large splash that landed on the blanket and your legs.

He re-emerged only seconds later and held his swim trunks over his head. “Kenny!” You gasped.

“Yes?” His smile was absolutely devious. You got up and walked to the edge of the water only for him to pull his hand back and send his swim trunks launching towards you, only landing on your feet due to the weight of the water in the fabric.

You couldn’t think of anything else to say so you just crossed your arms over your chest and watched the blonde who was currently smiling so widely you could finally see the small gap in his smile from his missing tooth. You had to admit…the colors and lighting of the sunset mixed with the beads of water rolling down his shoulders and his wet hair…If Kenny was anything, it was beautiful.

“Take a picture sweetheart, it’ll last longer.” You’d gotten caught. You took a hard swallow, choosing not to respond to his comment. “Man, this water is getting cold…it’d be nice if someone else would join me so I could suck up their body heat.”

He couldn’t be that desperate. You sighed, “Okay…okay…”

You jumped in, resurfacing right in front of him moments later. He grinned playfully. “Lucky me.” He closed the gap between you two, wrapping his arms around your waist and bringing your body in close to him.

“You are ridiculous.” You tried to sound stern, but you couldn’t help but form a smile at his reaction to your presence. He seemed genuinely happy to have you in the water with him with your bodies so close together…but of course he does. It’s Kenny. Something like this is his idea of paradise. You were brought back to your thoughts earlier about Kenny’s baseline and his affinity for the ladies.

“You still with me?” he asked, noticing how your thoughts had drifted from your current position to the depths of your mind. You turned your attention back to him, “Yeah, I was just…thinking…”

“Bout what?” he asked, reaching up to play with the end of your hair delicately, 

“You”

“Me? Huh, it really is my lucky day, isn’t it?”

“Who says it’s good?”

“Well, damn, the thought didn’t cross my mind, but I guess you’re right.” He chuckled.

He leaned in, his lips curved up in a smirk as he leaned in in an attempt to kiss you. You reached up with two fingers and pressed them to his lips to stop him. He pulled back and laughed, shaking his head.

“You’re naked in a pond with me right now…I don’t think that should be our first kiss.”

“So, you’re telling me that if I put my clothes back on, you’d kiss me?” 

“We’ll see…”

“I never thought I’d want to get my clothes back on with you instead of staying naked.” he said.

A few minutes later, Kenny was redressed and you’d dried off and put the t-shirt he’d come to the pond in over your suit. It was now fully dark, the only light coming from his headlights after he’d turned the car on. 

“So…where do you wanna go for food?” he asked, leaning against the car. You shrugged and stood beside him, leaning your back against the vehicle as well. “I”m up for anything, really. I’m not picky. Anything beats frozen waffles for the fourth time this week.”

“McDonald’s?” You questioned, earning a nod in response from the blonde.

“Before we go, though…you said that if we weren’t naked and in the pond you’d kiss me.”

You let out a deep breath from your nose and looked at him, not responding, but raising both eyebrows questioning him ever so slightly.

“So…can we?” He grinned.

“Why do you want to kiss me anyway? You can have your pick of any girl in South Park…or have you just blown through all of your options over the years and I’m the last girl on the list?” You questioned, “It’s not like you’ve actively tried pursuing me before. Why now?”

Kenny looked taken aback by your question, “I…” He paused, as if trying to gather his thoughts. You must’ve honestly thrown him a curveball he was never expecting. “I don’t know…guess I thought you’d never go for me. You’re kind of too good for me. At least, that’s what Marj says.”

“Marj? What’d she say?”

“Oh, I told her I wanted to ask you out like…Christmastime-ish…and she was like ‘Nah, she’s too smart and too good for you. She won’t put up with your shit.’ and one night, after smoking a blunt, I thought some more about it and realized that she’s probably right and that you’re not going to put up with my shit and that even though you’re totally one of the most gorgeous girls I’ve ever seen I…”

You cut him off by leaning in to kiss his lips. He smiled against your lips and instantly kissed back, moving over you to lean you even further back against the hood of his truck, resting both arms on each side of your head until one hand slid down and came to rest on your hip, hooking his finger into your belt loop to pull you in closer. You kept kissing him, letting your hands slide down his bare chest, a shiver running down your spine at the small moan that left his lips as your hands moved. Finally, you had to pull back to catch your breath.

You took a second, just looking at him, your E/C eyes staring into his baby blues. Then, you spoke up, “I'm still not putting up with your shit, though.” You both laughed in response and he shrugged his shoulders.

“Makes sense.” He said, leaning in to kiss you again. The kiss once again turned heated, you locking a leg around his waist and his hands traveling past the hem of his shirt that you were wearing to caress the slightly exposed skin of your abdomen and then move to your back, reaching up to play with the tie on your bathing suit. You stopped him, putting a hand up to his arm to get his attention.

“Shit…” He shook his head, “I”m sorry, I–”

“Don’t apologize.” You began, “I just think it’d be a little more private in the truck.”

That’s how you found yourself on your back in the cramped single cab of Kenny’s truck for the first time that summer. His lips were traveling down your body and your chest was rising and falling at a rapidly increasing pace the further he maneuvered himself downward. You glanced down at him and met his eyes as he looked up at you, his fingers hooked themselves in the sides of your swimsuit bottoms. He shifted his position a little as he was still partially standing outside of the truck. 

You could barely make out his features in the dim overhead light of the truck, but you could notice how his eyes were a deeper shade of blue than earlier. His face was flushed, his shaggy mullet was even messier from the presence of your hands, and he was wearing a shit-eating grin that looked absolutely devious, but you could’ve sworn you’d never seen anything more attractive and enticing in your life.

“G-Go ahead…”

From that point forward, any nights off you both shared were spent in either his bed, the backseat of your car, or the bed of his truck. You remembered recalling the first two weeks to Marjorine after finally deciding that things were stable enough to share with at least your best friend.

You didn’t notice that she was about to take a sip of her can of soda when you casually stated “Kenny and I are like…seeing each other…well, if fucking counts as seeing each other.” Marjorine promptly started coughing, the bright green can of Mountain Dew coming back to the carpet of her floor as she tried to regain her composure. 

“Excuse me, what?”

Despite the harsh way that you would describe your encounters with the blonde, the affairs themselves were anything but. Kenny was nothing but a gentleman to you, always asking if you were alright, taking care of you afterwards, and only getting rougher with your permission. Even then, he’d talk you through it, ensuring you felt safe and comfortable no matter what. It didn’t take too long into your “relationship” for the crush you’d been harboring for years to evolve into full feelings.

Your kisses became more passionate and more frequent. Your touches became more forward and increased in frequency as well. As far as you could tell, Kenny was eating it up and taking it all in and there was no doubt in your mind that he absolutely felt the same. After consulting with Marjorine one night, you decided to finally ask Kenny the burning question.

“What are we?”

You didn’t expect the question to hang in the air the way that it did. You were sitting up in your bed, knees pulled into your chest wearing only his t-shirt and a pair of panties. Kenny was redressing himself after Cartman disrupted the nap you two had been taking by blowing up his phone, asking him to help him with some ridiculous scheme since Marjorine wasn’t answering her phone.

He turned back to you looking like a deer in the headlights. “What do you mean?” he asked as if the question wasn’t clear cut as is. You let out a mild sigh of frustration. Kenny wasn’t stupid by any means. Despite the rumors, you’d see his grades when he’d log on and check them and he was able to hack into just about any video game to make mods to fit any desire he may have during gameplay. 

“Are we like…together, or?”

“Like…dating?” He was buttoning up the tacky orange Hawaiian shirt he’d been wearing, completely missing a button, obviously jarred by this conversation.

“I mean, yeah.” It came out like a question when it was definitely a statement. 

He leaned against your dresser, sliding on his slip on Vans, “I mean…I don’t know.” He shrugged, “We do like…everything couples do…but I hadn’t put much thought into it.”

“You haven’t put much thought into it?” You repeated, dumbfounded at this response. He’d started saying something else, but it sounded like white noise to your ears and you quickly cut him off, “You’ve had a month and a half of spending many nights a week balls deep in me and you haven’t taken a single second to think ‘Hey, would I actually like to date this person or am I just wasting both of our time and fucking them until something better comes along?’”

Kenny really looked shocked now. Somewhere in your rant, he’d started re-buttoning his shirt, but he stopped midway when you started talking and was now looking at you with both sides of the shirt in his hand and his eyes blown wide in shock. He finally let go of the shirt to run his hands over his face.

“Y/N…”

“Kenny, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me…”

“What…like…I just…I don’t know and Marj has been asking me the same thing and like…I haven’t even told anyone, if I'm honest.”

“Kenny what the fuck!?” Your voice was getting louder, “Why am I some secret of yours? Is it so you can go around and fuck other girls like you’d been doing? I told you, I”m not putting up with your bullshit.”

“Oh my god…” He groaned, throwing his head back, “Listen, it’s not like that. I just…I don’t know. That’s it. I don’t know.”

Tears were welling up in your eyes, “Just get out, Kenny.”

“But…”

“Go.”

He shrugged and let out a sigh, “Okay…fine. See you around.”

As soon as you could hear the tell-tale aged, loud roar of his truck’s engine, you dissolved into tears. You pulled his shirt over your head and threw it at the wall, burying yourself under your covers as your tears turned into full sobs. How could you have been so stupid? Everything you’d ever heard about him was true and Marjorine was right. You deserved better than him.

Weeks had passed since your breakup, if you could even call it that, with Kenny. You hadn’t spoken to him since and made sure to avoid him at all costs. You were not about to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he’d hurt you.

 It was now nearing the middle of August and the now-annual college send-off party at Tegridy Farms was rolling around signaling the end of summer and the parting of ways of all of your childhood friends that happened at this time of year.

“I still don’t want to go.” You said plainly, looking at your reflection in the mirror that hung from your bedroom door.

“It’s a tradition, Y/N and we always have fun! Remember last year when Mr. Marsh got on the karaoke machine and started singing Nicki Minaj and blacked out and broke the coffee table right before the best part of the song?” Marjorine stated, touching up her black eyeliner.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s a good spot to people watch. Maybe Clyde will get shitfaced again and end up screaming and crying for Bebe to take him back and then throw up in the yard, still crying.” You chuckled.

“See, that just makes me sad. He loves her so much and she just uses that boy whenever she wants something because he’s got money.” Marjorine glanced over at you, “Clyde’s got man written by a woman energy.”

You chuckled, “Marj, just because he’s kinda got a dad bod at 20, is sensitive, and is a male Swiftie doesn’t mean that he’s written by a woman. He killed his mom because he wouldn’t put the toilet seat down. That’s giving Mojo Dojo Casa House.”

“Ken was written by a woman, though!”

Not realizing she was following up your reference, you scoffed, “Oh, he most definitely is not. He’s written by some middle aged man that thinks shock value and sex jokes are still funny at their big-old-age.” 

“No, he’s not! Ken is just a himbo! He…” She paused and then realized what you’d said, “Oh…oh hamburgers…not the same Ken. I’m sorry.”

You realize what you’d said too, “My bad. I just…whew…I had a whole response to that. I’m so sorry, Marj.”

“It’s fine…and I agree. All of the broship were written by men of different ages…except Kyle…”

You stopped applying mascara to think about what she’d said and then nodded, “Sheila Brovlofski is the greatest author of our generation.”

The music was already blaring from inside when you pulled up to Tegridgy farms. Once you got out of your car, you could already smell the weed pouring outside. Typical party at Tegridgy. You reached into the pocket of your denim jacket and pulled out your vape, taking a few hits to calm your nerves. You knew, without a doubt, that you’d be running into Kenny tonight, and you weren’t sure how to handle it.

As you both approached the door, you knew you had to make up your mind sooner rather than later as to how you were going to handle this. In true fight, flight, or freeze nature, you could either avoid him at all costs, turn away and ignore him if he approaches you, or just freeze up and end up talking to him like nothing was wrong…and at this point, there was no telling as to what you’d choose.

You walked inside with your hands in your pockets, looking around to scope out the general area. There was a makeshift dance floor where multiple of your peers were either dancing or standing around, two tables of beer pong, and then the kitchen where the counters were littered with various alcohol bottles and almost artistic looking bongs.

You headed over to the counter and took a hold of the ingredients to make one of the only drinks you could confidently make for yourself: a tequila sunrise. You made yourself a double and Marjorine a single and handed it to her. “Aw, shucks, I really shouldn’t…you know how much of a light weight I am.” she said, staring into the cup, “Last time was bad…”

You chuckled, “It wasn’t that bad. You just called Eric sexy in front of a bunch of people which isn’t necessarily like…morally wrong or bad…just questionable and objectively incorrect.” You took a large sip of your drink, trying to get the alcohol to kick in as quickly as possible in case of an inevitable emergency and to drown the still lingering sorrows from that day in your bedroom.

Within the first hour of being there, you’d drank the double tequila sunrise you’d made for yourself, taken an old fashioned that Tolkien was preparing for multiple people, and had been consistently refilling your red cup with the jungle juice someone (Kenny) had prepared and put into several empty milk cartons of all things. Now, you were currently positioned at a bright green and black bong, taking a hit before passing it to one of the goth kids. Michael? Pete? Did it really matter? No, as long as it wasn’t Kenny.

You got up, fully preparing to just stride out of the kitchen and go find Marjorine but found out oh too quickly that you were too inebriated to stand up that quickly. You stumbled, vision a little blurry and your entire body feeling fuzzy.

“You okay?” The goth kid got up and leaned against his cane, extending his hand to you.

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m so good. I’m great, actually.” You blew him off, grabbing your cup and taking another sip as you stumbled off towards the living room where the couches and dance floor were. You flopped down on the couch next to a boy you were actually quite familiar with. His shaggy, dark hair was peeking out of his blue and yellow chullo and he was cutting his eyes over at you almost cautiously, as if he were afraid of you doing something.

“Hey Craig!” You slurred, leaning over onto him.

“Hey, Y/N.” His voice was as monotone as ever and he kept looking around and then over at you.

“Where’s Tweek?” You asked, reaching up to play with the side of his chullo as you put your legs into his lap. The brunette took a deep breath to gain his composure, “He got a little anxious so he’s outside smoking with Bebe. Do you need something?”

“Nuh uh…I'm so good!” You said, inching closer to him.

“Uh huh…sure you are.” His eyes stayed forward despite your close proximity to his face.

“You’re so hot, you know that right?” You said.

He fully turned to you, face burning red, riddled with shock. He was about to respond, when all of a sudden a flash of an orange hoodie dropped down on the arm of the couch next to him.

“Craig Tucker, what’s up, dude?”

“Ugh, not this guy.” Your tone shifted and your lack of filter continued.

“I know…you’re mad at me, sweetheart…but I promise, you’re going to be madder at yourself in the morning.” he laughed and then looked at Craig, “Swap with me.”

Craig muttered something. You only caught, “Good luck” as he got up and reached into his pocket, taking out a box of cigarettes as he headed towards the back porch.

“Get away from me.”

“I'm not trying anything. I’m just trying to keep you safe, because you’re kinda getting messy. I’ve been there, done that…and I just don’t want you to end up trying to fuck Cartman too.”

“I wasn’t trying to fuck, Craig! You’re such a fucking idiot!”

“Babe, relax. I was talking about Marj…New Years Eve.” He leaned his head back on the back of the couch, looking over at you. You could tell that despite his ability to hold a consistent conversation, his eyes were bloodshot. He’d most likely been smoking.

“You okay?” he asked, his tone turning more serious and soft.

“I”m fine.” You took your phone out of your pocket and attempted to unlock it, or so you thought, until Kenny reached over and snatched the phone away, pressing some buttons before sliding it in his pocket.

“Hey, give that back!”

“Babygirl, you were about to summon the pigs. Randy would’ve shit his pants.” he chuckled, “Pretty sure that’s a dead giveaway that you’re not okay.”

“This is a weed farm, not like an actual farm. There’s no pigs.”

Kenny laughed rather loudly, “You are absolutely right, baby. That it is. Thanks to me.”

“Stop calling me that.” You said, crossing your arms over your chest, “And give me my fucking phone back!”

He shook his head, “Can’t do that…either of those things, actually.”

“Fine.” You stood up and walked off. It must’ve taken Kenny a moment to process, because you got a little bit of a head start before he caught up with you in a hallway, where you stumbled slightly and then ended up leaning against the wall. 

You were dizzy and your body felt both light and heavy all at once. You wrapped your arms around yourself, craving some kind of pressure. You started to slide down the wall when you felt someone’s hand on your arm, following you down until you were both on the floor with whoever it was’ arms wrapped around you giving you the physical touch you’d been desiring.

“I’ve got you. You’re fine.”

You groaned. Of course, it was Kenny. You wanted to pull away, but instead you flopped over onto him, laying your head on his shoulder. He gently trailed his fingers down your bare arm, your jacket long since missing in the chaos of the party. 

“You just sleepy or do you feel like you’re going to be sick or something?” he asked softly. You shook your head, “No. Where’s my fucking vape?”

Kenny chuckled lowly, “I don’t know, babe. Did you bring it in with you?”

You nodded, wrapping an arm around his middle, “My jacket.”

“You’re not wearing a jacket.”

“I am.”

“You definitely aren’t. You’re wearing a sparkly pink dress.” He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to your exposed shoulder, “See, no jacket.”

You let out a whimper of disgust before Kenny reached into his pocket and handed you a hunter green colored vape pen, “It’s not your peach mango whatever the fuck that shit you smoke is, but…”

“Ugh, it’s menthol. Just give it to me.”

“How’d you remember that?” 

You shrugged and took a long hit, holding it for a moment before exhaling. You handed the pen back to him and watched as several people walked by, barely missing stepping on you or tripping over your feet. Kenny took notice of this and started to stand, helping you up along the way.

“No, I wanna sit.” You slurred, shaking your head.

“Why don’t we go home…” He said, “My parents are out for the night doing fuck knows what and Karen’s at her friend’s. It’ll just be us and you can get some sleep.”

When you were back on your feet, you shook your head, “No…I'm not sleeping with you. Not again, not after all that shit.” 

“No, no, no…not like that. I wouldn’t do that. I meant like…actually sleep.” He corrected himself, putting an arm around your waist as he started subtly leading you towards the door.

“Stop…why are you holding me? You don’t even like me!” You were starting to get louder as you spoke and Kenny looked at you with concern. He tightened his grip on you as you walked down the steps and headed towards his truck, hoping you wouldn’t fall.

“I do like you! I wouldn’t be helping you if I didn’t.”

“No, like…like me, like me…you dont like me.”

“Y/N…”

“Just shut up, Kenny.” You opened his truck door and flopped yourself in, slamming the door haphazardly behind you. Kenny pinched the bridge of his nose before walking to the other side of the truck, getting in and starting the engine. He leaned over and buckled you in and then took off his hoodie, leaving him in a white wife beater. He folded it up and then nudged you gently.

“Sit up.”

You moved a little away from your position of leaning up against the window long enough for him to slide the hoodie under your head. However, as soon as he positioned it, you sat up and pulled it down. You unbuckled your seatbelt and threw the hoodie onto your body. 

You heard Kenny mutter some curse words as he stopped backing out of the spot he was parked in to reach over and buckle you back into the seat with a sigh. You were about halfway to Kenny’s house when you felt your chest tighten. At first, you thought you were going to throw up. You were about to reach over and get Kenny’s attention so that he could pull over when you realized what was truly building inside of you and you broke down in tears.

Your head went into your hands as you sobbed. “What the…” Kenny spoke under his breath, turning his attention from the road to you briefly, reaching over to put his hand on your back, rubbing small circles.

“Hey…no…shhh…what’s got you so upset, babygirl?” he asked.

“Stop it!” You sobbed, reaching behind you to swat his hand away, “Stop saying that. Stop touching me. You don’t love me, so stop it!”

Kenny was silent momentarily, “What’s gotten into you? Like, I know we haven’t seen each other since that day in your room…and that’s my fault. I should’ve like…reached out or something, but I thought you hated me and…I promise. I fucking promise…I didn’t mean for it to come out the way that it did.”

“How else could it come out?” You cried, “You basically admitted that you didn’t want to be in a relationship with me and only wanted to fuck me even though I wanted to be with you and then you told me that you hadn’t told anyone about us probably because you wanted to fuck every girl you could this summer before they all packed it up and went back to college. That’s fucking ridiculous, Kenny. I thought the whole ‘McWhoremick” thing was like…a joke or like…the way your friends shit on you, but Jesus Christ.”

“I hadn’t told anyone because I didn’t know what we were and like…I knew that I liked you, but I didn’t know what else to do about it because Marj had told me so many times that you could do better and like…especially after that fight in your room…I knew you could do better so I just…tried to let you find that better? I don’t know. I really don’t know.”

“You never know! That’s the problem! How do you not know? You either love me or you don’t!”

“I just…”

You scoffed, “I love you! I love you. Is that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?”

He was silent for ages, only saying something about how you were drunk a mere seconds after your confession. You didn’t know at what point you’d pulled into Kenny’s driveway, but as soon as you registered where you were, you got out of the car and tried to storm towards the door, but stumbled, falling to your knees on the pavement. The sting of the scrape only added to your tears. You reached up and wiped your eyes, your crying becoming quieter as you were lifted to your feet by the boy who pulled you into his arms, running his fingers through your hair, pressing a kiss to your temple.

“It’s okay. You’re okay. Let's get you inside. We’ll clean your knees up…and wash your makeup off…and get you some water…and you can lay down.”

And that’s exactly what he did for you. You walked in and almost immediately collapsed onto his bed. He took this opportunity to clean your scraped knees and then got you up into a sitting position and helped you change into his hoodie and a spare pair of his boxers. You were half-asleep by the time that he took a makeup wipe to your face and started wiping the messy makeup off of your features. 

Lastly, Kenny got you situated in his bed, pulling the covers up and kissing your forehead. “I’m right here on the floor if you need anything. Popcorn bowl is on the floor. Water bottle is right next to it. Please, wake me up if you need me. I’ll be fine.”

You nodded in agreement, but then spoke up, “Can you stay with me?”

“Huh?” he asked, looking up at you from where he was sitting on the floor.

“Please sleep with me…” You said, reaching out towards him.

He chuckled, “You sure?”

You nodded again and scooted over to make room for him. He slid into the bedsheets and carefully positioned himself next to you, allowing you to move over and lay with your head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around you and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep.

The next few hours were littered with infrequent bouts of sleep mixed with burying your face into the popcorn bowl as your stomach purged itself of the alcohol that remained in your system, running to the bathroom on the few chances you felt you could make it, crying, and drinking water. The entire time, Kenny held you, held your hair back, and wiped your face with a cool washcloth. 

By the time you woke up the next day around 1PM, you were still exhausted, not feeling well, and fairly lost in regards to the events of last night. You just knew that you woke up with Kenny wrapped around you and you were in his hoodie and boxers and you prayed to whatever higher power may be out there that you hadn’t fucked him again.

You sat up and ran a hand through your hair, looking around until your eyes fell on your charging phone laying on the ground. You picked it up and saw two texts from Marjorine on top.

She’ll be okay.

Hehehe I knew it ;)

“What?” you whispered, unlocking your phone. You went straight to Marjorine’s text thread. Under your last response to her, a “kk!” from when she arrived at your house before the party, there was a longish thread of messages that clearly went between her and Kenny.

Where are you? I’ve been looking for you for an hour! Are you okay?

Hey, Marj. Thanks for giving me her passcode. My phone died right after I called you and I put her phone on the charger in my room. I can charge mine when she wakes up.

Is she okay? Omg.

Yeah, just going back between screaming, crying, and throwing up…literally. At least she started that once we’d already left or it would’ve been real bad. 

Bless her heart! What’d you say to get her so upset?

It wasn’t me! Damn. She just got upset…about us…and then screamed at me that she loved me.

And you said?

Nothing. She was drunk. 

Drunk words are sober thoughts. ;)

So, you think Cartman is sexy, huh?

Oh my goddddd stop. That isn’t true and this isn’t about me. What do you think of her?

I…might’ve realized I fucked up literally the night we had that fight…and I haven’t known what to do about it…so…I just…loved her in secret and accepted that she deserved better. I’m just worried she’s going to wake up and like…regret saying all of this and like trying to have this conversation with me again.

She’ll be okay.

Hehehe I knew it ;)

Your chest felt full and tight all at the same time and your eyes soon fell upon the sleeping blonde, who was still wrapped around you despite you sitting upright at this point. You reached down and ran your fingers through his hair gently. A few passes through his blonde locks and he stirred, looking up at you.

“Morning, beautiful.” he spoke groggily, “You okay?”

You nodded, “Just tired…”

“Mm…come lay back down then. Let's go back to bed.”

It was your turn to smirk over at him, “You love me, huh?”

“What?”

You pulled up the texts again, showing him and then reading his own words to him verbatim, “So…I just…loved her in secret and accepted that she deserved better.”

“Hey, that’s a private conversation!” he laughed.

“On my phone…” You retorted.

“Yeah!”

“So, do you love me?” You moved back down to laying next to him, turned on your side, propped up on your elbow. He blushed, lips curving back up into his famous devious grin.

“Ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?”

“I think I've heard worse.”

With a giggle and a kiss to his lips, your relationship with Kenny transitioned just as the seasons outside had started to move from the bright colors of an otherwise dark summer for you to the warm, comforts of fall…all starting and ending in that beat-up pickup. 

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

What doesn't kill me makes me want you more

[satureja13]

Rubyn and Ji Ho are busy. To prepare the devices for Vlad's and Ji Ho's meteorites, Rubyn neglected their discovery from the telescope the other day: the asteroid pairs!

So instead of doing school stuff, Ji Ho assists Rubyn to find out more about those asteroid pairs and which secrets they hold. They agreed to declare this as science class ^^' Ji Ho: "Sorry Little Goat. Vlad has to care for you."

A few hours later. Ji Ho: "Uhm Rubyn... I found an entry about a certain Professor Callahan...It seems he predicted a meteorite pair impact in Chestnut Ridge on the date our meteorites crashed down... but about a hundred years ago ö.Ö' "

Rubyn: "WHAT? How is this possible? Even with our advanced telescopes and computers we didn't see them coming! What kind of entry is this?" Ji Ho clicked around but there were no further links or references... A few hateful comments under the article from years ago said this was fake. But we know it wasn't...

Rubyn: "This is a mystery!"

TMI: Even though asteroid Dinkinesh was discovered over 20 years ago, they only found out beginning of this month that it is a binary asteroid! There's still so much to discover. (And what a coincidence when we are just having a asteroid/meteorite special about meteorite pairs!)

From the Beginning  ~  Underwater Love ~  Latest 'Putting the Boys Back together' from the beginning -> here Previous Chapter: 'Disbandment of the Group' from the beginning -> here

[ikanasocking]

A new realtionship

So here is another tf story. This one contains straigh to gay content, some weight gain and socks tf. If one of this is not to your liking, you should not read it. I hope you enjoy it and can read over all the spelling mistakes.

A new relationship:

There was not a lot going on between the two guys. Or so they thought at least for a long time. Until their relationship was moved to the next level. But let’s start from the top.

They guys in question are Jake and Leo. Leo the nerdy looking scrawny guy who liked to spend his days gaming away, but still taking care of his body. Going for a jog every day and twice the week into the gym to keep his body maintained. Mostly he did cardio but sometimes he even tried to build some muscle. But his biggest quality was his smarts. With a degree in computer science. He love programming and creating his own gamey and challenges to keep his mind fit and working.

Jake on the other hand struggled a lot with his studies. He tried to obtain a degree in the same as Leo, because his parents wanted him to do it. But even from his looks would not think of him as a smart guy. He was more interested in art, sports and more creative things. Sometimes he sat down and began writing poems or texts to keep his mind from all the misery that was around him. His well toned and defined body gave him the look of a stereotypical jock. And this was what people actually saw in him. A dumb guy who did nothing else then working out. But that he did all of this, because he could not keep up with all the expectations from others, no one saw or even cared to see in him.

No one besides Leo. He noticed all the poems and texts Jake forgot to put away sometimes. Even his diary was sometimes lying in the living room. Opened up on the last page, where Jake made his last entry. Even though he knew better, Leo began reading through all the pages. And that was when he learned something about Jake. He loved men. Often Jake was asked why he was still single. With his looks he should be able to get all the ladies. Jake laughed it off, mostly and responded that he did not found the right girl. So this was not a lie. He did in fact not found the right girl, which happens to be a guy. Leo wondered why Jake never talked about it. Was he too scared? For a few months Leo ignored all the facts and did not talk to Jake about it, building up courage to get into this topic with him. But even after all these months he did not come up with something good. Then one night, he had an idea. He created an online survey just for Jake. He would have to enter different answers which would help Leo to get to know him better and maybe get him to a point where he got all information he needed. He got to work and a few hours later he was ready.

The next day he gave Jake the link and made up a friend that was in need of help with a social survey that she needed for her studies. All his answers would be handled confidential and all the stuff. Sceptical at first, Jake agreed to it and took some time to fill out the survey. He was a little bit surprised on what this friend was working actually. It looked more like a survey for an online dating platform. Asking for his orientations, what a partner would need to bring into a relationship. Even a whole bunch of free text to talk about his kinks. Not knowing any better and thinking that Leo would never make him do anything that would embarrass him, he filled it all out with the honest truth. He shot Leo a message, informing him that he had filled out everything that was asked of him. Leo thanked him and began browsing through all the answers.

“All right let’s see”, Leo said to himself and began scrolling.

He was shocked when he saw that Jake had filled everything out. Even the whole section about his kinks. The first answers were nothing interesting. Jake just confirmed that he was gay. Looking for a guy that would be honest with him and stuff like this. Nothing out of the ordinary. But then came a few things that Leo was surprised to see. Jake mentioned that he had a guy he had feelings for and the description was fitting on Leo. Impossible for Leo to believe that Jake would consider having feelings for him he kept looking deeper. And there was a part in the kink section that took him completely off guard. Jake was writing about loving to have a guy taking care of his socked feet. Living to serve him and having no other place then on the ground at his feet. The other kink was more about being not the athlete he was right now. He wanted to be lazier and fatter. And a partner should respect and even encourage that. Leo had read through all this and was stunned by the answers. When he created it, he thought that Jake would never be so open with this.

“So, are you satisfied with my answers?” Jake asked and Leo spun around.

His friend was standing in the doorway to his room. His arms crossed in front of his breast looking at him. Leo noticed no hostile look in Jakes eyes. Was he mad?

“I just wanted to make sure everything is in order” he said and Jake laughed.

“That is one way to put it.”

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is, that I thought for no second this was for someone else then you. I knew you were reading my diary. Even if you tried to put it in the same place as it was before, I could tell it was moved. And guess what? I left it there to see if you would be curios. So can we drop the act now and talk about, what you want to talk about?”

Leo was completely overwhelmed with the situation. Jake had known all along that Leo was spying on him?

“But if you knew, why did you not tell me to stop?”

“Why should I? I mean the boy I have the hots for is reading through my diary, going to extends to create a survey to get to know me better. I would call this a success on the whole line. But now I want to know something. Why? Why did you go through all the trouble?”

Leo sighed and stood up.

“I knew you were not who you showed the world. And I wanted to know why. Why did you not show the real Jake to the world? Right now I am seeing a talented man in front of me, struggling with his studies, living in the closet all his life. I just want to know why.”

Jake smiled coming closer to his friend.

“So you want to know the reasons? This might take some time. Let’s sit down.”

He pointed at Leo’s bed and both sat down. Jake began to talk about his parents. The daily struggles with all the people around him that might turn their backs on him if he would come out. And all the other stuff that was on his mind. It was like a weight was lifted on him after he finished. Leo listened through all of it and taking it all in.

“That is a lot going on in your mind” Leo said and Jake nodded.

“Yeah. The daily struggle of your jock roommate.”

“I can totally understand how you feel. But I got another question. Do you really have a crush on me?”

Jake sighed and looked Leo right in the eyes.

“I did not lie in the survey. So yes, I have feelings for you” he said with a kind of heavy tone in his voice.

Leo did not know how to respond. He was not gay. Never even thought about a relationship with another man. Let alone his roommate.

“I did not expect this” Leo said and smiled.

“I guess no one would. So now you know it. You know a lot of my secrets now and I hope they are being kept secret. Can I count on that?”

“Totally. I just had no idea how to approach you. Therefor all the nonsense with the survey.”

“I trust you, Leo. If you are not keeping your word, trust me, it will get ugly.”

With that Jake left the room, not without giving his roommate another smile. Leo was left behind trying to get all the things together in his head. The time went on and the next night, Jake was browsing through the internet for some sweet release. His usual sites did not show him something new. But one ad caught his attention this night.

“Live out your kinks to the fullest. Just make a wish and it will happen.” Stated the app.

What bullshit, thought Jake but clicked on it anyway. His screen turned dark for a few seconds before there was single text field with one single question. What do you desire? Not taking this seriously Jake began entering his desires. After he was finished he pressed Enter and then a bright light hit him.

“Your desire will be fulfilled”, whispered a voice inside his head.

“Weird. But hey nothing will happen anyway.”

With that he decided to go to sleep. The next morning he woke up and looked around his room. Nothing seemed to have changed. He got up and went into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and was surprised to find everything was filled to the brim with sweets. Confused he searched for something healthier but could not find it.

“Hi there, my gay roommate”, Leo said and approached him.

“Morning, Leo. What is up with the fridge?” he asked and Leo took a look.

“What about it? Filled with all the things you like. Like normal.”

With that Leo turned to him and gave him a big kiss on the mouth. Surprised Jake wanted to fight it at first, but decided that this had to be a dream. This could never be real. After Leo broke the kiss he looked at him seductively.

“What has gotten into you?” Jake asked and Leo laughed.

“I had no idea that you had feelings for me, and last night I discovered I have some feelings for you, too. So I decided to take it to the next level. What do you say, we go to your room and have some fun.”

“No thanks, not this early in the morning”, Jake said and Leo nodded.

“As you wish. Well then, see you later.”

With that Leo went back to his room and Jake was still dumb fold with what happened. But still he decided to go on with his day. He went to the gym and began to work out. He met one of his friends Tyler. Another jock who did nothing else then working out all week. When they were finished with their workout Jake took a shower. And when he came back, his workout socks were not where he left them. In fact they were not there at all. Thinking he might have put them already away he went home. He forgot about the things that happened at the gym. Back at home he was alone. Leo was in his room gaming. So he grabbed some snacks went to his room and then straight to bed. So the next days went on, with the same routine. After a week he began to notice that Leo’s scrawny body was taking a toll with all the sweet overload that was hitting him. His belly began to grow. The pudge was very noticeable. When Jake asked about it, Leo just stated that he was enjoying it and loved the way he was feeling now. Jakes own belly had taken on some of the weight as well. But due to his workout sessions it was slower. But since he started more and more socks went missing after the workout. And then there was a day, when Tyler wanted to visit him. He arrived at the flat and they went to Jakes room.

“So you wanted to talk about something, Tyler?” he asked and Tyler was nodding.

Jake noticed that Tyler was not able to take his eyes of Jakes feet.

“I have a confession to make” Tyler said and grabbed something from his backpack.

When he pulled it out, Jake finally knew where his socks went. They were all in Tyler’s backpack.

“Oh so there are all my socks”, he said and Tyler nodded.

“I could not explain why, but for the last weeks I was totally drawn to your feet, Jake. After every workout I took your socks, taking them home, taking in all your scent. I love it, Jake. I totally love it. There is nothing I like more than your manly scent. Please let me be your foot slave. Let me live for your feet.”

Jake was taken aback. He never imagined one of his friends would share this kink with him.

“Tyler, are you okay? Did you hit your head or something?”

“No, Jake. I am completely honest with you. May I show you that I am honest?”

Jake nodded and Tyler went over to him. He took on of Jakes feet and began rubbing it over his face. Over and over again. Taking in all the sweat and what else was on Jakes feet. Tyler buried his nose in them and began licking them, when suddenly Leo came into the room.

“Oh sorry I did not know you had a guest.”

Tyler looked at Leo and the same lust as for Jake could be seen in his eyes.

“No problem. Come here, little boy. I want to have you, too”, he said and Leo went over to them.

He sat next to Jake and Tyler began to play with his feet as well.

“He is talented” Leo said and Jake just looked at him.

This whole situation was totally crazy. His workout buddy was playing slave at his and Leo’s feet, while Leo was sitting there being completely cool with it.

“What has gotten into you?”

Jake asked and both guys looked at him.

“What do you mean?” Leo asked.

“Just a few weeks ago none of you knew I was into this stuff and now you act like it was the most normal thing in the world. Heck Tyler you even want to be my slave. Why not be our socks? Then you could be at our feet all day, while we are stuffing our faces with food.”

“Oh that would be lovely”, Tyler said and Jake lost it completely.

Before he could say something he noticed something with Tyler’s hands. While he was holding both of their feet, the fabric of the socks was starting to spread over his body. Confused Jake watched and saw how his friend was more and more engulfed in the fabric of his and Leo’s socks. Tyler moaned during the whole procedure from his view he was experiencing something satisfying. He was hard as a rock.

When it started Tyler was noticing nothing then a slight tingling at his hands. Like they would have fallen asleep. That was when he noticed the fabric that was spreading with the sensation. Everything seemed to go numb after it was taken over by fabric. More and more of his body was engulfed and he loved every second. His clothes were also trapped under the socks fabric. One half of his body was overtaken by Leo’s socks and the other by Jake’s. He loved every second of it. Even when the fabric spread over his penis, it was the most pleasurable feeling he had in all his live. Now the only thing left was his face. The fabric wasted no time beginning to eat up his head. First from the bottom of his head until his mouth. His tongue turned into a sock and he had the taste of both boys in his mouth. And this would be like this for the rest of his live. The thought alone made him even harder. Then his nose got covered and the scent of them both was now in his nose, no it was on all of his body. With that the fabric decided to take up the rest of him, covering up everything.

“Oh yes” was the last thing that Tyler could say.

He came with the biggest orgasm he had in all of his live before was reduced to Jake’s and Leo’s socks. He fell to the ground and Jake blinked twice.

“Wonderful.”

Leo said and got up. He picked up the two pairs of socks.

“Guess he chose his own fate. It was so nice of you, that you granted his wish”, he said and smiled.

Slowly he began to strip off Jake’s socks and put Tyler on him. He was an exact copy of the white Nike socks, Jake had been wearing. Even though the logo was changed out for Tyler’s head. A sight of bliss was seen on his face. Leo’s socks showed the same. But he had been wearing grey Puma socks. He wanted to put the socks on himself, when Jake stopped him.

“Let me do it” he said and Leo nodded.

So Jake got up, moved Leo to his bed and sat him down. Slowly he began to put Tyler on him and looked at the result. He began to rub Leo’s feet, when he stopped him.

“Oh no, darling. No touching there. I am ticklish. But I can do it for you.”

Jake just nodded succumbing to the effects of the strange website that he had shared his kinks with. The weeks went by and both boys moved to one room. They needed to get a bigger bed since they grew too big for the old one. Their workouts were getting less and less until they rarely left the house. None of them noticed that the fridge never was empty. It was filled up every night. Tyler was adjusting well to his new position at their feet. Tough he was rarely taken off and washed. But all the boys were happy as it was. Jake and Leo were together and gave no second thought about their old lives.

“Another happy costumer”, showed a message on Jake’s computer.

[supernoondles]

2024

It was a big year for me: I started a new job, I adopted two cats, I made new community, and I bought a house.

That’s all surface level stuff though. This year I journaled more than usual, so I’ll let my past self carry this year’s reflection post. Having reread my entries, the unifying themes are (1) I want to be making more art. Why am I not making art? and (2) penduluming from feeling extremely lonely to feeling extremely loved.

I wrote a retrospective of my first semester of faculty life back in May, so I’ll link that here. Overall, I love my job. To repeat some of the stuff in that post, the students are so wonderful and engaged here. My colleagues are really kind and supportive. I feel like I have the resources to be successful, I feel like I make a difference in the classroom, and I feel like I’m trying my best to (and mostly succeeding) give computer science students a radical political education (though many of them are already there. Honestly, I learn from them). But it was also challenging: for the first time in my adult life I moved away from a community that I worked so hard to create. I was desperately lonely at times. I think now, a year later, I feel more secure in my friendships and I've certainly had good times in LA. But the isolation was unbearable in the beginning. My journal entries from January:

I just feel like I have no time for myself. I don’t want to become my job. I walk 5 minutes from my office to my school assigned rental home (which is lovely). I have to work at night because I don’t have any time during the workday to do so: teaching or students filtering into my office. How do I regain my sense of self? I was unemployed for so long and did whatever I wanted to (or nothing at all) but now I actually have to do work, otherwise there is no material for class. […] Part of it is that I’m lonely. No one wants to hang out with me (or rather, it’s hard to get people to hang out with me).

And from March:

Today I was really sad. I cried for like 2 hours. Also I was on the phone with J for a really long time. It’s because this last week was really rough (I was sick) and my parents drove all the way to visit me!! And it was really nice. And I was so sad when they left. I guess I didn’t realize how lonely I was here, even though I like my friends. I guess I want to see them all the time, not just Friday or Saturday nights.

I had gotten sick over spring break, which I spent in Vancouver visiting J (who does not want to leave Canada for #mentalhealth reasons) and also with C. One highlight of the year was getting DP’d and eating at a very chaotic neon skewer restaurant in Richmond afterwards (it was me as a restaurant). I was sick so many times in the beginning half of the year. Probably because I was so stressed and felt overworked! (One of this year's many paradoxes: I feel like I work so hard and intensely, but also work a comparatively small amount of hours.)

The most consequential thing I read this year was Jackie Wang’s Alien Daughters Walk Into the Sun: An Almanac of Extreme Girlhood, which I bought in Drawn & Quarterly in Montreal (I really loved their selection. It’s like a bookstore just for me!). Little did I know I had already been following Jackie on Tumblr for about a decade! During the summer, I spent the first 8 weeks on campus starting my research lab, but after that went to Europe and Canada after. I first went to Copenhagen for a conference, where I got COVID for the second time, and without Paxlovid abroad, I developed long (though it’s mostly gone…medium?) COVID. My visit to my brother in the Netherlands was spent mostly on his couch. I was testing negative when I visited J in Canada, but made some bad travel-and-not-resting decisions that only further fatigued me. Anyway, at least I had most of my brain! The rest of summer I spent reading and being bored at home, which was good for my writing. I think I read Lemony Snicket’s memoir this year (or was it last?) but his process of bricolage—of collecting and responding to fragments—the same process Jackie calls energy and connective tissue, that relationships are more important than products—is the creative process that speaks true to me. It’s not even just “the process;” it’s everything about making art. From this time (late July/early August):

Do our emotions get less intense as we age and understand more of the world, or become more resigned? The thing is that I don’t feel like I’ve resigned. If I think about what my old therapist who was pro-bono and kind of toxic said, all my life I’ve been making my mom happy and myself happy as well. I am full of life and energy and ambition, so much that 2024 was the year I needed to rest and kept on getting sick. But if my mom wants for me a job, a house, a husband, and what I want for myself to make art, but I know I can’t make money out of that—or rather I don’t want the stresses of making money out of that—isn’t my lucrative job the privilege that grants me to do that? What I’m saying is that I’m in no rush.

This semester's college-prescribed mentor was in the art department, and I told him my goal was after I get tenure (one great thing about my job is that I have almost no worries about getting tenure) was to spend all my summers creating art in like Iceland or something. And he was like, why wait until tenure? Just do it now. This conversation happened in December, but my entry 5 months prior reveals that it’s what I’ve kind of wanted to do all along:

Even though I feel like maybe my days at home are boring or freedom restricted or whatever, I do like viewing it as an artist’s retreat. I’ve been trying to do daily comics and I spend an hour+ a day reading. I’m writing, finally, for godsake. And I have time to reflect. I do think my job was difficult, like, actually really tough in the beginning, but then I got it down and I forgot all about it. The thing about me is that I forget everything.

It’s only a year after I’ve left the constricting environment of being a powerless grad student that I’m like…hey…I could make my research into an art practice (even though I kind of wrote that in the last paper of my PhD). I love teaching, and I feel disillusioned with publishing research papers, but I don’t have to be! I could be working on things I really like! That to me is really exciting, but also terrifying. And I only have a little bitterness that I didn’t spend my PhD doing that in the first place. I know useless methods that have been legitimized by a field I'm sick of. But it’s never too late to learn how to be an artist, and how to be a writer. Like, a good writer, not an academic one.

I do think some of it is that I’m mourning the loss of my writing. Where were my fun pieces, besides the yearly summary I forced myself to do? Where were my cryptic fiction poems of repressed teenage yearning in my graduate school days? Was I too busy living my wmaf life to make time for my art?

Oh, my wmaf life. In other things written by Asian Americans I read this year, I knew I would get nothing new out of reading Rental House, but I read it anyway. Thus I learned that reading for representation sake is disappointing. I loved Stay True though. It made me really nostalgic for my undergrad days. Anyway, this entry goes on to work through my guilt (this year’s therapist said I had “caretaker syndrome”) and lack of food safety:

I’m thinking about how S [my artist friend who works at the museum] is teaching this fall and we essentially have the same job then, but I’m making 2x his salary (though I hope teaching gives him a pay boost). I really won the privilege game in my institution. But didn’t I plan that all along, when I decided to major in something “economically viable”? To pursue what I really want without economic pressure—isn’t that the greatest privilege of it all? So: why is doing computer science work incongruent with myself? It seems like someone else gave me the goal, I think. The goal of publishing, the goal of tenure. The goal of publishing a manifesto that likely no one will read but still reflects upon my values and beliefs. Why is a research agenda scarier than a fiction book? Because I’m being explicit about change? Because we can’t hide from ourselves? (I think fiction writing, or journaling, may be the truest form of reaching ourselves—and I think that’s why I feel resistance towards the manifesto—because it’s not actually myself; there’s some degree of posturing). I liked it when T said the salmon J and I salvaged from J’s freezer and was kept in the hot truck of our brand new rented Kia Sorento for 6 hours “did not look happy” after J had baked it. I think we should be asking ourselves, “is it happy?” to more non-human or non traditionally alive things. Happiness for all the earth.

After this, I wrote an entry about how fatigued and depressed I was, and then proceeded to go on a road trip to the Eastern Sierras (I love CA so much. I hope to go to the Sierras every year) with my beloved friend group where we went to natural hot springs at sunset surrounded by cows and a guy played flute for us. The dirt from the springs permanently dyed my white cow bikini brown. Earlier in the day, I swam in June Lake next to a Western Grebe. That was the most beautiful day of the whole year. And some reflections from my birthday a few days later:

A lot happened in 28. I started my first real job and made lots of good academic friends (and honestly just friends). I’m happy most days. My year end reflection posts really chronicle what happens, but I want to write something about what that means, or how I feel. Here are some things that I am proud to have cultivated in myself:

- I rarely fear. I feel secure and I feel like I can lead. - I am full of life (minus the long covid). I am full of gratitude, and, mostly, kindness. - I have strong social ties to important people in my life. I have many reasons for living. - I seek out abundance. - I am resilient and rarely make mistakes, and forgive myself when I do. - I have “a lot going for me.”

In the Netherlands they congratulate your parents on your birthday. On your birthday you should be able to jump through a hole and be reborn again. A clean state. Is that why I want to swim in a lake, though I cannot have an alpine one [note: I swam in my local lake the day of my birthday]? I love our great state. Is 29 the age of the magical girl? I celebrated 28 with the fool [note: I had a clown themed birthday party], so does the jester evolve into the magician? But do I need magic for powers?

Three days later I was deliriously happy and wrote a very long entry, excerpted below:

I don’t know what it means to live an “oblique life”. I think I was thinking of opaque until I googled that oblique means at an angle. Isn’t that just being queer? But being queer and being sick are very different, because one has been a source of joy for me and the other a source of misery. I’m happy I’m less fatigued.

And about my mom:

What I wanted to write about was our family trip to Point Reyes. It was really wonderful, even though the grass was dead and brown. It was a rare sunny day and the wind felt good against my skin. Even though my mom told me she has a lot of long COVID brain fog she was so happy seeing the rainbows caused by the waves breaking at Drake Beach. That made me really happy. And that she can walk with us a little bit, but not too much, because her foot hurts. That made me sad. And I really enjoyed singing songs in the car with J, songs from video games, even though P hated it and was in a sour mood the whole trip. […] I told my mom that I didn’t want to leave and go home but I missed my house. I think her goal now is to move next to me. But logistics dictate otherwise…the job…retirement…I don’t have a kid. I feel like she’s waiting for me to have a kid so she can have a reason to move down with me. And her life is, as she says, just making money to support her family. And otherwise it’s sleeping off being tired and watching Chinese drama. And this makes me sad too. I want my mommy to participate fully in my life but I’m still figuring out my boundaries. Maybe my life has been oblique with regard to this negotiation, like my toxic therapist said.

And here’s when I knew I was feeling happy:

The thing about hanging out with J is that I always have a good time, and I like his childish sense of fun, because it’s also my sense of fun. When none of my LA friends wanted to go to the lemon festival that made me sad. I liked that M commented on it, how it was ridiculous to write off a family friendly event as something that was impossible for you to have a good time at. You can have a good time anywhere. I feel like there’s lock in mode and do nothing mode and I’ve really been doing nothing mode. I love to be slow at responding to messages. I mean, whatever. We were on the beach, so I had to exclaim, “It’s so nice being on a beach, isn’t it!?” I love seeing red tailed hawks float with the wind. That makes me happy. Along a coastline, it feels like home.

Finally, the last journal entry before I drove back down to LA to start the fall semester:

On the night before my departure both my mom and I only slept for a few hours. I fell asleep around 3:30 and woke up again when my dad left at 5, and she didn't fall asleep until he left. She said her brain was running too much from our mahjong, haidilao dancing, and jigsaw puzzling. I felt the same.

A curious thing happened the day after I got back to LA, which is that I saw a house and 5 hours later it was mine. That is, my realtor told me her friend had accepted the offer. The semester started. I was still fatigued. I failed to submit a grant I had planned to write all summer (and didn’t, because of the fatigue). From September:

Wow. It’s been a hard 2 weeks. Went to the event at S’s house with G and it really made me rethink my relationship with work. It’s good to be told that your mental health matters. I have lots of thoughts. “My life is in constant crisis.” That’s what someone said and I was like do I feel that way? Certainly now. Here are some things:

- Forgiveness. Breathing. Patience. Gratitude. For me I lean towards forgiveness more than gratitude. Literally no one cares that I didn’t submit this grant. So why am I still so tough on myself? Why can’t I let it go? Whom am I disappointing? I’m writing to reduce my guilt. But the writing isn’t inherently enjoyable. I can’t force myself. - Summer felt like me time because I was kind of bored. And hanging out with my family. In my 20s I did everything I could to avoid boredom because of my suburban upbringing. But now I crave it. There’s too much happening to my body. I’m really worried about my health. - I want to calm the fuck down. Honestly, I feel like I was just as stressed in the fall but then things got better near the end and I could see the end in sight. - Maybe the cr*zy women (not the white women) were right. Maybe it is about frequency healing and chakaras and stuff. I think I need to listen to my body. I feel like that was some form of my new year’s resolution before and I never actually did listen to my body. But like. I feel the stress. So I need to drop it and stop and just do something healing.

Here I went on a month+ long spree of listening to healing frequency music. One time I was playing YouTube research videos in class and all the recommendations that autopopulated after were like 518 kHz for telemere regeneration or whatever, and my students definitely saw. Oh well. There are worse recommendations…

Late September I went back to the bay, yet again, my emotional support creature:

The bay is so healing. Walking around SF with my friend is so healing. Eating food and gossiping with my parents is so healing. I love everyone so much. I wish J was there and it would be my perfect life. Like I love my job but my job is just a job. These are not good thoughts to have when I have just bought a house!!!! I guess if all my friends and family lived in LA I would be happier here too.

And back to LA in early October:

Even when I see my friends I feel lonely. If I’m not stressed I’m depressed. What’s that about. I guess I have really good friends who are far away. I should feel some security in this but I don’t. And like when I hang out with my LA friends I feel like they don’t truly see me. I love them but we’re misunderstood, but also we’ve really only known each other for a semester and things take time. I can’t compare to my decade long friendships. How can we fix this. There is only so much one can do about loneliness.

And back to SF in late October, this time for a conference (where I presented that manifesto I mentioned earlier):

Yesterday I got really happy at my dad being in his run club and hiking with his friends in the morning. I am happy he is staying active and social. And he said eating his Costco Business Center goat and thinking about his kids was a good life. That made me cry. I’m always crying here. Being at my parent’s house again makes me want to make art. Yet I never. I wonder what will get me to make that leap.

I didn’t write a single entry in November (nor did I see many friends—we were all busy, I assume) because I moved. A week later, I smelled a gas leak. And then I didn’t have gas for three weeks and it was the most stressed I’d been since no longer needing to work with my old advisor: at first I thought it was just the laundry room, which my realtor came and fixed with his handyman without my consent, and he called the gas company to come turn back on the gas, but I had a Caribou concert so my poor neighbor had to stay home for me and what I thought was going to be a 15 minute favor turned out to be a 2 hour one because while the gas technician couldn’t detect any more leaks above ground or in the home, it was still failing the tests, which meant it was a leak through the 150 ft of pipe from the meter to my house underneath the driveway that I was quoted $17k to fix, so I had a brief moment of panic where I was like, my nightmare was that becoming a homeowner would bankrupt me, and now that nightmare is coming true, but then I got 2 other quotes for $5-7k and I was like wow actually it was just a scummy company with fake Google reviews, but the whole thing was so emotionally distressing it reaffirmed my Marxist want for social, government provided housing, and made me upset that I had to play the game of capitalism or property appreciation or asset diversification or whatever, and then when they finally fixed the main line the gas guy (a new gas guy) was like, the good news is you don’t have a leak anymore, the bad news is your oven and fireplace have no gas, and I was like what the hell, and then it was another weekend of my realtor and his handyman and I trying to figure out what happened and eventually we found a cut pipe, so the plumbers came back to fix it, and finally the whole fiasco was over. And my parents came over Thanksgiving and I had finally mostly unpacked. And then we went back between Christmas and New Years and put in LVP flooring which was so hard, honestly it felt harder than my PhD, and I was like wow. Home ownership, huh.

Our main player (loneliness), back in December after my housewarming party:

I am so lonely. When Beyonce lists all of her desires, “I need a prescription…I want to go higher”, is that liberating for her? Does liberation always preclude the I? I miss the bay. I’m excited to be home. I guess LA still doesn’t feel like home. I wonder when it will ever. I was so happy when the SoCal suburb I grew up in stopped feeling like home. […] I’m thinking about what I want from my life. How it can be so hard to cultivate a daily writing and drawing habit, how being creative and seeing the world and understanding the world and interpreting the world and creating new things to go out in the world can be so challenging. But maybe that’s what I need to feel alive. Or if I have a spouse, will that fulfill the same need? A child? A literal creation? I spent today and Friday being very lonely despite the 20 so people in my house on Saturday. A lot has happened this year. I’ve matured past my wmaf phase but I’m still deep in Hannigram. I think humanities PhD students* are smarter than STEM ones by far because they can use critical thinking skills. Anyone can code. But people are becoming illiterate at an alarming rate!? *The ones who end up writing and publishing because people have decided their work is relevant. Life is just a big judgement, no? Is that why I haven’t made any art? I feel like, constantly, I need to be smarter.

In pasting my journal entries here, I feel the same sense of discomfort and vulnerability as I did 15 years ago when writing my cryptic middle school Tumblr posts. Mainly it’s because I think I sound too neurotic. I promise if you’ve ever met me IRL I’m friendly, chill, and sweet. Writing is where the inner insanity gets an outlet, or something. Wasn’t there a quote about this and the 3 necessary components to be a writer?

The thing is, despite all of my complaints about LA/SF, on my most recent trip to SF, I didn’t feel a need to move back. I still like my life in the bay but I feel more positively about my life and friends in LA. I don’t know what’s changed. Maybe it was just that I finished the semester? Maybe it’s that my friends who have left SF (and have come back to visit, like me) are disillusioned with it and that rubs off one me? Or maybe it’s simply that I can be happy wherever. It’s easy for me to keep myself occupied and find meaning most of the time. My job which takes up most of my time is super fulfilling. And now that it's no longer causing me undue financial stress I have a beautiful house to live in. It’s unfair to index this post on journal entries because I mainly write when I am feeling lonely and have no one to talk to. I promise that overall I had a great year!

My 2025 resolutions are to begin to answer the lifelong art making question and to do something about my loneliness in LA. As I’m also a high power professional girlboss, I’ve expressed them as SMART goals: (1) to spend at least 1 hour a week either creating something or going on an artist date to nurture my inner creative child (an assignment I stole from Elif’s substack, which she stole from Julia Cameron, that I gave to my students this semester with much positive reception, despite the paradox that making it an assignment defeats the point), and (2) to go on at least 1 date a month (where date doesn’t have to be something with romantic intention—in fact, I can’t think of a single date that has advanced my romantic interests with someone I’ve met on an app; the romance comes after a year of friendship, always, for me—but could be like, finally going to a birding or community art event in LA so I can make friends who aren’t my coworkers or their spouses). My only 2024 resolution was to work less than 40 hours a week. I am so, so pleased to say I accomplished this with flying colors! And thus, the time tracking section of our year in review.

Time tracking

Because this year was my first real full time job, I tried my best to track my working hours each week. Lots of people think they work 8 hour days but actually spend several hours mucking about in the office (I certainly did this when I was working in tech). All of these hours were actual working (or meetings, or email, or whatever). I used a Midori Traveler’s Notebook weekly vertical to time track: I had been experimenting with planners all throughout grad school and this one was the one that I liked the most due to its compact layout and size.

At the end of each week, I totaled the hours of each category of activity and transcribed it in a Google Sheet. I had 3 separate sheets for each semester (spring, summer, fall). My categories weren’t exactly the same across all three as I was figuring out the best system, but here are some summary statistics:

In the spring semester I worked for an average of 32 hours a week (37 not counting spring break or before the semester began), in the summer I worked on average 16 hours a week (keep in mind summer is unpaid), and in the fall I worked on average 30 hours a week (38.5 not counting the breaks—fall is 1 week shorter than spring). I worked about 1400 hours total this year. Not bad for my first semester of faculty life!

As planned, I didn’t do any research my first semester: teaching was 55% of my time. Over the summer, research was 45% of my time. When I did both in the fall, teaching was 36% of my time and research was 18%. (In the fall, I didn’t have any new course preps, which helped a lot. Also, this year I had no service requirements to the college, only to my academic community and to the department. Finally, the “startup” category is because the part-time startup I guess I’m technically CTO of launched.)

I’ll end this post with a photo of my baby cats, whom I mentioned in the summary but failed to talk about at length. Mimi (black) is sweet and gentle and loves getting her ass rubbed. Huahua (chaotic) loves to play and eat and is stupid. My mom calls her 傻白糖. They were feral and bonded but not related. They like to chase each other. Mimi is older by 3 months (they’re both almost 2). I hope they can stay with me for a long time. Without them, I would have been even more desperately lonely!

[faiths-fright-flicks]

Read Laterally

By: Faith Ortega

While scrolling through X recently, I came across an interesting post that danced with the field of conspiracy theories. The post used four pictures, including two of Kamala Harris wearing earrings during the recent debate and two of a similar-looking wireless earbud product meant to look like earrings. The post insinuates that Harris used wireless earbuds to receive answers during the debate. This is a bold and highly accusatory claim. After reading such an intense accusation, I wondered what credentials this X user, Ryan Rozbiani, had. Thus began my journey to “read laterally” and investigate X influencer Ryan Rozbiani.

I first looked into Rozbiani’s page to investigate the type of content he regularly posts. I found many politically aimed posts, mostly about the war in Gaza and Israeli-Palestinian conflicts.

Each post seemed to contain chilling images, accompanied by emotionally charged statements regarding the war. This further led me to question the credibility of Rozbiani, as he was reporting on national and international news topics of influential natures. I thought, well is Rozbiani a reporter of some sort? Does Rozbiani have any credentials to assert his expertise in political and world news? 

I dove further by scrolling up to Rozbiani’s public biography on X. The caption contained many phrases like “freedom of speech”, ��finance & economics”, and “my views are my own, posts are informational, NOT endorsements”. Already Rozbiani seemed to be an unreliable source. The caption points to “finance & economics” while the majority of Rozbiani’s posts have nothing to do with financial topics. Additionally, Rozbiani states that the X page is full of “my views” and that posts are strictly “NOT endorsements”. By asserting the posts are filled with personal opinions, it is already clear that there is no promise of factual reporting present. The phrase “NOT endorsements” also seems to be aggressive and possibly defensive in my opinion, pointing towards heavy bias. The caption contains zero official credentials such as a degree or official job relating to journalism or political expertise. So far, Rozbiani seemed to be an uncredited individual focused on personal opinions rather than factual reporting.

Next, I searched for Ryan Rozbiani on Google. Many social media platforms came up. I first opened the Ryan Rozbiani YouTube channel and read the About section. In the About section, Rozbiani explains that this is a financial YouTube channel and that he is “not a financial advisor, this is all for educational and entertainment purposes only! Any risks you take are your own”. Once again, Rozbiani makes it clear he is not an expert of any kind, whether it be about politics or finance. 

By digging further, I found that Rozbiani had no formal profiles, such as Linked In. Instead, Rozbiani had profiles on sites called F6S and Crunchbase. The F6S profile: https://www.f6s.com/member/ryanrozbiani, which is an unofficial and unreliable site to start with focused on startup owners, stated he works as a college aide for the New York City Department of Transportation and is the CEO of a startup company called U.START. The Crunchbase profile: https://www.crunchbase.com/person/ryan-rozbiani , which is a site I’ve personally never heard of which seems to report information about companies through self-entries, stated Rozbiani has a Bachelor of Science degree in Computer Science from NYU. Whether or not Rozbiani actually has this degree is unknown, and even if he did, a degree in computer science has nothing to do with politics or reporting of any kind.

In total, Ryan Rozbiani has no expertise in politics or world news. He doesn’t even have credited expertise in finance, which he seems to heavily lean on in his content. He seems to half admit to his lack of accreditation by saying his posts are “his views” but also goes against full accountability by claiming his X page is “informational”. If anything, I’d say that Ryan Rozbiani’s X page is a heavily biased and un-fact-checked page meant just for “funsies” and should not be looked at as a reputable news source. Therefore, none of the X posts from the Ryan Rozbiani page should be taken at face value.

[letstrythisout4]

Trust Me- Chapter 4

Masterlist

When Matt arrived at the address Frank had sent and noticed a rapid heartbeat, he was more than a little worried. Apparently that heartbeat came from a man who went by the name “Micro”. Micro was clearly not excited to be here. He sat on the far end of the room, surrounded by computers and Matt could hear his muffle breath, probably wearing some type of mask to hide his face.

“Let’s get started, yeah?” The man said, eyeing the way Frank was making himself at home, disassembling his handgun and beginning to clean it. “You’ve got a name for me?”

“Peter Parker, high schooler in Queens, friends with a girl named MJ.” Matt was prepared to continue when Micro began to speak.

“Found him. Peter Benjamin Parker. Race: White. Height: 5’10. Age:” he gave a low whistle “sixteen, on the younger end of sixteen. Family: Richard and Mary Parker, deceased. Was taken in by his Uncle Benjamin Parker and Aunt May Parker, Ben is also deceased.” The man muttered as he leaned into the computers to get a better look. “He lives with May now. She works twelve hour shifts in a hospital working as a nurse.” 

“What’s his school life look like?” Luke asked from where he was leaning on a wall.

“Umm, he’s smart. He goes to ‘Midtown School of Science and Technology’; which is a super expensive private school. He got in on scholarship after getting a 99 cumulative grade on the entry exams. Only one other kid got the scholarship, super competitive entry…at least for those who can’t afford to buy their way in.”

“His friend?” Jessica drawled.

The clicking of Micros keyboard continued, “There is no “MJ”. But, there is a Michelle Jones-Watson that goes to his school. African-American, 5’3, sixteen but turning seventeen later this year. Uhhhhh, her father was in the air-force, her entire dad side of the family has some history of being in the military. Mom is an immigrant from the Dominican Republic, no siblings. She is the other scholarship kid, and scored a 90." He turned in his chair to look at the vigilantes. 

“When does the kids' aunt get off of work?” Frank asked, whipping his hands that had been smeared black from his gun with a rag.

“7am, so nine-ish hours from now.” 

Frank leaned back, “Let’s all kill some time and meet up in Queens at 6:30. We’ll wait for his aunt to get into their apartment and then go have a chat.”

A loud choking noise came from Micro, “Let me suggest that someone other than you and Daredevil go be the ones to talk to her. Respectfully, it's not exactly… thrilling to have vigilantes and mass murders ambush someone at their home.” he said, staring hard at Frank. 

“If I’m not going I need you to give us something that’ll let me hear and see everything.” Micro opened his mouth to argue, “Either wire us up or I’m going in. I’m not leaving this alone.”

Micro’s chair squeaked quietly as he turned, apparently thinking it over, “I have a small camera with a mic that one of you can wear but I want it back.” he said, speaking with more strength than Matt expected him to be able to speak with. 

“You’ll get it back.” Frank swore.

“...Fine.”

-------------------

The Parkers lived in one of the several apartment buildings in Queens. The area was not a good one, Matt kept veering off course to stop crimes which caused him to show up last of the group. The vigilantes were unnervingly serious. There was no banter, Jessica wasn’t drinking, Luke's leg wouldn’t stop bouncing and Frank just kept loading and unloading his handgun. The steady click-click click-click click-click was starting to drive Matt insane but he was stopped from yelling when he heard a simple conversation begin.

“Peter! You’ve gotta leave or you’ll be late”, the sound of a body hitting a wall was clear, “Don’t break through the wall to leave though. It’s not that serious.”

“Ha ha ha, you’re hilarious. You should quit being a nurse and become a stand-up comedian, I’d support you.” 

“She’s home, he’s leaving.” Matt reported, catching the attention of his fellow vigilantes.

He heard the boy say goodbye before giving his aunt a short hug and barreling out the door. From there he focused on the woman. Her heartbeat was steady and her footsteps were heavy as if she were dragging herself around. “We should go in thirty minutes to give him some time to get out of range.”

They waited, every second feeling like an eon, before Luke stood up saying, “Time’s up. Let’s go.” The group had decided he and Jessica would go to speak to her as they were the least intimidating out of the four, thanks to Jessica’s low(ish) profile and Luke’s reputation as a beloved hero. Jessica had the camera attached to her jacket and Matt and Frank sat around the tablet connected to it, eagerly listening to the impending conversation.

The two slipped into the building and knocked on the apartment given by Micro. “Oh, so you’re who he was warning me about. Come on in.” was what they were greeted with when the door opened.

After sharing a look they walked in, “Warned you?” Jessica asked.

“Why don’t you explain yourself first, yeah? You were the ones who came to speak to me.” May spoke as if it was a genuine offer but the implication was clear that she wasn’t going to tell them shit until they said what she was looking for. 

They watched as the woman walked over to the kitchen table and sat down continuing to eat what looked like…Fruit Loops. They looked at each other again and after debating silently Luke said, “We wanted to talk about your nephew.”

She stared at them expectantly, “What about him?”

“He’s Spider-Man.”

For a long moment nobody spoke or moved, “God dammit. If this stupid thing froze, I’m going to give him hell.” Frank swore from where he and Matt sat on the roof across the road.

Before he could continue to threaten the life of Micro they heard, “What does that have to do with you?”

“Excuse me?” Luke and Jessica said unanimously.

“What does that have to do with you?” May asked again. When they didn’t respond she continued, setting down her spoon, “See, here’s what I think happened/is happening and feel free to tell me I’m wrong. But from where I’m sitting it looks like you found out -somehow- that he is Spider-Man. Then went out of your way to find who knows what information and then came here to tell me that he is Spider-Man, as if I don’t already know.”

“I’m going to go ahead and assume - for my sanity and your safety- that you did this out of concern. But now that you have told me, this is what’s going to happen: you are going to get rid of any and all information you have on Peter, me and anything else you have in relation to us; then you are going to leave us the hell alone.”

“You’re just going to let him keep going?” Luke asked judgmentally. “You’re okay with the messes he’s putting himself into?”

May sat back in her chair and crossed her arms, “Have you ever raised a toddler?” 

The vigilantes didn’t respond. 

“Or an elementary schooler or a middle schooler or a highschooler or really any child, ever? No. No, I didn't think so. So let me put this into perspective for you. I love Peter. I raised Peter.  Watched him grow into the person he is now. That person has abilities no one else has. That person has a heart bigger than he knows what to do with. That person will not look away when he knows there's something he can do.” 

She took a breath, “I don’t love it. In helping others he is putting himself in danger and everytime he comes back hurt a part of me dies inside, but this is who he is. He will put others before him and he is too strong for me to stop him. I literally couldn’t stop him if I tried. And believe me I tried.” she gave a soulless laugh. “But really, none of this is any of your fucking business. He is my kid. Mine. Not yours, not anyone else's. And my kid has been given an impossible situation and now he is managing as best as he can. And that is all I can ask of him.”

“But what-”

“I’m not done.” May said cutting off Jessica. “That’s all I can ask of him…you though. I can tell you to stay out of his way. You have no place in this conversation. You don’t like that he’s Spider-Man? You want him to stop? Too fucking bad. If he won’t stop when I ask him to, he sure as hell isn’t going to when you tell him to. And good fucking luck trying to force him to stop, he is stubborn and strong and smart like no other and he will just embarrass you, so step away now.”

Frank slumped against the wall they were sitting on, “I fucking knew it.”

“Oh congratulations, Frank. You were right, the sixteen year old isn’t going to stop throwing himself off buildings.” Matt mocked.

“Shut the hell up you-” 

May interrupted him from where they were watching the scene on the tablet, “Do you have anything else you want to say?”

“How do you sleep at night?” Jessica asked, looking at the woman who was so accepting of the fact that her nephew may die at any moment.

May gave a small smile, “I don’t.”

--------------

“What now?” Micro asked.

“I don’t know about you all but I’m going to keep an eye out for him and give him my number.” Frank said, pulling out a box full of bullets and magazines from under the table he was sitting at; he began to load the magazines ignoring the groan that came from Micro.

“Please stop leaving your weapons here.”

“No.” 

“Give him your number then what?” Luke prompted, sounding tired.

“Tell him to let me know if he needs anything.” 

“You really do only care about kids and dogs, huh?” Jessica asked.

“Yes. Listen I have some business I have to deal with in Queens, which means that the kid will also be there. I’ll give him a burner with all of our numbers. I’ll tell him to call me if he needs anything and that he should only call you guys if there’s an emergency. Is that fair?”

The group was in agreement and as Matt began to leave the building he heard Micro tell Frank, “Give him my number too. I completely understand what May was talking about, and I know you do too. He isn’t that much older than my kids and I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep knowing that I didn’t at least try.”

[agentnico]

Oppenheimer (2023) Review

Woah Nolan, when I asked you to redeem yourself after Tenet I did not mean literally annihilate all my senses!!

Plot: The story of American scientist J. Robert Oppenheimer and his role in the development of the atomic bomb.

Many have set forth upon the epic cinematic quest of experiencing ‘Barbenheimer’. My screening was filled with audience members wearing bright pink and slurping slushies from special reusable Barbie cups. Ironically it was those individuals that ended up leaving the movie half way when they realised that this isn’t the free spirited light-hearted entertainment promised by the internet phenomenon, and that Oppenheimer is a serious and an intelligent piece of filmmaking that retells an important part of history with a constant harrowing feeling of dread throughout, and that this may be a bit too much to handle for a casual viewer. And in regards to Barbenheimer, I salute those that achieve this one-day feat, however that’s over 5 hours of staring at a big cinema screen. That’s a whole lotta movie. With my migraines I cannot hack it. I am truly weak, although additionally my dear fiancée had zero interest in seeing Oppenheimer however very much is excited for Barbie, so the latter I will check out at a later date with her. Instead I went to see this new Nolan epic myself, and I must say it’s a good one!

It’s very different to Christopher Nolan’s more recent cinematic entries that are more science-fiction based, and instead treads straight through the biopic/drama genre, yet shows that his style is very much fit for the subject matter. Using Nolan’s typical non-linear way of storytelling, this film weaves narratives and different time periods seamlessly as it explores the profound depths of a man who’s actions altered the world’s trajectory forever, for better or worse. This is such an interesting and pivotal part of history, and Nolan takes his time telling you this story, though he never panders to the audience. There are many scenes where characters are simply talking and lots of quick dialogue is being thrown around revolving around political and physics-based topics, and very much demands the audience’s full attention so as to not miss a single detail. I was enthralled by this movie from start to finish.

This is a movie for cinephiles. From filming on 65mm larger format film, featuring for the first time ever sections in IMAX black and white analog photography and  utilised extensive practical effects and minimal computer-generated imagery. It is strange for me to be complimenting a movie for lack of visual effects, as back in the day CGI was all the rave, and impressive use of computer animated imagery would be applauded, however in the current climate’s over saturated Hollywood blockbusters seeing a big budget movie that relies sorely on practical and camera lighting effects is truly immense - especially when the movie’s scope is as big as Oppenheimer. From when Oppenheimer is having mental images of fire and space to the actual atomic bomb being set off, this film needs to be seen on the big screen. The sound design and score perfectly add to the never-ending haunting feel of the film.

Cillian Murphy has always be a tour de force, however this may be his role of a lifetime. He truly becomes J. Robert Oppenheimer, and he expresses so much with his eyes - the fear, the prowess, the loss, the determination, the despair - so many emotions. Truly one hell of a performance. Robert Downey Jr. is a shoe-horn for a Best Supporting Actor nod at the Academy Awards, and proves here that after a decade of being stuck doing superhero shenanigans he can still give a proper captivating performance. He isn’t in the film much, but his performance sticks out long after the credits roll. From the delivery to the mannerisms, you can sense the malicious nature of his character. Matt Damon is solid, Emily Blunt and Florence Pugh both bring tears, Alden Ehrenreich brings some light humour, Gary Oldman pops in for a scene... Honestly there are so many famous faces in this film that I originally did not know were in this, so it’s best to not spoil all the appearances. But the entire cast is giving it their A-game, with as aforementioned Murphy and Downey being the MVPs. 

Oppenheimer is a fascinating and phenomenal historical epic that provides insight into an important moment when the world changed, and Nolan uses his Nolanisms to great effect to deliver a truly captivating and haunting movie-going experience. Seems like Tenet was but a slight hiccup in the director's incredible cinematic journey. 

Overall score: 8/10

[outeremissary]

9 People You'd Like to Get to Know Better

Tagged by @turbulentpumpkin43. Thanks for thinking of me! I know I haven't been around much (for reasons we don't need to get into), but truly nothing summons me faster than the email notification about a tag game where I know I'm going to have to say something horribly embarrassing about myself.

Three Ships: I mean, if we're counting stuff with OCs then obviously anyone following my knows Balthazar and Tristian (and the wonderful polycule with Vio) is my number one. Aside from that, the latest volume of Witch Hat has fully converted me into an Agott/Coco true believer. I actually did like the Coco/Tarteh vibe but Agott's special brand of slowly changing rival just has me by the throat. Aside from that? Ummm. Elliot and Leo from Pandora Hearts? Does that count? I did my full reread of Pandora Hearts while afk in September and those two have had me since like 2012 or 2013 or whenever they were introduced in the English release. But now that I'm older and more mature I can better appreciate what the messy later arcs had to give, and that's the beauty of a relationship between equals corrupted by a growing imbalance no one has the strength to acknowledge and devotion so deep it tears both of their lives apart. That's awesome. 11/10, everyone read Pandora Hearts and I'm not even joking

First Ever Ship: Gamers, back in early 2012 when I was in middle school and could only see images on the computer at school because searching for anything visual online was mega bad for rural internet, a friend of mine used a science classroom computer to discover you could find non-canon images of The Legend of Zelda if you searched terms like "Link blue" and scrolled down a couple rows. I distinctly remember this as the first ever time I really understood the concept of "fan art," and more importantly as my entry into fandom as we all began to realize many of these came from the same site: a place called "DeviantArt." Some of these contained such salacious and unthinkable things as two boys holding hands and blushing, and also both of those boys were Link. I was so captivated by these mysterious images that I followed them to their Four Swords Adventures manga RP fandom source, where I am not proud to say the first "ship" I adopted as such was Vio (Violet Link for people who spent their time doing better things at thirteen) and Shadow (Shadow Link, of course). That's right, everyone! It was edgy Link selfcest yaoi between a traitor and an angsty villain all the way down!!! And you know what? When I write that I don't think my taste has changed. Except the selfcest. Mostly.

The other, more respectable first ship I remember not long after that was Ulquihime. What can I say, there's just something about the Stockholm syndrome of it all.

Last Song: No title - REOL. Narrowly missed this being edgy early Vocaloid. I've been revisiting old favorites recently.

Last Movie: I'm pretty sure it was Surf's Up. For whatever reason my friend decided we should rewatch it when I visited him a few weeks ago. Holds up better than it should, but I've rewatched it twice in little over a year and truly that is my Surf's Up limit. That trip was also when my friend forced me to watch Barbie and the D&D movie. Look at me catching up on relevant pop culture only for fucking Surf's Up to be what made this list.

Currently Reading: I'm pretty sure this came up last time, but because I haven't gotten started on a better book since then I'm unfortunately still periodically chipping at The Thousand Deaths of Ardor Benn. This book fucking sucks. Don't read it. If we could manga and stories that are actually good I recently did a Witch Hat Atelier reread after getting volume 11!!! That volume is. So painfully personal.

Currently Watching: Cyberpunk: Edgerunners and Jujutsu Kaisen season 2. JJK is with my friend for weekly hangout, but Edgerunners is a solo endeavor because it was bumming him out way too much. Good show though. Also JJK was way more of a bummer than expected in ways that caught me off guard??? I'm not getting over what happened to that girl, I really got fucking got by that scene. Jesus

Currently Consuming: Nothing. Just finished dinner, where I had a chicken sandwich and fries. I need groceries. It's dire.

Currently Craving: doing something creative, but that would require moving the giant zine pile on my chair........ this is how I'm procrastinating

I'm sorry, but I'm actually not tagging anyone on this tonight! I haven't been on enough lately to know who has or hasn't done it, and frankly I'm not ready to be back on Tumblr enough to map that out. If you're seeing this and want to do it, please go ahead and do it. Tag me like I tagged you, we are collaborators in this and I want to see what you say.

[ameceeashish]

Aeronautical Engineering Full Details: Course, Scope & Career at Alpine Group of Institutes

Aeronautical Engineering is an elite and highly technical engineering branch focused on designing, developing, maintaining, and testing aircraft. With India’s aviation sector growing rapidly, Aeronautical Engineering has become one of the most sought-after career paths for science students. The Alpine Group of Institutes in Dehradun is among the top institutions in India offering industry-relevant Aeronautical Engineering education.

In this blog, we’ll explore complete details about Aeronautical Engineering at Alpine Group of Institutes—eligibility, syllabus, career scope, salary, and more.

About Aeronautical Engineering at Alpine Group of Institutes

Located in the scenic city of Dehradun, Alpine Group of Institutes is a pioneer in aviation education. The institute offers a robust Bachelor’s Degree in Aeronautical Engineering that combines theoretical knowledge with practical training.

Key highlights of the program at Alpine:

AICTE-approved curriculum

Modern labs and aircraft models for hands-on training

DGCA-aligned practical exposure

Expert faculty from the aviation industry

Internship and placement support in reputed aerospace companies

Whether your goal is to become an aircraft designer, join the Indian Air Force, or work in global aerospace firms, Alpine prepares you for a successful aviation career.

Why Choose Alpine Group for Aeronautical Engineering?

✅ Strategic Location in Dehradun – a hub for academic and technical education

✅ State-of-the-Art Infrastructure with labs, simulation systems, and aircraft mockups

✅ Strong Industry Tie-ups with aviation and aeronautical companies

✅ Multidisciplinary Training with access to Aircraft Maintenance and AME programs

✅ Proven Placement Record in both private and government sectors

Alpine Group also offers opportunities to participate in national-level aero expos, industrial visits, and aerospace research projects.

Eligibility Criteria at Alpine Group of Institutes

To enroll in the Aeronautical Engineering program at Alpine, candidates must meet the following criteria:

✅ Passed 10+2 with Physics, Chemistry, and Mathematics (PCM)

✅ Minimum of 50% aggregate marks in PCM subjects

✅ Must qualify the Alpine Admission Test or submit JEE scores (if applicable)

Lateral entry is available for diploma holders in relevant engineering streams.

Course Duration & Structure

The B.Tech in Aeronautical Engineering at Alpine is a 4-year undergraduate program divided into 8 semesters. It includes classroom sessions, lab work, workshops, industrial training, and final year projects.

Aeronautical Engineering Syllabus at Alpine

The curriculum is aligned with industry requirements and includes the following subjects:

Engineering Thermodynamics

Aerodynamics

Flight Mechanics

Propulsion Systems

Aircraft Structures

Avionics and Control Systems

Computational Fluid Dynamics (CFD)

Aerospace Materials

Aircraft Maintenance Practices

Unmanned Aerial Vehicle (UAV) Systems

Students also engage in simulation-based learning and CAD/CAM software for aircraft design.

Career Opportunities After Aeronautical Engineering from Alpine

A degree from Alpine Group of Institutes opens the door to diverse and high-paying career opportunities in:

✅ Civil Aviation

Join private or public airlines as design engineers, quality analysts, or safety officers.

✅ Defense Sector

Work with DRDO, HAL, and the Indian Air Force in aircraft development and testing.

✅ Research and Development

Be a part of leading R&D organizations like ISRO and ADA for future aviation technology.

✅ Aircraft Maintenance

With Alpine’s close integration with AME programs, students can also pursue Aircraft Maintenance Engineer (AME) licensing.

✅ Higher Education and Academics

Pursue M.Tech, MBA (Aviation), or international certifications to expand your profile.

Top Recruiters at Alpine Group of Institutes

Alpine students have been successfully placed in leading companies and aviation agencies such as:

Hindustan Aeronautics Limited (HAL)

Indian Space Research Organisation (ISRO)

Air India Engineering Services Ltd.

TATA Advanced Systems

SpiceJet and Indigo Airlines

Airbus and Boeing (through global placement channels)

The dedicated Training and Placement Cell at Alpine ensures students are career-ready through soft skills workshops, mock interviews, and industrial training.

Salary after Aeronautical Engineering

Graduates from Alpine Group of Institutes can expect the following salary range:

Fresher Level: ₹3.5 – ₹6 LPA

Mid-Level Engineers: ₹6 – ₹10 LPA

Senior Positions (R&D or Defense): ₹12 – ₹20 LPA

Candidates with international placements or specialized training often earn even higher.

FAQs: Aeronautical Engineering at Alpine Group of Institutes

Q1. Is Aeronautical Engineering available at Alpine Group of Institutes?

Yes, Alpine offers a full-time B.Tech in Aeronautical Engineering with practical and theoretical training.

Q2. Does Alpine provide placement support?

Absolutely. Alpine has a strong placement network and assists students in securing jobs in reputed aerospace and aviation firms.

Q3. Can I pursue AME after Aeronautical Engineering from Alpine?

Yes. Alpine offers integrated aviation programs including AME, which you can pursue alongside or after B.Tech.

Q4. Is the course approved by AICTE?

Yes, the Aeronautical Engineering program at Alpine is AICTE-approved and follows the latest industry syllabus.

Q5. How do I apply for admission?

You can apply online through the Alpine official website or visit the campus in Dehradun for direct counseling and admission.

Conclusion

Aeronautical Engineering at Alpine Group of Institutes, Dehradun, is a gateway to an exciting and rewarding career in the aviation and aerospace sector. With expert faculty, modern infrastructure, and strong placement support, Alpine is the ideal launchpad for aspiring aeronautical engineers in India.

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job opportunities in chennai for freshers - Career.contact

Job Opportunities in Chennai for Freshers

Finishing college and stepping into the job market is a big milestone. It’s exciting, confusing, and sometimes overwhelming. One of the first big decisions is choosing where to start your career. If you’re considering Chennai, you’re already heading in a smart direction.

Chennai is among India's most vibrant cities in terms of job prospects. It has a robust industry complemented by an emerging technology and services economy. For newcomers, that translates to choices — many of them — cutting across industries and job types.

A Strong Tech and IT Presence

When one hears about jobs in Chennai, IT is the first thing that comes to mind. And rightly so. The city has some of the big IT parks, particularly along OMR and Guindy. Freshers with a computer science, information technology, or even electronics and communication background can get jobs in software development, testing, support, and so on.

Startups are also gaining momentum, so you can even venture into product-based firms that seek young minds with fresh ideas.

Core Engineering Jobs

If you belong to a mechanical, civil, or electrical background, Chennai has something concrete to offer. Dubbed the "Detroit of India," it's a hub for the automobile and manufacturing sector. Several plants, both local and multinational, have units in and around the city.

Freshers can apply for entry-level positions in design, production, maintenance, and quality control. These positions tend to provide hands-on experience, which can be a major advantage early in your career.

BPO and Customer Support Positions

Chennai is also well-represented in the BPO and customer service industries. These careers are available to graduates with backgrounds in a broad spectrum of schools — and to many, they're the bridge to the corporate world.

They get you used to hard work, verbal communication, and timely work — all essential no matter what career path you later end up in.

Finance, Admin & Operations

Commerce and business graduates will find many opportunities in Chennai’s finance and corporate services sector. Banks, consultancies, and backend offices of large firms are always on the lookout for fresh talent to fill roles in accounting, data processing, admin support, and more.

These positions can serve as the groundwork for building a career in finance, business analysis, or management over time.

Media, Content, and Digital Careers

The creative ecosystem in Chennai has been steadily developing over the past couple of years. Digital marketing agencies, content studios, YouTube channels, and design companies are always on the lookout for new content creators, social media managers, video editors, and graphic designers.

If you're a fresher with good creative skills, a good portfolio, or even just an active blog or Instagram account — you may already possess what it takes to begin.

Education and EdTech

With its high-learning environment, Chennai is also an ideal location to begin a career in teaching or education services. EdTech websites, schools, and training schools recruit freshers as tutors, content writers, coordinators, or counselors.

If you are interested in teaching or student services, this is an area worth pursuing — given the success of online learning.

Conclusion

Beginning a career is seldom easy, but the right city can ease the process. Chennai has plenty of job opportunities for freshers — whether you're an engineering graduate, a business school graduate, or a creative mind.

The city boasts a friendly work environment, a comparatively lower living cost than other metros, and a combination of old and new industries. Your initial job may not be ideal — and that's alright. What counts is to start, and learn as much as you can on your way up.

If you remain open, flexible, and willing to learn, Chennai can prove to be a wonderful place to establish the building blocks of a successful career.

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Exploring Polytechnic Colleges: A Gateway to Practical Careers

When it comes to building a strong foundation for a technical career, polytechnic colleges are an excellent choice. These institutions offer hands-on training, industry-relevant curriculum, and faster entry into the workforce. Whether a student has just completed high school or is looking for skill-based education, a polytechnic path might just be the perfect fit.

What is a Polytechnic College?

A polytechnic college is an educational institution that focuses on technical and vocational education. It offers diploma courses in engineering, technology, and applied sciences. Unlike traditional degree programs, these courses are typically shorter in duration (usually 3 years) and more practice-oriented.

Why Choose a Polytechnic College?

Polytechnic education is gaining popularity for several reasons. Here's why:

1. Job-Ready Skills

The curriculum is designed to provide real-world experience.

Students get exposure to industry tools and technologies.

Strong emphasis on practical training over theoretical learning.

2. Shorter Duration

Most diploma programs can be completed in just 3 years after 10th grade.

Ideal for students who want to enter the job market quickly.

3. Cost-Effective Education

Tuition fees are generally lower than degree programs.

Offers a value-for-money route to a technical career.

4. Industry Demand

There's a constant need for technically skilled professionals in sectors like construction, manufacturing, IT, and electronics.

Companies often hire polytechnic graduates for entry-level technical roles.

5. Further Education Options

Diploma holders can pursue lateral entry into the second year of engineering degree programs.

This allows students to upgrade their qualifications without starting from scratch.

Popular Courses Offered

Polytechnic colleges offer a wide range of technical diploma courses. Some of the most popular ones include:

Diploma in Mechanical Engineering

Diploma in Civil Engineering

Diploma in Electrical Engineering

Diploma in Computer Science

Diploma in Electronics & Communication

Diploma in Automobile Engineering

Who Should Consider Polytechnic?

Students after Class 10 who are more inclined toward practical learning than academic theory.

Those who want to start earning early and gain job experience.

Individuals aiming for a stepping stone to higher education in technical fields.

Final Thoughts

Polytechnic colleges open doors to exciting career opportunities by offering the right mix of skills, training, and education. They are especially beneficial for students who prefer a more hands-on approach to learning and are eager to start building their careers early. With the growing demand for skilled technicians and engineers, enrolling in a polytechnic college can be a smart and future-focused decision.